#but still i just think it's kinda hypocritical to still eat meat if you find literally everything about it gross?

[garbagechocolate]

Eclipse who has devoured child meat his whole life when the children do it to his dad in return: >:0

I just find it funny how Clips' dad is the non hypocritical guardian when it comes to this. Sun and Moon were disturbed by the thought of candy people getting eaten too

Okay I don't think you understand

Moon? He eats that shit RAW he does NOT CARE!

Sun and Eclipse? They cook the food. Cause yummy. They have standards.

And when the kids ate Meteor it wasn't just "oh haha funny loophole" and cutting him up nicely, it was fucking DEVOURING HIM like ZOMBIE MOVIE type of devouring like RIP OPEN HIS HEAD devouring

So yeah Eclipse was pretty guarded up against kids for a while

Still kinda is

[cryptic-underground]

Yay somebody else who hates The monk! Seriously though the way he treated Wukong was fucked up and didn’t feel super Buddhist. It’s like hitting a child whenever they disobey instead of actually teaching them what’s wrong. Sure they’ll probably stop doing that thing but they’ll do it out of fear not understanding ( plus trauma!)

Yes!! I hate him so much omg

I totally agree with you! Though also, apparently, based on the little I've looked up— so not an expert—alot of the Buddhist teachings are based around suffering. So it falls quite closely with it.

Screenshots of what I read:

(Feel free to take your own perusal)

So, with that in mind, it kinda puts the cruelty of Wukong in a different perspective on why it may have been done that way that it did. However, that being said, I still don't agree with the monk's actions.

Whether Wukong ended up becoming enlightened in the process or not is not the crux of the problem it, at least not where i see it being. It's how Xuanzang went about it. Wukong behavior was not right, but the monk's way of trying to guide him was the wrong way about it. Anytime Sun Wukong was too much to handle or disobeyed, the two solutions were either the sutra or to disown him. Never to explain why what he did was wrong or how he could've gone about it better. It was always: "You should've done it the right way the first time." And Xuanzang wasn't actually sort of hypocritical towards his own teachings as well, which is baffling to me! He always scolds Wukong for not listening to him or the rules he put in place(which are fleemzy at best and a constructual hazard at worse) WHEN HE LITERALLY NEVER LISTENS TO WUKONG'S WARNINGS EVER!!

Okay, so, besides being bald boy's personal errands boy and punching bag. Wukong is tasked with finding the monk food, water, place to sleep, and y'know just ensuring he doesn't kill over and DEAD. The rest of the discipline don't do much in the books from what I know besides be funny or cause problems (pigsy-). And even with all that, even with knowing that countless times before that demons want to literally eat him as though he's a five course meal for magic, the monk never listens to Wukong when he says something is dangerous MOST OF THE TIME! AT LEAST 90% OF THE TIME.

Granted, a lot of it is because of stupid jttw pigsy being a dumb slab of meat, and sure Wukong's not the base at defending his judgments in some cases. But c'mon, after the first couple times of wukong consistently being right and pigsy being a dumb as you'd think this pumpkin in a robe would get some thinking in his skull.

Also, what infuriates me even more is that this so-called monk put the circlet on him without asking if theirs a way to take it off. I get that they didn't want an escape plan for Wukong and that he was the main source keeping Xuanzang alive, but c'mon. It's more than a little dumb to just take one of the most painful items in existence, then use it on someone while not fully understanding said item.

One of the virtues of Buddhism is that violence isn't allowed in any form. But apparently, if it's not done by your own hands, it's free game. It's the same issue with saying batman does kill but then have him basically do things that basically murder lite mode.

I might've gone off the rails, sorry. To put it simply, monk man icky would tie him to railway tracks.

[moemoemammon]

(Two things, 1. This is my first time requesting so I'm sorry if this is not the thing to do it, and 2. Sorry if somethings is misspelled or grammatically incorrect, eng is not my first language:p)

May I request some of the bros, specially Mammon, Luci and Satan, with a MC who's similar to Lucifer in some aspects (like, some of their manners are the same as his and sometimes they're little bit too strict) and after a while they discover that its bc MC is also an older sibling. And (only if you want) meeting their younger sibling, please 🙏

Btw love your works ♡♡♡

Lucifer Number 2~

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

It doesn't occur to Lucifer how similar the two of you are, but the first thing he realizes is how pleasant conversations with you can be. You both share common interests, your tastes suit his own, and you seem to be the only competent person in this house.

You're the responsible type, and he likes it. He'll sometimes find you scolding his brothers for their behavior too, and as amusing of a sight as that may be, he doesn't want you to be burdened with their idiocy.

AND you're the eldest sibling in your household? Cheers to that. You too know the weight of being the responsible oldest, and the role one must take to ensure their siblings grow up well. You too know that you'd rather your siblings have things easier than you did.

But there's one thing he finds annoying... You can NEVER speak your feelings, and act as if it’d kill you to do so. He can respect secrecy when it's appropriate, but Lucifer would like to know what's on your mind. Not only that, but you can be HORRIBLY headstrong. There's nothing that can stray you away from what you've already decided.

"MC, I request that you take a few days off from school to do as you please. I've already spoken with Diavolo and your professors, and you've been given an excuse. I know you'll study anyway, so I've dropped off your assignments in your room. But... you should rest. It isn't good for you to be pushing yourself so hard. Hm? You're calling me a hypocrite?"

Mammon

As if one Lucifer wasn't enough. Now there's TWO of em?! Why's his luck gotta be so lousy!

Definitely the first to realize how much like Lucifer you are, and was SHOOK. Seriously, what gives?! What horrors exist in the human world that could've made you like THAT..?

Ever since you showed up, it's been impossible to get away with anything! He can't sneak out of the house because you're always there somehow, you tattle on him when you catch him leaving anyone's room, and you won't even let him copy your homework! What gives?!

Avoids you like the plague. You're no fun! There's only rare moments when you're kinda okay, and he likes those the best. The times when you're kinda sensitive and you'll drop the high and mighty act. But then you're back to being a pest!

"For the billionth time, I ain't got time to study! There's money to be made, and a guy like me ain't gonna waste a second lookin' at a dumb book when I could be- H-Huh?! You're gonna call Lucifer?! N-now, there's no need to be so hasty, right? Oi!! I'm sorry, damn it-!"

Levi

What's the deal with Lucifer number two? As comedic of a trope as that may be, Levi doesn't really care for having two nagging types in the house. Especially a human...

When you're in his room, all you do is nitpick about how he should tidy up and open a window! Don't you know that an otaku's room is his pride and joy?! It's a sacred space not to be trampled on by the opinions of a normie!!!

But still... he has to admit that even if you don't get all the stuff he's talking about, you at least try to understand it. And there are even some of his interests that you're genuinely invested in!

You might be a pain in the neck and harass him about annoying things, but he guesses he can deal with it if you'll actually sit through a TSL marathon with him...

"I-I'll lend you this manga, so make sure you read it! And when you're finished with that, I'll lend you the spin-off series by the author's brother! I know you'll like it, since you're interested in gritty stuff. Oh, and- Huh? My laundry? Y-yeah.... I'll do that.."

Satan

You are... surprisingly good company. Satan enjoys talking to you over afternoon tea, and the two of you share stories between one another.

But still, he can't shake the feeling that there's something... unpleasantly familiar about your personality. It isn't until you say something that sounds suspiciously similar to what Lucifer would say that he realizes who you remind him of. And oh, he hates it.

Tries playing pranks on you, but somehow they never go to plan. How that is is beyond him, but you never fall for anything! No matter how sweet his smile, you're always rightfully suspicious. You're annoyingly meticulous about checking your surroundings, and you're so aware of yourself that it's troublesome! Be more gullible!!

The king of petty has decided that its now his life goal to make you fall for at least one of his pranks. He doesn't care how elaborate he has to make it, or how unrewarding the payoff may be. He'll make you pay for seeing his brother in two places at once.

"MC, would you like to join me this afternoon for a book reading? Though, I'd love it if you could read this book in particular. I think you'll find it very-.... Hm? 'Isn't this the cursed book that makes you grow hair all over your body', you ask? Ahaha.... tch."

Asmo

Come now, there can't be TWO killjoys in the house! That's way too depressing!! It was funny at first to see that there's someone who can match the scary Lucifer's energy, but now it's becoming a nuisance!

You won't even go to the countless parties he's invited you to! Hell, you barely even give yourself room to mess around a little? Isn't it boring being so tightly wound? You're in luck, because the adorable Asmo-chan knows the PERFECT way to let loose~

You'll RARELY let him close to you, and that's usually when you're tired of him harassing you. Then he gets the honor of playing with your hair while you've got no energy to fight back! He'll style it wonderfully for you!

Also nags you to take better care of yourself. You're not a demon, so you have to care for your health! These late night study sessions are giving you bags under your eyes! And stop taking on so many extracurricular activities!

"Geez, MC! I didn't think you'd die from overworking, but that's the path you're headed on! You really are like Lucifer, you know? That being said, I'll do my best to make sure you relax! Shall we begin~?"

Beel

Beel may not be too bothered by Lucifer's strictness, but that doesn't mean he's immune to it. To think that even a human can be like that...

It's nice to see that you can take care of yourself, but aren't you working too hard? Your grades are good and you've got many interesting talents, but you also have to properly rest.

Has started bringing you snacks on the regular. And don't even think about skipping meals, because he won't allow it. He'll literally pick you up and bring you to the table if he has to. And if you're staying up late to study? He'll carry you to bed. Don't try to protest.

Beel is your babysitter now and there's nothing you can do about it. It's good to be responsible, but don't think about trying to take care of everyone else if you can't care for yourself. Now eat these twelve meat buns he bought for you.

"MC, let's eat lunch together. I know you were going to skip because I heard you talking to Solomon earlier, and I won't let you. Ah, don't worry about not having money, because I've already bought you some lunch. Let's eat in the courtyard."

Belphie

NO.... IT CAN'T BE... THIS HAS TO BE A NIGHTMARE....HE WANTS TO WAKE UP....

You're such a drag. You harass him to attend student council meetings, but him about his studies, and won't let him avoid a single obligation he has. What are you, his mother?

Has 100% joined forces with Satan to try to make you fall for many, many unsuccessful pranks. Are you curse proof or something? When he tried a '10 hour bed-head' spell on you, it just rebounded right to him! Then he found out that you'd borrowed a spell repelling amulet from Solomon and realized just how prepared you are...

When you aren't bothering his entire soul by trying to make him do things, you're actually nice to talk to. You're knowledgeable, you pay attention to the people around you, and you can always read a room. He likes to ask you for advice sometimes.

"Aren't you tired of being like that all the time? So... attentive, I mean. You should just take a nap some time. Or better yet, take the week off. Maybe I'll teach you how to properly relax? Then you might finally be able to take that stick out of your- ow... What're you hitting me for?"

[diavolosthots]

Hi! I jad this cute idea, what if the brothers' s/o had pet rats? Would the brothers interact with them and how? Would they be disgusted? I'm really curious about your take on this one ^^

Imma be honest, my first immediate thought to this was Barbatos and his fear of rats 😂😂😂

THE BROTHERS reacting to MC owning a pet rat

Lucifer: 

He’s ashamed to say that he did indeed lose himself for a moment. He did not scream or anything of the like, but he did jump a little and you will bring it up in conversation all the time, to which he gets frustrated and like a pouty twelfth year old, but that’s not the point. At first, his fear was that Beel left some kind of animal bone out that somehow, although unlikely, had a piece of meat left and somehow, someway, the House of Lamentation got infested by rats. However, upon further inspection, it turned out to be your pet rat, and although it is an unusual pet, he decided not to say anything because he does also own a three headed dog, after all, and that would just be hypocritical. 

Mammon:

Hahahahahahah. Okay so here’s the thing. Him? Not afraid. He doesn’t care. He calls you out and weird for it because why a rat? But he also sees great potential here, seeing as a lot of people are afraid of rats. Besides Barbatos, Leviathan really doesn’t like those critters either and Mammon is sure to use that to his advantage to bribe Levi out of money. Whether or not you condone does absolutely not matter, because he’ll just sneak in and steal the rat when he wants to or needs it. Mammon might be the reason you won’t have a pet rat for much longer. 

Leviathan:

He is NOT a fan, but he’s also not a wimp. A manly Otaku if you will. So yes he screamed when he first saw that thing and yes he was about to summon Lotan to take care of it but no he would hurt your pet, are you crazy??? He’s just uhm… what if he eats the food? What if he eats Lucifer’s very important papers? You should really have better eyes on that thing, MC ! 

Satan:

Oh the rat won’t survive for long. Cats kill mice, but Satan kills everything that crosses his path, especially if it’s in close proximity to one of his books and it could potentially nibble on the pages. What was that? It’s your pet rat, MC? A cold shiver runs down his spine as he realizes his mistake. Listen… he may or may not apologize but he will definitely get you a new one… with a cage because he can’t have any of his books damaged, love. 

Asmodeus:

Screams. Jumps on the nearest high surface. Begs literally anyone to kill that thing. When you show up, he begs you to step away as he tries to collect himself enough to play hero, but he will only scream again when you pick him up. “MC! That thing has diseases!” Don’t hold it up to him either because he might actually cry and or die of a heart attack. He can NOT handle that for the life of him, and he won’t. Please, MC, find a new pet.

