#but then I got a little ways in and was like...but fitz...

[bookwyrminspiration]

New wings au, wooo!!

I absolutely loved it so much, I love how Fitz is stressed and scattered in a composed kind of way, idk if that makes sense but it's a particular vibe that you nailed

I love how he absolutely despises The Being as well, it's very funny

Also, that ending tho!!!

Biana, baby, are you alright? Do you need a hug?

I feel like their mental states would get a lot better if they just accepted their new behaviours and incorporated them into their persons

Fitz could be frazzled in his burnt out gifted kid way as he skims across the ground, occasionally flapping his wings as he walks and humming along to a tune in his head, probably a song that he heard from Sophie that he enjoyed (He seems like a pop person, like "Runaway" by Bruno Mars, maybe "Teen Idol" by Marina and the diamonds) because birds, as he compares his notes on "What The Fuck Happened To Us" and going into a fight or flight when someone surprises him, like puffing out his feathers and getting very ruffled and almost preparing for a fight, just instinctively, or flapping his wings when he jumps and just shooting out of the area and climbing back to his house.

Like, I can imagine him getting very skittish around unfamiliar things but also very cocky and confident about things he knows very, very well. Maybe he even gets an ego boost and preens his wings to make them perfect at all times and getting a fascination with his his reflection and how his eyes work.

Also skitting up the side of his house and falling asleep on top of it instead of in it. I can't describe the skitting part but like, half crawling up the side while flapping his wings to give himself a boost and having to remind himself that he is an elf and that elves stand and walk and don't snap at his friend for touching his things or getting into his personal space, a friend that very well knows that it's his area and his stuff and his bed and some stupid little owl isn't going to disturb it like how they disturb his nights and prey-

And then banging his head against a wall while trying to get it back into elf mode and a very sleep deprived Dex just standing there being so confused because all he did was inspect Fitz's pen when Fitz made a low squawking sound and glared at him and puffed out his feathers

Also Dex going through similar changes, except now he's super conscious of every noise he makes and goes out of his way to be as silent as possible.

Also Fitz making a high pitched "Brr?" noise whenever he's surprised or someone's getting his attention and staring at them with wide eyes and being very unnerving, considering he's Fitz

-Heathen

!! I'm glad you enjoyed it! I wasn't 100% sure with this chapter because like...I do not know how Keefe would actually react to his mom dying and the trio just kept making jokes when I was writing everything and I was just sitting there like blease you guyys. this is serious. I actually took out some in editing because when I was writing it I was like this is too many humor. But that's besides the point! the point is I'm thrilled you enjoyed the new chapter <33

(got long so under cut!)

also hell yeah I was going for exactly that vibe with Fitz!! Throughout the whole chapter he was just going "don't freak out everything's fine don't freak out everything's fine dont--" over and over to himself. He is trying so hard to be there for Keefe and to be supportive but also he has no idea what is going on because he doesn't have a monster and has never been to the room and Sophie and Keefe are acting like it's normal so he's gonna act like it's normal too but the walls are fucking moving

I'm not sure he despises the being, but he is definitely very very stressed around it. The last time he saw the thing it was thrashing around and screaming its head off as the place collapsed around them and it nearly took them out on accident with all that flailing, so he doesn't exactly trust it. He doesn't hate it it's just like if you got bit by a dog and then you were nervous around dogs. But he's tolerating it for Keefe's sake and because it seems calmer now...

Biana is going through some things right now, though I can't say what or whether she's okay without spoiling the next chapter. But herougaern that ending gave me so many problems because I kinda have this method of slightly winging things where I've got an idea of what I want but then I like to let it figure itself out in the story. smaller examples include what Sophie stole from the store at the last moment (I didn't actually know what she stole when I wrote that she stole it) and what Fintan told Marella about the stars and the dreamers (I had kind of an idea, but no concrete plan for what it meant). and then in this chapter Biana's thing came up before it'd entirely figured itself out so then I was just there like...what is up with Biana actually. someone please tell me. but I did figure it out, now she just has to!

you know what? I think your assessment is fair. Sophie seems to be doing better now that she's not freaking out about the wings or the new world she find herself in; she's back in contact with her parents and working towards taking down Phoenix and the Neverseen! Now that she's had her moment, it's time to focus on everyone else...we'll just see how they end up coping or accepting things if they do!

also wait hang on I love the idea of birds and humming songs, that's so cute wait a minute. frazzled Fitz comforting himself with music is so so precious. Also I literally drew on the fight or flight idea you said when writing today's chapter that's wings au canon right there baby!! His feathers puffing up when he's annoyed/embarrassed/scared etc. That is canon! He's trying to take up more space so people leave him alone and he can calm down, though the being didn't really seem to be paying him any attention.

Cocky but skittish...you may be onto something there. He's just trying to be there for his friends and acting like everything is under control, but also all of this is very very weird thank you very much and he's in way over his head and has no idea what to do about it. He has eagle wings he just woke up and grew eagle wings his life is very much not normal. How can he not be on edge in a situation like this?!

The preening I've typically attributed to Keefe, but there's nothing stopping that from infecting Fitz as well!! he's gotta make sure all his feathers are in order and that everything's set so he can go out there and. idk do something. what do you do when you're living in a group of your friends on the surface during an apocalypse of monsters. scrabble?

Fitz honey you don't have to sleep on the roof you have. You have a bed. It's canon we've seen it. Sophie watched you sleep that one time remember. when she broke into your house in the middle of the night. Please sir please don't sleep on the roof there are monsters outside that's kinda. that's kinda the whole premise of the au there are monsters outside. especially around where you are there are many monsters.

elf-mode vs bird mode is hilarious! I don't really think it'd fit with what I have planned for Fitz, but the contrast between the two is incredible. also you're so right Dex is sleep deprived. he hasn't figured out how to sleep yet. one day he'll learn how to sleep but not today. today he is chronically tired--sophie infected him with insomnia or something. perhaps the reason Dex likes to be up so late is partially because he's owl based and partially because it's quieter at night! not that the kotlcrew is very loud but being alive tends to make some noise. I personally like to think that Tam and Dex have a kinda night time friendship where they're existing in the same space at the same time when everyone else is asleep. they don't necessarily talk but they enjoy someone else being awake

Fitz *handshake* Echo: going brrr apparently. also you've just made me realize how unnerving he could be. like he's speifically got the funky teal eyes so him staring at people is like...why. your eyes are so bright stop it. stop looking at me like that. and because he usually only stares at Sophie during telepathy things when it's mutual, so having that intense focus on you is like sir what are you trying to do

anyway the point of all this is that Fitz is very dear to my heart and I love him immensely and I'm ecstatic to learn that you enjoyed the chapter!! now I gotta write the next one because this one gave me so much trouble. the end of my semester is nearly upon me, so perhaps I can write extra before the next semester starts...

[purplesoup-lad-le]

i just rewatched the first toy story movie and am feeling the after effects. the point of this post was to say Fitz and dex are just like woody and buzz. from the toy story.

[vspin]

On Act 3 and the lack of companion reactivity and dialogue.

So, I officially hit 400 hours on BG3 yesterday (no lifing it lmao) and I've been thinking about some things I wish Larian would improve or wish that they had implemented. A big thing that comes to mind is how much companion reactivity and dialogue abruptly stops in Act 3.

Act 1 really shines with companion reactivity. They always have something to say to the MC, to NPCs, or even to each other! I love the interaction after you use your ilithid powers for the first time and it's a 4 way conversation between everyone.

Then we get to Act 3 and there's such huge drop-off. Some big offenses:

Very little reaction to quests and locations. When I killed Raphael I only got comments from Astarion and Gale! Seriously?? We just survived a trip to the Hells! This happens with multiple quests

Blank faces when Durge is killed by Bhaal.

Camp is lifeless. Everyone just stands in front of their bed, There are no interactions.

In my playthrough, the Emporer admitted to my Tav he was manipulating her and didn't really care. It was bummer I couldn't talk to the other tadpole gang about it.

I remember coming across a Druid in the city. He was trying to heal a tree. So I went back and grabbed Halsin because he was complaining no one in the city cared about nature or balance. So I thought surely, he would have an interaction here! Nope, nothing!

As soon as you finish a companion's personal quest that is basically the end of your interactions with them; even if you romance them.

What I'd like to see: (Disclaimer: Just my opinions. I have no expectation of any of this being added to the game)

More camp interaction between companions. Jahiera and Minsc had a great example of this. Let there be a quick cutscene of Minsc and Halsin arm wrestling. Shadowheart, Karlach, and Astarion drinking wine. Anything. DA:I did a great job at this. It seemed like anytime I approached someone for dialogue they were in the middle of an interaction with someone else. Or events like the card game. It brought a lot of life into the party.

More random city encounters. They did a good job with Karlach; she has interactions with the steel watcher and her friend Fitz. Would have been cool to have some of those with Wyll, maybe he meets another noble or a flaming fist and has to deal with their shock of seeing him as a devil. Or with Gale in Sorcerous Sundries (he is a famous wizard after all!). Astarion mentions he needs to keep a low profile in the taverns; what if someone called him out!

More reactions to story events.

Expand on romances a bit more. We don't need it to be a dating sim but if you finish your LI's quest early on get used to just asking for small pecks and that's it. I would like to see more romance-specific dialogue for quest reactions.

And Finally:

We needed all companions at the final battle. Everyone should have been at the main keep before confronting the brain. You should have had your final conversations with them before you all potentially die in battle. DA:O style. A passionate kiss with your LI (not a tiny little peck lmao). This was a huge exclusion.

Anyway, these are my thoughts on the matter. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Falling Slowly

Summary; Everyone told you to stay away from big, bad Eddie Munson.

