#cause i dont wanna b rude

[bibyshitsuji24k]

Yana's comment on chapter 200:

✨Next time, chapter 200! I'm glad to be healthy enough to draw and deliver you this manga every month [Yana]✨

[unanimoustwins]

FRIENDS ROMANS COUNTRYMEN after like a fuckin MONTH i have made a fairly succinct lore summary just in time for all the new viewers that are coming along with the new members! 116 days of lore in 36 slides with pictures and vids linked throughout!

https://tinyurl.com/QSMPLoreRecap

[thepinkseashell]

HELPPPPPPPPPPPP A MAN CONFESSED HIS LOVE TO ME TODAY MY BROTHER IN CHRIST I AM A HOMO LESBO DYKE 😭

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

local minima rn lads.

[my3rzs]

Hii! Welcome here :) I would love to ask you for some comfort?? Haha, maybe like reader and Xavier being like enemies, but then some day another student was making reader really uncomfortable so Xavier like stood up for reader, maybe like pretends to date reader so the student would leave them alone , xoxo love you ))

thank you.

xavier thorpe x reader

warnings: swearing, someone making reader uncomfy (i think thats all but pls tell me if i missed anyy!)

you woke up and yawned, scoffing while getting ready for your first class. you didnt feel like going to school today, you were having a bad day.

botany class was your first class. which is one of the classes where u sat next to xavier. you didnt feel like arguing with him ‘cause you were already having a bad day.

you were walking into class, then you stopped when you saw xavier leaning against the door waiting for you, you rolled your eyes as you saw him with a mischievous grin. ''lets get this over with'' you sighed. you walked again and tried to avoid him but he grabbed your wrist “dont try to avoid me, sweetheart” he said.“xavier, i dont have time for this. i just wanna get to class, and please dont call me that?” you said getting out of his grip and going to your seat leaving him with a confused look.

the rest of the class was boring, you just listened to bianca and wednesday’s rivalry while xavier tried to tease you or catch your attention by drawing spiders or butterflies but you kept smashing them into dust.

as class was finally over, you grabbed your bag and walked out of class walking into the quad and finding a seat. until you see one of the werewolves, cole. he always made you uncomfortable and it was so annoying. “what do you want cole?” you scoffed. “don’t act like that, babe.” he said as he placed a hand on your thigh. “what the fuck cole! don’t touch me!” you screamed so loud some people turned your way. “why are you so dram-“ he got cut off as he got pushed to the ground by a tall boy, you looked up to see who it was.. xavier? what is he doing here.

“don’t touch my girlfriend, asshole.” he said as he pulled cole’s collar and pulled you away to go to his dorm.

it was silent so you decided to speak, “thank you” you whispered blushing because he called you his girlfriend. “you’re welcome, y/n. it’s no big deal. i’m sorry about the whole ‘girlfriend’ part.” he said scratching the back of his neck. you gave him a slight smile, “im also sorry, for being rude from the start of the day, i was not in the mood and stuff.” you sighed. “y/n, can i tell you something? and promise it wont change anything between us.” he said stuttering saying the last part, “yes, promise.” you promised, curious about what he’s gonna say.

“i-i’ve liked you since the first fucking second i saw you, actually, i fucking love you! i was just saying fucked up shit so i could get your attention, ajax is so tired of me talking about you and my feelings i have for you, y/n. i just want you to be mine only, because i was always yours. i just want you to know that i fucking love you y/n! i always have and i always will.” he lightly gasped as he realized what he said cursing himself in his mind. “it’s okay if you dont like me b-“ you cut him off by smashing your lips into his wrapping your hands around his neck as xavier grabbed your waist pulling you closer to him.

you broke the kiss to catch a breath “i love you too xavier” you said kissing him again

------------------------------------------------

a/n: im sorry this is so bad, this is rushed and this is my first time writing in a few months, but i hope you like it anon :’)

