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#but she also blocks out the topic of another woman completely
atelierlili · 4 months
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I always wondered why Katniss factored marriage and children into the equation when it came to reciprocating Peeta’s feelings for her. It’s a rather large leap, especially when Peeta himself never expresses wanting children at any point in the story. He uses children as a tool to persuade Katniss and the Capital to save her life, but the only time we see him express any desire/feelings of having one of his own is when he’s crying after the baby bomb. But we never hear his real thoughts.
But you wanna know who does express wanting children? Gale.
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It’s one of the first thing he mentions in chapter one. And it pisses her off so much.
(I also want to add that Gale reframes/establishes the dynamic of Katniss and him caring for their siblings from something that is sibling-sibling to parent-sibling. And he is not wrong. Katniss doesn’t refute him. Both Katniss and Gale are surrogate parents to their siblings. Which is also why Katniss love and affection of Prim, is not just sisterly. I’ve seen people say Katniss is only sisterly to Prim- but she’s not. She’s parentified their relationship to the point she subconsciously see Prim as her child, which makes this a tragedy because she’ll loose her first child no matter what she does by the end of the story.)
But Gale’s phrasing here elevates himself as a potential suitor to Katniss by placing them both as the parental roles to these children. (Which irritates her a lot ). Which is why she brings the topic up with her relationship with Peeta. Because she’s subconsciously aware of Gale’s efforts and knows it will be a point of contention between them. It hangs over her head in a way.
With Gale, children are extra mouths to feed. (But Gale will do fine. He can work. He can hunt.) It’s all framed with calculated survival in mind. But it’s also not something she had planned in the future at any point.
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But Peeta’s children? Oh they deserve to be born because Peeta deserves to be a father. He would be such a good father. They deserve to exist in a world where they can be safe and happy. (Even if it’s not with her.)
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This is also why I think she subconsciously sees Peeta’s baby as her own. And I don’t think of it as a cruel/heartless thing, it’s just you’d be more protective of your own child compared to someone else’s. Katniss sees Gale as a reliable person who’s equipped to look after a kid. She doesn’t express the same kind of maternal instinct/yearning for the Baby Hawthrone’s safety as she does with the idea of Baby Mellark, because she doesn’t think of Gale’s child as her own. She never hopes for a better future for them, but she does with Peeta because he and that baby gives her hope. And she loves him that much.
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ratcash-wasgud · 20 days
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Tragicomedy II
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hey gang, I finally finished this lol sorry it took so long, I just have some complications in my life rn
Anyways, NSFW so minors (and MEN) dni
After the day at the amusement park, Ellie walked home in a cartoonishly bummed way. Which, if you ask me, was pretty understandable. In her head, she had lost every chance in the world with the cutest girl ever, and the worst part was, that she has lost to Abby.
She didn't live in a dorm, the house she basically grew up in was just a couple blocks away from her college, and like 30 minutes away from the amusement park, so she had time to listen to music and stare at the sunset on her way. When she got home, she kicked open the door, and walked past a very concerned looking Joel, and slammed her room's door behind herself. She was acting like a child, she knew that, but she couldn't help it. If today would've went in the way she planned, you could be here too right now, listening to her playing the guitar, marveling at her comic collection, or even...I don't know, sit in her lap or something. But now, it's all ruined because of some straight jock who doesn't deserve you anyways.
Abby on the other hand, is not home yet. Instead of going back to her dorm, she got into her truck, and just went out to the edge of the city, to just...sit there. The last couple months were overwhelming, but today? Yeah, it's taking the crown. She had just started being ok with liking girls, then you came in the picture and suddenly Abby wishes she was still in denial. You saw her cry for fuck's sake. If she wanted to achieve anything, it was the cool and chill persona she had assumed girls like you were attracted to, but nah, she had to fuck it up and almost have a panic attack because of one homophobic comment that wasn't even directed at her. She's so terrified of being gay, of disappointing everyone. That's probably the reason why it was so easy for comphet to eat her alive for so many years.
But then, both women are dragged out of their gloomy moment by a notification lighting up their phone. A new groupchat was just made, by you, and the first text was sent.
"now we have a super cool groupchat, only for super cool people"
"(˵ •̀ ᴗ •́ ˵ )"
Ellie stares at the text. You made a groupchat instead of just texting Abby, which, to her was a success. Abby on the other hand, just didn't understand why did you still think she was cool.
"i wanted to text both of you, but i feel like it's easier this way."
"btw do you guys have plans on friday??"
Perfect. Another chance.
"nah im free." Ellie texts without hesitation, already smiling as she rolls over in bed, staring at her phone. She's already starting to come up with places she could go with you.
"i don't have any plans" Abby texts, her fingers shaking a little. She's happy that you don't hate her, of course, but she's nervous. She doesn"t want to fuck up anything again.
"⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡"
"my grandparents are out of the state for a couple days, and they told me i could hang in their pool!!"
And that is exactly how both Abby and Ellie ended up having a huge watergun fight in your grandparents' backyard. It was amusing, really. They both took it really seriously, like the waterguns you found while searching for a beach matress were completely real, and their life depended on shooting the fuck out of the other.
"Come out, Williams!" Abby yells as she walks up to the shed where she saw that pesky woman run to. "Just give up! Come out with your weapon in the air!"
But, Ellie wasn't in the shed at all, she was behind it. So when Abby tried to enter the shed, she jumped out from behind it, and blasted the bigger woman with cold water all while laughing wickedly. "I got youuuu, you died! I won!"
You just watched them, chuckling to yourself. You were happy. Having friends was cool. I mean, you were watching with a bunch of adoration in your eyes, and your heart was also fluttering, but that's a totally different topic.
"Okay, do you guys want to get in the pool already?" You ask as you start taking off your shirt just to reveal a light purple bikini top decorated with a pink bow.
Ellie swallowed hard. Suddenly her victory didn't even matter to her at all. The only thing that mattered was following you right into water. She peeled her own tanktop off, staying in her own pair of swimwear. This is the most skin she has ever seen you show, and it's already making her mouth dry. She stars sprinting towards the pool and with a huge splash, she lands in the water, drenching the frozen Abby standing next to the pool, who is in complete gay panic, and just stands there, stiffer than ever. She gasps when the cold water hits her skin, and shoots a glare to the auburn haired woman, who's just emerging from under the water. And as we know, revenge is both of their speciality, so Abby peels her own clothes off too and jumps into the water as fast as she can, and her aim is the smaller woman right in the middle of the pool. But as the waves from her jump arrive, they push you right into Ellie's arms.
Ellie, of course, sees the opportunity and takes it right away, wrapping her arms around you from behind. "I got you," She whispers into your ears, and you blush in response. You can't help yourself but lean into the touch, smiling softly. "Yeah...thanks."
Abby comes up from under the water, and sees the scheming that's happening behind her back. She can't let that happen, she can't be left out. She needs to keep up her game. She can't be a coward again. So, she moves towards both of you in the pool, where your feet can touch the tiles on the floor, and she corners both of you.
Abby needs to swallow her nerves. She has to be brave. "I pushed you on purpose." She murmurs, ignoring that you're in Ellie's arms, and puts her hands on your hips under the water. "I wanted to see you fall under the water...and get wet." She says, knowing exactly what she means.
Ellie, on the other hand pulls you closer. "She's already wet. We didn't need your help." She says, lifting her knee to rest between your legs. They didn't know is that you were indeed wet.
"I think she wants my help tho." Abby says, her heart pounding in her chest, but doing her best to not let it show. "Tell her sweetheart," Abby leans closer, her eyes intense. "Tell her you need my help."
You were stunned for a moment, glancing back at Ellie over your shoulder then back to Abby. "I...I need help. From, uhm...both of you." You croak out, her legs wrapping around Abby's waist under the water, while you lean back into Ellie. "Allow me to be selfish."
Both women stopped for a second, considering their options. In that moment, they both realized they didn't hate eachother as much as they thought. Over the time of then hanging out with you, and through that, eachother. Ellie learned that the meat head jock can cry, and isn't afraid of playing with toys or laughing in such a carefree way. Abby learned that the grumpy merd is fierce, and stands up for what she believes in, and that she puts up a fight in whatever she puts her mind to. They learned that they...wouldn't mind this whole thing.
Ellie was the one who moved first, giving Abby a nod, as she snaked her hand lower, along your stomach, right into your bottoms, grazing your lips. Abby shuddered when she saw that, and she just decided to go for it and plant her lips firmly against yours. You kissed her back withouth hesitation, wrapping your arms around her neck, and Abby felt like she was in heaven for a slight second. Ellie watches as her tongue moves with yours, kissing the side of your neck softly as she felt how wet you are down there. She slid a finger inside you, then after a couple thrusts, another. You moaned against Abby's mouth, and in response to that, the bigger girl started kneading your tits gently at first, but she lost self control pretty quickly.
The next thing you knew was that your second orgasm was already fading already, your juices gushing out of you as you're next to the pool on a convenient blanket, while Abby sits right on your face, her pretty pussy reacting to every single lick, while Ellie is between your legs, her cute little cunt against yours, rubbing and chasing her own orgasm, all while they make out, moaning your name into eachothers mouths.
In that moment, Ellie and Abby both decided to stop hating eachother for now.
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glitteredrry · 2 years
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how to lose a guy in 10 days
hello, welcome to the beginning of my romcom h series where i’m just writing harry in to iconic romantic comedies. now it won’t be verbatim (although some iconic quotes are used), so don’t expect that. it has the same plot though. i hope that you love the start of this series. thank you for reading. 💌
summary: a journalist who is in desperate need of a promotion has only has one simple task, lose a guy in ten days. what happens when Y/N meets a man named Harry that she can fool? Oh, but the only thing is he has his own promotion task to complete…he needs to make a woman fall in love with him in ten days.
warning: fluff, angst, & good ole cheesy romance.
wc: 9.2k (grab a snack)
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“I’ve acted batshit crazy with this guy, he’s not budging,” Y/N complained to her friends in her living room.
She was at a loss, her only task for promotion was to lose a guy in 10 days. She wanted this promotion not just to have bragging rights that she did in fact lose a guy, but to be taken more seriously as a journalist.
Living in New York, it was hard to get out of the pool of writing small dating articles. Y/N was over these small sections about topics that weren’t going to change the world.
She wanted something more serious. Perhaps covering world news or something in politics. Her dream of being a journalist surely wasn’t where she is at right now. She wasn’t one of those people who were unappreciative of her opportunity, just a woman looking for a change.
So, when her boss opened up the opportunity of getting to write more serious topics, she was willing to do anything. Even if it was using some guy as a pawn. Sitting with her closest friends sharing a bottle of wine, they talked about her journey so far with the task at hand.
“Well tell us about everything that you’ve done, list it from crazy to out of this world,” Miranda spoke up feeling entertained by this situation her friend was in.
Y/N blew raspberries, “well the least is that I made him take care of these nearly dead roses I bought at the store. I told him that they were a representation of our relationship; if they died it meant he wanted our relationship to die.” She said with an evil smile.
“Once I gave him the flowers I then dedicated a song to him.” Laughter filled the small living room.
“What song?”
“You’re so vain.”
“You didn’t!”
“Even added his name in while I was singing. He looked mortified.” She said finishing off her glass of wine and then going to refill it.
“That’s the least? How crazy did you get?”
”Oh I’ve been terrible, you think that he would have blocked me by now. Listen to this one, we were at a game- oh a basketball game. The game was intense, I mean it might have been the best game of the season. I looked over at him,” she looked at her friend Kendra reenacting what she did.
“And said I don’t think I feel so well. The look on his face was something I’ll never forget. He quite literally looked as if he would have rather told me to go to hell than leave the game, but we left.” She laughed. Y/N knew that the actions were cruel, but she also knew that this would be a great story to tell her grandkids one day.
“What else?” Her friends asked on the edge of their seats.
“Well, a small thing is jealousy. Which I thought guys hated but he just takes it and reassures me. I’ve accused him of dating other girls, and looking at other girls; I’ve made him get into a fight with a guy at a fair.”
“Then right when I was about to have sex with him I called his dick princess Sofia. That didn’t go over well but we agreed on another name. I honestly thought that would have done it. It didn’t.” Y/N said reaching inside their popcorn as her friends just looked shocked.
“I called his Mom too.”
A gasp filled the room because they couldn’t believe how far their friend was going.
“Told him that I cared about having an important relationship with her.”
“And that didn’t steer him away?”
“Nope. Nada. Nothing. He just was okay with it! Sometimes I can just see this look in his eyes that he wants to lose it on me, but he doesn’t.” She said in disbelief herself.
“He will break soon, I feel it.”
“Well, what about today?” Her friend spoke up to ask.
“He plays cards with his friends, it’s my day off.”
“That was before he met you.” Y/N looked over at her friend confused.
“He played cards with his friends before he met you. You need to go, ruin boys' night. There is nothing more that men hate than when their friend's girlfriend comes to crash the party.”
It was as if a lightbulb went up in Y/N’s head as her friend Linda was in disagreeing with it all.
“What’s his name?
“Harry.”
“Harry must be a sweet boy why are you trying to break his heart?”
“He’ll get over me, Linda. It’s only 10 days.”
Harry was sitting in his apartment passing around a joint with friends. He had finally gotten the chance to breathe without Y/N breathing down his neck. All the nicknames, baby voices, and constant need for his attention were put on pause.
The Y/N he met on night one was a complete 180 of the Y/N he was currently dealing with. The woman he met was this beautiful woman. Someone who was intelligent and witty, it was someone whom he would have felt bad for making fall in love with him just for his personal benefit. The version he was dealing with now was a demon.
Although she did have her moments where he had a glimpse of the person that he originally met; Like when she would hug him and her fluorescent perfume would mix with his beautifully. Or when they decided to watch a game together in his apartment and she was cheering at the screen with him. She did have her good moments, but then again the bad outweighed the good.
He couldn’t complain much because he needed her. She was his only way of being able to move up at the fashion company he worked for. For him to lead the campaign for the new season of the women’s collection, he needed to get a woman to fall in love with him. Harry told his boss that women love him and that he understood women. So, his boss wanted to challenge that by having only one simple request. Getting a random woman to fall in love with him. He was nailing the assignment since Y/N was still around.
“So, Styles. Do you think that girl is in love with you yet?”
“I’ve got her wrapped around my finger. She’s hooked.”
“Have you fucked her yet?”
“There’s no way that he hasn’t.” One of his friends added in.
“Don’t ask me a question like that. She isn’t a piece of meat.” Harry said in all seriousness. He might have not been trying to date the girl, but he wouldn’t let his friends disrespect her. They all knew what she looked like since she had come up to his job…several times.
“Fine…but have you?”
“Well…no I haven’t.” He said while looking at his hand of cards.
“So, you have to deal with her craziness and get nothing in return?”
“I’m getting something in return, and that’s a campaign.” At his words, keys rattled from outside making all the men at the table turn around.
“Booboo bear,” Y/N called out entering with their cat she got them as practice for their future child in hand.
“Oh, hell.” He said under his breath going to stand as all his friends mocked the nickname while trying to conceal their laughs. Y/N let down their cat whom she named Muffin to the ground.
“Honey,” he said opening his arms as she walked inside them. Hugging momentarily, Harry breathed in her scent that he was becoming all too familiar with.
“What are you doing here?” Harry asked breaking away from her and looking down as she smiled up at him. That smile that he was kind of cute…kind of.
“I just happened to be in the area, then Muffin started meowing when I walked in the direction of your apartment. So, I think that she was telling me to come here. She must have missed her, Daddy.” She turned away from Harry to pick up the cat, “you missed your Daddy, sweet girl.” Y/N’s baby voice was on, and the only thing encouraging her to continue was his friends dying of laughter in the back.
“Continue your game. I’ll be like a ghost you won’t know that I’m here. Just dropping off some things.” Pressing a kiss to his cheek, she turned and headed to the kitchen to laugh to herself.
Harry sat back down at the table daring his friends to say another word. Just when he thought that Y/N was going to be true to her word, out she walked with a platter of vegetables no one asked for nor wanted.
“Excuse me, just wanted to bring healthier options,” she looked over to one of his friends who had a wing in his mouth. Staring it down, she took her fingers and yanked it out his mouth, and all of the men gawked at her actions. “Healthy celery, healthy carrot look how yummy.” She said to Harry’s friends as if he was a toddler.
All of his friends looked around at each other not believing how crazy this girl genuinely was.
His friend slowly let her place the vegetable in his mouth and she patted his head, “good boy.”
Harry couldn’t even find the words to say right now. He placed the joint back in his mouth trying to calm his nerves that Y/N was trying to drive through the roof.
Then coughs began to start as she stared down Harry. They progressed from small ones as if she was clearing her throat to overdramatic ones as if she could not breathe. He knew she was being over dramatic, she stopped in the middle of it all, eyeing him down one more telepathically telling him to put it out.. He put it out with a forced smile.
“Thank you, my sweet honeybun.” She cooed.
Then the drama came as she directed her eyes to something across the room.
A blood-curdling scream came from her lips as if someone had stabbed her, making all the men join her not knowing what they were screaming. “Harry, our roses. You killed them, you monster.” Y/N said theatrically moving across the room to hold the nearly dead roses.
“They’re just roses, I can buy you more,” Harry said rushing over trying to calm her. He was not expecting her to have this kind of reaction…well he had planned for this to happen actually. Tomorrow before he came back from work, he had wanted to go buy fresh roses to replace them. His plan failed…clearly.
“What did you just say?” She looked at him with a twitch in her eye. He thought that he could only see something like this in a movie. His mind couldn’t wrap around that this was his life. Out of all the women in the world that he could have picked for this bet, he picked the worst nut in the package.
“These roses were a symbol of our love. Our young, beautiful, festering love. Do you want our relationship to die?” She said with accusation.
“No, honey. I don’t want our relationship to die. Wait-”
“I don’t want to hear another word.” She said huffing as she began to stomp back to the kitchen with the rest of the roses in hand. She took a moment to collect herself. This was slowly driving her to insanity, but she couldn’t help to admit how fun it was to see the different reactions across the room to her antics.
