#chronic pain life

[fallenstarcat]

“well it’s good your tests came back normal!”

no. it’s not.

a normal test result doesn’t mean i don’t have symptoms anymore. it just means we’re no closer to an explanation.

i’m still struggling. my symptoms are still getting worse. we just don’t know why, also meaning they don’t take me seriously.

a normal test result is not a a happy thing when disabled.

[crypticsesh]

Recently, lately, whatever. My pain has been constant. Fucking constant. I shouldn't be working...but I don't have a choice. Because money, because insurance, because benefits. And if I decide to follow through with disability, that I'll get maybe half of what I'm currently making a month, and that just isn't something that will keep me afloat.

I don't honestly know what to do anymore. No one in this whole county has an open MRI. I'm too claustrophobic to use a normal one. I said I'd do a normal machine if they knocked me completely out, but that was a hard no.

I need new images to see what's going on. What's progressed, gotten worse, what's new...but it's damn near impossible to get done.

I'm dealing with new pain, and that's honestly terrifying me. How much longer do I have before I can't work, how much longer til I'm in a wheelchair, how much longer until I can no longer walk...I see everyone around me so happy for upcoming life events, excited for their future, and loving every moment of every minute of every day. I try desperately not to think of my future. "Normal" is no longer an option. I don't think it ever was. But god damn. This isnt fair.

I take all my pain meds before leaving the house. It's about an hour commute into work, and after 20 minutes of being at work my pain level is absurd again.

It's 2024. I fucking find it hard to believe that medical advancements are so far behind that we have no choice but to live like this. I'm sure it all come down to money. It is the root of all evil, and I feel like it warps even the most well intentioned of doctors minds. Shit, maybe I'm wrong. Wouldn't be the first time.

I'm tired of hurting. I'm so fucking sick and tired of doctors who don't care.

Idk. Just a vent. But yeah. Fuck the past few days and especially today. I'm tired of crying from the pain.

[hmasfatty]

I spent nearly four hours doing my intake appointments for the Pain Clinic today and, irony of ironies, have come away from it all with my first migraine in about a year AND a flare-up of all my other pains 😩😩😩

Thankfully they don’t seem like they’re in a rush to do anything drastic with my medications, and if I can pass a “movement assessment” they’re going to put me in their hydrotherapy program, which I’m very excited about. All in all it was a good outcome of a long day but…ouch!

[lifeonkylesfarm]

warning: this is probably really rambly

I hate people who basically just tell you to be healthier. I literally can't just exercise and eat well and do things that aren't being online. Y'know why I'm online all the godamn time? I'm so tired I can't stand. I'm so tired I can't even sit up sometimes. I'm so tired sometimes that laying down still hurts. It's like just being dead but you're forced to still be alive. You think I have the energy to do that shit? People will act like you'll have more energy if you do these things too. Yeah, maybe slightly. Maybe I'd feel a little better if I didn't sometimes eat like trash cause I'm so tired I can't do literally anything. Maybe it'd be nice if I could do art and not just be in such excruciating pain that I avoid eating and drinking and showering. But I cannot do these things. I'm currently trying to get a wheelchair. I really need it. Yet, I've had people recommend all these different asinine things to try and convince me I don't need one. I honestly don't think I could possibly exercise unless I get a wheelchair. I have to walk everywhere. It's exhausting.

[tvmilfs]

It’s literally me fighting my body every day

[thequeeranachronism]

Having chronic pain as an afab person is like:

Why am I having so much pain today I didn’t do anything unusual yesterday or the day before and then waking up the next day to your period having started

[infernal-virgil]

Having an invisible disability at 20 fucking blows

I've had chronic joint pain for going on 5-6 years now. I've dealt with chronic fatigue for about the same amount of years.

I first started noticing there were days when my knee would feel so completely wrong and painful that I limped. Because there were days when walking hurt too much. But most days I was okay. I didn't hurt a lot of the time, and I comfortably sat at a 1-2 on the pain scale. Sometimes I was even at 0. I was 15 in high school dealing with untreated mental illness and undiagnosed autism. The possibility that this wasn't a normal amount of pain to be in didn't occur to me. At least not for a couple years.

I was 17 when I realized it was getting worse. I was spending about half of my days in pain, I only used compression sleeves and knee braces when I hurt. The pain was still for the most part central to my knee, though my shoulder bothered me some days too. I still did all the things I enjoyed but I soon realized the consequences. Worsened pain, constant fatigue. The thought I may need a mobility aid started to cross my mind. But there were still some days when I wasn't in pain. Days when I felt good.

