#came back from the best holidays of my families life probably to this devastation.

[siminiecricketart]

So there is a possibility that my dog is being put down tomorrow and I’m struggling to process it so much.

[the-rewatch-rewind]

Happy Christmas in July!

Transcript below the break.

Hello and welcome back to the Rewatch Rewind! My name is Jane, and this is the podcast where I count down my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies in a 20-year period. Today I will be celebrating Christmas in July by discussing number 18 on my list: Liberty Films and RKO’s 1946 holiday classic It’s a Wonderful Life, directed by Frank Capra, written by Frances Goodrich, Albert Hackett, Frank Capra, and Jo Swerling, based on a story by Philip Van Doren Stern, and starring James Stewart and Donna Reed.

George Bailey (James Stewart) has always had big dreams of traveling and building things, but instead he’s stuck in his small hometown of Bedford Falls, New York, managing the family building and loan business. When his absent-minded Uncle Billy (Thomas Mitchell) misplaces $8,000 of company money, George feels that he is worth more dead than alive and plans to end his life on Christmas Eve, when he is stopped by Clarence Oddbody, Angel 2nd Class (Henry Travers) who has been sent from heaven to save him. George tells Clarence he wishes he’d never been born, so Clarence shows George what the town would be like without him.

As I’ve mentioned before, my family didn’t have a VCR in the ’90s, but we did sometimes watch movies together when they came on TV, so we caught It’s a Wonderful Life pretty much every year. I don’t know exactly how old I was when I first watched it, but I do remember being confused that it was in black and white. Once we finally got a VCR, we taped it one year so we could watch it whenever we wanted, and then eventually we got it on DVD. At some point we decided that it made a good Thanksgiving movie in addition to a Christmas one, since it’s about being grateful for what you have, so I tended to watch it once or twice a year for a while. I’d probably seen it about 10 times before I started keeping track, and then I saw it once in 2003, once in 2004, twice in 2005, once in 2006, three times in 2008, twice in each year from 2009 through 2012, and then once each in 2013 and 2014, and then once in each year from 2020 through 2022. I don’t remember exactly why I took such a long break after 2014, and I think it was probably a combination of factors, but I do remember reading an article probably around then arguing that Bedford Falls actually would have been more fun without George and that he should have gone to jail anyway that kind of ruined the movie for me a bit. While I recognize that there are legitimate criticisms to be made of the story and message and other details (such as the nonsensical decision to make AS2 the abbreviation for Angel Second Class), for me, the good definitely outweighs the questionable.

For one thing, the acting is superb. Everybody’s at the top of their game, with character actors such as Ward Bond, Frank Faylen, and Beulah Bondi doing some of their best work, and some very impressive child acting, particularly from Bobbie Anderson and Karolyn Grimes. Thomas Mitchell knows exactly when to play Uncle Billy’s memory issues for comic relief and when to reveal how devastating they can be. Henry Travers similarly gives the audience a perfect balance of chuckles and tears. Frequent femme fatale Gloria Grahame makes the initially shallow Violet Bick surprisingly sympathetic. The character of Mary Hatch Bailey is also deceptively simple on the surface, but Donna Reed brings her to life with so much warmth and depth and complexity that it takes several rewatches to fully appreciate her. Lionel Barrymore perfectly embodies the evils of capitalist corruption as Potter, in one of the most diabolical villain performances of all time. And then there’s James Stewart. My man Jimmy. I’m kind of surprised I haven’t had an opportunity to talk about him on this podcast before now, since he’s definitely one of my faves. His performance as George Bailey is SO. GOOD! Just thinking about it gives me chills. We see George go from a young man full of hopes and dreams to a frustrated, drained, broken middle aged man at the end of his rope, to a man trying to make sense of the reality of his non-existence who ultimately learns that he’s a better and more important person than he thought he was. It’s a major emotional roller coaster, and Jimmy Stewart absolutely nails every moment of the ride. It’s rare for a Hollywood film to let a male protagonist get anywhere near as emotionally raw and vulnerable as George Bailey is at several points throughout this film, but Stewart was clearly not afraid to cry on screen, and it’s beautiful to watch.

The sets and visual effects are also beautiful and noteworthy. Falling snow on film used to be created with cornflakes painted white, but a new snow effect using fire extinguisher foam mixed with soap and water was developed for It’s a Wonderful Life. Using this allowed the sound to be recorded live, which had been impossible with crunchy cornflakes, and I feel like it enhanced the performances to not have to record the dialogue separately. The Bedford Falls set was one of the longest sets that had ever been made for an American movie, and the streets and buildings do an excellent job of bringing the audience into the town. Apparently three different cinematographers worked on this movie (they kept getting fired due to disagreements with the director), but the look and feel of the film is remarkably consistent and unique. Plenty of movies set in small towns were made during this era, but somehow none of them feel quite like this one. That could just be my own nostalgia, since this was the first one I saw, but there’s just something about Bedford Falls that sets it apart from other movie settings, and that’s a big part of what I love about this movie. The sets and the lighting and the performances are so engrossing that no matter how many times I rewatch it, I still feel like I’m part of the town, and like I’m interacting with the characters, in a fresh and unique way.

It's interesting that I’m talking about two 1946 movies in a row because I think that, like Notorious, It’s a Wonderful Life could really only have been made that year. James Stewart had left Hollywood to fight in World War II and was considering giving up acting for good when Frank Capra asked him to star in this film. Capra had spent the war making documentaries and propaganda films, and this was also his first post-war movie. Now, I’ve never fought in a war, and my parents are baby boomers so I definitely wasn’t around for World War II, but it stands to reason that their wartime experiences significantly impacted the people involved in making this film and were still fresh on their minds. Stewart apparently said that his PTSD and depression from the war helped him relate to George Bailey, and that acting out George’s anger and frustrations was cathartic for him. The US was also at its most anti-fascist at this time, as James and I briefly discussed last week, which I assume is what allowed this movie to be so blatantly anti-capitalist. Building and Loan associations don’t really exist anymore, but based on my understanding of the Bailey business from this movie, they seem kind of like mutual aid mortgages. Because George holds onto this institution, the people of Bedford Falls are able to afford to buy decent homes for themselves. The alternative that Potter wants is everyone paying him exorbitant rent. By capitalist standards, George is a failure, and was incredibly foolish for turning down Potter’s lucrative job offer in the middle of the movie. But the film portrays him as a hero precisely because he values people over money. When he’s at the end of his rope, Potter has the power to save him (especially because he’s the one who has the cash that Uncle Billy lost) but he refuses; it’s George’s friends and family who rally around to help him. And that sounds like something that would have been considered dangerously close to socialism in the McCarthy era. The Hollywood blacklist started in 1947, so I feel like It’s a Wonderful Life couldn’t have been made even a year later than it was without significant modifications.

One of the main focuses of the story is the romance between George and Mary, but I feel like even that is used as a demonstration of the shortcomings of our capitalist society. They are clearly drawn to each other, but George initially tries to pretend otherwise, in large part because he doesn’t feel good enough for her. She has a college education; he does not. Their wealthy friend, Sam Wainwright, is interested in Mary, and George feels like she would be better off with Sam, even though all she wants is George. They spend all their honeymoon money on supporting Building and Loan clients during a bank run, at Mary’s suggestion, but George later regrets that he couldn’t afford to provide for both his clients and his wife. Mary is perfectly happy with their life, but George feels like a failure by society’s standards and can’t see anything else, so he needs Clarence’s reality check to show him that he has always been enough for her. If George wasn’t constantly being bombarded with the message that he should be making more money, that he should have been able to leave Bedford Falls and make something more of himself, that he should be able to buy his wife and children extravagant things, maybe he could have been happy without divine intervention.

But also we need to talk about what happens to Mary in the alternate reality when George doesn’t exist because I have some very mixed thoughts about that. Earlier, right after George turned down Potter’s offer, he asked Mary why she married a guy like him and she replied, “To keep from being an old maid.” So when George doesn’t exist, she is an old maid. I remember as a teenager who didn’t know that being aroace was a thing and didn’t want to examine why I only ever had “crushes” on celebrities who were already dead, thinking that Mary’s attitude made perfect sense: if you can’t marry Jimmy Stewart, why get married at all? The part that has always confused me is when George begs Clarence to tell him where Mary is, and Clarence says, “You’re not going to like it, George.” Wouldn’t he like it less if she had married someone else? Isn’t it good that she’s consistent with her assertions that he’s the only man for her? I like to think that Mary is on the aromantic spectrum, and feels romantic attraction so rarely that if she hadn’t met George she would never have felt it at all, but even I have to admit that the movie isn’t really trying to say that. It seems to be implying that Mary ending up a librarian with no husband is the worst possible fate for her, which is an infuriatingly amatonormative attitude for a story that otherwise encourages resistance to societal pressures. But overall, I give George and Mary’s romance a pass, because I do think they have a fascinating dynamic, and also because the movie focuses a lot on community and other non-romantic relationships too.

There’s a lot of emphasis on family relationships, and the brotherly bond between George and Harry that is slightly tinged with envy is particularly well done. Harry gets a lot of opportunities that George wants, but George chooses to be happy for and supportive of him rather than resenting him too much. And Harry’s toast at the end – “To my big brother, George, the richest man in town” – is one of the moments guaranteed to make me cry every time. When George is young, he kind of looks down on his father, but finally starts to appreciate him shortly before his death, although not quite enough to understand that it’s good that he follows in his father’s footsteps. His relationship with his mother is very sweet, and the part when she doesn’t recognize him is perhaps the most devastating moment in the movie. I really wish we got to see George interact with his children a bit more; we mostly see them when he’s taking out his work frustrations on them, which doesn’t seem like a typical interaction. His scene with Zuzu and the flower is adorable though. And then there are all the friendships. I don’t know if the Sesame Street characters were named after them, but Bert the cop and Ernie the cab driver have a fun relationship with each other and with George, and I appreciate that we get glimpses of how miserable they both are in the alternate reality. Violet is another interesting character, and at some points it almost seems like she’s being set up as a romantic rival for Mary, but she and George remain a rare good example of male/female friendship. And there are so many other great interactions between the townspeople; it feels like a real community. And it is that community of friends and acquaintances that come together at the end to help George and show him that he’s not alone, and that he has made a positive difference in all their lives. Granted, it’s very clear that Mary is the most important person to him, so the movie does reinforce the relationship hierarchy established by amatonormativity, but at the end, what does Clarence write in the book? “No man is a failure who has friends.”

I want to talk a little bit about representation in this film. There is only one black character, Annie, played by Lillian Randolph, who is, predictably, a maid, and while she is a pretty awesome character, she’s not in very much of the movie, and all the other characters are white. Disappointing, but not surprising for a 1940s Hollywood film. Similarly, while we get a few fabulous female characters, there are a lot more men than women. However, I feel like this movie has better disability representation than the average 2020s movie. It’s a Wonderful Life shows that it’s not that hard to incorporate an actor’s disability into a movie without it being the main focus of the story or the character. They really said, “You use a wheelchair? Awesome, your character uses a wheelchair now.” Of course, they were probably willing to provide more accommodations for the legendary Lionel Barrymore than they would have for an unknown disabled actor, but even he had been replaced in the 1938 film version of A Christmas Carol, in which he’d been slated to play Scrooge, because he couldn’t walk anymore. So I really like that It’s a Wonderful Life showed how effectively he could play a Scrooge-like character without walking.

I also really appreciate that It’s a Wonderful Life is very similar to A Christmas Carol, but kind of flipped. A Christmas Carol motivates the wealthy miser to change his behavior by showing him how happy people would be without him; It’s a Wonderful Life motivates the poor man to change his self-perception by showing him how unhappy people would be without him. A Christmas Carol’s message is that nobody is beyond redemption, which I do believe, but It’s a Wonderful Life responds with, “Let’s be realistic: the extremely rich aren’t going to change their ways; we need to do what we can to limit their power.” Which is a message that, if anything, has only gotten more relevant in the last 77 years. Most of my top 40 movies are fun, silly, entertainment that I use to escape the harshness of reality, but while this movie does have some fun moments, it’s less of an escape and more of a reflection of that harshness. I watch movies like Emperor’s New Groove and Mamma Mia and Bringing Up Baby and Ella Enchanted when I need to laugh; I watch It’s a Wonderful Life when I need to cry. Sometimes I have trouble regulating or understanding my feelings, and a big part of what I love about movies is the way they let us experience deep emotions in a relatively safe and controlled environment. It’s a Wonderful Life has been scorned by some film critics as overly sentimental, and perhaps it is, but I guess I don’t see anything wrong with being overly sentimental every once in a while. Sometimes you just need to feel feelings.

Thank you for listening to me discuss another of my most frequently rewatched movies. Next up is the shortest in a 4-way tie of movies I watched 22 times in the last 20 years, which is another one that I had seen many times before I started keeping track. As always, I will leave you with a quote from that next movie: “This is yet another example of the late neoclassic Baroque period. And, as I always say, ‘If it’s not Baroque, don’t fix it!’”

[attllhak]

Adoption AU - Lullaby Reacts to Time’s Batman Level Adoption Bullshit

@tortilla-of-courage I offer you mercy. Also no one mentioned wanting to be tagged on the last story on this series so it’s just you for right now I guess.

Also, this fic is called ‘Aunt Lullaby/Uncle Sheik On Time’s Sudden Acquisition Of Kids’ in my docs, but I’ve been using the ‘Batman-Level Adoption Bullshit’ for so long that this is the title now.

Also! Some of the boys have some heavy topics to their backstories (Wars comes to mind as an example), so let me know if I need to tag this with certain warnings or stuff. Nothing is actually shown, but I figured I’d just put that out there.

-----------------

Lullaby, who was still just Zelda then, had been very excited when Time, then just Link, had called her to tell her that Malon was pregnant.

She had gotten the call first, as Link had found it important that she knew before anyone else. After everything else in his life, he said, he wanted the person who he knew would always be there for him to know first, and that he was going to be making a few other calls later that day.

Link had never had an easy life. When his father died when he was 10, he’d ended up devastated. Zelda and her Aunt Impa had found him hiding in an alley a few days after, once he’d run away from the social workers. His sister Navi had been with him, and the two were sorting through the very few bits of snack food they’d had. Link’s father had been a foster parent for a lot of strays, orphans, or abused kids needing another place to stay. Link had fallen into the orphan category, and so the social workers had planned to cycle him back into the system. He’d lost contact with his sister Saria, whom he still hadn’t found out how to make contact with again, and so all he had was Navi. Impa had taken them both in on the spot, much to the annoyance of Zelda’s father initially, but the two grew on him. Navi went missing when Link and Zelda had been 17, after an issue with a man who really had wanted to see them both dead. Link hadn’t given up hope yet, but with every passing year it looked worse and worse for her to be okay.

Zelda had known Malon from day one, and had loved Link’s wife and was so happy to see him find that bit of happiness. The one thing she knew he wanted more than anything else was to have a solid, stable family of his own.

The pregnancy was a wonderful bit of news, and she couldn’t be happier for her brother.

She had spent some time over at their house, her then-girlfriend Ruto coming as well, helping Malon with some of the housework and such since she wasn’t supposed to be doing too much of the ranch work while pregnant.

She had arrived at the hospital less than thirty minutes after she got the call that Malon was in labor, and spent the time pacing in the hall, then supporting Link when he got kicked out after panicking too much. Apparently Malon had enough of him.

She could relate.

After Link had his whole ‘we made a whole baby person’ moment where his brain short-circuited after he was handed his son, the next person who got to hold him was Zelda. A chubby baby, who slept almost the whole time. He had his mother’s nose, thank Hylia.

Zelda saw him open his eyes only once that day, and she could swear she saw in his cobalt-silver eyes that same spark in his father’s eye. Singular, since Link only had the one.

Zelda’s family had a long tradition of naming their kids after family members. Her name was her grandmother’s and her great-grandmother’s, so on so forth. Her father had been pressing to pick a family name the entire pregnancy. Her mother had kept telling him to back off a little. Fortunately, Malon’s family also had a set of passed down names, hers being one of them. So the idea of naming the child after family wasn’t a big deal for her, even if it was a different set of names.

However, there was one thing to take into account here, and that was Link’s family.

No one knew what the naming traditions in his family were, he didn’t even know his birth parent’s names. But that didn’t change the desire to find a way to work them in too.

There was only one name from Link’s family that anyone knew.

The baby was named Link.

Zelda’s father stopped complaining a week later. Her mother was very clear about it.

At Zelda and Ruto’s wedding seven years later, Link Jr. was the ring bearer.

Junior stopped being his nickname when he was thirteen.

(---)

Zelda got a call from Link Sr. about a day after it happened with a simple request.

“Who was in charge of the paperwork when your family adopted me?”

Zelda blinked once, then twice. “Come again?”

“The lawyer who arranged for my adoption, who was that?” Link asked again.

“Why?” Zelda asked, her wife leaning around the doorframe to give her a concerned look. Zelda shot her a thumbs up.

A heavy sigh came from the other end of the phone. “I think I’ve acquired another son,”

Zelda came over.

This new nephew of hers, apparently, was a sweet boy. A series of scars littered his entire left side, burn and explosive damage if she were to guess, and he had no idea how he got them. He had amnesia. The one thing he did know was his name.

His name was Link.

Zelda had to take a minute. She was trying very hard not to laugh. This was exactly the kind of luck her brother had.

“Zelda, stop mocking me, this wasn’t my call,” Link whined, though he’d never say it was a whine.

“Link, you have to see the humour here,” she gasped, waving at the two boys in the living room where Jr. was trying to show Scars how to use a lasso. This was Zelda’s idea, but she wasn’t taking responsibility for it.

Link just sighed heavily. “Link found him on the street. Malon looked into it and his parents died in a car crash a year ago, he has nowhere to go. We’ve agreed to let him stay, you understand that,”

Zelda nodded, sobering up some. “Yeah, I get that, kinda. The lawyer we hired was named Rauru, Mom should have his contact information still, you should call her,”

Link sighed, relieved. “Thank you,”

“Of course, just don’t make it a habit,”

(---)

The first inclination this would be a habit was a year later.

Wild, the younger of his sons, was in the same class as another boy named Link. This boy had lived with his uncle his whole life, and got the call his uncle died when at school. Sheik was about ready to punch someone for doing that to the boy, and just before christmas no less.

Wild brought him home, insisting he could stay at least for the holidays. The agreement wasn’t even a question, there was no way he was going to be forced to spend a holiday at an orphanage.

When Sheik and Ruto showed up on christmas day, not that their family cared much for christmas but they were all off anyways, the newest Link had been named Legend.

He was a little more shy than the others, understandably, and a little snappish.

Not a bad kid, just one grieving and in need of family. That was something their family had never hesitated to provide.

Sheik’s mother teaching him how to spin a butterfly knife was probably not the wisest decision, but considering Rottla heard a therapist say “Your kids are traumatized, they need to feel safe again,” and decided to sign them up for every martial arts she could, well, it should have been a sign that she wasn’t the best in that regard. Time, Link Sr., had made it very clear he felt Sheik took after her. Sheik had no idea what his brother was talking about.

Legend didn’t leave after that. One call to Rauru, and Legend was a permanent member of the family.

Sheik took great pride in being the favorite Uncle of Legend’s, after his late guardian of course. He pointedly ignored that he was the only Uncle, and only part-time.

Time could suck it.

(---)

Lullaby, since so many of her nephews’ friends were named Zelda apparently, received a call at five am.

True, she knew her brother and his wife woke up at sunrise to do yard work and such, but usually they were kind enough to let her sleep in.

Not so this morning.

“Wha?” She mumbled into the phone, trying, and failing, to not wake her wife.

“Zelda,” came Malon’s clipped tone through the receiver, “do you know about a missing person’s case for one Jerimiah Smith?”

Zelda blinked heavily, and had to convince herself not to go back to sleep. Who, why did Malon care? It was five am, the sun wasn’t even up yet.

“Why?” She asked to buy time, still working on a quarter of thought. Ruto rolled over and held her. Not helping, Ruto.

“I have a Link Smith in my barn claiming that his grandfather went missing, and he’s run away from a temporary foster home,” Malon explained, and okay that was worth waking up for.

Lullaby sat up, pushing Ruto’s arm from her waist to her lap, causing her wife to grumble, and turned on the lamp, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. “Okay, okay pause. Pause and back up,” she half-swallowed a yawn, squinting into her bedroom. “What is going on?”

“I got up to do some work, since Link is still asleep, and I came into the barn to find a boy asleep in the hay, here you are,” her voice dropped away from the receiver, likely talking to the boy in question, then came back. “So I found a boy in the hay, and I woke him up. He says his name is Link Smith, and he was living with his grandfather since his father was overseas in the military. His father wasn’t home enough to care for him, so his grandfather had sole custody after his mother died or something, there was a lot of tears at this part. Anyways, his grandfather went missing a week ago, and he’s been through three foster homes and none of them were very accepting of, he apparently has a ‘mental thing’ that he’s dealing with. I was wondering if you could confirm his story?”

Lullaby leaned over the bed, grumbling, and grabbed her laptop, Ruto giving up on getting her back to bed and sliding up the headboard with her to drape over her shoulders while she pulled up Firefox. “Hold on,” she told her sister in law, plugging the name into Google. Jeremiah Smith, went missing a week ago, blah blah blah, oh there we go.

Link Smith, grandson of Jerimiah Smith, left in limbo after his grandfather’s disappearance. Oh, that was interesting. According to this article, which most certainly was breaking some privacy laws and if Link Smith was staying it would be coming down, the boy had multiple personality disorder.

“Yeah, he’s telling the truth,” Lullaby said, switching the phone to her other ear so Ruto could nuzzle up better without bumping it. “Also, I found his weird ‘mental thing’. According to this article, which I’m pretty sure isn’t legal, he’s got dissociative identity disorder,”

“Isn’t that dangerous?” Ruto mumbled, still mostly asleep on her shoulder.

“No, not really. He’s actually more likely to be in danger than a danger,” she twisted to kiss her wife’s head, then went back to Malon. “He probably really needs someone who’ll be supportive enough through all this, both the disappearance and his condition. DID isn’t something easy to live with, I can see him having some issues with foster parents,” Lullaby had never been so glad that she got bored one day and decided to look it up after she heard people talk about it so negatively. You never know when information like that would be useful.

“He’s fine to take in?” Malon whispered after a moment. “I just, the other boys,”

“Will need to be patient, but unless one of his alters is particularly bad for dealing with threats, perceived or otherwise, in an unkind way then he’s fine and safe to be around. I’d ask him about that, but don’t force him to admit anything that can be bad for him, but I don’t see any more risk than taking in Wild or Legend,”

Malon sighed on the other end of the line. “Alright, I’ll bring him in and wake up Link, so he can call Rauru about all this while I sit with him and try and get him to relax,”

“Wonderful, I’ll call the office and see about what I can do about this article then. And for the record, if you ever call me at asscrack of dawn o’clock in the morning again, then next time we meet I’m clocking you,”

Malon had the nerve to laugh.

Four, as he’d been nicknamed by the time Lullaby and Ruto showed up to meet him, was a fascinating person. Green, the host of his system, was a brave, if occasionally airheaded, boy who wanted to try everything, and had been fascinated by his grandfather’s old-timey forge. Time had plans to make one in the yard for him. Red, the emotional and spiritual protector of the system, was empathetic and sweet and compassionate. No one had a bad word to say about Red. Vio, short for Violet, was the gatekeeper for the system and kept the four of them working on the same page. Bright and clever boy, his nose stuck in a book most of the time and willing to offer up the most random and yet useful information. Blue, the physical protector, was a little gruff and definitely someone you just got used to, but he cared deeply about his ‘brothers’ as they called each other, and the external brothers he acquired grew on him quickly enough too. It was a bit of a fight to get custody of him, but Rauru was the best there was, so it was only a week or two before the paperwork was going through for him.

Lullaby had a feeling this wasn’t the end by a long shot, and prayed that Hylia would be merciful about granting Time’s wish for a family.

She was going a little overboard.

(---)

Sheik wasn’t surprised in the least at the newest addition when he walked in the one day. No, mostly he was just confused as to why he hadn’t gotten a phone call before he got there.

Usually there was a phone call.

He was very upset by the way the boy looked, however.

This new addition, Warriors as he’d learn later that Time acquired yet another Link, was curled up in the corner of the couch with his scarf wrapped around him like a blanket, clearly trying not to be seen. Voices floated out of the kitchen, and Sheik picked up that Twilight brought him home, and was lobbying for a new brother.

Ah, that’s why there was no phone call.

Ruto went to investigate the conversation, so Sheik decided to introduce himself to his newest nephew.

Upon closer inspection, the boy looked about Twilight’s age, and had a bruise on his temple, maybe a day or two old now. Looking closer saw a few more on the left side of the boy’s face. Someone hit him, with purpose.

Sheik sat down next to him and said nothing, waiting for him to make the first move. Eventually, he poked his head out of his scarf.

“Hello,” Sheik offered once it became clear he wouldn’t be saying anything.

“Hullo,” he mumbled into the fabric, glancing away and back at his feet.

“My name is Sheik,” Sheik offered lightly. “Time is my brother,”

The boy looked up, eying him. “Twilight is your nephew?”

“Yes, he is,” Sheik nodded, smiling at him. “You’re a friend of his?”

The boy shrugged. “Kinda,” a beat of silence passed, then he shifted around. “He said I’d be safe here,”

“You will be,” Sheik agreed, trying to be comforting. “I can assure you of that,”

He hummed and snuggled back into his scarf.

“May I, if this isn’t overstepping, can I ask why you need somewhere to be safe?” Sheik asked after a moment.

He tensed up, eyes darting to him and at the doorway, and then back, wide eyes a little panicked.

Sheik was just about to apologize when the boy spoke.

“I ran away from home,” he admitted, looking away. “My uh, my parents aren’t, great people. I can’t go back, so I need somewhere else to go. Twi said I could be safe here, that his parents would fight for me,”

“They will,” Sheik said with enough conviction it almost startled him. “I know my brother, and he can’t turn away from someone in need, and his wife is the most strong willed woman I’ve ever met. You won’t find another pair of people more willing to go to war for you than them.”

He blinked at Sheik, then nodded, relaxing a little. “And, if my parents come for me?”

Sheik grinned. “My family is very rich, and we have a small army of very good lawyers. You won’t be going back there, I assure you,”

He smiled, and leaned over towards Sheik a little. “I’m Link,”

Of course you are, Sheik thought. He held out an arm for ‘Link’ to lean into, not getting attached to the name since it would be changing. The boy leaned into his side easily, deflating against him with a sigh. He looked so tired.

“Link,” Sheik asked carefully, watching his words. “Can I ask about the bruises on your face?”

The boy blinked up at him, biting his lip.

“They uh, my dad did that,” he admitted in a small voice, curling into Sheik’s side, and the sheikah pulled him in close to his side, hoping to provide the comfort Link was seeking. “Right before I left. I packed up and went through the window. My twin sister is still there, and I’m a little worried about her, but I can’t go back again. I, he,” he paused, sucking in a breath. Sheik rubbed his arm and side, trying to help him calm down, ignoring the tears on his shirt.

“I thought he was going to kill me,” Link finally admitted in a small, scared voice.

Sheik knew he never had very many parental instincts, and he and Ruto agreed no kids before they even got engaged, but for the first time ever Sheik felt that flare that Time and Malon described everytime something threatened their kids. It was then and there Sheik decided this boy would be part of their family, whether Time was the one who took him in or not. No kid should have to say that and mean it. No kid should be scared their parent was going to kill them.

Oh, the lawyers Sheik was planning on bringing down on whoever these assholes were would be many.

Time took the boy in, as Sheik predicted (thankfully), and sure enough the immediate support was immense. His parents never even put out a missing persons report. Sheik added child negligence to his list of growing charges to lay out.

Two months after Warriors moved in, he got a call from his sister. She got out and was safe now, and wanted to be sure he was as well. This made him very relieved. They met up once or twice, and seemed to be getting back to normal.

Two weeks later, Legend and Wild got suspended distracting Warriors’ parents so Twilight could sneak him out the back of the school. Four didn’t get suspended, but only because when Vio messed with the security cameras to cover up the escape he didn’t get caught. Time took all three out for ice-cream and junk food when he picked them up.

Lullaby saw an opportunity and took it without hesitation. Lawyers were called and organized, and without much wait there was an order for both of them to appear in court on child abuse and negligence charges. The kidnapping charge laid against them in retaliation was almost laughable.

A few weeks later, Time and Malon had full custody of Warriors pending a proper criminal trial for full punishment of his parents, at which time Linkle, Warriors’ twin sister, planned to testify as well. If they couldn’t get things settled before Warriors turned 18, then they planned to push through an adult adoption the day he did. A birthday present, Time had said. Lullaby laughed.

(---)

Sky was probably the most skittish of Time’s sons.

Lullaby wasn’t sure entirely why he was so skittish, but he was. He reminded her of a bird, or a rodent, or a cat who really, really didn’t want to interact with new people.

She had been briefed before she visited on Sky’s background. His social worker had been having trouble setting him up with a home where he’d stay for longer than a week or so, and in a last ditch effort had asked Time and Malon, with their long track record of housing troubled and unhousable youths, if they could take one more. They agreed.

Sky apparently had a friend, a bit of a troublemaker if Lullaby guessed correctly, who had gotten the two arrested. Time mentioned the event had Sky concerned about being ‘too much trouble’ and that ‘they’d get rid of him too’ or something. Time said this was ridiculous, as Sky caused him the least amount of trouble, but the boy was concerned about being thrown away again. He apparently had a few self-worth issues.

Lullaby found him on the back porch talking to the birds. Not in any human language, mind you, and Lullaby spoke many, but cooing and chirping back at them. He seemed very happy and at ease like that, singing at the birds.

“Do you mind if I join you?” She asked in a whisper during a pause in the conversation.

Sky jumped, eyes wide, and he squirmed a little when he saw her. “Uh, sure, I guess,”

She sat on the other end of the bench next to him, and calmly went back to watching the birds, and him interacting with them. He seemed much more at ease here than he did with people.

“Did you need something?” He asked, after a while, letting a blue jay grab a peanut from his hand.

“Not specifically,” she shook her head. “I had wanted to meet you, but nothing else,”

He blinked at her a little dumbly.

“Why would you want to meet me?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” She asked back, not sure what he was trying to say.

“Well, I mean, I’m not exactly special. And, it’s not like I’m staying,”

“I think you’re pretty special, most people can’t get birds to land on their hands like that,” Lullaby said gently, not liking how he spoke about himself. “And why would you think you aren’t staying?”

“I never stay,” he admitted, turning his eyes back to the birds, frowning. “No one ever considers me worth the effort,”

“You are very much worth the effort,” Lullaby countered, trying her best to keep her face soft instead of pinching up. “Trust me, however much effort you are, it is nowhere near the level of your brothers. Time wouldn’t have taken you in if he didn’t want you,”

“He’s just doing Impa a favour,” he said glumly, offering up more birdseed to the birds. “I won’t be staying forever,”

“I’m sure my brother has explained why that’s bullshit,” Lullaby said bluntly.

“But, I got arrested,” he mumbled.

“So have three of your brothers,” Lullaby pointed out. “Regularly. For much worse things. I promise you, that is not an issue,”

“But,”

“If you are going to say something bad about yourself again then I’m telling you right now I’m not going to listen to it,” Lullaby cut him off. “Time has told me a lot about you, and all of it is how much he loves you,”

“Really?” Sky looked up at her.

“You cause him the least amount of headaches of all his sons,” Lullaby smiled. “He adores you,”

Sky turned away, clearly trying to think that over.

“How about you tell me more about the things you enjoy doing,” Lullaby suggested.

“Huh?” Sky asked, turning back to her.

“I’d like to get to know more about what makes my nephew happy,” she smiled.

“Why?”

“Well, I’d be a bad aunt if I didn’t, especially since you’ll be sticking around,”

Sky looked like he didn’t believe her, but told her about his woodcarving anyways.

Lullaby was happy that as time went on Sky became less skittish and self-deprecating. He was a sweet kid, and as he got more comfortable and confident more of his true colours started showing through.

She felt a bit bad for Time, though. Apparently he was as prone to chaos as his brothers, he was just more subtle about it.

Time brought it on himself though. He should have known this when he adopted six boys.

(---)

The call about the next son had Lullaby’s head hitting her kitchen table, groaning loudly even when Ruto came to check on her.

Wild found a boy in the woods and they’d decided to keep him.

This was getting to be just a bit too much.

When Sheik and Ruto got to meet the boy, they were a bit taken aback. They had expected another Wild.

What they got was a quiet boy who mostly kept to himself. He was a bit shy, but he seemed to open up a bit more around Wild and, amusingly, Legend. He was a bit jumpy, but considering they had no idea how long he was in the woods that was expected.