You were a good girl and he was in some people's minds, the devil.

But the pull to Eddie was too strong and you were powerless to resist.

Warnings; Older Eddie, Minors DNI. 18+, mentions of sex, soft Eddie, fluff, minimal angst.

The reader is 26, and Eddie is 40.

If you enjoyed this pls consider reblogging, liking, etc. It's very much appreciated 😘

❤️

I don't give anyone permission to copy, reuse or repost my work.

❤️

Everyone told you to stay away from Eddie Munson, he was sin, plain and simple.

"Oh he's bad news don't you know? The attitude, the constant women, stay away my dear if you know what's good for you" that was a rant from your old neighbour " Mrs Fitz who knew all the gossip on the streets.

You had seen him around a few times, he had women falling at his feet, drawn to the don't fuck with me attitude he portrayed.

The tattoos, brown hair in a low bun and those big brown eyes and dimples made your heart skip a beat.

Nobody had ever made you feel like that, so intensely and who set every part of you alight with longing.

You'd watch him from afar, only for him to catch your eye and a little smirk would cross his face, a quirk of his eyebrow that was practically taunting you to come closer.

The first time he talked to you is when you were at the grocery store deciding on what Ben and Jerry's flavour you wanted.

Something fluttered in your stomach as you caught a hint of cologne, leather and the faintest hint of cigarette smoke.

"Personally the cookie dough is my favourite" you turn around and Eddie is staring down at you, his big brown eyes dancing in amusement.

"Oh, hi" Every inch of you is tingling at how close he is to you. He reaches behind you and grabs a tub.

"You know I've caught you looking looking over at me in the garage a few times, come on over and say hello princess. I don't bite...much" he winks and walks away and there's an aching longing stirring in your stomach as you watch him go.

The encounters got more frequent, and more teasing from Eddie and yourself ( which surprised you)

Your next door neighbour, your friends warned he was just after one thing.

They didn't realise how much you craved that one thing, you weren't stupid. You knew what Eddie wanted and you wanted it just as much.

Everyone told you to stay away from him.

Yet you didn't. After much deliberation you had finally decided to take a risk and went to the garage where Eddie worked.

You both knew what was going to happen, the tension was unbearable and only sated the moment his lips met yours.

It was hot and mindblowing, Eddie driving orgasm after orgasm out of you as he fucked you relentlessly.

It was just as incredible for him and that's why you two met up again and again.

The sex was incredible, Eddie pleasured you in ways you had never even dreamed of.

You didn't care what anyone said about him and looked past all the rumours and hearsay.

"You really should stay away from me Princess," he tells you one night as you are entwined in his sheets, head resting on his chest.

This makes you shoot up and gaze at him nervous, stomach sinking. His demeanour is brooding, playful energy gone and his eyebrows furrowed in contemplation.

"I don't want to. Do you want me to?" you murmur and his eyes soften as he looks down at you.

"No, no I really fucking don't but people fare finding out about us and I'm the devil trying to corrupt the sweet, good girl" you roll your eyes.

"What we do is no one's business, Eddie, I'm a grown-ass woman and make my own decisions on who I want to be with and I want you"

The tenseness that surrounds him vanishes and he pulls you close to him, chest to chest and into a searing kiss.

❤️

Eddie had you settled on the table, his head buried between your thighs, you moan and tangle your hands in his hair.

"You're divine" he murmurs and stands up, pulling you close to him, taut against his strong body.

"Beautiful" he groans and presses tender kisses over your neck, to your cheeks.

Something had shifted between you and Eddie, nights previously only about sex had changed. There was still a lot of sex but a lot of talking, of laughter and silliness.

Deep discussions and tender moments between you two that occurred more and more often.

Eddie held you against his chest as he read to you from his or your favourite books, flowers given when you met on a few instances, sweet, thoughtful gestures. Learning to play the guitar from Eddie who patiently taught you, bonding over a shared love of horror movies.

Of course you were falling in love with Eddie, it was hard not to but the feeling of dread in your gut persisted that if he knew about these feelings it would cause him to pull away didn't shift.

Things were different though, deeper, more...

He kisses from the apex of your thigh all the way up your body, over your breasts and neck, leaving love bites and you moaning in pleasure.

"What do you want sweetheart? Want to worship you princess" you kiss him tenderly and look deep into his eyes.

"You, I just want you" his bug brown eyes lock onto yours as he sheaths inside you. The sex is slow, tender and not once does his gaze leave yours.

When you both reach your climax his lips press to your forehead and you lay in a post-coital glow that leaves you breathless, warm and with the realisation that you truly love Eddie Munson.

❤️

Eddie didn't expect to fall in love with you, he avoided that shit like the plague but boy he fell hard for you.

He assumed you'd be a fling just like the others, you'd both move on in a few weeks or he would pull away before things had any chance of being serious.

That's what he usually did and yet the more he got to know you, the more time you spent together he began to fall for you.

At first, he tried to resist the feeling because it scared the shit out of him but the thought of distancing himself from you, ending things made his heart clench painfully.

Serious, rip his heart out kinda pain.

The truth was he thought about you all the time, missed you when you were elsewhere, his pillow smelt of your perfume and he would bury his face into it, inhaling the sweetness, he adored kissing you, making you laugh, hearing your moans or the way you said his name was fucking heavenly.

He was falling deeply, head over heels.

How the fuck was he going to tell you? He had never had this conversation before, never been in love with anyone.

It's not like he was worried you didn't feel the same way, he knew you did. It was more the fact of saying I love you to someone for the first time.

Three words but to him, they were more fucking terrifying than anything he ever encountered in The Upside Down.

You're at his trailer now, dancing along to a song on the radio and he's watching you no doubt with the happiest smile on his face.

You look so fucking cute and he captures you in his arms and kisses you until you're laughing and cuddled into his arms.

You peer up at him, your beautiful eyes full of happiness, shining with adoration.

"I need to tell you something princess" he's nervous as shit and has no idea what he is going to say. All he knows is he needs to say it because the thought of you not being in his life is his worst nightmare.

Not knowing how much he loves you and how you've changed his life in so many ways, that he's the happiest he's been in his life.

"What?" you take his hand and squeeze it reassuringly, it gives him the courage to speak up.

"I love you, his voice is shaky at first, then grows stronger as he repeats himself. I'm so in love with you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I need you to know how fucking special you are, that I want to be with you always, you're who I want to be with for the rest of my life"

The look on your face is something he will never forget, sheer happiness radiating from you.

"I love you too Edward Munson" Those three words might have terrified him to say out loud but hearing them is a different matter.

The wave of ecstasy he feels is amazing. His lips press to yours and he whispers he loves you over and over again.

Huh? Maybe those three words aren't so scary after all.

[sirfrogsworth]

FFFF: Froggie's Fuckin' Fancy Foray

In a previous post I was debating whether I should go to the Sam's near me, which requires a short 11 minute drive, but the path to get there is quite stressful due to traffic and construction and frustrating detours onto narrow side streets.

There was even a time when a bunch of signs got knocked over or removed and I accidentally went down an unfinished road that dead-ended into a pile of rocks. That was a fun moment. Especially when people stared at me as I did some improvised off-roading to get turned around.

Like I said... STRESSFUL.

Or I could head the other direction across the river into Illinois.

A scenic 22 minute drive with empty highways to a much nicer Sam's. The extra 20 minutes of total drive time is a lot, especially after all the walking required to collect my groceries. And I feared it would test my energy limits, since I had to go to Sam's and Schnucks to get all of the groceries I needed. Sam's is great, but sometimes I just don't need seven dozen of something.

I was having a decent energy day, so the scenic route won.

My plan was to go to Sam's for the bulk of my groceries and then drive all the way back across the river, past my house, and go to the Schnucks that stocks my favorite new fancy Fitz's soda. Which would add another 30 minutes of driving. Though I figured if I wasn't feeling up to it, I could go to Schnucks another day.

But as I stood in the Sam's parking lot holding a five dollar rotisserie chicken, an idea struck me... "Maybe there is a Schnucks near here."

I opened Maps and to my dismay, there was a Schnucks just down the street and for three entire years I never thought to check.

Literally half a mile down the street.

I think we are all familiar with the concept of chain stores varying in quality depending on the area they are located.

There is a Schnucks only 1.2 miles from my home. It is what I would call "tolerable."

Let's deem this location "TS" for Tolerable Schnucks.

TS is clean and has all of the essentials but they try to shove ten pounds of Schnucks into a five pound bag. It is cramped and poorly stocked and the lighting is somehow extra florescent.

They managed to squeeze in a decent deli, but that is where the niceties end. They usually have one register open even if the checkout line wraps around the dairy section. I have yet to find a less busy time to go. It's always filled to the brim with people—morning, noon, and night.

And, frustratingly, they rarely stock my new botique soda obsession, Fitz's.

I allow myself one occasional sugary treat to manage the cravings and I never know if they are going to have it.

However, if I travel an extra 15 minutes then I can upgrade to the Schnucks I would call "nice." So we'll go with "NS" for Nice Schnucks.

Weirdly the NS is near the "tolerable" Sam's (no acronym because that would be confusing with Tolerable Schnucks (TS)). They are only 3 minutes apart but the store quality difference is pretty drastic. If I have the energy, I will try to stop at both places in one trip since they are so near each other.

NS is a much bigger store than TS and they even have a bigger selection to go with that extra space. I have to get my fancy soda there because I guess TS figured "let's just fill the aisle with Diet Coke and nothing else." NS has a much bigger deli and full bakery and a fish person and even a quaint little floral department. They usually have multiple registers open and they stay open past 8pm so you can go when it isn't busy. The lighting is a little better, they keep things in stock, and they even have half-sized shopping carts that are easier to push if you only need a few things.

