#but thankfully I don't think I'm a big enough blog for that

[keysmash-pizzaplex]

Venting here since it won't affect people.

Honestly it's super annoying to see people get pissed that Sun and Moon may combine if the poll ties. Like yes, the poll should've probably just had them as one character from the get go since we have a hard time picking between the 2 and they're one body anyway. But like, the person running that didn't really think of that? So combining them was a fun compromise/reward for accomplishing a difficult challenge like tying a poll and they shouldn't be getting shit bc other people's faves aren't winning like. Ugh.

Also! The poll is just for fun? Getting butthurt that the some characters are more popular than other characters is so fucking childish like. Dude we are voting on fictional robots. I'm sorry yours didn't win but like. Get over it. Make your own poll idc.

Especially since it's likely they'd win regardless of if one or both moved on just bc the dca fandom is really big rn since the game came out recently and a lot of us latched on to them. So acting like they're "teaming up" and will "definitely win now" is such a weak argument when it's very apparent that most people who like one dca like both. I mean Moon is a bit more popular but there's no way that Moon beats Puppet/Springtrap but Sun doesn't yknow?

Specifically there was one person that pissed me off by going on about how the puppet protects children and the dca kidnaps and kills them and called it like, hypocritical or something? And honestly fuck off. The dca cares about kids they're just controlled by Afton. Same reason the other glamrocks go haywire. Same reason every other animatronic in the game goes haywire tbh. The puppet murders people too, even if it's not children. Every robot in this series is a murderer so trying to take a moral high ground about that is dumb.

I dunno, just really got my hackles up. But it's pretty clear they were just lashing out bc they're salty their emotional support robot was gonna lose to my emotional support robots and I can understand being attached to characters. I just think bitching at the poll creator and whining in the tags is being a poor sport and an ass.

If you go looking for who I'm talking about don't fucking bother them, fictional robots aren't worth starting actual drama over. I blocked em bc I don't want to see them bitch about my blorbos and that should be the end of it.

This was way longer than intended oops. Guess it bothered me more than I thought lmao. Ah well, this is why we have readmores 😅

[russellsppttemplates]

Never letting you go (Max Verstappen)

There was nothing stopping you and Max now

Note: english is not my first language. This is the first Max big piece to sort of introduce their arc, let me know what you think! ✨️

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions Jos forbidding Max and reader of dating, curse words

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"What do you mean you're going to the Grand Prix?", you quirked your brow as your friend Cara sipped her coffee, "I thought you said you'd never be caught dead one of those", you chuckled.

"Matthew's company got a bunch of passes because they got a deal with one of the sponsors - I think? - I don't know much about it, all I know is that he brought three home because he thought you'd like to join us", she offered.

You never hid how much you enjoyed watching Formula One, even if watching it, especially in the last couple of years, often brought emotionally heavy memories back.

"That's nice, count me in! What type of passes are they?", you questioned, taking a bite from the cake on your plate.

"I don't know, he was talking all about them and I must admit I zoned out", she admitted, "but he said they were really good! He was very surprised at what the passes had, but his boss is very cheap so I don't know how great they actually are considering the possible comparison", she smiled as you nodded, "count me in, though. It's been a while since I stepped foot on one of them", you recalled.

The last race you attended was when Max was in Formula Three still. The paddock was so big and crowded with so many people, you doubted you'd bump into him. It wouldn't do you any good, would it?

"How did you get hospitality passes?", you gasped as Matthew handed you the lanyard, "they've invested a lot of money so I guess the sponsors didn't mind loosening the belt", he shrugged, putting his own around his neck after scanning it.

"Thank you for this, by the way", you flashed him a smile, "no worries, Y/N, the only way I could convince her to come was if you joined us, and I don't mind actually spending the weekend with someone who also knows a little about the sport", he chuckled as Cara laced her arms with her fiancé, "I'm glad he has you to talk to as well, there's only so much feigned interest I can muster up", she rolled her eyes.

Scuderia Alpha Tauri had been Toro Rosso, but despite the name change, as soon as you walked in, some faces were still familiar from the pictures you got sent from Max on gia first season with them.

"Why did you get interested in Formula One anyway?", Matthew asked you while you sipped on a latte, "I always loved the idea of the cars going very very fast, and then when I actually had the knowledge to understand how they worked, they really intrigued me", you offered, "I also had a friend who was very into it, so he also escalated my interest in it".

"He didn't pull you enough to work on motor sport though?", Matt wondered.

"I didn't enjoy the competitiveness of all of it", you admitted, "it's very strict, and if you want to be successful, it takes the good things away - your family, your friends", you opened your heart to him, thankfully noticing it and sorting the heartfelt confession seemingly about a job, "they travel a lot and they're really competitive that is, I'd never be able to do that for a job", you smiled, hoping you saved yourself from further questions.

"That's why you did mechanical engineering, then?", he asked, "for the most part, yes", you replied, "Oh, they're starting free practice", you smiled, looking over to the track from the balcony seats.

Sophie walked into the RedBull hospitality, looking for her family. Because it was Monaco, they felt safe enough to bring the Lio and Luka to the paddock, knowing they would be close to home in case things didn't go well as planned.

"Grandma!", the oldest boy called her from his spot on his father's lap, his brother sleeping on his mother's chest.

"Hey, my dears", she greeted, "You won't believe who I found on my way here", Sophie began, "I'm surprised Max didn't tell me he invited Y/N. It's a shame she isn't here with us, though", she commented.

The first indicator of surprise should be the way the blond woman looked at her mother, "what do you mean Y/N is here?", she whisper-yelled.

"I just saw her in the Alpha Tauri hospitality, I was walking with Helmut and he was headed there, that's when I noticed her. Max didn't tell you?", she quirked an eyebrow just as her son sat down next to them.

"What didn't I tell who?", Max spoke, setting his plate of food down on the table.

"Why didn't you tell us you invited Y/N for this weekend?", Victoria was the first to scold him, hitting his arm in a sisterly manner, "and in Alpha Tauri of all places? I'm sure they would've bent the rules a little and give you a pass so she could be a RedBull guest!".

Max thought he heard incorrectly. Y/N, his Y/N was in the paddock, in the sister team of the one he now drove for.

"I, I didn't offer her anything", Max said, his brother in-law looking at him weirdly as well, "I don't know how or why she is here, but I had nothing to do with it. We haven't spoken in a while", he mumbled. A while, three years, same thing, he supposes.

"Well, I just saw her. You should go say hi, I'm sure she would love to but she can't exactly find you where she is, it has to be the other way around", Sophie offered.

"What makes you believe she would?", Max questioned, both himself and his mother and sister.

"Because the way you never forgot her, she never forgot you", Victoria sterned, "don't you think she deserves your attention? She was in it for the long run, Max, and maybe she has moved on, maybe even has someone", the thought alone made Max loose his cool, "but she was your friend, the person you trusted most in the world and you let her slip".

"Don't sugar coat it, please", Max sarcastically replied.

"It's true, Max, and you know it", Sophie said, sensing her son didn't want to talk about the topic, but not allowing him to leave the table without a piece of her mind as well.

Max needed to put on his suit again, ready for qualifying, walking along the corridor until he found his door.

"Hey, before you go", Victoria called her brother as he was about to go into his driver's room, "Lio is really fussy, so we're just going back to your place, I'm sorry", she said.

"It's fine, whatever you feel the most comfortable with", he said, waving at his nephews and brother in-law.

"We will be supporting you from home, then", she said, kissing his cheek, "And Max? I know you're not used to it, but follow your heart", she smiled.

"Can I do that now?", he softly bit back, smiling and blushing at his words.

"What's stopping you?", Victoria said as she walked back to her family.

"Who is that?", Jos asked as Max asked him if he could invite you over for dinner before the season began.

The conversations with Toro Rosso were getting serious and the opportunity for a seat in Formula One was right there, up for him to grab if he worked enough.

"She's my friend, you know Y/N", Max tried to reason with his father.

"For this to work, Max, I think you need to distance yourself from home", Jos advised, ignoring his mention of you and carrying on with his lecture, "I'm talking no parties, no trips to come and see friends and family - I really think those are just getting in the way between you and the career you deserve".

The statement was clear, and Max knew better than to question it.

"I've spoken to your mother - she wasn't the biggest fan -, but you really need to focus on this", Jos reiterated, "no friends, much less girlfriends", he chuckled.

The dinner ended up being just Jos, Max and Victoria, the thought of having you there quickly erased in his head.

When Max met up with you before he left for the season, he was antsy. Just a week before, you had stolen innocent kisses from eachother's lips and revelled in the feeling of being in eachother's embrace without a care in the world. And it felt good, so good, like the piece that was missing in Max's life finally completed the puzzle.

"Hey", you greeted, kissing the corner of his lips and allowing him to pull you down to sit on the sofa.

"I spoke to my dad, I'm leaving in a few days", Max said, "there's some testing they want me to do still", he mumbled, lacing your fingers in his.

"And where do we end up?", you asked the million euro question. Truthfully, you entertained the thought. Even though being away from Max for most of the year would be a challenge, the love you felt for him was too big, too great for you to forgo that challenge. You were his and he would be yours.

"It's not going to work, Y/N. I need to focus on racing", he stated blankly despite how much it hurt him to utter those words out to you as the conversation with his father resonated with him.

"Max your focus is getting a Formula One seat", his father sterned, "do you know how hard it is? How much effort and work you have to put in? There can't be any distractions!"

"But Y/N isn't a distraction!", Max reasoned. If anything, you were the one keeping him humble and with both feet on the ground at all times. You cared for him, not because of his racing, who he was or who he could become, but because you loved eachother.

You'd never do anything to ruin his career, Max thought as he worked up the courage to tell you all of it. He couldn't get distracted, not now. He couldn't afford making mistakes because he had a girlfriend back at home waiting on him.

Your understanding, however, wasn't aligned with his expectations. He hoped you'd fight, at least, but you swalled your tears and nodded, "okay, Max. I hope you get your seat, you deserve it so much, I know it will happen".

Max put in on pole, leaving you to smile and snap a picture of the moment, wondering if you'd have the courage to send it to him.

"So, does this mean it's over?", Cara asked, "Because I could do with going home, actually", she nudged.

"Let's go, then!", you smiled, putting your phone in your bag and looking for the way out, ending up following the other guests into the paddock.

"Y/N, dear!", you heard someone call your name, and on cue, you looked for the voice despite the fact that it wad unlikely someone recognised you there.

Sophie didn't age, you thought, as you looked at the source of the voice that called you.

"I'm not going to hold you up, guys, you can go!", you smiled, waving at Matthew and Cara once you assured them you would be fine.

"I'm sorry, Sophie - they're my friends, and he was the one who got the passes from his office", you apologised for leaving her to wait a little for you.

