#but we also didn’t even properly get to see alex’s reaction

[titsthedamnseason]

umm they wrote the leak so messy i’m pretty upset rn

[ncisfranchise-source]

“Maybe he didn’t have a good time, but I had a good time,” NCIS: Hawai’i star Alex Tarrant says of his character, Kai, in the next episode.

“Operation Red Rabbit,” airing on April 1, sees Sam (LL Cool J) recruit Kai to be his wingman—in training. As you can see in TV Insider’s exclusive sneak peek above, Sam’s taking it seriously. Kai’s … trying to recover. Also in the episode, when the fiancée of a vanished naval officer seeks the help of NCIS, the team reveals his secrets go much deeper than she suspected.

Below, Tarrant previews Kai and Sam’s dynamic and teases what’s ahead.

Talk about the training that Sam’s putting in Kai through and their dynamic, because I really do like it.

Alex Tarrant: The Devil Dash is coming up, and I believe that Kai mentions something about missing the days of the intense grueling training that they went through while they were in the Marines. And because of that, they took a little trip down memory lane. Todd’s character, Sam Hanna, can definitely keep up, but Kai’s definitely struggling this episode.

Talk about work with LL COOL J on that.

It was our first time really getting to properly work together. He’s an amazing guy, extremely professional. There’s a big reason why he’s lasted inside this industry for so long. He’s a legend in all senses, and I just feel so grateful to be working with him. I’m learning a lot from him as I go, especially about how to better hold myself as a person within this industry.

Why does Kai put himself through all this training and go along with everything Sam says—even the food?

Sam, it’s interesting. His life is in parallel with his character. A lot of us on set look up to him as an actor. And I guess Kai definitely looks up to Sam Hanna in terms of what he’s gone through with NCIS and his awesome stories that he tells, and he’s become a legend within that NCIS department. And so I think Kai’s just really wanting to impress him—and I think he’s really paying for it.

CBS

Kai is in a relationship now with Camille (Peyton List). Is that something that’s going to last? How is Kai feeling about that?

We’ll see. It’s a really interesting relationship, something that I feel like was only able to develop within the really odd circumstances of being in a war zone and being trapped together. And I guess through that—I always think about this. We meet a lot of people at our best, but sometimes the journey with someone lasts longer when we meet each other at the worst of times, and so I think that’s a really interesting thing that’s going on between those two.

How much more are we going to see of that?

I hope more.

Are we going to see her again?

So far she hasn’t been back for Season 3, but there’s always potential in later seasons, if we’re lucky enough.

I have to say something I enjoyed is the Kai and Kate (Tori Anderson) friendship we got in the premiere and Lucy’s (Yasmine Al-Bustami) reaction to that. Are we going to see more of that friendship this season?

Yeah, I hope so. There’s definitely more potential for that, for those relationships to grow. But so far, they’ve definitely kept it about business and they’re definitely sharing the relationships between how Sam Hanna relates to each and every character, and I think that’s really, really important. But hopefully along the way we get to strengthen and expand on that relationship between Kai and Whistler.

NCIS: LA‘s Daniela Ruah came in to direct an upcoming episode. Talk about working with her as a director?

Daniela’s fantastic. She’s an actor’s director. She’s been through it. It’s really amazing watching her do the action because she knows it herself. We’ve done three seasons trying to figure out what it is to arrest someone and keep an eye out on everything else that’s going on. But when I see Daniela do it and talk us through it and walk us through it, it just comes so naturally to her, and I can’t wait for that day where it becomes natural for me.

What can you preview about that episode?

We go into the forest and search for a killer who is slowly picking off members of this elite Marine team.

[thefanficmonster]

A Little Childish

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF

Summary: Corpse and Y/N go to visit Y/N’s parents for New Year’s. Corpse was promised good food, good company and A LOT of snow. Needless to say, the place didn’t disappoint - quite the contrary actually, it exceeded any and all expectations he had.

Requested by @waterflowersposts Hi there! Sorry for how long it took for this fic to be written :( I hope the final result makes up for the long wait! I also thought it would be appropriate to post it during the holiday season, so I hope you don’t mind. Hope you enjoy the read and I’m looking forward to hearing your feedback and any more requests you may have. Stay safe! Happy Holidays! Love, Vy ❤

I watch as Corpse is basically floating from one room into another in our shared apartment as he’s throwing random articles of clothing in his open suitcase. I have already packed my bags, knowing full well what the appropriate attire is for where we’re going.

I look away from my laptop when Corpse comes in for maybe the sixtieth time today, this time carrying a white tee causing me to chuckle. “Corpse, I know it’s very trademark for you, but the only way you’ll be wearing that when we get there is under a sweater for some extra warmth. I’m not looking forward to having my boyfriend freeze in my parent’s house.”

He smiles, looking at the shirt in his hands, and shakes his head, “Fine, guess I’ll do without it for a week or two.” He throws it in our room, not even bothering to check where it’ll land before he comes to sit down next to me on the couch, “Keep in mind, you have set my expectations pretty high up there. If I am not waist deep in snow the second we step off the plane, I’ll be disappointed.”

I give him a side glance, a smirk playing on my lips. Must say, taking on challenges you know you’re gonna win is the ultimate high-and-mighty feeling. “Honey, you’ve got a big snowstorm coming.”

                                                               *  *  *

All throughout our trip - I’m talking the drive to the airport AND the flight over - I have kept my eyes glued to Corpse, observing as his eyes sparkled more and more with each foot we got closer to our destination. He has told me the most snow he has seen was less than an inch and I immediately felt it was my duty to change that by introducing him to the magic of Canada - my home. My parents own a getaway cottage in the mountains of Calgary where we used to go every holiday season. My earliest memory is playing in the thigh-deep snow with my older sister and crying whenever our parents had to drag us back inside. 

The West Coast of the US was a rather odd surrounding for me, having grown up surrounded by snowy mountains, experiencing Christmas with no snow whatsoever was a true let down and underwhelming feeling. Since Corpse and I started dating about a month after Christmas time last year this will be our first time spending the holidays together and Corpse was more than enthusiastic to visit Canada when I mentioned how much I enjoyed my winters there. We couldn’t go for Christmas, but we’ll be there for New Year’s Eve and the first two weeks of 2021 and I am really excited. I have been dying to see my family that has actually expanded since the last time I visited - my sister has had yet another baby, making her and her husband parents of three very energetic toddlers. The six year old twins - Ashley and Alex - and the three year old Andrew. Or, as I like to call them: The 3 As.

I have warned Corpse about them like seven times despite the fact that he’s already familiar with their energy, convincing him that if that’s more than he can handle we’ve still got time to cancel the trip. He didn’t bat an eye though, each time telling me not to worry and focus my attention on reliving the moments I’ve missed so greatly instead of making sure he was having a good time.

“If you’re there...“ he said, “I’ll sure as hell be having a good time.“

One step out of the airport and he’s already mesmerized. His eyes are shiny reflecting the glow of the snow all around. It’s gonna be funny to see his reaction when he witnesses the real deal - the snow in the mountains. This compared to that is a pathetic excuse.

“I know it’s not waist-high, but that’s because they shovel it and melt it.“ He is looking around, not paying much mind to my words. The utter amazement and disbelief on his face just makes me want to wrap my arms around him and kiss him. He’s simply adorable! I see fragments of the child in him swimming up to the surface in the form of temptation - temptation every kid feels when they see snow: Dive in and lose track of time. “Wait till we get to the cottage.“

This manages to catch his attention, “You weren’t kidding.“

I laugh at my precious kiddy boyfriend. “Whoa there, Corpsie. If your mind is already blown, I’m worried about how you’ll react to the real deal.“ 

I have a feeling I know exactly how he’ll react cause I react similarly - I set the child in me free. After all, no parent can tell you to stop playing and go inside when you are a 23-year-old.

                                                             *  *  *

Walking up to the cottage from the cable-car station has to be the first time I’ve breathed with my lungs’ full capacity in the last five years. The sharp cold air screams ‘home’ to me like nothing else ever did. I am still surprised as to how my sister prefers summer. My family jokes I’m a winter wolf in disguise and I think they’re right. I do like to roll around in the snow much like a wolf. No judgement! Having a few extra years added to my age doesn’t change everything.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God.“ If I could take a shot every time Corpse has repeated this phrase I’d be dead due to liver failure. He is absolutely stunned. And I’m pretty sure he hasn’t blinked at all. Who am I to talk - I haven’t either. These mountains keep getting prettier and prettier, I swear. Taking my eyes off them would be a crime.

“Told you. I wish we made a bet, I could’ve made some easy money.“ I tease him, gently bumping my elbow against his as we walk up the trail.

“I’m glad I didn’t propose such a thing. That would’ve been fucking stupid of me.“ Judging by the tone of his voice, he is not really present in this conversation, so I decide not to let it go on any longer.

Not that I could’ve done differently, seeing as how barely three seconds latter I see three smiling faces coming at me at max speed.

Oh boy.

“Auntie Y/N!“ Ashley and Alex arrive first of course, wrapping their arms tightly around my waist. Little Andrew stumbles his way to me as quickly as a three year old possibly could.

Without wasting a second, I put my bags down and crouch so I can hug them properly. “Hi my babies! I haven’t seen you in so long.” Their hugging strength surprises me and warms my heart at the same time. The twins pull away, leaving room for the little duckling in a jacket two times his size and weight. “Hi Andrew! I nice to meet you! I’m auntie Y/N. Mommy and daddy have told you about me, haven’t they? If not I’ll kick their asses.”

“Y/N, I swear, I’ll tell Amy you’re teaching her kids swears at a very early age.“ Corpse says teasingly, stealing the attention from all four of us.

“She curses like a sailor, these kids probably know more swear words than I do.“ Ash and Alex run straight out of my grasp and to Corpse, proceeding to hug him around the waist as they did with me. They met Corpse when my sister and her husband Finn visited me back in the summer. They immediately fell in love with him. I specifically remember Alex telling me I have a ‘really cool boyfriend‘ and he only uses the word ‘cool‘ when he really likes something or someone. Corpse was honorably declared cool by Alex and that still warms my heart till this day.

“Hi guys, long time no see!“ He too crouches down to hug the little demons that immediately cling to him like koalas.

I scoop up the bundle of clothes with a face and stand up, balancing him on my hip. “Let’s attempt to get inside, shall we?” With my unoccupied arm I grab the handle of my suitcase.

Corpse nods and follows my lead, picking up the bags he also left in the snow. Ash and Alex bolt it back to the house while we struggle to follow, lowkey embarrassed by the pace we’re walking with.

Andrew struggles against me, reaching out towards Corpse. I look at them both apologetically. “You’ll meet Corpse when we get inside, darling. Chill out.”

“Y/N!“ My sister’s voice steals my attention. She emerges from the house, followed by the twins, a huge smile on her face. Her eyes land on Andrew who has calmed down is now resting his head on my shoulder sleepily, “Oh I’m so sorry about them, Y/N. I didn’t know they would charge at you the second you stepped foot on the property.“

Amy motions for me to give her her son but I hand her my suitcase instead. When she takes it I use my now freed arm to hug her as tightly as I possibly can with one arm and while balancing a baby on my chest. “It’s ok! I couldn’t have dreamed of a better welcoming.” I release, giving her a big smile.

She loses interest in me and goes to hug Corpse, taking a bag from him as well before giving him a hug. “Oh my God, Corpse, it feels like it’s been forever. I’m so glad to see you.”

“Happy to see you too, Amy.“ My sister has never liked a single guy I’ve dated. EVER. Corpse is the only one she warmed up to and that’s a huge deal to me. Corpse’s happiness when I told him that was something I’d pay to have filmed just so I can watch it every time I’m feeling down.

“Let’s get you both inside, you must be freez-“ She cuts herself off, rolling her eyes at me, “Of course, you’re not.“

I laugh and blow her a kiss as we keep carrying onward.

“Um, guys?“ Corpse’s voice makes me pause and turn around. He’s still standing in the same spot, looking- unsettled, I guess you could call it.

“What’s wrong?“ I walk over to him, taking his hand in mine.

His hand automatically gives mine a reassuring squeeze, “Nothing really, it’s just that...I’m meeting your parents for the first time and-...What if they don’t like me?”

I open my mouth to go off and start stating the obvious that they indeed won’t like him. They will LOVE him. It’s impossible not to love this man! But my sister beats me to it when it comes to stating the facts.

“Look, Corpse, they already love you. Heck, sometimes I feel like they have known Finn and you longer than they have known Y/N and I! They speak so highly of you and haven’t even met you - that should tell you more than enough about how they see you.“ She waves her hand towards the cottage, “Now walk in there and blow them away.“

Honestly, I’m glad Amy beat me to it. I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

And just like that, hand in hand, Andrew still in my other arm, we walk in.

                                                             *  *  *

Corpse is officially the main attraction, stealing the spotlight from Amy, Finn and I - something the three of us are incredibly thankful for. Amy was right with every word she said - my parents are absolutely in love with Corpse. Luckily for Finn and Amy, the 3 As are all over him as well. Especially Andrew. The second someone sets him down he just waddles his way over to Corpse who picks him up and settles him in his lap while he answers my parents’ questions. 

When the kids were finally talked into taking a nap, Corpse and I snuck out to have a little walk in the snow and, of course, take some pictures. I made it my personal goal to make as many artsy and aesthetic photos of him as possible. His favorite - a hand only pic of him holding a snowball - was my idea and I think I have never felt prouder of myself.

“I am definitely posting this one.“ He says, turning the phone so I can see the screen. I give it a quick glance, thinking he’s talking about the hand pic but do a double take when I realize it’s a picture of me that he has taken without my knowledge.

I actually look rather decent, so I give him a green light in the form of a big thumbs up, “As long as you post the hand one too.”

“Hey, Y/N!“ We look back at the house which isn’t far from where we are right now. Amy is hugging the jacket tightly around herself as she approaches us with fast steps. “You know where we haven’t been in like forever?“

I raise an eyebrow and shake my head as I rack through my brain trying to dig up what she’s referring to. It could literally be any place on this mountain!

“Hello! The Waterless Lake? Ring any bells?“

Oh...it sure does.

Brief explanation: it is a huge circular dip in the ground which fills with water when the snow melts and becomes a lake but empties by the time winter comes back around. That being said, when the snow is still not melted, it’s an absolute wonderland to play in. I suddenly remember all the barrel-rolling Amy and I did there as kids and feel really nostalgic.

“Oh God, yes! I miss that place!“ I say, snapping out of my reminiscing trance. “Let’s go while it’s still light enough.”

“Finn is making dinner right now, or trying to at least.“ She rolls her eyes, turning to Corpse, “But it’d be our pleasure if you tagged along, Corpse.“

Corpse shakes his head, “I’ll politely decline. You ladies can reminisce and chat in peace, while I’ll be helping Finn in the kitchen.” He gives me a quick peck on the lips before excusing himself, “Have fun!”

“You too!“ We call back to him in unison.

Amy gives me an amazed, wide-eyed look, “He can cook?”

I shrug my shoulders nonchalantly, smirking, “Oh, you have no idea.”

She laughs, linking arms with me as we begin walking our way to the Waterless Lake. The place probably has a different name or no name at all, but we named it that as kids and never told our parents where it was. It’s our spot, and it is very surprising Amy offered Corpse to accompany us there.

“Sis, you are very lucky. I hope you know that.“ She tightens the hold on my arm with hers, pulling us closer together.

“I tell myself that every time I look at him, Aims. I am fully aware.“ I say dreamily, recalling all the times I’ve spent with Corpse. Almost one full year and I could never imagine that year, nor the upcoming ones, without him.

                                                                *  *  *

Upon returning, we’re met with the most wholesome scene I have ever seen - Corpse and Finn are making snowmen with the 3 As. It seems like they’ve been at it for a while, considering there is an army of snowmen of different designs, shapes and sizes all at different spots throughout the perimeter of the clearing in front of the house.

“Oh dear Lord.“ Amy mumbles, “I had a feeling this would happen.“

The five snowman-builders don’t even acknowledge our presence when we approach them. Ashley and Alex are running around with Finn, looking for sticks to use as the snowmen’s limbs while Corpse is helping Andrew gather as much snow as possible for the body.

I don’t realize there’s a huge smile on my face up until the point I’m trying to say something. Nothing comes out, though. My words are being muffled by all the overwhelming emotions that have taken over - collapsing my senses. 

With a roll of her eyes, my sister opens the front door, taking a step into the house. The second the door opens, however, I get a whiff of the delicious smell coming from inside. Best guess, and probably the right one - this is Corpse’s doing. 

If I wasn’t already hungry, I sure as hell am now and I’m in no mood to be in that delicious food’s proximity without attacking it. 

“Come on, guys! Dinner time! Get your butts inside!“ I call out to them from the doorway.

Corpse turns to look at me with the sneakiest smirk I have ever seen. He narrows his eyes at me, “You have done the very thing you despise!”

It takes me approximately three seconds to connect the dots and scrunch up my face, picking up all the snow I can an forming it in a snow ball, throwing it at Corpse. Growing up doing this exact thing has given me great aim, therefore I hit Corpse square in the chest.

“Oh you’re so in for it now.“ He laughs, picking up snow to form his own snowball.

“Snowball fight!“ Ashley yells, ditching the sticks to make a snowball for herself.

“Oh no...“ I poke my head in the hallway just as a snowball hits my upper arm, “Aims, I need your help!“ 

Before Amy can respond, I run to take cover behind the nearest snowman that, luckily for me happens to be one of the larger ones. I hear Amy call out my name when she exits the house, followed by a surprised yelp from her when three snowballs hit her. “You are all dead!”

While she is fighting blood and fire (well, water really), I am making ammunition for us both to use. I’m on my eleventh snowball when snow showers me from above as though it has fallen from a tree branch.

“Hiding, I see.“ I am still in shock, hair and upper body covered in snow, when I hear Corpse’s taunting voice.

My vengeance instinct kicks in having me grab two snowballs and turn to throw them at him. To my dismay, he’s faster then me and doesn’t allow me to even get my arm at an angle where I could throw properly. Instead, he turns me back around and picks me up with ease, one arm wrapped around my waist, another grabbing two of my prepared snowballs from the ground.

“Let’s show them who the bosses are.“ I see him wink at me from the corner of my eye and it takes me little to no time to catch onto what he’s insinuating.

In short, with joined forces, we took out the opposite team in no time - like a true couple 😉

[bangzchan]

hello!! i'm back with a 3x11 missing scene where Alex goes to the junkyard after the conversation between Michael and Sanders! (ao3 link)

Watching Sanders walk away, Michael hears the noise of an engine in the distance and not long after, a car pulls up. He can’t help the smile that sits out on his face when he recognizes who it belongs to,warmth rushing through his body and his nostrils flaring slightly as he takes a deep breath.

Alex is fighting a grin on his own as well as he walks up closer, looking from the ground to Michael a couple times on his short way.

„Everything’s alright?” He asks when Alex reaches him, both of them letting out a small breath they’ve been holding.

„Yeah.” Alex reassures him, „I’m on my way to Deep Sky, thought I’d check to see if you’re still here.”

Michael reaches his arm out and gently pulls on Alex’s jacket, „Well, are you pleased to see me?”

„Very.” Alex leans in and whispers against his mouth, placing both of his hands on Michael’s chest.

Alex’s lips are soft and sweet, still making Michael get lost in the kiss like it’s their first time. Forgetting about the mess of situations for a minute, he allows himself to enjoy this moment with Alex, his lips that are so familiar they almost feel like Michael’s own.

What he also forgets, though, is the crafted handcuffs he’s holding, that are now lightly stabbing Alex in the side as Michael holds him closer and tighter. He only remembers when Alex winces in the kiss, breaking apart but still in Michael’s hold, his body pulling to the other side, away from the unpleasant sting.

Michael drops his arm that holds the object to his side, Alex’s eyes following the mix of colours he’s grown to recognize everywhere.

He raises his eyebrows with a smirk after he figures out what it is exactly, remembering the call earlier with Michael, about creating something against Jones that inhibits his powers, and nods towards it. „Is that my gift?”

Michael drops his gaze, shaking his head with a grin that matches Alex’s. „You want it on you or me?” He teases.

Alex slides his hand down from Michael’s shoulder to the hand that’s still holding him, removing it from his waist, only to press their palms together, fingers intertwined. His smile is sweet but sly. „I’m not the one with alien powers.”

„Mmm,” Michael stares fondly at their hands for a moment. „Are you saying you want to strip me of my powers?” He brings his eyes to Alex’s mouth, watching as the corners of his lips twitch, smile growing bigger. His voice is quiet when he continues, like he’s sharing a secret. „All you have to do is kiss me and I’m already powerless.”

When he looks up, Alex huffs out a laugh through his nose but his face has turned serious. He bites his lips, eyes searching Michael’s while he gently rubs his thumb on the back of Michael’s hand where they’re connected.

The kiss starts out slow and it’s different, it’s as if this is Michael giving Alex permission to break him and as if this is Alex telling Michael he won’t.

There’s a breeze as they pull away and it catches into Michael’s curls, all Alex can do is smile and watch as the air gently ruffles his hair – and after he’s looked for a while, he notices something in his eyes that makes Alex believe he’s far too gone in his thoughts.

