#but when it's a consistent and a constant thing and it's had several pretty big/major or emotionally charged discussions it's like

[catcatb0y]

Does anyone else hit that point in conversation where it's like. Everything is a wall.

Not because everything actually IS a wall, but because you hit a wall once and that makes you suddenly doubt /everything/ you have to say?

Like, 'well I picked the wrong answer once, and I don't want to do it again-' it's like the equivalent of picking the same answer bubble too many times on a test, but you can't take the answers back and the first time you used that letter it was a guess (and it told you immediately after that you were wrong).

With every minor mistake, that wall just gets higher and higher and you get smaller and smaller...

[carmenxjulia]

I put together a transcript of the 1 hour Q&A Interview the Carmen Sandiego Discord did with Abby Trott (Ivy) and Rafael Petardi (Chase Devineaux). All of the questions were submitted by server members. You can read everything below the break!

PizzaHorse:

Hello everyone! Please welcome Abby Trott and Rafael Petardi to our Q&A today.

Abby Trott:

Hiiiiiiiiiii!

Rafael Petardi:

Hello Bonjour!

PizzaHorse:

Let's get started. How did you get started as a voice actor? Was there anything that inspired you to pursue it as a career?

Abby Trott:

Oh MAN. Long story.

Rafael Petardi:

Mine is very short. I'm an actor and my agent started sending me on voice auditions and eventually I booked some!

Abby Trott:

This is a novel so I started typing it ahead of time, haha. I was an acting/theater major, and when I graduated from college I moved to Japan on the JET program to teach English because I wanted to travel so freakin' badly. I had never even been on an airplane. I was placed in rural Akita, (inaka), and absolutely LOVED it. The only problem was I wanted to be and actor/singer… womp womp. At that time, I also started to mess around with characters and voices - I would record voice memos and conversations with myself while driving around. One day, a friend was in the car and my phone was on shuffle and one of my "scenes" started playing - I was absolutely MORTIFIED. But that moment solidified for me that I need to move to the big ole city if I wanted to really pursue acting. I ended up heading to Tokyo, where I performed in children's musicals, and did other gigs here and there. That's where I started doing VO professionally! I was able to do some character voices for the shows I was in, and some other side projects. I realized how much I loved VO, and eventually decided to move back to the States to pursue it, since most English VO for games and animation is produced here.

When I moved back, I started searching online for VoiceOver opportunities, and stumbled across a contest hosted by Bang Zoom! Entertainment. I BARELY got my entry in on time. The contest took place over several months, and in the meantime, I moved to NYC and started taking VO classes. For the finale of the contest, they flew me to LA. I ended up winning! Still can't believe it. (O-O) I got to dub my first anime "Miss Monochrome," and realized that if I wanted to work in games and animation, I should probably move to LA… and the I DID.

THE END

PizzaHorse:

What do you think are the best and worst things about being a voice actor?

Abby Trott:

Oooh. The worst things? Job insecurity... constant rejection...

Rafael Petardi:

The incredibly talented and cool people you meet and work with.

What Abby said

Abby Trott:

The best things? Working with amazing people, AND it's so much fun - even auditioning is fun!

PizzaHorse:

How did you land your role on the show?

Rafael Petardi:

I auditioned

Got the job

pretty boring I know

Abby Trott:

I auditioned through my agency, and got a callback. I went to the callback and their note was "more Boston." Then I had a second callback and their note was "even MORE Boston." So I went WICKED BOSTON and got the job

PizzaHorse:

What was your favorite/the most fun thing to record (episode/scene/line)? Any least favorites?

Rafael Petardi:

For me, the funnest scenes to record are the ones I got to play opposte the incredibly talented cast.

The least favorite... did not have enough scenes with the Wonderful Abby Trott

Abby Trott:

Awww Rafe! Singing was the MOST FUN! The Karaoke Ep, and the choose-your-own adventure one, where we got to sing the theme! Mikey (Zack) was cracking me up constantly.

Least favorite was the last ep because I didn't want it to eeeeeend

PizzaHorse:

Were you allowed to suggest lines to be said by your character, or improvise the script at all if you thought something would add to the scene?

Abby Trott:

YUP! And Mikey and I definitely did, hahaa. It was encouraged. Always fun to see what they keep...

Rafael Petardi:

Yes we were. I improvised mostly sounds and noises. Words once in a while but not very often. Thank God for Duane

PizzaHorse:

What was the hardest part of voicing your character on Carmen Sandiego? Was there a particular episode that was difficult to record?

Rafael Petardi:

Keeping the consistency episode to episode of the Chase's accent, pitch and energy

I did not want hime to sound different ever

Abby Trott:

I think the hardest part was keeping up the EXTREME Boston accent. But it was also SUPER fun...

PizzaHorse:

What traits do you share or have in common with the character you play?

Rafael Petardi:

I am like Chase in the sense of a Dog with a Bone. If I get pasionate about something, I go to extremes. Abby Trott has scene this for example in my bread making endeavors

Also, I'm an idiot in life too sometimes

Abby Trott:

Ivy and I are both... from Mass! we both have brothers who we argue with but really do love when it comes down to it. We love chocolate, aaaaand... I think we're both brave. (brag?)

Can confirm Rafe is v. passionate about bread. And and idiot.

Rafael Petardi:

All True

PizzaHorse:

What character on the show would you voice if you had the chance?

Abby Trott:

Chase

Rafael Petardi:

I would love Maelstrom

Abby Trott:

Jk... Coach Brunt seems SUPER fun

PizzaHorse:

If you could meet a character from Carmen Sandiego in real life, who would it be and why?

Abby Trott:

Carmen! she is the coooooleeest. I'd ask her to teach me some tricks

Rafael Petardi:

Julie Argent. She's cute

PizzaHorse:

Which character do you think you are most like or that you most identify with?

Rafael Petardi:

CHASE

I think that's partly why we're doing the roles we do

Abby Trott:

I think Ivy, for real! Casting was ON IT. I can be serious when I need to be, but I'm a giant goofball (if you couldn't tell from my latest tweet/insta post...)

PizzaHorse:

Who is your favorite character, other than your own?

Abby Trott:

Mime. Bomb.

Rafael Petardi:

Other than my own? Hmmm... uuuh... mmmm. tough...

Abby Trott:

Seriously, I think Mime bomb is hilarious.

Rafael Petardi:

Yes Mime Bomb!

PizzaHorse:

Do you wish your character had more interactions with another character in particular?

Rafael Petardi:

Yes, I would love to interact with Ivy and Maelstrom

I think the interaction would be odd and awkward and funny

Abby Trott:

Yes. I would love to see how Ivy handles the specific VILE members... I would love to see IVY try to go to VILE academy...

PizzaHorse:

Are there any themes or lessons from the series that you would want people to remember?

Rafael Petardi:

yes, don't jump to conclusions and be an idiot

Abby Trott:

Yes! That! also, don't be evil. ALSO also, be loyal to your friends.

PizzaHorse:

Do you ever look at fan content?

Rafael Petardi:

yes all the time. It helps when I'm tagged rafaelPetardi on Instagram

Abby Trott:

Yes! I look at fanart sometimes, and see what cosplays are happenin'

Rafael Petardi:

I've posted many as well

Abby Trott:

Haven't read much fanfic... but I know it's out there.

PizzaHorse:

What did you think about your character's development and arc throughout the series?

Rafael Petardi:

I absolutely loooooooved Chase's arc

Love redemption stuff

he was just misguided

just was alway his thing

Abby Trott:

I love Ivy's journey - she really grew up, from a troubled kid to an adult, accepting responsibility and accepting new challenges. Donning the hat, if you will.

Rafael Petardi:

*justice as always his thing

PizzaHorse:

How do you feel now that Carmen Sandiego is at its end?

Rafael Petardi:

sad. miss evrybody so much

we will have to have a cast reunion when this pandemic thing is over

Abby Trott:

SAD! But grateful. It was THE MOST fun to record, and I wish it could continue forever.

Rafael Petardi:

I'm grateful too. yes

Abby Trott:

and YES reunion!

PizzaHorse:

Yesss can't wait for that group photo to pop up on social media!

Were there any moments in the series that had you legitimately emotional?

Rafael Petardi:

yes ofcourse

losing Julia was tough

Abby Trott:

A lot. But one that stands out for me is after Carmen gets stuck out in the snow, and is reunited with her crew. (:_;). Also the stuff with Shadowsan and his brother... and anything with baby Carmen...

Gah. So many...

PizzaHorse:

Did you enjoy how the show ended? Is there anything you would have changed or would have liked to see more of?

Rafael Petardi:

I loved the way the show ended! I think Duane did a fantastic job tying loose ends and bring the story to a satisfactory close for all characters

I do hope for an ACME Ivy, Zak, Julia and Chase spin-off

Abby Trott:

I love how it ends. I think it wrapped so well considering the number of eps - the writers really got it done. I WISH Ivy and Zack could follow Carmen forever, but she has her own story to unravel it would seem.

And Ivy does look good in that suit let me tell ya

PizzaHorse:

Can you share a favorite behind the scenes moment?

Abby Trott:

Mikey. Is. So. Funny. Hard to choose one moment - he would make me laugh harder than anything. Especially when we were singing. Or any time he had to gag...

Rafael Petardi:

OMG!

That singing stuff we had to do together was hilarious

we could not stop laughinh

PizzaHorse:

What, in your opinion, are the best pizza toppings?

Abby Trott:

Cheese. Caramelized onions. Roasted garlic. Spinach. Mushrooms.

Rafael Petardi:

buffala mozzarella and tomatos period

oooooo fancy Abby

Abby Trott:

Rafe why aren't you as obsessed with pizza as you are with bread? And can you be?

Rafael Petardi:

I am

Abby Trott:

!

Rafael Petardi:

I just don;t like to share pizza

PizzaHorse:

Here's a specific question for Rafael. Did you sometimes get mad at your own character for the way he behaved towards Julia earlier on in the Series?

And one for Abby. As a Massachusetts native, how did you feel about voicing a character from Boston with the iconic accent?

Rafael Petardi:

I did not. I always felt, however misguided Chase was, he was always on the path of turth and justice no matter what was in his way. It's the same principals that led hin to see the truth about Julia

*principles

Abby Trott:

I think it's so cool, and kind of an honor, in a way. I was worried about it being too much, and people saying it's over the top. Turns out comedy wins, haha.

PizzaHorse:

Were you familiar with the older animated series when you started work on the Netflix original?

Rafael Petardi:

I never heard of Carmen Sandiego before I did this series

Abby Trott:

Yes! I had seen a bit. I also remember watching my brother play the game. Someone gifted me a mini arcade version of the game this year, and I'm excited to play :slight_smile:

Rafael Petardi:

Which I think helped when I had to say the iconic line

"Where in th world..." there was no pressure

LoL

Abby Trott:

LOL

PizzaHorse:

Okay, last question. Do you have a favorite quote from the show?

Abby Trott:

"La Femme Rouge!"

or Mime Bomb's classic "..."

Rafael Petardi:

"the game is over!"

PizzaHorse:

Woohoo!

Abby Trott:

Hooray!

PizzaHorse:

Thank you so much Rafael Petardi and Abby Trott for joining us today! I hope everybody had a wicked awesome time.

Abby Trott:

Thanks for having us! What a pleasure.

Rafael Petardi:

It was great! Thank you to all the great questions.

Abby Trott:

Thanks for watching the show! Great questions. I'm sure I'm going to think of more quotes as soon as I log off... haha.

Rafael Petardi:

See you all soon!

Abby Trott:

Stay safe, take care, and see you all on various social media platforms!

[leia-imogen]

aaron & the family he's found all by himself; vol. 2 // vol. 1

( ft. short jokes, a belated birthday shopping trip, & an ultra-chaotic winter break )

( for @criswisstuff & anyone who enjoyed the first one <3 )

savannah, who is 5'9, is constantly teasing aaron and cleo for being short. katelyn's good at 5'6, and also a bit impossible to tease bcs she's the actual best, so she gets to escape this

cleo ( 5'2 ) is perfectly delighted to have someone shorter than her for once in her life, even by only 2 inches

aaron: guys, just try and see this from my point of view

sav: [ collapses ]

katelyn: [ crouches down ]

cleo: [ sits cross-legged on floor ]

aaron: dude you're literally 2 inches taller than me

cleo: 2 and a quarter

sav is so smug about this but in a good-natured way, in that she and cleo call aaron "kid" or "kiddo" or "pipsqueak" and he doesn't mind bcs they always say it w such a huge smile and he likes to respond to sav with "how's the weather up there, tall-ass?"

and katelyn thinks it's ridiculously adorable how tiny aaron is and obviously she uses him as an armrest all the time

katelyn, petting aaron's hair: guys guys omg he's like an angsty mini blond kitten and i would kill for him <3

sav, popping up between them: mini-yard :))

before i get super distracted, i just wanna mention that aaron met sav and cleo towards the end of november, so they missed the twin's birthday

but sav still insists that she must take him shopping bcs sure his fashion sense is fine but there's always room for improvement, isn't there, aaron??

he relents, so long as she and cleo and katelyn ( who already gave him a birthday present?? why's she doing this??? ) don't spend too much money

sav drags him all around south carolina to the best thrift stores she can find and cleo and katelyn are amazed that she can get such fantastic deals on the supermodel clothes she wears

fr she's literally a fashion design major ( + minoring in business management ) and she shows up to class in skilfully done drugstore makeup and an absolutely killer outfit for like 15 bucks

she grew up poor, and she's still poor now, even if she ( thankfully ) managed to scrape a cheerleading scholarship

sav, flicking through a rack of dresses labelled $4 apiece: RIP to little miss rich bitch reynolds but i'm different ;)

no hate to allison she's awesome but she grew up in the lap of luxury surrounded by designer brands so she knows NOTHING about thrifting and rationing money in general

oh and sav and allison have kind of a frenemies thing going on bcs they're both fighting for the top spot of their fashion design course

they spend the whole day shopping and aaron ends up with a highly upgraded wardrobe that contains a lot of cute pastel stuff and sav's promise to do his makeup

aaron insists on paying for dinner at the really nice pizza place a short drive from campus even tho they all protest

and andrew knows he's found new friends, but has no idea that it's the vixens and he's dating one of them. nicky does tho, but he's sworn to secrecy

nicky thinks his new clothes are adorable and is stunned when aaron tells him the total cost

"oh my GOD that girl sounds like a genius."

"yeah, her name's sav. you guys,, would get along, i think."

okay now for the winter break part!!

i think that you can get permission to stay at dorms if you're an international student or something??

anyways since sav's super upset bcs her father straight-up told her not to come home bcs he has a new girlfriend ( god i hate sav's father )

katelyn would stay with her, but her dad can finally have her home in new york for christmas and she really doesn't want to miss it

cleo, the only one with a properly functional family, is going back to her big family house and loving parents and grandma and aunt and siblings and cousins. love that for her.

so aaron and sav are stuck at psu for 2 weeks and aaron's surprisingly cool with this. and sav's excited bcs for the first time since her mom died, she can spend her christmas with someone she actually wants around instead of her shitty-ass father and his constant stream of bitchy girlfriends

they spend a lot of time together, stealing food from the athlete's dining hall to make their own weird combos, which usually ends with aaron making something Cool and Interesting and sav gagging and spitting out whatever strange concoction she had previously insisted would taste good

i literally can't bring myself to give a shit about the twinyards' deal bcs andrew literally became best friends with renee?? and hooks up with guys at eden’s??? idk what's going on there but it's like andrew is trying to control aaron's life while he can do whatever he wants??? and honestly wtf????

also let me just make it clear that i ADORE andrew so so much he's one of my favourite comfort characters ever but i'm not gonna make excuses for his shitty behaviour. i fully believe he heals and puts away his pride to apologise to aaron, nicky, and kevin for his treatment of them

that's definitely not to say that aaron's internalised homophobia isn't eww, but with so many important people in his life gay, he makes a huge effort to get over it

so andrew just thinks that aaron is spending a lot of time in the library or out with nicky or something

and when aaron tells sav about this deal, she's kinda horrified, but it's pretty clear to her that aaron so desperately wants to fix his relationship with his brother, and she's not in any place to discourage him, is she?

the only thing she can do is hope that he won't come out all the worse for it

and stare at the boy curled up on the other end of the pale pink sofa cleo's parents had gotten, wonder just how much shit he'd been put through, and decide she was going to be his best friend

aaron's face has gone entirely impassive. sav nudges his fluffy-socked foot with her own, then reaches out to smooth the crease between his eyebrows. "careful, you'll wrinkle your pretty little face."

aaron is very caught off guard by this, and very promptly flushes bright red, which contrasts with the pale teal hoodie he stole from katelyn

"okay, enough talk about depressing crap. wanna go make christmas cookies now?"

"yeah."

so they make christmas cookies. well, it was supposed to be christmas cookies, but it turns into double chocolate fudge cookies somewhere along the line. neither of them knows how

them baking together is the definition of chaos. they're still blasting songs, and sav is singing along terribly

"yOu'Re A mEaN oNe, Mr. GrInCh," while poking aaron's cheek as he tries to mix something. he throws a handful of flour at her. "yOu ReAlLy ArE A hEel."

anyways obviously sav retaliates and that ends in a flour fight. it only stops when aaron deadass cracks an egg on sav's head and she smears chocolate into his hair

she also tries to make him sing along to baby, it's cold outside

"i'Ve GoT tO Go `wAAyyy~" she holds a spatula up to his face

"go away."

they video call katelyn, who takes one look at the mess in the cramped dorm kitchen and sighs so loudly and dramatically that her dad pops in and asks if everything's okay

aaron freezes up at the sight of him and sav quickly turns off the camera, bcs they both want to make good impressions on him, and being covered in various cookie ingredients just won't cut it, ya know?

the cookies turn out delicious and sav sends all their group chat various photos of the process, most of which consist of selfies with her making goofy faces while aaron is simultaneously baking and flipping off the camera

plus a several videos of sav enthusiastically dancing and mouthing the lyrics of, as follows, all i want for christmas is you, let it snow, and santa claus is coming to town and aggressively pointing a spatula at aaron

"c'mon aari, just sing! please??? please???? please you can do it i believe in you!!"

finally he just. gives up. "okay, you know what? fine, i'll sing to ONE and then you will STOP bothering me you insolent dumbass."

sav beams. santa baby starts playing. aaron is very clearly going through five stages of grief in 0.5 seconds

"go on," sav says sweetly as she slides in next to a pouting aaron, "i'll sing with you."

sav slings an arm around his shoulder and sways with him, so it's just her doing that and him grumpily mumbling the lyrics

and when the cookies are cooling down, they start cleaning the kitchen up. aaron rubs some spilled egg yolk into sav's hair but it goes pretty okay otherwise, since they're just listening to more christmas songs and chatting about light stuff, like aaron's biochem course, sav's fashion course, and their dumb classmates

aaron mostly listens tho, and learns that sav kind of hates allison reynolds for giving up her inheritance when she would do ANYTHING for even the tiniest fraction of that money

but she still thinks allison's gorgeous bcs c'mon

and that sav's dream is to one day open her own boutique!!

aaron spends most of the actual christmas day with the monsters at eden's bcs nicky and andrew wanted to

he spent a lot of the time texting on their group chat

doessavvyisgay: so u just go to a nightclub every week??

unaliveme: i mean yeah, i literally worked here for a while. we needed money and nicky was already working 2 jobs night and day

actualblessing: babe ur backstory is so tragic

unaliveme: i'm a fox for a reason ig

cleo.magda: Yes but-

doessavvyisgay renamed this conversation "aaron miniyard support group"

unaliveme: oh ffs

unaliveme: sav subject change go

doessavvyisgay: i'm at the clothes store what should i get?

actualblessing: something pretty :)

doessavvyisgay: sorry, i can't buy the cashier

cleo.magda: Wow.

doessavvyisgay: I DID GET HER NUMBER THO

unaliveme: lmaooo what's her name?

doessavvyisgay: uh

unaliveme: savannah istg u don't even know her name??

actualblessing: s a v

actualblessing: damn u really do be turning on the Charm tho

actualblessing: respect i didn't even talk to aaron till i asked him for notes bcs he has rly pretty notes and also a rly pretty face

actualblessing: and even then i was like :0

unaliveme: IT WAS CUTE I PROMISE

doessavvyisgay: u 2 = the only valid heterosexual couple

actualblessing: rt

unaliveme: oh shit i'm getting super drunk

cleo.magda: Aaron, you drink? That's not legal, get out of there right now. Kids these days-

unaliveme: cleo u have literally seen me get drunk af,, the first time we met,,, and anyways this is how my family bonds ✌🏻

doessavvyisgay: that's. so damn weird kiddo but go off ig

actualblessing: no go find better things to bond about other than alcohol and weird sweaty dancing

cleo.magda: Yeah, go watch some Christmas movies!

unaliveme: nicky makes us watch die hard every year

doessavvyisgay: see u in hell, kiddo ;)

cleo.magda: I meant things like The Polar Express and Home Alone.

actualblessing: merry christmas ya filthy animals!!

doessavvyisgay: merry xmas y'all i'm gonna go to that christmas party bcs i'm super bored

unaliveme: merry christmas mothers and fuckers

cleo.magda: Merry Christmas, you guys!

[pluviophile-bookworm]

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series: The Rewatch pt.3

Ok, full disclosure: I should not be doing this right now. But I've been thinking about it since yesterday and, well, I reckon I can go over 1x4 and 5, and then move on to my actual work. So here we are. I'm really, really excited for these two, so without further ado, I'll dive right into:

1x4: It's hard to believe that I couldn't see... the majority of what happens in this episode when I first watched it

Why is Nini such a pro at making a scene with whoever her current boyfriend is in the middle of a public place? I mean, I get it that she's upset about EJ going through her phone — who wouldn't be — but maybe - and this is just a friendly suggestion — she could try and discuss that in private, not start a shouting match within view of all their classmates. Just saying.

