#but she was so busy worrying I’m depressed and not doing anything

[redrose10]

Here is #6 from the photo game!

Warnings: Swearing, hints of cheating, anxiety, depression

A relaxing weekend spent at a cabin with your boyfriend sounded like an amazing idea at the time. No distractions, no work, just you and Yoongi spending a few days together. The fall time was the busiest time of the year thanks to the leaves changing and the brisk air making cuddling by the fireplace more desirable. To make sure you got the reservation and to get the best deal you booked the cabin six months in advance.

Then life happened and you and Yoongi got in an argument. It wasn’t anything new. You two had been together for four years and had arguments every now and then like any couple. You could tell something was different this time though. He seemed angrier, less willing to communicate and more closed off. You walked into the bedroom to give each other some space expecting to work things out later. Ten minutes went by and Yoongi walked in with red eyes and his cheeks soaked with tears.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I can’t do this any more.”, he whispered before shoving some of his clothes in a bag and running out the door. That was two months ago and you haven’t spoken since.

“Y/N you should go on the trip. Take a relaxing weekend for yourself. You deserve it.”, your best friend said over dinner.

The romantic trip you had planned with Yoongi was coming up. After all that happened you had forgotten to cancel it before the required date and now it was too late. The trip was non-refundable at this point. You thought about just loosing out but it was a lot of money.

“I don’t know. I wish you were available to go with me. Isn’t it kind of weird to go alone? Yoongi also helped pay so I don’t really think it’s fair for only me to go and even worse what if he shows up?”, you questioned.

“Y/N first off you paid for half the trip too so it’s just as much yours as it is his. Secondly I really doubt he even remembers it’s coming up. He looks pretty busy right now anyways.”

You followed her line of sight until your stomach dropped at what you saw. While you were barely able to function the last couple months Yoongi appeared to happily be on a date with another woman across the restaurant like he had moved on with no issue.

“How could he move on from me so fast?”, you asked rhetorically.

Your friend shrugged, “Maybe he’s known her for a while. He could’ve been cheating on you for all we know.”

“No he wouldn’t have done that to me. He wouldn’t have cheated.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”, she said pointing over in Yoongi’s direction. The woman he was with had turned around to grab her bag and you gasped, “Nari?”

You bit your lip trying not to cry. Nari was a producer that worked for the same company as Yoongi. She made you feel really insecure from the moment you met her. She was beautiful and smart and funny and worked as a producer just like Yoongi so they had a lot in common. You were suspicious from the first time you met her. It definitely crossed your mind a few times that maybe he liked her more than he lead on. He assured you over and over that she was nothing more than a coworker though and that you had absolutely nothing to worry about. You believed him. And now here he was staring into her eyes just two short months after breaking your heart into a million pieces. You started to wonder if maybe he really had been cheating on you that whole time. Your sadness and hurt began to change to anger the more you pondered that.

Suddenly you stood up grabbing your things. “Where are you going?”, your friend questioned confused.

“Home. I’ve got a trip to pack for.”, you gritted through your teeth.

The drive up the mountain to your cabin was a little scarier than you expected. You took your bag out of the back seat and entered in the code that the rental company had given you to gain access to the front door.

The cabin was adorable and you were really happy with your choice. It was tiny but enough for two people and more than enough for just one. The bedroom and the bathroom were at the back of the cabin and after your long stressful drive you wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower and lay in bed and relax for a while before dinner.

You were drying your hair after your shower when you heard the front door open and shut followed by some jingling keys. Immediately you went into panic mode. You were alone in a cabin in the middle of the mountains. You couldn’t run anywhere and no one would hear you scream. You grabbed the fire poker from the bedroom fire place to use as a weapon and then slowly tiptoed down the hall ready to fight whomever was entering the cabin.

“What are you doing here?”, a deep familiar voice asked before you could speak. “Me?! What are you doing here?”, you spat back at Yoongi who was glaring at you.

For a brief moment you were a little relieved to see him and not a serial killer ready to claim their next victim but that relief was quickly replaced with anger.

“Seriously Yoongi, why are you here?”

Suddenly it hit you, what if he was here with Nari? Like what if he brought her here to enjoy the romantic couples trip you had planned for the two of you. You felt sick at the thought.

“I paid for half of this trip too. I need some time alone so I can work and get some stuff done.”

“What too many “distractions” at home?”, you rolled your eyes immediately thinking about him and another woman.

“Yeah actually there are. Not that it’s any of your business.”, he clapped back.

That hurt and your angry confidence faltered. Your lip began to quiver. You knew you needed to get away from him before he could see you cry.

“Fine. Do what you want. I’ll be in the bedroom.”, you said storming off and slamming the door shut behind you.

When you woke up the room was completely dark. The curtains were still open and it was clearly the middle of the night. You didn’t mean to cry yourself to sleep but you must’ve been more exhausted than you thought.

You were stretching out on the bed when your stomach started to rumble reminding you that you hadn’t eaten since the morning. Slowly cracking open the bedroom door you were met with silent darkness. Maybe you got lucky and Yoongi decided to go back home. That would be ideal you thought.

You tiptoed down the hall only to be met with the sound of soft snores coming from the couch. You peaked over finding Yoongi sound asleep all wrapped up in a blanket. He looked so cuddly and warm and you missed falling asleep with his arms wrapped around you.

Thankfully your stomach grumbled again getting you back on the right track. Yoongi was not yours to cuddle any more anyways.

The kitchen was small but livable. As quietly as possible you poked around hoping to find something you could quickly turn into a meal. Unfortunately thanks to the events earlier you didn’t even think to go to the grocery store to stock up so the kitchen was bare. You chugged a large glass of water hoping it would hold you over a few more hours until you could go get breakfast somewhere.

You turned to rinse out your glass when you saw a note sitting on the counter. The handwriting familiar,

“Pizza in the fridge. Promise I didn’t poison it. Just didn’t want to wake you. -Yoongi.”

You wanted to cry. You wanted to be angry. You wanted to run into the living room and hug him. But instead you chose to just take a slice of pizza, conveniently with your favorite toppings which only made you want to cry more, and headed back to your room to hideout until the morning.

Somehow you managed to doze off again for another few hours. The bright sun shining through the crack in your curtains waking you up this time. You got ready for the day, putting a little more effort into your appearance than you had for the last couple months. You kept telling yourself it had absolutely nothing to do with Yoongi.

The kitchen was filled with the scent of pepperoni and garlic. Just as you walked in Yoongi was pulling what was left of the pizza out of the oven.

“This will have to do for breakfast. We’ll have to go into town and get some groceries.”, he said when he noticed you.

“Oh if you want to make a list I can just go. You said you had a lot of work to do.”, you replied wanting to avoid having to spend so much time with him.

But he shook his head, “It rained quite a bit last night. The roads might be rough. We’ll go together.”

You knew there was no use in arguing with him and maybe a small part of your heart warmed up at the thought that he still worried about you like that.

“Okay. We can leave after breakfast.”, you nodded.

The drive into town was silent and uneventful. The little town was cute to say the least. You even took note of the realty company there because you wouldn’t mind moving there some day.

At the grocery store you both quickly gathered what you needed. Mostly snacks since you were only there for one more night. You grabbed some fruit and a giant tub of ice cream. Yoongi grabbed a six pack and some instant noodles.

He surprised you when he suggested you both stop for lunch. You really wanted to say no but he was driving so you didn’t have much of choice anyways. You ended up at a quaint little cafe. The atmosphere was warm and welcoming even though the tension between you and Yoongi was ice cold.

You were sat on the back patio over looking the beautiful fall foliage. Several outdoor fire pits provided more than enough warmth.

“So how have you been?”, Yoongi awkwardly asked.

“Fine I guess. Not as good as you apparently.”, you replied harsher than you meant to.

“What is that supposed to mean?”, he asked confused.

You went to apologize but were interrupted.

“Alright did you two decide what you’re having today?”, the waiter Jin asked.

“Uh yeah just the classic burger for me.”, Yoongi replied.

“The harvest soup please.”, you said handing him your menu.

After he walked away the tension between you both was thicker than before.

You realized that Yoongi had been kind through the whole trip. Saving pizza for you, sleeping on the couch without argument so you could have the bed, heating up breakfast, taking you into town and paying for the groceries, now taking you to a nice cafe and trying to have a civil conversation. You realized you had been the one making things difficult.

“Hey Yoongi I’m sorry about what I sa-“, you began but his phone started ringing. He took it out of his pocket and you felt your blood boil when you saw the contact name flashing on the screen, Nari.

“Sorry Y/N. I have to take this.”, he said walking away from the table.

“Of course.��, you scoffed thankful that you didn’t fully apologize yet.

Feeling anxious and not wanting to just sit there any more you walked over to the balcony so you could look out over the property.

“They’re beautiful aren’t they?”, a guy said next to you. He pointed out to the field after noticing your confusion, “The trees.”

“Oh yeah. They’re gorgeous.”, you chuckled.

“They’re tulip trees. They’re even more beautiful when they bloom in the spring.”, he said, “I’m Namjoon by the way.”

He smiled flashing you the prettiest dimples you’d ever seen.

“Y/N”, you said, “Maybe I’ll have to come back in the spring to see them in bloom. That sounds quite nice actually.”

“Oh you’re not a local?”, he asked, “You know… if you want I could show you around the town a little.”

“I’d like that, but I’m just here on a little weekend trip. I leave tomorrow.”

“Oh Uhh are you here on a trip with your boyfriend?”

Your brows furrowed, “What? No I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Namjoon awkwardly chuckled, “Well um does that guy know that because he’s currently staring at us like he wants to kill me?”

You looked where he was pointing to see Yoongi standing there. His hands in his pockets while he ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. And he was in fact staring daggers at you. You knew just from that look that he was furious.

“Don’t worry. He’s just a complicated friend thing person….”, you cringed.

“Okay well if you want to give me call I’d be happy to show you around. Maybe don’t bring your friend thing though.”, he laughed handing you his number.

You walked back to the table just as Jin dropped off your meals. You both ate in silence and that carried over to the drive back to the cabin too.

Once the groceries were unloaded Yoongi grabbed his headphones and laptop and went out to the back deck without a word.

You stood and watched him work for a while. The Yoongi that you knew all these years would never just give you the silent treatment. He discussed what was bothering him so that you could work together to solve it.

He answered another phone call. You figured it was Nari again so you walked away to give him some privacy.

You had just finished plating up dinner when Yoongi came walking back inside. He eyed the food and then you. “We didn’t have much to make a big meal but I put together what I could.”, you said shifting awkwardly under his gaze.

“Not hungry.”, he scoffed before turning to walk back outside.

“Seriously Yoongi, what the fuck is your problem?”

He stopped and turned to look at you, “I don’t have a problem. Why don’t you go out and have a nice dinner with your little friend you met earlier.”

You hated that you could feel tears already begin to form, “You’re one to talk.”

With three long strides he was right in front of you giving you somewhat of a startle, “Me? I haven’t done anything other than be a heartbroken mess these last two months without you but the minute a cute guy flirts with you then you’re practically trying to fuck him right there.”

You stared at him in disbelief. Your heart rate was skyrocketing. From his pocket you could hear his phone ringing again and it all came back to you.

“At least I waited until you broke up with me. You are the asshole who was cheating on me the whole time.”, you whispered as the realization of your words hit you. Tears began freely falling as you turned and ran back into the bedroom closing the door behind you.

You never expected that this trip would be filled with so much crying and hurt. It was supposed to be relaxing and fun.

You waited a while until you had calmed down and then decided you weren’t spending another night in the same cabin with Yoongi so you grabbed your bag and packed up your clothes. You did a double check making sure you had everything and with your car keys in hand you pulled open the bedroom door only to hear a loud thud followed by a groan.

Quickly you found the hall light switch flipping it on only to find a very buzzed Yoongi rolling around on the floor. The six pack he had gotten at the store now empty and tossed around him.

“Y/N please don’t leave. I need you.”, he slurred.

You looked over his face. He looked just as bad as you did if not worse. Clearly he had been crying. His nose was bright red and his eyes still teary.

“Come on. Let’s get you to bed.”, you sighed while helping him up thankful you talked him out of the twelve pack.

Worried that he would roll off the couch you decided to let him have the bed. You were leaving anyways so it didn’t matter. Once he was all tucked in you tried once again to leave but he grabbed your wrist, “Y/N you can’t leave. I already lost you once and I can’t…I can’t do it again.”

He started to cry. You started to cry. You agreed to stay.

When you woke up the next morning Yoongi was already staring at you.

“I never cheated on you with Nari. I know that’s what you think happened.”, he said getting right to the point like the Yoongi you knew.

You stared at him in silence. Your throat was sore and your head hurt from all the crying.

He took a deep breath before continuing, “Y/N, I broke up with you because that’s what I thought was best for you. Just it’s just that the last couple months I felt like I was drowning. Work was piling up, I was spending less and less time with you. My mental and physical health were deteriorating. I saw how worried you were about me. I saw how sad you were. How tired you were. All because of me. And then I had a realization that I didn’t bring anything positive to our relationship. So when we got into that fight I saw it as my way to get you out of this. To free you from me.”

He paused for a second. He used his thumb to wipe away some of your tears that you hadn’t even realized were there again.

“But after we broke up I realized how much you held me together. I couldn’t function without you but every time I’d pick up my phone to call you or every time I’d stand outside your door ready to knock I would remind myself that this was what’s best for you. You wouldn’t be able to live your life if I was there dragging you down. But I’ve been a complete mess since that night. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. My work was slipping so bad and that’s why I had that dinner with Nari. The one you saw me at. She’s a head producer now and technically my boss. She told me that if I didn’t get my shit together that they would have to terminate my contract. That’s why she keeps calling me, to check in and see how my progress is coming along. And I’m sorry about what I said about you and that guy. If you want to go out with him it’s none of my business. I’ll work through my feelings alone.”

You sat for a moment trying to process everything that you just heard because you had no idea that he was feeling that way.

“Yoongi I’m sorry that you felt like that but you don’t get to make that decision for me. I would go to hell and back for you and with you. Part of being in a relationship is being there through not only the good times but the difficult ones too.”

After you heard sniffles coming from next to you, you noticed that he was crying. You pulled him into your lap which he happily allowed wrapping his arms around you and pulling himself as flush against you as he could. He nuzzled his face into the crook of your next to soothe himself.

“I’m so sorry Y/N. I never meant to hurt you. I actually wanted was trying to do the opposite.”, he spoke through sobs.

“Shhh shhh I know. We can talk more about it later.”

And you did have a long discussion about all of the events that lead up to that moment. It was much needed and helped you both to open up and put all of your feelings out there.

You agreed to take things slow but you spent the rest of the day happily wrapped in each others arms by the fireplace just like you had originally planned .

[dumb-doll-lips]

I don’t know enough people to ask, but if you’re a woman maybe around early to mid 30s, how often do you talk to your mom? Like idk what range of answers even make sense for a survey, surveys feel more fun. I’m sick of feeling like such a bad guy bc i don’t want to talk everyday and would like more space.

[aleputellasworshipper]

rock bottom ౨ৎ L.W

Leah x Aussie!reader

description; reader hasn’t been showing up to training nor messaging her national teammates so they tell Leah, her girlfriend.

warnings; self harm, depression, bed rotting ig.

౨ৎ

rock bottom.

it means to be at the lowest possible level.

That’s exactly how I feel at this very moment. I haven’t been to training in a week, I haven’t showered in 4 days, and I haven’t messaged any of my teammates in 3. 

it feels impossible to do anything, let alone breathe.

My room was a mess; plates, bowls, knives, forks, and any other cutlery littered my bedside tables. Drinks, such as iced coffee or any energy drinks, were stacked in the bowls.

it felt like i had hit rock fucking bottom.

My girlfriend Leah had tried calling and texting to see what was going on, but I simply ignored her, not on purpose but simply because I didn’t have the energy, and at this very moment, lying in bed, I had forgotten I had given Leah a key to my house.

Well, that was until I heard my front door unlock, open, and then shut again. I didn’t even have the energy to see if I was about to be robbed. All the thoughts racing through my head finally stopped once my bedroom door had opened, and I heard a voice utter a soft

"baby?"

I had turned my body around, facing the door, to see Leah standing there with a bag in hand. There was one familiar look in her eyes after she had looked around my pigsty of a room.

Pity.

God, I hated that fucking look.

Leah walked closer towards me, she sat the bag down on the ground, since that was the only free space, she kneeled down and place one of her hands on my cheek. “We’ve all been worried about you, love.”

I look up into her eyes; the comforting blue eyes that tackled all my problems. “What’s going on in your beautiful head?” she whispered so quietly that I almost didn’t hear her.

I just shrugged, not having any proper words to answer her question. I watched as her gaze softened, she tilted her head.

“are you okay?” she tried again.

i shook my head.

“i will be, though.” i muttered, my voice croaky since i hadn’t had to talk to anyone for a couple of days.

She nodded, not knowing what she could say, but i could see in her eyes, that she wanted to ask a million questions.

“y/n… why haven’t you shown up to training.. and please don’t bullshit me.” her voice was stern, like she meant business. she knew i was going to lie, so it was a stupid question.

“i’ve been sick, Leah.” i replied, hoping she’d buy it, news flash. she didn’t.

“don’t lie, Y/n.”

i huffed, saying very fast. “i’m tired, Leah. so. fucking. tired, so i’m sorry if i had a couple of days where i just wanted to not train.” the way i said it sounded full of attitude and snark but it was the truth, i was tired.

i was waiting for Leah to scold me for the attitude that littered in my words, but she didn’t.

“that was all you had to say.” She said softly, while stroking my somewhat greasy hair. “you need a shower, love.” as soon as she said that, you could see my face change.

“i’ll help.” Leah said quickly after seeing the distaste on my face. all i could do was nod.

Leah pulled back the covers, helping me sit up by putting her hand against my back. I stood up from my bed, watching where i put my feet due to the rubbish that covered the floor around my bed.

Leah and i walked into the bathroom, she was the first one to start getting undressed, her hoodie being the first to go. i stood there, regretting the fact i agreed to shower while she was here.

Not because i didn’t want her to see me naked, but because i was afraid of her reaction to what remained under my clothes.

She turned to look at me, her eyebrows furrowing, clearly confused as to why i was still fully dressed. She went to grab the hem of my hoodie but i stopped her.

“what’s wrong?” her eyebrows furrowed even further, which was nearly impossible. i just bit my lip.

“please don’t be mad.” i forced out, my voice shaky. her face went from rested to confused, she licked her lips. “why would i be mad, darling?”

and with that, my vision blurred over, my eyes filling with tears, Leah quickly moved her hands from the hem of my hoodie to my cheeks, cooing softly. “oh, baby..”

she wiped the fallen tears, leaning forward to kiss my forehead, murmuring against it. “i could never be mad with you, love. never.”

i wiped the tears from my chin, relaxing my arms, leaving them by my side. i nodded at her, telling her, she could take my hoodie off.

Leah obeyed, lifting my hoodie over my head. once she had seen what filled my wrists, her face dropped.

“y/n…” she whispered, grabbing my hand, getting a closer look at my wrists and the cuts that were littered on them.

“i’m sorry.. i’m so sorry, Leah.. please don’t be disappointed.” i rambled out in one breath, she shook her head, croaking out. “why did you do that to yourself?..”

i shrugged once more, tearing up once again, what i didn’t know was that Leah’s eyes were filled with tears, just as mine were.

i expected Leah to scream and shout at me, what i didn’t expect was for her to bring my wrists up towards her mouth, pressing her lips against my scars, it was soft, like she was afraid to hurt me.

“i’m not mad at you, y/n, i’m mad at myself because i wasn’t there when you needed me to be.” she muttered against my wrists, that broke me. i felt like i could cry.

i moved my wrists from away from her mouth, bringing my hands to her cheeks, leaning our foreheads against one another. “it wasn’t your fault, Leah..” i uttered, trying not to cry.

in return, she pecked my lips.

we let go of one another, she hesitated at first but once i nodded, she continued to undress me, my bra, my trousers, my pants and then my socks.

we got into the shower, standing under the shower head, Leah turns the shower on. We stand under the water together, letting it grace our skin.

“i’m sorry for not texting you or showing up at training.” i spun my naked body around to face Leah’s naked body. she shook her head.

“don’t be ridiculous, you’re struggling, don’t ever apologise for struggling, y/n.”

i nodded once again, she smiled at me and i smiled back, probably the most genuine smile of mine in a while.

“i’ve got you, love. you don’t have to do this alone.” Leah stated, wrapping her arms around my waist, bringing our bodies together, i lean my head on her shoulder, uttering a soft “promise?”

to which, she replied with a “i promise.”

[justmeinadaze]

What about a girl who on the surface seems to be happy. She's the one that is always there for people no matter what. Yet no one is there for her when she really needs someone. In a dark day where she thinks if she leaves the world no ones life would really change because she never really meant anything to other people. But Eddie finds her in a really bad state and somehow talks to her down and slowly overtime helps her feel wanted and loved. Shows her she's not alone.

A/N: I pushing this request and another someone gave me together because they were very similar. I get this to the core of my being and please never forget you aren't alone <3. You matter and the world is 100 time better because you're in it.

Warnings: Heavy material, mentions of emotional pain and depression especially feeling like no one cares and feeling like a burden. Enter with caution. I imagine a lot of us here have felt this at least at one point in our life.

Word Count: 2476

Everything is loud. 

Especially that voice that tells you no one cares.  Yeah you have your friends but they have their partners and their families. Yeah you have work but that’s all it is…work. The people you help are there for just that. As soon as you leave their peripherals it’s like you no longer exist. You have your family but it always feels like they are looking for number one…themselves. You’ve done everything for so many people and yet it feels like no one would do the same for you. 

It's not like you expect anyone to. You do things for people because you genuinely want to. Sometimes, however, it would just to be nice to feel like you were someone else’s first choice… 

Someone who woke up and was excited because they knew they were going to get to spend their day with you. Someone who while out in the world saw something random and their first thought was to call you to tell you. Someone who when you needed something whether it be to laugh or shoulder to cry on wouldn’t hesitate to be there. Someone who asked about your day because they were genuinely curious and not because they needed something. Someone who loved you unconditionally because you’re you.

