#but.... it makes me feel wayyyy more upset about his situation

[thebearer]

Annnnnnd how would Lip act in the situation of the devastation fic

i’ve had to think about this tbh. bc he kinda already had his own version with the unexpected pregnancy news of freddy.

but i started thinking in terms of lip’s reader leaving and taking the kids with her, and genuinely, i can’t think of a situation where that would happen and she would come back. like they’d be done.

now, with that being said, i could see lip and you getting into a fight- a huuuuugggeee fight. bigher than the one when you found out you were pregnant with amelia. this is based off of lip with best friend!reader who’s a elementary school teacher. she does pretty well, has a salary and insurance so wayyyy better than anything lip grew up with, but they’re not rich by any means. truly comfortable. lip’s working at the auto shop, still doing odd ball jobs but more full time, got promoted to a shift supervisor and got a raise. you both share a bank account together bc it makes it easier.

debby (bc it’s always debby and i’m a debby hater sorry) does something stupid. stupid enough to need bail money, stupid enough that she might get franny taken away or placed into custody elsewhere. debby calls lip, wailing and frantic for money, and lip, of course, rushes to give in.

comes to you all frantic and manic. “hey, uh, i-i need to move some money alright?”

“move some money? why?” you frown. “lip, are you- is everything alright?”

“debby got arrested.” lip mumbles. he’s known you for a while, a long while, he knows your disdain when it comes to debby and her carelessness. more so, his incessant need to always pull her out of the hole she dug herself in. “she needs money for bail.”

“woah, woah, hold on.” you stop him. “you’re- you’re not- lip, absolutely not.”

“what?” lip snaps. “absolutely not? what-“

“-lip.” you glare at him lightly. “no, we-we don’t have that kind of money right now. jude starts daycare next month, and the daycare fees are going to double-“

“-yeah because you insist on puttin’ them in that fancy ass one by your school.” lip scoffs. “couldn’t leave them with mrs. mcgee. too fuckin’ good for that.”

“yeah, i am too good to leave my babies with a lady who chain smokes and watches the price is right all day.” you glare. “i want my babies to go somewhere safe and- that’s not even the point right now. lip, no. you’re not doing it. we can’t afford it.”

“we can fucking afford it. don’t start this shit with me-“

“-lip, we might have the money for it, but that does not mean we can afford it. that’s our savings, our safety net-“

“-and this is my family. my sister.” lip gritted his teeth. “isn’t that what the safety nets for, huh? for shit like this? unexpected bad shit?”

“not for debby.” you snap, finality in your tone. “not for someone who continues to make bad decisions and not learn from them and then wants you to run and get her out of it every time. i’m sorry, lip. this time i’m not letting you do it.”

that escalates bc one, you told lip he couldn’t do something which just made him turn more stubborn, and two, he’s blinded with irrational rage.

“what about franny, huh? she’s your fuckin’ niece, you’re gonna just let her get put in the system-“

“-franny is more than welcome to stay here. i will gladly take her while debby’s figuring shit out, but you have kids you need to think of. two kid that are yours that you need to think of, lip!”

“don’t you fucking dare.” lip snarls. “don’t you use my kids against me.”

“i’m not using them against you! jesus, lip, you don’t get to just come in here and tell me what we’re doing with our money! that’s my money in there too, ok? i’m telling you right now, if you fuckin’ use my money on this, and not think about our kids, you might as well just not come home.”

lip is furious, leaves without another word, slamming the door hard behind him leaving you in the house with freddy and baby jude. you’re fuming, upset, hurt- he’s feeling the same. lip is furious, furious at you telling him what to do.

he ends up at ian’s house after coming dangerously close to going to the alibi. ian talks him down, tells him you’re right, which was not what lip wanted to hear.

“debby can wait. she’ll get out soon enough and she can figure it out.” ian rolls his eyes. “she shouldn’t have been such a fuckin’ moron.”

“what about franny then, huh? you’re gonna just let her go into the system? let cps get her until then?” lip spat furiously.

ian scoffs. “franny is with carl right now. he’s bringin’ her here tonight.”

lip burns with embarrassment, feeling petulant but still pissed. “hey, word of advice?” ian smirks. “quit bein’ a hard headed jack ass and go home and apologize to your wife before she comes to her senses and leaves your ass for good.”

and lip is still mad but it’s dwindling, a guilt replacing it instead. he just needed to calm down, to think straight. walking back to your house, he had the time to.

lip jammed his key in the door, the ridges not sliding the usual way, not clicking. so he tried again, turning the key with no luck- it didn’t budge. he pulled on the knob, twisting again and again but nothing. “stupid fuckin’ piece of shit door.” lip grumbles, knocking on the door.

he waits, huffing, knocking louder. when there was still no response, lip goes to pull out his phone, only then does he see the pink envelope with his name on it on the welcome mat.

lip opens it up to find a note:

“phillip,

since you insist on doing whatever you want without asking me or considering our family, i decided i would do the same. you can go stay with debby since you chose her over me and my kids.

ps. don’t bother with the lock, i had them changed xoxo”

he found his car keys under the envelope. lip was furious, absolutely fucking furious and sick and upset and just overwhelmed with every emotion possible. you hadn’t even given him his lighter, so he took a walk to the corner store to buy a pack of spirits and a lighter. he called you on his way back, not surprised when you didn’t pick up.

“hey, you know, i know you think you’re bein’ real fuckin’ funny but this shit isn’t funny, ok? i didn’t choose debby, i didn’t do shit, alright? so let me back in the house and let’s be adults about this.”

then another voicemail.

“alright, seriously? you’re not gonna let me in? you’re not gonna let me come say goodnight to freddy or jude? that’s fucked up. really fuckin’ fucked up.”

“you’re bitchin’ me out about not spending money, and-and you get that done? get the locks changed? how much did that cost huh? you can use money to be petty and childish but i don’t get a say in what i want to use it in?”

“ok this is ridiculous. let me in. talk to me. be a fuckin’ adult.”

“seriously? where the fuck am i supposed to sleep tonight? i know you’re fuckin’ seeing’ these- i can fuckin’ see you! just let me in!”

you don’t budge. don’t reply back, don’t answer the calls. he knows better than to bang on the door, wake jude or freddy up, and truthfully… he’s a little terrified at the moment. very scared that you’re truly done with him, that ian was right and you’d come to your senses.

so he slept in his car. in the driveway, thankful it was warm that night and he had a few spare shirts and things in the back. he waited until the next morning, when he knew you’d be up with the boys, to ring the doorbell.

his anger had vanished to fear and guilt, retreating back to you with his tail tucked between his legs, all sad eyes and gentle apologies that you deflected with anger still bubbling.

it definitely took him a while to make it up, a very long while before you actually gave him his new key. he had to make it up to you, work on his communication and his sharing especially with you.

[inchidentally]

hiii inch!

as the resident landoscar scholar/essayist in the community, i'm curious about your take on their debriefs! ps. i love them both equally so i'm not trying to favor one over the other, just genuinely curious about your thoughts on it :)

it definitely could just be them having different styles of communicating and/or explaining things but i've noticed that whenever lando wins, he always shares his gratitude/appreciation for the team and oscar (even when oscar didn't directly 'help' him) and oscar will give lando credit for winning but then just talk about how bad he did in the race

yet whenever oscar wins, not only does lando hype him up, but he doesn't talk about himself in the debrief & oscar (at least not to my knowledge) has yet to thank/acknowledge lando for contributing to his win (& strangely enough has always thanked sponsors instead??)

so yeah, i hope this isn't too ramble-y & i hope you have a great day! <33

your timing is insane anon bc while scholar and essayist are wayyyy too nice ways to describe me being overly consumed w a hyperfixation, I was actually noticing things similar to your ask in comments sections and had written something that I wasn't sure about posting ! but I think it's worth it simply bc there is such a huge misfire with interpreting Oscar going on - totally not saying you are, anon and you were very clear in what you've said and I rly appreciate you wanting to know my take <3

- first thing to dispel is “Lando thanked Oscar for his first win/for helping make his first win happen” - he didn't! he thanked him for showing what the car was capable of with overtakes. I know I know! reality isn’t as bromancey but the sweetness of it was Lando giving Oscar’s drive a little shout out, but it was not him thanking Oscar for helping with his win. that's why they all chuckled when he stated the reason. and the sweetness remains <3<3 gotta clear that up bc there is no lingering double standard going on there. it’s the same as Oscar praising Lando’s drives. (also, apropos of this ask and ppl seeing Oscar as deficient - contrast that with how Oscar did very deliberately thank Lando for welcoming him to the team!)

- the other thing to dispel is the recency bias of thinking Lando praises and mentions Oscar this much on a regular basis/Oscar doesn’t mention Lando at all (anon, I know you’re not saying that btw). now! reality is that Lando's POV =/= his stans' POV. so from his perspective, as of recently he feels a need to assert himself to the media as a team player and to acknowledge Oscar more and make it known that he acknowledges Oscar helping him in similar ways. I’m not even going to dip a little toe into the reasons why, all that matters is that this is what Lando sees as something he needs to do and say right now especially. plenty of team orders instances and races have gone by where Lando doesn’t mention or acknowledge Oscar or Oscar’s help and plenty of times where Oscar has been the one to bring up and praise Lando where Lando hasn’t etc etc.

to the point where !! last season we had people concerned that Oscar was so Lando-centric and mentioned him so much and was such a great team player with team orders and being happy and supportive for Lando’s successes even when his own race was misery or the result was gutting or he just lost out on a podium - but that Lando wasn’t bringing Oscar up at all or acknowledging Oscar’s races. the turntables etc! literally had the flip situation! (even extending to this season in Melbourne where Lando got so wrapped up in his Quadrant filming and podium he kind of forgot it was Oscar’s literal hometown race salfsafjlah in the post race press conf a journalist brought it up and he was like ‘oh’ - like, Oscar was not upset about that he just wanted a podium!)

and guess what - in both cases it was never a problem for either Lando or Oscar!

seriously, I cannot emphasize enough how much what teammates like Lando and Oscar say to the media and fans is for the media and fans and NOT how they actually communicate to each other as people. Charles and Carlos openly admit they’ll bite chunks out of each other at times in media but then they see each other in person, immediately hug and are totally fine. PR is PR. it’s either not reality or at best it’s a publicly-framed version of it. which leads to…

- Lando and Oscar don’t do the PR or the bromance thing. instead they giggle and side-eye their way through having to do scripted stuff and media interviews, and thankfully their occasional shared-brain thing and contrasting personalities are fun enough for most fans to enjoy. and literally the fact that they beam into each other’s faces Like That and it’s incredibly endearing. which is exactly how they handle these post race videos - trust me, they are not sitting there in media talking the same way they do in their little closed off world of just their drivers rooms and no one else. or even when cameras are off and they’re just around the team or other drivers. equally, they aren’t viewing how they talk about each other to media and fans as relevant. it’s solely how they talk to each other.

- Oscar is an acts of service guy; Lando is a words of affirmation guy. as Lando fandom has so much discussion around mental health*, it is very worth reminding that mental health inclusivity means learning the different ways that different personalities express affection and friendship! there is not just one way! clearly, Lando is very happy with having a teammate who may not talk much but his fondness of Lando makes up multiple compilation videos and posts about being absolutely whipped when it comes to … almost anything Lando wants or prefers (“nope, I’m gonna keep you happy”). and paying such close attention to Lando talking that he helps fill in the blanks when Lando’s brain struggles in public. and watching closely when Lando looked like he might trip over his own race suit. 

- it’s worth mentioning here that Oscar inspires genuine affection in people who gain absolutely nothing from openly liking him. he maintains friendships from his early karting days, still has a group chat from the boys in his boarding house at school, and has been with Lily for 4 or 5 years now - but all of those people either have private social media or have remained so thoroughly normal that they’re undetectable. Tom Stallard, his race engineer, and Andrea Stella have taken to Oscar like a nephew/son despite Oscar not being a demonstratively emotional person (and how for himself he views extreme emotions on par with negative emotions which is innnnteresting!). bear in mind that Andrea and Tom remain very fond of Carlos and count him as a friend still, so their judgment is very much to be trusted <3 if you look up Oscar’s mum Nicole’s episode on The Red Flags Pod she confirms that he’s truly Just Like That and his family adore him. there’s also this tiny but very telling moment of Oscar sending a journalist gifts for their new baby and the fact that The Fast and the Curious Pod (wholesome nerds HQ) view Oscar as their child. and that Abbi Pulling thinks he’s “too nice to be a racing driver”. it’s healthy to learn how to receive love and affection from people based on how they are naturally and comfortably rather than expecting them to behave in ways that are more socially the norm/seen as "acceptable"! 

