#I’m genuinely unable to process this

[siminiecricketart]

So there is a possibility that my dog is being put down tomorrow and I’m struggling to process it so much.

[loveronlineee]

The Metalhead and the Material Girl (Eddie Munson x Reader)

Masterlist   All Parts

Eddie Munson x Reader (She/Her)

Warnings: none

Synopsis: When a super fem new girl joins Eddie’s class he thinks he’s got her all figured out, but he soon finds out that the popular kids aren’t the only ones who judge people’s first appearances 

Y/N notes: none

Okay I don’t usually do writers notes but I gotta say thanks to these four: @carolinaflicker​ @iamsiriuss​ @hauntingtherosebush​ @lindsey3300​ for helping me out on the lil bit of D&D stuff I mentioned. Some of you guys had slightly different answers for me so if I’m still wrong let me know! (And other D&D playing peeps)

Wanna be on the Eddie Munson tag list? Look here!

Wanna request something? Look here!

“I’m Y/N L/N. I transferred here from California for my senior year. I like pop music, fashion and hanging out with my friends. And I hope I can become friends with all of you!”

Pretty. Bubbly. Probably a bit of an airhead. The popular kids will scoop her up in a heartbeat. Eddie thought to himself looking up at the new girl. I wonder how long it’ll take for her to be just like everyone else.

The teacher pointed at the empty seat on the metal head’s right, giving the boy a stern look.

“Y/N I’m gonna seat you next to Eddie here at the front so you can help me keep an eye on him.” Eddie grinned and gave the teacher a wink.

Okaaaay here we go. Eddie thought to himself, leaning back in his chair. What kind of popular girl is this one gonna be? Disgusted by me? Weirded out? Just plain old pretend I don’t exist?

“Hi, Eddie was it?” The new girl asked with the biggest most genuine smile Eddie had ever seen. Her face was enough to melt away any built up hate he had accumulated from every harsh comment thrown at him throughout the years.

“Uh yeah Eddie. Eddie Munson.” He couldn’t help the smile appearing on his own face. This girl was a ball of sunshine.

“Nice to meet you Eddie.” He watched as she took out her things from her bag and set them out on the table. Everything was either pink, glittery or had a cute little character on it. She wrote the date on a new page in her notebook, doodling little stars around the numbers.

The teacher came over and placed a piece of paper on Y/N’s desk.

“This is your time table with your classes. Don’t be afraid to ask someone for help.”

“Oh thank you!” Y/N chirped before beginning to read through it. “Hey Eddie, what classes do we have together?” She tilted the paper towards him. Eddie leaned over and skimmed the page.

“Oh wow most of them. We got all the same ones today in fact.”

“Do you mind if I just stuck with you then?”

“Y-Yeah. Yeah that’s cool.” Eddie wasn’t in fact planning on going to all his classes today, like most days, but he couldn’t pass up the chance to get to know this girl more. He spent the morning walking Y/N to all her classes, pointing out other parts of the school she’ll need to know. He revelled in the looks the other students were giving him when they saw them together. The resident freak with a mystery bombshell.

Lunch came around and Y/N followed Eddie to the lunch hall.

“Hey I’ve been meaning to ask you… what’s on your shirt? Is it a band?” Y/N asked.

“It’s my club.”

“Oh cool! You run a club? What’s it about?” Eddie smiled at her as they reached his table of friends.

“A little game called D&D.” He turned to them and gestured to the new girl. “Gentlemen, this is Y/N.”

The boys all looked at her slack jawed, unable to think of anything to say. Luckily, Y/N had enough social skills for the whole table.

“It’s nice to meet you all! I started here today, Eddie’s been showing me around.” She explained as Eddie pulled out the chair in between his and Dustin’s and letting her sit down. He sat in his own chair at the head of the table just observing his friends trying to process this girl being here.

“You’ve been with Eddie…” Mike started asking very slowly, like he was waiting for the pin to drop. “…since this morning?”

“Yeah he’s been really helpful.” Y/N smiled at the younger student. “So are you two freshmen?”

Y/N continued chatting with Mike and Dustin. Eddie looked behind them at the popular kids who were eyeing him suspiciously. The cheerleaders all glaring and whispering to each other. “Eddie!” The metal head looked back at Y/N.

“Yeah?”

“So all these guys are in your club?” She gestured at the group. “You were gonna tell me about D&D earlier, what’s the game about?” Y/N asked, genuinely interested. Eddie grinned. He stood up like he was presenting to a class. Everyone sat up, hands neatly rested on the table, going along with the joke.

“D&D, or Dungeons and Dragons, is a fantasy table-top roleplaying game that only a select few at this school truly appreciate.” Eddie used theatrical hand motions as he described the game, putting one foot on his chair to add to the dramatic effect. “It is a game of teamwork, decision making, and the luck of the dice.”

He gave Dustin a small nod which prompted the boy to take a heavy book out of his bag and put it in front of Y/N. The Dungeons and Dragons Handbook. She began flicking through it, taking in as much as she could. She gasped.

“Can I be a fairy???” Eddie chuckled at her enthusiasm. He sat back down and shuffled his chair closer to hers.

“I’m sure I could homebrew something for you. Either that or you could be an elfen princess? If you just want that pretty ethereal girl look.” Eddie paused. “That… you’ve already got.” He looked back down at his hands, a little hesitant of his last line, before looking back up. Y/N was smiling at the compliment, easing Eddie’s nerves.

“Hey!” Two cheerleaders had approached the table, one calling out to Eddie with annoyance in her voice. “Why don’t you just stick with the freaks?” Eddie leaned away from Y/N and looked to the popular girls.

They turned to Y/N, who seemed a little confused. “You can come and sit with us instead.” One of them said, like she was doing the new girl a favour. Y/N looked over at Eddie. He kept his face the same, not wanting to influence her decision.

Of course he wanted her to stay, but he just couldn’t deal with the guilt of depriving Y/N of having an actual enjoyable high school experience. It didn’t matter how pretty she was, if she was hanging out with the freaks then she was gonna get bullied.

“Oh uh okay then.” Y/N replied apprehensively, slowly getting up. “I-I’ll be back in a minute.” She said as she was dragged away by the cheerleaders. Eddie pursed his lips together in a saddening smile.

“Suuuuuuuure you will.” He said just as Y/N got out of earshot. He looked around at the guys. “And that my friends, concludes the story of the time we almost got a hot chick to play D&D.” The group mumbled and chuckled, going back to their lunch, clearly no where nearly as affected as Eddie.

He knew this was inevitable. With who Y/N was and who he was. But a part of him, a small part of him wanted to believe that she’d stay. For him. That she wouldn’t get poisoned by the ideologies of the social hierarchy. But that was just wishful thinking. He looked back down at the table.

At least it was nice while it lasted.

“Sorry bout that.” Eddie looked back up to see Y/N again. “So I can be an elf princess?”

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“…why are you here?”

“I did say I’d only be gone a minute.” She smiled. Eddie stared at her, unable to speak. His head slowly turned to the popular kids. They looked even more surprised than him.

“W-What about them?” He gestured.

“What about them?” Y/N asked, confused.

“Aren’t you gonna hang out with them?”

“They don’t seem like people I’d want to hang out with.”

“They don’t?”

“Do I look like a bully to you?” She joked. “So, elf princess? Yes?” Eddie’s smile retuned to his face.

“Yeah. Yeah definitely a princess.”

Tag list: @Mikinyi @justaproudslytherpuff @angelicjinwoo @k12baby @spiderman-berries​ @ruhro7​ @justanotherhappyidiot @dontcallmesavvy @kenzi-woycehoski​

[clairdelunelove]

jealous!yuuji who adamantly snuffs out any attempts of flirtation directed towards you– even if you aren’t his

jealous!yuuji who’s stuck in the predicament of staying close friends with you. it’s an awkward struggle to teeter in-between the edge of what he wishes and reality. he’s a relatively decent guy. although he doesn’t have much he doesn’t need fancy ways or shiny things to gift you. instead, he gazes at you with honest eyes, takes your cold hands in his warm ones, and always remembers to lower his voice when you’re sleeping beside him. it’s genuine, authentic– him. and you’re on cloud nine. he catches the way your eyes flicker to his lips while he’s talking or how you borrow his sweatshirt more than once. but the two of you never speak a word about it. never owned up to any feelings in fear of losing the friendship you both shared. so it’s no wonder there are times like these where yuuji has to endure the flirtatious remarks thrown your way while the two of you are spending the day at the local arcade. and does yuuji blame the other person for finding you attractive? no, not completely. because you’re dazzling underneath the arcade’s fluorescent lights. vibrant shades of ruby, emerald, and gold dance off your soft features. takes every ounce of willpower within him not to gawk at you whenever he treats you to these outings. so he stands there, stiff and silent, as you toss him a desperate glance to bail you out of the situation. but you both know there’s nothing he can do. you’re not his. vaguely, he wonders if this qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment. it isn’t until the stranger pushes his luck, gets a bit too handsy with you, and yuuji– the sweetest and most selfless guy you know– snaps. 

jealous!yuuji who instinctively reaches for your wrist when the stranger treads into your personal space. forgotten is the overpriced game that the two of you were in the middle of playing. yuuji had shoved his game-card into the machines’ slots (paying for yours in the process) and playfully mentioned how you wouldn’t be able to beat his high score. it’s a basketball game, of course. but now the game’s final buzzer rings to signal that the timer’s up and your game was cut short because of this brassy stranger. your face whips to yuuji, a call for him to help, and the blushy haired male is already reacting. he’s aware that’s one of your biggest pet peeves so it’s no wonder you’re startled. long fingers wrapped around your skin, he checks in with you by gently murmuring, “you okay?” you nod, focusing on how his brows crease as his hand moves to cradle your face and gauge your reaction. honeyed eyes skitter across your face, stopping just a second longer on your glossy lips. a couple moments pass before he’s dropping his grasp onto you and stuffing his hands back in his pockets. he’s so tense over such a small incident and the ideal causes your cheeks to warm. “I’m good, yuu. thanks,” you answer before the moment is interrupted by the overbearing stranger. “look, my bad. but,” the guy rubs at the back of his neck and explains, “you’re really pretty and I just wanted your number.” it’s not often you’re complimented in public so you’re compelled to force a sheepish smile, unable to detect how yuuji goes rigid at the statement, and apologize, “sorry but I’m not interested. thank you though.” you’re polite about it yet the flirt (apparently) isn’t used to getting turned down because he’s frowning. “it’s ‘cuz of your friend here, isn’t it?” then, the guy gives a pointed stare at yuuji’s closeness with you.

jealous!yuuji who’s peculiarly irate and blurting out, “friend?” his voice is unusually sharp. it’s like he’s spitting out venom when he says the word. taking a step in front of you, he uses his broad physique to cast a shroud over you. and you’re reminded just how wide his muscled shoulders are from under the faded cotton of his jacket. makes you dizzy. the swirls of forbidden desire biting at you. the stranger only shrugs in response to yuuji’s inquiry, muttering, “yeah. she’s not your girl right?” and yuuji clenches his jaw as he discerns the audacity of the other male’s words. taking yuuji’s silence in stride, the flirt makes a grab at your wrist and mentions, “so how about that number, beautiful–” but yuuji’s quicker. his calloused hand swats at the guy’s before he can tug you towards him. the smack produces a blow that you’re certain will sting until tomorrow morning. “she said no so get your hands off her, dude,” yuuji’s voice drops as his gaze narrows, “and don’t ever pull that crap around me again.” his expression is deadpanned. serious to the point of lethality. and if anyone knows anything about yuuji– it’s that he can fight. combat experience, power, stamina; he’s got it all. yet, it’s almost unnerving to hear such a tone of voice coming from him since you’ve only ever seen him upbeat. the stranger appears even more frightened than you are, though. a glance at yuuji’s veiny, muscled forearms and the guy is stumbling through a weak apology; even scurries away and leaves the both of you alone again. idle in the middle of the arcade. you stare up at him, only met with the back of his head where little tufts of blushy hair stick out underneath his backwards cap. yuuji’s eyes are still trained on the guy’s retreating figure. he exhales heavily once the stranger is completely gone but doesn't let his guard down. a beat of silence passes and the realization that he’d just scared off one of your potential suitors has his eyes widening in alarm. 

jealous!yuuji who, when he whips around to face you, expresses the epitome of innocence. his pink lips are set in a pout that adds to the sheepishness written on his face, “sorry, I don’t know what came over me–” but to his shock, you’re laughing. you’re in full hysterics, clutching at your stomach and covering your mouth to maintain some sense of decency despite your giggles. usually yuuji’s nerves would settle from hearing that melodic sound but he’s stumped. genuinely baffled at your reaction to the whole ordeal. “what’re you laughing at?” he asks as his head whips to the direction the stranger sprinted off to and adds, “I don’t see anything funny.” and the pure bewilderment that he expresses is too amusing. “sorry, I just,” you take a breath and gesture to his face, “I’ve never seen you that mad before.” and the notion of why he wouldn't be irritated crosses his mind. “oh c’mon,” yuui huffs almost childishly, “you and I both know what he was trying to do.” he declares this like it’s the most obvious trick in the book. and when you quizzically tilt your head at his comment, a habit you do that never fails to make him swoon, he’s sputtering on his words. “you’re joking, he was literally flirting with you,” he swipes an exasperated hand over his face as his voice borders a whine, “while I was there!” and you can’t help but realize how much boyish charm yuuji carries with him. he gazes at you; starlight eyes looking into yours like you hold his heart in your hands. truly, it’s sensible to him– this vex that crept up on him like a monster and encompassed his entire being due to a singular person’s act. an inkling of bitterness that he’s never been greeted with. never felt the need to keep what’s important to him close. to encompass it: mind, body, and soul. perhaps his feelings towards you were stronger than he imagined. 

jealous!yuuji who’s immediately dropping his uncharacteristic frown once your hands reach for him. he’s easily lulled into your space. you just have a magnetic pull that he never opposes and he doesn’t plan to any time soon. a soothed breath passes his lips when he recognizes your fingers brushing underneath his backwards cap. a small gesture that always works to relax him. leaning forward, he positions himself so it’s easier for you to smooth the strands of his tousled hair from where it’s hidden from view. “that jerk could’ve asked anyone else for their number,” he grumbled, breaking the stillness. you glance at him as he chews at his lower lip, sulking at the audacity of the stranger that found you attractive. you’re giggling at his honest display of affection and the sound is like a balm over his unease. understanding that alleviates his spite. “are you jealous, yuu?” you tease but your voice is sweet. and you’re wholeheartedly expecting him to retort, in true yuuji fashion, but his silence stuns you. instead, he turns to bury his face in the crook of your neck, breathing in your candied perfume, and relishes your embrace. he’s smitten by you. entirely. and you’re glancing to the side in a daze, memories and possibilities of the two of you dancing in your mind. a dream that you frequent more than you care to count. after a couple moments he pulls away with both hands grasping your shoulders. pure devotion drips from his eyes. you’re suddenly getting hot around the collar of your shirt and the tips of his ears are flushed but it was clear; this secret that was known between the both of you. the undeniable truth that yuuji was jealous– over you. and you jolt when he quietly (finally) mumbles, “I just didn’t like that too much, alright?” 

