#but taking control of the narrative of your identity is such a power move

[bandzboy]

i think whether or not you like ateez's music and concept you have admit that is pretty cool to see a group having their own identity and sticking to it and not really caring about what the masses want this industry is so saturated everyone does what everyone is doing because that's what brings them popularity and money and whatever else but having a group saying that 'this is our identity and music and we will stick to it' is quite huge nowadays and quite impressive to me that's why i just respect ateez so much, especially in that regard

[numberonetrashwitch]

Some observations about Baldurs Gate 3 that hit too close to home.

After another few runs i will probably just make an in-Depth Character Analysis for every character simply because they are good reflections of actual trauma-manifestations and how abuse can manifest in people. They are also so well written that it serves a narrative purpose to explore all the material that is out there about them. I am also personally cursed with actual medically-relevant levels of Empathy and Hyperfixation; so writing this helps me put a pin in it and move on.

But so far here are my highlights

(SPOILERS and obviously content warning bc these are deep)

before you ask; i have almost 300h in this game.

You have to convince Shadowheart to eat the Noblestalk. She actually stells you she rather get her memories back from Shar but when you hit the persuasion or intimidation (what the fuck) check to get her to eat it she'll tell you about her childhood friend. Not her name, not her parents but her best firend. Possibly because she has had a closer bond to that person after being abducted and indoctrinated. With her believing herself to be an orphan, she would've looked elsewhere for comfort and sought out her own family, this is why she falls hard and heavy for Shar and builds the backbone of her indoctrination. She is literally ripped out of her home & given a new identity to server her from all she has known. Religious indoctrination, Gaslighting, Abduction, being forced to let go of your personality are her main themes.

There is a scene out there floating around in which you see Astarions pespective of the night when he bites Tav for the first time, in his meditations he is confronted with the rules Cazador put on him, including that he can't eat intelligent creatures, can't be away from Cazador unless allowed to, has to obey every command and that they are should know that they are property. Which in turn means that Astarion literally didn't just have any autonomy, he was objectified (and not just through seductive/sexual measures) and that is really the crux to understanding why he doesn't believe in kindness, but rather shows self-serving behavior in most cases. Since we know that Astarion was extremely young for an elf before he died and became immortal (literally stopping the aging /maturing process) it is also very telling that Cazador constantly calls him brat, boy or other very juvanile names, refering to them as a family... well it is also the story of a very controlling parent. Themes of (Bodily) autonomy, infantilization ( & puer aeternus, forever-child), slavery, depersonalisation, corruption of life and torture to break someone.

Gale isn't just a guy hung up on his Ex, but also a victim of abuse. In this case a power imbalance none of us can fathom; She is described as being a jealous goddess and rules over the domain of mysteries and magic. So with Gale being a Wizard, she is literally his boss. He admits that he was foolish enough to aspire to be an equal to her, but she is so jealous that she tells him he can't really be worthy as long as he takes breath. She could just take his powers away and be done with it, that would be more than enough punishment for a guy who literally made Mystra and her domain his life's purpose, but she rather makes him do it himself. Add to that, that she literally only tells him this after years of self-isolation (after he put down so many wards that he could've blown up a whole army as he says if you click the right dialogue) to really fuck him up well. He also talks about death pretty much constantly, not surprising giving your situation, but he will tell you that he will kill himself at several points in the game, for instance after he comes clear about his nethrese orb. Themes of romantic abuse, power-imbalance, toxic work enviorment, self-isolating behavior, suicidal ideation

Wyll ... well from the looks of it he is the most well adjusted of all the companions (my opinion) but he has something that i'd describe as the "eldest daughter"-syndrome, more commonly known as parentification. This pattern usually occurs within single-household parents and is commonly described as a parent looking to their child for emotional or practical support, rather than providing it to their kid. We meet Ulder and see that he talks over Wyll a lot, not listening but expecting him to follow the standard he sets for him. That is also why Wyll repeats his fathers words like gospel (because this is what, in his mind, fullfills the expectations bestowed upon him) and why he loves fairytales / bard tales so much (because they are an ecapist view of the job he set out to do) Ulder literally exiled his teenage son because Wyll did the only thing he could to save an entire city, by sacrificing himself. Thats a lot to expect from a 17 year old - even more so, he doesn't stop with the heroics. He expects himself, as a human who hasn't even reached the age of 30 to hold up to mystical creatures such as Astarion or Karlach, or even Gale who is a accomplished Wizard. Themes of parentification, escapism, self-harming through putting himself in danger, chronic-self-sacrifice

In plain words; Gortash, Karlach's Idol sold her to a Devil. But add to that that she must have been pretty young when she was sold (late teens to early twenties possibly) and being that if you play as a Tiefling, you face a lot of predjudice she was likely forced into that position as well. Starstruck she was, with a juvenile naitivy that Gortash used. Appropriately, as he is the chosen of Bane the god of "tyrannical oppression, terror, and hate, known across Faerûn as the face of pure evil through malevolent despotism" (Source: Forgotten-Realms Wiki / Bane) So she pretty much was raised in a toxic enviorment, which forced her to become a killing-machine, first figuretively, then with the extraction of her heart, literally. Themes of slavery, oppression, misuse of trust, being taken advantage by a more powerful/older(?) person, being drafted.

Jaheira - to be honest, you need to know the lore of the previous baldurs gate games or just listen to her dialouge, ask her all the questions. She is a war-veteran against Bhaal, the good of ritual murder, and has a long history of fighting to achieve some sort of balance of power. She lost her husband and several close people all to this, or any other war, but due to her wisdom and strength people look to her for guidance. Themes of: Survivors Guilt.

Halsin - he is really closed off at first but then just casually hits you with "i was captured in the underdark and spent 3 years chained to a bedroom wall by a pair of drows who used me as they pleased". He is reprimanded by some of his druids for leaving the grove as soon as opportunity struck, just to get back and leave the next day, and if you talk to him about his position in the grove he is actually very forthcomming. He actively holds himself back; indulging in simple hobbies because he knows what lies within his heart. He is afraid of himself and his potential (canonnically he can't control his wildshape, which is very weird for an ARCH-druid) Themes of: impostor syndrome, avoidant-based self-harm, sexual opression, loss of control, emotional regulation.

Lae'zel is a very tragic case, and one that closely resembles the stories of Shadowheart and Karlach. Her entire existence is based upon a matriachial war society allowing her to live if she proves she can be of use and that in a culture which only values brutality, dominance & service. All of that culimating in her finding out that her oh-so-beloved Queen is actually just an imposter, and that everything she has lived for up to that point is merely political propaganda created to make her, and the rest of her entire species, willing pawns in a war that has no longer bearing on their survival alone, but is fought to justify Vlaakith's (the reigning monarchs) personal ambitions. Not only is she forced to reconcile that she is turned into the thing that controlled her kind for hundreds of years, that the only cure she knows of would kill her and then on top of that, that her hopes and dreams were lies and that she is now the Nr 1 enemy of the person she has served with all her being. themes of: oppression, propaganda, casual violence, objectification, child-warfare, eternal warfare

Minthara in short, her story is about being shamed for growing up in the same scenario that Lae'zel grew up in. Lolth, the god of the Lolth-sworn drows is a crazy queen who values scheming & backstabbing so much and is so volatile that you can't know what to expect of your deeds (and i mean it; there were people who were appraised by her for scheming against her, but also those who were killed. It's almost random.) She considers Lolth to be cruel and abandoned her for the Absolute, only to then be used and abused the same way Lae'zel has. Not with promises, but erasing her memory and exposing her perceived weakness. Themes of: casual violence, violent culture, her own ambition colliding with her desire to be safe, being a pawn in a larger game.

[andypantsx3]

andie can u give us some book recs?<33

Yes!! Although normally I think recs are best given in the context of your other tastes, because I find literary preferences to be a highly-individualized thing!! So without knowing what other books you love, idk how my recs will hold up.

But I will give you some of my personal recent faves!!

I have already talked at length about my favorite book of all time The Goblin Emperor, and I think I've already also recommended the Pink Carnation series to my fun silly regency romance lovers, so I will not go into depth on them here but those are easily my all time faves.

I forget if I have also already talked about Winter's Orbit so forgive me if this is repeat info for you!! But I absolutely loved this book.