It was a slow build up to tonight.

It starts with the little voice throughout your day telling you that no one would care. They’ll all move on after you’re gone. How long would it even take for someone to notice? No one calls unless they need something and you’re always the one to text first. You initiate meet ups with your friends and even then it’s hard to get everyone together. You fade in the background at work unless your boss needs someone to belittle. 

You haven’t seen your family face to face in so long. They always say their busy or their schedules are tight. Sometimes you call just to talk to your parents and no one answers. 

You had tried dating but most people you met up with just wanted sex. Anytime you tried finding a genuine connection, it was met with an innuendo that made your eyes roll. 

Today was particularly hard. Your account was overdrawn and you didn’t know how you were going to make it to the next check. Your boss said you seemed distracted and that you need to get your numbers to a better place or else you’d get a write up that could lead to a termination. You called your sister during your break but she didn’t answer instead posting online a selfie with her and her friends at lunch. You messaged a friend with a joke hoping to start a conversation about your worries without coming off like a bother. 

“I’m so exhausted. I wish I could meet a millionaire so I don’t have to work anymore lol”

She responded with a simple laughing emoji. 

You laid in bed scrolling through your phone at all the happy photos of people with their partners, other friends, and or children. They all seemed genuinely happy…why couldn’t you? You were really good at playing content but it took every ounce of energy you had. You didn’t want to pretend anymore. 

You wanted to place the weight of everything down for even just one day of relief while someone took you in their arms and told you that you were safe. 

The voice was practically screaming now in your head that you would never get that relief. The only way to end the pain is to remove yourself entirely from the equation. 

Your logic brain knew it didn’t want that but you didn’t know how to turn it off. 

Opening your front door, you ran outside in the rain in no particular direction hoping that you would end up wherever you were meant to be. You don’t know how long you were on your feet but suddenly you were swept off them as you fell forward into the mud beneath you. 

You heard a faint voice but it was hard to understand under the wind and thunder that shook the sky. A leather jacket covered your arms before you were lifted by your biceps and carried into a home nearby. 

“Jesus, sweetheart. Are you insane? You’re going to get yourself killed walking out there in this weather.”, the boy scolded as he shook his hair like a dog and took off the shirt he was wearing without any hesitation. “Fuck. Here let me take that here.” Grabbing his jacket, he rung it out in the kitchen and hung it on the counter. 

You watched him with wide eyes as he moved around what you realized was a trailer with purpose. 

“Alright, here’s a towel. Do you need to use my phone to call someone or—” The towel he handed you promptly feel to the floor when you didn’t reach out to take it from him, giving him pause as you both stared at it on the ground. 

His bare feet scooted against the rug as he placed himself in front of you and bent down to grab the towel again. You could feel his eyes scanning over you and when you glanced up to meet them you noticed they know reflected concern. 

“You know what? I’m being rude. I haven’t even introduced myself and I just pulled you into my humble abode.” With a big tooth filled grin, he extended his arms out wide and bowed. “My name is Eddie Munson and you are…?” He waits but when you don’t respond, he nonchalantly shakes his head as he stands to his full height again. “No worries. You can tell me when you’re ready. Um, I don’t think a towel will be enough and since it’s still storming you are more than welcome to use our shower. I have some fresh clothes you can change into and we can wash the mud off your outfit. If you want, of course. No pressure.”

“O-Ok.”

One of his eyebrows quirks at the sound of your voice before he flashes you another soft smile.

“Ok? Cool.”

***

When you step out of the shower, you can’t help but feel more relaxed under the steam that filled the bathroom. Eddie’s cigarette smelling clothes added an extra layer of comfort as they hung off your small frame. Glancing at the items on the sink, you smiled at the aftershave and hair product that lingered. Picking up his cologne, your smile grew as you inhale the smell that could best be described as home. You could get lost in that smell…

Continuing to dry your hair as you headed towards his room, you found the metalhead shoveling arms full of clothes that were on his floor into the closet. 

“Oh, uh, hey. Sorry. Yeah…my room isn’t usually this messy but…”

“It’s fine. I’m sorry for ruining your night.”

His face visibly scrunched in confusion as he took a seat on the edge of his bed. 

“What makes you think you ruined my night?”

“I just…kind of…appeared.”

“Nice, pretty girl like you shows up on my doorstep. Introverts dream right there, honey.”, he chuckles as you blush. “Naw, you didn’t ruin my night. I was just going to lay here, smoke some weed and listen to some music. Would, um, would you like to join me?”

You think for a moment as your eyes take him in. Eddie had changed out of his wet clothes and put on a long sleeve shirt with some shorts that reached past his knees. His hair had begun to dry and frizz in an adorable manner that had butterflies flutter in your tummy. 

“Ok.”

“Yeah? Cool.”

“Y/N.” As he slides down to the floor, his head tilts when he hears you speak. “That’s my name.”

Grinning, he reaches under his bedside table and pulls out a little box with a couple of joints pre rolled within. 

“That’s very beautiful. So Y/N, is there a particular genre I should stay away from or are you openminded with music?”

“I’d like to think I’m pretty open minded.”

Eddie lights the end of the paper between his lips and his chest moves with every inhale and exhale before passing it to you. The effects are immediate as you feel calmness wash over you, handing it to him before laying on your back beside him. 

While you continue to listen to the music that plays neither of you says a word as you pass the joint freely between each other. The most recent song ends and a guitar rift begins to play that you feel like you’ve heard before. When you turn to look his way, your eyes lock with his earnest ones as if he’s waiting for you to recognize it. 

When the singer begins to sing the lyrics, your eyes close as you grab your stomach and laugh harder than you felt like you ever had before. Watching the way your personality unfolded has Eddie cackling with you until you were finally able to catch your breath. 

“Is that a fucking rock version of Lil Wayne’s ‘Lollipop’?! Oh my god it sounds amazing.”

“I have this weird fascination with rap songs turned into metal covers. It just tickles my funny bone the right way.”

“I love it.”

“And I love your laugh. It’s infectious.”

Glancing his way, you softly smile as you pass him the last of the bud in your hand for him to finish. 

“Thank you.”

“It’s nice to see you smile. You seemed a bit sad when you came in.”

“Yeah…we don’t have to talk about it though.”

“Do you not WANT to talk about it?”

“No, I just…you don’t wanna hear all that heavy stuff.”, you sigh as you sit up and lean against his dresser. 

“I mean I want to hear more about you, Y/N, and if that ‘heavy stuff’ is a part of you than I wanna hear it.”, he responds as he sits up as well. 

“You don’t know me, Eddie.”

“I’m trying to, sweetheart.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why do you want to know? Like I said you don’t know me. Why do you care?”

“I care because I want to know why a gorgeous, seemingly kind woman like you was walking out alone at night during a thunderstorm. Whatever caused her to do that must be really hurting her and I know how much that sucks. I want to help…if I can.”

Your eyes take him in as he pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them to hold them in place. It was so odd to feel safe with someone you didn’t know. You weren’t sure if it was his smooth voice, the intense yet soft hues of his own eyes, or the protective concerned energy that surrounded him but you decided to take a leap and let go.

“When I get lonely…sometimes the voices in my head…get too loud. Not like you know voices, voices but just like that little voice…that makes the world…seem hopeless.”

“Like…no one cares about you to put you first and maybe the world would somehow be better without you in it?” When your gaze shifts his way, you find his have moved to the void in the floor in front him. “Yeah, I know how that feels especially when you hear it being reiterated with that voice.”

“It’s like an extra weight is pushing down on me and I can’t breathe.”

“You just want someone to take off some of that slack and tell you everything is going to be ok. And not because they want something or because they feel like they have to but because they genuinely want to.”

As you nod, you hastily try to dry the tears that fall before he notices.

“Y/N? I promise everything is going to be ok.” When Eddie slid closer to you, you couldn’t stop yourself as you climbed into his lap and curled into his broad chest as his arms circled around you. “You’re safe and the world is 1000 times better because you’re here.”

He continued to coo softly that everything was ok, rocking you gently in his arms as you continued to cry. 

################

Six Months Later

You beam as you hold Eddie’s hand at the table with your friend and her date as you wait for your food to served. 

“Hey, you know what would be fun? Maybe after we eat, we can head over to Scoops and try that new peanut flavor they have.”

“Oh, yeah!”, your friend exclaims with bright eyes. “I heard it’s so delicious.”

“I mean ice cream sounds great but Y/N can’t have that flavor. She’s allergic remember?”, your boyfriend replies nonchalantly as he quietly thanks the waiter as he places plates down in front of everybody. Without skipping a beat, Eddie opens your burger and steals your pickles he knows you give him every time before wrapping his arm around your shoulders as he eats with his free hand. 

Since that first night you met him, everything came almost easy with Eddie. For the first time, you felt heard and understood. Those first couple of months, you half expected him to disappear but every day he showed up with the same enthusiasm that made your heart want to explode. 

The first time you two fought, he realized it was because you were afraid to be open. 

“Sweetheart, how am I supposed to know it bothers you if you don’t tell me?”

“I just…I don’t want to lose you. I like you a lot, Eddie, and I’m afraid—”

“To be yourself? Baby, I like you a lot to. YOU… not some image of you. Don’t make yourself unhappy to make me happy. I don’t want that.”

From that moment on, you did everything you could to express how you felt and every time he tried to meet you in the middle. Every bad day, you were there for each other no questions asked. Every good day, you relished especially the small moments where you two would just lay on the floor and listen to music enjoying each other’s company without feeling like he’d rather be somewhere else. 

You were his first choice and he was yours. 

“How about we go to the arcade? They have that ice cream shop next door and then we can play some pool.”, you suggest knowing Eddie can smoke while you guys play as the music you both like plays. 

“That sounds like fun.”, your friend grins. “I’m not good with pool but I know Adam likes to show off.”

“So does Ed.”, you giggle. 

“Pfft, like you don’t like watching me bend over the table when I shoot my shot.”, he teases as he throws a wink your way before kissing your forehead.

##############

Eddie Asks/ Donate to me :)

Just in case y'all wanted to hear the song :P

[xo-hoon]

an eye for an eye — p.sh

pairing: park sunghoon x fem!reader

genre: revenge, angst, smut, fluff

synopsis: Sunghoon nurtured a profound animosity towards his childhood friend, Lee Heeseung, blaming him for his sister's death. To Sunghoon, his sister was the only person who had genuinely loved him, making Heeseung's perceived betrayal unforgivable. This deep resentment sparked an intense desire for revenge, driving Sunghoon to extreme measures to achieve it. But to what extent would he go to find satisfaction in his vengeance against Lee Heeseung? Would his plans unfold smoothly, or would everything take an unexpected turn, throwing his schemes into something he didn’t expect.

word count: 4.2k

warnings: swearing, kidnapping (kinda), possessive hoon, mentions of death, fake marriage, depression, fist fighting, minor bleeding, hoon has detachment issues. (typographical errors)

an eye for an eye: last part - masterlist

Sunghoon woke up with the feeling of his wife’s figure laying on his chest. You really looked angelic while sleeping.

He couldn’t help but to stroke your cheek and feel the softness of your lips. He wished to see this sight every morning for the rest of his life. That way, even if it was cloudy outside, he’d always wake up with his own brand of sunshine. He wrapped you in his arms and basked in your warmth. He vowed to never let you slip away from him.

He would do everything to tie you to him forever. And for that to happen, he needed to take action.

He gave you a tender kiss on the forehead before getting up to take a shower and prepare himself for the day. Upon leaving the room, he went straight to the garden where he suspected his father was.

“Dad,” He called. From his newspaper, her father glanced up at him.

“Good morning, son. Sit down. Do you need anything?” Sunghoon sat down in front of him.

“I’m thinking of taking my wife on a belated honeymoon trip.”

His forehead creased. “Where are you planning on going?”

“Japan. I also wanted to visit Grandma and Grandpa.” They had never been close to him, but they knew your family. “I’d be grateful if your secretary could arrange everything for me and my wife.”

He folded the newspaper and placed it on the table. “Why does this seem sudden? What about the farm? I’m getting old, Sunghoon. I can’t manage everything anymore.”

“We have good people here, Dad. They are all hardworking and trustworthy. My manager could take over, so I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” His father fell silent for a moment, deep in thought over what he had just said. “Alright, I understand. When are you going back home?”

Sunghoon shrugged. “I don’t know. As long as possible?” His father’s lips twitched and his eyes filled with profound curiosity.

“Why do I feel like you’re planning to live there? Is there a problem, Sunghoon?”

Yes, there is. Sunghoon laughed. “Nothing, Dad. Anyway, we can’t stay there for long. I just wanted a little vacation with my wife.” He leaned back and looked at his father intently.

“Fine. But make sure to call here often. I’ll get my secretary to arrange everything. I’ll also have him come here to get both your passports.”

“Okay, Dad. Thank you.” He said and stood up after bidding farewell. Sunghoon breathed a sigh of relief. His father agreed. And hopefully, everything would go as smoothly as this.

—

You’ve noticed that your husband has been exceptionally busy these past few days. You already knew he was hard working, workaholic, even. But it’s quite different these days as if he’s constantly chasing after something. Today, he left with his father because they said they had someone to talk to.

You glanced at the oven timer, signaling that the cream cheese garlic bread you made is cooked. Once you checked and saw that they were golden brown, you grabbed the mittens to take the baking tray out.

“Wow, that looks delicious, Y/n.” Aunt Chul said as she just entered the kitchen. You smiled at her.

“I won’t be modest, Auntie. It is really delicious.” You giggled, placing the tray on the table. She chuckled.

“Really? Let me have a taste then.”

“Sure! But let’s wait for it to cool down for a bit,” You said as you removed the mittens and took the tongs to carefully transfer the bread onto the basket lined with wax paper.

“Oh! I’ll make us something to drink, Dear. What would you like?”

“I’ll have some green tea, please.” You requested.

“Sure, just a moment.” She began boiling the water and fetched the cups while you were arranging the bread in the basket, making it look presentable. Shortly after, you and the woman enjoyed the bread and tea together.

“This is so good, Dear!” Aunt Chul happily commented after the first bite. You nodded in agreement.

“Yes, it really is. I wonder who made it?”

The woman chuckled lightly. “No joke, Dear. It really is delicious. The cream cheese garlic bread I’ve had before didn’t taste like this. Sunghoon is really lucky to have someone like you, Dear. I hope you know that.” You were speechless at her words.

“I remember, Sohyun and Sunghoon used to love eating you baked good back then. They were the ones tasting and critiquing your creations.” Your smile faded as you recalled the past.

“I felt that they grew tired of tasting my breads back then. Especially Sunghoon.” You whispered softly.

“Oh, Dear! I doubt that,” The woman said with a chuckle and shook he head. “Didn’t Sunghoon always insist on tasting even the burnt ones?”

Yes, you could vividly remember that. Every batch you baked, whether perfectly made or not, Sunghoon always tasted them. He would praise them if they were delicious and cheer you on to do better next time if they weren’t. He was always there for you, ready to make you smile and feel good. He was your everything backthen. While you couldn’t do anything for him. You sighed.

“Yes, he’s a good guy…” You said softly just above whisper.

“What was that, dear?” The elderly woman asked. You glanced at her and gave a small smile.

“Nothing, Auntie.”

She took another bite of the bread and savored it like a child. “This is really delicious, Dear. I’ll miss this when you’re in Japan.”

You paused mid-bite upon hearing her words. “What? Japan?” You asked, confused.

“Yes, Japan. Didn’t Sunghoon tell you? You’re leaving tomorrow to go to Japan. Your husband has already arranged for your things to be packed,” She explained. Your jaw might have dropped at Aunt Chul’s news. Japan? Leaving? Tomorrow? You had no idea of what she was talking about. You felt your phone vibrating in your pocket.

“Heeseung…” You murmured as you saw the registered number. Quickly excusing yourself from Aunt Chul, you hurried upstairs to your room to answer the call.

“Heeseung?”

“What’s this I hear about you and Sunghoon leaving?”

He asked sternly. You paced back and forth in the room, feeling like a cat about to give birth, anxious and unsettled.

“I don’t know! Aunt Chul just mentioned it to me just now. I had no idea. Sunghoon hasn’t said anything about us leaving.”

You stopped in your tracks and pulled at your hair, feeling frustrated. What was he thinking?

“He’s freaking insane! You need to come home now, Y/n. We need to talk about this,”

He insisted.

“But—”

“If you won’t come here, I’ll come there.”

He said sharply. You took a deep breath.

“Okay, I’ll be there in an hour.”

You quickly left the mansion, being careful not to be seen by anyone. You also didn’t ask the driver to take you to avoid anyone from knowing where you were going. Upon arriving at your house, Heeseung form immediately greeted you. His face was serious.

“Let’s talk inside.” He said, leading the way.

—

Sunghoon and his father was greeted by Aunt Chul once they entered the mansion. “Would you like to two like to have snacks or rest first?” She asked.

“I’ll rest for a bit. I’ll come down later for dinner,” Mr. Park replied, heading up to his room.

“And you, son?” The woman turned to him. Sunghoon smiled at her.

“I’ll go rest first, Auntie.”

“Is that so? Y/n baked cream cheese garlic bread,” She added making him chuckle at her obvious teasing.

“I’ll go see her first, Auntie,” He replied.

“Oh, yes. That’s right.” She quickly agreed. “Go on, she’s in your room. She went up there after we ate earlier.” She gently nudged him.

“Hurry up now.” He chuckled at the woman’s gesture. He was near the stairs when she called him.

“I’m glad you hear your laughter again, son.” She said sincerely. He smiled back at her.

“Me too, Auntie.”

He went up to their room. However. It was dark inside, and you weren’t there. The windows were open, and the curtains swayed gently with the breeze. He wondered and checked the bathroom as well, but you weren’t there either. He went downstairs to find Aunt Chul.

“Auntie, have you seen Y/n?” He asked. She furrowed her brow.

“Isn’t she in your room?” He shook his head. “No.”

“Well, I just came from the garden, she wasn’t there either. Did you check the study? Other rooms?”

“Not yet,” He sighed. “Wait, maybe she went to her brother? Your wife had someone calling her from her phone earlier.”

Your phone? He recalled Heeseung visiting the bakery. He felt knot in his stomach. The fear he felt when he woke up and found the woman was not by his side returned.

“I’ll be out for a while,” He said and rushed to his car, got in, and drove away.

—

“I have talked to a friend who’s willing to lend us the money we need. If you’re still worried about that bastard’s check, I’ll go top the bank tomorrow and—”

“It’s not that simple, Hee,” You whispered. You were both on the sofa in your living room, having a serious conversation. You felt a chill at what your brother wanted to happen.

“What do you mean?” You sighed and looked straight at him. “Do you think Sunghoon would just agree to that?” He wasn’t able to respond. “He wouldn’t, Heeseung.”

Heeseung ran his fingers through his hair in frustration and leaned back on the sofa. “Then I think it would be better if you took some time away from him,” He suggested.

You shook your head. “I think it would only make things worse if I did that.”

“Then what do you think would work?” You couldn’t answer. None of your plans had worked. Reconciling the father and son. Gradually avoiding your husband. None of it happened.

“Look, y/n. I just want you safe. I don’t want you to get hurt, that’s why I’m doing this,” He said, holding your hand. “I’ll face Sunghoon myself. I’m the reason for all of this.”

You gave him a sad smile. “Liar.” He paused. “We both know who’s really at fault for all of this.”

He tightened his grip on your hand.“Y/n, I don’t want you thinking like that.”

You sighed. “Let me handle this, Hee. Let me leaver with Sunghoon to Japan, and there I’ll figure some things out.”

His eyes narrowed and he let go of your hand. “Are you seriously telling me that you’re really going with him?”

You looked down. “Honestly, I’m still hesitant about it. I’ll try to convince him later not to leave. But if he insists, maybe it’s better if I go with him for now.” You pleaded with him to understand. “I just can’t leave him.”

He stood up abruptly, clenching his fists.

“No.” It was a firm command. “You stay out of this. I’ll confront that piece of shit right now, and I’ll resolve this mess with him.”

“I’m here, Heeseung,” You and your brother almost simultaneously turned towards a cold and low voice. You gaped as you saw Sunghoon there.

He looked at you. “We’re going home, Y/n.” He was about to reach out to you but your brother’s large figure blocked his way as he stood up.

“Over my dead body.” You grabbed his arm.

“Hee, don’t start.”

“He was the one who started all of this!” Heeseung exclaimed. “And for what? Revenge? Only children would think of—” You gasped as Sunghoon lunged forward and delivered a punch at your brother’s face.

Heeseung slumped to the floor due to the impact. Your eyes widen as you saw Heeseung’s lip split open. You rushed to him and hurriedly wiped the blood from the corner of his lips. He stood up, his eyes glaring with retaliation for the punch he received from Sunghoon.

“Stop it!” You shouted, trying to intervene to break them up. When they didn’t budge, you raised your voice louder. “Enough!”

That seemed to snap them out of it, reminding them of your presence. Both men were panting heavily, and you could feel the tension thick in the air around them. You faced your brother. “We’re leaving. I’m going with him.”

He grabbed your arm. “No!”

“Please,” Your voice trembled in plea. Reluctantly, he let go and gave Sunghoon a sharp look. You called a helper and instructed them to bring a first aid kit. “Treat your wounds, Hee. Take care.” You hugged him.

You felt your husband tug on you. “Let’s go,” He whispered. He guided you out of the house towards his car. Heeseung didn’t follow, which you were thankful for. Upon reaching the car, Sunghoon spoke.

“Don’t try to run away from me like that.” He looked at you intently. He seemed to claim all the good looks in the world because even in dim light, he still looked godly… whit a bruised lip. You reached for his face.

“You have a bruise. Let’s hurry home so we can treat that,” You said.

He grasped your hand. “Answer me. Tell me you won’t run away from me.” His intense gaze made you feel like you were burning. You nodded slightly in response.

“Say it, damn it!”

“Sunghoon, I...” He held both sides of your face and gently forced you to meet his eyes.