Just as she walked back into the room with a platter full of pretzels, her eyes were on the back of Harry’s head as he motioned to his friend that she was crazy.
Back into character, I goes.
All of Harry’s friends were trying to silently motion to him that she was behind him. As Harry slowly turned around, he watched her slow stride as she approached the table. All of Harry’s friends watched anxiously because this girl was unpredictable.
“Are you saying, I’m some kind of mental person?” Pretzels flew up in the air and came down like confetti. All of Harry’s friends jumped back as they began to vouch for him.
“No, he didn’t say that.”
“He told us he loved you.”
“Right, Harry?”
“I’m in a room full of liars and snakes. If you would lie to me then you would steal from me, and if you would steal from me then you would cheat on me. Are you cheating on me, Harry?” Y/N said with a small fake sob beginning to spill from her mouth. Every man in the room looked at each other confused. It was as if she was flipping through several personalities.
“No, I wouldn’t lie, steal, or cheat on you. Where did you even get that phrase from?” Harry said, going to stand feeling more confused than ever.
“Quite frankly, Harry you would.” She said immediately cutting off her sobs and going back to normal only making the men in the room question her sanity even more.
“I know that you did cheat, I just can’t prove it. First, you let our love roses die, and now I’m a mental person. I don’t want to be with someone who thinks I’m a mental person.” She said moving to collect her purse and the nearly dead roses.
“Goodbye, Harry. I’m the best thing that ever happened to you.” As soon as her back was turned to the men, she smiled. Walking out the door and hearing it shut she felt victorious.
Her assignment was done for good.
There was no way that after that Harry would be trying to come back. Y/N nearly felt bad for all the pretzels that he would have to clean up.
“You can’t let her go, Harry.” His friend spoke up not forgetting about his promotion. Harry on the other hand had the promotion in the farthest part of his mind. He was happy to no longer deal with her shenanigans.
“Let her leave, I’m in hell. I can’t deal with that,” Harry said feeling slight relief at her finally leaving. Her random meltdowns, phone calls, and popping up where he was were over with.
“The promotion.” His friend reminded him. Harry forgot about the task at hand, and he needed that promotion. Jumping up, he began to run out his door. He was wishing on a star right now that he could catch her.
She had finally gotten rid of him.
“Y/N, wait.”
Or so she thought.
She turned her head to see Harry running down the fire escape in search of her. What was it going to take for this guy to leave me alone? She thought. Turning around to face him, she jumped right back into acting mode making her face screw up as if she was pissed off.
“What do you want, Harry? Why are you running back to talk to a mental person?” She asked. Yes, she was acting, but she truly wanted to know why he would decide to come back to find her. Either this guy was falling for her or just like the crazy within her.
“I’m here to apologize. It was cruel of me to call you mental. You just care. I’m willing to do anything to fix it. I messed up. Please, forgive me.” Harry looked down at her with puppy dog eyes that made Y/N’s stomach curl a bit. She felt a slight blush on her cheeks looking at him in this vicinity. It was the same feelings from the first night that they met. Quickly, she broke eye contact trying to push those feelings down.
“I’m not sure that I can forgive this.” Harry watched her lips and how she kept a prominent pout as she said the words to him. It was cute. She was cute. Harry broke himself out of fonding over her and those beautiful lips.
“I’m willing to do anything,” he slowly dropping to his knees on the New York sidewalk, and she couldn’t figure out whether to find this enduring or disgusting. He kept his green eyes on her as he lowered himself to the ground. “Anything, Y/N.”
“Couples therapy?” She asked knowing that there was no way in hell he would agree to that.
“If that will make you forgive me then, yes. I’ll go.” He rose off the ground going to hug her as she twisted her face in confusion as soon as his head was tucked into her neck. Harry breathed in her scent that the wind was trying to blow away, but he could still smell it.
When they broke contact, she looked at him sternly.
“I love you Harrypie, but I don’t have to like you right now.”
With that said she continued her walk down the street until she was able to fetch a cab ride home. Harry watched her disappear in the night, walking back up to his apartment he ended the boys' night. He was left in a room filled with scattered pretzels and a grumpy cat looking back at him. His dreams were filled with a messy girl with pouty lips and a scream that could wake up the world.
Couples therapy was hell…well for Harry it was hell. Y/N seemed to enjoy throwing him under the bus at any moment, not only throwing him under the bus but weirdly partnering up with the therapist against him; At the same time, she accused him of trying to sleep with the therapist.
To say the least he left the session with a happy woman, a major headache, and a dent in his wallet. He honestly had a gut feeling the therapist was a fake one she found off the internet. One thing that he wasn’t expecting the therapist to suggest was taking her away for the weekend to go visit his family.
His family was originally from England, but when his Mom remarried they settled in a small town in Connecticut. He felt calm bringing her because Y/N had already formed a bit of a relationship with his Mom. He could tell that Y/N was nervous.
As he turned down the street where he had spent the majority of his childhood, he watched Y/N’s leg shake as the anxiety was creeping down her body. Maybe this was too far? She thought about pulling into the driveway of Harry’s childhood home.
She tried to calm herself with the fact that this relationship was just to get her ahead in life. It was just three more days, and they would both move on with their lives. Once Harry cut off the car, they both climbed out. Harry grabbed their bags to go inside the house. Before they could even step through the door, Harry’s Mom was greeting them with a smile. “My boy,” she called out, going to kiss his cheek.
“Mom this is Y/N. Y/N this is Anne. I shouldn’t even be introducing you two, I forgot that you already have talked.” He said with a smart-ass tone causing Anne to hit him with a small rag she had in her hand.
“Nothing wrong with a little girl talk. Go drop the bags off in your room. Leave Y/N to me.” Harry walked away up the stairs to his room. Anne moved closer to Y/N with a low voice as soon as the coast was clear.
“You know you’re the first girl that Harry has brought home. You’re too are cute. Come on, let’s go introduce you to the whole family!”
Harry’s family was so loving. She loved the dynamic that they had. Anne introduced Y/N to his sister who had much to tell her about the childhood she shared with Harry. Then his grandfather was currently teaching Y/N how to play poker. It was beautiful scenery too with a hidden lake out back.
“When you fold, that means you’re surrendering. Pretty much you’re throwing the towel in before it even starts.” Harry’s grandfather spoke to her.
“Your cards won’t be able to be played.” She was nodding her head trying to wrap her hand around the game's entire concept.
On cue, Harry walked out the back door and immediately found Y/N. He was happy to see her fitting in with his family. He found it cute.
“Look at the poker champion,” his uncle called out making Harry claim the title loud and proud.
“I don’t think you’ll be winning today, Harry. Your girl is becoming a poker pro.” Y/N blushed at Gemma calling her out.
“Is that so?” Harry asked Y/N as he sat down right next to her.
Y/N shrugged her shoulders at him hiding her cards. “I think I can steal that title from you.”
“We’ll see about that. Deal me in.”
With the help of Harry’s family, Y/N just so happened to win over Harry. The night was filled with laughter and accusations of cheating...which she was. Y/N felt something inside of her brewing but she couldn’t tell what it exactly was.
She loved when Harry called her name out each time he accused her of cheating. She loved how he chased her around the backyard when he found out she was indeed cheating. That night she went to sleep with a charming boy, who had a dazzling smile in mind.
Today was peaceful. Outside of the city, it felt to Harry as if their energy shifted. His emotions with this girl have been up and down. Right now he felt so infatuated with her that it was overwhelming. He would find something about her each hour that made him laugh harder or smile a bit brighter. They were practically attached at the hip, only separating when needing to go to the bathroom.
Everything was feeling like the first night that he met her. It was something more personal. He wasn’t sure if it was because of them getting to be by themselves or the fact that he had finally brought a girl to his family, and they loved her. He just knew that as of right now he didn’t want to let go of her.
Right now, the pair were cuddled on the couch watching a movie as Harry’s family were running around doing other things. Suddenly, an idea came into his head as he looked at Y/N laughing at a scene.
“Want to go get naked?” He said randomly in her ear causing her to shoot up giving him a wild stare.
Without a doubt, she knew that she was sexually attracted to Harry, but his just randomly saying it caused panic to run through her.
Harry laughed at her reaction purposely teasing her, he watched as her eyes dilated while holding shock in them.
“Sorry, what I meant to say is would you like to go by the lake? We’ll be in swimsuits, I assure you.” Y/N held a hand to her chest blowing out air that she had been holding in.
“Although, if you would like to get naked, I wouldn’t stop you.” Y/N let out that loud laugh that was music to Harry’s ears.
“You’re such an ass.”
“You love it. Are we going?”
“Show me the way.”
The cool air hit Y/N’s legs as Harry walked in front of her leading her to the lake. They had a small picnic basket filled with goodies that Harry had decided to pack. Harry turned his head multiple times to ensure she was okay, and she gave him a kind smile right back each time.
They walked down the passageway until they hit the hidden area. Harry turned to face her feeling a bit shy about bringing her here. It was a sacred oasis for him when he would come to visit. It was something that he had to himself since he was a teen. “Welcome,” he said to her as she took in the location.
She never grew up in a small, close-knit town like this. It was a complete contrast from what she was used to. It was always loud noises coming from the city or the busy streets of New York that she had to walk down bumping into people; Here it was silence.
Just the sounds of nature flooding her ears. She felt at peace. “This is gorgeous, H.” Harry felt his face burn. He wasn’t sure if it was because of how soft her voice was while being dripped in pure adoration or because of the nickname she just assigned to him. He was going to just go with the latter.
“Early in the morning, it’s even better believe it or not.”
They sat down their belongings and undressed. While peeling off their clothes, the both of them stole secret glances at each other. Once they were settled in their swimsuits, Harry overlooked her body as her swimsuit hugged her curves.
She was beautiful.
He was beautiful.
His tattoos were melting into his tanned toned skin as she tried not to let her stare linger for too long. “I’m going to head in, you can keep making googly eyes at me.” Harry teased running into the water. This time Y/N was the one to blush. She chased after him not letting him get too far away.
They played innocently in the water, it was childish splashes shared between them, and a game of marco polo. After getting tired of the water, the both of them watched as the sun was gradually setting. Harry was laid across Y/N’s plush thighs as she was snacking on some grapes. As their bodies dried, Harry was in a deep thinking process.
Harry didn’t know how to describe the way that he felt. It was a weird set of emotions for him. He had never had a serious relationship, then when he happens to meet someone that has driven him mad in all of the ways one can imagine; It happens that he is using her for a bet.
He looked up at her as she unknowingly was stuffing her mouth with grapes. “You look like the cutest chipmunk ever,” she looked down at him, as Harry flashed those bunny teeth that caused her heart to throb.
Hitting him playfully, he sat up moving away from her attack. After she finished chewing she began to speak, “they were really good grapes I swear.”
Harry turned his head up focusing on how the sky had become a little gloomy, “Hey, Y/N, I think that we should head out now. I think that it’s going to-” Before he could finish his sentence, the weather did a 180 causing them the laugh at the small sprinkles of water that began to hit them. Sprinkles the turned to hard rain hitting their skin
Quickly gathering their thing, they ran in the direction of his family home as their laughs got lost in the pouring rain. Once, they made it inside they ran upstairs into the bathroom together and locked the door.
“Let me get the shower for you, if you hear someone flush a toilet be sure to jump out,” he laughed to her as he turned on the water. He turned to face her with a smile on his face.
“Who knew things would change so fast,” Harry said with a laugh shaking water out of his hair. Y/N knew that he was talking about the weather, but she couldn’t help but feel emotion spark within her with his choice of words.
This was all supposed to be a silly bet for her to promote to a higher position, she didn’t know that she would have ended up feeling these kinds of emotions about him. She turned from him as guilty tears ran down her face. Harry immediately noticed a shift in the air as she sat on the toilet lid in distress.
”Hey, hey what’s wrong?” Harry cooed kneeling infront of her and moving her wet hair behind her ears, wanting to get a better look at her face.
Y/N looked up at him with red eyes as she tried to explain her emotions without fully giving them away the reason behind her tears. “It’s just this weekend has been so nice, hasn’t it? Your mom is so kind and it’s just your family is so nice. It w-” she cut herself off with a deep breath before she was about to reveal herself.
“My family loves you and I- yes it has been a great weekend. One of the best I’ve had in a while.” Harry moved his hand to her thigh and she looked down at when he was touching her. There was a connection and both of them questioned if the other could feel it.
“A beautiful girl like you is never meant to cry. Can you show me your smile? I love your smile.” Harry spoke to her with a slight rasp in his voice.
“C’mon, you know you want to smile for me.” He said poking her cheek and teasing her as she tried to contain the blush rising on her cheeks.
She showed him a smile…just not the normal one. “That’s a scary smile, I want my girl’s smile.” She pursed her lips before showing her natural smile.
“There we go, think you have some spinach in your teeth though.”
“I do not.”
“You don’t, I just wanted to mess with you,” Harry said laughing as he moved closer.
He wanted to kiss her.
She wanted him to kiss her.
As if they could read each other’s minds, their lips connected in a way they had not before. It was an overwhelming feeling for both of them. They couldn’t understand when the line started to merge.
They both tried their best to keep their lips connected as clothes began to fly off. By the time they hit the shower, they explored each other in the same way how they wanted to on the first night they met. It was the same burning desire running in them, only now they were both in love with each other without fully admitting it to themselves.
Saying goodbye was always bittersweet, but it shouldn’t feel like this. After a weekend together like this he wanted it to stay for good, they were infront of her apartment lingering outside not wanting to say goodbye.  
“Well, this is me…” she said not wanting to leave but knowing she would have to.
“I know, kiss goodbye?” She nodded her head wanting the same thing. Pressing a kiss to his lips she moved to move away.
“Bye Harrybooboo,” she said with a laugh using the nickname not to annoy him this time, but just to tease him.
“Bye, honey bear,” Harry teased right back.
Y/N laughed stepping away and walked to the door of her building but stopped hearing Harry shout her name.
“Tomorrow my job is hosting a gala, will you be my date?”
“I would love to. What time?”
“8 on the dot.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Harry looked down at his leather boots while he waited for Y/N to come downstairs. It was finally the night of the gala and he was dressed to impress, not only because he was a representation of the company. He wanted to impress Y/N. He was dressed in one of the suits from the newest collection coming out soon.
Harry waited for her patiently not wanting to rush her but knowing that they were cutting it close. His body leaned against the chauffeured car that he had gotten for them. His nerves were an absolute wreck, he was doing every single thing that he could to distract himself; He fidgeted with each one of his rings and tossed his hair in every which way.
“Hello, Harrybooboo,” all of the nerves fell away before his eyes could even look at her. Just by being able to hear her voice, he felt a calmness.
Looking up at her, he felt as if someone had physically punched him in his chest knocking all of the wind out of him. She was beautiful. He held his right hand over his heart to calm how rapidly it had started beating.
Y/N stood on top of the stairs feeling a bit timid, she had spent all of the time trying to look her best. It was all worth it to see him looking at her as if she was the most prized possession in the world.
Harry observed the yellow silk dress that matched her perfectly. It clings to her body, the body that he had fallen for so fast. Her hair was in an updo showing off her beautiful face. He was completely and utterly gone for her.  As she walked down the stairs he opened the door for her to climb in first.  
“You clean up nice,” she said with a smile before going to greet him with a hug.
“You’re not too shabby either,” Harry said flashing her a toothy grin.
“I’m going to head in, you can keep making googly eyes at me.” She said to him with a teasing smile climbing into the car. Harry laughed at her repeating his words from two days ago.
“Gladly.”
The gala was beautiful, and the designs from the upcoming collection were on display. Ranging from jewelry pieces to styled outfits. Y/N was in awe.
She was happy to be here with Harry…although he wasn’t right by her right now. This was still a work event for him so he couldn’t be by her side through it all. They had gotten separated somewhere along the way. She was now looking at one of the styled outfits on display that caught her eye.
“Y/N,” she heard her name called by an unfamiliar voice.
Turning her head, she made out the face to be Harry’s boss from one of her too many visits to his job. “Mr. Bardot, you’re Harry’s boss. Hello.”
“That I am, and you’re his…”
She was never asked this question before, they weren’t technically anything official. It had only been ten days for goodness sake.
“I’m his date.”
“Right, but I’ve seen you lingering around my office more than once. You can’t be just a date.” She swallowed nervously not knowing what to exactly say.
“I guess you could say that I’m more than just a date. Harry and I have a weird dynamic.” She ended her sentence with a peal of nervous laughter hoping that his nosy boss would catch a hint, and go meddle in someone else’s business. Turning back to look at the styled piece, she nearly spits out her champagne at his next sentence.
“Right, I guess things do become weird once you fall in love with someone.” He said nonchalantly.
Turning her head back to him, “l-love? I didn’t say that.”
“Well, that’s what would make it a weird dynamic, right? I mean I’ve been looking at you both since you walked in together. That looked like love.”
Y/N felt as if she was having some kind of existential crisis, it was if she had started questioning everything. She knew that her feelings for Harry were growing rapidly without her even knowing. But love? It was as if everything had come crashing down on her at once.
Even though all the silly gimmicks that she pulled, she had gotten to know him on a personal level. There were real feelings and moments between them. Moments that caused her to have butterflies in her stomach anytime she thought of them. Y/N looked at his boss while she stumbled on her words.
“I think you know deep down. For what it is worth, I believe he feels the same.” With that said he was gone leaving her alone in her thoughts. Swallowing her emotions that were trying to come up, she downed the rest of her drink.
Harry was having a rather sociable night. He’s talked to every important person here that would only further his career. Even an older woman who got a bit too handsy with him. Through it all, he just had one person missing by his side. Harry was on his way to go find her because everyone was soon to be seated.
“Styles,” he heard his name being called. He knew who it was immediately because his boss was the only person to call his last name instead of Harry.
“I met her. The girl is in love with you. Congratulations, the campaign is all yours.”
With that said his boss disappeared into the crowd as Harry stood there trying to process what he had said.
“Y/N is in love with me,” he whispered to himself. Scanning the room for his girl in the yellow dress, his eyes spotted her sitting at a table near the front of the stage.
