#cause he is not all butterflies and rainbows u know | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

giyyuzz · 2 years

Text

back 2 u — lee heeseung.

pairing. heeseung x f!reader

genre. childhood friends to strangers to lovers, mutual pining, fluff, slight angst.

warning(s). swearing, mentions of bruises.

summary. butterflies always found their home again in your stomach whenever you saw heeseung wrapped in the warm spring breeze, destiny and the decisions you both make in life make your paths cross several times unintentionally, although they repeatedly parted ways, in the end you always end up going back to the other.

note. this is my part for my beloved @moonsluvr's "in between the lines" collab. i hope you enjoy it cause it's especially for you! ik it's late but happy birthday love, i love you.

wc. 4.3k

You fell in love for the first time on a sunny spring morning, at the age of 6.

"Hi, I'm Lee Heeseung!"

You looked at the small hand that had multiple paint stains of all colors that was extended towards you to take it. This was the first time you saw him and the first thing that caught your attention, apart from the fact that he was almost completely covered in paint making his clothes a rainbow, was his bright smile which was missing a tooth and his beautiful eyes.

"Hi." your voice was barely above a whisper as you shook his hand shyly, noticing how it left a red stain on yours.

The boy who said his name was Heeseung stared at you, waiting for you to keep talking so he could know your name. Only after a few seconds in silence did you realize why his eyes didn't even want to blink, in case he missed any detail, when you finished telling him your name you were already holding back a few tears due to the embarrassment you felt.

One of the first things your mom told you was that you should always introduce yourself to the children who approached you and it was the first thing you forgot.

"Nice to meet you! Do you want to be my friend? I was painting a drawing I made myself, if you want you can help me." if you had to be honest you never met someone so energetic and cheerful before. The friends you made up until now were the same as you and didn't dare to leave the comfort of your routine and relate to someone outside your small circle.

You remembered your older brothers and how they had plenty of friends and always went out to play in the street with them and sometimes you used to feel jealous about it, so you would give yourself a chance to make new friends even if it was hard at first.

So you accepted. But in the short span of a few minutes you were already on the floor holding your knee with some tears running down your cheeks, without any teacher around to help you.

Now you were beginning to regret making that decision, you were used to playing quietly or just walking through the halls while talking about anything with your classmates, so when Heeseung proposed to play hide and seek you got excited to try something new and more fun.

But the moment you couldn't find him anywhere, about 7 minutes into the break, you began to despair, you were running from one place to the other, you checked all the places you knew although it was useless because it's as if he had disappeared from the planet. Your little mind began to think unimaginable and exaggerated things but the nerves had won over you.

When your crying reached the ears of the boy who was even holding his breath so as not to be found, he came out of hiding almost running with concern marked on his face.

"Are you okay?" He knelt in front of you, looking sideways to see if any teacher would peek out so they could handle the situation. What could a child do to calm someone crying?

A small spotlight was lit on his head, he quickly checked the pockets of his pants and a big smile came to his face when he found what he was looking for, he put in front of your eyes a band-aid with drawings of panda bears to show you that he already had everything under control.

He used to fall and hurt himself quite often so his older brother had given him a box full of those so that he would start taking care of himself a little bit so as not to give his mother too much trouble.

He gently placed it on your injured knee, it was rare to see that in him because of how unruly he turned out to be at all hours. Your wound wasn't that bad but you still flinched at the touch, successfully making the small waterfall in your eyes stop.

"I couldn't find you anywhere." that bothered him a bit, he didn't like to see people get sad because of him.

"I'm sorry."

He looked down as he played with his hands only now noticing how dirty they were from the paint, the thought of painting your face pink flashed through his head. He mustered up some courage and you felt his lips rest on the band-aid he just put on.

you were startled and he didn't even give you a chance to say anything because he ran into the classroom at the sound of the bell.

Maybe you were too young to experience what love really was, but back then you could swear your heart was about to explode and you were scared to feel that way whenever you were with him.

A moment so sweet that later you wrote down in your personal diary with great detail, you didn't want to forget that moment for anything in the world.

It was something new and fresh, like lilies of the valley covered with drops of morning dew. But what could you know? You were just a little brat.

The months passed and whenever you shared a moment that made your stomach turn, you wrote it down and treasured it for yourself. You never told anyone about those emotions that made you feel more alive than ever.

After a few years being the best friends that could exist, you disappeared from the city without notice leaving Heeseung alone.

And from there you didn't know anything about each other.

The day you didn't come to school worried him a lot, but nothing compared to the feeling that shook his body when he went to your house only to see the "for sale" sign outside, with not a single piece of furniture inside.

It was as if all the memories you had shared together were shattered into thousands of pieces, just like his heart and the letter he had written for you, telling you even his deepest feelings for you.

—

The second time you thought you fell in love was a winter afternoon when you were 16 years old.

Spring was just around the corner but these days the cold hadn't given you a single break, today was your first day in a new high school and you already made the mistake of not bringing any coat and letting yourself be fooled by the sun in the morning because now your body was shaking from head to toe.

The snow melted days ago and if you paid attention to your surroundings you could see how the flowers began to bloom, decorating the streets a bit giving them joy, as well as a cute and innocent feeling inside your stomach that tickled your silly heart. The sun's rays fed and gave life to everything every new morning.

You took a deep breath trying to feel the early warmth of the season you loved the most.

And your body completely freezes at the smell of that perfume.

Was all this real? It's as if the whole world had stopped, time ceased to exist, the birds that were flying were frozen in mid-air, and all sounds disappeared, leaving only the rapid beating of your heart pounding your chest with force.

And all because you exchanged glances with him.

Heeseung had been so engraved in your memory and soul that today, after years, you could still recognize the typical smell of his perfume.

But had you really fallen in love again? He was the same person after all and it was as if all those butterflies were coming out of hiding that they refused to leave. They never left.

You watched as he said something to the boy next to him to walk towards you. With each step it's as if he is activating a bomb in your head not knowing what to do or say.

"Hey."

His voice made everything around you return to normal, letting time run again.

You couldn't say anything, there were so many things you wanted to say that in the end they got stuck in your throat. Both of your eyes already said a lot, although it was still not enough for two people who had loved each other so much and then stopped knowing about the other.

You let your body act by itself and quickly passed your arms around hisneck while you hid your face on his chest, the warmth of his body made you feel in paradise and when he passed his hands on your waist a chill ran down your spine. Feeling his touch after missing him for so long gave you goosebumps. It was overwhelming.

When you parted everything was uncomfortable, he raised his shoulders not knowing what to do and you just covered yourself using your arms because of the cold that penetrated inside your light clothes.

"Long time no see," it was as if you had become strangers, though practically You were "you're taller now."

You did your best to make the environment more comfortable, it was the first time you saw each other after years. His eyes were still the same as you remembered them, he was tall, much taller, his bright smile hadn't changed a bit but he was already a bigger person, you could tell just by looking at him that he wasn't still the same 12-year-old boy.

"Are you cold?" he noticed how your body reacted to being outdoors without any source of heat "I don't want you to get sick."

Heeseung didn't even let you reply that he was already taking off the hoodie he was wearing to put it on your head without hesitation.

"Oh but you don't need to!" he didn't even listen to you and from one second to another his hands were already on the edge of the hoodie making sure it covered you completely "now you could get sick."

"I care more about you." he said softly. His face was so close to yours that you had to hold your breath. He was so cute, he smelled so good and his smile mesmerized you in a way that you could die right there.

He was still the same Heeseung as always.

You didn't talk as much as you would've liked, at least you were able to spend a few minutes talking about what you had done with your lives in recent years, although you couldn't concentrate even for a few minutes, your head kept overthinking every action you did and your eyes couldn't stop traveling in his face trying to remember every last inch of him as if you weren't going to see him again for another long period of time.

Only when you got home did you realize how red your cheeks were, you were embarrassed to think that Heeseung saw you all the time with your face burning and your heart beating so loud, you were sure he could hear it.

That night you slept without being able to take off the blue hoodie with some yellow lines and letters that he gave you, it was a silly thought but you could tell that it was something he would buy the second he saw it. You smiled at that, you had missed him so much that you couldn't be able to get away from that smell that comforted you so much in the past and that remained engraved in the depths of your mind.

You hadn't thought about him going to your high school until that moment, he had the same uniform as you so that got you excited because maybe you can be close again and just thinking about being near him increased your heart rate. You felt like in a fairy tale and you hoped you could tell him what your heart been holding.

But when you went the next day he wasn't there. Nor was it the following days.

Even if you were dying of embarrassment, Heeseung was much more important to you, so you had the audacity to ask the person you saw him with, but he just told you that he had left there and he didn't think he'd be back anytime soon. You felt your heart break a second time for the same person.

Your anger spoke for you but you wished you had never seen him that day just to avoid feeling that unbearable pain you didn't want to remember for anything in the world.

It's as if Heeseung had never existed, being all a product of your imagination that so longed to live his love story.

—

Heeseung was like a loose leaf that had been wandering since autumn letting the wind carry it to no particular destination.

That's why the air caught in his throat when he saw you in the cafe he used to go to whenever he needed to clear his mind of it. He had never seen you there before and you didn't seem to be some new employee so he assumed it was because he always picked the times you weren't working.

Feeling so many emotions running through his body made him overwhelmed and dizzy. It was ridiculous that you always met after years in places you least expected, he was tired of that, he was tired of feeling how his heart shrank at your memory and how he cried when he saw you, it erased all the "progress" he was making trying to forget you and he went back 100 steps because he already convinced himself that you weren't meant to be together.

But looking into your eyes always gave him a little hope and he held tight to it, refusing to let go.

It was for that reason that he was too cowardly to approach you, and he simply turned around wanting to leave the place and his feelings as well once and for all. Inwardly begging not to regret his decisions later.

And it looks like the universe heard him for the first time in years.

"Heeseung?"

There weren't many people in the place and he was grateful for it because he could take off his mask and cap calmly without anyone recognizing him, but he was surprised how you could tell it was him just by looking at his figure, his stomach couldn't stop spin around.

Despite the fact that the few who were there stared at him because he had been standing for like 5 minutes without moving, he shrugged it off and walked towards you, with the counter being the only thing that separated you.

"Hey," he smiled at you, "I didn't know you worked here."

"I used to work in the mornings," you didn't know if it was because you hadn't seen him in a long time and you couldn't remember him as well as before but you noticed he was a little sad, you both looked at each other for a few seconds and stayed silent trying to distract yourselves with something "you want a drink?"

"Yeah, of course." Heeseung ordered for his usual.

Everything was damn awkward, you couldn't even talk like you did that time at the high school entrance long ago, everything was worse since you were practically strangers who didn't know anything about each other, just two unknown people who shared a past trying to talk, which would obviously end in embarrassing failure.

Both of you are left with many unspoken words about to come out of your throats, but you had to swallow them.

When Heeseung had his takeout order in his hands, he said goodbye to you and started walking towards the exit. With each step he took, new thoughts came to your head, you couldn't let him go like nothing like you did before, you had to do something to keep him by your side even for a few more hours or else you would regret not having done nothing for the rest of your life.

"My shift ends in about 20 minutes!" your ears turned red realizing you yelled at him, when you got his attention you continued "do you want to wait for me so we can talk?"

"I would love that." his grin dispelled all your doubts, he didn't even have to think twice.

You couldn't do your job properly while he waited sitting next to a window, your mind kept wandering to the image of him with the sun's rays lighting up his face. He was still the most beautiful person you've ever seen and you think you can never get over Lee Heeseung.

Getting him out of your heart is like an impossible mission, it was as if he had been created specifically to be inside you all his life.

"I still have the hoodie you gave me that day." you played with your fingers not wanting to see his expression.

Both left the cafeteria and headed to the first park you found, there were some children playing and running everywhere. You couldn't help but think about when you used to play with Heeseung until it got dark and your mother had to practically carry you home by the ears, you even avoided going home to drink water for fear that she wouldn't let you out again.

His giggle made you look up "I can't believe you kept it," he looked up at the sky, hesitating as to whether or not to say the words on the tip of his tongue, but he was tired of keeping things to himself so he let his mouth speak for itself "it's more yours than mine, it always was."

You tilted your head to the side, not understanding what he meant "what do you mean?"

"This is embarrassing," he tried to cover his face that was beginning to turn pink, "but I bought it with you in mind."

"Are you serious?"

"I've had it since I was 12 years old just because I wanted to lend it to you, so I bought it a few sizes bigger than it still fit me," your chest tightened at the memory "I never wanted to leave you." his sudden words confused you.

"What?" you tried not to stutter.

"That day I had to rethink what I wanted to do with my life several times just because I saw you again after years wondering what happened to you," he took a deep breath trying not to overwhelm his emotions "but I followed my dreams ignoring the deeper feelings, I became a trainee and now I'm here, being an idol. I'm sorry I left, but I don't regret it."

"You fulfilled your dream, of course you don't have to regret it, I would never want you to." your brain still couldn't process everything he told you, you just concentrated on the fact that he was able to fulfill what he told you so many times and you couldn't be more proud of him because your body couldn't contain so much happiness "I'm so proud of you Heeseung, I still remember when you-"

"Even though I don't even know if I like it that much anymore," he cut you off with tears welling up in his eyes "you're right, I fulfilled my dream, but everything is so difficult that I'm beginning to believe that there are more cons than pros in all of this."

You didn't know what to say, you didn't even know what was going on in his life right now, and fuck, you don't even know if you can consider yourself his friend after being apart for so long.

"No matter what I do or how hard I try there will always be bad comments that sometimes become so overwhelming that they far outweigh the good ones. I'm just tired," he looked into your eyes and a spark traveled through your body "and this may be silly but I really do believe that love doesn't exist. Or at least not for me, I don't know if I should give up."

How could he say that? How dare he say love didn't exist when you felt it with every fiber of your body every time you looked into his eyes? When that strong feeling took over your heart from the moment you met him? How dare he when he taught you what love really was even if he didn't know it? It's true, it wasn't always pretty and it used to hurt a lot to the point you want to tear your heart out in order not yo feel anything and forget everything, and you knew that better than anyone for all the years you spent away from him feeling abandoned, but you wouldn't change the love you feel for Lee Heeseung for anything in the world, even if it hurts and burns you inside you're convinced you will never be able to find something similar in your life. Love was what made you feel alive every day.

"You're wrong about that... Love is real. I know because I've felt it."

"Please don't say you love me."

But even if you were consumed with shame and with your pride broken, you decided to stand firm and stare into his eyes, those orbs that you loved so much and from which you had fled so many times.

Hearing that completely paralyzed you, had you been so obvious all that time? You wanted to get out of there, run away and never see him again.

This was the last chance you had to tell him the whole truth and stop being a coward for once in your life, you were going to fight for what your heart dictated, even if everything ended badly you wouldn't be left with that heavy feeling following you everywhere.

"I love you Heeseung, I always have."

He didn't even move, you could see his gaze change but you couldn't figure it out, it was an ocean full of doubt and he was drowning in it.

"Don't make this harder please." His lips were trembling, afraid to blurt out the next words "because I love you too."

You had to blink several times to make sure you weren't in some weird dream or misheard. You wanted to beat him until your hands got tired, you wanted to yell at him until you lost your voice. You were already preparing to be rejected and he told you that? You couldn't believe it, so many years thinking that your feelings were one-sided when in reality he felt the same? You wanted to beat yourself up too by not taking the risk sooner.

But maybe that was fine, probably if you had done it before nothing would have worked, you wanted to believe that the universe was responsible for bringing you together at the right time.

"Please tell me you really mean it." your eyes were watery, waiting for any answer so the tears could fall.

"I never in my life said something so serious." his tone of voice changed to a slower and softer one to make sure you were the only one to hear him, his hands slowly moved up your neck to position themselves on your cheeks and caress them with his thumb "I'm sorry I didn't say it before, I was scared."

Your fingers were on his, not wanting to stop feeling the touch of his fingertips on you, giving you goosebumps "scared of what?"

"Scared of loving you." he was getting closer and closer to you, now you could feel his breath caress your eyelashes "scared of being the only one who felt all these butterflies when we were together and ruining the only good thing in my life."

You repeatedly shook your head letting some tears fall, although there weren't many because Heeseung took care to wipe them all away.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was going to move me out when we were 12."

"And I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was on my way to fulfill my dream and let you slip out of my arms, you have no idea how much I wanted to see you again but I let you go."

"Don't worry about it, we're already together, right?" he nodded as your fingers played with his hair.

"Hold me again, I've missed your arms more than anything in the world, I can't let you go, not this time."

It was getting dark, the children were gone and the only thing left in the place were your butterflies that finally fluttered together.

You wrapped your arms around his neck as he wrapped them around your waist. Your heart was threatening to burst out of its cage, he was getting closer and closer and you closed your eyes waiting for his lips to touch yours. The euphoric feeling leaving you dizzy and dazed, wondering what would happen to you if he didn't hold you in his arms.

Your lips fit together like a perfect puzzle which have been searching for its missing piece for too long.

This was how it felt to truly love someone, your hearts never gave up and if you had to wait 100 more years just to feel the moment when your lips and hearts were fervently linked then you would wait as long as it takes. There is nothing in the world you wouldn't do for each other, you would go to space back and forth, burn down entire cities and plant millions of trees if it meant you would meet in another life over and over again until your souls lived through it all.

The first and only time you fell in love was that spring morning 14 years ago.

14 years and the flower that bloomed in your chest without hope of living long hasn't withered yet.

Your heart and spring would always go back to him.

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damnasstyles · 2 years

Note

What if you and Harry have a pregnancy scare and his rection isn’t what u were hoping for (he don’t want it) and when the rest comes back negative u don’t speak to him and he don’t know what he’s going to do

Hi bby! Here it is! Hope you enjoy! ❤️

Some feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Word count: 1.6k of angst

masterlist

here is the awaited part 2!

*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit" You whispered checking your Clue app: your period was three days late. Three days would not be a great deal to many people, but your period was like a clock, it always came exactly every 26 days, usually early in the morning. This could only mean one thing: the condoms you and Harry had used one of the last few times had failed.

"What's wrong, lovey?" Harry lifted his gaze from his book to look at you. You were both sitting down on the living room sofas, he was reading a new script for his next movie, and you were checking your Instagram before getting the Clue notification.

"My period is three days late" You quickly got up and put on a jumper over your loungewear.

"Darlin, relax, it's just three days, it's probably just the stress from travelling." You had been on more planes last week than in a whole year last year.

"No, you don't understand, I am never late. The latest I've been is half a day. I’m going to the store.” You rushed to the car before Harry had a chance to say anything back.

The drive to the store was short, but your mind was racing. You were scared shitless because you guys had just moved in together after almost two years dating, but were you guys ready for a baby? You parked the car really close to the entrance. Being 11pm, there were only a couple other cars nearby. You put on your beanie, grabbed your wallet and car keys, and stepped inside the building.

You quickly made your way to the personal care products aisle and started frantically searching for the pregnancy tests. Once you did, you grabbed the cheapest box that included three and made your way to the checkout point.

Before you, a couple was buying a lot of chocolate and other weird combination of foods, but when you looked at the woman more carefully, you realised she was pregnant. Their hands were all over each other, giggling nonstop. His hands were on her tiny but easily noticeable belly, and he’d steal small kisses from her every few seconds. It was disgustingly cute. It felt like vomiting rainbows. However, it caused a tingling feeling to surge inside of your chest.

You started imagining that that couple was Harry and you, doing late-night trips to the shops to satisfy the weirdest of your cravings while waiting to meet your little creation. Then you started picturing what that little creation would look like. What their personality would be, their passions, their life, their features. Maybe having a little one wouldn’t be that bad after all, not when you have Harry by your side.

Once the automatic machines were cleared from the few people using them you quickly paid for the tests and drove back home. The idea of raising a little one seemed more and more appealing as minutes passed by. You had your Spotify connected to the car and, ironically enough, the first song that came on was Isn’t She Lovely by Stevie Wonder and you started to sing along, remembering Harry’s audition. The sweet voice of Wonder filled the car and made you feel butterflies in your stomach, raising a daughter with Harry the only thought in your mind right now.

The drive home was short, so after Isn’t She Lovely finished, Kiwi came on. It felt like the whole world was teaming up to convince you to have a kid right now! “I'm having your baby, it's none of your business! It's none of your, none of your!” You sang at the top of your lungs shaking your head back and forth, volume high and letting all the nerves out through music as you usually did. When the song finished, you locked the car, closed the garage door, and stepped inside the house.

“Where the hell did you run off to so quickly?!” Harry startled you. “What the fuck is that?” He pointed to the box of pregnancy tests you were holding in your right hand. “You’re not seriously gonna take those, are you?”

“Of course I am, I’m three days late, Harry” Was he for real? If you were pregnant you needed to know.

“That doesn’t mean anything! If you take those you-you—”

“I what?! I might be pregnant?! Newsflash, dumbass, I might be pregnant whether I take the test or not! Might as well find out now and end this restless situation!”

“But we’re not ready for a kid! We’re going back on tour right after Christmas and then I have the filming of the new movie, the album release, and the press tour for both! There is no time for a baby! We agreed we’d do this after the next album!”

“Don’t you think I know?! Do you think I’m not scared as well?! This isn’t ideal but if I’m pregnant it is happening, whether you like it or not!”

“This isn’t just your decision, that could be my kid so it’s my decision as well!” Was he for real?! It is your decision! If he doesn’t want the kid then you would raise them on your own, but you will not let him force you to have an abortion. You didn’t even know if you were pregnant yet or not! What even is this argument?!

“You bet your ass it is! It’s my body and it’s my choice!” Harry’s body language changed slightly; you had touched a nerve in him that made him realise you were completely right. However, in the heat of the moment, it was hard for him to think straight.

“You know what?! I can’t do this bullshit right now; I have a meeting in two minutes. We’ll talk later.” He storms off upstairs and you hear a door slam shut.

You grunted letting yourself fall on the sofa, so livid at him. How could he be such a jerk?! Where did all this come from?

Harry set up his laptop and started his meeting with Jeff and the band, but unlike other meetings, he was not focused or participating. Sarah and Mitch saw this and texted him to ask him to stay after the meeting and “discuss something important”, she worded. His attitude did not change in the slightest through any of those two meetings, he was mad and guilty for what he had implied. He was not like this. He didn’t know what had come over him to say those hurtful things to hir fiancée.

There was a little whimper in the background of Sarah and Mitch’s call, which alerted all three of them. Harry’s interest peaked as Mitch got up to pick their son from the crib.

“How’s the little fella doing?” Harry chirped in a heart-warming feeling setting on his chest. Mitch sat down with the baby, sat on his lap in front of the computer so Harry could see him. “Hey, buddy!” The little dude smiled at him cooing and stretching out his little arms and hands towards the screen to hug his godfather.

“He’s alright, a bit cranky since his teeth are coming out, but he’s such a goofball” Sarah commented, observing Harry’s reaction to seeing her son. She knew he adored him, but there was something different about him this time like it felt even more personal before. He seemed full of guilt, even. “What’s going on, H? Are you and YN alright?”

Harry sighed as he rubbed his hands over his face. “I hope so, I was a jerk to her before and I need to go apologise. I’ll talk to you guys later, alright?” He quickly hung up and made his way downstairs, looking for his lovey. “YN?”

While Harry had his meeting, you decided you’d get this situation over with and took all the tests that came in the box. For better or worse, they all came back negative. You felt bad that it wasn’t positive because you had already made up your mind about wanting the kid right now; but on the other hand, it would have been a mess to have them in the middle of so many tours.

You were curled up on the sofa with the TV off, your thoughts the only noise going on before you heard Harry call out your name from the stairs. You ignored him, still feeling hurt and angry towards him. He sat down beside you, giving you a little space but close enough to reach out for your hand if you’d let him.

“Lovey, I—” He sighed, the heavy guilt weighing on him. “I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have said those harsh words to you, I should have stayed calm and instead I let my fear talk for me. I’m sorry” He looked at your face, waiting for your response, but you stayed quiet, your stare on the blank tv.

“I know I fucked up, and that being scared is no excuse to talk to you the way I did, I am so sorry. Having a kid right now is scary, with my busy schedule and everything planned out two-three years in advance, but if you are pregnant, we’ll make it work. We’re a team, we’ve always been a team and we will raise it together. That is if you want to have it. You were right, it’s your body and it’s your choice, and I will support you no matter your decision.” He placed a hand on your knee, stroking it gently, waiting for you to do or say something, anything.

After not getting any kind of response from you he continued talking. The silent treatment was eating him alive. “Darlin, please, talk to me” he shifted on the sofa, sitting closer to you. “Have you taken the tests? Do you want to take them together?”

The next four words felt like an ice bucket dumped all over him. “It’s negative, Harry.”

*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*

taglist: @lollypopsx - @mouthfulloftoothpastehs - @thismaydestroyme - @divergentpotterheadbookworm

——

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#Harry Styles #harry styles story #harry styles blurb #harry styles angst #harry styles x yn #harry styles x reader #harry styles one shot #pregnancy scare

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babyboibucky · 3 years

Text

Promises, promises

Pairing: AU!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You believed that promises are meant to be broken but Bucky always proved you wrong. Until one day, he proved you right.

Word Count: 6,555 (oops I got carried away lol)

Warnings: Angst, a tiny bit of self-doubt but with a happy ending!!!

A/N: Some tags aren’t working, damn u tumblr! Anyway enjoy the angst and the shitty writing lmfao. Also kinda want to do ficlets for these two??? Like short fics about the happenings in their relationship, their first date, how they dealt with the break up idk, lemme know if anyone’s interested in that xoxo

MAIN MASTERLIST

It's been four and a half years since Bucky broke up with you and honestly, you're fine now. Fine, as in you've moved on from him and that you haven't been stalking his Instagram account anymore or have been asking Steve how he's doing since the break up. You're fine now, really.

There was not an ounce of denial left in your body after almost two years of pining and self-blame. But that doesn't mean you've forgotten the pain he caused you when he woke up one day and realized that he didn't need you anymore.

Forgive and forget they often told you and you badly wanted to do so. But it wasn't that easy to do, not when you still feel the pain as if it only happened yesterday.

"What did you say?" your forehead creased as you walked around the kitchen counter, quickly approaching Bucky who had his back to you as he stood in the living room of your shared apartment.

You weren't sure if you heard him right, or if he actually said anything. Perhaps you were just hearing things? Just this morning he woke up and greeted you with his charming smile before pressing a soft peck on your lips. You had cooked breakfast together, laughed together and even talked about what to have for dinner.

Sure, something about his demeanor earlier was a bit off, but you assumed it had something to do about his work and not because he wanted to break up with you.

Right?

"Bucky, what did you say?" you pressed when Bucky remained quiet; he didn't even turn around to face you.

He heaved out a deep sigh, "I said I need space." he murmured.

"What do you mean, Buck?" you asked again, voice small and shaky as you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt.

