#but yeah oversharing online is not the best!!

[elsartzz]

I really love your art! your style is so pretty, it's like eye candy fr. you're such a skilled artist! also, I wanted to mention that I saw a couple of your thoughts posts and I wanted to suggest possibly investing into a journal to write them down into instead—I've found it helps to get the negative thoughts out, and then you're not broadcasting them to random strangers on the internet. not trying to throw shade, just genuinely concerned for your mental health. I really do enjoy your mha and genshin art, and it makes me happy when you post it! I love how you added both kaeya and klee in your recent contribution to the barbie meme lol. I hope you're having a good day, and if not, I hope things start looking up real soon! stay safe, and don't be too hard on yourself, alright? you're an awesome person 🩷 this is your sign to keep going

Hello!! Thank you so much for the kind words, I’m happy you like my art :))

Regarding the comment abt my thoughts posts – aw thanks for your concern! But first off, it’s actually been a while since I posted those (I checked and I think it was more than a year back? same w my mha art tbh– either you’ve been following for a while or you must’ve scrolled a lot LOL either way I’m impressed.) and I did delete a bunch of older emo posts and shifted some stuff to a more private blog, cos I realised it wasn’t too healthy to post everything online.

And I do have a journal!! It helps me a lot to get my thoughts out of my head and reason through emotional issues. I highly recommend keeping a journal too (even though I haven’t updated mine in a few days lol).

As for why I have the tendency to post more personal thoughts online… sometimes I want to share about smth ppl might find relevant, and sometimes I simply want the space to quickly vent about things that I can’t share with people in real life (for whatever reason). And I only do it cos I know I’m a small account (half my followers are bots) and it doesn’t really “endanger” my reputation and all that.

It’s a bit like shouting off a mountain or into a void, except sometimes the void speaks back and is kinda somewhat decent to you.

And occasionally people have replied!! (not on Tumblr tho lol) to share help/advice/support, which has been really nice.

But yes, I’m aware venting on the internet is probably not the healthiest and can be potentially dangerous as well. Also maybe it’s a bit of a turnoff if an artist you like keeps complaining about how miserable they are lol.

Don’t worry I’ll be sure to keep to myself more since my account is growing a bit, and draw a line between how much and what I share on the internet. I’m aware of Internet safety!!

…but just wanna say I’m probably not gonna stop random posting about unimportant things in life like how horrible my sweaty palms are lol they’re the literal worst FRRRR 😭😭

[daytaker]

The Gang's Tumblr Pages

Inspired by this and my own reaction to it.

Lucifer

Perfectly curated, perfectly formatted, and whenever there's a major change to the tumblr format, he simply leaves the website altogether in a huff of peacock feathers.

Lots of HD photography of nature getting reblogged.

Has an extremely complicated and specific list of tags he uses for every single post.

He only reblogs text posts that are sufficiently visually appealing. Very few meet his high standards.

You could look through his entire blog and not learn one single thing about him except that he's a perfectionist to the point of neurosis.

He has a lot of professional art blogs following him.

Mammon

Oversharing oversharing oversharing!!!!

He regularly gets himself in trouble by shouting about the shit he's done into the void of the internet.

Tried to have a tagging system but forgets about 7/10 times.

Reblogs himself all the time to say "AND ANOTHER THING!!!"

He hates looking at the actual blog pages. The text is always so tiny and some of them start playing music and changing his mouse into a weird shape? No thank you.

He has very few followers and he doesn't really care. Who goes on tumblr for the social element? Weirdos, that's who.

He's insanely easy to troll with anonymous asks. Everyone has done it. Even Lucifer, though he wouldn't admit it.

Some of his best asks:

"did u just post that you're okay with the idea of ponies and unicorns breeding. like no shade on that conceptually but why."

"If you reblog another 'reblog this for good luck' post, I will personally break down your door and steal your skin."

"ur ugly" "yeah-huh" "ugly" "no i won't 'come off anon and fight u' whhy don't you come ON anon and fight me?" "'i don't know how' sounds like something a chicken would say"

Leviathan

He just makes a blog like one of us. Fandom stuff.

Except he's multifandom to the extreme. It's impossible to keep track of his interests because he always has so many simultaneously.

He has the most followers of the brothers just because he gets so deep into so many fandoms that they come rolling in.

He has blocked all of his brothers except for the twins. They're okay.

His blog is a chaotic mess but there is order within the madness. He has a masterpost of tags that explains everything if you care to look at it. (I don't recommend it.)

Satan

It feels stupid to even put this in writing but...cat pics. Endless cat pics. That's like 90% of his blog.

The other 10% is a mixture of book recommendations and analysis, Lucifer shade, and a comprehensive, ever-expanding list of shit Lucifer has done to make Satan angry. It's a very long list. It's organized by theme.

"Lucifer inflicts unjust punishments." "Lucifer makes unnecessary snide remarks." "Lucifer simping for Diavolo and MC (pathetic)."

His blog itself is very minimalist and clean.

He's another fastidious tagger. He tags the cat pics by color, breed, age, number of cats, setting...

Asmodeus

He's not very into tumblr. It's like Devilgram but more complicated and less popular.

Sometimes he'll post or reblog 'aesthetic' things. Moodboards and the like.

In general though, he doesn't really 'get' tumblr.

People don't post selfies very often. Weird.

Beelzebub

Food blog.

Just food.

Reblogging hot dogs.

Reblogging nachos.

Reblogging ice cream.

Nothing else. Ever.

Belphegor

"This minimalist Tumblr has no posts."

No posts.

Default profile picture.

Sometimes he'll like something.

Usually he just looks at it.

Diavolo

There is no order. Only chaos.

He hardly ever uses it, then he'll come online and reblog a million things that have nothing to do with each other. Then he'll go silent again.

He has no tagging system.

He has no custom theme.

He is very friendly to all anonymous askers though.

Barbatos

Barbatos would never have a tumblr. Don't be ridiculous.

Solomon

He only posts very rarely. He prefers to lurk.

When he does post, it's something weird as fuck, like reblogging statistics about owl pellet contents.

He likes to keep people on their toes.

Simeon

Reblogging inspirational quotes, pictures of nature, and general positivity.

That is, once he figures out how the website works.

That takes a really long time.

What is a queue? What are tags? Why is it called a "reblog"? How does he track activity? How does he navigate the homepage? Why does it post things in such a strange order? What is a "Blaze"? What is a draft? Custom URL? Custom Theme? Sideblogs? Mass Post Editor?

Someone please help him.

Solomon probably does that.

Luke

Baking.

He uses tumblr for recipes and images of baked goods.

But tumblr isn't even the best place to go for that, so he isn't on very often.

He sometimes likes Simeon's posts, just as a show of support since he knows how hard Simeon works to post anything anywhere.

[themidnightarcher]

❛ ♡ INTRODUCTION POST ☕ ୧

↳ જ⁀➴ 🏹 ｡˚ “i want to do something splendid before i go into my castle--something heroic, or wonderful--that won't be forgotten after i'm dead. i don't know what, but i'm on the watch for it, and mean to astonish you all, some day. i think i shall write books, and get rich and famous; that would suit me, so that is my favorite dream.” — JO MARCH, LITTLE WOMEN <33 (my absolute beloved!!)

