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understandableparadox · 3 months

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a comprehensive list of everything wrong with hazbin hotel.

quick note before i lose myself in madness, my standards for helluvaboss are non existent because its a free show on youtube. also i kinda like helluvaboss and i will indulge in any bias i damn well please.

oh and spoilers. i guess.

the greater narrative of the entire season is "White lady civilize inner city hoodlum". ex: The blind side. rich girl, affluent family yadda yadda.

the story is set up to be like amphibia, owl house, svtfoe, steven universe, that being starting as something episodic then transforming into story driven narrative. why? because we know the benefits and drawbacks, episodic starts allows us to wander the world, it allows us to understand the dynamics, we are not forced to reckon with anything because there is no deadline. characters are allowed to bloom and shine and the audience can actually get attached.

the source material is Vary Clearly formed from remnants of something out of a middle school edgelord narrative. the usage of transformation, the big spooky grins, the "and then i smile as my eyes glow and-"-isms which in most cases i don't mind because in some instances but in a vary Particular case its astoundingly annoying and that annoyance is like a mold, shit spreads quick.

the color Red. as a lover of homestuck cherubs and karkat and aradia, as someone who fucking loves the color red, it is so painful to say but holy shit tone it the fuck down, i know its hell but their are so many other colors that you can use, its everywhere, the streets, the air, the windows, the screens, the characters, i know the pride ring is represented with red but change up the palates every so often for backgrounds

the rush, this ties into the second point made but i think the story itself is rushed. we know everything way to early. i know way to much and it makes it hard to care about anything because im still trying to digest the last chunk of info. "oh ok, so they clear out hell once a year. oh hell has a heaven embassy? ok. oh that adam the angel, i though he wou- oh its every 6 months now. wait the exterminators die a lot? then why is everyone sca- people in hell already have weapons that can kill angels? w- oh we are in heaven now, ok ma- no one in heaven except for the elites know the exterminations occur? how do-" and its that, just this incessant rush to explain everything to you. notably that's just the god damn spark notes, we need to know everything about the characters now, every single bit of their story, their insecurities, what charlie needs to fix, how she can fix them, the major bad guys, everything. you are never allowed to dwell on a character because we need to rush towards something else. it almost feels like this should have been like... season three, it would have been a fantastic season three if you dropped the introductions honestly.

the concept of redemption. for a story of redemption to work you need to look at three things. What is there crime, Do they want to change, What is preventing them from changeing? there is only one single character that has a notable path of redemption, angel dust, but if you look through their story it feels off. What Exactly is he guilty of? he has sex, does drugs and drinks. his apparent nymphomania is tied to his sad backstory as someone forced into the sex industry so how is that their fault? then if you think about it you start to spiral and notice "hey why are most of these people in hell?" like sure some of them may deserve punishment but then you see the fucking dichotomy and its like "I was a inventor in england and died of the fucking plague, i may have made evil little contraption hoohoohoo" vs "I was a cannibal, a full on cannibal, i fucking killed people and ate them and then someone shot me". ONE OF THESE THINGS ARE A LITTLE MORE FUCKING EXTREME. i'm going to go fucking nuts, the thing they went to heaven with when presenting a case to angels on the idea that redemption and becoming a better person is actually real was angel dust not drinking at a party and not having sex with consenting adults and i want to go fucking insane. WHAT IS THE CRIME, WHO IS THROWING THE BOOK, WHAT DOES THE BOOK INTEL, ARE WE ON GOOD PLACE RULES?! half the cast dont Need redemption they need fucking help, and the other half of the cast do need redemption but they do not seek it making the point moot. sir pentious acts like he has the brain of a hyper intelligent toddler tossing about toys, its almost like he did his one bad thing of spying and then got caught, sank his little diddy about forgiveness and second chances and become a null point through out the rest of the series, sure their was Some weight to him sacrificing himself, he was a decently funny character and he had good moments but him popping up in heaven felt like a fore gone conclusion, he didn't deserve to be in hell so why do i care that he is suddenly in heaven? because its working on the concept the good place already made. no one actually deserves eternal punishment they just need help processing what makes them a dick, but instead of looking at all the parts of the afterlife that make it bad, inefficient and then creating and trying ideas to see if it work instead over a few seasons, we crash dick first into all the major plot points in regards to that and say "tada, we fixed it.".

having a sub-plot about sexual assault and its victims then having multiple sexual assault related gag ruins your point.

don't make a bunch of stereotypically jewish characters into cannibals, that was a big thing, really shouldn't have to say it.

if you are going to make a character black, make them black, you can say alastor was black but sweet seren-fucking-dippity that's not a black man.

pot meet kettle but yeah the cursing could be a little less liberal. maybe just blue hair or the pronouns, not both.

there is a very distinctive art deco/jazz aesthetic which normally i love but i feel as though it is not used to its full extent and in some cases really hurts the character design in and of itself.

this is a vary obvious bit but the story is a million times more interested in gay men then it is of lesbians, which culminates in this insane thing where the writers clearly have more talent or perhaps it would be more abt to say practice writing male gay pining then they are with lesbian pining. which i personally think is hilarious because i did not know you could min max fujoshi-ism that hard.

this next section is more to do with each character on a fundamental level, for the sake of brevity whatever there is left, i'm just doing ones with speaking roles.

13. Charlie:

(see what i mean about that red thing?)

as originally stated charlie fits rather comfortably into every white saviour narrative, though that seems to be part of her joke. though i'm not entirely sure how much of a joke it can be when its rewarded and expected to advance the plot.

her character design says nothing, it has the motif of old puppets or dolls, she wears something vaguely similar to service suits, her demonic form is just some extra horns.not to say every character needs to have their life on a clothes rack but some more snake and goat imagery would be nice

its not the chol design of charlie with snake hair, not an actual problem but its a problem to me, damn you @cholvoq for ruining my ability to look at any of the characters without wishing i was seeing your designs instead.

character wise aside from the white savoir bit, i'm having a bit of trouble understanding what the arc of the character is. she is shown to be naive, someone who doesn't understand how the world works but everytime she says something its something astoundingly clear like "people can actually get better". and its treated like someone demanded faygo in every water fountain. is the joke that the world around her to cynical or is so to naive? please pick one or the other.

now if you know me, you know i fucking hate overpowered characters with a blinding passion, one that would set alit the god damn abyss but in this one special instance, i feel like its warranted, she's the direct descendant of fucking God, she can swing her weight around a little, i mean god damn. she in so many instances looks like shes cowering so often, why would the daughter of lucifer get backed down by some rando pimp? why wasn't she the one to fight adam? sure you can say she is young but how young? her parents were there since pre-abrahamic times, most of the characters showed up in hell in the 1900s, some of them showed up in the 1600s, how old is charlie??? how long does it take for her to learn how to be strong? The story does not suffer if charlie is strong and knows she is strong. it can easily be a case of "i don't believe in violence to a weird degree". fit it into her apparent naivety about the world to believe that violence is never the answer even when dealing with a being that is unilaterally horrible and abusive and monstrous.

she ga- no im kidding, i do think her romance was waysided a bit, it would have been fine to have more scenes of them togather and in love you know?

14. Vaggie

why did you name the lesbian vaggie...? Don't do that maybe?

I like how her design is almost moth like but again i feel as though you could have amped that up.

she feels as though someone tried to combine undyne and pearl from steven universe, same story beats and design elements. it makes it hard to really distinguish her as a character.

i honestly dont have much to say about her. she is fine.

christ kill me, lets just get the big one out of the way

15. Alastor.

God Damn

where to start.

"alastor is mixed race" mixed with fucking what? concrete? there is not a single black feature on that creature, now im not saying you have to make him a png of louie armstrong but it wouldn't hurt to add a curl to the hair maybe? make it a tiny bit more wavy? Something? a crumb i beg of thee?

his symbolism is all over the god damn place, native american monsters (you know the one), voodoo, radio, puppets, stitches, circuses??? and Tentacles i guess. two of those are from closed religions so if you dumped those you would actually get a more concise character focused on the concept of vox populi as a means of societal control and influence as we see in his first song. but again that gets drowned out repeatedly by all the other random toy box bits shoved into him.

tumblr sexy man bait

he serves no purpose in the story. he does spooky stuff, pretends to do things and then goes back to sitting around looking spooky. i understand that his motif is supposed to be aloof mastermind but maybe have him do more mastermindy things? if you remove most of alastors scenes, bar the songs, it doesn't change all to much. husk and nifity can still be at the hotel, they could be looking for outs in their contracts the same as angel dust. hell it even helps with the one scene where he dose some spooky shit, asking charlie for a favor in exchange for his help in the fight with the angels instead of asking him about angel weapons which should have remained a strictly vaggie scene.

his presence in a way delegitimize the story, as I noted in in the section regarding redemption, the three parts are "what is the crime, do they want to change, what is stopping them?" and alastor kinda just spits in the face of that. he is a serial killer cannibal that has no qualms about how evil he is and apparently must continue being evil due to being under the control under someone legitimately called the Root Of All Evil. show him take a slight interest in the idea that maybe shit for him could be better, make him Want Change at the bare fucking minimum or dont have him at the hotel.

his stupid little fucking horns, big shot the troll liker wants characters to have big fucking horns, make them noticeable or dont have them.

he looks more like a dog boy, which could have been an interesting thing with the collar motif but fuck me i guess.

personal pet peeve but i fucking hate characters that have a million plus powers, stick to a set number, be creative.

im getting more petty as i go on so last point: he could have been in less episodes, he didn't need to be in dad beat dad, that should have been just a lucifer and charlie episode. inverse the red and black and i think he would be fucking great color wise, his body type is the same as ten different characters, he isnt radio enough, aside from the voice and and staff if you told me he was the fucking Cat Demon i would have been just as convinced.

16. Angel Dust

what the fuck, gay spider? its hard to actully articulate all the thoughts i have on angel dust, not in the sense that he is a deeply thought provoking character but in the fact that there is not much meat on the bones.

all around i think angel dust is kinda middling. he has a decent enough romance with husk, he has a decent enough story line that revolves around battling addiction and removing yourself from an abuser (which the story tries to brand as "Redemption???")

I dont like that most of his jokes would qualify as sexual harassment, i don't mind him being sexual as a character but continuing on when clearly someone doesn't like the jokes hurts the character.

not a critique but he is pink, which honestly ill fucking take at point, as long as its not more fucking red.

i think his design is an improvement over some of the old vivzie designs but it feels like it could have done with going a few more rounds of design changes.

same thing with alastor, charlie and vaggie, there is not enough of the animal that they are supposed to be. You could have told me angel dust was a fucking bee or something and i would have had to believe you. nothing about angel dust initially says spider, hell he dosent even have enough limps to be a fucking spider.

17. Carmilla carmine

are... are you supposed to be a rabbit...?

Big Yoai Hands

ballet fighting style, could have been cool, wish she fought more like sanji or chun li.

A single mom that works to hard, who loves her kids and never stops-

her song was decent, not great, decent. it feels as though the actress has experience singing but not in the way they tried to make her sing during her two songs. they have a obvious mexican influence, honestly just let her sing in spanish in the english dub. go listen to the spanish dub, "out for love" sounds great in spanish.

i wish i had more thoughts on them, fucking rip.

18. cherri bomb

that's not a punk aesthetic that's 2010s alt

decent character, they showed up once or twice i guess, no real thoughts.

19. egg boiz

absolutely perfect, i have not notes on them, these are perfect creatures.

20. Emily

im so fucking happy to see a singular blue character

does the naive dreamer bit better then charlie

We really shouldnt have seen her until the end of season two or middle of three.

good contrast with the other angels on screen.

Wait she is supposed to be black??? Where???

21. Husk

keith david you absolute delight, Why on gods green earth did they only give you one singing part?

one of the few charecters where its clear husk is a cat, i do like the kinda... marquee design, he is a magic cat, thats neat. i still think you can toss the wings and eyebrows and still have just as good of a charecter.

has a deeply intresting story of someone who died as a nobody, became the fat cat of hell and then was forced back to the bottom by their own vices, not used at fucking all.

huge potential, little pay off.

22. lillith

I know nothing about her except she ditched her kid and husband to vacation in heaven and i think thats kinda funny.

alot of werid things floating around her, again she shouldnt have been shown in the show at all until next season.

