#chronic cannot shut up disease

[vanmols]

‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎CHERRY  ,  as from melissa febos, "i know the impossibility of the hickey, whose urge is not ultimately to mark or be marked, but to possess and be possessed. ( ... ) all i can do is leave a mark —  the notation of my effort, a symbol for the thing. that is the endless pleasure and frustration of the writer and the lover: to reach and reach and never become."

‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎CERISE VAN MOL  ,  the libertine ( a person who behaves without moral principles or a sense of responsibility, especially in sexual matters )  ,  as loved by sera ( she / her ).  pinterest + application.    TRIGGER WARNINGS PRESENT﹕ neglectful parenthood, slut shaming, mild sexual themes, more tba.

PART ONE  [ DOSSIER ]  ﹕

﹡  FULL NAME  . cerise van mol ﹡  NICKNAME(S) / ALIAS(ES) / TITLE(S)  . cherry ﹡  PREFERRED NAME  . cherry, as she is not french ﹡  AGE + DOB  . twenty - five + mar. 3 ﹡  GENDER + PRONOUNS  . cis woman, she + her ﹡  ORIENTATION  . bisexual ﹡  BIRTHPLACE  . hitheside ﹡  CURRENT LOCATION  . hitheside

﹡  LABEL  . the libertine, see﹕ a plethora of stereotypical issues, abandonment left to fester and grow / girl learns the word slut when she's too young and lets the word follow her into womanhood. ﹡  OCCUPATION  . romance advice columnist ( in a paper that nearly nobody reads —  she's starting to suspect that it's the same person writing in every other week ) ﹡  TROPES  . spirited young woman, vanity is feminine, parental abandonment, hates being alone, raised by grandparents, street smart, i need a freaking drink, my girl is a slut, madonna - whore complex, embodiment of vice. ﹡  INFLUENCES  . holly golightly ( breakfast at tiffany's ), satine ( moulin rouge ), helen of troy ( the iliad ), daisy buchanan ( the great gatsby ), anna karenina ( anna karenina ), meredith dardenne ( if we were villains )

﹡  EYES  . doe - shaped, bigger than small, easy blue, sometimes green. ﹡  HAIR  . longer in length, often second day curls —  honey blonde, lighter in the summer and swept up most in the winter. ﹡  HEIGHT  . five feet, seven inches ( 170cm ) ﹡  FACECLAIM  . casimere jollette

﹡  DOMINANT HAND  . left ﹡  JUNG TYPE  . esfp —  the entertainer ( friendly, outgoing, and supportive ) ﹡  ENNEAGRAM  . type 3w2 — the enchanter ( ambitious, charming, and enthusiastic ) ﹡  MORAL ALIGNMENT  . chaotic neutral

PART TWO  [ HISTORY ]  ﹕

you must be well - traveled, says the body in her room, looking at the collection of postcards on her cork board. it's overflowing, too many to count, to make sense of. cherry lights her cigarette, still in bed and scoffs,  you receive postcards, you know, you don't collect them.  they turn around and give her a half - hearted smile. they say, oh, right. sure, sorry.

mum calls when she needs something, which means that grammy's teal phone is ringing while cherry's blowing out her candles, but mum needs something ( which always means that she comes first —  she's grammy and grandpop's first child, and cherry's nothing but the leftover ). this is how it goes: grammy answers the phone while grandpop goes to get a knife to cut the cake, cherry climbs onto the lap of the friend closest to her and hugs them until she no longer feels like crying. when grandpop comes back, he tells them —  a group of pre - teens, too many to count but not enough to be a party party —  that grammy went to the bank. mum's stranded in south africa, cherry, grammy will be right back. cherry says,  yeah, alright,  and hands cake to her friends.

the first time cherry is called a slut is when she's twelve years old. one of her friends gave her some cherry lipgloss and they giggled over it while she applied it —  i'm cherry and i'm wearing cherry lipgloss!   she kisses a boy after school on the way home — er, well, he kisses her, but she enjoyed it. it was fine for a first kiss, except he held her shoulders a bit too tight and looked like he was going to throw up on her ( new ) shoes when he pulled away. oh, right, and his friend has a crush on her and cherry should have known, that's what mum says, anyway, and grammy. she smiled at him and he gave her his extra snacks and duh, everyone could see it. when he finds out that she kissed his friend ( that's what he says, and nobody believes her when she swears he kissed her first ), he calls her a slut and she cries for three days.

what do you want to be when you grow up? the teacher looks smug, like her lesson plan is going to change the lives of her students. cherry sits in the back with a lollipop in her mouth —  grammy thinks it's lewd, but cherry's fifteen, and grandpop chides grammy for thinking such a thing. she raises her hand and when called upon, answers,  i want to be better.  and the class snickers, and the teacher's smug look drops in understanding, and she nods once before moving on.

right, so, mum never comes home anymore and grammy keeps taking cherry to church. there's this woman on the congregation, her name is mary elizabeth ( cherry thinks, she really can't remember because she and her friends call the woman 'haircut', because her haircut is atrocious ) who thinks they're cursed —  she's told nearly everyone; one daughter who's gone doing who knows what, one granddaughter who's doing unspeakable things at the pier. it makes cherry laugh. the only unspeakable thing she's doing at the pier is stealing the novelty lollipops, but they see a pretty girl named cherry ( thanks, mum ) and assume the sin must be lusty. cherry goes to church because she still wants grammy's car when she gets her license.

her date has waited until the very end of it to tell her that they think she's ... troubled. they're one of those philosophical types, oxford bound, glasses at the end of their nose, holier than thou —  they say she's too angry, that she's using sex to deflect from what's hurting her. she's a flight risk, they say, and they hope she figures it out one day. cherry stares at them from the passenger seat. their breath still smells like her lipgloss, their skin is shining from sweat accumulated in the backseat. she blinks and gives them a smile, leaning over to kiss their cheek with a laugh. she says,  sure, stud. call me when you're back in town,  and when their semester ends, her phone lights up and cherry, with friends who have heard all about it, doesn't recognize the number.

are you angrier or happier? cherry looks up at her questioner. her stomach hurts from laughing, but her chest is empty. no lungs, no heart, nothing but rib - meat and mold. she purses her lips and answers,  i'm okay.  and she must be, she's among friends and lovers. cherry gets up and wipes herself off.  another bed to conquer,  she reports when gathering her stuff from the booth.  wish me luck, i'll call you all tomorrow.

