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obxfics · 4 years

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puppybowl sunday

summary: you spend the day cuddled up watching the puppy bowl

pairing: john b x reader x jj

word count: 1654

a/n: i got inspiration watching the puppy bowl so... here we are lol also when tf is season 2 coming i want more motivation to write and shit please anyways enjoy (also this could technically belong to the “you against the world” universe but also... idk where it would fit lmao so if you want to imagine it like that have at it)

Masterlist

john b groaned as something woke him up. he had been deep in sleep, something he appreciated considering how many late night grocery or food runs he had to do for the residents of figure eight, when he felt someone shift as they laughed. he blearily opened his eyes to see you, sitting up with your back against his headboard and one of his arms flung across your waist, frozen with your hand clapped over your mouth. obviously you hadn't been meaning to laugh that hard.

"what are you doin' up so early?" he rasped, his voice kinda scratchy from sleep.

you smiled down at him and ran a hand through his thick hair, giggling when your fingers got all tangled up in it. "hon, it's two in the afternoon."

he lifted his head real quick and pouted when he saw that jj wasn't included in the cuddle pile. "shit, did i miss jj going off to work?"

"mhm. don't worry, though, i got some food into him and made sure he was wearing his mask. also put the fear of god into him if he didn't wash his hands throughout the day."

john b breathed out a laugh as he imagined you yelling at jj to stay safe at work. almost a year into the pandemic, and jj and john b had spent the whole time quaranting in the chateau to the best of their ability. it had been months since they had seen kie or pope in person for longer than a few minutes, and usually that was only when john b pulled up to the wreck to pick up delivery orders or when jj and john b helped pope's dad with grocery deliveries. at the beginning of everything, you had been spending quarantine with your boys since school was all online and your parents' restaurant was closed. a month or so in, however, regulations had been lifted and the people of figure eight all but demanded for them to reopen, and so you went back home to help your parents with the restaurant and to keep jj and john b safe from anything you could have possibly brought back to them.

you had practically locked them in the chateau, leaving them threatening voicemails if they even thought about going out, but as two months turned into three turned into four turned into five, you realized that the boys needed their jobs as there seemed no end in sight to the pandemic. so jj returned to his job at the country club, and john b got a job busing tables at your family's restaurant. you moved back in to quarantine with them as school started, and you spent practically your whole savings on getting a backup generator and high speed wifi for the chateau so if anything happened, you all would be good. and, despite living through a worldwide panda express, you were quite happy.

beside you, john b shifted his head to rest on your lap so he could see what you were watching on your laptop that had you laughing so hard. a smile grew on his face when he saw the puppies running around on the "football field" and jumping all over the "ref." he looked up at you and felt his chest blossom with warmth at the way you smiled at the puppies and giggled when they flopped over.

"did you really wake me up watching the puppy bowl?"

"hush up," you laughed, "it's a tradition, and you know it. 'sides, you can't tell me you aren't enjoying this as much as i am. i've seen how you and jj get with dogs. y'all may love them more than you love me."

"aw, honey, that's not true," john b cooed. "you know how much we love you. obviously i love you more since i didn't go to work during the puppy bowl, but you know, that's to be expected."

you shook your head and lightly swatted at his stomach. you knew he wasn't being serious. john b loved jj just as much as he loved you, and the feeling was mutual from jj. the three of you had a good thing going, a relationship full of understanding and compassion, and it had taken y'all a long time to get there. you all had things to work through, like jj's daddy issues, john b's abandonment issues, and your trauma from your previous relationship with rafe cameron, but you had gotten through it together, and this quarantine had actually brought y’all closer together which had surprised everyone.

“jj’s gonna be sad that he missed it,” you sighed.

“we’ll just rewatch it with him,” john b assured you. “and we can watch the old ones too.”

there was shuffling as the both of you wriggled around to get into a more comfortable position. at one point the two of you had to lunge to catch the laptop from falling to the floor, but eventually you settled in with john b curled around you and the blankets and pillows providing a sort of nest and elevated stand for the laptop. the room was filled with the soft sounds of puppy barks and whines, and your giggles when one of the dogs did something particularly cute, and john b let out a quiet sigh as he allowed himself to relax against you.

“i think we should get a dog,” you mumbled sleepily as john b clicked on last year’s broadcast. “we can add another cutie to our cuddle pile.”

there was some incoherent whining on your part before you dozed off in his arms. he did his best to focus on the puppies on the screen, but soon he too fell asleep with his face buried in the crook of your neck. that was how jj found you two when he stumbled into the room later that night as he yanked his tie from his neck. he stilled in the doorway, a soft smile pulling at his lips when he saw the two people he loved most in the world all snuggled up together. and then he saw what was pulled up on the laptop.

“oh you assholes!”

the both of you jolted awake, your hand smacking john b in the face as you moved to make sure the laptop wouldn’t fall off the bed. john b rubbed at his eyes and turned to blink up at jj.

“hey, how was work, babe?”

jj shook his head as you rolled over and made grabby hands, obviously asking for cuddles. he put his hands on his hips and frowned down at the pair of you.

“i cannot believe y’all are watching the puppy bowl without me.”

“um... in my defense,” john b started, “they were already watching when i woke up.”

“dude!” you turned your head to scowl at your boyfriend. “jj, baby, come cuddle with us, and we can turn it back on.”

as he kicked his shoes off and rifled around the dresser for comfy clothes, jj shook his head. john b let out a laugh when he realized what he was getting at.

“no can do, babe,” jj told you, smirking at john b as he let his work shirt slide off his shoulders. “the superbowl starts soon, and we’re watching it.”

you fell back on the bed and let out a loud groan. you had been hoping the boys would be too tired to watch the football game. you lifted yourself up on your elbows and glared at the two of them.

“i am legitimately only watching your stupid sportsball for the weeknd. after that i will be passing the fuck out.”

jj laughed and wrapped his arms around you as he flopped down between you and john b. you couldn’t keep your glare on your face when you felt your cheek hit his bare chest. you had missed him all day. there were a few laughs and giggled--and a couples groans of pain--as the three of you got all comfortable on the queen sized bed. finally you and john b sandwiched jj, john b spooning the blonde boy as you nestled in within the warmth of jj’s arms.

“don’t he kiss his kid on the mouth?” you mumbled as one of the players ran out on the field.

a wheeze left jj’s chest as john b shouted his laugh out, causing you to smirk. you had absolutely no clue as to what was happening in the game, or even had any idea as to who the teams were, because like you told the boys, you were only watching for the weeknd concert, and you were getting more and more anxious waiting for it.

“wait, i thought both teams were supposed to be good. why does one team already have like three touchdowns and the other doesn’t have any?”

“honey,” john b said, attempting to hold in his laugh, “just watch and enjoy the game.”

you rolled your eyes, making jj smile fondly. “hon, how am i supposed to enjoy a game i don’t even understand?”

“do you want us to explain?” jj offered sweetly.

“absolutely not. i appreciate it, baby, but i’m too pretty for that.”

jj snickered and pressed a kiss into your hair. “of course you are, babe.”

you nuzzled your nose against his collarbone and tugged your hand from between the boys to gently scratch at john b’s scalp. a hum rumbled deep within the brunette’s chest at the action.

“i love y’all,” you whispered into jj’s skin. “even if y’all make me watch football.”

“well we love you too,” jj returned with a kiss to your cheek and john b’s arm.

“even if you make us watch the weeknd,” john b teased.

“hey! you better appreciate abel or i swear i’m moving out!”

taglist (ahaha heyyy it’s been a while so tell me if y’all want to be removed): @damndunner @scandalousfemale @shawnssongs @kikifromtheblock @write-from-the-heart @kurtsconner @thatjohnd @abbiesthings @heavenlymama @strangerthanfiction713 @alexis-marrt022 @brithedemonspawn @obxsummer

#outer banks #outer banks netflix #outer banks imagine #outer banks x reader #john b routledge #john b x reader #john b routledge x reader #john b #obx netflix #sarah obx #obx imagine #obx x reader #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #john b x jj #john b routledge x jj #jj x john b x reader

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calypsoff · 3 years

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Ninety. Part 3

Everyone pretty much left the hospital besides Mel, stroking my chin hair looking over at Robyn and Mel just whispering together, they look so deep in conversation, and I wonder what they speaking on, I am nosey so I would like to know. Mel looked over at me and looked away quickly, so it makes me think are they speaking on me and then Robyn looked so now it’s official that they are. Looking back at my daughter, I hate this so much, I’ve not even really cared about anything. Besides chasing after Robyn like a dog but I generally not cared about shit else, I just want my daughter to be better and to be just staring into my eyes, probably judging me thinking why did I fuck up because we had to stay with Mel, I am an idiot. Rubbing the top of my head “I shall leave you both to it, don’t murder each other now” Mel said laughing “he’s sleeping on the chair anyways, we good” Robyn slowly made her way to us with her arms crossed, she thinks that “sure Robyn, but thanks. For coming also and caring so much” Mel smiled at me “that is fine, y’all my family anyways. Bye, I hope to see my niece awake and lively” we can all hope that, my whole heart just on that bed “bye” sitting back on the chair “thank you for coming” Mel and Robyn hugged “lesbians are at it again” I mumbled “jealousy is ugly Chris” Mel spat “he is ugly” Robyn added, them two are terrible together “two ugly sisters” they both laughed as they finished off just hugging and whatever, now watch Robyn she’s going to be all over me like a bad smell but if I touch her it’s a no. Not complaining actually because she’s a feign, I can sense it. Looking over at Robyn “I don’t see what you are smirking at” Robyn sat next to me “here we are, alone in this room” watching Robyn sit down “and I’m hungry” she turned to me “that’s life?” Man Robyn is so damn beautiful, I am too damn lucky in life to have her “get me some food, if you get it right you can” she dragged out, oh she got my attention. Robyn is actually very close to me “touch any part of my body, using your lips. Just a kiss but you need to get food I want, it’s easy really” she shrugged, I am not even waiting I am gone. I got up from the chair, Robyn snorted laughing, I am whipped.

I don’t know what game Robyn is playing but it’s got me by the neck like a dog anyways, Robyn is not dumb because she knows I will be here at Giorgio Baldi “thank you brother” the waiter came over to the car with the food “no payment, it’s on us. We are so sorry about your daughter, we hope she gets better” they are really refusing to take payments from me but it’s nice of them “thank you” I smiled, placing the bag on the front seat “oh my god, Chris. Can we take a picture with you?” Some females came over to the car “really?” I laughed “yeah, if you want” I never understand why these people want pictures with me, leaning my head out of the car “you are so sexy” she turned the camera to us “that’s a recording” I pointed licking my lips “oh yeah sorry” she said, then stopped recording to change it to picture. Putting two fingers up as she took the picture of us “thank and me next” this is painful “there is no Rihanna here” they are looking into the car searching for her of course, smiling as the next girl took the picture “you are actually so fine, thank you” saluting her as she walked off, this puts my confidence so high. Like I am just that nigga, nobody can really tell me anything because I am just that nigga. Putting the car window up as I got ready to drive off and give this food to Robyn, she’s going to let me do anything so I can’t wait for this, talking about kiss her anywhere, nasty ass knows I am going to be nasty on her, I can’t help it.

Walking into the room, Robyn is still sat next to the bed with Rylee “daddy’s home” closing the door behind me, Robyn got up from the chair “so” turning to me “oh wow, Giorgio Baldi? But I really wanted chicken?” She cringed, mean mugging her “deadass, don’t play in my face like that” Robyn pulled a face “nah, don’t want it” she waved me off, I am about to blow because this is ridiculous. She loves this shit “don’t play in my face Robyn!” I spat, she shushed me “I want chicken, I don’t want it. Stop being abrupt” I am going to have a tantrum right this second, I can’t even. This is so unfair “I am joking with you, looking like you’re going to blow” she giggled “thank you boo” she took the bag from me “but was I right?” I questioned “of course you were right Chris, come on now” watching her walk off, oh I can’t wait to play this little game she started “was she good?” I pointed at Rylee “yeah, just watching her little flinches she does when she is asleep, changed her diaper. I just miss her interacting with me so badly, pains me. But come, let’s eat” making my way over to Robyn, as long as Robyn is happy so am I “win win situation here, you got my favourite food and you’re able to touch me, just for a moment” I sat down laughing “how long for?” Robyn sat across from me, her eyes her so flirty, I don’t know “how long is a kiss for?” I shrugged “can be a long time?” She shook her head “a kiss! That is a whole passionate kiss, we ain’t on that level, right?” She is sneaky “I should have heard the terms and conditions before anything, man. I’ve been played!” I am so dumb; I just ran off.

I actually enjoyed that wack ass pasta food she likes “oh yeah, they gave it for free. They said they are upset to hear about Rylee, they hope she gets better” Robyn cooed out “they are so sweet, I’ve closed my doors right now. On the outside, it’s about me and my family. I need that to be better before I proceed with that, you know” she shrugged as she ate, it’s like she is eating for two, I mean she’s eating my leftovers too “what was you and Mel speaking about? I know it’s not my place but you both looked at me and I felt a type of way” Robyn chuckled “erm, she was really telling me that to be strong, Rylee will get better. She is a fighter and Dolly is looking over her. That she hopes this is what makes you both see what is the main focus, and then she asked if you were ok and how we both getting on. Just that and I said that we need to look forward for Rylee and then we can work on us while that is happening, she just wants me to be ok. She knows I can get depressed so that is why she asked” licking my bottom lip nodding my head, I believe Robyn and what she said. I did think that they were being sly, but Robyn was straight up about it “cool, I was just thinking that you was both being sly, that is all” Robyn smirked “and if we was, what you going to do nigga?” rolling my eyes at her “don’t play in my face so you happy yeah? Content” staring at her lips “I am thank you” I want her so bad, it’s so bad “sleeping naked tonight?” Robyn crossed her leg over “I am sleeping how I want in the bed; I don’t know about you. As a man you should say you have the bed alone, I will sleep elsewhere” waving her hand about “sat there like you holding wine, if you don’t quit playing. I will be in the bed ma, you can’t stop me” Robyn giggled “shut up, I am missing wine with my food” I can tell she is.

I gave Robyn time and space to just get ready for bed, I think she has had enough time now. I just sat with Rylee “I love you so much pookie, you get your rest” leaning over, pressing kisses to her forehead “love you” pressing another kiss before moving back, I wish the bed was closer but of course it can’t be. Making my way to the room, the door is open of course “we leaving this open” I said, Robyn is already in bed with her hair wrapped “that is my tee for tomorrow!? I bought one tee, are you serious” Robyn biting on her nail smiling, she shrugged “I think you need to leave me alone; I sleep inside the covers you sleep out. Divorced parents don’t sleep together” she is terrible “I swear” I dragged out “swear what” annoying ass “so can I kiss whatever? I was right” she crazy if she thinks I ain’t going to do it “fine” she sighed out, licking my lips walking around the bed “this bed is small by the way” I just realised “Chris, please don’t” she pleaded knowing damn well I am “Chris!” she screamed out, I yanked her leg to me and bringing her foot to me “please” she pleaded “I haven’t had a shower” tilting my head to see her panties, Robyn yanked the tee down “hurry up” pressing a kiss to her big toe “you are something else” she shook her head, placing my mouth over her big toe “Chris!” she yelped yanking her foot back, I laughed walking off.

Stretching my body out, my arm under the pillow as I laid onto my side. Robyn is awake, as I knew “glad you put sweatpants on, nobody needs to see your ass in boxes now” Robyn is a hater “you know I was joking about you sleeping outside of the covers” look at her, now she is joking “oh now it’s a joke?” I questioned “well I didn’t mean it, you can sleep in the covers. I am actually so happy to be in a bed, those chairs were breaking my back” my smile grew “you know what I mean, shut up” I didn’t even need to say anything, she is the one laughing “you’re laughing too, the hell” she lightly hit my shoulder “aight, I mean you should be used to that” I said it, she was waiting for that “see, I knew you going to say that” resting my head back on the pillow “show the six pack then?” Robyn asked, moving back a little. Touching my stomach “what you think?” she is staring at me mad hard “how, what do you do that you end up like this?” moving back into my position “using all my upper body strength to move around, it’s hard you know. Like you think the bathroom was a mess on purpose, like ok I could have done better but I struggled. So yeah, that is why really” I shrugged “true, but you still need to clean that. On a real what did you do? Like let’s be real, I know what a tour bus is like, I have spent a lot of time in those. Where did you sleep, spending hours on there” she is really stuck on that “yeah I know, its very intimate. I noticed that, but truthfully there was two buses, I was on the one with the Jewish man. I get annoyed after a while, because there was no privacy, so I was not liking it” I admitted “you mean to tell me you didn’t like it? But you lasted” nodding my head “I was determined but it was like boring, go to the city, sat around, watch his show, sat around, leave. I was like this is wack, then you were here and there having so much fun, I was jealous of you. So I had to look like I was having fun” Robyn and I pointed at each other and then laughed “you are stubborn” she can talk “be quiet, you’re the same but yeah it was wack” shaking my head “but there were girls there, big tits and ass?” I chuckled “you right, there was. And yes they came up to me, but I wasn’t interested, actually one of them did say you’re married to Rihanna, you’re so lucky and stuff but I really wasn’t interested, you’re my type” I grinned “me?” Robyn pointed to herself “yeah, you’re my type. It’s crazy how you have been beautiful your whole life” Robyn snorted “nigga” she shuffled up on the bed.