23. lucifer morningstar

no notes, funniest charecter, did a song based on friend like me.

few notes: i do like the idea that the immortal symbol of pride is a constant emotional wreckage constantly seeking approval through grand showmanship and manic energy that threatens to take over anything they touch.

would have liked more snake stuff on him, maybe some more goat things like horns.

that is such a stupid fucking staff lmao.

24. Adam.

alex brightman you absolute fucking delight, you should have had more songs.

I wish his design was more focused on the idea of him being a glam rock wash up

I fucking hate his mask

We shouldn't have met him until the end of the season.

25. Niffty

again she is supposed to be a bug or cockroach but nothing about her points to that.

token straight

keeps rocketing back and fourth between sexulization and infantilization

you had kimiko glenn but didnt give her a single fucking song?

26. Sir Pentious

the secret season one redeemed.

the pilot version of him felt more like someone that could do a season one redemption arc, a megalomaniac constantly attempting territory grabs, there is something you can work with, actual character flaws to work through.

essentially a child after the first episode.

actually a snake which i appreciate.

no where near steampunky enough.

27. the villians of the show dont make much sense, each one feels like they should be season long deals on their own instead of a bunch of team rocket esque idiots that show up on occasion, do a bad thing and then leave.

28. Valentino

gOD THERE IS SO MUCH RED

only a moth some of the time.

sucks as a villain, maybe they need more screen time to show why they suck in a more substantial way aside from being told that he sucks.

it is interesting that angel dust is only under his magical control when in the studio, it shows that angel dust has to make a conscious choice to return, which in turn can be made to show how abusers can draw back their victims. I do not think it was done well in this circumstance as it shows him to be cartoonishly evil, constantly flying back and fourth between sweet and utter psycho, there is no actual reason for angel dust to ever actually go back to the studio, he just does so every so often.

29. Vox

legit who cares? the only thing about him that is in any way substantial is all the dope ass fan art we get.

propaganda machine angle that is not explored at all, just hinted at. no actual barring on the story whatsoever.

why didn't he try to do the same shit as alastor by the way? he knows its bad if alastor gets in good with charlie so shouldn't it be a ass kissing race?

same body shape as literally every other male character.

tumblr sexy man version of pyrocynicals fursona.

30. Valvette

the actual poster child of the shows huge problem of "Show me, don't tell me".

apparently the glue that holds the villains together. never shown.

apparently the one that makes the love potions that valentino is famous for. had to learn about that in the fuckin wiki trivias

we know so much about her from things outside of the show.

was there to call carmilla a coward, that's her plot contribution. she shows up every now and again but its never anything substantial and serves to more around take up run time for people We Don't Need To Know Yet.

im not trying to be mean, animation is animation, we need smaller studios to have success in the industry so that other indie studios can have that success, felling a tree makes it easier for others to follow. showing that its possible to number brain rot exacs helps all animators.

but this show has so much bullshit attached to it, it has so much fucking potential that it fries my brain with unyielding frustration.

this took a bit to write, im tired, thanks for reading.

#hazbin hotel

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midnight-hotel · 5 months

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Missing (Alastor x Reader)

My first fic in 4+ years, please go easy on me. This story occurs during and after the final episode of season one. Enjoy and feel free to give feedback!

Coughs racked your body as you struggled to take in a breath of dust polluted air. Pain shot through your undoubtedly broken ribs and back with every cough, blood splattering across your bottom lip and tongue, amplifying the smell of iron in the air. Wrapping an arm around yourself, you stared up at the executioner who was quickly approaching with their broken spear.

‘Shit- I might actually die here…’

They lunged, ready to plunge their holy weapon through your skull. You tried, with all your might, to push off the wall and away from death’s path, failing to notice that it wouldn’t have come to begin with. The next time you looked back at the angel, they were on the ground, covered in their alarmingly golden blood, several holes littering their body.

Looking around, alarmed, you realised that you had been saved, but by who? Your eyes briefly met with Angel Dust’s, and in that moment, you knew your saviour. With no time to show your gratitude, you spat a mouthful of blood onto the ground and stood, grabbing the angel’s broken weapon to take as your own. If Alastor’s shield could fail, then there was no way you could take a moment to stop and breathe, everyone needed you to keep fighting, as much as you needed them to as well. You could only hope they were all okay.

It seemed like there was no end to the onslaught of angels. They just kept coming out of that damned doorway into heaven. You were growing tired, injuries burning and only getting worse, but stopping now would only lead to your death and possibly the death of others. Stabbing another Angel through the chest, you kicked their body away, stealing their intact spear to replace the broken one you had left in the corpse. That’s when you heard more commotion from behind and then an irritatingly familiar voice. Turning, you understood why everything had kicked up a gear.

Adam was still alive? But that could only mean…

“Alastor!” His name tore up your throat as you quickly looked up towards the roof of the hotel. Shit- he couldn’t be… but would he have really allowed Adam to get away and rejoin the fight?

Dropping the spear in your hands, you ran for the hotel, barging in through the doors and rushing up the stairs. You needed to get to him. He couldn’t be dead.

Third floor.

The whole building began to shake as you reached the third floor. Looking down the stairwell, just barely able to see through the dust, you could make out Dazzle and… was that Vaggie? You contemplated jumping down to help- Dazzle was clearly not about to get up but… you needed to get to Alastor. Vaggie would be fine. So, you continued running up the stairs- cursing yourself for not being in better shape.

Sixth Floor.

The building shook again. ‘Shit- I don’t know if I’m going to make it up there.’ It sounded like the fight had made it to the top of the hotel already. Based on the rubble constantly falling overhead and how the place was quickly falling apart.

Seventh Floor.

There was a bright light- a flash really- and you think you heard screaming? Fuck it, there had been non stop screaming for the past hour, what was one more? Your vision had hardly cleared from the flashbang when the whole building started to come down. Dropping to the ground, you tucked yourself into a corner, hoping that there was enough structural strength in that section of the building to prevent you from being crushed. The last thing you could recall was the feeling of something falling on top.

Who knows how much time had passed before you were being pulled from the rubble. There was too much going on- too many people talking at once, too many people hovering… you reached out, swatting away the faces that were too close.

“Alastor… where’s Alastor?” you croaked, trying to push yourself up into a seated position. Your beaten body screamed at you- begging for you to just lay there and rest, but you needed to know if he was okay- needed to know where he was.

Multiple hands helped you up, but you took no notice of who it was. From who you could see, the makeshift army hadn’t lost too many numbers but everyone was about as fucked up as you were.

“We… don’t know…” You turned your head to Charlie who looked as if she had been crying. Of course she had… out of everyone, losing anyone would have hit her the hardest. Your heart sank. No one had seen him? Looking around at the others- even Husk shook his head, almost looking worried, before he spoke up.

“He’s not dead. Not yet anyway. That asshole’s probably hiding away somewhere, butt hurt that he lost to an angel,” he grunted out, subconsciously bringing a hand to his throat. Of course Husk would know if Alastor was gone… he’s bound to him after all.

“He could be buried under there though- we need to search. He could be dying in there,” You tried to argue, standing only to stumble back into what used to be the hotel.

Angel Dust grabbed you by the wrist to stop you, pulling you back. “Easy there Doll Face. We’ll find him or he’ll show up. You’re in no state to go digging through what’s left right now.”

It wasn’t fair. How could everyone walk away from the disaster that was once their home while there were still people missing?

That was three weeks ago. As you laid in bed, in a room provided by Lucifer himself to those who had nowhere else to go, you stared up at the ceiling, thinking the last few weeks over. Everyone’s injuries had been healing pretty well, though yours were a tad worse since you had the building come down on top of you. There was a lot of talk about rebuilding the hotel. Plans had been drawn up and Charlie and Lucifer had teamed up to clear the rubble from the original hotel so that everyone could start building fresh when the time was right.

There was also a lot of talk on what to do about the lost lives. Memorials were being planned out, names of the fallen cannibals taken down in order to properly remember those who sacrificed themselves for the cause, a painting for Pentious and even a statue of some kind. You hadn’t really been listening to that part. You hadn’t listened to much at all really, either constantly lost in thought or bed bound by your injuries. You were getting pretty sick of not being present, physically and mentally.

As you closed your eyes to sleep, something inside the room moved. Eyes snapping back open, you quickly looked to where you saw the movement, just barely catching the tail end of a shadow disappearing from outside your door. Climbing out of bed, you pulled a robe over your bandaged body and quickly exited the room, looking around for whatever it was that you had just seen. There was no one in sight. All the other occupied rooms in the hallway had their doors closed and lights off, so you doubted it was one of them. Right as you were about to head back into the room, you saw it again, rushing around a corner.

Quickly you ran after it, hoping that by the time you reached the corner, it wouldn’t have disappeared. Injuries, mostly healed but still tender, began to ache from the sudden strain as you tried to keep up with the shadow that passed through another door.

Before you could open it and continue your pursuit, you had to stop and catch your breath. Healing ribs ached and your once punctured lung protested with every deep breath taken. Sucking in one more deep breath, you pushed yourself to open the door, leading out into the courtyard. Pretty big place for just one person to be living in most of the time, but this is the home of the king of hell himself, so you supposed it was fitting.

Subconsciously holding your ribs, you looked around for the shadowy figure again, but in the dark, there was no way you would be able to see it so easily. Without really realising it, you had walked further into the courtyard, admiring the garden in the small amount of light that was available. ‘Lots of roses… surprised there isn’t an apple tree or something.’

“They are quite beautiful aren’t they?” A voice suddenly spoke up, making you jump. Whipping around, wincing as your bruises and stitches stretched, you eyed off the culprit.

“Of course, I much prefer Nerium over roses.”

“Alastor…” Standing before you was the man who had made this last week a living hell. Did he not realise how much sleep you had lost, not knowing if he was okay? How worried you had been?

“Only because they’re toxic you freak…” you retorted softly, not even sure if he had heard it as you slowly approached him.

“I had a feeling it was your shadow I had seen… You’re the only sonofabitch I know who can do that.”

Stopping just short of the man, you stared up at him with tired eyes. He looked down at you, that stupid grin on his face, like it always was.

“Now Darling, must you use such language during our happy reunion? Aren’t you happy to see me?” He mocked, before you weakly punched him in the chest.

You hadn’t even realised it but you had started crying sometime after seeing him standing there. “You asshole… Don’t you know how fucking worried I was about you? Where have you been?” You hit him again, hardly bothering him by the looks of it, as he hardly flinched with every hit. He was a lot stronger than you were… but you supposed you didn’t really want to hurt him.

“Why couldn’t you have at least told us you were okay? Why didn’t you show yourself? I was scared you were dying under the hotel or something- after losing Pentious- I don’t know what we would have done if we found you dead as well.”

A hand dropped onto the top of your head, silencing you and you stopped hitting him, dropping your arms and instead, falling forward to rest your head on his chest.

“I apologise for causing you such grief my dear. I must be honest, I had some loose ends I needed to tie off before I could return. If I had been able to inform you of my whereabouts, I would have,” Alastor remarked, a familiar, almost comforting radio static coating every word.

“Everything is okay now though isn’t it? We’re all alive and we can start rebuilding the hotel much faster now that I’m back! Though I must say, I am honoured that you care so much!”

You shut your eyes, concentrating on the hand that was gently petting your head before pulling back. “You’re a liar. You got hurt. You can fool everyone else as much as you want Al… but you can’t fool me that easily. I’ve known you far too long for that. You got hurt and you should have come to me. Hell, I was coming after you- to help you and I got crushed because of it!” You didn’t mean to raise your voice, or blame him for the building falling on top of you, it just happened. You wiped your tears away with the back of your hand and watched as his gaze softened a little while his smile remained.

“You said it yourself (Y/N), you’ve known me too long, to think I didn’t get away. But, if it’s all the same, I apologise. I truly never meant to frighten you.” Alastor cupped your cheek, gently guiding you to meet his red gaze. “I promise, from now on, I will assure you I am okay before running anymore of my long term errands. Okay?”

Anyone could tell he was still hiding things from you, but what more could you do? You knew him well, but you didn’t think anyone truly knew what was going on inside of Alastors mind other than Alastor himself.