Beelzebub:

Lolololol, you’re cute if you think that he won’t try to catch and eat your pet. You’d be lucky if you find him before Beel swallows, and the giant will look quite sad if you stop him, “beel…. Spit him out. Now.” He pouts but slowly lets him back out, releasing a wet rat back into your hands as he apologizes. He just looked so delicious, MC! And normally people don’t keep them as pets so.. He thought he was free, game you know? 

Belphegor:

This is kinda cute because he befriended your pet rat and everytime you can’t find him, you know he’s with Belphegor, all snuggled up. You still haven’t figured out how he gets your rat to be so still and the first few times you were genuinely scared that he was dead, but he somehow always woke up when Belphie woke up so you assumed he just put some kind of spell on him. “It’s your rat and when you’re not there to cuddle, it’s the next best thing.” You felt your heart swell at his confession, watching him put the rat in his hoodie to chill. 

[lo-55]

Shattered Chains of Fate Ch. 4

Loss.jpeg

Night has fallen on Chaldeas. Though the globe still casts its red glow across the room, the doom of humanity, it’s too late and Ichigo has been awake for too long for the grief to wash across him like so many waves right now.

He’s summoned another servant today, with the help of technology and Saint Quartz and Cu Chulainn, of course. It was maybe  his fault that he now had two celtic servants. One a caster with vicious loyalty but a habit of hitting on girls, and another that avoided women like the plague and followed Ichigo like the most desperate of puppies.

So now he has four servants to keep up with, and so he’s  tired .

They go off to the next singularity soon. Somewhere in England, in the late nineteenth century. He should really be resting. Getting ready for the next fight. Letting Olga Marie try an fail to teach him even the simple but powerful magecraft that she and Cu specialize in.

Instead, Ichigo finds himself standing in the doorway to the Chaldeas observation room, looking not at the ominous depiction of their future, but the man standing in front of it.

Romani Archiman. Dr. Roman. His shoulders are tense and drawn and his hair is out of its usual pony tail. He looks as tired out as Ichigo feels. When no one’s watching, right now, his green eyes are dull and his humor has faded. When had he last slept? When had any of them?

Mash kept reminding him how important it was to get proper sleep, and maybe it was easier for demi-servants than it is for humans. He doesn’t know. He never thought to ask.

Ichigo comes to a stop beside him.

It is a testament to his exhaustion that Roman doesn’t even notice Ichigo enough to react until he’s been standing there for nearly a full minute. When he does he jumps, startling and in the space between breaths Roman’s demeanor shifts. His eyes crinkle with a smile and he turns to Ichigo, a dozen times more cheerful than he’d been mere seconds before. It’s a startling contrast. From one face to another in less time than it took Ichigo to even realize he’d seen him looking so serious.

Roman was not a serious man. He had a tendency to jump around and get overly excited over seemingly nothing at all. Like cake, and slacking off and a blog he’s obsessed with that is, somehow, still posting online even though the world outside is nothing more than ash and fading memory. Ichigo personally suspects that it’s a prank put together by Da Vinci.

That artist is something of nuisance.

“Ichigo!” Roman’s smile is hard to spot as a fake, when Ichigo doesn’t know to look for it. Now that it is, it’s still hard but he can see the slant to his eyes, the tiny purse of his mouth. Ichigo is no genius, but he likes to think Roman is his friend. And so he does his best to learn to read him.

“Did you need something?” Roman asks, peering curiously at him. Something under Ichigo’s skin hums and crawls. The hiding sets his teeth on edge. Maybe it's because Ichigo himself is such a straight forward person, but he doesn’t much chair for people who hide like this.

And maybe it’s hypocritical, but at the moment he, frankly, doesn’t give a shit.

“You need to sleep,” Ichigo says, his jaw set in a stubborn line.

“Oh! Ah, I just have a little more work to do here before I can do that. See, Sonya wasn’t feeling well earlier and-”

“Roman,” Ichigo grabs his elbow and watches the man jump, like he’s been shocked. He acts like no one’s ever laid a hand on him before in his life.  “Go to sleep. We’re not going to a singularity tomorrow. You can afford rest.”

Still, Roman’s smile turns, tilts, like he’s confused, and this close Ichigo realizes that he’s thrumming with anxiety.

  No wonder he can’t sleep.  

Ichigo is not a genius. And he’s not the best at offering comfort, especially not at times like this. This is a time when they have to step up, when there is no other choice for them than to stand together, and he can’t say he’s entirely sympathetic with the doctor.

But he pulls him, by the elbow, not giving him time to argue as he manhandles him towards the hallway that leads to the dorm rooms. Most of them are empty now, their occupants frozen in cryogenic coffins. Anyone who isn't working is frozen, in fact. All of the staff that had died during the initial explosion had been dragged out, sometimes in pieces, and laid in the snow and ice outside the facility. It would preserve them for the time being. And with Ichigo around, so too were the ghosts.

It had started with Marie, but by now most of the dead staff have started to drink in his reitsu, to supplement themselves. If they take enough, they can even interact with the world around them, though it leaves Ichigo exhausted if too many do it at once. It’s like vampires, but they're eating his soul instead of drinking his blood. And in any case, it keeps the chains in the chest from eating their way up.

Marie had explained, very vaguely because her family specialized in astronomy not ghosts, that if those chains vanished entirely they would have less ghosts and more ghouls. Which was bad.

They pass twelve of them on the way to their destination.

“Ichigo, please,” Roman tries to tug his arm out of Ichigo’s hand, but out of the two of them it’s no contest who the stronger one is. “I have work-”

“You’re no good if you work yourself to death!” Ichigo snaps. He closes the door behind them with a tap to the pad on the wall and tosses Roman bodily onto the bed.

Roman scrambles to sit, blinking at their surroundings in confusion.

It’s almost the same as the last time they’d been there, during their first meeting ever. The only difference is that there’s a pair of jeans in the corner and a picture of his sisters and his mom on the desk under the window now.

“This is…”

“My room,” Ichigo finishes for him. He runs his fingers through his hair, his customary scowl in place. This was probably stupid but-

“You said you come here to relax, right? To goof off and slack on your duties. Well, relax. Marie’s still around so it’s not like you’re the acting director anymore.”

Roman gapes at him like a fish.

“But- But-”

“Shut up,” Ichigo orders tersely. He’s already second guessing his initial reaction but he wasn’t gonna leave Roman there to stare at their doom and he doesn’t have the damn poetry of words to convince him that they’ll rise above their challenges. “And go to sleep. Chaldea will be here in the morning, and so will the past.”

Roman slowly gathered his limbs together underneath him. He looks at Ichigo, confusion written across his face and it’s all Ichigo can do not to snap at him. Roman is a doctor and grown ass man. He should know better than to neglect himself.

To be fair, Goat Face is also and doctor and grown ass man, and Ichigo doesn’t trust him to so much as feed himself.

“O-kay,” Roman says at last, drawing the words out and his face finally softens, with fondness and truth. Some of the lie slips away. “Okay. But what about you, Ichigo? You need to sleep too. You’re supporting multiple servants and multiple ghosts, now.”

Ichigo hadn’t even thought about that.

He shrugs, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “I dunno. I can just sleep in a chair or something.”

“No!” Roman shakes his head. “No, that’s not acceptable. As your doctor I have to advise against it.”

“ ‘as your doctor’? What the hell kinda crap are you going on about?” Ichigo scowls deeper.

“You need to sleep, in a real bed. Honestly. We can just share.”

“Excuse me?”

“Like a sleep over in a movie!”  

“... You were homeschooled, weren’t you?”

“Eh?!”

“Fine, whatever,” Ichigo was too tired to deal with this. In the morning he’ll kick himself, and maybe Roman, but for now all he can think of is turning the lights off and getting some sleep, at last.

And if it’s easier to sleep when the living are next to him and not when he’s haunted only by figurative ghosts instead of literal ones, no one will even be the wiser.

*

It’s not so much a house as it is a room where he can simply exist.

It’s small, single story and a basement that still smells faintly like lightning and copper and a strange magecraft. One that he can’t quite place, one that he’s never encountered before.

Ichigo doesn’t ask about the old owners and Waver Velvet, who gets pissed every time Ichigo doesn’t call him something stupid like Lord Elmeloi the fifth or whatever, hadn’t volunteered any information.

Ichigo spends a few minutes looking around. There’s a fold out couch in the living room and the kitchen is stocked with none perishables and frozen meats. The bedroom has runes carved above the door and the window, offering Ichigo a modicum of protection from what might be out there. There’s a bed big enough for his whole family and then some, and the closet has a few changes of clothes. Three suits, of all things, and a familiar mystic code.

White and black, it’s a body suit he’d been given early on. His Chaldea combat uniform.

The material feels like silk but Ichigo knows better than to think it is. It’s tough enough to hold up to arrows and fire and more than he wants to think of. He’d only taken blunt force trauma when he’d worn it. There were three spells woven into the fabric, and Ichigo wonders what it will be like to wear it again before he dismisses the idea.

Ichigo wonders just what Waver had thought Ichigo was going to be doing here, that he needed this.

He goes to the basement.

It’s bigger than he would have expected, and there are weapons lined on the walls. Spears, swords, and bows, and a range setup with dummies stuffed with straw.

There are no windows, to hide him from curious eyes. Any non-mags who finds out about magic is sentenced to death, and that is part of why Ichigo hasn’t told his family about his escapades. His wars.

Kon walks past him at the foot of the stairs. Along another wall is a shelf built into the stone foundations, filled with texts and materials that Ichigo can recognize instantly.

He’d never been good at spell work on his own, but he can use the magic equivalent of chemistry just fine. And, on top of that, after Babylonia a certain goddess had magnanimously taken time out of her ever so busy schedule to teach him the graceful art of gem magic.

Or rather, a stuck up deity who Ichigo had bribed to be his friend had taught him how to shove magic energy into rocks he could throw at people to blow them the fuck up.

Combined with the runes that Cu had spent years drilling into his head, Ichigo could survive a regular mage battle fine on his own, if he had time to prepare. And war has made him paranoid, so he starts taking stock of everything that he’d been given.

Evil bones, dragon scales, eternal gears, crystals of several types and a mystic gunpowder. A few feathers, and a jar of scarabs. Chalk, too, and strong thread that’s more like fishing line.

There’s also, definitely for the best, a fire extinguisher in the corner.

“What kinda place is this, Ichigo?” Kon finally asks. He pokes at a jar of red liquid on top of the thick desk that Ichigo has been given. It’s all and all not very personalized, but for Ichigo’s purposes it’s more than enough. Especially given that Ichigo’s purpose was to sit somewhere where his dad wasn’t. Where he didn’t have to think about the spirits or the hollows or the shinigami, however briefly that might be.

“It’s just a house, Kon. A… friend of mine owns it. Think of it as our secret hide out,” Ichigo waves his hand around, idly.

“A secret hide out huh… I get it!” Kon bounced towards him, his soft paws scuffing lightly on the concrete floor. “This is a place to bring girls!”

Ichigo snorts and punts the plushie towards the stairs. “What girl is gonna hand around a creapy basement with you, huh? What are you a serial killer?”

“More like a lady killer! Or I could be, if I just had a body to call my own. Hey, you said I could borrow yours, remember!”

“I didn’t forget. Sorry, we’ve been busy,” Ichigo steps over him and climbs back up to the totally normal looking house above, with Kon on his heels. He lets out a soft breath. It feels too warm above ground, but Ichigo opens the windows and lets the sunlight pour inside upon his skin, lets the wind pull at his hair and dance through the drapes. “I’ll let you have it tonight, okay?”

“But nothing in this town ever happens at night!” Kon whines. When Ichigo sits on the couch he climbs up to flop across his lap, pouting.

“Just try to stretch your legs, and you can have some time on the weekend, deal?”

Kon considers him suspiciously before he nods, once.

“Deal.”

They sit together in the sunlight, in the foreign house, with the spring air cooling them until his phone goes off. Rukia, of course, because work doesn’t give him much of a break.

It’s alright. Sometimes a few minutes to breath is enough.

* *

Rukia Kuchiki is  not the first Shinigami that Ichigo has ever encountered.

There was another, a man who had taken to following their group around North America.

They met in 1783. He was… strange. And admittedly, it was a strange situation that they had found each other in. He’s pretty sure Shinigami don’t normally hang around Alcatraz, but what does he know? The island is infested with all sorts of monsters and guarded by one of the oldest heroes of written legend.

Beowulf. Powerful and vicious, battle hungry but not necessarily cruel. He’d even let them pass into the fortress after just a ‘test’ fight against a dragon.

They, or rather Ichigo, find the Shinigami with Sita, sitting next to her in the deepest prison of Alcatraz. Florence Nightingale is somewhere above them, charging headlong after him with Rama strapped to her back. He’s in bad shape, his curse slowly consuming his body, and Sita is their only chance to save him. Even without Beowulf the prison is crawling with dangerous creatures of all types.

Ichigo finds Sita first.

But she is not unguarded and Ichigo curses himself for leaving his servants upstairs to handle the chaos there.

Ichigo is more than capable of handling celtic soldiers, who fall beneath his vicious attacks and his steadily strengthening magic. The more he uses it the stronger it gets, and his body is adapting quickly to the strain it puts upon him. It’s only been a year or so and he can already go toe to toe with most average mages. A simple soldier with a spear is well within his abilities.

This man, Ichigo can tell with a second of inspection, is not.