What was surprising them most was that he did actually have a mother, who loved him very much, but who was very sick and so wasn’t able to actually take care of him, thus the wandering in the woods. His mother had been very worried, but physically unable to look. She had asked family to check but they gave up pretty quickly.

In light of her family being horrible for taking care of her son, and not knowing if she’d survive her illness, she asked Malon and Time if they could take care of her son for her since she clearly couldn’t trust her relatives and the boy’s father had abandoned them the moment she decided to keep him.

Time and Malon had taken one look at the boy and their sons, and agreed. They worked out an arrangement to keep the boy’s mother in the loop, and then they called Rauru. After which Time called his sibling.

This boy’s name was also Link. Sheik did not feel bad about laughing. Really, his brother had the weirdest luck.

They, for some reason, decided his nickname would be Hyrule. Why they decided to name him after the country, Sheik didn’t know. Apparently it was the only nickname he liked.

He had trouble reading, but he liked learning, especially if he could use what he learned to help people.

He fit right in, which made Sheik wonder exactly when his brother was going to stop adopting. He hoped it was before the ranch house ran out of room.

(---)

Eight. He stopped at eight.

Which was still too many, in Sheik’s opinion, but whatever.

The newest hellraiser at least didn’t come from the streets like almost all of the others.

This Link (because yes, his name was Link too) had recently lost his parents and his grandmother couldn’t financially support both him and his sister. So Time and Malon agreed to take care of him for her. The rest of their sons all acquired a grandma as well, it seemed.

They nicknamed him Wind, and he immediately latched onto his older brothers and started giving his new parents headaches.

When Lullaby and Ruto showed up next, she felt no sympathy for her brother. He brought this on himself.

She was more than a little pissed off when the brat stole her wallet though. Damn thief.

Time assured her that they’d talk to him about it. Lullaby wasn’t sure that’d help.

But, she reasoned, despite the chaos, Time was happy. Practically giddy. He lit up whenever he spoke about his sons, and he clearly loved them dearly.

Hylia had granted his wish for a family. She maybe went a bit overboard, but as long as Time was happy, so was Lullaby.

(---)

She wasn’t commenting on the ninth kid. She refused.

At least his name wasn’t ‘Link’.

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

HEY BESTIE ITS ME AGAIN! i was wondering if i could get a will request with angst. LOTS AND LOTS of angst about will and the reader seeming to always miss each other in sense of relationships and because of that the reader distanced themself from will so months pass by and they both are single then and they run into each other and eventually get into a fight bc he’s upset that they ghosted him and eventually have an angry love confession and happy ending?

thank u sm bff

YOU WANT ANGST, I"LL GIVE YOU ANGST...in a fairly decent amount cause this was hard to write for some reason🙃 sorryyyy @poulterfilms

~~~~~~~~~~

Why did life have to be so hard?

You watched as Will got ready for his date that night, giddy and excited to be going out, rambling on and on about how nice this person was, who he met a few days prior.

You just smiled and nodded along, pretending that your heart wasn't painfully throbbing with jealousy.

You hated this feeling, longing. It was strange, you never felt this way before with Will. You've been friends with him as long as you can remember, seen him have plenty of dates with other people. So why did you suddenly feel like you wanted him all to yourself? It wasn't like you at all.

"So, what do you think?" Will asked, snapping you out of your thoughts, slowly spinning around to show off his outfit.

You plastered on that same fake smile that you unfortunately got into the habit of doing nowadays. "You look great, Will. You always do." You didn't mean to sound so sad, but it came out that way and you internally cringed.

Will cocked his head with a confused grin. "You okay?"

You nodded your head eagerly. "Of course!" You stood up from where you sat and quickly adjusted the collar of Will's shirt, struggling to pull away when he smiled at you. "I always have to fix that damn shirt collar." You chuckled weakly, forcing yourself to take a couple steps back.

Will copied your chuckle, turning around to do a once over in his mirror. "What would I do without you?" He joked, but you frowned for a split second before shaking your head.

"Well, don't wanna keep the lucky date waiting, right?" You patted him on the shoulder, maybe a little too hard since Will rubbed his shoulder with a grimace afterwards.

"You are absolutely right. I'll be off then, night, love!" Will placed a quick kiss to your cheek, heading out of his house, leaving you alone with the ghost of the kiss lingering on your cheek. The innocent, and most importantly, friendly kiss.

You looked around the living room solemnly, looking to your feet to see the two pups you were trusted to take care of while the owner was out of his date. Welp, at least I have his dogs to share my misery with...

You had no idea how you let this happen. You've always seen Will as a friend, and nothing more. You've both hyped each other up when one of you scored a date. Will has seen you off to plenty of dates and never had a problem with it, so why couldn't you do the same for him?

Unbeknownst to you, Will actually has had similar feelings. He didn't know how it happened, but he developed strong feelings for you. He clearly knew you didn't feel the same, and he had to sit idly by as he watched you be in and out of relationships with people who weren't him.

He's never been one to get jealous, but he'd definitely be lying if he said he never was jealous of your partners. He wanted to be the one to hold your hand, he wanted to be the one to open doors for you, to be the one you smiled at when he wasn't looking. He decided to move on, even if it was the last thing he wanted. But his respect for you trumped his lust that he felt at the same time, he just wished he could turn his feelings off.

You decided to hole up in your apartment after Will came back from his date, the date that went "extremely well." The "he'd definitely be seeing this person again" date.

You couldn't say you were devastated, for obvious reasons. You didn't want to tell Will you had feelings for him, and you didn't want to be selfish. You always felt selfish nowadays.

You just felt like a burden.

It was hard hanging out with Will, always having to hear about his new partner, how they're so nice and kind and caring and apparently so fuckin' amazing...it made you want to vomit. It made you not want to hang out with him as much anymore, but thankfully, that decision was made for you. Will didn't have time for you anymore, he really wanted to make his relationship with this new person work, more than he wanted to keep your friendship strong, you thought.

Eventually, you just stopped trying to initiate conversations. Will would text you, all the time really, he'd just be too busy to see you. Between acting roles and sending time with his partner, you'd only be with him through text messages.

An epiphany struck you one day: you deserved better.

You knew you were right, and that's why it made your choice to painful. You had to cut ties with Will, but you had no idea how you'd do that without breaking down.

You took the coward's way out, at least, you thought it was cowardly.

You simply just stopped replying to his text messages. But once he started to text you messages like "can we talk?" you thought you might give him a chance. You said you'd do it tomorrow, then tomorrow turned into the next day, then a week passes, then a month. You stopped thinking about it, you didn't want to think about it, because every time you did, the urge to contact Will got stronger and stronger. You wanted to move on. You needed to move on. But, you never could get him out of your thoughts completely.

Months and months go by, and before you know it, it's Christmastime.

You'd decided to travel around after cutting off contact with Will, mostly just couch hopping with friends, exploring the area to get your mind off how heart broken you felt. It was a good distraction, for awhile. But now that Christmas was soon, you had to go back to your home town; you did miss your family quite a lot. But you did feel that similar anxiousness after coming back home, thinking about Will and the "what ifs." Will always loved spending time with his family during the holidays, and you knew he'd probably be in town.

Just going outside to check the mail was nerve wracking to you, but you chuckled bitterly at your paranoia, it's not like he was going to show up at your house out of the blue. He wouldn't do that.

Your family really wanted a Christmas tree, a real one. You tried to use your allergies as an excuse to just stick with an artificial tree, but your parents were dead set on having a real tree. It wasn't exactly a lie, you used to get real trees, you just couldn't be around one too closely or else you get into a sneezing fit. But you really just didn't want to be out in the town, just in case.

But your family dragged you along to help pick out a tree anyway, in the freezing cold.

You idly kicked some icicles that were formed on the bottom of tree branches, smiling subtly to yourself as you heard the crackle of the ice hitting the concrete. You looked over to see your family still trying to decide on what kind of tree they wanted, and you remembered how indecisive your folks were. You were gonna be there for awhile...

"Y/n?" As if you weren't freezing enough, the voice that you heard from beside you made a chill go up your spine, causing you to sink down more into your coat.

You looked to your left, unluckily for you, seeing your former best friend beside you, an unreadable expression on his face. "Will...? Uh, w-what are you doing here?" You weren't sure if it was the cold that made you stutter, or just the pure nervousness and almost fear that you felt.

Will uncomfortably shifted on his feet, taking a deep breath before answering. "My, uh, mum wanted to have a tree this year. I'm guessing yours did too?"

You nodded curtly. "Yep."

The awkward silence made you want to curl up into a ball and throw yourself off a cliff.

"We should probably talk." Will said.

"Uh," You nervously rubbed your hands together, "I don't think that's a good idea..."

"Why not?" He asked bluntly, his expression turning cold.

You sighed. "I...well, I have to help my parents get this tree so..."

"Fine. I'll come by later."

"Wait-"

"See you tonight." And with that, Will walked away in a hurry, not giving you the chance to refuse.

You bit the inside of your lip hard, a coppery taste coating the tip of your tongue when you explored the small dent in your mouth that you created from stress.

You figured this day would come soon enough. Karma's a bitch, as some say. You thought you'd have a bit more time to prepare yourself for a confrontation, but the universe decided to be a jerk and sucker punch you in the face with your regrets.

You went home, feeling like a knife was twisting in your gut as you helped your family set up your Christmas tree in the living room, constantly glancing at the clock every chance you could.

Eventually, your family decided to leave the house once more, having bought tickets to a play that night, which you politely declined to go to. You weren't interested in yet another retelling of the Christmas story acted out by little bratty children who couldn't remember their lines half the time. No, you have somewhat decent standards.

You just sat on the living room couch with your family pet, staring at the clock, seeing the hands move slowly until it finally reached nine o'clock. You untensed for a moment, thinking that maybe Will decided to not come over. The loud ring of the doorbell quickly squashed that idea.

You opened the door, not surprised to see Will on the other side, his cold expression unchanged from when you last saw him.

You said nothing as you moved aside, opening the door wider for Will as he walked in.

The air felt thick, like there wasn't enough oxygen for both of you to be in the same room. It felt similar to whenever you pulled your blankets over your head when you were little and afraid of the dark, thinking that nothing can hurt you if you were completely wrapped up in the comfort of your duvet, but never getting enough fresh air to keep those blankets over your head, eventually having to pull the blankets off to breathe. You really wished you had a blanket now...

"Well?" Will broke the silence, looking to you expectantly.

You shrugged slightly. "Well what?"

Will chuckled bitterly, shaking his head. "You know what, Y/n." When you didn't reply, he continued. "You stop talking to me all of a sudden, for months, not even telling me why. I need to know why, I deserve an explanation."

You sighed, looking anywhere but at him. "I just...needed some time away..." What a fucking lie...

"Some time away, really? That's your excuse? We were best friends, everything was fine, so what went wrong, huh? Why did you just up and leave everything behind without telling me?" You closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself as his voice got louder with every sentence. "Are you even listening to me? Do you hate me now, is that it? I don't know what I did, please, tell me." He pleaded.

"Will..." You whispered, finally looking to him to see unshed tears in his eyes. "it was me, not you. You didn't do anything wrong..."

Will stepped closer to you, his arms crossed. "Do you have any idea how much it hurt to be ghosted by the one person you thought cared about you the most? It really fucking hurt. And now, you're just standing here like you don't even care."

"I do care, Will." You said softly, reaching out to touch him but he quickly flinched away.

"Then why did you leave? I want the truth."

"I wasn't happy...with myself...with you." You started, walking over to take a seat on your couch. "I felt alone. You spent all your time with your partner, you rarely had time for me anymore."

"Wait, my partner?"

"Yeah...the beginning of this year, you started dating that person, I forgot their name..."

Will shook his head. "It didn't work out with them, I'm not seeing anyone, haven't for awhile. But that's not the point. Why didn't you just tell me that you felt alone? You know I would've made time for you if that's what you needed."

You felt like you wanted to scream, frustration starting to consume you, but you settled for a muffled groan. "It wasn't just because I felt alone..."

"Then what?"

Fuck it...

"Because I hated seeing you date other people. I absolutely hated it. And when you started gushing about how amazing this person was, I felt like I wanted to bash my head in with a hammer." Okay, maybe that was a little exaggerated, but you got your point across.

"You didn't want me to date other people?" Will's heart beat rapidly in his chest, just the thought of why you possibly felt that was making him anxious to ask, "Why?"

You were scared to answer, afraid of his reaction. What if he hated you? That would be the worst case scenario, you'd rather die than have him hate you. But, you did owe it to Will to tell him the truth. The unfiltered, honest truth.

"We've been friends for as long as I can remember. We always told each other everything." You smiled weakly. "We'd always be happy for each other whenever we went on dates and found people that made us happy. But...there was a point where I realized that no matter how many dates I went on with other people, I never truly found happiness in those people. Because, I always thought about someone else...you." You looked up at Will. "You've always been the one person to make me truly happy. And I finally figured it out, it's not because you were my best friend, it's because...you're the one I always wanted to be with, Will."

Will took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to take in your words. "That night, when I was about to go on that date, you weren't yourself. You looked sad..."

"I didn't want you to go. I wanted you to stay with me." You wiped away a few fallen tears with your sleeve, sighing tearfully. "I was being selfish...really selfish." You frowned.

Will carefully sat beside you, looking straight ahead. The red and green lights placed crookedly on the Douglas fir being one of the only light sources in the room, illuminating your tear ridden face and causing a reflective shine to Will's glassy sorrowful eyes.

"I had no idea." Will said, being the first one to break the silence yet again.

"That was kind of the point." You sniffled, curling your knees up to your chest.

"...I'm sorry."

You furrowed your brows, looking to Will in confusion. "Why are you sorry? I'm the only one who should be sorry."

Will shook his head. "No..." He laughed sharply, clenching his fists in his lap. "It's funny."

"What is?" You asked, trying not to sound offended.

"I've spend years trying to get over my feelings for you, and you tried to do the same. Guess I'm not as intuitive as I thought."

You silently gasped. "Will? You...? Huh?"

Will smiled weakly. "I only started dating other people because I was trying to push away my feelings for you, and of course, it didn't work."

"Will, if this is some joke-"

"It's not. Have I ever lied to you?"

"...no. You've had feelings for me this entire time? And I punished you for it..." You said as you felt the tears well up in your eyes again.

"No, Y/n, no. You had no way of knowing, just like I had no way of knowing how you felt about me."

"I'm so sorry, Will. I never should've left."

Will quickly grabbed a hold of your hand, bringing it up to his lips to place a gentle kiss on your knuckles. "You're here now. It's okay...we're okay."

"Can you ever forgive me?"

Will smiled softly. "Of course. I've never been able to stay mad at you for long."

You frowned. "What if I deserve it?"

"No. No, you don't. It's all going to be okay."

You took a deep breath, trying not to burst into tears again as Will pulled you close, wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace. "What now?"

"Maybe it's too early to ask but...we could go on a date." Will chuckled weakly.

You looked back up at Will, trying to hide your growing smile. "Really?"

"If that's what you want."

You looked at the clock. "It's getting a little late, I don't think that many places would be open right now. We could go out tomorrow?"

"It's a date." Will smiled.

You sighed. "I really wish I would've talked to you about this instead of running away..."

Will shook his head, bringing his hand up to gently caress your cheek. "I shouldn't have raised my voice earlier. So now we both have something we regret. But it's okay, Y/n. I felt like running away quite a few times myself whenever you went out with someone else...or just hiring a hitman or something."

You laughed genuinely, playfully pushing Will's shoulder. "I think my family is gonna be home soon."

"That's my cue to leave, I take it?"

You pouted. "I don't want you to."

"Well, hey, we'll see each other tomorrow." He smiled.

You walked Will to your front door, frowning as he opened it. "I never used to be the clingy type with anyone."

Will turned around to face you, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you in for a warm hug. "It's all going to be okay. We're gonna do this thing right."

You pulled away with a huff, looking deeply into his eyes. "I really want to kiss you right now." You giggled.

Will grinned, replying to your statement by leaning in, delicately brushing his lips over yours before fully placing them onto yours passionately. You could truthfully say that the kiss made you weak in the knees, it was everything you imagined it to be and more. It was intoxicating.

The kiss quickly got heated, and you didn't know if you'd be able to stop yourself. Will grabbed at your sides, trying to pull you even closer than you were already, eliciting a quiet moan from you when he gently pulled on the roots of your hair. But you finally forced yourself to stop, trying to catch your breath.

"Sorry." Will quickly apologized.

"I didn't want to stop." You snickered, running your hands through your now tangled hair. "We haven't even gone on our first date yet and I already want to rip your clothes off."

Will blushed and grinned. "Guess we'll just have to save it for tomorrow then."

"Tomorrow it is."

~~~~~~~~~

I had trouble writing this, if you couldn't already tell. Ugh, I have no idea why the reunion bit threw me off balance so badly

[thegirlonpeetamellark]

Christmas Break - Part 1

Surprise!! After a looong time away Court returns to Everlark fic world with a little holiday treat for everyone  - enjoy! :)

Hi everyone. So 2020 has sucked. For me, the beginning of quarantine was actually a bit of a gift. Being home gave me the gift of time, something I haven’t had much of as my daughters (who were very little when I started writing in this fandom) have gotten older. While I never stopped writing, it was a struggle to find long enough chunks of time to get into a flow. I started writing again with earnest. Not all of it was my fanfiction; some of it was my original work. El keeps me posted on the humbling and kind asks she gets about my writing. I felt bad that despite my increased writing, I still wasn’t ready to update any WIPs. But I did remember a story I had started for the final holiday PiP that I was never able to get past the first page (due to lack of time that year) and to my surprise, it started flowing. I had every intention of finishing it and having El post it as a gift to this fandom. But once my school went “back” in October and hybrid learning started, that was it. My time was gone. And further, my family experienced the very sudden and non-Covid-related death of my aunt. So while I have nearly half of this story written, it’s not done. But it will be, very soon, since it is a one-shot. As with all my stories, it took on a life of its own and it needs more love. So what I have for the readers who have loyally followed me is the first part, the part that involves Christmas. It’s my hope to have a second part posted in a week or two, so that by the time that part posts, a final part is nearly done. 

Thank you for your asks and your patience, and thank you to El, one of my favorite people in this world and the best thing my time in this fandom has given me. Thank you for your encouragement. Our friendship means the world to me. 

Here’s to a better 2021. Love to you all. Court

Christmas Break

Fuck, not again, Peeta grouses as the opening notes of that insidious Mariah Carey song pipe through the loudspeaker. That’s the third time in the last two hours. He’s all for holiday spirit, but if he never hears this fucking song again it will be too soon.

Leaning his forehead against the cold pane of glass, he peers out of the fourth-story window into the darkened sky. When he had arrived at work a few hours ago, the snow had just been starting to fall; a slow, lazy tumble of flakes. Now it’s coming down in a tumultuous swirl. It figures Panem would finally see a white Christmas his first Christmas Eve on rotation in the emergency room. No doubt the weather is partially to blame for the crush of bodies crowding the waiting room tonight. 

Peeta walks away from the window and opens the cabinet where he stashes his Clif bars. The economy-sized box looks suspiciously closer to empty than it did the other day. He’s heard complaints from other doctors and nurses that snacks are pilfered on a regular basis and was warned to label his own boxes. But he had forgone the warnings. If someone needed an energy bar badly enough to steal one, what was the $20 he had spent on them at Costco. He snags one and unwraps it. 

He’s just raised it to his mouth when his Apple watch pings and his silenced cell phone pulses insistently against his thigh. Heaving a loud sigh, he sets down the energy bar and withdraws the phone from his pocket. 

“Mom, you’ve got exactly 60 seconds,” he grits out. He doesn’t even need to look at the screen to confirm it’s her. She’s called twice already tonight, calls he’s ignored with good reason, but somehow his mother thinks a phone call from her trumps any actual emergencies her doctor son could be dealing with. Which, tonight, have been nonstop since his shift began at six. 

“Please tell me you ate something,” she begins. 

“I was just about to, when you called,” he replies. “I’ve only got a couple of minutes. It’s been utter chaos for the last four hours.” 

“We missed you at dinner. I can’t remember the last Christmas Eve when I didn’t have all three of my boys together.” Peeta closes his eyes. All these years my mother has been gushing about having a doctor in the family, and yet she never stopped to consider the ramifications of actually having a doctor in the family, he thinks. Particularly its impact on holiday gatherings. She obviously hadn’t learned anything from this past Thanksgiving, as now, just a month later, she’s already dumping a fresh guilt trip on him for missing another family dinner.

She continues, “And Jackson and Maxwell were just devastated when they heard you weren’t coming, until I assured them they’d see you tomorrow. We will see you tomorrow, yes?” 

Peeta suppresses another exasperated sigh and breaks off a chunk of the Clif bar. “Yes, Mom, I’ll be there.” And though it’s childish, he crams the bar into his mouth and mumbles around it, “I wouldn’t miss it for anything.” His chewing masks the sarcasm that weighs down the words. 

“Excellent. We need an updated family portrait before Everly and Rye have to leave for her parents’ house.” Placated, his mother moves to ends the call, but not before getting in a less-than-subtle comment about how much she adores his brother Rye’s fiancée and how happy she is Rye is settling down. 

Staring at the disconnected call flashing on the screen, Peeta tries not to let the remark get to him. Mostly because he knows it’s a lie. His mother has complained more than once about Everly and how she’s not good enough for Rye. Peeta knows the dig was directed at him. He hasn’t truly had a serious girlfriend since junior year of college; just a few casual relationships that barely qualified as relationships. He doesn’t know how his mother expects him to meet someone with the hours he keeps. And his father, for as close as they are, never seems willing to jump to Peeta’s defense. 

Taking a deep breath to let his irritation suffuse, he jams his phone back in his pocket and scarfs down the rest of his pathetic dinner. All three bites of it. Then he uses the restroom, dutifully washes his hand, and stalks out of the staff lounge, his short break over.

As he strides up the corridor, he hears loud shouting coming from the ER waiting room. 

“…should be asleep in her bed, waiting for Santa Claus to come, but instead, we’re still here waiting for someone to take a look at her arm! It’s been over two hours! Don’t you people have any compassion? Or is Ebenezer Freaking Scrooge running this place tonight?”

Curious, Peeta veers towards the reception desk, where his eyes land on the ranting woman. She’s young, probably no older than her mid-twenties, and in spite of the fact that her dark hair is spilling out of a messy braid and she’s not wearing any makeup, Peeta is immediately struck by her beauty. The rosy flush to her cheeks from her tirade actually makes her even prettier. She’s cradling a toddler and protectively shielding the little girl’s right arm. The toddler’s blonde head rests on her mother’s shoulder, her thumb wedged into her tiny pink mouth. Her left arm clutches a stuffed orange cat. She looks tired. Actually, both mother and daughter do. 

“Miss, I understand your frustration, I really do,” the receptionist says calmly, her eyes cutting to Peeta as he stops by her side. He reads the name on the file on top of the stack, the next patient scheduled to be seen: MCMURPHY, JOSEPH. Clearly not the little girl in front of him. 

“I don’t think you do!” the young mother cries, her eyes flashing steel. “She’s three, she’s in pain, and she’s scared. And what’s more, I’ve seen at least five people go ahead of us who came in after us!” 

“That’s not how the emergency room works, miss,” the receptionist replies. She drums her fingertips on the desk, offering the young mother a tight smile. 

“It’s Christmas Eve,” the young mother adds, an edge of desperation creeping into her tone. Discreetly, Peeta moves around the receptionist’s chair, scanning the desktop until he spies the stack of files for the patients awaiting admission. While the receptionist continues to give the young mother the run-around, he thumbs through the stack, searching. His eyes land on what he’s looking for: a date of birth. His lips tip up. Bingo. This has to be it: HAWTHORNE, IVY ANN. 

At the exact second his hand snatches Ivy’s file from the pile and slips the other one in amongst the stack, the young mother’s eyes lock on his. Her gaze narrows. He can see the exhaustion all over her beautiful face. Her full lips twitch, her countenance suspicious as they stare at one another. 

“Ivy Hawthorne?” Peeta taps the file he had extricated. An immediate flicker of relief lights the young mother’s mercury eyes, and that lush mouth breaks into a grateful, relieved smile. The receptionist’s neck snaps up. “I’ve got this,” he adds, his tone leaving no room for her to argue with him. It’s not protocol for Peeta to take a patient directly, but it’s also not blatantly against the rules. Sure, it might mean a little more work for him, but if it means he can get this little girl home sooner on Christmas Eve, it’s worth it.

He smiles at the little girl. “Ivy, I’m Doctor Mellark. I’m going to help make you feel better, okay?” She nods once but doesn’t lift her head from her mother’s shoulder. Peeta’s arm sweeps to the side, ushering the young mother and Ivy past the desk. He scans the hallway and spies a partially drawn curtain halfway up the corridor. He leads them to the available partition and close the curtain behind them. As he turns to face them, he nearly slams into the woman. She hasn’t moved, and her luminous grey eyes fasten to his. She looks as if she’s going to say something, but several seconds pass and she’s still quiet, still watching him. The silence starts to become uncomfortable. Peeta clears his throat.  

“If you’d have a seat, please, Mrs. Hawthorne. You can hold her while I get some more information from you.” 

The young woman’s lips part slightly, again appearing as if she wants to say something, but instead she shuffles forward and Peeta waits while she settles on the edge of the hospital bed, gingerly adjusting Ivy so she’s sitting sideways across her mother’s lap. 

Peeta sinks down onto the stool and scoots towards the edge of the bed. This close he has a much better look at Ivy’s mother. She really is a beautiful young woman, and given how adorable Ivy is Peeta assumes her husband is probably also very attractive. He feels a twinge of jealousy. Lucky bastard. Pretty wife, cute kid…probably has a nice little house and a golden retriever too. Living the dream. His dream, if he allows himself to admit it to anyone but his mother. If he was being perfectly honest, he had always envisioned himself married by now. 

“How old are you, Ivy?” he ask, even though he knows from her chart and her mother’s declaration that she’s three years old. She hesitates, and still clutching the stuffed cat, manages to display three fingers. Peeta smiles at her again.

“I have a nephew who is the exact same age as you are. He told me just last week that he’s a big boy now. Are you a big girl, Ivy?” He keeps his tone gentle, hoping it will put her at ease with him. She nods, her big blue eyes lightening imperceptibly. “I thought so. Can you be a big girl and tell me what happened to your arm?” 

Her mother answers automatically, “She fell. I was only gone—” Peeta holds up his palm. He has the triage nurse’s initial assessment, so he knows Ivy’s arm is likely broken. What he doesn’t know is how the arm got broken. And those details he needs to try to get from Ivy herself. Kids her age always tell the truth when it comes to how they were injured, and unfortunately it’s part of Peeta’s job to make sure there isn’t a more sinister reason she’s in the E.R. tonight, no matter how sweet and innocent her mother appears. He’s already had a few encounters with suspected child abuse, though his gut tells him that isn’t the case with Ivy Hawthorne.

“Please. I would like Ivy to tell me how it happened.” 

Something dangerous flints in Ivy’s mother’s now stormy grey eyes.

“She. Fell.” The words are curt, enunciated coolly, but her voice is soft and Peeta can tell she’s keeping her temper in check for the benefit of her daughter. Eyes still pinned to his, she inhales deeply. A second later, her shoulders relax. “Go ahead and tell the nice doctor how you hurt your arm,” she whispers, stroking Ivy’s curls. 

“I was trying to see Santa,” Ivy replies, her tongue tripping in a lisp on the “S’s.” 

“What do you mean by that?” he prompts her. 

Ivy scrunches up her button nose. “I was trying to see up the chimney. ‘Cause the chimney at Aunt Katniss’s house is so skinny and Santa Claus is real fat and I don’t know how he’s gonna fit down it to bring me my presents!” Her blue eyes brim with tears and her lower lip starts to tremble. Peeta reaches over and pats her knee. 

“I wouldn’t worry about that, sweetheart. Santa Claus is magic. He’ll get you your presents, no matter what the chimney looks like.” He exchanges a look with her mother. 

“It was all my fault,” she says quietly. “I went in the kitchen, to get the cookies and milk—”

“And the carrots! For Rudolph and the other reindeer!” Ivy chimes in, her eyes shiny wet. 

“I never should have left her alone, not even for a second. This is my fault. It’s my fault. She wouldn’t have slipped and fallen off the hearth if I had been watching her.” Guilt chokes her words, and it sounds as if she’s close to tears. 

“Accidents happen, Mrs. Hawthorne,” Peeta says empathetically, “that’s why there are emergency rooms.” She presses her lips together, her brows knitting.  

“It’s Everdeen,” she says quietly. Peeta drops his eyes to Ivy’s chart, and furrows his brows, his gaze wandering to the young woman’s left hand. No ring. A brief thrill curls through him at the thought that she’s single. Asshole, he immediately chides himself. So not what you should be thinking about right now. He scans the chart more carefully and shakes his head.

“I’m sorry,” he begins, “but this lists Primrose Hawthorne as the mother, under the Parent/Guardian information, and a Rory Hawthorne as the father. I just assumed—”

She cuts him off. “Primrose Hawthorne was her mother. But I’m not Primrose Hawthorne. I’m Katniss. Katniss Everdeen. I’m her aunt. I should be listed as her primary emergency contact.” She swallows and squeezes her eyes shut briefly. When she opens them, they plead with his. Peeta glances down at Ivy, and then raises his eyes to Katniss again. The guilt that was clouding those silver irises a moment ago has dissipated, replaced with anguish. He doesn’t know what the full story is here, but he didn’t miss Katniss’s usage of the past tense in referring to Ivy’s mother. So he honors her silent appeal not to ask questions.

“Okay, Ivy, you fell, and you landed on your arm? I bet that hurt,” Peeta says to the little girl, but his gaze stays fastens on Katniss. She gives him the faintest smile and mouths, “Thank you.”

~*~*~*~

An hour later, the orthopedist informs Peeta that Ivy Hawthorne is ready for his approval to be discharged. Not wanting to keep her and her aunt waiting any later than necessary, he sets down the X-ray he had been studying, and heads back to where Ivy is. 

Standing outside the curtain, he hears quiet singing. He draws back the curtain and sees Katniss seated on the bed, with Ivy nestled in her lap. A bright pink cast safely cocoons the girl’s arm. Her blonde head rests on Katniss’s shoulder. Her eyes are closed, and her little body rises and falls with the deep breathing of sleep. 

Katniss continues to sing, unaware of Peeta’s presence. He doesn’t recognize the tune she’s singing. It’s not a Christmas carol, at least not one he’s ever heard before, but he continues to listen, captivated by her voice. It’s soft and decidedly feminine, but there’s raspy undercurrent to it that gives him chills. It’s like the first sip of a rich, smoky bourbon.

Gingerly, he tiptoes towards the bed and stands before her for several more minutes, until Katniss finally lifts her eyes. She immediately stops singing. Peeta smiles and nods towards Ivy.

“Someone is worn out,” he whispers. Katniss’s lips twitch into a chagrinned smile. 

“I’m sure the second we get home she’ll be wide awake and it’ll take forever to get her into bed. She was already amped up about Santa Claus before this.” She tips her head and gestures with her chin towards Ivy’s arm. 

“Warm milk. With a little bit of cinnamon,” he suggests. 

“Really?” Her eyes round. “Cinnamon? That really works?” Disbelief clouds her words. He shrugs sheepishly.

“I have no idea. No kids. And I’ve never had much trouble sleeping. I’m usually asleep the minute my head hits the pillow. But I’ve heard from a friend with a toddler that it does the trick.” He waits for her to say something—anything—in response, but she doesn’t. Her gaze is back on the sleeping toddler in her arms. 

Watching her stare tenderly at her niece causes something unexpected to claw at Peeta’s chest and he’s overwhelmed by a fierce compulsion to want to keep her here, to get to know more about her. It’s been a long time since he felt this kind of instant attraction to a woman. Why couldn’t he have met her under different circumstances? 

“Are we all done, doctor?” 

Peeta startles from his thoughts and offers Katniss an apologetic smile.

“Yes, sorry. You are good to go as soon as you sign here—” He holds the clipboard at an angle, to allow her to sign without having to disturb Ivy, “and here.” He flips the sheet back to the second page and she scrawls her name across the line there, too. Normally a nurse would go over discharge papers and protocol with patients, but Peeta had taken it upon himself to grab Ivy’s. He needed to spend every possible minute in Katniss’s presence. 

Once the release forms are complete, he review the plan for Ivy’s follow-up care, including how to manage any pain she has and when she’ll need to return to have the cast removed. Katniss listens attentively. 

When he’s finished, she stands up slowly, her movements tentative so as not to jostle Ivy. A sigh parts the little girl’s lips and she stirs, but she remains asleep. God, she’s cute, Peeta thinks. 