"It's alright, dear. It's been so long since I've seen you", she nudged, "I'm sure Max would love to see you, too!", she jumped straight in.

"Would he, though?", you squinted your eyes.

"He would, Y/N", Sophie said earnestly, "I saw you this morning - at Alpha Tauri -, and he knows you're here", she smiled, "I'm assuming you're watching the race, too. Pay him a visit, okay?", she rubbed your shoulder and left a kiss on your cheek, "He's also my ride home, so I need to go look for him! Bye, Y/N!".

Race day meant rush everywhere, so you got to the paddock just in time before everyone rushed inside, finding the perfect spot to watch the race.

"I need to take this call, one second", you said to Cara, recognising Max's contact on your phone.

"Y/N, hi! I didn't think you'd pick up actually", you could hear the nervousness on his voice, "thanks for the picture, by the way, it was very... nice".

"It's no problem really, I thought it would be a good memory to keep", you smiled, "are you ready for the race? Or do you want me to give you a pep talk?", you chuckled. Back in the day, whenever he didn't feel too confident about a race, you had the power to help him out his head in the right place and bring his winning mentality to light.

"I'm fine, actually", he smiled, "I- I was wondering if you'd like to meet up later", he gulped, "I'd like to talk to you, but it's difficult until the race finishes, and then debriefs and media and all that".

"Sure, text me when you're done then", you stated boldly, "have a good race Max, you know I'm supporting you".

"Even if you're with Alpha Tauri?", he joked.

"I never stopped supporting you, it's not going to be a guest pass that's going to change it", you said as he bid you goodbye, ending the call and finding your friends.

When Max won, you clapped unashamedly as everyone else seemed to join you in your excitement, and after the race celebrations were done with, you waited patiently for the text to get to your phone.

"So you're staying back?", Cara asked, "I am, I'm meeting a friend", you explained. At her curious stare, you furthered, "do you remember the guy I told you about when you tried to set up that double date?", she nodded, "yes, the guy you were friends with, and when you both wanted to take a step forward, he had this big shot as his dream career and his father wouldn't allow him to date anyone", she said as she realized, "my goodness, he's here? Y/N, go for it!", she encouraged, "I know you still have feelings for him, who knows? Maybe this is your chance to reconnect", she rubbed your shoulder.

After you bid goodbye to Cara and Matthew, a text go through to your phone.

From: Max

Mum is waiting for you at the door :)

Approaching the hospitality, you quickly spotted Sophie, "c'mon in, dear! Max wanted me to get you myself, he was afraid no one would ler you in", she chuckled, guiding you through until you were in their dining area.

"Y/N!", Max beamed, setting down the crayons he was drawing with at the table with Luka and walking up to you.

"Hey everyone!", you waved at Victoria, putting a pin the two little boys' curious stares as they looked at you so you could hug Max.

"Congratulations, Max, I knew you could do it", you whispered into his skin, his arms hugging you so tightly against him.

"Thank you, Y/N", he spoke, "I missed you so much, I missed this so much", he squeezed you one more time before allowing you to greet the rest of his family.

"This is Tom, and that's Lio and Luka", Victoria said after she hugged you tighlty, "say hi, guys!", she encouraged as the two little copies of Max waved back at you.

"We're going to head home, it was great seeing you, Y/N!", Sophie announced, "I'm sure we'll see eachother a lot more from now on", Victoria complimented, helping her husband pack up the kids' belongings and toys so they could retire to Max's apartment.

"I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner sometime this week", he jumped straight forward, "I'm having dinner with the team today and then the rest of the grid want to go to the club, so I wouldn't be able to spend that much time with you, and I want to be able to just focus on you", he smiled.

"That's fine by me, I appreciate the thought", you smiled as he led you to one of the tables, asking one of the caffé staff for something to drink for the two of you.

“Listen, I think, I think we found each again for a reason", he began boldly, not sure if this was the way to go after not having spoken to you in a couple of years. Still, it wasn't a lie.

"Define found, considering we've been iving in the same city for nearly a year", you smiled, "although you don't spend much time here anyway, so I guess that's a nice enough excuse", you teased, your foot tapping his shin playfully under the table.

"So, Monaco, hm?", Max started, "I didn't expect you to live here out of all places", he nudged, wanting to know more about your move but afraid he was stepping in vulnerable territory.

"I did it because of my earnings for sure. I've got to save as much as I can on tax on the fortune I make as a female engineer", you sternly said as he looked the most surprised you'd ever seen him, "I'm joking - not all of us move to Monaco so our million euro salaries have better taxes", you teased.

"Why did you do it, then?", he asked, smiling at how familiar it all seemed. Just like old times, he thought.

"The company I work for was the one that needed the tax benefits", you clicked your tongue, "and they wanted people to move here. Only one of my colleagues moved here with her whole family, as they expected, so they ended up calling the ones that weren't attached to anything or anyone in particular, and I was one of them", you shrugged your shoulders, "I moved to a new country with a different language, the only people I knew were my work colleagues, so I had no one to complain about them to, but I make it work - at least I like to think I do", you smiled.

Not attached to anyone, he recalled, humming at your response, "it's not such a bad place to live, right? Granted I don't spend much time year, but still enough to appreciate it", Max spoke.

"How about you, Mr World Champion", you nudged, "how does it feel?".

"Obviously it's great, and everything that I worked for", he added, knowing the underlying topic in the conversation, "I get to drive fast cars and I travel the world, there's not much left for it to be the complete dream", he said, gingerly touching your fingers over the table and accepting your hold when you laced them together.

Conversation was flowing easily until one of the employees told Max that he would have to go and get ready for the dinner, meaning you would have to part ways.

"Does Tuesday work for you? I'm not sure how well I'll be tomorrow", he chuckled, "yes, that's fine by me, just text me the address and the time", you smiled, getting up and kissing his cheek, "have a good time, Max, but be careful with the alcohol, I'd hate to have to pick you up again", you reminded him of the time he got way too drunk and he insisted he would only go home if you came to pick him up.

.

Dinner was great and Max invited you back to his place, hoping you'd be able to talk properly about the elephant in the room in a more private and comfortable place.

"You're struggling there, aren't you? Even with your itty bitty small hands?", Max teased as your pinky just about stretched enough for you to not lose everything by dumping the contents of your bag on the sidewalk.

As you and Max left the restaurant, you fiddled with your wallet in your bag, hoping to keep the card the waiter gave you safe for the next time you wanted to visit the place.

"I do not have itty bitty small hands!", you argued, shaking your bag a little to make sure everything was safely in place.

"We need to have the same starting line - like", you rearranged them so your wrists would be touching. Still, it didn't make much of a difference on your end. It looked like it even highlighted a few more differences, "yours is much bigger, I give up", you giggled.

"See?", Max said as he held your hand out against his, "these are the size of fairy hands! Tinkerbell probably has bigger hands than yours!", he exclaimed as you noticed how much bigger his hand was compared to yours. His fingers were a little bit thicker than yours and his palm covered all of your hand almost completely.

Now or never, Max thought as he laced your fingers in his once you let your arms drop and rest by your side. His thumb rubbed your skin and warmed you up, "was this your plan all along?", you wondered, feeling the bravery around you two and choosing to act on it.

"Lacing my hand in yours or proving to you that my biggest mistake was letting you go all of those years ago?", Max stated as he looked deeply into your eyes.

"We should talk about this inside", you bit your lip, allowing him to guide you through the apartment complex he lived in.

His living room was decorated in classy tones, probably with the help of him mother and sister, as you sat down on the sofa and face eachother.

"I know I apologised at the time, but I'm still sorry, Y/N", Max said, "at the time it was the dream and I didn't have much room for my own decisions. Still, I should've fought", he concluded.

"You didn't blatantly acknowledge it and decided we couldn't be together, Max", you conforted despite the hurt you felt at the time, "it hurt, - like a bitch actually -, but not because you were following your dream. I never wanted to pull you back and get in the way of your achievements", you gulped, "but I would be lying if I said I wouldn't like to give this a go, to give us a chance", you smiled.

"I know I have crazy schedules - I am barely here during the season -, but you were always the one I thought about. When I first raced in F1, when I got my first podium, my first win, my bad races - I wanted you there", he admitted, blue eyes looking into yours, "I can't promise that it will be easy, but I'll never risk you or our relationship, that's non negotiable", he stated.

Moving closer to him, you cupped his cheek with your palm, the slight stubble tickling your skin, "I'm in, Max", you smiled, taking the plunge and kissing his mouth, lips moving in sync as his hands pulled you into his lap.

The blissful moment was interrupted by a meow, Jimmy and Sassy walking into the living room, "Oh, guys", Max held you close to him as the cats sniffled you, "this is Jimmy and Sassy, my cats, took then long enough to leave the guest bedroom", he smiled as you tried to pet them, "cute, they seem nice enough - for cats anyway".

[flowerandblood]

ONE YEAR OF FLOWER&BLOOD

✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙

Exactly one year ago I posted my first chapter of the My Best Friend series. Nowadays I think it's something awful and I don't even try to edit it because I'd have to write everything from scratch, but I've left it for people who feel attached to the story. I remember getting about six likes and one comment on the first day and that huuuuge interest made me eager to create chapter 2 and then all the others.

I remember the excitement with which I waited and then replied to comments, not believing that people were actually waiting for the next chapter. At the time I was literally not following anyone, which was good because I wasn't comparing myself to anyone.

Eventually I felt I was ready to try writing other series and a few were successful enough that I decided to stay here permanently and create because it made me happy. Up to that point, everyone had been very kind to me and I started following more and more blogs, wanting to feel part of the fandom, to make friends with everyone. Now I know that was the biggest mistake I made.

Seeing things that didn't interest me, fanfic's whose way of writing couldn't draw me in, I felt frustrated, while at the same time fearing that if I stopped following someone, that person would see it as an affront. At the same time, The Impossible Choice, my biggest project until The Fall from the Heavens (which I'm currently editing and re-editing, while inserting on AO3), began to be written.

Just when I thought I had reached the pinnacle of my abilities (which wasn't true), I also started to clash with anonymous hate messages, probably the worst of which were those vilifying me and my husband, and those regarding my one-shot with Micheal Gavey. I know now that taking it personally and getting involved was my big mistake, and the fandom was shaken by drama that got out of hand.

I was a few steps away from deleting my blog at the time, but my husband talked me out of the idea (thankfully, as my stories aren't saved anywhere else − I'm only now moving them to AO3).

That's when I first realised that some people here I don't even like, and they probably don't like me. I wondered, why are we following each other then? Why are we pretending to have any courtesy? It was only later that I realised that to be considered someone's friend, you have to reblog their work and preferably agree with them even when they write hurtful things.