[anananass]

Wriothesley reacting to you telling him you’re pregnant

warning: a little suggestive but otherwise extremely sweet because he is a silly man with a big heart in my eyes

note: I will keep this one part with him only but AHHH I’m planning on doing some of the other boys in the near future because hughshhsh

Wriothesley

You decide to bring the fortunate news at the most random moment ever.

There you are, enjoying some tea in silence during his afternoon break whilst both your favorite artist plays in the background making the best atmosphere for a regular afternoon.

Truthfully, you figured the news not too long ago but right when you found out, you thought of how you should inform him. Wrio loves children from the bottom of his heart and does anything in his power to assure their safety and well being and that alone causes you to melt at the simplest thought of telling him that he himself is going to be a father. But how should you tell him???

He deserves to fibf out in a big way but at the same time, can you really resist keeping your lips shut???

To sum up, you can’t, not with the tensed look he is flashing you. Is he able to read the air and notice you are pondering really hard?

“Something on your mind, darling?” He asks, genuinely curious, but when you take longer than usual to respond his expression turns into one of worry. Still, he is so sweet and just assumes you might have a little difficulty with telling him what’s bothering you so he gives you the time.

But his icy eyes and the awkward silence consume you so much that you sigh and just stare at him for a little longer. You need to figure how you’re gonna word all that and it’s okay, he doesn’t mind it although it’s eating at him.

“There is something I should tell you.” You finally utter whilst holding back your breath for the big announcement you’re about to make. However, he mistakes your enthusiasm and excitement for worry and anxiety.

“Come on, tell me. Whatever it is, I’ll take care of it. Anything it is, just say it and it’s done. ” He insists and lifts himself from the chair just to cut the corner of the desk so he can kneel before you to bring a sense of comfort within you. He even holds your hand and stares deeply into your eyes and dear god, the tint of wonder mixed with concern in his eyes is killing you.

You gulp and take a big breath before unleashing the news. “You know… remember when I told you back then that you’d make a great father? When you took care of that lost child?”

“Yeah, what about it?” He doesn’t catch the hint but only because his priority is your current mental wellbeing that he has to ensure is fine.

“What if I told you that you WILL be a great father?” As soon as the words leave your mouth, you give him the brightest, the most radiant smile that he has ever laid his eyes on, and even with that he can’t figure what you’re referencing.

He remains unresponsive for a second and soon enough, the digits begin to add up. He is going to be… a father?? Is that what you meant??? He has to make sure he’s not getting the wrong idea.

“y/n.” He murmurs, sounding all soft and quiet while his eyebrows raise. His eyes begin traversing your whole face and it’s looking a bit more intense than he probably intended.

“Wrio.” You repeat after him, just waiting for him to say it himself.

“Am I going to be one?” Those words barely slip his throat, they sound almost stuttered, as if he was holding back tears perhaps? His heart races the more he processes this possible information.

you don’t give him a straight answer but lower your head to your belly and place gentle rubs against the lower of your stomach, occasionally flashing him glimpses of your eyes.

His eyes follow your motions and he is utterly unable to take his eyes off you. He allows for the silence to settle once more and instead firmly places his wide hand against yours so he could feel your touch, and where the baby will be. You notice a gentle smile paint his face, and with each second it seems to be widening more and more.

That’s your favorite side of him to see and it’s fine, he doesn’t need to say anything more, his gesture is just enough to show you how content he is right now.

However, as soon as both your eyes lock back onto each other, he leans in to melt a kiss against your partly open lips. Now that he’s much closer, you can hear his heavy breathing growing steadied. Then, you feel his hand slowly creep closer to your lower back and within a few seconds, he begins pushing you closer toward him. His other hand finds your thighs as a resting spot. His fingers tug at your skin but different than usual, it’s rather a gentle grip that still pushes you to make some noises that are music to his ears.

Shortly after, he parts away from you. “God, the way you’ll look so stunning.” He mouths softly and immediately eyes your belly again.

He can’t lie to himself but feel a little worried about how he’ll handle a child. Not that it’ll be a hard thing to do, but… will he be a good one? Will he be up to his own standards and be the father he never had but yearned so deeply for? Will he take good care of you? Is he worthy of such a blessing in his life? And most importantly, will you still consider him worthy of being a father afterwards? You know, definitely not because he wants more than one child.

[cinnamostar]

four dates to fall in love

part one. part two. part three. part four (here). part five (coming soon).

pairing : hyunjin x gn!reader

summary : after a two year long unspoken hatred, hyunjin and you are forced to be costars in a romantic series, but when it comes to filming any of the romance scenes, you both utterly fail and are unable to get through your lines. the director threatens to take your roles away if you two aren't able to get past this within the next week, which spawns the genius idea from both your managers: can you learn to (fake) fall in love in seven dates and save your careers?

wc : 2.7k

cw : actor!au, enemies to lovers ?!, slowburn , not proofread, blood/knife ments (no injury, theyre just cooking lol), emotional vulnerability

a/n : welcome to part four. the slow burn is absolutely slowburning. things are happening. i dont have much to say other than it being hard for me to write, but pls let me know what you think!!!!!! likes and reblogs appreciated!

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

“It went well?” Chan exclaimed in shock over your speakerphone.

You hum in agreement, confusion in the forefront of your mind, “Surprisingly, it went better than I could have ever imagined,” a sigh escapes you, “I don’t know, it’s weird.”

“Well, the fact he even apologized caught me off guard in the first place.”

You laugh lightly, “Oh, trust me, I still am having a hard time believing it. It’s been so long of him being an asshole to me, so seeing him like this was… very different. A little scary, if I’m being honest.”

“Yet it still went well even though it was kinda weird?”

“I mean, it was really awkward at the start which was annoying, but I can’t blame him. He genuinely did look like he felt bad, so it probably was hard to be in his position,” you think aloud, “But it was getting too much and he was putting a damper on the mood, so I tried to make him more comfortable, which worked. Then we started talking, and I don’t really know how to say it, but it felt… really nice? It made me realize that maybe I did miss our friendship.”

“Well, you guys did get along really well before everything happened. To be honest, I thought there was something more going on before then,” Chan recalls, “Though, his sudden change made me realize I was way off.”

Your eyebrows furrow at Chan’s comment, “Something more? Like romantic?”

He chuckles from the other end of the line, “Yeah, I thought something was going on between you two. You guys just seemed to click really well, better than any other costar you’ve had in the past, even to this day. Lowkey thought it was going to be a Tom Holland and Zendaya moment.”

“Jesus,” you mutter, “Definitely not that, I never thought of him that way.”

“You say that, but I remember the heart eyes you used to look at him with,” he teases.

“Oh, shut up. I did not. Besides, that’s not what’s important in the present time!”

He rolls his eyes, even though you couldn’t see it, you could feel it in his tone, “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. You’re right though, it is a difficult situation for both of you to be in. Other than it being uncomfortable, how are you feeling about it?”

You let out a heavy sigh, “I mean, part of me is happy to be able to have a normal relationship with him, but… I’m still really mad at him for how he treated me. I don’t think it’s something I can let go of yet.”

“That’s okay. You have time to process all of that, no one is rushing you.”

“I know, but for a moment yesterday, I kinda forgot about all that. I had fun with him, and I want to keep having fun, but then I remember everything and feel so… upset that I am even letting him back into my life, even if it's for a bit.”

“Huh…” Chan muddles over your words for a moment, “That is quite the dilemma. I think you have every right to be upset at him, but I also think it’s okay if you miss your friend. I just think you have to figure out what kind of boundaries you want to set for yourself then. I think you can still have a nice time with him without him earning your forgiveness just yet. He can be a surface level friend or acquaintance until he proves himself trustworthy again.”

“You’re right, but I just didn’t like how easily it slipped my mind. Part of me feels like I should still be more on guard and not as friendly, but he makes that hard too.”

“Y/N, it’ll be okay,” he reassures, “You’ll figure it out, but it’s perfectly fine for you to have fun, while still having boundaries, okay?”

You sigh, still a bit unconvinced by his words, “I guess…”

“I know it’s hard, I can’t imagine what it's like to be in your position, but I promise it will be okay.”

“I’ll believe you just this once!”

“You say that every time, but sure, just this once. Call you tomorrow, alright?”

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

It was the next evening, and you were anxiously waiting in your apartment for Hyunjin to arrive. You weren’t sure how today was going to go, and the idea Changbin had for you both today made you nervous, as it felt as a far more intimate setting than the previous dates. Although, you couldn’t entirely argue with his logic. Today, he suggested that you both cooked a simple dinner with each other, the idea being that it would help you both learn how to work together towards a common goal, which was dinner in this case.

Despite you being able to understand the logic behind his idea, it was incredibly intimidating to think about having Hyunjin in your own home, especially considering the sudden change in dynamic in your relationship. Even then, you didn’t just let anyone into your home, as you only ever had your closest friends come over for small hang outs, so this was far outside of your comfort zone, but perhaps that was a good thing. Maybe going out of your comfort zone with Hyunjin would only help you both succeed the next time you found yourselves on set, and perhaps something as intimate as cooking together would help you both ease into your roles.

A knock on the door wakes you from your thoughts, prompting you to shuffle hurriedly towards the door to open it for none other than Hyunjin. He greets you with a gentle smile, bowing his head slightly as you let him in wordlessly. There is an awkwardness that hangs in the atmosphere, indicating that you both were uncomfortable with today’s plans and he, too, was likely struggling to find the right words to say.

You take a deep breath in, almost as if you were catching your breath, “Welcome to my place!” You cringe internally at yourself, unable to handle the intensity of the awkwardness between you two and how poor your attempt was to disperse it.

“It’s really nice!” he compliments, standing in place by the entrance after removing his shoes.

“Thank you,” you respond, “Uhm, just follow me, the kitchen is this way. And all the ingredients are ready for us to use, Changbin had them delivered.”

Hyunjin follows you into the kitchen, his eyes taking in every detail around him, filling him with delight to see how characteristic of you the apartment was, it being a perfect representation of your personality. “What are we making again? I don’t think Changbin filled me in.”

“Oh, we’re just making curry udon! It’s something I’ve made before and it’s not too hard. My bad, I didn’t tell Changbin what we were making which is probably why he didn’t tell you. All I did was send him an ingredient list.”

“I forgot you like cooking,” he replies as he stops in your kitchen, quickly turning to the sink to wash his hands.

You hum in response, washing your hands after him, “I think it can be relaxing, but uh, if you want you can start with chopping the carrots and potatoes? I’ll handle the onion and garlic.” Hyunjin nods and follows your orders without much trouble, or so you think, until you turn around and see him holding the knife in a very precarious and questionable manner. Your eyes widen as you rush towards, “Oh my god, that is not how you should be trying to cut a potato. Have you not chopped a veggie in your entire life?”

He smiles sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders, “Listen, I don’t do this cooking thing often,” a gentle chuckle leaving him as he takes amusement in your concern, his heart thumping over the sudden proximity you both now shared.

“I-,” you sigh with a baffled expression, “Okay, let me just show you because I am not having you accidentally bleeding out all over my counter.” 

“You’re more worried about your counters than me?”

“Shut up,” you suppress a laugh before softly whispering, “Here, just do it like this,” you reach over and lay your hands atop of his without second thought, guiding him on how to position his hands without the risk of injury. Once you’ve become aware of how your bodies are pressed up against each other from the side, you jump away in an instant, “That’s it! That’s all you gotta do.” You’re quick to avoid eye contact with him, turning towards your own cutting board as you chastise yourself for being so careless with him at that moment.

Hyunjin’s face and ears were soon dusted with a soft pink, heat rushing across his body over the interaction that seemed so natural, but manages to mutter out a quiet ‘thank you’ before trying his knife skills out once more. Despite your momentary embarrassment, you are sure to take sneaky peaks at Hyunjin to make sure he was handling himself well. You move on from chopping and turn your attention to seasoning the chicken while Hyunjin was still focused on the vegetables, going at a leisurely place which you much preferred in this case. 

The rest of cooking goes on in silence aside from the occasional instruction or question, small witty jokes, and touches that seemed to linger more than necessary, but perhaps that was your imagination. Once everything was done, you both sat across from each other, admiring the fruits of your shared labor that was now plated in front of you both. 

“It looks really good!” Hyunjin comments enthusiastically, a wide, toothy grin spreading across his face. 

“It does, right? Let’s eat!”

Neither you miss a beat, taking a huge bite of the udon noodles, letting out a delighted groan over just how flavorful the food was. “Woah,” Hyunjin groans out, surprise at how well tonight had gone thus far with the added victory of food, “Holy shit, this is so yummy.”

“Mhmm,” you mumble out between slurping noodles, “This is better than when I make it on my own.”

“It’s the Hyunjin special that you’ve been missing this whole time,” he says matter-of-factly with a smug smile.

“You’re being pretty bold for a guy who just learned how to hold a knife today,” you tease, playfully sticking your tongue out. Your eyes catch each other for a moment between your fits of giggles, time stopping for the briefest second possible before you both avert your eyes out of nerves. What was that? You thought frantically to yourself, suddenly hyper aware of the strange warmth in your stomach that was also accompanied with the feeling of your stomach dropping. It was an uncomfortable feeling, one you didn’t know how to explain or ever experienced before, but you did know you didn’t want that combination of symptoms again for whatever emotion this was. You clear your throat, taking a sip of water as if it would wash away the discomfort, “I guess we are pretty good, huh? Maybe our acting project has hope if we are able to work this well together,” you joke, a very poor, if not disastrous, attempt to alleviate the awkwardness that seemed to follow you everywhere these days.

Your words stab Hyunjin in the heart, the guilt he had once forgotten was knocking at the door of his heart, forcing itself in without his permission. His entire demeanor deflated the moment those words left your lips, his heart writhing at the reminder that the only reason this situation existed was because of him and his blinding stupidity. Yet, here you are, warmly inviting into your home and treating him as if he was an old friend of the past, as if he had never wounded you and he couldn’t help but wonder if he was deserving of any of this. He stood still, gulping down his food before faintly whispering a hushed apology.

“I’m sorry.”

Your head snaps back up, your eyebrows furrowing with worry once you sense the sadness lacing his trembling voice, his head now turned downwards as if he was trying to mask his state. Perhaps the joke was a little too soon, you thought, now it being your turn to feel bad. “Ah, Hyunjin, I’m sorry-” you apologize hurriedly, “It was just a joke, please don’t take it too seriously. I’m sorry.”

