#compulsory femininity

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

Bigots denying a woman her womanhood aren't actually granting her the status of "man" esp with all its attendant privileges.

Degendering is a form of dehumanization. The goal of misgendering/degendering a woman is generally to treat her as a disposable object, unworthy of even the conditional and dubious "protection" that women are supposedly due under patriarchy.

If they actually saw her as a man she wouldn't be targeted in these ways, and "man/manly/male" would never be spat at her like an insult.

[ordereduniverse]

“For all our boyish clothes and mannerisms... we women did not pass as men or boys... our point was not to be men; our point was to be butch and get away with it... A dyke learns much of her social function from other dykes... Whether she ever has the chance to enter a Gay bar or not, she imitates dykes, not men. She may identify with traditionally dyke figures: Diana the Huntress, Beebo Brinker, Gertrude Stein, Bessie Smith, Natalie Barney, Queen Christina, Joan of Arc, Amy Lowell, Oya, St Barbara, modern athletes, and other leaders... the social message she bears and is delivering is not ‘I am a man’ but rather ‘Here is another way to be a woman.’”

-- Judy Grahn

[catherine-montvoisin]

On the revolutionary concept of women in practical clothing

“Although there was more than a symbolic connection between the suffocating confinements of women’s long skirts and the suffocating restrictions that defined women’s roles, the dress-reform movement of the 1850s became an excruciating personal torment and a political mortification to the American heroines of women’s rights.

 Among the pioneers [of the “rational dress movement”] were Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Lucy Stone, the Grimke sisters and the self-effacing Quaker organizer Susan B. Anthony, who later recalled this time in her life as “a mental crucifixion.”

[...] Elizabeth Smith Miller, the daughter of abolitionist Gerrit Smith, [created “the short dress”] which she had originally stitched up for working in the garden. [It] had a somewhat Turkish look. The lower part consisted of a pair of ankle-length pantaloons with an overskirt that came to the knees. To the knees! No trailing skirts to get caught underfoot, stepped on, ripped or soiled. No undulating petticoats to gather up and hold with dainty grace while turning a corner or sitting down, in order to avoid a mishap. On a visit to Seneca Falls, Lizzie Miller gave Lizzie Stanton a practical demonstration. She showed her cousin how confidently she could walk up a flight of stairs with a baby in her arm and an oil lamp balanced in her other hand, without fear of tripping. Mrs. Stanton, who already had four of her seven children, was instantly converted.

With the bounding enthusiasm for which she was famous, she applied the scissors and needle to her own long skirts and began to evangelize among her many friends in suffrage and abolition, offering to make a present of the short dress to Susan Anthony, a promising new ally from the temperance movement. [...] Stanton wrote to her cousin. “We can have no peace in travelling unless we cut off the great national petticoat … Stand firm.”

There were many exhortations from one feminist to another in the years 1851 and 1852 to stand firm. Wrote Ida Husted Harper, “… the press howled in derision, the pulpit hurled its anathemas and the rabble took up the refrain. On the streets of the larger cities the women were followed by mobs of men and boys, who jeered and yelled and did not hesitate to express their disapproval by throwing sticks and stones.” Many a votes-for-women rally turned into a circus when an unruly mob invaded the hall to gawk at the [short dress]. What began as a personal convenience had turned into a painful political principle, the right of a woman to wear comfortable clothes. In December 1852 while visiting with Mrs. Stanton, Susan B. took the plunge, shortening her skirts and cutting her hair to make a total statement. “Well, at last I am in short skirt and trousers!” she anxiously wrote to Lucy Stone. She was the last of the great suffragists to adopt the style. 

Within one year, she would be among the last to still wear it.”

- Susan Brownmiller, Femininity

This is the “short dress” that women, well-known activists and organisers who were at the front of a massive social revolution, had to withstand physical and verbal harassment and public humiliation to wear:

I don’t think men have become any less committed to enforcing decorous object status on women, what with stilettos and 2-inch long fake nails, and clothes that can’t be moved in without constant re-adjustment or restriction. 