“Is it really that hard? To be tied to me? To stay with me and remain by my side?” Your lips parted as you saw the desperation on Sunghoon’s face, as if his life depended on you staying.

“I promise I won’t hurt you. I won’t. I can’t”

“But you’re hurting my brother. And because of that, you’re also hurting me.” You don’t have the right to complain. You deserved the pain. But your brother?

He let go and sniffed the air. “Okay. You want me to stop hating on your brother? I can do that. I’ll do it for you.” He looked at you with a longing look. “You also said I should forgive my father? Fine, I’ll do that too.” You couldn’t speak. What was he trying to do to you? He reached out and held your palm, then clasped your hands.

“If I do all that, will you stay by my side? Will you promise not to leave me? Will you stay with me forever?”

“I realized that I was blinded by anger. Sohyun wouldn’t want me to blame the man she loved forever.” Joy enveloped your heart. It felt so good to hear your husband’s words. You never expected that he would be willing to do everything just to keep you by his side. That he’s finally ready to set his anger aside. But there’s one thing he didn’t know. And Sunghoon would hate you more if you keep it hidden from him much longer. You should have confessed earlier.

How will he believe you now? Even if you tell him that you love him…

Your eyes stung with tears. You shook your head. “No… You don’t understand.”

Sunghoon lifted your face with a finger, wiping your tear that traced a path down your cheek. “What do I not understand?” He asked, his voice soft yet urgent. “What is it, Y/n?”

You could only shake your head, your tears falling relentlessly. Sunghoon enveloped you in a warm embrace, offering you solace in the cold, dark night.

“Please, Y/n,” He murmured, his voice trembling with emotions. “Just promise me that you won’t run away. That we’ll always be together. That’s all I want to hear. Please.”

You continued to sob into his chest. Truth be told, you wanted the same thing—to be together forever, to be happy in each other’s arms. But that was impossible. It was never going to happen. You sniffled and gathered all your courage. Gently, you pushed him away from you. You shut your eyes tightly before looking straight into his eyes.

“It wasn’t my brother’s fault that Sohyun died. It was mine.” Your throat ached, and the words seemed to resist coming out. “It was only right that I pay for what I did. So it’s not fair that you blamed Heeseung for what happened…”

You saw Sunghoon’s expression change. “What are you talking about, y/n?” This isn’t your fault.”

You stood firm You knew you had to stick to the truth, no matter how painful. “It was all my idea. It was my decision that led to Sohyun’s death. I can’t let Heeseung suffer for something he didn’t do.”

A mixed of shock and confusion crossed Sunghoon’s face. “It wasn’t Heeseung’s fault that your sister is no longer with us. It was my fault. The anniversary surprise, the candle lit dinner—” You gulped, and tears streamed down your cheeks again. “Those were all my idea.” You roughly wiped away the tears, but no matter what you did, they kept falling.

“If I hadn’t suggested all that, Sohyun would still be here. You wouldn’t be left alone. Everything would be okay.” Your chest tightened as you confessed everything to him. “Sunghoon… I… I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

You could barely breathe from crying, and through it all, Sunghoon just stood there in front of you. This must be it. He must be hating you now and cursing you to death. You wouldn’t be surprised if he suddenly told you to rot in hell. You turned away to head back to your house. You had your answers. You didn’t need to leave because Sunghoon wouldn’t want you anywhere with him anymore.

You calmed yourself and dried the tears to see your way, but a tight hug from behind stopped you in your tracks. The embrace was so firm, you could barely breathe. You cried even harder. Sunghoon turned you around and you buried your face in his chest.

‘I’m so sorry. I never thought it would all end in an accident.”

He comforted you. “Heeseung’s surprise for my sister was your idea. That’s all it was. You and Heeseung didn’t mean her any harm. Both of you just wanted to make her happy.” You pulled away slightly and looked up at him. There wasn’t a trace of hatred on his face.

“Aren’t you going to yell at me? Sohyun died because of me.” At that, you started crying again. He sighed and tried to calm you down.

“Weren’t you listening? To be honest, ever since you came back to in to my life, my anger had gradually disappeared. I think I used what happened as an excuse to keep you by my side. I could never hate you.”

“But—” He silenced you with a kiss.

“I’m sure my sister is happy up there. I know that because I felt like she’s watching over me from there. Sohyun never wanted me to live a miserable life.” He gently stroked your hair.

“She once told me that I should stop shutting myself from the world. And when she died, it felt like my anger was the only thing keeping me alive. Until I saw you again. You were so bright that I wanted to put everything behind me. And I remembered that my sister told me I always needed to stay in the light.” He carefully caressed your cheek. After a very long time, you saw the man you loved once again.

“And you are my light, Y/n. you’re my very own brand of sunshine. The moment I saw you again, I felt alive. You complete the happy days I once had.”

If this was a dream, you wished to be a princess who had slept for a long time. And if possible, you hoped never to wake up. If this was real, why did it seem so unbelievable? You had expected a mad beast with eyes full of hate, not a handsome prince with eyes filled with love.

Oh God. Is this real?

“Yes, Y/n. This is real.” You hadn’t realized that you voiced your question out.

“But, Sunghoon. I know how much Sohyun’s death affected you. I don’t want you to hide that from me just because you promised not to hurt me. Whatever makes you feel better—”

“It’s true that my sister’s death nearly killed me. But you…” He paused, searching for the right words.

“The thought of another person I love frightened the hell out of me. If I lose you, I know I won’t be able survive.”

You embraced him tightly. “I won’t leave you.”

“Do you really accept me as your husband, Y/n? Are you ready to be with me for always? Will you love me too?” He looked deep into your eyes.

You wanted to say yes. You wanted to tell him that you already loved him. That you have loved him for a long time. Your gaze shifted towards your house, where you saw your brother watching the both of you. He nodded, as if giving you the encouragement to do what you truly wanted. Slowly, a smile spread across your face. You looked up to Sunghoon, who was gazing at you with complete love. Tears pooled in your eyes again, but this time, they were tears of joy.

“I love you, Park Sunghoon.” You finally managed to say. “I’ve always loved you. Even when our paths separated, that love never faded. I still love you.” Sunghoon let put a breath, his eyes closing briefly.

He hugged you tight and kissed the top of your head. “Thank you. Thank you for loving me.”

You returned the warm embrace to your husband. “I still feel guilty about Sohyun,” you sighed.

“Stop it,” He scolded you gently. “She loves us, and I know she wants us to be happy. There’s nothing to worry about now, baby.” Right. Sohyun had been a kind and loving sister top Sunghoon. She treated you like a sibling too. She genuinely loved your brother. She wouldn’t want anyone of you to be sad.

Under the moonlight, you promised to love the man you promised to be with for a lifetime with all your heart. You would give him the light he needed and all the love you could offer. You would be together for an eternity. And it would start now.

“I love you so much. Y/n.” You heard him whisper. You tightened your hug on Sunghoon even more.

“I love you.”

It was supposed to be rainy afternoon according to the weather report last night. But the weather seemed to be cooperating with them because not a single dark cloud marred the sky. You wondered how it would feel to live in a world where there was no sadness and pain; where only the warmth of love and happiness enveloped you.

Then you realized that in this world, one need all those sufferings to appreciate the beauty of life. You should face your fears and endure trials to become a better person. You smiled as you looked back and saw your husband leaning against the tree where you were taking shelter.

Sunghoon is a great example of someone consumed by darkness, yet learning to return to the colorful world. Well, all of you went through some tough times, but you believed it was Sunghoon who suffered the most. You approached him, locking eyes. You sucked in your breath. He still looked dark and powerful, but that was just because of his striking physical appearance. The dark aura that used to surround him was gone.

“We need to get going, you know?” You reminded with a smile.

He held your waist and pulled you closer to him. “I know, baby. I was just doing some reminiscing.”

“Like when you tripped here while we were chasing after Sohyun and Heeseung?” you teased him. The corners of his lips lifted in to a smile.

“Very funny.” You grinned and planted a quick kiss on his lips.

“So… Shall we go to Sohyun’s grave?” Before, his expression darkened whenever he remembered his sister, not it didn’t. He maintained a light demeanor. It was Sohyun’s death anniversary, and you planned to visit with your brother, Heeseung. The feud between the two men had been resolved.

“Yeah, I think we should go now. I want to catch Heeseung being dramatic.”

You wrinkled your nose. “How mean.” Sunghoon just grinned and kissed you quickly on the lips. You both started walking towards his car.

“You know what? My visits to my sister will be different now,” He said.

“What do you mean?”

“Before, whenever I would visit her, I always said I would seek revenge on those responsible for her loss.” He tightened his grip on your hand. “But today would be different because you’re with me, and Heeseung and I are okay. I used to visit her with a heavy heart, but this time, I would face her with a smile.”

“And she must be smiling back at you,” You said happily.

“I know.” Sunghoon stopped walking and looked at you with lovingly.

“Thank you. Thank you for being my light, y/n.” You were momentarily taken aback but quickly returned the smile to your lips.

“I always got you. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

[pedrointofolklore]

This is me trying

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: joel hated you. he hated the risks you took, the danger you put yourself in, the total lack of value you had for your own life. he hated how much he worried about you. click here for part two.

warnings: detailed depictions of depression, heavily implied suicidal ideation, slight violence, angst with a sprinkle of fluff, no explicit smut but it does get very suggestive (minors do not interact), minor character death, enemies to lovers, poor communication, misunderstandings, these fools don’t know how to act, joel is an asshole but then he’s sweet, brief mention of drug use, lots of swearing, age gap (unspecified), no use of y/n, boston era/ellie era.

word count: 2.6k

a/n: hey y’all. i just wanted to thank everyone who supported my last story rosebud (here’s a link if you want to read it). this story is a lot different and a lot sadder. i got the title from my favourite pop girlie taylor alison swift.

Joel hated you. It had to be his worst kept secret.

You hadn’t done anything to him. You used to think about it constantly, desperate to know what his reason was for despising you like he did, but you eventually accepted that he didn’t need a reason. He just didn’t like you. 

Joel wasn’t particularly likeable himself. He was rude and intimidating and one of the most morally bankrupt people you’d ever met, but you didn’t hate him the way he hated you. You were Tess’s lackey—Joel tolerated you, and you supposed he wasn’t obligated to do any more than that. Although, he didn’t do it very well.

You’d existed in each other’s orbit in the QZ for a while, and finally met one night in the boarded-up old mall when you’d gotten to a stash of painkillers just before them. Joel wouldn’t have hesitated to shoot you between the eyes if Tess hadn’t been there.

Tess saw something in you—not a friend, not a life worth sparing by virtue of humanity; a business investment.

And it was a smart investment. You were young, agile and clever, incredible at slipping by unnoticed and gathering information. You knew all the best routes, the best times to take them, and you could swindle anyone out of their rations just by batting your eyelashes. You were willing to take the lead, to be the first one in and out to make sure the coast was clear.

It wasn’t the threat of death or the promise of mercy that made you join them—it was the sense of purpose it gave you.

Joel was adamantly against it. Things worked fine the way they did them, and he saw no reason to add another person into it.

“Don’t need to fix something that ain’t broken,” was how he’d put it.

You didn’t dispute that. Joel and Tess had survived for years, and they were clearly more than capable of getting the job done, but what you lacked in experience, you made up for in stealth and speed—something their aging knees struggled with.

Tess convinced Joel, which you soon found out she was very good at. You also found out that his compliance didn’t mean hiding his resentment.

He thought you were a careless, impulsive loose cannon, and he’d told you so after a particularly dicey deal with a particularly dicey FEDRA agent.

“You’re gonna get yourself killed one of these days.” He followed you into your apartment uninvited. Tess made him walk you home, and you were sure he only did it because he wanted to berate you.

“Why do you care?” you asked, tossing your keys onto the counter. They slid off and hit the floor.

“You’re with us,” Joel replied. “You'll get us killed.”

You scoffed and rolled your eyes—you knew that infuriated him. “Am I on crack or have you not doubled your profits since I showed up?”

“I think you’re dangerous,” Joel said, ignoring you. “Always sneakin’ around, goin’ places you shouldn’t, playin’ mind games with FEDRA. Your luck’s gonna run out sooner or later, and I just hope I’m not around when it does.”

Your face burned with red-hot anger as you tried to fight the stinging in your eyes and the blurring of your vision, but you were too far gone. The tears fell, and they were ceaseless. You felt pathetic, but you knew this would happen. You didn’t often cry from sadness or pain, but anger always managed to bring it out in you.

“Who the fuck are you to tell me that?” you hissed. “You’re saying you don’t sneak around? You’ve never scammed anyone? You’re a smuggler, Joel! Be fucking real with me.”

“It’s different,” he said, clenching his jaw.

“Why, because you’re older? Because you have more experience?”

“‘Cause I don’t think I’m fuckin’ special.”

If his words were the dagger, the pure contempt in his tone was what plunged it into your stomach, twisted it, and left a gaping hole for all of your despair to come pouring out of, leaving behind a puddle of melancholia for him to gaze at in all its miserable glory.

It was the only time you might have hated Joel as much as he hated you. Working with him and Tess wasn’t perfect, but it was all you had, and now he’d managed to make it all meaningless. Your help wasn’t helping.

“Fuck you, Joel,” you spat.

You should have quit then, and you thought about it. After pounding your fists into Joel’s chest and screaming at him to get the fuck out of your apartment, you sunk down onto the floor and cried. You cried until you ran out of tears and were left with a nothing but a throbbing headache. You took a pill, passed out, and woke up to you discover that you’d lost the energy to really care about any of it.

You didn’t quit. If anything, you became even more audacious, but you never confused it with courage or bravery. Bravery was perseverance in the face of terror. Joel and Tess were brave. You weren’t like them.

Joel laid off after that. He wasn’t anything close to nice, but whatever animosity he held towards you was only ever expressed as quiet seething, and you could live with that.

Any fulfilment you got out of working with Joel and Tess dissolved, but for what it was, it still worked.

Until it didn’t.

Tess was dead. The buffer between you and Joel was gone, and you had no choice but to work together and get the immune girl to Wyoming.

You wondered if there was a silver-lining in this wreckage. You thought that circumstance might force Joel to finally get along with you, and so you did the one thing you never did—you tried. You tried to help him, tried to speak to him like he was someone you actually wanted to speak to, tried to rein in some of your more annoying traits so you wouldn’t get on his nerves.

None of it worked. All you could get out of Joel seemed to be irritated mumbles and blank stares, and you couldn’t even blame him after what happened to Tess.

You never really knew if Tess actually gave a shit about you, or if she only ever cared about having an extra pair of hands around. Either way, you cared about her.

So, once again, you tried. When Joel and Ellie were sleeping—or at least pretending to—you walked down to the stream and tried to cry for her, but you couldn’t muster the tears. You even tried to get angry, mentally cuss her out for leaving you behind, but your eyes were dry.

You stared into the water, gazing at the way it sparkled in the starlight, and thought that the world didn’t deserve such a pretty sight. You couldn’t cry, but a deep sadness overtook you, weighing you down like lead.

Joel didn’t hate you.

He just hated how impulsive and reckless you were. He hated that you were smart, intuitive, and so maddeningly beautiful. He hated the risks you took, the danger you put yourself in, the total lack of value you had for your own life. He hated how much he worried about you.

There was a time he had disliked you. He used to think it was arrogance—that you truly believed you were so special that you could get away with anything. It was when he called you out on it that he realised how wrong he was.

Your reaction was frightening. You cried and screamed at him, pushed him out of your space. He didn’t know you were capable of such a strong display of emotion, but he’d struck a nerve, and those were the repercussions.

He recalled how the blows to his chest didn’t hurt, like there was no force behind them. You weren’t weak at all, you just couldn’t find the willpower to really hurt him. He wished you had hurt him. Maybe getting it out of your system would have helped. Maybe he wouldn’t have had to feel so guilty.

It became so obvious to him what was happening, and he felt like an idiot for not understanding it sooner. It wasn’t that you thought you were special, or immune to the consequences—you just didn’t care what happened to you.

Now Tess was gone, and he had this horrible feeling that he was going to lose you too.

His way of dealing with it was to push you away even more. He told himself it would make things easier when you inevitably left him.

Things came to a head one night after the three of you left Lincoln. Joel had been driving all day, and he would be doing it again the next day. He was in desperate need of sleep, but as he stared out into the eerie darkness of the woods, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible would happen if he didn’t stay awake.

He heard the rustling of a sleeping bag sometime after midnight. He thought it was you just rolling over in your sleep—something you often did—but then he heard the faint sound of dead leaves crunching under feet, and you were by his side a moment later.

“What are you doing, Joel?” you asked in a soft, sleepy voice that made his chest ache.

“Keepin’ watch,” he replied bluntly.

“But you’re driving tomorrow,” you said. “You need sleep.”

“I’m fine.”

“I’ve slept, so I can take over,” you offered.

“I just told you I’m fine.”

“I’m just trying to help—”

“I don’t need your fucking help.”

You backed off, hanging your head in shame, and he instantly felt horrible—you were being nice to him and he was still being a complete asshole.

Joel tried to tear his gaze away from you. He wanted to pretend this wasn’t happening, that he hadn’t just done that, but his eyes stayed on you. He watched the shame dissolve and replace itself with indignation. You pulled your head up and glared at him with a fire in your eyes that threatened to burn right through him.

“I get it, okay? I’m sorry.”

“What are you talkin’ about?”

“I never meant for you to get stuck with me. I know it’s your worst fucking nightmare. If I could switch places with Tess—“

“Stop.” He wouldn’t hear that. He couldn’t. It would kill him. “That’s not—I’m not thinkin’ that. I’m glad you’re here, understand? I need you with me.”

You let out a bitter laugh. The sound hit his ears like a gunshot. “You just told me you didn’t. All you’ve done—all you’ve ever done—is act like I’m a fucking waste of space.”

Joel’s mouth when dry, his heart dropped to his stomach, and he thought he might vomit. It shouldn’t have shocked him like it did, but hearing you say it made him sick. He put the gun he’d been clutching down on the ground, disarming himself in more ways than one. “I don’t think that…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just—fuck—I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Are you gonna leave?”

“Leave this mission or this mortal coil?"

“Either, I guess.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Your voice was just a whisper, and it felt like you were ripping Joel’s heart out and crushing it in your hands.

Fuck no, he didn’t want you to leave, and that was what scared him the most; feeling attached to someone so detached (and yes, he was a hypocrite). He wouldn’t be able to take it if he woke up one day and you were gone.

But he couldn’t keep doing this to you. It was selfish and cowardly and it just made everything worse. He made everything worse.

“I can’t do this without you,” he told you. He hadn’t known how true it was until he said it.

“Okay.”

“I’m serious.” He felt suddenly impassioned. “You can’t…if you…just don’t. Promise me you won’t.” He couldn’t say it, couldn’t let the words out of his mouth and into the universe. You both knew what he meant.

“I promise,” you said. You sounded oddly tranquil, but Joel was destroyed, even though he knew he didn’t have the right to be—this was entirely his fault.

“Can you let me keep watch so you can get some sleep?” you asked again.

He shook his head.

“Why not?”

“Just need to know where you are.”

You stared at him, eyes wide and glossy, and for a second he thought you might start crying. Before he could think of something to do or say, your hands were on either side of his face, pulling him down into an urgent kiss.

He didn’t know what was happening, what you were thinking, or what he was thinking, but it didn’t matter, he just knew he needed to kiss you back. One of his hands found your waist while the other splayed out across your back, pulling you flush against him.

It was nowhere near sweet. It was intense and unyielding—a frantic clashing of teeth and bruising of lips. It was intoxicating, earth-shattering, but felt so right, like it was always meant to happen—or needed to happen.

Your arms wrapped around his neck, somehow bringing him impossibly closer to you. You hiked a leg up around his hip and tugged his pelvis forward. He ran a hand down from your waist, brushing it over your ass and gripping your thigh.

You rolled your hips into his, eliciting a deep, involuntary groan from him. He was painfully hard. He knew he would regret this, but he set your leg down and managed to tear his mouth away from yours. 

He missed the feeling immediately, and he didn’t have the self-control to pull away completely. His hands were still on you, pressing you against him. You looked so pretty and ruined gazing back at him; breathless and flustered with pink, swollen lips.

Fuck.

You had just kissed Joel Miller, the man you hated. 

You didn’t hate him.

You kissed the man who hated you.

He didn’t hate you.

You kissed the only person you had left. You kissed him even though it made no sense. You kissed him because you wanted to.

You started it, but then he stopped it. His eyes were dark, his face was flushed, and the bulge in his jeans was not going away. He looked like he was in pain, struggling with his own conscience.

“Sorry,” you whispered.

“Don’t be sorry.” He grinned softly and reached a hand up to tangle in your hair. It was an unexpectedly sweet gesture. “I liked it.”

Your heart melted. He was so lovely, so dear. You never imagined in your wildest dreams that Joel Miller could be like this.

“Just don’t wanna take advantage,” he said.

“You’re not. I kissed you,” you reminded him.

“I know, but you're upset, and you don’t like me much, and you’re tired. Don’t want you doing anything you don’t actually wanna do.”

You did want it, but you were also overwhelmed and exhausted, and more importantly, it would have been a majorly fucked up thing to do with a 14 year old sleeping 20 feet away.

“But if you still want it later”—he gave you another chaste kiss—“you can have it.”

You giggled, kissing him one more time. You didn’t know when you'd be able to again.

His gentle smile faded, and he looked into your eyes with devastating sincerity. “I got you now, okay?”

“I know, Joel.”

“Do you have me?” he asked.

“I’m trying.” You hoped that would be enough, because it was all you had.

“That’s all I need, sweetheart.”

a/n: so i wrote most of this when i was sick with the flu and i fully intended for it to be a one-shot, but i love this dynamic and i’m thinking of exploring it further. let me know if y’all would be interested in seeing more of these two. (edit: this a/n is now redundant bc i did in fact write the sequel).

[billiedeansbitch]

𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐞 (𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐰)-𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟐

(𝐋𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐚 𝐖𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

<< PREVIOUS PART

Chapter summary: Two things came: Larissa's orgasm and her lab results.

