#but the fact is i was still having like screaming in my car breakdowns a couple times a month

[gideonisms]

thought about working a job again 20 dead 40 injured

[kidney9-9]

A Busy Christmas Season - Tom Holland

Hi hope you enjoy reading this :) thank you! Requests are open and I hope to start writing more soon. Happy holidays!

Tom Holland x Reader [Angst with Happy ending/Fluff] Warnings: Cursing, crying, breakdown Word Count: 2.7k

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Your eyes widened at the list of preparations for the Christmas party at your work and the other list of Christmas gifts you had to find and buy for your family and friends. And then there was the fact, that your boss decided that you could handle a bit more work with this new assignment that had you researching about celebrities and their favorite restaurants.

Fuck, this was a lot of work for this week. You shouldn’t have waited this long to buy the gifts for your family and friends, but you were waiting for your paycheck that came earlier today, since you didn’t want to dip into your savings account.

You sighed as you put your keys into your car, making sure you had everything with you – your purse, your work laptop, wallet, and phone. You glanced down to your phone as you put your seatbelt on, seeing the screensaver with you and Tom, the picture making you smile briefly. Tom was over at his friend’s place at the moment, so he had no idea that you were going to run some errands for Christmas and work.

You had sung along to the music on your playlist as you drove to a shopping center to buy the supplies for the Christmas party at work and hopefully find some gifts for your friends and family. You groaned as you realized there was traffic on the way there.

By the time you got there, you wasted an extra hour sitting in traffic! It seemed that other people were also Christmas shopping this week, but it still was annoying to deal with, especially when you were on schedule today.

You rushed into the store, grabbing the supplies for the work party, throwing in some extra snacks and drinks. You bought it with the company credit card, sighing in relief when it went through without any trouble.

You ran into another store, buying one of your friends a pair of shoes they said they wanted before. Then found some funny gag gifts for Tom, laughing slightly as you put it in the cart. Then you found a sweet bracelet for another friend, gift cards for a few family members to their favorite places. You got Tom’s family some cozy blankets for the chilly season and a family friendly board game, since you knew they loved playing those.

Finally, the only person you had left to buy a gift for was Tom himself. Sure, you got a few gag gifts for him, but you wanted to get something to show how much you loved him and appreciated him this Christmas.

Checking the time on your phone, you groaned loudly as a surge of panicked stress came up. You only had two hours to bring the supplies to your work and you had to finish that assignment that you hadn’t had time to work on! You quickly bought everything and rushed to your car, accidentally running your cart into the back of someone else’s car as they were backing up.

You gasped as you pulled the cart back, looking at the big scratch and small dent it made on the car. The person honked at you, and you squeezed your eyes shut for a moment, cursing your luck as the person came out of his car, screaming at you.

“How could you not look where you were going, you freak?! Do you know you’re not supposed to be running in a parking lot?!” He yelled, waving his hands to you.

You sighed, “I’m so sorry, what’s your name and phone number? And your insurance? I’ll try my best to fix this as fast as I can, but I need to leave right now.”

He shook his head, “You’re not leaving here until I get video evidence that this happened. We’re going into the store over there to get the evidence. I’m not about to be scammed by a stupid girl like you.”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m not going to scam you? What made you think I was?” Your attitude slipped, and the man’s eyes widened at you.

“There it is, right there, your generation’s behavior is disgusting to its elders. How horrible. I bet you enjoy disrespecting everyone and being a degenerate.” He scoffed at you.

You breathed in deeply, holding back your fuming anger and stress. “You can go into the store. I’m going to let you take a picture of my ID and phone number, because I’m leaving now. And you’re not dragging me into a mess right now, because I already have so much else to do, understand?”

He coughed in shock at your response, “So horrifying to see this behavior in today’s society. I worked so hard for your generation to enjoy its freedom. Now pull out your ID, young lady.”

You rolled your eyes at him and pulled out everything, practically shoving it his way so he could take pictures of it. He even took a picture of your face, close up, saying he needed the evidence in case he wanted to take you to court.

As you finally left the parking lot, you almost sped to your workplace. Once you got there, you took a seat in your office with the supplies in your hands. You looked around in confusion, wondering where your notepad was with all the extra details you needed for your assignment.

“Anyone see my notepad?” You called out, ignoring the fact that you could hear your stress in your voice.

“Patricia threw it out, said it wasn’t festive enough and that you don’t use it.” Your coworker came up to you, glancing into your office.

“What? She did what?” You groaned out, “It had everything I needed! It was a new notepad!”

“Go ask Patricia where she threw it out.” He shrugged back to you. You breathed in deeply, trying to calm your anger and stress.

“Fine. I will.” You spoke softly but anger filled your tone. Patricia was in the break room, sipping some coffee as you walked in. You asked where your notepad was, and she said the janitor already threw the trash out for today and it was out in the back of the building probably. She apologized to you shortly before adding, “You never used it, how was I supposed to know?”

“Maybe don’t go into my office when I’m not there?” You sarcastically shot back. She gasped at your tone, and you ignored it and paced to the garbage cans to the back of the building.

By the time you got back, you were trying to stop yourself from crying and had trash sticking to parts of your outfit. You smelled disgusting, and you felt even worse. Your boss walked up to you and cleared her throat, “You’re needed in my office as soon as possible.”

You nodded shakily, putting your notebook on your desk, and walked with her to her office. “Is this about the office party? I have the supplies at my desk.” You asked her, feeling anxious at the look she sent you.

“No. This is about your attitude to your coworkers. One of them – anonymously, came into my office and begged me to reprimand you for your behavior. They said something about the way you were angry about what they did and that you were mean to them. I have never heard of something like this from you, I’m disappointed. I’m handing your assignment off to William since he has a kinder approach to his coworkers, compared to you at the moment. Check yourself before you come to work again. This will not be acceptable again, this is your official warning.” She lectured you.

You did your best to hold in your gasp and your cries, and nodded silently and left the room. You quickly rushed to your office, and unceremoniously dumped the supplies for the office party in the break room. You stared at Patricia’s coffee mug in the sink, grabbed it and took it with you as you left the office.

You drove home with one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand gripping tightly on Patricia’s ugly coffee mug.

Once you got home, you slammed the door shut and fell to the floor sobbing hard.

“Stupid Patricia, you weirdo. I hope you trip on a fucking Lego.” You sobbed out, clutching the mug in your hands. You didn’t hear Tom approaching you from the kitchen. He gazed at you with full concern and worry.

“Baby?” He called out.

“And – and – old mean man, what the fuck? I hope your license gets taken away.” You sobbed out, hitting your head back against the door repeatedly, not hearing Tom.

“This is all my fault, fuck.” You cried out, dropping the mug to the floor, thankfully not cracking it. Your eyes were squeezed shut and sobs huffed out of your throat.

“Darling! What’s going on?” Tom spoke up louder, dropping on the floor next to you and curling his arms around you, pulling you into his embrace.

“Tom?” you sobbed out, digging your head into neck, trying to breath in without crying again but you couldn’t stop your sobbing.

He rubbed your back with one of his hands and brought the other to the back of your head. He stroked it softly, whispering sweet things to you, “It’s going to be okay, baby. Shh, listen to my voice. You’ve got it, honey.”

You continued to sob for a while until you felt exhausted. The cries slowly turned into sniffles as you slowly blinked into his neck, “I got snot on you…” You whimpered quietly.

“Oh baby, it’s okay. Do you wanna talk about it?” He mumbled back to you, kissing your forehead as he brought you close to him.

“No, not now.” You felt another tear slip and you rolled your eyes, “It’s stupid. Fuck, I still got to get the gifts out of the car.”

“No, it’s not stupid and no, you’re not getting stuff out of the car right now baby. You’re going to go take a bath right now.” He responded to you. He picked you up and you sleepily cuddled into his arms, not refusing him.

“I’m tired.” You yawned as he set you on the bed softly. He hummed back to you with soft eyes looking down at your body. He noticed some of the trash on your outfit, and picked it off, a bit confused, but he didn’t bring it up.

He helped you take your shirt off first, and then your pants, and then the rest of your clothing. You shivered softly and he pulled a blanket on top of you, then rushed to the bathroom and started a warm bath. He lit some of your favorite calming candles and put some lavender bubble bath into the water.

When he walked back into the bedroom, you were slipping to sleep and he smiled down at you, sitting next to you on the bed. He pressed kisses on your face, waking you up just slightly.

“Baby, I’m going to take you to the bath now, is that okay?” He whispered to you, watching as you nodded back to him a yes. He picked you up, holding you close as the blanket fell to the floor from your body. You breathed in deeply, close to his neck again, just enjoying the fact that he was here with you and that he was holding you close.

“Mm, you smell good.” You murmured, and Tom smiled down at you. He slowly placed you into the full bathtub, with a fluffy towel on the edge where he put your neck and head.

“Yeah? I’m wearing the cologne you got me for my birthday.” He whispered back to you, smiling as you blinked slowly at him, waking up a bit.

You looked around, slipping back into awareness, “Oh, Tom…” Your eyes started to tear up and Tom quickly slipped his hand underwater, squeezing yours.

“Aw baby, don’t cry, it’s okay now.” He mumbled to you, kissing your cheek softly.

You pouted at him, eyes still watering, “You’re so sweet, I love you so much.” You sniffled, and he grinned at you, pressing a kiss to your pout.

“Mm, I love you too, honey. You deserve the best in the world.” He whispered back, before helping you wash yourself. He scrubbed your arms with washcloth, dragging soap up and down your body as you rested in the bath.

“Tom?” You hummed out, gazing at him softly. He nodded back for you to continue.

“Thank you. Do you wanna get in?” You asked gently, holding onto one of his hands and squeezing.

He smiled back to you and nodded, “Sure thing, sweetheart. One second.” He pulled back and undressed himself. You scooted to the center of the bath to give him space to get in behind you. Once he settled in, his legs were on either side of your body and you were resting up against his chest. The warmth from his body and the bath made you sleepy again, and you pressed a slow kiss to his arm when you turned to cuddle close to him.

“Love you baby.” He whispered, brushing his hand through your hair. You mumbled it back before you drifted off to sleep, the stress from today washing off of you.