„What’s wrong?” He decides to ask but earns only a confused hm? from Michael. „I can see it in your puppy dog eyes.”

Michael groans at that, taking a step back to properly look at him, „Really? You too?” Alex is the one who’s lost now, waiting for an explanation at the strange reaction, shoulders coming up in a shrug. Michael sighs, shaking his head. „Earlier Sanders called me a pair of sad puppy dog eyes in a cowboy hat.”

„Oh?” Alex fakes surprise at hearing what perfectly desrcibes him and what he will definitely tease him with at certain times. Like, now. „You didn’t know we all call you that behind your back?”

Michael shoots him a look and if Alex didn’t know better, he would think about running. Instead, he grins and without meaning to or before he could stop it, Michael smiles back. His voice is flat, „Ha ha, very funny.”

It takes only a few seconds for the air to change around them as Alex patiently stands with him, the glow of the cuffs playing at the corner of his eyes. He thinks about Michael making them in his bunker, how his forehead would be home for a couple lines as he concentrates, or how his nose would scrunch up when something was just not right. He also thinks about his victory scream when he’d finish and Alex wishes he could’ve been there to give him and his hands the kisses they deserve.

„But uh,” Michael squeezes Alex’s hand before he lets go of it, „Sanders and I had a talk about Jones and my mom.” He starts playing with the cuffs, remembering the words. „He said I’m a lot like her. That she was brave, fighting for a better world. Didn’t give up.” He wipes at his nose with his hand then fakes a laugh, bitter and sad. „So I don’t really think he was right about me being like her.”

Alex swallows hard, hating to see Michael bring himself down, not believing in the good inside of him and what he’s capable to do with it. He wants to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he sees what Alex sees in him.

He sighs, „Michael.. He knew your mom and he knows you. If anyone, then Sanders would be the one who’s right about that.”

Michael throws his arms up, „I just, I don’t feel it.”

„And what, you feel Jones?” Alex snickers, „Because let me tell you, besides some alien powers and DNA, you have nothing in common with him.” Michael’s head whips up at that and he looks like he’s going to say something but he stops. Alex exhales deeply.

„Just, look how far you’ve come, Michael. You could’ve given up even as a child but you didn’t. Because like your mom,” Alex takes the cuffs from his hands, bringing them to his eyes and Michael watches them as it glows. „You’re a fighter.”

Michael takes a long, shaky breath, his arms lifeless next to his body. He looks around, „Maybe, but.. I’m scared.” It takes everything in him to admit it out loud. He’s never felt as vulnerable and weak than right now.

Alex’s response is not what he expects, his shoulders moving up and down in a shrug, nodding. „Good, you should be.” Michael stares at him bewildered, his mouth opening and closing at a loss for words. Alex tilts his head, „You’re up against an alien homicidal maniac. If you weren’t scared, it would be weird.”

They stand silently for a while, Michael letting the words get through his head and Alex hoping he’s able to. When the silence gets too long, Alex offers a smile.

„We’re all with you.”

Michael swallows to fix his dry throat, blinks away tears that threatened to fall. He tries for a smile as he speaks, his voice is weak, „Thank you, Alex.” He groans to bring himself back, lets out a laugh at how pathetic he feels and takes the handcuffs from Alex. He raises his eyebrows, „So, how about we try these?”

Alex rolls his eyes with a chuckle, bringing a hand to Michael’s cheek.

„Let’s get rid of your father, first.”

[red-cape-morgana]

FIAT LUX

Everyone sees the girl of steel as an almighty, indestructible being. But before being a hero, she is a person, and this implies some quirks. Some fears as well.

Chapter 3

(Chp 1) // (Chp 2) // (Ao3)

Alex had announced that Wednesday, during breakfast.

At first it had cast a spell on the little family: Jeremiah had lowered his journal to throw a look at Eliza, which was holding her mug of coffee midway to her mouth. But the one they all were apprehending the reaction from was Kara, who for now was glaring at her hot cocoa as if debating using her laser vision to destroy it after a major offense.

“It’s only for a night, and it’s been ages since I’ve been able to go out with friends. I’m a teenager, not a prisoner!” Alex said petulantly.

“Sweetie, we know that. But maybe…” Eliza started

“I’m not her babysitter! I’m not even her sister!”

“Alex, enough!” Jeremiah stepped in, appalled that his daughter could think that and even worse, say it in front of Kara.

“It’s okay. I’m sure you’ll have a great time Alex” Kara said.

Her quiet intervention had all the others turning at once. Clearly, they had all expected a different reaction, used to her standing up to Alex. But at this moment the blonde teenager wore a blank expression, and when she looked up at Alex her eyes seemed distant and cold.

“She is right, it’s been a long time since she last slept at a friend. And we are not sisters.”

Kara left the table before anyone could add anything to this. She knows that Alex is right to feel that way, that ever since she has been adopted by the Danvers, the teenager has been tasked to keep an eye on her at all times. The fact that she has so much trouble adapting to Earth’s customs didn’t make it any easier.

I’m not even her sister. Those words were playing on repeat in her mind, but she wasn’t nary at the redhead for saying that.

They are indeed no sisters, no blood relatives. Her family has disappeared. Her whole world exploded years ago in a very different galaxy. Her cousin dropped her here and barely calls every once in a while to ask how she is doing. Kara is all alone and she knows it.

That’s why she said that Alex should go, because she doesn’t want her to feel as isolated as she feels herself. She has friends, conversely to the blonde, and she is right to want to spend time with them rather than stuck here. Kara also wants to prove to her adoptive family that she is not made of glass, not a broken little thing that needs to be constantly watched over. She doesn’t want a special treatment.

On top of it, maybe having the whole room for herself will be fun. Right?

When Kara gets back inside Alex is gone. Probably upstairs, preparing her bag for the sleep over and cursing Kara’s name. Jeremiah is sitting on the couch as if he was watching the TV but Kara can hear him fidgeting with the remote in his hand, absolutely not focused on the screen in front of him.

Eliza is the one waiting for her. She doesn’t say a word to her adoptive daughter, not willing to rub salt in the wound that Alex’s words surely made. She simply walks up to her with a plate of cookies and a mug of Kara’s favorite tea (the teen having discovered that some blends reminded her of drinks she could find on krypton, the Danvers had bought a variety just for her).

“Thank you Eliza,” Kara says softly while carefully balancing the plate and mug.

It wasn’t so much about dropping them rather than not crushing them inadvertently, their weights so light for a kryptonian that Kara struggled to properly feel them and thus clenched her hand more than the ceramic could handle.

“You’re welcome Kara,” Eliza answered. “And sweetie? Don’t mind Alex too much. She is a grumpy teenager who thinks that being cutting and edgy is cool. She didn’t mean what she said.”

Kara stayed focused on her drink, looking at the volupts of milk slowly diffusing in her tea.

“It’s okay,” the teen shrugs. “She will have a good time, and for once I’ll be able to use the telescope as much as I want.”

“This doesn’t mean the midnight limit is over,” Jeremiah said from the couch.

“That’s unfair! Alex will stay up all night!”

“Make friends and get invited then” Alex chirped from the entry. She had her stuffed backpack slung on one shoulder and looked smugly at the younger almost Danvers.

“Dad, can you drop me there please?”

“What, now? But it’s barely 11am Alex.”

“Yeah, I know. But Britney’s mom said we could come earlier, and I’d rather spend the day there with… her” Alex trailed off.

Kara took a deep breath and held it for four seconds before releasing it slowly. It didn’t mean anything. Alex was just taking on a nice offer to spend more time with her friends, and not looking for a way to escape her ‘fake sister’. She tried pursuing her breakfast, but the tea now tasted bitter on her tongue.

“But, honey,” Eliza said, seemingly unsure of what to say to lessen the tension slowly filling the room. “You didn’t tell me, and I’ve already prepared everything for lunch. Maybe we can take you right after? You would still spend plenty of time with…”

“Maybe save it in a tupperware? That way it doesn’t go to waste, and I get to enjoy more time with my friend. It’s a win-win for everyone!” Alex protested, her stance now rigid.

The atmosphere was growing heavier by the second, no one knowing what to say to prevent things from escalating further. Jeremiah had turned slightly to look at his wife, Eliza was standing at the kitchen counter where she had organized everything needed for the next meal, and Kara was looking alternatively between them all as if trying to find the last piece of a particularly complex jigsaw.

“Or even better, Kara can have my share. She’s always looking at my plate, for once she’ll have it!” Alex finally said.

A clang resonated, quickly followed by a quiet kryptonian muttering.

“Alex, put on your coat. We’re going.” Jeremiah said without sparing a look to her daughter.

———————————————————————————————-

It's completely fine. Kara is fine with it. The last few nights weren't so bad (at least Alex didn't have to climb in her bed and hold her close so she could breathe again).

And Alex is sixteen. It's normal that she wants to go have fun with her friends and not stay cooped up with her alien sister. So Kara had put on a brave face and reassured the whole Danvers family that everything was okay. Alex can go have fun, she'll be on the roof with her telescope and take notes on some stars from here.

Jeremiah had kept her company at first, telling her the stories different cultures had built based on the constellations. Kara had carefully listened to him. The stories were very different from the ones she had heard growing up, but they still brought her a sense of peace and belonging: her father had told her all the stories of their people back on Krypton, and having Jeremiah sharing stories with her made her feel a little less alone.

After a while she heard a discreet coughing from behind them. Eliza had decided to join them after all, bringing blankets and a thermos of hot cocoa that had Kara immediate attention and scooting over to make some room for her adoptive mother.

So Kara was fine and it wasn't a lie. She had truly meant it when she said she could do it, and she said it again to her parents when they left her to go to sleep.

She stayed up there till 1am, and was happy with some of the observations she made. Once back inside, she took her time to set everything aside (was she buying some time before she had to turn off the lights? Maybe). But quickly, she didn't have any excuse to stay up any longer.

The lights were off, and Kara was fine. Sure, she was laying wide awake, staring at the ceiling, but it was a good start in her opinion. She thought of all the stories she had learnt tonight and she started drifting off.

That's when things turned sour.

She wasn't in her bed anymore, but in the cramped space of her pod. The air was suffocatingly hot, her hair sticking to her clammy forehead. She wanted to move, to at least turn a bit to see where she was. Was Krypton still there? But she couldn't move, the tight confine preventing her from even freeing an arm to swipe at her sweaty face.

All those elements combined made her panic. How did she get back here? Maybe she never escaped the phantom zone and she just dreamt of that lovely family that took her in? After all there is no way out of this timeless part of the universe... Right?

[thesquidkid]

I guess it's been a long way home, trying to face the world alone

Kind of a coda to 3x07 where Alex spends some time in the barn without really knowing what happened in Roswell, studying the Lockhart machine. The machine activates and a man with a sword shows up.

(basically my thoughts on Alex meeting Jones in 1.8k words)

Alex had been at the Gunther farm for 27 hours now, Ramos occasionally bringing him food, both of them sitting by Kyle’s bed, waiting for him to wake up. Ramos would go back and forth between the Deep Sky facility and the farm, but had told Alex to not do the same, to stay with people, have company, in hopes to not lose his mind like Trevor Gunther once had.

The Lockhart machine had been moved to the farm too, per Alex’s request, wanting to stay near Kyle in case he woke up. He barely slept in those 27 hours, closing his eyes only a few times, sitting on the chair, holding one sided conversations with Kyle.

He also barely looked at his phone, putting his whole attention on the machine, on the Caufield files. In hindsight, he probably should’ve been more in touch with his friends in Roswell. That way he maybe could’ve avoided what happened.

He was fiddling with the Lockhart machine, his computer opened on the side looking through the deep web, one had on the top of the machine observing the signals. Suddenly, the machine activated, the soundwave resonating through his entire body, shaking the walls of the barn. Before he could even process what was happening, he found himself pinned against a wall, held by a force that was both familiar yet unknown, facing a man whose face he knew quite well, holding a purple sword that looked very much alien.

“Well, well, well,” said the man with a dark smile that seemed out of place on that face, usually sweet and awkward, taking a few steps forwards in the direction of Alex, getting closer to the machine. “We meet at last, Alex Manes,” he continued, looking at him up and down, examining Alex from all angles, making him feel like an animal in a zoo.

“Jones,” Alex said as a greeting, knowing very well that the Max he knew would never act this way. His mind was racing, thinking of the best plan to follow, trying to predict Jones’ intentions. However, he quickly realised that he didn’t know that much about the man, other than he was a clone of Max (or Max was a clone of him) and that he knew more about the alien’s home planet than his friends did. Which wasn’t much to base a plan off, even with his gut telling him not to trust him. So instead of doing anything, he just stared back at Jones, who just smiled at him.

“Before we do anything, M Manes,” Jones said, his eyes circling between Alex and the machine, taking a few steps towards the latter, so that he could touch it with his hands. Alex opened his eyes in shock - the machine was reacting to Jones, the metal seemingly changing color. “I want to thank you,” he continued after a long exhale as his hand came into contact with the machine, “for bringing me exactly to where I wanted to be.” He pointed his last words by looking back at Alex, smiling in a way that was so un-Max it creeped Alex out.

He swallowed his saliva hard and frowned, how did Jones find him? Jones must’ve felt Alex’s confusion, since he continued, waving his sword around and finally settling it on his shoulder. “Oh Alex,” he said, shaking his head, “I wish I could answer all your questions, but you see I am a bit in a hurry and you are the final link I need to break.”

With that, he took the final steps towards Alex, and swung his sword down. Alex closed his eyes, knowing what was coming, having been close to death before. He waited for the sharp pain to come, already calculating his chance of survival, knowing he couldn’t move and was at Jones’ mercy. But the blow never came. He opened his eyes slowly, hesitantly, to see Jones frozen in motion, his eyebrows frowned, clearly using his force but being blocked by an invisible force. The sword was a few millimetres from Alex’s chest, touching the fabric of his jumper, so close that he could feel the heat coming from it.

“Don’t touch him!” came a shout from the entrance of the barn, making Alex raise his head in its direction, even though he already knew who it was from. Jones hadn’t moved, couldn’t probably, and was thrown away to the left of the barn, his sword flying into Michael’ hand as he ran towards Alex. Alex could feel his feet touching the ground, but didn’t have to balance to steady himself and fell, making Michael lean to him.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you? I’m gonna-” he rambled as is eyes searched Alex’s body for any sign of injury, the furry clear in his eyes, making Alex chuckle, “I’m fine, Michael,” he interrupted, “Thank you,” he added sincerely, raising Michael’s head with his right hand so they eyes could meet. The furry in Michael melted for a bit, but regained it’s amplitude as Jones laughed on the side.

“Oh isn’t it so cute, saving each other's lives.” He stood up, brushing his trousers with his hands before using his telekinesis to bring the sword back to him. “Anyway, I think some formal introductions are needed, don’t you think, son?”

Alex raised an eyebrow at this. Son? He looked back and forth between Michael and Jones, the latter smiling and the former avoiding him. “Oh my god,” he groaned, his head falling back against the wood panel he was earlier pinned against.

Michael stayed silent, his eyes looking at the floor, his body slightly shaking from what Alex assumed was anger mixed with a bit of fear. Fear of what it meant, fear of what he might become. It was one thing knowing the horrors of your father, another to actually see them. And Alex knew that very well. He stood up, using the wall to balance himself, and stepped in front of Michael, facing Jones. He crossed his arms against his chest and lifted his chin, defying Jones. He knew that it probably wasn’t the best idea, but he also knew very well that all his rational thoughts flew out the window when it came to Michael. And in this moment, he wanted nothing more than to protect him.

“I have an offer for you, Michael,” Jones breathed out, as if tired of this nonsense. What nonsense exactly, Alex didn’t know, but he didn’t want to find out what Jones would do to speed things up. At the mention of his name, Michael looked up, Alex still feeling the anger and fear off of him. “I have a plan, you see. One that involves coming back home,” he smiled at Michael, who unconsciously took a step forward at the mention of home. Jones must’ve noticed it too, as he continued, “I could take you with me, if you wanted. You could see where you are from, the family you have that stayed, the life you so desperately wanted, a life where you are loved, my son.”

As he spoke, Michael took a few steps forward, until he was now the one in front of Alex. Alex looked at him move, his mind racing through all the possibilities. As Michael turned his head towards him, however, all fears about being left alone disappeared. The look Michael gave him was a look he had once described as ‘making him seventeen again’, and he couldn’t agree more with that statement. It was a look of hope and love, but not directed towards Michael’s father or home planet, no. It was directed to the one person who had made him belong on earth. Alex.

The look didn’t last long, though, as Michael turned his head towards Jones. Alex couldn’t see his face, but if he based himself on Jones’ reaction, he could see it satisfied him. His eyes stared at the back of Michael’s skull, all he wanted to do was close his eyes and keep Michael’s look burned into his mind. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t bare himself to not watch, wanting more than anything to trust Michael. For Michael to have the same hope that he had, in them.

Michael walked forwards until he was face to face with Jones, feeling each other’s breaths on their faces. He whispered something that Alex couldn’t hear and the reaction was immediate. Jones, who was previously smiling like the evil mastermind that he was, became instantly furious, a fire burning in his eyes. Alex wanted to shout, tell Michael to take cover, but he didn’t have time as it all happened in a matter of seconds.

Jones went flying against the closest wall but not through it - which Alex found strange with the force that was used against him. His sword went to Michael’s right hand, holding it firmly. He could see Michael’s shoulders raise as he inhaled deeply. And then, just as fast as Michael threw Jones and took his sword, he pushed a bit harder and Jones vanished towards the desert.

Michael turned around finally walking slowly towards Alex, letting Alex fully see him. His hair was a mess, and had been since before he walked into the barn, anger still clear on his face. It was different, though, thought Alex as Michael waked until stopping a few feet in front of him, it was like it had diminished a bit. So had the fear, he realised, it was still there, probably would always be there, but it felt more like a background emotion, not at the forefront of Michael’s thoughts.

The two of them stared at each other for what felt like forever, Jones forgotten. “You stayed,” Alex said, echoing Michael’s words from the first morning he woke up in the airstream. Michael smiled at him, taking a deep, shallow breath, “My family is here on earth,” he said weakly, nearly a whisper. He swallowed and continued, his eyes never leaving Alex’s, “You are,” he whispered this time, so quietly that Alex nearly didn’t hear him.

Except he heard the whisper. Loud and clear. Resonating through his body bringing tears to his eyes and smile to his lips. He closed the distance between them and hugged Michael, hard. The hug was awkward, neither properly used to them, especially with each other, but they both clung hard, not wanting to let go.

“I’m not going anywhere, Alex,” whispered Michael in Alex’s ear, “Neither am I, Michael,” answered Alex in the same tone. They leaned out of the hug, their foreheads touching, the outside world a problem for another time. Right now, they needed to reassure each other, hold each other, the rest could be figured out later. They had time.

Eventually they came out of the barn, and were met with Isobel, Liz and Rosa who had put Jones back in a pod. The three women looked at both of them, smiling as they saw how closely they were walking, but distant enough that everyone knew they still had some distance to go, conversations to be had, lost time to be caught. And that would happen, in its own time, now that they were both on earth and planning to stay.

[pink-flame]

You know, we did not get an official first Juke Bodyguard AU kiss. Did they kiss after Julie's show? I'd like to know how their first kiss was

I mean technically you did get their first kiss, it was just brief and apparently unsatisfying. So...let’s try this again. 😂 Have their second kiss. 

Julie was pretty sure that her Orpheum concert was the best show she had ever done.

There was the fact that she had been dreaming of performing there for practically her entire life, ever since Reggie and Alex had taken her to her first concert ever in that very same club. There was the fact that for the first time in a long time almost everyone she cared about was gathered to watch her, her dad, and her brothers, and Alex and Flynn. There was the fact that every single note seemed to fall exactly where it was meant to, her voice soaring like never before in a way that felt...easy.

But she would have been lying if she said that any of those factors were the real reason why it was her best show ever.

The truth was a lot simpler.

The truth was she performed the whole concert with a permanent smile stretching across her lips, lips that still tingled from where they had all too briefly pressed against Luke’s. They had exchanged I love yous. They had finally stopped dancing around each other and wondering if the other felt the same.

And they had kissed.

Even if it had been cut frustratingly short.

Still.

There would be plenty of time for that. Like. The second her show ended.

Only it didn’t turn out to be quite that simple.

Luke had clearly had the same idea because he was waiting for her in the wings, hovering even closer to the edge of the stage than he would on a normal night, those big eyes and that distracting grin fixed on her until her final bow. As soon as Julie practically ran off of the stage she was in his personal space, struggling to maintain some small semblance of professionalism by not immediately latching her lips onto his. It was a struggle though and one that he seemed to be feeling too.

“Hi,” She said, looking up at him, as her lip slipped between her teeth.

“Hi,” He echoed, one of his hands coming up to touch lightly at her elbow and usher her slightly farther into the wings.

And that was ok, that was normal, in fact before she had started trying to ignore him they regularly touched way more than this in front of anyone and everyone. Only now her skin practically burned where his fingers rested on it and she found herself unintentionally swaying even closer to him. He must have been feeling it too because the next thing she knew his head was dipping down towards hers, and hers was tilting up and…

Oh.

“Luke,” She whispered, her hands coming up to press against his chest and halt his progress. “Let’s go somewhere more private, ok?”

