#consider. i am stupid and bad at math

[roblingoblin285]

this is literally insane but whumpee who's forced to do math problems under the threat of torture. like whumper goes "rewrite that polynomial function as the product of linear factors or i'm going to lash you with a hot poker"

[flamagenitus]

I was looking at the computer science curriculum for 1st year comp sci at my university and as a bioinformatics student the comparison is insane. Ppl who have choose comp sci for their degree have like 4 months to learn how python works where we have 1. They are not taught 4 programming languages per year. They are allowed to acclimatise to the notion that packages exist and sometimes they contain useful functions you don't have to create yourself!

AND YET, WHEN A BIOLOGY PERSON CAN'T INSTANTLY USE PYTHON 1 MONTH INTO A BIOINFORMATICS DEGREE, WE ARE CALLED 'BAD AT PROGRAMMING' --

[stupidphototricks]

Rincewind just might be the character of all time. (Part 1, probably)

“You’re all missin’ the point. He survives. You keep on tellin’ me he’s had all these adventures and he’s still alive.” “What do you mean? He’s got scars all over him!” “My point exactly, Dean. Most of ’em on his back, too. He leaves trouble behind. Someone Up There smiles on him.” Rincewind winced. He had always been aware that Someone Up There was doing something on him. He’d never considered it was smiling. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

Rincewind shook his head. “It’s no good,” he said. “I hate it when people are nice to me. It means something bad is going to happen. Do you mind shouting?” Ridcully had had enough. “Get out of that bed you horrible little man and follow me this minute or it will go very hard for you!” “Ah, that’s better. I feel right at home now. Now we’re cooking with charcoal,” said Rincewind, glumly. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

Adventure! People talked about the idea as if it was something worthwhile, rather than a mess of bad food, no sleep, and strange people inexplicably trying to stick pointed objects in bits of you. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

He was no good at anything else. Wizardry was the only refuge. Well, actually he was no good at wizardry either, but at least he was definitively no good at it. He’d always felt he had a right to exist as a wizard in the same way that you couldn’t do proper maths without the number 0, which wasn’t a number at all but, if it went away, would leave a lot of larger numbers looking bloody stupid. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

And he probably had saved the world a few times, but it had generally happened accidentally, while he was trying to do something else. So you almost certainly didn’t actually get any karmic points for that. It probably only counted if you started out by thinking in a loud way “By criminy, it’s jolly well time to save the world, and no two ways about it!” instead of “Oh, shit, this time I’m really going to die.” -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

“Say something in wizard language!” “Er. Stercus, stercus, stercus, moriturus sum,” said Rincewind, his eye on the knife. “‘O excrement, I am about to die?’” -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

“I saw him, I tell you! A legion of soldiers collapsed with the wind of his passage!” The wind of his passage was beginning to worry Rincewind as well. It always tended to when he was frightened. -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

“That is correct,” said Two Fire Herb. “We will overcome because history is on our side.” “We will overcome because the Great Wizard is on our side,” said Butterfly sharply. “I’ll tell you this!” shouted Rincewind. “I’d rather trust me than history! Oh, shit, did I just say that?” -- Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

[aceecee]

Insatiable

Rafayel x non mc reader

MDNI

can be read as stand-alone but read the series to gain a better understanding

will probably end up adding this to the series itself - Extra #6

TW: smut - semi-public sex, oral (fem receiving), dom raf, dubcon. aftercare, fluff, some angst, implied poly (Various x Reader), mc has a name and physical appearance, Rafayel both hates(?) you and yearns for you bad, themes of obsession and possessiveness

Masterlist

WC: 2.9K

Your mark was stupid.

In the defence of twenty year old Samuel Locke, he was just that - twenty. Though you’re not that much older than him, Samuel has lived a life of privilege. He’s never known hardship, his wealthy family made sure of that. While his parents and older brother make deals with your boss, Samuel does not. You have yet to determine if this is because it's kept from him or because he does not want to.

Three days of surveillance can teach you a lot about a person. You had to give credit where it was due, unlike those in his social circle, he had a good head on his shoulder. Average student who excelled in maths, part of the rugby team and handsome. But where he excelled and his friends failed was innocence, odd for a boy, especially a rich one. You didn’t think such a thing was possible, in your first life you never came across one but then again this is a world that’s been crafted for women. Fantasies like Samuel would exist here. 

Sylus had asked you to insert yourself into his life and figure out if he had any useful knowledge against his family, as a precaution. The only way you could think of finding out anything was by flirting, the poor thing had no experience with women or men, he was making it too easy. 

One of the bugs you’d planted in Samuel’s bedroom let you know he was going to a club with his friends today. Your outfit was carefully curated to the boy’s taste. Not too seductive and not too cute but a mix. A purple dress that hugged your figure just right with a neckline that showed a hint of what’s underneath. The dress stopped half-way down your thighs, not short but not long. All the accessories paired were simple. From what you’d noticed about the man, you were right out of his wet dream. 

The club was nauseating. There was a point in your life where you liked places like these. The blaring lights you’d get sucked into now gave you a headache. The intimacy of all the people around you now felt suffocating. Unfortunately, discomfort has become a norm for you.

Currently, you’re waiting around the bar, nursing a drink. Your eyes are trained on the black-haired man as he makes his way to the bar. His steps are a little clumsy, he’s tipsy. 

Perfect. 

Two bodies collide but only one is left soaked from the remnants of a drink.

“Oh my god! I am so sorry,” your apology draws attention from those around so you make sure to sound sheepish. Samuel looks annoyed for a second until his eyes meet yours and widen in surprise. He’s not subtle as he checks you out and the bright blush he sports after is not working in his favour.

“Here,” you say, reaching for napkins. “Let me help,” his breath hitches as you make contact with his shirt. Even though you’re concentrating on wiping away any liquid from him, you’re aware of the intensity of his gaze on you. “I-its okay,” he stutters, gently putting his arm on your wrist to stop it. You almost feel bad for the guy.

Almost. 

“No, it’s my fault,” your voice comes out a little choked as tears gather in your eyes. “I’m such a klutz!” It’s amusing to see the panic in his face. “I’ll pay for the dry-cleaning or even a new shirt!”

“N-no really it’s okay.”

You pout. “I have to make it up to you in some way.” Samuel considers your words and when his blue eyes light up, you know you have him. “Then…join me?” he gestures at an empty booth. “All my friends have ditched me for hookups and this really isn’t my scene. Some company would be nice,” he looks down at your face. “Y-you don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“No, I’d like to!” you point at the empty bar. “I’m in a similar position, I have no idea where my friends are.”

The two of you walk over and sit but when he makes no move to talk, it’s clear you’re going to have to take the lead. “I still don’t know your name, stranger.” The request perks him up. “Huh? Oh, I’m Samuel,” he reaches for a handshake, “Samuel Locke.” He must have realised this isn’t a business meeting because he tries to put his hand down but you put your hand through his before he can. The contact stills him. “Nice to meet you, Sam. I’m Lilly.” 