“Thank you, Dr. Mellark,” Katniss says softly. “For everything. I know what you did…” She falters. “I mean, I know we, ah, weren’t next, and ah…” Peeta waves a hand dismissively, sensing her discomfort with his hijacking of the queued patients.  

“It was my pleasure,” he replies. “Little girls should be home on Christmas Eve. Waiting for Santa.” He echoes Katniss’s earlier words. “I hope he’s good to her.” 

He doesn’t miss the forlorn expression that flits across Katniss’s face as she glances down at her sleeping niece. 

“He can’t bring her what she wants most, but he’ll try,” she murmurs and moves towards the open curtain. Just before she steps out into the hall, she pauses and turns to face Peeta.

“Merry Christmas,” she adds.  

“Merry Christmas,” he concurs. With a faint smile, she steps around the curtain. It rustles in her wake and resettles. Peeta exhales and slumps against the wall, regret washing through him, followed by a stronger wave of sadness at seeing Katniss go. If it hadn’t been for Ivy, he might have concocted some kind of delay to keep Katniss here longer, found some excuse to pry more information out of her. Like if she’s single. A surge of adrenaline spikes in his blood. He can’t let her go this easily.

He bolts out into the corridor, scanning the bustling hallway for any sign of Katniss and Ivy, but they’ve vanished. Disappointed, his shoulders slump as he trudges towards the nurses’ station to hand off Ivy’s file. 

It’s probably best, a nagging little voice inside him taunts, and he reluctantly concedes that it probably is. As much as he’d love to finally shut his mother up and find a woman that he’d want to spend more than a night with, it’s not fair to subject one to the kind of schedule he has to keep. New doctors are low-man-on-the-totem-pole. He’s had mostly graveyard shifts and he’s often on call. It’s his dream to have a pediatric practice, but he’s well aware that he’ll have to toil for a couple of years to get on track to make that dream a reality. 

A few minutes later, en route to his next examination, Peeta spies Johanna, one of the triage nurses, coming out of the room Ivy had occupied. His eyes immediately narrow when his gaze lands on her left arm.

“Was that in there?” He motions towards the vacated room and then nods towards the stuffed cat Johanna has wedged under her armpit. 

“What, the cat? Yeah. It must have fallen under the bed. I’ll take it to the station, in case someone comes back to claim it.” 

Ivy’s cherubic little face flashes in Peeta’s mind. He remember how fiercely she had been clutching that cat, and how she had reluctantly agreed to put it down when it had been time for Delly, another one of the triage nurses, to take her for X-rays. 

Peeta’s pulse quickens and he immediately thrusts his hand towards Johanna. “I’ll take it,” he says impulsively. She wrinkles her nose and cocks her head, her hazel eyes intensely scrutinizing him. Though they have a casual friendship, Johanna is far too insightful for her own good. Peeta doesn’t really need her questioning his motives for taking possession of the toy. 

“The little girl it belongs to goes to preschool with Max. I’ll make sure he takes it to her after the holiday break.” Fuck, that lie flew off his tongue so easily he almost believes it himself. Johanna shrugs and tosses Peeta the cat. 

“Suit yourself. One less thing to overflow the Lost and Found.” She strides past him and disappears into Triage 6. He stares down at the stuffed animal. His heart skips another beat and a slow smile tugs at his mouth. 

~*~*~*~

Stifling another yawn, Peeta squints at the numbers above the garage. He’s definitely in the right place. He kills the engine and sits for a moment, glancing at the clock on the navigation system. It’s quarter after nine. Early, but not obscenely so. When his shift had ended at six am, he had driven home and fought the urge to crawl into bed; instead, he grabbed a quick shower and freshened up. True, part of him hadn’t wanted to see Katniss Everdeen again looking like the bedraggled, exhausted mess he was at the end of a rotation, and also true, he was going to have to clean up before he’s due at his parents’ house at one. But he also knew he couldn’t really have shown up at Katniss’s house at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning, even if he suspects Ivy likely had her up by then. He recalls, with a wistful smile, that Christmas morning was the one morning he and his brothers were always awake before his father. It was only a question of which Mellark brother was going to be the first to rouse the others. Him being the youngest, it was usually him, he admits with a wider grin.

He quietly exits his car, careful not to slam the door, and gingerly steps across the icy driveway. He pauses at the un-shoveled front walk, where a pristine blanket of snow blocks his path. “Shit,” he whispers, gritting his teeth as he takes the first step. His foot plunges into the deep drift, up to nearly his calf. He braces himself and takes a huge step, hoping to eat up the distance in a few long strides. Fortunately, it’s not a long front walk. He reaches the also un-shoveled front steps and carefully ascends them. He contemplates ringing the doorbell, but instead raps his knuckles against the door. His breath pipes out in white plumes and he rubs his palms together for warmth as he waits. 

No one comes to the door, at least not immediately. Peeta lifts his fist again, but just before his knuckles can connect with the wood again, the front door opens a crack and he’s suddenly looking at Katniss. Those silver eyes round almost comically as recognition lights them. 

“D-Doctor Mellark? Wh-what are you….”  

“Hi. Merry Christmas,” he begins. “I thought Ivy would be missing this.” He smiles and holds up the stuffed cat. 

Katniss stares at him, her lips parting faintly, and shock and confusion war on her pretty face. But then her grey eyes darken with what Peeta can only describe as restrained fury. 

She opens the door fully and glares at him.  

“You had Ivy’s cat?” she accuses. 

“Uh…yeah…” he stammers, his own confusion welling. Why is she so angry? “My nephew…he has a bear. Otis. Can’t sleep without that thing. I thought if Ivy is anything like Max…well, she’d be missing this.” He holds the cat out to Katniss. She snatches it so violently that she stumbles backwards. Peeta is equally jarred, but his jolt is from the very brief brush of Katniss’s fingers against his when she had grabbed the toy. 

But Katniss gives him no time to revel in the feeling.

“So this is why no one at the hospital had a goddamned clue what I was talking about when I called there looking for this cat an hour ago!” she spits. 

Shit, Peeta thinks, an uneasy feeling clawing its way into his gut. 

“Why the fuck—” He can’t help but notice her slight hesitation before she lobs the obscenity at him. “—would you take my niece’s cat? Is this something normal people do?” She’s shivering visibly as she rants, a clear consequence of stepping onto her front porch wearing nothing but green plaid pajama pants and a threadbare black Henley shirt.

“I….I…” He shakes his head. He’s not even sure how to defend his actions. He can’t very well tell her his ulterior motives in bringing the stuffed cat back to her niece. Not now. He definitely fucked this up.

“I was just trying to be nice. That I’d save you a trip on Christmas morning,” he finishes lamely. 

Katniss’s nostrils flare and her jaw flexes. “Christmas morning,” she mutters, just barely audible over the clattering of her teeth. “Did it occur to you, Dr. Mellark, that I might be looking for Ivy’s cat and I might call the hospital looking for this cat?” She shakes the toy in his face. “And did it occur to you that, in spite of all the toys she had just opened, Ivy might be bawling and throwing a fit because Buttercup was missing?”

Buttercup, he has to assume, is the stuffed cat.

She pauses, as if waiting for him to defend himself, but all he can do is swallow against the lump crowding his throat.

So she continues, “They made me think I was crazy—but not until after they left me on hold for 20 minutes while I tried to calm a wailing toddler. And then they said there was no toy matching this description in the Lost and Found. And that’s because you had it!” Her eyes are a maelstrom now, but he notices that an edge of frustration has crept into her furious tone. 

“And now Ivy doesn’t have it. So thank you. Thank you very much, Dr. Mellark. Merry Christmas.” And before Peeta can release the breath he’s been holding during her outburst and plead his case, she whirls around, her disheveled braid lancing through the air like a whip, and slams the door behind her. Stunned, Peeta can only stare at the wreath on the door as he processes what just happened.  

What. The. Fuck. 

Heart pounding, gut churning, Peeta retreats to his car. He takes a few minutes to absorb the shock of his encounter with Katniss, his mind reeling through the accusations she made. He never would have expected her to react like this. So much for any shot with Katniss Everdeen. 

He finally gathers his composure and navigates out of her complex. As he drives, his mind continues replaying Katniss’s words over and over, and he finds one thing nags at him. 

And now Ivy doesn’t have it.

Those words don’t make much sense to him. He just gave the stuffed animal back to Katniss. She can give it back to Ivy. She’ll have it now. In her wrath, Katniss just wasn’t being rational, he decides. 

But her words continue to haunt him off and on for the rest of the day. Along with persistent images of Katniss that further torment him. She is never far from his conscious thoughts. As he sits down next to the fireplace in his parents’ house with a tumbler of scotch to exchange gifts with his brothers and his nephews, he finds himself wondering who Katniss is celebrating with. Ivy, obviously. But does she have other family? 

By the time the Mellarks all settle around the table for dinner, he’s conjured up the notion that Katniss may not be married, but she surely has a devoted boyfriend who is showering her with gifts at this very moment. Her mood is infinitely better than what Peeta witnessed earlier. She’s probably dressed nice for him, and he’s sitting around her dining room table with Katniss and Ivy, like a makeshift family.

His mother’s irritation is palpable when she has to command his attention twice to try and draw him into the discussion centered on Rye’s upcoming wedding. Peeta murmurs the apology he knows she expects and feigns his dutiful brotherly interest for Rye’s benefit the remainder of the meal. But a dull ache has taken up residence in the center of his chest and he realizes just how badly he wants what his brothers have. 

He just won’t be having it with Katniss Everdeen.

[writesowhatnext]

annoying? yes. boring? never. // james potter

Summary: James’ best friend has always been a muggle and, despite what everyone thought, they were just that; friends. Right?

Request: Hello there! If you write for James Potter, would you mind writing for him with the cliche prompts 'there’s people chasing us and I pulled you into the alley with me and wow you’re close', 'blurting out a confession of love' and 'I’ve been in love with you for years' Thank you very much!!!

A/N: I fucking love this oml thanks for this request it’s literally made my week

Reader: female

Warnings: swearing, a mean boy, fist-fight?

At ten years old, James Potter had been pampered for a whole decade. His parents, who loved him a great deal, gave him everything he could ever wish for and more. So, when he came home one day after school with a friend, they did their best to accommodate, despite the fact that said friend was a muggle. Even at ten years old, you knew something was wrong with the Potter household. Some things moved if you looked at them for too long and you swore the eyes in the paintings followed you. Being a particularly bold and shameless child, you decided to ask James just why his house felt like it held its breath every time you came over. Being a particularly bold and shameless child himself, he told you that his family were wizards. From there began a very lovely friendship.

You spent every day at the Potters after that and whilst his parents made a habit to not parade magic around in front of you, James would often tell you magical stories about elves and wands and sweets and broomsticks. Most of all, he told you about Hogwarts.

“I’ve never been,” he said, lying on his stomach facing you as you lay on your back on the carpet of his massive bedroom. “But I’ve heard it’s amazing. It’s a massive castle and you’re put into four houses-“

“Houses?” you asked, sitting up and wiping dirt off your arm; you’d been playing in his garden all afternoon.

“Yes! Everyone is put into a house that’s most like them-“

“Like when we picked what Jungle Book characters we would be?”

“Exactly!” he smiled; glad he’d made a friend that understood him so well.

The week before he left for Hogwarts was one of the most bittersweet weeks of your life. You were excited for James and, thanks to a good word from the Potters to your parents, you could spend the whole week with him, but you were devastated that your best friend would be leaving you for a magical place you could never go to, to make friends you could never dream of.

“James,” you started, turning to face him. You were both lying on his floor, feet up against the wall with the Beatles playing in the background from his record player. “You won’t forget me at Hogwarts, will you?”

“Crikey, Y/N,” he turned to you, nudging your shoulder. “If it was that easy to get rid of you, I would’ve done it ages ago.”

He laughed at your gasp of mock offence, his guffaws only growing louder as you pushed him over and began to wrestle.

The first year without James was hard for you. At a new school, having to make all new friends with the knowledge that whilst you were doing maths and biology, he was learning about magical creatures and ridiculous spells, you struggled. It did help, though, that you received a letter from James almost daily. You weren’t sure how they got to you but once or twice you saw a strange looking bird fly away when you found them. His letters were full of his adventures and excited for you to meet his friends, he’d described them in detail which, although lame, you found very endearing. You were glad he hadn’t forgotten about you.

You were surprised that his parents hadn’t either. You got a call from Euphemia Potter on your family home phone around June time. She’d asked whether you were at school the next Thursday; you were, but she didn’t need to know that. And so, on that Thursday, you went with the Potters to Kings Cross station and waited for James to appear at platform number nine and three quarters. The whole journey there, they told you how much you’d grown since they last saw you and you didn’t understand what they meant until you saw James. He’d stayed at Hogwarts for Christmas and so you hadn’t seen him for nine months when he appeared with a trolley of bags, dressed in strange robes. He looked so different. He was taller now and his hair was much scruffier. You thought it suited him.

You’d never been so excited to see someone and you were pleasantly surprised that the feeling was mutual as you raced to hug each other. You spent most of the summer together, making up for lost time. He told you all about his lessons and teachers and how he and his friends would play pranks constantly.

“I’m shocked that you have friends.” You remarked, helping him put posters of Bob Dylan and Buddy Holly on his walls. You were very glad that he was being cultured on the taste of the time despite the whole wizarding boarding school thing.

“Now that’s just cold.”

You laughed at his wounded expression.

“Go on, tell me about Serious and Remy.”

“It’s Sirius and Remus, you know that. And Peter, too.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you said, smiling so he knew you were only messing with him. “Strange names your lot have.”

Despite how much he wanted to tell you about his adventures, he always asked about how you were doing and what life was like at home. It was sweet, you thought, that he wanted to hear about your life. You told him about new friends you’d made and about how boring the lessons could be, fully aware that listening to someone talk about them would be just as dreadfully tedious as actually going. It didn’t matter, though, because for a whole summer you had your best friend back and life had never better. You tried not to think about how in September, he would just disappear again and you’d be left with another nine months without your favourite person.

The next months went by extortionately slowly and whilst you tried to be happy around your friends, nothing felt right without James. When you got a letter from him in the middle of English class, an owl, of all things, tapping at the window, you were beyond excited to hear that he would be coming back home the next week for summer. He said he was bringing his friend Sirius because his parents weren’t the nicest and whilst you were excited, you couldn’t help but feel nervous about meeting his friend – what would happen if he didn’t like you? You had to wait till the weekend to see him; your mum had found out about your ditching school last time and forced you to go in until the school finished for summer. On that Saturday morning, you all but ran to James’ house, hammering on the door in excitement.

When James opened the door, an ear-splitting grin on his face, you were surprised to see how much he’d grown in four months. He was taller, again, and he looked nice, a thought that repulsed you in a way. Heat rushed to your cheeks at your thoughts – this was James, your best friend, you didn’t see him like that. He didn’t even say hello before he pulled you inside and hugged you like there was no tomorrow. The hug didn’t help how flustered you were, his warm arms surrounding you tightly, but it was long overdue.

“So, this is the infamous Y/N.”

When you pulled away to find the source of the noise, you saw a tall boy with long dark hair and mischievous eyes.

“Does he talk about me?” you asked, elbowing James in the side before offering your hand to Sirius. The idea that James talked about you made you strangely happy.

“Does he ever shut up about you?”

James spent the next few days partially regretting combining the two greatest forces in his life. You and Sirius teamed up constantly to tease James, often sharing stories about how ridiculously headstrong he could be. Though he should’ve been mad, he enjoyed his best friends getting along immensely and something about seeing you and Sirius at the same time made something within him feel right.

“Has he told you about Lily?” Sirius asked, lying across James’ bed whilst you and James sat on the floor, staring at a chessboard. He said he needed the practice for something or other.

“Who’s Lily?”

You looked up at James to see him blushing and a strange discomfort came over you. You tried to convince yourself you weren’t jealous.

“She’s this Gryffindor girl-“

“Your house?” you asked, knocking over one of James’ bishops with a less gleeful grin than you had before. “Lions and stuff.”

“A perfect description.” James teased, earning him a flick in the forehead. He frowned at you, pushing his glasses up.

“Exactly.” Sirius smirked, resting his chin on his hand. “I think James here might be in love with her.”

“Oh really?” you asked, trying to fill your voice with as much curiosity as you could; you didn’t have the stomach for it, though. “Checkmate.”

You didn’t notice the sly smirk Sirius sent your way at your response, too busy looking at James, whose reaction to losing was, as always, piss poor.

They spent the rest of the holiday trying to teach you Quidditch which, as imagined, was hard with only a football and some sticks. You enjoyed yourself, though, and spending time with James and Sirius was so much fun. You began to understand the general idea of the game eventually, and James loved to see you pretend to fly on a stick as you threw the football at Sirius.

“You’d make a great beater.” He said over dinner, cutting into his food.

“Of course, I would.” You replied, earning a snort from Sirius.

“You’d probably make a better chaser than James, too.”

“Oi!” James flicked a pea over the table, earning a half-hearted scolding from his Father and a kick under the table from Sirius’ rather heavy boots.

“You should come around for dinner tomorrow, love, too.” Euphemia said as you stood at the door, ready to leave. James didn’t miss your apologetic expression.

“Sorry, Mrs Potter, my Mum wants me doing schoolwork tomorrow.”

“We’re going back to Hogwarts the next day, I won’t see you.” James said, pouting. You would’ve teased him but you felt the same; saying goodbye to James was always your least favourite part.

“You’ll just have to write to me every day.” You hugged him, oblivious to the eyes watching both of you.

“Of course, I will.”

He didn’t. It was the first time since you met him that you’d gone more than two days without hearing from James. It had been six already and you were worried. Part of you, undeniably, was jealous; his last letter had been about asking Lily to go on a date with him. You knew you probably would’ve liked Lily. From the way Sirius described her, she was tough and smart and you suspected you would’ve been good friends if she didn’t have James wrapped around her little finger. With your life getting busier with exams and school, and friends, you paid less attention to the fact that you hadn’t heard from James in months. It hurt, to say the least, to have your letters unanswered. You gave up sending them after a while, bored of only being hurt. You wanted to tell him that you’d been on your first date, if only to make him jealous for a moment before you told him about how awful it had been. You wanted to tell him that you’d gotten first prize at a competition at school. You didn’t though, he didn’t want to hear it.

Just before Christmas, you sent Sirius a letter. You felt desperate but you just needed to check that James was alright. A sick part of you hoped he wasn’t so you would feel less bad about him forgetting about you. To your surprise, Sirius replied in just four hours. How his owl flew that far, you had no idea, but you were grateful for any form of reply. The letter was short and blunt but quite kind, which you were grateful for. He said that James was busy with trying to get Lily to fancy him, an actually important issue with Remus and trying not to get kicked out of school. Though it hurt, you were pleased to know anything happening in his life. Sirius also said he was surprised James hadn’t replied to you, because he still talked about you non-stop. You figured that was Sirius lying for the sake of your feelings. You sent him a shorter letter back, thanking him, and then decided you got out of the habit of writing letters.

It was boxing day when someone knocked at your door like a man deranged. When you saw James standing there, on the verge of tears, the coldness in your heart that he’d caused thawed instantly and you beckoned him up to your room, despite your parents’ protests.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to ignore you, I swear, I just-“

You wrapped an arm around him as he cried. He took his glasses, off, rubbing tears from his eyes with his hand.

“I couldn’t tell you about Remus and that’s all I’ve thought about and there was nothing else to say- I couldn’t write, I couldn’t bring myself-”

“It’s okay, James, it’s okay. Go on, you can tell me, what’s wrong with Remus?” you asked, pushing his head under your chin to hold him closer. 

That night, he told you everything. Between sobs, he told you how worried he was for Remus when he turned (you were mentally trying to cope with the idea that werewolves exist), how his friends had turned into animals to protect him. Most of it went over your head, but you tried to listen for his sake. When he went back to Hogwarts that January, he wrote to you every single day without fail, sometimes twice if he had the time. Somehow, along the way, you felt like you had your James back – the same James but with very different feelings.

By the time summer rolled around, you were doing everything you could to take your mind off of him. You even started flirting with a boy to try to convince yourself you didn’t like James, a fact that seemed more improbable when you considered you might actually love him. You didn’t know when his term ended, he hadn’t said, and so you made yourself busy until he arrived, unsure of how you would react to him given your newly discovered but ever-present feelings.

You stood next to the corner shop, not having that much fun when he appeared. You were standing next to the boy you’d been flirting with and a couple of his friends. They’d been making jokes about something or other – you weren’t listening at all, even less so, when a familiar voice called your name.

“Oi! Y/N!”

You turned around to see James Potter, impossibly taller and more handsome and more James-like than you’d ever seen him.

“You alright, Potter?” you shouted, grinning as he came closer. You went to greet him but the boy next to you, jealous as anything, stepped in front of you.

“Who the fuck are you?” he said, trying to square up despite being dramatically shorter. At first, James didn’t reply. He just looked over the boy’s shoulder at you. You shrugged, frowning.

“My name’s James. I’d like to talk to Y/N, please.”

“My name’s James.” They mimicked in high pitched voices. You rolled your eyes.

“Alright, I’m leaving.” You went to leave when the boy opposite James grabbed your arm.

“Let me go.”

He didn’t.  So, with a sharp exhale, you drew your other arm back and punched him square in the jaw. A bark of laughter escaped James’ lips before you realised that three rather angry looking boys were staring at you both, one with a bruised jawline. James grabbed your hand and you ran.

You barely saw the alley but you guessed that was the idea as James pulled you in after him. Your back hit the wall and suddenly he was very, very close and you were both breathing heavily from the running. He hadn’t realised how wide the alley was until you were centimetres from him. That was, to say, not that wide. You barely noticed the boys run past, completely missing your hiding space.

“Why were you hanging around those muppets?” he asked, noticing how pretty your eyes were up close.

“My muppet left to go to a magical school for tweens – needed a replacement, didn’t I?”

“You’re so mean-“

“Am I so mean?”

“Yeah, you’re always rude to me-“

“Well maybe if you weren’t so-“

“I’m pretty sure I’m completely in love with you.”

You swallowed your words in surprise at his confession.

“I’ve been in love with you for years and I never realised.” He continued as if saying it out loud gave truth to something he’d known all along. “And I think you punching that guy in the face was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen some pretty magical shit.”

You nodded, a small smile making its way onto your face. The blooming feeling in your chest wouldn’t go away; it only worsened when he smiled. It was a familiar smile, a smile that reminded you of home more than anything else could.

“See?” you said softly, biting your top lip. “I might be a muddle but I’m not too boring.”

“Muggle.”

“What did you just call me?”

As if that were the most perfect thing you could’ve said he tipped his head to the side and looked at you. His hand lifted to tuck your hair behind your ear.

“You have never ever been boring.”

And with that, he leant forward and kissed you. You tipped your head against the brick wall, grateful that you had a best friend as stupid as him.

[hanbintms]

            it  is  eye  ,  kofi  ,  back  on  your  dash  with  my  newest  child  !  as  a  reminder  :  i’m  twenty4  ,  prefer  she / her  or  they / them  pronouns  ,  and  i  reside  in  the  est  timezone  !  the  muse  that  i  have  flowing  for  hanbin  is  truly  unmatched  even  though  i  literally  came  up  with  him  within  like  . . .  three  hours  ,  no  kidding  .  that  being  said  ,  he’s  a  brand  new  muse  and  i  can’t  wait  to  plot  with  everyone  once  again  (  or  for  the  first  time  !  )  i  won’t  talk  your  ears  off  as  i  know  this  intro  might  get  a  little  long  ,  but  aside  from  that  ,  can’t  wait  to  write  hanbin  with  ya’ll  !

            (  SONG  KANG , THIRTY , CIS  MAN , HE / HIM  )  *  hey  ,  i’m  looking  for  the  office  of  HANBIN  KOO  .  they’re  the  EMPLOYEE  /  IN - HOUSE  CHEF  who’s  known  around  the  office  as  THE  EPICURE  ,  if  that  helps  ?  not  to  be  a  gossip  ,  but  i’ve  heard  that  they’re  AFFABLE  but  UNCOUTH  ,  is  that  true  ?  i  also  heard  that  they’re  the  one  who  THREW  ICED  TEA  AT  HIS  EX  IN  THE  LOBBY  .  anyways  ,  here’s  the  coffee  they  ordered  .

statistics.

            name  :  koo  hanbin  .  nicknames  :  han  ,  hannie  ,  hanbinie  ,  +  binnie  .  age  +  date  of  birth  :  thirty  +  january  9th,  1991  .  zodiac  :  capricorn  .  moral  alignment  :  true  neutral  .  gender  +  pronouns  :  cis  man  +  he / him / his .  place  of  birth  :  busan  ,  south  korea  .  place  of  residence  :  west  village  ,  new  york  city  ,  new  york  .  orientation  :  bisexual  biromantic  .  occupation  :  in  house  chef  and  internet  personality  .  nationality  :  korean  (  holds  american  citizenship  )  .  ethnicity  :  korean  .  language(s)  spoken  :  korean  ,  english  ,  conversational  italian  ,  and  conversational  japanese  .

background.

            koo  hanbin’s  life  was  relatively  normal  when  he  was  born  .  his  mom  ,  koo  seonghwa  ,  worked  as  a  nurse  in  the  pediatric  department  of  a  local  hospital  in  busan  while  his  father  ,  koo  kyuchul  ,  was  an  office  worker  .  they  weren’t  the  richest  family  ,  nowhere  near  it  ,  but  the  koo  family  made  it  work  .  hanbin  has  more  memories  of  being  with  his  grandparents  more  often  than  his  parents  simply  because  of  their  demanding  careers ,  but  that’s  not  to  say  that  they  weren’t  loving  and  attentive  parents  when  they  had  time  to  be  with  their  only  son  .  

             however  ,  life  began  to  change  for  him  when  was  six  years  old  .  suddenly  ,  the  money  began  to  dwindle  as  quickly  as  it  was  brought  in  .  the  refrigerator  wasn’t  full  unless  seonghwa’s  mother  would  make  some  things  for  them  ,  and  kyuchul  was  coming  home  later  and  later  .  seonghwa  began  to  work  harder  in  an  attempt  to  break  even  ,  but  she  never  seemed  to  get  her  head  above  water  .  she’d  confront  her  husband  about  the  large  sums  of  money  that  would  disappear  from  their  account  ,  but  he  always  blamed  it  on  higher  bills  ,  raised  rent  ,  or  sudden  payments  that  he  had  to  make  .  it  never  made  any  sense  ,  but  seonghwa  started  a  separate  account  to  ensure  their  son  could  at  least  have  food  on  the  table  and  clothes  for  school  .

            the  next  couple  of  years  go  by  and  the  money  situation  worsens  ,  with  seonghwa  getting  to  her  wits  end  .  she  spends  more  time  with  hanbin  at  her  parents’  place  ,  sleeping  with  her  son  in  her  old  bedroom  and  hoping  he  doesn’t  hear  her  cry  at  night  .  she  struggles  to  understand  why  her  husband  is  keeping  secrets  from  her  ,  especially  as  they’ve  been  married  happily  for  the  last  eleven  years  ,  but  it  takes  some  tough  love  from  her  mother  to  get  seonghwa  to  pick  herself  up  .  so  ,  she  decides  to  confront  her  husband  one  night  when  she  finds  out  his  location  from  one  of  his  co - workers  ,  and  she’s  devastated  .  seonghwa  finds  kyuchul  with  a  younger  woman  ,  gambling  away  her  hard  earned  money  .  like  a  scene  out  of  a  drama  ,  seonghwa  kicks  her  husband  where  the  sun  doesn’t  shine  and  promptly  dragged  the  other  woman  outside  to  wack  her  upside  the  head  with  her  purse  .  seonghwa  was  hurt  ,  but  she  had  finally  gotten  answers  ,  and  she  wasn’t  going  to  be  embarrassed  like  this  ever  again  .

            so  ,  seonghwa  and  hanbin  permanently  move  in  with  her  parents  ,  and  it  takes  some  time  for  seonghwa  to  get  over  kyuchul  .  she  focuses  on  her  child  and  her  job  .  from  the  age  of  ten  ,  hanbin  began  spending  more  time  with  his  grandparents  in  their  small  ,  but  popular  barbecue  meat  restaurant  .  when  he  finishes  his  homework  ,  he  helps  his  grandparents  take  orders  ,  and  he  slowly  begins  to  work  the  kitchen  as  he  gets  older  .  his  grandparents  soon  leave  the  kitchen  work  to  him  as  they  get  up  in  age  ,  and  hanbin  runs  the  kitchen  as  if  he’d  been  doing  it  for  over  twenty  years  .  however  ,  when  he  graduates  from  high  school  ,  hanbin  decides  to  spread  his  wings  .  over  the  last  twelve  years  or  so  ,  hanbin  honed  his  cooking  skills  from  his  grandfather  and  spent  most  of  his  childhood  in  the  kitchen  ,  so  his  grandparents  passed  their  restaurant  down  to  seonghwa’s  brother  ,  and  hanbin  left  for  new  york  .

            eighteen  years  old  and  with  only  enough  money  to  get  a  small  sublet  ,  he  knew  he  needed  to  find  a  job  pronto  .  without  formal  kitchen  training  ,  hanbin  would  often  get  turned  away  from  jobs  (  because  he  was  better  than  a  busboy  !  )  and  eventually  ,  the  fates  was  on  his  side  .  he  forced  his  way  into  the  kitchen  of  a  popular  italian  restaurant  ,  immediately  snagging  the  title  of  junior  chef  .  hanbin  ,  a  fast  learner  with  even  faster  knife  skills  ,  easily  works  his  way  up  the  ranks  within  the  restaurant  .  within  six  years  ,  hanbin  becomes  head  chef  and  is  a  force  to  be  reckoned  with  in  the  kitchen  .  although  his  income  changes  significantly  ,  hanbin  starts  a  youtube  channel  in  hopes  of  sharing  his  love  for  food  and  cooking  .  within  a  year  ,  his  following  grows  substantially  ,  and  he’s  approached  to  broaden  his  efforts  by  working  at  masters  international  .

at masters.

hanbin  has  been  at  masters  for  five  years  .  he  started  working  here  after  his  youtube  channel  expanded  ,  and  he  was  approached  to  create  his  own  cooking  content  for  masters’  youtube  channel  .  

basically  ,  he  has  his  own  version  of  test  kitchen  ,  but  it’s  not  really  the  same  thing  .  he  makes  recipes  for  holidays  ,  celebrations  ,  and  is  constantly  showing  how  to  make  traditional  korean  dishes  (  would  not  be  surprised  if  he  has  a  ‘  cooking  with  my  mom  !  ’  type  series  )  .

gives  food  tips  too  like  which  wines  pair  best  with  certain  foods  or  how  to  make  the  most  out  of  your  first  hosting  gig  .  probably  has  a  video  where  he  shares  his  cooking  playlist  because  he  wants  you  to  get  in  the  mood  😌  .

probably  came  up  with  the  special  lunch  for  Daddy  Masters™  but  gets  ticked  when  he’s  asked  to  cook  it  because  does  that  man  know  a  schedule  ?  probably  not  .  [  ‘  we  were  on  a  break  !  ’  specifically  ,  hanbin2   was  on  his  lunch  break  .  ] 

is  it  true  that  he  threw  an  iced  tea  in  his  ex’s  face  ?  absolutely  ,  and  he  has  no  problem  admitting  it  lmao  .  who  was  said  ex  ?  i  guess  we’ll  never  know  [  this  a  number  one  champion  sound  ]  .

probably  well  received  around  the  office  but  i  wouldn’t  be  surprised  if  people  disliked  him  .  it  could  be  his  off  putting  persona  or  honestly  the  simple  fact  that  he’s  got  a  lot  of  sass  and  no  ass  .

headcanons.

you  can  read  a  full  list  of  headcanons  HERE  ;  below  is  an  abridged  version  .

has  a  gyeongsang  dialect  from  living  in  busan  ,  and  honestly  . . .  that’s  hot  .  so  ,  when  he  speaks  in  korean  it’s  rather  strong  and  aggressive  /  pitch  is  vastly  different  from  other  parts  of  korea  .  

i  literally  have  no  idea  how  to  explain  his  personality  other  than  by  using  his  moral  alignment  :  true  neutral  .  he’s  kinda  that  guy  who  knows  everything  but  won’t  tell  you  that  he  does  ?  did  he  eavesdrop  ?  maybe  ,  but  he  won’t  tell  you  that  .  he’s  largely  indifferent  to  a  lot  of  what  happens  around  masters  and  maybe  it’s  because  he’s  been  here  for  half  a  decade  ;  he’ll  just  make  sure  you  drink  water  if  you’re  drunk  and  crying  .

a  Dog  Father™  to  a  little  re:  big  goldendoodle  named  duri  .  he  is  most  definitely  judging  you  and  can  often  be  found  sunbathing  in  that  solarium  .  

a  very  simple  man  when  it  comes  to  his  coffee  :  caffè  americano  or  an  espresso  macchiato  please  .  and  don’t  forget  the  butter  croissant  !

mostly  expressionless  . . .  like  i  really  have  no  idea  how  to  explain  how  he  looks  at  people  because  i  feel  that  stoic  is  too  harsh  of  a  word  .  if  you  wanna  know  how  he  feels  though  ,  he  has  extremely  expressive  eyes  .

he  won’t  admit  it  but  he  loves  hosting  .  office  potluck  ?  he’s  your  guy  .  having  a  conference  ?  he’ll  make  your  snacks  .  if  you’re  coming  over  he’ll  make  a  charcuterie  board  and  will  lie  saying  he  made  it  with  some  stuff  he  had  on  hand  (  but  that’s  a  lie  ,  he  went  to  the  grocery  store  and  obsessed  over  it  for  a  solid  three  hours  )  .

finds  joy  in  the  mundane  .  some  people  might  think  he’s  weird  because  he  loves  grocery  shopping  ,  and  heavily  judges  people’s  carts  because  processed  food  ?  yuck  !  he  won’t  say  that  to  your  face  though  he’ll  just  be  like  ‘  are  you  sure  you  wanna  buy  that  ?  ’  and  will  sneakily  replace  your  frozen  pizza  with  pizza  ingredients  hehe  .

that  being  said  don’t  take  him  grocery  shopping  with  you  NFUDNSFDS  .  he  gets  ticked  about  food  waste  ,  and  those  who  don’t  use  reusable  bags  .   probably  has  a  lil  garden  at  his  place  and  composts  !  is  angry  about  people  calling  a  chunk  of  cauliflower  a  steak  (  in  other  words  ,  don’t  to  it  )  !

wanted connections.