PART THREE  [ SUMMARY & TRIVIA ]  ﹕

the summary ( of both the google doc & the above ) is this: mum who didn't want a daughter dumps cherry with her grandparents, cherry grows up unloved and unwanted, she finds solace with her friends, but also through promiscuous activities that she learns to embrace while going through girlhood.

is, generally, a natural flirt. i imagine that her friends are aware that it's mostly a front ( cherry is very deeply angry and hurt and she truly cannot and will not! get over it ). if she had a better upbringing, i imagine that she'd still be flirty, but in a much more happy - go - lucky way. cherry rn is if you were flirting but you were depressed about it ( manic pixie dream girl to the tourists, catnip to the 'i can fix her' crowds, she thinks it's funny )

written in the google doc, but something i want to incorporate here, too, is that she has a strenuous relationship with her grandparents ( specifically her grammy, smthn, smthn, mother / daughter / granddaughter / mirrors of each other, smthn, smthn ), but her grandparents love her friends. probably always willing to host them and loves them down and likely treat them better than they treat cherry —  but no worries because cherry really is a problem child and she knows it.

takes her job very seriously —  maybe, too seriously —  as a romance advice columnist. unfortunately, she works for a print newspaper that has very little readers so she probably makes the gang buy it / write in / read her stuff.

wannabe dark academic, wants to be an academic so badly but is only high school educated. too poor to afford uni but also —  smart, but not smart enough to get any scholarships, so forwent uni altogether and stayed in hitheside ( i wrote in her app that she, essentially, has average-pretty-girl-shackled-to-hometown syndrome and that's the best way i can describe her )

all she wants is to not be her mother <3 OR her grandmother <3 and the best way to do that is to be a slut ( honorific )!

PART FIVE  [ TIES & RELATIONSHIPS ]  ﹕

wanted connections include: the #Girlies, former enemies / did not get along but now they're as thick as thieves, i could fix them but tbh whatever wrong with them seems funnier, daily clown convention, it's rotten work [ to take care of me ] / not to me it isn't, i want to bite you ( positive ), alternatively i want to bite you ( negative ).

thank u sm for reading ( im so sorry ) my rambling, i'm so so excited to plot with you all and write and be so happy about our babies!!

song credit ( cinnamon girl by lana del ray, empty arena edit ) goes here!

[mrparable]

rewriting an ocs lore is like your own personal theseus's ship

[mellohirust]

oh the video essays id go on to create if it weren't for my vocal dysphoria

[lightningbig]

rocks rattling around in my brain that make me insane. no words tho

[gayassdbz]

Fully going batshit about death note/lawlight rn and I feel like I'm gonna explode if I don't talk about it with someone but I don't wanna be annoying 😭😭😭😭😭

[ariaste]

If you could sit the vampire polycule/diabolicule down in a row on a sofa to watch one (1) movie with the intent of causing the maximum amount of psychic damage and/or drama, what movie would you pick for them? I'll go first: Moulin Rouge. Hear me out.

Louis is upset because he's a pretentious snob (affectionate) when it comes to Art and he's complaining that it's just a ripoff of the opera La Traviata. He's correct but he doesn't need to say it, he is allergic to camp and he's harshing everyone's vibes with his barely-under-his-breath scoffing.

Daniel is ruefully identifying way too heavily with Ewan McGregor's character. Daniel is sitting here with his mouth firmly shut like, "Nobody call me out for being exactly Like That when I was 20, nobody look at me, nobody read my mind, nobody make eye contact with me, god this is cringe. Look, he's even got the drug use going on." (This is show!canon that we're talking about so thankfully Daniel doesn't have to also cope with the "AND he's embarrassingly into a hot redheaded theater nerd, god just kill me now, nobody Perceive me please" vector of embarrassment). Daniel is also not having a good time with the creepy older men skeeving on this theater nerd sex worker once he thinks the words "Hm, Marius vibes"

Daniel and Louis also feeling kind of mutually overstimulated from how their heightened vampire super-senses are reacting to all of the Colors and Flashing Lights and Whippy Camera Movements etc. They have matching headaches and are feeling slightly nauseated.

Everyone is feeling some degree of slightly triggered, emotionally, about either Paris In General (Daniel), or Niche-Theater Life In Paris (Armand, Louis, Lestat). Big mixed feelings also about tuberculosis, a disease that makes people cough up blood.

Armand and Lestat are profoundly NOT allergic to camp, unlike some people on this wretched sofa. Armand and Lestat cannot be overstimulated by Colors/Flashing Lights/Whippy Camera Movements/etc, bc their vampire neurodivergence goes in the opposite direction. They have not blinked or moved in 90 minutes except to breathlessly clutch each other's hands. Lestat is muttering feverishly under his breath like "armand. armand. armand. is it maybe time for us to found another theater together, do you think???? armand??? what if we just. are you doing anything after this. how much cash do you have on hand right now." his ADHD hyperfixation on a new-old hobby is going BUCK WILD. He has to recreate this except EVEN MORE. Armand is watching Satine Suddenly Die At The End, just like how in all of his silly little plays someone also Suddenly Dies At The End, and he is deciding that this is maybe god's perfect movie. This is the greatest film either of them has ever seen. They think this is Cinema.