Tom stayed in the tub with you for another thirty minutes, making sure he washed you up good. Once he was ready to get out, he picked you up bridal style and pulled a towel over your body so you wouldn’t get cold.

He placed you on the bed and dried you off with soft and caring hands and then went back into the bathroom to tidy up. When he came back, you were cuddling with one of your favorite blankets on the bed. He smiled at the sight and went to go wash your clothes in the laundry room. Once he tossed them into the washing machine, he went into the kitchen and started making your favorite meal.

It took a little bit of time, thankfully he had the supplies beforehand, and then set it up on the night stand next to you. Before he woke you up, he set up the TV in the room and found one of your comfort shows. He pressed play and put the volume low.

He woke you up with a kiss to your forehead. You blinked up in surprise as the smell of the food hit your nose and you gazed over the room. He set everything up perfectly.

“This is amazing, Tom.” You spoke up softly, gazing to him with love in your eyes. He settled into the bed next to you and kissed your cheek.

“For my perfect girl.” He whispered back, smiling at you as you cuddled close to him again.

“Not that perfect! I can’t find a gift for you for Christmas.” You laughed softly and shook your head.

He raised his eyebrows and then shrugged, “I already got my gift for Christmas. It’s okay.”

“What?” You laughed, a bit confused at his answer.

“Yeah, it’s perfect. My Christmas gift is you, here in my arms, smiling so sweet like that, my love. Thank you.” He murmured to you, kissing your cheek again. You put the dish down on the nightstand before you fully turned to him and put your hands around his body, pulling him into a hug.

“Baby, you’re so kind. I love you so much.” You whispered back.

“I love you too, darling.” He hummed into your embrace.

-

Bonus Scene:

“Wait, that annoying girl threw out your work? And she didn’t get in trouble? I can’t believe that shit…but I’m glad you stole her mug. We could smash it.” Tom suggested to you, tossing the mug in the air, and catching it.

You rolled your eyes but laughed, “I was thinking about doing that, but she’ll probably complain and say that I did it. It’s okay, I’ll just return it to work tomorrow.”

“Also, about that old guy, I’m pretty sure he’s the one that would get in trouble legally for almost hitting you! But don’t worry about it, I’ll deal with him today while you take a break.” Tom brought up and your eyes widened.

“Uh, wait really? I thought I’d get into trouble for running in a parking lot. And what are you going to do about it?” You asked, laughing when he made a funny face.

“I’ll be like James Bond, agent 007 and I’ll do spy things to him, so he doesn’t bother you again.” Tom chuckled back, punching the air.

“You’re so dumb, I love you.” You laughed back and he pulled you into a hug, laughing with you.

[prettybillycore]

You Are Not a Burden, Billy Hargrove || Billy Hargrove x GN!Reader

Pairing(s): Billy Hargrove x GN!Reader

Universe: Stranger Things

Summary: After moving in with you, Billy has good days and bad days with his mental health. You were there for him in one of his darkest moments.

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: Neil Hargrove is his own warning, Billy's Anger issues, Mental Health Breakdown (Billy's), swearing, Police

Read it on ao3 (or on this Tumblr post below the cut)

Part of your deal with Billy was that he had to work on bettering himself. You told him from the beginning of your blossoming relationship– be nice to me and the kids and Steve or our relationship can’t continue. I know you’re still learning and I can see that you are trying, but respect is one of the most important things in relationships like this. 

Billy had never been in a relationship; this fact surprised you at first, but the more you thought about it, the more it made sense. It broke your heart a little inside knowing that he had never been shown gentle kindness and love. You were willing to give him the safe space he needed to heal and he knew that too. You said as long as he was trying to get better you would be there to support him and that was more than anyone else had ever done for him. I’ll do my best, Doll. I promise. I know I’ll have bad days, but I’m gonna do everything I can to get the anger out in better ways.

You brushed your hand across his cheek and smiled up at him. He had never seen someone look at him with so much pure adoration. It made him feel fragile. All I ask for is that you’re trying. I love you, Billy Hargrove. 

He set his hands lightly on your hips. I love you too. 

| < ♥️ > |

Billy had more good days than bad this summer and you were so thankful for that. You loved him dearly– he was protective of you, always brought you flowers on date night, and wouldn’t let you open or close your own car door. He essentially worshipped the ground you walked on most days and you felt so loved. The party and your friends were all starting to accept that Billy was treating you like a god(dess). They didn’t always love that he was hanging around, but they respected your relationship. It was enough for you to feel comfortable. Billy was making progress on being generally nicer to the soon-to-be freshman and he treated Steve was respect every time he saw him. It made your heart swell.

There were still bad times, though. Mostly now they consisted of panic more than rage. Billy was staying at your house all the time and Max stayed in your guestroom whenever she felt like she needed to get out of the Hargrove-Mayfield household. Billy would receive angry and threatening calls from his father sometimes. He would scream into the phone until you gently placed your hand on his shoulder and he hung up the phone. You two would curl up on his bed and you would let him sob into the crook of your neck. He held onto you like nothing you had ever experienced before; like if he let you go, you would evaporate. You would hum simple songs and play with his hair until you both fell asleep. 

This bad day wasn’t like those bad days, unfortunately. You walked into the house after dropping the Party off at the Wheelers’ place, and Billy was fuming. Much like Steve’s parents, your parents weren’t around much. Billy was just alone, just pacing around and mumbling to himself. You could see how angry he was in his body language. You closed the door behind you, “Billy, Love, are you alright?”

His nostrils flared, but he didn’t stop pacing. “Do I look fucking alright to you, y/n?”

You kept your temperament even and you were so glad that Max was off at the mall with the Party right now. “What happened?”

“Fucking Neil! Ugly bastard called the cops on me.”

“What? Did the cops come here?” You had only been gone for like an hour; you picked up all the members of the Party and drove them to Starcourt. 

“Just Hopper, thank fuck. He said he recognized your name from when Neil called the station. He came to check on everything and told me he would handle Neil, but fuck! Why can’t he just leave me alone? I’m completely fucking moved out at this point. I live here with you and I’m not a fuckin’ burden to him anymore,” he seethed. His teeth were clenched together so tightly you were worried they would break. 

“I’m so sorry, Billy. You handled it well; let’s get you a drink and sit down for a minute. I’m worried about you,” you said. You started to reach your hand out toward him, but he pulled back and glared at you.

“Don’t treat me like a child. I know I’m a burden to you too. You don’t have to pretend to care about me.”

You were dumbfounded. “What? Billy, you are not a burden to me. You never have been and never will be. Your brain is just saying that because you’re raging. You’ll be okay, I promise you’re safe here.” It was the first time those words had ever come out of his mouth. You couldn’t bare the thought of him considering himself a burden to you. “Honey Love, you are the most important person in my life. Your mental health doesn’t make you a burden, it makes you human.”

Normally, when you said things like that, he would go soft. He would fall into your arms and you will hold him until he was ready to talk about what was going on in his brain. Again, today was different than usual. He had really gotten into his own head while you were gone. “Stop lying to me, you fucking bitch! You don’t care about me! No one–”

“God I hate you sometimes. I hate your brain sometimes, fuck!” You cut him off with your cursing. His near-constant pacing stopped as you put your hands over your eyes. “I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I could take your trauma and lock it away and throw the key into the fucking ocean, but I can’t! I don’t know how to help you when your rage transfers to me. I know you aren’t really mad at me, but fuck it hurts…” Your hands were becoming damp with your own tears. 

“Baby…” Billy mumbled. His raging monster inside had been shut up with those sentences. The guilt was crawling up his spine and made him feel like he was going to be sick. He wanted to talk to you about feeling burdensome, but not like this. This broke everything in him. His one promise to himself was to not hurt you; he never wanted to hurt you. You told him that was unrealistic because he’s human and we are all capable of hurting people, but he still told himself not to hurt you. He couldn’t believe that he had let those words come out of his mouth. “I’m… I’m sorry. I’m pissed at Neil, not you. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

You pulled your hands away from your face and he was standing still a little ways away from you. He looked absolutely horrified and you were sure that he was thinking all kinds of self-hating thoughts right now. You wiped your eyes and walked over to him with open arms. He hugged you back quickly and tightly. “I know, Love. You’re still going through things with Neil and there are still going to be bad days.”

“I never want to make you upset though… Fuck…” His face was hidden in your hair. You could feel him trembling. “I don’t want you to leave me, but I understand if you want to.”

You squeezed him tighter. “Absolutely fucking not. Even when things happen and we fight or you slip up, I know you’re trying to get through your pain. You’re starting to heal and I’m not going anywhere. You are not a burden, Billy Hargrove; not to me or anyone else. You are a human who’s got some growing to do... And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did either.”

“It's alright... I love you… so fuckin’ much,” he whispered.

“I love you too, Billy.”

[aphidclan-clangen]

you don't have to post this, but I thought it would be funny!!!

Nimblekit: I just scream a lot... I just, scream... a lot

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Goldshine: With all due respect, which is none,

-

Sparkspeckle: You know how someone can say “I respectfully disagree”? What about “I disrespectfully agree” for when you hate someone but they are unfortunately correct.

-

Shadebreak: I am always up for potential rule breaking.

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Goldshine: Don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself, I do it regularly.

-

Nimblekit: 80% of people are actually ugly because of their face, you know.

-

Pearlstar: Trans people? In my clan? It’s more likely than you think.

-

Blisswhistle: For the last time, you can’t die of adhd.

-

Sparkspeckle: You can do whatever you want forever :D

Stormwhisper: I love you, but that is not helpful.

-

Stormwhisper, too nervous to ask for emotional support: Man, it smells like wrongdog in here.

-

Gravel: Aren’t you like 5’2?

Firebeetle: I self identify as tall.

-

Pearlstar: Every day my joints are shocked and disgusted that I would use them for their intended purpose.

-

Sparkspeckle: You can never lose an argument if you say “shut up nerd” at the end.

Icesheep: Yes you can.

Sparkspeckle: Shut up nerd.

-

Goldshine: In my defense, your honor, I simply do not care enough.

-

Nimblekit: Your honor, in my defense, who cares like omfgggggggg who cares????????? Like come onnn.

-

Skykit: Are you a girl or a boy?

