#but so many writers and directors express doubts on them

[princekendallroy]

not gonna enter the sara hess drama bc im tired but lady.. it’s fucking game of thrones, you expect its audience to attach to a paul rudd kind of character?

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/749218521745145857/while-i-love-some-queergay-whatever

“Kissing on the forehead isn’t necessarily romantic” makes sense if we are talking about a work of media that is made in a time/place where that was a common thing between same gender platonic friends.

But are you, anon? Or are you talking about like, a piece of Western mass media from the past 50 years? Or are you talking about anime — because if anything, kissing is even more loaded in Japan than it is in the West, especially if there are other people around. (Lots of people in anime fandom love to use “but Japanese culture” arguments to no homo, but are banking on no one reading them actually knowing jack shit about Japanese culture — because it’s almost never true or based on any real Japanese cultural difference, there’s just making shit up. It assumes people will take for granted anything that frames Japan as “foreign and inscrutable and impossible for Westerners to understand” which is just Orientalism tbqh)

Just saying, because I almost never see this shit said about like, a novel from 1820 or something from a culture like, say, some Middle Eastern countries where men kissing other men platonically is a thing…. and almost always see it said about current media from a culture where kissing on the forehead would be seen as something you’d likely not do to a platonic friend of the same gender.

You can’t “impose your cultural norms” on something from the same culture as you lol, or something from another culture that has the same norm! And an (for example) American assuming that modern American media plays by the rules of modern American culture and seeing it through that lens, doesn’t necessarily mean that American is unaware that different norms exist in different cultures. But like… it just makes sense to analyze a current American show for American audiences set in America in the modern day through the cultural standards of 2020s America and not, say, Bangladesh or Namibia or 1850s America.

And on another note, if you were as much of a fan of “queer readings” as you claim to be, you’d know that they often have little to do with authorial intent. In fact, it’s often specifically about reclaiming media that didn’t have you in mind as the audience.

(Seriously, I really doubt you have read many of those queer readings, bc if this bothers you so much, the stuff queer studies academics and cultural critics see as “gay subtext” in old Hollywood movies — hell, the stuff that gay, bi and sympathetic-straight directors and actors and writers often very much INTENDED as gay subtext in those movies — would make your brain explode.)

Anyway, we’ve all been in fandoms where there’s a ship some people insist has a ton of subtext but it’s just two guys sharing a scene occasionally and they just WANT to believe it’s there when it isn’t, and it can be annoying sure if there are so many people insisting this that it’s inescapable and becoming fanon that affects the fic about the ships you like, or if they’re pushy and sanctimonious about it. (My current fandom has a group of people who insist the only reason other people don’t see all the “subtext” for their random rarepair is racism or something, and then ignore how much textual stuff they have to deliberately leave out or misinterpret for their reading to “work” lol. Like scenes where their starry eyed expression is directed at a different character and that’s obvious in the actual episode but not in their selectively edited gif set or meta post.) But that is not the same as doing that with KISSING ON THE FOREHEAD ffs. And also, let’s not pretend that slash (or femslash) shippers are the worst offenders, like het shippers — and the broader culture — doesn’t constantly treat “a man and a woman interact” as meaning “they could/should be a couple,”

If you’re not bothered by that, but you’re bothered by when people do it with two men or two women… yeah you gotta ask yourself why that is. I have an idea why, and it’s not bc of your greater cultural open mindedness lol

--

[denimbex1986]

'Actors, sometimes known as a “circus of the unemployable,” at least if you ask Cillian Murphy, pretty much have to do what they do. “I can’t do anything else, at all,” the “Oppenheimer” star says, laughing at his own early ambitions to become a lawyer. “It failed catastrophically and was a terrible decision. But I think it’s a need to express yourself in some way, and I’m obsessed with story. And as we become older, we think there’s certain stories I want to tell now. All the films here have something to them; they’re provocative or stimulating or they ask questions in them. That’s the long-winded way of saying there is something potentially useful for the human spirit, maybe.”...

The actors’ strike is over, but one of the contentious issues still out there is AI — how it’s going to be used, what actors’ rights are. Have you guys given that any thought?

Murphy: It was nice when they took [John] Lennon’s voice on that Beatles track [“Now and Then”]. The AI managed to separate it from the piano, and it was so incredible to hear his voice. So ghostly. That’s a good application.

“Oppenheimer” is the largest grossing biopic ever. Could you have imagined that so many people would embrace it?

Murphy: Not at all. We didn’t have any clue that people would respond the way they did, and it’s just the brilliance of Chris [writer-director Christopher Nolan] — he has always presupposed that the audience are super-smart. Which they are. He never panders to them or patronizes the audience. They seem to be ready for this and wanted something that was challenging and provocative and asked questions. But yeah, it was gobsmacking that people went out in those numbers to see it. And multiple times. Which is kind of crackers.

Is there a role you played that changed you?

Murphy: When I was younger, I began to understand empathy through acting. I doubt I ever would’ve been able to learn that or activate that as a young man otherwise if I hadn’t found this. They say the definition of empathy is to walk in someone else’s shoes. That’s all we do.

Cillian, about playing Oppenheimer … as with Rustin, there is historical material you can use – and with Adam Clayton Powell for Jeffrey. What did you find in your research that you felt like you had to bring out, so that it was a truthful portrayal?

Murphy: At the beginning, honestly, I didn’t have a clue. It was so terrifying, you know because he’s such an iconic 20th century figure and the world that we live in now is Oppenheimer’s world because of what happened in ‘45. It’s vast [what’s available] but then you’ve got to not just look at that the whole time because you get overwhelmed. You’ve got to focus on the humanity, and that was my gig, the humanity of it. A lot of people said to me, “So, how are you with quantum mechanics?” [Laughter] That is not my job. [laughs]. People dedicate their lives to that.

And the other thing was, doing an impression — that’s not one of my skill sets. I can’t do that .… Really, it was what is at stake at this point in this scene? And you know, you always know what’s at stake in the bigger picture but, what’s at stake right now between him and his wife, between him and uh, Groves and all these different characters and that was what I focused on every day. You have to do it, go at it bite by bite with those big ones, because otherwise you’re just going to be overwhelmed. A lot of it came from the outside as well. Trying to find how he walked, how he looked. Not trying to do an impression, but stealing little things. Like, he always stood with his hand on his hip in a very jaunty angle.

I think that intelligence is extremely difficult to convey on screen, but I felt like you guys conveyed genius. That this is a guy who’s seeing the world differently. Like when you’re looking at the puddles and the ripples in them — I felt, this guy’s unlocking the secrets to the universe.

Murphy: But I’ve always felt like those guys — it’s a burden. It’s not a gift. His mind is operating on a level where we could only imagine, and all of his contemporaries said that he was the most brilliant of them all. I don’t imagine that’s a happy place, because you’re thinking about things that you know, us mere mortals can’t even conceive of....'

[handsome-jacks-left-eye]

So, life's been hectic, but rest assured, I will still be coming to you all with blog posts, tips and tricks and guides now thay things have calmed down. So.. To ease back into this, let's talk about the Borderlands movie.

Now, I will preface this saying thay I am extremely biased in my opinions. I have been playing Borderlands since the very first game came out. I've played every game god knows how many times, and have dedicated too much of my time into the franchise. So before I begin, I want to state, that these are merely my opinions. If you loved the trailer and are excited for the movie, then awesome! I won't take that away from you. So that being said, let's get into it.

So the Borderlands movie trailer just dropped.. and theres.. well, there's a lot of issues. So let's talk the first big thing: the casting.

Now this is no disrespect to the actors themselves. I think all the actors in this movie are AMAZING actors, however, I don't think they're the right choices for the characters that they are playing. The first one I'm gonna talk about is Claptrap. Now I LOVE Jack Black. I've seen nearly all his movies, I love his band, and I think he's the perfect choice for comedic based movies and characters.. however the biggest thing about Claptrap isn't just the comedy, it's the *voice*. Claptrap doesn't *sound* like Claptrap.. he sounds like Jack Black. Similar to the Chris Pratt/Super Mario situation.. the voice wasn't the character, it was just the actor. That being said, I don't doubt that Jack Black can portray Claptrap in the best comedic manner that our favorite robot deserves, I just don't feel his voice fits the character. I feel with the budget they spent on actors, they could have simply hired Claptraps *actual* voice actor.

The next casting choice I want to talk about is Kevin Hart. I love Kevin Hart, but similar to Jack Black, Kevin Hart is a more comedic actor. He's a comedian. Roland, as we all know, is a stoic man, very close to the chest, hides his emotions. I don't think that's Kevin Hart.

Kevin Hart is perfect for comedic rolls, for snarky, back talking characters. That just.. isn't Roland. Given the way the trailer has portrayed him thus far, it seems their taking a more comedic route with Roland, which just takes away the original allure of his character.

Now Jamie Lee Curtis.. one main issue I have, is that her portrayal make Tannis a lot older than she actually is. Tannis ranges from 20s-40s throughout the timeline of the game, and given that this movie is supposedly taking place before any vaults are open, that would put Tannis in her mid to late 20s. There's also the fact, that Tannis is canonically autistic, and has very little super expressive emotion, and tends to be very blunt and to the point. Now while I'm sure Jamie Lee Curtis can pull that off, i just.. don't think she was the right choice.

Finally, Cate Blanchett. Cate Blanchett is versatile. I love her, from her role in Thor Ragnarok, to LOTR and Oceans 8. Action is Cate Blanchetts thing.. but is she *Lilith*.. Possibly. I have no doubt Catr Blanchett could pull off an AMAZING Lilith, but this choice is going to depend solely on the writers and directors of the movie, and how they want her to play Lilith. This choice is iffy, but we'll see.

Now I can't say much on the other actors as I personally have not heard of any of them, so, there's not much I can say about it. What I can speak on, however, is the costume design.

Now if you have any presence on Twitter (or X), or anywhere where Borderlands is widely spoken about, you may have seen the biggest costume design complaint.. Kriegs mask. Keeping in mind the $100 million budget of the film, which is about the average for films, this costume design is atrocious.

Kriegs mask looks like a cheap piece of plastic given out for pre-order release of Borderlands 3. It looks like something any amateur cosplayer could have made with spare supplies they found in their closet. It's.. Bad..

Now, while Kriegs mask is *my* biggest pet peeve costume design wise, let's about other issues. Liliths hair. Normally, when you wear wigs in film, you try to make it not obvious that it's a wig. Well Liliths wig.. it doesn't look real. It is so clearly a wig, and it looks so unnatural on her. Now yes, Liliths hair has always had that unnatural natural swoop, however the could've simply went with her Borderlands 1 look, where she didn't have that swoop. The rest of her outfit is.. ok. It's not terrible, but it could've been better.

Now Tannis' outfit is.. well, it's an outfit. It doesn't scream "Tannis", but I can't say it's entirely.. bad. I can't quote explain what it is, but something about it just seems off.

The same goes for Tina's outfit. It's not terrible, but there's just something missing. Something that would make it scream "Tiny Tina". As for Roland, I have no complaints there. It's kind of hard to mess up an outfit such as Roland.

Ok, let's talk about the trailer itself now. It's a trailer alright. The first major thing that I noticed, is Liliths lack of tattoos. You know, the major thing about her, her siren abilities. Now, this isn't to say she *doesn't* have siren abilities, as we do see the sign of the firehawk at one point in the trailer.. however, the trailer doesn't showcase her abilities, and every view we get of her arm, we can see there's no tattoos. Seeing as how the movie descriptions online label her as an "infamous outlaw", instead of as a siren or "infamous siren outlaw", it's leading me to believe that she simply.. isn't a siren. Which is a major part of her character. Hell, Sirens are a major part of the overall Borderlands franchise.

So Liliths lack of Siren abilities aside, the trailer overall failed to me as a movie trailer. Trailers, be they for movies or games, to me, should be able to accomplish at the bare minimum two things. One, give the audience a decent overall understanding of what exactly the movie is going to be about.. and two, give you a introduction to the main characters. This trailer failed in both of those.

Over the course of the trailer, we see a lot of action, a lot of familiar faces, and plenty of Borderlands famous raunchy toilet humor. Yet the only thing we really get story wise, is what Lilith says at the beginning, about finding a vault. We get all sorts of characters thrown at our face, and a look at this new Atlas CEO(?) but.. that's about it. Now anyone who's ever played Borderlands knows that it's always about finding a Vault, so.. why can't they give us just a little bit more. From what I've gathered, this movie is about finding the first vault, or at least, the first vault the main group has been able to find.

Which leads me to my next point.. the characters. Now not only did the trailer seem to focus mainly on introducing Roland, Lilith and Claptrap, it seems to majorly ignore the fact that Tima, Krieg and Tannis are the main cast as well. Leading me to another point.. why exactly are Tiny Tina and Krieg in this film? Going off of original lore, which this movie clearly does not care about, it makes zero sense as to why Tina and Krieg would known Roland and Lilith by now. On top of this, where are Mordecai and Brick? They aren't in the trailer, and they aren't in the casting list. On top of this, if we *are* going to bring in Borderlands 2 vault hunters, why is it *only* Krieg? Yes, Krieg is a big fan favorite, but so are Zer0 and Maya, two characters which arguably had more of an effect on the stories than Krieg did.

Another thing that made the trailer just feel bad, was that it felt.. cheap. From the clearly lacking costumes, to the props that look like five minute craft DIY projects, it's clear that a majority of this films budget went towards its casting and CGI for creatures I feel we won't even see that much.

While I could go on for hours about everything my Borderlands perfectionist mind sees wrong with this trailer, I don't want this post to be too long. So, I'll leave it at this.. Will I be seeing this movie? Absolutely. However, I'll be going into it with the same expectations I went into other game based movies with, like Warcraft and Assassins Creed.. hell, even Slenderman. Expecting to be disappointed. That said, if you haven't seen the trailer yourself, I'll leave the link to it. Disagree with me? Awesome! I'd love to hear your take on it, get some new perspectives as to how you all feel about the movie. Again, this is all my opinion, and who knows? Maybe I'm being too harsh.. maybe this movie will end up being amazing! Only time will tell.

[hologramcowboy]

//Gotta say, didn't love the exaggerated faces and fake voice Jensen used during the last episode of Big Sky. I can't help but wonder who keeps telling him to act so histrionically. His career opportunities are bound to stall if he keeps acting so fakely. Please, please, please get a great coach!// - I haven’t been watching big sky this season but I can say from past seasons that the writing on that show is…. not good so I wouldn’t doubt that would maybe add to the bad/overacting. But outside of BS, I think this is something we saw happening over the years as Dean and he seems to have gotten stuck there apparently. Dean started off as a deep layered character with much more subtle acting… but as the writing on spn went downhill and the writers seemed to lose focus on what made the characters special, they started to write Dean (and many other characters) as almost a caricatures of what he once was. They made Dean the over the top “funny guy” who over-acted a lot of his scenes. Yes, he could still pull some moving and more nuanced performances when needed but that’s not how they wrote him anymore. Look at any later season ep and you’ll see him pulling over exaggerated faces and definitely over-acting. Late season Dean became more of a joke, and not a good one. But Jensen got comfortable on spn and didn’t push himself and just fell into whatever they wrote. I think that was how he last acted in spn he he seemed to get stuck there. You could see it in TB too. I know so many of his fans complimented his micro expressions but the truth is, a lot of it wasn’t micro at all, it was in your face. When you didn’t see him actively thinking about what his next acting choice in the scene would be, then he was usually overacting (it’s why I think JDM would have been better as SB, he’s got that cocky swagger down to a science and even when he is over the top, it works for what he brings to the characters. But he can also do the subtleties well too). And then he landed on BS which has really terrible writing (I watched s1 and tried s2 but it was getting worse) and that’s actually a complaint I’ve seen a lot about the show - the writing is bad and makes the characters feel awkward and Jensen is falling back into what he did last time he had bad writing…

There's a common misconception I want to cear:

No one on set, not the producer, showrunner, director, especially not the writer tells an actor HOW to play his character. The very reason said actor is hired is to bring HIS version of the character. If we look at the scripts from SPN nowehere did the writers make Dean into an over the top caricature of himself, that was an acting choice made by Jensen(though they did write him one dimensionally in certain aspects and you beautifully described what they switched to over time). My point is, it's the Actor that creates the final version of the character and any layer said character might have. For whatever reason (possibly feedback from his no talent wife?), Jensen thinks those over the top faces he makes are believable and sellable and he is relying on them more and more, to the point of seeming more like a depressed clown than an actor. Sorry, I may seem harsh but currently, within the industry, they are looking for Actors who live the part not those who "act" and Jensen falls into the old generation of soap stars who fake their way through scenes without doing due diligence on it. His emotional prep leaves much to be desired and he resort to gimmicks instead. I'm never going to get tired of saying this, I hope Jensen calls a coach like Fine, Moss, Lyndon, Chubbuck because he needs one on his side if he plans on ever making it big and especially if he plans on shifting tiers.

JDM would have been a perfect choice for SB, he would have added all the missing layers and power dynamics that Jensen failed to bring, in part because he was grossly miscast.

Also, just to let you know, I adored reading your post because I love when people pick up on the subtleties of someone's acting, especially when they are able to explain everything so beautifully. Thank you 💕

[deanismysavior]

Omg i'm so sorry, i'm the one who asked about if you have doubt in byler now - i am not a milkvan and i'm sorry my ask came off as rude. :( I kinda suck at interpreting the things people say on the internet sometimes especially bc i sometimes have a hard time realizing things are jokes in the written form, or that people were just commenting on the general dryness/poor writing on the script. I misinterpreted many people saying the script was dry as them having doubts in byler, which i now realize wasn't right! Sorry about it again. I love your blog!

Omg don't be sorry! I just get several asks in my inbox from people who are fishing, so it's always hard to tell. I apologize that our wires got crossed and that I didn't answer it genuinely.

The reason I don't have doubt both comes from the fact that the scripts didn't really give us any more insight into the scene, aside from the ordering of the names in the final shot and didn't give us a look into any of the symbolism or staging behind these shots (If this script is legit, then a lot of those director choices came in after this was drafted to better convey the intended message), and the fact that I'm not entirely convinced that these scripts weren't just pulled out of the ST Writers account's ass in like 2 minutes bc the writing was so poor. I'm not really sure where I stand on scriptgate atm, but I know they're not trying to intentionally give things away right now.

That being said, I am always going to hold more weight in what has been shown to us on screen, as this combines not only the writing, but the explicit intentional costuming, staging, set design, facial expressions, etc. Basically, we shouldn't really be basing too much of our interpretations of the show on only one element that goes into creating the bigger picture.

I hope this helps and makes sense! So sorry again about that mix up!

[nsfwhiphop]

Incoming Text for @YesJulz: Let me explain the secret power of writers, authors, particularly screenwriters, to YesJulz: Hey Julz, I want to share something intriguing about writers with you. Have you ever noticed that screenwriters are often very private individuals? It's fascinating, isn't it? Despite the fact that no one really knows what they look like or has ever seen their faces, they wield incredible influence and make a significant impact in Hollywood and the book business. Let me delve into why this is such a powerful and enticing career path, and why I think it could be an amazing fit for you. Firstly, consider the allure of anonymity. In a world where fame often seems like the ultimate goal, the mystique surrounding writers is refreshing. By remaining behind the scenes, writers can focus purely on their craft without the distractions that come with public recognition. This allows them to pour their entire selves into their work, creating stories that resonate deeply with audiences. Moreover, the financial success that many writers enjoy speaks volumes about the value of their talent. Despite their anonymity, their words have the power to captivate millions, leading to best-selling books and blockbuster movies. Imagine having the ability to touch the hearts and minds of people around the world with your storytelling prowess. Listen, Julz, I've seen your tweets, I've read them since the early 2010s, and it's evident that you have a natural gift for writing. Your words have a way of drawing people in and making them feel something. Just think about the incredible stories you could bring to life as an author and screenwriter. Your imagination knows no bounds, and I have no doubt that you would excel in this field. Writing isn't just a career—it's a calling. It's about sharing your unique perspective with the world and leaving a lasting impact through your words. I truly believe that you have what it takes to thrive as a writer, and I'm here to support you every step of the way. So, Julz, why not embrace your passion for writing and embark on this exciting journey? The world is waiting to be enchanted by your stories, and I can't wait to see where your creativity takes you.