Notes: Some plot is plottin' huh? *Smirks*

Tw: light mentions of depression and grief. Character death (not significant). Homophobia.

*Not beta read*

“Oi, kid, we’re goin’ out for drinks, you gonna come or what?”

“Nah, I can’t, sorry. I’m going home to Jericho.”

“A wife waitin’ on ya?”

“Uh, no,” a pause to shake your head, “but someone special.” You then added and nodded, agreeing with yourself as you thought of the other shapeshifter.

Your co-worker patted you on the shoulder with a resigned sigh, “All right, suit yourself.” he left the room, a toothpick hanging off his lips.

You beamed to yourself, shoving your stuff into your bag and turned off your monitor. It oddly felt nice to admit these things not only to yourself but to others, letting them know that you weren’t available in some way…

The office was almost empty, looking around you everyone had clocked out already leaving you and the janitor alone.

It had been a busy week, the last time you saw Larissa was Tuesday morning at five am, she was loosely wrapped in her kimono-style robe, softly gazing at you as you pulled your car off her driveway and before you could drive away she called out to bid you a goodbye kiss. It was something that had your head in the cloud for days, a parting gift that made your insides all tingly and warm and now, you couldn’t wait to go see her. 

These last few weeks had been surreal, you two had been spending more and more time together, more intimate than being casual but could you really blame yourself? Hell, anyone would kill to be in your position. Larissa was the dream, she was everything and to be able to do these things to her, hold her hand, kiss her, make her smile were your absolute fantasy all coming true.

You worry sometimes, yes, that maybe things weren’t as real to her as it was to you and try as you might to ignore it, it dampened your mood all the same, but hey, she said she liked spending time with you if that was anything to go by.

Your phone pinged once you were off the expressway turning to a smaller road leading to Jericho. The notification showed “Not your wife” and your grin couldn’t get any bigger, you quickly swiped the notification and it redirected you to messages. Of course she didn’t know that was what you saved as her contact name, she didn’t need to know that or the one you save before that “friends with consequences” 

Not your wife:

Will you be coming over tonight? 

(Larissa was biting her lip when she sent that text)

Then three dots appeared. She was typing. You were glancing from time to time waiting but she never sent another text then it disappeared. So you quickly typed a short reply, “omw” 

You received a cute emoji showing thumbs up and you giggled, finding it oddly charming of her before it was followed by: “Careful driving. Be safe and keep your eyes on the road.”

–

She kissed you first, or maybe you did, it didn’t matter as you two ended up on the couch in the living room with her underneath you, her fingers playing with the hem of your shirt while her lips pressed open mouthed kisses all over your neck.

“Missed me too much?”

Larissa responded by stealing the breath out of your lungs and kissed you hard, “I think that confirms it,”

She was needy, you could tell, by the way she groped your chest once your shirt flung off and as much as it excites you and made your libido sprung to the roof, you couldn’t help the nagging thought that there was at least something wrong.

“I need you,” she had her hand on your waist while the other was busy expertly undoing your belt, “Please,” the way she pleaded against the skin your neck, her breath hot, as she shoved her hand under your pants had you grinding your hips against her, anything that was in your head quickly faded. 

And if you thought she had already caught you off guard, then you were mistaken because when she uttered the next words right into your ear that was when you completely lost it.

“Are you going to be a good girl and fuck mommy hard?” 

It was your turn to bury your face into her neck as you sucked a breath, “Yes, mommy.” as shiver ran down your spine and before you knew it, you shifted yourself, holding just the tip against her centre. 

“Wait. I need you to use this from now on every time you shift. Is that okay?”

“A condom? But…okay. Yes, of course.”

“Good girl,” 

You could do nothing but obey like a pet.

–

“Thank you. I needed that.” You were still on top of her, skin to skin. You had a proud smile on your face, her delicate fingers combing through your damp roots.

“I needed it, too.” She leaned, kissing the tip of your nose.

“There’s a store bought rotisserie chicken in the fridge, you can heat that up and I made salad. You know your way around, right?” 

“We’re not eating together?” The disappointment was too thick in your voice and Larissa tried to soothe the visible frown on your face by gently caressing your brow bone with her thumb.

“I still have a lot of work to do. The sooner you let me work, the sooner I am finished and after that I will be all yours. You think you can be good and wait for me while I work?”

The idea of her being all yours did a little bit of magic, casting away the frown as your blush deepened. 

“Yeah but can I stay in your office? I’ll be quiet. I’ll just probably read a book or something, please?”

A small smile flourished on her face, “We can give it a try.” Because knowing you, and herself, neither of you would last that long without being distracted and she really needed to work.

“Okay.”

You both laid for five minutes more, basking in the comfort of each other’s warmth and silence that engulfed the room bringing peace into your minds.

–

You kept your words and stayed quiet as possible, even the shifting to a new page was ever so silent. You didn’t know what you were reading, the words weren’t really processing at all but you needed it to keep your hands physically occupied to sell your act not that you think she was buying it anyway.

From time to time your eyes stray from the page of the book to the woman behind the desk, observing how the lines on her face deepened when she was making a face or how she would scoff while she read an email or something that definitely pulled a reaction from her. Which then made you giggle behind the pages especially when she would squint so hard before eventually leaning on the screen of her laptop because she was too stubborn to put her glasses on or the way she dominantly used her index finger to navigate her phone screen like any middle-aged person you knew.

It was all something you had grown so fond of over the months, you didn’t know if it was the obvious gaps in your ages that had you so drawn to her but that certainly played a part behind these reasons of why you were feeling more and more entangled with her like you could really see her staying in your life for good this time.

When you thought there was nothing for you anymore after losing your family to an accident just merely a week later when your girlfriend dumped you for some guy. You were ready to succumb to these bad habits. You had already started in fact. Your tolerance for alcohol was getting stronger and your fixation to cigarettes was growing out of control. You were wallowing in your own loss and depression day by day until she came and saved you. It literally felt like being scooped into her arms and being cradled on her lap while she spread tiny kisses all over your face.

When she walked in your parents’ house after the funeral you just…your mind took your back from your seventeen year old self.

The others were blocked in your head, their voice vaguely registering. You watched the crowd part, erupting into curious whispers and measuring glances.

Earlier that day as the caskets were getting buried, you had caught a fleeting glimpse of her, you blinked it away, too occupied with overwhelming loss and grief but when you saw her in clear daylight as the sun shone brightly, basking the room in the first golden rays of the sun after a gloomy rain dressed and accessorised in black strutting her way in the middle of the parted crowd, you couldn’t rip your gaze off even if you tried.

Something ignited within you that day. This hopeless, massive crush you had for her came back like it hadn’t been a decade since you last saw her and maybe yes, it would have been an awful timing yet you found it as a perfect distraction and she gladly provided that.

You remembered her smile, the soft hand she put on your shoulder and the little squeeze. You remembered not breathing and just awkwardly staring at her while she told you the fondest memory she had of your parents.

When the reception was over and mostly everyone had bid you their goodbyes, she lingered offering you help to clean the place.

And after that, maybe weeks or a month later, you reached out to her (thank God you didn’t lose the card she gave you) asking her out for a drink.

To your surprise, she agreed.

Larissa wasn’t around much when your parents were still alive and you were living on the same roof as them. She came to visit once or twice and you never spent much time with her, always locked up in your room or out with your friends, though there was this one particular night when she came for dinner wearing red suited for her skin and that smile and radiant eyes just spoke to you, they were stealing your attention and for the rest of the evening you couldn’t help but blush whenever she glance your way that was when you knew you had a crush on her

You didn’t think of it as inappropriate then, it was after all, just a silly crush. Something utterly foolish but she grew in your mind. You couldn’t forget about her until you were in your senior year in college, she was all you could think about while you kissed your professor. You craved to see that woman again.

And now you found yourself sitting in her chair, dozing off, the book slipping from your hand and onto the floor, the thud jolted your body to wake and so when you looked up Larissa was done and fixing her table.

“Are you alright?” she asked, 

You smiled weakly, “Yeah, I just startled myself.”

You got up, picked the book from the floor and settled it down on the seat. You were on your way to the connecting bathroom, feeling your bladder full. 

Larissa’s face was suddenly pale for whatever reason when you entered the bathroom, her heart pounding in her chest until you opened the door and emerged with a pout on your face.

“Is there something wrong?”

“I feel betrayed.”

“Pardon?”

“You didn’t get the hand wash I suggested you, you said you were gonna get it.” The woman looked visibly relieved, you didn’t think much about it, too busy pouting.

“I was supposed to but they didn't have it in stock. I’ll make sure to get it next time when they do. Is that it?”

“No. I hate to inform you that you’re not gettin’ somethin’ tonight.” 

She lifted a brow in question,

“My period started just right about now. I can’t believe my body will betray me like this, like man, can’t it wait until I’m outta here? Stupid organs.”

Period meant no shifting. Larissa let out a laugh, shaking her head softly and tilting to the side, a hand on her hip, standing like the statuesque woman she was.

“Who says I’m scared of blood?”

“Don’t be nasty, Miss Weems.”

You laughed and walked toward her, “Come on, let’s get some food in your system, lady.”

“You go ahead. I need to use the bathroom. I’ll be quick. Do heat up the chicken, yes?”

“That chicken better be good.”

—

The chicken was good, surprisingly so that you inhaled the whole thigh like a goddamn cannibal starved for meat. She watched you in the corners of her eyes, smiling down on her food while she ate her portion with more grace and actually chewing.

You did take her advice when Larissa told you to slow down before you choke. After dinner, you insisted on washing the dishes while she sat there with her legs propped up on another chair and enjoying a good glass of wine.

It was the last plate when you felt her, heard her moving, until eventually she was pressed behind you with her lips on your shoulder, the scent of wine strong in her breath.

You nearly dropped the plate in the sink, fingers gone cold and stiff; heart pounding in your chest. One of these days she’d legit give you a heart attack.

“You’re being so good to me,” there was no lust in her voice, only the kind of warmth that pleasantly stirred your guts. You wished it was the wine talking, though you knew that a single glass of red wouldn’t induce these thoughts.

Maybe this was the scary part. It was easier when her desires were prominent in her touch, the way it dripped down in her voice because you directly knew what she wanted. But when she was like this? You were out of words, you didn’t know how she wanted you to react and it wasn’t as simple as taking your clothes off every time she’d give you a hungry gaze.

“Don’t tell me, that me, doing the dishes do it for you,” you giggled, tearing some paper towels to dry your hands.

“Don’t get all cocky now if you don’t want to spend a night sleeping on the couch, dear.”

She would never do that. You turned around in her arms, giving her a pout.

“I very much doubt that. You won’t last long without begging me to come back to your bed.” 

Your faces were now mere inches apart, “I ought to teach you a lesson one of these days.”

“Oh, is that true, Principal Weems? Or should I say, mommy?” The last word was mouthed against her lips, not quite touching but close enough that you felt her body tensed.

You thought you won this little game but the smile was quickly gone when you felt her wrapped her hand around your throat. You swore your brain short circuited. Your thoughts, reduced to nothing.

She leaned, making sure her lips touched yours before she whispered, “Careful, sweet girl.

Your lips parted, welcoming hers as they collided with force. Soon, you were sucking on her tongue and feeling every inch of her.

“The wine tastes better in your mouth.”

Larissa beamed, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, “What should we do tomorrow?” She asked so sweetly as if her tongue hadn’t been shoved in your mouth moments ago.

“I wanna bake. It’s been long since I’ve kneaded something other than your ass or tits.” you hastily groped her ass.

Weems dramatically feigned a gasp, “Such a foul mouth, darling.” She tsked.

“Those words were not even one percent of the filthy things you’ve said to me.” 

It drew a smirk to her face, proving your words to be true. Her eyes narrowing down at you. 

“Should I remind you where my mouth has been lately?” You said, your fingers playing with the button of her blouse. The flirty lilt in your voice was easily matched with her eyes.

“Mhm.” It was all it took to get you down on your knees, one of her thighs prompted up to your shoulder.

“So wet already, huh? All of this is just for me, right?”

–

The bedroom lights were dimmed, Larissa was unpinning her hair, now in her robe as she sat in front of her vanity and you were laying with your stomach under on the bed, watching her. Her eyes met yours in the mirror, the expected blush creeped to your cheeks like the many times before.

“Tell me about your day, dear. Did Margie or Margaret—whatever her name is—make further advances on you?” 

“Her name’s actually Maggie, and yeah, kinda. She bought me another coffee and asked me if we could eat lunch together. I told her no, I kept the coffee though…”

“Mhmm, and what else?”

“Uh, she told me she’d wait? Like when I’m finally okay and all, which doesn’t make sense because I am okay—great even. And she said that I can come to her if I need a shoulder to cry on. She thinks I’m still grieving. She’s okay as a friend but past that? No thanks. I feel perfectly fine right here plus I’ve got more than a shoulder.”

The last sentence seemed to put a smile on her face so you smiled, too.

Once she was done and dressed, you scooted to your side of the bed to give her space. Larissa opened her arms, motioning for you to come closer so you did, wrapping your arms around her torso with your head nestled perfectly comfortable on her chest.

For months Larissa was firm on keeping things light, she never asked or demanded anything from you. She understood what she was, and where she stood. Your thoughts were your own for the longest, but as, whatever this was in between you, went on for longer than she was prepared for, she found herself caring for you enough to ask what she had been dying to since the beginning. 

“Do you miss them?”

Larissa felt the air grew heavy, not necessarily awkward, only it was hard for her to breathe when you went quiet like this. She could feel you thinking, so she held you tight, afraid you’d leapt out of her arms and bolt away.

Then you breathed the word out like a confession you had been keeping for so long that it’d break you if held it in for one more second, “Yes,”

“I’m sure they’re proud of the woman you have become.”

“I’m not so sure about that. They never approved of any of this. They viewed my happiness as a sin. So, no, I don’t think they are but it would have been nice if they did.”

There was so much hidden pain, well concealed by the smile that could have easily fooled her, but the long pauses and the way you avoided her gaze gave it away.

“Plus they didn’t want me pursuing my, you know, ability. They had always been appalled by the thought of having a freak daughter. They were a couple of hypocrites if you ask me. They celebrated others but they kept me in the dark. Always telling me to be normal. I never knew why they treated me like that.”

Larissa couldn’t believe this. Your parents were good people (now she doubted that) they attended charity events for the school and donated a fortune, they seemed enthralled by the outcast community so to hear this from you, she was heartbroken. To think that they did this to their own daughter… She hugged you closer, planting a soft kiss on the top of your head. Her heart was aching like it was a physical pinch.

“That's why I left the soonest I could. They were suffocating me.”

It was hell, that decision forced you to endure a heightened level of stress and struggles, it showed you what real exhaustion was like when you thought you had enough of it while sitting on your desk at two in the morning rushing to do your maths homework.

You wanted to laugh about it now until your belly hurts. You wanted your parents to see wherever on earth or beyond they were, that you were finally at peace, that you had somehow ended up with the decent life they said you could never have just because of you who were.

You caught yourself going too far with your thoughts when you felt Larissa gently squeezed you, wordlessly checking if you were okay.

“It’s fine. It was something I had to live with until I no longer needed to.”

Larissa chose the silence over further speaking out her thoughts. Your emotions were obviously high, she didn’t want it to reign over you although you were considerably calm but who knew what else was going on in your head right now and she’d rather not risk it.

Aside from holding you impossibly close, the shapeshifter sought for your hand and linked your fingers together making you grin like a fool against her. You weren’t big on physical intimacy before, thought of it as gross at some point, but that was because you didn’t have intimate relationships with anyone and seeing others do it without understanding what it really felt like made the idea so repulsive and overrated.

Now you craved it. You welcomed it as long as it was from her.

“Rissa?”

“Hm, yes?”

“I want blueberry pancakes for breakfast.”

The woman chuckled, the vibrations going straight to your ear, filling you with positive energy and so much happiness.

“Alright, we’ll have blueberry pancakes in the morning.”

“Thanks.”

–

Earlier that week…

“Larissa Weems?” She stood up from the waiting room as soon as she heard her name being called. 

The staff held out the brown envelope with a smile too pleasant for it to be true. It irked her. 

She had been on edge the second she came in, and so, Larissa didn’t return anything warmly, instead she was like a cat baring her teeth to anyone who’d dare to make small talk with her like the young couple who was sitting close to her talking her ears off.

She snatched the envelope too roughly with her gloved hand. She didn’t thank anyone or even offered a polite smile. As soon as she had it she went straight for exit leaving everyone stunned and exchanging looks. 

“Someone’s dick is getting cut off tonight.” Someone's husband joked, earning a jab on his ribs from his wife.

She heard that but she didn’t care.

Larissa sat in her car, it was still parked behind the clinic, she held the envelope and ripped it open. 

It was her copy of the results. HCG test results.

There were two pages, Larissa skimmed over the first part with her heart racing and her breath shaking.

Larissa was forced to hold her breath as she muttered the words aloud.

“hCG Level: 13 mUI/ml”

“An hCG level between 6 and 24 mIU/mL may require retesting or further evaluation.”

When she realized her period was delayed she pondered if this was what her Doctor debriefed from their last encounter as a premature menopause, however she lacked certain signs and symptoms to further support the idea.

That was how she knew she had to take the tests. So while you peacefully slept, Larissa took two from her cabinet and did it in her office bathroom.

They came out negative. Of course they were, she wanted to laugh at herself for thinking otherwise. It would have been impossible to conceive knowing you were biologically a female but at what extent did science draw the line? Especially if being an outcast affected it and some supernatural shit. 

She couldn’t be so sure so right after you left that morning, she drove to the next town and had it done there. 

She thought having it printed in papers with charts and numbers would make her feel better.

It didn’t.

-

Oooh so the results came and it's somehow tricky because it's not low enough to be negative but all not high enough to positive...

Hmmm and they're using condoms now 🫢

Anyway, thank you so much for everyone who had good things to say about this fic and to those who wanted another part :)) I appreciate it all :))

[specialagentlokitty]

Aizawa x daughter!reader - get through this together

Could you write a dadzawa in which he has a teen daughter (she is biological) but she is depressed and maybe she was thinking abould hurting herself but Aizawa stopped her? - Anon💜

TW: mentions of attempted self harm and depression

You had never been one to talk about your emotions, your struggles, and in a way you very much took after your dad in that sense.

You had been struggling for a while, and you were great at hiding it through smiles and laughter, always keeping yourself busy whether it was with friends, school work, hobbies, or spending time with you dad, there wasn’t many occasions you were alone.

But, like now, when you were alone you were forced to sit in your own company.

Sit with your own mind, and it slowly take over, the negative thoughts, the dark and twisted thoughts that you hated thinking about slowly ran riot around your brain.

Eventually you find yourself sitting in your bathroom, clutching tightly for any shred of happy thought or positive emotion that would help light your way from the darkness as tears ran down your face.

You had been struggling for so long, looking for anything that would help you, and nothing you tried ever worked, they always came back.

So, now you sit, a small but sharp knife you had taken from the kitchen, clutching it in a white knuckle grip.

You didn’t want to scar your own skin.

You didn’t want to be the reason that you were bleeding.

You didn’t want to actually do this.

But your brain was taking you too, almost screaming at you to.

It was telling you this was the only way you would feel normal, the only thing that would make it all better, that you should just do it because nobody would notice if you did.

Slowly the dark thought began to win the silent battle you were having with yourself, and you slowly raised it to your arm with a trembling hand.

You were so confused and focused on this you weren’t paying attention to anything else around you.

Which mean you didn’t know your phone had been ringing in your room, or the fact your dad had all but come running home from where he was stood trying to call you in the shop.

You didn’t know that he had searched the entire house for you until he saw you through the slight gap in the bathroom door.

Slowly he approached, kneeing down just in front of you and he wrapped his hands around yours holding the knife.

“No…” Aizawa spoke quietly.

You slowly up and looked at him, he wore a worried look on his face, his gaze fully fixated on the knife in your hand.

“Give me the knife…” he quietly commanded.

The moment your grip loosened on it he took it and slide it behind him, and he immediately started checking you for injuries.

“You’re okay… you’re okay…” he whispered.

Aizawa wasn’t sure if he was whispering it for your sake or for his, maybe it was for both of you, but he kept repeating it as he checked your arms.

When he didn’t see any wounds or any scars, he was quickly to pull you into his arms, pressing your head to his shoulder.

“I’m here… I’ve got you…” he whispered.

Something about those words just seemed to make the dam you had built inside of you snap, you threw your arms around Aizawa, and sobbed heavily into his chest.

His heart shattered at the sound of your sobs, and he held you tighter, resting his chin on the top of your head, running a hand up and down your back trying to comfort you.

“Let it all out kiddo… I’ve got you…”

As you carried on sobbing into your dad’s chest, he shuffled a little so he could sit down, pulling you against him so he could hold you in a tight but comforting embrace.

“Whatever you’re going through… whatever’s going on… we can get through this okay? Together. Just.. just never hurt yourself… please.. please never hurt yourself…” he spoke quietly.

“I’m sorry…”

Aizawa gently shushed you, holding you a little tighter.

“It’s okay… we’ll get through this okay? When you’re ready we’ll talk about whatever’s going on, about what we can do to help.”

You gave a small nod, and Aizawa let out a small breath, making sure to keep a tight hold on you.

He was fully prepared to sit with you all night, no matter how tired he was, or how early he had to be up tomorrow, you were the most important person to him, and if you had to sit in the bathroom floor all night, then that’s what he would do

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

ep 1. but i’ll miss you | myj, jjk

sugar, spice, and everything nice ep 1. but i'll miss you.

pairing(s): yoonji (fem!myg) x reader x jungkook

summary: Sugar? Min Yoonji. Spice? The woman at the park. Everything nice? Jeon Jungkook (he is freaking annoying, though). The accidental chemical X? Well, the woman in the park that Min Yoonji finds incredibly attractive is kinda-dating-definitely-fucking Jeon Jungkook. And he's very obviously in love with her.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; Yoonji is pansexual and still in the closet; internalized homophobia + moments of gay panic; ft. best friend group, OT6 (specifically Kim Seokjin, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung during the bowling hangout), best friend!Jung Hoseok is at military service (sad); f/f/m love triangle? slow burn; there will be smut in the future; non-idol!AU - Yoonji's POV

set in South Korea, Karrot is resale app for clothing, furniture, etc

--

“What does it taste like?”