“She’s in love with me,” Harry said in disbelief. Just as he was about to pick up his heart off the floor and head to her, someone else got in between them.
“Oh, you’re looking at, Y/N.”
He turned to see an older woman watching Y/N along with him. “You know her?” He asked still staring her down.
“I’m her boss, she is one of the star journalists at my company. Right now, I asked her to work on this assignment of making some unlucky guy out there fall in love with her. She had ten days to fool someone, and the stories she has told us are ridiculous. We actually kind of feel for the guy.”
Harry felt his heart drop hearing her boss speak about this unlucky guy. He was the unlucky guy. Her boss kept talking in his ear, repeating all of the things that Y/N had done to him. So, many emotions crashed into his body at once. He felt embarrassed that he was the laughing stock in her life, he felt stupid for not seeing through her behavior then getting played by her, and lastly, he felt betrayed for falling in love with a girl who clearly never felt those feelings.
Walking away from Y/N’s boss in the middle of her talking, he walked to the bar in desperate need of a moment to collect his thoughts.
Little did he know Y/N was across the gala with a smile on her face waiting for Harry as the dinner was about to start, she felt the presence of someone behind her thinking that it was Harry, only for it to be his two friends from work.
“Hey, guys,” she said as they sat down confused as to why they were here.
“Hi, Y/N. We just wanted to ask you something. Harry has worked really hard in the company to finally get where he is; So, if you could just keep playing along with our boss and pretending that you’re in love with him that would be great.” Y/N’s face dropped at his words.
“Yes, he doesn’t need to know anything about the bet. Just smile and convince him that you’re in love.” Harry’s other coworker added in.
Y/N picked up her champagne glass swallowing the remains. She agreed so that they could leave the table and leave her the hell alone.
It was hard to pinpoint one emotion that was running through her body but the main one was at herself. She felt foolish for falling for Harry. All his chivalry, and how she looked at her were all fake. A surge of anger ran through her, ad a person is never more vulnerable than when they’re angry. Anger is only a protective shield to protect the sadness she didn’t feel like showing yet.
It was as if she could feel a burning stare in her neck. When she turned, she could see Harry watching her from across the room. Both of them have hardening stares. Harry’s jaw was clenched as he tried to control himself since this was a work event. Y/N scoffed at him turning away, not even wanting to look at him.
What reason does he have to be mad?
What reason does she have to be mad?
Both of them thought at the same time.
The lights in the room began to dim signaling that it was time to pay attention to the stage. Harry moved through the dining area but ended up getting stopped by the same older woman from before who didn’t know how to keep her hands to herself.
He tried to move away as he heard the announcer introduce the performer for tonight. Just as he thought his night couldn’t get more dramatic, he heard the sweet voice that he is the most upset with right now.
“Yes, let’s all give a hand for this. I’m sorry to impose but I just needed to give a special shout-out to someone. Harry Styles is a hard-working man, a great swimmer, and a real charmer. He cares deeply about his job and is willing to do anything to succeed.” Y/N and Harry stared each other down as if they had become sworn enemies in their short time here.
“I must say, that even though he has many great attributes. Out of all of his many great talents is that he is a hell of a singer. And he has decided tonight to perform for you all. Harry, come on stage and sing your song.” She said with a fake smile as a spotlight found Harry standing in the middle of the room.
Harry couldn’t believe her, clearly, she had found out about his bet and wanted to make a spectacle. He would give her what she wanted. Everyone in the room clapped, encouraging Harry to go.
“Ladies and gentlemen, Harry Styles.” She said with an artificial voice. Adjusting his double-breasted jacket, he moved through the crowd keeping his eyes on her as he walked onto the stage. She placed the mic down on a stool, and began to make her escape. Harry dashed to the stage picking up the mic as she tried to leave.
“Y/N. Y/N don’t leave. You couldn’t dare walk out and not show the world that beautiful voice of yours.” If looks could kill Harry would have passed out on that stage. “Doesn’t everyone want to hear a duet tonight?” The crowd went wild wanting more than ever for the pair to do a song together.
Y/N flashed an awkward smile at the cheers. “Everyone please, give a warm welcome to, Y/N.”
Harry grabbed a mic that wasn’t in use and held it out for her to grab, Y/N wasn’t going to back down at him challenging her right now. So, with a smile on her face, she walked right back up to the stage. As Harry turned to the band asking if they could play a certain song for them.
As the instrumental for You’re So Vain began to play. Y/N was now on stage as Harry nodded his head to the beat. “Oh, that’s nice,” he said on the mic turning to face her.
“You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht.” He said emphasizing his words as he sang. Y/N rolled her eyes at him as she grabbed the free mic from his hand aggressively.
He continued going, taunting her and not really knowing any of the words. This only further upset her because now she needed to correct him. Getting sick of his antics she went to go sing.
“And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner,” she said in a mocking tone really giving the audience a show. Not one that they expected but one filled with drama and tension.
“Harry’s so vain,” she sang into the mic off-key.
“You probably think this song is about you. Harry Styles, you’re so vain.” She dragged out her singing as Harry attempted to talk over her muttering that she was the vain one.
Getting sick of being up here she stopped in the middle to direct her attention to him as if they were in the room alone. The instrumental of the song kept playing as they talked in the mic letting everyone hear them. “You tricked me into falling in love with you. Do you have an ounce of shame?”
“And what did you do? You trashed my place and took me to some fake ass couples therapy so that you, you Y/N could have a promotion. You also made me miss the biggest game of the season.” He said on the mic arguing his side of things.
“Do we hear that ladies and gentlemen, Harry missed a game? I want everyone to know that your sex is lame.” She said in a singsong voice.
“You named my dick princess Sofia,” Harry said arguing back as the audience gasped at the back and forth between them.
“Well, why did you have to bring that up?” Y/N said as the crowd now began to laugh at them. It was a hot mess and everyone was eating up the drama of it all.
“You’re so vain.”
“No, you’re so vain!” Y/N finished off getting sick of all of this back and forth, and threw her mic down to exit stage left.
“There she goes, ladies and gentlemen. Running away, good job, Y/N.” Harry yelled on the mic. As she tried to run through the gala, Harry dropped his mic and immediately ran after her. He wasn’t going to let her get away this easily.
Pushing through the bulky doors of the gala, she ran down the steps trying not to trip on her dress.
Harry was right on her tail, and as he watched her approach the bottom of the stairs he called out for her. “Y/N, just wait. We’re not done here.” He said losing his breath because he just had to catch her.
“No, we are done.” She said turning around. Pointing to him in anger, Harry walked right up to her with a scowl on his face.
“You played me, just to get a campaign. You’re a backstabber!”
“Oh, so you’re innocent? Coming into my life and turning it upside down for a fucking article. Was it worth it?” Harry said in complete anger. He was in love with her, he knew this for certain. Now it all meant nothing. It wasn’t going to go anywhere because she doesn’t have the same feelings as him.
The both of them looked away from each other, Harry had to walk away for a moment gathering this anger inside of him. He didn’t want to yell at her or act this way toward her. He couldn’t help the feeling of betrayal. He didn’t like this feeling. That anger that Y/N started to have was melting down to just pure sadness. Harry wasn’t in love with her. He only had one goal in mind and accomplished it.
“So that’s all I was to you?” Harry said turning around to face her again. Instead of anger being laced through his voice, it was low and full of sorrow. “Just some project to you. Something for you and your coworkers to get a good laugh at?”
“I guess I was just some random girl that you picked out.”
“Your readers are going to love this. What a beautiful twist for you, truly, I hope they love the article.” Harry said with sarcasm dripping in his voice.
“I wonder what the odds are of them liking it, want to bet on it?” She said with a sour tone. Tears began to fill her eyes, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of crying infront of him.
“Bravo, Y/N. Your job was to lose a guy in ten days, and guess what? You just lost him. Congratulations.” Harry attempted to walk away from her for good wanting to have the last word.
“How can I lose a man that I never had, Harry?” With that said she turned around no longer wanting to be here. Harry watched with a heavy heart as the woman that he loved walked away from him for the last time.
The last few days for Y/N have been hard. She had ended up writing, and turning in the article wanting to finish her assignment. When she turned in her article, she also notified her boss that she would be resigning. This place no longer served what she needed, and she could see that even though she had completed her boss’ task, her boss wasn’t willing to give her what she had promised. Walking out of the office building for the last time was bittersweet, but it was the next step in her life. Heading to her apartment, she was beginning to pack for her move across the country.
Harry had thrown himself into work. Yes, he loved that he had gotten the campaign, but at what cost? It was as if the world was mocking him each time he had to go into his job. Right now, he was giving his opinion on one of the fabrics as his friend approached him.
“Harry, I think that you would like to see this.”
He turned around only to be faced with a magazine. A magazine with his girl right on the front. Well, it wasn’t his girl. She never truly was. Taking it from his hands. He started lipping through the pages, he found her article and began to read it. Once he got to the bottom, what he read shocked him. It was almost as if he could hear her voice.
When I began to write this article, it was to call out all the silly dating faux pas. In the end, I ended up losing someone special to me.
Those same emotions hit Harry. It wasn’t one of anger but what he had initially felt for her. Love. He needed to get to her. Harry refused to go on another day without her because of the mistakes that they both made.
“I need you to look over this, I need to go get my girl.”
Rushing out of his office building, Harry grabbed the helmet to his motorcycle he pulled out of storage to ride trying to get Y/N off his mind. He was thankful that he had it because New York traffic was a bitch. Speeding down the streets of Manhattan. He first arrived at her job hoping that she would be there.
He needed her to be there.
“Sorry, she is not here. Y/N quit two days ago, she is heading to the airport right now to go to an interview across the country.” Her coworkers told him as he cursed himself.
Looking more at her coworker's face he noticed her, “I knew that you weren’t a real therapist.” He said walking away from her and grabbing their love roses that Y/N happened to leave behind.
“She made me do it.” Her friend said smiling at him.
“You owe me money,” Harry called out exiting the building.
He hopped right back on his bike and began his journey to her apartment. Just as he approached her could see her hair as she climbed into the back of a cab. Due to the noises in the city, there was no way for her to hear him calling out her name.
“Shit, I’m not giving up on you,” he said to himself. Revving his bike, he dodged in and out of traffic tracking her cab. Even almost getting her cab mixed up with a sea of yellow cabs. He gained speed as they approached a bridge. Harry could see the silhouette of her head in the back of the cab. Pulling up to the side of her cab, he hit the window, startling her.
“Harry? What are you doing?” She said in disbelief as she lowered her window.
“Pull over, Y/N we need to talk.” He screamed in the wind. He pointed to an area where technically it would be illegal to stop but would make them not stop traffic. Not wanting Harry to die, Y/N kindly asked her driver to pull over. Even though it was an inconvenience, he pulled over. Y/N hopped out of the car as Harry took off his helmet.
“If you’re trying to get yourself killed then you’re on the right track,” Y/N told him crossing her arms.
“Is this true?” He asked in distress holding up the magazine. He needed to hear these words from her. He needed to know that this wasn’t for her to sell some articles and that what she wrote were her true emotions.
“Harry, please. I have an interview-”
“Is this true, Y/N? Please, just answer the question and I’ll walk away forever if you want me to.”
Y/N swallowed her pride and for once put down the shield that she would have normally had up. “Everything that I wrote is real. I would never be that vulnerable if it wasn’t how I felt, Harry.” She said feeling herself get choked up.
“Then why are you leaving me?”
“I need to find a job, Harry. I want to be a journalist, writing real stories with meaning. I can’t do that here.” She said wiping the stray tear that decided to escape.
“I know you have an interview. A journalist like you doesn’t need to travel across the country to find something. You fit in right here. You deserve to be right here. There isn’t a job in New York you could find to love every single part of you.” Harry spoke to her wanting her to see, and understand the talent that she had inside of her.
“Where are you going?” He asked the same question only different this time. Y/N bit her lip because she was at a loss for words. Here was this beautiful soul she had known, and got to love practically begging her to stay.
“I told you it’s the only place I can go if I want to be a real journalist.”
“Well, I think that you’re running away.”
“You can keep these thoughts for the next girl you want to bet on, I’m not running away?” She said going to turn and climb right back in the car.
“Are you going to fold?”
Y/N stops in her tracks.
“If you tell me right now that this, this between us, is a risk for you; And you don’t want to take that risk. I want you to tell me. I need you to look me in my eyes and tell me. Tell me you fold. Because for me, you’re worth every risk. Time and time again I would choose you.” Y/N turned around to face him taking in every emotion across his face.
He wanted this. He wanted them together.
Harry stepped closer to her getting into her space, they were so close yet miles apart. He wanted to taste her lips again. He wanted to breathe in that scent that he fell in love with.
“Lady, what are you going to do? I have places to be.” Her cab driver asked. Harry could look into her eyes and tell that she wanted to say yes. They were worth the risk. His stubborn girl wanted him just as much as he needed her.
Pulling out his wallet, Harry pulled out a large bill and handed it to the driver while keeping his eyes on her. “Take her stuff back to the apartment. She will be riding with me.”
“How do you know what I’ll say?” She asked with a smile dancing on her lips.
“I’m calling your bluff, baby.” At those words, Harry took her face in between his hands, and connected their lips together. He never knew that he could miss a person this much. Y/N was elated at this feeling inside of her. Love was hard and consuming but it was all worth it. She wouldn’t change one thing that happened to lead them to this moment.
Breaking away from the kiss, they held hands as they walked toward his motorcycle. “Look who tagged along.”
“Our love roses. I love you so much, Harrybooboo.” She teased pinching his cheek with one hand as she went to go pick up the roses with the other.
“I love you more, honey. I’m never letting this relationship die again.”
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brettesims · 2 years
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Breaking Generational Trauma: How to Become an Artist with a Family Full of Doubters
Hey my little Community!
This has honestly been a topic that has been on my mind for years. I feel like I haven't addressed it, not for personal embarrassment, but due to how embarrassed I was by how others treated me. I am so sick of playing this "prefect family" role society makes us play. Most of us do not have that and I refuse to be ashamed of authenticity. So, lets talk:
In the self love community it is said that we teach others HOW to treat us. So for many years I was ashamed to speak on the emotional abuse I endured within my immediate family and friendship groups. I think we also have to remember how deeply conditioned individuals are, especially black people in America, due to the mental conditioning directly linked to slavery. If you aren't yet awakened in self love then it's easy to blindly and unconsciously play out these patterns; which is the only way I can explain my family blocking my success. My last art hiatus was caused by my family. I don't want to have another so I must speak my mind.
I am an astrology lover and in astrology I am a Mars in Cancer zodiac placement (if you know you know) but your Mars placement is your action. Your method of operation. Being that my placement is in Cancer; the divine mother, I am supposed to flow in soft feminine awareness utilizing my high priestesses spiritual intuition. Instead I was born into a family of wolves. Wolves that often prey on my own happiness and joy, as that is what my art is an embodiment of and represents.
Now, I am sure you are thinking - well it's not uncommon for artists to complain about family support. It's not uncommon for black women to have endured family trauma. Yet, its one thing to have an unsupported family, but it's quite another to have a family that preys on your success and inner love flow.
I come from an emotionally unsupportive family with means. They have every means available; every contact, resource & connection I require to succeed. They supported my brother through law school -jobless. They would even offered him in-family jobs. But when I do art as my job they act as if that isn't real. They showed me none of the same support. They have only been kind to me when I have suffered the abuse of 9-5 jobs they forced me to enslave myself in.
This is not a knock to any 9-5 grind, but it is to say that it ain't for me. It's not my job. And it's toxic for me to pretend as if that is my path. When it came to me evolving as an artist and Nonprofit founder my family has every contact and resource available to support me to if they actually wanted - but most of the time, they choose not to. Every time I lift a project up out of despair or pick myself up from the pain of their incessant emotional abuse, they aim to drag me down further. They cannot stand my joy.
Whether it's campaigning for my Nonprofit, working on my art, launching a podcast, launching a Self Love Shop, Launching NFTs, or a Youtube Channel they pretend to completely ignore everything I work on. My mother "ignored" my Nonprofit then recently created her own, saying I couldn't get involved. She then hired another black woman my exact age and gets a high growing her own Nonprofit as she watches mine struggle and says nothing.
The excuse is that they have "given me everything". Everything I am is because of them they like to remind me. Everything material. But what does that matter if the inside is hollow? What do all the riches in the world mean if the support is fake and the love is conditional? My elitist family attaches value to how much money each person has. They belittle people who have none. They also belittle mental health care and spirituality.
They have disdain for every aspect of what I am. I have always been bullied by my family. They when I do these things in joy and they see it on social media, they stalk my pages and begin to emotionally tear me down. Even when I block them, which I do - it continues because they will gossip to my friends and everyone they know about me. They talk behind my back and tell stories about who and what I am. They have brutally character assassinated me for years.
People love to talk about me but tend to be terrified to actually talk TO me. Probably because they know I see them. I can tell what inauthenticity is because I came from a household full of it. I know when people are talking shit because my family has talked shit about me my entire life. I can tell when people aren’t walking in their truth because I have come from a family that never has.
A few years before the pandemic, when my loving Gemini grandpa died, who was my ONLY sense of unconditional love and support - my family turned on me. My Grandpa, Abba, protected me. He supported me. He taught me art. He clearly saw the ways in which my family treated me; hated my joy and would break me down when they saw me in joy. So growing up, he gave me everything and anything I wanted. I think in some ways he taught me self love. Only because of him do I know I CAN DO, BE and HAVE ALL things. He was a pure soul. I know he is now my guardian angel.
Before a lot of therapy, I had so many gaps in my memory, because I blocked out how bad the emotional abuse actually was growing up. I have always had to hide my joy from my family or they well find it and take it away somehow.
It's like they seek, search and look where I find the most joy, go to that source and taint it. For example, my brother did this with my group of friends. He started hanging out with the 2nd family I had created for myself - FAR away from my real family. He tarnished my name, character and reputation and with it the credibility of my art businesses.