'Ricky would never steal my phone' — well, perhaps not, but he's not quite above deleting stuff from it, either... I wonder if whoever is writing this show knows that there are many other ways to make a relationship unhealthy... it's not funny anymore. Just repetitive.

Ahhh Natalie and her emotional support hamster! At least there's one good thing about this scene.

Sure, Ricky, blame Big Red for the fact that you misplace your stuff... a very nice best friend he's got, indeed.

Gosh, everything is so awkward and there is just so much tension all over the place — Ricky's parents, then EJ and Nini, and then Carlos just being oblivious to the fact that they just broke up... you know, that last part just made me laugh. And then Ricky's reaction to his parents legally separating just broke my heart. That boy's been through too much.

Big Red being completely clueless about theatre terms is super funny and endearing, but let me just put myself in his shoes for a sec. He's followed his best friend into a badly thought-out scheme to get back together with his ex, got dragged into joining the crew, and is now expected to know what everything is. I would not put up with that... ok, who are we kidding, I'm a massive pushover and would put up with anything, but my point is... he shouldn't have to. At least people are doing the bare minimum to help him learn and nobody's laughed at him for not knowing. That's the good thing about this crew.

Ok, so I have posted about my thoughts of their take on What I've Been Looking For before, back when the episode was brand new, so I won't go into detail about that. In short, I think they've got the arrangement all wrong considering that it is a plot point in the original movie, but... the execution is funny. The scene is about Nini and EJ's post-breakup tension and it shows. I just kind of wish now Miss Jenn had pulled Nini out and put Gina in, even just for this rehearsal — and I might or might not be saying this as a Portwell shipper.

Miss Jenn is done with the students' personal drama and honestly, I'm right behind her. These kids are being completely unprofessional — and well, I realise that we can't expect them to be professional at this stage, but... they could at least try to concentrate on rehearsal and not their personal lives for a second.

Ricky hugging a cushion is my spirit animal. That's it, that's the comment.

Ahhh the tension between EJ and Gina though... 'around here seniors don't follow sophomores' — well, we'll see how it goes, Mr. Senior.

What gives Nini the right to shout at strangers about their relationship? I am honestly so frustrated with her these days. Wonder why I never was during season 1. The reasons are all there.

'He loves you' — yeah, like a little sister, he does. Also, Ash is so precious, always trying to see the good in other people. EJ 1.0 is so lucky he had her as an example.

Ok, I'm not going to go into what an amazing best friend Big Red is because we all know that (plus I'm saving it for a certain scene in 1x5), but this must be so hard for him. I mean, he's trying his absolute best to help Ricky feel better and distract him from his problems, and Ricky is turning everything down. I mean, I guess I understand where he's coming from too, but I'm unable to look at things through the lead-centric lens alone anymore. I'm more aware of non-lead characters now (some more so than others) and this is putting a whole new spin on my perception of everything that happens.

I've got no idea how Big Red can sleep with all this noise, though. I could never. But to each their own.

'perfect on paper' — that's EJ 1.0 to a T. I've got to give Nini that.

Ricky wearing the pride t-shirt... we love to see it.

See, this is why I keep forgetting why I ever shipped Rini and then remembering again... their chemistry is just so on-again-off-again, and here it's definitely present, but I just need a couple with consistent chemistry, you know. Hey, isn't that kind of what All I Want is about? Kind of. I don't know. I've been unable to listen to that song ever since it got big irl. I have this... problem with media that becomes popular and mainstream... I mean, I never hold a grudge against things just for being popular, but I just... relate to underrated stuff much easier. Not because it's underrated, but it just so happens that nearly everything I like and relate to is underrated in some capacity. Even HSMTMTS itself — it's practically unheard of here in Bulgaria, so I would not have found it if I hadn't been looking for it specifically. Ok, this comment got derailed several times. I guess I'll just stop here and move right on to 1x5 at this point.

1x5: A bedazzled tablecloth, a perfectly balanced unicycle and bad reception at the barn... not the perfect ingredients, but they can still... Work This Out

'Miss Jenn says that's a life in the arts... well, that and almost constant unemployment' — alright, I know this line is not supposed to be funny, and that it's a painful reality for a lot of people, but... maybe it's the delivery. I just laugh every time.

See, this is what I mean when I say I want to see consistent chemistry — Seblos have it. I mean, I really don't want to jinx things, but... they do.

Big Red seems to be in a more... outspoken mood today, I guess you could say. Too bad Ricky is still shutting everything he says down. Seriously, Big Red and Seb should start a club for people who try their best to be there for their loved ones and still keep being shushed.

I might be super frustrated with nearly everything Nini says and does (can somebody please tell me why that is?), but... flushing her dress down the toilet? Major mood.

Listen, I love Miss Jenn and that she's close to her students, but... emerging from a toilet cubicle and inviting herself to Kourtney and Nini's girls' night was... Will Shuester level of questionable.

Ricky being the mature one about his parents separation is... I mean, it's admirable, but how did he move past the impending depression of last episode and towards being the one who tells his dad to get up and move on? Well, I mean, good for him. But I think the issue is far from buried yet.

'Friend of the year'? Ricky? I don't think so. First of all, if he were, he'd know that Big Red does not have two left feet. Wasn't it you, Ricky, who was stumbling over the steps in HSM a couple of weeks ago? You're one to talk. Plus Big Red's been listening and trying to help while you've just been spouting off about your personal problems for... how long has it been now? I get it, Ricky has issues that he needs to work through, but he's almost legally blind in both eyes when it comes to Big Red.

Ok, but Ricky is the epitome of 'cannot solve his own problems but has a suggestion on how everybody else should solve theirs' in this episode. Maybe take a step back and listen to your own advice?

'My parents think I'm bonding with the livestock' — I've got no idea why I find this line so funny, but I do. And I've got so much love for this entire scene. Carlos' reaction to Seb's response to his invitation is just... the most adorable thing ever! My heart might just burst. Especially given what we're about to go through tomorrow in 2x10... I am. Not. Ready.

The entire karaoke scene just reminds me of... pretty much every extended family reunion on my mum's side. Her cousins love karaoke and are also completely tone-deaf. I love it that they're able to have fun with it, but my ears are still recovering from my great aunt's birthday party two years ago.

'When did you become Nini?' — Why does Mr. Mazzara know so much about his students' dating lives? I mean, Miss Jenn does, too, but he doesn't strike me as someone as invested in them as her. Idk, it just struck me as kind of weird.

'I didn't agree to photos' — please, EJ, I'm sure you'll want memories from your first fake-dating gig with Gina... once you're no longer fake-dating, you know. Boy, these two are going to have stories to tell to their grandchildren.

I've said some stuff about Nini, but... 'a bedazzled tablecloth' is the funniest description I've heard for Gina's homecoming dress.

'Maybe it's not actually about you at all.' Yeah, you tell him, Reddy! Ricky needs to get over himself.

The way Big Red sniffs out the drama, though... I was not-so-randomly reminded of that moment in 2x9 where Seb was like Carlos. and Big Red was like, 'Are you guys fighting?'...

Big Red doing a comedic lip-reading of Gina and EJ's dramatic scene is absolutely hilarious. I might or might not have sold my heart and soul to him after seeing that scene for the first time. But I just remembered how he said earlier that maybe he can't read lips and that just makes this 100% funnier — he was basically like a child who can't read yet making up a story based on the pictures in a book, and I mean it in the best way possible. He's a theatre dark horse, this one, and they should all be intimidated — or inspired, whatever they choose — by his hidden talents. Gosh, I love this guy. But can you blame me?

'You think I'm actually going to confide in you?' — Absolutely. You can't bully someone from your position of authority over them and then act like you're their friend. I do know now that Mr. Mazzara has hidden depths, but he had no right to be as rude to Carlos as he was in 1x3. He was right about one thing, though — Carlos doesn't need a dance partner to dance.

Ricky saying he was going to apologise to Gina and counting that as an apology is giving me major TJ/ Buffy flashbacks. I wonder why that is... * sarcasm *

Nini feeling like a fraud makes me actually sympathise with her for a second. But I feel like Nini's flaw of defining herself through boys and Ricky in particular has been addressed one time too many now, since it was first addressed here in this episode. If they make her and Ricky get back together again in season 2, I will riot. [side note: I feel like the Born to Be Brave scene says a lot about both Rini and Seblos as couples. Nini and Carlos both feel, in the moments leading up to the song, like they are incomplete without their partners. Ricky, too, has built his personality entirely around Nini at that time (and is still not completely over that in s2). And then the song comes in to remind them that they don't need a partner to be happy. I'm just thinking of Big Red's 'perfectly balanced unicycle' comment from the promotional materials, and of how he and Ashlyn, even when they're dating in s2, are never portrayed as being incomplete without each other. I guess there's a reason why they're the Beta Couple of the show — their relationship drama is nearly non-existent, and when it does exist, it's just caused by them caring too much about each other. Every other couple on the show should learn from them.]

Everybody supporting Carlos during the Born to Be Brave number just warms my heart so much... I am actually crying real tears. And then the end, when Seb finally shows up, right in time for the slow dance... I have a lot of feelings about this scene.

Seblos' dialogue here still kind of makes me cringe a little... but like, in a good way.

Yikes... Miss Jenn's getting into trouble... I mean, it was bound to happen sooner or later. But she's lucky she's had enough time with her students for them to love her enough to fight for her. Still, this is a topic for another episode, and so I won't expand on it in this post.

Well, that's it. That was 1x4 and 5. Those were pretty much my favourite episodes when season 1 was airing. And I can definitely see why, even if my views on some things have changed due to stuff that happens later. But, as I constantly say, that's what rewatches are for. In other words, 'once more, with feeling this time' as my choir director used to say.

[thexanwillshine]

internal travesties | levihan

pairing: levi x hange ; minor: eren x mikasa 

genre: romance/ fluff / slight angst

warnings: contains spoilers for chapters 105, 115. and 132

chapters: 1. 2. 3 (final).  

words: 4,648

summary: 

Levi felt his eye twitch in annoyance. She didn't look particularly special, but she entered (no, infiltrated) his cafe with bright eyes and all smiles, making him feel things that he never even felt before. Which was, in his opinion, completely unacceptable. Levi Ackerman hated feeling out of control. 

[Reincarnation! AU] [Levihan] [Minor Eremika]

crosspostings: AO3. 

note: i hope you guys enjoy ehehe <3 thank u for reading and i hope to see u all again very soon.

His memories feel like a travesty. 

Ever since he was young, Levi couldn’t help but feel as if there was something missing in his life. 

His brushes with insomnia gave him headaches no painkiller could cure. It was on those days that Levi’s mind went wild and his thoughts plagued him, ridding him of the sweet drug called sleep. Lonely nights like that made the man feel tired, as his brain was constantly exhausting itself in its search for answers he didn’t even know the questions to. 

On this particular cold night, he gives in to need, and chooses to contemplate his life. 

Levi could say that he had a fairly normal childhood. Even with his sweet darling of a mother, an invisible father, and his gloomy, sort-of sister, it had been rather uneventful. Technically, Mikasa was his cousin, but since they had grown up together she might as well have been his younger sister. Mikasa’s mother (his aunt) had asked if Mikasa could stay with his family when she turned ten so that the young girl could get a good school in the city. His mother, saint that she was, obviously agreed. 

He could remember a time when the young girl would always drag him to supervise her and her friends (all of whom were taller than Levi now, much to his chagrin) to pacify the concerns of Levi’s mother. As Mikasa matured, the young girl stopped making him constantly accompany her, since his mother trusted Mikasa enough to take care of herself at this point. In fact, Levi thought she would probably go out of her way just to get him not to come. Except when he would drive her. That darned girl thinks that he’s her own personal chauffeur.

While the two had their grievances, they maintained an understanding between them. Levi inherited his mother’s cafe called The Underground, and Mikasa went on to continue her parents’ legacy in the field of biology, choosing to major in botany like her mother. Sometimes, whenever Mikasa didn’t have midterms or finals or any exam that could potentially ruin her future, he would allow her to help out in the cafe once in a while. That way, she could technically say that she had experience working. It also gave Levi a good excuse to have extra hands. For Mikasa, it was a good way to earn money even though she didn’t really need to; Levi would give her cash whenever she would ask. 

Contrary to popular belief, Levi did have friends. There was Eld, the assistant manager he knew he could rely on because of his leadership skills. Oruo, who worked better as a cashier because of his case of Constant Threat of Tongue-Biting Which Could Lead To Bleeding . As much as possible, Levi wanted to keep him away from food. Gunther, who’s speed in the kitchen was god-tier. Then there was Petra, a young, budding barista whose skills were definitely commendable. 

Granted, all his friends were people who worked for him in the restaurant. There were several kids who worked for him part-time but they were more his responsibility rather than friends. Most of them were Mikasa’s friends, so at least there was someone accountable for them. Although, he had to admit they were very reliable.  

There’s also that one lawyer who had taken it upon himself to consistently come every morning to the cafe. He said his name was Erwin, and Levi would be lying if he told himself he wasn’t weirded out by the man. The blonde had stared him down on several occasions, as if waiting for him to say something. Once, when Levi couldn’t take it anymore, he asked him directly. 

“Any particular reason why you’re always staring openly at me?” Levi had asked rudely, scrunching his eyebrows at the man in confusion. 

Erwin shook his head in response before introducing himself, even handing the coffee owner a business card. Levi stared at the business card, wondering why in the world he would need a lawyer (god forbid he ever needs one, he’d rather not go to court over anything, really). Erwin Smith, the card had read. “You’ll see me here often since my father works close by.” 

After that, Erwin had frequented the cafe and even made friends with his employees. Petra says he tips very generously. Oruo thinks Erwin can do better. Levi doesn’t necessarily give a flying fuck, but he can’t help but feel as if he’d met or at least seen Erwin somewhere before. 

Levi goes on with his somewhat boring life. Once in a while, whenever he was feeling particularly sociable, he would agree to a cup of tea with Erwin and engage in random conversations about his job and his life. The man was not a pain to talk to. In fact, the entire time they talked, Levi was nagged by a certain familiarity he couldn’t quite place. He felt as if he knew the blond on a much deeper level than he was aware of. He shrugs it off. 

Sometimes, Levi would accompany his friends for drinks (but would never drink any, he hated the taste of alcohol with a passion). Apart from his sudden bouts of social energy,  the man thought his life to be ritualistic, monotone, and organized. He wasn’t complaining, of course; this is exactly what Levi wanted. Sometimes, however, whenever he would be driving home alone with the silence nagging his ears . . . Levi would feel an emptiness emerging from the back of his mind, clouding his thoughts until dawn.

His mind flew back to Erwin as he remembered the lawyer asking him a question in passing on a particularly slow work day. He had been clearing the table beside the blond when Erwin spoke. “Don’t you ever feel as if all your life, you’ve been waiting for something to happen? Like all these good things come to you but nothing really ever feels enough?”

Levi had glared at him, because yes , he definitely has . That every waking moment of his life he could never feel truly satisfied . He chose to maintain his silence. 

To Erwin’s credit, he dropped the subject and smiled softly, as if he could sense Levi’s discomfort. “Sorry,” Erwin said, chuckling. The man waved a wad of papers in his hand. “This case has been particularly mind-provoking, so I’ve been randomly spouting out philosophical questions to anyone who would be willing to listen.” 

“Good luck,” Levi replied shortly, taking the tray of empty cups in his hands and walking towards the staff room. 

Many a time, Levi had wondered how much of him was an open book. He liked to think that he was a pretty closed-off, ambiguous kind of guy. But Erwin had pretty much hit the mark—Levi had indeed settled, but he wasn’t sure if he was satisfied. 

Unfortunately, Erwin wasn’t the only blond who spouted weird questions out of the blue.

Levi had known Armin Arlert since he was a young boy. He remembers glaring at bullies who would tease and mock the poor child, before taking Mikasa and her rowdy group of troublemakers to another playground. Levi knew Mikasa was a reserved child, but it seemed as if her maternal instincts kicked in whenever she could sense Armin was in danger. While the young girl’s other friends were strong enough to defend themselves from the bullies whenever they were the target, Mikasa had long established that people shouldn’t even dare cross her (or her even scarier big “brother”). 

When Armin turned fifteen, his gait changed. Gone was the boy who would whimper as quiet as possible whenever he felt threatened. He still maintained his love for reading, but Armin suddenly adopted a mature mindset that seemed as if he possessed knowledge well-beyond his years. For a time, Mikasa would express her worry for the teenager in her and Levi’s rare conversations. Apparently, Armin had cried and launched himself on both Mikasa and Eren, holding them close to him as if the three of them had spent years apart from each other . . . when in fact, it was the middle of the day. 

Levi was no stranger to Armin’s inquisitive questions about topics the dark-haired man knew nothing of (and didn’t bother to care about). Hence, he thought that the young blond’s strange inquiries couldn’t get any stranger. 

Obviously, Levi was wrong. 

“Levi, do you ever feel as if this life was a second chance? Like, as if right now, you’re you, but not really. Like, there was once a past you, who was different from you now, but the you now is still you. So reincarnation, basically. Or maybe we’re in a different dimension and there are others out there who’re living a different life from us. That I’m just one Armin out of multiple Armins in the universe.” Armin’s questions and speculations came in rapid-fire as he leaned on the counter. “What do you think?”

“I think you need to stop reading science fiction ‘cos it messes with your brain,” Levi responded as he finished counting the coins in the cash register. “Unlike you, I don’t bother with the intricacies of life, brat.” Armin’s inquisitive expression fell into one of dismay as he frowned. 

Levi sighed inwardly as he closed the cash register. “I think the idea of reincarnation makes more sense compared to multiple universes though.”

Armin immediately brightened up when he looked at Levi, before diverting his gaze at Mikasa in what seemed like triumph. “I told you so!” he chirped gleefully. Thanks Levi.” 

Mikasa didn’t reply, but her scalding glare told Levi everything she wanted to say:  ‘Don’t encourage him!’ Levi rolled his eyes and went back to the kitchen, shutting out Eren’s excited questions (“Do you really think we had past lives? Do you think I was cool? Oh my god, what if I was a knight! Or a dinosaur? Or a giant hu—”) effectively by closing the door. 

Levi did give Armin’s questions some thought. There were indeed days wherein he felt out of place in his own skin, like he was living a life meant for someone else. There were also days when he would feel as if he was grasping at threads, trying to figure out what in his life wasn’t in place. However, the concept of reincarnation was something that seemed implausible to him especially because he didn’t believe in the divine. 

The dark-haired man closed his eyes, placing his arm on his forehead as he shifted underneath the  covers. The clock read 15:06, which meant that he had already been awake for a grand total of 23 hours. At four in the morning, he would need to take over the night shift, which Eld was currently in charge of. 

Once again, he is faced with a dilemma: (1) try to get some sleep so that he can get a bit of rest and risk giving Eld overtime, or (2) suck it up and accept the fact that this day was going to be another one of his 48-hour days.

The answer was obvious. Levi was not the type of person to let others suffer for his mistakes. So he grit his teeth, pushed himself out of bed, and headed to his bathroom to take a hot shower.

He really needs to get some rest. 

When Levi exited the bathroom thirty minutes later, dressed and ready for work, someone was knocking on his door. Levi scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. It was nearly four in the morning. With his mother in Sina for a conference and Mikasa due to wake at six in the morning, there should be no one in the house to bother him at the ungodly hour. 

He opened the door and was proven wrong when his sight was greeted by Mikasa. She had puffy eyes, tear-streaked cheeks, and shivering lips. The poor girl held her black scarf close to herself as if it would help ease whatever pain she was feeling. Levi blinked at the sight, unsure of what to say. He tried anyway. 

“What’s wrong, brat? Mosquito get stuck in your ear again?” Mikasa shook her head . Levi sighed as he noted that she didn’t give him her traditional glare. “Need to talk about it?” 

She opened her mouth and closed it again in response. She does this thrice before Levi interrupts her. 

“ Oi, fishface, is it a yes or a no?” 

Mikasa shook her head a second time. 

“Well, brat, how do you expect me to help you?” Levi pushed his door open and let his cousin in. Mikasa entered clumsily (different from her usual composed self, he noted) and sat at the edge of his bed. 

Levi glanced at his glowing clock before choosing to text Eld. He’s going to be late and Eld would have to work overtime. Levi wasn’t entirely sure if he’d make it to the cafe by four (even though it was just a five minute drive) given the status of his crying sister. 

Mikasa rarely cried, and even if she did, she wouldn’t go to him of all people. She’d most likely sneak out to go visit Eren or Armin, which is nothing the young girl hadn’t done before. So, Levi decided, just for today, he would ask Eld for this one favor in order to offer his own personal brand of comfort to his cousin and exist with her as she lamented (not like he can say much to comfort her, anyway). 

He successfully got a reply from Eld, who had agreed to cover the overtime. The assistant manager relayed a bit of concern from Petra, who mentioned that it was very “unlike boss” to show up to work late. Levi was about to send a message informing the two of his personal matters when Mikasa spoke up. 

“You don’t . . . remember anything, do you Captain?” 

“Hah?” Levi asked, half his focus on his phone as he tapped the send button. “Remember what?” 

Mikasa glared at the floor as if begging it to swallow her whole. She wiped her tears with the sleeve of her shirt, and buried half of her face behind the dark scarf she was sporting. Offhandedly, Levi wondered when was the last time she washed that thing. He should probably remind Mikasa after her breakdown. 

“Armin wasn’t lying, you know.”

Confused as ever, he raised an eyebrow. Is she going through a phase? Levi wondered, his mouth set in a grim line. “About what?”

She spoke to the floor and not really at him. “About the past. The past lives, I mean. Reincarnation, and all that.” 

If Levi had been confused before, he was even more confused now. 

“I can’t talk to you about it,” Mikasa continued, holding her arms closer to her. “No matter how much I try, the words don’t—no, won’t come out.” She let out a sigh, before looking up at Levi, who was already feeling kind of guilty as he wasn’t able to give her much help. 