A nickname will force closeness. 

Samuel loosens up after that and conversation flows naturally between you two. You’re careful to not ask about his family, this is the first meeting of many so there’s plenty of time for it later. He surprisingly gets you to genuinely laugh at some jokes. It’s after one that you feel a prickling sensation in your neck.

You’re being watched.

Samuel now has a couple of drinks in him so he doesn’t notice as your attention shifts. Bluish-pink eyes stare directly at you. The intensity of Samuel’s gaze earlier doesn’t even come closer to the way these beautiful eyes glare at you. They have your mind blank, your eyes hazy and your heart racing. They have you coming undone with just a look. They have you weak.

Rafayel doesn’t make a move after you notice. He simply sips the drink in his hand without breaking contact. 

You don’t know why he’s looking at you like that. He’s made it crystal clear he doesn’t like you. Actually not liking you would mean he felt something for you, no the man simply doesn’t tolerate you. You can’t think of a reason as to why when you'd done nothing to the man. After a while of his coldness, you chalked it up to him being like this with anyone not Mara (MC), his jokes and sassiness reserved only for her. You thought you were proven right by how he interacted with her compared to you. Except you saw how he acted around strangers he’d met or even acquaintances and it became clear this behaviour was just for you.

Again, you have no idea why. It’s not like you’re seeking him out, bothering him or annoying him. You actually go out of your way to avoid him, you have no desire to be in his life especially when he’s made it clear you’re not wanted in it. It’s not your fault Mara drags you to his house sometimes or to his exhibits, you can’t say no to her and she knows it. 

For some reason, she’s intent on you two becoming closer and neither of you are willing to deny her so a reluctant truce of sorts has formed. He’s civil with you, a simple “Hey” or “Move” will come out of his mouth from time to time. 

Which is why you have no idea why he looks like he wants to strangle you. Did he find out you like to call him blowfish behind his back? The man can’t treat you horribly and expect you to not give him a petty nickname.

“Hey? You okay?” Samuel’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts. You break eye contact and shift all your attention back to your target. “H-huh? Oh yeah, sorry, I just got lost in my thoughts,” you explain, giving him a smile. He blushes at it. “Can I have your number?” he blurts out without thinking. “N-no wait please ignore that.” You can’t help the real laugh that bubbles out. He’s charming in his own way. You reach your hand out to him, wiggling your fingers. “Give me your phone.” He’s quick to follow your command, fishing his phone out of pocket. You add your contact, the phone number is a fake burner meant exclusively for Samuel. You hand the phone back and smile when he stares at the screen like its salvation. 

The gaze still on you seems to intensify at the interaction. It puts you on edge and you need to collect yourself. You’re not letting fish man ruin this. “Hey, um, I’m just going to the bathroom. I’ll be back,” you inform the beaming black-haired man in front of you.

Two sets of eyes watch you leave.

The women’s bathroom is shockingly empty when you enter.

You walk over to the sink and splash cold water on your face. The heat from the lights and the stench of the place have you on edge. You’re still not used to being around so many people and it’s hard not to let it show. Of course the blowfish is no help either. 

Just what is his problem?

You raise your head and examine yourself in the mirror. Your real self is showing. The exhaustion in your eyes is screaming. With a sigh, you reach to grab some tissue, careful to dab the water away and not rub. The makeup on your face was minimal and waterproof but you weren’t taking any chances.

Your head subconsciously moves towards the door when you hear it open. The figure that steps through has you pause. 

“Rafayel? What are you doing?”

The man doesn’t answer, instead he turns to lock the door. 

Rafayel was already having a shitty day. From waking up and finding out that Miss Bodyguard cancelled their plans for an emergency mission, to having to deal with Thomas begging him to meet a client and said client wanting the meeting to take place in a club of all places. The cherry on top was having to watch you flirt with someone. Someone that wasn’t him

He hates that. Hates that he desires your attention. Desires you. 

Since he met you, he’s been trying to make a paint that was a match for your eyes. But something would always be wrong. The colour never shone like your eyes did when you saw sweets. It didn’t show your sadness at all. It never depicted the soft look you’d adorn when looking at someone you truly cared for. A look you’d never shown him and he’s to blame for it.

He feels for you exactly what he feels for his bride and it terrifies him. He’s filled with shame at the realisation but it’s true. He made his distaste for you clear whenever you met, it was childish on his part but what could he do when the woman he’s waited for all these years doesn’t remember him but loves another. That other being you. He still feels the sensation of his heart breaking when he saw the way Mara looked at you, her need to constantly keep a hand on you and the possessive way in which she held you. 

Then you started to pull away and it killed him. Rafayel has no answer for his behaviour. Without thinking he finds himself painting portraits of you, you’ve taken refuge in his mind and it’s affecting his work to the point he has to add something into it that reminds him of you or else he’ll go insane. Against his will, you’ve become his muse.

He’s aware you were flirting with that guy because it was your job. Rafayel has connections too but getting information of your allegiance with Onychinus had been hard. But he can’t ignore the jealousy burning inside him, eating away at his mind. It’s not the same jealousy he felt with Mara, no it was overshadowed by the need to make her happy. He doesn’t want you to be happy. He just wants you with him. 

And if he has to fuck that into you then he will.

Rafayel hopes Mara is content with sharing you because he’s not going to ask for permission. He’s going to be selfish. 

Any questions brewing in your throat end at the speed of which his mouth clashes with yours. The gasp that escapes you is greedily swallowed up by him. The harshness of his movement causes fire inside you. His kiss burns. It leaves you dehydrated and the only salvation is him. 

One hand snakes behind your waist, pushing your body even closer to his. His legs move forward holding you against the sink, your left hand is clutching at the edge for purchase. Your other hand sneaks into his indigo hair and he groans when you tug. His right hand that’s not holding on to you moves to the back of your neck, holding your head at an angle that allows him to kiss deeper. You don’t fight him for dominance. You let him take.

Your god demands a sacrifice and you’re devout. 

He pulls away and you’re left a mess. Breathing heavy and chest heaving while he looks fine. It’s then you remember that he’s not burdened by the limits of humanity and you find yourself involuntarily swallowing. His eyes follow the action and you are so screwed - figuratively and literally. 

“Why…How…What-” you can’t find the words to ask anything as your traitorous mind is still stuck on the assault on your lips. The hand on your neck loosens and gently cradles your face. It’s so unexpected that your mouth hangs open. He chuckles at it but you’re all too familiar with the guilt in his eyes. Before you can say anything, he picks you up and sets you down on the sink counter, his figure at home between your thighs. His hands grip tightly at their respective thighs. 