Shadebreak: Uhh, well some people aren’t girls or boys!

Skykit: Wow, just like snails...

Shadebreak: ???

-

Straight Man: Hey

Titania: That’s enough.

-

Lilacpaw: I respect perfume commercials being like, we can’t show you a smell, mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds?

-

Shadekit: Hey we are all really small, do you wanna sleep in a pile.

Icekit, Stormkit and Sparkkit: Yes.

-

Blisswhistle: “Fuck it, we ball” (Malnourished, heavy eye bags, dehydrated, on the verge of insanity.)

-

Goldshine: Evil infodumping where you just tell lies.

Sparkspeckle: Tiktok

Icesheep: 5-minute crafts

Shadebreak: Resume

Stormwhisper: Men

-

Nimblekit: I fucking hate the hand that feeds me, I think i’ll do something fucked up to it.

-

Nimblekit: Sick injury bro, would be a shame if i added insult to it.

-

Pearlstar: I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there fr.

-

Gravel: I wish they sold offbrand cars, get me a damn honder.

Firebeetle: Pulling up in the revolver.

-

Shadebreak: When two buses pass each other and the bus drivers don’t wave at each other, like omg... did you guys break up...

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Blisswhistle: I can still crack a joke mid-breakdown, that’s why everyone is lucky to have me in their lives.

-

Gravel: They don’t kill the presidents like they used to.

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Berrykit: The LMAO+ community.

Nimblekit: It’s LMFAO+ this is party rock erasure.

-

Sparkspeckle: It’s harder than you think to communicate with someone who isn’t familiar with the world of spongebob.

-

Goldshine: Pipe down your honor, you weren’t even there.

-

Goldshine: JFK?? Like from umbrella academy?? Haha... you know he’s not... real, right?

Stormwhisper: Wait, I though JFK was from clone high??

Sparkspeckle: JFK, as in Jesus Fucking Khrist, from the bible?

Icesheep: Isn’t JFK that fried chicken fast food chain.

Shadebreak: Guys cmon, it’s Jennedy Fennedy Kennedy, you gotta know this.

-

Goldshine: Mfs be named “James” and it only be one dude.

-

Nimblekit: Does violence have to be the last resort, can’t it be like third.

-

Lilacpaw: Free my man, he did all of it but I don’t care.

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Pearlstar: Let me get this straight. Grabs the nearest heterosexual. Now, where were we. (He is holding nobody)

-

Blisswhistle: I’m so done with self care, it’s time for others harm.

-

Shadebreak: Fun fact. Shut the fuck-

-

Sparkspeckle: Nuh uh

Icesheep: FYM “NUH UH”???

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-⚡ anon

Genuinely made me laugh, I love these

[serene-sun]

A rain x reader drabble for now, this would be x OC or self insert but it won’t get any views or likes so I used “you” instead of my own name. This is really just a vent/comfort thing I wrote for myself.

Warnings: there’s allot, 18+, no smut, alcohol, weed, ptsd attack. Past trauma, panic attack, mental breakdown, little comfort, angst?, very faint outline of sexual assault.

“Hey, don’t cry hun.” Rains voice is so soft and tender against the top of your head, his words soothing the aching pain growing from all of the weed and alcohol.

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a bother.” You mumble through spilling tears.

“You’re certainly no bother, I know that as a fact.” He wraps his arms loosely around your upper waist.

Rain holds you so delicately, like a wilted flower with drooling petals. Rain already knows you’re about to break, the way you escorted yourself from the loud noisy building claiming you needed some air.

Half of it was right, the room was indeed filled with smoke and the smell of sweat and cigarettes. Everyone smelt like alcohol and cheap liquor.

The lights, the smoke, the sound of deep bass and distant moans was too much. The first few shots were to run off the evil thoughts crawling their way back up. But soon the taste of vodka being quickly swished back in your throat brought you back to a distasteful memory, one you had tried to bury, one fresh and still scared, a memory still red with pain and hurt.

Everything is fog, and all you can feel is the numbness swelling under your skin, and warmth spreading In your blood. All you feel is misery and embarrassment, you want to escape, you need to find somewhere far from this recalled nightmare before someone starts taking advantage.

You were sick of that.

You wobble your way out of a side door, the red exit sign not doing the aches any more pleasure. When the door closes, you’re immediately on your knees gagging at the pavement. It’s so dark, not even the light pollution wants to help you now. All that leave your system is a few droplets of saliva, and maybe a few more of the recent shot.

All you can think of is the faceless person that’s deep within your scattered mind. A simple drink and the simple feeling of dizziness. It’s all too horrible, especially now when you’re on your knees in an alley way of a foreign city.

Your knees get wet, the wet pavement bleeding through them and staining the black denim with mud, dirt, and cigarette ashes.

You grab your head, the noises of cars and the screaming insults filling your brain is breaking you down to a bitter substance that’s easy to be swept away in the cold wet night.

“You ok?” A soft and slender hand rubs your back, of course it’s rain.

Rain promised that he would stay with you the entire night, that he would make sure nobody would both you. Rain held your hand most of the night, he watched every person make your drink, bartender or not. He did a good job, until you ran off and disappeared.

You cower, you don’t wanna be seen like this, completely vulnerable and exposed. You can’t help but cry, that’s all you can really do. And as soon as that one tear hits the hard black ground, everything else follows. All the memories, feelings, sensations, words, thoughts, doubts, secrets, all the miscalls, all the messages back and forth between police, all the emotions, EVERYTHING spills onto the pavement.

All rain can do is watch.

“I’m sorry.” You choke on your own breath

“Dear you have nothing to be sorry for.” His voice is appalling, it’s reaching out and making it harder to breathe.

That’s when he carefully guided you back to the hotel room, pampering you and washing off your makeup.

“I don’t wanna be anything anymore” you sobbed into his hand that wrapped around you.

Rain pulls the blankets up to your chin, he’s not sure what you need but you’re feeling no different so there’s nothing anyone can do but simmer in the moment.

“What?” Rain is getting concerned, he just wanted to make sure you were ok.

“I’m exhausted of being responsible.” You stain the blankets a darker color with your tears.

“I- I think i understand. I know what you mean, I’m so sorry.” He brings your frog pillow that’s at the foot of the bed to your arms, letting you immediately latch onto it.

You’re silent.

“You didn’t deser-“ rains cut off by you, “please don’t say it, that’s all anyone ever says, that’s all I ever hear, that’s all I know.”

“I’m tired of everyone being sorry”

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

I was watching black mirror the other day

and if you don't know I'll give you a plot synopsis of this episode.

it's called "Be Right Back"

and it's about this woman Martha who's boyfriend/fiancé dies in a car accident and this woman at the funeral keeps preaching about this app in beta that allows you to talk with your dead loved ones. Martha screams at the woman and is still actively grieving.

later a few months down her mother signs her up for the app and she reluctantly tries it, she's confused but she actually really likes the ai chatbot boyfriend/fiancé.

she starts getting healthier and going out more, and learns she's pregnant with dead boyfriend/fiancé's kid but with the help of ai chat bot boyfriend/fiancé she's taking it pretty well.

eventually there's this upgrade where she can put her ai boyfriend/fiancé in a robot body and she shells out and does it.

it looks exactly like him and she is happy for a while.

but ai boyfriend/fiancé robot is just not dead boyfriend/fiancé and she has a mental breakdown and tries to make ai boyfriend/fiancé robot jump off a cliff. the robot doesn't and they both scream and cry.

flash forward like 8-10 years, and the kid is 8-10 and looks extremely happy, it's her birthday and she asks to take a piece of cake up for her dad. Martha agrees and helps her up into the attic where robodad lives, the kid is super happy and is playing and joking with her robodad and eating a extra slice of cake. martha stares at the audience with a blank face and the episode ends.

so basically that's what happened, but like... what was the bad thing that happened??? no genuinely I have been flipping it over in my mind, and in reality what happened was a messy robot divorce.

they didn't touch on actually anything predatory about ai chatbot dead loved ones, they didn't make any parallels with scammer mediums and psychics, they didn't even like touch on the fact the ai chat bot loved one boyfriend/fiancé was a subscription service.

like what they said was "all ai chat bots? BAD. all robots? BAD." and didn't even critique anything meaningful.

in all honesty this was actually a great ending? this family is loving and kinda weird, but the kid is beyond happy and healthy, Martha has a job, and robodad gets to see his kid on the weekend.

what on earth is bad about that? genuinely there is not a single downside or bad thing here, it was a messy robot divorce that's what happened and like despite that? they have a loving family!

like this is such a non-issue I can't even believe I had a sense of dread when watching it, like "upload (2020)" does actually a better critique of the whole robot/ai loved ones thing.

hell other shows and movies from before this do a better job! like I've seen literally a play/ballet about the same fucking thing! it did a better job than black mirror!

like this is such a bland, stupid critique on robots and ai loved ones. like genuinely the worst take I've seen, the whole episode was more of a sad story of grief and loss then critical analysis on the state of ai loved ones/robots.

like fuck, it's just snobby pretentious not even analysis on these issues! hell I would have focused more on the pay to play aspect of it all like IN REAL LIFE than just hand waving away the actually important parts of the conversation!!!!

like it's such a disappointing and anti-tech and anti-mental illness look at it all, like guess what we saw in the episode?

Martha actually get better and didn't neglect herself and was able to take care of herself and child and live a happy life!

she would still have been depressed and suicidal without ai boyfriend/fiancé, and she wouldn't have been able to care for her kid as well as if she was mostly happier and healthier in the current time line.

like this episode is more of a PRO-tech/ai episode then most black mirror ones!

like everything talked about in that episode "Upload (2020)" does x10 better, even though it came out many years later. it does a hugely better job at handling all these topics in an interesting and thought provoking way.

I don't know I just think this episode is a trash analysis on ai/robot loved ones, and they should have focused more on the predatory aspects of having to pay to see your loved ones and the whole subscription model parts. like such a missed opportunity!

the episode gets a 6.7/10 could have been so much better, yet they just didn't make any meaningful analysis about anything.

