#but these vet bills are gonna be the death of me

[moldyorange]

this month has been really rough for me and a lot is changing in my life!! I know things will be okay but I'm at a point where things are different and scary and I'm very unsure but I have to keep telling myself the trouble is worth it. I feel like I'm going insane but I have to keep going even though I wanna give up so bad. I have to complete a challenge in order to be a certified photographer (setting up equipment and shit) and I'm nervous bc I'm slow and I don't fully understand things so idk what questions to ask!! all I ask is that u wish me luck bc I'm trying to figure it out!! my cat got attacked by an animal and lost his tail so can u pls wish him a speedy recovery!!

[ithinkabouttzu]

Easy co.’s reaction to their s/o getting injured

genre! angst; romance

warnings! cursing, anxiety, mentions of blood and death, mentions of war, and sad themes.

description! The easy co. boys reaction to you being injured. (no disrespect to any real vets.)

a/n: I made this pretty vague so you can imagine it however you like 😭 but for each persons I feel like it gets progressively longer. Anyways have fun reading!!

taglist: @executethyself35 @linhkhanhcps @1waveshortofashipwreck @grumpy-liebgott @barbeygirl @samwinchesterslostshoe @ronsparky @sweetxvanixlla (sorry i’ve been forgetting to put the taglist friends!! If you want to be on this list, let me know!! :))

(gn! reader)

Dick winters: He would be so worried. His mind wouldn’t be on anything else at the moment other than your well-being. He feels like a bad boyfriend because he wasn’t there to protect you :( He gets so nervous and would try his best to be by your side the entire time that you’re getting well.

Lewis Nixon: He freaks out when he finds out that you got hurt. He rushes to wherever you are and demands to see you. When he does finally see you he’s so gentle and soft. He holds your hand and reminds you over and over again that he will always be there for you.

Carwood Lipton: He somehow feels like it’s his fault. There was nothing he could have possibly done to prevent it, but he feels like a crappy boyfriend for it, he apologizes to you multiple times. Because he thinks he should have been there for you.

Joe Toye:He gets so mad. He’s ready to go out and hunt whoever hurt you. He will honestly go out looking for a fight. When he sees you he gets even angrier though because who could do that to you? He’s hard on himself because he thinks he should have been there to protect you.

Joe Liebgott :When he hears that you got hurt he goes out to find you immediately. He doesn’t care if he gets in trouble or not, you are his first priority. He’s definitely pissed but would never show that you, mostly at himself and the person that got you hurt. But he makes sure not to make his feelings show and tend by your side.

Bill Guarnere: He would be completely irate, but instead of going out and trying to find the fucker that hurt you he would check to make sure you were okay and stable first. “I’ll get him doll. Don’t worry” He would most likely be irritable around the guys for the rest of the day or longer because of it.

George Luz: He’s so so worried. He can’t think about anything else but you. He would hope and pray that you’re okay until he can finally see you. When he does he holds your hand to his chest and rubs your hand softly. Telling you over and over again that everything will be okay.

Bull Randleman: He gets so protective. He would find you almost immediately and wouldn’t leave you out of his sight for a second. He’s so patient and caring while you’re in such a vulnerable state. “Trust me. I’ll never let someone do that to you again, darling. I promise.”

Floyd Talbert: He freaks out immediately, the tough guy act would be completely gone when he sees you get hurt. He doesn’t care about anything at the moment other than you and your safety. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m not leaving.” He stays so close to you until you get better.

Eugene Roe: He gets there almost immediately and when he sees you he stops. He’s completely frozen for a second because he hates seeing you in such pain. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise.” He prays in his head the entire time while he fixes you up and hopes that you’ll make it through.

Skip Muck: He gets so serious when they tell him that you got hurt. He wants to know everything that happened to you. How it happened and if you would be okay, he would ask roe relentlessly until he got the answer he wanted. When you finally get better enough to see him he’s so sweet and gentle with you.

Don Malarkey : He wants to go find whoever hurt you but he also knows that he needs to be with you in the moment. He gets so so worried and the other guys would have to reassure him that you’re gonna be okay. He swears he can’t lose you. He can’t bear to do anything until he gets the “yes” that you’re okay.

Shifty Powers: When they tell him that you’ve been hurt, you were already taken away before he could see you. He would just sit by himself in silence. Not talking to anyone or engaging in conversation like he usually does. His spark would be gone until they let him know that you were gonna be alright.

Babe Heffron: His reaction would be a mixture of emotions, he would seem very angry and stressed when he finds out that you’re hurt. He feels like a horrible boyfriend because he thinks he could have protected you from being hurt. On the inside, he’s scared and terrified that you won’t make it back to him.

Frank Perconte: He needs to know where you are immediately once the guys let him know that you’ve been hurt. He feels sick to his stomach when they tell him something bad happened to you. He wish he could just take away your pain and you be happy and healthy. He wouldn’t be able to eat or sleep until he knew you were back to normal.

Ronald Speirs: He gets furious. One because he should have been there with you when it happened, and secondly because he believes that it could’ve been prevented if one of the other men were looking out for you. Until you get back from the hospital he would sink himself into paper work to pass time, waiting until he could see you again.

Chuck Grant: He doesn’t care for all of the details, he just needs to know if you’re okay or not. He honestly wishes that it was him getting hurt instead of you. He hopes that you will be okay and he really wishes that you won’t be in the hospital for too long. He would miss you too much :(

Johnny Martin: He honestly just gets pissed at the world. You’re the least deserving to get hurt and now you’re the one who is in such bad condition . He wishes he could do something to make you feel better. He feels like a bad s/o because he can’t immediately take the pain away from you.