[yourmoonmomma]

hey can I ask your advice on this common issue? what do you think is the best option cause girl I have struggled with friends since forever. Every other person is either so self absorbed that they need jesus or idfk are people getting worse at communication and listening?

do you think its better to a) have limited amount of "friends" even fi you dont meet them regularly enough

b) those friends that only ever message once in a blue moon orrrr if they do ever meet up with you everything is abt them

c) or non at all bc everyone puts up a facade and you dont know which one is the real them

I feel like I have run into all sorts of people yet nothings stuck besides similar patterns in the type of people I seem to be running into. Even family and parents are sometimes a bit of a letdown as well or I barely get to see other relatives anymore. idk but the way society is currently doesnt give me good feelings and it seems that if we dont have or get into something early on we dont get to maintain close connections whereas others might just have been at the right time or place to meet their life long buddies. I tried clubs, online activities with another friend but it just didnt stick to me like that one thing would be all we had in common or they kinda didnt care to explore other activities that we couldve done well at together.

I just think and am concerned with how selfish people are becoming and how people dont even want to be accountable for nothing they ever did wrong either? Like you ask person can you not interrupt me but they will keep doing it over and over cause it seem nothing I say sticks to anyones mind. Then I get told off if im ever too loud or too quiet so I cant win with anyone. Even tho other adults are also loud and even more obnoxious than whatever im trying to do I jusr cant seem to receive the same attention long enough to feel valued

I mean say you had same age friend in college who kept turning down ur offers to socialise outside of their area / home? its rude asf imho, I even tell her that sure we can gift each other bday presents orrr we might hang out during class and such but anything else she didnt care to spend other time in my area or seeing something new or doing something new... every time I ask someone been rejecting me or almost ignore my existence even if they claim to be my "friend" I dont even tell no one nothing abt myself bc u dont know how the other person going to react and some people are chronic talkers or overshare too much and I think those types of people are more annoying to deal with bc u got to basicslly be their audience and they too also dont care that much to ask u nothing to show u no interest in ur intersts. it dont seem to matter what age or generation they be either. but damn people are getting harder to connect with bc u dont know what personality they going to have when trying to engage with them.

some people also outright contradict themselves or gaslight others in the same paragraphs or sentences too which make it harder to point out they doing it cause nobody ever wanna admit they at fault for something or other. so I cant win with that bc people seem to be so mentally asleep about themselves. I have experienced literal adult men throwing tantrums for over decade and got not a single response whenever I be trying to share my interest with them they just dont care or relatives idfk. I mean I can vent to someone and they show almost no emotion nor concern for my vent or problem. mostly bc they wont believe me or dismiss anything i ever say if they dont believe it as well.

same for those who dont ask how you doing? is the world just becoming so blindsided and cliquey, if we dont have the same level of interest that others have in themselves then they aint going to care but its been such a common pattern in my life and ik something was off when I was doing this fun run and was supposed to run with my "friends" but they ended up running slower basically to avoid me even tho i dont say nothing wrong to them then or at any point. idk why social rejection is worse feeling than completely being ignored cause at least I now want only peace in my life instead of buncha fake ass people who dont care in the long run but then life is less fun at the same time.

when ur a kid u think u can get so much praise and attention but when u an adult u quickly realise who really dont care in the long run or they can sometimes say they care but when u really upset with them they dont care to correct their behaviour. I think I been dealing with narcs my whole life bruh. sorfy for rambling thanks for reading

I think the first option is better. HOWEVER I am also a bad friend. Like I'll state it right off the bat to people. A mutual friend, Joy, recently messaged me saying she'd love to be closer with me, and I told her that I'd also love that, BUT I am not a good friend. I forget to text back, I almost NEVER text first, I'm flaky with plans, etc etc. If you need someone, I am there, but just as a general everyday friend? I'm not that great! So BECAUSE of that, your first option sounds better for me. But it may not be what feels best for you! However, I don't think isolating from numerous negative experiences is a good idea. I know it's hard to keep trying, but it will eventually be worth it.

