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am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months

Note

WIBTA For Snitching On My Brother?

tl;dr at the end, the submissions a bit long. sorry if this sounds like stupid teen drama, but i needed outside opinions. (tw for mentions of attempted suicide)

so for a bit of context here, me (14nb) and my brother (14m) both have Parental RestrictionsTM on our phones. In my opinion they are way more severe than they need to be. i am not allowed to have any social media at all, my mother barely tolerates discord. I cannot text anyone who is not my direct sibling or parent from 9pm at night to noon the next day and i cant use any "nonessential" apps during that time frame too. my brother has the same restrictions on his phone, but he has safari removed because my mother said he was playing "random internet games". however, he has found ways around this and ways around the app restrictions. i know how he does it. i really dont have any intention of telling our mother, its none of my business and i honestly dont care that much.

I recently moved to a new school. My brother and i were homeschooled prior to this during covid. And it was fine. We went to a homeschool co-op twice a week. A year ago we were both enrolled in Local Community College as dual enrollment students. A semester into that i was Not Vibing Well and ended up having a breakdown and getting a therapist. I would talk to her directly about this but i havent been able to see her in weeks due to scheduling conflicts. The workload seemed too much to me, there was no longer a distinction between School and Home. i felt like i was constantly on the clock, and i barely saw my friends. In addition to other factors at my co-op, I got very lonely. At that time the limits on my phone were 9pm-3pm (it was later edited to 9am to noon) . I cant remember exactly what happened, but i asked my mother to at least change the communication limits so that i could talk to my friends during the day. She said no, stating that I Do Not Need to Communicate With Friends During The School Day. i do not have a real “school day” i am at home basically 5/7 days of the week. And normal kids see their friends every day at school. The argument got dropped then.

Fast forward half a year, i felt increasingly lonely, out of place, bothersome, etc, at my co-op and have decided to try going to Local Public Highschool. This meant leaving my best friend (14f) whom i love dearly (for the purposes of this post i will call her Z). Z is one of my favorite people in the whole world, we got platonically married, I lovingly refer to her as “my wife”, and i would genuinely die for her. She got a phone over the summer which means we have a better way to communicate, replacing discord as the primary communication system. Also at that time one of my best online friends fucked up their discord account somehow and the whole online group moved to text. there's about four of them? J, Other J, B, and L (ages vary from 12-16). I believe only B is directly relevant to this story but the others are worth mentioning. Additional context (tw for mentions of suicide from now on), all of those four are varyingly suicidal. B has attempted before, at least twice I believe. out of the group i am probably the most mentally stable.

School starts! I am already feeling a bit lonely due to leaving Z but we stay positive. I wake up for school at like 530 and check my phone at like 6:45. Woohoo a message from B! It was sent at 4 am. This is concerning. There is a glitch that i can use in order to view texts for between half a second and four seconds, it depends, and i use it. B’s message reads “Bye”. theres no fucking reason that they would be texting me goodbye at 4am in the morning unless they were going to kill themselves. I cannot properly view or respond to that text until noon, so eight hours. I wait to know if my friend is ok for eight hours, and at noon i check my phone again. In that time i’ve received messages from the groupchat. J, Other J, and L all received “bye” texts from B at around the same time period. After a few messages, we know B is ok, i dmed them privately and they responded both in ims and the gc. So they are ok. But i had to wait for eight hours to know that. Later that day i asked my mom if she had considered my proposal (i asked her a day or two before if she would at least turn off communication limits because it is also rather embarrassing to be honest to have to tell other people that oh i cant respond to your message right now, sorry my mom has limits on my phone :D. In addition i get anxious when i send a message that im nervous abt and it doesnt get responded to for hours so i hate leaving messages for longer than two hours). Once again, she said no. it goes against her Views As A Parent for me to have “unrestricted access” to my phone. She offered to add only Z to the list of people i can contact during the limits. This is better than nothing but Z texts more in the groupchat than she does in private messages so it wouldn’t work that well. We argued, it didnt work out, i got pissed off and we both went to bed. i very strongly feel that for like my mental health i need to be able to communicate with my friends better than i can at the moment. And i dont want to wake up to a message from a friend, have it be the last one they ever send, and not be able to respond for hours.

Heres where the part where i could be an asshole comes in. (so sorry that that was really long i didnt know what parts would be needed as context and what were not so i just typed everything i think might be relevant). This isnt something that i am very strongly considering, as i truly dont want to fuck up my relationship with my brother and i love him a lot. I just want opinions on whether it would like be going too far i guess. I am considering offering a trade. I tell my mother how my brother has found ways around his limits, and she turns off the communication limits on my phone. WIBTA if i did that?