“Actually, erm. It’s funny because I had well have so many men in my inbox thinking I was getting a divorce, even when I was working and I met people on the god, I was getting offers” pulling a face “but do they know your sleep with your mouth open? That you take in all the air” Robyn back handed my arm “shut up” she is always abusing me “let’s be nice, let’s talk about nice things. I have a question; do you regret getting married to me or is there something you would change?” Robyn paused, she did mention it, so this is interesting to know or hear on what she thinks because she mentioned it “regret is a big word, I think I would like to explore the Chris that came out of jail. I based my feelings and likes and what I know on what I knew of you, and I blindsided myself so I didn’t have that clear vision so I feel I should have waited it out, so I figured out what makes you tick and makes you be the way you are. I should have waited but I don’t regret marrying you, there is nothing we can never not overcome unless you cheated” nodding my head “how does that make you feel?” she questioned back “it’s not good, it’s not good to hear anyways because to me I would marry you in a heartbeat you know?” Robyn nodded her head “but that’s because I am still Robyn, I treat you as I did back then, I mean yeah I have Rihanna, the other side but I don’t bring that to you” she has a point “you’re still my poppa, just a pain in the ass” I laughed a little, I just hate that she feels that way with me.

#chrianna #chriannaff #chrianna ff #chrianna fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction

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isoscele · 3 years

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Lumberjanes Week Day 1 - First Day of Summer

(This is longer, weirder, and later than I wanted it to be, but isn’t that the spirit of the week?)

--------- Jo’s last exam is electrical engineering, and she finishes twenty minutes early. Dr. Quispe winks at her as she turns it in, and Jo tries to smile. The constant fog of formulae and diagrams dissipates from her head, replaced by a more all-consuming calculation.

One hour, six minutes to go.

She drops by her room, picks up the single backpack sitting on the bare mattress. On her way out, Gabi pops out of the lounge. “All done?”

Jo’s smile softens, takes on something real. “Yup. You?”

“I still have an essay, but I’ll probably do it at home. Got any big summer plans?”

“Kind of.” She shifts her backpack higher on her shoulders, silently debating how much to say. “I’m going camping with some friends.”

“Oh, cool,” Gabi says. “I wouldn’t’ve pegged you as an outdoorsy type, Jo.”

“Oh, you know.” Something under her skin humming, some outdated circuitry splitting into life. Forty-nine minutes. “In certain circumstances.”

Gabi giggles. As is the case with every one of their sporadic interactions, Jo wonders if they’re flirting. “Have fun! Don’t get eaten by a bear!”

She swans back toward her laptop and empty M&M packet. If she’d looked back for just a moment, she might have wondered what she had said to make Jo look so devastated.

---------

Mal has a pickup truck. It’s disgusting, with a windshield wiper that sounds like a dying macaw and a clutch that, for two heart-stopping seconds at the beginning of each gear shift, refuses to move at all. Mal has always defended it with a vigor previously only saved for her best friends and favorite bands.

Jo slides into the passenger seat. The radio is blasting heavy metal and the interior smells shockingly of mayonnaise; she has to blink hard to hold back her tears. There are some things that are so beautiful, so precious that it’s impossible to look at them head-on. Jo always forgets, when she’s away.

“You’re in the bus lane,” she tells Mal.

Mal obligingly starts the very long process of getting her car to move. “I thought the idea behind going to fancy science school with adults was that bus lanes were no longer necessary. Also, it’s fucking amazing to see you.”

“The buses shuttle students around campus. Also, I’m delighted that you’re here and I want to give you a hug.”

“Motion passed,” Mal says, and they squeeze awkwardly over the two melted Frosties in the cupholders.

The car jolts into first gear hard enough to throw Jo into the seatbelt, and then suddenly she’s laughing so hard she has to hold her sides to keep herself from spilling over.

“Sorry!” Mal says, “sorry, she’s jumpy around strangers,” which is what she says every summer. It’s a terrible joke laced with an irrefutable affection, and it’s so Mal that it makes Jo laugh even harder.

“We’re not strangers,” Jo says. She pats the center console, feels a little of the polyester flake off on her hand. “Me and this truck go way back.”

“Well, let’s hope you and this truck go way forward, too,” Mal says, “because I’m really not sure the engine’s going to last us to California.”

---------

They pull into the trailhead at around six the next morning, and make silent work of the luggage in the back. The sun’s just starting to come up, blinking warily between the table pines. Mal waves her on, and Jo sets off along the winding path.

The first year or two, they mostly stuck to campgrounds and RV parks, warming hot chocolate on the camp stove despite persistent, obnoxious heat. Jo didn’t think much of it at the time, but now she knows that Molly was trying not to inconvenience them, trying to keep them to the shallows of the forests. Trying to keep anyone from going too far, getting too stuck.

The fact that they were instructed to bring backpacking gear this year doesn’t do much to assuage the constant thread of worry in the back of her mind. This isn’t something they can dip their toes in anymore; the world is always a more dire place than they left it last summer.

The hike is long and treacherous. They go off the trail almost immediately, but neither of them need a map. It sounds cliche to say that they’re following something else, but they are. The anxious chitter of the birds and the sun balking at the edges of the trees and the distant hush of a river form a clear topography in their minds. They walk without discussion, taking each turn as naturally as if they had always lived here.

Around mile seven, they start to hear voices. Mal breaks into a run, and Jo comes crashing after her.

They knock straight into April, who catches both of them with practiced ease. For a moment, the air splits with three different calls of incomprehensible joy, and then they’re lowering themselves to the moss as a single, complex organism.

“Holy Felicia Flames, you guys look great!” April hollers.

“I have so much to tell you,” Mal says.

“Are you trying to set the forest on fire?” Jo asks, wandering over to where April has piled an impressive set of branches and old newspaper. She must have packed most of it in herself; the trees around here don’t look like that.

“Might make our job easier,” April says, and then a grim silence falls over the clearing.

I’m going camping with some friends, Jo had said, as if it was just camping, as if they were just friends. As if Jo’s relationship with these people, the things they had to do together, could be described in such a mundane and immaterial way. As if Jo won’t sit at the fire with them tonight, watching the way the sparks clear the shadows around their eyes, and love them with everything she has in her. As if she won’t hate them, too, for making her come here.

Here they are, in the annual half-second when they don’t know what to say to each other. The moment when the summer teeters, still soft and blameless, on the edge of something sharper.

But then April asks Mal how the band’s doing, and the moment passes.

“I wish I’d thought to bring pictures,” Mal says. “We played at this amazing venue last January--there was this skylight, and it was pouring rain, and people just kept coming in because it was so miserable outside.”

“Aw, that’s great,” April says. “I’d love to come someday, but y’all sell out so fast!”

Mal scratches the back of her neck, looking embarrassed. “Yeah, sometimes.”

“What are we talking about?” Ripley half-shouts. Jo yelps, and then that turns into more laughter, which turns into an incredible group hug. For someone who carries no fewer than three kazoos on her person at all times, Ripley can be surprisingly stealthy when she wants to. Jo never hears her approaching anymore; first, there’s nothing, and then there’s Ripley.

April hugs Ripley so hard she lifts her off the ground. Ripley immediately starts listing all the weird birds she’s seen this year and asking April to cross-reference them with her encyclopedia of creatures.

And then, of course, there are four.

Jo drifts half a step closer to Mal and extends her hand. Without tearing her gaze from the blot of trees, Mal takes it.

Last year, Molly had been sort of--sick. They’d been camping on a bauld where eagles circled high overhead and the flowers were all this terrible saffron yellow, bent under the shadow of the rocks. Molly had walked with a stick, like the Bear Woman--like Nellie used to use, thick and gnarled. But she said that was temporary, just because of a bad fall, and no one talked about how her freckles had almost overtaken the white of her hands, how her eyes were spotted with yellow and seemed to constantly rove towards the sky.

No one had mentioned much of anything, because the year before that they had buried Nellie in the soft earth beside the lake and they had all tacitly agreed not to talk about it. Maybe that’s what growing up is like--finding more and more things that no one is willing to say. Holding a grief in you that sometimes feels so bright and all-consuming that it can’t possibly be real.

“She’ll be okay,” Jo says, quiet so as not to kill April and Ripley’s buzz. “The forest loves her.”

But that’s a cold comfort, because they have all spent the same six summers learning that the forest’s love can be the most terrifying force in the world.

---------

It doesn’t take long at all before a familiar sound comes rolling in from the mountain. It’s a sound like dinosaurs, like goliaths, like the world collapsing in on itself.

It’s a sound that heralds the approach of Bubbles, who these days is about the size of a house.

I don’t know! Molly had said, laughing, the first time they had seen him again. I guess he was just a baby when we met him. I’ve been feeding him a lot of peanut butter lately, maybe that’s it.

Bubbles crashes through the trees, chittering so loud that it sounds like the laughter of a god. On his back, perched awkwardly against the scruff of his neck, sits Molly.

She does look okay. Their home hasn’t killed her yet.

There’s a little more white in her hair, a little more curl to her fingernails. But she’s smiling so wide it’s almost like they’re just here to catch up, like just for today they can afford to be a group of friends and nothing else.

Later, of course, will come the campfire, and the birds falling silent, and even the cicadas forgetting to cry, and they will map out another fraction of the world. They’ll find another dozen stone men, sleeping still enough to be dead. They’ll find perhaps hundreds of potential apocalypses, and they’ll spend the month eating little and sleeping less, preventing the end of the world again and again and again until they can’t even remember what they’re saving.

But right now, Molly slides down Bubbles’ side and yells “Guys!” and the summer bursts into being.

#lumberjanes week #lumberjanes #my writing #sorry about the weird formatting this website is a genuinely terrible place to publish writing

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fandomsilhouette · 4 years

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how they glitter in the sky

There’s only so much emotion anyone can fit in their bodies before they burst or spill or fall apart, dissolve in a flood of feelings they can’t control. Felix refuses to lose himself to his traitorous heart: at eight years old, he’s too old to miss his mama the way that he does. Too bad he can’t help it.

He climbs onto the bus with a scowl and a friend he doesn’t want, and the wheels of the bus spin forward. Luckily for Felix, do the wheels of fate and time.

Happy @felixmonth, y’all!

The biggest travesty of the day was that it was sunny. Where was the rain when he needed it?! Maybe then the buses would’ve been late, or canceled if the rain was bad enough, and he wouldn’t be forced to go to this stupid summer camp, like some sort of recalcitrant child. Which he wasn’t, obviously.

If Felix was being honest, the real travesty was the way his mama drove off after dropping him off at the curb, like saying a proper goodbye the way the parents were doing would be wasted on him. The real travesty was the way he stood off to the side with bags he could barely wield and no one to hug before leaving for the whole summer, only to start third grade immediately after coming back. The real travesty was moving from London a week ago and then immediately getting shipped off to summer camp like everything was okay and normal, like he wouldn’t miss London worse when he didn’t even have his mama to make him feel like home.

Fine. Whatever. Felix could sulk just fine in the sun, anyways.

Felix clambered onto the sturdier of his two bags and settled in for a good pout, finding a comfortable scowl and slouching in that sweet, satisfying kind of way. It almost made him feel okay about being there. This was comfortable, familiar. Safe. A kind of uninterruptible alone that he could handle.

“Hi!!! I’m Marinette, what’s your name?!”

Felix almost fell off his luggage.

Specifically, he tilted back, windmilling his arms wildly and kicking his feet out in an attempt to stay upright before this girl all decked out in pink grabbed his hand and pulled him forward. Felix wanted to be angry at that too, the way she handled his weight so effortlessly, and for a moment he started wrestling his anger into submission before realizing his mama wasn’t around to stop him. So instead he leaned into the anger, deepening his scowl, glaring at the girl instead of answering.

“Um, I’m… this is my first year at camp! I’m… I don’t know anyone else going, so… do you want to be friends? You seem new to the area, I’ve never seen you before! Did you just move here? Where’d you move from? Moving seems pretty cool. I’d like to see the world, y’know? Um. Sorry, what’s your name again?”

“No.” Felix was almost excited to try out the new growl-grumble combo he’d been practicing. It seemed to be less effective than he had hoped, though. All he got was wide eyes and a barely-there flinch before this Marinette girl barrelled on.

“Um, no? What do you mean no?”

“I don’t want to be your friend.”

“...oh.” She managed to pause for a whole second, which Felix found impressive at this point. “Do you… still want to sit together? We don’t have to be friends if you don’t want. We can just sit together! I’ll even be quiet, I promise.” At that, she grinned widely, enough for Felix to see her gap teeth. In a valiant attempt to avoid getting flustered, he grabbed his bags and pushed past her.

Or rather, tried to. He’d forgotten how unwieldy they were and his mama wasn’t around to help anymore. Crud! His dramatic exit was ruined.

...oh no. Worse, it was co-opted!! Marinette had grabbed one of his bags (the bigger one, he noted), and was deftly maneuvering it behind him like it was no trouble. She grinned at him again, softer this time but no less genuine, almost shy with the way she ducked behind her bangs.

Right when Felix was contemplating smiling back (or at least dropping his scowl), a cheery counselor bounced up in front of the group of kids clustered around their parents’ legs and started calling names. Apparently, seats were assigned. Of course they were. And of course Felix was stuck in the back, right next to this girl.

“Looks like we ended up sitting together anyways! That’s a pretty funny coincidence, huh! I’m sorry if I’ve been talking too much. You seem like a pretty quiet person, so maybe we can just sit here together and watch the scenery?” Felix wasn’t the brightest at reading emotion, but even he could tell that her smile was getting strained, like holding it up without any support was starting to weigh on her. He wanted to feel bad, or to apologize, but he was so tired. Felix was so done with feeling guilty, and apologizing, and trying to shove his anger into a box to keep himself public-appropriate. No one here was going to tell him he had to be good. No one here could. If his mama didn’t care enough to stick around long enough to tell him how to behave, no one else did, and no one else could make him.

So instead he darkened his glare and crossed his arms, and let all the rage from the last few months bleed into his scowl.

“I don’t want to do anything with you.”

Marinette flinched back, smile slipping off her features. Felix could see her heart sinking in her eyes and resolutely pushed any residual guilt away.

He refused to acknowledge the part of him hoping desperately that she’d keep trying anyways. He refused to acknowledge the dagger in his gut when she didn’t.

She turned away from him to face the window, pulling her legs up onto the seat and curling them under her dress, with just the tips of her stockings peeking out from the skirt of her dress. She watched the city lights glitter on the horizon as they drove further away, watched sunlight filter through treetops and catch on pollen like fairies dancing as the forest got thicker. She didn’t look back at him the whole bus ride there.

Halfway through the trip, the effort of keeping his anger alive finally chewed through the little energy Felix had left and he nodded off. It wasn’t until the bus slowed and the chatter of children rose to a raucous roar that he blinked awake and realized what had happened.

He had fallen asleep on her shoulder.

...and she hadn’t said a word.

Felix hated to admit it but it was the best sleep he’d gotten since he first learned about the move. It felt like the rest was a balm over his anger and pain and hurt, like he was finally able to let it all go and exist in the world around him for once instead of being lashed against the walls of his own mind.

Noticing that he was awake, Marinette slipped off the seat and made her way to the front of the bus, pausing when he hadn’t even moved yet.

“...it’s fine if you don’t want to be my friend, Felix. I’m sorry I pushed you so much. I just… thought it would be… nice. For once…” She trailed off, and then shook herself back to her train of thought. “For what it’s worth, if you still want, I’m happy to be your friend whenever you’re ready. If you ever want to be, I mean.”

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chemiste · 4 years

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Foresight ~ ch. 9

a/n : cool cool, heres ch 9, ALSO i will be posting y/n’s assignment when it’s all finished so that’ll be a couple chapters later, that’s why you’re not seeing certain pics rn. love y’all, please talk to me if you want id love to hear what y’all have to say, any thoughts theories about the story? whats going on in your life? tell meeeeeeeeee!!!!!

mah masterlist

“Guys, we’ve got a problem.”

Mitch said from the main section of the tour bus. You had been trying to get a few more hours asleep, but the soft rumble of the tour bus was changed to screams from outside the bus.

You moved your curtain back and stepped out into the bedroom compartment, rubbing the sleep from your eye.

“What is that…”

The words died on your tongue as you looked through the blackout veils in the living room. It was crazy. It was like all of Denmark was there, crowding around the Royal Arena, excitedly anticipating Harry’s arrival.

“So this is what 10,000 people looks like huh.”

You said, still a bit gobsmacked. You looked around at who was in the main compartment and saw Harry sitting on the left couch.