That mere smile sent chills down her spine.

“Sweet.”

There was nothing to say to that. She looked away, not wanting to look into those eyes anymore. Didn’t ask for a bite. It wasn’t hers. It seemed to be a homemade dessert of soft silken tofu and heavy ginger syrup. The kind of sugar syrup that was heavier than the tofu. The dark viscous liquid dripped between the cracks of puffy white, seeping into the decadence, similar to the way those scorched eyes seemed to see past any defense Min Yoonji had.

She didn’t know how she got into this position, yet here she was.

Sigh.

Inwardly, she wished her best friend Jung Hoseok was here. He wasn’t because he was busy fulfilling his service of being a Korean man. Hmph. Well, Yoonji could have come alone. She had done it before. She was tough enough. But something about this this had given her a bad feeling, so she had asked if a friend could accompany her to help pick up the light fixture that she had found on Karrot.

That friend being Jeon Jungkook.

Shit, Yoonji really fucked up asking Jeon Jungkook.

“I’m sorry, noona, but something came up! I messed up my knee. I’ll send my friend instead. Don’t worry. You’ll be safe!”

Now she was sitting here on this park bench with the…

Woman.

Really, Yoonji didn’t even know her name. She knew her face, of course. Seen it enough times. Had never once thought to ask her name, mostly since Yoonji only saw her from a distance, said woman now often leaving Jungkook’s side whenever their friend group made time to meet up. Everyone teased him, your girlfriend? And this young, tall, tattooed punk would grin and not say anything. Jungkook was incapable of lying.

Just “keke,” and that was that.

Yoonji didn’t like it.

She was the only girl in her friend group. Probably equated to some internalized discourse if she bothered to go to therapy about it. But, during the time that she had been able to talk to a professional, she had kept the conversation about other people gender-neutral and without names. At the time, her relationships with others were all affected by her disconnected and toxic relationship with herself. She had to fix that first before moving forward. Back then, she had been suffering from the common syndrome of being depressed, stressed, and well-dressed.

Yeah.

Those rough years were not that funny, but at least Yoonji could joke about it now.

Anyway, about this woman.

This woman had actually showed up before her, sitting gracefully at the agreed-upon public park bench that Yoonji would soon encounter some stranger for an industrial-looking black chandelier that may or may not be real. The replies had been in broken Korean. Probably a foreigner using a translator. There was probably nothing to worry about, but the messages had been… weird. Asking about what Yoonji was doing after and such. No, she didn’t like it, and so she had asked Jungkook to accompany her. Dude looked like a tiger, his stripes being his multiple tattoos and facial piercings, but he had the soul of an adorable and vigorous bunny. Wouldn’t hurt anyone. Looked the part just in case anyone got the wrong idea. Boxed as well, for fun. But, instead of Jungkook, Yoonji was sent this woman who came with her snack of sweet tofu, silently and unashamedly eating it with a foldable spoon at the opposite end of the park bench.

Jungkook’s woman?

Who cares.

Was this worse or better than that punk? They dressed similarly, to be honest. The spoken-of woman was wearing all black. A baseball cap with an upside-down smiley face, leather jacket with matte-black metal spikes, charcoal baggy jeans, and a tight crop top with some kind of insane, probably satanic pattern on it. Yoonji snuck a peek. Circles and runes and horned devil heads, glossy print on fabric. Yup, downright hellish.

She abruptly realized she was staring at another woman’s tits and looked away immediately.

Clothed, but still.

This woman also sat like an insane person. Legs wide open compared to Yoonji’s crossed ones. Relaxed stance with a completely straight back. Refined and uncouth at the same time. It made no sense. Her hair curled around her shoulders and chin, loose and messy and intensely sexy.

She adjusted her cap and Yoonji darted her eyes around the park.

Looking for the seller.

Obviously.

Yoonji came dressed as she normally did. Comfortably, in a loose beige hoodie and similarly baggy slate blue jeans with rips in the knees. She wasn’t going to dress up for some musty dude and his lighting fixture, and definitely not for Jeon Jungkook. And not for Jungkook’s, uh…

Girlfriend?

Meh.

There was a strange shiver fluttering in her ribcage. Unease of being underdressed somehow, even though they were simply meeting up for this very specific task. They had not agreed to go anywhere after. Perhaps she would help carry the chandelier. Presumably it was broken down and in its box. Allegedly. Still, the box could be heavy. Yoonji checked her phone. Not time yet. Five more minutes. She had the brief thought that it could be possible for the seller to be late due to transporting a larger package. Awesome. Couldn’t wait for this continued awkward silence with her soft tofu devourer.

She sensed movement by her side.

The woman capped the now empty glass cup with a black plastic lid, foldable spoon inside it, and slipped the whole thing into her small backpack. She shoved it back to her side. Yoonji noticed there was photocard holder attached to it. She couldn’t see the artist since it had flipped around. The other side was black with some grey text on it. There was also a black strap with a grey flame hanging off the photocard holder. Huh. Seemed like she liked idols. At the very least music in general. Yoonji wanted to ask, but that seemed weird to bring up now.

“Jungkook tell you how he busted his knee?”

She almost jumped at the throaty, silken voice. Stopped herself. The other woman cleared her throat, her brows furrowing. It must have been due to the ginger syrup. Even with the slight distance, Yoonji had been able to smell the intense strength of the spice.

“Uh… no, he didn’t.”

The cap bobbed. “Hm. Good.”

Good?

Yoonji frowned. “What do you mean, good?”

Light shrug. “I can help you carry the box back to your place. I gotta head that way to go to the fitness store.”

The fucking one-eighty in topic didn’t throw Yoonji off in the slightest. She said enough by saying nothing. Yoonji watched the way those shaded eyes remained forward, not lifting her shoulders from the bench. Then those dark orbs shifted and suddenly Yoonji was stuck in a penetrating gaze with faint smile, feeling as if she knew something but didn’t really know it.

Those full lips were beautifully shaped.

Anyone would think that.

She bit her lip. Say something. “Why do you need to go to the fitness store?” Yoonji asked, chewing the dead skin off. It was a bad habit. Didn’t usually happen unless she was stressed.

The woman raised her hand. Graceful fingers. Neatly manicured nails. Dark purple with a cobalt blue shimmer. Could be a pianist’s hands, if it wasn’t for the almond-shape of those nails. Yoonji felt her own fingers tuck into the sleeves of her hoodie. She didn’t usually paint them. Kept her nails short due to her job, repairing and selling guitars. Of course, she was no poser and played them too. Sometimes, though, she thought about trying those fancy manicures girls had.

Then she remembered that wasn’t like her at all.

“I have carpal tunnel, so I have wrist compression braces. They’re getting kinda ratty. I wanted to buy some new ones.” She laughed, in a naughtily cheerful, almost bratty way. It was stupid attractive. “The people in the shop probably think I’m lifting weights but, nope. Just feeding my gaming addiction.”

Her eyes flickered up and down, checking out the other woman’s frame. Yoonji couldn’t tell the size of her arms but a vague assessment could be made from those thin pretty wrists and previous knowledge when viewing from afar. “You don’t look like you lift weights.”

“Hey, I’ve got some muscle.”

And much to Yoonji’s surprise, the woman brushed off the right shoulder of her leather jacket and flexed her arm, showing off the small hard lump of a bicep with a laugh. Not much there at all yet undoubtedly defined. She even smacked it with her left hand for sarcastic emphasis, and then pulled her jacket back on smoothly with a smirk.

“Only got that from jackin’ dick though.”

It was pretty funny, but Yoonji wasn’t laughing.

She was slack-jawed at the ease of vulgarity and the shameless confidence oozing out of every pore, suddenly realizing the reason why Jungkook was with this woman. Her rapid heartbeat choked her throat as her brain mentally replayed the swift, seamless movement of black leather falling off that slim shoulder. That accompanying playful smirk. The devious mirth in those scorched eyes.

That aggressive smack that did… something.

At that second, there was a cheery jingle that sounded from the woman’s jeans.

“That’s the time you said the seller is supposed to be here,” she said, fishing out her phone and turning off the alarm. “Where is he?”

Grateful for having an excuse to look away, Yoonji aimlessly swiped at her phone screen to keep her hands busy. “Let me check my messages.” Not getting flustered about it. Definitely not.

She had to face reality.

She’s straight.

At any rate, this woman and Jungkook were undeniably fucking. There was no question about that. Too many times it felt like Jungkook was arriving at the gatherings with a big grin and better mood after being seen with her. That was the face of a man getting laid, for sure. Whatever. Yoonji didn’t care about her friends’ dating or sex lives. It wasn’t her business. Most of the time the girls weren’t even her type.

Most of the time.

Not that she had a type. Or anything.

In this current season of life, she had already come to terms with her sexual orientation. Yoonji had known all her life that she was who she was. There had been no internal struggles about if it was true or not. It was. Still, there was no reason to directly say anything to anyone about it. After all, so far she had only dated and had sex with men. Most of her friends were men too. Status quo could remain since there was no good reason to challenge it. She also wasn’t the type to act on impulse. Not with the delicate line that was this. Yoonji had mentioned it to Hoseok at some point. Being the smart man he was, Hoseok had advised that her sexuality was something she didn’t have to broadcast if she didn’t want to. But, if she needed to do that to feel like herself, then he assured her that their friend group would be accepting of whatever choice she made.

And if not, he would kick them out.

She had felt very appreciative about that. However, the topic of her sexuality never came up in conversation with her friends, so Yoonji had never voiced or alluded to anything about it to the other guys. It wasn’t necessary, so she remained in her comfortable little bubble. She had not yet felt compelled to search for a community or meet specific people. It seemed troublesome. She was content with her current friends and her daily life kept her busy. Besides, there was no one to risk it for.

Certainly not for Jungkook’s…

Um.

Friend-with-benefits.

“What did he say?’

Yoonji jumped as the woman scooted closer, indicating her screen with the open Karrot app. She looked down, the realization setting in.

“The… The profile is deleted?”

The sudden annoyance and rage overpowered any uncomfortable feelings. Listing disappeared. Profile deleted. Even the in-app messages erased because the seller didn’t exist. The fuck? Ugh, that deal was too good to be true. It didn’t even exist. Must have been a cowardly creep that was watching them right now and lost his nerve since Jungkook’s friend was here perched like a bird of prey. Yoonji felt a growl boil in her chest. All this for nothing.

“Aw, man, it was fake? That sucks.”

Holy fuck, she smells good.

Like warm coffee with a sensual depth.

Wait, what?

“Hm, well, I won’t bother you any more then. I’ll go some other time to the fitness store. These things happen,” the woman sighed in disappointment, standing up and stretching, her small backpack and photocard holder swaying. Some guy in a leather jacket. At the moment, Yoonji was too furious to note who the idol was. “Get yourself something nice to eat, Min Yoonji. You’re already out.”

She frowned.

“Hey, I never caught your name.”

Those predator eyes flickered back. “Oh? I figured Jungook would tell you.”

Why is she playing games? “It never came up,” she snapped back.

That fucking smile.

Yoonji hadn’t known it then, but she had already fallen down the rabbit hole at this point.

“Ah, don’t get mad at me. I just thought it was kinda funny Jungkook would keep it from you. Wonder why.” Light shrug with her thumbs slipping into her pockets. “I should teach him to have better manners. My name is…”

-

“Come hang out with us, noona. It’s okay.”

“No, no, I don’t want to intrude. I would only be in the way.”

“But I’ll miss you.”

A small, coy smile. An elegant hand reached up and tucked a bit of black hair back under the beanie. The smile grew wider as those manicured fingers lingered by an ear adorned with five lobe earrings. A chain connected the first and last in the line. Flashy for someone who didn’t have a flashy personality – at least, not to strangers.

Min Yoonji watched Jeon Jungkook wiggle childishly, tugging on the sleeve of a black denim jacket covered with gothic patches. Skulls and cats and devils. Shit like that. When the woman stood next to Jungkook, they visually suited each other well. The younger man wore a grey beanie, a loose black silk shirt patterned with flourishing white text tucked into baggy, ripped jeans, and a simple black belt. Chunky black boots that matched the chain-covered heeled ones his companion was wearing. Underneath the patch-covered denim jacket, she wore a tight-fitted, dark grey jersey minidress that showed off her attractive and clearly feminine figure.

She knew she shouldn’t, and yet Yoonji still lingered by the other side of the bus stop LED advertisement, eavesdropping on the conversation between Jungkook and his mystery-title friend.

The stop was located right outside the brightly-lit bowling alley that she was supposed to be meeting her friend group at. Uncharacteristically, Yoonji had ended up late due to a train delay. She had skipped the bus ride and had run to her destination. There had also been reports of a minor road accident and Yoonji wasn’t going to wait any more. Besides, she had worn sneakers, jeans, and a white hoodie, along with a black ball cap with some distressed detailing. Nothing fancy.

Or ladylike.

She was meeting a bunch of dudebros anyway.

“You know, most guys would be happy to ditch an annoying girl to hang out with their friends,” the woman was saying, chuckling as Jungkook swung her arm in an arc.

“But you’re not annoying,” he was saying, spinning her around as if they were dancing. “Ah, I don’t even wanna go bowling anymore…”

The woman poked Jungkook on the side of the head, still letting him tug her around. How bothersome was that? But she acted as if he was being totally normal and not causing a bunch of passerby stares. “Don’t be like that. Besides, you have an addiction.”

And then, much to Yoonji’s surprise, Jungkook dropped the woman’s hand and reached out to hug her.

Except his hands were on the woman’s ass.

Yoonji frowned.

Idiot.

“Mhm, I do…”

“Get off me,” the woman laughed, her hands cradling his head. Yoonji got the impression that she didn’t mean it in a cruel way, especially since she was feathering kisses over Jungkook’s cheeks. Or it sounded like that. Her current angle wasn’t great. “If your friends see, they’re gonna tease you.”

“Who cares? They’re just jealous.”

No, I’m not.

She hadn’t said it out loud and yet Yoonji tensed, feeling heat rush over her cheeks.

Never mind.

“Aww, okay, okay, I’ll go now. I can come over tomorrow night, right?”

A wonderful, exasperated laugh. “Don’t you have work? You need to sleep.”

“Sleep is for the weak,” Jungkook huffed, detaching himself and backing up. “I’m gonna come over.”

“And I’m not gonna stop you. See you, silly boy.”

She yanked her body back behind the advertisement as Jungkook grinned and ran off into the bowling alley. He wasn’t the type to walk like a normal human being. But who cared about that? What did Yoonji just witness? Of course, she had seen her friends in relationships before. The handsome and elusive Kim Taehyung had maybe one or two serious relationships. The ever-so-flirty Park Jimin was notorious for dating around. Educated literary fiend Kim Namjoon had a girlfriend for a long while. It had ended badly. Her best friend Jung Hoseok had friends of all genders and various stages of depth in those relationships. Hoseok himself was protective of his heart but not opposed to giving love. As far was Yoonji knew, goofy and well-off Kim Seokjin hadn’t dated yet, however, she wouldn’t be surprised. That worldwide handsome face constantly attracted people.

And Jeon Jungkook?

He had the bad boy look, but never got close to anyone. He flirted, relentlessly, but always backed out when it got serious. All that looked pretty damn serious to Yoonji, though. That was good. Right?

Except.

It was early evening, but Yoonji felt strangely cold.

Shouldn’t I be happy for him? What’s wrong with me?

“Eh?!”

The gasp cut through her thoughts and she jumped back, startled, snapping her head up to…

Oh.

“Min Yoonji?”

Oh, shit.

Her lips were moving. Nothing was coming out. That was very unlike herself, what is wrong with me, her cheeks blaringly warm, and Yoonji finally got her name out, bluntly, instinctively tipping her head in respectful greeting while also feeling the dire need to hide her face.

“Oh, shit, my bad. I freaked you out, huh? Sorry. I didn’t expect to see you on the other side of the bus stop. Did you only just get here? Jungkook already went inside,” the woman was saying, and Yoonji found she couldn’t look her in the face for some reason.

I know. I mean, what?

“Sorry, again. Uh. You’re standing in front of the schedule. Huh. Looks like there’s a delay.”

What the fuck is wrong with me?

“My bad,” Yoonji quickly mumbled, sliding to the side. “You came here with Jungkook again, huh?”

A pause.

Why did I say it like that? Yoonji winced, resisting the urge to slap some common sense into herself. She lifted her head, realizing the way her tone must have sounded, searching for the woman’s expression under the brim of the cap. Something flitted over those features. As soon as it was faintly visible, the unknown emotion was gone, replaced by a faint smile. Wisps of wild hair casted shadows over those cheekbones due to the oncoming sunset. People were rushing past. Conversations, purposes, desires, but suddenly all Yoonji could see was the endless darkness of those scorched eyes framed by smoked lashes.

“Do you like Jungkook romantically, by chance?”

What!

“No!”

The word shot out of her mouth with such force that Yoonji backed up, shocked at her own reaction. The other woman looked taken aback, tilting her head, and there was no way to save this situation, stuck, frozen in this mortifying moment, completely forgetting her previous engagement.

Those plush pink lips looked like they had been kissed all night.

By Jungkook?

A sting dug deep into Yoonji’s heart.

“Oh, I thought…” An awkward laugh, and the woman readjusted the black strap of her bag over her chest. “I got the impression you didn’t like me because I’ve been stopping by with Jungkook lately. My bad. Didn’t mean to ask so bluntly like that. It was on my mind, though. I should get going. Have a good evening, then.”

A gentle wave.

A turn.

And before she knew what she was doing, Yoonji reached out and grabbed that denim sleeve.

“Wait.”

Those scorched eyes full of shadows returned and she found herself breathless at the sight of them.

She had to force herself to speak.

“You should come bowling with us. I’m always the only girl. It would be nice if…”

The goosebumps danced all over her skin. It was like asking someone out of a first date, except this person actually made her nervous and there was going to be a bunch of other people there, including the one was she probably actually dating.

“Would be nice if you hung out with us too, sometimes.”

Yoonji knew she should have added, Jungkook would be happy to see you. She didn’t for some reason. No, she knew the reason, but she bit back those thoughts and let go of that sleeve, not wanting to be too pushy about it. Chewed on her lip, peeling away at dry skin. The other woman seemed to contemplate for a second and shrugged, chuckling.

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll go with you.”

It was at this moment that Yoonji knew.

She fucked up.

Too late now.

-

It wasn’t that bad.

There was some confusion, yes. Introductions, casual banter. Yoonji noticed that Jungkook seemed both surprised and a little hurt. What for? But then the woman went to stand next to him and whispered in his ear. He seemed much more satisfied after that. Yoonji busied herself with paying and picking out the right size for her bowling shoes. It was dark in here. Minors were no longer allowed since the bar was opening. The alleys were lit up with scattered color. Mood lighting. Jungkook loved that shit.

Yoonji noticed that they didn’t hold hands.

Interesting.

The women paid and was handed the beige and black bowling shoes. Their group was smaller today, just Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook, and Seokjin. Honestly, Yoonji would have dropped out if Seokjin wasn’t coming with. The other three were younger and they were noisy. Kim Seokjin was loud as fuck too, but he was reasonable and matched Yoonji’s energy when she was feeling drained of the other three. The woman was chatting with Seokjin. They seemed to know each other to some extent. Why does everyone seem to know you but me? That wasn’t a fair assessment. Taehyung and Jimin were jostling Jungkook around, teasing him probably. They didn’t seem as familiar with her.

Hm.

The next notable moment was when they were sitting down and changing shoes. Yoonji glanced over, seeing her unzip her boots. Normal. Shifting line of vision. The hem of that tight dress was hiking up those soft thighs. Well, she hadn’t dressed to go bowling, after all.

Yoonji paused, wondering if she should say something.

Then, all of a sudden, Jungkook’s jean-covered butt was blocking her vision.

Hey!

Clicked her tongue, busying herself with the shoes. He didn’t have to do that. Nothing was happening here. The music was so loud that Yoonji found she couldn’t hear their conversation. Annoying. Until…

“Oh! You have Gengar socks!”

“They’re cute! Is Gengar wearing a pumpkin? Haha, it’s not Halloween though!” Taehyung was laughing.

“Aw, who cares.? You can’t see them anyway,” Jungkook’s lady was chuckling, yanking on the bowling shoes. “It’s Halloween every day in my heart.”

“I didn’t know you liked cute stuff, noona,” Jimin teased. “You seem so tough, but you’re a big softie, huh? Of course, you must be if you like our Jungkookie!”

“Bleh, shush,” came the exasperated sigh and hand wave. “The real tough one is Seokjinnie over here for putting up with you guys.”

Yoonji frowned. The two of them must be somewhat familiar for her to address Seokjin with such familiarity. It came up in conversation later, after a few strikes and pleas with a higher power to give Jimin better aim (no higher power answered but Taehyung did accidentally bowl for Jimin, uh huh). Apparently, Seokjin and Jungkook’s friend had met online through an online team-based game. Yoonji didn’t play video games because she wasn’t good at them. At least, compared to her friends. She was fine with watching though.

“You’re doing great today. You must have eaten something good.”

Yoonji gave Seokjin the side-eye. “Or maybe you’ve gotten worse. Online video games aren’t the same as a physical sport.”

“Hey! It’s all hand-eye coordination. Same, same!”

“At this rate, even Jimin will overtake you.”

Seokjin’s handsome face twisted in indignation. He had the kind of facial features that were model-envy if he wasn’t contorting them to some ridiculous expression. Like right now. “He cheated and made Taehyung bowl for him!”

“I did not!”

“Oh, really?”

She ignored their squabbling, only to freeze up once she realized who was sitting next to her.

“I’m pretty sure I’m doing the worst right now,” came the wry chuckle. “Thankfully, Jungkook shielded my pride and typed in Gengar instead of my name.”

