#by the way im still fucking pissed out of my mind that i spent 30 fucking dollars on a golden age cd thats in fucking MONO

[unethicalexperiments]

idk how to really start this but like. my mental state is just so exhausting like im so tired of it. theres no reason i should be this volatile theres no reason i should react to situations the way i do. just last night i had a weird (not even that bad) interaction with a stranger and it pissed me off so much i tried to kill myself. i wasn't sad or embarrassed i was just so furious over it, because it was a 10 second interaction and i couldn't explain myself to the other person, and i was just so fucking angry i was ready to physically hurt the other person over it well after i walked away. and then once i got home i was so upset that i got that unreasonably angry over a nothing interaction. and its not like i even got angry while i was still with the other person! it wasnt until after i walked away! there were only two thoughts circling in my mind for about 30-60 minutes after (idk im so bad at keeping track of time) that were just "why do i react to things like this" and "i just want it to stop hurting" bc thats the worst of it it just hurts so much. i swear im in physical pain after having breakdowns like that i feel hollow in my chest and obviously i dont have to say anything else about how much it emotionally hurts. i just want it to stop hurting. is that really too much to ask for? to not be in so much pain for just a little while? i guess i still havent come to terms with the fact that im disabled, because i still think of being disabled as someone who uses aids, even though i know invisible disabilities are a thing. i dont see other peoples invisible disabilities as being invalid, just really my own, because i still feel like im high enough functioning that i shouldnt consider myself disabled. i dont use mobility aids yet i dont take pain medication yet so therefore the literal brain damage i have isnt bad enough, im still fine. i kind of got off track but thats also part of it i guess. another thing that really gets me is the fact that i actually do have bpd, i was diagnosed by an actual doctor at 17 and its still a more than valid diagnosis. i feel like im in this constant cycle of "i have to get better because i cant keep living like this" and "i have to get worse so everyone else can see what theyve done to me". like last night i literally had to sit down and reread the dsm chapter on bpd to remind myself this is why youre like this. you do have this diagnosis its real and it is a problem. my 30 minute episodes of actively trying to kill myself to be followed by watching tv or something and laughing as if none of that happened. i still cant fathom not living like this, not having to go through this every fucking day. and then on the other hand i had a great interaction today at my job that made me feel really good about what i do and proving the work that i do is actually helping the community around me. and i felt on top of the world for like an hour, i felt great! and then another thing at work happened where i proved myself/my team to be right about something! which was also great! and i got another half hour of happiness. and then i get home and im reminded of how alone i am, how i really have no one to do or share anything with anymore. which is partially my fault and partially not! im not gonna act like im the most pleasant person to be around or that im easy to deal with, but fuck, man, i try. and it always feels like no one else is trying. i cut my own hair for the first time a few weeks ago; it came out great! and had no one to tell about it.

and now im just staring at a wall over all of it. none of the bad stuff happened none of the good stuff happened. im gonna get violently angry later and im gonna be nearly euphoric later, its just another day. and i want to change i want to change my lifestyle so bad but how can i do that without any help. i spent years of my life begging for other people to help me and got ignored, which resulted in my disability. i tried so hard to fix it on my own but i couldnt! im not a doctor! and now ill never be because i couldnt finish my pre-med classes because of my disability! i feel like im constantly screaming at the top of my lungs and waving red flags shouting please for the love of god someone help me every day and every day nothing changes. they say you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped, but has anyone actually tried helping people before? youre telling me you cant problem solve? you cant find a different road to a solution, just because we cant take the easiest one? im sorry that its not easy for everyone else to help me, but how does anyone else think i feel?

but whatever. im fine now. i relived every emotion i went through while writing all that but im fine now. now that its all out there its all out there, out of my system. i dont care anymore. because it didnt matter. because it doesnt matter. none of it matters. it happened and its gonna happen again. ill go through these cycles again tomorrow and the next day and the next week and the next month and the next year and so on. it is what it is i guess. but does it really have to be.

[machinavillage]

i think i complained about my internet friend i visited irl last month.

about a week after i got home, after not talking to him for a week i tried to explain why i was upset. and he gave a pretty bland apology idk what else i expected. and sometimes i miss talking to him, but i sort of dont anymore. now im worried about when he's going to reach out to me again, or if we never talk again, or if im supposed to. or what. but i also dont feel like i can talk to him. its kinda funny.

like main thing was really that i was viscerally uncomfortable the whole time i was there. horrible dirty bathroom and he gave me nasty food and i would feel weird if i ordered takeout without him. and i travelled 8 hours on plane and he didnt want to go anywhere or do anything. just sit and play on his ps5. and he had the gall to look over at me and say "oh i wanted to text you right now but i realized youre right there". and when i got him to go out and go places with me, he clearly didnt want to be there. and he'd complain like "oh i dont want to go somewhere on the bus if we're on the bus for 30 minutes or more" bitch i was on a plane overnight for you? fuck you!

and now its like. i regret all the times i tried to talk to him about how i was failing to cope with child abuse and csa stuff like. i poured my heart out to this person and he never really gave a shit and had some of the cruelest responses to me honestly. and i kept fucking trying because i thought if im patient enough ill get something good in return.

i dont get shit i keep getting someone who tells me "oh, i really learned my lesson that time! im so sorry! i need to think more about how i treat you" and like. am i supposed to be learning something? did i do something wrong i need to learn from. is this mutual? at all?

i kept offering to buy him food and pay for all the ubers too because he didnt have a job right now. all i asked for in return was that he be somewhat interested in spending time with me. but since i couldnt even get that, i feel like i wasted hundreds of dollars now. i still didnt know ahead of time that it was possible for my feelings to turn in that way. like every mistake and every time he's pissed me off before is coming back now. it all got recontexualized and i realize he must not care about me at all.

i was going to tell him that im fine just being friends with him online but now im not even sure thats true. the stuff i complained about in my visit with him isnt even all of it. its way longer than that i just picked a few of the things that really hurt. he wouldnt go on an 1-2 hour walk through a nearby park with me. it was like 30 minutes to there, but i wouldve paid for the uber to or something and we couldve walked outside. he just "didnt feel like it". but then when he introduced me to his friend she said they went there together all the time??? whats up with that. why am i nothing.

like idk what to say to him now but saying nothing is starting to eat at me. int he back of my mind i dread him messaging me. i want him to disappear now. none of this is stuff id type about someone i still felt close to. but it feels weird to instantly hate someone because of that. but im not sure its instant either. i just cant really sort it out.

i feel like i kept waiting for years and saying "this is the person im closest too this is the only person i can tell this stuff to" especially in regards to trauma stuff and i just picked the wrong person entirely. and i kept thinking if continue trying it would pay off and id really really get something good. im so stupid. all that time i kept saying "this is the person im closest to" was probably time i couldve spent actually talking to other people or finding actual support.

now its been years since i socialized with people and i dont know how to. all for someone who seems to not care about me, not get anything out of me aside from playing video games together. and i guess i imagined everything i gained from being close to him.

[threestandingstones]

anyway i know that the ethel cain eps arent related to the story of preachers daughter but i like to think that casings tells the story of why willoughby tucker left. it was so simply and humanly tragic as ethel driving him away through sheer insecure adoration.

[restapesta]

hi emina! happy last week of no school ♥♥

15. “Finally. Missed you so much.” but make it sort of in front of other people??🙏🙏🙏 if u want. it's okay if not, too!

MONDAY

---

ian (1:11 AM): it's hot as fuck here. can't sleep.

ian (1:12 AM): also, lip snores

mickey (1:12 AM): that's what you get for leaving me

ian (1:13 AM): drama queen, i only left this morning. be back in just a week.

ian (1:13 AM): why are YOU awake?

mickey (1:14 AM): fuck you, just a week. 🖕🖕🖕

ian (1:14 AM): 🙄

ian (1:14 AM): go to sleep

mickey (1:15 AM): you woke me up???

ian (1:15 AM): doesn't matter. just go to sleep.

mickey (1:15 AM): probably not

ian (1:16 AM): ???

mickey (1:17 AM): can't sleep without you

incoming call from ian (1:17 AM)

---

TUESDAY

---

mickey (11:22 AM): college bitch still pissed at us for waking him up?

ian (11:25 AM): isn't speaking to me. bitched about it to fiona the entire morning.

ian (11:25 AM): "can't go a night without him." blah blah

mickey (11:25 AM): fuck him. wyd right now?

ian (11:27 AM): helping Fi with the moving shit.

ian (11:27 AM): you?

mickey (11:28 AM): lunch with tami. bitching about lip.

ian (11:29 AM): 😌

ian (11.29 AM): that same lip is currently screaming my ear off to get off the phone.

ian (11:29 AM): keep bitching, my love

mickey (11:30 AM): tell him to fuck off.

mickey (11:30 AM): also, call me when you're done

ian (11:31 AM): 😘

mickey (11:31 AM): 🙄🖤

(12:57 PM) incoming call from ian

(16:44 PM): incoming call from mickey

(21:44 PM) incoming call from ian

---

WEDNESDAY

---

mickey (09:06 AM): come back home, im bored.

mickey (09:06 AM): Fiona doesn't need you for an entire fucking week.

ian (09:10 AM): 😬 just five more days

ian (09:10 AM): Fiona says hi!

mickey (09:11 AM): I'm horny, this is stupid.

ian (09:12 AM): handy-dandy hand 😁

mickey (09:12 AM): 🖕🖕🖕🖕

mickey (09:13 AM): ...something to work with?

ian sent a link (09:14 AM)

mickey (09:15 AM): you did not just send me the benefits of a cold shower, you bitch.

ian (09:16 AM): loveeeeee youuuuuu

mickey (09:16 AM): 🙂🔪

incoming call from ian (12:33 PM)

incoming call from ian (17:29 PM)

incoming call from mickey (00:12 AM)

---

THURSDAY

---

ian (08:12 AM): I'm horny.

ian (08:13 AM): mickey

ian (08:13 AM): mickey

ian (08:13 AM): mickey

ian (08:13 AM): MICKEY

ian (08:14 AM): babyyyyyy

ian (08:14 AM): pleaseeeeee come on, you're not sleeping rn

mickey sent a link (08:16 AM)

ian (08:16 AM): i deserved that.

mickey (08:17 AM): handy-dandy 🤛

ian (08:17 AM): hate myself at this moment 🙂

mickey (08:17 AM): 🤭😘

-

ian (09:44 AM): coffee on facetime?

incoming call from mickey (09:45 AM)

---

FRIDAY

---

ian (14:22 PM): sorry for the ghosting

ian (14:22 PM): Fiona's been killing me with the whole apartment cleaning shit

ian (14:23 PM): And Lip's hiding from her so he's always with me.

ian (14:23 PM): i know it's been a day.

mickey (14:25 PM): well, well, look who decided to text their husband finally

mickey (14:25 PM): it's been a whole day, ian.

mickey (14:26 PM): we are no longer on speaking terms.

ian (14:26 PM): 😲😨

ian (14:26 PM): i'm sorry.

ian (14:26 PM): i miss having breakfast with you.

ian (14:27 PM): i miss sleeping with you

ian (14:27 PM): i miss kissing you

ian (14:28 PM): and doing other things with you 😏

ian (14:28 PM): miss you so fucking much.

ian (14:28 PM): mick?

mickey (14:30 PM): ugh fine, you sap

mickey (14:30 PM): call me

incoming call from ian (14:31 PM)

---

SATURDAY

---

incoming call from mickey (18:55 PM)

ian (19:24 PM): phone sex is cool, but we should try sexting 😳

mickey (19:26 PM): i don't need a reminder of your disgusting ass dick anywhere on my phone.

ian (19:26 PM): hm? 🤔 not what you were saying ten minutes ago.

ian (19:27 PM): you sure you ain't ready for round two? 😏

ian (19:27 PM): bet facetime sex is even better.

incoming call from mickey (19:28 PM)

-

ian (02:22 AM): i miss you. i really fucking miss you.

---

SUNDAY

---

ian (08:02 AM): flight is at 10

mickey (08:04 AM): i'll be waiting for you when you land.

---

It had only been a week. A week filled with phone calls and text messages and a whole bunch of facetime—but, fuck, it had been a week.

Did Ian really have to go on and visit Fiona alone with Lip? Was it really that necessary for him to travel all the way to the alligator land just so they could help Fiona switch apartments? Mickey didn't see the point of the long-ass trip to Florida just so Ian could complain about how humid it was and how it was a blessing he didn't share a room with Lip anymore.

Mickey missed him. He missed him a lot more than he thought he would, and he really should've considered the fact that he and Ian spent most of their time together. They may have been apart before for long periods of time, but it was hard to tear them away from each other nowadays.

So maybe it wasn't that much of a surprise he'd had a hard time adjusting to the empty space of their apartment and the coldness of their bed. The lack of dad jokes during their long rides at work and the unmistakable scent of Ian that had been slowly fading and was almost gone now.

That was Mickey's excuse for not doing laundry. He didn't wanna lose Ian's smell from their home. The sappy excuse would probably work with Ian, he thought.

And even if it didn't, Mickey could distract him from his annoyance in other ways.

Airports sucked.

Being in an airport, waiting on Ian and Lip with their family of twenty thousand—or six, whatever—sucked even more.

But the plane had already landed and it would be just another couple minutes before Mickey saw his husband for the first time in a week. Before he wrapped his arms around him in a bone-crushing hug. He didn't even give a shit if anybody saw him and thought how big of a fag he was.

Husband. That was the only thing on his mind currently.

"They should be here already," Tami said, bouncing Fred up on her hip.

Debbie shrugged from beside Mickey, one hand tightly holding onto the redheaded girl between them. She was fisting the fabric of Mickey's jacket, and it made Mickey smile. It eased the anticipation a little.

Who was he kidding? There were swarms of bees in his stomach, poking and stinging. He felt slightly nauseous.

"I think I see Lip!" It was Liam who exclaimed.

Mickey didn't see Lip.

But he did see the redhead trailing right behind him, a suitcase in his right hand, recently bought for the trip. His hair was ruffled, and his eyes were sleepy, the jet lag probably hitting him in full swing.

Still, the green orbs Mickey missed so much lit up the moment he noticed Mickey, the corners of his mouth twisting up into a wide smile.

Mickey wasn't any better. He could feel the grin stretching across his face involuntary, yet he did nothing to hide it. Nothing to stop it from spreading. He didn't care to hide the excitement he was feeling upon seeing Ian for the first time in a week.

A week.

His legs moved on their own accord, and in what felt like no time at all, he was engulfed into a hug, Ian's long arms circling him—it was familiar; comfortable, and warm.

"Fucking finally," Ian choked out against Mickey's hair, his lips pressed to the top of his head, cradling his body gently. "I missed you so much."

Mickey tilted his chin up and their lips connected in a brief kiss. Just a peck that turned into a couple more, all loud on the pullback, their limbs still wrapped up in each other.

"Missed you more."

They stared into each other's eyes longingly for a couple of moments—it was probably too soft and sappy for them, but who gave a shit? They hadn't seen each other in a week.

What interrupted them eventually were a few short coughs, as if somebody was clearing their throat.

Mickey glared at Lip, practically forcing himself to tear his eyes away from the man he was holding.

"We done with the reunion or you guys wanna continue making out in the middle of the airport...?"

Ian was the one who flipped him off, finally disentangling himself from Mickey so he could greet his siblings properly and pick Franny up into a long hug. It made Mickey frown, the loss of contact. He forced himself to endure it, though—half an hour of a ride longer and they'd be home alone, free to do whatever the fuck.

Still, as soon as they were done with the obligated reunions and the questions about Florida and Fiona, Ian found himself next to Mickey again, gripping Mickey's palm and intertwining the fingers with his own.

Who gave a shit if anybody was looking? Who gave a shit if Lip was rolling his eyes at the obvious display of affection or if Carl was making obnoxious kissy faces at them as if they haven't been married for a while now—Mickey saw none of that shit.

All Mickey saw was Ian.

[definitelyseven]

deal | seventeen - final

summary: when your step-mom unexpectedly offers you a deal you can’t resist, you decide to give her a taste of her own medicine by seducing her potential suitor, Im Jaebum.

one (m) | two | three (m) | four (m) | five | six (m) | seven | eight (m) | nine | ten | eleven | twelve (m) | thirteen | fourteen | fifteen | sixteen | seventeen |

“H-how could you?” you whimpered with tears in your eyes as you opened the door. Kai stares blankly at you, in shock.

“You didn’t think I was going to let Y/N marry you without a background check, did you?” Jaebum asked rhetorically.

“Y/N, I can explain. Please,” Kai begged, making his way to you. You shake your head at him as he grabs for your arm.

“Don’t,” you said through your teeth but he doesn’t listen and reaches for you again. “Don’t fucking touch me!” you screamed at him. “Did you always know about the money?”

He doesn’t respond.  

You chuckled in disbelief, “How long? Answer me!”

“The whole time,” he confessed.

“Did you ever love me?” you asked as tears kept falling from your eyes. “Or did you love my money?”

“Of course I love you!” he tells you. “Y/N, please.”

“So what? You want me to sleep with him to benefit your career? Is that what you think of me?” you continued to sob.

“He said just one night.”

You were never a violent person but you couldn’t control your anger anymore. You raised your hand and slapped him across the face.

“How could you?”

Kai runs his tongue on the inside of his cheek, scoffing at you. “Don’t play me Y/N. How is it that the richest businessman in Seoul willing to do anything you ask? You and I both know your relationship isn’t that simple.”

“It’s not like that,” you tried to explain. “I left him.”

“I WAS YOUR BUOY! You were dying and I saved you,” he shouted at you. "I saved you from drowning,” he said with tears in your eyes. 

“That’s not true,” you tried to convince yourself. “That’s not true,” you repeated. 

“It wasn’t always like this, you know?” Kai said. “I loved you since the day I laid eyes on you. Believe it or not, I already loved you on our third date when Eunbi saw me with you.”

”You were never my buoy.” It was like every time you spoke, you were trying to convince yourself he was wrong. 

But you knew he was right. 

He was your buoy and he saved you from drowning. He was the one that was there for you when you needed someone the most. 

“Enough. Get out,” Jaebum steps in. “I am perfectly fine with my own insurance agent.”

“We had a deal!”

“So what? Piss me off some more and I’ll make sure you’ll never make another deal again,” he threatened. “You should know I’m a very powerful man.”

Kai shakes his head in disbelief before turning to you. “And you expect me to believe there’s nothing going on between you two?” He rolls his eyes at you before gathering his things. “I’ll be gone by morning,” he said before leaving. 

“Now you know what kind of man he is. Don’t waste your time on him anymore,” he whispers as he strokes your head.

“W-why?” you sobbed, turning to face him. “Why did you have to expose him? Why did you have to tell me? I was happy...” you cried as you gripped onto his suite. Your knees felt weak and you could no longer hold yourself up. You fall to the ground.

