#but then we also have a creepy friend who wants to date a teacher and decides to blame her for not wanting to date him ??....nozomi..... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

4dtk · 2 years

Text

a/n: arguing with gojo, but it gets better dw! fluffy. not proofread. also tumblr stop fucking closing my DRAFTTTSSS bitch i wasn’t DONE

you aren’t quite sure how you’ve gotten to this point, but you know it started as something trivial, something so small that hardly had any significance in your life. alas, doubt always had to interfere.

“i don’t even see you at home, satoru! we’re dating, but we feel more like hi-bye friends.”

gojo only groans, dragging a hand down his face. he wishes relationships aren’t so difficult, he wishes love doesn’t come back to kick him in the ass every single time, but at some point, he guessed that he would’ve had some karma to repay at some point.

“why’re you asking me this after i only missed one dinner?” satoru asks and he knows he’s said the wrong thing already. even when his body weighs him down and he wants to just fucking collapse from exhaustion, he still observes how your face falls at the question.

he hangs onto the thread that you wield, keeping this somewhat relationship together, but he can feel your hand tire, he can feel your fatigue and he feels terrible. he feels terrible because never had he wanted to protect someone so badly.

it’s like the universe continually throws gojo chance after chance after his failure to protect his best friend — too heartbroken to send his body for cremation. after his close call with yuji — who in the end still had to be executed. and you? god, satoru treads so carefully that he wishes the glass would just shatter already.

but he never wanted you to hurt yourself on broken glass, at least not by his hand.

“one… dinner?” gojo winces at the loud sigh you let out, “satoru, you missed many! and sure, they aren’t special occasions, but why can’t i have one normal night with my boyfriend?”

you hated fighting, you hated confrontations, but as long as gojo was avoiding your questions and switching to instant affection, you tried to push on; even if your heart is squeezing to the point of hurting.

“where the fuck do you go every day, anyway?” there’s disdain in your tone, and gojo beats himself up that you’d settle for that scenario — not the one where maybe, he had a dangerous job that involved creepy out-of-shape beings, that he’s made a myriad of mistakes and is probably going to make many more.

how does he tell you that you aren’t one?

“you’re not seeing someone else, are y—”

“no.” he swallows, and satoru isn’t sure whether to let you know of jujutsu and everything it entails. the good and the bad, the curses and its users.

but you’re reaching your end, too, and maybe if you storm off, everything will be fine in the morning and the relationship will be back in its stagnant state until the next outburst. “then what is it, satoru?” your voice cracks, an unreadable expression upon your face and there’s tears that line your eyes.

“no. no, no and definitely no. i’m not seeing anyone else. i—” satoru gulps, cautiously walks up to you in his apartment. around him, the essence of you lies here and there, from hairbrushes to your favourite books; hell, he could spot your shoes from where he was. “i… i’m a teacher. i go to a school to teach, everyday. i just—”

you sigh again, swallowing your stubborn pride and rest your head against his chest. your heart swells when he wraps his arms around you, reminding you of how much you love his lanky body against yours.

“in our world, it just so happens that… negative energy and feelings manifests into terrible things,” satoru’s voice is soft in the night, hand stroking your back gently, “and i sort of eradicate them with jujutsu, along with different techniques that help us to exorcise these things.”

“you’re not talking out of your ass, are you?” the world is small, and you’re not against the idea of these things that may terrorise the human race — the human species is not exactly innocent, either, and gojo wasn’t one to lie when he’s being serious. he is still gojo, however. “i swear if you are—”

there’s a warmth to your back, the feeling of energy being pulled in and the undeniable tug of matter, but somehow you’re not affected. your faces are lit up by the redness of a glowing orb by your sides, and you think that there’s no way that superpowers really exist.

“this is my cursed technique; it’s where the energy repels anything and effectively blows it away.” the way gojo mentions that so casually should make you think he’s skilled in handling his own power, but you’re still paranoid to some extent.

“and you’re holding it out like that like it’s cake or something?”

satoru laughs, immediately dissolving the ball of energy upon seeing your expression, “okay, okay, i’ll dispel it.”

your head tilts up to face him, and you aren’t sure of what he’s feeling with the blindfold covering his eyes. “so what are those things called? what’s your technique?”

“they’re called curses. they form from negative emotions — which also can be considered as cursed energy, but that’s the boring stuff,” gojo waves it off like you’re not hearing this for the first time, “do you wanna hear about why i use my blindfold?” narrowing your eyes, you can only nod.

“well, my family bloodline has something called the six eyes, and it allows me to see anything and everything in extreme detail — sort of like an infrared thermometer — so most of the time—”

“you cover them?”

gojo agrees with a small ’yeah’, placing a kiss upon the crown of your head, and you try not to let it show how much it affects you, “if not, i’ll feel giddy, and wear out fast.”

tenderly, you lift up one side of the blindfold and the other hopes you’d do that more offen, “and your other techniques?”

“i didn’t even— how’d you know?” you’re so invested that you don’t realise satoru sits you down onto the couch, slumping your body into his while he cuddles you close to him.

“i mean, seeing everything like an infrared thermometer is pretty cool and stuff, but i don’t think the strongest only has that.” you tease him, making sure he knows you aren’t warming up to him too fast (but then again, he was very good at diminishing your anger).

gojo’s about to ask another question, but you speak before he can.

“and you’re not exactly quiet on the phone, you know. and you usually go off to work after that, anyway.”

the sorcerer laughs softly at your attentiveness, possibly in relief at the way you're loosening up. the night is spent with having gojo explain his technique, his students’, the structure of the jujutsu world and many other things that it doesn’t actually register in your brain — you just like looking at your boyfriend talk his head off and look good doing it, even more when he knows what he’s saying.

yawning, you interrupt his ramble (boast) about how he’s never had to get healed since he’s perfected infinity, touching the black fabric once more. only this time, you pull it down, revealing the blue irises that lay behind icy white eyelashes. it’s not you haven’t seen them before, but they’re always a product of satoru’s protected personality, like something he doesn’t want you to find out about.

and in a way, it’s true — to keep six eyes and jujutsu hidden was like putting up frosted glass against an ocean that extends to the ends of the earth. somehow there, yet, not crystal clear enough. but then the glass is gone, broken, even, and you’re staring with the naked eye into clashes of cerulean and royal and sapphire and cyan and you wonder why you never thought to find out what the sound of waves and seagulls look like.

and even if you despise the scorching, hot sun on your skin, you think satoru is like an endless bout of beaches where the wind runs through you freely and lifts your cheeks into a smile. satoru is like freedom in a shitty world such as this.

you’re just unaware that gojo sees the same in you: freedom, exhilaration, a flutter of the human heart.

“this was a stupid argument, ’m sorry,” you slur your words, sleepily gazing up at the bluest eyes you’ve seen in your life. you can’t wait to get him gifts in the colour of his eyes.

“no, no, baby, i should be the one apologising.” satoru frowns, holding your face in his hands gently. slowly, his thumbs caress the skin there and he gets an idea. it’s not mischievous; more of cheesy and sappy, but gojo finds that he doesn’t mind it one bit.

“i’m sorry,” the first one lands on your forehead. soon, the second and third, on both your eyelids. “no more secrets, i’m sorry,” the fourth and fifth are sloppy, dramatic ones on each of your cheeks and gojo laughs when you try to wipe his spit off your face. the both of you know he has one more to give, but it’s left to the end as he kisses you like a boy inexperienced. like he’s afraid to hurt you again with the mistakes of his past and the carefully constructed walls of the present. you reluctantly stop the kiss before you get pulled into the current.

“that’s terribly cheesy.”

“i’m sorry, princess,” satoru sighs against your lips, cracking his eyes open to take in your scent and beauty and he hoped you didn’t hear his heart jump, palpitate, flutter. “no more secrets, yeah?”

your sentence is cut off by another yawn, feeling the soft push of his hand to his chest. “was that apology for the argument or the sappy stuff?” gojo just rolls his eyes with a fond smile, knowing you loved the lovey-dovey stuff as much as he did. “plus, i probably am worth more apologies.”

you didn’t know the weight of your words, because gojo satoru thought you deserved everything and more that he hopefully could give you. he didn’t know what to say, but he only finds the words later when you’re peacefully sleeping in his arms, a small smile plastered on your face.

“yeah, you deserve the divinity that everyone holds true to gods. heck, you’re piece of heaven on earth,” satoru brushes the hair out of your eyes, “and i’m just a loyal worshipper.”

be honest do u think gojo’s infinity could detect whether someone has a fever or covid 19 ???

302 notes · View notes

softpine · 8 months

Note

hi brandi!! i might be wrong but i have a half memory of you writing up a text post or an ask reply that detailed everything we know about finns case/the timeline leading up to his death so far - would you be able to relink it or pin it somewhere please!! i'm trying to cross reference the dates of the journal entries to prev things finns said etc hehe

ahh i feel like i remember this too, but i can't find it for the life of me!! i'm wondering if maybe i was just talking about the wiki? because i wrote up a giant article for finn's page in the wiki (which is still unfinished i'm sorryyyyy) but i don't know if i ever posted it publicly?

either way, here's a timeline of finn's whole life so i won't spoil anything by telling you what is or isn't important :P

1963 - donald atwood, richard's father, dies. he was an abusive man, particularly to his wife, bessie.

april 19, 1970 - finn is born to richard and lucy atwood.

1973 - due to financial struggles, finn lives with his grandma bessie for a year. she would've been happy to take care of him longer, but richard finds a better job at the factory and takes him back.

1974 - the atwoods start renting the house we've seen finn grew up in. it was split into four units. the atwood family were on the bottom left floor, the porter family (chris, his wife, and their son steven) were living in the bottom right half. the two units above them were frequently cycling through tenants.

1975 - with richard and chris being neighbors and working together at the factory, they become close friends. they were both heavy drinkers before they met, but it escalates into addiction. this is also when the abuse begins. it starts as neglect rather than purposeful violence (such as finn being locked out of the house during a blizzard).

1978 - grandma bessie dies. she left finn an expensive cross necklace which he wears hidden under his shirt so it won't be stolen. due to a combination of richard's grief over losing his mother + no longer having her around to keep him in check and watch out for finn, he loses his temper more often and this is when the physical abuse begins.