“Then don’t force yourself to talk if it’s hard for you to, you can just go over it next time,” Levi offered, crossing his arms over his chest and glancing at the clock. I really am bad at this , he thought. 

 Mikasa shook her head for the third time that night. “It’s much harder than you think.” She paused and straightened up, inhaling sharply through her nose and exhaling through her mouth. “It seems it doesn’t work like that. I need to talk to Armin. Can you drive me?”

Levi had no idea what in the world it was and why it doesn’t work like that . Given the complexity of the situation—mostly due to the fact that he was complete shit at giving her help, advice, or anything she needed emotionally, really—he made no attempts to complain about her request to chauffeur her. 

The young girl asked him nicely after all . Maybe she really wasn’t feeling well. 

He nodded. “Don’t you want to get dressed first? You look like a mess.” He scrunched his nose at her scarf, “Also, when’s the last time you washed that thing? That might be really dir—” 

Levi didn’t get to finish the rest of his sentence because Mikasa had thrown the scarf straight up to his face. His eye twitched in annoyance as he plucked the scarf out of his head. He shoved it in Mikasa’s hands. She was lucky the scarf didn’t smell bad, otherwise he would’ve definitely confiscated it and thrown it in the washing machine. “Damn it, brat, learn how to wash your clothes. I’m telling mom.” 

“Blabbermouth, squealer, mama’s boy, ” Mikasa retorted, standing up. 

Levi rolled his eyes before grabbing his keys from his bedside table and turning off his lamp. Mikasa had already stepped outside, her black scarf wrapped around her neck. Levi closed his door when he exited, moving in step with the younger woman. She was already calling Armin, and Levi knew that the blond would be ready to accept company when he heard Armin’s sleepy voice respond from the other line. Levi didn’t bother listening, and instead chose to open the car door and wait inside the vehicle (a black four-seater that his invisible father had left him) as Mikasa conversed with Armin. 

She entered after about ten minutes, slamming the car door shut. Levi pulled out of their driveway smoothly. 

“Drop by the cafe if you and Armin need to eat,” Levi said shortly as Mikasa put on her seatbelt. 

“Is it on the house?” 

“Of course, I’ll dock it from your pay.”

“Some definition of ‘on the house'   you have.” 

The ride takes about twenty minutes without traffic, since Armin lived a bit further away. The two Ackermans sat without conversing, both of them listening to the soft sound of music from the radio. 

It’s Levi who broke the silence. “Oi, brat, this isn’t necessarily my business, but shouldn’t you also be calling your other snot-nosed friend?”

The reply came quicker than he had anticipated. “No.” 

She doesn’t elaborate, so Levi left it at that. Perhaps, he thought, they fought, and that's why the dark-haired woman was acting weird. Either way, he knew it was none of his business. 

They arrive at Armin’s house at about five minutes ‘till five in the morning. Mikasa opened the door, muttering a sincere “thank you” as she left. She closed the door behind her softly, enough to lock it but not loud enough to wake the neighbors. Mikasa gave her older cousin a brief wave and turned around swiftly to Armin’s doorstep before he could even nod in acknowledgement. 

At least he wasn’t the only Ackerman who was bad at showing emotions. 

Armin waves enthusiastically from the doorway, and Levi (unenthusiastically) raises his hand in reply. He then pulled back from the driveway and headed to his cafe. 

The drive towards The Underground  is short and uneventful. He had already texted Eld in advance that he would be arriving. He brought his car into the parking lot and headed to his designated parking spot, beside the PWD parking near the entrance. To his surprise, there was a car already in his spot. It was a blue pick-up truck that looked worse for wear. 

Levi’s eye twitched in mild annoyance. 

He knew he couldn’t do anything about it since there was no sign that that specific spot was for him (he really, really should do that). Since dawn was normally for students cramming their papers, all of whom didn’t need cars since the university was just walking distance from the cafe, Levi had assumed he wouldn’t need the sign anymore. Clearly, he was wrong. 

Levi sighed before deciding to park two spots beside the pick-up truck. 

Upon entering the cafe, he noticed that there were only about three customers. One was a regular: a blonde girl whose drinks were surrounded by a pile of papers. Her highlighting was careless and panicky. Beside her sat an auburn-haired girl, who was the second customer. Compared to the blonde, she was already lost in sleep.  

The third customer was someone he never really encountered in his shop before. From where he entered, Levi could see that she was wearing a thick pair of glasses, and that her hands were shoved in a tan coat. She was incredibly tall, and sported dark boots and leggings. The woman was currently standing in front of the counter, her eyes focused on the menu splayed out on the bright screens above the coffee machines. 

Levi passed her without giving it much thought, swiftly entering the staff room. Eld grinned at him when he entered, removing his apron and placing it on the rack. “Good morning boss,” he greeted, as Levi grabbed his own apron and swung it over his head. 

“There’s a customer outside,” Levi said nonchalantly. 

Eld nodded in recognition. “Yeah, she comes here every three a.m. on the dot. Leaves before you arrive, so I understand why you’re not familiar with her. Don’t worry though, she looks like she’s thinking now, but she’s going to order the same thing. Make sure to get her a large, sweet cream cold brew nitro.” 

Levi nodded as Eld checked out, bidding him goodbye. Levi dumped his car keys in his locker before he heard the bell ring from outside. That tall girl was probably ready to order her americano. 

He exited the door, standing in front of her and checking to see if Eld properly set the cashier for his shift. Levi nodded to himself in approval, as Eld had done his job spectacularly (as always). In about an hour, Jean Kirchstein and Marco Bott would be taking over the cashier while he cleaned the store. He barely glanced at the customer as he mechanically tapped his fingers rhythmically on the register, letting out the practiced “May I take your order?” 

“Good morning! Could I please have a large sweet cream cold brew nitro? To-go, please!” 

Something about her voice made Levi’s blood run cold. He raised his head to look at her. She was smiling at him, her eyes shining with excitement. Her bangs are parted in the middle of her forehead and the rest of her hair is tied in a lazy half-bun. By the greasy state of her auburn hair, it looked like she hadn’t bothered bathing. 

For a reason Levi couldn’t explain (he would later argue that it was because he was so surprised to see that someone could live their life while having hair so dirty ), his body grew stiff as he stared at her, transfixed. 

The girl tilted her head to the side in confusion. “Is something wrong?” she asked, looking at him. “Is my order not available? That’s okay, you know, I can just order something else—” 

Levi interrupted her tirade as he regained control over his body once again, swallowing the odd feeling gnawing at his gut. “Name?” he managed to choke out, trying his best to appear calm. For some strange reason, his heart decided that now was the time for palpitations. 

“Oh!” the girl said in surprise, “right, I haven’t seen you here at this hour before! Just put in Hange!”

His hands moved automatically to input her order. There really is something so . . . familiar about her, but Levi just couldn’t seem to put his finger on it. It reminded him of when he had first met Erwin. He felt like he had seen her from a dream long forgotten in the recesses of his mind, begging to be released and remembered. 

There’s just one problem: he knows he’s never seen this girl in his life before. After all, someone who never washed their hair would make a very distinct impression on him. 

“That’ll be four dollars,” Levi said through grit teeth, annoyed at himself for failing to maintain his own composure. Hange nodded fervently as she placed her five dollar bill on the counter. 

“Keep the change!” she declared enthusiastically, before peering at him in concern. “You’re okay, right?” Hange asked. “Sorry, early mornings really aren’t for everyone, huh?”

He remained silent, placing the bill inside the cash register and shutting it close. Levi didn’t bother answering her question as he allowed his mind to get lost in thought. He continued the patterns of service he had long since memorized, his body on autopilot. 

Levi was always in control of his mind, his body, his spirit . . . so why?  There were a million questions racing through his head. ‘ Who the fuck is this girl? Damn, my heart feels like it’s going to pop out of my chest. This isn’t normal.’ 

He stole a glance at her lanky form, hoping that she wasn’t at the counter anymore and had taken a seat somewhere in the cafe. To his disappointment, she was still standing there, watching him make the drink. When she saw him look at her, she gave him a tiny wave. 

Levi felt his eye twitch in annoyance. She didn’t look particularly special, but she entered (no, infiltrated) his cafe with bright eyes and all smiles, making him feel things that he never even felt before. 

Which was, in his opinion, completely unacceptable. Levi Ackerman hated feeling out of control. 

He poured the drink into a tall cup expertly before placing it on top of the counter. “Hange,” he called, her name escaping his lips smoothly, as if he had said the syllables a million times before. 

Levi frowned, sensing the beginnings of a migraine in the middle of his eyebrows, so he pinches the area gently, as if the action could relieve some of the pain. 

Hange walked over to the counter, looking a bit concerned. “Hey, Levi,” she started, and the man visibly flinched. Why did the sound of his name from her voice trigger a barrage of emotions he’s never even bothered to feel before?

Levi dug his nails into the palms of his hands. He was almost about to ask ‘how the fuck do you know me’ and ‘do I fucking know you’ before the rational part of his brain interjected that she had probably seen his name tag. 

His silence gave Hange permission to speak again, so she continued. “Do you have a headache?” Without waiting for him to respond, she smiled. “I got just the thing! I’ll leave you this gift as my thanks for your service!” And with those words, she placed a painkiller on the counter as she gently took her drink. “Take it so you can have a good morning, okay? 

Levi watched her actions cautiously. 

She winked. “Oh, and don’t take it with tea.”  

Levi’s eyes narrowed in suspicion at this point. The words Do I know you? burst in his mind and died at the edges of his lips. Instead, he muttered a clipped “thank you” to her small token of appreciation. 

She grinned. “Take care, Levi!” 

And with those words, she left, leaving Levi to wonder out loud, “what the fuck just happened?” 

The body remembers what the mind has forgotten.  

[demi-shoggoth]

COVID-19 Reading Log, pt 18

Man, this past month has been a heck of a year, hasn’t it? I’ve still been reading books, but my pace has ebbed and flowed, and I forgot to update this for a while. So here’s my thoughts on ten of the most recent books I’ve read.

91. The League of Regrettable Sidekicks by Jon Morris. I had no idea this book existed until I was doing image searches for this project for the other “League of Regrettable X” books. This one covers the sidekicks, minions and goons of comic history. Unlike the other books by Jon Morris, the spread is more even of Gold/Silver/other ages of comic books. After all, the 70s is when Jaxxon the green rabbit appeared in Star Wars, and the 80s had a shape-shifting penguin named Frobisher in the Doctor Who comics. It also feels like it’s a little looser about what makes a character “regrettable”. Some of the sidekicks in its pages, like Woozy Winks and Volstagg the Voluminous, are legit great characters.

92. Encyclopedia of Things That Never Were by Michael Page and Robert Ingpen. I wanted to like this book; I really did. For one thing, it was recommended to me by @listmaker-lastcity​, who I was working with on commissions. For another thing, it was fairly pricy used. Thirdly, to its merit, it is gorgeous. Michael Page, the illustrator, is credited first, and rightly so. But for an “encyclopedia”, it makes up a lot of stuff. It opens with a disclaimer that “the creators of this book have… unlocked their own fantasies”, which means that it invents Arthuriana and Greek myths wholeheartedly. Several of the entries do not exist outside this book, and others are so distorted that their actual folkloric origins have been clouded and obscured by people using this as a source. For material I’m not familiar with the primary sources of, like Gulliver’s Travels, I have no idea if it’s reflecting the source material accurately, or making things up whole cloth. As a fantasy, it’s intermittently fun; some rather nasty misogyny does sneak in and the book is wildly anti-science. As a reference work, it’s useless to the point of actively harmful.

93. Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh. I was a huge fan of the “Hyperbole and a Half” blog back in the day, and knowing Allie Brosh’s history of mental health problems, I was worried when she seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. Her release of a second book was a pleasant surprise, but also showed that some worry was appropriate. This collection of essays, cartoons and heavily-cartooned essays is sadder than the first collection, as it was written during and after a series of family tragedies. It is still very funny in parts, however, and has an overall message of self-care and love that turned out to be extra relevant in the nightmare year that is 2020. It’s the only book for this project that I read in a single sitting. Highly recommended.

94. Mozart’s Starling by Lyanda Lynn Haupt. This book is half memoir, half biography. The composer Mozart owned a starling during some of his most productive years as a composer, and even wrote an elegy to it when it died. The author used this as a launching point to adopt her own starling, and to examine how this invasive species is seen in American birding culture. The writing is humanistic and charming, and very self-aware (the author worries that her starling is going to die, because that’s what always happens in “this animal changed my life” books). The message is one of respecting all other creatures and of valuing the lives of animals, which is not much of a surprise from the author’s other books (I covered The Urban Bestiary earlier in this project.

95. The Butchering Art: Joseph Lister’s Quest to Transform the Grisly World of Victorian Medicine by Lindsey Fitzharris. The subtitle says it all; this is a biography of Joseph Lister, focusing on his research into antisepsis and promotion of sterile technique in surgery. It takes ample digressions to talk about other major surgeons of the time, the state of hygiene and disease theory in Victorian England, France and the United States, as well as things like labor conditions and women’s rights. These bits and pieces are woven in successfully, so they feel like appropriate context setting. Fitzharris is empathetic despite the often grisly subject matter, but readers with a sensitive stomach and a low tolerance for gore might want to skip this one.

96. Twice the Thrills! Twice the Chills! by Bryan Senn. This is a big book, 400 pages in full sized paper. It is an overview of the horror/SF double feature, covering every movie released initially in that format between 1955 and 1974 in the United States. As such, it reviews more than 200 movies, with behind-the-scenes anecdotes, critical opinion and box office, and general coverage of trends and themes in genre cinema at the time. I enjoyed this book greatly, especially since it covered some movies I’d never even heard of. The timing is perfect, too, as I read this book just before @screamscenepodcast​ covered the first entries in it, Revenge of the Creature/Cult of the Cobra. My one complaint is that the author seems biased against Japanese films. He discredits the special effects and monster suits in kaiju movies compared to even movies like Attack of the Giant Leeches and The Killer Shrews, and complains about acting and scripts in Japanese films much more than he does for other dubbed films. He also consistently refers to Ishiro Honda as “Inoshiro Honda”, which is how his name was misspelled in the 60s. That level of disrespect for some of my favorite genre pictures is a constant low-level irritation in what is otherwise a fine resource.

97. Cursed Objects by J. W. Ocker. This is a fun catalog of objects said to be cursed, including the whys, supposed effects and current locations of these artifacts. The book is sorted into categories, like “cursed objects in museums”, “cursed furniture”, “technological cursed objects”. It takes a skeptical, folkloric look at the topic, being more interested in the stories than in any legit supernatural powers. It even talks about things that “should” be cursed because of their odd appearances or eerie provenances, but aren’t, like the Crystal Skull forgeries. The book is a pleasant and breezy read, and the author has a good sense of humor on the topic. He curses the book itself with an epigram against thieves, and buys a cursed dog statue on eBay that sat on his desk throughout the writing process.

98. Death in the Garden by Michael Brown. This book is wildly misnamed, being light on both the “garden” and the “death”. It’s supposedly a social history of poisonous plants, but is more interested in English herbals specifically. It refers to the authors by name extensively as if we should have all of these memorized, and the only place where the prose has any energy is in the biographical section for these herbalists. There’s very little information about the actual plants and their poisons. I would use the word “doddering” to describe the prose style, which is simultaneously rambling and boring. The photography is pretty, though.

99. Ripley’s Believe it Or Not! 1929-1930 by Robert Ripley. IDW puts out lovely volumes of vintage American comics, and this is no exception. Being a kid into weird facts and trivia, and an adult who is still into them, the Ripley franchise was a major part of my childhood. This is the first modern collection organized chronologically, covering the first two years the strip was in national syndication. The strips cover the typical Ripley mix of sports trivia, weird facts, word riddles and puzzles, misleading statements and the occasional outright lie. The book has a warning about the racial attitudes of the time, which is fair, but it’s not nearly as bad as I feared. Ripley’s habit of drawing from photographic references means that people in ethnic minorities look like real people. But the language is decidedly “of its time”, with slurs used to identify foreign ethnicities (particularly Asian ones). So be warned.

100. Unlucky Stiffs: New Tales of the Weirdly Departed by Cynthia Ceilan. I’m ordering material to pick up from my local library again, which is great! This book was actually recommended by the library website based on the morbid slant of some of the other books I was putting on hold. Unfortunately, this book sucks. It’s pitched as a “weird deaths” book, something like a more literary version of the Darwin Awards. But the deaths are often not all that bizarre, instead being typically sad accidents or murders. It just comes off as mean spirited and misanthropic. Not recommended.

[sugar-petals]

BTS Tarot Reading: Life After Fame

↳ @sheebaba​ had a request: 

hiya and sure! let’s see. tarot is a bit vague when it comes to clear yes and no verdicts, but the context of the imagery helps so i went for that.

---

↪ here are the members that settle:

jimin: ACE OF CUPS — he’ll restructure his social life based on a relationship that sweeps him off his feet. however, given the harmonious nature of the card, there’s no drama of cutting ties. it’s just that such a new element is introduced to his routine that he naturally and slightly distances himself from the public to take care of love and daily life. we’ll still hear about him and his S/O plenty (note the overspilling cup) regardless. it’ll be a happy end, no grief, no remorse on either side.

taehyung: QUEEN OF COINS — nobody’s surprised at that one 😄 this queen, the archetype of motherhood and domestic life, tells us that tae will retreat to home life big time. also, given the blooming nature and absence of swords on the card, he will not use technology as much anymore. we won’t see as many updates unless he exhibits art or photography. he has tons of things to organise and his wife is the utmost priority. he could even be a full-time househusband.

namjoon: 6 OF WANDS — this is the member i am surest about in terms of concluding stardom. this reversal is a pretty classic sign, there will be a point where he will renounce the limelight for good. he doesn’t want to be widely seen, heard, and applauded and instead opts for letting go of the satisfaction of renown; he’s satiated and content. we will witness a humble descent into privacy from him. and he will keep it secret, the card reveals no hints about relationships.

seokjin: 7 OF SWORDS — at first, people will hardly notice, this card is about sneaking away in silence. a guy carries five swords away from a battlefield on the imagery. five could be the # of members he keeps in touch with, which worries me since it’s one missing. the card also relates to exiting military, he could retreat after his service. jin might return though, tarot readers say about the card that the sly sword guy soon gets caught 😂

↪ and here are the ones that don’t:

jk: PAGE OF COINS (reverse) — this page is all about laying foundations and taking opportunities. in reverse, you rather see the person sticking to their guns and old plans. jk is still avid to be the born singer to us. he won’t pursue a different education to start in an unknown field. so, he would rather continue performing instead of the usual idol career after disbanding. he won’t look for a different income source or career. he already told us, he never believed there was an alternative to begin with.

yoongi: PAGE OF WANDS (reverse) — he’ll take a long time to abandon and shift his lifestyle. yoongi is not motivated to embark on another great adventure, nor does he have lofty goals for private undertakings. charging into dating and travel right away? not him. he stays in his comfort zone. it’s as he said, he won’t get active outside the industry anytime soon. he will keep the wheel going, agust d stays a staple in the landscape. pd yoongles remains a constant to us.

hoseok: 8 OF COINS — he is keeping up the good work. on the card, you see a guy pictured immersed in chiseling. hobi thinks of many a project, he will be quite active in k-pop with up to 8 pieces of major chart-topping music coming out. if not, he will be pretty busy working in a related field (likely dance). we’ll definitely see his productivity, his energy won’t run out. he’s the member we will get the most consistent updates on. he’s a long-term superstar 😊

↳ NOTE: curiously, no major arcana appeared in this reading. so it doesn’t predict the state of things over several decades. think 3-7 years instead. the minor arcana (=suits) are short-term trends and daily life topics.

DISCLAIMER // tarot is speculative, there is no guarantee for accuracy. believing in the cards is a choice. all portrayals are fictive and for entertainment purposes only.

[natolesims]

Okay I’m SO curious so I have a lot of questions

7, 8, 9, 10, 15, 24, & 31! (If you feel up for it, of course!)

Hellooooo~ Some questions have been answered already, so I'll add them at the end of the post!

8. What about your story are you proud of?

The story itself, if I'm honest xD I started hoarding screenshots and went through them pretty often thinking "oh, I wish I could do something with these...". I was worried about it being a bad sims story about a childish fan disney save. And I did it. It was a big step for me, and I'm so happy I had a positive answer to them and you get to enjoy the content!

9. What about your story are you looking to improve on?

Mostly everything! I'm trying to learn poses because I want some scenes to look more natural. I am happy with the way the graphics are turning out recently, but I have to play more with angles and camera locations.... while learning some more photoshop tricks to add effects. Also, I'm trying to be more consistent with the posts and not to take SO LONG to complete the chapters! I'm actually quick at the gameplay, but the posting is another story :') For short: everything can be improved!

31. Drop some random trivia about your story

Eis's severe allergy towards apples is a constant trait of the family bloodline. It will play a major role in the future.

This is the first of my stories where some heirs will actually die and not precisely from old age.

Some well-known characters will have different roles and personalities from what we know. I think Prince Charming was a great example of what to expect.

Even if every generation is dramatic in different levels, there will always be a "happy ending" for the characters, even if it's bittersweet.

Doc was almost the "Cinderella" of gen 2, but I wanted to play more with Eis' children before moving forward in the story. That's why I decided to have a middle child as the heir.

And another bonus o3o

7. What's the biggest risk you’ve taken with your story? did it pay off?

Being cynical enough to don't give a "happily ever after" to any of my characters xD I mean, Eis story (Snow White) was a safe bet. Poor defenseless pregnant teen girl goes through a lot but at the end gets a happy life. But Ella gets her prince, who ends up being a jackass, she is still miserable and the villain wins. I was happily surprised when I saw most of you liked the turn of events!

10. Is your story fully planned or are you still working things out? is there a definitive end?

Both of them are halfway planned, I dare to say. I'm still figuring out what to do with the last gens, but since both were intended to be LONG legacy challenges I'm taking things slow? I don't know what the future will bring, so that's why I make the generation chapters like "related-but-individual-short-stories".