“I was trying to protect you,” he said.

“Protect me? All you’ve been doing is hurt me,” you sobbed.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” he explains.

You scoffed at him, “Imagined if you tried.”

“I never said I was a good person but everything I’ve done for you was in your best interest,” he said. He strokes his thumb across your cheek. “I need you to believe me once more. Just like how I believed you when you said falling in love with me was never part of the deal.”

You looked up at him, tears still clouding in your eyes. "Do you know how hard it was for me to get over you?”

“Are you over me?” Jaebum asks. He picks you up from the ground and brings you over to the couch. He sits down next to you, “Are you?”

“Yes,” you lied, covering your face in your hands. Maybe it was unfair of you to be mad at Kai. He wasn’t entirely wrong. You did use him as a buoy to get over Jaebum and he stood by your side when you were broken.

“I know you hate me for what I did two years ago - for picking her; choosing her but I had too. I wasn’t just thinking about myself. I had to think about my company, the thing my father spent his entire life building. I couldn’t disappoint my family.”

“Please don’t explain,” you begged. Your heart ached with his every word.

“I did what I thought was the best way for you to get back your $20 million dollars. I’ve known Eunbi my entire life. I know her and I know she took your inheritance. I know she took your money and there was no way you would ever get it back. It was the only way I knew how to give it back,” he continued to explain. You looked at him. “You don’t think I could find you if I wanted to?”

He was right. You never left Seoul. If he wanted to, he could easily find you. “Please stop explaining,” you begged him.

“You have to believe me -”

“I do believe you,” you interrupted. “I believe you, Jae.” 

He lets out a sigh of relief. “I never stopped thinking about you,” he confessed. He grabs your hand in his. “I missed you so much.” You quickly pulled your hand away. He was still a married man. “What’s wrong?”

“Just because I believe you, it doesn’t mean we can go back to how we were. You’re still married,” you reminded him. 

“We don’t love each other. She lives her life as she wants and I live mine as I want,” he explained. “It’s all for publicity.”

You shake your head, moving away from him. “It doesn’t matter. She’s still your wife. She’s still the person you’ll link arms with in public. I don’t want to be the other woman,” you tell him. “I’m not the other women.”

“You’re not the other women.”

“Can you walk out in public with me? Are you able to break ties with Eunbi and never see her again?” you asked him. 

Jaebum remains quiet. 

“You and I both know you can’t do that - you won’t do that.” You wiped the tears off your cheeks before standing up. “I appreciate you helping me see what kind of person Kai is and helping me get my inheritance back. I miss Minguk too but I can never be with you again.”

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me. Tell me you don’t want to see me ever again.”

You sighed, reaching over to stroke his cheek. “I do love you. I will always love you,” you admitted. You watched as his eyes sparkle in happiness. “And that’s exactly why we can’t be together, why I have to leave you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Just because you love someone it doesn’t mean you get to end up with them,” you explained. You could tell he was still confused. “Sometimes things aren’t meant to be,” you paused. “We’re not meant to be.”

“All this time, I was trying to protect you. I was on your side.”

“But if you had the option to chose again, it will be her. It will always be her!” you exclaimed, eyes clouding with tears again. “You will always chose her.”

Jaebum remained silent because he knew it was true too. 

“Now you know why we can’t be together. My heart won’t be able to take another heartbreak. I think it will actually kill me,” you tell him. 

“I’m sorry,” he finally says. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too,” you tell him before standing up. You grabbed your things quietly before leaving. 

Just as you expected, by the time you got home, Kai was already gone. Everything that belonged to him was gone. You couldn’t believe the person you spent two years of your life with, can easily pack all their things and leave; as if they never existed in your life. 

But you were just about to do the same. If you stayed any longer, you knew you would change your mind. And this was a decision you couldn’t go back on. This was the only way to save yourself - without anyone else’s help. You need to move on. You need to find someone that will pick you 30, 40, 50 years from now; you need to find someone that will pick you every time.

Jaebum wasn’t that person. He was never going to be that person.

a little note from jennie: i was going back and forth on whether they would end up together but you can’t always have a happy ending and you don’t always get to end up with the person you love. sorry if you expected something different. hope you enjoyed this series. love you all to the moon and back. please listen to Jay B’s new song - switch it up :)

[katsumiiii]

When they’re mad at you

Katsuki Bakugou x gn! poc reader

Eijirou Kirishima x gn! poc reader

Denki Kaminari x gn! poc reader

Katsuki Bakugou

katsuki and mad go hand in hand

whenever you see his ass he’s always mad about something

and if he’s not...

well either you’re dreaming or he’s sleep

either way he’d probably still be mad tbh

but let’s say you got him actually upset

like ACTUALLY pissed

whew chile I pray for everyone in that room

so you and katsuki were in the common room arguing

both of y’all are throwing jabs below the belt bc you guys are petty af

“you think you can be a hero with that shitty attitude?”

“at least I have a strong fucking quirk, I don’t even know how your ass got in this school. fucking extra.”

anyways, you’re not showing it but katsuki is low key hurting your feelings

ofc you aren’t gonna let him know that

soooo you say something slightly outta pocket

“right so my quirk is ass, but aren’t you the one who got kidnapped....twice? oh alright.”

the look in his eyes is heartbreaking

and although he tries to hide it, it’s pretty obvious that you hurt him

“you know what, fuck off. if you come anywhere near me ill fucking kill you.”

and he stomps off

now everyone’s looking at you like you fucked up

“oh so he can be an asshole to me, but when im one back it’s an issue?? you know what mind y’all fucking business.”

now you’re even more upset bc everyone was taking his side

you hide out in your room for a while, thinking about everything

you then realize that what you said was triffling

“damnit!”

you try everything to get him to talk to you again

but he won’t even acknowledge your  existence

everytime you try to go up and talk to him he acts like you’re not even there

“katsuki listen, can I-”

“shitty hair, come one let’s go fucking work out or some shit.”

okaayyyy guess you have to try again

“babe I know you’re pissed but-”

“DEKU!! BRING YOUR ASS OVER HERE!”

oh, so he’d rather talk to Izuku

the disrespect

but you know you fucked up so you don’t stop trying

and eventually get him to talk to you again

“katsuki please, just fucking talk to me.”

“the fuck do you want?”

you’re elated, I mean he’s never fully ignored you before

plus you miss the cuddles, and food

especially the food

“im sorry babe, I was pissed at the stuff you were saying and I wanted to hit you where it hurt. I made you some hot ramen to let you know I’m really sorry.”

he looked you up and down, his face in that same goofy ass sneer

“tch, fine I forgive you or whatever. but im not eating this shit. it doesn’t even look edible.”

“are you crazy?! the packets are good as fuck babe.”

“YOU BOUGHT ME THE SHITTY PACKET?!”

Eijirou Kirishima

what the fuck did you do to possibly make this boy mad?

I mean seriously

you really had to fuck up in order for him to even be remotely pissed

I don’t wanna talk about it

but we gon talk about it OKAY

so you was in the kitchen searching for something to drink

at the top of the fridge, you see a bottle of cranberry juice right next to kirishima’s premium crimson riot protein powder

so being the smart bitch you are, you decide to climb up on top of the counter top to get your cranberry juice

“fuck why is it up so high?”

you stick your tongue out in concentration trying to get your juice

and finally you grab it

while also knocking over kirishima’s premium crimson riot protein powder

“oh shit.”

“Y/N?! ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?!”

your baby walking in with his hair down looking all confused

he then looks down at the floor, noticing the powder pooling into the cracks of the tile

he looks at you

you look at him

he looks back down at the floor

then right back at you

“heyyyyy babyyyy.”

“what the fuck?”

he bites his lip in agitation, trying not to yell

“I spent hours in line for that babe.”

“I know....sorry?”

he literally could not look at you, so he turned around and left

“fuck! great job Y/N.....least I got my cranberry juice.”

the next couple of days he was visibly different

unresponsive, not as smiley

“he’s really mad at me over some stupid protein powder....”

bakugou would not stop staring you down

mentally telling you to fix this shit or he would skin you alive

yeah not gonna happen

so you trot your ass to the store

sighing at the long ass line in front of you

“fucking god.”

eventually you manage to get the powder, placing it in his room for when he gets back from training

the next day kirishima runs over to you, kissing you repeatedly on the face

“THANK YOU BABE!! IT WAS MANLY OF YOU TO FIX YOUR MISTAKE!”

“you’re welcome baby.”

“but how’d you manage to get 6 bottles?”

“I had to fight a couple bitches.”

Denki Kaminari

yeah he literally cannot stay mad at you

like at all

and there’s no POSSIBLE way you could even REMOTELY make him angry at you for a long period of time

he’s not petty like bakugou

he’d be mad for like 1 hour and then come back asking for cuddles

what he’s mad over is probably dumb af anyways

okay so you and denki were hanging out in his room

watching reality tv

bc that’s how y’all bond

and during the show the two main girls were arguing over some dumb shit that ppl on reality tv always do

and denki ofc wants to say his little two cents

“no way, she’s totally wrong for that. don’t you think babe?”

“no, I would’ve done the same shit.”

he’s very much betrayed

looks at you like you’re crazy

slowly gets up from the bed

inching closer and closer towards the door

“are you actually upset? you asked for my opinion.”

“yeah but you were supposed to agree with me!”

you roll your eyes bc atp you’re not even taking him seriously

“Y/NNN, im really mad at youuu.”

“yeah ok.”

“FINE THEN! DON’T TALK TO ME!”

“okay.”

he stomps away, his lips curled into a pout

meanwhile you continue to watch your show

he looks back every once in a while to see if you were coming after him

“IM LEAVING FOR REAL NOW!”

“okay.”

“GOING INTO THE ELEVATOR!!”

“yep.”

“NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN!!”

“cool.”

he’s definitely like 10 feet away from your door

you gave him about 30 minutes, deciding that you were sick of reality tv, switching over to a scary movie instead

you see denki’s head peep over the doorframe

“is that the conjuring?”

“yes.”

“mhm I guess I’m not mad at you anymore.”

“what an honor.”

taglist: @mypimpademia @blackweebtrash @xetou @sisifromthed @her-majesty-kiara @moxie-elle @angiebug101 @myhoodacademia @notfiveweenieskids @lilsparkyswife

—please let me know if I missed anyone, and if you would like to be added to the taglist just shoot me a message!

[diobrando]

Idk how to do a read more on mobile anymore lol but uhhh idk keep scrolling since this is about my dogs

So I've got 2 senior German Shepards and their lifespan is between 10-14 years and ofc less if theyre boys (which they are) and one of my dogs is already 14 (if im remembering correctly and we got him for my uncle back in 2008) and the other dog we have no real way of knowing his age bc he was a stray that my brother forced me to take care of... it was a whole thing bc the dog wouldn't leave bc my brother kept giving him food and water and there's this ledge at the back of our property that had tons of vines and other plants ANYWAYS the point is that he would sleep there during the day and animal control never saw him when they spent 2 weeks in our neighborhood collecting the strays which my brother took as a sign to just transition the dog from there into our actually property and it was very annoying because we already had the dog my uncle no longer wanted (he originally said he'd take the dog bc his daughters agreed to help but they never did so the dog was very underweight by the time we moved into our house and my uncle saw how healthy he looked when they went to el Salvador for a month and we took him in so thats how ownership was transferred lol) but anyways I spent the first year pissed bc this dog was bigger than our first dog and he would steal his food, attack him, and ofc the cleanup was so hard bc we still hadn't covered up the dirt patches and they'd both make crazy messes... they get along fine now like they def love each other and I love them both since we've had them for so long now but they're so old... champion has his off days where he won't eat and he'll sometimes have accidents in my room (he doesn't get in trouble I know its not on purpose) and he has trouble with the steps out front and even falls into the gap between the fence :/ he's my 14 year old and he also has advanced arthritis so I try to be extra gentle and accommodating with him by buying him comfy beds and taking things extra slow and helping him get up (when possible bc I never know if he's going to bite me for it and I dont mind if he bites my hand but in some positions I just dont want to risk him feeling uncomfortable and lashing out and getting my neck or face bc god knows that would hurt a lot since both my dogs have strong bites) geez ok and ny other dog I estimate is btwn 11-13 hes so aggressive and territorial which is a major problem. He is not really allowed off the property bc I cant control him or hold him back if he lashes out (and I have been on the receiving one of his soft bites and let me tell you those things hurt so fuxking bad and it wasn't even that serious like yeah it tore the skin and I bled but it was just the surface and it was so funny bc he immediately knew he fucked up and went slack) but yeah he also has arthritis and its not as bad as my older dog but it will most likely get worse and he also has a weird growth on his chest between his 2 front paws and its like.... im already spending my money on their dog food (I wanna say roughly $60 a bag and $30 for a few packs of chicken or champion won't eat at all and this is every month) and I told my brother to consider what he wants to do with shaggy bc he is old and its most likely a tumor and idk if its gonna be worth it to spend thousands esp for him when he's the only one in his household that works and he has to support his wife, 2 kids, and the animals they have (yes my brother moved out and left me with that beast of a dog and he NEVER comes to visit them anyways so why put up a front like youre concerned... this is just like the new years eve incident when my dog ate a huge block of rat poison and I saw him finishing it and i had to immediately induce vomiting and then when he said he'd go to the vet with me he wanted me to wait 2 hours like ????? HELLO? HE ATE POISON!!! and then I had to spend the night at the ER bc my brother and mom had a stupid fight and she tried to kill herself)

so idk if it would be the right move to put them down soon or to let them die at home (probably in my room bc that is where champion spends most of his time when someone is at home) and it doesn't even matter which dog dies first (naturally it'll probably be champion) the other dog is going to be so depressed

[lovelymaybankk]

full kook - jj maybank

req- reader x jj (can you tell i’m a jj stan?) where the reader is full on kook but unlike sarah jj hates her and doesn’t want her to be a part of pouge life where she fits in and he’s constantly bullying her to where even sarah has to say something but it’s to late because now she’s full kook again until midsummer where she helps him out with topper and they become bf and gf

a/n- i love this rq... sm. also out of order, sarah befriends the pogues before the midsummer party. also y/n is kinda a bitch in this at the beginning srry

w/c- 4.704 (oops...)

tw- swears, rafe and topper being dicks.. thats it i think idrk

sarah cameron and y/n y/l/n were kook princesses. they took orders from nobody, and were definitely the two most popular girls on the island. they had been best friends since birth, and nothing could separate them.

well, except for a group of pogues. y/n never understood sarah's infatuation with them, though to an extent, she did. they could do whatever they want without fear of disappointing their parents. thats all y/n cared about. her parents. not money, of course sarah but other than that.. she didn’t need anybody. 

“sarah, you’re crazy.” y/n huffed, legs crossed. one eyebrow was raised, but other than that y/n looked immensely bored. sarah had gone mia yesterday, and it turned out she was hanging out with a group of poges. “topper will kill you,” the girl sang, a smug look on her face. 

“i don’t care what he thinks! with him i’m.. free.” sarah said dreamily, falling beside y/n on the bed.

“with him you’re a crackie,” y/n snorted, standing up. “i’m just saying, they do nothing all day. how is that entertaining?” her arms folded over her chest, sarah sitting up as she said that.

“they go on boat rides. they drink. i know you like that,” sarah winked, catching y/ns attention. “you’d fit right in. you love all the stuff they do, drinking, drugs, surfing..” she rambled. 

“even if i were to meet them, which i will not, they wouldn’t like me. my reputation is worse than yours,” y/n chuckled, sitting on the hardwood floor to slide on a pair of sandals. “anyway, theres no chance kiara would want me there.”

it was true, kiara and y/n ended on the same note kiara and sarah did. 

“kie and i made up,” sarah mumbled.

“oh she’s kie now? thats convenient.” y/n rolled her eyes, standing and grabbing her bag. “you know, as much as i hate being a kook.. i wouldn’t just switch up like that.” she was mad, venom in her words. who knew if sarah would leave her for the pogues? whos to say she doesn’t?

“just. one day? i’ll bring you tomorrow and i’ll show you what it’s like.” sarah begged, grabbing y/ns hand and she closed the pocket in the bag. y/n rolled her eyes.

“fine. i’ll be here at 10.” y/n pulled her arm away quickly, leaving the room and going downstairs to start her short walk home.

y/n woke up around 8, taking a quick shower and brushing her teeth. as her hair dried, she dried her body and changed out of her pajamas into a pair of light-wash jean shorts and a cropped tee. she sat at her bureau, applying light mascara and chapstick. by the time 9:30 rolled around, y/n left her house and started her walk to sarah's house. she knocked on the door, getting met with rafe’s face. 

“oh, goodmorning.” rafe opened the door wider, getting stopped by sarah.

“you’re gonna let bugs in,” sarah muttered, leading y/n to her car where they started their drive to the cut. 

“do they know im coming?” y/n’s lips pursed, turning to look at her blonde best friend. sarah nodded, stopping the car once they came to the chateau. 

“john b and kie do.. jj and pope don’t.” sarah clarified, stepping out of the car and leading y/n with her. she opened the door, showing y/n the tight room.

y/n looked around, heart suddenly speeding up. they stepped onto the porch, conversations cutting short suddenly. everybody looked from sarah to y/n, making both girls suddenly uncomfortable. 

“oh good. two kooks,” jj muttered, not quietly. john b slapped his arm, finally standing and offering a smile at the girl. he took y/n’s hand, shaking it firmly. 

“i’m john b. sarahs, um. boyfriend,” john b smiled, trying to be friendly. 

“oh, you’re john b. sarah has good taste.” y/n smirked, giving him a sly wink before looking towards her best friend who was now flushed a light pink. 

“anyway,” sarah cut them off before anything could happen. “thats pope, hes smart, thats kiara, who you know and.. thats jj.” she didn’t have anything to say about jj, who was leaned back with his arms cross. he tsked, sitting up.

“so what does another kook princess want? here to spy?” jj spoke with venom, eyes raking up and down the girl.

y/n shrugged, taking a seat beside, but still a distance away from kiara. “sarah here says you guys are more fun than you seem, and i don’t believe her.” her arms crossed around her chest, leaning back in the way jj had done before.

“well, before this escalates,” pope cut the two off from an argument being sprung up, “i’d say we’re pretty fun. you like boat rides? surfing?” he was guessing in his head both of these would be a no, looking at kiara who seemed uneasy at the thought of having another one of her ex-best friends here. he rested his hand on her thigh, making her smile carefully.

“i surf sometimes. not as much as i used to when i was younger, i’d say twice or three times a month.” y/n shrugged, legs crossing. this got everybody's attention, asking her about surfing and what else she does.

everybody except jj.

-

months led on and y/n had soon slowly joined the group on their daily shenanigans. she hung out with them almost everyday, but still spent time with her family and just sarah alone. it was obvious y/n fit it. jj never came around to the thought of y/n, even though she seemed to be very interested in him.

sarah and y/n were laying on y/ns bed, talking mindlessly about whatever. 

