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inkskinned · 10 months

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in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!

they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.

they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.

you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.

but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.

where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.

and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?

doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.

but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.

what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.

just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?

your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.

#spilled ink #warm up #writeblr #this is about someone specific but feel free to blorbo on main.#tbh this is familial for me so that is an element but it's also about childhood best friends #and probably about ur enemies to lovers blorbo #(but i want to specifically say if ur partner is like this. not necessarily a good partnership lol.)#(the dynamics at play in familial/friend relationships feel equally important and in some ways are HARDER to escape.#bc we can see that this is a potentially toxic romantic foundation.#but in family ? ...... it's toxic and it doesn't stop u from loving them. bc u always have.#and i think that makes it harder. by a lot. which is what this is referencing).#but genuinely and really truly forever feel free to tag ur potentially toxic enemies to lovers on this and all my poetry #here i'll do one for u - adora & catra :x

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otakubimbo · 2 months

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.The Rabbit and The Wolf

Bad date and confessions

You’re still trying to get your not a date but a date with Iruka out of your head when you get some information that sends you into a spiral.

MDNI. MATURE CONTENT.

Ch 1 2 3 4 5

master list

OBN: okay so i realized that i uploaded chapter 4 twice so here's chp 5, it's a lil shorter than the regular chapters cause i cut the original into 2. hehe. mwah!

All night long Kakashi’s face plagued your dreams, tossing and turning with the thoughts of him. As you awake, if you could even call it that since you didn’t even sleep, you realize you’re covered in sweat and your bonnet has escaped you in the night.

“Fuck” You groan attempting to pull yourself from the entrapment of your sheets. It was a long day before it even began, dragging yourself to the bathroom to get a good look at yourself. Yeah, you looked exactly like how you felt. Like shit. Hopefully, a shower will fix you up a bit; the steaming hot water should put some life back into you.

After your shower, you hadn’t even realized that you were already running behind, you would have to go visit your sister after training or you would be late. Barley putting yourself together, you hurry to the training grounds, but you are still late to your standards especially since Sasuke was already there.

“You look terrible” He comments, noticing you as you walk up.

“Thanks, didn’t notice.” You say pushing your palm into his forehead for his rudeness.

“Must have been one hell of a date.”

You groan with an exaggerated roll of your eyes telling him to watch his mouth, “It wasn’t a date Sasu, first of all. Second, where is your respect for your sensei and her personal life?”

“I’ve known you for too long for that to matter,” he says casually which makes you roll your eyes even harder as you give your body the stretch that he needed. Unfortunately, he was right, he was like a little brother to you, and just like a little brother, he was annoying.

“Are you seeing him again?” His question throws you off guard. He wasn’t one to usually ask these kinds of questions.

“Well, well, well, aren’t you nosy today? I mean, Yeah, we are friends. We will see each other when ya know we all hang or whatever.” You respond with a shrug of your shoulders.

“So, it didn’t go well.” He comments chuckling to himself. You flick him right in the forehead this time.

“Please stop” You groan putting your face into your hands. The last thing you wanted was more reminders of last night.

Eventually, the rest of the team shows up, well besides Kakashi of course, and they immediately both start pestering you about last night. The vein in your head would explode at any moment if they wouldn’t stop bothering you about it, so you made them a deal. If they could land a hit on you before Kakashi showed up, you would tell them about your night. You assumed it was going to be easy, except the training that you had been putting them through was having them show actual improvements. There were movements that you could feel they may have to take them with some type of seriousness.

“Well better luck next time, kids” You chuckle taking a place beside Kakashi as soon as he decides to arrive, “Took you long enough.” You elbow him in his side.

“I was actually late for a reason today. We have a mission.” He states holding up a scroll in his hand. “We just must deliver this, simple enough. But there is a festival happening in the village we are going to so I thought it would be nice. A reward for all the hard work.”

Naruto and Sakura celebrate, of course, while you look at the man confused. You place your hand on the side of his face to check for warmth.

“You sick? Who are you and what have you done with Kakashi?” You question as you’re still trying to gauge his temperature. He swats your hand away. You have never known this man to do anything easy.

“Yes, I’m fine. There's nothing wrong with taking things easy for once.” He remarks casually.

“Hmmn, well y’all have fun with that.”

“Oh. You’re coming on this mission too.”

“Me?” You question and you can see him smirking under his mask.

“Yes, you.” He responds, bringing even more joy out of Naruto. “We can discuss the details of the mission. Everyone else go get ready, it’ll be a three-day trip.” He dismisses the kids, and you stand there knowing that there must be something else going on for you to also have to go.

“So, what’s the actual mission?” You ask him once the kids leave.

“Your favorite, a little recon, a little stealing intel.”

A huge grin spreads across your face. These were your favorite missions, and they were always your favorite with Kakashi because there would always end up being some type of bet involved between the two of you.

“Oh, this is going to be fun. Just like old times. I knew you weren’t getting soft on me” You playfully pushed him.

“There really is a festival and I do want the kids to enjoy themselves, that wasn’t a lie.”