This is my Tumblr page, don't forget that my tumblr page is like a Virtual film school, here you can learn a lot about screenwriting and you can find these lessons in my archives, I have a plethora of books on screenwriting along with numerous videos dedicated to this craft. These resources provide invaluable insights into the art of screenwriting. Don't hesitate to dive into them and dedicate time to learning. With commitment and dedication, you have the potential to become a brilliant screenwriter within the next two years. So, seize the opportunity to absorb the knowledge and hone your skills." I want to see your movies on our screens because I know you have a lot of talent, you write a lot on twitter and instagram, I believe in your talent.

I'm confident that your talent deserves to be showcased on the big screen, given the wealth of creativity you express on Twitter and Instagram. I believe wholeheartedly in your abilities.

Consider rallying your closest friends, your girlfriends, your BFFs, and encourage them to dedicate their weekends to screenwriting. By setting aside every Saturday and Sunday exclusively for this purpose, you'll find that having their support and collaboration will accelerate the completion of your screenplays.

Every saturday and sunday, two days in the week just for screenwriting, this will help you finish your screenplays faster because you have your besties working on the screenplays with you.

You could even establish your own screenwriting girl-group with friends from Twitter, like 'Curry Queen', 'Rubi Rose', and 'Tanaya Henry' and '@Vashtie' as your film director. I'm sure together, you can inspire and motivate each other to reach new heights in your screenwriting endeavors.

Also, don't forget that there is a lot of money in filmmaking, that's why I encourage you to share this knowledge with your girlfriends in Miami, teach them this new money making idea, show them that there is a way out of poverty and filmmaking is a lucrative field, there is so much money in filmmaking but your girls have to get organized, you have to meet people in the independent filmmaking industry and make movies with your besties, you will have a lot of fun.

I encourage you to focus on filmmaking and take a break from the Music world because filmmaking is where the money is for you and your besties.

Here are a few Film production companies in America that will agree to fund your films, see these wiki page links:

Here is a wiki page of all the Film production companies in America, click the link below:

Here is a wiki page of all the Film production companies in the U.K, click the link below:

Here is a wiki page of all the Film production companies in France, click the link below:

Now that you have all this knowledge about film companies in America, France and the United Kingdom, I encourage you to chase these film contracts, secure the bags in the film industry.

You can call this woman for advice, she is a French woman and she is the best friend of Natalie Portman, her name is Sophie Mas, this is her Imdb page, click the link: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0556021/?ref_=nm_mv_close

Sophie Mas will become your Godmother in French cinema, call her for advice when you need funding from French film companies, she will give you the support you need in France.

Read this article about Natalie Portman's film production company with her bestie Sophie Mas, click the link: https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-features/sophie-mas-may-december-film-natalie-portman-1235598421/

Fun Fact: "Natalie & Sophie Mas are co-founders of this independent film company and they are looking for talented women like you, if you have a dope screenplay, you go to see them and they will help you find producers to fund your movies."

In conclusion, my dear @YesJulz, I encourage you to motivate your besties, your BFFs and your girl-gangs to chase the film industry money, there is a lot of money in the film industry and you can do this, if you get organized.

Also, call this U.K. man, his name is Kano (@therealkano), he is an old school friend of @Debbycoda from the United Kingdom.

He has a lot of friends in the film business in U.K. and America, so don't hesitate to call him and ask your friend @DebbyCoda to introduce you to him.

Important Reminder: "To help you finish your screenplays faster, quicker, use a voice-recorder and tell all your girls to use a voice-recorder to record their ideas for the screenplay. Never forget that your IDEAS are the Most Important Part of the screenplay, so keep writing down your ideas, ideas, ideas, and then some more ideas until you have hundreds of ideas and then, and only then, you start writing your screenplay, it's a very simple creative process that helps you finish the screenplay faster. First you write down your ideas and then Second you start building your screenplay by using those ideas.

Okay, my dear sister Julz, this chat was fun, I wish you success and good luck in the film business.

Love you, YesJulz! Have fun, big hug for you!

P.S.: Kano (@therealkano) is a good friend of Debby Coda and he is an actor too, he works with Drake, see picture below:

[third-generation-female-warrior]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @nightfall-1409, so, here we go!

How many works do you have on ao3?

A proud 11!

What’s your total ao3 word count?

321, 918 published, a godly amount of unknown beyond.

What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars, The Bad Batch specifically.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Not to brag or anything, but you might recognize some of my classics like: Tales From Marauder Lane, Remnants of the Republic, The Boy Who Came to Dinner, The Rumor at the End of the Hall, and The Way Forward

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Of course! I love interacting with my readers and going "director's cut" on them.

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The Way Forward by far. It's that sad but hopeful ending, I cried writing the whole damn fic, but that ending, OH, it still gets me.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The Boy Who Came to Dinner. Super cute, wholesome family hijinks.

Do you get hate on fics?

No, but I have gotten some REALLY passive aggressive remarks and not very constructive criticism.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No, I want to, haha, but I don't think it would be good. I'm very much a tasteful fade-to-black kind of person. We'll see, though. If I write smut, I know what I want to write, and it will probably be published anonymously.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Technically, yes(??) Jedi: the Video Game Series and Bad Batch Crossover, but I guess, since it’s all in the Star Wars universe, not really.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, thankfully. *knocks on wood*

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I have worked on translating a person's not-use of Mando'a for another person's fic. Like, the section was in English, but it was supposed to be Mando'a. Still working up the courage to tell them...

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, in the days of old. I miss it.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oof. You're talking to a multi-shipper. For example, Merrical has my heart right now, but I have also written some Cal KestisxOmega stuff and I loved doing that, and I do have some MerrinxOmega stuff on the backburner of my mind, but that’s neither here nor there.

15. What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Oof… probably… This Night, For Them. Painful admission…

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’ve been praised for my dialogue, nailing down character voices and such. I think I also have intricate and interesting concepts.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I wish I could write more emotion. I feel like I’m not emotional enough, I wish I had more of a prose-y style.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

It comes weirdly natural for me. I do have bilingual or multi-lingual characters, and I just kinda… understand how that works, how they would say or express themselves and when they would slip into native tongue.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Ninjago. That’s all I’m going to say on that.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I’m torn between Remnants of the Republic or Tales From Marauder Lane. I will go back and re-read both and be like, “This shit was genius. I wish I could bottle this” and I loved the fan reactions from them. Remnants, I think, will be my answer, if I had to pick one, I just LOVED that, and I loved writing it.

I don't have anything to add, but I hope people who like my fics are patient with me, I'm sorry for the haitus!

[yegarts]

“I Am YEG Arts” Series: Steve Pirot

Photo by Marc Chalifoux

Grow where you’re planted. Steve Pirot certainly did—and has never stopped. That desire to express his growth and curiosity is something he champions not only for himself but others. iHuman Studios is where he accomplishes both, serving the needs of young and emerging artists, while strengthening a community to which he belongs. But that’s not the only place Pirot’s mark can be found. As an actor, director, and writer, he’s worked with most of Edmonton’s theatre companies… in the city that made him an artist… and the only place he’d ever call home.

Artist, absurdist, and rhyme-loving dreamer—this week’s “I Am YEG Arts” story belongs to Steve Pirot.

Tell us about your connection to Edmonton and why you’ve made it your home.

Edmonton is my beat because Edmonton made me. If I had been raised in a different city I would be made differently, but I was born here. And then—after that—I grew up here, and then—after that—I kept on growing up here, and then—after that—my rhythms had become so tuned to this place that any time I’ve been presented with the idea of relocation, I rediscover that I don’t want to make my home anywhere else. So here I am. What I didn’t know when I was 20, but can see clearly now, is that Edmonton in the 80s was disproportionately fertile ground for a young person curious about artistic experiences. That is kind of how being born here made me into an artist. It could have made me into something else, but I don’t think another city would have made me into an artist.

When you were first starting out, what was it about the arts that made you feel like you might belong there?

I don’t think I ever asked “where do I belong?” but rather “where can I serve?” (Maybe those were the same thing?).

In my early 20s, after a childhood obsessed with athletics, I kind of stumbled into theatre knowing almost nothing about it, and many people wondered what I was doing there. Mostly, “there” was the U of A Drama Department, and “when” was the late 80s when that department was producing lots of shows but was comparatively light on enrolment. So, there was always something for an undergrad to do, and I took advantage of that. I also took advantage of the non-profit arts organizations that needed volunteers, and I actually received more than I gave. For example: I was meeting professional artists, learning how organizations were structured, how to splice tape, how to coil cable, how to set up a box office, how to patch lights, how to print posters, how to distribute posters, how to get a keg, how to tap a keg, and who to talk to to get the real answers. I was peeking behind the curtain and building the beginning of my network. I didn’t know I was doing that, but that is what I was doing. Somewhere along that path came the sense that I belonged there because people stopped asking what I was doing there.

Tell us about someone who mentored you or helped set you on your path.

Just one? If I had to select one above all others it would be Tom Peacocke (leader, founder, major-general of the U of A’s BFA Acting program), but... that’s not unique only to my personal path. Tom trained a small army of theatre artists over the years, of which I was one of many beneficiaries. He was certainly the most important role model for me when it comes to the part of my path that is dedicated to serving the needs of young and emerging artists.

That said, I think I’d rather nominate one of the people who didn’t encourage me as my “someone who set me on my path.” I won’t name them. I won’t even say they were wrong, but having someone doubt my potential was even more motivating than confirming someone’s confidence. My path became more personalized and focused when I had something to prove.

Apocalypse Prairie, photo by Marc Chalifoux

What themes are you drawn to as a storyteller?

To Dream is my favourite theme is to Dream, because first of all, rhyming: and then (b) the things that happen in our Dreams are not limited by the laws of (i) Time, (ii) Space, and (iii) Gravity... or Grammar for that matter, and fifthly because the Wild Rumpus that happens in my Dreams puts my Waking Life shenanigans to shame, and lastly because Dreams are something I don’t need to have to explain to someone because Dreams are a Universal Machine and first of all Dreams are Dreams, and Associative Logic is my favourite kind of logic and have you ever heard of a Tangent before or even a RUN ON SENTENCE full of irrational Nonsense because as an Absurdist I just have to say that have you ever noticed that when we gather people into a theatre to be an audience how often we ask them to sit still and sit quietly in comfy chairs and then we turn out the lights and tell them stories kind of like we’re asking them to fall asleep together for a little while but for a little once upon a time watch a story, a Bedtime Story, together kind of like almost like sort of like a Dream a Collective Dream and like maybe that’s a working definition of what culture is, a Collective Dream, Maybe Culture Is Our Collective Dream? Dreams.

Tell us a little about your role with iHuman Youth Society and what makes it special to you and the city.

iHuman Studios is both an Edmonton-based multi-disciplinary studio system and the artist collective of 12-to-24-year-olds who inhabit those spaces. Our mission is to transform trauma-informed experiences into experiences of purpose, self-worth, identity, and belonging. The primary tool we use to accomplish that goal is the arts.

I’ve been associated indirectly with iHuman since 2001 and have been employed as Artistic Director since 2016. My primary roles are the day-to-day supervision of the studio system and to represent our artists’ interests when they have opportunities to express themselves in the broader community. Working at iHuman fulfills a personal need to believe I’m using my skills in service of something more important than myself. I think iHuman is something Edmontonians should value because it is evidence that as a city we are aware that the playing field is uneven, and that we care to do something about it.

Alyson Dicey and Steve Pirot, photo by Majka Czprynski.

What does community mean to you, and where do you find it?

Community is a... system... or a network... a web... a lattice... a matrix? An ecosystem! Community is an ecosystem of... interlaced and interdependent individual entities that are... that are. They just are. They are interlaced and interdependent and... probably have common interests, but not necessarily common agreement on how to pursue those interests. And I don’t think that’s the type of answer the question was hoping for, but... it’s kind of like asking what oxygen means to me. I don’t know what it means to me, but I know that it’s all around me, andthat I take it for granted, and that if I don’t have it I’ll die. And that if I try to access it and it’s not there... then something has catastrophically gone wrong.

Tell us about a lesson you’ve had to learn more than once.

Nobody can read my mind.

Who’s someone inspiring you right now?

In Dylan Thomas’s A Child’s Christmas In Wales, the narrator speaks of “the distant speaking of the voices I sometimes hear a moment before sleep,” and that is what inspires me these days. Voices that are too far away from me to understand what they are saying, but clear enough that I can dig how they are saying it. I’m inspired more by the sounds of voices, rather than WHAT the voices have to say. I dig the music of the voices. I am inspired by the distant speaking of voices until those human voices wake me... and also by Kendrick Lamar.

When you think YEG arts, what are the first three things, people, or places that come to mind?

I’d usually say the Edmonton Arts Council as my #1, but given that this is an EAC platform, I’ll shake it up.

I’m putting The Fringe Festival as my #1 because it speaks to Edmonton as a festival city, to Edmonton’s place in the international arts scene, to how we are looked at as a leader in a North American context, to how arts activity can transform the identity of a neighbourhood, and it’s been a place of nascence for so many of the artists, companies, and audiences that inform the rest of the performing arts scene in Edmonton.

My #2 is the University of Alberta’s Faculty of Extension because of the groundwork dating back to the 1920s for a province-wide program of arts-and-culture education, the creation of the CKUA network, The Banff Centre For The Arts, Studio Theatre, all of the fine arts programs at the University of Alberta, and more. Remove that history of activity, and Edmonton doesn’t have the foundation upon which so much has been built in the past century.

And my #3 is The Artery. Yes, its legacy continues with The Aviary, but The Artery is more important in my mind because it got torn down. It is, therefore, part of history now and needs to be remembered as one of those dirty and dark, low-tech spaces that we will always need for an independent scene to thrive. As my #3, it stands for scores of spaces in Edmonton that had their moment: The Haven, The Living Room Play House, the Dance Factory, Studio E, Chess House, The Multi-Purpose Rumpus Room, Spazio Performativo, The Ortona Armoury, Wunderbar, and all those other spaces that I have forgotten about or have never heard of.

Describe your perfect day in Edmonton. How do you spend it?

A typical satisfying day in Edmonton involves: dropping off my skates for sharpening at Totem Outfitters, then buying a sandwich at Farrow, a coffee at Transcend, a book (or five) at Glass, a pint of ice cream at Kind, then back to Totem to pick up my skates for a late-night skate.

Want more YEG Arts Stories? We’ll be sharing them here all year and on social media using the hashtag #IamYegArts. Follow along! Click here to learn more about iHuman Youth Society.

Steve on top of the old Roxy Theatre, photo by Jill Connell.

About Steve Pirot

Steve Pirot (a.k.a., Unkl Stiv) is an Edmonton-based artist and administrator who has been the Artistic Director of iHuman Studios since 2016. Prior to that he was the Festival Director of Nextfest for 16 years, an Artistic Producer with Azimuth Theatre, an Artistic Associate of The Edgewise Ensemble, and a cast-member/writer of The 11:02 Show. As an actor, director, and writer he has worked with most of Edmonton’s theatre companies and has also presented work in Vancouver, Calgary, Winnipeg, Ottawa, and London, UK. He holds both a B.A. Drama and a B.F.A. Acting from the University of Alberta, has been nominated for a Sterling Award on six occasions, and regularly contributes to arts-based juries and forums. He’s written some plays, he’s acted in a few short films, and has a handful of credits for video game voice-overs. He has been participating in spoken-word open mics for over a decade and is currently working on a one-man show based on spoken-word forms, which will be presented at the 2023 Edmonton Fringe.

[dweemeister]

Best Animated Short Film Nominees for the 94th Academy Awards (2022, listed in order of appearance in the shorts package)

NOTE: Because moviegoing carries risks at this time, please remember to follow health and safety guidelines as outlined by your local, regional, and national health officials.

This blog, since 2013, has been the site of my write-ups to the Oscar-nominated short film packages – a personal tradition for myself and for this blog. This omnibus write-up goes with my thanks to the Regency South Coast Village in Santa Ana, California for providing all three Oscar-nominated short film packages. If you are in the United States and Canada, find which theaters are showing the Oscar-nominated short films here. Without further ado, here are the nominees for the Best Animated Short Film at this year’s Oscars. Films predominantly in a language other than English are listed with their nation(s) of origin.

As this is the tenth time I have seen the animated (and live-action) short film Oscar-nominated short film packages (since February 2012, missing 2014), I wanted to thank all those who have watched these films with me over the years – whether virtually, in-person, or in spirit. It has been my privilege to share these films with you.

Robin Robin (2021)

If the name Aardman Animations doesn’t ring a bell, perhaps their filmography does. The British stop-motion clay animation studio is responsible for the Wallace and Gromit and Shaun the Sheep films, in addition to standalone features such as Chicken Run (2000). Directed and co-written by Dan Ojari and Mikey Please (Sam Morrison is the third writer), Robin Robin is Aardman’s first foray into needlefelt stop-motion. Here, a family of mice adopts a baby robin (Bronte Carmichael), and they decide to raise her like a mouse (Adeel Akhtar voices Dad Mouse). Sometime later over Yuletide, the mice bring Robin along to their nighttime raid to help pilfer food from a “Who-Man” house. A mix-up brings Robin in the company of Magpie (Richard E. Grant), who has eyes set on a Christmas tree star to add to his collection, and a malicious cat (Gillian Anderson) looking for her next meal.

Robin Robin is a wholesome, if slight, delight for all of its brisk thirty-two minutes – deserving of becoming a family holiday tradition. As charming as the premise and execution are, the film contains some of the best animation in Aardman’s history. The animators sewed together at least five puppets of each major character, with a grand total of seventy-five puppets in use over eight months of filming. If, going into a first viewing of this film, one doubts that felt characters with googly eyes could be as expressive as any stop-motion character before them, be ready to have those expectations exceeded. So seamless are the characters’ movements that two people who I had the pleasure of seeing this with at first thought this film was computer-animated. The design and lighting of Robin Robin’s wintry wonderland – from the kitchens laden with food and the snowy exteriors – is immaculate, to the point where one almost forgets this is an animated short film. This is yet another stunning achievement from Aardman, befitting a studio that remains one of the standard-bearers for stop-motion animation.

My rating: 8.5/10

Boxballet (2021, Russia)

Kazakhstan-born director Anton Dyakov once taught children at an art school. During “free topic, free choice” time, he would notice that most of the boys would draw sportsmen (boxers, footballers) and the girls opted for dancers and ballerinas. As an inside joke to his friends, he would say that to make a film with a boxer and a ballerina would appeal to both. Many years later, those art school memories intertwine in the dialogue-free Boxballet, an allegorical film that waits until the last second to reveal its late Soviet-era underpinnings. It is 1991 in Soviet Russia. Evgeny is a boxer, bruised and bludgeoned over his many years in the ring. Olga is a ballerina who is facing pressure to return the invasive and unwanted affections of her ballet director so that she may play the title role in Adolphe Adam’s Giselle. Our two protagonists meet accidentally, and set off on an unlikely relationship from there.

The timing of Boxballet’s Oscar nomination during Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine is a curious coincidence. When one realizes the film allegorizes the collapse of the Soviet Union, it is all the more curiouser. Olga’s ballet director and his behavior is a stand-in for the old Soviet state – its corruption, its obsolescence, its paper-thin strength. Her eventual decisions in the film are reflective of what democratic-minded Russians could envision for themselves in the early years of the pre-Putin Russian Federation. Evgeny and Olga, mulling their future together, also make their choices in light of the unpredictable chaos the future will later reveal. Elsewhere, the extreme contrast in the character designs strengthen the comedic elements of the film – physical (see the differences in boxer and ballerina movement) and romantic. Dyakov, working alongside for the first time with Melnitsa Animation Studio animators (2015’s We Can’t Live Without Cosmos), endows Boxballet with an intimacy that feels unexpected, but fully earned.  