SUMMARY: While the Iskat Empire has long dominated the system through treaties and political alliances, several planets, including Thea, have begun to chafe under Iskat's rule. When tragedy befalls Imperial Prince Taam, his Thean widower, Jainan, is rushed into an arranged marriage with Taam's cousin, the disreputable Kiem, in a bid to keep the rising hostilities between the two worlds under control. But when it comes to light that Prince Taam's death may not have been an accident, and that Jainan himself may be a suspect, the unlikely pair must overcome their misgivings and learn to trust one another as they navigate the perils of the Iskat court, try to solve a murder, and prevent an interplanetary war... all while dealing with their growing feelings for each other.

I really like the way Kiem's & Jainan's pictures of one another shift over the course of the narrative, and as you read them through one another's eyes you understand their unreliability in self-narration due to their own personal insecurities. And what I love is that they both strive to emulate the traits they grow to respect in one another and that becomes the key to defeating the forces working against them!! It's so masterfully done, very gentle and thoughtful, and I hope someday to write a book just like this.

As an aside the author also got their start on ao3 and has a tumblr account and you can really feel the love & respect for some of the fannish conventions in their work. Cannot recommend enough.

This is also so basic of me but I would be remiss if I did not also recommend Howl's Moving Castle which I recently reread. If you have seen the movie but not read the book, you are absolutely missing out because it's very much its own unique experience with several divergences from the plot of the movie. Sophie's perspective is hilarious, it's such a fond send up of men in general, and I love the extra argumentative element to Howl & Sophie's relationship we get to see here; I feel it adds way more depth to their characters and relationship and you will totally eat it up.

I also read The House Witch recently and would definitely recommend to fantasy fans who are in the mood for something wholesome and cozy!!

SUMMARY: When Finlay Ashowan joins the staff of the King and Queen of Daxaria, he’s an enigma. No one knows where he comes from or how he came to be where he is, which suits Fin just fine. He’s satisfied simply serving as the royal cook, keeping nosy passersby out of his kitchen, and concocting some truly uncanny meals. But Fin’s secret identity doesn’t stay hidden for long. After all, it’s not every day a house witch and his kitten familiar, Kraken, take to meddling in imperial affairs. As his powers are gradually discovered by the court, Fin finds himself involved in a slew of intrigues: going head-to-head with knights with less-than-chivalrous intentions, helping to protect the pregnant queen, fending off the ire of the royal mage, and uncovering a spy in the castle. And that’s only the beginning—because Fin’s past is catching up with him just as his love life is getting complicated . . .

It is not the most tightly-buttoned narrative, I think because there are several more books in the series that I haven't read yet, so there are lingering threads of an overarching plot I've not seen sewn together yet. But it's an extremely easy and accessible read and I again really loved the respect and admiration the characters grow for each other, even as they resist their feelings for one another.

This rec in particular though I can see people disagreeing with me on, as some of the humor is like kind of immature and you can tell the author is inexperienced and/or the editing team did not quite do their jobs as some of the ending felt forced or cobbled together. But overall I really did like this book, I thought the gems of a really compelling story shone through the little dirt there was lol.

I also cannot recommend most of Naomi Novik's work enough either. In particular I would recommend Spinning Silver (Uprooted too but that's wildly more popular and you might have already read it!!).

SUMMARY: Miryem is the daughter and granddaughter of moneylenders, but her father's inability to collect his debts has left his family on the edge of poverty--until Miryem takes matters into her own hands. Hardening her heart, the young woman sets out to claim what is owed and soon gains a reputation for being able to turn silver into gold. When an ill-advised boast draws the attention of the king of the Staryk--grim fey creatures who seem more ice than flesh--Miryem's fate, and that of two kingdoms, will be forever altered. Set an impossible challenge by the nameless king, Miryem unwittingly spins a web that draws in a peasant girl, Wanda, and the unhappy daughter of a local lord who plots to wed his child to the dashing young tsar. But Tsar Mirnatius is not what he seems. And the secret he hides threatens to consume the lands of humans and Staryk alike. Torn between deadly choices, Miryem and her two unlikely allies embark on a desperate quest that will take them to the limits of sacrifice, power, and love. Channeling the vibrant heart of myth and fairy tale, Spinning Silver weaves a multilayered, magical tapestry that readers will want to return to again and again.

Her prose is always immaculate, vividly descriptive but succinct enough to keep the story going at a driving pace. She always writes like the most compelling female POV characters, to me; driven and complex without falling into the trap of being ~so special uwu~ or ~angry murder girlie >:(~ which I feel so many authors end up flattening their FPOV characters into!! She is absolutely masterful at taking common ideas/tropes and turning them on their heads/fleshing them out in unique and interesting ways.

Lastly, I have also been reading through a bunch of MXTX's danmei series LOL. I haven't finished Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation so I can't quite give a coherent account yet but I have been enjoying it so far. What I can say is I like how conversational and silly her style is even while tackling gruesome and fairly problematic concepts, and I very much love the sweeping and single-minded focus the love interests always have on one another. She also is very good at writing unreliable narrators whose perspectives you don't really understand are unreliable until the end of the narrative, and it makes you fonder of them for all their self-doubt and strength in the face of hardships they try to downplay.

[thatwitchrevan]

having just rewatched Mean Girls my current interpretation of Janis is that she's definitely queer but that the way Regina dropped her and spread the rumor about her being a lesbian and perpetuated homophobic ideas about her makes her insecure about openly claiming that identity.

like having your girl best friend assume you have a crush on her, drop you as a friend, and ban you from socializing with other girls because she thinks you're a pervert WOULD force you in the closet for most of high school, easily. Janis clearly took it really hard given that she dropped out of school for a while and how defensive she is whenever Damian tries to explain it.

And to me I think one of the crueler nuances of the whole thing is while she likely is queer, she was never interested in Regina, or not to a degree that would have threatened their relationship if Regina wasn't so terrible about it. The way she reacts to Cady sniping that Janis is in love with her, it's clear that she resents this idea because that's never what this was about, she just wants friends and to not be judged for just the idea that she likes girls. It would be horrible either way but there's this bitter irony to the fact that Regina was wrong, and by jumping to the conclusions and shutting Janis out she's put this major obstacle to Janis being able to actually explore this about herself.

I love her bit in the apology scene where she admits to everything (triumphantly) and jokes that she has a big, lesbian crush on Regina as a big 'fuck you' to her, not just because it's funny and because it's getting back at Regina, but also because this is the first time Janis has actually said the words outloud, even if it's a joke. She's taking back control of the narrative, she's stripping Regina of the power that rumor had over her, and she's a big step closer to having the confidence to be herself, however that pans out.

Obviously she does end the movie making out with Kevin G, and she seems very into him. I used to think that was cheap and annoying but now I see it less as comphet and more as her having the confidence to do whatever the fuck she wants at the moment. And it doesn't mean she's not queer or even not a lesbian - sexuality is fluid and she's at the very beginning of exploring that for herself.

Ultimately I think Janis has an inherently queer narrative about taking back control of your own image from other people trying to control and manipulate it, and how people's assumptions and judgement can prevent you from knowing yourself or even being comfortable in yourself. Janis projects an image of confidence and coolness but becomes agitated at any mention of her being gay, and her being able to work through that and move on from it is a really cool subplot and I like her a lot.

[delta-queerdrant]

how do you solve a problem like Chakotay? (Tattoo, s2 e9)

I have been away from this space for a number of boring reasons (including, to be transparent, cheating on Janeway with my space cop boyfriend Odo. Why do the good girls go for the lawful neutral boys?)

But also, Tattoo! Yikes on bikes! When I first realized I’d be reviewing this episode, I felt a powerful impulse to back away slowly, as if from wasps. My aversion came from a place of contempt for this episode, probably the low point of the imaginative failure that is Chakotay. At the same time, I was not sure what to do with my anger. It’s easy for white people to become a little too enamored with our own hot takes; I am ill-equipped to speak to the impact of a narrative that’s racist, anti-Indigenous storytelling all the way down.

I imagined I’d compile a reading list by Indigenous writers who could talk with authority about “Tattoo.” The reading list has become a comfortable rhetorical move for white cultural critics, a stay in our lane impulse. A reading list attempts to re-center marginalized voices, though it’s rarely a call to action (unless that action is read books). In this case, the reading list was elusive. I couldn’t find much non-paywalled content discussing this episode at length, with the exception of this illuminating review by comics artist Rob Schmidt. 

What does it mean to do low stakes cultural criticism on Tumblr dot com? If this is a quiet space for playful self-reflection about my Television Feelings, then I think we can agree that nobody particularly needs my thoughts on the impact of “Tattoo,” or the Kazon, or any of the other ill-conceived ways that Star Trek has handled race. I will continue to get mad about these artistic choices, but my anger is not load-bearing. You can’t build anything with it.