Armand and Lestat will have never agreed with each other for so many consecutive minutes as they will when the credits roll and Louis starts monologuing about how much it sucks to the point of VAST OFFENSE AND HURT FEELINGS on Armand and Lestat's part

the whole mess devolves into a screaming fight between the three of them while Daniel both refuses to referee and also won't stop making bitchy comments once he twigs to the fact that nobody else seems to have noticed that he was Going Through Some Cringe Nostalgia. The night is ruined, no one is happy, Louis takes Lestat floating the idea of founding a new theater with Armand since "you clearly don't understand art, LOUIS" as one of Lestat's top five greatest betrayals. Armand is not giving a straight answer about whether he is on board with the theater idea or not, which upsets everyone equally, unlike if he had said yes or no clearly and at least gotten one ally locked down. Louis appeals to Daniel to oppose the theater idea; Daniel does a bad job of doing so because he chronically believes that maybe having some hobbies will Make Armand Worse, which is a thing he's into sexually. Everyone goes to bed mad. The passive-aggression for the next week could be cut with a knife.

[anxiety-pickle]

Jade and Aventurine analysis pt 2

bc I have chronic can't shut the fuck up disease

I’ve been seeing a lot of rhetoric floating around that we can’t judge (or even get a good idea of) Jade’s character because she hasn’t had her character’s release yet, which I want to address, and I’m going to do so by comparing Aventurine’s 2.0 appearance and Jade’s 2.1 appearance and related context, and why I don’t think it’s going to be a ‘switch up’ situation

This might also count as a Jade + Aventurine design analysis / theory?? I’ll leave that up to the jury

For some context, I started hsr because of Aventurine in 2.0. I started maybe a week or so before 2.1 came out specifically because I was so interested in his character, and by that point I had already made my determination about his character. And let me tell you I clocked him right off the bat. Not a single part of 2.1 was actually surprising to me (as terribly awful as much of his backstory is) and here’s why:

Aventurine’s first official appearance was his debut in “White Night” which turned out to be a direct parallel to his character arc as well as 2.1’s story, with lyrics such as “you’re hosting / a magic show I cannot escape / there’s nothin’ else left for me to do / goin’ to the other side”. This directly references both Sunday’s use of Order on him as well as him traveling through the Nihility to find Dreamflux reef

More importantly for his character however are the following lyrics “There’s no one else left for me to lose / goin’ to the other side, other side / I don’t want to be alone tonight / I’ll bring to you my best disguise / ‘cause you don’t need, don’t need to know the truth”

It tells us BLATANTLY what Aventurine’s character is - we know everything about him right from the beginning, even if it wasn’t clear that the song was about him

Now let’s move onto his design: This is an even more meta discussion of his character, but Aventurine’s design does a great job of telling us everything we need to know about him. 

Let’s start with the general card motif. The first thing I noticed was the recurring Spade design which is all over his outfit (and later turned out to be the suit that he applies to himself with his shield). In the Tarot deck, Spades are associated with intellect, action, air, and death, so already we have some morbid connotations with his imagery

Next is his general outfit: it’s very extravagant and superfluous; there’s obviously an element of seduction to his design (both with the choker and the chest window), which is likely a reflection of Aventurine’s views towards using himself as a chip (which I’ll get to later). This immediately illustrates to me that he has no problem using whatever means he has at his disposal to do what he needs to, even at risk to himself (which was later confirmed by his language towards himself in 2.0)

Finally onto the choker and the bracelets. Both are inherently restrictive pieces of clothing. The choker particularly calls reference to a collar (you might notice that Topaz, an indentured servant, also has a choker in her design, whereas Jade’s neck is bare). In Aventurine’s case, the bracelets and choker were particularly noticeable to me after Ratio and Aventurine’s staged 2.0 conversation wherein he’s called a “doomed Sigonian thrall” or openly called a “slave” in the Chinese dub

All this is to say, every element of these character designs are thought out and we can glean relevant information from them

Now let’s talk about Aventurine in 2.0

Initially, he deliberately antagonizes himself by playing up his frustration at the Astral Express taking up time when correcting a room-booking issue, and establishes a point of negotiation between himself and Himeko, who he perceives to be the leader

He ends up giving the Trailblazer his room (which he went to great lengths to get) at no benefit to himself - in fact, it’s a very large inconvenience

Multiple times he emphasizes that we, the player, should feel free to “use” him, once again showing he has no regard for his own life at all

The most damning piece of evidence, however, is that Acheron straight up clocks him the second she lays eyes upon him, “There are people who possess unwavering resolution and faith, even unto death, and they do not wield such conviction for good. One who wears a blade must use it to cut eventually. And when a gambler has nothing to lose on the table, he will surely go for broke and bet it all on a final hand.” (The Youths Who Chase Dreams)

In the ten minutes we see Aventurine on screen, he’s already 1) given up his room (to his detriment), 2) used dehumanizing language towards himself and 3) someone else who’s seen him for 2 seconds went wow that bitch looks suicidal (and she was right)

My suspicions were then confirmed by the following conversation with Ratio and Aventurine (which we now know to be scripted)

When Ratio says “doomed Sigonian thrall” we see the camera pan down to the brand on his neck while also showing the discomfort on his face → and to be honest, the sheer amount of people who weren’t immediately aware that the brand represented something dehumanizing at the least was a little surprising to me, because there were no positive connotations (or even neutral ones) in that scene. It made it very clear that it was something bad, maybe something done against his will / was outside of his control

The last important scene in establishing Aventurine’s character foundation is with his conversation with Sparkle (again, the reception to that conversation made me… a little uncomfortable. The way her comments were received freaked me out a little I’m ngl)

She first makes comments about his eyes, so we immediately know that they’re uncommon

She then tells him that Sigonians belong in the sewers (which is a crazy thing to say) and essentially says all of them are liars and thieves, so now we have real in-world prejudice against the planet that Aventurine comes from. Now we can identify the even more specific prejudice that Aventurine’s ethnic group, the Avgin, experience. Sparkle makes it clear that his eyes are distinctive and can be used to identify him as Avgin, immediately thereafter telling him that he and his “thieving people” belong in the gutters