The best I can say is they’ve lost some of the power they had to force their way. And for that, we thank these women.

[man2maiden]

Feminine Inspiration

[hollow-keys]

I hate you cosmetic nose jobs, I hate you lip fillers, I hate you double eyelid surgery, I hate you liposuction, I hate you waist training, I hate you botox, I hate you anti aging products, I hate you concealer, I hate you foundation, I hate you leg and arm shaving, I hate you eyebrow plucking, I hate you hair relaxers, I hate you beauty standards.

I love you big noses, I love you lips of all shapes, I love you monolids, I love you body fat, I love you wrinkles, I love you skin "flaws", I love you dark circles, I love you body hair, I love you bushy eyebrows and monobrows, I love you curly hair, I love you body inclusivity.

[cannibal-rainbow]

cishet artists need to get it through their heads that changing/erasing masculine features of female characters because thinking these traits are undesirable/unattractive is not an “Art Style” or a feminist move, it’s your (un)concious contempt and prejudice towards masculine women, gnc women, butches and trans women. This is what you have been conditioned to think and you need to grow out of it asap. No more adding makeup on butches.

[poniatowskaja]

Sometimes I think about how when I was 11, a woman related to me by marriage told me I should stop swimming because it was making my shoulders wide.

Awful attitude towards girls and a legitimately insane thing to say!

[diaryofadaringwitch]

Every AFAB witch should try these at least once:

Stop shaving until you no longer feel comfortable, then try to go one more day

If you wear makeup daily, try going without or at least stop wearing any foundation/powder concealer

If you wear traditional underwire bras consistently, try wearing sports bras or other flexible materials outside of a gym setting

Wear legitmately comfortable shoes for an event you would normally wear heels for. There are plenty of dressy shoes that are not heels

---------------------------------------------------------

Why?

Simple- witchcraft is about agency. Making the conscious choice to impact your life through the direction of energy.

Growing up, traditional femininity felt like a script I was supposed to be following and I would be shamed for messing up my lines. I remember begging my mom to let me shave after I was bullied for having underarm hair. I wore makeup daily to cover my "flaws", I spent so much time and effort on crafting a 'ladylike' appearance.

So I stopped. I did a full 360 and tried to be "not like other girls". But that didn't make me happy either. I didn't fit in with other girls my age and I wasn't one of the "boys" either. I had just given myself a new set of rules.

Now- I get to make my own rules. I shave sometimes, but I don't feel ashamed of my body hair when I let it grow. I love dressing up in heels sometimes but I don't feel compelled to wear them if I'm uncomfortable. And outside of cosplay or events with a lot of photos (like a wedding) I don't wear foundation at all- but I still enjoy fun eyeshadow and I love nail polish.

I can just exist how I want. Sometimes that involves those traditional "feminine" things but I don't think of it that way. It's a choice now.

I feel like it's important for afab people who feel like they "have to" do things a certain way to appear desirable should break the rules for a bit. Even if you go back to your old routines, you can do so with the knowledge that it's a choice, that you are consciously making the decision instead of being stuck in social compulsions.

What do you think? Is there any value to these habits or is it simply another way to pressure people to conform? I'd love to hear all kinds of thoughts and opinions.

Blessed day!- Kate

[nomorerww]

but how can anyone not want to be a Kardashian? look at the kind of men that they have children with. not to mention the compulsory performing of femininity that they are all doomed to, unless they want to be mocked or attacked by the shitty media. How many gimmicky, pointless & expensive cosmetic procedures like the vampire facial do you need to have done to have value as a woman in the Kardashian's world? so much pRivIegE!

[nudevastate]

i hate when women who look gnc go online and start crying about how they will never be like the soft, pretty and feminine girly girls out there because they themselves have non-long hair, short unpolished nails, no makeup on etc and its like. oh! so you think i'm hideous too?