The best I can probably do here, and throughout these reviews, is to excavate the contours of my own relationship with science fiction. I think white people have quite a lot we need to say about whiteness, and our penchant for racist science fiction, and how we could perhaps redirect our creative impulses elsewhere. 

To summarize the episode - Chakotay visits a Delta Quadrant moon and recognizes a symbol that reminds him of a childhood visit to his people’s ancestral home on Earth. As a young man, nonconformist Chakotay wasn’t much interested in his ancestors’ traditional lifeways, and even now, he’s agnostic about some of their religious beliefs. Nearby, a planet has flora and fauna similar to the Earth rainforest Chakotay remembers visiting. When he’s separated from the away team, he encounters aliens who can “control the elements of nature” and seem to share his tribe’s culture.

In a block of decidedly clunky exposition, we learn that these aliens visited hunter-gatherers on Earth millennia ago. The early humans are described as having “no spoken language, no culture, except the use of fire and stone weapons.” Okay then! The aliens gave them “an inheritance, a genetic bonding so they might thrive and protect your world.” The genes motivated the hunter gatherers to travel to the Americas, where they passed down memories of the aliens, who became key figures in Chakotay’s people’s religion. Chakotay now understands himself, his father, and the aliens as people called to “honor the land” and defend it.

(Meanwhile, the Doctor programs himself to experience a respiratory illness and proceeds to have what I believe is known in the vernacular as a “man-flu.” It’s very silly.)

If “Tattoo” was well received, I think it was because of the emotional heft of this episode, which figures Chakotay as the diaspora kid who rediscovers his roots and connects with his father’s memory. I would have liked an episode that fully explored what it means to be Indigenous and diasporic, and how Chakotay’s identity informed his decision to join the Maquis.

This is not really the episode we got. Instead “Tattoo,” in the vein of white supremacist conspiracy theory tome Chariot of the Gods, imagines that Indigenous people are magical space boys whose religion and culture are gifts from aliens. Now, Captain Planet-like, they have been tasked to protect their homelands, conveniently letting the rest of us off the hook. 

“Tattoo” erases the truth and specificity of Indigenous cultures and origins—of people who were and are energized by their own intelligence and agency, and who have actively maintained specific and rooted ways of being in the world despite 500 years of material and cultural genocide. It doesn’t help that the prehistory depicted in the episode is utterly confused. The ancestors described in this episode are apparently early humans, long before the migration into the Americas, but the timeline is so muddled that the episode resolves into a narrative of “Indigenous people require alien intervention in order to have a culture.”

I think “Tattoo” is really a white fantasy, because white people would like nothing better than to be magical racialized space boys. To be chosen, to be connected at once to a homeland and a cosmic other, satisfies a hunger born of our collective imaginations. White people don’t really care who built our sacred sites, if our culture heroes are exploded in favor of New Age nonsense, because our legitimacy as people with a history and a destiny is nevertheless secure. (Though there are probably limits to our popular embrace of the New Age - I can’t imagine a Star Trek where Jesus is the one receiving genetic messages from aliens.)

To complicate my analysis, I'll note that a white Jewish author wrote the teleplay for “Tattoo,” and in the episode’s Wikipedia page, Robert Beltran says “Tattoo” resonated with his experience of feeling disconnected from his Latino heritage. There is a story about diaspora here, however clumsily executed. As a person of Jewish ancestry, I’m not surprised that creators from diaspora communities turn to speculative fiction to recreate lost pasts for marginalized characters. It’s easy to lose your history, and this loss is compounded in a world where whiteness swallows difference.

Star Trek has always had a race problem. In my twenties, I began to learn about the antecedents of the science fiction and fantasy genres - adventure fiction and Westerns, genres steeped in ideologies of Rule Britannia and manifest destiny. If Star Trek was originally pitched as “Wagon Train to the Stars,” then perhaps the aliens have always been “Indians.” But Star Trek also has a progressive streak that has lent itself to diverse casting. What does it mean when the same universe contains allegories for minorities and real-world minorities?

I have to admit I'm a sucker for a good science fiction allegory. As a kid from a mixed-faith background, I loved watching Worf negotiate his Klingon ancestry and human upbringing. (I only realized as an adult that the Rozhenkos are Jewish coded!) I'm not saying that Worf is great or perfect representation of multicultural identity, but there is something about allegory that can powerfully voice our lived experiences. (The trans allegory in the recent Nimona film adaptation is an exceptional example of this.)

As best as I can tell, the trick to writing fictional "races" and real racialized characters is one and the same - handling the cultures you're depicting with care, eschewing biased stereotypes in favor of nuanced, complex, informed worldbuilding. The showrunners of Voyager did not exercise care.

I want a Star Trek in which the characters feel rooted in real cultures, whether they’re alien or human. I want Harry Kim to have a cultural identity, and I want Chakotay to belong to a real-world Indigenous community. If science fiction is about curiosity, then I want white writers and showrunners who are genuinely curious about the stories they don’t have the expertise to tell—and who are willing to give space to those who do.

1/5 prize Vulcan orchids.

[dirty-bosmer]

~Writerly Thumbprint Challenge~

Rules: look back on your work, both past and present, finished and unfinished. what are five (or more!) narrative elements, themes, topics or tropes that continuously pop up in your work?

Thanks to @thana-topsy for the tag! I was admittedly a bit intimidated by this one, but it was so illuminating. It's been a long time since I've taken a step back to evaluate my stories through a critical lens, and sometimes I forget what I've written 😅 I know a lot of people have already been tagged, so I'm tagging: @wispstalk @atypicalacademic @thequeenofthewinter @chennnington @rainpebble3 @justafoxhound @dumpsterhipster @skyrim-forever @sylvienerevarine @gilgamish @burningsilence

I'm a baby writer. Only two fics, both TES. Here is what I came up with:

1. An Inner Darkness, A Downward Spiral — Most of my OCs have a secret (sometimes not-so-secret) viscousness that's always simmering under the surface, threatening to ooze free. They're not necessarily mean, but they're not good people. They may not be evil, but they all do very bad things. Why? Because 1) thieving and necromancing and murder for hire are kinda fun in-game, and if our Hero is doing all of that while saving the world, it needs to be explained with something other than whimsy lol, and 2) I like the challenge of writing morally grey characters who are flawed and fucked up and unforgivable while simultaneously asking readers to root for them. I've found it quite difficult to make them likable and deserving of sympathy while not overlooking their wrongdoings or writing them inconsistently, but it makes for such interesting conflict.

2. The Pursuit of Knowledge — My protagonists and their close friends are mage-nerds because I am a nerd, and perhaps this is a case of it's easier to write what's close to home?? I love University settings and the looseness of the elder scrolls magic system. There is so much great lore to work with but in many cases it's not so rigid that you can't also twist it and grow it and shape it to your own desire. Knowledge is power as the Telvanni say. Most of my protagonists are not physically strong and rely on cunning and/or magic for defense. In that way, knowledge is the primary avenue by which they assert control over the world around them, which facilitates a lot of conversations surrounding the ethics of magical use cause well... given the way my OCs use it, it deserves to be questioned.

3. Identity — How does a character perceive themselves? How does this compare to what is perceived by those around them? I love exploring the discrepancies between these two and often write arcs that involve a character breaking through the facades they've constructed to conform to what is expected of them and/or shield themselves from the discomfort they feel in their own skin.

4. Loneliness, A Desperate Need for Love — I write characters who have been placed or place themselves on the fringes of society, yet long for acceptance and a place to belong. This leads to a lot of unhealthy and messy relationships, both familial, platonic, and romantic. Often times they hurt people they care about. They let others hurt them too, but it's okay as long as they're not alone, right? It's angst all the way to the top baby.

5. Romance is not the End Goal — Yeah, my work features ships. I'd say it's actually a huge part of the stories, but mostly because the relationships my characters are involved in "fail." People break up or they die tragically. They become incompatible and move on (sometimes lol). Maybe they endure, but romantic love is not the only kind nor the highest valued, and most importantly, I want to write characters whose self-worth is not tied up in whether they're loved by someone else.

Bonus is Awkard Bisexual Losers because all my OCs are cringe-fail and have no game.

