#but would definitely be a career sort of thing. Like if I had the money for a fully stocked sculpture room and and a sewing room

[icewindandboringhorror]

If you became super rich and could design your own house, but could only add THREE unnecessary/random/expensive home additions (like how people will have bowling alleys, movie theatres, closets with museums of shoes, car display rooms, spa rooms, wine cellars, etc. in their mansions) - what three would you choose?

[sl-ut]

random college!abby hcs

more!college abby

warnings: mentions of sex, drinking, drugs, and nudity, cursing, mild hint homophobia

first things first: jerry is alive and abby is his pride and joy

i'm serious... her mom died when she was a toddler and jerry hasn't had a long-term relationship since, so he's the only parental figure that she has

he took every precaution while raising her to make sure she always had everything she could ever need while also making sure that she didn't end up being an entitled brat

otherwise, she is very close with both of her father's siblings (her aunt is the only maternal relationship she has and definitely relied on her for all of her personal issues as a teenager), has a good relationship with jerry's mother and step-father

her mother was an only child, but her parents always come over for thanksgiving and even christmas sometimes

she was very supportive of her father taking in yara and lev after she moved out. she knew he was suffering from a severe case of empty nest syndrome. she def makes them feel so welcome right away like those strangers became her siblings in a matter of minutes

i'll only say it once ppl: OLD MONEY

jk i'll say it again. the andersons are a long line of surgeons and doctors so obvi they're gonna be well off

like, not "fund a research facility to get my kid into college" rich, they're more "i casually have a summer home, a ski chalet, and a ridiculously nice house to live in year round" rich.

her only real relationship was in high school (trigger warning: it was owen)

our bby had a bad case of comphet as a teenager

like fr she had not even considered the fact that she might be gay until she was two knuckles deep in some sorority girl during a party in her freshman year

after that she sort of just accepted it, she had no concern of her dad bc obviously he would be so accepting and supportive, but a few of her relatives def had an issue with it right off the bat (old money, old values)

she's been friends with manny, nora, owen, and mel since middle school, and the only one whose view of her seemed to change was owen (and mel too ig bc she stopped seeing abby as such a threat)

he drunkenly questioned her about it once, saying something super gross and along the lines of "you didn't seem gay when we were together"

to which she responded by offering him two choices; he could sit down and shut up or she would knock him tf out

he's cooled it since then but everyone knows that he still has a big fat crush on her so he still wants to believe he has a chance (even tho he was literally already talking to mel before they broke up and announced they were together only a few days after)

she's pre-med, majoring in bio and minoring in something totally different like classical lit or history or something

she's gonna end up being an orthopedic surgeon but later on in her career i can see her turning to teaching at a university or something

like doctor!abby turned prof!abby???? omg

is very health conscious

she's a gym rat, this we already know

she also takes her diet very seriously as well, but always has a secret stash of junk for when she really needs it

also careful with her alcohol/drug intake

she drinks on occasion (birthday, christmas, new years, etc, etc) but usually not very much (will almost always be sober enough to be the sober driver if need be)

she refuses to do any drugs during lacrosse season. she's so strict with her diet during the season that she won't ingest anything other than quality, nutritious food. she also needs to submit a drug test a few times per season so she doesn't wanna risk it.

in the off season, she's more willing to have a puff or two at a party or take an edible before a movie night or something (i don't see her doing any drug other than weed)

she lived with manny during her freshman and sophomore years

they had a shitty little apartment a few minutes away from campus

it was the only one that manny could afford on a student budget, and he refused abby's offer to get a nicer apartment and let her pay a larger portion of the rent than he did

they still had fun either way

manny loved having another person he could talk about girls with (he was initially gonna move in with owen but then he got ditched for mel)

every sunday morning they would get takeout for breakfast so manny could recount his night with the girl that had snuck out only a few hours earlier

she was a little hesitant to join in and share her own stories, but she finally got more comfortable in talking to him about it (RESPECTFULLY!!!!!!! she was so scared that she was gonna end up sounding like a literally disgusting pig but she keeps the details to a minimum and only says nice things unless the girl was a major bitch)

she's a lululemon/gymshark girly. her go-to style is definitely any variation of athlesiure. she wears lots of joggers, dry-fit tops, and the cleanest pair of white sneakers you'll ever see

underneath, i'm picturing her as more of a bralette type of girl. obviously she wears a sports bra to the gym, but on a regular basis, she likes wearing bralettes over bras bc she doesn't need that much support so they offer just enough without the discomfort of a bra

i'm settling the debate rn everyone, college!abby wears boxers AND panties

she finds boxers more comfortable on a day to day basis, but she likes wearing cheekies and thongs especially when she's wearing leggings

so dorky

she was definitely a sci-fi/fantasy kid

she grew up on harry potter, lord of the rings, star wars, etc etc

would love a partner who would watch them with her and actually enjoy it

unironically makes gym thirst traps on tiktok

her followers always comment supportive things like: looking good!, major gainssss, muscle mommy come destroy this pu-

still wears the iconic braid, but usually only when she's on the field. she occasionally wears her hair down, but i hc that she still likes to wear her hair pulled back in a cute little braided ponytail or a messy low bun

when she's older SHE CUTS HER HAIR OMG OMG OMG like literally i'm purring rn

like ik you've all seen that edit of her with super short hair omg she's so hot

in her junior year she decided to live on her own

manny moved in with jordan, who had been begging him for a while since the rent was more than he could handle on his own, though manny's rent would actually be cheaper than it was in his apartment with abby

they still do their traditions tho, still having sunday breakfast, still going to the campus pub on fridays for trivia, still going to the gym together on wednesdays...

they're actually besties i love them

when she's on her period, she craves salty foods

is so frustratingly confident in her emotions

will always try to diffuse the situation and pissing the other person off with her calmness

takes really good care of her skin

her favourite drink is diet cranberry gingerale

she's a dog person, but she would definitely enjoy having a cat around too

adopts a rescue dog a few weeks after finishing her residency

uses old spice fiji body wash and deodorant (SHE SMELLS SO FUCKING GOOD) and a musky vanilla body spray

likes to feel and be clean, but isn't too fussed about her body hair so long as it looks tidy. she isn't anti shaving, and will probably make an effort to shave more regularly in the early stages of a relationship until she's more confident and comfortable around the person

NSFW

down-there hair? duh

like i said, she likes to keep things tidy so she'll trim and maybe shave her bikini line if she's feeling it but that's it. she's not fussed with body hair, whether it's her or her partner's

again, she'll make an effort to keep herself looking neat and tidy for the first bit of a relationship but after a few weeks she's not afraid to go full-bush when she doesn't wanna shave

she doesn't love penetration. fingers are one thing, but she has only had not-so-great experiences with sex that involved a penis-like object. she'd wanna be the one wearing the strap for the most part, but she'd be willing to try it again with the right person

slow and passionate sex >>>>>

considers herself to be very vanilla but she's actually kinda kinkyyyyy (she gets so embarrassed and blushy when anyone calls her out for it)

she prefers scissoring to using her strap (but she LOVES her strap)

she doesn't like to choke her partners, but she will reach her hand up and just hold their throat while they're fucking

she's always so sensitive

came in like thirty seconds during her first time with another girl

she's noiiiiisssyyyyyyyy

she usually starts out with just heavy panting breaths, then they turn into deep grunts, then she begins to whine from low in her throat, and finally she begins to gasp out words of praise or curses

she squirts teehee

like i said she's always so sensitive, so if she's any ways worked up when someone's going down on her they better watch out bc they're in the splash zone

her strap is purple and sparkly

abby anderson eats ass

her nipples are super sensitive too

not really nsfw but she really loves casual nudity with her partners, changing in front of each other, hopping in the shower together, using the bathroom with the other person in the room...

she's a boob girl. doesn't matter if they're big, small, saggy, or perky, she just wants to suck them

when she's on top, she likes to pull her partner's leg over her shoulder and will just start like trailing kisses along the length of their calf

she's a literal munch

will use it to her advantage too

tells her partner she'll go down on them if they finish their assignments

[abstractnaturaldisaster]

is it over now? (was it over then?)

part seven

part eight: i think about jumping off of very tall somethings

Eddie was fully convinced he had lost whatever remaining dignity he might have had when his friends had found him sunken into his beanbag chair with random detritus strewn around the room. He really thought he could not feel any lower than when Ronnie made it more obvious than necessary that she was picking her way through Eddie's junk to stick a hand into his nest and pull him out by his collar. He thought that was rock bottom, but being early for coffee with Robin and Nancy and having to wait with a cooling americano he spent way too much money on really gave that whole experience a run for its money.

Ronnie had suggested dming Robin and Nancy and testing the waters to see if they would be willing to broker some sort of reunion with Steve. Eddie stared at her like she had suggested he deliver the one ring to mordor alone; however, she obviously had a point since the newly announced couple suggested meeting up.

"Hey! Eddie! Sorry we're late!" Robin caught Eddie's attention as Nancy went to order.

"Oh, uh, no worries," Eddie fumbled, "I'm just happy you're here at all honest."

"I mean, Nance said it's only fair to hear you out but you were fucking brutal to my best friend, dude, so like the window to give you some grace is pretty fucking small," Robin answered.

"No, yeah totally understood. How do you want to do this?" Eddie asked.

"Why don't you just explain what happened from your side of things. From our angle, you look like kind of a douche but also I feel like maybe Steve didn't handle things great either? I dunno. I mean, you made him really happy, if we have a chance to fix that, I think I owe it to Steve, right?" Robin answered.

"Sure, yeah, no that makes sense," Eddie started as Nancy sat down with her and Robin's drinks.

"Keep going, Eddie, this is mostly Robin's thing anyway," Nancy prompted. She did not look quite as open to fixing things as Robin did and Eddie felt a little more nervous after he let himself relax in Robin's easy presence.

"For sure, so like obviously you know all of the like tabloid bullshit about Steve and whatever and like I kind of got it and understood but then without any warning I show up and Steve's like gorgeous and super successful ex was just on his couch and Steve isn't willing to explain? I mean that was pretty fucking hard to swallow," Eddie finished a little less certain of where he stood with Robin as she narrowed her eyes over her tea.

"So instead of trusting Steve and listening to him when he told you how much the tabloids have lied about him throughout his career you let the fact that I was present in his home be enough to trump years of what you all had built?" Nancy questioned. Eddie could see her journalism chops coming out.

"That's fair. I mean, I definitely acted without a lot of thought but like, why wouldn't you have looped me in? Did you guys not trust me?" Eddie asked still trying to figure out why he was left flat footed all those weeks ago.

"I think that might be on me," Robin piped up, "I was pretty nervous about coming out and I think Steve was being super protective and didn't want to ask me to come out to more people than I was wanting to. It's not that he didn't trust you, Eddie, it's that we had some pretty shitty years with different agents trying to push me in different directions and I think he just was sick of feeling like outside forces were making me move quicker than I was ready to. And it's not like you made it easy on him to reach out to you after. How was he supposed to respond when you blocked him on literally every platform?"

"I guess I didn't think he would want to explain or he'd try to like explain everything away even though it had seemed obvious at the time he was cheating on me," Eddie paused when both Robin and Nancy threw death glares across the table, "Jeez, I know now that was stupid but at the time it was the only rational I could see."

"I guess we should stop interrogating you, you do seem pretty serious, otherwise I don't think you would have agreed to meet both of us," Nancy jumped in.

"I really regret cutting him off like I did. I know I got way too in my head about everything immediately and just didn't give it time or let him respond," Eddie tried to sound as apologetic as he felt.

"We believe you, you two are both dinguses," Robin cut in, "more importantly, what are we going to do about that fucking song and how the hell do you propose apologizing for all the shit you stirred?"

"I thought we were done with the interrogation," Eddie held his hands up.

"Only about whether or not you're genuine, you still have to figure out how you are putting my bestie back together," Robin answered.