You have to find the people who are more like-minded to you, and they ARE out there. Frankly I think you & my friend Jonah would get along REALLY well, you two seem to have similar personalities, or at least talk about very very similar things/experiences! You will find your people <3

Social rejection hurts more because you opened yourself. You're saying "maybe this will work this time." Your inner child is eagerly looking for connection and love and wants so badly for this to be the time you aren't rejected. So it feels like a slap in the face. You're right, if you don't put yourself out there, it doesn't hurt as bad!!! But you will also end up missing out on a lot.

And just know, you are NOT in the wrong for being hurt by those situations. I would be hurt too. I've been upset with a few friends lately who are always "so excited" to see me, but then if I spend a couple days NOT travelling to them, they will straight up ignore me or refuse to come over because it isn't worth their time. That shit hurts. So this college friend? I'd be upset too in your position. Likewise the running situation? I've been the third friend trailing behind another two while they talk. I've straight up stopped and watched them not realize, at all, that I wasn't with them anymore. Again, that hurts. GOOD friends? Don't do that. Or, if they do, they're willing to apologize and correct the behaviour. At least, friends who are good for you!

Also I'm probably gonna prove your point right that most people suck LOL but I'm sorry I have such a hard time answering your asks sometimes!! Big blocks of texts are hard for me to respond to unmedicated, or when I'm under the weather, or just... feeling my ADHD symptoms at all. Sounds like an excuse, but I am sorry, and I do always read your full messages, even if I don't respond <33

[albedostartarus]

I don’t know what is it about this past week man. This isn’t the first time but it’s definitely the most frequent. I have this overwhelming feeling of self hatred and feeling unwanted. Like I don’t deserve to have friends or have food or have fun. It’s just. I can’t talk to my friends even, I love them so much Tim and lusmos and Tanzania are among the best things that have happened to me and the best people I know period. They know more about me than anyone and I can no longer talk to them without feeling like I’m walking on eggshells all the time. I keep asking Tim to tell me if I bother them but everytime I say it and they agree I feel like even saying that was bothering them and they do not say anything to be nice. I make outwardly rude, defensive and downright condescending remarks I talk and text weirdly I cannot feel good about anything I say to them I feel like I’m bothering them, invading their space and sometimes even straight up harrasing them. I don’t want to cause pain to my friebds I don’t want to make them sad. I hate how I am physically , mentally whatever other way there is like. This isn’t the first time; that one time when tanays friend compared my art w his and I got defensive and yelled at her like a toxic pos. Or when I got defensive and argued with Tim about something CS I don’t even remember what. I look ugly, I’m dumb, I can’t even talk to my friends who have done so much for me I dont know if I deserve any of this I fucking hate myself. I just. I wish it weren’t so hard to talk to people who are my FRIENDS and have been my friends for years. Why do I feel like I no longer know what they’re thinking, whether I’m being nice or crossing a boundary or not. I’m fucking stupid, this is why I turned down zann to meet today because I no longer know if I’m even a good person, if I can even talk to her or hang out with her without making it awkward and uncomfortable somehow. I think that when she asks to meet on the gc she’s really asking Katie and not me. Saying yes to either to hang out when the other isn’t going feels like I’m intruding somehow. I keep trying to “”redeem”” myself to Tim by consuming media he rec and reading things he’s sent me ages ago but I’ve failed at it so much that asking him for an honest opinion B/w two things still feels like I’m somehow kissing up to him bc I feel bad EVEN THOUGH IM NOT it was a genuine confusion and can I even blame him for being unwilling to im just. Everyone hates me and if they don’t have a reason to .