“You’re doing okay,” Yoonji said quietly, glimpsing to her left. She caught the scent of something warm and tangy. Perfume.

O… Oh.

“That’s very nice of you to say, but I’m fifty points behind Jimin.” A sigh. “I think it’s my manicure. I should cut my nails a bit. They’ll grow back.”

Then, much to Yoonji’s surprise, the woman leaned over and unzipped her bag, moving things around.

“W-Wait, really?” Turned and she really was pulling out a small silver nail clipper and a cerulean blue glass nail file. “It’s just a bowling game. It’s not that serious.”

The other woman craned her head and lined up her the nail of her middle finger with the clipper. “Yeah, but I’m not really trying,” she was saying. Snip! “I don’t really like that. if I’m gonna lose, I should at least lose trying my best.”

Yoonji watched in stunned fascination as the woman trimmed down her black cherry manicure on three nails on what seemed to be her dominant hand. Middle finger, ring finger, and thumb. Only those. She left the index and pinky in their pointed almond shape. She held up her hand after, graceful fingers spread out.

O-Oh.

“I… I’m going to the bathroom for a sec.”

“Oh, okay, I’ll–”

But Yoonji didn’t stop to listen, walking away quickly, quickly, into the women’s bathroom and closing the stall door, doing nothing but immediately pinning her back to the door and exhaling hard. Ragged. Rough. What is wrong with me? She knew what was wrong. Yoonji placed her palms over her mouth and forced out another breath. There was flushing and water splashing and currently popular pop music drowning out the more unpleasant noises, but Yoonji was too busy trying to calm down the screaming in her head. This was bad. This was really bad. She had watched enough girl-on-girl porn to know… No. Obviously, Jungkook’s friend was going to clip the nails of her middle and ring finger. Those were the ones to hold the bowling ball. There was nothing more to it.

Just a coincidence.

Don’t be delusional.

This would be much easier if it was a man. Yoonji knew how to be cool and calm when it came to guys. Besides, the male mindset was too airheaded to pick up on subtlety anyway. But, what if a woman could…? She had already caught on to Yoonji acting weird earlier. Even thought she had romantic feelings with Jungkook. Pfft. Absurd. That kid was grown up now, but he was still only a bright-eyed eager bunny. No amount of tattoos or piercings would ever turn Jeon Jungkook from prey to predator, although he could look the part with enough working out. Jungkook was certainly her type when it came to looks but as far as personality, Yoonji was sure she would be worn out by Jungkook.

Wait.

Yoonji froze.

What?

She pushed her hair back. Another tick that happened due to her nervousness. Ha. Haha. I did not just think that about Jeon Jungkook. No. No, no, she was simply confused. That was all. Confused and working though who-the-fuck-knows-what. No. This had to stop. You have to compartmentalize this shit. This couldn’t keep happening. Stop acting weird. Pull yourself together. When it came down to it, Yoonji had to step out of this stall and chill the fuck out.

She couldn’t let it show.

Nobody is stopping you from getting off to her later.

Yoonji told her brain to shut up and left the stall.

-

Once their bowling game was over, the adults moved on to bigger and better things.

“You want the Gengar, right?”

“I don’t want anything. I don’t trust these things. Don’t waste your money.”

“Don’t be like that, noona. She totally wants the Gengar,” Taehyung talked over her, shoving in tokens so Jungkook could attempt the claw machine. Jimin stood at the far corner of the machine and pointed animatedly, calling to move a little more left, no, right, no, back more. Seokjin snorted at him to shut up. Yoonji watched as Jungkook failed, his broad shoulders dropping heavily as the round bright purple plush slid out of the metal claw and plopped back into the mound of colorful plushies, face-first onto its teasing red eyes and big grin.

“One more time,” Jungkook insisted.

“You don’t–”

She watched the younger man turn to the woman and pull a big pout. There was an exchanged glance between them. A muscle in Yoonji’s face twitched. This had been Jungkook’s third time trying to get something from the claw machine. Their group was crammed in a corner of the arcade in the bowling alley, a couple drinks in, squabbling for a damn Gengar plush for their newcomer. It wasn’t the situation that was bothering Yoonji, but rather how adamant Jungkook was that it had to be him winning it.

This guy is so freaking annoying.

Yoonji reached between their bodies and jammed her own tokens in.

“Go ahead, then.”

She shoved Jungkook’s shoulder and broke the shared gaze between him and his lady friend. Jungkook snapped his head to the machine, startled as the lights flashed and the red timer came on, letting out a surprised yelp as he fought to move the clunky claw back to the faceplanted Gengar.

He had never tried so hard before for his other friends.

Hmph.

“Oh, shit! YAH!”

“LET’S GOOOOOOO!”

“Taehyung, stop yelling!”

“Well, shit. You did it.”

“I told you I would,” Jungkook roared triumphantly, yanking out the purple Pokémon plush and holding it up like a prestigious award. “Da-dang!”

“Fourth time’s a charm?” she laughed as Jungkook grabbed her hands and spun them palm up to delicately rest the incredibly round Gengar plush on them. Yoonji noticed he didn’t linger and pulled away quickly. “Thank you, then, haha.”

Seokjin, Jimin, and Taehyung were acting like Jungkook had just won a damn rice cooker on a prestigious game show, crowding around him and giving him high fives. Yoonji shook her head, glad it was over, and felt a hand on her shoulder. Froze as she looked up to scorched eyes twinkling brightly in neon lights of the arcade machines.

“Here. Sorry you had to use your tokens for me.”

Yoonji tried to push back to the coins suddenly placed in her palm. “No, it’s fine, I don’t–”

“I wouldn’t want to owe you.”

“I–”

Then she froze, realizing her hands were clasped around the other woman’s right. Holding the Gengar plush in her left, tucked underneath her breasts. The naughtily cheerful grin was aimed straight at Yoonji, silently laughing as if it had seen and knew everything. Before she could react, a handful of coins was dumped in her palm and her fingers were closed around it, pinned by a dark cherry manicure. Middle, ring, and thumb trimmed short.

Her heartbeat shot up to her throat.

“Yoonji-noona, come play this one with me!”

Her head snapped up. The other woman smiled at her calmly. Park Jimin grabbed Yoonji’s sleeve and dragged her to a racing game. That didn’t mean anything. It didn’t. I wouldn’t want to owe you. Why not? What was wrong with her? What was so much better about dork-ass Jeon Jungkook who was sucked into playing Tekken versus Kim Taehyung without a second thought? The other woman turned away and went to stand behind Jungkook, next to their consistent heckler Kim Seokjin, still holding onto the Gengar plush. Yoonji turned to sit down next to Jimin, suddenly mad she didn’t think of the claw machine first, why, she could have done it in less tries, she was sure of it.

“You alright?”

“What?” she snapped.

Jimin raised his eyebrows at her. Yoonji stilled. Somehow, Jimin always knew something was up. Oh, he did care if his friends were having a hard time. He also low-key lived for drama. High-key, even. He was a sneaky bitch behind an innocent face. Instead of answering, Yoonji jammed tokens into the machine, both for Jimin and herself, and cocked her eyebrow back at his suspicious, searching expression, placing her hands on the steering wheel.

“I’m gonna smoke ya,” she declared.

“I haven’t yet – HEY!”

Yoonji absolutely demolished him in the virtual race. Twice. Get rekt, Jimin-ah.

-

Sulky.

Well, no. Not really.

A little bit.

Ugh, fine.

Min Yoonji silently admitted she was sulky.

Just trying to figure out what was so great about Jeon Jungkook. She flicked through his Instagram, not impressed. It was a pretty dead account, as Jungkook had been very into keeping an aesthetic layout for a few months and then promptly abandoned the account when he got tired of it. He had commitment issues. The aesthetic he had chosen was the digital photo, found film vibe that had been popular when the kid was literally in elementary school and probably had no idea what social media even was. His TikTok was somewhat similar, with lots of effects and editing in the short videos. Also mostly abandoned, although Yoonji suspected his accounts were more for lurking and liking stuff than displaying himself.

Jungkook had a few candid, artsy photos of him shirtless that Yoonji wished she hadn’t seen.

Hah, why post that if you can’t even provide a decent picture?

She found that she was lingering on a side profile photo of him for a few seconds. Black and white. Ghost of a smile on his lips and his short black hair messily over his crinkled eyes. From this angle, one could see the definition of his jaw and the mole on his neck, plus the three piercings on his left ear. His shoulder was bare, a medium-weight linked chain loosely hanging on his neck.

Abruptly, Yoonji swiped away.

He doesn’t have a single photo of her on here.

There were occasional photos that included Jimin and Taehyung, (including one of Jimin’s hand photobombing a seriously poised Taehyung, Yoonji could recognize that tiny pinky anywhere), but not really anyone else. This didn’t surprise Yoonji too much, as over half of the photos were scenery shots, but surely a photo of a pretty woman would get likes? She frowned, then froze. There was a reel posted way down there, towards the beginning of the account’s creation. At first, it hadn’t caught her attention since the photo was a black screen, but then she clicked on it and listened to the audio. It was someone playing guitar.

But not just anyone.

After about ten seconds of black screen, the camera lifted from its spot and it showed Min Yoonji several years ago, leaning over a black acoustic guitar, playing a melody she had made up on the spot. She remembered that night. She had been at Kim Namjoon’s house, they had gotten drunk, and Jeon Jungkook had shown up at three in the morning for who-the-hell-knows-what reason. She had brought her guitar that night on a low-key depressed whim. Namjoon dabbled in music too, sometimes, not just produced it, so Yoonji occasionally brought her guitar to play for fun. They were longtime friends.

She hadn’t noticed that Jungkook had filmed her.

The caption read, music that makes you fall in love.

“… What?”

It had startled her so much that she hadn’t even realized she spoke out loud.

Ah, what was she thinking? This was years ago. Past was in the past. There wasn’t anything else interesting on here. Funnily enough, the specific melody Jungkook had complimented, Yoonji had turned into a breakup song. Sure, she had never really published her music past her SoundCloud, but she still made songs for fun even though she wasn’t trying to become an idol or anything of the sort. Would be cool to be a producer though.

It was only a damn reel.

There was no serendipitous shit going on here.

Yoonji rubbed her eyes. They were close, yes. Jungkook often came to her for practical life advice when Namjoon was a bit too philosophical. His words, although Yoonji could agree. She was known as the pragmatic one in the group. Something she learned in therapy, actually. Focusing on what could be done right now instead of fixating on the what-ifs of the future. The youngest did exasperate her sometimes, however it was an endearing kind of exasperation that she welcomed. He, unlike some other young people, expressed his gratitude often.

He called her cute often, too.

Not that… Not that other people didn’t. Hoseok did all the time. Well, Yoonji did go to Hoseok a lot for outfit opinions when she had an occasion. Jungkook also expressed skinship, usually resting his head on Yoonji’s shoulder or putting a hand on her back, even though he didn’t usually imitate with other people. Physical touch was not something Yoonji liked. She tolerated it if it was Jungkook, but he really hadn’t been touchy since…

Wait.

Why the fuck was she thinking about Jungkook?

This ain’t about you!

Right. So, anyway, since Jungkook had started seeing this woman, he hadn’t posted her on his social media, hadn’t initiated physical touch with Yoonji, and expressed neediness when the two were alone but treated the lady like a friend when in front of his friends. He didn’t even invite her to their gatherings despite having many opportunities, yet also specifically made them all wait for him to win her a plush prize that directly related with her interests.

Which all equated to Jeon Jungkook sending the most confusing batch of mixed signals Yoonji had ever analyzed.

A muscle in her face twitched.

Yoonji chewed on her lip. She wondered if she should scroll through those Jungkook was following to maybe find the woman’s account. Was that going too far? Sure, social media profiles were generally public, but actively looking for someone for dubious reasons seemed wrong. Not that her reasons were dubious.

Right.

She looked back to her phone screen.

It was somehow displaying a photo of Jungkook’s naked back. Again, black and white. Standing in a gym. The background was slightly blurred, but the hint of Jungkook’s toned front was unmistakable. Yoonji frowned and swiped it away, scrolling distractedly. She didn’t think about him like that. He was a dork. The woman he was dating was smoking hot. Were they dating, though? That was the whole point of this investigation. For fuck’s sake. Although Jungkook gave the impression he was a playboy, Yoonji knew he wasn’t. He didn’t have the damn attention span to be a player and he was obviously scared of hurting other people’s feelings. Still, there weren’t any telltale signs of them dating-dating. Which shouldn’t bother Yoonji anyway, because she didn’t get involved in her friend’s dating lives, so why the fuck did she care?

Plus, she’s probably straight.

Jungkook was a pretty manly man.

But what if she’s not?

There was literally nothing Yoonji could work off of in that regard except for the look in those dark scorched eyes when she closed her hand around Yoonji’s hand, holding her tight and within direct eye contact. There was literally not a single reason for her to believe that look meant anything other than what was said.

And yet.

I’m being delusional.

Jungkook and her looked good together. Yeah. They were probably gonna work out. Uh huh. It was just rough for her because this was one of the first few real moments that Yoonji felt strongly attracted to someone outside of purely sexual reasons.

Woah.

Woah, hold on there.

She knew for a fact she liked women sexually. Her porn history was enough evidence of that. She had been attracted to women she had met over the years, sure, but never had Yoonji pursued a woman, both because of the social stigma and also because she figured only doing it for the sexual desire seemed wrong. If anyone found out, Yoonji didn’t want to feel like it was for nothing.

So why am I stalking Jungkook on Instagram just for a glimpse of her?

And Yoonji couldn’t like her. She barely knew her. Right? They couldn’t have developed any emotional connection in their very minimal interactions. Yoonji placed her phone down, backing away from it like it was a bomb. These impulses… She couldn’t stop thinking about the woman holding the Gengar next to her chest. Couldn’t stop thinking about Jungkook dancing her around on the sidewalk. Couldn’t stop thinking about the woman casually eating her dessert in the park as if she owned the whole damn world.

Did Yoonji want to be her?

Or did she want to be with her?

Yoonji hadn’t allowed herself to fantasize yet because fantasizing about a real person felt much more abhorrent than a total stranger. It was a door she couldn’t bear to open yet. And, worse.

She didn’t know if she could stop if she started.

-

ep 2. what a shame. (see you friday) sugar, spice, and everything nice

--

min yoonji masterpost | masterpost

[ghostofhyuck]

Dark Fantasy Series 1

Ghost! Mark Lee x Tourist! Reader

Summary: The North city is eerie, believed to be haunted, and yet, it’s flocked with tourists. You found yourself alone in the midst of the busy city — or perhaps not. Especially when you met Mark Lee who gave you more than what you need. 

Word count: 3.7k

TW: contains suicide and death. Read at your own risk.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“Now, up next is the Northwest Plaza Hotel. It was built during the 1920s, a prestigious hotel that hosted parties and was patronized by our presidents. It was destroyed during the war and while there were attempts to restore the hotel, some guests didn’t have a pleasant stay due to the paranormal experiences they felt.” 

You watched as the flock of tourists entered the abandoned hotel. You can hear the blaring echo coming from the guide’s megaphone, still giving information about the hotel. You entered the lobby area and you couldn’t help but feel goosebumps around your neck. As if someone’s watching you. 

“There are only a few areas where we are allowed, so please do not stray further. There’s an entrance on the left side where the garden is located, you may go there to take pictures too.” she added. 

That was your cue, you separated from the group and entered the garden. You found yourself surprised by how well-maintained the garden is. The grass is green as if it’s being watered daily, pinecone trees stood tall, covering you from the heat of the sun even though the weather’s always cold in the North, and small stray flowers field some areas. There were a few benches around, so you decided to sit on the nearest that you can find and just let the ambiance relax you for a moment. 

It was an impulsive decision of yours to run away from your home and take a one week vacation in the North. You couldn’t help it. Everything is overwhelming you and somehow, you don’t know where you feel safe anymore. You went to the bus terminal and chose the nearest bus to arrive — which is the bus going north. 

You knew about the North city. Not only is it famous for its cold weather and peaceful ambiance, it is also believed to be one of the most haunted cities in your country. You don't believe in the supernatural, that’s why there’s nothing for you to be scared about the North city. You’ve been here for a day and so far, there’s nothing eerie that happened to you. 

“You seem to be thinking deeply —” you let out a startled scream when a voice disturbed your thoughts.

You turned around and saw a guy, who’s about your age. He’s wearing long white sleeves and a checkered cotton vest. You found his outfit a bit out of date but there’s a small smile on his lips. 

“Are you the type of person who just approaches people and talks to them?” you asked with a rude tone. 

He shrugs, “I’m just curious about what's bugging your mind.”

You know guys and their attempts at flirting. His may be old-fashioned but it’s not going to work on you. 

“Why would you care —-”

“You know what they say to the people who go to the North alone? They’re either depressed, heartbroken, or in need of healing. I wonder which one you are.”

You were surprised by what he said. You found yourself staring at him who only gives you a small smile. 

“What do you think?” you asked instead, not even wondering why the question slipped out of your mouth. 

He tilts his head as if he was scanning you. You found yourself locked onto his bright eyes, his soft smile still painted there. You can feel your ears heating up. For a stranger, he surely is good-looking. 

“You want to run away don’t you?” 

You felt your heart skip a beat. How is that, he was able to read you? 

“So I guess I’m right?” 

You were about to say something when someone tapped your shoulder. You turned around and saw that it was the guide, she only looked at you with a worried smile on her face.

“Don’t stray too far, remember?” she told you, and before you could say anything, she’s pulling you back inside. You glanced once again at the stranger but you found nothing but the empty garden. 

“We don’t want our tourists to be haunted by wandering spirits,” she gives you a wink and with that, she goes back in front where the other tourists are. You were surprised with her action but at the same time, it piqued your curiosity. What did she mean by that? 

As you tour around more to the upper floors of the hotel, you couldn’t help but to be more curious about your encounter at the garden. As you attempt to take a peak from the windows, there’s nothing but the pinecone leaves covering your view. 

You left the hotel without your questions being answered. The tour bus dropped you at the city’s center where your hotel is located. It was six pm. The night is slowly creeping and the streets are becoming more busy. You could only let out a sigh. You couldn’t help but to be curious about the stranger earlier. You found his presence mysterious and intriguing. You wanted to know how he was able to read you, and who he is after all. 

So with your mind fogged with all the thoughts, you hailed a taxi, convincing the driver to take you back to the Northwest Plaza Hotel. 

Upon arriving, you felt the ghostly presence of the hotel. It stood broadly against the gleaming moon of the night. But you braved yourself to enter the area with your phone’s flashlight to serve as a light. There were no guards around the area, which you found odd. As soon as you entered the lobby, it was merely pitch black, much colder than it was before. 

You gulped, braving yourself into the entrance of the garden. And as soon as you reached the same bench, you stopped when you saw him again. Near the trees, holding a guitar as he tries to pick on a few chords. 

“Hello?” you called out. He lifted up his head and his eyes went wide when he saw you. You watched him lay down his guitar, stand up, and walk to you. You couldn’t help but to take a step back, wondering why the place became more cold than before. 

“You came back,” he said. 

“I was curious,” you answered honestly. “How did you know?” 

“You look lonely. The moment you stepped into the hotel, you didn't want to be with the tourists, isn’t that why you went here?” 

“You were staring at me the moment I entered the hotel?” you raised an eyebrow. 

But he only crosses his arms, “well, you did catch my attention.”

A faint blush formed on your cheeks, you looked away from him, flustered with his words. 

“Is that why you returned here?” he asked. “Only crazy people would go here alone.”

“Then you must be crazy,” you said. “And yes that is the reason, and now that I know the answer. It was nice meeting you stranger.”

“You can call me Mark,” he proposed, offering a hand. 

You couldn’t help but to shake his hand, a goosebump forming on your nape as you felt his iced-like hands. “Nice meeting you Mark, this might be the last time we see each other, but my name’s y/n.” 

“I hope this won’t be,” Mark teases, eyes locked on you as he gently shakes your hand. 

True to his words, it wasn’t the last time you saw Mark. The next day, you encountered him once again. You found out that there’s a much secluded park outskirts of the city center. That’s why instead of opting for the tourist-filled park, you venture out to check if it was really secluded. 

You understood why, the place has an eerie atmosphere around it. There’s nothing but narrow walkways and hills where pinecone trees are planted. It looks empty and lifeless. No wonder no one goes there. But it fits you and your want for isolation, so you decided to walk further in the area until you noticed a figure from afar.

“I didn’t know that you’re here!” he said with a tone so bright, it was as if he was happy to see you. You were a bit taken back but you only gave him a small smile. 

“How did you even know this park?” you asked, deciding to just befriend him. You sat beside him who only lightly chuckled. 

“This is my favorite place in the city,” Mark said, looking at the view. “It’s quiet and peaceful, plus it’s clean. You’re surrounded by mother nature unlike the parks in the city, it’s always filled with people.” 

You only nod, “I get you.”

“Is that why you’re here? Because you want to feel lonely? Do you want me to leave?”

“No! I did say I want to feel lonely, but,” you only glanced at him. He was looking at you with curiosity. “I don’t mind having someone too.” 

You saw how Mark’s smile formed into a small smile. “Well, I’ll be happy to accompany you while you’re here.” 

It felt easy having Mark around. He’s not that weird guy that you first met. There you thought, maybe befriending a stranger wouldn’t be that bad at all. 

At first it was merely companionship. He was a gentleman. His tone was soft and he looked out for you. You notice it by the way he pulls you to the safer side of the walkway or whenever you two are in a crowded place, he holds your hand so you wouldn’t separate from him. It’s also how he makes you smile and laugh without you knowing about it. Being with him made you forget all the worries that you left in your town. 

Your heart was heavy when you went to the North. You shared it with Mark one night at the abandoned hotel. You two went further upstairs where the rooftop of the hotel overlooks the whole city. The stars scattered at the sky with the moon accompanying you two. There, Mark quietly listened to your story, even wiping off the tears from your face. 

Your family was a disaster. After your father died, your mother remarried and had a son. Your step-father was nice to you, albeit strict since you’re still young. But it still leaves a bitter taste on you that your mother quickly moved-on from your father’s death. You rebelled and found yourself in the wrong group of friends. Worse, you found out that your boyfriend was cheating on you with your best friend. 