Aventurine also says that the Dreamscape is “frivolous, vain, and flashy - and that suits me just fine” (Gentleness, the Name of Nocturne)

The worst part imo was when she mocks him, “Did you strip yourself naked, apologize to him on your knees, and promise that IPC would never harm Penacony?” (Gentleness, the Name of Nocturne). This remark is exponentially worse now considering his full circumstances, but it was already bad just as it was stated. A lot of people just took this as a joke, but I can read so I didn’t. There is a very clear power dynamic being established here - between Sunday and Aventurine (which ends up becoming relevant in 2.1), but it also establishes that there’s a power imbalance between Aventurine and the rest of the world. It doesn’t help that Aventurine doesn’t say anything to that - he doesn’t even appear offended. I assume that’s hardly the worst thing he’s ever heard said about him. The backdrop of “all Sigonians being liars, thieves, and social manipulators” definitely doesn’t help that either - playing on the assumption that because he’s Sigonian he must also be a whore

So this is yet another instance of someone (Aventurine or other) making a remark about Aventurine using himself as a tool to get what he wants → so, both internal and external instances of people using dehumanizing language towards him

This informs us that both Aventurine, and the world around him, do not value him

All this is to say it should have been abundantly clear to anyone who was paying attention what Aventurine’s character would turn out to look like: he is very clearly posturing through the entirety of the quest, he is very clearly self-destructive, and his self-esteem certainly can’t be very high

And I was right! I was exactly on the money. So now, using what we’ve seen of Jade, I’ll analyze why I don’t think Jade is in a similar situation as Aventurine (or even Topaz)

Now we don’t have nearly as much Jade content as we had Aventurine content at the time I made my determination about his character, but I feel I have enough material to make an educated guess as to what Jade and her motivations actually are. Let’s start with character design

First thing’s first: the snake. This is very clearly a Biblical allusion to the snake and the Garden of Eden. Broadly, snakes are already symbols of trickery, deception, lies, and sin (all of these having culturally to do with the christian hegemony). 

So basically, Jade has THE symbol of sin and temptation

Now, this COULD be a red herring, but so far her actions match up to her motifs - if anything, the snake is a reflection of herself rather than some kind of disembodied act / third-party-manipulation

In her splash art, the snake has an apple in its mouth (representing “sin”) that literally bleeds onto a contract she’s signing. So already we’re not painting a pretty picture here

Back to the jewelry around her neck: her necklaces are in no way as restrictive as Aventurine or Topaz’s chokers. I believe this was an intentional design choice, especially when comparing the “openness” of her outfit to Aventurine’s. Despite his attitude and posturing, he spends much of the quest making defensive gestures (such as crossing his arms or holding his arm behind his back, and largely keeps space between himself and others). He is also almost entirely covered up, aside from the chest window. This could just be due to hyv being weird about women, but I do think there’s something to be said about the relative flowy, open gestures of her outfit - Jade doesn’t dress like a woman who’s afraid

In her splash art, we can see her standing at the bough of a tree (perhaps representing the garden of Eden) and a man crawling towards her, offering jewelry and other valuable items. This man does not seem well, and the audience can extrapolate that he is not doing this of his own free will / there is coercion of some sort at play

Another comparison I’ve seen made of her clothing, and one I have to agree with, is that of a Southern Belle, and given the whip, animations, and the context in which we see her for the first time… let’s just say she’s not beating the allegations

This is a more minor character design choice, but note that her nails are sharp and pointed in her splash art. This is usually done to appear “animalistic” in some way; prescribing nonhuman traits to human characters so that they’re associated with a particular trait. In this case, the pointed nails are likely a reference to either the snake or the “demonic” connotations of “sin”

Her stone itself, jade, has different meanings in different cultures. In Chinese culture it is commonly used to symbolize success, good fortune, and prosperities. In ancient culture it was also believed to connect humans to the divine realm. I find this interesting because Jade herself works as a symbolic “connection” between the rest of the world and Diamond, who might be considered “divine” in some senses as he is an emanator. She says that she is the only person working directly with diamond, so I wonder if her stone was chosen accordingly?

‘Jade’, as in the stone itself, is also a ‘catch all’ term for both nephrite AND jadeite… so, Jade isn’t even an actual ‘designation’ of stone, referring rather to a spectrum of stones. Nephrite and Jadeite can be distinguished by their toughness and translucency. 

It’s somewhat ironic that aventurine (stone) is considered a cheap counterfeit (and Aventurine refers to himself similarly throughout 2.1) meanwhile Jade isn’t even its own individual category of stone. 

Next let’s look at her in the 2.1 plot

The first time we see her, she’s acting as a JUDGE. That is important to emphasize because people consistently downplay her role in his sentencing. I’m not sure why she was acting as a judge in this case (it might have something to do with the massive amount of money and infamy the case caused, or maybe there just wasn’t anyone else with high-enough clearance to take the case, or maybe she expressed personal interest in Aventurine and wanted to hear his piece in person), but she was literally the SOLE acting authority

I’ve already discussed Aventurine’s suspicious lack of legal options, so we know that Jade is basically the only thing that stands between him and literally dying

Immediately, she’s the first thing we see on screen, and she takes up the entire screen - domineering, pushing Kakavasha into the corner even in his own memory. This establishes another very clear power dynamic between them. Jade is sitting above him in her perfectly styled clothing while he stands beneath her in chains. The first thing she says to him is to assign material worth to his body, and goes on to admonish him for killing a slave owner - so, we know whose side she’s on, basically

Granted that Kakavasha basically just “exchanged hands” within the IPC, that’s not surprising that she’d have such a blase attitude

Here, we also see the shift in Kakavasha’s voice - I’m not sure when the change happened, but I do think he ends up mimicking her (both with the hat and the manner of speech). We already know Aventurine has the unfortunate habit of picking things up from the people who’ve hurt him (eg “all or nothing”)

I think it’s honestly a shame that people aren’t willing to engage with Jade’s character as it’s presented because that incredibly unhealthy mentor/mentee relationship is much more narratively complex and imo worth exploring than whatever it is they’re doing over there

Jade clearly has all the power over this transaction - Aventurine makes her an offer, and she accepts, but it was her choice to do so. She could have just as easily sentenced him to death, but she figured that she could get something out of him - notice how her tone sharpened after Aventurine made his wager. As soon as money was on the table, her attitude changed.