❝𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐌𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐘 𝐂𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐋, 𝐒𝐎 𝐈 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐋❞

││↳ 🖇️ ⵌ . HI HELLO!! welcome to my page, i'm fatmata, 14 and a hopeless romantic - this is my blog (aka daily dose of cats, coffee and cynicism) but honestly you can consider this as my personal messy online diary which mostly consists of casual brainrots, miscellaneous shit, random incoherent thoughts or rambles, angry rants, online oversharing or any current hyperfixations or obsessions i have at the moment!! <33 my brain is chaotic and always seems to be all over the place (sorry for your sanity). i'm also INCREDIBLY self-indulgent, sentimental, full of suppressed rage and can become unhealthily attached to fictional characters so yeah that's that :)) 📄

│╰─────────── ·  ·  · ──────────

╰┈➤ [BASIC INFO] -> black • 🇸🇱/🇬🇧 • UK • 14 • student • INFJ, 8w7 • scorpio sun/moon • virgo rising • slytherin • casual swiftie • major coffee addict (me 🤝 lorelai & rory over being insane over coffee) • PROUD FEMINIST • avid reader • insomniac • CAT LOVER • sunset & sunrise enjoyer • autumn/spring stan • philosopher at heart • major english & history lover • middle child • team conrad • lalala girlie <33 (methinks) • horror movie enthusiast • HARDCORE MUSIC JUNKIE • replay the 'this is me trying' bridge more than the average person should 🤷‍♀️ • olivia rodrigo supporter • self-diagnosed pinterest whore • legally married to spotify • fashionista & lipgloss lover • certified rockstar gf • red nails enthusiast • midnights & rep girlie!! • BRATZ & MONSTER HIGH >>> • stationary shops adorer • freddie mcclair apologist FIRST, human second ♡ • probably (NO DEFINITELY) mentally unstable? • professional perfectionist, overthinker & teenage girl-er 24/7 • burnt out workaholic • suffer from an EXTREME case of gifted kid burnout, exam anxiety & identity crisis (so hey that's super fun!!)

╰┈➤ [MAJOR INTERESTS/HOBBIES] -> true crime ➝ listening to music ➝ reading ➝ playlist-making ➝ sociology ➝ media/character analysis ➝ english literature ➝ greek mythology ➝ dancing ➝ reading ➝ playing video games ➝ defending my beloved characters ➝ deep intellectual conversations ➝ watching greta gerwig films ➝ arts & crafts ➝ FASHION ➝ sleeping ALL day ➝ online shopping but never actually buying anything? ➝ researching random shit on the internet ➝ photography ➝ skincare ➝ crocheting ➝ cooking & baking ➝ studying ➝ writing in planners/organising journals ➝ going to stationary stores ➝ board games ➝ girlblogging ➝ maladaptive daydreaming ➝ scrolling on pinterest/tumblr for unhealthy amounts of time ➝ making moodboards ➝ etc. (but i also DESPERATELY want to learn the electric guitar because it's like the best instrument to ever exist?!)

my beloved freffy (bottom right corner) ILY TO DEATH, you deserved BETTER *sobbing while enraged*

╰┈➤ 🎧 [ARTISTS] -> taylor swift (OBVIOUSLY), lana del rey, olivia rodrigo, gracie abrams, conan gray, sabrina carpenter, beabadoobee, maisie peters, mitski, cigarettes after sex, sza, the weeknd, beyonce, kanye west, reneé rapp, ABBA, melanie martinez, tv girl, marina, doja cat, the smiths, queen, nirvana, rihanna, ariana grande, tyler the creator, adele, lorde, mac demarco, phoebe bridgers, avril lavinge, boygenius, laufey, suki waterhouse, fiona apple, clairo, billie eilish, madison beer, tate mcrae, steve lacy, kali uchis, girl in red, lizzy mcalpine, arctic monkeys, radiohead, mazzy star, coldplay, ricky montgomery, harry styles, chase atlantic, the neighborhood, roar, alex g, pinkpantheress & more!!

╰┈➤ 📖 [BOOKS] -> (ok so one thing you should understand is that i've never actually read half of these before but ANYWHO these are books i'm hoping to read in the late future so i guess they still count?? so consider this as my reading list. i'll cross them out once i've finished them!!)

better than the movies | agggtm | percy jackson | the hunger games | osemanverse | book lovers | i kissed shara wheeler | the seven husbands of evelyn hugo | daisy jones & the six | fourth wing | the atlas six | girl in pieces | the inheritance games | six of crows | we were liars | these violent delights | acotar | if we were villains | it ends with us | normal people | people we meet on vacation | ice breaker | where the crawdads sing | you deserve each other

╰┈➤ 🎬 [TV SHOWS/FILM] -> skins, gilmore girls, bridgerton, derry girls, ladybird, little women (2019), tsitp, barbie (2023), anne with an e, twilight, stand by me (1986), the breakfast club (1985) the edge of seventeen, boyz n the hood (1991), red white and royal blue, ten things i hate about you, thirteen (2003), girl interrupted, thg, gossip girl, heartstopper, clueless, legally blonde, [2000s chic rom-com teen girlie movies have me in a severe life-threatening chokehold, send help], outerbanks, never have i ever, sex education, etc. and MANY MORE 🫶🏾🫶🏾

╰┈➤ [+ CHARACTERS] -> JO MARCH, hermione granger, edward cullen, pippa fitz-amobi, ravi singh, rory gilmore, lorelai gilmore, lane kim, anne shirley, mulan, katniss everdeen, peeta mellark, freddie mcclair, effy stonem, cam cameron, devi vishwakumar, nadine franklin, nick nelson, allison reynolds, kat stratford, max mayfield, tracy freeland, conrad fisher, liz buxbaum, wes bennet, peter parker, alex claremont-diaz, georgia nicholson, sidney prescott + MUCH MORE

❝ 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐒𝐀𝐘, "𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐂𝐇 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄, 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 ❞

ִ ࣪ ⟡ ִ ۫ ִ 🕯️ ── ꒱ ◠ 🎹 ۫ ִ ۫⊹

ִ ࣪𖤐 currently reading agggtm, (re) watching skins (uk) and listening to i wish you roses (kali uchis) <33

ִ ࣪𖤐 i tend to mostly post or reblog lots and lots of art, music, history, fashion, taylor swift, FREFFY, scene aes, pop culture, food, lifestyle, fanfiction, poetry, classic literature, shakespeare, greek mythology, coquette/downtown girl aesthetic, gilmore girls, whispers, gifs, moodboards, original posts, whatever fandom i'm in, etc. overall just WHATEVER seems to catch my eye at the given moment!!

╰┈➤ DNI - racists, terfs/radfems, AGEISTS, proshippers, ableists, ED-promoting blogs, pedophiles, bigots, empty blogs (y'all might be bots or smth), gaylors/kaylors, ceffy shippers (BIASED), mean girls, zoophiles, joe alwyn haters, anti-palestinians, misandrists/misogynists, antisemitics, fatphobes, islamophobes, homophobics, transphobes, xenophobes, etc. and ANYONE ELSE who fits into that majority → 🚪(especially creeps who want to do any 'freaky' shit with me??)

❝ 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐄, 𝐈'𝐕𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 ❞

╰┈➤ MY ABSOLUTE BELOVED!! - @catastrxblues, @sparksssflytv, @youronlymagnolia, @svnflowermoon, @i-miss-you-im-sorry, @stvrlighhttt, @halucynator, @nqds, @alltheliars, @tooinlovetothinkstraight14, @diorgirl444, @stvrlighhttt, @urgirlnextdoorr, @girlfailing, @shefollowedthestars, @wntrrdoll, @weeping-in-the-willows, @skeelly, @reminiscentreader, @isitoversnowtvs, @jewelledmoths, @moonanditstars, @french-toadt, @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies, @christmasslights, @urapocolypticcrush, @cottoncandywhispers, @lost-in-reveriie, @folklore-girl, @betteroffnowthatwedonttalk, @theladyinwhite13, @iwanttomarrynoahshaw, @emailsicntsend, @someones-name-insterted-here, @astraeasparrow, @evermore-4-life - ILY TO THE MOON AND TO SATURN ��� (let's all get married and live in the forest together fr)

┕ » • » i’d love to make more friends, feel free to ask or message me!! inbox is always open - PLEASE come say hi, i literally don’t mind at all! ꒱ྀི « ━━━┙

NOW PLAYING: PEOPLE WATCHING - CONAN GRAY‎ — ♬

01:23 ━━━━●───── 02:38

↺ ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤ↻ ☆

★₊˚﹟' CREATED BY @ [--- #THEMIDNIGHTARCHER ]

[butyou-callmewhenyourebored]

Matty Healy Blurb

Author's Note: This was the ending that I mentioned would be the blurb with my last imagine. Just one Matty Healy being cute and not being able to contain his love for you during an interview! Enjoy! I'm about to enter Ross territory, see you all on the other side! x

Warnings: Swearing if you all need that!

