#by his hot warlord wife

[fanaticsnail]

Chapter 7

Masterlist Here, Moodboard Here

Sapsorrow Masterlist

Word Count: 8,800+

The Storyteller - Sapsorrow"Whom so ever fits the ring becomes wed to the warlord who owns it"Themes: enemies to lovers, arranged marriage, forced proximity, lord and subordinate, one bed trope, apprehension, mutual pining, obligation, slow burn, eventual love, protective, "where is my wife" trope.

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Tag List: @maybe-a-bi-witch @fuzzyfestcat @sordidmusings @writingmysanity @gingernut1314 @since-im-already-here @feral-artistry @be-good-please @little-bunnybabe @sukilovesyou @buggyenjoyer @thesailus @under-kitty @acehyacinth @andriannag @one17 @canthebest1 @khaleesihavilliard @quirkyrascal @hungrhay @sentieence @lebanese-afg-ya @captaincupio @szired @sexc-snail @alphaash99 @mfreedomstuff @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @mrs-wolfwood

Notes: Thank you to @i-am-vita for her banner! Thank you for your patience, I had this chapter beta-read twice. Thank you to @since-im-already-here and @vespidphoenix for their kindness in volunteering to do that for me! Such love and appreciation for you both.

Song Suggestions: Casper's Lullaby,

Their Wedding Serendade: Turning Page - Sleeping At Last

“I will not marry him.” 

Her voice held such sorrow, but her cries fell on deaf ears as her governess began to tug her hair into place with the rough scrape of a bone comb. Thrown onto her hands, pale gloves thrust up to her elbows by the hands of her ladies maids; her shoulder straps readjusted to float down her forearms like beams of radiant moonlight. 

“He has heard your demands, and seen them done. You are his princess...”—her governess’ voice paused while she shook her head to rid her eyes of her own tears—“...and now you are his bride. You bound yourself to him the moment you placed that damned band over your unity finger.” The small quiver in her tone had the princess’ eyes spilling over with a fresh stream of hot tears. 

Immediately springing to her feet and snatching her hair out of the firm grip of her ladies maid, she flung herself against the corner of the room. Her face was littered with tears, her eyes swollen and lip bruised from the force of her teeth clamping on them. 

“My princess,” the governess spoke, her hands quivering as they reached out in an anxiety induced panic, “You have been training your whole life to marry royalty. This was a title you were born to bear. You are to be queen of your lands, ruler of your home country. With your union to the king-.”

“-I will not marry him!” She beat her gloved hands against the wall, her enclosed fists almost shattering her bones atop the cobblestone walls. Sobs rocked her shoulders, her wails echoing throughout the hallway and flooded the ceremony space with her grief. Attendees held a similar somber expression, along with royal subjects celebrating with glee at the prospect of a new queen. 

“My lady,” the governess’ voice shook as she stepped closer to the shaking princess and placed her hand over her shaking shoulder, “My lady, please.” 

The bloodshot eyes of the royal princess snapped up to her with a cold and frightening stare. 

“What would you have me do, my governess? Wed this man who is more than twice my age? Dine with this man, consummate a union with this man? A man who already rules over these lands as king? A man who i-is-...” 

Her eyes fluttered closed as a fresh surge of tears fell from her darkened orbs. 

“A man who is my father?” 

The princess rounded on her ladies in waiting, her eyes now incandescent with helpless rage. “What would you do?” she continued. “What would any of you do, were you in my place? The law of the land binds me to this ring. I have become plagued by an unnatural and grotesque curse-.”  Her voice halted in her throat, plagued by her own revelation. 

That is exactly what this was. This was a curse. 

A curse on her soul to bind her in matrimony to her own flesh and blood. Where other children dreamed of fairytale romance, being spirited away into the arms of a lover, she was bound by fate to this ring. 

The princess’s gaze landed on a pot of water hanging in the fireplace. As she walked in that direction, her eyes never leaving it, the water went from simmering to bubbling to boiling over. Hardening her resolve, she grasped the iron handle and removed it from its place above the fire. 

“My lady! What are you-,” the calls of her ladies in waiting were silenced by a single look from  the governess. 

The princess’ sobs began to crack and cackle into maniacal and sinister laughter. 

“I will curse you. I will curse all of you,” she booms, casting the glove from her left hand to reveal a violet ring encrusted with an array of several stones bound within a thick band. Nine stones of unique colors danced within the light, their forms melded into a large central stone in the middle. The green hue of moss overshadowed the radiance of the smaller stones, the thick band dwarfing her unity finger. 

“If you are thinking of casting it into the fire, my lady,” the governess stepped closer, her hands held with palms facing outwards in defense, “The damage is already done. You are bound to marry him, there is nothing you can do.” 

The princess flung the band from her finger and threw the object into the iron pot. 

“In that hopelessness, I shall thee bind,” she intones in a hundred voices, at once of the deepest bass and highest soprano. The attendees within her chambers stepped back, some thrust onto their knees under the powerful boom of her voice. 

“Whosoever shall find, claim or attune to these crafts, their souls shall be cursed under the plague of unity,” she continued, her hair shifting in colors and tones to several shades closer to death, “May their suffering feed my heart with gladness and life, as my suffering brings gladness onto thee.” 

“-My lady,” the governess spoke, her eyes widening in fear as she witnessed the princess wither beneath her curses, “My lady, please-.”

“-And as my yearning for a love true and just shall never be quenched,” the princess’ voice hitched, her own tone dominant within the vocal strands of external forces, “I will allow the wearer to place a plague of conditions on their heart the moment the craft is thrust upon them.” 

Her hair whipped in the unnatural wind, the ring now smelting down into a lava of molten gold. The gems began dancing within the pale light as smoke poured from them in hues darker than night.

“Should their conditions never be completed,” the princess continued, her heart swelling with vicious rage, “I will claim their souls and bind them to my own in eternal suffering a year from the day it begins.” She ripped a fistful of her vibrant hair, placing it within the concoction alongside her tears. 

The ladies in waiting, the maids, and the governess clutched their hearts and covered their screams with their hands as the clouds of smoke spread through the chambers. 

“My lady!” The governess shrieked, “Princess, please! You do not know what it is you are making. This unnatural phylactery has no place in the lands of the living. My princess-.”

“Your Queen,” her voice boomed, her pupil-less gaze snapping over to her governess. Her face contorted into an unnatural and cool gray tone, her vibrant hair lifeless in hue while whipping around her face within waves of spectral ocean. 

“My queen,” the governess repeated, bowing her head to the royal witch. Her hue returned to her, the gold simmering down as she poured the liquid onto the coals below the surface. An unnatural steam rose within the flames, the vapors smelling of metallic blood mixed with the sweetness of honey. 

“I-I just-...” the princess wailed in defeat, her shoulders slouched, “-I just wanted to find love, governess. I wanted so desperately to find peace with a spouse of my own choosing. I wanted a partner to court me; to woo me, to cherish me. I never wanted-.”

“Sapsorrow, your king awaits you,” A voice called from behind the door, interrupting the unnatural scene within. As the ladies glanced nervously between the princess and  the door, the final words of the princess’ confession bound all but one stone within nine rings, leaving the central moss agate laying dormant, as if awaiting a final command. 

“I just wanted a love that was truly mine.”

- 

The echo of those final words plagued your mind, dancing as the concept of time began to mould from the past and spring you into your future. The repetition of ‘truly mine’ rotated and stirred within your slumber, breaking the peace you had once found for yourself beneath your bedsheets. You catapulted from your huddled pile of blankets into an upright position; your damp hair clung to your brow and sweat stuck your nightdress to your body. Your plagued slumber left you with more questions than answers. 

Had the spectre wanted you to see that image? Did she have control over your mind, did your attunement to the moss agate ring bind to you? Drawing your right hand up to your face, you rotated your thumb and index finger over your temples to rid yourself of the nightmare that seemed to persist each time you lay down to slumber. 

A light rap at your door had you jolting from your thoughts, snapping your head towards the wall and hastily making your way over to the interruption. 

“Governess!” A hushed feminine whisper called to you, “Governess, can I come in?” Perona continued her polite rapping, the drum of her knuckles gathering up rapidity against the wood in an anxious thump. You sighed, shaking your head and allowing a small smile to dance over your features. 

Collecting the iron handle beneath your hands, you open the door and immediately become overwhelmed by the embrace of your pink-haired pupil. She squealed into your ear, bouncing happily on the balls of her feet as she attempted to twirl you. 

“You are getting married to Mihawk today!” Her voice squeaked with high-pitched enthusiasm, “Have you tried on your dresses? Have you written your vows? Did you read his letter yet? Have you thought about your perfume? How are you doing your hair? Are you doing it in three different styles for the three different outfits?” 

The sheer rapidity of her questions had you unable to find an anchor to hold them. You fluttered your eyelashes shut, shaking your head hastily and attempting to wrap your mind around her flurry of words.

“Of course you haven’t read his letter yet, I still have it! I am scatterbrained today, my lady. I can barely contain all of the excitement!” She continued, breaking away her contact from you and thrusting a wax-sealed envelope into your hands. 

“Perona-?” You began, your voice halting as she danced past you into your chambers and staring at the two mannequins in the corner of your bedroom beside your changing shield. Her voice caught in her throat, all air relinquished from ballooning her lungs. You turned to face her, holding the envelope close to your chest as a warmer smile drew itself to your features. 

“O-Oh-... Oh m-my-...” Perona’s words found no harbour against her lips, all thoughts became silenced within her mind as she hovered over to the dresses. You allowed a warm giggle to rise within your throat at her fawning over the objects. 

“Do you like them?” You asked her, cocking your head over to the right hand side to find a better angle to read her face. 

“They are beautiful, my lady,” she whispered, reaching her hand towards the sleeve of Sir Crocodile’s creation and halting before her digits found purchase, “Can I touch them-?”

“-Don’t you dare, Perona,” A gruff, masculine voice called from the corner of the room. You snapped your face over to the doorway, noticing Zoro donned in lengthy tan sleeping trousers and a dark yukata hanging limply at the front. 

“Zoro!” You gasped, drawing your chemise closer to contain your form from his eyes, “It is one thing having Perona in my personal suite, but another to have a young gentleman while I’m clad in my nightdress.” Zoro shook his head, his wolfy grin taunting you beneath his down tilted head. 

“Would you change your tune if I said I have wine?” Zoro’s brow quirked up, revealing a green bottle from behind his back with a small, nonchalant shrug. You huffed out a laugh, shaking your head and removing your arms from concealing your chemise from vision. 

“Have you got a saber tucked somewhere on your person, Zoro?” You quirked your own brow up in question. Zoro laughed, turning away from his lean to reveal three swords clinging limply against his hip. 

“You can take your pick, my lady,” he shrugged, his hand lying on the hilt of his favoured blade. You opened your arms to him, gesturing for him to enter your suite with an elaborate flurry of motions. 

“Then by all means, my green-haired pupil,” you mixed your tone somewhere balanced between absolute sarcasm and unwithheld appreciation, “Welcome to my humble abode. Shall we begin by getting ourselves ready for the ceremony, or having a drink before breakfast?” 

Zoro answered wordlessly with a small smirk. Withdrawing the white blade from within its scabbard to claim the cork from the top of the wine bottle, and unlatching the wax by severing the rim with his sword. He reached towards your small dining table, upturning three of the four teacups from their place atop their saucers and pouring the amber liquid to the brim. 

“You gonna open your letter?” he asked, nodding to the envelope clutched within your hands and reminding you of its presence, “We’ll do a small cheers and give you a bit of privacy to read it.”

“I hope you are both planning on giving Mihawk a similar wake-up call,” you laughed, reaching forward and claiming a teacup from Zoro’s outstretched grasp. Zoro chuckled, shaking his head as he raised his own teacup to clash the rim with your own.