DISCLAIMER  :  i  will  not  be  plotting  anything  romantic  with  characters  under  the  age  of  twenty - five  due  to  his  age  !

ONE  TRUE  LOVE  :  this  is  open  to  literally  anyone  ,  preferably  like  ,  28  to  30  but  we  can  talk  details  .  truly  ,  they’re  his  one  true  love  as  the  title  states  ,  and  i  like  to  believe  that  they  were  a  really  happy  couple  who  had  a  meet - cute  .  they  moved  in  together  and  things  were  great  ,  but  they  broke  up  when  they  felt  a  mutual  dissolve  in  their  relationship  .  that  being  said  ,  they’re  good  friends  now  !

BEST  FRIEND  :  who  wouldn’t  love  a  best  friend  .  basically  ,  they  get  along  well  ,  and  they  are  used  to  sung’s  non - verbal  communication  NVJCNXJV  .  it’d  be  really  fun  if  they  had  totally  different  personalities  but  somehow  they  managed  to  click  .  TAKEN  BY  GRIFFIN  OLSON  .

TASTE  TESTER  :  someone  who  he  calls  on  to  often  try  his  food  at  the  office  .  they  possibly  will  appear  in  his  videos  on  masters’  youtube  channel  ,  so  i  think  a  relationship  based  around  food  would  be  really  fun  !  TAKEN  BY  KENNEDY  CRAWFORD  /  SORAYA  HATHAWAY  .

HORN  DOGS  (  DEROGATORY  )  :  i  have  no  other  name  for  this  plot  but  i’m  thinking  two  people  who  cannot  keep  their  hands  off  of  one  another  .  i’m  talking  sneaky  touches  in  the  elevator  ,  secret  hook  ups  in  the  seventh  floor  bathroom  ,  quick  makeouts  and  nearly  getting  caught  .  bonus  points  if  people  around  the  office  don’t  believe  they’re  Banging™  because  their  personalities  are  so  different  .  

CRUSH  :  also  known  as  ,  someone  having  a  crush  on  him  ,  but  he  sees  them  as  a  friend  (  or  even  worse  ,  like  a  younger  sibling  )  .  TAKEN  BY  AYLIN  SAHIN  .

PLATONIC  SOULMATE  :  best  friends  ,  but  make  it  sentimental  .  they  are  thicker  than  thieves  ,  get  on  each  other’s  nerves  ,  but  they  don’t  know  what  they’d  do  without  the  other  .  finish  each  other’s  sentences  (  and  sandwiches  .  sung  will  finish  it  )  and  are  borderline  like  an  old  married  couple  with  the  way  they  act  .

that’s  all  i  got  now  but  i’ve  reblogged  some  posts  that  can  be  found  HERE  and  i’m  down  to  fill  any  wcs  that  you  may  have  as  well  !

[jalapeno-princess]

Hey Santa

Mark Tuan X Reader

Word Count: 2.8K

Genre: Fluffity fluff 

Summary: Christmas has always been your favorite holiday, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to be all that happy this year since your favorite person in the entire world is currently thousands of miles away on a business trip. However, Santa always seems to have a few tricks up his sleeve and this Christmas turns out not that bad after all.

The lights and festive decorations surrounded all throughout town were a constant reminder that Christmas was just around the corner—five days to be exact. As excited as you wish you could have been right now, especially because winter just so happened to be your favorite season and Christmas was your favorite holiday for many different reasons, you couldn’t find it in yourself to really get in to the Christmas spirit this year. 

If anything, you felt like the grinch. Witnessing how happy everyone you were surrounded by—your family, friends and colleagues did make you feel the least bit jealous. 

Just last year, you were the one trying to get everyone in to the Christmas spirit. You set up your Christmas tree in your apartment a week before Thanksgiving. You stayed up with your boyfriend Mark making dozens of different cookies to pass out, the two of you decorated the tree to the best of your abilities—or at least tried your best to. 

You’d cuddle up on the couch together watching a bunch of your favorite Christmas movies and hummed along to some of the best Christmas songs; new and old while washing dishes or doing the laundry. Last year had to be the best year, especially because it was your first Christmas together as a couple. 

He brought you to see the lights; something you’ve been indirectly hinting towards wanting to do, you brought him ice skating—one of the only activities you did better at than him, he invited you to go snowboarding and sledding with his family up in the mountains and on Christmas Day, he gave you the prettiest heart shaped necklace and told you he loved you for the first time after five months of dating. 

Maybe it was because you had the time of your life the previous year with the man you called your soulmate and now you were miserable and lonely. Mark was currently away on a business trip in Japan, trying to secure one of the biggest business deals that could bring his company a lot of success. 

You had a hard time understanding why his boss felt the need to send him just days away from Christmas but you didn’t want him knowing that it bothered you. Your boyfriend was one of the youngest department supervisors at one of the top technology companies in the country. 

Not only was he extremely intelligent; graduating with his master’s degree in business at only 24-years-old, but he was very passionate in his field of work and he did anything and everything in his power to help bring the company as much publicity and prosperity as he possibly could. You admired his work ethic and how determined he was to excel in his career, but you would have preferred for him to be with you right now. 

It was currently snowing in California and there was nothing more that you wanted than to be cuddled up in bed with Mark—a tangle of limbs underneath your blankets watching the snow fall against your window while drinking some hot chocolate and stealing sweet kisses from one another. 

If Mark were to come home and saw how dull and empty the current state your apartment had been because you had no desire to do anything merry—he would have been upset. He loved Christmas as much if not just a little bit more than you did—so you were sure he wouldn’t have been too happy if he found out you were having such a horrible time. 

On the day that he found out about his trip, he was visibly upset. He wasn’t as verbal as he was physical with you—clinging on to you like a sloth. Following you all around the apartment like a lost puppy and holding you in his embrace as you cooked dinner for the two of you. It was then—mid bite of his shrimp pasta—Mark admitted that he tried to prolong telling you about the trip because he knew you would be devastated. 

Honestly, that had to be the understatement of the year. You were heartbroken beyond belief. This year, your grandparents were flying down for your younger cousin’s graduation and it’s been at least two years since you’ve seen them, so you expected this holiday season to be one for the books. However, you didn’t take his absence so lightly. Your boyfriend has left on business trips multiple times for weeks and even months on end. 

Sure, you hated any moment spent without him by your side and talking to him through your phone and computer screens weren’t the same as having him there with you in person—but you did your best to be a supportive girlfriend by not showing an ounce of distress. It’s just that—Christmas came around once a year; you suffered through work and school; crying while staying up and studying for exams—being scolded at work for things that were out of your control. You waited all year for this one day and now it was ruined.

You hated the fact that you were acting so childish, there was nothing he could do. It wasn’t as if he could tell his higher ups that he didn’t want to go—no matter how much he didn’t want to. Mark even nonchalantly tried to reschedule the trip, but the director already purchased his ticket. 

He made it a habit to call you right before a meeting, before he went to bed, right before you went to sleep and when you woke up in the morning. Hearing that Japan was decked out in Christmas decorations and how even their food was festive made you wish you could have taken off from work to be there with him. You didn’t care where you ended up spending the holidays, all you cared about was who you spent it with and the only person whose presence you craved the most was more than 5,000 miles away and 19 hours ahead of you. 

Working at your family’s Christmas annual “Santa’s Workshop” that they held every year since before you were even born never failed to bring you so much joy. When your cousin was diagnosed with Leukemia when the two of you were only 6-years-old, your aunty decided after seeing all the children in the hospital not able to celebrate Christmas as they probably would have wanted to—that she would give them and their families a chance to have their own little private festival in one of the hospital ballrooms so that the kids could get a visit from Santa Claus along with toys that were donated from families all across of California. You loved being able to do something like this; you wanted to give back to the less fortunate and seeing the bright and hopeful smiles on all the adorable little children’s faces always seemed to make your heart flutter. 

How could you be so selfish—letting the fact that Mark wasn’t there with you get in the way of your happiness when there were little ones who were suffering through some really tough battles. But you were only human; you hardly ever got to see Mark as it was—and that said a lot considering that you lived together. His job took up most of his time and you did your best to hide the fact that being his second priority bothered you. 

Trying to take on more hours at work in order to take your mind off of the distance in your relationship wasn’t enough to cover up how much you were falling apart at the seams. Mark Tuan was the love of your life—your life revolved around him. He was genuinely the biggest blessing that you couldn’t even fathom in to words how grateful you were to be the lucky one who got to love him and was vehemently loved by him. You missed him even when you were with him. You felt pathetic—allowing someone to have this much power over you, but that just showed how much you loved him with your entire being.

As much as you would rather have been locked up in your room watching home alone reruns while stuffing your face—being dressed up as an elf and assisting the children as they made their way one by one on to Santa’s lap; telling him what they each wanted for Christmas wasn’t all too bad. It was actually the best thing to happen so far since December came around. You found yourself smiling every time one of the patients beamed up at Santa Claus. 

Honestly, nine hours went by faster than you would have expected it to. Observing the way the kids would grin in delight after receiving a present tugged on your heartstrings and opened your eyes to the idea that Christmas was so much more than asking for and getting all the items on your Christmas list. It was seeing these hopeful little faces gleam even for only a few moments. You might have missed your boyfriend dearly, but you knew he would make up for lost time once he finally arrived back like he always did. 

After the last child got a gift from Santa and made their way back to their hospital room, you and your cousins began to close up shop—turning off the lights on the tree, folding up some of the poster boards and just preparing everything for the next day when you heard someone gently whisper your name. 

You smiled softly at the older man; he was a friend of your uncle’s who has been dressing up as Santa for longer than you could remember. You made your way towards him and laughed softly to yourself when he patted his lap. 

“Do my old eyes deceive me or is your smile not as sincere as it usually is? what’s wrong y/n? you’re always so bright and cheery this time of year but these days, your excitement seems so forced.” 

Releasing a sad sigh, you were well aware you couldn’t lie to him; he already knew there was something bothering you so there was no point in hiding what was currently clouding your entire thought process. 

“You’re going to think it’s silly—“

“Your feelings aren’t silly y/n. You’re only human, it’s okay to be sad sometimes, even during the most wonderful time of the year. I’m sure you haven’t told anyone else what’s wrong, so why don’t you tell Santa? Maybe I have a gift for you that might uplift your spirits.” 

You were too busy staring at the ground in disappointment to notice the glint in his eye—but you didn’t want to keep him waiting. It was late, you were sure he wanted to go home just as much as you did, so you poured your heart out to the older man. 

“My boyfriend—he’s currently on a business trip in Japan and I just—I don’t know, I miss him dearly and I just wish he could have been home for the holidays and now I feel like a grumpy little scrooge.” 

He laughed lightly while gently squeezing your arms as a way to comfort you. Admitting it out loud sounded so pathetic but it also made you feel lighter in a way. Telling someone else of your problems felt good; it took a huge weight off of your shoulders, but it didn’t feel the void Mark always seemed to cause whenever he had to leave. 

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with moping around because of that. The holiday season is the time you want to spend with your loved ones the most. Your parents told me about him a few months ago—Mark is it? He sounds like a really great guy and your mom seems impatient waiting for the two of you to get married. I’m sorry about the unfortunate situation y/n, but just think about it this way, you’ll have many, many more Christmases to spend with him. Don’t let this one circumstance ruin the way you look at this glorious wintertime. If you’ll excuse me, I have to use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” 

He was right; it has only been almost two years since you and Mark began dating, but you knew he was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. You sat there for a few minutes, looking at your phone to see if Mark had gotten in contact with you and you let out a sad sigh when you realized there was nothing. He did say he had meetings to attend the entire day—so you understood that he was probably busy, but it didn’t make you feel all that much better. 

Finally, you could see in your peripheral vision that the older man arrived back and motioned for you to get up before sitting back down and had you take your spot back on his knee. 

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before—I love that man with every single breath that I take. Waking up next to him—feeling his heartbeat against mine, I can’t explain how exuberant he makes me feel. Every time we’re together, it’s like we’re in our own little worlds. He’s been so busy these days and sometimes I feel as though I’m a burden to him. I’m sure he’s probably exhausted after coming home from work, but he never fails to do whatever it is that I want to do together just to make me smile. I want nothing more to marry him one day—maybe I should fly up to Japan and surprise him—“

“I don’t think that would be the best idea right now.” 

You frowned at his words; wasn’t he encouraging you earlier to try and make the best of the next two weeks until the new year? What made him change his mind in the few minutes while he was away? Before you could ask him about what he could have meant, he wrapped his hands around your waist and placed his chin on top of your shoulder. 

You were surprised at the sudden movement—you didn’t want to seem rude and push him away because you were now feeling uncomfortable, but you didn’t know how to feel. However, before you could say or do anything, he brought his mouth up to your ear and whispered softly before placing a gentle kiss right below your ear. 

“If you go to Japan, then we won’t be able to celebrate the holidays together babe.” 

Your eyes widened in shock—how could you not differentiate between the two voices? Maybe you were too deep in your self pity to notice—but you flung your arms around his neck and smashed your lips against his. Your boyfriend smiled against your mouth and depend the kiss as his hands made their way down to your lower back. 

“Mark you ass! I was about ready to sock a family friend in the face, why didn’t you tell me you were coming home? You knew how miserable I’ve been—“ 

He stole a wet kiss from the corner of your mouth; his way to silence you before playfully squeezing one of your thighs. 

“I’ve been just as miserable baby. I’m sorry, I was actually debating on whether or not I should tell you—but your mom told me that it would be a lot more fun if I surprised you. You’re well aware that I can’t keep secrets for shit. I almost blurted it out last night when you told me how rough your day was. None of that matters though—I’m here now and I have a lot planned for us. I’ve missed you so fucking much baby. Don’t get me wrong, Japan is such an amazing country—but fuck, I feel so numb when you’re not by my side. By the way, I feel the same exact way about you y/n. You’re my entire world. I love you so—so very much. I don’t think there’s enough words in the English dictionary to form a sentence perfect enough to describe what it is that I feel for you. I’m sorry—so fucking sorry that you think my job means more to me than you do. Nothing in this entire world means even half as much to me as you do. I’m at fault for making it seem that way, but I plan on spending the rest of my life showing you and telling you otherwise. Now, there are a few mistletoes that have our names on it—why don’t you let me make up for not being around as much as I should. This Christmas will be a lot more astounding, that’s a promise.” 

He reconnected your lips together, not being able to stay away from your lips for too long. You really did miss this. Being held by him, feeling him lick on your bottom lip—nonverbally asking for entrance, having him run his fingers through your hair. Mark was your home—you always felt so safe in his arms and God, you’ve been homesick for quite some time. After a couple minutes of fervently making out, you grabbed at his hand and pulled him up with you—laughing at how the santa suit he was currently wearing practically swallowed his silhouette. 

“You’re such an adorable Santa Clause.” 

He playfully rolled his eyes at your comment as you led him to the back in order to get your things. Mark made sure you weren’t paying attention as he tapped on his leg to make sure the velvet box was still safely in his pocket. If you thought his early arrival home was already quite the surprise, he couldn’t wait to see the look on your face when he were to pop the question he’s been wanting to ask you from the beginning of your relationship. This Christmas was definitely going to be one for the books, and he couldn’t wait.

[eleanorbloom]

When You’re Ready Ch. 17

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f! MC (Eleanor Bloom) x Ethan Ramsey.

Word Count: 6.6k  (Am I sorry? Absolutely not.)

Warnings: Angst and cussing.

Taglist @utterlyinevitable​ @binny1985​ @shanzay44​ @choicesficwriterscreations​ @laiba-the-person​ @starrystarrytrouble​ @lahellacute​ @lucy-268​  @cinnamonspongecake​ @romewritingshop​ @bratzlahela​ @mrs-raleighcarrera​​   @mercury84choices​  @curiousconch​

Chapter 17: Truly, Madly, Deeply.

I'll love you more with every breath Truly, madly, deeply do I will be strong I will be faithful 'Cause I'm counting on A new beginning A reason for living A deeper meaning, yeah

 “I’m an asshole.”

Aurora stared at Bryce leaning against the wall with his face buried in his forearm and his shoulders slumped. Defeated. Ashamed. Mortified.

“Bryce, if I told you this is not to make you feel worse than you already feel, it’s because you had understandable reasons to be mad. This whole situation between Eleanor and Ethan is… complicated and adding the information Elijah gave it to you only made things worse.”

Bryce stood straight and faced his friend, his eyes glistening.

“Understandable reasons. Thinking that Eleanor slept with Ramsey and she would dump me it’s an understandable reason to ignore her even if she had never given me any reasons to distrust her? I think not. It’s awful.”

His voice was full of regret and desperation, and even if seeing Bryce like that was painful for her, she didn’t regret her decision.

“You got caught in a misunderstanding. I bet you thought the worst because you’re afraid and that’s understandable. Now you know the truth and you can move on.”

“Move on?—He turned around and started pacing around the hallway trying to contain his anger.—"How can I move on if I know the last three days could’ve been so much different and I…”

“Bryce, stop there.”—Aurora snapped, serious. —"You have to stop wallowing in what-ifs and should’ves right now, because is not going to lead you anywhere, and is not going to help Eleanor either. She needs you. You’re the person she needs the most now, so you have to be in your best shape and mood to help her. Your feelings are important, but right now you have to focus on her.”

Bryce stopped in the middle of the hallway and sighed loudly, then he nodded and looked up at Aurora.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m not usually like this, I don’t lose control this easily, it’s just…”

It’s just that he couldn’t imagine a life without Eleanor, and he couldn't live with the fact that he could've held her, and kiss her, and love her the last three days but he didn't because he was blind and scared.

His breath started raging and he winced, trying to contain the emotions that were overwhelming him. The idea of losing her was becoming more palpable than ever.

“It’s okay, Bryce. You love her, she’s your girlfriend, I’d be more worried if you hadn’t lost your shit by now. Come here.”

Aurora pulled him into a hug, and he wrapped her instantly as if holding her was like clinging to the last drop of sanity he had left.

Guilt had always been his weak spot. He learned it when he left Keiki in Maui and never came back, and to this day he was still dealing with the consequences and trying to make up for the lost time.  

And now he was dealing with another kind of guilt, and facing death was making everything worse. The effects were instant, devastating, and maddening.

After a minute of herculean effort to not crying his soul out, Bryce pulled away from Aurora, feeling more serene and like a lot of weight had been taken off his shoulders.  

“Thank you, Aurora.”—He muttered, staring deeply at her chocolate eyes, trying to convey his feelings.— “You’re an amazing friend.”

If it wasn’t for her, Bryce would’ve drowned in guilt, shame, and self-loathing to a depth so dangerous, it would've taken an impossible effort to come afloat by himself.

Aurora smiled at him and shook him by the shoulders.

“Anytime you need, I’ll be there for you. You’re not alone.”

“Likewise.”

“Dr. Lahela?”

Bryce turned around and found a nurse a few feet away, looking at them cautiously, almost sorry for interrupting the intimate moment.  

“Yes, Marlene?”

“I’ve been trying to contact Eleanor’s family for a couple of hours, but no success. Dr. Ramsey told me you probably have an alternative number? Or maybe you could have access to Eleanor’s phone so we could get another number?”

“And what numbers do you have?”

“Her family emergency contact was her mom’s cellphone and a landline in Cincinnati.”

“And none of them works?”

“The cellphone is out of service, and no one answers in her house.”

Bryce frowned, thoughtful, and after a few seconds, he nodded.

“Oh. Of course. Eleanor’s parents aren’t in the city. They went to Chile to spend the national holidays with her mom’s family. We should try with her brother, he’s in college in Michigan. Where’s Eleanor’s phone?”

“It’s at the Diagnostics Office, with the rest of her belongings.”

Bryce and Aurora entered the empty office. In the center of the round table was a plastic bag with Eleanor’s clothes, shoes, and her phone. Bryce grabbed her phone and unlocked it with his fingerprint without a moment's hesitation.

Aurora chuckled without hiding the surprise in her eyes.

“What?”

“One thing is knowing her password, but adding your fingerprint?”

“It’s faster when you wanna put a song on Spotify.—He shrugged with a nonchalant expression on his face.—"She has access to mine too.”

Aurora and Marlene shared a knowing smile, but he didn’t notice it.              

Bryce scrolled through Eleanor’s contacts list. When he found “Benja”, he dialed instantly. After several rings, a whispering voice was heard on the other side of the line.

“Hello? Andrew? I’m in class right now.”

“Um, hello Benjamin, this is Bryce Lahela.”—He said softly.

“Bryce Lahela…  oh, shoot. Hello. You’re my sister’s boyfriend, right?”

“Y… Yes. Can we talk? I have something important to tell you.”

“Okay, wait a second.”

While he was waiting, Bryce couldn’t help but feel shivers down his spine. It was the first time he was talking to a member of Eleanor’s family, and even if he knew her family was aware of their relationship, it made him feel nervous reaching this milestone, especially under terrible circumstances, and after the doubts he had been feeling the past few days.

“Okay, I’m out. Something happened?”

Bryce tried to balance the concern of a boyfriend with the calmness and professionalism acquired in his medical career to not shock Benjamin more than necessary.

“Unfortunately, yes. There was an assassination attempt on a Senator here in Edenbrook, it was Eleanor’s patient, and she was caught in the middle. The hospital tried to contact your mother, but as she’s in Chile, I decided to contact you directly.”

“Shit. Yes, you did the right thing. How is she? What happened exactly?”

“She’s stable at the moment. This assassin used a canister with an unknown substance, so the hospital is working to figure out what was inside as soon as possible.  It already killed a man, and there’s a nurse in a coma."

“Oh my god, no…”

Bryce could sense the pain Benjamin was feeling even if he couldn’t see him. He knew how much Eleanor adored her brother, so it was natural that Benjamin would feel the same way about her. And knowing his sister was in danger of course would cause this type of reaction, especially being away.

“Is she awake? Can I speak with her?”

“She’s in quarantine, so is kind of difficult to let you talk through the phone, but I can try.”

“No, it’s okay. Don’t worry. I… I’ll fly as soon as I can to Boston.”

“Do you have a number so we can call your parents?”

“I’ll do it. I have my grandma’s landline, that’s the quickest way to contact mom.”

“Okay, then. Let me know if you need anything, alright? Do you have money to fly here?”

“Yes, I have a credit card to use in case of emergencies. Thank you, Bryce.”

“No problem.”

After a few more questions and Bryce giving him his number, Benjamin hung up. If he was lucky, he would be able to land in Boston in three hours.

“Okay, Benjamin is going to contact Eleanor’s parents and once he's here, they'll have a video call with the Team so they can inform Eleanor’s state more detailly.”

“Understood. Thank you so much, Dr. Lahela. I’ll let know Dr. Ramsey.”

“No problem, glad I could help.”

When Bryce grabbed his own phone to save Benjamin’s number, he noticed he had several missed calls and messages from Keiki.

“Bryce, I read that something happened at the hospital. Please answer me.” “I know you probably are in the OR but please call me when you see this” “Are you okay?”

Bryce sighed and dialed her number.

“Bryce? Oh my god, how are you? Why you didn’t answer!”

“I was at the surgery, Keiki. I told you it would last long”—He lied, but regretted it the second he let out the words.

“I know, but… I was worried, the news are saying the police is in the hospital, that someone tried to kill a Senator. Is that true?”

Bryce pondered his words. There was no point in lying, sooner or later she would find out, and it was better if it was from him.  So he told her the truth. That the rumors she saw on the news were true, and that Eleanor was in danger. Keiki was desperate and wanted to come over to the hospital to see her, but even if he needed his sister here, he had to play the responsible and serious older brother for once in his life.

“Keiki, it’s better if you stay at home. Is too dangerous here and I think Eleanor would kill me if I let you come over.”

She chuckled.

“That’s true. Better not give her a hard time.”

“Exactly.”

“Okay, but please, keep me informed.”

“I will. And if you need anything, please call me, and stay safe. I’m probably staying here tonight.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.  Please send Ella all my love if you see her, okay?”

“Sure, thank you, sis."

Three hours later, Bryce was deep in thoughts sitting in a chair near the atrium, when he saw the vivid image of Eleanor walking towards him.  He had to blink several times.

“Damn, pictures give you an idea, but I didn’t know you and Elle were so alike.— He joked, standing up from the chair and offering his hand to the guy in front of him. —"Hello Benjamin, nice to meet you.”

The situation wasn’t appropriate for jokes, but somehow Bryce felt like he needed to kill the tension from the start. Eleanor had told him her brother was ongoing and nice, and it just felt right to act that way with him, instead of serious and gloomy.

Benjamin returned the handshake and smiled.

He was way taller than Eleanor but not taller than him, and he had an athletic body, even if he wasn't on any sports team at college. He was just a soccer and basketball aficionado, or at least that’s what Eleanor had told him.

“Nice to meet you too, Bryce. For what it's worth, you’re as handsome as you seem in Ellie’s Pictogram. Thought you were using some Ken filter, but nope, that’s really you.—Benja teased, containing a laugh.

Bryce couldn’t help but chuckle.

“100% real, no weird filters, I promise.”

“Any updates?”

“None. She’s stable and was sedated right after we spoke the first time, so she should be awake by now. The rest is working in the labs trying to find out what could’ve been inside the canister.”

“And you’re not going?”

“I was hired as moral support. My friends are more expert in that field than me, I’m just a surgeon.”—Bryce replied sheepishly, shrugging.

“But the best surgical resident or that’s what I’ve heard.”

His eyes widened for a second, but then Bryce shook his head, amused.

“She told you that?”

“That and other fangirly praises like “oh, he’s so cute, so charming, and talented, the best surgeon, he’s amazing.”

His heart did a flip. He never expected Eleanor would talk about him like that to her brother. Or that she would talk about him at all.

“You must be really impressive to have my sister babbling like a teenager at the age of 27.”

“What can I say? I’m a total catch.”—Bryce gave him his characteristic charming smile, feeling somehow relieved for a moment. It was like Benjamin was giving him the same relaxed and nice vibes he always felt around Eleanor.

Benjamin laughed and Bryce’s heart did another flip as he saw traces of Eleanor’s smile in him. She was everywhere. In the shape of his eyes, the way he quirked his brows, in his grin, even he could hear her in his still marked Ohioan accent.

“Yeah, I’m pretty cocky too, ask my friends and everyone will say a round yes, but your sister doesn’t deserve any less.”

“I agree completely.”

After a few minutes, Bryce and Benjamin stood in front of the quarantined room. Eleanor was half-asleep staring at Rafael, who was sleeping.

“Andrew”—Benjamin muttered.

Eleanor was extremely pale, her eyes were puffy, and her lips parched and cracked, but the moment she opened her eyes and recognized Benjamin, her whole face brightened with love and surprise.  

“Benja! Ohmygod! What are you doing here?”

“Bryce contacted me so I had to come to see you. How are you?”

Eleanor stood up with difficulty. When she reached the door, her eyes were full of tears.

“Bebé… I’m… well, I’ve been better, but right now I’m so happy to see you.”

“Me too, sis.”

Both siblings shared a smile, the same kind smile, and Bryce couldn't help but mirror them.

“Well, I leave you to it. I’ll let Dr. Ramsey know you’re here so you can have the meeting with your parents.”

Bryce turned to leave but Eleanor stopped him.

“Bryce, wait.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you, thank you for calling my brother.”

Eleanor gave him a tender smile, full of thankfulness and adoration.

“Yeah, thank you, Bryce, for all you’ve done for my sister.”—Benjamin added, earnestly.

“It’s nothing. Let me know if you need anything.”

And he left the siblings catching up with their lives, the younger trying to cheer up the older with the usual jokes and mocks siblings have.

Hours later, Eleanor paged to report a new symptom Rafael had manifested before falling into a coma. Hopefully, it would be the key to find the answer they’ve been trying to reach all day.

“Bryce?”—Aurora murmured, approaching him in the hallway. “Dr. Ramsey wants to talk to you, he’s in his personal office.”

When Bryce turned to her he didn’t need a second glance to read the panic in her eyes. He gulped and then forced himself to smile at Eleanor.

“See you later, gorgeous.”

Bryce walked to the office as fast as he could. When he reached Ethan’s office, he breathed deeply before getting in. As he opened the door, he found the attending looking at the window, pensive. He looked small and fragile, and when Bryce stood behind him, he saw how haggard he was in the reflection of the window. After a few moments, Ethan turned to face him, and he didn’t even bother to hide his feelings.

“Do you know what’s in the canister?”

“Yes. June was right. It’s…”.—Ethan cleared his throat, brows knitted in worry.—“ It’s a maitotoxine.”

“Maitotoxine? I think I’m not familiar with the name.”

“It’s an extremely potent toxin commonly found in fish, but this… this toxin is something I’ve never seen before. Not June, not Baz…”—Ethan shoved his hand through his hair, evidencing his frustration.

“What does this mean?”—Bryce said in a tiny voice, already knowing what Ethan was about to say.

“There is no antidote for this, Bryce.”

For a moment, Bryce felt like he would faint, his mind went clouded, and lost track of space and time. His body wasn’t strong enough to process such information. Such undeniable and hurtful truth.

What he had been fearing all day was now materializing.

“And what are you going to do? Can you create an antidote or modify another one with a similar molecular structure? That has been done lots of times.”

“Yes, that’s what we are hoping to do. Aurora informed me that a group of doctors from Mass Kenmore is coming to Edenbrook to help, so we’ll have the best minds working on an antidote.”

But they had to have it before it’s too late.”

“You have to… you have to find the antidote, Ethan. She can’t die… She…”

Bryce suddenly got out of breath. The desperation was brewing again. The pain was inexorable. He couldn’t hold it anymore.

“I can’t lose her. Ethan, please… You have to...”

He couldn’t tell when happened, but all at once, he found himself drowning in sobs and with large tears streaming past his neck, reaching his chest.

He did his best to not succumb to his feelings in the OR because Kyra needed him, and he couldn't fail her nor Eleanor.

He managed to hold it while he was with Aurora because there was still hope and Aurora forced him to focus on Eleanor.

He was doing fine keeping his hopes high, trusting they would find out what was in the canister and then set a treatment and everything would be alright.

But there was no cure, no antidote.

Even if one hundred doctors were working on it, no one could assure him that they could do it before it’s too late. Before she’s gone.

He didn't even want to think in a world without her, but the sole draft, just a slight hint of it was devastating, unbearable.

He started gasping for air. His guts were shaking uncontrollably. The lump he felt in his throat at OR was now bigger and even more painful. His entire body was numb.

This was a living nightmare.

After a few seconds, Bryce took a chair and sat down before his legs could fail him.  Ethan did the same.

“We have to stay positive, Bryce. Many of us have experience with research and with the help of Mass Kenmore and your friends, I’m sure will be on time to fight the toxin.”

“I wanna believe that, I’ve been believing this shit all day, Ethan. But… if it’s too late. I…”—He rubbed his face with both hands, his face red and wet with tears. Then he buried his face in his hands.—“She doesn’t deserve this… She can’t die… Please…”

Ethan patted him in the shoulder, comfortingly, his eyes haunted with fear and sadness.