Matty Imagine

1.4K Words

Whilst the boys were in between records and tours; you and Matty had managed to get away with being together without your relationship being sniffed out by the fans. Your presence in their world as a whole had seemed to have gone undetected, this was probably due to the nature of the pandemic and being locked in your homes. But upon reflection was the best thing that could have happened to you both. It meant you could reacquaint yourselves without your every move being watched by the world.

I think the band appreciated the fact you weren’t in the industry because it came with no drama. George claimed the fact you could fight your way out of anything due to your job gave you the level headedness that came with dating someone like Matty. “Sometimes he needs putting in his place!”  You believe the words out of George’s mouth.

But now the boys were gearing up to to release their fifth record Being Funny in a Funny Language and Matty was doing more and more interviews and you were all left in the position of ‘what the fuck is going to say today?’ But that was the fun of being apart of his life. No day was the same as the last.

You were at work in an important meeting when your phone kept buzzing at the opposite side of your desk. Apologising to your client, you turned your phone on silent and threw it in your draw. Out of sight, out of mind. Whatever it was could wait until you had finished work or the very least once everything regarding your current client was done.

When you finally pulled your phone out of your desk drawer to order lunch to your office, you saw the group chat with the band going off, you also had messages from Ross, Carly and  Matty. What the absolute flying fuck was happening that they were all sending messages at the same time.

Opening Carly’s message first. ‘Your world is going to change in the blink of an eye babe. I’m here whenever you need someone x’ Your eyebrows furrowed as you opened the screenshot and caught sight of the headline.

‘MATTY HEALY’S ZANE LOWE INTERVIEW GOES VIRAL AFTER SINGER CONFESSES HIS NEW RECORD IS ABOUT HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND. OR SHOULD WE SAY OLD GIRLFRIEND!’

What the fuck! You hadn’t discussed going public per say and you didn’t know if you had it in you to open his messages at the moment. So you bypassed the multiple messages in the group chat and opened Ross’ first. ‘No filter Healy strikes again! Don’t go online yet love. Just let it die down before you try navigate that shit. Trust me. Text me if you need me for anything x’

Fucking hell, if Ross the least social member of the band is advising you to not go online, that meant the fans were going absolutely mental. Their rockstar had become unavailable and that meant I was public enemy number one. ‘Is it socially acceptable to have a glass of wine at 1pm on a Tuesday afternoon whilst at work? Asking for a friend? X’ You replied to him before finally opening your boyfriend’s messages.

'I’m so sorry baby!’ 

‘You know what I’m like, I have no filter when I’m excited about stuff!

And Zane pointed out how happy this new record was and I just…'

'I want to shout from the rooftop how much I love you’

‘Because I do. I love you so fucking much!’

‘I also may have told him all of our best loved songs are about you.’

‘Fuck! I know I overshared. Please don’t hate me xxxxx.’

You furrowed your eyebrows at the last couple of messages. What was he on about? Yeah sure, you had figured out the wedding in Menswear was about the wedding you both met at and If You’re too Shy was about when he’d call you every night whilst on the 2019 US tour. So what did that even mean? All our best loved songs are about you/?

Texting Carly back, you thanked her for looking out for you and asked if she knew the time stamp for when all of this went down. When you got your response, you opened up YouTube on your laptop and skipped straight to this so called viral moment.

“I must say this new record, there are a lot of love songs on here. You seem happy. Are you happy?”  Zane asked, a warm smile etched on his face as they sat in a cafe you had ventured to many a time whilst you lived up North.

“I am mate. Never been happier!”  He grinned back at the radio host.

“They’re all about your girl, yeah?”

“They are.” Matty had the audacity to look shy as he confirmed it. “This new record is basically my love letter to her. I’m in Love with You, Happiness, Oh Caroline, All I need to Hear, When We Are Together… About you.” He gestured to Zane when he remembered. “She’s the love of my life. My muse.” He shrugged casually like that wasn’t heart tuggingly cute.

“Now you mentioned previously that About You was almost a continuation of your hit Robbers. Surely they’re not the about the same person?”

“It is actually!” Matty laughed at Zane’s shocked face. “Funny you say that and she’s going to kill me when she hears this because I’ve never actually told her this but almost all of the band’s most loved songs are about her. Robbers, The City, Menswear, Somebody Else, If You’re too Shy. They’re all about my girl.”

You paused the video for a moment, your eyes glossing over as you tried to process this information. The City made sense buthe’d had girls since you, girls he was with longer than you that you were positive Somebody Else was about. There had to be, there were years between when he would have wrote that and when you broke up. You’d had never made that connection but your composure was quickly diminishing as the tears finally slipped down your cheeks. Your entire will power being tested so you didn’t sob loudly in your office as you thought about how heartbroken Matty really was over you, that it hurt him just as much as it did you.

But Robbers. When the boys finally released their long awaited (in your eyes anyway) self titled debut album. Even though it hurt to know you’d never see them again to congratulate them, how little did you know. When you heard Robbers for the first time, yeah it was beautiful but when the video came out, you just assumed it was about the characters of True Romance and his love for the cult classic. Not once did you put two and two together and realise it was about your rapidly failing relationship.

When you finally had the courage, you pressed play again.

“Shit man! Robbers and About You, really are the same girl? And Somebody Else, damn! She most be one special lady!”

“Yeah, she is! We dated before the band. You know me, love me some drugs and we used to fight about it all the time. Then I didn’t see her for seven years and she went on to bigger and better things. She’s a hot shot lawyer like the smartest person I know. Smarter than me and the band put together! But yeah, I thought about her a lot during our time apart and then fate brought us together again. Or at least Hann did, he bumped into her as we were on the way to an event back in 2019. I don’t think I’ve ever been speechless mate but I knew. I knew that I wanted her back if my life depended on it the moment I clapped eyes on her again. Eighteen months later, she’s still letting me love her and you’re getting our best record yet! So you’re welcome!” He finished with a giggle.

You paused the video again. A shaky breath leaving you as you tried to get oxygen back in your lungs, the temptation to just cry at how much you fucking loved this man. This completely ridiculous, irritatingly talented man. You could sit here and be mad about it but what’s the point. It’s not his fault, anything negative that finds its way to you wasn’t on him, but the person sat behind the keyboard and with that knowledge settling you knew you couldn’t ever be mad for sharing that he loved you with his mate.

You finally text him back.

‘You are the biggest pain in my ass Healy! You’re lucky you’re cute!’

‘I love you so fucking much!’

‘But we are definitely talking about Robbers and Somebody Else when I’m home!’

[olderthannetfic]

I'm in a server where one person consistently complained constantly, vented in channels that weren't meant for venting, talked over others who were venting in correct channels, and couldn't understand (or care) that other people had (gasp!!) different thoughts on characters.

Someone finally seemed to get fed up and responded what I know I and other people I talked to were thinking -- basically that complaining everywhere in the server is stressing others tf out, and that they come across like an asshole who expects everyone in a random server to drop everything to talk about their problems. Cause honestly? They did.

The individual flipped out at them. They genuinely didn't see that they were annoying people at best, and stressing people out (or more) at worst. I've talked to friends about how some people don't seem to grasp that other people online are people as well, and just because they don't constantly overshare and complain doesn't mean they're not going through shit. This person flat out said that. The person calling them out mentioned also being chronically ill, and the response amounted to belittling them and saying that they were 'so much worse off so has the right to vent'.

This person left the server (thank fuck, things are already so much better, and the channels for personal shit aren't a wall of them complaining about everything wrong with them, everything others have apparently done to them, and anything and everything in between), but they very much left thinking they were some victim, not someone who was pissing everyone off and stressing people out.

I guess I just didn't really think people like this existed, not to this degree. I know a lot of us can be guilty of venting online (just look at your inbox sometimes lol, or me now), but I think I always thought people were aware they were doing it? But I checked out this person's tumblr, and they had walls of text talking about how horrible everyone in the fandom was for not supporting them when they were going through hard times and needed a space to talk. Some users were responding things like "fandom's an escape for everyone, people don't always want to hear venting or interact with it, people are going through their own shit, and more" and oh god this person didn't care.