So, again, my opinion has been thoroughly substantiated by the way she acts: I think she is sinister and cunning, like Aventurine, but in the opposite way - Aventurine makes himself out to be an incompetent fool to trick others into underestimating him, whereas Jade uses a soft, kind voice to lure others into a false sense of security.

We can’t say for sure how Jade perceives herself, but I think that’s irrelevant to the discussion of her character analysis. By this I mean her motives for doing this seem entirely geared by profit, but the reason she seeks that profit is unknown. Regardless, I don’t think there’s a backstory in the world that could make me “switch up” on her. Now I’m gonna move on to 2.3 leaks so if you don’t want to see those be warned

*leaks start here

I’ve already gone through her eidolons (the clearest reflection of her soul) and they all pretty much just reference her position as a loan shark. So, predatory and exploitative in nature

Jade’s kit sucks HP from her teammates

Being a capitalist parasite is literally baked into her kit that is SO funny

Her skill drains 5% of any ally affected by Debt Collector → if Debt Collector is applied to herself, she does not lose HP but she does not receive the associated buff. So, the opposite of the self-destructive behavior we see Aventurine show (who, in his kit, literally applies a higher taunt to himself so that he’ll get hit more often than his teammates)

She may affect enemies with “blind fealty” which prevents them from attacking

She quite literally profits off of her teammate’s suffering. This is so incredibly funny

As for her light cone: THEY DELETED THE LEAKS I FOUND

If anyone knows where to find them. Please lmk. Everything I could find on tumblr, tiktok, twitter, and reddit is literally gone. I had a post saved from 2 days ago that got deleted. Idk where the crackdown is coming from (especially since Firefly’s animations are completely untouched). Maybe they’re fixing her unrendered-ass animations 

Anyways, from what I remember I think the light cone is called “Hope is Priceless” or something along those lines, which SEEMS like it should have a positive implication about her character, but if anything it feels… ironic? Maybe even mocking? When compared to the names of all of her talents and eidolons. I’m going to interpret that as “hope is a good investment because I pay nothing to achieve it”. We’ll see how that interpretation goes in the next couple of weeks I guess

Anyways, comparing that to Aventurine’s kit, which literally focuses around protection (once again showing the division between his carefree mask and his actual character), Jade straight up stealing her allies’ HP is just. So funny. Like yeah that makes sense. She’s a debt collector. Taking people’s shit is her whole job and she takes that gig seriously

From what I remember reading on her light cone, she was fixing an orphanage (or something like that? A place with a bunch of small children), and I was getting a menacing sort of vibe to it. Maybe take that with a grain of salt because I literally cannot find it to quote right now. And if/when I do I will edit this but it’s literally nowhere

**leaks end here

Notably, we have no leaks pertaining to Jade’s past or anything like that, which implies that it has no bearing on the plot of 2.3. Especially compared to Aventurine’s pre-2.1 leaks. I’m going to go out on a limb here and wager that Jade’s backstory isn’t particularly important to her character - at least, not the way Aventurine’s backstory is important to his character. At the moment, I don’t think her character or the overarching narrative would have anything to gain from trying to make her seem sympathetic, as they’ve done a pretty good job of painting the IPC workers as a morally gray entity between the IP3. You have Topaz, who is happily complicit in colonization - but an indentured servant to the IPC all the same, and Aventurine, who is unhappily complicit (note also that Aventurine was specifically assigned to the Penacony case because his methods are significantly more peaceful than whatever Opal had planned) and who is property of the IPC. From that alone we have a pretty broad gray-space of morality to work from, so I’d prefer if they went even darker with Jade (as far as motivations go).

Basically, you can’t build a villainous corporate entity off of sad backstories alone, and since the IPC references so many real irl corporations, I think it would be kind of strange if they decided to sob-story everything they’re doing away. 

If they were to go down the path which attempts to absolve Jade of her guilt by giving her some tragic backstory, or otherwise shifts the blame of her actions up the chain of command (which also doesn’t really make sense, since that would take away a lot of her autonomy and also the only person above her is DIAMOND), I feel that it would… cheapen her character as well as the story. Gray morality =/= sad backstory!!

I was also a bit confused about why Jade is becoming playable now. Like, we’ve seen maybe 30 cumulative seconds of her onscreen, and we don’t really have many story-relevant leaks right now like we did with Boothill. But Jade actually has a lot of Christian symbolism, which is significant to me because Ena has been associated with Christianity throughout the entirety of Penacony. Now, the snake alone might not have been able to convince me that this was intentional, but the tree/apple/garden of Eden imagery makes it almost impossible that it’s a coincidence. Now, does that mean Jade has connections with the Order? I have no idea, but I do think it’s interesting that she has such strong Biblical imagery right as we’re getting to leave Penacony (and with the Order, an allusion to Christianity and the Christian god)... Maybe she’s intended to be another parallel to Sunday, I can’t be sure yet. I’ll revisit that after her release.

In conclusion critical thinking is a skill and too many people haven’t practiced it

(Sorry for typos/errors/whatever I started drinking halfway through writing this)

[syn4k]

i have chronic cannot shut the fuck up disease

[zarvasace]

as the local vampire expert (at least in terms of ppl i am following) i would like to know your opinions on sickness & vampires, just in general any universe. as some people consider vampires “technically dead,” do you think they can get sick at all? or can they get any normal sickness, or sicknesses that only vampires are affected by?