*and side note it’s extremely gross and anti-mental health the way certain F1 fans have genuinely decided to interpret Oscar’s personality type as evil or cold or unfeeling. that is so profoundly backward and bigoted boomery thinking. yes it’s fine to joke a bit that Oscar’s a baby-face killer or robotic IF you make it clear it’s not true. but when I get sent links to adult women on tiktok claiming that Oscar’s mother and sister are part of some grand PR scheme orchestrated by McLaren to manipulate and maximize Oscar’s image then we’ve officially left the whole ‘I support mental health’ thing and entered ‘I persecute and suspect people who don’t fit a socially acceptable norm’. because of all the drivers who quite literally do orchestrate and manipulate PR for growing their careers or their impact (which is fine btw!!) sorry, Nicole’s sporadic social media presence is not remotely skillful PR and Oscar’s little sister is a college girl using tiktok to talk about her own interests. and if Oscar was trying to PR his way into whatever gain people imagine an introvert who dislikes being on camera could possibly gain then he’s doing an abominable job! his sponsors are still the ones he’s had since before F1 (including his dad’s company), his social media is as standard and bland with highly irregular sprinklings of personality, and he isn’t branching out into anything outside his racing career. like, sorry to destroy anyone’s insane projections of some grand plan onto a guy who truly is just happy to have his job and hang out with his friends and his girlfriend lasfgljsagfjlagfslagfsaj

so anyway, when Lando and McLaren team and staff members love on Oscar, it’s because it’s real and they clearly feel reciprocation from Oscar despite it not being traditionally emotional or verbal. plenty of teams and teammates can be neutral to fully disinterested in a driver and it's fine for it to be like that. if nobody actually liked Oscar or found him cold or unfeeling, they would make little to no effort to seem like they love him or like him. F1 isn't team sports, the whole public face of it aspect just doesn't exist outside of backmarker teams who need social media engagement to keep sponsors happy.

- Oscar is famously Not ! a public speaking/on camera/PR/media person and you can see in their early 2023 stuff how much Lando helps him (this video esp is painfully cute bc Lando encourages and praises him and Oscar’s so pleased he does a song and dance). ask any longtime Oscar fan and they’ll tell you he’s leaned on the energy of extroverts and PR skilled people his whole racing career. and no, he really does not try to be a meme that's just what happens to awkward introverted ppl who have to be on camera a lot ;__;

- Lando used to be just as uncomfortable as Oscar with this stuff! and he’s said many times he has learned and adapted to be better at public speaking and media work, just as Oscar is learning! Carlos basically socialized and raised Lando from shy, twitchy mumbly little introvert to the person he became around 2021/2022. and we all observed how Lando basically copied Carlos and Daniel’s sense of humor to develop the bromance content we all know and love. and he does the same with Max F on streams as well. I wish I could find it but he said in one of the early winter break 2023 streams how he ‘usually lets other people do most of the talking and he interjects occasionally’.

-re the “thanking the sponsors” thing: to help Oscar get by on camera, especially with spontaneous speaking, Oscar uses little ‘scripts’ he’s worked out and approved of ahead of time so that he doesn’t have to deal with the white noise that hits him when having to speak spontaneously (the famous little ahhhh’s and uhhhhm’s and long delays he has before answering). which is why things like thanking the sponsors has been in rotation lately since it’s something Andrea said (remember him being teased for saying 'we're in Austria' x 50? and repeating the bit about his wisdom teeth? and the refrain of ‘my girlfriend says…’) because he’s just trying to get out something he knows is acceptable and palatable. compare the stiffness of his post race videos with when he’s one on one with an interviewer (the Laura Winter one is great) or filming non-scripted stuff w Lando and you can see the difference between him feeling under pressure vs how he expresses himself when he’s relaxed. 

- it’s genuinely weird and adorable how Oscar doesn’t use gushy language or do PDA with Lily or Lando, but in exactly the same way with both he loves bringing up their little quirks or what they disagree with him about or things they like that he doesn’t etc ??? idk if they’re secretly very similar or what but for some reason Oscar shows his affection for them only occasionally in plain terms, but mostly by bringing them up seemingly for no reason and in extremely mundane ways ?? idk it’s just a very very cute observation I wanted to point out and he doesn’t do that with any other people aslfgsljagfafgl

so yes, those are the Things To Know about Oscar and his relationship with other people and with Lando to explain why he isn’t like Lando, Carlos, or Daniel. and that whether or not Lando or Oscar bring each other up or acknowledge each other in media duties is not something to get stuck on because that’s not something they personally pay attention to in their relationship. we got used to a specific almost identical type of teammate relationship with Lando’s previous two - and even other teammates who are less close all follow a similar pattern of humor and media friendly behavior. but Oscar is weird, Lando is weird and just adapts better, and they’re both very weird together. they can mindread when not under pressure and they obsess over details about each other’s food and choices etc and go off on bizarre tangents about naps and music and they don’t like posting content about their downtime together/purely social hanging out. oh and they openly complain that they want to spend more non-racing time together as if they couldn’t just… do it more ?? yea they’re just like that.

somehow I have more to say but it’s mostly observations so under a cut it goes (but the stuff above is basically the main points I wanted to make!)

a lot of misconceptions have happened both because Lando's grown and changed so much since the start of 2023 and because Oscar's real personality is so slow to be revealed... and tbh it's def yet to be understood fully by a lot of people…

Lando very openly kicked against the idea of being the older/more experienced big brother role widely expected of him when Oscar was announced for Mclaren (to this day he jokingly but semi seriously says he envies Oscar’s “youth”). Lando had spent the previous four years as little brother and gotten very comfortable in that role. around Austin 2023, he realized Oscar was happy to look after himself and didn't need serious help with anything except media/PR/public speaking. this is where Lando found his big brother role and ran with it happily. it’s where the Finish the Lyrics video happened and we saw a major shift in the landoscar dynamic.

take Lando’s initial insecurity trying to figure out the dynamic with a quiet, low energy rookie and contrast that with how someone five years behind in experience to their teammate is NOT as secure of his position** and has much more to prove. yes Oscar has a contract but he knows better than anyone !! that those are not set in stone or immutable. he frequently has said - and his mom has said - Lando's place in F1 is already established as a front-runner. therefore Oscar's job is to push himself and prove himself to that level.

all of which is why you can’t look at Lando and Oscar in media - or even on track - and mistake their closeness in age for being able to judge them similarly. 

**the refrain of 'why can't he be a support driver until Lando gets a WDC' is easy to answer: for one thing absolutely NO driver wants that and for another, he very understandably does not assume he has the space or stability to just not try his hardest unless specifically asked by the team. 

without opening a can of worms on my personal opinions, I’ve consulted my family/friends of family who have been F1 obsessed since I was born - and the reality of guys who are seen or who actually are ‘support driver’ (not rly an official term but we all know what it is) is NOT the same as a number 2 driver, and neither of those are even options for Oscar. 

a number 2 is a driver seen as having become relatively disposable compared to the number 1 and who just wants to keep a seat in F1 despite the insult. they will at least tacitly accept that their role is to follow team orders and suck it up while number 1 chases the glory (whether that’s points or podiums). a number 2 has a limited life span either because his skill drops off and he becomes a liability or because he can’t stand it after a while.

a support driver is someone who either brings money/sponsorships/a unique regional fanbase and can occasionally or at least theoretically compete with their teammate. and who for whatever reason is judged as the guy who has to suck it up when the other guy has a better shot at the glory. but if the other guy falls behind or suffers a DNF, the support driver is automatically the number one. and if the support driver has a shitty season or the gap in ability widens between him and his teammate, he retains his seat anyway because of the money/sponsorships/unique regional fanbase he brings. so basically, he’s pretty damn safe.

Oscar does not bring money, sponsorships or a unique regional fanbase. Australia doesn’t need convincing to be invested in F1, Oscar’s sponsorships are peanuts compared to what sponsor-grabber Zak Brown already has and Oscar’s funding ran out before F1 and his career only continued because of Mark Webber taking an interest in him (for more on that, see K’s excellent primer - you can scroll down to the screencap of a sheet with a lot of numbers on it for that particular part). and despite insane conspiracy theories about him, Oscar’s PR and image not only don’t have anywhere near the numbers of many other drivers, he also had to recover from the immensely bad PR following Alpinegate. he had most fans of McLaren, Alpine, Danny Ric and Lando (as the prospective teammate) all hating his guts before he’d even stepped into his first papaya race suit. all he’s had getting him past all of that was his promise from F2 and F3 and then his improvement as a driver.

so that’s being support driver out of the question.

and also referencing Mark Webber, without leaning too cornily into the obvious like… no, Oscar’s not going to be the one F1 driver to be okay with the idea of being a number 2. his own mother said how he viewed potentially having Lando as a teammate as advantageous for a rookie because he wouldn’t be expected to match up immediately. the flipside of that is what he’s had to achieve and become immediately after his rookie year in order to be seen as around Lando’s level. his job is to prove to McLaren and to his race team that he's going to try and bring them the best result on every outing. if mathematically that means team orders in favor of Lando then fine, which he's more than proven he'll do. but without said orders, Oscar's job remains to try and get at the very front - just like it is Lando's. there isn't an option or a reason for Oscar to just... intentionally fail or ease off that responsibility (again, unless ordered to).

so that's a no go for being a number 2 driver.

and some more about Oscar and mental health for those who think it only applies to drivers who talk about it frequently: Oscar has talked about how, when his dad came with him to the UK, initially Oscar felt he had "too much time to think". and about his difficulties in moving all alone to boarding school (“sacrificing” being with his family) on the other side of the world at fourteen. I cannot for the life of me find the post again but he even hired a sports psychologist to help him. he’s always been called mature and competent for his age and he and Lily seemed to just go right into domestic almost-married codependency after about two years together. there’s a whole school of thought about children who leave home early and parentification and boarding school syndrome etc but that’s getting way too speculative for even me to go into. but basically, Oscar leapt into a lot of unknowns without a lot of the usual safety nets drivers have/have had. he's had to be self-reliant in a way that's not common among the extreme privilege of the average F1 driver and for those who have it similar to him, they have a similar outlook and approach***. so to mistake his confidence and determination for cockiness or coldness is as wildly off as people misinterpreting Lando’s genuine honesty for him being a cocky asshole. overall, Oscar’s self-assurance and maturity are why he’s continued and succeeded in such a volatile sport and pipedream career because compared to a lot of other drivers on the grid, he has not had a smooth or assured journey.

***obv in reality, apart from Ocon and Hamilton, we're always talking about very relative disadvantages. but Oscar is absolutely in the class of drivers who have to live far away from a family support system and who financially were not guaranteed career progression.

by contrast, Lando was a totally unique phenom and had big, welcoming hands grab him as a teenager and bring him into the McLaren and F1 fold. pundits and cameras and fans all saw him bringing drinks to Alonso and toddling around being helpful in the garage before his time with the team had even come. by the time he drove his first F1 race he was already everyone's beloved baby and Carlos basically got a crash course in parenting as he took full responsibility for socializing Lando and even having to cope with his teenage mood swings. Lando also had a comparatively gentle learning curve by dint of being so immensely talented and exceeding expectation for his age - but also always having older, more experienced teammates as his nearest competition. I will say he made sure to state he didn't want people to give him bias simply because his teammates had such an advantage of experience - and that he personally judged himself equally against them (to his detriment of confidence sometimes!). but it's only logical that people would factor in the age gaps anyway. by the time he'd entered his third year in F1 he was firmly established, had one of the largest fanbases and McLaren couldn't have made it clearer how badly they wanted to keep him from the clutches of other teams.

again - very much NOT saying that Lando doesn't feel the need or pressure to keep proving himself because he absolutely does, but it's still a VERY unique and unusual first few years in F1 !! 

Oscar had a very different experience of not knowing if he could progress after winning F2, having to hang around in reserve and then show up at McLaren without much fanfare (except the unanimous walls of hate from Danny Ric fans, Alpine fans and McLaren fans) and work from the backmarkers up with the team to prove himself - all while those months before the upgrades were spent with fans united in wanting him to fail and celebrating his difficulties.

so yea, all even more worth bearing in mind when it comes to how Lando takes the approach of speaking about Oscar and the team from a proprietary sense of pride - versus Oscar still focusing on his own races because it’s normal for young drivers early in their careers to be more focused on proving themselves and asserting themselves in order to become established in the way Lando is now. they seem so similar in so many ways but when it comes to their positions in the team and in the sport, it’s well worth remembering that big gap exists and why it makes them different sometimes - but that crucially, they end those post race videos united either in misery or in happiness and pride <3

I AM SO SORRY TO EVERYONE WHO READ THIS FAR GOD I WON’T SHUT UPPPP

[actual-changeling]

replies from this post

Making a separate post because the character limit in replies drives me insane and this will get wayyyy too long. @honeybeehum

Now!