I just wanna be able to talk to my friends and be happy

Look at me oooh I’m so edgy I sound fucking stupid I’ll just delete this later

I had literal heartache writing this I’m fucking over this I can’t. I . Ugh. I’m crying or at least trying to quietly bc the fucking roommate is in the other side of room

[reilleclan-blog]

I liked this shot even though it was a bit dark

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Below is a detailed adhd filled description of my morning. Yes I "yap" ie I fucking talk cause this is my fucking blog if that bothers u kindly scroll, ty. Also I heavily hate the term "yapping" if u say that to someone cause they are talking about something they are passionate about , fuck u. I have anxiety just thinking I annoy anyone I interact with and now u tell me I'm "yapping" when u didn't even have to interact at all

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So I work part time helping senior citizens, not to taxing work but it is when I'm mentally ill, have ptsd and just self diagnosed adhd-autistic so I have a hard time being positive and/or wanting to work when I'm physically exhausted. Either way I went to work(oh yeah I stayed up super late cause I couldn't fall asleep) I have a headache but I'm like "we usually chill so today SHOULD BE FINE" even though, I don't ever really relax cause this isn't my house but working has been a decent escape. And we usually watch movies after I've thrown out garbage and washed dishes. And there was a movie from Friday that we hadn't finished but I didn't really care for finishing it so I decided to put in a comedy "parks and rec" this man is still getting dressed so I'm watching the show. He comes out of his room just walking around, turning off lights, going in and out of his room, and even opening the front door all b/c he didn't want to watch the show I put on.

And to be frank I don't think I would've cared if he had already said he wanted to watch something, I usually change my mind but.. anyways he passive aggressively takes a movie and puts it next to my movie case. Then continues to walk around this small ass apartment like a weirdo(omg it's his apartment) it's just weird we usually watch the show together but he didn't want to watch my show so bad that he'd rather give himself random ass "tasks" until I asked is he "expecting someone" then like a child he goes "I DONT WANNA WATCH THISSSSS" and I felt hella offended b/c he's the same man saying it's ok to watch what I wanted... so I'm just like ok..... so what. Then he says "I thought u were gonna put the other movie on.." as if I can't change my mind.. like this is genuinely why I don't really trust men relatively ever. This man is sounding like a whole little kid cause something he could watch at whatever time whenever wasn't playing.

And honestly he starts walking around the apartment again b/c for the life of him he can't bother to try and watch a show I brought. I was just like do u want me to leave b/c he's genuinely doing the fucking most and I didn't have time to get into a petty argument on a fucking Monday about a movie when I stay there for like 2 fucking hours. Like ur doing wayyyy too much sir. Anyways I just left early b/c that genuinely creeped me out and it was way too early for this petty ass baby shit... GENUINELY wtf is wrong with ppl.. like he takes a ton of meds so I didn't want to be "rude" about his certain "behaviors" but like that was just so weird. And it's not the first time he's done weird ass shit. But that was the time he really was rude... anyways yeah. I feel like if I explained this to a friend over the phone they would laugh and be like what the fuck is wrong with him.. yeah that was my morning and getting to his place I have to take a bus then walk like 10 blocks💀(on a bus full of ppl not masking and a guy cat called me when I was walking to my JOB) so I mean I still get my hours but wtf ..

[ask-the-shorty-squad]

MR. APRON MEOW?!

Teruteru. Are you alright?

*Monaca Explains.*

B-But...Killing yourself will Only make matters worse woof...

....I-I dont want you to go...please woof...

P-Please...dont...go...meow...

"Bang"

*Gin falls to the floor.*

G-Gin!! Are you alright??

Set. The. Soul. Free.

Set. My. Soul. Free.

Gin. Please Cease this Non-Sense. Were trying to Convince Teruteru To live.

*Kai walks Over to Gin.*

S-STAY AWAY FROM ME!!! HE'S RIGHT!! DEATH IS OUR ONLY OPTION NOW!! KILL ME!!! KILLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

*Gin Stands there, Angry tears rolling down his Face. Why do so many people wanna die...*

WHAT THE HELL?!?!? DEATH SHOULD NOT BE AN OPTION IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!