“Okay…”

“Wonderful Darling. Come now, I do believe we should be getting you back to bed. Those wounds aren’t going to finish healing if you keep running around like a headless chicken.” Spinning you around, he set a hand onto your lower back and started heading you back to your room so that you could get some rest. Typical Alastor… always quick to disturb and dismiss… but at least he was okay. You felt like, as long as he was okay, maybe you could be okay as well.

#admin #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor #alastor x reader #x reader #reader #oneshot #angst #injury

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marvelwinchester67 · 5 months

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I’m gonna need 5-10 business days to recover from the Hazbin Hotel season 1 finale.

Hazbin Hotel episode 7 and 8 spoilers (because I’m going feral) and my thoughts/unhinged feelings about it because no one else can understand quite like tumblr can

Read at your own risk

What. The. Fuck. Guys.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

IT WAS NIFFTY WHO KILLED ADAM?!

AND SIR PENTIOUS?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! IM NOT OKAY BUT IM GLAD HE IS

Lucifer “now I’m gonna fuck you” Morningstar everyone (plz I love him so much)

So Carmilla knew who Vaggie really was and just, didn’t give a shit? Love her for that

I love Rosie. Her design, her personality, she’s amazing. She was so sweet to Charlie when she didn’t have to be and actually listened to her and encouraged her (points for the relationship advice)

So Alastor is on someone’s leash and he’s trying to wiggle his way out of it, the Vees are plotting (of course they are), and LUTE KNOWS LILITH?! THEY MADE SOME KIND OF DEAL?!

I’m so so curious about how Lute and Lilith know each other and why Lute would want her to deal with her daughter

But this implies that Adam had a previous deal with Lilith regarding something we don’t know yet, since Lute said she was in charge now that he was dead and that their deal pertained to her now

ALSO?! You’re telling me that’s what Adam looked like under his mask?! (I still loathe him but lowkey he was hot I’ll be honest right now)

Sir Pentious telling Cherri he loved her was so sweet

I soaked up every single scrap of Huskerdust I could within those last two episodes they own my soul and I’m so excited to see more of them in season 2

So it looks like Vox thinks Alastor is missing again which is why he’s plotting with the other Vees, but Alastor showed back up at the hotel during repairs so that might not last long

Alastor’s fight with Adam was so good holy shit omfg plz give me more of Alastor’s powers that shield was so cool and his verse in that final song gave me chills like, oh my god he was so mad and I’m here for it

And Lucifer showing up and telling Charlie she changed his heart and mind about the sinners? He is so precious plz protect this duck loving man at all costs

Charlie and Vaggie’s More Than Anything Reprise? Please I am sobbing they love each other so much it hurts

To top it all off- Alastor having beef with literally everyone will never not be funny. Fucking Susan? Are you kidding me. I was laughing so hard. Rosie seems like she deals with Susan a lot and Alastor calling her an Ornery Bitch was so fucking funny for no reason.

Everyone has beef with Susan now.

There is so much I have to say about this show and I could literally talk about it for years but for now I will be repeatedly listening to the soundtrack and impatiently waiting for season 2 because I no longer have the will to live after I sobbed on my bedroom floor over this show. VIVIENNE I AM IN YOUR WALLS-

#Hazbin Hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #Hazbin hotel spoilers #vivziepop #angel dust hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #huskerdust #hazbin hotel lute #hazbin hotel adam #sir pentious #Cherri bomb #Cherri and sir pentious #husk x angel dust #charlie x vaggie #charlie morningstar

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royaltozaki · 1 month

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sun-kissed

bachelorette series - trailer • part 1 • part 2 • part 3 • part 5

synopsis: an unexpected arrest deters filming for day 4 so instead, y/n and sana spend the day together. almost like a date?

warnings: mentions of child pedophilia! suggestive, cursing - i forget to tag that alot bcs its in all my fics but just assume its always there oop

w/c: 5.2k

a/n: okay this took me way longer than it should’ve to write but i think it’s maybe my favourite chapter so far… or maybe i’m soft rn 🤭 enjoy!

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

could they have made any less of a scene?

the sirens have stopped but the blue and red lights continue to blaze as you stand in shock with the rest of the contestants while the cops raid the mansion.

sana had been taken away by the producers as soon as the police cars had pulled up.

when they're finally done checking the mansion, they walk out a cuffed wonsik. his head is down, refusing to look at any of you, hands behind his back as he's shoved into the back of the police car.

none of you had a clue what was going on, you were all enjoying the third rose ceremony and nothing could've predicted where this night had led you.

eventually, after the police have long driven away, the producers return with sana who looks a little shaken up. you head towards her immediately, wrapping your arms around her shoulders, but she can't seem to face you, eyes blank as she follows the producers instructions for everyone to come back into the mansion.

"sana? sana?" you're trying to get her attention, shaking her slightly.

she snaps out of it with a blink, looking up at you in confusion, "hm?"

"you okay? kinda lost you back there."

"mm yeah i just- it was just really unexpected."

"what was?"

she nods her head towards the producers who are now standing in front of the leftover contestants preparing to make an announcement.

"okay guys so we only just found this out but wonsik has been arrested on charges of owning child pornography, engaging in pedophilic acts, and sexual assault of a minor. the police have searched the house and confiscated all of his items and any incriminating evidence they could use in court. as you all know, we do conduct background checks on all contestants before they are accepted onto this show, and we apologise that this incident has been overseen. we won't be editing wonsik's arrest out of tonight's episode, but he has obviously been eliminated. we'll take tomorrow off filming to allow you all a small break and please do let us know if you have any concerns moving forward with filming."

what the actual fuck?

as soon as the producers are done with their announcement everyone is talking on top of each other, trying to figure out just what the hell happened and how this happened under everyone's noses.

"did you know?"

"holy shit i never saw that coming out of him-"

"man its always the quiet ones that are the most fucked up-"

you turn to sana in shock, feeling much like how she had looked just a little earlier. "sana?"

she's still a little distracted when she looks at you, "hmm? i'm tired y/n. let's go back home?"

you're nodding quickly, leading her away from the aftermath to the quiet cool of the outside air. you wave down your driver and quickly lead sana inside, stuttering out directions to your villa and sitting back, sneaking a glance at sana who's looking out the window with glazed eyes.

the drive back is silent save for the low hum of the engine. you're a little surprised when sana shuffles closer to you, linking her arm through yours and placing her head on your shoulder, still not saying anything.

you take her hand in yours, interlock your fingers, and lean your head on hers. the rest of the short drive is spent like this, the silence is thoughtful, but not awkward.

even as you arrive back at the house, your hands never leave each other's, you lead her towards your shared bathroom and brush your teeth side by side. only letting go of each other when you both go to start your nighttime skincare routines.

sana has a much more intricate routine than you because of her obsession with all things health-related and her need to take care of her skin well. so you finish earlier than her, mumbling a quick goodnight while she's still bent over the sink and moving past her to retire yourself to bed.

you close all the blinds, intending to have a full night's rest and wake up late tomorrow because filming was cancelled, climbing under your sheets and sighing at the feeling of soft fabric against your skin.

your eyes are slowly drifting shut when your door peeks open, and sana's slipping in, closing the door behind her, shrouding the room in darkness again. she tiptoes to the edge of your bed, lifting the cover and sliding inside, cold feet come to entangle themselves with your legs, shuffling close as you get a whiff of her night serum, the sweet, tangy smell of mandarin subtly descending upon your senses.

"this is okay right?" she's murmuring against you, you're lying face to face, eyes sleepily open while your eyes readjust to the darkness, making out the soft curl of her eyelashes and the perfect slant of her nose.

you hum against her, sliding an arm over her waist and pulling her closer, resting your foreheads together and closing your eyes comfortably.

you think she's drifted off to sleep after a few minutes, but she speaks up in a whisper, barely there, you wouldn't have heard her if you weren't almost lip to lip, "y/n?"

"hm?"

you feel the soft breath of her sigh against your lips, "i... i should've known... he- i could've put him away faster- i gave him a platform- he was on national television and oh y/n, kids the kids he took advantage of could've seen him on tv and thought-" she's slowly panicking the tone of her voice getting shakier as she spirals and allows herself to voice her thoughts out loud for the first time, "-thought that he was in the right that it was okay that there were no consequences and then i kissed him oh my god i kissed him y/n and what kinda message does that send like-"

"sana sana baby shh, shh c'mere-" you're pulling her into you, tucking her head under yours and she starts crying and shuddering, hands twisted at the collar of your shirt.

"i just- like what's worse is i actually liked him-"

"mm no no sweetie stop stop. listen no-one knew what he was okay? it's not your fault you fell for him you can't blame yourself for that. he literally came here with the intention of making you do that you were just another one of his unlucky victims okay? and look, once this gets out on the news he's not going to have that platform anymore okay? in fact he'll probably hate that he came on here because he's going to be even more infamous than if he had stayed anonymous. we can only be real and truthful going forward so that those poor kids are validated in their feelings. he's going to be put away for a long long time now and he's not gonna have the chance to pull any more of that shit okay?"

she's sniffling into your shirt, listening to you talk and soothe her. you continue whispering sweet reassurances into the night, waiting for her to calm down.

she sniffles again, finally looking up at you, eyes red and snot dribbling out of her nose, your heart aches, "can we go out tomorrow? just us, like old times."

you smile at her request, nodding and pressing a gentle kiss onto her forehead, "of course baby. we can go do whatever you want. i promise i'll be yours for the whole day."

she's smiling, thanking you softly and closing her eyes. you wait to hear the her breath slow into quiet even snores before you stop stroking her hair, just holding her against you and closing your own eyes. drifting off to sleep with the adorable mimimimi sound she lets out only when she's exhausted and sleeping well.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

the next morning the both of you wake up around 10am, a comfortable time that allowed you to sleep-in, but not so much that you'd miss out on the entire day.

some producers stop by to check in on sana and go through a small debrief of everything that's happened and what they have left to film in the show.

you can tell she's still a little on edge and wants to get away from everything as fast as possible so you politely ask the producers for time off today and to leave the both of you alone until tomorrow since no filming was happening anyway.

eventually, they're leaving and sana's throwing on casual white pants, a light cardigan on top of a knit button-up, sunnies, grabbing her prada handbag and she's ready to go.

you're lucky you have so many things at your disposal, even multiple cars in the garage to pick from as you grab a random set of keys and click unlock. spotting a white convertible respond with its headlights flashing twice and leading sana towards the car, hopping in. sana's mood has already improved greatly, bubbling with excitement as she lists off some names of a couple restaurants you could try in town for lunch. you smile at her nodding along and humming as you start the engine, pulling out of the garage and onto the valley road, turning on the radio and laughing at the way sana almost jumps out of her seat, neck craning up, eyes closing, letting the wind sprinkled with a hint of sea salt blow through her hair, breathing in a deep breath of satisfaction.

you know you're meant to keep your eyes on the road but it was empty anyway and sana looked so so beautiful. you traced the slope of her nose, down to the curve of her lips as she smiles, the sharp lines of her jaw, and the smooth plane of skin at her neck.

she's peeking an eye open at you, laughing when you realise you've been caught, her giggle high and airy. you loved her so much. and it was getting harder and harder to say that to her without it meaning something a little more.

you're pulling into town soon, she's babbling excitedly and pointing at things that interest her with the curiosity of a child, you're trying to find parking and smoothly drive into an angled spot just in front of the restaurant you had both decided on.

you're jumping out of the car and running to the other side to get her door, and she's giggling and smiling when you take her hand, pressing a sweet kiss to her knuckles, and helping her out of the car.

you enter the bustling shop hand in hand, smiling kindly at the waiter who greets you and ushers you to a table situated next to a large window, allowing a picturesque view into the bay area with a couple fishing boats coming back in after an early morning.

you continue your act of chivalry, pulling out her chair before she sits, and then walking over to take your own seat across from her.

you both glance over the menu enjoying the hum of a busy eatery.

"do you know what you want yet y/n?"

the words on the menu were quickly meshing together, lots of french and seafood terms you wouldn't be able to take a first guess at the meaning of. you pout and shake your head.

she giggles at your antics, "it's okay i'll order for us." she's waving over the same waiter who greeted you at the door, then listing off a few menu items, her french sounding poised and elegant, though you knew she had not-so-secretly spent a year obsessing over french ballet and had even taken up a few lessons herself, only to realise she was much too clumsy to continue it. she had thanked your mutual friend mina for the gracious lessons but resorted to attempting to learn french as an outlet for her obsession.