TL;DR: would i be the asshole if i snitched on how my brother got around some restrictions in exchange for me being able to communicate with my friends?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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angelst4re · 10 months

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hi sweetie! i have been dying for a teacher x student type of story trope with jamie ;) with some smut if your comfortable <3

i dont think i've ever written for teacher!jamie before so i could not just let this request sit in my inbox for another 4 months... i also combined it with a jealous jamie smut request but i'm thinking of making a part 2 to this which has more jealous jamie... which i may even be writing right now!!! <3

Sugar- Teacher!Jamie x Reader

♡ warnings: NSFW!!! contains smut!!! please don't read if you're not comfortable love! NEITHER AGES ARE SPECIFIED BUT READER IS 18+ <3 it’s only ever mentioned that theres a 15 year age gap

♡ notes: i attempted to keep this as gender neutral as possible but reader is afab! also i kinda rushed this because i just needed to post something!! but there's going to be a part 2 I PROMISE!!!

“...Oh, and don’t forget, y/l/n, we have a one to one scheduled for 3:30 to discuss your exam results. I’ll be in my office.” Mr Bower, who insisted you call him Jamie, reminded you with a smile as you left the classroom.

“I haven’t forgotten, sir.” You say as you turn back around to smile at him, and give him a little wave before you leave the room.

You had two hours to spare before your meeting with the music teacher, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t spend the majority of the time in the bathroom making sure you looked perfect. You had been waiting for a moment like this, a moment alone with the teacher that has plagued your mind since the beginning of the school year. You and your friends, and most likely the entire class, had been captivated by not only his looks but his personality. Having learnt that he had recently become single after a three year long relationship, you felt like you stood a chance, but then you were quickly reminded of the 15 year age gap.

However, his behaviour around you didn’t go unnoticed. You’d catch him eyeing you up when you would come in wearing a new outfit that evidently boosted your confidence, or you would catch him looking over at you whilst you were in the middle of a written exam, and he would quickly divert his eyes when they met yours.

Despite the clear indication he may be into you the way you’re into him, you both had a very positive, friendly relationship. He would give you the best tips and advice, and be more than willing to help you progress in the ways you wished to, as he would with anybody in the class, but there was one particular encounter that you couldn’t stop thinking about.

You and your boyfriend, Andy, had a fight the night before and you had missed your class in the morning. Jamie got in contact with you to ask about the absence, and you felt comfortable enough to explain the situation to him. He told you that even if you didn’t attend your classes that day, to at least come in to talk about how you’re feeling. He assured you that although he didn’t qualify as a therapist, it would be good to talk to someone. And so you did.

You came in with unbrushed hair, wearing yesterday's clothes and threw yourself onto the chair in his office as you broke down in tears. You don’t remember much of that day, besides the pet names he would casually drop into his sentences.

Sweetheart, love, darling.

He definitely knew how to charm.

You also had a memory of staining his white shirt with tears as he let you cry into his chest, telling him how your boyfriend was a dick. How he was caught in bed with a random girl (to which there was proof) but he tried to convince you it never happened.

You remember Jamie telling you something along the lines of, “every failed relationship should be thought of as a blessing. It might be upsetting to see it come to an end, but it means you’re still yet to find the one out there who’s for you, and it's giving the chance to find them. The one that will treat you right, even on their bad days. You’ll never know where this person may be, but they’re definitely out there.”

It was apparent through a quick google search that Jamie was definitely experienced when it came to relationships, so you knew to trust him on this one.

You kept checking the time on your phone, waiting and waiting and waiting for it to hit 3:25 so you could begin walking towards Jamie’s office, but the time seemed to pass so slow.

It was only 3pm.

You sighed, placing your phone back down on the table you were sat at in the library. All your friends had gone home as you finish early on a Wednesday, yet you agreed to meet Jamie today as it was the only afternoon he had free this week.

Only seconds after placing your phone down on the table, the screen lights up as it begins to ring, the noise causing everyone to turn around, some even sending dirty looks your way as you pick up your bag and leave, answering the phone as you begin to walk towards the building where Jamie’s office was.

“What do you want, Andy?” You sighed, holding the phone up to your ear.

“I miss you,” he said, a feeble attempt to guilt trip you, “I was just looking at some old pictures and-”

“It was your idea for us to take a break in the first place. I’m not just going to drop everything and come running back to you because you ‘miss me’.”

“I’m sorry, okay. I realised what I did was wrong and…”

You stopped listening to what Andy was saying as Jamie passed you in the hallway, sensing your distressed state he stopped quickly to mouth an ‘is everything okay?’, to which you nodded your head.