He forces a smile, waving his hand as if to tell you to not worry about it, the words at the forefront of his tongue, but caught in his throat due to the heaviness sinking in his chest. Once again, shame paralyzed his body, the warm sensation behind his eyes reminding him to blink, reminding him he shouldn’t be so selfish in his pain when he was the cause of so much discomfort. Was any of this okay? Was any of this right? He wonders to himself, still unable to find forgiveness within himself. 

“Hyunjin,” you speak tenderly, your hand reaching across the table to touch his arm, grounding him back in the present, “I promise, it’s okay.” You knew that last bit was a lie, but it was for his own sake and comfort at this point. His treatment, his behavior, his attitude – none of it was ever okay, but you decided to ignore your own feelings and prioritize his. For the first time in two years, you cared about how he felt, you finally cared how your words harmed him, when before all you ever aimed for was a strike to his heart, but today, you chose to comfort his heart that your words unintentionally wounded. Although, your own heart and conscience briefly argued for a moment, one wanting to tend to his hurt, while the other demanded you let him rot in his misery, insisting he deserved it for what he had put you through. It was a tug-of-war you weren’t enjoying, you had almost wished you two remained in your heated hatred for one another and that nothing ever changed. Despite what your mind screamed at you, you chose to listen to your heart, you chose him over yourself.

He takes a deep breath in, trying to collect himself before speaking, “I just–,” a heavy exhale escapes him, “I’m just sorry. I just feel really, really, really bad for everything, but I also feel like I’m not allowed to feel bad when I was the one to hurt you.”

His eyes met yours, the glassiness of his eyes conveying the depth of his guilt, “Oh, Hyunjin,” you whisper apologetically, “Listen, I won’t lie to you, what you did was shitty. You did hurt me, but that is in the past. You feeling bad about it means you’re a good person, right? It means you’re human and that you care, but I don’t want you to let your guilt overwhelm you either.”

It was a genuine response in a moment of sudden vulnerability, your response taking him aback, but the words temporarily placating his never ending thoughts, “I guess, but… I don’t know if I can forgive myself,” he mumbles.

“You don’t have to yet, but you can learn to eventually,” you reply, “I understand it’s hard, and even I still need more time to do that myself, but I do think you deserve to be kind to yourself.” None of that was a lie, you did truly believe he was deserving of his own compassion, but his culpability helped you see the humanity in him. The spitefulness you once knew him for nowhere to be found, but instead there was only a guilt-ridden man who carried a world of humiliation. “I think I can learn to do so soon, too. Spending time with you helps. Besides, I did miss being friends with you if I’m being honest.”

The last sentence causes him to perk up, a small, satisfied smile playing onto your lips, “Really?” he asks, his ears barely believing your words, but his heart was swelling with hope. His eyes search yours, he can’t help but notice how they glimmer under the soft lowlights of your home, and for some reason, he finds warmth and comfort in them. He knows he can trust you, he knows you are being as candor as possible.

“Really, I mean it.”

“I missed it too.”

“Well, I’ll do my best to learn to trust you again. I’ll learn to forgive you eventually, just for now, it still hurts.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll learn too.”

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

taglist: @kopikokrunch @icouldntcareless22 @kidrauhlschik @hhwangsmoon @lestayzone @vixensss @cupidcures @sleepyxxhead @pinkpunkdynamite @kaiyaba taglist cut off at 20 people :)

[starlightsalvatore]

transition / damon salvatore x reader

hello !!!! this is my first time ever writing for the vampire diaries! there will be a part two that I’m currently working on for this, so please let me know if you’d like to be tagged and definitely let me know what you think! 

transition / damon salvatore x reader

summary: after another day in Mystic Falls you find yourself unable to push away the one thought that’s been plaguing you for months... and you turn to Damon for help

word count: 2.8k

warnings: typical vampire diaries violence (blood, etc), fluffy, no use of y/n

Images flooded your mind as you pulled the blanket tighter around yourself to shield from the cool air of your bedroom but it was no use… even if you warmed up it wouldn’t be enough to let you sleep. You should have been used to it all by now, the blood and the gore of your life, and to a certain extent you were. In the heat of the moment you didn’t let it affect you, you carried on with what you were doing, which was usually something to the tune of saving Elena’s life, and you’d do it as many times as you needed… you’d known the girl since diapers, but that didn’t make it any easier when you found yourself alone in the solitude and darkness of your room.

You huffed, sitting upright and accepting your fate, you simply wouldn’t be sleeping tonight. Amidst your brain sorting through and processing the events of the day there was one thought on the forefront, one that had been there for months… Since you first met Klaus, before you helped thwart his plans and turned the affections he once showed you (and affections you exploited when it suited the needs of your friends) to hatred, there was one thought that plagued you. You wanted to be a vampire. Not just because it would make your life easier, not just because you no longer had any family left besides your ragtag group of supernatural friends, a fact that became all the more clear as you walked through your empty and silent house, but because you genuinely thought it would make you feel more whole.

Ever since you found out there could be more to life than the mundane humanity you were cursed with you found yourself longing for something you didn’t know how to ask for. You couldn’t discuss it with anybody. Bonnie and Elena would be disgusted, Caroline would tell you how much she wished she’d been given a choice, and Stefan would tell you about the horrors of his ripper days, Damon though… Damon might understand. To the shock and dismay of your friends you became closer to him than anybody. You didn’t hold the same mere tolerance for the man as everyone else, you thought he was charming, and you often understood the motives behind the decisions he made. You were his only ally when he came back to town and somewhere along the way you became genuine friends, but something held you back from talking with him about this. Whether it was fear of rejection, or fear that he wouldn’t understand you didn’t know, but before you knew it you were climbing into your car in nothing but an oversized tee shirt and following the ever-familiar roads to the boarding house.

You let yourself in as you often did and took note of the quiet house, none of the lights were on as you made your way up the stairs and padded down the hallway, lightly knocking on Damon’s door and when you heard nothing you just pushed your way in and softly settled on the bed beside him. He awoke, eyes searching through the darkness for the intruder before they landed on you and he let out a groan.

“Do you ever knock?” he asked and you chuckled.

“I did, guess that vampire hearing isn’t as good as you think.”

“Well, I should have seen this coming… knew you’d give into my charms sooner or later,” he said, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you into him and you just swatted his chest.

“In your dreams, Salvatore,” you teased, but little did he know it was in your dreams too… but that was another secret you’d keep closely guarded.

“Every night, darling. What are you doing here?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” you mumbled and you felt him nod above you as you settled further into him, soaking up the warmth and comfort he provided. You wondered what the others would think if they got to see this side of him… the one that was kind and affectionate, they might cut him some more slack.

“Staking a vampire as a tiny human tends to do that to a person,” he said with a chuckle. 

“It wasn’t that,” you sighed. Sure, on the surface it was, but beneath it all there was a much larger thought nagging at you. One that would take away some of your fear, make you feel stronger… maybe make you feel more like yourself, something you’re not sure you’ve ever experienced.

“No?” he prompted and you sat up, looking down at him with confliction written all over your face and he sensed it immediately, following suit and flicking the light on his bedside table on. “What’s going through that pretty little head of yours?” he asked, eyes flitting over your face. You were always strong and composed, the most emotion he typically saw you exude was annoyance, and maybe anger, but even then you were calm and controlled… for a human he sometimes found it a little scary. 

“I have something to ask you… I’ve wanted to for a while but I just, I didn’t know how and you might think I’ve gone insane,” you started and he listened to the uptick of your heart rate.

“Well, consider me intrigued.”

You took a deep breath, “would you ever… turn me?” you asked and his eyes widened.

“Turn you? Into a vampire?” he clarified and you nodded. Would he ever turn you? In a heartbeat. He’d thought about it a dozen times or more, on the surface if he was ever asked he’d make some quip about how it would make life easier. One less human to worry about is a win-win for everybody, and it never hurts to have more vampire power on the frontlines but beneath it all he didn’t want to lose you, ever. The fact that you were a fragile human scared him, it made him distracted whenever chaos ensued, which was always, because you often took charge and put yourself in situations you shouldn’t be in and you found yourself on the brink of death far too many times for him to be comfortable with. He loved you, even if he wouldn’t quite admit it to himself yet. The thought of losing you, whether it be sixty years from now of natural causes or next week, was the thing that kept him up at night. “Why are you asking me this?”

“Well, of all the vampires on the roster I figured you were the least likely to lecture me,” you joked but he just shot you a look and you knew that wasn’t the answer he was looking for. “I feel useless, and I don’t feel like myself. I want to help more, I don’t just want to be some meek human everyone has to worry about all the time. I don’t see our lives calming down anytime soon and I want to be able to contribute more.”

“Is that the only reason?”

You sighed again, “when I met you and Stefan I didn’t realize there could be more to life. I thought I would go to college, meet some boring guy, get a boring job, have kids I never really wanted in the first place and go on to die mildly content of some old person’s disease,” you said and he chuckled at the picture you painted of humanity. “I never wanted that but I didn’t see another option… and then you two came to town, and my parents died, and every week I find myself in the midst of supernatural chaos. In the moments I’m doing something to help or when I make you whizz me around the forest like you’re some amusement park ride are the moments I do start to feel like myself.”

“So this is something you’ve been thinking about for a while?” he asked and you nodded. “Why didn’t you bring this up sooner?”

“Thought you’d think I’m crazy, maybe rip my necklace off and compel me to forget I ever asked in the first place,” you answered and he gave you a disappointed look as he did just what you thought he would and pulled the delicate chain from your neck before tossing it aside.

“Be completely honest with me,” he said, eyes dilating as they locked onto yours and his hand softly cradled your jaw as you were frozen under his compulsion. “Do you want me to turn you?”

“Yes, I want you to turn me.” 

“How long have you known you wanted this?”

“Since Klaus came to town, before the sacrifice ritual,” you answered and he was surprised by this… that you’d been thinking about this for that long.

“Do you understand what you’re asking for? The bloodlust, no kids, no way to undo this?” he asked and you nodded softly, eyes still holding his.

“I understand, I know what I’m asking for.” He dropped his hand and pulled away, breaking you from your trance and you blinked as you waited for him to say something. He was weighing his options… sure, he’d wanted this maybe for as long as you had, even fantasized about a life where he could turn you and level the playing field, make it a little easier to clue you in on how he felt about you but he could never bring himself to present it as an option because he couldn’t allow himself to be selfish with you. He thought that would only benefit him, that you were repulsed by the idea of becoming a vampire like Elena was. He knew if he did this the backlash would be intense, people would conveniently ignore it was you who crawled into his bed to ask for this, they’d accuse him of corrupting you somehow but it seemed you’d done that all on your own.

But he realized he didn’t really care about the criticisms, he’d do just about anything to make you happy, to give you everything you ever wanted and this? Well, this was easy. “It seems we have something to celebrate then,” he said as he stood from his bed and walked to his desk to pour two glasses of bourbon and you followed, ignoring the chill that ignited goosebumps over your bare legs. “To your last night as a human,” he said, holding his glass up for you to clink against yours. 

“To my last night as a human,” you repeated, taking a sip. “You don’t have any other questions?” you asked and he smirked at you.

“Do you want me to have more questions?”

“Not really… I thought there’d just be more of a song and dance, more convincing,” you shrugged.

“It’s your choice, if this is the life you want then I’m not going to stand in your way. I asked what I needed to be sure you’ve thought it through,” he replied and you nodded softly as you finished off your drink and he quickly poured you another. “How do you want to go?”

You let out a laugh, “are you asking me how I want you to kill me?” He chuckled and nodded. “Well, you have more expertise on the matter… what’s your recommendation?”

“Breaking your neck. Sounds harsh but you don’t really feel anything, it all just goes dark,” he said and you nodded.

“Sounds like the way to go then,” you said and you suddenly felt nervous. Not because you were having second thoughts, Damon’s compulsion had proven you had none, but you were currently standing on the precipice of something that would change your life forever… truly forever, and the thought had a nervous excitement thrumming through your veins and Damon must have heard your heart rate accelerate because went to fiddle with his stereo before soft music filled the room and you gave him a questioning look.

“What, did you think a lame bourbon toast was going to be the last thing you did as a human?” he asked with a shake of his head, “come on, I’m a gentleman.” You smiled as you took his outstretched hand and let him pull you into him, enjoying the feel of his hands on your waist as you swayed softly to the rhythm and rested your head on his chest as you soaked it all in. He was right, these were your last human moments, you should take the time to let yourself truly feel them.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Now’s your chance,” he said as you lifted your head to look up at him.

“I know emotionally things will get more intense, but what about physically?”

He smiled softly, “everything gets more intense, it’s like there was a barrier between you and the rest of the world before… everything gets brighter and clearer.”

Your eyes brightened, “does this mean I won’t need my contacts anymore?”

He laughed, “you’re moments away from dying and coming back to life and that’s what you’re concerned with?” he asked and you nodded. “Your vision will be crystal clear,” he promised as he twirled you around and you smiled as your back collided with his chest, enjoying the warmth as his arms wrapped around you and guided your hips to the beat. “Your dancing will get a lot better too,” he whispered in your ear and you gasped.

“My dancing is just fine, thank you,” you protested and you felt his chuckle rumble through his chest. He brought his wrist up to bite open and held it in front of you, and you looked up at him through your lashes where he just nodded, letting you know it was okay. You closed your lips around the wound, sucking in the sickly sweet taste as he cradled you against him, still swaying to the music. This wasn’t the first time you’d drank from him, but this was the first time you weren’t lying on the ground somewhere in pain; you were in Damon’s room, safe in his arms and it felt… intimate. You tried to stop yourself from reading into it, this wasn’t something small and meaningless. Everyone had a traumatic story behind their transition into vampirism, he was simply making sure you didn’t have the same experience… or at least that’s what you were telling yourself. 

When he pulled his arm away you turned to face him and wrapped your arms around his neck, “thank you.” you whispered and he just smiled softly.

“Last exit sign before the point of no return, there’s still time for me to lock you in the cell away from any and all danger until it passes from your system,” he said and you laughed as you shook your head.

“I’m sure, Damon. I want this,” you said and he nodded, pulling you flush against him as you continued to dance… there was no rush, you were simply enjoying this moment together before everything changed. He was soaking in these moments of having you in his arms… you might have crawled into his bed in the middle of the night several times a week, too much pent up energy from the latest disaster to let your mind rest, but this was different. You’d come to him with something you couldn’t go to anyone else for, you were entrusting him and him alone to be the one to change you and it meant more to him than he might ever be able to verbalize to you.

“I’ve thought about this before,” he said and you looked up at him confused. “Turning you, more times than I probably should’ve.”

“You have? Why?” you asked, searching his eyes for answers, as if you’d find something unspoken there.