1980 - finn starts formulating a plan to run away. he wants to live with his aunt & cousin (on lucy's side) in new york, and he thinks if he can just get away, his parents won't care enough to take him back. he finds a boy scout's uniform and starts going door to door selling chocolate, running errands, doing odd jobs, and stealing money when he can get away with it.

july 9, 1981 - chris hits steven for the first time. no one knows it at the time, but this is a turning point not just for steven, but also for finn. this is around the time when they make promises to each other that they're never going to drink, never going to have kids, and as soon as they leave home, they're never coming back.

october 31, 1981 - finn describes this halloween as "the last good day".

early november, 1981 - chris porter gets a better job and moves his family to the suburbs, where steven starts making friends with the other kids. he's cruel to finn at school because he wants to distance himself from the reputation they shared.

december 23, 1981 - officer tim andrews arrests richard for a few small charges like public intoxication. he's very familiar with the atwood family and has been looking for any opportunity to arrest him for a while now. finn thinks he's creepy and hates how andrews is always getting involved in his business and trying to act friendly with him. finn bails his dad out of jail with his secret money (but what he doesn't say in his journal is that he stole that money from his upstairs neighbors while they were moving out).

january 6, 1982 - finn gets into a physical altercation with steven and another classmate. in reality, the two boys jumped him while he wasn't paying attention, and he calls it "fucking bullshit" that he got suspended for fighting back. even the teacher who broke up the fight wonders if this was a "coordinated effort" between the boys, but finn still gets punished.

this is around the time when paint it black takes place.

january 29, 1982 - after a month of listening to officer andrews offer to help him, finn decides to accept and ask him for a ride to his aunts house. notably, he calls him "tim" in his journal entries, which could be to disguise his identity or because he's gotten more comfortable with him. he writes that he'll do whatever it takes, "even if tim wants money or something else" (finn genuinely thought he was a predator, in case you didn't pick up on that), but we know the only thing tim asked for in return was for finn to never tell anyone that he was the one who drove him away. he agrees. (we also know that in an alternate universe, officer tim andrews did drive finn to new york, which is how NYC griffin survived.)

february 3, 1982 - finn writes in his journal: "I'm sorry Dad, I'm sorry to God for what I did" next to a blood stain. this is the date asa was looking for, so clearly something traumatic happened here which we'll see soon. it's also the last time finn writes in his journal.

march 8 through 11, 1982 - a red or black truck is seen circling the area of l'eau state park. this is only reported much later, so eyewitness accounts are conflicting. the truck may have been painted black after the crime.

march 12, 1982 - richard and finn had planned to go on an overnight hunting trip l'eau state park, but lucy had the day off work, so she decided to come with them. she started inviting their friends and it suddenly became "the worst kind of party". if things had gone according to plan, finn would have waited until his dad was asleep, then taken his bag (with all his saved money inside) and ran to meet officer tim andrews, where he waited in his (red? black? neither? truck). but everyone was still awake and partying at this point. the last thing finn remembers is leaving his bag & money behind, and making a run for the woods.

late at night on march 12, 1982 - chris porter, who attended the party at the camp site, arrives home drunk, soaking wet, and covered in mud. he gets agitated with steven, who later says that his dad was never the same after this night.

noon on march 13, 1982 - lucy atwood wakes up to find that finn is missing. she finds his bag still in the tent, so she assumes he's gone wandering. hours later, when he still hasn't come back, she and richard find the nearest payphone. first, richard calls chris porter, hoping finn had gone to see steven, but no one answers the phone. lucy calls her sister, etta, because she knows if finn ran away, that's the first place he'd go. etta doesn't know anything about finn's escape plan and urges lucy to report him as missing immediately. however, lucy and richard decide to search for finn themselves for many hours first. they're afraid they'll lose custody of finn if anyone knew their child ran away while they were drinking and doing drugs. they hide any indication of the party. in the evening, when they haven't found any sign of finn, they finally call the police.

march 14 - 18, 1982 - search teams are sent looking for finn. he never shows up at his aunt's house. officer andrews, of course, does not tell anyone about his and finn's plans – we have no idea what he does or doesn't know about that night. he could've driven away after finn was a no-show, he could've been the one who killed him, he could've seen someone else killing him, etc. no one knows. after only a few days, searches are called off due to weather (a mix of rain and snow). richard and lucy continue to do public appeals for their son, though they're quickly becoming the most hated people in the state.

march 27, 1982 - finn's body is found by a fisherman at l'eau state park. finn's parents are informed of this while live on tv. due to the cold weather, finn's body is not badly decomposed, but he was beaten so extensively that he was unrecognizable. this was not an accident. his body almost appeared to be posed, with his legs straight but his arms spread open like a cross. this is why he was given the nickname "angel of the bay" while they awaited confirmation of his identity. additionally, the cross necklace he wore was upside down on his chest. this, in the climate of satanic panic, lead many to believe he was the victim of a satanic cult killing. a lot of evidence was either never collected or was poorly preserved or outright lost/destroyed, especially once the case started to go cold.

(we know that 90s griffin survived the attack because he jumped off a cliff and played dead – this is the advice that time-traveling asa gave him, and it worked. he was unable to move, so he remained there for days before being rescued. he doesn't know / doesn't want to remember who attacked him.)

april 1982 - the police finally start conducting interviews with anyone finn knew. the problem is, it's been weeks since finn was killed and everyone's memory has gotten fuzzy. for instance, they want to find out if any of finn's classmates were absent from school and/or visibly injured the day after his death, but no one can remember. investigators have no idea about the party, and none of richard or lucy's friends are saying anything at all. steven lies and says his dad was home all night. basically no one is telling the truth, and even if they think they are, there's a huge chance they're misremembering things. the case goes cold. lucy and richard move away.

around this time, finn "wakes up" as a ghost. it's too painful for him to stay around his parents, so instead, he follows his cousin liz around in new york. it frustrates him that he can't talk to her, so he starts acting out, throwing things, etc. liz begins hearing his voice, then seeing glimpses of him, then seeing full blown apparitions. but it wasn't just finn; she started seeing other ghosts too. it scared her so badly that she told her mom about it, who encouraged her to seek help. finn felt bad and decided to leave her alone at this point. he got lost in "the nowhere" and took a nap for like... 30 years.

2006 - tim andrews is now the sheriff. he announces that finn's case will be reopened with the hopes of using new technology to find the perpetrator. it seems promising at first, as finn's name is all over the news, but it doesn't take long for the case to stall again. so much evidence is unusable by this point.

2020 - chris porter is brought in for questioning once more. he says nothing new, but it clearly shakes him. he reaches out to his son, steven, one last time, to apologize for everything he put him through. then he drives to the nearest railroad tracks, sets his truck on fire on the road, then lays down in front of an oncoming train.

2021 - steven dies of liver failure due to alcoholism. finn was able to be there for his last moments. steven tells him he named his son (who passed away years ago) after him.

2023 - asa and elaine speak to the atwoods about finn's case.

and that's all for now! i say as if this wasn't an ENTIRE podcast script fjskdjs if you read this far, here's a cookie 🍪

#i do change these dates sometimes haha it's the nature of posting as i go #sometimes i write myself into a corner and i have to choose between staying stuck or changing a date that probably no one will notice #so i apologize for that!!#i'm sure i forgot something too lmao i wrote this entirely from memory 🤯#asks #anonymous #nonsims #brandi answers

28 notes · View notes

sdr2lovemail · 8 months

Note

I just recently rewatched the mugen train arc and fell in love with Enmu again! I forgot all about him when I saw the Hantengu clones...😳

If you write for kimetsu gakuen could I request just relationship stuff with gakuen Enmu with a really chill partner? They hardly bat an eye at all the weird stuff he does. They're also a photography teacher at kimetsu academy. Totally not like my oc 😋I hardly see writing about the kimetsu gakuen universe.

If you write this thank you so much!

Kimetsu Gakuen Enmu x (GN) Reader

Synopsis: General dating scenarios with Enmu!

Notes: Non consensual picture taking, Enmu is his own warning. Gakuen Enmu is so silly and strange. I hope we see more of him in the spinoff manga. I'm trying out a new mix of headcanons and little scenarios for some requests.

Inbox is open!

●Your first meeting was downright creepy. Despite the rocky start, you continued to talk to the man against your better judgment and warnings from friends and family.

●Enmu himself didn’t know why he was so entrapped with you. His whole life, he only cared about a few things: photography, dreams, and trains. Maybe it started as a simple curiosity that turned into infatuation.

Sitting on a bench at the station, you waited for the train. You looked up from your phone’s screen upon seeing the flash of a camera. Standing uncomfortably close was a man with an eerie smile. He was dressed formally and had square tattoos on his cheeks. He didn’t say anything, only looking between you and the camera.

“Did- Did you just take my picture?” You looked at him with a questioning gaze, leaning away as he approached.

The man giggled. “Oh no. I was taking photos of the train. You just happened to get in the way.” He was lying, not even trying to hide that he had taken another photo.

“Oh, well, I wish you would’ve asked me first.” You shrugged. This city, especially the school you worked at, was full of strange characters. One more wouldn’t be much of a difference. You’ve heard stories about a man who stalks around train stations; never did you think you’d actually meet him.

With a sigh, the man sits down on the bench. “Isn’t this station just lovely? It’s so fancy and clean. Newer train models come through here as well!” He was ignoring anything you said, opting to ramble on.

You hum, taking a moment to think about his question. “I guess I never thought about it. It is a pretty nice station.”

He lets out another airy laugh as a deep blush coats his cheeks. He felt spurred on by your laidback personality. Offering you a handshake, he introduces himself. “I’m Enmu Tamio. Say, do you take this line often?”

Accepting his handshake, you introduce yourself as well. “Yeah, this route takes me to my job. I’m a photography teacher at a nearby school.” The man next to you smirks. He’d have to come by this station more often.

Enmu leaps up with a joyous grin, stepping in front of you. “You enjoy photography as well? How wonderful!” His fingers idly fiddling with the buttons of his camera. He wanted to get to know you better. To know your likes, dislikes, what you do for fun, everything. Enmu had never felt this way about another person; he was simply excited.

“Perhaps you’d be interested in my train lovers club. We specialize in photographing the rails.” Enmu hands you his business card with a phone number on it.

Soon, a train pulls into the station, and Enmu visibly perks up. “It was wonderful talking with you; we should do it again sometime. Can you hold this for me?” He shoves something into your hands before running into the train with a wide smile. Stopping at a window, he takes the time to wave goodbye. Looking down at what he pushed into your hands, it was a leather belt.

●Once the two of you start dating, you’re the one Enmu calls when he gets arrested. His club members were thankful they weren’t the ones getting called anymore. Not that they ever answered.

The police officer guides you to a holding cell, navigating with ease. Like they had done it many times before. Once the door slides open, Enmu is already by the door and clinging to your arm.

“My love, you came in record time. Always so quick to my aid, never asking questions.” Enmu sighed as he rubbed his cheek into your sleeve.

With a bleak look, the officer hands Enmu his camera back. “Please, keep your clothes on next time. We can’t keep doing this.”

Enmu barely pays the officer any mind as he continues to fawn over you, not even looking at them as he snatches his camera. “I’ll try my best. Come, my love. I must show you the pictures I got before I was detained.”