He doesn’t have the same energy as a servant. And he’s dressed in clothes that aren’t celtic or american. He’s dressed like he’s from japan.

A black kosado and hakama. All black, with curly brown hair that’s nearly past his shoulders and brown eyes that almost fool Ichigo into thinking that he’s harmless.

But people are more themselves when they aren’t being watched, and this man, older than Ichigo and, he realizes, most certainly dead, has no idea he’s been seen.

He looks at Sita like she’s some kind of puzzle, like some game that he doesn’t know all the rules to. Ichigo stays a moment, and watches him watch her until Sita realizes that she has a visitor.

“Oh!”

She leans forwards on the bed, and right through the stranger, who half turns to look at Ichigo over his shoulder. He’s not interested in him though, not really. He can see it.

Roman is hiding something.

Something important, and he doesn’t know what but he does know now how to recognize when someone is hiding something. Even if it wasn’t for Roman, it’s not only heroes he’s summoned. There is an assassin class, and his heroes have their flaws. Their secrets. Each singularity is it’s own mystery and they are full of liars and tricksters and more than ever before Ichigo has a bone deep appreciation for people who are plain and true.

Ichigo crosses his arms over his chest and stares right at the ghost.

“You’re Sita, right? Rama’s wife?”

“My Lord Rama? Is he here?” she rushes to her feet, all red hair and fire the flutters like an ember on the wind. Not like Rama, who burns anything in his path if he must.

Ichigo nods, once. He lets the stranger inspect him too. There’s the smallest amount of stubble around his chin, like he hasn’t shaved in a while. And he’s armed. Saber class.

“Yes. But he’s injured. We need your help to heal him.”

Ichigo finally breaks eye contact with the ghost. He steps backwards and points his fist at the lock on the door. Sita hurries to brace herself and he shoots it off with a vicious Gandr. When he uses them on living things, he’s lucky to stun them. On inanimate objects, they blow up. He doesn’t get it, but that’s his life. Becuase fuck him, obviously.

“Yes!” Sita agrees eagerly. Her smile is equal parts soft and fierce. “If I can be of use to him, then I’ll do whatever I can.”

“Okay,” Ichigo stands away from the prison door. “Stand back,” he orders, and she steps back into the cell, against the door. The ghosts watches him raise his hand, holding up his fist at the door. The mystic code hums across his skin and he feeds his own mana into it. There’s a flash of pale blue and red and the lock explodes in shards of steel, just as they’re joined by others.

Rama comes stumbling around the corner, his fine clothes stained with blood and his body frayed at the edges. He looks bad. The hold in his chest is starting to gape and glow gold at the edges.

Ichigo hears the ghost suck in a sharp breath and he takes a step towards Rama before Ichigo cuts him off, blocking him from his friends. Sita rushes to him.

“Sita!” Rama reaches out around him and Ichigo can’t understand how he’s even on his feet. How deep does his love for his wife run? “Damn it, my vision is blurry. I can’t see anything…”

“I’m here!” Sita falls to his side as Rama collapses, finally succumbing to his festering wound. Ichigo watches, his hands clenched at his sides as Mash explains about Cu Chulainn Alter, and his Gae Bolg.

Ichigo stands back, with his Cu at his side. The caster leans on his staff, watching Sita gently stroke her husbands hair. They will never meet, and it drives pain into Ichigo’s chest on their behalf.

“Well. Fuck.” Cu says bluntly.

Ichigo snorted. “Yeah. That sums it all up pretty well.”

The ghost tries to take another step, but Ichigo catches his hand.

He spins, his brown eyes wide. “You- You can see me.”

“Well yeah. No shit,” Ichigo says aloud. Caster peers at him curiously, but Ichigo just taps the corner of his eye. A ghost, and Cu nods and leans back again. Even amongst his heroic spirits he’s an oddity. Not all of them can see ghosts. Only the ones that attack them, and more than once has Ichigo had to forcibly guide them into striking true.

Cu is a bit better. He hasn’t told him explicitly but Ichigo suspects that Scathach is somehow related to the afterlife. The land of shadows sounds like it should be full of ghosts.

Ichigo let’s go when the ghost pulls at his hand, peering at Ichigo. It’s funny, watching someone pull a metaphorical mask onto their face. This one is a kind person, someone who’s harmless, but Ichigo can still see them. He is armed and his eyes betray him, as eyes so often do.

Sharp and intelligent. Like a cat watching him.

“I suppose you do have some reitsu. But to be able to see me, is still not an easy feat.”

Ichigo frowns. “I do? It feels like all of it’s being sucked out by everyone at Chaldea…”

“Excuse me?” he blinks at Ichigo a couple of times.

“Nevermind. There’s just some people who are sucking up my reitsu so they don’t disappear, you know?”

And now even the ghost was looking at him like he’s crazy. Great. Awesome.

The glittering glow of Sita’s body dissolving interrupts them, and Ichigo turns to face his servants with a hard clench of his jaw. Rama slowly sits up, sorrow over taking his features. Even in a holy grail war, he will never meet his wife again.

“We should go,” Ichigo says quietly. “We still have to go east. We have to finish what we started. Rama, are you ready?” Ichigo goes to him, and offers him his hand. Rama takes it and stands.

“Yes. My body does not falter. I renew my vows now, Master of Chaldea. I, Rama, King of Kosala, will fight at your side. I shall not be defeated again. This I swear!” He bows his head to Ichigo, this proud, powerful king.

“Yes,” Liz steps up, a noble countess with her chin lifted and her eyes defiant. “We will win, for you our master!”

“We will rip out the root of the infection,” Nightingale agrees, smacking her hands together. Her red eyes burn with a ferocity that would make lesser men tremble.

Mash nods, shortly and firmly. “I will put my faith in Master, and follow his lead.”

“You already know that I will strike down your enemies,” Medusa adds, her long hair swaying with the promise of poisons.

“Lead the way, Master,” Cu claps his shoulder and Ichigo looks each of the mover in turn. Finally, he speaks.

“I swear I told you to use my damn name. You’re all so dramatic.”

Cu laughs at him, and Ichigo starts the long walk. From Alcatraz to Washington.

Only now they have a tag along. The ghost insists on following them along, because apparently Ichigo and the singularity is dangerous enough to warrant his attention. Which is  great .

“What do I call you then,” Ichigo asks, side-eying his newest companion.

He tilts his head, sending brown waves spilling across his shoulders.

“Mmmm. Kyo,” he says after a minute.

“...That is  not a real name.”

* * *

“So, your friend, the Lord, how do you know him?”

Ichigo looks up at Rukia. She’s standing over his bed that night. Chad is asleep in the corner, passed out after a study session run long.

“Who, Waver? We met a while ago.”

Ichigo scoots back on the bed, until his back is to the wall and he can sit, criss cross, looking at her. Waver had come to town earlier, on business as much as to see Ichigo. They’d talked, briefly, in front of the school earlier until Ichigo had had to rush off. Not before Waver had extracted a promise to meet up with him a few days in the future. Apparently there was some weird shit going on in town that had nothing to do with Ichigo and his friends, but was now his problem because he was a mage.

A two bit one, but still.

“How?” Rukia asks, narrowing her eyes at him if only slightly.

Ichigo considers telling her everything, but it’s a bit too much to believe.

‘I time travelled for three years trying to stop the incineration of humanity and I met him as a demi servant and his old servant because he fought for a holy grail and oh yeah did I mention i punched god?’

Yeah, no. Even shinigami didn’t go time travelling. He’d checked. It didn’t help that most shinigami were so out of touch with the living world that even three hundred years ago they didn’t know much about human magics or the goings on. Before the fall of the age of gods humans and spirits had been closer, had almost lived together. Ereshkigal had told him some of how it worked, four thousand years ago, but he’s certain things have changed. For one, she is clearly not in charge of the afterlife anymore. Which begs the question of just where she had gone.

To the reverse side of the world? Or somewhere else entirely?

“After Chaldea,” he says instead, picking over his words with as much care as he can, “After the explosion of Chaldea, their patrons, the Clock Tower in London, sent someone to see what was happening. And to take stock in the situation. Waver was the one that they sent.

“Apparently he gets the ‘problem children’ a lot.” And that was what they were, really. He and Mash, they were just teenagers. Even now. Eighteen….

Eighteen is not enough years for what he’s seen, what he’s done. For the choices he’s had to make.

“No wonder they sent him for you,” Rukia snorts at him, but there’s a smile at the corner of her mouth and Ichigo fights not to return it. Instead he scowls, as he usually does.

“Yeah, yeah,” he waves his hand dismissively at her. “I’m going to get a drink. Do you wanna come with?”

“No,” she shakes her head and he stands and leaves her in his bedroom. His dad is in the clinic. He’s been avoiding Ichigo for weeks, ever since that day in the cemetery and Ichigo is fine with that. He’s still angry.

Yuzu and Karin are up in their own room, and the lower half of the house is quiet. Ichigo pours himself some water and takes a few minutes to calm himself. Waver has him on edge, and more than that…

Something is coming. He doesn’t know what, yet, but his instincts are hissing in the back of his mind, louder and louder ever since he took Rukia’s power as his own. Something is something. Something dangerous. Something deadly. Some change he has no idea how to see or stop.

His cup is covered in a thin layer of frost.

Ichigo stares down at it.

The cold spreads across the surface, white eating over the glass. Elegant swirls of frozen leaves spread out from his finger tips.

He pours out the water and puts the cup away, trying not to think about it.

Because even with Ichigo, even with magic and ghosts and all the other shit in his life, he’s never frozen anything. He isn’t fucking Jack Frost.

He goes back upstairs, trying not to think about it, and helps Rukia rouse Chad to send him on his way home. There’s work to be done. A smarter man would ask about the ice. Would mention it to Rukia. Would wonder if the two aren’t connected.

And Ichigo is not stupid, but he’s maybe a little too used to strange things happening and learning the why at a later date.

* * * *

The acrid smell of burning flesh sears into his mind. Into his soul. Choking him, smoke curled into his lung like an ash made cat that tears claws into the soft tissue.

It’s red. Red, red, red everywhere. Fire singes along the edges of reality. The earth hovers, red and burning and doomed from the start. Doomed from babylonia, doomed from the present and the now.

Mash lays in front of him. Crushed, broken. No shield, no armor, just a dead little girl, reaching for his hand.

Yuzu and Karin are sprawled apart from eachother and they never should be, never should be, because they are twins, they were born together nothing should ever tear them apart-

Isshin. Isshin and his mother, they lie beside a river that runs with fire instead of water. Bloody, broken, staring at Ichigo.

The air shifts and the glittering shine of gold spins around him with a scream. His servants, his friends, cut down and torn apart and left only as glitter that roars their betrayal at him. At his failure. He is the master, the center of power, but he cannot fight on his own. He is powerless in the face of the hulking monster that drags itself out of the rubble to kill him.

He takes a step back, fear clogging his throat. Lahmu crawl across the broken rubble of Fuyuli, of Uruk, of Rome and London and Camelot. His foot hits something. He doesn’t look down, he doesn’t need to. Orange and green and white. White and gold and black. Romani, laid to waste.

He is helpless. Powerless. His command spells are gone and he has failed. Lost.

Fire roars at his throat and-

He’s punched in the face by the smell of perfume.

Ichigo looks up at the sky. Pale blue, a few whisps of cloud floating across it.

He drinks in air. Air that tastes like flowers instead of ashes and death.

Something soft touches his shoulder and it’s only familiarity that keeps him from lashing out.

Lavender eyes peer down at him. It’s his hand on his shoulder. His Caster.

His Merlin.

“Wha- I’m in a dream?” Ichigo sits, slowly, and Merlin helps him up. A warm hand on his shoulder and guilt in his eyes.

“Yes. I’m sorry,” Merlin shakes his head, mournfully. “I normally call you here before they can set in, but I was distracted this time…”

“Distracted,” Ichigo repeats dumbly. “Wait. So every time you’ve brought me here, it’s because I was going to have a nightmare?”

“I did tell you, once. Incubi are made of dreams. And I, as half of one, gain my sustenance out of them as well. Bad dreams are sour, so I don’t want yours to-”

“Cut the crap,” Ichigo elbows him lightly in the side. “Just tell me the truth. We’re friends and you don’t want to see me suffering.”

Merlin can only stare at him for a second. “... I always forget how brazen you are, Ichigo. You never have minced your words. You really consider me a friend, do you?”

“Of course I do! And don’t try to give me any shit about we can’t be friends because I’m human. I’m not anymore, remember. I’m a shinigami.”

“Yes, yes. And isn’t that ironic? I, unable to die, and you a creature made of death.”

“You make a bad philosopher. Stick to being a dreamer, Merlin.”

Merlin merely laughs at him, a softness in the wind, and Ichigo sits with him until the sun comes up outside his bedroom window.

* * * * *

What was with people and coming in through his window?

Ichigo stares at the man, Urahara, that is sitting on his window sill. Kon is having a minor panic attack in his arms, flailing around. Rukia has left. Vanished with only a note to tell them not to look for her and if she thinks Ichigo will listen to it, she doesn’t know him very well at all. Ichigo has never been one to abandon his friends, even if they don’t explain what’s happening or why they’re in trouble.