“so like, why does jj hate me?” y/n wondered out loud, turning so she was laying on her side, facing sarah. sarah shrugged, facing y/n on her side.

“i don’t know. i think you’re to hot for him,” sarah giggled, punching the girls shoulder.

y/n laughed, face heating up. “to hot for him? i mean, come on. look at him,” she let out a breathy sigh, falling onto her back again. her arm was laid over her chest lazily, eyes closing.

“why do you ask? do you like him?” sarah teased, sitting up and fixing her hair. y/n stayed quiet. sarah gasped, suddenly freaking out. “holy shit! you do!!” she squealed, pulling y/n up and hugging her so tight y/n forgot how to breathe.

“look, it isn’t that big. i’ll get over it soon.” y/n shrugged away from the girl, standing up and stretching. “lets head to the chateau now, yeah?” she helped pull sarah up, who nodded quietly and they both slid on their shoes. 

the pair walked out to sarah’s white jeep, driving to the chateau in the midst of summer. “so, y/n.” sarah broke the silence, rolling down the windows. the fresh air from figure 8 filled the car, which smelt solely like suntan lotion and salt water. “you going to the midsummer?” she asked, steering the car slowly into the cut.

y/n groaned at the mention of it, rolling her eyes. “wish i wasn’t. but it’s fine, it’s in two weeks.” she shrugged, trying to shake off the thought of it. they pulled into the driveway, stepping out at the same time and entering the small space. they spoke about whatever came to mind, conversation cutting short as they stepped onto the porch. “hey guys,” y/n greeted, a warm smile on her face.

she had changed since she had met the group, now not turning a cold shoulder whenever she met a pogue when she was walking.

“hey girls,” pope grinned, holding a red solo cup. his legs were crossed, kie taking the seat that jj normally sat in. sarah waved, moving quickly to sit beside her boyfriend. this left jj and y/n. y/n watched jj’s face contort with disgust, moving closer to the arm.

“somebody wanna switch seats?” jj muttered, making y/n roll her eyes.

“good to see you too, buttercup.” y/n popped the p, sitting down as far away from jj as possible.

“don’t call me that,” jj hissed, not even facing the girl as he spoke. “i’d rather not sit next to the bitch,” he mumbled that one more quiet, catching y/n off guard. sure, jj always made fun of her but he never called her anything.

kie cleared her throat, before y/n could stand up to jj. “boat ride today?” she smiled awkwardly at y/n, who’s eyebrows were currently furrowed. the group let a chorus of ‘yes’ and ‘sure’s out. they grabbed their cooler, y/n stopping jj before he could get onto the boat.

“can we talk?” y/n’s arms crossed, putting her weight more on one of her feet than the other.  jj nodded, rolling his eyes as he followed the girl closer to the house. “why do you hate me?” she questioned, looking the taller up-and-down. 

“because,” jj scoffed, like it was obvious, “you’re a bitch. you’re insanely bossy, you’re rude and expect everything to be handed to you. you can’t do shit alone, yet everybody still bows down to you. you’re a fucking kook.” he snapped, walking past the girl and pushing her shoulder roughly to make her fall.

y/n fell onto her ass, wincing as a rock went into the back of her thigh. “motherfucker,” she hissed, catching the boy’s attention. “you’re a bitch, you’re just mad that i won’t sleep with you.”

jj stopped, turning and facing the girl. “oh yeah? thats why. keep telling yourself that.” he smirked, turning and continuing his walk.

“tell sarah i won’t be joining you.” y/n yelled, wiping her eye as she pulled the rock out of her thigh. she stood, turning and stomping away. jj didn't stop her. he stepped onto the boat, obviously pissed.

“she left,” jj sunk into his seat, reaching into the cooler to grab a beer. the group stopped talking, facing jj. he shrugged, rolling his eyes. “she was being bitchy so she left.”

“what’d you say?” sarah’s face turned a light red as she started to get angry, using one hand to shield her eyes from the sun. 

“she asked why i hated her so i was honest. told her she was a bitch,” jj spoke with ease, leaning back and ignoring the burning stares from his friends.

-

it had been two weeks since the group, except sarah, had seen y/n. they all were worried, but at least knowing she was alive from sarah made them feel better. it was two days before the midsummer party, and sarah came knocking loudly on the y/l/n home. opening the door was y/n, hair curled as she wore a short skirt and a white crop-top to match. a kook outfit.

“y/n? is that you?” sarah joked, stepping into the house. y/n quirked an eyebrow, looking the girl up and down.

“well? what do you need?” y/n spoke in a monotone voice, arms crossed as they usually were. under the outfit she wore a bikini, eyes glancing at the surfboard behind sarah.

“oh, i was gonna ask if you wanted to join me and..” sarah trailed off, still speaking but y/n cut her off.

“no.” y/n shrugged, now pushing past the blonde to grab her surfboard. she dusted off some sand from it, hearing it land on the tiled flooring. she kicked some of it away, picking up the board under her arm. “look, im flattered you want me there,” she teased, leading herself out the door and soon sarah followed. “but i’m wear i should be. figure 8. a kook,” y/n shrugged, walking down the sidewalk towards the beach.

“y/n-” sarah chased the girl down the sidewalk, grabbing her shoulder rough enough to make her stop. “we miss you,” she spoke softly, careful not to provoke the girl even more. though that failed.

“okay, i don’t really care. look, i’m meet somebody i have to go,” y/n hissed, turning a cold shoulder quickly.

“who?” sarah continued following y/n, making her groan and turn again.

“holy shit. topper? okay? is that alright if i have friends, ms. kook?” y/n yelled, dropping the board on the ground. “you never gave a shit when jj was talking shit about me to my fucking face, why do you care now? huh?” 

sarah wasn’t used to these outbursts, taking a step back with her hand close to her chest.

y/n scoffed, turning and rolling her eyes. “just what i thought,” she muttered, grabbing the board again and continuing her walk to the beach. this time, sarah didn’t chase her. she just watched in silence, wondering when her best friend became a kook. 

y/n made her way to the beach, sliding off the sandals she wore and looking around for the kook boy. she waited for around an hour, surfing in the water to keep her calm. by the time the sky had become golden, she knew she got stood up.

marching her way back to her house, y/n held her head high until she slammed her bedroom door shut. sobs raked the girls body, tears running down her cheeks onto her shirt until it was thoroughly soaked. she held her face in her hands, wondering how in the span of two weeks she managed to get her heartbroken by the guy she had been hung up on for months, and then by a rich asshat.

sulking to her bed, y/n flopped down and shut her eyes. hoping that if she slept, by the time midsummer came around she would be to numb to care.

-

y/n slipped the tight, yellow dress, over her hips and smiled to herself. the buttercup color paired flawlessly with her skin, hair pulled back into a low bun. she only wore mascara and lipgloss, and a pair of white sandals as her shoes. 

y/n entered the car with her family, staying silent during the ride. she knew sarah and kie would be there, but she didn’t have to enter with a date unlike sarah. she slipped out of the car, quickly leaving her parents behind her as she made her way through the crowd. she disappeared into the back yard, looking for topper to give him a piece of her mind,

kiara noticed y/n first, biting the inside of her cheek before going towards her. she put her hand on y/n’s shoulder, making the girl jump. she turned, facing kiara and her stomach dropped.

“oh, hey..” y/n muttered, scratching the back of her neck as awkwardness settled in the air between the two. 

“hey. how you been?” kiara asked, hands on her hips now. y/n rolled her eyes, suddenly gaining her confidence back.

“good. great actually, y’know?” y/n sarcastically smiled turning and cutting the conversation short. kiara scoffed, turning and going back to where sarah and pope were. 

“she’s acting like a kook,” kie complained, rolling her eyes. sarah bit the inside of her cheek, staying quiet. “what?” kie noticed the look on her face, turning and looking at the girl.

“i was afraid she was gonna do this. every time somebody says something to her about acting to much like a pogue she freaks out.” sarah muttered, leaving the group in search of the girl.

instead, sarah bumped into jj, who was dressed as a waiter. he smiled, offering the girl a drink. “um, vlad?” jj grinned, trying to blend in. “john b told me to give you this,” the boy whispered, trying to be discreet. even though sarah and john b saw each other daily, he still had jj do his work for him. sarah took the note and took jj’s hand, muttering a quiet ‘come with me’. 

the two went to the back porch, where sarah blew up. “are you shittting me?” she hissed, pushing the boy back and catching her off guard. 

“woah mama, chill.” jj joked, but stopped smiling once he saw the look on her face. “what? what’d i do?” now he was confused and concerned, not even fully knowing what he did. 

“oh you never know.” sarah hissed, rubbing her hands onto her dress. her eyes caught toppers, both of them standing still as she stared into the eyes of her ex. she finally pulled away, sighing at jj. “y/n has gone full kook again,”

“damn, thats crazy. let me uh.. oh yeah. i don’t care.” jj shrugged, pushing past sarah. he ignored her calls, walking through the crowd. he bumped shoulders with y/n both giving each other a cold glare before continuing their walk. neither of them could help the butterflies in their stomach as they touched, but they pushed them down and continued their (mild, on y/n’s part) hatred for each other. 

y/n finally found topper, grabbing his arm with a pinch. he hissed, noticing who was holding his arm. “oh, y/n.” topper muttered, a bit confused on why she had suddenly dragged him through the crowd. y/n drug the boy into a somewhat empty room, except for a couple of parents mingling around.

“really?” y/n let his arm go, crossing her arms over her chest. topper shrugged, not knowing what she was talking about. in his hand that y/n wasn’t dragging he held a red solo cup. taking a long sip, he rocked from foot to foot. “you ditched me. remember?” y/n huffed, anger coursing through her body. she wished she had a blunt right now, but of course she had gone full kook and didn’t feel like blowing a crazy amount of money for weed.

“oh yeah.” topper spoke nonchalantly, obviously not bothered by the girls anger.

y/n groaned, turning on her heel away from the boy. she wanted to scream, pushing through the crowd angrily. she found her way to her mom, tugging on her dress. “when are we leaving?”

her mom laughed, shooing the girl away. y/n rolled her eyes, seeing sarah dancing in the middle of the crowd. she bit her inner cheek, knowing if sarah was there the rest of the mystery gang would be there too. she craned her neck, looking around for topper before slowly making her way to sarah.

“um, hey.” y/n muttered, a feeling of self-pity dowsing the girl. sarah turned, taking in the girls state before responding.

“hey, whats up?” sarah slung her arm around the girl, smiling at the randoms in the crowd she didn’t know. they quickly made their way off the dance floor, sarah taking her arm off of her. 

y/n shrugged, not making eye contact with the older. “hows everybody?” her voice was quiet, barely heard above the music. she rubbed her left arm with her hand, still not looking at sarah.

“good.” sarah was blunt, not on purpose but out of somewhat anger. she got blown off many times by the girl, just for her to come crawling back. like always. 

y/n nodded, finally looking at sarah. “i’m sorry, i always do this. i always do dumb shit and come right back,” she chuckled, looking away from sarah again.

sarah wrapped her arms around her, “i’m used to it.” she joked quietly, just standing there and holding y/n. y/n pulled away after a moment, smiling at sarah again.

“wheres everybody else?” referring to the pogues, sarah shrugged. 

“last i saw, jj went off being chased, kie and pope disappeared and john b.. isn’t here.” sarah said the last part with a sigh, eyes shutting momentarily before fluttering back open.

“jj?” y/n mumbled, more to herself. last she had seen of jj, they walked by each other with air so thick it would hard to be cut with a knife.

“yeah,” kie chimed in suddenly, using sarah as an armrest. “topper and rafe. i think kelce too,” she listed the people chasing the blonde, shrugging. “nothing to serious though. he probably just did something dumb and they got mad. they won’t beat him up now though.. i don’t think.”

y/n’s breath seemed to stop for a moment, breaking away from the group in a hurry. they called after her, but it seems pointless as she picked up the bottom of her dress and entered the huge building. she tripped occasionally over nothing, her breath never evening out. catching her breath outside of the bathrooms, she slid down the wall angrily. where the hell was he?

she slumped down the wall beside the bathrooms, her legs aching and telling her to stop. the door beside her swung open, revealing an old man who was seemingly very upset over the fact that boys are ‘always fighting’. this caught y/n’s attention, making her stand up quickly and slowly push the bathroom door open.

the first thing y/n heard was the sound of gasps as somebody tried to regain their breath, then she heard the voice of topper. “yeah, you like that?” he questioned in a threatening tone, and y/n watched him throw a punch as she rounded the corner. in the bathroom was topper, rafe and jj. jj’s body was limp, being held up by rafe as he got the shit beat out of him by topper. blood flew around the room, lip split and face bruising.

y/n bit the inside of her cheek, noticing rafe glance in her direction before dropping jj. “topper, lets split.” he mumbled, motioning to y/n. topper looked over, muttering something under his breath to rafe which got him to laugh.

“dont laugh, rafe, im sure your daddy wouldn't want to hear about your addiction.” y/n’s face was smug, arms crossing as she fully revealed herself. rafe’s eyes widened, grabbing toppers arm and dragging him out of the room quickly.

“this isn't over, pogue!” topper yelled as he was getting led out, the two boys scampering down the hall as fast as they could. 

y/n rolled her eyes, going over to the limp boy as careful as she could. jj was conscious, but not by much. she grabbed his arm, feeling for a pulse and letting out a small sigh of relief. she let go of his arm quickly, shaking his shoulders. “hey, wake up.” she shook him more aggressively, making the boy groan and finally open his eyes. they noticed how close they were to each other, both of their faces flushing as she scurried away from each other. the air between the two was thick, neither speaking up.

“so, what happened?” y/n questioned after a while, meeting the boys eyes. jj shrugged, sitting up and trying not to crush his ribs. he winced, hand going to his side as he leaned against the wall behind him.

“sarah said how topper ditched you and i don’t know, shitty move.” jj whispered, not even sure in the girl had heard him. y/n had confusion on her face, looking at him with her eyebrows furrowed. she cleared her throat, looking away from jj for a moment.

“you were defending me?” y/n spoke in the same, hushed tone. she felt if she spoke up, he’d get mad at her again and they wouldn’t be this.. calm.

jj shrugged, rolling his eyes. “don’t let it get to your head, princess.” his tone was cold, rubbing his eyes. his chest heaved, trying to stay at the same pace. he could barely move without feeling like his lungs were getting ripped out of his chest. “it was the least i could do,” he spoke again, head leaning back against the cold wall with his eyes closed.

“huh?” y/n looked at the position the boy was in. he looked so calm yet so uneasy at the same time. his chest was moving at an irregular pace, hand still over his rib. she noticed the boy didn’t respond, so she changed the subject. “why do you hate me?” her voice was smooth, but silent.

“i don’t. i try to, but i don’t.” jj shrugged, pulling his head back up and opening his eyes. they stared at each other in silence for a while, the only thing that could be heard was jj breathing heavily. “i’m not used to new people just.. coming in. especially kooks. they are, no offense, almost always two-faced. everybody liked you right from the start and it just… made me mad i guess.” jj rambled, tearing his eyes away from the girl and looking at the glossy shoes he wore.

y/n didn’t respond for a while, just taking in what jj said. “i never hated you.” jj spoke again once he realized y/n wasn’t going to talk. “i was just jealous. you get everything because you’re a kook, you have a good life and a big house and money and i’m stuck with.. nothing. i live, basically, in a shack. with a shitty home life.” he sighed, eyes shutting as his head leaned back against the wall.

“it’s not all that good.” y/n mumbled in a soft, quiet voice. “i mean, i have the house, and family.. but for what? i have no real friends except sarah and i can’t leave my house unless the perfect child is there. sarah’s everything i wish i was. she can leave whenever she wants, and shes gorgeous. and i just.. follow what she does. while everybody may like me they always end up.. using me. i’m never seen for who i really am.” she ranted, rubbing her temples with her hands. “and when i met the pogues i realized where i really wanted to be.”

“yeah, we’re cool like that.” jj joked, easing the air a little. y/n smiled, looking at jj.

“y’know, you’re.. funny.” y/n grinned cheesily, legs crossing. 

“oh yeah?” jj met her eyes, arm finally pulling away from his ribs.

“funny looking.” y/n sputtered out, covering her mouth as she started laughing.

jj put on a face of mock upset, looking away. “wow. now that one hurt.” he gasped, shaking his head. this made the girl laugh harder, her face turning red. jj joined in her laughter, two finally stopping minutes later and just holding eye contact.

“you’re really pretty.” jj spoke up, catching y/n off guard. she smiled softly, head tilting a little. 

“you are too.” y/n hummed, scooting a bit closer to jj. “the reason i left that day when you were talking shit about me.. it hurt. ever since i met you i’ve liked you. there’s something about you that just draws me close.” she mused, making the blonde’s face flush a little. from embarrassment of what he said that day but also because of how she felt with him.

“yeah i’m.. sorry. about that.” jj apologized, now looking away from y/n. “i don’t know what i was thinking. i think i just said that because… yeah no clue.” he grinned sheepishly, turning and facing y/n again.

jj’s eyes faltered from y/n’s eyes to lips for a moment, looking back up at the younger. they stayed silent, now sitting beside each other. when had they gotten so close? 

“have you ever kissed somebody in a bathroom?” jj wondered out loud, a smirk laid on his face.

y/n thought for a moment, “nah. i haven’t kissed anybody.. period.” she giggled, looking at jj with a look of anticipation. 

“mm, can i change that?” jj whispered, trying not to hurt himself as he moved closer. his hand wrapped around the back of y/n’s neck, pulling her close. y/n nodded, closing the small gap between them.

their stomach’s both did flips as they kissed. jj had kissed many, many people but it never felt like this. and they knew in that moment, that this wasn’t a one time thing. it would happen many times.

[queenofallwitches]

an update and primer:

so the last winter was weird. I had a complete breakdown, went into psychiatric hospital for 40 days in total. two seperate times.

learnt a heap of new things, met a tonne of cool people and had amazing conversations and few fights but overcome my own demons by that.

brain speaking-I have a scarred brain stem and neurological disorder is not a mental diagnosis, but a neurological disorder, proven by MRI scan, ADHD.

also damage to my basal ganglia, and prefrontal cortex.

neurological diagnosis means ADHD is not a "mental" health issue, as some believe, rather a neurodevelopment disorder caused by structural differences in the ADHD brain.

other neurodevelopment disorders include: Tourettes, Autism, Cerebal Palsy, Dyslexia and other Motor and Intellectual Disabilities. (Which recieve, in my view, a lot of insight, media information and stigma reduction by the advocacy networks surrounding these types of disability).