“Bryce, I won’t let anything happen to Eleanor ...”—He hesitated for a moment, pondering his next words.— “You know what she means to me. I know you do. And I’ll do everything I can to save her, I promise. Whatever it takes. I won’t let anything happen to her. "

Bryce looked at him defeated.

“If I could, I would do it too, but I’m so useless. I feel so useless.”

"No, Bryce, on the contrary, you have done for her more than any of us could. If she’s still able to have a smile on her face despite the hell she’s living, if she’s still standing is not only because she’s incredibly strong. It’s because she has you. You’re part of the reason she hasn’t fallen into a coma yet.”

There was a painful rawness in those words. In another time and circumstances, Ethan would have never been able to say it aloud, mostly for pride and because he didn’t use to open to anyone. But not today. His love for Eleanor was selfless enough to let him recognize that if she was doing good was because of Bryce, and she had given him enough bravery to accept it out loud in front of the person she had chosen over him. Because Ethan only needed one second of watching Eleanor looking at Bryce to realize she was in love with him.

The only person Eleanor needed, was Bryce.

Ethan’s words felt like an absolute and relieving certainty to Bryce, mostly because who was saying it was the person he would expect it the less, and it gave him the strength he needed to keep going. To keep being there for Eleanor in this difficult night.

“Thank you, Ethan.”—Bryce said after a while, regaining breath and clarity.

The attending nodded and then stood up from the chair.

“Come on, we have to speak with Eleanor, and she’ll need you by her side.”

Eleanor was hopeless. Bryce could tell how the slight hope she had inside her had vanished with the news.

“We’ll do our best to find the antidote. Just keep fighting Eleanor.”—Elijah reassured.

The doctors from Mass Kenmore and the rest of their friends started to go. Sienna was heading Benjamin to the fifth floor so he could have some rest. He didn’t want to leave the hospital in case something happened.

And then, there was only Ethan and Bryce outside the room.

Eleanor smiled at Ethan, noticing how troubled and scared he was, as if he didn’t want to leave her there, knowing things could go wrong anytime and he couldn’t say goodbye. But he knew it wasn’t his place to be anymore. He knew it was Bryce’s.

“Thank you, Ethan. For everything.”

“We’ll make it, Eleanor. Keep fighting just as you’ve been doing until now.”—He stared deeply into her eyes for a moment, before turning around and leave Bryce alone in the hallway.  

Bryce watched him leave, and when he looked at Eleanor, her swelling eyes were already on him, clinging onto him even if she couldn’t touch him. Like his eyes were strong and powerful enough to hold her to life.

She was tired. She was giving up.

“It’s gonna be okay, Elle, I promise.”

“It won’t. How they’re going to create an antidote in just a few hours? Raf and Danny are in a coma, they could go at any moment, so do I."

“Yes, it could happen at any moment, but that moment could take hours, even days, and I’m sure the team will have it on time.  They have a lot of brilliant people working on it, with tons of experience. They’ll make it, I know.”

Eleanor shook her head hastily, sobbing.

“It’s just I’m so tired, Bryce. I… I can’t take it anymore, I’m tired of being strong and show hope and shit, I want this to be over, I’m done.”

“I know you are, babe. You have been so strong and brave, it’s understandable that you want a break. You deserve it, but you have to keep fighting, okay?”

“The only reason I’m doing it it’s because of you. Because somehow you don’t let me fall. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think I would be still standing. I don’t know I’d be here. I wouldn’t be that strong.”

Bryce smiled tenderly at her puffed eyes.

“You would. Don’t you know it already, Eleanor? That strength that you have is all you. You have it inside you. You always have.”

“Don’t you know it already, Bryce? You make me stronger. You know it’s true.”

“Glad to be of service.”—He flashed her a smile that made her smile too.—“But this is mostly you.”

“I wish I could hold you right now. I miss you so much.”

“Maybe you can.”

“How?”

“There’s another hazmat suit out here. I could go inside and make you company for a while.  I hate the idea of you being alone in a moment like this.”

“Would you do that for me?”

“How dare to ask that, Eleanor Andrea Bloom? You know I would do anything for you.”

Eleanor bit his lower lip, compassing her sobs for a moment.

“I’d love to have you here with me.”

“That’s it, then.”

A few minutes later, Bryce entered the room with the hazmat suit on, and a dashing smile adorning his face.  

“Well, what do you think? Am I still handsome? Or am I somehow more handsome? Be honest.”—He said flirtily.

She shook her head, chuckling.

“God, how I missed you, Johnny Bravo.”—She said looking at him from head to toes.—"I think it’s your best look yet. You’ll catch a lot of babes with that.”

“Ah,”—He growled, taking slow steps towards her— “but you know there’s just one babe I want, and I have it right here in front of me.”

Eleanor looked up at him, almost not believing he was in front of her, that she was able to touch him.

In an intent to believe it, she cut the distance and wrapped Bryce in a tight embrace.

“You’re here, you’re really here.”

“You’re not the only one who was dying for a hug, you know? Especially after all the opportunities, I wasted in these few days."

Bryce tightened his hold, almost scared that Eleanor would vanish into thin air any second now.

“Elle, I’m…”

“Shhh… Not now.”

He nodded and both remained silent, savoring the embrace, the sweet feeling of having each other in their arms. Even if they couldn’t feel the warmth and smell they loved so much, feeling their arms wrapped around those so well known curves was sufficient. It brought them joy, peace. A sense of reality in the middle of that living hell.  

After a minute, her limbs started trembling and her breath got short.

“Come on, babe, let’s get you to bed.”

Bryce took her hand and helped her laid down. Then, somehow, he managed to squeeze in the bed beside her.  

“How’s that?”

“Much, much better.”—Eleanor placed a hand over his waist and then added: —“My brother really liked you. A lot.”

“I know. I liked him too.”

“You know?”

“I told him I was a total catch, cause I am, and he agreed with me. That totally means that he likes me, right?”

“Bryce…”—She laughed, rolling her eyes.

“What? It’s the truth! I didn’t force him to agree or anything! I mean, you did half the job by telling him all those incredible things about me.”

“He told you that? Oh, that brat!”

Bryce shrugged, amused while Eleanor shook her head.

I’m glad you finally get to know each other, and you actually liked each other.”

"I mean, it's hard not to. He's really nice and you've told me so much about him I feel like I've known him for a long time."

“I think something like that happened to me with Keiki, even if I had absolutely no idea about her existence before I met her”—Eleanor teased, feigning annoyance.

“Keiki… She’s been worried about you all day. She was crazy to come up here, but I told her you would kill me if she came. But I’ve been giving her updates every hour.”

“Oh, yes. I would’ve been so fucking mad, Bryce Lahela. I’m glad you kept her safe.”—Then she sighed.—"The poor thing, must be all alone. You should go to see her.”

“I know, but I can’t leave you here, Elle.”

“Would it be too selfish of me if I tell you I don’t want you to leave?”

“No. Not at all.”—His look softened.—“I don’t want to leave, either. In fact, I won’t leave your side, Eleanor.”

Bryce gave him a tiny smiled and they stared at each other, savoring once again the moment of being together. After a while, Eleanor laughed.

“What is it?”

“You look so fucking handsome, Bryce, it’s ridiculous, and I look like shit. I’m done a complete mess.”

Bryce chuckled, spotting the dark circles around her eyes, her tousled hair, how pale she was. He really hadn’t noticed how bad she looked.

“Yeah, you look like shit”—He teased.—"But you know what? You’re still the most beautiful creature in the universe, princess.”

Her eyes were swelling with tears, and a moment later, a sob escaped her mouth.

“Okay, okay, I take it back,”—He added seconds, later, noticing her swelling eyes. “you don’t look like shit, you look amazing, babe, incredible. Ready for a Vogue photoshoot. Ready for the Oscars.”

Bryce couldn’t tell if what escaped her mouth was a sob or a giggle, but her face had lightened somehow.

Somehow, he managed to end her anguish and ease her pain.

Somehow.

He didn’t know how.

As if it was pure luck.

But she perfectly knew it wasn’t luck.

“Gosh, Bryce…”—She couldn’t continue. It felt like she was out of breath.—"Bryce I…”

She brought her hands to the side of his head, her thumbs over the face shield as if she was caressing his cheeks.

She locked eyes with him, and that look, that adoring look made him feel millions of shivers through his all body. Those dreamy tender eyes managed to convey all the emotions that were brewing inside her.

And Bryce was finally, finally able to see it, after missing it so many times that day.

“Te amo.”

He was at last, at last able to hear it, after longing for it for so long.

Her eyes were looking directly into his soul, into his heart, pouring everything she had inside to fill him with the most sincere and sweet love. With adoration, admiration, tenderness. With the purest feelings anyone could imagine.

And those two words sounded like relief. Like she had been choking and those words out loud were acting like the air she had been needing for so long.

“I love you so, so, so much, Bryce.”

And her eyes now were even fuller with adoration and candor. Full of happiness and life, even if ten minutes ago she had been feeling ready to die.

“I… I wish I had realized sooner, and these weren’t the circumstances where I’m able to say it… but if I don’t make it, I don’t want to go without you knowing what I feel about you.”

“Babe, you’ll make it, you don’t need to do this just because you’re here.”

“I’m doing this because that’s how I truly feel. I’m in love with you.”

“You really are?”

Even if he had been waiting for those words for months, he couldn’t believe it. Even if he had been receiving signs all day, from different people, he still couldn’t believe it.

“Yes. Yesterday I was finally able to see it, but it has been there for a while.”

“How so?”

“I’ll explain it later. You need to know some things first.”

“Okay.”

“As you know, I went to Ethan’s apartment after the game.”

“Aha.”

And she told him everything that happened that night. She didn’t keep anything. Well, except the personal stuff Ethan had shared with her, but the confession, the things he promised her, the kiss, how she felt after that, what she talked with Aurora. Everything. Because she had nothing to hide and he deserved to know everything, just as it always had been.

“And I just like that, I realized that I was over him. Just like you said. I was in front of the Ethan I used to love, telling me he loved me, offering me everything. But it turned out I… I didn’t want him anymore.”

“I’m sorry it had to be this painful to you. I had no idea you had been hurt so much.”

“Yeah, I had it blocked, but I’m sure I would’ve told you if it wasn't the case.

Bryce stroke her hair in the most tender way he could, his eyes haunted.

“I’m sorry, babe. I’m for being so distant and an ass with you. I should’ve let you talk, but I was afraid of what you would tell me”

“I know. I know and I completely understood it. But I can’t deny that at some point I was afraid that… I hurt you to the point of you not wanting anything to do with me anymore. That going with Ethan that night was the last straw and that no matter what happened between him and me, you… you would want to break up."

“No, of course not. How could I decide something like that without a warning? And with something I pushed you to do? No. I was just… trying to delay the inevitable. The suffering of knowing that you gave him a chance.”

“Well, I didn’t. And I realized that I was in love with you instead. At last.”

“Are you sure about that? You know there’s no need to hurry…”

“Bryce, why is so hard to believe it? Should I shout it with a megaphone, or maybe post photos and stories on my Pictogram telling that I’m truly, madly, deeply in love with you so you can believe me? Because I’m willing to.”

Bryce laughed, incredulous.

“Truly, Madly, Deeply. Damn. Just like that Savage Garden song?”

“The very same. I like the 90s.”

“A woman after my own heart.”

She bit her lower lip, smiling.

“I cannot believe how blind I was. It has been there, the whole time!”

“I’m listening.”

“It’s…”

Her whole face lit up with that sunny smile he loved so much. For a moment, he forgot where they were.

“It’s in the way I look at you, like a fool. Like I was fifteen. It’s the fact that you’re my first thought in the morning and my last one before going to sleep. You’re the first person I think of when something good happens, or when something bad happens too. In your arms is where I feel safe, and I know there's no other place I'd rather be. And god, I laugh with all your jokes, even the bad ones, and I don't find you cocky anymore because all that you say about yourself is true, and I think about you all the damn day, Bryce. I’m all day wanting for the day to end so I can see you and kiss you. And…”

Eleanor stopped for a moment, trying to catch some breath. Bryce shook his head. He had the stupidest smile she had ever seen on him. The same smile she was sure she had on her face right now.

“Another example? My brother. I haven’t been able to stop talking about you. It wasn’t like this from the beginning, but now I’ve just realized that the last few weeks I haven’t done anything but tell him, or my mom, how happy I am with you. I’ve been even imagining how it would be if I ever introduce you to my abuela. I bet she would adore you the moment she meets you, and she would love you more than me, and would cook your favorite meal, and would give you the last spoon of ice cream and… and I really don’t care, because you deserve it. You deserve the last spoon of ice cream, and my grandma’s meals, and … Everything. You deserve everything, Bryce.  I don’t know what else to say. I’m in love with you like a teenager, and I feel like never before. What did you do to me?”

He smiled, tears of joy streaming down his face. That slump in his throat hurt again, but for different reasons. It was for the absolute tenderness and adoration he was feeling inside his chest. Admiration. Love. God. He couldn’t understand how he could love her so much. How much she meant to him. How happy and complete she made him feel. He had never felt this for anybody before, he knew it already, but now he was realizing he would never feel this way for anybody else, ever.

“I’m crazy about you too, Eleanor. I’ve been holding these feelings for so long to not scare you or pressure you, but god, I feel the same way. I think about you all day, and every time I think about the future, you’re in there.”

“That’s a relief, because for a moment I thought I was being too cheesy and clingy.”

“Babe, you’re always cheesy. You can’t help it around me.”

“You created a monster, Bryce Lahela.”

“I like cheese. I would eat cheese all day. And for the record, I would definitely share the last spoon of ice cream with you"

Bryce winked at her and then pressed her body against his.

“God, I wish I could kiss you.”

“You will.”

“But I want to kiss you noooow."

Eleanor pouted and butterflies fluttered ferociously in his stomach. She made him feel like fifteen too.

“Well, miss impatience, is nice to finally meet you.”

"Tell me that you're not dying to kiss me right now."

“I am. But we’ll have to manage with what we have for now.”

“How so?”

“Imagination. How would you like me to kiss you the next time?”

“If there’s a next time.”

Bryce scowled her and squeezed her waist.

“There will be. You’ll get through this, babe. I promise.”

She gave him a sad smile.

“So?”

“So what?”

“How will you want me to kiss you after you get out of here.”

“Mmm… I think… Slow and sweet, just like our ‘first kiss’ at Isabella’s”

“Mmm what a good kiss. Cute and romantic.”

“Or maybe passionate and breathtaking, just like that kiss at the beach, on your birthday. God, I can’t decide!”

“Don’t worry, we can always try both.”

“I hope so.”

“We will. You have to believe me.”

“Okay. I believe you. If I die, I’ll come to visit you every night, Bryce Lahela.”

“Lucky for me you won’t die. I would hate to have your ghost every night by my side and not being able to kiss you and do you dirty things.”

“Bryce!”—Eleanor giggled. “Okay, okay, I believe you. Bring me that dreamy kiss now!”

“Close your eyes.”

Eleanor obeyed and closed her eyes.

“Remember that night at the Museum?”

“I could never forget”—She muttered—.

Bryce took her hand and with the tip of her fingers, he brushed her lips delicately, exposing her inner lip for a moment. Then with her thumb, he caressed her mouth.

“I will kiss you sweetly and delicately while I hold you by the waist, transmitting how much I love you, how much you mean to me. How happy I am to have you in my life.”

After a few seconds, she opened her eyes, smiling.  

“That night was perfect.”

“Yeah, and you looked gorgeous.”

“But you, you were stunning in that silky pink shirt… And the night was so nice. Warm and starry. Oh, and there was music playing.”

“Yes, that slow jazz… When I fall in love… It will be forever”—He sang slowly.

“Or I’ll never fall in love…”—She continued.—“You remember the song?”

“Obviously. It played on my mind on repeat for like two weeks.”

“Oh. That means you had that kiss playing on repeat on your head for two weeks?”

“I plead the fifth.”

She chuckled.

“Well, I, for one, thought about that kiss a lot in the following days. Another example of how goofy you leave me.”

“Good I wasn’t the only one.”

Suddenly, her smile faded, and Eleanor looked at him earnestly.

“Thank you for taking a chance on us that night, Bryce. Since that day you’ve given me nothing but happiness. And I’m sure that from that day there was no returning point for me. Sooner or later I would fall for you, and I’m glad I finally did.”

“I would do it a million times, in a heartbeat, Eleanor.”

“And I’d choose you a million times, over and over again. I only wish that none of those million times had to involve me dying just when I realized I was in love with you.”

“You’ll make it, babe. I have so much love to give you, that I won’t let you go so easily.”

_____

A/N: Hello! If you make it this far, I have to thank you! I know it was a super long chapter, but it was really important (for the story and for me) and I honestly didn’t want to save words, nor split it in two chapters.

If I had to resume Bryce in this chapter in two words those would be: Husband material. And next chapter will be husband material x3264546.

Thank you for all your support, I hope you liked this chapter. I’d love to hear your opinions in the comments.

A big hug to each and every one of you!

A/N2: *spoiler* Graphic description of Eleanor after chapter 17:

I think it works the other way around too 😂

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 12 of 26

Title: A Wizard of Earthsea (Earthsea Cycle #1) (1968)

Author: Ursula K. Le Guin

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Young Adult, Third-Person

Rating: 8/10

Date Began: 5/6/2021

Date Finished: 5/12/2021

Ged is a talented young magician with incredible potential-- possibly greater than any before him. He sets off to join the wizarding School of Roke, and quickly surpasses all of his peers. But in an act of arrogance, Ged tries to bring back the dead to impress a rival student. He unleashes a malevolent shadow upon the world, leaving him traumatized and permanently scarred. 

Soon Ged finds himself hunted by the shadow wherever he goes. None of his magic seems to work on it. Worse, he lives in fear that if the dark creature overtakes him, it will use his body as a weapon to harm others. Ged journeys from island to island in an attempt to find the solution and banish the shadow once and for all. 

Only in silence the word, only in dark the light,  only in dying life:  bright the hawk’s flight  on the empty sky. 

Content warnings and some spoilers below the cut. 

Content warnings for the book: Violence and death, including child death and animal death. Traumatic injury. 

As a fiction writer, Ursula K. Le Guin is best known for her Earthsea series, but I haven’t read them until now. She had a big impact on my childhood via a series of picture books called Catwings (they're... about a family of cats who can fly). As an adult, I’ve grown more intrigued as I've learned about Le Guin’s philosophies, especially anticapitalism. I read her famous horror story The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas last year and found it unsettling and thought-provoking. So I decided to read some of her longer works! And, of course, speculative fiction is always the way to my heart. My wonderful sister gave me the first four books of Earthsea for the holidays last year, and I’m finally getting the chance to read them. 

Overall I had a good time with A Wizard of Earthsea. It’s structured differently than a lot of fantasy novels I’ve read. While there is a big overarching plot, the individual chapters usually have their own complete story arc. It’s the type of book where you can read one chapter before bed and feel like you got a whole story; each part advances the main narrative while also providing a complete side adventure. 

There’s a lot of travel in A Wizard of Earthsea due to the setting. Earthsea is a giant, possibly world-spanning archipelago, meaning there’s a ton of islands, each of which has its own way of life. The conflict naturally has Ged travel from island to island and interact with various peoples and creatures. The closest comparison I can think of is The Odyssey, and I’d be shocked if Le Guin didn’t draw inspiration from that. Both stories involve the protagonist traveling by sea and meeting a variety of characters and mythological creatures through smaller, discrete conflicts and interactions. Usually I find long travel sequences boring, but in this case they were one of my favorite parts of the book. There’s always a sense of anticipation on where Ged’s journey will take him next. 

The magic system is also is pretty cool. The idea is that all parts of nature, from humans to goats to oceans, have hidden “true” names. Knowing something (or someone’s) true name gives one power over it (or them). Thus wizards use true names to manipulate nature; giving another person your true name is an act of absolute trust and devotion. However, a big theme of the book is equilibrium. One must always be aware of potential consequences when using magic. Changing the wind in one part of the world could cause a devastating storm one island over. Sort of a butterfly effect type thing. 

Even though violence is one of my content warnings, I’m impressed that Le Guin largely circumvents it in the story. In many fantasy stories, a wizard/mage character uses their magic to fight and crush their foes. Not so much in this novel. While Ged clashes with various entities through the story, he usually just outsmarts them. Thus his showdown with a big, fuck-off dragon boils down to Ged guessing its true name and telling it to leave. Antagonists are usually the ones instigating violence. 

One thing I found odd about the pacing of the book is it slowed down a lot in the last few chapters. There’s a big action sequence with serious consequences around the novel’s midpoint, but everything after that is slower and more reflective. On a surface reading level, I’m not sure I liked this. I’m used to stories ramping up the tension more and more until the end. However, I did like the climax itself, when Ged reveals the shadow’s true name. The central moral of the novel is that one needs to accept everything about themselves, including their past mistakes. Everyone has a dark side, which ties into the central theme of balance, and even the opening poem of the novel (which I used as the excerpt for this review). It’s a pretty universal idea, but Le Guin presents it in a thematically satisfying way. 

I tagged this as a Young Adult novel because Le Guin wrote it for a teenage audience. YA didn’t exist as its own genre at the time, but A Wizard of Earthsea is a coming of age story (a staple of YA), and even has a moral message of sorts at the end. However, sometimes it’s really obvious that it’s intended for a younger audience. As I get older, I’ve noticed that YA tends to be pretty blunt about its meaning and symbolism in a way adult novels aren’t. For example, while pursuing the shadow, Ged gets lost in a mysterious fogbank. To me this was a clear callback to the first chapter, where Ged outsmarts a band of barbarians by trapping them in a fog. But Le Guin also made sure to tell me several pages later, in case I missed the parallel. I’m torn on this when reading YA. While I’m not the intended audience, I feel this approach underestimates teenagers’ ability to critically examine a text. But YA teaches many how to view things that way, so I see why authors do it. Teens aren’t a monolith, but it is interesting to see this tendency to over-explain in a novel from 50+ years ago. 

A Wizard of Earthsea is surprisingly progressive in many respects. Perhaps the most obvious is race. Ged and most of the main cast are explicitly nonwhite and described as such in the text. This isn’t a huge revelation in 2021, but it’s amazing to see something like that in a mainstream fantasy novel from 1968. Apparently Le Guin struggled with publishers for a long time, as many early covers whitewashed Ged for the sake of “sales” until she gained more creative control. And the (shitty) film/TV adaptations of Earthsea are just as guilty. I went through a LOT of covers while researching this book, and even newer editions often opt for heavily stylized art, nonhuman subjects, etc. The cover I chose is from 1984, when Le Guin presumably had more influence on Ged’s portrayal. I’m interested to see how past book covers stack up when I deep dive on the other books. 

However, I found the book to be not so progressive when it came to gender roles (I know, I wasn’t expecting that either). Le Guin makes it very clear that all the famous and powerful wizards/mages in Earthsea are dudes. The wizard school toward the beginning is all dudes. All the adventurers and sailors in the story are dudes. Ged himself makes some pretty sexist comments (though to be fair, that was pre-character development). There are relatively few female characters in the story, and many are either bit parts or (in one case) a seductive, power-hungry villain. Portraying sexism in a fantasy setting isn’t an inherently bad thing. Jemisin’s Dreamblood duology, which I read earlier this year, introduced stringent gender roles in order to explore the insidious nature of misogyny. But A Wizard of Earthsea doesn’t really go beneath the surface level. Yarrow is probably the most well-written female character in the story, and she only shows up in the last few chapters. Again, I’m interested to see how Le Guin handles this in later entries; the next book stars a female protagonist and Ged’s the deuteragonist. 

I liked A Wizard of Earthsea overall, and I think it serves as a good introduction to both the series and a central recurring character. While I have some criticisms of the first book, I do realize it’s a relatively early work of Le Guin’s. The last novel in this series was published in 2001, so I’m interested to see how the characters and writing changed over 30+ years. 

[cryhardanddanceharder]

Happy holidays Abby @moonlightandromache I’m your andromaquynh secret santa and this next one shot is my gift for you. I tried mixing what i know you like, soulmate and mermaid combo. I hope you like it ♥

Also, thank you @lilolilyr for being my beta in this and helping me with my english ☺ And thank you @thirst-teenth for organizing this!

_____

An ocean between our love (it won’t keep us apart)

All mermaids, mermen and tritons are immortal and have a soulmate. 

Yes, mer folks are not just a myth, they are real. Quynh knows this because she is a mermaid. 

Since she was little she had been hearing stories about soulmates. How you would feel your soulmate’s injuries like they were your own and how you would dream of each other.

She started dreaming of her soulmate when she was fourteen years old. 

But, the thing about her soulmate it’s that she’s different. She is a human, a mortal. Because of this, many of the other mers often made fun of her. How would it be possible for a human and a mermaid to be together? 

“How does it feel to know your soulmate?” She asks her friends.

“It’s the best thing that can happen to you” Nicky tells her honestly. 

“There’s no one who could understand you or love you more, you just connect” Joe says, looking at Nicky with heart eyes.

“Look at us” Nicky says proudly. “We came for families who hated each other, and still our love prevailed” He explains.

She doesn’t need the explanation though, she had heard the story too many times. They are lucky, they’ve been together since forever. Just like Nile, Dizzy and Jay. 

All her friends had met their soulmate already and that kinda hurts. She knows it’s probably impossible for her to ever meet her own soulmate. She likes dreaming about her, but feeling her injuries not so much, because it worries her. Her soulmate is a warrior, so she always has something in her body that it’s hurting. And she could use a lot of words to describe her, like beautiful, brave and kind. And also loyal, smart and strong.

“You know there’s the story of this merman who had a human soulmate just like you?” Nile asks her, bringing her attention back to the present.

“Yes, I think I heard about him, but I thought it was just a legend” She answers thoughtfully. 

“Well Jay knows him, I can take you to meet him so you can talk and share your feelings” Nile suggests. 

“That would be great” She accepts. 

No one had ever told her that Booker’s story was real. So, she’s excited that she is going to meet him. Maybe he could tell her how to find her soulmate. Her family never helped her with that topic, not since she told them that her soulmate is a human. It’s like most mers think that she must be cursed or something similar, because isn’t a mermaid like them.

Booker it’s bitter and he is drunk. But he let’s her speak and he tells her stories about Lykon, his soulmate. 

“So you never met him?” She asks, feeling heartbroken.

“No, he died many years ago” Booker answers sadly. 

“But, you only have one soulmate in your life” She expresses her agony.

“I know” He nods.

“How do you keep living without it?” She asks, her voice breaking.

“I’m not sure I do” He says, using his cup to toast for him.

After that conversation, Quynh is left feeling entirely wrecked. How is she supposed to live her immortal life knowing her soulmate is going to die someday? 

She tries to hang on to the dreams of her soulmate, to pay attention to where she is so she can look for her. But she’s always on land and there’s never a beach near her.

And then, the day she has been fearing comes. Her soulmate dies. She’s been betrayed by her own people and they killed her with spears in battle.

“Are you okay?” Joe asks her, very worried because she has been in agony, shouting and sobbing for long minutes.

“My soulmate, she died” She answers with tears in her eyes, unable to say anything else.

She starts feeling the heartbreak of reality hit her as the worst pain she ever felt in her life.

She’s devastated and suddenly breaks down crying in full force.

Joe hugs her and holds her in his arms until she falls asleep. 

But, something she hasn’t been expecting happens. Her soulmate comes back to life. Her injuries are gone and there’s no more pain. At first she thinks she might be imagining it, but then she dreams about her again. And she is alright, she is alive and she is as strong as ever. 

After that, Quynh dares to hope again. If her soulmate is immortal, then maybe they can finally meet someday. And now the injuries are temporary. She only feels pain for a short time. Still, feeling her die is the most painful thing she has ever felt... and her soulmate dies a lot of times.

Quynh starts traveling all the oceans, trying to find her. Joe, Nicky, Nile, Dizzy, Jay and Booker decide to go with her, to help her in her search. 

But years and years keep passing by, and they still never find her soulmate. 

All she learns in her search is that her soulmate's name is Andromache and she is the best human warrior that has ever existed. Even mer folks start telling stories about her at some point, because they like telling human stories. All the stories about Andromache are about her battles, about how she’s special because of her immortality, how she’s always fighting for what she thinks it’s right and trying to help people. 

She wonders if her soulmate dreams of her too, if she ever thinks of her and if she ever tries looking for her.

But hundreds of years keep passing and they never meet each other. All Quynh feels is emptiness and loneliness. Yes, her soulmate is alive and is immortal, but she’s still human and they don’t have any chance of being together. And that hurts.

She starts feeling that her family is right. To have a human soulmate it’s a curse. 

So, she decides to give up. She stops the search. 

And then, suddenly, another unexpected thing happens that changes everything once again. Her soulmate is drowning. And not just for once, it’s constantly. Quynh is in permanent agony for her. Feeling her dying all the time is exhausting. How is it possible? And then, she dreams of her again and she finally understands. Andromache is trapped in an iron coffin at the bottom of the ocean. How the hell did that happen? 

“Quynh, we heard the stories about Andromache” Nicky informs her.

“What stories?” She requests to know. 

“The new ones” Nicky answers.

“How can there be new stories when she’s constantly drowning?” She asks, confused.

“Because they are about that” Joe replies. “Apparently she was in England, saving women from witch hunts. Finally the people from church trapped her and sentenced her to die, so they hanged her.” He explains calmly.

“Because she couldn’t die, they took it as proof of her being a witch” Nicky intervenes, feeling that it’s an important fact.

“Yes” Joe agrees with him. “So, they locked her in an iron coffin and threw her to the sea” He ends the tale. 

“I need to find her. She’s drowning and suffering constantly, I can’t take it” She expresses her feelings, she always feels safe doing so with them.

“We should start with the North Sea, the Celtic Sea and the Atlantic Ocean; those are the ones that surround England” Nicky suggests.

So, that’s what they do. They travel those seas, looking for her. 

It takes them almost one hundred years, but they finally do. They find the iron coffin in a part of the Norway Sea and all she can feel is relief. They prey open the coffin and, finally, Andromache is free and right in front of Quynh. 

When she comes alive she looks scared and ready to fight. She starts hitting them until she drowns again. 

Quynh grabs her and takes her to the superface. In the time it takes her to get her to superface, Andromache drowns three more times. But those times she doesn’t fight her. It is as she recognises Quynh, her presence helping her to relax even when she dies again.

“Hey” She greets her, once their faces are above the ocean and the other has revived.

“You’re the mermaid of my dreams” Andromache says, looking at her with an astonished expression. 

 “I am” She agrees. “My name is Quynh” She introduces herself.

“I thought mermaids were a myth” Andromache says, still staring at her, like she can’t believe she’s real.

“I thought immortal humans were a myth, too” She bites back and Andromache laughs. Damm, her laugh sounds so beautiful.

“Touche” Andromache accepts. “I’m Andromache the Scythian” She finally introduces herself. 

“I know” Quynh nods with a knowing smile. 

Andromache suddenly starts coughing and spitting salt water from her mouth, and that scares her. Quyn realises in that moment that she should have tried giving her mouth to mouth breathing like she heard in some tales about humans, instead of letting her die.

“I should have given you mouth-to-mouth breathing” She says, thinking out loud.

“What?” Andromache asks, confused.

“While I brought you to the superface, I should have given you mouth-to-mouth instead of letting you drown” She explains, in an apologizing way. 

“Don’t worry about it” Andromache dismisses it, like it is not a big deal. “Don’t feel bad, it was just what? Three more deaths? You did save after all” She expresses her opinion. 

It seems like her humor is a little dark and Quynh finds it endearing.

Andromache coughs again. She probably needs clean water and food after spending so many years without having anything. 

“Come on, you must be exhausted, I’ll take you to shore” She proposes. 

So Andromache climbs on her back and Quynh starts to swims. Quynh does it carefully, making sure to never dive deep so Andromache can keep breathing. It’s a hard and tiring task, it takes her a long time of the day, but the effort it’s worth it if it means her soulmate is safe. She takes her to the nearest desert beach. She leaves her on the shore, and then gets ready to go back to the depth of the ocean.

“Wait, please wait” Andromache calls her, when she realizes the other is starting to move away.

“What?” Quynh asks.

“Can I see you again?” Andromache requests.

“Why?” She asks, surprised about the request.

“Well, we dream about each other. I think that must mean something” Andromache tries to explain her point of view. “Don’t you want to figure it out?” She asks.

“Are you sure you want to see me again? Aren’t you scared of mermaids? l thought humans tell stories about us hypnotizing people with our singing and drowning them” She says, a little unsure about the situation.

“That’s sirens, not mermaids” Andromache corrects her. “What about you? Aren’t you scared of me? I’m the eternal warrior. There was a time I even was worshiped as god, you know?” She questions, in some kind of teasing way. 

“No, I’m not scared” She denies.

“Then prove it” Andromache challenges her.