You plopped down beside him and threw your legs up onto the remaining part of the couch, leaning arm again his chest. With his right hand, the poster had been scrolling through Instagram, looking at all the postings from fans for tonight.

On the other couch, Jeff was on a call chatting with someone about the new people barrier they’d need to get through.

He ended the call, “The good news is our other buses were able to get here early enough and unload in the back before the crowd started. The problem now is getting us through the crowd, I called ahead and we’re gonna turn around and take an SUV in to try and be more inconspicuous. Everyone, what you need for the show cause we wont be able to get back to the tour bus till afterwards.”

The group complied and went into the back rooms as the tour bus exited the Arena parking, heading to the secret location where you all would switch vehicles for attempt number two.

You straighten your duvet out, having not pulled out anything during the drive so you didn’t have anything to pack. You glanced over to Harry who was shoving a stray piece of paper that had scribbles all over them into a journal that seemed overstuffed. “

Are those lyrics?” You asked, slinging your backpack onto your shoulder. His eyes looked up at you briefly and then he nodded.

“Yeah, uh, just writin’ whenever I can yeh know?”

You put your shoes back on and headed into the living compartment.

“Alright everyone off and into the SUV pronto so any fans that decided to follow the tour bus don’t intercept our exit.”

Jeff said, taking the keys from the rental man who handed them to him.

You all piled into the SUV, you and Clare in the very back, then Hélène, Harry squished in the middle, Sarah, and then Mitch with Jeff in the front.

“I’m a big boy why I’m I the one sitting ‘ere in the middle!”

He whined as the SUV pulled out onto the road, making his knees hit the console.

You laughed and pulled out your phone for a quick picture, but you weren’t fast enough as Harry snatched your mobile device out of your hand.

“Hey! Give that back you, thief!”

“Nope! I think we need som’ pictures of you know junebug,” the poster cackled, turning the flash on and leaning into Sarah’s lap to take a bunch of snaps of you crawling from the backseats.

You groaned and put your hand up to block the flash dots that had been clouding your eyes.

“Come on! Do better than that Y/N!”

He teased, you responded by changing you hand briefly to flip him off and then to a rocker hand sign. Satisfied, the boy handed you your phone back, that stupid smirk donned on his face.

Cute stupid smirk…

Huh? Psh, yeah whatever.

“Okay crouch everyone, we’re pulling in.”

Jeff called as he pulled into the Arena parking lot again. You watched as the SUV got through easier than last time. You could see from your crouched position some of the fans lined up, or walking together to the doors.

Some were holding signs, others had matching t-shirts. They all seemed so elated to be here, and it made you proud of Harry.

You looked up and saw Harry doing what you had been, watching his fans. A small smile grew on his face and you could see how truly appreciative he was of his fans.

Finally the SUV got to the back gate where the other tour buses had been stationed, Jeff rolled down his window and gave the man at the booth his pass. After it had been approved, the gate opened and allowed the SUV in, closing immediately as some fans tried to slip through but to no avail.

“One more time everyone, 3, 2, 1.”

The beats for Carolina started to play, and the band started up again, Harry standing in the middle of the stage still in sweats, hanging not changed yet.

It had been a few hours since they were able to get and now were just adjusting a few things for the performance like always.

You were sitting on the stage off to the side, laptop in lap. Those assignments didn’t do themselves. You were going through your photos, trying to see if any recent pictures matched some of the words you needed for your last assignment.

After that you head back to the dressing room, having time to kill as the band gets dressed and pampered. You decide to check in with Maggie and give her an update.

It was March 30th now, you were in Barcelona sprinting through the aisles as Harry performed Kiwi.

The concerts had been going well, Norway and Germany were beautiful but it all went by so fast that your memories seemed blurry.

But you remembered your off day yesterday with crystal-like perspective.

“Harry, look at this field oh my god have you seen anything more beautiful!?!”

You and Harry had taken the day off to find something of nature since the only thing y’all had been around the previous week were cement walls.

The both of you stumbled along a lovely meadow in a hill dip about an hour away from Barcelona, where he would be performing tomorrow night. The grass was tall and vivacious, little purple and pink flowers sprang up in between the stems.

H turned to you with a smile that resembled a kid on Christmas Day. He looked absolutely soft and sweet, wearing that blue and white striped hoodie. You matched him slightly, wearing a white sweater and blue skirt complemented by thigh-high boots to keep your legs warm.

“Woohoo!”

He yelled as he ran straight into the flowery abyss and flopped into the ground. You trotted over to him, laughing and snapping photos of the hill line and the fluffy white clouds.

He giggled and you looked down to the boy underneath you. You took a picture of him and smiled.

Scanning back through the photos on the small screen, you think if you’d been a least a foot farther from him you wouldn’t have heard what he said quietly.

“You’re very pretty yeh know.”

You snapped up to look at him, a bit surprised from the compliment.

“Oh, thank you. You are too.”

He crinkled his nose at your response, groaning and then sitting up enough to wrap an arm around your was it and drag you down to his level.

“Harry!”

You scream, sorta laughing as your fall was buffered by the flower bed. The sky was lovely, a bright blue. Clouds were scattered around and the wind slightly pickup, making you shiver.

“Come ‘ere.”

He said softly, pulling you rest your head don his chest. You held your camera up to his face, showing him a picture.

“This one is gonna be for ‘silly’.” You said.

“It’s perfect.”

You thought so too.

A cheer shook you out of your trip down memory lane.

Right, the concert.

You gripped you camera in your hand and scanned the stage to find the boy you were suppose to be taking shots over.

Or off of…

Stop it Y/N!

He looked good, decked out in the black and white patterned suit.

“ ‘ve ripped man trousers!” You heard him say with a laugh.

You rolled your eyes, this boy. After a few more songs, he starts up Anna and you laugh. Oh this song.

You’re taking photos, bopping slightly to it, hey it’s a catchy song!

But then he turns to you and gives you a smile.

Oh no.

The lights shining off his suit and hair make him seem like he’s sparkling, and that smile just made your heart stop.

It’s like you’re fully seeing him in a different light and it’s breathtaking.

Oh, fuck, maybe I do like him.

You’re pacing in your hotel room.

Slightly freaking out.

“I like him! I can’t believe it, Maggie was right I’ve got a stupid crush! I can’t— this, how?”

You talk to yourself, trying to figure out when it all added up for you. The little touches, him saving you from the crowd that one time, sneaking out and touring Amsterdam, even the way you interacted with each other was different from the rest of the band.

“I’m—I’m totally overthinking this right? There’s no way…”

You’ve never felt this way before, the heart races when he smiles, the look he gives you after a laugh, when you hug or snuggle into him on the couch, how his cologne smells making you feel at home and loved.

You stopped pacing.

“Oh my god, am I in love with Harry Styles?!”

Yes, yes I am.

You turn, gobsmacked and flop onto your bed.

What am I gonna do…

You’re in the terminal in at 5am, waiting for the flight to Milan.

It’s dead quiet sans the occasional custodian worker of business group getting off an all-night flight.

You’re standing at a sunglass kiosk, trying on different pairs in the little round mirror set up. The band is across the wide walkway sitting on various chairs waiting for the flight.

Maybe or maybe not you’d been slightly avoiding Harry since the night of your little proclamation. During the Madrid show, you’d opted out of taking photos, instead going out to look around the city and maybe pick up enough stupid tourist gifts to make you forget.

Thankfully Harry didn’t seem to notice your sudden change in moods, unfortunately it meant he was coming over to you right now and you couldn’t stop it.

“Like any of the sunnies?”

He asked, grabbing a pair and popping them on and making a funny face at. You shrugged, not answering.

Oh great, now he seemed to have picked up on your inner turmoil when you didn’t speak, taking the glasses off and putting them back in their rightful place.

“You okay?”

He asked quietly, concern coating the edge of his words.

You nodded, pushing back some of you hair behind your ear and turning to the small mirror to look at your reflection.

“ ‘m just a bit tired.” You answered, hoping that would be enough for him.

He nodded, thinking for a moment then holding up his phone.

“Picture?”

You smiled, “H it’s 5am I don’t look the nicest for a picture right now”

“Oh come on Y/N you’re gorgeous any time of day.”

Not helping.

“Fine fine, but I don’t want to be seen.”

He opened the camera and pointed it into the mirror, “Okay then how are we gonna take this picture love?”

You wrapped you hands around his head to cover his eyes, “Like this goofball.”

He smiled, “You’re the goofball right now.”

After throwing up a peace sign with his spare hand, he snapped the picture and then checked to see if it was good.

“I like, ‘m gonna post it.”

You yawned and nodded to his statement.

Guess I wasn’t fully lying, I am pretty tired.

“H, we’re ready to go.”

Mitch called, you both grabbed your suitcases and rejoined the group, following the flight attendant into the small plane.

You were first in line down the aisle and quickly found a seat in the back of the plane, hoping Harry would opt to sit with someone else a few seats in front of you, after all there were only about 20 seats in the plane, hopefully he’d pick not pick the one right next to you.

I’ve got too much to think about, I might burst into flames if I have to smell his vanilla spice cologne for the next two hours.

“Mind if I sit here?”

Fuck.

“Yeah sure.”

He slid into the seat with ease, tucking his bag under the chair. You curled into the corner of your seat, trying to put a small bit of distance between you but not too much to make him worried.

Harry turned to look at you, propping his left elbow up on the squishy armrest between the two of you.

“I remember the first tour we did fo’ 1D, got ’t was hectic. Stupid, teenagers on the road wit’ too much money an’ not enough discipline. The first month was crazy, all of us high on the feelin’ of performing once we’d gotten over the stage fright, then immediately going t’ a new town, meetin all these people, ’t was a dream. But then a couple months later we could feel the toll, I don’t think I really realized how exhausted I was from touring until the last night where instead o' celebratin, I went to sleep right when we entered the hotel an’ didn’t wake up till 3pm the next day.”

Harry’s little heart spill didn’t help you too much with your dilemma, might’ve just made you fall for him even more, but you appreciated the fact that he was trying to let you know he knew the feeling.

“Thanks H.”

You mumbled, face squished into the headrest of your seat.

He patted his shoulder, “Come ‘ere, yeh can fall asleep on me.”

Your eyes widen, “Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m fine—“

“Nonsense, come on, you’ll wake up without a creak in yo’r neck yea?”

Fuck it.

“Alright.”

You scooched over and nestled into the British heart-throb, soaking in that damn vanilla cologne you’d sworn to avoid.

He laid his head on top of yours and you made yourself relax, cause you couldn’t deny it, it was pretty comfy like this with him.

Pretty comfy indeed.

During the concert, all you can think about while taking pictures is how the Styles boy might be sweeping you right off your feet.

The little dance moves he makes, so erotic but beautiful in the same way, like he’s in another room dancing on his own in the dark. The way he throws he head back during certain parts of a song, caught up in the moment—

She’s such a good girl,

“Be professional! You’re on job for gods sake,” You muttered to yourself, raising the camera again.

She feels so good,

But then you lower the camera again to watch as he rocked his hips with the beat, jaw-dropping at the sight. You looked up to his face as he turns, that was now looking at you.

He started to strut on the stage, slowing making his way to you, eye contact unwavering.

“I met her once and wrote a song about her

I wanna scream, yeah

I wanna shout it out

And I know she hears me now.”

Hold on, knows?!

He finally let his eyes drift back to the crowd, singing la la las with the rest of the band.

You on the other hand, were having a miniature heat attack.

The gesture was so raw, so real, too real. It’s like he was talking to your soul, reaching out to tell you—

Does this mean he likes me too?

telephone hour for this chapter!

mah masterlist

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erin-bo-berin · 5 years

Text

Darkest Storms & Brightest Rainbows (Part 2)

MASTERLIST

Part 1

Part 3

Hard Love (unofficial Part 4)

Since I couldn’t leave y’all hanging for too long, here is part 2 of my Spencer/Reader/Cat fic. This is where things kind of go in a different direction from the show, but I thought it would be a nice twist than what we know from the show. This takes place over about a year so that’s why there’s so many skips in time. But in this part, there’s some answered questions from the first part...only to be replaced with more unanswered questions and perhaps another cliffhanger. Happy reading!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Word Count: 4,168

Rating: G (some angst, some fluff)

Grief is a strange thing.

Some people grieve quietly, away from the public. Others, dive into work or another activity to keep their mind busy as they try to place that grief into something else. Occasionally, people skip grief and go straight to anger, questioning the world why they lost their loved one; but in most cases one grieves normally, keeping the person alive in their memories as the pain fades and becomes easier to live with.

But sometimes, grief can consume you. It can completely engulf your entire body, feeling like every cell of your being has been replaced with sorrow. The world doesn’t seem real as the only world you inhabit is the one inside you, filled with despair and sadness. No one could ever be able to describe it, no one could truly know how awful it feels.

You had never felt such a horrible feeling. At least not until now.

•

It was less than a week later that Spencer’s funeral was held. The amount of people that had shown up was astounding, not that you could blame them. Spencer truly was one of a kind; not only great at his work, but a wonderful person.

You couldn’t help but think the sea of black that surrounded his casket was a metaphor for your current emotional state. The world felt dulled by your pain.

With nowhere else to go, you were forced to stay at Spencer’s apartment, a blessing and a curse in one.

The dark green walls, the deep brown furniture, the living room filled with shelves and shelves of his books were both comforting and painful at the same time. You couldn’t help but notice just how quiet the entire place felt without him to fill the atmosphere with his knowledge and loving nature.

Almost immediately after the funeral, you took to staying in bed. The deep brown sheets still smelled like him and you didn’t want to leave. You just wanted to stay in this little bubble forever.

•

The scenery was filled with busy streets, people walking by on the sidewalk and cars and buses zooming past on the street.

He sat at an outdoor table of the small café, sipping his coffee, awaiting his company. It wasn’t long until he spotted her amongst the crowd of pedestrians, her long blonde ponytail swinging as she walked.

“Hey,” she sat down across from him.

“Coffee?” he offered.

“No thanks.”

She pulled out two manila envelopes, ready to get down to business.

“In here is the information you need to access both of your bank accounts. One here in Moscow, the other in St. Petersburg. Both have enough in them for you to be comfortable while you lay low.”

“Alright,” he took both envelopes and put them in his bag for safe keeping.

“Are you doing okay?”

“I’ll be fine. How is she?”

She blew out a breath, not sure she could tell him just how bad it was.

“Not good.”

“Promise me one thing, okay?”

“What’s that?” she asked.

“Take care of her while I’m gone. Please, JJ, that’s all I ask.”

She nodded, moving to stand.

“Be careful, Spence.”

•

It’d been only a month. 30 days since you’d heard the terrible words “Spencer’s gone”.

You couldn’t wrap your mind around the fact that he never made it off the operating table. The bullet had just been too hard to find, there was too much blood, he was crashing too fast.

At least that’s all you could remember being told by the doctors, the numerous members of the BAU and other people you couldn’t remember. It was like the entire experience had been wiped clean from your mind, only bits and pieces of memory flashing here and there.

Your mental health had taken a nosedive. You barely left bed because all you wanted to do was sleep. You ended up losing your job, but you didn’t have enough energy in you to even care.

You didn’t eat.

You barely managed to get out of bed for a shower. Somehow you stumbled to the shower maybe once a week and that was because your friends made you.

It had been a rotating crew of the team visiting you.

Mostly it was Penelope, Emily and JJ, but Rossi, Morgan and Tara stopped by a few times too.

Even Hotch showed up.

You could tell just how much your misery bothered him and he, like Morgan, spent his time trying to make things right rather than pay you visits.

Not that you cared all that much.

“We will catch her,” Emily said.

You sat in the middle of the bed, one of the brown sheets in your hand as you played with it, not looking up at your company that was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Spencer wouldn’t want this for you. He wouldn’t want to see you not able to leave bed, not being able to grieve properly,” she said gently.

“I don’t know what Spencer would want. Cause he’s not here, is he?!” Your lower lip trembled, tears threatening again.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized, brushing away the tears although it did no good since they were falling faster than you could wipe them away.

“It’s okay, I understand.” Emily pulled you into a hug, “We all miss him too.”

She let you cry until you felt completely drained of tears. With all the crying you’d done, you were amazed there were still tears left to shed.

“Have you eaten anything today?” She pulled back, looking at your face.

“I tried to eat some toast this morning, but I threw it up.”

“It’s probably because you haven’t eaten much,” Emily answered, “Do you want me to get you something? We could order a pizza?”

You shake your head, your stomach rolling at the thought of it.

“Thank you, but no.”

When Emily left ten minutes later, you crawled back into bed, shutting your eyes, willing sleep to come and rob you of your memories.

•

“We should tell her.”

“Garcia, no. You know that Hotch advised against it,” Morgan said.

“But she’s miserable,” Emily added.

“Guys, Spencer made us promise we wouldn’t tell her. It’s safer that way. If she knows he’s alive, Cat could come after her to get to him. That’s the last thing he wants,” JJ said.

“I was just over there last night and took her some food. I thought she was going to puke just looking at it. It’s like she’s wasting away to nothing,” Penelope frowned, “Literally and figuratively.”

