#and even more heart breaking to think she probably thought we abandoned her for those few weeks

[siminiecricketart]

So there is a possibility that my dog is being put down tomorrow and I’m struggling to process it so much.

[zegrasdrysdale]

[ 5 more minutes ] l. hughes

paring : Luke Hughes x fem!reader

summary : Luke’s girlfriend surprises him in Newark after his last college hockey game

warning(s) : none really. just very fluffy and emotional. also very short bc it was 1 am when i came up w this idea

author’s note : in honor of today being my last day as an ncaa student athlete, i quickly wrote this up. i was feeling very emotional and i needed a way to express how i felt. hence why we now have a very fluffy / emotional fic. some of the comments luke makes are some of my thoughts about how my own season ended yesterday. it’s kinda sad but it had to be done. you’re welcome (i think ?)

༺═──────────────═༻

Jack texts her when he has picked up his younger brother from the airport. She begins to pace around the living room of Jack’s apartment that he’s now going to be sharing with Luke.

She has no clue what state Luke is going to be in when he walks through the door. He’s probably going to be so pissed that he spent the last two minutes or so of his college career in the penalty box instead of on the ice or on the bench with his teammates. He’s been so busy traveling that he hasn’t had time to sit and reflect on the season.

That’s the reason that she hopped on a flight to Newark as soon as the clock hit zero against Quinnipac. She just wanted to make sure that he’s okay before he goes and signs his NHL contract in two days and joins Jack on the Devils.

Either he’s going to be really upset and pissed or he’s going to be excited to start the next chapter in his career. She has no idea which version of Luke she’s going to get.

Keys jingle in the door about a half hour after Jack texts her to let her know he has Luke. She stops pacing and stands in the middle of the living room. Her eyes are on the door as Jack pushes it open.

“… not really in the mood for any surprises,” Luke says as he walks through the door. “I’m so tired.”

“I think you’ll like this one,” Jack tells his brother as he shuts the door behind them. Luke drops the big duffel bag that contains his hockey gear on the floor by the door in the foyer area. Then he finally makes his way to the living room with his suitcase.

He freezes mid-step when he sees his girlfriend.

With a small wave and a smile, she says, “Hi, Lukey.”

Luke crosses the room in five strides because of his stupidly long legs. He envelops her in a hug and buries his face in her neck. She wraps her arms around his torso and they stand like that for what feels like an eternity.

She doesn’t mind. If it means that Luke’s okay then she’ll stand like this forever.

She presses soft kisses into his shoulder and whispers to him, “I’m so proud of you, Luke. So incredibly proud of you. I know that’s not how you wanted the season to end but you did everything you could, and for that I am so, so proud of you.”

A quiet sob wracks Luke’s body as he pulls back from the hug. She sees tears in his eyes and frowns. A couple roll down his cheek and she reaches up to wipe them away. Jack silently sneaks out of the apartment. He thinks he’s slick but she saw him leave behind Luke.

“I hated that I wasnt out there those last two minutes,” he tells her, voice shaky. “Maybe I could’ve done something that pushed the game into overtime or won it for us. Instead I was in the penalty box while my team had to fight even harder to get goals because they were down a man.”

“I know, baby,” she softly replies. “I wish I could’ve given you guys five more minutes. You all fought so hard. So fucking hard. I’m so sorry that’s how your season ended.”

More tears roll down Luke’s cheeks and she continues to wipe them away.

“I feel like I let them down,” he whispers. “I could’ve fought harder for them. For this season. I let them down when they needed me most and now I’m abandoning them.” His words break her heart.

She shakes her head and cups his jaw. “You didn’t let anyone down,” she tells him. “You did what you could in the sixty minutes you had. They know that and they will always remember how hard you fought for them. You’re so important to everyone on that team and you played such an important role in getting as far as you did as a team. They’re just as proud of you as I am because you are about to start an amazing new chapter in your hockey career. You aren’t abandoning them, Luke. They want you to move forward in your career. They understand that you’re ready and that this is what you want.”

Luke nods and wraps his hands around her wrists. She continues to look up at her boyfriend.

She’ll never understand how he feels because she isn’t an athlete. All she can do now is try to help him realize that he isn’t the worst teammate that he thinks he is at the moment. She doesn’t want him to have that mindset as he transitions from college to the NHL.

Losing is tough in any sport. She knows that much and she is going to make sure that Luke understands that it is okay to feel this way but that he also has to get ready to move forward.

“Thank you for being here,” he says after a moment of comfortable silence. “Sorry I’m such a mess. I didn’t think it would affect me this much.”

“It just shows how much you love every team that you’re on,” she replies. “You dedicate so much time to hockey because you love it. You’re allowed to feel this way and feel it for a little bit. You do have a contract to sign in a few days so I’m giving you tonight to get out everything you feel about the Michigan season ended. Tomorrow, it’s time to get excited. I’m here to help you get excited.”

A smile finally cracks through the frown that’s been plastered on Luke’s face since he saw her. She dries his cheeks one more time before she pulls him back into a hug.

Luke presses a soft kiss to the top of her head. “I love you,” he says into her hair. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Shut up. Yes you do,” she retorts. “I love you too. Let’s go get you unpacked then we can take a nap because I heard you tell Jack how tired you are.”

When she pulls away from the hug and starts to walk to his suitcase, Luke grabs her hand and pulls her back to him. She looks up at him for a quick second before his lips are on hers. The kiss surprises her because of how emotional he is, but sometimes a kiss is all it takes to feel better.

She happily smiles into the kiss and runs her fingers through his curls as she returns it. It’s one of his favorite things she does so many he’ll start to feel better a little faster. Luke loves feelings her fingers in his curls. It’s the reason he doesn’t try to tame them.

The front door opens again and a voice says, “Okay, we are establishing some rules. Rule one, the door stays open three inches when your girlfriend is over. I don’t need any babies crying in my apartment at three in the morning right now.”

They both pull back and she looks behind Luke at Jack, who has a disgusted look on his face. She smiles but Luke’s cheeks turn a tomato red. She laughs and shakes her head.

“Rule two,” Jack continues. “No making out anywhere I can see you. That means the-”

“Jack!” Luke snaps. “I get it. We get it. Also, I’m not going to be leaving my door open three inches. If I want to have sex with my girlfriend then I’m going to. It’s my room and we split the rent now so I’ll do what I want.”

“None of that premarital kissing stuff where I can see or hear it,” Jack tells his brother. “I don’t need that in my life.”

She laughs and takes the opportunity to grab Luke’s bag and suitcase. “Don’t worry,” she says. “We won’t traumatize you. Again.”

Both Luke and his girlfriend laugh as they make their way to Luke’s new room, leaving a disgusted and definitely traumatized Jack Hughes in the living room.

༺═──────────────═༻

MASTERLIST

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[periwinkla]

I think what I love the most about AA is that characters have a duality to them that I don't see often in media. They have actual flaws and do actual bad things, and it's not glossed over. Phoenix is a fundamentally good person, he helps people at the drop of a hat, risks his life for them. Has a penchant for taking strays under his wing. He believes in people... but also not really. He carries a literal lie detector with him at all times, and only employs people who can also peer into other people's hearts. So is he really that trusting? Sure he trusts his clients are innocent, but he doesn't trust they will tell him the truth at all (there's always something to lie about). He believes himself naive, and that's why he works extra hard not to be. Some people think he changed with his disbarment but I feel like when he actually changed was after Dahlia. He became less and less trusting as time went on. And Phoenix actually does forge evidence and risks his subordinate's career, and he says pretty nasty things sometimes (that one time to Edgeworth had got to hurt, badly, especially if you consider that the note could have been genuine at first, which we don't know for sure), has a pretty tactless and somewhat hurtful sense of humor, brings his daughter to cheat at poker, and doesn't tell said daughter she actually has some family left alive. He's secretive, elusive and cryptic, and masks it under a false pretence of goofiness. Miles is, by contrast, very easy to read. He may appear emotionally stunted but is one of the more emphathetic characters. He realizes when he's wrong and immediately needs to correct those wrongs. He grows uneasy and uncertain and eventually recognizes when he's mistaken. By the end of it he begins to help people naturally, without even thinking about it as much as he would have in the past. He helps so many people, he has basically got Phoenix's savior complex 2.0 but the healthy kind where he doesn't jump off a bridge. But... he was also actually cruel, and did send innocent people to their graves (was he really so naive to believe whichever defendant came his way was guilty?). He feigned his death disregarding other people's feelings, and while you could say he had no obligation towards Phoenix (apart from basic decency and respect towards someone who had turned his life around to save him), he still abandoned Franziska, who was still just a kid and had just discovered her father was a psychopath. She probably thought, at some point, that the apple didn't fall that far from the tree. That's it's somehow her fault as well. He may be rude and antagonistic, frank to a fault. Isn't afraid of telling stuff to your face. But he also cares about the people he loves so much, to the point he doesn't hesitate to risk his career and break the law multiple times. He may appear a pessimist but he's pretty idealistic at heart, it's quite funny that his favourite show is about an hero of justice, isn't it? Godot is... well, we don't know much about it from before his coma, but he definitely shared Mia's sentiments for helping people in their hour of need. But when he wakes from a 6-year coma he's so broken that he just pins the blame on the most absurd person to blame it on, settles on a complicated plan, and also prosecutes on that particular murder he should just confess upon. Iris was sweet, innocent, self-sacrificing. She knew absolutely nothing about the world apart from what Bikini or her sister told her. She was naive and falsely thought she could fix everything, that her sister was salvageable, that she could save Phoenix. But she still ended up lying to the person she loved and abetting a murder. That's why I love these characters so much. They're interesting and their stories make sense. People don't remain unchanged from what happens to them. People are multi-faceted and complex. You can't sum them up in a bunch of characteristics and aspect them to act on every single one of them, always, consistently. Sometimes people break. They make mistakes they regret, ...and some they don't.

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 12, Unlucky - Pt. 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of violence.

Word Count: 1.2k

Previously On...: You learned the extend of Rhodey's condition and, based on Sam's testimony, Carthage is to be held responsible. When Tony ripped into her, Bucky came to her rescue. Much to your embarrassment, Tony called out his penchant for being there for Carthage over you in front of the entire team. Sam overhears how you want Carthage gone; he suggests you, he, and Natasha talk.

A/N: Some interesting information is revealed. Interesting information indeed. This is a scheduled post, so I hope I'm having a good time in NoLa right now! lol

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @jupiter-107 @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @sashaisready @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @doublejeon @pattiemac1

Moments later, the three of you were holed up in your room, as it was on the floor closest to the med bay. You and Nat sat on the couch while Sam, who had quickly rinsed himself of Rhodey’s blood in your shower, and was now wearing your terrycloth robe, sat in one of your armchairs. While passing Jade’s room, you’d put an ear to her door and heard her still crying, the low thrum of Bucky’s voice as he tried to reassure her.