“Fine, we can try” She accepts.

So they try…

Andromache builds herself a house on the beach. They see each other on every sunrise and every sunset. The rest of the day they continue with their normal lives. 

Quynh hadn’t thought it was possible to love Andromache more than she already did… But she starts realising she was very wrong. Spending time with Andromache is the best thing that has ever happened to her and she starts falling deeply in love with her, certain that she would love her even if they hadn’t been soulmates. She loves her with every fiber of her being, in every possible way.

Every moment they spend together is magical.

Like when Andromache teached her arching. 

“What is this?” She asks, looking at the objects the other is holding in her hands with wonder. She knows them, she has seen humans using them before, but she doesn’t remember their names.

“Bows and arrows, I'm going to teach you archery” Andromache answers her.

“You are?” She asks, surprised.

“Well you said you didn’t find sword fighting that much fun, so i thought maybe you would like to try something new” Andromache explains her idea.

“How am I supposed to do this when I can’t stand up like you?” She requests to know, still unsure about the idea.

“You do it sitting down” Andromache says with confidence.

Andromache spends all morning teaching her, until she can hit a target. She has to admit it was really fun. And some days, after practicing a lot, she learns to love it.

Another magical but unexpected moment, it’s when Andromache asks her to cut her hair.

“Are you sure?” Quynh asks, picking up the scissors nervously.

“I am” Andromache nods.

“Why do you want to cut it?” She needs to know, because she doesn’t want to do something the other may regret later.

“I’m tired of it, it’s so heavy and impractical. I want a change” Andromache expresses the reason for her choice.

“Fine” She finally  agrees. “But if you don’t like it, I won't take complains” She warns.

Quynh cuts her hair in the way the other has requests. When she finishes she’s astounded by how the hairstyle looks on the other. She’s so breathtakingly beautiful. She encourages herself and plays with it a little.

Another wonderful moment is their first kiss.

“I have a gift for you” Andromache tells her, with a smile on her face.

“What? Why?” Quynh asks, confused.

“Because you said that today it’s your birthday” Andromache reminds her.

“Ohhh…” She has forgotten humans have the habit of giving each other presents for birthdays, when for mer folks the habit was the other way around.

“Close your eyes” Andromache requests. “Do you trust me?” She asks, after they spend a long minute staring at each other.

“Yes” She nods.

“Then close your eyes” She repeats.

Quynh closes her eyes and waits for her present. Suddenly she can feel Andromache very near, invading her personal space. She takes a moment caressing her shoulders, her neck and her cheeks. And then, she is kissing her. 

Kissing Andromache is incredibly magnificent. It’s as if their lips were made just to be kissed by each other. It’s like they already know their moves, their tastes and what they like. It’s like breathing air for the first time. 

Another splendid moment is when she calls her “Andy” for the first time. 

“What?” She asks a little annoyed, the other has been staring at her for like a whole minute and never continues the conversation they were having.

“You called me Andy” Andromache finally says.

“Ohh, it’s just a nickname, like in a affectionate way” She tries to explain. “If you don’t like it…” 

“No” Andromache interrupts her very quickly. “I like it, you can call me Andy wherever you want” She assures. 

So she starts calling her Andy after that.

And so time goes by. And before they know they have spent decade after decade doing this, being together and apart in this way.

But, of course one day it has to come to an end. She should have known, she should have been ready… After all, how could it be possible for a human and a mermaid to be together forever?

“Have you ever heard of a goddess called Atargatis?” Andromache asks her.

“Her name seems familiar, but I don’t think so” Quynh denies. 

“Well, legends say she was the first mermaid. She’s a goddess of love and female fertility. They said that there’s an oasis in the middle of Sham desert where there is a temple for her and whoever is brave enough to sacrifice themselves in the search of it, the goddess would grant them a wish” Andromache relates her the story.

“I thought you didn’t believe in gods or goddesses” She says, surprised about the type of conversation. 

“Well maybe it’s time I do, so we can be together” Andromache tells her. 

“What do you mean?” She asks, confused.

“I can go there, I can sacrifice myself in the search because I’m immortal, I can wish for us to have a way to be really together” Andromache explains to her what she has been planning.

“I don’t think that’s smart, for you to go there alone” She expresses her disapproval. “What if you got hurt, or the goddess wants to remove your immortality as payment or is just not real?” She asks, not wanting to get excited about what it could mean. 

“But what if it’s real? Don’t you think we are worth trying it?” Andromache questions her. 

“I don’t know” She says sadly. “Don’t you think we are already good as we are?” She asks, fearing the negative possibility. 

“We are good” Andromache assures her. “But we could be better, we could be together forever, every time of the day, with nothing keeping us apart” She insists.

“I…” She doesn’t know what to say. The idea of not seeing Andromache for the time it takes her to do the quest hurts too much. “Andy don’t go” She asks.

“I have to. You may not believe our love is strong enough to survive this, but i do.” Andromache argues, very stubbornly. “Once I finish the quest, I’ll come back here.” She promises her.

Andromache gives her a kiss and then she’s gone.

Quynh is scared she won’t ever see her again and doesn’t know what to do without her. But at sunrise, Andromache is there, at the beach, once again.

“I thought you had left” Quynh tells her.

“I packed my things, but I wanted to say goodbye first” Andromache explains to her.

“Do you really have to go?” She asks, sadly.

“I do, this may be our only chance” Andromache answers. “I need you to trust me” She requests. 

“I do trust you” She assures her. “But, I don’t want to be apart from you” She expresses what troubles her.

“I don’t want to be apart from you either, that’s why I have to do this” Andromache insists, believing her decision is the best option they have. “I’m gonna be back as quick as I can” She promises her. 

Andromache gives her a long kiss goodbye. One that tastes like salt because of their tears. Is bittersweet and leaves her wanting more, but she lets her go.

All Quynh can do is wait. She waits and goes to their beach on every sunrise and every sunset, waiting for Andromache to come back.

While she waits she realises she’s scared. She fears Andy would find a mortal who would love her in all the ways she can’t. She fears Andy would die a lot of times and would suffer alone. She fears Andy could lose her immortality. 

Another thought creeping into her mind is that Andy might not really accept her the way she is and will try to take away her mermaid form... she knows that Andy might want to join her in the sea instead, and she doesn’t believe that her love would change her without asking her first, but she can’t silence the thoughts entirely.

She dreams of her and with every dream her fears turn off a little. Andy is really strong and she is trying to do this for them.

She dies five times in the desert. But like she sayed, it doesn’t totally matter. Not when she comes back to life again every time. 

It takes a year… And then, finally, Andy is back, at sunset time. She jumps directly into the sea and greets her with a passionate kiss. 

“Hey” Andromache says quietly, pressing soft kisses to her neck.

“Hey” Quynh says back. 

“I love you Quynh” Andromache confesses, looking right to her eyes. 

Andy loves her and knowing it makes her the happiest she’s ever been in her long life.

“I love you too Andy” She says, exploding with happiness and love. “I’m glad you are back” She admits, feeling relieved to be in the arms of the other woman again.

“Did you ever doubt I would?” Andromache asks, kinda teasing her.

“Maybe a little” She answers honestly. “So? How did the quest go?” She finally asks the important topic. 

“Well, I found the oasis, and the goddess conceived my wish” Andromache answers her, looking her intensely in her eyes. “You know why?” She asks.

“Because you gave your life founding the oasis” She answers, remembering the tale Andy had told her before going on the quest.

“Yes” Andromache nods. “And because apparently we are soulmates” She adds, looking at her intensely as she was trying to read her.

“Ah, that...” She trails off.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Andromache asks curiously, without judging her. 

“Because I didn’t want you to feel obligated to love me just because we’re soulmates” She answers genuinely, thinking it sounds a little silly now that she’s saying it out loud. 

“It would be impossible for me not to love you” Andromache tells her with so much confidence, that she believes her in every part of herself.

“So… how does the wish work?” She asks, bringing the conversation to that topic because she doesn’t want to get emotional.

Andromache looks at her with a tender smile, and then removes the pendant she’s wearing around her neck and gives it to her. 

“What does it mean?” She asks confused, checking the pendant.

“It’s a magic amulet, it’s made from cintamani and it grants a wish to whoever wears it” Andromache explains to her.

“What the wish would be?” She requests to know, still a little unsure.

“Well, I think it obvious, for the one of us who is wearing it at the moment to have legs on land and mermaid form on sea” Andromache tells her with confidence.

“You don’t want me to stop being a mermaid?” She asks, really surprised.

“No, of courte not, I love everything about you” Andromache assures her. “I just want the chance for us to be together” She adds, caressing her cheeks. 

Quynh kisses her. She hasn't thought it would be possible for her to love this woman more, but every time she thinks that, she is quickly proven wrong. It feels like everything Andromache does, it just makes her love her more and more. 

She feels so happy. She doesn’t know how to contain all those feelings in her body, so she just shows them. She kisses and caresses every part of Andromache’s body. 

When she feels satisfied, she puts the pendant around her neck. Then she grabs Andromache’s hand, so they can get out of the water. 

The first time she feels her legs is very strange, and she would have fallen if it wasn't for Andromache’s grip on her. 

Andromache teaches her to walk, takes her to all her favorite places and shows her everything about the mortal human world. Then they travel around the world together, meeting new places and sharing their love.

In return, Quynh shows her all the magical places and fantastic treasures the ocean hides in its depths. She teaches her to swim in her mermaid form and do different pirouettes. Also she introduces her to her friends and family.

Andromache has been right. To be together this way is even more wonderful. Thanks to the amulet Quynh can have human form at land and Andromache can have mermaid form at sea. This way they can share both of their worlds and always be together. 

So, yes. Maybe it is hard for someone like her, a mermaid, to have a human soulmate. But it is not impossible. They had found their way to be together and now they will be for all their eternal lives.

You can read it in ao3 too: here

[zecretsanta]

Fic: Christmas at the Kashiwabara's

To: @miiversian​ 

From: @bookworm-2692​

I used the following prompt: the 999 cast hanging out together again for the holidays! (sans Ace bc… obvious reasons). There’s also bonus Nona and Ennea, since Hazuki is hosting the party!

This possibly isn’t quite as happy as you were hoping for - but as we know from VLR and ZTD, post-999 Junpei isn’t in a good place, so a bit of angst snuck its way in. I hope you enjoy it anyway!

Thanks for this prompt! I love the 999 cast, so this was really fun to write. I hope you enjoy it, and I wish you a wonderful rest-of-December!

AO3 Link

Summary: After the Second Nonary Game, Hazuki Kashiwabara hosts a Christmas Party for the other participants of the Nonary Game. They try to enjoy themselves and get into the Holiday Spirit, but as they’re still processing what happened last month, this doesn’t always go to plan.

———

Hazuki places the last knife and fork on the table, and sighs. It’s mid-December, mere weeks after the ordeal in Nevada, where she had been kidnapped and made to play some sick game, all to ensure the survival of some paradoxical girl’s existence. That same game was also where she finally learnt what her daughters had gone through nine years prior, and why they had returned from those nine days as shells of their former selves.

She still wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about the other participants of the Nonary Game. Two of them had caused the original game her daughters went through – Hazuki was free to hate them unreservedly, and feel gleeful that one was in jail and the other dead, blown to smithereens. Seven was the detective who had rescued Nona from the incinerator all those years ago – for all that he was annoying and loved to rile her up, she would be forever grateful that he had saved her daughter’s life.

Clover and Light were also victims of the first Nonary Game, the same game that Nona and Ennea had been kidnapped for. Hazuki felt nothing in particular towards them, other than pity that they had been forced to go through the game twice, and relieved that they had survived. The other set of siblings during Hazuki’s game, Aoi and Akane, had also gone through Nona and Ennea’s game as well. However, while she didn’t feel much specifically towards the Fields, she felt much more strongly about the Kurashikis, even though most of those emotions were conflicting and confusing. She felt the usual pity that as children they had been forced into such a cruel game, but she also felt anger that they then staged their own version of the game, endangering a further seven people (or nine, depending on how one counted). Their game however ultimately punished the four behind the first Nonary Game, with death and life in prison, and for this Hazuki was grateful. Nine years ago, Hazuki wanted anything to punish the culprits of her daughters’ kidnapping – now she had it, and she wasn’t sure if the price was worth it.

Then there was also the question of the paradox surrounding the siblings. Surrounding Akane Kurashiki in particular. Apparently, she had died on the boat nine years ago, but Hazuki had gone with Akane (and Aoi) behind every single door during the Nonary Game. Door 4. Door 8. Door 6. One of the Door 9s. She definitely seemed real behind each of those doors, and between the doors themselves. Somehow she had died nine years ago, and also masterminded the game six weeks ago in order to save her own life when she was twelve years old. This really increased Hazuki’s anger towards the siblings – that they would put on such a dangerous game, but then not even fully explain why, or how actions now could save a life in the past. Hazuki deserved a better explanation. But she was still glad they had ultimately survived. Probably.

The final participant of the Nonary Game was Junpei. Junpei, who had been friends with Akane when they were children, before Akane had died (or something. Hazuki had resolved to not think about that part of it too much). He had apparently not seen her or even thought about her for years, and yet now he cannot stop obsessing over her. He had immediately quit school to go find her. Hazuki wishes Junpei would just let it go and get over her. She was ultimately glad that Akane had decided not to be part of their lives anymore – she just wants Junpei to join the rest of them in moving on. As it is, every time she speaks to Junpei now, he’ll either be talking non-stop about her, or otherwise moping because she hasn’t gotten in contact with him yet. He had joined Seven’s detective agency, so Hazuki hopes he will be able to keep a closer eye on Junpei, and keep him from going further over the edge.

So, despite feeling conflicted or neutral about most of the others who had been kidnapped for the Nonary Game last month alongside her, they had all decided to keep in touch, and this evening’s Christmas Party was born. Since Aoi and Akane could not be contacted, they had not been invited. Junpei was devastated when he found out, although Hazuki is privately relieved. She isn’t sure she wants to confront the Kurashiki siblings about what had happened anytime soon, so knowing they won’t be here will give her some much needed space to process those emotions. Hazuki still isn’t entirely sure why she got stuck with the hosting job – until Seven pointed out that they were the two “most adulty” adults, and thus had the most established homes out of the group, and that his was a small flat since he lived alone, whereas her house was the largest because it was where she had raised Nona and Ennea. So here she was, setting the table, and hoping that tonight would not go horribly wrong somehow.

Just then, Hazuki hears the door unlock, followed by a loud “We’re home!” in Nona’s voice, and a smaller “With Clover and Light” in Ennea’s. Hazuki looks up, and indeed sees all four of them entering.

After the Nonary Game last month, Hazuki had learnt that her daughters had been kidnapped nine years prior in order to participate in an almost-identical Nonary game. Hazuki was shocked to learn that the morphogenetic field, pseudoscience she brought up to distract Junpei from whatever his funyarinpa nonsense was, was real, and that Nona and Ennea were intimately embedded within it. More disturbing was that their abilities with the fields were the reason they, and the other sixteen children, were kidnapped for that Nonary Game. Nona had met Light during their Game, and Ennea had met Clover, although somehow (Hazuki wasn’t sure she’d ever fully understand it) they were all aware of each other through the fields.

After escaping the Game, the Egyptian woman, Alice, had directed the car to the SOIS base for questioning. Following that, SOIS had attempted to track down all 18 children from the first Nonary Game, and offered them jobs. From what Hazuki could gather, Aoi and Akane could not be found, but the other 16 young adults now, all accepted the government job. Hazuki’s daughters had been reunited with their friends from those nine hours, nine years ago, and they were all workmates now. Nona and Ennea had thus offered Clover and Light a lift back to the Christmas Party following work that day, and now they had all arrived.

“Hello, hello!” Hazuki calls out. “Welcome to my home!”

“Hello, Lotus! It’s great to see you again.” Clover ran over to give Hazuki a hug, while Light walked over more calmly, and shook her hand.

“Thank you for agreeing to host us, I’m sure your home is very beautiful.”

“I’d appreciate being called Hazuki now, rather than Lotus, but you’re quite welcome.”

After Nona and Ennea each give her a hug, Hazuki directs Clover and Light to place the Kris Kringle gifts on the coffee table, where three brightly wrapped boxes already sit.

“I’m so surprised we’re the first to arrive,” Clover comments, “since it usually takes me forever to get ready.”

“It helps that we came straight from work though,” Nona adds.

“True.”

“Even so, I would have expected Seven to be more punctual – or even early,” Light interjects, looking thoughtful.

As if on cue, Hazuki’s phone buzzes with a message from Seven. He had told the group his real name after the SOIS questioning, since by that point everyone else’s was known, and codenames no longer mattered, but then Clover had declared that he would always be “Seven” to the group, and since he hadn’t introduced himself nine years ago when he was rescuing her brother and the others, then he lost the privilege of being known by a name (or at least, it would take at least another nine years for his name to sound like a usable name). Seven just shrugged at that, and said he didn’t mind the nickname anyway, and only disclosed his name to be fair. So Seven he still was.

Seven was texting Hazuki to explain he would be late, since Junpei was more unresponsive as usual. Junpei was extremely erratic when it came into keeping in touch – he would often go a week at a time before saying anything. Seven had taken to checking on Junpei when he didn’t respond to texts, and so he was giving Junpei a lift to Hazuki’s place (even if he, quote, had to drag him kicking and screaming).

“You’re right,” Hazuki announces to the group. “Seven was intending to be right on time, but he’s picking up Junpei, and today is apparently not one of Junpei’s better days.”

Nona and Ennea glance at each other as she says this, while Clover purses her lips and looks away. It’s Light who responds.

“Well, Junpei will be coming to the right place. We’re his friends, hopefully we can distract him tonight with food and jokes.”

Noises of affirmation heard all around, Hazuki sighs with relief as the conversation smoothly continues on. As a mother to children Junpei’s age, she worries about him. He rarely seems to discuss his parents or other family, or even other friends. His focus is completely trained upon Akane, and little else seems to occupy his time. She doesn’t want to baby him, though, and does her best to treat him as a regular adult, and avoids mentioning Akane Kurashiki whenever she can.

After about twenty minutes of conversation, the ringing of the doorbell cuts through and interrupts. Hazuki excuses herself, opens the door, and finds herself face to face with a grim Seven and a sullen Junpei. Upon seeing her, Seven grins, says “Merry Christmas”, and holds out his gift for the Kris Kringle. Junpei offers a small “Hi”, and Hazuki ushers them both inside.

“Ayyyy! They’re here!” Clover calls out.

“Junpei! What are you wearing?” Light says. “The colours clash horribly – I think it’s going to blind me!”

Junpei looks down at his all black outfit and scowls at Light but doesn’t say anything. Hazuki still chalks it up as a win – he doesn’t look as listless as he did before anymore.

Nona then steps up with Ennea following. Hazuki smiles when she sees this, as it has been their dynamic ever since they were small, Nona charging up and speaking for both of them, and Ennea being quieter behind.

“Hello Seven! And you must be Junpei. I’m Nona, and this is Ennea,” Nona introduces. “Nice to finally meet you after all these years.”

“Y- years? What do you mean years?”

“Akane mentioned you nine years ago. You were the one who told her about checking if the elevator was dry, to make sure we wouldn’t drown.” Nona steps closer to Junpei. “I was one of the four who went down the elevator at first, to check on Door 2 with Ren. Because of you, we didn’t drown. Of course we’d remember your name.”

“Of course,” Ennea adds, stepping forward as well, “we didn’t imagine at the time that you’d be an adult. But it was only weeks ago for you, wasn’t it? And not years, like it was for us.”

“And what on Earth did you mean by ‘boys don’t drown’? Of course boys drown! You idiot!” Nona flicks Junpei on the nose, and giggles when he takes half a step back, eyes wide and bewilderment clear on his face.

“Wh- what? You heard all that?”

Light smirks. “We didn’t hear your conversation, but Akane certainly repeated it for the rest of us.”

Junpei groans, and drops his head into both palms, just as Clover pouts and bemoans how it’s not fair that she didn’t get to witness that conversation, and that it’s not fair that her connection to Light is not two-way, like Ennea’s is to Nona. That’s news to Hazuki. She assumed all morphogenetic field connections were two-way, since that’s what she’s witnessed for years in her daughters. Hazuki raises an eyebrow and glances at Seven, who just smiles fondly at the others.

Ice broken, they begin to move to the table. The turkey is sitting in the middle, surrounded by various dishes, including a whole leg of ham and a potato bake. There are slices of cured salmon, meatballs and lingonberry jam, roasted vegetables, halved boiled eggs, bread rolls, and frankfurter sausages. Sitting on each plate are the Christmas crackers.

Soon enough, cracks fill the air as the crackers are pulled. Brightly coloured tissue paper crowns rest atop of everyone’s heads, and terrible jokes are being shouted across the table. The plastic items inside the crackers are looked at with mild curiosity before being forgotten for the rest of the meal. Long after all the crackers are gone, Junpei, Seven, and Nona have engaged in a heated pun and dad joke war. There’s a comment shouted over that din that the terrible jokes are supposed to end when the crackers end, as everyone digs into the food.

The clatter of cutlery against the plates begins to die down as everyone finishes. Hazuki is feeling comfortably full as she looks around the table, a feeling of satisfaction at seeing almost everyone’s empty plates. Junpei’s is still mostly full of food, and it looks as though he barely touched it. Hazuki doesn’t take it as a slight against her cooking, as Junpei’s appetite has been lacking lately, and mostly feels sorry for him. She doesn’t dwell on it though, as she doesn’t want to lower the otherwise lively mood – Clover and Ennea are excitedly chatting and practicing some of the ASL that Sachiko has taught them, while Nona, Light, and Seven are chatting about what each of them got up to in the nine years since they first met.

Nona glances over at Hazuki, then looks at Ennea, and then both of them get up to start clearing the table, telling Hazuki to stay sitting. Hazuki still can’t quite believe that the “twin thing” she had joked about all those years ago was real, and not just limited to twins.

“Ah, is it Kris Kringle time?” Seven says. “I’ll grab the gifts, you four stay put”

Junpei complies – Hazuki isn’t entirely sure he was even paying attention – but Light grumbles that being blind and missing an arm doesn’t make him incapable of helping, and gets up anyway to assist Seven. Clover takes one look at her brother, and stays seated, explaining that when he’s like this, he’d rather not have help either, so it was simpler to just… let him be.

Soon enough, the table is cleared and the gifts are in a pile in the centre of the table. Ennea fetches a couple of dice and Clover takes one look at them and bursts into laughter. She points to Junpei and says “no dice”, continuing to laugh. Hazuki smiles in wry amusement and Seven chuckles at this, when the doorbell rings unexpectedly. Still standing, Ennea goes to the door and opens it, silent shock radiating from her. A shout of “No way!” from Nona, before she leaps up and runs to the door.

Curiosity piqued, Hazuki begins to rise from her seat, when Nona says, “Well don’t just stand there, let them in Ennea!”

It’s two people Hazuki was beginning to think she’d never see again. The two people who orchestrated the entire game last month.

“Aoi? Akane?”

At the mention of “Akane”, Junpei finally looks up, and sees her.

“Akane? You’re here? Why?” Junpei is just staring in shock and disbelief – which is exactly what everyone else is doing, too.

“I’m sorry for turning up uninvited,” Akane begins, but Junpei interrupts her.

“Don’t apologise for that! I’m just so glad you’re here! But… why didn’t you come find us sooner? How did you know we would all be here?”

“We couldn’t come earlier,” Aoi says sternly. “What we did was not exactly within the bounds of legality, and we couldn’t be sure you wouldn’t turn us into the police. And if you start to do so now we’re marching straight back out again. I didn’t even want to show up here and now, but Akane… she insisted. She said we had to do this.”

“Junpei, I’m so sorry. I just. I had to disappear like that.” Akane tries to be gentle but Hazuki can detect a hint of impatience in what she is saying.

“Okay so you had to leave or whatever, that’s fine,” Clover interrupts. “But like, I know Lotus wasn’t able to contact you two. Because you left. So how on Earth did you know we’d all be here? Like not to make you feel unwelcome or anything but…?”

Akane places her head in her hands, and sheepishly says “I got it from Junpei, via the Morphogentic Fields. We’re still connected.”

“Wait… you got my location via the field? Why couldn’t I get yours?”

“Well um, Junpei… I have a bit more experience with the fields…”

“What she means to say,” Aoi interrupts, “is that she’s amazing at them and your abilities are non-existent. You were only able to connect to her before because she was able to reach across the nine years and connect. You can’t do jackshit on your own. She was able to read the invitation Lotus sent you, but even if Akane was standing in a room with flashing neon lights saying ‘we are here’ you would get nothing from her, unless she chose for you to get it”

“So Akane is able to spy on Junpei whenever she likes, and he gets no say in the matter?” Light asks quietly.

Akane says nothing, and looks to the ground. Junpei glares at everyone and no one. Aoi freezes, as though he hadn’t considered it in those words before.

“No… I don’t think that’s quite right,” Ennea pipes up.

“Yeah. We’re able to block each other out if the other is annoying us too much,” Nona adds.

“So if we don’t want to be connected… then we won’t be.”

“And since we know Junpei quit uni to search for Akane, he wants to find her. He opened himself up to her. She can connect to him through the morphogenetic field because, on some level, he wants her to.”

“No!” Junpei suddenly shouts. “I don’t want her to, to, to spy on me! I just… don’t want her to disappear!”

“I can’t block Light though.” Clover turns to her brother. “Can I?”

Light looks thoughtful. “Well, I can’t say I’ve ever been aware of you blocking me. Sometimes I don’t get anything from you, but I don’t know if that was intentional on your part or just…”

“So can we only block each other because our connection is equal in each direction?” Nona asks.

“But so was ours!” Junpei bursts out. “Back in the incinerator, I could hear her, and when I spoke, she responded! It’s like we were talking in real time!”

“She’s just that much better at it then you. She can transmit and receive powerfully enough that she could simulate that. I don’t think you can block her,” Aoi says. “For what it’s worth, I don’t get a choice either. She either chooses to give me something, or get something from me, and otherwise I can’t connect to her either.”

“I don’t want to be spied on,” Junpei repeats in a quiet voice, staring at the floor.

There’s silence for a moment, as though no one knows how to respond to that.

“Well, you’re here now aren’t you? So you may as well join us and sit down, right?” Seven looks at Hazuki in confirmation, and she nods. “Have you eaten yet? Yes? That’s good, I think we pretty much demolished everything here, we were just about to get on to the Kris Kringle game. Perfect timing for you to show up, Santa Claus. What have you got in your sack of goodies?”

“My. Name. Is. Aoi.” Aoi says through gritted teeth. “Yes, we did bring gifts, but stop calling me Santa!” He holds up two wrapped boxes, a cylinder and a flat rectangle, and places them on the table sharply.

“Is that another thing you stole from my brain?” Junpei retorts.

“I mean,” Akane begins, “it is a Christmas party, is it not? So gifts were an obvious thing to bring.” Junpei’s glare doesn’t abate, and Akane sighs and adds, “Okay yes, I read that on the invitation too. Happy now?”

Before another argument could get under way, Clover picks up the dice Ennea brought over earlier, and says, “Okay forget about all that. Let’s play! I’m the youngest so I should start!”

Relieved by the distraction, Hazuki raises her eyebrow and says “Sure. Provided you don’t insist on age order for the rest of it, and settle for a simple clockwise direction.”

Clover says “Deal” at the same moment that Junpei mutters “You just don’t want it to be obvious that you’re like the oldest one here or close to.”

“Oi! Just because you’re grumpy is no excuse to turn on me young man!”

Before Hazuki could continue yelling at Junpei’s blatant disrespect (how dare he!), Clover throws the dice down onto the table, perhaps harder than necessary, where they clatter for a few seconds before turning up as a one and a three.

“Aww,” Clover whines, as she pushes the dice to her left to Nona. Nona rolls the dice less forcefully than Clover, and ends up with a three and a five. She just smiles, and passes the dice to Light, making sure they drop into his hands. He rolls, and Nona cranes over to see what he got.

“First double,” she announces. “Two ones.”

“Wait, seriously?” Clover asks, and gets out of her seat to see for herself.

“She’s right,” Seven, to Light’s left and at the head of the table, says. “Snake eyes, huh? What are the chances of that?”

Light smirks. “Clearly I chose the right name for myself six weeks ago.” He reaches out and grabs the closest gift in the pile, as Seven grabs the dice and rolls.

The game continues. Doubles on the dice are rewarded with choosing a present from the centre, until they’re all gone, and then the players are free to steal the gifts from each other. Hazuki doesn’t miss how Junpei keeps on snatching the gifts brought by the Kurashiki siblings, despite the intermittent glares he keeps on sending them.

Soon enough, the timer on Ennea’s phone goes off and the game ends. Everyone stops to take in each other’s hoards. Clover has a pleased grin on her face as she notices that she has the largest hoard, with three gifts. Light and Ennea managed to snag two each, while Aoi and Junpei each have a single gift. Hazuki, Seven, Nona, and Akane all have no gifts. Ennea immediately hands one of her gifts to Nona, seated across from her, while Light offers one of his gifts to Hazuki, seated across from him. After a beat, Clover notices everyone looking pointedly at her, sighs long-sufferingly, and gives a gift each to Seven and Aoi.

The group then opens the gifts. Hazuki unwraps the small package from Clover, and finds a deck of playing cards. Hazuki turns to Clover to thank her, but is greeted by the sight of Clover staring suspiciously at a packet of chips, and then putting one in her mouth. Almost immediately, she yells at Junpei about the chilli flavour while simultaneously offering them to everyone around her. Aoi absent-mindedly takes a chip and eats it without flinching while fiddling with the three-dimensional puzzle he received from Light, trying to pull it apart. Next to Aoi, at the end of the table, is Akane with the mini succulent that Ennea bought.

Just then, a loud shout sounds out. Nona is holding what appears to be a Pringles can, but instead of Pringles inside, is a giant stuffed snake. Nona glares at Aoi, while he just grins and offers her a thumbs up, leaning back on his chair and thoroughly enjoying himself. She stuffs the snake back inside the Pringles can, closes the lid, and throws it at Aoi. It hits him in the face, dislodging the lid, so the snake leaps out again. Aoi falls off his chair, and glares at Nona, and then at his sister when she also starts laughing.

Hazuki tears her eyes away from the sight, and looks back at Light. He received the bottle of wine she had bought, and is sniffing it to identify it. He seems to sense that she is watching him, as he turns to face her and thank her for the gift.

“A joke book!” Ennea exclaims from Hazuki’s left. “And they’re not even good jokes. They’re terrible puns and dad jokes. Almost worse than the Christmas crackers earlier! Seven, why do you wish for me to suffer in this manner?”

Seven just laughs and holds up the notebook and coloured gel pens he received from Nona. “Your sister has just granted me the means to create even more jokes, and worse ones. Just you wait for next year!”

Ennea groans, dropping her face into her arms. “Just kill me now. End my suffering, please,” she jokes.

Hazuki laughs and looks beyond Ennea to Junpei to see what he received. He’s holding yet another book, looking between it and Akane and back again.

“What’s wrong with it, Junpei?” Hazuki asks.

“It’s a Sudoku book!” Junpei exclaims. “It’s like she’s taunting me about last month!”

Clover starts laughing. “Oh man. That would’ve been terrible for any of us to receive since we’ve all been in that incinerator – but especially you!”

Junpei glares again. “Akane! Did you do this on purpose?”

“Do what?” Akane asks serenely. “I did indeed exchange money to obtain that book… but I didn’t purposely give it to you. You kept on grabbing it yourself!”

Aoi smirks. “She was pretty sure you’d go for the one from her though.”

“Hey! Don’t expose me like that!” Akane turns in her seat and playfully hits her brother, before turning back to Junpei. “I’m sorry, this wasn’t meant to cause distress. You at least don’t have a time limit for any of these.”

Junpei scowls. “I guess.”

“Junpei – you’ve been trying so hard to find Akane,” Hazuki begins. “Now that she’s here, why are you being so hostile towards her?”

“I- I don’t… she’s just confusing! Why a Sudoku book? Why does she get to disappear and then come back without warning? Why is she allowed to spy on me? I don’t understand!”

Aoi leans over to Akane, and quietly says, “I think we’ve overstayed our welcome. We should go before we make things worse.”

Akane nods and stands. “Hazuki, thank you so much for opening your home to us. It was lovely seeing you all again one last time but it’s time for us to go.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Aoi adds. “Merry Christmas, happy holidays, all that jazz.”

“Wait.” Junpei gets out of his chair. “What do you mean by ‘one last time’? Are you leaving again? Why’d you come back if you’re only going to leave again? Why are you leaving me?”