(ooh I'll claim the vampire expert title, even if I don't particularly think I am that expert-y!)

As most things, this really depends on what lore you're using! Most vampire lore I've come across, whether the vampires are undead or not, mark them as being immune to a lot of mortal diseases and illnesses, or it just never comes up. It's just one more way they're superior to humans, in a lot of cases.

I did read a book, though, where vampirism was sort of considered an illness all on its own—that's The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks. I enjoyed the way this book played with some typical tropes but don't necessarily recommend it, I found it kind of boring tbh. The vampires in this world, iirc (it's been a few years) aren't stronger or faster, but they are restricted to nighttime and dependent upon blood, animal blood in this case. Not only are these vampires not stronger, they're actually weaker in a lot of ways, which is extra-interesting if you take it as both a vampire parody and a analogy for chronic illness. I think this kind of vampire poses a few fun questions about what vampirism could be and what we can do with it.

And porphyria is real, a disease where a person might get blisters under sunlight, along with a few other symptoms regarding skin conditions and general pain. People call it the vampire disease because of that symptom, though I think it's a stretch to say that porphyria "inspired" the vampire mythos.

It's actually been posited that vampire mythology originally rose from misunderstandings of more common diseases, often specifically rabies. Stoker might have written Dracula as a sort of analogy for the cholera pandemic. (If you're interested in that I found an article which kind of summarizes that.)

We just don't see vampires getting sick that often, though I do think that there's some potential there if that's the direction you'd want to take your story! I read a trilogy about immortals once (Seers by Heather Frost) in which it's explicitly stated that they heal from any wound and just don't get sick. That is challenged in the second book when the main love interest gets flu-like symptoms because he regrets his choice to be immortal. It's a whole thing. That series is pretty fun, but not about vampires.

What I'm saying is that I think it could be really interesting to play with the idea of illnesses in a vampire story, whether it's as an analogy or a threat of some kind or just something they deal with. Humans get colds, vampires get sunlonging or... Whatever. If you're looking to set up some vampire lore, it could also be interesting to specifically allow vampires to get some or all human illnesses because they still have human immune systems or whatever explanation you want to use.

I think having some vampire-specific diseases would be very fun though! Here are some ideas:

The afflicted vampire finds that they cannot sleep, due to inflamed photosensitivity. Unless they completely shut themself off from light, they're gonna be one tired, grouchy lil bat. It just gets worse when firelight and electric light starts to set off their reactions, too.

A vampire drinks from someone with the flu and gets the flu. :'( But this is now a mutated strain that other vampires can catch!

A vampire's chronic illness did not go away when they were turned. Maybe it stayed the same, or maybe it changed slightly.

A unique vampire-only strain of a vicious disease is rampaging through the underworld! Maybe they can't die again, but catching it still means being out of the game for however many weeks, which could mean loss of territory or feeding grounds.

The afflicted vampire only shows one symptom, perhaps a muddled mind, so they don't think much of it, until it gets bad enough that they revert to a zombie-like state.

Addiction isn't exactly a disease, but this vampire is certainly suffering some sort of withdrawal from not having access to blood with [insert drug of choice] in it.

Speaking of drugs, how strong would one need to be to incapacitate a vampire? How much needs to be in their system, and how does their system flush it out?

The afflicted vampire finds themself repelled from certain things when normally they wouldn't be: holy symbols, garlic, running water, silver, darkwood. It's not just an aversion, either, it's full-on running away to be sick.

[delusionalblfan]

Let's talk Ray and mental health.

Ray thinks he is not a priority. That he is easily left behind and not worthy of care. That people have to be patient with him and most won't want to be. Clearly, he has anxiety that leads to abandonment issues, and his mothers lack of care plays a big role in this. Don't have much information about his father, but I believe care is not much used between them. I believe he loves his son but neglects some aspects of his life.

And then the addiction, that is a chronic disease but treatable and a piece of crap. He has the family history, the mental illness, the lack of family involvement, the early use, and so on. If we analize the 4 C's, Ray has them all. He has the compulsion to fuel his addiction, craves it like a physical need, lacks the inner-means to control it or his behavior and has clear consequences to his life in terms on relationships with friends, lovers and family, and with work and also has legal issues. Though, he will go to rehab because the person he loves the most and makes him happy begged him to. Not because he thinks he is ill. So he also lacks insight.

I could also talk about a potential personality disorder and the fact that he tried to unlive himself and the depression. But I'm going to force myself not to do it, or my mental health nurse side won't shut up. And I think we get some relation between those and the aforementioned.

So Ray is someone experiencing mental illness that desperately needs help. He has been bottling up so many shit inside of him, so many unspoken words of 'help' and 'love me' that it's hurtful to watch. And as hard as he tries to bottle it up, his love for Sand grows. So his need to Sand to be the one to understand and stand by him is getting more and more real.

So with the therapist, he just lost it. He once again did something that could potentially make Sand get away from him, and I believe he cannot go on with life without Sand being a part of it. And that's how you love someone but get a clear indication that your mental health needs more love than you need the person. So thank you for considering rehab. But please, take care of yourself and love yourself more than you love anyone else.