“I don’t care, okay. Whatever you have to say I’m sure I’ve heard it all before. When I’m ready to talk to you I will, until then just please give me some space.” You say before ending the call, and you jump as you realise Jamie was waiting by your side.

You were blocking the door to his office.

“I’m so sorry!” You apologise, stepping to the side.

“Don’t apologise!” Jamie gasped, as if you had offended him, before opening the door for you, “we can start early if that’s okay with you, I have nothing else planned this afternoon.”

Nodding your head, you entered his office.

“So he’s still giving you grief- Andy?”

“How did you guess?” You scoff as you sit down on the chair opposite his desk.

“I don’t know how a someone like you can stay with someone like him-”

“We’re on a break, actually.” You interrupted. “Although he seems to care about me more now than he did in the 8 months we were together.”

“You need to leave him for good, sweetheart.” He told you, as he rummaged through the cabinet beside his desk, pulling out your exam papers and setting them in front of you. “So, let’s begin!”

Only twenty minutes into the session, your phone began to ring again, and you apologised to Jamie, getting ready to leave the room to take the call before realising it was Andy again. Jamie didn't look best impressed as you ran a hand through your hair stressfully.

“Give me your phone.” Jamie sighed.

“No, it’s okay, really. I’ll just switch it off-”

“Y/n. Phone.”

The sternness in his voice sent chills through your body, yet a warmth grew in your lower stomach.

By the time you handed your phone over to him, Andy had stopped calling. Hopefully, he had given up, but you knew he would keep going until he got his way, like always.

“You know, sweetheart, the look on your face when you saw it was him calling you told me everything.” Jamie said, leaning back in his chair.

“What do you mean?” You scoffed.

“You know what I mean, darling. Please stop trying to convince yourself he’s a good guy, not when he treats you like shit and expects you to drop everything for him. You deserve better.”

“And how do you know that? Sure, me and Andy might have our moments, but when he can be nice… he’s somebody completely different. Deep down, he’s a really good guy, Jamie.” You explain, feeling tears of frustration begin to gloss your eyes.

“I’m not buying it, love.” He said, shaking his head in disbelief.

And that was all it took to push you over the edge, shoving your phone into your bag as you pushed your exam papers towards him and stood up.

“That’s it, I’m not taking this anymore.” You frown, turning around to leave.

“There we go, that’s what you should say next time Andy’s on the phone-”

“Oh, Jamie, won’t you just shut up!” You shout, throwing your arms in the air. “What is your fucking problem today?”

“Well, technically your ‘boyfriend’ isn’t my problem, so…”

“Why do you care so much?” You finally say after a moment's silence, your hands placed on the back of the chair you were previously sitting on.

“You’re my student. It’s my job to care.” He answers, simply.

“But there’s more to it than that. Isn’t there?” You swallow, bracing yourself for his reply, “c’mon Jamie, I’m not stupid.”

“What are you trying to imply, darling?” He chuckles, standing up from his chair and making his way towards you, “are you talking about the way I catch you staring at me in class when everyone else is working, or how about when I hear you gossiping with your friends about my love life, or about how you could tell I had used a different aftershave one day…”

The smirk on his face was devilish, but you had no time to process that with your recent revelation.

“You’re jealous.” You stated, turning to look up at him. “You’re jealous of Andy.”

“Darling, I have no need to be jealous of him. Not when I know you’re leaving him.”

“You don’t know whether I’m-”

You never got to finish that sentence as you were met with his lips on yours. His hand came up to cup your cheek, his thumb wiping away a tear which had fallen in your moment of frustration. As he pulled back from the kiss, he pressed his forehead against yours before whispering,

“What if I prove you- show to you why you should leave him, hm?” He asked, although it wasn’t much of a question as he could tell by the way you were looking at him what the answer was going to be. “I need words, baby.”

“Yes.” You managed to say, after catching your breath.

A smile spread across Jamie’s lips briefly before you pulled him back in, missing the feeling of his soft lips against yours. With one hand on your waist, holding you against him, the other was placed on your cheek again, whilst your arms wrapped around his neck. You had dreamt and fantasised about this moment for months, but you never expected it to ever happen. It was always more of a scenario to help you fall asleep rather than something that would actually come true.

“Does he fuck you good, hm? The way you want?” He asks, breathlessly, as he lifts you up onto his desk, shoving everything out of the way.

You shake your head, using the slight space between you to reach for his belt, but he seemed to have other plans.

“Has he ever gone down on you?” He asked bluntly, his fingers dipping into the waistband of your shorts, easing them down your legs along with your underwear.