“If someone else asked I’d say it’s because you’re a liability,” he said as he twirled you again before pulling you right back in and you softly gasped at the force with which you collided against him, “you have a knack for running headfirst into danger… it’d be better for everyone if you were a little more durable,” he said and you chuckled. “But really? I can’t bear the thought of losing you. Every time something happens to you I think I lose a piece of my mind, selfishly I’ve wanted to turn you since I met you to ease my own discomfort.”

Your heart pounded against your ribcage, “why did you never say anything?” 

“Because having the thought was selfish enough,” he said, hands trailing up to rest along your jaw. “Are you ready?” he asked and you nodded. “If I’m going to kill you, I need you to say it.”

You giggled, “yes, Damon. I’m ready,” you replied, eyes bright as you looked up at him, unsure of what to expect. His hands shifted, cradling the back of your head and you took a deep breath.

“Close your eyes,” he whispered and you did, feeling his lips press against your forehead and just as he promised… Everything went dark.

[f6bron]

for his eyes only. (18+)

pairing : iso x fem!reader

notes : no plot smut, established relationship, p in v, fluff fluff fluff >.<

Iso smirked as he admired two of the photobooth’s polaroids in his hand.

One for him to show off to his colleagues, and one for his eyes only.

The sensation was disorienting, as if reality itself had been folded and twisted, before finally snapping back into place. You and Iso found yourselves standing in a dimly lit storage room, the air heavy with the scent of dust and forgotten memories.

Your head spun with the abrupt transition, trying to make sense of the new surroundings. Iso’s concerned voice broke through the haze, his eyes scanning you for any signs of injury from the intense battle that had preceded your arrival.

“Y/N, you okay?” Iso’s tone was filled with genuine worry as he reached out to steady you, his touch grounding you in the unfamiliar space.

“Yeah, ‘s just a scratch…” you reassured him, mustering a weak smile to alleviate his concern.

“Alright, good,” Iso gave you a soft smile, “Let’s keep moving, ‘kay? We don’t want to linger here too long.” He suggested, his voice echoing in the stillness of the room.

With cautious steps, you pushed open the creaking door, expecting to find yourselves in the midst of chaos or an unknown landscape. Instead, what greeted you was beyond comprehension.

The storage room opened into a sprawling emporium, shelves lined with an array of peculiar trinkets. But what truly caught your attention was the sight of familiar faces plastered across the merchandise that adorned the walls. Looks like it’s a… Valorant merchandise store?

“Whoa… they’ve got merchandise… of us!” you exclaimed, disbelief colouring your voice as you took in the sight of life-sized cutouts and figurines bearing your likeness. More like, your omega counterpart’s likeness.

Iso followed your gaze, a bemused expression crossing his features as he processed the surreal scene before him. “Technically, it’s not us, bǎo bèi…”

You hurried towards the display, your eyes alight with excitement as you examined all the merch, which made a mischievous thought cross your mind.

“Look, Yuyu!” you called out, pointing to a pair of figurines that seemed to mirror the two of you. “It’s us! They even put us together, like a set!”

Iso couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight, the absurdity of the situation not lost on him. A nagging question lingered in his mind— Did the existence of these figurines imply a deeper connection between the two of you in this alternate reality?

And, does that mean the both of you fuck in this universe too?

“I’m gonna take these home,” you said, a playful glint in your eye.

“Isn’t that stealing? Even my grandma said—” Iso’s protest was met with a dismissive wave from you. “They literally stole the radianites from our earth. This won’t hurt their pockets.”

Iso conceded, you’re right, they stole from us first. Then, a peculiar contraption caught Iso’s eye.

“Hey, would you look at that,” he remarked, gesturing towards a vintage photo booth tucked away in the corner of the room.

Intrigued, you joined him, curiosity piqued by the big box-looking machine. Iso’s gaze lingered on the faded advertisement featuring your Omega counterparts, with adorable animal filters on their faces.

“I wanna try it.” you said, excitement gleaming in your eyes.

“Go ahead—” he encouraged, but before he could react, you seized his hand and pulled him into the photobooth with you.

You excitedly played with the features on the screen, while Iso stood beside you, watching with adoration in his eyes.

“Yuyu, you need to lean down abit, you’re too tall!”

He chuckled, adjusting his position to fit in the frame.

Sitting beside you, Iso burst into laughter when the bunny filter appeared on his face which made his eyes look round with a fuzzy nose and bunny ears.

“Look at you! So adorable ~” you teased, unable to control your laughter.

He sighed, playing along with your silly antics. Whatever you say, princess.

As the camera snapped away, capturing silly moments frozen in time, you and Iso shared playful banter, making funny faces and striking ridiculous poses. Laughter filled the booth as you lost yourselves in the moment, forgetting the chaos of the world outside.

After the last picture was taken, you eagerly retrieved the photo prints from the machine, anticipation bubbling in your chest.

You giggled at the sight of grumpy Iso in one of the photos, adorned with cat ears and bright pink cheeks.

“Is that too funny for you, hm?” Iso teased, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Before you could respond, he pulled you into a tight embrace, pinning you against the wall of the booth.

“Calm down, Yuyu!” you giggled, feeling his soft kisses trailing down on your exposed neck.

You gasped as Iso’s hand moved lower, moving your panties to the side, his index and middle fingers searching for your sweet spots.

“What if someone hears us—” you started, but Iso quickly cut you off with a reassuring whisper.

“The store’s closed, baby,” he murmured, pressing you closer to him. “No one’s gonna know.”

“So wet for me…” Iso smirked, his thumb sneakily rubbing your clit. You tried your best to hold out your moan but you couldn’t handle the pleasure, you threw your head against the wall of the limited space both of you were squeezed into.

You whimpered in response, unable to form coherent words as pleasure washed over you in waves.

“Y/N—” his voice filled with longing, his desire, evident in every touch and every kisses. “‘Need you so bad, bǎo bèi…”

Iso pumped his cock a few times before inserting his tip along your wet folds. He nuzzled his face on the crook of your neck, slowly sinking his teeth into your skin as he tried his best to muffle his moans.

“Oh, so good for me…”

“Yuyu, I—”

Iso leaned back, making eye contact with you. “Look at me, bǎo bèi,” he said, his left hand reaching for your right cheek. “Be a good girl for me, yeah?”

You nodded, while holding onto his neck as you let yourself succumb in pleasure.

Iso couldn’t remember the last time he felt this horny. The urge to fuck you dumb right there and then, and he thought he’s going insane. Well, he’s about to.

He began to thrust into you, gradually picking up to a rough and unforgiving pace he knows you usually like.

With your legs wrapped around his waist pulling him closer, he’s impossibly deep inside your fluttering walls. His big hands palming your ass, almost covering them completely while his grip doesn’t falter, strong arms never getting tired.

Wet slapping sound with each thrust filled the room, your fluttering lips hugging each inch of his dick.

“You’re taking me so good, bǎo bèi… Fuck.” He breathed like it’s a revelation beneath your ear.

You let out soft whimpers and moans, thrashing under him as he sped up his pace.

“Y-yuyu, m’ gonna cum…”

You say through watery eyes, your throat dry from the gasping and moaning you’ve elicited as Iso continued to fuck you.

He chuckled, “I know, darling, I can tell.”

Iso knows too well what he could do to you, Iso knows too well when he feels the sweet clench of your walls around his cock.

Before you could mutter another word, the photobooth’s flash went off.

Wait, what?

“Smile for the camera, sweetheart.”

Your attempt to hide your face away from the camera seemed to fail. Iso’s huge hand grabbed your face, keeping you on display in front of the photobooth camera.

His thrusts became rougher and deeper, which made you roll your eyes.

“Only for my eyes only, only for me…”

You didn’t hear his remarks, too lost in the way his tip touched your cervix to care.

(A/N): iso gets freaky… i want him to be the father of my children hehe

masterlist.

[highpriestessarchives]

A Philosophy Behind Writer's Block: Valuing Despair

Unfortunately, it happened again where I went a little over a month without writing anything I was happy with. I would attempt to get some words down, remembering that even a little bit is progress; but, no matter what I did, everything just felt so dry and dull. Not only that, my stories felt like they were boring or just not worth it anymore. It was awful.

I tried everything that normally helped with getting over writer’s block. I’d try out different times to write, read other books for inspiration, focus on another hobby—still, it all felt like I was banging on a brick wall. That’s when I turned to my philosophy studies, as if there was some sort of deeper consciousness of an answer that would aid my issues.

Well, there was. The infamous Kierkegaardian Despair.

The Sickness unto Death

The Sickness unto Death is a book written by Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard in 1849 under the pseudonym Anti-Climacus. A work of Christian existentialism, the book is about Kierkegaard’s concept of despair, which he equates with the Christian concept of sin, which he terms “the sin of despair.”

In Kierkegaard's work, despair arises from a fundamental disconnection from one’s true self and from God. He distinguishes between different forms of despair, including the despair of having a self and the despair of not wanting to be oneself.

Now, take what you will from the Christian existentialism part (I’m pagan, so I already had mixed opinions on many classic texts on God), but it doesn’t erase how the concept of despair can shed light on the underlying struggles that writers—at least, myself—may face.

It’s Never Just a Phase

Writer’s block can be seen as a manifestation of existential despair in which we feel disconnected from our creative essence or authentic self. This disconnection may stem from various sources, such as self-doubt, fear of failure, or a sense of alienation from one’s creative impulses. We may experience a profound sense of emptiness or meaninglessness, unable to access the inspiration and clarity needed to write.

Moreover, Kierkegaard’s notion of despair as a failure to align with one’s true self suggests that writer’s block may arise when our creative endeavors are driven by external motives or expectations rather than genuine inner inspiration. The pressure to produce work that meets societal standards or fulfills commercial demands can lead to a sense of existential disorientation and paralysis.

Don’t Just Overcome it. Value it.

If you resonate with Kierkegaard’s work, you will agree with his observation that we are always going to despair over something. It’s not about waiting for the tide to roll over or for the dry spell to ease up, but to examine our own self’s relation to what we are lamenting over. He writes:

“Despair is an aspect of the spirit, it has to do with the eternal in a person. But the eternal is something he cannot be rid of, not in all eternity… If there were nothing eternal in a man, he would simply be unable to despair… Having a self, being a self, is the greatest, the infinite, concession that has been made to man, but also eternity’s claim on him.”

Let’s break down the quote and explore how it can inform our approach to overcoming writer’s block:

Despair as an Aspect of the Spirit: Kierkegaard suggests that despair is not merely a psychological state but an aspect of the spirit, rooted in the eternal dimension of human existence. Kierkegaard’s conception of despair invites us to recognize the creative process as a site of existential tension and struggle.

Writer’s block is not merely a technical or practical obstacle to be overcome but a profound existential challenge that confronts us with the limitations of our finite selves and the aspirations of their creative spirit.

The Eternal in a Person: Kierkegaard asserts that despair is linked to the eternal within individuals, suggesting that it arises from a tension between the finite and the infinite aspects of human nature. The finite aspects encompass the temporal, material, and contingent dimensions of life, while the infinite aspects involve the eternal, transcendent, and spiritual dimensions. This tension is inherent in human consciousness and manifests in various forms of despair, such as the despair of weakness, the despair of defiance, and the despair of not willing to be oneself.

This tension between the finite and the infinite can be understood as the conflict between the limitations of our creative faculties and the boundless possibilities of imagination and expression. Writer’s block often emerges when the writer feels constrained by external pressures, self-doubt, or perfectionism, inhibiting their ability to access the infinite reservoir of creative inspiration within them.

Moreover, Kierkegaard’s concept of the finite and the infinite highlights the paradoxical nature of creativity. While the creative process involves the manipulation of finite materials—words, images, sounds—it also taps into something transcendent and ineffable, something that exceeds the boundaries of ordinary experience. Writer’s block can be seen as a manifestation of our struggle to bridge this gap between the finite and the infinite, to give form to the formless, and to articulate the inarticulable.

Having a Self as Eternity’s Claim: In Kierkegaard’s philosophy, the concept of “having a self” refers to the capacity for self-consciousness, self-reflection, and moral agency that distinguishes human beings from other creatures. It involves the awareness of one’s own existence as a distinct individual with thoughts, feelings, desires, and responsibilities. “Eternity’s claim” suggests that the existence of the self is not merely a temporal or transient phenomenon but is imbued with profound significance that extends beyond the confines of earthly life. The self, according to Kierkegaard, is intimately connected to the eternal dimension of human existence, reflecting the divine spark within each individual.

“Having a self as eternity’s claim” suggests that the act of creative expression is not merely a personal endeavor but is also a manifestation of the eternal striving for meaning and significance. Writers, as self-aware and self-conscious beings, bear a profound responsibility to give voice to their innermost thoughts and feelings, to explore the depths of human experience, and to contribute to the ongoing dialogue of humanity.

Embracing Existential Depth

So how do we value despair and overcome writer’s block in light of Kierkegaard’s insights? Writer’s block often extends beyond mere technical or practical challenges and can be rooted in deeper existential concerns. This involves grappling with questions of identity, purpose, and meaning in the creative process. By recognizing writer’s block as a reflection of these existential concerns, we can approach it as an opportunity for self-exploration and growth. Rather than viewing it solely as a barrier to productivity, we can use writer’s block as a catalyst for deeper introspection and self-discovery. This might involve journaling, meditation, or engaging in conversations with fellow writers or mentors to uncover underlying psychological or philosophical issues that may be contributing to the blockage. I have previously posted a blog on writing soliloquies. Embracing existential depth allows us to transform our struggles into sources of insight and inspiration, ultimately enriching our creative work.

There is a large aspect of accepting what you cannot control, another widely-known philosophical concept. Swimming against the current, after all, may prove to be more tiring than it’s worth. Instead, be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion during these moments. Understand that experiencing creative struggles is a normal part of the writing process and treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend facing similar challenges.

Seek social support. Reach out to fellow writers, friends, or mentors for support and encouragement. Sharing your struggles with others can help you gain perspective and feel less isolated in your creative journey, because, trust me, we have all been there.

Ensure that you are also setting realistic goals. All I would want to do was upkeep my 3k word/day momentum, but I would feel even worse about myself for being unable to do so. Break down your writing goals into smaller, more manageable tasks and set realistic deadlines for yourself. Celebrate small victories along the way to maintain motivation.

Finally, what has helped me the most, is to read widely. Immersing myself in diverse genres, styles, and voices provided so much insight into what I could be missing in my own work; or, it simply sparked my love of story-telling all over again.

Closing Words

Remember that writer’s block is a temporary obstacle that can be overcome with patience, persistence, and, apparently, a bit of philosophy. Where there is frustration, we will find insight.

[callsign-rogueone]

nothing burns like the cold - r.g.

what's supposed to be an ordinary afternoon sparring with your friend goes wrong in an unexpected way. words: 1.4k 🏷: one incredibly mild Iron Flame spoiler (Ridoc's signet), she/her reader, very brief description of friendly sparring, no real physical injury, nothing too bad... both of you have Feelings and need to talk about them, Ridoc being sad deserves it's own warning, wingwoman Violet to the rescue! this can be read as a standalone or you can consider it a way-back prequel to hey roomie, my poly Ridoc/Sawyer/reader fic (more of that trio coming soon, by the way!)