"So about that. I have a couple ideas. One, I feel like a song got us into this mess and my label wants more music anyways so I am kind of thinking of an apology song. The rest of my band has actually started workshopping some stuff with me to try to put it together as soon as we can. I'm kind of hoping to release it before Steve gets back so we are a bit under the clock," Eddie began, "And second, that's where I was kind of hoping you guys could help. I don't want to like ambush the guy but I also don't know if Steve will be interested in meeting with me or like ready to start dating again. I was kind of hoping I could crash one of your movie nights? Maybe once Steve gets settled a bit more?"

"Steve is not the best with surprises," Robin thought aloud, "but that's not a no, it's a convince me."

"I just figure he'll be in his space and relaxed and he also fully has an out to have you kick me out if he isn't interested. If he is, I was kind of hoping you too would be willing to make yourselves scarce?" Eddie hoped that was enough.

Surprisingly, Nancy was the one to answer.

"I think we have a deal, Munson," Nancy stuck her hand out for Eddie to shake.

Eddie left the cafe feeling more hopeful than he had in some time.

@lololol-1234 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @zombiethingy @grtwdsmwhr @dreamercec @anne-bennett-cosplayer @strawberryyyenthusiast

@mensch-anthropos-human @kal-ology @ttyrussss @kristmkris @starman-jpg @wonderland-girl143-blog @child-of-cthulhu @legalmenace87 @adealwithher @practicallybegging @lunaraquaenby @stripey82

@lexyvey @goodolefashionedloverboi @mothmamhasyourlocation @mugloversonly @sherrylyn0628 @steddieinthesun @wonderland-girl143-blog @counting-dollars-counting-stars @bookworm0690

(if you wanna be tagged in future parts feel free to comment! happy to add people)

[lurkingshan]

Goodbye Cooking Crush

Aw man, I am so sad this wonderful little show is over. It delivered everything I needed and held up all the way through its run. Everything came together in this finale for some great final payoffs, and the characters stayed true. When we were watching the finale I said to @neuroticbookworm and @twig-tea that this show is writing porn, because all of the narrative threads build and converge in such a satisfying way. I posted a couple weeks ago that this show is exactly what you want from a good romcom, and I stand by it. Great outing for OffGun and a very rewarding show that I will surely be rewatching many times.

As expected, this week delivered a solid, nuanced ending for Ten's family conflict. I loved the way Ten sat Prem down at the family table, took the chair opposite his father at the other end of the table in a clear power move, and told him in no uncertain terms that Prem was his boyfriend and he had to accept it. And his dad did not have a sudden personality transplant; he pushed back and challenged Prem to prove his integrity. It made sense to me that Prem wanted to pay that money back; the money scam from the beginning of their relationship has been weighing on him the whole time, and he doesn't want any shred of doubt lingering over his relationship with his in-laws. My favorite part of that whole sequence was Prem's grandma finally finding out about the money and getting out her switch; this was never Prem's burden to bear alone and I'm glad he learned his lesson about not asking for help.

So Ten's dad was forced to accept Prem when he came through on his promise, and he even offered a classic Asian parent version of an apology by coming to Prem's restaurant to acknowledge him, which is more than I expected from him. My favorite thing about that final scene at the restaurant is that Ten's dad hasn't really changed and he and Ten are not suddenly getting along; their conversation was still adversarial even as he finally explained a couple things, and in the end he was left to eat at the table alone. No unearned parental 180 here. They are not suddenly a big happy family, but they've settled on a detente everyone can live with. It feels right.

And in another family drama, Fire finally found the courage to tell his mother how much she has hurt him, and after an initial rejection, she realized she didn't want to lose Fire and offered him acceptance. I would have liked a bit more breathing room in this plot because her turn felt a little too easy, but it's a side story so I get that they were time constrained. It was nice to see Fire finally stand up for her, and Dynamite begrudgingly accepted into the family. I liked that Dy's family didn't magically appear; not all families will accept their queer children, and that is the reality he has to live with. But it must have felt somewhat healing to see that happen for Fire and know he was a big part of giving Fire the courage to finally come out.

Meanwhile, the Three Must-Eat-Ers lost the cooking competition but won the hearts of many with the touching story of their final dish, and built careers bolstered by their show fandom. I was so pleased to get the flash forward to show us that Prem did get to open his chef's table restaurant, with Ten's full support (and with rings of some sort on, not sure if they're engaged or married but they are definitely committed). It was the very sweet cherry on top of the ice cream sundae of their romance. Ten and Prem, Communication Kings, are going down as one of my all-time favorite bl couples.

I am agnostic on the final Samsee/Pang reveal, given my hopes for a Samsee/Metha pairing. I'm not mad at the show for not going there--it would definitely have been pairing the spares to put Samsee and Metha together, which I generally do not go in for--and am mostly happy that Samsee found love and Metha is still part of the gang. I would have also loved to see those bullies get some comeuppance, but honestly, bullies often win, and it didn't feel like a true loss for our boys so I'm good with it. This was a solid finale for a feel good show and I will miss it dearly.

[the1975attheirverybest]

Promises To Keep

A/N: Day 4 of valentines week!

Warnings: none

***

“I- umm,” Jo’s voice quivered. “I’m p-pregnant?”

Matty looked down at the 4 pregnancy tests, all clearly indicating, either in “+” or lines, or big bold letters “PREGNANT.” He grabbed one of the opened boxed, scanning over the fine print. “Mhm. Y-you’re definitely pregnant. It would seem.”

He looked up at her from the bathroom floor, as she sat, wide-eyed on the side of the bathtub, staring down at the mess of tests at her feet. Matty was, of course, overjoyed. This was the best news of his entire life. He’s always wanted to be a father. And the fact that it had happened without them planning it or trying? He’s not one for religion but he was certain that’s what he would call a blessing, if ever such a thing existed. He wanted to scream it from the rooftops. until he could determine Jo’s feelings on the matter, though, he was trying to remain calm. And it was killing him. He wanted to hoist her into his arms and hold her tight. He wanted to kiss her from head to toes. He wants to cry. But he had to stay focused and supportive.

“I- am gonna be a mom? Like- a mother?”

“Mhm.”

“L-life is…g-growing? Inside me? I- have a womb and shit?”

Matty frowned. “Pretty sure you’ve always had a womb- that’s not the point,okay.” He corrected himself. “Well, erm….life doesn’t begin at conception, Jo.”

Her eyes met his for the first time since the tests turned positive. “Right.” She mumbled. “It’s not a baby. It’s just cells.”

Matty’s heart sank. But he couldn’t argue with facts. “Just cells.” He echoed.

Jo’s hand absently moved to rest on her nonexistent bump. Matty’s hand itched to rest atop hers, but he held back. He watched her look into the distance as she pictured her future. 9 months from today. A child changes everything. Her life. Her body. Her career. Not to mention, her relationship. She was under no illusions when it came to parenthood. She’d watched enough of her friends go through the process to know about the sleepless nights, and the breastfeeding problems and the ever-present smell of poopy diapers in the house no matter how much cleaning one does. She was young. Her career had just taken off. She has just started to get a sense of who he is as an adult….and yet….

The notion of having a baby, one that is half her and half Matty, felt bigger, better, more right than anything else that she had planned or foreseen for herself in the future. The idea that the two of them could love each other so much to the point of making a whole third person out of this love was the perfect next step for their relationship.

Tears stung the backs of her eyes; a smile danced on her lips. “Well, we’ve both always said we want to be parents…”

Matty’s eyes lit up at her words. “Yes! We have!” He said, half standing up.

“I mean- nobody’s getting any younger- I make good money-“

“I’m rich, Jo. In case you haven’t-“

“And I work in design I can do that from anywhere-“

“I don’t have to work at all!” Matty yelled out, as if announcing the fact to a room full of people.

“You, do, in fact, have to work. You leave for tour tonight.”

Matty got up to sit beside her on the edge of the bathtub. “Right. If this child decides to ignore school and start a band….they’re going to live in our house for a long time. We’ll need a bigger house.”

Jo giggled at the image that his words had painted.

“Speaking of house….i can’t go tonight. You’re pregnant.”

“Don’t be stupid! You can go. You have to go.”

“And leave my pregnant- not wife.” He chuckled. “Funny, I- always thought: rock band, husband, then kids. Guess not everything happens in the order you want it to happen.”

Jo nodded. “Yeah,” she sighed. “I…always thought I’d feel like an adult by the time that I got pregnant. You know, sort of in the way that moms do?”

“Mhm.”

“Moms always….know everything. Like what to wear to things and what to do if a scab won’t heal, and how to make the perfect roast potatoes.”

“Roast potatoes?” Matty frowned. “You make a good roast, Jo-“

“Yeah but I can never get them quite right. You know, crispy and golden on the outside but tender and fluffy on the inside?”

He nodded along, recognizing what she meant, “sure. Yeah.”

“Our child is gonna grow up eating subpar potatoes, Matty.”

Matty held his head in his hands, letting her words fly by. Their child was going to be subjected to a lifetime of imperfect potatoes. A lifetime. With a child. They’re having a child. He’s gonna be a dad! He’s having Jo’s baby!

“Hey, Jo?” He called out, his voice echoing through the porcelain tub.

“Yes, Matty?”

He picked his head up and looked at her, flashing her a huge, shimmering grin. “We’re having a baby!”

The joy that lit up his eyes was impossible to ignore. Jo’s smile softened. “We’re having a baby….”

***

“I don’t know….should we?”

Jo overheard Matty ask as he paced his home studio with the door only halfway closed.

“I reckon we could postpone at least….”

She peered in. He was on FaceTime with George.

“Maybe we discuss this with….everyone, including Jamie, in the room. That way we’ll have a better idea.” George suggested. “Do they all know already?”

“Ross does. Hann didn’t answer so I left him a vague and cryptic message.” Matty paused the back and forth, finally settling in his desk chair. “Fuck! I’ve got to call mom! And dad!”

Those words were Jo’s last straw. She rushed into the room, snatching the phone out of his hand. “You will do no such thing!” She looked down at George through the screen. “Hey, George.”

“Hey, mate. Congrats on the baby!”

She was surprised by the new rush of excitement that hearing his congratulations had brought her. It was the first outside acknowledge of her motherhood. “Thank you!” She squealed, then, glancing at Matty, recalled the reason she’d barreled in here. “We’re not telling your parents. I can’t fuckin believe you’ve told the boys already!” She sighed. “Sorry, George.”

“No worries. I kinda can’t believe it either, if I’m honest.”

Matty frowned, leaning forward “why not?!”

“You’re meant to wait! Until after the first trimester!”

“Yeah, I know that, but why?”

Jo had began to speak, but George unknowingly cut her off

“Well- it’s usually when the risk of miscarriage is lower stuff…” he said matter-of-factly, recovering a weird look from Matty through the camera. “What? We went over this with Adam and Carly. Don’t you remember? You never pay attention to anything….”

Jo smiled, sitting in Matty’s lap so that they’re both in the FaceTime camera frame. “Sorry to interrupt your call but I think Matty and I need to have a little chat before….whatever this is goes any further.”

George nodded. “Understood. Hey, Matty, listen….in terms of the band stuff…whatever you decide to do is fine, honestly. Just let us know what you need. If you don’t wanna tour, we’ll sort it out.” Matty nodded, and waved goodbye, a silent cue that he was hanging up.

“What’s this I hear about you not wanting to tour?” Joe spoke as soon as she was certain that Matty had put his phone away.

“Jo, you’re pregnant!”

“I’m aware.”

Matty rolled his eyes. “I can’t just- get on a plane and fuck off to another country. New city every other day. No idea when I’ll be home again.”

He watched her face scrunch into a puzzled expression.

“Why not?”

His jaw dropped, shaking his head in disbelief. “Im not gonna miss all the doctors appointments and the- morning sickness and the- everything!

Jo was touched by his determination, not that she ever doubted that he would be anything less than all in. Still; seeing it written all over his face was overwhelming. “Matty-“

“No! He stomped his foot as he spoke. “I’m going to be a dad, now. I’ve got to- to rearrange my priorities. I’m not going to just leave you. No way. Alright?”

“Honey, don’t you think it’s a bit too early to be make decisions like this?” Her eyes looked into his, so Matty didn’t notice when she reached for his hand, he flinched, initially, relaxing to her touch slowly.