You once again shake your head, you have only received head once, and that was during a drunk fling at your friends birthday party- and even then you didn’t get to finish.

Jamie simply chuckled, as if to say he wasn’t surprised.

“Poor thing,” he frowns, lowering himself to his knees in front of you as he holds your legs open for him, placing kisses on your inner thighs, trailing down to your knees before going back up again, stopping where you needed him the most. “You ever cum when he fucks you?”

And as if on command, you shook your head again.

“Only when I’m alone.” You confess.

“Oh yeah, and who do you think about whilst you touch yourself?” He teases, his thumb gently stroking your clit as you fight the urge to close your legs. He looks up at you, stopping all movement as he waits on your answer.

“You, I think about you, Jamie.” You whine.

“Oh, honey, I know.” He says before you feel his lips on your skin, his tongue circling your clit as his fingers move a little lower, finding your opening and teasing circles around it before gently pushing one in.

His fingers were a favourite in your fantasies, thinking about what they could do, and he certainly did not disappoint.

A second finger followed the first and they began curling inside you, searching for a spot Jamie was sure your ex would never have been able to find, and when you let out a choked moan he smirked against you, knowing he’d found it.

Hif fingers rubbed against this spot inside you as his tongue licked, sucked and nibbled on the sensitive nub, and you were frighteningly close to the edge. You had never reached your high so quickly before, but as his hot breath fanned over your clit you tumbled off the edge, your orgasm washing over you. Your release began to drip down his hand as he continued at the pace he started, and your legs shook as you panted, your fingers pulling at his hair.

“Jesus,” you whispered breathlessly.

“Just me, darling.” He smirked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before coming back up to place a kiss on your forehead.

You couldn’t believe the timing as there was a knock at the door to Jamie’s office. The two of you both froze for a moment, before Jamie handed you your clothes and rushed to the door.

“Mr Bower, I know you usually go home early today but Margaret told me you were here so I was just wondering if I could-”

“I’m in a meeting right now, Sasha, can you wait just two minutes?” He put on his best grin as he his behind the slightly open door to disguise his hard on.

“Oh, of course! Sorry to interrupt!” The girl apologised before Jamie shut the door.

“Sorry, sweetheart, we have to cut it short today. But you’re sure to be back in here later this week, or should I say let's reschedule?” He tried to hide his smirk when your legs wobbled as you got off his desk.

“I’m available all week, unless I decide to see Andy-”

“Honey, if I have to hear about him once more-”

“You’ll get all heated and fuck me senseless over your desk?” You grinned, feeling slightly giddy after the mind blowing orgasm he had given you, “why on earth would I want that?”

#jamie campbell bower x reader #jamie campbell bower smut #jamie bower x reader #jamie bower smut #jcb

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theworldofkirby · 6 months

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i adore you, noble haltmann… (president haltmann x reader fanfic)

A/N: hai guys i wrote a haltmann/rader fic as a kind of sequel to the dedede dating simulator bc i dont feel like coding another game to make a haltmann dating sim so take this haltmann x reader fic instead

ok so like u are in dream land right??? well :) it was taken over by capitalizm!!!!1 omg

you, (y/n) the SEXIEST freak in planet plopstar is almost crushed by one of those leg things on the haltmann works company star dream thingy ok? yea so you dodge that and like… there's a window or somethin and a guy falls out of there

you watch as he falls. he falls for like 10 minutes. but then he lands on the ground next to you and you hear a crumch.

"ow" the male says

"omg!!!!! are u ok" u ask the masculine man

"i think i broke my pelvurouscula" he says

"omg no……" u say and hold him gently. u have magic healing powers so u heal him

"gasp" he gasped. "i don't feel like dead anymore"

he gets up and u cant help but admire he. his beautiful egg shaped bod and wicked pinstripe suit. and his luscious hair and mustache.

"newayz my name is haltmann. max profitt haltmann" he said with not a trace of happy

"haltmann….. my name is (y/n)" u smile

"ok" he says. "i have to go home. bye"

he goes into his headquarters but u follow him. u keep talking to him "um so wat are u doing? i almost died" u frowned

"oh no" haltmann says. "did i accidentally park my plant on u"

"ya" u nod

"im so frickign sorry" haltmann starts crying. "i'm such trash i cant commit capitalizm without almost killing peopel"

u frown at the egg's sadness. "dont cry haltmann…" u say comfortationally

"no it's not okay i'm shaking and crying rn. i might throw up" haltmann starts crying

haltmann cries and opens his office door and runs in and throws himself onto his bed dramatically like a sad disney princess. u enter his office and hear some haunting lyrics…