Skinny Sisk: He would be in total shock. It never occurred to him that there was a possibility you could get hurt, his plans of you and him making it out perfectly fine vanished from his mind. If he does get the chance to see you he will promise to do anything to help you get better, and to be there for you no matter what.

David Webster : He thinks it’s a horrible joke when the guys tell him that you were hurt and now in the hospital. He’s in denial for a while. Still shocked that you got hurt when you were just talking to him moments ago. He tries to find a way to see you even if he gets in trouble.

Buck Compton: It breaks his heart when he sees you like that, fear would creep up into his mind and overwhelm him until he knew that you were going to be alright. He genuinely thought he lost you for a second and feels so much more protective over you afterwards.

If you enjoyed this, make sure to like or reblog!! Have a wonderful day friends! :))

[warrior-cats-rewritten]

Hey. Semi-Serious post here. I'm gonna be quite frank, this is about the death of a real animal. My animal.

The one I made the dedication of WCR!Into The Wild for. Because the wounds are still so raw that I can barely get through typing this very sentence without feeling choked up. So... If this post isn't for you, enjoy the first cat picture, the rest will be under the cut.

Meet Cleo.

She was my best friend. I moved into her home when I was a child, and her being there got me through the ensuing abusive situation I'd found myself in. I quickly became her favorite person. She was always there for me, and I was always there for her. I read Warriors books to her.

I met someone online that I fell in love with, and planned to have them move here. I worried about Cleo, who was now getting on in her years, but still healthy and strong.

I was granted full, effective ownership of her, since she was never really registered with a breeder. An oopsie, runt of the litter kitten of a genuine bred Maine Coon, unknown father.

Plan fell through, immigrating to Canada is difficult and the economy was about to fall apart. So I made the choice to move to the UK.

I was then informed that I could not take Cleo with me, they said she was too old, and that the plane ride would be too much for her. She was roughly 14/15 years old and, again, healthy. This next part is hard to write.

I spent every day after that, for a year, spending as much time as she wanted with me. She got every cuddle and snuggle she wanted.

I still remember that last time I ever saw her, the night I left the country. I held her like a baby, because she liked that. I remember what the back of her neck smelled like (warm chocolate). I rubbed her belly, and whispered to her that I loved her, and promised to come back again and see her. Then I placed her on her favorite spot on the back of the chair, and left.

I got regular updates from my mom about her, but something was clear. When I was on the phone, I was not to call out to her, because when I did, it made her search the whole house, meowing and calling out for me, looking for me. The dogs never did that, just Cleo.

4 months away from home, she started peeing in... Odd places. Visible places. Like... Middle of the living room and on bathroom rug.

Mind you, she used to do that in front of her litter box as a protest when it wasn't clean enough for her liking. But... Not like that.

Other than that, normal behavior.

Then, about 6 months in, she started being weird with food. Still demanded it, of course, but... Wouldn't eat it. Mind you, there were times when she really was just happy to have the wet food there... And then go off and eat her kibble as if she hadn't just acted like she would die without her wet food. Typical, right?

After a week straight, and not much kibble eaten, it... Was concerning. I offered my mom to cover the cost of any medical bills she would need, but was told to not be 'ridiculous', that she was too old. That she didn't need a vet, that nothing would help.

7 months in. July 7th, 2023. Ordinary day, kinda fun, sunny out, a relaxing day where I wasn't looking at my phone much. My partner gets a text from my mom asking if I am around. I get a call from my mom.

She hadn't eaten in days. She wasn't in her box anymore. She was barely drinking. All her chub was gone, leaving my poor girl at only 5 pounds. A fraction of her weight.

My mom was not calling me to say goodbye. Goodbye had already been said. And I wasn't there.

I asked if my mom could bury her, so at the very least I could have something to visit when I got home.

To get Cleo's body back, it would have cost 200 dollars. She would be cremated, and her ashes not given back either. Gone.

The older woman next to me later said she had never, in all her years, heard a person wail and scream the way I had. I barely remember it, or anything after that. The grief is so bad that I feel chest pains, and my throat will close, I could cry myself hoarse still, just from thinking about her.

On one hand I don't want to feel this way anymore. On the other I feel horrific guilt about that, about wanting to "move on". I hate that term, it needs something new. Moving on isn't forgetting about them, it just means it doesn't hurt as badly anymore, but... What does THAT mean?

Below is the very last picture I have of her.

I'm sorry, Cleo. I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I broke my promise. And I'm sorry I wasn't there to say goodbye.

I'll never forget you. I'll never love you any less.

It'll be hard to visit home without you in it.

If you read this post, thanks for listening. I'm really struggling with grief processing, even though it's been almost a year. 208 days as of today. She isn't the first I've lost, she won't be the last, but WCR is partially dedicated to her.

I hope you like the pictures of her, knowing how vain she was I'm sure she would enjoy me showing them off.

Bye guys.

[heartsyhawk]

As bad weeks go this is definitely one I'm having (CW: Animal death... again, grief)

When my dog Suki passed away on Sunday it was unfathomably devastating and heartbreaking. I knew it was happening and had time to prepare for it and process it but she was literally a cornerstone for just about my entire life and the loss hurt deep.