I would agree that it was Aziraphale trying to smooth things over the fact—it's not like I want him to be hurtful to Crowley—but there are several reasons why I personally think that interpretation doesn't align with what we see on the screen.

First things first, the timing.

The thing is that at this point Crowley is done arguing, he was about to leave, but Aziraphale holds him back; their conversation was over and he had no interest in continuing it. However, he stops and hears him out because he is kind like that, and Aziraphale speed-runs an emotional manipulation checklist to get him to change his mind.

The only one talking is Aziraphale, Crowley is not responding, he is not even looking at him after he says 'together' because it hurts, and the nightingales comment is the last last LAST ditch hopeful effort to maybe make him understand (and it actually does work somewhat).

Crowley kisses him and it's not in the middle of an argument, not even at the end of it, really. That kiss is an "everything I never said to you" and it is a good bye because he knows exactly how Aziraphale will respond to it.

If Crowley had kissed him right after his confession (before 'you can't leave this bookshop') I would agree that the timing is horrendous—but he didn't. Personally, I dislike that trope just as much as you, and I don't think they played into it here.

Secondly, Aziraphale's intention.

There's a whole list of reasons as to why I think 'I forgive you' is an intentionally cruel choice on his part.

a) Aziraphale has a history of saying increasingly hurtful things when Crowley does not respond the way he wants him to (e.g. their argument in S2E1 about Jimbriel, the bandstand, the argument later, etc.).

b) The phrase itself, I forgive you, has a history. He has used it and similar ones before, probably way more times than we get to see, and not ONCE has Crowley responded to it positively. Distressed, upset, desperate, heartbroken—but it never actually achieved anything, there is no bigger meaning within that phrase.

c) Aziraphale saying it is not about forgiveness, it is about power and who holds the power in their dynamic in that moment.

Whenever he realises that maybe he's fucked up, maybe being on heaven's side is not good, maybe Crowley was indeed right and I was wrong, he starts scrambling for a sense of control.

'I forgive you' gives him that, simply look at all the other times we do see him use it. That line is essentially Aziraphale saying "I'm right and I 'forgive you' for being wrong". It ends arguments or lines of conversation and it hurts Crowley, and that is exactly what he uses it for in this situation.

Right after the kiss, he suddenly becomes overly hesitant, almost changes his mind, because the nightingale reference made him realise that he has fucked up. There are now two ways of fixing this:

I) Admit that he made a mistake, apologize to Crowley, and tell the Metatron that he changed his mind and will stay on earth.

II) Double down on what he already said and did, return to heaven, and show Crowley that he will not change his mind and thinks he's right.

Aziraphale goes with the second option.

d) In one of your replies you said this:

I’d feel manipulated and ignored if my gf tried that on me while we were fighting.

The thing is, Crowley's not the one doing it, but Aziraphale is.

Aziraphale has been ignoring and manipulating Crowley for that entire conversation. He starts by essentially telling him to shut the fuck up because whatever he has to say is more important than anything Crowley might want to tell him. Crowley still actively listens, hears him out, allows him to explain.

He takes what Aziraphale says and properly responds to him.

Does Aziraphale listen? No.

He ignores everything Crowley says and simply does exactly what I said above—he doubles down and starts saying hurtful things. Even when Crowley asks him a DIRECT QUESTION (counting 'tell me you said no' as a question here since there's the expectation of an answer) Aziraphale does not say yes or no. He DOES NOT ANSWER and instead once again doubles down and makes it about himself (If I'm in charge I can make a difference).

I wrote a meta post comparing their argument in the bookshop with the one during the final fifteen, and they always follow the same pattern and Aziraphale never listens.

So while I'd LOVE to assume the best here, I really would, it simply does not add up with the character & plot Neil has written and presented us with.

[johnnycakesswitch]

- Soda is SEVERELY claustrophobic. Like he CANNOT handle it. He’s so used to movement and bouncing on the walls and running around. But when he’s in a super tight space he flips his lid.

- Elevators simply are off the table, he takes the stairs every time even if it’s multiple flights.

- Even really small cars are a no go for him unless he has his damn head out the window like a dog.

- he gets super pale and clammy and he shakes so bad. (I feel like soda shakes ALOT, if not from restlessness it’s anxiety or emotion of some kind. He’s got very unsteady hands)

- Once Soda was getting something from the hall closet and Dally and two bit shut it and locked him in (as a joke they did NOT know that Soda was that badly claustrophobic) and the freak out panic attack Soda had still rivals Ponyboys worse night terrors.

- it was the most angry they’ve ever seen Darry to this day.

Ok now ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between I present to you. Stevepop.

- They’re the kings of pet names. It’s canon because I SAID SO

Soda is partial to ‘honey’, ‘babe’, ‘hon’, ‘Stevie’, ‘my boy’ ‘baby’ and when he’s feeling silly ‘muscles’ or ‘Hercules’

Steve (who I actually feel like uses them WAYYYY more, he rarely ever calls Soda his name) is a user of ‘sweetheart’, ‘doll’, ‘baby doll’, ‘baby’, ‘pretty’, and on occasion (ONLY WHEN THEY’RE ALONE) ‘darlin’

- Steve is the Soda whisperer. He is the first the see when Soda is overstimulated or upset or insecure, he’s the first to recognize when Soda’s having a hard time reading or doing something and is the best as taking attention off him without making it obvious

- that being said Soda can make Steve smile no matter how sad or angry he’s feeling. He can always make Steve laugh or cool off quickly but without blowing off what make Steve upset in the first place

- Steve NEVER cries, very rarely. Soda cries a minimum of twice a day. Roadkill? Sad. Old man by himself at a restaurant? Distraught. He’s very sympathetic and very emotionally intelligent which means he’s a very sensitive boy.

- Steve purposely flexes for Soda and it makes Ponyboy want to crawl into a hole and die

- Ponyboy once walked into their room and found Soda and Steve asleep, cuddling in their bed and literally was in tears when he went to Darry about it

Ponyboy: “they’re doing it in our bed! 😭😢”

Darry, thinking something else: “WHAT?!”

Ponyboy: “Soda let Steve cuddle him in OUR bed 😭😭”

Darry: 😐😑

- Sometimes Steve purposely kissed Soda or grabs him by the waist when Ponyboys watching just because he things Pony’s reactions are funny

- and then the next day he’s buying the kid cokes and snacks and showing him how the jump a car battery at the DX

These are all so good 🗣️🗣️🗣️ but wait let me focus on that first one for a second I really like that. It makes so much sense tbh, he would hate feeling confined. I feel like as much as it seems like it wouldn’t make sense, I think he would like deep pressure in situations like this like he would want someone to hold him really tight. Something about the *controlled* confinement vs being stuck somewhere he normally wouldn’t be would help him relax. If he’s ever feeling claustrophobic, Steve or his brothers will hug him super tight around his waist and it usually helps him stay calm at least a little. I can definitely see him having unsteady hands too, that just works for him :( and side note, he totally would stick his head out the car like a dog 😭😭😭 he’d stick it tongue out and everything too you’d drive by Soda in a car and he’s just like 😛 out the window

And I love all those stevepop hcs. Everyone needs to send me more. I love yalls perspective on them. They absolutely ABUSE pet names it’s so bad but like it’s them so it’s okay. And Steve can totally read Soda better than anyone else, sometimes he knows what mood Soda’s in before Soda himself can even process it. And Soda being able to always make Steve smile 🥺 I love that everyone hcs Soda as being such a crier it’s basically canon atp, even if he’s happy this boy will cry, he’s just got a lot of big feelings 😔 Steve flexing for Soda is so on brand and Soda just eats it up too they’re terrible 😭 Ponyboy is SCARRED by their behavior 😒 if Stevepop is cuddling in bed Steve has to lay on Soda’s side and Soda has to lay on Pony’s side bc Soda knows Pony will not lay in bed if he knew Steve was on his side 💀

[misc-obeyme]

Hola CC Its the anon about catching them in the act with someone else I should have been wayyyy clearer in my ask, sorry about that. In my head, mc is super nice, still trying to understand how relationships with very pretty eternal beings work, and that physical relationships purely based on sex is kinda normal in both CR and the devildom. But not to mc- human life is short and they prefer it to be more... exclusive and attention based on each other, if it makes sense. But mc is not upset catching them- just like, yeah, I get it, I am human, there are way more options than me in both the devildom and CR, trying to be really understanding about it all. Does take a step back from the relationship, causing the other to figure out what that means to mc to see them with another. Then seeking redemption. The mc in my head is so nice that won't use commands if not absolutely necessary lol, prefers to see the brothers being comfortable and themselves around mc Hope this made much more sense? I tried my best anw Also, Simeon for temptation? Really? Interesting...

Oh welcome back, anon!

I'm sorry, I was definitely a little confused about the situation! But I think I understand now!

If having casual sex is normal in the CR and the Devildom, then that makes more sense for sure. I was like I feel like I've missed something lol.

To be fair, in canon those guys are constantly getting jealous over MC. So normally I would say that they're acting rather hypocritical if they then turn around and sleep around with whoever.

But if we're saying that in their world, it's just a normal part of life to do that, then I can see why they might not understand at first why MC might not like it lol.

That really is one nice MC, I gotta say. I think I'm used to thinking of MC as a little bit of a spitfire (just 'cause my MC is like that), so my initial reaction is that they'd be angry.

And yessss Simeon as temptation! I can explain my thoughts behind this, but I gotta use Barb to do it. Because he is also temptation. Here's why.

Simeon and Barbatos are a lot alike personality wise. They put others before themselves, constantly taking care of everybody, both really good cooks, both taking care of younger charges, and both tend to hide how they really feel. They both have that restraint.

And while they would likely just take care of physical frustration themselves if it came down to that, temptation is something that can sneak in under that restraint and take them both apart.

Barbatos doesn't hide that he's restrained. He's very open about the fact that he's secretive. So it makes sense that he would have this sort of inner desire that only comes out when his restraint is tested.

Simeon on the other hand acts like he isn't restrained. He doesn't want people to think he's secretive. He wants people to think he's open and honest. Which he is most of the time, but he's much better at hiding things than he seems. And again, it would make sense for his inner desire to emerge when that restraint is tested.

And when they both get a little riled up, it's hard for them to resist... that temptation.

At least, that's how I think of it! I am always over analyzing characters, it's kinda my thing lol!

[pianostarinwonderland]

stuff in my head about what's happening

there is absolutely no end to the drama that is Twisted Wonderland :-)

"what's happening now" so basically everyone is disappointed with how Vil's SSR has absolutely no story. no personal, no appearance in the event. he's just there to be pretty. and give furniture.

and you Know it's bad Bad when not only the EN fans but the JP fans are talking about it. and by talking about it, i mean

personal story has trended

a big twst artist, twst_13, made a tweet expressing that they were pretty upset with the lack of story, and well.. that honestly ended up being their last straw in leaving the twst fandom. and due to their rep, it really spread throughout the fandom and uh yeah here we are

and rn a lot of people are doomposting. just your regular twst afternoon

so yeah it's been fun so far B)

in all seriousness, ik a lot of people aren't happy with this. if you're really discontented with what's going on so far, email twst. giving feedback is the best way for them to know what their audience wants, and they do listen to their fans if enough people send them concerns. you can send through this link. i think it would be great to email them in Japanese, but if you really can't, wellll let's hope some people there understand English <3

anyway there's a cut because i currently have talk too much disease and have Opinions on this so i want to make it an easier scroll for people encountering this post.

hi welcome to under the cut, where you will find the real reason why i'm making this post: to not Shut Up about what's going on.

personally my thoughts on this are mixed. on one hand, I really don't mind some cards just getting furniture instead of stories because (1) guest room feature nice for me, but I also understand that those who aren't immersed in it would be more frustrated; (2) more importantly is the thought that with less stories to write about, the writing team would actually, idk, have more breaks. the main focus would be delivering a Good main story chapter, and they put event stories on a halt for a bit.

on the other hand, this Is an event SSR, so it feels weird. club cards are acceptable because at least it's new New art and kinda accepted already that it's not gonna get personals. the main story cards, like cerberus Ortho and upcoming general Lilia SSR, are acceptable because they are already accompanied by main story. some tsumsted cards like the SRs and Rs are acceptable too because the event story itself already accompanies them. but an event SSR of an event being reran. it's a bit disappointing.

but at the same time, i've also gone through the time that twst was slow in pacing. and it was really hard. that was the first wave of exodus, and it's still the biggest one to this day. so it's like, if guest room furniture can let them keep updating the game so that it doesn't go too quiet, then I'd really much rather have what we're having now over slow pacing.

and diasomnia has been in the waiting room for wayyyy too long. a lot of fans, EN and JP alike, have been frustrated with how long they had to wait for diasomnia content. and ik twst listens to complaints especially from their JP audience. so it's good that now they're shifting priorities to dia story and ensuring that fans aren't dying too fast. and ngl after how long pome and igni felt (emphasis on felt because pome actually wasn't that long in hindsight, it just felt long after how we went from frequent octa and scarabia to two-month halloween), it's good that main story is getting updated at a good pace.

most importantly, i really just hope that the writers have more room to breathe. making a lot of personal stories, as well as revising, editing, and getting approval would be understandably difficult. in the end, we really don't know the situation in the hq, so whatever is happening there, i hope that the teams and devs aren't burning out

at the same time though, i also don't want event SSRs like upcoming Silk Vil not having personals to become a norm. a big part of what makes twst enjoyable is their story and their characters. and much of what we know of the characters is found in the personal stories. but see, this is where sending in a concern is important!! because we want this game to be as best as it can, and simply complaining about it will cause an echo chamber of doompostings with no substantial effort being put into actually doing something about it. i'm probably gonna see if i could send a concern to them about it because yeah, I want to see twst doing better.