He took a deep breath, attempting to slow down his racing heart. “I- I would just- like to know what my options are. If…canceling tour is possible, or if, pushing it back a few weeks might be an alternative. I think….the sooner that I have all the information, the better for baby.”

“For- b-baby?” Jo’s lips involuntarily curled into a smile as she repeated his words.

“Mhm. Baby. As in….our child. Sophia if it’s a girl. Aiden if it’s a boy.”

Jo chuckled, heartily. “Sophia? Aiden? What the fuck, Matty?! We’ve only known about… ‘baby’ for like a few hours. You’ve already named it?”

“Jo, I’ve been naming our children since our first date.”

She rolled her eyes. “That kind of talk doesn’t work on me. I know all of your tricks.”

“And I still knocked you up! Ha! I win!”

Jo ran her hand through his hair. “Seriously, though, Matty. We are not naming our child ‘Aiden.’”

He looked at her with big sad eyes, “No Aiden? You don’t like it?”

“I hate it.”

Matty ducked his head, pressing his forehead to hers. “Fine. His name isn’t Aiden. No weird, artsy French names, though, okay?”

“Really?” She pouted, “but I’ve always dreamed of naming my baby boy Jacques.”

“No, you haven’t” Matty saw through her lie instantly.

She laughed, silently, her body shaking with his arms wrapped around her.

“See, Jo? I know all of your tricks, too.”

***

Jo’s arm felt around in the dark attempting to wrap her arms around her sleeping boyfriend. Instead, she was met with the cold bedding where Matty normally slept.

Half asleep, she turned the bedside light on and saw that matty wasn’t in bed.

Instead, she found him downstairs, in the middle of the hallway, standing on top of a ladder, with a screwdriver in his hand.

“Jesus fuckin Christ, Matty, it’s 2 in the morning!” Her eyes squinted, adjusting to the light.

“Oh” he spared her a quick glance, “hey, Jo.”

“‘Hey, Jo’ ? Really? Matty what on earth are you doing up there!”

“Smoke detectors.” He mumbled “first step of baby-proofing is smoke and carbon monoxide detectors.”

Jo exhaled, it was too late into the night for this conversation and she was tired. “And you’re…doing what exactly?”

“Checking to see if we have that.”

“Matty, this house is worth millions of dollars, I’m sure it’s got the right kind of smoke detectors.”

Matty shrugged, screwing the tip of the screwdriver into the nail. “I don’t know that for certain. I never thought about a child living here when I signed the stuff that got installed in here. I’m sure I thought ‘I’m never in here long enough to be poisoned by carbon monoxide anyway.’ So….”

“My love? Listen-“

“Think I’m gonna have to cancel tour.” He announced. “Postponing my flight isn’t enough. There’s no way I’m going to be finished baby-proofing before rehearasals week is over.”

Jo grabbed a hold of Matty’s leg, tugging on his joggers. “Matty- that’s it - that’s enough. Get down here. You’ve gone over to the crazy side. I need you to step down from there and come talk to me. Please.”

***

Jo brought over two mugs of chamomile tea, handling one to Matty before taking a seat next to him. “Drink it. It’ll help.”

“Thanks, darlin.” He kissed her.

She watched him blow on his drink for a moment, and take his first sip. “Matty, what’s going on with you? Why aren’t we both in bed right now?”

He looked down at his reflection in the tea, avoiding her eyes. “Just couldn’t sleep. So I figured I’d get started on some things. It’s a big deal, Jo.”

“Matty, you don’t have to do it all overnight, you get that, right? The baby isn’t even a baby right now. It’s a tiny cluster of cells! It takes 9 months for it to grow.”

“And I’d be gone for 9 months!” Matty raised his voice for the first time since Jo has met him. “Tour is 18 months at a time. So that’s enough time for a while fuckin human being to be made, and to almost turn a year old! If I can’t leave you knowing that you’re safe and prepared, then im not fuckin leaving! It’s not that hard to understand.”

She set her beverage down, placing her hands on his shoulders instead.

“You know I called some accountants today?”

“Oh?”

“To see about….a will.”

“Jesus fuckin- that’s morbid, Matty!”

“What? I’m just….being practical. If anything should happen to me. I- I want my kid — and you— to be all sorted….anyway, they- they said things would be a lot easier if we had a marriage certificate or whatever.”

Jo withdrew her hands, frowning. “I swear to god, Matthew, if this is your way or fuckin proposing-“

Matty giggled. “No, no! Cmon! I’m insane but I’m not THAT insane. I wouldn’t just…do it like that. I’m just saying….i do wish that our child could’ve been born into a marriage. You know?”

“Why does it matter?”

“It- doesn’t. Not really. Just- would feel more certain.”

She smiled, finally understanding. “I forget that you’re actually a tightly wound ball of anxiety sometimes.”

Matty chuckled.

“Very well, then. Let’s do it.”

“Do what?” He turned around to look at her.

“Get married. Right now. Let’s do it.”

“Right now? Jo- it’s the middle of the night, darling.”

“I know.” She rolled her eyes. “But we can still do it. Between us! The paperwork and the marriage liscence and all that is just legal bureaucracy. You’re rich. Your parents are rich. Baby will be fine with that stuff. So, that stuff aside….what is marriage if not a set of promises that we promise to keep together?”

Matty’s lips parted, but he had nothing to say. He remained speechless, eyes glued to her face.

“So, let’s make each other promises right now. You and me….and the baby. Let’s get married.”

“R-really?”

Jo giggled. “Yeah, if…if saying a promise will make it feel more certain, more forever….if it’ll get you to shut up and go to bed, then why not?”

Matty smiled, wide. “Okay, let’s fuckin do it! Baby and wedding in one day. I’m really doing it all, huh?”

***

She held his hands in hers, their fingers intertwined. “Who’s gonna go first?” She asked.

“Oh! I’ve got one!” Matty said, “I- promise….to learn how to check smoke detectors cuz….if I’m being honest I…had no idea what I was doing up there. I was just gonna crack it open and see if there was a YouTube tutorial that would explain it to me.”

Jo laughed, dramatically. Her head landing in Matty’ lap for a moment.

“Okay….umm…I promise to love you, even when you’re doing insane shit like looking up tutorials of essential safety measures at 3 in the morning.”

Matty brought her hand to his lips, kissing it. “I promise to talk to you first. Before I go off cracking open smoke detectors. I know- I know I tend to- go a bit insane without really saying anything. But we can’t have that. I’ll- be better about it. Promise.”

“I promise to give you grace and be more patient when you inevitably lose it again and start acting like a lunatic. I know you do it out of love. And it’s cute. So, I should just…go easier on you”

“It’s cute, you say?” Matty wriggled his eyebrows.

“Oh, stop that. You’ve already got me pregnant. You know I think you’re cute.”

Matty was surprised to feel himself blush. He laughed, softly, his head thrown back. Then, he straightened his back, looking serious all of the sudden. “I promise to teach our child how to love you right by setting an example for them every single day.”

“I promise to love you second most. Right after our child, of course.”

“I….find that a fair arrangement. May I kiss the bride now?”

Jo beamed at him. “Fuck yeah, you may.”

“I love you, Josephine.”

“I love you, too, Matthew.”

[cottagecoreismysaltlick]

Arlecchino’s story quest just revealed how old Lyney, Lynette, and Freminet are. (Spoiler kinda)

Tl;Dr: late 20s

“I wish Genshin would give us solid numbers for character ages!” Sometimes they do. And those numbers give us ages of other characters too, if you pay attention. And yeah, I know the Genshin community doesn’t like to read, but you don’t even have to do much reading for this.

And let me preface this. When you go through this much work to “justify” characters being adults some people will say it’s just “an excuse to sexualize minors”. No. This isn’t even about that.

This is about me being absolutely sick and tired with the teenagers with careers trope.

First of all, what we know:

Childe is the YOUNGEST of the Fatui Harbingers.

Childe woke up the whale when he was 14 years old, and that was 20 years ago. He is 34 years old.

Arlecchino became the Knave at 17 years old.

The Hearth siblings came to the house within a few months of Arlecchino gaining control.

Lyney and Lynette met a magician named Caesar who over 10 days, helped them hone their stage magic skills

Caesar died 10 years ago.

Toddlers can’t do street magic.

Honestly the last couple of points aren’t even needed, but they’re helpful to solidify this number. You’ll see.

Let’s do some basic Arlecchino math first.

Again, she’s canonically older than 34, but if you want her and the siblings to be as young as absolutely possible, we can start there. (Maybe she’s a few months older than Childe. Idk)

34-17=17

Absolute bare minimum, Arlecchino has been the knave, and the siblings have been in the house for 17 years.

And quite frankly, I don’t think the “kids” were embryos when they joined.

But now that we have a minimum, let’s get a maximum to cover our bases. I’m going to use the serial disappearances as a marker here, because given what we know about her she would definitely look into that sort of thing. So she can’t be much older than 37.

So, when did the siblings join the house?

First of all, let’s get a few facts from earlier involved. Cesar died 10 years ago. That means he died while they had already been in the house for 7-10 years (depending on Arlecchino’s age.)

And a widely overlooked fact that personally I think needs to be taken into account more often, is that TODDLERS CANT DO STREET MAGIC.

But I get it, this is an anime game. And for some crazy reason some fans are convinced that characters should be as young as they can possibly be.

So let’s be just, the most generous that I could possibly be here and say those kids right there are 6 years old (anime 6 year olds don’t act like real 6 year olds so I’ll give you that), and it’s been an EVENTFUL couple of months worth of mastering street magic, trauma, and joining the House of the Hearth.

6+7=13 13+10=23

So the absolute bare minimum you are being silly at this point age for the siblings is 23, and depending on how old you think Arlecchino is, up to 26.

Personally, I feel like Freminet can help us out here, but we’ll have to apply just a teensy tiny bit of real world logic if we want to get anywhere. So,

How old was Freminet when he was sent to the house?

Freminet was very close with his mother, he was incredibly skilled at fixing and building things, to the point where he would help bring in money for the family for a few years before he was dropped off at the house with the old Knave where he’d notice other children with depression who he’d seen kill themselves.

Now I ask you, does that sound like a toddler? If you’re going to look me in my eyes and try saying he was sent to the house at 5 or 6, when the earliest of memories are being DEVELOPED, you’re not just silly, you are high. There’s really only so much disbelief I can suspend here.

Let’s be generous and say he was 8 years old. You can still have your over developed anime 6 year old, but at least it gives a few years for him to have been tinkering and making happy little memories before the trauma.

Again, using the youngest possible Arlecchino age,

8+17=25

So baby brother Freminet is bare minimum 25 years old.

In conclusion, let’s use those concrete numbers here to make an age range for the House of Hearth siblings. (I could absolutely give you my personal head canon timeline, yes. Will I? Maybe if you ask nice. But this is about cold hard numbers)

You’re absolutely fucking kidding yourself here ages: 22 for Freminet and 23 for the twins.

Low end: 25 for Freminet and 26 for the twins.

Reasonable maximum (the oldest I think they could be in the flashback is 13) 32 for Freminet and 33 for the twins!!

[fckedupnerd]

Random Willy Wonka x Felix Fickelgruber headcanons

Under a cut because this post is LONG…

(Saying in advance that a few of these are heavily inspired by this fic https://archiveofourown.org/works/53223310/chapters/134678989 which I definitely consider to be the ‘gold standard’ for Felix/Willy fics, it’s amazing, definitely recommend reading it!!)

Felix loves taking Willy shopping and repurposes an entire guest bedroom (not just the closet but the whole room) into a massive outfit-display-suite for all of the new clothing he buys Willy

Felix has separate closets for his own clothing by occasion/type (like one whole closet for suits, another for ‘casual wear’ although knowing Felix it’s still not what most would consider casual, one for pajamas/robes, one whole closet for shoes, etc…). Willy finds this fascinating, as he’s never seen such excess before.