Ridoc’s fist lands against your ribs, and you don’t know how to describe what happens, other than cold. Coldest shower of your life, bucket of ice water over your head, jumped into the river in late December cold, that shocks your senses and has you crumpling to the mat beneath you.

Your friends gasp, at your side in an instant.

You’re indoors, but your shirt is soaked like you’ve been out in the rain for twenty minutes, and your hair is dusted with… snow? You blink the wet flakes from your eyelashes, stunned.

Rhiannon helps you to your feet, and you wrap your arms around yourself, shivering.

Sawyer removes his flight jacket, draping it over your shoulders. The fabric is warm with his body heat, but it doesn’t do much to fight the chill you feel around your heart; the way the wet material of your clothes clings to your skin.

“I’m so sorry,” Ridoc breathes. “I had no idea that was going to happen.”

You still haven’t said a word, your entire body trembling — you’re in shock, unable to process your friend’s words.

“Get her into dry clothes,” Bodhi instructs quietly. “She should be fine in a few hours.”

Rhiannon nods, leading you out of the gym and toward your room.

Ridoc stares at his hands, at the frost that still coats his fingertips. You should be fine? Gods, what had he done?

Now he knows how Sawyer felt when his metal-bending signet manifested and he nearly skewered his sparring partner. But that’s the operative word — nearly. He’d definitely hit you with… whatever this is.

“You’re an ice wielder,” Dain answers before the boy can ask, dry and straightforward as always. “Professor Carr can explain.” He takes a few steps toward the door, realizing that Ridoc isn't following him; the younger boy is still stuck in place, silent.

“She’ll be okay,” Violet promises, touching a hand to his arm.

Sawyer offers some encouragement as well: “She knows you didn’t mean it.”

That’s not what he’s worried about.

————————————————

You aren’t at dinner that night, nor at evening formation; he doesn’t see you until breakfast the next day.

Your heart aches as he takes a seat clear across the table from you, as far away as he can be.

Violet comes to sit at your side instead, not mentioning yesterday’s events, but she gives you a soft smile that says I’m glad you’re okay.

You return it, though it doesn't feel as genuine as hers— the cold feeling is long gone, but it’s been replaced with something else that feels just as terrible.

You push the feeling down, waving Sawyer over to sit at your other side and extending him his flight jacket with a soft smile. “Thank you. That was really sweet of you.”

“Of course,” he says, reddening slightly as he puts it back on. He looks like he wants to say something else, but he quiets when he sees you glance at the other end of the table, deflating when you realize Ridoc is already gone.

Ridoc continues keeping his distance. You stand between Rhiannon and Sawyer at morning formation, and sit with them during Battle Brief, Ridoc at the end of your row, uncharacteristically silent.

You don’t see him that afternoon; you haven’t manifested a signet yet, so you aren’t attending Professor Carr’s class. You choose to sit in the study room instead, a textbook in front of you that you hardly touch; you can’t bring yourself to focus.

It’s getting dark out before dinner these days, the winter solstice approaching quickly. It’s supposed to freeze tonight, you’d heard someone say this morning. How ironic.

You sigh, curling up in the chair and tucking your legs to your chest, trying again to start the reading you’d been assigned.

“Mind if I join you?” Violet asks, a matching book of her own in her hand.

You smile softly, gesturing to the chair opposite you.

She sits, but doesn’t take out a pen or paper. “Don’t take it personally,” she says quietly, being mindful of the few other students across the room. “It really spooked him when… that happened. I think he’s afraid he’ll hurt you -- or someone else -- again if he gets too close.”

You’re silent for a moment, your chest aching at the idea of Ridoc, warm, happy, confident Ridoc being afraid, feeling guilty over what had happened by pure accident.

“I talked to him, but I think he needs to hear it from you,” she says gently, opening her book and starting to read, ending the conversation there.

You gaze down at the text, not reading the words -- instead thinking of what you could say to him to make him feel better, to get him back into your life again.

“The truth,” your dragon suggests. “The whole truth.”

————————————————

As soon as Sawyer sees you, he knows what you’re here to do. He excuses himself quietly, mumbling something about forgetting his book upstairs before he shoves everything into his bag and practically bolting away — not subtle at all.

Ridoc blinks in confusion, looking up to ask his friend what the hell that was, but he falls silent when he sees you.

“Hi,” you say quietly.

You could nearly cry at the sound of his voice as he responds, speaking to you for the first time in two days. “Hi.”

You pause, just looking at him for a moment. He looks like he hasn’t slept well for a few nights, his usually vibrant curls and glowing skin flat and dulled. A few of his cuticles are bleeding — he must have been picking at them as a nervous habit.

It hurts you to see him like this.

“You can do this,” she encourages. “Speak from the heart.”

From the heart, you say to yourself. It should be easy enough to say the things you’ve wanted to tell him for weeks.

He speaks before you can, but remains seated, making no move toward you. “I’m so sorry,” he says quietly. “I know saying it won’t change anything, but I really am sorry.”

You smile at him softly. “It’s okay. I’m fine, really. I slept it right off.”

You’d looked and felt so cold yesterday, but here you are, healthy and smiling, not mad at all.

“I’m still sorry. It was an accident, but if I had hit any harder, or hit you somewhere else, I don’t know…” he chews his lip, clearly still upset. “It scared the crap out of me, seeing you like that.”

You slide into the seat next to him and take his hand gently, interlocking your fingers. The warmth of your skin comforts him — that, and the fact you’re still willing to touch him after the other day, when that same hand had nearly frozen you to death.

“I never want that to happen again, especially not to you,” he says softly, gazing at your hands. “I really like you, you know.”

“You like everyone,” you say, not quite following. “That’s your whole deal. You’re easily the most likeable and easygoing guy in the quadrant.”

He cracks a smile, and you feel every ounce of stress melt from your shoulders at the sight of him happy again. “I’m glad you think so, but that's not what I meant.”

Your breath catches. Is he saying what you think he’s saying? He can’t be.

“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you.”

You blink at him once, twice, letting out a shocked laugh.

His face falls, and he pulls back, starting to gather his things from the table. “Forget it.”

“No, hey, I’m sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you,” you say quickly, reaching for his hand again. “I was laughing because I came here to say the same thing. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you, too.”

“Really?” he breathes, starry-eyed.

“Really,” you confirm. “I have been for a while.”

“Can I kiss you?” he asks, maybe a little too eagerly.

You smile. “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”

His lips are on yours before you can blink, soft and plush and perfect. He lifts his other hand, settling it on your waist ever-so-gently, stroking over the slightly tender spot in your ribs in a silent apology. The warmth of his palm against your side soothes the ache, relaxing you completely.

He pulls back after a moment, gazing at you softly.

“I think I’m more than pretty sure after that,” you breathe, stunned.

It’s his turn to laugh as he presses another soft kiss to your lips. “Me too, princess. Me too.”

[companionhell]

I'm a slut for the 'overheard conversation' trope so like,,, romanced companions react to overhearing a nervous Sole as they're practicing their proposal speech? Bonus if Sole is ramble monologuing out loud they're worried it's not good enough for their amazing bf/gf. Just some nice fluff to make your day bright. ((Only if you want to of course. Love ur work, m8))

This ended up pretty long, so I put it under a read more. Enjoy! :)

Cait: Cait’s hearing wasn’t the best after years in the deafening Combat Zone, but Sole wasn’t exactly speaking quietly. So she listened in pretty damn easily-- who in god’s name was Sole talking to, anyway?

“Cait, darling,” Sole said, then paused. Cait strained to hear more, interested by the mention of her name, but the next few words were mumbled. The next she heard was the middle of a sentence: “--start over. Look, I know this isn’t… this maybe isn’t what you were expecting. I don’t know. This stuff is different, after the war. But I can’t think… shit, no, that’s bad.” Sole took a rattling breath, and Cait stepped closer over squeaky floorboards-- what was all this about? “You’re just… Cait, you’re everything to me, and I’m so in love with you, and I just… I wanna marry you.”

Sole jumped when Cait opened the door, looking her lover in the eyes. “You… you just said… you want to marry me? That’s… you really mean that?” Cait’s eyebrows were raised in absolute surprise, and when Sole nodded nervously, Cait broke into a genuine smile. “Never thought I’d be the marryin’ type,” she said, pulling Sole into a kiss. “But, if you really want it… I don’t think you know how much this means to me.”

Curie: Curie did have some manners programmed into her, but her intense desire to learn more about people in general (and Sole in particular) won out. She’d never understood talking to yourself, and she hoped to figure out more by listening in on Sole from the next room, thinking of it more as scientific observation than eavesdropping. It was quite a fascinating habit, after all!

But after only a minute or two, Curie quickly figured out what was going on. “Curie, my love. I don’t know… Okay, not that. Um, there’s a human tradition I’d like you to participate in. With me. It’s to show how much I love you, to promise I’ll stay with you forever… alright, that’s a little better.” Curie started smiling behind her hands, unable to contain the butterflies of excitement in her stomach. Ignoring Sole’s next mutterings about how she deserved a better speech, Curie made her way to their bedroom with a lovestruck expression.

“Oh, mon p’tit chou!” Curie exclaimed. Sole stood at the mirror, holding what looked like a pre-war ring, surprise and embarrassment filling their face as they realized that Curie had heard. She didn’t care that she’d flustered them, though, and clasped her hands to her chest. “Is it true, my love?” Once having received Sole’s affirmation, Curie pressed light kisses on their face in quick succession, speaking in between: “Oh, I love you. I feel my heart may burst- I never knew there could be such bliss.”

Danse: Danse wasn’t really consciously eavesdropping. The house’s walls were thin, and he was just drawing out possible modifications in the next room when he heard Sole talking to themselves. He didn’t think much of it at first- they talked in their sleep, after all. It was likely just another unthinking habit of theirs, so he barely processed their words while he concentrated.

“This needs to be good.. I can’t… ah, damn, I’m going to mess this up.” Danse heard the nervousness in Sole’s voice and momentarily forgot his work, eyebrows furrowing. “Alright. Recent events have been… uh, difficult. For all of us. And I know you’ve been taking time to sort everything out. I have been, too. I was just dropped into the apocalypse without my family, and since then, it’s mostly only gotten worse.” Danse put down the pen and stood, hesitating. He didn’t know what to do, but Sole spoke again. “But if there’s one part of this world I couldn’t live without, it’s… it’s you, Danse. You’re more important to me than words could say. I’m in love with you. And I’ve been thinking about it, and I want to marry you.”

Sole stopped talking, interrupted by loud footsteps rounding the corner and the door slamming open. Danse stood there, flustered and mouth agape, eyes surprised and confused. “Did you… Did you just say you want to marry me?” Sole, more shocked than embarrassed, repeated their proposal, and Danse moved to hold them close, arms wound snugly around the person who’d, months before, saved his life. “I… I can’t explain to you how much that means to me. It’s… a lot to think about, but… I can’t imagine facing the world without you.”

Deacon: Deacon knew something was up with Sole from the minute he heard them talking to themselves. He stepped silently to the end of the hallway, avoiding the squeaky floorboards whose locations he’d memorized, and stopped by the doorway. Deacon steadied his breathing, shifted the center of his weight, and listened.

“Deacon, I…” There was a deep exhale. Deacon’s heart jumped for a moment- had he been seen? But no, Sole continued. “I need to tell you that in this insane world, one of the first things I learned was not to trust anybody. But I can’t help but feel that you’re… different, I guess. Shit, I need another word… you’re… you make this big show about lying a lot, but you don’t bullshit about your beliefs. You don’t bullshit about how fucked-up all this is, and you don’t bullshit about where you came from, and that makes you more genuine than nine-tenths of the people here. I’ve fallen in love with you, Deacon, and I wanna marry you.”

Deacon couldn’t stop himself from inhaling sharply. He… he needed to go think about it. So he quietly made his way outside, lighting a cigarette and staring into the post-apocalyptic wilderness. And Deacon thought- he thought about Barbara, and about the love he’d been so happy to find in Sole, and about himself. Could he commit to moving on? Would Barbara have wanted him to? Did it matter? The next few days were more solemn for him than usual, as he made his decision. And he was glad he’d thought about it- glad that, when Sole finally got it together and proposed, he was able to finally say yes.

Gage: Gage wasn’t really the stealthy type. Looking for Sole, he checked every room in the house, finally walking to their shared bedroom. He didn’t even bother trying to muffle his steps, and considering the heavy-ass cage armor he wore, Gage was pretty damn loud. So when he saw that Sole hadn’t even noticed said clunking footsteps, and that they were so focused on muttering to themselves that they hadn’t turned around to see him, Gage had to listen in.

The first few seconds was just Sole swearing before sighing heavily. “Gage… It’s been a wild ride.” What the hell did that mean? Gage didn’t have time to think about it too much before Sole shook their head and moved on. “This world is fucking insane, and- I don’t think the people are more untrustworthy. I think they’re just more honest about it. Anyway, it was kinda a culture shock. But after wandering in the wasteland, I found my place. At Nuka-World. As leader of the raiders. Gage, I found my place with you.” His eyebrows shot up. Their relationship usually didn’t involve this kinda sappy shit- but this felt more important than usual. “I… I love you, Porter. And I know it’s not a raider ‘thing,’ but fuck it- I’m the Overboss, and I say what I want, so I wanna get married.”

“Damn, Sole,” Gage said, crossing his arms. Sole couldn’t ignore that one. They turned, clearly flustered at the interruption, and opened their mouth to speak- “Nah, gimme a minute, boss. Shit, Sole, that was somethin’ else. And… I guess marryin’ always seemed like bleeding heart bullshit to me, but… you are friggin’ amazing, boss, and if I’m stickin’ with anybody for life, ain’t nobody I’d rather be with than you.” He smiled, kind of sheepishly, and when Sole came over to embrace him, Gage held them tighter than he ever had before.

Hancock: Yeah, okay, Hancock was being kinda sneaky. But the ghoul had damn good ears (what was left of ‘em, anyways), and couldn’t help but try to listen when he heard muttering coming from the room he shared with Sole. So there he was, half-crouched in the hallway, straining to hear what his significant other was saying. This wouldn’t be as hard if Sole wasn’t speaking so damn quiet, anyway.

“John.” That was the first word Hancock heard, and he was already paying attention. Sole only called him that when they were being serious- a couple of near-death scenarios, a heartfelt conversation or two, maybe a few (or more) of their nights together. “My love, I know… commitment isn’t your thing. I understand. And I know you’re doing a lot more of that than usual for me-- I’ve seen you turning down hopefuls from Goodneighbor up to Far Harbor. But I just… I love you, John, and it would mean a lot…” A pause, and a heavy sigh. “Fuck it, I’m never gonna do this right.”