15. What have been the highlights of creating your story?

Improving my photoshop skills, getting excited about playing my saves once again, and getting actual regular readers and mutuals! I never expected the last part. I thought I was sending my story into the void, but you have been so kind and I have even made some friends!

24. Are there any characters who remind you of yourself?

Actually... no? I'm a normal and quiet person and my sims tend to have pretty quirky personalities 💁

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

"recess, I'm tired" (Iida Tenya X Reader)

This is the second part to: ice-cream-kitsunegirl.tumblr.com/post/611326356316389376/can-you-meet-me-tonight-in-detention-iida-tenya

Summary: After snapping at Iida and some of your classmates, you feel horrible and want to make it up to them.

This was originally supposed to be a big one-shot but ended up being a two-parter since it was WAY too big lol but it worked out for the best! I hope this will be a satisfying conclusion :3

Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGkF8635zSE

A COUPLE OF SECONDS AGO…

No more negativity. Not right now.

You wanted positivity, and show that kind positivity to your classmates from now on. As soon as you were finished with your paper and handed it to Mic, you were rushing out the door. “You got this!!” He made sure to give you that support too, because he knew a stressed-out student when he saw one and that’s the only reason you got upset in the first place. They needed to do something about students and mental health…

AFTER DETENTION…

Don't let them fuck you, honey, no, oh Don't let them try (ooh) Don't let them hurt you, baby Just say, "Recess, I'm tired"

Going back to the dorms after detention was… awkward. As awkward as class was the entire time, because once you entered the dorms many of your classmates glanced at you only to quickly look away as if they were afraid you were going to snap again. That and some of the more considerate ones didn’t want to just poke and prod at you until you get irritated again, they were pretty certain you didn’t want to be reminded of what went down this morning.

You tried to wave at some classmates like Kaminari and Sero, and thankfully they gave you waves in return but they looked very nervous and scared even. Sighing, you shook your head and headed to your room and you saw Midoriya with his squad consisting of Uraraka, Todoroki and Iida…

Oh God…

“Hi (Y/N)! How was… detention? They weren’t too harsh on you were they? Present Mic is always making us write in English…” Uraraka however, tried to be mediator and see how you were doing even though she was very aware you and Iida were still not happy with each other. Iida more so no doubt as you had come down from your angry high a while ago.

“It was… it was fine… it wasn’t that bad… he wasn’t that bad either.” You nervously mumbled as you only noticed Midoriya, Todoroki and Uraraka looking at you. Iida didn’t even gaze in your direction, and you couldn’t bring yourself to do the same.

“Are you okay?” And to your great surprise, Todoroki of all people asked you if you were feeling okay as you blinked a bit. That genuinely surprised you even though you knew Todoroki was a nice guy, it still shocked you.

With a slow, hesitant nod you mumbled ‘Kinda’ and the boy silently nodded in reply. Todoroki understood why you got so upset, after all, he’s certainly overreacted when he was angry too so he didn’t and wouldn’t judge you.

“Well I’m glad you’re feeling better (L/N)… see you at dinner.” Midoriya’s words were genuine as he wanted to be polite to you despite what you said to him. And he wasn’t one to hold grudges so he acted like everything was okay as he gave you a small smile even though he didn’t really make eye contact with you and you nodded, unable to give any sort of eye contact in return.

“See ya…” Glancing away you let the four walk past you. Iida wasn’t even going to talk to you and that… hurt. He always had something to say but remained silent the entire time you and he were in proximity. You knew that was earned though because you were SUCH a jerk to him this morning, and that’s what stung the most, that you did that. You hurt his feelings and now you were paying the price as you walked glumly to your room and keep thinking about what you did.

THAT NIGHT…

Sittin' in my room, looking at all I've done Everything I wanted has come to fruition I should be happy but I can't get out my bed Stressin' 'bout the voices screamin' inside my head

You could barely sleep as you had your headphones on and listened to your music. Even as the song played in your ears and that was all you could hear, all you could see was the faces of the ones you hurt this morning.

Midoriya. Yaoyorozu. Ojiro, Aoyama. Jirou. Iida…

Oh god why did it have to be them? You really didn’t mean to hurt them, you were just so upset and they were in the line of fire but still. You felt horrible.

All you could see was the tears in their eyes because of the way you yelled at them and insulted them. They really didn’t deserve it.

You wanted to say that you deserved to feel like this, but at the same time you didn’t want to beat yourself up too-too much. It’s not like you asked for these emotions or this stress that ate you up inside.

Yes you were at UA, yes you were in the Hero Course, but getting closer to what you want or trying to get closer to what you want meant having to constantly work and be under constant stress. It’s horrible, and you just needed a break. Like the one you had now that really let you think about everything, even if it made you feel bad. And then you started to think that maybe you should have opened up to someone about this instead of exploding.

Of course how could you have come up with a plan when all of that stress was in your head? Now you knew at least, and from now on you were going to start doing that and find someone to open up to and let others give you help.

You knew that now, and you knew that you needed to talk and apologize to all of your friends and all the ones you hurt.

3 DAYS LATER…

Now that tests were over for now, everyone was able to do their own things for the time being while it was the weekend. And after three long nights of tossing and turning, you felt EXTREMELY bad about what you said to your classmates. It was just not right to have been so cruel to them when they were actually trying to help you.

So, you had to make this right. Yeah they were still avoiding you for the past three days and to an extent a majority of your classmates also avoided you but still wanted to make this right. Without even thinking, you snuck out of the dorms and immediately ran to the nearest stores to go and buy something nice for everyone, but especially the ones whose feelings you hurt.

Damn… you weren’t good at getting things for people, so you just did what you did in doubt, which was buy some sweets for everyone. Chocolate, along with several ‘I’m sorry’ cards that you got from the birthday card kiosk.

You didn’t go back into the dorms until you were done signing each and every card, and then you also brought some baskets and also a cute little teddy bears, one for Yaoyorozu. And also a cute little All-Might figurine for Izuku. You wanted to get something nice for Jirou, Ojiro and Aoyama but you didn’t really know what they liked…

So you settled on buying them some gift cards, when in doubt, use gift cards as well. Some place preferably not fast food though, since everyone in this class was a freaking health-nut, but thankfully they all liked Starbucks…

You hoped Iida would like it too, him you especially owed an apology to. At least for lashing out, you weren’t really going to apologize for your stress because that wasn’t something you could help, you would just apologize for hurting their feelings.

Still, stepping foot back into the dorms was awkward as your telekinesis allowed you to hold everything you had for your classmates as you hid behind the corner and saw everyone in the commons and the kitchen as they sat either at the tables or the couch. 

They didn’t see you yet (except maybe Shouji) but that was good, you didn’t want to be seen just yet.

“Ahem��”

People gonna say If you need a break, someone'll take your place People gonna try To tell you that you're fine with dollars in their eyes Just remember...

And you raised the volume in your voice to get their attention, but they all perked up and looked a little bit alarmed, which didn’t really amuse you but you weren’t surprised after the way you acted.

“Hey.” You said very awkwardly as you lowered all of the baskets and bags. “I… don’t know how to say this… and I don’t even know if I have… any authority to speak up but… guys I… wanted to say that I am… so sorry for… getting so turned up a couple of days, and that all of you guys had to be there and see all of that when… none of you deserved to witness me being like that... and I really... really regret acting like that because... it was... so bad... God I’m embarrassed...”

There you said it. You apologized your heart out as your eyes felt warm just forcing all of these words out your throat because they had to be said, you wanted to say this no matter how hard it was and how nervous you were because you feared that you weren’t going to receive any forgiveness and you didn’t even see most of your classmates glanced at you sympathetically.

“It is… SO not cool to be acting like that… after all, I’m not Bakugo, I’m not the type to just scream at people, and I really can’t... stress just how sorry I am that you all saw me acting like that...” With a small chuckle, many of your classmates snickered while Bakugo indignantly shouted ‘HEY!’ in response when you kinda made fun of him a little bit. But thankfully, some of your friends understood.

“It’s okay!” Uraraka chimed in quickly, because she had tried to reassure Midoriya and Iida earlier to go easy on you because you were so stressed out, and she didn’t want them to take it too personally as she added. “Really (Y/N)… we’re not mad at you.” Although that was partially true, some WERE kinda mad at you but also they knew you didn’t truly mean that. Or at least they hoped you didn’t.

“No… we’re not, your hair was practically falling out…”

“We get heated girl! We understand!”

“Yeah it happens to everyone, we can’t always help it…”

“And I stood up all night just studying for our tests, I was freaking out too...”

“It isn’t easy when all these tests are making your head explode…”

To your even greater surprise, some of your friends like Ashido, Hagakure, Shouji, Kaminari and Sero spoke up to reassure you and relate to you that you weren’t the only one alone in that situation. Were they upset by how you acted? Of course, they were shocked and mildly horrified by what you said AND thought it was uncalled for and so they avoided you. But did they hold it against you? No, not really, they weren’t happy with how you acted but they didn’t hold it against you because they knew you were just under a lot of pressure and not acting like yourself. And yes while your outburst surprised them, they understood why you did what you did. 

However, they WERE going to have to start keeping an eye on you and each other from now on since they were painfully aware that stress makes people act out sometimes. This just meant they were going to have to be extra supportive to you and to each other. 

“Yeah! It’s cool (Y/N)… I mean yeah it kinda shocked us earlier but it’s really okay… we know you.” And Kirishima had to be the sweetheart to cheer you up with a sweet smile as you could feel your lip starting to quiver and your eyes growing warm and teary.

“Dammit… I almost hoped you guys would be mad so I wouldn’t cry…” You mumbled with a soft chuckle as you quickly looked away and picked up some of the baskets and bags, “B-But please… everyone take one of these… I really feel bad for hurting you guys and you all deserve something nice…” Your gesture surprised them even more, but they were all touched by it as they smiled and started to say ‘It’s okay!’ ‘Wow thank you!’ ‘You didn’t have to!’ ‘Thank you (L/N)!’.

Even some of the ones who you directly hurt, and you went over to Midoriya and Yaoyorozu, “Yaoyorozu… Izuku…” It was SO awkward and painful going over to them, they had the saddest looks in their eyes. Poor Yaoyorozu still looked hurt as Midoriya gave you those damn puppy dog eyes that were so effective it broke your heart.

“Guys I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean any of what I said, I was mad but… I’m so sorry… please… have these.” You carried their gift baskets in your separate hands, which made them perk up as they looked to see your gifts. A cute little teddy bear and an All-Might figurine.

“(L/N)…” Yaoyorozu spoke first, “You… you didn’t need to…” She was clearly touched as she had her eyes on the teddy bear, it had a little hat on it… “Yes… I did… look… I was under a lot of stress, I can’t… really apologize for that, but I AM apologizing for being mean to you guys. That was totally uncalled for, it was wrong of me to make fun of you guys and insult you and… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…I can’t say I’m sorry enough but I really am I... I swear it will never happen again I never wanted to hurt you guys...” You meant everything as you reluctantly looked at them with remorse in your (E/C) eyes as both Yaoyorozu and Midoriya looked visibly heartened and their eyes instantly filled with tears.

“It’s… it’s okay…! I understand it’s really okay…!” Wow, Yaoyorozu easily forgave you as she gladly and politely took your gift basket, as did Midoriya as he softly smiled at you, “It really is… I knew you didn’t really any of it (L/N)…” And he forgave you too and dammit you were tearing up again.

“I really didn’t…” With a trembling, watery voice you shook your head which urged Yaoyorozu to hug you as you hugged her back as she started to cry too, “I love you boo I didn’t mean it at all!”

“I know you didn’t!”

“Midoriya get in here!” You cried out for Midoriya to join in which made him blush quite a bit, “W-What…?!” But then you quickly pulled him in so he could be hugging you and Yaoyorozu as the boy blushed heavily in the hug with two girls who were crying their eyes out. Soon though, he started crying too even as you and Yaoyorozu were hugging him for another 5 minutes.

“T-Thank you (L/N)… I… really love it…” And a tearful Yaoyorozu thanked you for gift as did Midoriya as he smiled at you, “Me too… I like it a lot, thank you (L/N)… and I’m sorry for yesterday.” Why were they apologizing…? They’re too nice…

“No, no… I mean you’re welcome for the gifts but please don’t apologize… we’re good… I’m sorry…” You reassured them with a warmer look as they both smiled at you and told you that it was all okay now.

Don't let them fuck you, honey, no, oh Don't let them try (ooh) Don't let them hurt you, baby Just say "recess, " I'm tired

Then it was time to go apologize to Jirou, Ojiro and Aoyama…

Jirou looked apprehensive but she didn’t want to be mad after you came out with such a sincere apology and even gave everyone gifts, including her as she was holding a goody bag that had a nice Starbucks gift card in it. 

“Hey… look I just… really wanted to apologize to you because of the way I acted towards you, it really wasn’t cute for me to like get so upset and threaten you Jirou… when you were trying to get me to calm my tits so… I really… I really am sorry and you don’t have to forgive me because I know I was being-.” As you apologized to the girl she stopped you right there.

“It’s okay… I mean… I didn’t like how you were acting but… I thought about it, and Uraraka was talking to us about it and I realized that… you weren’t yourself, you were under a lot of stress and pressure and… I’ve been there before so… it’s okay… you’re here, apologizing for it and I can’t ignore that… so… it’s okay…” Jirou actually forgave you, for one she wasn’t one to hold grudges and two, she knew that wasn’t how you normally were so she wasn’t going to hold it against you.

God you were relieved though as you gave her a smile. “Thanks girl… I won’t ever do anything un-cute like that ever again… you know I love you and have a lot of respect for you.” Your smile widened when she started to blush and especially when you hugged her, but she didn’t turn it away as she hugged you back.

“I have a lot of respect for you too (L/N)…and I forgive you. Thank you for the gifts...” She said softly and truthfully. After the way you apologized to everyone, yeah her respect for you went up.

Next was Ojiro and Aoyama…

Who were still visibly hurt and even a little scared of you when you went over to them, “Guys I… I can’t apologize enough… I was REALLY mean to you guys and it was very, very wrong of me to insult you guys when you did nothing to make me upset at all…” You were tearing up again when you remembered how they ran off crying, and when they looked like they were about to cry now…

But they had the gift baskets you had given them, complete with Starbucks gift cards that they really appreciated. At first they were really upset, but then they also felt bad. They knew you, the way you acted hurt their feelings but they knew you didn’t truly mean that… right?

“You… didn’t mean what you said…?”

“You’re… not mad anymore…?”

They sounded so pitiful it actually broke your heart as you shook your head, “Of course not! I was just mad but it really isn’t an excuse but I swear… I meant nothing, I-I was… t-talking out of my ass and I never should have gotten so heated and I…” You stammered a little bit while you apologized to the boys, but they were seeing it now and they understood better. You shouldn’t feel bad for getting emotional… you were apologizing for what you said and that’s all that mattered.

“It’s… it’s okay (L/N)… don’t… be sorry for getting mad… thank you… for apologizing for what you said I… really appreciate it…” Ojiro smiled at you, although it was still sad because he really was a sensitive guy at heart.

“Yes I… I do too, thank you (L/N)… I hope you’re feeling better…” And Aoyama gave you his own tearful smile as you tried not to cry right then and there for the second time. “Come here you guys, I love you both so much, you’re two of the sweetest guys ever…” You had to give them a hug, you quickly went over and pulled them both in a big hug that they were glad to give you even if Ojiro looked so bashful doing so.

“We forgive you!” Aoyama couldn’t stop himself from crying while your hug on the boys turned tighter and Ojiro couldn’t help it either as he let some of his tears fall, “Y-Yeah… I forgive you (L/N), I forgive you…”

Dammit…

“I love you guys! I love you so much…” You were in tears again while you hugged Aoyama and Ojiro, who more or less started crying with you as they hugged you for as long as Midoriya and Yaoyorozu did. 5 minutes of crying and hugging…

“Oh and… thanks for the gift card… you didn’t have to I mean-.” You had to cut off Ojiro, he deserved something nice. “No… I did… please… keep it.” You didn’t know that he wanted to pay you back soon but he still smiled at you.

“Of course.”

“Oui~. Thank you very much again (L/N)~.” Aoyama loved Starbucks, he was very thankful and accepting of your apology gift as you gave the boys one last final smile before you had to find the last person who needed an apology more than anyone else…

Iida.

Where is my time? Gone in my mind Gone, I can't find Euphoria When I get upset I think in my head "I do as she says"

You were surprised to see him among his classmates, and more surprised that he was able to stand in the same room as you. He wasn’t looking at you but still. God… how were you going to apologize to him?

You didn’t know, and you didn’t know that he was paying close attention to you as he watched you apologize to yours and his classmates and friends.

How you meant everything and even gave them all gifts to show that you meant everything. Actions spoke louder than words, but at the same time. Your words from yesterday… still hurt his heart. It hurt because you weren’t entirely wrong. As Iida reflected through a night of tears because the wounds were still fresh and stinging, he realized that you made some painfully accurate points.

He couldn’t understand how you felt, because as he worked with and tutored some classmates, not all of them worked the same way, and everyone had a different background. His was a pretty privileged one wasn’t it? You really were trying your hardest because you didn’t have that privilege, and here you were now, trying your hardest to make up for everything.

Iida wanted to forgive you, he wanted to also apologize to you, even though something kept him from approaching you. Was it fear? Or was it pain as he could still clearly hear your words and your angry tone shouting at him.

‘Oh my God I can’t believe how ANNOYING I didn’t realize you were until now!’

‘I don’t need you up in my business and bothering the hell out of me you annoying priss!’

‘Stop fucking up my school life and leave me the hell alone already!’

He should be ashamed of himself, he couldn’t believe he was letting that make his heart ache even as he saw your face now. No anger, no meanness, just… regret.

Finally, you approached him very awkwardly as neither you nor Iida could bring it in each other to look at each other. And you took a huge breath in and exhaled, you had to do this. You didn’t see your classmates all glancing at you as some of them urged each other to leave to let you and the class rep work it out.

“Iida…” That was one word, and that was just his name, come on, say more than that. “(L/N).” Oh, he said your name too, but that was all he could bring himself to say too.

He looked so sad, even behind his calm composure, you saw that he was still hurt by what you said. “I wanted to apologize… I mean… I really, really wanted to apologize…” You sounded so awkward as you felt the heat glistening in your eyes as you tried not to break down right then and there just being right here before him.

“I… I just… Iida… I’m SO sorry… I-I didn’t mean any of what I said to you I swear… I never should have said all of those things… I shouldn’t have snapped at you when you were trying to help me… I was just… I was mad… so… under pressure and so stressed out… and I hate that I was… I hate that I let it get to me and get inside my head… I… I know that’s not an excuse but I… I’m so sorry…” Voice cracking ever so slightly you wiped your eyes as Iida for once looked at you, sympathy in his softened eyes.

It still hurt. Thinking about what you said to him still really hurt. He cared about you, he truly cared about you, and you hurt him. But Uraraka was talking to him, and it allowed him to think about you more. He knew you, he knew how you were, and everything you showed him those days ago was just you under a lot of stress and having all of your feelings bottled up.

He couldn’t hold that against you. He just wished you had opened up to him about how you were feeling, although he should have reached out to you about that too.

He was silent for a moment, and you feared that he was going to tell you to leave and that you can take your apology with you but no…

“I understand (L/N).” Iida replied calmly as he moved a little bit closer, and he did something you never thought he would do. He put his hand on your shoulder and you could see the sadness in his eyes. “I am sorry too.”

Wait. What?

Why was HE the one apologizing? You’re the one who was being a jerk…

“No…! No don’t… don’t do that Iida… please don’t… I’m the one who was being rude like you said and I was! I’m not going to deny that…!” Frantically, you shook your head and couldn’t accept his apology because he didn’t need to give you one.

“I can’t deny that… but that wasn’t like you, and I understand that it’s only because you were under a lot of stress at the time and-.”

“I’m terrible! I made you guys cry!  I said horrible things about you when all you did was look out for me! You didn’t deserve it!” You didn’t mean to cut him off but you couldn’t let him take any blame as you wiped your eyes even more.

“(L/N)… calm down… and please let me finish.” Instead of getting upset, Iida got you to calm down as he kept his cool this time. You wouldn’t go against him at all, you did let him finish. “I wanted to say that I understand and that I’m sorry that you were struggling so much and that I didn’t even realize it. I knew you were having some issues regarding your health, but I didn’t even attempt to ask exactly what was wrong.” He sounded sad, guilty even which just made you feel even worse.

“As the class representative I’m supposed to make sure my classmates are all feeling well both physically and emotionally, and I didn’t do that for you.”

No…

People gonna say If you need a break, someone'll take your place People gonna try To tell you that you're fine with dollars in their eyes Just remember...

“Well… right… but Iida don’t put the entire blame on yourself… I wasn’t subtle at all about how much stress I was under, and I kept saying I was okay when I wasn’t, you guys could tell but still I didn’t do anything…” You admitted and took responsibility since it was partially your fault wasn’t it?

Iida didn’t want you to feel at blame though, even though he DID wish you had said something so he could have helped you and avoided all of this and… those very hurtful things you said to him which made him sad just thinking about it.

“I know and I’m actually really proud to see you apologizing to everyone. It truly speaks volume of your character, even if it took you a while, but I’m certain it wasn’t easy trying to muster up the courage to apologize.” He sounded like he really understood you, because he did. Iida wasn’t afraid to own up to his mistakes, it took a while to do it, but he still did it.

You slowly nodded with a small smile when he said he was proud of you, “And I’m sure it also isn’t easy to admit when you’re not feeling well, especially not when it’s about school, but… that’s why right now I want to apologize for being insensitive about it and I want you to know that if you aren’t feeling well (L/N), you don’t have to be afraid to tell me. I want you to know that even if I might not understand everything you are going through, that I still want to help you as much as I can.” His voice was soft, of course still formal, but there was nothing but care in his tone.