It still hurts deep. It's gonna be an ugly snarl of pain for a long time. New things keep cutting into it to make a fresh and zesty new hurt. So far today it has been things like 'I spilled raisins on the floor and had a whole panic attack scrabbling to get them up before the 4 legged vacuum who absolutely cannot have grapes realized there was something on the floor...except she did not and will never again race to "help" clean up spilled human food', 'found a can of her favorite food in a place I didn't expect it to be', 'woke up from a brief nap automatically at what used to be afternoon walk time', 'her insulin is still in my fridge' and 'was able to agree to plans without worrying about being home to do meds'.

I imagine at some point things will stop adding new knife wounds but I am not there yet. Extra definitely not there yet.

My cat Dobby was even more broken than I was at losing her. They were buddies for her whole 15 years with us and we knew it was going to be hard for him, how could it not be. But he was 20 and a half years old and even though he was in pretty nice shape for a kitty his age, his heart couldn't take the strain of grief.

Three days after Suki lost her battle with cancer, Dobby died (the vet called it broken heart syndrome) just before midnight.

I feel like I'm drowning in sticky tar. I can't believe they are both gone, so close together. They were the last two babies I had. My heart and home are empty of all but the reminders they should be here.

I can't help but worry through the unbearable agonizing loneliness that I won't be able to have another pet. My health is... complicated. I can't do a lot of the physical things I should be able to. I can't change the litter box for a cat without help due to my breathing and physical strength (and I DO NOT have reliable help anymore). I can't go on long walks with a dog anymore and I don't know if I have the stamina to train an animal. And the cost. Woo boy the cost. Pet food alone is up about 45 percent since Covid started like a lot of necessary groceries. Pet vet meds got so much more expensive too. Vet bills are always pretty steep. But I casually looked into adopting a kitten and it's gonna be 500 dollars for the pair (nobody will let you adopt a single kitten here anymore) before that animal is even chipped or spayed/neutered. I can't afford that right now and I'm not sure I will be able to any time soon. The shelters near me will do like 50 bucks for a senior cat and that's great but I would prefer to have less old age related pet issues for like a decade.

Everything is just really rotten this week. I'm sure things will get better eventually but we aren't quite there.

[limeade-l3sbian]

Dunno if it’s okay to sad rant here?

I have two cats, and while getting two wasn’t part of my initial plan, at the time when they were kittens, they were the last of their litter and separating felt wrong to me. I was also in a vastly different financial situation back then so it was not an issue at all. Even though getting two cats weren’t the plan, I can easily say they are both my most consistent boosts of happiness. I love them with all my heart. They have vastly different personalities and quirks and yet they are also both exceedingly funny and charming. Unfortunately one of the sisters have a poorer health than the other. Nothing fatal, thankfully. She simply needs foods and necessities that are more than twice as expensive as the other, to help her with this. With that it’s perfectly manageable and nothing that could endanger her.

My issues comes with my financial situation. It has changed drastically due to a lot of outside forces. And now i’m severely struggling with even just meeting the bills just for living where i am. What was previously more expensive for one cat is now an intense stress factor. I obviously can’t just stop giving her the things she needs. But I also can’t see a future with the way things are going.

So I’ve made the, to many probably, brutal decision to part ways with her. Within the next month or so Im gonna have to find her a new home, a place where I know for sure all her meets can be met without her new owner getting grey hairs over it. Obviously till then i’m still gonna live even more sparingly to meet them too for her. But I feel like such a sack of shit. I love her with all my heart and now I can’t even be her mom anymore. And she’s probably the one that’s most attached to my hip, so my heart is breaking even more both for her and myself. I fear she will have a horribly tough time adjusting to someone else and getting properly attached. She’s a lot more reserved towards strangers than her sister. I just want her to be happy. And I know in the long run I can’t fulfill that anymore, because eventually they will get old and will need much more frequent vet visits besides the yearly check up vaccine and tooth rinse. What if she develops more health issues, ones that are life or death situations? Then it won’t matter that I love her as much as I do, that won’t pay the vet bills. I stress constantly over this thought.

While I can intellectualize my decision to re-home her, I really do feel like I’m committing an immense betrayal.

First, I'm so sorry, anon. Growing up, I had to give up two different pets after we were too poor to take care of them. I know how painful it can be to become so close to a pet just to have to give them up.

But for your guilt, I think you should feel nothing close to a betrayal. The most compassionate thing you can do as an owner is realize when your situation cannot give them the life they need and make that hard decision. Does it hurt like hell? Does it feel like you are ruining their lives? Does it feel like you will never get over it? Oh god, yes. That's the worst part about a hard moment.

But ultimately, the long term of your decision will bear more fruits than keeping her and feeling shame when you cannot feed her or tend to her medical issues. You can absolutely feel sad and bad and everything in between. But just know that being able to realize what is best for something under your care is far stronger than it might feel in the moment. <3

[neganium]

Directory

Hi. I'm making this new pinned post in order to better help people find my various things, specifically in regards to donations and money.

Commissions Post- The post about commissions, which are presently open again, on a slightly hesitant basis? Please check back regularly for updates and changes. This post contains rules and details, so it's important to read up on it.

Ko-Fi- Pretty self-explanatory. Gonna link this in as many places as I reasonably can, so that it can get seen. I've been more active on there recently, tho idk how much more I can keep this up. Currently I take all commissions through the Ko-Fi commissions page now, if that is what you are looking for. I'm also adding things like wallpapers to the shop.