“Spill,” said Nat eagerly. “Who knows how much time we have before Barnes gets back.”

“Yeah, on second thought, this might not have been the best place for a clandestine meeting,” Sam said.

“Just talk!” you urged him.

“Okay, okay!” he began. “So, I think we were set up.”

You and Nat both gasped simultaneously. “You’re not suggesting–” you said, just as Nat said:

“You think Carthage faked the intel?”

Sam shrugged. “I can’t prove it, but none of it adds up,” he said. “To be honest, she was pretty useless on the entire mission. Didn’t come up with a single piece of intel until that final night, and it just so happened to point to an abandoned Hydra base? Come on, man, what are the odds of that?” Sam scoffed. 

“We told her protocol dictated we report it back to command, then wait for back up if the intel was deemed worthy of investigating. She got real insistent we check it ourselves, told us it was probably nothing, but even if it was something, it’d just be an abandoned spot. Said her source told her it had a motherlode of dirt on Hydra operatives in positions in international governments. If we could bring it home, we’d be single handedly exposing the very inner workings of Hydra, and how could we not do that? Rhodey wanted to go interrogate her ��source’ himself, but Jade wouldn’t give it up; said he just had to trust her.” Sam snorted. “Girl, please. You’re a fucking snake.” You couldn’t help but giggle at that; you’d had essentially the same thought, once upon a time.

“Everything we do to try to convince her to hold off, she fights us on. There was nothing we could say to get her to let go of the idea. But we’re thinking Probie just wants to prove herself in the field, right? We’ve all been there. When she took off, we followed her. Figured we’d at least have her six if something went screwy, and we weren’t going to get reamed out by Cap and Stark if something happened to her out there. But here’s the thing:” Sam scootched forward until he was sitting at the very edge of his seat. “She went in there well before us. By at least three, maybe five minutes, okay?” You and Nat both nodded. “So, my question then becomes, ‘how come the shooting don’t start until after me and Rhodey go in?’ ‘s almost like she went in first and gave them the signal to start firing.” You and Nat stared at each other, wide-eyed. It was speculative, true, but…

“And she don’t come out with a scratch, or a drop of blood on her.” Sam continued. “Plus, I checked her clips when she was sleeping on the flight home. Girl didn’t fire a single shot. Me and Rhodey are in a shootout for our lives, and she doesn’t fire one bullet? Almost like she knew she didn’t need to defend herself.”

“Or you,” Nat added thoughtfully.

“Sam,” you began slowly, “I hate her more than everyone else in this building, but you’re making a really heavy accusation. We would need real, hard evidence in order to do anything about it. She could just really be that incompetent.”

“That’s why I’m comin’ to the two of you,” he grinned. “Computer genius and a super spy. Shouldn’t be hard for the two of you to help Ole Sammy out.”

“Ugh, I hate it when you refer to yourself as ‘Ole Sammy,’” Nat bemoaned. “But I’ll reach out to some of my old KGB contacts. See what they drum up. Pocket, can you go through the Tower’s systems, see if she’s tried to access anything she shouldn’t have? Anything that sets off alarm bells?”

You nodded. “Yeah, that’ll be easy enough.”

“Good,” said Sam, standing up. “In the meantime, this stays between the three of us. Pocket, you gonna be able to keep this from Tin Man? He’s a little too cozy with her for my taste.”

You snorted at that. “Yeah, mine, too. Don’t worry, I won’t say a word.”

“Neither will I,” Nat promised.

“Alright then, ladies, meeting adjourned.” Sam said as he walked to the door. You followed him, wanting to see him out. As you opened the door for him, you met Bucky in the hallway, leaving Jade’s room. 

“Hey there, Buck,” Sam smiled cheerfully before giving you a peck on the head. “Thanks for the chat, Baby Girl. I’ll see you later.”

You and Bucky watched him walk down the hall before he turned to you, eyes narrowed. “Care to tell me why Big Bird is coming out of our room wearing nothing but your robe?” he asked carefully.

“We’re obviously having an affair,” you said dryly, walking back into your room, him right at your heels.

“Well, if it walks like a duck,” Bucky’s voice was angry as he entered your room.

“Are you serious with that right now?” you asked.

“In that case, you’ve been quacking like a duck for a long time now, Barnes,” Nat said from her spot on the couch.

“Oh, hey Nat,” Bucky said, relief washing over his features at knowing you and Sam hadn’t been alone.

Nat stood up and made her way to the door. “I’m gonna head out, let you two work through your ducking issues. See you later, Pocket. Barnes; nice projection work just now.” With a nod, she was gone.

“Listen, Pocket,” Bucky, blatantly ignoring Nat's jab, began, “about earlier…”

“I get it, Buck,” you said, sighing. “You were just trying to protect your friend. I’ll be honest and tell you that I didn’t love the way it looked, and it was embarrassing. But I’m not holding it against you. How can I when you wherefor looking out for someone you care about, even though I really wish you would care about literally anyone else but her? Sorry– that was petty.” You sighed. “Tony made it worse. He’s the one I’m furious with, not you.”

“Thank you for understanding, doll.” He kissed your forehead. “Stark had no right to yell at her like that. He was way outta line.”

“Oh, I’m completely on Tony’s side about that,” you said, holding up a hand when he began to argue with you. “But you and I are going to have to agree to disagree there.”

The corner of his mouth turned up in a cute half-grin. “Alright, sweetheart.” He pulled you to him. “I’m just sorry your special day got overshadowed by all this other shit. I know!” He looked down on you, grinning. “Why don’t you pack a bag and first thing tomorrow, you and I’ll drive Upstate, find ourselves a nice little BnB, and spend the rest of the weekend celebratin’, just the two of us? Maybe we can drive out to the Catskills, find a nice spot to look at the stars. You always complain how you can never see them in the city.”

“Yeah, Buck,” you said, snuggling close to him. “‘S long as we know Rhodey’s gonna be alright, I would love to do that with you.”

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[dsireland86]

Take Me First PT. 2 (Never Know)

"Lying Is Hard But The Truth Comes Out Anyway" The Grey

A regretful mistake, a car accident, and a baby. God didn't listen to Noah when he begged him to take him first the night of the accident. God had other plans it seemed; plans that brought Noah down to his knees cursing, crying, and praying. In time he began to believe he was nothing but a lost soul trying to find his happiness in the ugly world he lived in, until... she found him and began to return the lost parts of him, piece by piece, he'd thought he'd lost forever.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the long awaited 2nd part to a story that was never meant to have a second part. But I'm very thankful to friends who encouraged me and highly suggested that I write one. I love how I came to tie this cherished story that began with three words from a song into my main two stories. It took some brainstorming, but in the end I don't think it will disappoint. To the ones I've tagged and were expecting the second part, I hope it's what you hoped it would me. Let me know!

TAGS: @lma1986, @myownthoughts12, @xslavicprincess, @foliosgirl, @glitterydeputyshepherdwagon, @jilliemiw86, @sthnog, @lookwhatitcost

Never Know

    “Show me you're better off without me/ Choking on every word you said, we'll see, we'll see / Don't breathe another word about me I'll leave and you can finally rest in peace, we'll see”

          The Letter She Never Meant To Send

Noah,

By the time you read this, I'll be gone. You have to understand that it's better for both of us this way, if I just vanish from your life and wipe your slate, your consciousness completely clean. Once you're finished with this letter I guarantee you will hate me and loath just the thought of me. My name will become a bitter poison on your tongue and the tongues of those who will no longer be my family because of their loyalty to you. You'll never want to breathe my name let alone any other words about me to anyone. I'm warning you now, Noah, what I'm about to tell you is going to ruin you. It's going to break your heart so badly you're probably going to wish you were dead. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm doing this to you, but it's the only way. You have to know the truth about what happened during those three days in Montana on that last tour we were on together; you deserve to know, because it was the moment that everything changed for us. You're better off without me and in time you'll see. In time you'll be able to rest in peace. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Noah:

“I didn't want to finish the letter. Knowing she was already gone was enough, and reading it, having it spelled out in front of me would’ve only made things worse. But I chose to finish it anyway but regretted the instant I did. I swear I could feel myself slowly slipping away as her words started to bring out the worst in her that I never knew existed."

I rested my forehead against the back of her shoulder.

“I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you were feeling. Being abandoned is hard, but the lonely place it takes you too is worse.” “You would know, wouldn't you,” I said while playing with her fingers. She leaned back against my chest while sitting between my legs. Turning her head at just the right angle she glided the tip of her nose softly along my jawline that filled with a deep yearning to be inside her again. “Not the same way you do.” I shivered when her lips left a trail of soft kisses on my skin. “Read me more, please. I want to know everything,” she urged. I sighed, and even though I really didn't want to, I knew sharing this part of my life was important for us. So, I continued.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Lying in between the memories choking me, and I don't know which way to go, but I'm okay to never know”

The night you told me the truth about cheating on me, it broke me, but not in the way you might think. I was angry, full of guilt, relief, sorrow, and regret that created a huge mess of emotions I didn’t know how to deal with. Running was my only option. I had to escape the pain of knowing how horribly I'd hurt you and you didn't even know it. Noah, you were brave enough to be honest with me about what you did. You admitted your guilt and how ashamed it made you feel. You truly believed you'd hurt me and watching the way it tore your mind and heart apart left me in agony. I wanted to tell you the truth then, but I just couldn't bring myself to, so I took the coward's way out and ran away. 

I called Jolly and cried to him. He didn't understand anything I was saying let alone an idea of what I was talking about, but he did his best to console me anyway. The guilt I felt, knowing what I’d done to his best friend just made everything numb and blur together and with the way I was driving I didn’t see the headlights of the other vehicle in my lane. Jolly was still on the phone when I screamed right as the collision happened. That was the last thing I remembered before I woke up in the hospital. So, what is the truth that was too hard for me to tell you even though I was given the chance to say many times? Noah, I hope you're sitting down, because what I'm about to say is going to be the death of whatever peace your mind had about me.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Noah:

“Noah?” Her soft voice calling to me made me lower my head and when her hand collided with my cheek, her touch brought me back to reality. The past wasn't real, but she was, and so was the feeling of her naked body against mine. Turning herself around so that her legs were on either side of me and her arms were resting on my shoulders, she leaned in and kissed me, slipping her tongue inside my mouth little by little. She was making me so hard and I knew she could feel me between her legs, pressed tightly against that sweet soft spot of hers I loved so much. I couldn’t control the constant twitching that was happening each time she purposely pushed herself into me either.