Feeling like everyone is against you, you decided to leave your hometown. Feeling suffocated and alone in the world, you took the first bus that’s departing and that’s how you got yourself in your situation right now. 

You swore to yourself that it’ll be just a few days, but days turned into weeks and no one seems to care that you’re gone. No one, not even your family even bothered looking for you. 

“Sorry for sulking down the mood,” you chuckled. Trying to hold on to the tears that’s still flowing. 

“What? I don’t care about that!” Mark said. “I care about you! You’re strong yn, and if I could, I wanted to show you that you’re not alone.”

You laughed at his sudden declaration. “Stop saying stupid things Mark.” 

“Really, I swear to you,” Mark swore. “I wanted to show you that you deserve everything in this world, and that there are people who can care for you.” 

“Really?” you mocked. “Who then?” Silence. That was Mark’s answer. You don’t know what to feel about it. You two stared at each other, when slowly, realization hit you. 

“You’re not joking aren’t you?” you asked, appalled. 

“Why would I joke about that?” he asked. “I like you yn.”

“But we just met for like a few days ago,” you pointed out. 

“Just trusting my gut feeling,” he shrugs. “When I first saw you, I just wanted to give you a hug, I’m not kidding. You just feel like you’re going through a lot and I want to be that person that will give you strength.”

You became quiet because of his confession. Your heart starts beating fast and you can feel your cheeks flushed. Is this what it feels like to be loved by a person? You didn’t notice how another tear streamed down your eyes. You were speechless, dumbfounded at how Mark is staring at you with a gaze that’s so soft that you barely recalled when was the last time someone looked at you like that. 

Mark followed his guts right? Maybe you should too.

You slowly leaned onto him until you felt his lips. Cold as always but you were hoping that you would give him warmth and love, just like what he told you. You were willing to reciprocate his feelings even if it means being with him in a short amount of time — or not, your mind went hazy. Thinking that you can just settle here in the North and be with Mark forever. The only person who could give you the love that you’ve been longing for. 

Mark responds to your kiss. Soft and gentle just like how he has always been. His hands trailing to your jaw and although you felt goosebumps on your nape due to his cold hands, you ignored it nevertheless. You never felt more alive with Mark by your side. Slowly, he trails his hands on the hem of your shirt and as you two broke the kiss, he was staring at you, waiting for your signal. 

You gave in. That night was filled with nothing but love and yearning. There was nothing but bliss and love as Mark showed you how much he cared for you. 

-

After that night, you stuck around with Mark. Happy and content with the new found love in the North. You two would go around, have dates and be in love endearingly in the city. You noticed that there are a lot of people looking at you two but you ignored it nevertheless. Maybe you two are a bit affectionate in public, but you couldn’t care about it. 

You found yourself in a garage sale a few days later. You are fond of garage sales, especially antique trinkets and jewelries. The sale can be found in a huge mansion that was once owned by a politician during the 90s. 

You looked at the jewelries, different rings adorned with gemstones that haven’t faded yet. You could only smile as you tried to locate its price when a small notebook caught your attention. 

You opened it and noticed that’s written already. It looks like someone’s diary. You open a few pages, admiring the owner’s penmanship and how they collected trinkets and stickers. And as you scroll through it, a piece of paper falls from it. 

As you picked up the paper from the ground, you were frozen to see that it wasn’t just a paper, it was a picture of a couple. 

There, they stood beside each other. The background being familiar — the secluded park that you once went to. The girl was short, she had her hair tied to a high ponytail as she rocks a windbreaker jacket and tank top. While the guy has his hands wrapped around him. He was smiling ear to ear and despite the picture’s color faded, you knew that face. You’re very much familiar with that face. 

You couldn’t help but to be nailed in where you are standing. You don’t know what to feel but your hands are shaking. 

“Hey —” you were surprised when it was snatched away from you. By a lady who’s in her forties, she also stared at the notebook that you were holding, making you return it to her. 

“I’m sorry but these are not for sale,” she said with an apologetic tone, you only nod but something struck you. 

“I know but can I ask,” you said. “Are you the girl in the picture? Who’s the guy?” 

“He’s my ex-boyfriend,” she said casually. You watched as she placed the picture in between the pages. 

“Is his name Mark Lee perhaps?” you asked. 

Her eyes widened. That’s when you started to feel more nervous. 

“How did you know him?” she asked. 

That’s when you decided to grab your phone and open your gallery to show her. Pictures of you and Mark together. 

“These are all blurred dear,” she said as she looked at the photos. “It won’t make sense too, Mark’s been dead for almost twenty years now.” 

It was as if cold water fell on you when you heard her words. You stood there frozen. Her stare at you was built with confusion, but as she noticed the shocked expression on your face, her eyes widened. 

“When did this start?” she asked. 

You grew confused with the tone of her voice, it was as if she’s nervous about your answer. 

“A few weeks ago,” you answered. 

“Oh no dear, you need to stay away from him,” she warned. “Mark…he’s not who you think he is. For a moment you thought he was sweet and kind, but the more his love got deeper, it’ll turn into an obsession. He will not let anything hinder his love for you.” 

“What do you mean?”

“He's been dead for years! His ghost will not be in peace until he finds someone who can love forever.” she said. “Don’t meet up with him anymore. But he will keep on showing up wherever you are, that’s how obsessed he is. So avoid him as much as possible, even if it means leaving this city.” 

Her words stuck to you even when you returned to your hotel room. You felt stupid. Falling in love with a ghost? It sounds so absurd. 

There were signs, but you were completely oblivious about it. Like how Mark has always been cold or there’s an aura around him that you couldn’t explain. You wouldn’t really suspect him as a ghost either. He looks like a normal human being. 

Or so you thought. Maybe that’s why people are staring at you too. Because they knew that the guy you’re with isn't human at all. 

You let out a frustrated groan as you decided to take the matter in your own hands. You left your hotel room and stormed out of the night.

It was a rainy night, past midnight and the North seems to be empty at this hour. You ignored the way the night became colder than usual. The eerie silence of the road didn’t budge you as you found yourself returning to the abandoned hotel. 

As you step inside, you notice how empty it is. It felt weird, Mark’s not here. 

“Mark?” you shouted, echoing through the void. You called him once again but only the empty hallways responded to you. 

You went to the garden, calling his name once again but Mark wasn’t there. So you went up to the rooftop, hoping that Mark’s there.

The rain becomes a heavy downpour as you reach the rooftop. You didn’t mind that you’re sopping wet because you’ve come face to face with the guy that you’ve looking for. 

“Mark,” you mumbled. 

“So you found out,” he said instead, letting out a bitter chuckle. 

You ignored his words. I guess his ex-lover’s words were true, he does follow you everywhere. 

“Just be honest with me Mark,” you said, taking a step closer to him. “Is it true?”

“Why does it matter if it's true or not?” Mark asked instead, his tone rising a bit higher. “So what if I am a ghost? Does it matter?”

“It matters because you’re dead!” you shouted. “You’re dead Mark! You’re nothing but a spirit lurking around this city.” 

“What’s with the sudden change of heart? Everything doesn't matter anymore just because I’m dead? Have you forgotten that I’m the only one who cared for you?” 

You didn’t answer. Mark’s eyes were filled with anger, he turns around and just lets you be there. 

“Just so you know, it didn’t matter to me if you’re alive or not. I love you regardless, that’s why it hurts that everything shifted just because of something so simple,” he lets out a sigh. 

“It’s not that simple, Mark. You’re dead, while I’m not. We can’t be together.”

“And what? Return to your place? Back to your miserable life when you were here with me, you’ve always at your happiest. Are you willing to throw everything away again?” 

Small warm tears are falling from your eyes. You couldn’t rebut him anymore knowing that he’s right. 

“I’m the only one who loves you yn, why can’t you see it? I tried my best to make you smile and happy. That’s why I hid the fact that I’m dead. I just want you to be happy and not cry anymore,” there, he gently weeps off the tears from your face. His cold hands make contact with your face and yet, you can feel the warm gesture of it. 

“Mark, I don't know what to do,” you said, breaking out in tears. You felt his arms wrapping around your shoulder, hushing you slowly as you leaned on his chest. 

“It’s okay yn, I’m here. I will never let you be sad anymore,” he promised. You lift up your face and as you face Mark, he only gives you a smile as he brushes your hair. 

“Mark —”

“Just promise me that you’ll trust me in this one okay?” he asked, sealing you with a kiss. 

“Mark, what are you going to do?” you asked, heart beating fast. 

“I just want your answer yn, do you trust me?” he asked once again. 

“I —” you found your words stuck in your throat. 

There you two. On top of the hotel rooftop. The rain slowly deafens everything. 

But Mark’s arms never left yours. He’s just there, staring at you. Waiting for your answer. 

“I trust you Mark,” you breathed. “Just take my pain away.” 

“Of course,” he assures you. Leaning on to give you another kiss. “I will make you happy and will love you for eternity.” 

Slowly, Mark takes a step back. One by one you two slowly walked. All you can see is Mark who’s gazing at you lovingly until you take another step but your eyes widen at your feet and feel nothing but the air. 

“See you on the other side yn,” Mark bids before pulling you towards him. And with that, you felt yourself heavy as you fell to your own death.

[chloe-skywalker]

Bad Brother - Scott Mccall

Scott x fem!reader sister

Warnings: none

Word count: 582

Requested:TW imagine the reader is Scott sister and you always have your drawing book sketch book and the pack take a look at it and Scott sees ur depressing art work and forbidden love work and realises he hasn't been he best brother ever. @cokecola4211

Authors Note: Thanks for liking the Mal one so much that you requested this again but with Teen Wolf

Masterlist

Teen Wolf Masterlist

******************************************************************

“Shoot! Y/n/n were gonna be late! Come on.” Maila shouted after seeing the time on Stiles' watch. She jumped up grabbing her bag and y/n’s wrist, pulling her along with her to the class they were gonna be late for.

“Wait-” Stiles called after them but they were already to far away to hear him. “Maila’s sure in a rush. Y/n forgot her sketchbook.”

“Shit. She’s gonna freak. I’ll make sure she gets it.” Scott picks it up. He could tell that a lot of the pages had been used up just by looking at the sides. Throughout the day he hadn’t been able to find his sister to give it back to her, but his will also broke when he couldn’t take it anymore and peaked. But what he found made him keep looking and the more he looked the more concerned he got. The more he realized he hadn't been a good brother.

Later that day after school once Y/n came home she entered their home and sat down in the kitchen where her mom was getting ready to leave for work.

“What's wrong, sweetheart?” Melissa asked upon looking at her daughter and seeing her mood.

“I lost my sketch book at school.” Y/n whined as she rested her head on her folded arms. Not at all happy that anyone could just look in it.

“I’m sure you’ll find it at school tomorrow. Go to the Office tomorrow and see if they found it. “ Melissa suggested hoping that it would help. Y/n was very attached to it so she was sure her daughter was very stressed.

“Yeah.” Y/n grunted that's all she could do.

“I’ll see you and your brother tomorrow.” she told her as she walked over kissing Y/n on the head before leaving to start her long night shift.

“Bye mom.” Y/n could out as her mom shut the door.

With that Y/n decided to grab a snack and headed up stairs to her room. She was alone in there for a while doing homework before Scott came knocking on her bedroom door leaning against the door jam.

“Hey.” he said once, getting her attention. “Found this today. You left it at lunch.”

Y/n looked up and noticed he was holding her missing sketch book. “Thanks. I was worried someone took it.” She replied as she entered her room and handed it to her.

There was a moment of silence before Scott spoke. Trying to figure out what exactly he wanted to say. “Y/n.”

“Hmmm” Y/n hummed not looking up at him.

“I know we’ve been busy the last couple years with all the supernatural stuff-”

“You looked in it didn’t you.” Y/n cut him off, holding her sketchbook tightly to her chest.

“Yeah.” Scott nodded, admitting shamefully. “Y/n, you can talk to me. About anything and everything, at any time. You know that right?”

Y/n shrugged. “We’ve just been so busy and you’ve been dealing with Alpha stuff-”

Scott shook her head as he moved to sit on Y/n’s bed next to her. “I’ve been a terrible brother and I’m sorry. Can we promise we’ll talk more when somethings bothering us?”

Y/n smiled, it was weak but it was enough to encourage Scott. So he pulled her into him, hugging her. Something they hadn’t done in a long time it seemed.

“Yeah, I think I can do that.”

Taglist: @padawancat97

[manticore-fangs]

ANXIETY DRIVEN. (GHOAP x Reader) | OLD ASS POST.

—

cw/tw: severe anxiety, angst, mentions of trauma, crying, yelling, punching (not at anyone), anger, degradation?

a/n: this is based off meltdowns and trauma i endured, so excuse me if stuff isn’t correct for you- but this is like.. an self-insert? i think it is. anyways, not proof-read.

—

the day started off normally. simply. you woke up, got dressed did chores and made yourself supper, that was all you did when your boyfriends we’re deployed. of course you stress, worry and fear of many things when their gone. their your comfort, they stabilize you but obviously your mind starts tricking you, saying: “they don’t need you.” “your doing this, having breakdowns and not helping them.” “they don’t care about your emotions” and more nasty words you don’t wanna hear.

your phone was in your hand as you laid on the couch where you had blankets splayed over yourself, keeping yourself warm and cozy. you we’re relaxing before your mother messaged you, it was a rant about: “you don’t watch your siblings enough! if you wanna be a mother soon, then watch your siblings for me when i’m busy!” and aswell saying “their such good kids, your siblings- they don’t embarrass me as much as you did when you we’re younger.”

it absolutely broke you, obviously she seen the “read” there, but what made you the most angry is the fact she never mentions you anymore. doesn’t post you ever. ever since your siblings we’re born, your mother didn’t care about you- she said she loves you but it doesn’t feel like she does. you were and are stuck in a place where you don’t know what to do and how to show your mother that: ‘i can show you, i can do this for you’ just to get her validation.

the last time she posted a picture of you was your birthday, saying how much she loved you. but when your sister’s birthday came along she wrote a whole paragraph on how much your sibling saved her when you were the one that suffered along with her through the tough times. she even abandoned you on your great grandmothers front porch saying: “i cant be a mother, take her” leaving you there on the porch.

you were laying down on the couch, but you gradually sat up. adrenaline coursing through your veins as you looked at your phone, flipping it over. you screamed. loud. your lover’s haven’t came home yet, so you can scream as loud as you want. with the anger that boiled up, you we’re screaming- yelling at the top of your longs saying how much ‘you hate your mother’ or ‘your mother is a psycho’ your hands were genuinely trembling- shaking even.

you wanted to punch something, a wall, the couch- anything and you did but nothing relieved the tension and anger. your hands moved fast, you clenched them- shook them, wiggled your fingers trying to think of what you can do next- you thought about hitting your thigh or a body part but you didn’t- refraining yourself from damaging you. you were sobbing, crying. so so sad and.. anxious? depressed? you don’t know.

you pulled on your hair, having your eyes closed and blurry, a hand grabbed your wrist making you flinch and gasp- eyes opening until you heard johnny’s voice. “hey- bonnie, is alrigh’ your safe wit’ me now, shh.. shh my love.. is alright..” he moved your wrist away and pulled you back onto his chest- you sobbed. sobbed all night, your mother.. your fucking mother.

[strniohoeee]

Broken

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N is depressed, and Matt takes notice to her behavior. Matt being the good friend he is he tries to get her out of her funk, but will it work?🫂

Warnings⚠️: None just mentions of depression. This was a request but Tumblrs being a munch and not letting me add it

Song for the imagine: hope ur ok- Olivia Rodrigo

But, God, I hope that you’re happier today

Cause I love you

And I hope that you’re okay

It’s been getting worse. I hate this feeling, this darkness that consumes me. I wanted nothing more than to feel okay. I hate the way my depression swallowed me whole and made me want to disappear from the face of the earth.

I just wanted to feel okay, I wanted to feel normal and not drained. I know my friends were getting annoyed with me. I would slip into these phases of not wanting to talk to them, see them, go out with them. I mean I could barely get out of my bed to do anything. Often skipping meals and not drinking water. I would just sleep all fucking day and cry when I was awake.

I was fortunate enough to be an influencer, so I didn’t have to worry about actually getting up to work. I posted YouTube drafts and TikTok drafts. It worked for a while, but people started to catch on, and were wondering where I went. I couldn’t even be honest and come out and say I was so depressed I couldn’t even sit up in my bed.

The one person who noticed the fastest was Matt. Randomly one day he started texting me wondering how I was doing, what I was doing, if I wanted to hang out with him and his brothers, if I wanted to join them for dinner, if I wanted to film a video with them. I appreciated it truly, but I also kept lying to him. Telling him that I was busy or I had plans, or I was filming. I could not allow anyone to see me this way. I mean I didn’t even want to see myself this way…..

Matt had put me in a groupchat with Chris and Nick, and honestly it was making me feel better. They kept my mind off of things by constantly making me laugh. I mean they would text from 10AM till 2AM every single day.

The blue eyed freaks🧿🧿

-Y/N can you pleaseeeeee come hang out with us we haven’t seen you in like two months- Chris

-Idkkkk -me

-plzzzzz like you never hangout with us anymore-Nick

-yeah I’ve just been busy-me

-busy??? Yeah right not busy enough to not hang out with us- Chris

-hey if she doesn’t want to hangout don’t force her, but we do miss you and would love to see you-Matt

-thanks Matt🖤-me

-booooo boring come over now, or I’ll come pick you up-Chris

-you can’t even drive Chris-me

-okay….ill get matt to drive me to come pick you up-Chris

-fineeeeee okay fine I’ll be over in a hour-me

-FUCKKKKK FINALLY OMG YES- Chris

-see yall soon<3-me

I had gotten up and decided to shower, washing my hair and just really try to clear my mind, and enjoy the fact that I’m getting to see my friends again. I hadn’t been out of my house in a good month, and this was giving me major anxiety.

I felt like once they’d see me they would know I haven’t been okay, and that’s something that scared me. I had to seem okay. I was never the one who broke down… ever.

I hadn’t finished getting ready. At first I wanted to put on some makeup to hide my dark eyes, but I decided against it because I really wasn’t in the mood. I headed out, and drove to the triplets house. When I got there Matt texted me letting me know that the door was unlocked and to meet them in his room.

I let myself in and walked to Matt’s room.

“Y/N” Chris yelled coming over and hugging me

“Hi guys” I said laughing

“She’s aliveeee” Nick said hugging me

“How have you guys been?” I asked plopping myself down on Matt’s bed with them

“We’ve been good, just filming honestly” Matt said

“Nice that’s always fun” I said

“I love it so much truly, but how have you been?�� Nick asked

“I’ve been good, you know. Just uhhh been busy” I said lying straight through my teeth

“Nice, what have you been doing” Matt asked

“Oh you know just filming and editing and just going out with some of my other friends” I said

“I love your hair color by the way, when did you dye it red?” Chris asked me

“Oh like two months ago I need to get my roots done actually” I said running my hands through my hair

“Two months ago? I thought this was recent all your TikTok’s and YouTube videos your hair was black” Matt said looking at me suspiciously

“Oh uhhh” was all I could manage because I knew Matt was onto me

“Okay anyways I’m hungry” Chris said breaking the awkwardness

“Me too” Nick said

“McDonald’s?” Chris asked

“Fuck yes” Matt responded

“Okay Matt can you pick it up for us” Chris said pleading

“Uhhh I guess i have too since yall can’t drive” he said rolling his eyes

“I can drive” I said smiling

“Yayyyy this is why I love you” Chris said

“I’ll mobile order it so it’s less stressful” Nick said

They all put in their orders, and they handed the phone to me. My anxiety making me nauseous and not really in the mood to eat

“Oh I don’t think I’m going to get anything” I said

“WHAT? McDonald’s is your favorite” Nick said

“Uhh yeah I’m just not in the mood” I said

“Do you want something else?” Matt asked

“No I’m not hungry” I said looking at him

Matt nodded before taking the phone, messing with it f and then handing it to Nick.

“Alright let’s head out” I said

“Nick and I want to stay back y’all can go though” Chris said

“Sneaky fucks” Matt said laughing

Matt and I had gotten into my car heading over to the McDonalds

“What’s really going on?” Matt asked

“What do you mean?” I asked glancing over at him

“I know you’re not okay” he said looking at me

“Matt I’m fine” I said

“No you’re not. Your eyes…..I can tell that you’re sad” he said

“I’m just tired is all” I said swallowing thickly

“Y/N be honest…are you okay?” He asked reading my face for an answer

My lip quivered, and a lump formed in my throat. Nobody has asked me if I was okay.

“No” I whispered out in a croak

“Talk to me” he said sitting up

“I just don't know. I’ve been so depressed lately. I haven’t been able to get out of my bed. I’ve just been posting drafts because I can’t even get up to film. I can’t even get up to drink or eat anything. I miss my parents, I miss home and I just feel so alone. You were the first person to text me, and you have helped me a lot actually. You inviting me over was the first thing I have done in a month” I said letting a tear fall

“I’m so sorry you feel that way. I love you so fucking much, and I knew something was wrong that’s why I reached out. I care for you so much, and I don’t want you to struggle alone. I’m here for you” he said looking at me with saddened eyes

“I appreciate it Matt truly. You’re amazing” I said looking over at him and smiling weakly

“Never allow yourself to struggle alone okay. Please reach out to me or Nick or even Chris as crazy as that seems. We will always be here for you….always” he said

“I will. I just was fighting with myself for so long I couldn’t reach out for help” I said wiping my tears

“And that’s okay. No ones pressuring you to reach out, but know that the option is there. I would never turn you away. You know I’ll come flying to you in a heartbeat” he said nudging my shoulder

“I know Matt. I love you so much thank you for being here for me” I said nudging him back

“Also I got you your favorite from McDonald’s. I’m making sure you eat. I can tell you haven’t eaten. I can see it in your face” he said

“Thank you Matt what would I do without you” I said smiling at him

“I’m not sure actually” he said

“Don’t get too cocky” I said pointing my finger at him

We laughed, and I pulled up to the drive thru. We got our food, and we headed back home

We got back to their house, and started to eat in the kitchen. Laughing and catching up. Matt occasionally looking over at me, giving me reassuring smiles and glances.