MISS. NANAMI I'M SORRY FOR BEING RUDE TO YOU BUT WE COULD REALLY USE YOUR HELP AND KNOWLEGDE CAUSE THIS SEEM TO BE WHATEVER THE WHOLE RADICAL-6 THING YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!

[winking]

just had an awkward experience 😬

[oswednesday]

Weds since you're in Pokémon mode rn I wanna see your Legends Arceus opinions if you have any, it's personally the most fun I've ever had with a pokemon game so far I love being a pokemon biologist

omg i have not played it yet! i hope they carry any fun like full sim stuff over to the new region, and okay i really like the mythos lore and stuff of d/p, if it Had been the actual last pkmn that would have been alright i feel like that or b/w like how people thought back then and sometimes it does feel like that had been the intent but x/y is so charming despite a lot of things and sun and moon is like top slot number one pkmn game, but d/p its so like deep futuristic and strange, and im glad that carried over to legends, im also a big fan of like time travel theories right along with like war stuff so like, also legends and stuff like it often are my fave things about pkmn like nonmain series stuff ends up being so cool, like i miss stuff like sevvi islands or like the just overload of strange stuff in emerald or like the shadow series

but i think its rather problematic to take pokemon from other regions and connect them to like to this and like others who are affected by this in a day to day way have said its really freaking weird to make a game be like teehee my pocket monsters [colonizing of an inhabited land in the background] like, pokemon games have avoided this in the past by making stuff seem like scifi futuristic alt space so this past thing in the way theyre doing it is really like,i think in poor tastes

cause like past games were designed like with draw Hard Line this pokemon is from this region, even if they appear from another region its as import, invasive, or like an expanded territory, where further away regions were given no like interconnectivity like why would rowlet be there, implying thats like the Truer form like its really,,hm, tasteless, given like japan's history with hawaii,, and like rude, a lot of design work recently has felt that that to me like, mean spirited

like here's all this work and effort previous teams put in to make this world feel a certain way, like rules the setting has, designs meant to exist in a certain space and feel a certain way, well now we're going to use it this way, do as little work on it as possible, to make fat stacks of cash, overall i find design work is uggo to me, i know its a by product of how the staff is like separated from each other (like you can design a creature and have no say in its name or what it does in the game or even its final color palette,,,,insane) and how much crunch it is but it has a really strong vibe of like being made to cater to like a casual western player in a way that feels hard to arctiulate like when you're in a shop and there's stuff for tourists willing to spend 30 dollars or so on something that Looks like its from there

but from the fan art im filter feeding off the dash the writing looks like it takes it so some pretty cool places! not fully related, but i dont think id mind it if they did these like mini games to support legendary lore! like i do mind that theyre 60 dollars each, but if each legendary came with a free or like 10 dollarish or 30 dollarish (being realistic =_=) dlc event thing that would be really cool! one of my All time fave things about d/p is like invsa wall hacking it and walking off into the void to see the legendaries chilling, and its all extremely cluttered in the main game but imagine like a two hour or so fully written add on getting to explore them, they just try to do soo much in the main games it ends up thinning them out too much, id rather like smaller story with a more robust simulator with story added overtime

[mvalentine]

it is my post-reblog duty to pop in and ask.. Have you seen all of Bridgerton s2? Have you read the books???? I MUST Know your thoughts!! (or thots, both work 😆)

dom omg omg HIIII!!!

okay so first of all i havent read the books hdjjss i had no idea they existed before s1 came out on netflix lol. and okay for s2 i literally only have the finale left to watch which ill watch tmr after i get my test out of the way :(( but i literally watched all 7 episodes in one day yesterday so that should give you an indication as to how much i LOVED it 🥴

okay putting the rest of my thoughts under read more cause i have WAY too many:

okay first of all THOTS- anthony bridgerton is SO fine. SO SO fine. that SCENE with him falling in the lake and coming out with the see through shirt i think i almost passed away...... literally dick me down sir.