"She knew exactly what she was doing to you and that’s what hurt you the most. I'm sorry she hurt you,” her voice whispered in my ear before she took a little bit of it in her mouth. “Ughh, fuck baby,” I moaned, squeezing her hips tighter and tugging her closer to me. “That’s what happens,” she said, brushing her breast up against me, her perky nipples grazing across my skin, making it scream. “You let people in and they destroy you. But I won’t.” She sat back and looked at me, the look in her eyes nearly making me cum. She had me wound up so tight that I swallowed hard when she pushed herself into me again and her warm, shaky breath washed over my face. “You deserve so much more than you believe you do, Noah.” Slipping her hands beneath the waistband of my box-briefs, I lifted my bottom up and she slid them down my legs, tossing them aside, retaking her spot over me. “I’ll give you the world, if you want it,” she admitted, laying her mouth on mine and taking my lips to hers as if she owned them; she did. “The moon, the fucking stars. Anything you ask, it’s yours. I’m yours. You can have all of me,” she confessed through a shaky, tear filled voice.

I pulled her way to look at her and my heart felt like it had busted through my chest. She had tears streaming down her cheeks, but the prettiest smile on her lips. I sat up and kissed her tears away tasting their saltiness. “I want all of it,” I admitted, brushing some hair out of her face. “I want all of you, but not just what you let the world see. I want all the broken, busted up parts too; the parts that make you, you. I meant it when I said I would fight the battle for you. I would, I still will. If I have you, then you have all of me too.” She started to cry and I pulled her into me as she laid her head on my shoulder. I fucking loved this girl in my arms more than I ever thought possible. More than the girl in the letter, and that scared me.

After a few moments of silence had passed and I was about to continue reading, the warmth from her hand found my hard cock. Slowly she  ran her hand down my shaft, then back up, the grip she had applying the perfect pressure needed to stimulate what I was dying for on the inside. I laid my head back against the couch, zoning into nothing but the feeling of what her hand was doing. The faster she went the harder her grip became and reminded me of what being inside her felt like; heaven. I found her entrance between her wet folds and quietly slipped a finger inside her warm sex enjoying the way she melted into my touch and sucked in a quick breath, followed by a beautifully moan that filled the room. I felt her wetness coat my fingers, making me feel like I had all the power over her I wanted. The truth was though, she was the one with all the power. “I need to be inside you, now.” I ordered. She didn't hesitate to obey but instead shifted enough so that her pussy was aligned perfectly with my hard length.

“Noah, look at me,” she commanded and I listened. Her eyes were vibrant and full of something indescribable, something that I could never put into words; but I felt it and I knew she did too. “I fucking love you.” It slipped out before I could stop myself and I was scared I crossed a line. But her smile took that feeling away. It was genuine, and made me feel the exact way, if not more, I felt when I first saw her. “I love you too; all of you.” She pushed into me and took all of me into her and I watched her expression change as soon as I filled her. Her tight, wet walls closed in on my throbbing cock now buried deep inside her, searching for that special spot that was going to pull all the pretty cries and moans from her that I loved to hear. I gripped her hips, sighing once she began to move slowly, with her hands placed firmly on my chest. But I wanted more and I knew she did too. “I want you to grind on me, baby, ride me till you're satisfied. Ride me till you cum.”

That seemed to be all she needed. Soon I had her crying and moaning so loudly that she dug her nails deep into my skin, squeezed me tighter with her thighs, and let my name fall from her lips like a sacred prayer. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. She pulled my hands to her small breasts, indicating to me she wanted stimulation and I all too willing obliged her. I took each nipple between my finger and thumb, squeezing them until she cried. Once hard and perky, I dragged my tongue lazily over the soft, delicate skin, circling and lapping every part until taking it in my mouth. Her moans pulled my organism closer and I knew I wasn't going to last much longer. Luckily, I didn't have too. Her hands found the back of my head, holding me in place while she fucked me slow and gently and I got her off by sucking my favorite parts of her. “Noah, baby,” she didn't finish her sentence, but she didn't have to. I looked up, grinning at the face I saw. With eyes closed, she was in perfect ecstasy. “Are you gonna cum for me, Princess.” She didn't say anything, just moaned and nodded. “Cum for me then baby, let it go and give us both what we want.”

Her lips crashed into mine and our tongues danced as she came undone all over me and I quickly followed. It wasn't loud, it wasn't messy; it was just us, falling apart for one another together quietly. It was love making in its purest form and in that moment with her I realized the difference between straight fucking with foreplay and making love and how they were very different. We weren’t each other's first. She had a fucked up ex and I had many experiences that left me feeling used. But what she and I had just shared had so many emotions involved, ones that I didn't even know I could feel anymore. She pulled them out of me somehow and allowed me to willingly feel what I had buried away. They were tangled together, knotted and rooted in the dirt of my past. But, thanks to the beautiful human in my arms, for the first time in my life I felt the difference and wasn't afraid to feel them. She made me feel so fucking alive and I loved it. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Speaking in languages we can’t read, no need for you to spell it out for me/ Swallowed up and I’ spit you out, like a drug that just wouldn’t stay down"

Montana was beautiful, Noah, and the idea of visiting it with you was a dream come true. I'll never forget when you came home and told me that it was on the list of states the band was playing. Your excitement was contagious and the way your eyes sparkled and lit up your entire face will forever haunt me. It was one of the last times we were truly happy together. Those three days haunt me, Noah. They hold the worst, but also the best memories. So here it goes… the whole truth.

The first show day went smoothly; you remember I'm sure. We all went out and had a small celebration in that little country bar where Folio rode the mechanical bull until he bled… like seriously bled. I thought I was going to pass out seeing all the blood from his arm. The day of the second show, however, was utter chaos and hell. Everyone woke up late, the venue wasn't unlocked when we got there, and some of the equipment malfunctioned. You were miserable and because you were miserable, so was everyone else. I tried to help, but now know how worse I actually made it for you. And the moment you yelled at me in front of not just the crew but the guys too, I knew things were going to be different between us. It wasn't that you yelled at me, Noah, it was what you said that was the slap to my face. You accused me of being selfish and too self conceited to understand what you were going through, and you know what? You were right. I was, I am those things. And to prove I was, I decided to get back at you in my own way; the way I regret now more than anything. 

After storming out of the venue and turning my phone off, I found a bar away from the venue, away from every memory of you. I wanted you out of my head, but mostly out of my heart because I was hurting. So, the first guy who sat down next to me and bought me a few rounds was it. He was the one I chose to make my biggest mistake with. He took me back to his hotel room, which ironically was in the same hotel as ours, you were just one floor above me. I was too drunk to worry about anything, not even caring if the receptionist recognized me. 

Noah, I will save you the details of what I did with that man in that hotel room that night. It wasn't at all what I thought it would be, and in the end he left me hurting way more than when I started out. Not just emotionally, but physically too. Thankfully there were no marks on my body, yet, but the bruises would show the following day. I lied and said you did them to me and the look on your face was devastating. I felt like a piece of shit. Maybe I was. No, I know I was. I should burn in hell for what I did to you; what I said to you. You didn't deserve it. But the worst was yet to come when the events of the night you fucked some girl who wasn't me happened and you found out I was pregnant. Nicholas said at first you were too shocked, but when it was time for me to leave the hospital, Matt said it was all you could talk about; how you were going to be a dad and how you had so much faith that the baby would be the thing to tie us back together after your actions ruined us. It wasn't you who ruined us, Noah, it was me, but I couldn't tell you that. Not now. Not with a baby on the way. So, I kept my silence and avoided you as much as I could, using your cheating as the excuse. And I lied to you every day up until… well you know when. 

Losing the baby was never, ever the intention, that, I promise, you can believe. I never wanted any harm to come to my baby. But when I woke up last month at seventeen weeks pregnant in a pool of blood, I knew it was over. The lies could stop, the truth could come out and everything would be okay. Except it wasn't, was it? Losing the baby was too hard for you. It made you do things you regret doing and I regret watching, knowing I had the power to stop it all. I know the feeling of loss is still very raw in your heart. You're wounded and reading this letter, knowing I'm long gone, soon to be nothing but a distant memory you'd do anything to forget, is going to throw salt on that wound, but I think it's time for me to help you put your demons to rest. 

Noah, the baby…. the baby was never yours to begin with. I mean, honestly, think back to the first time we had sex after that fight. Think…. and you'll remember. If you don't let me help. You wore a condom, Noah and you filled it, but I lied to you and told you it broke because I was scared. The night I spitefully killed us in every way possible was the night I conceived another man's child. 

So, you see, none of it was your fault after all. It was mine all along. Did I feel guilt? Yes. Remorse? No. Not until now. Now that I’m walking away from you, I feel every bit of remorse possible, but it’s too late now, isn’t it. The you I knew and loved is gone and so is the girl you knew. And that’s the difference between us, Noah. You felt remorse and it made you so vulnerable. 

I hope the next girl you fall in love with is good to you. I hope she is never afraid of your darkness or the demons who dance in your eyes sometimes. I remember the time when you thought no one could ever love you if you revealed what lurks inside you. You’ve always been different, Noah, you know that and how could anyone understand that? But I hope she understands and is never afraid to follow you into your darkness so that she can learn to love the beast that’s inside. I tried to, but in the end I realized that sometimes, true love comes in the form of a loving demon, or a protective monster, or even a dark angel who sits and waits patiently for you to arrive. You are all those things Noah; and I hated you for it. I’m sorry I hated you, because now I know that you were the only one to ever, truly love me. 

                                     With All My Love, Always

                                                    Sarah

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Noah:

I woke up, flat on my back, head off the pillow, but the blanket over top of me. As my vision cleared, Sophie was nowhere to be seen. My heart started pounding, thinking maybe she regretted last night; the things we did, the things I said. Was it all too much and she felt pressured or overwhelmed? I started to panic, running my hands over my face, trying to convince myself everything was okay, but it didn't help. I sat up, looking around for my shirt only to remember that I'd used it on Sophie, making me remember the corner I threw it in; it was still there.

I needed to find Sophie and make sure everything was good between us, especially now that she knew the truth about me and Sarah. I needed to know if she was still willing to commit herself to me, to us, with this kind of baggage attached, but first I needed a shower. My stomach suddenly hurt, the anxiety nipping away on the inside and it felt like there was a giant hole in me. I needed to fill that hole. I need my girl.

[stardust948]

Half Off Chocolate

Prompt: They fight over discounted Valentine's Day chocolate while arguing over who had it worse.

Katara didn’t know why she didn’t just go home.

Her makeup was smeared from crying, dress wrinkled, and hair slipping out of its neat bun. She was a messed and felt even worse inside. Maybe that is why she stopped at the nearest convenient store for some well deserved and frankly overdue, sweets.

The store was a ghost town. Scattered pink and red merchandise laid abandoned on the floor and nearly empty shelves. Of course. Though it was still Valentine’s Day, the hour was late and most of the good stuff was long gone.

Katara wandered to the candy section, feeling like a lost spirit herself; haunting the remains of a once beautiful dwelling now succumbed to ruin. The candy ail was picked clean, as expected. Even the less popular treats were gone. Nothing left except a lone heart shaped red box. An ugly orange sticker slapped hastily on read the box was 50% off due to damage.