Over the last few years Autism has been over everything, I've seen mainstream media cover Tourettes and yet ADHD is still HUGELY misunderstood, misconceived and misrepresented in media, be in from the angle of documentaries, personal insight of a "typical" case, films, tv, and other media.

one of the first things my dr told me was "in females it rarely presents as hyperactive red-cordial OD child"

which is what my mother BELIEVES, that is because I have an adopted cousin with the ADHD dx who was that growing up, but the representation I'm told is also divergent for women with a higher IQ score than the average IQ. I come in around 142 and tested 123 at age 3 when I was unable to focus, pay attention and had severe trauma. I tested 142 in grade 8.

I'll share my experience as a female who is intellectually gifted, with higher IQ than average, and an adhd brain:

I've been told gifted and talented "genius" children are harder to diagnose because the symptoms present differently, we hide it better (camouflage) and our focusing can be "faked" by mediocre efforts of academic success.. this is true, I would do the assignment the Sunday night hours deadline, last minute, or have my parents half do it for me, plagiarise it (fuck I've killed my whole academic career now) copied but changed my words

from old 1970s encyclopaedias I KNEW they couldn't cross reference (I went through 15 years of school never studying doing homework or assignments and still had top grades).

I literally did not listen, and spent my classes planning the end of the world survival strategies with my GT friend who, basically helped me with my calculus and hard fucking maths, which was the ONLY 50 minutes of the day I put attention into my work.

now I'm going to be heading back to full-time study in the coming months, I get anxious as the pressure of a Bachelor level degree, and the pressure it takes me to perform, is enough to break me down. I've been advised it might be wise to start light (like a basic vet style diploma) and then build up, which is logical, but I keep thinking I'm meant to be doing my thesis by now. which is the kind of pressure one gets as a kid who is told repeatedly, "your intelligence is exceedingly the average and you can do ANYTHING you want"

I wanted to be an astronaut, a storm chaser, and an architect, a town planner and then a journalist. I always held to being a "FBI agent" or spy (I wonder why). so when I found psychology is really a blend of all these things, I kinda found a niche in a psych and social science double degree. but I'm thinking my academic career is LIFELONG, and due to the fact I also want to work in my field alongside my many written thesis coming, I'll be in academics for a long time. I may fail a few things, which I have to come to terms with. I do not fail easily, or readily, but I'm a perfectionist type-a academic who will put my whole life on the line to achieve "merit". I get exams, I get assessments, I read journals super-easy, I talk the talk and walk the walk so well psychologists who are at masters level compliment me on my "knowledge".

when it comes to mental health and trauma, I will always have the personal attachment, called lived experience, which will make failure and burnout, 100 percent realistic. I have to boundary up, bootstraps on, and prepare that yes, my personal "bias" will probably be entwined in this.

which is why I'm looking at the social science for the statistics and thesis writing side of things, and the counselling for the trained therapist side. either way, the degree of counselling requires so much self-insight, and then the social-science will back me away from personifying it. the other choice is criminology, which leads to forensic psychology, which is eternally fascinating. my main concern is the pro-pedophile content Ill be up against, which will look at the anatomy of a shoplifter akin to the devil, and leave the pedophile in the DSM-5 dx "paraphilia" box.

I'm not joining or jumping to anything.

either way I've got 2 year of credit, a heap of pathways and a lot of "academic momentum" from all my life being aimed to be "academic powerhouse". I went through my files and found a lot of awards I'd won in my high school, and top place in the competitions we would be entering in. I remember feeling so sad if I had a "credit" vs a distinction or high distinction, only to see now, a credit in university maths in year 9 is a skillset I don't have anymore so, good on me. or a credit in English, or Science at that age was pretty impressive, considering these tests were random and not studied for.

just a general skills assessment only the top 30 kids in the year were to take on a year by year basis and put out to vet from the top universities and taken by other kids in the same grade around the state.

it puts so much focus on my intelligence, because it's primed to be that way, I know that is true. I know I feel good being academically successful and it gives me a feeling of "achievement" but is it really for me?

I also found 2 letters from my local politicians offering me job placement, work experience and I was 1/4 kids in my 10th grade graduation tom get the letter, and due to my behaviour I pissed ALL the idiots who bullied me off. I was "too pretty to be a nerd" "too smart to be pOpUlAr".

so I made a group of misfits, who are all highly intelligent, creative and my group had the ONLY gay male in the school AND THIS IS BEFORE YOU FUCKING RETARDS MADE IT "COOL". he was bullied badly, so fuck you, you fucks claim "liberalism" but I bet you were the type of idiot who bullied guys like him in high school while you pretended to like my chemical romance and fake cut yourselves. I hate you all, forever.

my grade was full of idiots who were fake emo, who left the scene the moment the scene changed to dub-step and club music. I was there, watching you all, like sonny Moore, went from FFTL to that dubstep skrillex shit he started in 2009.

I dated you, hooked up with you and I went to your gigs. I know who was real and who was fake. I met some of you years later and realised the more emotive ones were the less "alternative appearing".

I can say 1/10000 emo guys from the 00s were genuinely Into the music and scene for the right reasons based on my dating history and this can and will be analysed statistically using SPSS one day to prove a lot. I've had too many relationships from each sub-culture and I have had 4-11 males at a time per public "output" of my energy pursue me over life.

I'm not being cocky when I say I have a long line of "suitors" and its banked back about 50 men. it's been a thing I've avoided as it seems to grow based on my body shape, attitude, appearance, so I am currently out of touch with dating scenes, no interest to try that ANYWAY, given the fact that I have had so many LONG TERM relationships ANYWAY. I can't see another one going well, and at this case, I'm living with an ex but we never went on conventional and now our families label this 3 things: "asexual", "polyamorous" and "open relationship". I'm also "bisexual" but this all to humans outside, looks ridiculous on paper. (wild orgies and lots of swinging or some stupid sex magick probably is what J brother literally thinks we do).

bc humans are intrinsically designed to need to label things they don't understand. we share a lease, not a relationship, and fucking polyamorous, I WISH. there are no girl-girl-guy 3 some, or orgies, or sex magic parties.

this has changed the attitude and perception of this "relation' which Is non-romantic, non-sexual. he can date and likely, will, as can I , and I likely won't date.

I would say 14/15 have had ADHD, or other mental illness and or trauma. which means to me, nothing at all.

I think this "open book" non romantic relationship style of "friends and roommates" not sexual.

attachment is misunderstood by others but works well fro my adhd, meaning I'm not expected to marry, or be a wife in any capacity. he is free to do what he wants, as I am, and open communication is a novel frontier I brought into this in the start, and stayed with for the duration. we fight, but I fight with a lot of people in my life over many petty things. also down to my adhd, I believe, I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes me hypersensitive to rejection, perceived or real.

im not sure if this is trauma or adhd or both. but

I have used sexuality as a weapon in many relationships but it cannot or will not be used here, so I have had to resort to uncovering parts of myself which I never knew, which will stay with me even if he decided to marry and wife up in 5 years, which I'm okay and expecting him to do, and I would much rather that then be trapped in a situation where I cannot be that "wife/mother archetype" as I'm too "femme fatal/other-woman/sex-laced seductress and siren" a "FWB, unicorn, drug buddy, hook-up where im a therapist" or "intellectual and cognitive mind-bender work-study obsessed woman".

both at once and many types of human, including one who is a full-time ceremonial magician of 7 years. I will drink, drug, fuck, fight like males and still be more feminine and high maintenance than 89% of women. I grew up a tomboy and don't mind getting into fun, adventure based situations, like hiking, or anything adrenaline, I would only be reluctant to eat weird shit.

I also have many "neurological" issues including ADHD, and trauma which causes a rupture in the average human and I dating.

I'll tell you how many men have said "you are the unicorn" and then realised what that means, I went as far as canvasing the PUA world back in 2014 after reading the game, a book on PUA, which is essentially, pick up artistry, based on NLP and hypnosis. I did this after reading the copy my ex in 2008 handed me before we dated saying "I gave this up for you". it took me years to open the book, buy when I did I truly believed the only way I would fall in love again, was through PUA. that failed in so many ways but gave me a training foundation for men who were candidates for that, I have trained up J, and the way that sounds is BAD. I know, but I got a lot of value myself, I just don't see it how I wanted to see it.

but that was my original intent, and I achieved this he knows that, knew it was happening and evolved for the best self.

I am thinking we can modulate this into a business model for how I was operating in the BDSM world was mainly psychological, not physical.

I get told all of is incredibly intimidating (I am told) to women and men.

I don't really care anymore, because people have always seen this part of me in the wrong way ANYWAY, but I own who I am NOW. which is what I needed ANYWAY. so it cannot be stolen again, and sexual healing has come from abstinence ironically.

I also don't care what or who is trying to tear up my relations, toxic or not toxic, all people around me will be on a healing journey by default, or cut out of my life, for I am radiating that energy so brightly its impossible NOT to feel that pull.

I will drag your shadows into the light, and make your secrets spin from your lips into my consciousness. its not what I do but its what is design.

I make your weaknesses mountains to climb over. you cannot hide from these in my presence, I won't be this controlling or obsessive female who wants 24-7 attention as I have a life full of meaning without love or sex. I don't want to be wined, dined or expensively gifted, unless specially requested.

I don't want love letters or romantic declarations, this isn't some femnazi bullshit, but it triggers me. I appreciate the efforts and won't make you feel bad about your insecurities, for mine are probably 30 x more pronounced.

I appreciate small things, that most males won't or don't know how to do. like remembering things I've said and being thoughtful. or knowing my silence isn't personal, or a game, but a protective wall. I've had songs sung too me, guitars played, songs written, or things made in ways that are heartfelt. but I've always had them used against me too. so it is the context. I value time, energy, conversations of depth and reciprocal exchange. I also value trauma understanding, my alters and fragments being accepted and valued as me as a whole and a person who is not afraid, or scared of stupid stuff like sensitivity, emotions, feelings as raw as my own. men feel intensely too, lol.

but will only give oral sex 100 times before I don't recieve it, I can communicate now so that wouldn't happen.

but I won't be a bitch about this stuff. I am extremely feminine and care in ways other people, do not, I forget nothing people tell me, so it can be a reward or reverse uno card pull in a fight, but I am not evil or deviant in my relations. I react, depending on how you treat me. I don't need your money, or providing source of income to be okay as I am my own queen, however sharing resources is okay to build something. I don't need to be seduced, but will need to be shown a person is trustworthy.

few cross that.

that will always be time-endurance and testing. there are ground rules I don't play with, or play games. or like being forced or forged into something I'm not. I know abusive and I know safe, and I am a psychology expert, trained psychotherapist and study humans for fun, so I'll always be analysing things.

and I know red flags and I know ego, I know how to placate and please and pleasure, but will only do so, for a bigger and better reason than the mere act of seduction. which is without value and transactional to someone like me, I won't lie.

and I know every tactic in the book, for the book was written by someone like me, many lives ago, and my karma is being burnt for that book.

in terms of walls, I have many, may it be called a maze. or labrnyth.

I will teach you things you never thought you'd know, and change your life in ways you won't ever be able to go back to before. I will blow your mind, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, on all levels, and I'll make your friends and family love me.

I'll bring your walls down and you won't be able to understand this, because you don't understand me, and thats ok.

but I'll always understanding you and make your life better because thats what I do anyway, and people talk to me about things I will never share, as I keep secrets. I am jealous, of everything but, only because I am attached in a disorganised way, and working on that.(I won't even mention how man women or men don't know basic psychology of themselves). I also am a therapist , for my friends and family too.i should not be , but I am. I care, I listen, If you think I'm not listening, I'm still listening. sometimes I interrupt, because I have ADHD and I am horrible at resolute planning, or being "normal". but I don't want to be normal anyway. I need you to recognise and understand my shit, for that is what I do for everyone in my life, and I have helped more than I receive.

I'll probably accidentally give you therapy, but thats fine, because you will uncover your depths and find meaning in this. it's not something that goes bad unless you are fundamentally, evil, even the most abusive relationship I was in, was benefited from this process. yes he's still narcissistic, but he is self-aware. and did I benefit, never, just know the anatomy of self-proclaimed narc and I still can't hate him. will get my civil claim one day.

I will fuck your mind without meaning too. but thats because I fuck my own mind. but the meaning is made in the man- some find this highly offensive or personal (its not). I fuck minds by my own overthinking, or over perception on many levels of reality. so join the ride, or don't come along at all. because once the rollercoaster is in motion, I have no control of what may or may not happen. it's purely experimental.

I am experimental.

and the women who are judging me, are not any better.

look within, and shut the fuck up. self-improve and quit this jealous divide and conquer bitchiness. I HATE gossip, bitches, snitches and fakers.

I look to other women who are intellectually, physically and spiritually "individual". and find value in superior status to my own, which is something my narcissistic ex taught me.

I look for mentors, and teachers and people who will teach me how to improve myself, which I am fearful to reconnect after something is amazing and I can't give anything back of positive value. I am sorry I am working on that.

I won't devalue those below me, but I also need to be mutually benefiting from a relationship.

I dont drag people down, I may disappear if I feel I am doing this by mistake. I am flakey as fuck, and sorry for that. its anxiety and lack of perfectionism, so I am wrong and bad for this. I can change. will change.

if you can find value with my relation, personal professional or romantic, we can move into a symbiotic beneficial agreement based on mutual "terms". but many won't or cannot see this, nor do I impose my bullshit into the lives of randoms at this age.

I don't care if this is cruel, it's real.

I value loyalty, compassion, self-insight/awareness, someone who understands all parts-spirituality, metaphysics while still having intellectual & logical & analytical brain-sight.

I enjoy music, magick and learning new things.

I do not care about appearances I dont think ive dated based on one time. I do value connections and chemistry which is far-few between, I hate fakers. I smell insincerity miles away. but I do respect women who are well-presented, or beautiful, with hair beauty and makeup, I can't do this shit well, so I look up to those who are in professions who do it like art. I find them to be genius level queens who scare me.

I call out bad behaviour and make people uncomfortable if they are repressed. I will change you without even meaning too, I don't even need to date you. its just my presence, over time, amplified by the intensity of the dynamics.

I don't want simplicity, but I also don't need over complexity.

I value passion, independence, creativity, curiosity, problem-solving, deep-disscussions, shared adventures and some occasional risk-taking (lol), sensuality and sexuality for a common cause beyond physical pleasure. I like being taught but not micromanaged. I need my own independence, and need to be trusted with that. I hate being scolded for that like a child, or being pushed to change my ways to conform to societal values. which I will push back and refuse to do. which is not healthy. I don't adult like many others do, but I try to proceed in other ways. and learn to adult like normal people, accept me.

I also value myself, and how I can be celebrated, enhanced and improved vs. the opposite.

I give space, and have boundaries, and understand human psychology, sexuality and relationships in ways few others unless they are trained, can do.

I value MY time. so you can have space to value YOURS. I dont need to be in anyones pocket for a long time. I love being alone, and being around people who are stimulating, but draining people will be drained out of my life quicker than I intend. I am sorry for the people who felt I disappeared, when I was only trying to be 'fair', if I feel I'm a bad influence, I will work on myself until I'm not. I'm still working on it.

I also use this psychology awareness, to enhance communication, connection. you may or may not become an accidental guinea pig. I will be upfront that I am experimental, but that is part of the buy ticket and take the ride. lets work together. not apart.

I am coming from a place of love, and love is what I feel for my animals, which you will be adopting as children.which I want to stop experiments being done on. I love love, in all ways, but hate cruelty of animals and children, violence and suffering. I dont advocate justice, because I find life is fucking cruel, unfair and unjust. by default, so I focus on myself. what can be changed, and what I am able to do in my own locus on control. I will always find myself drawn to the outsiders, the misfits, the vagabonds, the misunderstood. I want to help people who are society, or socially, disadvantaged by trauma and mental illness, but only when I have ability to help myself.

it's a journey.

I will not date anyone who is cruel to animals, outside of specify magical sacrifice, there is not any place for that. nor will I date or fraternise with anything or anyone linked or associated with pedophilia. I won't judge anyone on anything that are outside animal cruelty and pedophilia. I don't and haven't. I keep on good terms with every ex, bar 1 whom I only apologised too this year. it felt good to do that. I change my behaviour.

I am open, but also highly attuned to both logical, factual, empirical , scientific worlds, and spiritual, intuitive, psychic and the "collective unconscious". I walk in both these realms, and I am "conventionally attractive". which puts a lot of pressure on me, to be "stupid". I am always dumbing myself down to fit into normality, but I look ridiculous if I do that so I peacock my intellect.

only to be misconceived.

I give up because I no longer care how anyone but MYSELF can see ME. I won't dumb myself down , but I can enhance you UP. prepare yourself for graded education, evolution and self-growth on mass scales.sorry not sorry.

that sucks for the people who want to be living vicariously through me, for making up to lost trauma years, for family who sold me out for the success I'd bring home, or fake trauma enmeshed friends, or whatever they want or need from me. I value my time and energy, and have given that in abundance, and if you want to be with nut only "one part of me that is alters". I can't provide that now. not sorry.

I have to work on something or not be in a dynamic at all.

I no longer can switch on demand to adapt for you, it will not be effective and that upsets a lot of people. especially now I'm sober. harder to handle this, as I see the world for its ways and why it is, more vividly. I haven't had alcohol for almost 2 months, although, I could drink, I haven't.

I can't do it, anymore. it, being, faking, my selves fronting to impress. I can't. I have no more left to give, and I'm expected by everyone to be a way I can't do it in the way they want.

I will go to another year long outpatient DBT, followed by 10 weeks of A-C-T therapy, and however many ECT OR TMS may or may not help. I'm told it won't (ect) work. but TMS, is something I am open too. but I am telling you, none of this psychotherapy, that will be based on dbt skills, day therapy, intensive skills training, recommencing my studying, and resuming "life worth living" will or can wipe the traumas I've "recovered" memories for.

I will also shut the fuck up, and tell nobody about this if you leave me alone, I told that to my family, and this is open letter to the watchers, stalkers and perps who read this openly as I track the hits on here and have 200+ visits a day every day for the last month. globally. no idea how or who you are but I think its the same people who called the police for the "ayreon song lyrics" seen to be a suicide not last October.

thanks for that wake up call, I have shut the fuck up, since December, more so now. I will burn the journals, or lock them up.

my recovery is not linear, not yet fully integrated and I trust nobody so I don't think my psychotherapy will be deep, I focus on things like ADHD AND my EDNOS. and dbt skills. I won't be talking about sexual traumas.

enjoy the update, and thanks for the "attention".

I have my goals, my work, my meaning and what my life should and could and will look like, but I will not share that with anyone. that means everyone right now.

I've been tested, traumatised and terrorised to the point of not-tolerant of anyone who may bring that back, and banish the fuck out of my sphere every moment I need.

take me as I am, or watch me as I go, which I will go, where I am not wanted I will remove myself, but I will find where I am celebrated because I create that.