Since I've depleted my circle of those I follow to about 20 people, since I've blocked dozens of people and tags, there's been blissful silence (with the exceptions of when I write about behaviour in the fandom that I find toxic and someone accuses me of causing drama, but I'm used to it now). I've also never written happier than I do now.

Ideas come to me on their own, I don't feel uptight about what other big people will think of me, whether they reblog it, approve of it or not. I don't give a shit and life is beautiful! Although I can be emotionally unstable, I'm only 70 people short of crossing the next milestone of 3,000 followers, and that's BIG for me. It amuses me that I keep getting messages that someone is going to block me or stop following me, and you guys keep coming. It's gratifying.

I'm going to keep writing for you guys, and I'm sure during season two you'll also see my posts describing my impressions after the episodes in which I hope to involve my husband. I'll also keep you updated here on how I'm doing with my book I'm creating in my private life.

Apreciation

@ewanmitchellcrumbs

Ange. I know that sometimes I'm fucked up, but I want you to know that you've made this place so much more bearable for me that I can't imagine it without you. What I appreciate most about you is that you can talk and discuss, that you always try to understand the other side, that you are empathetic, warm and kind. I feel that, like friends in everyday life, we can also tell each other about things we disagree about, and there are not many people like that here.

On top of that, you are very talented and your stories are always a pleasure to read, even when they are short, you are able to build the plot and atmosphere perfectly, something I have always admired. Thank you for every kind word and understanding.

I still remember your first message to me via ask, referring to the fact that I didn't want to write a pairing with a mermaid because someone else was writing about it at the same time. My heart melted then, it was so nice!

@targaryenrealnessdarling

Liz, Queen of Angst! Your calmness and composure puts me in awe. You're disgustingly talented when it comes to writing and you have a super-sweet personality. When you started following me I began to squirm with delight, and when you started reblogging my stuff? My goodness!!!

@persephonerinyes

You've been engaging and reblogging my stories for as long as I can remember. Always involved, your thoughts make me smile. Thank you for being with me for so long!

@zenka96

You've been here with me since the dawn of time. You know that I love you. Your support from the very beginning really makes me feel like I have a friend here.

@huramuna

I am so proud of you! I remember your asks when I wrote Glass Cuts Deepest, your illustrations for me and your uncertainty about whether you should start writing yourself. I'm so happy for you and that you are so successful! You deserved it.

@black-dread & @aegonx

You are my favourite gif makers. Your work always leaves me in awe, you are amazing! I know how much work you put into it and somehow you make even the worst lit scenes look wonderful!

@summerposie; @0eessirk8; @melsunshine; @immyowndefender; @bellaisasleep; @kckt88; @thedamewithabook; @happinessinthebeing; @queenofshinigamis; @travelingmypassion; @mefools; @fan-goddess; @toodlesxcuddles; @ammo23; @troublesomesnitch; @mariahossain; @out-of-life; @apothe-roses; @heavenhatesme; @whitearemydarkestnight; @liv-cole; @blackswxnn; @echos-muses; @watercolorskyy; @at-a-rax-ia; @tssf-imagines; @snh96; @hiatuswhore; @exitpursuedbyavulcan; @darylandbethfanforever9; @the-dendrophile-bookdragon; @opheliaas-stuff @zaldritzosrose

Your comments and reblogs make me want to keep writing. You make me laugh, you comfort me and you support me. I know I'm definitely forgetting someone, but I want you to know that I love everyone who comments on my stories and there is nothing better for me than responding to your reactions and questions! I have known some of you for so many months that I truly consider you my good friends!

lottie-blue-star; aveatquevale-; aemondtargaryenwifey marvelescvpe; alphard-hydraes-blog; herejusttostan; li0nn3stuff; alexandrawho; vilmakamunen; angelinap09; theloveablestargirl; rose-blue-19; xxxkat3xxx; flosaureum; mandiiblanche; librawh0re; jasminecosmic99; ivvypg; rojocarnation; killmanduh; tokkiiidoll; wolfdressedinlace; angelofvivianne; nina2697; starwarsgirlsimmer1; katsucker; ipostwhtifeel; aemondsdelight; ilswemoon; tigrigri; pasta-rask; roselibrary; lystargs; gemini-mama; nikstrange; tempo-rary-fix; coffeeobsessedtrencher; gwuinivyre; dreamerbythewayx; diiickbrainn; mothmankit

And everyone else I missed and whose icons I would recognize from afar. I know that you have been with me for many months, often in silence or communicating anonymously. Your silent support and presence is something wonderful for me, knowing that you have been with me for so long and read all my posts!

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!

[valyrfia]

I mean this the nicest way possible but have you considered the fact that you just .. hate RPF? Wich is fine, like you said it's a gray area. It's not everyone's cup of tea, actually! It's not even mine because I actually came across those trailers you said! And I instantly went "ew wtf" and I clicked not interested, and then I another showed up, and clicked not interested, and then the algorithm went ok got it, and it's been a while thankfully, that hasn't showed up. So, what I mean is, there is content in the internet that is weird, that's for sure, but there's like... Ways to avoid it? And the way that this has been a persistent subject in your blog in such a deep way makes me think that you suffer it more than anyone, wich is fine but just, don't look at it anymore? I don't know what to say honestly because, again no to be rude but youre making the MOST out of it. And it's like you're treating fandom culture like this deep dark secret when its as public as it can be and I promise you the most a person can do is feel weirded out and mute that content, and hope it doesn't show up.! But for example, I hate povs content, and that has to be the most persistent content I've seen so far on F1, full of "you're the wife/girl/sister" blah blah and I'm a lesbian, I've clicked not interested so many times I lost count and IT KEPT showing up (until i figured muting y/n, driver x reader helps) so if it keeps you more calm there are ways to avoid content you dont like!

I get where you’re going with this but also, nah. I’ve always loved RPF and will keep consuming it whenever I can. I just make a big stink out of seeing it outside of tumblr and ao3 because of algorithms and the way I was taught to interact with RPF about fifteen years ago in which….these things have to stay within their intended circles at all costs. This is back when fandom content was not cool and mainstream and unless you kept your fandom life and your actual life very separate you get bullied to hell for it. Now, I often feel like the pendulum has swung a little too far the other way and there’s such a massive influx of new people because fandom culture is trendy that fandom etiquette is starting to collapse. The treatment of RPF being one of them.

RPF differs from POV content in two ways. The first is that POV content is a little more accepted than RPF in the general consciousness, usually because it’s het but also because it’s very obvious this is a self insert fantasy which while I imagine is awkward for drivers to see, can be easily laughed off as being so obviously just a fantasy. RPF on the other hand builds off of pre-existing relationships and lore and is usually slash, which already introduces an awkward element (and you can say the men shouldn’t have toxic masculinity all you like, it’s not just them that’s the issue it’s everyone who perceives them and the content), also it’s more difficult because people DO talk about these pairings platonically. In order to not experience Lestappen on my tiktok FYP, I can’t interact with any video that mentions those two in the same breath ever because the algorithm will eventually push me ship content even if I don’t want to see it and I click not interested. This happens over and over again.

I love RPF which am just on super high alert about RPF safe spaces being breached because I know from lived experience that it doesn’t bode well. This is also just personally not the way I was taught to interact with fandom, and again I’ve seen enough shit in my time to understand why that etiquette had to be enforced.

[rubye402]

Happy Holidays to everyone! Huge shout out to @portal-secret-santa as always for being EXTREMELY patient with me as I fail to get my prompts again this year (We figured out WHY and shouldn't have problems anymore, but WOW it took a bit to figure it out.)

Anyways. My person is @radioproto ! A fellow Wheatley enjoyer! Sorry if this is too non specific, I looked through the blog but still had NO idea what to do aside from just an X Reader. I mean, I did include Fact just so you technically had both in one present...? So hopefully a present for you and the rest of the fellow Wheat kissers is good enough!

Also, here's an AO3 version!

Mistletoe Mayhap (Wheatley X GN!Reader)

Note: Does NOT include "Y/N" or talking for Reader, with minimal responses or descriptions for the sake of immersion.

Word Count: 1,213

“Sorry- You want to hang up a MISSILE?” Wheatley gawked. Well, as much as a core could, anyways. Fact sighed, optics pinching shut with a small clink of metal.

“MistleTOE, Wheatley. The plant?” He opened the lower plate, barely looking up to meet the blue optic of the fellow core.

“Plant? Mate, we have an entire tree! Threw lights and small little trinkets all over its branches, PLUS that star thing on top. Spacey was EXTREMELY excited on that one. WOULD NOT stop talking about it so I'm FAIRLY certain-” Wheatley paused when he heard one of the claws the cores were using to decorate picking up something, and Fact held up a plant book of some kind, page turned to a small bushel of plants. Two words stood out in the center of the page, indicating what the said plants were. "Holly" and "Mistletoe."

“These.” Fact spoke up.

“Ah.” Wheatley squinted, trying to stretch his optic slightly to see. He read the description of Mistletoe. “OK… "Scientifically called" blah blah blah… "More commonly called Mistletoe… Poisonous plant when consumed," that's grim for… "A holiday staple?" Really? "Traditionally hung up from the ceiling, and when two people are under it…"” Wheatley suddenly wheeled back on his railing, immediately feeling like his processor was heating up, and his fans whirred to life to cool him down.

“I figured you would like an excuse.” Fact set the book back and closed it as he just rolled his eye.

“An excuse for wot?”

“Kissing a certain test subject. You know who.” Fact looked over at Wheatley as he said that. The fans kicked up another notch. “I figured that if you weren't going to say something, out of whatever fears you have, that it would give you an excuse if they didn't reciprocate. Play it off as just a traditional thing and cut your losses.”

“Wh- Hey! Do you SERIOUSLY think they're going to reject me?!” Wheatley defended. Then thought about it a moment longer, handles faltering as he clarified. “...Would they actually, you think?”

“I never said that.” Fact glanced over as he grabbed a plant, assumedly the one in question, and handed it over to Wheatley. Doing so in an underhanded motion just so he didn't hold it above him and Wheatley. “I'm entirely neutral to whether or not you two work out, I was merely offering a way for you to try to find out if they DO like you, that gives you an easy out if they DON'T.”

“...Huh.” Was all Wheatley could muster. He looked at the plant… Then slid off on his railing to find somewhere to hang it.

It wasn't a big party. It was only two other cores, the two testing robots, GLaDOS, the companion cube as a VIP, and both Fact and Wheatley. Oh, but mostly some turrets facing away from the door and "talking" amongst themselves, and someone thankfully had the foresight to mark out where they'd not only be put, but where their eyesight ended. That was for the last guest. 

A certain test subject that had to equally watch their steps around the turrets, much like P-Body and Atlas, who were currently dancing to the holiday tunes newly coded into the radio, curtsy of GLaDOS, much like the fruitcake on the table. It was just a fake decoration since nobody could eat, but it was decoration for any other human Christmas party too, so it was fine.