I thought that was the gold standard for Schnucks.

As nice as it gets.

But then I discovered this new Schnucks near the Nice Sam's and that assertion was about to be shattered.

Let me introduce you to the FFS.

The Fuckin' Fancy Schnucks.

The first thing you notice at the FFS is the front has well-maintained landscaping. Like, proper shrubbery.

That's fuckin' fancy.

The second you enter the store you are greeted with a fully staffed floral department.

It felt like if Valentine's Day could manifest a jungle. Brightly colored flowers everywhere surrounded by mylar balloons wishing people happy whatevers.

Then I turned the corner to see the biggest Schnucks of my life. With one entire side of the store dedicated to bespoke food items.

They got a deli. They got a bakery. They got a fish person. They got another fish person who just makes sushi all day.

They have an entire wall of prepared food items made at the store daily. Sandwiches and salads and pastas and full chickens. They even make their own frozen pizzas.

And then I noticed... the Meat Masters.

They have their own damned butcher on staff!

I found myself just going up and down all of the aisles and discovering new things the other Schnuckses never stock. The soup aisle was ridiculous. I was getting pretty tired and I was paralyzed by too many choices. So I decided to just get my normal boring soups and come back another time to explore the Fancy Soup Section.

The FSS at the FFS, if you will.

And the lighting was just so much more pleasant. It didn't feel like a 90s office building.

And look at that flooring. Did they hire an interior designer?

TS & NS just have generic square tiles.

I mean, I guess making some of them blue is something. But even the ceiling is drab comparatively.

And look at the TS Zapp's display compared to the displays at FFS.

I will say, TS takes much better care of their robot friend. FFS stuck their robot in a very undignified location.

This Roomba with a giant erection spends all day counting stuff and they stick him next to the men's room? Let him hang out with the Meat Masters or the fish people.

This is how a robot uprising starts.

The soda aisle was at the end of the store so I arrived there last. I was nervous they might not have my beloved bottled soda pop. Not only did they have it, but they also had 4 other flavors I didn't even know existed.

I guess you could say the FFS had an FFFS! (Fuckin' Fancy Fitz's Section)

I got that same feeling when you unlock bonus items in a video game. I don't know what the difference is between cream soda and "cardinal" cream soda... but I'm gonna find out!

Update from Future Froggie: It's fuckin' tasty!

So...

Future Froggie approves of Fuckin' Tasty Fitz's Soda from the Fuckin' Fancy Fitz's Section at the Fuckin' Fancy Schnucks and is sad Nice Schnucks and Tolerable Schnucks Failed Future Froggie with their Lacking Fancy Fitz's Soda Section.

Or...

FF approves of FTFS from the FFFS at the FFS and is sad NS & TS FFF with their LFFSS.

Got all that?

I loaded up the FTFS and my frozen pizzas and my non-fancy soups and headed over to the registers. They had 3 lanes open despite hardly anyone shopping at the time. I didn't have to wait in the dairy section for 25 minutes. So I justified that extra drive time and then some. Because standing in line is harder than sitting and driving.

So I guess I answered my question about which path to choose. If only I had known about the FFS earlier I would have forgone NS and Tolerable Sam's and just drove the extra 20 minutes across the Mississippi River to and from MO & IL.

On the one hand, it is kind of depressing that just like public schools, property taxes dictate the quality of vital stores in our communities. I mean, these are stores run by the same company. I know the physical property can necessitate some variation due to size and configuration differences. But it's clear they are pumping a lot more resources into the FFS. Not just more cashiers with a bagger on every lane, but actual experts in flowers and fish and baking and deli.

And who knows how much a MoM costs. (Master of Meat)

On the other hand...

We live in a society and can't fix capitalism overnight and all that.

I need my FTFS and FSS at the FFS, okay?

[swans-chirping-in-the-distance]

hi.... so you like keefe, and that's the general concensus

could you maybe help explain his virtues and stuff more? it's hard to see his appeal

(hope this isn't rude)

Ofc I will!! I want to dissect him <33

I would like to start out by saying that while I think that his flaws make sense and I'll defend that he's a traumatized teen, I don't think he's flawless. I don't think he actually does nothing wrong. I LOVE that he has flaws.

Keefe is my favorite "using jokes to cover sadness" character because I love the depth he has. He comes across as silly and joking but if you dig just a little bit you see that he's angry, and even further, that he's sad.

Keefe is angry that he's been hurt so many times, that those he loves have been hurt so many times, and that the people that should be his home made him like this. Because Keefe has this disgustingly warped perspective of himself, and whether or not he realizes it, it's all their fault. If his family had been there for him he wouldn't have become how he did. He put up walls and cracked jokes and avoided everything because that's all he could do. He was so young when he was being abused that he didn't know how to deal with things. His parents literally formed his brain, in a way.

And that's why he's so reckless. He's so desperate to be different from them; so desperate to be better. And he makes these rash decisions out of love. Because he never got love from his family. And he wanted it so damn bad. So he gives it out to people, but never the right amount. He trusted his mom. He trusted Alvar. He trusted all of them, and look where that got him.

He's just so jealous. Jealous of perfect Fitz Vacker who is always chosen in his eyes. Jealous of perfect Sophie Foster who's wrongs are nowhere near Keefe's in his eyes. Jealous of every parent relationship that's good, that he should've had.

And through all of it, he's just…sad. While Fitz is built on this uncontrollable backbone of anger and Tam is built on this unwavering support of trauma-induced love, Keefe is built on this dark void in his heart made up of sadness. This empty hole from spending so much time in a toxic place, and the stark contrast between that and the "perfect" Vackers. All he was really shown in his formative years was what not to do. And he knows it. And he feels it every single day when he wakes up and distracts himself with little things so he doesn't have to face the big ones. Because facing them means facing him, and Keefe fears nothing more than that.

And although he can be mean and insensitive and screw up, he can really get people. He just doesn't always know how to deal with it. But he's learning. He's teaching himself to be kind by displaying the gentleness he wished he had. He doesn't want people to hurt like he has.

Throughout all of his flaws, Keefe Sencen cares. He cares about everything and nothing and all in between. And that is truly what makes Keefe an interesting character to me. The depth of his suffering and the way he naturally expresses it.

Also he's a little sarcastic shithead

[mrs-prentiss]

Mellies Scandal

Summary : We all know and love Fitz and Olivia’s affair and quarrel. However most of us wanted some sort of justice for Mellie, and one person in particular had every idea to give Mellie just that.

•••••••••••••••••

‼️Warning : Cursing - Light Violence ‼️

Authors Note : I know we all hate when people put their Ocs in a tag for “X reader” but since there is no “Mellie x Reader” fics I am going to put this there to help boost it and find people. If it goes well I will make “x Reader” for Mellie Grant! Until then enjoy! It’s short for now the next ones will be longer

————————

• Nicknames •

Eleanor Prentiss ( Nellie or El sometimes Flo)

Melody Grant ( Mellie or Mells)

Olivia Pope (Liv)

Fitzgerald Grant (Fitz or Fizzy)

••••••••

We all know FitzGerald Grant and we all know the lovely Olivia pope. Who doesn’t love this pairing? Mellie of course and the infamous little sister of Fitz, Eleanor Florence Prentiss. Eleanor is the younger sister to Fitz, she’s the Chief of the FBI office in Washington. She’s married and sort of separated from her lovely wife…sort of ex wife Emily Prentiss who is also working in the Washington office with her.

Eleanor was notorious for flirting with Mellie, who wouldn’t? She was completely and utterly infatuated with the woman and she couldn’t keep her eyes off of her. Something about Mellie just sparked and lit fire works inside of Eleanor. She was always in Mellies corner, despite being the Presidents sister she was a Mellie supporter til the day she died. So upon hearing about her brother affair she was one of the first people inside of the Oval office after getting several calls for her to come there “Melody sweetheart you look beautiful as always. Fitzgerald you look like a fool and so does your common whore here” she said loudly as she walked into the office kicking the door shut behind her.

She stood beside Mellie who sat on the couch and arched an eyebrow at the mistresses in front of her “Is there a reason i’m here? I’m a busy woman I don’t have time to come gossip about your recent screw up” there it was that agitating voice she hated the sound of her voice. She knew Of Olivia Pope they’d cross paths plenty of time and every time Olivia got in her way she had blackmail and the government knees deep on her side “I called you here. We need your help and you weren’t answering his calls”

Eleanor turned to the right slightly and smiled with a low chuckle following past it “You don’t not beckon me anywhere. You don’t ask for my help, as far as i’m concerned nothing at all is stopping me from kicking your ass Olivia. You tell your team to stop ringing my lines i’m busy i don’t have the time to play phone tag” she placed a hand on Mellies shoulder gently squeezing it and giving her a give glance with an apologetic smile and soft eyes. She sympathized and she wanted nothing more then to give Mellie everything she wanted, but it wasn’t an easy task.

Mellie would be lying if she told herself the way Eleanor looked at her and touched her simply didn’t just send a tense feeling down to her core. She picked the wrong Grant that was for sure and she didn’t know what to do from now “I told you it was a bad idea Fitz. Eleanor is working and she hated this as much as I do. You should know that.” Mellie tried to reason with her husband on her sister in laws behalf. He wasn’t listening though and neither was Olivia they’d both decided for Mellie that they would all convince Eleanor.