Of course you knew what exactly Bucky meant by that, but you didn't want to believe it. You were hopeful that maybe this was one of those petty fights you used to have, one where Bucky would spend the night over at Steve's. He'll come around the next day, he always does that. You always woke up to him whispering apologies to your ear and you would say your sorry too.

Bucky rubbed his face with his hand before finally turning to you, "I can't do this anymore." he said, shaking his head before averting his gaze to the floor.

He must have seen the look in your eyes when he faced you. As much as you believed that you were pretty good at hiding your emotions, it never worked on Bucky. He was the only person who could always read you; you could never hide from him.

"Bucky, I don't understand." you let out a nervous chuckle as you hugged yourself, biting your lower lip to prevent them from quivering as you held back the urge to cry.

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, "I just...you've been too...fuck, I don't know how to say this without hurting you. I really don't want to." he admitted dejectedly, looking up at you.

You scoffed, "Just fucking say it, Bucky. I'm already hurt just by having this conversation." you told him.

"You're too good for me. Way too good."

Bucky’s words echoed in your mind again as you laid your eyes on him, four and a half years after your break-up. And just like that, you were back to square one.

You did your best to avoid him after he left, you felt like Bucky too tried to do the same. It was harder than you thought, given that you belonged to the same circle of friends. There were missed birthday parties, anniversaries and get togethers. If you knew Bucky was going to be there, you’d bail. Thank god you had a bunch of understanding friends who never took your absences against you.

But an engagement party between two of your friends? Now that was something you wouldn’t want to miss out on.

You’ve been really happy for quite a while now, to the point that it never crossed your mind that Bucky would surely be attending as well. He had been out of your system since the day you decided to move past him, which is why you thought that you were finally a-okay.

Tonight proved you wrong because as you watched Bucky smile and greet your friends, you realized that you still wanted to punch him and hurt him and tell him that you were still in lo—

“Hi.”

You were too focused on daydreaming about how you wanted to hurt Bucky that you failed to notice that he made his way to you and was now waiting for you to greet him back.

Bucky was smiling at you the same way he did on the night you first met at a college house party. You and Bucky have been together for that long.

“Hi.”

The music was too loud that you missed out on the stranger’s greeting, if not for his shadow looming over your hunched figure as you sat on the staircase, you would’ve completely ignored him.

The guy was looking down at you with a charming smile that made your cheeks turn pink. He was tall and slightly muscular, something you noticed right off the bat all thanks to the tight red henley he was sporting. The guy had long hair too, but it was tied back into a low man bun that was messy enough to leave tendrils of stray hair to frame his handsome face.

“Hi.” He repeated with a chuckle, a hint of amusement laced in his tone as he bit his lip at the sight of you just staring up at him.

“Hi?” You stammered awkwardly.

He laughed, “Um, can I pass through or is there some sort of password required?”

You realized that you had been blocking his way, everyone’s way actually. Quickly, you apologized and stood up to leave your spot only for the guy to block your way before you could even hop off of the last step of the staircase.

Thinking that you must have confused him and the direction you intended to go, you murmured a soft apology again before sidestepping him but to no avail. You looked up at him with a frown when you noticed that he was intentionally blocking your way.

It didn’t help that he was way taller than you. Despite the one being on the last step of the staircase, the guy still loomed over you.

“Excuse me?” You snapped and tried to move past him but he was way bigger than you and managed to stop you from passing through.

He had a cheeky smile on as he watched your futile attempt to squeeze your way out of his large body. You huffed out when he held onto the rail while his other hand on the wall, completely trapping you on the staircase.

“What’s the password?” He asked, still grinning at you.

You deadpanned, “Are you kidding me?”

He shook his head, “Nope.”

You stared at him blankly before glancing at his hands, observing whether you had a chance at prying them away from where they held on. It was then that you noticed how his left hand was covered in tattoos. The sleeve of his henley rode up quite a bit to reveal that his tattoos reached his wrist, he probably had his entire left arm sleeved with ink.

“Can I please pass?” You huffed out when you concluded that there was no way you would be able to escape him.

“Like I said, I need a password.” He insisted.

“Penis.” You stated, face free from any sort of expression.

The guy choked on his laughter, “Why would you honestly think that?” He asked incredulously.

You shrugged, “I thought you guys liked dick jokes.” You reasoned out.

The guy laughed as he shook his head, “Well, you’re not wrong.”

“It’s not the password?” You asked. “Don’t I get a hint or something, I really don’t have time for games right now. I have to go back to my dorm. I have a test tomorrow.” You told the guy.

“I can’t believe you’re thinking about a test. What’s your major anyway?” He asked.

You groaned, “Like I said, I don’t have time for games or even for a conversation. Come on, just let me pass through!”

The guy hummed as he stared at you, as if he was thinking of something. You wanted to look away but he had beautiful ocean blue eyes that you found yourself slowly getting lost in.

“I’ll give you hints.” He announced. “Two hints actually, because I’m feeling generous.”

“Okay, then. Just spit it out!” You rushed.

The guy grinned.

“The password is made up of your name followed by your number.”

“Hi.”

You blinked when Bucky repeated his greeting. When you regained your senses, you cleared your throat and simply nodded at him as acknowledgment. You saw how Bucky’s smile faltered seconds before you looked away and pretended to look for someone.

“I can’t believe you just brushed me off.” He chuckled, running his fingers through his hair.

Bucky had cut off his hair right after graduation. He sported a clean cut since then but now he had longer locks; not as long as his college hair though. It just looked fluffier, you fought the urge to imagine how it’d feel through your fingers.

“I can’t believe you just expected me to greet you as if nothing happened.” You told him, letting your eyes wander around the place.

Bucky exhaled heavily and shook his head, “I thought we’d be okay by now.” He admitted. “Guess I was wrong.”

You clicked your tongue in irritation, snapping your head into his direction after avoiding his gaze earlier. “I am okay, but that doesn’t mean I am okay with being around you.” You hissed.

“I honestly thought we’d still be friends, you know. Civil at least.”

What has gotten into Bucky’s mind for him to expect a lovely reunion between the both of you? Things didn’t end well, he just left. He was too ambitious to even think that you’d greet him with rainbows and butterflies.

“We’re not friends, Bucky. Not even acquaintances.” You told him.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something until someone tapped on the mic, announcing that the newly engaged couple, Wanda and Vis, had something to say to their guests. By the time he looked back at you, you had already walked away and joined Nat at their table.

It reminded Bucky of the days when he used to watch your back retreat into your dorm whenever he walked you home.

“So, you gonna tell me the password or what?”

You felt all your blood rush to your head and you’ve never been thankful for existence of strobe lights. You were probably red as a tomato. Who wouldn’t be anyway? This handsome dude just asked for your name and number!

“Is this a joke?” You managed to asked and thanked the heavens that you didn’t stutter.

The guy shook his head, “I don’t really joke around.” He shrugged.

“Why do you even want to know my name and number?” you curiously asked.

Bucky shrugged, “Been watching you since you arrived.”

“Creeper.” you accused.

“Hard not to when you’re the only grumpy person in a party. I know your friends dragged you here, I mean you said you have a test tomorrow and you don’t seem the type to party a day before. Besides, you’ve been keeping to yourself the entire time. Figured you might want some company, one with substance.” he boastfully wiggled his eyebrows at you.

His confidence appalled you but you were also surprised at how he seemed to have read your mind. Or personality, in general.

“Hey, Bucky!”

You watched the guy turn his head towards front door where a blonde guy— Steve from the student council, you recognized— entered. You thought it’d give you a chance to slip away but the guy, well Bucky, kept his hands in place.

“Kinda busy right now, pal. I’ll catch up with you later.” He said.

Steve’s gaze moved past Bucky until they landed on you. He chuckled as he shook his head at his friend’s antics. Steve walked away but not without acknowledging you.

“He may not seem like it, but Bucky’s a good guy. You can take my word for it.”

Bucky turned to you and lifted an eyebrow, “I mean, coming from a student council member, that’s a pretty credible source.” He said confidently.

You bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling. You had to admit, Bucky had a way with words and actions. His boyish charm was working on you and you hated how easily you were falling for it. And you just met the guy like ten minutes ago!

“So, what’s the password?” Bucky asked again.

You tapped your foot as you crossed your arms over your chest, “You promise to let me go if I tell you?”

Bucky made a face, “I don’t think that’s the right term because you can expect more of me once you give me the password. But I’ll definitely step aside. That’s a promise.” He reassured.

“Promises are meant to be broken.” You stated.

“Yeah, well watch me prove you wrong. Password? Pretty please?” He asked cutely and fuck, Bucky was really winning you over just like that.

Letting out a defeated sigh, you tell him your name and number. Just as he promised, Bucky stepped aside and quickly fished out his phone to type in your number. You honestly didn’t expect for him to remember it after hearing it once, but you peeked and he actually did. Impressive.

“Like I promised, off you go to study.” He said and motioned his arm towards the front door.

You sighed and offered a small smile before finally walking past him. You were about to open the front door when Bucky beat you to it.

“I told you ‘let go’ is the wrong term ‘cause I’m walking you home tonight.” Bucky said. “And tomorrow night too. And the next night and the next next night. Or afternoon. Morning? Whatever time your classes finish.”

Bucky really proved you wrong that night because he did walk you home the next night and the next next night too. It went on until he no longer had to watch you enter your dorm or apartment because eventually, the two of you ended up going to the same home.

It’s very ironic really, that it was also Bucky who failed to prove you wrong when he broke his promise not to hurt you, ever. You wondered whether it was your fault that you actually believed in him. It was hard not to though, because Bucky’s earned your trust from all the promises he made and kept.

Which is why it was even more painful when one day, he decided to break the one promise you truly held on to.

“I’ll always love you, you know that right?”

Bucky blurted it out randomly that his statement confused the hell out of you. The two of you were just playing a video game when he said it, making you hit pause.

“And where did that come from?” You asked with amusement.

Bucky frowned, “You could’ve reacted differently. I was hoping for a high-pitched ‘awwww!’ and this is what I get?” He teased, taking your chin in between his index finger and thumb to pull you close so he could bite your nose playfully.

“You said it out of the blue!” You told him with a laugh. “But it made me happy though.” You admitted and kissed his cheek.

“Yeah, well it’s true. I mean, this thing we got? It’s forever.” Bucky said and lovingly smiled at you.

You pretended to gag at his words but it was obvious that you felt like you were on cloud nine when Bucky said that. “Cheeseballs!” You teased.

“This cheeseball’s gonna put a ring on that finger one day. That’s a promise!”

A finger snapped right in front of your face, “You good?” Nat asked.

You nodded and tried your hardest not to look at Bucky. He was seated with Steve, Sam and some other guys at the table next to yours. You could feel him staring at you and it was making you anxious. Nat and Sharon exchanged looks before letting out a sigh in unison.

“Come on, I’m fine. Stop looking at me like that!” You told them with a forced chuckle.

“What did Bucky say?” Sharon asked. She’d seen Bucky approach you upon his arrival, saw the expressions you both had as you talked and knew immediately that it didn’t go well.

Nat hummed before taking a quick sip from her glass of wine, “We’ve been watching and we’re curious.”

“He was expecting for us to be friends.” You simply stated.

Nat and Sharon groaned and rolled their eyes, “What a dick.” Nat said.

“Men really do have the audacity.” Sharon laughed and shook her head.

You joined her laughter and lifted up your own glass of wine, “I’ll drink to that.” You said before finishing your drink in one go.

One glass of wine turned into two and then three and then four. Six drinks later and you were buzzed and unstoppable. You weren’t that drunk, you were good at handling alcohol but you were tipsy for sure. The formalities of the engagement party were finally done and the guests were left to mingle around.

Wanda and Vis immediately went to your table to catch up and after giving them your heartfelt congratulations (and apologies for missing out on plenty of events), you decided to step out of the venue to get some fresh air.

The silence allowed you to process your thoughts, the same thoughts you had repressed for years. You were happy for Wanda and Vis, truly. The two have been the epitome of soulmates and it was only right for them to end up tying the knot. But you also couldn’t help but wonder, would you and Bucky end up in marriage too had he decided to stay and work things out with you?

You lift up your left hand and stared at your bare ring finger. Just a few years ago, you’d been wearing a simple gold band studded with tiny diamonds around it— a promise ring. Bucky had given it as a gift on your 6th anniversary. You’d gotten together when you were just 19 and Bucky 21. People always doubted that your relationship with him wouldn’t last long given that the two of you were so different. Not to mention, Bucky had a reputation. Girls fawned over him; he was tall and handsome, had a rugged appeal to him thanks to his long hair and tattooed left arm. He drove a damn motorcycle that got him into trouble plenty of times.

You were Miss Goody Two Shoes who played it safe and Bucky was the Big Bad Wolf who liked taking risks.

It was a surprise when your relationship with him kept on progressing and the next thing you knew, the both of you have been together for a total of eight long years. It would’ve reached nine but shit happened and Bucky decided that those eight years didn’t matter to him anymore.

“Can we talk?”

If Bucky asked you that a couple of years ago, you would’ve probably punched him in the face and kneed him at the crotch before running away. Well, you still wanted to do so but a part of you wanted to talk things out. Get a proper closure maybe since Bucky failed to give you a detailed explanation that would help you understand why he chose to leave you.

Nat told you once that some things are better left unsaid. You spent years secretly pining for Bucky after the break up, spent nights questioning yourself where you lacked that made him leave you. You’d asked Steve about Bucky whether he met someone knew or how he was dealing with the break up; it did you more damage than good until you finally gave up and decided to actually move on.

But now that Bucky was here and there was no way to avoid him, maybe you deserved this confrontation after all.

“What do you want to talk about?” You asked, keeping your eyes on the pavement right in front of you.

You felt Bucky stand beside you, placing his hands inside the pockets of his jeans before turning to you, “About us.”

You snickered, “Us? What about us? What is there to talk about us?” You asked, turning your head to face him.

Bucky’s eyes have always been your favorite feature of his. They were very expressive and if Bucky could see through you every damn time, it was his eyes that you could always read. They were still blue but they held a certain emotion in them as he gazed at you.

Sadness and...regret?

Before your assumptions could get the best of you, you turned away and waited for Bucky to speak again.

“I can’t keep on avoiding you.” He said. “I’ve been doing so for the past few years and it kills me.” He admitted.

“And you think I want to keep doing this too? I’ve missed out on so many occasions because I just couldn’t be around you. You’re not the only one struggling.” You said.

Bucky shrugged, “Then let’s stop avoiding each other.”

The way he suggested it almost offended you; he was so nonchalant about it as if it was so easy to just let him waltz back into your life. Truth was, you dreamt of the day that he’d come crawling back to you. But you knew better than to let your walls down just because you miss him.

“When Steve told me that you seemed to be doing well, I really thought it meant that we can become friendly with each other, y’now. I mean, eight years. Those years meant so much to me, we’ve been through a lot and—“

“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Barnes?!” You bitterly chuckled.

“If those eight years together really meant a lot to you, you would’ve stayed. You would’ve allowed me to work it out with you! But what, you broke up with me because you thought I was too good for you? That you felt suffocated just because I was looking out for you?”

You didn’t mean to snap at Bucky like that, in your mind you thought you would be able to have a calm conversation with him. But with the alcohol running through your body, you couldn’t stop yourself from expressing yourself and and feeling the same way you did on that specific night.

“Too good? How am I too good for you, Buck?” You asked, immediately wiping off the tears that escaped your eyes.

“You have everything planned out! For yourself, for us. And it makes me feel fucking useless! I see you work your way up at your job and I’m still figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life!” He exclaimed.

You shook your head, “I didn’t know you felt that way.” You whispered. “If you told me this then I could’ve done something about it, Buck! Rather than let it get this far, I would’ve fixed it.” You told him and tried to reach out but Bucky took a step back.

“That too! You’re a fixer! You always end up fixing things. This relationship has become an endless cycle of me fucking up things and you picking up the pieces. And every single time you clean my mess, I feel like you’re hoping I’d be like the others. It’s like you’re trying to make me into a person I’m not just so I could fit this, this certain mold you had in mind!” He accused you.

You wiped again your tears and refused to believe him, “That’s not true, Bucky! I’ve always loved you for who you are, I never asked you to change for me!”

“Yes, you do! You never said it but I always felt it...when Steve got promoted and when Sam finally launched his business. You always wanted me to be like them, you never said it out loud but that’s what you made me feel whenever we talk about my job...or lack thereof.” He chuckled bitterly.

Bucky may not be traditional in the sense that he considered himself an artist. He never liked the idea of settling for a nine to five desk job so he took on a job as a tattoo artist. It wasn’t a permanent job and he didn’t have clients demanding for him all the time so it gave him time to work for a motorcycle shop too.

It was never a problem for you but practically speaking, your and Bucky’s joint savings wouldn’t be enough for the future that the both of you have planned out.

“I’ve been supportive of you! I never asked you to give up on those jobs, Bucky.” You defended yourself.

Bucky nodded his head, “You don’t know it but you do. That’s how I felt whenever you suggested that I try something else.”

“It’s because I know you can do so much more! Stay at the tattoo parlor and mechanic shop, then fine! But don’t settle because you have the potential to make it out there, that’s what I want you to know! I don’t understand why you’re limiting yourself, Buck. Why you’re suddenly so afraid.”

You carefully took a step closer to Bucky and thank god he let you this time. You swallowed the lump in your throat and reached out to cup his face in your hand. Bucky was livid, his chest rising heavily with every breath he took.

“You were the one who taught me to be brave, to take risks. I used to be so afraid, remember? Afraid to ride your motorcycle, to try out that job I thought I couldn’t handle. I was so scared to commit,” you chuckled, remembering how much you hesitated to give Bucky a chance when he asked you to be officially his girlfriend.

“...but you’ve always been there for me. And I want to do the same with you. I know that it seems scary to let go of what you believe is your calling. You don’t have to let go of it, Buck. But you gotta try something new too.” You said as you let your thumb caress the skin beneath his eyes.

There was silence between the two of you. Bucky had calmed down and you thought that it was over. Little did you know that it was simply the calm before the storm. Because the words that came out of Bucky’s mouth were the words you didn’t expect to hear.

“Well, this is me trying something new.”

Bucky refused to meet your gaze and simply let your hand move away from his face. You shook your head no as you turned around to compose yourself.

“We were fine this morning, Buck. What happened?” You asked and embraced yourself, seeking comfort you knew you’d only get if Bucky changed his mind.

“I thought we were fine too. But the tattoo parlor is closing in a month and we haven’t been getting plenty of clients at the motorcycle shop. And it just hit me y’now, I dread coming home to you because I know you’d be disappointed and that again, you’d offer to fix my shit and the thing is, I don’t want you to. I don’t want you to fix my shit or tell me how to deal with my problems! I woke up and realized that I just don’t...” Bucky paused when you swiftly turned around with a frown, eyes brimming with a fresh new wave of tears.

“Don’t say it, Bucky. I’ll be better, I promise! I won’t nag you or pressure you into anything. Just please, don’t say it. Please don’t. We can still work this out.” You begged Bucky.

You weren’t sure you could take it, what he wanted to say. You already knew what he was going to tell you, you didn’t want to hear it. Let other people say it but god, it’d break you if you heard it from him.

“I’m sorry but I don’t need you anymore.”

The stabbing pain in your heart felt so familiar, the kind that punched all the air out of your lungs. You thought you were done crying over Bucky, but you were so wrong.

“I fucked up.” Bucky huffed out, bowing his head as if ashamed.

“You realized that just now?” You snickered. “Do you know how long it took for me to get over you? To forget the pain from hearing you tell me that you don’t need me anymore? After eight years together, Buck. You were my first everything and you gave up on us. And you really expected us to be friends, just like that?!” You spat.

“I’m sorry!” Bucky exclaimed, lifting his head to look up at you and you were surprised that his eyes were glazed with tears.

“I was wrong, I was so fucking wrong. Because you were right, I shouldn’t have settled then. But god I was an idiot, an insecure idiot.” He admitted.

“I was so used to being the one who guided you that it fucking hurt my ego when I noticed that you were becoming your own person outside of our relationship. I was supposed to be the one supporting you, pushing you to be better. You ended being the one leading me. I let my ego get the best of me and thought I’d be better off without you. But it was the biggest mistake of my life because when I left, I felt even more lost.” Bucky explained.

You were left speechless, you weren’t sure why Bucky was telling you all this. Did he want you back or was he simply apologizing? You didn’t have words so you remained quiet and waited to see whether Bucky had more to say.

“I’m so sorry, I really am. I hurt you. I should’ve stayed, should’ve worked with you to fix our relationship. I hate what we’ve become, I sincerely wanted us to be civil with each other at least.” He said.

“Bucky, you’ve been saying the same thing over and over again. I’m not sure you understand the situation. I can’t be friends with you. Not after what happened. I thought I was fine but now I realized that I’ve never really moved on from the pain you caused me.” You told him and sniffed, looking back to check whether your friends could see you.

Thankfully, all the guests were still busy mingling with each other. It’s as if the universe meant for this confrontation to happen. But now you weren’t sure what to do after you finally got a clear explanation from Bucky.

“I wanted a fresh start with you.” Bucky said. “Thought that it would make it easier for me to win you over if we were friends again.”

You scoffed in disbelief, “It’s not that easy, Buck. I can’t just let you walk back into my life after your apology. It doesn’t work that way.”

You tried to move past him but he immediately blocked your way, “When I said I’ll always love you, I meant it. I still do. I want to make things right, please. Give me one last chance to fix this.”

Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, maybe it was Bucky’s words and how sincere he sounded that made your head spin. Your heart was racing and your palms turned cold. You wanted him back too, so bad but you weren’t sure if it was a good idea. He broke your heart and your trust, you weren’t sure if you’d survive if he left you again.

“I can’t continue this conversation, Bucky. I have to go.” You told him and made your way towards the door to the venue.

However, Bucky was quick to stand in front of the door. He had a determined look on his face, one that looked extremely familiar. You were still hurt but couldn’t deny the fact that you too, still love him.

Even after everything that had happened, Bucky still owned your heart.

“Bucky, can you please move? I want to go home.” You said and tried to reach for the door knob but Bucky moved and leaned against the door.

“You need a password to get through.”

You rolled your eyes, “We’re way too old for this, Bucky. I’m not playing with you.”

He shook his head, “I’m not playing either. Give me the password or else we’d be here the entire night.”

You huffed out, “This isn’t funny. Let me through.”

Bucky shrugged, “No can do. Like I said, I can do this all night.”

You deadpanned, “What’s the hint?” You asked with a defeated sigh, knowing well enough that there was no way you could walk past him without playing along with his stupid little game.

“Consists of three words.” Bucky said.

“Penis boobs vagina.”

Bucky cackled, “And I thought you said we’re too old for this.”

You groaned, “I’m serious, Bucky. Just let me go.”

“No. I made that mistake once and I’m not doing that again. I love you. And I promise that this time, it’ll be different. I know you still love me too, so again I am asking you to take a risk and say it.”

Bucky said it with conviction and you hated how it made your stomach flip. Up until this day, Bucky had a way to make you fold. And he could still read you.

“I’m not saying it, Bucky. How sure are you that I still feel the same anyway?” you asked.

Bucky tipped his head towards your neck, “Not sure if you just forgot but you’re wearing the promise ring as a necklace.”

Fuck. Of course, you’d forgotten about it. You may not have been wearing it on your finger, but you still continued to wear it. It meant a lot to you even after the break up, so much so that you couldn’t simply throw it away or remove it. You figured that it might be better to keep it around your neck. Out of sight, out of mind but still there. You wanted it to exist, it was a part of you.

“Say it and I promise that you won’t regret it.” Bucky insisted.

“Promises are meant to be broken. You proved that the night you broke up with me.” Your voice quivered when you said that.

“And I want to make it up for it for the rest of my life.” He reassured.

“History repeats itself. I don’t think I can deal with it again if you realized the second time around that you don’t need me. Buck, you really hurt me.” You said, voice cracking before you could even finish your sentence.

Bucky quickly took your face in between his hands and for some reason, it felt right. The warmth of his palm, the love in his eyes as he gazed at you, it felt like home.

“I know and I hate myself for it. So fucking much. But I promise you, it wouldn’t happen again. I fixed my life when you left, realized that you were right. I’m better now. So let me be the fixer this time, let me be the one to fix this mess, to pick up the pieces. Because I’m just as afraid to let you go again. I can’t do that again. I love you and I need you. I always did.”

The kiss he pressed on your forehead caused your walls to crumble down. All of a sudden you were sobbing into his arms and apologizing.

“I didn’t mean to pressure you then, Buck. I didn’t know, I’m sorry too.” You cried.

“Shh, no. Please don’t apologize.” Bucky coaxed as he pulled back to kiss your tears away. “None of this was your fault, baby. It’s all on me. Let me make it up to you, please?”

The term of endearment made your heart flutter and as much as you hated how Bucky easily won you over, again, the love you have for him was quick to outweigh it. You knew you shouldn’t have given in to him just like that, but this was Bucky. He was your greatest love, someone who owned your heart even after he left.

“I miss you, baby. Couldn’t fathom the thought of you being with someone else.” Bucky admitted as he hugged you tightly.

“I was so stupid, so fucking stupid. I hated myself for hurting you. I won’t do it again, I swear.”

His hand rubbed circles against your back, helping you calm down after your breakdown. He swayed you from side to side, pressed kisses on your crown and whispered promises that he was sure he was going to keep and you basked in it. When you finally calmed down, you pressed your face into Bucky’s neck and inhaled his scent.

He smelled the same, like comfort and love and trust. You hugged him tighter and smiled into his skin and mumbled, “I love you.”

Bucky chuckled, “You got the password right but I don’t think I’m letting you go just yet.”

“Nat and Sharon’s gonna kick our asses if they find out.” You chuckled.

He pulled back and stared at you lovingly, “I’ll take the hit for you.” he laughed.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled again, caressing your cheek with his thumb.

“Forgiven.” You told him and stood on your tiptoes until Bucky bent down to meet your lips in a kiss.

You sighed into the kiss. Four and a half years of pain and anger all gone and replaced with the love you always had for Bucky. His lips against yours made you dizzy but in a good way.

It felt right, like this was how things were really supposed to be.

You pulled back and sighed, “As much as I want to stay like this, I’m really tired.”

Bucky let you go but took your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I’m driving you home tonight.” He said.

You smiled.

“And the next night. And the next next night.”

Yet again, Bucky proved himself to be worthy of another chance. Because he drove you home the next night, and the next next night. It went on until he regained your trust back and all was well enough for him to finally reveal the black velvet box that he had been keeping in his pocket since the night of your eventful reunion.

“You need a password to see what’s inside.” Bucky grinned up at you as he bent down on one knee.

You chuckled through your years, “Any hint?”

“One word, three letters.”

You wiped away your tears with a smile followed by a subtle nod.

“Yes.”