Wheatley watched as they entered from his corner of the room. It was one end of the table that had the fake fruitcake, that wasn't near any of the turrets, GLaDOS was on the other end, and most importantly, had the mistletoe hanging on the ceiling above him. He just flexed his handle up and down as he nervously waited for them. Mercifully, it didn't take long for them to walk over to talk to him.

“Oh-Oh! Ello! Happy holidays, luv.” Wheatley's smile was obvious through his voice as he spoke. They regarded him with a grin and nod. “So uh, this might take you for a shock, you'll wanna hear this. Me and Fact over there, yeah? Pink optic guy? Decorated this whole space! By ourselves. Managed to set everything up! Well uh, not the fruitcake though. SHE did that one, not sure why though THAT'S decoration...” The test subject still looked around the room and did some small claps for him. “Hm-? Oh! Thank you! Glad you seem to like it then. That 's all… Accurate and things. Being honest, cards on the table, Fact definitely manages to gather up how to decorate this place properly like humans very well. Nicely done, all in a good day's work on his part. And-And myself of course. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I DO want to give myself SOME credit, y'know?”

Then they glanced up, spotting the plant. Here it goes…

“What's uh- What's that you spot?” Wheatley looked up, feigning surprise as best he could. “Ooooohhh… Look at that! That's that mistletoe thing, yeah? Isn't that rather-”

“...Wheatley, that's Holly.” Fact piped up, rolling over to them.

“Wot?” Wheatley turned to him.

“Holly has the pointed leaves and red berries. MISTLETOE has smooth leaves and white berries.”

“...Ah. I- hm. I seem to have gotten my plants mixed up.” He glanced over at the tester muffling a laugh. “Not! Y'know ENTIRELY my fault. I read up on this FAIRLY well, and in everything I saw they seemed PRET-TY sure the thing was spiky and-and RED. Very BRIGHT shade of red, might I add.”

“Fact: That is a bold face lie-”

“And here's a fact: YOU handed that plant to me.” He growled out.

“I thought the ONE BOOK I showed you said it was Holly.”

“There were TWO ENTRIES in the middle! How was I supposed to know which one was what?!”

“It DESCRIBED what the plant looked like!”

“Well! That's…! Good to know!” Wheatley huffed. Fact just groaned and rolled away.

“...So uh. Egg on my face, I guess. Yeah… Yeah I hung it up. Caught red handed, so to speak. Red handled, for me and my case I guess?” Wheatley dryly laughed, fans whirring more obviously as he lowered his railing down to them. “I uh… I guess what I was trying to do is… Not exactly a secret anymore. I uh, wouldn't exactly BLAME you if-if you don't want to. Especially seeing as it's not ACTUALLY mistletoe- Ah!”

Wheatley paused as the bottom panel of his optic got a kiss pressed up against it.

Oh. Oh they were anyways.

Wheatley took care that he actually stayed quiet. Kisses meant no talking, right? So he just, gently shut his eye, pressing his optic into it, to reciprocate as best he could. 

When it ended, he felt the world around him almost melting away as he just focused on them.

“Oh WOW. So uh. So that's a kiss. Yeah, I can see why humans like it so much, feels nice, makes you all warm. In a good way. VERY very good way. Not complaining one bit about that. In fact uh. Could I have another?”

With their nod, Wheatley shut his eye, and felt a now familiar press into said optic.

[redwoodcolony]

ive never heard of a clerc before, first thing that comes to mind is a store clerk lmao

Also you're lucky people for some reason arent getting mad at the leader and deputy age gap whenever I play clangen and get an age gap like that I'm yelled at by others to forcibly break them up or change their age in the code ☹️ wish I had your freedom lmaoooo

English isn't my first language so I thought clerc and cleric were basically the same thing because of DnD 😔

Also warning, big block of text incoming, I hope my English is good enough so you can understand everything !!

TW for talking about age gaps

I am very sorry you had such experiences. :( I am actually very anxious whenever I post as I fear I might get yelled at. Actually, posting this very post makes me anxious because I know talking about this subject can be very difficult. I actually rewrote his post like three times already😭

For now thankfully, everyone commenting on this blog has been very nice and kind :)

If it helps here is how I treat age gaps, maybe it can help you solve some of your issues with your public ?

I try my best to have the age gaps as small as possible, I only allow larger age gaps if the cats both meet as full grown adults (which is the case for Silversight and Spectralstar ! I actually have a little backstory post for the founders in preparation !)

I usually let the game do its own thing when it comes to couples, I mainly use my mediators to strenghten family bonds (mainly with adopted kits, because the game doesn't automatically strenghten these relationships)

If the cats are both colony-born, I will break the couple up if the age gap is equal or superior to 6 moons and the younger party is less than 30 moons old. Otherwise it makes me feel uncomfortable

I can make an exception for colony-born cats, as an example if the two cats only start being attracted to each other when the oldest is 90 moons old, and the youngest is 80 moons old ? It feels less weird to me, like they had time to experiment around with their feelings and everything before settling together you know ?

For a colony-born cat and an outsider, I can allow larger age gaps as long as the outsider joined when the colony-cat was already a full grown adult. I usually allow the game to make them an official couple when the younger party is at least 30 moons old. This means that Valleyfall x Oddspots is forbidden !!! It's just a one-sided crush on Oddspots side !

Generally I will ignore a lot of the romantic feelings the cats have for each others in-game if it makes me uncomfortable lol. You don't have to make everything that happens in-game canon in your comic if it makes you feel queasy !

These are just personal rules I give myself, otherwise I feel uncomfortable when playing and drawing my cats !

(The following part is just me rambling about canon Warrior Cats issues and how it influences Clangen and therefore most playthroughs of the game)

I think the age gap issue is due to the general canon Warrior Cats Clan setting, because if you do follow the classic Warrior Code™, you aren't allowed to take in domestic cats and loners; which means you can't add new blood, but it also means that all your cats know each other since birth. :((

In the canon books, it leads to weird ahh relationships like Thornclaw and Blossomfall, Onestar and Whitetail, Ashfur x Squirrelflight or even Brambleclaw x Squirrelflight (we often forget that both Ash and Bramble were warriors when Squirrel was born lol)

The one way the canon books found to remedy to this issue was to add a lot of useless background characters, so that they could reproduce more and regularly, giving a steady flow of new kittens of similar ages to ship with the main characters. This isn't really a good solution in the long run, seeing how incredibly big ThunderClan has become, but it's also not solving the big "everyone is related to each other" issue. :(((

That's why I decided to create the Colony instead of a Clan, so that I can change the rules, so I can integrate outsiders and domestic cats with no issue, introducing both new blood and characters who don't know everyone since they were born :)

I hope this helps you a bit ! :)

[foodfightnovelization]

My Foodfight! Collection: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Foodfight!

So here it is, here's my Foodfight! collection. Since I've been writing this blog for over a year now, I thought it was worth finally showing off all the merchandise I've collected during that time, as well as talking about the relationship I've developed with the movie over the course of my many posts. But first, the collection- from left to right, we have the Cinnamon Sleuth cereal box (yes it's fanmade but I still think it looks cool enough to be included), the Junior Novelization that started it all, a Daredevil Dan plush, a Dex Dogtective plush, a copy of the movie on DVD, the Deluxe Sound Storybook, a Polar Penguin Plush, and 18 inches of Cheazel T. Weasel.

The plush toys are especially interesting- I don't think I've really discussed this before, but they all have a tag on the back stating they're not to be sold at retail... I guess these were only intended for arcades and carnivals as prizes, which is where they ultimately ended up, but I've heard at least one person who worked on the movie claim these were being sold in stores as well. So... chalk that up to another unsolved mystery, even if it's not a particularly interesting one. If I had to guess, the Playmates action figures and more detailed plush toys I talked about a while ago were meant to sold in stores, but the deal fell through and somehow these cheaper Nanco plush toys ended up there instead, on top of arcades and carnivals as originally intended. Maybe Nanco just produced so much stock, anticipating the movie to be a big hit, then when it got delayed time and time again they had to sell them off however they could. I know these Nanco plush toys come in a BUNCH of different sizes- for instance, I have an 18 inch Cheazel, but there are smaller variants that show up on eBay every now and then. Speaking of Cheazel by the way...

About 10 years ago, a small child in Nebraska got stuck in a claw machine trying to win a Cheazel plush, with the incident even making the local news. You can read all about it in the above link- thankfully he was fine and nobody was injured, but it's just crazy to me that something Foodfight!-related was picked up by the news media and that there was a kid out there who wanted a Cheazel plush so bad he was willing to crawl into a machine for it. It's also a testament to how, after the movie came out, these plush toys were EVERYWHERE- there are so many stories of people finding them at local carnivals, and it's why a lot of them are still showing up on eBay to this day. I wonder if the Cheazel plush I have now is the same one this child tried to win many years ago...? Probably not, but it's certainly a possibility.

One more thing about the toys while I'm still on the topic- I know I've mentioned it before, but a bunch of concept art and prototype images for the Playmates plush toys and figures were found among the recently shared files from the Foodfight! tie-in game, and I just thought I'd share them here for anyone who hasn't seen them yet. While I love the idea of Dex Dogtective's Price Gun and the Daredevil Dan Crash N' Spin Plane, I've gotta say.... the plush toys we actually ended up with are WAY cuter. I know they're just prototypes, but look at how bulbous Cheazel's eyeballs are, it's just offputting. Granted, the character is equally if not more offputting in the actual movie, but when you compare it to the Nanco plush...

I mean just look at him, he's adorable!! How could you not like him, how could anybody like him? The tongue sticking out, the dopey expression on his face...he's just a rascal, a scamp, a mischief maker. I think in general the Nanco plush toys are by far the most visually appealing versions of the characters, partly because they're soft and huggable, but also because they all look really friendly and gentle in a way the designs never really did onscreen, even in the early footage.

Anyway, as for the rest of my collection, there's not a whole lot TO say about it that I haven't already said- I've already discussed the novelization and Deluxe Sound Storybook at length, I made the Cinnamon Sleuth box myself, and the only notable thing about the DVD is that one of the Chapter Select options takes you straight to the end credits. And so I instead wanted to take this time to talk about how Foodfight! has affected me over the past year.