“Mellie we need her to help us. She has resources and connections we don’t. We all agreed to this” Olivia expressed in a broad tone. Eleanor for one didn’t agree with her brother running for president she hated the idea but she was also a good sister who would support what he wanted even if she didn’t like it “Hey Olivia? Shut the fuck up and let her speak. God do you deal with this every day Melody? This is ridiculous. If i’m helping any of you this piggy backing to defend each other shit is stopping now.” Eleanor snapped at both Fitz and Olivia pointing at the with the hand she took off Mellies shoulder.

Fitz took a sharp breath and groaned loudly “SERIOUSLY NELLIE! You can’t behave for five minutes and play nice! Olivia hasn’t done anything and you’re already insulting her. We need your help! I need your help, my presidency depends on it” he exhausted said in a sharp tone to his sister. Fitz and Eleanor don’t yell at each other and they don’t fight, so the room was so quiet at the moment you could hear a pin drop. Eleanor smirked slightly and set her bag and keys down beside Mellie sending her a wink before she moved past the couch.

A loud slap echoed through the Oval office and left Fitz with his head snapped sideways and Eleanor shaking her hand off as she lowered it “Do not ever raise your voice at me again. You two have done everything wrong, you have ruined her life. Just so you know Fizzy i’m not here for you, i’m here for Mellie. You want my help you find a way to speak to me because next time i’ll make sure you hit the floor and you know I will” as her brother mumbled an apology to his sister rubbing his cheek as he lifted his head to look at her she started speaking again “I’ll talk to Emily. I’ll see what we can do okay? Until then you two don’t go making this harder for me to clean up”

“Wait; you’re still with her? You told me you two got divorce Eleanor. Are you guys still married?” Mellies confusion and jealous was obvious to Eleanor just by the look in her eyes which made her shift in her spot as the first lady stood up with her eyes challenging Eleanor. Eleanor fumbled over her words for a second before she scrunched her nose as she spoke and relaxed it “No…yes? I don’t know we’re— It’s complicated. It doesn’t matter. What matters is i’m fixing this mess and i’ll be here tomorrow and the rest of the week to help” she grabbed her bag and keys from the couch, mouthing an i’m sorry to Mellie before she made her way to the door “and..when i come back Olivia you better be here and on a short leash i know how you get when you get power hungry” she pointedly spoke. She waved goodbye to the secretary and made her way through the white house halls calling Emily to figure out how the hell she’d clean this up.

[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller Part 28: Fitz's Capture

Masterlist

June 1905

TW: mind control, captivity, restraints

"And wake." Snap.

Fitz's eyes popped open, as though he'd just closed them for a second -- but that clearly wasn't the case, because he was no longer backstage. Nor was he in his bedroom, on his couch, in someone else's bedroom, on someone else's couch, or in prison, which covered all the places he was likely to wake up unexpectedly.

No, instead he was in a sterile looking room, almost like a doctor or dentist office, perched on top of a table. His arms were restrained behind his back, a pair of handcuffs that he was sure he could easily get himself out of. Lily was standing in front of him, serene and confident.

He'd been a bad judge of character many, many times in his life, but he had a sinking feeling that this would turn out to be one of his more spectacular mistakes. He crushed down the little voice telling him about how he'd been stupid, so stupid, and tried to plaster an unflappable smile on his face.

"Did you have a nice rest? It seemed like you could use it," said Lily.

Fitz's eyebrow twitched with the amount of questions flooding his brain. He hadn't really even believed in mesmerism, and yet somehow she'd put him to sleep and taken him to a location that was clearly not anywhere in the theater. It didn't seem possible, and yet, here he was, trying to remain calm, act like he belonged here and that he knew exactly what he was doing.

"It seems I lost the bet," he said. "Good trick. Mind telling me where we are now?"

"Care to guess?"

He frowned, looking around the room. There wasn't much to go on, just a few chairs and tables. There was an odd post in the center of the room, and the table nearest him had what looked like medical tools on it. He hoped those were just decorative.

"Oh, it's beyond obvious that you've kidnapped me for ransom," he said, picking the most likely option and bluffing his way with the rest. He just needed to keep her talking while he worked his hands free of the cuffs, quietly so she would not hear. "A terrible decision on your part, really. I realize that it's hard to believe, but my family has no appreciation for my talents. They're not going to part with a single dime on my behalf. If anything, they'd pay you to keep me. Not that I expect you to listen to my sage wisdom, but you'd really be better off releasing me before this business gets any uglier."

"Don't worry, I know that your family has left you for dead. I wouldn't have taken you if I thought anyone was going to look."

Now that was actually worrying. "What exactly do you mean by that?" he asked, mostly to stall for time since he didn't think he'd get a real answer from her. 

The door was right there, slightly ajar. Lily was smaller than him and didn't look particularly strong. He could overpower her if needed, especially if he caught her by surprise. And the sooner he got out of here, the better, before he found out firsthand why she didn't want anyone to come looking for him. One of his hands twisted free.

"I mean that I'm not interested in ransom. I'm going to make money from you in a much more surefire way." She grinned, and Fitz was sure he saw fangs there. That couldn't be right -- he had to be imagining things.

Still, she had somehow mesmerized him entirely. And she was very, very pale...

"And how do you intend to make this money?"

"I'll be selling you in an auction. An auction where you're going to be in very high demand. You see, your family's blood is extremely high quality, but it's too risky for us to take anyone whose disappearance might be investigated. That is, until you did the courtesy of divesting yourself of your pesky family. Really, I should thank you."

Fitz's mouth was going dry. "Did you say my blood? You mean my lineage? Because that --"

"No, I mean your literal blood." She was way too close to him now, and when she grinned, her fangs were very sharp and very obvious. How had he not noticed? "Haven't you figured out that I'm a vampire, yet? I thought you might be sharper than that."

"A vampire?" A chill gripped his heart. The evidence -- but no, there was no way. He forced himself to arrogantly laugh in her face. "You do realize I spend most of my time in the company of performers, magicians, occultists, fortunetellers, carnival freaks, and circus acts, don't you? I've rapped on the table during seances. I've been to a dozen rituals to trick rubes. Your vampire act is good, no doubt, but it falls a little short of believable."

She leaned back, and Fitz could see the door again. He slipped his other hand just free of the cuff. "You don't have to believe if you don't want," she said. "What you think hardly matters, especially when I'll be changing your mind. Now let's --"

He took his chance, leaping off the table, pushing her aside and bolting for the door. Fake vampire or no, he wasn't about to let himself be sold at any sort of auction. Thankfully, she clearly wasn't expecting him to slip the cuffs, so his escape should be --

His blood rushed to his ears as he was grabbed and slammed into a wall, with enough force to hurt but not enough to seriously injure him. Lily, the mousey woman a head shorter than him, with arms like fragile twigs, was effortlessly pinning him.

"You get one free attempt," she said. "Mostly because I like you, and you're far too valuable to harm."

Fitz kicked his legs uselessly, his struggles not even seeming to register with her. His panic was growing as he tried to think of an angle behind her apparently supernatural strength and reflexes and came up short. He'd never seen anything like this.

An actual vampire.

Yes, this was one of the worst of his mistakes.

With how effortlessly she'd stopped his dash for the door, escape probably wasn't an option as long as she had him in her sights. That meant his efforts had to go towards survival. Bluff and charm and stall and hope a better opportunity presented itself.

"Can you truly blame me?" he said, hoping his terror wasn't too obvious. Could a vampire smell fear? "I'm a magician. It's my instinct to try and escape. But I've learned my lesson, now."

"Have you?" she said, cocking her head. "You don't strike me as the type of man to learn his lessons easily."

"Perhaps not, but I am the type of man who would rather not be thrown into the wall again."

"That, I can believe," she said, releasing her grip. She walked over to a nearby cupboard, keeping her eye on him all the while. She pulled out a white linen shirt and slacks, tossing them at him. "Now, little magician, be nice and obedient and put these on without a fuss, and your body and mind can remain intact for now. How about it?"

"You want me to change in front of you?" Fitz asked, earning him an impatient glare. "Yes, yes, no fuss, lesson learned. I hope you enjoy what you see." He began unbuttoning his shirt, never breaking eye contact with Lily. He didn't like the sound of "intact for now." Nor did he like the implication that his mind would be harmed. She had him completely over a barrel, and all because he thought he could easily outwit a mesmerist. Stupid, stupid, he'd been so stupid.

He tried in vain to crush down his thoughts by making a great, dramatic show of whipping off his shirt, which gained no reaction whatsoever from Lily. "You know, you were quite good at being part of my magic show," he said as he stripped off the rest of his clothing. "And you have impressive talent as a mesmerist, not to mention your surprising strength. You could make a lot of money in vaudeville."

"I can make a lot of money selling humans."

"Vaudeville's a much easier paycheck, I would think."

"I wouldn't say that. It was awfully easy capturing you, wasn't it?"

Fitz couldn't help but scowl. There had to be some angle here. "Don't you feel a twinge of remorse, doing this? Kidnapping innocent people? Not me, of course, I'm hardly innocent, but surely others..."

"Oh, I do, at times. But my remorse pales compared to the size of my paycheck, not to mention my hunger for blood like yours."

"So that's it, then? Some vampire is going to drain me dry and leave me for dead?"

"Oh, not at all. With how valuable your blood is, it'd be extremely irresponsible to leave you for dead," she said. "No, more likely they'll leave you in a half-lucid state for years while they feed from you whenever the mood strikes them. If you're lucky, you'll get to keep enough of your mind to be a servant."

Stupid. Stupid. He'd been so stupid. "Well, doesn't that sound..." His composure broke, unable to think of a retort. Trapped by vampires, having his mind taken, being forced into servitude -- he always knew his life would lead him to some kind of bad end, but he didn't expect this sort of fate worse than death to be waiting for him. "Doesn't that just sound charming," he finished pathetically. 