My family loves to spread ill rumors that I have mental health issues when I run a global Nonprofit that exists to help heal the worlds mental health while giving girls of color protection within the art world I never had. Them not supporting me isn’t even the worse part. I think what’s FAR worse is that they lie about supporting me to my face and slander my name behind my back.
As a mental health advocate do you know what that does to my credibility? They socially outcasted me to hide their truth and simultaneously take away my power. I am obsessed with mental health care because I have always had to protect myself from a family that does not take mental health seriously.
I had to take responsibility for my own mental health because they never would. I can't count how many self help books I have read since the age of 15. At 13 I had to BEG for therapy after my parents divorce. I had to heal my own depression through art, self love, books, teachers, courses, meditation, spirituality, and more! I constantly work on myself. I work on myself every single day and am obsessed with inner work and inner growth. I like to show up as the highest version of myself every single day!
This blog is a 14 year old testament to that. So the fact that my family will not stop shading me and breaking me down even now at I'm at the highest point of a career I have had to climb myself up to - is truly deplorable.
I have been harassed by my family for months, and more brutally when announcing my solo art show.
Since no one in my life has ever stood up for me before - I am forced to stand up for myself. How can any artist create without authentic support? It's impossible. I love family. I have a very close connection to my cousins who have nothing to do with this. I even love my family as much as they spew distain back at me.
But I am DONE with this chapter of abuse. Because my family emotionally abused me for so many years and still does... my jobs, circumstances, relationships have all reflected that same abuse. They will never acknowledge it and continue to put up this cookie cutter external view of a "perfect family" never owning up to the fact that this family targets, harasses and emotionally tortures one individual artist. So while I don't even want to write this - I have to.
I should be celebrating my biggest accomplishment of planning for the BIGGEST (and 3rd) solo art show of my career. But I have been protecting myself and battling my family for months now. When announcing the show via social media my mother said "allegedly you have an art show" continuing the on-going false narrative that I am a liar, and my father tried to put in my head and my little sisters head that my paintings don't sell. That is not even true. I have sold many many paintings; by the grace of God. My fathers white girlfriend also lied on my name with my brother. They love talking about me together. And she wouldn’t let me see my own sister for over 2 years. White lies. So yea I think my mental health would have to be intact to deal with such disorder.
And on top of all that… for over 2 years my art collection has been locked in storage due to family. My mother arranged that during COVID behind my back. My Art stuff was stuck in LA and I was in the Bay and no one would help me for 2 years. I recently recovered it.
But you know what the good part of all this is? That my eyes are finally open and that I am no longer afraid to speak out against this abuse, because I know other black women and other artists go through the same and in voicing something - you learn we are never really alone. And happily the humor in all of this is… lol that they all thought I didn’t know; friends and family alike. Since the beginning I’ve been observing them ALL in silence. I’ve been watching how they move and switch up. When they tune out you home in.
So anyway, that was a long story and you can tune into my Podcast to hear all about this in more detail, but sometimes I need to write things off my chest and this was just that.
If you dig my art, all I would really ask is that you support it, support my Patreon, my art shop, Self Love Shop, Podcast, Vlog, Nonprofit and more! I have put so many digital resources our to help the collective heal and to safeguard you all against feelings of betrayal, depression, alonesness and more.
In all of this it has really made me walk my talk on another level. It has taken my artwork and self love to another level. Due to my family coming for me during an actual world pandemic it made me truly realize how much art DOES save lives and self love heals! Self love also saves lives and art heals!
Thank you for allowing me to share tumblr community and thank you for all the love & support you have been showing me! I truly appreciate it!
Click to listen to the Pod about this!
Love,
B
#PROTECTBLACKWOMEN
STOP ARTIST ABUSE - ACT NOW!
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dearestrex-blog · 3 months
Text
feeling hurt, why the lies? An ode to mental illness.
Wow, it had been a long time since my last post. However due the pain, I am feeling I wish to blog again. Unfortunately pain is not always well understood by others and even if you might mention it is them they don't seem to care. For instance just before writing this, I told a friend I was feeling hurt. The response I got was *ok*. I mean thanks for at least saying something but it doesn't exactly open the channels of communication.
However when I say at least there was a response that is because often I will text someone and get no response. Zilch, nothing, a ghosting type scenario. Occasionally I may get a response days later. But often, so often there is no response. I mean it is not hard to say sorry I don't have time to chat or sorry I think we are different people and I'm not interested in the friendship or something. No response it is just disrespectful and rude.
That leads me to colleagues, how hard is it to freaking say hello to someone? You do not have to like a person to be able to treat them as a person. What the hell is wrong in someone's head that they think it appropriate to say nothing at all to a colleague? You do not have to be best friends.
No wonder we have an epidemic of depression and loneliness when people treat each other so badly.
I was listening to the ABC news yesterday and yes that may give away my location. However I think this news was really important. It had a program that was speaking about lonliness and making friends. Some woman rang up and said she has friends she had known 60 years. How is this helpful to point out to those who have little friends or want more friends? You want to boast about your friends you had for 60 years, really ? Is that appropriate? I don't think so. Anyways this program was super good apart from that caller. I wasn't able to catch all of the program and plan to re listen.
On the exact same day (it was quite a good day in radio program land) there was a segment on Light FM. This was also quite a useful segment in terms of mental health, loneliness and friendship. I think these programs and others need to give this topic a lot more air time. On the ABC I think one of the best things they said was it should not be up to those who are isolated but those around them to see they are isolated and invite them out and include them. I think if there was more of this a lot less people would be suffering. They were saying a third of people feel lonely. They were speaking also about people feeling crappy and kind of isolating themselves the more crappy they feel.
Anyways my next point and why I am feeling shitty and writing this blog is because of a few things. One is that I am sick of people being dismissive and i really do not understand how people are so cruel. I mean it is like the statement how are you and when you say I feel awful and they say nothing. Or you try to tell them something and they block with *I don't want to hear it* as happened to me recently.
I was starting to feel better, do you know why? I finally had someone in my life who didn't have to speak to me but took the time to. Someone who had never met me but wanted to actually share parts of their life with me over several hours of talking. This person is still in my life however, I am honestly not sure how much I trust them. I felt a lot for them due to knowing I could help them in their life with their struggles and I would have loved to support that person in whatever made them happy. But I don't not think they are completely honest with me, so I'm taking a step back. They are in my life, but I don't like dishonesty. I do not like it especially when there is no reason for it. Pretty you can't talking due to wifi and then going on another site just means it is a downright lie about wifi. And it is fine if you don't want to talk and are busy, don't lie about it. It just shows how little you care about the person If you cannot be honest with them. There is that and yes that person is highly aware I would have done anything for them, they don't know yet that I realise they are lying to me and thus my trust for them and my willingness to do anything for them has waned.
My second issue apart from this person who in a short time, I started to care for a lot because of their willingness to share their life with me is family. And no my family is not abusive. At least not in the typical way. And that is what makes it extremely hard as what I am to describe next is what is hard to get support for as it is unseen. At least if you are hit but family it can be seen and people will believe you am when you talk about family issues and actually be supportive. In the case of emotional abuse as it is unseen the there is a severe lack of emotional support. I barely speak to my parents, unlike those I know who continue to live with theirs (a few friends) and those who see theirs regularly for dinner.
I spoke to one parent today (the one I talk to), the other I only speak to if seen in person. This happens because one decided to pick on everything about me and lower my self esteem to such a low level that it shatters so easily. I mean if your family cannot support and believe in you then it completely shatters any confidence as a person (which is then compounded by ghosting and nasty dismissive colleagues). The one I don't speak to picks on my weight and used to say I was fatter than them but refused to get on the scales (as it was untrue) and apparently my weight compared to what they weighed at the same age as them was important. No idea why, just classic abuse I get since I was a size 8 to 10. I had probably grown from a size 8 and underweight to a size 10 and thus apparently that was enough to utterly harass me about my weight.
Yes a couple of friends know all this but despite they understand this, it doesn't really change the feeling horrible or low confidence or self esteem and it doesn't help with the barrage of when others treat me bad that compounds these feelings.
Anyways apart from my weight, my friends were picked on, my clothes were picked on (they weren't outrageous and had they been who cares, I should be able to wear what I want without being picked on or put down). It got to the point I really had enough of this constant treatment so after years of suffering we only talk should I go to parents house in person. Getting back to calling the other parent. I called to ask about something but apparently asking and having a chat whilst they are in the middle of *paperwork* is too much and I was hurried off the phone. I barely speak to them, don't see them for dinner ever, don't see them for birthday, often I choose not to go to Christmas celebrations (as why would I want to and the one who picks on me drinks and is worse - although last Christmas didn't for a change).
Anyways I am not looking for replies and even if you do reply there are too many trolls that I refuse to read responses (including on social media accounts).
I really just wanted to voice my thoughts and get them down as often I feel shitty and I think one day I may finally sort that out. And yes so many people are aware of this. Whether they believe it though, I do not think so and honestly I don't care if they do. If they want to act on believing and caring they would and some people have. The extremely shall we say rare gems in life that actually care about others and know how to show it.
For a better understanding I have told yes via text but it is still communicating, about cutting to several relatives and a work colleague who subsequently told management (to say he will not ever be told of my thought on this again well that is clear). My relatives what did they do? F all. Go and see a therapist. Yes because talking to a stranger and no body giving a f about me and feeling depressed helps.
Did they consider visiting me or making sure I'm OK by spending time with me and showing they love me? NO, a big fat NO. So yes family is not physically abusive, but I don't think when your relative says they cut themselves you completely ignore that. I just cannot fathom every doing that to the next generation of relatives I have (no it wasn't deep and yes it was a weird experience in that I wanted to get the emotional pain out for all to see. However then the probelm was it not professional for it to be seen at work. It was shallow but nevertheless marked for a little while.). It just highlights how very little they as some say gaf. And yes that is short for three words.
Anyways desire having no much desire to see a psych sometimes when you could lose your job, you are kind of forced to. And that is not the role where the colleague dobbed me into management who forced me to take time off work (because staying at home and wallowing in wanting to die was extremely healthy for me, not!l). I saw a few different ones and my current friend who I mention above that has been talking to me is unaware of this, however if the file they sent me hacked me phone then I think they will be aware of it now. This friend thinks psychs are not useful and I can agree on a certain level. I went to these psychs (psychologists to spell out the word and be more clear). They got money from me, saw me a few sessions and you poor your heart out to them, all the type of stuff written above and guess that they do? They tell you I'm sorry I don't think I can help you. I've seen you a few times and now you also want to reject me? I even told one that the previous one had rejected me and they still had the audacity to reject me. I should have reported them however when you are in a bad place sometimes it is difficult to have the energy to do much.
Anyways 2 of the people I saw rejected me, one was not useful, one was hard to see due to my work schedule and that one cut the session in half. And the finally one that place was a bit of a stitch up as made me pay a fortune despite that it should have been cheaper. That person seemed nice enough but I didn't have 100 dollars to keep giving them just to talk to them about stuff. As the person who I mention earlier has said you should be able to lean on friends for most stuff. And no he is no aware I went. Would I dare mention it to him and then him also say sorry you are too crazy, I don't want to talk to you? No
Becuase that is another probelm I have had, people reject you if you tell them you are suffering. Uni friends did exactly that. Past relationships whilst many have not cared and been extremely generous, kind and supportive with my trauma. There are those who one you tell them, they cannot run away fast enough.
Anyways no idea if this will ever be read by anyone or if I even want it read by anyone. However it is good to put my feeling down and have an example of how I feel, should I need to show it to anyone to better understand me Although likely not, as I don't want more time off to continue to feel shitty, I don't want more rejection based on these words. I don't have the strength.
I appreciate those who generously give them time and are supportive. The rare gems who actually listen about feeling shitty and actually understand and emphasise instead of dismiss. Albeit I am highly sick of always being the one to text first. To not hear for months from people. And no I have not mentioned the sibling and in order to attempt to remain anonymous I do not want to go into the lies, gaslighting, drunkeness and utterly inability to respond to messages such that I don't bother anymore. On regard to said sibling.
Anyways back to the few that listen. Thank you, you have no idea the change you make, in making life a bit more bearable. The one who I mention above who was calling me, you may never know the difference you made by coming into my life and telling me about your life. I am not sure yet, if that will ever come out as the friendship that I have with you is far too new and despite your lies about wifi oo valuable to me to risk losing by telling you this. I am already far too aware of your thoughts about depression, psychs, and I fear telling you would make you run a mile. I continue to appreciate you from afar and hope to be able to remain your friend for a long time. Despite thinking maybe, just maybe it would be possible to date since we are both single albeit living no where near each other. Despite willing to spend money I shouldn't in an attempt to see you in person far quicker than you could probably understand considering the length of time we have known each other (for you mean a great deal). It is fine for you to be cautious, of someone you haven't ever seen in person, that could be a potential spammer, that could try be after your money. Albeit I am not after anyone's money. I am not wanting to scam you and really all I seek is some good, supportive people or network of people who can lift me up when others try and succeed in pushing me down.
I thought in both being single and your bad experiences dating that I could support you albeit you are hung up on your ex. I had just hoped to show you not everyone of the opposite sex is horrid and out to get you. I hoped to just show affection for you as you have meant a lot to me.
I think I'm getting to end of my rambling. Essentially I wanted to get my thoughts down. If someone should read this, my hope is that they can be kind and not dismiss others. My hope is that they do not tell others to see a psych and actually listen to the person. My hope is that if you ask someone how they are that you will really listen to the person and support them if they say they feel awful. Let them speak. You don't have to say a lot, but ignoring or dismissing them is just cruel. Saying nothing to a person you work with is also cruel. Something that I to this say cannot understand how a person can behave in that manner. Essentially all I want is for people to be kind, you don't have to love or like a person to be kind. You don't have to truly care but you can make a huge difference by just listening and being friendly. Just as you can make a person's life hell by doing the reverse. Everyone is suffering and this my story. This is how I suffer and my story isn't over but tonight I end to out the suffering in words. For should I ever wish it to be over, the words ahave started to be rewritten, the why and who and how has began to be told. People don't understand mental heath, they don't like to associate with those with mental health issues they like to push them away which further complicates and alienates the person suffering. But this is my story about mental health. Albeit there is a lot missing from it, as I have only spoken to how I feel today albeit in a lengthy way. I am by no means an angel and have hurt people and continue to regret the hurt I have caused kind hearted partners in the past. Something I can never take back and did not understand how I hurt them at the time for many years afterwards. I don't know where this will go in internet land but hopefully it helps explain mental illness and the affect one person can have on others. I hope that one day my next generation of relatives will understand thy I wasn't in their lives when they were younger and be more accepting and supportive than the rest of my relatives.
I hope that oe day I can tell the person the affect they have had when we know each other better and that person will not reject me for admitting it. I hope really truly deeply hope people can learn to be kinder, less dismissive and just accepting of people. I will never understand why people are not friendly, I will never understand why they are dismissive or cruel. I hope that the laws will change as I know they can be terrible for children being place back in households with drug use and abusive situations. No child should be suffering and forced to live in an unsafe situation. The world needs a lot of change to be a better place and that starts with the behaviour of us all and the way we all treat each other.
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opalpearl86 · 8 months
Text
Passionate Desires
Dave York x Aurora Black Story
Warning: breaking and entering, rape at the end
Chapter 5: A Passionate Affair
Aurora stayed at ‘The Birdcage’ until Ricky was able to clocked out from his shift with another co-worker of his and had to help walk her drunken crazy ass to her fucking apartment four blocks down the street. Once they were there, Ricky and his co-worker Cubby had to help Aurora into her damn apartment and get her on the bed to sober up until the morning. After Ricky and Cubby left, she got back up and sober herself a little bit, was able to strip all the way down to her cheekies, also put on an oversized t-shirt and went back to sleep.
Dave followed Aurora and the two bartenders down the four blocks to her apartment. He was very amused to see how tipsy she was after leaving the bar, pulled out his phone and texted Ari about Resnik.
York:
Ari, Where is that fucker Resnik doing right now?
Ari:
    Still at the damn office pacing around like a fucking crazed lunatic up there. What about Black and her current mood right now, York?
York:
On the way home right now. She is currently drunk and tipsy, has two damn bartenders from that gay bar helping her crazy ass the fuck out.
Ari:
Haha
York:
Not funny, you fucker! I have to go upstairs to her apartment and bloody brake in until after those two bartenders fucking leave.
Ari:
Fine, I’ll keep tabs on that little snake Resnik. But text me when you want to get Black out from that bastard’s claws and put her at your safehouse out of state, York.
York:
I’ll let you know about that topic later, Ari.
After Dave finally got off the phone with Ari, he walked all the way down to the street of Aurora’s neighborhood. Reading the report of his precious target, at the beginning of the surveillance he found out the Calderon-Boots and the Blacks were both fairly wealthy families. Aurora possibly gets a fairly nice monthly allowance from her family to afford to live in this really nice neighborhood in the city. The two bartenders that were with her left the apartment and they went in the other direction. Dave finally walked up to Aurora’s apartment, so he entered the building to meet his precious target in person.
Dave spent a good fifteen minutes finding Aurora’s apartment number. Finally found her damn apartment on the third floor, he broke in and entered the forbidden realm that she lives in. Aurora woke up to a strange noise at her apartment door and got up from the bed still hungover. She stumbled out of her room and walked into the living room then found herself going into a solid wall of a strong man.
After entering Aurora’s apartment, Dave finds this place really cute and unique for a woman who has a good taste in interior decoration. He stopped and watched Aurora stumbling out of her room, she ended up falling right into Dave York's strong arms. Dave chortled and smiled in the back of his mind in what Aurora just did right now, so he finally guided her back to her bedroom and cuddled with her until she woke up in the morning. He was just looking at all over of Aurora’s body: 5’10”, between 125 to 145 pounds, a very curvy figure that she inherited from her mother’s side of the family, hazel eyes that were on the green side, long dark brown hair that can be put up in a messy bun, full d breasts, and a large ass as well. Dave's cock was getting completely hard and it wanted out badly, had no choice but to pull it out and took Aurora’s cheekies off as well. 