Now I'll cry alone

[nyalisa-landale]

solution nine msq spoilers

alisa's like frantically vibrating in place almost every single time sphene and lamaty'i are talking with the sheer effort it takes to keep her mouth shut. she's just mentally repeating "not my circus, not my monkeys" over and over and over, so that she doesn't blurt out things like "so, have you had to start prioritizing which memories you have to keep and which ones can be deleted to free up space for new ones yet?" and "incurable chronic disease from unbalanced aether? alisaie can fix that," and "i wonder which ascian invented electrope," and "sphene, I have vanquished gods, giant robots, god-powered giant robots, the strongest individuals that two entirely separate planets were able to muster at the very peak of their power, and the physical manifestation of the despair and anguish of over a hundred and eight planets, in order to prevent the complete and utter destruction of our own. I didn't need a regulator for any of that and I don't need one now. quite frankly, the only reason I haven't already driven my rapier through zoraal ja's skull is that I promised lamaty'i she could fight him first."

if raha were there too he'd also make some of these connections, or at the very least she could squeeze the shit out of his hand, and he spent a hundred years building and ruling a nation! he's probably got some valuable insight here! but nooooo, he had to go be a nerd and stay in the lab and do research, and now alisa's stuck reminding herself "lamaty'i wants to make friends, I cannot fuck this up for her, I have to wait for sphene or zoraal ja to fuck it up first" while on the verge of vibrating into another reality entirely with all the effort it's taking her to keep her fucking mouth shut

(in the back of her mind jane's like "for the love of god can literally any other scion take a turn babysitting lamaty'i so we can go enjoy the fully automated luxury gay space communism before it all inevitably comes crashing down under the weight of the unspeakable ethics violations required to keep it functional? raha? ali? literally anyone? erenville could use something to distract him from the fact that his mom's died and uploaded her consciousness to a stupid mascot robot*, surely he can get back to his usual routine of following lamaty'i around and making sure she doesn't brain herself on sharp corners for like an hour or something. please????")

* I have only just reached the part of the msq where erenville finds out she's dead, but I've suspected this since we met her. and alisa, having read An Sci-Fi before in her life, definitely also did.

[they-thespian666]

The relationship between a guy with chronic cannot shut the fuck up disease who loves backseat gaming and a girl who does not know what the fuck to do in video games is unprecedented <3

[seeminglyseph]

So. I'm watching a playthrough of Silent Hill: The Short Message. And I've seen the Jimquisition episode about it, and a handful of critiques about it first, and having seen the trainwreck that was the first attempt made at a Silent Hill return, and my overall animosity towards Konomi as a brand, I was fully keyed up to be all negativity all the time against The Short Message.

But, it may be my Bias as someone who like. dropped out of high school due to bullying and Girl World and the way some friendships can form unholy triads that will fully destroy each other with jealousy and insecurity. (I have been in multiple Triad friend groups and either been the third wheel or accidentally instigated and insecurity uprising by joining a stable duo and throwing off the groove. I am not saying "three's a crowd" is a valid mindset. but when you have three insecure and unstable people trying to make sure they're still special and important to each other. It can become a volatile mess of feelings especially for teenagers and pre-teens. This isn't some sort of commentary on Poly relationships. It's a commentary on my specific experiences with insecurity)

When I was in Jr High I had a teacher who referred to the group of friends I was in as "the witches of eastwick" which given the movie is a year older than I am and a 14A slightly raunchy comedy I'm not sure if it was the most appropriate joke. But c'est la vie. The point is, I feel like I can definitely like. Understand the concept of Short Message a little more than some.

Along with the concept of growing up somewhere that feels fully hopeless. My parents never put money away for me for University, but constantly talked about how I needed to plan for university. But also where I lived cut funding to a lot of stuff that wasn't trades related because Alberta decided the most important things locally were Oil and Trades. (and then the oil industry kinda shut down locally due to trade deals and people throwing hissy fits over elections, which fucked our local economy but I won't go into that) I had to go to work 20 hours a week minimum while going to school, which did damage to my grades, which effected my options, which pissed off my family, which left me feeling hopeless about even the chances of going to any University. I was put in classes above my ability because "that's what you need to be able to have a future" while destroying my body early working long hours and failing those classes because I had bullying, abuse, work and high stress toxic friendships to balance along with Universities that didn't really offer any options that would give me a future that wouldn't give me more of the same. And eventually I broke under the pressure and I got a high school diploma through continued education courses but never officially "graduated."

My body is permanently damaged in multiple ways from the stress and strain of trying to balance everything in that world. I have over 100 self harm scars from cutting and burning myself. My pelvis is permanently deformed due to Ankylosing Spondylitis, and standing for hours and hours and hours as my body developed. My hips used to dislocated with such a startling ease that I would be bed ridden for months and months on end in the worst agony. It's an autoimmune disease it's not going away, and the damage that was done overworking myself is never being undone. One of my eyes is permanently damaged and cannot be repaired. I carry stress in serious damage to my body in multiple ways, and multiple chronic illnesses developed in my teenage years. The future I carried a responsibility for fell through my fingers because of the strain of working for it.

There's times where the dialogue in the game is on the nose or too hammy or like... kinda silly. But. I feel like living in a dead end place... with a dead end mindset, where everyone around you also similarly has a dead end mindset... it eats part of you. And Teens and Young Adults get caught in a haze of it. I remember watching people react to Canada's Worst Driver, and like 80% of the people who end up on that show come from Alberta, and are people in their early 20s. And half these reactors were people who never lived in a Dead End place.

I especially remember watching Hasan and Kurtis something react to the show, and I remember the way they reacted being so striking to me, because they fully had no understanding whatsoever of the reckless drivers they were watching. And like, as a 35 year-old now I do have a like. "tsk. that's shitty driving don't do that" kinda attitude. And also I have always been an anxious driver and didn't get my license until I was 25 and literally do not drive now due to vision and brain issues, but. I've been in cars with people who are reckless drivers, especially when I was in my early 20s and I know exactly what mindset causes it. It's "This probably only only really effects me, and it doesn't really matter if I die, I don't have a future."

There's a suicidal ideation to it mixed with a drive to feel literally anything if only just a little bit of fun in driving a truck really fast in a way that sparks some adrenaline at an age where the consequences part of the brain hasn't finished developing.

I know it's so American, and I'm Canadian, but Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen seriously is one of my favourite songs for this reason.

In the day, we sweat it out on the streets Of a runaway American dream At night, we ride through mansions of glory In suicide machines Sprung from cages out on Highway 9 Chrome wheeled, fuel injected and steppin' out over the line Oh, baby this town rips the bones from your back It's a death trap, it's a suicide rap We gotta get out while we're young 'Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run

It's iconic and I can't stop thinking about it sometimes.