●On the topic of the members, they often try to ask you to reel Enmu in when he’s acting out in public. Whether he’ll be trying to nap in the luggage compartment or taking his pants off, they’ll look to you for help. However, he might start taking his clothes off faster when it comes to you.

●Enmu often asks his members to take candid pictures of you; the club members attend a university near the school where you teach, so it would be easy for them to snap some photos. They decline because they’re railroad fans, not stalkers. That’s fine with him. He takes enough pictures to last a lifetime.

●Along with his photography, Enmu likes to scrapbook. Though his books are pretty barebones, he feels like too many decorations will take away from the beauty of the pictures. He has many scrapbooks dedicated to you with different types of photos. Ones from dates, ones you’re aware of, ones you’re not. Enmu just loves to flip through them.

●Enmu would love to go on photography dates with you. While trains are his passion, he’ll take you to many scenic places out of the city.

●More often than not, you’ll have to pull Enmu back to reality. He struggles with differentiating his dreams from reality; he’ll look for you to help ground him. However, there are also times when he prefers to be off in his own world, blankly staring off as he’s curled up against you or in bed.

●He will tell you about every dream he can remember, often calling you first thing in the morning so he doesn’t forget any details. When you’re unavailable for his lengthy calls, he writes his dreams down in a journal so he can tell you all about them next time you’re available.

#demon slayer x reader #enmu x reader #kny x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #kny enmu #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #demon slayer #x reader

32 notes · View notes

onlyjaeyun · 6 months

Note

Sorry if my other ask sent multiple times, tumblr was glitching and then acted like it sent like 3 times. Some more Poison headcannons, first how I see them meeting their s/o:

Jake would end up falling love with one of the girls from y/n friend group, who idk, I just know it would be one of them. The two would probably constantly argue and everyone would think they hate each other. The two would run into each other at a club one night, Jake seeing some guy making her uncomfortable, and he has to go help her, since he wouldn't want to leave any girl in a bad position. After getting her away from the guy, she's all it was a blind date but he was really mean and all, and Jake's all don't settle for less you deserve the best, and the two of them end up going out for some ramen since it's so late, and both are just like maybe you aren't that bad. The two then start coming up with reasons to hang out, not either wanting to admit they want to hang out, Jake would invite the boys then tell them all to cancel, meanwhile she's inviting the girls and telling them to all cancel. After a few months, she finally makes the first move, asking Jake if he wants to go on a date date. And before long everyone is just like we thought you hated each other, and they are just like oh what you see in the gc is just banter, I can't let you think since I'm in love with them I'm also not gonna tell them how it is.

Jay would meet someone at work, it starts awkward since you know he's all I don't wanna date my coworker I think that's illegal or something. But Jay ends up leaving that job for a better paying job, during his going away party, the two of them end up talking, and Jay finally asks them out, like damn this sexual tension is a bit too much. They go out and really hit it off, and it's just great. They work in the same industry, granted different departments, so there is no conflict of interest, and the two of them are just so in love.

Sunoo moves to live with Jungwon when Jungwon's boss has a sudden opening at their job, Jungwon immediately talks the boss into hiring Sunoo; it means he gets to move in with Jungwon until he gets his own apartment, he will get paid like twice the amount as where he was, and he immediately takes it. Sunoo's a soft boy, so he would probably fall in love with the girl that makes his daily coffee at the cafe he stops every morning. He has a bad day when she's off work, no one else can make his coffee just like her, and he doesn't want to see creepy by asking for her name or anything, so he just sorta likes her from afar. She makes his coffee so often, she has is ready for him before he even enters, knowing what time he comes in daily. It isn't until he goes with Niki one day, Niki immediately says oh is that the barista you think is hot, she's kinda fine bro; it immediately embarrasses Sunoo, he can't even look at her as she makes his coffee, and then as he's leaving he finds a note on his cup, saying 'I think you're kinda hot too, call me xxx'. And Sunoo starts his love arc with the hot barista, and honestly, takes Niki out for food since if it wasn't for him, he would have never had the guts to ask for her number.

Jungwon is a very involved parent for someone that has no children, Heeseung and Sunghoon mention anything and Jungwon is like yes, of course I'll come support my favorite nieces and nephews. He would run into this one person at an event, thinking nothing much of it, assuming she was just another parent. They kinda hit it off, but he doesn't take it seriously, after all this is a PTA event, she must be a parent with a husband and a child; it isn't until Heeseung and y/n's daughter is like 'oh that's my teacher' only then does Jungwon notice the lack of a ring on that finger. He wants to shoot his shot, but doesn't want to make things awkward for his niece. He would not see her again until Heeseung has the flu and cannot help with an event, Sunghoon immediately recruiting Jungwon to fill in for Heeseung, the event has the parents working with the teachers, and Sunghoon pulls a few cords and put some prime eligible singles together hoping they hit off, also he noticed how Jungwon stared at her like a lovesick puppy the first time they met, and honestly, y/n saw it too and bothered Sunghoon until he agreed to pair the two of them up. The two enjoy being around each other so much, once the event is over, Jungwon immediately asks her if she'd like to grab dinner with him, and she easily agrees, feeling the same as he does. Soon dinner turns into a date, and before long, that finger is no longer vacant of a ring.

Niki moves to live with Sunoo when Sunoo shares his roommate ghosts him after he gets a girlfriend, Sunoo can afford rent, but would rather had a bit of fun money and would prefer someone else instead of just the second bedroom being empty. Sunoo suggesting to Niki he could probably find a hirer paying job here and move here, which Niki quickly does. Niki would be employed at a dance studio, that's where he would meet her, she was dancing, and he was starstuck. People say time stops when you see the love of your life, and for Niki, he would have swore his heart stopped and all time did, since his breath was taken away, and he saw nothing but her. She was the owner of the studio, and despite the two of them claiming they would only have a professional relationship, both quickly abandon that, since they have more common than just their love of dance, namely their love for one another. And soon, he's not just an employee, but a co-owner, and they are opening more dance studios.

Now, now many kids I envision in futures:

Hee and y/n I see having 3 kids, their daughter and twin sons. The sons are fraternal however, one being a copy of Hee and the other one is all Park genes and looks so much like Sunghoon, people honestly think he's his.

Hoon and Ning I see having 2, their oldest will be a son, born the same time as the twins, this child is all Park as well, everyone thinks he and Hee's twin are twins, but nah. The other, I see being a girl, and Hoon is absolutely wrapped around her little finger, she can do whatever and he would allow it, Ning has to be the structure.

Jake I see two kids, the oldest is a boy and the youngest is a boy too, Jake is an all boy dad, like pray for his wife she's outnumbered. He would teach all his boys all the sports he loves, they would be so athletic, and he would make sure his boys feel loved and would raise little gentlemen.

Jay I see two children as well, the oldest is a boy, and the youngest is a girl. Jay is a girl dad, like girl dad all the way, would be that dad that does his daughter's hair and treats her like a princess. Would treat his wife and daughter to spa dates once a month, and one that day he would take his son somewhere he wants, usually something like paintball.

Sunoo I see exactly a child and approximately 5 ferrets. The child is a girl, their daughter is a carbon copy of her mom, but got the attitude of her dad. I also see the barista he falls for being an artsy girl that doesn't like normal pets like cats or dogs, she wants to get a snake but Sunoo says no, so instead they settle on ferrets and get one, but then they gotta get him a buddy and before they know it they got 5 ferrets.

Jungwon jokes that all his wives students are his children, but he and her actually end up having three children, I see Jungwon being a girl dad to the max, initially he wants a son a Jungwon jr., but instead gets 3 daughters, triplets to make it worst, after that, he and his wife and just like nope, no more kids, triplets is enough. And he would face this internal panic at how to be a girl dad, definitely asks Hee, Sunoo, and Jay for help, Hoon offers help and Jungwon is just like 'your daughter would ask to commit arson and you would ask her where, drive here there, help her pour the gasoline everywhere, and then light the match and hand it to her, I don't think I need your help'.

Niki would end up with two children, both boys, both getting his dance talent and his height. The talent runs in the family, like what can we say, his kids would also definitely tease the others kids, since they are taller than them but younger than them.

Now, some pregnancy headcannons, I've already sent Hoon and Hee, so just the others:

Jake is always clingy, like he not hanging from his wife would mean he's too physically sick to hold onto her. She would be throwing up one day and he would be like 'how crazy would it be if you were pregnant' and she's just like 'yeah crazy' but Jake can hear her tone and just looks at her, and she's all 'so maybe I ran outta birthcontrol, but i didn't think one day would be a bit deal', it was a big deal. Would constantly just lay his head on her lap and talk to her stomach, he swears it's so the babies will know their dad's voice. Would constantly follow her around incase she needs help once she starts showing. Does not let her leave the house without him, since he swears she shouldn't be bending over or reaching high, and needs him to do so.

Jay, they planned, Jay is a planner, they would have an ovulation chart, they would constantly fuck, but on ovulating days, he's calling out sick, she ain't leaving the bed, he ain't missing a chance when it's most likely to happen. He reads all the parenting books, definitely calls his parents for help, and they are just like everything will be fine, calm down. The type to baby proof the house when she's only four months along, sets the nursery up then too, claims it's because what if the baby comes early, it needs to be ready. When she starts nesting, he starts nesting as well, wants her to sit and just let him handle this.

Sunoo, they would have just adopted their fifth ferret when she had a doctors appointment. Despite being a spitfire and putting grown men in their place at the coffee shop, doctors offices give her anxiety, so Sunoo tags along with her, it would be a total surprise, the doctors running test and then looks at Sunoo all 'congratulations dad', and he's just like what, and she's all what, and the doctors like 'oh I take it you were not trying', and they are just like what, pregnant, baby. After finding out, everything makes sense, like Sunoo had good intuition, and he would bring her the foods she usually craved, and it suddenly makes sense why they made her sick now. Sunoo would be on top of everything, like you want fried chicken, don't ask he's already got it. While Sunoo would enjoy holding her stomach, until the baby starts kicking, he would be enamored by the ultra sound pics, since to him those are more real than her growing stomach, but once the babies start kicking, she will never get a moment of peace, since either the baby is kicking or Sunoo is holding her just a bit too tight.