[sleepingclimb]

wtf... i just found out today that shaolin from the get down is 17, i'm so sad omg he's soo so so so so little holy man.. he's so tiny and little and he's just a baby and oh nooo i'm going to cry he's just a little baby

[aruuq]

Gifts Headcanons – Haikyuu Characters; Advent Calendar Day 2

characters: akaashi, atsumu, bokuto, fukunaga, futakuchi, hanamaki, hinata, kageyama, kenma, kita, kuroo, oikawa, osamu, sakusa, suna, tendou, terushima, ushijima x gn!reader

genre & style: fluff

word count: 1.7k

notes: i really tried to turn my creativity on with this one

warnings: mention of food

event’s masterlist │ other gifts headcanons: gnshn ┃ jjk ┃ tkrv

❄ Kageyama seems like a really awkward person. He wants to show you how much you mean to him, but at the same time he doesn’t want to scare you. Tobio’s terrified that if he buys you something much cheaper than a gift that you bought for him, you’ll be upset; but at the same time if he buys you something wayyyy too expensive, he’s scared of you feeling uncomfortable with a cheap gift. There is only one solution to this situation. Kageyama buys you a few gifts (the range of them is from a carton of favorite yoghurt to a gold necklace with little gems in a charm), and he only gives you your present after he receives his, so that he knows which one should he pick.

❄ This precious ball of sunshine sees the whole world in you. Hinata loves you and wants to share his passion for volleyball with you, so he buys you a ball from his favourite brand (be it Mikasa or Molten). Then he tries his best in wrapping it in a red ribbon, and ta-dah! He gives you your present with a bunch of hand-made coupons for private lessons of volleyball with him!

❄ Kuroo looks like a man who would buy you a giant bouquet of your favourite flowers (they can be artificial if you are allergic), and invite you for dinner in an expensive restaurant. He prefers experiences over material goods, so he makes sure to take you somewhere interesting after eating! It may be a simple walk over a nearby lake, or a night in an arcades, Tetsurou choses it based on your likings!

❄ Kenma is a simple boy. Don’t expect him to give you anything other than a game. But don’t get me wrong. He does it only so you can both spend more time together playing this one specific game you’ve been wanting to play with him for so long. But if you really really don’t like playing games, then he buys you something different that has to be connected with your hobby, and preferably, is useful.

❄ Fukunaga wants to give you something you’ll remember forever. That is exactly why he prepares you something to be an experience you will never forget. Your date starts with a dinner he cooked himself, then it moves to his room where he’s prepared a comfy seat for you to rest while he tells you all sorts of jokes he specially prepared for this occasion.

❄ I think that our Grand King starts looking for a gift for you wayyyy too early. It’s only September, when he creates a note in his planner with ideas of what he could possibly get for you. The funniest thing is that, when time finally comes when he’s facing the decision of buying you something, Oikawa goes blank. There’s way too many options scribbled on the dedicated page in his notebook, and across random places (like his note app on the phone, receipts, tissues, pages of magazines). Finally, he proceeds to buy you something he’s remembered you talking about a long time ago, ignoring all of his helpful notes.

❄ You expect him to give you something stupid. A shirt with a low quality meme printed on it, a whole box of these lighters that shock you with electricity when you use it, or just a silly trinket that reminds him of you. But Hanamaki has different plans for a gift for you. After he saw an ad with some beauty products on your phone that seemed to attract your attention, he decided to buy it for you. It may be a mascara, eyeshadow palette, a moisturizing cream or literally anything that makes him think “Wow. A beauty product. So cool.” It doesn’t necessarily need to be a beauty-beauty product, it just has to scream to his little brain that it is a beauty product. He also wants it to be tested on him right after you open it, because he’s curious how good a job he did by buying it for you.

❄ Bokuto is very excited about the idea of exchanging gifts with you. The big boy that he is with the character that he has, I’m sure he buys you a giant teddy bear that’s his height. He wants you to be able to hug him even if it’s not actually him but a plushy. He also gives you a self-made Christmas card that may be a bit crooked and uneven, and stained with way too much glitter, and maybe some of the kanjis are misspelled, but it’s from Bokuto. And that’s what matters the most.

❄ I think that Akaashi buys you something he knows you want but you will never buy it yourself, cause you think it’s not worth the money (even tho you really want it). For some people this thing might be some clothes, for others a book, and for different ones a game or a phone case or literally anything, so I will not give you any specifics. But you get what I mean.

❄ Ushijima straightforwardly asks you if there’s anything you need so that he can provide this to you. He knows he’s not good at reading people, so he doesn’t want to upset you by giving you an unwanted gift. Your ideal answer would be showing him the exact product that you want (for example showing him the exact pair of shoes you want) – he can also work with a specific item (something like I just want a long blue dress or I want a new coffeemaker) – but what feels like a nightmare to him is you saying that you doesn’t care what he gets you. It probably ends with him buying you a horrifying porcelain statue he’s found in the local bazaar or other weird shit.

❄ Tendou, honestly, is a cutie. His idea for a gift is easy. It’s plain. And maybe basic. But it’s something you associate with him the most. He gives you a giant hand-made chocolate bar with nuts or dried fruits in it shaped like your favourite anime or cartoon character. Tendou even goes one step further and adds tiny gold particles in it to make it more bourgeois. And if you are allergic to cocoa – he does it with white chocolate. And if you don’t like white chocolate – he adds crushed freeze-dried fruit to change its taste.

❄ He’s a rational but romantic man. For sure Kita buys you something he knows will be useful in your everyday life that also reminds you of him. It may be a handkerchief that he himself has embroidered floral patterns on it, because he knows you always complain after eating a meal in public that your hands are dirty, and you don’t want to wipe them in your palms; it may be a wallet he has put his picture in before giving it to you, due to the fact that yours has a broken zipper; or a metal key ring with a fox pendant, ‘cause he knows you always lose your keys.

❄ He’s a funny little man, I love him. Atsumu for sure buys you something very original, you’ll remember for ages. My personal headcanon of him is that he highly craves adrenaline, so I think he’ll buy you a voucher for a bungee jump or a parachute jump, or diving with sharks. He also buys one for himself, so you are not alone while doing this crazy thing.

❄ Suna is a lil shit. When you meet for the exchanging of gifts, he acts surprised as if he’s forgotten about it. No matter if you are disappointed or you tell him that nothing has happened, he continues his little game until you two arrive at his place. In the middle of a movie marathon, he hands you an envelope with tickets. These can be tickets to the cinema, to an amusement park, or for a train to a place you've been wanting to go for a long time.

❄ Osamu invites you over for dinner. But it's not just any dinner. It’s a dinner you could buy for a lot of money at a bourgie restaurant, the one with twelve courses, decades-old wine, and someone playing violin in the background (it’s probably someone from his team that has taken a few lessons in their childhood, but hey! it’s the efforts that matters). Oh, he also sends Atsumu to one of their friends, so that you can spend this precious time alone, without the interruption of his annoying (ily Atsumu, dw) twin brother.

❄ Sakusa buys you something small and classy you can wear on special events. It can be a pretty gold brooch, silver cufflinks or a tie clip matching your favourite tie. He wants you to think about him while in situations where you may be stressed, surrounded by lots of people talking to you and not giving you a moment to breathe. When your fingers clasp onto the present he’s given you, you already feel better, even if he’s not by your side.

❄ I think that Futakuchi may try to include a bit of everything when preparing a gift for you. A bit of something hand-made, a bit of something he has to buy, a bit of going out, a bit of food, a bit of something he’s seen you wanting for a long time and a bit of surprise. When you mix it all together, the only thing I can imagine is preparing a round of scavenger hunt. You need to go after the hints he has scattered around the city, only to find out that the final place is his backyard. He then gives you the real present, being something you’ve really wanted, and orders a takeout you can eat in his room while enjoying each other’s presence.

❄ Terushima’s idea for a present for you is at the same time really predictable, but not really. It suits him tho. He makes sure you will not know what he has prepared for you until the moment of exchanging gifts. Terushima buys you pretty (and probably expensive) jewelry for your favourite piercing – and if you don’t have any, he takes you to his piercer and tells you that you can do whatever you want; no matter how many you want, he'll pay for them all.

[honeyymistt]

hello! I hope you're okay with me coming to you to ask for your perspective/opinion/advice. I don't really have any friends or anyone I can talk to about this.

I've been with my boyfriend for four months now. I met him in a mutual discord server and we were friends for about three months before dating. We bonded so quickly and we both expressed feeling extremely comfortable and safe around eachother. I've never opened up to anyone like I've opened up to him.

At the beginning of the relationship, he was the softest, most affectionate person ever. He always sounded so excited to talk to me and spend time with me, he would compliment me all the time and his love felt so genuine. We said we never wanted to leave the honeymoon phase. We were inseparable.

But as time passed, problems in the relationship rose obviously. The more problems there were, the more distant he'd get. He's not affectionate like that anymore, he's not excited to talk to me or to do anything with me anymore. When I confronted him about it, he said it's because he got too comfortable in the relationship and felt like he had to try harder at first and that his depression makes it harder for him to express affection.

He became really inconsistent and it felt like a constant hot and cold. I'd try to fix things and communicate and things would never change. I've tried to break up with him over it a couple of times now in the past month or two, he'd always beg me not to leave and would say he's trying his hardest and that he'll do his best. I still feel consistently unloved and uncared for.

It was even to the point that I'd have to ask him to care more about how I was doing, how my day was, if I was okay after getting vaccinated. He stopped really caring unless it was jealousy. He's always super invasive about who I talk to, what I'm saying to them, etc and would get upset with me for not telling him even though I've asked him for privacy before.

I don't know if he's with me because he's afraid to be lonely, or if he's scared to lose me but doesn't feel like I'm worth the effort. He always talks about how he hated being alone and always needs to be around people. We sleep call every night and he loves when I give him affection.

I was reading through our messages when we first started dating yesterday and I just started bawling my eyes out. I miss when he treated me that way. I miss being loved in that way. I miss how excited and happy he seemed being with me and having me in his life. I feel like he mostly puts in effort when he thinks I'm leaving/when I try to leave. The highs are so high and the lows are so low.

I'm so heartbroken. I love him so much still and I want to be with him so badly, but I feel so unloved. I lost a friend recently too and I don't know if I can handle grieving this relationship as well. I'm so tired and sad all the time. Maybe he realized I'm not as great as he thought I was.