Willy stumbled one day onto a closet in Felix’s home filled with lingerie, heels, and even a few pretty slip-style cocktail dresses all in Felix’s signature green color. He mistakenly thinks Felix must have a wife or girlfriend that they belong to, and was upset by it. Felix then had to admit that they’re his, and that he occasionally enjoys wearing things that make him feel ‘delicate and pretty’. It’s a once-in-a-while think I headcanon Felix doing, just when he needs to feel particularly desirable or small, I think. In this particular headcanon/scenario, I imagine that Willy has never seen a man in lingerie before, and has never thought about it for himself, but he finds it curiously arousing and would at the very least like to experiment with seeing Felix in his lingerie, at least. I sort of imagine that Felix persuades Willy to try some on eventually also and that he loves it. They both have fantastic legs, so obviously I think they both end up enjoying wearing heels in the bedroom sometimes also.

I know others have definitely said this already but I share the headcanon that Felix definitely used his appearance/flirting to advance his career, especially when he was younger and starting out. Felix is fully aware that his physical desirability is an asset and he did perhaps ‘sleep his way to the top’ a bit.

I think Felix wants to protect Willy because Willy is so innocent, and Felix doesn’t want to see him get taken advantage of… whereas Felix willingly and knowingly used his sexuality to get where he wanted to be in life, I think Felix fears that Willy might not realize people’s intentions/desires all of the time, and Felix wouldn’t want Willy to end up in a situation he didn’t fully and knowingly want to be in so he’s protective of him in that way.

I think Felix feels like he could be a good, longer-term mutually beneficial (more like a regular/committed sugardaddy like in Otaku_girl’s fic linked above) partner for Willy, because Willy does need some strategic help to advance himself in the world, financially and otherwise, which Felix could provide.

I kind of headcanon that Felix may have had some less-than-positive experiences when he was ‘trying to get ahead’ with either some doms who were too rough/inappropriate, or just undesirable/unattractive to him, but he ‘did what he felt he needed to’. I think Felix *hopes* that he can save Willy from this by being very clear about consent, genuinely caring for Willy’s needs (not just financial but personally too), and he works very hard to be physically attractive as well as meticulously clean, so he hopes that he is the sort of person Willy finds genuinely appealing as opposed to someone Willy ‘tolerates’ (like Felix used to with some of his his doms/SD’s).

Willy is grateful for Felix’s financial support, he values the emotional and personal caretaking Felix provides for him too.

Also, Willy finds Felix far more attractive than Felix realizes… like, Willy absolutely would have been attracted to Felix even without his money, but Felix definitely has self esteem and self image issues that prevent him from believing that someone as young and beautiful as Willy would genuinely be into him without his fortune being at least some part of it.

I mean I think everyone knows I headcanon Eating Disorder Felix. I don’t think my actual headcanon for the character is quite as severe as I write it in my AO3 series… that’s definitely largely projection/therapy for me lol… but, my actual headcanon for the character is that he had a more severe eating disorder when he was younger, probably especially when he was trying to build his business and felt that being excessively thin would appeal/be attractive to older wealthy men who could help him. He is at a more stable place by the time we see him in the Wonka-film era, but I headcanon that he still has what he would call ‘issues with food’ where he knows he needs to keep himself healthy, but still struggles mentally and definitely has body image issues and struggles with being very judgemental about his own appearance and eating habits, as well as being judgemental of others.

I think he uses alcohol as a coping mechanism to make eating easier… again I am probably projecting here, but we do see him drinking (the other cartel members are not shown doing so), and early in my eating disorder recovery, I used to intentionally have a drink with meals because it would relax me enough to force myself to eat. I definitely think Felix at least drinks at the cartel meetings because he knows there will be food/chocolate around and he doesn’t want the others catching on that it makes him uncomfortable to have ‘unscheduled food’, so that keeps his mind off it enough that (he thinks) Arthur and Gerald don’t know about his past/lingering eating issues.

I also agree with Otaku_girl’s idea that Willy is probably too thin but because he forgets to eat and hasn’t had anyone to remind him/make him eat. I think Felix probably assumes it’s an ED, because people (like myself lol) so tend to project, and Felix really worries about how little Willy eats.

I think Felix eventually realizes that Willy doesn’t seem to have the body image problems that most people with ED’s do, so he figures out that it is more of a easily-distracted or not having access to food problem for Willy instead. But I think he still wants to fix it.

I think, just from my knowledge of how ED’s work, Felix like 95% wants to help Willy eat more and be healthier because he is genuinely worried for him and does honestly care. But I also headcanon that because of the lingering little bits of ED-brain in Felix there’s like 5% of him that is super triggered by Willy not eating/being too thin and so he also a little bit wants to fix it for his own benefit because it makes him struggle more to see that too.

I think Willy has suspicions about Felix’s attitudes and habits toward food/body image, and I think he cares/is concerned about him too… but I feel like every time Willy tries to bring it up, Felix deflects or changes the subject or insists that he’s fine because Felix is actually really ashamed of that part of his past and worried that Willy would judge him for it. Part of Felix knows it isn’t his fault that he was sick, but Felix worries that because Willy is too poor to have good food, and doesn’t even think about food or remember to eat most of the time, that he’ll think less of Felix if he knew that Felix actively tries to avoid food when he can. Like it’ll make Felix seem ungrateful or something. But of course it’s just Felix’s anxiety making him think that, because in reality Willy cares about Felix and would never be judgmental about something like that.

Okay, moving on from that topic for now… I think Felix is a HUGE SWITCH. He is both a top and a bottom and loves both, it just depends on his partner’s preferences, and what kind of mood he’s in at any given time.

My headcanon for Felix is that he’s basically just a sexual hedonist. His thing sexual philosophy is just… if it feels good, do it. I feel like he’s very adventurous and very open minded and has probably tried just about everything at least once.

I headcanon that Willy has only ever been a bottom in his (limited) sexual experiences so far

In fact I may even headcanon virgin Willy? Like, I think movie Willy gives major virgin vibes, I cannot imagine that he did anything other than make chocolate in his free time on the boat or anything. But my fic-writing, headcanon-based Willy might not be a virgin because I kinda don’t want him to be… so maybe he’s had a few experiences but definitely always as the bottom.

That being said, I have a headcanon (maybe it’s just a fic idea and not a headcanon but whatever) that Felix knows Willy is comfortable bottoming so that’s what they do but Willy learns that Felix also enjoys bottoming (maybe he just figured it out or maybe one of the other cartel members say something about it or something idk I haven’t worked that out yet), and so even though Felix would be perfectly happy to just do what Willy is comfortable with and be the top because that’s easiest, Willy all on his own decides he wants to surprise Felix by taking control one night and topping for the first time while Felix bottoms.

In my head, Willy is not exactly great at it and needs some guidance from Felix, so it’s not super hot the first time they try it, but Felix appreciates the effort and just finds it really endearing that Willy cared enough about him to switch it up

Also, I think that even though he’s understandably not the best at it his first time, Willy finds that he actually LOVES topping (don’t get me wrong he still loves bottoming too) but because he’s so innocent and sweet and polite and timid usually, he never gets to feel like he’s really ‘taking charge’… something about having control over someone really powerful and successful like Felix excited Willy in a way he hasn’t experienced before and I think he finds it really hot and definitely wants to do it again (and with more confidence each time)

Random weird little headcanon, Felix has custom made bath products (soaps, shampoos, etc) that are light green in color and have a very unique scent. Because of the green theme, Willy at first thought the scent could be like, pine or something, but he also knew that wasn’t quite right and it really bothers him that he can’t quite work it out, so one day he sheepishly asks Felix what exactly the scent is and Felix replies that it’s ‘money’. And Willy admits that he’s never actually held, let alone smelled, paper money so that’s why he didn’t recognize it. Felix then hands him some paper money, which Willy assumes he’s supposed to smell so after sniffing it he attempts to give it back to Felix who is very amused by it but says he meant for Willy to keep it.

The most random headcanon yet but I think Felix wears glasses at home. Maybe just readers, or maybe he actually needs them all the time but just wears contacts outside of the house. Genuinely don’t know where I’m getting that from except that I personally have a little bit of a kink for guys that wear glasses so I’m headcanoning it because I just want to. Also, I think it helps with the sugardaddy kind of image in my head and Willy would think they made him look distinguished and smart. Willy would tell him he should wear them in public, but Felix never would because he doesn’t think they fit his ‘image’.

Super random headcanon for Willy, I think he collects things, like he just has little trinkets from all of the places he went on his travels. I think he’s very big on sentimental value, and he likes keeping small memories of specific people or places. Like even when he says he got his trousers off a mailman in Minsk… presumably he knew that mailman pretty well, I sort of headcanon that neither of them obviously had much money, and maybe they’d really become good friends so they couldn’t afford to buy each other anything but they were similar sizes so they decided to trade some clothes as a way of ‘giving’ each other something to remember them by. I feel like Willy maybe did this a lot like just traded little trinkets and things with people he met, and that they all really mean something to him. I feel like when Felix buys Willy an entirely new wardrobe he doesn’t understand at first why Willy still wants to keep his old clothes even if he isn’t wearing them anymore, and maybe Felix worries that Willy wants to keep them as some sort of ‘contingency plan’ in case he wants to leave Felix. But then Willy explains that it’s because they have sentimental value, and even though Felix doesn’t think ‘sentimental value’ holds any real value at all, he is relieved that Willy isn’t planning to heave him, and he can see that it’s important to Willy, so he allows Willy to put them in a trunk in one of his storage closets for safe-keeping.

[comfortless]

"held back by a leash that no one’s ever thought to untie, constantly growling and leaping at anything that gets too close just to simmer down to whimpering and begging the second he’s pet just once" ??? 😩 This is so real and relatable (I'm crying in the corner of my room). Lord have mercy, I need to kiss every ridge and groove on your brain.

The way I giggled when you mentioned his fleshlight is crazy. I was actually thinking of saying something similar but then I decided against cause the message would've been too long. I was trying to decide if he would be the type of man to get one of those insanely realistic sex dolls. Maybe he felt particularly desperate to have something in his bed (something that can't just get their clothes and leave before he wakes up) or he would just be curious. If he actually got it, by being impulsive, now he has this thing in his house and kind of regrets it. Yeah, it's soft and doesn't look bad, but it definitely doesn't look like a real woman either. It gives him the uncanny valley effect and puts it out of sight for now. How would he even get rid of something like that? Is it recyclable?

I've got brainrot when it comes to this man, I know. I might start reading Letters to Milena by Kafka so I can yearn more accurately for a man that doesn't even exist. This time I have no nice poems to quote but I feel like Konig is very much Sleep token coded. Idk what type of music you like but their lyrics are yummy.

P. S. Your fics are like vitamin D + Omega 3 getting me through this shitty British weather with my sanity more or less intact. Lots of consensual kisses!

oh my gosh and you are more brazen than me because i thought the same, just… kept that to myself!

if he has the money why would he settle on some little silicone tube when he could at least have something to cuddle up with, too? it isn’t like he has visitors often (or at all), though there are some nights when he definitely feels pathetic and disgusting for having it: haphazardly shoves the doll in the closet and settles for his hand instead…

also much to ponder in regards to his impulse control…! for the most part, he probably considers himself to be pretty rational; reasons with every decision by thinking well, x happened so then comes y. his dating life is shallow at best and utterly devoid of anything at worst, it’s… reasonable that he would have some sort of outlet, even if he knows that buying the damned thing has basically sentenced him to never having any sort of stable relationship. if some sweet woman actually gave him more than just the time of day, if she actually wanted to be with him but… she sees that mimicry of a woman’s warmth lying in his bed? she’s either laughing at him or immediately making up some excuse to leave. and if that happens, then of course he’s got to find a way to get rid of it. he’s tossing it in a hole in his backyard or burning it. sorry environment. this is König’s world now and the sex doll can no longer be in it..!

he would never pull something comparatively ridiculous in his career, maybe a few mistakes here and there but he plays a character when he’s König. and König is all menace or indifference, never the pitiful thing that gets so wound up over his own purchase he’s got to destroy it at all costs. though in the time that he did have it… the soldiers around him are certainly aware that he had some ‘girlfriend’ he spoke rather highly of at home that always had her legs open for him. he never seemed in higher spirits, though…

Letters to Milena is sooo quotable for him. i will give you this one: “Auch ist es vielleicht nicht eigentlich Liebe wenn ich sage, daß Du mir das Liebste bist; Liebe ist, dass Du mir das Messer bist, mit dem ich in mir wühle.”

i have an entire ridiculous playlist that is just… all over the place with songs that remind me of him, perhaps i will give Sleep Token a chance and throw a few onto it! ^^ i am always looking out for König-coded songs… Never Land by Sisters of Mercy is possibly my favorite to suggest when it comes to him. <3 the full length is my go to but - a fragment encapsulates it almost as well!

burying you in a world of hugs right now, anon! pleeease send your weather my way! it is HOT here! your messages are vitamin C and a lovely cup of earl grey to me! <3 i am glad that you appeared!