[possamble]

i wonder if you have any thoughts about how marcille always seems to dislike it when falin wears men's clothing ( i bet she wears it out of its comfiness rather than because she prefers masc style tho, although i hope both lolol) and super short hairstyle

I wonder if it's just her interest in cute feminine fashion in general or maybe there's something more

For the clothes, at least, it's like... Marcille is probably more horrified by the clothing being actually made for and marketed to men than anything else. I bet she'd be fine if Falin wore the exact same things but they were in the women's section, or at least, branded unisex. She would be so so silly about arbitrary stuff like that in a modern setting.

The hair I think is a tangled issue of Falin's resemblance to Laios getting a little too obvious for Marcille's mental health, and Marcille's own very intense relationship with how (female) mages should treat their hair. Also, since it's mostly a joke doodle, I kind of took it as a flanderized Bad Taste Marcille being horrified by a woman with short hair because she buys into gender norms. Some people are... weird about what women do with their hair and unfortunately I can fully see how Marcille can be weird like that in a vacuum joke setting.

(there's also something to be said about how this kind of femininity policing could also be used as plausibly deniable homoerotic subtext. like, girl, why do you care that much about how cute another girl looks? hm?)

[vriskaserketdaily]

it’s just a stupid fucking costume why does everything have to be so goddamn difficult

[ordereduniverse]

Embrace ugliness. Straight up. Not neutrality, not beauty. What would it mean to let yourself be ugly? To let yourself be? While terrifying, it is also sweet relief.

Let yourself exist, rather than exist for others. Acknowledge that when you don’t exist for others, you are “ugly”. Laugh at the moon. Embrace your ugliness. Marvel at your free mind and heart space, and your free time. Be in your body as an experience, not as a performance.

It took me years and years to get to a place in which I was truly not giving space to the police inside and outside of my head; but i don’t believe it can be done in mind before it is done in practice. Doing it in practice creates the space for your mind to get there, too.

Mary Daly:

“Hag is also defined as ‘an ugly or evil-looking old woman.’ But this, considering the source, may be considered a compliment. For the beauty of strong, creative women is 'ugly’ by misogynistic standards of 'beauty.’ The look of a female-identified woman is 'evil’ to those who fear us.”

[andsheoverthinks]

I am genuinely curious because I've seen lots of posts about high heel-related injury and the pressure to wear heels. I've only worn them to Very Special Events (commencement, formals ... and even then I sometimes just wear ballet flats) aka less than 10x in my life and I rarely see women wearing them on a given weekday. They'd be super impractical/impossible for me, for one, because I walk and/or bike everywhere.

Yes, I do live in the U.S. -- No, I don't have my license yet.

[musicbasedsubculture]

Interested in your take that pro-corset people are tradwifes in disguise. Do you think it’s a psyop?

I don’t think vintage/historical clothing enjoyers are being paid off by Big Traditionalism to make youtube vids about how corsets are empowering, no. but I do think that particular focus on vintage beauty/fashion ideals obfuscates the fact that - then as now - those standards and styles were imposed by patriarchy on women to make them into beautiful decorative objects. even if you leave aside the fact that corsets could be physically limiting and cause damage, no feminine costume women get stuck in is Actually Just Neutral and Cool for Women, because those costumes (and the ideal the costumes seek to emulate) are born from patriarchal conditions that keep women constrained to the girlysphere

[poniatowskaja]

The main expression of masculine orientation toward women in our society is a non-reciprocal license to study, stare, examine, no matter what female in no matter what situation, a license which sometimes extends beyond the visual to verbal insolence. This male behaviour is a component of an enormous complex of cultural practices that can be called the feminine beauty system. Although the men themselves would put it in cruder terms, what they are measuring is the degree to which the woman they are studying has subordinated herself to the beauty system, that is the degree to which she appears to be committed to making herself attractive to men.

‘The beauty system’, Dean MacCannell and Juliet Flower MacCannell, in The Ideology of Conduct (ed. Nancy Armstrong and Leonard Tennenhouse), pp. 207-208