Bucky kept his promise all along, he really did put a ring on your finger. Took quite a while with plenty of obstacles that caused its delay, but a promise fulfilled nonetheless.

Everything Bucky Tag List:

@ddowii @jessou893 @stealapizzamyheart @bagelofthelord @mxnt @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky @ohladymacbeth @wildflowergubler @supraveng @twinerd14 @buckysmar @bakugouswh0r3 @sweetcoldharmony @wintersfilm @charminivy @amelia-song-pond @iamvalentinaconstanza @mcubqrnes

#bbbwrites #oneshots: bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky fic #bucky angst #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes angst #sebastian stan

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televisionboy · 3 years

Text

this gif is everything skdjdjfn and this is my first alphabet! so give me love and constructive criticism.

taglist: @punkgeekchic @visionsofsweettea @adoresobs @am4sawa @reblogsfandom @evarolines @somethingstuffy

Timothee Chalamet Fluff Alphabet

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Dates with Timothee are very very comforting and new at the same time. He LOVES getting out of the house and going to a city where shops are lining every corner and small cafes with coffee to die for. But he also loves to cook you dinner and rehash your days. He’s quite a domestic person.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Timothee finds all of you attractive. But his favorite thing to do is whenever you’re reading a book or the two of you are watching TV, and you’re at one end of the couch and he’s at the other end, he loves to run his hands up and down your legs while they rest in his lap. Drumming his fingers against your knees is like a calming thing

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He doesn’t talk, at all. He’s an incredibly patient boyfriend who will sit there with you and sync your breathing while hugging you. He will listen for hours and hours to you talk about it. And if not, he makes tea for you and offers cuddles and comfortable silences. I mean, either way he always makes tea.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

He would love a family with you, he knows you’d be an incredible parent to his children. But he’s content being young, having new experiences and getting to be spontaneous. If he had to think about it, he’d like one or two children and maybe a dog. Living in a cozy but spacious home, of course there’s a pool in the back.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

well, when he’s in the mood, jealous/mad he definitely will be dominant (and especially in bed) but he’s in no way so dominant that you will feel like his maid or a child. But he really doesn’t want to consider your relationship to be that way. Both of you are just you and treat each other equally.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He gets cold when he’s fighting with you. Timothee’s a bit like a younger sibling while fighting, he knows how to push your buttons and won’t stop until he see’s a reaction. But he has that guilty feeling wash over him so fast. He’s very very easy to forgive you because how could he say no to someone like you??

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

SO GRATEFUL. He spoils like no other. If you point out that you like a pair of earrings, they’re yours (it doesn’t matter that they’re pure diamonds) you mentioned that you want to see Italy? Tickets booked. And a great thing about him, on top of being a good listener is that he has a great eye. And he picks up on things and is quick to notice them. Which is a big reason he’s so successful in acting. Even if it’s something as simple as washing the dishes so he can relax, to something as kind as making him your very own fan gift.. he melts every time.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Mmm, he certainly tries not to but everyone keeps secrets. There are things that both of you prefer to keep private but he wouldn’t keep something like him kissing another woman a secret.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You’ve inspired him and fueled him to become a stronger actor even if you’re not one yourself. Some of your advice is seriously helpful, and some are unhelpful but hilarious. No matter what you will tell him, he knows you’re waiting at home or even at his set with open arms, waiting for him to win an award and fangirl online to other Timmy fans. It makes him blush and cause a billion butterflies to erupt in his stomach.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He trusts you 100% that you would never leave him, and he doesn’t want to be one of those boyfriends who restricts their partner. But there’s a part of him that’s incredibly insecure and is convinced you can do better. There are some parts that WANT you to leave him and do better. He would never ever show it in public, but you can read him well. You’ll put a hand on his bouncing knee and kiss his jaw.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He knows he’s a damn good kisser as well as charmer. You had been on a couple of dates with him, on one you mentioned that it was on your bucket list to be kissed in the rain. He made sure to schedule a date when there would be rain and he took you on a picnic. Towards the end, it had started to pour and you were trying to run back to the car but he grabbed your face and kissed you so hard but so passionately. His curls were dripping and the sandwiches were ruined but the feeling was incredible.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Rightttt after that kiss, in the car you were drying off and laughing with him while the radio was on in the background. The car was on but he wasn’t driving. Instead, he turned to you and told you he was in love with you. Both of you had said “love you” but never “i’m in love with you”

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He’s on the fence about babies but he knows for certain that he wants to marry you. You know that scene in The Office where Jim shows the engagement ring for Pam and is like “I got it 3 weeks into dating”? That’s Timmy.

He brings you to a premire of one of his movies and at the end when all the credit’s are rolling, it says “y/n will you marry me?” and when you turn back around, Timmy is on one knee and Armie is most likely behind him crying his eyes out.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

“Babe” “Baby” “Mon cherie” When you two are married, he’ll join you in the kitchen while cooking dinner and call you “Mrs Chalamet” before kissing your shoulder and beginning to chop veggies. It’s just incredibly domestic

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

so so so obvious and so in love. He shows you off as much as possible and talks about you on talk shows until he’s sure that the audience is annoyed and SNL mocks him (and even then, he’ll continue)

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

he brags but he does know when to dial it back for your own privacy and humility. BUT that doesn’t mean he won’t hold your hand in public, or banter with you on a twitter thread even if you both are right next to each other on the couch playing footsie

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

He has a great eye and is quick to pick up on things. It’s almost as if he has certain senses and can tell when you’re having a bad day or upset. He just knows. It’s incredible. He’ll run you a bath and order cake to indulge yourself in before you even get home.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

The most sickley, fluffy, romantic, boyfriend that it makes me sick. Timothee would dye his hair rainbow and cut of his toes if it meant you would smile. On a more romantic note, he pulls out all the stops but it’s a bit more subtle?? Like he is very romantic but it’s not overwhelming. There’s no string quartet and private dining room but there will be jazz and dancing at midnight or a homemade “restaurant” with Timothee as a one man (messy) staff but it’s the best thing you could have ever come home to

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He’s your head cheerleader and the most selfless human ever. Will cheer for you until his voice goes mute and even then, he’s the one clapping the loudest and crying the most.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

both! Timothee is like a dog in some ways. He’s energetic and needs new things, to be outside, to be social. But he craves hugs and cuddling, he adores late night talks with you or watching you make him breakfast while he scrolls through Instagram. Like I said, a very domestic guy.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He know’s you like the back of his hand and he could spot you with his eyes closed and only by feeling your face. He knows your habits, and the food you hate, your terrible cooking skills, and the kind of dad jokes you tell, the anxiety ticks, and what shows you’ll watch over and over again.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

He’d go insane without you. You’re addictive because you have a pure heart and a dirty mind and he falls in love the more you show that. He brings you back the weirdest things that remind him of you. Stationary cards with odd quotes, an antique necklace from the 40′s, peach earrings (because he enables your teasing)

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He’s like the real version of “JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD” but a little more loving lol “I love you, but I’m willing to defend my fries”

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

I said that he’s like a puppy! he needs kisses and scratches to his head (free scalp massage) and he’s a clingy puppy too. i mean, look at his eyes for the love of god.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

he aches so bad. He is your cheerleader but he can’t function without you. You’re his cup of coffee, an antidepressant. He’s fangirling inside for your new project but when he sees your mug or reaches to bring you close to his chest and you’re not there, he’s unable to fall asleep or make a cup of coffee.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He’d travel to Mars and back if you asked him to. Just ask him, and he does it. One time, he was working on a movie with an actress who was quite snippy to you and he quit immediately, feeling incredibly guilty and nauseous. He got you very expensive lox and bagels one morning because you were whining about it the previous night. He doesn’t want to close his eyes at night because there’s so many things he wants to do before he goes on to the next day. But when he closes his eyes at night, it’s all you, you, you, you, you and how much he’s overwhelmed with total adoration for you

#timothee chalamet imagine #timothee chalamet #timothee chalamet x you #timothee chalamet icons #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet smut #fluff #fluff alphabet #x reader #x you

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choisanbooty-uwu · 4 years

Text

Party - San x Fem!Reader

Genre: Smut/Vanilla/Passionate

A/N: I decided for my first smut on tumblr I’d make it simple. It might be boring but eh again it’s a starter lmao. Dm me with requests :)

It was a casual Sunday afternoon- the day you decided on going to a party with your friend Ji-ae. She wanted to get it on with the colleges most known band Ateez’s, Song Mingi.

“C’monnnnn please y/n! I beg of youuuuuu!” Ji-ae exclaims. She had been bugging you for this for a week now. A week ago was when Mingi personally invited her to go. After all, it was Ateez’s party. Mingi had told her that she could bring me, also apparently requested by another member. Who? I have no clue. I mean what’s the worse that could happen?

“Fineeee,” you finally said. Ji-ae hugged you in extreme excitement.

“Oh y/n, thank you thank you ThAnK yOu t h a n k y o u THANK YOU!” I shrug her off me laughing.

“Well, It’s gonna start in like, 4 hours and you always take forever to get ready for occasions so shoo, go get ready.”

“Otayyyy,” she says yeeting herself off me. She showers first then me. Walking out of the bathroom in a fluffy rainbow leopard print bath robe, I walk into my room. I open my closet to look through the assorted dresses there are. I pick a cute little black dress, that has a zipper on the back, and strip of mesh flower patterns right on the curve area. It’s a short sleeved, tank topped actually, for the top design. It hugs my small but curvy figure in a comfortable way. I slip on some fishnets and heeled boots. Now for the makeup and hair. for makeup I do a Brown smokey eye, and black matte lipstick. My contour is on point, and my highlight is subtle yet very out there. I put my hair in cute space buns with the slightest curls dangling from in front of my ears. I run a glitter substance down my hair line and call it a look.

I walk out of my room in time for Ji-ae to walk out of hers. Our dorm is your not so everyday looking dorm. It’s very rich looking, elegant really. Ji-ae is wearing a galaxy print long dress with spaghetti straps and enough cleavage showing to drive a man to want to see more. Her hair is down and curled at the ends, gorgeous really, and her makeup is subtle, just eyeliner and lashes. A rose gold highlight is swiped over her cheeks, and a pretty lilac tint on her lips.

“Oh Ji-ae, Mingi is gonna go absolutely crazy over you tonight,” I exclaim.

“And so isn’t-” Ji-ae starts to say bu then shuts her mouth. “I mean- so isn’t everyone else,” She nervously chuckles out.

“Omigod, Ji-ae you know who requested me there!” I laugh out in realization.

“Yeahhhh, but I can’t tell yuh,” she says winking. You tap her arm in a ‘how could you’ way, and you both exit your dorm laughing. You both get into your navy blue- almost black Fiat 500, and go to the so said address.

________________________________________________________________

You and Ji-ae walk into the large house, and walk through the way too exposed bodies of females and smug looked men.

“Mingi said the 8 of them are in the living room on a dark green large ass couch,” Ji-ae says. “He also said you are to sit next to San and Yeosang, and I across from you next to Mingi and Hongjoong.” I nod and look for the so said couch. It’s hard to see through the crowd, let alone hear my own fucking thoughts through the booming kpop music which is their own content. Currently, Answer is playing. Finally after intense looking, I spot the green couch, and the 8 of them there with the spots for them open.

“There,” I say to Ji-ae, tapping her shoulder and pointing at the boys. We walk over to them and just looking at who I’m supposed to sit next to makes my heart drop in a matter of seconds. I mean, all of the men are drop dead gorgeous, but the one known as San is just- woooo, hot. “Bruhhh San is hot-” I say to Ji-ae as we slowly make our way over.

She giggles then looks at me with a smug look. “Good, cause he’s the one who wanted you to come.” With that comment my face instantly goes beat ass red. She only laughs at my reaction, then looks at the men. “Hello boysss, great party,” she yells plopping her ass next to Mingi, and sitting in a way that her teasing cleavage is in his direction. I slowly make my way to sit next to San, sitting a little too formally for a event like this. I’m sitting straight up and have my hands in my lap. I can see San glance at me from the corner of my eye, and I feel the blood rush to my cheeks even more.

“No need to be so formal, y/n,” Hongjoong giggles out. “Please, make yourself at home here.” Hongjoong is the leader of the group, so of course he’s the one to help comfort me.

“Oh she’s always like this at first,” Ji-ae laughs out. “She just needs to get used to her surroundings.”

“Can I get you a drink? Help sooth you down?” Wooyoung offers.

“U-uhm, sure. Something subtle tho, I’m driving us home tonight,” I say. I mutter a thanks as he passes by.

“So, Ji-ae,” San starts then looks at me, and says “Y/n.. what are your guy’s majors?”

“Oooo I have a accounting major,” Ji-ae chirps. Mingi looks at her and smiles. You can tell the man has a thing for her with the way he looks over at her and wraps his arm around her side.

“Uhm I have a English major,” I say rubbing the back of my neck.” Wooyoung comes back and hands me my drink. I take a sip and am surprised by the taste. It’s sweet, yet fruity, and definitely subtle. He hands San a water, Hongjoong a beer, and Seonghwa a vodka with lime.

“It’s called a Love Potion Vodka Cocktail,” Wooyoung says. I sit back and take another sip.

“Y/n, just sit back and drink, Mingi and Hongjoong already said we can stay the night, drink as much as you want,” Ji-ae says. I nod and take another sip. Conversation continues, and after another 3 of those drinks, I have a warm feeling, and am clearly buzzed. Illusion starts playing, and Ji-ae jumps up in excitement. “Y/N LET’S DANCE!” I take the last sip of my drink and stand up. Her and I jump around and sing/shout along to the lyrics. Hongjoong, Mingi, Yunho, and Jongho get up too joining in. Nearing the end of the song you look towards San, to see him looking at you admirably. You’re too buzzed to even be shy anymore, so you walk towards him and extend your hand out to help him up.

“C’mon, dance with us!” you yell so he can hear you. He laughs and takes your hand. You jump around and make as much contact with the man as possible. The song ends and you all sit back down. You see Ji-ae and Mingi starting to make-out on the couch and you wonder what balls it takes to be able to start something. And just like that, San snakes his arm around you and places his hand on your hip, pulling you towards him a bit. You nuzzle your head into his neck and enjoy the calm sounds of With You playing. Yeosang and Yunho already went somewhere else with these two women that were wearing extremely skimpy cloths.

Ji-ae and Mingi got up and went upstairs to do god only knows what.

“So, I heard you were the one that requested for me to come?” You say looking up at San, your faces too close, but you didn’t care. You enjoyed the feeling of his cool breath against your face.

“You weren’t supposed to know,” he said chuckling and throwing his head back in embarrassment as his cheeks grew a bit rosy. Although it was a cute thing for him to do, you couldn’t help but look at how his neck tensed and his collar bone flexed as he did so which was so hot that it sent tingles all around your body ending down at your core. You wanted to kiss up his neck, and surprisingly this wasn’t the alcohol speaking. He looked back at you smirking. “But yes, it was me.”

“Why?” You ask, placing your hand on his chest and leaning into him even more, and slinging your leg over his slightly. He took your action by surprise, and blushed a bit more.

“Uh, well, I fancy you,” he says sliding his hand up your calf and stopping it at mid thigh. His slowness was enough to make more tingles happen but slightly more fierce. You rub your thumb against his right collar bone, and you ask why again. “You’re beautiful, and kind, and Ji-ae has talked about you a lot and abut how kind and smart you are, how much of a powerful woman you can be, how you’re independent, and just everything I’ve heard and saw tonight, I’m completely infatuated with. How about you? Got your eyes on anyone?”

You chuckle and blush. “When I walked into the room, I saw a attractive young man, that I instantly got butterflies over and said it to Ji-ae, and she told me that that person had actually requested my appearance,” you say smiling at him. “And, when I sat next to him, I got even more shy than I normally get especially when the whole time I could feel his eyes on me. And now I’m trying to make the boldest decision on making move that if there wasn’t alcohol in my system, I wouldn’t be able to do.” You slide your hand up his neck and lay it at rest against his cheek, and glance at his lips then back at his eyes with a calm passionate look, mirrored back from him.

“You’re doing thing’s to that person,” he says pulling his face slightly closer, His breath more prominent against your lips.

“Oh? What ever could you mean?” You chuckle.

“Why don’t I show you?” You nod, and get off him. He gets up, along with you and takes your hand, leading up the stairs to a room that says ‘San’ in hangul on the door. You stop for a minute, letting go of his hand to trace the symbols.

“Childish,” You say looking at him, sitting on the edge of the bed. “It’s adorable.” He chuckles and signals you to come closer. You close the door, and walk over to him. Standing between his legs, he puts his hands on your hips, dragging them up and down your curves, and placing a kiss against your tum. You giggle.

He then stands up towering over you dragging his his hands up from your curves, and up your arms, leaving one to wrest at your shoulder, the other on your cheek. “You’re beautiful,” He says, bringing his face closer to yours.

“Hah, not even close, you say, bringing yours closer as well, almost close enough to touch.

“Lies, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” and with that, he finally places a peck against your lips, pulling away slightly to see your reaction, and to his surprise you leaned in for more. He pulls your body even closer to his, making you feel every inch of clothed muscle on him. His hands undo your space buns and entangle their selves in your beautiful locks, deepening the kiss, causing tingle after tingle. He lifts you up and places you on the bed, putting a thigh between your legs. He kissed down your neck, sucking and leaving dark marks that would most certainly be hard to hide the following day. He pushes his knee up into your dripping core, and groans. “Hmm, so wet for me already princess”

He unzips your dress dragging off your body, along with your fishnets and boots. To his liking, you’re not wearing a bra. He gropes at your breasts as he takes one into his mouth. You can’t help yourself but moan out in surprise. But who cares how loud you are? The music is already loud enough to confine your noises. He smirks and gently nips onto your bud with his teeth causing you to hiss in pain, but the pain was good. God- was it good. He gave the same treatment to the other side then kissed his way down your stomach to the hem of your panties. He looked up at you as he brought his face closer to your heat.

“Look at me baby,” he mutters against you, the feeling of his breath against it exciting you even more. You obey and look at him. He gives you that hard lustful look and smirks, and within seconds he licks up your clothed heat. You moan and throw your head back. “Ah-ah-ah, eyes on me gorgeous.”

You return your look to him, propping yourself up on your elbows. He drags your panties down and off of you with his teeth, and without haste, returns his lips to your slick covered core. More moans slip from your lips uncontrollably a he continues to lick and slip his tongue into you, while occasionally sucking on your clit. He sticks a digit in, which soon turns into 3, and he has you going crazy.

“S-San...” you moan out. He looks up at you, still eating you out.

“Hmm?” He says against you, the vibrations causing immense pleasure.

“San... P-please... I need you..” You moan out. He lift his head, wiping spit and your slick from his chin. He takes his shirt off and unbuttons his pants.

“Need me where, Princess” he asks you.

“In me,” You whimper out. He slides his pants and boxers down, his hard member whipping up to life, hitting his stomach, as he then towers over you leading his tip up to your entrance.

“With pleasure,” he says, slowly sliding it in, as deep as he can. You moan loudly at the sudden feeling of being stretched. Without warning, he starts thrusting in and out of you, gradually getting faster. He wraps a hand around your throat and leans forward whispering little dirty sayings into your ears.

“God you’re so tight” “Like my hand around your pretty little neck?” “You feel so good” “Fuck” “You’re so beautiful”

“S-San, hngg, h-harder,” You shout in pleasure. He does as you wish and hits you g-spot repetitively. “O-oh yes, r-right there!” You scream, feeling your release coming. You can tell San himself is close aswell, for you can feel him twitching inside. In a mature of a few more thrusts you tighten around him as your orgasms hits, sending him into over drive, and pulling out to cum on your stomach.

He plops down beside you, both breathing heavily.

“I don’t know if this is the right time to ask,” San starts to ask. You look over at him, and smile. “B-but will you go out with me?” he asks. You cup his cheek with your hand and kiss him.

“Yes, of course,” You say. You clean up his release off yourself and snuggle up to him, and the two of you fall asleep.

~ E n d ~

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gingerwritess · 5 years

Note

SPILT COFFEE WITH PRE DATING IDIOTS

ok i just realised i should be labeling these as parts of a series cause that might be REALLY confusing to new readers oop

SO this is following the dick-grab/only one chair ordeal! lets get some tension started up in here. i’m craving blushy loki and tension so this should get things moving in that direction for our pre-dating idiots ;)

part 10/infinity of Loki’s Happy Ending, masterlist is linked in my bio!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Break rooms at the Avengers tower are always...strange.

Today, there’s no “enhanced beings” or trained assassins eating donuts, it’s just a gaggle of technicians and facility operators huddle around the coffee pot.

Oh, and one probably psychopathic god-disguised-as-a-neurosurgeon-fake-boyfriend.

...that’s not even the strangest thing anymore.

You are a bit surprised to see Laing—uh, Loki—is the one in the middle. He’s the one they’re all laughing with, he’s the one telling the jokes, he’s—

“No, I think I’m going to keep her for a while, gents.”

—talking about you.

Oh, for the love of all that is holy, you just wanted some coffee.

You steel yourself for an onslaught of inevitable lying through your teeth, plastering on a small smile and pushing past Loki to get to the coffee pot.

“Gonna keep me, huh?”

A chorus of friendly chuckles goes around the little circle as Laing—god, no, Loki— just takes a sip of his own coffee with a sure “mmmhm.”

You force out a laugh. “Gee, thanks for letting me have a say in that decision, Robbie.”

“Mmhm.”

Okay. Disclaimer. You hadn’t had your coffee yet, so brain power...wasn’t on. And this might be the first time you’ve seen Laing without a lab coat, so maybe there was a blinded-by-your-fake-beauty bit of distraction as well.

Turning around with a roll of your eyes to head back out the door, you grab Laing’s chin in your free hand and plant a loud kiss on his cheek.

His entire body tenses.

...which only cracks the ceramic mug he was gripping apparently too tightly, hot coffee sloshing all down your front.

“Lok—LAING!”

Shoving him away, you grab a handful of paper towels and try to blot away the liquid, but the stain keeps spreading and Loki just stares in stunned silence as you stuff more napkins down your shirt.

The whole breakroom is watching.

A glance around brings you to a pause. “Heh...” you give a nervous laugh, reaching behind you for the god in question. “Isn’t he a weird little guy?”

Your hand fists in Laing’s shirt, dragging him right out the door behind you.

By the time you’ve shoved him into your office and slammed the door, he’s regained some smidgen of reality, not so frozen, eyes not so glazed.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” you huff, digging around your desk drawers for napkins. “I just needed to get us out of there, y’know? I don’t want people asking questions, not many humans can break a mug like that—”

“Why did you do that?”

He’s still standing in the doorway, still Dr. Laing, still holding the broken handle from the coffee mug.

“Do what?”

“You know.” He takes a cautious step towards you, taking the idea of side-eye-ing to a whole new level.

“What, give you a kiss?” Straightening back up with a sigh, you resolve to just try to soak up the stain on your shirt with tissues. “We’re dating, Laing, and since you’d decided to use me as gossip material, I thought you’d appreciate me ‘acting the part.’”

He falls silent, watching your every move as you swipe furiously as the giant brown stain on your shirt.

“I don’t.”

You glance up at him, eyebrow quirking. “So don’t act the part?”

“Don’t...touch me,” he slowly replies, turning a piece of broken mug over in his fingers.

“Okay...that’s not going to make for a very convincing act, but you got it.” Something about him seems to have turned almost nervous, so you shoot him a small smile. “No touching.”

He nods, clasping his hands behind his back.

The way he rocks up onto the balls of his feet is very uncharacteristic.

A little bit childish. Completely unintimidating.

Ever since that unfortunate accidental dick grab, you’ve tried to make sure that Loki knows that it was an accident. This can’t get any more awkward than it already is, but now with that almost-accidental kiss going over so well...

Here goes nothing.

“So how’s work?”

His head cocks to one side. “Why do you care?”

“Just trying to make conversation.” You shrug and try for another smile, but his eyes narrow.

“We don’t have to speak to each other.”

“You’re just bursting with rainbows and butterflies, aren’t you.”

“Clearly.”

“Fine,” you sigh, giving up on trying to clean your shirt and slumping back in your desk chair. “I forgot, I’m just your pretty little pork chop. Don’t need to talk or anything—”

“That’s quite enough, little sausage.”

Standing abruptly from your desk, you round the corner in two steps and stomp towards this insufferable fake doctor, hand raised and hurtling through the air towards his face.

He catches your wrist before the satisfying—but completely pointless—smack echoes through the room.

“Don’t touch me,” he growls, switching back to Loki in the blink of an eye. “Next time, you lose your hand.”

“Then don’t talk to me like that.” You try to struggle out of his grip, but he holds you tight.

“Fine.”

“Fine! Now let go of me!”

He drops your wrist with a roll of his eyes, stepping away from you as you do the same, glaring as hard as you can possibly manage.

It’s been a while since you saw his real person, saw the real Loki, you realise. Maybe that was for the best.

You can’t help but stare, trying your best to turn it into a disapproving glare, but knowing you’re failing.

Loki’s decaying.

Literally, his body looks like it’s sinking in on itself: he’s thin, thinner than before so you know it can’t be healthy, and one look into his eyes shakes you to the core—skeletal.

His eyes are sunken, greying. Hair knotted and greasy, cheeks hollow, he raises a tired eyebrow at you.

“Seen enough?”

You thickly swallow your pride.

“Where are you living, Loki?”

“I’m not moving in with you,” he drones, kicking out one of the chairs in your office and lowering himself into it—every move looks like it could break him.

“Okay...wasn’t gonna offer, but good to know.”

“Most nights I stay in a lab here,” he quietly continues. “Just using a cloaking spell. I know I look terrible, you don’t have to remind me.”

“When was the last time you showered??”

“Laing showers every night. I can’t exactly waltz into the showers whenever I want.”

“So things you do as Laing don’t actually help...you?”

He shakes his head with a thin smile. “The one casting the illusions still exists, separate from that which they cast. It’s not meant for long term arrangements.”

Your mind is reeling. No wonder he looks so awful, if nothing he does in one form helps the other—

“Oh my god, Loki.” Your eyes widen in shocked realisation. “When was the last time you ate??”

“I just had a pastry with my coffee,” he frowns, running a hand through his tangled hair. “You saw me, I spilled it all over you.”

“No, Laing had breakfast. When did Loki?”

He thinks for a moment, pointedly avoiding your gaze.

“I don’t count the days.”

You steel yourself and point at your desk. “Under the desk, Loki. Don’t argue.”

He laughs, raising his eyebrows at you. “Going to turn me in, now that you know my weakness? Should’ve known.”

“No.” You snap your fingers, pointing at the desk again. “You’re gonna take a nap while I go get you some food. You’re gonna sleep, not Laing, not fake Loki, you. C’mon.”

“I most certainly am not—”

“Yes, you are. You’re a couple of days away from dying, Loki, and I don’t want to have to explain how my fake boyfriend died for the next few months.”