Jungwon and his wife would try for the whole planned thing, being a teacher they think it would help her the most, but all their attempts would fail, and after a while, the two them would just think children is not in their cards. Jungwon would notice the weight gain of his wife first, but he wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. He would go as far as to replace her pants and shirts with the next size up, without her knowing, when he notices she struggles getting them on and they look a bit tight. Initially they would think something drastic is wrong, like the crazy weight gain that fast is not normal, he would not bring up the gain until she does, he would be all 'I think you've gained a little, but I don't care since you still look beautiful to me', which would cause her to cry, they would think maybe it's just the stress of teaching since it was near testing time. They would end up in the doctors office and she's all 'I'm fat, I've ballooned', and Jungwon is over there all 'babe, you aren't fat, quit saying that' and the doctor would start doing an ultrasound after the two say they aren't expecting and are afraid it might be a tumor or something, but soon the doctor is just like 'well it's common to gain quite a bit of weight, especially carrying multiples'. The two are shocked, pregnant, multiples, what; to which the doctor turns the screen and is just like 'look baby 1, baby 2, and right there, baby 3'. All the trying and teas and supplements when they were acting trying for a baby instead caused her to be super fertile, and once they stopped trying, just boom, babies. Jungwon would force her to take her maternity leave early, and would take her paternity leave early, even if the doctors say it's okay, Jungwon is like nope bedrest, belly too big to work, babies too much, you need rest. He would want her to want nothing, he would do anything and everything for her, she needs more water, he's got the brita filter, she wants soup, he's asking what kind and ordering a quart of it. He would be the definition of devoted, her back hurts, he's all here's a massage, she wants a bath, he's already running it throwing in all the best things, and ready to help her in and out of it. He would constantly be touching her stomach, practically begging the babies some nights to stop kicking since their mom needs sleep, he would also somehow manage to get a kick right to the face while his cheek is resting against her stomach. As she gets further along, he would get to the point he does not leave the house, afraid she'd go into labor the second he leaves the door, instead making the others bring things for him. He's thankful for his friends, as they set up the nursery, knowing they were stressed for one, and he's about to have three, so they do their best to help him and his wife.

Niki's wife would not find out until she's pretty far along, dancing is good exercise, so she avoided all the weight gain until about four months along. She also never got morning sickness or anything, so it was a total surprise when at her yearly checkup the doctor is all congrats, you wanna know the gender, and she's just like what, and the doctors like, you're like sixteen weeks along. Niki would think he's being pranked, all the others found out at one or two months, not four, but he'd be happy. At first, he would let her continue dancing, but around month six it hits him, she's prego and he's gonna be a dad, he would then make her stop teaching dance classes and let him take them over. The type to put a pair of headphones on the bump and play hiphop music, claims it's so the babies can get the love of dance in their hearts, and when it makes them move around more, he's just like see, we got little dancers already, it runs in the family.

Now, some more random headcannons:

Niki would start to teach dance classes at the school after the school's teacher quits, and honestly, he likes it, so he ends up doing both, being a full time dance teacher at the school, and a part time dance teacher at his wives dance studio. All the teenage girls join his class since they think he's cute, despite the fact he's much older than them, and married. The studio has record high enrollment once Niki talks some of others into putting their kids in, all the moms come to sit and watch the all the other dads, just in aw that the group of 7, like not one misses, all visuals.

Jake would volunteer to help the little league soccer team since his boys want to join it, and the coach honestly doesn't know anything about the sport. It ends in him taking the league over and being the coach, despite both of his sons being on the team, he's really big into being fair on the field, and lets all the kids have time to go. The moms that used to just dump their kids off and run errands now stay to watch the games, since the coach is pretty hot.

Jay would take his son out once a month for a dad-son day, while his wife and daughter have a mom-daughter day; this however turns into his son asking him to invite his friends, seeing how Jake, Jay, Sunghoon, and Heeseung's sons are all close in age, they are all friends, and he quickly agrees. What started as Jay and his son bonding, turns into Jay watching his son and his friends bonding, seeing himself, Jake, Heeseung, and Sunghoon in their sons.

Sunoo would take his daughter out for dad-daughter dates every month, he would then quickly encourage the others that have girls to do it as well. He would make sure that they all treat their girls so well, and he claims it's so they won't be impressed by any crusty boy that wants to buy them cheap things, but it's really because he believes their daughters deserve nothing more than to be treated like princesses. So once a month, he, Heeseung, Sunghoon, Jay, and Jungwon dress up nice, and allow their daughters to dress in their prettiest outfits, and they take them out to the most expensive restaurant they can, before take them out to do things like get their nails done and their hair done.

Jungwon would have his hands full with his three daughters, but when his wife would mention the end of her maternity leave, he would be heartbroken as what to do. He wouldn't want her to go back and he himself would not want to go back either, he would be terrified at the idea of leaving the triplets with anyone, even if his own mother offered to come watch them, he would feel uneasy. After a bit of thought, he would have this epiphany, and decide he's not gonna make his wife put her career on hold for this, instead he would put his own, immediately contacting his boss, letting him know that he won't be returning for a while. Luckily his boss is cool and tells him that he'll hold onto the job until he's ready to return, and then Jungwon would surprise his wife by letting her know that the kids won't be with strangers, she won't be putting her career on hold, that he was, and he would feel it's the least he can do for her, seeing how she carried their triplets for ten months, and the most he could do for her during that time was just rub her feet and stomach.

i read this yesterday and when i tell you my only thought ess that (if youre not still at it) PLEASE i'm BEGGING you on my KNEES go back to writing because your brain is so attractive i'm about to ask for its hand in marriage and let go of my maiden name bc of it. every single detail about this was so well thought through and as the creator of these characters i agree with every single one of them. the fact you included sun and riki too made me so 🥺🥺🥺🥺 bc they really are part of that family urgh now i wont ever stop thinking about the poison!enha boys as dads this is everything to me. thank you so, so much for the time you put into this and the fact you sent it to me is such an honor. i hope you have a great day and know how appreciated and loved you are 🥺💞💕💗🩷💘

#; mailbox 📬#; poison

11 notes · View notes

reallydumbdannyphantomaus · 1 year

Text

Switch

Spectra sucks. Dunno what else to tell you. (ao3) (masterpost)

Part 3: Chapter 1

“So,” Danny said as they approached Casper High, “today's the first day with the shrink?”

Kwan groaned, then clutched at his side as his rib ached. He’d been cleared to return to school, but was supposed to limit his activity. No gym, or stairs, and Danny was carrying his backpack for now. It was more annoying than regular school. “Don't remind me,” he said. “Let's talk about your creepy half-ghost uncle again instead.”

“Low blow, dude. Also, definitely not my uncle.”

“That's right, he's your future stepdad!”

Danny shoved lightly at him, careful to avoid his bad side. “How did you manage to go even lower?”

“It's a talent,” he said. “Besides, there is at least some good news from the whole Vlad-thing.”

“Oh yeah? What?”

“You probably aren't going to destabilize and dissolve any time soon!”

“Well, gee, thanks for reminding me of that possibility.”

“Always happy to help.”

They lapsed into silence as they crested the hill. Kwan's appointment was scheduled for immediately after school; his detentions with Lancer had been postponed on account of both the other teacher's continued hospital stay and Tyson dying. Thus, Principal Ishiyama had said he could use that time instead for his therapy.

Ugh. Therapy.

“So how long are you gonna see her for?”

“Who?”

“The shrink.”

“Right,” Kwan said. “I convinced my mom to let me have just a thirty minute appointment to start.”

“Cool,” Danny said. “I'll be waiting? At the big oak?”

Something warm bloomed in Kwan's chest. Dash would never have waited for him, even if he'd asked. Danny always waited, after detention and now with this stupid counseling. Maybe it was because they were both each other's only friends, but still. It was... nice. “Yeah,” he said, voice breaking in a way that he could only hope Danny hadn't noticed. “I'll find you after.”

Walking into first period gym with a doctor’s note, Kwan still couldn’t help but smile.

-----

“You're in a good mood,” Valerie said at their lab table, measuring out the baking soda.

Kwan startled, twinging his still-healing rib, then looked around to see who she was talking to.

“I'm talking to you, dumbass.”

“Since when?”

“I can always stop.”

Kwan raised an eyebrow. “Then why start at all?”

“Well, with... recent events—I don't know.” Valerie stared at her hands and dropped her voice. “Paulina lost it on Dash. For crying at Tyson's thing.”

“Yeah,” Kwan said with a wince. “I kinda figured.”

“Yeah, me too. But then, I started thinking... what the fuck kind of relationship do we have where that was expected?” Valerie sniffed. “She wouldn't even let me talk, y'know? I had a lot to say.”

“Val...” Kwan reached for her hand.

She jerked it back. “I'm not saying you're right or anything. Just—you knew him. And her. And you're not dating her. So.”

“So I was your best option to complain to?”

“I guess. I'm not gonna abandon her. Them.” The like you did was blessedly unspoken. “But, I don't know. Maybe—maybe I don't really blame you anymore.”

“Okay,” Kwan said. “But you can't talk to me if you want to stay her friend. You know that, right?”

“Obviously.” Valerie rolled her eyes. “But we're lab partners. We have to talk sometimes. For class.”

Kwan hid a grin. “Of course.”

“Of course.”

Valerie finished measuring out the materials and passed them to Kwan. “So,” she said, “what’s got you in a good mood?”

“Nothing!” Kwan squeaked. He could feel the heat rising to his face.

“Oh?” Valerie leaned toward him, a teasing smile dancing around her lips. “Did you finally boink Fenton?”

“Boink?”

“So you did.”

“No!” Kwan waved his hands around desperately. “We’re just friends.”

Valerie gave him a calculating stare. “Hm,” she said. “Too bad.”

“You want us to—”

“Me? I don’t care. You, however, clearly do.”

Somehow, his face got even hotter. “I don’t!”

“Kwan,” Valerie said, “you are somehow even more obvious about this than you were about your crush on Dash, and I watched you give him a massage once just because he mentioned his shoulders were a little stiff.”

“What—I didn’t—”

“Kwan. Kwan, look at me.” Valerie leaned down and made sure that she was looking Kwan in the eyes. “Did you… not know you had a crush on Dash?��

“I—” Kwan stopped himself and thought back to the way his eyes had always sought out Dash first and foremost whenever he entered a room. The way he reached for Dash’s hands and his arms whenever he could get away with it. The beating of his heart when Dash smiled.

“Fuck,” he said. “I liked Dash?”

Valerie bent over with laughter. “Congratulations!” she said, gasping for breath. “You’re officially the last to know. Well, aside from Dash.”

Kwan buried his head in his hands. “Oh my god. I had a crush on Dash.”

He felt an awkward patting on his back. “Yeah. You sure did.”

“And… you think I have one on Danny?”

“Dude. You should see your face when you look at him. Or think about him. It’s disgusting.” She fished out her phone and turned on the front facing camera, shoving it in his face. “You’re literally making it right now, look.”

The Kwan on the camera mostly looked confused at having a camera shoved in his face.

“Okay, so you look constipated now,” Valerie said. “Whatever. Just trust me. You looked soft as hell like two seconds ago.”

Kwan thought about it. He thought about long nights, staying up and trying to finish homework except they kept getting distracted by trying to one-up each other’s jokes. He thought about how Danny watched football with him even though he didn’t understand it, how he tried to play Doomed even though he sucked because it made Danny happy. He thought about Danny, saving his life from the ectopus, from the Lunch Lady, from the shapeshifting gorilla ghost.