I don't know if I should stay or leave, doesn't seem like things will change. I still love him and want him, but I'm hurting so badly. Have you ever gone through something similar? How do I let go of someone I love so deeply?

oh :( the things i would do to hug you, hold your hand and tell you that everything is gonna be alright. i'm totally okay with you sending this in for my perspective/opinion/advice - i am beyond honoured that you decided to send this in to me of all blogs.

i'm just going to rip the band-aid right off, okay? i think you should break up with him. sometimes your words don't click in when you tell them to yourself, so i'm going to say them back to you. your boyfriend does not treat you the way you deserve to be treated. He's distant. He's inconsistent. He's invasive of privacy. He doesn't care unless he's jealous. He's hot and cold. When you tried to break up with him, he begged you not to leave and that he would try harder yet you still feel unloved and uncared for.

to answer your question, i've never been in a situation like this before; however, i was in a relationship for about a year and a half and i don't think we ever left the honeymoon phase until the last month (maybe less?). i had a lot of fun in this relationship. i felt loved and cared for, i felt appreciated, beautiful, smart and capable. this is how your boyfriend should make you feel!!!! and i think that's why it's been hard for me to find another person - because the last one treated me so well that i haven't settled for anything less. i think that everyone deserves that type of love.

to answer your second question: you let go because you have to. in your case, because you deserve better. wayyyy better. i saw this thing on instagram and it said "just because you love someone doesn't mean they feel loved by you." he claims he loves you but do you feel loved by him? if the answer is only sometimes, then i guarantee that you will find someone who can do better than that. you can still have love for him but recognize that you deserve better.

give yourself a lot of time to deal with the heartbreak. buy yourself flowers just because. take yourself out on a date. enjoy your own company. it's life changing. i'm not sure if you know Jameela Jamil but she had a post on Instagram and she had a caption about her boyfriend saying that "He is the cherry on top. He is not the whole pie. Do not live for another. Live for who you're going to become and for the fun people you may meet along the way. A woman's [or man's] worth is not reliant upon the love of a man [or woman]." Read this and then read it again.

"Maybe he realized I'm not as great as he thought I was," that's far from the truth. You are amazing and you aren't hard to love. I know that you just recently lost a friend and losing him would be really hard but i'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person. remember that the people in your life come and go all the time. you will meet new people and you will make new friends and form new connections with people - the right people.

he still has a lot of maturing to do.

i know that i said that i think you should break up with him but i just want to make it clear that this is what i would do and it is not intended to come across as me making the decision for you. i will support whatever you choose to do. it is your life!! you know what is best for you. i'm going to end this by asking you a question. if the roles were reversed and it was me in this situation, what would you tell me to do? what advice would you give me? answer the question and then follow your own advice. if you decide to break up with him, i will be here for you every step of the way and you will find someone who treats you right. if you decide to give him another chance, i hope that he treats you a million times better than he has so far; and if it's inconsistent, hot and cold, invasive of privacy, etc. then i hope you have the courage to walk away.

[moviegroovies]

confession time: for someone who (semi) actively runs a movie blog, i really haven’t seen a lot of classic movies.

(i know this comes as a shock for those of y’all who have been subjected to nothing but my half-baked thoughtpieces on bad 80′s horror for the past couple of years, but bear with me.) 

to be honest, even this review doesn’t REALLY represent me making an active choice to remedy that so much as it does me pulling a long con where i endear myself to marilyn monroe by watching her movies to get myself excited to watch the miniseries blonde (2001), for abnormally pretty, young jensen ackles purposes*, but let’s not dwell on all that. the practical result is the same; i watched some like it hot (1959). now, i hope y’all are ready for a few some like it Thoughts™:

first, idk how much attention y’all have been paying to the loose bits of personal lore i occasionally scatter within my reviews, but one thing about myself that i feel i’ve been pretty open about is the fact that i’m trans. this being so, and knowing not a whole lot about the movie beyond the very basic premise “1959 extended man in a dress gag,” i can’t say i went in with the highest of expectations. imagine my surprise, then, when the gender aspect of this movie was... actually pretty good? i mean, full disclosure, it’s not exactly gender studies, but it’s passable! it’s tolerable! there were even a few moments where i felt inclined to say the words “oh, GENDER?” out loud!

perhaps most impressively, i’d say the Cis Creator Cringe Factor of some like it hot was actually impressively LOWER than a lot of modern moves with genderswapping premises tend to be. like, i know that one definite explanation for that would be the fact that trans experiences are more widespread today, so modern filmmakers don’t feel comfortable playing with ideas like this without at least giving lipservice to them, while the era that bore some like it hot didn’t face the same “pressure,” but, okay. listen. compared to another movie i watched recently--freaky (2020), in which a teenage girl swaps bodies with serial killer vince vaugn, featuring one incredibly anvilicious scene where, upon being informed by a gay boy that she’s in the men’s bathroom, the girl’s best friend retorts, “she [vince vaugn]’s got a dick in her hand, and you’re wearing chanel no. 5. i think we’re past labels.”--some like it hot, a movie older than my father, was wayyyy easier to watch**. actually, you know what? yeah. listen to me. cis content creators? movie producers? i’m talking to you. DON’T EVEN BRING GENDER (or gender “identities”... which is an incredibly gross term, anyway) UP IF YOU’RE NOT PLANNING TO DO SOMETHING WITH IT. sincerely, this particular bad taste corner of the trans community :).

...anyway.

some like it hot, by contrast, did it right. YES, the premise of the movie was two presumably cis men in disguise as women. i’ll put that in the open. however, there was a certain... i don’t know if “respect” is the right word, but there was an avoidance, at least, of the usual predatory tropes. in fact, the worst behavior by far from either main character comes when joe manages to take off his female disguise, donning another, male persona and using things that sugar (marilyn’s character) confided in “josephine” to create a nonthreatening, desirable “millionaire” in order to trick her into sex. okay, like i said, it’s not gender studies, but, the humor in some like it hot comes from generally the right place. joe and jerry don their female disguises in a matter that in quite literally life and death for them (and it’s more than the creators ever thought of, i’m sure, but there IS an interesting analysis to be had of them needing to pass to live), which to a degree removes the usual pitfalls of male to female crossdressing as a gag; they’re neither doing it for lecherous reasons, nor to parody the female experience. this being a comedy, there is a degree of humor found in the situation, but it’s directed at jerry and joe, the characters, more than their disguises. the general assumption is that they both pass without question, as long as they’re wearing their ladies’ clothes; jerry once comments that he’s “not even pretty,” but it’s never an issue to contend with. 

wrt the crossdressing, the worst moment for me, personally, was a scene on the train when jerry prepared to take off the disguise in order to sleep with sugar, and even this ends up comedically averted at jerry’s expense.

and speaking of jerry.

jerry is actually the most compelling part of the movie for me, especially viewing it through the lens of gender. while joe, who gets the girl and manages to spend large chunks of the latter part of the film in his second, male disguise, never thinks too much about what they’re doing beyond the survival aspect of it, jerry is the one who, erm, “gets into character.” joe’s female name is simply josephine; before they get on the train with the woman musicians, it’s assumed that jerry will be going by “geraldine.” however, when they give their introductions, the duo becomes josephine... and daphne. 

as the movie progresses, this distinction grows more pronounced; when joe has to remind a smitten jerry on the train that he’s a girl, referring to their disguises, jerry miserably repeats the affirmation: “i’m a girl. i’m a girl. i want to die. i’m a girl.” later on, however, as joe’s relationship with sugar develops, “daphne” becomes acquainted with local horndog millionaire osgood, who he at first dislikes, but comes around to after being forced on a date as part of joe’s plan to trick sugar. after seeing jerry excited by the prospect of marrying osgood, a bewildered joe has to remind jerry why it’s an impossibility, and in the same miserable tone as before, jerry/daphne muddles through a new affirmation, one that definitely didn’t ring false to my trans ears: “i’m a boy. i’m a boy. i want to die. i’m a boy.” 

hm. actually, now i’m thinking about a trans male reading of joe. he was the one at first resistant to taking the job (with the all-female band), when they only needed money, and not a place to hide from an upset mob boss, but also the one who seems to know more about the role when it comes time to get into character. while jerrydaphne gets increasingly comfortable with femininity as time passes, joe never performs it in anything but a perfunctory, necessary way, and sloughs the costume EVEN WHEN the danger of being found out has not yet passed, because pretending for such a long period of time is just untenable. something about passing for female being a safe haven and a burden for both closeted (re-closeted, in this case) trans men and out trans women?

anyway. by the end, though both osgood and sugar do find out the truth about the disguises, sugar seems to instantly forgive joe for his treacherousness (again, referring more to his actions as the shell millionaire than his escapade in drag), while osgood appears unbothered by daphne’s truth, leading to an ambiguous ending for the futures of the characters, and any realizations that might come later.

no, it’s not the “real transgender experience.” it (thankfully) never claims to be. BUT, being trans myself, there were some moments that made me feel linked to our protagonists, and relatively few, if any, that made me feel alienated. all in all, that’s a lot more than i hoped for going in, so that’s what i’m happy with.

watch some like it hot, y’all. it’s a good movie in a timeless way, and, as modern movies appealing to short-lived trends that will feel outdated next week (if not by the very time of their release) will show you, that’s more than it needed to be. 

*since my original draft of this post, i DID watch blonde, and i don’t know if that’s technically fair game for this blog (not exactly a movie) or what, but 6/10. fairly well done piece of art but just BEATINGLY tragic, so proceed with caution. jensen ackles literally is THAT PRETTY though, so the jackles cut i give a strong 11/10. i am a homosexual.   **i would like to clarify that this isn’t me telling you not to watch freaky. yes, some of the dialogue is tragically riverdaleian, but there’s also a scene where vince vaugn makes out with a teenage boy. so,

[invisi-trashghost]

How would the brothers react that a dragon suddenly appears and becomes affectionate to MC leading a discovery that MC is secretly a Dragon Tamer?

If you saw the post from earlier... yeah that’s one of my inspirations to do something like this. 

I haven’t seen an Obey Me! Dragon rider! MC around so...  I’ll base these on the Roblox game: Dragon Adventures and the dragons that I have in my inventory.  (I hope you like visual aids) Also there’ll be two parts since, idk if you want to hear more about this idea ._.

Mother  (feathered dragon)

Dysuva (bat dragon) Lucifer:

Both of you were just walking around in a park.

Then suddenly, *boom* a dragon just landed in front of you two.

Lucifer was ready to protect you from the beast until you suddenly screamed its name and jumped in front of him.

*cue internal surprised pikachu face, jk*

You didn’t mean to surprise him this way, but you also didn’t miss his eyes widening in said emotion when, you protected him from your aggressive bat-like dragon.

You explain to him, that you raised them from an egg, took care of them wayyyy before you came into the Devildom.

You were also surprised when, your other dragons you raised suddenly pounced on you, as if they are children missed their parent.

How on earth did they get there?

Cue a long hour lecture from Mr. Pridy McPrideface.

If you are devoted in taking care of dragons

Said McPrideface is also proud of you for taking care of such majestic beasts.

Loves to hear you to talk about the dragons, their species, the ways to tame them, fond memories, etc.

Will try to Intimidate them into listening to him.

His favorite dragon kind would be: The Dysuva (Bat dragon) and Mother (Feathered Dragon).

Also partial on the Numine (Titan Dragon) species.

He will be touched when you name a powerful dragon after him.

Definitely would try to use your aggressive dragons to keep an eye on Mammon.

Magmips (salamander dragon): Goldie and Lilith

Numine (Titan dragon) Mammon: 

You and Mammon would be out on the town, trying a new money making scheme.

Until a golden-like dragon lands in front of you.

He’s super torn about the situation: should he run away to protect you or try to grab the dragon and sell it for like a bajillion grimm.

About to get a heart attack when you approach it with a smile.

When he was it being affectionate with you, he calmed down.

You explained to him that you were going to tell him that you are a dragon tamer, he will pout.

You’ve been holding off with this info from him?

He will try to use your dragons with his “business”

Will stop if this upsets you though.

His favorite will forever be the Magmip that showed up in front of him.

Not just because it’s a golden like dragon, it also has the same eye colors that he has.

The Numine that was named after him and the rare special event dragons.

You explain that dragon’s name is Goldie.

Feeling mischievous, you ask him to show him another Magmip.

Fortunately, he has his sunglasses.

Unfortunately though, he didn’t wear them.

His brothers laughed when he came back temporarily blind. 

Kinda smiles a bit after hearing that the blinding inducing dragon is named: Lilith.

He’ll get a big head if you named a fast flying dragon after him, even more so when the said dragon has his colors.

May or may not beg for you to call a dragon and fly with him around Devildom together.

Taraka (Leviathan Dragon) 

Krekiz (shark dragon)

Amphyll (axolotl dragon) Leviathan: 

For once, you and Levi are out on a nearby shoreline. 

You were soaking your feet on the seashore, while Levi was playing on his DDD.

He thought he saw something go up the surface in the distance, but thought nothing of it and continued to play.

When he looked up again, he got himself into a panic attack.

THERE WAS A SHARK-LIKE DRAGON IN FRONT OF YOU, AND YOU’RE PETTING IT LIKE IT’S A CAT!