The uniform was uncomfortably itchy and ill-made, and he was glad he had no mirror. "Well? Do I look the part of your prisoner?" he said, striking a pose before Lily.

"It'll do. You'll get a more thorough physical examination later," she said. "But it's almost sunrise, so for now I'll get you to your cell. Any funny business and I'll put you back to sleep."

"I think I've had enough charmed sleep for one night," he said, offering no resistance as Lily gripped his wrist and pulled him out of the room. They walked down a sterile corridor and through a set of metal double doors, the guard glaring at him as he passed through. The doors opened to a long row of prison cells, most filled with people in various states of misery. Some curled up, some sat on cots and stared vacantly at the wall, one woman was pacing and muttering to herself.

The reality of it all began to sink in. This wasn't a nightmare, or a trick, or a joke. He was actually a prisoner here, and he had no way out. It was all he could do to keep from fruitlessly struggling against Lily's grasp, knowing it could only make his situation worse.

She led him to an empty cell and motioned him inside, and he took a long look at the doors before reluctantly entering, the door closing behind him with a definitive clang.

"Meals are three times a night. The faucet water is for drinking and bathing. Use the bell if you need the chamber pot cleaned or if there is an emergency. Lights out means quiet. Noise during lights out, abusing the bell, or harming yourself will all be punished."

"What's the punishment?"

"Anything we like, so I wouldn't recommend testing it," she said. "Oh, and you should know that I am planning to keep your mind intact. I have an old friend who I think would appreciate your antics. But if you attempt to escape, that plan will change. Is that clear?"

Perhaps he had indeed learned a lesson, because he didn't doubt that she could do that. He had to do whatever it took to stay alive here. "Crystal clear."

"Good, I'm glad we can understand each other. I can tell we're going to get along well, Phantom Fitz."

"Like a house on fire," he said bitterly.

"Anyway, I'll leave you to stew in your many regrets. See you next evening."

As Lily walked away, Fitz flopped down on the meager cot with the rough mattress. Even his bed in the tiny room he'd rented was better than this. He couldn't help but think of his old family home -- the luxurious bed, the sumptuous food, the gorgeous clothing. He'd run away from it all to pursue his freedom, to live a life away from constant criticism and expectation. He'd been broke, slept in the nastiest of flophouses, gone hungry, begged, bartered, and stole. 

It had all been worth it when he was up on the stage, in his element. It was all going to be worth it when he made it big, when he basked in the applause of adoring crowds and rolled in riches every night. Approval he didn't need to wring out of his parents like blood from a stone, money that wasn't doled out with withering glares.

And now, that dream could all go up in smoke. A servant to a vampire. So much for freedom, fortune, and fame. If he had known...

He was stupid. So stupid.

Part 27 >> Masterlist >> Part 29

Thanks for reading this story of a down on his luck stage magician. Back to Oliver next.

@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin @whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps @amusedmuralist @snakebites-and-ink @xx-adam-xx @ivycloak @irregular-book @whumpsoda @mj-or-say10 @pokemaniacgemini @whumpshaped @whumpsday @morning-star-whump @shinyotachi @silly-scroimblo-skrunkl @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @pirefyrelight @theauthorintraining-blog @whump-me-all-night-long @anonfromcanada @typewrittenfangs

[bookwyrminspiration]

ok not to alvar post in your inbox again but liek.

“You want to talk about being left for dead?” Alvar lunged forward, but Sandor and Ro shifted their blades to block him. “ I was left in a pod of orange goo while my brother and sister stood by watching! The same brother who threatened to carve me up with a knife earlier that night! The brother who stopped pressing buttons to try to save me as the pod filled up—did he tell you that? He let the tank fill, waiting for me to drown” (632).

this excerpt makes me want to eat concrete in a good way. we love to talk about fitz stopping pressing buttons, but the way alvar is angry at fitz for stopping isn’t really talked about as much as it could be i think.

i always thought it was so funny because alvar was given the chance to change and come back from what he did throughout flashback. and when his memories came back, he made his choice to turn his back on his family, but he’s mad when said family turns their back on him in return. but i rlly wanted to hear your thoughts on this because you’re one of the most ardent buttonsposters on this site

this is FASCINATING. Okay, so. Looking at Alvar's familial feelings, a lot of his hatred is centered on his parents. He felt drowned in unrealistic expectations he could never live up to as the only Vacker kid, and saw Fitz as a replacement, his parents saying he'd never be good enough. Whether this is true isn't really relevant, as it's how he took it

Fitz ends up in a weird cross section here where he hasn't actually done anything to Alvar but exist. Alvar hates Fitz for replacing him, but it was their parents that chose to have him. Everything Alvar hates about Fitz is a manifestation of his resentment for Alden and Della.

Fitz is the perfect golden boy. A telepath like their father, the youngest to naturally manifest at that. Replaced Alvar in looking for Sophie--actually found her when Alvar passed her by. Fitz enrages Alvar for being everything he thinks their parents wanted that he wasn't

But Fitz doesn't have to be. I think that's key. Fitz could throw it all away, stop being perfect, drown under the pressure like Alvar did, and join him. And I think Alvar wants him to. Then he wouldn't be replaced, and instead Fitz could serve as evidence of how horrible their parents were. If Fitz breaks, too, then the problem wasn't with Alvar

And yet he isn't. FItz is choosing, again and again, his family. His parents. To be on the opposite side. Which means he's now making an active choice to become the replacement he inadvertently always was, proving the problem's with Alvar. Which means Alvar can hate him for being himself now. He's just like them, and he's turning their sister, too. The little sister who was the most likely to get him--so when she doesn't? They're blinded, representing everything wrong with their world. The expectations, the indoctrination of the next generations, everything

Alvar is desperate to be the one hurting. He grew up incredibly privileged and only talks of the burden it was. Keefe said Umber was left for dead and he immediately lashes back with this quote, talking about how he's been hurt just as much if not more because he got gooed. And not only that, his family gooed him.

Which reveals he does value family to an extent. If it's worse to be hurt by your siblings, it's because they matter more. Again, everything Alvar hates is centered on their parents. Fitz and Biana were supposed to choose him, to see his pain and understand him, leave their parents behind. They're siblings, even if they're bratty and naive.

We see that in the repetition of brother before each point; he's highlighting the connection they should've had--and blaming its dissolution on Fitz. A little on Biana, but mostly on Fitz, as Fitz was the replacement and the spark to the fuel of Alvar's suffering. The last straw. He's furious. And frames everything as if its unbelievable.

Which implies, potentially, that he wouldn't do the same. That he wouldn't take a knife to his sister, or watch his brother drown. That for all his talk, he sees them as different from their parents and that they matter, deep down.

I think Alvar is desperate to have his pain acknowledged, to be seen and understood, which is a valid desire. But he has blown it entirely out of proportion in his quest to be seen--and his siblings were his main hope. Who better to understand what being a Vacker kid did to him than the other Vacker kids? But because of that blowing it out of proportion, even though they're all Vacker kids, they can't understand. Because Alvar's reaction is illogical. He's in the wrong, and he refuses to understand or realize that because there's kernels of validity to his feelings.

so he's simultaneously furious at Fitz for replacing him, being everything he wasn't, and not choosing him, and desperate to be seen and acknowledged and understood by him and Biana.

basically Alvar's a clusterfuck of complications of a man

[krakenshipwreck]

pride classic 2024

wow, i had a great time last year but this year was maybe even more fun! i love that absolutely everything at KCI is so gay all weekend long. my rink, chock full of hockey queers! they turned all of the ads on the boards rainbow just like they did for pride night at climate pledge. even the refs had pride jerseys! they were having such a good time i had to take a picture.

my team again had good vibes, and so did all of our games, and i got to play with my FRIEND! we made it to the championship game in our division and fitz announced it and used all the kraken sound effects, like the nirvana riff after goals and the video game music at the end of a penalty and redbone after the final buzzer. then we lined up on the blueline and they hung medals around our necks like it was the world juniors.

i did not get to play with my d partner luke prokop this year (i am sure he was just as disappointed as i was) but watching him and andrew ference horse around during the all star game was a delight. i did get to play with and against j.t. brown, and i am sure he was letting me angle him out but he did it in a very non-condescending way so i enjoyed it very much.

i hurt everywhere and i will never play in another tournament again, until i do it again next year. my white tape job has all these little rainbow markings on it and i realized it's because i was lifting pride-taped sticks all weekend. :)

[dragoncookies]

About Chapter 43

So, this just a quick little comment I have about the “you kissed him, you didn’t even kiss me!” statement Fitz made. 

Fitz was so mature during this scene. He was completely under the assumption that Sophie still liked him romantically, and thought they were working to make the relationship work. Then, surprise! Sophie comes out and says she not only has feelings for Keefe, but kissed him and now has an arguably more defined relationship with Keefe than Fitz did for 3 books. (no sophie hate here, just Fitz’s perspective). Sophie herself still wasn’t even 100% sure she was completely over Fitz in this chapter, so her starting something with Keefe was NEWS for Fitz, to say the least.  

Personally, I would be flabbergasted. The situation is almost comical. It feels like Fitz got pranked. So when he went,

“I mean...you kissed him? You didn’t even kiss me!”

The notion that it could be perceived as immature went right over my head.

I actually laughed when I read him saying that because it’s true. It’s so realistic and on brand for Fitz’s character. It was kind of, to me, a funny way of writing Fitz reaction to the news. It felt light hearted and made the scene a little less grueling to get through. It just makes me chortle for no reason every time I think about it.

I don’t believe it was immature to say, either. I believe it was just a genuine reaction. Fitz is characterized as VERY blunt, to a fault, and speaks whatever is on his mind. So, this statement was probably just him trying to make sense of what was happening. I don’t think it was meant to be taken very seriously, or have actual meaning behind it.