And just... huh?? The server's for fandom to talk about random characters. There are some non fandom channels yeah, but people usually just talk about knitting or made a random comment about having a shitty day.

idk, I know fandom is socialisation for a lot of people as well as a space to talk about blorbos, it certainly is for me, but expecting people to put their own mental health on the line cause you had a bad day just seems cruel. And given their tumblr, they're still doing it, and think they're in the right.

This just happened a couple days ago, but the server is already a much more chill place now that they're gone. Must be an exhausting way to go through life.

--

[pebblysand]

Heyyyy im dying for an update on castles!! Any hope of getting one soon?😭💗

hi anon! thanks for your message! the tl;dr answer to this is: no.

or, i don't know. maybe? sigh. it's just been a lot lately.

it's a funny one, you know? most of you will not remember this, but there used to be a time when i would share (maybe overshare - is that a word? i've always wondered why that is a word when it's your platform and your rules and people can just choose to ignore you) on tumblr. not just about fics and writing and peaky blinders, but also about me. the stuff i felt. the stuff that was going on in my life. lots of things.

i grew up in an era of blogging and livejournal (seeing dreamwidth make a comeback lately is oh-so-bizarre, btw) where people opened up online - sometimes too much. this was before doxxing, before cancel culture, before it became dangerous to do so. people would complain about their jobs, their mates - the internet was an outlet. and, i don't know if it was better or worse, i'm not here to make value judgements and i've always thought people who say "things were better in my day" sound like absolute twats, but it was undoubtedly different. i've had this conversation with someone on discord lately, about the dreamwidth comeback actually, when this person said: 'people get real personal on there, though' and i was like: 'yeah, i suppose it's just the culture of the place.' a place where, unlike tumblr and everything that came after it, most of the content produced was through words, rather than images. when the internet was still made for writers and you weren't afraid of "clogging" someone's dash with posts that were too long to be digested in less than ten seconds.

the thing is: i like writing. it makes it easier to organise thoughts. and, up to 2020 (2021, even) i used to post monthly updates on my writing, but also about my life, for you. remember how i told you when i passed my bar exam? how i quit my job, found another job, and then another one. i told you about the boy and hinted at my break-up. i told you about how one of my best friends sank into a very toxic relationship, from which i couldn't save her. i told you when my dad died. it wasn't even that long ago. and, i explained to you that for these reasons, and maybe others, i didn't have a chapter out as early as i would have liked. and, you understood. you were kept up with what was going on. it was the pandemic and a different time.

but then, gradually (oh-so-quickly and oh-so-slowly), "you" became "many." i like that word - "many" - it's what my hairdresser said the first time she cut my hair: "they are very fine, but there are very, very, many of them." i suppose that between the first chapter of castles and the latest, my follower count grew into the hundreds and i got - well, scared. scared to share: what i thought, why i wasn't posting, how much or how little i was writing, how i was feeling. because there were too many of you. because i started to hold myself up to higher standards, too.

the truth is that no one wants to listen to anyone on the internet complain. it's not fun. and, specifically, no one wants to listen to fanfiction writers complain. why would they? why would they moan about how busy they are? about how creatively drained they might be? about how maintaining a healthy balance between real life, a job, and writing, is hard, if you do it seriously. because it's a hobby. because it's not "real" writing. because it doesn't matter.

well, anon, i'll tell you something. the voice in my head, it goes like this: why are you tired? it's just fanfiction. stop taking yourself and your little stupid story so seriously. stop thinking this is Important because you're writing about something you feel is important. no one cares. and: you only wrote 80,000 words last year, people write full-blown nanos in a month, calm down. it's not that bad, you don't have children. it's not that bad, you don't have dying parents. it's not that bad, you have money. you're a white cis privileged girl who can afford to spend her free time on writing because you don't have to work multiple paying jobs to foot the bills. so many people do. people who are much busier than you write a lot more than you do. shut up, what are you crying about? why are you responding to this poor anon with anything other than "soon, i hope." they weren't even mean about it.

and, i like the word "many" because it encompasses the realness of it, the repetition of it. many, many, many. it's less theoretical than "a lot". you can't say: a lot, a lot, a lot. it's morning as i write this, irish drizzle blown in by the wind against my window, thin droplets like static and i wonder: could i isolate thirty thousand? count up to thirty thousand little drops of rain against glass and imagine what that would look like as people. that's a small stadium, isn't it? and, it's also almost how many people have clicked on castles, in the past three years. it's also how many people, in my head, are telling me to just suck it up and write the next chapter. it's been a month already, hasn't it?

to tell you the truth, i still overshare with some people. there's a very small discord i'm on which is more like a group chat with my best internet friends. it's a lot of fun. and, i'm not going to tag them here for fear that you might come at them with pitchforks, but after i was explaining this to them, how exhausted and drained and lost i've been feeling lately, i had some, last week, tell me i should just give up castles. just stop, recharge, take care of myself. it's just a fic, it doesn't matter. let it go, you know?

so, yeah. you read that right, anon dearest. people who i really love, and trust, told me i should put your beloved on an indefinite hiatus and move on with my life. how's that for an update? and, they didn't say it in a "this is a bad fic and it's not worth continuing" kind of way, but in a "it's not worth working yourself into the ground" kind of way. in a "fanfiction is a hobby" kind of way.

i typically count years from september to august (i'm still in school, in my head, sue me) and this past one has been long and hard. for reasons that i won't explain because of the "very many" issue i mentioned above. for reasons that i also won't explain because as i also mentioned above, i can't help but always compare myself to people who have it worse. but, the fact of the matter is that whilst i'm not really asking for sympathy, i do want to say this, as i hope it will help provide a bit of context to how i'm feeling right now, in terms of writing.

anon dearest, i'm exhausted. i'm bored. i'm turning thirty in 24 days. i'm sick and tired of putting everything in my life on hold "until i finish castles". i would estimate that right now (and for the past three years) castles has eaten up about 75% of my free time. i think the first couple years, i didn't really mind. because it was the pandemic. because there wasn't much else i wanted to do. but now, when i see my friends, i try to schedule it on weekday evenings because i want to keep my weekends for writing. when i travel at the weekends, take holidays, do anything that will take me more than a couple hours, it's a compromise made against writing time. a compromise i often feel guilty about because it delays the next update and because ultimately, it delays the moment when i do finish castles. when i am able to move on to something else. move on with my life and also maybe another story of my own.

these past few months, i wrote almost every day from late march until last week because i knew i'd be going home to france in august and wouldn't be able to write there, so i needed to get ahead. everything in my life is planned around writing and updating and i'm a little bit burnt out, anon. it's typical summer me, nothing to really worry about, i felt the same last year (those who were already here will remember) but it doesn't make it suck less. and, that's why people are telling me to give up. because i keep getting stuck in this cycle of overworking myself, getting burnt out, taking a month off and diving back in again. it's fanfiction and it's a hobby and it's meant to be fun and it's just not fun anymore. it feels endless and draining and like a vampire eating my "good" years. time my mates are spending getting married and having children. and, even if i don't think that's what i want for myself, precisely, i still don't feel like the life i'm currently living is one i want to be living in five years' time.

i don't want to be exhausted. i don't want to be working all the time. this groundhog day of getting up, opening up my (work, or personal) laptop, deliveroo-ing my meals, working until 9:30 pm, and repeat. i have seven chapters left to go to the end, which will take 12 to 18 months, and i don't think i can go on like this for another year. i don't want to. something's gotta give: my IRL life, my job, or this "hobby", and it is logical (oh-so-logical) that it should be the latter.

and, yet. when my pocket friends suggested this, i came at them with pitchforks. i said: no. no, no, no, no. i can't give up. i don't want to give up. i love this story. it's unnerving and draining and exhausting, but haven't touched it for a week and i already miss it - it's crazy. and, it's true: it's not fun, but writing, to me, has never been "fun". it's: fulfilling, exhilarating, meaningful, it gives me the chills and a sense of peace but it's not "fun". i don't know who the fuck writes for "fun". you can enjoy things that aren't "fun", you know? i definitely do.

and, if i had to pick one thing to give up on that list, honestly, it would be my job - 100%. i'd finish castles in six months, if i could give that up. but, i can't, lovely anon. because fanfic doesn't pay. because writing doesn't pay. and whilst i do have a savings account that i intend to use someday to take time off to write, i don't think i could justify using it for anything other than original fiction. because at least, there would be a tiny bit of hope that the book might get picked up and i could make my money back. i can't, like, quit my job to write fanfiction, can i? even if i did set up a patreon, i doubt you all would want to fund me, lol.

so, i don't know. i don't know what to do, anon. i don't want to give up castles. realistically, i probably won't. realistically, i'm probably going to keep ploughing through and overworking myself and feeling like i'm throwing my youth and my free time away into this project that everyone will most likely forget the moment it is finished. right now, to answer your question, i have about 6,000 words on the new chapter. right now, i'm also taking august off writing. to recharge, to sleep, and only write if i feel like it. later? i don't know. i think i'm in a place where i've just got 30,000 words out in three months and i'm too brain-dead to think clearly. i am acutely aware that this issue doesn't have a solution (or at least one that i like) but i might be more willing to compromise my life again after a bit of rest and holidays.

anyway, sorry for being a debbie downer, anon. and sorry i don't have an update for you. i'm dying for one, too.