Hancock had inched close enough to the threshold to see Sole staring at their hands- was that a ring glinting in the light? His breath caught in his throat and before he knew it he was tip-toeing outside, somewhere open, somewhere else. He rummaged in his bag for something to take the edge off, but nothing seemed right-- Jet to slow the hell down or Mentats to think clearly? Hancock settled on both, and he sat there and thought for what felt like hours. From the minute he woke up from his radioactive dose he’d never expected anyone to wanna deal with him for much longer than a night or two. Sole was the wrench in that plan… and the best damn thing that’d ever happened to him. Oh, Hancock had made his decision when Sole was the first person he’d sincerely told he loved them since childhood. And when they finally got their act together and asked him, he might as well confirm it.

MacCready: MacCready was about to amble into the room, looking for a comic he’d misplaced- he was sure he’d last been reading it in bed- then heard Sole talking. He stopped instinctively, pausing at the door to listen. Was… anybody else in there with them? No, it seemed like the only one speaking was an increasingly frustrated Sole. MacCready debated with himself for a minute, then elected to stay there, leaning closer to the door to better hear.

“RJ, you gave me something a while back. Something that meant a lot to you.” Were they talking about the toy soldier? What the heck was going on? MacCready edged closer. Sole was sitting on the bed, turning something over in their hands. “It’s time for me to… No, that’s stupid. Um, I want to give something to you too. I love you, RJ. We’ve both lost a lot, but I think it’s best we look to the future. Together.” They slumped, muttering something about how they sounded like an idiot, and MacCready finally caught a glimpse of what they were holding. A ring. Identical to the one they always wore.

He felt tears burning his eyes. After Lucy, he thought he’d always be alone. And here came Sole, who’d not only saved his life and his son’s, but also made him happy for the first time in years. Not barely getting by, not ignoring his pain, but truly happy. “Hey, handsome/beautiful,” he said, crossing the threshold. He laughed at Sole’s shocked expression, and found himself unable to stop smiling. “I definitely don’t deserve someone as good as you, but… hey, if you wanna keep this little thing we have going forever, well, who am I to say no?”

Nick: Alright, Nick had a sneaky bone or two. You had to in his line of business. But he made a point of not going digging through Sole’s dirty laundry, so he tried his absolute hardest to be as not-nosy as possible when he heard them talking from the bedroom. But good god, were they talking for a long time. And loudly. He walked down the hallway, fully intending to alert Sole to his presence, mind you, but heard them say his name. He stopped. What on earth were they on about?

“Nick, I wanted… no.” Sole took a deep breath. “Nick. My love. You’re the best man in the Commonwealth, synth or not. You’re compassionate, and caring, and funny as hell. And I…” They paused, as if thinking. Nick watched from the doorway. Sole was looking into the mirror, staring at themself, and shook their head. “I’m not good enough for you. But… I love you, Nick. And I kinda want to stick together. ‘Long as I’m kicking, anyway. There doesn’t need to be any ceremony or anything if you don’t want to-–”

Nick didn’t hear anything after that. Ceremony? He retreated back down the hallway, as quietly as he came, and sat on the front stoop. Lit up a cigarette. Watched the sunset and the comings and goings of the neighbors. He thought for a long time, examining his reluctance to marry Sole-- the best thing that had happened to him in his decades wandering the Commonwealth. It wasn’t Jenny. God knows she’d have wanted him to move on years ago. And it wasn’t a lack of love. Sole was all an old bot could ask for– the luckiest day of his life was the day they crawled outta that cryo-pod. It had more to do with his disbelief that a stunner like Sole would want to be tied down to a run-down synth with a bum hand and a hole in his neck. He didn’t deserve them. But hey, it was their choice, he thought, looking up at the stars. He’d marry them, alright. And he’d follow wherever they led.

Piper: Piper grinned when she heard Blue mumbling in the bedroom. Their sleeptalking was always priceless. She grabbed a pad of paper from her pocket and slowly eased her way down the hallway, careful not to make too much noise. Sole was a light sleeper. Piper peeked around the door, her playfulness rapidly turning to confusion as she saw that Sole wasn’t asleep, after all. They were sitting on the bed, turned away from her, but still speaking softly. What the heck were they doing?

Sole looked deep in thought. “Maybe start out with… Piper, you’re hard on yourself. Hmm… no, that’s no good.” What? Piper was hard on herself? She leaned in closer to hear. She had good ears, but Blue was barely speaking audibly. Sole kept going. “I know you think of yourself as loud and pushy, but what I see is the kindest woman I’ve ever met. You’re confident, you’re honest, and you’re determined to do good in the world.” Sole looked down at something they held in their hands. “And I know the institution of marriage probably isn’t important to you– or to the Commonwealth, generally– but I thought I’d ask– no, that’s wrong…”

As Sole continued workshopping their phrasing, Piper’s jaw dropped. Marriage? She sidled into the bedroom, purposefully stepping loudly, and saw a glint of gold in Blue’s hands. “Blue!” she said too loudly, startling Sole, who nearly dropped the ring. “Oh, I, uh– Damn it, I’m sorry, Blue, I messed up your moment.” Piper came closer, cupping Sole’s face in her hands. “What did I ever do to deserve you?” She kissed their forehead, smiling at their still-shocked face as she pulled away. “My answer is yes. I will marry you, Blue.”

Preston: Preston definitely hadn’t meant to overhear anything. He’d woken up with his arms empty. Sole wasn’t there. Not too unusual– sometimes they got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Still, it was hard to sleep without Sole next to him. Groggily, he lifted his head off the pillow and looked around. It was dark. No moonlight shone through the window. But under the bathroom door, there was a crack of light. And through the wall, he could swear he heard… mumbling?

Preston frowned. It had been about a year since they’d taken down the Institute– since Shaun had died. He couldn’t imagine that kind of pain. He’d woken up before to find them crying, silently, in his arms, and done his best to comfort them. He wiped the sleep from his eyes and rolled out of bed, crossing quietly to the bathroom door. Inside, he could hear Sole speaking. He paused for a second to listen. “Preston, I– I don’t think I can… no, that’s no good.” Preston furrowed his eyebrows, lifted his hand up to knock, but was interrupted when Sole started speaking again. “I can’t express in words how much I love you. You’re– you’re kind, and loving, and sweet, and– shit, I’m rambling. Um–”

Preston smiled, leaning on the door so it swung open. “What are you…” He trailed off as he saw what Sole was holding. A ring. The ring that matched the one they always wore. Tears pricked at his eyes. “Are you… planning to propose? …To me?” When Sole confirmed it, Preston beamed. He didn’t think he’d ever stop smiling. He pulled Sole into a hug, pressing kisses against their temples and their forehead. “God, I love you. Of course I’ll marry you– if you’ll have me.”

X6-88: X6 was... concerned. When he and Sole spent an evening at Sanctuary, they usually spent their free time tinkering with their weapons or armor. Or catching up with the settlers. But this time, they’d simply given him a kiss and retreated straight to the bedroom. After two hours of messing with mods for his laser pistol, it seemed clear that Sole wouldn’t be joining him anytime soon. So he quietly trod down the hall. As he approached the bedroom door, he could hear Sole speaking.

“Why am I doing this anyway?” X6 moved closer. Had he done something to upset them? Why not talk to him about it? “He’ll think it’s too sentimental... shit. Maybe I can-- um, alright. X6.” He started, thinking for a moment that Sole had discovered him in the hallway, but they continued talking. Practicing talking to him? “You’re determined, you’re loyal, you’re funny. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And-- and it would mean a lot to me if-- well, you might not care about this kind of thing, but...”

“What kind of thing?” X6 asked, stepping into the room. Sole whipped around to look at him, too surprised to hide what they’d been holding. A gold ring. A wedding ring. X6 took a moment. Sole was right, in a way. He’d keep watching their back until the day he died, and he had never thought of needing a ring or a ceremony to prove it. But... Sole was the person he most cared for in the world. Maybe the only person he cared for. And if wearing a ring was important to them? He would proudly wear his loyalty to them on his finger. It was no object.

[mollysolo]

Hiii can I request (if they’re open) of Eddie Munson x reader where maybe the reader flirts with him but he kinda thinks she’s joking or making fun or something?

I’m Being Serious, Munson

Pairing: Eddie Munson X gn!Reader

Summary: Eddie is unable to see how serious you are whenever you flirt with him as a result of his past.

Warnings: Mentions of Eddie being bullied and some cursing.

Word Count: 915

a/n: i hope you like this!

Eddie came into your place of work, Family Video, every week and a half to trade in the last movie he had rented and pick out a new one.

You had seen him around school a bunch of times prior to your graduation from Hawkins High.

You had always thought that he was handsome and you wanted to talk to him, but your best friend, Steve told you to not go through with that. Steve always claimed all throughout high school that Eddie was ‘bad news’.

But you never believed Steve when he said this. To you, Eddie looked kind and shy and he had the kind of pretty eyes that made you want to stare at him forever.

Every time he visited the store, you tried to flirt with him but he never responded to you and you wondered if he thought that you were playing some sort of prank on him. You thought that this might be a possible answer to your problem as you were friends with Steve and he wasn’t as nice as he is now when you were in high school.

Just a few years ago, you had convinced Steve to apologize for what he had done to Eddie and Eddie never had any idea that you were the reason Steve apologized.

But luckily for you on this sunny Saturday afternoon, you were the only one working during Eddie’s routine visit to the store. You just hoped he would show up this week.

You wanted to change what he thought about you.

Currently, you were putting all of the returned ‘Star Wars’ tapes back onto their shelf, not really paying attention to anything else around you as the store was empty at the moment.

Seeing as you were the only employee in the store, Eddie swiftly walked up to you once he spotted you and tapped your shoulder, accidentally startling you in the process.

You let out a sharp gasp and pressed your hand to your chest, “Jesus Christ, Eddie, you scared the shit out of me.” you said, your eyes wide.

“Sorry,” he quietly said as his eyes seemed to dart around the area, “I’m ready to check this out.” he told you as he held up an old copy of the movie ‘Carrie’.

“Alright, pretty boy. I’ll be over in just a sec.” you replied, a soft smile on your face as you took five more tapes from the cart in one hand.

He smiled back at you, but you could tell it wasn’t genuine and you knew in that moment that your suspicions were true, he thought you were playing a prank on him. You frowned to yourself as he walked over to the register.

Little did you know, Eddie thought so poorly of you because of the one specific person you surrounded yourself with in high school. He just wanted to avoid being tormented all over again.

You then walked up behind the counter a few minutes later and typed the movie into the computer in front of you, a calm look on your face.

“That’ll be $15.” you told him, turning to face him as you placed one of your hands on your hip.

He quickly handed you the money he owed and just seconds after his receipt was done printing, you quickly wrote your number on it with a pen that was conveniently right next to the printer.

“Call me.” you said with a bright smile as you handed him his receipt.

He raised his eyebrows with confusion but this confusion went away the second he read what you had written on his receipt.

“No thanks, I’d rather not be at the receiving end of another prank.” he told you as he stuffed the piece of paper into the front pocket on his jacket, a sad look on his face.

Your eyes met his right away as you began to speak, “I’m being serious, Munson.” you replied.

He then rolled his eyes at you and said, “How do I know your not some asshole like your friend Harrington?”

You took a deep breath then opened your mouth to talk again, “Do you remember when Steve apologized to you junior year?” you asked him, your hands now lightly resting on the counter right in front of you.

“Yeah. But what does that have to do with anything?” he asked in response as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“He apologized to you because I had convinced him to, I was tired of seeing that look on your face whenever he came up to you and insulted you. I didn’t like seeing the boy I was secretly in love with look so miserable. And I only promised to stay friends with Steve if he apologized and changed his ways.” you explained to Eddie, a shocked look slowly appeared on his face while you spoke.

He raised one of his eyebrows, “Is all of that true?” he asked, still not completely convinced.

“Yes, it is. I have no reason to ever lie to you, Eddie.” you told him with a sincere look in your eyes.

Eddie smiled at you for a moment then spoke again, “Alright, I’ll call you soon then, sweetheart.” he said with a wink and a smile before he left the store.

You smiled right back at him as left, your cheeks blushing. You were glad that you were able to show him that you weren’t the mean person he thought you were.

Follow my library account to keep to date with the things i write !

Navigation

[redheadloverr]

Asking them to be “flings”

i have no other way to really tittle this idea but heres the concept;

randomly hitting genshin boys up (separately ofc!) saying you want a ‘fling’ and you end up confessing to them!

gn!reader x anemo boys!

quick A/N! I’ll check grammar/misspellings later, also trying a new style to my blogs so pls let me know if you like this style better! <3

Heizou

at first he thought you were joking. he completely laughs in your face, unaware that this would be something you’d actually want.

“you’re funny, y/n.” he says with a chuckle, ignoring you and going back to his work. after he realizes you’re serious, he looks up at you examining your expression.

“you’re serious?” he asks, still examining you. you nod at him and he continues. “we’ll, I’m not opposed to that idea. I never thought you’d be the type to ask something like that, though. so tell me, what’s your motive?”

you stare at him shyly, not knowing what to say. you couldn’t just tell him you had a crush on him this whole time and that you only want to hook up because you’re too scared to get rejected by him.

he notices your long pause and continues, trying to tease you. “don’t tell me you have a crush on me~”

you stiffen. you know he’s teasing you yet the thought that he may or may not know is eating you up inside. you’re unable to speak, your cheeks turn a light pink.

“is that the case?” he asks you firmly, trying to read your face before continuing.

you weakly nod and wait for his reaction. he closes his eyes, thinking for a moment.

“if that’s the case, I don’t want to be ‘flings’.” he says, finally looking at you. “if you want to date, I’m more than happy to oblige.”

you two smile at each other before setting up dinner plans for later that evening. you feel so happy you could die!

Kazuha

“no.” he says seconds after you ask him, completely crushing you.

you awkwardly turn to leave the room when he reaches for your hand.

“wait-“ he pauses, “don’t ask anyone else, though.”

“I won’t, I only wanted to do it with you” you’re immediately shocked that you’d even confess something like that to kazuha of all people. you cover your mouth, turning away from him to hide your embarrassment.

he turns his head, confused at you. “what do you mean, Y/N? why only with me?”

you take a deep breath before speaking. “I like you kazuha, I’ve liked you for a while now. I didn’t know how to tell you so I thought maybe I would just ask if you’d want to hook up and maybe something will happen out of that..” you were rambling at this point.

he silently nods while listening to you, his expression not changing once. when you finish talking, he smiles at you. “you should’ve said that from the beginning. I don’t do those ‘flings’ but I’d be more than happy to take you out for dinner and see where things go from there.” his smile is warm and genuine. he gently pats your head before he speaks again. “are you free this weekend? I know a spot.”