“Oh, he’s been up for hours,” Zoro confessed, Perona giggling as he handed her her own teacup, “He’s been brooding in the ceremony space: hovering over the decor and pacing, last time I checked.” Perona struck the corner of her teacup against Zoro’s before meeting the edge with your own. Your brows furrowed, glancing from the corner of your eye outside your bedroom window to seek out the elevation of the sun. 

“How many hours remain between now and the ceremony?” you asked Perona with a partial anxious quiver depicted within. Perona stepped forward, brushing her shoulder against yours in a small gesture of comfort. 

“You’ve got two hours, my lady,” she whispered, prompting your heart to nearly stop beating and your breath to halt in your lungs, “That’s why I thought to wake you-.”

“-And why I thought to bring you booze,” Zoro added, throwing back his teacup and downing the contents in one heaping gulp, “Just to take the edge off.” Your hands stuttered, taking a small sip of the wine within your cup before setting it back down. 

“I thank you both for your thoughtfulness, my dears,” you gave them a small downturned smile, your brows triangulating in the center of your forehead, “I have thoroughly enjoyed my time getting to know you as my pupils-.” 

“You’re going to be our lady now, my lady,” Perona added to your thoughts, “No longer just our governess, but something akin to an adoptive mother beside Mihawk as our apprehensive father.” Your breath caught in your throat, hitching at the thought of becoming unified not only to a spouse today, but upholding a promise to chaperone the two wards at a place of higher standing.

“Don’t think too hard about it, my lady,” Zoro reassured, his brow furrowing down. Placing his mug down on the table, he reached his hands up to clasp your shoulders beneath his heavy-handed grip, “You’ve already got so much goin’ on in your head, just know-,'' his breath caught in his throat as you looked up at him through your eyelashes. He was bewitched by the charm of your melancholy and apprehensive expression, your doubts begin to spiral behind your eyes. 

‘You are not good enough for this role. This is not your place. This is not a role you were born to play. This was a role that always belonged to someone of higher standing; someone of higher class-.’

“-Know we would be proud to have you as our lady, not just a governess hired to serve a role,” Zoro continued, collecting your chin beneath his fingertips to hold your gaze with his own. Perona stepped her body closer to you, weaving her arms around your waist and hastily drawing her cheek to press against your back. 

“I can hear her too, my lady,” Perona whispered into your back, prompting you to break your eyes away from Zoros to glance over your shoulder. Perona’s large, dark eyes looked up at you with sorrow and understanding held within her orbs, promises of empathy propelling her utterances, “And any words she brings onto you harbouring doubt, I will smother you in nothing but kindness and love to reassure you.”

Heart swelling at her utterances, your eyes began to pool over with gladness. The mist of your eyes clouded your vision as Perona continued to sing her praises into you. 

“I love you, my lady,” Perona hushed, her eyes beginning to dance with her own emotion. Her lip quivered, looking up into your eyes with true adoration and love at you, “We both do, don’t we Zoro?” At the sound of his name, Zoro’s breath caught itself within his mouth for the second time. 

You trailed your eyes back over to his, breaking away from your contact with Perona, and meeting his hazelnut orbs with your own once more. No whisper of a word, nor utterance fled his lips; all emotion depicted in the slight shudder of his eye and quirk up of his lips. Sighing out, you drew your arms around Zoro’s waist, turning your head to feel his heartbeat below his warm chest. Perona continued to nuzzle against your back as Zoro’s hands on your shoulders snaked over your back and pulled you both closer to him. 

“I am so glad to have met you both, dears,” you whispered, scrunching your eyes shut and deeply inhaling your insecurities, exhaling your worries into the air as they held you firmly. 

“Zoro, you need a bath. You stink, and I can smell you from here,” Perona called over your shoulder, “I pity your proximity, my lady. He’s probably spilling that musky smell onto you, meaning we’ll have to bath you too- My lady! We’re running out of time!” Perona immediately broke away from the embrace, tugging at your hips to break from Zoro’s grip and leading you to the changing shield.

“You: bath,” Perona ordered, pointing her finger at Zoro, “And you,” she snapped her eyes over to you, “Moon-dress first, right?” You sighed, nodding your dismissal of Zoro with a light smile. Zoro grunted a cough, adjusting his waistband around his yukata, and nodded in return before exiting your chambers. He halted at the table, collecting the half-drunk wine bottle by the neck, before heading through the door and latching it again with a small click.

“My lady, the moon first?” Perona asked once more, taking your attention from the door to gaze into her eyes. You nodded in confirmation, prompting her to shove you behind your changing screen to rid your body of its night chemise. You folded the chemise over the door of the screen, as the variety of items presented themselves to you in order from lesser to grander. 

“Perona, sweetheart,” you called to her, your voice holding an anxious laugh, “There is far too much material here for me to continue thrusting this onto my body.” Perona laughed in response, walking over to the screen and peeking over the top of the wooden frame. She inhaled deeply, a small squeak propelling her inhale. Her brows rose in excitement, her eyes upturning in glee at the first part of the assembly of the moon dress. 

The bodice of the dress clung to your breasts, an ovular shape wisping in layers of tulle and smoothed satin to draw over the midpoint of your shoulders. Trailing down from its seamless layers, your back was joined with an elaborate assortment of ridges and latches. Upon investigating it initially, you were unsure of why such items were joined in bands of silver, onyx and gold to its back until it hit you.

This was truly the moon. 

The silvery hue of the beams, the mystery of fluttered blues and pale whites cascading from end to end; all bound by circular divots of darkened onyx and quartz to resemble faces and craters atop the lunar surface. The many layers of skirts laid a train ending in the same ovular shape as the neckline atop your chest. 

“O-Oh, my g-goodness,” Perona’s voice managed to stutter out, her soul mirrored within her expression of youthful adoration and excitement, “You look so beautiful, my lady. As luminescent and radiant as the moon in peak of nightful.” You sighed with your smile, brows upturning and weight falling away from your shoulders. 

You gave Perona a small twirl, the material pooling and drifting as effortlessly as warm mercury over cool stone. She gave you a small applause and a small jittery cry of joy before ushering you over to sit at your vanity. Glancing up at your features, the illumination of the dress mixed perfectly with the tone of your skin and hair.The task had been executed flawlessly. 

“Now then, my lady,” she said, shaking her head and clapping her hands, “I am going to leave you to get yourself primed, painted and dressed with the jewellery-,” Her eyes widened, “-Jewellery, my lady! I have to get the jewellery!” She hastily turned back around and fled to the door, flinging it wide and immediately cowering away from a large, balled fist descending to where wood once was. 

You recognised the scent first, the smell of cigar tobacco and ashen smoke wafting into your chambers mixing with the expensive and earthy cologne of the hulking and boorish-.

“-Sir Crocodile,” you uttered as you began to rise from your vanity. Turning to face him, the intimidating aura of the hulking man hung behind the threshold of your door. 

“My lady,” he nodded his head in response, his head ducking below the frame to meet the purple hue of his eyes with your own, “May I enter your space?” Perona sucked in a breath, darting her eyes between the man at the door and you in your bridal dress in a small panic. Without turning his head, Sir Crocodile’s eyes met with Perona’s through the corner of his narrowed gaze.

“I harbour no ill intent with your mistress, little mouse,” Perona pouted at his words, prompting the twitch of his smirk to pull at the corner of his lips. He cleared his voice, removing the cigar from his lips and extinguishing the flame atop the stone wall beside the door frame; an action prompting your lips to curl in a small snarl. 

“As I were the means to provide you with such a dress,” his sinister smirk drew up to his cheeks, the huff of cigar smoke pooling from his lips, “I desired to be the first to see you in your radiancy. How are you enjoying your daw' alqamar-,” he shook his head in reprimand for his verbal linguistic slip, “-Your moonlight, my lady?” 

Several thoughts lingered in your mind: a reprimand for using your wall to douse the burnt end of his cigar, asking him to leave your space to continue dressing yourself for your wedding, thanking him for the skill that designed and crafted the garment over your body. Elevating to your feet and walking over to the door frame with precision and grace, you halted your movement and dipped into a low stooped curtsey.

“Sir Crocodile,” you spoke in a low and stern tone, “I would offer my praises and my gratitude to you presently,” your tone twitched in subtle agitation as you rose to your feet, “But I am a bride, and my groom is awaiting me.” Crocodile hummed through his nose, his smirk continuing to hold against his lips as he stared down at you. He took a moment to stare at your bodice, his brow twitching as he cocked his head.

After taking a moment's pause, his eyes softened to a point almost unavailable to an untrained eye. 

“You look beautiful, my lady,” he offered in a hushed whisper, “That dress was made for you by my means,” he stooped lower, remaining outside the threshold but hovering closer to you in proximity, “And you wear it as it you were born to don such a garment.”

At those final words, both Perona and Sir Crocodile left you in your solace to prepare yourself for your wedding ceremony. As you applied the final stroke of paint to dance atop your lips, from the corner of your eye; you spotted the parchment paper sealed with a wax stamp not dissimilar to the letter of summons from Mihawk those months ago. 

Placing down your lip-paint brush, you reached for the letter and unfolded the crease and snapping the small seal holding it closed. Immediately, your eyes widened at its contents:

“My Beloved Wife,

In light of harbouring no such secrets between us; I have written the vows I desired to forge with you, and present them to you before we meet for the first time as husband and wife.” 

You halted your reading, the swell of emotion elevating your heart to a risen drumbeat of both adoration and anticipation. Quickly reading through the customs he wished to claim over the ceremony, your smile broke your sorrow as you truly witnessed how much thought he placed into each declaration and decree. So many elements, so many customs you were learning held meaning for your husband to be; you found yourself awestruck.

“I have no such means for communication with you before we meet to truly know if you agree with the terms. 

But know this, 

I appreciated you for your skill as a governess to our wards, I found myself smiling at your playfulness as my Lost-Lady, and I am looking forward to the future that we will find ourselves forging; unified as one. 

My darling, I do

I will.

And I will always love you. 

Dracule Mihawk ~ Your Devoted Husband.”

A small drop soaked the page, swelling the signature lovingly scrolled ink into the bottom of the page, smudging its words. Shocked, you rose your hand to your cheek to find a damp trail of tears falling against your cheeks; completely unaware of when you had begun to cry. A small laugh flung from your lips, prompting you to sniff and shake your head before setting to the task of reapplying your paints and perfumes to the highest quality. 

The final step was placing the cascading veil atop your hair and covering your eyes, sheer in material appearing to illuminate pale blue under the lights. In your hand, you clutched your bouquet of lilies, roses, and baubles of babies’ breath. Nestled into the arrangement peered throughout were small wisps of blue forget-me-nots, a small nod to your prior filterless encounter with your Farm-Hand and you as his Lost-Lady. 

The halls were littered with similar flowers, illuminating the area with bulbs of roses, flurries of jasmines and hiding within the scattered arrangements: the same innocent and small forget-me-nots in clusters joined with twine. Although walking alone, you felt the presence of all guests loitering within the ceremonial space of Castle Kuraigana to propel you. 

Murmurs of hushed voices, small conversations resonated within the halls and beyond had your heart beating with irregular jumps in anticipation for what awaits you behind the large, closed doors. You sucked in a breath, the trail of your moonlight dress dancing along the lengthy hallway for each movement of your feet. 

‘You are truly going through with this, are you? Joining yourself to a role that you have no place in unifying with-.’

“-Sapsorrow,” your hushed voice rang into the air, the atmosphere cooling at the immediate utterance of her name. Whispers and hushed hums alerted you of her presence standing beside you in her spectral regality. 

“You dare speak my name, Governess?” the voice to your side answered you, your spine and follicles standing in tingles at her tone. You rolled your neck on your shoulders, twitching your hands by your side to rid it of your anxiety as you turned to face the spirit haunting you.