"-leave out the pickles in everything. and that'll be all thankyou."

your heart picks up a little at the small gesture. you despised anything with pickles in it, and she knew that, making sure you wouldn't have to pick out any of those sickly green slices.

you smile in thanks when the waiter leaves with your order, only to come back quickly afterwards with a bottle of chardonnay which she pours into two elegantly carved wine glasses she's brought along with her.

you raise your eyebrows at sana, questioning the alcohol, but she only sits forward, propping an elbow up on the table and leaning her head into it with a smile.

"day drinking?"

"what? i'll drink yours if you don't want it."

you roll your eyes at her affectionately, taking the glass and sipping, humming at the sweet and tangy bitterness that fills your mouth.

she copies your actions with a beam, setting her glass back down and licking her lips. you follow the action.

"is there anything else specific that you wanted to do today?" you're asking her, taking another sip from your glass.

"mm, not really. i don't mind as long as i'm with you."

"glad to know you're feeling well enough again to flirt."

"oh always with you baby. you're the only one for me."

"that's a bold faced lie and you know it."

she pouts at that, and you can't help yourself, leaning forward and pressing lightly on her bottom lip.

"stop that. put that back in there."

she licks your finger and you hiss, pulling away quickly in mock disgust while she laughs, "please you've made me suck on your fingers and now you're grossed out?"

the waiter decides to come with your first dish at that exact moment, a light dusting of pink on her cheeks as she overheard sana's comment, you don't fare much better when you flare up in embarrassment, hastily wiping your finger on your skirt and babbling out a loud thank you to the waiter.

you glare at sana who's trying her hardest not to laugh, no shame whatsoever, shaking in her seat at the effort of keeping it in, her lips pursed and eyes twinkling.

"you're so going to get it when we get back." you mumble as you stab into a mussel on the plate in front of you.

"awwwwh poor baby's embarrassed, don't worry, mommy will make it better."

your fork drops at the term and you feel yourself going extraordinarily red. she's laughing now, loud and boisterous, drawing the attention of a few onlookers and you throw your napkin at her, whining and slinking back into your chair trying to hide your face.

it's a few seconds after you've folded you arms across your chest and tucked your chin in, willing the heat in your cheeks to go away while staring into your lap, that sana's stopped laughing.

she picks up a mussel with her fork and holds it out to you, leaning forward onto the table again, eyes bright making an 'ahh' sound.

you turn your head, not giving her the satisfaction of paying her attention, but she's persistent, "c'mon y/n. i'm sorry i won't tease anymore i promise."

it's no surprise that you can't resist her, rolling your eyes and opening your mouth, accepting the fleshy piece of seafood and chewing. she's smiling and poking her own piece to put in her mouth, humming at the taste and making sure it was to your liking as well.

the rest of lunch is spent like this, playful and fun, it's good to be able to feel like yourselves again after all the hectic film shooting.

you're standing up to grab the bill after you're both finished when sana shakes her head at you, "i got it already don't worry."

"huh? what do you mean?"

"i told the waiter earlier in french so you wouldn't know. just let me treat this time? i still haven't really been able to thank you for coming along with me for this."

"what? sana this was like... a one hundred dollar meal at least. don't be silly let me pay you back."

she's humming and putting her cardigan back on, standing up and walking in front of you, "pay me back by winning something for me at the arcade?"

you sigh, grumbling along as she giggles at you, taking your hand and leading you out of the restaurant, thanking your waiter who still looks a little off-put by you, and walking down the street to where you had spotted the small arcade earlier.

you purchase a hefty amount of arcade tokens and get straight into all the classics. sana just barely won air hockey against you, jumping and whooping with every goal, you have to take off your jacket midway through the game, sweating as you try and focus on hitting the little puck. you get her back on the dance machines though, you can't keep in the laugh when she somehow ends up sprawled on the floor, limbs tangled and missing every following beat.

you cycle through the arcade, speeding through mario kart and midnight run, shooting with abysmal accuracy at the gun games, trying your hand at some of the more unique japanese arcade games they have (which sana completely destroys you at), and eventually ending up at the wide variety of claw machines.

sana's pulling you towards one with spy x family collectibles, and you furrow your eyebrows in concentration as you try to get the small anya keychain for her.

she's giving you instructions from the side of the machine, trying to give you as much perspective as possible before the time runs out and the claw drops. you wait with baited breath as it grabs the keychain, comes back up with a whir, and then... the keychain falls out at the bump at the top of the machine.

you don't even hesitate when you push in another token, determined to win this one thing.

sana's with you the whole way, her reactions only getting more and more expressive with each loss.

you're probably on your 9th try, the claw grabs onto the keychain, lifts it up, and with a whoop the keychain's falling successfully into the claim box. sana's caterwauling and jumping into your arms and you lift her up in glee, spinning her around once before setting her back down. you bend down to pick up the keychain, presenting it to sana with a flourish, and then she's kissing your cheek and squeezing you against her in a hug, thank yous spilling out of her in rapid succession.

you giggle against her, hugging back, relishing in the contact.

after you exchange your arcade tickets for prizes, you head down towards the docks, stopping for some ice cream before making it to the boardwalk.

there are a few other couples doing the same thing, and when you nod politely to an elderly couple holding hands, you're hit with the abrupt realisation that you and sana must look like a couple right now. unless people were homophobic, then you'd just be a couple of close friends, maybe roommates.

you're suddenly hyperaware of the sweat starting to collect on your palm, releasing her hand and wiping it on your skirt when she looks at you with a cocked head, mid-lick of her ice cream cone, eyes wide.

you switch your own ice cream cone to your other hand so it looks like you had an excuse to let go, avoiding her questioning gaze.

eventually you both decide to sit down at the end of the boardwalk, legs dangling over the edge and looking out across the bay. there weren't any boats currently docked in so you had a clear view of the blue vastness in front of you.

sana's leaning in and looking up at you with puppy dog eyes.

"...what?"

she doesn't speak, her eyes darting down to your own ice cream cone and back up.

you roll your eyes and hold it out for her.

she's grinning and sticking out her tongue to lick a long strip along the side of your cone, humming in satisfaction.

"wanna try mine?"

"i'm okay thanks."

she's pouting and you can't have that so you lean in and lick some of hers, cringing at the overly sweet taste of artificial fairy floss but the smile she gives you afterwards makes up for it.

you both sit back and enjoy the light afternoon breeze, a calming presence after the hectic running around you did at the arcade.

"i missed this." sana speaks up first.

"me too."

"things have been pretty crazy with the house. i'm really glad that you're here with me though."

you turn to her and smile, "i'm glad you let me come."

"of course. the home visits later on are gonna get a little crazy. every season those are always full of drama."

"do you know who you want to end up there yet? your final four?"

she hums, thinking for a little, "still not really. we have... nine- wait no, eight since wonsik's a pedophile. so jacky, eunji, jihyo, momo, jun, jiwon, nayeon, and dae."

"it's a good mix i think. they all have different types of chemistry with you."

you're distracted by a buzz on your phone, taking it out and opening your messages.

miyeon: y/n!!!!! i just saw the news about wonsik! its everywhere rn r u guys okay?

"who's that?" sana's looking at your with a curious lilt in her voice.

you hesitate to respond, knowing how she reacted the last time you and miyeon were together.

"oh just my uncle. he's asking what to get my mum for her birthday later. you'd think he'd know since they're siblings but..." you trail off, typing a quick response back to miyeon.

y/n: it was crazy no one saw it coming! the producers called off filming today.. probably so they can deal with all the legal disputes that'll come up bcs of this

you tuck your phone back into your jacket, ignoring the new messages you get. you could respond to miyeon later. today was meant for you and sana.

sana's sighing and leaning her head on your shoulder, "wish i wore swimmers. it's such nice weather and the water looks soo good."

"we can head back and go for a swim in the pool if you want? we haven't had a chance to use it yet. may as well get the most out of being the main character on this show."

she's up in seconds, grinning, all fatigue gone as she practically prances back towards the car, only turning back to yell at you to hurry up.

you beam at her, running to catch up, laughing and smiling, just the two of you.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

sana's yelping when you cannonball into the deep end of the pool, splashing her with cold water in your wake.

"y/n!!"

you break the surface grinning and laughing, trying to splash more water on her.

"sto- stop! y/n oh my god-"

"hurry uppppppp! it's not cold if you get it over and done with!"

"no! i need to put on sunscreen first!"

"sunscreen? it's 4pm!"

"there are still UV rays at this time! i don't want to die from skin cancer and if you're a good girl you'll get out and let me put sunscreen on you too."

you narrow your eyes at her while she's lathering her legs with the white cream.

you decide to ignore her, diving into the pool and resurfacing a few times, splashing around by yourself while she takes her sweet time. to be honest, you're glad for the coolness the pool offers you, when sana first stepped out in her pale yellow bikini, you had felt your cheeks blush all the way up to the tips of your ears. you'd avoided her gaze quickly, instead opting for racing her outside and jumping in right away.

now that she wasn't watching you though, you couldn't help the way your eyes drifted over to her. she had finished with her legs and was now applying lotion to her arms. you traced the outline of her-

"y/n!"

you startle in the water, and she's looking at you curiously when you make a sort of weird strangled sound and water goes swashing around. "y-yeah?" you clear your throat, hoping you weren't as red as you felt.

"can you help with my back? i can't reach." she's looking at you with a dangerous pout, eyes pleading.

you mumble incoherently as you swim towards the shallow end, stepping out of the pool and grabbing the sunscreen bottle from her, gesturing for her to turn around while she grins at you.

you squirt some of the lotion onto your hand, rubbing it diligently into her back. you knew how much she cared for her skin, and even though you cared significantly less for your own, it mattered to her so you had to make sure you did a good job.

the problem arose when you started reaching her lower back. the pressure you've been applying becomes considerably less when you realise just how close you are to sana's ass. sana's very very attractive ass, only emphasised in these bikini bottoms.

"feeling shy y/n?"

"s-shut up."

"you can do my ass too if you want y'know. it's not like it's anything you haven't felt before."

you can picture the cheeky smirk on her face while you recap the sunscreen bottle after you're finished. and really, you just felt like you had to do something about that so before you know it, a hand's coming down and smacking her, a loud resounding slap followed closely by sana's yelp.

you're jumping back into the pool, trying to push the image of her cheeks rippling in the most perfect way to the very back of your mind.

when you break the surface again with a bubbly laugh she's still standing by the side of the pool, arms crossed and an unimpressed look on her face.

"did you just spank me y/n?"

you stick your tongue out her in defiance, sending a splash of water her way.

"oh you are so dead!" she's jumping in now, and you're scrambling away trying to put as much distance between you two as possible. but she closes in quickly, tackling you underwater and pulling you down so you're both submerged.

you're grinning and then you're laughing, but not in a good way because her fingers are at your sides tickling you and digging into all of the sensitive points in your body she's discovered over the time you've known each other.

you spend the next few minutes trying to one up one another, droplets of water flying everywhere, noisy screeches and laughs sounding out. you're lucky this mansion of a house was situated in the valleys with no neighbours or you most definitely would've gotten a noise complaint.

eventually, you decide to call a truce, cheeks sore from smiling, stomach sore from laughing. you float onto your back, closing your eyes and letting out a loud sigh in comfort. you can feel sana floating next to you, your heads next to each other, hearts beating in tandem.

she’s speaking up after a minute, "cats or dogs?"

you snort, "i don't mind."

you can hear the whine in her voice, "just pick one."

you hum thinking about it for a little, "whatever suits my lifestyle better i guess. if i'm really busy with work or i have to stay home a lot then probably a cat. but if i have a big backyard or something then probably a dog. knowing me though, i'll probably end up with cats. i'm too lazy to keep up with the energy dogs have."

"not with me though right?"

"what? of course not with you. also, you're not a dog sana."

"people say i look like a shiba inu."

"that's not the same thing."

she giggles a little before sighing, "you suit cats. okay. it's decided. we're getting a cat when we go home."

"huh?!"

she's breaking into high-pitched laughter again and you can only find yourself to be slightly concerned over whether she's being serious or not. you could deal with that at a much later date though. you drift back into a comfortable silence, listening to the sounds of the night wildlife slowly wake up in the valleys next to you.

