#but then its the 'when you wanna hate him but you just cant'

[serejae]

margaret

myung jaehyun x doodler!reader

syno; a pencil lead you to him now

a/n ; uncapitalization is intended, some kissing, inspired on our beloved summer besides the exes factor lol :-), enjoy

it was a late night, jaehyun wasn’t home yet and you couldn’t quite fall asleep yet. so you decided to kill two birds with one stone. ever since you were young you had a hobby of drawing, it was normal for you to get asked from people to draw them. unfortunately for them your drawings don’t focus on people but rather sights. as you organized your old drawings you came across a dusty folder hidden all the way in the back of your shelf, curious to see what it is you grab it and clear the dust off. the cover of the folder doesn’t go unnoticed with masking tape messily on it with the words “DO NOT OPEN. YOURE CRAZY.” written on top. you laugh to yourself slighty and take the risk going against your past self. when opening the folder a tiny pencil falls out and all the memories suddenly flash back. picking up the pencil, you immediately sit down and go through the folder.

-

it was almost 2 years ago. you were sketching in a cafe when you got distracted by your phone that you didn’t notice one of your pencils falling out of your pencil case. someone suddenly diverts your attention away from your phone. looking up you see the most (not even exaggerated) mesmerizing man, his lips turn up slight and he clears his throat “sorry for bothering you, but your pencil fell” he said with a slight blush on his face and reddish ears. you laugh slightly and thank him expecting that to be the end of your conversation but to your suprise he paused for a second thinking about what to say

“are you here alone?”

the wise answer wouldve been no, i mean you dont even know the guy

“yeah”

“can i sit?”

-

while reminiscing the moment you played with the pencil, the pencil was special, not only because it lead you to jaehyun but the steps it took to realize you loved him.

there were 2 drawings of jaehyun. the only drawings you ever drew of a person

-

drawing 1 .

its been 2 weeks since you met jaehyun. you both had been talking regularly and you hated it: not because you disliked him or anything but rather the opposite. you found yourself developing a

crush. :-/

as you sat at your table shaking your good pencil between your fingers staring at the blank paper that seems to be staring at you back. thats when you started imagining eyes, nose, lips, a face on the paper but not just anyones face. it was myung jaehyun’s. you never had the urge or willingness to draw a person but something inside your soul was telling you to. trying to push the thoughts back you starting thinking to yourself

“i don’t even remember his face accurately”

“its been 2 weeks pfft”

*ding*

pausing at the notification you flip your phone over and the screen illuminates.

myung jae !

**ONE NOTIFICATION **

“if your not too busy do you wanna ft?:p”

fuck.

before replying back (a obvious yes) you scramble your desk for the pencil he had handed you that day. the pencil was tiny, you kept it because you kept forgetting to throw it away but once you find it you reply with a

“sure”

cant seem too desperate right?

and as he calls you and the screens connect, your met with a familiar face and start doodling. focusing on his voice and you drew, you looked up every so often studying his face.

after finishing you date the corner and shove it in the back of your drawer.

-

drawing 2 .

your crazy.

its been 9 months since you first met jaehyun and it takes every muscle in you to not draw him. you can’t feed into your delusional or into the thought that you might have a crush on him. at this point its more then a stupid crush. you would say you just really really really like jaehyun but you guys werent even dating yet and thats the problem.

everyday for these past 9 months the two of you have become incredibly close, might i add a little too close.

all you could think about was him and normally in situations like this you would draw things you like to get your mind off of whatever you were stressed about which sadly wouldn’t work in this situation

as he was what you like and all you could think about.

after a hour on debating (3 minutes) you sigh and open your camera roll, opening the album “mjae<{3” your favorite photo of him, one you didnt even know you took but there was something different about the photo

his eyes.

theres no way he couldnt feel the same about you, right?

shut up.

you stopped the thoughts and started doodling, sketching all the details on his face. youve memorized his face probably more then your own now that you think about it.

adding the finishing touches and dating it, you back away from the paper and stare at it

how does he have you wrapped around his finger so well?