Her hollowed eyes framing her pupil-less gaze found your face, her sinister smile resting comfortably against her lips. Hair swiping in a wind not present as she moved, her dress pooling at her feet like a flag within water. She was a horror to behold, but there was a deep melancholy reflected in her eyes. 

“Queen Sapsorrow,” you stooped low, bowing yourself almost to the floor with your humility, “I express my gratitude to you.” You heard her spectral voice hitch in her unnatural throat, her animosity fleeing from her in the wake of curiosity. Before she opened her mouth to speak her taunts to you, you spoke once more as you rose to your feet. 

“I have no parents; no father, nor mother,” you confessed to her, your eyes depicting your honesty through each word spoken, “No family to call my own, until this very moment.” You stepped closer to her, reaching out your hand to bare your right palm to her. 

“I was alone in this world, drifting from place to place and finding purpose as a governess - an excellent governess,” you corrected yourself with a smile. Her uneasy and cautious expression unwavering for each parting moment you held her hostage with your words. 

“You are the reason I am here, and I will forever be grateful to the future you had bound to me,” She clicked her tongue at you, scrunching her nose to reveal her snarl at you. You hardened your resolve and continued, “Two wards: a man akin to a roguish son, alongside a beautiful and delightful daughter. In this unity: I have found a love that is truly mine,” you concluded, a warmer smile drawing up to reveal your teeth to her in a kind smile. 

Sapsorrow’s eyes widened, her unbeaten heart fluttering and reigniting within her chest at hearing her own words reflected from the lips of another.

“Would you care to join me as I take the walk?” you offered her, stepping closer to her and continuing to hold your hand elevated to the front of you.

“Excuse me?” Her spectral voice called, her tone somewhere between offended and bewildered at such an offering. 

“Would you care to join me as I take the walk, Sapsorrow?” you again offered, gesturing to her spectral hand with your forehead, “From what I know of your history in the tale once told to me, you deserve your own happy ending. Walk with me, and I will be glad to share mine.” 

“You think my curse ends with just you?” Her form faded from vision, her voice reverberating in the hall outside of the ceremony with you, “Oh, I have eight more curses to awaken, you arrogant woman-.” Her voice held source from all corners of the hallway, “-Nine if you account for the clause that stupid tall blonde placed upon the band lying around that inked doctor’s neck!” 

Her sinister cackle broke her sentence, unnerving you more than the words she was speaking,“I shall start with those who aided you in completing your conditions; the easiest of the three to ensnare will be the Crocodile, for I know where his ring lay-.” 

Your breath hitched at her confession, her own words halting as she attempted to stuff them back into her undead lips. A rough spectral sigh drifted within the walls, her face once again revealed to your eyes. She looked softer, almost human now. Her hair was less wild, her face less horrifying, and her eyes soft and baring pupils within them behind her thick and lengthy eyelashes. The was truly beautiful, her sorrow depicted alongside an unfamiliar warmth in her undeath. 

“I will allow your happiness to lie only with you, Lady of Kuraigana. You deserve peace today,” she confessed, a warm smile rising to her lips as she leant forward to take your hand, “Enjoy the time you have with your love.” She stepped forward, pressing her left hand against your offered right, a tingle dancing against your skin at the contact. 

“This is where I leave you,” she confessed, floating backwards slowly towards the high ceilings, “But I will be watching your future closely.”

“Thank you, Sapsorrow,” you offered your gratuity by slinking down to another low bow. Halting her final exit by the upper window, she turned once more and glanced at the corner of her eye at you and smirked through the left hand corner of her lips. 

“The Sun-Dress is my favourite, my lady,” her small laugh propelled one of your own to dance alongside hers, “If I had a heart, I would even show mercy on Red-Hair for such a fine craft. But alas,” her beauty once again faded into the horrifying spectre you had initially seen her as, “I do not.”

Her spectral body disappeared from the window, a swell in orchestral melody commencing as soon as she departed from the space. You were once again drawn to this single moment, your heart beating now in anxiety of what your future held for you. 

You were to become Lady of Kuraigana, bound to one of the former warlords of the seas. The World’s Greatest Swordsman as your beau, the Lord of this land you were now to call home. As you began to step towards the threshold of the door, the wooden barriers were pulled back by members of staff to reveal the attendees within. At the end of the ornately decorated row, your gaze immediately found linked with the honeyed hue of your beloved. 

Flowers lined the pews within the large room, candles alight with warm flames to illuminate the shadowy row. All eyes snapped to you, gasps fleeing from their lips as they took in your incredible beauty dressed in an arrangement as radiant as the moon. You could audibly hear the smirk from the hulking Sir Crocodile, as praises of your dress were flung into the air with their comments and sighs. 

The music swelled, a small smile drawing up to your face as you propelled yourself forward while clutching your bouquet close to your naval. You thanked your veil from shielding your nerves from prying eyes, a small blush dusting your cheeks as you shamelessly raked your eyes over the body of your intended.

His shirt was dipped into a deep ‘V’, tasteful frills decorating the hemline against his collarbone and neck. His overcoat lay open black in colour with the softest shade of mauve within the inner shield. Dark, leather pants were clasped by a golden buckle decorating his waist, the outer frame of his thighs supporting embellished embroidery in the similar mauve decorating his overcoat. Atop his head, his signature hat with his puffed, white feather dancing behind the broad brim and shielding his curled locks beneath it. 

In all your time spent with Dracule Mihawk, you could safely assume you had a grasp on how to read the subtle changes in his stoic face. His lips were barely parted, his eyes only slightly widened and his face only a single shade away from his regular hue with the dusting of the palest pink. Once again, the thought hit you like a puff of cautious wind: you were to wed Lord Dracule Mihawk, become his wife and he your husband. 

If his words to you were left unread and unwritten, you would have no doubt plaguing your mind at this very moment of one thing. Lord Dracule Mihawk was hopelessly, truly and deeply in love with you. 

As you approached the final steps towards him, you slowly turned to view Perona standing to the side of the aisle, noticing Zoro standing beside your intended: both holding similar expressions mirroring your own. You had all been awaiting this moment with the greatest anticipation: from the moment your accidental hands toyed with the moss agate ring, to the knowledge the curse bound you now by fate. 

Mihawk opened his mouth, watching as you slowly placed your bouquet he had affectionately crafted for you within Perona’s outstretched and awaiting hands. The officiant gave you a soft smile, turning to address the large number of attendees scattered amongst the pews in their most formal attire. 

“Valued and adored guests here gathered,” she began, her arms gesturing outwards in a warm embellished wave, “On behalf of the Lord and Lady to be of Kuraigana, I would bid thee welcome to witness the unification of two souls in matrimony.” Mihawk had yet to tear his eyes off you, paying attention to all words spoken by the woman in front of you, but hypnotised by your presence at his side. 

“There are a few elements to witness performed here. We are to leave no stone unturned nor phrase unuttered in their bonds forming,” she continued, turning away and gathering a larger twin candles within her hands and holding them to the side of her body, “Lord Dracule, you may reveal your wife from beneath her shroud, so we may witness her declarations departing from her lips.” 

Mihawk rose his hands to your collar bones, his fingertips pinching the sheer material within his thumb, index and tall finger and hastily withdrawing the shield from your face. He allowed himself the luxury of the backs of his hands brushing with your cheeks as he flung the sheer fabric over your hair, a shaken breath escaping your lips at his tender touch. 

As your eyes met without filter between you, his expression finally revealed more to you than a subtle tick and twitch. The air was sucked from his lungs, his eyes softening as he found his body drawing closer to you almost against his will. You smiled up at him, adoring this new and unrefined experience of adoration dancing over his face. 

“I present you with two candles,” the attendee informed you, placing them out in a gesture for you to take them from her hands, “I shall alight the wick of Lord Dracule's, and he will speak his actions and their meaning aloud.” She lit his wick, gesturing for you to turn to face one another with your candles extended in the middle of your bodies.

“With this flame,” Mihawk uttered in full clarity, “I vow to light your way through all darkness that plagues you.” He extended the flamed tip to ignite your candle in front of you. 

“Under its light,” you uttered with a small bow to him, “I trust you to guide me.” A small sniff from Perona, attempting as she would to halt her emotions from expressing themselves, had a similar experience rising in Zoro behind Mihawk. The two wards witnessing their Lord and Lady now unifying themselves in matrimony finally began to find harbour within their hearts in each passing moment and gesture. 

Taking the candles from you and placing them within their designated dishes on the table and elevating a silver goblet and accompanying decanter. She poured the crimson liquid within the spherical container, offering to place the cool stem within your fingertips. 

“Your cup may never empty,” you expressed, offering to your swordsman the container, rotating the object twice within your hands first and bowing your head low, “For I will be the wine that fills it.” His fingers brushed over yours, grasping them and taking them with him as he elevated the wine to his lips. He continued holding his hands over yours as he offered the goblet up to your own lips. 

“May I be the wine that fills your cup,” his smile twitched at the corner as he added, “And may you always be satisfied with the contents that replenishes you.” A small blush rose to your cheeks as your eyes never broke from Mihawks. He elevated the wine to your lips, allowing for a small sip to pass from your lips. The celebrant reclaimed the goblet from your hands and placed it beside the lit candles, rising now a tray with two cubes of sticky honeycomb atop the surface. 

“This may get a little messy, bear with us everyone,” the attendee expressed, drawing a small teetered chuckle and rise of giggle from your guests. Mihawk allowed the softness to be depicted in his face at the small giggle that fell from your lips, both claiming the sticky cubic piece of honeycomb into your fingers. 

“I shall serve you in all the ways you require,” you both spoke in unison, “And may the honeycomb taste sweeter coming from my hand.” You both placed the sticky cubes within each other’s awaiting mouths, both laughing at the mess atop your fingertips. Without hesitation, Mihawk clasped your wrist, holding your hand in place as his tongue danced around your fingertips to skillfully rid them from the honey. Your shocked expression was shrouded by the presence of Mihawk’s thumb within your own lips, prompting you to perform a similar action to suck the sticky substance to rid its presence from his digits. 

Small whistles and flirtatious commentary fell from the lips of the Red-Hair pirates, hooting and hollering in their support of such an unbridled expression of lust within the ceremony. Another rise of laughter occurred between you as you retracted your fingertips from each other’s mouths. The attendee placed the tray beside the goblet and returned with two thin sheets of material and offered them to Zoro and Perona. 

Perona reached forward and gathered the material within her hands, Zoro apprehensively doing the same with no frame of reference as to why he was doing so. 

“The two wards under the care of Dracule Mihawk will present the ties to bind you, solidifying their positions in upholding you within your commitment to one another as your chosen witnesses,” Mihawk turned away from you, as you did him, to gather the material within the hands of the wards behind you. 

“May our bond continue to grow all the years you choose to remain with us in unity, Perona,” you whispered to her, prompting her to smile through her tears that began to fall as soon as your vows commenced.

“I will stay as long as you’ll have me, my lady,” she confessed in a similar tone, offering the sash for you to take into your arms. 

Although you both were too wrapped to hear the conversation occurring behind you, Zoro and Mihawk had a similar moment parting between them.

“Although you are destined to earn my title as ‘World’s Greatest Swordsman’ in single combat, I am proud to call you a son under my familial name, Zoro,” He uttered with a small twitched smirk and narrowed eyes. 

“I will hold both such titles with honour, Lord Mihawk,” he reached forward, his arms containing the sash and prompting both Mihawk and you to return in facing one another. 

“May this knot you tie demonstrate to those present here the symbol of your unity,” the attendee uttered to you, prompting a skillful dance of fingertips brushing and hands clasping one another to tie the two sheets into a single knot in the centre. You and Mihawk both presented the unified material to the celebrant, who collected it from you by the knot in the centre. She placed the knot beside the dish containing the small syrupy honeycomb remnants, raising a box containing two bands of gold within. 