"I pull away to face the pain

I close my eyes and drift away

Over the fear that I will never find

A way to heal my soul

And I will wander 'til the end of time

Torn away from you

My heart is broken

Sweet sleep, my dark angel

Deliver us from sorrow's hold

Or from my hard heart"

u turn off haltman's ipod. "Haltmann" u say

"no my music" haltmann sobbed

"haltmann." u say again but more like… asssertively

"ouuu" haltmann screams into his pillow. "first i break my airpods and now my music is dead"

"HALTMANN" u grab him and sit him up

"what" haltmann sniffs

"whats wrong" u ask

"u see (y/n) i lost someone in da past… i forget who that was tho… but like someone died ok? and now im sad" haltmann explaines

"halmann" u look into his deep blue orbs. "i…"

"yes (y/n)?" haltmann blinks his beautiful sapphire saucers at u

"i…" u blush "i…"

"..." haltmann …ed

"i think u need to seek therapy" u gently stroke his bangs

"omg… ur right" haltmann tears up. he gives u a hug. "thank u (y/n)"

"ur welcome" u smile

"im so tired of depression. i will defeat this evil inside me. thank u (y/n)"

u get on his computer and start googling local therapists in dream land. "here's one," u say. "call them and see if they're accepting new patients"

haltmann gets his sexy cellphone out and calls the therapist. "hi mr. therapist, my name is max profitt haltmann and my friend (y/n) says i need therapy"

"ya we can take u in" says the therapit. "we will have u do an intake next month ok"

"n. next month." haltmann starts to tear up

u look at haltmann ernestly. "better late than never, haltmann… ur patience will be rewarded"

haltmann sighs haltmannly. "ok. we will do next month"

haltmann finishes scheduling his therapy appointment. u look at him with a pleased look on ur face. "that was kinda sexxy of u haltmann, working towards self care like that" u smirk and wink

haltmann blushes "haha yea i guess that is pretty sexy. um, not that i'm trying to be cool or anything" he stutters

"hey u can call urself sexy and cool all u want," u laugh. "ur epic even"

"(y/n)..." haltmann blushes. he leans in and gives u a kiss. his cute little mustache hairs tickle ur upper lip.

"teehee" u giggle. "ur mustache is so cute"

"thank u" haltmann says. "star dream says its ugly"

2 MONTHS LATER

haltmann knocks on ur door. u open it

"hi (y/n) my sweet honey bunches of oats" haltmann wraps his hands around u and dips u for a kiss

"h-haltmann" u blush "where did this come from"

"so u see, i followed thru with therapy like u suggested. little did i kno this would change my life" haltmann says. "going to therapy made me realize that i wasn't treating myself with respect, and if i want to feel respected by others, i need to develop respect for myself. without respect for myself, i won't be able to recognize gneuine respect from my friends and employees. and i cant live being so cynical anymore. i need to love myself, (y/n). i need to be my own bestie becuz who will be there for me when everyone is gone? i need to be there for myself"

u look at haltmann like this:

"haltmann… u… u mean…"

"yea. i love myself, (y/n), and its thanks to u…" haltmann kisses u again. "sory i didnt talk to you for the past 2 months btw i was depressed amd busy with therapy lol"

"its ok haltmann i love u no matter what" u stroke his egg head

"yea" haltmann nods. "um btw i like need some new music to listen to bc my therapist says i shuld stop listening to such depressing music if it makes me wallow in sadness more"

"say no more" u say as u smirk and take out of ur bookshelf a CDs of Hannah Montana 3 and the High School Musical Sountrack

u and haltmann spend the night picking out the best disney channel songs to boost his self confidence. soon enough its morning. "omg its morning" haltmann gasps

"it was nice spending the night with u haltmann" u blushed "we should do it again someday"

"no, (y/n)" haltmann gives u an onion ring "we will do it again today. marry me"

"ok" u blush

u and haltmann have a beautiful wedding with the stupidest most extravagant dress and cake bcuz hes rich. ur live happy ever after the end

#kirby #kirby series #kirby fanfic #kirby fic #president haltmann #max profitt haltmann #haltmann #y/n #fanfic #other art

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wolfiewuvs · 2 months

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VENT WARNING ( swearing )

Ok this is a small vent, not sfw considering im about to swear in this because im so angry :3 so my apologies.

Venting about Chronic Illness and the Mental health support system they offer ( dont offer ) in Hospitals.