"y/n?"

"hmm?"

"i love you."

your eyes are opening now, heart rate picking up. there's no reason to panic right? she meant it as a friend. a friend. so why was it so hard to say it back to her? as a friend?

instead, you say, "enjoy our date that much minatozaki?"

she doesn't respond with the same teasing tone you're expecting, "i really did." all honest and pure.

you're gulping, "...me too."

you know she's standing when you feel light waves push against your body, so you lift yourself up, looking at her puzzled, but she only goes to stand in front of you, grabbing your arms and wrapping them around her waist.

you let her, squeezing slightly and dropping your head onto her shoulder, your eyes drinking in the pinks and oranges of the sunrise.

"you're not gonna say it back?"

you stiffen behind her, "what?"

"you know what."

she's tightening her hold around you even before you try to subconsciously escape.

you let out an almost-laugh breath, "...i love you too sana."

"was that so hard?" she's turning now, pupils dilated when they meet yours, pink lips slightly parted, noses almost touching.

you're shaking your head no, breath caught up in your throat.

a crinkle appears between her eyebrows, you have the urge to smooth it out, "are you lying?"

another shake of your head.

you feel her breath against your lips as she lets out a soft exhale, the tightening of her hands against your forearms helping ground you, if only slightly.

"i hope one day you'll be able to tell me the truth." you're confused, what was she talking about? "for now i guess this is fine." and then she's leaning in and pressing her lips against yours.

its almost an automatic reaction now. your mouth is moving against hers even before your brain registers you're kissing.

she's sweet, she always is. but this kiss is a little different. it's not filled with passion or heat, not like all your previous kisses that have always led to tangled limbs and heavy breaths. it's soft, tender, like she's trying to tell you something with her lips. you just weren't particularly versed in this form of sana communication yet to be able to tell what that was.

when she breaks away, the sun is dipping behind the horizon, her forehead leaned against yours, breaths coming in shorter after the lack of air.

she shivers a little when a cool gust of wind starts up.

"inside?" you ask.

she nods, letting you go, and following you out of the pool to dry off.

the rest of the night, even when you end up sprawled on messy sheets, sweat coating your bodies and arms around each other, your lips still tingle from her kiss in the pool. you fall asleep dreaming of small kittens, ice-cream, and sana.

#sana #minatozaki sana #twice sana #sana x reader #sana x f!reader #sana x fem!reader #twice x reader #twice x f!reader #twice x fem!reader #twice imagines #sana imagines #royaltozaki

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theemissuniverse · 8 months

Text

“DIFFERENT WORLD” RAIDEN X GRUMPY FEM!READER (GRUMPY X SUNSHINE)

SUMMARY : of the HIGHEST keys based on that one episode of that 70s show. If you know then you know. But basically Raiden’s date talks shit about him and you punch her and then you and raiden go on a date

WARNINGS : (MDNI)! unsafe p in v, cumming inside, f receiving oral, sub!raiden, softdom!reader, dirty talk, face riding, slight breeding kink, maybe some other stuff I forgot

A/N: it’s so hard to write smut when you’re not in the mood lmao

MASTERLIST

Raiden had the biggest crush on you. It was obvious to you and everyone but in his defense, he was trying to get over you.

In Outworld, Empress Mileena was having an event at the palace so you and your Earthrealm friends were invited.

Raiden had actually brought a date. Her name was Stacy and she was the newest recruit to the Wu Shi Academy.

You couldn’t stand their relationship. Something inside of you hated the thought of Raiden being with another woman.

But why did you care? You didn’t even like him. (Or so you thought.)

Raiden excused himself from the group. He gave Stacy a kiss on the cheek and walked away to speak to Liu Kang.

It was just you and Stacy with your fellow Earthrealm friends behind you a little ways. “So, you and Raiden huh?” You asked, trying to be nice.

Stacy smiled at you. “Yeah isn’t he something?”

The tone she had was condescending. You didn’t like it. “Sure.”

“It’s just sometimes, I kinda hate it when he talks. He’s like so overly nice.”

You laughed understanding where she was coming from. “Yeah, I hear you on that one.”

Stacy shrugged a little. “I mean but I figure it’s all worth it if he buys me whatever I want.”

That statement kind of bothered you. Even though Raiden was annoyingly nice, you didn’t think he deserved for someone to use him. “You gotta think about that. I mean, Raiden doesn’t really get into relationships-“

“That’s not surprising.” Stacy told you. When you looked at her confused, she laid it out clear as day for you. “I mean, he’s an idiot.”

Something about that bothered you. You had no idea why it bothered you so much. The way she insulted Raiden made your skin boil.

You felt your fist clench into a ball. That’s when you knew you couldn’t stop your anger. “Ah no…”

Stacy looked at you confused. You had took one step back and then a step forward. You swung your fist in the air and connected it with her face.

She fell to the ground. Knocked out cold. Your Earthrealm friends that were around you looked at you and gasped. “Holy shit…” Johnny said.

Raiden came back to the scene and you mentally cursed at yourself. “(Y/N), what happened?!”

You were still in shock that you had actually done that. “Just somebody…and the girl said ‘idiot’ then it was nothing.”

Raiden looked at Stacy and then back at you trying to piece it together. He then let out a short gasp as he had mentally put the puzzle pieces together. “She called me an idiot and you hit her didn’t you?”

You looked at him full of regret at what you had just did. You did not want to make it known that you had punched a girl for Raiden. “No…” Raiden was smiling like a school kid in love. You rolled your eyes and pushed past him. “Move.”

You did not have feelings for him. You couldn’t.

You made it to the buffet. Mileena was standing right next to you. “(Y/N), I saw what happened. Is your lover okay?”

When she had said that, you turned to her annoyed. “My lover?”

“Yeah that infuriatingly humble one you’re always hanging around with.” She tried to think of the name and it suddenly came to her. “Oh. Raiden.”

This could not be happening. “He’s not my ‘lover’, Empress.”

“Are you sure?”

The fact that Mileena of all people was saying this annoyed you to no end. “Yes I’m sure. I don’t like him. He’s humble, and nice, and caring, and too sunshine’s and rainbows. He’s everything that I hate.”

Mileena looked at you as if she didn’t understand. “But (Y/N), I thought you hated everything.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

“Well maybe it means you like him because I kinda think you do.”

You were putting your foot down with this. There was no way in a million years that you could ever like Raiden. The two of you weren’t compatible at all. “No. How could I like him? Because I don’t like him. Because I can’t like him. Empress Mileena, if I like him-stab me.”

Mileena took out her sai that was in her waistband and motioned to you. “Which arm do you wish for me to stab?”

You gave her a very irritated look. No. You were gonna prove you did not have feelings for Raiden. One way or another.

You marched away from the buffet and walked over to Raiden and the rest of your Earthrealm friends. Stacy was nowhere to be in sight. “Raiden come on. We’re going on a freaking date.”

Raiden choked on the drink. All your Earthrealm friends turned to you in shock. Kung Lao patted Raiden’s back to help the drink go down more smoothly. “I’m sorry. What did you say?” Raiden asked as he could not believe you had said it.

“Come on before I change my mind.” You did not need to tell Raiden twice. Raiden was immediately out his seat and rushing out the palace with you.

You and Raiden were actually back in Earthrealm. Raiden had made suggestions where the two of you could go out on the way and he tried to pick the most romantic places he possibly could.

Obviously you were not into that at all and instead you settled with watching a movie at your place. Raiden did not refuse.

You didn’t even know if this was going to work. The two of you were complete opposites. How would this ever work?

The two of you watched the horror movie and ate the popcorn in the bowl. You guys had barely spoke.

“This is the best date I’ve ever been on.” Raiden said.

When he had said that, you gave him a look. “Raiden, we haven’t talked for thirty minutes.”

Raiden shrugged, not bothered. “That’s okay. I don’t mind. I understand you.”

You raised a brow at him. “Oh? You understand me?”

He nodded. “You’re probably thinking…I can’t believe I’m giving this idiot a chance. The guy that really, really likes me. And you’re probably wondering…how could this ever work? We’re completely different. Maybe he’ll break my heart.”

Everything he had said was true. Up until the last part. You sighed some and leaned back a little. “Maybe I’ll break your heart.” Raiden turned to look at you when you said that. “Raiden, I’m tough. I’m not really the ideal girlfriend you bring home to mom and dad and…I’m selfish, I’m cold, and sometimes I just completely shut down. You won’t be able to handle it.”

Raiden stayed silent. He grabbed your hand and rubbed it gently. “I think you’re being too hard on yourself.” You looked at his hand on yours. Raiden saw your eyes and thought you were uncomfortable. So he took his hand away. “I’m sorry.”

Secretly, you liked the way Raiden was so sweet. Especially towards you. It was a relief to your cold nature.

You scooted closer to Raiden. You grabbed his arm and made him wrap the arm around you shoulders. Raiden smiled at you. “Don’t get too happy.”

Raiden chuckled and turned back to the movie. “Never.”

The two of you continued to watch the movie. Raiden had jumped at a jump scare, spilling the popcorn. You had laughed at him. “You’re such a wuss.”

Raiden cleared his throat, adjusting himself. “I am not.”

“Yes you are. Earthrealm’s champion can’t handle a scary movie?”

“It was surprising not scary.”

“Whatever you say.”

Raiden’s smile did not break. “You know, the more you talk the more annoyed I get.”

You gasped at him, hitting him in his chest. “I am not annoying. You’re annoying.”

“I don’t think so.”

The two of you stared into each others eyes. It was like time had stopped. Raiden cupped the left side of your face as he stared into your eyes like he was seeing your soul.

He had looked more beautiful to you than any other time you had seen him and you couldn’t explain why.

The two of you leaned in and kissed.

Raiden tasted like sweet chapstick and buttery popcorn. It was addicting. You had brought your own hand to reach for the back of his neck and pulled him deeper.

The sweet kiss you two shared quickly turned sloppy. You took the lead and were licking over his bottom lip and biting on it.

Raiden moaned at you biting on his lip. You started to suck his bottom lip and when you released, it made a ‘popping’ noise.

The two of you pulled away and just looked at each other.

That was the best kiss you ever had.

You immediately removed the popcorn from his lap and placed it on the table. You then got on top of his lap and started to make out with him then.

Raiden’s hands snaked up along side your back. You kissed him full of anticipation and hunger. The hat he wore knocked off of him.

Your hips started to grind into Raiden’s private and he groaned at the sensation. “Wait a second.” Raiden pulled away from your lips and looked at you. “Are we really doing this?”

“Do you not want to?”

“No, no, no. I do.” When he said that, you started to kiss his neck. “I just want to make sure-oh-that you want to.”

“Yes. One hundred percent.” You pulled away from his neck and went to take your shirt off. When you did it left you in your red bra.

Raiden stared at you like you were the only woman in the world. He felt his mouth become watery. His hands rested on your hips as you grinder them into him. He threw his head back in pleasure.

You moaned a little as your clit felt some friction through your shorts.

Raiden picked you up and laid you on the couch so he was on top of you. He gripped onto your shorts and looked at you for confirmation. “Is this okay?” You nodded to him and he took them off of you. Then he took your underwear off.

He licked his fingers making sure they were really wet before placing the fingers against your clit. He was surprised to see you were already wet for him.

“If you say some cheesy line of how I’m already wet for you, I’m gonna stab you.”

He chuckled at what you said and just started to rub your clit in circles. You moaned at him. Raiden moved slow but effective.

Raiden leaned down and kissed you on the lips. You moaned in his mouth. He felt himself grow in his pants but he wasn’t concerned with himself at the moment. He was concerned with you.

His lips went to your neck and you moaned at how sweet he was kissing you. Like you were made of glass.

You didn’t want to wait for Raiden anymore. You wanted him now. “I’m ready. Come on.”

Raiden stopped rubbing your clit and stuck his fingers in your pussy to check for a reaction if you were tight. When he didn’t receive one, he pumped his fingers just a little before taking them out of you. Then he licked all over his fingers.

He found your taste to be delicious. He wasn’t expecting for you to taste that good.

Instead of Raiden undressing himself, he went in between your legs and started to eat you out.