“My lady, you may raise your hand to place the ring atop your beau’s unity finger and relay your vows onto him,” she gestured for you to claim the larger band within the box, elevating it to his left hand and hovering it over his fingertip.

“My beloved,” you began, glancing from his hand to dart your focus between his two honey-coloured eyes, “These are the vows of promise I swear unto you, unifying us in marriage.” He awaited expectantly his breath hitching once more as you relayed your confession of love onto him.

“I will never possess you, for you belong to none but yourself,” you smiled at him, beginning the descent of his ring slowly over his finger, “I cannot command you, for you are free.” Shimmying the object over his first knuckle, you continued to relay your vows.

“I pledge to you that your name be the one I cry into the night,” your smile cracked at the corner of your face at a small stifled squeak from Perona, “And may mine be the smile that greets you the morning after.” You slid the ring over his final knuckle, securing it to the base of his finger before interweaving your fingertips with his. 

“May this ring be a symbol of my devotion to you, unifying us as one to all those who view it,” you concluded. Finally meeting his eyes once more, his glazed over eyes held such softness for you it felt too intimate for his public persona. He firmly squeezed your right hand within his left before unweaving his fingertips from yours and collecting your ring from the box presented by the attendant. 

“My beloved,” he began, clasping your left hand with his right, and elevating his left hand to hover the golden band above your left finger; his own new band catching your eyes as it danced in the light, “These are the promises I swear onto you through my vows of devotion.” He slid the ring slowly over your fingertip, his eyes never breaking away from your own as he presented his words.

“I will never command nor possess you,” he ushered the ring over your first knuckle, “For your will belongs to you alone.” Sliding the ring over your second knuckle, he continued to relay his vows slowly onto you. 

“I pledge your name to be cried from my lips in the night, and my smile-...” his right hand gently squeezed your fingertips as his smile drew up onto his face, “-be what greets you on the morrow beside you.” Perona stifled another squeal behind her unoccupied hand clapping over her lips, prompting a smile to break over your own lips. 

“May this band unify us in matrimony, and be a beacon of my promise to all who view it,” Mihawk concluded, immediately stooping his lips to press a chaste kiss atop your knuckles, much to the detest of the celebrant. She clicked her tongue to reprimand him, shaking her head with a smile of her own. 

“Given your lips can’t hold their restraint, my lord,” her warning tone playfully reprimanded him, “I will now allow for the lord and lady to solidify their unity in the sharing of their first kiss as husband and wife. You may both collect each other and seal your covenant with words left unspoken. You may now share your lips with one another.” 

Mihawk immediately began his descent, cradling your jaw beneath his left hand and shepherding you towards him with his lips parted in anticipation. You hastily drew your own left hand up to his right cheek, your right hand finding purchase on his waist and anchoring yourself to him as he finally pressed his lips onto your own. 

His lips were slow in movement, savouring the sweet taste of sugary honeycomb mixing with the bitter wine presented to each other earlier. He gasped into your mouth, opening it to deepen the unity between you by presenting a small flick of his tongue into you. His nose brushed with your own, his hand on your jaw fell immediately to your waist and clutched you firmly against his waist. Brows furrowed in unbridled passion, the world around you fled from memory at each press of his lips against your own. 

You slid your hand up to clasp his shoulder, a small squeak fleeing from your mouth into his as he turned your body in a low dip towards the guests in their seats in the pew. This action drew you away from your lustful hypnosis, the applause and cheers of your guests gleefully erupting into the air. He hastily drew your body back upwards with the flitter of your luxurious dress pooling behind you. 

“I am now delighted to pronounce, through this seal of unity,” the celebrant concluded her presentation, “The Lord and Lady Dracule of Kuraigana. Celebrate and uphold them, and may jovial celebrations continue into the night with merriment.” Mihawk clasped your hand and placed it into the crook of his left elbow, beginning his ushering of you to flee with him from the ceremony space to continue into your reception. 

Several of your guests greeted you both with their offerings of congratulations and affirmations, Red-Hair Shanks prying your husband away from your arms with his arm hooking over his shoulders and ushering him into a warm embrace. You made eye contact with the first mate of the Red-Hair pirates, who offered you a polite smile and the nod of his head; both of which you returned with actions mirroring his own. 

However, as soon as you became distracted by the embraces falling to your now husband, your elevated mood of joy was immediately halted as a floating and severed gloved hand clapped over your lips. You could not offer a hum of protest, nor a scream as your body was pried away from Mihawk’s and into the hallway outside of the ceremony space. 

“All part of the plan, Starlight,” a soft, nasally voice reaffirmed you in your ear. You turned your head to meet with the face of the flashy-fool himself, his face painted to the highest quality. His hand rejoined his forearm with a small suctioned ‘pop’.

“I’m gonna take my hand away from your face now, alright? You gotta be quiet and listen to what I’m ‘bout to tell you,” He nodded, his eyes serious with no room for joking. You nodded in return, prompting a smile to rise to his lips. 

“I’ve done some reading,” Buggy informed you, his tone apprehensive and nervous, “And there’s a custom in Kuraigana regarding weddings that sounds way too fun to be left out of ol’ Hawkie’s.” 

“And what may that be, sir Buggy D Clown?” Your frown deepened the longer Buggy kept you away from your new husband. He chuckled at your apprehension, a sly smile now developing further in elevation. 

“You are to be dressed in a new gown, no longer a bride but a wife under his name,” he confirmed with a nod, your understanding reflected in your own nod. “As your new dress is placed onto your body, you’re a new woman. And as a new woman,” his eyes twinkled with mischief, “Your groom has to woo you to win back your favor.” 

“What are you saying, sir?” you narrowed your eyes, and threw him an accusatory and pointed look. 

“What I’m saying, Starlight,” he continued, linking his arms with yours and beginning to shepherd you further away from your celebration, “Is that I’m going to kidnap you and dress you in your starlight gown,” he grimaced a small grin, “I may have had a couple of my crew break in and steal the mannequin earlier,” he quickly uttered before waving his hand in front of him to halt your protests, “And he has to humble himself and perform a skill worthy enough to win your favour.” 

Your bewilderment was pictured over your face, looking from his eyes and apprehensively allowing him to draw you to the peer. 

“What type of skill, Buggy?” you asked him, your curiosity peaked the longer the clown explained himself.

“Could be anything, Starlight,” he shrugged, his playful smirk pulling wider. His eyes twinkled, the paint falling within the crows feet beneath the blue and white hues, “He could dance, sing, recite poetry, he could even juggle. It truly doesn’t matter as long as you’re impressed and successfully wooed.”

You took the moment to study him. From his painted face, to his beautiful assortment of a red and yellow diamond patterned vest, to his tanned leather pants, and all the way back up to his hair braided and styled away from falling in front of his eyes. He threw his best grin at you, his lips curling in an apprehensive and crooked smile. You shook your head, stepping closer to him. 

“Does Mihawk know about this?” You uttered quietly, your dress shifting behind you in your haste. He sighed out a shuddered laugh of dark glee.

“Oh, I’m certain Red-Hair is filling him in right about-...” he trailed off, thinking long and hard about his answer. As soon as your feet found the wood of Buggy’s ship, the anchor rising and sails drawn down by his crew, he gestured to the doors of Castle Kuraigana in the distance.

“-Now.”

[seat-safety-switch]

Dear Seventeen Magazine, I am writing in response to your "Girl Talk" article from the July 1996 issue. In it, you ask for stories about the most embarrassing dinner mistakes the reader has made. I hope that the delay in responding is not inconvenient for you. I have been incarcerated for awhile, and was thus unable to reply quickly.

My story begins with my arrival at Grosvenor Manor. I had been invited there by the Governor himself, as part of his quarterly fundraising. Putatively, to the media, he said that it would be for the new art museum, but in reality, we were there to back his re-election campaign. In particular, the Governor was worried about his chances up against "Wildcat" Tom McCaffrey, who had been right on his heels, so-called "self-funded" by his dealership network.

Being "new money," it was likely that I would be bullied by the other rich folks, but my mother had always raised me to stand up for myself. That's part of why I had the money at all, being the last surviving member of my special forces unit. We had stolen a large quantity of gold, art, weapons, drugs, and exotic animal remains from a local warlord and decided, rather than to turn it over to NATO, to simply sit on it ourselves until the war was off.

Naturally, it was worth millions of dollars. I had lived reasonably well, but still well-off, ever since. I bought a base-model Jaguar from a demolition derby claimer lot, and purchased a house with stereo speakers inside it, but sadly that house would never get to play Chumbawamba's famed Tubthumping in my possession. The events of that fateful night would guarantee it.

Remember how I told you that my mother raised me? My upbringing was a little rough. One of the things I never learned was how to deal with a tablecloth. I had tucked it into the waistband of my trousers, in order to prevent my lap from inadvertently receiving any spilled lobster bisque.

Unfortunately, when I got up to go to the washroom, I completely forgot to un-tuck it from my waistband, and I pulled the entire tablecloth over on the Senator's wife, scalding her with boiling-hot clam chowder and, yes, even more lobster bisque (they served it by the gallon.) There were some heated words, and things escalated from there.

Thank you for reading my letter! I look forward to picking up the new issue of Seventeen from the news-stand wherever I am currently hiding from my parole officer.

P.S. Did Space Jam end up being good? A lot of the other guys in prison talked about it, but the warden refused to play it for us.

[centuryberry]

Queen of the Mountain AUs

With Act I of "Queen of the Mountain" coming to a close soon, I'd like to share little AUs and ideas I have of this fic that I'm considering writing. The first two are directly connected to Queen of the Mountain while the other two are AUs with more mature themes.

Unforgivable AU: In which, the Hot Springs Incident never happens and Shanzha is sent over to FFM as Wukong's bride like in canon. Despite RinRin and Yue's efforts to escape the clan's clutches and reach FFM, they were unable to save Shanzha, who had haplessly triggered her own route (platonic) and was killed by Macaque. While RinRin was eventually able to bring Shanzha back to life, the act was done and Yue has no desire to form a connection with Macaque - uncle or not. The three leave FFM and live their lives. Centuries later in the LMK era, a grown Yue reunites with Macaque and Wukong. (Angst/Eventual Forgiveness/Modern)

Warlord Shanzha AU: After the end of RinRin's Route, Wukong and RinRin renew their marriage, and Macaque and Shanzha (heartbroken) decide to focus on retrieving Yue from the Zodiac Monkey Clan's clutches. When the dust settles, Shanzha reluctantly becomes Clan Head and Warlord of the Land of Eternal Snow. Macaque becomes her advisor and trophy husband, and the pair end up being a platonic power couple. Wukong and RinRin reunite with them later during the JTTW era and old feelings reemerge. Yue may or may not be working behind the scenes to help set them up since the pining is ridiculous. (Humor/Second Chance/Parent Trap)

Fae AU: Faelord Wukong catches sight of Macaque hiking in his forest with his family (Shanzha and Yue) and falls in love with him at first sight. So he lures Macaque into a fairy ring and whisks him away. Macaque desperately tries to find a way back home while trying to resist Wukong's advances. This is made even more difficult when Wukong's wife and fellow Faelord, RinRin, decides to do the same with Shanzha. Or, as I'd like to think of it, two cringefail supernatural beings try to seduce a hot pair of mortals into staying with them forever while these two desperately try to get back to their daughter. (Mature, Dark Themes, Supernatural, Kidnapping, Eventual Poly)

A/B/O AU: In which, Wukong and RinRin (both Alphas) are longtime rulers of FFM whose lives and perception of themselves are turned on their heads when they offer sanctuary to a pair of traveling mated Omegas (Macaque and Shanzha) who are expecting their child. It's mostly an introspection on the gender norms for both primary and secondary genders, established unconventional pairings and how they make it work, self-repression due to societal pressures, eventual self-acceptance, and how inherently and gloriously queer the poly is no matter how you shake them and look at them. (Mature, Unconventional A/B/O dynamics, Eventual Poly)

I'm open to expanding on any of these AUs! Of course, my main focus is on the main fic, but it's nice to dabble in different ideas!