He thought about Danny smiling. He thought about Danny laughing. He thought about the warmth in his chest whenever he saw Danny.

Well. Shit.

“There it is again!” Valerie pulled back out her phone just as Kwan buried his face back in his hands. “Dammit, are you conspiring against me getting a picture of your smitten face?”

“Valerie,” Kwan said through his hands, “I’ve got a crush on Danny.”

“Once again,” Valerie said, “congrats on being the last to know.”

“As glad as I am to see you two talking again,” Ms. Okorafor said, startling Kwan and Valerie, who had both missed her approach, “I do need you to do the lab today.”

“Right,” Kwan said.

“Yeah, sure,” Valerie said.

Like a spell had been broken, they went back to doing their lab in silence. Still, Kwan caught Valerie’s eye from across the table and she smiled, just a little.

It felt like progress.

-----

Kwan hadn’t expected to wait to see Dr. Spectra, but the student before him had still been inside when he arrived in her office. So he was stuck in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs right outside, with an odd little man with gray hair and green eyes staring him down.

Kwan shifted in his seat, then groaned as his rib ached again. Right. Keep his torso steady.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the door opened and out stepped… Dash.

Dash spotted Kwan, then turned his nose up. Dash wasn’t having doubts like Valerie, then.

Still, with Dash pointedly ignoring him, Kwan had the opportunity to study his face. He’d had most of the day to come to terms with his old crush on Dash, but now he wanted to see if those feelings were still there or not. He didn’t think they were, but he hadn’t known about them to begin with, so his judgment was clearly not the best.

But instead of renewed feelings, he found tear tracks on Dash’s cheek.

Right. Of course. Dash was here to talk about Tyson. That made sense, because the two were still friends. Unlike Kwan and Tyson, who hadn’t spoken in over a month.

Kwan bit back a sigh of frustration. Why had Mom insisted he be here, instead of letting someone else who actually needed it take this time slot? He didn’t really understand why she was so insistent that something had to be wrong.

Whatever. He was here, and he’d promised, so he’d do it. He just didn’t have to be happy about it, was all.

He stood up as Dash walked out, waved on by the odd secretary. He knocked on the door twice and a voice called out, “Come in, please!”

The room itself looked like any other office. He’d half-expected to see one of those long couches designed for lying down like he’d seen in movies, but this was a public school. They would never be able to afford that. Instead, there were two more of those uncomfortable plastic chairs right in front of Dr. Spectra’s desk, which was scrupulously clean. The walls were covered in generic motivational posters. The one right behind Dr. Spectra’s head had a picture of a young oak tree with BELEAF IN YOURSELF written on the bottom.

And, of course, Dr. Spectra herself sat at the desk in a high-backed office chair. Her hair was bright red and her eyes the same shade of green as her assistant. Maybe they were related somehow?

“Hi there,” Dr. Spectra said, gesturing for Kwan to sit down. “You’re Kwan, right?”

Kwan dropped in the chair in front of her desk, barely restraining from rolling his eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s my name.”

“Lovely to meet you, honey.” Dr. Spectra looked at him from over her glasses. “Now, why are you here today?”

“Because my mom thinks I have problems.”

“Do you?”

Kwan shrugged. “Doesn’t everyone? Mine aren’t any worse than anyone else’s though, so I don’t get the point of this.”

Dr. Spectra hummed. “Well, therapy doesn’t have to be just about feeling better. It can be about being better, too.”

“What do you—”

“I mean, I’ve heard from your classmates who’ve come to see me that you recently lost all your friends? Had a fight with them?”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“Including the poor student that passed recently?”

Kwan flinched. “I guess you could say that.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Dr. Spectra cooed. “I don’t mean anything by it. Just mentioning it because I thought you might have some… regrets.”

Regrets? Sure, he had plenty. Mostly about being a dick since the start of middle school. But he didn’t regret dumping his old friends. They deserved it, and he needed to be better.

“My friends sucked,” he said after a long moment. “I wanted to be better. They were the ones who chose not to change. That’s on them, not me.”

“Of course, of course,” Dr. Spectra said. “You’re on a journey of self-discovery! Very commendable.” Her smile stretched across her teeth.

Kwan bit his lip to keep from sighing. So far, this grief counselor wasn’t impressing him much.

“I just thought that maybe,” she said, “you felt like you could have done something to stop this tragedy from happening.”

Kwan stiffened. “Why—what makes you say that?”

“Oh, it’s very common. Survivor’s guilt. I thought you might feel like since you stopped being friends with poor Tyson, you weren’t there with him the day he died. Maybe you could’ve saved him if you were.”

“Why would I think that?!” Kwan’s fingers dug into his arms. If possible, Dr. Spectra’s smile stretched even wider.

“Oh dear, of course it isn’t true. I just thought it would be a reasonable response to a horrible situation. That’s all.”

Could Kwan have done more? He was at the mall that day, after all. He had advance warning. He’d gone along with his mom, and let her take Danny away, instead of letting Danny help. He hadn’t just not saved Tyson, he’d helped prevent the only person who could have saved Tyson. Mom hadn’t seen for herself how useless the Fentons were, but Kwan had. Kwan knew that Danny was their best chance, and Kwan had packed him away in the car anyway.

Acid burbled from his stomach into his throat. He lurched forward and vomited into the trash can at the side of Dr. Spectra’s desk. His rib burned.

A hand rubbed at his back. “That’s it, dear,” Dr. Spectra said. “You’re okay.”

Kwan coughed and spat out the remnants of bile. The taste was almost bad enough to make him barf again, so he poured some water in his mouth and swished it around before spitting it into the trash along with his vomit.

“Oh,” Dr. Spectra said. “I wish you hadn't—I mean, I feel bad for the janitor who has to clean that up.” She laughed and waved her hand as though waving that idea off. “Of course, not your fault, dearie.”

Mom was so stressed now, because he'd brought this whole thing upon them. Him, not Danny. He'd dared Danny to go into the portal and all of this had happened. Danny kept getting hurt. Mom was about to collapse under the pressure of keeping them both safe. Even now, he was making Danny wait on him while he worked on his own problems.

How selfish could he be?

No, no, he'd done nice things for Danny, too. Comforted him. Helped keep his secret. Destroyed his only other friendships.

Fuck.

“Am I—am I ruining people's lives?”

“Of course not, sweetie. What on earth makes you think that?”

“I just—I was a jerk before, and I'm trying to be better, but maybe I'm not as good as I think I am. Maybe I'm only being better because it gets me what I want.”

He did have a crush on Danny, after all. Being nice to Danny was a way to get him to like Kwan more. This whole time, he'd probably been trying to get Danny's attention. He was taking up his time because he craved it, just like he'd craved whatever Dash had been willing to give him. If he really wanted what was best for Danny, he'd try to fix his actual friendships, with Manson and Foley, not hoard him all to himself.

Dr. Spectra hummed. “Well, I suppose that's possible, but it's nothing we can't fix!”

“Really?” If this was all his fault... well, of course it was. How stupid of him to think that just dumping his friends was enough to make up for anything. Instead, here he was focusing on his own happiness and making everything worse.

“Of course. I'm here to help.”

“You said, at the beginning...”

“Yes?”

“You said this didn't have to be about feeling better.” Maybe he didn't deserve to feel better. Not yet. He thought he'd gotten better, but here he was making everything worse for everyone around him. “You said it could be about being better.”

“Of course!” Dr. Spectra's smile stretched impossibly wider. “Is that something you'd like? A self-improvement focus?”

“I—yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.” He couldn't be a problem for his mom or for Danny anymore. He needed to start being a solution. If Dr. Spectra could help...

“Excellent!” She tied off the garbage bag, but Kwan could still smell the sour stench of his vomit. “Let's get started, then, shall we?”

#dp switch #danny phantom #kwantent #spectra time baby #bug posts #she's just so fucking mean wtf #my fic #my writing

32 notes · View notes

altijd-november · 3 months

Note

so i have seen dead poets society but it's been awhile and i know you like it so tell me about it

OKAY so this will be very long so proceed with caution

the main characters are neil perry and todd anderson. neil's father is very controlling and wants neil to become a doctor and basically neil does everything he asks always. then there's todd, he's new at their school (welton) and the personification of anxiety. they have a new english teacher, mr keating. he is everything that the school is not and not only teaches them english, but also to think for themselves, to make art, poetry, to live life to the fullest.

neil and todd are roommates (AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES) and neil manages to convince todd to join his friends. they are knox overstreet, charlie dalton, stephen meeks, gerard pitts and richard cameron.

knox is a creepy straight guy with a crush on chris noel (my gf fr). chris is a very (very very) pretty girl who has a boyfriend, chet danburry. knox has dinner at the danburry's (smth to do with making connections) and meets chris, who's there with her best friend ginny danburry. anyway he goes to a party and at some point chris falls asleep and this creepy bitch decides to start stroking her forehead. he gets noticed, chet beats him up, chris wakes up yells at him to stop. she's mad at both of them.

charlie dalton is charlie dalton. unique in every way and we love him for it.

meeks and pitts are nerds and built a radio together. they dance together. even though only one of them can hear the music at a time. they are everything to me.

cameron is the most overhated character in the series. he's a kid trying to survive school and be good and i need to hug him.

neil becomes a theatre kid. todd a poet. after the show shit happens that we don't talk about.

now for headcannons. obvi todd and neil are gay for eachother. the subtext is there. (walt whitman, tchaikovsky, gay ass staring, practicing lines together...).

charlie is a bisexual disaster. god i love him too. he's on the arospec btw. i feel like he's got some funky gender stuff going on but i cannot settle for anything, but he's something for sure. he's in love with knox, who is also bi and also a disaster. idk i dont really like cannon knox and try not to think about him.

meeks and pitts are in a qpr and no one can tell me differently. meeks is aroace and makes the worst sex jokes. pitts is aspec to me. ALSO bigender meeks my beloved.

cameron collects A's (grades, gender, sexual and romantic orientation, autism and anxiety). they're very sex and romance repulsed and hate it when people say that they're the token straight (they're very closeted to me). cam is my favourite character to write angry.

chris is very bisexual and transfem. she's in love with ginny after she breaks up with chet and the stuff with knox is unrequited because i say so.

ginny is non-binary and a lesbian. they've been in love with chris for forever and had to watch her date her brother... ouch angst incoming.

i am stopping myself here to protect my sanity. questions are welcome always. if you read all this you get a cookie.

#abby #echo's dps talks #dps #dps headcanons

5 notes · View notes

everythingsinred · 9 months

Text

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 39)

I'm sorry. What lies ahead is more of a rant than anything else. It's not required reading in any case. Feel free to read if you want my take on the specific reasons why this ending is so lackluster.