You gasped at the sudden feeling of Raiden’s tongue on your throbbing pussy. He did slow like licks before mercilessly sucking your clit like he was in love with you.

Your hand’s immediately pulled at his hair. He was sucking your swollen clit so much that you were trying to pull away from him.

Raiden held your thighs to keep you in place. He was moaning at the taste of you and Raiden moaning in between your legs made you moan.

“Raiden. Oh god.”

He kept eating you as if it was his last meal. He couldn’t get enough. Raiden needed more.

The champion pulled out from your heat and looked up at you. “Sit on my face.”

You were a little stunned by his request. You definitely weren’t expecting that. Especially with his shy nature. “What?”

“I want you to sit on my face.” Raiden repeated like he said the most normal thing in the world.

You blinked a little but followed his request. You stood up from the couch and Raiden laid down on his back. Then you hovered your pussy over his face.

You were a little scared that you were gonna crush him but Raiden forced you to sit fully on him. His hands rested on your ass and thighs and he began to eat you out again.

This was a position you were not familiar with but you loved it none the less. Raiden had more access to slurp all your juices.

Your nails gripped onto the couch. Raiden was eating you like he was going to die the next day. Again, Raiden was moaning at the taste of your pussy.

He moved down some. Then he grabbed your hips and positioned your body where your clit could be in contact with his nose and he made you ride his face.

You gasped slightly at this. You tried to help him as much as you could but the sensitivity you had with your clit that was constantly pushing up against Raiden’s nose was too much.

Raiden noticed this and did mainly all of the work. He guided your hips to rock back and forth constantly. “Oh my god. Raiden. Please.”

He moaned at your begging. That gave him enough motivation. He was going to make you cum all over his mouth.

Riding his face was sending you over the top. You felt the feeling come into your stomach. “Oh my god. Please Raiden. I’m almost there.”

He didn’t break his pace and kept going. Hoping you would cum all in his mouth. When your clit hit his nose the last time, it was over. “Oh yes. Yes. Yes.”

Raiden kept grinding your hips onto his face until you were done with your orgasm. Though he didn’t stop. He kept licking every part of you even when you were done.

You shuddered at the sensitivity. “No more.” You got up from his face and stood up.

Raiden was slightly disappointed as he still wanted to eat you out. He sat up on the couch. You bent down in front of him and started to take his pants off. “What are you doing?”

“Playing the harmonica.” You stated sarcastically. When you pulled off his pants, you were about to take his underwear off but he stopped you.

“I’m okay.”

You gave him a look. He didn’t want you to give him head? You took his underwear off anyway. Then you sat on his lap. “Well I want to ride you. Is that okay with you?”

Before he could even get a word in, you slid your pussy on his dick. Raiden moaned at the sensation of your pussy clutching onto him like a glove.

You gave him a few kisses on the lips and then started to move on him. Raiden gripped onto your hips and helped you move on top of him. “Oh my. (Y/N).”

You went a bit faster on him. Raiden was in a panting mess. So much so that he couldn’t even concentrate on you moving on him anymore. “That’s right baby. Say my name.”

Raiden didn’t know he was going to be this much of a moaning mess under you. He thought he could be at least slightly dominant but he couldn’t. He was completely and utterly submissive to you.

The more your pussy clenched on him, the closer Raiden felt to his release. “(Y/N). Just like that. Don’t stop.”

“Aw, you wanna cum baby?”

“Please. Please, (Y/N).”

“Tell me how much you need me and I’ll think about it.”

Raiden should’ve known you would do this to him. His grip on your hips softened up as he was a complete mess under you. “I need you so bad. Please, (Y/N). I need to.”

You kissed all over his neck and sucked on all his sweet spots. He moaned loudly at all your touches. “So needy.” You said in his neck.

Raiden felt a little embarrassed because you had just started and he was already almost there. “Oh gods. I can’t.”

“Yes you can baby. Go ahead and cum in me. Make me a mama.”

That sent Raiden over the edge. He moaned loudly as he came hard. You rode him completely until he was done cumming.

You got up from him. You grabbed your panties and started to put them on.

Raiden sat there for a moment and looked at you curiously. “So does that mean…?”

“Yes, we’re together.” You placed your shirt over your head. “I don’t do flowers, hand holding, and don’t get me anything romantic.”

Raiden was excited that you were actually giving him a chance. He started to pull his underwear and pants up. “Got it.”

“Good.” When you finished putting your clothes on, you looked at him. “Also, I’m getting a Plan B. I was just chatting about being a mama.”

Raiden chuckled a little. “I figured.”

This relationship would be interesting…

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat x reader #mortal kombat 1 #mk #raiden #raiden x reader #mk raiden #mk x reader #mk1 #mk 1 x reader #kung lao #liu kang #johnny cage #mileena #mk smut

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showtoonzfan · 9 months

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Now that the episode is out officially, here’s my rant review of Oops!

PROS:

- Fizz and Ozzie were adorable and I honestly love them. Despite the sex jokes, you can tell they love each other for who they are OUTSIDE of sex. While I did wish we would have seen more, (like how Ozzie took him in and fell in love) they’re still adorable to watch. They’re the better version of Stolitz, can the show be about them instead?

- Brandon’s voice acting holy shit, he really knows how to sound like he’s in tears or is broken. As much as I hate the character and feel no sympathy, he displayed genuine and broken emotion very well.

- Alex Brightman Alex Brightman

Okay that’s it. Moving on to the Cons. Bear with me, it’s a lot and I go back and forth a bit. 😭

CONS:

So for a quick short summary, this episode:

- Once again puts more focus on the filler plot rather than actually focusing on the relationships between the characters, so all we're left with is a 10 second clip of Fizz being burned while the rest of the episode is surrounded on sex jokes/petty bickering and Stolas and Ozzie sitting around.

- Completely erases what made Blitz and Fizz's dynamic interesting in the first place because it retcons it with a dumb miscommunication trope about how Fizz actually wanted to see Blitz and Blitz tried reaching out to him. Not only does this feel like a cheap attempt to make Blitz out to be sweet/sympathetic and NOT the one in the wrong so Fizz can suck up to him, but this also makes no sense within the narrative.

- Has Fizz forgive Blitz despite him being the last person anyone would think would forgive him. (So honestly ruins Fizz himself because it turned him into a soft boy who's forgiving compared to the asshole he was in Ozzie's) All because Viv would sell her whole soul before she even remotely considers painting characters like Blitz and Stolas out to be the one's in the wrong.

- Takes Stolas out of the hospital completely, erasing all the drama/tension Western Energy had and proves that that episode was utterly pointless.

- Turns Striker from an interesting complex villain to a Saturday morning cartoon goon.

- Proves to us that Crimson is just a flat tool and gives us more prove that the world building rules Viv set up in season 1 legit don't matter.

-Ruins Blitz/Barbie's feud now because now you're making Barbie look like the one in the wrong since the fire was an accident. God forbid a female characters emotions in this show are justified.

But if you want my more in depth rants, it’s under the cut! (There’s a lot so bear with me lol)

- As usual WAAY too many sex jokes and swearing. It gets annoying and repetitive at times and some of them distract from the main plot. There’s a long and I mean LONNG dragged out joke of Fizz talking about Ozzie’s dick, then later saying he’s hard when Striker has a gun to his head, as well as Blitz making a joke about him and Fizz making out once they hug. Again, Viv can’t be serious for 2 seconds without an unfunny shitty gag. I genuinely wonder if Hazbin is ganna be like this, where a character is in a life threatening situation or a deep dark serious scene happens only for the next scene to be sex related.

- This is one of those “shit happens because the plot demands it” and it shows. Crimson and Striker COINCIDENTLY meet up with each other, and Fizz and Blitz just so HAPPEN to be in the same exact area they are. Viv wonders why we call her shit a fanfic and this is what we mean, when she creates wild wacky plots and focuses more on THAT rather than the actual character writing. This entire episode hinges on a useless poorly last minute planned kidnapping plot that didn’t need to happen. Also way to once again make the characters idiots so the plot can happen, cause Fizz KNOWS Ozzie worries for him and that the Greed Ring is dangerous, yet purposefully puts the spotlight on him.

- Stolas did NOT need to be in this episode. The plot completely ignores the fact that he was in the hospital the last time we saw him, and he’s only here for Stolitz banter. You’d think that a character admitting they have feelings for someone would be a big deal but he just flat out says it and it’s so underwhelming and feels half assed with no weight to it. Fan comics have made more dedication to this than Viv has. We're supposed to believe him too despite the show failing to actually SHOW us this. Same for Blitz ranting about how “nice” Stolas has been to him, laughing at his jokes and liking his posts…hey Viv, can we actually SEE that on screen so it’s more believable? Or are you only determined to show them sexually flirting? 😑

- Once again Viv felt the need to shove a B plot into this episode and this one sucks because it’s just two characters sitting and doing fucking nothing. It felt like Viv had no idea what to do with Stolas and Ozzie, and I refuse to believe that Ozzie just sat there knowing Fizz was in danger. If anything he would have said “fuck the paperwork” and went to save Fizz himself. Way to show that gif of Ozzie getting mad as a sneak peak to get fans excited, only to see that Ozzie spends the rest of the episode sitting in a dark room LMAO what a let down.

- Ozzie is weirdly chill and cool with Stolas and it’s something I don’t get. While he did say that Stolas had the real “spirit of Lust” in S1E7, it still gave you the impression that he was also more poking fun at Stolas rather than respecting him. The whole point of House of Asmodeous was that Ozzie outs him and publicly embarrassed him. Stolas literally was intimidated just by Asmodeous’s mere name, and hid his face around him. It seemed like Stolas certainly didn’t want someone like Ozzie to know about his private life especially since they’re both part of the Ars Goetia. Now here Ozzie is just cool with him and it feels like a missed opportunity for their dynamic.

- Stolas confessing his feelings about Blitz also makes…no sense narrative wise. I thought the whole point of The Circus and the ending to Western Energy was that he was realizing that Blitz didn’t like him that way and was finally waking up. I thought that’s why he was doing this whole crystal deal in the first place, so he can let Blitz go, yet the show keeps flip flopping and insisting that these two love each other and are good for each other. It’s really making you realize how this season and the previous stuff set up is becoming nonsense because the writers retcon EVERY damn episode. Also….why the hell is Stolas telling Ozzie his feelings for Blitz? Out of all people, why is it Ozzie, the person who outed Stolas and embarrassed him. Why is Stolas even respectful of Ozzie? He has no reason to, and he’s not under the impression that he’s dating Fizz either. I get that he needs the crystal but mentioning his love for Blitz makes no sense.

- Striker and Crimson teaming up to kidnap Blitz and Fizz was such an ass puller last minute decision. It feels overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time, more because it feels like Viv has no idea what to do with these two villain characters other than give them something evil to do to start the plot. Also…why…are they working together? It feels so random.

- Striker’s character especially is all over the place. First he’s working for Stella, then he’s painted as the best assassin in hell, and now he’s…looking for more work I guess and working for Crimson? Why? Does this guy even have a motive anymore? It feels like his character is just dangling around until Viv wants to use him for another wattpad kidnap plot and it ESPECIALLY shows when Striker escapes for the THIRD fucking time. Can this character/storyline actually GO somewhere or are you just going to keep introducing him and have him run away. 🤦🏽‍♀️

— How did Crimson not know who Striker is despite him being labeled as “the most popular assassin in hell”, and how the hell does Crimson know Ozzie and know all the information about him being in a relationship with Fizz?? Oh right because we needed the plot to happen somehow. Still, even if Crimson did know that Ozzie was the "weakest" and loved Fizz, (which….what about Beezlebub?)) he still should have known he was playing with fire. I get that he's supposed to be evil and intimidating but how could he have predicted that Ozzie would actually stand down and fill out the paperwork? He could have immediately came there and killed Crimson for all he knew. It's just distracting how..not planned this shit was.

- Fuck this episode for calling Striker a supremacist. It makes no sense?? Viv is trying SO hard to villainize him despite him being the one in the right and it pisses me off. He has every right to be mad at the upper class, he’s part of the lower class that we’re said Hell takes advantage of, but god forbid we call out Rich and powerful Stolas because that would mean he’s a b-bad person and we can’t have that complex morality! This is so not a “eat the rich” story and it shows bc Vivzie is rich as hell. Striker as a character deserves so much better man. Congrats writers, you had an interesting character and motive set up for him, now he’s nothing but a silly goon that you might as well kill off already cause you clearly don’t care about him. Crimson meanwhile is just a piece of paper, a boring plot device I could give less of a shit about. I thought his motive was to go after Moxxie, now he’s just doing fuck whatever because this show desperately wants a bad guy for their filler fanfic plots.