This was such an informative exercise! I encourage everyone to take a stab at it. Please tag me if you do. I'm so excited to see what you come up with :))

[anadrenalineslut]

on my hunger games bullshit but to further my analysis of president snow, lets turn to Coin and why her arc mirrors snow so precisely as well as the symbolism of her being murdered right in front of snow and the others.

first, snow and coin are both power-hungry fascists. they do not give a fuck about the districts, they only want to be the one doling out punishment but Coin is just as arrogant in her own snake-like intelligence as Snow is that she makes a critical mistake just before her death. She confesses to Katniss that she was a pawn in her own mastermind strategy to take power from Snow not to end the games but to dole out her own form of justice against who she considered to be the ultimate "evil."

in this moment, we see the startling comparison to Snow in her belief that she could speak to the GIRL WHO WON HER REVOLUTION FOR HER like that and expect her to go along with these "punishment" games, as if she isnt all too aware of the official narrative of the CURRENT games SHE LOST HER SISTER to change, as if Coin didnt know she LOST HER SISTER FIGHTING FOR COIN, but Coin believed Katniss would cow in fear of her "leadership" over all 13 districts, believed Katniss would cow under her "cunning" strategy to win power for herself and believed Katniss would feel out-numbered by her superior wit and inteliigence to Katniss specifically. Thats why she invited the other victors, some of which she knew were angry enough to agree in the heat of moment with Coin, as a way to force Katniss to submit to her privately and then publically because Coin believed she was smart enough to control anyone, just like Snow did. Except unlike Snow, she differed in just one critical aspect.

Her hubris led her to lie to Katniss and everyone else around her because she believed nobody was smart enough to pick up on those lies. She believed that nobody could fool her, and that is when Katniss called her bluff by pretending to agree herself. if Coin was as smart as Snow, as smart as Katniss, she would have known right then and there that she had fucked up. not even Snow was presumptuous enough to believe he could lie to Katniss, no he KNEW he would have to be honest with her in order to get her to move even a little bit the way he wanted her and if Coin was even smarter than Snow, she would have realized that Katniss would never have let her get away with her identical plan to Snow.

The fact that she brought Katniss in front of her supporters, whom I fully believed she expected would protect her from Katniss because she thinks everyone is as image obssesed as she is, to kill Snow and then she stood right on top of him, the visual representation of being a bigger threat than Snow could ever be because at least Snow had fucking a moral code, and expected Katniss to do her bidding for her and usher in her reign of terror was absolutely brilliant of Collins tbh.

it shows us that the most dangerous move of all is the assumption that you are the smartest person to have ever existed, because other people are just as capable of lying to your face as boldly as you do. it shows us that even the most terrifying of villains can be taken down and stopped by another human killing them because ultimately their power is not innate. it is earned through fear, abuse, and terror and that is something that good humans can always overcome because we just fucking outnumber the villains.

the most powerful lesson from the hunger games is that we're all fucking human, every last one of us and we all have reasons to behave badly but at our core, we should try and be good because if we give in to our evil impulses, we will ALWAYS be outnumbered by the sheer amount of good that exists in the world.

[idkhowtopickausername]

🔥 the locked tomb?

I typed out an answer to this earlier today and then somehow deleted all of it and didn’t get around to retyping it until now 😅

I’ve actually been meaning to ask what your thoughts are about it (if you have any you care to share) since I know you finished it recently and I’m trying to sort out my own thoughts.

Putting a read more bc I’m very long-winded

Overall I definitely enjoyed it and I think it’s a very fun and creative story that gives you a lot to think about and I like how each book sort of tries something new in regards to narrative structure/perspective. It definitely doesn’t feel formulaic or predictable which I appreciate. I think it’s really interesting how the cavalier/necromancer system is it’s own fictional oppressive system that people get indoctrinated into and that is used as a tool for control by the empire, and how it connects to stuff like gender roles and class and various forms of exploitation but doesn’t replace or directly mimic any of those things. I think it also ties into a lot of themes about like identity and belonging and social coercion and bodily autonomy in relationship to trauma, and it really gives you a lot to think about and analyze, especially in relation to the very prevalent theme of religion/Christianity.

I think it’s really interesting how Gideon and Harrow’s relationship ties into those themes, and I’m very curious to see how it will play out and how the power imbalance and dynamic between them will be dealt with, since it’s intertwined with the social system they exist within and I think the dissolution of that system will be mirrored by whatever happens between them (I love romances like that where the relationship is tied to breaking out of certain social roles or systems that the characters exist within if you haven’t noticed lol). I wish people confronted that a bit more in fan content and didn’t just take for granted the idea of Gideon being super forgiving and self-sacrificing and Harrow being super guilt-ridden—I think that’s just one stage of what will hopefully be a much more complex and nuanced arc of development for their relationship. I also don’t think the perfect lyctorhood thing is going to be some magic fix either in their relationship or in the empire as a whole, I think a greater and more tangible confrontation of the brutality of the system and how it’s been internalized by the characters and integrated into society will be necessary, and things will need to be completely altered in a more fundamental way.

All that being said, there are a few things I don’t care for about the books. I didn’t really care for the meme references (sorry, they really took me out of it), and I don’t know how to say this without sounding corny but I thought that it’s approach to humor and describing the characters could sometimes be a bit unnecessarily judgemental and it kind of lacked a certain air of openness and compassion in its approach to storytelling that is usually an important characteristic of SFF I really love. I really like the ideas at play and I think it can be emotional and insightful but it’s overall philosophy/mode of storytelling doesn’t really resonate with me or move me as much as other stuff has, and at times the prose and descriptions felt a bit empty to me as a result. Also, while I liked the change of setting and pace in Nona the Ninth and I think it was definitely a good choice to focus more on Blood of Eden and the society of people who’ve been displaced by the empire, I wish those topics had been delved into a bit more and that storyline felt a bit lacking to me in ways that I can’t quite put my finger on. Anyway that was just a very long summary of all my thoughts, which honestly shift around a fair amount and I kind of go back and forth about how much I like various facets of the story. I’d be really curious to hear your thoughts (or anyone else’s) though because I think it’s a very interesting story to discuss.

[enneamage]

hi i dont know how to start this so im just going to get right into it

i never understood why twitter got so mad at this clip ever since i saw it live i actually thought i was more good than bad? that might sound crazy but the fact as a 16 year old cis guy got called a lesbian and didnt go "ew im not a LESBIAN!??!" and actually thought about it for a second.

i think thats perfectly normal at that age to wonder that to wonder about your sexual and gender identity. hell i did and i think if i never did that as a teen i would have never accepted the idea of me being a trans guy.

now this brings me to the point of this essay. i think if twitter didnt have a shit party over that clip he would be more comfortable expressing himself femininity and accepting his bisexuality.

sure he doesnt have a problem flirting with guys as we've seen but they've always been less "masc" than his whole "big man" persona i think he finds it easier to flirt with guys (with the exception of ranboo of course) if he views them as more fem or even as a women perhaps

im not one to truthing him being trans or clem being real but im not against it. this also isnt me truthing him as being trans. i think cis people expressing femininity and masculinity is so important male or female (femininity and masculinity are ALWAYS put as things that go inherently together, but for some reason theyre never put as things that compliment eachother but thats a whole different topic)

but what do i really know? i dont have an audience of 12 million on youtube and 7 miliion on twitch i cant imagine that many eyes on you just waiting to judge you on your every move

Anon I admire the drive but I’m afraid you’ve sent this to the person who authored the “Tommy being Bi won’t fix him” post, so I must stick to my convictions on this one.

(As an aside, for those who don’t know, meet Clementine!)

I was not directly around for The Lesbian Moment, but I think I heard the gunshots down the street. I think it’s hugely under-emphasised how everyone was on the back of a world-changing mass death event spread out over the course of at least two years around that time, and the way that it (reasonably, all things considered) affected the way people handled stress. People were very sensitised to a lot of things, and it doesn’t surprise me that this would be a case where zooming out from what the problem was ‘supposed to be about’ would reveal a massive soup of situational stressors looking for a fracturing point to express themselves.

As thousands of people were all suddenly shoved online to share the same spaces, the social processes involved with creating norms and group standards had tons of gas thrown on them. It was going to be messy no matter what, people were electing scapegoats left and right to set social standards about what was and wasn’t acceptable. This is grim but important context (Tw), lockdown was horrific for rates of at-home physical and sexual abuse. Being a woman online in general is a state of psychological warfare against an objectifying culture. I remember talk about how his audience was divided even then, a group of lesbians were like “hell yeah we can let Tommy join /nsrs” and then another group were not even remotely okay with that even as a joke.

People were sensitised to feeling invaded in a time where lockdown had personal agency down to record lows, especially for teenagers and children. In a world where you have next to no agency or personal control over your circumstances, having a say in dominant moral narratives and the accepted behavior of people skyrockets in value, because you’re constantly in other people’s power. People were profoundly invested in the few square inches of control that they could/did have, so they were deeply reactive with it. A lot of pandemic reactivity was the behavior of people who felt over-activated and cornered, so while it’s possible to critique the outrage and take it apart on the terms that it presented itself on, it’s important to understand it as part of a whole as well.