I will rise up against all adversity every time but that is survival and that created a resilient and brave woman, in me. who will not be destroyed or decomposed by humans who are fundamentally fucking evil.

I gift you my truth, in progression, and give up the pain of the past.

[northcarolinanative]

𝙲𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗/𝙲𝚑 𝟷𝟹

Chapter 13: Don’t Remind Me 

A/N: I am so sorry for the late update. I haven’t been feeling particularly motivated the past week or so, but hopefully, I am back and will be writing more:) thank you guys so much for reading my stuff, it means the world really. As always my asks/requests/messages are open:) 

Description: John B’s Sister comes home from staying with their mom, only to find out that her brother is missing and her dad was murdered. JJ may have just lost his best friend. Her and JJ have to figure out what to do and how to pick up the pieces.

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JJ insisted that we both text Kie and Pope about the previous encounter with Barry. He wanted to make sure that they were aware of the situation, and were looking out for Rafe. If anything, after the way Rafe looked when I saw him, Pope should be scared. JJ was getting frustrated, repeating what we had to do to me. He kept pacing through the kitchen, clearly still on edge from the encounter with Barry. 

“Deny, Deny, Deny,” I spoke cutting JJ off. “I know,” I spoke standing up and walking to the opposite side of the bar that JJ was leaning against. “We don’t know anything, the hot tub was a gift from uncle T, felt bad for leaving JB here alone so much right?” I questioned him. 

He shrugged his shoulders before nodding. “I need to get 50k quick, Y/N.” He said again. “How the hell am I gonna do that? I mean Pope said he’d help me pay back the restitution, but I can’t ask him to do that.” He shook his head. 

I hated how JJ was so stubborn, especially now. “Hey, you didn’t pull the plug on Topper’s boat yourself right?” I looked at him raising an eyebrow, the stern tone of my voice was evident. 

“I talked him into it though. You and I both know Pope would not have done that if I wouldn’t have been there.” He fired back. 

“Well, he still did it JJ, which is why I think that you should let him help you pay back the restitution. You put this on your record, this isn’t just a fight on the point or shoplifting JJ, you took the fall for a felony.” I said emphasizing what he did. 

“Thanks, Y/N. I really needed a reminder of that” He spat out, pushing himself off the counter turning and pulling his hands through his hair. I could tell that I was getting under his skin, but he needed to hear it. At least that’s what I was telling myself. “You gonna remind me that I also stole money from a drug dealer, or that the cops could come banging on the door because Rafe was found innocent and I am an accomplice to murder, or that just lost my best friend searching for a damn ship?” He said turning around, his voice rising with each point. 

“Oh don’t even go there JJ,” I said warning him about his last statement, standing up from my seat. He scoffed and shook his head.

 “I lost my best friend, and you lost your brother dude. The guy who’s guilty just beat you in front of the other fucking kooks. How are you not pissed?” He asked as he moved closer to me. I could feel the anger radiating off his body. I was almost always the one to stay calm when the boys would get hot-headed. I was always the level headed one, especially last summer when Kie wasn’t around. “We’re alone Y/N. How are we gonna do this?” He said. While he fronted the statement with rage and anger I heard the pain behind it. We didn’t have parents to run home to at night, or a rich family to bail him out, we had us and the small hope that John B and Sarah were alive. Alive in Nassau. 

“JJ, take a deep breath alright,” I said trying to calm him down. I didn’t want him to break. I felt it coming, with all the pressure that he was feeling right now, I could sense that a breaking point was close. “Please,” I whispered to him, putting my hand on his bicep trying to get him to look at me. 

“No, Y/N, I won’t calm down.” He said shaking my hand from his arm. “I’m fucking livid and you should be too.” He said before storming out of the house. 

“JJ please wait.” I yelled as I stepped out onto the porch, but it was too late. I heard the familiar sound of his bike as it revved and the cloud of sandy dust was kicked up behind him. 

I sighed, leaning my head against the door frame leading outside. I had been through this before, but it was different this time, this time it was JJ instead of John B. After the disappearance of our father John B and I would stay on the phone for hours recounting memories and talking about what he could have been doing. Neither of us was ready to think of the alternative, so we would say that he fled into Canada, or that he was on some island he bought with the gold. We made up crazy theories and laughed but the conversations almost always took a turn to JB recounting the last few moments he had spent with his father. I could hear the guilt that he felt for what he had said to him. Even after months, during our last phone call, he was angry, talking about how DCS wanted to move him because Uncle T was off somewhere and JB couldn’t get to him. 

When I offered to get to reach out he said he didn’t want her help. While mine and my mother's relationship was definitely not something I bragged about, her relationship with John B was worse, almost nonexistent, but with a heavy seasoning of hate. John B blamed her for the divorce, saying she could have stayed on the Island, saying that she ran away from her mistakes. Both John B and I were too young at the time to understand what had happened between our parents. All we had been able to piece together from the two of them was that our mother had an affair with someone from Figure 8, causing their divorce. 

I looked out over the yard, seeing the hot tub as the sun reflected off the still water, my thoughts made their way back to JJ. I understood why he was mad. He had 30k in restitution, while Rafe and Ward Cameron walked, untouched by the law, for killing the sheriff. I wanted Rafe to rot in a prison cell, but knew that mine and the pogues' statements held nothing against Ward's “eyewitness testimony.” 

I was shaken from my thoughts as a loud knock echoed through the house. I was startled, about to make a run for it when I heard it again followed by a loud male voice. “Kildare County Sheriff’s Department.” I froze walking into the house looking for anything incriminating that they might try to take from us. Another knock echoed and seemed to shake the house with it.

 I made my way to the door, taking a deep breath before turning the handle and pulling the door open, just enough for them to see me and my face. “How can I help you?” I stated, putting on the friendliest smile that I could muster up. 

I recognized the officer as Shoupe, but the other was a female, had a few old cuts, and bruises littering her face. Shoope looked at me and then back to the officer to his right. I could see him putting the pieces together. Why did I open the door? I knew this was gonna happen eventually. “I knew you looked familiar when I saw you at the point the other day,” Shoope said as he finally put it all together. His partner had a look of confusion covering her face as she looked between the two of you. “Y/N Routledge” He spoke, the officer’s eyes widening as she looked over me. I nodded sarcastically in her direction, letting her know that I was not satisfied with her facial expression. I looked over at Shoope the same expression towards him, letting him know I was not happy with him. “You here by yourself?” He questioned, trying to look past me in the doorway. 

“No, My mom went to get some stuff from the mainland. We’re cleaning out, going back and forth.” I said quickly. It was a vague enough lie that I hoped he believed. The last thing I need is DCS here, starting the cycle over like it was with John B. 

Shoupe nodded his head but scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. “Is there something I can help you with or where you just coming to check up on me?” I said leaning against the door frame. 

“We’re looking for JJ, got a few questions for him. He here?” Shoup cut straight to the point. 

I shook my head. “JJ isn’t here,” I said plainly. Technically it wasn’t a lie. Shoupe gave me a questioning look. I shrugged my shoulders, last time I saw him was yesterday morning, he was making deliveries to someone over on Figure 8.” I lied again. This one seemed to please Shoupe as he nodded before stepping back from the door. 

“Thanks, Y/N.” He nodded before moving down the stairs, followed reluctantly by the other officer. He turned one last time and spoke, “We’ll be back to talk to you, your mom, and the rest of your friends.” He smiled, but it just caused my stomach to turn at his words. I watched as they looked back over to me while backing out of the driveway. I smiled before waving to them. I closed the door behind me, sliding my back down until my butt hit the ground. I let my head fall in my hands. JJ was gone, god knows where and the police were looking for him? I slipped my phone out of my pocket, sending a quick text to the other’s saying that the police were sniffing around the area, to lay low. 

I hit my head back against the door and let out a long deep breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding. I was starting to stress out as the day's events seemed to just keep piling up. It was barely 7:30 but I was exhausted, from my encounter with Rafe to the Wreck to Barry to JJ to the cops. I needed a break. 

I made my way over to the bed in the living room, slowly sinking down into it. I rolled over, close to JJ’s side. I wrapped myself in the blanket that somehow managed to smell like him. I laid there, happy for the calm and quiet. One thought kept circulating my mind though. JJ was right, What the fuck are we gonna do?

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[yyxgin]

no bar!! never fret about replying late. i know what it’s like to not want to talk to anyone. honestly. i won’t call it (my experience) a depressive episode bc one of my friends used to brush off me when i was saying things like i’m depressed and say ‘sad’ instead. like if i were to say ‘that made me/i am depressed’ she’d say something like ‘oh god same! like if it’s making you sad,, don’t do it.’ which is a v poor example of what she did but i never called it depressed after that bc she pissed me off n was disregarding of my feelings (even though she’s incredibly anxious herself) bc i didn’t get it officially diagnosed. idk if you’ve ever read about birth control pills but i always read on tumblr people calling them literal depression pills and i ignored it, thinking either 1) people were being dramatic / were over-dramatising it or 2) it wouldn’t happen to me anyway. it fucking happened and they were not being dramatic. i was never happy n always working on minimal sleep n making self depreciating jokes all the time bc it was the only way i could cope with my thoughts n constant mood swings. so what i’m trying to say is,, i know how it feels. if that’s any consolation. it’s not me trying to be ‘oh me too!’ or ‘mine was worse than you’ it’s just me being understanding n telling you it’s okay. also lemme at your friends!! i’ll stomp them out n get the barman to run them over for you!! they’re so mean to forget you!! i find that deciding i want to do something specific n then asking the appropriate people if they want to do saïd thing/place works for me. it can be a simple ‘we should do this, when are you free?’ helps. making it known that you want to do things helps. or aggressively remind them that it’s nice to be asked bc it means they thought of you even if you couldn’t go n tried to include you. or we can revisit me stomping them out w my beloved barman,,, whatever works best for you my dear <3

admittedly me and one of the girls were discussing that we are going to miss our manager. even though literally everyone moaned about her (i feel like it’s impossible to avoid in literally any job/situation) she did have her moments and she did a lot for the staff like after work-drinks, asking the chefs if we could order off of the customer menu instead of the staff menu or whatever they cook in bulk for everyone to take home in the evening. apparently she did this a lot more than the previous manager. she has a good heart but sometimes she ignored some of the girls when we ask for days off or our availability for the week which was very annoying of her. it could’ve been a lot worse, i suppose, but overall she wasn’t terrible.

thé lady who lives in my town and drops me given the chance, told me the other night that she used to be the duty manager. i asked her why she stopped and she explained that when they furloughed everyone they asked her to come back on like half pay or something? idk i just remember it being explained as they wanted her to come back sooner and take away her furlough so she said no and got demoted. but somehow she still gets some of the furlough? idk i have been taught that asking how much or discussing specifics of paychecks kind of thing is rude, growing up. she has been telling me they keep asking her to come back (now they’re asking her to be a supervisor since she declined the manager role) and she keeps saying no. i love her and want the best for her so i won’t say anything to anyone about the conversations me and her have had (i mean, apart from maybe my mum if i can remember, and you bc, let’s be real, you don’t know me and idk you) and she says they’re just difficult to work with as a management team. she even said our area manager isn’t impressed with our current assistant manager (who is currently the only person on an houred contract since our manager left) which shocked me since i personally think he is quite good considering he has a good relationship with the staff and kitchen (he’s thai so he can communicate with the kitchen better than most of the wait staff (some wait staff are thai but mostly not)) i think she doesn’t want to be the eldest person in management or she doesn’t want the age gap to be so big since she has a kid she can lecture at home, she doesn’t need to be looking after people at work, y’know?

also today, me and one of the girls were upstairs (two floors of the restaurant!) and it’s nearing 11pm and her brother (who also works there) comes up and asks us when we’re finishing (mostly her lol) but we had two tables just sitting talking amongst themselves so she just said idk. he was saying he wanted to go bc he’s tired etc n he’s driving n she was like it’s fine go home i’ll call an uber or something n he was refusing to leave her behind. (i feel like i brushed over the two tables sitting there but it must be noted they’re the only tables left in the entire restaurant and we were the only two wait staff still there, apart from her brother but he changed and was waiting downstairs). anyway, she was sweeping (i was cleaning the booth/sofa thingy chairs as it was a mundane task we could do to pass time and while she was sweeping by one of the tables thé boyfriend was whispering to his girlfriend saying ‘should we go?’ and the girlfriend said ‘why should i care?’ and the girl came over to tell me v quietly and i got so upset for her. bc she is literally the sweetest person on the earth and the only reason i didn’t go to ask the manager to see if i could go home with the lady who offers to take me (ex-duty manager lady!) was so she wasn’t alone up there. if i had been the one sweeping near that table i would’ve snapped so fucking hard at them. i mean, we’re 18 and have lives and sleep schedules, and we’re working until 11pm on a thursday before we even get home?? like i wouldn’t have minded staying if they were reasonable tables but after the gf said that i was like ‘shall i go get our stuff from the staff room?’ so i could split as fast as possible. in the end the temporary acting manager came up and told us we could finish and she kicked the tables out ten minutes later. i told her what the table saïd and she thought that was mean and unnecessary too. i was also worried about my sleep tonight since i have my first vaccine tomorrow morning. that’s why i was more pressed about what time i left work today. oh well.

im sorry for talking so much about work! sometimes i don’t have someone to talk to about it (at home) bc of my weird hours and sometimes i don’t like re-explaining things to my mum if she doesn’t get it the first seven times. sometimes it’s just a little too draining as she doesn’t understand since she’s a lifer at her job. it’s easier to explain to my dad but then i get a whole lecture on something that i ultimately have no control over n id rather just bitch w the girls at work but the problem is WE’RE AT WORK!!!

also i booked for my first tattoo!! i’m excited. it’s for next week,, which was super quick considering i was expecting to have to wait soooo much longer. i’ve been telling people about it and that it’s happening but i haven’t had the pleasure of telling people exactly where i got the idea from. bar, my dear, you know wheein’s new album, redd? well, it comes with loads of things, including these stickers (one for each song) and the one from springtime was just so perfect and when i saw it my first thought was, this would be a perfect tattoo. and so i am having it tattooed on my body. a subtle nod to kpop whilst also having something meaningful on my body. i also have just decided i want a small, minimalistic (or one-line art) rose on my sternum, kind of in the valley of my breasts, bc my nan was a rose. i like having her close to me. i recently got her necklace fixed which has left me feeling so incomplete after it broke in august last year. it’s been almost ten years and i think i’m long overdue something to remind me of her. i fiddle with my necklace when i’m nervous which is why i love it so much but incase it breaks again (i pray it doesn’t but i have a long life ahead of me) i would like her close still.

gosh there’s never enough space in my head to remember what i want to tell you so i’ll stop here for now since i should sleep to be able to wake up in time for my first jab. i’m scared but it’s whatever i’ll do it i suppose,, eeek 😨

ilyl ~ 🌻

thank you so much for opening up to me about this, it means a lot to me :( i am so sorry you had to go through this and honestly,, i really resonate with you. i feel like when i talk about my emotions and my sadness (dont know if its okay to call it depression either but yea), my friend either always either makes me feel like my emotions arent valid or she tells me she doesnt know how to help, which is frankly, why i dont talk about my emotions to people irl anymore. i dont open up and it takes me a long long time to do so if i ever do, because i tend to feel insecure/not safe :D so really, thank you for telling me and i hope you are doing better. your emotions are valid and i am always here for you 

HAHAHA i mean i dont have many friends so theres not many to stomp on:( but i mean,, i get passive aggressive when i feel forgotten/left out so you best believe i told my friend how im feeling, but like uhhh it didnt do much. i spent the whole weekend at work and i was free on friday but my friend decided to ditch me and yeah. i havent been out in like two weeks now and i mean i am an introvert so i dont mind that much but even i want to socialise sometimes

aah i mean every manager has their flaws, no one’s perfect. my manager keeps calling me to go to work even though i was literally there for 11 hours on saturday AND sunday which means i worked for 20 hours in two days. and i work 20 hours a week at max. and i already worked some hours before the weekend so i think i have like 30 hours now and she keeps calling??? dude i need a break too,,i am so exhausted and tired of this shit :dd

oh i totally get what the lady that drops you off sometimes told you. i would feel a little iffy if i heard it too, but like,,,judge by your own experiences!! if you feel like something is off, you can always leave,, so i wouldn’t be so stressed about it.

why are people so rude ??? dude,,you should care, because we are all human. everyone has their needs and their lives and i bet he wouldnt like it if he was the one in your place. why should you stay there longer just because he didnt want to leave?? that was so unnecessary. people are weird beings and i learnt that after working with them this weekend,,,like i litereally got screamed at because i couldnt accept cash in different currency. like,,what tf do you want me to do?? i dont have every single currency with me so i could give u the change ?? tf ??

ALSO ITS OKAY TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT !!!! i also feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about work bc my parents dont listen to me as much as they used to these days and my friend unsurprisingly just doesnt care bc she doesnt work,, and i dont wanna talk to my internet friends abt it as much bc i feel annoying so i am glad us two can talk about these things together !!!! 

YOUR FIRST TATTOOOO WHOAAAH thats so cool. i love tattoos hihi dfkja idk if u already had the appointment but tell me how it went after !! i wasnt able to find the sticker on the internet but im sure it looks hella pretty. also i love how it reminds you both of kpop and your grandma, its wonderful <3 i really want to get a tattoo one day,, and i also want something meaningful (not that i am hating on people that tattoo themselves just for fun and have no meaning behind their tattoos i just have commitment issues so i want something long lasting). alSO my crush (yes i have a crush now ew) has a tattoo and it looks like satan lowkey,,but apparently its a japanese something (i forgot the word oopsies) and it means jealousy, bad past and wisdom ?? i was like BOY IF U DONT??? fjdkla he has blue hair btw i am very much whipped but he also doesnt know me and i am older than him so this is embarrassing

ALSO I HOPE YOURE FEELING WELL AFTER GETTING THE VACCINE !!! 

ily <333

[ask-vaal-hazak]

I just left a homebrew dnd campaign I've a message for new DM's

If your running a campaign for 2 ppl and there level 3 do not throw cr 6 and 9 monsters at them. For the love of the divine do not.

Extremely fustrating and deadly. And dont use the monsters from a homebrew forum bc it just sounds cool. Bc that "cool" cr 6 hag going against a lv3 party with multiple attack. Multiple spell cast and spell immunity and able to polymorph into any creature it wants at will is devastating.

Just to rant here. I lost 3 characters in 1 hour. My lv 3 barbarian (minotaur zelot). My battlemaster (centaur) and my wizard (yuan ti)

To be a dm ya have to balance and make sure every fight isnt designs to just upright kill ppl at the start bc. 5d12 worth of dmg with multiple attack on a hag or any creature. Is friggin broken.