He didn’t respond right away, his body seeming prepared to fight to continue its journey towards hers for a split second before her words pierced the haze around his mind. He jolted and took a half step back, one hand coming up to rub at the back of his head sheepishly.

“Right, yeah, good idea.”

He recovered from his embarrassment quickly, shooting her another grin and using his grip on her elbow to guide her out into the hall and towards her green room.

Julie wasn’t exactly proud of the way she spent the short walk counting the seconds until  she and Luke could be alone and more properly express their happiness at finally confessing to each other but...that didn’t mean she wasn’t counting them. Unfortunately when Luke finally gripped the door handle and ushered them inside they were very much not alone.

In fact the room was packed with just about everyone she had previously been so excited were there to see her play. Oh. Yeah.

“Julie, that was phenomenal!”

Before she could react, Julie’s dad was striding across the room and sweeping her up into her arms, jostling her away from a frowning Luke in the process.

“Thanks, Dad,” Julie said genuinely, returning his hug before pulling away with a smile.

Her dad wasn’t the only one who wanted her attention and to congratulate her, Flynn, Reggie, Alex and even Carlos all stepping forward to take their turn, the room quickly becoming an impromptu celebration of Julie finally achieving one of her lifelong dreams to perform at the Orpheum. And she appreciated it, she did. So much.

But she was also incredibly aware of Luke hovering at the outskirts of the gathering, Reggie and Alex doing their best to keep him involved in conversation, but his energy practically bouncing around the room and blasting into her with its intensity. She was pretty sure she was matching it if she was being honest. It had been the better part of a year spent thinking that their respective feelings were unrequited and now that the unrequited part had been proved to very much not be true they were both practically vibrating with anticipation of what came next.

So when Julie  glanced over her shoulder and locked eyes with Luke as they each did their best to keep up a conversation with different people, she knew the exact moment that both of them decided they were done waiting.

Luke was suddenly pulling out his phone and making a big show of reading a supposed message that had come through before hurrying over to her and practically tugging her towards the door.

“Sorry everyone, need to borrow Julie just for a minute, official business.”

Julie did her best to ignore the knowing looks Alex, Reggie and Flynn all sent them and the way her dad’s forehead furrowed in confusion, following Luke out into the hall and pausing just long enough to make sure the door was shut securely behind them. That turned out to be all she had time to do before Luke was swinging her gently against the wall and bracketing her body with both of his inescapably muscular arms.

“Sorry,” He murmured, his face once again starting to dip towards hers. “I got impatient.”

“No, yeah, same,” Julie said a little breathlessly, reaching up to rest a hand on each of his shoulders.

“Ok, that’s good then,” He said, his voice dropping by at least an octave as one of his hands slipped off of the wall to rest on her lower back, tugging her even closer to him and wrenching a gasp from her without her permission.

Their lips were just about to connect when Alex’s voice suddenly sounded from just on the other side of the green room door.

“Yeah, yeah, I hear you, I’m on my way.”

Julie’s eyes widened in panic with the knowledge that Alex was about to step out and catch them in a somewhat compromising position. She knew that it wasn’t like they were doing anything wrong, and they certainly weren’t doing anything Alex hadn’t already probably guessed they were somewhere doing. But that didn’t mean she was ready for her best friend and assistant to see with his own eyes the way she and Luke simply couldn’t keep their hands off of each other at the moment. Luke clearly felt the same, only luckily for her his bodyguard instincts seemed to kick in. Just as the handle on the door started to move he tugged her down the hallway and through the next door they came to.

Julie’s first observation was only that it seemed that they had succeeded in avoiding Alex and she let a rush of relief flow through her. But her second observation was that she and Luke were pressed up against each other in what appeared to be a small closet.

Again.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” She said quietly.

“I guess this is going to be our thing,” Luke answered with another one of those heat fluttering grins. “Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when it’s safe to come out.”

“Oh yeah?” Julie chuckled. “How long do you think it will be?”

“Hmmm…” Luke wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her body even more flush against his. “Hard to say. Better safe than sorry.”

Julie giggled at that, she couldn’t help it. She was happy and she loved him and he loved her and they were finally alone and they were back in a closet and…

Luke’s mouth pressed against hers, at first softly than more insistently, his fingers curling into the soft skin of her waist as she melted fully against him. Julie could hardly process the actual sensation of the kiss through all of the fireworks that felt like they were exploding in her mind as her brain practically sang in elation at the rightness of being Luke and Julie, together. Of course that didn’t last long as her lips parted of their own accord and he instantly deepened the kiss with a little groan of satisfaction that sent tingles from her head to her toes. She brought up one hand to rest on the back of his neck while she couldn’t resist letting the other work its way into that stupid, messy hair. She curled her fingers around a few strands of his hair, her nails scraping lightly against his scalp. His reaction was immediate, seeming to lose his balance at the sensation as he stumbled pushing both of them against the wall knocking over what she was pretty sure was a stand containing cleaning supplies.

Julie broke away from the kiss, laughing uncontrollably as Luke struggled to regain his balance, push away a mop that had landed on his shoulder and reconnect their lips all at the same time.

“I’m going to be honest, I’m thinking it’s probably a good thing I’m getting a new bodyguard soon,” She teased, stroking gently at the patch of skin on his neck she could still reach. “Apparently all it takes to take you out is a scalp massage.”

Luke smirked down at her.

“Oh, so what I’m hearing is you want me to show you my skills,” He said in that soft, low voice that made it really hard for her to focus on anything, even teasing him. “Observing...detecting...physical intervention…”

Julie wanted very badly to make fun of the way he was trying to use bodyguard lingo to get under her skin but the problem was it was absolutely working, which meant it was safer just to say nothing. Instead she let her eyes slide closed, and her head tilt up and could just feel the slightest brush of his lips against hers when a loud knock had them springing apart.

“Are you two done because Julie’s dad would really like to take his daughter to a celebratory dinner and I don’t want to have to be the one who tells him she’s engaged in steamy activities in a random closet.”

Luke groaned and Julie chuckled.

“We’ll be right there, Alex,” She called out.

“Will we?” Luke grumbled.

“Yes,” Julie said with a smile, before leaning up to press one last quick kiss to his mouth. “I love you.”

That seemed to ease some of his disappointment, a sappy, pleased smile spreading onto his face instantly.

“I love you too.”

“Now come on,” Julie said, tugging him towards the door with a grin. “The sooner we get dinner with my dad the sooner you can do one last security sweep of my apartment.”

[lydias--stiles]

Can’t handle the heat? (Try me.)

“Put that AC on, folks! It’s gonna be a whopping 105 degrees today and it’s not going down any time soon! Best to stay inside and keep your head in the fridge! Next up - “Positions” by Ariana Grande!”

The band groaned as the radio host clicked off, Ariana Grande blaring through the stereo. The sweltering heat had them all on the floor, fanning their faces with composition papers and one measly portable fan. It did shit, but there was nothing else available in the studio. Reggie’s face was completely red, Alex’s hair has turned brown from sweat and Julie was this close to begging them to teleport her to the Arctic. Everyone was beat. Well... all except one person. 

Luke Patterson would literally be the death of her. And the second death of the boys. 

Though sweating like a pig as well, no heatwave could temper that perpetual energy of his. 

“Come on, guys!” His foot prodded Alex’s side, the blonde swatting him away. “It’s just a lil’ heat. Nothing we’re not used to.”

Alex groaned. “Dude, those lights in the 90′s were for thirty minutes, max. This has been going on for days.”

“Literally!”, added Reg. 

Julie hoisted herself up, cringing at the way her body was suctioned against the cement floor. “I think we just have to wait it out until this ends.”

“It’s LA,” he deadpanned. “It never ends.”

Ugh. He was right. Summers in Los Angeles felt like simmering in an oven for months on end, hot enough to hallucinate, just cool enough to not actually die. It didn’t help that the trees were burning too. There was no shadow or shade for the Californians to hide beneath. 

“Come on, Jules,” he grinned, giving her that face he knew she couldn’t deny. It was an unfair move of his, but she had also been secretly hoping to play a little. Days without music felt like not breathing properly, or sleeping on the wrong side and having a kink in your neck afterwards. Music was, despite the heat, still the thing that tipped her over the edge. And when Luke asked her with that sweet smile... 

It probably helped he looked good all sweaty like that. She couldn’t even feel embarrassed about it. She was seventeen and he was seventeen and hot and it was the only logical reaction one could have.

She sighed. “Fine.” Holding her hand out, he went to grab it and pulled her up. Too hard. Julie flew forward with a squeak, straight into his chest. Instinctively, she grabbed onto his warm shoulders to steady herself while he gripped her waist. Both froze, mortified.

Because they’ve been here before. 

Last summer, after a gig in a tiki bar, the boys and her had been dancing on the beach. Far enough for no one to suspect anything, close enough to still hear the music. Luke and her had been wrapped around each other, executing salsa and tango miserably but having fun either way. She’d been giggling uncontrollably and he couldn’t keep the beam of his face when all of a sudden, their lips were a brush away. If Reggie hadn’t exclaimed he found Patrick Star, she was keenly aware of what would’ve happened. They didn’t talk about it afterwards and Julie filed it in the “Luke Patterson, My Idiot Crush”-map of her brain. 

His body was buzzing with warmth and his muscles rippled under her fingers and his shirt clung to his chest. Her physique probably left little to the imagination too right now. As if burned, Julie let go and settled her eyes back on the boys. They were, of course, eating it up like the bastards they were. 

She clapped her hands, voice an octave higher than usual. “Come on, guys! One run through!”            

Fortunately, everything went back to normal. They were still huffing and puffing, but Reggie was smiling as he found the bassline and Alex discovered that the slam of the drum relieved some heat and Luke was, you know, Luke. Julie pushed the moment to back of her mind. She only allowed herself to indulge in her dreams.

It was hard though. His hair was pushed back and his muscles were glistening like some CW character and with the heatwave, he has somehow become hotter. Did he get a tan? Was that possible? Regardless, Julie’s stomach was in knots. She tried her hardest to give him neutral glances and not like she wanted to slide her hands up his arms. Dios mio, get a fucking grip, Molina.

But then it happened. She should’ve known it would happen. And there was only Reggie to blame.

One run through became five and by then, every pore on their skin was drenched. If only she had a pool. Maybe she should text Kayla after this, beg her to let her use it. As she was debating on that, Reggie pulled of his wife beater. Which was fine. It was Reggie. It was like seeing Carlos run around shirtless after his shower. Five minutes later, Alex exchanged his t-shirt for one of Willie’s crop tops. That also, was fine. She was itching to remove her top as well, a bikini underneath, but she wasn’t sure if her nerves could handle it. 

And then Luke set his guitar down with an annoyed puff and threw his muscle tank on the ground. Julie stilled. Was he going to...? Nope. He wasn’t getting another tank. This was it. This was where she joined them on the side of the unliving. His chest was defined and smooth, abs peeking through the skin. This boy was stupidly hot. It felt illegal: a seventeen year old boy sculpted like Apollo. Her breathing quickened just like that. 

If she thought her throat was dry from the heat, she was mistaken. Julie swallowed back saliva, licked her lips and forced herself to stop ogling. Her actions weren’t fast enough though, Luke having noticed by now and grinning like he won the lottery. 

He sauntered closer, eyes gleaming with mischief and challenge. She held it, levelling his intensity with her own. “Can’t handle a little heat, Jules?”  

Internally, she was happy to be sitting behind her keyboard. Externally though, she could not let him win. If his cocky attitude was normally dialled on five, it was now up to eleven. Try me, Luke.   

She stood up and gave him an unimpressed once-over. “I’m happy you guys are getting comfortable,” she said to Alex and Reg. “Okay if I do too?”

The two nodded, Alex barely holding in a snicker and Reggie letting one out anyway. Luke’s eyes widened, bravado crashing to the floor as he put the pieces together.  

“W-wait, wha-?”

Julie grabbed the hem of her shirt and shed it off her skin. She sighed - finally, some relief from this fucking heat - and let the advantage of surprise push her to throw a prideful smirk his way. Her bikini top was nothing special, but if she had to suffer, then so did he. 

His eyes went from her chest to her face again, stammering and paralysed and yeah, she felt pretty damn attractive right now. She was going to be relishing this moment till the end of time. Smiling innocently, she leaned forward. 

“Something you wanna say, Luke?” 

Frantically shaking his head, he backed away, fingers clenching around his guitar and retreating to his designated spot. The boys were leaning against each other, giggling. 

“Nope,” he coughed, fixing a stressed smile. “Let’s keep going, yeah?”

(When later that day Luke and Julie were cleaning up the studio by themselves and he quietly told her she looked pretty in blue, the tension resolved. She then told him his eyes popped in the sunlight and after, they smiled at each other for a beat. Not heated or shy - just smiling. Open and achingly genuine. It felt like a promise, a hopeful wish that their moment on the beach would happen again.) 

(It would. Two weeks later, right at the end of the heatwave as they played at yet another tiki bar, Luke pulled her aside. Sweaty and sandy and happy, they met the other halfway for a warm kiss.)

Yeah, they could handle the heat.  

@mouse-fantoms @heademptynothoughts @blush-and-books @willexx @unsaid-emily @sophiphi

[paper-n-ashes]

sparks and embers - chapter 13

Characters: Kylo Ren x Original Female Character, Poe Dameron x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Chapter 13 - Exposure

Words: 5.5k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Descriptions medical procedures

Read on AO3 or Start from the beginning

~

“Alex! You’re okay!”

“So are you!” I burst, eyes already wet with tears of relief. My gaze darted over the holoprojection of Poe’s face, his brilliant smile beaming through from lightyears away.

“You have no idea how glad I am to see you,” he grinned, leaning closer into the holo. “We’ve been trying to make this contact for weeks.”

A dazzling joy surged in my chest, so happy that my assumptions of being forgotten were baseless. “Did you complete your mission?”

“You’re talking to the best pilot in the galaxy here.” He shot me a charming wink, maintaining his smile. “Actually made it back a few days ahead of schedule.”

Tears continued to dribble out, attempting to calm myself with a shaky exhale. “I’ve been so worried.”

Poe’s expression turned earnest. “I was going to say the same thing.” His expression fell, looking down. “I didn’t want to leave you there. I’m… I’m so sorry Alex. We’re all sorry.”

“It’s alright,” I soothed. “It was the right thing to do at the time. Did you all safely make it back to the base?”

“Left just in time to avoid their tracking systems. So your sacrifice wasn’t for nothing.”

“Indeed it wasn’t,” a woman’s voice agreed, her instantly recognisable image appearing in front of me moments later.

Leia Organa.

“I’m so glad to finally put a face to the person who saved my best fighters.”

I was awestruck at the sight of the entrancing older woman, with kind yet determined eyes looking right at me. “Well… uh… They were the ones who protected me against the Death troopers. I really didn’t do anything.”

She shook her head, smiling warmly. “We all know what you did, what you’ve endured because of your selflessness.”

“What I’ve endured?”

“We have recently gained a Resistance spy within the First Order, the one who directed you to this holoprojector,” Poe started explaining. “They’ve been keeping an eye on you. Sending us intel about your condition.”

I thought of the blonde, curled hair I glimpsed a few minutes ago, not recalling ever seeing it before. Whoever it was had obviously done his reconnaissance at a distance. “The cell stay wasn’t exactly easy,” I conceded, looking sincerely to Poe. “But I’m managing better now.”

A glaring lie.

“One thing they couldn’t tell us Alex,” Leia started, her expression now troubled. “Is why exactly they’re keeping you on the Finalizer. Our spy hasn’t been able to collect any information about the subject. To me, it seems a little... bizarre you’re being forced to work for them.”

I was stuck on how to begin to formulate an answer when a commotion from behind the two figures made them turn around.

“I heard you finally made contact!” Rey’s voice excitedly cheered from somewhere in the room, her image quickly arriving into view, displaying an enthusiastic grin as she huddled in next to Leia. “Alex! I’m so glad to see you!”

I returned a warming smile, her sunny disposition difficult not to mirror.

“Oh thank the maker,” Finn heaved, sliding alongside Rey, the four figures now pressed closely into the outline of the holo, Poe seeming faintly annoyed at the intrusion. “If I had to live through one more day of Poe ranting about this stealth signal not getting through, I was gonna go insane.”

Poe was already looking to me when I glanced at his face, an unspoken understanding exchanging between us. “Well now since apparently we’re all here,” he huffed, “Can we actually get back to the issue at hand? We’ve only got a limited amount of time before this signal becomes compromised, and the hard-lock on Alex’s comm-room door overrides.”

Leia nodded in agreement and looked at me again. “Do you know why they’re holding you there Alex?”

I was weighted with a heavy dose of terror in giving my answer, my stare shooting immediately to Rey. Her smile had faded, instead she wore an expression of reassurance.

She hadn’t told them.

“I… I… uh…” I stammered, a flurry of emotions spinning in my brain. I was so sure she would have exposed me.

“It’s okay Alex,” Rey insisted, her tone calming. “I know why you’re scared. I completely understand why you kept it a secret. But we won’t harm you because of it. I promise.”

All eyes darted to Rey, each face breaking into confusion.

Poe was the only one to say what they were all thinking. “What are you talking about?”

I felt my chest begin to tighten, oxygen becoming a little harder to grasp onto. “I’m not ready,” I whispered.

Rey’s appearance was comforting, yet serious. “It’s time. You may not be ready, but sometimes we don’t get the choice.”

I inhaled deeply, scrunching my lids closed, trying to build some sort of confidence to reject the instincts and rules I had been abiding by all these years. A lifetime of keeping my gift undisclosed, hiding it away, never getting too close to anyone, had left me more attached to my secret than anything else in the galaxy. Fear had always kept it’s hold, guiding my actions, and it was pulling at me again now, trying to warn me of the danger once more. But if I didn’t tell them, Rey would be forced to.

And above anything else, I wanted Poe to hear it from me.

“I can… use the Force,” I said slowly, most likely out loud for the first time in my life. “I taught myself… how to heal others with it, when they were close to death.” There was an excruciating silence as Poe, Leia and Finn comprehended my answer, each wearing a different expression of realisation. My stare was only focused on Poe, trying to properly gauge his reaction to my admittance of lying. “I didn’t want anyone to find out, so I’d also learnt how to hide it - to prevent other force-sensitive people from feeling my energy, from hearing my thoughts.”

“Why?” Leia asked gently. “Why were you so afraid?”

“My parents were distrustful of those who were attuned to the Force after living through a time where Darth Vader wreaked havoc on the galaxy. They told me old stories of little children being taken away from their families to be trained as Jedi, only to have all of them massacred, even the younglings. They made it seem like the most dangerous thing in the world was being someone with that gift. So even as a child, when I felt the power growing within, I pushed it down, hid it away. I didn’t want to fight in any wars, and I didn’t want to be killed. I just… wanted a normal life.”

Both Rey and Leia were nodding with me as I spoke, seeming to understand my decision.

“That’s why you were on Raxus. So isolated,” Poe murmured, not looking at me.

“Yes. I kept it a secret for as long as I could, all through my training, only using this power sporadically through the years. But I was too close to being caught whilst working in a medical camp on the Inner Rim, during a skirmish the First Order instigated on a planet because of their resources. A Stormtrooper noticed me healing one of the planet’s inhabitants, one whom he was sure he’d rendered on the brink of death. He wanted to take me to his leader, claiming he would have good use for someone with my abilities. I managed to escape him and ran, giving up my job, my home, all without telling anyone where I was going. I settled on Raxus, built my clinic, rarely having to use my power, never really worrying about being caught again. Until... Poe crashed on my doorstep.”

“And you had to use it then, didn’t you?” Rey assumed, obviously a question she had been waiting to ask. I nodded.

Finn’s eyes sparkled. “I knew it! I knew there was a reason he healed so quickly.”

The death stare Rey shot to him was severe in intensity, and under any other circumstance I would have thought it was funny. But my focus was centred completely on Poe’s expression as he remained engrossed in deliberation, his eyes still not reaching back to me.

“Is this why they’re keeping you held on the Finalizer? They wish to utilize your power to heal?” Leia guessed.

“They don’t know about it.”

Each of their expressions turned to disbelief.

“How? Surely Kylo Ren would have rummaged through your mind the minute you got on that ship,” Finn burst, turning to Rey. “That’s what he did to you right?” She nodded in agreement, still looking to me for my answer.

“I was able to keep him out, like I did to you Rey,” I replied.

Rey seemed impressed, and a realisation clicked behind her eyes. “That’s why he won’t let you leave. He hasn’t figured out why."

I became uneasy, suddenly worrying about the blame I’d been placing on her. “He thinks it’s because of you, that you’ve somehow placed a block around my mind. And I... didn’t exactly correct him.”

Rey let a sly smile form on her lips. “Well that would be a valuable thing to make use of, if only it were true.”

Finn appeared dubious. “I still don’t understand why you agreed to work for them.”

“I didn’t really have a choice,” I subtly scowled. “It was that or rot in a cell until Kylo Ren managed to infiltrate my thoughts, learning of my sensitivity to the Force, leaving me in a lot worse situation.”

Finn appeared understanding of that answer. It had been Rey’s own powers that made the man obsessed with capturing her. Leia, who had seemed more troubled while we conversed of the Supreme Leader, finally spoke up again. “How long do you think you can hold yourself against… him?”