GoFundMe Post for Lilith's Palliative Care- Once again, pretty much what it says on the tin. Lilith, the cat who technically belonged to one of my siblings, but had been living with me in my room for over a decade due to circumstances, was diagnosed with cancer, and we need help paying for the bills leftover from her palliative treatment. Warning for mildly graphic description of animal illness and mention of animal death within the link to the fundraiser itself.

If you want to directly assist with the veterinary expenses, please donate directly to the GoFundMe. If you just generally want to help out, you can donate through Ko-Fi; Ko-Fi donations will be treated as passive income, and will most likely be used for small-term necessary expenses, such as toiletries and occasionally food, or practical needs like batteries and flashlights. I want to be more active on there, so that I may generate enough passive income to help pay off the vet stuff myself; finding the energy to do so may take a while, however.

I'll update this post with better formatting as necessary, and as things change. Keep an eye out for these changes.

[dwellordream]

thoughts on TLOU episode 4

again, the visual storytelling was really fantastic at the start of this episode. all of the devastated scenery did a lot for the worldbuilding, and some of the shots - the downed train on the bridge, and the truck veering off the road and into the forest- were incredibly beautiful.

bella ramsey continues to do a great job as Ellie. i’ve seen a lot of people comment that her Ellie seems ‘younger’ and more ‘childish’ in terms of mannerisms, but i think that’s part of it being live action. a live actor on screen can convey things better than any motion capture, no matter how advanced the technology. 

we got a lot of backstory on Tommy in this episode that we never get in the game. it’s never made clear in the game exactly when and where Joel and Tess met, for example. i always assumed Tess was already living in the Boston QZ when Joel arrived. 

Tommy being a military vet, is again, show-only information, which I think makes sense for his character, though I’d actually assumed that Joel was the one who’d been to Desert Storm.

pedro pascal I think did a good job conveying more of Joel’s bitterness in this episode, particularly towards Tommy. “I’ve gotta go get him” has been his attitude towards his brother since the very start, and he seems to try once more to distance himself from Ellie now that they seem closer to reaching their destination.

in the game, Ellie and Joel run into the Hunters in Pittsburgh, not Kansas City, so they’ve already made it much further west by car in the show than they ever did in the game. 

Joel repeating, “They’re not gonna hit you” to Ellie while they’re being shot at got me a bit choked up.

I was a bit worried the show as going to soften up a lot more of the plot and violence, but I was pleasantly surprised by the encounter with Bryan. We don’t often see characters in the situation of ‘we took down the bad guy, but didn’t kill him... should we let him live?’ and the Bryan’s frantic attempts to plead with Ellie and humanize himself by bringing up his mom and introducing himself were genuinely uncomfortable to watch. 

I also think they did a great job showing that while Ellie is hardened- and she shoots her first person here a lot sooner than she ever does in the game- she is still a kid who is not prepared to deal with matters of life and death, nor should she be exposed to the brutality of this world. 

they seem to have avoided the hunters plotline entirely- Kathleen’s group seem to be rebels who have seized control of what FEDRA used to maintain, and clearly don’t see themselves as bandits. I like the Henry connection, and I am hopeful Henry and Sam do not have the same exact fate as in the game, given that they already changed Bill and Frank’s story.

I am glad that the show kept the point that Joel did spend time as a bandit/hunter himself. him having a lot of hearing loss in one ear after years of shooting was a nice tidbit, too.

[eyeballsoup7310]

Last updated September 22nd 2024

As far as names go I don’t really care what you call me, I accidentally tricked myself into referring to myself as “Soup” but it doesn’t. matter much either way. They/it and neopeonouns are welcome. One day I’ll make a nice little doodle to stick here

I will not be directly answering asks for money. When it comes to Palestinian fundraisers, I’m gonna limit myself to only sharing ones that have been fully verified (on one of the trusted* spreadsheets/lists) or ones that have been kind of verified (shared by trusted bloggers and/or other vetted folks) that are also donation protected gofundmes. I judge based on the stuff on your account, not necessarily in the ask itself.

If you just need help with things like rent, pet bills, hospital bills, etc., I’ll immediately be deleting your ask unless we’re mutuals or I have some other reason to trust you. In general, I will reblog one of your posts, I will not make my own. I am not a notable account, I do not have the network to set you up with money, I’m sorry

*trusted lists are: Operation Olive Branch and this spreadsheet by el-shab-hussein and nabulsi

Quick guide to my godawful tagging system below the cut because I was supposed to use this for art and then just. Completely ignored that so

#my art - self explanatory

#soup uses paper - traditional/physical art

#animatic - my animatics and animations

#just talking - non-art posts by me

#eyeball rants - my rambling but with like 5% more effort than my just talking tag

#eyeball’s animatic ideas - self explanatory

#art talk - mostly just me complaining about bad art days n shit

#blorbo posting - oc posts

#other peoples stuff - reblogs with little to no addition from me

#cool art - reblogs of art that’s either not fandom related or from a fandom I’m not in

#cool pictures - photography

#cool information - posts with information I find interesting

#serious post - mostly self explanatory. Technically a mix of serious posts and important posts, I use the same tag for both

#resources / #signal boost - ways to help people. Gofundmes and organizations and stuff. At some point the difference between the resource tag and the signal boost tag fell apart so feel free to check both, I don’t know

#polls - polls with or talking about polls

#stories - self explanatory

#general - mostly non-fandom stuff. Serious posts no longer get tagged with general

#long post - self explanatory

#gif - posts that include gifs

#asks - self explanatory

These colors don’t mean anything I just like looking at them

heads up: I tag triggers in the real world (like death n stuff) with TW, but if I talk about it in regards to fiction or jokes or whatever I use either CW, warning or Mention. Like, a post about some graphic person-on-person violence will be tagged “violence tw”, whereas a drawing of characters fighting would be “violence cw” or “violence mention”. There are a few exceptions (any sexual violence, suicide, or self harm, regardless of if it’s about a fictional character or not, will be tagged with tw) but generally the main ones like death, violence, etc are tagged with this system

The current body horror tag is #body horror warning but I think I used to use #body horror tw so if you’re gonna go back through my blog you might wanna filter that too. Bug stuff is tagged with either “#bugs” or “#bug warning”. There’s no real system there but eh. Also I’m including spiders in this tag.