[mrschwartz]

some stuff i'd like to share about the primavera sound são paulo show

when the crew was setting up the stage, they brought out 3 (!!!) mirrorballs but none of them went up during any of the songs for some reason :(

when davey latter was taping the setlists to the floor before the show, i screamed "davey!!!!!!! please give me a setlist!!!!!!!!" and he smiled and waved in my direction. after the show ended i went up to the barricade when the were cleaning out the stage and i shouted at the crew onstage to try and snag one but no one heard me and i felt bad for screaming at those poor people lol so i gave it up

hearing the initial notes of sculptures of anything goes as the opener is a memory i'll never ever forget. i dreamed about it but i thought they were idiots and were never gonna do it. i still need to go through my footage one more time but i don't think my videos of that song are even salvageable lol

alex was Gorgeous. again, i was fully expecting the blue shirt or the green mechanic jacket again, but when he came out wearing that suit i started crying gjnjgvnbjgb (in my defense it was a combination of things)

the crowd was Insane. i went by myself and all throughout the wait for the monkeys show i made friends with everyone around me, and everyone was so so nice, and SO in love with tbhc and the car. and when the show started everyone danced and jumped to every song, and SCREAMED every word to every song (and the riffs!!!! and sometimes the DRUMS hdjskdkdjdk), sometimes i could barely even hear alex. the best crowd i've ever been in by far in my life, not just the monkeys but any show. if in the pro-shot you can't hear the crowd, i guarantee 10000% it's a LIE nfjngjb, and we were muted. because we were deafening

speaking of that, the band Definitely noticed our enthusiasm, they kept smiling at each other like "are you hearing this?", and alex smiled BIG after every song, waving at us and blowing kisses <3

every time alex did something alex like just walking around or dancing weird or waving at the crowd, everyone lost their collective minds screaming, and i caught matt laughing about it a few times jdkskfkfkf

alex held his neck during 505. and i. YELLED

before the encore, the whole band came on stage but not alex, and they started playing the intro to mirrorball and still no sign of him. then i saw him strutting slowly on to the stage and the intro was ending and i was like "!!!!!!!!!! hurry you're gonna miss your cue!!!!" but then he picked up his pace a bit and got to the mic on time and all was right in the end jfvngjbng

some overall highlights for me: sculptures opening (everything everything about it, alex's voice, his gasp, his movements and especially the "twizzling 'round an umbrella" one, the instrumentation!!!!!!!!, the sheer surprise of it opening, everything) the body paint solo (they extended it a bit like they've been doing!), the new four out of five arrangement, potion approaching return!!! (after they finished it, i screamed "thank you for playing humbug!!!" and alex waved and smiled at my section of the crowd nvjfnjfn), the car the song (NFJDNJFNJG????????? GOD.), alex playing cornerstone with the vox (i got SO confused), alex dancing in slow motion to the pretty visitors slow breakdown (it was so sexy, but sexy like in that weird alex way y'all know yeah everyone knows, everyone in the crowd lost their minds njfvnjg), the crowd losing it during the 505 drop, and alex's falsetto in mirrorball

i have only One complaint which is. there were two cameramen for the band (meaning not employees of the festival, but theirs), that positioned themselves at stage height and right on the space between the stage and the crowd, and one of them partially blocked my view of the stage and completely blocked some people's. they looked really apologetic about it but that didn't change the fact that they were right There. ugh it was annoying. hope a good analog video that the band loves so much comes out of it at least, for my troubles

[yellowloid]

Hello! I wanted to share my experience since I saw your post about recent gig, if it's ok :) I was in Paris at the Accor Arena too, but on May 10th. It was their 3rd show in a row and for some reason I was worried that they would be tired by this point, but no!! Alex was in some kind of an upper mood, quite excited even. Yeah, somewhere between songs he said "we are (or I am) exhausted at this point, but we are so happy" or smth like that. In fact, English is not my first language, and it was difficult to understand him sometimes, and I understood some phrases only after the concert from the fan videos on Instagram lol

Btw, he spoke French quite often that day, almost more than English ahahha. He greeted us in French, constantly thanked us in French with merci, "big ideas" was also said in French, and during dsdcihmyc he shouted "chair" in French. And during Body Paint, he awkwardly touched a standing guitar with a cord and dropped it that I couldn’t stop laughing afterwards. But outro BP was something incredibly exciting, he was great, completely immersed in what he was doing. During I wanna be yours, I almost cried, he sang it so soulfully, as if mentally returning to past happy moments in his memory. Oh, and yes, we had Cornerstone. Sorry...

As for the crowd, I completely agree with you. But, even though I had sitting places, already on the second song everyone stood up and did not sit down until the very end, dancing and screaming (me in particularly). To the right and left sides of me there were cute grandfathers in earplugs (funny that there alone, like they literally came to listen to the group, not to spend time with their grandchildren), who danced more actively than me and filmed every song on the phone ahhaha, it was very nice to see them! And before the encore, the stadium was shaking with clatter and I had goosebumps all over my body, the applause did not stop for a minute until they came out again. But yes, there was clearly a revival on the hype songs from AM, and on the songs from The Car everyone calmed down a bit. Of course, this is not Glasto, but still the audience was on fire.

And there were many more moments when he sang "I am a fool for you" directly to the camera, shouted something in the middle of the songs or between them, bowled on Pretty Visitors, said some little phrases between each song, it's unforgettable. I even had a mental breakdown after the concert, like only after the gig I realized that I saw them live and that they all were REAL indeed. Alex is so tiny sweety pie, and when he was blowing kisses at the very end and smiling sincerely, it made him look like a child. I just love them all so so much. I want to go to one more concert, because it really went disastrously fast.

Best experience in my life, happy that you also had it! ❤️

how dare you do this to me while i'm still drowning in concert nostalgia sjhdggdgsg

the usual french banter was actually so wholesome at my show too <3 definitely expected him to say something more but you won't catch me complaining shfgsg. and the "LA CHAISE" moment at yours was so random and silly how did y'all not collectively eat him. also not him dropping a guitar LMAOOOO

and i absolutely agree, body paint is already such a powerful song (it's been in my top three from the car from the very first moment eheheh) but hearing it live is just so........uGH it's soso powerful and the instrumental part when he always goes to jamie and they do their thing is absolutely beautiful and intense and aaaaa <///3

ugh i'll never forgive them for not giving me cornerstone and i was very upset about that BUT i have to say i probably would've been even MORE upset if they played perfect sense because i feel like it's rarer yknow? it's much more likely for them to play cornerstone (for obvious reasons) rather than perfect sense or even star treatment (which thankfully i got sjghdgf)

also iwby.......yeah. he always looks so pensive when he sings that and i'm like who HURT you babygirl <////3

yeah about the audience it was exactly the same at my show, we were all standing up and jumping around for most of the concert (mostly am and fwn tracks) but then the majority would go dead for specific songs, mostly from the car. but you can BET i was still singing my heart out. and also YEAH can we talk about the applause at the end of the main set and after the encore???? it just didn't stop it lasted SO LONG and it was SO WELL DESERVED because they were AMAZING

i awww'ed out loud at the grandfathers that is literally so sweet. i hope they had a great time :')

i don't remember if he bowled at my show but he did raise the mic stand in the air during pretty visitors sjfhsgfgs i also think he did something similar to what you said during sias, or maybe another song i don't remember - but yeah he pointed directly at the camera and i saw it on the big screen and almost collapsed right there and then lmao. and when he kept waving goodbye and blowing kisses and smiling he was so pretty and he really looked happy to be there and i just never wanted him to get off stage :') i truly wanted that moment to last forever.

the feeling you get once you realize that you're actually seeing them/you saw them is CRAZY. like they exist! they're real and tangible and you were in the same place as them! breathing the same air! and right after it's done (it literally goes by so fast) you start missing them so much. it's almost been two weeks and i'm still so emotional and nostalgic <///3 i love them so much and i miss them terribly.

thank you for sharing your experience anon, it was a pleasure reading about it and i'm happy we both had a great time!!

[its-a-geeks-world]

Rollercoasters and CSI: a breakdown:

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation:

S01 E05 “Friends and Lovers”:

The coaster that shows up in this episode is none other than the world-famous ‘Big Apple Coaster’, also known as the ‘Manhattan Express’. This coaster has been decorating the New York New York Hotel & Casino in Vegas since 1997 and has since become not only an icon of the city, but one of the most famous coasters for coaster enthusiasts and non-enthusiasts alike.

S01 E22 “Evaluation Day”

The rollercoaster Warrick and Grissom ride at the end of this episode sadly doesn’t exist anymore. It was called ‘Speed – The Ride’, and it was located at the Nascar Café at the old Sahara Hotel in Vegas. The ride operated from 2000 to 2011. It was a shuttle loop coaster, which means that the coaster traveled its layout twice; once forwards, once backwards. Props to W. Petersen and G. Dourdan for daring to ride it.

S04 E21 “Turn of the Screws”

The roller coaster that serves as the crime scene in this episode isn’t actually located in Las Vegas – the real one, that is. ‘Pharaoh’s Fury’ was actually the ‘Screaming Mummy’, which operated at the former Pharaoh’s Lost Kingdom family park in Redlands, California, now Splash Kingdom Waterpark, the location where the park scenes were shot. After several relocations, the ride currently operates in a park in Michigan.

Aditionally, though not shown, throughout the episode Grissom and Woody, the ride operator, mention several real-life coasters. These include the ‘Desperado’ in Primm, Nevada, ‘The Beast’ and ‘Son of Beast’ at Kings Island, Ohio, the latter of which was the first modern-day wooden coaster to feature a vertical loop (hence the “head over heels” comment from Grissom), the ‘Steel Phantom’ (now ‘Phantom’s Revenge’ at Kennywood, Pennsylvania), and the 'American Eagle' at Illinois’ Six Flags Great America.

CSI: Vegas:

S01 E10 “Signed, Sealed, Delivered”

The rollercoaster featured in the season finale of CSI: Vegas where that long-awaited GSR kiss finally happens isn’t actually in Vegas either. Just like the Mosaic Casino, the Mosaic coaster doesn’t exist. Instead, Mr. Petersen and Ms. Fox took a trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain in Valencia, California, to ride one of its coasters: ‘Goliath’. Then, they altered the footage to make it seem like the coaster is located in Sin City. Here you can see a comparision between the show footage, and real footage of the coaster.