Okay, that was too easy.

He gets up, nearly stumbling as he trudges to your desk, narrowed, tired eyes on you the entire way.

You’re expecting him to argue, to threaten you for speaking in such a condescending manner—but he sinks to his knees, gripping the edge of the desk for support, and curls into a little ball under your desk.

You don’t know what to say. Or do. Or think. This is...new.

“I’m desperate,” he calls out hoarsely, eyelids already drooping. “That’s the only reason you win.”

“What?”

“If you use this opportunity to betray me, I’m past the point of caring.”

“I’m not going t—”

“When you do,” he cuts back in, “I won’t blame you.”

I suppose he is taking a rather large leap of faith here, choosing to trust you enough to conceal him.

“Just, um, sleep.” You flash him a slightly awkward smile to which he nods, and you turn for the door, flicking off the lights. “I’ll get some food.”

Silence, save for a few ragged breaths that gradually slow to a steady pace.

This is a perfect opportunity to turn him in.

He practically admitted defeat.

But he hasn’t hurt anyone, done anything for the past month; if anything, he’s actually helped people.

In fact, the god hugging his knees to his chest under your desk, immediately slipped into an exhausted rest, seems nothing like the crazed god who led a swarm of aliens to conquer your planet.

Nothing.

You push the thought of reporting him from your mind, focusing on the bigger question:

What in all hell do you feed a dying god??

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

feel free to send me ideas!!

if you enjoyed…what if i linked my venmo…haha no i jest…no obligations….just in case….u don’t have to ha ha…….unless… ??

~ masterlist link in my bio ~

loki tags: @bluediamond007 @himitoshi @drakesfiance @destiel1597 @dangertoozmanykids101 @archy3001 @jcalpha1 @yzssie @skullvieplu @forthesnakeofdragons @skulliebythesea @wegingerangelica @storiesfrommirkwood @agarwaeneth @adaliamalfoy @laurfangirl424 @paradisaicsam @fitzsimmons-is-forever @ladylokimischief @katelinwrites @tarynkauai @polaristrange @loavesofmeat @canadian-ravenpuff-multishipper @lou-makes-me-strong @holyn0vak @chocolatealmondmillk @swtnrholland @kenzieam @jessiejunebug @catticas @the-republic-and-face-of-texas @doralupin01 @whitewitchdown @atomiccharmer @falconfeather23435 @babygirlicecream @avengrcs @vethrvolnir2 @bookgirlunicorn @wabisabigrl @myhealingstar @khaleesi-marvel @ei77777 @spacecrumbs @scarlettghost13 @rocks-are-pretty-odd @confessionsofastrugglingteen @easilydistractedwriter @arttasticgreatnessoftheawesome77 @fluffyllamaswearinghats @milktearose @lcyouinhell @h0tshotholland @dontmesswithmemundane @southsidesarcasticwriter @helnik-s @lilith-akemi @fire-in-her-veinz @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt @mischievousbellerina @kcd15 @mellowgirl01 @lokislilcaribbeanprincess @allthingzhiddleston @scorpionchild81 @lokixme @blue-automne @galaxycharmed @devilbat @kangaroobunny @end-up-well @planetariumx @sarcsep @mrfandomtastic @amaru163 @im-way-too-many-fandoms @caswinchester2000 @kybaeza @wester-than-west @vintagesunshinebitch @adefectivedetective @poetic-nikolai @moonduhsted @kerri-masson @iamverity @innaminitus @spnbarnes @narcissxblack @woohoney @anxiousamandapanda @padmeisgay @authordreaming13 @lokisironthrone @theunknowinglys @highfuncti0ningfangirl @epicfallenismine @stubby-toe-589331 @fandomnerdsarecool @retrofantasyland @arch-venus25 @forever-trapped-in-my-dreams @littleredstarfish @marshyrebelcloud @okie–loki @atterodominatus @stfxlou @pandacookieowo @tonakings @shinisenko @tinchentitri

#loki x reader #loki reader insert #loki slowburn #loki fake dating #loki enemies to lovers #loki imagine #pre-dating idiots

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poisonedapples · 4 years

Text

The Dark Side of Christmas

Summary: Christmas is known as the happiest, most welcoming time of year. But when you’re Roman, that’s not always the case.

TRIGGERS: Roman has PTSD but it’s not stated by name in the fic, fighting, swearing, mentions of past shootings, mention of a car accident/explosion, blood. panic, past death and grieving, mental health problems, anxiety, dissociation and flashbacks, Christmas, tell me if you notice any more, cause this one has a lot

Note: HAPPY LATE HOLIDAY! This was supposed to be done by Christmas, but this month has Sucked so I’m using that as my excuse. My friend @theultimatemomfriend was my secret santa for something I did in the Powerless server, so here is your gift mixed with my own self indulgence! Hope you like it <3

But also , thank you to @romansleftshoulderpad and @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 for saving me some time and editing it for me. I appreciate you two

He was driving in a car.

She was screaming at him at the top of her lungs, all about how he was a failure, couldn’t do simple things, is only a disappointment to everyone that’s ever known him. The screaming was like a concert speaker right next to his ear; loud, loud, loud.

He couldn’t steer in these conditions. Not with a rocky road that bent in so many directions, a skinny single lane on a cliff with traffic cones instead of a protective railing. His foot was all the way on the brake, yet the car was speeding down the road faster than he’s ever driven before. The tires were screeching. She was still yelling.

It’s so loud.

She jumped on top of him suddenly, grabbing a hold of his neck with her long nails digging into his throat. Everything burned, he couldn’t breathe, and no one was steering the car anymore.

It’s so loud.

High pitched screeching echoed from nowhere. She was still screaming in his ear while his neck fell asleep, desperately trying to pull away her hand in order to breathe.

You’re going to die.

The car fell down the cliff. Completely on its side, such a smooth yet loud fall, the car came crashing into the woods under it, fire consuming his sight and all of his brain, the loud crash coming to a complete, deafening silence after an overwhelming boom.

Roman’s body jerked awake.

He scrunched up his shoulders to immediately cover the tingling part of his neck where he was being strangled in his dream. His mind was foggy while his body felt ready to run a marathon, heart beating fast and every inch of his skin shaking violently. Roman curled into a ball trying to calm down in the pitch black room, to no avail.

Phone. Phone. Phone has light, where’s my phone-

Roman’s Rapunzel figure on his bedside table crashed to the floor from his lack of coordination, pretty stones meant for healing and love moving out of their places and into undusted territory. Roman dropped his phone on his chest once he grabbed it but was only grateful it didn’t hit the floor this time, turning on the bright screen and blinding his eyes.

It was better than the darkness.

5:48 AM, his clock said, the lock screen blurry-looking because of Roman’s unfocused eyes and the tears pricking out certainly not helping. But he could tell there were no notifications over the night.

It’s always weird when he has to delete the Instagram app. His phone doesn’t buzz nearly as much without it.

He unlocked his phone and opened up one of his word puzzle game apps. Although it pained him to admit that Logan was right, lighthearted thinking games helped him on nights like these. Where all he needed was to calm down, but no people were around to help him with that.

As the game loaded and he was wondering what words to make with the letters F, I, G, U, E, and R, Roman clung tightly to his giant stuffed animal Magic Bitch the Queen, a rainbow pegacorn that was perfect for squishing. The name only made it better. Weirdly more calming.

Things were calming down. He definitely won’t be able to go back to sleep tonight, but given the date it was a miracle he felt as calm as he did—

“Virgil, quiet down-”

“I’ll do whatever the fuck I want!”

“Virgil!”

...Nevermind.

Roman curled in on himself at the sound of the yelling. He hated fighting. He hated it with a burning passion, loud noises made him jump out of his skin and it was only worse when it was them yelling. They’re usually a lot more calm when Roman is around, but sometimes things just...got out of hand.

This was one of those times.

“This bitch thinks he can just walk in here and act like he owns the damn place! Well newsflash fucker, you’re not the only person who cares about Roman! Stop acting like you can fucking control him!”

“I’m not controlling him! Is it a crime for me to want to care about my own brother!? Last time I checked, you’re not family!”

“Remus-“

“Oh cram it, calculator watch!”

“Go fuck yourself, you walking STD!”

“Virgil Foster! If you end up waking Roman, I swear-”

Patton paused mid sentence when he saw the figure standing in the middle of the steps. Everyone looked over at Roman, his hand fiddling with the end of his sleeve and way too tired eyes. His posture a little too straight, smile so dead it was hardly a smile at all. “It’s alright, Pat. I was awake anyway.”

“I assume another nightmare?” Logan asked.

Roman went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cupboard. Filling it with milk until it was overflowing, Roman smiled. “You know me so well.”

Patton’s face grew concerned while he chugged some of the milk, Remus crossing his arms and glaring at Virgil. “You wouldn’t be having these problems if you’d stayed at my place instead of this dump.”

“This dump is our home, trash panda. Watch your fucking mouth.”

“Ironic.” Remus towered over Virgil with his hands on his hips when he stepped closer, Virgil hissing when he got too close. “All I’m saying is that isn’t it better for Roman to be with family who can help, instead of stuck in the same place that caused all this in the first place? With people who don’t even understand?”

“You know that I’m here, right? That I can hear you talking about me? Cause I can hear you talking about me.”

“Or maybe he needs to be around family that actually cares instead of being around the same deadbeat bastard who only comes visit to be the same pile of dog shit he makes everyone step in!”

Patton sighed. “Virgil, please stop. Can we please just go back to bed? Without all the fighting?”

The looks on Remus’ face was too taunting. Blood boiled in Virgil’s veins from three weeks of dirty glares at each other while he watched his best friend curl around him for comfort instead of anyone else. The cockiness of him trying to take Roman off to Florida for the holiday, like he was the only one who cared. He hated his stupid gross smile and how Roman snickered at his dirty jokes, he hated how he was genuinely helping and how useless their help was.

How threatening this bitch actually made him feel. But Virgil refused to lose.

“I’ll go to bed when this bitch stops acting like he can walk into my fucking house and act like he owns the fucking place! Eat my food, use my water, and steal my fucking friend because apparently this human embodiment of the feeling you get right before you fucking projectile vomit is the reincarnation of Christ!”

“Virgil!”

“And I’ll go to bed when this ‘Roman’s my best friend’ wannabe stops getting in between my family because his self esteem’s so low in the ground that sharks can have sex on it!”

“Fuck you!”

“JUST SHUT UP!”

Everyone paused when Roman screamed, his hand too weak to hold onto his glass and his hands shaking too hard to fiddle with the end of his sleeve anymore. His eyes were glassy and his chest felt like it was caving in on itself, with evil butterflies chewing apart his ribs and leaving hollow discomfort. Patton’s eyes went soft as he slowly approached Roman, keeping a loose grip on his hand and saying something to him that Roman wasn’t listening to in order to calm him down. But he was just tired. So tired. Tired of the yelling and the fear and the everything that he just wanted to get away.

So he did.

“Roman?” It was all he’d heard from Pat even after all his talking, but Roman still decided to ignore it. He quickly slipped on some shoes and grabbed his coat from the closet, opening the front door without another word.

Patton’s eyes widened when he realized what was happening. “Roman, wait-“

But just like that, the door had slammed behind him and he was making his way down the street.

He could already see his therapist’s “I don’t get paid enough for the shit you put me through” face when he eventually talks about this, but that was future Roman’s problem.

...He still had no clue where he was going.

That was always the worst part about Roman’s “run away from your problems” habit. He never had any plan. He could end up three towns over, he could end up across the street. In one of the first incidents, he ended up at a McDonald’s right on the outskirts of the state and fell asleep in the bathroom stall. When he called Logan and told him where he was, it was an hour drive to come get him since they didn’t trust him to drive back in his state. That’s why they first started looking for a therapist for him.

He wished he had his car this time. Walking around in freezing weather with pajama pants is cold.

Roman made his way down the hill where the house was to head downtown, where a good handful of stores were open at every time of day. He needed the heat.

“Eileen, you will pay for making me lose my beauty sleep.”

“You’ll be okay. It wasn’t working for you anyway.”

“...Hey!”

...And the distraction.

It was at 11:30 when Ellie woke him up. Dragging him out of bed and making him help her “sneak” out—if you could call going through the front door sneaking—, they ended up in a supermarket at around midnight on Christmas Eve.

“I got Remus this giant ass octopus stuffed animal that was literally like ninety dollars, but I need a gag gift for him. Something completely and utterly stupid, and I need you to help me look for it. So I can go home sooner.”

“A giant octopus isn’t a gag gift to you?”

“He’ll love it and you know it.”

“...Touche. Maybe just get him toilet paper?”

“Too enjoyable. Too useful. He’ll set the rolls on fire in the backyard or something.”

“...Nevermind then!”

The first store Roman found with its lights still on was a small convenience store next to a gas station. His legs were starting to get slow from the cold, teeth chattering slightly with his arms tucked close to his body like a penguin.

Roman went inside.

“Oh my God, Roman, it’s perfect.”

“What is it?”

“‘Maybe you touched your balls’ hand sanitizer. I’m getting five.”

Roman tried not to laugh too hard, especially when the store was so quiet at this hour, but he couldn’t help it. With slight sleep deprivation and the look on his sister’s face, Roman burst out a laugh and gave Ellie a lazy push. Ellie took five of the hand sanitizers and piled them in her hands, making their way toward the checkout.

Alone in a store on the night of Christmas Eve.

Roman didn’t want to think about it, but then again, he never did. And every time he focused on one thing, half of his brain was still on his sister.

His throat felt weird.

“I’m dreaming of a white...christmas…”

Ellie was basically skipping on her way to the checkout. She loved old Christmas songs, and not being able to resist the temptation to perform must be another “Sanders Siblings” thing.

Roman was staring at the chip aisle when his chest started to expand, his hands growing weak and absolute fear taking over. Why was breathing so hard? What is it now?

His eyes became glassy again, his vision becoming more distant and distorted until he couldn’t tell what he was looking at. But his ears seemed to focus on something else. Something so distant but close at the same time, ringing in his ears while he felt like he was looking through a TV screen.

“And since we’ve no place to go...let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…”

Fuck. Shit. Roman started fumbling in his pockets for earbuds, but in his haste to leave the house, they were forgotten in his room. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

He could hear the silence of the store, but in the back of his brain he could feel the sound of gunshots.

“He’s alive, but he’s been hit around five times. Get him in the ambulance.”

He knew there wasn’t hands on him. He knew there wasn’t any blood, his or otherwise, on the floor. But it sure as hell didn’t feel like it.

“Duck!”

There was no figure that caught Roman’s eye as they made their way to checkout. There was no moment of adrenaline as he tried to cover his sister, ducking for cover while people walking down the street also screamed. There was no glass breaking. There was no shots of pain as he realized the blood on the floor was his. There was no noise. No screaming. No sirens or commands being shouted or deafening silence that made Roman want to scream. It didn’t exist.

But it didn’t feel like it.

He didn’t know how to work his limbs, his body felt fake and his vision was just a TV screen looking at a world that felt anything but real. His ribs felt like they should be in pain for more than just his shaky breaths and his back should be cold from the hard floor instead of being supported by a cooler door.

What was the pattern again? Three things you can hear—wait, no, fuck, what was it? What was it?

There was blood going through his jacket and blood on his fingers. His thumb was cut from a piece of glass and he couldn’t move off the floor. As tight as he could, he kept a grip on his older sister. The hand sanitizers had sprawled out across the floor, the hands that were holding them now lied lifeless in Roman’s grip.

Roman heard something. More than the music, that stupid fucking music, but he could focus. He wanted to cough until he could breathe again, he wanted to be here, without a single doubt that history can't repeat itself. But trauma doesn’t work that way.

Shooting down on Taft Avenue. Four injured, one dead.

“Roman, hey, it’s just me, it’s just Virgil—shit, hey, it’s alright, focus on me. Let me get you out of here, okay? God you’re heavy, okay-”

It’s Virgil. It’s just Virgil. No Ellie, Ellie’s dead, Ellie’s been dead, it’s just Virgil, he’s here.

Thank God.

“Here, just listen to this for a bit. You’re the reason I have a Disney playlist, I hope you know that.”

They were in a car now. Roman could feel the pressure of Virgil’s bulky headphones on his ears, as well as the start up to Tiana’s “Almost There”, even if his hands he was staring at still didn’t feel like his own. The explosion in his chest lessened some, even if his breaths were still short and it was a miracle he wasn’t sobbing yet.

Virgil moved one of the ends of the headphones to the side. “Feeling a little better?”

Talking took so much energy, way too much energy, but he’d worried Virgil enough for one day. “...Yeah…”

“Do you need the volume turned down?”

“...Maybe.”

The music got a little quieter, and Roman felt his body relax a little more. He didn’t even realize it was overwhelming him.

“Alright...now, five things you can see?”

“Virge-“

“Five things you can see, fucker, let me help you.”

Roman let out a huff of a laugh, but looked around anyway. “Uh...you, carseat, wheel...um...the thing…”

“Thing?” Virgil looked around. “...You mean glove compartment?”

“...Yeah, that.”

“Okay, one more.”

“...Coat?”

“Alright, four things you can hear?”

“Music, heater, uh...I don’t know…”

“Can you hear me?”

“...Now I can.”

Virgil laughed. “That’s good enough, I’ll take three. Three things you can touch?”

“...Headphones, coat, seat.”

“Alright, good...two things to smell?”

Blood. “Pat’s air freshener, and the fact that you haven’t showered.”

Virgil lightly punched him in the arm, Roman letting out a small laugh through a shaky smile. “And I bet what you’re tasting is the fact that you haven’t brushed your teeth.”

“...I did not come here to get roasted.”

Virgil shook his head in amused disappointment at him, but started the car and put it in reverse. Roman sighed, looking out the window at the soft snowflakes and lights on houses that made his stomach curl. He hated this holiday. All it did was bring back bad memories, every corner surrounded in his triggers and nightmares increasing tenfold with the stress. He wanted to go home. He didn’t know where home was.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Roman looked over at Virgil, with his knuckles turning white on the steering wheel as he tapped nervously. Roman rubbed at his eyes. “Do you want to? I heard you and Remus.”

“This isn’t about me, it’s fine.”

“You’re my best friend and he’s my brother. It involves me too.”

Virgil didn’t answer. He kept his eyes on the road intently, and Roman wondered if he should just put the headphones back on his ear and let that be that. But he really didn’t want them to keep fighting, so it’s better to at least make an attempt, right?

Roman put the headphones around his neck. “We were buying his gift.”

“What?”

“The night Ellie died. Her and Remus had a little tradition of getting each other a gift and a gag gift. The older we got, the more inappropriate they became, which was very ‘them’, in all honesty. She had forgotten to get it earlier though, so she took me to the store at midnight on Christmas Eve so we could pick something out. And that’s when the shooting happened.

Virgil didn’t react, but Roman gave him a tired smile. “I’m fairly certain that’s why he gets so protective. He feels like he caused it somehow, so he tries to solve all my problems on his own. It’s sweet in its own way.”

Virgil hit the break roughly at a stop sign. “Well now I feel like an asshole.”

“...You were a little bit of a bitch. But I don’t blame you, since so was he.”

“I just wanna help you too, you know? I get it, he’s your brother and all that shit, but he’s not the only person who cares about you, so he can back the fuck off. Especially when he’s spending time in my fucking house.”

“You say that like three other people don’t pay rent.”

“It’s my house when it’s convienent to my argument, fuck off.”

Roman laughed, Virgil taking a turn to a stoplight and waiting. “I just want you two to work things out. We can talk once I go home, take my meds, and at least sleep for two hours.”

“Only two hours? You’re starting to become me, Princey.”

“It’s an anxiety disorder buddies thing.”

“Fuck yeah, anxiety disorder buddies. Who can’t wait for therapy to start up again.”

Roman pumped a fist up lazily. “Next thursday!”

“Next thursday mother fucker!”

They both started to laugh, the soft glow of the read light and the headlights of passing cars being strangely calming. Roman’s eyes felt so heavy, the glassy tears he still had sealing his eyelids together like glue. “Wake me up when we get there.” He mumbled.

“And if you have another nightmare?”

“We get there when we get there.”

Roman heard one last soft laugh before his body went still. He wasn’t completely peaceful, but at least he was sleeping. It would be enough for now.

Virgil didn’t wake him up when they got home. It took both him and Remus to be able to carry him inside, but they managed to do it without waking him up permanently. He moved, but at least he managed to sleep some.

When he wakes up, they’ll fuss at him for running away and Patton will hug him close for Roman’s comfort and his own. He’ll make Remus and Virgil talk peacefully about each other without too much complaining until they can at least stand to be in the same room as each other. Then when things are calm, the brothers will cry when they remember the date, and Patton will give them blankets and hugs while the other two stand around a little awkwardly until it’s lunch time. Neither of them will eat much, but leftovers exist for a reason. They’ll be taken care of.

But for now, Roman will sleep.

174 notes · View notes

peterthepark · 5 years

Text

crush culture - [three]

come on, take my hand

pairing: steve harrington x reader (university & modern au)

summary: ice skating and late night endeavors always lead to something good. especially when steve likes holding your hand.

warnings: fluff, uses of social media, strong language, cuteness overload

A/N: chapter was inspired by dumb stuff by LANY! check them out! such a good band <3

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You chuckle brightly as your phone lights up for the third time in a row, buzzing softly with a notification from Steve. Shoving a spoonful of Chinese take-out into your mouth, you type back, blissfully unaware of the mischievous looks that your roommates give you.

He’s been texting you for weeks - whether it be to check in on you, or ask about your day, or to share new music with you. Steve truly meant it when he had said that he enjoyed your company. You didn’t mind the sudden companionship between the two of you, becoming closer to Steve couldn’t make you any happier. But you did wonder if he felt the same way, based on his flirtatious innuendos and his cheeky comments.

What if you were simply trying to see what you wanted to: that he liked you back?

“When we said text Steve, we didn’t mean text Steve.” Kate smirks, twisting her fork into the chow-mein. “You guys have been at it nonstop, huh?”

You shrug, locking your phone. “He’s just being friendly.” Robin huffs loudly, groaning as she leans back against the chair. “I don’t wanna jump to conclusions, Ro. And I really don’t wanna rush into things, either. We don’t need another Jake situation.”

“God, I forget about that asshole.” She laughs bitterly, fists clenching at the mention of his name. “Piece of shit.”

Kate continues making conversation, talking amongst herself with Robin as you return to the messages on your phone.

what are u doing todayyy?

nothing rlly, gonna relax my ass off since it’s already break 🎄

You bite down on your thumb, before continuing to type away.

what about you?

The grey ellipse appears on the screen, bouncing as Steve begins to reply - only for it to disappear shortly thereafter, where you found yourself left on read. You frowned, hoping that you hadn’t lost his interest. Giving him a couple of minutes, you slip your phone away, dragging your feet to the front door to grab the mail as you thought of worst case scenarios.

You pull open the mailbox, sticking your hand inside to grab the pile of white envelopes and coupons from the local market. Shifting through the papers, you take notice of a few important letters, eyebrows raised when you see one sent from London. A breeze brushes past your calves, and you turn in surprise to the sound of a small, chiming bell. Pedaling in circles around you, Steve plants his foot on the concrete, pulling the red bike to a stop.

“Hey!” You laugh heartily, putting the stack of mail under your arm.

Steve grabs the drink carrier in the basket of his bike, handing you a hot cup of coffee with a shy grin. He sports a grey beanie, and little wings of his hair pop out from beneath the fabric.

Adorable.

“I just wanted to repay you for that last time.” He remarks, “If I remembered correctly, it’s your favorite.”

“Thank you, Steve.” Your fingers brush against his as you generously accept the cup, ignoring the nervous tremble in your voice. “How’s your morning so far?”

“It’s alright. Better now. Thanks to you.” His head charmingly bobs to the side. Dipping your heads, you both blush with bashful smiles. “But I, uh, just finished my newspaper route around the neighborhood. And I’m headin’ back to my place.”

“Yeah? Maybe we could hang out today or something?” You shrug in suggestion, unsure of your words. “If you’re not busy.”

Steve smiles faintly before he nods his head in agreement. He tries to seem as calm as possible towards your question, but internally, he was truly exploding with butterflies. Has a girl ever made him feel this way after such a long time? It had been years since he genuinely felt the fantastical flutter in his stomach. And most importantly, it had been years since he oh-so-badly wanted to purse a girl as much as he wanted to pursue you. The littlest things that you’d do would send him into a captivated trance - like the way you’d let the sleeves of your sweater hang over your palms, cupping themselves around the heat of your coffee.

He was crushing on you.

A sliver of him didn’t sit well with the feeling. He’s always had a bit of trust issues with girls, especially after his past three ex-girlfriends. He forgot how crushes made him feel starry-eyed and lively, like he was on top of the whole world.

But who’s to say he wasn’t complaining about said crush? He likes you. End of story. Did he want to be something more? Maybe. If you’d let him.

More like if he’d let himself.

“Do you wanna come inside for a little?” You point at your apartment, swaying gently.

He hums undecidedly, as if he were making a tough decision. “Is it okay with your roommates?”

Robin and Kate lose their minds as soon as Steve walks through the door. Of course, they try to seem as subtle as possible with their excitement - not wanting to reveal the fact that you had feelings for Steve - but clearly, they were doing a terrible job in doing so. Kate would roughly nudge you in his direction, while Robin would wiggle her eyebrows at him. When Steve would have his back turned to them, they’d pretend to make-out in a comically exaggerated way. Ever the support system.

You offer him a combination of breakfast-lunch-and-dinner, sliding over a plate of the take-out from earlier. Steve rejects out of courtesy, but you respectfully insist, which causes him to, in the end, accept the food (mainly because he was unable to resist the pout on your face, and who wouldn’t say no to good ol’ Chinese food?) You sit and talk together at the dining table - him munching on Mongolian beef while you take careful sips from the latte he’d given you. Robin and Kate would butt into your conversation a few times, mostly to get to know Steve, asking him questions that you’d think only your family would ask.

Eventually, you retreat to your bedroom, cockily challenging him to a game of Mario Kart. You sit against your headboard, thumbs mashing the triggers as you speed past Steve.

“I’m telling you, Harrington. You can never win against me.” You giggle at him, pointing at the screen with your controller as you victoriously cross the finish line.

“You’re cheating!” He shouts, eyes wide with disbelief at how you managed to win again.

You turn to him, sending him a skeptical look. “There’s no cheating in Mario Kart! How could I possibly cheat?”

“Okay, fair. Then that means you must’ve hacked the game. There’s like no way. You’ve won like five times!”

Playfully, you toss your hair over your shoulder, finding amusement at the way he tries to stifle a laugh at your antics. “I’m just that good, Steve.”

In denial, Steve calls for another rematch, forcing you to pick a different character this time because he just doesn’t believe that you’re actually winning through Toad. Instead, you blindly pick Princess Peach, and Steve sticks with playing as the classic Mario. And to your downfall, you lose.