He puts his head into your neck and peppers it with small kisses. The last kiss lingers for a while. “I have a lot to make up for you,” his head is face to face with you now. The eye contact has your stomach doing flips. He brings your right hand up to his nose, sniffing at the wrist and taking in your scent. Everything about you is intoxicating but your scent drives him mad. You’re aware of the attention you capture but so oblivious to the devotion those closest to you possess. “You gonna let me do that, pretty?” His eyes have you in a trance as they stare at you - hooded and dark. He places a kiss on the palm. “You gonna let me apologise?”

You nod and faster than you can blink, he’s kneeling and reaching for the bottom of your dress. He bunches it up to your waist, the colour reminds him of his hair and the thought has him grinning. He pushes you on your back for easier access. You jolt when you feel the kiss on your clit. The sensation is too much, something you haven’t felt in years so your hands reach for his hair to try and stop him. It doesn’t work, in fact it seems to rile him up even more. You throw your head back when his mouth begins sucking through your panties. The material numbs the sensation a little while the action has you seeing stars. 

You bite your lip to stop the moans from escaping but a whine falls out when the sensation stops. “None of that, you brat. Let me hear you,” his hand cups your chin and he squeezes as a warning. You nod and that bright grin he had before returns. “Good girl,” he purrs. His finger’s hook into the sides of your underwear, pulling them down. You hear the intake of his breath as he’s greeted with you. 

His licks are wild with abandon. It’s clear that this is more for him than it is for you. Even if you wanted to you wouldn’t be able to stop the moans he’s guiding out your throat. It’s wet. It’s sloppy. Just the way you like it.

His eyes are trained on your every reaction, the expressions you make when he touches a certain area and what sort of moans he can pull out of you. He longs to tear the dress off and see every single area of your body, map every scar and blemish in his mind. Only then will he be able to complete those sculptures of you. But it’ll have to be for another time, when you’re in his bed and there’s no worry of someone barging in.

You’re sure that underneath your skin you’re red. The fire he’s tending to inside you still rages, it’s no way near satiated and as its keeper he’s all too aware of it. 

His assault quickens and you feel the pit forming. Your hands wave through his hair, guiding him in deeper, desperate for a finish. “R-rafayel…I’m…” He lets out a hum and the vibration of it is your undoing. With a loud moan you climax. 

Heat is all you feel, the cold of the mirror on your back is a deliverance. You press the side of your face into it, closing your eyes to gather yourself. Rafayel’s eyebrows shoot up in worry but none of it is seen by you. His hand presses up to your forehead and he lets out a curse. 

“Come on, let’s get you out of this stifling club,” he carries you out of the bathroom. 

Your target is long forgotten.

The two of you are in the bath together. 

He ran you a nice cold bath and got into it with you. You’re currently pressed against his chest with his arms around you. His finger’s are rubbing all over your body as you doze off. He’s finally fulfilling his wish of seeing all of you.

“Thought you hated me,” you murmur, sleepingly. 

“Me too.”

Taglist: @serenity-loves-red @crimsonmarabou @reni502 @r0ckb1n @queenkymmie @plzdonutpercieveme @perqbeth @mephisto-with-a-knife @tumblingdevils @angelwhizpers

[aegonsvhagar]

Doing It All For Love

𐙚 Reeling after her meeting with Rhaenyra in the sept, she takes advantage of the one thing that reminds her most of her true love; you. Even if you are Aegon’s wife, Rhaenyra’s only daughter and technically, her step-granddaughter.

𐙚 Alicent x Rhaenyra's Daughter!Reader (tw: step-incest, age gap; alicent is reader's step-grandmother and 38/reader is 20, manipulation, slight dub-con)

AN: i am still writing lamb to slaughter i am just rlly turned on by alicent being manipulative and being in power <3 reader is of age, no i am not doing the math

Alicent can't breathe. The power, her very control on matters is slipping. Aegon is lost, Aemond a violent monster. Helaena lost to her grief. Matters possibly be any worse. Of course they could. They always can.

She had told Rhaenyra to her face that war was due, that it was inevitable. Alicent knew the succession had not been changed, that Viserys did not change his mind.

But was Alicent to blame for wanting power of her own? To have developed a taste for it since it was first forced down her throat? Was it so bad of her? Her father had drilled in her so hard Aegon’s claim that had to be what she truly wanted. Why else would she forcibly usurp the only person that has ever loved her.

But it was far too late. All of it set in place. The board was set. Time to play the game before them. But she couldn't deny her feelings. Noy truly. She was angry. Angry at her father, angry at her king, at Aegon.

“Your grace?” you call softly.

Alicent half smiles, but it isn't sincere. She isn't the queen anymore, you are. She foolishly thought if she rushed and married you to a newly crowned Aegon that Rhaenyra would bend. She didn't know Daemon would simply declare war for his better half as you were now considered a 'hostage’ in the capital.

“You are the queen. You can call me Alicent, or mother…” Alicent walks towards you, and allows her hand to reach your face. “...or grandmother.”

“You're so young to be a grandmother.” you assure her.

“You think I look young?” Alicent feeds off your validation, so eager to please. You don't know if it's sincere or a survival tactic but she doesn't care, it turns her on all the same. “You’re such a dove, aren't you? Flaunting about the keep as you please. So insistent on making me and your betters happy.”

“I just want to please you all so you don't take my head.” you admit rashly.

“Take your head?” she cocks hers. “Why would we?”

“Because my mother is…my mother is a traitor and so is my father. I have traitor’s blood.” you say softly.

“You have the blood of the dragon and you share Aegon’s blood. Not all is treacherous.” Alicent tries to calm you, even though the words affirm what you fear people say about you is true. You are the blood of a whore, a traitor. And the worst is you are no bastard, but the daughter of an even worse fate, Daemon Targaryen.

“I wish to be a good queen to you, to Aegon and them.” Alicent reaches to hold your hand and pulls you closer. You gaze up at her.

“You are a good queen. Probably more loved than I.” Alicent’s voice is calming, but not to be sweet or kind or caring. No. She wants you in a false state of comfort.

The more Alicent looks at you, studies your face. The more you look like Rhaenyra. She could see why the court confused you two at times. You didn't have a shred of Daemon in your face, she thanks the gods for that. But you have her former friend’s face. The friend she so desperately clung to as a child. The one who turned her back on her. And now her daughter was clinging to her.

Alicent leans in and kisses you, it’s gentle and she can physically feel you react to it.

You immediately pull back, “Your grace-”

“I am not the queen, you stupid girl.” she grabs your hands firmer, her nails digging into you. “You took that position, usurped it from me.”

“As you have usurped my mother.” you speak back, matching her cold tone. As soon as the words leave you, you regret it.

“I am so sorry, have I hurt you?” she asks as she brings your hands to her face to inspect. Her tone changes to soft again, as she watches blood pool around the moons her nails left in your skin.