CSI: Cyber

S01 E02 “CMND:/Crash"

This one is actually a bit of a mystery, and there isn’t a lot of information out there. As evidenced by the stills from the episode (the two on top and the one right below on the left), several different coasters were used but made seem like it was the same one. I couldn’t identify how many, or which ones they were. I can only say that the one with the corkscrews (see below) is actually a rollercoaster at Heide Park Resort in Germany, of all places. Needless to say, it was probably stock footage. You can see a picture of the real coaster right next to it.

My best guess? Since we barely see the actual "ride" layout and the only long scenes happen at the "station" and with the wrecked car... Is it too far-fetched to think there's no real coaster and they built it for the episode? Who knows.

Bonus:

On some of the opening credits for CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, the very first frame we are shown features the iconic coaster that wraps around the top of the Stratosphere tower in Las Vegas: the ‘High Roller’. This was, of course, very real, but it was torn down in 2006. Fun fact: they actually cut the coaster into tiny pieces and sent them down the elevator.

And that’s it, everybody! If you’ve read this far, thank you so much for sticking with me while I talk about two of my loves in this life; CSI and rollercoasters (one of the only things Griss and I have in common). Hope you enjoyed, and if anyone has any information to add/correct, feel free to let me know.

[the-acid-pear]

Thinking of my mother and my therapist again I'm thinking of how often she attempts to have me forgive her or at least passively puts the thought on my head but, how are you supposed to forgive someone who made you want to kill yourself? How do you forgive someone who made you feel like the only way out of this misery you were put through day after day was to be hit by a car launched straight to meet your creator?

Sometimes she calls out to the fact there must have been some happy memories and yes, yes they were, there was laughing and there were jokes and there were hugs and kisses, although I cannot remember her ever comforting me while I cried or had a panic attack, only giving me the cold shoulder if not outright mocking me (I was 16 when I left the house, I lived with her 10 years, I was just a kid). But how are you meant to find anything in those acts again when you know for a fact that person never loved you?

She just tried doing the bare minimum to what in her head meant to love. And that did not include basic decency.

I still remember the countless times I was having full on mental breakdowns in public because of her. Choking up, unable to breath, crying and screaming and trembling while she looked at me expressionless, as I begged for her to change, to be better, to be there for me. I just wanted a mother.

And sure, she might be legally obligued to give money now, and my therapist believes this woman would go out of her way to meet me (she won't, if this aren't served for her she won't move a finger, not for me, in 10 years she only once did it), and she sometimes looks into medical shit my therapist asks her to do, but that's so meaningless. All these things feel like when you win a trial for the life of someone and they give you money. No amount of money will give me back the years I lost. No amount of money will cure my PTSD, among other things I was left with. No amount of money will give me the mother she refused to be when I needed her the most.

There's no forgiving for a person who tried to take away everything from you, and who to this day refuses to see it was her fault. There just isn't.

[woodcoltonloc]

20, 28, and 29 for the ao3 asks!!!

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

hmm its probably:

find me in our nowheres: In 1987, gates to the Upside Down started opening around the world. The CIA and Department of Energy recruit an unwilling Nancy, Jonathan, Steve and Robin to close them.

or

half of my soul: my "steve and robin get platonic married" au

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

hands down it's easily:

the wine of life: After the Upside Down, Steve, Nancy, Robin and Vickie take the '90s to rest and grow up. Along the way, there's weddings, kids, a treehouse and one car breakdown. (aka my stancy & rockie slice-of-life future fic)

this fic was so much fun to write and was so full of happiness and hope and love. plus it's extra special to me because it sprang from the group chat so it just has such a cozy place in my heart.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

this one is so hard because there's a lot that I loved this year. let's go with this long passage from after the storm (my immediately post s3 stobin fic):

The water is hot against her skin. She wasn’t expecting it to be, for some reason. Probably because at her house the water turned cold after five minutes. But Steve must have a better heater or something because it’s still so hot. Her skin turns red and when she pulls her arm out of the spray, steam rises from her skin. She’s surprised to see small fireworks burns on her hands and arms.

She stands there under the spray for a while, listening to herself breathing, the in-and-out of being alive. The bathroom echoes it all around her. She’s alive, she’s alive, she’s alive. She’s realizing that she hasn’t totally caught onto this fact the past few days.

She lets the heat rush over her, just to say she’s feeling something, before grabbing the shampoo bottle, opens the cap and breathes in the mango/peach scent. She feels a little bit like a crazy person, smelling the shampoo. She’s alive, she’s alive, she’s alive. She can smell mangoes and peaches. She’s never eaten a mango, but maybe she will now. She’s alive.

She washes her hair twice, before picking up the lemon body wash and smelling that too. Washes her body three times. Scrubs lemon wash into her skin and under her nails until her nails feel like they’re splintering. Remembers Steve doesn’t have any nails on his right hand. Remembers Steve’s body spasming, hears his screaming as the Russians pull out his nails and ask who do you work for. She listens to her own breathing for a few long minutes. She’s alive. Steve’s alive.

[ilikebirdsouo]

THOUGHTS part 3: episodes 5 and 6, YET AGAIN, major warning for cussing, yelling/caps, long post, AAAAAAND HUGE HUGE SPOILER WARNING!!!

also small note!! I stopped watching the sixth episode about a quarter of the way through before rewinding and recording my thoughts SO that one mostly has my first reactions! Also I was gonna post a final thingy about what I thought about the series overall BUT!! Im pushing that to tomorrow maybe- ANYWHO!! THOUGHTS!!!

Episode 5 🚗(oh boy)

So first off we have yellow talking about a dream or something and then has a slight mental breakdown and…. Oh this is gonna be a fun one aint it?

OOH ITS LIKE THE THE FLY TRAILER!!

Duck taking inventory on the household <333

Duck and yellow bonding 🥺💕💕💕 such a nice thing to see after the shit we’ve seen those two go through this whole season…

Oh Red’s sick of this shit.. AGAIN!!!

“I have my own system, don’t get involved >:((“ THIS QUOTE GOD- IVE SAID THIS THING SO MANY TIMES BEFORE WHY IS DUCK BEING SO RELATABLE FOR ME THIS SEASON OMG-

DUCK AND YELLOWS SCREAM WHEN RED HATED ON THE CLIPBOARD I CANT- 

“You don’t mean that!! He doesn’t mean that-“ 

DUCK AND YELLOW ARE SO SWEET IN THIS EPISODE I AM GOING TO CRY THANK YOU THANK YOU- at least SOMEONE is being sweet to duck- unlike red that fucking asshole who is upset and makes it everyone else’s problem (red pissed me off this season I’m sorry 👉👈, don’t worry red I still love you/p) 

TELEPORTATION 

“But that’s not allowed!” …wait a minute- WAIT A MINUTE IVE HAD AN EPIPHANY (SCRAMBLES AND RUSHES TO ALL MY MAIN AUS-) 

What’s odd to me is seemingly, Duck and Yellow seem to forget a lot- I won’t say everything per se but.. a lot of their memories just feel as if they’ve been lost- even in response to prior episodes-

WAIT OFF TOPIC BUT I NOW REALIZE THIS SERIES SO FAR CAN CONNECT TO MOST OF MY AUS IM- (does a little dance that pisses you off)

“Oh right this kind of thing-“ oh yeah what other thing do you think we were thinking of duck?

I LOVE HOW MESSED UP THE BACKGROUND IS- POOR TONY AHAGSGVSHS

“Ow!! Go around.. that's just rude”

Old pathetic man

Old crippling man

SHGSGS I LOVE THIS SERIES IM SORRY-

WHY DID YOU COUGH ON DUCKS SPECIFICALLY AND THEN SAY “ OH WHYS THIS STUFF HERE” YOU PUT THAT THERE YOU-

I LOVE THE TRANSPORTATION SONG VISUALS!! I LOVE HOW PISSED OFF DUCK LOOKS THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE THING SHAGSGHSHS-

ALSO RED GUY HAS ZOIDBERG MOUTH!!

“Where are they going?!” “Speak into my ea-“ “WHERE ARE THEY GOING?!!?”

“You don’t want it I can have it?” (Also I love how Duck looks in this frame-) “what are you gonna do with a rock?” “That’s my business! Private business!!”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

OLD DECEASED CAR MAN

“Well he’s dead!” Duck talks about death so casually-

“Let’s get out of this disgusting corpse shall we?” HSGSHSHHDHS

Red guy just wanting to leave, to travel… I really do think still he’s aware of a lot more- he wants to be aware of a lot more.. it’s very interesting to me..

“We dont have the transportation man, it’s just us three! We can’t just do stuff when it’s us three-” HMMMMMMM

HSGSGSS RED GUY JUST PICKING UP RANDOM TAPES WHICH ARE OUT IF ORDER WAS SOMETHING I RELATE TO- sometimes I’m given something with no signification of order and I’m just a discombobulated mess when that happens- you HAVE to start at number 1-

RED LOWKEY JUST BREAKS THROUGH THE WALL-

I love that during all the driving stuff and everything afterwards… you have this overwhelming feeling… these guys aren’t supposed to be here. At least.. I had that feeling- something went wrong- that wasn’t supposed to happen- 

“Why is it so hard to look at? Be still!!” MORE DUCK TRAITS THAT RELATE TO MEEEEE

Red is so happy about this all.. meanwhile Duck and Yellow are just.. lost- 

I’m telling you there is something more to the surface

The fact that the little uh map device thing first suggested they go home was… hm.

‘Clayhill’ “oh I’m sorry that place doesn’t exist anymore!” :((((( DAMMIT 

The whole map device scene was interesting- it was trying to direct them to places specific- home especially..

“Were you meant to do that?” HMMMMMMMM

“I mean just look at me, just look at how excited I’m getting!” And then Duck just fucking looks at him

WAIT TIME CHILD I WANT TO KNOW HIM WHATS GOING ON IN THAT LESSON I WANT TO GO!! Can duck come with?

TONY- SHSGSBDBBD-

GOD- wait does this mean he’s been aware this whole time and has just been.. chillin I guess?

“Aw what? :((“

I LOVE THIS SONG AND!! THE PUPPETS LOOK AT THE GUYS THEY ARE SO HAPPY GEE OH MY I HOPE NOTHING BAD HAPPENS AT ALL!!!