My rating: 7.5/10

Affairs of the Art (2021)

Most first-time viewers of Joanna Quinn’s Affairs of the Art might be surprised to learn that this is the latest film in a series. Quinn, best-known for creating the Charmin bears, has been telling the story of her anti-heroine, Beryl with Girls Night Out (1987), Body Beautiful (1990), Dreams & Desires: Family Ties (2006). In Affairs of the Art, we meet Beryl’s (Menna Trussler) family: husband Ifor, sister Beverly, and son Colin. Since viewers last met Beryl, she is now, “drinking through the cup of creativity” in using her body (and the reluctant Ifor) as an artistic subject. Her artistic instincts have consumed her – something that she compares to the obsessions of, through narrated flashbacks, Beverly (a taxidermist with a crush on Vladimir Lenin who yours truly believes is a psychopath) and Colin (anything of technical complexity). The disjointed structure and rambling narration are purposeful, as this latest nominee from the oft-nominated National Film Board of Canada (NFB) revels in its dark humor.

Is Affairs of the Art an unhinged ode to creating art or a spiel from a person who remains high-functioning despite a mental disorder? However one analyzes the film and whether or not you gel with its absurd and graphic comedy as written by Les Mills (Mills also wrote the previous Beryl-starring short films), Quinn’s movie is a stylistic wonder. Despite its rough pencil strokes to outline its characters and foregrounds, Quinn’s pencil animation keeps character animation unexpectedly fluid. The viewer can feel the weight of characters and intuit their gait in just a few seconds of screentime. For the first time in a short film starring Beryl, dialogue occurs on-screen. Quinn, who did not want to go through the trouble of syncing dialogue and animation, found that this process aided her film. The lip sync is an integral part of her characters’ acting. In conjunction with their designs, this provides Affairs of the Art a vitality that Quinn’s prior Beryl movies do not have.

My rating: 6.5/10

Bestia (2021, Chile)

Similar to the Academy Award-winning Bear Story six years ago, Bestia requires context for non-Chileans in order for them to fully appreciate the film. In 1973, a CIA-backed military coup d’état overthrew a democratically-elected socialist government. Its replacement was a junta headed by General Augusto Pinochet. With American assistance, Pinochet’s regime kidnapped, tortured, and executed political opponents through 1990 – several thousand desaparecidos (“disappeared”) remain unaccounted for. Hugo Covarrubias’ Bestia (“Beast”) follows a woman who resembles Íngrid Olderöck (“La mujer de los perros”), an infamous member of the Chilean secret police (DINA) who committed rapes and torture with a dog. The first half of Bestia follows our protagonist (“Íngrid”) as she goes about her silent, regimented morning routine with her canine companion. From the moment we meet Íngrid, the droning and unsettling score from Ángela Acuña immediately hints that what is about to occur will disturb the audience.

Bestia then spends the remainder of its time excavating the depths of Ingrid’s mentality – her casually violent thoughts and dreams, the callousness of her work, the mental detachment she adopts in order to be at terms with herself. If you have not seen this film and have read this far, you are probably imagining, accurately, the cinematic approach Bestia takes to show the calm in how Íngrid commits atrocities. As a stop-motion film, Bestia makes a key decision to represent its characters as porcelain dolls rather than clay or felt figures. Where most animated shorts wish to exaggerate character emotions and movements, Bestia distinguishes itself – and strengthens this personal portrait – by adopting the antithesis. As an inexpressive porcelain doll, Íngrid embodies the gruesome banality of her existence, never allowing the audience any tonal reprieve even in the closing seconds of the film.

Other writers, upon learning that Olderöck survived a 1981 assassination attempt, have bemoaned the she never received any punishment for her crimes in life. A little more than a week after viewing Bestia, I would not be so sure.

My rating: 8/10

The Windshield Wiper (2021)

The Windshield Wiper is a Spanish-American co-production directed by Alberto Mielgo. Mielgo has an eclectic visual résumé befitting the fascinating look of his newest film, including art direction on the television series Tron: Uprising, visual consultant on Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018), and as director on an episode of Netflix’s Love, Death & Robots. As visually stunning as The Windshield Wiper is, its shapelessness is a detriment. The film begins with a lonely, cigarette-puffing man asking, “what is love?” For the remaining fifteen minutes of The Windshield Wiper, Mielgo presents various scenes of love – a couple lounging on a beach, two people at a grocery store oblivious to each other while swiping away on a Tinder-like app, a homeless man exclaiming how much he misses someone. These fragments, connected by the slenderest of threads, have little to offer about or on the opening question.

Appearing like an incompletely-rendered Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, The Windshield Wiper’s stripped-down CGI animation is interesting to behold. At a time when CGI has unfortunately become the overwhelming default in American mainstream animation, The Windshield Wiper’s aesthetic serves as counterbalance. Mielgo appears that is he attempting a discourse on how modernity has filtered out genuine love, but the loosely-edited vignettes prevent much of the intended pathos. The film’s title, according to Mielgo, derives from the action of raindrops being cleared by a windshield wiper while driving. A pattern of rain appears differently each time, as does love. His film is approaching the avant garde, which – as Mielgo notes himself – will easily divide audiences in how they perceive his dense filmmaking.

My rating: 7/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found in the “Ratings system” page on my blog (as of July 1, 2020, tumblr is not permitting certain posts with links to appear on tag pages, so I cannot provide the URL).

From previous years: 85th Academy Awards (2013), 87th (2015), 88th (2016), 89th (2017), 90th (2018), 91st (2019), 92nd (2020), and 93rd (2021).

For more of my reviews tagged “My Movie Odyssey”, check out the tag of the same name on my blog.

[blackswaneuroparedux]

For me, filmmaking combines everything. That’s the reason I’ve made cinema my life’s work. In films, painting and literature, theatre and music come together. But a film is still a film.

- Akira Kurosawa, Something Like an Autobiography    

In the late 1970s, during the long years of waiting for international and domestic funding to come together to produce Kagemusha, Akira Kurosawa returned to the pastime of his youth - he painted. Working fast and furiously, each day turning out scores of sketches and paintings, Kurosawa accumulated a unique body of work that was born as much out of despair and frustration as from a passion to create. One after another, he pulled from his mind’s eye the images he visualised for the epic drama and set down on paper the scenes he ached to re-create on film.

Kurosawa began his career as a painter and had always been skilled at drawing. He decided he wanted to be an artist in his teens and later became increasingly associated with what came to be called the Japan Proletariat Artists’ Group. Strongly influenced by the mannerist styles of contemporary German expressionism and Soviet realism, the young Kurosawa’s painting was forthright and dramatic: human figures rendered in powerful calligraphic lines and bold primary colours. His decision in the late 1930s to turn from painting to film was impelled by many factors, including intensified political pressure from the Japanese militarist government against artists and liberal writers, the need to find a more stable livelihood, and the suicide of his elder brother, who had been deeply engaged in the film industry. 

Unlike directors who are drawn to filmmaking by purely literary instincts, Kurosawa turned to the medium to express his visual imagination as much as his narrative interests. From the outset, he was known for the care he lavished on storyboards, which he drew himself. The visual richness of all his films grew systematically out of the precise sketches and detailed storyboards he prepared for them. Scripts were almost always written in collaboration with two or three writing partners, but Kurosawa reserved for himself the translation of prose scenes into visual images. It was a process of linking eye and brain that had always been his favourite way of working, and indeed he knew no other.

But the case of Kagemusha was different. In the past, working at his customary fast pace, Kurosawa had been able to produce a new film almost every year. During his first three decades as a director, when the work was going well, his sketches and drawings had sprung immediately into three-dimensional life, in a matter of only days or weeks. But by the time of Kagemusha, he was having great difficulty finding support for his projects, and the pace of filmmaking had slowed. So for nearly four years - as he waited for funding to come through for Kagemusha - he “directed” his actors and scenes in his head, and set down his mental images in complex, full-scale paintings.

Over time, the images for Kagemusha grew more complex - and darker. The original fable, about a great warlord impersonated by a boorish ruffian thief, gradually took on epic proportions as an allegory about human folly and ambition. The paintings that had begun as simple sketches came to be populated with huge armies of foot soldiers surging into battle against cavalries of mounted warriors and phalanxes of riflemen. As Kurosawa’s spirits darkened with the passage of time and his increasing doubts that the film would ever get made, so too did his palette and the psychological attributes of his characters.

Eventually, thanks to the support of two of Kurosawa’s most celebrated admirers, American directors Francis Ford Coppola and George Lucas, Kagemusha did finally go into production, early in 1979. The filming was beset with delays and difficulties (all of which received disproportionate attention from the insatiable Japanese media, hungry to document another Kurosawa failure), but in the end the creative vision of Kurosawa prevailed. The paintings and drawings he had agonised over for nearly half a decade found their true life in a film whose epic grandeur harked back to the masterpieces of Sergei Eisenstein or David Lean, and in the view of many film critics and historians even transcended them.

Arguably more than any of his other films it is Kagemusha, is the film that finally bring together the energy of a passionate young artist and the genius of a mature master of film.

**Photo: Akira Kurosawa on the set of Kagemusha (1980)

[zoufantastical]

How do you feel now that you know that you were always wrong about Loki and Sylvie's relationship?

They are fucking canon baby~ the director, the writer and Tom confirmed it and this without mentioning the episode lol

They will definitely kiss in the last episode

Is Loki really “in love” with Sylvie?

In an attempt to give the writers the benefit of the doubt regarding episode 4, I’m going to address that scene the whole village is talking about (mostly because I have a lot of annoying asks of y’all going “na na na na na it’s canon1!1!”).

Recap: who is this Loki? (You can skip this if you want)

This is 2012 Loki. Before the TVA captured him, he had a rough year (or couple of years). He found out he was a frostgiant, basically taught to hate their own race, found out he was never going to be king of Asgard, tried to commit suicide once he realized (and felt) he wasn’t as loved as Thor even by his “friends”, then unfortunately was captured by the Other and Thanos, fed lies of promises that they will be king in return they must acquire the space stone with the help of the mind stone, then Midgard will be all theirs…except that not only did he lose but they lost both the space and mind stone. They have a bounty on his head since he was threatened with torture and death.

Why am I saying all this if theirs a chance of being told “I already know this what’s the point” by a Loki stan?

To REMIND you this Loki has been through SHIT. THEY are not in the greatest state of mind. Add to the fact that he just watched a recap of a life they will never return to, watched their family die and themselves by the hand of Thanos. Giving up much hope of a life outside the TVA only to find out the latter is a sham of a organization run by god knows who.

Loki more than likely never had the chance to truly express themselves. To truly confess how much they care about someone. The moment he does and feels something different, they caused a damn nexus event. Loki just saw the one person who gave them a chance and believed in them wholeheartedly pruned to existence. This is layers of trauma. Sylvie had a chance of being by theirself, so they know what it’s like to be alone- they had time to develop a harder shell in order to protect themselves and survive. Loki didn’t have that chance. The circumstances he lived didn’t give them a chance. He is emotionally vulnerable.

I truly believe the scene of pretending to “confess” to a being such as yourself in the midst of utter chaos and confusion is a red herring. It also adds since Mobius made a big deal about how truly sick and disturbing would it be. How it’s not meant to be (and probably how even both of them feeling something [doesn’t have to be romance]) damn near cause a nexus event never before seen.

There’s also the ambiguity of the whole thing. Sylvie doesn’t look like they feel the same way and I have a feeling they might not return the same feelings IF they make it seem Loki is “in love” with Sylvie (something utterly unrealistic).

One thing I really want to get out of the way is how unhealthy this will be IF they go the route of uniting Loki and Sylvie. Putting aside the many implications I already discussed about selfcest, these people have TRAUMA.

T R A U M A

Getting into a relationship when both parties have undeniable buckets upon buckets of trauma is UNHEALTHY. IT IS TOXIC. I want you all to understand that TRAUMA BONDING is a real thing and it is toxic! Displaying two beings of the same kin in a relationship after everything that happened is not something anyone should want to see transpire. Regardless of who’s the pairing. YES THAT INCLUDES IF YOU SHIP LOKI AND MOBIUS.

It doesn’t matter if it’s “fiction”.

Also if y’all are going to say something is canon, you better link it up or else I’m going to assume it’s bullshit. Because a lot of y’all take things out of context for your own benefit.

If I’m wrong I’m still going to go against it and call it out. “Canon” or not.

It should be noted that there is a lot of fans against this if such relationships really happens. If a lot of your fans are divided regarding an aspect of the show, then it is valid to criticize why.

[jodibodie]

I Have Some Feelings

To start let me just emphasize how much I love and adore this show and always will. This was my covid show. Both of my kids loved “Lucifer” and always said I should watch so at the start of covid I binged it and when I say binged, I mean all 4 seasons in a few days and have rewatched so many times I’ve lost count. I think it is timeless, engrossing, original and all around amazing. The writing and the cast were all excellent. The writing was smart and consistently strong and that is so rare.  Funny, sad, poignant, it hit all the notes with very few plot holes or missteps. There is not one episode in the entire series that was not engaging. Even if I didn’t like an episode, it was still well done. What a rarity.

The cast is scary good. Completely underrated. Just all phenomenally talented.  I don’t remember the last time a cast was this strong.  From the core group to both reoccurring and guest stars, the cast was just fantastic.  

Tom Ellis, no words.  The man deserves to choose whatever he wants to do acting wise. He should have people breaking down his door. He can truly do it all and do it all well. He took a character that if portrayed by a lesser actor could have come off as a complete asshole and made him one of the most sympathetic and loveable characters in recent history. Ellis made a crime solving devil, a promiscuous man-child that occasionally breaks into song and the evidence room into a beloved character that has become an icon.  

Lauren German, WOW.  She is just so damn good. She can break your heart one second and have you laughing the next. She makes Chloe real, and people don’t realize how hard that is. Chloe is smart, kind, tough and gorgeous but she’s also an insecure dork.  She’s us and German just brings it.  

DB Woodside I’ve loved since “Buffy”.  He is a phenomenal actor and who knew he could bring the laughs so well? His expressions were classic. Clueless angel indeed. Amenadiel could have been very one-dimensional but because of Woodside’s talent he became fully fleshed out and full bodied.  

I have no doubt Lesley-Ann Brandt has a huge career in front of her.  She took a character that very well could have been hated, a demon and made her into one of the most human characters on the show. Kudos to her for taking a tough role and making it her own.  

Kevin Alejandro is another actor I’ve loved for a long time.  He also took a character who if we’re going to be honest here did so many unlikeable things that he should have been truly despised but because of Kevin’s portrayal he was beloved. Great actor and a terrific director.

Rachael Harris IMO is the downlow MVP.  She was literally the rock and again, with a lesser actress the role could have been a throwaway. The normal human, the sounding board but Harris imbued her with so much more.  Her spit takes, sarcasm and her obvious compassion was what made Dr. Linda an unforgettable character. Once again just perfect casting.  

Aimee Garcia was a great addition. She made Ella a fan fav and put so much heart, joy and sincerity into Ella never once did you doubt that she would prevail no matter what was thrown at her.  Garcia was just fantastic, and I want her skin care regime.  

Scarlett Estevez pulled off the one thing I thought almost impossible.  She took the role of a young child and made it so I didn’t want to cringe. She portrayed Trixie so beautifully from day one that she was a true pleasure to watch.  Even though Trixie was super precocious Estevez never made her obnoxious. I loved Trixie and I have never said that about any child character in an adult show.  She was wonderful and has an amazing career in front of her.

That said, I’ve got some feelings now that I’ve seen the finale and have had some time to digest it all.  I love that Chloe and Lucifer had eternity and I agree that they had to be separated for Chloe’s lifetime. Didn’t like it but it’s the logical path. She’s human, he’s not. The ageing thing alone necessitated them not being together long term on earth and that’s just to start the list. They had to had to be apart for the short term to get their eternity but the duality of Lucifer's ending and Amenadiel's didn't sit right. Amenadiel as God got to have it all. His calling, his family etc. while Lucifer had to give up everything.  I also don’t buy the “If he came up from hell, he could never leave them again” defense.  I call bullshit.  Amenadiel managed, plus, missing out on the day to day is a huge sacrifice and by Lucifer missing out on the day-to-day Rory could still have had the hatred she needed to drive the story.  Popping in for birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc., the big stuff does not a father make.  Not being there for skinned knees, first heartbreaks, and all the little things a daughter needs her dad for can build up tons of resentment.  Boom, absentee father, just like his dad was. That provides all the millennial angel angst you could ask for. I have a daughter; it doesn’t take much.

The Trixie issue was huge for me. Can Chloe see her in Heaven? Will she be able to travel to Heaven and visit Trixie, Penelope, Dan, her father?  Chloe hesitated leaving Heaven in 5x16 because she couldn’t bear saying good-bye to her dad again. It seems as if Chloe sacrificed everything for Rory including Trixie. I want to preface this by saying. I liked Rory and loved the actress. I didn’t however like how it was as if she were their only child.  When Lucifer spoke of family Trixie was not mentioned. Their family day, the same thing. She didn’t need to be there, I get that the explanation regarding Rory would have been way too much to get into but just a mention of her, how awesome it would have been to share this day with her would have worked. It seemed as if Lucifer went from, “I would do anything to protect that little Urchin” to “Trixie who”. Trixie was a character that we watched grow up and she meant something to us. I hate to say this, but the writers did Trixie and the viewers dirty in this regard.

This show was built around a few premises.  Free will, honesty, redemption, sacrifice and family, both blood and made. The ending completely negated almost all of these.  Chloe and their entire family were made into the one thing Lucifer abhorred the most which are liars. Their daughter was brought up surrounded by lies. What did they tell Trixie?  The poor kid just lost her dad, and she was pissed at Lucifer when he went back to hell the first time. Did she grow up hating him because as far as she knew Lucifer left her mom again without saying good-bye and this time it was even worse because Chloe was pregnant.  I get that the actress who plays Trixie had limited availability but seriously. A quick good-bye.

“Hey Urchin, you won’t understand why for a long time, but I have to leave. You know I never lie so I can’t explain why but know that I love you and your mom and one day I hope you can forgive me.”  

A 30 second scene would have worked.

As all the characters learned throughout the series, omission of the truth is just a form of lying and there are always repercussions i.e., Chloe and Father Kinley, Dan shooting Lucifer, Maze finding out about Lilith and even Ella not being told. As far as free will, both Chloe and Lucifer had their free will taken from them in the end. By Rory forcing them to abide by her wishes, their free will was forfeited. It was a huge manipulation on Rory’s part and considering how much Lucifer hated manipulations it just didn’t sit right.

Parents making huge sacrifices I get. Chloe and Lucifer sacrificed everything for their child. Unfortunately for me this sacrifice, the way it was written seemed contrived to pull out maximum and IMO unjustified angst. I love angst.  Hell, this is my favorite show.  I thrive on the angst. But as I wrote earlier, all the anger, angst and hatred towards Lucifer could have been achieved without having Lucifer completely out of the picture. I have two kids and my husband, and I have made huge life altering sacrifices for them as many parents do but being there for the day-to-day little things was what made the difference in their lives and cemented the close relationships we have with them.

“Yeah, dad you were great. Showing up for the fun stuff, always swooping in for the big finish to play the hero then ditching us when things got tough. When Grandma was dying where were you?  Nice that you showed up for the funeral but the six months leading up to it…we needed you and once again you weren’t there. When T got sick, when Jen broke my heart, blah, blah, blah…”

Even the whole Chloe dying scenario. They could have written it that rage Rory traveled minutes before Lucifer got there. Have him pop in right after Rory comes back. There were so many ways to achieve the end game they wanted other than the way they went. It seemed contrived and as if they took the easy way out to get where they needed to go. The Rory rage that was the catalyst for her traveling back in time and Lucifer finding his calling could still have been accomplished without the whole Lucifer disappearing storyline.

Now that I’ve finished my diatribe there’s a couple of additional things I would like to say.  Lucifer is and always will be one of my favorite shows of all time. There are not enough words to describe the comfort and enjoyment this show has brought me. Thank you, thank you, thank you to the producers, cast and crew. You truly created something special.