grabbing your phones you search variations of questions into google

“why cant i stop thinking of a guy”

“how to know if you like a guy”

“does my crush like me????” you made sure to find one made bv a guy to insure accuracy.

unfortunately the answers didnt help you

they all lead back to love

and thats when you realized

you don’t really like myung jaehyun

your inloveeeeeeee with myung jaehyun.

jumping onto your bed you scream into your pillow and go into a rage. scrambling around your room you find a folder, empty everything inside, get tape from your desk and aggressively put the tape on there. taking your marker you write “DO NOT OPEN. YOUR CRAZY.” you stuffed the current drawing in there as well dug in your drawer for the previous one. once inside you grab the pencil that started it all and put it inside too. then shoving it to the back of your shelf.

-

a year after meeting jaehyun thats when he finally asked you to be his partner, he had asked to meet in the same cafe you 2 had met. you arrived on time while jaehyun was a bit late, you didnt mind too much though. while waiting you scrolled on your phone when you suddenly heard a voice

“excuse me?

i think you dropped this.”

you look up confused and see a bouquet of flowers with a sticky note attached to it

“be my partner? (plz)” as well a silly drawing of you and jaehyun as cat and dog. looking up you see his familiar face that has a reddish tint

“of course.”

-

you hear the door open snapping you out of your thoughts

“baby? im home!”

“at my desk jae”

you hear him shuffe his way to your desk and kisses you on the head before looking at your desk

“oh look! its the pencil i gave back to you when we first met, you still have it?” he laughed, his eyes shift over to the two drawings on the table of no other then, him.

“woah…”

he said as he picked up the drawings seeing the dated marks

“these are amazing babe, but i thought you didnt draw people?”

you look down at the pencil and smile

oh you couldn’t wait to tell him the storied behind the drawings

you looked up at the sticky note on your wall before opening your mouth

“funny story…”

[quijabored]

OKAY SO I JUST FINISHED WATCHING LIKE THE ENTIRETY OF S3 FOR BSD SO UH SPOILERS FOR A LOT OF IT BUT ESPECIALLY THE ENDING CUZ HOOOLYYY SHIIITTTTT

I JUST

I CANT PUT MY THOUGHTS DOWN INTO COHERANT SENTANCES SO LIVE LAUGH BULLETPOINTS ((o(^∇^)o))

OKAY SO AKUTAGAWA AND ATSUSHI???

THEYRE GONNA WORK TOGETHER ARENT THEY I JUST KNOW DAMN WELL DAZAIS GONNA LIKE MAKE IT SO THEYRE COINCIDENTALLY PAIRED UP TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF A GUY

ALSO THE PROMISE ATSUSHI HAD AKUTAGAWA MAKE??? FYM AKUTAGAWA CANT KILL PEOPLE HES IN THE *PORT MAFIA.*

Just realizing I don't know how to do the whole colored text or different font thingy BUT ANYWAYS

STILL I LOVE ATSUSHI FOR THAT AND SINCE IT WAS MADE WITH A GOAL IN MIND, I REALLY HOPE I GET TO SEE AKUTAGAWA DEVELOPMENT

AAAAHHHH HES SO SILLY I LOVE AKUTAGAWA HES MY SON

SPEAKING OF SONS

IVAN??? HES SO ME LIKE HE IS SO ME????

ASAGIRI WAS SPYING ON ME WHEN MAKING IVAN FR

Funny thing when I first started getting into the fandom bit for bsd and I saw Fyodor being simped on I was like "eeehh I mean I guess hes cool but I dont really get it. Like sure hes an interesting character but..." AND THEN I SLOWLY STARTED BECOMING A FYODOR SIMP AND I JUST SKDHKSJD I HATE THAT MAN I HATE THAT MAN HES SUCH AN ASSHOLE

please I love him so much hes such a bitch I hate him I love him so much

"If Fyodor told me to cut my skin off I would" FUCKING SAME

ALSO AAAAAA THE ENTIRE TIME LIKE I WAS JUST STIMMING LIKE IM TELLING YOU IT WAS AJSHSKDJSJ

I HAVENT HYPERFIXATED ON A SERIES LIKE THIS SINCE THE PROMISED NEVERLAND (Specifically the manga. Miss you Yuugo)

AAAAAA ALSO THE FACT THAT CHUUYAS JUST STUCK IN POES STORY??