You’ll have to calm him down or else, pay the consequence for making him panic to the point where he cries in anxiety.

(sorry, I really wanna protect this boi since I really relate to him on some levels)

When you calmed him down, gently introduce him to your pet dragon.

Leviathan.exe stopped working, please reboot-

He’ll be awestruck on how you managed to befriend such a creature.

Also hella jealous since you found these creatures when he didn’t 

Show him the other two ocean dragons, and he’ll be like a kid who got giant sized candy from Halloween.

He may want to befriend the dragons, please look after him.

Cue the “whoa” from Levi when you explain the Taraka’s other name is the Leviathan.

Kinda disappointed that it looks more like a sea slug than sea serpent 

Not gonna lie, I think he may try to get the Amphyll to go to his room and let it live in his tank since it’s at least small enough to be in the wall tank.

Also awestruck because the Taraka can fly and hover in the air despite having no wings. 

Kinda jea;ous about that too XD.

His favorites would be the dragons that are shown above.

[staggeringsmite]

HELLO! just finished properly listening to your (amazing!) corruption arc playlist! I have many thoughts, and so I wanted to ask you about specific moments and/or characters that you associate with songs (as mentioned in your tags), as I am simply SO intrigued. (did you have certain songs that were added for certain character(s)? were any songs for specific what if's? etc.) also, please consider this a free pass to ramble about anything related to the playlist that you wish. it is SO excellent!!

AHHHH!! thank you jade (both for the compliment and the free space to yell about my thoughts here because when i get playlist brainrot i get it Bad <3) // the playlist in question

i think i'm genuinely going to do a song-by-song thoughts below the cut, but here are some overview thoughts/associations if you don't wanna read all of that or don't have the time!

overall this started with athena by nova twins! i thought the sp*der imagery and overall vibe was great for a more sinister look at the wacky (mostly) chaotic neutral party as they are, just going full lolth. i wanted the pacing to be semi-slow and then drop into the more rock-heavy reckless villain-y section before moving into a (?) bittersweet? i guess? end that feels a bit more like a question mark of if it was worth it.

i think this party is full of extremely interesting motivations to side with an evil power for their own gain/the benefit of the people they care about, and each one of them has a very complex relationship with that so things spun wildly out of control as a thought about this.

for songs i associate with specific characters here's an overview, but you'll notice there aren't a lot for fy'ra rai or orym which i get into a bit more in the song-by-song:

all: i come with knives, into the spin, steady/steady, control, bad dreams / lolth: million years, athena, diggers / dariax: diggers, plenty, hollow / dorian: athena, grenadine, dangerous / fearne: plenty, you should see me in a crown, black wave / fy'ra rai: home / opal: home, grenadine, black wave, you should see me in a crown / orym: i'm not calling you a liar, dangerous

song-by-song >:)

1. i come with knives (acoustic) - this song, zoowee, so i went with the acoustic version because i think it's a nice slow but sinister start and it very much gave me the feeling of whenever you begin as a character to question taking this kind of power, that is a Source yes that you can do whatever with but is rooted in temptation and associated with evil, is there any real justification for that which is not in some part selfish. "i come with knives and agony to love you" if that isn't the chosen ones to a T in their overall reasoning for even considering a deal with lolth. and as much as that may be rooted in care, and wanting to be strong and powerful enough to protect the people they care about, it is a painful way to love when you really choose that path once and for all.

2. into the spin - this one is based on "slow climb but quick to descend" and i love the instrumentation as a part of the overall vibe, but it's about sowing the seed here. planting even a hint of consideration in accepting the power of the circlet and lolth's words is going to need time for the person to mull it over, but once it's on it is On baby.

3. million years - this is what i mean by All In Baby, and while it isn't the playlists narrative point of anyone actually accepting the power for good, it is a glimpse intended to shake things up after an 8 minute slow start with the first two songs, and this is all about lolth who is a Chaotic Evil entity, who is a reckless and hauntingly destructive force <3

4. home - "everything you made will end up broken" i think this song to fy'ra rai is more of an omen, of everything that she cannot fix but wants to, knowing that she cannot make choices for the group and seeing the potential path they could wind up on and knowing that fundamentally if they go that way it is their decision no matter how much it will hurt her - for opal there is SOMETHING about the tone of this song that feels very much like her, and the complete lack of care it seems to have to rattle off mundane things to the intimate drama of the place, to omens, to demands/declarations i think it shows her personality well and how that pairs with a chaotic neutral entity being offered something like the power of the circlet

5. steady, steady - idk if this is necessarily everyone but the mix of you know when you're ready and i am ready to be the one, this is the song about taking the leap and grabbing for power and/or fy'ra rai and orym's feelings of diving in with them or resisting/leaving them

6. diggers - for lolth this is just the consistent "i've been waiting for you" in the bg which i found fun and disconcering but also i think this is the perfect party and perfect storm for her to convince someone to use the circlets power >:) - for dariax! it seems with what we know he doesn't really know that he is a divine soul sorcerer? unless that is a show he is putting up. still, i feel like him carrying the circlet is Very interesting as someone with a divine bloodline who is in a way being given/chosen for that type of power holding onto this artifact born from evil and perhaps being tempted by it & i think this song works as an interesting back and forth for him with the strange double-entity grab for him in a way

7. athena - truly just a banger that fit the vibes wayyyy too well and started this whole thing, it's loud and reckless and out for blood babey <3 - i think i associate it with dorian mostly because i also associate it with lolth and he is the closest to really taking that leap in canon (and also probably the first one the go if we're following this playlist like a story with everyone/most everyone going corrupt, though it can be read truly infinite ways these are just compiled songs) i think it has a certain flair and appeal that just makes me Feel like it's the song that would play the second dorian puts the circlet on (which! fun fact! decreases your charisma by 2! have fun beloved bard!) - i think it's a very intense conversation

8. i’m not calling you a liar - okayokayokay it's orym thought time bc there are sooo many worlds and routes for orym here and i truly have no idea where he would even end up in this hypothetical. do i think that orym loves these guys and wants to protect them? yes. do i think that he may genuinely take the pain of loving them and keep his morals by walking away and/or turning on them if they all go evil? maybe. do i think he also might love them enough to throw that away? maybe. in a party of all chaotic neutrals besides him without fy'ra rai he is surprisingly the wild card here. while they have each other and no one else, he has the teachings and wisdom of the voice of the tempest and a moral compass that does not align with theirs at all. so, something has to give! dorian's slide into chaotic neutral was natural, but i think orym would be giving up Much More of himself to let himself slide from neutral good to chaotic neutral. i have no answers only sad, sad hypotehtical questions and scenarios so i will just, leave you with "and i love you so much, i'm gonna let you kill me." - this song also comes here before the storm of the 3-5 because whatever way he goes i think orym sees it all happen before anyone else does.

9. grenadine - Do Not Tell Me You Couldn't Hear villainous opal and dorian say the lines "what a big heart i have, i'll be your savior now. what a real catch i am, all the more to pull you down." - i see this song as playful but more genuine for dorian in terms of Truly Really believing any action he does to protect his friends is justified and good to him in his eyes whereas this is a very playful song for a villainous opal - they both give off this vibe strongly though (could see this one for fearne as well but don't have a good a justification)

10. black wave - helloooooo my favorite druid and warlock?? going apeshit with power? more so than they already are on a day-to-day basis (esp given episode 6 combat)? that's what this song is about. "stumbling down the street i swear to god you don't wanna test me" - i also think they both have an interesting question with "what do i believe?" with fearne being of the feywild which is a place of considerably different moral standing to exandria and opal being so young that she doesn't have the world figured out at all <3 terrifying and upsetting when you get into those questions on a corruption arc <3

11. you should see me in a crown - okay i knooooow this one is on the dorian playlist BUT vibes for my brutal babes <333 something about opal’s whole personality and fearne confronting the mirror self But eventually choosing/heading down the path anyway?? impeccable i love it there’s very few other thoughts here

12. control - OKAY not only does this song Fuck but i put it as party wide because i think it transitions nicely into the end of the mix which is more of the “questioning this decision after going all in but not being able to turn back/was it all worth it in the end?” part - i mostly love the “though i like the idea of providence... i’m in love with control” repeated because! i think the circlet is very interesting in that it has been iterated many times over that though it has connections to lolth and she has some claim/twisted abilities with it, it IS just a power source. so, the idea of going all in and accepting this power is an incredibly interesting dilemma of “who’s in charge here? did you really put it on/would you have without these dreams and lolth’s influence? are you really in control?” i think this song really represents that admission/delusion of control in this situation.

13. plenty - okay this song in any context is just my Feywild/Faerie Vibe song so i think this trails back to my feelings about fearne leaning into that different set of fey morals along a corruption arc, and as for dariax i think this is about abundance! following through that mixture of divine power source and chaotic evil god origin over dariax and his chaotic history of vast and varied experiences in emon, i think this very much befits a corrupt version of him.

14. dangerous - this song makes me insane, and the first reason i put it on the mix was the “the dead are true believers. rest assured. we are all believers” really just made me think of a terrible and cinematic moment of them discovering the circlet with the dead aboard the ship ESP in the context of this playlist’s narrative where that was the point they were destined to claim its power and go through their corruption arc - “how does it feel to be your own deceiver?” is the main reason and feeling as for why i made this a dorian song as well in line with “don’t worry i would do anything for my friends.” bc i personally find dorian’s corruption arc to be disillusioned with his own intentions and takes a lot of convincing himself that taking this power for his friends is noble in the scope of this group’s collective morals and self-interest in keeping each other safe and prosperous so <3

15. hollow - woowee dariax corruption, at least in this scope, i think is very frightening to me in that i think he’s going full maximalist, abundant, greedy, impulsive chaotic evil if we’re realllly leaning into a villain arc but still many of those things if we’re just going “this group is the only thing that matters and i’ll do anything for them no matter the cost” - i also think this song has a tone of resentment towards this? apprehension a bit? recognizing that this is how the person singing is but not entirely enjoying or feeling justified in it? as impulsive as dariax is, i think he cares A Lot, and is even a character i could see pulling a reverse dorian and going chaotic good in a different story than we’re in? “so simple when i was younger” and “i’d be a dancer of a different tune” really give me angsty dariax vibes in the height of his corruption arc

16. bad dreams - “don't you worry about your bad dreams cause I'm not in them. don't you worry about what change brings cause you can't stop it.” WOOF i don’t know that this one really needs to be explained but it’s the climax and the descent all in one of the party/corrupted individual being too far gone in their decision to step back or be saved. i think the tone of the song lends itself well to a mixture of uncaring but also giving some question to if they regret it or not based on the narration of the crowd against them.

[theoceanswaves0]

SPOILERS AHOY (ISH)

It’s been like four years since I did a post like this, so here’s me dumping my thoughts on various, random things I’ve been into/thinking about lately.

I’ll be covering Miraculous Ladybug S3, Fire Emblem Three Houses, My Hero Academia, The MCU, Chocolate/Zen: Warrior Within, Pokemon SwSh, Victorious, BtVS/Angel, and Star Wars: RoS so just a warning for potential spoilers. Also, there will be salt and gushing, so proceed with caution.

Victorious

--> Ok, so this show came out when I was already in high school, so I think some of my opinions and takes on the show are going to contrast with the general consensus.

--> But I’m firmly in the pro-Tori Vega camp. Do I agree with her kissing Beck in the pilot? No. But considering that Jade humiliated her in front of her class for a small misunderstanding that could have been easily cleared up if Jade took five seconds to hear Tori out, I find it difficult to feel bad for Jade. Plus, Tori gets called out for this a couple of times in later episodes anyway. 

--> As for Cat’s BF, yeah, that was shitty too but A. He was originally Tori’s BF and they only broke up a year prior to the episode and B. Not only does Tori feel immediate remorse for what she does (spraying Cat with cheese and then kissing her bf in front of her), but she apologizes and never does anything like it again for the rest of the show. BTW, these are both season one incidents, so clearly Tori grows out of this.

--> Plus, I can relate to some of Tori’s awkward traits, like being kind of annoying, not having the best verbal comebacks and feeling pretty average.

--> On the other hand, I can’t stand Jade. Her attitude reminds me of a girl I used to be on and off friends with in middle school. She ended up embarrassing me in front of the cast of our fall play in eighth grade and never apologized for it. Plus she would say or do things that, in hindsight, made it clear she didn’t want me around.

--> But I mean, at least that girl didn’t steal a pint of my blood meant to be used in a mutual friend’s operation, so...

--> Although clearly, Rex the Puppet is the worst character on this show. Jade at least does stuff, why do we need to have Rex around...?