[hazzyking]

Take two. I'm getting writers block so I wanna try something fresh. Enjoy a Mihwak x Reader

Either anime or LA is perfect ((like my Buggy~)) but this fic is based off LA Mihwak

If you like this and want a smutty part 2 let me know, and I promise. I will write a part 2.

Just a Guy in a Bar

The sun sunk below the horizon giving the Barite a nice orange glow and that same firey glow to the water. You walked in and took your seat at the bar that wrapped around the mouth of the fish ship. The Barite was a perfect venue to you, a nice bar with plenty of space for dancing and a live band, and it was neutral ground for you and your crew to wind down after a long seven months on the grand line.

Once the sun had been replaced by the moon, the Barite was lit with candle light inside and outside, giving the ship a golden aura to shine off the navy blue water. You sat at the bar twirling your drink in your hand, you felt a slight tickle on your cheek of a feather, confused you turned and realized the back of someone's hat was completely invading your space "uh- scuse me" you said tapping the strangers thick leather jacket. The stranger turned around, revealing his piercing yellow eyes that were focused like a hawk - or, like a really wine-drunk hawk from the looks of it. "Mihwak?" You said surprised."What are you doing here?"

"A warlord isn't allowed to go out for a drink?" He said sitting next to you. "I should be asking you, what are you doing here" Mihwak chuckled holding a wine glass in his hand as he leaned against the bar.

"Okay your clearly drunk and super out of character right now" you chuckled putting your hand up as if to catch him if he toppled over.

"I am not drunk" Mihwak said like a white girl who had too many tequila shots.

"Alright" you said in defeat.

"(Y/N) right? How is your life of pillaging and plundering?" Mihwak said smirking darkly.

"You gave up that life remember Mihwak" you chuckled looking the warlord up and down. "You payed a visit to Shanks didn't you?" You smirked and then realized the warlord become defensive.

"A child has a 30 million bounty" Mihwak said "a child Shanks knows well"

"Yeah. I know that child" you chuckled. "Why are you here getting Wine-Drunk, because Luffy is worth a whopping 30 mil?" You asked curiously.

"Were getting old" Mihwak admitted, which caused your face to soften. "It's only a matter of time till the Luffy's and the Zoro's of the world become better than us old dogs and faze us out. Some day everyone will be a warlord and everyone will be an emperor and none of these silly titles will matter" Mihwak simply put- slurring his words a little. This was a surprise considering he was normally, such a well spoken man.

"I don't think warlords will matter in the future Mihwak- the world government-"

"I know, is the enemy. Shanks told me all about how I betrayed the pirates by giving up my bounty to serve a greater purpose" Mihwak said almost falling into you, you put your hand out to catch him, touching his fair, hot skin.

"Mihwak, let's go somewhere more quite, maybe you could sober up a bit" you chuckled taking his arm and leading him to the back dock of the Barite. The area was quiet but you could still hear the band faintly. You looked over at the water, how the moon made the navy blue ocean twinkle, it was almost magic to you. The magic was slowly interrupted when Mihwak attempted a graceful seat next to you which ended up with him stumbling and spilling wine on himself.

"Fuck" he muttered. You laughed, realizing you've never herd him swear before. "What's so funny Dove?" He said in his proper voice again.

"Shockingly- you" you giggled. "A great and powerful warlord is sitting next to me, soaked in wine... and wine drunk like a middle aged house wife" you laughed looking at his serious face which slowly erupted into laughter as well, you watched as his eyes crinkled and his yellow orbs were just barley visible his laugh was beautiful, and it almost took your breath away.

"I told you- I'm getting old" Mihwak sighed. "Sometimes I wish I was just- some guy in a bar. And not- rewnoned swords man" he sighed looking out at the ocean, your features softened as you leaned back to be on the same level as him, your hand was placed on his leather jacket. Your fingers tapping on his chest.

"Your not old." You simply said. "Your still the same old Charming Mihwak. The only difference is- your not trying to overthrow the government" you giggled watching his lips curl up into a beautiful smile.

"You think I'm charming?" He said his eyes darting between your eyes and lips as he began to lean forward a bit.

"Mihwak-" you put your hand up to his lips "as much as I really want to kiss you right now- I can't take advantage of you" you said, regretting the fact that deep down you cared for the swordsman.

"I'm not drunk" Mihwak said smiling. "It was an act" he chuckled looking at you. You looked at him too stunned for words. "I just wanted to get close to you" Mihwak admitted. You felt heat creep up your neck and onto your face, you knew you were bright red by now. "(Y/N)? You really wanna kiss me?" Mihwak said with a smile.

"Well, when I thought you were drunk and you weren't gonna remember what I said. Uh yeah" you laughed awkwardly.

"Hey- I'm just a guy in a bar" Mihwak said as he gently brushed your hair back with his fingers and cupped your face, his gentle touches sent shivers down your spine as he pulled you into a delicate, passionate kiss.

[halevren]

Never Stop Blowing Up Spoilers || my live thoughts as I watch episode 3

I have plushie of one of my beloveds with me today. Very special! I also didn't realize it was 7pm already but I had perfect timing because I just made popcorn

HELLO ONE AND ALL

"You stopped the cameras right?" Nooooooo

I'm getting gender envy from Alex's hair style and it's. Awful because I'm currently trying to grow my hair out

I wonder if they need all the objects that they were given to get out of Never Stop Blowing Up. Maybe that's why the lights turn on and off. making that theory into its own post

I love this cast so much

crushing style

BLOW UP

So much blowing up already!!!!!!

PAULA

KINGSKIN IS STILL HOLDING HIM

OH GOD

I need Greg Stocks in ways that is concerning to feminism

"Going down?" I love you Jake

MORE BLOWING UP

uncle meat....

OH MY GOD THE SLUT DAD SHIRT IS IN THEANIMATION AND ITS A CROP TOP

BLOWS UP

LA FAMILIA

CAN I TOUCH HIS NECK

I love Rekha

2 INCHES OF BLOOD

So thin and weak

I love the dome effects, it really adds to the vibes

Kosher belly roll

PROTECTOR WENDELL

one

5E X NSBU

i don't care how small the room is i cast fireball

YOU HAVE TO HONOR THE COCK

can I just shoot the people unconscious

DOUG MEAT DOUG MEAT DOUG MEAT

"What's the status of the elevator right now" "bloody"

slither out

we're here for you rekha

"Not everyone."

DOUBLE BLOW UP FOR USHA

G13 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

DID IT

shshshhshshshhhhshhshshhh

I like Ally's method of collecting fail tokens on non important rolls

I LOVE YOU DOUG

SO HOT

"You're my warlord" DOUGGGGG

DOUG WILL NOT DIE I WILL CRY IF HE DIES

this is called yelling........

Russell is so stressed

FIRST D20 LET'S GOOOOO

Nat one.

NUKE CODES...

DON'T GET BACK TOGETHER WITH YOUR EX WIFE

SHOPPINGGGGG

"All that is menopause blood?"

WENDELL.

LONG KIDS SIZE

I feel so bad for this shop keep

how is this shopping the funniest thing ever

YOUNG GIRL OF 50

"Are you going to fuck this couple?" "I'd love to."

AUSTIN POWERS.

CUCK. CUCKHOLDING

I'm having a sexual awakening right now chat. I don't know what kind but it's happening

dang dang dang dang

WAAAAAAAAAA NOOOO HE'S STILL A VIRGINNN

CAN I SAY SOMETHING CAN I SAY SOMETHING CAN I SAY SOMETHING

30 BACKFLIPS

BACK FLIPPING AT 15 MPH?????????

oh Paula.....

BLOW UP

oh nevermind

that's such a good boy ♡

BLOW UP

absolutely beefed it. screwed the pouch

SMELLING SALTS

hey so. what's this. what is this.

latex throat pocket

throat purse.

jake is slowly bringing up his kill count

BACK FLIPPERS

"What weapon are you looking for?" "a grenade....." "It's not a gun"

SIXTY TWO OR LOWER

BUTTERFINGER IT

SHES CRYING

so much giggling

"FOR WHAT?"

that is terrifying

NO ONE SEES USHA'S BACKFLIP

WITH BIRTHDAY MONEY

YOU CAN RECON THAT

THEY TRICKED HIM

USHA

"OH MY GOD I AM JACK MANHATTAN"

CLETE GUNSHOOT

BIG TAKE OF GATORADE

I would love to see the character sheets at the end of this episode. So much exploding has happened

DOUGGGG!!!!!!!!

"I thought I was just like this."

"you HAVE to go to Stanford Liv"

supra

HOT RODS

SHAUN NITRO

THE END? I WANT MORE ALREADY PLEASE

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Honestly, who would WANT to be a vampire in Twilight? Because, really, it kinda sucks.

Yeah, sure, you're stronger and faster than anything else on the planet, you're practically invulnerable and, if you're really lucky, you get superpowers.

But that's not gonna mean shit when you're either a homeless nomad living in a cave or sewers with nothing to look forward to besides your next meal. Everyday is just an endless wanderering in a world that soon you'll no longer recongise.

Or, if you do get a cool enough superpower, you can join the Volturi in eternal servitude to: A barbarian warlord who has long since been made practically redundant thanks to the walking nukes that are the twins.

A husk of a man who never got over his wife's murder and is pretty much a hair's breath away from chucking himself onto the nearest bonfire.

And the guy who murdered the other guy's wife, who was also his sister, to keep the other guy for his superpower. If you're even the slightest threat to his rule, unless your name is Carlisle Cullen, you'll end up the same way.

And when you do inevitably die it will be painful, brutal and humiliating as you are torn limb from limb and tossed onto a pyre to burn into ash. No grave to mourn at, no sign you existed at all.

You have no society, no history, no culture. Just death. Humans, though to vampire live and die in the blink of an eye, have all these things. They change, grow and learn everyday. Each one will leave a mark on the world, either great or small, that shows that they existed, they were here, they mattered.

But a vampire? All they'll leave behind is the trail of bodies and destroyed lives in their wake.

But hey, you're super hot too, so it evens out. I guess.

The answer to your question is Bella Swan.

Why?

She thought about exactly none of these things.

EDIT

Since my pithy response has garnered some comments:

Yes, I know Bella's only seventeen, is depressed, and sees vampirism as her way out

Yes, Bella fundamentally does not understand what vampirism is and thinks it's being rich, beautiful, and having a family and that none of these things apply to her.

[queer-ragnelle]

Hi there! Is there a retelling where Lot is a good, well-written character? So far I've seen he's usually portrayed as a full-blown villain or at least a complete jerk, and it makes me sad because I think that he is much more complex in the Vulgate and Le Morte (and also at the beginning in Les enfances Gauvain, 10/10)

Hello!

I'm a King Lot enjoyer and apologist, I got you. Good Lot is so hard to find. Actually the best Lot is trapped in a mediocre book, The Winter Knight by Jes Battis. He’s a single dad working constantly to support Gawain. It’s so cute. Sleepy depressed dad ily. But it's a reincarnation urban fantasy drowning in "quirky" modern references that really killed the vibes for me. Canadian Lot ain't cutting it. :^/

For a more medlit-abiding story, I like Lot in Bedivere by Wayne Wise particularly because even though Gawain (and eventually Agravaine) bend the knee to Arthur against his wishes, Lot is kinda proud of them for having conviction it was sweet. He was like "Noooo don't be your own men haha ;^)" And then he just....let's them do what they wanted without giving them shit for it. Refreshingly normal parent. He didn't fight [much] with Arthur either he's like, "Alright whatever me and my hot wife are going back north to the babies bye."