AND POE BEING LIKE "But if Ranpo were to die what would be my reason for living..." LIKE HELLO??? I LOVE MY OTHER SON (Poe)

AND AND AND FYODOR???? AHHHHHH HES SUCH A BITCH I LOVE HIM

THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS REALLY COMMUNICATING QITH MUSIC??? ALSO THE SURPRISED AND SHOCKED LOOK AT THE END WHEN DAZAI FOUND HIM??

I KNOW WE SEE MORE OF HIM LATE BUT FUCK

ALSO FYODORS ABILITY?? From what I saw it seems that it's just kill by touch but if Dazais like "welp, idk" then I'm guessing it's a bit more complicated than that AND I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS AAAA

Also Mori and Fukuzawa did the sskk punchy thingy they did in the end of S2!! I'm not sure if people ship them (I refuse to take in any content about Mori) but if people do then win for them :D

Also Im extremely excited to see Nikolai cuz hes me minus the Ukrainian terrorist bit BUT AAAA I HOPE I GET TO SEE HIM SOON

JUST SEARCHED IT UP ITS S4 EP 5 AND AAAAAA

I can't watch BSD until tommorow now cuz I wanna have a minute to process everything BUT AAAA I CANT WAIT TO WATCH S4

Fyodor made me feel so many ways I love him

AAAAAAA OKAY SO MY FAVORITE BOY (Akutagawa) IS ALSO SUPER SILLY THOUGHOUT THIS WHOLE THING LIKE

THE SCENE WHERE ITS LIKE "Are you sure youre the real Akutagawa?"

"Yeah."

"...And youre not gonna try and kill me?"

"Yeah."

"What did you have for breakfast?"

"Yeah."

LIKE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

Live laugh love Dazai but FUCK MAN AKUTAGAWAS TRAUMATIZED

Like don't get me wrong I love Aku how he is and I'm gonna love him more when I learn more about his character, but god damn it hurts to watch him seem so reliant on Dazais praise and Dazais approval like akdjkajsdj Ive been there my boy :(

ALSO I FEEL SO BAD FOR KUNIKIDA LIKE HE HAD TO GO THROUGH SO MUCH THIS SEASON

I PROBABLY HAVE OTHER THINGS TO SAY BUT AHDKSJDKWBD I LOVE BSD AND I CANT REMEMBER WHAT ELSE I WANTED TO YAP ABOUT BUT AAAAHHH ASAGIRI WHEN I CATCH YOU ASAGIRI- ASAGIRI WHEN I CATCH YOU-

Twas talking about this scene earlier btw :3

AH ALSO WHEN FYODOR GOT SMASHED WITH A WINE BOTTLE??? HELLO??? I LOVE HIM BUT I STARTED LAUGJING AT THE SCENE

[omgeto]

Incoming... long lost love ex!geto who comes to see you for one last time—on the night that he's going to die.

[kaeyapilled]

i am still not over the fact arlecchino is referred to as "father" by the house of the hearth kids btw. the gender of it all

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

[batcavescolony]

I'm back talking about Harry Potter and Snape's worst memory because while I hate the author y'all bug me.

Snape worst memory isn't James bulling him or string him up in front of the school, (that was bad I'm not saying it wasn't) it was Lily ending her friendship with him because he called her a Mudblood. With evidence.

To prove my point we have to go read the Deathly Hallows when Snape gave Harry his memories! We get to see the scene again but this time the thing that sticks out the most is Snape calling Lily a Mudblood. Now if that's not enough proof the next memory goes like this.

*Outside Gryffindor Tower*

Snape: I'm sorry

Lily: I'm not interested

S: I'm sorry!