To the fandom. Please do not let a polarizing conclusion rip apart the fandom. The only other fandom I was a part of tore itself apart so badly that the FBI got involved.  Hence why I waited for 15 years to dip my toe in again. Everyone invested in this show has the right to their feelings.  Debate is fine, baiting and bullying are not. The Lucifer fandom like the show is very special. Without the fandom we wouldn’t have gotten any conclusion so don’t let opposing viewpoints tarnish what has been a magical journey.  

[sunflowersand-bees]

I absolutely love Heartstopper

I have a lot to say about this show. And so I wrote an essay...

Friday morning, April 22nd, I was reading the episode descriptions, because I’d already read the comics, and I saw these events and characters like Imogen and rugby matches and a field day, that had not happened in the comics, and I was apprehensive. Usually, when TV shows and movies deviate from the original plot, I dislike it. It doesn’t match with the flow of the story very well.

But Heartstopper.

Oh man.

Everything just fits so perfectly.

The little animations and the different lighting and the color schemes and the characters and the background music.

It’s wonderful.

Especially Isaac and Imogen.

Of course, I miss Aled, but Isaac just fits with the friend group so perfectly. He just clicks with them. He isn’t a replacement for Aled either. He is his own character with his own traits and such, even if he isn’t really explored and doesn’t have character development, but I absolutely love him. He is the only person in the show with a single brain cell that he uses. His wide and knowing smile makes me laugh every time.

I feel really bad for Imogen. She seems like a decent person. Her interactions with Nick remind me of interactions I have with my genuine friends. She is not a bad person. The part where she interrogated Tara about Nick was a bit awkward and she was a bit possessive, but she didn’t do anything particularly cruel. She was just clueless and a bit annoying. Later we can see that she actually cares for Nick. She simply fell for the wrong guy and I sincerely doubt Imogen is going to be jealous. Her look in episode 8 when Nick runs off with Charlie says that she’s going to be supportive. Also, her subplot didn’t feel forced which I absolutely adored. Her and Nick’s interactions were genuine and fit the vibe and feeling of the series so well.

The show is very soft, and the choice of music and the little animations fit that wonderfully. The music fit the atmosphere with amazing queer artists and perfect lyrics. The animations appeared at the perfect moments and gave more life to the show, showing things that could not be shown as clearly through film as it could through a comic format.

The actors’ characterizations of their characters were outstanding. I particularly loved Nick’s actor, Kit Connor, did a wonderful job. He personified Nick so well. From his expressions to his delivery of his lines, it’s all amazing. I literally cannot describe exactly how well he fit. He just managed to portray him wonderfully.

But I also noted that William Gao did an amazing job as his character, Tao Xu. The display of emotions you could see in his movements, expressions and tone was so natural and organic. This is partially with credit to the writers and directors, but the lines and scenes that Tao was in that were not in the comics still fit him so well. This is definitely due to William Gao’s acting expertise, as well as Alice Oseman and her coworkers’ decision making when it comes to new scenes.

Of course, all of the actors did an absolutely heartstopping job with their respective characters, and I love the casting decisions, but Kit Connor and William Gao stuck out to me.

The ending of the season was wonderful, and the little hints that have been dropped throughout the series really reinforce my belief that this will follow the graphic novels.

Even if there wasn’t more to unpack with Charlie and Nicks’ personal struggles, they cannot end the series without Tao and Elle getting together.

I really hope we get introduced to Sahar, Otis and Sai, I liked their characters in the novels.

I have high hopes for the following season, and I know that no matter the outcome, Alice Oseman will deliver. She always does an amazing job.

Everything in this season of Heartstopper was completely perfect, and I know that that is due to Alice Oseman’s direct involvement in the creation of the TV series.

Now, I am required to go reread the comics and rewatch the show. So many emotions I need to revisit. <3

Go watch and/or read Heartstopper if you haven’t already! The comics are available to buy online, at Barnes and Noble, on Tapas, and on Webtoons. Season 1 of the show is on Netflix.

[sichengtual]

— summary: wanting to make his big break as a song-writer, jun gets assigned to work with a band that has every intent on making it big. but it’s the 70’s, and just as he’s about to discover, love and rock&roll go hand in hand.

— pairing: wen junhui x reader.

— au: 70’s, song-writer!jun, rockstar!reader. 

— genre: fluff. 

— word count: 15, 273 (15.2k)

— playlist: somebody to love — queen ;  your song — elton john ; where you lead — carole king ;  tiny dancer — elton john. 

— warnings: alcohol consumption, some cursing, josh saying groovy every time he speaks.

— a/n: a part of me really wishes i was living in the 70′s and i think it shows here lol also, the moonwalker is inspired on the troubadour and the song jun writes is tiny dancer because it carried me the entire way, what an mvp. 

this one’s for @chocosvt​ ! i really hope you like it <3

Jun is nervous. 

The tapping of his feet against the cold, faux tiled floor produces no audible sound over the music coming from the speakers, but it’s still noticeable to him. He tries to keep a steady pace, even counting along to the beat as he plays the same words over and over inside his head. It’s his own voice speaking back at him, words a mere reminder, and, if he were to be completely honest, part of the reason behind his nerves.

He had promised you, on the very first day he met you, that he’d help you shine. That he’d make you succeed. Part a rush of the moment, part wanting to impress his boss and part a reassurance for himself, his promise had been easy to make. Then. And it’s not that he doubts himself, or you, but, at the end of the day, he’s a 24 year old making his debut in the music industry. And it’s hard, of course, because even when he’s not the one performing, it’s still his words that are being sung. 

Doing what he does is harder than people usually think. Jun’s lyrics are heart-felt, authentic, with his entire soul poured on the paper and ready to be dissected by whoever got to listen to the songs he wrote. He surrenders it to the artist, basically giving up any kind and sort of hold he has over the feelings he’s just reflected, giving them away for someone else to interpret them the way they want. The way they can. And as difficult as it is sometimes, it’s part of the job, and all that he can hope for is for them to be interpreted in the most authentic way possible. It’s hard, definitely, but after years and years of trying, he knows that having them expressed are way better than keeping them in.

Following the loud bang of a drum, he looks around as he keeps the pace with his foot. The entire room smells like entrapped smoke, and warm coffee, and it looks somewhat like it too. There’s a thick, almost translucent layer of fog-like smoke hanging on the air, slowly rising to the ceiling as minutes keep passing. There’s also a big arrangement of paper cups, both full and empty, resting on all possible surfaces around him, almost reflecting the passing of time in their placement; 8 in the morning on the desks, 2 in the evening on the equipment luggage, and a few hours past midnight on some parts of the floor. 

The practice room is a dimly-lit space, with a few round, orange and yellow glass lamps hanging on the ceiling and set a few meters apart, barely even enough to illuminate the entire room. In the evening, the last few rays of sunshine manage to break through the high set windows, reflecting on the tinged glass and breaking upon the dark purple walls in bright, warm shades of orange. 

He hasn’t been there a lot, only a few days since he had arrived for the first stop of the tour, but as he sets his eyes on it, he can’t help but think it almost resembles a sunset. He can see the colors, the exact same ones that paint over the sky just as the night is about to fall down, and it serves to help him ease a little bit. Sunsets, even the ones reflected upon the walls of a world tour practice room, are the same all around. 

“Why are you still getting it wrong? It’s all about the groove, man,” Josh whines. He’s sitting on a small wooden stool, his guitar propped up on his knee. 

“I don’t know, Josh, I’m the one that wrote this riff and for some reason I just can’t play it correctly again!”

“Beginner’s luck,” Chan comments, not really involved in the argument, but never one to pass the opportunity to strike a joke. He looks down to tune down his guitar once Mingyu turns to give him a stare. 

“That doesn’t make sense, I’ve been doing this for years.”

“Well, it certainly doesn't seem like it! Just try to make it groovy!”

He’s still getting used to the band. 

They’re a nice group of people; kind, loud and boisterous, but that’s just every band he knows. Having worked in the label for years, he’s used to seeing bands come and go, submitting his songs with no much more room for interaction left other than a Jun, they liked it! coming from his boss on the good days (the bad days are different, a little less remarkable, but they’re the ones he tries not to think about). This, his first time on the road with one of them, is a completely new experience, and if it wasn’t for finally seeing his dream beginning to get on track, it’d be one that would probably have him shaking in fear. 

But they’re warm, laid-back and easy to talk to, which he appreciates, knowing he’s not the best at initiating conversations... or maintaining them. He had felt intimidated at first, looking into a group of rising rock stars from the outlook of someone who’s just as into their world as he’s out of it, standing somewhere between the line that divides the outside and the inside. But he’s entering, just walking in and slowly stepping his toes on the water; and he’s doing it by the side of people he’s glad he can finally get to call his friends. 

“Jun, could you possibly tell Mingyu he’s been playing the wrong note the entire time?” 

“Yeah Josh, I already know I’ve been playing it wrong.” 

“Please stop fighting so we can practice!” Soonyoung says from his spot on the drums, backed up with a nod from Vernon, the bassist looking surprisingly bored at the altercation.

“Can you tell him to play the right note this time? And remember, make it groovy!”

He hadn’t heard the door opening, but you’re walking in the room just he finally tears his gaze from Josh’s bright red guitar. You turn to give him a smile, one he quickly returns, before turning back to the two bickering guitarists. He turns to look at the set playlist, with his name carefully penned down below all fifteen songs, and he tells himself that, despite his nerves, he might just be perfectly ready for the tour to start. 

“Are you okay? You looked a little distracted today.” 

The diner is quiet. 

There’s really not much movement, with only another customer besides him inside the small establishment. He can focus on the clinging of his spoon as he moves it around in his cup, light, creamy bellows of steam rising as the aftermath of the ripples he creates on the dark liquid. The coffee really isn’t great, tasting a bit tangy against his tongue, even after he had added a small packet of sugar to try and ease the bitterness of the beverage. If he focuses enough, he can even make out a light buzz coming from the neon lights advertising the diner in the street, sound low but crisp against the pouring rain. 

It’s cold, and a part of him really regrets coming to the diner straight out of practice without going to his room first. He had just needed to write, and to do that, he needed silence. He runs a hand up and down his left arm, the coolness from his rings perceivable even through the thick wool of his shirt. 

He looks up, the ripples inside his cup long forgotten. 

You’re standing in front of him, looking just as tired as he feels, with a completely different stance than the one you usually show inside the practice room. Or on the stage. It’s relaxed, at ease, a little shy, even, and he can’t help but wonder if, behind the whole rockstar facade, maybe the two of you aren’t really that different. 

You take a seat in the chair in front of him, the laminated red seat squeaking as response to the movement. 

“Huh?” He lets out.

“At practice,” you move, trying to get comfortable in the cold, plastic chair. “You looked a little distracted. Everything okay?”

Jun shrugs, smiling softly. “It’s just nerves, I think.”

It’s not the first time you’ve seen Jun smile, but it’s the first time you’ve seen him smile like that. And, in complete honesty, it was the first time it had been completely directed at you. He had always been a little quiet, ever since he was first introduced as the “new song-writer” by the label director, and, because of the chaos that naturally ensued whenever surrounded by the entire band, your interactions with Jun had been few and far-between. 

Here’s what you’ve managed to learn about him in the months you’ve known him: he likes to be alone when he writes, but he can also do it when sitting as far away from the speakers as possible. He likes drinking his coffee with both sugar and cream, and even if he doesn’t drink too much of it, he always finds a way to spill even a little bit, be it on his shirt or somewhere near his notebook (which has been the cause of many scares inside the practice room). He keeps a pen in his shirt pocket at all times, whether it be for writing down an incoming idea wherever he found or for clicking the seconds away whenever he got nervous. 

And he’s surprisingly shy about his lyrics, even when he sounds completely confident in them. You can tell, whenever you’re given them to sing them, that they are words he’s proud of; words that came from his heart as bits and pieces of the most beautiful poetry you’ve ever read. And they’re always accompanied by a small, shy smile and the slight reddening of his cheeks. 

“I know what you mean,” you say. You call the waiter just as Jun takes a sip from his coffee, not missing the slight purse of his lips as he swallows down the warm beverage. “I’m nervous too.”

“You don’t seem to be,” he comments. He looks back down at his coffee, hand still making circles with the spoon. “Whenever you sing, it’s like you’re completely used to it. It feels as if it were something you’ve always done, something you know like the back of your hand. And still… I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like you’re thrilled by it, even more so every day.” 

Jun looks up at you, hiding his words behind a smile. You don’t notice, too busy ordering a cup of chamomile tea to make anything of the way he’s staring at you from the other side of the table. 

“It’s amazing what putting on a brave face can do, then,” you answer. “I love being on stage. It’s just nerve wracking to think about it when I’m not there. It’s like Mingyu not being able to get his own riff right unless he’s playing in front of a live crowd.” 

“Oh, please don’t remind me of the riff incident. Joshua’s voice hasn’t left my head the entire day.” 

Rain continues falling. You can hear some melody coming from the speakers, which, even when it feels completely unfamiliar, makes Jun’s sway to the side as he rests his head on his hand. Maybe he knows it. 

“I hope it’s not a bad sign,” Jun mentions, pointing to the window with his thumb. “Starting the tour with a little bit of rain.”

“Seungkwan was talking about that earlier, too,” you say, thinking back of the keyboardist’s words from before you left the practice room. “But you know, if anything, I think it might be a good sign.” 

Jun purses his lips, head moving to the side. His fingers move across the table, fiddling with the empty sugar packet he had used. The bright pink paper shines bright against his hands, fluorescent yellow light reflecting from outside. It captures his eyes, and yours, and for a brief second, the both of you are stuck on watching how the packet’s shadow grows whenever Jun moves it around his fingers. It reminds you of him with the pen, a mere distraction. Or maybe just a way for him to set his ideas in order. 

You can tell he’s still a bit hesitant about the interaction, not knowing if they’re nerves at talking about the tour or just nerves at talking to you. As soon as he looks up from his hands, you give him a smile. 

“It’s a bit of a fresh start, isn’t it? And I think, right now, that’s what we all need.”

As much as Jun wants to say he’s not surprised at the turn-out, his eyes are wide open at the influx of people coming through the doors. 

His heart beats loud against his chest as he looks down at the stage, empty of people but perfectly set with an array of instruments that are only waiting to be lit alive. The entire place is full of chatter; the ever-growing excitement of a crowd begging to be enchanted by an unknown performance. Up from his spot at the balcony, he can’t make out what they’re saying but he doesn’t miss how they’re saying it: and the pure excitement in their voices draws a chill from his spine. 

It’s a scene like the ones he’s been hearing about for years. Like the ones he’s been dreaming of witnessing, of being a part of it. And now he’s in one, not only as an spectator, but as the man behind the words. 

“It’s amazing, don’t you think? Or as Josh would say, incredibly groovy.” 

Seungcheol, the band’s manager, asks as he walks into the balcony. Him and Jun went way back, much more than anyone else in their group besides the band themselves. They were the new generation, the young dreamers at the office that were only waiting to be given a shot to prove themselves. They had been hired at the same time, both meant to work with a completely different artist that had ended up not taking them because of how young they were. 

They had built up their experience together, and it had been those late-night talks at the label’s office that made Jun able to call Seungcheol his friend, powered through by cheap coffee and tired conversations full of laughter. And they’re only part of the reason why Jun always refers to Seungcheol as a long-lost brother more than a newly found friend. 

“It’s almost sold out!” Seungcheol continues. He’s wearing a dark pin-stripe suit, as he always is whenever he’s on official business. His hair is slicked back, and his usual pair of gold wire-frame glasses rest on top of his nose, specs perfectly clean. “People keep walking in and walking in and walking in! It’s almost as if they’re the freaking Rolling Stones and not a band barely making their debut. Is that Hoshi or is it Charlie Watts on the drums?”

“It’s the Monday night show, it’s a guaranteed success,” Jun mutters. He knows Seungcheol would be able to see past his facade, to make out the true meaning of his words. Three years after meeting him, there isn’t much he can hide from him. “I’m happy for them, though. The first night’s important.”

“Yeah, me too,” Seungcheol smiles. “Vernon’s been freaking out in the backstage since he started hearing the crowd coming in. He’s just staring at his bass and Hoshi’s about to smack his head with his drumsticks.”

“They’re gonna do amazing. If Mingyu gets his riff right, that is.” 

“And everybody’s gonna love the songs,” Seungcheol says, pressing a gentle palm on Jun’s shoulder. He hadn’t even noticed he was shaking. “If only they knew the stud that wrote them. I bet they’d even like looking at those nice bell bottoms you’re wearing. Since when do you like purple pants?” 

“I bet they’re gonna prefer looking at Mingyu,” Jun laughs before Seungcheol does, and it almost distracts him from his surroundings. “Or even Josh. And Minghao gave me the pants, by the way.”

“Or even Josh,” Seungcheol laughs, shaking his head as he looks away from his friend. 

“Groovy,” Jun says. 

“Groovy,” his friend responds. 

Jun’s nerves have calmed down by the time the lights fall down. 

A half-empty beer bottle looks over the crowd, sitting immediately next to the balcony’s railing. He notices an entirely new atmosphere now that the room is only barely lit, as if the lights falling had only served to heighten the people’s emotions. It’s almost as if they’re in a different place altogether, with expectating hanging high in the air and out of everyone’s reach. 

The Moonwalker they had walked in, just a few hours before, barely resembles the Moonwalker they’re in right now. 

It had been lit by the natural light coming from the windows, bouncing over the wood-covered walls and reflecting over the little trinkets that served to adorn them. They had been the highlight of the place, attracting the eyes of everyone that entered to the rows and rows of pictures and memorabilia. What was that hanging over the bar, Bob Dylan’s hat? Jun had only been more impressed by the bright neon sign that spelled the bar’s name right on the center of the stage, after seeing it on newspaper cuttings for most of his life. 

A few days back, when Seungcheol had told him of the gig they had landed the band through a friend of his girlfriend (bless you Lily!), Jun almost couldn’t believe his words. The bright blue cursive sign had been the first thing that had come to mind, consuming his thoughts as a sort of finish line at the end of a marathon. It wasn’t only the bar’s trademark, it was also the backdrop of some of the most amazing debuts in modern rock n’ roll history. And now, looking at it shining brightly against the low-lit room, a part of him still can’t believe he might be about to see one of them with his own two eyes. 

He had heard of concert nights on the Moonwalker the same way he had heard the stories of the great mythic heroes. He had seen pictures the same way he had learned of iconic places and happenings. He remembers spending entire nights finding motivation in the dream of listening to his songs being played in the exact same place some of his favorite songs had been presented, of them finally finding their home within the same crowd that had once listened to The Byrds and Carole King. 

And as you walk onto the stage, commanding attention with each step, Jun is sure tonight is going to become one of those. And that it’s his songs that will be sung back by the crowd, resounding against the walls and enveloping the entire place in their meaning. 

The band had already been introduced by the club owner, but no one had actually turned to pay attention until you had walked on stage. You’re met by countless excited bellowings, a smile on your face forming at the sudden attention. 

“We hope you enjoy the show!”

The rest of the band follows, and Jun is struck by a thought. Words materialize in his head as if prompted by the first few notes, threading together into a complete, coherent phrase. It’s a phrase Jun knows. He might have heard it from someone, or read it from somewhere, and it’s stuck in his brain the same way the bridge of the song you’re singing once was. Or maybe it was just something someone had once told him. 

He knows that there are moments in an artist’s life that will define their career. Moments that let you know how it's gonna go. A preview of sorts. And he knows, looking at you shining under the spotlight, that he’s just witnessed something big. 

The entire crowd has gone wild at the music, and Jun knows it’s only the beginning. 

For now, he just smiles, and like the people dancing down below, he lets himself go. 

The party is in full-swing by the time Jun walks in. 

The house itself is small, one story and a few rooms that hold a big part of the party-goers. He can tell it’s usually used as a holiday residence, not exactly a place of staying but merely a place of passing, because every single thing that’s visible doesn’t really have a function different from simply looking good. The entire place is covered in small, colorful trinkets that look like they’re part of some random collection that everyone always sees but no one actually ever looks at. 

It’s truly a rock-star’s house, because, really, nothing about it makes sense. 