--> My ships are Tandre (Tori/Andre) and Catrina (Cat/Trina)! Tori and Andre always look like they have fun performing together or just hanging out, and their friendship is just so precious. I wish Cat and Trina had more scenes together, because I loved their road trip in “Tori the Zombie” and they’re both dysfunctional in their own ways, but trying their best!! 

BtVS/Angel

--> Nothing new really. But my Tandre feels reminded me how much I also loved Gunn/Fred and wished that they stayed together. Even their ship name, Funn, is precious and gahhhhhhh breaking them up was a mistake!

My Hero Academia

--> It took me like 3-4 years after watching the first episode, but I finally watched it.

--> I’m surprised by how much I really like Izuku. Like, I normally like the protagonist fine, but Izuku just really stood out to me. He’s socially awkward, but in a pretty understandable way, intelligent and passionate without using any of it to put other people down, and ofc he cares about his friends and saving other people because what shonen protagonist doesn’t? The only thing I don’t like about him is his hero worship of Bakugo, but that’s just my bias.

--> Oh, yeah, I don’t like Bakugo. 

--> Relating to Aizawa the most, and realizing that it’s because I’m getting older hukjdshfaskdnfj 

--> I don’t have a ship I’m the most invested in, but I like Izuku with both Todoroki and Uraraka, and I also like Uraraka with Tsuyu. Erasermic is also really good.

--> Not a fan of Eraserjoke. I don’t like the way she continues to ask Aizawa out and then plays it off as a joke when he rejects her like. Like, it’s such a high school thing to do, it’s so weird seeing two grown adults do it. Just take the L and move on, Ms. Joke. Not only is it creepy to continue asking someone out when they say no, it’s annoying to pretend that you didn’t really mean it because it makes it difficult to read you in future scenarios. 

Fire Emblem Three Houses

--> Love it love it love it.

--> Like Fire Emblem has always been more of my brother’s thing, but with Awakening, Fates and Three Houses introducing easier difficulty options, I’ve found it much easier to get into the series. Like, I’m a pretty casual gamer so I’m not looking for anything too challenging most of the time.

--> Ofc I knew going in I was picking Golden Deer, and I was not disappointed. I love everyone every single student in there. The atmosphere was so chaotic, that I just knew recruiting everyone that I could to make it more so just had to be done.

--> Claude and Hilda are the best lord and “retainer” respectively, don’t @ me.

MCU

--> Uh, I haven’t really kept up with MCU stuff since Endgame (which I didn’t care for tbh). I just wanted to remind everyone that I hate Tony Stark :)

Miraculous Ladybug S3

(me @ this entire season tbh)

--> I don’t really post much about ML on this blog anymore because I ended up making a side blog (for salt mostly tbh). But in case anyone doesn’t keep up with what happens over there, I basically hated this entire season lol.

--> Ok, I loved Silencer. Best episode in the season period, no questions asked. I also really liked Kwamibuster and Startrain. Desperada grew on me over time, while Bakerix was... okay, I guess. And Felix was entertaining, even if I felt that the message that they were trying to get across was forced and meant to shut the fandom up. Oblivio was good until that ending, and once Silencer came along, I quickly learned I had no use for it anyway. It being an amnesia episode did it no favors, either.

--> Just as I feared, the season revolved more around humiliating or putting Marinette in really embarrassing situations for the same of “drama”. The Puppeteer 2 is a really good example of this. And it’s upsetting, because none of this actually does anything for Marinette’s character. She’s not even allowed to breakdown or be upset about anything that goes wrong for her until the end of “Heart Hunter” and even that only lasts, like, ten seconds.

--> Also, I don’t ship the Love Square anymore. Lukanette all the way, baby.

--> Let’s be real, Marinette/Happiness should be the real OTP of the show.

--> The fact that every episode of season 4 is supposed to be as dramatic as Chat Blanc does not leave me hopeful for the future. Like, really, you’re going to use an episode in which an entire timeline’s worth of events gets erased and leaves everyone with no memories of it as the basis of your emotional impact going forward? Um, thank you, next.

Rise of Skywalker

--> Haven’t seen it and after seeing the spoilers, I don’t plan to. I really liked TFA, and was excited to see what they did with the Rey-Poe-Finn dynamic. I was not here for Kylo Ren or Reylo. I guess Finn/Rey is joining Tandre and Funn in my “missed opportunity OTPs” corner. D:

Chocolate/Zen: Warrior Within

--> OMG one of my fave movies of all time. Like I appreciate it more and more with age. It’s basically everything I want in a movie.

--> The scene where Zen discovers that her mom’s hair is falling out and she blames herself for it always gets me. Like I always forget about it, so when I see it again, I can’t help but nearly breakdown myself, because I know exactly what Zen’s thought process is without her even having to say anything. I feel just as overwhelmed as she does in the moment and nearly cry every time watching it.

--> One of the few movies that I wish actually got a sequel. Like I have so many questions that could be answered. How do Zen and Moom adjust to living in Japan? How does Zen’s father try to relate to her and Moom? Do they make any other friends? Will Zen get access to resources that will help her? Will they be further ostracized because of their status as outsiders? As someone who already struggles verbally, how will Zen adapt to living in a country that primarily speaks another language? 

Pokemon SwSh

--> Multiplayer is so much fun and wayyyy more accessible than in the past imo. A bunch of people at my martial arts school would do raid battles before classes, so I would always leave to get there early and play with them. 10/10 experience, and it makes me excited to get Animal Crosssing to do the same thing.

--> But on the other hand, I feel like this game has a lot less going for it than SuMo. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it feels like too much is missing. Like I still enjoy it, but it’s more for the gameplay and less for the story. I’m also not nearly as invested in my team like I was last time (I loved my Sun team so much, I basically kept it the same for US, minus one or two changes). I’m trying to change it fits a “Psychedelic Ocean” vibe (Water/Psychic), and then do an “Earth” themed team for my Shield run but I just haven’t picked it back up since beating the game.

--> The characters were alright. I wasn’t as attached to any of the rivals like I was in SuMo. Leon is my bro though.

[yaz-the-spaz]

Thoughts on the snl joke? Regardless of how harmless the joke itself was, snide shit like that only encourages the overwhelming amount of hate Z gets daily. U know damn well if the situation was reverse Z would be getting CRUCIFIED. It wouldnt be a harmless joke then, it would be Zayn being washed up and bitter. Truth is H and L get away with murder and that's undoubtedly white privilege. For once I'd like to see so called ot5/zarries/etc call out the bullshit. Just say you dgaf about Z and go.

hey nonnie, so my thoughts on it are probably an unpopular opinion but i have to say i mostly agree with rodger on this. and that’s not to say that i don’t understand where the fandom is coming from, people have every right to their feelings and i do think that, regardless of anything else, harry should have been at least mildly aware of how the fandom would take it and how upset people would be by it. but at the the end of the day he knows better than any of us how zayn or any of the other boys would feel about it and given that they’re the ones that are affected the most by this (and not us) and he still made the decision to go through with the joke (not to mention the way liam publicly reacted to it in the way he did) i think shows how little of a deal it probably is to them. look at this way, if he REALLY wanted to hurt zayn, i mean like TRULY, he could’ve done/said something a lot more hurtful, like making a terrorist joke or drug addict-related joke or mental illness joke or saying any number of things wayyyy more snide and cruel about him leaving the band than just pretending to forget zayn’s name and replacing him with a beatles member. i recognize that people have different senses of humor but imo as far as petty jokes go in particular, this one was fairly tame (though you’re free to disagree ofc)

that said, i WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with you that things would be VERY VERY different if it came from zayn, and that h and l do get away with an OBSCENE amount of things that zayn has been, or would be, vilified for were it him in their shoes. the biggest examples i can think of off the top of my head rn is 1) the fandom’s general reaction when they first found out that zayn smoked weed vs the news of harry doing fucking shrooms/damn near hardcore psychedelic drugs and biting part of his own tongue off - zayn got absolutely decimated for a little fucking weed to help with his anxiety and creativity/music-writing but harry gets what? a shrug of the shoulder? a bat of an eyelash? and even worse for me is 2) the notorious weed vid - not only was zayn the main one vilified for smoking weed and labeled a druggie and an addict despite the fact LOUIS was also clearly getting high right beside him, LOUIS was the one to mention the coke reference (‘chicken in chile’ or whatever tf) not zayn, and LOUIS was the one to use a motherfucking abbreviated form of the n-word - where was the outrage over louis’ racist ass, entitled rich white boy ass behavior? absent. yet how many people unstanned zayn a couple years later when they only thought (THOUGHT!) he said the n-word in some random snapchat/ig vid even when it was confirmed that he didn’t and it was just the black guys with him that said it? and that’s not even the end of it, like people hold up things zayn or liam have said or done from forever ago as evidence that they’re homophobic or hated the band or whatever the fuck but harry or louis say or do almost the same damn things and it’s either dismissed or they’re praised for speaking out like what the actual fuck? i honestly can’t fucking stand the way this fandom acts with their racist ass double standards. if you’re gonna excuse one, then excuse them all and if you’re gonna dismiss one, then dismiss them all. life’s not a fucking burger king, you can’t just pick and choose which problematic behavior you’re gonna ignore and which you’re gonna accept only when it suits your own personal agenda and that’s on top of the fact that holding onto shit from ages ago ignores the fact that at the end of the day these boys are still regular people and regular people might’ve said dumb things when they were younger (or even now still) or phrase something wrong but that doesn’t mean they’re not allowed to learn and grow and mature or to get more informed and change their opinion or behavior

anyway enough of me ranting, and sorry this got so long but i just have a lot of feelings when it comes to the racism and double standards that run rampant in this godforsaken fandom

[mark-absolutelyfullycapable-lee]

A Little Jealousy [1] | Lee Taeyong

Summary: Taeyong gets a little too overprotective, and that can cause him to get in trouble—with you and the law.

Pairing: Taeyong x Reader

Genre: angst, sum fluff, slightly yandere!yong

Warnings: some swearing, fighting, jealousy, kinda yandere

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: LET ME START OFF BY SAYING BAD BOY IN LOVE - LEE DONGHYUCK IS COMING SOON!!!!! butttttt my manz Taeyong ;))) nsajbchjbwjbcd this is kinda angst. i’m sorry!!! but it’ll end all good. i was in a relationship for a while where my boyfriend was really jealous and didn’t like my guy friends and lemme tell you, it’s not fun or cool. as much as people write about how jealousy is “cute” it can be something that breaks relationships and friendships and it could even lead to abuse. yeah, everyone can get jealous but if it ever gets out of hand, tell someone. ahhhh sorry for all my speeches i always put but i care about you guys and i don’t ever want you to be sad :(( i love you guys and thanks for the support!

so let’s start with how you and Tae came to be

you met Taeyong at a concert two years ago

One of your friends bought you a ticket to a summer festival for your birthday

since you always spoke about how much you wanted to experience one

at first, you were worried about going to a crowded concert alone

because

let’s be honest

you were scared to go to the movies by yourself

how could you go to a whole day long festival alone?

but for some reason as soon as you got there

you felt comfortable

you stood in the crazy long line

and watched the people around you

laugh and talk with their friends

you kind of wished you had someone to talk to as well

well this is where ur boi Taeyong comes in

its like he read your mind

because as you stood there thinking about how lonely you must look,

he was wondering how he should approach you

he was in line directly behind you and tbh he thought you were pretty cute

but you were by yourself and for some reason that made him sad

but happy at the same time bc he was alone too

so after thinking about it for wayyyy too long

he just taps your shoulder on impulse

“hey i’m taeyong. are you here alone? i’m here alone too.”

and that’s where it started for you guys

you spent that whole day together and even ended up swapping phone numbers

you thought Taeyong was so sweet and nice

and he was

but from the beginning

he definitely had a softer side for you and you only

so you guys began hanging out when ever you both were free

and it got to the point where you guys would adjust your schedules just so you could find time to be together

and of course, you both started developing feelings for each other

Taeyong was the first to confess his feelings

it was kind of unexpected 

you guys had planned a day at the board walk

there were boats you could rent so you and Taeyong decided to try them out

so here you guys were

in the middle of this lake

just chillin in a boat

when out of nowhere, Taeyong just says it

“y/n, i like you.”