Lot and Morgause are both kinda funny in The Story of Sir Launcelot and His Companions by Howard Pyle just because Gareth is their favorite and they spoil him lol It actually made for a compelling kitchen boy story because it explains where Gareth gets his attitude which is what gets him in trouble with Kay. The whole court fawns over him to be in the king and queen's good graces and made Gareth a brat (affectionate).

Lot is barely a character in Sharan Newman's trilogy but he's a good dude and Agravaine is the only kid he actually sired so he likes him best. Surprisingly upstanding interpretation of them both. Here's a quote from The Chessboard Queen.

Not the step-dad but the dad who stepped up Lot? More likely than you think.

Lastly I wouldn't say Starz Camelot (2011) has a good Lot, but he's very sexy. He's in the first two episodes (and comes back as a vision in a later episode). He's definitely a bloody warlord killing whoever but he's really into Morgan. I mean duh, look at her. Things go downhill quickly but...James Purefoy the man that you are....

This turned into a long way of saying Gaheris is never the favorite kid. Anyway that's all the King Lot I have for you. Take care!

[strscrossed]

i miss warlord & his sexy hot lady wife no4

I miss them too. especially now that I’ve finally cracked mikasa’s arc thanks to the last chapter!

[dalesramblingsblog]

Oh for fuck's sake Voyager are we doing the Great Replacement now? Really? "Don't trust seemingly confused and helpless aliens because they might secretly be scheming masterminds who want to subvert your entire culture?" Christ almighty.

Look, I really do try and give Voyager the benefit of the doubt. From the third season alone, episodes like Distant Origin, Remember, and even Future's End rank as some of my favourite pieces of Star Trek ever. I'm not some guy who's gonna go around blithely hating Voyager for the sake of its being Voyager.

But this ugly reactionary streak keeps manifesting and I'm really getting tired of it.

Warlord: "Oh man Kes is in a skintight jumpsuit and might want to kiss Galyn Görg, isn't that so creepy but also kinda hot?" Why thank you Warlord, I'm glad we could make up for Deep Space Nine's not having any Mirror Universe episodes this year.

The Q and the Grey: "Oh man wouldn't it be so funny if Q's ex showed up just to call the franchise's first female captain to headline a TV series a bitch? Let's also have Q make dated '50s sitcom ahh references to his newfound wife as 'the ball and chain.'"

Blood Fever: "Now listen, don't go repressing your sexuality, because that might lead to bad things. But also if you try to force yourself on your superior officer we're not gonna reprimand you in any way because you're just following your biological urges. And feel free to beat the snotters out of each other by the way."

Favorite Son: "Wouldn't it be so cool if you got to hang out with Howard Hamlin on a planet of smoking hot women and practise polyamory? No, it wouldn't! Because female sexuality is an inherently corruptive and evil force and only evil space vixens would dare wield it against our poor stout male heroes!"

Real Life: "Aren't *those people* with their hip ho- sorry, Klingon opera and their gang initiations so scary? I sure am glad we can all come together as a white heterosexual family unit, which is the only worthwhile family unit by the way. No, what even is a gay person, somebody call David Livingston to stop those extras holding hands. Anyway, since you didn't ask, here's what *I* thought about the 1992 LA riots."

Look, to a certain extent I'm just dicking around here, and I know that there are all manner of problems of this kind to be found in the long history of Star Trek. Deep Space Nine, just this same season, did Let He Who Is Without Sin..., and we're barely a year away from Profit and Lace, so please don't think that this is just a case of me . But equally, when you lay it out like this... I dunno, man. The third season of Voyager seems, to me at least, particularly regressive.

And I know I've said this before but what the hell happened to Lisa Klink between Seasons Two and Three? Like, four of the episodes I cited were written by her, and nothing prior to Warlord gives off the vibes of "Yep this person has weird views about the world." What, did she spontaneously pick up reading 4chan as a hobby over the summer? Is it just a case of being handed awful scripts and trying desperately to craft a functional teleplay out of them? In all honesty, probably.

But even so, it's very unfortunate, particularly for someone who proved they could write some truly great episodes with Hippocratic Oath, Resistance and Remember.

I know I've got some people in my audience who seem to consistently enjoy Voyager a lot more than I do so I do apologise if I've caused offence with this one, but it just... really wouldn't leave my mind.

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s3 ep10: Warlord

Another alien possession episode, this time mixed with a rare foray into castle intrigue, this is also a big Kes episode. Kes was one of my favorites when I was a kid, and I loved getting to see her fighting spirit come out here. Despite not having the strongest plot, this is def one of her strongest eps.

It opens with a shot of Neelix experiencing some kind Talaxian foot oomax that's presumably supposed to be funny, but is actually just truly awkward, and something I didn't ever need to see. They're on the holodeck, and this is the first ep where we see the tropical resort program that the crew will take to playing around in for the rest of the season. (It's kind of cute how the crew goes through fads of which holodeck program is the cool one for them all to hang out in.) Tom and Harry are there, and Harry's wearing his slutty little see-through mesh shirt, which I love, because it's the same one we saw Libby wearing in the alternate timeline in 'Non Sequitur', which means Harry brought it from home when he left Earth. I love little continuity details like that! Plus, he's slaying in that thing, that look is fire! (And then later B'Elanna shows up in a sparkly swimsuit, and it's just like wow. ok. just gonna hit us over the head with half dressed hot people in this ep huh? Rude. And her saucy little 'yeah i'm a bad bitch' wiggle as she walks away is just like, illegal levels of hotness. how it took me until my late 20s to figure out I was bisexual when I grew up watching this show, I'll never know.)

Then we go to the bridge, where Voyager is rescuing a small ship that's going to explode. They beam the three survivors to sickbay, and one of them dies while Kes tends to him. Not long after, Kes's behavior starts to become odd. When she meets Neelix in the holodeck for lunch, she snaps at him, and tells him how annoying he is (valid, tbh, but so not Kes) and ends up breaking up with him rather abruptly. While I admit I wasn't sad at the idea of Kes and Neelix breaking up, it did feel very out of character. We soon learn the reason- Kes has been possessed by the spirit of the dead patient, a bloodthirsty warlord.

The possessed Kes and her alien friends shoot the transporter chief, then hightail it back to their planet. (Though why they shot him when they were already gonna get beamed down, idk!) I gotta say, I love the matte painting of the castle on this planet! They really went with a full on fairy tale type castle, and it looks really cool. I wish they'd have gone with something equally castle-y for the interior set though, because it was just another nondescript grey design without any distingiushing visual identity.

After they retake the castle, all trace of Kes's personality is gone, replaced by the 200 year old warlord Tieran, who changes into a black leather catsuit, and swans around killing people and yelling orders. Jennifer Lien does a great job portraying the evil warlord, making her voice gruff and growly, and sneering and slinking around the castle like she owns the place. Tieran uses her telepathic powers to hurt people, and attempts to seduce people over to his side, including Tuvok, when he came to rescue Kes- they really are determined to make her kiss every man who's old enough to be her dad on this show, aren't they?? Ugh. (But yet, they didn't go for her kissing Tieran's wife- Rick Berman probably said nuh-uh, no gays allowed! But then a few scenes later, no one had any problem with Kes/Tieran suggesting a threesome with the wife and the prince that Kes/Tieran is now betrothed to- I guess gay shit is okay, as long as it's only used to show how depraved the villain is - ugh!! Only allowing evil characters to be queer is worse than zero representation at all. Tbh, that shit is probably why it took me so long to figure out I was bi- growing up, only evil, immoral characters were ever depicted as bi on tv, especially on DS9, where the evil mirror universe characters were almost all depicted as queer. It's pretty hard to think of yourself as bisexual when even Star Trek depicts it as a perversion, rather than an actual normal thing for normal people to be. I know now most of the writers and actors didn't feel that way, and it was Berman's homophobia overruling everyone else, which makes me feel a little better, but still. It's a huge thorn in my side when I watch old Trek, and it makes me want to vandalize Berman's house with rainbow paint. Happy Pride Month, you asshole!)

But we learn that Kes's mind is still there too- that she haunts Tieran's dreams, and fights him so hard she gives him headches. I love the scene where she stands up to him, and assures him that she'll fight him relentlessly, and that he should be afraid of her; and best of all, we see that he actually is afraid of her! Tiny little Kes, spooking the hell out of a gruff, growly guy twice her size! We love to see it!! Kes is the clear winner of their battle of wills- Jennifer Lien brings so much intensity to it, she's truly ferocious, and it's awesome! I remember how happy I was to see Kes finally get her assertive badass moment back when this first aired. Kes was the relatable stand in character for the young girls in the audience- my grade school friend and I both loved her- so it was a real thrill for us to finally get to see her presented in this strong, forceful way, like all the other characters routinely were. One of the reasons she became less of a favorite for me as I grew up was recognizing how often she was infantilized, relegated to being a sex object, or an emotional caretaker, for male characters, or not fighting back when she was treated disrespectfully. So often she was written off as being the naive, softhearted innocent, when she was clearly capable of being more complex and interesting if they let her break out of that mold. I really appreciate that they let her do that here- it's a tantalizing hint at what her character could have become if she'd had more time on the show, and writers who believed in her more.

After Kes successfully fights back against Tieran, the final scene is her and Tuvok back on Voyager, discussing what happened. Kes admits that what she went through was a big deal that changed how she felt about herself and her relationships with her friends, and she wonders how she can go back to normal. Tuvok, ever the good space dad, tells her that she can't, but she can move forward in new directions, building on the strength she found in herself. It's rare to have characters on Star Trek actually talk about how much the crazy things they deal with every day actually effect them, and I appreciate that they did it here. It's a lovely scene, and even though Kes is still troubled at the end, we know she'll have the support of Tuvok, and all her friends on Voyager, as she finds her way forward.

Overall, this episode was a run of the mill 'bad aliens posssesed somebody, we must get them out!' story, with a twist of royal intrigue silliness that doesn't fit well with Star Trek's tone. It felt more like a Xena or Hercules plot than Star Trek. They literally have a Tony award winning actor in the cast- Anthony Crivello was playing Tieran's aide, Adin- but he practically blended into the scenery of this over-the-top, psuedo-medieval fantasy plot that gave him nothing to work with. Nontheless, I appreciated Kes being given an opportunity to take the spotlight, and to show a steely resolve underneath her sweetness and cuteness.

Tl;dr: One of Kes's strongest episodes, despite a weak plot, which marks a turning point for Kes's character on her path to becoming more mature. Essential for Kes fans, and anyone who wants to see her branch out beyond her usual storylines.

[peony-pearl]

Fire Lord Ozai has just been crowned.

Iroh and the warriors leading the siege have returned to the Fire Nation.

Zuko is still adjusting to the changes after his grandfather’s and cousin’s deaths, and the disappearance of his mother.

Azula is thriving as the beloved, talented princess, often seen trotting beside her father as he strolls down the hallways, flanked by warlords and servants.

Zuko, done with his studies and his duties, ambles around the palace with no real goals. The hallways seem so much bigger, so much emptier now. So much darker and colder, despite his father’s hotheaded temper.

The pond seems gray. The turtleducks are getting bigger, and soon the little ones will leave for new homes.

Zuko wanders aimlessly, eventually finding his way to his uncle’s hallway, leading to Iroh’s side of the palace, where he’d once lived with a wife and his son. Zuko entered the suite, where it was engulfed in darkness.

Iroh hadn’t made himself known in the days since he returned. Zuko often wondered if he had even come home; he hadn’t seen his uncle set foot back into the palace, so his absence was concerning.

Zuko and Azula had often snuck into these chambers before so Azula could pilfer some of Iroh’s cinnamon candies, and so they could put on his helmet and armor and pretend to be the Dragon of the West. Azula would wear his helmet, too big for her head, and take a teacup and sit ever so pristinely pampered and pretend to sip from it as she ordered people to be flayed alive as Zuko laughed.

That laughter was gone. Zuko turned the corner and saw Iroh’s door ajar. He could see a shape on the bed. He inched closer, slowly opening the door to see Iroh, turned away, curled up and unmoving, even as the door creaked open.