“Reid was basically all she had, other than us. With no family left, we’re all she has,” Rossi jumped in.

“That’s why we’re not going to give up on her, okay? Or finding Cat,” JJ said, looking around at the other teammates, “We’re going to find this bitch if it’s the last thing we do.”

•

The next time you had company, you were too busy with your head in the toilet to hear anyone let themselves in.

“Oh my goodness, honey.”

You hear the distant voice of Penelope Garcia as she rushed into the bathroom, kneeling to rub your back as you retched again.

“Did you eat something bad?”

“I haven’t eaten anything for 48 hours. I’m amazed there’s anything left in me to throw up,” you groaned.

“How about I make you some of my infamous Garcia chicken noodle soup?”

You nodded, even though your appetite was nearly nonexistent and let her assist you back to the bedroom.

“You look horrible,” Garcia winced, “Sounds like you’ve caught a nasty bug.”

You pulled the sheets up over you as you laid back down.

“Tell me about it. All I want to do is sleep but I can’t for throwing up. Plus I guess I’m starting my period cause my boobs hurt like hell.”

“Oh that’s the wor-” she paused mid sentence and you look up at her, waiting for her to continue.

“I’ll be back in a little bit okay? You just rest and I’ll get that soup started.”

She dashed out of the room and you peered after her, too exhausted to question what was wrong. Soon after, you drifted off.

“JJ, Y/N’s throwing up, exhausted and her boobs hurt doesn’t that sound just like…?”

Penelope was pacing the length of the kitchen, which wasn’t very big to begin with, as she talked to JJ on her phone.

“Yeah, it does,” JJ agreed.

“Should I ask her or?”

“Give me an hour to grab Emily and we’ll be there.”

•

“Y/N?”

In your dream, you woke to Spencer shaking you gently, smiling sweetly down at you. Your heart swelled with love for him, just looking up at him. You reached out to touch him, when he called your name again. Only it wasn’t coming from him this time.

“Y/N? Y/N?”

You felt a gentle shake of your shoulder and your eyes opened to see JJ, Emily and Penelope surrounding you. You sat up, rubbing your eyes, confused.

“What’s going on?”

“Garcia called and told us you’ve been pretty sick lately,” Emily said, “I remember you said you were sick the last time I visited. How long have you been throwing up?”

You shrugged, “It’s been off and on for a few weeks. Why?”

The three exchanged a look before turning back to you.

“When was your last period?” JJ questioned.

“Oh, uh,” you stopped to think, realizing you’d been so consumed with grief you hadn’t even registered the absence of your monthly cycle.

“About two months before the hitmen case.” Your eyes widened at the realization.

That was over 3 months ago now. Then, you’d just assumed it was stress making you skip your periods.

“Could you be pregnant?” Garcia gasped, trying hard to suppress her grin.

“I...I don’t know,” you answered truthfully.

You couldn’t remember the last time you and Spencer had been intimate. The last few months of his life had been so busy, filled with cases that usually it was just a matter of being together when you had a spare moment.

“Don’t worry. That’s why we brought these.”

JJ held up a bag with three different pregnancy tests.

“One for each of us to check,” Emily added.

“Now why don’t you go take these and go take a shower. We can check them after you get out,” Garcia said.

You nodded, obeying their orders.

After a quick shower, you stood in fresh clothes, your hair still dripping wet. The three women stood looking at the pregnancy tests you’d taken and left out.

“Well?” you asked, biting your thumbnail.

“Positive,” JJ answered.

Emily looked up from hers, “Positive.”

“Positive!” Garcia squeaked, bouncing on her feet.

You felt your mouth drop in utter surprise and wonder, your heart feeling lighter than it had in weeks.

“I’m...pregnant?” you whispered, tears forming in your eyes, a small smile on your face.

“You’re pregnant!” Garcia squealed, rushing over to hug you, the other two joining in on the group hug.

For once, your tears were tears of joy. There was a part of Spencer that would always live on through this baby.

You had a reason to live again; a tiny, growing reason, but a reason nonetheless.

•

The following weeks were less than desirable in your opinion.

After being forced to visit the hospital by your friends and having an examination by Derek’s fiancé Savannah, you discovered that you were severely dehydrated from your weeks of grieving.

You couldn’t help but feel guilty knowing you’d deprived your little one of the food and nutrients it needed to grow. Savannah—who happened to be close to delivering her and Morgan’s first child—had assured you that after some fluids from a couple of IVs you would be fine. All you had to do from here was to continue to eat properly and take your prenatals and the little one would be just fine.

“This is what you get to look forward to,” she’d chuckled, rubbing a hand over her round 35 week pregnant belly.

You had found out that you were 12 weeks along, just a week shy of your second trimester. Unfortunately, you had still experienced morning sickness all day long and still only looked bloated, not pregnant.

But time passed quickly.

Four months turned into six. Six turned into eight. There were many changes that happened around you besides the growing human inside of you.

The search for Cat continued, the team working their asses off to find her, but with no luck nor leads.

Changes to the team happened too.

Derek Morgan retired from the FBI, wanting to be with his now wife, Savannah and his little boy Hank. You’d sent him off tearfully. He was one of Spencer’s best friends, one that you had become close with too over the years, but you knew he was going to be the best dad.

A new member joined in his place, Luke Alvez. He had been familiar with Spencer as well and the team welcomed him into the family, as did you.

Then Hotch decided his time with the FBI was coming to an end. After a particularly grueling case, he put in his resignation paperwork. He was happy to be a more involved father to his almost teenaged aged son, Jack. You wished him all the best, knowing he was going to have the time of his life with more time for Jack, even though it was hard to see him go.

Emily stepped up as the new unit chief and brought in agent Matt Simmons, another agent you were familiar with. A tall, handsome, hardworking sweetheart, you were glad to welcome him to the team as well.

The changes within you were just as extreme as the ones around you.

Your belly grew bigger, your little one stronger. You felt kicks and movement daily now, each move warming your heart, although you couldn’t help but wish quite often that Spencer was around to witness this. He would be so in love with this baby, you were sure of it.

You struggled with the decision to find out the sex of the baby. With a vote between you and your friends, it was a unanimous vote for yes.

Mere weeks after the discovery of your pregnancy you found out you were carrying a precious baby girl. You were completely overjoyed, as was the entire team. You couldn’t help but feel grateful for the team of people that would be loving extended members of the family and of course, babysitters. Occasionally though, the melancholy feeling would creep back into your subconscious.

Spencer would’ve been over the moon knowing he was going to have a little girl. He would’ve spoiled her so much and she would have him wrapped around her little finger. You missed him daily, even though a part of him grew in your belly. You couldn’t help but be sad for your little girl who would never have the chance to meet her amazing father.

It was then after many weeks of contemplating a name, that the perfect one came to you. You decided to keep it a secret until she was born, much to the team’s dismay, but you wanted it to be a surprise. In your heart though, you knew it was the perfect name for her.

Your ninth month of pregnancy had finally arrived as did the other symptoms of your final trimester. You were tired, achy and felt like you’d swallowed a watermelon. You were so ready to get this baby out.

As if overnight, Spencer’s apartment had been filled with baby things in preparation for her arrival. Her crib was in the spare bedroom, although she wasn’t going to leave your side for the first few months, hence the bassinet next to the bed in the bedroom.

Bottles were lined up in the kitchen, boxes of diapers sitting in the living room. You couldn’t believe it was almost time to meet her; secretly you hoped that she took after her daddy, both in looks and personality.

“How are we feeling today, mama?” JJ asked when you met her and Garcia for your weekly lunch.

“Like a huge, swollen basketball,” you laughed.

“Hey princess, auntie Penelope can’t wait to meet you,” Garcia rubbed your belly, making you grin.

“Maybe you need to give her more pep talks because I’m so ready for her to get out,” you groaned, “And to see my feet again.”

“Henry and Michael are so excited for her to be born,” JJ chuckled, “I’m going to have to tell them to be gentle with her though, they’re not used to little girls.”

You grinned. You loved JJ’s two boys. Spencer had been their godfather, so you’d kind of become an auntie to them. She often brought them to visit you when you were still grieving Spencer’s death and they were the only ones who could bring a smile to your face during your darkest period.

After you’d found out you were pregnant and started rebuilding your life again, you often volunteered to babysit them. Other than your little girl, they were the ones who motivated you to begin healing and getting stronger.

They got more excited the bigger your belly grew. Henry, the oldest would often try to explain to his younger brother Michael that babies came from mommy’s tummies. He also told him that there came a point when mommy and daddy loved them so much that there was no room left for the baby in the mommy’s belly. So, the baby had to come out in order to get the rest of that love. It warmed your heart knowing that one day, your child would be this big and this smart.

You were so thankful for them and for the entire team in general for pulling you out of the hole of despair you’d been in for you might not be sitting here right now.

When you’d ordered, the three of you sat and chatted about their current cases and baby stuff until you felt a slight trickle down your leg. With a glance under the table, you realized your pants were soaked. For a moment, you thought you’d peed yourself.

You groaned, expressing your concern. Even though that was just a symptom of pregnancy, it wasn’t any less embarrassing.

But the flow of the trickle became heavier. When JJ came around the table to assess the situation, her eyes widened, taking in your now soaked seat.

“I think your water just broke.”

A flurry of activity followed.

18 hours of labor and nearly 2 hours of pushing later, you were holding your daughter, staring at her in amazement.

Her tiny fist was holding onto your finger and you smiled down at her, tears blurring your vision. It was early yet, but you thought she looked just like Spencer.

She had a head of brown hair, his eye shape and his mouth, but your nose; although it looked much cuter on her.

“She’s so cute,” Garcia cooed at her, stroking her cheek.

“Spence would be so happy, Y/N,” JJ said.

You smiled up at them. They’d been the ones you’d requested to be in the delivery room and they’d been amazing helping you through the rough labor.

“Can I hold her?”

“Of course,” you smiled, handing her to Penelope.

“Me next,” JJ smiled, holding her little hand.

“So are you gonna tell us her name now or what?” Garcia urged.

“Yes,” you smiled, “I thought it would be appropriate for her to always have a part of her daddy with her. So I decided to name her Spensa. Spensa Rose Reid.”

“That’s beautiful,” JJ breathed, looking down at her, “Hello, Spensa. You look just like your daddy.”

•

Adjusting to being a single mother was difficult, but so rewarding. It helped a ton that you had so many willing helping hands, as well.

Spensa was such a laid back baby and loved to be sociable, even at five months old. She truly was the light of your life.

You loved watching her grow and learn new things, from rolling over to waving and clapping her hands. She babbled a lot as well nowadays.

Her dark head of hair had lightened to a lighter shade of brown and was just starting to curl at the ends. Her blue eyes surprisingly hadn’t turned dark yet and she still looked so much like Spencer.

She had the little dimples in the side of her cheeks that only showed up when she made specific expressions and she liked to scrunch her nose occasionally, just like daddy. It was almost hard to tell that she was yours, but you didn’t mind one bit.

She was the sweetest baby and you fell in love with her more every day.

As to be expected, the entire team fell head over heels for her and often took turns visiting when they had time. Sometimes, you even took her to the BAU to visit all her aunts and uncles.

You often talked to her about Spencer, even though you knew she was too young to understand. It was amazing how the knowledge of her had eased so much of the grief you had felt those first few months. You still longed for him, missed him so much, but in a way he was alive and with you within Spensa.

It was nearing her bedtime one night and you were rocking her in the chair next to the crib.

“Do you want to hear another bedtime story about daddy?”

She baby talked in response, playing with her toy giraffe.

“Well, your daddy was the bravest man I know. He was so passionate about his work and he was good at it too. He was sweet as you are, ladybug.”

You tickled her stomach, smiling at her giggles.

She laid back in your arms, still playing with the toy in her arms, her gaze on you.

“He cared so much about the people he loved. He would have loved you too munchkin. He loved kids so much and he wanted his own some day. I wish he could be here to see you.”

The tears choked you and you wiped a hand over your face as they fell. Spensa started fussing as if she could sense your sadness.

“It’s okay baby,” you repositioned her on your lap, reaching for the frame of you and Spencer on her dresser.

“You wanna say goodnight to daddy?”

Spensa babbled to the picture, putting her hand on it.

It might have seemed silly to do such a thing every night, but you never wanted her to not know who Spencer was.

You kissed the top of her head.

“I love you, Spensa.”

•

In Moscow, it was a pretty standard day for Spencer.

He had managed to set a pretty strict schedule in his time here. It had been nearly a year and he had gotten used to life in Moscow. He still worried daily about his girlfriend though, worrying for your safety.

It was Thursday evening, the usual time he went to the market, yet when he returned to his place, something felt off.

On the entrance table, there was a lone red rose and a note. His eyes scanned over the note.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I have a surprise

And a secret too

Love,

Cat

He automatically reached for his gun that he carried at all times, just underneath his pant leg, in an ankle holster.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” came the taunting, familiar voice from behind him.

He turned around to face the living room and saw Cat sitting in one of the arm chairs, her gun on the arm.

“Spencie,” she grinned, “Miss me?”

•

It was just after nine. Spensa had just been put down again after her 8 o’clock feeding and you were attempting to rinse some dishes off before you headed to bed.

The tv played in the living room and you turned, confused when you no longer heard any sound coming from it. You shrugged it off, chalking it up to a possible power outage.

You returned to the dirty dishes, the clinking plates masking the noise of the sliding porch door clicking shut. A creak from behind you made you freeze in place. You glanced up, a figure approaching behind you clear in the reflection of the window.

Before you even had the chance to cry out, something hard struck the back of your head and everything went black.

•

You groaned, your head pounding. You reached up to rub the sore spot, wincing as you try to sit up. It was bright behind your eyes and you fought to slowly open them, blinking a few times until your surroundings come in to focus.

That’s when you saw them.

Across the room stood your dead boyfriend, lips locked with none other than Cat Adams.

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you-a-southpaw-doll · 5 years

Text

Lovin’ Him - A Negan!AU Story ~ Chapter 2

Story Title: Lovin’ Him - A Negan!AU Story

Story Summary: When high school student Leigh Sullivan feels like the world is against her, and she’s prepared to end it all, there’s only one other person in the world who could save her from herself. Her best friend, neighbor, love of her life, current United States Marine, and even bus driver, Negan Morgan. But what if even his love isn’t enough? Will Negan be the one to save Leigh, or will it be too late? If it is not, what will come of Leigh and Negan? Will they stay best friends and maybe become more? Or, will the strain of Negan trying to save Leigh become too much for their long-lasting friendship, and it’ll all come tumbling down?

Chapter Summary: Negan and Leigh goof off before the bus ride home. Leigh may or may not miss her stop. There may or may not be a dinner between the two! ;)

Word Count: 1,978

Warning(s): Explicit language. Caring Negan. Loving Negan. Slight angst. Fluff - LOTS of Fluff. Somewhat of a slow burn? Eventual relationship. Hella teasing. Negan’s very sneaky and naughty in a good way. Teacher x student relationship – The reader is of legal age, and Negan’s a bus driver. NO Zombie Apocalypse.

Author’s Note(s): Here’s the second chapter! If y’all have any questions, feel free to message me! Also, if you wanna be tagged for future stories, just shoot me a message and I’ll be sure to add you!

Relationship(s): Negan x Leigh Sullivan (OFC)

Characters: Negan. Leigh Sullivan (OFC). (More characters will be added as the story continues.)

Taglist: @negans-network @thamberlina @prettyboynegan @mychemicalimagines @spnnnxangelsx @rockinkel21 @misskittycat02 @band--psycho–psycho @ofxallxwexlost @iron-halt @thamberlinawrites @ravenwings73 @lettherebepink @stoneyggirl

___________________________________________________________________

Chapter 2: That Afternoon

I climb the steps of the bus. He’s not sitting in his seat. I wonder where he is. Nobody else is on the bus. I head to the back to take my usual seat in the last seat on the left side. I set my bag down on the floor. I look up as the bus shakes a little bit.

I smile as soon as I see him. He looks mighty fine in his forest green skivvy shirt from being in the Marines and his tight Wranglers. Damn. That man can make some clothes look hot as hell. Even his black cowboy boots look hot on him. I’m kind of glad that he doesn’t have his ball cap on today.

He has his back to me. I run up the aisle and wrap my arms ‘round his midsection. He jumps and turns ‘round. He smiles when he sees that it’s me.

“Howdy, darlin’. What are you doing?” He asks, as his arms make their way ‘round me.

“Just got on the bus. What are you doing?” I ask.

He takes a slight step back away from me, dropping his arms to his sides. I realize why a second later. There’s another student heading to the bus. Negan gives me a sad smile as he stands away from me. He leans one knee on his seat, crosses his arms so that they’re resting on the top of the seat, and looks at me.

I slide into the seat right behind his. The kid gets on the bus and, not paying any attention to Negan and I, sits in the back.

Negan leans closer to me, and whispers in my ear. “Why don’t you come fuckin’ sit up here this afternoon?”

“You really want me to?” I ask.

He nods and smiles. “Of course I fuckin’ do. That way I can talk to you.”