[watchingspnagain]

Rewatching It’s a Terrible Life

Welcome to “Sam and Dean are Just Steps on the Bossman’s Ladder: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!

Up today, s4e17: It’s a Terrible Life

Dean Smith works a middle-management white-collar job at Sandover Bridge and Iron, and Sam Wesson is a grunt in the IT department there. Sam thinks something about this life is wrong, and when he runs into Dean he could swear they’ve met before. But Dean brushes him off until employees start dying real weird in the company. When Dean witnesses an IT tech stab himself in the throat during a panic attack over filling out a form incorrectly, he accepts that Sam might be on to something. The two work together to research the company and the deaths, eventually realizing the ghost of the company’s founder is compelling workers to kill themselves if they don’t give Sandover their all. Smith and Wesson dispatch the ghost (after finding some helpful tips online from the Ghostfacers), and eventually Dean’s boss reveals that he is actually Zachariah, an angel who arranged this little interlude for Dean to help him remember that he is and always will be a hunter at heart. Dean doesn’t take kindly to this interference from the angels and promises that one day he’ll stab Zachariah in his face.

Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.

 [and we begin:]

Lor: bounces I love this one

Mace: 

it is a good one

he looks so ridiculous in that shirt and tie

Lor:

and I love that this show is like "ep 16: torture, hero almost killed by a demon who tortured him in hell for 30 years. ep 17: alternate universe shenanigans"

mmm. someone should maybe take him out of them

Mace: 

they like to mess with us

Lor:

yep

Mace: 

LOR.

Lor:

wot?

innocent

Mace: 

simmer down

Lor:

NEVER

Mace: 

omg this guy plays such a hilarious weirdo on Psych

Lor:

Zachariah?

Mace: 

yeah

Lor:

omg Dean Smith. you do not need to lose any weight. eat a cookie

kill a ghost

Mace: 

HA

Lor:

LOL Sam's face

Mace: 

SAM IN THAT POLO

Lor:

YES

even Dean Smith makes "no homo" jokes when no one else brought that up pets him go to therapy, baby

Mace: 

it’s crazy to me that Sam is uncomfortable in this fake life but Dean suspects nothing

YEP

Lor:

DID YOU TRY TURNING IT OFF AND THEN ON

yeah it is WEIRD

Mace: 

HAHAHA

Lor:

but it fits with his "I can fit in anywhere thing"

Mace: 

hm. I wonder if it’s more “I’m so unhappy in the life my daddy forced me into” thing

Lor:

oh definitely

Mace: 

my god he FITS in that shirt

Lor:

YAAAS

he should really stop being work buddies with this asshole

Mace: 

(omg I am seriously wearing almost EXACTLY that other dude’s outfit right now)

Lor:

HAAAAHAHAHAHA I LOVE IT

poor Sam doesn't fit in his cubicle

Mace: 

graphic t with ratty flannel over

Lor:

it is the BEST outfit

Mace: 

oh Sammy, sweets, I’ll nap with you

Lor:

MACE

simmer down

Mace: 

I love how he does NOT fit into that cubicle

Lor:

YES

Mace: 

Dean’s profile. just DAMN, son

Lor:

YAAAAAS

they made him extra pretty this ep and I love that they bothered

Mace: 

he cleans up super nice

Lor:

Dean, you know you have some vampire romance novels under your perfectly made bed

Mace: 

SNORK

“you overshare”

HAHAHA

Lor:

the tiny montages of the workplace mundanities

Mace: 

YEP

“I hope they spank me” this boy is naughty

Lor:

LOL

look, we've all been where he is. no evil ghost needed

Mace: 

HA

Lor:

EW

Mace: 

oh GROSS

SHOULDERS

Lor:

YAS

omg Dean's pretty pretty face. his LIPS

Mace: 

RIGHT?!

Lor:

omg Sam and Dean are both researching it and asking the same questions on their own. i love it

Mace: 

YES

“did you shave?!”

Lor:

lol

"the dash-Rs"

Mace: 

“hey, guy”

Lor:

omg his back in those suspenders

Mace: 

right?

omg EW

Lor:

RIGHT?

i always forget this one has some serious ew horror moments

poor Dean so shook

Mace: 

but not as shook as a normal person, which is kind of awesome

Lor:

the way his voice kinda fails on "neck"

YES

I love the way he just totally took charge with Ian (even though it didn't work)

Mace: 

why did he bring his bag?

yeah

Lor:

security laptop. it makes him feel safe

Mace: 

emotional support laptop

Lor:

YES

"NOT NATURAL"

Mace: 

HA

Lor:

"no that would be nuts" HAAAAAHHAHAHAHA poking fun at their own show history

Mace: 

SNORK

Lor:

"some skills I happen to have"

Mace: 

okay settle down, Taken

Lor:

I admire from afar

Mace: 

Dean’s arms in that shirt

Lor:

HEY. SETTLE DOWN

Mace: 

“right?!” BOYS

Lor:

"I am dying to check this out." "Right?" YES

Mace: 

SNORK! Look, I’m always like this. It’s weirder when you do it

Lor:

LOLOLOLOL

Fair enough

Mace: 

your desire to trot at any given moment is, like, lukewarm

Lor:

at best

Mace: 

which is, of course, completely cool - PUN INTENDED - I’m just saying that when you bump it up to hot-trotting, it’s just different

Lor:

LOLOLOL

I get it

Mace: 

whereas my trotting enthusiasm always runs at toasty, minimum

Lor:

except for the GIANT BOWL OF APPLES

eat a food, Dean, I beg you

Mace: 

HAHAHA

Lor:

LOL toasty trots

DON'T BE A SNOB DEAN SMITH

Mace: 

right?!

(also, their NAMES)

Lor:

your daddy raised you better'n that

Mace: 

did he, though?

I think you mean Bobby raised him better

Lor:

(YES I am kissing whoever decided to give them OTHER gun names platonically on the head)

Mace: 

(HA)

Lor:

Bobby is his dad in the universe, that's what I meant

Mace: 

omgomgomg

Lor:

HAAAAHAHAHAHA GHOSTFACERS

"instructional videos"

Mace: 

GHOSTFACERS

I forgot they were in here!

Lor:

THIS IS LIKE THE BEST JOKE that they learn how from them who they hate who learned it from them

I LOVE IT kicks feet in glee

Mace: 

YESYESYES

Lor:

nrrrrrf Dean's dumb buttondown tucked into his dumb dress slacks

Mace: 

YES

“yeah now sucks"

Lor:

his portfolio is in the sewer. poor rich baby

Mace: 

HA

Lor:

"useless douchebags the Winchesters"

"possibly all states"

Mace: 

HAHAHAHA

Lor:

and Dean's face at the idea of digging up bodies

Mace: 

YES

omg Dean hiding

Lor:

YES

oh man another super gross bit coming

Mace: 

UGH

“…what?” SAM

Lor:

YES

eeeeeeeeew

Mace: 

EWEWEWEW

poor Bean

Lor:

poor sammy

"take the stairs"

Mace: 

HAHAHA

Lor:

aw Dean's little swallow

Mace: 

YES

Lor:

"I have no idea"

Mace: 

oh boys

Lor:

hey! stop throwing my Dean around into things!

ooo the teamwork

Mace: 

YES

Lor:

I love that Sam immediately clocks that the way to help Dean is not to help him but to dispatch the ghost

Mace: 

YES

so smart

“that was amazing!”