👏 ON TO THE GAY SHIT

I feel like what goes into Tommy flirting with each of the men he’s flirted with in the past has been a little bit different. Tubbo seemed like possessive best friend claiming mushed into a straight lens with a side of teasing (I like girls, I like Tubbo, Tubbo is girl.) Ranboo was a fascinating intersection of girlfriend sublimation and flirtation to raise his self-esteem, also a bit of an apology for the not-so-passive-aggression from when it looked like Ranboo had “stolen” Tubbo. I wasn’t around for TimeDeo, but fuck it, that counts too. I don’t think that the majority of his homosocial flirting was to make himself seem more masc, especially with Ranboo. (I’ll spare you examples but that particular stretch has some moments.)

Tommy had a ‘playing toughguy’ problem when he was younger, and it contributed to some of his worst habits in terms of what came out of his mouth. I would have attributed a lot of this to his environment, the influences that he related to both positively (edgy youtubers) and negatively (macho schoolmates.) He was very teenage boy, but even then he had an off-beat streak that I impressionistically related to as more femme, even when he was being abrasive. Ever since being forcibly civilised through Wilbur and the forces of the internet he’s had much less of that, but his femme streak has stayed in some form or another, just evolving to fit what’s needed of him at a given time.

The rate at which Tommy being a cishet man comes up as a genuine issue that people feel compelled to try and see resolved is interesting, even as someone who occasionally feels it myself. Like there’s got to be something to unpack in that dynamic, that whatever behavioral issue he’s experiencing at a given time feels tied to his identity as a cishet male and something that can be revised if he had the right personal revelations. The issue is, I just don’t think it’s true, or at least wouldn’t make the difference that some people would want it to make. Some of his problems could even be tied up in his Englishness, and that’s straight up incurable. It’s hard for me to imagine that having a sexuality related revelation would make that big of a difference in the grand scheme of… him as a person. He’s got a lot of moving parts.

I do feel some frustration on behalf Tommy in terms of being a target of essentialist thought. He’s not allowed to be as camp as he probably wants to be because it comes off as offensive to gay culture, and he’s not allowed to be overtly femme because people are strict about policing gender expression right now if a given person doesn’t take on a certain label that corresponds with it. He’s assumed to have the worst intentions if he isn’t directly part of a certain group, and he really is clumsy with things that he doesn’t understand so he can be better off sometimes keeping his hands inside his box, but it’s still kind of sad to see the roundabout way that these binaries re-enforce themselves with someone like him. At the same time, try not to mourn over ‘what could have been’, because it’s still a form of essentialism to think that having traits more commonly associated with non-cishet identity would solve his problem-of-the-week, and there’s no guarantee that’s the case.

[lati10proj24]

Am I Just Cleaning Supplies To You?

Back in 2015 on The View, Kelly Osbourne made the statement “And, if you kick every Latino out of this country, then who is going to be cleaning your toilet, Donald Trump?” It sparked outrage when it happened and even now has become viral on TikTok where users parody the audio. But has anyone taken the time to really think about what the statement alone really means? It takes the idea that (in this case immigrants) Latinos are in the U.S. for one purpose: to serve those in power by doing the “dirty” jobs. Kelly Osbourne has made it clear that her statement is not to belittle Latinos, it was rather to show that Trump should not deport Latino immigrants as they play a big role in jobs that Americans deem as unworthy. While that is a whole topic on its own, I can’t help but think: Is that how all Americans view Latinos?

Latinos in the Media

Of course not all Americans see Latinos this way, but one thing is certain, the media most definitely did. From the early 2000’s and even till now, you can find films and TV shows with a Latino character playing a role often portrayed working a labor job that typically serves a white middle class character. One example being Spanglish, the film released in 2004 tells a story of an immigrant Mexican mother and her daughter moving into a home of a well off white American family. But, of course she is living with them while working as housekeeper for the family, serving them and their children. Though the movie shares a heartwarming story of two families with different cultures, it still puts a Latina in the spotlight of doing an “undesirable” job. Another film that plays into this is Beverly Hills Chihuahua. One of the main characters, being Latino, is shown doing laborious work for a rich white woman. Once again, a Latino character serving an upper class white person. While movies like McFarland, USA exist, portraying Latinos as hard workers in a labor intensive job such as farming, it pushed the narrative further to Americans that Latinos in the U.S. are only here to work for others.

Why Does it Matter?

But why does this portrayal of Latinos matter? Well that's because it looks like modern day structures of power between white people and people of color. Especially since it relates to the hierarchical structures that occurred when Europeans colonized Latin America. Quijano is able to effectively illustrate this in his work, “Coloniality of Power, Eurocentrism, and Latin America”. Anibal Quijano discusses the effects of colonialism in Latin America and how it shaped the way we know it now. Quijano mainly goes over how the power of colonialism has affected Latin America culturally, economically, and politically. However, one of the key points Quijano spoke on was how racial identities were formed, eventually starting the power structure based on the race you were classified by Europeans. As Quijano demonstrates “The racial classification of the population and the early association of the new racial identities of the colonized with the forms of control of unpaid, unwaged labor developed among the Europeans the singular perception that paid labor was the whites’ privilege” (539, Quijano). In other words any race deemed “inferior” was forced to work for those in power, aka white Europeans. While in the present day everyone is entitled to minimum wage it still doesn’t change the power dynamic between the two groups, especially in the media. This is an example of the concept “coloniality of power” introduced by Quijano. This term highlights the lasting impact colonial powers have had on the economy, identities, hierarchies and much more. In this case, the lasting impact affected the portrayal of Latinos in the media when they absolutely can do more than just laborious jobs that serve those in power. 

Conclusion: Then What?

How the media chooses to represent Latinos in the media cannot be reversed but how they are perceived can and should. The media has likely played a role in influencing some Americans into thinking that this trope of Latinos working these kinds of jobs is true. And while it may be true to some extent it’s not what all Latinos do in the U.S.! And it is also not true that Latinos are always these types of jobs to serve white people in power. It’s important to recognize that this trope in the media is an outdated portrayal from the effects of colonialism.

[orszemgyorgy]

Empowering Your Life Through the Stories You Tell

The narratives that you choose to embrace and share with the world hold remarkable power. These stories are not merely anecdotes but the building blocks of your reality. They shape your identity, guide your actions, and determine the lens through which you perceive the world around you.

Consider the stories you tell about your past. They have the potential to either liberate you from past burdens or confine you within their grasp. The stories of triumph over adversity, of resilience in the face of challenges, these are the narratives that empower you to rise above your circumstances. On the other hand, tales of victimhood and defeat can keep you trapped in a cycle of negativity, preventing you from moving forward.

Equally impactful are the stories you weave about your present. How you frame your current experiences can greatly impact your emotional well-being. When you choose to focus on the positive aspects of your life, you invite peace and contentment. But if you constantly dwell on what's lacking or wrong, you invite stress and discontent.

Then there are the stories you project into the future. The visions you create of what lies ahead can either be a wellspring of motivation or a source of despair. When you paint a vivid picture of success and achievement, you propel yourself towards those goals. Conversely, if you indulge in tales of failure and hopelessness, you drain your own energy and enthusiasm.

Let's not forget the stories you tell about the people around you. Your perceptions of others are heavily influenced by the narratives you construct. When you choose to see the best in people, you foster love, understanding, and harmonious relationships. However, if you allow negative assumptions to shape your stories, you cultivate resentment and discord.

In moments when you feel off-balance, take a step back and analyze the narratives you're embracing. Ask yourself how you can shift your perspective to improve your perception of a situation. This self-awareness is where your power lies. By acknowledging your responsibility in crafting these narratives, you regain control over your own story.

By taking ownership of the stories you tell, you tap into the essence of being a powerful creator. You're not a passive bystander but an active participant in shaping your reality. This transformative shift in perspective can't be adequately described in words alone. It's a profound change that emanates from living in alignment with your true potential.

Remember, the stories you tell are more than words; they are the threads that weave the fabric of your existence. Choose them wisely, for they hold the key to unlocking your fullest potential and living a life that resonates with purpose and authenticity.

[dzpenumbra]

11/3/22

I'm still watching Dan Corrigan's video from today. It's nuts. Here, I'll link it, fuck it.