“I don’t know.” My heart thumped with anxiety, reminded of his last attempt to penetrate my barrier. Thinking about it, with Poe’s image right in front of me, made a familiar sickness bubble in my stomach. He still refused to meet my gaze, his face pained, making an ache begin to surge in my chest.

“Well we have to make some kind of plan right? To rescue her before that happens? Poe?” Finn insisted, somehow rustling Poe out from his inner turmoil.

“Right. Sure. Of course,” he agreed, only the slightest glance in my direction. I had to clench my teeth to hold back the tears wanting to form in my eyes, his indifferent response causing a wave of guilt to wash through.

Leia could sense the tense energy exchanging between us, even through the holo. “Finn, Rey, let’s start discussing our next move. Away from the holoprojector.” She looked firmly at the two, an unspoken communication. Rey shot me a look of both support and sympathy, understanding exactly why Leia was leading them away.

“Hang in there,” Finn added before standing to leave. “We’ll get you out real soon.”

I tried my best to reply with a grateful smile, but it was hard to form through the nervousness I felt at being alone with Poe after my revelation.

One by one their figures receded from the flickering blue picture, leaving Poe alone once again. I couldn’t bring myself to speak first, unsure of what to say. He felt further away than ever, his touch a memory that continued to fade.

Time was running out, the seconds ticking away as we both waited in stillness for the other to break the strained silence. When his eyes finally drifted to me again, I was wounded by the hurt in them, still acutely obvious in the artificial image.

“Why couldn’t you tell me?” he whispered. “You had all that time.”

I dipped my head, conceding. “I was scared.”

“Scared of what?” he shot with unrestrained exasperation. “Scared that I would continue to be grateful for you saving my life?”

I looked back up, stunned by his angered tone. “I didn’t want anyone to find out, let alone someone who had ties with the Resistance.”

“What did you think I would do, what the Resistance would make you do?”

“Pull me into a war I didn’t want to fight! Lead me into a life I didn’t want to lead!”

I could see his jaw tighten, an attempt in calming himself. “The fact you assume I’m the type of person that would force you into anything, let alone war, even after everything I told you, is insulting.”

“That’s so unfair,” I retaliated, my bottom lip on the edge of trembling. “I didn’t even know who you were when I decided to heal you. I chose to risk everything to keep you alive. Doesn’t that mean anything?”

Poe exhaled hard, the sound crackling in the holo. “I will always be in your debt for what you did. But you still lied to me Alex. To my face. You assumed the worst of me, of all of us. You hid the truth because you thought we would take advantage of your power, not caring about what you wanted, what you could choose.”

“You haven’t lived my life Poe,” I argued, a ferocity beginning to rise. “You haven’t lived with the same fear I have all your life.”

He stared at me through the staticky blue light, silence once again taking over. We were locked in each other’s eyes, even through all the distance separating us.

“You pushed me away because of it, didn’t you?” he asked, the sting of his tone now gone.

I didn’t have to respond for him to know my answer. Suddenly there was a loud click of the door behind me, the hard-lock releasing.

Our time was up.

“I’m sorry,” I implored, only a moment before Poe’s face was snatched from my view, the holoprojector powering down into darkness.

My throat felt tight, a new kind of shame gripping tightly. I’d always been so afraid of sharing my secret, but not for this reason. Not because it would make me a liar in the eyes of the one I longed to be reunited with so badly.

*

I stayed in the darkened comm-room long after the hard-lock was disengaged. No one came to open it. Even if they had, they would have only found my figure sitting against one of the large data configurators, stuck in a motionless trance.

I wasn’t entirely sure what kept me from crying, because there was certainly a hollow sadness sitting on my chest, yet the emotion never seemed to manifest into anything. It was possibly due to the stark realisation that my power, my use of the Force, wasn’t a secret anymore.

And nothing bad happened.

They hadn’t been afraid, judgemental, desperate to use it for their own benefit. They had wanted nothing. Rey even kept it to herself, waiting for me to expose the circumstance in my own time, supporting the decision I’d made long ago to hold the power deep within.

Alongside the sadness, there was an intense shame thumping with my heartbeat. Poe had been right, once again highlighting my selfish and distrustful nature, even to those who didn’t deserve it. He’d always been unconditionally honest, and I had given him lies in return. He was right to be offended, to feel slighted by my deceit, our whole encounter now coloured with my dishonesty.

The only comforting part of the holoprojector discussion, apart from knowing for sure Poe with how we parted, was there was a plan being formed for my rescue. There was still a chance I might make it off this ship, escaping before Kylo Ren saw through my weakening façade. He had gotten closer than ever before in the preceding morning, and it couldn’t be long until he figured out another way to tug at my emotions hard enough to unravel me completely.

My only hope was that it wasn’t my attraction to him, the way he undeniably ignited the fire inside that he continued to toy with in his endeavour to push past the veil over my mind.

*

When I slipped back through the doors of the Prestige ward I was bombarded with questions from Risha and the other staff concerning the incidents of the night, most of them somewhat impressed with my boldness. While the others thought nothing of my return, assuming that for once justice had prevailed and I’d been seen to act in self-defence, Risha was obviously astonished I wasn’t still sitting in my cell. She followed me to the isolation room, where my intubated patient still lay in critical condition, but fortunately alive.

“How did you manage to convince them to let you out?” she questioned. “I thought I’d be visiting you in that cell.”

I read over the observations, the patient’s vitals seemingly stable during my absence.

I would need to thank Irwin later.

“I didn’t have to convince them of anything. My retaliation was considered appropriate by the Supreme Leader, so he allowed my release.”

Risha physically recoiled in disbelief. “There are like, 20 things wrong with what you just said.”

“It was a surprise to me too,” I agreed, continuing to perform my own assessment of the ill man in front of me.

“Alex, I don’t think you comprehend how unusual it is for the Supreme Leader to involve himself with matters like this.”

“I think we can both agree nothing about my situation is usual.”

“I mean, that’s true.” She folded her arms, still doubtful. “But for him to punish the Colonel instead of you. That’s just…bizarre. Snoke would never have been called to make a decision like that, let alone given any care for your wellbeing.”

I stopped, giving Risha’s answer more than a few seconds of thought. “Maybe he wants to be a different type of leader.”

She snorted. “We all know Snoke was the one who seduced him to the dark side, who turned him into what he is today. You think he would cast away his teachings, suddenly show compassion?”

“You’ve obviously given this a lot of thought,” I murmured.

“Well there’s not a lot else to talk about working on this ship. All we debated in the days after Snoke’s death, and Kylo Ren’s appointment as Supreme Leader, was whether his rule would be the same or significantly worse. No one even had the slightest notion he would be… like this.”

I shrugged, walking back to the progress notes and typing my assessment out. “Maybe he thinks if I owe him one I’ll be less likely to cause anymore issues. Maybe he hopes for me to like it here so I won’t attempt an escape.”

Risha tugged at my arm, making me look to her. “Is that something you were considering?” she whispered.

I didn’t want to give any kind of verbal confirmation to that intention, knowing now the ears always listening into our conversations. I also refused to implicate this sweet person in any of my future plans, knowing it was safer to give an overly dismissive answer. “Of course not. I wouldn’t even know how if I wanted to. I’ll just keep waiting it out. I’m sure they’ll grow bored with me eventually.”

Risha certainly wasn’t convinced, but she didn’t dictate that stance. “So how are you feeling? After… you know.”

“I’m alright,” I reassured, which was a blazing lie. “Better now knowing the Colonel won’t be back on this ward again.”

“Me too,” Risha breathed, showing me a small smile. Mild irritation sizzled knowing what it took to finally have someone to act on a predator like Colonel Wynver, still wishing his punishment would have been more severe. But I had to be appreciative that Risha, and the other women who worked here, could have some comfort due to his hopefully permanent absence from their life.

*

I farewelled Risha after making sure Irwin had given her an adequate handover of the nights new admits, noticing that more beds were now filled with those who had contracted the heavily contagious illness. There was a part of me that worried about the situation I would return to at the start of my shift this evening, but I was too exhausted to fret for too long.

I made sure to pick up a meal from the mess hall before returning to my quarters, horrendously starving from a whole shift without a chance to eat. The shower I had after ravenously devouring my food was just soothing enough to put me in a better state of mind before settling under the bed sheets to sleep, even with the ache beating slowly in the background of my mind at how Poe and I had parted from our transmission.

My only hope was Rey could make him see sense in the way I had kept my power hidden, maybe make him understand how harsh the fear was that drove me to lie.

Sleep arrived effortlessly this time, only minutes passing with my eyes closed before I was pulled into slumber.

*

When I felt my eyes open again, it was obvious I was dreaming, standing on a deserted beach, the horizon a flat line against the evening sky, a lone sun close to sinking past the ocean. It felt peaceful, a melting glow spreading through my body, relishing the sunset scene. But soon I realised I’d never been to a place like this before. I’d never even stepped close to a beach in my short life.

It was then I sensed the presence with me, the strange energy hovering far behind my figure. I went to turn, to face the mystery aura, but I was chained to where I stood, my eyes still viewing the yellowed skyline, the faint sound of small waves lapping against the shore. The energy shifted, my focus trained on its movement as it edged closer, finally taking a position just beyond my right shoulder.

“You’ve been doing spectacularly well,” a familiar voice mused.

I sighed. “I wondered when you were finally going to disturb me again. You’ve been unusually quiet.”

I felt a smile cross the figures lips, although I was unsure exactly what its face would appear as.

“You seem to be managing perfectly fine without my assistance. I didn’t feel the need to intrude.”

“As opposed to back on Raxus, when I couldn’t avoid your constant warnings?” I grumbled, recalling the many interruptions the voice had made concerning my growing attachment to Poe.

The energy moved again, my eyes darting to the space beside me, still unable to turn my head to that direction. I was only able to capture the image of a hooded figure stepping into my periphery, its face almost completely hidden by darkened brown fabric. I could just make out the shape of their lips. Human. And feminine, matching the tone I had heard in my mind for almost my whole life.

“You were making poor decisions,” the hooded woman stated. “Decisions that would bring about damaging consequences.”

“Maybe if I knew the consequences you seem to be so concerned with, I would make the right choices.”

She laughed, a low breathy chuckle that was oddly musical. “That’s not how this works. I can’t interfere with your free will.”

“Can you at least tell me what ‘this’ is? Why you’re inside my head?”

I could see her lips purse, a deliberate silence between us. “It’s not time yet. You’re not ready.”

An unwelcome shiver pulsed, irritation swelling once again. “I would ask what exactly I need to be ready for, but I can assume you won’t tell me that either.”

The woman smiled again, white teeth peeking through her lips on the edge of my vision. “I’m glad you’ve come to that understanding quickly.”

I exhaled hard, growing impatient with the interference of my much-needed sleep. “Is there a reason why you’re here now, deciding to show yourself for the first time?”

“I wanted to ensure you knew you were playing your part well, in the hopes it would encourage you to stay on this path.”

I creased my eyebrows, contemplating how any of my actions in the last few weeks would have been appropriate on this journey I was apparently walking. “And I’m assuming you’ll let me know when I might divert from this destination you’ve got in mind?”

“Indeed,” she nodded, her head lifting in time to watch the sun finally fade completely past the horizon, plunging both of us into darkness. “But I have faith you won’t require my help for the foreseeable future.”

I could only hope such a notion was true, this woman’s voice always having been a horrible strain on my thoughts. But without knowing exactly what I was doing so well, I was unsure if I could keep her intrusions from appearing again. I watched with the woman as stars began to glitter through the sky, reflecting on the stilled ocean, making an even bigger vision of night envelop the landscape. A delicate breeze of wind then brushed against my skin, and she was gone, her energy fading instantly, leaving me alone on the beach once again.

The soothing power of the twinkling scene soon made an overwhelming fatigue encircle my brain, and I was unable to prevent my eyelids from drooping closed.

*

It was obvious I’d been rustling in my sleep when I awoke again hours later, sheets twisted haphazardly over my limbs. I’d finally managed a full 8 hours, feeling the most rested I’d been in days. Although waking to an impossibly long list of questions I couldn’t get answers to didn’t exactly make me feel relaxed.

I laid on my back, wishing I could will the woman’s voice back into existence, only wanting to know why and how she housed her spirit inside my mind. The spoken warnings and guidance had always been there, pestering me with advice, sometimes threatening. But I always assumed it was a form of my own conscience, born from an unknown area of my brain that battled its morals against my decision making. Knowing now it was something more than that, that it was something or someone keeping a close watch over my actions, was oddly comforting.

Maybe I hadn’t been alone all of these years.

*

My last overnight duty before returning to the day shift was chaotic to say the least. Almost all beds of the Prestige ward became filled with viral patients, a large portion of the Finalizer Command leaders now in my company. A dark humour would have mentioned to the Resistance yesterday that this sickness was probably more incapacitating than their assaults had ever been, but I honestly didn’t want to place the idea of biological warfare inside their heads.

While my intubated patient had already improved from my last visit, I was now dealing with three more who’s health was extremely critical. I had never been so appreciative for the medical droids who worked here, their ability to recognise deteriorations in vitals being much quicker than my own.

I’d been given a status report from the rest of the ship earlier in the night, which implied the other wards were in much the same position. Although, it was interesting to note the slowing occurrence between Stormtrooper personnel, their armour and helmets seeming to provide an amount of protection that the Command leaders didn’t utilise.

The Bio-med lab had assured they would have a cure and subsequent vaccine within the next couple of days, pressing us to keep as many patients alive in the meantime. Which was easier said than done. Bacta didn’t help in eradicating the virus or it’s symptoms.

Fortunately for my own health I had already been afflicted with a strain similar during an assignment to Lothal in my training days, the illness sweeping through most of our workers, spread by one of the wounded soldiers. Luckily, none of us had been struck down too harshly, and it had left most of us somewhat immune. In knowing this however, I began to feel a looming dread for the medical staff of this ship who most likely had never been exposed before. It couldn’t be long before they themselves would need to be treated, and I prayed it wouldn’t leave me as the sole doctor still well enough to keep working in the time before a cure was found.

In the morning I handed over the night’s events to the day shift, giving strict instructions for the care of the four intubated patients, offering to return if I was required to at any time. I’d been afforded a full day cycle before returning to normal working hours, a day off of sorts, but with little freedoms being afforded to me on this ship to utilise my free time, I was quite comfortable in being called back to ease the load on the Prestige staff.

No such request had been made by the time I’d taken care of my daily routine, sleeping soundly through another 8 hours, this time without the interruption of vivid dreaming. It was early evening, which was only ever evident by the chronometer in my quarters, and I’d found myself too anxious about how the ward was coping to focus on the literature I was attempting to read.

The unease eventually caused me to change into the mundane set of informal clothes the First Order had allowed, wanting to pay a visit to the ward to ease my worry. A pair of black pants hemmed tight against the outline of my legs and a grey sweater which wrapped around my torso, leaving a bow at the back. I hadn’t pulled my hair up, assuming my visit wouldn’t actually require me to do any work. I wanted to appear as casual as possible, hopefully not implying they would be desperate for my assistance.

I was about to slip around the corner of the small lobby outside my quarters, pondering over the fact I’d never seen anyone enter or exit the two other doors, when I was disrupted by the sight of General Hux making his way down the corridor. He was alone, without his usual entourage of Stormtroopers My eyes narrowed, watching him suspiciously as he closed the space between us, noting the stressed expression he wore, his porcelain cheeks slightly red.

“What have I done this time?” I prodded as he stopped in front of me.

“I’m afraid I’m not in the mood for your juvenile mockery Miss Jago,” he snapped. “Come with me, I have a task you are required for.”

I folded my arms. “This is meant to be my day off.”

“You’ll find that I don’t particularly care,” Hux grumbled. It occurred to me how unwilling he seemed to be here, most likely a stern order behind his reason for being in my presence. “You don’t have a choice in this matter. Now follow me.”

“Could you at least tell me what you’re hauling me away to do?”

He didn’t stop his exit. “You’ll find out soon enough. I’m not going to ask you again. Follow me.”

It was curiosity that made me obey his demand, beginning to step behind the irritating man as he led me to an unspecified objective. When we started veering towards a familiar turbo-lift, noting him pressing the floor I’d memorised from the previous day, my whole body pulsed with anger.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I seethed, looking to Hux with a burning contempt.

“It was an order,” he replied sharply.

“It always is,” I fumed, leaning into the durasteel wall of the turbo-lift.

What did he want with me now?

Hux stormed ahead when the doors opened, my shorter strides barely able to keep up as we walked through the darkened hallway. With a simple wave of his hand on the security panel the blast doors opened to the room I had previously been forced into, the huge open view of endless space still taking my breath away.

Hux didn’t stop in the lounge area, instead swerving to the door at the far left, pressing a code quickly into the lock, waiting for me to enter first once it opened. I looked at Hux quizzically before moving past, taking a moment to register the scene I’d been made privy to.

My eyes scanned over Kylo Ren’s figure, now hunched into a ball underneath the sheets of his bed, a sheen of sweat noticeable on his forehead even from the doorway. He was asleep, however it didn’t appear even close to restful, his breaths loud and heaving.

“The Supreme Leader appears to be afflicted with the virus,” Hux stated in a hushed tone, still emotionless as ever. “He requires the care of a medical professional until his health returns to normal. I think you can understand the confidential nature of the task I’m giving to you.”

I nodded slowly, still stunned at what I’d walked into. “But why me? Surely there are other doctors who could do this. Ones who aren’t his hostage.”

“That is most definitely true,” Hux agreed. “But he asked for you.”

~

Next Chapter

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[pastelwitchling]

🚨 PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME YOUR SPECULATIONS/RANTS 🚨

Now, with that out of the way, let’s talk about 3x02.

Oh my gooooods, this episode, guys. This post won’t be nearly as long as last week’s (Edit from future Rin from half an hour later; it is indeed as long as the last one), but there’s quite a bit to unpack here, so let’s get started.

First, Liz. I skipped every single one of her scenes 😂 I am so bored and completely uninterested with her work in LA, and her relationship with Heath. I feel like these past two episodes, and this episode in particular, she really has nothing to do anymore with Roswell. Everyone has some role to play, but she has this whole separate storyline going on somewhere else. She just doesn’t seem to have any integral part of the story this season. So yeah, every time her and Heath came on screen, I just skipped until it was over.

Second. Y’all. I could not bring myself to skip any other scene. Everyone’s storyline was interesting enough to watch, everyone was so fascinating. I even legitimately enjoyed Maria’s scenes! (Save for the one with Michael catching her, but I really enjoyed her reaction to him! I like that they’re giving them their old banter back with none of the “romance”, if that’s what you can even call it.) I really enjoyed everyone’s scenes. There’s such a clear improvement with the writing so far (gee, I wonder what changed), and I really hope the rest of the episodes are as good and even better than this one was.

Max looked so good this episode, his smiles and laughs at the beginning -- MY HEART 😍 I’m so proud of him for having written a manuscript, and maybe it also just makes me really happy because he and I connect so much now 😂 He’s a bookworm who’s written a novel, I’m a bookworm who’s written a novel -- I just love it very much 🙈❤

Hate me all you want, I don’t care, but I thought the Wyatt and Rosa scenes were extremely cute. If the show goes in this direction of truly redeeming Wyatt, I could totally ship them. I really, really enjoyed them, they were very cute to watch. I swear, I had this smile I couldn’t help the whole time like, “Aww!”. Obviously, I want Wyatt to be properly redeemed, I want him to be an actively better person, and I want Rosa to firmly decide that he’s good first, but if they do redeem him, then I’m all for this, I really loved it 🥰💗

Michael is the Dictator’s son?! I’ll tell y’all honestly, I thought Mr. Jones was actually the Dictator, and I was really shocked in the best way. This is how you surprise your audience. Not shock for the sake of shock, but shock that is relevant, that makes sense in the story, that makes people want to keep watching, not stop. What a brilliant turn of events, and you know I had a fic planned the second it happened which will hopefully be coming soon. No promises, but I’ll do my best.

And finally, we get to my Alex. Yeah! Alex is in this! I love how the general consensus has just been shock that he’s in it at all 😂 (Hell of a job, PR team, I can see you’re really on top of things 👍🏻.) I will confess though, I was a little worried about that when I found out, just because we know that Alex has to miss two to three episodes, and I’d hoped to get them out of the way early on, but it’s Alex, so you know, the world’s a better place for it.

Alex is officially Black Widow, and I don’t normally do this, but I 👏🏻 CALLED 👏🏻 THAT 👏🏻 PLOT 👏🏻 LINE 👏🏻. The way the Black Widow movie had inspired me to write about Alex, the way I just envisioned Alex as I was watching in that theater, the number of fics I wanted to write but didn’t because I was done with aus. And then the number of non-au fics I ended up wanting to write instead. Nevertheless, it doesn’t matter because I 🌝 called 🌝 it 🌝. Here is the fic where I called it. I’m very proud of myself for that one, and even prouder of the writers for recognizing what I’d already known since the Black Widow release date.