“I want to go home!” you admit, tears streaming your face. “I want my mother.”

“I wanted your mother too once. She was my…friend. But she has turned her back on me, on you.” Alicent kisses your hands gently.

“You lie.”

“Do I sweetling? Where is your mother? If I had heard my daughter had married my enemy I’d swarm the palace with my dragon and burn it to ash. But she has not yet even made a move and it has been weeks.” she shakes her head at you, almost mocking you for being so naive.

Alicent holds your head, and leans in to kiss you again, this time more roughly. You don't react, you let it happen. Alicent controls it, every movement she has the power and orchestrates it. And you're so stupid, naive and powerless, you let her.

“What would Aegon say?” you break away, mostly to catch your breath.

“He's with painted whores as we speak.” She licks her lips. You taste like fruit, something she knew you were fond of. She watches your face fall. “Does that upset you?”

“No.” you shake your head. “I do not think so. I don't love him.”

“I know.” Alicent goes to kiss you again, and this time you kiss back.

Your hands go to her waist and you whimper into her mouth. Her hands begin peeling you of your gown, a soft white and gold, and you work to untie the strings on the back of hers.

It’s all happening so fast you can't control anything, she's in charge. You can't help it, you miss your mother. Your gown is slipped off onto the floor and Alicent reaches to pull you closer, gently turns you and then throws you lightly on her bed.

“Have you two lied together?” she asks, finishing stripping her gown down, the dark green material pooling at her feet.

You can't help but stare at her body, despite four pregnancies her body still was slender, and a soft warm color painted her skin. You watched Alicent remove her seven pointed star necklace, kiss it and set it down.

“Have you ever been with a woman?” she asks, beginning to sit beside you on the bed.

You shake your head and watch her take pieces of your silver hair in her hands. God you looked so much like Rhaenyra, she needed to have you.

“Can you kiss me again?” you ask, snapping her out of her trance.

She smiles, mostly because she knows she has you, and she does. She kisses you again, and places herself above you.

You wonder what Rhaenyra would say, what she would think. They had been childhood friends, and now you were kissing her old friend and newest enemy, about to sleep with her. It was all entrancing. Would Daemon have your head when they eventually stormed Kings Landing?

Alicent dips her fingers in her mouth, coating them with spit before settling inside your cunt. You groan, and arch your back at her touch. Pure pleasure shoots through you as she continues to pump her digits in and out of you. She watches you with hungry eyes, picturing your mother in your spot.

You're a gentle little girl, always so keen on pleasing others, Alicent smiled slightly at you finally being pleased. She knew Aegon did not take your pleasure into account, her nasty excuse of a son could not please anyone. Not even the maids he took his pleasure from.

“Feel good sweet dove?” Alicent coos, voice full of sex.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” you cry out, pressure building as you become closer to orgasm. “Please don't stop.”

“I won't, I won't.” she says softly, mostly to herself.

You looked good like this, sweat stuck to your forehead, writhing in pleasure, pleasure given by her. Alicent pulls her fingers out, which causes you to omit soft pleading for her to go back to what she was doing.

She settles between your legs, and gives small kisses on your thighs.

“Don't tease me, please your grace.” you beg.

“I’ll do what I want, won't I?” Alicent doesn't wait for your answer until she's latching her mouth on your now wet cunt, sucking and licking away, the sounds of your moans growing louder and filling the chamber.

She didn't care if maids heard, or passed by and saw. All she cared about was that you were close to cumming on her tongue. She traced your cunt up and down with the wet muscle, ensuring your clit got the most attention.

Your orgasm hits hard, causing you to wrap your legs around her head, “Gods gods gods gods!”

As you ride your wave of pleasure, Alicent licks up the mess and gives your cunt one last kiss before pulling up and looking at you. Her mouth was wet, no soaked with your cum. You blush at the sight.

“Sweet girl.” Alicent wipes her mouth on the duvet, and lays beside you.

“Do you want me to…please you, your grace?” you ask.

She shakes her head, “Dowager queen.”

As you cuddle into her side, still breathing heavily, the one thing that crosses Alicent’s mind is your mother.

[nevertheless-moving]

End of The Rope: MDZS AU #8

mdzs au where the junior quartet accidentally activate a rouge cultivator's array and send themselves back in time — post-sunshot, pre-Yiling Patriarch era.

Naturally they seek out Wei Wuxian, the only person they know who might be able to undo the absurdly complex thing.

plot device sidebar: there's a massive yao carcass in the middle of the array — clearly the power source is death based. The four start taking sketches (Mostly Jingyi). Jin Ling swats at a fly, killing it. Eventual cultivation math reveals that the design was ridiculously overpowered. The inventor probably sent himself to the Neolithic era. Hopefully that's — hopefully that's what he was going for because, yeah, this was not designed for round trips. More plot from that later.

Wei Wuxian, currently drinking and pretending that he's avoiding helping with Lotus Pier's reconstruction out of arrogance instead of inability is deeply amused to receive a visit from four miscellaneous cultivators — who he should probably recognize, right? they're the same age as him, wouldn't they have fought in the campaign? I mean his memory is bad but, no his memory is probably bad enough to completely forget these guys. Whatever.

Alright so two Lans, a Jin, and some other sect (Nice guan — sect heir, maybe?) cultivators are here for his help with something important and private that only he can do (weird, but not completely unimaginable. Something too dark for upstanding cultivator's hands?). They really should go to Jiang Cheng for requests, but, eh. He'll hear them out.

They did , in fact, first seek audience with the Yunmeng Jiang Sect Leader for just that reason. They were greeted by the sect leader's sister and, well. No one had the heart to make fun of Jin Ling for stammering briefly, then turning and running away. They figured they could probably find Wei Wuxian somewhere that sells wine. It didn't take very long.

Here's the thing, Wei Wuxian thinks, staring at the four once they are assured of the room's privacy.

These guys, for all their earnest, off-hand flattery, for as much as they addressed him respectfully, could not be less impressed with him.

One second into the conversation and the Jin is ruthlessly mocking him for his corpse bride attendants with a classic Jin sneer. "What, you don't have any living friends to hang out with?" But he's really not scared, honestly, it's not just posturing, which could mean he's stupid but — also he doesn't seem super mean spirited?? Maybe's he's reading friendliness because the tone is so much like Jiang Cheng when he's joking. Kind of disturbing how similar it is. He kindof wants to ruffle his hair.

The Green one is either joining in an admittedly hilarious bit or defending Wei Wuxian? "I think it's nice! Giving the poor souls a chance to — oh, wait — is it supposed to be intimidating? Oh wow, that's kindof sad, isn't it?"

Lan One, also joining in, absolutely no trace of fear (since when were fucking Lans so at ease around demonic cultivation): "Please disregard my companions. I think it could be very intimidating, to the right sort of visitors, Senior Wei." Senior? Am I even older than you?