Ahem

so this past month has sucked so bad. Ive had flare ups, constant nausea, being sick at my stomach, etc. Calls with doctors are annoying, I hate doing it, even if its online idc i hate it, i hate i have to actually do that shit. I hate having to schedule appointments for shit i dont want to do, having to go into the hospital AGAIN HAHA, while I live with my sister who doesnt have to go through ANYTHING LIKE THIS. im so jealous i hate her for it. I love her but im so fucking mad that she got all the good genes. Its not fucking fair, its never fucking fair. It makes me feel like shit, absoulte shit. Not to mention she gets compliments whenever we go out, when i go out with her, and no one EVER FUCKING says shit to me. That really hurts, ontop of being self concilus of my body, health, and the overall mind crushing fear no one will ever fucking love me. My looks, my health, i have nothing to fucking offer. It hurts, it really hurts. Aside from that horrific reality, i wanna rant about mental health. When I had a huge thing happen to me in the hospital at age 12, no one offered me shit. No one helped me mentally, no one reached out and told me to ask for help. So ofc i was like yeah okay guess this is how it is, and that was the worst thing i could have ever of done for my mental state. Im in shambles, I cant reach out for help now even at 22, idk how, idk who to go to. I dont want to look weak and vulnerable cus like “hey shes been doing this since she was 12” i was a fucking kid, i was a child man. Thats so fucking unfair. Dont call me a trooper, dont praise me for doing the bare fucjing minimum, it feels so condescending and hurtful. So pitiful. I dont want their stupid fucking pity, yet now somehow i depend on it, i need it and fucjing crave it at the same time. Its pathetic. Im a horrible person, I hate myself and I hate my body, I hate doctors, I hate that they dont force you to get help, i hate that no one helped me.

I guess what i wanna say to anyone, if anyone reads this, if you need help, even if you dont feel like you do, YOU DO, AND YOU WILL. reach out and get some help, talk to someone, get a therapist. please reach out and get help. This is so exhausting. I hate showing vulnerabilty esp when it comes to my mental health, idk why im so ashamed of it. It doesnt make sense.

Reach out, get help, heal.

#chronic illness #chonic pain #mental health #mental illness #actually mentally ill #mentally fucked #vent post #personal #vent #hospital #doctors suck #mentally exhausted #mentally tired #chronically ill #chonic illness #chronic pain

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mousemilf · 1 year

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no i know im always saying this but it really is funny. how to get therapy you have to first acknowledge you need it, and the that acknowledgment must stay present long enough for you to look online, fill out forms, wait for responses, talk to your insurance, schedule appointments, go to them, and then maybe you dont like that therapist and you have to start the whole process again????? that seems like a billion times more commitment and self-awareness than should be fair to expect from a person who supposedly needs professional help. legitimately when i look at all of this this way i kind of wish someone had carted me off to a rehab facility at one of the few points in my life when that would have been warranted i feel like it wouldve kickstarted this process for me. it is literally worse than jobhunting.

#ic

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beesmygod · 4 months

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do you mind talking about what made effexor so bad for you? also where can I read about this streamer fake death lol

all the stuff on thedarkid is on SA in the sagas thread lol. i would prefer not to post a link bc the quality of new posters is at an all time low on that website and i dont want to contribute to the problem.

AS FOR EFFEXOR: i am prefacing this with the fact that this is my personal experience as a result of my body chemistry. effexor might work for some people with different body chemistry. my suggestion would be to try everything else first before resorting to this one and to be ready to feel really, really bad when discontinuing it.

i got off effexor because the negatives of taking it finally outweighed the positives and the problem i had been taking it for was no longer relevant. this will make me sound ridiculous so keep in mind i took crazy meds for this exact problem, but after we bought and moved into the house, i started having nightly panic attacks and weeping fits over both the decadence of my new non-renter lifestyle (which was materially going to impact the quality of my work and how i viewed reality) and the fact that i had taken a really big step toward commitment without having resolved the source of my deep social anxiety. i could realize how i was behaving and reacting was not normal and until i could get a therapist to address it, i was going to have to put a bandaid on it.

effexor flattened my emotions and my affect lol. this is really, really good for when you cannot reach a baseline of normality. this became bad when that flatness turned into apathy and started sliding into my day to day life. doing basic household chores became a daily struggle. then i started not making my deadlines on time because i completely lost the will to draw, which actively began to terrify me. and then once i started struggling to bathe and brush my teeth i was like "okay. something is really really wrong". so then i started the process of getting off.

that's the broad overview. i did not realize the extent of the damage it was causing me until i started getting it out of my system:

my sleep schedule was destroyed bc it gave me terrible insomnia.

night sweats. NIGHT SWEATS.

theres been a rash on my face for over a year that ive thrown EVERYTHING at to try to get rid of, thinking it was anything from lupus to a yeast infection. it turns out its just caused by the pill. it goes away when theres less in my system o_o

my lip was also split for a year. my gums were covered in sores. and the inside of my nose felt like someone put a weed whacker in there and sliced it up. huge scabs. constantly in tiny flecks of pain. miserable but not unbearable, you know?