Words cannot describe Alex’s beauty this season. In the diner, in his cute suit, in that white-tee, the scene when Ramos (who I guessed was the one conducting the psych eval the second I saw him, by the way) opens the door and the lights come back on, the purse of his lips, the way he studied the Lockhart Machine (did anyone else just immediately think of Gilderoy Lockhart when they heard the name?), when he said, “No. I’ll take this one,” like the freaking badass he is?!!! 😍

I really enjoyed this episode. Admittedly, I am worried now that Liz is back since it seems like every time she’s around, they focus too much on social issues as oppose to the actual story going on, but I’m holding out hope for the best. I had a lot of fun, I don’t trust Mr. Jones at all, even less after the way he talked to Isobel. I’m really hoping the writers don’t take the typical route of doubt gnawing away at her and then making her help Jones despite it being the obvious worst thing to do. I’m also a little frustrated malex hasn’t interacted yet, but I’m sure it’s coming, and, according to Vlamis, in a really, really good scene. I’m choosing to keep faith that these writers know what they’re doing.

Gods, could you imagine if these people had been free to work on season 2 without constant interceptions from CAM? How different life would be. Alas, there’s no use lamenting the past. I just know that I’m eager for the story to move forward, and as Alex had been, for the first time in a long time, I’m hopeful.

[fleursowl]

the one where sirius nearly dies

so!! this is written for @gaeilgelupin who got hit by a BIKE the other day and freaked me the hell out, but she has now recovered and i love her 🥰

“Where is he?” Remus demanded as soon as he’d pushed through the doors of the hospital, whirling around to find the reception desk.

He quickly hurried over, ignoring the strange looks thrown his way at his dramatic entrance and dishevelled appearance- and maybe also because of the strikingly good looking boy that was storming along with him.

“Remus, how do these muggle hospitals work?” James asked, far too loudly all things considered, and Remus elbowed him to shut up as he impatiently hopped from foot to foot to wait their turn at the desk.

As soon as they’d reached the front James near jumped over the counter in his desperation, Remus having to physically restrain him from strangling the unhelpful receptionist despite feeling like doing so himself.

Remus tugged James backwards with a tight hold on his shirt, dragging him over to stand by the elevator door. To the casual observer, Remus probably seemed the face of utter composure and calm, yet his frantic jabbing at the elevator door button and subconscious chewing on his lip as his now darkened amber eyes darted around betrayed him to those who knew him best.

Finally, the doors opened, and the two boys reeled backwards at the figure that emerged from them.

“Oh. Hello.” Regulus Black said a little awkwardly, adjusting his yellow scarf around his neck uncomfortable.

James simply stared at him, having not seen him since they had left Hogwarts, and had no knowledge that he and Sirius were on visiting-each-other-in-hospital terms.

Remus rolled his eyes a little at James’ incompetence, stepping forwards to shake Regulus’ hand rather more frantically than he would’ve liked.

“Good to see you, Regulus. I’d love to stay and talk, but…” Remus trailed off hopefully, not wanting to outright say it but hoping that Regulus would catch onto his meaning.

Regulus nodded with a tight-lipped smile, his eyes darting over to James’ flushed face and back.

“He’s in room seven, fourth floor. See you again, maybe.” Regulus said briskly, smoothly gliding past them and out of the hospital doors.

“Well, at least that means he isn’t dead,” Remus muttered as the two stepped into the now-empty elevator.

He glanced over at James in the mirror, taking quick note of his flustered expression and fidgety hands.

“Do you want to talk-” Remus started saying, but was quickly shut down.

“No.” James replied, simply but firmly. “One thing at a time. Let’s go find Sirius and see what mess he’s got himself into.”

Remus nodded, and James shot him a grateful look, forever thankful for his friend’s ability to understand everything.

As soon as they reached Sirius’ door James pushed right on through, but Remus paused, hesitated before he could follow him.

‘What are you doing? Go on, go to him!’ Remus’ heart yelled, but his feet were frozen by the mantra repeating in his mind.

‘What if he is dead? What if he doesn’t want to see you? What if he’s hurt so bad he doesn’t remember you?’ A nasty voice whispered at the back of Remus’ mind, and he shook his head, a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“Re?” a voice called weakly from inside the room, and it flipped Remus’ stomach. He hurriedly rushed inside, cursing himself for daring to hesitate.

Inside, Sirius was lying in bed in a spacious but still somehow cramped hospital room, James sitting next to him on a flimsy plastic chair. Remus stood there, his eyes taking in the sight of Sirius wounded, hospitalised.

It was both better and worse than his mind had imagined.

For one, Sirius was alive, sat up, he was speaking, he remembered Remus, he still loved and wanted to see him, and the smile still in his face settled Remus’ worries slightly.

However, the bruising all along his face- a purple cheek, a crooked nose, a split and puffy lip, scrape marks on his chin and forehead, a black eye- were far more vivid than Remus could’ve visualised. His arm had been put in a cast, there were bandages around his waist, and his leg was suspended in a slightly stiff position.

“Baby,” Remus breathed in horror, rushing over to Sirius with anxious hands, wanting to touch, to heal, to hold, but not wanting to hurt Sirius more in the process.

“C’mere,” Sirius laughed, reaching shakily with his unbandaged hand to wrap it around Remus’ waist, tugging the boy to him gently.

Remus gently wrapped his arms around Sirius, burying his face in Sirius’ hair and breathing in his scent. Okay, okay. Sirius was still here. He still had him.

James fidgeted in the seat beside the bed, wanting to join and hold his best mates, but not wanting to interrupt their moment.

“Get over here, Jamie.” Sirius said in a slightly muffled voice, wrapped up in Remus’ arms and oversized sweatshirt.

He let out a happy noise of relief, hopping onto the bed and covering the two with his arms as best he could, feeling as though in some small way he could protect them all from the dangers of the outside world.

Once they had all calmed down a little, James and Remus pulled back to sit in their respective chairs and Sirius smiled a little smugly in the middle- now that he had recovered a little and was with his two favourite people, he was quite enjoying the extra attention he got.

“So. How did you end up here?” Remus said rather sternly, his chin rested on his folded hands, and Sirius squirmed a little in guilt.

“I got hit by a bike-“ he started explaining, but was interrupted by James’ shriek.

“A bike? A BIKE? A muggle did this? By Merlin I swear I’ll hunt them down and-“

Sirius waved him off with a grin, patting James’ frantically moving hands.

“Don’t worry Jamie, they’re the one who found my phone to call my emergency contacts once the am-bu-lance came to get me.” Sirius said carefully, glancing over at Remus to check he’d pronounced it properly.

Remus nodded absentmindedly, trying to piece together the events and work through it logically.

“So you have Regulus as an emergency contact, still?” he asked gently, watching carefully for Sirius’ reaction.

Sirius’ face lit up a little and he nodded eagerly, but not before glancing over at James to check it was okay he spoke about it.

James waved his approval with rather flushed cheeks, and Sirius launched into an explanation.

“It’s great news, really- I never could face removing him from my phone as an emergency contact, and so the person who hit me- their name was Alex- called him as well as you two, and he got here sooner because he’s living in London now, moved out of my parents’ place.” Sirius began saying, and Remus watched with pride as Sirius’ face no longer flickered with hurt at the thought of his parents and the time he’d spent living there. Wizard therapy really did wonders.

“Anyway, he came in to see me, gave me the shock of my life, nearly finished me off to be honest- and once he’d made sure I was alright and laughed at me for getting hurt by a bike of all things, not even a motorbike, he started telling me about how he met this person- their name was-is, but he’s not seeing them anymore- Taylor, and they’re a muggle, and Regulus really liked them and he left my parents’ house once and for all, and moved in with Taylor, and things ended up just not working out, so he’s got his own place in London now, and is focusing on his education- he’s going to university.” Sirius finished breathlessly, his face glowing with pride.

James nodded along with a more sober yet unreadable expression, making noncommittal noises here and there at appropriate times.

“That’s really good, Pads. We can go visit him when you’re a little better.” Remus said softly, squeezing Sirius’ hand.

“How long until you’re allowed out? Lily and the others will probably wanna come see you too.” James asked, and Remus noted with another glimmer of pride that he didn’t stumble over his ex’s name anymore. Hopefully that would make things less awkward at the next Hogwarts reunion.

“Not sure, it already feels like i’ve been here for ages.” Sirius whined, throwing his head back and wincing a little.

Remus reached out and put his hand on Sirius’ neck, tilting it forwards again and putting a pillow behind it.

“Just focus on getting better, love, and I’ll get you back home as soon as possible.” he said, and Sirius softened a little.

“Doctor’s orders, eh?” James grinned, leaning back in his chair with his arms behind his head, and Remus was struck with a very vivid memory of James trying to impress Lily in every class, ever back at Hogwarts.

He sat back a little, still holding Sirius’ hand, and watched Sirius and James get into an argument over whether surviving getting hit by a motorbike or a double-decker bus was more cool, and smiled contentedly. They might be a bunch of barely-alive, struggling for cash misfits, but they had each other, and that was enough.

[psychovigilantewrites]

Don’t Call Me That Pt. 2

Wordcount: 10,129

A/N:  I thought this part 2 would total up to 10k words, but when it hit 10k, I realised that I was only about 65 percent done. So based on the responses I got from tumblr, I decided to publish this first and then conclude the story later on!

TW:  mentions of r*pe, mentions of torture, mentions of drugging someone (??) , mental breakdowns, vulnerability, descriptions of anxiety

Also, HERE’S MY FAV MEMES!! I’m so sorry that I can’t tag respective meme creators, because I saved them on my phone and some of them I forgot to include your usernames!! I’M SO SORRY!!! And honest to god is wear there were more but i must have lost them im so sorry im so incompetent lmao

memeesss

You glanced at your phone.

It had already been a week in Hawaii with your friends, and Jason still hadn’t texted you.

Well, you should have expected it, really. Jason was a traumatised, mentally ill man who had been locked away for two years.

Of course he wouldn’t text you first.

You had contemplated texting him over the past few days, typing in an array of messages ranging from a simple “hey” to a whole paragraph, and deleting all of it without hitting send. Did he even switch the phone on? Was he surfing the internet? Or was the phone still there on the shelf where you had left it.

It was driving you crazy.

“Do you have a boyfriend we don’t know about?” a voice called.

You looked up and squinted at the man who was standing up, looking down at you. You were sitting on the beach, a little further away from the ocean where your friends were.

“What are you talking about?” you asked as Alex plopped down next to you.

“You’ve been fidgety the whole time,” he pointed out, combing back his dark shoulder length hair with his fingers, getting sand in them. “We’re on a private beach, and you’ve been fussing over your phone. Who are you talking to?”

“No one,” you grumbled truthfully.

“The girls have been gossiping,” he gestured to the two other girls playing in the water. Your closest friends. It was four of you in that inseparable group.

“Of course they have,” you groaned, “Tell them to SAY IT TO MY FACE, COWARDS!”

You shouted at them, earning you grins and middle fingers from the distance.

“They’re saying you’re in love with someone,” he chuckled, “But they always say stupid shit like that without any evidence. But sometimes, a girl’s intuition is just right, ya know?”

“Stop beating around the bush, Alex,” you rolled your eyes at him despite knowing he couldn’t see past your sunglasses. “No, I’m not in love. I’m just waiting for a text that might never come.”

“Why don’t you text him first?”

“Because it’s not as simple as that!” you flailed your arms, “He’s… complicated. I can’t just text him anything.”

“Girl, unless he’s Mr. Nottingham, or related to you, then it really isn’t that complicated,” he joked.

“Ugh,” you groaned again, falling back onto the cloth you spread out. “Fine. I’ll text him.”

“Atta girl,” Alex grinned, “I’m gonna head back in the water. Join us after. Please?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you waved.

Opening the text window for what had to be the thirtieth time, you finally decided to text him.

You: Miss me yet?

Staring intently at the small ‘sent’ below your message bubble, you waited for it to turn to ‘delivered’.

“Yes!” you hissed. It meant that Jason had indeed switched on the phone.

But after twenty minutes you realised that it didn’t matter if Jason switched on the phone if he didn’t want to talk to you. Cursing to yourself, you decided to join your friends in the water, hoping it’ll distract you from checking your phone every five minutes for a text message that might never come.

After an hour of actually spending time with your friends, all four of you returned to the villa, your mood elevated. Checking your phone, you could have jumped for joy when you saw not one, but four consecutive texts in a row.

Jason: Duck off. Jason: What the duck Jason: WHY CANT I SAY DUCK Jason: I DUCKING HATE THIS

You couldn’t let out a string of giggles.

“Oooh, lover boy texted you back, huh?” Alex peeked over your shoulder. “Gimme, I wanna mess with him.”

He snatched your phone from your hands, surprisingly swift and smooth for a civilian, raising it way above his head so you couldn’t reach it and opened the camera.

“Alex-!”

He threw his other arm over your shoulder and pulled you into his bare chest, crushing you before you could tackle him down. He snapped a picture and sent it.

You froze in horror.

“Why the hell did you do that?!” you yelled.

“Relax, I was just messing around,” he gave your phone back to you.

“You don’t- you don’t understand, you fucking asshole!” you screamed.

“I- I’m sorry,” Alex stuttered, surprised by your reaction. “I was just-”

“Fuck off!” you snapped.

Panicking, you saw the little notification below the picture turning from Received to Read.

No. No, no, no, no.

This was bad.

You didn’t want to overwhelm Jason by sending him photos of your activities, thinking that he might react badly to the sudden surplus of familiarity and sense of being close to someone. Now you were worried that he might start to push you away in fear, reverting back to how he was before, and months of progress would have been all for nothing.

He would probably start swearing at you, or worse- switch off the phone and reject any form of communication completely. You hurriedly texted a reply.

You: I’m so sorry! I didn’t send that, my friend was just messing around.

Expecting the worst, you braced yourself for the inevitable. Instead, he sent you:

Jason: Who the hell is that guy?? Jason: Why are you in your underwear??

Your mouth hung open as you stared in shock at the screen. Because you took so long to recover from the shock, he sent you another message.

Jason: ???

Snapping out of it, you texted back.

You: That’s just my friend. Sorry about that! And I’m not in my underwear, it’s a bikini! I’m in Hawaii.

You waited for him to reply, but ten minutes of you sitting anxiously on the turquoise sofa in the middle of the villa listening to the waves of the beach outside from the open doors passed by, and he still hadn’t.

Perhaps he’s busy- wait. There’s no way Jason would be busy. You tried to coax him into a conversation.

You: You can turn off your autocorrect if you want to swear without hassle. Go to your Keyboard settings.

You plopped your phone on the empty seat next to you and dried your hair.

“Ugh, come on!” complained Natalie, fully clothed and washed, walking towards the open concept kitchen from her room. “You’re getting sand everywhere!”

“Woops, my bad,” you grinned.

“There’s a shower outside on the porch for a reason you know,” she flipped her blond beach waves at you, looking through the fridge.

Alex stood quietly at the kitchen island, now scared to say anything.

You rolled your eyes. “Just don’t do it again.”

“Okay, I promise!” he grinned.

Ding.

Jason: fuck. fuck. fucking fuck. Jason: found it. You: Proud of you, man.

You went to your room and showered, then dried off and put on fresh clothes while waiting for Jason to reply.

Of course, he never did.

Groaning, you had to remind yourself that he was not used to human interaction, and texting would come unnaturally to him. Which meant that you had to be the one to keep the conversation going.

You: Do anything interesting since I left?

You saw him typing almost immediately this time.

Jason: no.

Of course not.

You: Have you been eating properly? Jason: yeah.

God, it was so difficult. You were in the middle of typing something when he replied again.

Jason: yoire not my mom Jason: yoire Jason: YOIRE Jason: FUCK WHY CANR I TYPE

You felt guilty for laughing, but you did anyway.

You: Now that you switched off autocorrect, it won’t correct your typos and misspells anymore. Jason: i fucking knw that. Ive been gone for two yeard not twenty. You: Then why do you sound like a grandpa? Jason: BECAISE YOU GAVE ME A FUCKINF IPHONE!! I USED AN ANDROID!!

Now you were really laughing out loud, so you sent him a GIF of a woman rolling her eyes.

Jason: wtf you can send gifs throug text now?? You: Welcome to 2020, my dude. Jason: im not your fucking dude

Typing a reply, Jason interrupted you once again.

Jason: teach me how to do that

Smiling widely, you found that you couldn’t wait for the next week to pass by so you could go back and see him.

***

“How’s Jason?” you asked the minute you reached the Cave computers, panting from the run down.

“Wow, hello to you, too,” Dick chuckled, spinning towards you on the wheeled chair.

It was a Sunday afternoon, and Bruce and Dick were in front of the computers, discussing a case that had connections to Bludhaven Police Department.

Gone for two weeks, you had a lot to catch up on.

“According to Alfred, he’s doing well,” Bruce answered, “Even started to ask for seconds last week. Now Alfred has been making portions for two.”

“He asked? For seconds?” you gasped. “How?”

“He left a note on the tray two days after you left. He’s been making meal requests, too. Texts Alfred in the morning to let him know.”

“Texted?!”

“Alfred slipped his number on the tray in case Jason wanted anything specific.”

“I slipped mine as well, but he hasn’t texted me yet,” Dick pouted.

“When did he start texting?” you ignored Dick.

“Last Sunday.”

So the same day you started texting him, then.

“He hasn’t texted me,” Dick sighed, looking dejected like a kid who was told Disneyland blew up.

“He’ll come around, Dick,” you offered him a smile, “I mean- he’s already texting Alfred!”

“Yeah,” he lamented.

“Okaaay, nice talk. I’m gonna go see him now, bye.”

You ran to the box, but stopped right before you opened the internal door. After checking your hair with your phone camera, you tried to stifle the butterflies in your stomach.

Ugh, you were so fucked.

Taking a deep breath, you knocked on the door.

“Yeah,” Jason’s muffled grunt answered you.

Pushing it open, your eyes immediately went to the bed only to find that he wasn’t lounging around reading a book like you expected. Instead, your mouth dropped open when you saw him on the floor, doing push ups.

Shirtless.

Jason had changed drastically during the two weeks you were gone. You noticed that he had definitely gained weight, as well as muscle mass.

“Uh, wh-what are you..?”

He stood up, and you swore your heart skipped a beat.

His muscles were much more prominent and defined now, and he looked like he was going to achieve Dick’s physique if he kept it up for another month or two.

“Welcome back,” he simply said before taking gulps from a water bottle you definitely had not seen before.

“Thanks,” you walked over and sat on his bed, “I’m glad to see that you decided to start taking care of yourself again.”

“What, this? This isn’t for me.”

“Huh?” you cocked your head in curiosity.

“I… I lost a lot of muscle mass. My body- it isn’t how it used to be,” he frowned, “And I can’t have you lusting over it when it’s not at its peak.”

“What- what do you-?” you stammered, suddenly getting hot.

Jason merely smirked and then continued his push ups.

You watched as his developing muscles rippled, a thin layer of sweat making his skin glisten in the light. It was amazing how he had progressed so much in such a short period of time. You guessed that he must have just been occupying his days by working out.

No wonder he’s been asking for seconds.

“Enjoying the view?” Jason breathed, pausing with his arms straightened, his head angled upwards towards you.

“No, shut up,” you looked away.

“Here, be useful,” he started, “Sit on my back.”

“What?”

“I’ve gotten used to my own body weight, I need extra resistance,” he elaborated, “Come on, sit on my back.”

“But it’s all sweaty,” you whined, pretending to protest. Definitely pretending- for the sake of your own dignity.

You got up and went over towards him anyway.

Carefully, awkwardly, you sat on his back as you would a park bench. You rested your palms flat against his sticky skin to stabilise yourself. Suddenly, he dipped down without warning, earning a soft squeal from you.

“Fuck, you’re heavy,” he strained, but continued to do the push ups. He was shakier, struggling with the weight, and after twenty-five, he paused. “Okay, I think I’m done.”

But before you had the chance to get off him, he suddenly stood up, throwing you off his back to have you fall on the floor on your ass.

“Jason, you assho-” you clapped your hand over your mouth, realising what you had just said.

Oh, no. Oh, fuck.

He stood towering over you, his jaw clenching as he stared you down with his cold, blue eyes.

“I’m so sorry! I forgot! It was a reflex and-”

“Whatever. I don’t care anymore,” he rolled his eyes, reaching for his bottle.

You blinked. Then scrambled to your feet.

“You don’t care anymore?” you repeated slowly.

“I don’t care if you call me that,” he huffed.

That made your heart swell and melt at the same time.

“I got used to your voice,” he mumbled, expression changing as he looked away. He frowned, as if he was angrily staring at a distant object.

You had just guessed that he didn’t like to be called his name because of a sense of familiarity, but now you were thinking that there was much more to that than what you had originally thought.

“So, I can call you… Jason?” you tested.

“Yeah, call me whatever you want,” he sat on his bed, looking up at you.

You smiled, thankful that you had finally crossed that bridge. “You know, I could get some workout stuff for you? Weights, bands, that bar thing that you can put at your door frame for pull ups…”

“You’d like to see that, huh?” he smirked.

“You flatter yourself too much,” you scoffed.

“How was Hawaii?” he changed the subject all of a sudden.

“It was fun. Beach was great, locals were great, loved the vibe- what are you doing?”

Jason had stood back up and started to walk closer and closer to you, getting all up in your space like a predator finally cornering its prey. You kept on taking steps back until your ass hit the edge of the desk.