When I first found the novelization on eBay, I just KNEW I had to write about it. Nobody else was talking about it, it was the only copy available for purchase anywhere, there was no other mention of it on the entire internet, and it seemed like no-one else even knew it existed. I was inspired by Ryan North's B To The F blog, in which he reviews the similarly obscure Back To The Future novelization, feeling this could be my very own "B To The F" moment. That kind of moment only comes along once in a lifetime, and so even though I was in the middle of an incredibly stressful move at the time, I bit the bullet and started my blog anyway. Ever since then... it's like Foodfight! exploded, all over the internet. A large part of that was of course thanks to Ziggy Cashmere's incredible work on ROTTEN: Behind The Foodfight, but it still made me feel like writing about the novelization opened a Pandora's Box of Foodfight! material across the world, or like I was living through an ARG designed just for me. I made a fangame, interviewed a cast member, I even got a speaking line in the aforementioned ROTTEN, and the more I wrote the more Foodfight! news seemed to come out. Every time I thought we'd found everything there was left to find, something new would come up and I'd be pulled right back into it. And through all that...god help me, I actually started to like Foodfight!.

To be clear, I still think it's a bad movie. As a matter of fact, it's one of the worst movies ever made. BUT...it's the greatest movie STORY ever told. Everything that went on behind the scenes, all the scrapped tie-in products, videogames, crazy anecdotes about the director, it all coalesces into something much greater than itself. In the same way, it felt like writing about Foodfight! allowed me to be a part of something greater than myself too. I got involved with a community of like-minded fans, was lucky enough to able to share previously lost media with the entire world, connected to the internet in a way I hadn't in years, and did something nobody else had done before and will likely never do again. Maybe THAT'S the real Foodfight!...no, I really mean it. When you dedicate enough time and passion towards something forgotten and obscure, it takes you on this special kind of journey that's hard to describe, but you come out the other end with this genuine appreciation for it you couldn't have found anywhere else. Like if you didn't care so much then maybe you would never have got it, but you did and so you you really DO understand. Like at the end of Be Kind Rewind, when Jerry and Mike can't save the video store but it doesn't matter because through making their movies they brought the community together and shared a story in the way only they could. Maybe that's what this was for me, sharing a story in a way only I could. To date, not a single other copy of the novelization has surfaced anywhere... it really does feel like it was my destiny to write about it. Even if I stop updating this blog someday, I'll never forget about everything I went through writing about Foodfight! The Junior Novelization...but for now, here's to another year.

[yakuzabrainrotlive]

Okay uhhh big 'thoughts and ramblings' dump for the entirety of chapter 1 and and very early chapter 2! Random tidbits and pondering Majima. I'll put Akiyama in a petri dish and study him in another post tomorrow, it's literally 00:35 as I'm writing this and I wanna be coherent for that one.

I'm sad they got rid of these adjectives before the item names. I got a "creepy tauriner" before this and it gave me a lil' giggle. What was done to it for it to be creepy? Who knows! It's a small thing, but it's a source of amusement for me.

I might be wrong, but... I get the feeling that this man has a widespread, dedicated and horny feral fanbase. Idk. Just a hunch.

I thought we were getting 'Ten years in the joint 2: electric boogaloo' for a second. Thankfully Hana (THE GOAT THE MVP THE LEGEND HERSELF) saved the day.

Also idk who this man is exactly but he's cute so I think he's gonna be nice and cool and I will love him. Maybe he's Akiyama's Date? He seems fun. I like the look in his eyes. I wanna trust him.

AW SHIT NOT AGA-

Oh. THANKS FOR THE REMINDER AND RE-BREAKING MY HEART I GUESS??? Nah but seriously. Did Nishiki really indirectly save this man from homelessness and help him rebuild? Incredible. RIP King.

ABOUT OTHER THINGS:

I did NOT miss the names "Shibata" and "Ueno" being thrown around. I've watched enough Y0 playthroughs to remember them. So... are we finally getting the backstory on the whole thing that cost Majima his eye? ARE GETTING THE SAEJIMA COMEBACK???

Okay I'm probably getting too hyped, they might give the backstory now and bring Saejima back in 5 or 6. He WILL be back, I feel it in my bones! they wouldn't foreshadow it in Y0 if not!! But like... no way they don't give us the tea now.

On the topic of Majima: KAMUROCHO HILLS IS BACK, BABY!! Good for Majima!! I wonder if it's actually Majima and co. featuring Google who's building it or if it's an actual team of pros working under the Majima family. I wouldn't mind seeing the Kiwami 2 design come back, I'm very fond of it🥺

It tickles my brain in a weird way that Majima has actually had more of a presence in the game than Kiryu this far and we're getting Shibata and Ueno stuff. Is this gonna be like... the Majima Game™? Do I dare hope?

I don't see how Kiryu would fit in the equation based on the story this far. But he's very much at the forefront or the cover art, so I'm certain he'll find his role in the game sooner or later. I have faith in the writers. It's just that this far his presence doesn't feel needed. But, then again, I'm in the EARLY-early game.

Also HANA DESERVES THE WORLD. She deserves a raise, she deserves a long vacation, she deserves praise, a healthy amount of sleep and all the good things in this world. We stan Hana in this blog.

[owlight]

"making cookies with my love"

Pair: Sanji x gn!s/o

AU: modern AU

Words count: 5k

Tags: Fluff ,Just sweet stuff, established relationship

Written for @onepiece-blorboexchange event , hey @tardiiart I'm your secret Santa! I hope you enjoy reading this,I tried my best fr🥺🙏 may u have a Happy December/holidays!

You're standing next to Sanji wearing an apron with 'don't touch,too hot' while sanji Is wearing an apron with 'kiss the chef' written on it,both of you have just finished baking the fourth patch of Gingerbread cookies,it was a long evening of stirring and mixing but it was so Worth it as Sanji seem the happiest when he is baking or cooking specially when you're both doing it together ,you remove the gingerbread reindeers out the tray

"I think we made enough reindeers cookies sanji" You stare as you put the gingerbread reindeers aside " I'm not sure ,Luffy is Bringing His brothers with him and he alone eat at least a tray " he mumble and you can't help but chuckles "I am sure they aren't as bad as Luffy! " you tell him with a chuckle as you start decorating the reindeers with melted white chocolate

you're more excited about making the gingerbread house than these reindeers but Sanji told you that would be after you both finished the gingerbread reindeers and gingerbread people First

" Nope they all are the same Believe me ,They are just more polite about it" he mumble as he moves from the oven to stand next to you,looking at the reindeers who look like they been run over kind of decoration "these...look... lively" he praise ,you look at the cookies with a proud smile

" yeah I know,you should see the gingerbread men ,I gave them your eyebrows" you state proudly and Sanji shake his head with a chuckle " here let me make you as well,we can put them near the gingerbread house when we make it" he suggest as he start decorating a cookie to look like you

you smile with excitement " yeah that sound nice to do.." you mumble as you continue decorating the gingerbread reindeers ,you don't notice that sanji had turned the oven off and removed the last trays out of it ,You hum your favorite song and Sanji hum with you in Harmony, it's a quite domestic moment for you both for sure..

~Time skip to after you both finished decorating the cookies~

You both started building the gingerbread house, each one of you start working on one to save time and perhaps because Sanji want to make one that he can show off to his followers on his cooking blog later

with carefulness as Sanji is trying to make it look Pinterest Worthy but You are trying to have fun with yours " Yo Sanji ,it's okay if you just had fun you know" you mumble as you put some rock chocolate on the side of the gingerbread house,Sanji hum as he looks at you with a questioning look " what do you mean love? I'm having fun " he state as he put the smallest deatil known to man kind on the side of the gingerbread house

"ah ha, that's why you didn't want us to make one big one together yes?" You pout and Sanji shake his head " no! Here you can help me with putting....The trees on the side?" He asks bit guilty and you sighs with a smile " would love to" you tell him as you put a tree cookie next to the gingerbread house that Sanji made "here let me add my touch to yours" he mumble as he kisses your cheek and add a red heart shaped chocolate on the front of the house ,you look at the add and snort " sappy " you tease and sanji hums "only for you my love" he says with a smile as you both continue putting together the gingerbread houses

Time passes and you finely finish the decorating of all the cookies related things ,you walk out the kitchen to the living room and you throw yourself at the couch "one task finished, thankfully,if you're done with taking pictures of your gingerbread house,come here and cuddle me ,I need my energy recharged by youuur love" you mumble tiredly as you stretch yourself on the couch ,Sanji chuckles at your dramatic self" I'm finished beloved,I hope you don't mind I took pictures of yours as well,and anything for you my love!" he chuckles as he walks into the living room with two mugs of Hot chocolate

" Here you go sweetheart, I'm here to recharge you all way up" Sanji tells you as he hand you a mug of hot chocolate,you sit and take the mug from him,Sanji sits next to you cuddling your side " feel recharged yet?" He asks as he kisses your cheek ,you smile warmly as you cuddle yourself into his side "might need bit more ,thank you for the hot chocolate baby" you thank Sanji as you sip from the hot drink ,Sanji blushes slightly " hm it's nothing Sweetie, anything for you" he tell you as he cuddle next you

You both cuddle each as you drink hot chocolate.. it's peaceful and such a good way to end a long evening of making cookies together..you can only hope that everyone will love the cookies when they come for the Christmas dinner later...But at least you got one thing off the things you both need to prepare for the dinner...

"Hey love ,have you started making Christmas cards?" Sanji break the silent as he asks you ,you hum " not really ,I gave up after making one truly, cutting the edges got on my nerves and I never realize how many people we know..till I had to make all these cards..I still have few to do" you sighs deeply

Sanji hum in understanding"would you like if I helped you with making them?" He asks you and you nod "that would be Lovely,but aren't you tired from all the baking?"Sanji shake his head "hardly my love , Beside the more work we finish doing ,the more free time we will have together later this week,come on , let's make these cards!" He state with determination,You chuckles as you put your cup on the coffee table "alright if you insist..."

And just like that ,the two of you started making Christmas cards for the rest of the evening, trying to make a meaningful card to each of your friends ,you had to stop Sanji from putting a dick on Zoro card...sighs,still a good way to end...you surely can't wait for the Christmas dinner....

[the0ldmann]

SDJ x DBD crossover

Writing below the cut.

The game "Something's Wrong with Sunny Day Jack" and the associated fandom are 18+ spaces. Minors and Ageless blogs will be blocked on sight- no second chances.

TW: Violence and mentions of death (DBD is a horror game after all...)

Another thing my brain was thinking about off n on. Maybe now that this is done, it can focus on part 2 again. That's been sitting at 2.7k words for a bit now and I'm not entirely sure how much longer it's going to end up being.

---

Your lungs ached from the effort of running. Looking back was not an option as you lept over a ledge, desperate to get as far away as possible from your hunter.

A shiver ran down your spine at the thought of him. The ease with which he picked up your friends and threw them onto those meat hooks terrified you. Since he was that strong, was there any use in trying to fight back?

Your brief yet panicked thoughts were interrupted as you stumbled right into a hooked comrade. They couldn't even focus on their surroundings long enough to notice your presence as they were too busy fighting off a spidery limb. Looking around for a second confirmed you had indeed escaped that technicolor brute and the coast was clear for helping. Carefully, you lifted them up and off the hook, and the limb gave up, dissolving back into the inky abyss that was supposed to be the sky.