There no way in hell a monster for a party of 2, level 3 adventures should hit for 5d12 (3 times) and be able to cast 2 spells (at will without using a spell slot) EVERY ROUND. And on top of that have a movement speed of 90 and an ac of 23. (I asked the dm to let me see what he was using and thers more. Swim of 30, fly of 300 ect this is pretty much a god with its stats but the cr says 6. It dosent even feel like a 6. More like a lv 20 broken sack of crap)

This is the reason there are tutorial guides in the book(s) and youtube to show you why you should look at cr then your players levels b4 u design an encounter.

I cant describe how fustrating it was to see my barbarian. Who I spent 5hours making just get tapped lightly and die. Bc 48 hp at lv 3 and taking well over 10 pts of dmg bc apparently she crit me on all attacks and only did like 1 attack to our female player (for 2 dmg with a level 6 scorching ray [its bs] ) was "Fair bc your a barbarian and should be able to tank this EASILY" (quote the dm.)

If there is a way to piss off players it's this and having a game were you get railroaded so hard it's a traveling trip with skill checks with a minimum of 18-20 to notice something like a bear on the road when the weather is CLEAR and everyone is PAYING THE HELL ATTENTION ON A BANDIT HIGHWAY. Not to mention the SCREAMS OF A CYCLOPS AS IT LITERALLY SMASHES INTO THE CARAVAN ACROSS A PLANE WITH A FEW TREES ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

Oh and let me not forget the NPCS WHO WANT TO SLEEP WITH EVERYONE BC THEY THINK THERE HOT AND DESERVE A NICE HOT MEAT ROD FOR THEIR SERVICES OF INTRODUCING THEMSELVES.

*Facepalm* my god....oh and if your thinking

"GEE-WILLY Mr. Person surely it couldnt be that bad?" This guys campaign was pretty much parappa the rapper, jojo bizarre adventures, bloodborne, Resident evil and memes.

I had a character who came in and apparently they caused the world to have wormholes? (Somehow) and referenced it everytime we played even when that character died. In session one. Bc apparently a company named (I kid you not) Shoe Rack was the equivalent of resident evil's umbrella cooperation. Complete with a drow leader and a litch bookkeeper who turned everyone into zombies to work for free while they apparently made diamonds to sell for millions of gold and keep the workers working g for 1 copper every month. Only giving gold to ppl that would sleep with them.

Not to mention apparently everyone in this world had magic resist or spell immunity to everyone except to females. And when I made a female char apparently that rule became I valid and it was just a straightforward

Me: does a 17 hit?

Dm: well it would but .... *they grin*

Me: but?

Dm: they use a special ring to catch the spell and cast meteor swarm on you point blank.

Me: well they get hit too I just stabbed them with a dagger.

Dm: no you see it's a SMALL METEOR THAT ONLY HITS THE PERSON THAT HIT THEM

Me: so they and my teammate. Who has literally been stabbing them are fine?"

Dm: yes

Me (takes like 589 pts of dmg and is ded)

Dm: the litch turns to you and asks if you want a cup of coffee.

Female player: umm sure?

Dm: whoo-yeah. Combat over you get 500 go and a date with the litch.

Me: I'm sorry what?

Female player: umm...ok. awsome.

Me: ......ok cool so I'll just bring in-

Dm: no that's cool the litch revives yorubas a female zombie slave.

Me: why?

Dm: and you need to have sex to keep yourself alive.

Me: yeah no. I'll just bring in my centaur battle master

1 hour later

Dm: you take umm..let's see *rolls dice.*

Me: (waiting)

Dm: *rolls a shit ton more dice*

Me: (waiting)

Dm: oh oh no *grins*

Me: (takes 40 dmg) I'm still up

Dm: how?

Me: I have 48 hp....I'm still up

Dm: ok it's your attack I guess.

Me: rolls a nat 1 "ok I guess I have disadvantage on my next att-"

Dm: rolls a d100 and a d10 (the percentile)

Me: what are you doing?

Dm: rolling for severity of your fail. Btw how much dmg does your lance do?

Me: it does 1d12 dmg and why are you using severity. That's not in 5e and you said we-

Dm: as you fail you accidentally stab yourself in the throat as your spear hits a rock and you take *rolls dice* 35 pts of dmg

Me: ok I'm out that's bs. Number one and two I have a lance and thers no way I can do 35 dmg. I get about 24 dmg on a crit and 28 if I use my racial feature to kick a person at max with a crit.

Dm: oh your just being salty, you dont play fair!

Me: excuse me?

Dm: ALL YOU DO IS PLAY SPELL CASTWRS AND THATS CHEATING!

Me: bc everyone has spell immunity for some reason or only takes 1/4 the dmg. I'm pretty much useless and am being fored to play melee unlike our LOREMASTER BARD who got an item to DOUBLE HER DMG AND SPELL SLOTS AND CRIT ON A 15 PERMANENTLY (this is the female btw)

Dm: well maybe you should have slept with the litch

Me: she literally found that item in a store for like 3 silver and when I looked (with a 17 arcana check) I found a rusty dagger and a flask of poisoned potion.

Dm: well maybe roll higher?

Female player: umm I rolled like a 10 and found this that's kind of cool but I dont think it's fair. But o wanna keep my items

Dm: ugh fine. You keep yours. Ummm (to me) I guess you get a potion of greater healing for....umm 500 go.

Me:.......nah I'm good, FUCK IT. I'll just make another spell caster Oops. Cant do that. How about a nope. Cant make a barbar I'm going to make a artificer

Dm: cant do that

Me: why?

Dm: they're broken its not good.

Me: *with the book* not broken..ulyou know what why dont you make me a character and I'll use that.

Dm: hands me a sheet

Me: reads "Zonia the sexy zombie elf sex slave that gets stronger every time she has sex?" *Looks at everyone* ok I'm out enjoy the campaign.

Dm: we cant have a dnd adventure with only 1 person.

Me: yes you can you've been doing it since session 1. I'm out goodbye. I'm still running my campaign on sunday. I wont hole anything against you. But I will not sit here and be shit on bc I refuse to kiss yur ass and make a slut of a character. Pull your head from your ass. I'm taking my stuff and I'm out.

Dm: but I need the dm screen and the mat and the markers.

Me: then buy your own or use theater of mind. I'm out.

Like how bad is it to want to be a dm to shit on ppl. THIS, THIS IS NOT OK. and no one wants a zombie sex slave that can only have sex and has a str of 0 a con of 30 a dex of 1 a cha of 40 and so on. Its friggin stupid!

Anyway that's my rant. Im....I think I'm just done with dms and crap I just want to play a dnd game I can be happy with. And not always be the Forever dm. Who has players challenge everything. Like why as a monk they cant use sleight of hand to CATCH A FRIGGIN FIREBALL AND/OR AN ARROW AIMED AT ANOTHER PERSON.

Anyway leave a comment or add on I'm just burnt out and glad I could get this rant off my chest

[shoutoismybaby]

Bakugous crush gets hit on...

Im on mobile so sorry for the weird set-up

Warnings for Cusing and Physical Violence

***

Bakugou had developed a crush on you since the day you got snarky with him over yelling at Izuku. Izuku had stepped on his foot on accident, setting the blonde off into another one of his rage fits. Usually, this was something you would have ignored, like the rest of the class that had become accustomed to his outbursts. But the night before you had stayed up watching Netflix, meaning you had gotten no sleep. Which lead to your tolerance level for the day plummeting to an all-time low. He hadn't even noticed as you pushed yourself out of your seat until you were standing in front of him, jabbing a finger at his chest and causing him to stumble back a few inches. He had opened his mouth the yell at you, but you simply interrupted him.

“Do you EVER shut up?” It took him a couple of seconds to register just what was going on, just like the rest of the class. They had never seen you angry before. “You are so fucking extra! It's 7, AM, it’s too early for your bullshit, Bakugou. Some of us didn’t sleep well last night and would like some peace and quiet. It’s not us ‘extras’ fault no one listens to you at home.”

With that you turned around on the ball of your foot, ponytail smacking him across the face. Almost emphasizing your point in a way. Everyone watched as you sat back down in your seat and took this as a warning to never piss you off.

 That was the day he began to remember your name, and start thinking about you outside of class. It was annoying to him for a while that he couldn't seem to get you out of his head. Every time he went out with his friends, he wondered if you would somehow run into them. Each time he tried a new food, his brain wanted to know if you would like it. Every time you changed something about yourself, such as your hairstyle, he would notice. And he couldn’t stop thinking about it until he fell asleep at night.

It didn’t register in his head that he had a crush on you for a while. Not until Mina had been gushing about a boy she had met at a coffee shop, talking about how she never stopped thinking about him. As soon as it hit him that he viewed you the same way Mina viewed the random barista, he interrupted the whole conversation with-

“If any of you extras ask out (F/n) (L/n), I will kill you.”

And that soon became the unspoken rule of the class. 

Not only did people not want Bakugou to target them, most of them also thought that you two would make a cute couple. You seemed to balance each other out. He was very aggressive, and you were typically passive. However, you could kick Bakugou off of his high horse if you needed to. And that's what he liked most about you. Not only were you cute, but you also had a backbone.

Unfortunately for him, he wasn’t the only guy to notice this. It was rare that the class could go one day without someone who didn’t know about Bakugou's threat hitting on you. Not that they would do it twice, considering Bakugou made sure they were aware of the threat soon after.

Many people wondered why Bakugou didn’t just ask you out. When asked, he simply yelled at them that it was none of their business. In reality, he didn’t think you felt the same way as him, and he didn’t really want to create the awkwardness that would come with you rejecting him.

Until you changed his mind of course.

It was about 30 minutes before class, and Bakugou was wondering the halls in an attempt to get rid of the extras he occasionally thought of as friends. He had passed the classroom he spent most of his time in, 1-A, only to backtrack when he realized the door was open. Aizawa was always late, so why would the door be open? He almost charged in to yell at whoever was in there when he heard your voice.

“Oh, you think so?” He snuck over to the opening of the door and peeked around it. You were holding a textbook, Hero Laws Volume 2 if Bakugou recalled correctly, and using it as a flat surface to write on next to his desk. Why you weren't just using his desk to write on, he didn't know. 

But the person in front of his desk is what made him lose his cool. It was a third-year boy, and from the look at his stance, he was trying to make a move.

Bakugou contemplated busting in and interrupting the whole conversation, but it would be too obvious what he was trying to do. And you would have questions he couldn't answer. So he waited,

“Yeah, I think we would end up being both the cutest and the most powerful couple on campus.” This statement caused Bakugou's blood to boil, and you to freeze. It took you a moment to regain your bearings, 

“You just met me yesterday,” You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you bent over and set the textbook down on Bakugou's desk, beginning to sign your name on the paper that sat on top of it.

“I don’t see how that matters,” the boy replied, closing the distance between you two. But you hadn’t noticed, focusing too much on making your name neat and wishing you hadn't chosen to write with a pen. “It doesn’t change my feelings.”

It was then that you regretted taking your eyes off the boy as you jumped, his hand has made its way to your bum, giving it a squeeze you did not give permission to.

Bakugou at this point began to run into the room so that he could kill the son of a bitch, only to have you beat him to it.

Letting go of the pen, you had picked up the textbook. Allowing the paper to fly off as the large book connected with the jerk's face. Knocking him out cold instantly. Bakugou watched for a moment as you stood there, face red and quickly looking up at him. He was in the middle of the room now, frozen. Seeing your panic, he took a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” He asked, attempting to use an indifferent tone.

“Um, yeah. I was just… I wasn't expecting that.” You sighed, dropping the book and crossing your arms over your chest. “Do you think he’s okay?”

“Is he okay?! Are you kidding me?” Bakugou's anger instantly came back. Why did you care about the pervert who just assaulted you?

“I..” You trailed off, seeming unable to come up with a response. THough your mind was racing. You instantly felt uncomfortable in your own skin, and all of the confidence you had talked into yourself that morning quickly crumbled. You felt too exposed. Too vulnerable.

Even though you were the one who had caused your attacker to be unconscious on the floor. Something about having your bodily autonomy invaded, even though some wouldn't have found it to be that big of a deal, made you want to scrub your body with soap over and over. You felt invaded. All you wanted to do at that moment was to go home. Maybe cry.

You weren't sure. Your thoughts were rushing by you so fast you weren't sure how to react. Maybe you were still in shock.

Bakugou's eyes narrowed as he took in your form. You had curled into yourself, making you seem small and fragile. It was a state he had never seen you in before. So scared and uncomfortable.

It made him angry. This lowlife had no right to touch you, much less even look at you. He was luckily that you would most likely prevent Bakugou from murdering him then and there.

But the look in your eyes made Bakugou realize that he could deal with that douche later. He needed to be there for you right now. He slowly approached you and began picking things up from the floor. The pen, the textbook. These were sat on his desk before he gently grabbed your wrist, finally feeling the small shake that your body was emitting. He murmured some gruff assurances under his breath as he pushed you backwards with little force, and lead you to sit down in his chair.

You seemed dazed and stuck in your own world, so Bakugou did what he does best.

“Hey!” He yelled, “Snap out of this stupid daze thing and go back to being your normal self. You're too strong to even be worried about an extra like that. You could have blasted him into next week if you had wanted to, so stop freaking out!”

At his outburst, you flinched slightly and blinked a few times. Bakugou almost worried that he made things worse before you let out a breath neither of you knew you were holding.

“You’re right Bakugou-Kun. Thank you.” You took another couple breaths before the color seemed to return to your face. You weren't sure why, but Bakugou's yelling always seemed to ground you when you began to panic. Whether in class for a test, or in the field for training. Even if he didn't know it, and wasn't even screaming at you. Something about it always made your brain stop and slow down.

That was part of the reason you were even in class this early anyways. That thought made your eyes widen. Where did that paper go?!

“Tch, whatever. You were freaking out for no reason, it pissed me off,” he responded nonchalantly. He noticed that your eyes started to search the room. He found what you were probably looking for, the paper from earlier, near the blackboard. “This what you're looking for?” 

He started to walk over to it, stopping when you let out a squeak.

“You don't have to grab it for me Bakugou, I can get it myself.” You were pushing yourself up quickly in an attempt to stop him. But he didn’t stop.

“Sit back down you shitty girl! Its a piece of paper you idiot, also stop calling me Bakugou.” He growled out. You were prepared to argue with him over the paper, but the last thing he said stopped you in your tracks.

“What should I call you then?” Your brows furrowed,

“My name, katsuki, dumbass.” it was then that he knelt down to pick up the paper.

“Katsuki..” You tested the name out, enjoying how it sounded in your mouth. Unaware he felt the same way, he looked the paper over, but at this point, you were too distracted with the name change to remember that you didn't want him to see it. “Why do you want me to call you by your first name?”

Your question went unanswered, causing you to cock your head.

Bakugou had recognized his name written neatly at the top, and read through the love letter. The love letter that had your name written neatly at the bottom.

Reality slapped you in the face once more and your heart dropped into your stomach.

“(Y/n),” His face was almost matched his eyes as he looked back at you, and blood quickly rushed to your own face so that it matched his in hue.

“I'm sorry-”

“You could have just texted me. It would have been easier you idiot.” Your wide eyes darted up to meet his.

“What?’ You stuttered the simple word and watched as he crumpled the paper, tossing it into the wastebasket across the room perfectly.

“Did that idiot steel your brain cells or something? I’m saying I’ll go out with you, stupid girl!”

“Oh,” A soft smile fell upon your lips, “I’m glad.”

“Well of course you are! I'm THE Katsuki Bakugou, any girl would be lucky to have me.” He huffed, crossing his arms as you giggled. He looked away from you trying to hide his blush and spotted the jerk that was still snoozing away on the floor. You followed his eyes and sighed,

“What should we do with him?” You asked,

“There's 20 minutes before class starts,” Katsuki stated, his eyes meeting yours. You paused and furrowed your brows.

“...So?”

“Let's go get some breakfast.” he stuck his hands into his pocket and started to walk.

“We’re just leaving him?” You rushed after him, careful to not step on the 3rd year.

“Yeah, you have a problem with that?” He growled, you just smiled wider and hooked your arm around his.

“Not at all,” You pressed a kiss to his cheek, laughing at the way his face turned red once more.

***

[theropoda]

3, 4, 6-8, 11, 13-17, 19-22, 26-30 uwu

WOO LAD THAT’S A LOT THANK U!!! this got long and i wrote an essay or two LOL so im putting it under a readmore!

3: Best game you’ve ever played? WEEEELLLL.......let me preface this with two things: one, i am a FAKE GAMER as in my laptop is not at all made for gaming, it’s piss poor, so a big chunk of games i’m interested in is because i watched a playthrough of them lol. i have a 3ds but only 3 games on it (animal crossing new leaf, tomodachi life, nintedogs & cats). second, i’m very bad at choosing favorites of things.....BUUUUT .....i choooooose, in no particular order, OFF, pigeonetics, elder scrolls oblivion, pathologic classic HD!! i’m more than likely forgetting a few though, so sorry about that

4: Worst game you’ve ever played? as i said above, cannot choose favorites, neither can i choose whatever the opposite of favorites is but...uhh, does lif even count as a game? like lif, the stupid little furry flash game i remember playing on some shady website. it was surprisingly very active with a BUNCH of people there but i kept dying like every 5 seconds....AWFUL

6: A game that’s changed you the most? WELL define Changed.....ummm aha first thing that comes to mind is OFF. it’s one of those things where you never knew you wanted something so fucking bad until you saw it--and it’s like that for me. i NEVER knew i loved that odd, surreal, colorful, “looks playful and simple in some parts but incredibly violent and unnerving in other parts” aesthetic til i played it. like aesthetically i love that game to BITS and something about it just stuck with me til the end of time.

later in life (meaning, past year or so) it changed me because it taught me a lesson about storytelling and creative endeavors. a very useful lesson. which is: things don’t really need to have a meaning. stories, art, music, writing, whatnot, while it CAN be deep and meaningful, while you CAN use it as a way to communicate with the world about all kinds of heartfelt things, it can also be...nothing, really.

once i, as usual, got ridiculously overwhelmingly sad about small things. specifically seeing other people around me come up with all kinds of deep and meaningful characters and stories, sometimes putting them into webcomics or writings of theirs, and they were all so well-thought out and detailed and what i envied most was people put a lot of themselves and their experiences into them, venting and coping through them, whilst also making these larger-than-life grandiose complex stories and worlds and so on and so forth.

it made me look at my own ideas and get mad/frustrated at how shallow they were. but then i remembered OFF and i felt better because Fun Fact, mortis ghost has a now-abandoned dA account and if you go through the comment section on his profile, he answers a lot of fan questions and he mentions several times that the game didn’t really have a “meaning”, it didn’t really have a “deeper story” or moral or anything, really. i’m paraphrasing this but i vividly remember him saying “i wanted to make a game, so i did”.

that made me feel a lot better because it made me realise that sometimes art--especially stories, in my case-- doesn’t NEED to be DEEP or have MEANING...sometimes it can just BE!!!! sometimes it really can just be all about AESTHETICS like who GIVES a shit if there’s a hidden meaning if you take the first letter of all of your characters’ names and put them backwards, sometimes all that matters is if they just VIBE with you y’know....

yume nikki is similar in this regard bc that game doesn’t have any story other than “collect egg” and yet it’s so impactful. that game doesn’t have a story or meaning it just IS........ :) GOD THATS SO LONG IM SORRY ABOUT THAT but yeah. funny violent ghostbusting baseball man is a game that changed me :)

7: A game you’ll never forget? OFF AGAIN LOL,,, it’s just so memorable because of how unique it is. visuals, soundtrack, story, everything is so memorable. unforgettable. oh god you can tell how much i love this damn game can’t you

8: Best soundtrack? yakuza 0, OFF, there is a picture (another game by mortis ghost, again composed by alias conrad coldwood who also composed OFF), pigeonetics (the entire soundtrack of which is here), jojo’s bizarre adventure all star battle and eyes of heaven, silent hill 2 & 3, undertale....probably forgetting more but all of these...earcandy

11: Hardest game you’ve played? i am a shitty gamer so this is Most games i’ve played lol!! but uhh..well you see. hardest game i remember playing as of recent is pathologic classic hd in which it’s...not only hard to understand what any character is saying at any given time lol but also, i don’t think it’s HARD it’s just...you need to focus. you REALLY need to fucking focus and pay attention in this game. so i wouldn’t say its HARD, but i’m only putting this here bc it’s in recent memory.

i say recent memory because the true answer is susceptible to “yeah, but now you’re older, it must not be so hard.” as in if i played it now i think i’d have a way easier time. but when i was around....10-12 years old i had several ps3 video game adaptations of animated movies and i had SUCH a fucking hard time with them. g-force, bolt and up in particular were fucking HARD. like genuinely, the hardest time i had EVER had in my live playing video games is tied to these three fucking games. g-force and bolt ESPECIALLY. one particular level in bolt took both me AND my sister around a year to fucking finish.

again, i was baby, so i bet i’d have a much easier time with them now that i’m 17. but for now, in my experience, bolt and g-force for the ps3 were harder than pathologic classic. i think icepick lodge should take a few notes for them for pathologic 2.