We've come really far to get here, though! If you've read every part of to this, that is CRAZY. I think it's crazy someone would write so much about this, and I was the one who did it. Maybe we're both crazy.

<- Prev Next ->

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy-Eight

Time to meet Mikan! A second-year high school student living in a village near the ocean who lives with her grandpa and a strange bear. She has two friends who don’t seem to wear the uniform. Her life is simple, from the outside.

But she is a person shrouded in mystery! Even to herself! She has lost two whole years of memories due to an illness she had as a child. In her mind, she suddenly went from being in the fifth grade to entering middle school, which must have been jarring for her. All she knows is her grandpa, an ever-present bouquet whose flowers never wilt, and a teddy bear who came with a letter from a mysterious sender, whose name has been redacted. But this bear is not a normal bear! He is animate and can move and clean (and beat her up). The strangest thing is that it only moves in front of her and her Jii-chan. Mikan’s reputation in the village has been affected by this strangeness in her life. She is viewed as being an odd girl, a bit of a space case.

Mikan is the crazy girl in the village. I would have loved to see more of that...

It seems Mikan has always been a weirdo. I speculated at the start of this essay that Mikan didn't always fit in with kids in her village, and it seems that's still the case now. Where Mikan thrived was Alice Academy, where she was surrounded by fellow weirdos, where she made amazing friends and bonds that would last forever.

Despite the bear’s strangeness, she is very close to him. He’s a part of the little family she has with Jii-chan.

Mikan may be a strange girl surrounded by strange things, but she is an optimistic and cheerful girl who likes to look forward to every new day.

At the end of the school day, Mikan’s teacher warns his students about mysterious disappearances and suspicious people in town. All of the victims seem to be girls Mikan’s age, so the police warn against teen girls walking by themselves. Mikan finds this situation strange since their town is so peaceful and idyllic, and doesn’t seem like the place for a string of kidnappings. The teacher freaks out and insists on Mikan paying attention, shaking her by the shoulders and telling her to take care of herself or else he’ll have to watch over her 24/7… which is gross. Get away, Mikan!

Seeing her get harassed isn't enjoyable though. I hatE her stupid friends. Gross. Creepy. Unsettling. One of her friends is a grown man in disguise. I want to rip his head off.

Mikan leaves school crying after that ordeal and her friends just laugh it off, teasing her for being the teacher’s favorite and what bad luck that must bring. I don’t find it funny but nobody asked me! In any case, her friends write off their teacher’s concern because of Mikan’s cuteness, which she seems to love hearing.

Clubs and afterschool activities have been canceled because of the kidnappings, so we have a sense of how dangerous these events are.

Someone calls out to her on their way home--a boy who wants to talk in private. Her friends muse on how many guys confess to Mikan despite her “common” looks--and I must reiterate again how important it is to me that Mikan is not some drop-dead gorgeous model like Nobara or Hotaru are clearly made out to be. Also her friends suck. They figure her mystery might be attractive to boys, and that might be true, but I think her sweetness and bubbly energy might also play a role.

He does indeed confess to her and Mikan apologizes, citing her ignorance in the world of dating. She thanks him for liking her but turns him down. Her rejection of him is not personal at all, and thus wholly non-offensive. She doesn’t seem uncomfortable or put off by his affections, and I think that might soften the blow of her rejection a little.

Her friends scold her for turning him down, since he’s smart and in a prestigious club, and Mikan concedes that he did seem cool, but that she won’t date for anything less than love. They continue to bully her for rejecting him when love comes after dating, and Mikan sees their point, especially because she hasn’t had her first love yet, but she is sure, somehow, that she did love someone during the time she lost. As a result, whenever she talks to a boy, no matter how impressive or cool he seems, she always compares him to that feeling of love she still carries with her, for a person she doesn’t even remember.

Ah, the consistent endurance of love. The question of whether love is something that can be forgotten or whether it becomes a function as natural as breathing or digestion. For Mikan, it seems to be the latter. She remembers that she was--is still--in love with someone, and dating carries no interest to her if it can’t compare to that feeling.

The love is certainly not past tense, either, because she still feels it--an ache, a pain, a lonely feeling. She misses this person.

There's potential here but no follow through. What we get is just endless disappointment.

They stop by the ocean and Mikan relishes the moment, always happy to see the sea, as if she is watching it for someone else too. She recalls feeling that way watching the snow fall, looking at the sky, feeling happy like she was watching for somebody else, and then explicably crying, unable to stop. No matter what she does or experiences, her heart is pulled to that love.

And what do I think of all this?

It’s pretty confusing, the way it’s written. It’s no secret I fucking hate these chapters, and there’s a lot of reasons, but this scene is something I can’t relish in because it can be read a few ways and I can’t help but feel like I know which is the way Higuchi intended it.

It’s pretty clear from the blurry panels of forgotten memories that Mikan is thinking of multiple people as she stares into the ocean, thinking of Hotaru as she stares at the snow. And yet, this whole monologue of hers seems to be thinking of one person. What does this mean?

Well, primarily, I think Mikan’s amnesia mixes the love up, and I feel l want to believe that’s narratively intentional, that Mikan loves and misses many people, but can’t parse out that fact. Instead it feels like she just loved one person that much that everything reminds her of a love she can’t remember.

In my opinion, this love is varied, because she loved a lot of people in different ways: friends, family, Natsume (who has always been different). I think she is put off by romance because of her enduring romantic love for Natsume, but it’s not only Natsume that she thinks of when she sees the ocean. Mikan loved so many people and now she misses them, all the friends and teachers and classmates and family she met and lost. It would make sense then that amnesia!Mikan might look at the moon and think of Natsume, or at the stars and think of her mother. Maybe she hears a violin and misses Sumire, or cries whenever she studies because she wishes Yuu was there--all without actually remembering the person, just the love. As a result, because she knew and loved so many people, she would get reminded of that love whenever she does anything.

What puts me off about this is the rest of this arc and the unproportional emphasis on Hotaru. I already hate the choice to have Hotaru save Natsume so her fate hasn’t actually been sad to me for a few years now--just deeply annoying and pointless. I am of the opinion that Mikan entering the academy was a change for her, that she was a weird girl in her old village, who didn’t have many close friends until she met Hotaru. Then she went to the Academy and was able to make many friends with people who loved and accepted her. She finally found somewhere she belonged.

These ending chapters, thus, should have been about her enduring love for everyone, how the bonds she made at the Academy were impossible to forget. Instead, the reunion with Natsume and her entire class is condensed to one chapter--and very little of it is pleasant--with the entire final chapter being about Hotaru, as if to make the point that despite all of the love Mikan gathered and gained, Hotaru is still the person she loves the most, and by a huge margin, almost to the point where her other loved ones don't really matter at all.

AnyWAY, the kidnappers have found her and Mikan is terrified and confused. A mysterious explosion seems to save her from the kidnappers, and when she looks through the flames, she can see the silhouette of a person in the distance, a silhouette that makes her heart beat faster. She instantly becomes overwhelmed, because now it’s not just external events confusing her; she’s confounded by what’s going on inside of her head too.

On the other side of her, another man knocks the kidnappers out with his hand powers. And that makes her heart beat too. But Mikan assumes her discomfort around this new man is because he must be part of the kidnapping group.

Reminding myself that this is a ship essay and that Higuchi gave me a couple crumbs to work with... There's just not even enough to make a crouton with.

Then it turns out Shi-chan is actually Goshima in disguise and if you aren’t touched or particularly interested in this redemption, join the club! The “Goshima has been by Mikan’s side for years, protecting her” idea means absolutely nothing to me when it all happened in one condensed chapter, when he’s been seen bullying and even physically hurting her in his girl disguise, and when I never really cared about Goshima as a character to begin with. Too little, too late, too weird. I find this off-putting, actually. Whose idea was it to trust Goshima with anything after he’s been established to not be trustworthy, just for the sake of giving him a chance to “redeem himself”? For all the nonsense about Mikan having to forget everything just in case she gets targeted by enemies, they sure did take a huge risk letting Goshima anywhere near her after he knowingly caused her mom’s death.

Anyway, Mikan is overwhelmed and confused, because her close friend just turned into a man and there’s a lot of weirdos around and they’re talking about stuff she doesn’t understand--

And then she bumps into someone as she’s backing away, someone who instantly grabs her hand and pulls her closer.

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy-Nine

Her heart beats fast again, and for some reason, looking at this guy makes her think of that feeling of love she had mused on before, how she somehow knows she was in love before. Somehow, just looking at him and touching him, makes her feel like this stranger knows her, makes her feel something strange and yet unbearably familiar. She knows she’s felt this before--

The potential of this! It's almost interesting but it only lasts three seconds, so who cares?

The stranger gropes her chest.

But of course he does! This arc SUCKS! There’s so little good about it, why would the NatsuMikan reunion be any different??? I am ANGRY. I HATE this arc, not even joking. I’m not exaggerating; I genuinely hate this finale.

Anyway.

She starts freaking out--understandably--that this stranger, who made her feel feelings she was sure she wouldn’t find with any of the other guys who confessed to her, felt her up out of the blue for no fucking reason. She starts screaming for help but he seems unbothered. All of the strange men seem unbothered, actually.

Then, to make matters even worse, three new weirdos arrive. I don’t know why they thought it was a good idea to ambush her with so many strange people at once, all of whom are men, right after she’d been almost kidnapped. They talk about and at her without her knowing them and it’s uncomfortable. If you think I only dislike Natsume’s first actions with her here, you’re wrong! All of it is thoughtless and inconsiderate.

Who thought to themselves, “Y’know there’s a string of alice-related kidnappings near Mikan and she’s been warned not to walk by herself because these are predominantly male attacks on young female victims her age, so we should make sure to save her with an all-male team of suspicious characters who are sure to act strangely and frighten her”? Because whoever did is a fucking idiot.

Why am I surprised though? It’s one of the teachers for sure, and the Academy staff hasn’t impressed me much this whole manga.

They seem to know her name and talk about her like they’re familiar with her, which only freaks her out more. She lays eyes on a blond person who is supposed to be handsome and princely according to her thoughts (but I always despaired about how the finale boys look more than twice the age they’re supposed to be and are bizarrely broad).

But they all voice the same sentiment that the blond boy brings up: they have missed her and wanted to see her for a long time. They’re going to take her away.

Mikan considers this: a group of strange men appears at just the right time to save her from kidnappers, and they claim to be friends from a time she has forgotten, and now want to take her away from home.

She starts to run away, horrified, because obviously these guys are also kidnappers!

She despairs about why her life has to be so messy and mysterious, just as that gropey guy jumps in front of her to stop her from escaping. They make eye contact and the build-up here is that something drastic might happen, that she wouldn’t be off-base if she assumed he’d attack her somehow.