‘How fitting. A damaged heart for a damaged heart.’ Katara thought to herself.

A bitter half smile grew on her face as she reached out to pick it up. She did not notice the other hand reaching at the same time until they both grabbed the box. Katara gasped, more out of annoyance than surprise.

The person was a Fire Nation man about her age. He wore a fancy suit with the neck tie partly undone and had long black hair that spilled onto his face. Bits of red peaked under the hair on his left side, probably from a rash or blemish he was trying to hide. Despite this, he was admittedly attractive in his own way.

Katara glared. He must have forgotten what day it was, hastily threw on the fancy outfit and rushed to the store to buy sweets for his disappointed partner. Well too bad! Katara needed it more!

“Excuse you.” Katara said coldly. “I had that first.”

“What? No I did.”

“You’re wrong.” Katara yanked it, but the man held firm. “Let go!”

“I had it first! You let go!”

“No you!”

They yelled and tugged on the chocolate box like a couple of kids fighting on the playground.

“Do you have any idea what I’ve been through?!” Katara spat. “I’ve earned that chocolate!”

“Earned?! I need it more!!!”

“It’s not my fault you forgot Valentines’ Day and had to last minute shopping!”

“I didn’t forget! My girlfriend dumped me today of all days!”

“Oh boohoo! My long term boyfriend proposed today-“

“Well congratulations!” His voice dripped in sarcasm.

“After I caught him cheating, you prick!” Katara snapped. “He didn’t even apologize! Just pulled out a ring and thought that would fix everything!”

“You think that’s bad?! My ex dumped me by bringing the guy she was cheating on me with for the past 2 years!”

“My ex brought his fangirls to the proposal! The very ones who treated me like a maid and constantly threatened me just because I was dating him!”

“My ex threw a glass bottle at my head just for dating another girl while we were on break!”

“My ex threw a lit candle at me because I didn’t want to kiss him right then!”

“My ex did kiss me just to shut me up from talking about confused emotions!”

“My ex purposefully kept me away from my family and constantly belittled my culture!”

“My ex insulted me just for having different opinions from her!”  

“My ex compared my grief of my mom’s murder to losing his pet! Then scolded me for giving a witness report against the murder in trail!!!”

“My ex told my sister where I was knowing she’ll tell my abusive father!!!”

The box ripped in half, sending them flying back and pelting them with chocolate. The two stared at each other in stunned silence before the owner came storming up and kicked them out. The slammed door echoed across the bare parking lot as the two continued to stand there awkwardly.

“Did she really do those things?” Katara asked in a hushed tone.

“Yeah.” The man rasped. There was no hiding the sadness in his voice. “Yours’s?”

Katara nodded. “Yeah…”

“Sounds like a really crappy person.”

“Yours’s too.”

There was another brief silence before he spoke again.

“We’re better off without them.”

“Are we?” Katara asked. “We were just fighting over discounted chocolate 5 minutes ago.”

“Okay, maybe not tonight specifically… But in the long run, we’re better off.”

Katara rubbed her necklace as tears formed. She wanted to agree but a large part of her life was tied to that relationship. Tied to him. Katara shook her head. The stranger was right.

“We are better off.”

“Sorry about…” He gestured to the store behind them. ”That.”

“I’m sorry too.” Katara undid her messy bun, letting her hair fall free, then extended her hand. “I’m Katara.”

He accepted with a firm grip. “Zuko.”

[the-grand-gemini]

Wyll Ravengard thoughts/writing prompt:

Wyll's identity is so heavily focused on his father, which absolutely makes sense given his upbringing with only the one parent, but that doesn't mean sometimes Wyll never wonders what his life would be like if she'd been there. He doesn't necessarily miss his mother as he never had her, but there are moments of "what if". What would father be like, would his expectations have been the same, would his mother have stopped him from being sent away, would she have come with him if Ulder would not let him remain in Baldur's Gate, would she too have cast him out, would she have written to him after he left the Gate, would she make father stay in touch too? Wyll carries a sense of loss and nostalgia he has no means of placing. His mother is an empty shadow in his mind.

Which brings me to this: I can't get the idea out of my head that after Wyll is transformed he feels he's lost part of the gift that his mother gave him. Specifically his eyes. Are Ulder Ravengard's eyes also brown like Wyll's? Probably, but maybe Wyll's eyes were the same shade of brown his mother's were... He had already lost one during battle, and now his remaining eye has been touched by the Hells.

The scene that made me think of this is when Karlach is mourning the loss of the heart that her mother gave her. I feel like Wyll is still probably in relative shock over his changed form and is experiencing body dysmorphia. He would hear Karlach's words and suddenly have another moment of heart break. A thought that had not sat with him yet while too busy trying to adjust to his new form and survive their adventure. The gift that his mother gave him has been corrupted and it's his fault.

(Not that it's actually his fault given that he was a teenager when forced to take Mizora's deal, but you can't tell me Wyll doesn't feel guilty at times for "failing" to meet his father's expectations and internalized that sense of shame)

Even though he's never really met his mother as she passed before he could know her, he feels another level of loss. The body she died giving to him has been altered, the eye(s) in the mirror watching him are no longer his mother's. Maybe one day there will be some relief. His changed body is a means of stepping out of the shadow of who his father expected him to be. But for now there is loss and mourning a gift given by someone he never knew.

I just feel like Wyll doesn't get as much writing and we don't really get to deeply explore the horror of having your body altered without your consent! Which thematically everyone in the party is desperately trying to avoid having their body altered via the illithid tadpol! What we do get are a few brief lines saying that we are sorry and that he's still himself (as well as very handsome if not more so because... horns 👀💦).

I need to read about Wyll mourning himself and accepting his new body. Confronting his father for abandoning him in a time of need. Remembering his father choosing his duty to the city over his duty to him as his child. I mean he could have retired! He and Wyll could have moved to the country OR travelled the coast together fighting for others! However that didn't happen and I feel like a bigger discussion is needed before healing that bond.

You can't tell my young Wyll Ravengard, who loves his father so much he already forgave him the moment he was cast out, didn't cry his heart out alone under the night sky the first time he was on his own. That he doesn't suppress those emotions constantly, because yes he doesn't regret sacrificing himself to protect the people of Baldur's Gate, but that doesn't mean he doesn't weep knowing his father's love was conditional.

I need a discussion where he worries that Tav may choose to leave him someday if he cannot meet their expectations. He knows its unfounded, but the hurt inside himself remains.

I want to see Wyll struggle with his changed body and rediscover himself. Either with the support of a romanced Tav or just the entire team as a supportive found family there to help him.

If anyone wants to use this as a writing prompt please go ahead and tag me if you do so I can read it!

[kradogsrats]

So now I can finally return to my true love, the AU rewrite of the Titan Heart arc. I've been wanting to fill in the gaps and post this bit for a while, because it's kind of the culmination of... a lot. Mostly a lot of trying to understand Sarai.

This is right after Harrow and Sarai's duel in "Breaking the Seal," which Lissa witnesses from one of the castle windows.

—

Ezran had slipped into a doze, his soft baby snores rising and falling with his small chest. Lissa lifted him off the blanket and stood, moving to sit beside Sarai on the couch. "Can I ask what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't seem happy when we saw you down there with King Harrow."

Sarai looked at her quizzically. "'We'?"

"Well, I don't know how much of it Ezran caught," Lissa clarified, "but I'm sure he was rooting for you."

"He'd better, if he knows what's good for him," Sarai chuckled, then sighed. "It's... a difference of opinion. I don't like setting out with the intent to take a life. I don't think I ever will. Not even a life others would deem monstrous. Not even to save ourselves."

Lissa looked down at Ezran, now asleep in her arms. She imagined him shriveled and gaunt, his healthy chubbiness melted away. The lively bloom in his cheeks gone dull and gray. His contented burbling changed to weak, thin cries.

"What else can we do?" she said quietly.

"I don't know. I wish I did."

She handed Ezran over, careful not to wake him. Sarai's face softened as he shifted sleepily. Lissa could tell her thoughts were moving along the same path as her own had—imagining the pain of watching helplessly as a child wasted away in a slow death. A death that they could have been spared.

"I suppose I'm just wishing things were different," Sarai said, after a moment. "Either that we didn't have to make decisions like this, or for Harrow to at least be less cavalier about it. He's so intent on the virtues of this solution that he's not considering all its ramifications.

"We have so many plans, Lissa—plans to make things better in real, lasting ways, for everyone. Plans that would shore up the foundations of the entire Pentarchy, and build a future on top of something solid. Now I worry that he'll abandon those plans the minute some magical quick fix is able to plaster over the cracks."

"King Harrow's not like that. He wants to do what's best—he won't just settle for whatever is easiest." Lissa tried a smile, knowing it was probably half-hearted and lopsided. "And if he does, you can always flatten him in the sparring ring."

"That's true." Sarai returned the smile, but it faded quickly. Her gaze slid away from Lissa's face. "It's unfair of me, but I suspect some of how he's behaving now is because of Viren."

Lissa paused, seized by the sudden, desperate wish for her husband to be there, alive and with them. He'd be in the thick of things, for sure—researching spells with Kpp'Ar, or bickering over siege weaponry with Sarai, or simply taking some of the weight from King Harrow's shoulders in the way only his presence could. His loss had left them all weaker.

"He was as much an idealist as King Harrow, in his way," she said quietly. "He truly believed magic, given the chance, would be the way to a better world. They were close for a long time—it wouldn't be surprising for that to influence the way his majesty thinks, sometimes."

She hesitated, wondering if she should reveal more, then chose to press on. "Did you know that he grew up with nothing? When he went to Kpp'Ar, he only had the clothes on his back."

"I didn't. He never talked about his childhood—not in front of me, at least."

"No, of course not. To hear him tell it, you'd think he sprang full-grown from King Harrow's footprints." Lissa shook her head ruefully. "Stubborn man. He didn't even talk to me about it until I was pregnant with Soren.

"His mother was all he had, and she worked herself into an early grave providing for the two of them—she died only a few years after he left home. She was able to keep them both fed, but only just."

Sarai saw what she was getting at. "And in a famine, they would have gone hungry."

They both knew the bulk of widespread deprivation was always borne by the poor, the orphaned, those enduring illness or disability, the outcasts—all the people who already scraped by with so little. Scarcity would make prices rise, and the wealthy would continue to pay them. Those who could not would go without.

"All those plans you have are part of what makes the two of you truly great rulers," Lissa said gently. "You have a noble vision, and more importantly, you have the patience and will to make it a reality—but you're not gods. No throne has the power to gather up all of a kingdom's suffering and distribute it fairly."

"I know you're right," Sarai said, sighing, "but I wish you weren't."

They both fell silent. Sarai looked down at Ezran, who gurgled softly in his sleep. Lissa leaned slightly against her, shoulder to shoulder, wanting to offer some sort of comfort. After a moment, Sarai leaned against her in return, sighing again.