- We get more world building issues, Ozzie and Fizz are so determined to hide their relationship for obvious reasons, but then at the end of the episode just say “fuck it, no one would dare tell anyway”. So now they’re being open about their relationship and lmao I told y’all the newspaper scene of Ozzie being called out for being a hypocrite wouldn’t go anywhere. Even if Ozzie did threaten his workers to not tell, they can’t be so sure that someone wouldn’t see or snitch, it’s kinda a retcon too cause they were pretty lovey dovey in Ozzie’s. Still, it makes the characters look dumb and it makes the rules Viv set up for Hell once again not mean anything.

- We finally get to see Fizz’s backstory in action and it’s executed in the most underwhelming way possible. It’s literally a fucking 10 second clip of what went down, and rather than experiencing the event for ourselves, it’s in flashback mode but with Fizz’s voice talking over it. That’s it. I’ve seen fan comics/fanart that built this shit up better than Viv did, that actually took the slow time and dedication it needed, and here it feels like such an afterthought, like Viv could care less. Maybe if this actually was a character driven show like Viv claims, Stolas, Striker, and Crimson would be taken out of the picture and then that would leave us with PLENTY time to actually explore and develop Blitz/Fizz, bc most of this episode is just them pettily bickering and Stolas and Ozzie sitting around. But nah, we gatta have our fanfic kidnapping plot. Same goes for the reveal of Blitzo’s mom dying in the same fire. Glad to know that she got the same treatment Moxxie’s mom did, where we don’t even know her and yet we’re supposed to feel moved and care about her death. You nailed that one Viv. 👍

- I predicted that this episode would victimize Blitz and have the fire incident be an accident, (because Viv is a pussy writer and can’t make her characters actually do bad things like god forbid) but I never thought they’d actually have the balls to have Fizz forgive Blitz immediately in the same episode and pull the “actually turns out that horrible thing you did to me helped me in a way”- trope. Biggest flaw of the episode, fuck you Viv. I was actually going to applaud Blitz for taking accountability, but then the dialogue reminds you that an abuser wrote this, and he shifts his apology to “okay but I lost something too see so it’s not all about you” as if he’s fucking dismissing Fizz’s trauma and making it about himself. “I love flawed characters” my fucking ass. I would have smacked a bitch if I was Fizz because Blitzo loosing his mother in the fire too isn’t an excuse?? Fizz lost his fucking ARMS AND LEGS, and at the end of the day Blitzo STILL KNEW HE WAS HELPLESS IN THE FIRE BUT LEFT HIM BEHIND. He could have gotten help and came back, but didn’t. If this were a good show Fizz would have threw that apology back in Blitzo’s face and said “I don’t care if it was an accident or not, you still left me there and then proceeded to loathe me for years”. This is why Helluva will never be Bojack cause at least characters in that show who got treated horribly by him knew when to say “no, fuck you.”

- The episode retcons again, this time they make it out to be that Blitz TRIED contacting Fizz the years they were apart but no one would let him see him. Then they say that Fizz actually WANTED to see Blitz but assumed he didn’t want to, so their entire feud was solely because of miscommunication?? Number one, show don’t fucking tell omg. And number two, that makes ZERO sense. Blitz talked badly about Fizz in Loo Loo Land, and when they finally reunited in Ozzie’s, it was clear they fucking loathed each other. You got the impression that Blitz was petty and jealous just because Fizz was more popular, and Fizz not only loathed him for the accident, but liked to rub in his face about how much of a big shot he was. They literally do that in this episode too, so the episode is literally contradicting itself. Blitz and Fizz had multiple chances to meet up with each other, you can’t just say “oh they couldn’t because no one would let them”- So which is it? Did they hate each other because of bad blood, petty drama, or that they thought the other didn’t want to see them? Pick ONE Viv and stick to it, but she never does. Their feud was interesting and now you ruined it just to have some sweet happy ending. “Adult mature show” my ass lol.

-Bottom line is Fizz shouldn’t have forgave Blitz so easily, or forgave him period. I find it funny how he says “it’s hard to just forgive you” and then he literally does lol. I feel so bad for Fizz fans, him and Blitz’s feud was honestly interesting, so to see all of this go down in a half-assed piss poor way as if this was Care Bears is….wow. The fan interpretations had more thought and care put into this storyline but what else is new lol.

- I’m really tired of these shitty annoying songs. If you’re going to get Broadway actors, please put effort into your songwriting and actually have them sing something good, not something that’s literally nonsense. This Fizz song sounds like it took less than a minute to write and Sam Haft was just thinking of anything he could think of at the top of his head. Also Why the fuck are Striker and Crimson just STANDING there while Fizz sings. They look like idiots, just SHOOT them omg. If this were a funny show, Fizz would have started his first note and Crimson just rolls his eyes and pulls his gun out.

- Fizz and Ozzie kill the lawyer but not…Crimson? Despite Fizz knowing what ring he’s in and even Ozzie knowing what he looks like? Same for Blitz, he doesn’t try to make sure Striker is dead. I get that the plot demands for these two to still be around, but there’s a way to keep them alive without making the main characters look like fucking idiots. Also Stolas just leaves without doing or contributing anything to the plot yay.

- Fizz: “Let him have it, you could say he’s earned it”— Uhm….Nope. Blitz did NOT earn shit. He didn’t even earn Fizz’s forgiveness. Last time I checked, the moment Blitz cried and said it was an accident, Fizz forgave him, knowing he didn’t mean it. What effort did Blitz do to “earn” that as well as the crystal? Because he saved Fizz and didn’t leave him behind for the SECOND time near the end?? Cause if so than the bar is extremely low. That’s the bare minimum, just because Blitz cried and felt bad about it doesn’t mean he should be let off the hook Viv. I hate this so much, what a shitty conclusion, it feels forced just so Blitz can have the crystal and just so the writers can once again paint him as the one in the right. It’s almost insulting that they make it seem like Fizz was in the wrong for assuming Blitz starting the fire too, same for Barbie.

God what a shitty day it is to be a Fizz fan, I’m sorry. The episode did NOT do him justice. Fizzarolli deserved better than that half assed gaslighting apology for someone who lost their arms and legs man, and I’m tired of the show letting every character suck up to Blitz and Stolas for their horrible treatment just because they feel bad. Not only that but the episode (as most recent HB episodes) was a huge time waster. Everyone was really hoping for an in depth walkthrough of his character/backstory but again, when he’s not with Ozzie, the rest/most of his screen time is dedicated to him being helpless and pointlessly arguing with Blitz, plus a long dragged out nonsense song that didn’t need to happen. It felt like SO much time was wasted when we could have used the runtime we have to dive deeper and see more, like….again it would have been nice to see Fizz’s life AFTER the accident and how he became well known as well as how he fell in love with Ozzie, but his backstory is briefly scratched upon in a single scene and that’s it, all because Viv wanted this filler plot and wanted to dedicate more time to THAT rather than actual character expansion/development, something we could have got had you took out Stolas and Ozzie’s B plot and Striker and Crimson.

Viv is so on her way to murder/ruin every character that isn’t Blitz and Stolas and I won’t be here to watch further. I’ll check out the Mammon music video thing but that’s it man, this show is going off the rails, Adding Fizz to the character adoption list!

#vivziepop critical #spindlehorse critical #helluva boss critical #helluva boss critique #helluva boss criticism #helluva critical #anti vivziepop #helluva boss #fizzaroiii #fizzaroli helluva boss #helluva boss oops #helluva boss review #vivziepop criticism

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piratecaptainscaptainpirates · 5 months

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Actually now that I'm thinking about it, the people in charge of picking the needle drops in OFMD understood the fucking assignment. Literally every one feels like it could be written into the script. It's genuinely amazing.

"High on a Rocky Ledge" being about taking a leap of faith into a new life, playing after Stede has decided his family is here at sea? Inspired.

"The Empty Boat" perfectly encapsulating Ed's despair at where he is in life and feeling of treading water?

"Perfect Day" is amazing on so many levels; it's nails how Ed's perfect day is falling apart as he's rowing away, it says "you made me think I was someone else, someone good," and if that's not an Ed line I don't know what the fuck is, and then "you're gonna reap just what you sow" demonstrating how Stede feels like going back to his family is a punishment? Fucking incredible.

"Avalanche" just nailing Ed's descent back into the persona he hates; "these crumbs of love that you offer me, they're the ones I've left behind" as he has the crew throw Stede's things he so loved overboard.

"Run From Me" is just...wow. It's all been said before but holy shit wow. It makes Ed's feeling of despair as he looks longingly at the cake toppers and makes the choice to end his life so palpable, and then how we get the "run" repetition at the end of the episode, as the shift from the slow, sad, almost lullaby-esque start of the song to the ending that feels like Ed's desperation for things to be over just pounding through the scene?

"Seabird" is my favorite, probably - "lonely seabird, you've been away from land too long" playing as Ed returns to the ship with Stede after his impossible bird speech is just incredible.

It's honestly incredible. Not a single flop. You can take a selection of any songs used in this show and analyze the fuck out of them and you will find things to echo the themes and what characters are going through. Now whenever I hear needle drops in other shows/movies I'm just like ":/ more effort please"

#ofmd #our flag means death

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lovelyjj · 10 months

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Can you write a JJ maybank x reader where reader lived in the outer banks her whole life, but is kind of scared of water when it comes to swimming (basically can’t swim) and on a boat or at a beach party or something someone jokingly shoves her into the water and no one’s doing anything bc it’s like, how could she not know how to swim? But JJ catches on and saves her? That would be amazinggg ❤️

Diver Down

jj maybank x reader

wc: 1,027

**some dialogue from season 1: episode 1**

The weather was nice making it a good day to go out on the boat. The sun was warm on your skin and the air was crisp. After John B picked everyone up, you and the pogues were ready for a boat day.

You sailed through the marsh and JJ said, "Let me show you a party trick."

"I got this. It's gonna work."

JJ than proceeded to hold his beer bottle out in front of him, rim pointed at his mouth and had his mouth open.

The beer flew everywhere and you were laughing.

Suddenly, the boat came to abrupt halt and JJ was flung off the boat.

"Jesus Pope!" Kie exclaimed.

After you recovered from sliding forward you asked, "You okay JJ?"

"I think my heels touched the back of my head," JJ commented.

"You ok y/n?" John B asked.

"I'm fine. Thanks."

"Pope, what did you do?" JJ questioned.

"Sandbar. The channel changed." Pope said.

"No shit." JJ exclaimed.

Pope was standing up staring at the water when he said,"Guys I think there's a boat down there."

"Shut up."

"No way."

"No, no, guys. I'm serious. There's a boat down there."

"It's a boat," Pope pointed.

"Holy shit, he's right. let's go." Kiara commented.

Everyone jumped into the water to go and check out the boat. You stayed where you were sitting on the HMS pogue.

When everyone resurfaced from the water they were all buzzed.

"You guys saw that right." JJ exclaimed.

"Yeah I did." Kiara voiced.

"That's a Grady-White. A new one of those is like 500 Gs, easy." JJ announced.

Everyone climbed back on the boat.

"Why didn't you come down with us?" Kiara asked.

"I didn't want to get my hair wet," you lied.

Kiara looked at you skeptical but then let it go.

John b was digging out the anchor when JJ announced, "Well, i'm not resuscitating you. I'm just making that clear up front."

You started getting up to see John B dive but what you didn't expect was to see him making his way towards you.

"Diver down," John B speaks. Then he pushed you into the water.

You were in the middle of saying "what" when you were pushed into the water. Your words drown out by the splash.

Everyone was laughing and waiting for you to surface. However, you were struggling and no one seemed to notice except JJ.

You were slipping under the water and it was filling into your mouth making it hard to breathe.

"Y/N!" "Y/N!" JJ called out to you.

But you were drowning and couldn't hear JJ let alone answer him.