Lor:

HE HAS A FIRST AID KIT IN HIS OFFICE

pets him

Mace: 

yeah

“how would we live?”

HEALTH INSURANCE

Lor:

"you don't wanna go fighting ghosts without any health insurance" I LOVE HIM

YES

Mace: 

I LOVE that Sam instinctively knows who he is

HE WENT TO STANFORD

Lor:

YES

RIGHT?!

And his family is Bobby, Ellen, and Jo

Mace: 

well, Bobby at least

“you don’t know me, pal” ooof

Lor:

"you should go" sigh

YAS SAM

Mace: 

YAS SAMMY DO IT

Lor:

GOD HIS ARMS

Mace: 

YES

he BENT the poker MY GOD

Lor:

YES

Dean, hold out for your own angel

Mace: 

HA

Lor:

gross

Mace: 

yeah

Lor:

THE WAY THE COLOR DROPS OUT

Mace: 

OMG YES

Lor:

"my GOD am I hungry"

Mace: 

HAHAHA YES

Lor:

trots in with a bag of cheeseburgers and fries and pie

Mace: 

HA

Lor:

"gross. no thank you"

Mace: 

“gross” HAHAHAHA

Lor:

lololol Dean

ass clowns in monkey suits

Mace: 

how did they not realize how he would respond to this?

Lor:

his idiolect! I cannot

RIGHT?

Cas coulda told them. No way they ran this by him

Mace: 

nope

daddy issues

he’s not wrong there

Lor:

"I will stab you in your face" AND HE DOES

Mace: 

HAHAHAHA

Lor:

his face journey after "fornicate with women" is something else

look, Dean, I'm here to tell you you can hunt and still have the lattes

Mace: 

HAHAHA YES

and fuck all of them for doing all this to Sammy too but not bothering to explain

Lor:

RIGHT?

Mace: 

and HE’S THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY PASSED THE STUPID TEST

Lor:

like Sam goes from "my brother is beat to hell in a hospital bed" to being mind fucked and then no one bothers to tell him what's up

RIGHT?

Mace: 

so mean. he needs comforting.

Lor:

I think we've talked before about how if they'd given Dean a life HE MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE HAD, like running his own auto shop, restoring cars, with either Cassie or Cas, he would have STAYED THERE FOREVER

Mace: 

YEP

[muffimtv]

tihesocyh

all of them except any youre uncomfy with i know its 40 pls

POEASE

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?- my friends, my relationship with gender, and my art

show us a picture of your handwriting?

this is the closest i got

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?- lego batman movie, hercules, jaws

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?- @fuzziecorpse it’s shakespeare’s fucking fault

what made you start your blog?- i had a lot of friends on tumblr and needed somewhere to post art

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?- best part is for sure just the fun of making content! worst is all the judgement i tend to get (especially being a furry)

what scares you the most and why?- abandonment, because i have anxiety

any reacquiring dreams?- not really

tell a story about your childhood- i LOVED the paris catacombs when i was a kid. i would SOB because my parents wouldn’t let me touch the skulls and when they made me leave

would you say you’re an emotional person?- oh yeah

what do you consider to be romance?- i have a bit of a weird relationship with romance! it’s very hard to describe where i draw the line

what’s some good advice you want to share?- uhhhh dont die?

what are you doing right now?- watcjing lego batman movie

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?- jump into a pool from the balcony

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?- my bedroom late at night or my partner

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?- i want to be more patient

name 3 things that make you happy- fandom, cats, art

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?- i think that it’s statistically unlikely we’re alone in the universe. as far as ghosts go i think they’re a neat concept but i don’t really believe in them

favourite thing about the day?- warm sun

favourite things about the night?- stars

are you a spiritual person?- not really?

say 3 things about someone you love- so so kind, so so silly, and makes me feel incredibly loved

say 3 things about someone you hate- homophobic cowboy piece of shit

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?- being a good sibling

fave season and why?- autumn, it’s the perfect temperature and weather almost always (side note: it’s literally my namesake)

fave colour and why?- purple, it’s beautiful

any nicknames?- muffi/muffin

do you collect anything?- books, plushies, fabric

what do you do when you’re sad?- play sad music

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?- my friends

are you messy or organised?- both. my space usually looks like a disaster but i know exactly where evrrything is

how many tabs do you have open right now?- uhhh 28

any hobbies?- all of the above (reading, drawing, sewing, bookbinding, making playlists)

any pet peeves?- that squeaky sound balloons make

do you trust easily?- yes

are you an open book or do you have walls up?- chronic oversharer 🙏🙏

share a secret- i don’t really keep any? see above LMAO

fave song at the moment?- save a horse (ride a cowboy)

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?- film cooper rn, he’s funny as fuck

any bad habits?- picking at my lips AUFH

[just-troy0-0]

Hi,the name's troy

Now i admit, i am not the best host so i'll get straight to the point.

I like green, cats, food, poems, music, gaming and a shit ton of books.

So to not confuse any unlucky soul who may venture upon my id,

Here are the fandoms i am currently in

Fnaf (classic, never grows old)

I think its my first fandom and i will never get tired of it

Dsmp (it met a very sad end)

Seriously, it used to bring so much joy to me. Now its just filled with old memories

Kpop (mainly stray kids, txt and enhypen)

Yes, i am a multistan but my ults is skz and txt but recently got into enhypen as well.

Harry potter (couldnt resist it)

I blame my friend and the internet for forcing me into here but i kinda kinda love it so i am not complaining

DRAMAS (I LOVE EM)

Nothin else to say. Chinese korean Taiwanese thai anything. They bring so much joy in a way i cannot fathom explaining

mdzs( really excited to dive into this)

Yeah i started off with the series and am currently in the process of finishing the book online

Now, some facts about myself because i overshare like that

I am indian! I mean it wouldnt quite show but i am:D

I like food, alot.

I like books and poems also, alot.

I like cats.

I am in a constant state of unexplainable emotion which take over my entire being.

I like to write stories and poems

I have thoughts. Alot of 'em

And said thoughts will probably end up written down and posted at 3 am on tumblr

I am fragile and will break at any time but also "any time" is probably never

I am the force of attraction between magents with opposite poles

I wanted to kill myself, now i dont. Improvement:)

I have short term memory(by short term i mean i forget what i did 10 seconds ago)

Okay i've yapped enough,

Goodnight^-^

Buh byee<3

[tolkien-feels]

You know how you're aro-ace or queer (are you? Please, if I get your sexuality wrong I'm so terribly sorry, since I'm from a very practising Catholic family, yk, and I'm not very good with pronouns and sexualities), do you have those fangirly-feelings for fictional men/ people? Or do you just think of them platonically?

(Oh my god, I'm so sorry of this makes you uncomfy, I really am trying to find out how people of different sexualities feel like towards certain people (my family has a strict ruling on sexualities, yk, but they tell us to not to disrespect them))

Good on you for trying to learn directly from people who experience what you are curious about! That is awesome and not as common as I wish!

I am ace, yes, but I'm biromantic, so my answer will be (probably) very different from someone who is aroace. And I do very often describe myself as queer, a bit like sometimes I say I'm chronically ill and sometimes I say (specific diagnoses that I am Not sharing online) - "queer" is a useful shorthand for me.

I'll put this under a cut for length.

While it's an ego boost to know you think of me as someone friendly enough to answer your questions, I really want to make it very clear that this is how I personally feel. I can't speak for everyone or even for a majority of people. If you go around asking your friends what it's like to find someone sexually attractive, I'm sure you'll get many different answers - it's the same thing with romantic attraction.