"I never went into a battle wanting to kill," she said, still looking down at Ezran. "Even knowing I was leading soldiers to their deaths—soldiers I knew had parents, siblings, even spouses and children—I always went in wanting as many of us as possible to go home safely, on both sides.

"There's no amount of killing that can save everyone." She looked to Lissa, her face serious. "But I'm going to make sure Harrow comes home. If he won't come home until he has this creature's heart, then I'll make sure he gets it."

"And keep him alive, if he decides to be a noble, brave idiot?"

"His usual self, you mean?" Sarai cracked a smile. "Yes. It might as well have been in our wedding vows."

Not for the first time, Lissa wondered if she would have stopped Viren, had she known what he planned. Would she have let him trade his life for Soren's, if he hadn't robbed her of the choice? Was it a choice she would ever have forgiven him for giving her?

“Then I’m going, too,” she declared.

Sarai drew back to look at her in surprise. "You?"

“I’m Del Barian, remember—I can ride, and I can shoot. I've brought down big game. I may not be a soldier, but I'm hardly helpless.”

"I'd never doubt it," Sarai countered, "but you're also all your children have. You shouldn't risk—"

"And who will Callum and Ezran have, if you and King Harrow don't come back?" Lissa demanded, cutting her off. “This was all my idea. It’s not right for you two to take all the risks while I stay behind.” She fell silent for a moment, then sighed unhappily. "Besides, you'll have your hands full, with him. Someone will have to look after Kpp’Ar."

[deadendtracks]

I meant marriage but I would be interested to know your thoughts on prior to marriage too...

Ah ok thanks for clarifying.

First, I think that if Tommy's main motivation for marrying Lizzie was a fear of being alone, he would have asked her to marry him when she told him she was pregnant. You know? That would have been a great opportunity to guarantee companionship. But he didn't.

It's not that I don't think there's some truth to the idea that Tommy has a fear of being alone (I'll expand on this in a moment); but I don't think it really plays out by motivating him to marry Lizzie. And I'm not all that convinced it has a lot to do directly with why he was sexually involved with Lizzie before they married. I think Tommy can use sex as an outlet and a distraction, and yes for some human contact (which isn't the same thing as alleviating a fear of being alone). The sex we see him having with Lizzie in s2 is pretty perfunctory, though that might have been specific to the context of that episode and they seem friendly enough afterwards. He also breaks that relationship off with her once he hires her, which he most likely would not have chosen not to do if his primary motivation was fear of being alone.

I think it's more likely after Grace's death, when they were together in s3. We don't actually see any of those sex scenes (though we have Lizzie's line that it was 'bent over a desk' so not exactly super intimate). We also have Tommy's claim that it was Lizzie who kept his heart from breaking. My guess is the truth about how they interacted was probably somewhere in the middle -- 'bent over a desk' doesn't really give you the idea that she's providing him with the kind of emotional comfort Tommy claims to have gained.

But I think the more interesting question is whether or not Tommy has a 'fear of being alone' in the first place. I was talking to Lisa about this, and she framed it as more a fear of being abandoned and I think that's more accurate. I also think that Tommy already feels alone, all of the time, no matter who he's with -- there was a fundamental severing that creates a chasm between him and everyone else, and this seems to have either happened during the war or was worsened by the war.

It's not so much a fear of being alone-- Tommy's very self-aware of the fact that he's already profoundly lonely. He struggles to connect with people. This is part of his PTSD.

So back to your original question: does Tommy marry Lizzie out of a fear of being alone? I'd probably argue no; at the same time I do think that once they are married, Tommy does have a fear that Lizzie will abandon him. And that's actually driving what people have called his jealousy or possessiveness in s5, and it's painfully present in s6 when Lizzie does leave him.

Paradoxically, Tommy doesn't generally try to defend himself or try to make people stay. You see this with Ada in s1 (this is credit to Lisa again) -- he gives up on trying to convince her that he wasn't behind Freddie's arrest and just accepts her 'forgiveness' because he's so afraid if he doesn't, she'll push him away for good. This dynamic is a big part of how he behaves with his family imo.

You also see this when he doesn't try to explain what happened with Diana Mitford in s6, even when Lizzie basically asks him to (her line about how he doesn't even fight her on leaving). I think in this case it's less that he's afraid that if he does she'll push him away, rather it's wrapped up in shame and the idea that he 'belongs at that table' with the fascists. All of that is probably a whole other essay, though.

This has gotten long and I'm feeling dissatisfied with my ability to articulate what I really mean, but hopefully it has complicated, rather than simplified or flattened, Tommy's character.

I do think "Tommy marries Lizzie/is with Lizzie because he's afraid of being alone" isn't accurate and does that thing where reducing his motivations to an easy formula lead you away from really understanding anything that's going on.

[goremet-chef]

vent/rant

its so fucking ABSURD man. "whats with the attitude?" you want me to kill the mood even more? want me to say im depressed cuz my cat is dead and i didnt even realize that on the 21st, that would be the last time id ever see her again? is that what you fucking want?

its so NON EXISTANT to EVERYONE, it means fucking nothing to them!!! how could you care so little, just because we didnt live with her? she was the last remnant of my home. a home free of yelling and violence and blood, home where my friends live, home where i was safe and now shes gone, she was the last one. i thought i had longer with her, at least with riley i got to say goodbye properly

the same thing happened with domino, when i was younger. i felt so betrayed that they didnt even let me say bye to him, i feel a similar anger now.. but i live 2 hours away, there was no convenient way for them to let me do that. i think just..

the SUDDENNESS of the decision is what breaks my heart. she didnt know she wasnt gonna wake up ever again, she probably had no idea what was happening and its. its not like i wanted to see her die, the same way we watched riley get worse until we realized there was no saving him and he wasnt gonna get better, but.. was there really nothing we couldve done? nothing at all? was euthanasia the ONLY course of action? maybe we could have saved her, but its too late now. it doesnt matter anymore

im still kind of in denial, honestly.. it doesnt feel real. some part of me thinks it was a sick joke from my sibling. i know its not, i know its real, but with how everyones acting like it didnt happen at all, you couldnt blame me for feeling that way. part of me really hopes it was a joke but. i know if i ask ill just get confirmation that it wasnt

i wish i was there at least. that way i wouldnt be stuck in this limbo of thinking its not real. i know when riley was put down, id still go to my grandmas room and go to the living room at night somewhat hoping that he'd be there when i looked, but of course he never was. one time i was zoned out and i subconsciously reached over to pet him and feeling time stop when i froze and saw i was reaching for nothing, it hurt so fucking bad, it still hurts so fucking bad man. looking up and seeing the little box he was inside, it fucking sucks i hate this so much

i wish i was there, because at least my grandma gets it. those were her cats, have been for years. she always played it off like they werent because technically artemis and riley were OUR cats, but my mom lost her home and my grandma took us in when i was like.. 8 or 9. and she decided to go back and get them for us. im so grateful she did, because they wouldnt have lived as long as they had out there.

she gets it, because she loved them too. my mom didnt love them. my brother didnt love them. my older sister literally just completely abandoned and probably forgot about riley, who was HER cat. i remember he used to attack my feet from under the bed, when i was a little kid. the only one who came close to loving them like how we do was my oldest sibling, and even still he doesnt seem sad about it at all. like i know hes sad cuz he loved her but he rarely ever saw her, it was more like a passing claim of "oh, thats my cat", yknow?

my grandma gets it. i know she knows its really hard for me. it was so hard when domino was gone. when riley was sick, she tried to be lighthearted about it and even when i saw him for the last time, and we were both crying, she told me to say bye to him in kind of a goofy voice. i know she doesnt want to see me hurting like that, and it was kind of dreadful at the time, but im really glad she let me say goodbye to him, because it was a goodbye i meant. it wasnt "goodbye, see you later", it was the real one and i didnt get to give that to arty. i just said bye like normal, because i thought shed be okay! i thought whatever was wrong with her, we could fix. i cant believe it was so cut and dry

and i cant stand it here, they dont have and kind of sympathy, i think my mom doesnt even KNOW that i know. which means she just didnt plan on telling me at all. even my sibling was confused as to why she wouldnt have. its like they cant fathom why id be sad for more than a day or two, but i loved her! i fucking loved her, i loved all of them

i dont believe in the afterlife, but part of me wants to believe that they can at least know how much i miss them, how much i love them. its the only sort of comfort i have, even if i dont really believe it. i hope they can hear me cry and they know that its because i love them so fucking much and i want to see them again

it doesnt help that, exactly like when riley was put to sleep, im having dreams about her. dreams where shes dead, but im hallucinating her and i can see her again and im petting her and its so real.. shes there in my head and everyone around me tells me "its not real" but i dont even care! i dont care if its not real, because seeing her is enough. arty, i love you so much girl, im so fucking sorry we couldnt do anything. im sorry to riley too, and domino, and talcum. im sorry marceline, im sorry ellie. i know its not my fault, there was really just nothing we could do, but man i wish that wasnt true

they lived their whole lives with us, which is why its so crazy to me that most of my family doesnt really care. no one is gonna remember them, so ill drown myself in the grief just to honor their memory, because they deserve to be cried over. they deserve to be missed, to have someone who loves them after everything. their loss should be mourned, how could i think back on their whole lives and do anything but? i know people say "oh, remember the good times! they wouldnt want you to be sad" but the good times are gone. crying affirms the fact that i loved them and ill keep loving them until im dead too, because they deserve that

[storiesofsvu]

Bruised Peach Ch 8

Jackie Sharp x reader Warnings: language, alcohol consumption, mention of weed consumption, some angst mentions/hurt/comfort. Mentions of past trauma, otherwise all fluff though. A/N: welp. here we go. I originally wanted the childhood conversations to be a full fledged chapter and dig into it more, but I just simply couldn't be bothered (and it is explained in the third installment of this series). I just wanted to wrap this up. I also meant to include a lot more of Jackie's past and her own troubling issues and how that helped the two of them find solace in each other, but again, this just fell through. So. this is officially wrapped, stay tuned for the next installment where yn1.0 shifts to an OC and Heather returns... For reference, anyone wanting the full conversation between Heather & yn that's mentioned in this ch/wants a refresher, click here! for that (it's about halfway down, start reading at the *)

 With the stress of the election behind you, everything seemed to be running smoother, a little less chaotic, and far less schmoozing with press and reporters. Following Remy’s advice, Jackie sought out a little soul searching therapy herself, and brought up the idea of some joint sessions with you that you agreed was probably a wonderful idea. As November pressed on, moving into December, it became very apparent just how important sessions like those would be to make sure that your relationship stayed on track, and to help you work through the trust issues Heather had created in your head. Christmas was always a tough time for you, you hated it and usually were able to just throw yourself into work, it being the busiest time in the service industry, distracting yourself by nearly burning out instead of thinking about the festivities.