“I won’t judge you, I won’t undermine you, I will listen to you.” After Uraraka told him about how stressed out you were, Iida took it upon himself to do his research on stress, anxiety and mental health. Now that was something he was going to be much more mindful of especially when he started to realize that other classmates like Midoriya, Todoroki, Kaminari and even Bakugo had their own issues regarding mental health and anxiety. He wanted to do that, for them, and for you.

You couldn’t help it, you couldn’t stop your tears from pooling in your eyes as you just threw your arms around him and tightly hugged him, even as he immediately tensed at the proximity. “Ack!” Iida exclaimed as he could feel his whole face turning red at this sudden hug, because... well he wasn’t the kind of guy to really give or receive that kind of physical contact since he didn’t think it was appropriate. Especially not in a school setting...

“(L-L/N)...!” Iida stuttered, feeling even more flustered as you just kept on hugging him, your arms around him tightening as you hid your blushing face and nuzzled into him. “I-I... w-we’re not supposed to be so close and initiate this kind of physical contact!!” He kind of scolded you and blushed even harder when he saw all of his and your classmates all looking and then averting their eyes.

“Tough shit!” You couldn’t help but disregard his rules once more as you pulled away and smiled, and once again disregarded another rule as you got on your tip-toes to kiss him on the cheek which...

You swore broke him as he cringed and his face turned an even darker red than before and he couldn’t even speak anymore...

Wow so THAT shut him up? You should have done that in the beginning...

Iida was so lost for words, more so than when you yelled at him. No one has EVER kissed him before. That kind of physical affection wasn’t really something his very formal family did so... he was shaken, but the worst part was...

He kind of liked it? It wasn’t exactly comfortable but it wasn’t awful either, it... felt kind of nice to be honest...

“Wow...” But when you started giggling that broke him out of his stupor as he felt rather embarrassed at this, “Iida I should have kissed you a long time ago if that’s what gets you to shut the fuck up.” You couldn’t help but tease him a little bit as he grew even more embarrassed and irate at your joke and language.

“W-Watch your language (L/N)! And please don’t hug or kiss someone so randomly but especially in front of our classmates it’s simply not appropriate!” When he scolded you, all you did was smile even when he started to lecture you once again on why kissing and hugging in front of people isn’t very appropriate and you rolled your eyes a bit, your smile not leaving you.

“Yeah, yeah class rep... I’m sorry but... uh... well... I don’t normally hug or kiss people randomly... I did it cuz... well... I... kinda sort of have a crush on you...” You decided you might as well confess, although it came out as a whisper, but still clearly it wasn’t whispery enough since literally everyone heard it based on the way they all gasped. But they didn’t gasp neither as loud as Iida did, and once again you swore Iida’s system broke as he started malfunctioning oncemore when he heard your words. His cheeks flushing bright red as he started to comprehend your words.

“Ooooooh~!” But then Kaminari, Ashido, Kirishima, Sero and Hagakure started hooting and cheering for you and him, and just further served to embarrass him. “Would you grow up?!” And he couldn’t help but yell at them in a slightly irritated voice as you held your mouth to quell your laughter.

“I’m so sorry...” Snickering, you tried to stop yourself from laughing too much as Iida couldn’t stop himself from blushing. He had to admit, he was surprised but also a little bit flattered that you had a crush on him. “D-Don’t... apologize for that...” He did kind of lure you away from the others though since they weren’t being mature about this.

You had to admit, it felt a bit better when there was less eyes on you and Iida even though you could still hear some snickering. “Do you… mean that?” Once it was just you and him, Iida asked you if you were serious, although his tone almost sounded bashful.

And now you felt rather sheepish as your entire face started to burn when you realized that you might have been a little too straightforward. You nervously nodded, “Y-Yes… Ii… Tenya…” Using his name for the first time it made Iida perk up and blush even more but he didn’t even think to tell you to be more formal as he let you talk. “I-I wouldn’t… kid about that I… I just think you’re so nice… so helpful and actually really cool… it just… became hard for me to resist you and… yeah… and like you’re super attractive too and I can’t help but think why are you at school? You should be playing someone who goes to school on TV… and uhh… y-yeah I… guess I mean that when I say… I have a crush on you…” You were stammering because you felt so awkward, but prepared for rejection since you didn’t think Iida was the kind of guy to know how to deal with that.

He awkwardly cleared his throat as the blush on his cheeks deepened the more you spoke of your earnest feelings and found HIM attractive to boot. He couldn’t lie, he was even more flattered to hear you think of him in such a way. “I see…” Those were the only two words Iida could bring himself to say because… he really didn’t know how to respond to that.

Neither did you for that matter. You were both kinda just big fucking dorks…

“Well…! Iida…” You went back to using his last name and decided that this had been awkward enough and didn’t want to make him feel any less comfortable. “This has been sufficiently awkward, and I just… thought you ought to know that, thank you for… putting up with me and understanding I really can’t thank you enough for being so nice when I’ve been a pain so… yeah thank you…” You sweetly smiled at him and Iida just couldn’t let you leave so soon when you were getting ready to leave and turn away.

“Wait… (L/N) I… d-don’t…”

He knew what to do as a class representative, but this wasn’t a job for a class representative, the job didn’t say what to do when someone confesses to you. So Iida had to be himself for this one. Which is what really surprised you as you stopped when you heard him call you.

Iida tried his hardest to not be awkward, and he was disappointed in himself for freezing up the second he felt your (E/C) eyes on him and that’s when he realized just how endearing you were. He’s always found you endearing because of your awkward and generally kind nature, but seeing you looking up at him with your cute face really made him aware of it…

“I’m… not at all experienced with that kind of thing. I wish I knew what to say but… I’m afraid I don’t. I will say this though… I am flattered.” He so badly didn’t want to come off as rude or offend you in anyway so he chose his words carefully. However, you were just happy to hear that he was flattered, and that was good enough for you.

“Oh Tenya…” And he blushed heavily when you heard him say his name again, but once again he didn’t dare tell you to be formal. “It’s okay… me neither… in fact I’m… pretty sure that timing is completely off but… I dunno…” Shrugging your shoulders you giggled nervously and Iida couldn’t stop the small smile tugging at the edge of his lips.

“It’s all right.” He gently reassured you which made you feel so much better as you sighed in relief, “If it helps… I think you are… attractive too.” Oh God he felt like a pervert for merely saying that and looked away in shame, and you found that so cute that you couldn’t help but grin and giggle when he said he found YOU attractive! You were just so… so happy you let out a little squeal.

“Oh my GOD Iida~!” And you felt a bit mischievous so you teased him a little bit by reacting all shocked, but that immediately made him flinch as he felt extremely nervous and he mistook your flattered tone for repulsion, “I-I’m so sorry I… I-I didn’t mean to come off so… disrespectful a-and, a-a-nd…”

“Whoa, whoa don’t hurt yourself… no no I’m actually VERY flattered…” You quickly reassured him since you didn’t want him to feel all weird and ashamed about finding someone attractive and to your relief that did make him ease up a bit and give his own relieved sigh.

You were happy, you were really happy and it didn’t matter that you didn’t know what to do after confessing, you were just happy. “Iida… I said this already but… I really am… sorry for… everything…” Plus you still felt guilty for being so mean, but Iida wasn’t going to let you beat yourself up over it anymore.

“It really is all right (L/N)… I forgive you.” So the taller male gave you a soft smile in hopes that it’ll let you know that he forgives you for hurting his feelings because he knew you would never do that intentionally. This nearly made you cry again as you teared up and you couldn’t help it, you threw yourself back into his arms and once again, Iida flinched a bit at your sudden hug.

But this time…

He slowly brought his arms around you and gently hugged you back. It was stiff and awkward as hell because he’s not really a hugger but it was all Iida and you loved it. As the two of you pulled away, both of you were blushing quite madly and now neither of you knew what to do…

Again…

“(Y/N)…” However, Iida this time used your first name as you nearly jumped and looked at him in slight shock as you hadn’t taken a breath or even blink once you registered that he said your name… “Huh?”

Iida was a bit alarmed to see your shocked face, but then he chuckled when you seemed to come back to Earth after a few seconds. “We should return to our classmates. Tests for the week are over after all, we can take a little break.” That sounded like the best option, since it has been a tiring week of testing and Iida knew that you and the rest of your classmates could use a break.

Shyly you smiled and your face felt warm as you nodded and let Iida lead the way back to your classmates. “Yeah I’d like that Tenya… I’m tired.” You admitted softly with a little smile, and Iida couldn’t help but glance at you with his own smile. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t tired too, because he was...

“Then we should… relax.” He wasn’t one for relaxing, but they were hard-working students and everyone deserves a break every now and then right? Especially you, Iida knew that you needed to rest and relax.

“Oh yeah… totally...” You couldn’t agree more as you walked right alongside of him, and you could feel a lot of the stress lifted off your back now once the two of you decided to sit at the couch together to finally catch your breaths and relax together.

You weren’t sure where this would go, but you knew that you and Iida could maybe talk it out later, but for now, the two of you just sat down and relaxed for once. And you didn’t even notice just how tired you were because once you closed your eyes, you were suddenly asleep and unbeknownst to you, so was Iida. Whom also didn’t realize just how tired he was either, nor did he see or feel your head slowly rest upon his shoulder as the two of you finally got some rest and remained completely oblivious to the fact classmates like Ashido and Kaminari were snickering and secretly taking pictures.

You were asleep though so you didn’t care, you were just happy to finally relax with the boy you had a crush on, and finally happy to rest.

Don't let them fuck you, honey, no, oh Don't let them try (ooh) Don't let them hurt you, baby Just say "recess, " I'm tired~...

[awed-frog]

I like reading from your blog cause I see all the blqck/white discourse from an European pov and it sounds so crazy but then I read what you can add to those post and I'm like, yes thank you for being the voice of reason here... Like jesus I can't believe people are so hellbent on some things they forget the world is not like the usa and its specificities

Thank you for this message! I’m not sure which posts you’re referring to, but I do try very hard to learn about stuff so I can have an informed opinion - it means a lot that you think I sometimes succeed. 

I think that maybe we were too optimistic about this ‘global village’ thing, and specifically in thinking that widespread knowledge of English would help people understand one another. Because you’re right: in my experience, Americans tend to dominate conversations because a) they speak their native language all the time, b) they’re often a majority in online spaces, c) they’re not used to living with other cultures and also d) they grow up with the idea that being loud and confident is a good thing.

(As a kind of apology: I know the US is a big country, and I’m sure there are endless differences in social rules and stuff like that. I can only comment on what I’ve seen in fiction and IRL, which, to be fair, seems to be pretty consistent.)

As for the race part, yeah, that’s complicated. Every time I think I understand it a bit more, I find out about yet another horrifying detail and I have to start from scratch again. What is universal is that ‘we forgot those nobodies we needed as workers were actual people’ thing - you find it over and over again and it always causes problems. And obviously in the US it took the form of actual slavery, but the schematics are pretty much the same everywhere? You see it in Germany with the Gastarbeiter, in France with people from Maghreb - both groups were invited in because of a lack of workers, with the explicit or implicit expectation that they would keep to themselves, do nothing outside of work and fuck off asap when they were no longer needed. But, of course, people are people. We want to make friends, get married, have kids, be reunited with relatives, and eventually we get used to or come to like the place we’re living in, despite the fact it’s so very different from our childhood home. In the US, of course, the matter is complicated by the fact these workers were slaves and were bought and kept as slaves long after we knew slavery wasn’t acceptable. 

(Because that’s the horror on top of the horror: in the ancient world, you only get the odd philosopher speculating about human rights; but by the late 17th century, those ideas were - if not 100% established - something many countries were using as foundation for their laws and codes of conduct. 

We knew. We all knew.

And yet.)

And as outsiders, I know what puzzles many people here is the degree to which this segregation still exists. Many of us know our ancestors who emigrated to the US faced poverty, abuse and severe discrimination, but those things eased - as they generally do - generation after generation. Unfortunately, it’s easy to hate and distrust a recent immigrant; but once they have children, once those children have children, there is no longer any objective difference between those children and native children. They go to the same schools, support the same teams, watch the same programs. Of course, one house may have a black-dressed grandma lurking in a corner, or different cooking smells, but that is about it. In the US, despite the constant talk of patriotism and the flags and the relentless cultural indoctrination, this process happens very unevely across different communities. 

For instance, one thing I don’t really understand is how African-Americans managed to keep their own specific form of English (truth be told, I don’t actually know whether AAE is the same in every state/family, and how that works exactly?). Because every black person I met in the UK had either a national accent (first generation immigrants and exchange students) or a 100% British accent. The fact an entire community is so linguistically distinct - that must be evidence of a deep segregation that’s still pervasive - in the school system, in the job market, in social circles. I know this must be obvious to any American, but I don’t know how obvious it is to them that in Europe, accent is generally lost in the span of 20 years - even if a community is deliberately marginalized (just watch any interview with an Italian Romani).

(One thing that struck me was an op-ed written by an African-American man who’d grown up on a US military base in Germany. He said that when his family came back to the US, he was actively bullied by the other black kids because he didn’t speak the ‘right’ kind of English and was completely unaware of the rules framing US race relations. Twenty years later, he still didn’t feel part of either community.)

Anyway - I don’t know where I was going with this. I talked about racism before, when someone asked why Europeans don’t use the word ‘race’, and while our system is very far from perfect, I think what’s going on in the US is far more fucked up. People need to live together so it becomes clear that the only real distinction is between those who worry about the next meal and those who do not. Until we sit here and retreat into our own actual or perceived identity, to the point where we refuse to engage with someone who’s not ‘like us’, nothing’s ever going to get fixed; and that’s the same everywhere, isn’t it?

[whydoeshedresslikeastolencar]

I've not watched the last episode of dancing with the devil. I don't think I really want to watch an artist I like tear into another artist I like who's much younger than him.

But it did get me thinking about some things:

The 12 step-ifcation of mental health services in the US is a not a good thing and it actually does a lot of harm to people with mental health issues that are not substance abuse...

It's the kind of thing that casually indoctrinates the idea that using any sort of chemical to help manage your moods is addiction.

Despite the fact that getting on my meds that I'm currently on, is what's allowed me to get my life back, it's allowed me to work hard enough to get a raise at work. I'm starting to pretty much kill it in my personal life despite having constant mental health issues.

Despite all that I've gotten a lot of blowback from friends of mine when they have found out. I can't count on both hands the amount of people who have sent me basic 12-step guidelines and saying that they were going to help me beat my mental health issues.

If the 12 step works for people with drugs , that's good for them but there's a big difference between that and what they use to treat severe mental health issues that are not substance abuse.

I'm not saying I'm perfect or I'm healed completely but I really hate the whole indoctrination that medication is always bad and that it's just a moral failing.

Having major depressive disorder, anxiety and ADHD is not a moral failing.

It's a fucking chemical imbalance.

No amount of admitting I'm powerless or trying to make amends with the people I've hurt due to my mental health is going to cure the chemical imbalance in my brain.

And while a lot of other things that I have taken up such as meditation and trying to move more has helped me achieve a slightly better mental state, a huge part was getting on the right meds.

And I'm not against reaching out to people that you have hurt when your mental health wasn't great. I'm making that process of apologizing and reaching out to people and rebuilding bridges right now. Building a support system is important, but there are lots of ways to build a support system.

Also I've done a lot of intensive therapy and that's helped me a fair bit to work on coping mechanisms for when I'm not having a good mental health day. Because there are times when I'm still struggling a fair bit, there are times where I still have intrusive thoughts about hurting myself.

But I'm doing a bit better now.

The sort of mental health struggles I've had started when I was in middle school. The fact that I also have two siblings who both have been diagnosed with anxiety, and my father has depression, And i don't know what's wrong with my mother but she has wild mood swings and never seems to learn from the things we tell her.

So it's probably genetic.

And before all the rabid 12 steppers come attacking me

please note I am talking about people with severe mental health issues that DO NOT have substance abuse issues.

There is no shame in taking medication if you need it for your mental health issues. I think of it the same way I would think of someone like Hank Green taking medication for his ulcerative colitis. (I know John has OCD but we're going for physical illness here). You wouldn't shame them for taking meds.

In my case it is a long-standing chronic health condition, that without managing it I will die. I'm no longer actively* suicidal all the time, I don't have thoughts of killing myself anymore. But if I didn't get proper help I probably would have killed myself.

I'm not saying everyone has to take the route I have taken to mental health.

I am saying that there are many ways to mental health if you have issues that are not substance abuse. And that whatever route you take that gets you to the point where you can heal and you can live a functional life?

That's a good route.

If going to group therapy to talk about your trauma with other people helps? Do it .

If having a treatment team that consists of your therapist, a psychiatric nurse, and your GP: And you're taking a small dose of medication helps? Do it.

If doing rapid eye movement desensitization is what's going to help you? Go for it.

Maybe cognitive behavioral therapy is what's going to work? Good on you.

There is a whole big world of varying treatments you can try for your mental health issues that are provided for you by people with actual degrees and actual qualifications.

And it may take a while to find what's going to help you feel better but it's worth it in the end.

That's my two cents ,I'm willing to discuss this more If people want to as long as they are civil.

*I still have plenty of suicidal thoughts I just don't really have the urge to act upon them as much anymore.

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

Parent Manipulation Part 2 - Originally posted in 2005 OnTheEmmis.com, a Meehan Program Survivor Website and Discussion Forum. (ICECAP is the former incorporation of enthusiastic sobriety programs, it has since dissolved due to the effectiveness of OnTheEmmis.com)

So what’s the harm?

Well, it’s a dishonest way to make a living, for starters, and that is the very least of the harm done to people.

Let’s start by looking at the staff.

ICECAP has several lines for the skeptic who attempts to question the professionalism and integrity of their general staff.

“I may not be a doctor, but I’ve had my face in the ground long enough to know what the dirt looks like” is the sort of catch-phrase one may encounter when asking about ICECAP staff qualifications. The idea is one borrowed from Alcoholics Anonymous, that only a drunk can help another drunk. AA has been widely successful in rehabilitating alcoholics based on this principal, in which the catalyst is that one’s experiences lends him/her the ability to identify with the ‘alcoholic who still suffers’.

Further, the staff of ICECAP claims to function therapeutically from the platform of Alcoholics Anonymous principals and spiritual conditioning. The reason for all of this is so the ICECAP staff and methodology has a credible ‘foundation’ to justify its hiring and facilitation of non professional counselors. In short, AA is a household name, and is widely recognized as something that works. ICECAP uses this fact as a springboard for its operations.

The big problem with that idea is that ICECAP programs are not in any way similar to, affiliated with, kind of like, or even remotely in any way like AA. Alcoholics Anonymous is a non-profit self-help environment which has many safeguards cemented into its foundations that prevent any sort of ‘ego’ or for-profit interests from plaguing its members. Specifically, what AA refers to as ‘The Twelve Traditions’ are rigidly adhered to and aggressively enforced as guidelines to keep the AA name from anything that would divert the program from its primary purpose. The only similarity between ICECAP and AA is that they both have their members often form in a circle at the beginning and at the end of their meetings. Beyond that the two are apples and oranges.

Anyone who spends more than six months in both programs can easily see the canyon of differences that separate the two programs. The truth is, ICECAP drops the name of AA when it is convenient for them to do so, and rarely if ever gives the program any real credence.

“We are not AA, we are not trying to be AA, and we don’t play by the same rules as AA” (-direct quote- Michael C. Stonebraker, director and board member of ICECAP).

Ask ANY graduate from ICECAP, and they will tell you that a common dilemma that nearly every graduate experiences after leaving ICECAP and moving on to AA is that they are troubled with the inherent differences between the two groups philosophy’s for recovery. After years of ICECAP meetings, they are confronted with having to adjust to an entirely different program. In fact, most would say you are not off the mark if you suggested that it would have made just as much sense for them to graduate ICECAP into a monastery, or a school for lion tamers; instead of AA. They all have about the same in common: nothing.

Shouldn’t a program that claims to operate out of AA’s principals lend an easier transition to its clients from its rooms to AA itself?

I am painting this picture to illustrate that there is really nothing holding much water in ICECAP’s claim that its staff has credibility to function with kids from ideas that it ‘borrows’ from AA. To whatever extent a particular staff member of ICECAP attends or postures themselves as AA members, they do not deliver the principals of AA in a therapeutic manner to their clientele.

So what does that leave them with? Not much. The average ICECAP counselor is a high school drop out with no college or accredited training whatsoever. If asked for their credentials, they will respond with an array of phrases and ideas, all of which are meant to lead one away from any real answer. They will suggest with confidence and bravado that since they ‘come from the same place’ as their clients, they have an ‘edge’ in dealing with them the rest of the ‘professional’ community doesn’t. All of this can be very convincing to a parent, especially since their child seems to have taken so well to the given staff member. Again, this is ICECAP using the ‘unorthodox is better’ angle to begin the process of manipulation.

If long hair, dated language, concert t-shirts, a pretty face and a proletarian understanding of AA principals were all it took to rehabilitate a drug addict, then the world would be free of drug addiction tomorrow. The problem is that that is pretty much the only thing the average ICECAP counselor has going for him/her in terms of professionalism. They are funny and good looking. They know how to say ‘dude’ without looking like an old nerd. Kids love them and worship them. But they are INEPT AT ASSISTING THEM TO RECOVER FROM REAL DRUG ADDICTION!

So what then, does the average ICECAP counselor provide for a kid, if not sound professional guidance into the world of recovery?

Here are some of my observations on ICECAP provisions:

Kids in ICECAP are subjected to enormous pressure to take on the identity of a ‘dope fiend’. The ‘dope fiend’ model is constantly being illustrated to newcomers by staff and group members. It begins with traits that a lot of teens possess…rebellious action/ideation, foul language, ‘shock value’ expressionism, etc. But the irresponsible thing that ICECAP does with kids is that it sets them up to feel inadequate if they do not measure up to the complete profile of ICECAP’s ‘dope fiend’. The reason that this is such a bad idea is because the majority of ICECAP clientele are NOT ‘dope fiends’. If your kid is in ICECAP for any period of time, you will see a mental, physical and emotional change in them. Most parents (especially the ones who have invested thousands of dollars into this) view this as a good thing. If the changes in the child were not for the worst, I would agree with them. However, these changes include almost invariably the following:

Separation from school/education/career

Increased use of tobacco. Non-smokers will be encouraged to take up smoking (bizarre, but true).