Ichigo will go after her, but first he needs to figure out how to turn into a shinigami again. Kon is no help, he’s too busy running around for Ichigo to dig his pill form out of his plush body. And this man…

His timing is too good. Is he some kind of clairvoyant, like Gilgamesh? Or just a man with far too many cards in his hand to play?

Whatever the case, Ichigo is strangely glad that he’s here. Without Rukia’s glove and with Kon losing his mind, Ichigo needs help to get out of his body.

“So you’ll pop me out of my body,” Ichigo says, eying his cane, “Just because Rukia is a regular customer. Is your shop really that slow?” He definitely has too much time on his hands.

“That’s right!” the man practically sings and Ichigo could swear for an instant his eyes were lavender instead of grey. He’s like a strange mix of Merlin and Da Vinci.

And isn’t  that a scary thought?

“...Yeah, okay. I’d appreciate the help.”

Kisuke pushes his cane through Ichigo’s chest and he pops out the other side like a weasel.

Ichigo carefully lays his body in bed and covers it up. It’s almost two in the morning and normal humans are asleep, including his family. He picks a few small rocks out of his school bag, simple stones with straight lines carved onto them. He eyes Kisuke, still sitting in the window.

“When I get back from this, I’ve got a couple of questions for you,” he says, marching up to Kisuke, who flicks his fan out over his mouth. Only his eyes are visible and those are still hidden in shadow.

“Oh? I can’t imagine what you’d ask a simple shop keeper like me…”

“Plenty,” Ichigo says plainly. He plants his hand next to Kisuke’s head and leans over him. “But for now. Get out of my room.”

He pushes him straight out the window, and onto the lawn beneath. Ichigo figures that he’s probably tough enough to take a little tumble. He trusts Kisuke to be fine before he jumps out the window after him. He needs to get to Rukia. He can feel it. Something is happening.

His instincts hiss that he needs to  move .

He follows the feeling of coolness and wind and snowflakes that he can almost see. It’s joined by another feeling, something clean and pale and just a little bit angry, thin threads that wrap together to be stronger.. Uryuu.

He needs to hurry.

Ichigo sprints across the city, pouring on his speed. Faster and faster until he swears he’s running on the wind.

He turns the corner.

Uryu on the ground, Rukia not far. Two Shinigami. Red hair and black. The red head with his sword lifted above Uryu’s head, ready to strike.

Ichigo swings his sword off his back and the streets cracks and erupts beneath the sudden force of his power. It throws the shinigami, Renji Abarai, off of his feet.

“Huh? Who are you? Who’s orders are you here on?” he barks.

Ichigo ignores him. He touches Uryu’s shoulder, making sure he’s still in one piece, and pours Mana into his human body. It should be enough to jump start his own healing process. Mana transference is about all Ichigo is good for anyhow.

“What did you…?” Uryu looks up at him, bewildered.

“Later,” Ichigo says. He blocks the blow that comes from behind, bracing himself against the ground.

“I get it,” Renji pushes down hard, his eyes wild. He feels like fire and venom and bone. “You’re the one that stole Rukia’s powers! Because of you, she’s going to be executed!”

Ichigo’s blood runs cold. Rukia. Executed? For helping him? For giving him the power to protect his friends, his family?

No. He will not allow it.

“That’s bullshit!” Ichigo throws him back, power surging through him. His own anger and the energy that Rukia has given him. Cold coursing through his veins. “Rukia was just helping, she saved us! Isn’t that what your job is?!”

“She broke the rules is what she did. What’s a few human lives to a shinigami? She should have never done that.”

A few human-

Ichigo throws himself at Renji with vicious abandon. Renji is fast but Ichigo is strong, Rukia is strong, and it’s her power that lets him swing his sword with utmost surety.

Still, it’s hard to keep up when Renji won’t shut up. Something about menos and children and then he asks Ichigo’s swords name.

He frowns and racks his brain. That feels like something he should know. On the tip of his tongue. His sword. Rukia’s sword. Does it have a name?

Renji takes his silence for ignorance and he’s not wrong.

He puts his sword in front of him and it glows faintly red. The taste of fire and bone is stronger.

“A shinigami’s zanpakuto is the true form of their soul, it’s their true power. And this is mine! Now Roar, Zabimaru!”

Ichigo watches the sword change, grow fangs and cracks. A Noble Fantasm? No, it’s much weaker. He looks at Renji, looks harder at his power. He’s strong, probably stronger than Ichigo but is he stronger than Ichigo and Rukia together? This will have to be a battle where he can’t rely on brute strength.

The sword swings and the cracks pull apart until it’s a glorified whip with teeth and Ichigo jumps back to dodge it. The stones weigh heavy in his pocket and his mind whirls. No longer a saber, no longer capable of simply attacking and slashing until he’s won.

“Give up already! You’re 2000 years too young to beat me!”

And maybe Renji would be right. Maybe he would be too much for Ichigo to handle, in another life. Maybe if he really was just a fifteen year old kid, shihakusho more green than black, he would leave him laying in a puddle of blood without breaking a sweat.

But Ichigo is not fifteen. He is eighteen and he has fought eight wars. He has ended extinction and walked the land of the dead, and demons, and stood amongst stars. He has fought and bled and killed and died, and he has done it all for his family, his friends.

And now.

Now these two are trying to take another friend. They are trying to steal Rukia, to punish her for saving him and giving him strength enough to fight.

And he will not allow it.

His temper howls, blood rushing into his ears and battle fury washes over his skin.

Beneath it, beneath that hot fire that has driven him for so much of his life there’s something else. Something cold and foreign, frost on a window pane in summertime, snow floating around a campfire.

He lunges for Renji.

Renji is forced to release his noble phantasm, his zanpakuto. It lashes out, a segmented whip that bites the pavement with terrible teeth. Ichigo takes it in stride, catches it’s glinting teeth in his own too-long blade and twirls it like spaghetti around a knife. The teeth catch and hold, Renji’s eyes go wide and Ichigo yanks him forward with his zanpakuto.

He takes one hand off his own sword and drives it into Renji’s jaw. His teeth click and blood spurts between his lips before he drops like a lead balloon.

With Renji at his feet Ichigo turns to face Rukia and the man in the white cloak. He tilts his long blade, letting Renji’s zanpakuto slide off. On the ground it glows faintly red and returns to its original form.

“Are you next then?” Ichigo asks, his voice careful and calm even as the wrold inside him rages. Plans pick up and he reads this mans strengths. He’s leagues ahead of Ichigo but even still…

Ichigo is not the type to run. He is not the type to give up. No matter that Rukia is screaming at him to. He won’t-

He twists and blocks the blow he had barely ever seen, his sword moving faster than his mind.

Surprise registers on the man’s face, muted and little more than a twist of his mouth and a twitch of his eyes. Ichigo shoves him away, but he wasn’t fast enough.

Blood seeps out of his back. The cut it shallow, it won’t slow him down but the fact remains. He got hit.

Faster, whispers a voice in the back of his head. A memory, a premonition. He blocks the next attack but only just and under the force of the drawn sword, his own begins to crack. No. No, he will not lose, not like this.

He shoves the man back and flings one of the stones at him, shooting a burst of Mana through it. The man in white has to move fast to avoid the fire that erupts in front of him.

“Ichigo?” Rukia stares at him, her mouth open. “What was that?!”

“I’m not that great at magic,” Ichigo admits, tossing another stone up and down in his hand. He never takes his eyes off of his enemy. “In fact, I wouldn’t even call myself a real mage. I’m pretty second rate at this stuff. But this much… This much I can do.”

He shoots another stone at the shinigami in front of him, who’s name he never did get, and grins when he’s forced to release his own zanpakuto. He’s glad about it, but Rukia is screaming at him.

The air fills with glittering flower petals and Ichigo tastes steel, feels the weight of ‘Duty’ and ‘Honor’ and the scent of sakura blossoms wash across his skin.

They surge at him, a tidal wave of power, danger. Each one is a blade and Ichigo cannot dodge of block them all. Even still, he will not run. He will-

  Protect Rukia!  

Fine.

Cold chases through his body, Rukia’s power surges. Ichigo gives his strength over to it, pours his reitsu into the sword as he once did his saber’s and the sound of bells echoes around him.

A ribbon flutters graceful in front of his face and he swings, running on instinct alone.

The wave of flower petals is stopped in its tracks. Frozen in a circle of ice that reaches towards the sky.

Ichigo is aware, from the shock on the faces of the people around him, that he’s just done something impossible. Again.

Oh well.

He turns again to the Shinigami, bringing his blade in front of him. Not his, Rukia’s. He was going to save her-

“Rikujōkōrō.”

Ichigo shouted when light, six straight rectangles of it, slammed into his stomach. He froze, unable to move. The ice shattered and the blades inside of it floated back to their master, reforming into a single sword. This time, Ichigo couldn’t block. He could do nothing as the blade pierced him twice, and the light faded.

He tried. He did. He would crawl if he had to but-

“Stay alive, for just a little longer, Ichigo. And if you follow me, I will never forgive you.”

He can recognize what she’s doing. She’s drawing the man, Byakuya, and the newly awakened Renji away from him. She is protecting him, and the helplessness is acid on his tongue.

He was left, bleeding, dying, on the streets of Karakura.

* * * * * *

[snowdice]

Food You’ll Never Eat (Part 3 of the Series “Is There Anything Left of Patton?”

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Virgil & Patton (?) Virgil & Logan, Logan/Patton(?)

Characters: Virgil, Patton(?), Logan

Summary:  And was this cruel, Virgil had to wonder, to the man that Patton used to be? To the men they both used to be? To drag what was left of Patton back into the world of the living? To tie him down to the couch he once picked out himself? To let him look blankly out the window into a world he’d never be a part of again? Virgil was not sure. He just knew that usually when Logan and Patton were in the same room together, Virgil could feel the heartbreak and mourning drowning them all.

This though? This was almost, almost, funny.

Notes: Zombie Apocalypse AU, Past major character death(?), Look it’s a zombie AU so you can probably guess why there’s a question mark after everything involving Patton. Angst. It’s a little funnier than the last two parts?? Maybe? Zombie Patton is a little funny if you forget the whole horrifying painful death that caused it. Logan still cries of course.

The third part of a series of one-shots called Is There Anything Left of Patton?

Previous parts: 

“Something Left”

“Someone You’ll Never Meet”

Convincing Logan to bring Patton upstairs had been frustratingly difficult considering how badly Logan clearly wanted it. It had not been helped by the fact that Virgil had snuck around behind his back to do something “objectively stupid.” (Hypocritical considering how Logan had snuck around behind his back for months and went into the cage many times to do said “objectively stupid” thing himself. But, you know. Whatever.)

“I tested it with a rat first,” Virgil had defended himself, shaking the cage he’d been holding, “Luckily for Nibbles, Patton isn’t interested in live meat.”

“Luckily for you,” had been the retort.

It had led to a series of arguments over the next couple of weeks with interactions such as…

“Why would you even want to do that?”

“I wanted to know. Sue me for wanting to be aware if there was ticking time bomb in the basement that could come and bite me in the ass at any moment. Literally.”

and…

“Well, I’ve kinda grown to like Patton.”

“Patton’s a zombie! He might as well be that chair.”

“Look I’m not going to listen to a lecture on my attachment issues by a guy who keeps his dead boyfriend’s corpse in his basement.”

and…

“He might be more comfortable up here.”

“Patton isn’t going to be comfortable anywhere ever again.”

“But what’s left of him might be.”

“…”

 It was still a trial run. Neither of them was exactly going to sleep with Patton upstairs, and so Logan always wrestled him back downstairs at night. During the day, they didn’t let him freely roam the house; they’d finagled him what was basically a man-sized toddler leash. He… did not seem to like the leash. He tried to yank on it every time they pulled him around on it, but he never managed to think about using the simple clasp to get out of it even after he saw Virgil and Logan use it multiple times. He didn’t even seem to understand that Virgil and Logan were the source of the tugging, simply turning his ire on the belt itself.

He was all instinct. Struggle against things that pulled on you, grab for things that moved or made sound, eat things that your body wanted to eat. There was no more thought put into his actions than Virgil put into the act of breathing.

Virgil had secretly hope that brining him upstairs into what was once his home and not keeping him completely restrained all the time would make him act… he didn’t know… more human? Like, maybe there’d be a spark of recognition in his eyes when he saw his old bedroom, or he’d want to reach out for one of the stuffed animals Logan set out for him. But he just didn’t. He reacted, but only on the most basic levels. He would hear Logan or Virgil speak, but what they said made no difference. He would watch them move, sometimes getting up from the couch or chair they’d attached him to in order to follow them and then blindly swiping the leash when it pulled him back. Yet, he’d react the same way if they threw something large enough or if he caught site of an animal outside the window. He would reach and reach for them, but whatever it was his zombie brain seemed to want, he would never find it.

The only time he took any initiative was when there was food in the area and god was Virgil glad that he and Logan apparently did not register as food to the guy because holy fuck. The first time Virgil had seen him eat a potato, he’d almost thrown up. Like, the meat was one thing. He’d been prepared for the meat. It was fine, but the potato? He shuddered in memory even now. His mind could just not accept it. Also, he was also absolutely unstoppable when food was in the area. They had quickly learned to not attempt to cook or eat anything the zombie found palatable with him in reaching distance because, whatever it was, would be going into his mouth, no argument to be had.