MORE THOTS- kate sharma is SO fine. SO SO fine. every single fuckin scene with her is INSANE i cannot stop staring at her face it is literally so angular and pointy and pretty and her EYES omfggggg i am in love with both of them what a great day to be bisexual!

okay now onto THOUGHTS dhjsjsjs first of all stating the obvious-- kate and anthony's chemistry>>>>>>> omfg it is acc insane how good their chemistry is i stg they both deserve ALL the awards?!?? i loved ALL their scenes from their rivalry scenes with them acting like kids at the horse race and her shutting the door in his face the first day edwina had to meet her suitors hdjsjs. and then that GODDAMN bee scene- anthony freaking out over the bee and getting ptsd flashbacks i wanted to reach across the scene and give him a hug 🥺🥺🥺

also ANTHONY's CHARACTER development compared to season 1??? i literally loathed that man is season 1 and now he's literally my fav character like hes so grey like yes he's still a dick and rigid and stubborn but like i can understand why?? like his backstory is SOO tragic and the man's just trying his best and he deserves nothing BUT the best

okay okay now this is getting long so imma just sum up all my other opinions a la rapidfire: need more simon, loved lady danbury as always she forever remains a bad b, the whole sharma family is STUNNING, loved that they payed homage to the indian culture, kinda eh about edwina so far up until e7 like yes kate hurt her but i feel like shes a bit too harsh and her emphasizing 'half-sister' made me so upset, theo is SO cute i wanna squish his cheeks, i LOVE benedict with my whole heart and soul, marina was unnecessarily rude dont like her much, GOD i cannot wait for the fallout between pen & eloise, the featherington was weird and unnecessary and the whole cousin daughter mother love triangle dynamic was WEIRD, love the classical renditions of pop songs oh and yeah-- KANTHONY>>>>>>

[tigerdrop]

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

[bloomyn]

hi love~ i can’t remember if i resubmitted the rui request but I’ll do it again! i would really like a scenario of a human reader running into rui again, (they were best friends when he was human). what his reaction would be, whether he would add her into the family or make her his lover, whether he would turn her into a demon, etc! maybe a little bit of what their relationship would be like (fluffy) 🥺💞🥰 ty! sorry if i resubmitted alr I just wanted to b sure 🥺🥰

a/n: ngl rui made me sad, like not him, just poor baby deserved better

you didn’t know how you ended up here. your lungs were dying and you were pretty sure your legs had fallen off miles back. looking around all you could see were trees for miles. 

fuck. where were you? all you could remember was running, running and running and running from something. something not human that was for sure. 

“oh whats this.” a voice drawled behind you, “i know you’ll be fun to eat, the look of despair it going to make you so much more delicious.”

your muscles tensed, oh god this was the end wasn’t it. you were going to die alone in the middle of a forest and no one would even know. your lips were trembling now, and you could feel a familiar ache in your jaw. footsteps pattered behind you, and spoke; this time the voice seemed softer, almost familiar.

“im surprised she was able to last this long, you’re getting slow brother.”

and then it clicked.

“rui-chan im back!” you announced, yanking the door to his room open. he scowled rolling away from you. 

“go away.” he grumbled, “i dont want you here.”

ignoring his words you took a seat next to his laying body. gently, you pushed a piece of his dark hair out of his face. “rui-chans so pretty!” you thought to yourself, “although it would be a bit nicer if he stopped frowning so much.”

rui narrowed his eyes, “ i know you’re talking about me in your head.”

blushing, turned away. “no i wasn’t.”

“definitely were.”

“ i was thinking about how i brought some of my moms mochi but since my best friend is being too stubborn i guess i wont sh-”

immediately rui shot up, his eyes searching for the mochi box.

“well don’t be rude.”

he extended his arm, his eyes flickering between his hand and you.

“you should say please.”

“fine. please.”

“please what.”

he groaned. “stop being difficult.”

hiding a grin you tilted your head back. “i just have manners.”