Akane just looks heartbroken as Junpei keeps on talking. Junpei’s arm reaches up, reaches for her, but stops before touching her. Akane doesn’t look at Junpei, mumbles another apology, and turns around and back towards Hazuki’s front door. Aoi offers Junpei a final, “Sorry, man, we both wish we didn’t have to do this,” before following his sister out the door. Junpei’s arm continues hanging in the air where Akane used to be, before it drops to his side. Junpei bows his head, and Hazuki can see his body shaking, while everyone else stays sitting at the table in stunned silence.

Clover is the first to break the silence. “They’re… gone. Just like that. They’re gone.”

Seven gets up, walks past Hazuki to Junpei and grips his shoulder. “Hey man. How are you holding up?”

Silent sobs continue wracking Junpei’s body as he struggles to draw breath, let alone respond. Seven draws him into a hug, enveloping him and shielding him from the stares of the others.

“I think we’ll head home now,” Seven says, not releasing his hold upon Junpei. He meets Hazuki’s eyes over the top of Junpei’s head. “Thank you so much for your hospitality. I hope you have a wonderful holiday. Thanks everyone for an enjoyable evening. Come on, Junpei.”

One arm still around Junpei, and they too leave.

“Poor Junpei,” Ennea whispers.

“How did Akane change so much?” Nona wonders. “She’s nothing like what she was nine years ago.”

“The incinerator,” Light says. “None of us can know exactly what she went through in there.”

“But… she survived, didn’t she?” Clover asks. “She’s here now, we did the Nonary Game last month to save her life. So she shut it off. So it’s just like what happened when Junpei shut it off for us last month, or when Reed solved it for Ennea’s group nine years ago, right?”

“There are infinitely many timelines where she died,” Light says. “There’s only one where she survived.”

“But that’s this timeline! She survived here!”

“I still remember her dying. I remember her screams and I remember Aoi collapsing on the floor when the door opened and all he saw was ash. I also remember Akane surviving. I imagine if I can remember Akane dying, so can she. She probably fully remembers burning to death until she no longer existed. That would change a person.”

“I remember her dying,” Ennea mumbles. “Nona remembers her surviving.”

“Y-yeah. I think I can understand how she would remember dying too,” Nona says.

Hazuki doesn’t know what to say. She didn’t even find out about the first Nonary Game until she had already been through her Nonary Game, and even during her game she didn’t have the pressure of either finding or sending information through a, a, a pseudoscience! These four had that extra pressure, as well as being actual children at the time.

The silence stretches for a moment longer, and then Light says, perhaps a little too brightly, “This was a wonderful evening, Hazuki. However, I think we need to head home now as well. It’s late.”

Clover startles out of her thoughts and agrees. “You’re a wonderful cook, Lotus! If that’s what Nona and Ennea had growing up, they’re so lucky.”

Hazuki smiles. “Thank you. Happy holidays, and get home safe.”

“We will! I’m driving!” Clover grins. “Bye Ennea! Bye Nona!”

“Bye! See you soon!” Nona and Ennea chorused.

Once the door closes behind the Field siblings, Hazuki begins chewing her lip, worried.

“Did I somehow make it worse for Junpei, doing this?” she asks her daughters.

“No, Mum,” Nona says. “I think it was good for him to actually interact with people again.”

“Besides, you couldn’t know that Akane would show up, nor that that would affect him like that,” Ennea adds.

“I suppose,” Hazuki concedes. She still isn’t entirely convinced, but it isn’t just Junpei she worries about. Everyone who has been through a Nonary Game will carry those scars for life. They just have to take this one day at a time.

She wraps her daughters up in a hug, reminding herself that they’re still here, still alive. One day, this will all get easier. They just have to get there.

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Imagine:

Y/N having her cochlear implants turned on and hearing Erik’s voice for the first time.

Feat. Brown Eyed Girl by Tevin Campbell; my future wedding song and the song that my mom had playing for my first birthday party on VHS 😭😭😭. Enjoy!

Y/N was happy that she had her cochlear implants installed with surgery. Now, she could hear everything. She was profoundly deaf in her early 20’s. Being able to hear most of her life before all that was taken away from her was devastating. Learning sign language was the best thing about it when she started going deaf. It made her feel included. Her family learned just for her. Now, Y/N was at her older sister’s Christmas Wedding. She wore an elegant mermaid fit gown in a wine red color with her curly hair up in a sleek bun with gold accessories. The bridal party lined up outside of the doors before entering the area where the wedding was held. Their cue was Stevie Wonder’s- ribbon in the sky playing. She was so nervous because she didn’t want to fall in her heals and also because of the man she was supposed to walk down the aisle with. Her brother-in-Laws best friend, Erik Stevens:

The first time she met Erik was during the wedding rehearsals. Erik is a gorgeous man. Y/N and a few other women in the wedding party had eyes for Mr. Stevens. Y/N’s sister told her in sign language that Erik would walk down the aisle with her. Let’s just say the other ladies were jealous, even her sister's best friend saying some slick shit like, “she can’t even hear him if he talks to her.”

And Erik actually did try to talk to her. She couldn’t hear a word he said and he felt so embarrassed when he found out she couldn’t hear anymore. That’s when he surprised Y/N. During the rehearsal dinner at a nice steak house, Erik made himself comfortable next to Y/N, spending the entire dinner talking to her in sign language. He was so fucking sweet and intrigued by her. He found out that Y/N is an artist.

(I’d like to buy art from you if that’s cool) he asked her in sign language.

Then he started laying on the charm.

(I’m the luckiest man in the wedding party. You’re so freaking pretty. I was hoping your sis would pair me up with you. I can tell by the way you’re blushing right now that you feel the same way)

And she did.

“What are y’all talking about?!” Her sister's best friend would ask.

(Nothing hater, mind your business) Erik has Y/N in stitches causing her to clutch her stomach.

After the dinner, before Erik left, he pulled Y/N to the side to ask her one last thing, even though he knew she would say yes.

(Can I have your number so we can text, pretty girl?)

She nodded her head rapidly, eyes all wide, making Erik laugh. She was so adorable; Erik had a thing for adorable girls like Y/N. All soft and shy....

Hey Erik!

Don’t you look all fly!

Ooooo Y/N, you’re best man is here!

Hearing that was a magical moment for her. She didn’t want to tell Erik because she wanted it to be a surprise. When she allowed her pretty brown eyes to seek him out, he looked a little confused that everyone was talking to Y/N. She waved him over, everyone looking at them both like they were getting married. He approached her, the tailored black suit with gold tie on made him look like a classic man. He cleaned up so nicely.

(Why is everyone talking to you?) he looked a little irritated because he wasn’t aware of the fact that she could hear now.

“It’s because I can hear now.” She spoke with a shaky breath. Erik froze, staring at Y/N like a veil had been pulled back from her face.

“Really?”

She felt a shock wave throughout her body.

His voice... it was fruity, honeyed, smoky; sexually attractive in a slightly mysterious way, soft-spoken because of his quiet and gentle tone.

Y/N always imagined the different tones of Erik’s voice; how he sounded when speaking to her. She believed he could make his voice sound however he wanted. This moment was exactly what she imagined.

“Did I say something wrong?” His modulated voice had her shivering.

“No. I’m just...living in the moment right now...”

“Well, I’ll let you live in the moment, beautiful. I’m definitely living in the moment I can tell you that,” Now his voice was all husky; a deep rough voice but in an attractive way. This is probably the voice he put on to make bitches toes curl. That’s what her toes were doing right now in her heels.

Oh, so long for this night I've prayed

That a star would guide you my way

To share with me this special day

Well, a ribbon's in the sky for our love

The song began to play, Erik putting his arm out for Y/N to grab hold of. How was she going to focus now that she could hear Erik’s voice?

“You ready, Y/N? We’re walking in now.”

The way he said her name. She couldn’t hide her smile.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” She squeezes his arm.

Walking through those doors, seeing the luxury Christmas Holiday decorations all around she felt like she was in a Christmas wonderland. She just knew her sister was proud and excited about this. They took their places, and right after, her brother-in-law came down the aisle with his mother. He looked amazing as well, Y/N tried to blink away the waterworks. She looked over at Erik, watching the reaction on his face. He looked so proud of his best friend.

Brown-eyed girl come walk with me.

All eyes were on the bride. No words could explain how breathtaking her sister looked. Y/N thought the price of the gown was ridiculous but now, she understood.

Brown-eyed girl come talk with me.

Her brother in law could not hide his tears now. Erik places a hand on his shoulder.

I want to do all the things in love a man should do.

She was getting closer while walking with their father. Y/N was wiping her eyes now, uncaring of her makeup.

All the little things you want me to.

She came face to face with her brother-in-law.

Brown-eyed girl

Brown-eyed girl.

“Hey, brown-eyed girl.” He said, staring longingly into the eyes of her sister.

Y/N strained her neck to look at Erik, he caught her staring, giving her a charming smile. She couldn’t wait for the reception. They were going to talk and dance all night long.

@tgigoldie @soufcakmistress @chefjessypooh@chaneajoyyy@pananegra@theblulife @becincere @blaqwidow91 @fish-outta-watah@moonlight-night-sky @eyeknowmywrites  @crowngold@njadakillthiscookie@blktinkerbell@luvanxi @sheisexcellent1@chocolatedippedinhoney@brandithecrystalgem@dababydababydababydababy@soulfulbeauty19@btitannaaa@sunkissedebony97 @youngblackndgifted@harleycativy @rbhp@thee-germanpeach @thadelightfulone@bugngiz@palmstreesallday@skylahb @bakaris-shorty @nizzle-mo​ 

[moonlogw]

ControlMedicineFreedom

“There’s no medicine you know the cure”

Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to be high. My friends describe it as floating. Being out of body and being free. They tell me it’s the best they’ve ever felt.

But I just can’t make that step.

I can’t just let it go. I always have to have control.

I never let people drive me. I’ve never been in an accident so I don’t know why. But I feel safer behind the wheel. My own life is in my hands.

It’s easier that way.

Alcohol has a hold on our society. My college is known as one of the biggest party schools. Everyone I talk to is always talking about a party they went too or a story from when they were drunk and they turn to me.

“I’ve never had a sip of alcohol in my life.”

They’re always surprised. The questions never cease. It’s hard to explain to a stranger that your father is an alcoholic. It’s odd to tell them that because of alcohol you were emotionally and mentally abused for a majority of your childhood.

I just can’t let go.

I have to have control over my life and if it means no drugs or alcohol then I guess that’s fine.

Alcohol killed my grandpa. It was hard to watch him die at the young age of 14. He withered away before me in just a few short months. Cirrhosis of the liver.

He was the first person I knew to die besides my close friend in 3rd grade. But the concept was hard for me to grasp then.

In sixth grade I became aware of death. I realized that we would all die sometime and I couldn’t stand it, I would scream and cry and my parents had no idea how to console me.

How do you explain to an erratic eleven year old that they will die one day and they cant stop about it? Can’t control it.

I struggled with the concept of death for years after. In 2014, I lost both of my grandfathers a month after each other. Both right before thanksgiving and Christmas. We didn’t have a happy holiday that year.

Two years later in 2016 and 2017, I watched both of my grandmothers pass away. One from a quick heart problem. The other from a long spiral of dementia.

I don’t think I’ve ever properly grieved. I didn’t know how. After my grandpa died I didn’t cry for nearly six months until it all came crashing down. I still cry if I think about it too long. Or if I watch a movie with grandparents in it.

Just last night I cried about the possibility of naming my children after them. Their middle names Diane and Virginia. How sweet.

I miss them.

How do you cope? How do I move past this? I was told that grief gets easier but sometimes I’m so overwhelmed with the idea of losing people that I shut down.

I live 2 hours from home. I’m miserable. Growing up close with your family and then only seeing them once every two months is devastating.

I hate growing up.

I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could cherish everyone I’ve lost before I actually lost them. Maybe then I wouldn’t hate life so much.

I don’t take medicine for the same reason I don’t drink. I don’t want to be addicted. Addiction is a killer in my family. Even when it’s prescribed to me I’m always cautious.

How do you know that you’ll be addicted? What does it feel like? Like a piece of you is missing? You won’t know you need it until you get it? I think that’s what scares me the most.

It’s so easy for me to let people go because it’s harder to make them stay. I can’t handle confrontation. I always hope they come back but I know that they are happier without me. Their lives are no different without me in them.

I’m expendable.

And there’s no cure for all these thoughts in my head. There’s no medicine. I probably need ternary but will I ever go?

Probably not.

[sunmoonandeddie]

i wished on the moon for you

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

word count: 9,879

summary: After losing Bucky, you were devastated. So when Howard Stark asks for volunteers for an experiment, you're the first in line.

warnings: Some h*ckin’ words.

a/n:  So like. This is lowkey inspired by old jazz music. I've always loved jazz, and I just wanted to write something surrounding it. Let me know what you think!

"Army camps are strange," you said quietly, peering out the window curiously.

Your driver laughed a little, saying something about how you'd get used to it, but you paid him no mind.  You were too busy looking at your new home.  Men in army uniforms swarmed the area, and you realized just what you were getting yourself into as the car parked and the driver opened your door.  The was muddy, crowded, and the air reeked of testosterone.

"Y/N!"

You turned at the sound of a familiar voice, grinning as you saw the familiar brunette walking across the yard to you.  The men around her were parting like the Red Sea.  Her hair was perfectly curled, as always, her lips painted a bright red.  Peggy Carter was just as perfect as she had been in school.

"Peggy!" You said happily as you embraced her.  "I've missed you so much!"

It had only been a year since you had graduated from your overly priced boarding school, but you hadn't gotten to see your roommate in that entire year, despite the fact that she had relocated to America to help with the war efforts right after.  Mostly because your parents had been determined to keep you at home, in the deep south of Louisiana, and Peggy had been stationed up north in New York.

She pulled away from you, her hands resting on your shoulders.  "I have so much to show you.  And Abraham is ecstatic to meet you."

Ah, yes.  Abraham Erskine.  Your new boss.  The entire reason you had gotten to come was because Peggy had mentioned how gifted you were in science, and because the man trusted her so much, he had agreed to hire you.  Your parents had been appalled at first.  They knew, of course, how smart you were, but they expected you to focus on getting a husband and having kids after you had come home.  You were supposed to settle down with a nice, Southern boy of the corn-fed variety and have at least four children.  It was what they did, what your sisters and brothers did, and it was only natural that they expected it of you, too.  Even though you had been given some leeway as the youngest of the family, your parents were starting to get impatient.  Your hope chest was the only one left, and your mama reminded you every chance she got.  Typically, only the first born girl got a hope chest, but your daddy had insisted that every single one of you did.

You envied Peggy, in that her parents wanted her to follow her passion, even if it meant moving across the ocean.

She led you through the camp as the men started to notice you.  It was hard not to, since you and Peggy were the only women in a ten mile radius, and they certainly weren't getting anything out of her.  When you finally found Erskine, he was standing beside another man and watching a group of soldiers doing push ups.

"Dr. Erskine, this is Y/N L/N," she said.

The man turned to look at you, shaking your hand firmly as he clasped it with the other.  "Ms. L/N, I've heard so many good things about you.  I'm so excited to work with you."

His accent took you by surprise, but you didn't let it show as you shook his hand back.  "The pleasure is all mine, Doctor."

"And this is Colonel Chester Phillips," she said, motioning to the man that Erskine had been speaking with.  He let out a grunt in replying, and Peggy rolled her eyes before turning back to watch the group of soldiers.

When you noticed the way Peggy was looking at one of the men, a scrawny one that looked more like a boy, you nudged her.  "What happened to your no dating rule?"

"That was in school," she replied with an eye roll.  She was pretending as though it was no big deal, but the blush on her cheeks said otherwise.  "And you had the same rule, too, you know."

"I'm not the one staring lustfully at one of the men you're commanding," you teased, giggling as she smacked your arm.  "But, really.  Who is he?"

"His name is Steve Rogers," Peggy said.  You had never seen her look at someone in that way, and it kind of confused you.  She hadn't liked anyone in school, always claiming that the men were too immature and she didn't have time for them.  You had adopted the same mentality after a while, which is probably why your parents didn't like Peggy too much.

The two of you went quiet, listening to the two men beside you talk.  Something about a serum.  You were a little surprised when Colonel Phillips grabbed a grenade and pulled the pin, but you relaxed when you realized it was a dummy.  The men he had thrown it towards, however, had no idea.  They began to scramble, and the man that Phillips wanted to have the serum ran, while Rogers threw himself on top of it.

You took a glance at Peggy, who was smirking triumphantly as he yelled for everyone to run.  "He clearly has no regard for his own life and safety," you commented, but you were grinning.  You could tell he had a good heart, and that was more important to you than being a good soldier.

You spent months with the army, even after Steve was given the serum and Dr. Erskine died.  Having been given the most knowledge about the program, you had been asked to stay on.  So you traveled with Peggy, staying in the same room and working side by side.  It almost felt like grade school all over again.  The only difference was that you were in a country side in Austria and not the center of London.

"When he gets back, you should tell him how you feel," you said to Peggy.  The two of you were standing in a tent, a radio nearby.  Steve had left on a mission to rescue a group of POWs days ago and you could tell how anxious she was.  So you just kept telling her things the two of them could do when he got back, like dancing.  The two of you had loved to go to the dance halls in England, but hadn't had time since the war started.  "Maybe you two could go to that diner on Broadway?  They have that delicious apple pie that tastes like it's from down south."  She had always teased you on how adamant you were that southern baking was better, but you stuck by it.

She stood up suddenly, her eyes going wide.  "Is that..."  You followed her as she made her way out of the tent.  She was completely focused on the horizon, and you realized as you kept walking, that there was a massive amount of men walking towards the camp.

And at the very front, was Steve Rogers.

Peggy froze, and you took the moment to nudge her forward.  "Go."

She didn't need any more convincing.  She walked towards him with a purpose, her stride sure and her hands in fists at her side.  But you could tell by the way she was biting her lip that she was nervous.  You didn't hear what was said, standing back a little as you watched her make what you were sure was some kind of smart ass comment.

"Let's hear it for Captain America!" You heard someone shout, and you laughed a little as you watched the men erupt into cheers.  You hadn't seen the men this happy in a long, long time.  Most of the time they wore sullen faces that matched the dreary weather.  But now, even though they were hungry, covered in mud, and far from their homes, they had a ray of hope in the form of Steve Rogers.

You made your way back to you and Peggy's quarters, turning on the radio.  It took you a minute or two to find a station that was playing music instead of news about the war, but when you did, you turned it up loud.  Music was something you had missed while on the road.  You were usually too busy to just stop and enjoy it, since you were constantly trying to decipher Erskine's notes.  There were stacks upon stacks of his journals on your desk, but you ignored all of that for the moment.  Hundreds of men had made it back alive today after days of thinking the worst.  That deserved a little celebration.

So you kicked off your shoes and you sang.  At first it started out with just a few phrases, the sound timid and soft, but soon you were belting along with it.  You were completely losing yourself in the music.  You sang word for word with Billie Holiday, one of your favorite artists, as she sang 'I Wished on the Moon.'  It was an older track, released in 1935, and she was only a feature on it, but it was still your favorite song of hers.

You jumped as you heard a knock on the door, turning to see a man with shaggy brown hair and stubble lining his jaw in the doorway.  "Is, uh...  Is Steve here?"

Frowning, you crossed your arms over your chest.  You were a little embarrassed that someone had caught you singing with the radio, if you were honest.  You were technically a superior, even if you were a scientist.  "Depends on who's asking."  Even though Steve wasn't there, you didn't know who this man was or what he wanted.

"I'm James.  Steve's friend," he said, his eyes focused on you with a type of intensity that you couldn't place.  But it made your cheeks warm the longer he looked at you.  "My friends call me Bucky."

Recognition dawned on your face as you pointed at him.  "You're Steve's friend from Brooklyn?"  When he nodded, you smiled a little, relaxing as you realized that he was one of the people that had just been saved from the HYDRA base.  "He's told Peggy and me a lot about you."

"So...  Is he here?"

You were about to tell him no, he wasn't, when the man in question came up behind him, Peggy by his side.  "You lookin' for me, Buck?"

Peggy's gaze landed on you as she squeezed past the two men, taking notice of the song playing.  "You still love this song?"

You shrugged as you moved over to turn it down slightly.  "You know me.  Billie Holiday will always be one of the best artists, in my opinion."

"So I see you've met Y/N," Steve said, bringing your attention back as he clapped a hand on Bucky's shoulder.  "She was working as Dr. Erskine's assistant when they turned me into..."  He motioned at his body, not sure how to explain it.  "This."

"I didn't realize you were a scientist," Bucky said in shock, his eyebrows furrowing.

"She's always been smart.  She graduated top of our class at school, beating even me," Peggy said proudly, a smirk on her lips.  You had always thought that she was the person most proud of you, and you were always reminded of it when she started to brag about you.  "I finally managed to get her out of Louisiana by telling Erskine about her.  He seemed pretty eager to take on an assistant.  Y/N's actually taken over his job since he died."

"It's really not that exciting," you insisted as you waved her off, wrapping your arms around yourself.  "I spend most of my time trying to decipher his notes and what they mean.  Peggy's the one that actually trained all the super soldier candidates."

"No," Bucky said, shaking his head.  "Don't put down your work.  It's impressive."  He looked at you with a sort of wonder, and that added with the way he had been looking at you before meant only one thing.

You were in trouble.

You bit your lip as you sat at the bar with Peggy, sipping on a glass of whiskey.  It gave you a little taste of home, reminding you of how your mama would shoot you a wink as she slipped in a little bit of whiskey into your sweet tea.  She always made sure your daddy was none the wiser, since he would've thrown a fit if he had known that his little princess was drinking.

Oh, how you missed the long summer days that would fade into warm, sultry nights.  Before your sisters got married, the three of you would sneak out and go to the dances in town, taking shots of alcohol from whatever soldier caught your fancy that night.  You were never really interested in any of them, never even them give you a kiss goodnight.  They could walk you home, and sometimes even hold their hand if they were lucky, but you never kissed them.  None of them were worthy.  They were just looking for someone to have one last romp in the sheets with before they shipped out to Europe.

You didn't want that.  You didn't want to be wooed and then tossed to the side.  All those men ever saw you for was your beauty.  They saw your pretty face and that was it.  They didn't care about the fact that you had a mind.  So you had waited.  You had ignored the teasing from your sisters as they snuck off to the soldier's beds, sleeping with a multitude of men before they were married.  They had joked that you were going to be the only one to actually deserve to wear white on her wedding day.  Your parents and your two brothers could never know, of course.  They would've shot every soldier in town and then locked the three of you in your rooms until you turned fifty.  Not to mention nailing the window shut, like your childhood friend, Elizabeth Ann's, parents did when they caught her sneaking out.

"—every time I think he's going to ask me on a date, he doesn't," Peggy ranted, throwing back a shot of vodka.  Her nose scrunched up in disgust as she shook her head.  "I don't get it.  I haven't exactly been subtle with my flirting."

"Peggy," you said, a smile tugging on your lips, "in case you haven't noticed, you're a little bit intimidating."

"I'm not intimidating!"

You couldn't help but giggle, feeling the alcohol start to take effect as you looked at your best friend.  "Every man in here is terrified to talk to you."  You shook her shoulder playfully.  "It's because you're strong.  And men are scared of strong women."

"Maybe that's why Bucky hasn't asked you out yet," Peggy replied, raising a perfectly trimmed eyebrow at you.

You sputtered, choking a little on the whiskey.  "What?  Why would you say that?"

She rolled her eyes, turning herself in her bar stool to look out at the sea of men in the bar.  They were all in uniform, but you could easily pick out Bucky.  He was sitting in the back with a group of about eight men, plus Steve.  His head was thrown back in a laugh, his hand resting on Steve's shoulder.  He was absolutely radiant.  Even when he got in one of his moods where the only people he wanted to talk to were Steve, Peggy, and you, he was beautiful.

"Because you and Bucky do this all the time."

Your focus turned back to her, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion.  "Do what?"

"This!"  She motioned at you sloppily, the alcohol clearly taking it's toll.  You hadn't seen her this tipsy since you snuck a bottle of liquor into your dorm room.  "You two love to do this whole wistful staring when the other isn't watching thing, but the moment the other turns around, you look away!  It's positively, absolutely pitiful!"

 You shook your head, sputtering.  "I don't do that!  I don't do wistful staring!"  You threw back the rest of your whiskey, turning to look at the bartender as you slid the glass to him.  "I'm the ruthless southern belle that's broken the hearts of a thousand men, remember?  And half of them were soldiers!"  Peggy had always loved hearing stories about your summer when you went back to school, and it became an inside joke that you were a heartbreaker, simply because you didn't let men walk all over you.

"Mind if I buy you another?"

You whirled around to see Bucky standing there, a soft smile on his lips.  Swallowing, you nodded, and he raised a hand to call over the bartender.  After the glass of whiskey was slid across the bar to you, he turned to look at you once again.  "So what's this about being a ruthless southern belle?"  He took a seat on the stool next to you, and you were extremely aware of how his thigh brushed against yours.  "And have you really broken the hearts of a thousand men?"

Groaning, you shot a glare at Peggy who had abandoned you and was walking towards a blushing Steve Rogers.  "You heard that?"

"I most certainly did, and now I want the whole story."

He had a mischievous glint in his eye that made your knees weak, and you had to hold yourself back from kissing the smirk of those stupid lips of his.  He was cocky.  Usually it would make you run far, far away from a man, but he had a certain boyish charm that made you want to know more.  You hated to admit it, but Peggy was kind of right about the wistful staring.  In the six months since he had been rescued, you had spent a lot of time with him.  Peggy and Steve spent most of their time together when they weren't busy with missions, and you and Bucky were always dragged along.  Since both of your respective best friends were too wrapped up in each other to notice you, it ended with the two of you becoming extremely close.

So you told him.  You told him about all the times you had broken a man's heart.  Most of them were the same, but he still insisted.  You would sneak out with your sisters to go to the dances, and when a soldier tried making a move on you, you'd turn him down.  There were a few in there about boys you had grown up with trying to romance you, too.  The entire time, Bucky was laughing and making jokes about how badly you must've hurt them, which in turn would throw you into a fit of giggles.

You weren't sure how long the two of you had been sitting there talking when he paused, looking at you for a long moment.  He bit his lip, as though he was trying to make a big decision.  Finally, he held his hand out to you.  "Would you like to dance?"

Frowning, you looked out at the bar.  "But it's so crowded.  And no one else is dancing."  You wanted to say yes.  God, you really wanted to say yes.  But you also knew that if you danced with him, the other men wouldn't ever stop making comments about you.  They already did, but it would increase tenfold, and it would be nothing good.

You watched as Bucky slid off his stool, fixing his hat.  "Then I think it's time we leave this bar and find a dance hall."

Looking at him in shock, you shook your head.  "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well," he said, his blue eyes glimmering even in the dim lighting, "I want to dance with you.  And if that means I have to find a dance hall, then that's what I'm gonna do."  He held out his hand to you, waiting for you to take it.  Seeming to sense your hesitation, he leaned his head down slightly, his voice no louder than a whisper, "Do you trust me?"

As much as the thought of opening up your heart to someone scared you, you did trust him.  "Yes."

The grin that spread across his face was contagious as you placed your hand delicately in his, his fingers intertwining with yours as he pulled you out into the warm air.  Summers in Austria were colder than Louisiana, but it was still summer.  The feeling of freedom and adventures to be had lingered in the air, the night breeze gently twisting through your hair.  The streetlights cast a soft glow on Bucky's face as you glanced up at him, quickly looking down when you caught him already looking at you.

"Why didn't you let any of those soldiers kiss you?" He asked.  His voice was soft and sweet, his hand still holding yours.  To the other people in the street, you looked like just another young couple wandering around, too drunk on each other to notice anyone else.

You shrugged a little as you kept your eyes forward.  "All those men wanted was a quick, drunken romp.  They would've forgotten about it the next night as they found some other girl to take home.  Or, they want to find a woman that they can make into their little housewife to come home to after the way."  The frustration you had gone through as a teenager was evident on your face as you frowned.  "I never wanted that life.  I didn't want to be one of those women that gives up her life, her career, because she meets a man.  My sisters live that life, and I don't see the appeal.  They're pushing out babies as fast as they can, only for the nannies to raise them while they get drunk at two in the afternoon."

"I see."  Despite his short reply, you could tell how invested he was, how he was hanging on to every word you spoke.  You briefly noted how his thumb was rubbing against the bank of your hand as you headed towards the sound of jazz music down the street.  Light was pouring out from a building a few blocks down, and you could see young couples standing outside to get some fresh air before heading back in.

"My brothers are just like those soldiers.  They chose the girls they married based on their pretty faces, not who they are as people."  Your voice got quiet as you started to delve into a little bit more of what exactly the problem was.  It was a little more personal.  "Those men who kept trying to take me out only saw my face.  They didn't care about the fact that I have opinions and dreams.  I have goals in life."  You let out a long sigh.  "I want someone to fall in love because of who I am.  Not because I'm pretty."  You finally looked at Bucky again, only to find him staring at you with a little bit of sadness.  "What?"

He stopped, the streetlight behind him casting a halo-like glow around him.  His hands held onto yours, squeezing softly.  "Y/N, you are the most vivacious woman I have ever met.  You're witty and intelligent, with a tongue sharper than anyone I know."  His eyes stayed locked on yours, your jaw dropping slightly.  "You are extraordinary.  Don't let anyone tell you differently."

You didn't know what to say.  You had dreamed for so long of someone saying those words to you, and here it was.  Finally swallowing the lump in your throat, you let out a bit of a laugh as you looked down in embarrassment.  "I'm sorry.  I've just...  No one's ever said those kinds of things to me before."

Bucky smiled, using two fingers to gently tilt your head up to face him.  "How about that dance?"

The day that Bucky died started like any other.  You woke up to the feeling of his lips pressed against your temple as he started to climb out of the bed.  It was before dawn, but you knew that he had to get back before the camp wake up call.  Otherwise, you'd never hear the end of it.  You had tried to tell him that you didn't care about their jokes, but he did.  He had insisted that he didn't want your reputation tarnished just because of him.

"You could stay," you murmured, blinking your eyes open to see him pulling on his shirt.

He turned to look at you with such a soft smile that it made your heart melt.  His hair was still mussed from sleep, a red line on his face from the pillow.  "You know why I can't," he said, but he crawled back into bed as you sat up to lean on your elbows.  Pressing kisses all over your face, his fingers wound through your hair.  "I love you so much."

"With how much you sneak out of here before sunrise, you'd think you were trying to hide me from your friends," you teased, closing your eyes as you relished in his affections.  There was definitely no way he was hiding you.  He took every chance he could to kiss you in front of his friends, his arms wrapping around your waist to hold you close.  He had made his claim on you as soon as you let him, since the comments the other men would sometimes make about you rubbed him the wrong way.  You had called it being jealous.  Either way, the other soldiers had stopped making suggestive comments, even if it was only in front of him.

Bucky pulled you closer to him, his hands resting on your waist right under your night top.  "Just for that comment, I'm going to give you the biggest, sloppiest kiss in front of the entire camp today," he said, and you started squealing with laughter as his fingers ran up and down your sides, tickling you.

"J-James!  Stop it!  James!"  You laughed and wrapped your arms around his neck, falling back onto the bed in a flurry of kisses.  His hands finally stopped as your lips met his, relaxing into you.  "I love you," you murmured, beginning to tug at the shirt he had just put on.

He must've realized what you were trying to do, because he pulled away with a shocked expression.  "Were you going to seduce me to get me to stay in bed?"

You batted your eyelashes at him as you pursed your lower lip.  It was a trick you had learned from your mama at a young age.  "Well, it depends.  Would it have worked?"

He groaned as he ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head.  "You're going to be the death of me, Y/N."  Bucky smirked down at you as you let out a soft giggle, biting your lip as you watched him.  "I'll see you at breakfast, okay?"

If only the two of you had known that it was going to be the last night you ever spent together.

A few moments after he had slipped out the door, Peggy snuck back inside, just getting back from Steve's quarters that he shared with Bucky.  It was kind of a good situation the four of you had going.  After the rest of the camp had fallen asleep, she would sneak over the Steve's room, and once she got there, your boyfriend would head over to yours, before both of them switched back in the mornings.  No one in the camp was any the wiser since it was all done under the cover of darkness.  Everyone knew about you and Bucky, of course, but Peggy and Steve had asked you two to help them keep their relationship in the dark.  The Star Spangled Man with a Plan had a lot more enemies than his best friend, and he was determined to not put her in danger, which you (as her best friend) appreciated.

You managed to catch another hour of sleep before the camp alarm sounded, and you dragged yourself out of bed to get ready for the day.  The camp was bustling when you and Peggy finally made your way to breakfast.

As soon as Bucky saw you, he made good on his promise.  His arms wrapped around you as he dipped you low, his mouth pressing against yours.  You could hear the men whistling and hollering around you, but you were too focused on your boyfriend to care.