The decline of a coherent or educated vocabulary. This is no joke. There is a rigid ‘dummied up’ dialect spoken by every member of ICECAP.

The encouragement of illegal behavior (curfew violations, trespassing, vandalism, underage smoking, etc.).

Limited exposure to outside influences. Music, films, books, clothes, sources of education, hairstyles, jewelry, where you get a cup of coffee, tattoos, leisure activities and more are all mandated by ICECAP doctrine.

Maladjusted/confused sexual behavior (more on this later)

One dimensional thinking/ apparent inability or unwillingness to think diversely or with any complexity.

Extremely narrow elements of thoughts applied to a very wide range of ‘life factors’, or; every problem life presents seems to have the same two or three things as an answer/rationale.

Constant fear of being ‘fucked up’, or ‘spiritually bankrupt’. ‘Negative’ actions by other people are consistently the result of these things.

Inconsistent/erratic emotional responses to seemingly normal situations.

Why would a kid willingly subject themselves to this?

The hook for teens is fairly obvious: Their parents leave them alone, they no longer have to go to school, they are allowed to smoke cigarettes, swear, and die their hair indigo blue if they want to, and there is usually a large enough pool of attractive peers to make the whole idea of ICECAP treatment not sound so bad.

Ask any current group member, and they will tell you that they do not feel controlled…that it is their choice to attend ICECAP. They will defend their positions with feverish resolve. They will claim moral high ground and a better way of life as what motivates them to ‘keep coming back’. Tell them that they are brainwashed, and they will respond by saying ‘well, maybe my brain could use a little washing…considering how sick I was’. Tell them they live their life in a ‘bubble’, and they will respond by saying ‘if this is a bubble, than I’m glad I’m in it…compared to the sick world I was a part of before!’

Two things are happening here: First, the child is offered nearly unlimited freedom, which in most cases is like a dream come true to them. What fifteen year old would turn that down? Second, instead of providing competent therapy or treatment, each kid is given this ‘dope fiend’ model, and as long as they adhere to this model, than they are ‘ok’. Everything that made Johnny ‘Johnny’ will be whittled away as he progresses through the ranks of ICECAP. He will attribute the changes to ‘getting rid of old behavior’, or ‘changing old tapes’, when in fact he is being herded and molded in a way that only a program facilitated by foolish, irresponsible amateurs can handle.

The sickest thing about this to me is the way they are manipulated by ICECAP into such devotion. The adolescent is such an impressionable creature, and everything that can possibly be used to woo them is carefully applied by ICECAP.

In Bob Meehan’s book, ‘Beyond the Yellow Brick Road’, there is a chapter called ‘The Teenage Psyche’. This is another decent chapter in this book. I’d encourage anyone to read it, because it perfectly illustrates what I am saying. If there is one thing that Meehan certainly has his finger on the pulse of, it’s what will attract a teenager. The ‘dope fiend’ model in which Meehan’s programs are forced to operate out of because of their gross lack of sound professional tools combined with the fact that ICECAP targets kids who are NOT ‘dope fiends’ creates a crippling environment for teenagers who would have otherwise just gone on with life.

Why would Meehan build his programs on such weak foundations professionally? To me that’s simple: Cheap labor. It’s not so hard morally to build a staff out of a bunch of negligent weirdoes like Mike Weiland, when your real aim has nothing to do with helping kids in the first place.

I believe that Bob Meehan has had two objectives from the very beginning. One was to satisfy his enormous ego, which he had never been able to accomplish prior to these programs. More importantly and certainly more dangerously, he wants money. It is no coincidence that every single person on the ICECAP payroll has been farmed from the group. These kids spend years trying to live up to those they believe (because they are told) are the most spiritually evolved humans on the planet (staff), and then picked to become the next generation of over-worked, under-paid servants of Bob Meehan’s empire.

Who pays the price? You, and more importantly…your kid.

And what of the rare occasion that a true addict walks through the doors of ICECAP?

It’s even worse for them. Many of them die.

[makeela]

Top 12 Most Unfuckable Men In FFXIV (according to a lesbian)

(WARNING: This list contains spoilers up to 5.0)

12. Urianger Augurelt

Urianger is the least unfuckable man in Final Fantasy XIV. Mostly because, well - look at him. That’s the look of a man who has either fucked a lot or never once in his life, and we all saw Moenbryda. If Urianger told me he wanted to “smasheth mine pussy” I would have no choice but to accept, if only because it’d be an experience. There is nothing wrong with wanting to fuck Urianger.

11. Aymeric de Borel

Aymeric was originally in Urianger’s spot when I was thinking about this list, and the only reason he’s not is because he has definitely never fucked before in his life. So aggressively has he never fucked that when he was born, he had to come out via cesarean section, so that he might not have touched pussy even once. You would have to have a several year long committed relationship with him and it still wouldn’t happen until after his dumbass best friend gets possessed by a giant dragon and he’s trying real hard to stave off those Unholy Urges. It doesn’t work. This does not change the fact that, if I had to choose a man, I would be honored for Ser Aymeric de Borel to have a seat on my face.

10. Crystal Exarch

Haurchefant wants what the Crystal Exarch has: he’s smart, he’s cute, and his body is partially composed of rocks. All he wants is to go on an adventure with you, and maybe hold your hand. I feel like fucking the Crystal Exarch isn’t even sexual at this point, your emotional connection is just so deep that it’s only right to make him cry over and over. You’re being a good friend. You should fuck the Crystal Exarch.

9. Cid nan Garlond

I feel like Cid is the true neutral of this list. He’s funny, not objectively bad looking, loves to make shit for you and showers regularly. Unfortunately, he is not exceptionally memorable on a list of Male Characters I’d Be Interested In Maybe Fucking, If I Had To. I was almost done with this list before I even remembered that Cid is a major character, and not your best friend who you would never even consider fucking, just because that’s the kind of relationship you guys have. I would not fuck Cid, but not because there’s anything wrong with him; I just don’t want to fuck him. Sorry, Cid.

8. Gaius van Baelsar

Gaius van Baelsar definitely smells bad. He’s tried to kill you more than once, and two of those times was with a big robot that had god powers. However, like, just look at him. Imagine if he washed his hair. We all know how tall Alphinaud is, right? Look at how small he is by comparison. This is, in truth, the only reason he is in this spot and not one lower - he’s basically just a Metal Gear Solid character, which I am not mad about at all. I kind of wish Gaius was my father figure, and if, at some point, I ended up fucking him, I don’t think it would be the end of the world. I don’t think you should go out of your way to fuck Gaius van Baelsar, but if it happens, it happens, right?

7. Estinien Wyrmblood

I really wish I could justify ranking Estinien somewhere above Gaius. I really do. If I wasn’t trying to be at least semi-objective, he’d be right below Aymeric. He’s just so spiky. And Mean. And Sad. Unfortunately, I regret to inform you all and remind myself that there is no way that Estinien Wyrmblood does not, on a constant basis, smell like the inside of a Taco Bell, and I’m, like, at least 75% sure that he doesn’t know how to read. There also wouldn’t be much of a chase if you wanted to fuck Estinien, but unless he’s like, in love with you he’s also a very wham-bam-thank you ma’am kind of guy, and I’d be more into it if I got to braid his hair afterwards and gently reassure him that things were going to be okay. I wish I could recommend that you fuck Estinien, but I don’t think that’s the kind of physical comfort he needs right now.

6. Zenos yae Galvus

After Estinien I wasn’t sure who to put next, just because starting around here you get to Men I Am Neither Disgusted By Nor Benevolent Toward the concept of fucking, and I didn’t even think I had any of those until my friend, no hesitation, said “Zenos.” She is right. Zenos is pretty, he’s huge, he kills a lot of people and enjoys the job. This is a charm point for me. He also has absolutely no character traits otherwise so all he has is that he’s Pretty and Likes Murder. Talk to me again when he has depression and maybe we can re-evaluate.

5. Thancred Waters

Thancred and I have had a very tumultuous relationship. In ARR, he was alright. My opinion of him improved significantly in Heavensward, where he was just a long-haired eyepatched hobo who refused to revisit human civilization because he didn’t want to wear pants. In Shadowbringers, he just turned into a shitty dad, and I did not like that shit at all. They took his eyepatch and his ponytail and gave him Shitty Parenting Skills. If Thancred were my father figure, I would simply not speak to him. I could not be persuaded to fuck Thancred.

4. Magnai Oronir

I don’t need to explain this one.

3. Nabriales

I don’t think Nabriales is too much worse than, like, Lahabrea, in terms of fuckability - meaning that, if pressed, I would not choose to fuck either of them - but every time I get the Chrysalis in Trial Roulette half the party immediately drops. The Chrysalis isn’t even that hard, guys, just make sure someone limit breaks the tear. I love to MT the Chrysalis. As someone who consistently gets Thornmarch and Steps of Faith in Trials Roulette, I will kick the shit out of Nabriales any day. Just, not sexually. At all. Maybe a little bit if the off tank would turn off tank stance.

2. Hien Rijin

Hien is pretty cute. Unfortunately, he is also an imperialist, even though the MSQ doesn’t want to talk about that at all because he’s your buddy. Every single time I got a quest like “talk to Hien!” I would get so mad. I don’t want to talk to Hien. Every time I talk to Hien he just wants me to help him infringe on another race’s cultural events for his benefit. It wouldn’t even be a problem for me if it wasn’t encouraged and entirely uncriticized by the narrative. I don’t want to see or be seen by Hien.

1. Haurchefant Greystone

I didn’t play FFXIV for three years because I thought Haurchefant was a main character. Literally, for like, three years, many of my friends were like “Play FFXIV!” and I was like “no!” because I didn’t want to hear about Haurchefant more than I already had to. By the time I met him in MSQ, I was willing to give him a chance. I got it, at the beginning - he’s helpful, he’s complimentary. The problem is, that’s it. I think he sounds like Kif Kroker, and I think I would rather die than fuck him, which is saying a lot coming from me since I think most aliens are super sexy. After I knew Haurchefant for, like, two weeks, he invited me to come to his house and he was like “you have no idea how long I waited for this!” You waited two weeks, man. I understand that you live in an icy tundra and you’ve not felt the touch of another in years, because that’s the only way you could possibly be this horny by the time I stumble into your office, but Jesus Christ, dude. I wish I could be friends with Haurchefant, but I know this is simply not possible since he is so deeply horny that once the point was made the friendship could no longer recover. I am truly, deeply glad that I’ll never have to worry about having a Tinder date with Haurchefant go awry and he will never send me fifty texts asking for photos of my feet. Haurchefant is the most unfuckable man in Final Fantasy XIV. Sorry, Haurchefant. I wish things could be different.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

1. Nero tol Scaeva

Nero fucking sucks. I would probably fuck Nero. You should not fuck Nero.

2. Emet-Selch

I’m pretty sure that Emet-Selch wouldn’t even be DTF, at least not with the Warrior of Light. On the off chance that he was, though, I would definitely fuck Emet-Selch. I cannot see any good reasons why I shouldn’t fuck Emet-Selch. He is greasy, and old, and talks in riddles. This is extremely sexy to me. If these things are not extremely sexy to you, I don’t think you should fuck Emet-Selch.

[scoutception]

Final Fantasy II review

One of the most interesting parts of the Final Fantasy series, and a big reason why I’m so fond of it, is that every main series game takes its own approach to the gameplay. From the job systems of III and V, the Materia system of VII, the Junctioning system of VIII, or the straight up action combat of XV, every game has a different focus that makes them stand out, and while the results can certainly fall short at times, it’s still something worth commending. For example, take the subject of today’s review, Final Fantasy II. For the second game in the series, and a game that came out in 1988, it’s a huge step up from the original game in a lot of ways. A much more detailed plot, containing several defined playable and supporting characters, a much more experimental battle system, the introduction of many elements, gameplay and otherwise, that would establish a true identity for the series, away from just being a ripoff of Dungeons & Dragons 1st edition, it’s an impressive and critical step forward for the series. Unfortunately for the game, it hasn’t been 1988 in over 30 years, and it’s now easily the weakest game in the series in my opinion. As for why that is, well, that’s what we’re taking a look at today. As with the first game, I’m reviewing the PSP version. Note I’ll be pretty lax with spoilers, so take caution, if you actually care to avoid spoilers.

Story: Final Fantasy II takes place in an entirely different world than Final Fantasy I, a tradition that every main series game would follow. The peace of this world is shattered after the rise of Emperor Mateus of Palamecia, who, bent on world domination, raises a fearsome army and unleashes the denizens of Hell upon the land, conquering a large portion of the world. The city of Fynn organizes a large resistance effort, only to be attacked by the Emperor’s army, forcing a small remnant to flee to the town of Altair, establishing the Wild Rose Rebellion, led by Princess Hilda. During the fall of Fynn, four youths, Firion, Maria, Guy, and Leon, attempted to escape as well, only to be attacked and left for dead by the Emperor’s soldiers, with Leon going missing as well. Rescued by the rebellion, and healed by the white wizard Minwu, Firion, Maria, and Guy, having nothing left to return to, and wishing to search for the missing Leon, join the rebellion to fight back against Palamecia. Meanwhile, the Emperor, his army having taken heavy losses taking Fynn, takes to devising much less conventional methods of establishing his rule, starting with a massive airship called the Dreadnought, meant to scare the populace into obedience, on threat of total destruction.

Compared to the very light plot of Final Fantasy I, the story here is much more involved. Instead of wandering between locations more or less aimlessly, there’s always an explicit plot reason to go to new locations, the party being given tasks like finding mythril to supply the rebellion with better equipment, or trying to recruit potential allies. Compared to the party in the first game just being completely blank slates, the party consists of the more distinctive Firion, Maria, and Guy, with the fourth slot being filled by various guest characters that come and go as the story goes on, such as Gordon, the prince of the fallen kingdom of Kashuan, and Ricard Highwind, the last of the dragoons, and there’s actually an established side cast, including characters like Hilda, the leader of the rebellion and princess of Fynn, Paul, a noble thief assisting the rebellion, and Cid, a former knight who maintains the world’s only airship, with this notably being Cid’s first appearance in the series.

Final Fantasy II is also very noticeably darker than the first game. While the plot circumstances of the first game weren’t exactly cheerful, with the world falling apart due to the influence of the Fiends, outside of a select few towns, this wasn’t very obvious, and the game overall carried a bright, adventurous feel. Not so with Final Fantasy II, where the Emperor is a much more prominent and ruthless villain who’s already conquered or ruined a majority of the world, always keeping another plan on standby, and staying one step ahead of the heroes. Many characters die over the story, from random NPCs to even temporary party members, and the game overall carries a prominent melancholic, empty feel to it, one that’s very impressive considering the time it was made.

To be honest, however, it actually goes a bit too far in this regard. Almost everything the protagonists accomplish comes at the cost of allies dying, or something preventing them from fully completing their mission. Many NPCs are pessimistic about the chances of humanity being able to win against the Emperor, and so much destruction is wrought upon the world by the end that it seems there’s not even much left to save. From the very beginning of the game, which starts with your party instantly being destroyed in an unwinnable battle, the game is nothing but a constant stream of death and hollow victories, with plenty of characters you can find mourning their losses, and there’s very, very few points in the story that offer any sort of relief from it. Combined with the Emperor barely seeming bothered by anything the party accomplishes, and running circles around them more than a few times, it’s very easy to simply lose any investment in the story.

The characters unfortunately only add to this lack of investment. It’s hard to hold it against the game, but the main party of Firion, Maria, and Guy is still easily the least developed cast in the series. They have little dialogue to themselves to begin with, and have very minimal personality traits, especially Firion, who pretty much only exists to be the hero by default. Additionally, whereas in most RPGs, the cast’s varying personalities and skills tend to gain importance, here, the only skill any of them have is Guy being able to talk to beavers, which only comes up once in a way that doesn’t even affect the story, and, again, they have nearly no personality otherwise, which totals out to each of them having, at best, 1 moment each throughout the story where they’re not completely interchangeable with each other, which barely elevates them above the completely blank slate party of FF1.

The guest party members and NPCs fair a bit better, but not by much. The guests tend to be at least mildly interesting, like the fatalistic Minwu, the cowardly Gordon, who learns to be courageous as the story goes on, to the pirate girl Leila, but they’re still nothing special, and there’s surprisingly few other NPCs, most of which aren’t too memorable either. Even the Emperor himself is about one of the most stereotypical evil emperor characters you could have, not helped by the very few scenes he gets. That’s not to say he’s a bad villain, though. His successfulness does create a presence that looms over the entire story, and he pulls off one of the coolest plot twists in the series; after being killed by the party in a very easy battle late in the game, he simply returns as a demon himself, having become far, far stronger than he had ever been in life, to the point of taking over Hell itself. It’s such a unique and unexpected twist on the seemingly weak political villain that it alone cements the Emperor as one of the more memorable villains in the series. Overall, while the writing of the game is quite impressive for the time, and laid a good deal of groundwork for the improved writing of future entries, it’s just passable at best nowadays.

Gameplay: Here’s where things really start falling apart. On the surface, not much the combat doesn’t seem terribly different from Final Fantasy I, with it still being a standard turn based system with basic commands like attacking, using magic, and defending. The big differences in Final Fantasy II’s combat lie in the character progression. The first game had you simply selecting a party of 4 classes at the start of the game, gradually making them stronger across the game by leveling them up and acquiring specific equipment and spells for each, like pretty much every normal JRPG. FF2, on the other hand, uses a much more complex system. Every party member is capable of using every weapon and learning every spell, in the process abandoning the D&D system of set spell charges and instead introducing the traditional MP system, and characters are not set in specialized classes and roles. Instead, FF2 discards the usual EXP based leveling system, and instead uses a stat leveling system, where the individual stats of each character level up separately depending on the course of battle, and while each character starts with predetermined stats that favor a particular role for them, with enough grinding, you can still reshape them however you wish. This stat growth system would later be used and refined for the SaGa series, and it’s a very ambitious attempt at improving upon the party building system the first game established.

In total, there are 12 main stats that can be increased through battle: HP, your health points, which is raised in regular intervals, or losing HP in battle, MP, magic points that allow you to use spells, which is raised by having MP reduced in battle, Strength, which determines your physical attack, and is raised by using the attack command, Magic, which determines how much MP you get when it is gained, and is raised by having MP reduced in battle, Spirit, which determines the strength of white magic spells, and is raised by casting white magic in battle, Intelligence, which determines the strength of black magic spells, and is raised casting black magic in battle, Stamina, which determines how much HP you get when it is gained, and is increased by losing HP in battle, Evasion, which determines how likely a character can dodge physical attacks, and is raised by being targeted by attacks in battle, Agility, which factors into evasion calculation, and is raised by having high evasion, and Magic Defense, which determines how resilient a character is to offensive magic, and is raised by being targeted by offensive magic in battle.

However, it doesn’t stop there, as individual weapon types and spells also have levels that can be raised, which is done so by gaining skill points in them by attacking or casting them during battle. Once enough skill points are gained, they advance to the next level, with the hard cap being 16. Gaining weapon levels allows that character to be more accurate and attack more times at once with that type of weapon, and raising spell levels increases their power and makes them more accurate. Each weapon type, consisting of swords, spears, axes, staves, knives, bows, shields, and unarmed, have different attributes, such as spears being a relatively balanced type, with lower individual power than swords and axes, but higher accuracy, while bows are allow characters to attack from the newly introduced back row, which makes them immune to physical attacks, but prevents them from attacking with any other weapon type. While focusing on one weapon type with each character would seem the most efficient, the game only tends to give you one or two weapons of each type at a time, many of which have good boosts in power or added effects, making focusing on a few different types a decent idea.

Shields are unique in that, while equipping them doesn’t raise your defense as might be expected, and actually lower your attack, they give large evasion bonuses that makes dodging attacks much easier, and have the chance of blocking a physical attack completely even if something does connect, all of which increases as you gain levels in it. As for other defensive equipment, you have heavy and light types of armor, with light armor giving less defense bonuses than their heavier counterparts, but not weighing nearly as much, and thus leaving you much more evade. As for spells, they start out very underpowered, and have awful accuracy in the case of buff and debuff spells, but become much more effective after a few levels, with the downside of them costing more MP to cast with each level gained. Characters can learn up to 16 spells, and are free to remove them at any time, at the cost of having to level them again from scratch if they ever relearn them. Instead of simply learn spells by buying them in towns, spells are instead learned from tomes, which can be bought from shops, found in treasure chests, or dropped from enemies. Using them on the field teaches a character that spell, while using the tomes in battle instead casts a high level version of the spell, at the cost of losing that tome.

Unfortunately, as creative as this all is, this system has some serious issues. The main one, which you have already guessed, is that the game is incredibly, incredibly grindy because of these mechanics, and in a much worse way than most other RPGs. While not every stat is going to be important for each character, depending on how you build them, there’s still a lot of things it forces you to keep track of. Even if you want to make a dedicated mage, sticking in the back row with a bow for the whole game will leave them with so little vitality and HP that they’ll just be uncomfortably fragile, and with the magic attacks enemies have by the endgame, you really want to keep them in the front row for a good part of the game. Most spells, including important ones like Life and Esuna, for reviving party members and removing status effects respectively, while extremely useful, have such horrible accuracy to start that they’re completely useless before you level them up, and the weapon distribution is quite unbalanced, with swords having easily the best selection even in the midgame, essentially leaving most other types as stopgaps.