you were shocked, to say the least bc

you never thought someone like Taeyong would actually like you back

but after he further explained his feelings, you were beyond ecstatic

Taeyong asked you to be his 

and bam

you guys were together

throughout your relationship with Taeyong, you’ve noticed the little things that irritate him, make him smile, make him upset

all his little quirks 

and you have come to be quite good at reading his emotions

even when he looks like he’s happy, he could be angry

when he looks upset, he could actually be relieved of something

basically, you have just come to know him like the back of your hand

sooo now that we’ve explained all of that, let’s get to present time

you and Taeyong have been together for a little over a year now at this point

before you guys started even dating, he met your friends

so it was normal for both you and Taeyong to show up to your friend’s parties

you two are currently on your way to one of your best friends bday parties

your best friend Johnny literally rented out a whole ass bdubs just to throw his birthday party

this kid is extra

but you and Taeyong decide to walk from your place, since it’s not that far from the restaurant

it’s a little chilly outside, even with Taeyong’s coat around your shoulders

“are you still cold?” Taeyong asks you 

you nod

Taeyong puts his arm around you, trying to warm you up more

you’re pretty happy in your relationship right now

Taeyong is even more of a gentleman than before

he’s perfect in your eyes

and you’re perfect in his

all you’ve been is good to him 

and best believe that he shows you his appreciation

whenever Taeyong is going through a rough time, whether it’s with his family or he’s just having a bad day

you are always there for him

and he honestly feels like he is the luckiest man on the planet because he has you

Taeyong glances down at you as you guys reach the restaurant

he thinks you look great tonight

as he pulls open the door for you, he smiles to himself

he walks in behind you and brings you closer to him

“let’s go find Johnny.” you tell him as you grab his hand

Johnny’s party was packed 

it’s no surprise tho, because he’s a social butterfly who just love, love, loves meeting new peeps

you and Tae squeeze through people, trying to look for Johnny 

even though it’s making you lowkey claustrophobic you see so many friends you haven’t seen in a while 

so it’s nice

after some more maneuvering you guys spot Johnny 

but before you can get to him you and Taeyong hear your name 

”Y/N!” 

you turn to see the one and only Wong Yukhei

your first love 

”Yukhei!” you yell back as you spin to hug him 

Taeyong follows close behind you, eyeing Yukhei 

Tae knows exactly who Yukhei is 

before you and Tae began dating, he had seen the pictures of you two on your instagram

he didn’t like him for the simple fact that he once had you 

 “How are you? It’s been so long! You look amazing!” Yukhei compliments 

as you two chat, it feels as if Taeyong isn’t there

he watches you and Yukhei talk 

he can just feel the anger rise within him 

Taeyong pushes himself next to you, making his presence obvious to Yukhei (as if it wasn’t before but ok yongie)

”oh, Yukhei! this is Taeyong.” you introduce him 

”y/n’s boyfriend.” Taeyong adds, glaring at Yukhei 

”oh, hello. i’m Yukhei.” he says awkwardly 

Yukhei holds his hand out for Taeyong to shake

but what does Tae do? 

he stares at his hand, not even flinching 

you nudge him, beginning to feel embarrassed by his behavior 

Yukhei awkwardly retracts his hand 

“well, i guess i’ll see you around, y/n.”

you nod before waving bye to him 

as you watch Yukhei walk away, you feel Yong grab your arm 

you shake him off bc ur seriously annoyed and embarrassed that he acted like that to Yukhei, who has always been nothing but nice 

before you can walk away Taeyong grabs you again

“where are you going y/n?” Taeyong is hot on your heels as you continue trying to walk away from him towards Johnny

Johnny sees you two and smiles

but of course as soon as he sees the expression on your face, his smile fades

“what’s wrong guys?”

instead of you telling him the real reasons you look annoyed,

ur bf decides to tell him what he saw

“that Yukhei kid, her ex? yeah he was getting too close to her.”

yeah, he really said that

“are you serious?” you say to Taeyong

Taeyong doesn’t see why you’re so mad

but the fact that you’re angry is making him angry

he was only trying to protect your relationship

he just couldn’t lose you to someone else--especially your ex and first love

because you know what they say

you never really forget your first love

but Taeyong wants to make you forget him

he wishes you two could have met earlier so he could have been your first love

it’s not fair

but since he has you now, he’ll love you more and better than Yukhei ever could have

you roll your eyes and begin to move towards Johnny 

“he’s acting rude and jealous for no reason. we’ve almost been together for two years!” you spill to him

as you stand by your best friend, Taeyong honestly feels irritated bc

you should be thankful that he cares that much

right?

“we’ve been together for a while, but you were basically flirting with your ex!”

Taeyong yells, causing a bunch of people to look over

“i was not flirting! if you think asking how someone’s been is flirting, then you need some serious help.” you’re done with him

Taeyong has never acted like this for as long as you’ve known him

why is he starting to now?

out of everyone who heard your voices, Yukhei happened to be one

“is there a problem?” he asks, stepping in front of you and johnny

(Johnny is honestly shook)

Taeyong is #$***//FUMING\\***$#

“our conversations are none of your business” he steps towards Yukhei

“you’re shouting for everyone else to hear” Yukhei fires back

you squeeze between the two--who have not broken eye contact

“guys, stop” you say, glancing at the both of them 

“no, this guy is gonna get what’s coming to him” Taeyong tries stepping closer to Yukhei

“Tae! stop!” you yell as you try to push him away from Yukhei, who’s being held back by Johnny

“why are you defending him, y/n? i’m your boyfriend, not him!” 

by now, everyone has stopped what they were doing, and they’re paying attention to the current situation

Jaehyun has joined you in trying to keep Taeyong back

but of course you can’t really hold two grown men lmao back

Jaehyun cannot hold Taeyong back 

he’s moving forward

he is so ready to fight

and so is Yukhei

you try to get in the middle

but unfortunately

when some people get to their breaking points, they black out and don’t realize what they’re doing

Taeyong seems to be one of those people

without thinking, he pushes you away

but it wasn’t just a soft push

Taeyong seemed to use all his strength which resulted in you falling to the floor, quite hard

but as soon as he’s done it

everyone becomes quiet

he realizes his mistake almost immediately after

“y-y/n, i’m--i didn’t”

you’re shocked

never in a million years did you think Taeyong would do something of the sort

“dude i think you should leave” Johnny tells Taeyong as both him and Jaehyun help you up

“wait y/n--”

“Tae, leave.” Jaehyun demands as they take you away from the situation

you can feel the tears beginning to form in your eyes

“y/n, baby i’m--”

this time you stop yong

“we’re done” you say as you turn around to leave with Jaehyun

tears are streaming down your face and you’re embarrassed that any of that just happened

Jaehyun quickly gets you to his car while Johnny trails behind

you turn to Johnny as hug him like your life depended on it

“i’m so sorry for ruining your birthday” you sob

Johnny pats your back “you didn’t ruin my birthday. plus, you know i love when the three of us spend time together.” he tries making you feel better

but you feel absolutely horrible

Jaehyun speeds up the process of you getting into the car when you three see Taeyong come out of the venue

“i’ll take care of this. go on, i’ll be there soon.” Johnny closes your door before Jaehyun reverses the car

after what Taeyong did, you don’t know if you’ll ever be able to look at him the same again

[kazsbrecker]

Top 10 ocs from other peole?because all your seem so good and I'm sure you have great recommendations?

I’m really glad you like my ocs, it’s a relief because, like any writer, I desire validation more than anything. and it’s hard to believe someone wants my opinion but nonetheless I have stayed up wayyyy too late creating this long reply because I couldn’t stop with just 10 ocs. so here’s 15 ocs I highly recommend in no particular order:

1. Leila Potter by @missjanuarylily .literally the first oc story i ever read and has a special place in my heart for it. The source of my love for sisfic, especially. Lelia is a wonderful character, so well developed and I adore her relationships with Harry and Draco. Honestly I couldn’t read any other Draco/oc fics because I thought his and Lelia’s story was so good. 

2. Acacia Davis by @httpscoot: her prologue still has me in awe, it’s truly brilliant. what’s so cool about Acacia is how both E1 and E2 version are so unique, individually and compared to each other. I can’t wait to see how they will interact and I’m a huge fan of E1 Acacia’s pairing. Wally West deserves so much love.

3. Gabbie Fuller by @hopemikaelscns. Gabbie does not deserve to suffer like she does, but she grows so strong from it. A really cool character with such an interesting arc, her struggles with religion are so relatable and her relationships with her family are complex and real. i love how she grows on her own but ultimately returns to help out her siblings. 

4.Naya Arellano by @emiliachrstine. Star wars is one of my favorite fandoms ever and Naya’s fic is literally writing goals. I have so much respect for the choice of a platonic pairing being the focus of the story and the crux of Kylo’s redemption. Platonic relationships are just as important as romantic ones. Naya herself is full of emotion, so easy to connect with, and her story expands on so many unexplored aspects of tfa.

5. Loretta Jane Swan by @lorettastwilight. I was never the biggest fan of twilight but this fic is amazing. Loretta and her story are just so real, so human in the best ways. I love how genre savvy she is and and how she reacts to all of the situations she is placed in. all of her interactions with the canon characters are interesting honestly, i believe this fic is better than the canon. 

6. Brynn Parker by @scarlctvitch i haven’t even seen spider-man homecoming but this fic makes me want to spend the money I don’t have to buy it so i can better appreciate Brynn. i really love her concept. i’m here for all the sibling relationships, twins sticking with each other through loss and sudden superpowers, but i really admire how between all the craziness Brynn still is a normal girl, a student with homework and with a crush on her best friend. 

7. Caoimhe McLooughiln by @beacon-hills-chance-harbor. Zoe is doing a bit of her own thing by creating her own history and characters for the Dublin Institute and by incorporating irish mythology. It’s amazing and I’m really excited to see what she does with all of this original content. i adore each of the Fianna, especially Caoimhe, who is so strong despite all she has suffered (and will suffered). the potential angst will kill me in the best way.

8. Calypso by @susiesamurai She combines two of my favorite things in the world: greek mythology (specifically Calypso’s story) and thor. thor/ocs are few in number which is a crime. the pairing alone interests me, but this specific concept is incredible. also all of her edits are unbelievably gorgeous. truly editing goals I could never reach. 

9. Kitty Franklin/Petra Novak by @deutches. I love Kitty/Petra for quite a few reasons. Kitty and Bucky’s relationship is really sweet and their life together is perfect (which is what Bucky deserves). I love them, which makes the truth that Kitty is a dream that much more painful and makes the dynamic of Bucky and Petra that much more interesting. It’s really a genius concept, using the fact that the brain uses the faces of people you’ve seen in dreams.

10. Nora Argent by @viragoseries. the first teen wolf fic i ever read and the original point of inspiration for my own teen wolf fic. Nora is such a complex character with so many strengths and so many flaws, but undeniably badass. The Argents are one of my favorite aspects of teen wolf and it’s really awesome to see their story expanded. I thought the original version of Nora’s story was brilliant, and the revival is even better.  

11. Aneksi Stone by @princes-jasmine. Aneksi is just so cool and her story contains some favorite story elements of mine: friends to lovers (Anseki and Isaac’s relationship is so wholesome, so well developed), mythology (a really unique take on hybrids) and mystery (so many unanswered questions but it keeps me intrigued) 

12. Hazel Martin by @perfectlystiles : the gif set of hazel’s insults is still one of my favorites ever. Truly iconic. And she is a literary nerd who references the great gatsby so I cannot not like her. A succubus is a really cool choice of mythological creature and I’m really excited that perfectlystiles is choosing to include even more mythology with the addition of Hazel’s friends (I really respect how Hazel has her own friend group separate from the pack)

13. Myra Stark by @have-fun-storming-the-kastle  game of thrones is a new fandom for me and i just started reading fics for it. i have so many stark feelings and i adore sisfics, so it’s no surprise I enjoy Myra’s story. Incredible prologue that really draws you in and on point characterization. Myra is a great addition to the Starks and I enjoy all of her interactions with her family and with Jamie. Already I want her to become Queen in the North and she has inspired me to start plotting my own got fic. 

14. Tamara Arryn by @chuck-hansens what first caught my eye was Tamarra’s House and parentage. The daughter of Jon and Lysa, the concept alone is brilliant and the execution is amazing. Her and Jamie’s relationship is a slow burn, but it’s true to the characters and their situations. Tamarra’s development as she learns to play the game is so well done.

15. Carmen Alperin by @beauxbatcns. Alfie Solomons is my fave from peaky blinders (i’m forever upset about s4) and this concept makes me smile so much. childhood friendship? fake relationship that leads to catching feelings? i am so here for it. literally a dream fic for me.

Honestly this list can keep going because there are so many truly brilliant creators, amazing ocs, and unique stories. @ocappreciation and @allaboutocs is where you can find many more great characters. I’ve just barely started to interact in the oc community that exists here but I’m in awe of the talent creativity and support I’ve witnessed.