pussy felt like sandpaper.

i didnt even notice this until later but it also made me fail to derive pleasure from the touch of another person. but like i wanted to. if someone held me or squeezed my hand it felt almost painful. shit made no sense but you just think "this isnt how its supposed to feel? whats wrong with me?". but like that's over. it stopped. it feels good again.

food tasted bad. and i dont mean no flavor i mean BAD. i say this a lot but i cannot understate how fucked it made my palate. its normal again thank god. i have a bag of coffee that tastes different depending on when the last time i took a pill was. i spent the last year complaining about how bad processed food tastes now like all companies decided to make their product bad instead of something being wrong with me specifically. but when adam's cooking started to taste bad i was like "wait. what? thats not possible". lol thanks honey for helping me realize....

this one is really weird: it would cause specific parts of my body to feel stiff. the worst and most chronic part was the small of my lower back, which felt pulled taught so tight it was uncomfortable. then it spread to the fingers of my right hand, causing me to have to stop every few minutes and scrunch my fingers to try to alleviate it. this symptom only returns after i take a dose now. it makes me thrash like a fish trying to get comfortable at night

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tfemjoseph · 1 month

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hi, you do not have to answer this if i am overstepping !! i am just curious

recently ive seen you and ciel have been working on yourselves, so i just want to ask, is the conabusive aspect of your relationship the same as it was ? or has it changed ? i remember there was a post from your account translobotomized where you were talking about all the bad things ciel has done to you, and i was just wondering if its the same or different ? thank you ^^

it has changed quite a bit, now that i think about it.. hope you dont mind me rambling here about it </3

our dynamic has been drastically less intense than it was in 2022-2023, and by that, i mean a lot less "risky." i do still personally enjoy the riskier stuff, but due to us both trying to better ourselves, that aspect of our relationship has fizzled out a lot. maybe it'll come back in the future when we're both healthier so that it can be done safely, but for now, the more intense stuff is extremely rare. I'd say that the most intense thing we've still got going is our.. pact. but even that may have to go due to our pupfriend, we still have to talk about that whole thing with him

threats aren't too common anymore either. they will rarely happen unless the situation explicitly calls for it (ex. if the alters in front are into that kind of thing or if a particular alter will not stop hurting another alter unless threatened into stopping), so that's generally been a lot better

we also fight a whole lot less, which wasn't exactly part of the conabuse and more caused by both of us being mentally ill and receiving little to no help, but it is really nice. the reason for this is mainly that we have both started learning what kinds of things trigger each others' bpd, and avoiding triggers helps us avoid splitting on each other. of course, splits still happen due to outside triggers, but we always work through it. ciel's also gotten so much better with apologizing to me when he's done something wrong which i am so insanely proud of him for because that is something he struggled with a lot and still does, but hes getting better. im still working on being more patient when it comes to him being difficult, but i think ive gotten better since ~late 2023

i am also going to be going into therapy again pretty soon, i just need to find the time to make an appointment and then set up a schedule, but we're looking forward to that because it will help me a lot with anger management and emotional outbursts, and if i learn how to help myself regarding those issues, i can also try to extend that help to ciel due to us both having those issues. taking out our anger on each other was a big part of our conabuse dynamic, and it works decently well, but we both end up feeling guilty afterwards even if the other is forgiving, so hopefully having a therapist involved to help me out will give me a way to help us both find new outlets

overall, i think things have improved quite a lot. ive made my own progress, but i also have the privilege of receiving therapy, and he doesnt, so i am especially proud of how much progress he has made since i first met him back in 2022. the fact that he is still making progress despite all of the rocky patches and setbacks is so insanely admirable to me, and i think hes doing amazing. hes grown so much, and im so so grateful that ive gotten to be by his side to watch him improve over these past two years and even more grateful that i will get to stay by his side to watch him continue to grow as a person. im so glad i have him and our pupfriend, i love them both so much, and i hope to be able to become a better girlfriend and support system to both of them as i recover :]

(sorry for the long ramble </3)

TL;DR: it has changed a lot and is generally more toned-down. also i love my boyfies so much

#🩵 — joseph.txt

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yuri-for-businesswomen · 2 months