I smile. “Alright. Let me go get my stuff. I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time, darlin’.”

I head to the back of the bus, and grab my stuff. The kid that’s on the bus is already asleep with his headphones on. I head back to the front of the bus, and set my stuff on the floor in front of the seat I’m gonna be sitting in. Negan’s still kneeling in his seat like he was when I left him a minute ago.

He smiles at me as I stand in front of him. The back of his seat, and the divider in front of me, separate the two of us.

“So. How was your day?” He asks.

“Absolutely positively freaking boring.” I say. “Yours?”

“It could’ve been fuckin’ better. Although, this morning was probably the best part of my day. Well, with the exception of right now, that is.”

“What could’ve possibly made your morning and right now so good for you?”

“Well…um…getting to hang out with my best friend.”

“Oh ok.”

I look down. I was kinda hoping he’d say talking to me or something, but I guess not. I feel two fingers against my chin, and I know exactly who’s touching me based on the tingle that goes through my body at his touch. He slowly lifts my head up so that I’m looking at him.

“You do realize that you’re my best fuckin’ friend, right?” Negan asks.

“You’re serious?” I ask.

He nods. “I’m dead fuckin’ serious.”

“So…wait…let me get this straight, ok?”

“Ok.”

“I’m your best friend. And hanging out with me made your morning and this afternoon the best parts of your day.”

He nods. “Seems ‘bout right to me. Why?”

“I don’t believe it.”

“Why don’t you believe it, darlin’?”

I shrug. “I’m nobody’s friend, and I don’t see how I could make anyone’s day better. Normally, I just mess it up; not make it better.”

He gets a sad look in his eyes. He drops his fingers from my chin, and lays his hand on the seat right beside my arm. His fingers slide over slightly so that they’re brushing my elbow and forearm. I realize why he does what he does. More and more kids are getting on the bus.

Even though everyone knows that Negan and I are friends, rumors could get started really easily. I mean, it is high school after all. I might be nineteen, but Negan is twenty-five. Not that his age matters to me. It never has; it doesn’t define him.

Age is but a number, and he is my best friend. I just wouldn’t want him to get fired because some student said something that was completely wrong ‘bout him and I.

“Leigh. We’ll talk ‘bout this later, ok? Right now, why don’t we talk ‘bout something different? I hate to see you hurting, and beating yourself up like this.” Negan says, quietly.

I nod my head. “If you want to. Um…what do you want to talk ‘bout?”

“Why don’t you tell me ‘bout your day?”

“Um. Ok. I guess. What do you want to know?”

“What was the best fuckin’ part of it?”

I blush. “You really wanna know?”

He nods. “I sure as shit do.”

“Seeing you act like an adorable little boy when I gave you your Christmas present.”

He laughs. “Alright. Although, you do know I’m not a little boy, right?”

I blush. “I do. Believe me, I know that you’re all man.”

He sucks in a deep breath, and his fingers continue to move along my arm. He lays his head on his arm that’s resting on the back of his seat. He gazes at me. His eyes twinkle with some akin to amusement, happiness, and something else I can’t quite place.

“Alright. So…that was the best part of your day. Is there another part that was really good? Or was it just one of those days?” He asks.

“Well…there was one other part that made my day.” I reply, grinning.

“Oh really? And was what that?”

“Getting to talk to you and hang out with you.”

He smiles. “Serious?”

“Without a doubt.”

His grin gets even bigger.

“Mr. Morgan! It’s time to go!” A kid from middle school shouts from the middle of the bus.

Negan sighs, and looks at his watch. Yep, the one I made him.

“I’ve still got another minute before it’s time to pull out.” He mutters.

He looks up at me, and gives me a smirk. He wiggles his eyebrows before turning ‘round and sitting in his seat. He reaches over and grabs the handle to pull the door shut. I watch as his muscles move beneath his shirt. As he moves his arm, his t-shirt sleeve rises up and I get to see his tattoo.

It’s just a simple American flag with a cross behind it and a Confederate flag, the Stars and Bars, right below it. It’s some really nice ink. He’s explained the importance of each aspect to the tattoo to me before. He has the American flag because a) he’s American and b) he’s in the military.

Does he really need another reason to have an American flag tattoo? He has the Confederate flag because a) he’s from the South and b) he loves the Civil War and the Confederacy. He’s a history buff like me, and the Civil War is his favorite part of American history.

Not because he supports slavery or anything. No. It’s because he respects the fact that the Southerners stood up for what they believed in. Granted those beliefs may not have been right, but the Southerners still fought for those beliefs.

Plus, the South was also fighting for each state’s rights. The South had felt as if it weren’t being acknowledged by the North and was being taken advantage of due to the crops and other agriculture. Anyway, back to Negan’s tattoo. He has the cross because he is a Christian, but mainly because he had to truly rely on God to get him through one situation while he was overseas a couple years ago.

He pulls the handle close to him until it locks into place. He reaches back behind him for his seatbelt and buckles up. He tilts the sun visor down. He glances up in the rearview mirror. I catch his gaze. He smiles and wiggles his eyebrows.

I laugh. He just chuckles and cranks the engine of the bus. After he does that, he waits for the other buses to pull out before him so that he can. I talk to him as he does his run. Eventually, he gets so focused on driving the bus, and dropping the kids off, that we just stop talking.

But that’s ok. I know he’s doing his job. Since he and I aren’t talking at the moment, I sit down in my seat. I curl up in the seat, and close my eyes. Since I’m the last person to get off the bus, I still have another hour and a half bus ride.

I can take a nap. I doze off thinking ‘bout the man sitting in front of me.

***

I wake up sometime later to the bus being stopped, and the engine turning off. I hear the clank of metal against metal and realize that Negan’s taking his seatbelt off. I slowly sit up and rub the sleep out of my eyes. I look ‘round and realize that we’re back at school.

I look at Negan, who is busy looking down at something in his lap.

“Um…Negan?” I ask.

Negan jumps in his seat, and stands up. He looks at me, and relaxes once he realizes that it’s me. He kneels on his seat like he did earlier this afternoon.

“Hey, darlin’. I hate to fuckin’ say it, but I forgot you were on here. I’m sorry.” He says.

“It’s fine. I’ll walk home.” I say, gathering my stuff.

“No. I’ll drive you home. There ain’t no fuckin’ way on God’s green Earth that I’m gonna let you fuckin’ walk all the way home. That’s a two-hour bus ride. That’s like a four-hour walk.”

“I don’t wanna be a burden to you. I’m fine to walk.”

Negan moves so that he’s standing closer to me. He pulls me into his arms. I drop my stuff, and put my arms ‘round him. I lay my head against his chest.

“Darlin’, you’re never a burden to me. Don’t ever think that ‘bout yourself. Besides, you’re my neighbor, so it’s not like I’m driving to fuckin’ Kalamazoo and back just to take you home.” He says.

I laugh. “Ok. You’ve got a point. But only if you’re sure.”

“Sure on which part?”

“Sure on everything.”

“Darlin’, I’m one hundred and twenty-five percent sure that you’re not a burden to me. You could never be one. You’re too damn special to ever be a burden to me. I’m a hundred and twenty-seven point seven five percent sure that I don’t mind taking you home. I’ve actually kinda wanted to take you home for a while now. It means that I get to spend more fuckin’ time with you.”

I lift my head up off his chest and look at him. He looks dead serious like he’s not joking with me. In fact, he even looks a little nervous.

“C’mon, darlin’. Say something. Please. I’m sort of nervous here.” He says.

I tighten my arms ‘round him even more and give him a big ole hug.

“Darlin’?” He asks.

“You’re special to me too, and I really enjoy spending time with you.” I say, quietly.

He smiles at me. “So…you’re cool if I take you home?”

“Yea. If you’re cool with taking me home.” I blush slightly, hoping he doesn’t notice.

“Of course I am. Although, I’m starving. Do you care if we stop on the way home to get some food?”

“Um…sure. You’re the one driving.”

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hoodmara · 5 years

Text

Worth It •Nick Smut•

literally a concept I’ve been working on for THREE days and it’s long as fuck, so I hope it’s good lmao.

Concept: Nick is getting tired of jacking off, so Edwin tells him to fuck a fan (THAT’S BLUNT I KNOW IM SORRY)

Warnings: oral sex, language, lil bit of rough sex?

Please enjoy!

******************************************************

Nick’s right hand was growing tired.

He finished himself off with one last twist of his wrist and then felt the warm liquid hit the middle of his bare chest.

Letting out a deep sigh that he felt he had been holding in all day, Nick paused the explicit video he was watching and closed his phone.

He set it to the side and removed his airpods while grabbing for the rag that was hanging off of the small tv next to him. Cleaning himself up, he then jumped out of his small bunk to saunter over to the bus’ restroom.

Passing Edwin on the way, he let out a deep grunt in acknowledgement and kept it pushing. Edwin chuckled at his friend’s disheveled appearance and sent a quick wave his way.

“Another trip to the hub?” He asked jokingly, becoming very familiar with the boy’s masturbatory schedule. Nick’s eyes widened and he stopped in his tracks, turning to look at Edwin.

“Huh? What— what are you talking about?” Nick stuttered, the hand holding the soiled rag shifting behind his back.

Edwin teased his friend, but assured his privacy was not in danger. “Huh? What? Nick, come on, we both know that I’m not an idiot and that I can still see your fucking cum rag behind your back,”

Nick closed his eyes and ran his left hand across his forehead. He quickly opened the bathroom door and tossed the terry cloth into the laundry bag he kept behind the door.

Walking in, he quickly washed his hands and then retreated back to the lounge area where Edwin still held a goofy smile on his face.

“Ok fine, so I had a little alone time, is that a crime?” Nick inquired, plopping down on the couch across from his good friend.

“Look I’m not saying that I listen in on you doing what you do, but I’ve noticed you’ve been..uh...spending a lot of time alone lately and I just wanted to make sure that you’re good,”

Nick ran a hand through his hair and scratched the back of his neck, all the signs of a clearly stressed out Nick Mara.

“I don’t know, man...it’s been, like, a year since I’ve been with someone and I just— I get so..” Nick tried to make sense of his thoughts, but he couldn’t find a way to articulate them well enough. Thankfully Edwin picked up on his friend’s intended response.

“You’ve been bottling up your sexual energies and now it’s hit its’ peak,” Nick cringed at his friend’s honesty, but he knew he was right.

The idea of finally speaking about what had been on his mind was quite frightening. It wasn’t a big deal, everyone at one point got lonely, but Nick was someone who always put on a happy or unfazed face. Edwin pointing this out to him just made it feel like he didn’t do a great job of ‘faking it’.

“Do you have to say it like that?”

“What? Would you rather me say that you want to get your dick wet?” Edwin snickered, getting his daily dose of confidence from the way his friend was cowering at his words.

“God no, Edwin, what the fuck?” Nick groaned, making a sour face at the vulgarity of his friend’s words. Edwin laughed at Nick’s uncomfortable shifting and shook his head.

“When are you going to realize that you can talk to me about anything? It’s not like I’m gonna tell anyone, the rest of these bitches don’t even listen to me when I speak,” He replied, referring to the rest of their bandmates who were fast asleep on the bus. Nick felt bad about his standoffishness with Ed. He knew that if he had to talk about his…problems with anyone, it was best to do it with him.

“Look man, I’m sorry, alright? This just isn’t normal for me, I don’t get to a point where I can’t stop thinking about, you know, sex or being with someone,”

“Aye, I get it, it’s not something you want to bring up with the boys casually,” Edwin spoke, comforting his friend. He continued on, “especially with Zion, cause regardless of how much sex he’s not having, he will try to drag you.”

Nick laughed at the comment Ed made and nodded his head. Feeling more relaxed, he continued to speak on his problem in hand.

“Ok, so what do you think I should do? I can’t just keep rubbing one out ‘cause eventually, someone else is gonna catch me and I don’t want to explain myself,” Nick asked, hoping that Edwin would have a solution.

“Simple, just hook up with someone,” Edwin replied effortlessly, popping a cherry into his mouth from the forgotten bowl of fruit next to him. Nick shook his head in dismay.

“First of all, how? And second of all, I can’t just hook up with someone, we’re on tour, we live in a bus, and we’re constantly moving around,” He rattled off, not stopping after those few reasons, “not only that, but we have literal fans, Ed, what if I accidentally hook up with one of them and they start talking, huh? I can’t afford another scandal after I ran my dumb ass mouth that one time.”

“Hey man, you can call the shots all you want, it doesn’t have to be a random person, but let me just say this, getting with a fan was one of the best decisions I ever made,” Edwin smirked, running a hand over his freshly shaven head. Nick’s eyebrows raised at his friend’s confession.

“You slept with a fan?”

“Yeah, you remember that girl Rain? The one with the two nose piercings?”

“And the bright green hair? Yeah, I remember her, y’all were basically the same person,”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t meet her at a coffee shop, she was at the LA show last year and she slipped me her phone number afterwards,” Nick leaned back in shock, surprised that he never saw this coming.

He knew that the other boys did, in fact, hook up with fans, but he always saw it blow up in their faces. Zion actually had a girl threaten to pepper spray him because he never called her back and Nick did not want that same scenario to happen to him. But maybe Edwin knew something that Nick didn’t, so he gave the boy a chance to explain.

“How did you— like, how did that go? I’m assuming it went well, ‘cause y’all still talk, right?”

“Yeah, we’re really cool! We’re probably gonna meet up soon, too, ‘cause she goes to school in Michigan and she’ll be at the Detroit show,” Edwin smiled.

“And she’s not crazy or anything? Like, she’s not on twitter calling you out?”

“Look, I know Zion’s hookup story scared you off, but let’s both be honest, Z has shit taste in girls,” Nick couldn’t agree more, seeing as most of Zion’s exes have threatened to do or have done something crazy to him. Despite this truth, Nick was still having a hard time siding with Edwin.

“Ok yeah, but what if I get with someone who’s a fan and it’s great, right? But then I don’t call them after or I do want to call them after, but they tell those stupid drama pages? Like, what if—“ Edwin cuts Nick off before he can dive deeper into all the things that could go wrong.

“Nick, chill! Dude, it’s not that serious, alright? If you see someone that you find attractive, just ask for her number! Shit, if she likes you, you might not even have to ask. I’m telling you that Rain and I got along because she was a fan, we talked about the music we had coming out and what her favorite song was, it was a bonding experience,” Edwin inspired, hoping that Nick would see the good that came out of the situation.

“Alright Ed, I’ll take your word for it, but if this blows up in my face, don’t complain when I keep you up for another night at 3am to whine about it,” Nick replies, a small smile finally gracing his face.

Edwin grinned and stood up from his place on the couch. He walked over to pat nick on the shoulder.

“You won’t regret, Nick, I swear. Now, I’m gonna go to sleep because I’m tired as fuck, so don’t jack off too much back here,” Edwin joked, eliciting a chuckle and a quick ‘fuck you’ from Nick.

***************************************

“Yo, that show was fucking nuts, did you see that girl who flashed her titties? It was that one chick who always comes to the shows, I think her name is Allie?” Zion raved, rustling his dreads in a crisp white towel.

“Yeah, I saw that! She’s crazy, man,” Nick laughed.

Throughout the show, Nick couldn’t let Edwin’s words escape him. He spent the meet and greet, and a portion of the show seeking out someone who caught his eye. There were beautiful girls everywhere, some literally throwing themselves at him, but he just didn’t want to make the jump.

“I’m tryna go outside for a bit and talk to some people outside, you wanna come?” Edwin asked, walking into the dressing room from his shower. He looked directly at Nick, shooting him a wink. He knew that this was the best time to make moves, if any.

“Yeah, I’ll go out with you,” Nick replied, grabbing his phone off the table and following Ed into the hallway. The two boys crept quietly past some members of their team, knowing that they would try to stop them from greeting fans.

Finally rounding a corner into an empty hallway, Edwin spotted the exit that led towards the buses.

“So, you see anyone yet? There’s a lot of pretty girls out there,” Edwin inquired, speed walking to the door. Nick matched his speed and laughed.

“Not yet, man. But I’m not stressing,” Nick replied. The two finally reached the door and ran out, being met with a chorus of screams and greetings.

The two went out and mingled, saying hi to their beloved fans and taking as many pictures and videos as they could. Their staff eventually came out, along with a few security guards, to try and coerce the boys to get on the bus. Unfortunately for them, Edwin and Nick were much more stubborn than most, so they didn’t budge.

It was getting late and girls started to leave, particularly the younger girls, but many of the older ones stayed around. Nick was talking with a group of girls who travelled to Georgia from Tennessee and were planning to go the the New York show as well. A girl in the group stuck out to Nick, but he couldn’t make that known.

“So y’all are planning to travel back to Tennessee tonight? It’s one in the morning, you’re gonna be exhausted,” He chuckled, making the girls laugh.

“We’re in school still, so we got summer classes and missing those will get our asses in trouble,” one girl complained. Her friends all agreed, wearing the same annoyed face as their vocal companion. The girl looked behind her and pointed out the girl standing in the back, “This bitch is lucky though, ‘cause she gets to stick around for as long as she wants.”