Okay, so for fictional crushes - I don't particularly get them nowadays except very briefly ("Oh, this scene was very attractive! Okay, moving on." rather than "OH MY GOD I have a crush on this character!!!!"), but when, for example, I was a teenager, oh yeah, I got fictional crushes all the time!

This is difficult to explain because I don't fully understand sexual attraction, so it's hard to explain how what I feel is different from it. But while my friends used to talk about fictional crushes in terms of how hot they were or "why can't I find a person like this to make out with 😭" the way I experienced crushes was like... warm and fuzzy feelings and butterflies in my stomach and many "!!!!!!!" emotions while thinking about said fictional crush, but it didn't occur to me to want to make out with them, and if someone directly asked me about it, it was like "Ew, no, don't ruin it, I don't want That."

This is different from platonic attraction, which is "I want to be friends with them!!" To overshare - using the Lay of Leithian as an example because I've found out I'm remarkably consistent about it regardless of adaptations or versions of the story: would I go on a date with either Beren or Luthien? In a heartbeat. I don't have a crush on them (in that I don't particularly spend my time daydreaming about them), but if they were real and asked me, oh yeah, for sure, I do find them romantically attractive. Would I go on a date with Finrod, though? No, god, no. Wonderful character, would love to have him as my best friend, even, but I would have zero wish to do anything romantic with him if he was real. And it's not because I don't enjoy linking him to romance - I actively ship him with Amarie and can be persuaded to ship him with virtually anyone else. Shippability is different from "I personally find this character romantically attractive."

So yeah, especially when I was younger, I very much did get the experience of vibrating in a frequency that shatters glass while thinking about how attractive a character was, I just didn't get the "Oh, hot 😏" memo. I still actually regularly struggle to remember innuendo is a thing, because my mind very rarely goes there.

Also, since this is a Tolkien blog, let me share a very specific thing. You know this scene?

I have spent the past 20 years trying to understand what is hot about it. For me it's like, it's a scene. A cool scene, I guess, but there are so many cooler scenes. I literally don't get what people see in it? And so many people, too, so clearly there's Something hot about it, but I just feel confused? I have had so many conversations about it, but for me it's like saying "Actually, the most attractive character in the movies is Treebeard." I'm like "?????? Did I miss something vital????"

...I've spoken a lot and I'm not sure any of this was at all useful? But long story short, yes, I can be attracted to fictional characters, but I don't really find them hot. Aesthetically beautiful, yes, but not whatever weird thing people mean when they say someone is hot.

[thesoftboiledegg]

I hate to say it, but I think that a certain content creator who blew up recently (not in this fandom) is going to get themselves in trouble because they've made some pretty big missteps early in the game, including:

Having public breakdowns and scaring their fans

Continuing to give fans access to them on social media

Jumping into fandom discourse

Not deleting public personal information

Basically using fans as their personal army by complaining about fandom issues, encouraging their followers to go after people

I get the impression that this person is still in "My fans are my FRIENDS!" mode. For their sake, I hope they're not privately DMing fans. That ALWAYS backfires. Even if they don't say anything inappropriate, it always raises questions about power imbalances, showing favoritism, oversharing about their personal life, etc.

It costs money, but I think that every "overnight success" creator should talk to a lawyer or PR manager about how to manage their online presence. In fact, you can find free articles on this topic with a quick Google search.

But yeah, whenever someone blows up online, I think the best course of action is to delete/privatize social media accounts, scrub personal information from the Internet and limit fan interactions. Telling their fandom what to do causes drama and in-fighting, and people eventually turn their anger toward the creator who brought it up in the first place.

[tkblythofficial]

I don't usually go here and I wouldn't say I'm a shipper; as of now, I just think they have obvious, great chemistry and that's going to show up in real life as well. But ... recent events have made me question R, as the main perpetrator in all of this lol.

We don't know a lot about T's feelings, besides the fact that he has great admiration for R as an actor & friend. I can see him giving R the ok to post bts pictures and calling it a day. Maybe there are other pics they've agreed not to post, who knows? But his part in all of this, I think, leaves leeway for "he's chill, he dgaf" etc.

But R is chronically online! She knows 100% the reactions she's going to get, and what makes me a bit confused is that she doesn't seem to be leaning completely into it, which makes it stranger. For example, she has teasing convos with Jacob Elordi that have flirty undertones. But the description for the hot tub pic is basically "after cold scenes we would be in here for hours", which seems partially justification (the freezing cold part) and partially over-sharing (the crew dismantling the tents). I honestly think it would be less questionable if she straight up went "lucy gray with her crazy boyfriend" or something, you know? I just can't figure out her intent, and the level to which she's aware about what she's saying lol.

I agree with all of this. T seems to be very chill, doesn’t care and agreed for her to post bts photos without a second thought.

R definitely knows what the reactions will be (she said so in her IG post) and definitely overshares. Long hours in the hot tub? Taking a prom pic after meeting for the first time? Saying “I 🫶 Tom” in her ig post. This is not normal behavior lol.

But I think you said it best. She’s making it about her and T, not about snowbaird (yeah she mentioned the ship in her post but it’s different) and the caption is the main problem here. She probably thinks explaining the photos is better than saying nothing but she’s over shared and now people are questioning what’s going on here more.

[beachbummrr]

the way matt forces himself to date the most toxic women because he’s confused attraction with interest and i mean these girls certainly are interesting! plus the way he refuses to stray from east asian women because he’s still a fucking weeb as much as he tries to deny it and he’s decided that that is ideal female beauty. like this man is so repressed that even though he sucks dick and is in love with his best friend he still thinks he’s straight because he can attach himself

got hit w da double whammy at work this week and i forgot to reply sorryyy anyways Yeah

BUT TO GO FURTHER INTO IT !!!! so basically matt watson is so scared of being alone w his own thoughts for fear of Discovery. he lightweight came out and then that was enough self evaluation for him. he is so sosooooosoo online hes addicted and its like hes constantly chasing validation from others (especially his friends thats why he bends over backwards for them while they kick him out of his apartment or use his status lol) and that is so easily attainable from these girls who are romanticizing the idea of a white gangly dude who plays guitar so he dives head first bc hes receiving that instant gratification but these girls are just. Hmm. BUT ITS NOT LIKE HES ANY BETTER EITHER ??? like ill be the first to say i know his ass not communicating healthily 🤣🤣 and the fact i can say all of this and NOT be labeled insane is bc either he or whoever his gf at the time is basically say this all upfront bc they are all chronic oversharers

[sixthwater]

Hello 2023 and welcome to one of the new series that will become a regular on this blog~! I won't be focusing on any celebrities in particular, but more so the themes within pop culture, the entertainment industry, the world around us, etc. It's nothing new, but it's something that I always enjoy peeking at.

Chapter One's Subject (a request actually!): Will Celebrities Ever Stop Oversharing Online

Deck's Used: Mystical Mondays, Luminous Spirit, Astrological

X of Cups, IX of Wands Rx, X of Swords

Immediately heard ‘I’m bored’, how cute. Obvious signs of a cycle ending and starting a new one, but I think it’s similar to how fashion trends are picked up and cycled through. I don’t think they’ll stop oversharing but they’ll change the way they do it – at least for a good majority of them. What I’m seeing here is a mix of their label / company enforcing that ‘fanbase is a community/family’ idea, and also the actual influence of their family. So for some it can be that what their family members involve themselves in can cause them to pull back from media: they get into controversy because if their relatives do this then obviously you aren’t exempt in some form, they get tired of fighting because you can’t win every battle and you aren’t perfect, constant persecution, going offline unless you’re needed. For others, their fanbase get too comfortable and feel like there are no boundaries and if the artist tries to enforce them after a period of time, they get shit for it, and if they don’t others see them as weird – it sort of circles back into the same thing. For others (cause I only really pulled for general energy), it could be that something else grabs their or their label’s attention. Parasocial relationships are always a moneymaker but a lot of artists had to make their songs go viral on TikTok because that was quick cash, so it’s sort of like that. The celebrity themselves could honestly find more fulfillment offline (which will Still end in criticism, this is media) or another way to get clout will pop up that Doesn’t involve constantly being logged on. This X of Swords doesn’t necessarily feel like pain or betrayal it feels more like someone being pinned down to stay there and they’re not really fighting it, like they’re turning away from the situation and they’re okay with that, and they look just like the person in the IX of Wands.