[ursulanoodles]

Random Harvey Headcanons Pt.1

He was bullied as a child-- by his family and kids at school

Started his career in emergency medicine, but lost a patient and switched to the mundanity that is family medicine so he could focus on his hobbies and interests

Has autism (war planes, ham radio, and old medical journals are his special interests, though he hides them and tries to contain himself when someone mentions any of these things in public for fear of being judged).

His parents treated him very poorly and he has a lot of childhood trauma and insecurities because of it. He was made to feel like he was never good enough and they pushed him to do well in school. Burnout definitely contributed to him moving away from home.

When the farmer arrives in Pelican Town, it has been quite some time since he’s had any sort of romantic partner. I would say at least two years.

He’s definitely been dumped for being too nice.

He never touched coffee until his residency, but now he can’t get enough. He got very into different styles of coffee brewing and owns several different coffee makers including cold brew, French press, and pour-over. Despite what some might think, he doesn’t drink his coffee black and takes one cream and one sugar.

Loves a charcuterie board with his glass of wine.

Very tall-- we’re talking between 6′4″-6′6″ and he has to duck through just about everyone’s doorway in Pelican Town or he’ll smack his head.

Smells like cinnamon and warm spices (and coffee-- obviously)

His favorite kind of cookie is oatmeal raisin

Is very loving and protective in a relationship and will do anything for his partner, even if that means inconveniencing himself.

Has virtually no friends, though he does sometimes hang out with Elliott and Leah.

Makes his own pickles and likes them very garlicky.

The kind of guy who brings a book to a bar. He is genuinely not there to socialize, he just wants a glass of wine while he reads and he needed to get out of the house.

Comes from a little bit of money, but he has nothing to do with his family and does not take handouts from them. Despite this, he does have some expensive tastes and enjoys dressing well.

His favorite wine is a red zinfandel or he’ll go with a cabernet sauvignon if that’s not available. He does also enjoy white wine, Riesling being his favorite white.

Shaves with a straight razor

Wears a mustache to hide the fact that he has a baby face (though in my fic I gave him a small scar on his upper lip that he hides haha).

Is meticulous about his personal hygiene and appearance

Absolutely treasures his alone time

Has a temper that he hides very well

[abeautifulblog]

Hi! You said you could help talk me through feudal worldbuilding, and I’d love to pick your brain!

Absolutely! Probably easiest to hit me up over discord (I'm _gremble) and then I would be happy to talk your ear off. 🤣 My wheelhouse is very narrowly focused on mid 9th century England (re: what Anglo Saxon society/military/governance looked like when the vikings rolled up), and iirc, some of the features you mentioned being interested in are more the product of later medieval political structures. I cannot help you with those, but I can probably help with some of the overall mental shifts, because a lot of the things we take for granted in the modern era were just............ not the way things worked back then.

In particular, the word "general" in your initial ask jumped out at me, because it brought up one of the exact issues that I'd run into. The character I was working with had been presented in canon as "the king's top general" -- not those words, but definitely those vibes -- that he was The Guy In Charge Of The Army. Except as soon as I started researching military structures in that period, I found out that that's not how armies worked. When the king needed to go to war, he would call on all his top landholding nobles to round up a bunch of their dudes -- which would be a large number of armed peasants, and a smaller number of fulltime warriors -- and bring their portion of the army to bear.

But these various segments of the army remained under the command of their various lords, marching under separate banners. The lords, in essence, were the generals -- there's not one guy commanding the entire army as a single unit (except for the king, sort of), and there's certainly not any non-noble who doesn't own any dudes getting to call the shots and dictate strategy. Talented and successful warriors might well get rewarded for their service, and given land grants that would generate tons of money for them and put a large number of conscriptable peasants under their control -- and might have the ear of the king if they're known to be good at tactics -- but they don't have authority over anyone else's forces.

The politically neutral, career military guy that we think of when we hear the word "general," who has no independent power of his own but receives a paycheck from his higher-ups to command their men for them, didn't exist yet.

It's a bit of a paradigm shift, because we're used to the military as something separate, that's subordinate to civilian leadership and works in service to it, not for those to be one and the same. We're also used to a norm of strong nation-states with one centralized army, which was very much not the case throughout feudalism/manorialism -- at least in the Anglo Saxon period, power was decentralized and delegated, and being king involved a lot of herding cats wrangling your nobles, not exercising direct control. The king was the guy who could get the most other guys to back him up.

(In the same vein, early kingdoms also tended to be a patchwork of other, smaller kingdoms that retained a great deal of their own autonomy and identity. The modern nation-state that we're so used to, with a single national identity, is an astonishingly recent invention.)

Anyway, hands-down the most useful and eye-opening book I've read on the subject is Clifford J. Rogers' Soldiers Lives Throughout History: The Middle Ages. It's like $80 to buy (😭) but the pdf is on Anna's Archive, and it's invaluable. It is, essentially, a social history of medieval warfare -- most military histories focus on the politics of a particular conflict, or the technology and tactics involved, but this book is all about what life on the ground looked like. A+++ resource for anyone writing war and military logistics in a medieval (or medieval-flavored) setting.

[steddieasitgoes]

Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I’m Yours) | A Steddie Big Bang Fic | Shipping November 5th

Happy to announce that my @steddiebang fic (affectionally dubbed The Mailman Thing) will begin to be posted on ao3 on November 5th. I guess the post does come on Sunday's after all!

My artists @doomcheese and @strawberrysh0rk and my beta readers @valosomdraws and @ContrivedInk on Discord are all hard at work helping me bring this headache lovely fic to life.

We can't wait to share it with you! Enjoy this little sneak peak as a treat:

Eddie’s waiting for him on the porch when he parks Posty on the curb in front of the dragon mailbox. He’s dressed down again. A pair of sweatpants and a worn band shirt of sorts that the sleeves have been cut off of. His tattoos are on full display, and Steve can’t help but ogle them as he climbs up the steps. 

“Hope you’re hungry.” 

“I work up a big appetite delivering mail.” 

Eddie snorts, ushering Steve inside and towards the kitchen. 

It’s the second time Eddie’s snickered at Steve’s career choices, and he can’t help but bristle at the reaction. He doesn’t think Eddie is a condescending ass like his own father is, but Steve can never be too sure. There’s always at least one person who has a problem with his job, even though it’s an essential career choice. 

“How did you end up working for the post office, anyway?” Eddie asks, turning his back towards Steve as he scoops something into a giant bowl. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. It seems like a great job, but you seem too pretty for blue-collar labor.” 

Steve’s the one chuckling this time. Cheeks blushing upon hearing Eddie call him pretty again. That has to be a good sign, right? Maybe the Pride flag is his after all. 

“It started with a paper route, actually. My uh, dad told me to get a job, and the local paper was the only place that would hire me at thirteen. It sucked at first, but I started to love being outdoors and delivering things to people. It’s still one of the best jobs I’ve ever had, and when I moved out here, my best friend told me to apply at the post office,” Steve says, smiling fondly at the memories. “It’s not the same as being a paper boy, but it, uh, scratches that itch.” 

“That’s sweet,” Eddie says, spooning a bite of soup into his mouth. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone talk so fondly about their job before. And I work with artists all day.” 

“So you are an artist!” 

“I mean, I think so, but not everyone agrees.” 

Steve’s brows pinch in confusion. He’s about to ask Eddie to elaborate, but he doesn’t have to. Eddie seems to pick up on the visible confusion on his face. A surprising feat, considering Robin’s the only one who's ever been able to decipher Steve’s facial expressions. 

“M’tattoo artist.” 

“Must be some tattoo artist if you can afford a place like this on your own.”  

Eddie’s cheeks start to turn a familiar rosy color; thankfully, hives don’t follow. Instead, he reaches for a loose tendril of his hair and pulls it across his face. Hiding his blush from Steve’s line of sight. 

“I mean, I’m decent,” Eddie shrugs. “But uh, I also came into some money after a wrongful arrest when I was 18. Thought it was time to use the money for good instead of letting it collect dust under my bed.” 

“Well, you definitely made the right choice.” 

[apomaro-mellow]

Part 2

"Steve, that Byers boy is here for you.”

Steve was in the middle of clearing the dishes from breakfast when he heard. “Okay.”

“We’ll be back late tonight. Money for the landscapers is by the door.”

Jonathan came in just as the man walked out, brow furrowed. “Who the heck was that?”

“Uh, my dad?”

“Is you say so. Look, we gotta hash this thing out. No one else but Dustin was supposed to know.”

Steve leaned back against his sink. “Yeah but if we tell everyone we were lying, then we’re back to square one.”

“You’re back to square one. As I recall, this was a Steve problem.”

“Here’s the thing about problems, they can spread to other people. Like if Dustin continues to pester me about dating, maybe I stop being so generous with my car. Maybe those kids will have to hound someone else for rides.” Steve raised his eyebrows at Jonathan.

Jonathan rubbed at his face. “Everyone else is gonna know by now.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Yeah you will.”

---------------------------------

Eddie was in the middle of walking down the street, ignoring the dirty looks when who should he see, sipping milkshakes but the new set of lovebirds. He knew most people thought of him as shady so he had no shame ducking behind a mailbox to watch them from across the street.

To most, it definitely looked like just a couple of guys being pals. And before, Eddie would have seen it like that too. But now that he knew the truth about their relationship, he couldn’t help but read more into Steve’s smile.

And Jonathan seemed relaxed in a way that he only got when he was high. Just what in the world did they talk about when they were alone?

“I wanna go. And I wanna study photography. But like, how do I explain that to my mom?”

“You think she’s gonna fight you or something?”, Steve asked.

“No, not really. If anything, she’ll be mostly supportive. But unless you’re a big name, you can’t make a lot of money. And I know that’s gonna be her first thought. ‘How are you gonna pay your bills? Or tuition?’ That kind of thing.”

“I mean, personally, I wasn’t always a fan of your work. But if you have a dream, you should go for it. Even if you failed, at least you tried. I don’t even have...” Steve trailed off and swirled his shake around.

“Have, what?”

“Even if I could get into college, what would I even do?”

“Sorry man, I’m not a career counselor”, Jonathan said.

“You’re supposed to offer solutions and ways to help solve my problems. Some boyfriend you are.”

“Bring it up with the Better Business Bureau.”

Eddie bit his fist as he watched them. And things just went downhill after that. Whenever Steve and Jonathan were around, and they were surrounded only by their closest friends, they were holding hands. Or they were standing really close together, or sitting really close. And Eddie couldn’t stand it. It sort of felt like Jonathan had stolen his spot. But could he really claim something that he’d never had?

Meanwhile, Steve was putting up an impressive front but only because he was avoiding alone time with Robin like the plague. Which she could tell he was doing so she had no choice but to corner him. Her plan involved going into his room, stealing some of his hair products, and waiting.

And like clockwork, he realized he was out, went to the store, and Robin trapped him in aisle 6.

“Spill the beans, Harrington.”

Steve looked down at his basket of products, then Robin, and realized he’d been played.

“Robin, seriously? You know better than to mess with my hair.”

“And you know better than to keep secrets from me. Especially secrets like this.”

“Please tell me you still have my stuff and didn’t just dump it.”

“Of course I do. I’m not an evil witch.”

“Good.” Steve began to put the products back on the shelf. She may have been conniving, but at least she didn’t make him spend extra money. It was only when they were back in his car that she started the conversation again.

“You and Jonathan....makes zero sense. Especially since you’re straight.”