The girl looked up and caught Nick’s eyes on her. If he could, he would’ve jumped over the barricade to get closer to her. The gold shimmer on her sepia brown cheeks shone bright in the street lights. She could feel her own skin getting warm from being the center of attention now.

“You’re not in school?” Nick asked her, genuinely interested. She shook her head and moved a little closer, finally able to be fully seen under the lights. The moment Nick got a full glimpse of this girl, his breath caught in his throat.

“Uh no, I just graduated! Also, my sister lives out here, so I’m staying at her place for a bit,” She responded, tossing a stray braid over her shoulder. Nick couldn’t help but watch her plump lips move as she spoke, responding to some of her friends comments. Nick nodded, finally digesting her words.

“I wish we could do another show out here, I love the ATL,” Nick smiled, the girls immediately agreeing. They all broke off into their own conversations, trying to include Nick but not talking directly to him. That gave him a chance to talk to this girl without it seeming shady. He moved a bit over to the side, leaning on the barricade where she was texting on her phone.

“Who you talkin’ to?” Nick smirked, jokingly trying to sneak a glance at her screen and getting a giggle out of the girl. She acted like she was hiding her phone from him and scoffed.

“Nobody told me that you were the nosey member of pretty much, they just said you were the cute one,” she replied. Nick’s eyebrows raised and he pursed his lips, making his classic flirtatious face.

“Oh, so you think I’m cute?”

“I mean, you definitely ain’t ugly, so when you do the math, I guess that means you’re cute or whatever,” she joked. The two laughed and shared a comfortable silence. Nick moved his body to the side to check on Edwin and in the process, brushed his hand over her own. Their eyes met quickly and she could see a faint blush happen upon the boy’s cheeks. She smirked and leaned forward, close enough so she could whisper, “are you flirting with me, Mara?”

Nick’s cheeks quickly went from pink to a darker shade of red, the boy cursing his genes for his ability to blush so easily. He couldn’t let her know that he was fazed, that was not in this ‘hookup’ plan. So he smirked like he always did when he tried to act tough and flirted back.

“Depends, is it working?” The girl kissed her teeth and tried to hide her smile. She could feel her own cheeks getting warm, but she was also too proud to come off as some fangirl who was trying to get in the pants of her favorite member. Even if that’s exactly what she was doing.

“What will it take for me to get you home?” she responded, fulling shooting her shot from half court. Nick chuckled and pulled his hat lower. He slowly pulled his phone from his pocket, opened it and slid it to her.

“Let me get your number and I’ll see what I can do,” He flirted. The girl took his phone and quickly tapped in her digits, trying to inconspicuously slide his phone back when she finished. Looking down, he saw her name and number.

Nick could see Edwin staring at him out of the corner of his eye and saw his teeth shining in the moonlight. He saw Ed start wrapping up his goodbyes and thought that he should do the same.

“So, Y/N, you free for the rest of the night?” Nick inquired, quietly. Y/N raised her eyebrows in surprise and laughed.

“Yeah, I’m free. My sister is on a business trip, so I’m watching her place,”

“No roommates?”

“No roommates,” She ensured. Nick smirked and nodded as he walked towards the other groups of girls, planning to say his goodbyes.

******************************************

“Where’s your bed?” Nick mumbled against the girl’s lips. She was straddling him on the couch in her living room, her long acrylic nails scraping down his bare chest.

“Down the hallway, last door on the left,” She replied, going right back to attack his lips. Nick moaned at the feeling, loving the way her teeth would tug at his bottom lip and then soothe the irritated skin with her tongue. He slid to the edge of his seat with her in his lap and stood, gripping tightly onto the back of her thick thighs. Effortlessly, he carried them both down the hallway, every once in a while running into a wall and eliciting a giggle out of the girl.

The moment Nick and Edwin met back up at the bus, Ed told Nick that he had to text Y/N to meet up. She was staying near their hotel and Edwin swore that he would cover for Nick while he was gone. He couldn’t argue with Edwin’s plea, especially because he really didn’t want to. With the way her red sports bra was accentuating her chest and the black bike shorts she wore hugged her ass, he didn’t think he could pass up the opportunity to spend one night with this girl.

Nick used one hand to hold Y/N in place as the other felt its’ way across the wall until it hit a curve and then a doorknob. Turning it quickly, Nick used Y/N’s back to open the door and he stumbled in, turning around and pushing her against the door, shutting it in the process.

He ground his hips into hers, both of them moaning at the friction. She was already out of her pants, so when Nick gently pushed his thigh into her heat, a spot of her wetness could be seen on his gray fleece shorts. Y/N tapped Nick’s hand under her thigh, signaling for him to let go so her feet could touch the ground. He obliged and gently let go of her legs. She stood in front of him and put her hands on his shoulders. Pushing him back, Nick fell back onto the bed. Y/N took that time to strip herself of her sports bra and kneel in front of Nick.

“Stand up,” she demanded. Nick quickly shuffled to his feet and moved to untie his shorts. Y/N’s hands crept up the sides of his legs and pulled down Nick’s pants, slightly giggling at the fact that he wasn’t wearing boxers.

“I was a little eager,” he joked, kicking the fabric away from his feet. Y/N smirked and began to play with Nick’s erect member. A breath hitched in Nick’s throat and his hands went to Y/N’s shoulders.

Trailing her tongue along the bottom side of his dick, she swirled her tongue around the tip once reaching it. She kitten licked at the precum seeping from his engorged tip, sending chills down Nick’s spine.

“God, you’re so good at that,” Nick commented, his words breaking as they came out. Y/N hummed on Nick’s member, causing him to let out a moan.

Soon, she took his cock completely, only leaving about an inch out. Her swollen lips latched on to his member as she hollowed out her cheeks and moved slowly. She gagged a bit on his size, but powered through. Nick couldn’t stand for much longer, his knees buckling at the sensation.

Y/N could feel the man weakening at her touch, so she removed him from her mouth and let him fall onto the bed.

“I’m not done, don’t worry, I just didn’t want you to fall,” she smirked. Nick rolled his eyes and shot a smirk back.

“I can’t lie, I was about to bust, but thanks for worrying about me,” he replied. The girl in front of him smiled and moved to take his erection back into her mouth, but Nick stopped her, “is it ok if I touch your hair?”

Y/N let out a loud laugh and nodded her head. Nick smiled and moved his hand to pull Y/N’s braids into a ponytail. She made a comment about Nick being a gentleman, making him laugh as she went back down to finish her work.

Skipping past any more foreplay, Y/N took Nick’s shaft into her mouth completely, choking a bit when her nose touched the base. Nick grunted at the feeling and help her out, moving her head in a steady motion. He could feel himself getting closer and closer to his breaking point. Y/N used her small hand to replace her mouth on the lower part of his dick. Her movements got sloppier as she sped up, her saliva making it easier as it coated his member.

“I’m gonna, I’m— I’m gonna cum,” Nick stuttered, his grip on her hair loosening. She mumbled a drawn out ‘mmhm’, pushing him to his climax.

The warm liquid ran down Y/N’s throat, Nick thrusting into her mouth to chase the last of his climax. Nick caressed the bare canvas of Y/N’s back, craving the feel of her soft skin. She let go of his cock, her teeth gently grazing the skin as she moved away. Y/N looked up at Nick through her eyelashes as she wiped the sides of her mouth. Nick let out an animalistic growl as he picked her up and tossed her on the bed. The girl laughed at the force, but was more ready than she had ever been.

“You treated me so nicely, baby, the least I can do is return the favor,” he smirked, pulling down her tiny black underwear. Immediately, he dived into her heat, his tongue licking at her clit fervently. Nick then took his finger and slid into Y/N’s entrance, curling up into her g-spot.

She fell into a moaning mess, not expecting the boy to eat her out. Y/N grabbed at Nick’s messy brown hair, pushing him farther into her heat. He continued to lap up her wetness until her moans began to come out much higher than before. He could tell that she was about to cum from the way she was clenching around his finger, so he moved away from her.

Y/N lifted her head when she felt Nick pull away. Shooting him a confused look, she kissed her teeth.

“What the hell, I was close!” She whined, making the boy laugh. He leaned down to grab a condom from his pocket and used his teeth to rip it open. Sliding it on, he pumped himself a few times before moving back onto the bed.

“I gotchu, girl, don’t worry,” he smiled, then continued, “you ready for me?”

Y/N nodded excitedly and pulled him on top of her. With one hand on the side of her head and the other one lining himself up with her entrance, Nick slowly slid his cock into her. A drawn out whimper came from Y/N’s mouth as Nick grunted at the tight feeling of her hole.

“Nick I want more,” Y/N begged, her nails scraping his back. Nick sped up his thrusts, the sound of skin slapping filled the room. He hummed as he left open mouth kisses on her neck. Y/N started to clench around Nick, prefacing her orgasm. The tightness of her heat made Nick’s eyes roll back, the hand that was holding him was shaking and pulling at the sheets. Y/N tapped Nick on the chest, so he met her eyes.

“I want to ride you,” she said. Nick’s eyes grew wide and he nodded quickly, almost coming at the thought of her on top. Quickly, he flipped the both of them over. Y/N moved into a squat position, lining Nick up with her entrance. Sinking down, he clutched onto her thigh at the new feeling. She bounced quickly on his dick, throwing her head back at the feeling. Nick moved his hands from her thigh to play with Y/N’s hard nipples. She moaned loudly and moved her own hand to toy with her clit.

The two of them were in complete bliss, nearing their orgasms quickly. Nick silently thanked Edwin for the idea and pushed his head back into the pillows, bracing for his second climax of the night.

“I can’t take much more, babe,” Nick mumbled, trailing his fingertips down her chest to rest on her thighs. He began to thrust up, meeting her own. Y/N had her bottom lip clenched in between her teeth in concentration. She fell to her knees from her squat position, but continued to slide Nick in and out of her.

“Me either, I think I’m about to—“ as she spoke, her orgasm hit, her mouth widening. The way she tightened around him and the look on her face pushed Nick over the edge, filling the latex with his warm seed. He kept messily thrusting up. Y/N had to put a hand on his pelvis to slow him down.

Falling forward, her chest met Nick’s and he wrapped an arm around her waist. Leaning over the bed, he picked up his phone to check the time. His clock read 4:18 and he hissed, shocked that it was so late.

“You have to leave, don’t you?” Y/N asked, weakly lifting her head up from his shoulder. Nick sadly nodded and frowned at the breeze he felt when she rolled off of him. He turned to sit up in the bed and placed his feet down on the carpet.

Nick grabbed his pants and began to slide them on. Y/N handed him his phone and got up to walk him out. She slipped on her panties and opened the door for him.

Collecting his T-shirt in the living room, Nick grabbed his sweatshirt and handed it to Y/N.

“Keep this, I’ll get it back from you the next time we hang out,” he said, making the girl smile. She pulled it on and shoved her hands into the pocket.

“So we’re gonna hang again?”

“I would like to, even though I don’t come out to Georgia or Tennessee often,”

“Well it’s a good thing I travel for work,” Y/N smirked, Nick raiding his eyebrow in response.

“What are you doing in a month?” He asked.

“Coincidently, I’m in California for a shoot,” she replied.

“Well, if you want to, I’d definitely love to see you at our LA show?”

“Are you sure that won’t compromise our little secret?” Nick thought about what Y/N said, since it was a concern of his to not get caught. But being around Y/N made the idea easier to bear, and much more exciting after their night together. Getting an alert on his phone that his ride had arrived, Nick smiled.

“Nah, and even if it did, I think you’re worth it,” he flirted, leaving the girl with his usual charm.

#nick mara #nick mara smut #nick mara imagine #prettymuch #zion kuwonu #brandon arreaga #austin porter #edwin honoret #pretty much imagine #pm writing

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katieamazeballs · 5 years

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DWTS Live Tour Recap 2020

Whew....this day has been a doozy between lack of sleep and a weird ass day at work. This years tour was a vastly different experience than in the past because Mother Nature is a raging beeotch.... but it was still so amazing! Details below the break to save y’alls timelines some grief.

We started off our day at work and school. I had known, and bitched extensively, about the 100% rain outlook but it was pretty sunny all day. I picked Abs up at early release and I swear to you...the second the car door shut, the sprinkles started. Because of course it did. We got ready and went for some lunner only to be caught in INSANE traffic. Fun fact, Floridians can’t drive in the rain and there was a fatal accident on a major bridge that shut it down and made traffic a nightmare. No biggie though, because it was nasty out and we knew they weren’t just going to be wandering downtown so we were in no rush. We got downtown about 4 and we started wandering.

(Gratuitous bus pic)

We stopped and chatted with the nicest security lady who, bless her heart, was sitting there between the buses huddled under a golf umbrella. She said she hadn’t seen anyone in quite a while (probably because they were inside teaching the show to Keo) but that if we had been there at 7am they were all outside chillin and going to work out and such. We did a lap then stood under the awning at the front of the arena for a bit.

(Why is she so weird?)

During our laps we saw Keo (who was limping something fierce...like I wasn’t sure he was going to make it up the steps to the arena limp...looked like he pulled a hammy) but due to the sprinkling and the running buses he either didn’t hear us or pretended to not hear us. We also saw Val, possibly Jenna (hood was pulled over her to her eyes), Daniella, and Wit. Everyone but Wit was doing the mad dash into the arena from the buses. Wit was in full hair and makeup and talked to Abs for a second as she was entering her bus...Abs didn’t ask for a picture because Wit clearly wanted to get into the dry and not mess herself up. We did a couple more laps then standing under the awning loops then met up with @loveisstatic.

(Poor sweetheart bore witness to Savage being savage most of the night.)

We decided to take a lap but didn’t see anything....sigh. After a pretty epic battle over the fact that Haley said she also “liked” Alan....as in, he’s a good dancer, which “someone” took as “Imma steal your man”.

We went in the arena and went to the merch table where Abs refused a tour tshirt because Hannah was on it...lol. I was trying to get a cute pic of Abs and her 10 paddle....but home girl was trying to make sure she wasn’t standing next to Hannah ffs....

Then we went to get drinks (ha for Haley) and were very quickly let in to our seats. Haley was actually only a couple rows in front of us, so we were able to chat before the show and during intermission. The show is, of course, absolutely amazing! It has a cute “theme” of driving the bus on tour and the voice overs were cracking me up. After the Magic Mike number, Jen talks to the lady rubbing up on Val. The poor lady clearly either has zero idea who the two of them are or has lost her senses due to all the testosterone filled sweat on her person. Jen “You know, I recently got married” Lady “Oh, congratulations!!!” Jen “Yeah, that man you were just grinding and rubbing and smacking on....that’s my husband” Lady “OMG!” Jen “Yeah, his name is Val. I’ll let it slide this time (then whatever the script is)”. The lady was so embarrassed. It was funny. There was the absolute cutest little girl in the front row that Val came out and talked to. She’s on the DWTS Tour story. That section of the show was pretty awesome, actually. I loved his speech about breaking the tv barrier and coming to do shows live to all of us who were gracious enough to invite them into our homes every Monday night. Abs fave dance was Daddy Shark (I’ll steal her video and post it later....we can’t have enough reposts of that gem) and anything that had Alan and mine was the entire Hero section at the end where they’re wearing white (for the dancing) and Dream On (for the music). Actually, the dance where they’re passing the key to the tour around was pretty awesome, too. Then, it comes to intermission and Abs starts bitching about being hungry. I told her sorry (she’s not a popcorn or nut fan and that’s all they really had) and she starts made some wildly and embarrassing comments about want candy...Alan’s candy complete with eyebrow waggles and cackling. I think that it was at that point that our new friend decided that kid is a hot damn mess. Jenna’s swan dive is absolutely amazing in person....mostly for the reaction it causes. I, of course, knew it was coming but the lady next to me literally slap/grabbed her husband and whisper yelled “OH SHIT!”. After the show, the adults in the group had to pee. The teenager in the group just bitched that we were going to make her late to the buses. (This is a very important fun fact for later.) They have some weird ass security dude on tour this year who had some rule where the crowd standing (couldn’t have been more than 20 of us) had to scrunch into the space of 2 of those metal fence things as opposed to the other 57000 of them lining the buses. Every 5 min or so, he’d waltz out and yell at us to “get on this side of the line. No one can be between the buses”...except none of us moved after the first few times. He was intense and a good time fun ruiner. Kept trying to tell us that the police were going to see us standing at his one of his non approved fences (the same ones we’ve stood at for 2 other tours) and “shut the whole thing down”. Sure, Stan. Evenutally, he stopped fussing and Kate came out.

She is a gem, honestly. Super sweet and funny as hell. Love me some her. After Kate went in, it was cold and SOMEONE in our group had to pee (remember that fun fact....ha). Val came out and got into the runner van and scooted off to the airport. There was much discussion of how we knew it was him and how we knew where he was going. Sasha came out and we talked to him and got pics.