L: save your breath... I only came out here because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.

S: I was. I would have done. I never ment to call you a Mudblood it just-

L: Slipped out? It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends- you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you? I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.

S: No-listen, I didn't mean-

L:-to call me a Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?

*Lily leaves. Memory ends*

The next memory is Snape becoming a turn coat for Dumbledore so he could keep Lily safe because Voldemort wouldn't spare her.

Snape has had worse experiences then a teenage James Potter being a bully (even if it was shitty). so we look at the rest of the memory and lo and behold what do we see? The actual worst moment of Snape life, the moment he lost Lily forever.

[widevibratobitch]

god please. please dont make me watch outlander now just because i saw one (1) post that made me so hard i blacked out for a moment. stop giving me your hardest battles i am begging

[ladyimaginarium]

i swear to g-d im& not even the jealous type but jfc i HAAAAAAATE this feeling when im& just lowkey like. who's :)))))) this :))))) bitch 👀👀👀👀🔪🔪🔪🔪 :))))))

[zoppzoop]

GAAHAHHHHH

[gifti3]

If solomon asked me to be a defender of humanity, i dont think i could look him in the eye and say yes

[hecksupremechips]

Persona romance routes are all pretty bad but damn they really hit rock bottom with p3p femc route like the misogyny is very blatant and it’s almost hilarious like look at the Shinjiro romance. When you do his social link he’s like very clearly respectful of Kotone as a leader and explicitly says stuff like "oh yeah you’re clearly the best fighter we have, I don’t really know much about fighting like you do, I hope I’m not dragging you down, you’re doing a good job as leader just remember to take care of yourself, everyone looks up to you I know you can rely on them" etc. like he has faith in her leading abilities. But then when you romance him he’s like got dialogue like "bwah bluh i gotta look after you because you’re a GIRL and you need to stick by me, a big strong MAN so you don’t get hurt" and "don’t wear that revealing outfit in front of other guys 👺" and it’s like. Does he respect her or not and also like it doesn’t make sense for him to look down on her for being a girl cuz he literally has never not been led by a girl leader during his time in sees and Mitsuru in particular really has her shit together when it comes to being responsible and a good fighter and she’s always known the most about Tartarus

It’s also like. Idk maybe its just me I’m not a girl so FUCK IF I KNOW but to me the appeal of romancing Shinji is the fact that he’s sweet and sensitive and gentle and has respect for you despite the fact that he acts all scary. That’s like, what made me like this character in the first place. But the writers seem to think what women want is for a BIG STRONG MAN to protect them because they are just DELICATE WOMEN who are inferior in every way it’s like. Shut upppp thanks

[waywardsalt]

now bc of that one post abt zelda getting fridged whenever that one guy directs a zelda game im thinking abt tetra just getting turned to stone in ph and like. what would it have been like if she were an actual character in ph. what would she have done how would this have changed the story

[todayisafridaynight]

The funniest thing that could be true about Jo as a headcanon/whatever is that he is ticklish (bc this tracks with his frankly ridiculous amount of layers and it's fun when stoic assholes have vulnerability they can't control).

Who would ever know? Certainly nobody. Even w Arasawa, Masumi wouldn't have a reason to know unless he stumbled into this information by accident, and Jo... I can't even imagine his reaction. Betrayal and fear.

I'm being goosey but it made me giggle to think about and thought I'd share.

Im so sorry to inflict this statement upon everyone but every time i think of tickling i think of that one dane cook bit. About being tickled.

[lovecrazedpup]

i am going to kms

[snekdood]

all i do know is you probably shouldnt listen to people who aren't even really connected to the i/p conflict who act like the authority on all of this and as if they've Made their stance and their stance is Final and Set In Stone bc you really shouldnt listen to ppl who arent willing to change their stance when new information arrives. none of your beliefs should really be set in stone and should always be able to change based on the facts you have available.

[corpsecxnt]

frustrated screaming and crying when the ~techniques~ i literally STUDIED and TAUGHT how to use still don't fucking work for me