I'm 20 now.

There's rarely, if ever, a day I spend without any pain at all. I wear a knee brace or compression sleeve anytime I leave the house. I'm buying my first cane soon. I've stopped doing things that brought me joy because the cost of pain is too high. Especially now that I'm employed. I used to love to go on walks or to the zoo. I don't do either anymore because the night spent in agony and the days after spent with screaming fire in my knees are not worth the joy I find in these activities. I have to bandage my wrists now a lot of the time because if I don't I can't do something as simple as reading a book without shrieking pain.

There's something so utterly terrifying about watching your body disintegrate and being unable to stop it. Especially when you're young. I can't explain to my friends that I can't go out because I'll be bedridden the next day if I do. Or tell my family why I look so distressed to be forced to do something I know the consequences of. It's difficult to have to curb your excitement of your youth because your body is falling apart. Five years ago I would not have considered the possibility of having to fit my life around my disability or needing a mobility aid. In a couple more years I'm sure I'll look back at now and wonder how this was ever the top of my worries because it's gotten worse.

I'm 20 years old. In a broken body.

And it fucking blows.

[britcision]

So this is why we don’t have ideas after 2am

1) I’m on about 4 different meds that can cause serotonin syndrome, 2 of which must be taken daily

2) one of the symptoms of mild serotonin syndrome is increased heart rate

3) my regular resting heart rate is already around 90-100bpm; this is apparently unrelated to my many and varied health problems

4) 2 of my non daily drugs CANNOT be taken together cuz it slows your heart right the fuck down

5) yes I have fucked 4 up a grand total of once, my heart rate dropped to 60bpm and woke me out of a dead sleep but other than that I was fine

6) AND HERE IS WHERE 2AM CAME IN

BECAUSE IF I GET THE SEROTONIN SYNDROME

AND MY HEART GOES ZOOMY BAD

I DO IN FACT HAVE A DRUG MIX THAT WILL SLOW THAT BITCH BACK DOWN

ONE OF THE HEART SLOWING TWO IS ONE OF THE ONES THAT CAN FUCKING CAUSE SEROTONIN SYNDROME THO

AND DOING ONE DRUG POISONING TO FIX ANOTHER DRUG POISONING IS JUST FUCKING BAD ACTUALLY

[crownofstardustandbone]

Me when I’m sick and tired of being bed bound and home bound because of chronic pain and disability:

[potsiepumpkin]

When the chronic fatigue is chronic

[crypticsesh]

I am getting so worn down. Physically, mentally, just...this is beginning to be too much. I finally felt as if I had a manageable hold on my chronic pain. I was doing alright. Surviving. But now, new pain is coming forward and I honestly just want to tap out. Ring the bell. I'm done. I feel like such a useless piece of shit. What good am I, what worth do I hold, when I'm stuck in the body of an 89 year old at the age of 33. I fear to even try and imagine a future. But I desperately want one. I want a happy future devoid of all this pain and mental anguish.

I'm seeing my pain management doctor this morning regarding this new pain. It'll just be more x-rays, mris, and then injections. It's always fucking pills or injections to "fix" the problem. Truthfully, I don't feel like our medical professionals ever intend to truly fix a problem. The method most used is just putting a bandage over it. But what do I do when normal daily life tasks become unbearable. Getting dressed physically hurts now. I'm hardly sleeping from this pain.

Saturday I slept 90% of the day away trying to just avoid being awake with this pain.

My pain meds aren't working, smoking isn't helping, a tens unit isn't helping, and I've already had my epidural. I can't get another one for 4-6 months. So what the fuck.

I'm at such a loss, and I honestly feel like the biggest loser, the biggest worthless piece of shit alive.

I want to be more then this. I miss who I used to be.

[colourmeastonished]

Body swap movie where one of them has invisible disabilities and when the other one lands in their body they immediately collapse catatonic on the floor from the pain and fatigue and the first one is like 'oh damn guess I don't have to worry that I'm faking it anymore'

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

i think everyone who's ever had migraines should be financially compensated forever btw

[anotherobsessedfangirl]

Love how every time I experience pain I am scared that it will be permanent and that’s just what I have to live with now

[tvmilfs]

The whole right side of my body is being such a fucken bitch

[thequeeranachronism]

My pains been pretty well managed and so I haven’t had a night of insomnia due to pain in a while sort of forgot how much it sucked. The volteran gel is helping some at least perhaps I will get some sleep but aaargh