Nowhere else to run, your heart started hammering. He leaned in, his hands resting on the desk on either side of your body, trapping you against the table and himself. You looked up and gulped. You could almost feel the heat radiating from his bare skin.

“Are you afraid of me?” he muttered lowly.

“Why would I be afraid of you?” you whispered.

“You tell me,” he said.

“Well, I’m not afraid of you,” you stated.

“Oh really?” he raised an eyebrow. Then, you felt his hand grip your wrist tightly, pressing down on your skin with his fingers. “Your pulse is very fast for someone who’s not afraid of me.”

“It’s because you’re all up in my space!” you argued.

“Didn’t look like you mind when your friend,” he snarled the word, “was all up in your space.”

“My friend? What- oh,” you widen your eyes in realisation, “You mean Alex.”

“Is that his name?”

“Alex is just a friend, nothing more. He’s just someone I’m close to,” you reassured him.

Which then made you think about why you were reassuring him.

“Oh, you were definitely close to him,” Jason growled.

“Wait- are you… jealous?” a smile creeped your lips.

He scowled at you for a few moments, and you could see the little tics in his expression that said he was annoyed. The flared nostrils, the muscles of his jaw clenching and unclenching, the very slight twitches at the corner of his left eye.

“No,” he finally said, taking a step back from you. “I’m going to shower. Since you couldn’t stop staring at me, the invitation is still open for you to join.”

“You know, I’m starting to think that maybe I prefer it when you were broody instead of this. Please go back to your depressive mental state,” you sarcastically replied.

Jason barked out an actual laugh. Though his laugh was odd, like someone who’s only now discovering that humans were indeed capable of laughter, you found comfort in it. It was no longer hysterical and devoid of humor. He was getting better, learning to embrace a connection with someone, and it made you extremely happy.

“Maybe I should,” he answered with a cheeky glint in his eye, “Then that way you can give me more sponge baths.”

He left you alone in his room, flushed and at a loss for words.

***

“I find it very odd that people would yell ‘Batman!’ when they realise you’re there,” you rambled while climbing out of the Batmobile.

You were absolutely drenched from the downpour that had been going on all night. It was 4 am on a friday night and you had just returned from patrol.

Bruce took off his cowl immediately, revealing tired eyes despite the relatively slow night.

“It’s like they’re saying ‘Look at me! I’m here! Please knock me out or hang me upside down from the-’ Bruce?”

Bruce had stiffen, staring at something behind you. You turned around and was shocked to see Jason in the mid-distance, sitting on the ground outside the black box that was his room, leaning against the cool metal.

He himself was staring intently at Bruce, not even sparing you a glance.

You looked back and forth between the two men, sensing a high tension silent conversation.

Then, Bruce’s eyes relaxed and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards ever so slightly in that hardly-there-Bruce-smile.

He gave Jason one stiff nod of understanding, then walked away to the computers at the other end of the cave, leaving you alone with his son.

Jason relaxed as you walked over to him, wringing your hair to squeeze out all the excess water.

“Aw, you waited up for me,” you teased, standing in front of him with your hands on your hips, grinning away.

“Fuck off,” he snorted, “I was bored.”

You noticed him clenching his jaw as he looked at you from top to bottom, eyes lingering longer on the ‘R’ on your left breast.

Ah, it was his first time seeing you in your uniform.

His uniform.

Suddenly, you felt like an imposter in those colors and had the strong urge to rip the uniform off.

You wanted to say something, but Jason beat you to it.

“There were times in that shit hole where I wanted to burn that uniform off my skin,” he grit, “Kept on thinking to myself. I wish I never became Robin. I wish I never met Bruce Wayne.”

Your heart shattered at his confession. It was extremely rare for him to bring up anything related to his two year torture, and the previous times were never in such detail.

Realising you needed to say something, you opened your mouth. “I’m so-”

“Don’t,” he cut you off, “You don’t have to say anything.”

Yes, sometimes you knew that he just wanted you to listen.

You nodded silently and went to sit next to him on the floor.

“It… suits you,” he forced out.

“Hmm?”

“The uniform. It suits you. More than it ever suited me,” he grumbled.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I think your ass would look quite nice in green,” you joked, nudging his shoulder with your own.

He chuckled deeply, nudging you back even harder- hard enough for you to lose your balance and topple sideways, earning another breathy laugh from Jason.

***

Another month passed by, and you found yourself falling deeply for Jason- much to your dismay. You knew Jason wasn’t ready for any kind of intense emotions, and that it would take a very long time before he was.

So you swallowed your emotions down, stifling them and hoping it would go away.

The two of you had developed a pleasant friendship, often bickering and joking around, with Jason teasing you about your obvious physical attraction to him.

He also now occasionally waited outside his cube for you to come back after patrol, never really venturing too far from it, and still avoiding contact with both Bruce and Dick. Only you and Alfred had the privilege to speak to him.

Even then, sometimes you would visit his room but only getting a “I’m not feeling it today. Please leave.”

Understandingly, you would nod silently and leave him alone. You knew he still had his bad days, sometimes not eating his meals.

But mostly, he was getting better, both mentally and physically.

With nothing much to do the whole day, Jason was now obsessed with working out and bulking up. He now had a few simple equipment in his room- mostly weights.

You figured that it was a coping mechanism for him, a healthy outlet to channel all his rage and negative emotions into.

But come on. He was getting even hotter and it was making it extremely difficult for you to stop yourself from checking him out, fantasizing about him when he wasn’t around. Still, you couldn’t complain. Even though he hadn’t reached Dick’s size yet, he was very near to it, and his naturally bigger body frame and build made up for the still developing muscles.

Hell, he was now sporting a six pack.

But you knew that he was still not as well as you hoped he would be. The bloodshot eyes he had was proof that he doesn’t sleep well- and you soon found out why.

It was a little past midnight on your night off from patrol, and you were using your break in the best way you could think of- by sleeping. Something woke you up that night.

A soft knock on your door.

You frowned, eyes still closed, wondering who it was.

Bruce would usually knock twice. Strong, clear, and with purpose. Dick would start pounding rapidly on your door, annoying you intentionally. Alfred would give three soft knocks followed by a ‘Miss?’

Your eyes flew open. There was only one other person in the manor.

Throwing your covers aside, you jumped out of bed and rushed to the door to open it.

Jason stood outside your door in the dim lights of the hallway, frowning and running his fingers nervously through his messy dark hair. He was wearing a t-shirt with boxers, standing awkwardly.

“Jason?” you hated how your voice sounded so sleepy. You cleared your throat. “Are you okay? Would you like to come in?”

He nodded silently, and you made way for him to enter before closing the door behind you.

“Sit on the bed,” you told him while jumping back into yours, sitting up cross legged.

The bed dipped when he sat on it, copying your motion and crossed his legs.

You waited for him to say something, your eyes straining to catch his in the dark. But he just remained silent, staring into space and avoiding your eyes.

“How did you know this was my room?” you asked, starting with a light topic.

“Only one that was locked. I already know where everyone else sleeps,” he explained.

“That’s right,” you realised, “I tend to forget that you’re probably even more familiar with the manor than I am.”

“Did you know there’s an old dumbwaiter in Bruce’s room?” you saw him smirk from the shadows that was casted on his face, “I used to hide in there, waiting to catch him off guard.”

“What? Why?”

“Dick and I, we had a bet,” he recalled the memory, “Whoever gets to surprise Bruce first would owe the other a special favor. Only rule was that we had to have it on video as proof.”

You appreciated that moment, the first time he ever spoke about both Dick and Bruce as a fond memory.

“I won, by the way,” he continued, “But- I forgot to press record on my phone.”

“Oh, no,” you groaned for him.

“Yeah, and Dick refused to believe me,” he chuckled, “That old man didn’t want to admit it either. But I swear- the look on his face when I jumped out while he and some model were going at it- priceless.”

Your jaw dropped, and then you burst into a fit of laughter, tears filling your eyes.

“You- you- you jumped out on him while he was having sex?!” you squealed.

“Yeah,” he grinned, “I didn’t even care that it sort of scarred me, because I managed to catch Batman off guard.”

The both of you laughed, his deep voice mingling with your own on that quiet night.

“I’m glad you’re here, Jason,” you smiled warmly at him.

But then, his smile fell.

“I hate my name now.”

“I’m sorry,” you began, “You said it was okay to call you that, so I-”

“No, it’s fine,” he started running his fingers through his hair again, “It’s just- I don’t know.”

“You can tell me anything,” you reassured, “It won’t leave this room. I promise.”

He looked at you, worry in his eyes. “Okay. Fine. Yeah.”

You waited for him to begin.

He took a deep breath. “I’ve been having nightmares. Almost every night. It’s always the same one.”

“You want to tell me about it?” you prompted him after waiting for him to continue.

“I hate my name because he said it a lot. Joker,” he scowled, “After repeatedly burning my skin for my name, it’s like that’s all he said. In that annoying, high pitched, sing-song voice of his. Jason, Jason, Jason. It made me hate my name. It made me hate hearing it.”

“I- I didn’t know how much time passed when I was in there,” he continued, “But, fuck. It was- it was hell. And the worst part was that I kept on waiting for Bruce. Waiting and hoping for him to find me and save me. I was so desperate. You- I-”

He choked on his words. His eyes were squeezed shut and his lips tight.

You wanted to reach out to him, hug him, tell him that everything was okay now. But you didn’t. You waited for him to collect himself so he could finish telling you his story, just like how he wanted to.

“Anyway, I- despite all that,” he sighed, “That was the only thing that kept me sane. I kept on clinging onto the hope that he was out there, searching. And that helped for a while. Until- until that happened.”

He was breathing heavily now, fidgeting more. Jason was definitely getting increasingly agitated the deeper he went.

“Fuck,” he breathed, “Fuck.”

The moment you realised he was crying was when he let out a sniffle. You automatically took his hand in yours, squeezing it as a form of comfort.

“It’s okay,” you told him, “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready.”

“No,” he shook his head, “I need to. I have to. I can’t take this anymore. Keeping everything in, I feel like I’m about to fucking explode.”

“Okay, then take it slow,” you said, “No rush. Anytime you’re ready.”

He nodded, eyes still closed, as if he was afraid of letting you see him cry.

“One night,” he began, “I think- I don’t know what was different- but I think something went wrong for him. Or right? That’s how it was. Tormenting me was fun, but it was also an outlet for him. But at the same time when he was happy, he also tortured me. He came to me, and- injected me with some sort of drug. That never happened before. He made sure that my head was clear whenever he hurt me so that I could feel everything he did.”

“But- he did- and- immediately, I felt weak,” he continued, “I mean, I was already weak. But my head. It was cloudy. I remember everything clearly, but it was like my brain couldn’t process it, couldn’t communicate with my body. I felt like I was looking out through a window that was my eyes- like I was in someone else’s body, experiencing someone else’s moments.”

“He released me,” Jason’s voice was now barely a whisper. “He released me from the ropes, and I fell to the floor. And then he- he- fuck.”

He let go of your hand and started pulling at his hair, rocking back and forth on your bed. He was sobbing now, his shoulders jerking up in sharp intakes of breaths. The only thing you could do was to stay silent and hold back your own tears.

You rested your hand on his knee, giving him a textile connection with reality so he doesn’t fall into his own thoughts.

“You- he- he- ruh- ruhp-”

Your heart sank to your stomach in horror as you realised what Jason was trying to say. It was as if you were plunged into icy water, chills running down your spine at the true revelation of what he had gone through in that cursed cell.

“Oh, no,” you breathed.

“He pushed me down,” he choked, “Pushed me down and climbed on top. I- I couldn’t even fight him. I was- I was conscious the whole time and I knew what was happening, but I couldn’t fucking do anything.”

Your tears were falling down now, both at the sight of Jason looking so vulnerable and fragile, and at his confession. Not being able to help yourself, you threw your arms over his neck and crashed into his hard body, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.

His arms immediately wrapped around you, clutching you so hard it was painful as he buried his own face into your shoulder.

“And he kept on saying my name,” he said in muffled cries, “Jason, Jason, Jason. The whole fucking time. And- and I knew. He didn’t do it for pleasure. He did it to torment me. He- he didn’t even- he didn’t even finish.”

Jason sobbed into your skin for the next few minutes, his tears soaking through your night shirt. “But I did. Even though it was painful. Fuck, the pain was worse than anything he had ever done to me before. But- he- I- I fucking came.”

The both of you were sobbing now, his ragged breaths mingling together with your own on that quiet night.

His grip on you was tight, as if he thought that if he let go, you would disappear. So he clung onto you with all his might to keep you there with him as he recalled the horrific events.

“That's what broke me. I was so disgusted with myself. I hated myself. And he- he saw everything and- and laughed. He laughed so hard, I thought he was going to choke and die. I’ve never seen him laugh like that. And I remember every single fucking moment of being helpless on that fucking floor while he- fuck. Fuck.”

“And then he left. He left me on the floor bleeding and I never saw him again. And I went fucking insane. I tried to kill myself so many fucking times. So many times, I lost count. That’s what I dream about every night. His laughs, and his ‘Jason, Jason, Jason’.”

And that was that. That was the story.

The end of Jason Todd.

The both of you cried long and hard that night in each other’s arms. Eventually, you both lied down on the pillows together, underneath the covers.

“Please don’t tell Bruce,” he whispered to you.

Your head was on his chest, his big arms wrapped around your waist, your legs tangled with his.

You smiled at that. Even with the trauma, even with the sense of abandonment he felt, he still wanted to protect Bruce from knowing the truth.

Because the both of you knew that the truth would kill him.

“I promise,” you whispered back.

And then the both of you fell asleep together.

***

“Has Jason been sleeping in your room with you?” Bruce asked you on one fine Saturday morning at breakfast.

It had been about a week and a half since the first time Jason knocked on your door and poured out his feelings to you.

“He gets nightmares,” you tried to explain.

He thought that if he told you everything, the nightmares would stop. But it didn’t. But he then realised that the only thing that made it better was sleeping by your side, having someone there to wake him up from living his own hell in a loop.

“And do the two of you… Just sleep?” Bruce frowned.

“Yes!” you widen your eyes in horror at the insinuation. “Bruce! Come on!”

“I know you have feelings for him, and I’m sure he does for you as well. But I don’t think something like that is what Jason needs right now,” he stated.

“Yes, I know!” you groaned at the thought having that kind of conversation with him, “Jesus, Bruce. I know. I’m just there to wake him up or help him fall back asleep. Nothing more.”

Bruce nodded, deep in thought. “Has he… told you? About what happened?”

You pursed your lips. “Yes.”

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“No.”

“Hmm,” his frown went deeper. “I understand. He will tell me when he is ready.”

“Exactly,” you smiled, hiding the fact that Jason may never tell Bruce what happened. Never the full story.

“He still hasn’t left the manor?”

“No,” you sighed, “I asked him if he wanted some fresh air. Just outside the main door, not even going down the steps. But he refused. Told me to, and I quote, ‘Fuck off’.”

“Well, he’s only just left the cave, and it’s just to your room,” Bruce thought out loud, “It’s still progress. Especially since he’s been talking to you about the past.”

“He only spoke about it one time,” you said, “And then never again.”

“I see,” he hummed, “And you’re okay with him sleeping with you?”

“Next to me, Bruce, sleeping next to me,” you corrected.

“Yes, and you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah, it’s all good,” you assured him, “I can kick him out any time I want- but I don’t want to. He looks like a lost puppy sometimes.”

“An angry lost puppy.”

You chuckled at that and couldn’t agree more.

*** While Jason got the sleep he needed when he was next to you, it was counterproductive on your end. You had never been with anyone before, and definitely had not slept on the same bed with another man.

So to feel his body heat and breaths against your skin, his occasional light snores, it made your mind go on hyperdrive.

Most of the time, the two of you would just lie down, your back against his front, or your backs against each other, or both on your backs just staring at the ceiling- and talked. You would be the one talking the most, of course, about anything you could think of. You would tell him about your day, your patrols, something you read about online, or the current news.

But that one particular night during week three of him sleeping next to you, the two of you were silent. It wasn’t an awkward or uncomfortable silence, but the kind of silence that was pleasant and was better described as a peaceful quiet.

You had your back pressed against his front and his arm was lazily draped over your waist. It was a cold night, and you were wearing just a tank top and pyjama shorts, snuggling under the covers that went up all the way to your nose.

Shifting a bit while snuggling comfortably, you pressed yourself against Jason’s body to get more of his heat. But then, you were met with something poking against your lower back.

“Ngh, please ignore that,” Jason huffed.

Oh.

For some reason, you forgot that Jason was a physically healthy male who was capable of having sexual thoughts and feelings. All this while, you thought you were the only one.

“Are you- uh- is that- uh-” you stuttered, feeling your face flush with heat.

Feeling your body suddenly alert with excitement.

“Yes, it’s my fucking penis,” he grit almost angrily, “What, never heard of an erection before?”

“Of course I have!” you argued rather defensively, “It’s just- I’m surprised, that’s all.”

“Why?” he demanded, “You didn’t think I could get it up or something?”

“No, of course not!” you denied, “It just didn’t cross my mind, that’s all.”

A pause. Then-

“Well,” he sighed, “You wouldn’t have been wrong.”

Your mind blanked for a second.

“What do you mean?” you asked softly.

“It’s my- fuck- it’s my first time,” he confessed.

“Your first time getting an erection?” you gasped.

“No, you idiot,” he snapped, “It’s my first time getting hard since… since… then.”

Oh. Oh, you were an idiot.

“It’s just- after that- even when I was downstairs, alone and safe, I- I couldn’t,” he told you, “I kept on thinking back to that time and- and I couldn’t. I found it disgusting.”

And immediately, like someone doused you in cold water, any feeling of horniness you had when you first felt his erection against you disappeared. You just felt so sad for him, but also angry. Angry that he had to go through all of that, and angrier that there was nothing you could do about it.

“So, why do you think you’re getting it now?” you asked. Perhaps talking about it in an objective manner would help guide him through his thought process.

“Are you kidding me?” he scoffed, “You’re fucking pressing your ass against my dick, what did you think would happen?”

“Wait, what?” your eyes widen, “You’re hard because of me?”

“No shit,” he said, “You’re hardly wearing any clothes, too.”

You shouldn’t feel happy due to the circumstance and context, but there you were ecstatic that he found you attractive enough to pop a boner after so long.

“Fuck,” he sighed, suddenly pressing himself closer to you.

His hand that draped over your waist when to actually grip it. Then, then, he grinded his hard on against your ass.

“Mmm,” he rumbled deeply, “Feels good.”

There. That was it. You were once again flooded with the feeling of heat that pooled at your stomach, a tingling sensation started at your core. Feeling hot despite the low temperature of the night, you clenched your thighs together, needing the slight pressure.

“Yeah?” you whispered.

“Yeah,” he grinded on you again, and then unexpectedly let out a chuckle.

“What is it?” you smiled, loving it whenever you heard him laugh.

“I thought… For the longest time, I thought I was broken. That he broke me,” he revealed, “I thought I needed to get all Wingardium Leviosa on this little fucker.”

“Oh my God,” you laughed and groaned at the same time, “You’re so fucking embarassing.”

He laughed along with you and continued. “But now I’m hard and- and horny. You made me feel like I’m normal again. Like I’m sixteen again, and getting horny over everything.”

Sometimes, we take the normal things for granted. Food, shelter, clothes. In this case, it was a goddamned boner. In a way, Jason’s erection was symbolic- however funny it sounded. Getting your sexual appetite and need back after being so traumatised was a massive leap for many people who had experienced the same thing.

It meant that Jason was healing well.

“Does that make you happy?” you asked.

“Not particularly,” he admitted, “But I’m definitely not sad either.”

“That’s good enough for now, then,” you beamed.

“Yeah,” he breathed.

Another few moments of silence. You could feel it, his cock pushing into you. However tempted you were to push back and grind, you held yourself still.

“Uh, Jason?” you voiced.

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to like, take care of it?” you asked, “I mean. My bathroom is available. Or- there are many empty rooms.”

“No,” he simply stated.

“No?”

“No.”

“It’s kinda poking into me.”

“Just ignore it.”

“Ignore it?” you gaped, “How can I ignore it? You’re literally pressing it into my ass.”

“Well, then do you want to take care of it?” he teased.

You couldn’t argue back. “Fine, I’ll ignore it.”

He chuckled. “I’ll turn around.”

When he made the movement, you suddenly grabbed him by the wrist. “No, it’s fine. Stay here.”

You expected him to tease you like he usually would, make a crass comment, or even a ‘fuck off’.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around you again in silence, and the both of you drifted to sleep.

***

“Do you think this color suits me?” Natalie asked, holding up a floral red dress.

The four of you were at the mall in Diamond District. Now that high school was over, and everyone would be going off to separate colleges in a few months, you tried to spend time with each other as much as you could.

“Any color suits you, Nat,” you rolled your eyes, “You’re hot stuff.”

“Jesus, it’s like you’re shoving it in our faces at this point,” Sarah added, flipping her brunette hair to the side, tight curls flowing down.

“Aw, you guys,” Nat pretended to tear up, “I’m gonna miss you guys so much!”

“Not again,” Alex groaned, “We’ve been through this so many times.”