“Who said I’m straight? I’m allowed to appreciate guys.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner then? Hm?”

“Because!”, Steve shouted with fake indignation as he tried to stall for an explanation. “Because, I called one of your crushes a Muppet and I didn’t want you to tease me about Jonathan, okay?”

“Steven, I’m not a child. I don’t hold grudges like that. And Jonathan’s fine. Isn’t it weird though? To date the ex of your ex?”

“We’ve seen our fair share of weird stuff. Me and Jonathan don’t even make the top ten.”

“Point taken. So like...what do you like about him, I guess?”

Steve smiled at her attempt. “Are you trying to do guy talk?”

“Yes! I thought it might be doable since you’re gay but it’s still talking about dudes and I feel like I’m horribly out of my depth. How can you do girl talk so easy?”

“Well, I like both, so...”

“Bullshit.”

“How is that bullshit? I’ve dated girls and guys. Do you only like one kind of sandwich?”

Robin was quiet for a moment. “Just when I think I’m done discovering you, you get a little bit deeper.”

“I’m a man of many talents.”  

Part 4

[multiverse-imagines]

Just curious! I love the fics of Vash being in our world! So I’m just wondering, what kind of job or hobbies do you think he would have? I definitely think something with plants for sure! Or maybe animals!

I’m just curious on your take cuz that would be a cute fic too! Him getting his first job! Awe 🥹

Vash's career choices on Earth

In my little world, Vash decided to be a house husband. You make enough money to live generously, and although he hates being in your debt, he makes up for it by giving you the love you didn't receive as a kid, the one that made you a workaholic and can't take a goddamn break (atting myself here). He maintains the house, loves to try new recipes he finds online, and reads from the mountains of books in your library.

He loves gardening, swimming (once he finally learns how), and researching animals, plants, and places the two of you can travel to.

Now, if Vash were to get a job, it would be one that is probably close to your house, within walking distance, or close to a bus stop. Despite the "concrete jungle," as he puts it, (even if you live in a rural area) he still can't drive worth a shit.

There's a government agency for displaced interdimensional entities such as Vash, that helps them get proper paperwork, and I won't get into that right now, but the only reason he got his damn license is that after the 5th try, he didn't miss a driving instruction. The car, however, had eaten nearly seven traffic cones. The instructor issued him the license as a "in emergencies only" kind of thing.

He doesn't want to rely on you driving him everywhere. He finds a job doing something leisury like stocking shelves at the mom & pop grocery store, working at the local library, or at the local coffee shop down the block.

He only wants part time so he can spend more time with you, but he's big into volunteer work, and usually spends most of his off days at the local community Kitchen, the animal shelter, helping the city plant trees, sorting food at the food bank, and helping with fundraiser events for local youth groups.

He makes a lot of friends, and is always beloved by those he works with. The children he works with will always stop him to say hi in public, and he's always stopping to help that little old lady across the street.

Now hobbies are a whole new ball game for Vash. With unlimited past times at his disposal, he becomes a jack of all trades quite easily. Mending clothes was always a must before, but now he can create his own clothes with an endless catalog of fabrics found at the local craft store.

He makes clothes that fit well against his prosthetic arm, and keep too many scars showing while keeping cool in the summer heat. He now also makes clothes that fit his form instead of the baggy clothes he's used to. He still makes them pretty baggy anyway to hide the occasional metal pieces holding his body together.

He likes sports like baseball, basketball, and roller skating, though he's still a little clumsy. He loves to watch anime with you, and enjoys Bleach, (because of the shared voice actor), The Way of The House Husband (because he's also a simp for his partner), and Fullmetal Alchemist (though he cries at every death in both Bleach and FMA) he plays video games that are mostly relaxing like animal crossing, pokemon, and some fighting games like Blazblue and Capcom's fighting games.

[seresinsbabe]

Conveniently Yours

Pairing: Jake Seresin x fem!reader

Synopsis: In a desperate attempt to pay for your mom's cancer treatment you take a job as a dancer at one of NYC's prestigious strip clubs where you meet Jake Seresin who just happens to need a wife.

Warnings: Allusions to cancer and cancer treatment, nothing real bad in this chapter tbh

Word count: 2.8k

A/N: This took longer than I planned but you can thank the holiday for that one loves.

I do not consent to having any of my work shared on any other platform. If you see any rendition of my works on another site know that it has been posted without my permission.

Prologue | Masterlist | Next Chapter

“Sapphire! You’re up next! And then I want you out on the floor.” Mickey poked his head into the dressing room, his eyes locked on you.

It had been one month since you landed the job. You’d been doing some form of dance your entire life, and when things were easier you’d done some pole dancing classes. Still, you weren’t even sure you were going to land the job, despite Natasha telling you that you would. As always the woman had been right and much to your surprise you were hired on the spot. Which was actually a huge relief. Without this job you knew there would be no way you’d be able to even come close to affording your mom’s chemo treatments.

Birdie had high profile patrons. Everyone knew it was a strip club, or well a gentleman’s club, but it catered to New York’s finest, old money and new money alike. In less than a week you’d manage to earn nearly all of the money needed for one round of treatment. You’d nearly cried out of joy as you paid. 

Ellen asked you how you managed it, but you just told her you’d been pulling tons of hours at your waitressing job. Both of you knew she didn’t believe you, but Ellen seemed content not asking any questions. She trusted that you weren’t doing anything illegal to get the money and that if you needed to tell her you would. All that mattered was she was getting the treatment she needed.

It was busier tonight than normal. Several unfamiliar faces in the place. Then again, you were still so new that unless they were some sort of celebrity they were all unfamiliar. And even still there had been a few celebrities that you didn’t recognize until Nix had pointed it out to you. 

You caught your reflection in the mirror as you adjusted your wig. It was your own way of securing your identity from these people. To make you feel like you were still somewhat in control of your life. Natasha had been trying to get you to work with her ever since she started at the club. She’d even tried to get you to audition with her, but you didn’t want to. It wasn’t that you looked down on the career, it had done wonders for Nat, but it had never been for you. For the most part you were a little on the shy side. Going on stage practically naked to dance for strangers was definitely out of your comfort zone. 

It had been Nat who suggested the wig, and while it didn’t hide your face it definitely helped you feel a little more concealed. Speaking of, Nat, or Phoenix as close friends and the club patrons called her, walked over with a soft smile. Her forehead beaded with sweat from the performance she just gave.

Both of you nodded and you pushed out the door to the stage entrance. Your stage name was called as the opening notes to Daisy began. It was getting easier and easier to go through the motions of your routines, to block out any insecurities that might crop up mid performance.

It felt like the best performance you’d given so far. The stage was littered with money and you knew tonight was going to be a big earner just from stage routine alone. 

Your song was coming to a close when you just happened to look out into the crowd and spot a pair of green eyes zeroed in on you. So much so it was a little unnerving, mostly because you couldn’t read him.  You couldn’t figure out what the look in his eyes meant. It was different from the way the other patrons looked at you.

The song ended and you collected what money had landed on stage, spotting several large bills among it all. 

“Hey Sapphire, eighty-six the floor work. You’ve been booked in a private room the remainder of the night.” Your eyes went wide as you looked at Mickey. You’d never been booked for a room all night. Maybe just for an hour or two tops, but all night? Not only was that uncommon, but it was pricey. Depending on the room it was a minimum of five hundred an hour, and that wasn’t including the minimum tip for the dancer. 

You looked around, trying to find Natasha but she must have already been out on the floor. Your hands suddenly felt clammy. This was up close and personal, this was just you in a private room surrounded by patrons with a lot of money. It had to be a group of men, you couldn’t imagine one of the patrons with that much money would book you out of all the dancers here.

Mickey told you which room to go to and he made it out that it was imperative you got in there as quickly as you could. The room was on the upper level of the club and it was the most expensive one the patrons could get. It was the one that guaranteed the most privacy. 

On the walk up you’d prepared yourself for a group of men, but when you stepped inside you were greeted with the same green eyes you’d seen on stage.

Jake wasn’t a stranger to clubs, or to Birdie really. He’d been here plenty of times, booked a private room once or twice, but never for the reason he had tonight.

Ever since that initial meeting where the apparent need for him to find a wife was brought up it seemed Cain had been out to make Jake’s life a living hell. Apparently Cain and Simpson had both gotten to his father. George Seresin seemed to agree that it was time for his son to settle down. After all, his daughters had all been married off, or were close to it. Jake was the only one his parents hadn’t managed to successfully set up.

Not that they hadn’t tried over the years. His mother had thrown woman after woman in his lap. Sometimes Jake gave them the time, mostly winding up in his bed for a night, but never anything with feeling. 

He was afraid if he didn’t find someone soon that Cain and SImpson would get the company. That they would successfully convince his father that Jake’s escapades were ruining the company image.

It had been a particularly long week and while Jake hadn’t intended on spending his night at Birdie that was exactly where he’d ended up. The dancer’s weren’t helping him feel better in the way they usually did. He’d just been about to leave when you stepped on stage. For whatever reason he was drawn to you. An idea started forming in his head.

Jake didn’t bat an eye at the money he was spending when he booked you for the rest of the night. He was rehearsing what he was going to say to you when you walked in. He could tell you were nervous. You were new, he could tell from the look on Mickey’s face when he asked for you.

Jake couldn’t understand why. You were beautiful and you knew what you were doing on stage, new or not. Sensing your nervousness now he could tell your confidence on stage wasn’t something that transferred to other aspects of your life.

In an attempt to hopefully soothe you he poured two glasses of champagne, handing one to you.

Drinking at work wasn’t something you normally did. The other girls you’d seen doing it, but you never really did. But you were booked for the full night, which meant you wouldn’t be going back on stage. From your few other times in a private room and the stories from the other girls dancing wasn’t always what took place in these rooms. That more often than not the men who paid for these rooms would use their time with the dancers as some sort of tell all therapy session after a few too many.

Against your better judgment you took a sip of the champagne, your eyes staying on the man before you. 

He was beautiful and you were certain you’d seen his face somewhere before. You just couldn’t place it. Not that it really mattered, you would only know him within the confines of this club.

The only sound in the room was the music playing through the speakers. No words had been exchanged between the two of you and that was fine. Two of his fingers curled, calling you over and you obeyed, stepping towards him.

He didn’t need to tell you, you knew what he wanted. Your legs straddled him and you started the dance. It didn’t take long for his hands to find purchase on your hips, leaving a burning sensation that didn’t hurt but felt…good. Unnervingly good. 

More drinks were consumed as you danced on him, a word yet to be spoken. You didn’t know how many songs had passed when you finally heard his voice. Smooth and enticing.

“What’s your name?” “Sapph-” he cut you off, shaking his head.

“No, your real name.” You paused your movements, looking down into his eyes from your spot on his lap. It wasn’t the first time a patron had asked what your real name was. It was however the first time you’d told one your real name. He hummed in what seemed like appreciation. “That suits you much better.” A heat crept up into your cheeks at his comment. 

Here this beautiful man was, holding you in his lap after paying for your time and giving you compliments you weren’t used to hearing in a strip club. His hand reached up, lightly tugging on your wig and asking to take it off. You weren’t sure what had you reaching up and pulling out the bobby pins that had it in place, but something did. The man pulled it from your head, tossing it to the side and then starting to undo the braids your real hair was in.

“It’s only fair that I know your name.” You countered, feeling a little more bold in your words. Something you were chalking up to the amount of alcohol you’d consumed.

His movements paused and his brows furrowed in confusion. Like he didn’t know why you were asking what his name was. “Jake. Jake Seresin.” He murmured. His hands went back to undoing the braids, brushing through your hair softly.

Your stomach flipped upside down and you felt immediately nauseous at the realization of who’s lap you were sitting in. Keeping up with pop culture or the tech world wasn’t high on your list of priorities, but you knew that name. Everyone knew that name. And here you were, sitting in his lap while his hands ran through your hair.

There must have been a look on your face because he started to chuckle softly. “Doing alright there sweetheart?” It was clear he enjoyed pulling that kind of reaction out of you.

“Jake Seresin paid for me all night?” You phrased it as a question, but you were really just asking yourself out loud as you still tried to process it all. It made him chuckle again.