Instead, she is embraced by this stranger, and she’s taken aback by the sudden and uncalled-for sweetness. Until he starts screaming at her that he isn’t about to let her go. He says more cryptic stuff about searching for her endlessly, about how it felt to wake up without her, how hard he had to work to stay alive for this moment, that she shouldn’t have forgotten him.

And poor Mikan can only stand in his arms and listen, overwhelmed but undoubtedly touched somehow.

“Even if you have forgotten your memories, and the alice stone you had back then, you are mine.”

Mikan starts to cry, remembering that she had once been in love with someone, that she had turned down every guy who approached her because no matter how cool or handsome they were, they could never compare to that feeling of loving someone so much--a feeling that she only feels in this stranger’s arms.

Ahh...

Without understanding why, she hugs him back and cries in his arms, thinking about how she feels with this crazy dude she just met, her entire body overcome with electricity, with the “painful intensity of love.” Yes, love, for someone she just met. Love, for someone she’s loved for a long time, even though she’s forgotten him.

Because even though his name and face and all the memories with him have been forgotten, the love she has for him has never budged.

She cries and hugs him until her attention is drawn to his pocket, where something is flickering. He pulls it out to show her, a little pebble. He puts it in her hand and it is instantly resorbed, and WHOOSH!

She starts to cry. Because she remembers everything now! Just like that!

It’s almost as if having her lose all her memories two chapters ago didn’t actually MEAN ANYTHING! The lack of build up to this moment, the all-over-the-place quality of these chapters… it just doesn’t feel as exciting as it should.

It all just feels pointless. Or at least it does to me. Like. What was the point?

She says Natsume’s name as she cries, instant relief at being able to see someone she was sure she would never see again, someone who had maybe even died. Yet here he is, right in front of her, alive. She has recovered her memories so now when Natsume hugs her again, it’s not out of the blue and she instantly reciprocates.

Insert witty or sappy comment here.

She is then greeted with an onslaught of “What about me?” and “Do you remember me?”, which she answers in the affirmative for all.

This whole scene is pretty rushed and unsatisfying but Mikan has a happy reunion with people she loves and now remembers.

Chapter One Hundred and Eighty

I don’t relish analyzing these chapters because I hate them. There isn’t much to analyze, really, but there is a lot to critique and I don’t like being negative about Gakuen Alice, so I prefer to just ignore these chapters whenever I can. In fact, most of the time I'm able to forget these chapters enough that they don't feel like a part of canon at all to me, giving me the opportunity to consider alternate and better endings. I like very little that is offered here. These chapters just piss me off, and that sucks because I set out on this essay because I knew that the manga has so much to offer in terms of intelligent story-telling and this ending just messes it all up.

It is apparently a miracle that Mikan has managed to regain her memories, even if it’s a small portion of what she’s lost (and that feels pointless too). But Mikan is sure she didn’t cause the miracle, because she heard a voice when she resorbed the alice stone that wished she’d regain her lost memories. That girl’s voice set off a big wave of memory, apparently. So it wasn’t even the alice stone.

Apparently, even though she was surrounded by people she loves, nobody’s voice or appearance unlocked any solid memories, but Hotaru’s disembodied voice does? Now, I don’t like that at all, personally, because to me it seems antithetical to Mikan’s character and undermines the love she has for everyone else, both her romantic love for Natsume and her platonic love for her friends and family. This last chapter irritates me so much, in fact, because it seems to be making the point that Mikan doesn’t just love Hotaru the most, but that she loves her so much more than everyone else, and those kinds of revelations being shared openly in front of everyone else who loves her just rubs me the wrong way and gives me a gross feeling.

I find it hard to picture that Mikan’s love for the others couldn’t even come close. It’s stupid.

I'm so mad. Mikan, didn't Jii-chan teach you any manners? What the actual fuck would make you say something like that in front of all these people who love you? That's so annoying. This chapter is not canon to me, I'm sorry.

She even says she “always loved that person more than others” IN FRONT OF EVERYONE ELSE AROUND HER. All these people who have been missing her and waiting to see her, and she just says “I love someone else way more than y’all!” like it’s no big deal!

And that’s why I dislike the scene in 178, where Mikan talks about her overpowering love for one person. Because to Higuchi, this isn’t an amalgamation love thing, it’s focused solely on Hotaru, implying that sure, maybe Mikan is happy to see all her friends again, but the person she’s cried over and missed for all these years is just Hotaru. It sucks, man.

Mikan was a lonely person before she went to the academy. Sure, she went to chase Hotaru, but there's so many bonds and relationships she built while at that school, with teachers, with classmates, with her upperclassmen, all people who impacted her and changed her and made her better. People she cried about leaving, people she didn't want to forget. People she was willing to lock herself in a labyrinth to save, people she would have put herself in danger for.

This final chapter says those people don't matter. The only person who matters or has ever mattered is Hotaru. It makes me feel gross, because that's not the story we've been reading.

Anyway, they all fill her in and Mikan has to deal with Goshima, who murdered her mom, and we have to watch yet another moment of her blindly forgiving someone because holding grudges is bad! Then again, Mikan apparently doesn’t even remember her parents, so her forgiveness isn’t entirely informed by actual memories or feelings, just the general vibe that Goshima is nice now and shouldn’t feel bad about murder anymore.

You're a creep, Goshima! Who the hell would trust you, that doesn't even make sense! It's not "mercy", it's stupidity. Let him prove himself in some other way, not with the duty of protecting your niece, the daughter of the woman he killed. All of Shi-chan's actions are ten thousand times worse when you keep in mind that was actually a grown man.

“Everyone needs to smile!” and just get over whatever bad stuff happens, I guess. If someone wrongs you, you have to forgive them, or else you’re just being a negative nancy!

SHE EVEN ENDS UP APOLOGIZING TO HIM for not appreciating how much pain HE was in! I HATE THIS ENDING SO FUCKING MUCH.

“Let’s just forget about it!” I hate this ending.

There’s absolutely no attention paid to pain, to suffering, to abuse. There’s no respect given to characters like Natsume who underwent horrific trauma at the hands of abusive teachers, a character who might not feel as inclined to forgive as Mikan is. There’s no appropriate time spent considering these feelings. There's no care here. Instead, Higuchi’s narrative implies that bad things should be forgotten and you should in fact apologize to those who wronged you for not realizing they’re in pain!

(I actually did reference this in ATRAD, so if this seems familiar, that’s why. I put a lot of emphasis on Luna and forgiveness, and Mikan’s feeling as if she should forgive because that’s what she’s supposed to do, and what would bring happiness to everyone else. I specifically talked about it because of how much it bothered me in the manga.

“Well, Luna and I were talking about the past issues here.” Kuonji gestured between the two girls. “Now, Mikan, we all know that what Luna did was horrible. Luna knows better than anyone that it was wrong. She’s talked to me about it and I think it causes her more pain than it does you, knowing that her actions caused you pain.”

“She tried to kill me,” Mikan muttered.

“Now, imagine how she feels, knowing that?” Kuonji said gently. )

I feel no desire to talk about this boring information that gets dumped on us all of a sudden in the last chapter. What’s the point? It’s irrelevant. This is the LAST chapter of Gakuen Alice and it’s used as an information dump to justify the nonsense that’s happening, that undermines everything else. What’s there to analyze?

Whatever.

It's a combination of things. I hate Hotaru's role in this end. I hate Mikan's behavior in this chapter. I hate that nearly every page in this chapter is text heavy and loaded with new information that has no place in a finale. I hate that nothing matters. They all deserved better.

Mikan is reminded of Hotaru’s name and she has a little breakdown trying to get why that name is the only one on her heart (WHAT???), when she meets even more people--including Shiki, and she’s told that Mikan is crucial in the efforts to find this Hotaru person. Mikan is again brought to tears when she hears Hotaru’s voice wishing her a happy birthday, recorded on mushrooms that Ruka has kept all this time.

Mikan is then given a choice: to leave with these people as a quasi-Alice, to help save Hotaru, or to forget everything again and go back to her normal life.

The fact that anybody is concerned about what she’ll choose is fucking stupid.

It’s not even a choice. Obviously we know what she picks.

But her reasoning is for some reason entirely about Hotaru, and saving Hotaru, when all her other friends are standing around her hoping that this isn’t the last time they see her. THIS PISSES ME OFF.

She then meets all her other classmates all at once. Randomly. It’s rushed, it’s not heartfelt. It feels like things are being done just to finish them. The only thing of any value is the memory that Mikan wanted to see the ocean with everyone when things at the Academy become better. And it looks like things are better! So they’re all together at the beach! Yay! I don’t care.

It’s time to go on a trip to save Hotaru! Right away. Like right now. And even though Mikan is reuniting with everyone she’s loved at the Academy, the only one who actually matters is Hotaru for some reason.

I remember looking through the raws of this chapter when it first came out and the empty, stirring feeling in my stomach. The lack of interest I had in anything that was happening visually, the huge bubbles of text, the presence of way too many characters. This should go without saying but I didn't actually read any translation of this ending until years after it came out. I've probably read these final chapters 3-4 times total since they came out. They're just not important to my experience of this story at all.

Do I like Mikan chasing after Hotaru at the end just like she did in the beginning? Hmm. No. I hate it. I hate Hotaru saving Natsume for Mikan’s sake. I hate Hotaru being stuck in time-space. I hate Mikan acting the exact same as she did in the first chapter, as though she didn't grow or change at all, as if all the love she’s gained with other people doesn’t compare at all to her love for Hotaru, downplaying how much everyone else means by a lot. I hate the open-endedness. I hate that none of the reunions hold any weight and none of them make me feel anything, not even the NatsuMikan one.

ME. I don’t feel ANYTHING in these chapters but annoyance. I’m the kind of person who cries just thinking about Pengy or Natsume and Ruka’s backstory. I cry all the time. I cried watching House almost every episode. I cried watching the lamest romcoms known to man. I cry everytime I watch a true crime documentary and everytime a mom says "I'm proud of you" to her kid on TV and everytime I look too long at my cat. I cry about fucking EVERYTHING. And Higuchi didn’t make me feel fucking anything with the finale to her manga.

I’m sick and tired of these chapters. They’re not canon to me. They feel disrespectful to me and annoying and I hate them. I prefer Kageki, or even better--imagining an entirely different ending, particularly because of Mikan. Anyway.

It’s no secret, I think, that I hate the GA finale. I am not a big fan of the way Natsume’s death was resolved, or how Ruka’s arc was left hanging open, or how Hotaru got trapped in space time. I don’t like that everything that happens to Mikan in the end doesn’t even matter, that everything in the ending is pointless and results in no change, no development, no consequence.