“I’m gonna be so miserable without you guys,” Natalie continued on, ignoring Alex’s interruption.

“I don’t know,” Sarah shrugged, “I think I’d enjoy New York. I can have pizza parties with the rats in my overpriced apartment.”

You chuckled at Sarah’s joke. Everyone was leaving Gotham except you. Deciding to continue with Robin, you opted for Gotham University- prestigious, old, and most importantly, close to home.

Your phone dinged in your pocket. You opened it to find texts from Dick.

Dick: OH MY GOD. Dick: I’m at the Manor. Dick: Was going to the Cave gym to work out. Dick: AND Dick: JASON IS HERE!!! WHAT DO I DO?!?!

That was new. Jason would usually just use whatever basic equipment he had in his room to work out. The fact that he was at the Cave’s sparring area where all the other fancier work out equipment were was out of the ordinary.

You: Just go. See if he reacts. If he suddenly stiffens and just stay there not doing anything, then leave. If he continues on, then it’s okay to stay- but don’t initiate anything! Dick: OKOKOK

You waited anxiously for Dick’s update. All four of you were now walking towards the food court, but you hardly listened to their bickering. Forty-five minutes passed before Dick texted you again.

Dick: OMG HE TALKED TO ME You: What did he say? Dick: He asked me to pass him his towel. You: That’s all he said? Dick: IT’S PROGRESS OKAY!!

Dick was right. It meant that Dick was now the third person Jason had spoken to. Adding another person to his list of contacts was definitely progress.

You were happy for him.

You:Is he still there? Dick: Nah he left Dick: But WOW he’s looking good. He must have been really going at it. I think he might get bigger than me soon You: All he does now is work out. He’s obsessed. Dick: Yeah I can tell

You decided to leave it at that for now and try to concentrate on your friends, but Dick sent another message.

Dick: ARE YOU TWO HAVING SEX?!?!

You spat out your drink, earning weird looks from everyone.

You: DICK!!!! WTF NO!!

Dick never replied.

***

“Can I ask you for a favor?” Jason asked, his voice breaking the silence of your dark room. The two of you were on your bed, lying down and staring at the ceiling.

“Of course,” you said. It didn’t matter to you what Jason asks for. He hardly ever asked for anything.

“Could you… Take me out tomorrow?” he requested, “If you’re not doing anything else, that is.”

“Uh, sure!” you nodded, surprised. “Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere,” he shrugged, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, okay,” you hesitated, “But- are you sure? I mean, you don’t have to go so far so quickly. Maybe you should start with just going to the backyard?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” he insisted. “I’m not a kid.”

“Okay then,” you agreed. “Tomorrow.”

You kept on glancing anxiously at him the next day as he climbed into the passenger seat of your car. He was quiet, but looked perfectly fine.

Switching the engine on, you drove out of the garage and out the large automatic gates. Trees soon surrounded the lonely road on both sides as you descended downhill into town.

“So where are we going?” he asked.

“I thought Robinson Park would be nice,” you said. It was around three in the afternoon, yet Gotham was dark as though the day was ending. It was cloudy, skies grey and wind blowing.

“You’re taking me to a park?” he scoffed.

“It’s more quiet than anywhere else,” you reasoned with him, “Less people. Spacious. Lots of greenery.”

“Whatever.”

Reaching the parking space of the park, you noticed that there were a few cars. Mothers and nannies liked to bring children out to the park around that time. Joggers and teens, college students and retired elderly seeking a little escape from the high rise buildings of concrete and glass.

You turned the engine off and proceeded to open the door, only then noticing Jason stiffening. Looking over to him, you saw that his eyebrows were pulled down in a deep frown, his jaw clenched, his hands in fists on his knees.

You didn’t say anything or make any comment. Leaning back into your seat, you waited until Jason was ready.

About five minutes passed before he took a deep breath, gave you a nod, and then opened his door.

The two of you walked along a path at the park, going deeper inside and further away from your car. There were a few joggers around, some tourists, and some teens taking photos. You saw a group of kids in the distance playing frisbee, and the others were walking their dogs.

An empty bench stood in the middle of the park, overlooking a clearing. You headed there, Jason following closely behind.

“It’s a bit gloomy today,” you pouted, “As if Gotham could be anything other than that, of course.”

You looked at Jason.

He looked like a scared dog being brought out for the first time.

His jittery knees were bouncing rapidly, his wide eyes were darting at every movement, his forehead was covered with a thin layer of sweat, and his breathing was heavy.

“Woah, woah,” you reached out to him, putting an arm on his back. “It’s okay. I’m here. Just listen to me talk, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he gulped.

“Try to calm your breathing,” you instructed, “Deep breaths, Jason. In… out… In… Out… Yeah, see that’s great.”

“Yeah,” he breathed, now calmer. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you smiled warmly, “You’re doing just fine.”

“No, I’m not,” he strained, “I feel like everything is too big. Too vast. The fucking sky looks like it’s going to crash down on me and at the same time suck me up into a void.”

“And despite all you’re feeling right now, you’re not breaking down or anything, are you?” you tried, “You’re okay, Jason. This is progress.”

“I guess,” he sighed, “I’m just- I’m so used to having four walls and a ceiling. Now everything feels too big.”

“I understand,” you empathized, “Whenever you want to go back, just say the word. Or we can even just go and sit in the car. No problem.”

“Yeah, okay, let’s do that,” he stood up.

The walk back to the car was faster.

“Fuck, I’m so fucking pathetic,” he said, running his fingers through his hair.

“No, you’re not,” you reassured him, “That was great, Jason. Come on, it was your first time outside in two years and a half. Cut yourself some slack.”

“I’m so fucking broken,” he choked.

“Don’t say that,” you scolded, “You’re not broken. And you know what, even if you think you are, we can always fix it. Baby steps. Maybe we can do this once a week. We were out for like, ten minutes? Next week we’ll try fifteen. How’s that sound?”

“Twice a week,” he stated, “I just want to be normal again.”

“Okay, twice a week, then,” you agreed, “We’ll try again in a couple of days, okay?”

“Okay,” he paused, “Thank you.”

“No problemo,” you grinned, “Would you like to stay here a bit longer or shall we go back?”

“Let’s go back.”

“Wanna stop by the diner? You can wait in the car while I ask for a take-away?”

“...okay.”

***

Jason and you had gone out twice more. Once three days after the first time, and the other a week later. The second time he went out, he lasted twenty minutes, though you were sure he was being stubborn on his part. He looked like he was having a heart attack, but he insisted on staying until he hit the twenty minute mark.

The third time, he was much much better. Surprisingly so. The two of you sat down on that bench for half an hour, with you even leaving him alone for a few minutes to get two ice cream cones.

After that, you took him for a drive around the city. He seemed to be more comfortable in the car, so you went all the way from Robinson Park to Diamond District, and back to the manor.

Bruce seemed very pleased with your update, and you swore you could see him actually smile.

“Thank you,” he had told you. “You’ve done more than I could have ever asked of you.”

“It’s no problem, Bruce. Really,” you reassured him.

“I’m his father. He is my responsibility. It’s my fault he’s even in that state. I wish I could do more for him,” he said solemnly.

“The fact that you understand what he needs is more than helpful, Bruce,” you smiled, “Not many parents can do that. You understand and respect him. That’s enough for now.”

He simply nodded.

Ever since your scheduled outings, Jason had become more and more relaxed whenever he was in the manor. He now walked to the kitchen on occasion to mess with Alfred while he cooked meals for him, sometimes sitting in the living room lounging on the couch while reading. Most of the time, though, he was down at the sparring zone of the Cave, working out.

But at night, he would never fail to knock on your door.

And at that particular night, you found yourself in the same situation again while lying down on your side with your back to his front, for the fifth time.

“You officially have to stop calling yourself broken,” you grumbled, “Because that thing poking into my ass is definitely not broken.”

He chuckled lowly. “You complaining, sweetheart?”

Oh, and yes. Jason now had started calling you ‘sweetheart’. Why? You had no clue. It was just a thing that happened. The look on your face when he first slipped it in was probably a sight to behold.

“No shit, I’m complaining, Jason,” you groaned, “You haven’t jerked off, yet? Not even once?”

“Nope,” he popped the P, “I just… I don’t want to… I don’t want to come.”

You sighed, understanding the situation. He had been disgusted with himself because he had ejaculated when Joker… Well, that. You hated to even think about it, so you always shoved the thought away.

“But unfortunately for me, I still get super horny,” he rumbled deeply, pushing his hips into you even more, “So fucking horny.”

“And then I have to suffer,” you complained.

“I can assure you, blue balls are more painful than something poking into you,” he bickered.

“It’s not that…”

“Then?”

“I get horny too, come on man,” you whined, “I’m a hormonal teenage girl. What did you expect?”

“You get horny too?” he whispered after a pause.

“Uh, yeah,” you admitted nervously. Somehow, the mood shifted, and your heart started drumming against your chest.

“Because of me?” he asked.

“Not you specifically, I mean,” you tried to back track, “You’re… Your dick pressing up against me like that, I mean, come on, Jason.”

“Simple question sweetheart,” he told you, “You get horny because of me, yes or no?”

You gulped. “Yes.”

Fuck, why did you say yes? You could have lied. You could have not answered.

“Yeah?” he breathed. You noticed that his hand was now on your hip, right above the waistband of your sleeping shorts, drawing circles onto your skin with his thumb.

You were nervous. The butterflies in your tummy was not helping you calm down.

“Yeah,” you squeezed your eyes shut, as if to protect yourself from anything he had to say.

“Fuck,” he groaned, gripping your hips and grinding his hard on against your ass even more. And did it… Fuck, did it get even harder?

Afraid of saying the wrong thing, and also out of nervousness, you remained silent. Jason’s chest rose and fall against your back, his respiratory rate increasing. His pinky finger slid underneath the waistband, testing the waters before slowly slipping his hand into your pants.

He went in so slowly, as if waiting for you to tell him no, to rip his hand away, to wrench yourself away from him. But you never did, so he went in deeper, caressing the skin beneath your pelvic bone, his heat just burning into you.

“You’re not wearing any underwear,” he commented, voice suddenly husky.

“I don’t wear them to bed,” you informed him.

“You mean to tell me,” he growled, “That all this while I’ve been sleeping next to you and you never had your panties on?”

“It’s more comfortable that way,” you mumbled.

“Jesus Christ,” he cursed. “Thank God I never knew. Would have been torture, and trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

“Jason,” you gasped.

“It’s true,” he said, “Damn, sweetheart.”

He went lower, closer to your center.

Your core was tingly, small pulses of electricity buzzed through your body as Jason came closer and closer and closer and-

He slipped his hands between your closed thighs and cupped you.

“Mmm,” he moaned softly, “Warm. Fuzzy.”

“Fuzzy?” you laughed, even though you felt like screaming on the inside. Screaming for more.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, burying his face into your nape, taking a deep breath. “You smell nice.”

Oh, shit. You totally forgot about Jason’s aversion to strong smells.

“I’m sorry!” you quickly apologised, “I can switch to an unscented shampoo as well so it wouldn’t be too strong for you.”

“It’s fine,” he said, “I like it on you.”

He ground his hand into your center harder.

“Mmpf, Jay,” you breathed, “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” he confessed, “I’ve never touched a girl like this before.”

“Really?” you widen your eyes in surprise.

“I was kept in a cell for two years, I couldn’t exactly talk, let alone touch, anyone can I?” he quipped.

“Right.”

“Teach me,” he said.

“What?” you whispered despite knowing what he meant.

A pause of silence. A deep intake of breath, a slow exhale.

“Teach me how to touch you,” he purred.

Fuck, you felt like exploding.

“Are you sure?” you asked.

“Yes. If you… If you want to.”

Your mind quickly tried to analyse the situation. Bruce had specifically said that Jason didn’t need any complicated matters in the relationship. It made sense. You didn’t want to overwhelm Jason with any confusion or uncertainty.

But at the same time, you’ve been figuring out how Jason thought, bit by bit. He’s told you many times that he just wanted to be normal again, to feel normal, to do normal things. And this was something that was normal, that he should do, that he wanted to do.

And you knew that he probably would take the rejection even worse.

“O-Okay,” you agreed.

Slowly, you separated your thighs, raising the one on top and hooking it over his legs behind you. Due to your shift in position, you felt the minute Jason’s fingers dip slightly into your folds.

“So, uh, this is my first time with a guy as well,” you squeaked, “But I’ll try to guide you.”

You licked your lips.

“Uhm, well, I guess you can start by running a finger up and down between my- oh! Yes, just like that.”

His middle finger slid down to your opening, and then up again slowly. His movements were uncertain, brushing only slightly against your clit unintentionally.

It was different, having someone else touch you. Somehow, despite the inexperience, it just felt better.

“Holy fuck,” he gasped, “You’re so fucking wet. Do you usually get this wet?”

You felt your cheeks heat up. “No? Yes? I don’t know! I can’t feel it.”

“Shit.”

You let him play with you some more, his fingers sliding up and down, sometimes pressing against your fleshy parts, sometimes circling and gathering your wetness, sometimes just parting your lips. Hell, he even tapped the tips of his fingers on you randomly or brushed into your delicate fuzz. You knew he was just exploring, feeling you for the first time.

And that thought made you smile and sigh.

“Teach me how to make you feel good,” he rasped.

“Uh, so your fingers are wet, right?”

“Yeah. Because you’re leaking all over them.”

“Okay, good. Now find my clit. It’s slightly above your finger, okay, to the left a bit. More. Okay, there! Yeah, right there,” you sighed, finally feeling that delicious pressure.

“Here?”

He tapped your clit.

“Ah!” you moaned, “Yes- but don’t just- nevermind, just gently circle it. Clockwise.”

He obeyed, and hell since when did Jason just obey?

He circled you gently, like you said. But he also went so, so slow.

“Faster, Jay,” you panted.

He went faster, making you groan in pleasure.

“Like this, sweetheart?” he muttered, his voice low and cracking, and sexy, and husky. You’ve never heard him sound like that before, and it drove you wild.

“Yeah,” you breathed, “Yeah, just like that. Fuck.”

“Feel good?”

“So good, Jay. Press a little harder now- fuck. Fuck. Yes, perfect. Just like that.”

The pressure built as his fingers did their magic.

“You- you’re surprisingly good at that,” you stuttered, “You sure- mmm- you sure you’ve never done this before?”

“Despite what you think,” he husked in your ear, warm breath tickling you. “I’m very good at following instructions.”

“I can see that.”

“But I’m also good at improvising.”

“Wha- oh. Oh. Fuck! Jason! Oh my fucking god!”

He started pressing even harder, and going even faster, throwing away the slow build you were going for and instead pushing you towards orgasm fast and hard, as if he was determined to prove something to you.

“Feel good, sweetheart?” he purred, “You gonna come soon?”

“Oh my- fuck, yes! Fuck, don’t stop!”

“You want to come for me?” his deep voice rumbled.

“Yes!”

What the hell? When did he learn how to talk like that?

Because with the mix of his heavy pants, his low voice coaxing you, his barrage of pleasure at your clit, you felt the familiar tightening of your core. You threw one hand back and found his hair. Running your fingers through them, you gripped them tight and pulled.

You pulled on his hair as he forced the orgasm onto you.

“Oh my God. Jason, I’m gonna- fuck- I’m- fuck- ah!”

You moaned loudly as you felt your walls flutter, clenching over nothing as you reached your high.

“O-okay, stop, fuck,” your hand went from his hair to his wrist, stilling him. He withdrew his hands from your pants, and went to grip you tight again by the waist.

“Fucking hell, sweetheart,” he groaned, grinding into you. You pushed your ass back, feeling his hardened length against your flesh in your post-orgasm bliss. “Jesus, that was so hot.”

“That was- yeah,” you giggled, “Fuck.”

His face was still buried in your neck. You could feel his lips on your skin.

“Uhm, I can, you know,” you sputtered, “Try to help you out?”

“It’s fine,” he breathed, body still tight against yours, “Just go to sleep.”

“Are you sure?” you asked again, feeling guilty that he didn’t get off. “I don’t mind.”

“I do,” he said, “It’s okay, sweetheart. That was great. I enjoyed that. I told you, I don’t want to come.”

“Okay,” you sighed.

“Go to bed.”

“Thank you, Jason.”

“Fuck, I’m so horny.”

“Jason,” you whined, “Really, I can help-”

“I’m kidding,” he chuckled, “Goodnight.”

You pursed your lips.

“Goodnight.”

[loliwrites]

Hello

So I was just reading your piece when Alex asks Addie “if she wants to put her finger in his ass” and of course as usual your writing is amazing but please don’t get me wrong but I think Alexander didn’t have the right to be upset and he definitely overreacted a bit because you don’t bring up something like that this way, he should’ve been more careful. I am probably projecting because I also have a partner whose way too experienced than me so I know how she feels when she hears requests for the first time it’s a little overwhelming and should be handled delicately. I know Alexander is usually like that so I felt really bad for Addie this time. Girl didn’t have anytime to register what happened and he ruined her happiness. I am so happy they solved right away but just felt it was unfair to sweet Addie. How you won’t take long in writing what happens next with this topic. Love your blog and writing btw.

Good morning, Non, wherever you might be! First off, thanks for reading, glad you're enjoying. Second, thanks for sharing your opinion! I love hearing what y'all are thinking and vibing with in the fics.

On this one, I'm going to kindly disagree with you 😌 and even though you didn't ask for an answer like this, here we go lol. I totally get your pov on this and I'm sure you're not the only person with this pov! The beautiful think about writing and people in life is we make mistakes. We react poorly to things by nature of our perspective and experience.

Addi responded poorly. That's not to say Alex then responded properly but as I see it (and saw, when I was writing it), I think his reaction is a little bit warranted. A big part of their relationship, especially sexually, is about being able to be honest and open with each other without the fear that they're going to be judged or ridiculed. And yeah, the timing on his part could've been loads better -- the dude also tends to bring things up at breakfast. Let's also keep in mind the conversation gets brought up because of a miscommunication or lack of understanding. Alex thought the idea was being flirted with the night before. Whatever the case, Addi's reaction made him feel awful and maybe even a bit embarrassed. So he removes himself from the situation to lick his wounds because he feels ridiculed and frankly like (in that moment) that's not a safe place for all of who he's going to be.

Yes, his reaction wasn't great. But had the roles been reversed... where Addi brought up something she wanted to try and Alex gagged at it, you know our girl Addi would've been absolutely mortified. At the end of the day, just like he says in the fic, Alex just wants the same consideration.

[fiddlepickdouglas]

Viva Las Vegas, Pt. 15 - Net Zero Change

Summary: Sunset Curve Alive AU, Willex, what’s the truth?, 2.9k

@trevor-wilson-covington​ is the bestie who makes these lovely edits, we stan supportive friends

WARNINGS: death mention, swearing

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14

Alex, Reggie, Flynn and Kyle all sat at a table inside the record store while Willie took care of closing procedures, currently sweeping up around them. Flynn sipped on her soda, eyeing everyone else with a mix of piqued interest and uncertainty.

“I can let you guys stay and talk for about another half hour, but then I’ve gotta kick you out,” Kyle told the three at the table.

“Thanks,” Alex said. “We really appreciate you being so understanding.”

“Not at all,” Kyle said casually. “And Willie’s in the clear, so long as he never pulls a stunt like that again.”

“Thanks for covering for me, man,” Willie said repentantly at Kyle’s rightfully miffed tone.

“I also covered the cost for that jacket, so you owe me for that.”

Alex looked at him, still unable to wrap what had just happened around his head. Climbing somewhere high and screaming felt like an ideal thing to do right then. He wasn’t angry - at least, he didn’t think so - but he still felt like a bottle of Coke that someone had just shaken and dropped a Mento into. His punching bag was already being worn down enough, but since he didn’t have his drums at home it had been a lifesaver recently.

There was Willie, right in front of him, like a miracle. He was so wonderfully unaware of everything, and there was no doubt he hadn’t forgotten Alex. It brought a strange sense of euphoria that battled everything else that had kept his mind dark for so long. He’d used to imagine running into Willie, even for a while after Caleb said he was gone, and thought he’d be the one to catch Willie off guard and rush toward him with joy. Mostly, he’d wanted to knock Willie off his board as slight payback for that one time, but also because it would’ve been satisfying to surprise him for once.

Kyle had gotten up from the table and joined Willie in closing up the store.

“So, you guys all know each other, huh?” he asked.

“Yeah!” Flynn exclaimed. “And I’d like to think that it’s all thanks to me,” she added smugly.

“How so?” Reggie asked in curiosity.

“I helped Willie get into Julie’s concert in Vegas,” she said. “And I’m the reason you two stuck around here.”

Alex looked at her in surprise. Without Flynn, he imagined going with Willie to the Stratosphere or anything else that night wouldn’t have happened. He owed her a serious favor; he wasn’t going to forget that.

“Are you sure you don’t have, like, magic powers or something?” Reggie asked.

Flynn only smiled and quietly sipped her soda again, keeping the mystique for herself.

As Willie disappeared into the kitchen to clean there, Alex looked at Reggie.

“So, do you have as many questions as I do?” he asked.

“Yeah, man,” Reggie said, peeking back toward the kitchen door. “I mean, does Caleb not know?”