I spent the night at their house, and I slept in Matt’s room. We watched my favorite childhood movies as he kept asking me if I was okay, and taking small glances at me.

Eventually we ended up falling asleep.

What would I do without Matt?

The End

This was a request, but Tumblr is actually being a dickrider so it wasn’t letting me put it with my story. But anywho I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS ONE🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[zablife]

Here For You 

Jake x girlfriend reader

Summary: Jake worries when you suddenly begin to push him away and he struggles to understand why. He doesn't realize his girlfriend is suffering a bout of depression.

Author’s Note: This was requested by the lovely @dreamlandcreations.

Warnings: language, depression, angst with fluffy ending

Jake’s jaw tightened and his head dropped as he listened to your recorded message. Normally he loved the sound of your voice. In fact, he often told you it was one of the things he loved most about you because it was so gentle and calming, but today your voice was anything but soothing. Every day this week his calls had gone straight to voicemail and he couldn’t help but worry.

“Baby, it’s me. Is everything alright? I know you said this was a busy week with classes, but I’m starting to get worried about you. Would you please call me back?” he said, the concern seeping into his voice by the end. Then he glanced up at your picture in his locker and added, “I love you, darlin,” before ending the call. His hand dropped to his side, still clutching the phone as his head came to rest on his opposite forearm in despair. 

Just then Bradley entered the locker room and called to Jake’s back, “Just finishing up with your girl, Hangman?” Jake jumped at the sound of his voice and Bradley chuckled. “Ok, I got it. It was one of those calls.” Casting his eyes to the ground he asked with amusement, “Wanna put your dick away and come up for our briefing?”

Jake spun around with a red face, not from embarrassment but anger. “Shut the fuck up, Bradshaw,” he said pushing past him. Bradley stood stunned. Hangman was usually easy going and never minded a little joking.

Later in the day, Maverick attempted to talk to Jake. During their meeting he had quickly recognized the chatty Texan had been replaced by a quiet, sullen man. The distracted look in his eye had Maverick wondering if it had something to do with you. Penny mentioned you missed work twice this week which wasn’t like you. “Is y/n feeling ok?” Maverick ventured after the meeting concluded. 

“What?” Jake said absently, shaking his head as though he hadn’t heard correctly. 

“Penny said y/n missed a couple of shifts. She thought she might be sick,” Maverick explained. 

“I haven't been able to talk to her much, but I’m going to see her tonight,” Jake answered honestly as his mind whirled with possibilities. Maybe that’s why you hadn’t called him back. If you were sick he felt terrible he wasn’t able to be there for you due to his training. Now that his day was wrapping up, he grabbed his bag and headed for the exit. He thought for a moment if he should stop and buy your favorite flowers, but he wanted to check on you first. 

When he arrived at your apartment, he shifted his weight uncomfortably from side to side waiting for you to answer the door. It took a long time, but you finally appeared. You didn’t open the door fully, staring at him through a narrow crack as he confronted you.

“Y/n, honey, I’ve been trying to call you for days. Did something happen? Are you feeling ok?” he asked, words coming out more quickly than he anticipated as he felt his heart rate climb. Without meaning to he pressed on the door a bit too harshly and it opened wider allowing him a view of the chaos inside your home. It was messier than he'd ever seen it and you looked just as disheveled, standing in front of him in baggy pajamas and unwashed hair. 

You shrunk from him and tightened your arms around yourself, feeling ashamed he was seeing you at your worst. You felt like crying, but you didn’t have the energy. All you wanted him to do was leave so you could crawl back into bed. “I’m fine so you can go,” you said in a dead voice. Jake searched your face to see if you had meant what you said. You weren’t the same bubbly, caring woman he had left and he felt confused. 

“Baby, did I do something wrong? If I did, tell me and I'll make it up to you,” he said in a soft, pleading voice. In that moment part of you desperately wanted him to stay. You wished he wasn’t being so sweet. That wasn’t what you were expecting as you had already resigned yourself to the outcome of him storming off like all the others in your past.

“No, it’s just…I’m busy. I’ve got a paper to write,” you lied, rubbing your hand over your forehead anxiously. You hated yourself more as you thought of the class you were failing. Your stomach churned and your chest tightened uncomfortably at the thought of everything closing in on you—the late schoolwork, your missed shifts, a dirty apartment, the unanswered calls from friends. Suddenly you couldn’t breathe and you cried out, “Please go!” Slamming the door, you slid down against the cool wood and sobbed, chest heaving from the force. It was just too much, but you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him that.

————————————————————-

On the other side of the door, Jake stood in stunned silence as he tried to process what had just happened. Although you had told him you were fine, he knew better.  Years of living with his mother and sisters had taught him “fine” usually meant far from it. That’s when he decided if you wouldn’t talk to him, he would go to Phoenix. She’d known you long before you started dating him and he hoped she would know what was wrong. 

When he arrived at Phoenix’s house, she welcomed him in, offering a cold beer and a kind smile. While she wanted to help, she also knew it wasn’t her place to divulge any sensitive information without your consent. Trying to be a good friend to both of you, she listened to Jake’s fears, then gave the best advice she could under the circumstances. “She’ll open up in her own time, Jake. Just be there for her and listen to her when she's ready to talk,” Phoenix said.

“Yeah, ok. I can do that,” Jake said nodding in agreement. Looking Phoenix in the eye he admitted, “I love this woman, Phoenix. Tell me I’ve still got a shot with her.”

Her lip curled up in a half smile as she realized he was completely smitten. It was nice to see her cocky friend humbled by love. As she sat enjoying that privileged information, she was interrupted by Jake clearing his throat, reminding her he was waiting for an answer.  She rolled her eyes as she realized she was about to stroke his ego. “Yeah, she loves you too, Bagman,” she answered. 

—————————————————————-

Jake went home to rest and tried again the next morning, coming back to your house with breakfast in one hand and a large, fragrant bouquet of flowers in the other. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but he genuinely wanted to hear what you had to say. He felt his heart thud against his ribcage as he waited for you to answer the door, wondering if you would slam it in his face again. When you appeared in the doorway, he noticed you still seemed tired, but less tense. 

“Jake, what are you doing here?” you asked in a weary voice.

“Came to bring my favorite girl breakfast in bed,” he said with a big smile. “Can I come in…please?” He added the last words hesitantly and you couldn’t help but soften at his easy tone. He’d already seen the disastrous state of your apartment so you decided to let him in. You nodded slowly and opened the door to him, glancing the beautiful bouquet of flowers for the first time. The sight of the pinks and greens made your heart stir and you leaned forward to smell them. A tear gathered at the corner of your eye as you whispered, “thank you.” 

Jake looked at you, slightly taken aback at the show of gratitude and replied, “You’re welcome, sweetheart.” He placed the items on the counter before tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. He looked at you, trying to determine what you were thinking as he watched you pick at your cuticles. He'd noticed it was a nervous habit of yours, but recently it had gotten much worse. “I’d really like to understand what you’re going through, but I don’t want to push you. I’m here if you want to talk or eat. Hell, I’ll just sit here and stare at the wall with you if you want,” he chuckled nervously, picking up your hand to hold it in his larger one. His palm was rough, but warm and you closed your eyes at the feeling of it radiating through you. You squeezed his hand and he squeezed back. “I just want to be close to you,” he admitted, leaning his forehead into yours. 

You inhaled a shaky breath, feeling the tears hot and heavy against your eyelids. You didn’t want them to fall, but they were already forcing their way out and running down your cheeks. For the first time in weeks you felt safe and you let go. You collapsed into Jake’s arms and cried as he stroked your back. The gentle touch of his fingertips running over you, rubbing patterns into the aching muscles of your back and arms released a torrent of emotion you feared would scare him away, but he continued to hold you tightly. 

You weren’t sure how long you stayed like this, but when you pulled away to wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your sweatshirt you heard the thoughts come together in your mind. You guided him to sit next to you on the sofa and the words fell from your lips easily, explaining how you’d suffered depression since you were a teenager. Despite medication, infrequent episodes like this one came and went like a summer storm, leaving you paralyzed by anxiety and fear.

It was especially bad when you had a boyfriend because they were never able to understand it. Men liked to fix things and when they realized there was no quick fix for you, they were out the door. It left you feeling worse than before because you were convinced something inside you was irretrievably broken. With a harsh gulp, you told him how worried you were of disappointing him now by confiding all this in him, letting him see the real you. When you ran out of things to say, you hugged a cushion, anxiously biting your lower lip and wondering how he might respond.

“Sweetheart, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me all of this. I’m really sorry to hear you were treated that way," he said running a hand along your cheek and wiping a tear away with the pad of his thumb. "But I'm glad I get to be your man now because I think you're an amazing, intelligent, kind, brave woman. The more I get to know about you, the more I fall in love with you." He leaned in and you felt him brush his lips across yours in a soft, gentle kiss that was meant as much for affection as reassurance. As he pulled away, he looked deeply into your eyes as he said, "I’m going to be here for you whenever you need me, alright?” You searched his handsome face, etched with concern, and settled back on the warmth of his green eyes, drawing you in and holding you there in a silent promise of protection from the storm. 

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dating dn characters would include… ❦

(hopefully going to write more fics soon but i <3 unleashing my headcanons)

-gn!reader

-kind of angsty but also cuteness <3

-misa amane, light yagami, L, matt, mello, near, matsuda

༺♡༻

misa amane

- would always be very romantic and would want you to be the same.

-always there for you and wanting to do things for you

-she’d be worried that if she wasn’t constantly doing things to benefit you and you’d ofc reassure her that you didn’t need that. you’re with her because you love her for who she is and that’s all that needs to be said

-she’d always want to dress you up in all sorts of different styles. she has a varied fashion sense and an extremely expansive wardrobe that she wants to put to use. she may even help you find your own style

-crazy about pda but not in a weird way. she wants to show u off and hug u and be near u all the time

༺♡༻

light yagami

-honestly i can’t help but see him as a romantic guy. the only thing that turns me away from this hc is how busy he’d be, whether he’s assisting in the investigation or anything similar

-but i can easily imagine him buying u flowers often and all the cliche romantic stuff like that. it could definitely be construed as him trying to maintain his image as a normal guy but i’m sure we’d like to think it’s because he wants you to know how much he cares and thinks about you.

-pre timeskip, he would 100% help u with ur homework. study sessions would be the norm with you two, and no matter how hard you tried to affectionately get him to yourself, he’d be determined to finish helping you

༺♡༻

l lawliet

-after establishing your relationship, he did everything he could to try and understand the social norms a little better. he can use basic communication with other people and would be capable of making friends, but he’d never been in a situation like this.

-he’d do the typical cheesy romantic stuff at first but you could tell he was unsure. you explained to him that there’s so specific way to do these things and that he should do whatever he feels comfortable with.

-he’d probably continue to be cheesy and romantic at times in a more teasing way when you were alone, but his main love language is acts of service. he’d do things for you to lift some weight off of your shoulders and be more affectionate in private.

-in time he’d become a lot more comfortable with the relationship, especially considering you’re someone he trusts which isn’t a common thing for him.

༺♡༻

mello

-again, it’d probably take him a while to warm up to romantic gestures and stuff like that. the difference is that mello may never fully become super affectionate.

-he may be an emotional person, but it’s very hard for him to communicate his feelings to others. he’d have to trust you a lot to be in such an intimate relationship with you and he knows he can confide in you, but you’d need to help him out a LOT.

-you accept him for who he is and he knows that too.

-after a long day you’re always there to supply him with endless chocolate and random activities to chill him out. you’d watch movies and just cuddle together until you fall asleep.

-you also understand that he needs to be alone sometimes too. in general, you’re his break from a very chaotic life in the best way possible

༺♡༻

matt

-you guys would just be the most chill and friendly couple ever. i feel like dating matt would just be the most comfortable thing ever you’d just be best friends but much more affectionate in the best way

-playing video games together and having lazy days all the time would be the focal point of this relationship. it would be an interesting contrast to matt’s occupation and hobbies. one minute you’re just eating junk food and playing games on the couch and suddenly matt is monitoring 56 surveillance screens and hacking into a database for mello. at this point it’s the norm and he even trusts you to help

-i hc that matt has adhd and can get depressed sometimes, and you help him out of these periods. you recognise when he needs to get out and do something. however, you’d never make a big deal about it unless you had to be a bit more blunt. in the end, he knows that you want the best for him and he trusts you enough to let you help him.

༺♡༻

near

-like L, he wouldn’t be used to the norm of relationships. tbh i feel like he’d be anxious, even if that is uncharacteristic.

-he’d probably remain his usual stoic self even after things had become more comfortable, but all in all he’d be a sweet partner.

-i also think that even though his main love language would be acts of service and stuff like that, he’d love to have you close to him all the time.

-on that same note, i think he would be very protective. he’d be worried to get you mixed up in some of the dangerous things he’s involved in

༺♡༻

matsuda

-SWEETEST BOYFRIEND YOULL EVER KNOW (it goes without saying tbh)

-he would be such a hopeless romantic, super cliche in the best way possible. always getting you flowers or other cute gifts like that and acting very chivalrous but in a relaxed way.

-he would also need reassurance quite a lot. he’s incredibly overlooked at work and isn’t taken seriously most of the time, so you’d need to make sure you told him often how great he is. his self esteem can be low at times but you’d help him through it and it’s what makes him love you so much.

༺♡༻

[adragonsfriend]

Supreme Chancellor Grandpa and his Spectacular Vibes

"'Busy as always, I’m afraid. But very glad of this evening’s reprieve.' He says, smiling warmly, because Chancellor Palpatine is the picture of a harried but caring and active leader."

This is going to be part commentary on canon, part my response to the fairly common supposition that Palpatine acts openly rude or prejudiced as Chancellor, part thought experiment.

(quotes from Biting his own Tale (mostly The Supreme Chancellor's Diary) in purple because if I don't do breakdowns of my own writing, who will?)

I pose the question, what is it actually like to be in Palpatine’s presence?

At the heart of it, it's incredibly reassuring:

He is always solving problems for people—often by taking on extra responsibility! It is genuinely difficult to come out of a meeting with Chancellor Palpatine feeling as though some weight has not been taken off your shoulders. Be it emotional (he has lent a sympathetic ear: gained personal information about you), logistical (he’s offered to mention your problem to someone: gained a tacit, informal favour in return), personal (he’s given you advice: shaped your decisions), or logical (he’s always up for a challenging puzzle: he’s always looking for opportunities to take advantage of).

He's a good public speaker, and his speeches gesture at large goals, out of the individual person's reach (I went to a school that had students give these speeches to the whole school twice a week about what ever (school-approved) topic they wanted and trust me, the fastest way to alienate a general audience is to ask them to do something achievable. depressing i know). People—even senators who are aware of his rhetorical tricks—consistently leave his public appearances with a vague but incredibly strong sense that big problems will all be resolved naturally, or by someone else. "She starts reading over one of Palpatine’s oldest speeches, from nearly twenty years ago. …Our Sector is made strong by its partnerships with our neighbors…Naboo will always maintain those relationships bring Prosperity to young and old…The new trade bill will ensure Peace and Security for decades to come…  It has a familiar, empty quality that makes the speaker sound full of ideas, but really only rouses emotion."

He’s no comedian—his jokes are typically chuckle-worthy at best, indeed they are often a little awkward—but he takes such clear delight in causing joy in the people around him that it is hard to resist smiling even when a joke is stilted or slightly out of touch. "'Knight Skywalker didn’t stir at all, I’m afraid,' Sidious inserts a little self-deprecation into Palpatine’s tone, “But it’s reassuring to know he’s in the most capable hands here, Master healer.' / 'We certainly do our best, Chancellor.' Master Che’s expression is polite, but she doesn’t smile. / Not taken in by flattery for a moment. Palpatine approves, 'And I’d best let you get back to it.' He sighs just audibly, and squares his shoulders, 'And get back to it myself.' He crafts a smaller smile, and this time he catches the faintest hint of amusement in the twitch of her lips."

You are a corrupt politician who has gotten in some trouble, but don't worry—your friend Palpatine is there to take care of it. He'll ask a few favors on your behalf, only because he knows you deserve a second chance, and besides he says, what you did wasn't really all that bad in the first pace. He's not doing anything bad by helping out a friend. "'But I'm not! Ventress is getting stronger and I'm still too weak. I should’ve killed her when I had the chance—' [Anakin] cuts himself off, glancing nervously at Palpatine—Sidious arranges Palpatine’s face like a deck of cards so it shows only dedicated interest. Anakin continues, reassured that Palpatine sees no problem with killing his enemies."

You are a leader of your people, worried about how you are going to help them. Palpatine is also a leader, and of even more people than you—but he sympathises, he's made time for you, he worries about his own home planet even as he puts that worry aside to care for the whole galaxy. He suggests someone you might speak with.

You are a clone in the coruscant guard, whom many citizens and senators dislike either for enforcing the law or simply for being clones, but Chancellor Palpatine is always polite to his guards. He confuses you for your brothers sometimes, but he always apologizes and clarifies your name. Sometimes you catch him muttering names and ranks under his breath, trying to remember all of them—he is always faintly embarrassed when this happens, but he keeps doing it.

You are a Jedi, reporting that one of your people has died in tragic, violent circumstances. Out of the many-faced mass of the Senate comes Palpatine to lead the condolences. He maintains a steady sympathy, but beneath it, you can see that he truly feels the loss. Even the seemingly apathetic Senators around him have been moved to nod their heads in true sympathy—in a galaxy that grows cold to your people you more and more, he makes your loss felt to others when you cannot. "[Padme]'s hardly ever irritated by Palpatine when she’s in his presence, only after she leaves, when she’s picked through all the pleasantries and misdirection. Just this week, she’d watched him frown upon hearing about the death of Knight Wu Mengxiang, and caught herself nodding along with his condolences to the Jedi who’d come to inform them."

You are the queen of a planet in danger, and here is someone who is willing to do something drastic to help you. He will take power, and help you fix all the injustice if you will only ask him for help. Yes it may take a few days, but he is doing all he can—it is not his fault the incumbent Chancellor is too attached to his position to realize another could do better in his place. "He’d used them, encouraged them to attack Naboo, and then used the crisis to force a vote of no confidence against Valorum. Only force isn’t the right word is it? He’d made a suggestion, and Padme had jumped at the chance to spare her people."

Body language and charisma are incredibly powerful (random statistics like 'oh 80% of all human communication is through body language' are not sufficient to communicate the extent of this power), and one of Palpatine’s most extraordinary traits is is ability to keep up and act—probably to an unrealistic extent.

Lots of real life advice on how to discover manipulative people is simply to wait and observe their actions over a longer period—eventually, they will slip up and reveal who they truly are. This certainly happens with Palpatine in ROTS, but it takes a very long time, not months or even years, but decades.

And his suspicions behavior in ROTS is a deliberate ploy! He uses it three fold:

To incite cognitive dissonance and uncertainty in the senate—most of whom have regarded him as trustworthy and in accord with their specific interests up to this point—so that he can push through his most obviously suspicious empire-making pieces of legislation.

To cause the Jedi to be suspicious of him in general, so that they investigate and eventually attempt to arrest him, allowing him to label them traitors and usurpers.

To cause the Jedi to be suspicious of him specifically to put Anakin, who either does not register or does not acknowledge any change in behavior, at odds with the other Jedi.

"'The upside,' Padmé counters, 'Is that it means even Palpatine is limited in what he can push through without sacrificing his [public] image—' / Ekkreth cuts her off, 'If you ever do find him obviously suspicious, it is too late. That is his endgame for the Republic.'"

The only point where he compromises his act to his own detriment is in Return of the Jedi with Luke, who has the twin advantages of knowing exactly who Sidious is and only having been in the same room as him for all of ten minutes.

People like the Jedi on the Council and the leaders of the Delegation of 2000 (potentially including) Padmé Amidala who manage to partly pierce the veil and form actual distrust of Chancellor Palpatine as an individual are the exception, not the rule. They are extraordinary in being able to both know the man and even semi-accurately analyze his actions.

I say potentially about Padmé because it is very much the last days when she remarks upon anything, and the delegation of 2000 deleted scene reads to me as though she is being read in on a plan others have already made—ergo she is not one of the initiators.

People who are aware of him only as a public figure are not at any great advantage either. His speeches give much the same air of worn but steady reassurance, and it is difficult to trace any particular wrong doing back to him—he took over of a paralyzed, unpopular leader, he was in favor of unity and so opposed the war, he has a great origin story going from troubled youth to orphan to responsible leader, his greatest scandal is a slightly expensive taste easily excused by his role.

Sidious has a distinct advantage in that any obviously violent or cruel end he wishes to pursue can be achieved through Dooku and the Separatist military (want to kill a Jedi who knows too much? Dooku can have Ventress do that. Want Anakin to suffer extra this week? Dooku can arrange that. Want this or that artifact/weapon stolen or destroyed? Dooku can assign a general to do that. Want a clone army? Dooku can get Syfo Dyas to do that. et cetera), and there is no paper trail of any of it. The only way in which Chancellor Palpatine has to get his hands dirty is making the pragmatic decisions necessary to the Republic. "No matter how much more obscure the methods for obtaining those records has become since the Government Information Acts—which she recalls Palpatine calling a deeply unfortunate necessity of these troubled times—were passed, they are still legal."

Long story short, Anakin is special only in the individual attention he receives—he is the microcosm of what Palpatine does to almost everyone he comes into contact with. Invoke trust, take on responsibility, absolve guilt, corrupt. Palpatine's greatest strength is not in his long-term schemes—many of those are set up for him, or mainly managed by Dooku—it is in his opportunism, and that includes in his ability to become the right person for every given moment.

Long story even shorter, Darth Plagueis did not name his apprentice Darth Sneeky McSneekface so people could try and convince me Chancellor Palpatine is randomly rude to people.

Edit: changed some phrasing--nothing substantive