Ok but reds little horn-

I LOVE THE SCENES WHERE DUCK AND YELLOW ARE JUST VIBING ON THE CAR- THEN THEY FALL OUT THE WINDOW AND SJSGGSHHDJD THEN!! Then the scene where yellow is CHASING AFTER THE CAR I-

Wait also can we just talk about ducks posters..? Like for a second? Duck with SUNGLASSES DOING THE THING MONTY DOES, THE THE SUNGLASSES TILT! DUCK IS A FUCKIBG FUSION OF ALL MY GUYS ARENT THEY? THEN THE DUCK POSTERS- gay gay homosexual gay

Duck sleeping on yellows shoulder 🥺

Also gee that one guy yellow picked up off the side of the road sure looks familiar in a very vague way!! I LOVE THAT RED LOWKEY THROWS HIM OUT- HORN HONKING INCLUDED-

“It’s like we’re being back at home except louder and smaller-“ DUCK STOP HAVING MY THOUGHTS- they get it ROAD-TRIPS ARE A TRAP

Duck gets all happy to do visual inventory again <333

YELLOW WITH FLAT NOT POKY HAIR IS A SIGHT I DONT WANT TO SEE AGAIN THANK YOU

The whole scene of duck getting their little nice spot in the back seat was nice, look at them finally getting the relaxation they deserve- LET THEM HAVE THIS

Oh no duck likes raisins:(((

“We’re not gonna live together?!” :(( 

I love the artstyle in the whole uhm the town neighborhood thingy- 

PLEASE NEVER SHOW ME DUCK DOG EVER AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK

Please tell me the “rat” which is actually a bird is a reference to pigeons.. flying rats as they are called

Also “Oh it’s a rat or some kind of worthless animal” FUCK YOU

YELLOW FUCKING GETS HIT BY A CAR I-

The oddly realistic bird… hm

The fuel stuff sounds like a heart monitor at first-

“Groulton always makes his appointment and then no matter what happens they always start the next episode back at home!!!!”

Oh fuck it’s still alive

“What the hell are you doing?!” HELL!!! THATS A WORD!!! WOOHOO YIPPEE

“It’s that pathetic vehicle person from before!!” HEY I CALLED HIM PATHETIC EARLIER TOO!!!!

“I’m not supposed to be out this far”

“Let’s just turn back!”

“I changed my mind, I want to go home”

“I'M NOT GOING BACK TO THAT HOUSE!!”

OH GOD THE GLITCHING THE GLITCHING OH MUSGSVSHXHNXNX (foams at the mouth) MY HSGSSG MY HEADCANNONNSSSHHSSH

REALITY!!!!

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

I’m shaking, TREMBLING EVEN

I don’t even have the words for this whole next scene I-

Wow is all I can say.

OH ALSO I SAW DUCKS CAN IN THE BACKGROUNDDDDD~

OK OKOKO WHO SHSHSJ WHO IS THE HUMAN PERSON WHO IS YSHHSHSHSJDNJD

EPISODE 6 ⚡️

Ok starting it all off, we see the normal house music box thingy.. but it’s different, it’s dark, there’s an odd mosaic of the trio (which would buy and implant in my wall btw) looking over the house.. somethings wrong and this is easy to assume after how things ended off previously.. the house speeds up it’s spin, alongside that the music goes distorted… something is gonna happen

We cut to the kitchen where things, as was foreshadowed last episode with the Wallace and Gromit parody.. no matter what happens in the episode, the characters will always return to their roots.. like normal.. like they are supposed to.. (the script the script THE SCRIPT AS IVE SAID!!!)

Duck doing a crossword 🥺 I’m sorry I’m just not coping well with the fact I am already not gonna see them again for a very long time.

“That’s a tricky one!” THEY SAID THE LINE!! ALSO- d… duck.. it’s up- how did you not guess..

“Try above?” Red..

Oh god is the shredder the next bowling ball?

YELLOW JUST LOWKEY THROWS THE PLATE AWAY

THE PLATES JUST FALL ON HIM BRO IM 😭😭

“Haha” RED WHY ARE YOUBLAUGHING

“Electricity is silly stuff that ought to be free” 🍷🦆 Cheers to that dear

I LOVE THE ELECTRICITY TEACHER!!!! I LOVE HER

“What the hell are you gonna do with them?!” 

I LOVE THE FUCKING BEAT BTW

HER SONG IS A FUCKING BOP HOLY SHIT-

QUIZ SHOW!!!

THE POOR PET WHAT THE HELL- also.. why are there.. why are there wires..?

God the shredder is the new bowling ball I’m going to cry- OK BUT DUCK BANGING OUT THE TUNES- THEY ARE SUCH A GOOD SINGER <33333

somehow I’m a lot less upset about Duck liking the shredder-

QUITAR SOLO HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!

(ok from this point forward, everything was new to me)

“Electricity isn’t real guys!!”

Y.. yellow what

“No stupid you’re not run by batteries! Isnt he stupid?!” “Yeah he sure is-“ DUCK, RED PLEASE

YELLOW WHAT THE FUCK- HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD FUCKING BATTERIES THERE WHAT..

DUCK JUST STEALS HER FUCKINBG BATTERIES I- 

GREEN EYES YELLOW HAS GREEN EYES I FUCKIING KNEW IT- 

ALSO THATS THE GUY FROM THE REFLECTION FROM THE PREVIOUS EPISODE HELLO???

“He… finished it-“ 

“Finished… the whole thing..”

“ I thought he couldn’t read” RED-

YELLOW WHO ARE YOU

I love how utterly shocked red and Duck are- 

“I don’t like this-“ “yeah you. You shouldn’t do this kind of thing”

“Tariff?! Stop showing off!! I can make up words too you know- watch (insert poor attempt to make a new word) -DAMMIT-“ (duck saying dammit was my favorite thing ever btw) 

“STOP MAKING UP WORDS!!!”

“Hang on Hang on that's wildly misleading” YELLOW!?????

WHO ARE YOU?!?

“It’s almost like.. you’re teaching me..” -sincerely, a teacher

“What is happening here?! today has gone all wrong!!!!”

“No stop it!!! That’s not what you say!! It’s you who’s gone wrong!!” (You can hear the tears and cracks in their voice and I HATE IT 😭😭)

It’s so interesting how yellows change in character threw duck and red off… yellow is acting different, not like he’s supposed to, and Duck and red hate it- duck nearly has a breakdown over it!! They are the “smart one” not him.. there’s this personality that’s expected of yellow.. and it’s really interesting how his personality changing threw off everything, Duck, red, the teacher(s)…

In the background I heard red and duck talking panickedly.. you can hear the change in their voice.. “but.. but he’s gone wrong…”

NORMAL YELLOW GUY IN THE!! REFLECTION!!

“At least it doesn’t hurt to think anymore..”

 “But they seem upset with us!” “Hmm, well. Maybe they’re (red and Duck) not in charge of us anymore..” “maybe they never were” 

Fucking god this family can’t escape talking objects can they?

YELLOW JUST LEAVES-

“Well, see you later then” :((

THE PICTURE IN THE BACKGROUND.. WAS THIS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?!

THE COMMERCIAL BREAK TUNE IS REVERSED OR SOMETHING

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE

WHY ARE THEIR ARMS LIKE THAT

Duck reminds me of big bird like that BUT STILL

ARE are are they fucking stoners?

WAIT WAIT ARE THEY IN A METH LAB

FUCKING GOD WHAT THE HELL

HHAHAHAHAHAHHS

THE TEACHERS I CANT-

RED(?) AND DUCK(?) ARE LOWKEY JUST JAMMING- 

puppeteers puppeteers PUPPETEERS!!!!!!

What the hell.

What the hell are Red and Duck doing now?!

“I’m actually glad the person who gave us this boring non electric urn died-“ AND HE JUST FUCKING THROWS IT ON THE GROUND-

Also was ducks face on the urn..?

DUCK HAS DIED MULTIPLE TIMES THERE ARE CANS OF THEIR GUTS EVERYWHERE WHY IS NO ONE IN THE HOUSEHOLD QUESTIONING IT-

Lol they lost power- OK BUT WHY DID THEY NEED THAT MUCH ELECTRICITY STUFF?!!

OK WHO THE HELL ARE THESE TWO NOW- WE HAVE GEOMETRIC HEAD RED GUY AND WEIRD AS HELL DUCK I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN-

“..and I’ve been questioning the very nature of my reality-“ “pfft is that all?” 

Duck with a long neck and wings is weird, but as odd as this design is, it looks neat!! I actually kinda like it!!

WHAT

WHAT THE FUCK

awhat 

WHAT

WHATHSHSH

UH

“Oh why don’t you experiment on eachother?!” 

“….so, would you be keen-“ “you’re not to touch me-“

OK WHAT WAS THAT SCENE UH- HELLO?!??

Fucking god, going to normal red and duck after that scene in particular was a trip let me tell ya-

DUCK HAS A PHONE SHSGHS

WAIT

CHECKERBOARDVOIDCHECKERBOARDVOIDCHECK!!!

WHO IS SHE?!??

WAIT

awhat human actual human

THE MOZAIC!!! THE SHAPES THE PIANO THE… house

LESLIE?!??

HELLO?!!

THOSE ARE THE ITEMS FROM THE PREVIOUS EPISODES WHAHAHS

WAIT.. it’s like a doll house… they are.. being played with like dolls like… puppets

OK BUT THE STITCHES AND STUFF ON HER FACE IS JUST!! OUAGHH!! I love her outfit

THE SUITCASE IS DEAD?!?!

“Wait, do we know him?” Does that mean I was right..? That they do forget?

FUCKING GOD THAT STEAK SCARED THE HELL OUTVOFVME BUT… poor guy :(( his eye.. he’s dead technically but not..? I remember actually making this a point in my bad end au story once, of course that au is scrapped but I… I can work with this..