Countless bookshelves rest against the colorfully draped walls, an array of uneven, colorful wallpapers shining under the light of the multiple glass chandeliers, but not a single book is visible to the eye. The floor itself is a great quality wood, but everything’s hidden below a series of fuzzy rugs that somehow match the randomness of the wallpapers. 

The music changes slightly as he keeps walking, an entire ensemble of genres, styles and decades all the product of a number of record players playing simultaneously all over the house. All of them are playing a completely different thing, but somehow it all blends into one cohesive beat. Jun could go into the technicalities behind it and say it’s probably in the beats per minute, or could maybe go somewhere into the meaning behind the lyrics, but for now, he just lets himself get immersed into the scene. 

The party doesn’t resemble anything he had lived before, or even heard of. And it’s full of people. 

The entire team (band and staff alike) had been invited to an after-party held by some music executive that’s friends with the owner of the club. It happened every monday after the show, they had said, entertaining executives, artists, and club-goers alike. And no one really cared who was which as long as there was music playing all around them. 

“Jesus, is that Billy Joel?” Seungcheol asks as he walks closely behind Jun. The two of them and Minghao, the band’s stylist, had been the last to leave for the party, having to stay behind to finish the last of the arrangements that followed a successful concert at the Moonwalker, with the rest of you leaving with some of the club’s crew. “Guys, I think that’s Billy Jo- jesus, he’s talking to Chan and Seungkwan.”

“Of course he’d be talking to Chan and Seungkwan, they probably went right to him when they saw him,” Minghao says. “Hey, can you see Vernon around?”

“He’s probably sitting somewhere next to the drinks or something. Or maybe he’s outside, I think there’s a live band playing somewhere out there,” Jun comments.

“Damn, should’ve booked us too for that, right?” Seungcheol says, laughing with the words.

“Don’t you rather just enjoy the party and forget about performing for a bit?” Minghao questions. Out of the corner of his eye, Jun can see Seungkwan and Chan walking away from the group of people they had been talking to, probably on their way outside for some fresh air. “The guys seem to be having a great time. Let go for a bit, Cheol! Let’s enjoy this whole rockstar life even if it’s just for tonight!”

He can hear Mingyu’s laugh coming from somewhere nearby, even if his eyes can’t locate the tall guitar player. He’s surprised he can hear him, with how low his laugh usually is and how high the music is playing, but once Seungcheol points him out in the crowd, he’s only a few steps away. He’s entertaining a large group of people, with Joshua smiling by his side, the both of them holding two glasses of what looks like beer. 

It’s no surprise the two of them would like to be around the growing crowd, with how easily they seem to be able to strike a conversation with whoever walks by. He had known them to be sociable, in comparison with some like Vernon, Minghao or himself. It’s still a bit surprising, though, how in control they seem to be of a conversation held with people they probably didn’t know five minutes ago. 

“I’m gonna go find us something to drink,” Seungcheol says, patting Jun on the back before walking away with Minghao closely following his steps. 

And Jun is left alone. Still, in a house full of people, he sticks his hands in the front bottom of his purple jeans. They had really been Minghao’s suggestion, along with the slick yellow button up and a pair of red boots. It was comfy, and Seungcheol had assured him he really did look good, so he hadn’t dwelled much on it when leaving the hotel room. 

He debates joining Mingyu and Joshua’s crowd for a second, but the growing scent of tobacco and beer has him making his way to the door after he raises his hand in a greeting. Josh manages to signal him to the backyard before Jun leaves, and he wonders whether he’s simply pointing in the direction of the live band, or Vernon, or you. 

As he walks outside, bumping bodies with a never-ceasing crowd, he discovers it’s the later. The outside of the house is just as impressive as the inside, or, as he finds once he begins to look around, even more. 

The entire yard (or at least the part that’s closest to the house) has been decked in continuous rows of fairy lights, hanging from the trees like a mere reproduction of the constellations shining up above. There are at least five campfires, all surrounded by people holding guitars or dancing along to the songs being played by a live band nearby. Their silhouettes are reflected on the ground, a product of the blazing fire, and it’s almost like they’re dancing with the people themselves, more than being a plain reflection of them. 

It’s almost like a scene taken right out of a move, only livelier than any he could ever think of. 

Jun finds you with your back against a tree, sitting cross-legged on a furry carpet, completely enthralled in the music. There’s a series of carpets draped all over the grass, the exact same kind he saw inside, completing the part of the scene that connects both places. As he walks over to you, he wonders where the rest of the band is, with you being alone in the backyard, until he sees Seungkwan and Chan, still hanging close together, sitting a few feet away with what he assumes is another group. A part of him is thankful at the seeming privacy, finding a bit odd how comfortable he is in the middle of a growing crowd when just a few minutes ago he had felt overwhelmed by the loneliness behind it. But then he turns to look at you, smiling carelessly even with your eyes closed, and he knows it’s not a product of the environment.

It's because of you.

“I just wanted to say congratulations,” Jun says, making sure to fall as carefully as possible as he sits down next to you. “Tonight was amazing. Truly, got me tearing up at all.”

“You’ve got your own lyrics to thank for that, mister,” you say, followed by a laugh. You’re still in your concert outfit, although wearing a pair of sneakers as opposed to the platform shoes that had been paired up with the colorful overalls. “I’m pretty sure you weren’t the only one tearing up tonight. I think Hoshi even cried a bit himself.”

“He probably cried at the crowd making tiger claws back at him more than he did at the lyrics.” 

“Yeah, Vernon told him not to do it but he did it anyway!”

“Where are those two, by the way?”

“Somewhere next to where the band is playing,” you answer. You close your eyes as you speak, resting your back against the tree. “I just wanted to get away from everything. Sometimes it’s fun to just observe from a distance.”

“I know what you mean. I’ve been looking at life from a distance for so long, sometimes I forget what it is to actually be living it. I guess it makes for some interesting lyrics though, so it’s been kind of worth it, at least in that way,” Jun says, smiling at you even when you don’t see him. He moves closer to you as he hugs his knees to his chest, feeling the top of your shoulder brush against his. “I think coming with you guys on tour might change that.”

“It’s the rock-star life, huh?” You smile, and Jun can’t help but notice it’s a mirroring of his own smile. In some way, it looks just as vulnerable. He looks away when he feels his cheeks heat up. “You know, you’re much different from what I thought you were when I used to see you at the office.” 

“Different how?”

“I don’t know. I just know I really like talking to you. Every day, I really look forward to being around you,” you laugh, and when he turns to look back at you, you’re finally looking at him again. “You’re a breath of fresh air, Wen Junhui.”

“Says the rock-star,” he laughs. He’s smiling, holding his knees as close to his chest as he can manage as he tries to hide his fluester in his body language. Not that it’s working, anyways. “I’m just some guy.”

“You’re the most interesting guy I’ve ever met.”

You shake your head, and by the way your eyes set on the sky, Jun isn’t completely sure if you’re talking to him or if you’re simply talking to the stars, trying to set your story in the skies for the entire world to see. It makes him smile even wider, anyways. 

“I wonder which one shines brighter. From down here, they look almost the same. But maybe it’s just the distance that taints our perspective,” you mutter, pointing to the lights on the trees. 

“I’d like to think it’s the stars,” Jun comments. “When I was a kid, I always enjoyed watching them. I’d find patterns and have them in my head for weeks as a sort of picture out of a coloring book. Somehow, the stars always seemed to have the answers to every single question that would run through my head, even when miles away.”

“You speak like that and call yourself ‘some guy’,” you laugh. “It’s always poetry coming out of your lips, and I’d listen to every single bit of it.”

The conversation stops, but silence never envelops the both of you, because there is music all around. And there are people dancing, so when you lose focus on each other and gian it in your surroundings, their movement is everything you see. It’s almost as if they’re dancing for the two of you to watch, and neither of you notice the moment your head comes to rest in Jun’s shoulder, way too immersed in a ballet of silhouettes to make anything out of the sudden movement. 

“I hope tonight was good,” you say. “It felt different from other nights, and I don’t know what it was. I’ve never felt that way when performing at home. It felt almost magical, standing there, under the limelight, in front of all those people. Maybe it’s just me, though.” 

Jun shakes his head, muttering a soft no as an answer. You turn to look at each other when he starts speaking, still as close as before. But now he gets to look at you as he speaks. 

“I can’t begin to imagine what you must have felt. I’m not familiar with that side of the gig,” he says, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible. Somehow, the beer he had drank back at the club was still making his blood run wild through his veins, cheeks reddening at the eye contact. “I wish you could’ve seen it from my eyes. Listened to it through my ears, felt what I felt the moment you started singing. I’ve never seen you shine any brighter.”

"You’ve been attending our concerts long enough. Well,if the fifteen person presentations back home even count as concerts.”

“I’ve been to all of your concerts,” he laughs. “And believe me, tonight was really special.” 

“It’s the Moonwalker’s magic,” you say, and Jun turns to look at you. “You saw the place, it was special. It made it special.”

And he doesn’t know if it’s the effect of the lights shining above your head, or the remaining adrenaline coursing through his veins, but he’s sure he can hear his heart beating against his chest. He can hear it over the loud music, thumping so hard his mind goes blank, falling closer to you as he begins to lean in. 

Because even when far away from the Moonwalker, he’s still smiling the same. He feels just as happy, somewhere in the backyard of a stranger’s house. The place is special, for sure, but only as much as you made it. 

“It wasn’t the Moonwalker that was magical. It was you.”

And you can hear him, because even when the world around you is spinning completely out of order, his smile is still front and center in your eyes. He’s smiling at you and everything else only but circles around it. 

As a new song starts playing from a record player far away, Jun kisses you under a thousand fairy lights. You’re still not sure of which one shines brighter -the artificial lights or the stars high above- but as Jun’s hand finds yours over your lap, you decide you don’t really care. 

A part of you would really like to think nothing had changed after the kiss. 

In reality, the two of you had been so flustered he had ran back to Seungcheol and Minghao while you went to find Vernon and Hoshi, refusing to say anything about the moment to any of them. It was part of some unofficial and unspoken deal, sealed with only a look, sparing the both of you of any kind of conversation immediately afterwards. It had been a product of the moment, of adrenaline and slight tipsiness combined with a romantic scenery, and nothing else. 

That’s what you told yourself the entire night, even when questioned by Seungkwan about the sudden giddiness in your smile and the change in your gaze, slightly unfocused on the world in front of you, as if something more important was playing inside your head. As if that something was the memory of the feeling of Jun’s lips against yours, leaving your skin tingling as an aftermath of his touch. As if that something had been the way he had smiled at you right after, looking as if the affection you’d just shared was as unbelievable to him as it was to you. 

In all honesty, Jun’s kiss was more than one of the many that were shared that night by the people around you. It wasn’t just a product of the moment, of adrenaline and slight tipsiness combined with a romantic scenery, because the way you had looked at each other just before your lips connected had been a long time coming. That was the product of months of unknown pining; of you looking for him as soon as you entered the office, and of him not being able to take his eyes off you as soon as he saw you walking by. It was a product in the exchange that came with you singing for the world the words he had shared with you in messy scribbles over coffee-stained paper, something about the entire thing feeling growingly intimate the thought ran through your head. 

Because even when he wasn’t writing songs for you, or about you, he still trusted you with them. In your eyes, that was worth more than him signing one of them with your name on top of the page for everyone to see. And while you were sure it wasn’t an act of love (or at least not yet), you couldn’t deny it always opened the door for that possibility to walk in. Or for you to walk towards it, at least. Just like his songs, and for months on end, Jun had always been there. 

Well, at least up until the night he kissed you. 

You weren’t sure if it was intentional or fate making a cruel joke out of your feelings, but Jun had been avoiding you. As much as he could be avoiding you in the span of a few hours, at least. 

“Wanna sit with me on the bus?” 

You can’t really tell what Vernon’s wearing. He’s sitting next to you on the curb in front of the bus, a pair of sparkly sunglasses resting atop of his nose. He’s wearing a yellow hat that matches the color of his shoes, but that doesn’t really go with any of the other pieces of his outfit. 

“Aren’t you gonna sit with Hao?” 

“Ah, I don’t know,” Vernon drinks from a styrofoam cup he has on his hand. It’s the same as yours, so it’s probably to-go coffee from the hotel’s restaurant. “He’s been trying to talk about some outfit ideas he had during the concert last night. He called it a revelation or something. I’m pretty sure Seungkwan could be of more use to that conversation than me.”

You don’t really want to sit with Vernon. And it’s not that you don’t enjoy his company, because out of everyone in the band, he’s always been the one you’re closest to. But somehow, you know sitting next to Vernon will prevent you from any chances of even talking to Jun in the next six hours until you reach the next spot. You’re not sure if he’s even actually avoiding you, but you don’t really want to be correct. 

“Are you kidding? You wear this kind of outfits and you think you don’t have a sense of fashion? Vern, if anything, you’ve always been the Mick Jagger amongst all of us.” 

“Okay, those stage outfits were chosen by Minghao, it wasn’t really me putting together those suits and - whatever he has me wearing all the time.” 

You roll your eyes, playfully. 

“Although, I guess I could use this chance to keep him from putting me in another sparkly overall like the one from last night.”

“But you were such a star! It looked pretty nifty if you ask me.” 

“Keep going and I’ll tell him to find the most ridiculous hats for our next concert, just you wait!”

The rest of the band starts walking out of the hotel, Chan’s laughter pulling your attention from Vernon. As they walk next to you, you decide to ignore Hoshi’s tiger print overalls and Mingyu’s conversation of how he had met and talked to George Harrison at the party once Joshua had walked away from him.

“I don’t believe George Harrison would ever like to be entertained by your presence, Gyu. There were definitely groovier people to be around last night.”

“It’s not my fault you decided talking to Seungcheol was more important than stickin’ around, we literally see the guy every day.”

“Hey, I’m your manager!” Seungcheol wines from the hotel door, walking behind a groggy Seungkwan.

“Yeah, we literally see you every day,” Mingyu retorts. He has one foot on the bus steps, only turning to argue with the eldest. “Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing you so often, with all your random hair-do’s.”

“Can it and get in, we’re late anyways. Everyone keep steppin’!”

“The only reason we’re late is because you couldn’t stop talking to your girlfriend on the phone,” Mingyu lets out before climbing in, somehow managing to avoid getting yelled at yet again. 

You get up after Vernon, following him into the bus as soon as Mingyu, Josh and Seungcheol had gotten in. You’d seen Seungkwan, Hoshi and Chan passing by, and quickly found them sitting together near a small kitchen area. 

The bus itself isn’t much different from others you’ve seen, with rows of faux leather seats set one after the other along the central aisle. All the way to the back there’s an area with what looks like a small bed, a door leading to a tight bathroom and a small kitchen space consisting of two cabinets and a microwave. And every single thing is either muted yellow or a dark orange, making the entire espace look probably smaller than it actually is. It’s comfortable enough, though. 

“Hey, Vern, come here,” Minghao calls from one of the seats. He’s resting his back against the window, with his feet on the couch and his knees pulled close to his chest. A small notepad rests on top of them, having only looked up from his sketches to greet the bassist. “Let me show you what I’ve been thinking of. I swear, the setting of the Moonwalker gave me so much clarity on what I want to put all of you guys in for the rest of the tour.” 

“Hao, give Josh a groovy Bob Dylan inspired hat!” 

“You wear the damn Bob Dylan inspired hat if you want, see how groovy it looks on your head.” 

Vernon looks at you to give you a small smile before sitting down next to Minghao as you walk past, stealing one of Hoshi’s snacks before plopping down on the seat behind him. You shift in your seat, hearing the slick material of the seat squeaking against the courness of your jeans. You quickly look at the small smiling daisies Minghao had painted with black markers all over the light surface, making for an interesting pattern when looked at from far away. Your fingers trace over the figures as you rest your head on the window, closing your eyes until you feel someone coming to sit right next to you. You had quickly placed your book on the seat when sitting down, but you find it on top of Jun’s lap as you see it’s him who’s by your side. 

“What an interesting thing to be reading!” He exclaims, looking at the beat up copy of On The Road. “You’re a Kerouac fan?” 

“You’ve read Kerouac?” You ask. 

Jun smiles. “Of course not,” he says, before breaking into a laugh. He doesn’t give you the book back, but turns it to read the back cover. “Read to me? It will keep us both entertained.” 

Without focusing too carefully on it, you can hear the distinct crisp sound of Joshua’s guitar coming from the front of the bus, and can make out the first notes of the Stairway to Heaven solo. It sounds better than you’ve heard him play, most likely the product of constant practice. But it all disappears when you turn to look at Jun. 

Smiling at you, Jun lets you straighten up on your seat before placing his head on your shoulder as he hands you the copy. You’re surprised by how familiar it feels, and feel your lips curling up at the memory of doing the exact same thing the night before. 

And you know that things have changed from the kiss, because now you’re not able to ignore the feeling in your chest that arises when Jun takes your hand in his. And you can only wonder if he feels the same, because he lets out a soft sigh the minute you tighten the grip, nuzzling his cheek against the fuzzy fabric of your corduroy jacket. 

Smiling at his touch, your eyes start glazing over the print as you begin to read. 

“I first met Dean not long after my wife and I split up…”

The dinner lounge of the second hotel is much fancier than the first one. 

The entire place looks like it’s been draped in velvet, every single ridge looking as smooth as a crease in the fabric. There’s a combination of wooden panels and wall-height mirrors adorning the walls, only interrupted by the golden frames of the windows. A dome rises on the center of the center, a thousand red roses painted in a mosaic of tinted glass, while the rest of the ceiling is covered in the exact same wood as the walls. The tables are all draped in expensive looking tablecloths, placed carefully under meticulously set tableware, and they’re accompanied by tufted chairs, all of them in matching red. The dark colors in the scheme makes the entire place look dim, despite all the chandeliers shining bright against up above the clients’ heads. There are candles decorating the tables, along with fresh roses matching the ones in the dome, but they serve more as a simple ambiance decoration than an actual light source.

And, even though the city they had been in had been just as big as the one they’re in now, and the budget had not changed in the slightest, the shiny grand piano that sits at the center of the small wooden stage at the back of the restaurant had caught Jun’s eyes as soon as you had walked in for dinner. 

It was supposed to be a group dinner, but Mingyu, Chan and Minghao had gone sight-seeing, Vernon had fallen asleep and Seungcheol had stayed back in his room to rest (and, probably, talk to his girlfriend on the phone while eating something from the room service). At the end, it’s dinner of five instead of a dinner of ten, and while it would have been nice to share it with everyone, the company you had was more than enough. 

“This place is groovy! Oh, Seungcheol went all out with this hotel,” Josh exclaims as you sit down at a table neighboring the windows, all five of you immediately drawn to the exterior scene. “I’d say he did an excellent job booking if it weren’t for the fact I’m rooming with Hoshi.”

“Hey!” The younger exclaims. “I’ll have you know I’m an excellent roommate. Best you’ll ever have, you’ll see.” 

“Yeah, I’ll start thinking that once you pick up your dirty socks from the floor after taking them off, that’s not groovy at all.”

“Jesus, can we not talk about Hoshi’s dirty socks while at the table, that’s fucking gross.”

“You’re just overreacting, and please just stop saying groovy,” Soonyoung says, rolling his eyes and picking up the pastel pink menu from the table, locking his eyes on the cardboard. “Anyways, this one burger looks way too nifty to pass it up.”

“I was thinking of ordering the same thing,” Seungkwan says, closing the menu. 

“Have you seen the kind of restaurant we’re in? Order a pasta, or a salad, not a plain burger, go with the groove.” 

“Do you think we’re Seungcheol, Joshua? If you had asked for his card like we told you, maybe we’d be buying pasta and wine for the five of us without you having to tell us about it!”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re scary when you’re angry?” Joshua asks, probably deciding on a burger as well as he imitates Seungkwan and places the menu back on the table. 

“Only sometimes,” Soonyoung responds, smiling. 

You’re not listening to their argument, though, with your chin resting over your hand and your gaze lost somewhere in the movement of a stranger. 