He shrugged, his hands dropping back to your hips. “I was about to leave when I saw you on stage, something about you called to me.” He said it so easily, like smooth talking women was something he was used to. From the few tabloid exposes about him you knew he’d had his fair share of women.

Other women you were sure would feel confident in knowing that, but for it only made you feel more insecure. You could never measure up to the caliber of women he was used to having. Yet here you were.

“You don’t look like the type to do this job.” He mused, brushing a lock of wavy hair out of your eyes. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re beautiful and talented, but I can tell this isn’t what you wanted for yourself.” It unnerved you how he managed to come to that conclusion about you so easily. You didn’t think you were that easy to read, but maybe you were. “So tell me why you’re here.”

This was heading in the direction of a therapy session and you weren’t sure you wanted to dive into deep detail about what drove you into this job. Especially not with Jake Seresin. He was probably just asking to be nice. Then again he didn’t have to ask at all. He paid for you to dance for him, there was no reason for him to ask about your personal life other than the fact he wanted to know.

You hadn’t even realized you decided to tell him until you started talking. “Just a long series of bad luck.” You attempted to keep it vague, not wanting to reveal too much. “Forced my hand to work here.” Jake’s eyes stared back at you, like he was seeing into the depths of your soul trying to figure you out. 

Finally he let out a sigh and shook his head.

“What if we made it equal? For everything you share, I’ll share?” Jake knew he hadn’t to be smooth about this whole thing. Why he felt you were the one to offer this to – he wasn’t sure. There were plenty of women that he knew already he could ask this of. Ones that would easily accept, but when he saw you he just knew it had to be you. 

Several thoughts swarmed in your head as you contemplated what he said and finally you nodded. That seemed fair, especially given that any dancing was long forgotten. You’d long since settled in his lap. You didn’t even mind the way his fingertips massaged your hips. And Jake was enamored with how soft your skin felt. 

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-eight. You?”

“Thirty-three. How long have you been a stripper?” The questions continued on, basic like this, but slowly they got deeper. Both of you revealing more and more about what in your life brought you two to this exact moment. 

There was a look in his eyes as you recounted the series of sad events that forced your hand. “I couldn’t just give up on saving my mom, so I called Phoenix, she got me an audition and here I am.” It was a wild notion, you sitting here spilling your sob story to this man. You didn’t even know why he wanted to know all the things that made his hired stripper tick. “And what brought the world’s most eligible bachelor to Birdie tonight?” By this point the two of you were stretched out on the leather couch, Jake cradling you in his arms as if you two were long time lovers.

“The bachelor part,” he sighed a little frustratedly. “Apparently it’s bad for the company’s image. They want to force me to get married.” Jake was startled momentarily by the belly laugh you let out.

It took you a moment, but eventually calmed down enough to speak. “I-I’m sorry it’s just so funny,” another round of giggles stopped your words. “They’re mad at you for being a bachelor so you came to the most bachelor-esque place. Little ironic, no?” This time it was Jake’s turn to laugh and you joined him shortly.

“Marry me?”

The words sobered you up immediately. You pulled away from him, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed. He wasn’t serious, right? It was the alcohol talking, it was a joke. It had to be. Jake Seresin wasn’t asking you, a stripper, to marry him.

“Jake…I-what?” 

“Hear me out, it won’t be a real marriage. I mean legality wise it’ll be real…emotionally? Nothing.” You were still confused and he could read it on your face. “You help me by giving me a wife to convince the company’s board and I’ll help you pay for your mother’s treatment. Then once everything is in the clear we can have an amicable divorce.” It sounded fucking crazy and Jake knew that. Because it was a crazy offer. In his head it didn’t sound as bad, but speaking it out loud and watching your reaction made him realize just how bad it sounded.

You didn’t know how to respond. It would certainly keep you from having to work here and that alone was enticing. Were you really ready to play the role of wife to a man of his status? 

“Just think about it, that’s all I’m asking. I’ll leave you with my contact information and you can let me know tomorrow your decision?” It was now that you realized your time was coming to an end. The club was open twenty-four seven, but your shift was ending. 

Jake pulled a business card out of his wallet and a pin out of his suit pocket. He scribbled his number down on the back of it, one that must have been his personal cell number. “Our time is up, but I look forward to hearing from you.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead and then he was gone. Leaving you in your pleaser heels and skimpy outfit complete with a dumbfounded look on your face.

@love2write2626 @cherrycola27 @chaoticversion @3in1shampooconditionerbodywash @alldaysdreamers

[ravenbloodshot]

Cillian Murphy (Actor)... Pet Peeves Reading (sort of)

Could be a pretty impatient (go go go) type of man so he doesn't like when ppl are in his way, in his walking path. But also career wise (in his way) or in anything else he's set his mind to do. He likely tunnel visions when he's focusing on a task or work so if you were to get in his way during that time he might literally nudge you out the way or speak bluntly/aggressively to you until you get lost

He hates ppl that believe the world revolves around them (I heard "snarky bitches"). I definitely feel this energy is directed at prissy ass celebrities that walk around like their blood doesn't run red like everyone else (celebs that have a superiority complex and view themself higher than regular ppl. I also lowkey think he doesn't like to hang around celebs outside of work/events. He could surround himself with a lot of normal ppl, maybe even the type to disguise himself and go to regular clubs/bars just to converse with non celebs

I don't know what's going on but this guy's energy is strange (not in a good or bad way). It's just that his energy seems to want me to ask him about his personality or just ask things that go a little deeper about him (its like when you meet a talkative stranger that's lonely and as soon as you strike up conversation with them they won't quit talking). So guy's, I'm going to follow his lead and switch to a personality reading on him since he seems to want that.

He's quite childlike and innocent, very careless and a freedom seeker so he can find himself in trouble and can't get himself out of it (calling his family, manager etc. .. to help him out of his mess even when he's been warned beforehand not to do certain things). He can be a bit too trusting of ppl and doesn't have enough boundaries set against ppl who wish him no good. He's like a guy that befriends a homeless person (not exactly a bad thing) but if that person had bad intentions, he would never notice it or put two and two together to why money in his wallet keeps going missing and other things of that sort

He's a very creative man with a lot of self confidence in his skills, looks and abilities. He knows very well what the public wants from him and he's self assured that he can constantly meet their expectations (even exceed it). I've never watched the show Peaky Blinders but I think the character he played has a similar personality to him and I mean that for his good + bad qualities. Because I'm also seeing a temper that rolls deep, like a destructive temper in which he doesn't care what he says or what he does. He just wants to get back at whoever pissed him off. He could have a problem letting things go especially slights against him

He's a very romantic and loving man that knows how to charm and bring that ultra passion in romantic relationships but he could also use his charms on everyone (likely unintentionally since his Venus in Taurus just makes him a naturally flirtatious man) but he could make a lot of ppl want him, damn near do anything to be with him

I do see he's quite bossy and pushy, doesn't really take no for an answer (a card came out saying "Shut your mouth and listen"). I think when he commands ppl, they tend to listen not just because of who he his but his voice may carry power (especially when he's bossing ppl around)

Yeah this guy is very bossy, he's used to being listened to and having things his way, and he definitely got his way with the direction of this reading lol. It's like his energy was like "Nah, don't ask me about that. Take a deeper look at my personality instead" and it didn't feel like he was asking but that he was telling me

Roll Deep by Hyuna is a song that fits this readings energy

[ladyandthewalrus]

Social Class and Income Levels of IDV Characters

I’m back again with a long, intensive IDV post, this time regarding the quality of life most of Identity V’s characters would likely have led before coming to the manor. This list is not definitive and is based on a little guesswork in some areas, and also doesn’t include every single character, as I couldn’t find relevant information for every career, but I think provides an interesting look at character backgrounds, the sorts of resources they would have access to, and what life was like in the 1890s.

This post assumes that the vast majority of the characters live in the United Kingdom and that most of them were born there. As discussed in an earlier theory post, Oletus Manor is 100% in England and the DeRoss Couple and their daughter were English aristocrats. It also refers to fairly readily available information that can be found in various characters’ deduction systems, seasonal events, background and official videos, and birthday letters.

Lots- and I mean LOTS- of info below. 

First, a few notes about the class system in the late Victorian United Kingdom:

- Class was highly stratified, and moving up the social ladder was extremely difficult.

- Class was not necessarily just tied to income. Upbringing, family background, etc were just as large a determinant, which is why you might have an impoverished aristocrat with tons of property but no income who would still be welcome in elite social circles, whereas an up-and coming business owner bringing in £3,000/year would be shunned. Class was who got invited over to dinner; class was whether or not you’d been educated, and if you had to work with your hands.

The Upper Class/Aristocracy/Nobility:

- The top of the class system under the royal family (boo). Men might hold political positions, but members of this class would not have careers, as such. These characters likely have a passive income from investments or land owned and generational wealth. hey own one or more homes and employ extensive live-in household staff, including maids, butlers, drivers, cooks, gardeners etc.They can travel widely and partake of various entertainments, having time to cultivate talents in the arts.

Mary: She is, or believes herself to be (??), Marie Antoinette, an Austrian princess and the Queen of France. Antoinette was infamous for her lavish lifestyle and voracious appetite for fashion.

Joseph: He is referred to as a Count, but French nobility does not actually use that exact title. It’s possible he is a Comte, which is the equivalent of an Earl/Count in England. Either way, this is a middle of the ranking noble title. In the 2021 Christmas Event, he mentions his family owning several manors, so the Desaulniers family has, or had, a considerable amount of property.

An interesting thing that makes me wonder if his family’s wealth is depleted is that he consistently dresses in extremely outdated clothing, but I believe that speaks more to his sentimental obsession with the past than anything else.

Chloe/Vera: The real Vera had the capital to open a store front to sell Chloe’s perfumes. There is no mention of either daughter working prior to this, and the family employs several maids. Presumably, Chloe’s perfumes were a good money maker, as the 1890s marked the “Golden Era” of perfume production and sales. It is unusual, but not impossible, that an upper-class woman would own a business.

Melly: A successful social climber who began as a maid before marrying her employer, who owned a manor. She is well educated, to the extent she has been invited to lecture at a college or university.

Edgar: Edgar does not paint to generate income. His family was able to afford a long-term art tutor for him, and he is not interested in the prize money offered by the manor because his family’s wealth is more than sufficient. He is squarely in the aristocrat category, and enjoyed a lifestyle most of the other characters could only have dreamed of, at least in a fiscal sense.

Galatea: Another individual who pursued art as a passion or hobby rather than actual trade.This would simply not be realistic for anyone outside the upper classes.

Memory/Alice DeRoss: Her father possessed the title of Baron. Her mother is depicted in TOR with an upper-class English accent. Her parents own Oletus manor, which they were able to purchase, and employ two known servants (Burke and Bane). Running such a large estate would require an army of maids, cooks, gardeners, etc, who are not directly mentioned but implied.

Keigan: In her background video, we see her family in very formal dress at a large, lavishly set dinner table. Her brother holds the position of judge at a major court, which brought with it a great deal of respect and import. The average clerk made very little money, but it’s implied she is acting as his unofficial assistant/helper due to sisterly obligation, and does not want for money.

Jack: a bit of conjecture, but Jack at least played at being an artist, and takes on the role of a gentleman. It does not appear he needed to work to support himself.

Annie: Her father is a painter of some note, and her mother was a noted society beauty who left her a considerable inheritance that her father and fiancé conspired to get their hands on.

Luca: A fallen aristocrat with a mother of noble birth. His interests include piano, books, and experiments, all of which point to a privileged upbringing. Only someone with resources could run experiments and futz about with specialized equipment, which is why so many scientists from past eras came from upper class or even noble backgrounds. His father, Herman, blew through their fortune, and after Luca’s incident with Alva, he would not be a socially accepted individual.