Honestly, it was what I was thinking during the chapters following the kiss scene up until this point. Maybe that’s why I brushed over it. Could it be perceived as trying to guilt Sophie a little? Yeah. But what else was he supposed to say after Shannon described the hurt and devastation in his eyes? “That’s unfortunate, but I definitely don’t care about how quickly you moved on from me to Keefe”. NO. Fitz was so true and real for making that goofy little comment. 

Fitz is just so real. End of story. Stop bagging on his character. 

[thelavendernarwhal]

I received an ask that a person wanted answered anonymously, so:

But I really, truly cannot stop thinking about this one scene in Legacy. It’s around page 351.

“You mean having Dizznee pull some money from your birth fund and then hitting up a shop for a couple of minutes?” Keefe asked. “Yeah, Dex told me all about how not exhausting that was last night, when he checked in to tell me how things went for you two in London, while someone was off doing something with Mr. Forkle…”

So what I’m hearing is sleepy Dex on call with Keefe? Dex telling Keefe that he’s tired? A cute little nightly convo?

Side note, why was Dex tired? Does his ability make him tired? I need more elaboration, Shannon.

This scene is hella interesting to me since you look at it and it immediately seems like a Sokeefe scene, but in the middle, it has this seemingly random shift into talking about a completely different character dynamic. The context this snippet falls into is Keefe trying to cheer up Sophie after she had an argument with Mr Forkle. It all makes sense within of their relationship and dynamic, but this bit of dialogue is communicating something pretty different. It’s pointing out that Keefe and Dex have a close friendship that Sophie isn’t super aware of and that Sophie doesn’t spend a lot of time with/pay attention to Dex. 

Both of these things can be chalked up to the fact the story is from Sophie’s perceptive. The big plot details have to happen or be explained to her or else they won’t make it to the reader. That doesn’t leave a lot of page time for banter, especially for a character like Dex who’s narrative role can mostly be done off stage. Of course, Dex’s character can be used for a lot more than ‘cool gadget guy’ (ie class divides, matchmaking/queer allegories, parallels to many other characters, etc), but that’s a whole different can of worms. Having moments like this that show things happening outside of Sophie helps establish a larger, more lively world. It shows that Sophie isn’t the center of the universe. 

But these little moments can be established with many different characters. There are so many background dynamics and friendships that can be leveraged for this purpose which makes it interesting that specifically Keefe and Dex are highlighted. In fact, these two are highlighted in this way fairly often. Back in book 3, the two of them hit it off quickly and spend more time together outside of a group setting which then translates into many Keefex moments (including getting their team/ship name). Late night calls are probably pretty common. 

But what really gets me about all of this is the casualness and I think it's because few other relationships in this series have that. Even characters that are established to be best friends have a good amount of tension between them (ie Fitz and Keefe, Sophie and Dex, Stina and Marella), but Keefe and Dex don’t have that. There’s a sense of stability and trust. They hang out and talk to each other without a practical reason to do so. Dex feels okay complaining to Keefe about projects and, presumably, feelings of isolation. Especially seen in Unlocked, Keefe trusts Dex to help him and hear some of the ugly things he doesn’t want to say to Sophie. There's definitely a lot of room for cute late night conversation on call, but also for a chill relationship in a sea of high-tension dynamics. 

The length of this thing kind of got away from me but that's my take :) 

(Also, I'm exploring a lot more of the mechanics of technopathy in my own writing, so I think that it's possible that Dex’s experience is something very similar to Keefe’s as the Forbidden Cities has more integrated technology that seemingly ‘speaks’ to Dex. That could be very overwhelming for him, hence why he's tired.)

[annot8]

Top 20 RotE characters!

My final piece of ranking for this series!

There will be some spoilers in this!

20. Nettle

- If there’s one thing I love, it’s difficult women. Nettle is as harsh as her name suggests. I love young Nettle with her dream magic and how completely kind she is to Thick. And I love older Nettle, who doesn’t mind hurting Fitz’s feeling for Bee’s benefit. She is unforgiving and always strives to do what she thinks is best - even if she doesn’t always know what’s best.

19. Thymara

- Definitely my favourite Rain Wild character. She had my favourite POV in those books as well. I liked how her story paralleled Sintara’s, with her dragon features becoming more beautiful, getting her wings, and her determination to be her own woman. I didn’t love that she ended up with Tats and ended up having a kid with him, but again, it mirrored Sintara’s mating with Mercor.

18. Starling Birdsong

- are we seeing a theme? Starling is so great because she simply does not care if people like her personality. She’s beautiful, she’s talented, and she got her song. The way she destroyed Fitz in Golden Fool was a peak moment in this series. And something i love so much is that no matter how much Fitz complains about her or thinks she’s annoying, he can’t help but like her.

17. Chade Fallstar

- I hate him, I love him, he’s the worst, he’s the best. I’ve said this before - I have complicated feelings about Chade but regardless, they are strong feelings. Ngl, I misjudged his age and thought he was about 80 in the first book so when he made it to the last book?? Incredible. His death got me in a way that I really didn’t expect it to.

16. Dutiful Farseer

- My boy! He had some great development from the most fifteen year old boy ever, to a genuinely good king. I loved his dynamic with Fitz in Fool's Errand. It was really on sight with those two and it was entertaining the entire time. 

15. Selden Vestrit

- I saw someone say once that Selden felt like a random npc who managed to get a nat20 on charisma. He's great in Ship of Destiny, and fantastic in the Rain Wild Chronicles. His bond with Chassim was unexpected but so so lovely. 

14. Molly Chandler

- I understand why people don't like her. Her character gets in the way of Fitzloved. Soz guys, but I've seen too many female characters get hate because fans were rooting for a mlm ship. Don't get me wrong, its frustrating but Molly never inserts herself in Fitz's life. It the other way around. I think people don't like her less because of who she is and more because of what she represents. She's a simple life, and is the face of Fitz's delusion. But I love her. She's down to earth, she's rough around the edges, she's a simple gal who wants a simple life.

13. Etta

- Etta!!! From a Divvytown prostitute to Queen of the Pirate Isles??? Insane, incredible, showstopping. One thing that I absolutely love about her that I think is overlooked is that, despite how much Kennit was pushing for it and how much Wintrow was pining for her, it did not even cross her mind to get with this 15 year old boy. Kennit is all like 'teach the boys your… skills.' and she's like, ah yes, I will teach him how to use knives. Queen behaviour. 

12. Paragon

- Everyone's favourite murderous boat! His dynamic with Amber is great, and his friendship with Brashen is really underrated! He goes from being a grumpy old man to a bratty little boy in seconds (hmmm maybe the similarities between he and Fitz go past the face). He's unpredictable and he will kill again!

11. Althea Vestrit

- I fell in love with her immediately. She's rude to Kyle and then spends the next two weeks sleeping on the floor so she can be closer to Vivacia. She had my heart from the get go. Her ending will always leave a bitter taste in my mouth but none of it is her fault. She starts off a little immature and really grows into a woman worthy of captaining her own ship.

10. Wintrow Haven

- Ship of Magic!Wintrow has my entire heart. He frustrates me to no end with how he treats Vivacia but his arc is insane. He's generally an honourable guy. He frees the slaves and aids in the overthrowing of his father. He becomes a competent sailor and always shows Etta kindness. And despite his corruption by Kennit, he retains his moral compass and grows to be a good guy. I choose to ignore him in Ship of Destiny (just like Robin Hobb oops-) because I don't know who that man is :)

9. Malta Vestrit

- Without a doubt the best Liveships character. She has some of the best development I've ever seen. She's really the Amy March of Bingtown. She's self-centred, annoying, and that girlllllll. I love her so much. She's so clever and achieves so much.

8. Verity Farseer

- MY KING! treated Fitz like a human being which, in this book, is a step up from how most people treat him - especially when he's a boy. He's always a friendly face, even when he's so bogged down by defending the entirety of the Six Duchies with no thanks. He loved very honestly and had great respect for people who deserved it. And in the end, he made the ultimate sacrifice for his people for his folk. 

7. Bee Farseer

- She's just as much my daughter as she is Molly's, Fitz's, Nighteyes', and Beloved's. She won me over so quickly, and just when I thought I couldn't love her more, she started biting. I hope one day we see more of her!

6. LadyPatience

- You should have been mine???????? Such a fun, unapologetic character. She is so herself. I feel so seen by her constant, ever-changing hobbies and messy room. She and Lacey are the duo of the century.

5. Burrich

- When I read a book and I fancy a character, I tend to stay loyal to that character. I can love all of the characters, but I only love one. I took one look at Burrich and knew i'd found my man. His parenting skills were questionable at time, but he was doing what he thought was right. He gave up his life to raise Chivalry's son. He stepped up and took care of Molly with no expectations. He raised Nettle like she was his own. Just a solid, good man.

4. Nighteyes

- The best parent in this whole series. He's sarcastic, he's clever, and he's got such an entertaining dry sense of humour. He's a great influence on Fitz and he isn't afraid to call him out. The Wit is such a fantastic aspect of this series and the wit-bond that Fitz and Nighteyes share is so so beautiful. 

3. Kettricken

My Queen. I haven't felt this strongly about a character in a long time. Always a beacon of honour in a story of political intrigue, secrets, and betrayal. They really lucked out with this arranged marriage. Not a single person in this story deserved her. 

2. Beloved

- Fool, Amber, Lord Golden, Beloved. What a character. every facet of this character is so interesting and deep and beautiful. Amber was THE character in Liveships, the Fool was THE character in Farseer, Beloved with THE character in Tawny Man. THE CHARACTER OF ALL TIME.