Zuko stood for a moment. “Uncle?”

Iroh just barely budged, but didn’t turn back. Zuko walked forward, eventually slipping onto the bed next to his uncle.

“...I’m sorry about... about Lu Ten.”

Iroh remained still.

“I know it’s... it’s hard.” Zuko continued. He swallowed, thinking about his mother. “It’s hard because... you can’t tell them that you’re scared or... or that you love them. And you miss them and... and you just want to hear them say something again.”

Iroh remained still.

“... This morning I told dad I miss mom and he... just told me to stop being stupid. I heard Azula crying last night but when she heard me say that she just looked at me really dirty.”

Zuko looked at his uncle’s unmoving form.

“... I don’t think it’s stupid to miss anyone. I missed you when you were gone. I missed dad when he was searching for the Avatar. At least I think I did; mom said I would cry for him. But she never said I was stupid for missing him. She said it’s because I love him and... and I do love him; so why would he call me stupid when I told him I miss...”

Zuko’s words trailed off. Where was he going with this? So many thoughts and emotions plagued his young mind. He felt the hot tears at his eyes, the warmest thing he’d felt in days. He reached over, touching Iroh’s shoulder.

“Uncle?”

Iroh remained still.

Zuko’s slowly building hope crumbled, like a child’s sandcastle. He sniffled and shuffled to leave.

“I’m sorry I bothered y-”

Out of nowhere, his arm was pulled back into the bed, and Zuko’s face was suddenly scrunched into Iroh’s chest.

Iroh held Zuko close, his face a twisted piece of work as tears had drenched his skin for days. Zuko instinctively grabbed back at Iroh, holding tight.

“You aren’t stupid, Zuko,” Iroh’s already gravelly drawl was broken into thick pieces of sorrow. “And you could never bother me. Not now.”

Zuko couldn’t dam away the burbling emotions of the past week as his chest erupted with quiet, seizing sobs. He felt Iroh stroke his hair, and the uncle cradled his nephew with all of his might.

“I’m sorry”. The two of them repeated to each other - for so many things.

Iroh remained still - not once pushing away his nephew, and holding him with all of his might as they remained in the darkness, hoping to piece together a few broken fractions of their shattered hearts.

[akaiuchiha]

Chapter 5 (English): Alabasta Here We Are, The Meeting

Zeff finally set foot in Alabasta 2 days later. The past two days had been incredibly awkward and the little group took Yan to the doctor almost immediately. His situation hadn't worsened but it also didn't improve. 

The chef was followed by Patty and Carne who decided to stay with him for the time being while the rest of the crew had started to wander around. They were at Nanohana right now and according to Kehos, who still dared to speak to him, the doctor he told him about was living there. 

From what he could see, Nanohana was a port town, which meant he would probably be able to find a navigator willing to come with him. 

Zeff knew the Strawhat Pirates had helped Alabasta. They talked about how a marine named Smoker had apparently saved the country from the warlord Crocodile but he also knew that Monkey D. Luffy had been there and Zeff knew better than to trust the Marine's propaganda. He was quite sure Luffy had been the one to help them all, it was who he was, he did as he wanted, and the rumor of Princess Vivi being their friend was enough for him to be certain of that.

And if Luffy was the real savior, then that meant the people would probably help him if he said his son was part of Luffy's crew.

However he didn't take that for granted. 

“It's freaking hot here. How are we supposed to survive ?!” Patty said with sweat rolling from his forehead.

“I don't know, maybe because they are locals ? Use your brain for a second.” Zeff replied with a grunt.

“It must be the heat frying his brain cells.” Carne while grinning.

“Oh for God's sake shut up.”

When they reached the city centre, they were surrounded by all the noises, colors and smells coming from the shops, the clients and life itself. Zeff had no idea how to find the man he was looking for. He never took this path when he sailed the Grand Line the first time. He had no other choice than to ask people if they knew where to find him.

Apparently, Carne had the same idea and went to a stall where a woman, probably in her twenties, was selling spices.

“Excuse me Madam, would you know where we could find a man named Koil? He's a doctor.”

“I don't know him but you should ask there.” She showed him a stall held by a man and his wife. “They are known as the hypochondriac couple. They think they have every disease that exists and they went to many different doctors. They might help you.”

He thanked her and this time, Zeff went first. The man seemed to be fifty-something and so was his.They both looked anxious when they approached and took a step back.

“If you want to buy something, do it quickly.” The wife said while crossing her arms.

“Do you know a doctor named Koil?” Zeff asked.

“Why do you want to see that liar? He's good for nothing, I have no idea how he became a doctor. He's not even able to tell us what we got!” The man started to spew on the doctor.

“Sir, we just want to know where to find him.” Patty added, clearly tired of his nonsense.

“Oh, easy. You go up the street and it's the worst house you'll see. How dare he call himself a doctor…I swear this man….”

Zeff, Patty and Carne didn't hear the end of their speech, they had left the moment they had told them where to go. 

“What the hell was that. People just can't take what changes have happened to them now.” Patty said.

“Patty, you know it's not easy for them, right? It's a paranoïa, and even more, it's something regarding mental health, just like other more known problems like anxiety. It's something that IS a sort of disease but not the kind they think they have.” Zeff explained while looking around to see if the house was here.

“I don't understand how this works.” Carne said.

“You don't have to understand a problem to be able to have empathy. I thought you knew better not to judge someone different from you.” 

Zeff ended the conversation on this bittersweet note. He had to say, he was frustrated by their reaction. Yes it was tiring and the couple hadn't been kind with them, but still. 

Everyone had problems and everyone had a different reaction to said problems. Maybe he should do more mental health awareness on his ship, he had a kid who probably had anxiety after all. 

They arrived in an area where there were less people and more houses. They had left the market area and now were in the living part of the city. Carne saw a kid running around with a ball and went to talk to him.

“Hey kiddo, do you perhaps know a man named Koil?”

“Uncle Koil?” The kid asked while taking the ball in his hands.

“I don't know? Is he a doctor?”

“Yeah! Uncle Koil heals everyone here! He's the best!”

“I see well, we'd like to see him, could you lead us?”

“Follow me!”

The three men glanced at each other, nodded and followed the little kid. He was still playing with the ball and humming while taking them to the doctor's house. But from what the kid had said, if the man was an important person, the chances for him to  go with them were low.

The kid stopped right in front of a big house with a plate near the door. 

“It's here!”

“Thank you kiddo, you're a good little one.”

“My mom always says that!” The kid giggled with a big smile on his face.

“And she's right. Now we have to go inside, thank you again.” Zeff said and couldn't stop the wave of nostalgia this kid brought with him.

They entered and were immediately faced with a huge entrance hall. Children's drawings were hanging everywhere and a lot of furniture, chairs, tables, shelves, everywhere.  

Patty took the lead and went to the door on their right and opened it. Inside there was a bed with a desk and medical supplies. It was probably where he worked.

They closed the door, turned around and were faced with a small man, with grey hair and a beard, wearing glasses and clearly not happy to see them.

“What do you want? Why are you rummaging?”

“You must be Koil, right?” Patty asked.

“No I'm the king you fool.” The man answered with a poker face.

“Really funny old man.” Carne said.

“Enough you too. We didn't know where to find you and a little kid showed us the way. Can we talk to you?”

“Tss..follow me.”

They went upstairs and entered what was the man's office.

“Well, what do you want from me. I don't heal people for free.”

“We are searching for a doctor to set sail with us. Would you join us?” Patty finally said.

“Ah! Pirates I see. I won't.”

“We're not pirates..we're a restaurant crossing the Grand Line.” Carne mumbled.

“As if I'd believe you.” Koil crossed his arms and glared at Carne.

“A man recommended you to me and said you'd understand if I told you about the situation.”

“Which man? I know plenty of them.”

“Kehos. Him and his friends sailed with us from Whiskey Peak to Nanohana.”

Koil raised an eyebrow and seemed more interested. 

“Kehos, the man who looks like a puppy?”

“Yeah him.”

“Ah I see.”

The doctor sighed and sat down. Patty and Carne seemed to be uncomfortable and they were fidgeting with a scowl on their face. Zeff wondered who taught them social manners because they clearly lacked here and he had been a pirate.

The chef sat down and was soon followed by his staff.

“Why do you need me?”

“You see, I'm sailing the Grand Line but we don't have a doctor and a navigator. I plan on finding a navigator here too but for now a doctor is our priority.”

“In what world did you think it was a good idea to do what you're doing?” Koil scoffed.

“In a world in which my son is in danger.”

By the look Zeff's answer created on the other man's face, it was a good explanation.

“Your son?”

“Yes, my son. He's part of the Strawhat Pirates and I'm sure you've read the newspaper.”

“Ah. The one getting married… I have kids too, they grow up and have their own lives now.”

“Don't even dare thinking that my son is willing to get married for his birth family.”

The air around them was tense and everything was about to snap when the little kid entered with four people they knew oh so well.

“Uncle Koil! Uncle Koil! They're back!”

“I can see that. Great timing you four.”

“Don't tell me…” Yan, finally on his two feet, said.

“I see you've met the chef.” Tara added.

Now, the situation was even worse. It was almost as if a spark would ignite the room. It was Kehos who broke the silence.

“So they told you about their problem?”

“Of course. And you thought I'd follow them.”

“Well…yes?” Kehos said hopefully.

“My boy, you're too naive.”

“But you saved us! You can save them too!” Kehos replied.

“You four were kids left alone in the desert!”

“Well their friend is in danger! It's just like for us!”

“No it's not!” Koil almost screamed.

Kehos gasped and took a step back. Yan looked at him and squeezed his shoulder before exchanging a look with Tara and then he started to speak.

“Old man, as much as I dislike them, they saved me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I���I had an allergic reaction on their boat to something I had never tasted before, no one knew and that man over here saved me. We just came back from the doctor and because I had been taken care of, my condition easily improved.”

“I didn't know he could talk that much without being hostile.” Patty whispered to  Carne.

“Shut up you too let them speak.” Zeff told them.

Yan seemed to be embarrassed by the whole situation. His cheeks were two shades darker and he kept bouncing from a leg to another. Eri had been silent the whole time but if eyes could kill, they would all be dead.

“Uncle Koil, please follow them. They saved Yan like you saved us and as much as I'm wary of them, I can't deny they did help us and that the allergic reaction wasn't entirely their fault..” Tara said.

“I still think this is a bad idea.” Eri mumbled.

“You think everything is a bad idea Eri.” Kehos replied.

Koil watched them intently before he closed his eyes. Silence came back and now they were all waiting for the man's reaction.

After what seemed hours, Koil opened his eyes and looked at Zeff with a resigned face. 

“Fine, I'll go with you. But don't expect me to be kind with your crew. I'm merely doing it because the kids asked me so nicely.” The sarcasm in his voice could be easily heard.

“Then it's settled. Our boat looks like a giant fish.” Zeff said while standing up.

“A fish…how ridiculous.” Koil rolled his eyes. “I have to prepare everything for my departure, get out of my house.”

“Thank you uncle Koil!” Kehos happily added and seemed to be seconds away from jumping on the man to hug him.

“Yeah yeah, you owe me a favor, kids.”

“As always…” Eri ended the conversation by leaving the office.

“We'll leave when the Log Pose is set. You can do everything you need in this span.” Zeff told Koil.

“Near the port you should be able to find a navigator. They're all too willing to leave this place.” Koil grumbled.

“That we'll do.” 

They all left the office without looking back. At least, it was one good thing for them. 

[transingthoseformers]

Warlord Twitch

So the humans(or human like creatures) that are left are mostly in hiding from the war so yes the young Terrans don't know much if they know anything about humans. So yes Mirage would definitely ask that question and Twitch will tell him about her two human siblings and her humans parents. She's very gentle about it but she does remind Mirage that part of the war is getting revenge for her human siblings passing before they were supposed to

Once Tero explains that he is Thrash Nightshade feels a little bit more comfortable but not a lot and Megatron is sparkbroken because he knows that Optimus wouldn't have picked Thrash at such a young age unless he had no choice.