Yet, despite it all, Virgil could not regret bringing him up here. Perhaps there was nothing of a person left under all of that instinct, but he still seemed calmer upstairs. Virgil was fairly certain it had more to do with the lack of restraints than the fact that his surroundings were nicer. While he pulled against the leash sometimes, it was easy for him to forget about it. He didn’t breathe quite as heavily or make as many sickening noises. He still tried to grab them when they were near, much like other zombies did (just without the biting), but it seemed just a touch less desperate.

Then there was Logan. Virgil felt a bit conflicted about Logan. He clearly wanted Patton upstairs, but at the same time, Virgil often caught him looking at the zombie wistfully. Logan was sadder when he was upstairs, but at least he was emoting something. He was less blank and emotionless. He tended to talk more even if those words were almost always tinged with melancholy. When Logan looked at Patton, he clearly could see that he wasn’t the man he loved anymore, but he was something.

And was this cruel, Virgil had to wonder, to the man that Patton used to be? To the men they both used to be? To drag what was left of Patton back into the world of the living? To tie him down to the couch he once picked out himself? To let him look blankly out the window into a world he’d never be a part of again? Virgil was not sure. He just knew that usually when Logan and Patton were in the same room together, Virgil could feel the heartbreak and mourning drowning them all.

This though? This was almost, almost, funny.

 “What did… what did you do to my dining room?” Logan asked aghast when he walked downstairs to see what looked to be going on two dozen plates and bowls of barely touched food haphazardly stacked across the table, something red (distinctly not blood thankfully) all over Virgil and the carpet, and silverware and cups on the floor.

“Patton and I are trying different foods,” Virgil said as though it were the most natural thing in the world. “He really did not like the tomato soup.”

Logan rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers. “He is clearly an obligatory carnivore. What is the point of this?”

Virgil didn’t answer him. Instead, he set down yet another plate in front of Patton. Logan bristled a bit at the dismissal. “I heard your no on tomatoes loud and clear buddy,” he addressed Patton. “So, maybe we should stick with root vegetables from the oven. I present for your culinary experience, oven roasted carrots.” Patton stared straight forward, not even looking at the plate. “Please dude. I can’t take the only eating potatoes thing. I really can’t. It’s going to drive me bonkers.”

“This is completely unnecessary and ridiculous,” Logan hissed.

“Well, what else am I supposed to do with him Logan?” Virgil asked. “It’s not like we can play chess or have an invigorating conversation about the meaning of the universe.”

“You’re not supposed to do anything with him,” Logan snapped. “He’s not a person anymore. He’s not even a pet. He’s lawn furniture that can walk. He’s a fucking corpse that just isn’t in the ground yet.”

“Then why is he here Logan?”

“Because you wanted to bring him up from the basement!” Patton turned at his increased volume and stumbled to his feet to paw at Logan. Logan pushed him firmly away, but he just kept coming.

“No. If that’s what you think,” Virgil said. “then why is he here, Logan?”

“Because,” Logan shut his mouth. He grabbed Patton’s wrist in his hand to keep it from him and looked away from them both. “Because I love him,” Logan said. He squeezed the hand and got nothing in return. “Because I love him and he’s not here anymore. Sometimes I find myself pretending, but I know he’s not.” he looked up to stare into Patton’s blank eyes. There was no spark to them, and there was no emotion on the face that used to be so open and dynamic. He used to always smile and joke and offer soft touches. Now there was nothing left but the way he struggled to grab at Logan’s face. “Yet…” he continued. “There is something there. Just… just a little piece. Not nearly him, but something. I can’t… I can’t let him go.” He roughly used his unoccupied hand to wipe a tear that had leaked out of one of his eyes away. “And he’s not a toy. He may not be a person anymore, but he was once.”

“I…” Virgil said softly, “I know that Lo. I’m not playing games with him, I swear. I just thought maybe he’d like some other food. Might as well give him things he likes, right?”

Logan let out a soft sob against his will and Virgil’s arms went carefully around him even as the new sound renewed Patton’s efforts to get to him. “I would have let him kill me,” Logan divulged. “When I found him. He was trapped and I knew he wasn’t there anymore, but I let him loose because I knew I couldn’t kill him or leave him there. I couldn’t live without him.”

“Oh Logan,” Virgil sighed. Logan turned from Patton into Virgil’s chest and Virgil rubbed his back as he cried even when Patton started up the grabbing at the back of his head now that he was released. After a few moments, Logan managed to wrestled control over himself.

He stepped back and started to push Patton back toward the chair he’d been sitting in. He aimlessly shoved back. “That’s how I figured out he wouldn’t hurt me,” he told Virgil. He finally got Patton shoved back into the chair. “You’d never hurt me, would you dear?” There was no answer from Patton except to wiggle against the hold, but then again, he’d already answered that question, hadn’t he? He answered it every moment of every day that the mindless husk of himself never tried to harm Logan. He answered it right now when all he did was push against the arms restraining him and never tilted his head down to bite.

Logan knew, logically, it was probably only some kink in the code of whatever virus or parasite the disease was, but some part of him couldn’t help but think that maybe just a part of it was an echo of the man he loved.

Patton gave up the struggle to get back up eventually, more forgetting than relenting. There were a few more moments of silence and then Logan turned to Virgil and forced a small smile. “So, what are you going to try to feed him next? Just a warning, he didn’t care for tomatoes when he was alive.”

“I really wish you’d told me that before he sprayed soup everywhere.”

“How exactly did that happen?”

“I tried to spoon feed him and he must have not liked the smell or the touch of the metal on his lips because he slapped the spoon away. His arm hit the bowl too and I got surprised and knocked over some glasses.”

Logan found himself chuckling. “That’s surprisingly in character for Patton,” he said. “Once we talked about his dislike for tomatoes and he told me that he was fine with cooked ones meaning, of course, in spaghetti sauce or on pizza but hated them raw. So, I cooked him grilled whole tomatoes. He threw them at me.”

Virgil laughed with him. “Well, maybe I’m going about this the wrong way. What did he like to eat?”

Logan hummed. “He would eat dill pickles straight from the jar. I’d call him a heathen and try to take them away from him.”

“You’re the heathen; dill pickles are good.”

“Disgusting,” Logan replied. “He also had a sweet tooth. Particularly for snickerdoodle cookies.”

“Hmm,” Virgil said, “alright. So, we’ll work with the cucumber family and sugar and see where it goes.”

 Patton did eat two pickles on his own power later that day. It was… not any more pleasant to watch than the potatoes.

Want to read more? The next part of this series is

Things You’ll Never Do

[bedeliainwonderland]

I understand disliking a character..but you realize anything that happens to bedelia in context of the show is driven by hannibal, right? the man you ship her with? the stinger, her fear, all that necessitates her self preservation is instigated by hannibal. the show frequently did a disservice to its female chars, but hannibal was the tool they used to do it. denying that and then shipping him w/ your fav only to turn it around on another char seems...hypocritical.

Ahh yes, some good ol’ anon hate, I missed that. Honestly, perfect timing, I am having the worst of times and getting to talk about my favs literally saved my day. So thanks!

First of all, Bedelia and Hannibal are a canon ship, whether you like it or not, so let’s get that out of the way (as opposite to certain other ship but that is a whole other thing). I merely fill in the blanks of what the show failed to provide because, for some inexplicable reason, the show named “Hannibal” was centered on a character named Will and every other character (especially the female characters) served only to further his “man pain”. But I digress, that is surely not why you chose to hide behind that grey square.

I don’t know whether you follow me or just saw that one reblog (which ironically weren’t even my words but I stand fully behind everything said), but I have already spoken about this extensively. Every day, really. I find it hard to understand how something is hypocritical when it is based on canon information. I am not denying anything. So here we go, under the cut, because I have a LOT to say:

The stinger- oh god, you all know how much I hate it. First of all, there is no proof that Hannibal is involved, we don’t know who is involved, that is kinda the point of a cliff hanger. We don’t even know if it’s real. But it’s absolutely pointless and makes no sense! It was quite literally Fuller wanting to do something “shocking” to finish off the series without any regard to continuity or characterisation. It was supposed to be shocking and look aesthetically pleasing, that’s it, no logic. It is as if he looked at the character list and thought “hmm, which female character is yet to be hurt? Oh right, Bedelia!” The so called “punishing Bedelia” as the fandom loved so very much is mere misogyny. Why can’t a female character do something morally questionable or even plain evil and get away with it? Because Will didn’t that is why. If she were a man, no one would scream for “she has it coming”, no, he would be uwu baby.

Having Hannibal involved in that would be completely out of character and contradictory to all their previous interactions/ their relationship. So let’s expand, shall we?

When we first see Bedelia and Hannibal, it is mentioned that she has been his psychiatrist for 7 years. 7 YEARS, let that sink in. No one, NO ONE, has been in Hannibal’s life for such a long time. It is clear she means a lot to him. If she didn’t, he had plenty of chances to kill her. It is established she is a loner, so it would so easy for Hannibal to dispose of her and claim “she left to UK” or something, like he did with his secretary. But he didn’t because he cares for her and she is important to him. He literally says he feels protective of her. Every session, you can see how much he needs her approval and how he hangs on her every word. How hurt he was when she said she wasn’t his friend (and yet he did nothing). How enamoured he is with her. When he comes to bring her dinner in Savoureaux, the dish included roses! Such a romantic.

Hannibal knew Bedelia was similar to him that is why he set up the whole Neil incident; he wanted to make sure she is. Do note that Bedelia wasn’t ever in danger, since Hannibal was there to step in if needed. But here is what I’ve found interesting; Bedelia killed someone, proving Hannibal’s hunch right, but she refused to fully acknowledge that part of herself. And Hannibal let her withdraw, doing nothing (as in not killing her, as I’m sure he had done many times with unsuccessful “candidates”) merely securing her continuous therapy. Because she was more than just another experiment to him.

And Bedelia isn’t so innocent in other aspects as well. She knows, yet she purposely evades the truth while talking to the FBI (“Will could use friends like Hannibal” ha!) under the cover of patient/ doctor confidentiality and even warns Hannibal directly (“they are starting to see your pattern). I have had my fair share of “Bedelia doesn’t care for Hannibal” posts and nothing could be further from the truth. If she hadn’t cared, she would not have done any of that.

But then of course, Hannibal’s game goes one step too far and he gives her the written permission to discuss him with the FBI. This is bad for Bedelia because it puts her under the scrutiny as well and that is not where she wants to be. Bedelia’s self-preservation always comes first (both Bedelia and Hannibal are egocentric by nature). Yet, she still comes to say goodbye to him and he lets her go! The script described Hannibal’s reaction to her words as “imperceivable wound”. “But he then went to kill her!” I hear you say? *Thor’s gif* Did he though? If he wanted to kill her, he would have done it then and there. No, he went to check if she were really gone (again, script) and whether she betrayed him. That was his only concern (betrayal is a big thing with Hannibal), but she didn’t. She even left him a memento. It said it was a memento of friendship, I think it was a “see you later” card.

This is getting super long, so let’s quickly skip to Florence. Bedelia left with Hannibal, knowing exactly who he was. Unlike other (all of them, actually) characters, she did not reject him/ was scared of him. “You let them see you/ I let them see enough” exchange says it all. She is not surprised by him or shocked by what he is; she is merely stating the facts. She has long accepted him in full. They lived together in Florence, openly behind the so called veil, as fake husband and wife, but the wedding rings remained intact even at home (showing how important it was to them, not just a front), displaying a ridiculous amount of domesticity and intimacy. This deserves a whole separate post but I am trying to be brief(er). “But she was scared!” you might shout again, except that she wasn’t. Even if Antipasto purposely played with the ambiguity of her situation for suspense purposes, the following episodes made it clear she was exactly where she wanted to be, from the very start, on her own terms as Hannibal’s equal. We were obviously misled by the promos, they promised us a Bedelia and Hannibal show and what we got was, well, you know… And that is yet another post altogether.

Now to the glorious farewell, boy, do I love to talk about that. Bedelia packs Hannibal’s bags and tells him to leave, and he does! What more, he promises to tell her story. HER STORY. Now, that is a major thing, because Hannibal has never ever done that for anyone. He always turns other people’s stories into his own, manipulating and adjusting accordingly. But with Bedelia, he simply agrees to do it, on her own terms. Not only that, he is visibly impressed and enamoured by her. Again, if he wanted to kill her, he could have just killed her then. He was going to get caught anyway, what is one more murder? All this “he waited until he could eat her” story makes no sense at all, since as it was already mentioned, he knew her for almost a decade, plenty of time to eat her if he wanted to. He lets her go because he wants to. Because he cares for her.

The point I have made several times is that Bedelia is the only person that Hannibal treats as, well, a person! Everyone else is beneath him, meat only if you will, but not her. Even the ever so special (apparently) Will and Abigail aren’t treated as “people”. Bedelia is the only person that Hannibal respects; that is what makes her so special. Not love (even though he obviously loves her), because respect is rarer for Hannibal than love. Sure, he “loves” Will, the same way you love your favourite book. You want to have it and you don’t want anyone else to have it, but you don’t expect the book to return your feelings. Bedelia is Hannibal’s only equal.