“For someone out of the loop,” Flynn butted in. “What’s going on?”

Alex shifted uncomfortably in his seat and took in a deep breath. “So you know how we got signed?”

Flynn nodded. “Uh huh. And congratulations, by the way.”

Alex merely shrugged in acknowledgement.

“Well, the guy who owns the label used to be Willie’s caretaker.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that,” Reggie muttered. Alex suddenly felt a little guilty for missing that detail when talking with the guys.

“Yeah, sorry I forgot to mention it,” he apologized. “Anyway, the day that we signed on, Caleb personally told me that Willie had died in a fire.”

Flynn stared in disbelief.

“Wow,” she said. “That’s fishy.”

“No kidding,” Reggie commented. “But why would he do that? Caleb’s been nothing but good to us.”

“You guys should be careful. He was Willie’s guardian? If his story is that far off, I’d watch out.”

Peering over toward the kitchen, Alex couldn’t get a view of Willie at all. He was dying to hear his side of things.

“I guess we’ll have to see. Flynn, how are you getting home?”

“Oh, I was just gonna take the bus.”

“With your equipment?” he said, already worried. It was a lot for her to be lugging around, whether she could carry it alone or not. “Flynn, let us get you a taxi.”

She looked at him, and he expected her to protest and say she could handle herself. To his surprise, she simply huffed.

“You’re right. It’s getting late.”

“Yeah, and one of us could go with you to make sure you get home safe.”

“I’ll go,” Reggie volunteered. He glanced at Alex and it was clear he was giving him an opportunity.

“Thanks Reggie,” Flynn said. “You guys have gotta keep me updated with everything going on, though. I smell drama. A lot of it.” She finished the last few gulps of her soda and stood up to grab her gear.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, man,” Reggie murmured to Alex, patting him as he rose to help her out.

“See you.”

As he watched them make their way outside, Alex sighed.

“So, Vegas, huh?” Kyle said as he reentered the room, making him jump.

“Uh, yeah,” Alex replied warily. This guy seemed fairly nice, but he could never be too careful about how much he told strangers. He watched him dust the shelves, trying to relax in his seat.

“Willie doesn’t talk about it much, so I’m kinda surprised he had such a reaction tonight. I got the idea he hated the place.”

Puzzled, Alex didn’t respond immediately. He wondered what could’ve happened.

“Well, I’m sure he has his reasons. But when I met him we had a pretty good time.”

“Hmm,” was all that Kyle said as he looked into space thoughtfully before moving on to locking things up.

Alex realized then that he was the only customer left in the store and he’d simply let his friends leave him. His head was certainly not on straight. The time was nearly midnight, and the options of transportation and his experiences with them only dialed up his anxiety. Busses were just weird because everyone could watch him, taxis were expensive and he’d given most of his cash to Reggie, and the chances of having Bobby pick him up were very low.

“Hey,” Willie was standing over him, skateboard in hand. Alex looked up, startled once again, but the feeling of Willie’s hand on his shoulder softened it.

“Hey.”

“Where did Reggie go?”

“Oh,” Alex started. “He’s making sure Flynn gets home safe.”

Nodding, Willie glanced outside.

“What about you?”

Alex rose with a sigh.

“I’ll figure something out.”

They left the store and slowly walked to the corner. Willie still gripped his board as he gazed up at the red hand on the opposite side of the street.

“Do you...wanna walk with me to my place?” he asked Alex. “‘Cuz you look like you want to talk. Then we can find you a way home.”

Sticking his tongue in his cheek, Alex eyed him thoughtfully. It was almost like they hadn’t just spent four months apart - Willie could read him like a book.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Unfortunately, that made him stuff his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket. He’d let himself take Willie’s hand before and have high hopes because he’d let himself ignore reality back then. Even when the guy who he admittedly still had a crush on was back from the dead, Alex didn’t want to tempt fate again. As they both crossed the street, he felt himself hunch inward just as he had earlier with Reggie.

“So, I’m guessing it’s a little weird to see me, since you thought I was a goner and everything,” Willie started nervously.

“Dead,” Alex said, looking at him seriously. “You were dead.”

Willie slowed his pace and sucked in a breath.

“Yeah.”

For a few yards they didn’t speak. Something ate at Alex’s insides, and he couldn’t put a finger on it. Change had always been his worst enemy, but this was a good change. Willie was alive, then he was dead, and now he was back. It should’ve been like net zero change, cancelled out like math. He should be fine about this, right? Why was he not fine?

“Alex, are you...are you mad?” Willie dared to ask.

He paused in his tracks, arms slacking against his sides. Looking over at Willie, then down at the sidewalk again, he nodded.

“Yeah, actually.” Immediately the eating feeling worsened. “I don’t know why that is, but you’re right. I am kinda mad.”

Willie furrowed his brow, but remained quiet for a minute as they continued walking.

“Are you mad at me?” he wondered aloud, finally.

“Maybe?” Alex said, feeling the temperature in his veins rise the more he went on. “That sounds silly, I know, because it wasn’t you who lied to me and put me through absolute agony for weeks on end. You were just the person I thought was dead and so every time I thought about you, it hurt. I don’t even know why it hurt so much. It’s not supposed to hurt when you’re still practically a stranger to me. All I know is that we kind of liked each other and then I thought I’d never find out anything else. I mean, we only knew each other for one day. One fucking day. That was it!”

Alex saw Wilie flinch at the unexpected use of language. A little too late, he realized he should’ve been more gentle. While it was true that he needed to finally release more than just self-pity, it wasn’t worth making Willie miserable for it.

“Wow,” Willie murmured. It already sounded more wounded than Alex could bear.

“That was harsh; I shouldn’t have blown up like that.”

He looked over at Willie to be sure he hadn’t done too much damage already.

“I can’t imagine how awful that was,” Willie said simply.

The pressure that had heated up his veins rapidly began to cool down as Alex realized he was handling this all wrong. He’d momentarily lost control and already saw its potential for harm.

“It’s not you I’m mad at. It’s Caleb.”

“That makes two of us,” Willie told him. “You want to know what really happened?”

“I want to know everything.”

They continued walking along as Willie seemed to try summing up the past few months properly in his mind.

“I don’t know exactly where to start,” he said.

“Well, why don’t you start where we left off?” Alex suggested. It was only fitting that one of them was walking the other home, just like they’d been doing the last time they’d seen each other. There was a funny sense of poetry to it.

“Okay,” Willie began. “I guess what really started it was when we were up on the Stratosphere, remember?”

“Uh huh.”

“I told you that I have amnesia because I had a memory come back.”

“Right, about your dad.”

“You remember this really well,” Willie commented. Alex bowed his head, feeling his lip curl the tiniest bit. “Anyway, I started drawing the things I remembered. And I mean, I drew every detail I could. Even though back then it was just the one about my dad and then the first time that I ran away from Caleb - ”

“Wait, what?” Alex blurted.

Willie cocked his head to the side as he tried to keep the narrative easy to follow.

“Oh yeah that was weird, I had this dream where everything was backwards and it happened like every night and it took me forever to figure out that it was a memory. Anyway, the reason I have amnesia right now? I was trying to run from Caleb because he was a total a-hole and then I got hit in the head!”

Alex looked at his casual expression with mild horror.

“That’s a lot to process,” he said slowly.

“Yeah, I guess he was putting on a face after that, because he didn’t really get nasty until right before I left him for good.”

By the time Willie finished dishing everything to Alex, they had been standing by his front door for a solid ten minutes. Alex could only stand there and let everything turn over in his mind like a taffy pull. Moreover, a pit of dread was forming in his stomach at the same time as a spark of joy grew in his chest.

“So...Harrison Ford?” he said.

Willie smiled. “Much cooler than Han Solo.”

“I still can’t believe you were literally planning to skate your way here. Even I would’ve ruled that out after a minute.”

Lifting a hand defensively, Willie opened his mouth but couldn’t find words.

“I - I will never live that down,” he chuckled.

Alex chuckled in turn. “No.”

For a moment he just looked at Willie. It was the first time that night where his vision wasn’t clouded with questions or overwrought with mixed emotions. This time, it was just as he’d seen him that first moment when they’d sat across from each other at the diner. That was ages ago, but it didn’t seem to have dimmed or faded one bit in Alex’s memory. Here, he was just Willie. It was so nice to see that again.

“What made you come to LA?” he asked. He shuffled his feet awkwardly. 

“You did.” Willie looked right into his eyes as he said it.

The words were plain and honest. Something swelled in Alex’s chest as he heard them. If anyone else had said that - the guys, Julie, even his sister Abby - he would’ve doubted it a little. That was the awful thing with his anxiety is that it immediately twisted everyone’s words into betrayal. Not Willie’s, though.

“Why me?”

Willie got thoughtful, eyes unfocused for a moment.

“I don’t know. I’d do anything for you,” he said, gazing back up at Alex again.

Alex shifted his weight.

“Because I helped you start regaining memories, right?”

It made sense that if he’d been in that position, the person who’d been with him in those moments would mean a great deal to him, too.

“No,” Willie said. “Just ‘cuz. I still like you.”

Alex blinked and his mind emptied of all thought - a feat he’d never imagined occurring. Soon he found himself caught looking into those brown eyes, and instead of wanting to throw in a line, he wished he could plant himself there and spread roots. If it were up to him, he had no desire to go back home and he would just stay happy where he was.

It took a while to realize that he’d slowly begun to lean forward, lips parted as he gazed down at Willie’s mouth. Their noses were just barely not touching, and they hung in the balance waiting for the other to cross that threshold. Willie looked vaguely hypnotized, if not a little indecisive. His thoughts finally caught up to his actions, and once Alex saw what he was doing he turned away.

Dammit, how could you mess that up, Alex? he berated himself. He was already so out of focus and not thinking about the consequences of his actions; he couldn’t go around treating Willie like something else to dump his turmoil upon. Clearing his throat, he straightened his posture. Willie nervously ran a hand through his hair, visibly confused.

“So....” Alex began awkwardly. “You have your own place?”

Willie nodded, not looking him in the eyes anymore.

“Yeah, it’s kinda nice,” he said plainly. “You’ll have to check it out one of these days. You could see Sheldon, too.”

“Yes,” Alex said quickly. “Yes, I would totally be down to come see you and Sheldon. That would be great.”

He hated that the natural cadence in his voice was so sarcastic sometimes. Right now, it didn’t sound genuine at all and he desperately wanted to convey how much he meant every word.

“Bet you’re sort of busy with the band and school and all, though,” Willie said, clearly a little despondent. Alex really wanted to go back and fix the moment they’d had before. He wasn’t making it any better.

“Well, I’m free all next Saturday. You’re not working, are you?”

“I can arrange things with Kyle to get covered. I’m usually on his good side and he doesn’t stay mad for long, so I’m not worried.”

“That’s good.” A pause. “So it’s okay if I come on Saturday?”

“Sure, sure,” Willie rushed to say. “I’m totally down for that. Uh...I just remembered that we’ve gotta get you back home. Did you know how you were gonna do that?”

“Uh yeah, I was gonna just catch the bus,” Alex said, entirely impromptu. After embarrassing himself so badly with Willie, he could override any fears about using public transportation. All he wanted to do was lift his hood over his head and pull the strings so it closed over his face.

“Got it,” Willie replied.

“But I’ll be excited to see you next Saturday,” Alex added. He saw Willie’s eyes light up a little and it made him smile in relief as he began stepping away from Willie’s door. Biting his lip in his usual cute manner, Willie nodded at him.

“See you then.”

Alex exhaled in excitement as he made his way up the steps to the street, barely able to take his eyes off Willie. Only when he couldn’t see him anymore did he force himself to turn away.

[facelessfrey]

Roswell New Mexico - Season 3, Episode 9

 So I think that was one of my favorite episodes, certainly of the season but possibly of the whole show. I really liked everyone in this episode, even Max! Haha. But no, it was really nice to see everyone working together again and to actually get some character moments amongst all of the plot jargon. Good stuff. 

There were several things that confused the hell out of me though because of weird time jumps and missing scenes and not knowing who knows what etc. Plus everything just moved super fast in this episode and they all talked really fast. 

It annoyed me that Kyle was just awake and fine with him having no questions about being there and Ramos. Like did he know Ramos was his uncle? Was he confused about waking up in a Deep Sky barn? Plus we still had no one in any other scene even mentioning Kyle. Does anyone know that he’s okay? Does Alex know that he’s awake? I just have a lot of questions. And I miss Kyle interacting with everyone else. I did like seeing him make the choice to keep pursuing the alien mysteries for himself though because he’s invested now. That part was good. But yeah, still confused about the rest. And I really need Kyle to interact with everyone else again. 

Also I again hate that no one had any reaction to Michael and Alex being a thing. Do people know? Do they care? They were supposed to go on their first official public date in this episode but would their friends know about that? Just like take a five minute break from playing alien jeopardy and be excited that Michael and Alex are together Liz and Isobel! Also, I would have liked to see Michael’s chat with Sanders. 

I was also sad that Alex was isolated with the machine and his hallucinations of Nora feeding into all of his worst fears for most of the episode. But at least he got to have that cute conversation with Michael on the phone and of course the end which was...super cheesy but I don’t care. Haha. Also those effects of the mountain or wherever the fuck they were supposed to be were completely terrible but sure. It was nice that they got to have a little team alien science first date though. But also...wow if Deep Sky had employed some aliens sooner then maybe they could have solved all of their shit a long time ago. I do appreciate that they were trying to go on a date though and that they were showing them trying to take that step rather than just having them be a thing or whatever. I mean they are but I liked that there was actual talk about first date. It was sweet. 

Also, I loved Michael’s dumb “I come in peace” shirt. Haha. What an idiot. 

I did actually quite enjoy all of the Liz and Max stuff in this episode. It was nice to actually see them together for longer and not have it be actually Jones. I liked them working together but it’s clear they still have a lot of issues to deal with but I was glad to see them get to some of those in their arguing even if they haven’t worked through them yet. But it felt like some kind of progress for them to even address them at all. 

I adored all of the Maria, Greg and Isobel scenes. I loved Maria a lot in this episode and her and Greg are adorable. I loved Greg getting properly involved as well even though up until this point, I did not know if he knew all of the alien secrets but hey I guess he does. Sure. Anyway, I also loved Isobel’s interactions with them and constantly interrupting them but also her little sisterly chats with Maria were really nice. I very much like the relationship they are building between them. 

We FINALLY got Isobel getting a proper love interest this season. I’m so happy. I also like that it’s Anatsa even though she originally slept with Max. Haha. Sure. But I really like her and I like her chemistry with Isobel. And I loved Isobel getting all flustered when she showed up at the bar. And Maria encouraging her was great. I have no idea what the fuck Anatsa knows about anything and I really didn’t understand how she ended up at the church with Isobel later but hey at least they had that nice little moment where Iz asked her out on a date. I hope they really become something and Anatsa gets brought in on the alien stuff someday. 

Plot wise, so we still don’t know if Maria’s visions are going to be a factor going forward because once again we have not mentioned them. I would very much like to know if that’s coming back so I can know if I need to be worried for people’s lives again.

Jones continues to be a fun villain although I don’t know why they just left all of that stuff lying around at the diner for him to find. That was dumb. But I like that he just doesn’t give a shit anymore that they all know who and what he is and so he’s free to be as evil as he wants and good for him. And he’s still got his trusty dog sidekick. 

The whole Dallas/Heath connection is wild and I don’t totally understand it but I’m intrigued and I’m glad that they weren’t just random characters. I like that they’re integral to this whole thing. And hey, another alien! Also makes me wonder what Heath was really thinking all that time he was trying to help Liz when the handprint connection was killing her. How much does he really know? And for that matter, how much does Dallas know about the pod squad and the rest?

I also wonder if Anatsa will end up being more integrated in the alien stuff since they are. Hmm

Still not entirely sure what’s going on with the Lockhart machine either. Nora and Patricia were trying to contact Dallas? Who was a kid in a pod at the time? Huh? So what would they use it for now? 

So many questions. 

But again, overall, really fun episode and I genuinely enjoyed it. I did miss Rosa though. I just want one episode where everyone gets to be together. 

[evakuality]

Hanna, episode 5

1.  Sensible Hanna trying to talk to Jonas, but unfortunately picks the absolutely wrong time.  Jonas, while usually being quite sweet with Hanna, does change a lot when he’s with his boys.  There’s a cover he puts on, of not really caring.  Plus of course he’s almost certainly stewing about his own issues.  Hanna has been sleuthing and she has picked up a whole lot of stuff even if she’s coming to the wrong conclusions and he must be worried she’ll work it out.  But it all combines to mean they’re not communicating effectively and it super sucks.  Again, this is all from the original but it still hits really hard with this particular couple.  This Jonas seems genuinely unhappy, and more ... hmmm, like there’s a lack of thought here rather than a real attempt at trying to be cool and detached.  It feels quite obvious that there’s some hurt here.  And he actually literally says he’s upset because she’s with her girls so much after being annoyed at him for the same thing.  But I don’t know, it’s really quite different.  Hanna literally asked Jonas if he wanted to come and he chose not to, which has always been the way for the entire season.  He’s always been the one to choose not to do something together, so this seems a little bit ‘apples and oranges’ but even so.  He seems to be realising that things are slipping, but like her he doesn’t really know what to do about it.  Partly because he’s hiding stuff and is trying to deflect but also because he’s genuinely unsure of himself on this new ground where she does have people outside of him.  And then they settle it, as they always do, with kissing.  And I get it; this is something that works for them.  It’s the one thing in their relationship that isn’t fraught.  But this isn’t a good idea long term.  They need to talk properly.

2.  I do like the developing relationships between the girls that’s happening.  Working together for their classes is a nice, natural way to get them together and allow these little moments to happen and is also a nice nod to Hanna’s sad little longing look at Leonie and Sara’s study group earlier in the season.  Also, sad that on that occasion the one who made a connection and was first to show Hanna she’s not alone was Amira - the one Kiki specifically wants to kick out of the group.  Kiki is so black and white as a character, and it’s nice to see that play out against the others who have more nuanced takes.  But also, it’s painful to see the start of what we know if coming with Kiki here.  Her need for control (and to be liked and popular and ‘the best’) is so important and necessary to her that it’s leading her to harm.  So as much as her attitude is painful and difficult to watch, it’s also understandable.  Plus we know she grows up a lot.  And one thing I do love that Druck does is use these parts of the show and their lives to inform and expand into other seasons.  Carlos’s attempts to get Matteo to a spa or whatever in s3 as a form of self care is pretty much a direct result of Kiki growing and developing from this point.

3.  I adore this doctor they go to with Kiki.  I mean, clearly, the original was a great model for this but this one puts a nice spin on it.  And her reaction to Kiki’s ‘really old’ is so perfect.  There’s no shame in how she reacts, but rather reassurance that being 17 isn’t too old for this.  Which is such a great message.  The pressure (heh) we all put on ourselves to do things a certain way is so bad for us all.  Kiki particularly seems to be prey to this, but Hanna too does seem to want to do things the way others think she should.  And it’s a real crying shame that Sam never gets to shine the way she should (this was true of Chris as well - she damn well deserved her season), because even as a reasonably minor character she imbues what she does with so much heart.  I adore how into the doctor’s ‘romantic’ story she is.

4.  This thing with Hanna’s father is so painful.  It’s clear that he is trying to be there for her and be a good dad, but he also puts a whole lot of pressure on her.  Jonas has been getting at her about her mark and how stupid it makes her and now here’s her father backing that all up.  I’m sure it hurts and it all feeds into the way he doesn’t get her.  And she tries to explain what’s wrong and he insults her too?  No wonder she doesn’t like trying to communicate when it always seems to end with her feeling like shit about her intellect.

5.  I didn’t notice before that someone has put condoms on Kiki when Mia is trying to help her get turned on.  This whole situation is so silly, but there’s also something charming about it.  I like this group of girls together so much.  And wow Kiki is so innocent about this whole thing.  The girls are absolutely right - she doesn’t have to rush into this and feel like it’s a race and a competition.  She’s CLEARLY not really ready for the whole thing.  And someone with Alex’s reputation is 100% not the right person, even if he’s ‘the best’ according to the school.  But somehow, this whole thing with Alex and the girls and Jonas cancelling etc doesn’t seem quite as fraught as it was in the original.  I can’t put my finger on why, but it felt far more awkward and stressful and difficult for Eva somehow.  Like, Hanna’s got the worries about hearing Leonie’s voice and she seems unhappy about that, but it’s more defeated somehow.  The tension isn’t there in the same way.  

Overall, I feel like ‘anticipation’ really sums this episode up.  Not a lot happens, but we’re gearing up for something.  It’s subtle but there’s a sense of waiting, of anticipation if you will.  It also lets us see the girls together a lot more and how well they’re clicking as a group.  I did feel Amira’s absence quite vividly and that must have been worse during the actual time - that’s a whole week since her hurt and upset face as the bus rumbled away with the others and leaving her behind.  Mia says she won’t be in a group where Amira isn’t welcome, and yet... there’s still no Amira by the end.  Also, we’re starting to get those darker tones coming in.  Things have gone from soft and washed out to brighter and warmer to this slide into something with darker overtones.  Thematically things are starting to pile up and get a bit much and the cinematography is reflecting that.