TONY THEY KILLED HIM THEY- ALSO ROY?!? Ok he isn’t dead he’s just chilling but.. sir- uh hi-

THE FRIDGE IS DEAD-

STEAKS HUSBAND-

DUCKS HEADLESS CORPSE-

GOD- 

ALSO SKETCHBOOK-

:((((

With the context of my main au that whole scene is just.. terrifying… 

Oughh I love the design of the mini house I’m a sucker for small things like small props and furniture- OUGH-

The guys! Also Leslie put Yellow down, red is just there already, and yellow puts duck down.. their head falling off in the process- this probably isn’t important but I felt it was interesting to mention, mostly a note to myself

“I always make sure I have plenty of backups” no fucking way no fucking way no fuCKING WAY NO-

ONE BIRD WITH TWO (or in this case.. infinite) STONES, A SILLY THEORY IVE HAD SINCE THE BEGINNING, WHERE DUCK IS CONSTANTLY BEING BROUGHT BACK DUE TO CLONES- JAHAHAHAHHAHAHAGHAGAGAHA I WAS RIGHT!!! IW AS RIGHT!!!

GOING FUCKING EVIL MODE RN HOLY SHIT

THE DRAWER WITH ALL THE DUCK CLONES OH MY GOD IM SHAKING IM TREMBLING I SUHSHSBSJAJAJJAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAAHAHAHAHA

HEHEH

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE- oh I’m gonna make a whole new au/headcannon/theory for this-

What’s.. that book..?

“YOURE NOT MY REAL SON!!!!” WHAT WAITVHOLD ON

WHAT DID

awhat 

WHAT

Wait…. There was.. another staircase..?

“Well.. it’s just not that great is it..? I wouldn’t mind looking at the house again.. and maybe looking at you-“

WHAT

“Really? You like looking at me?”

WHAAT

“Uh.. yeah I suppose I do-“

WHAAAT

“Well I like looking at you too.” “Hm…thanks.. for that”

WHAT

HELLO??????

I CONSIDER THIS AN ABSOLUTE WIN

WAITVWHATS THIS NOW?!?DUCK STOP RIPPING OUT PEOPLES BATTERIES ALL WILLY NILLY OH MY GOD-

Oh uh- yellows normal again uh..

Yellow dont fuck this up

Yellow please 

“Something.. shreddable!” YELLOW-

OH NO

STOP SHREDDING IT THERES ACTUAL STUFF IN THERE WAIT-

WHY ARE THEY LAUGHING WHAT WAS IN TAHT BOOK WAIT I NEED ANSWERS HANGBON HSHSHSBBSNSJSJ

WHAT

WHAT

NO THAT CANT BE IT WHAT

WHAT. DOES. THIS. MEAN. 

ARE.. are they trapped like this forever..?

I-

We-

JAGAGHSHHAHAHSHSHS

WHAT!!!!!!!

IM GONNA BE THINKING ABOUT THIS EPISODE FOR A WHILE-

[guess-my-next-obsession]

To celebrate hitting 800 followers this week, I will be doing a fun little series of oneshots inspired by various songs from the incredible Taylor Swift (since she is the QUEEN of angsty/fluffy fic inspo)!

All I want you to do is to read through these categories, pick your character, category and song number, and send in your request!

Also—thank you all so much for your support/reads/reblogs/comments/follows/literally everything. I’m flabbergasted by the fact that 800+ of you like me/my content enough to press follow. genuinely. you’re all the best. i love you, truly. sincerely. forevaaa.

(Prompts crossed out have either been posted or are WIP)

Characters:

Pedro Pascal

Din Djarin

Javier Peña

Javi Gutierrez

Robb Stark

Sebastian Stan

Angst Inspo:

Last Kiss — “All that I know is I don’t know how to be something you miss. I never thought we’d have a last kiss.”

I Knew You Were Trouble — “I heard you moved on from whispers on the street. A new notch in your belt is all I’ll ever be.”

I Almost Do — “And I confess, babe, in my dreams you’re touching my face and asking me if I wanna try again with you. And I almost do.”

All Too Well — “You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine, and that made me want to die.”

Right Where You Left Me — “Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion? Breakups happen every day, you don't have to lose it. She's still twenty-three inside her fantasy, and you're sitting in front of me.”

Illicit Affairs — “And you wanna scream don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby": Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else.”

Dancing With Our Hands Tied — “And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis. People started talking, putting us through our paces. I knew there was no one in the world who could take it, I had a bad feeling.”

Back To December — “Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind. You gave me roses and I left them there to die.”

The Way I Loved You — “I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain. It’s 2 a.m. and I’m cursing your name. So in love that I acted insane, and that’s the way I loved you.”

Sad Beautiful Tragic — “Distance, timing, breakdowns, fighting, silence, the train runs off it’s tracks. Kiss me, try to fix it, will you just try to listen? Hang up, give up, for the life of us we can’t get back.”

Fluff Inspo:

Begin Again — “And we walked down the block to my car and I almost brought him up, but you start to talk about the movies that your family watches every single Christmas, and I will talk about that and for the first time, what’s past is past.”

Ours — “Seems like there's always someone who disapproves. They'll judge it like they know about me and you, and the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do. The jury's out, but my choice is you.”

You Are In Love — “You kiss on sidewalks, you fight and you talk. One night he wakes, strange look on his face, pauses, then says, “you're my best friend,”. And you knew what it was, he is in love.”

Gorgeous — “You should take it as a compliment that I'm talking to everyone here but you, and you should think about the consequence of you touching my hand in the darkened room.”

New Year’s Day — “There's glitter on the floor after the party, girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby, candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor—you and me, forevermore.”

Lover — “We could let our friends crash in the living room—this is our place, we make the call. And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you. I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all.”

Paper Rings — “The moon is high like your friends were the night that we first met. Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet. Now I've read all of the books beside your bed.”

Love Story — “I close my eyes and the flashback starts, I'm standin' there on a balcony in summer air. See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns, see you make your way through the crowd and say, "Hello".”

King Of My Heart — “Late in the night, the city's asleep. Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep. Change my priorities, the taste of your lips is my idea of luxury.”

Mine — “Do you remember, we were sittin', there by the water? You put your arm around me for the first time. You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter. You are the best thing, that's ever been mine.”

Smut Inspo:

Dress — “All of this silence and patience, pining in anticipation. My hands are shaking from holding back from you.”

Cruel Summer — “Killing me slow, out the window. I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below. Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes. What doesn't kill me makes me want you more.”

Style — “So it goes…He can't keep his wild eyes on the road, mm. Takes me home, the lights are off, he's taking off his coat,”

Wildest Dreams — “I said, "No one has to know what we do". His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room, and his voice is a familiar sound. Nothing lasts forever but this is getting good now.”

False God — “Religion's in your lips, even if it's a false god we'd still worship. We might just get away with it, the altar is my hips. Even if it's a false god, we'd still worship this love.”

‘Tis The Damn Season — “We could call it even, you could call me babe for the weekend. 'Tis the damn season, write this down: I'm stayin' at my parents' house and the road not taken looks real good now, and it always leads to you in my hometown.”

Cowboy Like Me — “Now you hang from my lips like the Gardens of Babylon. With your boots beneath my bed forever is the sweetest con.”

Treacherous — “Put your lips close to mine as long as they don't touch. Out of focus, eye to eye, ‘til the gravity's too much. And I'll do anything you say if you say it with your hands, and I'd be smart to walk away but you're quicksand.”

I Think He Knows — “I think he knows his hands around a cold glass make me wanna know that body like it's mine.”

I Know Places — “Baby, I know places we won't be found and they'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down. 'Cause I, I know places we can hide.”

taglist: @joelmillerscoffee @ajeff855 @wildemaven @axshadows @sherala007 @browneyes-issac @tooflef @mariasebana @tae27 @kimm4710 @stxrrylunatic @sara-alonso @paulalikestuff @jbh-castaway @oceandolores @mandomover @chxpsi @auberosier @mashomasho @nightlockcornucopia @vanemando15 @vinaispunk (sorry if i forgot you, or your tag isn’t working!)

[trickstarbrave]

sorry if i have told this story before but i will think about it until the day i Die 

anyways after my car accident i fucking Super Broke my femur and shortly after i woke up and could move my arm (had to fucking cut and pull me out of the car) i realized i broke my left collarbone. EMTs i told believed me and showed me car. i could very obviously feel where it was broken. touching it and having me move slightly would reveal it was in fact: broken exactly where i said it was.

anyways i get back. by this point they know i have a concussion, giant bump on my head, and my femur is twisted at such an odd angle its impossible to tell its not broken. i have an IV with morphine ive had since i basically woke up an EMT hooked up. i have to get x-rays taken laying down bc i cant stand or rly sit up to take them properly. my broken collarbone doesnt rly show. they need to get me into a full body scan anyways 

i am moved into the trauma unit CT scan. tech there tells me to lift my arms. i say my collarbone is broken. i look at her weird and say my collarbone is broken. she says “it doesnt look broken on the xrays” very annoyed. i start saying “well yeah i had to take it laying down because of my leg” bc despite being absolutely high and with a concussion bad enough they refused to put me under to set my leg (thanks. absolutely hated that more than anything) i still remembered x-rays taken laying down Arent Fucking Accurate. CT tech rolls her eyes and tells me again to raise my arms bc its probably “just dislocated”. why would that make raising it any better??? who knows but im bed bound and high on morphine and im not able to fight back or protest much. very carefully i raise them 

i get out. she tells me to put my arms down. i start very slowly doing it trying hard not to fuck with my broken bone too bad. she get annoyed and grabs my arm, SLAMMING it down. the sound of bone crunching and moving together happens and i scream bloody fucking murder. she drops her hands and jumps nearly a foot away from me shouting “i didnt touch [her]!” my collarbone is MUCH more obviously broken now under the skin. im crying bc it fucking hurt. not nearly as bad as the femur but jesus fucking christ. i am moved back into the trauma unit exam room. everyone in this trauma unit has heard me scream at the top of my lungs twice like im being murdered and im sure no one enjoyed it. my family has their third emotional breakdown 

CT scan comes back. its broken. it was broken when i said it was. of course it was fucking broken i was in a car accident if my collarbone WASNT broken that would be weirder. collarbones break super easily. 

the CT tech is luckily i cant remember faces well. bc if i saw her sober at the supermarket i would foam at the mouth in a rage before telling her to get a different fucking job because if a 19 year old with a concussion and high off morphine can seemingly remember x-rays better than you you fucking suck at your job. eat shit bitch

“oh but they have such a hard time in medicine, dont be rude to any medical staff--” no. idc if she was having a bad day or has long hours or is stressed. i nearly fucking died. this is the worst day of my fucking life. how does working a 13 hour shift really compare to being pulled out from under a car engine, stripped naked, and then having your fucking arm broken??? waiting an additional 5 seconds wasn’t going to get anyone killed. i hope someone breaks your fucking collarbone and tells you “its just dislocated get over it”. if you’re getting snippy and impatient with me in the service industry fine. if youre breaking my fucking arm further bc god forbid you wait 5 seconds eat shit and die. 