“Ha! I fucking knew it! Cheater!”

“Steve! I am not!”

“Yes! You won every damn time with Toad and now you’ve lost as Peach? Y/N, that’s some shady ass shit.” He gestures animatedly, wagging a finger at you.

“Uhuh. Go on. Go on. Bask in your victory. How many times have you won? Once?”

Cockily (and clearly fed up with your shit-talking), Steve asks for another match, this time, challenging you to a race around Rainbow Road. However, you lose again, causing Steve to win by one round.

“Hell yeah!” Rejoicing, he tosses the controller onto the bed. He throws his hands up, playing an imaginary trumpet with apparent joy that makes you smile.

“Oh, please. I let you win.”

“Nu-uh. I doubt it. You wanna know why?”

“Enlighten me.”

His voice drops to a whisper, tickling your ear as he leans closer into you. “I’m just that good.” You roll your eyes at his mocking tone, copying the words that you had said earlier with confidence.

“Keep telling yourself that. It’ll manifest someday.” You snort, pushing his shoulder. “Okay, so does the loser still get punishment?”

“I’m a man of my word.” He winks at you. “This isn’t necessarily a punishment though.”

“Oh?”

His chest rumbles as he chuckles, “More of an - an invitation that you can’t say no to.”

He couldn’t possibly...

“There’s this holiday ice skating thing downtown.” He starts, fiddling with the loose thread at the end of his sweater as he raises his head to meet your dumbfounded stare. “Come with me, Y/N?”

Was he asking you on a date?

Speechless, you stutter, cheeks heating up with sudden shyness. “Of course. I mean, I can’t say no, right?”

You exchange laughter, legs brushing up against each other as you scoot further up the bed.

“But do you want to say no?”

His eyes flicker up to meet your gaze. His brown eyes are intense, swirling with curiosity and anticipation as he awaits your response. With the hand furthest from your view, he crosses his pointer and middle finger over each other, silently sending a prayer to the universe that you’d say something that wouldn’t break his poor heart.

“Steve,” You shake your head. “I’d say yes even if I did have a choice.” He bites down on his bottom lip, feeling his heart pound from your words. “So, tonight?”

“Tonight. I’ll pick you up.” His arm brushes up against yours, and you suddenly become dizzy with all the emotions you were experiencing. “Sounds alright?”

“Sounds perfect, actually.”

Sighing, you stare at your reflection in the mirror, fingers playing with the loose strands of hair that wouldn’t stay in place. You readjust the earmuffs on your head, patting them down with a growing smile. From outside, you hear the soft ring of the doorbell echo through the hallways. With one final outfit-check, you slip your backpack over your shoulders then pick at your bubble jacket for any ugly stains or threads.

“Y/N! Steve is here!” You puff out your cheeks at Robin’s shout, giving yourself a brief pep talk before you’re barreling towards the front door. Robin grins proudly at you, placing her hands on your shoulders with a content look. “Don’t make an idiot out of yourself.”

You chuckle, placing your hands over hers. “Thanks. I’ll be sure not to.” She pulls you into a hug, whispering in your ear to call her if anything goes wrong. Turning the knob of the door, you’re met with Steve on your doorstep.

He smiles widely when he raises his head, face softening when he sees how cozy you look. “Hey.”

“Hi.” You shut the door behind you.

“Y-You ready to go?” He gestures at the motorcycle parked on your street - red and white, and all Steve Harrington.

“We’re going on that?” Realizing how rude that must’ve sounded, you continue. “I... motorcycles are just - they - I’ve never been on one, so...”

“There’s a first time for everything.” He laughs, scratching his jaw. Noticing your uneasy expression, he reaches out to touch your forearm. “Hey... you’ll be fine. You’ll love it.”

You sit behind Steve, calming yourself down as he starts up the bike. Wordlessly, he hands you his helmet.

“Are you sure? What about you?”

He shrugs, “Take it. Want you to be safe.” You place the helmet over your head, shivering from the cold. “You gonna hold on now or what?”

“Huh?” Steve takes your hands in his, placing them over his stomach so that your arms wrap tightly around his waist. “Oh, right. Yeah. Of course.”

Your breathing halts for a minute as he revs the engine, before he’s pulling into the street carefully. You squeak as he drives faster, whizzing past cars and stuck taxis. The chilly wind blows through your hair, and you can’t help the laugh that escapes your throat. Steve feels his heart grow at the sound, glancing back at you when the stoplight turns red.

Beautiful. Gorgeous. Pretty. No word in the world could describe you. But perfect seemed like a close one.

Steve helps you off the motorcycle, holding your hand as you hop down. The ice rink is filled with people, while Christmas music plays faintly over the speakers by the bleachers. He doesn’t let go of your hand; neither of you utter a word about it as you walk over to the rental skates. The only time he pulls away is when he puts his ice skates on, tugging on the laces expertly before he offers to fix yours. You don’t reject, laughing at the mess of strings you had accidentally created. His hand finds its place with yours when you head into the rink, holding onto the sides for support as you both get yourselves accustomed to the slippery ice.

Soon, you and Steve start to race each other around, nearly bumping into strangers as you glide past him. He grasps your hand before you can escape, which causes you to fall back into his chest from the sudden action. Steve instantly catches you, holding you by your hips before you can plummet to the hard, cold ground.

“Easy there, tiger.” He laughs against your skin, cold breath nipping at your neck. You blush, finding your footing once more. You spin around to face him, eyes trailing over the snowflakes that line the ridges of his beanie. “Did I tell you how, um, how cute you look... tonight?”

“Steve...”

“I mean, you look cute everyday but the whole...” He points at his ears. “...the whole earmuff thing brought out the - your - your cuteness.”

Just as flustered as you, he leans beside you against the rink’s fence, blinking up at the stars. You look over to him; you count the freckles on his jaw and the way the corner of his mouth turns up into a shy smile when he catches your eye. You dig the bladed toe of your skate into the ice, planting yourself in place as Steve slowly angles his body towards you. His hand comes to rest behind you, then his face is merely inches from yours. You hold your breath. Steve’s gaze flickers down to your lips, and the bridge of his nose gently grazes against yours. His head lowers while he parts his lips and closes his eyes.

He’s going to kiss you.

Until your phone buzzes loudly, and you groan in irritation. Steve’s face falls, and he tears his longing stare away from your lips when you step back to answer it.

Fucking hell.

“Hello?” Your voice is weak, raspy as if Steve had already kissed the life out of you - which he didn’t. Because you just got interrupted. “Kate? Yeah. What do you mean I... oh, fuck. You guys aren’t at home anymore? Fuck. Yeah, okay. Thanks. No, I’ll figure it out. It’s fine. I swear. Alright, bye.”

“Everything okay?” Steve sounds disappointed, but also worried, based on the tone of your voice.

“I left my freaking keys back at the apartment.” You laugh bitterly, cursing under your breath. “Kate and Robin had to go to Levi’s for something urgent and they won’t be back till like later-later.”

“Oh.”

“Yup.”

“Then come back to my place.”

What? Your jaw falls open at his words, and you rub your eyes to make sure that you aren’t dreaming.

“Are you sure? I could always find someone else and-“

“No, no. It’s okay. Plus, I live really close. It’s not a big deal for me or Jonathan.”

You and Steve linger around the rink for a few more hours. The tension between the two of you is clear - the accidental touches and accidental, nervous eye contact. Once the rink starts to clear up, you both decide to go home (or well, to Steve’s place).

His lofty two-story apartment is the same as it was during the party, only this time, silence fills the emptied space. You toss your shoes in the corner by the door, wincing when it echoes loudly throughout the living room. Steve pads out of the hallway, handing you a warm set of clothes.

“Steve, this is a lot. I’m only staying for tonight. I can sleep in these.” You huff, shrugging your jacket off and hanging it over the couch.

He shakes his head, smiling at you. “Here, it’s just a nice gesture from me to you. I’m insisting.” You hesitantly take the folded pile of clothing from him, holding it to your chest as he directs you to the bathroom.

Out of your cold and icy clothes, you tug down the long sleeves of Steve’s thermo, inhaling the sweet scent of vanilla. Then, you move towards Steve’s bedroom, knocking softly at his door. You hear a brief ‘yeah!’ from the inside, and you poke your head through the crack between the doorway.

“I’m gonna go sleep now...” You nod your head over to the couch by the TV. “Thanks for letting me stay.”

“No problem. You’ll be fine back there?”

“Yeah, thank you.” Steve sits on the edge of his bed, playing with his hands as he blinks at you. “G’night.”

You retreat towards the couch, plopping onto the leather cushions with a grunt. You lay the plaid blanket over your legs and curl up into the bundle of pillows. Burying your hands between your thighs for warmth, you shut your eyes, hoping that sleep would find its way soon.

It doesn’t. Tossing and turning don’t help at all - neither does the stiffness of the couch. You try your best to fall asleep, whether it be browsing on your phone or turning on the TV, nothing brings you there.

You knew you were making a bad decision once you had gotten up, letting the blanket trail behind you like a train as you quietly tiptoe into the hallway that led into Steve’s room. You screw your eyes shut when your hand reaches out to turn the knob, which makes the door creak slowly when you push it open.

The hall light peeks into Steve’s dark room, causing him to turn onto his back when he sees your figure. “Y/N...?”

“Hey, um... I can’t really - really sleep, so I was...” You clear your throat, hoping your voice would stop trembling already. “I was wondering if I could... stay with you? If that’s okay. With you. Maybe.”

You tug the blanket tighter around your shoulders, searching Steve’s sleepy face for a reaction. He mumbles something inaudible, before he pulls the comforter back and outstretches a large hand towards you.

“C’mere, beautiful.” He whispers as you crawl onto the bed, tucking your feet beneath his white sheets. He flips onto his other side, facing you with a tired smile.

“Hi.”

He laughs into the pillow, while you innocently bat your eyelashes up at him. You find his hand under the covers, your pinky finger latches onto his, and you bite back the hazy grin on your face.

“Y/N?” Steve murmurs, a curl falling against his forehead.

You place your free hand on his arm. “Shhh...”

“Can I... can I...”

You force yourself to stay awake, listening to him stutter endlessly. With half-lidded eyes, you meet Steve’s admirable stare. Then, his hand leaves your pinky, trailing up your side until he stops at the nape of your neck. The bed shifts as he rolls closer towards you.

You gasp lightly when he kisses your forehead. Then the tip of your nose. Then your left cheek. Your right. And finally, he halts for a moment. His thumb swipes across your jaw, and you feel your eyes slowly, slowly, slowly close. Your eyebrows furrow in thought when Steve continues tracing letters on your jaw.

His finger follows the curve of the eight letter until the pad of his thumb lands on your bottom lip.

He spells out the words: I like you.

Steve tilts his head, and you squeeze his hip to let him know that it’s okay. A euphoric feeling washes over your chest when his lips press against yours. They’re soft - a little chapped from the cold - but it doesn’t faze you. He tastes of pumpkin spice, and you lean further into him for more. Laughs bubble from the two of you when you accidentally elbow his cheek, but return into the kiss once more.

He lets his lips hover over yours for one moment, then he places a chaste peck on them before he’s pulling back. He doesn’t want to. But he did need oxygen.

Yet, who needs oxygen when a person makes you feel like they can provide you all the possible air in the universe?

Steve smiles again when he recognizes the relaxed expression on your face. He pushes your hair away from your face, and then, he’s drifting off to sleep as well.

You take his breath away.

And at the same time, you’re the fresh air in his lungs.

TAGLIST

@aphrodites-perfume @itsametaphorbriansblog @delicrieux @ultrunning @l0ve-0f-my-life @novaddictx @liakgs @loulouloueh @charming-fan-girl

#steve harrington #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington series #steve harrington fluff #stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things x you #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things imagine #stranger things fluff #x reader #crush culture series

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dreamiesdotcom · 4 years

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[10:34] He sees a cute cat passing by and he chokes on his food because it's just so adorable he can't stop cooing. He forgets to swim halfway through the race and drowns. He doesn't back away from a stupid dare Jaemin bets him on. There are multiple dumb reasons Lee Jeno could die of, but he's convinced that Y/N is gonna be the death of him. Literally.

You ever just feel that random butterflies stucked in your stomach and weak knees? Like you wanna crush someone into a hug, and cry and tell them how adorable they are even if you met just now? Yeah. That kind of vibe — all in one person, craddled in Huang Renjun's arms. Trouble came in Jeno's life in the form of the hurricane that is Y/N during first year. Suddenly he wishes that Jaemin is here — he's the one in charge for socializing, for God's sake.

"Hey, Jeno. This is Y/N, the reason I'm always unavailable to hang out during free time," Renjun greets him with a warm smile, playfully glaring at the other. The other boy is someone he knows for long, so long that he doesn't remember not knowing each other, and even though rumors around the school suggest that you best be leaving Renjun alone, Jeno still hangs around him. He's not that bad — in fact, Renjun is absolutely harmless even if he's aggressively affectionate sometimes, "I was in a hurry that I didn't get to tell you guys about it, but she just moved back in town and I'm touring her around the campus since she's gonna study here for quite a while."

"Oh...", there's a lingering bitterness on the back of his throat but he still sports an accommodating smile. She's a nice girl, "Your girlfriend?"

"Common mistake, but no", he almost feels guilty for wanting to sigh in relief and gratefulness for Renjun's words, "She's my —"

"Soulmate.", you shrug with a grin and Renjun just pulls you in closer. You heartily laugh and push him away gently, the other sending you a sweet smile, and you know deep in you that he would've snapped your neck if he isn't that happy that you're finally, finally staying for good.

"Babe, please it's not that deep," he rolls his eyes and faces Jeno again. Jeno doesn't even seem uncomfortable in the slightest. Maybe it's because he's really not — that or he's a great actor. Renjun smiles apologetically to Jeno, "She's my bestfriend."

"He denies it but he swore we were soulmates when he was drunk and drunk people are honest, I tell you!" you pout and moves away from him, crossing your arms as Renjun pulls you back closer with a chuckle. People are staring and you know it, probably because one, you're too pretty, and two, Renjun doesn't always smile and he probably seems possessed in their eyes, "This is exactly why I prefer Donghyuck. Hyuck lets me call him everything. He's the best."

"Y/N, don't stretch it," was Renjun's comment with a fond roll of his eyes and Jeno almost wants to retreat now, but your eyes meets his with an eye smile equally as bright as before as you mutter, "Whatever. Hi, it's Y/N! nice meeting you!"

"It's nice meeting you, too," Jeno smiles and he doesn't know where he got the strength to even come up with proper words, "And you know Donghyuck? I'm not being nosy… it's just that you seem close judging that he lets you call him Hyuck when he normally goes for Haechan, even in his past relationships."

"They're close, really really close," Renjun supplies for you, not wanting to hear your speech of how sunshines and rainbows run in Donghyuck's blood, "Hyuck makes sure to visit Y/N every two days. I don't know how he does it but to be honest, I feel like me visiting her every week is too troublesome so I dragged her here with me."

Jeno just shakes his head as you say 'You didn't drag me here, I came willingly!' as Renjun leads you to the cafeteria because of your forgotten dilemma of hunger exactly thirty minutes ago before you bumped into Jeno.

"She's great at Math, Jen," Renjun sips his drink, "She should totally tutor you."

Jeno momentarily chokes on his drink and you nod, pleased with the idea, "Oh, I like helping people!" you nod to yourself and Renjun fondly replies with 'Yes, you do' before you continue speaking, "I could totally help you… what's your name again?"

Both boys burst out laughing at your question, looking at you disbelievingly, "It's Jeno," he smiles, "Lee Jeno."

And while Jeno has been kind, Renjun takes it to him to poke fun of you , "You didn't listen?"

"Nope!" you wave your fingers, as if to say that's not what I mean, "I know him. I remember his name. I just wanted to hear him say his name — you say your name so prettily, I like it."

Jeno seems flustered, his shy nature not going unnoticed and if you weren't friends with Renjun, you're quite sure that Jeno wouldn't even dare cross paths with you. His cheeks are beet red as he mutters, "Uh. Thanks. It's my name."

Your eyes close dreamily and your hands fly up to your cheeks gently, as if you're about to coo to a baby, "So cute!", you squeal before leaning one hand on the table and resting your chin there, meeting Jeno's eyes, "Now that I think about it, maybe I just like you overall that's why I like the way you said your name."

"Please don't flirt with my friends on your very first day, Y/N," Renjun warns, and Jeno almost thanks him until he notices the pout you are sporting — it makes him wanna die a little more, "What did I tell you about doing this, Y/N-ah?"

"Never took you for the jealous type, Injun-ah, but well..." you huff, "You did tell me not to do so."

And so, the day ends with a very blushy Jeno, a happy Y/N, a Renjun who is stressed from having to babysit a whole adult, and a deal of Jeno looking after Y/N whenever Renjun can't watch over her because of their different schedules, and Y/N will tutor him in Math in exchange. Sounds like a plan — sounds like a perfect plan for chaos.

Jeno confirmed his suspicions when all these events leads the both of you to the present, three years later after that eventful afternoon, sitting in the living rooms with all the materials laid down in front of the two of you. Somewhere around an hour ago you two have finished the session, but neither of you actually want to leave, and so you stay like this, sitting silently.

Lee Jeno. Swimming Captain. Really popular among literally everyone but somehow doesn't know how to human, just wants to live his life, hates Math with a burning passion, and reminds you of playgrounds and kindergartens and nostalgic pictures — that's just some of the information you knew about him the past three years you have been friends. Jeno is tall, handsome and definitely adorable. You kind of just like seeing the red decorating his cheeks.

"Jeno-ah…" you whine to get the attention of the other boy who's sitting across you. Another thing you knew about him is that his definition of hanging out is way too far from Renjun's and the world's, sitting far from you and minding his own business, "How come you're so pretty?"

"U-uh. Thank you," he scoots closer, offering you the bowl of chocolates which you politely shake off, "Are you getting bored? I'm sure Renjun will come around a bit later,"

"I don't really mind. Renjun is not the most punctual person in the world, mostly because he's busy, so I'm just lucky he still puts up with me. Hey, why are you so far? Come close," you tilt your head to the side as Jeno moves to your side, a dust of red seemingly permanent on his cheeks, "Oh? I like your lipbalm. What do you use, Jeno-ah?"

Jeno seems petrified on where he's sitting, and you lean closer causing him to chuckle nervously and places a hand on your back to help you find your balance so you don't end up falling on him.

You're close. So, so close.

"Oh my God!" the door slams close, and you hear someone shout from outside, "I'm sorry!"

"Jaemin for God's sake, I gave you an emergency for emergencies and you still should ring the doorbell when it's not one!", Jeno settles you down with an apology, and a giggle bursts out from your lips. Whoever this Jaemin person is, he thought wrong — really, really wrong, "I'm sorry. He just came back in town, and you never met him before because he already left when you arrived."

Jeno moves up to open the door, and the new-comer, his friend, assuming because he has an emergency key to Jeno's apartment, waves at you apologetically before gasping in shock, "You! You're the girl!"

"Oh?" you asked, confused, "Thank you?"

"No, I mean you're the girl in the pictures — at Hyuckie's and Renjun's!" Jaemin says, almost excitedly and you shake your head. He's adorable, "Every corner of their apartment has a picture of you, oh my God? It's nice to finally meet you, Y/N!"

You stand up to meet him with a smile, meeting each other halfway and you're quite flustered when he goes for a hug instead of a handshake, "Yes… it's nice to meet you too, Jaemin-ssi. Our mutual friends have talked your ears out about me?"

"Believe me, they do. I've never heard Renjun talk so much," he slings an arm at you, leading you to the couch and leaving Jeno disbelievingly staring at the two of you, 'How come they're already this close? I can barely hold a conversation with her when it's not her starting, or about a question in a topic, not to mention they just met for minutes and I've been with her for three? Three years?' he asks in his mind, "Wow, I'm feeling left out now. Hey, Nana!"

Jeno crashes next to Jaemin who is still talking about how magical you sounded whenever the other guys talked about you and how it's actually an understatement, and you've never felt so flustered. Maybe it's because you only met him today, or maybe it's just because he's Jaemin and he's handsome — the third guy that actually had your knees wobbling like jelly from compliments, the first being Renjun, second being Donghyuck. As you're about to reply, a knock cuts out your trance and Jeno takes it up to him to open the door again, "Who's it?"

The door revealed Renjun, but Renjun is quickly shoved to the side and you gasp, running to Donghyuck who has his arms wide open, ever so excited to meet even despite having seen each other a while ago in school, "Oh my, Hyuck!!"

"How's my princess?" he hugs you equally as tight, and you laugh when he peppers your face with kisses, "I missed you, baby."

You would've replied. Fuck, you would've, if only Lee Jeno's gaze isn't burning your skin.

You part from Donghyuck with a happy sigh, deciding it's best for you to continue your little reunion later, "Seems like my ride is here, eh?"

"He's your boyfriend?" Jaemin's eyes widen in surprise, "Y/N, you're a great girl, but should we put your standards up a bit higher?"

"So funny, Nana," Donghyuck puts you to his side closer and someone makes an almost offended noise, "She's the love of my life."

"We're best friends, I'm sorry for that," you say, making Renjun laugh. This is exactly what you did to Renjun when you first met Jeno several years ago, "Yah, Lee, Don't stretch it."

"She denies it but she swears she can't live without me," Hyuck just shrugs, finally dragging you away seeing that Renjun has placed all your stuff in your abandoned bag and is carrying it to your direction, "My princess's gotta leave now because I haven't seen her in years," 'In hours, but okay' Renjun adds, "Bye, Jeno! Bye, Jaemin!"

"Hold up, Hyuck, wait! Jeno, I'm sorry it got a bit messy, but bye! I don't think I could formally say my goodbyes like this, but uh… " you smile and lean on your tiptoes, pressing a soft kiss on his cheeks, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Jeno backs up a step before clearing his throat and waving awkwardly, "Uh. Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow. Please take care, Y/N."

"I will," you say, finally letting Donghyuck drag you out of the place and you hear a boisterous laughter behind the two of you.

"Well, that's interesting," Renjun smirks once you and Donghyuck finally places your seatbelts on, ready to blast out of the place, "Oh, Lee Jeno, you're so fucked."

"What are you saying?" you pout, "Don't say bad things about Jeno, he's beautiful and lovely and adorable and he's a baby."

"Not with that look he's not," Renjun shrugs, but before either one of you and Donghyuck decides to go against his words, he's already starting the car.

"He seems interesting, don't you think?" you say as Renjun drives to your home, deciding an impromptu sleep over which is a completely bad idea since there's still school tomorrow. Haechan laughs heartily, "With how you kissed his cheeks he sure better be."

"I do that to everyone, don't worry I'll give you one later too if you're that bother by it," you rolled your eyes, "I'm just gonna talk to Injun since he's the one who has actual braincells."

"Not really, y'all are just dumb," Renjun says nonchalantly, "Jeno is awesome. He's really cool, and everyone likes him, but he's so anti-social he's gonna be scared of the crowd on his very own funeral and resurrect to life just to hide away. That's just who he is, and also kind of an exaggeration, but it's kinda cute. And yah, you knew him for years and only figured that out now?"

You don't reply and just mumble an answer, the familiar turn his car took to your house still making your heart beat faster, and Renjun offers your hand a gentle squeeze while Haechan smiles it you, "It's alright. You're with us, Y/N."

"Yes, yes I am," you nod with a smile, and the rest of the night was spent inside your bedroom, a mess of pillows and blankets and snacks, tight cuddles and catching up.

The next day was nothing eventful, just you sitting down on your usual library table and Jeno comes in, hair still damp, catching his breath, "Hey, Y/N, I'm sorry I'm late."

You let him make himself comfortable before speaking, "It's fine, I just arrived, actually," like thirty minutes ago, "Practice taking a toll on you, baby?"

"Y-yeah," he stutters, a shade of red decorating the apples of his cheeks and you lay down the materials you're gonna be studying today. Not even ten minutes through the whole thing, Jeno is grunting in annoyance, "Man, I hate math."

"Why?" you ask, nonchalant as you continue to drag lines from one corner to another, sketching roughly on your paper as you wait for Jeno to finish his worksheet, "Why do you hate math?"

"I can't understand it," your eyes snap and you have to cover your mouth because of the loud laugh that escapes your throat, not wanting to get kicked out of your beloved library, "Well, obviously. How would you understand something you despise? To love is to understand, Jeno. You have to learn to love it to completely understand it — you can't hate something just because you refuse to take the long route. That applies to life, the most basic and the most difficult parts of life — and yes, it includes math."

Jeno gapes at you, and right now he really looks like a fish. Swimming Team finally transforming him to scales and fins? He makes this adorable face he does whenever he's confused, "You're really deep."

"I've seen things, baby," you mutter with a smile, and before he could continue, other people are crashing your table with their own textbooks while some just immidiately closes their eyes — some being Na Jaemin and Lee Donghyuck — and you greet them with a smile.

Renjun smiles at you back, fond, placing your favorite snack in front of you and you melt when he takes your hand. Renjun thinks that these are more intimate than cuddles, and often does it with you and Hyuck and no one else. You smile back at him, not minding the other's stares one bit.

Time flies when you're together. More often than not, you find yourself confused with how one time you're sandwiched between your best friends, studying for upcoming tests in the library all together, and the next, you're looking at a calendar two weeks into the present, jamming loudly to fun songs to celebrate living through all the exams.

Renjun and Jeno takes the place in front, leaving the rest of you in the back. Jisung and Chenle are on either side of you, both of them having their arms to hold you down protectively — despite being the youngests of the group, they still have protective instincts and honestly, it's adorable. In front of you, Donghyuck and Jaemin are bickering about something useless, and Mark is strumming his guitar to the song you're all screaming your lungs to.

The cold air meets your skin and you lean your head on Jisung's shoulder, eyes closed, and a solemn smile on your face before trying to finally open your them. Somewhere along the blur of dark, empty roads and shining city lights, your eyes meets Jeno's from the rear view mirror, his gaze settled on you, and you greet him with an even wider smile that flusters him but doesn't make him move his gaze. Stubborn.

Lee Jeno is indeed interesting, you figure. For the past years you've been hanging around each other, Jeno has marked himself in your brain as the boy who prefers being in the library and chatting about your plans for the rest of the day than actually doing said plans, working on your tutorial sessions silently other than the occasional explanations, taking you to his swimming practices and meets, comparing your schedules to see what time is appropriate for the two of you to visit the cat Cafe near the school, even if you have to make sure to bring his allergy pills because the dummy is actually allergic to cats. He's also someone who you often find yourself talking to, flirting with, just for the sake of seeing him back down a few steps or scatch his nape or basically just see him flustered out of this world. Lee Jeno has a way of making himself stand out, despite his shy nature, and somehow he's taken you way in too deep and now you have to face the outcome of your actions.