“fine. may i please have some mochi please.”

you beamed. 

“of course! all you had to do was ask!”

your friend rolled his eyes and dipped his hand in the box you had pulled out of your kimono.

“you’re absolutely impossible you know that. i don’t even know why i bother.”

you laughed, your eyes squinting into crescents, “its cause you looooove me rui-channie.”

if you had even bothered to open your eyes a second sooner you would’ve seen the healthy red flush across his face. 

and then a hand was on your shoulder, turning you around. the figure in front of you pulled a face.

“huh? open your eyes? i wanna see your face.”

you shook your head, not saying a word. there was no way it was rui no way. he was dead. his mom and his dad were both dead, and they never found his body he had to be--

you screamed, something was around your neck oh god you were going ot be strangled to death.

“if you don’t open your eyes i’ll make your death much more painful than it has to be.” rui, no, the voice said flatly. you squeezed your eyes tighter. “well then, any last words i suppose?”

then the first tear dropped

“i’m sorry i couldn’t save you rui-chan.”

and the world went quiet. the figure stepped closer, his hand curling around your wrist. 

“open your eyes. please.”

slowly your eyes fluttered open and you were standing face to face with your thought to be dead best friend.

“y/n? oh god!” he took a step back, shaking. here you were, his best friend, his crush, possibly the love of his life, he thought you were dead. you crumpled in front of him and he rushed to your side. 

“i though you died!” you half yelled, “they found your parents i thought you died! how could-how could you leave me like that? you didn’t even say goodbye!”

rui thought you were going to be angrier, rui thought once you’d seen his face, what he had become, you would run away, run away and forget but instead--

you wrapped your arms around the boy, burying your face into his neck.

“you should’ve told me!”

and for the first time in years rui genuinely smiled. 

“i thought you’d hate me, i’m-i’m this now i-”

you wanted to tell him that it didn’t matter. that everyday since he had left there had been nothing on your mind except for him. he was still rui, there was no denying that. even if he felt unloved or fake, you would always be there for him.

“you’re still my best friend you idiot. so what? i still love you.”

the boy froze and you panicked. maybe this wasn’t the right time to tell your long lost best friend that you had been in love with him for years.

“you love me? for real?”

“uh. yeah.” you laughed, “for real.”

he looked down at you and you could see the tears in his eyes forming.

“like a-like a lover? you love me like that?”

gently you took his hands into your face, “i think ive been loving you like that.”

--------

rui gripped your hand tight.

“rui--”

“are you okay? does it still hurt? oh god i shouldn’t have made you-”

you swooped in with a peck on his cheek.

“if it means being able to spend more time with you, then i absolutely regret nothing.”

he blushed, wordlessly pulling you into his chest and giving you a peck on the forehead. 

“i think it suits you.”

“oh yeah?” you hummed. he nodded shyly, stil admiring your new look. you pushed the two mats together and layed a blanket on top of them.

grinning, you patted the blanket.

“i’m back rui-chan.”

“i’m glad you’re here.”

----

a/n: this is called monae doesn’t know how to end fics aahahhaha. might have to do some hcs because this relationship so cute?? i hope i captured his character correctly and it wan’t too ooc. but hcs? may b?

[sovawife]

rlly nice 2 think of like fugo helpin me take a bath or whatever cause sometimes i have like. rlly bad motivation to take a shower. its just nice to think of him like easing me into it and helping me with self care esp on days where i dont rlly wanna do anything. plus he wouldn't b rude abt it like my mom :/