The Red Dragon arc was a mess of epic proportions so I don’t even want to get into that. But I do appreciate the acknowledgement of Bedelia’s darker side and now she has become comfortable with it since Florence. Let’s make a few notes so it doesn’t look as if I am purposely omitting things: Hannibal’s letters to Bedelia? Clearly a part of his “telling her story” and helping her cover, plus he was not able to send her proper letters, so that is his way of telling her he thinks of her. Sessions with Will? You can’t really take everything she told him at face value, she is obfuscating after all. Why would she be honest with Will? She wouldn’t be, she was just continuing what Hannibal has started with much better results (slightly too good actually, as proven by Will’s stupid plan). Bedelia wasn’t afraid Hannibal would come after her, because she had no reasons to be. NONE. She was protected by him.

So there you have it, the great many reasons why I am so unapologetic in my shipping. Because it is all there. Thank you for reminding me why I love these two so much! Have a great day, maybe next time you can message me off anon.

(And thanks to all who got to the end of this almost dissertation, this is my testament, I love you all fellow bedannibal fans!)

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

So why don't you like Nozomi, if you DO like Asahi? I'm indifferent to her but I get why others hate her, she can be rlly annoying even if she means well.

For me, it was that Nozomi never felt like a genuine friend. 

(Letting you know upfront, this is going to be a rant.) 

For the most part, I didn’t mind her on my first play-through. (Barring a particular point in the story that I will talk about in a bit.) But on my second one, I started to notice things. Supposedly, she’s the Queen of the Fairies, and she talks about this a lot. Like, she never shuts up about it. But ever notice that she’s only in the Fairy Forest for like...5% of the game’s story? She totally abandons them and leaves no one to rule in her stead - after they were attacked by the Divine Powers, no less! I guess Napea might be ruling...maybe? But it’s not like she’s qualified. I know Navarre is supposed to be stuck-up for doubting her ability to be a photographer on the side, but she literally left for five minutes to take some photos, only to find the forest on fire when she got back. Apparently she can’t manage both tasks at once. I was almost rooting for Inanna to get her power back, because Nozomi’s insistence that she needs it to protect the fairies is a blatant lie. She’s not doing that. 

In general, Nozomi has a very insufferable habit of interjecting herself into other people’s conversations to prematurely end them. She is so dismissive. Seriously, how many times do people bring up valid points, only for Nozomi to go “Don’t worry about it, let’s just focus on A” or something similar. Again, it’s not a big deal, but it happens all the time. I didn’t notice until I played through a second adventure, but it’s constant. She clearly fancies herself as the leader of the team, when everyone else is pretty clear that it’s Nanashi. Her attempts to parent the others are cute, but she’s only 21, and they range from 14-18 so...it kinda falls flat. Hearing her try to I.D. card Hallelujah for drinking underage... in a post-apocalyptic society where people eat demon meat is just kinda...cringe.

There are other lines are well. Like when she glares at the male characters and warns them not to peek at the females changing...even though none of them sans Navarre have ever given any indication that they would. How she takes one look at Boss, and says, “He’s not going to make it.” Gee Nozomi, how about we let an actual Doctor make that call? How about we try to save Boss anyway, y’know, just on that off chance? CPR, maybe? Or the time that she suggested she might need to one day kill Nanashi, but hopefully it wouldn’t come to that...two minutes before offering the hand of friendship. And you gain anarchy points for refusing. Dude, literally why would I want to be friends with someone after they threaten to kill me? I mean, it’s laughable that Nozomi thinks she can, considering Nanashi’s already dead, but still, the sentiment matters! Why is Ashahi so on board with Nozomi after that? Is it because the game doesn’t let you tell her about Dagda, nor does it let you comfort her when she finds out - so Nozomi gets to instead? Because I think that’s why, and it’s just cheap. 

But these things are small potatoes compared to Nozomi’s greatest sin. 

The whole sequence where she sells out Nanashi and Asahi to the Hunter Association. 

How is that she can recognize that Krishna is trying to divide the group and turn them against each other...and then proceed to do his work for him? How does Nozomi justify turning them in, when she ought to have known that no good would come of it? Nanashi and Asahi were tricked, (Depending on your choices, Nanashi might have been physically forced to open the Ark) and they’ve been trying to stop Krishna ever since. So how does Nozomi justify it?  “You both need to step up like adults and take responsibility for your actions.” Okay, first of all, that’s exactly what they are doing. Turning them in and potentially getting them into trouble is only going to make it more difficult for them to do that. Second of all, considering that she constantly tries to parent them, she doesn’t get apply adult levels of responsibility in this one instance. Asahi and Nanashi are not her children to discipline. They’re her teammates in a war, and she’s throwing them under the bus. “Now that this is all out in the open, we can try to get past it and move on.” Well no, evidently we can’t. How dare she say that after informing Nanashi and Asahi that she’s selling them out?

By the way, I would at this point like to remind you that Nozomi knew about Dagda for the entire time she knew Nanashi! That was why she threatened to kill him in the first place. She is just as culpable in all this as the others - oh, not to mention that she’s been sharing her body with Danu for even longer! She pulls some nonsense about how “Look, when I first met you guys, I didn’t realize how messed up all this was.” What is that weak excuse? She knew the whole time, and she kept it a secret from the Association. She’s been in on this for too long to back out now and claim moral superiority. There’s no option to even call her out for being a hypocrite - not that she would admit to it if you did. 

Nozomi later claims to understand that it wasn’t their fault. She defends them at the riot trial, has the nerve to comfort them like it isn’t her fault that they’re all there. Ironically, in speaking out for them, she also pretty much outlines all of the reasons why she was wrong to betray them in the first place. “Demons played them, the ones you should be mad at are the Divine Powers.” You...you couldn’t have figured that out twelve hours ago, Nozomi? You just had to wait until now? If that’s true, and she knew that, then why turn them in? She laments in a text message about how she “doesn’t want to” but “has to” report this. Like...no you don’t, Nozomi. You are making this decision all by yourself. You could choose not to do this. If you really don’t want to, then don’t.

I think this must be how Skye-Parkin-Antis felt during Season 1 of Quidditch. Because even on my first play-through, it was infuriating to me that Nozomi did this, and no one called her out on it. She kept acting like she was Ashai and Nanashi’s friend throughout it all. Continued to comfort Asahi as though she wasn’t the one causing Ashai’s pain. There is no point where anyone even proposes the idea that Nozomi was wrong to do this, not even Dagda. And I never really forgave her for that incident. I didn’t like how it was just swept under the rug. Ironically, knowing what a sap I am, I might actually have chosen to forgive her if there had been a choice. But there wasn’t. She just carries on as one of your friends like she didn’t totally stab you in the back and pretend it was justified. 

As devastated as I was to play through the Anarchy Ending...and as much as I tend to be a soft cinnamon roll...getting to betray Nozomi was a tad bit satisfying.

[092219archive]

i’ve been watching ffxiv cutscenes for the main story (pushing thru heavensward right now) and i’ve been thinking of stuff for my wol lately so i guess now’s a good time to introduce them a bit :-)

here’s a link to the og meme: Self Insert Development Meme

1. Does your insert have a name that’s different from yours? Does the name reflect their character in any way, or is it just because it sounds nice? How did you come up with it?

wol’s currently nameless... i can’t use with the usual “eren” as per the naming conventions of each ffxiv race (i will use wol!eren to indicate, well, My WoL). maybe if i wanted them to be a hyur i’d be able to, but i’ve been hopping back and forth between aura (raen) or viera (veena)...

edit (8/4): i keep forgetting to update this lmfao,, but my wol’s name is momo and they’re an aura (raen)!

2. Does your insert have a very strong relationship with a f/o, maybe more than one? Tell us a little about the dynamic they have! This can be a bond that’s romantic, familial, or platonic, anything - even an enemy would count as a strong relationship!

there’s only maybe one person who’s aware of the character(s) that i’m maybe. MAYBE. maybe. looking at (eros Do Not Interact). no names as i refuse to acknowledge/perceive them in any manner.

but, the relationship’s still in the works,, i’m thinking it’s a lot of it’s gonna have to focus on positions of power/hierarchies... maybe a bit of slowburn... for spice.

i feel like any rom relationship i could build might. be slow burn. oops!

3. Who in their canon are they closest to? Who would they drop everything to come help, if anyone? Who’s the person they’re least close to? Who would they most likely not get along with, if anyone?

in terms of story, i think wol!eren’s really close to alphinaud; i get familial vibes from him (and actual wol spends a very large chunk of time with him as well)... but personally, i’m thinking estinien. yea he’s a bit of an asshat but he’s cool (but ig that makes wol!eren a bit of an asshat too)

when it comes to who wol!eren’s not close with... honestly, anyone that abuses their position of power for selfish and harmful reasons at the expense of people go on the hit list. but even then, if the character’s one of the main characters/shown often then it’s like... i’d have to think about it a little more. happens a lot

4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? How does it reflect their relationships now? Their hopes and dreams?

hmm much like my other s/is, wol!eren delves on their past often despite their preaching of looking forward. a hypocrite they are!! (/s) a lot of my self ships also delve on like. “same hat” so... honestly they’re just kinda going with the flow and walking wherever they feel is an easy path. they’re a pretty passive person despite the role they’ve been given.

5. Does your insert have any magical talents or otherwise special abilities? Are they passive, like the ability to befriend animals, or dangerous power that the villains want? Or if they're evil - any powers the heroes want to stop?

as per the narrative, they were chosen by hydaelyn and have the echo. however, they’re also extremely perceptive. they can typically tell whether someone has good intentions or not. the issue is that it’s always a feeling and they usually don’t have anything to prove their claims. as a result, they rarely say anything about it. it's not really a “power” but it can certainly be helpful.

6. Do they fight? What’s their weapon of choice? Do they stay on the sidelines? What would it take for them to get off the sidelines? Revenge? Saving a loved one? What’s the motivation for them to fight, or to stay OUT of a fight?

i plan on wol!eren being a summoner! or maybe not exactly a summoner, but something to do with magic being used offensively. they hate getting their hands dirty so they’ll just blow you up instead.

they mainly fight because it’s their duty/obligation to fight, but had they not been in the position they were, they’d have sooner leave combat and live off the grid. nobody really knows this because they never voice it -- it also wouldn’t be good for a warrior of light to say “yea i hate my job and i don’t really care about some of you”, you know?

(7/18) edit: with the help of my ffxiv mutuals, i’ve decided to make wol!eren a black mage :) it’s definitely fitting for their character.

7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? What’s likely in their closet right now?

REALLY DARK CLOTHING. if they show any skin when they don’t have to, they’ll Perish. i intend for them to wear the void ark clothing for magic users but much like everything else, that’s subject to change. clothing that’s aesthetically pleasing and easy on the eyes is good.

8. How do they fit into their canon world? What’s their role to play, if any? Do they have a big destiny? Or do they more live as a side character that’s helpful for the protagonists/antagonists?

literally the protagonist but very much desires to be a side character. because they like playing a supporting role more than the main role, they live in “anonymity.” kinda. it’s just hard when the group you’re apart of and gods?? know literally just about everything you’ve been doing.

9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? How do they express their joy for things they like?

they will. eat just about anything they’re given, even if the food’s not super great (like a raccoon.....). they don’t really have any particular favorites and if they do, it’s likely to be meat or basic, easy-to-make dishes.

just anything that’s dark/muted. color colors (blues, purples, etc.) are their favorite.

they very much enjoy doing absolutely nothing, especially now that they’re so busy with working. if they’re free from work even if it’s just for a few seconds, you will find them sleeping. Lazy

if they like something, they’d never say it out right. extremely private and closed off person, so unless you’re really close with them, you’d never know if they truly liked something.

10. Their least favorites? What don’t they enjoy in life? How do they deal with being presented with things they don’t like?

literally just anything that inconveniences them. they want things to run smoothly so they don’t have to deal with anything they don’t have to. when something arises that stops them from fulfilling their duties, they’re get irritated. they also just, not the biggest fan of people and socializing.

11. How easy is it to make your insert angry? Sad? How easy is it to twist their emotions into negative things? By contrast, how easy are they to cheer up? What can brighten a bad day?

they’re easily prone to negative emotions, but it’s not “major/serious” since they’re mostly out of touch with their emotions anyhow. if it gets really bad, they kinda “shut down.”

one way to get under their skin is confront them about personal matters, but you can cheer them up if you have a good sense of humor! alphinaud’s helped with that, albeit unintentionally more often than not.

12. Is your insert a loner, or do they prefer crowds? Do they warm up easily, or do they tend to take longer to befriend others? What kinda people do they get along with? Who are they likely to be uncomfortable with?

i think i did mention earlier that wol!eren really doesn’t like crowds. it takes them a very long time to genuinely consider someone as a friend. sometimes they might not even acknowledge someone even if said person tries their hardest to befriend them. and there’s not really a type of person who they’re really “uncomfortable” with (spoilers they’re always uncomfortable with everything asjfhsd), but i guess if i had to answer, it’s just anybody with potentially harmful intentions?

they have. Trust Issues™, if you will.