Lan Two, a little nervy, but also sitting down and pouring himself a drink?!?: "Kindof over the top though right? I mean, this is exactly the sort of thing you're going to be embarrassed by in —"

"Jingyi! You can't just—"

"What! I'm right! This is totally the sort of 'oh look how evil and scary I am' showmanship that he's going to look back on in 20 years and —"

If the complete and utter disregard of his reputation wasn't enough, they brought him a bribe! Spicy, edible, bribes! And wine! Lans bringing him WINE!

It's crazy, it's definitely crazy — but considering all that — he's almost prepared to believe that might actually be who they say they are, once they start explaining.

Wei Wuxian of course doesn't let them explain much — he knows just enough of time travel theoreticals to know that it either explodes horribly or doesn't actually fix your past mistakes. Until he looks over their notes and figures out what kindof time magic it is they should keep any major changes to themselves — seriously Jin you can destroy your soul with this shit. He'll erase his memory if he has to but — fuck.

He wants. He wants the future where no one's scared of him anymore, not really, not to where they can't sit and share a table with him like a normal person. Where he teaches guest lectures to little Lans and Lan Zhan apparently trusts him enough to help take care of his son as a kid (BABY LAN ZHAN SON! LAN ZHAN HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD ! WHAT A PERFECT YOUNG MASTER YOU RAISED!!") And Shije's son makes fun of him with Jiang Cheng's voice and... he wants.

Which double means they can't explain the terrible things they obviously want to tell him because damn he did not expect to live, what, 20, 30 more years?? Wow! Lan Zhan's not even married yet, and his son is probably 20, so, yeah. Lan Zhan would probably have a super long, elegant courtship — no, no don't tell me. His wife has to be perfect, for you to be such an upstanding young growth — I SAID DON'T ANSWER MY QUESTIONS DO YOU WANT TO TURN LOTUS PIER INTO A CRATER?!?!

Identity Confirmation Aside: Headcanon that Wei Wuxian can in some fashion or another do the genetic stesting thing that fierce corpse's apparently do (ala Nie Mingue's corpse in the Guanyin Temple), which is one way he 'programmed' his armies to attack certain clans and leave alone others. Mildly satisfied that drinking the Jin/Jiang blood was enough to scare them — and ugh, she seriously ended up marrying a Jin?? — okay, okay I won't insult your father! Yeesh. Identity Confirmation Aside Aside: The juniors were less freaked about him drinking blood (they've seen him do that before), and more freaked about their young (oh god is he younger than Zizhen) FLAMBOYANTLY CUTSLEEVE uncle licking Jin Ling's wrist and making WAY too intense eye contact. He was going for demonically intimidating but considering they've all seen him 'cleaning' Lan Wanjii's hands for him after getting street food it came off kindof... yeah. Jingyi gleefully plans on using this against them both at some point in the future. Jin Ling adds another bulletpoint to the Wei Wuxian specific trauma list.

Jin Ling Meta From this AU

My MDZS AU Masterlist

[hadesisqueer]

I appreciate The Dragon Prince because it gave me tragic antagonists or villains that I love (Claudia), villains that while I don't really like them I understand how they came to be and can feel a bit of sympathy for (Aaravos or Viren), villains I straight up fucking hate (Sol Regem) and villains that I don't really hate because when they appear on-screen I just sigh wondering how they can be so fucking stupid (Karim). They really give you everything.

No but for real, Karim's entire character arc consists of 'The risk I took was calculated but I am bad at math' because. He's so dumb. He keeps saying he wants to restore the Sunfire Empire to its former glory, but like-- how? What plans do you have for the future? Are you going to try to retake Lux Aurea? Because you can't. Oh, you want humans out? Okay-- how would that help to restore the former glory, though? You're just being a bigot?

The thing is that all Karim ever did was talk about his birthright —that's not even his birthright, actually, because he's the youngest sibling— and keep babbling about history demanding blah blah blah of people and how his sister wasn't a competent queen when actually it is the opposite. Janai proves, by allowing the architect to live while still giving her an according punishment, that she is a fair queen who chooses mercy and allows people to grow while still choosing justice; also, that she's more practical, because what good is a talented architect dead —who did something awful but still was sorta right about fire being dangerous around the camp— when you can just make her build a shrine so this kind of incident never happens again. Janai also had the Sunseed and plans to nurture it and help it grow, help her own people grow. She actually had plans for the future, and she had the patience necessary. She understands that you must learn from history but that it also doesn't define you, that you must not let it define you.

Karim doesn't get that. He was obsessed with history and the old ways. He didn't have any patience. And he didn't have any long term plans. Or even backup plans for when his plans inevitably failed, either! He was so convinced Janai would refuse his duel he was shocked when she actually fought him, and resorted to fighting-- with fire magic-- against someone who's fireproof-- again, no actual plan. He tried using an assassin to kill his sister, the actual person the assassin had a life debt to. He wants to steal the Sunseed, actively fucking over his people. When Ezran tells him to take his followers and start somewhere else, Karim refuses because he says he doesn't want crumbs off his sister's plate, but at the same time it's like-- that's exactly what you were gonna get, buddy. You wanna use Sol Regem to torch your sister's army. The only thing you're gonna rule over is the followers you have now plus what remains of Janai's, if they even accept you. So, yeah. Literally crumbs.

Also, again, he's so fucking entitled. 'What's rightfully mine' he's the youngest sibling, nothing is rightfully his, he's an usurper. Part of his demands being that humans leave and go back to 'their side of the border, where they belong', buddy, you'd be the king of the Sunfire Elves, not the King of all of Xadia. As king you could make humans leave your territory, but not Xadia. If a bunch of humans, hypothetically, befriended Moonshadow or Skywing elves and lived at the Silvergrove, or wherever the Skywing elves live, with them-- what, now you're gonna try to wage war against the the other elves, too, because they're not following your ways? You can threaten them with Sol Regem, sure, but also consider, because you didn't even consider it when you went to him-- he's an Archdragon, yeah, but the weakest of the Archdragons right now. Let's say Ezran and Janai follow through and give up and leave. They could go with Zym and head straight up to the Mushroom Mage and come back with Zubeia, the current Queen of the Dragons, right after she's done with her treatment. They arrive. Who's gonna win? A healthy Archdragon on her prime or an old, blind Archdragon that hasn't flown or fought in centuries? Also, once you give him the Sunseed he actually has no reason to be on your side, he already got what he wanted. Even if the Katolis thing didn't happen, he could've turned against you very easily. He likely would've done so.