I don't know that I exactly have a point, and The Short Message definitely isn't perfect. But. I think there's something to be said about what is being said in the game, and how it's being brushed aside. because I feel like it casts a really good spotlight on Dead End spaces, and the mindset that can take hold there, the almost contagious hopelessness of youths who don't feel like they have a future.

I feel like people in places like Toronto or Los Angeles lose scope of places that "don't matter." I've lost track of how many times I've heard Canadian Youtubers talk about how "nobody lives in the Prairies" or whatever. And that feeling of being somewhere that doesn't matter, and being the friend that doesn't matter, and having a future that might never happen... there's a reason for alcohol and drug use being such considerable problems in these areas, it's escapism people feel so intensely hopeless and without a future they just sink into any possibility of numbness. Plus since trades are most of the only jobs you can get most people have some kind of chronic pain. half the time undiagnosed and untreated.

[chronicbeans]

The Oath

A "Tales from the Iolite Hospital" story

TW: Hospital Setting/Doctors, Mentions of Chronic Illness

I look up to the large wall in the break room. The ringing of music from my chest and the clicking of my gears is the only sound in the room. As such, the golden words on the wall seem to glare down at me with such intensity that I cannot look away. My robotic joints move on their own accord, approaching the plaque on the wall. The plaque was, supposedly, written by humans long ago, then sent to our world by accident.

"I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgement, this covenant.

I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.

I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.

I will not be ashamed to say "I know not," nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.

I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick."

I stop at the last part, feeling an odd, uncomfortable feeling swell in my chest. I cannot help but remember the look on Aluminum's face after our last appointment when I read the line "I will remember that I do not treat fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being..." We may not be humans, but I feel like I have done something wrong, either way. His words were cruel, but I feel as though they were, in some way, deserved.

I hear the door open and shut behind me. Turning, I see the face of my colleague, Nurse Angel, staring at me. Her voice Pierce's the silence of the room, making her presence known. "Dr. Cogsworth, what are you doing? Your patients are waiting."

I wish to move, to go see them, but I feel I must ask this question. The burning in my chest increases as the words leave my mouth "Are we doing something wrong?" "What do you mean?" "Each patient is different. We treat them almost exactly the same. Patients with a specific GI disease go through the same medications and such, regardless of their differences in other health areas."

She crosses her arms "You must be crazy, questioning that. Look... here's how it works: patient comes in. Patient is sick with say... gastroenteritis. Treat gastroenteritis the way every other case of gastroenteritis is treated. It has been proven to work, after all! Patient is cured. Patient goes home happy. Any differences in treatment are due to outside forces, like allergies or such. Doesn't that make sense?"

I slowly nod my head, explaining "What about the patients that never get better? The chronically ill? Like-" "Like Aluminum?" I hesitate, before nodding again "You are letting his case get to you. I have never believed you could truly care for a patient. Let me tell you something: I never have. You get too close, Dr. Cogsworth, and I never expected you to even be able to feel anything. That robotic expression of yours tells nobody anything."

Nurse Angel takes a deep breath, before continuing "You are letting one patient get to your head. You already know the protocol for chronic illness here. Treat them how their chart says to. The only reason why Aluminum skipped to dupilumab was because he can't swallow pills. When you tried to give him pills, he choked. The liquid slurry was skipped, too, because the creators of dupilumab wanted more EoE patients to experiment with. If this is about him, you know how to treat his case. His condition is still not well-known, so we need to experiment as we please with his case. So, just follow protocol, while asking administration for changes as you see fit with him. The protocol has been proven to work. There are only healthy and sick people in the world, our job is to cure sickness. The chronically ill should just be seen as a lifetime job." With those words, she leaves.

I look back to the plaque one last time. That burning in my chest is spreading to my face. Before I know it, I feel liquid running down my cheeks. I bring a few stiff, shaking fingers to my face, before looking down at them. A clear liquid, which I know as tears, covers the tips of my fingers. I don't know why, exactly, but I am crying.

I am crying and all I can think about is the upset faces of my patients, as well as the words of frustration they have said to me.

[majorbaby]

I think you'd be big on mashblr if you made more gifs and wrote less meta

why not both, why not all, i am a multidisciplinary artist and a gemini who suffers from both adhd and chronic cannot-shut-up disease

[stealth-liberal]

I am so sick. Like, called the doctor for help sick. Full body aches, can feel every hair follicle level of sick. I now have some interesting post nasal drip that's going on, and the ENTIRE BOTTOM HALF OF MY FACE HAS SWOLLEN UP. This swelling has gone beyond double chin, beyond triple chin, there is basically a morass of swollen flesh the extends from my jaw bone (which you cannot see within the sheer amount of... swollen that there is) to basically my clavicle.

It's gross.

My tongue is swollen too, and my mouth doesn't want to shut. So my jaw aches along with the full body aches, skin sensitivity, constant need to pee (I'm seriously thinking of just figuring out how to sleep sitting up on a fucking toilet), and a slight sore throat. Y'anno, you would think with all the swelling that my throat would hurt more than it does, but it doesn't.

Basically, I got some normal run of the mill virus and that woke my Lyme disease up and she said, like the bitch on wheels that she is, "HOLD MY BEER GUYS, I GOT THIS. YOU WON'T BELIEVE THE ABSOLUTE SHIT SHOW I CAN MAKE OF THIS! BUCKLE UP MADAME. IT'S GONNA BE A BUMPY RIDE!"

I forget that I have a chronic illness a lot. It affects my life in waves. I can go years with the only thing I deal with is minor joint pain in my feet. Other times, Lyme is raging through my body and ruining everything in her path like a meth addict on a rip-roaring rampage of drug fueled revenge.

There is no consistency, and so it's easy for my ADHD brain to forget. Other times, it's like it is right now, and I am reduced to whispering threats to my body like that will actually work.