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn’t released yet? STREETS OF KAMUROCHO...i spent the entire day of its release anticipating its launch lol

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting? hmm..most games i like and know about do have voice acting so i dunno....i guess it would’ve been kind of cool if morrowind had like, full proper voice acting. but i can understand why it only voice acted things like greetings and battle insults because GOD that game is SO...complicated...and as a result, the conversations are so lengthy and text-full. playing morrowind is really like a goddamn book! if it was voice acted i’m sure all that information would have to be shortened bc i know no one is going to fucking voice act two whole paragraphs

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover? pigeonetics and yakuza in which instead of being about the criminal underworld it’s about shady and unethical pigeon clubs, breeding, racing, etc etc...a lot of illegal shit does happen in the world of pigeons especially when it comes to racing; prized racers have been kidnapped and held for ransom before. and then there’s Avian Cucking: The Sport, where people breed the sexiest pigeons (horseman thief pouters), release them outside to seduce other people’s sexy pigeons, and bring them back and keep ‘em, drama ensues. will kiryu ever escape his past as a professional pigeon-napper, and find solace in his new life as a pigeon hobbyist? find out now by playing YACOOZA......

JOKES ASIDES i don’t know i really don’t....umm, pigeonetics and animal crossing somehow?? :O... like, instead of managing your own town it’s managing your own loft!...orrrr, the jojo games (all star battle & eyes of heaven) with yakuza, because i think they’re somewhat similar because they’re both haha Wacky Silly AND serious over the top fighty-fighting.....or maybe a crossover with OFF and discover my body, which, despite being an incredibly short and obscure indie game i still love to bits for what it’s worth. WAIT ANIMAL CROSSING AND MINECRAFT THAT WOULD FUCK SO HARD OH MY GOD

16: Character you’ve hated most? From what game? i can’t think of any character i like, HATE...with a burning passion.. there are a few i dislike or have a complicated relationship with though.. i’m not interested in the series anymore but ouma from drv3...i’ll admit that he is a bit fun sometimes, especially in the very early beginning he’s a likeable brat but as the game progresses he becomes more irritating than anything and i have an issue with him in regards to writing, despite the fact that i have never been awake in any english class ever lol. it’s too long to put in this already long post but i’ll keep it at that. if you like him, well, good for you for finding joy in something i couldn’t! but he just doesn’t do it for me.

AH I JUST REMEMBERED....MINE......FROM YAKUZA 3....maybe i’d change my mind if i watched a playthrough of y3 again, because i think you always absorb something better on your second watch (tho i honestly Dont have the energy to do that all over again, the yakuza games are too fucking long), but i really hate his writing. spoilers for y3 but, i think mine’s writing, alongside other things in the game, were super messy...and a big part of why i hate him is that not only is he one of those “could’ve had great potential but fell flat” sorta guys but also his love for daigo is seen as some fans as good gay rep and i?????/.............um....WELL let’s just say that, i think people nowadays will see any gay character ever in any circumstance and say it’s good gay rep just based off the fact that A Gay Character exists....he was Not, good gay rep imo....he was not, let alone, Good. .........

17: What game do you never tell people you play? can’t think of any games i wouldn’t tell people i play.. idk exactly what this question’s asking. does it mean what game you don’t tell ppl you play bc you’re embarrassed about it...? i’m not very embarrassed by any of them. the only thing that comes close, i guess, is uhh lioden and wolvden. i’ve only interacted with those communities a LITTLE TINY WEE BIT, yet of what i’ve seen it’s a goddamn dumpster fire and i’d never want to be associated with them lol

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival? i’m well aware it’ll never happen and that it’s more a wet dream than anything but...PT/silent hills..... on a more realistic/”could happen” note, PIGEONETICS!!!! SERIOUSLY, it’s an amazing game about amazing animals and it teaches genetics in a very simplified and efficient way!! genetics is SO hard for me to understand, i fucking hated studying it but this game really helped me understand how it works AND its super engaging and interesting!! HOWEVER, of all the pigeon genes we know of, only a handful were seen in pigeonetics and i’d LOVE a sequel that employs new game mechanics AND new genes!! i wanna learn about bronze and stencil genes! i wanna learn about phenotypes like grizzled and pied!!! genes like sooty and dirty!!! @ UNIVERSITY OF UTAH GENETICS DEPARTMENT PLEASE IM BEGIGNG YOU

20: What was the first video game you ever played? earliest memories of Gaming involves me at my aunt’s house playing two games: super mario brothers and some kind of trapeze game. i don’t remember anything else though

21: How old were you when you first played a video game? i can’t remember but i must’ve been REAL tiny.... 6-9 years, maybe??

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do? immerse myself meaning go into their world...? huh....on one hand i’d like to go in the world of yakuza 0 to play in the arcades and do whore related activities but i’d also love to go into the world of animal crossing (and i’m pretty sure i’d be some sort of generic dromaeosaurid in that game!!) and shop, chat with villagers, do chores for them, go fishing, bug hunting, eat delicious fucking food like the apples mangos peaches cherries etc etc.....OH AND FOSSIL HUNTING THAT’S THE BEST PART!! though it would definetly be a little weird, to be a little dinosaur and finding a fossil of a...little dinosaur....i guess the non-sentient species went extinct and the dinosaur i am is some kind of, descendant of a sapient non-avian dinosaur that survived the k-pg extinction event...oh but who cares all i want is a cool little ambulocetus fossil or something. and some cherry pie :)

26: Handheld or console? my old ps3 just went kaput one day years ago so i haven’t used it in years so i can’t compare well... but i’d say handheld, because it lets me like DO stuff more...would love to get a console one day, a ps4 maybe but i’m kinda worried it’ll make me stay in one room all day wasting away my time when there’s other stuff i can do, y’know? but something handheld like my 3ds, on the other hand...i can do stuff with it. i can take it to my room and play it between breaks i take as i clean the room and fold my clothes, i can watch something on the tv and play the game during ad breaks, i can take it outside too if it has charge to last me a while! so....handheld i guess

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry? yakuza 0 and undertale in particular have ALMOST made me fucking bawl with many of its moments....yakuza 0 especially, after that Fucking Ending i had trouble sleeping because oh my fucking god. video game people SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28: Which character’s clothes do you wish you owned the most?

29:  Which is more important, gameplay or story? HMMM....well, if i were to play a game with a shitty story but really good and fun gameplay i’d probably continue playing it for the gameplay. but if i played a game with shitty gameplay but an interesting story, there is a chance i’d play it more for the sake of the story but also i might just quite and see the rest of the story on youtube or something. i’m more likely to go through a boring story for fun gameplay than go through boring gameplay for an interesting story, so i guess gameplay is more important to me....that is, WHEN i actually own and play a game as opposed to when i just watch someone play a game because i don’t own the game but wanna know abt the story lol

30: A game that hasn’t been localized in your country that you think should be localized? i have no idea how video game localization really works....but i assume localizing a game in india would mean something like, removing content according to cultural norm and also somehow translating it into the 22 official languages..? or just two or three language if it’s tied to a particular state, which seems way more doable. i honestly have no idea? i’ve never interacted w the indian gaming community that much to be honest, all i know of it is of the video games i’ve seen sold in some game stores and a few whispers about like solid snake or whoever from my school’s cafeteria....the most popular games here, to my knowledge, are those very streamable games like fortnite and PUBG and your call of duties and whatnot. those generic shooters. and even then, that honestly isn’t the “indian” gaming community bc this country is so FUCKHUGE, it’s just tamil nadu. one state.

soooo, according to what little i know of gaming interests in where i live, i don’t think any of the games i like should be localized here bc i don’t really think there’s an audience for it as far as i can tell :( maybe animal crossing? it’s a fun little games for all ages and i think it has a chance of becoming popular here, so maybe that is worth a shot! but i can’t think of any other game that i like that really has an audience here (other than Me lol)

[toziers]

can you explain what's going on right now? i keep seeing big IT blogs talking about some discourse or something but i have no idea what they're talking about other than it involves you lol

alright i like. i truly do not like having diScOurSE out in public because i’m not one to air out my dirty laundry 24/7 but seeing as how it was brought into public against my will i feel like the least i can do is clear up the situation for those who’ve been seeing the posts. 

i’m putting this under the cut bc it’s long. tws for some biphobia, brief mention of transphobia and, at the end, a rape mention. 

so if you don’t know: hi, i’m migz, i’m an it fandom blogger. its okay, i know, its really cool. part of my shtick here is that i like to turn normal thirst tags into works of art for the sake of comedy. perhaps you’ve seen some of my highlights from my “fhg” tag - perhaps your brain has been spared. either way, it became kind of “my thing” around the third or fourth week (mid nov) of me having this blog. at first, i tagged just about every ask i got mentioning the thirst tags with “bill hader” - they had to do with him, so why not tag him? it would draw more like minded people! about two days into that i got a message asking me to tag my nsfw. i am a big dumb idiot, and apologize for not initially doing it. i havent had a following bigger than like 10 in several years and completely spaced on basic etiquette. so by the end of november i was tagging everything applicable  with “notsfw” and “bill hader”. 

now you’re caught up.

on december 1st i got this message from user billhaderanti:

now i want to start by saying i absolutely was in the wrong here. i didn’t even think about how many people were being subjected to the asks i was getting - especially ones who had no idea they were all jokes. i don’t track the bill hader tag, so it just didn’t even occur to me - that’s ignorance on my part, and to anyone who was subjected to the terrors of me before my tagging system: i am genuinely sorry. i relay the same sentiment in my response, though you can tell i’m on edge.

and they replied:

clearly they Were offended by it but thats.. not the point. at this point, im feeling Really weird about the whole interaction, but still understanding, because again - i GET it. i know my posts are gross - that’s the point. it doesn’t make it excusable, though, which is why i understand why people are offended. so i responded with the only solution i Knew would keep us both safe and happy posting on our own blogs. 

so i thought this would be the end of things! i’d been pretty anxious lately already since i’d started to receive anons telling me i was gross and whore-ish for thirst posting in this way (i delete all of those, so if ur thinking about sending one, i guess no one’s stopping you but it won’t be seeing the light of the dashboard). i’m unsure if it was immediately or a few hours later, seeing as how i have a bad concept of time and the post-dates are right on the edge between nov 30 and dec 1, but i went to their blog - because anyone who has been on the internet knows the opportunity to vague post is near irresistible. and...what do ya know

fair! it’s their blog. however i am an emotionally fragile egg girl and immediately got freaked out. the odds that they were the only one who thought this were low. and, again, i’ve been very open on my blog about how important it is to respect boundaries; my posts are absolutely prone to breaking those boundaries people have created for themselves. 

so i made my own, semi-vague post, letting my following know (and i’m pretty sure i’d answered asks about it before, but this is going to be long enough w/o me searching those up too) that i understood if they wanted to block me or unfollow or whatever - people need to create their own safe spaces. the tension is pretty clear in the tags, i’m not trying to hide that. i felt that the way this woman slid into my dm’s was pretty abrasive (just my opinion/how it made me personally feel) and i let myself be a lil emotional about it in the tags of my post.

alright! maybe this is the end. maybe we both go our separate ways and post happily on our own blogs... except it’s not the end. later in the day (some of this was happening like 1/2am, so now its Day day, i believe - again, not good w time passage lol)

clearly, i’m upset. my groupchat double checked that i didn’t get too emotional in my response - did i mention im anxious about discourse lol - and apparently.. it did the trick. she didn’t message me again. great. it was over. 

at this point, i decided i needed to make an even bigger change. so a few days after i’d calmed down i created an entirely new tag for my thirst posts so if people hadn’t already hidden the notsfw posts or just blocked me outright, they’d have a third option to escape the madness. at this point, id had my blog about 6? weeks, but there were still 2k posts for me to sift through - some of them were completely untagged. i also had to do it post by post, because one of xkits features - the mass re-tagger - was getting blogs deleted for some reason, and i wasn’t going to do that. so i spent a few days going through all 2k+ posts, adding the “fhg” tag. 

YEEHAW! a brand new tagging system, no more hopping into the bill hader tag (minus one or two really funny, not super explicit asks, like the bill hader farquaad meme), and, tbf, i’d completely put this woman out of my mind. i don’t seek out drama and do my best to stay in my lane. yesterday, i checked my activity for the first time in awhile since id put out a couple new original posts that had started to get traction and i Love reading tags. i noticed a mutual had @’d me, and realized i havent checked my @’s in...ever, maybe. i see a post from my good pal billhaderanti. 

since i dont follow them and never check my @’s, i’d completely missed it. however, once i did see it, i was horrified. id gone through all that fucking work to keep my blog My Blog and also respect everyone’s boundaries and it still hadn’t been enough. i’d been awake for almost 24 hours and went. a little crazy. and i didn’t reply immediately because i just had no words. i sent it to my friends because i... i just wasn’t going to be able to figure it out myself. 

there’s a lot to unpack in this post alone, but whatever, i’m gonna put my own grievances with the immaturity of 1. making a callout post to begin with when i’d been nothing but civil 2. making a callout post about something as (in the grand scheme of Life) minor as some tags where i refer to a someone’s genitals as a “whack pack” and 3. making a callout post in such a rude way - aside. at the end, she calls me (and whoever else!) a demonic mlw (man loving woman, we assumed, and then later confirmed with a post further back on her blog). 

which - yeah, we started scrolling. at first we were looking for more vague blogs, and then we just...started finding things. billhaderanti is a self proclaimed lesbian separatist, which... fine. but it’s already pretty clear that this woman hates me on some level simply because i am a bi woman (demonic mlw, remember!) which is just. damn man i can’t believe we are still fighting the biphobic fight lol. so the more we scrolled, the more we uncovered - and not just the biphobic / vaguely mtf transphobic things they posted (or put in tags), but we also found that they had their OWN thirst tags. certainly not as hyperbolically comedic as mine, but they were there, talking about his body and his person the same (and, frankly, a bit creepier for other reasons) as mine. 

there’s one post in particular that snatched my wig in it’s creepiness - and i say creepiness in the sense that it feels personal. like this woman feels like she knows bill to some degree where she can say these things. my tags have always had a sense of distance, as they’re written for humor. and maybe this particular post was written for comedic purposes, but it doesn’t read that way, and if it WAS, then she has no right to call ME out for MY comic tags and posts. 

i’ll let it speak for itself, mostly because i don’t want to read it again. 

i also won’t be going through her blog again to find the posts with biphobic and other Interesting:tm: tags because there are plenty and i just really! want to be done with the whole ordeal! her blog is public and i’m sure you can all find it and look to your heart’s content. 

feeling a bit feral and a bit pissed off now that we knew the depth of how rotten this woman’s vibes were, a couple of my pals made a post or two similar to what my tag’s are like except turned up to eleven (if possible) - and tagged them with “bill hader” (and notsfw!!). yes, a bit childish, but at this point, the entire situation was childish, and making jokes was truly the only way we were going to get through it. another vague post went up on her blog soon after.

talking down to us, calling us children, and then for whatever reason calling us virgins... whatever, weird post. around this time most of us (est) went to bed, because it was nearing 3 or 4 in the morning. 

and then today happened. i woke up fresh and ready for the day after a wonderful 4 hours of sleep and found that jane had made an incredibly intelligent post in response to the situation. i won’t ss it, but i’ll LINK in case you missed it. attached there in the reblog is my own response. i think they can speak for themselves. 

after that, things were kind of jumbled, since i wasn’t online a lot and when i was i was Not checking my activity simply because i was afraid of what i’d see. for the most part, it ended up just being support (which i am very grateful to all of you for - it means a lot that you all enjoy my content to any degree). 

there was some more vague posting from both “““““sides”””””” of the “““““argument”””””” - mostly just people restating the fact that this is a public space and we should All be aware of how we effect others. i still hadn’t heard directly from billhaderanti, so i assumed we’d all be dropping and disengaging and moving on. i still wasn’t blocked, though, so who really knew what would happen. 

eventually, it culminated in this last post. tw for mentions of rape

i’m going to start by saying that 

1. there are nearly no teenagers that were involved in this. im turning 23 in january and most of my friends are 20+. maybe one or two are 19. 

2. none of us sent any sexually violent asks - most of us didn’t send asks at all. i believe one or two of my friends admitted to sending asks however they assured me their nature wasn’t bad; as far as i know, everyone remained civil in whatever went on (again, unclear to me as to what was being sent; no one was actively posting or talking about it. if billhaderanti wishes to elaborate, they can, but i don’t have anything to put in). 