He's an awful leader who doesn't actually care about his people. He disrespects other world leaders like Ezran immediately. He's an entitled, bigoted idiot who doesn't actually think things through and that actually makes him both incredibly annoying and very realistic, which actually makes me like him as an antagonist but still makes me let out a exasperated sigh every time he talks. Best part of him is that he's obsessed with going down in history as someone great when, with his actions, he's only going to pass down as the prince who tried to usurp his sister three times and failed the three times, each failure worse than the previous one. Lmao.

[samkerrworshipper]

togetherness | pt.2

part 1. | part 2. | part 3. | part 4. | part 5 |

longawaited and has been sitting in my drafts for weeks now cause i wasn’t quite sure if i liked the direction it’s gone in… but highliting different issues n stuff so i hope y’all enjoy! again i’ve edited this on my phone whilst reading from my kindle lol so not going to lie i’m aware that the editing could be shocking… there’s a few more parts sitting in my drafts so lmk if y’all want more

warnings: child exploitation, themes of sexual assault of minors, just general hurt with protective n supportive tillies

“Now that we’ve settled that, is there anything, anything at all that you’d like to tell me that I could help you with?”

I gulped, there were about six things I could think of just off the top of my head. I was tentative though. I could feel tears starting to form in the back of my eyes as I tried to make the decision in my head.

“No judgement?”

Sam’s immediate nod in response was comforting and apparently enough to get me talking.

“It’s going to sound stupid and I don’t even know what you could do about it considering that I’m probably somewhere in the wrong with it as well.”

Sam looked like a mixture of intrigued and perplexed.

“Y/n, even if I can’t do anything about it, you look like you just need to get it off your chest, I can be that for you as well, just tell me what’s been bothering you so much.”

I sniffled and nodded at Sam, this situation was so abnormally vulnerable for me.

“You know that I was rough around the edges when I got here, I know you haven’t heard the whole story, to put it simply I went through a rough patch when I was 14 and 15, before I got here. I’d just had spine surgery, I thought that I was never going to walk again, let alone play football. I turned to a lot of things, drugs, alcohol, anything. I ran away when I was 14, I don’t remember much of it, just that when I returned home my parents had had enough and they sent me off to the AIS for Tony to train me. Anyways, I’m rambling. Somewhere along the road I sent some explicit videos, photos and texts to my ex boyfriend, graphic ones, there’s a lot of them. He’s been posting them on reddit and twitter and they haven’t gotten any attention yet but with all the media coverage and bad press I’ve had recently I’m worried they are going to be brought up and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Sam’s expression was one thing, completely deflated and shocked. She was typing furiously into her phone whilst she was listening to my story. It took a few minutes of silence for her to reply to me.

“First off I want to start off with telling you how grateful I am for you sharing that information with me, it can’t have been easy and you are incredibly brave for telling me. I’ve got some follow up questions that I need to ask, you don’t have to answer them, I’d just appreciate it if you could try your best, okay?”

I nodded quickly in reply to Sam.

“Okay. How old were you when you sent these videos and how old was your boyfriend at the time?”

“I was 14 or 15, he was in his mid twenties.”

“So that puts him in his late 20s or early 30s right now, if my maths is correct. Did you take these photos and videos or did someone else?”

“I took most of them but he took some.”

Sam nodded at me again.

“Okay based on that question I can tell you that this ex boyfriend of yours is legally in possession of child pornography, that’s an indictable crime. If you want this to well and truly stop then we can go up that path. I want us to talk about this with Tony, it’s ultimately your decision but I think it would be very sensible to take this up with him at the very least. Y/n, you have done absolutely nothing wrong, I need to stress to you how important it is that you understand that. No one is going to blame this on you, because it isn’t your fault, you are a victim of a crime. That isn’t something light. I promise you that I have your best interests in concern when I’m telling you this. I have to ask, have you talked to anyone else about this? Your family? A therapist? A friend? Leah?”

Leah Williamson, my arsenal team captain and my best friend/mom/girlfriend. I shook my head at Sam, I’d wanted to tell Leah, she was the only person I probably trusted enough to tell but I hadn’t seen her in weeks.

“Do you want to talk to someone about it?”

“I was going to talk to Lee about it, eventually. Just with her ACL and us being in different places it didn’t make much sense, plus this stuff is so fucking stupid I didn’t want to bother anyone with it, I’m sorry for bothering you with it, Ellie was right I’m being fucking selfish.”

Sam’s face was unreadable, it was clear she was pretty deep in thought. She sat across from me for a few minutes, in thought, before she stood up and walked around the table, sitting herself down beside me.

“Can I give you a hug?”

I nodded and relaxed a little bit as I felt Sam’s arm snake its way across my shoulders, inevitably bringing me closer to her and into her chest.

“Williamson would want you to tell her, she’ll probably be mad that you didn’t tell her earlier. You are not being a bother to anyone, you have human emotions and this situation you are in is a hard one. You aren't being selfish, you are asking for help, which is a very human thing and you very clearly need it right now, there is nothing wrong with that. Now, how about I call Williamson for you, I’ll see you if you can get down here? I’m going to call Tony down here, I’ll brief him and he’ll help, okay?”

“I don’t want to tell Tony, he’s going to be mad and he’ll probably tell me this kind of behaviour isn’t wanted on his team and then I’ll get sent home.”

I could feel the material of Sam’s jumper that she must have thrown on after training soaking up my tears, that was embarrassing.

“I know you don’t want to, and I can promise you that Tony is going to be nothing but supportive, you’ve done nothing wrong. There is nothing illegal about what you did, now or then. Tony is not going to send you home, I promise. Now, do I need to call Williamson or can you do it?”

Realistically I probably could have, but I really didn’t want to.

“Can you?”

Sam nodded at me immediately, which comforted me a little bit.

“I wouldn’t have offered it if I couldn’t. She should be in Sydney right now to watch the Lionesses play tomorrow night, yeah? I’ll talk to her and we’ll see what we can work out for you. I don’t have her number though, so can you call her on your phone and I’ll talk to her.”

I nodded quickly, shakingly pulling my phone out of my pocket and pushing it out onto the table. I very quickly pulled Leah's contact, I’d called her last night so it wasn’t hard to find. She was the only person in the world that I could talk to when I was at my lowest, the only person who actually cared about me. So last night, whilst I was mid panic attack, on Ellie's and I’s ensuite floor I called her and she’d talked me through it. I should have told her then, it probably would have saved me this whole interaction with Sam, but I hadn’t wanted to worry her anymore, so I blamed it on pressure of being selected to start this week and she’d accepted my answer.

We’d been texting most of the morning, her asking me if I’d gotten sleep and if I was feeling alright, I’d answered shortly with an array of 'yes', because I didn’t want to worry her anymore. I passed the phone over to Sam once I found her phone number and she clicked the call button before pressing the phone up to her ear and standing up from her seat, starting to pace between the seats.