"Thank you, I don't know if I could have held out much longer." It was Jeff that thanked you as the two of you crept off to the side. Thankfully there was a medkit by the nearby window and within seconds you had his wound patched up. At least, he was patched up as good as you could get him. Lack of medical knowledge was certainly a drawback, but you had been doing your best to pick up what you could from the others.

"We gotta look out for each other after all." Jeff nodded. It was rough out here. Who knew how many times you all had supposedly died. Plus some of the monsters lurking around these twisted playgrounds required intense teamwork to get around.

You shudder again as you hear the tell-tale windy groan that signified someone had been taken.

"We should get a move on if we wanna make it out of here."

"We can't leave the other one behind though, we have to help!"

"You know where they were hooked?" It took a second of thought, but you nodded.

"I think I can retrace my steps just fine."

"Good." The two of you started walking. "Chances are big guy's heading this way since you saved me- they all seem to have some weird supernatural sense for knowing when we've been helping each other. Coast should be clear enough for you to double back and help whoever is left off of their hook. Thank the stars he's not a camper like some of them. Better hurry though. I'll take care of that generator over there in the meantime- try to open us a way out of here."

Without another word the two of you part ways. As brief as your reunion had been, there was work to be done and dawdling would do no good for anyone. Especially for the poor girl you left when you ran for your life.

Admittedly, you being caught would have spelled the end of all of you, but you still felt a little bad about it. As skittish as you were approaching a more recently hooked comrade, you hurried along and found her quicker than you had expected. The spindly limbs hadn't even fully materialized yet before you were lifting her off the hook and dragging her away. Medkit in hand, you took a moment to use up what was left to patch her up.

"Thank you so much!" She was doing her best to whisper quietly, but she still was a little louder than planned with her enthusiasm. As you looked at her blonde hair, you seemed to recall her name was Kate.

"Gotta look out for each other, right?"

"Of course! I was working on a generator over there if you wanna come help?"

Before you could say another word she had already taken off. You tried to follow, but she was just too quick vaulting those windows and soon you were on your own. After stumbling around for a bit, lights came on in the distance in two separate spots. The three of you had started off getting one generator done before you got forcefully separated, so that meant there were only two left to start up. You hoped your hunter wouldn't be close by since he had clues elsewhere to follow.

As you crouched by a generator to start working on it, your thoughts began to wander.

It seemed odd, the whole situation. Like it was all some twisted game you were being forced to partake in. As much as you hated it, you enjoyed the fact it seemed that none of you ever truly died. You would like to think it was because something here cared- wanted to see you succeed. As time wore on, you questioned more if it just enjoyed seeing everyone get tortured over and over again.

Even the numerous killers you had to run from looked to be a little fucked up themselves. Only those more willing to kill looked like anything close to normal.

It made it difficult at times to tell who was and wasn't on your side, at least when there were new ones.

Which is why you were extra terrified of the big guy in charge of hunting you down now. He was big, wearing bright, primary colored clothing, had the bluest hair you'd ever seen, and the face paint he had on made him look kind of like a clown.

Hell, maybe he was a clown. He certainly looked like some kind of mascot or character from a kid show.

But how fucked up was he that he didn't appear to have been brutalized by the entity keeping everyone here?

You were just about done with the generator, but alas your distracting thoughts left you unaware of your surroundings and you screamed as a hand grabbed your shoulder and pulled you back. Flailing and wiggling as best you could, you just couldn't seem to shake out of his grip. Effortlessly he flung you over his shoulder, and you cursed your noodle-y limbs for being so much weaker than the average person.

Not that that kept you from trying to free yourself though. Terror and anticipation of the pain from those hooks kept you kicking for dear life. It was all you could think about.

Except that particular pain never came.

After what felt like an eternity, he threw you down onto something mildly soft and bouncy. As you laid there dazed he went over to the only entrance to this room to shut and lock it. He pulled up a chair to the bedside, sitting down, and looking like he wanted to say something. Nothing came out, and he could only nervously chew his bottom lip instead.

You stared at him. Rapidly sitting up and scooting back against the wall in an effort to get away from him, all you could bring yourself to do then was stare.

Why the hell didn't he just kill you? Wasn't that the goal set before these sickos?

"S-so..." He broke the silence, sounding almost worried. If only he was a survivor, then the worry would be believable. "I'm sorry, this is kind of awkward, isn't it."

"Understatement of the century," you spat back. He winced at the words.

"Look I... I want to protect you. That sounds weird, I know!" He tried to put his hands up in a non threatening gesture. "But if you give me a chance... You'll never have to worry about going out there again! No more weird spider-y limbs coming down from the sky, no more pain... you'd be safe here. With me. That's all I want for you."

"Why the hell should I trust you? You just tried to kill my friends!"

"First off, they're not your friends." His voice seemed a tad bit colder when talking about any of the others. "Do you know how often I watched them- all of them- throw each other under the bus when things get tough? If it meant their survival, they'd trip you into the arms of... of... one of those freaks!"

"Oh, like you're any better than the other killers we have to run from?"

He looked down at the floor.

Silence filled the room. Though you could barely see the expression on his face, you could tell you struck a nerve.

"I didn't want to... Th-that... THING threatened to hurt me if I didn't..."

He was mumbling under his breath. You almost felt bad for him.

Almost.

He suddenly looked back up and smiled.

"But that doesn't matter, as long as I have you. I struck a deal with it just so I could keep you safe, but you have to stay here with me."

"So you expect me to abandon my friends for a total stranger that I'm pretty sure wants to torture me and isn't being forward about it?"

"Sunshine I- they're not your friends. But I am! You can trust me, I swear! My name is Sunny Day Jack. See? I'm not a stranger anymore! Please believe that I just want to keep you safe."

He was leaning forward in the chair, desperation written plain as the day you craved across his features.

You eyed him wearily.

"And why do you supposedly want to protect a total stranger?"

The adoration that proceeded to bleed from him caused a shiver to run down your spine. You couldn't tell if it was sincerely cute or creepy.

"From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were special. You seemed to be the only one who could understand me. The only one who might be willing to give me a chance. You’re too good for the likes of any of them. And that thing I mentioned earlier? It gave me visions- a look into your lonely little life... I can be there for you, just like you've always wanted a friend to be. You just need to let me protect you. Please..."

You still weren't entirely convinced, but as you heard the sound of a gate alarm travel through the walls, you knew you had to run.

What if the entity in control decided to renege on its deal- assuming it even made one to begin with?

Getting skewered from below didn't sound like a fun time to you.

Jack was twisting his gloved hands together, anxious for a response. You had a gut feeling the losing side was punished, but you really did not want your friends to lose. Now was the time to act.

"Alright, I'll give you a chance."

He sprang up, scooping you up into a big hug. Your stomach dropped through the floor as you clung to him for those few seconds, not because you were scared of him, but because you could feel some weird burning sensation in your chest that hadn't been there before.

And what followed it was a pure rush of elation. This certainly wasn't something you'd normally feel in this situation, but when you started to make out the vague chanting of "Sunshine, my Sunshine, all mine" in your thoughts, the realization that he had made some sort of deal to keep you hit you harder than the Hillbilly's chainsaw.

“Thank you so much Sunshine- I promise, you won’t regret it! Now just wait here while I go deal with the others. It’ll take me no time at all, I swear!”

As he left, he locked the door behind him, leaving you all alone. Looking around, you confirmed the door was indeed the only exit.

Good thing whatever was in charge of the physics of this place was a little stupid. You took the pin out of your hair, wiggled it in what you assumed was the keyhole, and after a few seconds you heard a click. Putting the pin back in your hair, you slowly cracked open the door.

The coast was clear.

Tiptoe-ing as fast as you could out of whatever building you were in, you did your best to make it outside and broke into a sprint. You weren’t sure if you were headed towards the open gate, but you didn’t have the time to stop and think.

Pain shot through your shoulder as you ducked behind a corner and you blinked. Jack wasn’t anywhere nearby. Your shoulder wasn’t actually hurt, either.

Perhaps the Entity really did tie us together… That pain must have meant someone stabbed his shoulder to get away after getting picked up. I need to hurry up.

Luck should have it that you’d come across the open gate, with Jeff sitting on the inside. He could see you from the angle he was at from just behind the wall and waved you over. It didn’t take long for you to pick your way through the trees to get to him. The two of you proceeded to speak urgently in whispers.

“Where’s Kate?”

“She got driven off by the big guy. I won’t be able to survive if I get caught again, so I’m waiting here. Hoping if she comes through, I can take the hit for her then.”

“She is pretty good at shaking them off… Maybe she’ll come running through after losing him and we can all get out together.”

“Maybe…” Jeff contemplated while you crouched next to him. You didn’t have any way to patch up the new wound on his side, so he was stuck half-injured until you all got back to the campfire. Your hunch about Kate was right though, as she came creeping out of the bushes at a brisk pace.

“Thank God,” said Jeff as he stood up. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

As they started moving towards the exit, you remained crouching, glued to your spot. You could feel Jack’s frustration growing through your bond, as well as his desperation…

“What’s wrong?” Kate stopped Jeff and they looked back at you.

“I-I don’t know. I don’t think I should go. I have a bad feeling…”

They walked over and grabbed your arms, hoisting you up.

“Nonsense. We’re in this together, right? You’re coming with us. You don’t need to sacrifice yourself. We can talk about how you're feeling once we’re back. You know some of them have weird magic.”

“Wait I-” Your words were cut short as they dragged you towards and through the exit.

Looking back, you could see Jack stopped by the spikes at the exit, meaning he had lost this little game of cat and mouse. However, you could still feel both the hurt and anger from him. As if it wasn’t written plainly on his face.

Did he think they had doubled back to save you?

You hoped this wouldn’t bring the wrath you were feeling down on them. If there really was any part of him that cared, you’d hoped he would understand.

You’ll try to explain next time you see him. Hell, maybe you’d try to sneak off and leave him a letter. Your friends needed your help.

Maybe once they were out of this gods forsaken hell, you could come back and help him out of here too.

The ache in your chest turned dull the further you got, but never fully went away.

You weren’t sure what this meant, but you were almost positive dealing with Jack in the future was about to be a lot harder.

[scoobydoodean]

every so often I see a deancrit post that makes me believe dean girls should be allowed to maim and bite and kill fr....idk how you find the strength to combat the nonsense because I saw a post so insane this morning that I had to get up and take a walk outside to calm down. all that to say: thank you for defending our boy because I wish I could do it but I get so upset I can't even string sentences together let alone write such eloquent rebuttals the way you do 🩷

❤️ Oh believe me I get it. I used to talk to people in the SPN subreddit jbdzfjshbjfhb. Deancrits have made posts that make me see so red I'm like Doom Guy on the last dredges of his health (if they aren't making me laugh my ass off) but they are very rarely in my face these days. My dash is a blessedly dean-positive space full of sexy people making sexy posts. I definitely recommend building yourself a nice curated dash and blocking or filtering whoever you need! You do NOT have to be in the trenches.