Huang Renjun told you before, and you should've listens to Huang Renjun because well, he has a brain and mildly actually knows how to use it. You really should have, because you already have way too many issues, is already too stressed, and if there's one thing you really want to not deal with, it's consequences, especially if said consequences is called tension. Tension.

Lee Jeno is a complex human being, and so are each and every addition to your friend circle. It amuses you how all of you are pretending to be so normal, so typical, when all of you have your own colors — something insanely interesting hiding behind a boring facade, but you figure it's a conversation to hold for another time.

"Wah, Jeno looks so cute in the mirror!" you decide to break your stare with a coo and a squeal, making Jeno blush. The other boys just make fun of you, Mark saying something about how weird your definition of 'cute' is, and you just brush them off. For the rest of the trip, you make it seem like you really don't take this to heart, but you wish it could stay all like this. You wish this is just how life is, you wish that this is how things will be, forever.

You wish you could just not go back to your house, because in the midst of nowhere with them, you're at home.

"Hm, can you drop me by at Jeno's? I think I left my phone there," you say to Hyuck when he's asking if he should drop you home first, because well, you really did leave it there. Donghyuck sends you a skeptical look, "Should we wait for you?"

"And what? Have your parents scold you more because you went home later than the late you would arrive at home if you don't wait for me? You still have to send the young ones home, you know?", you remember smiling at Donghyuck and kissing his cheeks gently for assurance.

God, you hate lying. One, because dishonesty feels like shit, and two, because with the looks Renjun and Hyuck are sending you, they obviously know that you're not telling the truth.

Still, that doesn't stop you and it all leads to this, years of what was supposed to be harmless flirting ends up with you pinned down on the wall of his apartment's bedroom, eyes that you can feel glaring at you despite having your own closed, and all of it feels like playing with fire; burning, red and dangerous.

And fuck, why is this making your heart race to lanes it shouldn't take?

"God, you're a nightmare," Jeno mutters, lips so gentle around yours it actually feels so rough. Even his kisses are unique, starting from shy to careless, so very like Jeno but somehow isn't like the Jeno you know.

"How many times do you have bad dreams then, baby?" you say and in spite, he tries to muffle you by kissing you much harder, and you almost laugh. Kissing Jeno reminds you of paper planes, lemonades, playgrounds and old pictures, you note. Threading your hands on his hair feels like something so oddly familiar, like you've done it before, but this is the closest you've been to Jeno and somehow, this thought leads you to wonder what Renjun and Hyuck would think of you, doing this, making out with a close friend. The kiss falters at your thought, and the last things you remember for that night is the tear that falls down your face, Jeno kissing your forehead lightly, and laying you down on his bed before he whispers 'Goodnight, angel,' after turning off the lights, settling himself to the couch outside and you're way too overwhelmed to ask him to stay, to tell him you don't want to be alone.

Nothing is bound to ever be the same after that, and you knew it. You and Jeno still meet because you like tutoring him, and Jeno still brings you to his practice like he's been doing since first year, somehow settled with something but it isn't clear what is it exactly that you've established. Now, you're stuck with this — college, mental breakdowns, complicated boys, and how to not punch someone (that someone being yourself, occasionally Donghyuck) in the fac

"I have a boyfriend," your breath gets knocked out from your throat one typical Saturday where your group went to the amusement park for a change instead of the typical roadtrip. Renjun is smiling so wide and tears are springing up your eyes, "Hey, baby, don't cry now!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm too happy for you. Fuck, where?" they all laugh at you, saying how adorable you are but you make a comment on how you saw Donghyuck wipe a tear too, making them laugh harder.

When Renjun announced that he's dating, it's like you shut down and you're so happy, but something inside you calls to be acknowledged. A boy, all sweet smiles and fond eyes and very familiar — Jisung, adorable and awkward and dorky and exactly Renjun's type, you can't help but feel unsettled, but you force it out of you for the whole day because this is the celebration of their relationship, welcoming it into the group, and if letting them enjoy their day means you keeping it low-key, you're absolutely willing to do so.

Renjun has always wanted to feel this, unconditional love. He has always struggled with the lack of love growing up, and always wanted someone other than you and Donghyuck to love him without exceptions, possibly his parents. Now, someone would finally love him for who he is more than as a friend, and Park Jisung is that someone. He deserves this. Huang Renjun deserves Park Jisung. So, so, very much.

It doesn't mean that it doesn't tear you apart, just a little bit.

Like always, fate leads you to Jeno since Jaemin is too very fond of Jisung, Chenle is Jisung's best friend, Hyuck will totally tell this to Renjun if you called him, and Jeno… Jeno is someone you find so very comforting after Hyuck and Renjun. You sit still, silent, a tub of ice cream and Jeno staring at you blankly, "What happened?"

Renjun has been there for you ever since. Renjun knows you and Donghyuck, the three of you never holding back one bit of information when it comes to things but you do kind of understand why he didn't immidiately tell you about the relationship — because Jisung is a factor to the equation too. That's not really the issue here, you're glad that Renjun told you all about it. It's really not what's haunting you so bad.

Renjun knows all your issues and feelings and every shit you keep inside your pockets the same way he knows Hyuck's, and vice versa. Renjun has been there since day one, the three of your parents being best of friends, and even if none of you actually have some sort of connection to them, you've grown up so fond of each other. Renjun is someone who protects the two of you, Renjun who you have known since forever, Renjun who holds you down to Earth alongside Hyuck when you have breakdowns — Renjun has found someone and so far everyone who already found another person that isn't you has left, and it hurts like fuck to think of Renjun doing that, "Nothing. I just want a sleep over, but Renjun doesn't wanna come."

"Nonsense, Renjun would drop anything, even Jisung, for you," Jeno rolls his eyes and you almost don't recognize the way he's so not shy, but you're in too deep with your issues you can't bring it up, "If you ring their phones one time both of them would come to this place in a speed faster than light."

"Alright. That's true," you shove a spoonful inside your mouth aggressively, and Jeno reminds you to slow down, "I didn't actually call him or Hyuck on purpose. I just feel sad."

"Aight, what's the issue?" Jeno takes away the tub of ice cream from you before so you could finally meet his eyes. You sense the conversation being heavier and you almost wanna back out, but his next words proves you that you don't have any chance now, "Jisung? Renjun?"

"Both." you say with finalization, and a wave of emotion finally comes to crumble you down. You let it all wash over you, Jeno silently taking the move to go closer, and you continue, "I know I'm being just too dependent but a thought inside my head just makes it seem like Renjun is gonna leave — and I’m always stuck between wanting to take the option that wants to improve me and the other option that wants to ruin me."

"Uh... are you sure you're not in love with Renjun?" Jeno asks you, and you look at him like he just said something scandalous. You hit him with a pillow, "No! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!!"

"How do you know?" Jeno hits you back with the pillow gently, "What if this is like the K-Drama stuff you know… you realized you're in love with Injun when it's already too late… how are you sure that you're not in love with him?"

You forcefully hit him with a pillow, "Are you nuts, Jen?! Renjun and I are best friends since literal birth, and that means we were together as children, as teenagers and now! I've kissed him and stuff and it's totally out of boredom and it isn't even close to romantic. It doesn't feel like I'm in love with him," it doesn't feel like what I felt when I did it with you.

Jeno makes a confused noise and he shields himself, "Uh... TMI?"

"You asked for it, what do you mean TMI?" you nag at him, and you have to admit it made you smile. and you have to admit it made you smile. The silliness of it all makes you forget. Lee Jeno helps you forget, but you're not with him just because of that.

Still, you can't run away from your problems and with all the amount of crying you did, you feel like you're already tired tomorrow. It doesn't take long for the atmosphere to grow heavier again.

"Why does it bother you so much? You know Renjun loves you," Jeno presses his lips in a thin line after minutes of awkward silence, "Renjun loves you and Hyuck way too much, and even Jisung knows that."

Your smile fades and a tear finally falls from your face. You shy away from his glance, bits of your hair sticking to your damp face, "I don't know… It hurts me. Maybe it does hurt more than what I want to admit."

"Why?" Jeno's voice is hoarse. He tucks pieces of your hair away from your face, and he cups your cheeks, "Why does it hurt, Y/N?"

"Renjun…" you gasp, "Renjun is the only thing I have," and Hyuck, you want to add, but with the tears bursting uncontrollably and the thoughts overfilling your head, you couldn't get a hold of yourself and you just want to thank the Gods that Lee Jeno is here, late at night, hugging you so tight you don't feel alone.

As usual, the night passes in a haze of a memory you will remember only faintly the day after, but Jeno's words makes sure they are remembered before he your leaves your house, into the night, "You have me too."

You find yourself awake two hours later after a nap, unable to sleep soundly that night, remembering the way Jeno's presence desperately calls for the child inside you, bringing you back to playgrounds and the feeling tasting so similar to candies. Against your will, you find yourself dialing Renjun and Donghyuck's name in a call.

"Hey, how're you baby?" Hyuck's voice rings from the other side, clearly having woken up by your call, "Hi, sunshine. I'm sorry, I just wanted to call Injun and I think it's only appropriate I include you too."

"Hm, sure, proceed," Renjun doesn't speak but the annoyed sound he lets out is a given cue for you to continue, that he is listening. You clear your throat, "Hey, Injun-ah."

"Renjun!", Donghyuck yells from the other line, and you flinch. Renjun groans in annoyance, "It's 3 am, for the love of God please breathe less loudly."

Despite his words, you choose to continue, "Did Jeno go to kindergarten with you back then?", you ask, worried and nervous about what he would say. Hyuck mutters a little 'OMG' for you to suspicions, but you need Renjun to confirm too.

"Yes but please, who cares about what kindergarten he went?" he rants, the sound of thrashing in his bed clear to all of you, "It's 3 am and I wanna sleep."

"You're such an asshole," Donghyuck replies, "I don't like where this is going."

You finally break into a fit of scream, "The three of us, we went to kindergarten together, Renjun! and if you're saying he went to kindergarten with you, it means he was also classmates with Hyuck, and that means he also went to it with me, thus, leading us to the possibility that Lee Jeno is Lee Jeno who brings me candies, who I always takes pictures of, meaning that Lee Jeno is the Lee Jeno!"

Donghyuck drops out of the call, and you know he's about to come in your front door in several minutes to apologize for not telling you, but Renjun seemed to be shaked awake just now, "You didn't know?"

"You knew?!", you gasp in surprise, facepalming. Renjun's voice is now louder, and you feel kind of silly screaming to each other over the phone, "I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU?!"

" What the hell, Renjun!? I have been flirting with the boy for as long as we thought we knew each other and literally made out with him once! Do you think I'd flirt with Lee Jeno knowing I have the biggest puppy crush on him?!", you cry. Oh God. Your life is now ruined, "Do you mean I fell in love with Jeno, twice, in the very same lifetime, unknowingly?!"

"What do you mean you're in love with Lee Jeno?! What do you mean you've made out with Lee Jeno?", Renjun yells at you and you can hear footsteps and keys being moved, "Y/N you better have an explanation, I'm literally on my way."

And with that, he ends the call. As promised, the boys came along after several minutes, your mixed feelings about Renjun's newfound relationship and the revelation of Jeno's identity long forgotten the moment they stepped a foot inside the house because of the snacks Donghyuck brought— for now, you could live like this.

"Uhm. That's nice that you made up with Renjun and Hyuck," Jeno mutters, looking at you heplessly, "… but why do you think they locked us up here?"

"Dude, I told them something I shouldn't have and now we're stuck in here. We already established that," you sigh. Of course, nothing is ever that simple and even if the confession you said to them was moved at the back of their heads, neither Renjun or Hyuck let go of the words, and they even deviced a plan with the others to lock you and Jeno in the rooftop — that way, there's no escape, and you're forced to talk. Jokes on them, "What do you say we jump down and die?"

"Let's not." Jeno tugs you down, "Maybe we can just talk instead? I have a swim meet and I can't fracture my bones."

"I swear you have a swimming pool shaped heart," you roll your eyes at his confused 'how can I have a swimming pool shaped heart if swimming pools could come in any shapes, including a heart?', "Yeah. We made up. I was crying over something stupid, anyway."

Silence coats the two of you the same way the dark night sky is enveloped by lively stars, and you sit down to where Jeno is resting, "We never really talked about that."

"What 'that'? We have a shit ton to talk about, you have to specify which," Jeno laughs heartily. Jeno always seems out of character when it's night time, almost as if he has a newfound confidence, and maybe you envy that, "We do need to talk."

"Okay, I need you to not freak out," you look at Jeno dead in the eye, and he messes with the hem of his shirt, "If you're trying to calm me down it's really not working, so just go straight to the poi—"

"I love you and I've been in love with you since first year!" you say with your eyes closed, heart pounding inside your chest and you feel like you really just wanna jump right now. Jeno whines, making you open your eyes. He doesn't want to meet your gaze, "Oh wow, can I take back my words? Can you go a little gentler?"

"W-why?" you say in nervousness. Jeno moves a little further from you, moving an inch or two away, "Because right now my heart is beating really fast and I don't think I'll make it to the moment where I would tell you that I love you too."

Your nervousness is less forgotten when he speaks these words, and the next thing you know, you're leaning closer to Jeno, "You love me too?" you ask, to which Jeno nods, too overwhelmed to even speak. You skim your fingers over his arms to rest on his shoulder, a mad smile tight in your lips, "So you wouldn't mind... if I do this, right?"

The way the world burst with colors when you kissed was unfamiliar, but not unwelcomed. It was nothing wild, just a chaste touch of the lips enough that he feels the grin spreading in your face, the distance close enough that you swear you could feel the beating of his heart. Jeno seemed gone when you parted, and you chuckle, but it is quickly cut off when you notice that he has been staring for the past minute, "Why are you staring?"

"I'm sorry... I can't help it," the crimson laid on top of his cheeks is even darker now, and that says a lot judging how you can still see it despite the darkness of the place, only several lights from other buildings, the city lights afar, and the night sky illuminating the moment. Somehow, a shiver runs down your spine and you ask him, 'Why?' with a gasp. Taken aback is the best way to describe the way you reacted when he replied, "Uh... You... You're pretty."

Pretty.

"Oh..." you try your best to look uplifted, "Thank you."

Jeno tilts your head up, "Why do you look so sad?"

"Hm…" you look at Jeno. He's pretty. He's gorgeous, he's beautiful. Lee Jeno is a walking piece of art, and Lee Jeno called you pretty. You take his hands away from your face, "That sounded so easy to say, that is."

"I... I mean it!" Jeno hissed, squeezing your hands. You smile at him, pressing your other hand to where his hands is linked to yours, and you whisper, "I know... You're very genuine, Jeno, and I appreciate that. It's just that... it sounded so easy, and I always hear parents call their child too... but never from mine. My mother never once called me pretty."

Jeno made a noise similar to an affronted one, and you don't even want to meet his gaze. Issues. They're back haunting you again, these damned issues sticking to you like an unhelpful seventh sense, "I'm sorry," he says, "I understand now… why you're like that."

Why you're so dependent, why you're so sensitive, why you try to be confident even if you're not, Jeno adds in his brain, Why you try to seem like you don't need anyone and immediately think that people are gonna leave when they find someone else.

The wind blows coldly and you feel like a pinwheel spinning around aimlessly. Do you really know each other? Do you even really know anyone? You've confessed to each other, you've established that you feel the same, it's been years since you knew each other, and yet, you're still quite unsure if you actually know each other.

"Why I'm like this? It's fine, Jeno, you can say it," you smile sadly, "I'm not ashamed of who I am even if I would gladly change the way things happened for me," his gaze burns your skin, and suddenly you forget that your friends just locked you up with Jeno and you feel like you just voluntarily talked, "My parents said they raised me like this so that I don't depend on others... and although that might be true, to my young self, it just sounded like they wanted to not take care of me and to my older self, it is actually that."

"You don't have t—", you cut of Jeno with a no, and he lets you proceed, "I raised myself to be this way so that I don't feel sad about not having them around… I grew up like this... so that I'm strong enough to not go through that. I don't need anyone to protect me, but just because I don't need it, doesn't mean I don't yearn for it... so thank you, Jeno. Thank you for letting me lean on you. You and our friends."

The way he stares at you with equally as blurry eyes felt new, and the way you could finally breathe without the lingering thought of being closer to death was refreshing. The way Jeno pulls you in back to a full kiss under the moonlight above this building felt like a huge cliche but you don't even mind — that night, Jeno proves to himself that just like how we are not always who we wanna be, we are also not always all that we show.

The wait for the boys to let the two of you out was a very long time, you can't count how long you two have kissed and cuddled and talked, and you just pout when you received Renjun's reply that 'We went out to get food because you two have been talking for four hours and we got hungry. We're on our way back, we got you food'. You scroll through the researched questions on your phone, laughing loudly at particular questions that gets Jeno flustered as if you weren't crying a few minutes ago. This one is interesting, "What would you change if you could change anything at all?"

"Wow, this is gonna make the atmosphere heavy again but… to be honest?" Jeno chuckles, eyes closed, "The way the world sees me. The way the world thinks it's okay to leave me when they realize I'm not big, bad, strong, confident Jeno."

A pang inside your heart makes its presence known, but you don't speak. He listened to you before, and so you want to be here for him too, so he continues, "The way people leave when it's them who went ahead, created an illusion of me inside their brains, fell in love with it, and eventually left when they learned I'm not who they want me to be — I want to change the way they think it's my responsibility to bend to the dumb assumptions of who I really am. You?"

"You're right," you smile fondly at him. It must've been hard for Jeno, and you know it still is. In the duration of three years Jeno has had multiple partners, all of them loving him for the idea of him and not who he really is — the worst thing that happened is that he fell in love with all of them. Jeno is so full of love for him to still have some of them left to give out, and you just can't help but admire the boy. Strong. He's stronger than he'd like to admit. "You're not theirs to change."

"I know. That's why I left them," he smiles at you, "I asked you a question though, Y/N."

"I want people to see me," you inhale sharply, eyes looking far ahead to the city of stars above you, silently hoping that they'd align straight to your wishes. Jeno was taken aback by your quick reply, "Even if I have our friends… I still… I want someone who would ask me what I think, what I wanna do, who I wanna be… what I am. In a world that falls in love with beauty and brain, I want someone who falls in love with my heart and soul… and that someone... came in the form of you."

A smile traces up his lips and you're quite unsure if he's really the shy, baby-like Jeno you meet everyday — is he some kind of weird creature influenced by the moon? No, you're pretty sure he's human, but with how ethereal he seems, maybe… he's not? He clears his throat, "I see you, Y/N. I see who you are."

The instense gaze he holds pulls the strings inside your heart, and your breathing shakes. You felt something crumbling down — losing the walls you built around yourself was something that screamed nightmare for you. It felt like you're stripped, naked, it felt like you lost to a game of hearts, but somehow it felt so close to winning. You won Lee Jeno's heart, you gained unconditional love, and you've completed your equation for now — no more what if's, no more doubts; just you, Jeno, foreheads pressed against each other.

"And I…" you whisper, "I love you for who you are, Jen. Not the weird popular guy facade you made," the way his lips curl until even his eyes are smiling makes your heart beat faster, and you want to tell him just how many times you fell in love with him because of that smile.

You want to tell him you love him again. You want to tell him that he's beautiful. You want to tell him so many things, but you hold it for now, hearing the clinking of the gate and the noisy boys coming to infiltrate the rooftop — Renjun pulls you close into a hug with a whispered 'You did well, baby' — and you decide that you indeed have to wait for the perfect time to tell him these things, and maybe then, you'll tell Jeno that you're his kindergarten girlfriend back then too, but maybe that's a surprise for another time.

The other boys laughs loudly, ganging up on Jeno but is quickly stopped by Donghyuck having a crisis, "I'm the only single one in the three of us!"

"That's because you're a coward who is too scared to say that he wants to date Mark." Jaemin spills the beans, and all of you holler in laughter with Chenle's being the loudest, Mark's scandalized expression the opposite to the way his arms encircle to Donghyuck's waist, leaning the silly boy to him where he just continues to cry, successfully making a mess of Mark's probably pricey hoodie, "Oops, I didn't mean to say that I swear!"

His follow-up makes Chenle double in laughter and you can't help but fall in a fit of laughter too, thanking God that Renjun is currently holding you so you didn't lose balance. Renjun pulls you up, even closer and nuzzles his head on your neck. You know that he knows what you have felt before about his relationship with Jisung, and you know there's plenty to talk about with everyone, especially him and Hyuck, after this.

You look at Jisung who's trying to calm Chenle down, and he meets your gaze with a kind smile, "Thank you," you mouth at him and he replies to you with an even wider smile and a nod, a silent 'It's alright, I understand, you're welcome.'

In Renjun's hold, you sense Jeno looking at you, but this time he isn't jealous. He's sending you a knowing smile, mouthing a playful 'I love you'. Your eyes scan the place, Mark is looking at everyone as fondly as you while patting Donghyuck's back before the other boy crashes to you and Renjun, the three of you craddled in a group hug. Chenle and Jisung are still giggling, Jeno and Jaemin leaning against each other while looking around equally as fond.

You've never been in a place so full of love, and you can't help but cry one more time. The youngest ones are the one who first ran to join the group hug, Jeno and Jaemin coming after and Mark was the last. Jeno was behind you, an arm on your shoulders and the other resting on Jaemin's back. You look back at him, "I love you too."

All of you part when Renjun complains about Jaemin being too heavy and that he can't breathe anymore, laughing loudly. You sit back on the floor. Time flies when you're with Renjun and Hyuck, but now it's even faster with the other boys added to the equation and you're dumbfounded that the sun is almost rising. Jeno's hands intertwine with yours and you share a look and a fond smile.

There's a lot to talk about after this, indeed, but as you lean your head on his shoulders, you're sure that it can wait. The world can wait. Right now, you just want to actually live in the moment, make it last as long as possible and love him until the chandeliers shining in your eyes tears themselves into little blizzards of shattered glass — the liquid of your emotions flowing through the window of your soul — and even til then, you want to love him more, and so you do.

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everythingoesnk · 5 years

Text

Once in Rockfield Farm (5/5)

summary; whatever man i just hope u go easy on me and that u enjoy it. thanks to those who read every chapter or sent me beautiful slash encouraging messages saying the story was good, i appreciate it a lot :( i just wish you don’t cringe 2 much

word count; 3 197

warnings; my inability to write good endings

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

********

Ricky Nelson’s divine and comforting voice filled Roger’s Alfa Romeo.

He had it repaired, that’s why you hadn’t been introduced to it yet.

Gazing out the window wasn’t an option, since the weather was foggy and the eternal repetitive picture of trees and empty road wasn’t really entertaining you no more.

As an alternative, you were recollecting flashbacks from your graduation ceremony.

Everything’d been absolutely perfect except for the evident.

The tension between Mary and Roger was palpable, detestably and boringly palpable. None of them told you how the argument went, and you were late to be able to hear anything. Both screaming over each other didn’t contribute to the cause. Mary did him dirty and Roger didn’t make an effort to control his hysteria. Before attempting to sow any peace, they needed time for things to cool down. You could understand both parts and weren't about to take any side.

Everyone, including you, had been wrong at one point.

But forgetting about Mary for a moment, you still had a pending conversation with Roger. And you owned him an apology as well.

The things he said to you at home before the ceremony, even when you were given your diploma, stuck with you. Mind split in two, one side was present in the event and the other replaying Roger’s words claiming that you were ‘stupid’ because you didn’t notice that he cared about you.

Clutching your knees to your chest, you breathed in deeply looking straight ahead.

Roger didn’t speak, and you sighed louder. And louder. Until he laughed a very cute laugh.

“I thought I made it clear the first time,” you said, “I hate not knowing where I’m going”

Roger rolled his window down and rested the arm there. A faint wind messed with his locks.

He didn’t turn to look at you before answering.

“It makes it more enjoyable to me”

“Is it far?”

“It isn’t”

Driving with one hand, Roger switched off the radio.

He didn’t look like he wanted to converse or have anything distract him, hiding the mirrors of his soul behind aviator sunglasses. You could tell he was nervous, making you wonder what was so nerve-racking that wouldn’t let Roger be his talkative and joyful self.

“Fine” you shrugged. “But before we get there I want to tell you something”

He nodded, as if inviting you to go on.

“I talked to Brian about the whole thing long before it blew up. I complained about you supposedly fucking those girls to provoke me, which we all know now it was the ultimate purpose, even if you didn’t shag any in the end. Well,” you sighed, “I’ve been a bitch as well”

Roger locked his eyes on yours instantaneously. You quickly put your head down and clasped your hands together.

His eyes went back to the road.

“I complained about you jumping to conclusions when I literally have no right to condemn it because I did the exact same thing. For weeks I avoided talking to you instead of getting things straight”

You glanced at him without really lifting your head up yet: his hands were gripping firmly the steering wheel.

Blood rushing to your face, you contemplated his profile.

You loved his nose and how it wiggled when he spoke or was deep in thought like it had a life of its own. You loved his chin, his lips, his eyebrows, his ears and his hair. You loved everything. And he was a jerk if he truly believed you didn’t notice he cared about you.

You were hurt that you hurt him for ignoring his feelings to focus on yours not getting brutally broken. That was some fucked up fat shit. You just couldn’t believe he was still somehow interested in you at that point.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, “I hope you can forgive me, I really do”

“We’re here”

He killed the engine, remained motionless for about fifteen seconds and hopped out of the car.

Blowing out your cheeks as soon as he exited the vehicle felt good. Only a little.

Was it something you said what bothered him? Angered him even? What could that something possibly be? You’d been polite, picking the words with care. Did you hit rock bottom, or was there further to fall? Was he going to tell you he did forgive you but that you should leave it like that? That your relationship was wounded to death? Yeah, we’re cool. ‘t was nice meeting you, have a nice flight to America. But don’t contact me again.

Roger threw open the front seat passenger door and held out his hand for you.

Feeling dizzy you took his hand, and he pulled you towards him.

Only to crash his lips into yours after your chest bumped against his.

Putting his hands on your lower back to steady you both, he worked his lips against your mouth in desperation and agony.

His forehead puckered, it looked like if it were hurting him kissing you.

It only hurt him that he couldn't have done this sooner.

Heart hammering against his ribs, he couldn’t remember the last time he felt this happy and complete.

It was impossible, this much love.

You could feel your skeleton melting. It was getting harder to not fall on your knees. They felt weak, incapable of bearing with your weight right now.

The kiss started being kind of a mess, Roger fast and you trying to catch up with his clumsy rhythm out of eagerness. Your tongue pushed her way into his mouth, and he moved one hand to the back of your neck, holding your head in place.

The roughness made you grunt.

Butterflies swarming hysterically in your stomach and fireworks going off in his chest, you cupped his face in your hands, not planning on breaking the kiss for a while.

He took a few steps forward and soon your back made contact with his car.

You were drowning in euphoria.

Roger set his palms down flat on your sides.