It was a joint session that you opened up, revealing just why you were continually shooting down any and all of Jackie’s holiday suggestions unless they were work related. You had yet to ever talk about your family with Jackie, she only knew your mom passed when you were young and you didn’t ever talk to your dad. That day she felt her heart break as she discovered the truth, squeezing at your hand as you both processed your way through your emotions. Discovering just why you felt so abandoned and broken, left behind by anyone whom you’d ever thought had cared for you. Why you were so hesitant about even making friends, so many of them turning their backs while you tried to get through life, why you honestly didn’t have that big of a circle friends currently.

Jackie felt the tears slip over her cheeks as she listened to you talk about how you’d managed to work through all of that, how there were parts of your childhood trauma that you’d completely forgotten about until Heather had lead you on, made you feel safe and cared for. Her manipulation flourishing the emotions going through your brain, crossing wires and making you feel like she held feelings for you, that she wanted the best for you, and maybe even could fall in love with you. How she, like many, many before had simply laughed in your face and reminded you that you were useless, that you were nothing but a speck on the ground and you should feel incredibly lucky to have ever been associated with her. Jackie felt herself feel even more grateful that you had accepted her love, that you were working on trusting her, and she made sure that you knew that. That she was thankful for just how much hard work you were putting into your relationship, and that she knew how much you were doing just to keep afloat and make the relationship last. She reminded you that everything that came through her lips was the truth, but she understood if you doubted her, and understood that things would take a little bit more time. Most importantly, you reminded each other that you loved one another.

That holiday season she made sure to hold you a little tighter, give you an extra couple of kisses in the morning and always fall asleep in each other’s arms at night.

Inauguration rolled around, Underwood re-swore his oath and Jackie took her first one in front of the entire country, the entire world, with you at her side and neither of you could be prouder. She kept her apartment, knowing that her term living in Observatory Circle was temporary, whether four years or eight. You obviously had an all access pass to the white house now, and spent a good chunk of your time there, but still had some hesitancy, especially to give up your condo. And that was something that Jackie understood completely, and never once mentioned. It was when the weather began to change, winter melting away into spring that you let out a little sigh, saying that you’d much rather spend all of your time with the woman that you loved so dearly. Jackie simply smiled, kissing you gently and told you to bring whatever you wanted, but to keep the condo, as a little back up emergency pad. When asked if she was sure, her response was simply, “well, where else are you going to be able to smoke weed with Becca?” her signature smirk on her lips.

Summer was a highlight for everyone, celebrations galore as Rob reached milestones at work, Becca received her final grades from her graduating year at college, and you and Jackie solidified your careers and your relationship. It was cliché, probably too cheesy, but it was under the light of the fireworks on the fourth of July that you turned to Jackie, pressing a gentle kiss to her skin, murmuring how much you loved her, and how you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her. She teased at first “that sounds like a proposal.” But the laugh was lost on her lips at the sight of the ring in your hand, her eyes filling with tears of joy at something that she was sure was never going to happen, quickly accepting and kissing you breathless.

It wasn’t long after that that the weather changed once again, the air cooling, leaves turning, crunching under your feet as you wandered the streets of Washington. Things seemed to nearly slow down in the political field, and when you were called by Salt Line, begging you to cover a shift and  you were actually able to say yes. That was a surprise on its own, but the bigger surprise came within the last hour of your shift, a server needing you to cover a table, your heart leaping into your throat at the sight of Heather Dunbar seated in her regular booth.

You calmed yourself enough to greet her, taking in the very small and subtle changes in her appearance, the fact that she wasn’t drinking, or throwing around wads of cash to anyone who so much as picked up a piece of silverware from her table. The awkwardness breezed from both sides, but did subside throughout her meal, a little bit of small talk exchanged as you both took a peek into the other’s life. You, trying to see if she was still the same woman she was a year ago, and her trying to figure out how her family was, trying to see if she would maybe be welcomed back. Her heart jumped in her chest when you called her name right as she was leaving, thinking that your relationship with Jackie hadn’t made it, that maybe you were still harbouring feelings, and were about to be the one to forgive her first. Instead she was met with you holding the keys to the condo she’d bought you while she had you under her thumb. You’d moved on, and you wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She could at least try to accept that fact, leaving you with a card for Becca that you promised to drop off.

*

Not that you had any obligation to Heather, but you needed to blow off the steam of running into her before you went home to Jackie, somewhere where you knew you could freak out a little bit and get the edge off. Becca was working Shaw’s that night and had been trained behind the bar now which meant it would be a little calmer than if she was serving, not that it was busy right now anyway. Her face lit up with a smile when you stepped into the bar, waving to you as you practically jogged through the room to take your usual seat at the wood.

“Hey! So how was it? You drop a fuck ton of plates?” She asked with a tease and you rolled your eyes.

“It was fine. But right now, I need a shot, and a drink.”

“That bad?” She raised an eyebrow, but pulled down your usual bottle of liquor, pouring one out for each of you, quickly clinking glasses before sinking the liquid back. She took a minute to grab you a pint of cider, sliding it across to you. “So…what’s going on?”

“I think this’ll explain enough.” You dug the card out of your bag, handing it to her, watching as her brow furrowed for a moment, her fingers ripping the envelope open and flipping open the card. You were completely unsurprised at the wad of cash that fell out of it, Becca letting out a loud scoff and rolling her eyes before the card was tossed aside into the trash.

“Where’d you get that? The condo?”

“She handed it right to me.”

“Oh you can’t be fucking serious!”

“In her defence she had no idea I’d be working Salt Line, so like, she didn’t arrange it or anything.” Becca picked up the wad of cash, suddenly interrupting you,

“You want this?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Ugh. I’ll give it to dad for the research grant.” She moved to tuck it safely into her bag, “did she come up to you? Or just to drop the card.”

“I got pulled to help with a couple of tables and ended up taking hers.”

“How awkward was that?”

“Not as bad as you could think?” You paused for a few sips of cider, “she’s…. different…. She wasn’t drinking, she’s in therapy, and was like, open about that. Even apologized for everything and was wondering about you and Rob….”

“Okay but different is easy to fake. And we both know she’s had decades of practice at that.”

“No, there was definitely a change. Like, don’t get me wrong, she’s still Heather, and it’s not like I trust her, but she’s putting the work in.”

“You think she’s better?”

“She’s only been gone a year, how much better could she be?” You offered with a sigh and Becca groaned.

“She’s barely been gone long enough for me to like, adjust to her being gone. None of us need her trying to force her way into our lives, we’re just getting over everything she put us through. Hell, dad still gets calls from reporters trying to bait him into giving a statement or story.”

“For what it’s worth, she’s not about to try and see you guys. Running into me was a coincidence, I mean, she knows where you work and she hasn’t shown up here yet, or at Rob’s. I think she just wants to say sorry, let you know that she’s here again?”

“Yeah. Well, I’m not exactly ready to forgive her, and neither should you.”

“I did accept her apology.” You winced, “but it was a pretty general apology, which is why I don’t think she really realizes the extent of the damage she did.”

“Please tell me accept her apology was all you did.” Becca warned, “she didn’t manage to convince you off to some back room.”

“Ew! Becks, no! There was small talk, an apology, and then I gave her the keys to the condo back. I think she thought something else was coming but I told her about the wedding, so she knows there’s nothing for her here anymore.”

“Good.” She paused to make a couple of drinks for one of the servers, “what’re you gonna tell Jackie?”

“The truth?” You felt your heartrate pick up, “I mean, what else is there to tell. We promised to not keep secrets, and we meant it. Keeping a secret about Heather of all things, would be a major red flag.” Becca grinned across the bar at you and you raised a brow, “what?”

“You’ve really grown a lot in the past year.” She smiled, “proof that at least someone is working on themselves, healing.”

“I think we’ve all done a huge amount of healing.”

“Yeah… cause she was gone.”

“Hopefully she won’t reach out.”

“If she knows what’s good for her she won’t.” Becca rolled her eyes, and it didn’t take long after that for the bar to get busy. You settled your bill and bid her goodnight, heading back to the White House where you knew you had a very loving fiancée waiting.

*

The conversation with Jackie was easier than you’d expected, your nerves instantly slipping away at the sight of her smiling face, her eyes filled with adoration and love for you and only you. She joked about Heather still being psycho, and that was that, the thought of Heather vanishing from either of your minds as you sunk into each other’s arms, murmurs of how much you loved each other and how much you couldn’t wait to be wives whispered into the night.

It was less than a month later, a card for Becca showing up at her new apartment – which raised a flag to all of you since Heather would have had to do more than enough sleuthing to get the address – with yet another wad of cash inside, this one larger than the last. The note scribbled inside mentioned that Heather was leaving town once again, this time for a much longer and indetermined length of time. That she wanted to make sure Becca was set up and would have a nice little bonus to get her through her first couple of years post graduation. Becca simply tossed the money toward her father for his foundation and burnt the card. The only reassurance that came from the note was that Heather would be nowhere to be seen for a very long time.

Before anyone knew it, the streets of Washington were coated in a light blanket of snow, the holidays back in full swing. Jackie was more than happy to see your improvement from the previous year, eager to engage in as many activities as you could manage. Knowing that you were surrounded by this new found family that truly appreciated and loved you, one that was never going to let you go, with the love of your life by your side, there was nothing that could bring you down, you’d climbed your way out of the pit that had been dug for you. And now it had been refilled, this time with love and joy, protecting you from ever being able to fall back into it.

As the snow melted, the city springing to life, birds chirping, flowers blooming on trees, the sun shining brighter and for longer each and every day, everything seemed to get better with each moment that passed. The excitement in the air rose with each step closer to your wedding as all the final plans were set into motion and before you knew it, you were saying your I do’s. Jackie’s ocean eyes swimming with happy tears as you promised that she was your love, your one and only and one and forever. Not a single dry eye in the house as your lips finally met, smiles present on both, ones that were bright enough to not fade for the rest of the evening, cheeks aching by the time you’d finally said your goodbyes to the last guests.

Finally able to return home that evening, you couldn’t keep your eyes or hands off each other, stealing little kisses, hands lingering, drawing patterns in the other’s palm while you simply drank the other in. Jackie pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, the tip of your nose and then your lips, a soft I love you breathed against your lips that you returned before following her into the bedroom.

One would think that a wedding night would be filled with bliss and taking each other to your peaks as many times as possible, but the two of you were simply happy to just be. Nothing mattered as long as you had each other, and you both knew that. You cherished those private, intimate moments with no one else around where you could be as sickeningly in love as you desired. Finally out of constricting wedding attire and clad in cozy soft clothes Jackie handed you a glass of champagne and dragged you out onto the terrace.

“What’s gotten into you?” You laughed, kissing her gently as she tugged you onto her lap in one of the recliners.