Uhh I don’t generally reblog anything sexual in nature other than jokes, but if you wanna filter those out anyways, I think I use “#sex mention”. I also tag “#nonsexual nudity” when applicable.

If you have trypophobia or a fear of things being beneath your skin, you might just wanna block the Jane prentiss tag altogether I’m sorry I’m really bad at tagging stuff for her

I also stopped tagging just roll with it: blood in the bayou spoilers at some point, sorry yall

Most of my tagging system is just to make it easier for me to find stuff on my blog, which is why it can get inconsistent at times. ATM my featured tags is maxed out so I might have to shuffle things around later but for now, I think that’s it.

[skaluli]

hello have some kitty pics gonna life update below the cut but if you dont wanna read, please just enjoy the kitty pictures.

i guess i kinda just wanna log some stuff thats going on right now since a lot has been happening in the span of short notice. mostly logging for myself.

construction is happening at my nanas house which has been messing her up a lot. she no longer understands the house layout and doesnt know where her bedroom or the bathroom is anymore. dementia is a bitch.

mum and dad put these ""signs"" up but she cant understand them. i know you may wonder "how in the doesnt she understand a word and an arrow??" give her a break lmao.

anyway another thing. freddie escaped jesus christ that was horrible. me and my brother ended up walking up and down multiple blocks just trying to find him. looking under cars and in trees ... looking over the high fences into neighbours backyards with torches in the middle of the night (dont tell them).

we ended up finding him alive and not run over. and he WAS in a neighbours backyard so HA. (technically he was hiding in their shed scared out of his fucking mind. still in the neighbours backyard though so it counts. office you cant arrest me for snooping, it was for the greater good.)

i realise this is going on too long im gonna speed it up

he had a cut on his chin so without thinking my brother used dettol on him to try and clean it up. dont ask his thought process, he was tired, and only looked it up after he already did it. i tried telling him that there would be a cat version of that stuff and not to use it but he's losing it so you live and learn.

ANYWAY so fuck freddie gets thrown to the fishes (the vet), the capitalism bill is 2000 and my brother doesnt have the funds. i transfer my money to him. (out of my savings, dont tell future me) freddie makes it back home and we now have to watch him like a hawk in case anything bad happens so we then can race his ass back to the vet so he doesnt die.

had to hold him down and got clawed as my brother tried flushing out his mouth and then again when giving him the meds. (i dont blame him. i would fucking freak out too. most sane reaction.) (also dont worry freddie forgave us and purred like a motor which was great except when we were trying to listen to his heart beat and only heard a car going off.)

the cats are going with my brother to victoria when freddie is no longer on death watch.

dads sick as a dog and can barely leave his bed.

we ate left out cold pizza.

mario.

[obaewankenope]

are you ever gonna thank donors?? seriously its endless e-begging no working with YOU. when are you getting an actual job? to pay your bills??

I do try and thank people for helping me survive. I haven't in the past week or so because I've been very distracted by injury, meds issues, health problems, and the disruptiveness of living with a dysfunctional parent whom I essentially have to manage.

I would love to get a job and work but I have chronic health problems and, oddly enough, there's no employer willing to hire anyone in my town who would miss large amounts of work because of this. On top of that, I essentially look after my mother 24/7 because she needs a minder since she's dysfunctional to the max. I also don't drive because, again, mobility issues.

So, whilst I understand, anon, that you may be one of the people who has generously donated to help me manage unexpected bills, the cost of vet fees and cremation costs that weren't covered by the insurance because it didn't cover anything in the event of death, and car troubles (to name a few), I'm also aware that you may just as likely be a troll.

If you are someone who donated, here is me thanking you for doing so and telling you that I greatly appreciate you doing so because it helped me immensely.

If you are a troll, you need to find something more productive to do in life than bothering people for your own gratification.

Now, thankfully, I'm not horribly affected by anon messages of hate or nastiness or the like. Thankfully.

But, and this is the most important thing right now, you can't actually make me feel worse about having to beg for donations so I can survive. I already dispise that I have to do so, many times more than I ever thought I would, and I already hate that finding employment for me is an impossibility because I cannot work to the pattern required for steady employment.

You don't achieve much by sending this ask, anon, except to remind me to thank people more often for their kindness. But if you expect me to be on my hands and knees, screeching out my thanks when I'm dealing with being injured, grief from the unfair death of a puppy, financial difficulties from void insurance, and motor related problems, then you're a bit out of luck.

Because I have a finite amount of attention span and focus, and a lot of it is stolen by physical and mental health problems exhausting me. What remains is then taken up by my mother, the animals we have (most of whom I look after even though they are hers) and whatever else remains like cleaning (if and where possible).

I apologise that I don't remember to thank people as often as I should. I apologise that I see a notification, think "I'll thank them in a moment!" and then forget because something else takes priority like eating or feeding animals that depend on me.