A lot of the cataloguing content of the blog is based on pervasive fanon opinions I have simply been here long enough to know about. Deancrits almost always just reinvent the same tired arguments, so that works in my favor. Thankfully, I don't have to expose myself to opinions I don't like in order to build up the collections I am building... though I certainly do fixate on certain collections when crits get nasty in my notifs or the notifs of the people I follow.

One thing I recommend, when you do start to feel mad, is to quickly identify what about a post stands out as making you the most angry. I think you'll often find that at the center of it, almost always, is "This person made an argument that ignores all context and is in such bad faith that it actively infuriates me", or "That literally never happened. They just made that up and everyone is just believing them!" But the thing is... as soon as you realize they said something really really stupid... it can quickly become extremely funny—a big huge joke. Laughter is excellent medicine. As soon as you see the humor in something, it becomes incredibly un-intimidating and your mind is usually cleared of a lot of the clutter your rage inspired, so you can simply focus on dispensing with what was said that was so very silly.

I'll be honest though. I greatly benefit from the fact that I am so annoying on my own page talking to myself and my mutuals and followers that a lot of deancrits I've never spoken to or heard of in my life have blocked me, and they are, overwhelmingly so full of shit that when the remaining dredges decide to stumble their way onto my blog and cry about my posts I just end up laughing my ass off at the mental gymnastics they've contorted themselves into to get the ideas they spew at me.

I mean sorry to be a huge sanctimonious dick about crits, but I'm not the one whose perpetually gone on their blogs and posts and started commenting obnoxious drivel like a pompous ass. I don't exactly have great opinions on a group of people I've mainly been exposed to through condescending tags and replies and comments and hate mail, through ridiculous and outright offensive claims about my irl character based on what fictional characters I like, through harassment campaigns launched against various people, and through their attempts to bully people off the internet.

[silly-chiroptera]

Hello!!! sorry if this is random and you probably wont see it anyway im guessing, but I wanted to apologize for any messages you get from those toxic davesport fans and shit like that :( I'm a davesport shipper myself but i hate to see other people shitting on others for not shipping davesport or if someone ships something else. this fandom is so small i dont even get how theres so much drama for absolutely nothing its actually fucking insane how sensitive people are in this fandom.

in my version of davesport (depending on how im feeling actually), they usually just act like good friends; not too close but not too far either. Yeah, they MAY have a crush on each other but I at least don't think jack would make it AS obvious. And honestly I don't think they would be very lovey-dovey too. The most I can see them doing canonically is holding hands very rarely or just giving each other a quick hug, normal shit friends do. Not full on making out and cuddling 24/7 stuff.

I've came across your account or whatever a few times on tumblr now and i just wanted to say I really appreciate your art!!! im guessing you also weren't very popular like other artists since you dont get talked about at all anywhere else, and thats a shame.

I apologize once again for writing all of this lmao i didnt mean for it to be so long but yeah I really wish you were more recognized in the dsaf community for good reasons obv! sorry if you dont like reading abt davesport either lol, i swear they're not all I talk about. if anything, i like talking about the kennedy siblings more, they never have enough content either.

nah its good m80 you dont have to apologize for people who wont apologize themselves for acting so deranged in the worst way possible i haven't received any hate messages or people attempting to argue with me about my opinion yet thankfully though so there's that! if people don't really vibe with me then its whatever they can just unfollow me if they don't like my unpopular thought processing... there's like literally hundreds of other fans who like that ship and i personally dont understand the people who make a big deal about other people hating it as if it were a cockroach infestation. davesport shippers are the majority here GRJKDKLS at this point i don't really care about getting a whole lot of recognition...i really only care about having this blog be a safe space for people who are more like me rather than trying to cater to the majority of the dsaf fanbase but thank you for saying that ! :) also i love the kennedy family sm even though i havent attempted to draw peter or rarely drew dee i love them very much and all three of them kinda remind me of myself in little ways

[torilaa]

Wednesday Writing Blog #1

So, I have a problem. A big problem for a writer at least. I have never finished a first draft. Hell any writing project really except for one or two short stories that I had to finish for college. Pressure seems to be the only way I spit things out. This is why I'm going to start making a blog post every week or so in order to remind myself that I need to write... Also because I love talking about writing. I think it would be great to spend every Wednesday or so venting or nerding out about it.

I could just be procrastinating again though.

Yup.

Anyway, today I figured out how my first book is going to end. They say the best thing to have before you start to write is an ending. I've been a pantser since I started writing, but I've discovered that really doesn't help with my motivation. If I don't know what happens next, I'm stumped for weeks. As for how I outline, I just use bullet points with acts 1-3. Any more structure than that and I feel constricted creatively. Any worldbuilding I have is thrown into the "Worldbuilding" folder. Let's hope I remember to update that as I write! Since worldbuilding is, yes, important but the story comes first.

I've made a basic outline so I'm rather confident about it for once. In fact, I wrote around 7k words so far (I scrapped basically all of what I wrote in 2017 with this concept which is...hard, but it had to be done since the MC is a very different character now).

Finally, I started reading Leviathan Wakes (the Expanse) partially for research purposes and partially because I loved the show.

Since I can't help but share, here is the alpha version of the first page:

Martin called it The Coffin.

The walls of the room were made of mirrors and a door that only Interrogator Martin Prouset could enter. The Order of Representatives made sure the room had nothing to distract the suspect except for the endless reflection of themselves, the table, the chairs, and the interrogator. These reflections made the room feel larger than it appeared to be in reality. Because it was small. Cramped. Three meters by three meters approximately and high enough so that the tallest man could stand with about an inch of clearance. The Coffin was a joke the Representatives played on both the suspect and the interrogator. Martin would rather be in a larger room, no, another place, a different time but instead, through fault of his own, he came into this room everyday to greet the mirrors, the table, the chairs. The only difference, ever, was the suspect that sat in that infernal chair.

Enough to make a man mad.

This new suspect? Dr. Theo Johansson, engineer with a memory quotient of 190 (that he would certainly brag about). Martin sat in the chair nearest the door and Theo Johansson’s reflection sat across from the table. Johansson’s wrinkled face was pale except the sockets beneath his eyes. Those deep eyes asked, “why?” The ones that forgot always asked why. Even doctors with an MQ of 190. The only people that looked at him were the ones that remembered what they did. Always it was with an expression of determined steel. Thankfully that wasn’t Johansson. The steel gaze always, always, made his blood run cold.

[acacia-may]

Hello Acacia. I'm glad to see you're feeling a little better. You don't need to rush back into activity but thankfully, it doesn't seem like you won't stress yourself. Thank goodness. Just take care of yourself. But I also saw you reblog an ask game so if you want a little something to think about while you're getting better, can I ask numbers 1, 3, 10, and 36?

Hi Erika! Thank you so much for the ask! I apologize it has taken me a little bit to get back with you. I'm still not feeling the best so I'm very, very slowly easing back into blog activity. I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement, and I loved getting to read all of your reblogs & comments while I was unwell and on hiatus so thank you so much for that as well! 🥰 I'd be delighted to answer these questions for you.

Questions from this fic writer's ask game. Answers below the cut.

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

I answered this question here, but as that was more focused on my Black Clover fics and we share more fandoms, I think I'll answer in more generalized terms for you. Out of everything that I've ever written I think "Take Care of Yourself" which is a Demon Slayer fanfiction about Shinobu and Giyuu's friendship says a lot about me as a writer and also, in some ways, as a person. I worked on that story for a very long time, and I'm very proud of how it turned out in the end. It also includes a lot of my favorite themes (platonic friendships, family relationships, hurt/comfort, healing from the past and finding the strength to carry on in the face of adversity ect.). I think I'd direct someone to that fic if they had never read anything of mine and were familiar not only with Demon Slayer but with any/all my other fandoms as well. (I also asked my sister for her opinion since she sometimes Betas my stories and she said that would be her suggestion too 😅).

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

I write a lot about platonic relationships--male & female friendships, found families, and problematic/complicated sibling relationships especially. My favorite genre is probably hurt/comfort, but I'll admit I also really enjoy writing wholesome fluff & shenanigans. I also enjoy writing about happy futures for the characters I love most (especially if they have been through a lot in the canon).

In terms of other characteristics, I think I use a lot of dialog tags. I'm trying to work on using less of those. 😅 I tend to write in third person but I try to stay close enough to the POV to give them a "voice" in the narration of the piece (or that's the hope anyway 😅). I have recently been branching out into 1st person POV, but I'll admit I don't like it nearly as well. 🙈 I think I also write a lot of flashback scenes because I like trying to tie the past and present together in a lot of my stories. Overall though, I really try to try something new in every story that I write whether that be trying out a new narrative structure, genre, character(s), or perspective. It makes me nervous to try new things as a writer, but I think it's the best way to grow and to (hopefully) get better at writing.

10. How do you decide what to write?

I answered this question here, but I will also copy and paste part of it for you and also add a little bit to the discussion. 😊

Truthfully, I have a lot of story ideas that never actually get written. 😅🙈 I just don't have the time or energy to write everything, unfortunately. The ones that do get written are either ideas that wouldn't leave me alone or get out of my head until they were written down or they are ones that I write for some practical reason (i.e. a prompt from someone or for a fandom event/week). Another big motivation for me as a writer is to explain how I see a certain character, relationship, or situation.

[New] I think I tend to read between the lines with a lot of characters--especially ones that aren't necessarily painted in the most favorable light by the canon. While I don't excuse or try to explain away their bad actions (if they have some), I do tend to recognize that they may have diminished culpability or are at least more sympathetic than they may appear. My sister teases me that I have a "sixth sense" for when a character is going to have a tragic backstory. 😂 I'm not sure if I'd go so far as to say that (though it is a fun little running joke), but I do find that I tend to have a more generous/sympathetic interpretation of certain characters than my friends irl. This can make things a bit complicated when we have discussions because I feel like I have to explain why I don't think certain characters are just irredeemable jerks. I feel like I stumble over trying to explain how I see a character (especially if I see them in a more favorable light) so I find that writing about them or writing in their POV and then showing that to my friends can help them better understand my perspective and interpretation and how/why it is different from theirs. It's one of the main reasons I've written so much about Langris from Black Clover, for instance, but I've also done the same with characters from other fandoms and relationships (if I'm trying to explain what certain characters' friendship looks like in my mind for instance).