JJ saw the situation unfold and was quick to dove into the water to save you. JJ swam out to you. When he reached you he started to panic. He didn't know what to do or how to help.

When he saw you submerged under the water he acted on instinct. He swiftly came to your rescue. He got a hold of you in the water and lifted you up.

"Stay with me y/n. Stay with me." JJ yelled.

JJ carried you to the boat. Somewhat struggling to swim with you in his arms. Kiara had her hand out and you took it. She hoisted you up back on the boat.

JJ got himself back on the boat.

"Holy shit y/n i'm so sorry." John B apologized.

You were bent over coughing up a storm.

"It's okay John B you didn't know." Your voice came out hoarse.

"You scared the shit out of me." JJ expressed.

You gave JJ a exasperated look.

"JB your an idiot!" JJ exclaimed.

"Hey man I really am sorry," John B trailed off.

JJ went in search of a blanket. When he found one he made his way over to you. He wrapped you up in a blanket and rubbed your arms over the blanket.

"Let me warm you up," JJ spoke.

"JJ your soaking wet too."

"Never mind that."

JJ came and sat down next to you. You felt grateful for JJ, grateful that he saved you. You found a new appreciation for him. He has always been there for you right when you needed him.

"Thank you for saving me J."

"It's no problem baby. I'm just glad your alright," JJ spoke.

baby.

He calls you that sometimes and it makes your stomach flip. You turned towards JJ and gave him one of your breathtaking smiles.

JJ's heart just about stopped from the way you were looking at him. When you were looking at him like that, how could he not be in love.

JJ put his arm around you and you snuggled into his warmth. The other pogues were distracted doing other things keeping their attention elsewhere, giving you two privacy.

With the pogues looking away, JJ released his arm around you and began to cup your face. He used his thumb to stroke your cheek. JJ's heart was palpitating and he was excited and eager to kiss you.

The kiss however was tentative and delicate. JJ placed his lips on yours so they were pressing against each other. You were both tasting one another.

The kiss than grew hungry and heated. Your lips moving against each other. Suddenly JJ slid his hand back into your hair. He tugged on the strands allowing your mouth to open in a gasp.

JJ's tongue entered your mouth in a needy rush. JJ was oozing confidence in the kiss. You were surprised when his tongue greeted you. Your tongues started to lap each other up.

Eventually, the need for air was increasing. You gently pulled back and took a big breath. Your cheeks were burning as you looked up at JJ.

JJ's palms were sweating. He removed his hand from your face and rested it on your knee.

"Y/n, I'm in love with you and I have been for so long I just could never find the right words or right time to tell you. I'm so sorry it took me so long."

"JJ your all I ever wanted. I love you too."

"Finally!" Kiara exclaimed.

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gentlebeardsbarngrill · 5 months

Text

01/19/2024 Crew Recap

TLDR; HoistTheAds; LubeAsACrew; CastAndCrew Reactions; Petition/Fundraiser Updates; TheCozyPirate Update; Taika Pictures; The back of Rhys' Naked Legs

Edit: Rhys put his reaction up after I had put this together and I missed it, see it here or on his IG while the Story is still up.

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There just isn't enough room on tumblr for the amount of crap that went down today, let me tell you.

Well, as many of you know, shit got real today with the #HoistTheAds campaign and #LubeAsACrew going live.

#HoistTheAds

Last night at 12 PM EST the 2 day , every 15 minute ad campaign that @renewasacrew set up with the money gathered from the ad fundraiser kicked off in timesquare. You can still view them here Expect our ad every hour at :00, :01, :02, :15, :38, :42, :50

Throughout the day you could see the plane messages:

The Trucks went by!

And probably the most exciting things were the reactions from the cast and crew over the billboard!

There were a LOT of reactions so bear with me, there will be a lot of pictures. Chaos Dad David Jenkins, Kristian Nairn, Samba Schutte, Madeleine Sami, Samba Schutte, Leslie Jones, Vico Ortiz, Linds Cantrell, Alex Sherman, Eroll Shand, David Fane and many more. Some sent messages, some just emojis.

One special one to point out was David Fane's adorable reactions:

Some good news too, apparently Chaos Dad was able to actually go to Time Square and see the billboard, but wasn't able to interact.

#LubeAsACrew

Then there was this crazy thing... LubeAsACrew, where the Social Media person for Astroglide did a simultaneous watch with everyone on twitter. Then live-tweeted the episodes. Some of the stuff that came from it.. was unhinged and so much fun. There was too much to get into so I'm just including some highlights, feel free to check out the thread here:

==== Articles ====

The billboards obviously got a lot of attention of the press because the amount of articles out today are nuts:

PinkNews: Our Flag Means Death fans buy huge Times Square advert to demand its return

Pride.com: Our Flag Means Death fans buy Times Square billboard to save the show

Them.Us: Our Flag Means Death Fans Bought a Billboard in Times Square to Demand Renewal

TV Insider: ‘Our Flag Means Death’ Fans Take Renewal Campaign to Times Square — David Jenkins Reacts

Gay Times: ‘Bracing for battle’: Our Flag Means Death fans rally together for season 3

Now This News: Its Flag Meant Death: The Uncertain Reality for Queer-Driven Shows in the Streaming Era

Popverse: Our Flag Means Death fans launch Times Square billboard (and more) in series renewal campaign

Marysue: ‘Our Flag Means Death’ Fans Have Really Made an Impression With This Effort To Save the Show

The Geekiary: Fans Fight To Save Our Flag Means Death From Doggie Heaven

==== Impacts / Stats ====

=Petition=

Up to 67K+! Holy crap yall! That's almost 7K today! Great job!

=Fundraisers=

Renew As a Crew for Rainbow Youth has almost met the $17K Goal everyone! Almost there!

OFFP Care for Gaza - up to almost $8300

===Twitter Trends/Stats===

Twitter trends got pretty high with all the hashtags. I tried to get pictures at peak times but Im sure there were move, so take these numbers with a grain of salt, they were probably more!

=== Hashtag Update ===

Looks like the hashtags today are the following, and as always emails, and instructions are here: #HoistTheAds #SaveOFMD #RenewAsACrew

= Stuff I Dont Have Categories For! =

Just some more industry info from our local @TheCozyPirate

And for whatever reason, Taika Archives came out with new Taika pictures today. So enjoy some black and white Taika.

Wow I actually reached my picture limit on this one, that's crazy.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Final note for the night-- I saw SO MANY OF YOU CALLING TODAY! And expressing your call anxiety and how you overcame it, and oh my gosh I just have to say you're all so friggn amazing! Stepping out of your comfort zone is scary as fuck and you did it anyway! Great job everyone! And if you haven't done so yet-- no worries, if you want to, you can, if you're not ready, that's okay too!

Other than that-- I've seen a lot of folks really taking a step back from the trolls and blocking/ignoring, great job all! Enjoy your celebration and happy times! Don't let the haters get to you. You are awesome and beautiful and we all continue to be so incredibly proud of this community! The Cast and Crew SAW you today as they have for days since all this started and they know we love them!

Now, I'll end with a picture of the backs of Rhys' legs (on the right) and a censored butt. Enjoy the muscles, I know I do.

#ofmd #our flag means death #stede bonnet #gentlebeard #edward teach #renew as a crew #rhys darby #save ofmd #blackbonnet #save our flag means death #our flag means us #hoist the ads #renewofmd #renewasacrew #renew ofmd #be a lighthouse #you air fine things well #ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps

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ronancexists · 4 months

Text

Hi everyone. I haven't been able to stop thinking about Hazbin Hotel since it came out. I just wanted to get this thought out there and share it with people to see if anyone else has been thinking about it or if it's just me.

So, we all know that Alastor has made a deal of his own, but we don't know with who. I know a lot of people theorize that it's Lilith, and I did too until I watched season 1 again, specifically episodes 7 & 8.

In episode 7, Alastor and Charlie finally make a deal. Alastor told Charlie that the exorcists can be killed, and return, she's going to owe him favors of his choosing in which she doesn't have to harm anybody. I was surprised he didn't want Charlie's soul, but considering she is the daughter of Lilith and Lucifer, Alastor probably didn't want to take the chance of incurring Lucifer's wrath in that way instead of the petty way he did in episode 5.

At first, I was thinking maybe he didn't want it because of a deal he made with Lilith where he couldn't harm Charlie and that's why he's invested in the hotel and in helping her, but then the lyric where he says "she's filled with potential that I could guide" suggests maybe he didn't want Charlie's soul because owning her soul wouldn't be helpful to him in accomplishing whatever he's plotting. Maybe he just really needs her and her power, and by owning her soul, he'd diminish her power. Kind of like with Husk.

Then, in episode 8, the finale song, Alastor has a line that goes "The constraints of my deal surely have a back door." That line in particular is what got me into analyzing Alastor and everything he's done so far. Him saying, or I guess singing, that could possibly mean he didn't make a deal with Charlie to hold it over Lilith. It means he still hasn't figured out a loophole to the deal he made, and I know a lot of people who are on board with the whole "Alastor and Lilith made a deal" theory think the reason he wanted to make a deal with Charlie was to use it to get off of Lilith's leash. But that line he sings could mean that he wanted Charlie to make a deal with him for another reason and that he still has a lot of work to do in discovering a way he could get out of his own.

After all, we are all well aware of the fact that all the songs serve a purpose in moving the story along. Not to mention that they're all freaking bangers. Which is why that lyric has started this whole "What if..." thing with Alastor and the leash Husk revealed he's on.

That being said, it's definitely not a coincidence that he and Lilith were both missing for 7 years, and the fact that Zestial said in episode 4 that there are rumors Alastor "fell into holy arms" suggests that Alastor might have indeed figured out a way to get to Heaven, and perhaps he did meet Lilith while he was there and struck a deal with her.

I'm open to either one of these theories, but I do think it would be kind of neat if I was right and that it turned out Alastor didn't make a deal with Lilith at all, instead it was with somebody else. Maybe someone we've already met, or maybe somebody we haven't.

But regardless of what happens, I love this show and I can't wait for season 2!

Please let me know what you guys think. This thought has been niggling my brain for a while and I just needed to get it out somewhere.

P.S.- A list of things I want to see in season 2 and beyond:

- CHARLIE AND VAGGIE CHARLIE AND VAGGIE CHARLIE AND VAGGIE CHARLIE AND VAGGIE CHARLIE AND VAGGIE CHARLIE AND VAGGIE

- As in kisses, cuddles, adorableness, (maybe even a sex scene considering they did an entire episode with Angel & his pornos), Vaggie carrying Charlie as they fly around Hell

- Not to mention an ENTIRE SONG sung by the two of them. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely ADORE THE SHIT out of the reprise of ''More Than Anything," but these two need a FULL fucking song together

- More of Carmilla and Vaggie bonding and being badasses together

- Angel and Husk becoming a thing

- Learn more about what Lilith and Alastor have been up to while they've both been gone for 7 years

- What Heaven is going to do now that Adam is dead and the Extermination failed

- Also is Heaven or Emily or Sera or ANYONE even gonna ADDRESS the fact that Vaggie was revealed to be a fallen exterminator angel in episode 6?!?! Like I'm sorry but Adam dropped that fucking bomb and the only reaction they showed was Charlie's and nobody even like asked what had happened or why Vaggie was cast out?!?! I'd really like to see something, ANYTHING, that acknowledges this very big reveal to Heaven actually fucking happened lmao.

- Lilith's reunion & explanation to Charlie and Lucifer

- More of our Short King being his nerdy, powerful self

- Lute & Vaggie being toxic exes and/or getting a duet together (a girl can dream lmaoooo)

- Sir Pentious and his adventures in Heaven

- Emily and what she comes up with to help Charlie because she is the true Angel up in Heaven

- Sera getting a fucking kick to the face (or multiple) for letting the Exterminations happen and for all the other hypocritical shit that's been going on

- Everyone's reactions when they find out Sir Pentious has been redeemed

- Niffty being Niffty

- Alastor's plans and what he wants Charlie to do for him because of the deal they made

- Angel & Husk getting out of their respective deals with Valentino and Alastor

- Valentino dying a slow, agonizing, shitty death for what he's done to Angel

- What Keekee being the key to the hotel really means

- More fucking bangers to add to my playlist :)

That's all I can think of for now. If I think of anything else I'll add it on :)

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