While you might level your important stats a good bit just naturally going through areas, trying to deliberately level any of them is a commitment. While HP, strength, spirit, intelligence, and magic defense tend to come easily enough, increasing stamina often only happens through the loss of a large chunk of their maximum HP, which, obviously, preferably doesn’t happen on a regular basis. This goes likewise for MP and magic, which is rather irritating, as not only do you need more and more MP as your spells level up, but ways to restore MP are extremely limited and costly. The bizarre loop of agility factoring in to evasion increasing, while itself only leveling up based on your current evasion, means that the only reliable way of increasing either is to equip the lightest equipment you have. While leveling up weapon levels is easy enough, especially since you can dual wield different types at once, leveling up spells is a much slower process, with casting low level spells during random encounters, even those that won’t actually help at the moment, often being one of the only feasible ways to get them leveled quick. You may even be tempted to ignore magic beyond simple spells like Cure because of the individual effort needed, but the game will quickly hammer the importance of magic into you; from the randomly encountered flans and bombs that either have absurd physical defense or tend to explode if not fully defeated in one turn, with magic being the only reasonable way to take them out, to mandatory bosses that hit quite hard, and also have enough physical defense to make physical attacks nearly worthless without absurd grinding, you’re not getting through the early game without dedicating some time to magic. On the flip side, another early dungeon has a boss that outright absorbs magic, making physical attacks the only way to beat it.

The game has quite a reputation for being brutal, and it’s not inaccurate, with most dungeons being more than glad to beat you down without remorse, and there’s tons of troublesome enemies to be found throughout the game, doubly so if you try to go for all the treasure chests in the area, as many of them are guarded by encounters called monster-in-a-box, which are often much more powerful than other encounters around. Most bosses are more than happy to make your life miserable too, especially the infamous Lamia Queen and Behemoth. However, this difficulty is in no way fair or well designed. While the growth system can easily leave you unsure as to whether or not you’re prepared for a dungeon, since you have no easy guideline to go off of compared to standard leveling, that’s not even the worst of it. The design of the dungeons, and even the world map, are horrible. There’s tons of doors scattered throughout pretty much every dungeon, and 90% of them lead to dead end rooms with raised encounter rates. There is absolutely no way to tell which doors are dead ends and which are necessary to progress, so you’re reduced to trial and error, which is extremely exhausting when there’s so many doors per dungeon, and you’re almost guaranteed to get into an encounter before you can leave each one, and if you’re tempted to ignore any doors when they don’t seem mandatory to progress, in many of those cases, there’s treasure rooms hidden among them, once again with no way to figure out other than guessing.

The world map, on the other hand, is one of the best arguments against open ended world design there is. Compared to the first game, there are almost no physical obstacles barring where you can go, other than a few rivers that are only crossable by canoe, something you get almost immediately, and a few areas only accessible by boat. Instead, you’re kept out of where you’re not supposed to be through the Dragon Quest 1 method of having the random encounters kill you horribly. The problems with this method are twofold: not only are the borders between where you’re supposed to be and where you’re not very thin, to the point of running into late game enemies just outside of the first town if you go just a biiit too far to the left, compared to Dragon Quest 1 often using bridges as visible borders between areas, but it just doesn’t really fit with how the game is designed. Dragon Quest 1′s pacing is rather relaxed, as while you do have plot objectives, the game doesn’t rush you to fulfill them. You’re meant to just hang around the areas you can survive in, grinding your way up and getting whatever equipment you need until you feel confident to move onto whichever area seems to be designed for next.  In Final Fantasy II, you’re constantly being sent back and forth between areas to get new orders or do whatever the plot wants of you at that moment, but while the game loves telling where to go, it’s pretty bad at telling you how to get there, with its often vague directions being spread out between NPCs in multiple towns, to boot. While there is a map of the overworld you can access, it can still get pretty annoying having to meticulously check where you’re going, and you’re still liable to being decimated just because you wandered into a harmless seeming area. One nasty example comes after completing Kashuon Keep, not too far into the game. You’re expected to head back to Altair, which is on the other side of the world and is quite a bit of a walk, but heading south soon loops back to the Altair area, making for a much shorter walk. Trying to put this idea into practice, however, sends you across the large Palamecian desert, full of enemies more than eager to tell you that this area is still a few dungeons away from being accessed. It’s not completely unsurvivable, and can be safely traversed by finding the nearby hidden Chocobo, but it’s still a nasty situation after a very irritating dungeon.

The biggest, and most frustrating, source of difficulty, however, is that the game stubbornly refuses to tell you anything about what’s going on behind the scenes. There’s so many mechanics left unexplained that cause a lot of difficulty if you don’t understand them. For example, every enemy has a stat called rank, which determines how many skill points for your weapons and magic you’ll actually get by using them on said foes. Essentially, if your weapon or magic levels are higher than the enemy’s rank, you need to use that weapon or spell more times in that battle based on the difference between the numbers to actually get any skill points. Not an unreasonable system, and you can view every enemy’s rank in the bestiary, but the game never directly addresses this, and even the most powerful enemies only go up to rank 10, effectively softcapping your skills and spells at 10, which often leads into having your party attack each other to bypass the entire mechanic, a depressingly efficient solution most of the time. Other stats the game never cares to explain are evasion and magic defense, which both display both numbers and percentages. For evasion, the number represents the number of attacks that character is capable of dodging, as physical attacks strike multiple times per round, and the likeliness of evading each attack. With magic defense, the number represents the number of attempts at avoiding a status effect can be made, and the percentage represents the chance of successfully doing so. Despite the name, the stat does not reduce damage taken from magic attacks.

On the subject of magic, the spells available to you are also plagued with unneeded complexity and vagueness. First off, the descriptions for many spells tend to only give you the barest idea of what they actually do; Aura “Enhances effectiveness against various foes.” It never tells you what enemy types count, or that it only becomes effective against certain types as its level increases, you just have to hope that it’s working whenever you use it. Barrier “Raises a barrier to defend against special attacks.”, again giving you no indication as to what it’s actually protecting against. Shell and Wall both claim to raise magic defense, but give no obvious indication how they’re actually different from each other, and Dispel claims to remove protective magical barriers, which lowers the target’s magic defense, even though you may infer that it removes buffs, like in later games. Other spells tend to be redundant or very situational. Basuna removes temporary status effects, compared to Esuna removing permanent status effects, which is near worthless since not only do temporary effects wear off after a number of turns, but they go away after battle regardless, and are rarely effective enough to waste a turn removing. Fear increases the likelyhood of enemies fleeing battle, which is not only rare to actually work, but is worthless, since you don’t get any credit for defeating any enemies that do flee. Sap reduces the MP of the target, which is not only rarely likely to work, but counterintuitive if you have the infamous Osmose spell, which saps large amounts of MP while restoring the same amount for the user. Status effects also have different elements to them, namely body, mind, and matter, with most enemies having different resistances. Some spells, like Stop and Paralysis, have the same effect, but different elements, and keeping track is both difficult, both remembering which spell is which element, and what enemies are actually affected by each element, and nearly pointless, since the effects are rarely worth bothering with in favor of just attacking. Matter elemental spells, however, are rarely resisted by most enemies, even bosses, and mostly comprise of instant death spells like Mini, Break, Teleport, and most infamously, Toad. Not only does this game make instant death spells effective, it makes them downright overpowered, with almost every encounter being capable of being solved through judicious application of Toad.

But the peak of all this is a special property that some enemies, like ghosts and the final boss, have applied to their physical attacks: a draining effect that not only restores their HP by the amount of damage inflicted, but specifically inflicts 1/16th of the target’s maximum HP per hit, with them eventually attacking 8 times per turn by the final dungeon. To sum this up simply, this makes heavier equipment worse than worthless. Not only will the defensive power do nothing to protect from this damage, but it actively weighs you down and destroys your evasion, guaranteeing you’ll take all those possible hits unless your did some extreme evasion grinding. You’d be protected better by not wearing anything at all, because at least then you’ll make use of all your natural evasion. Unless you want to constantly heal your characters for half their health everytime you run into specific encounters, you have to dedicate a lot of your time, or most of your run through the game, to getting their evasion leveled enough that this isn’t a problem. Knowing this can be the difference between fruitlessly blowing all your resources and breezing through effortlessly, and there is a certain weapon, the Blood Sword, that has this same draining effect, which can singlehandedly annihilate the final boss once you’ve figured this out. While there’s a few other smaller issues, like several encounter formations that cannot be ran from for no apparent reason, other than possibly being formations used in certain monster-in-a-box encounters, those are the main issues, and being aware of them, and having the information to circumvent them, makes the game much, much easier. If anything, it makes the game extremely breakable. From physical attackers that dodge everything thrown at them, to spellcasters that can wipe out encounters with a single cast, it doesn’t take much to erase the difficulty once you know what you’re doing.

As for bonus content, there’s Soul of Rebirth, a bonus mode unlocked after completing the main game, first added in the GBA version, which focuses on several characters who die in the course of the story finding themselves in what they think is the Jade Passage, the path to Hell. While a cool concept that has a really neat final boss of its own, namely the light side of the Emperor, who split off from his dark half after death and instead took over Heaven, it still has issues of its own, namely that most of the party are guest characters in the main game, and carry over the stats, equipment, and spells they had when they left the party, meaning if you didn’t bother training them and stripped them of all equipment before they departed, you’re in an absurd time. The mode is also quite short, and only consists of two dungeons that are just mirrored versions of the final two dungeons of the main game and a town. A neat addition, but not much more than that. Other than that, the only optional content to find in the main game is the Arcane Labyrinth, a bonus dungeon added specifically for the PSP release. The game uses a keyword system where you can learn important terms from NPCs, and ask about those terms to get directions or a bit more plot. It’s sort of neat in concept, but in practice it doesn’t amount to much other than make it slightly more annoying to find out what to do, especially if you manage to miss a keyword. The Arcane Labyrinth, however, revolves around its use. In order to progress past the entrance, you must select a keyword at the portal to the next floor, which then takes you to a specific floor based around the keyword you chose. Almost every floor has a little sidequest to solve, like defeating specific enemies or giving items to NPCs, which give you new keywords exclusive to the labyrinth, or hints for some of the trickier floors. While they can be kinda annoying to do, you only ever have to complete them once for their reward, and can otherwise run straight to the exit on subsequent visits.

Every floor requires you to select keywords for the next, with 45 different floors being available in total, and the Arcane Labyrinth is actually split into 3 sections, with the northwest section requiring four floors to be visited, the northeast seven floors, and the south ten floors, though while you can’t visit the same floor twice in the same section, you can choose repeats in separate sections. There is much more strategy than simply randomly selecting floors, however. Each keyword belongs to a different category, which cause different reactions depending on your next choice. Picking keywords in the same category in a row cause better treasure to spawn and lower the encounter rate, while picking something in a category that opposes it, such as a matter and materials floor after going through a magic and spirits floor, has the opposite effect. Even more importantly, each playable character has a set of keywords that resonate with them, to varying degrees. This becomes important after finishing all three sections, which unlocks the Arcane Sanctuary. Within is Deumion, the master of the Labyrinth, who summons a superboss, Phrekyos, to test you, with its strength varying depending on how many keywords you’ve gotten through the story, making it beatable even in earlier parts of the game. Beating Phrekyos allows you to get a reward from Deumion; if you picked enough keywords that resonate with a certain party member, you will be able to get their ultimate weapon, which not only have tons of power, but confer massive stat boosts when equipped. If your keywords didn’t resonate enough, you only get an elixir, something that you can buy, albeit with absurd amounts of money. The optimal keywords for the main party are only unlocked in the endgame, but it can actually be worth visiting early for the party members that are used in Soul of Rebirth, as the weapons make it much more manageable, though visiting too early can end with you being much too powerful compared to how you should be. A special set of keywords also allow you to see Deumion’s past, leaving you able to either peacefully receive from him the Revive spell, or fight him as the ultimate superboss for the Destroy spell. Both are disgustingly impractical, but it’s a neat idea nonetheless. Overall, the Arcane Labyrinth, though still rife with its own set of frustrations, is actually one of the more enjoyable bonus dungeons I’ve come across, with a very creative concept that actually leaves you curious as to what the next floor could hold.

Overall, while the gameplay of Final Fantasy II has some interesting ideas, it’s held back by an irritating lack of explanation as to how it works, the overly grindy design, and just plain poor design and execution. It’s a miserable experience that makes even other early JRPGs seem appealing, just because their grinding is so much simpler to handle, and I need to note, this is the most polished version of the game. Between bugs, a horribly limited inventory, and even more absurd design decisions, like stats sometimes decreasing instead of increasing, or weapons massively decreasing magic accuracy, and increasing skills taking even longer, any version earlier than the GBA version is even more infuriating and even less playable.

Graphics: Final Fantasy II is actually a quite nice looking game, as with the rest of the Final Fantasy releases on PSP. Locations have a lot of detail to them, like ambient effects like rolling fog, and noticeable lighting effects, with a few areas like Pandemonium having pretty fascinating designs, and there’s some pretty good looking cutscenes for bigger story events. Spell animations are pretty neat, and attack spells have a nice detail where their animations become more elaborate as you level them up more. Characters even finally look accurate to their original art by Yoshitaka Amano, unlike earlier versions, though that’s not necessarily a positive: between Firion’s random mishmash of materials and colors, Maria and Guy’s awkward, half complete outfits, and the terrifyingly gaudy Emperor, this is possibly the tackiest looking cast in the series. The monster designs, on the other hand, are top notch. After Final Fantasy I’s bestiary was lifted almost entirely out of D&D, this game introduced a lot of original and iconic enemies, like the coeurls, the bombs, the malboros, the adamantoises, and the behemoths. It even introduced chocobos, though it’s easy to miss their existence, as their confined to one spot on the world map that’s decently hidden. While there are still a lot of oddities like vampires and giant mantises, it’s still one of the biggest advancements in the series in this regard. The enemy designs also excel in that they look much more threatening than in the first game. These enemies literally come from Hell, and look the part. I’d even go so far as to say that this is the best looking Final Fantasy game on the PSP, and has some of the coolest enemy designs in the series.

Sound: Final Fantasy II’s soundtrack was composed by Nobuo Uematsu, as usual, and remixed by Tsuyoshi Sekito for the remakes. All things considered, it’s my least favorite soundtrack in the main series. That’s not to say it’s bad at all, and there are some great tracks like the Rebel Army Theme, the somber main theme which plains on the overworld, Ancient Castle, the Tower of the Magi, Battle Theme A, typically used for major boss encounters, and Battle Theme 2, the final boss theme. However, as an overall, it’s just not quite as good as the soundtracks for the rest of the main series, to me. It also contains my least favorite version of the Prelude, being just a bit too high pitched for my liking, and my least favorite battle theme, sounding way too intense just for regular encounters, and quickly becoming grating not too far into the game. The soundtrack is good in its own right, and is worth a listen, it just doesn’t quite reach the heights that some of the others do.

Conclusion: Overall, I give Final Fantasy II a firm not recommended. Though very ambitious and important for its day, its story, design, and mechanics have aged like milk compared to the other Final Fantasy games on the NES. While technically still perfectly playable, especially with deeper knowledge as to how the mechanics work, it doesn’t make for much fun at all. You’re better off keeping your distance from this entry. Now, with this absurdly long review finally done, finishing this game, and the subject of my next review, hopefully to be soon, have convinced me I need a break from older RPGs for a while. Till next time. -Scout

[samwrights]

Plastic Flowers [ 2 ]

Chapter 2: Never Underestimate the Poor, Hungry, and Desperate.

Warnings: Language.

A few days had passed since Hitoko and Katsuki met for the first time. Good on her word, Hitoko Ohta’s bar, The Upside Down, had remained closed since that day. And though he would vehemently deny it all if ever asked, Bakugo had casually sauntered by several times a day just to see if the place was open. More often than not, he created excuses for nobody but himself to justify his desire to speak with his soulmate again. A deep rooted part of him wanted to just knock on the door and speak to her in private while she repaired the damages and every time Bakugo had finally gathered the courage to do so, he got a notification from his agency about a crime that he needed to attend to. Maybe it was for the better, he figured, since every time he walked by, Hitoko was drenched with sweat as she did all the heavy lifting by herself. By herself.

Bakugo never had time to dwell on why the mere thought of her being alone in that place made him uncomfortable. As of late, he had been caught up with some strange string of crap bank robberies. It seemed every time Katsuki arrived on the scene, the perpetrator escapes with the money despite multiple eye witness accounts from victims, bystanders, and even police. The criminal always just disappears with spoils in hand. What interested the blonde bomber the most was that, according to eyewitness accounts, each robber was different every time. It wasn’t a simple matter of a wig or a mask; the perpetrator was always female but varied in height, weight, eye color, even facial structure. The only common denominator was gender and, quite frankly, the case was beginning to get on Bakugo’s nerves.

Meanwhile, Hitoko has been working tirelessly for the last few days. The first thing that had to be done was to get the pipe that burst fixed and, with it being a rush order and same day service, it ended up costing a pretty penny to phone a plumber. Without any other assistance, Hitoko was rebuilding the wall that separated her bar from the customer space while she waited for her new espresso machine to be delivered. Initially, she hadn’t included the wall in her cost of damages, but even with the water running for just a few hours before she did an emergency shut off, the water ended up eroding the cheap, weak structure of the half walls that surrounded the espresso bar and mini fridge. Being closed for the last few days and having to order maintenance and replacement equipment, Hitoko was already out nearly twenty grand. Even thinking of her current financial situation grated at her nerves as she stood outside of the Upside Down on a break with a lit cigarette between her fingers.

“Little Kohta Ohta,” A deep voice rumbled nearby, making the woman in question look up towards approaching footsteps. “Heard what happened to your little shop. Fuckin’ heroes, am I right?” Hitoko turned to look to the familiar voice, an easily recognizable hooded figure coming towards her.

“Dabi.” Hitoko greeted quietly with a drawl as she exhaled a thin stream of smoke between her lips. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I’m here too!” A shrill voice called out from behind the man, causing Kohta to smile in the slightest. Before even saying her name, the brunette was enveloped in a hug from Toga Himiko, the closest she had to a best friend. Dabi made the cut as well, though the two of them weren’t nearly as affectionate, which was to be expected from the cold man. “We heard what happened to the Upside Down and we wanted to make sure you were okay!”

“Wow that sure is nice of you guys.” Hitoko said suspiciously before flicking her cigarette out into the street and leading the other two back inside, locking the door behind her. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but I have a sneaking suspicion there’s more to your visit than just to keep me company.” A throaty chuckle left Dabi’s lips as he nudged the hood off of his sweatshirt away, bringing his scarred face to the light.

“Exactly as Toga said. Rumor on the block is that Ground Zero destroyed half the place.” The two League villains took a look at the construction zone, a small grimace touching their lips as they noted how much work their dear friend was putting in, knowing she was doing it alone. Hitoko twitched at the name of the hero, piecing together that whomever Ground Zero was, must have been her soulmate. “Wanted to know if you wanted us to dispose of him for you, or if you finally decided to join the big leagues with us and do it yourself.” Dabi coaxed, dragging a long finger under the brunette woman's chin. Hitoko let out a sigh, pulling herself away from his touch and retreating behind the counter to pour each of them a glass as she wordlessly offered her friends a couple of beers. It was obvious to her they would be staying at least long enough for a drink.

“Dabi, you know I’m not into that shit.” Hitoko said when she returned to the other side of the counter, taking a sip of her own beer in her right hand while carrying the other two in her left. A thick lipped pout rested on Toga’s face as her best friend denied their off-handed proposal. The two of them came to visit a minimum of once a month to attempt to get the mannequin master to join the League of Villains. Every single time they offered the idea to her, she always responded with a firm shake of her head. While Hitoko had become friends with them on the account of them being regulars to the bar, they also seemed to have taken a genuine interest in her life; and her with theirs despite her constant rejection to the League. The two had come repeatedly to the Upside Down on account of their unknown mission, their friendship just a bonus, as Dabi would put it. Who knew villains actually formed friendships rather than simple alliances?

“Aw, but Kohta, you’d be such a good villain!” The blonde female whined. Hitoko only gave a shrug before knocking back the rest of her pilsner.

“I know, Toga. You tell me this every time you visit me but honestly I’m fine with what I’m doing.”

“Really? So you’re okay just being a petty criminal that controls fuckin’ dolls for your silly bank robberies?” Dabi asks with rich timbre, his turquoise eyes icy and thick with an idle threat as he held Hitoko’s gaze. Despite his intimidation tactic, the brunette just gave a wry smile that spoke volumes of her confidence.

“Of course I am, Dabi. I gotta pay for all my shit somehow, right?”

Another fucking bank robbery. That had to be at least four in the last two weeks, and Katsuki was slowly going mad. It just didn’t make any sense! And as much as he wanted to dedicate all of his time to his case, it wasn’t that simple for him. His left arm had been throbbing excruciatingly for the last two days, the white raised lettering slowly turning a deep crimson stroke by stroke, down to the last two letters as the bond remained unsettled. Throwing himself into work didn’t serve as a distraction anymore—if anything it was hindering him.

Once again, Bakugo reviewed tapes of the bank robberies in his agency office while he had a map laid out on his desk of all the banks and trusts that had been hit. All of them were in the downtown area, though there was no immediate pattern nor did their locations reveal a central operating point. The security footage only showed him the physical differences between the robbers which reiterated the only conclusion he had come to—these women were working for somebody. Whom though, Katsuki had no clue. But with one major bank left in the downtown area, he hoped his stakeout would crack the case and solve it shut so he could go back to dealing with his own personal issues.

It was broad daylight when Katsuki “Ground Zero” Bakugo once again stood outside the bank as additional security to four other police officers. For days on end, he had waited diligently for the day the serial robber would strike again. Every person that came in and out, he took a mental picture of their face and added them to an imaginary registry. He’d been outside for hours now, but he knew he would be here until the perpetrator revealed themselves. Justice would prevail, Katsuki firmly believed. Or at least, he was going to make damn sure it did.