“Roger—“

He ran his thumb over your lip, glanced at you for a brief couple of seconds in which you discovered how much his pupils had dilated -yours must’ve looked identical-.

The tip of your noses touching, he grinned and kissed you again.

Pink cheeks, pulse uncontrollable, arms embracing each other as if your bodies were what could save you from falling apart. That's all you were.

Tilting your head a little you stroked his cheek. He smiled at that.

You didn't miss the gesture and instantly opened your eyes even though you were still kissing, and smiled too closing them again.

Because of the lack of air that was threatening to make your lungs explode, you gradually began to separate. Treading your fingers down his chest, you wrapped them around his rainbow suspenders and sighed contently.

Roger took his time to open his eyes once the kiss finished, totally lulled by the hundreds of millions of sensations his mind and body were putting him through.

Awkwardness washing over your face due to the intimate moment you two just shared in the middle of a random street, you looked over his shoulder so you wouldn’t meet his gaze.

Roger laughed breathlessly and pressed his forehead against yours. You giggled a bit as well, and swallowed the urge to shake your head in disbelief that it finally happened.

He slung an arm around your waist.

“I like you, (Y/N)”

You held your breath.

“I forgive you”

You nodded and told yourself not to cry. Ignoring how much you wanted to.

“Ay,” he said, looking into your eyes and tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. You smiled big at his exclamation: he must’ve grown so used to hearing you say it that it slipped out of his own mouth, “now it’s when you confess you like me too”

You cackled and rolled your eyes playfully.

“Oh really,” you teased in a whisper. But soon you waved the sarcasm off, this was what you were dying to tell him. It was now. You had to do it, “I like you too, Rog”

He pecked you on the lips, a huge pleasing look on his face.

“God…,” you breathed, the realization hitting you like a tsunami, “it’s all so… I’m so…”

You were mad you couldn’t find the right words.

The corners of Roger’s mouth quirked up.

He flashed you a bright smile, recognizing the signs of everything being a blur himself too even being in the moment yet.

“Me too, sweetheart”

You couldn’t resist it, and went straight to wrap your arms around him in a loving whole-hearted hug.

With your cheek brushing against his cheek you hoped this wasn’t all a dream.

It made you hold him tighter, with a beaming smile that could blind the blind, when you knew this was nothing but real.

“Love,” Roger spoke, not pulling away, “we should go now. We’ll have plenty of time to snuggle”

“Just one more second” you wished into existence.

Gently stroking your back, he took a deep breath and exhaled, relaxing into the hug.

More than one second passed by when you agreed it was a reasonable time to let Roger go.

His smile broke into a giggle at you pouting.

“Hold my hand” he said softly.

Resting your chin on his shoulder as you two walked into the building, his thumb caressing your palm, it then hit you that you were in the EMI Record offices yet again.

You raised an eyebrow. Roger watched you.

There were many more commuting people around this time. None of them seemed to pay any attention to none of you, concentrated on their obligations. The place was loud.

Roger didn’t like too many questions, so, for once, you just shrugged.

“You lead”

Once inside the elevator, Roger cracked his knuckles, looking as if he were being escorted to the death row. The four walls of the elevator were suffocating him. Nothing of his earlier behaviour back on the street could be seen, it was like he turned into a different person.

“You alright?”

He pinched his nose.

“After what just happened, I don’t want you to be mad at me”

You narrowed your eyes.

“Why would I be mad at you for?”

He didn’t answer.

“Roger, what—“

The doors opened and a huge group of people stepped into the space. You rolled your eyes and walked closer to Roger’s side.

Seriously, he always seemed to have something up his sleeve.

Tapping your fingers against your lips you couldn’t think of anything he could’ve done to make you angry. He was probably just exaggerating. Although you still didn’t quite get why you were there.

Bouncing on your feet, you stopped when the doors opened again.

13th floor.

You arched an eyebrow. That was were Foster’s office was, if you remembered correctly.

Smoking a cigarette next to Forster's -opened- door, was Paul Prenter. You knew that man. He came from time to time to talk to the boys about Opera, to know if they needed something and to get information about the album's progress in general. However, you noticed that when he paid them a visit, he only acknowledged and cared about Freddie.

He liked him, everybody knew.

You didn’t treat Paul like he were a ballbuster like Roger and Brian did. John, Mary and you weren't comfortable with his presence either but kept it to yourselves.

“Paul?” Roger asked, confused.

“Rheid contacted me” Paul explained.

Paul looked at you, then at Roger, and then at your hands held together.

“They’re waiting inside. We better come in—“

“We? As we?” Roger pointed at you three. “We are going, you stay out of this”

“Rheid told me—“

Roger dragged you inside the office and closed the door in his face.

Deep in conversation as they were, everyone in the room snapped their heads at the two of you. When you raised your head, it was Rheid who you saw first.

“Roger, (Y/N)” he welcomed with a nod. “Please, take a sit (Y/N)”

Were you blind or did he just point to the chair right in front of the desk? Not like you were the protagonist.

You shook your head and eyed Roger. He was looking at Foster.

Miami was also in the room, you spotted him next to the big window. He waved at you and you smiled a little. Miami was a good person. You liked him. You liked him very much. You felt a bit more comfortable now that you knew he was there.

“Go ahead, (Y/N), sit” Foster insisted. “I’ve got little time and would like to discuss and go over the contract as quickly as possible”

Roger put his hand on your shoulder, and for some reason that made you shiver. He nodded at you to sit down and stood behind you, hands on the back of the chair, suddenly finding the room very hot.

Eyes exploring the room, you were beginning to feel giddy because of the secrecy thick in the air.

Contract?

Foster looked at you in the eye.

“What’s that face, woman? You’re a lucky one”

You turned on your seat to stare at Roger. You caught a glimpse of what seemed to be… fear? No, it couldn't. Fear of what?

Rheid, hooking two glasses in one hand and grasping a bottle in the other, made his way to you but stopped after studying your conduct.

“You didn’t tell her?” Rheid interrupted, wide-eyed, reflecting on yours and Roger’s attitude.

Foster was growing impatient. He slammed the contract down on the table.

“(Y/N),” Roger began, voice weak, so weak you weren’t sure you would understand him if he weren’t to raise it up a bit, “remember when you wandered off with Brian with the bikes? That day Freddie and John were out to town, and I was left alone”

“I do” your heart kicked ferociously.

“I know singing is your passion. Not singing, writing songs it is. Well, performing, so I guess that both. Both, both” he cursed under his breath for stumbling. “You said nothing was holding you back from going to America”

Afraid of what his actions might cause, he gulped the bulge in his throat before daring to lay his eyes on yours.

“Maybe there is something”

Your nails were digging into your palms.

Roger scratched his eyebrow. He felt like if he’d open his mouth his heart would fly out of it and land on your feet. He shut his eyes with a racing heart as he revealed what brought you there.

"I sent Foster a tape of All Too Well I found on the studio that day”

“Pardon?”

You didn't even finish registering what Roger'd done before the word came out of your mouth.

Stomach in a knot, Roger forced himself to look down at you, to meet your gaze.

He was mildly surprised by your reaction, expression spoiling how you precisely weren't overjoyed nor ecstatic about the news. But he knew this could be one of the outcomes.

You sprang to your feet, redness in your cheeks, forehead and neck, and said a small ‘Mind us a minute’ before turning on your heels and demanding Roger with a look to exit the office. You didn’t miss how a thin layer of light pink rose to his cheeks.

Miami's face wasn't saying much, but he didn't look away when you cast him a glance.

Clasping your hands behind your head, heart about to crash due to its rate mightly increasing, you closed your eyes. And it felt like you could hear and see your heart pumping blood.

Roger leaned against the hallway wall, looking at his shoes.

Fallen into a long lapse, Roger waited. He waited for you to speak first, but you didn’t. You just mirrored his posture, standing right across from him, hands covering your face.

“Say something, (Y/N)”

You hesitated to do, and your voice came out as a dark painful crack.

“I’m thinking of Todd”

Roger’s eyebrows knitted in doubt.

“That’s my grandfather’s name”

Unsure if you were gonna ask him to stop, he pushed himself off the wall and stood closer to you. You didn’t tell him to fuck off like you wanted to at first, but still were trying to figure out what to do with the information you’d been delivered.

Your heart plunged when he affectionately bumped his shoulder against yours.

Roger’s mouth opened slightly when he saw that your eyes were liquid with soon-to-be-released teardrops.

“What would Todd tell you if he was here now?”

You gave a sniff, wiped your eyes with the heel of your palm and grinned, latching onto the picture you visualized of your grandfather rolling his eyes, instructing you to get the shit done.

“To stop being a crybaby and to follow my dreams”

“Your dreams are just a signing away”

Roger caressed your nose with his. He was speaking in an undertone, careful not to disturb you.

“Are you mad at me for sending them the tape?”

You puffed your cheeks and let the air out thoughtfully.

Am I?

“You have to know this wasn’t the initial plan, I need to get this across. I just wanted them to hear it, so when they called to ask me who’s the talent I could tell you that your work has potential. Much more potential than you think. But they, well, you see, are interested”

Roger continued, seeing that you were still having a draining mental battle with yourself.

“We’ll take care of you. Miami and I. And Freddie, Brian and John. Everyone. If you accept, you could come to Japan with us and work on your debut album meanwhile”

“It’s… tempting”

Roger nodded and brought your hand to his lips to kiss your knuckles.

“You’ve got the last say, love”

With incredible patience and self-control, he focused on perfectly fitting his lips onto yours.

It felt so right and perfect to savour him.

Beyond immersed on the many opportunities that your destiny portended if you signed that paper, you didn’t even realize you were saying the following words until you were done reciting them.

“Thank you for believing in me”

And you knew the meaning behind Roger’s words was way deeper, referring to everything you’ve gone through. For believing that he didn’t do anything with those women and for not taking for granted that he wouldn’t be able to sustain a formal relationship.

Because you were a thing now, weren’t you?

Flashing a pair of crinkling eyes, happy that your future was now shining bright next to the man who made it possible that you could make yours’ and Todd’s dreams come true, you shoved your face in his neck, attaching him to you with your still tremulous arms.

Were you scared? Yes. But you had him, and that’s all you needed to know to feel strong enough to take such important plunge.

Engulfed in a wave of hope and gratitude, you let him hold you.

Todd would’ve loved Roger, and you were determined to not let any of these men down.

********

tagging; @sweetdaisys @multifics @incorrcctqueen @namelesslosers @benders-diamond-earring @mercurycrowley @ixchel-9275

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cupsofsuga · 5 years

Note

Hi honey, can i ask for a reaction from bts yandere when a friend of his girlfriend tells them that (member of bts) is not normal because he is very obsessive and those things, but she defends them saying that they are not like that (because she she loves him and trusts him, she's naive too) Excuse my English since it is not my mother tongue and if the orders are full I will understand Thank u

THE HEARSAY ━ YANDERE BTS REACTION*:･。.

WARNING - This is a yandere au, meaning the following may be triggering to some viewers. I am not trying to discriminate the boys in any way, this is for entertainment purposes. Viewer discretion is advised!!!

Thank you for requesting, my sweet dove! You’re English is phenomenal! Also, buckle up cause this ones LONG.

KIM SEOKJIN

━━━ This was never supposed to happen.

Before he could even think to react, he has been caught in this state of infatuation, like a butterfly in a net. No matter how much he spreads his wings, there is no escaping this need for you.

Seokjin craves and desires every fleeting moment of intimacy, creating havocs of emotions that whirl within him. The melding of colors in the boundless azure sky, the soft glimmer of stars that twinkle in the sky as well as your eyes. He inhales, tasting the sweet fragrance of the early spring, he then exhales, and litters of stars and flower petals fly in the air. Jin has set out the seraphic variety of emotions sat on a dome plate. All for you, every fiber or fragment of emotion held within his body was all made for you.

Every little bit of blood spilled from those who dared separating you from him was all in the name of love; all in the name of his dear Y/N. Without these heathens, he can finally settle in his home tucked away in the woods with his little doe to where they spend the remainder of their days in peace.

And this fellow “friend” of yours was nothing like the others on his hit list. He tried convincing you to leave Jin, throwing insults spiked with venom about his behavior towards you, trying to feed you these lies that he called “the truth”. This angered Jin severely. How could anyone say such vicious things to his angel? And once night fell, as he stood under Jin’s motionless, hardened gaze, time seemed to stop. Birds became silent, every flower died. The whole world seemed to stop spinning.

But now Seokjin returns home, hands bloody and his blood boiling, but once he catches sight of you sleeping soundly in your shared bedroom, all of this built-up rage seems to melt away. You sleep like the sweetest, little fawn, he thinks. And once he washes away his sins in the sink, he’ll then cradle you and care for you as if you’re a porcelain angel who now lies in his arms.

“Don’t you worry, my little doe… I will protect you from these blasphemous hellions; I will keep you safe for eternity.”

MIN YOONGI

━━━ You pleaded to go see a distant friend, meaning no boyfriend, only the two of you. This intimacy shared with you is obsessive, but he obliges the part for your sake.

It has felt like years since you’ve seen your childhood friend. You’ve almost forgotten how you bloomed like an unseen poppy in the first few seconds of April when you two venture together. A true, genuine bond you two have.

But Yoongi is in your life now, and you must forget these memories.

Your friend disagrees and there is this darkness that follows. He begins to tell you how unhealthy and mentally draining is it to cope with Yoongi’s behavior. You stop, question and drown in your own pool of realization. Was he right?

He pulls you into an embrace when the brunch date ends. His touch is so warm, you feel yourself start to melt with his arms locked around you. It’s been a quick minute since you’ve felt heat like this. Quickly pulling yourself out of this hazy daydream, you share a quick farewell, and then you’re off, the cold, brisk air sharing no sympathy for your exposed skin.

You stare silently at your feet as you keep pacing forward. You’re far too engrossed in your thoughts to think of a practical destination. Was he truly right? Was this relationship unhealthy or was he just feeding you biased lies? Should you return home and spend the rest of the time thinking in that man’s embrace? Or should you run for it and hop on the bus before it’s too late?

And just as you reach the bus spot, a cold hand has gripped your forearm. You turn around, spotting the same face you see every morning. Heavily panting, feline-eyes which are watery with fear, icy chills spreading down his spine and the glimmering of tears on his pink cheeks. How was he here? How did he find you? Had he been here the entire time? Better question, was he listening to every word spilled?

“Y/N, please… It’s so cold without you… A-And what he said, it isn’t true. None of it is true..! We’re meant to be, can’t you see…? I love you, my Aphrodite.”

JUNG HOSEOK

━━━ You two barely fit in the same category. You’re a dove who flies freely without any flock of birds to return to or a cage to be forced into. You’ve never needed Hobi’s affections and constant sweet nothings, but you find them amusing. To you, it’s just a short summer fling that would turn to ash once Autumn comes and the leaves start to fall. To Hoseok, this love is eternal and will last for many summers to come.

“He’s kinda creepy, don’t you think? I mean, it’s quite obsessive how much he demands to be by your side… Don’t you get tired…?”

Is that what the outsiders think? That he’s some sort of mythical demon of some sort? Being around him during the times the sun shines most and the times where the moon glows in all of her glory wasn’t ever tiring, simply entertaining. Having somebody that didn’t see your cold demeanor and shiver or awkwardly avoid you was somewhat refreshing. Never have you seen someone, not even your own mother, look at you with such intense love in their eyes. And you took advantage of it.

Maybe you’d let the truth settle underneath a bed of leaves, like a trap, and as soon as he prances over to see you, the sickening reality will catch him and the sorrow in his eyes will glimmer. The idea of breaking his heart excited you, but when you returned home you expected him to come rushing to the door like a cheery golden retriever, not in this state.

Hoseok sat curled up in your living room, head buried into his knees while the faint, ominous sound of his crying echoed, almost like a ghost in a horror movie you’ve seen before. His gaze shot up towards you in surprise after hearing the creaking of floorboards. Eyes watery, cheeks wet with tears, lips quivering. A beautifully tragic sight plastered in front of you. Almost like a broken angel.

And as soon as he recognized your flabbergasted expression, the waterworks were let loose. Slowly, he waddled his way over to curl up and hug your legs, still crying as you stood in uncomfortable silence. Incoherent mumbling across desperate cries was all that was heard.

“I-I-I heard what she said at the skatepark… That I’m “obsessive”, “creepy”. B-But it isn’t true! Y/N, I’m not any of those things…! You’re my everything, you are my sun… And I need you for many seasons to come”

KIM NAMJOON

━━━ Like a lion, you cannot be tamed. You won’t drop your guards and submit to those two will throw you in a circus for humans to pay and gawk for. You won’t be the obedient animal who lets human purr and coo at. You are rare, entirely a human of complete chaos. You chase thunderstorms and run from the rainbow afterward. You call the rain and the lightning against your skin your lover and you call the sun which kisses your mortal enemy.

You’re a god, all bruised knuckles and broken hearts littering your path. Nobody owns you, you simply are in control of your own soul.

And as Namjoon listens to your junkie friend blabber about the dangerous acts that your boyfriend has committed, he sits, listens and seethes with rage. You’re a human of your own opinion, though, and brush off his comments, but not without spitting out a protective threat over your lover (which warms Joon’s heart).

Namjoon watches; stalks like a cheetah about to pounce at his prey but there is no violence in the air, only the complete, wholesome lingering of feather-touched devotion that swarms within his mind. He has forgotten about the skater boy with a pea-sized brain that made his blood boil. There was only room for you in his head, anyway.

And in a hushed whisper, his emotions leave his lips beautifully.

“Your heart may not be pure, but it is mine, all mine… Just like how my heart is yours.”

PARK JIMIN

━━━ Jimin’s entire cherub essence, so pure, so sweet. His eyes reminded you of pearls, ones you’d find strung upon the neck of Audrey Hepburn or some other angelic celebrity of the time. You listened and often reminisced of his laughter, like an echo of harmonious melodies that reverberates in your ears; a truly angelic noise. Or his touch, so silky and velvety like fingertips against the naked sky that glows in hazy light, not too bright, but bright enough to illuminate the blinding darkness that surrounds you.

Park Jimin, entirely a soul which turns seraphic with his own heavenly heart.

But what is this? What is this rumor, this hearsay of your angel doing such sinful things? Such violent manners?

Your sweet, sweet Jimin could never possibly make such horrible, horrific actions. But he was an angel gifted a sword, a child of the night, the utter darkness. He will travel to such measures, measures unspeakable for his love, his dearest rose. And now that someone is attempting to take you from his gentle, soothing embrace, the sharp tumultuous ring of his battle cry echoes.

“Ah, my sweet dove, never listen to such deadly lies… They aren’t good for your soul.”

KIM TAEHYUNG

━━━ His gaze stayed locked on you during the aftermath of the movie, your close friend caught on, you didn’t. She warned you when you two were alone (or so you two think), spitting out supposed acts so horrendous that you visibly shivered of his unknown presence. And you not knowing Taehyung, being afraid of him almost lets the most melancholy cry escape his throat.

You don’t remember him.

Taehyung should have expected this, expected his dearest Y/N to give in to the lies that swarm around her like annoying flies; like mosquitoes picking at her skin. But this sudden wrath of reality penetrates him, shakes him awake from this daydream he’s been so caught-up and utterly infatuated with.

Tae, now sitting at his desk hours later, grasps hold of his red pen, scribbling out blabbers of emotions that have been bottled up within him. He writes in cursive, as always, just messier this time. It doesn’t matter, though, because of the true, genuine, honesty in each word makes up for the sloppiness. Tears begin to stream down his cheeks so beautifully, so ethereal the way they seem to shimmer in the light of his desk lamp.

Finally, he holds up the card, slightly stained with tears that turn the ink distorted, but it doesn’t matter. It’s perfect.

Maybe he’ll slip it in your locker tomorrow or into your backpack. Taehyung then shivers feverishly from the excitement of finally taking action for this fantasy he’s been chasing for too long.

“Y/N, my Y/N, I was internally born the moment we first met. I no longer have a past, I no longer need anybody else. I just need you, you, and you. Only you…. I only have a future, which will be illuminated by your love.

Sincerely, Your One and Only Lover, Taehyung.”

JEON JUNGKOOK

━━━ A sudden revelation embarks on a journey within his mind. The revelation of who you truly are, what makes up of you entirely. He has finally figured out why storms are named after people and how much destruction one person can cause. You swallow those unlucky whole and spit out their emotions, no source of envy or guilt held within you. Your eyes are cold, so is your heart. You are a cruel being, a wretched human who enjoys suffocating on their own renewed vitality.

But it’s different with Jungkook, you’re softer.

He lets the light, your light wash over him like ocean waves to where he is reminded of eternal peace and drowns in his own joy. You hold the beauty of every microscopic star seen in the sky within your soul, but come closer and you see the glitter and dust that rival all things that shimmer in our world. He sees it, he sees it every day and yet, it never grows old. Every fragment of a moment with you is all fleeting palpitations in his heart and cheeks as red as two ripe cherries.

But someone, one of those pesky insects you call “friends” that constantly zoom around you believes you should leave him. And Jungkook is then reminded of every little reason behind his need for you and the eternal life he desires for the both of you only. But, don’t fret, your feelings are mutual as you spit back and defend Jungkook to the imp before you.

“Oh, Y/N… I knew I could trust you.. I’m your dandelion, aren’t I? And we’ll be with each other forever, won’t we?”

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cl-babydew · 5 years

Text

I Can’t Get Too Close

(They are 16 in this)

(This took me two months to write and I’m finally finished, YES!! So I wrote this fic for @debbigail-lover, as a surprise for secret Santa, but I’m soooo late! XD You deserved this, you were working so hard, and plus you had no one, other then others who also surprised ya!!! And you made me something, which you didn’t have to, but you did, thank you so much for that too lol!!! I hope you all like this!!! Warning, it seems long! XD This book is gonna be painful, but with a very cute ending!!! Oh and before we start, I’d like to thank @sophfandoms53 for helping me write this, she was there to help me right away, and calm me down when I was stressing over this fic!!! XD Bless you Soph, thank you so much, I love you both!!!! Also, I rewrote this fic twice! And I hope this came out good, cuz it doesn’t seem in character to me, but maybe that’s just me?! XD enjoy!!!) (WARNING: I suggest having a tissue box, or ice cream, or something to cling on...yea) (Click on ‘read more’ to have the whole fic)

“We need to talk.” Webby closed the door behind her, standing in front of Dewey. He hasn’t been himself lately, she noticed when she invited him to join her in search of an agent artifact, he told her that he didn’t feel in the mood. Whenever has he not been in the mood for an adventure?! At first she didn’t think anything of it....until he began avoiding her outside of adventure.

He stood up, rubbing his arm, “Look, Webby...” he paused, getting caught in her eyes, then blinking to come back from losing himself, “I just-...it’s hard to explain...please just leave me alone.” He turned around, he didn’t mean to sound rude, he just didn’t want to...he couldn’t....lose her.

“Please, talk to me!” She moved her fingers through her hair, frustration clearly showing. “Did I do something wrong? Just tell me, then I’ll leave!” She demanded.

He flinched, “You wouldn’t understand.” He pushed past her, walking out the room.

“Dew-“ He was gone. She slide in the chair by the desk, covering her face, “What went wrong?”

“Ahhh, we finally made it!” The Scottish adventurer breathed in, “Smells like adventure.”

Louie covered his nose, “Smells like old hot dogs to me.” He gagged, stepping over what he hopped was dirt.

“Where are we anyway?” The red triplet spoke up, looking up from his book.

“The Cosmos!”

“The what?” Louie was tuned out by the two squeals coming from one of his brothers and friend.

“The Cosmos!” Webby repeated, with stars in her eyes.

Dewey came to a stop, his eyes starry as well, but lessening, “W-what’s that?” He looked to Scrooge.

“Why, it’s the best place tu go when stargazing.” He paused, pulling out his map, “But it’s also secretly known fer buried treasure behind breathtaking waterfalls. And we are here tu see if that myth is true tu its tale.”

Louie’s eyes sparkled, looking up from his phone, “Did you say, treasure? What are we waiting for?! Let’s go!” He zoomed off with the speed no one realized he had.

Scrooge called after him, “Be careful lad, yeu don’t know where yer going, yeu could hurt yerself!” He picked up his map, chasing after the hooded, clueless, duckling. Huey following close behind.

“Stargazing!” Dewey singed.

“Waterfalls!” The girl chimed.

They grinned, high-fiving, then scurried after the others.

“Dewey!”

Her cries kept ringing in his head, not allowing him to sleep in peace for at least one night.

“Help!”

He squeezed his eyes, turning to his side, facing the wall, “Please...” He whispered in the base of night.

“DEWEY!”

He sat up, he couldn’t handle much more of this. He got up, grabbing his blue coat, creeping out the room, hoping to not wake his brothers.

“Isn’t it beautiful.” Scrooge whistled, gazing at the waterfall, the sun illuminating a rainbow.

“Are we going to be checking every waterfall?” Huey squinted up, feeling drops of cool mist hit his feathers, it felt nice in this heat.

“Of course not! There’s only one waterfall that was said tu be marked with treasure.” He held out his cane, holding back the blue triplet, who he saw out of the side of his peripheral vision. “Jumping in the water isn’t very safe or smart, especially not in this water.”

Dewey’s shoulders slumped, Webby put a comforting hand on his shoulder, “Sorry Dewey, but Uncle Scrooge’s right.” She smiled brightly, which slowly earned a tiny smile from Dewey, causing familiar butterflies to form in the pit of his stomach. He just ignored the feeling like he always did.

“Fine.” He groaned.

“Are you guys coming, or what?!”

Scrooge scolded, “Louie! What did I say!” He began stomping over to Louie who was a good bit a head.

Knock, knock!

“Dewey?” The sailors eyes widened, looking through his opened door, “It’s the middle of the night, what’s wrong?” He rubbed his eyes.

“Sorry for waking you.” Dewey walked in, sitting at the table booth.

Donald smiled, yawing, shutting the door behind him, “I’m fine.” He turned to Dewey, frowning, “But, what’s bothering you?”

He didn’t answer. His stomach twisted into knots, the feeling of holding himself back. Emotions whirling inside him, screaming to burst out any moment.

“Bad dream?” Donald assumed.

Dewey cracked a tiny smile, “I wish, but no.”

“Oh...did...did something happen that I don’t know about?”

Dewey’s face scrunched up, shrugging, “I guess you could say that.”

“Does...does it have to do with your mom?” Donald crossed his fingers under the table, hoping this wasn’t the case.

He shook his head, fiddling with his fingers, “Not this time.” Though his mom was another issue, it wasn’t the main problem of his actions lately.

Donald looked around the room, his eyes stopping upon a picture. He got up, Dewey’s eyes followed, “A girl perhaps?...” He trailed off, he turned back to Dewey, his face revealing most of the truth. He walked back to the table, sitting down, revealing the picture, “Someone like...this girl.”