That should be at the time stamp. So I heard him say this while my phone was in my pocket while I was talking the cat litter out to the trash can. It was about him mentally prepping to hop on this massive 20 stair rail. Like, about how he mentally preps to do this.

Like it's about the psychology of overriding your survival instincts - guess what fuckers, that's anxiety, that's panic, that's PTSD, that's depression. He's talking about how you interact with your primal impulses, your primitive reptilian brain, the core of the brain near the brainstem. Your... wow, okay, feel like I'm getting a meta-unlock (aka piecing together all the shit I've learned about psychology and anatomy and stitching them together the best I can, connecting the dots). Your peripheral central nervous system is like everything your sensory nervous system throughout your body feeds to you. Sensations, smells nope actually not... basically just like physical sensations and muscle/organ control, right? I guess? And that's like... your entire body south of your neck. So.. right at the core of the brain the ways of thinking start blooming in complexity, right? Like... simple thoughts at first - like impulses, hunches, alarm systems. Like super basic intelligent organism thoughts - feed, fight, flee, friendly?, fuck. Just the basics. The shit that some people apparently just can't evolve past, I guess. And then from there out the thoughts start growing in complexity, adding in personal experience, opinions, identity, preference, narrative, shit like that. The human element, what really breaks us away from the animal pack. Possessions, personality, our story, our ego, our identity. What makes me Me, not Human #155,972,805,589. Our soul.

The hardest thoughts for the central nervous system, the front-brain (as I call it), the one in charge... to really regulate and control are the base animal instincts. Like "if I jump down that staircase, I'm going to hurt myself. It's like... 94% certainty." Sometimes it can express itself in a sentence, but when it's most powerful it's more like being possessed in a horror movie or something. Like you just can't move your leg. You freeze. Like sleep paralysis. And that one is fuckin spooky. I don't like freeze. Not at all. Not a fan, some people are cool with it, I am just like... I really don't like it. I'll take flee any day. I'll be a pussy, I'll run away from a guy with a knife, duh. I'll start bawling my eyes out and begging, I have no fucking shame about that. I fucking love life, I will sacrifice my dignity and humility for the ability to live another day and experience the wonder of nature, that's not even a question. I will never fight in that situation. I'm going so far out on a tangent here, I'm reeling myself back!

Okay I'm gonna explain what just happened, I'm pretty damn high, right? I'm sure that's a bit obvious... (self-consciousness expresses itself so bluntly) but I took my boxspring out from under my mattress and laid it against the wall on its side across the room from me. I wanted to sleep closer to the floor for Max so she didn't have to jump up and down, with her hips and all. And maybe to firm up the mattress a bit and try to help my hurting back. And Max just bolted up the boxspring all the way to the top, clawed at the top, then scratched her way back down. Like bolted up. She's 16. And that's the third time I've played with her today. She's a fuckin animal, man! This med is supposed to make her lethargic! I'm hoping this is the joint supplement and the hyperthyroidism med kicking in. It doesn't mean I'm stopping, of course. She's got a full course to do to level out hormone production, I understand that much. But I'm hoping it's a good sign. And it scared the living fuck out of me. While talking about panic situations. XD

I wanna keep going with this video! I just really wanted to paint a picture of what the panic instinct is, and how anxiety is sort of an extension of it, a peripheral cousin? I guess? But like... still the same part of the brain, I think. There's a mouse in the wall behind my head, or a chipmunk, I dunno. Welcome to my life. Nature is active this morning! So what they're discussing is how to get that fucker to take a back seat. Not just your insecurity about not looking cool while riding, not just your anxiety of maybe hanging up your trucks on coping in a minipipe, not just being afraid of catching your nose in a fast nosemanual. We're talking "if you jump down that, you could die. You could snap your neck and just fucking die." A gut feeling. How to override that. It makes me uncomfortable just thinking about it. But it's the kind of thing that will allow me to finally be free of the crushing, compelling grip of my fear. So let's watch a bit more and take notes, because if you're not some enlightened being or something, you probably need to work on this in some area of your life, too.

A - Build up adrenaline - build up excitement, brute force, power through it. Overrides your instinctual self-protective barriers by overpowering them with excitement, hype, enthusiasm? I don't know if that's the word. But it is not precise, it makes mistakes, it doesn't think clearly.

B - Focus and Mellow - analytic, slow, logical. Dismantles the inner barriers by reducing the need for them to be around. Calming the body, but also reassuring the mind by challenging evidence. Comparing the run-up to other run-ups. Breaking the trick into parts, so it doesn't look as big. It's just a rail, you're only like 2 feet off the ground at all times, just think of it as a long flatground rail, but its just tilted on an incline. Shit like that, maybe? They haven't talked about his mental process. Focus and Mellow is more present, more reactive, but much harder to just pull the trigger and hop on. Much harder. I think, at least.

That first attempt was fucking terrifying, but he kicked out at exactly the right time, like damn. I had to play it back and watch again, check it out. You can do , and . to go frame-by-frame in YouTube. You're welcome. Check out where he is when he bails the first try, like how far he has to go to the ground. So that's like 6 stairs, that are the width of like... twice that, because those stairs are like twice the length of normal stairs. So thats like... say one stair is one foot deep, these are like a foot and a half. So that's like 9 feet out and if the stairs are about 5", that's like 2.5 feet, plus the rail height is probably another 2-2.5 feet? So he's jumping down like almost his entire height and out one and a half times his height at that speed. That's just batshit nuts.

Now if you wanna see something cool, go frame by frame and watch what he does with his body. He has the clear training, but also presence of mind, to turn his back the direction he's going mid-air, brace impact briefly with his feet to soak some of the blow but shift his weight towards his ass to pad the fall, lands seated, and watch his hands. He pushes himself with the fall. He knows how smooth the cement is, it's an advantage to him. He has all day to get rid of that momentum, to dissipate that speed, he doesn't have to take the full blow of it all at once. Then his hands go behind him to steer and make sure he doesn't hit the table or chairs or anything. Which, of course, he does... But he hits with the side of his back and easily deflects. He's prepared.

His instincts have been trained to work for him. He's been in this situation before. Probably many times. Falling this way is not new to him, he has a plan. He knows how to do it safely. You can visually see it in the way his instincts move his body. Now play it back full speed, to remind yourself how fast this thought pattern is, and because of that, has to be instinct with basically... conscious thought supervision.

Jesus, at 20:38, he's literally talking about what I was saying earlier about the rail! Haha! I wonder if I overheard it earlier and rolled it back or if we really just came to the same logical conclusion? That's a trip!

Yep, and the next slo-mo attempt you can see he does the same fall-backward technique, but much later this time because he slid farther. Yeah I think his weight was too far backwards. He looks like he's just standing on his heel edge the whole time and when he gets to the end it's like... feels like it's begging to just slip out. Like he's too far in the backseat, so he bails when he knows the landing wasn't gonna work out. And hit another chair. XD Just move the damn tables!!!

Holy shit, that next one was nuts. That's what I was talking about slipping out. The smooth pavement is so fucking good for building and carrying speed, and for sliding out and not tearing your skin to shit when you bail. But it makes landing at high speed really scary. You can just oil slick out over nothing on reaaaal smooth stuff. I used to skate tennis courts in the rain when I was real young, like 14 or 15 and just powerslide for days. That's what happens when you land on low friction shit at speed, it's like landing on ice. So watch that landing again, it even looks like he's landing on an ice rink. And that time he might've been a little too far forward with his weight, compensating for the last try. Oh he said it was a crack, that makes sense and adds a whole other level of "oh shit" to the next try.

Another one too far back, I think, and the same bail. That's the bail I need to learn, for real. I better start practicing soon, I can practice it snowskating honestly and it would be really easy to carry over to skateboarding. Ding ding, we got a plan. Alright back to the video.

That's another thing, shit. So if you were just gapping the stairs, you would be losing momentum, right? Like... wind resistance and shit? Like you clearly need to be hauling ass, but you wont be landing the same speed as the grind or slide because they're actually gaining momentum as they ride the rail. That's a new thought for me, that's gotta make it so much scarier.

Wow. The make was insane. Fucking strangers walking by clapping, even they get how absolutely insane that was. FIRST THING HE SKATED THAT DAY. Oh good lord.

Dude, okay, hearing him talk about it, he's skated this rail before. That's insane. Like, he wasn't satisfied skating it once. Landing one trick on it. He came back. That's fucked. XD

No one understands that reference, Dan. XD I'm kidding, I've never been that deep into like knowing every video and every skater and all that. I know a bit, but it's not like... a goal of mine. Never really has been.