Scaramouche

he drops what he’s doing and gives you a death stare, sending shivers down your spine. “excuse me?”

you flinch a little at his words, not knowing what else to say. “repeat yourself.” he says firmly. you tell him again, in a smaller voice.

“I thought that was what you said.” he said with a sigh. “what’s your reasoning? you’re not the type that usually asks me for such a.. request.” he looks you up at down trying to read you.

“well.. I just.. I like you.” you say shyly, almost scared.

“what?” he stares at you again, but he stares at you a lot softer.

“I like you, I’ve been trying to confess to you for a while now but you just never got the hits.. I know you hook up with people casually so I thought maybe I could try that route instead.” you go on, rambling.

“stop.” he says, and you tighten up. “you like me?” he asks. you shyly nod. “are you sure?” he says, more so asking himself.

“of course I’m sure!” you say, wondering why he would even ask that. he takes a moment to process everything.

“I like you too.” he says, now shyly. “I didn’t think you’d like someone like.. someone like me.” he says.

you chuckle, “of course you’d say that! you’re far more than just your title and your past, scara. I want to get to know every side of you.”

he shyly moves closer to you, holding your hands, looking at them. “thank you.” he says before he looks up at you and smiles.

Venti

venti giggles at you, shaking his head. “oh Y/N, I know you’re way too innocent to ever want to have a ‘fling’ with someone randomly.” he holds your hand, looking into your eyes. “so, why all of a sudden have you asked for such a thing?”

venti was so good at reading you he knew, he didn’t even have to look at you to know this isn’t the type of thing you’d ever do. you felt like you had no choice but to be honest with him. making up a lie wouldn’t help this situation.

you take a deep breath, “venti, I have a crush on you.” you look at him, waiting for a response before continuing.

he nods, waiting for you to keep talking, so you do. “I didn’t know how to bring it up, I thought this would be the best way to ease my way in..”

he sighs, placing his hand on your shoulder. “oh Y/N. you should’ve just told me, it would’ve been a lot less more embarrassing on your part and a lot easier.” he walks towards a tree, patting the ground next to him, hinting you sit next to him.

you take a seat next to him as he continues. “I have no clue why you decided to ask me that of all things, but I’m glad it wasn’t the reasons most people ask others for such a thing.” he smiles at you, holding your hand. “with that being said, I like you too. I don’t know when I started liking you, but I did and I still do. you amaze me everyday, even now. If I had to spend the rest of a lifetime with someone, you’d be my first choice.” he looks at you, waiting for you’re response now.

your cheeks turn a deep red shade. he chuckled at your reaction. he leans over saying “I hope we can be more than friends after this” before moving your head towards him, kissing you.

Xiao

xiao has no words, he just stares at you. dumbfounded. he couldn’t believe you had just said that, and he couldn’t believe he was blushing because you said that. he blinks before asking you “can you say that again? I don’t think I heard you right?”

you shyly nod, repeating the same request you had asked him just a couple seconds ago. he covers his mouth, looking around to see if anyone was around.

“why? who put you up to this?” he seems a bit angry, annoyed. he grabs your wrist, and takes you to a private area.

“no one put me up to this!” you tell xiao as he continues to pull you along with him. “I’m the only one who made myself say that, and now I regret saying anything at all.” he stops walking and looks back at you.

“why did you say it then?” he says eager to know the reason. “I like you, xiao. I didn’t know how to tell you so I thought maybe this could help me a little? It was dumb I know but..” “It’s not dumb!” he cuts you off, “I think it’s kind of cute, and I’m flattered you would.. like me” he says the last part shyly

“of course I like you, xiao. I’ve liked you for a while now, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me..” you say shyly

he smiles, “and you’re the best thing that’s happened to me as well. but please, don’t scare me like that again.” you both chuckle.

“would you like to go out later today?”

[wave2tyun]

cool hot sweet love (yeonjun's ending)

word count: about 1k

a/n: don't read this if you haven't read cool hot sweet love first :0

(yeonjun<3)

[12:46 pm]: hey ;)

[12:46 pm]: mind if i come by your place tonight?

you put your pillow over your face, silently screaming into it. that wasn’t at all how you expected your day to start. your mind was still foggy from having barely woken up, unable to process the text on the screen of your phone. shoot. there was no way you could handle avoiding him after last night. and even if you managed to do that today, at home, it would be impossible to continue doing so at the beach. your fingers typed in a quick reply before you changed you mind.

[y/n, 12:54 pm]: not at all :)

[yeonjun, 12:56 pm]: great, see you at 8 then ;)

‘now what’. you were in distress, the lack of energy you woke up with long gone, now replaced with an uncontrollable adrenaline rush. you glanced around your room- it was a mess. at least you could pass time by cleaning it.

however, cleaning ended up being far from a relaxing activity, as your brain kept on randomly reminding you of last night’s events; whenever you had a moment of peace, you could suddenly feel yeonjun’s hands on your body, his husky voice whispering sweetly in your ear. you splashed ice cold water on your burning cheeks, trying to get the image of yeonjun’s necklace dangling over you, plump lips about to touch yours. you put on music, talked to yeji, played games- but in the end it was all in vain- yeonjun had you wrapped around his little finger.

you almost forgot that he was supposed to come over, being too caught up in your thought. the sound of the doorbell made you crash back down into reality. you couldn’t tell whether those hours of waiting felt like months or seconds.

you cleared your throat, opening the door to let yeonjun in. you sat there, wide eyes stuck on his shoulders, not daring to look up and gaze into his eyes.

“hi” you blurted out.

“hi-“ he stopped, eyebrows knitting together “y/n are you good? your face is flushed- do you have a fever?” he asked, voice filled with genuine worry. his fingers cupped your face to check your temperature, which you tried to remove frantically, your heart skipping a beat.

“ah- don’t worry about that” you quickly shook your hands in the air, trying to put some space between the two of you again “i wouldn’t have said yes if i was unwell- just, come in” you stumbled over your words, you almost wanted to slap yourself in the face.

“yeji is in the living room, do you want to go there-“

“actually, i was hoping i could talk to you, in private” yeonjun smiled shily, scratching his neck.

oh.

“yeah sure- we can go upstairs then.”

you walked ahead, yeonjun trailing down behind you. you opted to go out on the balcony, hoping that a breath of fresh air could help. you placed your arms in front of you, yeonjun’s body sitting close, slightly brushing against yours. he licked his lips, slightly hesitating to tell you the reason he wanted to see you so soon.

“the stars look so beautiful tonight” you attempted to fill up the silence.

“but not as beautiful as you” yeonjun spoke quietly.

your ears were still able to pick up his words “you’re just saying that” you snorted, looking down at your hands. it didn’t seem like he was teasing- but why? your heart didn’t accept to simply assume his feelings, you wanted to hear him say it.

“i’m not, i really mean it” he said in a serious tone, his eyes fixed on you. you gulped, chewing on your bottom lip. there was no hint of a joke behind his words.

“...why?” you breathed out, gathering the courage to meet his eyes for the first time that night. his body moved from his initial position, now standing right in front of you.

“why?” he repeated your words, chuckling, then he spoke once again, voice laced with honey. “i like you” he tilted his head back, his eyes searching the stars once more before looking back at you.“ i couldn’t quite understand why it was that my heart fluttered so much the day i met you. but i do- god i really do.” yeonjun rambled, taking your hand in his and slowly intertwining your fingers “i wouldn’t mind getting my heart broken if it’s by you.” he whispered, leaning his forehead on yours. you cupped his cheek with your other hand, pressing a featherly kiss on the corner of his lips “i would never allow for that to happen.” you grazed your thumb against his cheek “i like you too, junnie” you met his lips in a small kiss, then a slow one, followed by a soft giggle audible to only the two of you. yeonjun hummed, capturing your lips with once more, with passion. “your lips taste even sweeter than i had imagined” he breathed out, moving you along with him until your back hit the wall. his hands sneaked down and found their place on your waist, fondling with the hem of your shirt. he rested his forehead against yours again, rubbing your noses together. “more- i want to kiss you more” he murmured. each kiss just got more and more heated, fired up by the desire that you both had been holding back until now. he let his fingers trail down your bare back, under your shirt, making goosebumps arise on your body. his touch was simply addictive, making you feel warm all over. the need to gasp for air was the only thing that made you detach your lips from his. you sat there, wrapped in each other’s arms, wet lips from the kisses sitting just mere centimeters apart, hot and heavy gasps combining together until you could finally breathe again. yeonjun opened his eyes “so pretty” he whispered, then lifted your chin up with his finger “wanna go inside for another round, love?”

taglist: @huekalover3000 @maybabe00 @sunoooism

[purgemarchlockdown]

Let's Keep It Simple: Power Dynamics in Milgram

(CWs: Ableism, Abuse, Bullying, Unhealthy Power Dynamics)

(This is partially me putting this post and this post together and partially a more cleanly written version of the ideas discussed in this reblog chain and partially additional thoughts after both.)

(Big thanks to: Tsuwmya, Tired-and-unslimed, Archivalofsins and Clownsalot for contributing to the original chain and making this thing much bigger than it would of been otherwise)

(Also big thanks to: Roseofcards90, 1moremilgramenjoyer, Tsuwmya, Tokyogruel and milgram-side-blog for reading this!)

When talking about heroism and the ideas associated with them, it's easy to focus on the altruistic and selfless aspects of it. The ideal of a brave hero selflessly protecting the innocent is an appealing one.

And there's nothing Inherently wrong with wanting to help people! It's good to help people instead of giving up on them. However, being a hero is an ideal, one that no one could live up to without destroying themselves in the process. And the ideal of heroism practiced by the characters in Milgram isn't fully altruistic.

When you are defining your entire sense of self through heroism, you are incentivized to find (or Create) people who are Weaker than you to Validate that sense of self. It's self-serving in a way, this isn't coming from a genuine want to help but a want to feel in power.

Let's consider Yuno's reaction to her voting in T2.

(Yuno T2 VD)

Yuno: Ah, yes yes. Well, this is going to be purely—purely—personal opinion but…I find those kinds of assumptions preachy and unpleasant! They’re worthless! Arbitrarily deciding that I’m pitiable. Arbitrarily making up a backstory for me. Creating a personally idealized version of me. Creating an acceptable version of me. They really exist, you know, those kinds of people. And in particular, those kinds of people…won’t do anything for me.

When you pity someone you implicitly assume they are weaker than You, and are unable to help themselves in any meaningful way. Not only that but Yuno is upset at the creation of a version of her that is "idealized." A version of her that is the easiest to sympathize and pity.

It's dehumanizing in a way. Yuno is being projected onto like an Object, instead of being treated as a person. Her agency is being removed for the sake of an easier narrative. Something more convenient to the people around her.

This is an idea Yuno is intimately familiar with, as she's been repeatedly selling different versions of herself to different people. She gives a version of herself those people Want from her. Yuno dislikes being pitied and infantilized like this. She chose to do this, whether if it was a bad decision or not is Different from if Yuno has agency. Which she does.

Milgram's saviors tend to fall into this trap. They don't believe the person on the other side has any agency, they don't trust in that person's ability to interact with the world, and they don't trust in that person's judgement. There is a Fundamental Lack of Respect here for the person being saved.

Which leads us to Shidou Kirasaki.

A Cozy Coffin

I have a lot of strong feelings about Shidou. There's a lot about him that remains mysterious and a lot of him I simply do not trust. However something I am sure about is Shidou's lack of care for the people he tries to save and his Unwillingness to change in the face of that.

Shidou Kirasaki's care is self-serving, it reflects in his medical career and it reflects in how he treats the people around him. He even says it himself, he's selfish.

(Aesculapius)

Shidou: Es-kun. I’ve killed a lot of people. Like I previously told you in the interrogation, I’ve killed for selfish reasons as well. So…

And while Shidou is admittedly unreliable as he Wants to be voted unforgiven. T2 Shidou wants to stay innocent, because he's important, more important than anyone else.

That’s right, there’s justice that needs saving See, indispensable, I’m indispensable

Shidou believes in his own importance, he believes he contributes something useful to the prison.

T1Q1: Why did you choose your current workplace? Because I thought it'd let me contribute to society.

And while he Is a doctor and Is Important, he tends to dismiss people who he thinks are weaker than him or who contribute Less in his eyes.

If it’s not needed, I’m not interested

“Throw down”, someone’s value Cannot be the same as another “Throw down” should choose between superiority or inferiority

There are people who are Inferior and people who are Superior, and he has the ability to choose who is who. But when people who are Inferior do contribute something to him in some way, he diminishes and erases their agency they have because he believes himself to Know Better.

20/06/13

Shidou: I…… I just don’t understand. If everything about MILGRAM is true…… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad…… Amane: ……*sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san. I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself? ……please give me back my test. It seems you don’t have the concentration levels required to be my teacher. I’m going to get Kotoko-san to teach me instead. Shidou: Amane…… I don’t think that’s true. However smart you may be…… you’re still just a child.

While we know for a fact that Amane's actions were influenced by her familial situation, that isn't what Amane is criticizing here. What she Is criticizing is what we did to Yuno in T1. He invented an idealized backstory for Amane without knowing Anything about her except that she's in Milgram with everyone else. And while that is a concern, the choices she made were her Own, independent of whether or not she had a tragic backstory.

But Shidou doesn't Acknowledge that, because acknowledging that there is a level of agency in her actions would complicate the narrative. It be much easier for him to help if it wasn't complicated.

Shidou was a father. He's projecting onto Amane here, and also does the same to Es. He misses his children, but he doesn't treat Amane and Es in a respectful manner. Something that damages his relationship with the both of them.

(Molech)

Shidou: I don’t know what circumstances you face while guarding this prison nor the reason as to why you’re doing it, but I’m sure that it must take a toll on you emotionally as well. So, please do your best. [pats head] Es: [is shook] I see. Oh, I see now. So, that’s how it is. So, that’s how it’s gonna be. [deep breaths] Shidou: Hm? Es? Es: Don’t you dare… pat my head like that! [kicks] Shidou: [grunts] Please hold on for a second.

Shidou knows Es very little, he's intruding on their personal space here all because their a child that he pities. He's projecting his parental feelings onto them when they Clearly don't want it because he gets something out of it.

However that isn't all, Shidou Kirasaki is a man trapped in the past, unable to move on in any way. He's trapped in this eternal cycle of grief and regret.

He's constantly searching for a past he can't return to, a future that will remain static and unchangeable.

T1Q16: What is the definition of happiness? A: To be promised an unchanging tomorrow.

You might wonder how this relates to Saviors and for that I need to talk about:

The Girl Prince

It's hard not to talk about saviors in Milgram without mentioning Kotoko. Her story centers around the concept of heroism and what that really means and involves.

Her story covers a lot of what we discussed with Shidou. Kotoko believes herself to be more powerful than the people she considers weaklings, someone who knows better than them and can make the "right" decisions.

Kotoko: From the beginning I’ve never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless Weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!