36. Do you visualize what you read/write?

Yes, I tend to visualize stories very vividly. My own writing especially I usually mentally "walkthrough" a scene/a story in my imagination before sitting down and actually writing (and occasionally I will even talk through the dialogue aloud to make sure that it isn't too clunky or awkward. My youngest sister isn't really into fanfiction, but her pet peeve as a reader of anything is awkward dialogue so I often hear her voice in my head reminding me to only write non-cringy dialogue that people would actually say... 😅 Hopefully I succeed on that point 🙈). My mental walkthroughs are really helpful to me when it comes time to actually write, and sometimes when I'm struggling to choose the POV character, I'll sometimes walk through the same scene from multiple perspectives until I find one that I like best.

I'm not sure that the level of detail I see in my head always makes it into my finished writing though. I used to be really, really wordy and descriptive when I was first starting out writing, but I got a lot of constructive feedback on how a lot of it was unnecessary and weighed down the story so I hope I strike a better balance when it comes to being descriptive now. 😁

[cindersalad]

It's time for the usual end of the year thoughts post on this blog. Horay!

Hey, hello. ❤ I hope you're having a fantastic day, or that it'll get better if it's not a good day! It's the last week of the year, another Christmas has gone by ('thankfully', whispers I, a very Grinch-y person), and I'm sitting here thinking about my year. And what a year. It has been a roller coaster, and on the personal level I got probably the most full year I've had in the latest, what, six years? I'm learning to kind of manage my anxiety, I'm learning to ask for help when I can't (which is probably the biggest thing)... I got a job, too, finally! It'll start the first days of next year, which will reduce a lot my free time, but I've never been happier. I feel useful.

But scrolling through my blog I also fully realized that this has probably been the least productive year in terms of drawings. I think I've posted only 11 drawings, not even one per month, and in general I think I've spent... months? not even touching a drawing supply. It was probably for the best: I really needed to fix some stuff. To finish some of the things I started, too. But, man, did I miss drawing. I think it's one of the biggest voids I had this year, together with just... telling stories. Any story, in any format. I miss drawing comics, I miss writing stories, I just miss it.

Next year it will be a whole new story. With the job starting and a lot of other big changes already in plan, if this year seemed to me full I can't even imagine how I'll feel next year, but for some reason I feel having a lot less free time will make me use that little window a lot better of having an entire free day. I want to return drawing much more frequently, I want to return telling stories! It probably won't be immediate, but I have a lot of sketched illustrations that I want to continue, and my itch for taking the pencil daily is returning stronger than ever. I want to post more often, my sketches as well, despite always feeling so insecure about them. Perhaps some processes, too? And I want to return to write. I have so many stories in my mind, and a lot would work very well as fanfictions - I wanted to draw most of them, but I suddenly realized that I could very well write them too. Nothing stops me from adapting parts of those fanfics into fancomics in the future, anyway! Writing entire stories in my second language won't be easy (and at least one of the fanfics I have in mind will probably be in Italian and I'll have to see if to translate it), but I roleplay a lot in English, so I feel pretty confident. >:)

I don't know what I'll manage to do next year, I'm not setting any real goal in terms of productivity here, but... man, I really wish I can start an original comic this time. Humbert's story and Avi's story are both really well darn developed, but going from notes to an actual flashed out story is a step that has been too big for me for now. But with all I accomplished this year, maybe the step is becoming more and more doable. ❤

Anyway, I've kept you here long enough. ❤ I'm not sure how much stuff I'll actually manage to make, but a year is longer than we think! Everything I'll do, you'll receive updates here, so worry not! Thank you so much for sticking with me all this time despite the very few updates, of all your patience and support, comments and messages. You're the best! ❤ I hope you'll have a fantastic day, and that your future will be golden and full of good things. Take care, and I will see you next year! ❤

[easierreadthandone4711]

Days Off

"...but all I ever took away from therapy was a somewhat clearer understanding of how messed up I was." - John Moe, The Hilarious World of Depression

I had expectations for my days off. The work week didn't end badly, even though a co worker of mine left a nasty taste in my mouth after speaking poorly about my work ethic to another co worker. The work load was easy and I was able to get a lot of reading done.

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls has me triggered and infuriated. I won't spoil books here but when I say the parents have me feeling some type of way...smh. Its been a great read though and I can safely say my oldest is also my literary twin.

I haven't mentioned her yet but I made a new friend here in Nantucket, she works with me currently and has been such a godsend for me. I'm not even sure she realizes how vital her taking me under her wing has been. For my first day off I woke up early with an optimistic attitude and ready to get things done. The front desk was finally having someone come fix the heater after days of freezing at night - while he was fixing I planned to go to the store to grab laundry necessities and food for the upcoming week. I would return and go to the gym, update my blog and get some studying done.

Ten AM came and went with no maintenance man in sight so I called the front desk and asked them if I needed to be here while he fixed it, they said no. I was only slightly annoyed that I was beginning my day later than I had planned but, shxt happens and I still had the whole day ahead of me so no big deal - nothing is fucked.

The prices out here are crazy and every grab off the shelves made me sick thinking about the total cost going up. Shockingly, the laundry items were cheaper than I expected and I was grateful for it. Typically, I don't purchase items like that at grocery stores, as the cost is much higher.

When I returned, the heater was fixed and I filled up my mini fridge. Things were moving swimmingly until I realized I did not have a working battery for one of my devices. I managed to find a store with a cheap one thankfully - but there those dollar signs were again. I do want to clarify that I am not in a pinching pennies situation, however, as a government employee, the shutdown would effect my paycheck and to make sure all will continue being taken care of, I've been extra cautious about spending.

Unfortunately, all of this pushed into what would have been my gym time and I moved onto the next items on the list that I needed to take care of. I cracked open a black berry cider, made some turkey sliders and popped open my work laptop to finish enrolling myself and my kiddos onto my insurance.

There it was, an email stating I owe a very unexpected amount to the travel card issued by work. I gathered all of the statement/payment records and the notebook where I keep track of all my purchases and payments.

**Side note - there's a store in Boston called Muji and it was like stationary heaven to me. Other writers get it. Pens, planners, and these notebooks that hit like butter to my brain and I just cannot get enough. I have about a dozen of their notebooks, I would have more but I gifted my children and a couple friends with one their own. Giving the gift of a space for their thoughts <3 Just to reiterate, Muji, in Boston, chefs kiss.

**continuing..

I realized that when I made the discovery of these notebooks, I transferred over my bills/finances from old spiral notebook of lesser quality. Best decision ever, or so I thought. Normally I make sure to copy all the past entries so that I have no need to refer back to the old books but for whatever reason I did not do that this time. I was shxt out of luck and I was not going to be able to cross check my records with theirs. Its fine, I assured myself, just another change in plans today, I am going to audit the bit myself from day one, starting from May 24th. The new notebook begins in August so I figured, easy peezy. All is well, nothing is fxcked and I'll figure it out.

I finished out May and June expenses and prepared myself to compare mine to theirs - except, when I went to do so, I see that the earliest payment was in early July and I paid a couple hundred short of the actual amount I should have paid. There it was, the beginning of my spiral.

What did I do? How did I miss that many expenses when I reviewed them in June? How could I be that stupid? This is basic fxcking math - you fuxcking idiot. There you going being the cause of your bullshxt again. What were you thinking?! I can only imagine what the rest of the months look like. You probably owe the whole amount and more you fxcking idiot. How do you expect to make the next move for the kids if you can't even get your fxcking math right?! Math they could do. You call yourself a mother. You're just one fxck up after the other. It sickening the way they deserve better and they ended up with you.

Writing this out is troublesome because I sound really mean to myself. Sounds like a lot but in that moment, the glimmer of light I had began the day with was gone and I was once again the worthless waste of space again that can't do anything right.

I made a payment towards the card, closed my laptop, shut the lights off and turned on a random movie on Netflix. I sank into my bed telling myself it was okay and I'd be able to figure this out, Afterall, I've been through much worse than this, right? The gentle voice that I'd been working on was backed into a corner, the winds from the spiral holding her down. Numbers and images of the kids swirling around, slapping her around and making sure she stayed down, quiet. No, you don't get to talk yourself up for this one, stupid. So fxcking undeserving. You have one job and you're failing.

The movie came and went, unamused, I clicked play for the next distraction to begin. Didn't make it to the gym, didn't read, didn't blog... more than half my day gone, wasted. It brought me even lower. A few silent tears made their way to my pillow case, in those moments I focused even harder on the movies. This shapeless, colorless, invisible feeling was pulling me down deeper and deeper.

A knock at the door came, it was my new friend. She said she wanted to check on me before going to her room. I hadn't mentioned to her how I was feeling but in that moment, it didn't matter how she knew, I was being pulled back up for air and I wasn't going to fight it. I explained a little bit about the email and my discovery. She said, "you hungry?" I said yes and she gave me 30 minutes to get ready.

Dinner was nice, we spoke about football and the food in front of us. We remained present in that moment and that allowed my gentler self to get up and say it once more, it's going to be okay.

Depression doesn't work that way though, does it? As the book calls us "saddies", y'all get it, the saddies get it.

I played trivia with my babies until I couldn't see my phone screen straight anymore and then I fell asleep, hard. I'm not sure what startled me up this morning but I knew it was going to be a day of convincing myself to get out of bed. Don't worry, I made it out - lucky for me, feeling my body fat rolling around in bed is enough to disgust myself and I got up to prep for the gym. But first, my coffee.

While sipping on my coffee and scrolling through the social scene, I ran into memory lane. A video of my oldest saying good bye to her little brother, it was the first day of kinder. From behind the camera, I ask her if she's going to miss her brother - its quick and easy to miss, but I spotted it just then. A breath in, glossy eyed and a clenched jaw you can barely see because her cheeks are so round, a breath out, she nods and says "yeah". Her little brother looks to her with puckered fish lips for a kiss and they say good bye. The video ends there but the memory continues to play out...hand in hand, we begin walking towards her classroom. I ask her if she's ready, her expression scrunches into her serious face and her hand goes a little tighter. "Yes." she says it with conviction. I ask her if she's nervous, the scrunch gets tighter, so does her little hand. "No." I said okay, and gave promises of a fun day. I knew she was nervous, I could see the battle being fought in her eyes. She fought hard to keep that courage on her face and I wasn't going to let her know that I knew it was all a facade. I would never let her know that she didn't really succeed in hiding her fears, she needed to know she won that battle so that she would feel ready to take on what was up ahead. I held my own tears back that day because I needed her to know that I knew she had everything she needed to win that day. My tears would singlehandedly ensure that we would both lose the inner battles.

There was no gym today. I gave myself some grace and rested from the battle I have been fighting for so long. The wars that go for years hit different you know? My babies are strong for me, and I have to be too, for them. So this entry is serving as evidence I did SOMETHING today, even if it was more for healing purposes than productivity.