Well I guess this turned into "<me> Reacts To Today's Dan Corrigan Video", so thanks for watching with me. Be sure to like and subscribe! I learned a lot about psychology and skating physics, good habits to get into both mentally and physically. Remember that brute forcing through anxiety, panic, self-restriction is not the only method, and brute-force can be clumsy and prone to failures. Focus and Chill can be used to reduce self-defense mechanisms too, it just can take more preparation, take more time and patience, take a lot more faith and willpower, and be harder to pull the trigger and just leap when it's time to jump off the bungee jump platform. But Focus and Chill, I think, is a better choice and should be aimed for. Like, brute force should be reserved for urgency, I think. That shit can get addictive and is a bit self-abusive by nature. Like, brute forcing your own defense mechanisms down every day? You're dishing out the exertion to lower those mechanisms, and you're expending energy trying to keep the defenses up. You're overpowering yourself, but... you're overpowering yourself. You're beating up the person who's holding you back and keeping you safe, that person is you. You're beating yourself up, okay? So... just be chill. And when you're feeling unsafe, anxious, worried, nervous, terrified, doomed, anything in that hue of emotion... try to focus on gathering information and try to maintain focus to keep your thoughts clear. Be present. "Okay, what do we do, what are our options here." And come up with a plan that will do. Find something that the primal executives will at least hesitantly sign off on long enough to lower the force fields and let you give it a shot.

That's a great example of what skating can teach you. If you can overcome the insecurity of always comparing your abilities to others. If you can bypass that (I still struggle with it). And get to the meat and potatoes of what skating is. Standing on a board with wheels strapped to it, that you can slip out on at any moment, and just toodling around and having fun. Every moment skating is a potential injury. So is walking to the store. You're bipedal, that shit is not the safest form of locomotion, okay? You're only good at it because you practiced it. Babies suck at walking. So if you can be okay looking like a beginner because you are a beginner, then just get over it, wear the pads or whatever and start setting goals. "Today I want to ride on the board while it's moving", "Today I want to ride from this line in the parking lot to the next one", "Today I want to learn pushing", "Today I want to go down that hill". All progressive risks. All pushing the boundaries of what you feel comfortable doing. All requiring A or B from earlier to disarm your survival instincts and let you skate comfortably. Every step forward, every progression, leads to new opportunities, new barriers, and new levels of comfort. This is very visible in skating, it's really the core of skating, I think. It's a purely creative sport. You don't see a lot of skateboard races, though I'm sure people do it.

Can you apply this lesson that skating displays so clearly to... art? Yep. Get over "I can't draw that" and go try it 20 times. And ask questions about what you're doing wrong every time. And listen to the answers and try to understand them. You will improve. That's how it works. Same with an instrument. Play. Try. Listen to what you did, get a recap, take notes, make tweaks, try again. It's a very valuable life skill, it applies to everything really.

For me, I need to use it with social anxieties. And I'm struggling a lot because they were already very powerful, and they are just saturated with both past and recent trauma. So... once trauma and social anxiety mix, shit gets a bit rough for me. So productivity is nice, accomplishment is nice, things are going great work-wise right now. But I really need to make sure I make time for Calmness. Stillness. Peace. Focus. Meditation. I should start another mandala soon. And listen to music while doing it. Or at least a geometric design. And guess what. That's exactly where I'm at in the hoodie! I got the crow done today. It looks sick. I'm very happy with it. Next I'm going to do a geometric background under it... so... I have to figure out what I'm going to do. I was thinking several overlapping mandalas, like flowers kinda. I think it could work. But another part of me wants to do a uniform tessellation. Idk, I guess I'll do some sketches tomorrow or something. This hoodie is getting less and less stream-of-consciousness as I go along, and that's okay. I just need to keep momentum with it.

Oh, and I had a good idea for these clothes. I've been really worried about clothes fading... like the medium and the design fading over time with wear and tear and washing and stuff. Well... I mean... if I'm treating the rest of the process like tattoos, why the fuck am I not treating that part like tattoos? Tattoos fade. Like... duh... I think I should offer touch-ups. Just like I would for a tattoo. Like offer a deal on it, but still charge. And if you're a regular, like you have 3 pieces of clothing by me or something? Then I'll do it on the house. Or if it's a small simple piece, of course. But if I'm putting like 10+ hours or like multiple sessions into reinking your clothes... I mean I'm basically just drawing it like a 4th time... so... I'm sorry, I want to be cool, but I'm gonna have to charge for that. It's tedious work and the ink isn't free. But I think this could take a lot of the pressure off to get it perfect the first time, and reduce the pressure of absolute permanence too.

Super excited with how things are progressing. I still have to figure out calling this car guy and guess what. It's 8 in the fucking morning again.

I'm going to sleep.

[dream-thief-forever-amen]

So does anyone else sit around and wonder when they’re ever going to finish Arthdal Chronicles? It’s criminal they didn’t film it all at once, honestly. The writing team that brought us Six Flying Dragons? I mean… it was almost guaranteed to be a hit. That people don’t talk about it all the time baffles me.

A Korean drama that takes place in pre-history?! The novelty!

Witnessing the birth of civilization?

Of capitalism?

Of religions twisted to control and rule people rather than inspire harmony and spiritual connection?

The contrast between the various peoples - the different tribes, the cities… the ones wandering free in a borderless world contrasted against those who would claim ownership of land and people.

Ancient peoples wiped out - either by design or assimilation.

The last breathes of real magic hidden amongst imposters and frauds.

Politics, love, friendship, and loyalty pushing people through life as they search for meaning and find their places in the changing world.

Secrets identities. Twins. Dreams. Ambitions.

It was so original! So epic! So astonishingly complex and multilayered.

We were just starting to get into some serious dramatic peaks and major shifts in narratives when BAM - the door was slammed shut! An abrupt end. A to be continued?!

Seriously?!

Curse you, Netflix, do you not understand how South Korean tv works? They don’t drag things along for years like we do in America. They move on - they continue to grow - they shift casts and characters and genres frequently - that’s why they maintain such highly skilled actors and keep kicking ass with their dramas.

I’ve heard rumors they’ve finally started filming part two… but of course they’ve lost half the cast. So we’re all gonna have to pretend it’s not strange entirely new actors are taking over the roles halfway through.

Just when my girl was coming into her butt-kicking, heart-snatching (right out of your rib cages, boys!) true identity.

Just when my twins were gaining power.

Just when my high priestess was figuring out she could compete with a king if she played her mystic cards right.

Ya’ll, I’ve watched this show at least six times all the way through and it honestly gets better each viewing. This is some finely crafted storytelling with connecting threads you don’t even notice until round three.

I need Season 2!

I’ll settle for an entirely new cast at this point - I just want to know how the story ends!!!

[never-was-has-been]

Allow me to post Caitlin Johnstone's complete article verbatim:

"I talk about narrative all the time partly because narrative control is the source and foundation of the power of the US-centralized empire. The ability to control the way people think, act and vote with mass-scale psychological manipulation allows our rulers to dominate us more pervasively than we could ever be dominated by brute totalitarian force, which is why so much energy goes into keeping the people from controlling their own narratives. That's all the current mainstream panic about "disinformation" is, for example. If narrative control were fully decentralized, our rulers couldn't rule.

But I also focus on narrative because its consequences are so much more far-reaching than that.

The fascinating thing about paying attention to the way narrative differs from reality is that it doesn't just change your understanding of politics and power throughout the world: you start to notice that your whole life is dominated by narratives — not just about the world, but about you.

You start out getting curious if the narratives you've been fed about your country, your government, and global power dynamics are really true, and if you're sincere you start taking that curiosity to questions about narratives you've come to believe about your own life. Narratives about what's important, about what's real, about what's true, about what's helpful. Narratives about how you are, narratives about who you are. Narratives that were put in your head by teachers, preachers, friends and family, and narratives you made up yourself long ago and kept believing.

You start getting curious about the way your own life has been shaped by believed narrative, and you start to discover a whole reality underneath the matrix of stories which buzzes around in your consciousness. A reality that could not possibly be more different from your stories about it.

You start to discover that your entire framework for perceiving the world is based on believed stories which are not ultimately true and are generally very unhelpful for moving through life in a harmonious way. Stories about others. Stories about life. And stories about yourself.

That last one is the real kicker. Because it turns out that underneath the narrative matrix, what you are is more different from your mental stories about what you are than you could possibly imagine. And these misperceptions of identity shape your entire experience of reality. You start to see that this finite, separate "me" character your entire mental world has revolved around your whole life has no more reality to it than a fictional character in a storybook. After that illusion becomes clarified, life is no longer dominated by narrative.