Kotoko also puts a lot of importance on power and usefulness. As seen above with "useless weaklings," and she also especially values physical power. How else are you supposed to protect people after all?

T1Q4: When did you start learning martial arts? A: In elementary school, perhaps. Without enough power, you can't enforce justice and do the right thing, can you?

Kotoko believes in a worldview with a hierarchical power structure, there are people who are Strong Useful People who protect the Weaker Useless People. Which reflects back into the ableism she exhibits with both Haruka and Mikoto.

Kotoko Birthday (12/15/2023)

Kotoko: Fufufu, fufufufufu. You’re thinking some outrageous things. To be frank, it’s abnormal.

Kotoko Birthday (12/15/2022)

Kotoko: Hm. The border between the two is getting a lot vaguer. Your entire existence is a crime. And I will see you’re punished for it.

While this attitude towards disability and mental disorders and illnesses come from how she views the world around her using the lens of strength and power. But that isn't the only thing.

Kotoko isn't as revolutionary as she portrays herself to be. While she believes that the world Needs to change, she still believes in the structures and hierarchies of it. Notably when she interacts with Es she doesn't criticize Milgram's practices, but instead joins up with them and uses Violent Force to keep people in line.

(I would mention something from her T2 VD here if it wasn't spoilers but there's a scene there that I find interesting, again I won't mention it but I do have it in my mind.)

Kotoko is someone who wants to put the Good People in charge and keep the Bad People away. She wants to anoint a "chosen hero," someone who's "good" in her eyes, someone who she can trust and believe in fully to make the "right" decisions. It's a worldview In Favor of keeping things the same, it's just that someone else should be running it.

Kotoko's worldview is notably immature, it's black and white and lacks a lot of nuance. But she's unwilling to change.

Once again, it's Easier to be a savior if the world is simple. There's no nasty complication getting in the way of the fantasy of being a hero. If you keep the world stuck in a static position then it's easier for it to aid in the Fantasy of being a savior.

And again, this behavior doesn't stem from a genuine want to help people, but a need to validate one's own identity, and to feel like they have power over something.

(Task)

Kotoko: Yes. I hate evil. Hurting innocent people with violence, taking away from others, killing people… I hate all this evil behaviour! The law being unable to judge some sins, there's too many of these cases in this world. Having clearly bullied and torturing the weak, but exploiting loopholes in laws, there's so many sinners who still live in such a carefree manner! Even though I want to change this world, I alone only have this much power.

It's important that things don't change, if they do then you'd have to acknowledge that the world is more complicated than they Want it to be. It's important that you will Always be the hero and that there are Always going to people who need saving.

Or, on the flipside, no matter what you do. You will stay the pitied and loved victim forever.

Good Boy Girl

Haruka Sakurai is a character who is Undeniably trapped in the past.

If with one click, and I can reset everything

He wants to become a good boy again, he wants to be given the same attention he was given in the past, and he projects his mother onto Es and Later Muu.

He's idealized the past so much that he's become submerged in it.

However while Haruka Wants to stay the victim, he wants to stay powerless and pitiful, he really isn't. A tension that often gets played with within his trial. Haruka is able to harm people and threatens Es in Trial 2. First with the idea that he can kill them and then with his life to Guilt Es into forgiving Muu.

I will keep on killing to be a good boy

Haruka Sakurai isn't Weak, but wants to be so he can be loved and adored by the people around him. Because if he isn't perceived as a threat but as someone that can be projected onto without any worry, then he could be loved.

I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling

However, we do actually have an example of a character who Is Weak, and who is pitied and loved because of that. Who uses her failures and faults to gain power only for it to stumble out of her grasp time and time again because of it.

Muu Kusunoki Fails. A lot. I see a common interpretation of her after It's Not My Fault is Muu as the master manipulator, but if she was she wouldn't be here. She would still be the queen, eating honey like nothing was wrong.

But she isn't anymore, she fell from grace even before she attacked Rei.

Muu isn't Special, she isn't Powerful. But she is Pitiful, and she uses that pity to gain sympathy and affection from others. Muu Needs to stay the Victim if she wants to be cared for, so she always tries to position herself even when she hurts people.

(Crying B)

Muu: Hey… Prison guard, when you say “I”… Who are you talking about? Es: [breaking down]  Muu: Prison guard? Es: [stumbles]  Muu: Prison guard. What’s wrong? Prison guard! [shakes Es] Hey! Prison guard! Es: Shut up! Don’t touch me! Muu: [cries] You’re so cruel… I… Even though I was just worried about you… [cries again] I can’t take it anymore. I hate you, prison guard! 

If she stays the victim and keeps people's sympathy on her, then she doesn't have to worry at all about people turning on her or hurting her. It's a Service, she acts pitiful, and the people who help her can feel good about doing a Good Thing.

Even if they do eventually turn on her, she can just play victim and hope they stop. Maybe attack their self-esteem as well to really make sure they don't think harder about it.

(Queen B)

M: But if you were like, “I won’t forgive you, Muu! Revenge is bad!,” then wouldn’t that imply that it’s also bad for me to bully someone back after they bullied me? Since we’ve all done something bad anyway, doesn’t that mean that I’ve not done anything wrong in the end? E: …I think I’m kinda… starting to get your point… maybe… M: … Warden-san, are you maybe not that intelligent, after all…?

She's using Es' feelings of uncertainty and lack of knowledge to manipulate them into doing what she wants, but she isn't that Good at it. Muu could keep more ground if she continued to play more passive and timid. But instead she acts more aggressive and carefree.

The thing about Muu's strategy is that if She Stops Being Pitiful, it Stops Working. Muu can't let herself be Happy or Confident or otherwise because then she won't be pitiful enough to people. If she does, she gets knocked off her throne and sent back to square one.

Muu is a deeply cyclical character. She cycles from pitiful to queenly and back over and over again. Not only that but when everything is structured through the lens of who's stronger and who's weaker, then you are encouraged to push other people down for your own gain.

Her environment exists as a place where healthy relationships are Discouraged. Because if a relationship doesn't give you anything then you have no use for it.

Muu: Isn’t it exactly because he’s my friend? Isn’t friendship about letting your friends do the things they want? … Are you about to tell me “that’s not what friendship is”? Then what is friendship? You’re together because it’s beneficial for everyone involved, aren’t you?

Conclusion

There's a lot of ways to read these dynamics I think. Tsumi brings up the Karpman's Triangle over here and archivalofsins is working on a post based around TIV. And I can't really put every single facet of a character into this dynamic neatly.

But that's also kinda the point. As stated above, the lack of change and simplicity is important to this dynamic. Its resistant to change and resistant to growth. And any sort of attempt to function outside of it is a threat to it. These mindsets and hierarchies are dangerous because there strict and unchanging, and the deeper your in, the harder it is to get out.

The roles being played here turn people into one dimensional archetypes rather than People. Their motivations, circumstances and personality disappear to fit a convenient narrative of saviors and victims. 

It's also much easier to become powerless than to gain power. Muu tried and failed to gain power, while Fuuta was punished and left powerless. It's not a balanced dynamic at all, it lifts up a few people and leaves the rest to rot. But the people who are “stronger” now have to somehow fulfill a role with standards too high to reach. No one wins here, because it's so highly destructive and damaging, and I find the way Milgram interrogates it to be really intriguing.

[springbeemaya]

Part of why Willow (2022) is so enjoyable to watch is how it sets up a lot of stuff and then pays it off without bringing much attention to it. It lets the viewer (me) spot it themselves, and be all excited about it. Here are some of my favorites (MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD):

The golden door. First seen by Thraxus in episode 4 in Nockmaar, it shows up again in episode 6 in the vault holding the Kymerian Cuirass. This is the door supposedly Madmartigan went through to fight the Wyrm, an act Thraxus was unable to follow. His nightmare in Nockmaar is seeing this door and wanting to hopelessly open it. Even if he was not aware of it at the moment, his nightmare is trying and failing to fix the biggest mistake of his life.

The Crone being a Cashmere princess. In episode 7 Crone appears to Airk as a young princess from Cashmere but it is unclear if any of that persona is actually true. In the same episode we meet an old man who once was a Cashmere paladin on a quest to rescue a kidnapped princess. This shows that the Crone was actually telling the truth, going back to her pre Crone look. It also shows that the Wyrm already tried this plan once and succeeded. It is a very quick set up and payoff but what’s fun about it is that the viewer gets the whole story from two different povs.

Airk actually knowing the name Brunhilde. In episode 1 we get a typical scene where Airk, established as a womanizer, is asked if he knows Dove’s actual name. He replies that sure, but the viewer expects he’s lying. A whopping six episodes later he almost offhandedly says the name Brunhilde to the Crone, showing that he is more genuine then a type of character he was set up as. And I'm sorry Airk I was trying so hard to give you more glamorous screenshots.

Elora’s process of learning magic. In episode 2 Willow says Elora has to first master four pillars of sorcery - charms, potions, concentration, and divination, before even trying battle magic. The charms and potions are a major focus of the following episodes, but the other two are more subtle. Concentration, manipulating the matter and forces around you, gets resolved quickly when she turns an okay soup into a good soup in episode 5. Also when she blows up the cage, but I think soup is more fun. Divination happens when over the course of episode 6 Elora can hear an echo of a sentence, and at the end of the episode this exact sentence is spoken by Kit. And after all that, Elora is ready for battle magic montage in episode 7.

I just think it’s neat! And makes it a really good show for rewatching.

[elvensorceress]

So there is a "leaked" script that claims Eddie asked Marisol to move in, and is it just me, or is that completely out of character for Eddie? He dated Ana for longer, and they weren't living together. we are really supposed to believe that he would ask Marisol to move in after a few months of dating? Unless Eddie is unable to process anything after learning his Buck. Is dating a man that is not him, and instead of breaking up with her like he planned, he pulls a Buck and asks her to move in with him.

Eddie does not deserve to be stuck with someone like Marisol.

According to 7x04, he apparently needs a live-in babysitter so he can go out with his shiny new boyfriend. So… 🤣  And it took a whole relationship and a blackout before Ana was his babysitter! Just from that much I’m still going, yikes. Like, girl, do you not have friends? Do you not have someone who will tell you this relationship is red flags all over the place? Can we not call up your Folger brother and have him talk some sense into you? 

You’re very right though. Eddie deserves so much better. 

I have heard about the supposed leaked scripts and I’ll talk some about that under a cut below in case anyone wants to read my thoughts on it. 

But what I’ll say in general is that in some of the interviews we’ve been seeing recently especially with canon bi!Buck, Mr. Showrunner had scathing things to say about love interests who are just there to be love interests. He didn’t like that they couldn’t interact with any of the other characters and that they weren’t part of the overall story. 

Given we’ve had what, two? offhand comments and maybe five whole seconds of screen time this season with her, if they wanted to actually develop that relationship for the audience, they could have done that. And should have done that a long, long time ago. (For example, see Eddie and Tommy’s relationship. In one whole episode they did more to build that up than they have done for Eddie/allegedgirlfriendconfirmedterf in all of season 6 or 7.)

Instead, they showcased the bond between Buck and the Diazes and the trauma that Eddie and Chris still have over Shannon leaving and them losing her. And also Eddie’s new friendship with Tommy that sounded like they were both spending every day, every moment together. 

So far for Miss Homophobe, we have—

hey mari it me eddie from the hardware store

the phone call where they set up a date

it's not MY date it's CHRIS' date (r u sure, dude? why is she there then 🤣)

her chaperoning Chris’ date with Eddie

her babysitting twice off screen

Obviously, she’s in the next episode and they have a pizza date while Eddie has to stare at his bestest friends while they’re on a date. But at this point, if you want the audience to root for the relationship or enjoy it at the very least, it’s a little late in the game for that? We have nothing to go on and it doesn’t make sense if we’re taking it at face value. 

All this to say, if he does ask her to move in with him, there is no way for the audience to buy that it’s genuine, reasonable, or a smart move. It reads like Buck asking Taylor to move in with him because he cheated and he’s desperate and clinging. Even if Eddie and the terf show up and are all happy and handsy and lovey, it’s not convincing. There’s been no development. It would come across like Buck and Ali apartment hunting and being touchy and giggly, and then her dumping him at the end of the episode. It sets up a contrast between what we think is happening and what is really happening. Perceived happiness vs the reality of not knowing each other and their relationship crumbling.

I don’t remember who said it or when it was said, maybe it was Kristen? But I know someone talked about how Eddie rushed things with Ana and they were wanting to do the opposite when continuing his story. Dating someone for (how long has it even been? 2-3 months? Idek? Does Eddie even know?) Mere months and asking them to move in reeks of, “something is going wrong and I have to fix it by doing something rash and ill-advised to keep us together.” 

Remind me to do a post about Eddie also being someone who clings and stays because it’s convenient and he doesn’t want to be alone. 

It would be completely out of character if it is a sincere, legit thing. However, as a panic response? I buy it. But that also doesn’t bode well for their future. Darn. Hold on, I’ll get the champagne. That relationship is just waiting to be bones. And in an episode called, “You Don’t Know Me,” is where they’re putting their relationship under a microscope? Hildy, cue up the ominous music. 

I doubt the glorious day we are free of her will be this week. I think they are just starting whatever they have planned. Unfortunately. I would hope they kept her around and brought her back for a reason like what they did with Eddie/Ana. I want there to be something satisfying about the end and the fact that we have to suffer through this. It just needs to happen quickly because I am so over homophobic terfs who know what fucking show they’re on and what the story is and still persist in their assholish bigotry.  

Now? My thoughts on the leaks?

IF we are to believe they are legit, and who knows if they are. But if we are saying they are legit, then Buck comes out to Eddie at the very end and Eddie is surprised. So, Eddie likely wouldn’t be jealous or weird about Buck and Tommy dating if he didn’t even know they are dating. Plus, they just had a whole episode dedicated to jealous!Buck and it would be redundant to immediately take that into, now EDDIE is the JEALOUS ONE. I think they’d have to take the story further for Eddie to really consider how he feels about Buck and Tommy dating. 

Maybe it will come down to him being displeased by it (for some unknown reason he just can't put his finger on) and grappling with how he genuinely likes Tommy a lot and that’s a new thing for him and one of Buck’s love interests? But it wouldn’t happen this week. In theory, this week is about Buck feeling like he’s hiding because he just realized he’s bi and hasn’t told anyone yet. Hence, more of the “you don’t know me.” 

Obviously, I am rooting for Buddie. All the way. All the time. I like Buck/Tommy just fine but they’re not BuckandEddie. But I think it will take a while before we see anything that might really develop the Buck & Eddie storyline. They’re working on Buck’s bisexual awakening and his first time dating a man. WHERE OH WHERE ARE MY EDDIE STORYLINES.  I just want them to do some justice for my boy. Give him something interesting! And for the terf to gtf away from him. :D

And apologies, I rambled a lot at you. Love and hugs!