“Just one last surprise peach.” She kissed your temple, “well, actually it’s not from me. Claire just told me to make sure we were outside by midnight, a piece of the Underwood’s wedding present I guess.”

As if on cue there was a low hissing sound through the air before a burst of coloured light exploded in the sky and a small gasp escaped your lips. Jackie watched the way your eyes reflected the glitter of the fireworks, wide with surprise and admiration, the smile on your cheeks never once leaving as you sunk further into her embrace.

She realized that this moment truly was the happiest she’d ever been in her life, that this day was one of the best she’d ever had. She’d nearly accepted that she’d be alone, married to the job forever, that she wouldn’t find someone who would be willing to put up with her workload, with her own personal issues and dark past. But then there was you, the cute little assistant who blushed whenever she complimented you, the one with her own baggage, and one that she would fall in love with far too quickly, the one that she would love with all of her heart and soul for the rest of her life, no matter what happened. She would protect you with every inch of her fire, support you with everything she had, raise you up as high as she possibly could, because you were the love of her life, and she was so incredibly happy that she would never have to let you go.

You let out a little content sigh, your eyes still on the sky as you linked your left hand with Jackie’s left, bringing the back of it up to your lips to lay a gentle kiss just below her ring. You couldn’t believe it, that you had actually found someone you loved just as easily and as heavily as Jackie, much less one that returned every single ounce of affection that you held for her. Part of you still felt like you were dreaming, that this life was simply a fantasy, but the feeling of her arms around you, her lips meeting your skin, the beating of her heart just beneath you made you remember that everything was very real. You’d overcome your past, you’d made your way from the trenches and had found the exact place you were meant to be, and the person you were meant to be with, the one that you would go to war for, the one who would always have your back, and the one you would always have heart eyes for.

You felt a sudden splash of wetness on your shoulder, frowning slightly thinking it was raining until Jackie sniffled and you let out a small chuckle, burying yourself into her arms deeper, tugging them tighter around your body.

“I love you.” You murmured softly, squeezing at her hand and she hummed happily in response, “you and only you my love, a hundred times over again.”

“A thousand times over again my little phoenix.” She replied, kissing the top of your head, “I love you more than you could ever imagine. And I thank you for loving me.”

“I’ll choose you every day for the rest of my life. You’re the only thing I need. I’m incredibly proud to be your wife.”

“And I’m incredibly lucky to be yours.”

_______________ @ms-calhoun @naturalxselection @yesterdaysgone @hbkpop @svulife-rl @jamiethetrans @natasha-danvers @imlike-so-gaydude @gay-ass-bitch @oliviaswifey @mysticfalls01 @cmmndrwidw @bumblebear30 @molllss @solemnnova @svushots @yourtaletotell @cerberus-spectre @emskisworld @ex-uallyactive @addictedtodinosaurs @imaginaryoperagloves @lustvolle-liebe @samwithnoplan @multifandomlesbianic @swimmingstudentchaos891 @drduckthief @whimsicallymad @alexusonfire @mmmmokdok @muscatmusic18 @sia2raw @ladysc @dxtery @momlifebehard @mmemalwa @holycrapraewth @poisonedcrowns @wannabe-fic-reader @borg-queer

[moa-broke-me]

I know that everyone on this site hates Caleo, and I've already written about it in Te Amo, Ti Amo, but I can't get the thoughts out of my head unless I post them. So here's why I, specifically, hate the ship:

Like there's the obvious 'literal thousands-of-years-old goddess/teenage boy' dynamic, which is very squicky to me, personally. But we're gonna let it slide for now because I don't want this to devolve into accusations and harassment. Absolutely no hate to anyone who DOES ship these two btw, I'm sure you're all fine people with just as well thought out reasons for why you like the ships you like.

What I will NOT let slide, however, is that, in my opinion, their specific backstories and personalities have the potential to react with each other in the worst way.

Let's start with Leo:

Leo basically hasn't had a stable person or thing in his life ever since his mom died. So not only is he 'insecure' in the sense that he has low self-esteem, but is also LITERALLY in a constant mindset of insecurity, instability, scarcity and risk. He has MAJOR abandonment issues, is convinced that nobody really cares about him all that much and that they're all eventually gonna leave him, and as such, develops a goofy, overly confident, overly flirtatious persona in order to cope with all his inner strife and his constant feelings of 'not being good enough'. He has a bit of a jealous streak as showcased with how he treated Frank in the beginning. He's also probably not one to walk away from a relationship of any kind (be it romantic or platonic), even if he's being treated badly, because at least that way, he won't be alone.

Now, let's go over to Calypso, who we admittedly don't have a lot of background for, and who a lot of people really dislike. I can see where you're coming from, but she's spent thousands of years in isolation, imprisoned on a desert island, trapped by the same curse that also makes her fall in love and get her heart broken, over and over again. So I think a LITTLE sympathy is in order. And it's only when he comes into the picture, for the second time, that she's able to be free. But... What happens when she gets off that island? When the curse is lifted? My speculation is that she would hate, absolutely loathe, feeling like she's being forced into something. Well, nobody likes it, but for her, it would be an especially horrible feeling. And what of her feelings for Leo? Were those, too, a trick of the light?

So what if she looks over at him, and she realizes she doesn't feel the way she thought she did? Well, she'd think, I can't leave him now. It would break his heart. I owe my freedom to him, the least I can do is play along.

But her disinterest seeps through anyway, and Leo takes notice. He starts to exaggerate his persona, become louder, sillier, more aloof. Trying to drown out the voice in his head telling him she's about to leave, and that if he'd been better, she wouldn't, that once again, he's not good enough for anyone.

She doesn't understand why he's acting this way, and gets increasingly irritated by him because she feels stifled. She feels... Trapped.

And one night, the resentment boils over and she tells him she wants to break up.

He's devastated. He breaks down pleading with her not to go, not to abandon him, but she sticks to her guns. Nobody is ever gonna trap Calypso ever again. Not with magic, not with debt, not with guilt. She storms out, and never looks back.

But Leo looks back. He can't stop looking back.

He still loves her.

[teamgamble]

Team Gamble Shadow Pokemon Crisis Meeting

Judas slammed the side of the abandoned warehouse with the side of his forearm. “God fucking DAMMIT, why did they have to come back here out of all places!?” Laz wasn’t incorrect, the Orrish boy was extremely unhappy about this.  No wonder, Isaac thought, she wouldn’t be happy either if he was in their position.

All thirteen members of Team Gamble were in here.  Presumably once belonging to a small company, they had taken it as their own, decorating it with tables, lights, beanbags, and other amenities.  The shutters were rusted shut, but there was a way in only those who have been inside knew of.  Team Star actually used this as a base, once, before it grew so much Team Star required multiple separate large scale bases all over Paldea.  Perhaps that’s why they don’t do anything anymore, whereas with a smaller team it was easier to coordinate plans.

“I know this is a stressful time,” Isaac piped up, “but we need to keep our wits about us.  Team Snagem are scary for sure, but if they were beaten back once, people can do it again.” “They ain’t making it easy though,” Samson pointed out, sitting up in his beanbag chair.  “They’re skulking ‘round in the shadows and shit like that.  I mean, motherfuckers nabbed Pokemon from Larry just ‘cause he dared to eat lunch in a restaurant.  Snagem’s ain’t the sort to play fair.”

“So why should we?” Azazel grinned, leaning forward.  They were silent up to this point, silently petting their own Staraptor, Starlo.  “I mean, they’re probably gonna go straight for our ‘Mon in a battle, right?  What’s keeping us from joining the battle and breaking their kneecaps?” There was a tense aura around them.  They could see their own starter Pokemon getting injected in the shoulder blade and thrashing about instead of Larry’s Staraptor--something they boiled their blood.

“Violence isn’t always the answer, you know,” Maggie said, but she was interrupted by her stepbrother. “No, no, they got a point,” Isaac said, standing up.  “We can’t have our Pokemon be the only ones fighting for innocent lives.  I think it’s time we also do our part.” He looked at Jacob.  “How good are we on money?  Because I doubt we can get self-defense weapons with League Points.” “Very very good!” the brunette boy clapped (and a “thanks to me” from his lighter haired twin which earned the latter a glare).  “We might have enough to arm everyone here!” “And I don’t need ‘em,” Samson spoke up.  “In fact, I could probably teach y’all a bit of how to wrestle a Pokemon.  Don’t Shadow Pokemon like going for the trainer anyway?”

Beth nodded.  “Yes, but no.  Isaac, may I?” Isaac nodded back at her, and Beth stood up and walked over to the used Smartboard Eden had managed to salvage a while back.  She pulled up a slide, which contained her research and clips from the videos the Team Snagem blog posted. “Shadow Pokemon being emotionless is in fact, mostly a myth.  It’s more like hatred and anger driving them forward, because a major part of the process involves trauma, along with whatever agent is being used to help close the door to their hearts.  I’d detail the process more, but, well...” Beth leaned forward on the nearby computer and pulled up two tabs on The Koiking’s Pond blog.  “Here’s a bit of reading, I think the owner behind this could explain it better than I do.” “But as for who Shadow Pokemon target...it’s less that they prefer opposing Trainers, and more that they’re indiscriminate,” Beth explained.  “Opposing Pokemon, opposing Trainers, even their allies and their own Trainer.  You can get them to focus their attacks, but it takes training.  You’re sacrificing effort ,the Pokemon’s own health, and others’ health for more power, essentially.”

Beth switched back over to the Groovyle Slide, showing some photos from Orre’s Snagem-Cipher crisis that came from before they were all even born. “Snagem at first got their Pokemon from Cipher, and they may have picked back up the reins, but they were the original makers of Snag Balls and Snag Machines.  Only an ex-Grunt managed to get the original model to turn them back on them, but I have reason to believe they may have newer and up to date models.  It’s in the name, after all.” Beth looked back at the others.  “In short, if we encounter a Snagem grunt and win, don’t just take their Pokemon.  Take every equipment they might have.  If they happen to have Snag Balls or a Snag Machine on them, we want them.  Then we can capture back the Pokemon they stole and turned into Shadow Pokemon.”

[wixelt]

I change my mind. Addendum to the Gem and Iskall ask.

Using some fae tricks, a smidge more accessable for her than the others now due to some training with Valandria, Gem manages to stay a fixed distance ahead of the chasing False, some speading up to dissapear into the spontaneous fog before appearing again deeper into the woods may also play into it.

But they're defaulting to the same events.

False's thoughts track roughly along these lines:

don'tgodon'tgodon'tgoi'msorrydon'tleavepleasedon'tleave I'M SORRY

Meanwhile, Maybe if it were just Stress, she could handle it but both Stress and False here and now she's doing it again you've learned nothing you're a coward you just can't help abandoning everyone who cares about you can you I hope you're proud-

And it's False's gut wrenching, hopeless, begging apology, and it's the way Gem freezes, and how quickly she turns around, and it's the tears streaming both their faces and it's how natural maintaining that insurmountable gap felt and it's Gem's double life in another world and it's how False treated a member of Gem's second family.