To be clear, narrative in and of itself is not the problem; narrative in and of itself is a useful tool. "I went to the store" is a narrative. "Those berries are poisonous" is a narrative. "One should look both ways before crossing the street" is a narrative. The problem isn't narrative, the problem is that it dominates our experience instead of serving as a tool. The goal isn't to eliminate narrative but to put it in its proper place as a useful tool rather than the writer, director and star of the entire show of life. The problem isn't narrative but believed narrative, in the same way watching a horror movie causes no problems for you if you remain clear that it's just a movie. 

Look closer and you see through the stories about your nation, your government and your world. Look closer still and you see through your believed stories about life which lead you to think the way you think and act the way you act. Look even closer and you see through the stories about your actual fundamental nature.

The reason propaganda works is because human experience is so thoroughly dominated by mental stories that if you can control the dominant narratives, you can control humanity. The quest is not just to refute propaganda, but to cease having an experience that is dominated by narrative.

And of course all this is a narrative too. But it points to something real which can be clearly perceived in your own experience without narrative, in the same way you can see your hand in front of your face without having to tell any stories about it."

[googledocsdyke]

which individual angels are doing drag?  an investigation

anna is just trans. like drag and trans are not mutually exclusive but anna is very much trans and not doing drag. she falls into humanity, rebukes being an angel entirely, is literally reborn into a specific human gender and body which she did not previously have and is entirely “hers.” it’s so straightforwardly a transition metaphor she literally went on e got surgery moved to an entirely different continent and lived stealth. verdict: not drag

benjamin is not doing drag but he IS doing this fascinating thing where he allows his vessel to maintain like. a conscious self. that is gendered differently than he is. and they are in active conversation and have like a Relationship. within the world of the show this is just him not doing possession and staying in his chill angel nongender, but it is readable as a metaphor for like. trans dissociation. “he’s an angel his vessel is a woman” washing your hands clean of your gendered body and the way it’s read by the world and being like that’s NOT me that’s a separate thing entirely. it’s kinda hashtag born in the wrong body which i have big political problems with as a narrative but like it’s there. verdict: not drag

raphael despite being only one of two angels to switch gendered vessels is not doing drag because he is not doing gender, he is doing power. like most of the other angels he is using vessels as like an indifferent tool he literally just happens to take two (differently gendered) vessels instead of one. obviously the narrative is not as blasé about this as he is and there are some weird anxious transmisogynistic comments about it from dean and crowley (with their silly human genders) but nevertheless: not drag because raphael does not care about gender and performing. 

also, the fact that raphael and benjamin are 2/3rds of the Black angels on the entire show and are both gendered in a way that’s non-normative/flexible/fluid is really interesting in the context of what c. riley snorton calls the “fungibility” of Black gender which is “revisable within blackness as a condition of possibility” (fungible = “able to replace or be replaced by another identical item; mutually interchangeable”). obviously like all gender, the gendering, and drag or lack thereof, on the show is inextricable from race.

if raphael is doing not gender but power, then ishim is doing gender but not drag. like most of the male-vesseled angels are incidentally a man but ishim is a man in a way that’s VERY important to the story of lily sunder which is like specifically about the abuse and control he has/had over her and the way he engages with her as a woman. ishim does gender because it’s a convenient way to get to power in v disturbing ways. however: not drag

hannah actually is kind of doing drag! like part of this is just the fact that she keeps her incongruously feminine name while in her second vessel, but also with canonically gay cas who rejects her advances right before kshdjkfkds it’s like. she’s like Oh Fuck i need to consciously Do A Gender that is not “my own” rn. the wikipedia page for hannah’s unnamed second vessel refers to her with she/her pronouns even as she possesses “the man”. the show DELIBERATELY avoids gendering her in her second vessel which is so fucking funny. but like. hannah does problematic drag she’s a het woman drag king who hits on gay men when she’s dragged up and complains about there being too many gays on the drag circuit/the oppression she faces as a straight performer. fucking obsessed with her. verdict: drag

gabriel IS doing drag here’s my take. obviously by now we’re moving further from the text and closer into fun times. anyways the trickster is gabriel’s drag persona. like so much of drag is marked by a lack of self-seriousness and a willingness to lampoon both oneself and gender and literally just fuck around and produce elaborate constructs. gabriel never takes himself seriously, has an elaborate persona to fuck with people, creates absurd fantastical worlds with deeply exaggerated Roles for sam and dean and also a literal audience. also, short king. absolutely: drag

cas is doing drag until he transitions. like he gets close enough to humanity to have a particular kind of investment in the gendered form he’s doing, and though he’s not Performing Exaggerated Maleness in the way that dean and less so sam do, he kind of gets closer to understanding what gender signifies and caring about the (gendered) body he inhabits. obviously falling for dean is a big part of him starting to care about/do gender to a degree — desire binds him closer to gender, it’s all very andrea long chu “i have never been able to differentiate liking [men] from wanting to be like them.” anyways he kind of does drag for a bit until he eventually just transitions and becomes gay and trans at the same time. and has like. a very sincere but not exaggerated or performed relationship to like Oh this is my body and i have a gender and i live here. verdict: drag, until it’s not

bonus round: miriam is doing drag because i like her

official drag count: 2.5

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

Pana. I have the theory that AfO wants Yoichi 's vestiges to live inside Tomura's body. That why they look so alike. It is a weird theory and i have to think more about it, but it felt like a revelation. That's why he wants ofa so bad, is not about the power. Is about the ghost. 😲😲😲😲

It's funny because the one person who is delusional and living on a fictional world of his own is AFO.

He wants to control the world and he wants to control his brother, he wants everything to be exactly as he planned. You know how some people can get obsessed with controlling everything because they are very insecure? Yeah, it doesn't make AFO happy to see Yoichi defying his orders, because that means he can't achieve the perfect scenario in his mind.

We know that AFO wants to make Yoichi watch how he wins. And we know that for AFO, there's nothing else aside his fight with Yoichi. All the other people, all the other users, they are just toys to play with, pieces to move. AFO thinks he's some sort of narrator, sitting on his big chair, doing his interventions whenever the plot needs to go back on track, moving strings...

So you're not so wrong. AFO has in his mind all the vestiges of the people he stole quirks from. By taking OFA, he would also get all the vestiges from that quirk, including Nana, Deku, All Might and Yoichi. That's perfect because he can make them witness his supremacy.

And like you said, it's not only about the power. Because like serial killers, AFO is a drama queen. For him it's not worth the achievement if people is not there to see it, to see him winning, etc.

Now, as to why Tomura is the perfect vessel or user for AFO, there are many aspects. For example, Tomura is directly related to the OFA and AFO fight because he is Nana's grandson. He looks very much like Yoichi, like you said. He is also a very protagonist like boy, because he's in fact hero coded. Tragic pasts, wanted to do some good, lost everything, tries to make some justice, etc. What AFO did was taken a perfect hero-to-be and twisted him into being the "biggest villain", because in AFO's story the heroes get corrupted, they give up or die.

Now, it's very clear that AFO is obsessed with his brother. BUT I've always think about how Tomura doesn't represent just Yoichi, but the Shigaraki brothers as a whole. Tomura has in himself the potential to be just like Yoichi or AFO, good or evil, do things right or wrong. That's why the narrative always had him kinda fighting to find his identity. Is he the kid who wanted to be a hero? The kid who murdered his family? The kid who created a home for a few outcasts? They kid that killed an entire city? The boy who loves his dog and dreams about the future? The boy who hates everyone and wants to be able to just thinking about the present?

The trick is: Most people in bnha have a future they want to protect or achieve. And those plans can blind them, because they are imposing their views into the world. It happened with All Might and Deku, with AFO and Re-Destro. Tomura had no plan for a future, he just care about the now, the immediate. And what is it? Well, the hero society needs to be over because is hurting people. The heroes need to change, people need to stop the cycle of violence, etc. Tomura is thinking about the urgent, about the current time, when many others live in a dream world or a distant future.

And even when Yoichi and Tomura are very alike, I think AFO is unable to see it as a whole because for him Tomura is just another kid. Yes, the perfect user, but he's a thing, a body to live in, but not a human. Even Yoichi was not completely human to AFO, because AFO only wanted the projection of a brother he made of Yoichi. It's like AFO is running a TV show and there are not actors, just manequins he can magically move.

Sorry for the long post. I love your theory and I think it has some interesting implications, but it also inspired me to create this other theory. I hope you don't mind. 👉🏼👈🏼😔