A block over, Hitoko watched the security guards move about in an attempt to tighten any weak spots. They had been anticipating her arrival. Beneath her hood and glasses, she scanned how many police officers—four and one pro hero it seemed to be. This time around, Hitoko had to play her game very smart. She knew what the public knew; all females were considered suspects until further notice. It was the very reason she saved this bank for last; a bank just outside of a men’s suit shop. While Hitoko didn’t have as much practice controlling male mannequins, she certainly knew it wasn’t radically different; she just needed to nail the mannerisms.

Hitoko brought herself just a bit closer so that she was only half a block away to have better control over the six male mannequins under her quirk. As she felt her marionettes enter, she kept five near the door to occupy security while the last did the dirty work. Once her main man was at the counter, she felt the adrenaline pump in her veins and ignored the burning in her arms. Guns were pulled, orders were given, and screams filled the air—It was go time. The dummy was demanding every amount of accessible cash to stuff the leather suitcase.

The whole thing was a set up, Bakugo learned, as he went head to head with one of the robbers. It caught everyone, meaning the police officers and the pro himself, by surprise that it was not one or even two people, but six well dressed men—not women—this time around. It was drastically different than the last string of attacks, as they seemed to consist of one or potentially two women. Each member of the security team was occupied with an accomplice, while the one with the suitcase made his attempted escape. More shouting could be heard, this time from the commanding officer, to apprehend the one on the run. It was as if someone knew how many officers were there, as well as a pro hero. As if somebody knew they were anticipating female bank robbers. Somebody knew.

One police officer was gunned down from one of the assailants and honed in the the blonde Hero, making it two against Bakugo. They never seemed to be hurt, and it was pissing him off. No matter how many explosions he set off, where he sent a blast to their faces or punched them, there was never any sign of injury—no bleeding, no burning skin, nothing—on any of the criminals; they just kept getting back up and piled on top of him once again. “What the fuck?!” The hero Ground Zero snarled. Out of his peripherals, he noticed the primary criminal nearly through the threshold of the bank. “Shit!” He had to stop them, and fast, before they got away. He managed to knock the two mannequins off of him, but the one on the run was nowhere in sight. “God fucking dammit!” They had gotten away once again and, while his anger pulsed within him, Bakugo felt his arms burn with an incomparable fire. ‘Why now?!’ He griped internally, entirely unaware of their close proximity. Pissed was putting it mildly—Bakugo was livid, and he needed a fucking drink.

Meanwhile, the minute the mannequin on the run made his successful escape, Hitoko sauntered casually outside a nearby mom and pop flower shop as she awaited for her marionette to return to her. By now, it should have already followed the instructions to ditch the suitcase it had on hand. Her puppet was instructed to transfer the spoils into a backpack where she had kept post during the robbery, only just a block down from the bank, and deliver her the backpack. With the other five dolls from her quirk deactivated, Hitoko was able to create more distance between her and the bank as she only needed to focus on the one with her treasure. As she pretended to siphon through the various bouquets of flowers, the well-dressed faux man entered the flower shop with a fashionable black leather backpack with gold accents.

“Honey, you forgot your bag in the car again.” The dummy spoke to her, pretending to be a doting husband, making Hitoko grin. So far, so good—all was going according to plan. She feigned a laugh and went to peck the doll on the cheek.

“Oh, silly me. Thanks so much darling. I’ll see you after your meeting!” The brunette responded, pushing up her glasses that had fallen slightly astray on her nose. Her fake husband exited the flower shop before turning to the nearest alley, and once again became an inanimate object as Kohta deactivated her quirk. A simple department store mannequin for a men’s suit shop abandoned in a downtown alleyway. Hitoko pretended to look around the shop once again before grimacing and turning to leave.

“Oh, couldn’t find anything you like?” The elderly woman behind the counter asked, small wrinkly frown on her lips. Hitoko shook her head, returning the look with a more youthful pout of her lips.

“No, thank you, though. I was actually hoping to find some plastic flowers for my cafe.”

“Plastic? You mean fake flowers?” It was an odd request. What kind of person came into a flower shop just to find fake flowers? Such a strange woman, the elderly owner thought.

“Yeah. You can spray plastic flowers with any type of perfume and they don’t die. Much better for décor, especially for a coffee shop.” Was all Hitoko responded with before making her exit.

Such a strange woman indeed.

It was nice to finally have things go back to normal, Hitoko thought on a Tuesday night. The Upside Down was finally up and running again, and she was able to welcome back her awaiting regulars with hypothetical open arms. “Took ya a couple weeks to get back up! We missed ya, Kohta.” One of her typical Tuesday customers had said to her. With genuine warmth, Hitoko gave him a smile. This unnamed man was one of many that was happy to see the Upside Down up and running once again.

At a table in the far back corner sat Hitoko’s two best friends, Dabi and Toga, with hoods up and the bottom halves of their faces covered by black masks. If it wasn’t a normal thing to see the two of them dressed this way, looming in the corner and not speaking to anyone other than each other, the bar guests might have been alerted. But any time someone inquired about them or told Hitoko they had felt uncomfortable with their presence, she would simply laugh and tell them her friends were harmless. Harmless in the sense that Dabi and Toga would never to attempt to hurt her clientele, but her guests didn’t need to know that once they were out of the Upside Down, the customer was fair game. The Upside Down was a "safe house" in a brutal game of tag—a running inside joke between the three villains.

Well, pseudo-villain in Hitoko’s case.

Another week had passed, and the case of bank robberies had been left open, as Hitoko or any her mannequins had never been caught. Bakugo swore that this was the most frustrated he had ever been, as he usually did when he was angry or upset. What pissed him off even more that day was that when he finally apprehended two of the criminals, they just stopped moving. It would have been alright if it wasn’t literal—if the robbers hadn’t turned into department store mannequins almost instantaneously. It was unlike anything the agency or even the police had seen; there was no government quirk registered that did anything of the sort. What kind of fucking quirk does that?!

Even with time passing since that incident and discovery, Bakugo was still getting chewed out from his agency for not being able to catch the thugs. His stress was what prompted him to reach out to Eijiro, hoping his friend could distract him from the case. “I’ll meet you at the Upside Down then.” Red Riot’s choice in venue had proved to only strain Bakugo even further.

“Didn’t that chick say she never wanted to see us ever again?” The blonde bomber texted back, anxiously awaiting a reply as he drummed his fingers on the wooden desk in his office. That was another more recent development for Katsuki; his adrenaline and his anxiety levels had gone through the roof. And, while he was no stranger to lashing out at people, many of his close friends knew that he had grown from that behavior in the last ten years. To see it return, to see him screech and howl at nearly anything that moved, they all knew something was disturbing him.

“Dude, you’re soulmates. I’m sure you haven’t forgotten that.” Katsuki’s crimson eyes rolled even if Kirishima couldn’t see. Of course he fucking hadn’t—the fire in his arm wouldn’t let him forget his nameless soulmate. The fact that the two of them had met also wasn’t helping at all. If anything, it had only made matters worse considering Bakugo wanted to blame his lack of success in the bank robbery case on her. Realistically, he knew it wasn’t but, but in his own narcissistic mind, there was no logical reason he could have been bested by a faceless criminal. It was her fault, Katsuki rationalized, because she didn’t want to establish their soulmate bond. She had nothing to lose from being left unbonded, and she was only doing this to him because she knew Katsuki could lose everything. Of course it was this stupid woman's fault because, for whatever reason, she wanted to see him fail like she was. But even in his own head, it sounded stupid to blame her—he didn’t even know her name.

Despite his stubbornness, Bakugo found himself sitting at a high top table at the Upside Down in dark wash jeans and a white button up while waiting for Kirishima. The table was a recent addition, he noticed, realizing the table was where the massive mahogany pool table once stood. The small counter top space only held his arms and his phone face up. Even though Katsuki desperately needed a drink, he couldn’t bring himself to face the owner who stood behind the bar. He just didn’t want to get kicked out before Kirishima even got there, he thought to himself, attempting to rationalize and reason with himself once again. He sure as hell was never going to admit, even to himself, that he was afraid to just stand in front of his soulmate, let alone speak to her. What if his assumptions were right and she just wanted to see his Pro-Hero status get stripped? Or even worse, what if his assumptions were wrong, and she did want to bond? Either way, Katsuki's thoughts petrified him, though he would never say it out loud. The few that were close to Ground Zero knew he was the king of denial.

From behind the bar top, Hitoko continued talking to her regulars as she ignored the throbbing in her arm that started the moment the blonde bomber walked in. While holding her conversations with her bar top regulars, she noticed he refused to make eye contact with her and immediately bee-lined for a table out of her direct field of vision. The two bodies hidden in the corner that Hitoko had grown very accustomed to over the years made their way closer to the counter. Even with the masks covering the lower halves of their faces, she could easily see the dancing amusement in the eyes of Dabi and Toga. “Remember, Kohta, if you need a hand you let us know.” Dabi chimed with drips of sarcasm, recounting their previous conversation about Ground Zero. With carefully selected words, as he often did, Dabi masked his words with innocence as he tossed a blanket over his underlying threat. Toga let out her whimsical laughter.

“We’re gonna get going Kohta!” The blonde woman sang quite loudly. “Remember to give us a call! Love you!” In response, “Kohta” gave a shake of her head as she bid them farewell. Was that what her name was, Bakugo wondered. It didn’t...seem to fit her, was all he could think of. Kohta sounded strong and almost authoritative, but this woman before him seemed so dainty. Like she could break just from a fierce glare, but he recounted the night they had met. Kohta herself was full of fire and liquid steel when her anger had flared up. Everything about her didn't seem to add up, Katsuki observed as the brunette waved to her friends, maneuvering her way out from behind the bar and calling out towards the door to the back room.

“Jiroda, I’m gonna take a smoke break!” The brunette gave a quick shout before grabbing a crushed pack of cigarettes from beside her tip jar next to the beer taps and walking out with her friends. From the swinging door emerged a tall blonde woman, whom Katsuki presumed was ‘Jiroda’, another employee of the bar. And while his assumption was technically correct, he would never know that Jiroda, or any of the Upside Down’s employees, were simple manipulations of Hitoko’s quirk. Well, at least now he knew her name. Kohta, as the strange masked couple that had just left had called her. A name that he refused to believe held so much significance in his life. A name that had yet to physically leave his lips. A name he wanted to call out. He couldn’t help but wonder if she knew his name.

Outside of the Upside Down, Kohta lit her long menthol cigarette while standing in the alleyway between buildings with Toga and Dabi. The two villains finally pulled down their masks, revealing the smirks and wicked grins on their faces. “So what’s Ground Zero doing here again?” Toga asked with a hidden implication toning her question. Toga, ever the warrior of love and romanticism, wondered if her best friend had finally taken interest in a man, even if said man was a Pro-Hero. Maybe he was trying to court her, she hoped. Kohta’s happiness came second to only her own when it came to relationships. Especially knowing the amount of time the marionette mistress had spent in loneliness and solitude, some dedicated companionship for Kohta would make Toga feel much more at ease. In response, the owner of the bar just raised her eyebrow, exhaling smoke with an unamused look on her face.

“Who?”

“You know, the guy who smashed your pool table? The reason you had to go and rob all the banks downtown?” Dabi sneered lowly, though there was no actual malicious intent. The scarred, two-toned man, despite actually holding a form of endearment for the brunette female, constantly loved to goad her towards the lane of villainy. His main tactic was to remind her of her recurring crimes as well as previous ones, hoping to one day manipulate her into finally joining the League of Villains. Dabi loves Kohta—truly he does. It is the very reason he will not stop trying to shackle the woman into the League with him, so that he knows she will no longer suffer a path of solidarity. He doesn't want Hitoko Ohta, a runaway orphan, to continue her life without back up, to get tossed away into a different type of system when she was so much more than that. Dabi would not stop until she was completely under his protection.

“Dude, don’t just go around blurting that into the air.” Hitoko grit out as she smacked the male villain on the back. The man just laughed, rubbing at the brunette’s head, messing up her hair out of affection. Another roll of her diluted periwinkle orbs was given as the woman took another drag of her cigarette before brushing the cherry along the brick of her cafe. Hitoko tossed the butt onto the sidewalk, giving Toga and Dabi halfhearted hugs as she bid them farewell.

“I wonder if he’s actually come to see her, or if its just happenstance.” Toga asks Dabi as the two of them walk away from the Upside Down, pulling their face masks back over their features.

“Don’t matter if he did. All that matters is that his presence makes our job easier for us.”

Kohta entered the building once again, her presence asserting itself to the forefront of Bakugo’s mind. His arm felt as if it were repeatedly being dipped into lava, one feeling amongst many others he had been avoiding. The script that lonely decorated his left arm was almost completely red, only the last letter remaining white. An internal clock ticked in his mind every second of every day, wondering how much longer he had until his quirk vanished and he would be out of his career. Katsuki Bakugo, ever the optimist.

“Dude, you have to talk to her.” Eijiro verbally prodded the blonde man, pulling him from his internal conflict. A cross between a click of his tongue and a scoff left Katsuki’s lips as he took a swig of his beer.

“I don’t have to do anything.”

“Cut the crap, Bakugo.” Kirishima snapped, his jovial demeanor completely absent. More often than not, it was challenging to be friends with Katsuki. A part of being his friend, his best friend no less, Kirishima felt it was his responsibility to bring the blonde back to Earth when his head was so far up his own ass. Needless to say, Ground Zero needed a reality check and fast. Eijiro knew that his best friend’s days being a Pro-Hero were limited if he didn’t solidify his soulmate bond, that he would lose control or potentially lose his quirk all together. He knew that would kill him inside, and Kirishima couldn’t just idly sit by and let it happen. “Just go talk to her.”

“I don’t even know what her stupid name is.” Bakugo despised whatever emotion Kirishima was making him feel, in addition to the ones that were already muddling his mind. He felt small, even a bit belittled, from Red Riot’s sternness. As if suddenly, Katsuki didn’t know as much about the world as he thought he did. There was no word in his vocabulary that could properly convey what he felt in that moment. His pride, his nervousness, anxiety, fear—it was too much for him to swallow. All he could down at his moment was the alcohol in his hand.

“So ask her.”

“You know her, can’t you just tell me what her fucking name is?!” The minuscule spat between the two professional heroes had gone back and forth until both of their tall beer glasses were empty. Kirishima saw it as the perfect opportunity to get Katsuki to do his bidding, he just had to play it right. Which he hoped wouldn’t be as difficult as it could be, knowing Bakugo.

“Look, I gotta take a leak dude. You mind getting us the next round?” Before there could be a pause to cause another argument, the red haired man stood up abruptly from his bar stool and made his way towards the bathroom on the opposite side of the cafe closest to the door. Dammit, Bakugo thought. Even as academically brilliant as he was, he could still be manipulated and bested by such a dumb person, thanks to his lack of competence from his hazy mind. That's what he believed, anyway. Ground Zero, the king of denial, would never be able to admit that Kirishima was just right on these matters. Grumbling to himself, Katsuki shuffles towards the bar, coming face to face with his soulmate once again.

“Hey.”

Plastic Flowers Masterlist

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Thank you guys for checking out this story! I’ll be updating the chapters every Saturday! Chapter title taken from The Front Bottom’s song “The Plan (Fuck Jobs) off their album “Back On Top”.

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@wwwwyamd​

[abalonetea]

updated character list, because i’m procrastinating Work and also I've made major changes since the last one, woops

                                                    Adele Adler  

the handler, the woman in charge. She runs relay between all four teams, doling out missions, handling issues that arrive on and off base, and acting as go between for the Teams and the Council. she’s supposed to keep her distance between them, and had managed that for all the teams before now, but…the men are growing on her! she has a surprising soft spot for most of them, and finds herself more and more willing to turn blind eyes on their shenanigans.

_-_

                                                  West Team

                                                   Jeremy - Speedster

a rough upstart from the streets of Los Angeles. he spent nearly six years bouncing from city to city, and did a very large stint running drugs for a prominent crime organization. with hands that have been broken more than a few times and a serious case of ADHD, paired with a short temper and a habit of fighting dirty, he’s a firecracker out on the field.

                                              Joshua - Sharpshooter

born in Roturoa, but more often found in the wilds away from other people. if it moves, he’s been paid to hunt it before. perpetually tired and with a bad eye from an old shooting injury, it can sometimes be surprising that he’s so fierce out on the field. especially when it comes to people bothering what’s his.

                                                   Feliciano - Rouge

served in the Iradium War just outside of Rome, briefly, and made a living as a bodyguard for a while. he’s used to being neither seen or heard as a result, and it’s led to a very slow process in finding a place for himself on the team. that being said, he’s got a fondness for making poorly timed jokes on the field, directly before stabbing an opponent in the neck.

                                                     Lukas - Techie

a former teacher at the SPFOT, where he created the original prototype for prosthetic limbs fueled by iradium. knows more about the strange element than anyone else, and found himself working for the GSC after being framed for the murder of a former colleague. you’ll often find him building devices that will stop him from having to get involved with hand in hand combat.

                                                     Deiter - Doctor 

after losing everything that he owned during WW2, Deiter found himself working as a black market doctor, trading treatment for food and places to stay. extremely fond of the team that he has now, and very invested in making sure that they consistently come back in one piece - despite the occasional code disruptions that occur.

                                                     Jamie - General

from a small town to the fields of the Iradium War, he’s been fighting from the moment he had the chance. close contact with constant iradum boom’s have left him with some pretty bad hearing loss, and a strong dislike for explosives work. excels in planning and finding the strong points in his comrades.

_-_

                                                     East Team

                                                     Scout - Scout

grew up in Boston, where he was raised by a single mother, with five younger siblings. between the ADHD and the dyslexia, he’s lacking in confidence, and making up for it in bluster. a proud owner of pigeon wings, an iradium baseball bat, and a true master at sleight of hands, including coin tricks.

                                                     Jane - Guard

a former soldier in WW2, who came away from the fight with some hearing issues. very loud and a little too blunt for most people’s likings. has eagle wings, but one of them’s broken and held in place with a handmade strap. takes great pride in his job. very good at sewing, and gets a kick out of Scout’s jokes even if he won’t admit it.

                                                    Corentin - Thief

 he was drafted into the Korean War, where he served a grueling eight months before being attacked by military trained dog-horses and sent home. a chronic insomniac who never settled back into civilian life, and has an abysmally childish sense of humor. usually tasked with cooking meals on his team. lovebird wings.

                                                    Ollie - Arsonist

a firebug from Daytona who was picked up by Seamus, and not Adele. really wants to do his job well and not fuck things up, but has a case of chronic bad luck. paired up with Scout, they become the gruesome twosome, and cause prank-Hell for the rest of the team. collects lighters. sparrow wings.

                                                    Seamus - Gunner

an alcoholic with a penchant for creating updated guns, and a fondness for loud music. he/s a great cook but never bothers with it. got caught in a car bomb when he was younger, and has pretty bad back issues now. Ollie’s proving to be good for him. great skua wings. (subclass - Builder)

                                                    Sasha - Healer

a doctor with a love for guns, and a history with a cult in Siberia. she’s an optimistic person, though large crowds make her a little nervous. has more common sense than the ret of her team mates put together, drinks vodka in her tea, and has vulture wings. heavily linked to a hypothetical angel of death. (subclass - gun enthusiast)

_-_

                                                    North Team

                                                    Tony - Runner 

local loudmouth of North team. you cannot pay this boy to be quiet, and he’s both stupid as a bag of bricks and also incredibly intelligent. from New York, where he had a lovely stint robbing the Italian mafia blind with his husband, Rizzo, until they were both shot up and picked up by Adele. part of a modern day bonnie and clyde.

                                                    Rizzo - Demolitions Expert

pretty adorable if you can get past the fact that he’s incredibly crass and has no filter between mind and mouth. Hopelessly in love with his husband, even if no one else realizes they’re married. he will burn water if you let him cook, so maybe best if you don’t.

                                                    Loto - Archer

from the Louisiana bayous, and great with a cross bow. has an old coonhound-horse that sleeps in bed with him, but who Loto claims to hate. often forgets that he needs to actually go to the kitchen and get food, and that the food he needs is easily available.

                                                     Braeburn - Mechanic

the longest running member of any of the active teams. has a prosthetic arm. really fond of sweet tea, and has more idea of what’s going on than he’s willing to let on. bound up in so many contracts, it’s literally woven into his Intent.

                                                    (N/A - Medic)

                                                    (N/A - Assassin)

_-_

                                                    South Team

                                                    Elias - Soldier

a big softy, under all that gruffness. a pretty shy guy, and any kindness will make him flustered. was pulled into a unit of winged soldiers for the Iradium War on a technicality. spent four years traveling around the states with BJ. has a severe case of HEARTsickness. greater frigate wings.

                                                    BJ - Hurricane 

left an abusive home at fourteen and has been on the streets since. took a contract with GSC to get Elias medical treatment. dyslexic, and often described by his team as “being a lot”. a baseball enthusiast from Orlando, who’s basically Florida Man with hummingbird wings.

                                                    Olek - Firepower 

can probably punch you hard enough to get a KO, but fights with an Iradium powered flare-gun that does serious damage. from Russia, with a strict I won’t tell you anything about my past policy, and a bizarre fondness for bears. great at giving hugs when you’re down. curly goose wings.

                                                    Jakob - Maker 

has a highly advanced prosthetic eye. losing the vision in his other eye. the guy who picked up BJ and Elias. has a real morality struggle between the job he does, and his own views on Mercy. probably needs a hug more than he lets on. rhode island red wings.

                                                    Jules - Spy

one of the longest lasting members of the Compass teams. served in WW2, and the Iradium War. genderfluid, and doesn’t remember their real name. walks a thin line between being distant and flirtatious as fuck, with the bad habit of falling asleep while he’s smoking. used to have cardinal wings

                                                    Gabe - Hunter

a former worker on an Alaskan fishing boat, he’s a remarkable shot with a rifle and can catch most anything in traps including humans. head strong and doesn’t take direction well. falcon wings. (sub class - Field Medic)