Dave started putting his two thick fingers into Aurora's already wet pussy and began to stimulating her until she had an fucking orgasm. Fuck, Aurora's pussy is really tight and she is still a fucking virgin as well. He had enough with this and decided to go over her, put his thick cock into Aurora's sweet precious heat and deflowered her all at the same time.
Aurora was beginning to slowly have to wake up to some sudden aching pain in her pussy, also an extreme weight pounding in and out of her body as well. Now fully awake, she finally had seen some random man having sex with her without her damn fucking consent.
“Get off of me, you fucking asshole,” Aurora shouted and hit her assailant. Her shouting and hitting were no good at all, the male assailant was still pumping his warm seed into her until he had an orgasm of his own.
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standtogether2020 · 9 months
Text
FEAR
Fear haunts you always, the goal is to overcome what you can.
Fear is also only one word in a level system, starting with anxiety.
Anxiety is a derivative of fear and though the list may be in the wrong order, I believe this is where it starts. From worry to anxiety then the signs of being scared into panic then full paranoia switching over to outright fear evolving into terror and finally paralyzation.
This chain of the brain's processing system can be a hindrance to anyone and maybe even everyone if you are willing to show it. I feel that everyone has a weakness to fear in some way shape form or another. The problem is not the fact of knowing this chemical process of the brain exists but knowing what level matches what situation for it is different for all. I have been working with one of my wonderful ladies through her anxiety for a few years now. I'm surprised I did not think of this as a topic sooner. After one of her recent surgeries, her anxiety got really bad on certain things. I will leave it at that as it is up to her as an individual adult to share her medical records, though I am proud of the support groups she has been a part of. I may have logic but I lack experience where these support groups have the experience. So a quick thank you to the people for helping her where I lack first-hand knowledge. On the logical side of things though this is the advice I spoke to ease her mind...
I get that anxiety is a real thing and it may not be something to completely overcome. It will always be a part of our life. It is our brain's natural safeguard to protect us from bad situations or dangerous circumstances. Although you can not let it rule you. The brain may do the auto-calculating for us on the matter of what is scary, but now and again we have to manually calibrate a new list with reason and logic to decide if something is worth the fear or not. If you listen to your auto fears constantly you will always live in a shell and be branded as a coward and knowing today's society many other words can attack the mind a lot worse. But by adding bravery and courage you will have the strength to face it instead of running from it.
This was not quite understood right away so I came up with some scenarios to help comprehension. for instance...
Every time I personally go on a walk I wonder when I will fall into a manhole I didn't know was open for sewer line repairs I was unaware of, or every time I cross the road will be the time I get hit by a car, truck, or bus. Who knows, keep in mind if these are confusing,... I AM BLIND haha... others were in the police force. How many times do they walk into a gas station robbery wondering if they tell a young adult to put the stolen item back and do it simple as that or tell them to put the item back just to receive staring down the barrel of a 45. Or will speeders pull over right away or cause a ten-mile pursuit through high traffic, red lights, construction zones, or mall plazas how many casualties will happen. Or to go deeper a military soldier walking across the desert wondering when the next step will be when they hear a heavy click and realize they can no longer move or sudden death due to the pressure mine they now stand on. Thinking how long they will last before they get tired of standing and fall or get shot down due to being stuck in the open. Maybe even the thought of someone on their bomb squad making it to them in time to defuse it or the thoughts of the bomb specialist what if this mine is wired differently. which wire will release it, and which one will make us both go.
All of these people are brave and courageous because even though these fears are deeply rooted they still go out there and do what they're trained for because they all have one goal in mind. For the good of our country and the protection of our people. When my woman was four blocks down having an asthma attack it was up to me to grab the rescue inhaler and blindly book it at high speed on foot. I did not care what obstacle got in my way. I would be there for my woman when she needed me or I would die trying.
I hope this can help others with anxiety or those in fear of something. Understanding fear will always be in our lives but I hope this can help the processing of anxiety ... even just a little better
--- Eli Mackay Ramirez
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casspurrjoybell-30 · 1 year
Text
Bonding with the Enemy - Chapter 23
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*Warning Adult Content*
Getting Found Out
Since Liam said he wouldn't be back till later, Jasper decided to take advantage of the situation and made a few executive decisions, one of which was leaving Darren at the Alpha's house so he could go and visit Kenny.
He explained that it'd probably be a good idea to ask Holly directly if she was at the Cafe' but Since Darren and Kenny weren't on the best of terms, they agreed that it'd be better for the rogue to sit this one out.
Darren wasn't quite alone in the house though.
Mary was still there, doing her daily chores.
The rogue considered offering to help but was overcome with doubts as he realized he had no idea how the woman perceived him.
She had been nice enough so far but for all he knew, she probably wanted him out of the pack as much as everyone else did. 
Since he promised Jasper that he'd stay inside, he knew he couldn't completely avoid her, so he wound up watching TV in the living room for the afternoon.
"Well?" Darren sat up as soon as Jasper returned.
The young Alpha shook his head.
"She had no idea what I was talking about."
Darren sighed.
Maybe there was another ghost that just happened to look like the girl?
No, that couldn't be it.
But what if it was some sort of special spirit that could mimic a living person?
He'd have to do some research to see if that was possible. 
Speaking of supernatural research....
Standing, he pulled out a business card and handed it to Jasper.
The Alpha glanced down at it curiously.
"Who's Richard Grill?"
"Think of him like an exorcist," Darren replied.
"He's human but he knows how to get rid of evil spirits." 
Richard was his go-to for whenever the rogue found himself haunted by unsavory spirits.
The Alpha didn't seem very sure about trusting a human to help with pack issues but he also didn't argue and put the card in his wallet.
Darren let out a breath, relieved that his recommendation hadn't been cast aside like usual. 
After that, the rest of the day was fantastically boring.
At dinner, it was decided that Jasper and Darren would go to the grocery store in search of any ghosts that may have seen what happened to Shane.
As for Liam,  he admitted that he didn't have any results from his lead yet.
Darren wondered just what kind of lead he had but the conversation topic shifted and he missed his chance to ask. 
That night, Darren caught Jasper eyeing him from across the room as the two got ready for bed.
"What?" he snapped, not liking the amount of attention the man was giving him.
He had been jumped twice already and was not up for letting it happen a third time.
Jasper frowned.
"Nothing. I'll go sleep downstairs."
With that, the young Alpha grabbed a blanket and left. 
Darren stared at the bed for a long moment, considering whether or not it'd be safe to sleep on.
He knew there was a high probability of having a wet dream if he got too comfortable, so he opted to do something to prevent this. 
After removing his night clothes, the rogue began shifting into his wolf form.
He decided this would be the safest thing to do since it would be hard to 'drive stick' without hands.
Once he was fully shifted, he circled around his little pile on the floor and laid down.
Just as he was about to drift off to sleep, a presence began pulling at his mind.
He immediately knew what it was and felt like the connection was somehow stronger than before despite the Collar blocking the worst of it.
This unsettled the rogue as he curled up even tighter and attempted to push the man out of his head.
Unfortunately this didn't seem to work and Jasper doubled down on his efforts. 
Grunting, Darren rolled over and tried to sleep with about as much success as usual.
Jasper's tugging eventually stopped some time early the next morning.
Thanks to that, Darren decided he might as well get up for the day. 
Shifting back to his human form, he got dressed and went downstairs.
No one else appeared to be awake yet and Jasper was still passed out on the couch, so the rogue decided to poke around for a bit.
Just as he was passing the kitchen, he heard a noise down the hall that drew his attention.
Following the sound, he found a study room with it's door ajar.
Curious, he peeked through the crack and spotted Liam sorting through paperwork.
The papers in the man's hands had pictures of children paperclipped to them and Darren stared intently, wondering just what it was that Liam was up to so early in the morning.
"I know you're there, Mr. Nelson. Why don't you come in and have a seat?" the Alpha spoke without looking up from his work and Darren all but jumped out of his skin as he was caught spying.
Meekly, the rogue opened the door and stepped inside.
Liam flopped a set of folders onto the desk and focused on Darren, causing the rogue to want to shrink back in embarrassment. 
"I've been wanting to have a proper talk with you since our last...encounter," he said the last word almost regretfully.
Darren opened his mouth, prepared to make a rude comment, then snapped it shut when he remembered how close Liam came to destroying his Rogue's Collar last time.
"I want you to know," The Alpha circled around the desk and stood in front of it.
"My first and foremost goal is making sure Jasper is ready to take over this pack when the time comes. Unfortunately, there have been a lot of distractions lately and they seem to be interfering with my teachings."
Darren decided to brave a question.
"What kind of leader were you hoping to make him if all you want him to do is follow your orders?"
Liam tilted his head.
"A proper one."
Irritation ignited in the rogue and he clenched his fist to stop himself from saying anything too abrasive.
"Jasper is trying to fix things with the pack members he used to bully. This was something he would have done a long time ago if it weren't for your 'teachings'. He's technically strengthening his connection to the pack by doing this, so I don't understand how that wouldn't make him a proper leader."
It felt odd to be defending Jasper like this but Darren had to make this man see that what was happening was not as bad as he was making it out to be.
"That's not what I'm talking about," the Alpha folded his arms.
"I'm talking about the fact that he is being swayed by your words too easily. You made him question my leadership practically over night and now he's openly disobeying me and going off to do his own thing, thus neglecting his duties. At this rate, he will not be ready to take on the responsibility of Alpha when the time comes. Furthermore, you convinced him to give up on finding his mate when he should have tried harder. Yet when you suggested that he may have hurt her, he gave up without question? No werewolf can resist the pull of the bond, so I can't help but wonder how it is that your words have so much power over him."
Liam eyed the small rogue, examining his reaction as Darren squirmed under his scrutiny.
"As a matter of fact, the only person who would have the power to convince someone to give up on their bond would be their mate."
Despite his best efforts not to react, the rogue couldn't help how his body locked up at the insinuation.
This did not go unnoticed by the Alpha and Darren realized he just outed himself. 
Liam squinted as realization dawned on him.
"I want to let you know something important. Being bonded to an Alpha doesn't mean you have the same authority. It is the mate's responsibility to support their partner and vice versa. Now that I've confirmed my suspicions, I suppose I can understand your actions a bit better. But be warned, what you think is the right thing may not always be the right decision. Alphas have to act differently from the ones they lead and sometimes, sacrifices have to be made."
Darren assumed the guy was referring to Jasper's old victims, thus suggesting that he let Jasper forget about apologizing to them and focus on more 'important' things.
That or he was trying to convince Darren to stop telling him what to do. 
Whatever he was trying to say, Darren had no intention of complying.
Jasper was a big boy and could make his own decisions.
All Darren was doing was calling him out on his bullshit and he certainly had no plans of stopping now.
Liam waved towards the door as though he had gotten his point across.
"You are dismissed."
Darren took the opportunity to bolt.
Once he had a good distance between himself and the Alpha, panic set in. 
Was Liam going to tell Jasper that Darren was his mate? 
That was more than likely but there was nothing the rogue could do about it other than wait in anticipation.
He sat silently during breakfast and listened in as the family had their usual small talk before dispersing for work.
Darren felt relieved when his bond with Jasper hadn't been brought up. 
Halfway to the car, Jasper started staring at him worriedly.
"Are you alright?" the young Alpha asked.
The rogue stared out the window, pointedly ignoring the topic.
He was too exhausted to have a decent conversation right now. 
Turning a corner, Darren suddenly spotted a familiar figure and broke his silence as he shot forward.
"STOP THE CAR."
Jasper slammed on the breaks, startled but didn't have time to ask anything before the rogue hopped out and ran towards the little girl that was playfully spinning around a light post.
"Hey. Wait up," Jasper called from the car as he hurried to find a safe place to park.
Looking around, Darren didn't spot any adults nearby, so it was extremely odd for this girl to be here alone.
As soon as Jasper caught up, he pointed towards her and asked...
"Do you see her?"
"Who?"
'Well that answered that question.'
Walking up to her, the little girl stopped what she was doing and backed away.
Darren made sure to get a good look before she faded away.
It was definitely the same girl but her hair was down this morning and she had on a pink shirt with the word 'princess' written in glitter.
"Can you do me a favor?" Darren asked Jasper.
"Depends on what it is?"
"Ask Kenny if Holly is wearing a shirt that says 'princess' today?"
Jasper looked confused but shook it off and shot the Beta a text.
A moment later, he received a reply and looked back at the rogue in disbelief.
"How did you know?"
"Because she was just here," Darren answered, then returned to the car as he finally figured out what was going on.
Back on their way to the grocery store, Jasper struggled to understand what Darren had said.
"How could she be there if she's not a ghost? I mean, I couldn't see her, so why could you?" 
"Because she was astral projecting," Darren replied confidently.
Jasper's eyebrows shot up in wonder.
"Really? But powers don't normally develop until later."
"I know," Darren agreed.
His own powers hadn't kicked in till he was at least ten.
Then again, had they developed sooner, he'd have probably been scarred for life.
The next question was figuring out why the girl didn't say anything about her ability when Jasper interrogated her yesterday.
Arriving at their destination, Darren immediately spotted a ghost out front.
She was a thin woman in an apron with her hair tied back in a bun.
He walked up to her without hesitation, knowing that the people coming and going from the building would think he was talking to himself. 
"Hello?" He greeted at the young woman.
The spirit ignored him at first but Darren repeated himself and waved his hand in front of her face, drawing her attention.
"You can see me?" she asked, surprised.
Darren nodded.
"I was hoping you could help us find this kid?" he pulled out a picture of Shane, glad that Jasper had remembered to bring it.
The woman examined the picture closely before nodding.
"I remember him. The kid wandered away from his father about a month ago and got into a car over there."
She pointed towards the road beside the supermarket.
The area was highly obscured by a row of trees, so unless someone was specifically looking over there, no one would have noticed a kid getting abducted.
"Do you remember anything about the car?" Darren decided to try and get as many details as possible.
"It was old and rusty, with chipped red paint but there was no license plate on it. I don't know much about cars, so I can't tell you the make or model."
"That's fine," Darren thanked the woman, then turned to relay this information to Jasper when he bumped into someone. 
Surprised, he backed up to find his parents staring back at him. 
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itsmaferart · 2 years
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Twiyor Parallelism # 3.3 Yor maternal Figure
In my previous post do a couple of analysis of Twilight and Yor individually, detailing individual aspects of their personality and the conflict that raises each character in their background. Now, I want to develop an analysis that will be divided into several parts, about these characters at the point where they are similar and opposite to each other, and how their dynamics develop. I clarify, that this is based on the manga and my own point of view, being my own theories of what it means - but this can change, depending on the course that follows the manga that is in issue. That being said, let's get started
After talking about Twilight's perception of both parental figures that make up a family. I want to talk about the perception of Yor and Yuri, and the paternal absence
Even though from Yor's first appearances, we know that she lost her parents. It is not until chapter 24 of the manga that we have even the slightest mention of her mother. Which, is a brief memory. But, as Yuri and Yor mention, the memories of their parents are so old and blurred that they seem to have forgotten them too.
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Barely remembering a female silhouette that served them a delicious stew
Specifically, we have no information on the Briar parents, their personalities, their appearance, much less the true cause of their death. Still a mystery until now... So it's hard to know what kind of relationship they had with their children.
However, Yuri and Yor have always seemed to have a good, supportive relationship, and one of their fondest memories is their delicious food —A positive memory— So, I am inclined to say that they were a happy and united family, until the tragic death happened.
Actually, I believe that the brothers did not witness the loss. Since, although, they always emphasize being alone, they never seem to associate this with sadness or a cause. I don't know if they both voluntarily blocked this memory, or if their parents disappeared and they concluded that they died. Twilight, though, tries to block out his parents' memories. It is clear that his parents disappeared for a reason, the "war", which is his motivation and his greatest enemy —to put it that way. Yor and Yuri, on the other hand, don't seem to blame the war or anyone. As if they didn't know the cause. (But, honestly, I prefer to leave that topic for another post)
It is here when we can see that Yor and Yuri suffer a complete absence of both figures.
As I said before, parent-child relationships also work as a reference or a mirror where we project ourselves. From childhood we need a reference to grow, a mirror in which to look at ourselves and a person who accompanies you, listens to you and is with us when we need it. However, children with the absence of both figures can develop conflicts that can alter their entire lives.
Being the older sister, Yor took on the responsibility of raising Yuri and trying to cover all his needs. Both brothers seem to not have any other close relatives (cousins, uncles or friends) who could take care of them. We can only see an old woman on a panel giving Yor advice. But I think maybe the area where they lived was isolated from the war, so they didn't suffer from close range side effects. But, surely, the war caused crises and more isolation. Increasing poverty in isolated areas.
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So, even if there were adults who were their neighbors and the rural schools were still active (Since Yuri attended school). Perhaps no adult wanted to take responsibility for raising two children, since that would imply an enormous responsibility and he would not have how to support them. And the same crisis would cause children to lose their parents to be ignored. And for that, no orphanage or association seemed to care that there are two children alone (In addition, that could imply that the brothers would be separated)
Regardless of what the case may have been. Yor was the one who assumed the head of the family
It is believed that losing innocence at an early age is one of the causes of greater insecurities in children. Since, having to assume social roles from a very young age, and not having experienced the stages prior to adulthood, it generates many complexes.
Something that perfectly matches Yor. Although, Yor tried to give Yuri the necessary food and care, so that he received the "necessary nutrients", and prepared homemade medicine. Yor did not understand the excesses. That is why his only rule when cooking is to mix food without having an idea of ​​the proportion and flavors....Or the reason why he takes "very literally" the medical indications to treat a fever
Despite having raised his brother, with "apparent success" (it is not known how he survived xD) Yor has many insecurities about being a mother. Because she did not have a direct figure that would teach her to distinguish the most basic.
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This is something Camila understands. Yor and Yuri, lost the perception of good food. And they just got used to eating Yor's killer meals
Yor developed many insecurities about herself. What makes her indecisive and to have constant doubts. She assumes that the roles of the mother are based "on social roles" because the time she lives imposes many ideas about what a woman should or should not do at home. And not being able to perform them perfectly frustrates her and makes her lower her own value.