13. What are your insert’s goals? Their hopes and dreams for the past/future/present! Do they intend to achieve no matter what? Could anything stop them, big or small?

in the past, they wanted to live a comfortable life as a recluse where they can do things without the eyes of others watching... and they still do, but now they’re too accustomed by the presence of people to truly achieve that. after their duties as a wol (if they’re ever completed honestly), they’d probably pull a cloud final fantasy and start a delivery service or something like that LOL

14. Does your insert have any family relations? How do they get along? How do they disagree? Is it a biological family? Adopted? Or is it found family? How did this family come together, if it was one of the last two?

sssomething like that? so far i’m thinking they come from a family of arooound 5. 2 siblings + parents. they have a younger sibling who’s a miqo bard mercenary and an older elezen (?) astrologian currently working somewhere in ishgard. debating on who their parents are but all of them were kinda... “picked up” and put into a family.

the “parental figures” were desperate to have a family but they had little knowledge of how to care for children. needless to say, the environment was not one to flourish in.

miqo brd is kinda like robin hood where he steals from the upper class to give to the poor because he refuses to allow people who’re in need suffer due to a lack of resources. on the other hand, the ast is the elezen who wants nothing but peace. the downside is that he’s very aggressive with his ideals and follows people like the archbishop, thordan.

edit (7/18): wol!eren wasn’t tied to their family biologically, but due to their questionable actions and words, they cut ties with their family and started traveling alone. it was extremely difficult but because they didn’t stay in confines of their own home, they were able to meet the scions and the not.

alphinaud and alisaie are like their siblings. they share a surprisingly a deep, unspoken familial bond with the three because of all the adventures they went on together. wol!eren’s been caught acting like an older sibling to the two.

15. Does your insert have any enemies? What’s that dynamic like? Why are they enemies? Did they ever get along in the past? Is patching up differences out of the question for the future?

much like the actual in-game wol, i’d imagine that anybody that wants to stop the wol in their tracks are considered “enemies.” i haven’t gotten that far into ffxiv to really name characters though,, tba.....

16. Free question space! Ask whatever you want to know!

if ur into ffxiv and u’ve gotten this far down... thank u :) and talk to me abt ur wols or ur ffxiv faves in my inbox maybe?? 👀

[void-tiger]

The problem (or underused?) reality of Anthropomorphic Animal Worlds is...

What do you do with the Predators?

Worlds like Arthur just skirt around this by having everyone be the same size but with Animal-ish Heads but behaving as humans, down to their “fur” acrually being skin. Or in Ducktales or Berenstain Bears or Max&Ruby, everyone’s just the same animal.

Then in worlds like Redwall or LooneyToons or Tom&Jerry or American Tail, they don’t skirt around the issue but instead typecast Predators Evil, Prey Good (which I’m not thrilled with, not just as a cat parent but also ‘cause the Prey are the ones who start the fight or are needlessly cruel 60% of the time...but there’s that “but it’s okay ‘cause they’re the heroes!” bullshit. Which when we get into Grimdark vs NobleBright and morality and the protag’s actions? I think a lot of it is subconiously sourced in LooneyToons.)

The Token Good Cat (always a cat) always has to have this speech about how they’re vegan now, or only eat fish. (Which...why aren’t the fish anthropomorphic? Which the rest of the cast eat fish too.) Or in Finding Nemo we’ve got the AA Sharks. And...um...none of that is actually healthy for the obligate carnivoirs involved. The sharks would eventually starve, the fish themselves actually eat other fish or plankton (hypocrite much?); and in the case of cats? A diet of Fish Only is actually pretty terrible for urinary track health (especially for male cats)

Various Junglebook Adaptions (I don’t remember this being in the stories I tried reading as a kid before kinda giving up) and IceAge handled it okay as well—don’t Hunt around drinking water, especially during a Water Truce, the only law of the jungle is to “Eat or Be Eaten” (no hard feelings but you’re allowed to fight back), and Don’t Kill For Pleasure (aka, murder, since you’re not gonna eat that). But they also behave closer to Animals than People.

Zootopia did a really decent job. Decent, but not perfect—only mammals are shown to be anthropomorphic, and Word of God is that apparently the Predators eat fish (ehh...) and protein bars now (and hypotethically avians and reptiles as well. Since...they’re not seen.) But, we’re not SHOWN this despite that being the central conflict. Yes I know it was allegorical! But...how’d they even get to that point? They’re using 21st Century Postmodern Tech, and Judy’s school play looked to be very early in their evolutionary history. (Well... “Early”. Digressing.)

Where’s their stoneage to ironage? How’d that function? It takes time to develop “Carnivoir Friendly Proteins” (aka...it ain’t gonna be my plantbased ones. Different types of proteins) that still doesn’t exist for us yet. (As far as I know we’re still trying to grow and make accessible organs for medical reasons. “Cruelty Free Synthetic Meat” is kinda low on the list.) WHEN did the Mammals start becoming Sapient. How did their societies start to form around that, especially before the Synthetic Meats were developed?

Were the Predators only allowed to eat the Already Dead, Crimminals, or War Enemies for their meat rations...and have resulting health problems as a result, while Raccoons and Dogs did “okay” vs Cats? Did that lead to (violent) conflict, with factions of Prey demanding genocide while factions of Predators wanting to go Full Warlord just to have something to eat (and a side of “why should we abide by a Mouse’s Laws when we can just easily eat them?!”) Did this excelerate technology like a desperate ratrace (with a group trying to prevent Tragedy) or stagnate or even send it into decline.

...so this is ripe for horror that we’re all kinda trying to suspend reality for instead. But I’m also genuinely curious. If you’re making the Animals into Fully People...then Things Get Complicated (even without moral implications or subconcious or blatant IRL/Historical allusions to problems.)

Buuut...I’d prefer a HopePunk take on this if there is one vs it staying Dark or No Hard Feelings, Mate.

[kittyxs]

I don’t really know if I can make a personal post anymore. It’s been shit. The last time I did this was 5 months ago. More or less ...

J the Communist died. I guess I can’t write this unless I state it, because it’s been the most prevalent thing for the past two months. In exactly one month’s time, it would have been his Birthday. I never got to actually celebrate his Birthday with him. He always forgot to invite me somehow, even tho’ he would invite me a month or two earlier ... Just in passing but never a real invitation.

It’s so silly really ... one year ago this time ‘round we would be having sex. I would complain about him and I would be confused about the meaning of our relationship. We had the most queer relationship tho’. He was my ex, but he was also my partner. I checked and we actually renewed our relationship a year after we broke up. From then on it was just the most weirdest relationship I have ever had with a person.

I loved him. I feel like I didn’t appretiate him enough ... You know, once somebody dies, just out of nothing, when you can’t say “Goodbye” to them, you have all these unanswered questions and you become a mess. For this reason I went back to therapy. I also wrote him two letters since. Supposedly it helps. It surprisingly does.

I’ve been visiting his grave more than I would see him when he was alive. I feel like a fraud. A hypocrite. I actually feel like the worst this planet has to offer. I’ve been working weekends and I haven’t seen his grave in two weeks. I feel disgusted by myself. I always ask J ... well the ghost of J ... or rather the J that lives in my memory, if it’s okay that I don’t go to the grave even tho’ I said I would, because I’m exhausted and it’s been raining. The answer is always bittersweet.

But I don’t want to write another essay about him (Edit: I kinda did. It really is the most prevalent topic my brain is occupied with.) You would think a person can hold just so many tears in themselves. But they always find a way down my cheeks when I think about him, Actually think about him. “No tears left to cry”? Well, Ariana, there are. There are tears even when I watch a silly movie and something barely sad happens. I never sobbed at movies, unless it’s the fourth episode of the first season of Sense8, and now I do.

You know what’s weird as well? Masturbating. Does it count as necrophilia if you imagine your dead boyfriend, but when he was still alive, having sex with you while you masturbate?

Otherwise, I’ve been - drum roll - shit. My gender dysphoria went skyrocket. I feel disgusted by my own body so much that my social anxiety is back. I can’t see people. It’s not so severe tho’. I feel like going to work and being occupied with studying for that biomedicine course I’m doing keeps me off of thinking that I’m less than. It’s a weird feeling, however. At the same time I have confidence, meet friends but I also feel like my face is in constant disgust and regret mode. I’ve been called “sir” or “gentleman” or “young man” by strangers a lot lately. And I don’t know what gives me away? I have a bob cut and I shave constantly, since laser has been doing a sloopy job removing my beard. I feel like I’m the most femme I’ve ever been, but then I get called a sir and this illusion, this image of myself, gets broken up into shards and I end up feeling disgusting. Self harmingly disgusting. I know I look like a dude. But my androgynous vibes never got people to name me a man so often as they do now. That’s the issue.

It also shows in me taking care of my apartment. I would usually enjoying cleaning and tidying up. That’s been a bit hard ... not to mention taking out the trash. The mold might disintegrate me in my sleep.

You also won’t believe me, but I can now only take one big meal per day as of lately. I used to shove food down my throat like it was nothing or as if I were on a competitive eating championship. Now, two burgers and a beer do the trick. If not already make me want to puke ... Also meat smells, for some reason, so delicious. Even if noone is preparing it. I just smell meat out of nothing. And I crave fermented goods. The more flavourful something is, the better.

In this rollercoaster of emotions that are being thrown at me - and I don’t really know how to process them, I gave my phone number to a straight waiter and went out partying and dancing wildly. 

Do I have unresolved issues with J? You bet I do.  I thought I were past this, when the other day I acknowledged that I’m “okay” with J’s death. I’m not. (Edit: Did the community fail him? Did we fail him? Did I fail him!? Did I!?!??) Do I feel like the most disgusting human that doesn’t deserve love? Honey!! Crap is oozing out of my pores so much that flies can’t even fly.

Am I being an emotional disaster? I mean ... Have you seen me giggle when my friend the Sculptor hugs me and gives me a kiss on the cheek? He’s being nice and I take his kindness and indulge in it in a way that makes me feel something, when it’s nothing.

The cat that lived with my parents died today. Lyme disease. My mother refuses to take in cats any more... since the past ... hmmm ... 4 cats, 3 of which I were close to, died of disease. I’ve been having a somewhat better relationship with my mother. It’s really sad, that J is the reason behind it.

Anyway ... I’m tired. Disaster potato signing off.

[aveganmermaid]

do u think its hypocritical if u say u care abt animals and claim u dont eat/harm them but ur just a vegetarian and not a vegan? esp when u could be a vegan if u wanted to/there's nothing stopping u? im asking bc i saw a post on ur blog abt jane goodall and she says she doesnt want to exploit animals and believes in equality for them, but shes a vegetarian, not a vegan. idk it just kind of disillusioned me abt her a little bit bc she's kinda always been one of my heroes idk

I totally agree with you, I do think it’s a bit hypocritical, and it is one of my biggest criticisms of Jane Goodall. I love her as a person, and I respect the work that she has done and is doing, but I do think that she could do better. I remember a quote from her once where she claimed that veganism was “extreme” and idk, I thought it was a silly thing to say considering all the evidence to back up how much veganism helps the planet.

I think if people have the ability to go vegan, they should. I think vegetarianism is a great step to getting to a vegan diet, but I don’t think vegetarianism should be an end goal. It still causes a lot of suffering and in my opinion MORE suffering because dairy/eggs are probably two of the worst industries, and I find people who are veggie tend to eat more dairy/eggs to supplement the fact that they are’t eating meat so they’re still contributing to the violence on a pretty equal scale, I would say.

However, I also think it’s really important to allow yourself to be critical of celebrities and to allow yourself to be disillusioned by them. I don’t think it’s good for us to be almost worshiping these celebrities as people who don’t do anything wrong. So it’s totally ok to like Jane Goodall but at the same time be critical of things that she does or says! 

:)

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Our old ladies making sandwiches in the Bronx.

I asked the kids "do you know any older people that might need a home? May be down the street or near you? For real cheap? Lesser than they paying now?"

"Yeah! My gramma!!"

"My aunt!"

"Oh shit yeah! My gramma I'm taking off to get her now!"

I wanted single parents we were so lucky to be across the street from the park so we could ask them. Kids are typically more honest than adults.. Have less greed but more worries but have that shelter of an older person to look after them so less desperation to lie.

So we had them old grammas and a young single aunt raising her sister's kids in there making sandwiches. All the time. No peanut butter and jelly unless they asked. Only meat from behind the glass at the deli that was sliced special just for us. They called it the bakery they been there so long. I called it a bodega. They called themself a Grocer. Its still there, too. And we had the cheese sliced special. Only the bread was precut and the kids liked SunBeam best. Miracle whip.

I knew they couldn't afford that kinda stuff and the money my parents left me after their death... I knew that was what they would want. To treat them women good as they went special to get their orders all cut.

I knew back on slavery days they did it often. And they could not eat the meat -- most didn't have the permission. Had to buy a whole chicken and thaw and cook it and cut it themselves. It was the cheapest of ways.

But this way they could go on and get for us and take a pound of meat and cheese home. And a loaf of bread.

For $5 a day and the promise of a house.

I loved loved loved talking to my old ladies but man as the boys tore the houses down, their stories tore my heart apart.

It didn't rake the joy out of me. It helped establish the principle. And one with the worst stories of all she said when she had us ALL crying "please promise me you'll help more black people"

"I can't help but to have to at this point in my career"

"Where do you get the money? You always smile and walk away. Don't you dare walk out that door! I already see you smile all big and bright! Now you tell me or we will all cry again and you don't want that do you? Or do you? You can tell me if you're mean and evil with a smile that bright it is a question!"

I pushed the smile down my throat to stop my tears and keep me from bawling and to give me half the strength of the women before me. I tried to hide behind my legs...,

"I'm an orphan"

"You a what? An orphan?! Then how you get the money? Your parents are all dead!"

I nodded slowly and smiled sadly

"Oh they must been rich then huh?"

And that bright smile came out in me.