I don't apologise, however, for being alive and I refuse to apologise for needing help to survive. Because I won't be made to hate myself any more than I do regularly because I have to ask for assistance.

If I didn't have health problems, if I didn't have a mother who relies on me to be her functionality and time keeper, perhaps I wouldn't need help from strangers on the Internet. Perhaps I would be able to work a steady job and be able-bodied and function in an ableist world that penalises otherness and disability.

But I don't.

I'm disabled.

I'm the primary caregiver to my mother who isnexperiencing more and more memory problems every day.

I'm the only child of hers that lives full-time with her and sees her deterioration that I try not to panic about because panicking won't help.

I am trying to survive and sometimes I don't have the focus, time, or energy, to thank everyone who helps me to do so as often as I wish, or you think I should. I can only apologise for that. I won't apologise for prioritising trying to survive however.

If you're a troll, enjoy this response. I'm sure you'll mock it.

If you're not a troll, but someone who donated to help me and feels like I haven't shown you enough gratitude for doing so, I hope this response conveys that I do appreciate it. I'm just trying to survive and, unfortunately, that's meant I haven't expressed that gratitude as much.

In conclusion, have a roaching Lady who has never roached with us before. She's at least happy and feels safe, which is something at least. I hope you consider this an expression of my gratitude for your generosity if you have donated to help me (and my mother and animals) survive.

[kierancampire]

I'm stressing a bit about finances haha. And please, please for the love of god, on the extreme off chance anyone reads or responds to this. Please don't say "Everyone is struggling with this right now". I am sick to fucking death of people saying this every time i mention financial fears, it's why i never do, happens literally every fucking time. Just feels like it instantly invalidates me while doing less than nothing to fucking help

So the wet food I've been buying the girls is around £80 for 24 days of food, yeah, kinda steep, meaning 1 purchase doesn't even last a full month, but it's the only food they've consistently eaten, plus it is a good quality food and healthy for them, i feel bad giving them bad food, they straight up won't eat it anyway. That's without how much i spend on their dry food. So all my monthly direct debits come to around £83.97 for now, my internet discount runs out soon so i gotta find another deal or it over doubles. The thing is, with that i haven't included my utiity bills, so my gas when the radiators isn't on is around £10, no issue, but my electricity bill has kinda been fluctuating/steadily rising from £50-£90, and they've said the prices are further rising still. I didn't include it cause i dunno how much i need to pay to cover my utility bills now, £55 used to do it, i may need to be putting on £100 now, so that could be pretty much £185 in total already. But then there's also food. I think this is where I'm gonna have to start cutting corners, get store brand and less treats, cause I'm spending an ungodly amount on food. But when i gave myself a budget of £350 a month, which i dunno if i spend that or not, i can't afford my food, 2 purchases of the girls food, and my drastic increase in utility bills, that's without any other variables/extras that can change throughout the month. Like, literally spending more than I'm getting. I literally have half as much in my bank right now than i did at the end of January, one month cleared out half my balance

I think starting tomorrow, at least for the whole of March, I'm gonna buy only necessities and make a start on those cut corners, I'll turn my radiators off, see what my electricity bill is like, then just see what everything looks like in April. I have been keeping a log of my finances for a few months now, since PiP got taken from me, but it's hard to really base it on those records as i didn't have the girls then, plus i wasn't making the best financial decisions, then obviously February i had the vets and the bed. I just can't keep eating in to what little i built up, in a few months there'll be nothing, and this time there's no foyer, I'd be completely fucked, i won't survive losing the girls and homelessness a third time, i think that'd finally push me over the edge

I need to look at it as i need to manage it and see what i can do to do so, but it's so fucking bleak actually sitting there and counting up all the numbers, especially to reach that end conclusion of, unless i make changes, i literally am spending more than i get right now. It wouldn't be so bad if there was even a guaranteed £5 or £10 at the end of each month, but I'm going at least £50 over. That's a lot to cut considering everything is pretty much necessities/forced to pay, like a £90 electricity bill

[vvatchword]

in which ungrateful bird dictates only acceptable foods

I swear to god this bird is more autistic than i am. Every time Indy's preferred pellets change formula, shape, size, or color, he has to learn to eat it again. And so far Zupreem has been altering that shit every goddamn bag. Last time the pellets were just a little bit paler than usual, and this time the banana-shaped pieces are bigger than usual. He just won't touch any of it. It's driving me crazy.

(In before "fruit pellets are trash" commentary. Mah boi won't touch it. He will starve himself to death. This works and it's better than no pellets and also i got a clean bill of health from his vet, who mentioned that his nutrition is up to snuff, and also I bring the issue up to her on every visit, so bye)

He has decided he will no longer touch safflower seeds, millet, pecans, nutriberries of any type, or toasted almonds. Regular almonds are in. He will also only touch small oat groats. I discovered this when I bought a 2-lb bag of oat groats only for him to be like: these are a fraction larger......... inedible

He is still completely okay with strange creamy white liquids, including if they touch pasta (have determined this is because it looks like baby bird food). Mayonnaise is in and he will attack me for butter. I cannot feed him either. It is a terrible idea. Well. Mayo is basically just eggs, it could be worse. He wants to eat dairy all the time. He will kill for sour cream for reasons only he understands. He is an idiot.

At the moment he will only eat bananas, sunflower seeds (which he refused to eat for two months for some reason), boiled green beans, apples, tomatoes, oranges, carrots, bell peppers, dried fruits, and my nerves.