Yor only thinks that she is good at the things she learned from Garden: killing and cleaning (After seeing the director clean the crime scene, I understood why Yor is so good xD) Because Garden became what raised her, trained her and put her strength to use —I think it goes without saying that Garden is not a healthy reference in everyday life. Which explains Yor's tendency to have murderous fantasies, with everyday aspects of life
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Yuri, unlike his sister, developed a much more impulsive, impatient and totally dependent personality. Having no parents, Yor filled all his voids. Developing an unhealthy dependency on her, out of fear of being rejected or abandoned. That is why he feels that he is capable of sacrificing himself excessively in order to have someone by his side. (I want to talk about Yuri's complex in another future post)
In the present
I think though both brothers are very awkward. I believe that both have a relationship based on love and genuine affection. Both brothers care for and protect each other, but just having each other made them dependent, to the degree that one was the reason for existing for the other. Not having a mother or father has caused him not to be able to distinguish what society considers normal or not, or good or bad.
Creating very large insecurities and complexes.
Curiously, their dysfunctional and weird personalities are perfect for their organizations, who have taken advantage of them and end up rewarding their social oddities.
Meanwhile, Garden takes advantage of Yor's physical power, and how willing she is to eliminate anyone while protecting her brother's life. The SSS takes advantage of Yuri's extremist personality and his desire to make a better world.
Although Twilight lost his parents at a young age. He seems to have a much clearer notion of the roles of a father and a mother, the authentic ones and the socially accepted ones.
While to Yor and Yuri, they seem oblivious, being to some extent ignorant/innocent of what is normal or not.
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But, if we put aside how broken and twisted the Briar can be. These two brothers are good, sweet and tender people deep down. And although it was by instinct, their main value was to preserve love and peace, to give the other a happy life. Even if they were alone
That made Yor develop her maternal instinct from a very young age and be a wonderful mother to Anya. And although, Yuri is a little off his head, he really is someone grateful, who is moved by those who protect what they consider valuable.
It's nice that with or without parents of little ones, this should not limit us to wanting to care for or start a family in the future. Because it was love that preserved this bond between brothers
.
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What are you thinking?
Next part here
You can read the previous part here
Bonus +
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bookofmirth · 3 years
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I saw your recent response to an anon where you mentioned the drama that occurred the other day based around bookprofessor’s post. Obviously you don’t have to respond to this or publish it if you do not wish but I just wanted to bring up that while it is important to focus on the real life issues at hand, the OP was hypocritical in her post which is why people were getting upset. She was preaching against ableism while simultaneously flaunting her IQ and degree which is a form of ableism. She was speaking out against racism while ending her post using the racial slur “cracker” when talking about the possibly Caucasian Twitter elriels.
Obviously she had some important points but it was completely overshadowed by her participation in the hate speech and prejudice that she was speaking out against.
This does not in any way justify the nasty messages she received but on the same hand, I do not blame anyone that called her out for her hypocrisy. I hope you can understand why her post was so negatively received and how flawed it was. My hope is that one day everyone can just ignore the negativity, report those who are being racist/prejudiced in any way, and block those who are just being loud and who you don’t wish to see content from. But unfortunately I do not see that happening any time soon.
There are a few things I want to address in this because I think it's a good moment for the fandom to step back and reflect on how we treat one another, how we react to such issues, and how we behave moving forward.
First off, thanks for explaining your point of view without being antagonistic. I do think that everyone's emotional reactions to the post were valid. I do NOT think their responses, in terms of words and actions, were valid. Now before I move forward, I want to clarify that when I use the word "you", I am referring to anyone who may have had the response I am describing - not you personally, anon. Also please don’t freak out about how long this is, as a majority of it is a response to the fandom in general, not you in particular.
What was - and wasn’t - said in the original post
In this post, there were completely valid criticisms of the way that people in this fandom behave, and it wasn’t “generalizing” a certain group, it was literal, actual proof of things that had been said, by multiple people. I’m not going to get too into what Alyssa argued because her critiques of those tweets was flawless. The original post had very valid criticisms of what was happening on Twitter. Alyssa exposed the actually racist, homophobic, and imperialistic underpinnings of those tweets.
However, a lot of people are stuck on the bits before and after those critiques. @bookprofessor apologized for different aspects of her post in a few different asks. There were perhaps better ways that some of those things could have been phrased, some things that could have been left out. And she apologized. People can accept that apology or not but we can’t act like it didn’t happen. Like she didn’t reflect and learn to do better.
However, the people she was calling out have not done the same thing, and if anything, comments that focus more on Alyssa’s tone than why she wrote the post in the first place lets those people off the hook.
On cracker - Using the word "cracker" is not racist in the same way that using racial slurs against POC is. Is it prejudiced? Yes. But you cannot say that it is the same thing when that is demonstrably untrue, given centuries of oppressive history. No one has been oppressed for being white. Those are not the same. Reverse racism is not a thing because a white person punching down on POC is NOT AT ALL the same thing as a POC punching up at white people. The actions look the same, but the impact is so unequal it’s not even funny.
Racism is a systemic, institutionalized problem. It is not defined by individual actions, though those actions can either support or challenge racism. When someone calls a white person a cracker, there isn’t centuries of oppression giving power to and reinforcing that statement. That is not a “gotcha” moment.
Saying “I have x IQ” or “I have X degrees” is not ableist. I’m sorry to whoever told you it was ableist (again, not you specifically anon but people who had read the “aw shucks guys” vagueblogs about it), but it’s not. Those are facts. I have no idea what my IQ is, but I have five degrees from institutions of higher education. Me saying that is in no way ableist. 
Often, people mention those things to be elitist, yes. Sometimes, they can be used to say “hey I know more about this than you”. They can be used in a way that tries to make themselves feel superior. I suspect that this is the impression that a lot of people got of the post. However, there is a fine line between saying “hey that’s elitist” and professing anti intellectualism. Which is perhaps a side issue so I’ll let that go for now.
Another reason that people mention their degrees or qualifications is to establish their background knowledge and credibility. If I were to say “hey y’all I have two MA degrees” (which is true) I am not being ableist! It is a fact! It is factual! And I worked my ass off for those, I will be in student loan debt until I die for those, I have every right to mention them if I want to, and often I do so in order to establish my credibility, to explain the position I am coming from. And my prior knowledge of these topics is relevant when we are talking about literature since that’s what my degrees were on - literature and linguistics. That is why Alyssa mentioned her background, though she did pair it with comments about other people, for which she has apologized.
My final point about this is that I 1000% understand feeling insecure or less than because of educational attainment. I dropped out of high school. I had a complex about that for a long, long time. But I also know that if I took offense at someone else saying they had a PhD, then that offense is about me, not them. Someone else’s inferiority complex is not reason for people to pretend to be less than they are.
If those two comments are what overshadowed the bigger, more important issue for a lot of the readers of that post, then y’all allowed them to overshadow those more important issues. I am 99% sure that someone right now is reading this and thinking “but Leslie, it was the way that she said it!” Boy have I got some news for you!
How we react
This next section is not specific to this ask; instead, it is a discussion of how the fandom responded. If it were only one person who had said “but her tone” then I wouldn’t need to make this point. The fact that multiple people are exhibiting the behavior explained below is what makes this a cultural problem within the acotar fandom.
The main argument I saw on the post itself, and indeed any time I see people bring up how nasty Twitter can be, is that “it was a joke” and “that’s how stan Twitter works”.
No.
Those responses were quite useful for this post, though! So buckle up everyone, because I am going to talk about gaslighting, racism, respectability politics, and tone policing. While I understand that some people might have taken personal offense to what was said, there is a much bigger issue at stake that has nothing to do with individual feelings, and everything to do with ensuring that POC stay silenced and white supremacy is upheld. 
Back to the “but it’s a joke” thing. Thanks for gaslighting! Great example of that, person I’m not going to tag! Gaslighting is when you make someone question their experiences, when you try to make them think “wait, did I really feel that way? Is my feeling about that valid? Do I need to re-evaluate my response to this?? Am I blowing this out of proportion???” And saying “it’s just a joke” is a perfect way to do that. Did I say something accidentally sexist? It’s just a joke, nbd! Now you’re the problem, because you didn’t understand my joke and laugh!!! 
Saying “it’s a joke” or “oh they are old/young/ignorant, they will learn” is not a good response to... anything. It takes the responsibility off the people who are doing the harm, and putting it onto the people who were hurt. And in this case, anyone who read those tweets and found them harmful (which should be everyone?) is completely valid. You aren’t lesser for being angry or emotional or for seeing a problem where other people saw a joke. The people who see those things as acceptable jokes are the ones in the wrong.
This is a tactic that is used against women all the time. Any time a woman is sexually harassed at work or online, for example, and she gets upset about it, and someone chimes in with “oh they weren’t serious, can’t you take a joke?” So you can imagine what this is like for women of color.
It is a very, very common tactic for people of color to be silenced via tone policing and respectability politics. Tone policing and respectability politics are very closely related, especially in this context. The idea is that if Alyssa had just written that post in just the right way, it would have been more palatable to white people, and therefore okay to write. The idea that if she had tried to be “understanding” or “see it from their perspective” or understand that it’s “just a joke” are all ways to silence and de-legitimize any accurate, valid criticisms that were made of those tweets. It effectively re-routes the conversation away from the real issues, and to the person trying to bring them up. It’s essentially an ad hominem attack in disguise. 
We see respectability politics in media when people of color who act or dress or speak like white people are afforded more respect. Or any time that a person of color is pulled over and people say, “well if they had just done what the police officer asked...” There is a pervasive idea that if people just “act” properly, aka if you act white, then the police won’t feel antagonized and try to kill arrest you. If we are nice enough, meek enough, smile enough, etc. then we will be accepted.
When we tone police, we refuse to allow marginalized people the right to be angry. We say that "hey, we can only have this discussion if you leave emotion, which you rightfully feel, at the door, and we can only continue this discussion if you behave in a way that makes me feel comfortable." But guess what? It isn’t about you! These discussions are often highly uncomfortable. There is no nice way to tell someone they are being racist. And yet somehow, that is the ever-moving goalpost. It seems reasonable, right? “Just be civil, be nice, don’t insult each other!” And there is that. But those criteria change constantly, to the point where anyone (white) at any time can say “WHOA WHOA THIS IS MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE???” Then we find ourselves at zero, and suddenly the focus of attention has shifted away from the actual problem.
Before we go further, I want to say this: people have a right to be angry. They do not need to make their anger palatable or tasteful for the consumption of others (read: white people). 
We saw this last summer, and I’m not sure how the message didn’t get across. But people are rightfully angry about racism. They are angry about the murder of people of color by police, they are angry about lack of quality education, or clean water, of centuries of oppression that have led to this very moment when all of that ceases to matter because a white woman’s feelings got hurt one time. 
And that is what pisses me off so much. There is no way in this world that we could criticize tweets like those that everyone would agree with, and that everyone would “approve” of, that would be “nice” enough and yet still be impactful and make the authors of those tweets understand the gravity of what they have done. 
The least we can do is allow one another to express our anger, our outrage, because it’s highly likely that those people know exactly what the fuck they are doing, and they do not fucking care. By criticizing a woman of color for the way in which she chose to engage with this topic, we are avoiding the issue and letting the people in those tweets off the hook. 
There were many responses to that post that were positive, that agreed with Alyssa. There are a ton of people who disagree with those tweets, who find them disgusting, who understand exactly how and why they are problematic. That should be what we are talking about. Getting to the core of the argument, on that post or any about racism or other problematic behavior in fandom, requires getting past our own egos. It requires us to be able to step back, say “hm this thing is frustrating but there is a bigger picture here”. It’s not easy, and I recognize that. 
The fact that it is a common tactic though? To say “hey this hurt me personally and so I’m going to ignore any valid points you made?” That feeds directly into centuries of white supremacy because it, once again, silences POC and makes them try to play a losing game. And they will always lose, because no matter how hard they try to play the white game, the goalposts are constantly shifting. So you know what? Fuck the game, and fuck respectability politics, and fuck tone policing and “uwu be nice guys” because when it comes to things like racism and sexism, I don’t expect the people who deserve to be criticized to be nice. In fact, trying to be nice only serves to fuck POC over in the end.
Indeed, in response to that post, certain blogs have taken the opportunity to position themselves as “the nice ones” or “the ones who would never” or “uwu let’s be nice guys” while completely ignoring the fact that a woman of color was attacked for calling out racism. And yes - that was the point of her post. People getting hung up on mentions of her degree are (intentionally or not, it doesn’t matter) completely obfuscating the fact that that is not what her post was about, which was to call out disgusting behavior. idk how many words the post actually was, but essentially, people are focusing on 5% of it to the detriment of the 95% that was actually really important shit. These types of vagueblog posts about the issue fall into exactly what I am talking about - these are people who have decided to look at this issue, see how Alyssa (and anyone else who dares speak up) has approached it, and intentionally try to act like they are “better” because they can be “rational” and “kind”. Newsflash, if you don’t have something to be angry about, then being “nice” about racism isn’t that much of a flex. If it didn’t bother you, then congratulations. That doesn’t make you better than people it did bother. You just got lucky this time, and decided to use that to your advantage to look like the good guy.
I am not saying that all calls for peace are doing this. Obviously it’s what we all want. This is the worst I have seen this fandom in the 4+ years I’ve been here. But we cannot have that by ignoring the real problems and pretending that if we are all just nice to each other, then we will solve racism and sexism and all bullying in the fandom will stop. 
So combining all of this - the gaslighting, the tone policing, and what do you get? You get a fandom that refuses to actually engage critically with its own problems and take accountability for them. You get a fandom that decides that it’s easier to be distracted by this one mean comment over here than it is to engage in the fact that you know what, the culture in this fandom has actually turned incredibly disgusting and a lot of people are just okay with it. You’ve got a fandom that is using the tools of white supremacy to avoid the discussions that should actually be taking place. Maybe people don’t realize that that’s what they are doing. But if someone still thinks that after reading this post, then godspeed my friend, I hope you enjoy Twitter.
Okay so my last thing I want to say is that I didn’t come to all of this knowledge fresh from the womb. I do a lot of work, in my personal life and my professional life, to be better. So here is a list of books that I have found particularly helpful:
How to Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi
Stamped From the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America also by Ibram X. Kendi
White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo (side note, I was kinda meh about this one but the chapter “White Women’s Tears” is particularly helpful)
So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment by Patricia Hill Collins
I’m not going to talk specifically about Alyssa’s post anymore, but if anyone wants to continue talking about these broader issues going on in the fandom, I am game. (I really should be grading papers though, so it might take a bit.)
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pupmkincake2000 · 2 years
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Just Married but HankCon AU 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
In which Connor is a runaway "bride" and Hank is a journalist who got fired because he wrote an article about Connor escaping during the ceremonies.
Hank has a creative block, he can't find a topic for another article, and in a bar he meets a woman (North) who tells him about her ex-fiance with a habit of running away during wedding ceremonies. Moreover, he already had three such shoots.
And there is another wedding comming soon, so she's sure Connor is very likely to run away again. Hank writes a scathing article about Connor, which Connor, of course, learns about. He writes a rebuttal letter to the editor and accuses Hank of using false information, as a result, Hank is fired, but the man is sure that he is right and goes to the city where Connor lives in order to rehabilitate himself and see Connor's next escape with his own eyes. In the meantime, he manages to chat with all of Connor's exes: Chloe, North and Simon.
Connor, despite his escapes, managed to maintain a friendship with them, and they also do not feel offended anymore (because in the end Chloe got together with North, and Simon met Markus), but Hank still draws his own conclusions.
At first, Hank's communication with Connor didn't work out, because Connor tries to take revenge on him, using petty dirty tricks, but in the end, he understands that Hank, in general, is a good person (who, by the way, managed to please everyone in Connor's small town with his charisma and even Connor's parents), so Connor decides to make a deal with Hank: for a fee, Connor agrees to let Hank follow him everywhere and write an article, since an article writthen with the help of Connor himself will be easy to sell for a lot of money.
He also introduces Hank to his current fiancé, Allen. As a result, after spending too much time with each other, at the rehearsal of the ceremony, Hank and Connor dive into a completely unplanned kiss right in front of Allen.
But the wedding must not be cancelled! As a result, Connor goes down the aisle with Hank. 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
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glitter-oracle · 3 years
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home-made meal
summary: after a whole month working under her, bucky meets properly for the first time his feared boss.
pairing: bucky barnes x venezuelan!brown!reader (3rd person)
prompts: cultural blending + cultural food
warnings: curse words.
notes: this is all set on caracas, all dialogues written in english are actually in spanish for the sake of y'all. this is my AU where Bucky is finally free of HYDRA after the fight on the helicarrier and instead of going to romania he goes to venezuela.
this is also my submission for @uncafeavecbarnes and @happygowriting's bipoc!reader challenge :)
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After all the fiasco of his previous job and a nice reference from his neighbor, it was a miracle that Bucky landed a job with a pay infinitely better than his last one. Assistant to the Political Analysis Department's chief at some political studies center in Caracas.
It's kind of funny for Bucky to get hired for a job like that since he wasn't exactly a politics fan. He still wouldn't understand the whole discourse of "right wing or left wing?" back in the States, Venezuela's politics were completely out of the question.
But a job is a job, and for money the monkey dances. So far, the money has been great, the job pretty adaptable for him and the environment overall nice. His boss is a busy lady that hardly speaks or throws him a glance for any reason other than his assistant duties and Bucky prefers it that way at first as he settles in the office.
Today and at this moment is lunch time. The center has a large and nice cafeteria where some co-workers already sit and chat animatedly about whatever topic crosses their minds. Bucky decides to sit by the window alone. Partially for the nice view of the streets and partially because it's still kind of awkward when his co-workers try to strike up a conversation with him and he just answers with "yes" or "no". Apparently, those aren't appropriate answers when trying to make some friends, for whatever reason.