"Oh now I see why you always smiling? And you believe they want you to do all this with the meat and all? Oh dear I'm getting choked up!"

Tears slid down my face and the apartment had these Windows that seemd to shine down light like it was from the Heavens.

"My mom... Would want you and you to have a home, a place to call your own. She used to work in a bar. All of you. My dadda, too. See They died when I was very young. Just a few years ago, not too long ago, and i slept on the bar floor for 3 weeks waiting for my mom to return. We knew my dadda was far too gone... It was a mystery i try to repeat in my head so i can find him, you know...,but i cannot. So 3 weeks ago.. Now now it's been months. Now almost 4 months. And we had news of my dad's confirmed death. And i had millions! So i decided to buy some apartment complexes to make more money. But once i got into I realized my heart didn't care! It wasn't good enough! My mom and my dadda. My real dad would want me to do MORE for the good people of this Earth. I know Because i would see my mommas bright smiling face after i bought these apartments and she looked happy but she told me alwsys in her heart "you could do more" which didn't make no sense. I had enough money for 3 lifetimes! I know she told me,that in a dream! So,she told me about all the people at the bar who needed money but drank it all away because they weren't all happy at home and it had to do with their social life and a lot more. And the last thing she said to me was "teach the kids" so i had all these clues and I didn't know what the hell to do! So we were out there working I was overseeing equipment being hailed up to renovate and this kid, a precious nine year old came up and asked me how much they cost, were they free? And that son of a bitch told me "people around here are poor. They can't afford any new housing" and he disappeared like right before my eyes like a ghost or apperition. And so i thought. Took me 2 nights of dreaming and thinking and tossing and turning. And I thought, that kid is right! I couldn't afford no housing if my parents hadn't left me money! So i did some experiments with a Jesse we call Jesse James and i vowed not to be a hypocrite but a blessing! And so this is what is not an experiment but LIFE. Life for me for all of you And for my parents money to keep on giving for eternity! Now how does that feel for just a bright smile in an answer?!"

They started bawling. I started to laugh.

"Oh y'all dry your tears. Every thing will be alright. You doing okay do you need anything? You all got your food to take home and all?"

"We are tired of this meat!! That's all we eat day in and day out!"

"Well how about some collard greens?"

,...

These were wonderful women. They got $5 per day plus their hours.

One woman got her house done in less than a month. But she wanted to stay cooking.

So, I paid her $100 per day. But she didn't like it. She said it was too much.

She said that $5 per day was wonderful! Saved her So many many times.

So we worked her a plan. She paid each girl $15 and she kept $40

And I explained "you're giving away $60 and keeping $40 that is more than half you're giving away"

And all them girls were so happy... They did celebrate with tears and smiles and hugs. Then when each got $100 they all shared. Exactly the same. $15 to each and $40 for just themselves.

Until finally one day I was paying $500 per day up from only $25 to have sandwiches made or soup or steak or them ole collard greens with the recipe I remembered.

And I was happy.

My parents had left me 13.4 billion dollars. And I intended to give it all away with hard work and dedication.

In one month all across the world single parents and single guardians got homed in 875 different houses.

Iran. Iraq. London. Bangkok. Japan. Australia. New Zealand had 4. South America. Brazil. Hawaii. Alaska. Newfoundland. Holland. Quebec. Alabama. Saudi Arabia would be finished in two weeks. All across the world with the help of the United Nations.

No one country was exempt, they would all have homes provided by me. With just a little labor and love. Mostly single moms and dads with babies, or guardians especially were touching my soul every day raising their family's kids just because they love.

Eventually 12.4 billion dollars was spent and so created the Habitat for Humanity to carry on and make more money to keep building for families all across the world.

Habitat for Humanity was for my parents legacy.

Rock the Vote for Ms Chen's who not only raised me but brought me up and carried me when i needed to be in the political asylum I never wanted to be in and only she could teach.

And for Miss Roberta we did hit those Harlem streets -- hard. The most predominantly black neighborhoods of all. In NYC my homes are 96% in Harlem.

My money makers are 29% in Harlem on low income $15 or so per month never over $100. I save it for a rainy day. Like during Quarentine were paying to keep their lights on. They own but we charge like a condo fee. And if they need a new roof, we pay for it. We pay for all maintenance.

Unlike the others that don't pay monthly, they're on their own if they have any problems.

But i was running out of money and houses were getting too expensive. So we worked that out. And it works just fine. They are fancier, too.

I bought some hardware companies to make it easier on cost and so they got super upgrades on chandeliers and such Which are outrageous expensive to customers but not to the store themselves. Huge Mark up. So we were able to make them much fancier to warrent the monthly fee. Plus the promise to take care of all materials. We still prefer the neighbors get out and help one another for $5 a day plus free food cooked by one of the neighbors.

And i love it. Its like a dream come true.

Its a good world out there if we just look for it when help make it so.

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

5/7/17, 1:53am - and now taking time from my busy day to bring you the Tyler Blog

wow, it’s been a hot minute.

Whelp there’s a lot to write about and not a lot of memory in my life, so I’m just gonna give it a whirl and see how it goes.

First off, today I came one step closer to finally finding out where Sonic accurately ranks on my fast food tier list. I’ve eaten at sonic like maybe three times in my life tops, and two of them were today and last week. Last week got a burger and fries, today I got a chicken sandwich and onion rings. Now, I must say that to accurately rank Sonic I have yet to try their hot dogs, maybe even a fourth entree or something, but I can say with full confidence that Sonic is D tier fast food, C tier at best. Holy shit, man. Everything tastes like it’s been on the grill a little too long, gets that kinda burnt taste onto it. Which is charming in Cookout because it’s coupled with actually flavorful food and like higher quality burger patties and fluffy buns, but here it just kinda falls flat. Something about the bun, man. I love how they actually put some effort into putting it onto the grill, but the potato-bread consistency is gross and mushy and makes everything in the sandwich feel like mush to me. I think the real issue is the condiments might be too big relative to the meat? Or maybe it’s just bad. Eating this chicken sandwich today all I could think was “this is the wendy’s chicken sandwich if it were hungover as fuck.” Fries were alright, they’re like the dream fries you hope for during lunch in high school. The onion rings are Actually delicious, super sweet and crispy, pair well with the honey mustard, but almost too sweet to eat a whole bag of. I’m sure the tots are solid and I just feel spoiled by costco hot dogs how is shit so expensive everywhere else.

Alright I’m done with that shit lmao. So like...shit where do I even start? the past? The present? I was talking to jimmy about conceptualizing the dimensions and that neat little youtube video, and said something stupid like the past and future is all a constant, nothing matters. We were talking about the big bang and recursive progression into the destruction of the world until it collapsed and started over again. Who knows, man. Maybe nothingness is cool. 

Anyway let’s do a little personal assessment. I was doing excellent on my diet until like the last time I posted, then starting to live in gboro and wanting to try out places to eat there transitioned into going to visit the fam in VA to see my little brother’s performance and Darlin fed me way too much while I was there so I’m like off the wagon sort of lol. I was up to like 146 the other day, 143 when I checked like yesterday lemme run and weigh myself rq. Ate a bunch of pizza at work yesterday and fast food today, but I’m only at 145.0 in my work clothes. So that means I’m at like 143 with food weight, which means if I really really want to push it I could get back into a fast and trim off a a pound or two before lake week in 11 days. Sounds like a whole lotta effort and I’m not really feeling that much these days though. Looking super great, that’s what’s really important lol. Idk I kinda like fasting or at least dieting a little bit before I go somewhere I know I’m gonna be taking pics like mom’s or this because I always feel like I stuff myself and then I’ll take pictures like the one of me at thanksgiving that I’m embarassed by because of my tummy.

Whatever whatever, I’m looking great though, the point is I’m not really concerned as much anymore. Possibly a reflection of the change of scenery, maybe because I hit my goal and am satisfied, maybe it’s because I’m hopping on tinder again and a solid handful of girls are blowing me up, who knows. But that’s that.

Other part of the status update, yesterday... well. day before yesterday? Yeah I guess. Cinco de mayo was my randomly self declared last pack of cigarettes. See what had happened was I realized I wasn’t all that stressed out anymore about the moving thing now that things have been going so well, and my boss calls me in to stay late after work and have a meeting with him. He says I fucked up and didn’t respond to my patient quickly enough and was smelling like smoke and said that I could get fired and yadda yadda yadda irresponsible and shit. So i’m like yeah fine sure that makes sense, I don’t want people to die while I’m out taking a smoke break. I’m past the days of calling semi-reasonable-but-hypocritical shit bullshit to my boss’s face so I ate that shit up with a smile and decided that if I couldn’t smoke at my new job [still same old job, still just new location] then fuckit it’s not worth my time. I don’t need to be craving for it since i can’t do it. So I went to the store immediately afterward and meant to buy what I decided was going to be my last pack of cigarettes. The clerk wasn’t there for like 5 minutes me and some guy were laughing about him being asleep on the toilet or some shit, so I decided to just say fuckit and I swiped the pack instead of just deciding I didn’t need it lmao. Wrote a nice little greentext story to one of my group chats about how cigarettes make you a bad person but I’m not gonna copy it over too lazy. Anyway, I was straight chugging cigs with people that day. Had to balance my high out lmao  I was smoking all day with spencer and davis, played some ssx tricky [sucked balls. still hate ps2], did really meh at the tournament but had fun playing dubz with spencer. Kinda sad I didn’t hard carry him so that he wouldn’t hate dubz anymore but whatever. Had a nice little crew come over after and got to hang out with christian and michael for the first time in a long time. Might not see christian again now that he’s graduated. that shit’s so weird. Railed him in dubz with dylan for a long time too hahaha fuck that might be the last time I do that, too. Team This House went undefeated for like 30 games that night, we kicked some ass. Even if it’s not true I believe it now hahaha.

But yeah, so that’s the biggest status update of all. I was talking to Darlin and Mom about my living situation with Ashleigh and how great it was and they were asking me about my plans to move out. I was like damn, I hadn’t even thought about it. So I told them I wanted to try to be out by the end of the month and we’re gonna try to roll with that. Gonna see if they find a roommate and when they do I’m gonna get a storage unit, get my shit out of there and stop paying rent. Which is neat, I can throw that money to Ashleigh or my car or something. Pretty pumped to be a little more liquid tbh. 

I crashed in Ash’s bed this morning because she was laying on the couch when I got in, and I just laid there thinking “yknow it’s kind of strange that I’ve always felt more at home in someone else’s bed than my own.” I wonder if it’s completely true, even. My old high school bed was my mom’s, and even then I was always trying to have tons of people over to cuddle up with. Maybe That’s it, is when I’m alone in my own bed there’s no chance someone will get in with me on their own. I Was kinda hoping that ashleigh would want to jump into her bed with me too and we could just lay around together hahaha. Platonically, of course. I swear. I swear I swear. Not to you, random reader, but to myself. hahaha it’s super neat having a girl that’s just a friend, I feel like I haven’t had one of those in an eternity. Well I mean Irene I guess, but we’ve also never hung out alone. and there are plenty of friend’s gfs but that definitely doesn’t count.

Anyway so I’ll just transition out of that bit into describing life in greensboro I guess. I’ve only spent like two weeks here, Aaron called it a little staycation lol. The commute’s only like 24 mins, which is way better than the hour to or from raleigh. Ashleigh has a nice little one bedroom living room bathroom, and there’s a common area for the apartment with a kitchen and laundry. It’s honestly a little strange turning behind myself to lock the doors up, but I can jive with it. I mean Gboro is admittedly full of some jank. Not that any city isn’t.  A lot of my free time has been either laying around watching tv [should switch to tv and melee practice now that I’ve brought a setup over lol], or hanging out at will’s/chris’s/Geeksboro to play melee, or walking somewhere to get food, or eventually once Ash and Aaron get off work I’ll join them at bars for drinks. Those cuteys are so sweet, first of all, it seems like they really care about each other and I fucking love it. Also they constantly remind me of myself, which is weird, but I also love it. Like Aaron even knew how to play Gauntlet [which we played at boxcar for a while the other day], and that’s like one of the rarer Tyler traits. Also also I was out of sorts for a bit because they keep wanting to buy me drinks and shit all the time. At first I was like are they coddling me? are they trying to baby me? Am I a charity case? Am I just going to be an eternal bum? And I realized maybe. But then I realized more importantly they’re just doing what I would do and I fucking love it lmao. 

Like what really drove it home was the other night I went out on this netflix-n-chill date with this girl [more on that later], dropped her off, went out to meet Aaron. Ashleigh’s at home sick, so we’re drinking with our friends cory and... fk... matt? Gonna have to catch his name again I’m so fucking dumb. Anyway, Aaron buys us shots, i go out to smoke a cigarette, we were talking about drugs for a sec, he pops in and out and all of a sudden just tells me to hit up the bathroom and hands me ~a gram of coke hahahaha. For a second I was thinking “who the fuck Does that? I love this man.” and then I thought back to the last time Camille visited for New Years and the day me and her did molly I ended up giving a couple points to her brother for nothing and they were just flabbergasted at me. Gave them some excuse like “man, I don’t deal drugs” and just handed it to him hahaha. So I realized “oh yeah. *I* do that.” So then I realized that since they were both me they were perfect for each other and I’m really happy for them and now I kinda hope that Aaron turns into my slightly older brother figure that I get to bro out with all the time hahahaha.