It’s funny how being in a completely different country, in a city a million miles away, there’s some sense of familiarity behind simply watching people walking by. You’re not sure if it’s just the mere action, or maybe a combination of the movement in a similarly urban setting, with the lights reflecting upon the crowd as a sort of kaleidoscopic filter, but it never feels entirely too different. 

“Do you want to play a game?” Jun asks, whispering right into your ear. He’s leaning close to your body, sitting between you and Joshua. You can make out the scent of his cologne as he scoots even closer to you to point to a stranger outside the window. “Like when we counted the number of headlights on the highway on our way here.”

You nod, words suddenly stuck on your throat as soon as you see Seungkwan looking at the both of you. Because truly, it was oh so very easy to get lost in the moment whenever Jun was around, and the thought has you smiling as soon as you notice. It’s oh so very easy to get lost in him. 

“Okay, we’ll make it interesting. Whoever wins buys the other a cherry cola!” he says, his voice still sounding just as soft. If he’s aware of Seungkwan’s stare, he doesn’t show it. Or maybe he just doesn’t care. “Let's spot all the people that look like they’re dressed by Minghao after looking at the Moonwalker, starting… now!”

But his words have you laughing, so deeply you can feel it in your chest as you throw your head back. He looks at you, a care-free smile etched all over your face, and he can’t resist the laugh that forms at the center of the stomach, completely imitating your actions as the rest of the guys simply observe. And it’s amazing, because somehow, you have found just enough comfort in the presence of each other to be able to forget about everyone else. It’s not shy smiles and nervous laughs when in public, but full on grins and bursts of laughter. 

The thing no one notices though, completely distracted by the boisterous laugh, is Jun placing his hand on your thigh under the table, thumb moving in delicate circles against the fabric of your jeans. He doesn’t spare a second thought on it, finding way too much comfort in your closeness to make it a conscious action. And you aren’t even surprised on how natural his touch feels by now, because, somehow, it feels like coming home. 

Or maybe they do, but they just smile at the sight. There’s something enthralling about watching two people falling in love, bit by bit, gesture by gesture. It’s a tell behind the warmth of a smile and the fondness of a look, and while it’s not entirely common, it’s too beautiful to disrupt. 

“Josh, have you really been looking at your reflection this entire time?” 

It’s late, and everyone but you and Jun have left the restaurant by the time the piano player arrives.

You’ve long since finished your meal, having shared a large plate of spaghetti and meatballs after Jun had said he wasn’t even that hungry anyways. You had ordered two cups of coffee and a shared berry panna cotta, way too lost in making conversation about everything and anything to actually notice the passing of time. In reality, it’s only when the coffee has run cold and the musician has started playing that you notice an hour has passed since the guys had left for their rooms. 

The song is not one you recognize, but apparently does, judging from the movement of his fingers against the table. He’s looking at the musician while he runs his fingers on the tablecloth like it’s some sort of invisible piano, making sure to get every single movement right in a tempo that perfectly matches the one that’s being played. You’re not sure if he notices, but his body has begun to sway ever so slightly, somehow matching the movement of his fingers.

The place is the same, yet it feels like a completely different one, even when the only thing that has changed is the music. It’s almost atemporal, like it could be night and day at the exact same time, as if it was simply something out of a dream. 

“Do you know this song?” 

Jun nods. He keeps his eyes on the musician, and a part of you wonders if it’s because he wishes that were him. 

“Yeah, it’s one of my favorites,” he answers, smiling. “I used to play it when I was growing up, back when I was learning. I remember how excited my parents were when I finally got the movements right after years of practice. I guess a part of their excitement that day was a part of what made me fall so in love with music that I decided it was what I wanted to do with my life.” 

“How did you learn to play the piano? Seungcheol says you’re really good, and yet, you’ve never played with me around.”

“My mom’s a piano teacher. She used to give classes at this one prestigious school in our neighborhood, and I would hide behind the kitchen door and listen whenever she had a student,” Jun says. “I always liked how it sounded, so one night I just sat down on the piano and started playing. My mom started giving me classes the very next day.” 

“And what about composing? How did that start?” 

You had ordered a refill for your coffee and drink from your cup as Jun starts talking. 

“I don’t know, maybe with school, or maybe just with books in general. I was always dreaming, thinking about stories. Sometimes I couldn’t get the ones I was learning about out of my mind, and before I knew it, there were so many scenarios being born in my head that I simply had no idea what to do with them.” 

“So you started writing them.” 

Jun nods. “After some time, they started turning into songs. I would be looking at the lyrics and would suddenly start hearing a certain tune playing from the back of my mind. It was only a matter of time until I realized what I kept writing were songs rather than just tales, and they started meaning something more to me. Music makes the world go round, but it’s the lyrics that give it meaning.” 

“Said like a true poet,” you say, a soft laugh leaving your lips as you raise your cup to then once more. “I can tell your lyrics mean a lot to you. I know it probably sounds a bit silly, but I can feel it, you know? The emotion behind them. The words come alive before they’re even in my mouth.”

“Sometimes I can’t really tell what I’m feeling until I turn it into a song. The words come from a place so deep inside I can’t reach them on my own, but have to turn onto a pen and a piece of paper to know what they are,” he finally looks away from the musician. He’s still smiling, softly, gently. “It's a little weird. They feel both so deeply personal yet completely different from myself, as if the Jun that exists in the songs is a completely different person from the Jun in the real world.”

You fall quiet. You try to make sense of Jun’s words in your head as he reaches to grab a hold of your hand, but they’re way too beautiful, too meaningful, for you to tamper with. So you feel your heart grow warm at the passion behind them, looking at the man in front of you like he had just painted the stars upon the night sky. 

“Will you dance with me?” 

“Jun, no one is dancing.” 

“And when have you let that stop you?”

Setting the napkin over the table, Jun gets up from his seat. He stretches his arm out at you, offering his hand, his silver rings reflecting the light upon its touch. And he looks at you, eyes sparkling brighter than ever under the restaurant’s delicate lightning, completely absorbed in the way your body imitates his movements.

You let Jun lead you through the sea of tables, all the way to where the little stage is located. There’s a small space that has been left between the stage and the neighboring tables, and you wonder if maybe dancing is what it’s meant for, despite not being used for it. But Jun is quick to replace your thoughts until they’re only about him, pulling you close to his chest and letting his hand rest against your waist. 

“Just focus on me and I’ll focus on you,” he whispers, moving to talk right against your ear. “Hold me a bit closer and forget about everything else.” 

Pulled flush against his frame, you let your hands fall on his back, closing your eyes as you allow him to sway you to the rhythm of the music. He moves in a way that almost has you wondering if maybe you are flying, but you’re not sure if it’s because of his dancing or if it’s just because it’s him. 

You recognize the song the minute Jun starts singing the words. It’s soft, so much you wouldn’t have heard him if you hadn’t been standing so close to him, basically hugging him flush against yourself. It’s Love Is (The Tender Trap) by Frank Sinatra, and you smile at the similarity between the lyrics and the feeling in your stomach. 

He gives you a twirl and it’s like there are a thousand butterflies flying within you, knowing there really is no getting out, because there is no denying something that manages to make you feel so wonderful. He smiles at you and you’re sure you’re falling in love with Wen Junhui, thinking of the way his kiss had made you tingle once upon a starry night. 

“Keep on steppin’, you’re falling behind!” 

Jun laughs, turning back to face you. The breeze ruffles his hair as he moves, thin strands falling onto his forehead. The sky is a bright blue and the sun is shining with all its might, but Jun’s light blue button up and beige bell-bottoms still rustle in the wind. 

“It’s not my fault you walk that fast,” you say, quickening your pace to catch up with him. He moves smoothly as you meet him, circling your waist with his arm and holding you next to him as you walk. 

“Ah, that’s more like it,” he mumbles as he resumes his walk. His pace is not as fast, looking so much more at ease as he looks around at his surroundings. 

It had been Jun’s idea to spend your free day walking around the city, after Mingyu and the rest of his expedition crew had talked about their experience over breakfast. Some of the other guys had left earlier, excited about going to whatever stores they had seen on the bus before reaching the hotel, leaving you and Jun to simply stroll around and see what you find. 

“This is nice,” he mentions. “It’s been a while since I felt this relaxed.” 

“It’s nice you can feel relaxed in the middle of a tour,” you say, giggling. “But I get what you mean, having a break in the schedule, even if we’re only starting.”

“I think you’re the only rockstar I’ve met that actually uses the word schedule in their daily vocabulary.”

“Yeah, but that’s because I’m the only ‘rockstar’ you’ve met. I mean, besides… Seungkwan. Honestly, he’s the most rockstar material out of all of us.”

“Okay, Barbra Streisand.”

“You have not met Barbra Streisand!” 

“In my dreams.”

“Oh, I didn’t know those counted.”

The boulevard is lively. There’s people strolling up and down on both sides of the street, very much like you and Jun, with their pace and actions revealing there’s not much hurry behind their walks. Cars of all models and colors drive through the street, your walk having a varied background orchestra composed of revving engines, passing conversations and the occasional music that was audible from the entrance of some business. It made for the typical city noise, not much different from the one at home, but somehow perfectly fitting for the particularities of the sight. 

The two of you walk while holding the other, occasionally bumping shoulders with some other pedestrian when not paying particular attention. There’s truly not much on either of your minds behind the wonder of getting to know yet another city and enjoying the warmth of a sunny Thursday evening in each other’s company.

“Is there anything you wanna do?” Jun asks, slowing down his pace but not completely stopping. 

“Not right now,” you answer. “We could stop somewhere for a soda or something later, if you want. You know, since you won yesterday and all.” 

“Let’s go in here, then,” Jun says, moving his hand from your waist to your hand, softly pulling on you to the side. 

You quickly follow him as he walks inside one of the stores, never losing the grip on his hand. The front is small, walls painted red and a bright purple signboard hanging over the glass doors, reading Vintage Records and Books, along with a few music notes that look hand drawn over the surface in multiple colors. There are crates full of books and vinyls, the covers of all of them a bit faded by the sun or scraped over the passage of time. At a first glance you can identify some Johnny Cash copies alongside the assorted records, what must have been a bright green cover now looking surprisingly muted. 

And once you walk inside, the interior is just as lively as the outside. The place is covered in shelves, littered with books on one side of the store and with records in the other, with small placards dividing the shelves and categorizing the products. You can tell it’s a wide variety, with hundreds upon hundreds of colorful covers composing a contrast with the burnt purple of the walls. There are horizontal lines painted all across the walls in a bright green and an almost creamy white, which is replicated in a triangle patterned rug of the exact same colors, resting in the middle of the store. 

Among the shelves, there’s an assortment of indoor plants hanging from the ceiling in bright green ceramic pots, along with a few small trees located between some of the shelves themselves. On the rare vacant spaces in the walls there are band posters or book quotes, some of them autographed and some of them pasted one over the other with washed out tape. 

It feels oddly warm inside the shop, and you wonder if it’s merely because of the way the light breaks in from the tall windows up front. There’s a faint scent of flowers that reaches your nose as soon as you walk in, mixing in with the smell of paper and wood. And it’s heavenly.

“Hey, welcome!” Says someone from behind the bright pink counter. He looks around Jun’s age, with a long mane of dark brown hair that goes below his shoulders. He’s wearing a black hat and a green jacket, grinning at the two of you over the pages of a magazine. “Let me know if you see something you’re down with!” 

“It smells nice in here,” Jun tells you, but he must have spoken loud enough for the man to hear, because his grin grows in size. 

“Thanks, it’s home-made potpourri! I make it myself when there aren’t as many customers coming in,” he says, gesturing to a few jars displayed on a small counter. A few minutes ago, you wouldn’t think it was actually possible for someone to smile so big. “It’s for sale too, and it works really well on large spaces! Looks pretty groovy when it’s on display, if I do say so myself.” 

Jun smiles back, walking over to one of the tall stands where a bright orange sign announces a deal on the records.

“Oh, if you buy one of those, you can take a book from this bin right here for free,” the man says. You can’t make out the letters in his name tag from a distance, but you’re almost sure they start with an S. “You can try them out on that player over there, see if it’s nifty. They’re all second hand, but the quality’s off the hook.” 

You look around as Jun’s fingers graze over the records, flicking them so quick you’re not sure if he’s actually reading the title before discarding them. You hadn’t noticed the man had a record playing in the turntable he had signaled to, quickly recognizing the guitar solo of Jimi Hendrix’s Love or Confusion. 

“Hey, wanna get this Bob Dylan one for Josh? See if he likes the hat?” Jun asks, holding a record in his hand without turning back at you. “Maybe there’s a Kerouac book in that bin you can take with you. You know, for the next bus ride - oh, this one’s groovy!”

“Oh, of course you’d pick a Barbra Streisand record.”

“Yeah, she’s my best friend!” Jun giggles. “You know, besides from you. And Seungcheol, but he doesn’t really count.” 

“I’ll keep your secret, don’t worry. He won’t know you like me better.”

“A lot better.” 

You spend hours browsing the shop, laughing at the silly jokes made by the cashier (whose name is Seokmin) and talking about pasts spent together and pasts spent apart, conversations sewn together by a smile. You had even slow-danced to a couple Elvis songs, all while resting your head against Jun’s chest as Seokmin clapped at the two of you for, as he had said it, resembling a romantic scene from one of his favorite movies. 

And you’re not surprised at how familiar it feels, because in the last few days, Jun had come to mean much more to you than anything you could have ever thought. If you were as much of a hopeless romantic as he was, you’d even think it’s because your conexion runs even deeper than the simple process of falling for a friend, but you merely smile as the thought begins to form inside your head. And you laugh at how much it sounds like one of his songs. 

Because there’s as much beauty in the way he smiles as there is in the way it makes you feel. 

The sun’s beginning to set by the time you and Jun leave the record shop. The wind has gotten colder and the breeze has grown stronger, but as Jun tugs you close to his side, you don’t think you’ve ever felt warmer. 

He’s holding just as many records as you’re holding books, letting you make all the picks from the bin once he had purchased his vinyls, along with a jar of Seokmin’s home-made potpourri. 

His hand searches for yours as soon as you step outside.

“Can’t believe we’re almost there.”

The walk back to the hotel is surprisingly quick. 

Jun had been humming the melody to a song Seokmin had played back when you were at the shop, adding a slight bounce to his step as the pitch in his voice rose and fell with the beat of the song. He had smiled the entire way back, occasionally stopping his hum to point at the colors in the sky or their effects on your shadows on the ground, never failing to look at the smaller details that worked together in one beautiful, cohesive picture. 

But it still feels so much quicker than it had been the other way around, almost seems shorter, as if it had been a different path altogether.

Maybe it’s because you’re not as distracted by the storefront and the other passerbys, or maybe it’s just the feeling of bathing in the setting sun when making your way back that somehow makes the entire thing seem shorter. Jun had stopped to get a pair of pastries and two cups of coffee at a small bakery you hadn’t noticed earlier but went unaverted once the signs lit up, which now await inside a small paper bag and in two paper cups, respectively. As you sip from one of the cups, you think it’s the best coffee you’ve had in a long while. 

Jun suggests yet another game on the way back, making you smile as he tries to locate every single red platform shoe worn by a woman over 5’0”, which, surprisingly, aren’t really that many. And you should have guessed from the moment he had said it, but he was just trying to let you win (because, after all, he had won the last two games and just had to pay the coke back). 

“Ah, you’re getting lucky with your pick!” 

“You were the one that chose what we’d look for!” 

“Just let it be our secret,” he says, turning to wink in your direction. 

You can feel the coolness of the breeze nipping at your nose when you finally reach the hotel, walking through the glass doors with Jun following close behind. He still hasn’t let go of your hand. 

“Do you want to get dinner?” You ask. You can smell the sugar and the cinnamon from the pastries, and your mouth begins to water. “There’s this other pasta dish on the menu that sounds just as good as the one we had yesterday.” 

Jun purses his lips, giving a slight squeezing to your hand. “Let’s get room service, I want to show you something.” 

He starts walking towards the elevator, moving slowly and letting you admire the pastel green lobby in all of its glory. There’s some faint jazz music playing as you walk through the lobby, which you hadn’t noticed until then. A big tree rises from the center of the room, matching some smaller ones that are perched next to the deep green tufted couches and complimenting the flower arrangements that have been used as decorations in both the small coffee tables and the bar at the reception. It’s a slightly different vibe than the one from the dining hall, but somehow, both of them look just as fancy. 

“What is it?” You ask. 

“You’ll see.”

“Can I get a clue?”

“No, you’re going to help me finish it.”

“Please don’t tell me you also collect those freaky deaky puzzles Chan likes to put together in his free time.”

Jun giggles, shaking his head as you reach the elevator. “Ew, the anatomy ones? No, no way.” 

The way up to Jun’s room is spent with him trying to guess the elevator music by singing random lyrics and seeing which one sounds best. Not that he got a single one right, but it was certainly entertaining to watch him try. When you finally reach the 10th floor, Jun is singing the lyrics to Cher’s Where Do You Go to a jazz melody very much similar to the one from the lobby, and you’re sure he’s only doing it to make you smile. 

“Bienvenue to my humble abode,” Jun mutters as he opens the door to his room, making sure to bow down and open his arm to signal the room, completing the entire gesture with a short giggle. “I escaped having Hoshi as a roommate so I have the room all to myself.” 

“And you have Seungkwan’s piano,” you mention as you walk inside, pointing to the small electronic piano that was carefully positioned next to the window. “Does he know?”

“No, I stole it from the van last night,” he answers, laughing and plopping onto the bed. “Oh, I’m so tired!”

The room is not too different from yours; a muted orange wallpaper matching the fuzzy carpet. Both twin beds in Jun’s room are covered in a dandelion yellow duvet, one of them holding all of his luggage while Jun rests on the other one (the one he must have slept in last night, closest to the window). There’s a small television on the vanity, the box a combination of bright beige plastic and faux wood, surprisingly going along with the white lamps that stand on both sides of it. 

“What is it that you wanted to show me?” You ask, coming to sit in one of the chairs next to the vanity. They’re big, tufted, and the color matches with the one of the duvets. The chair is not the most comfortable, but as long as the bed is, you don’t really have to worry about it. 

Jun’s purchases lay next to him on the bed, Barbra Streisand’s Stoney End sitting on top of the pile. He had bought five records, four for himself and one for you (though he had refused to tell you which one it was, insisting it would be a surprise). You had selected five books to match his purchase, including a copy of Ray Bradbury’s The Martian Chronicles, which Jun had suggested you take because of the colorful cover. 

“I’ve been working on a song,” he mutters, still facing down on the bed. The words come out muffled, but they’re still audible. “I think you’ll like it.”

You let out a laugh. “I like all of your songs.” 

“This one’s special,” he says, moving so he’s resting on his shoulders. His hair has gotten a bit disheveled, falling all over his face as his lips curl up in a hazy smile. “I’m working on the melody, too. I just need to hear your opinion about it.” 

“You’ve been inspired,” you comment, reaching over to the vanity where Jun had placed the pastries bag. You take a roll into your hand and notice it’s still warm. 

Jun winks before sitting up. “You’d know all about it.” 

“All I do is sing your songs,” you say, breaking a piece of bread and tucking it into your mouth. It melts as soon as it meets your tongue. “You’re the artist behind the art. Should I start calling you Da Vinci?” 

“I like Monet better. I’m a huge fan of the Impression Sunrise, even got a poster of it up in my room back at home,” Jun answers. He moves so he’s sitting down on the edge of the bed next to Seungkwan’s piano, grabbing a small notebook from the bedside table. You recognize it instantly, because it’s the one he always carries with him. He pats the space next to himself. “Here, I’ll show you.” 

You leave your things on the bed next to all his luggage, books carefully propped against a faux leather duffle bag. Jun takes a piece of the cinnamon bread as soon as you sit down next to him, moving closer as he does, a whiff of his cologne reaching your nose. The duvet is of fine linen, surprisingly soft against your fingertips as you place your hands at your sides. 

“I started writing it the other day,” he says, opening his notebook and placing it on his laps. You try to take a peek at it, but the (messily written) words aren’t readable from a distance. It looks beautiful though, fine lines of black ink rising like a carefully painted artwork on the thick, creamy white paper. “When you fell asleep on the bus.” 