King of Wands, Princess of Swords, The Devil Rx

Yeah, I can see the cycle will rewind again. They’ll be big and flashy but not without seeming out of touch or saying stuff that won’t catch legitimate criticism. Right now celebrities are, supposedly, trained in great PR. They’re supposed to relate to us and they can’t do that because you just can’t possibly do that once you get transferred into a different lifestyle. You may remember how you started which is fine, but you don’t live that way anymore, which is also fine. However the best image is always the approachable and relatable celebrity, everyone chases after it in everyone they follow even if they deny it. That’s going to go away, which means they no longer have to watch their filter or care for how much money they dropped on a pair of shoes. All the opinions you have of people who ‘aren’t as ethical as your fave’ might fall onto…well your fave, if they’re still around for this, I have to check timing hehe. However I think those battles of who is better than who will also thankfully go away with The Devil here, there’s no longer an obsession with these people because the perception of them has been shattered so while yeah, they’re big celebrities, it’s also like “oh yeah we are from two different worlds, their music is great though”.

Timing: VI of Pentacles Rx

Not gonna happen for a bit, but when the change does happen it’s dragged out? Like some people will still try to cling onto how things are being done now, but I feel like it’s more the label or company trying to keep the train going the same so they don’t have to rework images or anything (VII of Pentacles; yeah a lot of work behind the scenes to either rework a botched image or to figure out where to go after events have taken place).

Anything in particular to cause this?: VIII of Pentacles, The Magician Rx, Queen of Wands

Hm. Don’t like that lol getting a strong feeling that it deals with someone either being very vocal about how they’re very hands on about their work/production only for someone else to come out and tear them to shreds with evidence (hate this but it feels very much like whatever happened with the Beauty community on youtube but not…messy). The Queen didn’t really want to come out so I don’t think they’ll speak up immediately if this is what happens but when they do they’re gonna be pissed. Or another way to see it is someone seen as being very honest with their work and it turns out they’re sleazy (Venus) Hm Okay this is why I don’t like hollywood lol. I mean yeah this can stand for art, but with the Queen and then Venus I think this female energy is being taken advantage of (either their work or legitimately) by someone who has that ‘kid next door’ charm and then the ball gets rolling from there. Since I didn’t like this energy I just asked if everything will turn out okay and I got the VI of Cups. Mm because of the imagery it feels like an issue that gets solved over time (Justice isn’t here but like I’m assuming if it’s over time then legal issues, or if it’s emotional or mental issues then obviously-), and the other interpretation was that they have people in their corner that they’ve worked with before or that are really close to them that have their back so that makes me feel better.

That’s all! Thank you for reading and I hope to see you next time!

[hot-take-tournament]

sorry if my take sounds deeply incomprehensible i just kept going back on submitting it and knew if i didn’t ramble it all out in one take i was gonna chicken out again LMAO

don't worry about it at all!

i think an incoherent infodump every once in a while is good for the soul!

look, if we're being totally candid -

i have pretty severe adhd comorbid with bipolar disorder, which i do my best to mask - yeah yeah, i know you're not supposed to, but i doubt i'll ever truly shake the shame, especially given the things i've done as a result of failing to mask, both online and irl (the latter being much, much worse) - so i've resolved to do it for the rest of my life

i did talk a little bit about what i was like on my main blog here, which you might need for context:

(speaking of which, please don't actually follow or even go to my main blog just because you like this one - i'm 100% fucking serious. i'm a very different person over there to the point of being almost unrecognisable, even to myself - and i guarantee that side of myself wouldn't recognise me either; we're like two parts of a very fucked up whole. so for that reason i want to keep these two blogs separate; like i said, i'm bipolar, so that's where i let the venom out, and when i feel joyful again, i come back here. i'm more active here anyway, to the point where i basically consider this my main blog now - i mean, my bio isn't even up to date over there)

the point is although i plan to mask for the rest of my life, even i'm partial to an unprompted infodump or oversharing session every once in a while

that's the reason i want this blog to be a safe place for people to vent/infodump/just share their wildest takes anonymously, while still having a little fun by making it a tournament - it's partly to atone in a cringe kinda way, but also because this dumbass site has actually been a huge source of support in some of the darker points in my life

it's almost ironic in a weird way - i spent so much time targeting other people for their mental health problems, but when i had some of my own i came crawling back to those same people. maybe karma does exist lol

no, i didn't ever interact with any of them; but just lurking on their blogs and reading their posts helped normalise what i was going through when i felt so alone after receiving my diagnosis; though it was always in the back of my mind that maybe a year earlier i would've seen those same posts and done my level best to make them feel like shit for it just for the sake of a little dopamine hit

i'm a proud airhead, but i'm not naive - i'm not going to lie to you and say that tumblr is a safe space, partly because nowhere on the internet is safe, partly because i've read some of your takes and they terrify me, but mostly because i'm living proof of how awful this site can be

but i do want to at least create one semi-safe place on the internet after ruining so many other people's

jesus i'm fucking crying that's new lol

anyway sorry for taking your incoherent infodump and exchanging it with one of my own, that's probably more info about me than you ever wanted to know

but i hope this provides a little context for why i decided to start this blog

the point i was actually trying to make, because i'm pretty sure i never actually responded to what you were saying - never feel embarassed to submit anything! trust me, i totally get it; but i promise, even when i make jokes about some unhinged takes, it's all light-hearted, and if it ever comes across otherwise, please let me know! <3 <3 <3

i'm gonna take a quick break, i'll catch up with you all again later

[maaaxx]

rant

(i havent overshared on here in a while and i think its about time i do that)

tw/ homophobia and transphobia

being queer in a rural area / area where theres not a lot out other gay people is really weird and really isolating.

yeah its the homophobes and terfs and people telling me about *how the gays are going to hell* and talking about us like we're subhuman without realizing im gay.

but its also the other gay people i've met.

theres this guy that ive been friends with for going on 11 years now (on and off) and he came out to me a year ago just by going "hey did you ever think that i might be gay" and i answered and that was that

months later i came out to him by telling him nonchalantly about my first girlfriend when i was like 13. he tells me about this girlfriend he had a few years prior. he then proceeds to go on this rant about how he's still "completely gay" thought since "she wasn't a real girl". and he goes on about how he thinks that if you date a trans person it automatically makes you pansexual since they "have the parts of a boy/girl even if they aren't one" (talking about how straight men cant date trans girls and still be straight and vise versa and how lesbians "cant" date trans girls and still call them lesbians)

last time i talked to him he was going on about "how women are nowadays" and calling them sluts and being really degrading.

There was a gay bi gender kid who rode my bus who constantly talked about the same stuff.

The first person I've ever came out to irl is one of my best friends recently told me she just "doesnt understand aromanticism" and doesnt think it's a real thing.

I came out to her as asexual about two years ago now and explained to her that i find a lot of aspects of my sexuality confusing but i still really wanted a label and she's the one who suggested i use the label 'queer'

but when i messaged her and told her that i also think im on the aromantic spectrum a few days ago she asked me to explain why and i sent her a whole essay explaining my experiences with romantic attraction for her to tell me she doesnt understand it and doesnt think that that makes me gay.

(like she's fine with asexuality but draws the line at aromanticism)

I also have this cousin whose a lesbian and only shows up like once every five years because of our family. but when she was home for christmas she and her sister went on a tirade about how being gay is fine but trans people are 'imposing on the community'.

i wasnt planning on coming out to her (i dont think ill ever come out to anyone in my family) but i was still sort of excited to see her because i havent talked to her since i came to terms with my sexuality and it just felt nice not being the only gay person in my family (even if i am closeted)

and its really isolating because this is my community. these are the people i have access to that have the most simular experiences and not one is fully accepting of other peoples identities.

every single gay friend i have that isnt aropohobic or transphobic or a misogynist (how tf are you going to be gay and sexist??? make it make sense) is online and my actual community is completely parasocial. i dont think thats healthy.