Bucky hums in delight as he puts his home-made meal on the table. He is finally catching up on spicing his food as his neighbor suggested, so he put his best effort on the nice chicken sandwich he's about to dive in. He takes the first bite and smiles sheepishly to himself. He ain't no chef but surely he is proud of his creation after years of eating whatever shit HYDRA decided to feed off the soldier.
On his peripheral vision a movement takes his attention, and he takes another bite as he curiously glances at the fancy looking white suit.
Quickly enough he diverts his gaze, feeling his cheeks heat up a bit. It's his boss, the epitome of girlboss herself and probably the finest dame Bucky has ever seen. If a place like that center of political studies was an aim for the most pretentious and intimidating people in Caracas, that woman was the perfect representation.
Don't get him wrong, she hasn't actually been bad or cocky to him in his whole working month, but her persona exudes such a neat power that it is nearly impossible to not feel nervous around the tan-skinned beauty. She's always dressed to the nines in her finest clothes and jewelry, making the bare minimum interaction with almost everybody in the office. It doesn't ease him up to know she is the chief of the Political Analysis Department, a summa cum laude political scientist with a sharp tongue and endless love for her profession, not to mention Bucky's ultimate fatest crush. To see her in the cafeteria is plain odd given that she normally takes lunch in her own office, but Bucky guesses the blocks of papers in her desk may have something to do with her choice of eating here.
The woman looks entirely out of place as she walks among the tables and some people throw amused glances, her dark hair in a clean bun, her white suit paired with some nude-colored heels and some big ass shades that for a moment Bucky thinks look kind of comical. Her heels clink against the floor until she stays still for a moment, assessing her surroundings till she finally decides to sit in front of Bucky at another table, facing the window like him and farer away from the people.
Bucky subtly stares as she puts her own meal on the table. It is weird to think such a specimen of lady is still human and not some kind of goddess.
Seeing her like that, so reclusive and eating alone makes him think of all the interactions non-work related he has seen of her with anybody at the center. There aren't almost none, Bucky realizes. She's always one of the firsts ones to arrive at the office and the last to part, her raspy and cinnamon-coated voice rarely resounding for anyone other than the Head of the Center, and himself. Co-workers live to throw from time to time some snarky comments about her attitude, but Bucky suspects those comments are biased.
For example, she once had an altercation with Gabriela from the Investigation's Department. The young secretary mistakenly switched up some important papers that needed to be delivered and his boss had to pick up her broken plates. The entire office remained completely silent as the dark-haired woman reprimanded Gabriela for her mistake. She wasn't rude at all, neither did she yell, and Bucky was pretty sure Gabriela deserved the tell-tale. Still, the snickering about her "bitchiness" couldn't not be stopped. So, yeah, Barnes could totally get why the woman wasn't so fond of public appearances among his co-workers.
"Is something wrong with my food, Bucky?" he heard her voice and his greyish-blue eyes snapped up to hers, now realizing she had taken off her sunglasses and raises an eyebrow. Bucky blushes, realizing he had his stare absentmindedly on her lunch. A nice-looking arepa.
"I'm sorry ma'am, I spaced out", the ex-assassin replies with some meekness laced in his deep voice. He clutches his sandwich in his gloved hands and takes another bite. Bucky can feel his stomach doing a flip just from this interaction, but he isn't really in the mood to not try to humour his gorgeous boss in her free time. Fuck his shyness. "That is an arepa, isn't it?", he plays dumb as he tries to ignore his beating chest. He's been in Caracas for some months now to know what an arepa looks like, but the staff knows he's a foreigner, so he can win some chats over those things.
What is he doing? He doesn't know, but hell if he isn't gonna give years of learning languages a practice. Bucky suddenly doesn't feel so shy, and he guesses the woman can see that as she takes a moment to ponder.
"It is", she takes a look at her lunch before turning again to him, "It has some caraotas, a bit of cheese, some avocado. Have you tried it yet?"
"Not really. I've tried some tequeños and empanadas, but mostly because I buy them. Arepas are more the home-made type, no?"
To his delight, she throws him a pleased grin and her eyes seem to sparkle. Probably the first one she has aimed at him. Bucky is sure his face is red as a tomato, so he tries to cover himself with the remnants of his sandwich. There isn't much left, so he does an attempt to strategically put his gloved hand in front of his face, blocking her vision for a moment.
"They are. But that's because they are the easiest to make of them all. You can fill them with whatever you want", she explains, and then takes a bite. Her own hand covers for a moment her mouth as she eats, but quickly she returns to their chat once she swallows, "Have you tried caraotas?" Bucky shakes his head, and her boss widens her eyes comically. "You really don't know what life is about", she jokes, and it's then when she settles her arepa on her plate before turning to Bucky, asking him if she can join him at his table.
So that's how he ended up lost in those deep rich brown eyes, her animatedly explaining to him how the god-sent arepas are made. Her favorites are obviously the ones with caraotas, but she explains she also likes to sometimes put some fish and a thing called chicharrón. Bucky nods completely absorbed by her explanation. Is this really the same woman that has his co-workers shitting in fear?
"There's one thing that is absolutely imperative you have to know", she deadpans suddenly, and the brunette stays still as if he was being conceded some secret of state. Her eyes bore into his with all the seriousness she could muster, "The Colombians say the arepas are theirs. That is utter bullshit"
"Utter bullshit. Noted" Bucky nods compliantly, and she breaks her whole facade with a soft laugh, taking some attention of some people still mingling in the cafeteria. He has to fight to not let out a loud sigh, and slowly another sheepish smile takes his lips.
"I'm telling you this because Ferrara is colombian, so it's a matter of time before he goes asking you about them", she chuckles as she speaks about the Center's President.
Bucky doesn't have the heart to tell her that she's probably the highest rank person he would ever talk to.
It doesn't matter at all when she's talking so freely and asking him about his experience in Caracas so far, even venturing far as explaining him another venezuelan dish called hallaca; at least that is what they were talking about until they both finish their meals and she takes a look at her phone, realizing it's already past lunch time. Almost twenty minutes late, and the rest of the co-workers long gone on their duties, only the both of them still in the cafeteria.
Her eyes widen and then she mutters how late it is. She avoids his gaze for a moment, and Bucky has the impression she is slightly flustered. He can't help but follow the way her tongue darts a bit on her bottom lip. "I'm sorry, I got caught up rambling. I hope you didn't mind the whole food course", the tanned goddess musters and Bucky has to bite his tongue at her shy tone.
Oh, how the tables have turned.
"Not at all. If anything, now you gave me more reasons to venture in the kitchen. It really is an upgrade to go from boiling everything I eat to eat some nice hallacas", he tucks his tupper on his lunch box. She gives him a confused look and Bucky awkwardly smiles before dropping it. He sure is dumb as fuck.
"Well Bucky, it's been a pleasure to have this time with you, but now I'm going back to my office to get the papers done", she does the same, and then puts her big shades on top of her head. The blue-eyed thinks that's it, but then she takes a deep breath. "Would you like to do this again tomorrow?"
He raises his eyebrows, but he has no hesitation answering. "Of course, miss"
She corrects him giving her name. "Please, around lunch time or free time just call me that. Believe it or not, you are not the only one that has a hard time making friends"
Maybe her statement can be confused by some rude comment, but it doesn't feel made with malice at all. If anything, it feels like she's relieved to find some common ground with her assistant.
"Yeah, i'm glad you noticed. I thought our conversations about hazard analysis were pretty deep, though"
She laughs, loudly, and he feels he's going to melt. God bless political scientists jokes.
It's then when it clicks to Bucky. She is just as shy and awkward as him, and her looks and rank and knowledge doesn't exactly make her seem very approachable. Hell, even Bucky was scared to be on her boss' line of vision whenever she curtly gave him a task. It was all a matter of actually having the interest to look beyond.
It's hard now to think there's a whole staff just talking shit about this sweet being.
Bucky returns happily to work after their time together. The fancy-looking lady gives him more tasks, but he can't miss the way her subtle smile makes a way on her face as she speaks to him. He feels his heart beating wildly.
Sun sets and finally getting off work, Bucky decides to make a stop at the nearest market to his house to buy some arepa's flour. Needless to say, he doesn't fill them with caraotas or avocado, but he still thinks of her as he prepares them in his hands, ready to bring her one tomorrow.
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prettyvampiress96 · 3 years
Text
The Malfoy Secret
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Chapter 1
Sat in her defence against the dark arts class, Anastasia sat at her desk with her head down, her long black hair falling from its place over her shoulder and her feather quill elegantly scrolling notes across the parchment in front of her under the watchful eyes of Professor Lupin. Anastasia was in her seventh and final year at Hogwarts so studying for the N.E.W.T.S were strictly underway. As Head Girl , Anna's free time was extremely limited even the she spent it mentoring some of the younger members of her house. Professor Lupin was currently recapping over a subject they had covered at the beginning of the year when a knock echoed throughout the large room.
" Forgive me for interrupting your lesson Remus but might I borrow Miss Rosier . There's a situation that requires her immediate assistance" Professor McGonagall asked her eyes locking directly to Anastasia's. When Remus nods his head granting Anastasia permission to leave the class. "Miss Rosier you'll want to collect your things class will no doubt have long finished by the time you'll return" McGonagall spoke up once again. Anastasia nodded slightly confused and with a flick of her wand , her belongings were packed and in her possession. " Professor McGonagall ma'am with all due respect may I know what the situation is that requires me to be pulled from my class" Anna questioned the head of Gryffindor house. " It would appear Miss Rosier that a child of whom you are mentoring and as of whom you are known to be close too has been injured by a hippogriff, the extent of the injury I myself am unaware now if you could Madame Pomfrey shall be waiting for you in the infirmary wing. I have to alert Draco's parents" The transfiguration teacher informed . As Anna heard Draco's name she immediately began sprinting to the infirmary wing , the blonde haired boy was indeed close to her . Anastasia burst through the infirmary doors catching sight of Draco in the bed surrounded by other Slytherin's. The Slytherins and the Slytherin head girl stood at Draco's bedside whilst his arm was mended. Anastasia knew this was a lucky escape for Draco , she had no doubt that the Gryffindor trio were in some way involved. They always were. Draco had to stay for observation for a few hours so his friends dispersed to lunch, Anna stayed getting the run down from Draco on what had happened. Anastasia had stood with her back to the large infirmary doors so the pair had yet to notice the set of parents in the doorway observing. " Draco what do I tell you time and time again , if you want to go at war with the Gryffindor's then be smart about it . A snake lies low before it strikes and therefore its prey is unaware and then dead. Take myself for example do you see me all out duelling in the courtyard? no you don't . Even after that Weasley insulted my family I planned ahead and I struck him when he least expected it and I've yet to see Percy on my rounds since. The moral is be smart Draco and don't lose us anymore points or you may find yourself duelling me little Malfoy" Anna joked patting Draco's good shoulder both of them laughing together until the pair heard chuckling behind them. Anastasia eyed the two adults lurking in the doorway , she didnt have to ask who they were to know that these were Draco's parents. After all her family had mentioned the Malfoy family countless of times, although she hadn't expected them to look so breath-taking. The woman hurried at great speed to Draco's bedside Lucius standing right beside her. " Draco my poor baby don't you worry that animal and that sad excuse of a teacher wont be on the grounds once your father is finished with them. Nothing hurts our baby" Narcissa cooed failing to notice the blush spreading across Draco's face. Anastasia giggled at Draco's embarrassment. " Sorry to interrupt Draco but now youre family are here I see you're in good hands so I shall leave you be, but take this" handing Draco a book for transfigurations " I know its not your strongest topic but itll do for now considering your not in class and I'll help with your homework after alright. We need to keep those grades up after all" she offered. Anastasia managed to move two steps before a figure blocked her way. Looking up she found herself looking into the ice blue eyes of Lucius Malfoy himself. " Do forgive me but who exactly are you we know Draco's friends and your face isnt one we are likely to forget is it darling?" The tall blonde questioned his wife. She moved to his side humming in thought. " No Darling I do believe we havent met her I am sure of it" Narcissa assured her husband both of their eyes coming to glance at Anna. " My name is Anastasia Esmeralda Rosier and I am Slytherin Head Girl and Draco's mentor
courtesy of Professor Snape sir " Anastasia spoke clear not allowing the pair to see how intimidated they made her. When Anastasia glanced back towards Draco , he simply shrugged during their interaction. The pair both missed the looks that the elder Malfoys shared with one another.
Draco was released from the infirmary wing in time for dinner that evening and as promised Anna assisted him in anything he didnt quite understand while at the same time revising over all of her N.E.W.T.S that she was set to take in a mere few days. Just over a week later N.E.W.T.S had finished and all students were packing up the dorms ready to spend summer break at home. Many of those students already excited for the next year. Draco Malfoy was one specific student who indeed was not looking forward to returning knowing that Anastasia would now not be returning. Her final year now complete. Anastasia was a nervous wreck now that the time had finally come , the fact that she wouldn't be a student at Hogwarts next year really had begun to sink in . There were plenty of careers she had in her mind . She had already been accepted to work within the Ministry of Magic.. Working was something that also had young Anastasia scared. She would be lying if she said that she wasn't worried, after all her last name is the name of her father therefore would others think she was destined for the same fate despite never stepping a foot out of line. As Anna settled herself into the comfort of her train compartment , she curled up on the plush fabric of the seat and leaned her head against the window , closing her eyes she was thankful for the chance of an empty carriage it happened on rare occasions. Moments later that silence was disturbed by a white headed third year. Ana had half expected Draco's cavalry to file in right behind him but it was just him. The pair just looked out the window unsure of what to say to each other. The train began to slow to a stop signalling they were at kings cross this was it . This was their goodbye. People from all houses began filing out onto the platform 9 and 3/4 .
The white mane of the elusive Lucius Malfoy could be spotted miles away. Anastasia's Aunt had come to meet her despite her not feeling herself. This was her younger brothers only child and the child she raised and treated as her own. Merlin himself wouldn't stop her from missing this. With her luggage in tow Ana had spotted her aunt Amalthea Rosier or aunt Thea as Anna called her and headed directly for her . Anna embraced her Aunt in a large hug. "Auntie you didnt have to meet me here , you should be at home resting, I could have apparated home, but thank you " Anna thanked her aunt tearfully appreciating the effort she had gone through to be there. Thea didn't have a chance to respond as a pair of arms enclosed around her nieces waist, holding her from behind. Anna looked down and turned to see who the culprit was . Staring into the greyish blue eyes of Draco. "I'll miss you Annie. Promise me you'll visit me before I go back to school and we have to stay in touch that's not negotiable I'm afraid and I'm a Malfoy I get what I want" Draco smirked at Anna. " Oh Draco I don't know I was looking forward to no more potter drama or Draco theatrics" she joked back smiling at the boy . Draco looked a tad offended. "Of course I'll keep in touch but let's at least get home first " she laughed , patting Draco on his shoulder . Bowing her head to Draco's parents in a sign of respect. Both families apparated to their respected homes.
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starlightrows · 3 years
Text
Something Sweet
Chapter 2 - Scoops and Scones
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Series Masterlist
Pairing: Modern!Paz Vizsla x fem!reader
Word Count: 2.8k
Warnings: None!
Summary: You are welcomed with open arms into the group Paz told you about, and feelings start to bloom as the spring turns to summer!
On Tuesday you make sure to wear something kind of cute that you can wear to meet everyone after work. You want to make a good first impression, but also not be overdressed. You’re excited and a little nervous all day, the steady stream of customers keeps you busy. Springtime is a great time of year for business because lots of people have birthdays and anniversaries, lots of weddings too!
Just after 7 pm the door to the shop opens, and the bell above the door chimes. Paz steps in and marvels at how you have the shop decorated.
“Did you do all of this yourself?” he asks
“Yeah!” you reply, delighted in his interest “I love a good project, and I’ve been planning how I wanted this to look my whole life”
“Well it looks incredible, you did a great job!” he says
You blush a little and smile “Thank you”
You finish closing out the register for the day, make sure all of the lights in the back room are turned out and the heating is turned down before stepping out with Paz and locking up. He walks beside you, leading you a ways down the street towards the bar his friend Boba owns. Paz pushes open the door for you, and you see a group of people laughing and chatting sitting at a big round table.
Everyone looks up from the conversation and enthusiastically welcomes you and Paz in. They all stand up coming to introduce themselves and shake your hand. Of course you’ve already met Din. Boba owns the bar and hosts these Tuesday night hang outs, he’s a slightly older man with a bald head and a firm handshake but he’s quite welcoming. His business partner Fennec, a pretty woman with sharp features and a kind smile. Cara, who owns the boxing studio on the opposite side of the street. And Peli, a short firecracker of a woman with curly brown hair, owns the auto parts and maintenance shop around the corner.
They already have a place set for you at their table and start filling you in on all of the goings on in this city and their little group. Boba gets you a beer, and insists friends don’t pay. They tell you about the locals who come around to their various businesses, events happening at the clubs and bars a little further into the downtown area, they recommend restaurants you have to try, and ask you all kinds of questions. Where you’re from? What brought you out here? How did you get into botanicals? You answer their questions, laugh with them, talk with them and have a great time.
Then the conversation takes a bit of a turn… “That guy came back?” Cara says with an annoyed tone. The group groans, and hums with disapproval.
“What guy?” you ask, not wanting to pry if it’s a sensitive topic but she also said it in front of everyone so you figured it would be a fair question.
“Gideon” Cara spits
“He’s a high and mighty investor with a silver spoon in his ass that’s been bothering everyone that works on this street and next couple blocks,” Fennec explained “He’s trying to convince everyone that lives and works around here that we should sell out our businesses to him,”
“Why?” you ask indignantly
“He’s got this idea of turning the whole downtown area into a high end shopping and restaurant district,” Paz says “Which would be fine if this was a really big city with people that could afford to go to places like that every weekend. But this isn’t that type of city, and not the right kind of community for that,”
“Hmm” you sip your beer “sounds to me like he wants to change the city itself. Push out the locals and turn this into a major city” you say
“That’s exactly what he wants” Boba comments “that and to make tons of money”
“But he hasn’t been able to convince a single business owner around here to budge” Peli tells you “All of us are here because we want to be here. We worked hard to get to where we are and maintain our businesses. We’re not about to sell out to a sleaze like him”
“He wasn’t happy when the people I inherited by storefront from sold to me instead of him” Paz admits “and he’s probably pissed you got yours on the open market before him”
“So that means he’ll probably come around at some point and try to talk me into selling” you conclude
“Probably” Paz says darkly. He doesn’t like the idea of Gideon hanging around your shop… talking to you… trying to intimidate or manipulate you into selling out your shop to him.