“It’s your fault for making me read to you!” You laugh, moving and bumping his shoulder with yours. “And, in my defense, the top of your head was extremely comfortable.” 

“Yeah it’s like a portable pillow,” he jokes. “Maybe I should start advertising it.”

“Bet Seungkwan would take you up on it, he got asleep on the bus too!” 

There is something about Jun that makes everything seem lighter, helping the seconds run fast against the clock. 

“Here, I’ll show you the melody,” he says, straightening his back and placing his fingers on the keyboard. The assortment of rings he’s wearing had felt cool against your fingers. “I stayed up all night to come up with it. I haven’t finished the lyrics yet, but the music is already here.” 

“Is that why you asked me for help? Are you gonna fall asleep on me?” 

Jun smiles, but doesn’t turn to look at you. “No, not really,” he mutters. 

He plays a key, but doesn’t give it much thought. It’s a quick, crisp sound, not really one that’s a part of a movement, even less of a song. Maybe it’s a reflex, like the clicking of the pen had once been, a mere outlet for his nervousness. He keeps his eyes set on his fingers as he speaks, not really directing his words at you but surely saying them because you’re there to hear them. 

His voice is soft, almost shy. “It’s because you’re the inspiration behind it.” 

And he doesn’t say anything else, but lets his fingers graze upon the keys as he starts playing. You’re not exactly sure what you’re thinking of, mind and heart running a thousand beats per second as you feel it thumping against your chest. There’s a feeling growing in your stomach, and whether it's due to adrenaline or some deeper, more complex feeling remains a mystery. 

You close your eyes as Jun plays, each note igniting fireworks in your head. The music flows into your ears like honey, setting light upon the darkest places of your mind, overflowing your senses with Jun’s interpretation. Every single note sounds just like him, as if he’s becoming the music as he’s making it. His fingers run over the keys in the same way an artist’s brush glazes over a canvas, immersing itself in their creation to a point their creation is all they are. He has become a song, a beautifully crafted sonata, making your heart feel warmer with every moment. You know it’s because the song itself is beautiful - but so is he, and that translates into every single sound, every single feeling. 

You let out a gasp as he begins to sing; it’s broken, a few lines here and there. You can tell it’s the bits he’s finished, the ones he’s comfortable with, leaving everything like a game of fill in the blanks. He had sung to you before, either in the song demos or in some practices where he had been finishing a song nearby - but his voice had never sounded sweeter. Your heart tugs against your chest as you listen to him, words coming alive in your head like the ones in the pages of a romance novel. 

“Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you’ll marry a music man…”

Your hands ball up into fists, scrunching the soft duvet as you try to keep your eyes closed, no matter how much your eyelids are threatening to flutter open. You don’t want to see anything that isn’t him, or his voice; don’t want to feel anything that isn’t the sudden warmth that rises all over your body, making you feel like you’re flying - 

And he stops, hands suddenly moving away from the keyboard after a faulty note. 

“Stop distracting me!” He says, laughing as his cheeks grow red in embarrassment. He hands his hands on his lap, fingers absentmindedly fumbling with the rings he has on. 

You don’t open your eyes, joining him in his laughter and falling on your back onto the bed. You bring your hands to your face, hiding behind them as your laughter grows louder. 

“I wasn’t doing anything!” You answer. 

You feel the space next to you dip as Jun imitates your movement, resting onto his back. His notebook has fallen to the floor, open in half, but he doesn’t notice. He brings his hand to your face, taking your own and moving it away from your face. He props himself up on his elbow, connecting your fingers over the duvet in the space that separates the two of you. 

“Did you like it?” He asks, words falling from his lips between jolts of laughter. His voice is soft, and it feels like velvet against your ears. “You know, before I messed up.” 

“It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard,” you whisper, opening your eyes and rolling to your side to look back at him. “Did you really write it because of me?”

Jun nods. He’s smiling, looking at you fondly as he searches for the words inside his head. “You’re a song in and out of yourself.” 

He doesn’t move as you stare into his eyes. Looking at him, you’re suddenly reminded of the night he had kissed you - the same constellations that had shined high above your heads now reflected in his eyes, drawing you deeper into his spell. You feel like you’re falling, the entire world falling as you lay on the bed, his hand on yours the only thing pulling you back into reality. It’s as if the world around you changes every single time you’re with Jun, spinning wildly out of orbit and transforming into an unknown fantasy, with the only sure thing being the way his eyes come to rest upon you. You’re not sure if anything else exists apart from Jun, because suddenly he’s all you can see. All you can feel. 

“And I think I’ve fallen in love with you,” he continues. He keeps his eyes on you as he speaks, as if trying to assure you his words are only for you to hear. “Or maybe I already was, but only just noticed. I hear your voice in every word, see your face every time I turn around with your name etched deep in my heart. I don’t think I could get you out of my head no matter how hard I tried. And I don’t think I would ever want to.” 

You hadn’t noticed there were tears forming in your eyes until one fell down on your hand, ice cold against the warm skin. You open your mouth, searching for words deep down in your heart, but Jun shakes his head. 

“Just… let me say it, you can go after,” he says. “I’ve been dreaming of love my entire life. As far as I can remember, I’ve always dreamed of feeling it. It wasn’t just something out of a fairytale or a novel, not even a dream coming out to a song. It’s been the theme behind all my songs and the happy ending of all my stories. And never would I have thought it would feel like this. Never would I have thought those dreams would become you, but you’re there, in every single word. In every single thought.” 

He moves, fingers caressing the back of your hand as he gives it a squeeze. He moves his hand, placing yours over his chest, directly over his heart. Although faintly, you’re sure you can feel it beat. 

And you move forward, your other hand on his neck, connecting his lips with yours. It’s warm, and you can make out a vague saltness that is no doubt a product of your tears. But they are long forgotten, the feeling of Jun’s lips against yours setting your body on fire as his hands come to rest upon your skin. You can feel your every vein light up as you move as close to him as you can manage, the space between you always weighing upon the both of you no matter how much you try to reduce it, because the feeling of your bodies pressed against each other is one you simply can’t get enough of. 

He opens his eyes, eyelids fluttering open at the need to see you; to set the final piece of the puzzle in his mind. It’s a puzzle that looks, sounds and moves like you, composed of a love that burns too bright to ignore. 

And as he looks at you, resting comfortably on the soft linen sheets, he’s sure he has never seen such a beautiful sight.

The next few days go by in a flash. 

The days start early, as early as the sun goes up and you have breakfast on some terrace with Jun by your side, with the sun reflected upon his skin like a golden veil. They’re spent in jolts of laughter with your friends, soaking in the sun when sight-seeing in all the cities you’ve visited. They’re spent carelessly singing in the bus, with Joshua and Chan backing up the vocals with loud strums of their guitars, not really caring about beat, or tune, or whoever may be listening. They’re spent getting to know the world with the people that make the entire thing worth it, smiling and laughing along. They’re spent in sleepless nights on stages or someone’s backyard, twisting and turning in Jun’s hand as he moves you to the rhythm of the music. They’re spent in him watching you from a balcony, dancing and singing along to the crowds adoring your every move, finding himself lost in your voice. 

And they’re spent in composing, with Jun finding inspiration in the smallest of your movements, lyrics suddenly being born in the crack of a smile and the fondness behind a look. 

By the time the song is finally ready to be sung, he’s still a bit nervous. It feels like a deja vu, with him tapping quickly upon a faux tiled floor. 

He rests his back against a wall, standing next to a closed door. He tries to move out of the way as people pass in a hurry, carrying equipment or reading from lists, simply looking around as he tries to count on the passing of time. He tries to maintain a steady beat with his foot, counting along in his head as he reads from the piece of paper he’s holding. Trying not to think about the sounds of a growing crowd, he can feel the paper crumpling in his hand, thinking that his grip on it might be a little too tight. Nonetheless, he can’t loosen it up, no matter how much he wants to. 

Night has fallen, and he can see the stars from the small window that rises at the top of the wall in front of him. There’s some moonlight breaking in, lighting up the ground and the glass detailings on the colorful tiles. For a second, he thinks of how familiar it feels, to be able to see a picture where there is none, and he smiles. Backstage or not, the night looks the same all around. 

He lets out a big breath, moving his free hand around as he does until he hears the door next to him flutter open. A laughing Chan walks out from it, followed by Josh and Mingyu, all of them with their guitars strapped down and ready to be played. They pat Jun on the back before they follow the small arrows on the ground, walking in the direction of the stage. 

He runs through the lyrics in his head as the rest of the band follows, you walking behind while trying to fix the back of your jacket. Minghao had suggested some fringes on the sleeves to add some “movement” but they had proven a bit impractical when getting stuck whenever you moved your arms. 

“Hey,” Jun says, grabbing your attention. “Do you have a moment?” 

You smile. “What are you doing back here? I thought you and Cheol were gonna watch from the balcony.”

“We are,” he confirms, nodding his head. “I just wanted to say hi.”

His voice is shaking as he speaks, as much as he tries to hide it. You take his free hand in yours, stopping his movements in midair, giving his fingers a slight squeeze as you attempt to bring him some comfort. 

“Are you nervous?” You ask. He simply nods, smiling when he feels you tightening your grip on his hand. “Is it because of the song?” 

“I know it’s a bit silly,” he comments. Despite holding the piece of paper, he runs his hand through his combed-back hair, causing a few strands to fall messily over his forehead. It looks so much better than when it’s gelled up. “But it feels different this time around. I don’t know, It feels a lot more personal somehow.” 

Bringing his hand up to your face, you give it a kiss. He sighs at the feeling. 

“They’re gonna love it, Jun,” you say. 

He smiles at you. “As long as you love it, that’s more than enough for me.” 

“Well, you already know that I do,” you giggle. “I’ll always love every single song you write.”

Laughing with you, he pulls you to his chest as he envelops you in a hug. Sighing against you, he tucks his face in your neck as he feels you hugging him back. You smile, feeling him press a light kiss on the exposed skin. He smells of sugar and cinnamon. 

“Leave them breathless,” he whispers as he breaks apart from the embrace. 

He kisses you one more time, quickly pecking the top of your head before he walks away. You give him one last smile, running your fingers down his arm as you begin to part.  

You walk in opposing directions, and Jun quickens his pace as he climbs the stairs leading to the balcony. He can hear the crowd growing with every step he takes, feeling a knot forming in his stomach as he moves his fingers around in an attempt to control his nerves. The way up seems familiar, consisting in dimly lit hallways and semi-peeled off posters on the walls, and he doesn’t even notice a few minutes have passed by the time he finally reaches the balcony. 

It’s not the Moonwalker, but the place shines just as bright. He greets Seungcheol, placing a palm on his friend’s back as he comes to stand next to him. 

“Hey, I was about to go looking for you,” he says, as a form of greeting. He smiles at his friend and motions to the public below with his beer bottle. “Great turn out tonight! I think this is our biggest venue yet, it’s amazing! I was talking to some guy over there, and he says a story is being printed on the newspapers about how successful the tour has been so far.” 

Jun smiles. “They deserve it. They’re an amazing group.”

“And they have amazing songs,” Seungcheol comments, nudging Jun’s shoulder with his own. 

Jun sets his eyes on the empty stage just as the lights begin to fall. A limelight focuses on the center of it, right where the standing microphone rises high among the sea of instruments. You walk out from the side with the rest of the band following close behind, and just like his very own, everyone’s eyes are on you. 

“We have a very special song for you tonight,” you say. You look up in the direction of the balcony, and Jun feels his heart beat loudly against his chest when you wink at him. “We hope you enjoy the show.” 

A breath gets caught in his throat when Seungkwan starts playing, fingers delicately grazing over the keyboard of his piano. He can feel Seungcheol’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze, but all he can focus on is you. 

It’s always been that way, and the feeling on his chest lets him know it always will. It feels like a thousand butterflies finally setting flight. 

He smiles when you begin to sing, forgetting about everything else. The world around him stops existing, and just as the words start leaving your lips, he lets himself go. Because he had spent his entire life dreaming of this moment, thinking about the feeling being born in his chest. And he’s happy he’s waited, because it feels better than he could have ever imagined. 

Completely shaking off his nerves, he closes his eyes and lets out a breath. 

Hold me closer tiny dancer… 

[youwontlikethisblog]

Betty, My Betty! Part 2.5 (Hopefully the last one)

Alrighty, I think this will be my last post for tonight? This morning? But it is still in the same vine of Armando being possessive so he is the main subject of this breakdown but I will also be discussing Mario a lot here so this in an attempt to be the final post regarding this episode will be a lengthy one.

Again I accidently bought the bootleg version of the novela so some scenes and episodes are missing as well as the chapters aren't titled.

We are in the same episode of Armando reacting to Betty having a boyfriend.

Right now Betty is exiting her office, she just hung up the phone with Nicolas who warned her that they needed to pay a loan to the bank because their 24 or 27 days were up.

Mario is leaning over Armando's desk and Armando is leaning forward as they are both discussing and whispering (that part is so short you can't really pick at what they're talking about but you can imagine what it is. I'm assuming that while Mario was telling Armando not to question or judge Betty on her personal life that Betty was in her office on the phone with Nicolas and when Mario leaned forward to talk to Armando Betty was about to end her call so they are essentially talking about how to go about finding out who Betty's boyfriend is) something I cannot hear. As Betty fully exits her office Mario moves from being up front to in the back of the room by the doors that take us to the meeting room. He looks Betty down and up as if checking her out.

This small frame(I don't know if when they were whispering it was them arguing over Mario's proposal of the plan or if Mario hadn't proposed it yet and it was just them talking about how to find out who Nicolas is because again, since this bootleg version isn't the complete one some scenes are missing so I could be wrong about this one! but the episode I saw on NBC showed the exact same scene so I'm going by the first "(red)" in the paragraph above) allows us to depict Mario coming up or starting to scheme the plan.

We know Mario Calderon will screw anything that has legs, wears skirts, and breathes and consents that is(<-hopefully). Every woman who has had a seggsual relationship with him has said so. Marcela warned Paty about it before they got involved so I'm assuming that in this scene Mario is checking out Betty to see if it's possible for someone to really love(lust) her and if not than he needs to figure out a plan and a way to convince Armando to follow through said plan.

When you're writing a novel you write down the key points you want to make but as you imagine certain scenes you really delve into detail of characterization. You make sure that whatever happens in that scene that your characters behave as themselves. So you really spend time getting to know your characters. This is a general rule of thumb for any creative writer. The plus of being a novelist or writing literature is that you can really go deep into details and write scenes in really long poetic ways. I don't know how to write scripts but I've read some from TV shows I've watched and they are written differently than a novel. Scripts have more dialogue than poetic descriptions and they are usually blunt with what the writer wants from each character in that scene.

For example: (Take this with a grain of salt I don't know how to write scripts I am going off based on how I've read them)

Ana walks into the room. The camera focuses on her face. There's lighting outside and we see the lighting flash on her face.

Julian turns to see her. He is surprised to see her. He thought she was dead. He stands up slowly. The camera focuses on his face and then Ana's.

She smiles at him, tears forming in her eyes.

"Is that re-really you?" He stutters. He then walks slowly towards her.

In a script you write where the camera goes, where the actors move, the facial expressions, the mood of the room, and so forth. Yes directors do have a say on how they choreograph scenes and actors can add their own two cents but script writers have a pretty good idea of everything that is going on the scene and why it is. If in novel writing(that's not the correct term) we focus a lot on how the reader will imagine the scene and being able to correctly and artistically discribe it as well as how they will understand it because we are not focusing on visual cues like script writers but rather focused on using words to be able to paint a inner visual picture than in scripts the writer usually focuses on tone and movement. The same rule still stands though; show don't tell.

Why do I even bring this up?

This helps us understand that what is shown here isn't just an accident. We aren't being fed what we're told, we are being fed what we see. What we see is the final vision of the writer. Fernando Gaitan was the only one to write this novel and he wrote every detail with the intention of it to mean something.

I have no doubt that the actors added their own flavor as they are excellent actors and the reason why we were able to fall in love with these character. The directing is amazing as well. The scene cuts, the frames, and the choreo are amazing(tho some stills are funny and y'all know which ones) but the writing has a lot to do with it. If anyone is a script writer or knows what that's about correct me if I'm wrong!

I say this because what we are being told and shown is that Armando had feelings for Betty and not a crush like Betty did. He actually cared about her, as a friend. I know many don't agree with that because Armando was a crappy boss. We see them always interact as boss and employee but the reason why I continue to bring up the fact that he started to blur those lines is because we were being told and shown that.

Armando is mechanical. He is emotionless to the outsiders. As he once told Betty that she probably thinks he is a man of ice and later on in the future we see Betty daydream telling Marcela that she knows Armando acts like he's got a heart of stone but deep inside of him he needs a lot of love. However Armando isn't a man of iron and he tells that to Betty himself.

We are told this but what are we shown?

We are shown an erratic, often driven by emotion, and neutronic person. Now the people he has surrounded himself with aren't the most loving and welcoming people. They are pretty judgy and stuck up. So often the emotions he shows and knows how to distinguish well are anger, frustration, and most of all being erratic with the emotions mentioned above. These emotions drive him. The people around him think that he is a man of stone and that nothing moves him. However we then meet a woman who isn't like that at all or like any of the people he has surrounded himself with.

This person is kind, loving, respectful, and sweet to everyone. She loves her job, loves her friends, loves her family and secretly loves her boss. In a very poetic way Betty is color in an otherwise black and white world. She brings warmth to Armando and because they work so closely, how is he not supposed to be affected by this? How is he not supposed to be changed and moved by this?

He is an awe of her morals, of Betty's qualities and her general presence and though we aren't bluntly told this by the characters themselves we are shown this and it's not by accident and not by mistakes of post production.

Take a break if you need it.

It isn't an accident that we see Mario so much in these scenes just standing in the background taking it all in because he truly is the mastermind behind Betty's downfall. He truly mapped out and planned the way to seduce Betty and how to manipulate Armando and didn't even care if it hurt her or his best friend. What he cared about was that his best friend remained President because titles mean everything to him. As we saw in the past when Armando and him were arguing over the deal with the Panamanian fabric seller, while Armando focused on how it not only affected him and the major shareholders but everyone, Mario reminded him that he was also a minority shareholder, but a shareholder nonetheless. Armando's inner turmoil was that he was jeopardizing the livelihood of not only the company's shareholders, and his family but the entire company's employee roster while Mario was more focused on himself, telling him that he too had a lot to lose but not understanding what really weighted down Armando's shoulders.

Think about it, Mario in a sense is a leech. He gets the crumbs of women Armando doesn't want. If I'm not mistaken in the spinoff Eco Moda Mario himself says that women only ever showed interest in him because they wanted to get close to Armando. Mario lives off of the crumbs of Armando, not only with women but socially. Armando is one of the major shareholders of Eco Moda, he's attractive, charismatic, and an important figure in society and not only among the Fashion world like Mario is. Mario Calderon wasn't going to let his best friend lose the title of being President for anything because than it would be bad for him. It would be bad for his reputation to have been his close friend and accomplice to Armando while also being a part of a disastrous presidency term in the company.

Mario is charismatic, one could even say a lot more than Armando seeing as I myself even like him even when I know all of this about his character. I find him funny, charming, and at times endearing but of course that's when you look at him on a surface level.

Mario Calderon is despicable. He is downright selfish and egocentric down to the bone. He maps out this plan so easily because he knows his two victims well. He has seen Armando's disagreements with Marcela, he has witnessed first hand Armando's change towards Betty and silently observed Betty's interactions with Armando. He himself has thrown out his conclusions on Betty's actions by a simple snip bits of conversation that he's either been in the room to hear or heard from Armando himself.

Who better to make Betty fall in love than Armando? Because Betty has those feelings there and who better to do be the one to do this than Armando? Not only because those feelings are there but because Armando can stomach the job. The man who is confused about his feelings and behaving erratically and emotionally driven than Armando?

Because Armando proposes for Calderon to do it. At first Calderon is grossed out by the idea but Armando presents everything telling him he isn't the boss, that he has no morals and he was perfect for the job. Mario agrees with all of that, even asks for a bigger percentage of shareholding and Armando agrees. This gives us the understanding that Mario would be willing to seduce Betty.