I’ve said before that I personally can’t write unhappy endings, but I can sometimes cope with them in other people’s stories if that’s the best resolution for the characters. GA is a strange example of an ending because it wanted to have both a happy and unhappy ending, which just resulted in it being a meh ending at best (and excruciatingly irritating at worst). The ending insults all of Mikan’s non-Hotaru relationships and all the readers who liked them. The reunions are all rushed and thus none of it makes an emotional impact.

The worst part, in my opinion, is that the chapters leading up to this finale (so the last couple dozen) aren’t much better because they lend a hand to this. Character arcs are the most important part of a story’s narrative in a work like this. This manga has been incredibly well-written up to this part, particularly in regards to most of the main four having well-defined arcs. There’s three types of character arcs, I think:

Character evolution would usually refer to any kind of change, but for the sake of clarity, for this, I’ll use it as a positive change. Think of a character who has trust issues. Character evolution would mean that he eventually starts trusting in people. The story would climax with his trust in someone being tested and him choosing to trust anyway. That’s what character-based storytelling is all about, fulfilling someone’s character arc by addressing their faults and obstacles.

I’ll use the term character “devolution” to refer to a character arc where the character has a negative arc progression. Technically, this is character evolution as well, just of the negative variety, but for clarity’s sake I’ll call it devolution or deterioration. Let’s say, there’s a character who just wants to protect her younger sister. Over the course of the narrative, her actions become more and more drastic and she does increasingly atrocious things in the name of protecting her sister until she’s become something akin to a monster, maybe even the story’s villain. A well-written character arc does not have to be focused on positive change.

The last type of character arc would be… none. Some characters are called “static” which means they stay the same throughout the story. The story isn’t circled around testing them or pushing them into developing. Characters like this are more involved in challenging other characters.

I think Hotaru is more or less a static character. She becomes a little more open with her emotions, sure, but the little changes she makes are almost imperceptible on a narrative level. If you look at the individual arcs and think about Hotaru’s actions, she rarely plays an active role. She is usually a catalyst for Mikan’s actions, or a strong supportive role. It’s what her character does best because that’s just what static characters do! I don’t think there’s much wrong with characters like this, and people use “static” as a negative term way too often, but I strongly believe Hotaru would make that same sacrifice for Mikan in chapter one that she makes at the end, which makes the action less potent. Mikan’s desire to be able to sacrifice comes from being inspired by Hotaru’s sacrifice. Hotaru doing what she’s always done as the climactic action in the manga sucks out all the narrative potency from the ending when there’s two characters with unresolved arcs. Hotaru would have worked best in a strong support role here, and I think it would have been more meaningful to have Hotaru chase Mikan rather than the other way around again.

I’ve seen that referred to and praised as some kind of narrative bookend or parallel, but to me it always felt lazy, like there was no real change to Mikan or Hotaru’s characters for all of these almost two hundred chapters. It rubs me the wrong way, and maybe that’s because I’m focusing too much on character arcs and narrative, but hey! That’s what I was trained to look at in college, so I can’t change this about myself.

Exhibit B is Ruka, who I think was pushed to the side unceremoniously and whose arc was completely ignored. Yes, I did mention character devolution. It’s possible that a good arc for Ruka would look like him being faced with the opportunity to save Natsume and, despite his very best efforts, not being able to, or even making things worse inadvertently, suddenly feeling like he’s received proof after all these years that he truly is a burden. That’s a sad arc progression, but it works narratively. It would seem strange in a work like GA, which tries to be positive, but it works. But he didn’t get that. Ruka is too easily escorted from the action, from the climax, entirely sidelined. Ruka’s arc is pretty clear--what his biggest issue is and what he needs to change about himself in order to live a successful life is painted for us from the beginning. He’s not static like Hotaru, especially because his character arc is brought up multiple times in multiple arcs and he makes a little progress each time, as a way to tease a huge event on the horizon where he will be fully confronted with his burden complex. He is not given this opportunity and the spotlight is ceaselessly handed elsewhere, making his character inconsequential when it comes to Natsume’s death. A spit in the face.

The only character whose arc seems perfect to me is Natsume’s, funnily enough, but only to an extent. Natsume dying for love is perfect for him, and I believe that ending his arc any other way wouldn’t be as meaningful to his character. This has been set-up from the beginning, almost as if fate has commanded that he would die no matter what changed in his life. And that’s great because we see him change his perspective from Chapter 16, when he’s happy to kill himself, relieved that his suffering will soon be over, into his eventual death, where he can’t accept that his life is over because he doesn’t want it to be. He does everything he can to save Mikan, but ultimately when death comes for him, he doesn’t really want to go. That’s PERFECT! The thing that ruins it is Hotaru rescuing him for Mikan’s sake. Natsume’s martyr complex throughout the manga reveals to us just how little his existence means to him. He always comes dead last to himself and what he needs is other people choosing him first and making him feel like his life is significant and means something other than what he can do for others. Hotaru saving him puts his actual existence dead last. She doesn’t save him for him, but because of Mikan. Hotaru doesn’t really care about Natsume, so when she saves him, it reinforces the idea that Natsume exists for other people, that all he’s good for is what he can give. The absolute WORST part of that is that Higuchi Tachibana didn’t even think of that. There’s no evidence that this story choice wants to explore what that means for Natsume, how that choice would impact everyone involved. The carelessness and sloppiness is what bothers me here, that Natsume’s nearly perfect arc is tainted by the fumbling effort to put Hotaru in an active role that doesn’t benefit her character arc, that negatively impacts everyone else’s arcs.

And then there’s Mikan… Who I believe was done pretty dirty. Mikan had a clear character devolution. She goes from being a generally upbeat but still emotional girl, capable of sadness and anger and who doesn’t let herself get treated poorly, who generally wants to be useful, to contribute something, to be able to sacrifice things. The sacrifice part got a lot of focus throughout, and whenever she gets the chance, she throws herself at it. The best part is that Mikan doesn’t so much “make the choice” to sacrifice as she feels it’s the only thing she can do. There is no alternative to her because she doesn’t even think of it. It’s only when she’s confronted with Kazumi giving her a choice at the end: save Natsume or keep your alice, that her sacrifice feels like a personal choice rather than an instinctive action on her point. Honestly, Mikan has always been a character motivated to do good, so her arc is less about learning to do good and more about realizing that she does do good already. Additionally, she has the abandoned nullification alice arc, where Mikan feels like her alice is completely useless, like it doesn’t benefit anybody. But there is one thread that has tied to that throughout the manga, from the very first arc, and that’s Natsume. If Natsume was always meant to die, Mikan was always meant to save him. That’s clear from the start, when Narumi says “There might be someone out there in need of your alice” over a panel of Natsume. It was as much a part of implicit destiny as Natsume’s death, as the two of them falling in love. And that was specifically in terms of her silly nullification. Her nullification should have played a role here, and the fact that it didn’t annoys me. I don’t like Mikan having the stealing alice at all, we been knew. It completely dismisses the nullification alice from her storyline for no real narrative reason. Mikan having the stealing alice doesn’t really do much for her character. It acts as a plot lubricant, as a tie to her mom, but for Mikan’s existing arc--nothing.

There’s the fact, too, that Mikan saving Natsume would have communicated to him that his life means something, if only it means he lives. That he doesn’t have to give anything, as long as she can have him breathing. It would have meant so much for both of their character arcs. It would have been the pretty, perfect way to tie it all. I know there’s a lot of focus nowadays on “subversive” story telling, on setting up one story only to turn it over with some contrived plot twist for the sake of shocking the audience. “You thought this would happen, but you’re stupid for thinking so, because this is happening instead!” I think that kind of plot doesn’t act in contribution to character arcs, which is actually the only thing I care about. In a story like GA, character has been central, so it should continue to be. To me, Mikan being unable to save Natsume feels stupid and pointless, not in a “sometimes you fail” kinda way, because Mikan has already been taught that lesson. That would hit harder, maybe, if Natsume did die for real here, if he never came back. It would be sad, but it would be potent and meaningful. Instead, Natsume can be saved, just not by her. She is incapable of doing the one thing she was set up to do from the start. Instead, her role is stolen by Hotaru and the act of saving Natsume is no longer an act of love for him, but an act of love for Mikan, which is just insulting to all the characters involved.

Ultimately, how can this finale make you feel anything if the characters have been abandoned for the sake of a lazy “bookend” of Mikan chasing Hotaru once more? All the arcs were abandoned in favor of servicing a sloppy and rushed ending, where no character gets the attention they deserve. The finale just does what it can with the resolution it’s been presented with, and that’s why it sucks so bad. Three chapters isn’t enough to clean up the mess from the last twenty or so chapters, but it doesn’t even try.

I think the last chapter is the worst chapter in Gakuen Alice, hands down. But it’s only made possible by the subpar story told prior to it, specifically about Natsume’s death, which is the climax of the story. That climax is deceptive too, because you cry so much--about Natsume dying, Mikan leaving, Hotaru sacrificing herself, Ruka being left behind by everyone he knows--that you don’t even notice how bad the writing is! And all the stuff that’s making you cry is cheap character ploys to make you feel in the moment without giving you an actual conclusion. GA isn’t just open-ended because Hotaru is still missing; Mikan, Ruka, and Natsume are still missing character arc closure.

And considering how intelligent the story-telling has been up to now, it feels out of the blue and unfair to have such an awful ending.

What a disappointment.

Palate cleansing NatsuMikan to soothe your soul after you had to read all that nonsense and negativity. Sorry about all that.

Conclusion

Yeah, so like i said: a rant. Tomorrow I'll wrap up all of this with a little touch on Kageki, but there's not much to analyze there because NatsuMikan aren't focal.

I'm sorry if this was very negative. Like I'd mentioned a hundred times already, it's hard for me to be negative about GA. I don't like whining or complaining and staying butthurt about an ending that was published more than ten years ago feels unproductive. If anything, I take it as a learning moment. I use this to teach myself how vital endings are, and how not to do them. I also generally don't think of these chapters at all. I sometimes flat out forget the story ended this way until someone reminds me.

In my head, the character arcs are resolved and Hotaru never got lost to time-space because that's stupid. I have quite a few alternate endings in my head, but I prefer all of them to the one we got.

Thanks for reading, folks! Just one more time and then we can move on with our lives and go back to pretending this manga is perfect.

<- Prev Next ->

#gakuen alice #alice academy #ga #sakura mikan #mikan sakura #natsume hyuuga #hyuuga natsume #my meta #ga meta #ga meta: nm #ga meta: manga #ga meta: manga nm #let's talk about natsumikan #let's talk about natsumikan: mikan #nm: m song of the day is....#idk. lover by taylor swift or smth #tbh i dont think of these chapters with any song bc theyre not on my brain most of the time #but lover IS on our playlist... but for alternate better versions of the ending where natsume (and others) matters to mikan at all

6 notes · View notes