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i'm a woman with substance use disorder. i didn't get sober through some grand noble journey to Get Better (not that there's a single thing wrong with that!). how i got sober differed depending on the substance. one medication, for a long time i kept stringing psychiatrists along and eventually was unable to keep getting my prescription, and i was going through a string of moves so i was unable to get it off the street, so getting off it wasn't really a choice (i do have one dose left though, i hold onto it just to feel like i have the option to use it if i need). another medication, i still have a prescription for but the comedown was getting so brutal that i just couldn't handle it anymore, so i don't often get the urge to use it because i know what fresh hell is waiting for me on the other side. i did used to have a daily weed use habit, but as i got older i my allergy to it randomly got worse so i had to stop that too. drinking i still struggle with, i binge every single time, but tbh nowadays i'm too lazy to keep up on my stock so the problem is more under control. all this to say, i guess my advice is to try to make it as inconvenient as possible to use, for me that's a big deterrent. you could also try to allow yourself use but on a very strict schedule, like only on a certain day(s) or only x number of times a week. PLEASE remember to ask yourself H.A.L.T. (are you Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired?), it helped me address some of the underlying causes of my use which helped me reduce it. i've heard people who swear up and down by AA or NA or groups like that. they have a big religion component and the men there can be scummy but having that support and a social group can make a world of difference, for me it was a general group therapy group. i do also think there's something that can happen to addicts where we can become addicted to being sad/suffering, like there's an edginess to it that makes you feel smarter and cooler and more honest than everyone else, like no one else Gets the Depth Of Being Human and they're all naive and etc. no one likes to talk about it but it's true, and acknowledging that i was in love with being at my lowest really called me out on my own shit. i'm keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you the absolute best luck, it'll suck so hard but it's 1000% worth it <333 ily

oh my god thank you so much this actually already helps a lot! and yeah there is such an identity component to drug use many dont talk about… its true. i mean my therapist will help me to get in some sort of program so i really do have access to resources and shit and i think going to a clinic is not the issue but life after… i have tried going sober several times and always had some sort of yoyo effect basically. i also dont just struggle with substances but other addictions and lack of impulse control too. and ive tried doing it in moderation but it never works out longterm. the HALT tip is actually gold, thank you thank you thank you for sharing and your advice and your kind words it means a lot! 🩷

#ask

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the-whispers-of-death · 3 months

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stone with a physics guy...? dont ask me how the fuck they met, ur good at making these meetings up BUT a reader who's such a nerd with science and physics and ASTRONOMY. pls.

Stone with an astrophysicist??? Not only does Stone have a boyfriend who can tell him facts about stars that the astronomy text books (I have realized my error in writing that he reads only astrology books when really he cares about the nonspecific practice of the positions of celestial bodies to predict human behavior and the science behind everything space) doesn't tell him, but also you get someone who knows enough of what you're talking about to follow your train of thought.

Sorry, that was a long sentence, whoops. Also, sorry in advanced that this isn't going to be written like a story, I do not have the energy tonight for it. (This will be like Sarabi x Rich!Reader's asks are usually written.) But you'll still get details of how they met, don't worry!

This falls under Stone's therapist told him to go out more (yeah, I'm using that scenario again, he is a reclusive man) so he does something that enjoys, which is looking at stars. It's the middle of the day though, so he goes to a planetarium.

You're there as well, needing to relax on your day off after doing intense research on space. You two are sitting next to each because there's a field trip going on, classes of elementary kids taking up the majority of the seats and rows. It's a little bit of a tight squeeze, since Stone is a big man, but he very politely is trying his best squeeze himself to the other side of his chair to give you more space.

He's only polite when it comes to planetariums, because he respects anyone who loves space like him.

As the lights dim and the show starts, Stone is in awe, as always. You're looking, of course, but you notice how intently he's staring up at the stars, analyzing them.

It's been so long since you've seen someone look at the stars with such wonder. Sure, you're surrounded by other astrophysicists, but they're more interested in the how and why of stars and space. Stone is awed simply at the beauty of stars and it's refreshing.

Especially since the elementary kids are screaming in an exaggerated manner and some are even running around, out of their seats. It's so bad that no one can hear the presenter, and you think that's a shame that Stone can't hear them.

So you use your knowledge of astronomy, leaning over slightly and telling him about various facts about the stars. He adds in the facts that he also knows, you being so pleased that you both engage in a very riveting conversation that's a mix of astronomy and astrology.

You two end up talking to each other the entire time, not even realizing the show is over until the lights turn back on and the chaperones of the elementary school field trip have sighed in relief since now they aren't stuck in an enclosed dome-room with screaming kids.

Even after you both are out of the room, you two continue to talk to each other, seeing all of the exhibits in the planetarium together. You spend hours together, almost like a little date.

At the end of it all, you both schedule a meet-up, setting a date and time. You two part, both happy that you finally found someone who understands your obsession with the stars and space.

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