So a bit of a time line because we're jumping all over the place

End of first war

Prowl starts looking for Tara

Earthspark (15-30 years give or take)

World starts to end (Dot, Alex, Robbie and Mo die)

World ending gets worse (60 years give or take)

New baby terrans (Hot rod, Brainstorm, Mirage and Smokescreen)

Just when you though it was bad the world ending gets worse (20 years)

Nightshade disappears into the woods

More new Terrans (Cyclonus, Slipstream and First Aid)

Optimus puts the trio in Stasis

Thrash becomes Tero, Twitch starts her decent and Hashtag and Starscream get captured

War starts

Twitch starts her search for nightshade (a little less than 30 years in)

Bulkhead comes back and it makes Wheeljack feel guilty (40 years in)

Prowl finds Nightshade (75 Years in)

Halfway point of war (100 Years in)

Umm a bunch of stuff I haven't figured out

Last quarter (150 in)

Megatron wakes up (160 in)

Nightshade and Megatron head to the autobots 2.0 (160 in)

Twitch gets into Nightshades old lab (161 in)

Prowl and Tara finally reunite (170 in)

Hashtag and Starscream are set free (171 in[I might move this up for more interesting consequences])

War ends (about 200 years after start)

Twitch has her "I lost my way" talk with Megatron (3 years after end)

So that's what I have so far

Exactly yes yes yes exactly exactly! I wanna see Twitch telling Mirage stories about Before.

ohhh tero. Nighty is absolutely going through it, Megatron is disoriented, and Tero has been in over his helm for a while now.

The current timeline you just outlined makes sense! In the "we don't know yet" category, we can (possibly?) put in some of the warcrimes that we don't know the specifics of yet, and i think we should also consider who of the older bots n cons might actually be dead-dead.

OO O AND WE CAN BLAME THE QUINTESSONS FOR SOMETHING SOMEWHERE. I'm fucking right but the Quintessons will be in earthspark at some point or another because i mean c'mon think about all the Quintus Prime stuff and the emberstone but also the Dweller (which is one of the Technoorganics™️ which is a thing with the Quintessons and we might see more of those locked away in earth!), the Quintessons will be involved at some point.

May i suggest that at one point the humans tried to do ~stuff~ in the war and well. Shit went down enough to make them choose flight instead of fight

Do you think bases should get destroyed/rebuilt a couple times. Because i do.

First time that Shockwave suggested a MAJOR major warcrime to Twitch, and what about the first time she agreed?

First death of the second war (Does optimus count as this or was it someone else)?

How were the first wave of new non-malto terrans created and what about the second wave? (As in, what is the emberstone doing and what places is it going)

Are there yet again more terrans created after the second war?

How is Breakdown doing after the "loss" of his wife Bumblebee?

[for-dramas-sake]

Let's End the Year with a Kiss!

We all do it. We watch dramas for the romance, but also the skinship. Don’t deny it! I do it too. So why not end the year reviewing my favorite kiss scenes? So uncover your eyes you blushing drama fans and let’s get started!

The Maid's Revenge kiss scene *sigh* When Tingyao FINALLY admits her feelings and Tianyi FINALLY is able to admit he's always loved her. The angst is freakin real! It's a beautiful moment and a sexy kiss.

Want to see more hot kisses? Keep reading

Speaking of hot kisses! These two have enough fire to light the bedroom on fire. The Only Girl You Haven't Seen is about a prince pretending to be stupid who marries a young lady who was once was an assassin. The prince, here, was given an aphrodisiac drug but tries not to act on it for fear of scaring his wife, but it's his wife who takes the initiative for him. Go girl, go!

Out of all the kiss scenes (and bless them, because there are many) in Love Between Fairy and Devil, this was my favorite. Dongfang Qingcang is jealous as hell that his girl likes the warlord and shows his possessiveness right in front of him. It's a huge eff you and I love it.

The Little Wife of the General had a long wait for the husband to eventually fall for his wife and when he did we got some awesome kisses including this one. However, it's bittersweet. Wifey is sentenced to death and the husband is upset, so how to resolve the situation? Make out scene in cell number 5.

Two assassins get married (not knowing their real occupations) and drama ensues because they are on opposing (and yet not) sides. Here they find out the truth, have a battle with each other Mr. and Mrs. Smith style and then kiss it all better.

I forgot to add The Killer is also Romantic to my favorite dramas list. Oh well.

And we can't forget Pan'er and Qianfan's hot makeout scene from a Dream of Splendor. It's secret revealing day at the tea house and these two let it all out and then they get busy to the kissing.

I think that's enough perving for now. Here's to more dramas and kisses in the new year!

Happy New Year everyone!

Did you even read what I've written? or did you just look at the pictures? *wink wink*

[kaerinio]

as wife to a warlord, daenerys was expected to learn how to treat and dress a wound, especially in cases of smaller, mostly inconsequential injuries. during her initial days in the khalasar, she learned the basic knowledge and skills from both schools of healing within their band ( herbal and instrument-driven ). she knows how hot to boil wine for disinfecting, how to make a simple poultice, how much pressure to apply to a wound to staunch bleeding, how to bind a wound, and how to stitch smaller cuts/stabs. prior to drogo's death, she tended to plenty of his wounds. i would say that her knowledge is very, very surface-level, and in cases of injury amongst those close to her, she will just summon a healer.

[whenthegoldrays]

Okay, review time for Around the World in 80 Days (2004)!

I actually really liked the setup and concept of this adaptation. Making Phileas an inventor, though being just the sort of change I'd expect from a Disney adaptation (minor eye roll), actually plays out quite nicely, taking him the logical extra step beyond an educated gentleman who knows about science, to being an actual scientist.

I admit the trailer misled me about how the wager came to be, and Passepartout starting a gossip chain and inspiring the wager in order to get out of England quickly was unexpectedly hilarious.

So our two heroes set off, landing first in Paris, France. My hopes are high, and so far I'm thinking this movie could end up being a solid 7.5/10.

And then I realize I spoke too soon.

Things quickly get annoyingly wacky. First Phileas meets the lady who will become his love interest — an aspiring French artiste (RIP Aouda).

After some action involving the Chinese gang trying to steal back what Passepartout stole (back) from the Bank of England, the trio set off in a hot air balloon and soon find themselves on a train that, after a time skip (and an admittedly hilarious scene involving Phileas and Mademoiselle Monique's — gasp! — uncovered ankles), stops in Istanbul.

And then, we are thrown into one of the most uncomfortable scenes I have ever been subjected to, featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger (?!) and the traveling trio in a hot tub (?!?!)

Prince Schwarzenegger wants Monique as his seventh wife, Phileas saves her by threatening the prince's precious statue of himself, and they run. Time skip number two has us in India, and guess what? Inspector Fix is here too!

(Side note: the men discussing the robbery and deciding to send an arrest warrant for Fogg to India and one of the stuffed shirts going, "Thank God we own India!" is legitimately one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Thank you for your Very Subtle introduction to British colonialism, Disney.)

Fix is actually, legitimately, the most sad, broken husk of a man I have ever seen in my life. You could knock him over with a feather. How did this man get to be a police inspector in the first place? Your guess is as good as mine. But in this adaptation, he's a corrupt officer bought by the men of the Academy of Science to stop Fogg's journey. He actually somehow manages to get one (1) handcuff on Passepartout, only to promptly be used as his weapon to fight off the gang that's pursuing them.

Long Annoying Action Sequence, Phileas and Monique nearly kiss, and we're off once again!

We are now in China, in Passepartout's village (where we learn his real name is Lau Xing). Fogg, feeling rightfully betrayed when he finds out that Monique and Passepartout have been keeping the bank robbery secret from him and thereby putting his life in danger unnecessarily, storms off and decides to continue the journey on his own.

[insert Even Longer Annoying But Kind Of Plot-Relevant-This-Time (Though Not Enough To Make Me Want To Write About It) Action Sequence here]

Uhh... *checks notes* oh yes, Passepartout/Lau Xing accomplishes his mission of returning the sacred relic to his village, and then Fogg leaves China alone.

(Wow, one way or another, every adaptation has had Passepartout accidentally causing trouble for and then getting separated from Fogg between China and San Francisco!)

In San Francisco, Phileas has 19 days left to finish his journey. He's basically got the wager won — and then all his money gets stolen because he is A Literal Fool.

Passepartout and Monique catch up to him three days later, finding him failing spectacularly at being a beggar. Emotional Reunion, etc etc, and they cross America, meeting the Wright Brothers along the way (an actually really funny and good scene, featuring Owen Wilson!!)

And then it's time for Final Annoying And Probably Even Longer Action Sequence! This time featuring an unfinished Lady Liberty! Also featuring Scary But Cool Chinese Warlord Lady.

Maybe it's just because I already don't like long fight sequences, but these felt especially dragged out as they were so largely silly and exaggerated. I suppose it's a Disney movie, after all, but still. Not a fan of that.

And then, Phileas, Monique, and Passepartout board the ship Carmen (would it have killed them to call it Henrietta?) and, once the captain decides to go full speed ahead for the sake of Fogg's wager (which he's also bet some dollars on) and finishes up the coal, they resort to the classic practice of dismantling the ship and using the wood, but not to burn it for fuel! Instead they build a flying machine, the design of which Fogg somehow still remembers after briefly looking at Orville Wright's blueprints several days ago. (Also, there's a really weird... thing that I wouldn't call a joke involving the captain and an encounter with a shark that made me very uncomfortable once again.)

They fly into London (never mind that they would've had to go through Liverpool first), crash on the steps of the Science Academy, and the clock strikes twelve noon, indicating that they've lost the wager.

But then, in another painful reminder that this is a DISNEY MOVIE (!!), Phileas's rival, Lord Kelvin, starts ridiculously monologuing about how he sent assassins and other saboteurs after Fogg, and after a little girl states that the Queen will stop his evil plot, he begins to mock the Queen in the most cartoonish way possible, only to come to find that (of course) she's standing right behind him.

Kelvin is arrested, the Queen explains the International Date Line loophole, and Phileas and his companions rush up the stairs of the Royal Academy, winning the bet with over 23 hours to spare. He and Monique kiss, everyone cheers, and that's ✨the end✨

Honestly, this had the makings of a great campy adaptation and was incredibly funny at the beginning and other moments scattered throughout. The jade Buddha plot is actually compelling and General Fang is a cool villain that's on par with what I'd expect from Disney (in a good way this time). Unfortunately, this movie suffers a lot in translation. Fogg's romance with Monique is just... there? It feels incredibly rushed, with the actors not even having that much chemistry.

Speaking of rushed, I suppose we all knew that things had to be sped along to fit such a long narrative into a two-hour movie, but adding all those long action set pieces drained away a lot of the time that could've been spent building an actual bond between Phileas and Monique, or including anything found in the original book at all (RIP Inspector Fix, we hardly knew ye).

Also, Fogg is not very likable. I don't know what it is about him that just rubs me the wrong way. I think I'm officially placing him as my least favorite Phileas Fogg of all the ones I've watched.

And while, like I said, about half of the jokes and comedic moments land pretty well, the other half is just plain cringy and sometimes even painful to witness. At least those moments aren't dragged on for very long.

And what else to say about this film? I suppose it could be enjoyable enough if you're not familiar with the source material or show up with no particular expectations. But even then, one would more than likely notice the insane pace and lack of chemistry between the romantic leads. Jackie Chan is good though.

Despite a valiant effort, this movie lands, as expected, at the bottom of my ATWIED adaptation ranking, with a 5/10 rating.

Time to cleanse my palate with the David Niven version.