The “Educated” Middle Class:

-Individuals or households with an income up to around £1000/ year. The wives do not have to work, but see to the home (oversee staff) and partake in social obligations, plan parties, and help educate the children in the arts. Daughters may become teachers or governesses if they don’t marry or prior to marriage, or in wealthier families, not work at all. They own their home and have live-in staff, such a cook and maids. ( see model yearly  budget for a man making £700/year here.) Vacations, domestic and abroad, and high-end entertainments are accessible. They have some time for hobbies, and probably play a musical instrument if also from a culturally upper-middle class family, such as a piano, violin, harpsichord, etc. Guitars, flutes etc would not be counted here, as they are more “common” instruments. These individuals might move in some of the same social circles as the aristocracy.

Emily: A well established Doctor working in a city hospital could expect to make up to £1000/ year, putting them at the upper end of the middle class. However, an independent Doctor would make much less, and in rural areas, would often be paid in food or services. Given Emily’s difficulties keeping her clinic open, she lingers in the border between being a member of the middle class “culturally”— we know she came from a middle class family and is educated— but she struggles with money and lacks for stability like some of the folks in the lower middle and many in the working classes. Despite a low income, her education would mean she’d be welcome in polite society.

Freddy: A top-payed Lawyer could make £1,200/ year, but Freddy is a bit of a failure. His actual financial status cannot be determined, but he is, like Emily, culturally middle class due to his education and white-collar job.

Aesop: Aesop Carl? relatively loaded, actually. The Victorian era was great for the funeral industry. The elaborate rituals surrounding mourning meant that those in adjacent careers were always busy, and it was fashionable to send off a loved one in great style. The lower classes imitated the lavish funerals of the wealthy, often bankrupting themselves in the process, because it was considered shameful to be unable to lay someone to rest properly, and reputation and respectability were of vital importance in the Victorian United Kingdom. 

As with today, there was an outcry about the funerary industry driving up prices and taking advantage of grieving people to line their pockets even more.A nice funeral, modest but respectable, cost about £11, and embalming services were an additional £10. A funeral with all the bells and whistles would fall at £21. A skilled Embalmer is capable of tending to several corpses in a day. Even if Aesop and Jerry only handled 50 corpses a year, they’d be making £500.  A modern mortician handles about 150 bodies a year, so that’s a cool £1500/year for them. This would mean a nice house with a garden, a maid, and a cook at the very least, presuming Jerry risked having staff around that could possibly catch him on his bullshit. (Though I guess he could just kill them too and replace them with someone who didn’t know better. Fucking Jerry). At least even if he was emotionally starved and groomed into becoming a murderer, he was still eating well, could have nice clothes, and take vacations? 

Another downside though is that then as is often true now, people did not want to socialize with someone who worked closely with dead bodies, and funeral industry workers were often ostracized, making his position here a little tenuous. 

His mother’s family appears to have been upper or middle class, as suggested by Aesop’s dance emote, in which he performs a pirouette. Ballet was an upper-class entertainment, and formal dance training would not be accessible to children of poorer families, and I doubt Jerry was enrolling him in a lot of extracurriculars, meaning he must have learned while still in his mother’s care.

Jose: A First Officer could make around £900/ year. His family was employed by the Queen, and once had a stellar reputation. Although sailors worked with their hands, a high-ranked officer on a ship was seen as fairly respectable.

Orpheus: Some conjecture here. Orpheus is, like Melly, someone who successfully moved up the social ladder, first being adopted by the aristocratic DeRoss couple and then making a name for himself as a novelist. His Survivor version is well-dressed in neat white clothes that would require maintenance and be antithetical to manual work that would dirty them.

Luchino: As a professor, he is educated and respectable, even if his methods are unconventional and his manner of dress hardly appropriate for the classroom.

Alva: He was a student together with Luca’s father, Herman, at an institute of higher education, meaning he is most likely from a family who could afford the expense of educating him.

EDIT: @ivy0309 pointed out that in the Mandarin version of Alva’s first deduction, the language states he comes from an impoverished place, meaning he was probably granted a scholarship and is another case of a successful social climber.

Ann: Ann’s deductions mention she wore exquisite and ornate mourning clothes after the deaths of her parents, suggesting her family had the money for funerals with pomp. She is also left land and at least two houses after her father’s passing.

Manually Laboring Middle Class:

Income wise these careers are middle class, being able to net £1000/year, but there was a difference between enjoying a good quality of life and being socially accepted. Iif you worked with your hands, no matter how skilled you were, you were still a laborer and seen as lacking in culture.

Tracy: A clockmaker made up to £400/year, which jumped to £840/ year if they also worked on watches as well. Her father, Mark, would have netted them enough money to fall into the working middle class, and this is before Tracy’s mechanical genius became evident. If Tracy’s life had gone differently, it is possible she could have become what was known as a Master Mechanic, a skilled worker who could earn £1000/ year, guaranteeing a high standard of living. 

Demi: As a Barmaid alone, Demi would make about £150/ year, which would be difficult to survive on; however, she and her brother own their establishment. Their bar could make about £1000/ year, giving them a comfortable life in terms of amenities, but Barmaids were not respected and often suspected of being easy; many young women in major cities who worked in shops and restaurants took up sex work to supplement their meager incomes.

Leo: At one point appears to have owned two factories, both his initial textile factory and the doomed arms factory. 

More or Less Stable Working Class

Emma: A gardener would make, at a maximum, £400/ year, and a young gardener like Emma would certainly not be able to earn that much. In her previous life as Lisa Beck before Leo made a bad investment, she was likely very comfortable, as Leo did own a presumably successful textile factory. She may be especially nostalgic for her childhood with her father because her situation changed drastically very rapidly, going from living in a pleasant environment with two parents, plenty of toys, good food and clothes/household with a steady income, to being placed in a Victorian orphanage and eventually becoming a manual laborer.

Helena: She wishes to attend college, but cannot afford to do so. We aren't exactly sure what her father does for work, but he is likely in the working class, as many middle class families could reasonably afford to educate at least one of their children, and Helena is, to our knowledge, an only child. They seem to have enough money to provide her with certain accommodations, like spectacles and her cane, though these may have been gifts from Sullivan.

Kevin: the lifestyle itself would be rough, but he could make  around $480/year (sorry for the currency change, but he lived and worked in the USA, and England did not have cowboys).

Bane: A game keeper often had a relatively low income and would by that definition actually fall into the below category, but housing was almost always provided to men who held this job, taking a stressor off his plate. Steady employment/staying at a position for several years was also common, providing general stability.

Working Class and Extremely Poor:

-Families or households often struggling to scrape by on under or around £300/ year, sometimes with individuals making as little as £25/ year. A frugal family at the top end of this budget would overlap with lower middle class and would be able to employ a maid, putting appearances first and sacrificing other luxuries. There is less money for entertainment, and almost all of the income goes to food and housing. Little or no savings. The vast majority of the population falls in this category because things never change, with only 7.7% of workers making £340 or above, and 42.9% £192 or under.

Norton: Coal miners earned around £260/ year. Norton was looking for gold and gems, but it’s safe to assume his standard of living would have been about the same as a coal minder. Compared to some jobs, this wage may have seemed decent, but mining was brutal and incredibly dangerous. Miners typically lived in housing camps operated by mine owners, and had to buy their daily essentials from in-camp stores and commissaries. 

Victor: I had to conjecture a little here, but senior postal service employees were making around £200-300/ year, and newer employees a starting annual wage of £90 so we can guess Victor falls around here as well. We also do not know about his family’s class background.

Andrew: Andrew probably wishes he really was a Train Conductor. In that job, he could have made £900/ year, granting him membership the middle class. Being a Grave Keeper or Grave Digger was an awful job, physically demanding and badly compensated. Cemeteries often stank of rotting bodies, and Grave Diggers had a low social standing because they worked so closely with corpses. I could not find concrete information about how much he would have made, but it would definitely fall below the £300/year mark that is the ceiling for entry into the lower middle class, given that the other Survivors with physical/ unskilled labor jobs seem to peak at the £200ish range.

Worth noting though not necessarily tied to class is the common misconception that Andrew is illiterate, which he certainly isn’t. His dedications include a diary entry he wrote in which he tries to justify to himself his bodysnatching activities, and he also received letters from Percy’s assistant. He might have a little trouble with small print due to his bad eyesight, but he can absolutely read and write. Most people, even the poorer classes, were at least somewhat literate in this period in the United Kingdom.

Outsiders/I Have No Idea

-These are characters with either extremely vague and mysterious pasts or who have extremely unconventional professions.

Patricia: A Voodoo practitioner, it is unclear if she performs the work of a Voodoo priestess, which could be lucrative. Marie Laveau, on whom she is allegedly loosely based, was very financial successful, but to be honest, I think the IDV writers have a very shaky grasp on actual Voodoo practices and beliefs (as do most folks probably who have no idea that a lot of practitioners are also Catholic. It's a syncretic religion so yes, Patricia’s nun costume actually makes some sense.)

Fiona: It is openly stated she comes from an unknown class. There aren’t really historical precedents I could find in my research for occultists of her stripe earning an income, as there’s no indication she goes around giving exhibitions or overseeing seaances. Many Victorians dabbled in the arcane as a hobby, but those who were able to fully devote themselves to their studies tended to come from very comfortable backgrounds, such as Helena Blavatsky and Aleister Crowley.

Kreacher: He is a thief. Nothing else to say.

Eli: Another character with an ambiguous background. We have little information about his family life, but he is considered in his write-up by the organizers of the manor games to be unemployed.

EDIT: @ivy0309 informed me Eli is listed as coming from a middle class background in the official setting book.

Ganji: He is likely extremely poor. I could not find anywhere what a professional athlete might have been paid, but we do at least know he cannot afford travel home to India.

William: He is presumably from a middle class family, given that he attended university. As with Andrew above, I have a seen of lot people claiming William is less intelligent/educated than he is, when he’s actually at least one of the most educated characters in the game. He may have made a poor decision drinking the poisoned wine and come off as a muscle head, but he is far from a himbo. I don’t know what his current social class could be considered, as professional athletes in the Victorian era were not the same was they are now, but William does appear based on his clothes to be a rugby player more or less full time?

Performers/Entertainers

-This is another tricky group to get a handle on, because the role of the entertainer in society meant that one could be exalted and idolized while also not being welcome in polite society. I cannot speak to actual income amounts for these characters, but can provide a few general notes of interest. Also worth noting is that a top-billed musician like Antonio would be treated very differently than the Hullabaloo performers, who were certainly seen as impolite and indecent.

Margaretha/Natalie: Female performers were often characterized as promiscuous and sexually available, and therefore sneered at. Margie is wearing the costume of an exotic dancer (for those who may not be aware, this doesn't meant actually foreign or exotic, it explicitly means a dance intended to arouse or excite). She is not doing well fiscally after Sergei’s death, and is implied by the description of her animal tamer costume to dance/busk for tips.

Her uncle and aunt who raised her lived in Lakeside, and Natalie is described as wearing a cheap cotton dress in a photograph of her  living under their care. Her background then would likely fall under manually laboring/working class.

Mike: Mike is one of the circus’ most popular performers, so he makes more than Margaretha, but that's all I can guess.

Joker: He is less popular than Mike and Sergei, but is allowed his own tent because either he has enough status in the Hullabaloo or nobody wants to room with him.

Violetta: Her family abandoned her, and she was seen as an asset by Max. Likely has little to no money of her own.

Servais: He at least considers himself middle class and respectable, and his dress does suggest he is financially solvent.

Antonio: A musician welcomed at court who played for upper-class audiences. Antonio was raised to be a money-maker by a stern father and did receive royal patronage, but based on his personality traits I am willing to bet he has poor money management skills. His real-life inspiration, Niccolo Paganini, died in debt.

Murro: Treated as a possession by Bernard and then living on the run, it's hard to imagine he had any way of earning money after fleeing the circus, nor the necessary knowledge to exist within society.

Willis Brothers: I believe their situation would be similar to Violetta’s. Disabled sideshow performers could occasionally have quite lucrative careers, but this was rare.

This is far from comprehensive, but thank you so much for taking the time to read this far! If you have any questions or wish to discuss anything here, please feel free to talk to me!

A great resource for approximating the income ranges used above is this database,  this is invaluable for looking at things like average wages, housing costs, price of goods in different countries (mostly the US, UK, and Western Europe) across decades and eras.