 "Hi," you whispered breathlessly as he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours.

His nose nudged yours as he said, "Hello."  He smiled against your lips as he pulled you in for another quick kiss.

"I missed you this morning."  You made sure to say it low enough so that no one else could hear you.  By now, most of the men had turned back to their breakfast and were paying you no attention, but you still wanted to be careful.

"As soon as this war is over, we won't have to worry about sneaking around anymore," he promised, your fingers running through the hair at the nape of his neck.  "You're going to be the head scientist at some fancy institution, and we'll have a little apartment close to Steve and Peggy's.  I'll get to wake up next to you every single morning for the rest of my life."

The two of you had talked about the future of course, but he had never straight up said that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.  Your knees felt weak just at the thought, nodding happily.  Bucky had meant what he promised all those months ago.  He had never even implied that he wanted you to stay home and give up your ambitions just to have kids.  Instead, he took every chance he could to help push you forward.

Your little moment was broken, though, when Steve almost ran up to the two of you.  "Buck, we have to go now," he said, the most serious you had ever seen him.  "We have coordinates on Zola's location."

Bucky turned to look at you and you nodded.  "Come back home to me," you said softly.

He nodded, pulling you into one more kiss.  "I will.  I promise."  With a last look at you, he ran off after his best friend.

You watched after him, your finger tips raising to touch your lips.  You couldn't explain it, but there was a feeling in the pit of your stomach that told you something was about to happen.  You didn't know if it was good or bad, but you knew that a storm was brewing around you.

You could only hope that you all made it out.

You spent the entire day unfocused.  You were struggling to get anything done, and Peggy was beginning to worry about you.  Every few minutes, you'd glance out the window, looking for the silhouette of your boyfriend coming over the hill.  Your leg wouldn't stop tapping and you kept having to wipe your hands on your skirt to get the sweat off.

You barely slept that night, the emptiness of the space next to you getting to your head.  You tossed and turned and tossed and turned again.  You could hear Peggy doing the same thing in the bed across the room.

"Are you awake?"

You sat up a little in your bed, barely making out her form in the darkness.  "Yeah."

There was a pause.  "Can I sleep in your bed tonight?"

You didn't reply, just scooting over to make a little bit more room.  She grabbed her pillow and tiptoed across the cold floor, despite the fact that you two were the only ones there.  The bed dipped as she crawled in, her warmth helping protect you against the cold of the Austrian winter.

"Peggy?"

"Yes?"

You hesitated, biting your lip.  "Why do I feel like something awful has happened?"  About an hour earlier, you had felt this sinking feeling in your stomach, a pang in your heart.

"Maybe you just worry too much."

Despite what your best friend said, you knew that she understood.  She tried to put on a brave front, but anytime Steve went on a mission, she became an anxious mess.

"It'll all be alright tomorrow morning when they get home," she insisted, clearly trying to make you feel better.

So you just nodded, and let her squeeze your hand.  You could feel her fall asleep beside you, but you laid awake for a long time before sleep finally overtook you.

The next day, you didn't hear the shouts until almost noon.  It was overcast and cold, a soft blanket of slow from the night before on the ground.  You had been going through more of Erskine's journals when you heard it.  Anytime men came home from a mission, the other men in the camp would run out to greet them.  Peeking out the window, you saw as they started to pour out of the bunks, heading for the hill.

Grinning, you ran out of your quarters, following after them.  But as you got closer, you began to slow down.  The group you were running to only had nine.  There was one missing.  The feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach grew as you balled your hands into fists.

Once you were close enough to see Steve's face, you knew.

The other soldiers grew quiet as you still asked, "Where's Bucky?"  The blonde shook his head, his eyes red and puffy, and you felt yourself begin to shake.  "No.  No.  He promised he'd come back to me.  Where is he?!"  You stood up on your tiptoes, as though trying to see if they were hiding him.  As if this were some kind of sick joke.  "BUCKY!  BUCKY!"  When that didn't work, you shouted, "JAMES!"  It was becoming more and more clear to you that he wasn't coming back.  You couldn't deny that he was gone.  You collapsed to the ground in a puddle of tears, sobs shaking your body as your fingers dug into the ground.  You were covered in mud, but you didn't care.  The love of your life was gone.  Despite all the snide comments the other men had made about you and Bucky's relationship before, they were dead quiet now.  Their heads were lowered as they did their best not to stare at your grief.

You felt a pair of arms wrap around you, and you turned to cling to Peggy.  You weren't sure how long you stayed there in the mud, but by the time she finally got you to stand up, all the other soldiers had gone, leaving just you, Peggy, and Steve.  You felt numb as she led you back to your room, turning on the shower.  Staring blankly at the wall, you let her undress you and shove you under the water, not bothering to try to wipe away the mud that had absolutely covered you.

That night was the first time you had cried yourself to sleep over James Barnes, and it most certainly wouldn't be the last.

Two years passed by in a blur, and you still felt empty.  The war had been won, and you had gone back to America with Peggy in tow, but it didn't feel right.  Bucky was supposed to be at your side.  It didn't help that Steve had also died, leaving you and your best friend utterly broken.

Well, you were utterly broken still.  Peggy had started to put the pieces back together and had even agreed to go out on a date with some man.  He had been one of the soldiers that Steve had saved when he rescued Bucky.  Part of you wondered if she was only going on the date because it was one of her last connections to Steve, but you didn't ask.  You had no right to judge how she mourned.

You, however, threw yourself into your work.  You had found yourself working with Howard Stark after the war.  It was the kind of thing Bucky had always said you'd do.

But instead of coming home to the love of your life, you had no one.  Peggy lived down the hall, of course, but it wasn't the same.  It didn't fill the aching void in your heart.

So when Stark came in to tell you about his new experiment, you immediately volunteered your services, which is what led you to this.

You were climbing into a glass box, preparing yourself for whatever was about to happen.  Either you were going to die, or you were going to be frozen.  It was an experiment in cryogenics, to see if someone could effectively be frozen in time.

"Here, I want you to have this," Peggy said, wiping tears from her eyes as she took off her heart-shaped locket.  It held a picture of the two of you on one side, and a picture of Steve and Bucky on the other.  Her hands shook as she put it on you, moving your hair out of the way.  "I want you to remember us when you're woken up in a hundred years," she teased, though you could tell she was actually upset.

You pulled her into a tight hug, tears falling down your cheeks.  "Please live the best life you can," you said softly, your voice crackling a little as you held onto her.  "I want to crack open a history book and see chapters filled with stories about you, okay?"

She nodded with a bit of a laugh, pulling away to look at you one last time.  You had both given up on not crying, and it was a sight to see.  "I love you, Y/N," she said, squeezing your hands.

"I love you, too."  You looked up to see Howard Stark coming over, knowing it was time.  "Maybe I'll see you on the other side," you said with a playful wink, before you leaned back.

"Ready?" Howard asked, his eyes searching your face for any hesitation.  He was finding it hard not to cry himself, since he had spent the last two years becoming one of your closest friends.  He could be an asshole at times, but he really did mean well, and he was fiercely loving and protective over those he cared about, which included you.

He was also giving you a chance to back out.  This was the moment before, when you could change your mind.  You could step out of the box and go home with Peggy.  You could find a boy to settle down with, and see your family again.  You hadn't even said goodbye to them in person, having just sent each of them individual letters explaining what you were doing.  You had known that doing it in person would've hurt too much and they would've just eventually convinced you not to.  But you had to do this.  If only for the sake of science, you had to do it.

"Ready."

Cold.

That's the first thing you felt as you started to come to, though a deep soreness in your muscles is the second.  You can also hear people talking in hushed voices a few feet away, but you don't quite have the strength to open your eyes.

"—found her in his lab.  He had this locked room he never let anyone go into, but he would disappear there for hours at a time."

"How did you unfreeze her?"

"Easy.  I just read his journals.  He had everything written down with strict instructions on getting her out of there."

There was a long pause, before a different voice asked, "Do we even know who she is?"

"That's all in here."  There was the sound of ruffling papers.  "It's all medical and school records, but at least we know her name."

"Y/N M/N L/N.  Born July 11th, 1921...  Says here she went to St. Martin-in-the-Fields High School for Girls in London, but she was born in Louisiana."

"Boarding school," the first voice said.  "Lots of southern families sent their daughters to get an education before coming home and being baby makers for the rest of their lives."

Well, that stung, even if it was true.

"Wait..."  The second voice was speaking now.  "St. Martin-in-the-Fields.  Isn't that the same high school Peggy Carter went to?"

More ruffling of papers.  "Holy shit.  She was her roommate for all four years."

You took that moment to open your eyes, gasping as the light shone brightly on you.  You felt like you had been hit by a brick.  There was the sound of footsteps as the three people who had been talking rushed to your bedside.  When you finally blinked your eyes open again, your gaze immediately went to the brunette man to your left.  "Howard?!  How long was I frozen?!"  The others, a black man with nicely trimmed facial hair and a blonde woman with big green eyes were staring at you in surprise.

The brunette man that you were sure was your former partner shook his head, his brow furrowed.  "I'm his son, Tony.  You'd been asleep for almost eighty years."

You sat up in a rush, groaning as the pain hit you.  The three people guided you back down to the bed.  Once the pain had passed, you took a moment to look around.  You were in what seemed like a hospital bed, but there were no machines around you.  A window to your right gave you a view of a forest surrounding whatever building you were inside.  Finally, you turned back to the people in front of you.  "What year is it?"

They all paused, looking between each other like they were debating telling you or not.  Finally, Tony said, "It's the year 2021."

Holy shit.  Holy shit, it was actually a hundred years since you had been born, and that was...  You didn't even know what to say as you looked at them in shock.  Your mouth had gone drier than a desert.  The man beside Tony seemed to sense what you needed, because he handed you a glass of water, which you sipped at greedily.  When you were finally done, you held onto the glass like it was a lifeline.  "Who are you two?"

"I'm Rhodey."

"Pepper."

You turned your head to look at the son of Howard Stark, tears rimming your eyes.  "You look just like him, you know.  You have the same eyes."  That seemed to strike a chord within the man, who cleared his throat as he looked down.  "Is Howard still alive?"  The thought of possibly seeing him excited you, even if he was in a nursing home by now.

But Tony shook his head, sympathy in his eyes.  "He died in 1991."

You knew when you had been put under that you most likely wouldn't come back to find anyone you had known alive, but it still hurt.  The last time you had seen Howard, he had still been so full of life.  "Did he live a happy life, at least?"

He was staring at you with such wonder, his mouth set in a thin line.  "He built one of the biggest companies in the world.  He was a devoted husband to my mother, Maria."

Your heart warmed at the thought as you smiled a little.  "I always thought she would be good for him.  I'm happy that he married her and settled down."

Slowly sitting up, you frowned down at the clothes you were in.  Someone had changed you out of the clothes you had been wearing when you went under, and you were now clad in some... weird material.  The name Stark was emblazoned across whatever long sleeved thing you were wearing.  "What is this?"

Pepper smiled a little as she folded her hands in front of her.  "They're called sweats.  It's kind of the generic clothing your given when you come to the Avengers compound."

Avengers compound?  The hell was that?

Seeming to sense your confusion, Pepper waved her hand to dismiss the thought.  "I'll explain later.  I can give you a tour of the compound, though, if you're up for walking?"

Well, that you didn't know about.  You didn't know exactly what Howard had done when he had frozen you.  Were your muscles frozen exactly in place, so that you'd be able to do everything you had been able to back then?  Would you need to go through extensive amounts of physical therapy?  Hell, were you even young anymore?  You assumed you were, considering when you looked down at your hands they looked exactly the same as the day you had gone under.

The memory of that day flashing to your mind, you reached up to your neck, relaxing when you found the heart shaped locket that Peggy had given you.

Taking a chance, you slowly moved your legs to hang off the side of the bed, before standing up completely.  The tile beneath you was cold to the touch and it sent a shiver through your spine.  When you stood up, you found that Howard had managed to freeze you so that your muscles didn't deteriorate.  There was a little stiffness, but that wasn't anything you couldn't fix.

"If everything becomes too much, let us know," Rhodey said, finally speaking up.  "We don't want you getting overwhelmed by how much has changed."

You nodded, walking beside the three of them as they led you out of the room.  You found yourself in a hospital wing, which you had expected.  A few doctors were milling about, but not many.  You weren't there for long as Tony led you through double doors into a massive hallway, glass lining both sides.  On your right, you could see the outside.  All you could see was forest for miles and miles and miles.  On your left, you could watch a multitude of people at a state of the art gym.  The machines were a little upgraded from what you remembered, but the idea was the same.

You were only half listening as Tony explained different things around the compound, Pepper and Rhodey sometimes adding in little anecdotes.  You were taking everything in quietly, processing it as best you could.  More than a small part of you had thought that Howard's experiment wouldn't work, and you'd end up dead.  Sure, he was a genius, and he had successfully frozen rats for a few days to a few months, but eighty years?  It had seemed absurd.

You should've known better than to estimate him.

"And this is the Avengers living quarters," Rhodey said as the four of you stepped onto an elevator.  You were surprised at how smoothly it moved as it took you up three floors.  They had kind of explained what the Avengers were, so you got the basic idea, but it was still hard to believe.

You stepped out of the elevator and into a large living room.  What seemed to be a television hung up on the wall, and you were shocked at the sheer size of it.  "You're just like your father," you mused as Tony went on and on about all the inventions you probably didn't know about.

He continued to give you the tour, explaining each and every room in detail.  When he had finally finished his two hour long explanation of his lab, you were starting to feel tired.  You had been one of the top scientists in the world when you had gone under, and now you were outdated.  There'd be so much you'd have to learn if you ever wanted to catch up.

When you rounded a corner that led to a kitchen area, you spotted a group of about eight people sitting there.  They paid you no mind, except for a familiar blonde.  "Y/N?!"  He shouted.

"STEVE?!"

The two of you ran to each other, and he laughed as he picked you up, hugging you as tightly in possible.  All the others had gone silent in confusion as they watched you.  The only people who knew what was going on was Tony, Rhodey, and Pepper.  "They told me you died," Steve said, disbelief in his eyes.

"I was on the radio when you had died!"  You had been in the room with Peggy, listening to the mission, when he had gone down.  You had been the one to hold her as she broke down, a mirror image of you when Bucky had been lost.

A realization dawned on Steve's face, and he opened his mouth to say, "Y/N, you—"

"Y/N?"

You froze at the sound of that familiar voice, your heart beating harshly against your rib cage.  There was no way.  There was no way that he was alive.  You had spent two years mourning him and had volunteered yourself for what you had assumed was a death sentence because of his death.

Steve moved to the side, and there he was.  He was standing at the entrance to the kitchen, clearly having just walked in.  There was a soft sheen of sweat on his brow, like he had just gotten back from the gym.

"Is it really you?" Your voice cracked as you felt the tears start to well up.

Without a second thought, the two of you were running for each other.  You launched yourself into Bucky's arms, wrapping your legs around his waist.  He smelled exactly the same as he had back then, and you took in a deep breath.  His fingers were winding through your hair, and he just kept whispering, "I can't believe you're here.  I love you so much."

You pulled back as you pushed his hair away from his face.  "Your hair is longer," you said with a bit of a laugh, and he wiped away the tears that were streaming down your cheeks.  "I like it."

He grinned, pulling you into a long kiss.  You could practically feel the stares of disbelief as you wrapped your arms around his neck, elongating the kiss.  His lips still fit perfectly against yours and it sent a sob through you.

You felt a burst of fury as he put you down, and you reached out to slap him.  He stared at you in shock as you angrily pointed at him.  "You promised you would come home.  You scared the shit out of me, you...  You asshole!"

But he just smiled.  His hands reached out for you again and he pressed a long kiss to your forehead.  "I'm home now, my love.  I'm home and nothing's ever going to take me away from you ever again."

"Better not," you sniffled, your hands grasping his shirt so tightly your knuckles went white.  "Because if it happens again, I'll kill you myself."

Bucky paused, confusion in his bright blue eyes.  "What happened, though?  How are you here?"

"I could ask you the same question," you countered, before explaining.  "I worked with Howard Stark after the war.  He spent a lot of time on cryogenics, and when he asked for volunteers...  I offered."

Now it was his turn to be mad at you.  "Y/N, please tell me you didn't offer yourself as an experiment."  When you smiled at him sheepishly in response, he scowled, pulling you into his arms again.  "You could've died."

"But I didn't.  And apparently neither did you," you said, raising an eyebrow questioningly at him.  You also looked down at his arm, finding metal there instead of the flesh you remembered.  You weren't upset by it, just confused.  He was still your Bucky, whether or not he had a limb missing.

But before he could explain, someone asked, "Okay, but who are you?"

You looked at the other people who were standing around the kitchen, a few sitting on bar stools.  "I'm Y/N L/N."

A man with curly brown hair stood up, his eyebrows furrowed.  "Wait.  THE Y/N L/N?"

You slowly nodded, a little confused that he recognized you.

When he saw your expression, he pulled out what Tony had explained early was a cell phone, and tapped on it quickly before passing it to you.  What you saw was an entire article on a scientific website about your contributions.  They spoke about how you blazed a trail for other women to join the field, and about how the war couldn't have been won without you.  The thought sent tears to your eyes as you laughed, covering your mouth in shock.

"Y/N...  You're a hero," he said, before holding out his hand for you to shake, wonder in his eyes.  "I'm Bruce.  Bruce Banner."

 "It's lovely to meet you," you replied, a blush on your cheeks.

He shook his head, grasping your hand.  "The pleasure is all mine.  Really."

Bucky must've thought he had been holding your hand too long, because he let out a low, "Hands off."  You burst into laughter as you saw the same expression he had always worn when one of the other soldiers would hit on you, his eyes going dark and his lips set in a deep frown.

The others were a little shocked at how jealous he got, but he ignored them in favor of wrapping his arms around you, kissing your hair.  "Don't be mean," you chided, and he just hummed in response.  His grip on you was the same, despite his metal arm, and you still felt safer in his arms than you had anywhere else in the world.

"But really, how do you guys know each other?"

Steve decided to be the one to explain that time, glancing back at the two of you with a bit of sadness.  "Y/N was Peggy's best friend from boarding school, and we all met when she got her a job working with the man who gave me the super soldier serum."

You looked at him with a frown, biting your lip.  "Peggy?..."  Steve nodded in response, knowing what you were asking, and you took a deep breath to steady yourself.  You had hoped that you might get to see her in her old age, but you had missed her.

"I know that Y/N still needs to be introduced to everyone, but that can wait," Bucky suddenly said.  You gasped as he threw you over his shoulder.  "I'm keeping her to myself for a while."

You groaned in embarrassment as he started to carry you out of the room, kicking and hitting at his back in protest.  "Bucky!  Put me down!"  But you stopped after you got to another elevator, which took you up to what seemed to be a hallway lined with bedrooms.  You were proven right when he opened a door, bringing you into a sunlit room and tossing you onto the bed.

You watched Bucky with a soft, adoring gaze as he kicked off his shoes, peeling off his shirt before getting onto the bed.  He crawled on top of you, his long hair falling on either side of your face as your hands moved to rest on his chest.  "You're buffer than the last time I saw you," you murmured in awe, your fingers running over the skin.  Your right hand brushed against his shoulder, where his metal arm connected.  "What happened to you, my love?"

His calloused hand cupped your face, his thumb running tenderly over your cheek.  "HYDRA captured me after I fell from the train, and they nursed me back to health."  But a frown was covering his features.  "They gave me a serum similar to the one Steve got, and they brainwashed me."  Your heart sunk in your chest as you wiped away his tears.  "I was an assassin known as the Winter Soldier for seventy years, before I escaped."  His watery eyes finally met yours.  "Y/N...  I assassinated Howard and Maria Stark."

Your heart broke as you saw how much it hurt him, and you shook your head.  "It's not your fault.  You didn't know what you were doing," you whispered, pulling him down into a soft kiss.  Howard had been Bucky's friend, too, and you could only imagine how much it hurt him.  You held Bucky to your chest, both of you starting to cry.  "I'm here now.  You've got me and I'm never leaving," you whispered.

Downstairs, the Avengers were watching the spot you had just been in shock.

"Wait, Bucky had a girlfriend?!" Sam asked, shaking his head.

Peter seemed to have a different concern.  "Bucky SPEAKS?!"

Steve rolled his eyes, smirking at the others.  "Bucky had a life before the Winter Soldier, you know."  He glanced back at the direction you two had gone, crossing his arms over his chest.  He leaned against the counter slowly.  "Y/N was the best thing that had ever happened to Bucky.  I had never seen two people more in love.  When he died...  It was like her heart had been ripped out of her chest."  The look in his eyes were hollow as his mind went back to the day you had sat in the mud, screaming at the sky for taking away the man you loved.  "I had never heard a sound like that."

"So she just volunteered to be frozen by Tony's dad?" Natasha scoffed.

"She's one of the bravest people I've ever met," he said.  "And the smartest.  If she believed that she could do something to help progress, she was going to do it."  He left out the fact that you had probably thought you wouldn't wake up.  He had felt that kind of loneliness after waking up and finding that everyone he had known was either dead or within a few years of dying.  It could really get to you, feeling like you'd been left behind.

The next morning, you woke to an empty bed and sun pouring in through the windows.  You sat up harshly, looking around the room for Bucky.  You almost thought you had dreamed the day before when he came out of what you assumed to be the restroom.

"I'm here, I just had to use the bathroom," he said as he crawled back into the bed, pulling you into his embrace.

You curled up against his chest, your legs tangling with his.  "I thought I had dreamed yesterday."

Bucky chuckled as he kissed a press to your nose.  "Go back to sleep."

"Will you be here when I wake up?"

He squeezed you a little tighter.  The world had changed drastically.  He had been through hell and back, and lived to tell the tale.  There was a little more sadness lingering within the both of you, and you knew that you two were a little more broken than when you had first met.  But he was still your Bucky.  He was still the man you wanted to wake up to every morning.  You still wanted to do life with him.  You wanted to bicker over him leaving the toilet seat up, and steal the covers at night.  You wanted to dance around the kitchen with him and take long strolls under the moon, drunk on each other like you had been all those years ago in a tiny town in Austria.

"Always."

[ladymcgonagall]

Minvember, day 16 (almost 10 days later lol) - Albus

It was late afternoon. Classes are over, and I was in my office, setting the table. At the moment, my life was fine. I was a teacher at Hogwarts for three years now, my parents were fine, my brothers are already building families. Things were interesting for me. I am the youngest teacher at the school, so I feel a need to be more strict with students. Despite that, they seemed to like me.

I'm obviously not the favorite teacher. Nobody beats the defense against the dark arts professor. Albus is the second youngest, but unlike me, he always seemed to want to make friends with the students. And it did. Even I made friends with him in my student days. My first year at hogwarts was his first year as a teacher, he joined the faculty shortly after graduating. Naturally, due to the small age difference, all students - especially the older ones - loved him. Albus was teaching transfiguration classes at the time, and I already lost count of how many times he told me that he is happy that I was his replacement.

It is interesting to see it from another perspective. I used to call him "Professor Dumbledore", and now it's just "Albus". Although it seems strange to think that he taught me, I think we can say that we are friends. I mean, even though I'm not really friends with anyone - let's say my relationship with students is not that different with my colleagues. There are things I just can't do, and opening up to my co-workers is one of them - but I talk to Albus often. Maybe it's because talking to him is less awkward, since the others practically already looked the same as old men when I first stepped here, when I was eleven. But, thinking here, it could also be because I like him. I don't know how to explain what I feel, but it's not like he's just my co-worker or my friend. I like to talk, to be close, to spend time with him.

But coming back to reality, while I finished preparing tomorrow's 2nd year class, an owl comes in through the window. As soon as she entered, I already knew what it was about: Nobody sends me letters besides my mother. I might as well read the letter afterwards and finish what I was doing right away, but honestly, I couldn't take any more revising "revelio". Reading the letter seemed to me much more interesting.

It started the same way as always. She asked me how things are here, how I am, she tells me how things are there ... My eyes were running a little over the parchment, until a particular name caught my attention: Dougal McGregor. The letter said that in a few weeks he would marry the daughter of a local farmer. I have vague memories of her.

The news came to me like a stab. Five years later, and Professor McGonagall still has feelings for the Muggle boy? It's not possible. When I think I'm in the best and most peaceful moment of my life, when I have everything under control, one of these happens to me. I finished reading the letter without paying much attention, but I couldn't finish preparing the class. I thought of nothing else but Dougal's wedding.

I decided to tidy up the room, try to distract my head. At first everything was going well, but after a while, I ended up going back to that melancholy. It should be past eight at night, students should no longer pass through the corridors. If I don't risk being seen, I think I can finally stop pretending that I have no feelings.

Don't get me wrong, I really wanted to leave the room ready for tomorrow, but while I was taking some books from the students' desks to the shelves, I felt immense sadness. And it came almost like a punch in the stomach, knocking me down. If I could watch myself, I would probably find that the most pathetic scene in my adult life. Professor McGonagall, sitting on the floor, huddled and crying, with several books lying around. It was not possible, right when I thought I was fine, that I had already overcome Dougal, accepted that we could never be together and maybe even started to feel something for someone else, life slaps me in the face to say I have not.

I heard footsteps approaching my office, but I didn't care. A few seconds later, I discovered that the steps were Albus'.

-Minerva? Minerva, are you here? The other teachers are asking why you didn't go to dinner ... - when I heard his voice, I threw myself under a desk next to me. I wouldn't let him see me in that fragile state.

But that was definitely not the smartest decision to make. The noise I made took him straight to my "hiding place." I still didn't look at him, but I could feel him looking at me.

-Minerva, are you all right? Why are you on the floor? - I continued with my head down, without looking at him - I'm getting intrigued, would you please tell me what happened here? Minerva? - I turned to him, still on the floor, and put on my most serious mask to hide my crying face. - Gosh, Minnie! Are you alright? What happened?

-Nothing, Albus. Nothing happened. - I replied, with the driest and most emotionless voice I could manage. His eyes widened for a moment.

-Do not lie to me.

-Albus, could you please leave me alone?

-I don't leave here until you tell me what happened. I care about you, really. Please, I'm getting worried. - I remained silent, staring at one of the books that surrounded me. - Okay, if you're not going to tell me, I'll find out for myself.

He came to my table. I know his intention was just to mess with my things to make me angry and maybe tell what happened, but he ended up finding the letter. And he felt free to read it.

- It's because of this, isn't it? This McGregor's wedding? - Just by hearing these words, involuntary tears began to fall. I put my right hand in front of my face, in a failed attempt to hide this moment of vulnerability. Meanwhile, he walked over to me and sat next to me on the floor. - I don't know if you've noticed, Minerva, but since you were my student, you had the habit of making a small mark with tge quill next to the lines you've already read. Maybe to not get lost in the text. And here the marks end after the part about that wedding, so either you didn't read it, or you didn't pay attention. And for you not to read or pay attention to a text, something serious must be on your mind. Do you want to talk about it?

I remained silent, without looking at him.

- If you don't even want to tell me who Dougal McGregor is, I promise I'll leave and pretend we never saw you here.

I didn't move a muscle, and then he got up and walked to the door. Meanwhile, I was completely confused. My rational and proud part wanted to be alone, but another part of me begged for someone to talk to. In a matter of seconds I understood that what I wanted was not what I needed.

- Dougal and I have known each other since we were little - I said, before he touched the door handle - he lived near my house, so we played together with other children in the neighborhood. On the holidays of my last years at Howgarts, we were very close. We fell in love. He asked me to marry him and I, on impulse, accepted it. It didn't even cross my mind that he was a muggle, and if I married him, I would lead the same life without magic as my mother. Only after I got home I though about all this. I had received a job offer in the ministry, I would have to move to London, and I would not be able to live lying to him about my job. The other day I went to his house and ended it all, without giving much explanation. I was devastated, and he was even more so. He was the love of my life, but it would never work.

While telling this, Albus approached again and sat in the same place as before.

- So you're sad because ... Do you still love him?

- No! - I replied, while wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my dress - I mean, I don't know ... I ... I was sure that I was over it, that I didn't feel anything for him anymore, but now ... It's like it was official, you know? It would never work. And I will probably never see him again. I really lost it forever, and it destroys me, as much as I know that if I had chosen love, it would go to a reality completely different from mine, and I promised myself that I would never lock my wand in a box and hide under the bed. My magic is a price I was never willing to pay.

- And, to the nation's general surprise, you have always been right.

- Then tell me why I feel so bad, Albus. Why? Why do I feel like an idiot? Was I just kidding myself all along?

- You are a smart witch, probably the smartest witch I've ever met. I'm sure you know yourself, Minerva, you know who you are, and as much as things look confused now, you'll be fine soon. Also, Minnie, look at me - until the moment I looked, discouraged, at the tip of my shoe; then he put his hand on my face, carefully turned it towards him and then immediately removed his hand - You are human, you have feelings. You don't have to hide them. And I want you to know that I will always be willing to listen to you.

We were physically close. I really don't know what happened there. Maybe it was a mixture of a certain lack and my feelings for him, but all I know is that when I realized, I was kissing Albus. After about two and a half seconds - the time it took me to realize what I had just done - I quickly separated.

- Oh, dear... I'm sorry... - I said in a mixed tone of surprise and sadness, with my hands over my mouth - I don't know what happened to me, Albus, I really didn't want to...

Then my voice failed, and I started to cry again. Hiding my face - of course - because now, besides being sad, depressed and confused, I was also embarrassed.

- Shhhh... - he hugged me - I know it wasn't on purpose, Minnie.

A brief moment of silence passes while I return the hug.

- Do you know what depresses me most in this story? - Said, recovering myself and returning to the place on the floor where I was originally.

- What?

- It's been five years since that happened. And he managed to move on, overcame me and found someone else. I did not. I'm still the same. Same Minerva, same thoughts, all in exactly the same way. I seem to scare people away. I met a lot of new people at that time, but no one showed any interest in me. In fact, since Hogwarts times it has been like that. Dougal was the only one. And isn't it ironic? The only person who seemed to love me is just one of the only people I can't love back...

- I understand you well. My last crush was also an impossible case.

- So we have more in common than we imagined ... But now that we're here, and I've already told you unnecessary details of my personal life, tell me: Who was the lady who moved your little heart and why did everything go wrong?

- I think you got me wrong... Let's say you weren't a lady...

He was looking at me apprehensively, but I really didn't understand. I looked at him with that question mark face for a few seconds, until he broke the awkward silence that had formed:

- It was a boy, Minerva. - I was surprised and pulled a little air into my lungs, as if to say "Ah, of course, it makes sense" - You are brilliant, but your slowness for certain subjects impresses me - he laughed.

- Funny you. It's just that I didn't imagine it, it's quite shocking to know that Albus Dumbledore is actually a homosexual. - he seemed a little embarrassed - My grandmother used to say that people like you have a troubled soul... - I added in a prank tone.

- So this is what you think of me, Minerva McGonagall? That I have a troubled soul?

- Don't be stupid, Albus. Of course not. But I will pretend so if you keep saying that you think I'm sluggish. - I crossed my arms, and he laughed.

We talked about a lot of things. We laughed of childhood stories and remembered the times at Hogwarts students, but we also went through more complex subjects. Let's say that Albus' family is much more complicated than I thought. We were gossiping about our co-workers when my eyes went over the clock by the door.

- Oh my! We have completely lost track of time, Dumbledore, look over there! It's almost one in the morning!

- By Merlin! How irresponsible we are, two teachers talking at dawn, just as we told our students not to. - he said as he stood up. Soon after, he held out his hand to help me up from the floor as well.

- We are terrible examples - I said quietly, laughing, as I stood up - In fact, I'm sorry for... This is all that happened today. Mainly because I didn't know you were a homosexual and I literally kissed you a few hours ago - I laughed, but now it wasn't a nervous or embarrassed laugh, it was sincere, and he felt it because he also laughed genuinely right after I finished speaking.

- Don't worry, Minnie. We have to be thankful that these walls have no eyes and ears, because if they did, it was the end of our careers and the poses of respectable teachers - we laughed as he approached the door - It was great to talk to you, we need to do this more often. Good night, Professor McGonagall.

- Good night, Professor Dumbledore. Thanks for everything.

Then he left, closed the door and I put the books that were lying on the floor on the shelf.

I was finally okay. Not less confused - if the confusion had previously been about my feelings for McGregor, now they were about feelings for Albus - but fine. In peace. Of course, when Dumbledore found me here, I wanted to die, but now I was very grateful that he appeared there. It would have been much worse if I had been alone, and now at least I'm sure there's someone in this castle I can count on. I hope he knows that he can always count on me too. If I trusted him before, now I trust him much more.

This night made me realize that, regardless of any confused feelings for albus, I don't need a big love story. I need a friend. And now that I have it, I won't let it go.