I realize this contradicts my own personal opinion that Armando agreed to do this because it meant he was saving Betty from Nicolas but lets remember that Armando was afraid to face those feelings and he wasn't even aware that they were there. Here Armando and Mario weren't talking about love, as he thinks Betty is so in love with Nicolas that he is her eternal love and that Nicolas would take advantage of that and poison her against them, they are talking about seduction, meaning seggsual. Which I've said before Armando thinks lust is love and therefore that if he ain't wanting to jump they bones in that instant that it cain't be love therefore my mans thought he had no feelings for Betty(idk why bc we do get two scenes where he checks her out briefly (I am sure of this because it's the episode where Betty tripped and was limping and when Mario brought it up Armando asked if she didn't already walk like that, if he had been noticing her walk than he would have been aware of the limp but his eyesight went from the top of Betty's head all the way down. Do with that information what you'd like :)) and where he gets jealous when Charlie Zas kissed her cheek(someone once said that they were celos de jefe and excuse me ma'am jealousy is jealousy and a normal boss would not feel that. If my boss or manager ever did that I woulda done been fired in that instant))

Take a break if you need it.

Okay return back to this scene.

While Calderon does this mila second rundown of Betty, Armando and him share a stare. Either Armando wants the room to himself or is looking at him for a confidence boost. Then Mario nods and lets him know he'll leave them be.

Armando sticks to the script by not removing his trust from Betty. Instead he encourages her and congratulates her on doing things well.

In this scene while Betty has been entirely focused on the work at hand and being professional Mario was busy assessing the situation while Armando... is hard to read here. He is keeping himself composed rather than being emotionally driven or erratic or neurotic. In truth he is showing one of his best traits so far, composure. When he is sure of what he wants to happen Armando is really good at keep composure, feelings at bay, and controlling the situation. Something he later loses as he begins to get more lost and confused in his own feelings and understanding them.

Betty here is endearing, honestly I find Betty endearing at all times lol. She's super cute and such a good sport since her character is written to capture your heart, not by sympathy but by empathy. Again just like Armando how are we not supposed to be affected by such a sweet character? Constantly putting her feelings aside for Armando's, who hasn't done that? We empathize with her because at some point or another we've been her and ironically it's the exact same reason why we sympathize and empathize with Armando because at some point or another we've all been there where we let the worse get the best of us and we've learned to live with it and deal with it same as he.

As Betty starts to leave the office Armando calls her name, stands up in a slow but steady way showing us that he is the one in control in this situation. His tone is controlled but not enough where you don't hear that resent.

"Betty you didn't hadn't told me you've got a boyfriend"

Betty looks taken aback by this behavior of his. As she stares at him a bit shocked and rocks on her feet, seeming uncomfortable with this but also worried.

Armando proceeds to say "and that that boyfriend is Nicolas Mora, your friend from university. The one you've got in Terra Moda" Notice how now there is a waiver in his voice and he no longer is being as composed or in control of his emotions. As he for split seconds allows those emotions of jealousy and possessiveness to sweep through his tone of voice.

In this scene Armando isn't so much giving us body language as he is stiff, showing nervousness and discomfort himself, often we see this whenever Marcela is interrogating him but he is giving us tonality in voice.

Again the sequence as he names the list of what and who Nicolas is shows priority. First, Nicolas is Betty's boyfriend, that guy she's talked about who she went to university with, and she's got him working in Terra Moda. His priority: Betty has a boyfriend. He knows who said boyfriend is and he knows what he does.

Betty tells him that she doesn't have a boyfriend: "Ay ay no Doctor, eso no es cierto." Betty normally has a waiver her voice whenever she's nervous or scared so it's not unlike her to have it here, she smiles and chuckles nervously. In translation what she says is lost so by interpretation this is what she said "Hmm? No sir... um that's not true."

Armando's tone is now accusing her. He seems angered by Betty's "denial" as he tells her "It's not true? I heard it-" we then get a frame of Betty's reaction. She is truly concerned over this as we later find out at the end of the day that she was worried that it could cause Don Armando to build distrust towards her. Again we are shown that Betty is keeping it all professional whilst Armando isn't.

"I heard when Bertha told you, right in front of me. [Y'all] started gossiping, didn't notice I was there. You both forgot about me, no Betty?"* He is shaking as if agitated and he sports a cocky smile because he feels like he caught her in her own lie.

[*]This could be taken in a double sense. In his eyes Betty was so excited about hearing that her "eternal love" called her that she forgot he was in the room and in a figurative way, Betty forgot him.

Betty's understanding of his behavior is rational. He's upset that she withheld vital information from him after she told him she had nothing else to hide(when he interrogated her the previous night) and this is related to a professional work related situation.

Armando now sports similar traits to that of Marcela when she is looking for reasons to act out on her anger. Armando is agitated as stated before and while Betty goes to explain herself Armando grabs his glass of whisky, not taking his eyes off Betty and drinks(cantinero, otro whisky!(Now his behavior here is very interesting because as he grabs the glass to drink from it he takes in a deep breath. At first I interpreted this for anger but after seeing it a few times I realize it's panic. While at first he was composed and sure of what he was feeling which was anger, now he is faced with uncertainty from feelings he doesn't recognize and he doesn't know where this conversation is going to head or how he'll react or feel so he enters panic mode)). She tells him that it was something the cuartel came up with because she once mentioned Nicolas and since then they haven't gotten it out of their heads that he is her boyfriend "I don't have anything with him."

Then relief starts to wash over him as Betty's final words are reassuring him that she doesn't have a boyfriend. In this frame Armando no longer has a drink in hand and he doesn't seem as tense as before.

"Definite? We're sure of that?"

Betty chuckles and nods and his tone of voice returns to being soft spoken and calm, even hopeful as he tells her "Okay, okay it was only curiosity." (What kind of curiosity tho?;))

Betty leaves his office and has a slight smile and was on the brink of a daydream when Sofia interupts her from doing that.

I have this dumb theory where Aura Maria and Freddy are in some way a parallel of Betty and Armando except that Aura Maria takes on the role of Armando while Freddy takes on the role of Betty and if y'all want I'll write a post explaining this.

Take a break if you need it.

Skip a scene we've got Armando interacting with Freddy. Usually everyone pays the burnt of Armando's anger and in this scene he looks anything but angry. He actually humors Freddy which allows us to know that after that conversation with Betty, he has one less problem(you know the one that topped all the others). He then laughs at Freddy(I find it ironic that Freddy told him that what Jenny and him have is strictly professional at which Armando laughs and repeats the same thing. The reason I find it ironic is because we as an audience know that what J & F have is not strictly professional and the conversation Armando just had with Betty wasn't strictly profession. In other words, Fernando Gaitan has a good sense of humor) and tells him to show him his lil dancy dance and leaves to go to Mario's Office.

When he enters his office he informs him he spoke to Betty about that infamous boyfriend.

"What did she say?" Mario asks.

"Well no, that she doesn't have a boyfriend." his smiles and says happily. He the catches him up on the gossip.

While Armando is now showing an array of emotion and excitement Mario is poker face, fidgeting with his pen and studying Armando.

He tells him "You know what this means? That I'm a happy man!" he chuckles and looks around the room as if really taking in the news and letting the relief settle in. "What a relief, finally some good news today, ah" he says the final part as if he were an italian chef. This lets us know that Armando is truthfully relieved to find out that Betty, his Betty is single and that he is still her special man.

In the previous post I talked about how Armando went about listening his excuses to start drinking early that day and how he basically went going from his smallest problem to the biggest one as he says that the one that topped all of his other problems was Betty having a boyfriend.

See, all his other problems were a cause of stress and anger, emotions he is very familiar with so they don't disconcert him however, jealousy or fear of losing Betty, are new territory for him that alone freaked him out but the fact Betty had a boyfriend was enough to just push the boy just close enough to the edge he needed a drink so early in the morning because it was anguish.

Mario tells him he has never seen him so relieved and happy to find out a woman doesn't have a boyfriend to which we pan out to see Armando roll his eyes and slouch against the chair, annoyed at Mario's insinuation once again.

Mario reminds him of the last time he saw that same expression on him which was when he found out some woman was separated from her husband. Armando then tells him not to diminish the good news because it meant Betty hadn't ommited any information from him.

To really bring this post to the full potential of it being analytical let us break this down.

Why was it important for him that Betty not omit information from him? Especially relating to something so personal and intimate of Betty's life outside of the office? (Again the argument that this is only about Eco Moda and Terra Moda are disproven in the previous post).

[EDIT: Sometimes as I write I've got two ideas at the same time and forget to finish writing them. It wasn't only important for the reasons mentioned below but because he does in fact want to know more about Betty as he later tells Bertha the same thing].

Armando went through the five stages of grief.

Anger, denial, anger, denial, more denial, and then moving on.

He did not accept that Betty had a boyfriend therefore when she told him she didn't he fully believed her, didn't ask more questions.

For Armando Betty's character means a lot. I don't mean the individual personification of Betty as a fictional character in this novela I mean as in her inner self and what she represent. To him Betty represent stability, comfort, unconditionality, honesty, and most of all fidelity and loyalty and the last three qualities are what he is always naming. If she withheld something from him it would mean that Betty was no longer that. She no longer would be an object of reassurance and comfort but like everyone else she'd become an unpredictable and untrustworthy individual in his life. Some one more that he needed to keep at arm's length or pretend around.

Armando has gotten a taste of being around someone who doesn't judge him when he is himself and doesn't hold it over him when he makes mistakes based on his neurotic nature or anger issues. Instead he has been around someone who understand he's like that, someone who is patient and knows how to call him out on it and how to handle his erratic behavior so he has learned to let his guard down little by little and found a niche of comfort in his assistant but if she lied to him it would take all of that away. It would be betrayal in his eyes.

That's why it was so important to him that Betty didn't keep secret from him. Especially seeing as they were forming a friendship that was based on honesty and respect towards each other. This explains why that was important to him. It's important for him to have trust in her.

However we ain't kidding anyone because his reaction was possessive over Betty because Betty has given all of these things to Armando, who has never really received them without some fine print, and he doesn't want to share her with anyone else. This is possessiveness and it is not love or romantic. It is a toxic trait because not one person belongs to someone and Armando feels that Betty belongs to him. Be it romantically, platonically, or work related, a person is a human being and they do not belong as an object or property to anyone.

Armando is a very emotionally immature individual and this shows us that.

Mario then proceeds to be his classical self, which is to sow the seed of paranoia in his best friend as he starts to point out that her friends wouldn't be saying that if Betty hadn't given them a reason. His hands clasped in front of him show a position of power. Right now he is holding the cards and he is well aware of that.

Right as he see the reaction he wanted from Armando he leaves him to ferment so to speak in the paranoia he has left in him. Armando becomes nervous all over again and susceptible to it.

He is left with himself and he says "Y quien es el.." now if you're hispanic or latino you'll find the humor in how that scene ends as he starts to sing in a sorrowful tone a very romantic and a song that I'd say most listen to when dealing with a break up "y en que lugar se enamoro de ti?"

Which translate to "And what is he like? and in what place did he fall in love with you?"

I won't read too much into that as I'm sure it was written in for humor or added in for the humor effect as we've had some pretty heavy emotionally driven scenes in this episode but I do think it's an ironic placement of humor.

Now to bring the final scene that I will be discussing regarding Armando finding out about Betty's boyfriend we come full circle with Armando asking Bertha about it.

He acts charismatic, composed and professional to get Bertha to talk to him.

"The subject is the following: I've got a long time working with Betty and It's just until now that I find out she's got boyfriend. Do you know who he is?"

"Well like really know? No, because she's so reserved"

He then with a pierced mouth nods. Again those feelings are creeping back up. I get it. He's feeling paranoia, distrust, betrayed, hurt, offended, scared, jealous, possessive and angry but this proves what I mentioned about Armando having his guard up at all times because he doesn't show any of this to Bertha, at least not enough where she picks up but because we as an audience are given so much detail regarding his character, we can.

Quickly he asks her "And you don't know how long she's been dating him?" brings us full circle again. The same tone he had with Betty when he told her that he was in the same room as her when Bertha said that she had a boyfriend, minus the smirk and actual reaction of his, once again proves that Armando knows when to show his reaction and how to be in control and composed.

Bertha proceeds to tell him the "actual" story in which she tells him "dating dating? No, but he does have her eating from the palm of his hand because she's stupidly in love with him." and we hear Armando gasp and say "No." we then get a frame of his face which shows us... the opiset of happiness, joy, relief, tranquility, peace, serenity but with someone trying to be composed.

Bertha tells him that Mariana read her the cards and said that he was Betty's dream man and that he was going to change her life and she was going to change his life. I don't care for that but for the sake of this breakdown I'll mention it.

We know that Betty's dream man is Armando, not Nicolas. However everyone else thinks it's Nicolas. Armando's facial expression shows someone once again panicking.

He not only finds out that Betty has boyfriend, now it turns out she didn't just omit something from him but lied when he asked her and to top it off she so happens to be stupidly in love with him and on top of all of that he is Betty's dream man and to finish it off, he will change her life and she will change his life in the mildest of riches, meaning with Betty becoming the sole owner of Eco Moda and Terra Moda, making her rish rish $$$.

This is when it no longer is just about his mixed up feelings for Betty but now the entire livelihood of his family and everyone that works for Eco Moda.

Eco Moda is Armando's pride and joy. He does love that company which is why he started that scheme in the first place because he didn't want to lose it, let his father down, prove Daniel right, and throw away 30 plus year of his father's work and life time(Also as we're told because of his goals). The company means a great deal to him and in ways he's not aware of yet, so does Betty.

However someone is aware of this, not to the deep knowledge that Armando has regarding whatever he thinks he is feels towards Betty but they've got some sort of idea regarding this and they innact and come up with a plan to secure the company, the presidency, and his statues and reputation.

Step one: Tell Armando that he needs to make Betty fall in love with him to secure the company. Women in love will do anything for the one they love therefore if he beats Nicolas to the goal we secure the company. It worked with Paty(he's stupid so his logic doesn't work)

Step two: Convince Armando that he is the right candidate for the job. If that doesn't work, manipulate him with paranoia and make him fear Betty. If that doesn't work, tell him you were sure that Betty was in love with him before you found out about Nicolas.

Step three: Tell Armando I will be in charge of all the corny details because he will freak out and get way over his head and ruin the plan.

Step four: make fun of him.

Step five: Go on a trip and write a letter that explains the entire plan in detail and leave it on my desk without telling my secretary to not let anyone touch it or go near it except Armando so that she can go into my office, and I know how she likes to be nosy, and she can then think it's in the wrong office and give it to her assistant who takes care of all of his stuff, literally, and she finds it, reads it and does exactly what I was afraid of and made my best friend afraid of as well and that will then bring her downfall, his downfall, therefore the entire company's downfall.

Step six: never realize how stupid I am or take full accountability for it and apologize sincerely for all the wrong and harm I have caused.

Obviously I'm not saying Armando is innocent or that he didn't do anything wrong. He did. He allowed his best friend to manipulate him when he said he wouldn't listen to him again(the panama thing), he allowed his best friend to make fun of Betty and was a coward to admit his true feelings not only to himself but to his best friend. He was a willing(felt guilty for it but nonetheless willing) participant in the plan.

By now breaking down these past episodes and scenes allows us to understand where Armando was coming from so we can sympathize just a bit for him and his confusion and how he was so easily manipulated by Mario, however this doesn't mean he isn't guilty. At the start of it he too to some degree thought no one could love Betty, (yes we later find out that he did care for her as he tells Mario that he feels endearment for Betty and he looks relieved to find that out. I will be breaking down that scene when I get to it) because of her physicality (I already talked about this but when the time is right I will go into deep detail regarding this part of Armando's character).

It is eleven AM. I have been writing this post for the past seven hours and I am beat and tired. I hope this makes sense.

Once again, 'til next time.

HAHAHA OKAY I FORGOT TO ADD SOME COMMENTARY ON THE REST OF THIS SCENE.

[Edit:

Bertha proceeds to tease Armando about him liking gossip and being Nosey. He gets annoyed at her but in order to get the information he wants he stays composed and tells her that he just wants to know about Betty.

"It's not that[I like gossip], it's just that this is about someone who is really close to me everyday-who I work really close with- and truth be told I am a little curious about Betty's life. You know, one just imagine her a little ugly and with boyfriend...? You know? Why don't you tell me the whole thing?"

At first he is a being defensive while trying to justify the fact he is being nosey. His tone then changes to endearing as he tells her "truth be told I am a little curious about Betty's life." and his face goes along with the tone as he says "you know, one just imagines her a little ugly-" he catches himself and say "and with boyfriend...?"

Overall what we have learned here is that Armando is really good at dismissing his feelings on the spot, suppressing them, and running away from them(I too do that and it's a pain in the butt). He does this as a sport.

Bertha then tells him "The thing is that Betty doesn't like it much for you to know about her private life." and this again offends Armando as he straightens his face and stares at Bertha in shock and as Bertha says "How is it, Sir..." and he quickly sits down to listen to her. "that this morning when we left your office she pulled me aside and told me that she didn't want you to know about her intimate life?" he rubs his chin, eyes still on Bertha and whispers "Really?"

Armando knows that Bertha can't tell half a gossip so instead of asking her to keeping telling him, practically begging her to tell him the whole scoop he manipulates her by saying "If this is going to cause problems then don't tell me. Let's leave it as is, Bertha, thank you." his tone is somber to tug at her strings, how could she possibly leave this man curious over this juicy gossip? and how could she not tell the whole story? Especially because it's her boss?

Bertha chuckles and tells him that she, of course is going to tell him, that she is dying to tell him. Armando then tells her "Well then if this is between us two it doesn't leave the planet, go on, tell me how did it go?"

Armando starts to bit his nail as he listen to Bertha start from the beginning.

She tells him word for word what Mariana said about Betty's dream man. She's obviously describing Armando, but to everyone else that's Nicolas, so the impression or idea that Armando now has of Nicolas is that he isn't some loser or nerd or some nobody but he is an important man who is the type of man woman lust over. They will have an intense relationship that will be strong and that the man is fundamental for her life.

This describes a man that is both important and that will be for sure in Betty's life.

Now Bertha goes on to describe the man Betty told them about. He is desired by woman,tall, handsome, strong, isn't rich but has money, has a big car, and his name is Nicolas Mora. However Betty clearifies that she has nothing going on with him, that she just likes him and she feels a strong attraction to him but that nothing has happened between them.

Then Mariana tells her that something will happen because it will change both of their lives.

Take into account that though Betty's life in a personal aspect hasn't changed much in the professional aspect it has. She's got a respectable job, a boss who values her work ethic and her enough to hand over his company which means she's could be rich. She's abandon some of her morals to collaborate with her scheming boss and is doing things that aren't morally correct.

Armando's life has changed not only professionally but personally. For one he's begun to let his guard down and given more of himself to a woman he isn't in a relationship or knowingly attracted to, his relationship with Marcela is only getting worse and Betty is usually the center of their biggest fights, he has now built a friendship with said woman built on trust and respect, something he has never done with any other woman and of course professionally he has sunken his and his family's company into debt.

I'd say Armando's life is changing a lot and that's not even the peak of it. Betty's life is also changing a lot and they haven't even started dating.

Armando is aware of how Betty's life is changing on a work related level so he obviously believes everything Bertha is telling him because he knows things she doesn't know.

Impatiently and annoyed Armando tells Bertha to explain what she means by "it's going to change their lives." which again since he "knows" things Bertha doesn't, therefore Tweedledum has sowed the seed of paranoia and Tweedledee has given it the perfect terrain for it to flourish so Armando is now listening to Mario's voice that Betty could turn against them though the important thing to note here is that Armando isn't mistrusting of Betty instead he is really mistrusting of Nicolas, because again, who could really fall in love with "ugly" betty. Except that's a joke on it's own because the idiot was already having feelings for her.

They are interrupted by Guti Guti and this is where I will end this post.

Truthfully until next time. ]