I might have to use my emergency container of baby bird food--which I've kept around in case of extreme illness--just to get him some extra variety. He can't eat just fruits. He's gonna get diabeetus.

My son you are giving me a complex

[friggity-frack]

I'm gonna tell you all now, what I'm going to be talking about in this post may be triggering to some, in regards to death.

In case you guys didn't know (and most of you shouldn't, I've never talked about this here), I have a dog. Her name is Jazzy, and she's the sweetest thing you've ever seen, an absolute angel.

My family and I have had her since I was a toddler, and she's supposed to turn 14 this year, so she's done really well. But unfortunately, all things must come to an end.

About a year ago, she got a strange lump on her leg. My sister and I have brought it up to my mother several times, but she decided that so long as she wasn't in pain or anything we would leave her be. Over the course of the year it's gotten bigger, but hasn't stopped her from living life to the fullest.

But she has been getting a bit worse. It was barely noticeable, but she was getting more and more tired. It was normal, we told ourselves, she's just getting old.

Last week, her hind legs weakened considerably in a short amount of time. She can't climb the steps anymore, she can't run, and she's just plain miserable. Even standing is a struggle.

My mother made a very difficult decision, and it's one I'm barely coming to terms with, days after she announced it originally.

Jazzy will be getting put down, at the end of next week. It's a very difficult time, and part of me blames myself for letting this happen, for not pushing when we first saw signs. But, now more than ever, I have to leave emotions out of it and remind myself of the facts.

We would never be able to afford the vet bills, no matter how early on we caught anything. Even the euthanization will be $200. We can't afford to get all these surgeries and treatments for an old dog who only has a glimmer of hope getting through this, medical help or not. This will put her suffering to an end, and she'll be in a better place, somewhere she deserves to be.

You all are such amazing people, and I hope you live long, prosperous, healthy lives. I'm losing the strength to carry on myself, but there are people here who need me. I have to stay, for them. The same applies for you. You have loved ones who need you to be alive, with them. People who are willing to listen if you speak. People who don't care if you're kooky, spooky, or just plain weird.

So keep living. If not for yourself, for them.

[serpnt1ne]

i found out this morning that my kitten has feline leukemia i feel like a horrible mother we can barely afford our cost of living as it is and now she will need frequent vet visits and we cannot afford it. It’s unlikely she will live past the age of 3 and there’s no cure whatsoever i cant do this anymore i literally just watched my childhood dog die in my arms less than a month ago i want everything to stop i want evething to stop

[lizamango]

Please You’re Scaring me (Billy Russo x Reader

x Frank Castle)

A/N: here’s the Part 2 everyone was asking for and by everyone I mean two people, I purposely made the x Frank Castle smaller haha

It can be read as standalone!

Summary: Billy comes back and he’s not as nice.

Warnings: gun, cursing, gaslighting(?)

Wordcount: 1377

Part 1

masterlist

add yourself to my taglist!

billy taglist: @glowingluminescence​ @theflamecrystal​

light frank so I’ll tag frank tags: @obliterad​ @merleisapartygod​ @aninymoustip213 (idk why this isn’t working I’m sorry)

all marvel: @whoreforbuckybarness @badlandsbrunette​ @brucewaynelover21

You tried not to worry about whether Frank has found Billy yet. Whether one or both are dead because you know Billy wouldn’t go down without a fight. You never thought you’d accept the idea of his death so easily… but you never thought he would be the cause of Frank’s family dying in one fell swoop. You went to see Curtis after one of his meetings just to say hi, just to get out of the house. The Billy that broke into your house days ago would never hurt you but you don’t know if he remembers now.

“It’s good to see you,” Curtis smiles.

“I know it’s been a while…”

He waves you off. “I understand.”

The vets at the meeting were busy getting coffee and biscuits. “Billy came to see me.”

Curt just nodded, as if he already knew. “Frank told me.”

“You’re in contact with Frank?” You look up in surprise.

“He came to see me after I was concerned about a few vets… heard Billy’s name so I told him what I heard.”

“So he hasn’t found Billy yet?” You didn’t know why you felt relief. You know you shouldn’t. “I know what he did. I know what he became, it’s why I left him. It’s why I told Frank he was here…” you trail off.

“But you still feel bad,” Curtis finishes. “It’s okay to, you know. You loved him. You were gonna get married.”

You laugh bitterly at the memory. The tan line on your ring finger is long gone and the ring is probably in the ashes of Anvil’s headquarters after you threw it back at Billy and he bombed the place. “Do you think it’s why he did it?” You couldn’t say it without prompting. Out of the blue as if it was okay to speak about it.

“What’s why?”

“Do you think… me,” you take a shake breath. “Me loving Frank was why… he let it happen?”

“No,” Curtis shook his head adamantly. “No, you don’t think about that okay? Don’t do that to yourself. This is all Billy. He got greedy, okay? He got, I don’t know, insecure. This isn’t on you and it will never be on you.”

“Okay, well we were all a family before that so I don’t know what else could flip that switch.”

He puts his hands on your shoulder to get you to look up at him. “Sometimes people… just… wake up one day and decide to do something. It’s not on anyone else, okay. You have to believe that.”

You just nod your head and sniff. “I should get going, I just wanted to pop in and see how you were doing…”

“I can walk you home?” Curt offers.

“No, it’s okay. I can… I need to clear my head, I can walk. I want to,” you say with finality though you appreciate the thought.