(Not all his selfies are hysterical gems that will be reused for all of eternity)

I gave him all my notes and Glebs drugs because we thought we were going to have to leave. He said he’d pass them out for me. We were deciding to leave when Emma popped out of the bus all “Which one of you gave the Benadryl to Gleb? That was bloody brilliant!”.

We took pics with her and decided to stick around for a bit more because Abs needed wanted to see Alan. Thankfully, he came out shortly after and turned on the front camera flash I didn’t even know I had.

(He also has very long arms for a good selfie angle)

After Alan came Wit and Daniella and thankfully that was it.

The grumpy security dude told us all to leave and I think everyone was ready. We were stacked like 6 people deep having to shove up to the front for pics as the pros were like “WTF is wrong with these weirdos in Jacksonville and why aren’t they standing over at all these other perfectly decent fences”. Like, they’d move over to the fence to the left to take pics and we’d all be like “NO! We aren’t allowed!”. It was cold and it was a week night and everyone was pretty much over the foolishness at that point. What was cool about the night was I got to not only meet up with a fun tumblr friend, but there were a few of us at the buses that have started recognizing each other from other tours. The girl Brandon pulled on stage recognized Abs and me and then I recognized a dude we’ve seen each year. Funny story, the girl (who is a huge Derek stan) and I were talking about how pretty Gleb is (after the Benadryl thing) and she was talking about Brandon and having to touch his butt on stage. She’s all “I mean, it’s a nice butt, but he’s just too cute to rub up on”. She’s not wrong, he is just the cutest thing in person....just not in a sexy Daddy Shark type way. Anyways, another tour down. Plans to see MVPJ with a new friend and bus stalk at the “next tour” with the other bus stalkers. Can’t wait till next time!

#dwts live tour

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imfuxingdone · 4 years

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I don’t know who I can talk to about this and I need to tell someone or something to see if I’m actually at fault or not.

Ok so, I flew out of state to a summer camp and came back Monday night at like 9 PM. I go to the baggage claim and I find one of my suitcases but not the other. I do the whole, “um what the hell airport?” business and find out that my missing suitcase is on the wrong flight but it’ll be there by 10:10 PM.

Now, my mom has agreed to pick me up, and she’s been there and we’ve been talking. I first texted her while waiting for the one bag I managed to find letting her know I had landed. I also talked to her while waiting for the second one too, before I knew it was missing. On the phone call I had with her, I explained I had a work meeting I needed to go to (through zoom) at 9. It was like 8:50 when I explained this. So I hung up and got on my zoom call while I waited. Again, before the one bag was officially missing. I’m in my work meeting when I’m explaining I can’t find my bag. And my mom starts calling me.

Of course, if you’ve ever been on zoom, you know that you can’t answer a phone call and be on zoom at the same time. So I sent my mom to voicemail and explained that I can’t answer the phone. Mind you, I’m currently in a work meeting, while trying to also talk to someone about my missing suitcase and of course the missing one has everything I own in it, so I’m trying to participate in 2 conversations at once and not panic already. Once I find out more information, I explain how I’m planning on waiting for my suitcase and getting it at 10:10 PM.

My mom has already tried to call me repeatedly when I was explaining the lost suitcase. And every single time, I would have to send her to voicemail and explain through text how I’m not ignoring her, I just can’t answer the damn phone call. I started to emphasize words like “I CANNOT answer the phone. Please text me using SIRI.” Because she kept on calling me. Of course, I’m fully aware that the airport can deliver the suitcase to me, but like I said it has literally basically my entire wardrobe in the suitcase as well as very important items, I needed that night. So, I opted to wait for an hour roughly and get it then than hope the airport would do their job right after already messing up once.

So, I’m sitting there in my meeting and my mom has ignored every single one of my 12 texts about how I can’t answer the phone. At this point 2 things have occurred to me. One being that she’s the one ignoring me, I’m not ignoring her; and two being that I don’t actually care what my mom says about my inability to answer her phone calls because I know I’m not alone when I literally HAVE to be in a meeting. I can’t just come and go as I please?? She ends up calling me one more time at some point. I don’t actually remember when, but this last time she leaves a voicemail.

It’s worth noting that I a big arguement before I left for the camp and my parents decided I needed to move out by September 30th. I was deciding between moving out of state where the camp is, or moving around in the state I’m currently in. I texted my mom the day before that I decided to move out out of state. She was weirdly happy about it. I say that because I expected her to be more mad. I guess her being happy was meant to be passive aggressive? Anyway, the point is she’s already mad because I’ve chosen to move as far away as I could while still being near other family.

The voicemail mail she left me went as follows:

“hey, I wish you had answered your phone because I don’t know what’s going on. I need to go home, so you need to find your own way home. I don’t know how you’re going to get home, but you’ll find a way I guess. Like Uber or something.”

Y’ALL SHOULD HAVE HEARD HER PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE TONE UGHHHHHH

I text her back saying, (I’m actually copy and pasting my texts here)

“I can’t answer your calls because I’m on a work zoom call. I already told you that. I’ve even recommended a way to reach me that works.”

And then, “I specifically told you what the situation was and you chose to not do what would work so you can know what’s going on.”

“There’s no way you didn’t see my texts. I’m very hurt right now.”

She of course waits a decent amount of time before getting back to me.

So, I figure out that after waiting a million years for my suitcase and my phone on the verge of dying that no one is going to be out at 11:15 for Uber. (I was right btw, streets were DEAD.) And I wasn’t going to call a taxi or pray an Uber was available because I didn’t want to get into a car with a complete stranger with a bunch of nice looking stuff thinking that I might be a good person to murder or jump or something. (I have a lot of baggage around trusting strangers) Also, buses don’t run that late. So, my only other option was to walk home. Luckily, it only took me two hours. Longest 2 hours of my life. Like I said I finally left the airport around 11:15 because I finally got my charger that was in my other suitcase and had to wait for my phone to charge. I also changed my shoes and put on a bright pink sweatshirt so I could be easily seen in the dark. I was sweating and praying to God out loud to cope the entire time. I mostly prayed I wouldn’t get lost.

My mom texts me at some point giving me a laundry list of excuses about how she’s driving so she can’t read texts, then it was that Siri wasn’t working, then it was how she didn’t have connection until she got home and that’s why she didn’t respond to my texts. I responded and called her out saying Siri was working because I can see underneath the texts that she sent them with Siri, and how I didn’t and still don’t care why she didn’t see my texts the issue is that I was ditched at the airport regardless. Also, it doesn’t make any sense how she’s able to call me 8 times, but doesn’t have connection to see my texts at the same time.

I made it close to home, (like 2 streets away) at around 1 AM. My mom decides to call me at this time. She first texts me, “I just woke up, do still need a ride?” I miss her call because my phone doesn’t vibrate because it’s broken. I quickly call her back and get no answer. I called her truly within a minute of missing her call. I’m fuming at this point, I’ve already almost passed out at least three times, and I already know that when I get home, I have to sleep in my backyard because naturally I don’t have house keys.

My mom has me on that Life360 app so she stalked me, found me on the side of the road, and made me get in the car. The first thing was that it’s already somehow something I’ve done wrong because, “why am [I] walking home?” She was so pissed that I assumed she was lying about Siri for some reason OF ALL THINGS. Which means more excuses ensued for why she’s not at fault.

Honestly, there’s even more but that’s the massive and important part of it.

Am I at fault?????

#trauma #tw mental health #tw mental breakdown #vent tw #vent blog #trauma vent #emotional abuse tw #abusive parents #emotional abuse #emotional #am i the asshole #am i stupid #am i a joke to you #am i missing something?#am i dumb

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chironomy · 5 years

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what do you do to cheer yourself up when you're down

Oh boy, do I know this topic!

Y’all’s mileage may vary, this is just things I’ve learned from 30 years with depression and anxiety.

This may be controversial, but I no longer try to examine the feeling and pick apart why it’s there. I’m prone to depression. It isn’t a reasonable response to anything that’s going on in my life. It’s not here to teach me anything or reveal anything important to me, it’s just here, and it comes and goes if I’ll let it.

But I do try to notice and dismiss or argue with the negative thoughts I have about myself. Or I visualize them as buses pulling into and out of a bus station, and don’t get on them. If I find I’ve gotten on one, I visualize myself tapping the bus driver on the shoulder and getting off at the next stop.

That said, I’ve got distractions. Playlists of joy songs --- which aren’t necessarily happy songs, in fact a bunch of them are pissed off angry songs and more than one is about suicide, but they’re songs that make me feel uplifted and seen. Playing with the cat. Taking a walk around my neighborhood, which is a pretty happy place and that’s a big part of the reason I live here, for the free neurotransmitters. Lighting a stick of incense outside and being aware of the gods for a while. Making something with my hands. Not “tanking” the day by doing something I know is going to make it worse. Refusing to tell myself the Daria story that I’m depressed because I’m smart and interesting and cool and if I never had these feelings I’d be a shallow person --- your friend the catfish is here to tell you that’s bullshit, depression is just depression. :)

Finally, there’s maintenance --- sleep, exercise, hygiene, meditation, nutrition. I see a lot of posts on this site that are like “If you can’t do the 100% job, do the 10% job --- brush your teeth, eat a vegetable, do SOMETHING” and sure, in the moment that can help, but I question how sustainable that approach is over the long term. I know I hit a point last year - I blame alcoholism and middle age :) - where if I didn’t do the 80% job when it came to all these things, it no longer mattered if I did the 10% job or the 20% job or even the 60% job. I may as well have done nothing. So I realized I had to make all of those things a priority, and do them every. single. day. It felt like lifting a fucking bus at first, but it slowly got easier, and guess what, depression periods come far less often and when they do they’re much, much easier to shake.

So yeah, that’s what I got.

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glamrus-puta · 6 years

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Help I Start School Tomorrow: A Check List

Do you need some sweet ass advice from somebody who’s spent no less than 18 years struggling through the muck of academia? Of course you do! Here’s a handy-ass dandy-ass guide to wtf should be going on in your pre-school prep!

Let’s get started~

1) What should I do with my day before I go back to the hell hole that is school?

I’m glad you asked! Do things that make the start of the semester feel like a fun and luxurious adventure awaits you! Especially for college and university people, the start of the semester loses pizzazz with age (and time).

Hype yourself up with some simple self care, these things don’t have to be expensive or cost anything at all if you can utilize what’s lying around in your kitchen, bathroom, neighbour’s house or wherever.

Wash your damn hair! Shower and take all the time you need, shave if you want to while you’re in there. The goal is to feel fresh and a lil less greasy the next morning.

Are you a lazy ass that doesn’t have time to moisturize? Me too! Get some Nivea in-shower lotion if you can, and before you towel dry douse yourself with baby oil gel (or literally just some olive oil or coconut oil- whatever you got lying around). Show yourself some love!!

Now is a great time to style your hair for tomorrow and protect it with a low pony or a night cap, btw

Do a face mask! Do a hair mask! Do a foot mask! Do whatever tf kind of mask you got handy! Use foods from your kitchen, or try Freeman masks they’re around 4$ each. Dollar store prices, department store quality.

Take an hour to fix your nails, toe nails, wax the stache or do any body maintenance you usually do. Pretend you’re going to a sick ass party and you’re grooming your meat vessel to perfection.

Lay out your sick outfit for tomorrow- pro tip: you want to be comfy and functional on buses/trains/on foot or however you commute. Think hard about the kind of weather you’ll be up against, and the general state of the terrain on your commute. Put your outfit on a hanger so it’s ready for tomorrow, even if you can’t do this every night during the school year it’ll get you in the right mental state to have your first day

Prep your meds! A big part of feeling good is taking our medications on time to reap their maximum benefits. Put them out on your kitchen counter if you think you’ll forget, go through your medicine cabinet: is there anything you need to remember to take with you to have during the day? Set alarms on your phone if (like me) you’ve got pills to take at different times of day- label them something that you’ll understand. (I use the names of the doctors that prescribed them so I know which pills are physical health and which are mental health).

Pack your lunch for tomorrow. Fruits and veggies bitch none of this “I’ll buy it when I get there” nonesense. Remember to stay hydrated! Bring some kind of receptacle to hold water/tea/coffee whatever. This is a solid habit to have year round, but remember the first couple school days can frazzle you pretty good and it’s good to have snacks on hand.

CLEAN YOUR GODDAMN ROOM. You’re gonna be shooketh in a bad way if you wake up on the first day of classes with a messy bathroom and shit strewn all over your sleeping space. Take all the time you need to put things lovingly away, if you’re feeling ambitious update your calendar and spray a little room spray or light a scented candle. Ooh la la

Do something fun. Do something distracting. Go out with a friend, read a book, take a couple hours of ‘me time’. You’ll be ready to die for it during the semester.

Feeling nervous? Call literally anybody you can stand to talk to for more than five minutes. Talk about dogs, talk about boats, ask them to guess how many jelly beans you’re holding right this second (sike b the answer is 0)- take a couple steps away from the whole school thing.

2) What the hell do I put in my backpack??

So this is where I fly into an unGodly rage. I’m so tired of seeing Instagram posts telling people their make up, perfume and breath mints are the most important of their school arsenal. What’s gonna save you when you bleed through your pants at school cause Aunt Flo decides to come chill on campus? Your perfume? Unlikely.

Here’s the real tea on what you should have in your bag, based on years of oopses, dire situations, and general mishap management.

A pencil case. Preferably full of writing implements. I can’t believe I have to tell people this but like......I do.....y’all childish

MEDICAL BAG: A small pouch is all you need! Tuck this away in your bag’s inside pocket, or in your purse, it could save not only your life but somebody else’s too. Get your prescriptions you need throughout the day like inhalers, anti anxiety meds, lactose intolerance pills, Imodium, symethicone etc.

Pack some ginger gravol (or regular drowsy gravol) for motion sickness or for when the flu season hits

Benadryl pills (and your epipen if you have one!) this is one of those things you should always have lying around at home and in your car

Alcohol swabs and band aids of your choice. Most pharmacies will sell 100 swabs for around 3$, look in dollar stores for discreet 1st aids packs and band aids. Stash them in your little pouch, it might not be you who falls down a flight of stairs and needs to bandage up their elbow- but at least you can help. (Based on a true story!!!!)

Panty liners/ tampons/ pads- this is another one of those things that others may benefit from

Get yourself a mini deodorant (3$ at Walmart) and wrap your hair ties around it. Double trouble, double storage capacity!

Tylenol/Advil, hunt around for little plastic pill holders like Pill Pals, they’re not usually more than 2 or 3 bucks and they hold A TON of pills

Vagina Bonus Round: do you take birth control? Have a tube of Canesten/Monistat/Vagisil or whatever for when the yeast season is upon us

Remember to carry your hospital card and/or medical insurance card on you at all times

Pharmacies will give face wipes individually wrapped for free. Usually brands like Cetaphil will dump them off as testers for customers- ask your local pharmacy cashier for stuff like mini hand creams, spf lip balms and face wipes. We’re happy to give them to you and you’ll get some real use out of them!

ASS WIPES. GET SOME. You can wipe down your bag with them, wipe down tables with them, flush them, and do all kinds of damage control. Trust.

Emergency money- the medical bag is a great place to hide emergency money (think bus fare, or 5$ for emergency food) because people are unlikely to rob what looks like a 1st aid kit

3. Friends come and go but portable chargers are forever- you can find cheap key chain ones at dollar stores. If you’re going to spring for one that lasts a few days on one charge I suggest the OKZU from Amazon. It’s HELLA SLIM and I can hold a charge for about 3 days before it reaches even 75% battery capacity. (It’s also the most budget friendly I’ve found to date about 14$ after shipping).

4. Remember make up, gum, little travel items and perfume can have a place in your bag but I would suggest transferring as much as you can into smaller and smaller containers. A whole bottle of perfume is a lot to carry around, imagine a water bottle bouncing around your bag- that’s the kind of space you’re using up. Be mindful of just how many books/ copy books/ textbooks you’ll be toting around and if it gets to be too much- get an actual tote!

5. A little clip on hand sanitizer never hurt anybody...also Kleenex I promise you’ll use it. (And if you don’t I’ll be there to borrow it lmao) ALLERGY SEASON BONUS ROUND: a small bottle of off brand artificial tears are great to stow in your glasses case for all those shitty October mornings where your eyes refuse to act like eyes and not the Sahara Desert 🐫 off brand artificial tears run for between 2-4$ at most Walmarts!

3) I’ve used my last 24 hours to get my shit together- but I have a horrible impending sense of doom! What should I do?

Ah anozzer day in bikini bottom, which means another day of crippling anxiety for 25% of adult Canadian students! (Wow that’s a lot of students!) Boy do I know how tough it is to be thrown back into the pressure cooker of life that we call school. Here are some tips from me to you that I hope help a little bit:

I believe in you! It’s not a tip, but I want you to know that I do. If you’re feeling unsure/ silly/ out of your element/ etc think about me wandering around just as confused as you are! And have a good laugh at my expense! Shoot me a DM, scroll around my nonesense blog- wow check me out I’m a real living person and I made this post for you- because why? I care about your well being! Sometimes it just helps to know that there’s somebody out there thinking about you and wishing for your safe return home at the end of the day~ for the start of your semester I’ll be that person. *smooch*

Arrive early! My therapist once told me that rolling out of bed five minutes before I have to be somewhere limits my chances of having a calm and meaningful experience where I’m going. I hate to admit it but she makes a good point. Wake up early and do something nice for you: have breakfast, just sit on your balcony and breathe some fresh air, pet your cat and gaze upon their stupid face. Take the time.