Fitz

- You get it.

[krenenbaker]

Ikevil Character Song Associations

These songs are all mostly based on the first impressions and vibes I've got from the characters, so there may be some songs that don't fit as well as they could.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions on these choices!

William

Solar Waltz - Cosmo Sheldrake

I’m not sure what it is, but this feels like a very William-esque song to me. The waltz form has a certain poise in the same way that William does, and the lyrics’ themes - though I don't know him very well yet - in my mind, suit him.

“And work they must And work they shall For all the things to grow”

Harrison

Green - Kera & The Lesbians

This one is more based on genre / vibe than lyrics, but they still fit. Harrison feels like he exudes this kind of moderate-tempo, mostly relaxed energy that this song also has.

“Though, yes, it’s true, your smile confuses a few. But I can see how you start grinning your eyes And it says: There’s somethin’ wicked in you”

Liam

Curses - The Crane Wives

Liam’s a bit playful and always presents in a positive manner, despite how dark his internal world is. I see a lot of him and his behaviour in both the instrumentals and in the lyrics of this song.

“Every word I say is kindling But the smoke clears when you're around Won't you stay with me, my darling When my walls start burning down, down, down?”

Elbert

Cement - Nicole Dollanganger

This song feels a bit lonely, and the lyrics focus on the preservation of things a person loves and finds beautiful (even to their detriment), which from what I understand about Elbert… fits him to a T.

“The things you love you put into cement In order to keep them they have to be dead You think that he’s yours but it’s only in your head His coffin is not your arms, his grave is not you bed”

Alfons

Bourbon Street - Jeff Tuohy

Alfons is quite the hedonist, and this song certainly reflects that. It also is rather relaxed in tempo, while still having a drive behind it - much like Alfons himself.

“When I walk the street, people step aside Twirling my cane and smiling wide Some would say I’m a carnal slave I put my hands on what I crave”

Roger

Schism - TOOL

I can’t think of many genres that would suit Roger better than rock. And this specific song just feels like him. Especially considering the (slight) division that there seems to be between Roger and the other members of Crown…

“I know the pieces fit 'Cause I watched them fall away Mildewed and smoldering Fundamental differing”

Jude

Follow Me - Odd Chap, J Fitz

When I see Jude, I immediately think ‘electro-swing’. I just think it matches his energy well! I had a feeling that the lyrics to this one also work well with Jude, though I also am the shakiest on his character, so it may not be the best pick for him.

“I′m reaching out yeah So please come follow Our time is coming So please come follow”

Ellis

All I Do Is Dream Of You - Faultline, dodie

I’m also a little uncertain of Ellis’ character, but this song has a similar gentleness and… thoughtfulness(?) that Ellis appears to show as well. 

“You're every thought, you're everything You're every song I ever sing All I do the whole night through Is dream of you”

Victor

Villainous Thing - Schayfer James

This song could honestly describe the entirety of Ikémen Villains as a game, but seems especially applicable to Victor. It has a surprisingly fun tone, while beckoning you into the darkness at the same time.

“Me and you are overdue for fiendish laughter. Oh dear, let me see those smoky eyes 'cause you're a villainous thing, and we can't have you living a lie”

[backgroundagent3]

for the character ask, daisy johnson!

Thank you so much for the ask! 💜 I love any excuse to talk about Daisy Johnson.

First impression: I'm trying to squeeze my brain here, but all I remember was trying not to like her at first because I knew se was a double agent for the Rising Tide. It goes without saying I failed miserably about three episodes in.

Impression now: She is my favourite character of all time.

Favorite moment: I really can't choose, but one that comes to mind was the final fight of season 5. I think it's a very underrated fight scene, because it's the end of the world, her dad is dying, she has been recently betrayed and tortured by her friend, and she still goes into battle BY HERSELF against Talbot, and if that wasn't bad enough, when she's about to die a horrible death she realises that the only way she can save the world is if she takes the serum and basically condemns the person she loves most to his death. It's so heartbreaking and poetic, but very cool to watch, and I just love so much it, idk.

Idea for a story: This is angsty but I would love to read something where the events of 5.14 are properly dealt with. May watches the security cameras and goes ballistic on Fitz, and Daisy gets time to grieve and heal. They get Coulson back and he's horrified, and Jemma is so conflicted but she's there for her best friend.

Unpopular opinion: Since apparently I can't stop thinking about season 5, here's some more. I think she actually did a good job of leading the team in season 5b. Especially if you consider that she's been recently tortured, her family doesn't seem to care, she has no experience, and hasn't gotten a good nights sleep in about 5 years. She might be tough, but hello? IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD?? You have to be at least a little bossy if you wanna make it through that. Also if you're gonna be a baby and call her a hard ass maybe you should have thought twice before joining SHIELD.

Favorite relationship: If it's romantic, then Sousa. I love them so so much, they're literally perfect and despite my obvious outrage at season 5, I will forever love the AoS writers for somehow pulling that off. As for platonic relationships, I'd say May. She's the perfect mother figure for her, and I love the parallels between them. I think Daisy has the best relationships in general, but this one is my favourite. Honourable mentions go to Coulson for being the most unhinged dad ever, and to Jemma for being the sweetest friend in the earlier seasons.

Favorite headcanon: before she goes off to space at the end of season 7, she rebuilds Afterlife with the help of Sousa and Kora. I've said this before, but I think they are actually the perfect team to do this. Kora has lived in Afterlife her whole life, she's seen Jiaying help people go through Terrigenesis, and she's been though it herself in a much healthier and safer environment than Daisy. Sousa is reasonable and calm, which are good qualities to have when you're helping someone who's terrified and potentially dangerous. He has experience leading people, which I think would make him a good mentor for the Inhumans. So Kora has the experience, Sousa has the qualities, and in my opinion, Daisy has a nice combination of the two. She has a different and much more horrifying experience of Terrigenesis that people who accidentally go though it can relate to, and she has spent years exploring and controlling her powers, so she knows what the deal is. And she's also a good leader, so where Sousa can help the Inhumans pre-Terrigenesis, she can train them after if that's what they want. Because that's another thing, SHIELD may be funding Afterlife, but they've learnt their lesson and they're not sticking their noses where they shouldn't. They accept new recruits and help train them, but if that's not what the Inhumans want, then SHIELD helps them get settled back into their normal lives. Anyways this got long but it's one of my favourite headcanons, so there you go.

Thank you so much for the ask! Sorry for rambling, but I have a lot to say about Daisy. 🌼💛

Character Asks.

[cyberphuck]

ROYAL ASSASSIN ABRIDGED: PART TWO

My friend Razz wants to understand my shitposting about Robin Hobb’s Farseer Trilogy, but they don’t want to actually have to read the books, so I’m summarizing it for them (and you)! (Check out all the other entries in the Farseer Trilogy Abridged series at the masterpost. Also if you think I’m funny you can send me a ko-fi from there.)

EDIT: added some strikethroughs where they were supposed to go and put something funny where I had just left the reminder to write something funny. Last Time on Dragon Book Z (rip Toriyama sensei), Fitz finally made it home from the mountains. He’d seen via Skill-o-Vision that Molly had been viked by Vikings, and he was desperate to see if she’d flagged herself ‘safe’ from Being Raided on Facebook…

The next day, Fitz is minding his own business being told by Cook Sara that he looks like shit when he spontaneously decides to climb sixty four flights of stairs. Considering that his tiny teenaged body is still 89% poison by volume and he just got home from the worst road trip of his life (so far!), by the time he gets to the top he's facedown on the floor, pushing himself along by his toes.

  “Hello, Lil Accident,” Verity says, putting down his binoculars. “Wow, you look like shit.”

  “So I’ve been told,” Fitz mumbles to the floor. ”You look a lot less skeletal than when I last saw you.“

  ”Thanks! I had sex.“

  Fitz tries to get up and fails. ”I didn't even know you'd be up here.”

  “Aha, but you see, I Skilled you here, and you didn't even know it. In fact I've been balls-deep in your brain for a week with you none the wiser, because this is a thing I can do with the Skill.“

  Fitz spits out a mouthful of dust. ”Wow, when do I get to learn that kind of thing?“

  ”Never,“ Verity smiles, turning back to the window. ”Come look at my ships.“

  Dragging himself up to the windowsill, Fitz peeks out. “Neat! We'll be able to defend ourselves against the Vikings with these for sure!“

  ”Yes,” Verity growls. “And I can't wait to continue the cycle of violence by going all the way to the Viking home planet and viking them back!“

  Somewhere downstairs, the Fool rubs his temples, sighing loudly.

  ”Anyway, now that I've forced you to climb all the way up here, let's go back down so I can get something to eat.” Verity picks Fitz up by the scruff of his neck. “I want to hear all about your little trip to the Big Onion.“

  They head down to Verity's man cave, and after watching 'ASSASSIN'S APPRENTICE ENDING EXPLAINED— WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO AUGUST,' Verity reads the comments, most of which point out that Regal should have totally died in a fire for plotting to kill his own brother and murdering a bunch of the wedding party.

  Fitz looks at the hay bale in the corner, where the Fool is updating his Linkedin. ”Listen, I have a way bigger part in this book than the last one,“ the Fool says without looking up. ”I'm not gonna have time to re-explain who everybody is to you whenever you want. I've got a big death scene coming up.“

  ”You're going to die?!“ Fitz cries.

  ”Someone is,“ the Fool murmurs.