“Okay,” he accepts that he could never change your mind. “Get home safe. Text me that you do, alright?”

You smile and give him a farewell hug.

You leave the building and the sun is set. You wrap your coat around yourself and walk. It’s not long till your house that you feel the presence of someone following you. Billy and Frank taught you basic self defence so you run scenarios through your head. You subtly reach for your phone in your purse but you feel an arm grab yours. You jab that elbow into the person which they didn’t seem ready for but before you could run they hold you close and you feel the jab of cold metal on your back.

“Just walk, Y/N,” his voice is different now. It’s sure and cold.

“Billy…” you whisper.

“Just keep walking, honey.” You do as he says

“Where did you get the gun, Bill?”

“Not important.”

You approach your street and he lets you fish out your keys to unlock the door.

“I just need to know something,” he says as he drags you into the living room causing you to land on the couch. You get a good look at him now to see that he’s wearing a mask. 

“What do you want to know?” You say in a small voice.

“Who did this to me.” It wasn’t a question.

“I don’t know,” you reply.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Billy, please you’re scaring me.”

“I’m scaring you? I’m scaring you?” He asks incredulously. He rips his mask off to reveal his scarred face. “Well, shit if I’m scaring you then how do you think people on the street feel? How do little kids feel when they look up and SEE THIS? Wh-what this face isn’t good enough for you anymore? This isn’t the face you loved?” He lashes out at you, waving the gun around. He wasn’t anywhere near this erratic the last time he was here.

“I didn’t love you for your face, you know that,” you try to divert his attention, calm him down. “Billy… you have a gun. That’s what’s scaring me right now.”

Billy looks at the gun as if he forgot he had it. “Oh, this? You think I’d hurt you?”

Your heart pounds in your chest as he stalks closer to you.

“You THINK I’D HURT YOU?” He repeats, shouting.

Tears start to well up in your eyes. “Please, Billy.”

He kneels on the ground and takes the cartridge out, letting the bullets fall only to pick up one and spin it.

“I wouldn’t hurt you, Y/N,” he says in a softer voice though he makes it sound more menacing. “Who did this to me?”

“I don’t know, Billy.”

He shakes his head and brings the gun up to his temple. “Are you sure?”

“Please…”

“Why would I want to keep living like this? Maybe I should just-“ he pulls the trigger and you yelp.

“Billy, I don’t know,” you say shakily.

He leans over you, pushing you back with just his presence until you’re lying down.

“I can’t go to prison, Y/N. They told me that I killed people. I’m not gonna be stuck in some cage. Tell me who did this?” You feel him press his forehead onto yours and you start to gasp as you cry.

“Billy…” you hear him pull the trigger once more for it to be another blank. You can’t catch your breath as he gets off of you and you curl yourself into a ball, tucking your head into your arms, shaking with tears.

He slumps to the ground, defeated. “There weren’t any bullets in the gun Y/N.” He speaks but you can’t listen. Can’t hear him over your pounding heart. “I didn’t come here to hurt you, I’d never do that. I just… can’t live like this.” Billy stays for a moment, just watching you. “I love you.” He gets up, tucking the gun into his belt. He goes to stroke your hair but you jump at his touch. You just hear him sigh and leave.

You don’t know how long you stayed like that, curled up and tense. You don’t know when you ran out of tears. You heard your phone buzz in your purse a few times but you couldn’t bring yourself to get up. A knock on your door grabs your attention.

“Y/N?” It’s Frank’s voice and you sigh in relief. “Can you open the door?”

No, you think.

“Please open the door, are you okay?

No.

“I’ll kick it in, sweetheart. You know I will.”

Then do it already.

You hear the thud of his foot coming into contact with the door. “Fuck did you have to get such a big door,” he mumbles. He gives it two more kicks and it comes loose. “Y/N?” He calls out. “Shit,” you hear him curse as he rushes over to you. “What happened?” You feel him pull you up and into his arms.

“He’s wants to know who did that to his face,” you whisper. “But I didn’t tell him anything, I promise.”

Frank looks down at the bullets on the floor and frowns. “Did he hurt you?”

You shake your head which is buried in his chest.

“Good.” He kisses the top of your head. “You’re gonna be okay."

💖

Soooo it’s labelled Billy x reader buttt it’s not like... romantic at all 😅

I literally wrote this during a break between classes hope it’s okay!

Inspired by a scene in the most recent Euphoria episode, 2x6 but no spoiler if you haven’t watched it!

Thank you and please interact it’s super encouraging! <3

Part 3

[hounddogtracks]

(( I hate making posts like this but my ferret is hospitalized overnight and while I can foot the bill its gonna make things a little tight. Obviously there's people who need it more than me, I have a job and while my savings are drained due to a recent move to a new house, I'm not out on my ass.

If anyone wants to check out my etsy store or is looking for a commission or custom stickers or an original painting or something of the sort, I'm def available for that

https://www.etsy.com/shop/ratshien

Edit: I saw in the tags someone ask if it's OK to reblog, and it is! Thank you. I appreciate you doing so. Again. There's lots of people worse off than me. The low end of the bill is 1040, and the high end is 1700. I'll definitely be fine in the long run/be able to recover, I'm more devastated over the possibility of arthur not making it, as it IS an if right now according to the vet. I have a lot of friends who mean a lot to me that have already helped out a bit, and the interest rate at the vets isn't too high. So anything that can be done is really appreciated, but no one feel pressured. The money isn't life or death. The vets are already doing everything they can to help arthur and i gave them the full go ahead.