Arrive early BONUS TIP: get to where you’re going an hour early and just wander! Window shop, roam the building, learn where the fire exit is, sit outside on a bench and watch the students come in and out. The longer you chill at school the homier it’ll feel, and the more you feel at home somewhere the more you feel at ease. Strike up random convos with strangers if you’re feeling brave, or text an understanding friend to meet you there and roam alongside you.

Plan your day! Get an agenda if it’s in your means, or just scribble on some scrap paper. Make your grocery list, write your tasks of the day, your goals of the day, or even just a positive affirmation. Sometimes even when I know exactly what I’m doing that day, or have something trivial to do (like laundry) I’ll write down “do laundry” to feel like I have a clear path to follow.

Embrace your local accessibility Center and school councellor. Don’t live in fear of the resources your school provides. It seems scary/embarrassing/weird to have to have special accommodations to deal with your anxiety or depression but GIRL once you’re all set with the appropriate tools there’s truely nothing that can stop you. This was my experience anyway, but I strongly urge everybody I meet to take advantage of school services and wring them for all they’ve got. They’re there for you boo!

HOT TIP: feeling dizzy and overwhelmed on the bus? Look at the wall or something that isn’t moving. DONT LOOK OUT THE WINDOWS AS THIS MAKES DIZZINESS WORSE. Breathe in 2 beats and out 3 beats- this cuts your fight or flight. If you’re going to drink take small sips out of a straw or without moving your head. My GP gave me this advice and it’s saved my whole ass quite a few times.

Download free apps that are anti anxiety in the form of fun games. I’ve had positive results with Viridii (where you grow a little succulent garden) Tap Tap Fish (basically you’re a sentient coral that decorates the sea floor) and Polytap (you basically count the vertices of spinning polygons). A cursory google search will reveal more fun games for emergency anxiety relief! I also like to go on YouTube and search for positive affirmation anxiety videos, or storm/white noise/ ocean anti anxiety sounds the night before to get me in the right headspace to sleep!

So this has been your lightning round/ crash course for what to do the 24 hours before school! I hope you feel a little more prepared to take on the start of the semester!

A dios hoes!!

#selfhelp #help #tips #backtoschool #school #college #university #studentlife #student #lucifearo #me #mypost

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shoephoneweasley · 6 years

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Why I Can’t Sleep Tonight #8

This is the first time I’ve been on my laptop in so long. I miss the simple days when I used to spend all my time on here just typing away. I miss typing so much. It’s almost two in the morning and I have to be away by 4:30 a.m. but I just really needed to type, ya know?

I hate that I think so much at night. It’s such a hassle.

Back in July, I had decided that it was time for me to move back to Mississippi. I thought to myself that I just can’t afford to live in Orlando anymore since I don’t have a car, and as much as I love working at Universal, the bullshit I deal with on an almost daily basis is just too much to handle. So I told all my friends here, my coworkers, my family and friends back home, that I planned on moving back to Smithville in February of 2019.

I had it all planned out too. I was going to move in with Tyler and our friend Scott. I would work on getting a job somewhere it was easy for me to get back and forth from. But more importantly, I would be near my nephew Joshua, who is my absolute pride and joy in this crazy ass world.

Before I had decided to move back, I had already planned on taking a week’s vacation to visit home and just enjoy the country life. I really thought I missed it and I was just so so very excited to head back to Mississippi for a week and see everyone. After deciding to move back, I couldn’t wait for my vacation so I could plan my move back home.

I was home for nine days, but the first three days made me realize I had made a terrible mistake.

The first incident: Long story short, Tyler and I messed around last year when I visited home in August. He made it very, very, VERY FREAKING CLEAR that he wanted to mess around again this time when I was home. He would literally text me eggplant emojis and my stupid ass fell for it because... well... I’m stupid. And then when it was night and we were getting ready for bed and I was ready for... whatever... he just up and decided “Eh, nevermind, I’m good.”

It took me awhile to realize he was literally just doing this to be an asshole because he knows that I kind of like our friend Scott, and Scott is kind of into me as well. Scott is total gentleman and I would be the luckiest girl ever to end up with him. But Tyler is a FUCKING ASSHOLE and decided to ruin the whole thing. I just... nah, I’m not living with him after that realization.

The second incident: I fell through the floor of my parents house. The floors were very, very weak, and I stepped on a soft spot and went right through the floor. As I laid there with one leg touching the ground, all I felt was Mississippi laughing at me and telling me that I don’t belong there anymore.

The third incident: Not really an incident, but more of an observation. Without a car, I’m literally stuck in house all day against my will unless a friend wants to go somewhere. If they don’t, I am screwed. My mom won’t let me drive her car. She wouldn’t even let me take it down the street to get something from Dollar General. Boredom doesn’t even began to explain half my time being couped up in that house because I had nothing to do and no one to see.

The fourth incident: I love my family, but I no longer fit in with them. Not that I ever did, but it was easier to pretend back then. Now... not so much.

A few years ago, I came to the realization that I’m bisexual. I like men and women. It’s not a phase. I pretty sure I’ve known this since I was little (I’m talking like five years old at least) but I never acted up it because I was always told that it was wrong. However, living in Florida for a little over three years now has slowly changed how I see and accept things, and I choose to accept my bisexuality and new looks on life.

My family does not.

I’m not telling them about this not because I’m ashamed, but because 1. it’s none of their business, and 2. they will do everything in their power to try to convince me none of this is real and I’m just showing out or whatever. Yeah, no, I’m fine keeping my thoughts to myself and being gay as hell here in Orlando. #sorrynotsorry

I got into a small argument with my mom though. She tried to tell me that being bi wasn’t an actual thing. “People who sleep with men and women are how HIV and AIDS gets spread around. It doesn’t make sense, you’re either gay or straight, there is no in-between.”

What killed me the most though was the example she gave me on why it’s dangerous to be bisexual: “Let’s say you marry a man, and you think you are in love with him. Y’all are marry for like 20 years, and then all of the sudden, you fall in love with a women and decide to leave your husband. That’s not cool at all.”

I stared at her in disbelief and asked, “But if you fall in love with another man and live your husband for him, that’s okay?” She couldn’t say anything, but I knew I had made my point.

I don’t want to have to argue with my family like that everyday because they said some offhand comment I don’t agree with. They do that all the time. My sister literally asked me if one of my friends had daddy issues because she sleeps around a lot. Um, no ma’am, she does not. She and her father have an amazing relationship. She just loves sex. She wanna be a hoe? As long as she’s protecting herself, I couldn’t be more proud. Fuck out of here with that.

The last incident: I forgot how backwards Mississippi, especially country ass bumpkin ass Monroe County, really is. Smithville lost so many businesses when the tornado hit seven years ago. There are still stores that could be built there. Right now, there is only a Dollar General. There was a Piggly Wiggly, but it got blown away. What do they decide to put in it’s place instead of another place to grocery shop?

A motherfucking gun shop.

All the shit going on in Trump’s America right now, and they want to put a damn gun shop there.

I was LIVID when I found out. I’m still livid, which is how this whole post came to be. Like, how fucking dare they think this is okay?! And the best part is that the asshole running the shop... well yeah, he’s a fucking asshole! Mallory told me about all the stunts he pulled in Amory when there was a march going on for gun control and it literally frustrated me to tears. It still does. I just... I can’t go back to that. I refuse.

I hate that I told everyone BEFORE I visited that week that I was moving back. I wish I had just had the thought in my head, told no one, experienced my week back in Mississippi, and then decided on if I was moving back or not. Now I have to go through the embarrassment of telling everyone a month later that, oh hey, nevermind, I’m not going back to that hellhole.

Yeah, Florida is expensive as hell to live in. It sucks not having a car or money here. But I’m trying so hard. And despite all of the hardships, I’m still so happy here. I have the buses to get around (even though they suck). I can walk to nearby stores. I’m independent as hell and I love it.

I thought I was going to be so happy to go back home, but while I was there and watching the snapchats of my friends at work, I realized that I still missed Orlando more than Smithville, and that it was going to break my heart to live.

No, I don’t plan on staying in Orlando forever. There are still so many places to see and live. But for the time being, Orlando is my home and I’m forever in love, through the good and bad times. I’m just so happy I was able to realize that before making a huge mistake.

#thisisme #mississippi #florida #orlando #9.15.18 #its been a while #why i can't sleep tonight

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blumenwrites · 6 years

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Day Four: Grace (Free Day)

a03

So I didn’t have anything prepared for today so I decided to upload a snippet from a fic I’ve been working on instead so hope y’all enjoy

Contains: escort! Yuuri, retired! Viktor,and awkward first dates, and divergent canon *****warnings for references to anxiety and depression******

The smell of the city washed over Viktor, even the rubbish and dampness being a refreshing change from his unwashed laundry. Car alarms blared and the rush of passing buses made the long fabric of his coat flare like the plastic bags sailing across the grey streets. He should have taken Makkachin with him; he was far behind on his walkies after all. It might also be nice as an ice breaker but if he went to get Makka now he'd be late (even then, most places had a no dog policy.

It didn't take too long to reach the restaurant, thankfully. Viktor, despite the aching in his legs, walked briskly, whether out of nerves or a strong desire to get this over with he didn't know. But he made it with five minutes to spare. He searched the space of the restaurant, feeling rather like a new kid at school looking for a safe table to sit at. What if he doesn't show up because he's knows how socially inept I've become? Viktor's brain unhelpfully interrupted but before he could follow that train of thought a man waved him over. From far away he was fairly nondescript but as Viktor walked closer, chest inexplicably tight, more details became apparent. He was slightly above medium height, dressed fairly plainly but nicely with a well-fitting dress shirt and straight, black trousers. He had a kind face with soft lines and contours, the kind that belongs in children's books, warm and welcoming. His eyes were inviting, a deep brown that reminded Viktor of chocolate cake scoffed down during childhood whilst his mums weren't looking. He had a soft, rounded figure and the warm smile he gave Viktor indicated he probably gave good hugs. The man had a understated type of beauty, not immediately obvious but present in the way the restaurant lights illuminated his eyes to a warm, melting honey hue and the natural rosiness of his cheeks the colour of rose tea. Were Viktor younger, he'd swish his fringe and flirt, probably say something silly that would earn him a flustered giggle. But Viktor wasn't young any more and he had about as much charm as a dead fish in his current mental state. He forced a smile and met the other man's gaze head on.

“Hi, I'm Yuuri,” he greeted with a disarming smile. How did this man go anywhere without people falling over him?

“I'm Viktor but I suppose Chris already told you that,” Viktor replied and immediately winced at how miserable he sounded. Man of the Year two years in a row and three official Playboy titles. Amazing.

“He did but still, good to know,” he smiled with such a natural charm that Viktor was almost jealous. He had to endure training by special publicity agents and a disgruntled Yakov before he properly learned how to construe his face into the right expression for the public. “...Are you going to take a seat?”

“Yes, yes, sorry, sitting down,” Viktor mumbled, sitting down and placing his hands stiffly in his lap. Be sociable.

Yuuri was wholesome. They had exchanged five entire lines of dialogue but Viktor could already tell. The pockets of his jeans revealed he carried tissues and even when he wasn't smiling his eyes sparkled. He shouldn't be bothering Yuuri with his presence; he refused to drag Yuuri down with him. Just smile and nod.

“So, do you have a job?” Yuuri asked.

“I work as a translator,” the lie poured out as smooth as butter. “It's mostly news articles into Russian.”

“Oh, cool. I take it you were born there then?”

“Yeah,” Viktor's heart clenched at the thought of home. He rang his mothers fortnightly but it felt like a decade since he had any meaningful interaction with them. “I moved here permanently two years ago.”

The waiter came over and asked for their drink orders which they quickly relayed. Yuuri chose a light drink whilst Viktor just went with whatever had the highest percentage of alcohol. Their drinks were promptly delivered along with their menus. Viktor restrained himself and forced himself not to just knock it down, taking timid sips. It helped ease his nerves and had him better prepared for their following conversation.

“What were we talking about? Oh yeah, immigrating. Yeah, I've only been here for a year myself,” Yuuri admitted, looking sheepish. “But I spent college in America so I didn't worry about having to learn English.”

“What did you major in?”

“Psychology, specialising in relationships and family. It's been surprisingly useful, though not in the way I think my professors intended.”

Viktor quirked an eyebrow.

“How so?”

“Ah, it's rude to talk about my other patrons when I'm supposed to be talking about you.”

The waiter interrupted them asking if they were ready to order. They quickly relayed their choices, both ignoring the starters and ordering their main dishes.

“I don't mind. As long as you're comfortable talking about it?”

“No, I'm fine with it. Quite a lot of my customers are quite lonely and I've become somewhat of a therapist.”

Viktor frowned. The few times he had to be a shoulder to cry on at best he had felt uncomfortable and at worst he had felt his intestines twist with crushing responsibility and being utterly useless.

“Isn't that...really exhausting?”

“Not really. I like being able to help, even if it is just making sure someone's not alone for a night.”

“Wow. I'd find that way too emotionally taxing.”

“Oh, yeah, it can definitely be a lot. At first it got a bit overwhelming but with my regulars it feels like helping out a friend. Obviously it differs from normal friendship but I know far too much about them to just be an acquaintance. I do get a paternal feeling for some of my customers I suppose, so that makes it easier to help out.”

“Doesn't a paternal feeling get a bit weird when you have to sleep with them?”

Oh my god, Viktor, shut up shut up shut up!!!!

“Ah, I don't sleep with my clients. I know that most escorts offer sexual services but it's not something that I'm personally comfortable with-not that I'm judging people who do! They're free to do with their bodies what they want to, it's just not the kind of service I give.”

“And what service is that?”

“Well, normally it's acting as someone's boyfriend. But a lot of times I'm someone to tell your infidelities to and then never have to see them again. I provide whatever role they want from me.”

“What role are you for me tonight then?”

Yuuri paused, thinking.

“A friend. Chris told me you had been feeling down.”

Viktor shifted.

“I don't really want to talk about it.”

“That's fine. Sorry for bringing it up.”

They were silent for a moment. Viktor returned to his drink, the alcohol burning his throat. And then, like the Prince Charming that he was, he spilled it all over his suit. Yuuri yelped, quickly grabbing napkins and floundering over to his side to soak up the damage but Viktor only laughed. I didn't particularly like this suit anyway, Viktor thought. Didn't even iron it tonight.

“It's fine,” Viktor reassuring, waving Yuuri away. “It was my own fault.”

“Are you sure?” Yuuri asked. “It looks expensive.”

Viktor hid a smile behind his hand.

“It's really fine. I can't believe what an idiot I am.”

“Once I was on a date and I was so nervous that I accidentally spilled scalding soup over my crotch-” Viktor hissed in sympathy, “-and then left because I was so embarrassed. Unsurprisingly, I never got a second date so really it could be worse.”

They had dried him up as much as they could with napkins. Viktor's suit clung to him awkwardly but it wasn't too uncomfortable.

“I can't imagine you doing something like that.”

“I used to be a very nervous person so really, that was one of my better moments.”

Viktor scrutinized him. His posture was straight but relaxed, limbs free of tension. Viktor couldn't imagine him ever being anxious.

“What about you, Viktor?”

Viktor liked the way Yuuri said his name, as if it was a fancy brand of wine.

“What about me?”

“What was the worst thing you've ever done on a date?”

He told me he loved me and I had a panic attack immediately followed by me sobbing so hard that someone called the police because they thought he was abusing me. But that didn't quite suit the tone so Viktor racked his memories for something else.

“So, it wasn't quite a date but it was very embarrassing. My somewhat-of-a-boyfriend at the time's parents had a very strict bedroom door open policy. But of course we found our way around it and his dad decided to come in at a very inconvenient time. We were on the sofa and there was the toilet door really close by so when he knocked I pretty much flew into the bathroom. Since there was no bin I decided to flush the condom down the toilet. Long story short when his parents tried to figure out why the toilet was blocked I was never allowed to come back to their house again.” Sorry, Chris.

Yuuri, bless him, actually blushed.

“Oh my god, I would have died!”

“Yup, fair to say it was pretty mortifying. I still cringe when I think about his mother saying 'at least you used protection.'”

Yuuri's laugh was a glorious, tinkling sound that Viktor wanted to capture and hold. He couldn't help but laugh along, the stretching of his cheeks feeling alien and strange. He hadn't realized how long it had been since he had properly laughed. He didn't want it to end.

#my writing #yoiprideweek #victuri #victuuri #vikturi #viktuuri #fic #ficlet #fanfiction #fanfic #yoi #yuri on ice #yuri!!! on ice #au

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