“Awh you are getting soft on me in your old age.” You laugh at him while he just rolls his eye, and you stick your tongue back out at him in return. You were really excited for this. Back to what you were good at, what you loved. Maybe get to fight a bit, hopefully. You haven’t gotten your hands dirty in so long.

The two of you go your separate ways and you head to see your sister since you didn’t get to see her that morning.

The first thing out of her mouth when she sees you is about your ‘NOT’ date, which makes you immediately groan before you fill her in on everything that happened. By the time you were done, your sister was laughing her ass off at the whole ordeal.

“It’s honestly not that funny.” You grumble crossing your arms. Your sister was laughing so hard it was bringing tears to her eyes, which she wiped away before settling down.

“It actually is considering you didn’t view it as a date at all and then he had such confidence to kiss you. It’s hilarious.”

At the very least, you were glad to bring a smile to her face even if it was at your expense. She was looking better and healthier, she even was feeling better according to her. Maybe she would be able to leave soon, you hoped.

“Anyways,” You start, making her lay back down “I actually have a mission to go on tomorrow with Team 7.”

“They’re sending those kids on such a dangerous mission it requires you to go?” She questions, a bit concerned.

“Nah, it's mainly a mission for me and Kakashi, they’re just coming with us because the old softy wants them to go to this festival.”

“Awh, he really is a sweet man” She compliments, and you snort.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. It should be a fun easy mission though.”

“Good, I know you're ready to get back out instead of babysitting your big sister.”

“Don’t be silly, you always come before anything. You and me.” Your hand reaches out to hers, grasping her small fingers gently.

“You and me” She repeats back to you, using her other hand to pat yours, “I know.” Her smile is soft and gentle.

The two of you talked casually after that, about random things and whatnot until you had to leave. As you leave the hospital, you run into Kakashi.

“How’s she doing?” He asks as a greeting.

A smile sets on your features, your eyes softening with the thought of her “She’s doing really good actually, a lot better. I really think she could make it through this. Ya know, unlike our mom.” The smile on your face, wavering a bit.

“Well, she’s strong like you so I know she’ll be fine,” he says attempting to calm your thoughts, it’s as if he can hear the worried voice in the back of your head.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” You say, pausing to look at him, realizing you had never thanked him for looking after your sister while you were away. “Uhm, thanks by the way.”

He looked down at you confused, “For what?”

“Ya know, checking on my sister and everything while I was off on all those missions.” You say avoiding his gaze.

“Of course, the both of you mean a lot to me, “he says so casually as if that didn’t make you stop breathing for a second.

‘The both of you’.

If you meant so much to him, why did he leave you alone after your night together and then immediately avoid you? If you were going on this mission with him, you would have to ask him. It had been hanging in your thoughts for too long.

“Thanks anyways. Can we walk and talk?” You ask nervously, not knowing how you would be able to approach this.

“Uh, sure.” He says and you immediately turn and start walking in the direction of your house feet moving automatically. “What did you want to talk about?” Your behavior was confusing him because you’re not one to act so nervous, hands fumbling with a shruniken with your lips pursed in thought.

“I was just thinking” You start not knowing where to really go with the conversation. He can tell there is really something on your mind so he’s patient and allows you to get your thoughts together.

“Ya know this is our first mission together since before my sister's wedding.”

“It is” he commented, assuming where this conversation was going. He just thought you were going to let it go by the way you had been acting previously.

“And then my sister's wedding happened.” You continue, even though you brought up the topic it was as if you were avoiding the main point.

“it did” His gaze follows down to your face as you steel your nerves to proceed.

“And then what happened after.”

“And then what happened after.” He repeated back to you, making you stop in your tracks to face him. You finally look up to meet his gaze on you. His expression is unreadable, but you knew you had to continue regardless of your hesitations. What were you supposed to be afraid of?

“Why did you leave and then disappear on me?” You ask, looking him dead in the face hoping your voice sounded stronger than you felt. There was a long silence between the two of you. His face is still unreadable, and you hoped he couldn’t see the small panic you were feeling. Luckily for you, your expression was as unreadable as his to him. Eventually, he’s the first one to break eye contact with a sigh.

“Because afterward, I realized I was in love with my best friend,” he confessed, lifting his head back up to hold your gaze once again.

It felt like your brain stopped working for a second. The gears in your head are completely unmoving.

“I’m sorry. What?” You ask, as your brain finally comes back online.

“I said,” He took a step forward, taking your face into his hand. The rough pads of his fingers move along your cheek. “That night I realized I was in love with you. That I had been in love with you for so long. And that terrified me because I didn’t want to lose you.”

You just stare up at him, eyes big as saucers blinking.

“You were in love with me?” You ask barely above a whisper. This was not what you expected.

“I am in love with you.” He corrected. ‘Am’ present tense.

taglist: @smarsd

#kakashi x you #kakashi x reader #kakashi smut #kakashi fanfiction #kakashi sensei #kakashi hatake #team 7 naruto #naruto fanfiction #naruto #childhood best friends to lovers #friends to lovers #friends to enemies #friends to enenmies to lovers #misunderstandings

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