[cosmos-fudge]

so this might turn into part ask blog thing soo info (drawings of characters when drawing tablet works again)

long post

i have a lot of characters so ima start with my main ones rn (i also haven't made all the characters yet :b) fantasy series (that i haven't started work on it will be a comic/animation series) Teo (tea-o) height: 5,7 pronouns: he/they (mostly he/him) gender: male sexuality: asexual & aromantic age: 20 birthday: March 27th extra info: "talks like this," archer, the eldest of the trio, wears a mask & covers half of his face with hair cause scarring, quiet, kinda rude, doesn't like of getting touched, likes cats, dark fluffy hair, knows when they need to be kind/caring, will shoot you, protects people he cares about, shortest in the group, Keiron (key-ron) height: 5,9 pronouns: he/him gender: trans man sexuality: bisexual age: 16 birthday: October 28th extra info: "talks like this," main character, trans man, ex-royalty (used to be a prince), kinda dumb, sweet, impulsive, get way to in the moment (jumped off a cliff once because of that), learning to use a bow, uses a sword, has a sibling type rivalry with al Allie/Al (al-E) height: 5:8 pronouns: she/they gender: fem nonbinary sexuality: pansexual, poly age: 17 birthday: June 15th extra info: "talks like this," uses a sword, missing left eye so they wear an eyepatch, runs fast, hyper, "FIGHT ME!!" also impulsive but "I HAVE FUCKING IMPULSE CONTROL KEIRON!!" "*distant* FUCK YOU!!", has a sibling type rivalry with Keiron (they aren't related tho), still sweet but in a mean ish way personality's (do not have DID or anything like it, its just parts of my personality into characters, I have 3 so far) Mike height: 6,3 pronouns: he/him gender: cis male sexuality: bisexual (likes men more tho) age: 25-27 birthday: October 31st (they don't have actual bdays so they choose them) extra info: "talks like this"❤, prick, over confident (but still hates himself), I bring him out when I'm scared cause he is that over confident strong masculine feeling that gets rid of most of my fear, don't touch him or his friends. protecc. Nico height: 6 ft pronouns: they/she/he gender: genderqueer sexuality: somewhere around pansexual & bisexual age: 19-23 birthday: February 14th extra info: "talks like this"🌷, super impulsive, the most impulsive & loud, my super hyper & easily excitable side, WILL chug 8 monsters, extrovert, extrovert who adopts introverts, "I WILL FIGHT YOU IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT HURTING MY CHILD-"🌷 fuck around & find out, don't touch her or anything weirdly if you do you will be lucky to escape him with broken bones. "I'm here what do ya need?"🌷 protecc & attacc, Ann height: 4,9 pronouns: doesnt really go by anything but fine with they/them gender: doesn't have one sexuality: aromantic & asexual age: doesnt really have one birthday: April 13th extra info: "talks like this", shy, quiet, that feeling of random intense fear & sadness i get, wont talk much, doesnt like being put on the spot, gets overwhelmed easily, be nice >:(, "c-can you please leave me alone? I don't wanna talk right now.." likes cats & plushies, HATES/TERRIFIED of being touched, Neo height: 5,8 pronouns: he/they/it gender: doesnt have one sexuality: doesnt label themself as anything but will date anyone as long as they arent a prick, kinda asexual age: 21-23 birthday: december 23 extra info: "talks like this"🔋, newest one, not to hyper but doesnt really get tired, the least angry/doesnt get as angry as the others do, plushies :), dont know much about it yet, hasnt been to be dragged into the FNF fandom, yet. the key word there is YET! and finally, mod info! height: 5,2 for now pronouns: they/them he/they gender: Agender sexuality: Pansexual age: Minor birthday: Dec 22nd extra info: "talks like this" can kinda draw & animate,, i never stop talking, dumb, rat bastard, goblin, swear to much, will kill someone for you, "I'm here what do ya need?" ✨useless✨, gets obsessed with things easily, rn its FNF, getting back into UNDERTALE, Minecraft, dsmp(haven't watched it yet cause I'm waiting for things to get better again), TBHK.

simping for my best friend, major sweet tooth, vent a lot, overshare, discord & discord server Whitty#3120 https://discord.gg/S35THKzYXS , stabby stabby :), *dumbass mode activate* REEEEE, e,