“Don’t worry you guys” you assure the group “I worked too long, and too hard to hand over my dream to an asshole like that”
“Atta girl!” Cara claps your back and the group gives you a cheer of approval.
The conversation turns back to casual chatter. The group splits up so some people can play a couple rounds of pool and others can still sit and chat. You have an amazing time, it’s been so long since you actually got to hang out and have fun. You could see yourself coming to these group hang outs every week and becoming close with everyone in the group.
Eventually the night does come to an end. Din has to get home to his son and his girlfriend. Paz needs to get home and go to bed so he can be up early to get the bread in the ovens in time so they’ll be ready for customers in the morning. And you need to be getting home as well, there’s a big delivery arriving tomorrow morning and you need to be at the shop earlier than usual to receive.
You bid everyone goodnight and promise them that you’ll be back next week to hang out again. Paz walks with you out to your car.
“Thanks for inviting me out tonight” you say
“Told you, you’d fit right in!” he grins
“Mind if I come by tomorrow morning for one of those amazing breakfast sandwiches?” you ask him, as you reach your car “I’ll bring you a cup of coffee”
“It’s a deal!” he says smiling at you
There is something in the air… you don’t want to leave… he’s so kind and so attractive… but no, you steal yourself and get into your car. Pulling out of the parking lot with a gentle wave. Paz felt it too… damn he wanted to kiss you. But he literally just met you a few days ago… no matter… he’d see you in the morning.
———
The next few weeks go by, spring turns into summer. You continue hanging out with the group on Tuesday nights, they teach you to play some card games you’ve never heard of and you try fun and interesting cocktails Fennec invents. No matter what you always land up laughing and having a wonderful time. Paz has been teaching you to shoot pool, and walks with you every week to join the group. Your little crush on him is growing, and people are starting to notice.
“You like him,” Cara points out. You’re sitting at the table with all of the girls playing cards while the guys are shooting pool.
“Who?” You try to sound nonchalant
“Paz” Fennec chimes in
“He’s my friend!” You try to defend yourself
“Yeah,” Peli says “but you like him”
“Okay…. so maybe I’m attracted to him, so what? He’s my friend and he brought me into the group, I don’t wanna mess that up” you explain
“He likes you too” Cara says, placing down her cards and effectively winning the round. Everyone around the table groans and slides over game chips to Cara.
Over at the pool table the guys are having a somewhat similar conversation.
“Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, pal” Din says while lining up his shot.
“What?” Paz looks over to Boba thinking their friend was actually sick. Boba is eyeing him with a quirked brow and a smirk.
“Lovesick” Boba shakes his head while Din takes his shot “incurable and terminal… damn shame”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Paz moves around the table to get a better view of the ball placements
“You” Din says with a laugh “swooning over Miss Flowers over there”
Paz gets distracted and completely misses his shot. His head whips around to look at you. Giggling and talking with the others. He looks back to his friends, and shakes his head.
Paz stands back up and rubs the back on his neck, Din’s not wrong, he’s got it bad for you. “You think she’d go for a guy like me?” Paz asked them
Boba and Din rolled their eyes, “You’ve lost your touch Vizsla” Din says “she hangs on your every word. Yes she would go for you”
Still at the end of the night Paz walks you to your car, just like always, and says goodnight without asking you to hang out one on one.
Another week or two passes just the same as always. Hanging out on Tuesday’s, stopping into the bakery to pick up some bread every now and then, seeing each other in passing with a smile and wave.
One Tuesday evening Paz is hanging out in your shop while you close, like usual when both of your phones ting with the sound of a text message. It’s Boba saying he had to close the bar for the night and he wouldn’t be able to host the group tonight. Apparently it’s not an emergency or anything, he just had to leave town to go “take care of something”
“Well that’s ominous” you joke
“Boba’s an odd guy” Paz laughs “he’s got a history, but he changes the story every time you ask him”
You shake your head and laugh, agreeing that Boba quite the character. “Well… I haven’t had a free Tuesday night in months” you joke
“Well since I know you’re free right now” Paz says, working up a bit of courage “wanna go get ice cream or something?”
“Oooh yes!” You say excitedly “Have you been to that place that makes the fancy rolled ice creams down on 10th?”
God he’s so relieved you said yes…. “Yeah, it’s really good”
The two of you chat and laugh as you walk from your storefront down a couple blocks to reach the ice cream place. You both order fun and pretty rolled ice creams and sit at one of the outdoor tables, enjoying the warm evening and each other’s company.
“See now that I’ve got everything up and running, I really want to start trying to make pastries to sell at the shop” he tells you
“Have you tried anything yet?” You ask
“Well I tried making chocolate croissants from scratch but apparently they are ridiculously hard to get right” he laughs “so I’m looking for simpler things to start with”
You laugh with him, and agree chocolate croissants are deceptively difficult to make correctly. “What about scones?” You ask
“Scone? Like those British cookies?” He asks
“Well sort of, they’re more like blank canvas bread” you explain “because the base is so simple and basic you can jazz them up anyway you want. Sweet, savory, fruity, chocolate… I even like doing meat and cheese scones”
“That’s actually not a bad idea” Paz says thoughtfully “You got any good recipes I can steal to work off of?”
“I do actually. Old family secret” you say mischievously “but lucky for you, the old family is not here to curse me for leaking the secret” He laughs and shakes his head.
“I could teach you sometime” you offer, having a moment of bravery “I mean, they’re not difficult to make or anything, but I… uh… I thought it could be fun”
“No no” he says quickly “that would be great if you could teach me. Are you free this weekend?”
Your cheeks heat up a bit and you smile “Yeah, I’m free this weekend”
“Come over on Saturday evening?” He asks “I’ll cook you dinner as a thank you?”
“Yeah, that'd be great”
———
Saturday can’t come soon enough… you flip back and forth in your head between this being a “real date” or not… you thought about texting the girls but decided against it.
On Saturday you wear something cute but comfortable, something you don’t mind getting dirty from baking but presentable in case this actually is a date. You pick up a nice bottle of wine on the way over to his apartment.
At the door he greets you with a hug and thanks you for the wine, welcoming you inside. His apartment is nice, well decorated and clean. Better most men’s apartments you’ve seen in your day. It looks like he’s got his shit together.
“Dinner is almost done,” he says. You look around to see that he doesn’t exactly have a dining table, the space isn’t quite set up for it. But he does have a peninsula that functions as a dining table. It’s already laid out with plates and cutlery, with a small sweet smelling candle in the middle.
“A baker and a chef” you laugh as both of you start in on the beautiful chicken parmesan he made.
“I wasn’t always” he says with bit of a bashful smile “Just a few years ago I was exclusively a boxed Mac n cheese and canned peas for dinner kinda guy”
“That’s a pretty drastic change, what prompted that?” you ask, enjoying your dinner just as much as the conversation.
“Moving out here actually,” he says “I used to live back east in the big city… had a shoe box of an apartment with no real kitchen and a dead end job… not a lot of motivation to cook. Coming out here, changed my life for the better”
You sip your wine and listen, as he describes what it was like living in the city and commuting for six hours every day, and his life changing trip out here to visit Din.
“It was actually my dream to move here when I was a kid” you tell him “I’m from a tiny little town way up north, and everyone used to talk about this place like it was the big city ya know”
“So what prompted your big move here?” He asks
“Well I’ve been saving up to open my shop for years, and working really hard to make this dream come true… but I woke up one morning and felt it in my bones that I needed to search the property website again…. and I am so glad I listened to my gut because I got my storefront pretty much the minute it got posted”
“Man.. luck was really on your side that day huh?” He finished his plate, and sips his wine
“Oh yeah, count my lucky stars every day!”
Paz wipes his mouth on his napkin, seeing you’re just about finished eating as well, and begins clearing the table. You help him wash up, despite his protests.
“Come on chef, if we’re gonna make scones we have to have a clean work station right?”
He agrees and the two of you get the workspace all cleaned up, just to mess it all up again with flour and butter and toppings!
They don’t actually take that long to bake, but you’re both a little flour dusted while you teach him to make a simple glaze for the citrus orange flavored batch.
When the scones come out of the oven the sweet batches get glazed or sugared, and the savory batches just need to cool. You ask to use his restroom to freshen up a bit so you wouldn’t get flour or butter on his nice couch, while you wait for the scones to cool to do a taste test.
To your delight, his bathroom is clean. And not just… cleaned up like there’s no clutter on the counter. Actual hand soap that’s appears to be regularly used, a liner in the trash can, more than just a five in one shampoo/body wash in the shower, and the mirror is clean! Either Paz deep cleaned in anticipation for your… not exactly a date?.... or he has his shit together… or, more likely both!
You spend the rest of the evening laughing, talking, sampling the scones, writing down flavor ideas together, and yeah definitely flirting. Somehow you get on the topic of music.
“Oh yeah, the city does free concerts in the park on Friday nights” he tells you “you bring a fold up chair and some snacks, and get to listen to free live music!”
“That sounds so fun! This city really knows how to do community events!” You put down your pen, having just finished writing down an idea.
“It’s amazing, you would love it” he says “would you want to go? With me?”
Your heart skips a beat “Yeah” you say softly with a smile “Yeah, that sounds like fun”
Featured Recipe: Simple Scones
Tag List: @gallowsjoker @simping-for-clones @mxndoscyarika @hayley-the-comet @blackmarketmummy
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1ddotdhq · 4 years
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🙇🏼‍♀️Fri 6 Nov ‘20 🛹
Yesterday was the most absurd night I’ve seen on tumblr in the last five years. Just wanted to throw that out there. Between gay Supernatural news, Nevada going to bed again, and Putin possibly stepping down, we also got discourse™️ about Zayn and Gigi. Two women on twitter stepped forward and have claimed to have been sleeping with Zayn when he was with Gigi. The first woman says that when they were together in 2016 Zayn told her that Gigi was PR, and not an actual relationship, and that she called it off when she found Gigi's medication at Zayn's place. The second woman said that she saw Z from 2016 until February 2020 (and that yes, Gigi was pregnant at that time). She says she got him the custom Dusk ‘til Dawn skateboard that he later gave away in a fan event, and posted at the time about angrily entering the contest to try to get her unappreciated gift back. In another angry tweet (these women were spilling for a reason, they're mad as hell), she said the biggest lesson she’s learned this year is, “never let a boy with a girlfriend convince you into dyeing your hair because you’ll end up with damaged hair and he’ll still have a girlfriend”. Here’s hoping that she goes into 2021 without damaged hair and with someone that wouldn’t give away the gifts she gave them - everyone deserves that! The pair are mostly fighting with each other so more details for us popcorn munching bystanders are thin on the ground; for example neither gives a clue as to whether Gigi supposedly knew about them. Fan reaction is split between not believing the women, insulting the women, insulting Zayn, and insulting each other. I want to say it’s not my place to judge any of them, but I think that at this point I’m just screaming into a void, so I’ll say this: if you’re going to be cruel (especially if you're sexist/racist) about any of them in my notes, you’re going to be blocked.
Niall went live today with a special announcement: Ashe will be joining him LIVE on tomorrow’s show! That’s right: they flew her out to London two and a half weeks ago, had her quarantine, and will now have her perform exactly ONE SONG with Niall: Moral of the Story. Don’t get me wrong, I’m SUPER excited to see her, but uh...I have questions. Has she only flown in and quarantined for one song? Or will Niall do what Liam has been and use her as an opener, allowing her to play her set? I guess we’ll see tomorrow! The Independent reported that 90,000 tickets have already been sold for the concert, which is $1.8 million dollars towards paying Niall’s crew and the WeNeedCrew fund, which is amazing and will go a long way! We also got some instagram stories of him rehearsing, and he sounds great! I am getting more and more excited for this show as time goes on. Some set mock-up pictures of DWD were released, as well as some on site pictures of Jack and Alice’s house: it’s the Kaufmann house, which was made famous by Slim Aaron for his “poolside gossip” picture. It was put back on the market last month for $25 million, though I’m sure the price will only go up after this film premieres. 
Liam, who spoke in the interview that just came out yesterday about the futility of responding to the press and how it just stirs up more press about the same thing, responded to an article about him. The Sun drew on that same interview to report that Cheryl had told him to temporarily “take a break” from his son and insinuated that it was because of partying and addiction struggles, in a call back to their recent article about Liam's drinking (like literally calling back; they linked themselves as their source). Liam took to Instagram to say that the Sun had completely taken his remarks out of context, the context being that he said them in May, and that the thing that had separated him from his son was, “the worldwide pandemic, not because I had anything wrong with me”. He says he was “discussing not being able to see my child which is difficult for any parent. I wish sometimes these people would do the research and give the context instead of painting people a certain way for click bait”. I have no opinion (no thots empty head) other than that Liam was 100% right about one thing: there are now six more articles on this topic which would not have been written had he not said anything. 
And last night's memeing dredged up a lot of trips down tumblr memory lane, a regular retrospective of the last five years, and brought the uncomfortable emergence of a lot of locals posting about babygate ("haha next we'll find out that guy from 1D really wasn't the dad!" ha...ha...uhhh.) A good reminder of how many people are uninvested but still very much aware of the babygate rumors and of how major any kind of announcement or revelation would be, the absolute impossibility of just "ending it while no one is looking!" And in totally unrelated (and unwanted) news, Briana and Nick unshuttered their instagrams. "I'm back!" posts Briana. Ugh, read the room people: you are an unasked for cactus. That being said, please let's all take a deep breath and drink some water and get some sleep. It’s what I’ll be doing all weekend!
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saltpepperbeard · 4 years
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So not going to lie, I’m still quite unsettled with the events that happened a few nights back. Now, I completely understand that people don’t wish to see any degree of fighting/debating as the world is already chaotic enough, and Tumblr is often used as a place of escape/relaxation.
But please understand in turn that sweeping away an issue that intersects with my identity is also exhausting. I’m just a bit unsettled that my voice was silenced when I was merely attempting a calm, collected conversation. I’m unsettled that LGBT individuals were, to my knowledge, the only ones blocked (especially in light of avoiding homophobic/biphobic claims). And frankly, I’m unsettled that any of this was an issue to begin with.
I wasn’t done talking, nor done explaining the issue at hand. The discussion wasn’t over. And I was cast aside as a “pot-stirrer/drama starter” for attempting to talk through an issue very near to me. It’s just a bit disheartening to be labeled and treated as such, and to watch the more aggressive/insistent individuals carry on like nothing ever happened. Is this not an issue?
In case anyone needs further context-
I was defending an author and her respective headcanons from being attacked, as were a few others. Anons were insistent on tearing it and her down, even though she’s well within her right to interpret the text/characters however she wants. Said anons began to stir up things on another blog, and subsequent harmful words were brought to my attention. In an attempt to talk things through, defend the author, and perhaps right some wrongs, I engaged in discussion.
Yes, it was a post on someone’s blog. Yes, people are well within their right to post their opinions on their own blogs. But also, this is an interactable, public space. I don’t believe publicly posting something makes it exempt from comments/discussion. Especially, when it’s wrongfully calling out someone I respect.
I completely understand that don’t like/don’t interact can also apply to blogs. For example, I see many posts/headcanons I disagree with, but choose to carry on and ignore them, simply leaving people to their individual spaces. But once again, with someone being clearly misconstrued before me, it was something I couldn’t quite ignore.
I wasn’t trying to “start drama,” nor was I trying to be any sort of aggressor. I was simply attempting to talk things through- particularly if there were any sort of misunderstandings. Because, from my eyes, it seemed like there were plenty. It seemed like so much was getting lost in translation, ie-
The Misunderstanding: If you don’t believe Peeta Mellark is canonically bisexual, you’re biphobic/homophobic.
The Actual Argument: If you don’t accept others headcanoning Peeta Mellark as bisexual or any other sexuality, you may want to examine your own biases/viewpoints.
The Misunderstanding: You cannot headcanon/believe Peeta Mellark to be straight/heterosexual.
The Actual Argument: You can headcanon Peeta to be literally anything you want, as long as you respect others who share differing opinions.
And, even from our side, I thought there could have been a potential misunderstanding. Ie-
The Potential Misunderstanding: Peeta Mellark cannot be anything other than straight.
The Potential Argument: I believe Peeta Mellark to be straight for xyz reasons in the text, but accept the headcanons/the views of those who think differently.
However, when I tried to bring up the latter point, which was admitting my OWN fault/misunderstanding in the discussion, I was blocked. I simply asked if the blog in question accepted others having the varying headcanons, and I was blocked.
This already didn’t sit well with me, as it seemed to be silencing LGBT discussion. Which, for someone attempting to avoid the harsher “homophobic/biphobic” labels, such an action appeared quite contradictory. This later intensified when I learned another LGBT aligned user was also blocked. To my knowledge, no one else who later engaged in the discussion was blocked. And many users were making similar comments/engaging in similar levels of debate.
That was one issue, but the other issue that I find bothersome the “writing-off” attitude this is receiving. Again, again, I completely and wholeheartedly understand people wanting to avoid debate-aligned topics. I know we’re all hurting from 2020, and I know times are hard right now. But if people are hurting and feeling uncomfortable from an unresolved issue, why is it okay to simply treat it as “haha petty fandom fighting?” 
I know I’m dredging this along when it has already died out in a lot of people’s eyes. I get it. But from someone who was repeatedly told that I couldn’t possibly be gay because I’d never dated/slept with a woman, and was consequently forced into a deeper place of self-questioning/loathing, please understand that such a hanging topic makes me agitated. I don’t wish to be silent. I simply wish to respectfully talk/debate wherever necessary.
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