Dewey turned away from the photo, his cheeks were slightly hinted red.

Donald smirked, “Bingo”

He rested his chin in the palm of his hand, his eyes more alert now, “Is that all?”

Dewey turned his head slightly, “You pretty much got it...”

Donald’s smile melted into a sad one, “Did something happen between you two?”

“Not in the way I’d-you’d think.” He rubbed his face.

Donald frowned, “Continue, please.” He relaxed his shoulders, watching as Dewey breathed in, looking out the illuminated moon light window.

“Well...”

“Are you sure you know where you’re going?” Huey backed away from one of the waterfall’s edges, shivering from the steep drop.

“Of course not!” Scrooge called back, gripping his cane to steady himself.

“What?! That’s it! We’re lost! I didn’t even get to live to see the day where I earned all my badges!” Huey’s eye twitched just a bit, anxiety coloring his face.

“We aren’t lost!” Scrooge sighed, “It’s called instinct, lad. I let me instinct guide me, it’s how I became such a good adventurer.” Scrooge grinned, keeping a close eye on Louie.

“Instinct?! Yea, we’re going to die!” Huey muttered, stepping over rocks, clutching his beloved book to his chest.

“Think positive!” Scrooge chimed, stretching his arms out to the world, still gripping onto his cane.

“I’m positive we’re going to die!”

Scrooge muttered something under his breath, something about needing a vacation.

He looked over his shoulder, spotting Dewey and Webby lagging behind, “Try tu keep up yeu two! I don’t want tu be scolded by yer Uncle and Grandmother fer not keeping track of yeu two.” He called over his shoulder.

They turned from the mesmerizing waterfall, as if they were in a trance.

“Coming!” They harmonized, speeding up a bit.

Scrooge held his hand out, and tugged at Louie’s hoodie. The others almost collided into each other.

They watched with raised eyebrows, as their great Uncle gazed across the view, licking his finger, then pointing it up in the air.

“This is it.” He squinted up at the double waterfall, avoiding the rapid stream connecting into another.

“Really? Are you sure?” Huey spoke unsteadily over the cheers.

“Surer then I’ll ever be.” Scrooge chuckled, pointing his cane up.

Huey blinked, soaking in their surroundings. It was a pretty view, and even though he hated to admit it, he needed to put a little more trust in his great Uncle...for now at least.

“I can already smell the treasure!” Louie chuckled, rubbing his hands together, smirking bigger then ever.

Scrooge smiled fondly, breathing in, he’s glad he has someone to share money senses with, “Atta lad!” He patted Louie’s shoulder, “Now let’s go, but be carful as we do so.”

Louie nodded, following as Scrooge led.

Dewey pulled Webby back, tugging her arm, she frowned, “What?”

Dewey shouted over to Scrooge, “We’ll catch up!”

His faint voice vibrated over to them, “Be carful! I don’t want tu be caught dead by yer Uncle an Grandmother if something were tu happen tu ya both. Webby, keep a close eye on the lad, will ya?” Even tho he couldn’t see, Webby nodded. Webby had his most trust out of the others.

Dewey rolled his eyes, his hands still wrapped around Webby’s arm.

Webby turned to him, glancing at her arm which was still gently in his grip, “Why are we catching up later?”

Dewey shrugged, “Let them find their treasure, while their digging for gold, we’ll be going on our own adventure! Are you up for it?”

“Of course!!!” She grinned widely, to which he returned.

She looked around, letting her arm slip from his grasp, “We just have to stay close so we won’t get lost, so, where to first?” She looked back to him, her eyes shimmering with excitement.

Dewey hummed, “I haven’t figured it out yet, but let’s see where the wind takes us!” She nodded in reply.

“Let me get this straight, Scrooge Let you two, wander off?! ALONE?!” Donald eyed an uncomfortable Dewey.

“Yessss?” Dewey sqeaked, tensing up.

Donald breathed, closing his eyes.

Dewey look around, the air becoming thick, “...U-Uncle Donald?”

After a few moments of deep breathing, he shifted to Dewey, “Please continue, I’ll let Scrooge have his last few moments of breathing before I kill him.” he rubbed at his forehead.

Dewey shuffled in his seat, chuckling awkwardly, “You’re joking right?”

Donald gave him a look, causing Dewey to shiver, turning back to the story at hand.

“So me and Webby went off...”So me and Webby went off...”

The two ducklings were running around, feeling the breeze against their feathers. Butterflies flew around them, one landing on Webby’s beak, trying to hold back laughter so she wouldn’t scare it off. She whispered to catch Dewey’s attention.

“Dewey! Look!” He snapped around at her call.

He chuckled, stepping a bit closer to inspect the butterfly, only to be really caught by her eyes. Webby’s eyes traveled to Dewey’s, her breath getting caught in her throat. None of them noticed the butterfly leaving, they were too lost within each other to notice the things around them.

Her eyes were such a sparkly color, he couldn’t look away. It struck curiosity within him, it made him want to move closer, to go swim deeper in her eyes. He wanted to know more, he needed to know more. He just had to.

For her, it was basically a roller coaster of emotions. These emotions confused her to no end, why is this happening? Why does this...this feeling cause her cheeks to feel warm, was it getting hotter? It had to be the heat...right? His eyes...they were too much, but not enough at the same time. She wanted to reach out and touch them, they seemed like stars that she wanted to catch and explore.

Sadly though, a rumbling quake snapped the both of them out of their trances. They held onto each other’s arms, trying to steady each other.

Webby looked behind her, she was really close to the edge, and below were rocks and a huge drop with water rushing around vigorously. If she fell...she was for sure doomed. This thought caused her to grip onto Dewey tighter, her nails deepening, which he ignored, more worried about their surroundings.

Dewey tried to walk back slowly, but because of how much the ground was shaking, it was too much of a risk. Which normally he’d take, but he didn’t wanna risk losing his best friend. It wasn’t worth it. But if he didn’t move-

The ground behind Webby started to crumble under, inching away, closing in to swallow her.

This had to happen of all days, and adventures! He cursed under his breath, his his tightening around her arms as well.

He caught a glimpse of Webby’s fear, her eyes, looking through his as if it would apply her an answer.

“W-why is this happening?!” Webby screeched over the sound of the world crumbling around them.

Her foot slipped off the edge, quickly planting it back, “Dewey, we have to move!” She screamed as another foot slipped, she inched closer too Dewey, he wrapped his arms around her.

“If we move then it’ll make this situation worse!” Dewey shouted. He was scared, for him and her, what are they going to do?! How could he save her?!

“Dewey!” Webby screamed once more, she slipped out of his arms, and down to his hands. “Help!” She cried, tears falling like the waterfall near them.

His heart raced, he gripped her hands, but as he tried to pull her with the strength he had, another rumble shook the ground, causing his best friend to slip through his fingers.

“DEWEY!”

...All he could do was watch as she pummeled to the rocks, and rough waters in slow motion. He failed! He-he couldn’t protect her. He was useless...he felt vulnerable. Why can’t he look away! Why isn’t he jumping after her?! Why was his body frozen and forcing him to watch this happen to his best friend! To the one he loved! He loved her! He needed her! He needed her eyes in his life! “Jump!” He tried to scream to his body, but nothing. He deserved this, he deserved to live with this, showing his failure. This’ll play over and over as a way to punish him for failing. He deserved all of this...she deserved none of it.

He saw her hit a huge rock. Everything went numb, he heard faint shouts from behind him, he felt his cheeks burn and tingle and soak with tears, He felt his clothes becoming soaked from ether sweat or rain. He didn’t move, his eyes rested upon Webby’s lifeless looking body on a rock down below. His body was paralyzed. He couldn’t move. His beak apart.

Beep.....beep....beep...

He snapped back into reality, it seemed he was in a hospital. He saw a body lay in the bed in front of him. He got up, hand resting on the rail, the blue clad swallowed hard, memory hitting him like a tilde wave.

Before he knew it, he was in tears, hunching over, hiccuping, catching his sleeping brothers attention. He could faintly hear his great Uncle and Beakley arguing outside the room.

His brothers came to his side, wrapping their arms around him, as he shook them off, “Don’t touch me!” His voice raised a bit, quivering as his tears continued to fall. His brothers flinched back, eyes red.

“Dewey-”

“I failed, Huey! I was supposed to protect her! This is all my fault! She’s...” He trailed off, seeing the needles in her hands, and the braces around her arm and neck. He broke once more, “It’s my fault! I...she might be gone because of me!” He sobbed, sinking into the chair behind them, covering his face.

“It should of been me...” he mourned silently.

“...All of it was my fault. And I made a vow that I’d try to stay far away as possible from her, because I didn’t want to hurt her, I caused so much damage already. And I realized that everything terrible that happened, the issue about mom, Webby, the family splitting, mom ending up on the moon-everything! Was my fault. So I distant myself from Webby and adventures as much as I could...I know Webby isn’t happy about me ignoring her...but it’s for the best.” Dewey sighed, feeling guilty, drawing loops on the table with his finger.

Donald blinked, processing everything. He was shocked to say the least. His nephew, the one he was supposed to project, care for, remind that he was something special, him and his brother, was in so much pain,“Wow...”

Dewey rested his eyes, the image of her lifeless body in the hospital bed, haunting him.

“Yea...” he whispered.

Donald looked over to him, frowning, “Dewey...”

He hummed, signaling that he was listening, or at least half listening.

Donald’s eyes were shooting everywhere around the room, his mouth trying to form words. His nephew has been through so much, he really thought everything was was because of him?! Oh how he took after the Uncle. “Heh, ‘Father like son’, more like ‘Uncle like nephew.” he chuckled sadly at the thought.

Clearing his throat, Donald positioned himself to face Dewey better, “You remind me of...well, me! When I was younger anyway...”

Dewey’s eyes fluttered open, sitting up enough to look up at his Unlce, “Really?”

He nodded, “Really.” He smiled sadly.

The sailor rubbed his hand through Dewey’s hair, messing it up a bit. Dewey fixed it out of habit, with a slight annoyed look.

“How?” Dewey mumbled, glancing at his reflection across the room through one of the mirrors hung against the walls. He winced at the sight of the bags under his eye, he really needed sleep.

“Well, I used to blame everything on others like your great Uncle Scrooge for instants, but I knew deep down that most things were my fault...” Donald trailed off, smiling fondly at Dewey’s yawn.

“Did you ever distance yourself from anyone?”

Donald didn’t wait a beat to answer that question, “Your mom, but of course she wouldn’t let me get away that easily. Especially when Daisy would confront her about everything I told her.” He laughed, “Those two were like two peas in a pod, they told each other everything. Though, your mother was a bit annoyed that I was confronting Daisy and not her about it...”

They stood silent, staring into the night sky of the window. A sound of one of Donald’s generators kicking on.

Dewey muffled into the table, rubbing his arm with his thumb, “What do I do, Uncle Donald?”

His Uncle turned to him, “For starters, let’s get something clear” holding up a finger, “not everything is your fault. None of that was your fault, Dewey...you can’t control what happens...it just happens, weather if you want it to, or not. Something that took, even myself, a while to understand.”

Dewey looked down at the table, arms still around his head, thinking back to when he went see his mom in the past, but learning that he couldn’t save her. It hurt to know the truth.

“But...” Donald sighed, looking down at Dewey, smiling softly.

The blue triplet slightly looked up at him, peeking from behind his arms, “But?”

“You may not be able to change what happened in the past, but you can change the future by making the present right.”

“Uncle Donald?”

“Tomorrow, talk to Webby, tell her how you feel. Spill your heart out to her...because you may not get another chance if something were to happen.”

Dewey’s beak was slightly apart, his heart beating against his chest. He watched his Uncle, who’s eyes were now looking out the window.

Donald looked back at Dewey, “I promise you, she’ll understand...more than you think.” He smiled yawning.

It went quiet, the blue Duckling was trying to process his Uncle's words. Confess?! Spill his heart out to her?? Tell her how he feels?! But...how could he....?

Donald rested his hand on Dewey’s shoulder, “Trust me.”

Dewey swallowed, nodding once, and smiling a bit, “Thank you, Uncle Donald.”

The sailor pulled his nephew into a hug, rubbing his back, “Anytime, Dewey...anytime...”

He led Dewey to the door, “Now off to bed with you. You have some day tomorrow.”

The blue clad’s face was flushed, “Yeah.” He chuckled nervously, butterflies already swarming within him, “Goodnight Uncle Donald.”

“Goodnight Dewey.” Donald smiled, waving the sleepy Duckling off, watching as he got in the house safely. Donald’s shoulders relaxed, not noticing that they were tense earlier. He closed the door behind him, whispering, “Good luck.”

The next morning Dewey stopped in front of his best friends room. His hands shaking, he rubbed his sweaty palms on his shirt.

“Ok Dewey, you can dew this...” he muttered under his breath.

The house was too quiet to what he’s used to, he could hear himself think, which wasn’t a good thing in this moment.

Closing his eyes, and breathing in, he balled his fist and tapped the door once barley audible.

“Whelp, looks like no ones home!” He turned on his heels, only to run into his older brother, glaring down at him.

“Hey Huey...what-what’s up?” He chuckled nervously.

Huey raised an eyebrow, smirking, “Uncle Donald wanted me to make sure you didn’t chicken out.”

Dewey laughed, “Pffff, me? The Dewey Duck, chickening out?! Yeah right!” He puffed out his chest, grinning. “Thanks Uncle Donald.”

Huey wasn’t convinced, “Fine then, Dewey, how about you actually knock this time.” He smirked, hearing his brother growl something under his breath.

Dewey turned around, stomach twisting into knots. “Here I go...” his hand inched closer to the frame, “I’m going to knock...” heart pounding, he was afraid Webby might be able to hear before he could even knock, his hand flew to his side, spinning around, “I can’t do it!” He groaned.

Huey chuckled, ‘I knew it.” He shook his head.

“I’m sorry, it’s not like this is easy! It’s harder then it looks.” Dewey sassed.

Huey rolled his eyes, smiling, “Oh you got it bad for her, don’t you.”

Dewey folded his arms, biting his bottom beak, a faint blush spread to the side of his cheeks.

The eldest sighed, resting a hand on Dewey’s shoulder, catching his attention, “I suggest you do it now, or Louie will for you.” Huey warned.

Dewey’s eyes widened, “NO!” He covered his beak, looking over his shoulder to the door, then turning back to Huey in a whisper, “No! He can’t! He’ll make this worse, he might even blackmail me if he found out about my feelings for Webby!”

“Who says he doesn’t know?” Huey smirked.

Covering his face, Dewey groaned, “Am I that obvious?”

“Yep.” A familiar voice popped up from behind them, causing Dewey to jump.

“How did you-”

“A magician never reveals his secrets-”

“I texted him.” Huey blinked, frowning.

Louie mumbled, “Sure, take the fun out of it.” He shoved his hand into his pockets.

Huey rolled his eyes.”You betrayed me!” Dewey held a hand on his chest dramatically.

“Oh grow up!” Huey snapped, rolling his eyes.

“Don’t tell me to grow up! You’re still a Jonior Woodchuck. 16, and you still can’t get into the Senior Woodchucks!” Dewey whisper shouted.

Huey gasped, gritting his teeth, “You. Take. That. Back!”

“Then you take what you said back!”

Louie looked between his brothers, clutching his phone, “You guys are acting like children.”

“No one asked you Louie!” They spat.

“Oh you just poked a bear!” He pounced on his blue brother, Huey being dragged down by Dewey.

Humming to herself, the duckling with a pink bow wrapped a string around a photo, pin pointing certain pictures of the McDuck, and Duck family.

Thud!

“Ow! You’re gonna pay for that!”

She overheard, what she assumed to be Louie, quack.

Some days she was fine with hanging out with the boys, going on adventures with them, and even learning new things about them...

She grasped the handle, opening the door.

...Other days, well...

“Guys?” She spoke over the shouting, seeing them freeze. Dewey was holding Louie’s arm behind his back while he was trying to look up at her, one eye and cheek squished on the ground. Huey on the other hand, was in the middle of pulling the blue siblings hair, messing up his perfect zoosh, as he called it. “What is going on?”

The boys hummed in course, trying to think of an excuse, scattering off of the ground and untangling from each other. They glared, before allowing their full attention on her.

“Well...” she gripped the handle, tensing at the sound of her voice, 16, and she was already starting to sound like her granny.

Louie pushed Dewey in front of them, changing the subject, “Dewey needed to talk to you!”

“Very mature, Louie.” Dewey muttered.

She squinted at the other two, them caught Dewey glaring at them. He glanced back at her, to which her eyes softened. He shuffled awkwardly under her gaze.

Webby sighed, stepping to the side, “Oh...um...” she trailed off, shuffling uncomfortably.

He hesitated, catching her smile that seemed fake, even for her. He began to slowly walk in.

Once he had his back to her, she leaned out the door to whisper to the others, “And don’t even think about east dropping!”

They gave her an innocent look, she continued to eye them as she slowly closed the door behind her.

After a bit of silence and staring at the frame of the door, Huey glanced over to Louie’s direction, “So...we are totally spying, right?”

Louie grinned, “You know it!”

They crept up to the door, listening in.

Closing the door behind her, Webby stayed facing the frame, her head swarmed like a hive of bees.

“I see you’re adding more to the bored.” He chuckled, trying to lighten the thick air. He leaned near a picture of him and his brothers when they first met her, “Heh, it’s crazy to think that was 3 or 4 years ago, it feels like it was just yesterday.” The glimmer in his eyes faded as he frowned, peeling his eyes from the photo, he turned his head to face her. She was still facing the door, her body frozen like a statue.

He stepped a bit away from the board, “So about last night, I-”

“Do you have a problem with me?” Her voice was just a soft whisper.

He questioned, “What?”

“Did I do something wrong?” She twisted around, he could tell she was holding back. He hated seeing her like this.

“Webby-...you...no...” dang it! “Words, this is not the time to stop working!” He scanned the room like it would give him something to say, anything at all! His face was scrunched up.

“Then why are you like...this?!” She motioned to him, frustration coloring her face. “You haven’t been yourself lately, and you’ve been avoiding me!” A tear slipped down her rosy cheek. She made no motion to wipe it away.

His heart pounded against his chest, fighting back his own tears, he avoided her eyes, “I...I just wanted to protect you...”

“Protect me?! From what?!” Her arms flew around

He didn’t answer, holding his arms, looking at his webbed feet. How could he explain to her that it was him, he was protecting her from. It was him, that messed up so many times, that it was his fault she got hurt and could’ve- that it was him who caused everything bad to happen, that he was the issue, that...that...THAT...he loves her...it was all him...

“I know you, Dewey, and this isn’t you!” She snapped, looking him up and down.

His head jerked up, she was looking at him like she didn’t know him...didn’t recognize him...he was still him...right?? He was still Dewey Duck! The bravest adventurer around, after Scrooge of course...he was still...Dewey...

“Why are you acting like this?!” She whispered.

Something in him suddenly broke, “Because it’s me! This is the real me, weather you like it or not! That’s fine, because I don’t even like the real me! But this is me. I’m sick of hiding behind a mask! I’m sorry if you don’t like what’s behind the mask. If you don’t, why don’t you just try and erase me from your memory.” His heart stopped, and from the looks of her gaping beak, hers did too. Oh gosh, why did he just say that?! Why did he have to snap at her!? Why did he say THAT?! Why was he even here?!

He saw her beak tremble a bit, tears forming in her eyes, “Webby...I...I didn’t mean-”

“What about me?” She shouted, her tears were falling like waterfalls, but yet, she still looked beautiful, “What? You think you’re the only one suffering? Dewey, you are the only person I can ever be this vulnerable with! How can I trust you...if I don’t even know who you are anymore?! How...how can you trust me?! Can we even trust ourselves?!”

“Webby-”

“You are not my Dewey!” She spit out, her voice cracking. Her hands turned into fist, knuckles turning white.

They stood in silence, all he could do was watch as the one he loved fell to her knees, her hair a mess, sticking to her stained cheeks. He did that to her...

He came to her side, slowly falling down to his knees near her. He gently put a hand on her shoulder, a bit hesitant at first.

“I’m...I’m so sorry...this is exactly why I distanced myself...and all you wanted to do was talk...” his voice cracked, but he didn’t care, all he cared about right now was the girl hunched over her knees, sobbing.

She moved her hands from her eyes, looking to him, “I’m just worried about you...I don’t want to lose another-” she hiccuped, he pulled her into a hug. “I can’t just forget you...and I don’t want to forget you.”

“You may not be able to change what happened in the past, but you can change the future by making the present right...” his Uncle's voice rung through his head.

“Shhh...” he smoothed her hair.

“Dewey...” Webby sniffled, pushing back to look at him, “This is hard for me too...you’re not the only one hiding behind a mask...It’s so hard to be yourself when you are afraid others will judge you, and-and you feel the real you isn’t enough...”

He sucked in a breath, “Webby...”

She looked him in the eyes, both of them could see how broken they were, they were complete messes.

How could she not love who she was?! She was Webby Vanderquack! She was beautiful, talent, shined brighter then the stars!!! He loved everything about her! But apparently...she didn’t?

The girl in his arms took in a shaky breath, eyes slipping from his. He didn’t want her to stop looking at him...

“Webby...you are incredible! You’re a granddaughter of a secret agent! You’re so cool! You light everyone’s world up! How could we not love you?! Yes you may have flaws...everyone does...” he rubbed the back of his beck sheepishly, “You light up my world Webby...you’re my best friend! You’re super talented! No one can do what you do! There’s only one you, and I’m glad I met you. I’m glad I have you in my life, we all are, we love you, for who you are! You’re spunky, courageous, brave, goofy, smart, a warrior with a big heart, dare I say...beautiful...we love you so much. You’re just so remarkable, I don’t know what any of us would do without you. And...even though we aren’t enough for others...we are enough for each other.” He pulled her into another hug, hearing her gasp into sobs once more, she clanged onto his shirt, burying her head into his neck.

He didn’t mind her messing up his shirt, she needed this, and so did he. They gripped onto each other for a while.

Once her hiccups settled, he let her climb up to her bed, sitting on it, while he sat on the side of her.

“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to...you can go...” she rubbed her eyes, they were puffy and red.

He wrapped his arm around her, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder, “I’d rather be here. Plus, I owe you the truth after these past few months.”

He let his arm fall, putting his hands on his knees, shifting a bit on her bed, slightly facing her. He breathed in, then out, eyes closing and reopening, “The truth is, I was protecting you from myself...” he glanced up at her, then back to his hands.

“Why?” Webby sniffed, still recovering from earlier, she played with a strand of her hair. Something she did to calm herself, or when she was nervous.

“I didn’t want to hurt you anymore then I already did...I already caused so much, and seeing you in that hospital bed...I realized so much, Webby. So I had to...I promised myself that I would protect you from...well...me.” He laid back on the bed, covering his eyes, he cried so much, he didn’t think he had any tears left in him to shed.

His hands uncovered, realizing Webby was studying him, her smile was soft, and her eyes were glossy, “Dewey, it wasn’t your fault...yes you may cause some problems-”

“Hey!” He nudged her shoulder, earning a giggle that escaped her beak.

Webby continued, “As I was saying...not everything is because of you...and you don’t have to protect me, I can protect myself. Especially against you.” A smiled played on her beak. “But it’s sweet of you to want to protect me...but I’m okay now, and I’m here. Oh and plus, I got this cool scar!” She showed him her arm, which had a medium sized scar across it. He chuckled, resting his head on top of his arms.

“...because you may not get another chance if something were to happen.”

His cheeks warmed up a bit, he watched as she collapsed near him, sighing.

“We are such messes.” Dewey chuckled.

“No one’s perfect.” His head turned to her, she turned to him, their eyes locked, her hair sprawled around her. He gave her a soft smile.

They fell into each other’s eyes...the world disappearing round them...they missed this. Her eyes twinkled, stars shinning within her eyes, breathtaking. He noticed her pink hinted cheeks, the way her bow complimented her features. His hand reached up to move a tiny lock of hair from her face that wasn’t resting on the bed, too caught up in the moment to comprehend what he was doing. Her hand followed up to his, gently grabbing onto his. His thumb rubbed over the back of her hand.

They ignored the fast beats of their hearts, the butterflies fluttering in their stomachs, the only thing on their minds were each other. Dewey hadn’t realized how close they were until his eyes snapped to her beak, then back at her eyes. He could feel her breath on his face, and he bet she could feel his. He’d count all the times she’d blink. She bit her beak, causing him to want an kiss her.

They slowly came closer to each other, Dewey’s hand rested on her cheek, while her hand rested on top of his. Their beaks were inches apart, eyes slightly open.

Before they knew it, their beaks were connected. The kiss is soft and gentle, but sends a wave of fireworks through them both. Once Dewey pulls away, Webby felt lightheaded.

“What was that for?” She felt her warm cheeks, her voice was out of breath.

He breathed, “Because...I love you, Webs...” he heard a light gasp, “I have for a while now-”

She cut him off, her beak back on his, surprising him. they broke apart, catching their breaths.

“I’m crazy about you!” He confessed, chuckling.

She giggled, “I love you too, Dewey!”

He kissed her nose, wanting to hear her giggle. Her laughs were his weakness. He always melted when he heard her giggle.”Webby...”

She sat up, looking down at him. He sat up, grabbing her hands, “Dewey?”

He smiled sweetly at her nervous expression, “Every time I see you, I fall in love with you all over again.”

She pecked his cheek, smiling, “I would’t mind falling for you over and over.”

Once they opened the door to Webby’s room, they were ready for what was to come.

“Ow!” Dewey’s brothers fell in the floor, looking up at the couple.

“Hehehehe...hi.” Huey chuckled nervously, getting him and Louie off the ground.

Dewey rolled his eyes, grinning, “Just wait when it’s your turns.”

Louie smirked, “Un til then, when’s the wedding? He teased.

Webby and Dewey looked at each other, pushing past the other two.

the green clad shrugged, “Guess you owe me 10 bucks”

Huey grumbled, handing Louie what he owed.

Dewey and Webby ran past Donald, hand in hand, to which he smiled, his nephew was finally happy again.

“That’s my boy.” Donald smiled, “I wonder what Daisy’s been up to?”

THE END YASSSSS FINALLY FINISHED IT GUYS, WHOO-HOOOO!!!

So I hope you all loved it, even tho it’s iffy! This took me so long to do!

Tagging: @ifs15, @lemonduck2, @ducktales-fangirl, @spiritarcticclawsw, @creativeshippersworldsblog, @webby-dings-reblogs, @raheyyy, @artproductionsofficial, @dannymg777, @crimsoncobaltblue, @haystarlight

#angst #debbigail #ducktales 2017 #Dewey Duck #Webby Vanderquack #Louie Duck #Huey Duck #scrooge mcduck #donald duck #fanfiction #fluff #angst/fluff #CLICK THE READ MORE TO READ ALL OF IT

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