  ”You're probably wondering why I haven't punished Regal for any of the stuff he did last book,“ Verity says, steepling his fingers. ”And the truth is, I'm not going to, because he'll just throw a temper tantrum about it and I don't want to deal with that.“

  ”What if he tries to kill one of us again?“

  ”Pff, don't worry about it, Lil Accident.“ Verity waves him off. ”You can take tomorrow off to go look for your dead girlfriend.“

  Fitz stands up. ”Thanks Prince Verity, I'm gonna go have a seizure before bed.“

  But as soon as he steps out of the room, Lacey jumpscares him and drags him off to go see Lady Patience, who is laying in a pile of her current hyperfixations. ”You missed the wedding,” she says accusingly.

  ”Sorry, Mrs. My Dead Dad's Wife,“ Fitz sighs. ”Regal tried to, uh, do whatever the opposite of poisoning me and trying to drown me is, and now whenever I get excited I fall over.“ He accepts a glass of wine from Lacey, then dumps it over his head. “I've gotta move on to the next plot point now.”

  Fitz is staggering up the stairs, leaving a wet smear of Rosé after him, when a Servant Girl comes to take his arm. “Here, sir,” she says sweetly. “Let me help you weave drunkenly back to your chambers. Wouldn't want you falling down the stairs and breaking your stupid lying neck.”

  “Thanks, mysterious servant girl. You can drop me off at the corner, I’ll walk from here.”

  But instead of letting him have a seizure in peace, the Servant Girl punches him in the gut and kicks him in the nads, because she's Molly!

  “Holy shit, you're alive!” Fitz sobs. “Oh man, I had a vision that you got viked, it was awful—”

  Molly kicks him in the nads again. “I did get viked, and afterwards I came here looking for you to ask you to loan me some cash, or get married to me. My dumb ass went around to all the servants going 'hey, have you seen the scribe's apprentice, he looks just like FitzChivalry Farseer,' and someone filmed me and made a TikTok titled 'tfw you find out your boyfriend is really The Bastard.'”

  “Oh,” Fitz cringes.

  “Yeah 'oh,'” Molly says. “It has sixteen million views and hashtag Cat-Fitzed is trending on Twitter.”

  “It's called X now,” Fitz squeaks. “What about the older, hotter guy I saw you walking off with?“

  ”That was my cousin,“ Molly snarls. ”Do you think I'd date someone with an earring?“

  “Gosh, it's a good thing I don't wear one of those,” Fitz says, polishing his collar.

  ”Anyway, you're gross and I hate you,“ Molly declares. ”Do not, under any circumstances, continue to attempt to woo me. Goodbye.”

  Despite Fitz's best efforts, he continues to have a seizure any time he tries to do anything except have a seizure. Even into the next day, he's still ragdolling like a character in a seventy dollar video game on release day. The Fool appears briefly to catch a glimpse of Fitz in his underwear, but before they can do any real flirting, Lacey and Patience show up again.

  “Listen, Prince Dumbass,” Patience says, “you fucked up bigtime letting Molly think she was in your league. She came here thinking you'd grown up in a double-wide same as her, drinking off-brand kool aid and saving butter containers to use as tupperware. When people found out you lied to her, they started calling her a hump-and-dump.”

  “But we never even humped,” Fitz objects.

  “And it's a good thing, too, because as royalty you're only allowed to hump at the King's pleasure. Princes are not allowed to run around sticking their dick in whoever they want, that's how we ended up with you. You'd just make a bunch more Fitzes, and we don't have enough paid extras anymore to traumatize *all* of those kids.”

  “We could drown them,” Lacey suggests, working on a cross-stitch that says 'GALS BEING PALS.'

  ”They wouldn't be Fitzes if me and miss Molly got married,“ Fitz says. ”I'll just go and do that real quick.“

  Patience whacks him in the head with a rolled up newspaper. ”No! You're going to marry whoever the King tells you to marry, and no one else. We learned our lesson with Chivalry: we can never, ever allow you to have any control over your life whatsoever, and that includes caring about anyone other than whoever is wearing a crown that day. Besides, didn't you already sign a contract to do whatever King Shrewd told you to do without question forever?”

  “I was nine, I don't really feel like that was binding—”

  Patience grabs Fitz by the front of his shirt and jerks him forward. “Do not,” she says, “have sex with Molly. Do NOT have sex with Molly. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH MOLLY.”

  “No promises,” Fitz shrugs. “Hey, do you have a backstory other than being the ADHD widow of my deadbeat dad?”

  Patience runs away crying. As soon as she's gone, Chade shows up. “Hey,” he says gently. “Don't cry. Kettricken's dad roped her into a political marriage and now she's miserable and lonely. That can happen for you, too.”

  “This sucks,” Fitz moans.

  “Remember not to have sex with Molly,“ Chade says as he crawls back into his wall-hole.

  ”Whatever. I'm going down into town to find my soulmate.”

  Fitz, wearing his slouchiest beanie, his blackest hoodie, and his unhappiest expression of teenaged angst, stomps down the road into Buckkeep town, hands shoved in his pockets. “Stupid Farseers,” he mutters. ”Always hasslin' me and tellin' me what to do. What do they know? Man, nobody understands what it's like to be me.“

  *Oh, you you think you got it bad, little bitch boy?*

  The entire fandom erupts into cheers and applause as the character in possession of the single teaspoon of sense in the entire series arrives.

  Fitz looks up, snarling, and locks eyes with a wolf trapped in a cage labeled 'ESSENTIAL NPC'. The angry little ball of fluff is just one of many wares sold by a dude in a full body fursuit. “Good morrow, emo child,” Fursuit says, oozing greasily forward. “I see you eyeballing that young cub. You know, an animal like that could really be useful if, say, you were a royal Bastard with Doctor Doolittle magic who was sent out to fight zombies a lot.“

  ”I'll trade you a pack of gum for him,“ Fitz offers.

  ”He's worth way more than that,“ Fursuit says. ”I went through all the trouble of building a rocketship for his wolf-mother and wolf-siblings so they could return to their home planet.“

  *I'll kick your ass! I'll kick everyone's ass! I'll kick my own ass!!*

  *'Shut up, I'm negotiating!'*

  ”A pack of gum AND this cool rock I found,“ Fitz bargains expertly, then kicks Fursuit in the shin, grabs the wolf, and runs off.

  Fitz carries Wolfcub back up to Buckkeep, looking forward to the 'wrestling with a wild animal to show dominance' scene, but then realizes that the cub is too weak and tiny to put up a good fight. What was even the point of having a pet wolf if he couldn't have a badass fight with it and then stand shirtless against the sunrise? Also, Fitz has already had two canines in his life bond to him and then have to return to their home planets, and he's kind of tired of that happening.

  *'My apartment has a no pets policy, so you're gonna have to stay in the tool shed,'* he tells Wolfcub. *'Don't wit-bond to me.'*

  Then, with nothing better to do, he leaves to go do the thing Patience and Chade explicitly told him not to: Have Sex With Molly.  ”The fuck is wrong with you lately?“ Burrich asks, some days later while he and Fitz are hanging out at the bar.

  Fitz sighs. ”I keep trying to have sex with Molly, but things are always getting in the way of my dick," he says mournfully.

  ”Mm. Been there,“ Burrich mutters, pulling down his sleeve to cover up his 'PATIENCE CHIVALRY BITTERNESS AND BURRICH 4 EVER' tattoo. ”Which one is Molly?“

  ”The hot one that kicks people in the nuts.“

  ”Oh, yeah. Half my age. I like that in a girl,“ Burrich says, and everybody decides to just go with it. ”Here's my advice to you: give up and move on. Get your post-rejection glow up, and your girl will go off to marry someone else.“

  ”That sounds like it sucks,“ Fitz says doubtfully. “When do I finally get to have sex with her?”

  Burrich grins. “That's the neat thing! You don't.”

  The next morning, Fitz gets out of bed, takes a big, cleansing breath, then puts his earbuds in and turns on his Montage Song.

  “Time for that glow up,” he says really loudly because he can't hear himself over the music.

  'Cause baby you're a firework

Fitz wrapping measuring tape around his bicep and frowning;

come on and show 'em what you're worth

running laps around the castle with Wolfcub chasing after him;

make 'em go oh! oh! Oh!

standing on one foot like in Karate Kid while Pat Morita decomposes nearby;

as you you shoot across the sky-ay-ay

Burrich taking away his AXE body spray and shoving him into the shower;

baby you're a firework!

carb-loading at the local Fantasy Pizzeria;

come on and let your colors burst

lifting weights while Wolfcub tries to bite him;

make 'em go oh! oh! Oh!

measuring his bicep again, and nodding in satisfaction.

you're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

  “I'm bored,” Kettricken sighs as she and Fitz hang out with Kettricken's entourage. “I wish Verity would get me pregnant.“

  ”How can you be bored with fifty people constantly offering to play with you?“ Fitz says. ”Also, ew.“

  ”I could be back home fighting bears and lifting sacks over my head,” Kettricken whines, “but I'm stuck here in Lamesville with these boring losers and my husband is constantly off doing Skill stuff instead of having sex with me. Lady Modesty is constantly suggesting we watch the 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice,” she adds, disgusted.

  Fitz slaps her. “Your job here isn't to be butch! This castle has been a fucking sausage party for years, and the best person to Girlboss it up is you. That means making moodboards, drinking iced coffees, doing each other's nails and YES, watching the objectively worse version of Pride and Prejudice! Look at Lady Hopeful, she's unironically singing along to 'I Knew You Were Trouble'! Now suck it up, buttercup, and go watch the part where Mr. Darcy confesses his love to Elizabeth!”

  “Yes sir,” Kettricken mumbles.

  “Bastard, first name The?“ a messenger says as he clips through the wall. ”King Shrewd finally wants to see you.“

  Fitz stands up, brushes himself off, and heads up to Grandpa's house...