[ethereal-pipe-dream]

hello and welcome to the foxes as quotes from my friends, part 4!! the special!!

this addition is unique as it’s in fact AFTG adults as things said by my sociology, psychology and law teachers!! enjoy!!

TW: brief mentions of gun violence, murder, and intrusive thoughts.

“it would be nice to have a breakdown every once in a while”- abby

•

“this is flipping dipping bullshit”- bee

•

“i wouldn’t kill my kids because they’ve got half my DNA”- wymack

•

“i love you guys but i hate the concept of work”- abby

•

“how did i even get here? i tried to fail the interview”- wymack

•

“if i was starving to death and someone offered me a mince pie i would say let me die”- wymack

•

“vegetarian? i’m a flexitarian”- bee

•

“was that a gunshot?

*pretends to hold gun*

i’ll get the door”- wymack

•

“there are children running and screaming outside”

*shrugs*- bee

•

“might as well call me a tory if you think i shop in M&S”- abby

•

“do you hate me? i feel like you hate me”- abby

•

“sometimes when i’m driving home i daydream about like if the car flipped over right now which side would it land on”- bee

•

“i used to experiment on the kids until my wife asked me to stop”- wymack (abby is wife🥰)

•

“if daddy wore a dress would he still be a man?”- abby

•

“be in no doubt, neil, i will make everyone turn on her”- bee

•

“that’s it, give me your bank details, no more pop tarts for you”- abby

•

“andrew, i feel like you might kill me in my sleep and that isn’t too pleasant for me”- wymack

•

“yes, i am a swiftie”- abby

•

“freud was onto something? yeah, cocaine”- bee

•

“karl marx is a gorgeous beast”- bee

[fictionqween]

Rainbow in the Dark

Summary: Tessa Dixon never thought that taking her little brother to his guitar lessons would end up changing her life for the better. (Better summary coming soon lol)

Pairing: Eddie Munson x OFC (multi-chapter) Warnings: 18+, Slow burn, eventual SMUT, bad language, drug usage, mentions of self-harm.IMPORTANT: This takes place a year and a bit before the events of Season 4.

A/N: Honestly, I just wanted to say thank you for the love on the first chapter, it means a lot! Also updates will be quicker than this, I was super sick the last week and didn’t feel much like writing. Hope you stick around for the journey!

Chapter 2: Lonely

As Christmas Break came to an end and school started up again, it was no surprise that my encounter with Eddie at my little brother’s lessons had drifted into the back of my mind. So far this morning, I’d been responsible for getting Harrison ready, saving him from a nervous breakdown at an anticipated new school routine, dropping him off and also getting my own self ready and to class on time.

By the time lunch rolled around, I was frustrated to the point of tears, emotional, and breathless. As much as I loved my brother, it could be such a weight to navigate his introverted personality. The loneliness and envy I felt toward other students who didn’t have to deal with these struggles was almost debilitating. Knowing I couldn’t handle my best friend Andi’s incessant chatter about which member of the basketball team was the hottest, I opted for lunch in my car instead.

Our small but close-knit group was definitely in the ‘safe’ zone when it came to cliques. Not popular but not loathed either, we sat in the area I’d lovingly termed “The In-between”. High school was all about cliques, and it was nice to be able to get along with most people without having to change who I was. Andi, on the other hand, thought she was Miss Popular. As much as I loved her (we’d been friends since first grade), she was the stereotypical high school girl, obsessed with looks, makeup and boys. She ranked herself up there with the cheerleaders, which was why her lunchtime monologues were so hard to listen to sometimes.

And that brought me exactly to why I was sitting in my  “new to me” station wagon, a hand-me-down my dad had given me when he purchased his ‘69 Mustang, eating my sandwich. Despite the fact that it was snowing softly, I wasn’t all that cold. In fact, when I was overworked like this, I tended to run hotter than normal.

Letting my thoughts drift, I chewed absentmindedly on my sandwich, surveying the parking lot. Loneliness crushed my chest, making it difficult to breathe or swallow. I loved my tight-knit group of friends, but they didn’t understand what I was going through. Nobody knew what it was like to be the primary caregiver of a child that you had to walk on eggshells for.

When I was 14, I started self-harming. It was a way to cope, to deal with the pressure of having to be everything for someone at such a young age. I’d done it for almost a year before I’d sought counselling through the school, but when I felt overwhelmed, the tops of my thighs still burned with the need to just feel something else.

The guilt I felt at wanting to self-harm was almost enough to consume me. I wanted to do better, be better for Harrison, because I knew he needed a strong role model. He certainly wouldn’t get that from either of our parents.

Tick, tick, tick, tick!

Letting out a startled scream, I accidentally dropped my sandwich into my lap as I clutched at my racing heart. Eddie Munson stood outside my passenger window, keys hitting the glass, and a shit eating grin on his face.

“Jesus Christ, Munson!” I shouted, my cheeks flaming pink in embarrassment. “You trying to kill me?!”

Laughing like I’d just told the funniest joke known to man, Eddie pulled open my door and slid in.

“Hey Dixon,” he chortled, shaking his head like a dog and sending wet flakes flying all over the car.

“You scared the shit out of me,” I grumbled, picking up my sandwich and sliding it back into the container, my appetite having vanished when my heart fell into my stomach.

He was all sparkling eyes and toothy grin as he set his lunchbox between his legs, ring clad fingers drumming a nameless tune on the top of the box. When he didn’t apologize, I raised an eyebrow and turned my body a bit more to face him.

“What?” he asked, the grin still wide across his lips. “Saw you from the woods, you looked lonely. Thought I’d join you.”

“Do you have a lunch?” I asked, gesturing toward the lunchbox I knew carried everything but food.

When he shrugged again, I let out a sigh and dug in my lunch bag, pulling out a brownie and handing it to him. His eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas, and as fast as he took it, it was gone.

“Man, your mom is an awesome cook!” he praised, nestling back into the passenger seat.

I snorted out loud at his comment, making his eyebrows shoot up questioningly. The look of confusion on his face was laughable.

“You know my mom owns the Beautiful You Salon, right? She’s the one with the blue eyes and the blonde perm and the huge cans,” I told him, gesturing feebly toward my much smaller chest. “She’s too busy being Hawkins’ most memorable socialite. I made the brownies.”

Eddie pondered my words, his grin sliding a little from his lips, brown eyes analyzing me. Suddenly shy, I busied myself with putting away my lunch, knowing that there wasn’t much time left before the bell would ring.

“Sorry, that was a bit of an overshare. I’m just…it’s been a long day already,” I explained, tossing my lunch bag into the backseat once everything had been put away.

“It’s all good,” Eddie mused, ringed fingers tapping away on his lunchbox again. “Everyday feels like a long day in this hellhole.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” I snickered, feeling a grin start to pull at the edges of my lips.

“You smoke?” Eddie asked, tapping his fingers poignantly on the metal of the lunchbox, drawing my attention to it.

“Uh, I have at a couple of parties before. Nothing crazy. I don’t get out too much.”

“You should smoke with me sometime,” he offered, big brown eyes on me yet again. “The guys from Hellfire usually come over on Friday nights to hang out. It’s nothing crazy. You’re welcome to join if you’re ever looking for something to do on a Friday night. Even if it’s hanging out with the freaks.”

“I don’t believe in that shit,” I said with a shrug. “People here want to label each other so badly. Like we’re not all out here with weird interests and shit. I never thought you were a freak.”

“No?”

His curiosity piqued, Eddie leaned forward and set his lunch box on my dashboard before turning his body to completely face mine, arms crossed on my centre console.

“You don’t think I’m even a little bit…freaky?” he crossed his eyes as he spoke, making a laugh slip from my lips.

“Nah,” I said, trying my best to hide my smile from him. “I’ve always thought you were eccentric, but you’ve always been nice. And you’re good with Harrison. That’s a win in my books.”

Eddie grinned, the adorable gesture lighting up his face in such a way that I found myself unconsciously grinning back. He studied me for a few more moments before grabbing his lunchbox and popping the door open. Almost as if he had the timing down, the high pitched clatter of the school bell permeated the air the minute he did so.

“You’re alright, Dixon,” he hummed. “Like I said, invitation is always there to join us on a Friday sometime if you’re ever bored enough.”

“I’m bored plenty,” I blurted out, feeling heat blossom down my neck at my hasty choice of words.

Why was I absolutely floundering every time this man turned his grin on me?! I wanted to sink into the floor then and there. When he slid out of the car and didn’t acknowledge my words, I felt like throwing up. It took a minute, however, to register that he was actually coming around the front of the car to open up my door.

Blushing for another reason entirely, I murmured a soft thank you and clutched my bag to my chest as we started walking together toward the school. All I could feel were his eyes, his face unreadable to me as I didn’t know him that well yet.

Yet.

My blush deepened at the thought of getting to know Eddie, of actually hanging out with him and his friends one Friday night and maybe getting high. Would I ever have the nerve to go through with that? Would I ever have the time, knowing how much of my life was dedicated to Harrison's needs?

“Hey Dixon?” Eddie murmured, his voice soft and sweet as the snow swirled around us. “If you ever have a long day again and want company…let me know, ok? You’re always welcome at the Hellfire table. Since you don’t care about us being freaks.”

“Never have, never will.”

“Yeah, you’re alright Dixon.”

“You’re not too bad yourself, Munson.”

He gave me a two-finger salute and headed toward the East wing of the school, his retreating figure soon vanishing into the now heavily falling snow.

As I bit my lip and headed in the opposite direction I wondered if maybe, just maybe, I should start making more time for myself again.