3. before i finish this, i would like to apologize to billhaderanti. as a comedian - not just my stupid tags, i mean in real life, too - i know that humor can hurt. it’s not always funny, it’s not just stupid hahas. sometimes things that are supposed to be jokes just hit people differently and cause bad things. i recognize that. i never meant to trigger you (if you’re reading this) or cause you any severe mental/emotional harm. i apologize for my humor bringing up your trauma, and i never meant for that. regardless of my own thoughts and opinions about the nature of my posts/the thirst tags themselves, they hurt you, and i’m sorry. 

anyway, i’m going to wrap this up (i’m bad at endings, what can i say! steven king and i took the same writer’s class!). if you read all this... sorry. i probably won’t be taking any asks about it, because i find the whole “drama” of this to be stupid and rooted in some seriously biphobic issues this fully grown woman has. 

tldr; i attempted to contain my blog so this woman could exist and function safely on her blog, but it wasn’t enough for her, so she called me out, and then some of the fandom called Her out for being biphobic and mean and overall just immature about the situation. as of now, she’s yet to block me, though her and her wife have blocked a few of my friends. her wife continues to clown on my friends. this post was made for clarity’s sake. the end, i’m getting a drink. 

[istheresomebodywhocanimagine]

Would You Be Mad? (SMUT)

anonymous said: Since requests are open can I request a smutty yet fluffy Bri please ? 💞

(a/n: srry for any typos im posting this RLLY quick before i go into work so pls dont roast me ok enjoy ur sinful sunday u nasties. also as always gif creds to @imladrs)

There were a lot of things in life you’d expected to hear from Brian May. Let me tune my guitar again, did you hear about this obscure blah blah scientific find, Roger’s an arse, why is Freddie being a tart, is there a meat-free option – you had heard them all. You expected them, and in turn, you received.

“If I kissed you, would you be mad at me?” was not one of those things. But now you had heard it, live and in the flesh, and you had no idea how to react.

You had chose to spend the night in, declining a night on the town with the boys, and Brian ended up missing you about an hour into drinking, so his tipsy giant self managed to show up on your doorstep, looking undeniably fit in a simple green polyester button up and black trousers. The buttons of the shirt were undone to the middle of his chest and was askew from his hour at the club, revealing hints of a gently tanned, slim torso, and his mid-waist trousers only accentuated his already long legs. He’d drank just enough to give his eyelids a bit of weight, and the way he looked at you with heavy hazel eyes and a toothy grin made your cheeks heat up.

God, keep it in your pants, you’d thought as you let him in. And maybe he’d been thinking the same. After all, you weren’t expecting company, so your lace and silk teddy/shorts combo was practically leaving little to be desired for. But neither of you had followed that rule tonight, and now you were here, Brian fucking May asking if you would be angry if he kissed you. As if.

It started out innocent enough. You’d invited him in, gotten him a glass of water and some snacks. He was grateful, and sat cross-legged on the end of your pull-out couch’s bed, snacking away. You returned to your laying position you’d been in before he’d arrived, on your side facing him, when he’d suddenly brought up your ex in the middle of polite conversation.

“How is Colin?” he asked, visibly sneering as he said his name and making you laugh as you toyed with the pages of your book, not really reading at this point. Brian was now laid down at a weird angle, his head resting against your stomach as he laid across the diagonal length of the bed so that his feet weren’t dangling off. Sitting your book to the side, you began to play with a piece of his hair and pursed your lips, trying to think of the last time you’d heard from Colin.

You knew Brian had always disliked him thoroughly, and this had led to Colin accusing Brian of trying to steal you from him, which had blown up into this whole big thing that ended in Colin leaving and Brian trying to avoid seeing you so he wouldn’t upset you. But it didn’t last. Brian was back within a few weeks, showing up at random times to spend the day with you. After all, you’d both clearly preferred each other’s company the most for a long time, and had been close friends for even longer. Even Roger was jealous of how much time Brian spent with you, but he never made a big deal about it with Brian. Instead, he made it a running joke, but that was okay with you, and you assumed it was okay with Brian (It was - he loved it).

“Haven’t got a clue, honestly,” you admitted, twirling a single curl around your finger before slowly stretching it out. “Haven’t seen him since he showed up on my doorstep drunk last month,” you teased playfully, giving his hair a gentle tug and smiling softly. “But I turned him away.”

Brian, unbeknownst to you, gasped softly and shifted his hips, turning a brilliant shade of red as you tugged on his hair. He was already drunk and horny, so everything about you in your silk teddy and shorts, right there for the taking, was turning him on. Now it was getting to the point where he needed to act on it before he had a mess to clean up in his trousers. They were restricting enough that he felt like he was going to burst out of his pants if he wasn’t careful, so he flipped over on his stomach, holding back a sharp inhale as his clothed cock rubbed up against the bed while he was getting comfortable.

After a shaky recovery breath, he spoke. “The difference between me and Colin showing up on your doorstep is that I’m a young, dashing, intelligent man here to have a good night in with you, and he’s just… well, Colin.” That got you giggling, and Brian grinned lopsidedly as he rested his head on both of his hands, crossing them and laying down on your thighs. His warm, twinkling eyes scanned your face as you laughed, soaking all of it in. “Besides, fuck him!”

“Why so?” you asked, a cheeky edge to your voice as you sat up a bit. You’d be lying if you said the sight of Brian down there wasn’t doing something for you, so upped the ante a bit against your common sense. “And I mean, I have, so there’s that.”

“Oh, you know what I meant,” Brian groaned, still grinning as he propped his arm up on your leg carefully, resting his head in his hand. “I bet he’s a lousy fuck either way. Probably doesn’t even know how to last longer than 30 seconds.”

“Well, you’re not wrong there,” you mused, mainly to yourself, and then you reached out again to toy with his hair. “I don’t even know if he was attracted to me very much. It seemed like I didn’t really do it for him unless I was a quick fuck. Must not have been his type or something.”

“You, not doing it for him?” Brian asked, his voice unashamedly incredulous. “The man must be blind, then. You’re way too pretty to just be a ‘quick fuck.’” Your cheeks flushed a bit as he continued to watch you, eyelids still heavy from the liquor in his system but his eyes alive and teeming with energy. “You’re beautiful, Colin’s a prick for not appreciating you as much as you deserve.”

“Brian, you’re just drunk and saying that to be nice. Stop being such a sweetheart,” you laughed softly.

He rolled his eyes and gave you an ‘are you kidding’ look before shaking his head. “I’m serious, Y/N, you’re gorgeous. You’re mental if you don’t think I’m telling the truth. Why won’t you believe me?”

“Ouch,” you laughed, rubbing the side of your face and smiling as Brian cocked his head to the side a bit, curious. “I’m mental? That pisses me right off, I’ll have to kick you out of here for that one.”

“Oh, no!” Brian pretended to be panicked, but it only lasted a moment before he started grinning dopily again. “I don’t want to make my lovely host angry, I take it back.” A wide grin spread across your face as you gently shoved his shoulder, and his unbalanced equilibrium made him fall backwards with a groan. And when he rolled over, you were immediately distracted by the bulge in the crotch area of his pants, your cheeks flushing even more than before.

Suddenly, the air was tense as Brian noticed where you were looking, but he didn’t seem ashamed when he met your gaze again. Instead, he sat up, hovering over you as he kept eye contact, his gears shifted completely. No longer was playful Brian up to bat. This was different, a Brian you’d never seen before. He was imposing, attentive, and sensuous as his hand came to rest on your side. There was still a sweet look in his eyes, but something else lingered there, something darker.

You tried to say something, anything, but no words would come to mind as you stared back at him for what seemed like way too long. His tongue darted out and quickly wetted his lips as he glanced at yours, and then you spoke, finally remembering that the two of you were actually in the middle of a conversation. “You take it back? What part?”

He ignored that, the corner of his lip tugging upward as he leaned in a bit closer, then stopped himself. “If I kissed you, would you be mad at me?” His voice was somewhat clear, drunkenly unafraid, and he watched your eyes for any hint of a reaction as you remained quiet, biting your lip.

Finally, you responded. “Can’t be kicking you out if you kiss me, can I?” Brian’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he chuckled, and his hand slid around you to rest on your lower back as he pressed his forehead against yours, your noses brushing up against one another’s before you closed the distance and pressed your lips to his.

He tasted like whiskey and beer, an intoxicating mix of the two still lingering on his lips as he kissed back, a languorous pace to it while he savored the feeling of your lips on his. You reached up to cup his jaw with one hand, and he almost leaned into your touch as he tilted his head slowly, deepening the kiss and pressing your body up against his. The taut front fabric of his trousers pressed up against your thigh, so you raised your thigh up a bit to rub it against his bulge.

A breathy moan escaped his lips, Brian pulling away for a moment to regain his thoughts before he kissed you again, rolling over on his back and pulling you on top of him. He wasn’t urgent about it, taking it slow and easy as he sat up a bit to make it easier for the both of you. His hand rubbing up and down your side, he spoke against your lips quietly, just for the two of you to hear, even if there was not a single soul around. “Hey, I meant it when I said you’re beautiful.”

You smiled against his lips, kissing his lower lip before gently taking ahold of it with your teeth and tugging a bit. He made a pleased noise in the back of his throat and moved his hand to rest under your teddy, his rough skin brushing up against the soft curve of your waist. “Tell me how beautiful I am,” you murmured, ducking your head under his chin and pressing an affectionate kiss there, then trailing your lips down his neck and pressing lazy kisses to it as you made your way down to just above where his shirt started coming together.

“God, Y/N,” he almost whispered, his eyes watching your every move as you looked up at him through your lashes, unbuttoning his shirt slowly, button by button. “You’re like a fucking dream to look at, love.”

That brought a sly smile to your lips, and you unbuttoned the last button on his shirt, pushing it open to expose his whole torso. You straddled his hips as you did so, running your hands up his lightly toned, slim chest. His ribs just poked out of his skin, and you pressed a kiss to his collarbone before moving back up to kiss him on the lips again. This time he was more eager, trapping you there with a firm hand resting on the nape of your neck. But you didn’t mind, and you moved your lips in sync with him as he rested his free hand on your hip. He finally pulled away to take a breath, and you took the opportunity to pull your teddy up and over your head, tossing it to the side.

Brian’s pupils dilated even more as he looked over your body, marveling quietly at you. You pushed off his shirt as he ogled, tossing it to the side as well and reaching down to toy with the button on his pants afterwards. His teeth found his lip, and he chewed on it as he tore his eyes away from your body to look back up at you, a smile gracing his lips when you raised an eyebrow at him. “Sorry, distracted,” he mumbled, pulling you back in for a quick kiss before starting to push down your sleep shorts. “You’re too stunning, you have an unfair advantage right now.”

You giggled at that, moving off of him carefully to push off your sleep shorts. Now you were completely naked in front of Brian, your friend, and you didn’t feel at all nervous. It was like he was meant to see you like this, and there were no expectations. His praise was probably fueling most of that, but it was nice to be appreciated like this. “You’re not bad yourself, so I see no advantage,” you teased quietly, kneeling between his legs and undoing the buttons of his trousers as you kept eye contact with him.

Carefully kicking his pants off once you’d unbuttoned them and pulled them down, Brian watched in drunken amazement as you hovered over him for a moment before pressing a kiss to his abdomen. You reached up with one hand to palm him through his boxers, and received a throaty groan in response. His hand brushed back through your hair, and he admired you with a lustful, yet doting look in his eyes.

“Oh, Jesus,” he breathed out as you moved down to brush your lips over the thin layer of fabric that separated you from his cock. His eyelids fluttered closed as you did so, his head falling back against the back of the couch a bit. It took all of his energy to lift his head again and look at you, his lips parted slightly as he took shallow, quick breaths. “You’re a sight for sore eyes, Y/N.”

This time, you only grinned mischievously in response to his slurring compliments, moving to the side to pull down his boxers. His cock sprung free from its restraints readily, but Brian didn’t even give you a chance to admire him before he was on top of you again, his lips attaching to your shoulder. Brian pinned you down with his own body, his cock brushing up against your thigh as he reached down to rub your clit hard and slow, eliciting a quiet purr of pleasure from you and making him shiver at the noise.

“So, so beautiful,” he mumbled against your shoulder, trailing love bites along the skin framing it and searching up your neck before stopping at your jaw. “You’re an angel,” he whispered this time, his lips agonizingly close to your ear and making goosebumps rise on your arms as you felt his hot breath against your earlobe.

You moaned lowly as his fingers pushed into you, your cheeks splotchy with redness as you felt an overload of lust and fondness at the same time. Brian was making you feel like a princess, but at the same time, his fingers were working so expertly at your core that you were quickly unraveling in his hands. “Bri,” you murmured, and he pulled back to gaze down at you as he continued to pump his fingers in and out of you, a cocky smile playing at his lips. You weren’t sure how to phrase it, but a curl of his fingers inside of you and the thought came tumbling out of your mouth before you could stop it. “Make love to me?”

Something in his demeanor changed as he slowed down, then pulled his fingers out of you and instead slid them up your sex, slick from how wet he’d made you in such a short time. “Make love to you?” he clarified, not even seeming remotely put off by the idea. You nodded, biting your lip as you studied his face, trying to gauge his reaction. “Of course,” he finally replied, his voice full of tenderness as he slowly rubbed his fingers around your clit in circles and ducked down to engage you in a quick but deep, passionate kiss.

All of your nerve endings felt like they were in flames at this point, every point on your body hypersensitive. You felt his hand leave your core, his hips shifting as he moved to sit back on his heels, grabbing his wallet out of his jeans and retrieving a condom. You watched as he put it on, focused on doing it right, and you found yourself blushing lightly as he met your gaze once he’d rolled it on.

“You sure you want this?” he asked, genuinely wanting to make sure you were being honest as he went to kneel between your legs. You nodded, and he smiled goofily, his drunken eyes holding even more of a smile than his own lips as he leaned up to kiss your forehead. His forehead then resting against yours, he took your hips with one hand and pulled you a bit closer, wrapping his other hand around his length and lining himself up carefully. You watched this happen, then looked up into his eyes, which were unnervingly close to your own. He noticed this and looked up at you, meeting your gaze with an unreadable emotion flitting across his face as he slowly pushed into you, maintaining eye contact.

The pressure of him filling you was almost alien, as it had been a moment since you’d even fooled around with anyone besides Colin, on top of the fact that this was Brian, your close friend, someone you’d never really expected to have on top of you. Your arms wrapped around his torso as you inhaled sharply, your fingers digging into his back when he bottomed out in you, a soft gasp escaping his lips. After a moment, he pulled out halfway and began to thrust slowly, with a purpose. Each roll of his hips was careful, calculated, and oh-so-satisfying as he focused on taking it slow, his nose nuzzled up against your cheek and short, shaky breaths hitting your jaw with each thrust.

“Brian, you feel so good,” you moaned in appreciation, his hips pressing against yours with each thrust. He groaned something incoherent, one hand gripping the top of the couch above your head and supporting his weight as he found your hand with his free one, lacing his fingers into yours and squeezing your hand. That little gesture made your heart soar, and you arched your back slightly to press up against him, your bodies melded together as he pushed himself into you, deep and slow.

“Oh, Y/N, you’re fucking amazing,” he groaned out, gradually speeding up his thrusts as he buried his face in your neck, murmuring praises over and over. One of your hands found his hair, and you tangled your fingers in it as you let your head fall back against the back of the couch, in complete bliss because of Brian’s gentle way with you. When his lips brushed up against your sweet spot, you involuntarily curled up your fingers in his hair and tugged slightly, making him choke out a low groan as his hips stuttered for a moment. He couldn’t be in this position if he wanted to last any longer, so he pulled out of you, to your chagrin, but he quickly laid on his side and turned you on your side as well. You were facing away from him, and you gasped softly in surprise as he lifted your leg up and slowly slid his cock into you again, his lips pressed firmly against your shoulder.

Colin had never taken you like this. In fact, no one had ever taken you like this before, and you were on cloud 9 as he thrusted into you carefully, his hips pressing against your ass with every thrust and making you smile in pure bliss. So it only added to your pleasure when he reached around you to rub your clit in time with his thrusts. This was overload, and you couldn’t mask your excitement as you moaned out his name, which made him grunt in appreciation and let out a few noises of pleasure himself. He cursed under his breath as you rested your hand on his forearm, gripping it tightly to ground yourself as he made waves of ecstasy roll through you.

Brian was just as undone as you were, the feeling of your hand gripping on to him for dear life only sending him closer to the edge as he thrusted into you deeper and faster, his thrusts becoming sloppy and signaling to you that he couldn’t last much longer. “God, you’re perfect,” he breathed out, resting his forehead against your shoulder as his lips remained parted in a silent moan, his trembling breaths hitting your back and making you shiver. When he knew he couldn’t hold out any more, he had to slip his free hand under your head and force your jaw to the side so that you were looking up at him, his head hovering over yours as he buried his cock as deep inside of you as he could go. He smashed his lips against yours, muffling the loud moans tumbling out of him as he came, hitting his climax and shaking a bit as his high ran its course.

You pulled away from the heated kiss as he quieted down a bit, an almost pitiful moan escaping his lips at the loss of contact, but you were too close to the edge to notice much as his fingers continued to rub your clit quickly. He was intent on making you climax now, his fingers working wildly at your core as he pulled out, and you looked up into his eyes, your lips parting as you moaned his name, your climax hitting you all at once and sending you reeling. He watched you unravel beneath him, his name on your lips repeatedly as you rode out your high while keeping eye contact with him, and it was enough of a sight to make him groan lowly, even though he was far from being horny anymore.

As soon as you’d came down from your high, your eyelids fluttered closed and you sighed softly, nuzzling into his hand. “Holy shit, Brian,” you murmured, exhausted from what had just taken place and overwhelmed by how good he’d just made you feel.

“You okay?” he asked, running his thumb along your lower lip, and when you nodded, he smiled softly and climbed over you, ambling his way into the kitchen. He cleaned himself off and disposed of the condom properly, then came back with a rag so you could clean yourself up as he pulled his boxers on again. He handed you his shirt after you’d cleaned yourself up a bit, and you sat up to pull it on, buttoning it almost all the way up. Brian climbed back onto the bed with you, halfway sitting up next to you and watching you quietly.

After you’d gotten yourself at least somewhat covered up with his shirt, you looked over to him and smiled before laying down by his side, curling up against him and wrapping your arm around his torso. He ran his fingers back through your hair, taking a deep breath before resting his hand on your head.

“Good night, Y/N,” he murmured, his voice full of admiration as he watched your eyelids flutter closed again, your breathing slowing down considerably. You reached over and took his hand that was on the opposite side of him, intertwining your fingers together and resting them back on the bed as you hummed softly.

“Good night, drunkard that showed up on my doorstep,” you replied sleepily, Brian laughing and shaking his head as he settled down next to you, pulling a blanket over the both of you before drifting off to a peaceful, deep sleep.

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