“Hey Leah, this is Sam, Sam Kerr, from the Matildas. Look, I’m here at our Sydney training facility with Y/n, we’ve just had a pretty serious conversation with her about some problems that she’s had recently and I was wondering if you were around so you could be here for her.”

Sam pulled out her own phone again as I assumed she listened to Leah’s response. It amazed me as to how fast her fingers danced across her own screen, it was a different kind of multi tasking.

“Yup, Mmm. Alright, I’ll send you the address, it’s not far from you guys hotel from recollection. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you being able to do this for her, I’ll see you soon and we can talk about it then.”

I gulped as Sam said her farewells and then hung up the phone before walking back over to me.

“She’s coming down, should be here in fifteen or so. She sounded worried about you, mentioned something about you having a panic attack to her on the phone last night and that she was concerned about you. I’ve texted Tony, he’s finishing up with Ellie and then he’s going to be down here. I’m going to get Steph to meet Leah downstairs when she gets here and she’ll bring her up, Y/n, we’re all here to support you however you need, alright?”

Me and Sam stayed silent in the room until about ten minutes later there was a distinct knock against the door.

“Sam, it’s me, unlock the door.”

Steph’s voice was pretty distinct, even through the heavy door. Sam stood up almost immediately, walking to the door and unlocking it before a grumpy looking Steph and a flustered version of Leah made their way through the doorway before Sam had the opportunity to relock it. Leah’s eyes went straight to my own, her whole facial expression was very controlled, she could command an entire room with that face, I knew from experience.

“Are you okay?”

Her words were directed at me, and only me. I pressed my tongue against my front teeth and lip, trying to decide how to answer the question.

“There’s some stuff that’s been happening that I haven’t told you, I’m not in trouble, or at least that’s what Sam is telling me. It’s some stuff from my past, when I was a kid. Explicit images and photos, on the internet, from when I was a kid. They popped up a few weeks ago, starting when I was in Spain with you before we came here. I didn’t bring it up because I thought I was at fault for it as much as the person who has possession of them. Sam told me that it isn’t, that I’ve done nothing wrong. I’m sorry, I know it was fucking stupid and I should have told you about it or not done it, I don’t even remember taking any of the photos or videos, it just happened and now I don’t know what to do because I don’t want it getting out to the public and I just, I don’t know how to deal with it.”

Leah’s face relaxed a little bit as I progressively talked and rambled. Once I was done she walked over to my spot, seated on one of the chairs and wrapped her arms around me.

“Hey, it’s alright, we’re going to sort this out. She’s right, you didn’t do anything wrong and you should have told me earlier but I am so grateful that you are telling me now, yeah? You are so brave kiddo, that’s child exploitation and whoever has possession of those materials is the one who’s in the wrong, okay?”

I nodded into Leah, Steph and Sam were whispering between each other behind us.

“You have to take legal action though.”

Those words made me feel like I’d been stabbed and my guts had been ripped out of my body cavity.

Leah let go of me very gently and pursed her lips.

“Because this isn’t going to go away if you don’t, and I know that you are strong but you aren’t going to be able to live if you know that this person who has possession of these materials is still out there. You’ve been checked out for weeks now, since before Mallorca. You aren’t going to check back into your life until this goes, I know it. I need you checked in, I need you to be my girl, not the skeleton of your own body that you inhabit as a coping mechanism when something bad happens.”

I think Leah would have said more if it wasn’t for the incessant knocking against the door that came again. Sam was the one who went to the door again, letting Tony in. He looked flustered as well, and a little bit worried. I’d known the man since I was 15, he’d seen me in some pretty interesting situations. Sam intercepted him before he could say anything, pulling him aside and giving him what I assumed to be the rundown of the last hour.

“I don’t think I can handle this getting out, it will, if I take legal action this is going to get out and then I’m going to be Y/n Y/l/n, the Matilda’s exploitative rookie and I’ll never be back here. My career will be over, Jonas won’t want me back, everything I've worked for will be done.”

Leah took a deep breath before wrapping her arms around me and working her hands through my scalp and hair.

“If you take legal action you will be supported, I’ll make sure of it. We are a part of a community of women that uplift us for everything you do, this won’t be any different. There will be some who judge, there is always going to be someone there to judge you. Y/n, you need to do this for your sanity, I won’t lose you to your mental health again, not like last year. Kerr has done the right thing here, bringing this up, it shows me that she cares a lot more about you then you think, it also shows me that she knows what’s best for this team and you. She wouldn’t be doing this if she didn’t think this was the best course of action.”

I nodded into Leah, trying to convince myself that her words were correct. Eventually, after Sam had given Tony the full rundown he sat down across from me, exactly where Sam had been beforehand. Sam and Steph both stood behind me and Leah, Sam’s arms resting gently on my shoulders, it was grounding.

“Sam’s told me about what’s happening. First of all I want to say how sorry I am that you are going through this, it’s not something that anyone should have to deal with, ever. Second of all I want to let you know that this team, this whole nation is in support of you. Look, it’s too late for me to take any action now. I’m going to get the police to come down tomorrow morning, you aren’t in trouble. I just think that they are going to have a better understanding of this situation than any of us could. They’ll come down, we’ll have a talk about all of this, they’ll ask the questions they need to. We don’t need to make any decisions now, we’ll talk to them, Sam and I will be there to advocate for you. After that we can make decisions about taking legal action and whatnot. Otherwise I just wanted to tell you genuinely, from the bottom of my heart how much we all care about you and value you here, we are all going to be here for whatever you need in the future, you are a valued part of this team and family and we are all here to look out for your needs, okay?”

I gulped, I could feel fresh tears springing to my eyes again. I was petrified of the police, to say the least, but Tony’s voice was so reassuring. He was the father that I’d never had and when I was 15 and he’d met me I’d been in a bad place, I’d needed him to be that figure in my life and he had been. He gave me a routine, gave me something to wake up for every morning. I probably wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for Tony. He’d given me a chance when no one else had been prepared to and for that I would always be in debt to him for.

“Okay, I’ll get in contact with the police, we’ll get a constable down tomorrow morning and we can have an open conversation with them about it, you are not in trouble, nothing is going to happen that will end in consequences for you. I think though that you need to head back to the hotel and get some proper sleep, your body needs it. So head back, don’t worry about any of this, because I’m going to sort it out and we’ll talk about it in the morning with a clean slate and mindset, alright?”

I nodded at Tony, I didn’t really have much to say.

“Thank you Coach.”

He nodded at me, before standing up and walking around to the other side of the octoval table and giving me a pat on the back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, don’t worry about this anymore, it’s going to be okay. Get back to the hotel, we’ve got an early wakeup tomorrow.”

I nodded at Coach, watching as he left the room just as quickly as he’d entered it.

“I’ve talked to Steph, her and I are rooming together so we’ll switch, she’ll stay with Ellie and you can come and room in with me, I think we’ll keep it that way for the rest of the tournament.”