Amd maybe they both think it's their own fault, and maybe they also blame the other, and maybe Stress tries to convince them it wasn't either's. And maybe they have a lot they need to work through.

(and maybe there's shouting from two parts of the mountain, and Anne gets just a tad more impatient)

(Later Stress realizes the stone isn't fully charged but from what she can tell, that shouldn't effect much at least for simple uses, which she doesn't actually know if anything would count as that in this case but she assumes it's fine)

(Maybe I thought we could do better than maintaining canon levels of angst)

And now the second part to this. :D

Valeriana's better grasp on the thing locking down everyone's powers gives Gem a remarkable advantage. Though her usual, vital power's still lost to her, some of the other tricks she's picked up - especially those of the fae-perception variety - become a little more available.

So she manages to keep ahead of False & Stress so they're distracted for almost the entire temple trial, but as she sees False's expression slowly become that of recognition & the blonde grow desperate & panicked - her cries ringing in Gem's ears - Gem's heart breaks for her friends.

And that little inner voice that chides her every time she world hops to escape a dangerous situation - all the lies to save embarassment that have built up over time - gnaws at her resolve. She could've bore the emotional pain if it were just Stress, but with False as well - or even False alone - it's a different story.

So Gem falters, & turns around.

And all the stuff that went down between the two - Gem's double life, False's treatment of one of "Other" Gem's friends (False's own sister, she'd later learn), & at the root of it all that happened with the Moon - comes crashing down.

Both False & Gem blame themselves for their own failings, but that tiny mote of anger at each other also bubbles beneath the surface no matter how much Stress has help her gal pals patch things up. Not enough to affect their friendship in the day-to-day, but with the isolation & the uncertainty & now the chase, emotions run wild for a moment.

So you can forgive Anne & Val both for getting a little peeved at the shouting match going on in the background. :P

Thankfully, despite the angst, getting all this out in the open was only a net positive, & by the time everyone groups up again, False, Gem & Stress are hugging it out.

And though Stress notices the incomplete charge, she probably doesn't comment on it. If she did, Anne would tell Marcy, who'd tell Andrias... & you can guess how that'd--

...

...Hmm. Actually, there's a thought.

Hey, anyone ever read this Amphibia fancomic before? (I've been dying for a follow-up, but right now its giving me food for thought.)

(No worries wanting to up the angst. As has been said, the Hermits presence isn't entirely a positive & this is probably roughly the time the signs of the escalation & hazards its caused start to show more.)

[txemrn]

Guess who!! I'm ready for some tna analysis from you!!!! What did you think of the chapter ?? I think it's weird we don't have an explanation yet. Hello?? Dead woman walking. Anyone else freaked out??

Hey, anon! I'm so excited! One of my TNA Askers! Welcome home! I'm so glad you're back with book 3! And omg ... I am still unraveling from that first chapter... shall we discuss? 😁

I love that you bring up that we don't have an explanation yet of Addison's reappearance. If the love of my life died and came back REGARDLESS if she's a heartless bitch and abandoned the family or if she was taken captive or ... whatever... why are we not trying to figure this out? Why are we playing in the snow like it's nothing? Is this a normal thing for Sam? Women claiming to be his dead wife?

I could be wrong, but this DNA testing is such bullshit. No offense to those who think this, but I think the plot of it being a body double, a twin or someone who had plastic surgery is so lazy and ridiculous. If that happens, then okay... but I'll be pissed. LOL

But then again, Sammy claims he saw her in the morgue... I'm assuming they also did tests then (or did they get a payout from Daddy Dalton too)? OR... Does Sam know (this would be SO RICH, y'all... it's not gonna happen, but can you imagine!?)?

Also, if it's his lawyers doing the testing, why are they giving her the results?

I'm sure we all picked up on this: The Daltons told homegirl where Sammy was! Survey says THEY'RE IN ON IT!

Random thought: I think Sammy was Sam Dalton's persona before his wife "died" (remember: in the previous books, his dad was concerned about him being a little too wild; he was a risk taker; and now: workaholic).

Of course, MC knows how to fix everything. She has all the answers, including how to talk to the twins about their not-so-dead mother. Don't get me wrong: these are difficult discussions, and I am glad that the twins have SOMEONE to talk to about it. I feel like the only thing Sam knows about children is how to make them... but hey, wouldn't that be a fun plot twist (and by fun, I mean dumpster fire)? The twins aren't even his.

Red Flag #1763 for Sam Dalton: I want to preface this with I AM NOT DEFENDING ADDISON. We don't know her story; it's not looking so good.

But what the hell? MC comes to Sam during their cabin getaway to talk about Addison... they are literally on a getaway. Nothing else to do. Winter break. Vacay.

"...I know this must be awful for you, and haven't had much time to talk about directly." WHY NOT? WHY AREN'T WE TALKING!? DISMOUNT, GET YOUR FINGER OUT OF HIS ASS AND TALK!

"...something in my gut is telling me it's really Addison." SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR GREAT LOVE... have they even talked to her? Don't you think if they had a conversation together, he'd be able to tell? 5 years is nothing ...

And then... this entire exchange... *eye twitches*

MC: "Addison was your wife. I know you loved her once, and now that she's back..." (MC gets it; they were all still feeling the grief of Addison's loss 6 months ago when when MC took the nanny job...)

Sam: You are the one I want by my side... I mourned Addison and moved on. Her coming back, if it really is her, doesn't change.

Y'all... this makes me so sick. They weren't broken up. They hadn't divorced. She had "died"... imagine the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE dying and now they are back. Obviously, we have a TON of questions (and it's looking like Addison abandoned the family with maybe a rich payout). I don't expect Sam to be like... "Gee, I don't know MC, I guess I don't love you anymore." But, I'm not impressed.

Also, (I was asked this on FB) I don't fault Addison for not smiling at MC. LOL She probably sees MC as her husband's midlife crisis (which... *ahem*)

Of course, MC is gonna condone more pranks and now fibbing.

And one. last. thought (if you've made it this far)... those precious babies. UGH... just... my heart. Is she Mom or is she Addison? Do they want to see her or do they not? This has got to be so friggin confusing and my heart just breaks for them... this is so ugly for them.

Whew... talk about a ramble. I know there are PLENTY of people who disagree with me, and that is 100% okay.

Thank you so, so much for the Ask! I'm so happy you're back! And as always, I'd love to hear your thoughts!

*big ol hugs* 💜

[drawingconclusions]

CHRISTMAS FOR EVERYONE

With all the routine and hoopla of the holidays, I realize the Christmas story may seem somewhat impersonal to some people, almost as if it's a grandiose, irrelevant story that only holds importance for those who lived it so long ago. But if you take a closer look, I think you'll find that the situations of many of the individuals involved were not much different from the ones we experience today.

Mary apparently was a simple follower of God who lived a relatively humble lifestyle before the angel appeared to her, making the earth-shattering announcement that would forever change her world and ours. In fact, at one point when Mary breaks out in spontaneous song in amazement of the fact that she would be the one to bear the Christ child, she herself gave thanks to God for lifting her up from such a state of humility: "My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant." Luke 1:46-48 (NIV). One Bible study note I perused years ago insightfully noted that when Mary and Joseph presented Jesus at the Temple in Luke 2:24, it's implied that they couldn't afford the more expensive sacrificial offering, and instead, they presented the less expensive alternative. But God wasn't ashamed of Mary and Joseph's poverty. Instead, He delighted in choosing them because of their hearts of gold, and today He still seeks character above wealth & other superficial markers.

In Luke 1:5-25, 57-66, we read about an elderly couple, Zechariah and Elizabeth, who followed God wholeheartedly throughout their lives. They had basically done everything right when it comes to God, and yet they had been afflicted with one of the most devastating cultural stigmas of the time: they were childless and old. Luke 1:7 (NIV) states, "they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; and they were both well along in years." With their virility and youthful strength now just a fleeting memory, they likely felt abandoned and forgotten by the God they had so faithfully served all those years. Why hadn't he heard all their desperate prayers during those crucial decades?! Couldn't He have at least granted them the blessing of a child & provider in their old age? Yet they were completely unaware that God had heard all those prayers and He still had an awesome plan for their them and for the son Elizabeth would miraculously bear. In fact, their son John the Baptist would be born at just the perfect time, for in his adult years, he would serve to prepare the way for the ministry of Jesus.

The Magi, or Wise Men, were likely among the intellectuals of the time, continually delving into books and scrolls, always mindful of the changing times and up to date on the latest happenings. And judging by the distance their caravan traveled and by some of the gifts they gave Mary, Joseph, and Jesus in Matthew 2:11, they more than likely also had a certain degree of wealth. And yet their pedigree and riches didn't keep them from recognizing the true royalty who was about to be born into the world. Instead, they actively sought out Jesus with an unfailing determination: "Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, 'Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him.'" Matthew 2:1-2 (NIV) They wouldn't give up until they had seen and experienced the Christ child for themselves, and given him due homage.

I heard a preacher on television in passing the other day commenting on the lowly position of the shepherds described in Luke 2. He stated that they were so despised that their testimony wasn't even acceptable in a court of law back then! I'm surmising that if society held these people in such low esteem, many probably thought they were fit for nothing more than taking care of smelly, senseless animals. And yet God chose the shepherds to announce the birth of Jesus to and to carry that glorious message to anyone who would listen. "When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child." Luke 2:17 (NIV). I'll even bet these humble shepherds joined in the angels' chorus, perhaps clumsily so, but with proud and strong song. Can't you just picture the beautiful blending of voices of angels and men on that wondrous night? What a sight to behold that must have been!

And of course, there were bad actors surrounding the birth of Jesus, as well. From those who couldn't be bothered to offer decent lodging for Joseph & a pregnant Mary to a jealous king who couldn't even stand the thought of any other perceived newborn royal within 100 miles. But the thing is, Jesus came to earth for everyone, good or bad, righteous or wicked. Whether you're rich or poor, young or old, whether you're intellectual & cutting edge or out of it & passé, whether you're lowly & despised, or respected & popular, Christ came for you. If you're desperately lonely and hurting, beset by disease or financial hardships, or bound by constant addictions that eat away at the very essence of your being, Jesus is just a prayer away, waiting with open arms and a heart filled with undying love for you. It's no wonder the angel declared in Luke 2:10b (NIV), "I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people." (my italics added).

So if you don't know Christ and the redemption from sin & the eternal life He offers, I hope you say "Yes" to Jesus and his plan for your life. If you've already committed your life to Christ, may you experience his amazing glory in your life in the coming year. And in whatever circumstances you find yourself in this Christmas or in the coming year, realize that God can turn any situation around, just as He did for those individuals in the scriptures. Because when God's involved, nothing is impossible.