I looked over at Sam, nodding along with what she was saying. Leah reached her arms around me, a big bear hug.

“And I am here, I expect you to check in with me, at least twice a day. When you guys head off to Melbourne or Brisbane I’m not going to be able to be there, so I need you to stay in contact with me, okay? Anybody does so much as look at you wrong I want to be the first to know, okay?”

I nodded at Leah, half in fear, half in adoration. She was the only person in the world that I actually trusted in. Our bond had been forced, when I’d moved to London to play for Arsenal I’d been moved into the spare room in her apartment and in a very short amount of time we’d created a bond that extended beyond the realm of friendship. I loved her, she was the first person besides Tony to give me a chance and he was obligated to give me on, Leah had chosen to fight for me and to stick by my side even when it wasn’t easy, she was a good person, better than I was sure I’d ever be.

“We’ll drop you back to your hotel on our way home Williamson, it’s the least we could do considering you got here so quickly, can you just give us five minutes to grab our things from the locker room?”

Sam’s voice held no room for argument, she was insisting on giving Leah a ride home and Leah didn’t try to object.

“Please, call me Leah and if it’s no trouble I would really appreciate it. I can meet you guys down in the foyer in about five, I need to go to the loo, so whilst I’m doing that how about you guys go and get your stuff together?”

Sam, Steph and I all walked back down to the change rooms in a comfortable silence. It was when we actually made it back to the rooms that I realised I still had my boots on, the cleats that were spotless from not even getting any wear at training. The cleats that a few hours ago had seemed impossible to tie up. I made quick business of pulling them off of my feet, throwing them into my kit bag and pulling out the pair of Nike dunks that I’d worn in earlier when we’d all come down here for our match analysis. Sam and Steph both made quick work off slipping out of their training kits and changing into sweat pant duos that matched with me. After they’d gotten changed and refreshed we all grabbed our bags and whatever other things we had lying around before making our way down to the foyer.

Leah was waiting for us, tapping her foot violently against the marble floors. When she spotted the three of us out of the corner of her eye her stress ceased almost immediately. I’d learnt a lot about Leah in the amount of time I’d known her. One thing about England’s captain was that she was not as fearless as everyone credited her as being, she put on a brave face, a bloody good one, but she was just as human as everyone else and sometimes it showed, especially when she felt uncomfortable in a situation or she didn’t think she deserved to be where she was. I’d moved in with her initially just before she'd led the Lionesses to their victory at the euro’s, and at the time Leah had been a basket case to be nice. I think that was how we’d bonded, through our similar insecurities of not being good enough to fill the shoes that had been passed down to us.

“C’mon cap, let’s get going.”

Leah smiled at me and nodded. We’d been keeping our relationship under wraps for a few months now. Neither of us were insecure in our situation and we were happy to enjoy our private, happy and blessed life together. Plus we hadn’t really seen much of each other in the past month or so, being caught up with our obligations to our national teams. Leah was also very committed to her rehab and I couldn’t be there for every step of that so we’d spent some time apart. We’d both agreed when the new Arsenal season rolled around that we’d tell the team, but still keep it under wraps from the public for as long as we could. Neither of us were worried about the public finding out, I was out, had been since I was 14. Leah wasn’t officially but she’d also never dated a man and in the eyes of the female soccer world that pretty much means you're gay. It would come out when it did and we were prepared for that to happen.

We walked out to Steph’s car, piling all of our bags in the boot before Sam and Steph slid into the passenger and drivers seats whilst Leah and I both took seats in the backseat. Somewhere along in the drive her hand made its way to my own, resting gently on top of my knee cap. I interlocked our fingers and smiled up at her, this was the part of a secret relationship that I liked, getting moments just between the two of you that only the two of you understood. The sweet nothings. I felt my heart plummet a little bit as we arrived out the front of Leah’s hotel and I realised that I was going to have to say goodbye, potentially for a few more weeks. That was the suckish part of being a professional athlete messing around with another professional athlete, there wasn’t always a timeline on when you’d see each other next, sometimes it was just situational.

I made the call to walk Leah to the door of the hotel, when we got to the doors I gave her a hug, a big, long hug. She hugged me back, tightly. Leah was good at hugs. When we finally had to come apart I looked up at her, with my big green eyes and apparently she couldn’t resist because she reached down and honoured me with a peck. It was nothing more, a small gesture but to me it was everything.

“I love you okay, be safe, text me, call me. I am always here for you, don’t keep me in the dark on things that you think are going to burden me, they aren’t, call your therapist, please.”

I nodded at Leah, she was using her captain's voice with me that she knew I couldn’t refuse.

“When you get back to the hotel I expect you to eat some proper food, not of those bloody granola bars that you insist are nutritional, proper food. Hydrate, at least a litre of water. Sleep, you deserve to sleep, let yourself sleep. Call me in the morning and tell me how you are feeling, okay?”

I gulped and nodded at Leah, an action that I was becoming aware I might have done too much of tonight.

“Love you too, thank you for being here for me.”

“Anytime, I’m only ever one call away, now go home.”

I gave Leah one final look before walking back to the car, closing the door behind me only to be bombarded with googly eyes from the two co captains sitting in the front of the car.

“You and Williamson?”

Sam’s voice was the first one to break the sound barrier, it scared me a little bit.

“Yeah.”

I made it sound like it was a non fact, like every person on the planet knew that I was in the bed sheets of the Lionesses Captain.

“Fuck, I knew it, McCabe owes me fifty quid.”

Steph’s voice was steadier and surprised me a little bit.

“We all had bets, how long have you guys been together?”

“We’ve been dating for 6 or 8 months, fucking around with each other since I joined Arsenal so about a year or so.”

Steph’s eyebrows rose to the top of her forrid, obviously very surprised by my answer.

“You're trying to tell me that you and Lee have just casually been hiding a relationship behind closed doors for months.”

“I mean we’re roommates, it wasn’t that hard to hide, plus we just aren’t rabbits who need to fuck on every surface unlike Sam and fucking Kristie, I’m never going to be able to mentally burn the image of you two getting at it on the pool table after the olympics, that was fucking traumatic.”

Sam’s face had flushed, we constantly brought it up with her. After our bronze loss to the US in the olympics a lot of the team had gone out in celebration with the Americans, what I hadn’t expected to find that night when I’d walked into the room that I thought was the bathroom was Sam eating her secret girlfriend out on the table. It had messed with my brain permanently.

“Hey you're the one who’s always bringing it up, maybe you were secretly into it, secret fantasy between you and Williamson.”

I loudly gagged from my spot in the backseat, extremely displeased by Sam’s imaginative imagery.

“Nobody thinks that Sam, it’s just you and all of your lost brain cells.”

There was something so comfortable about the dynamic between Sam and Steph, something so sisterly and bonded. They were like family, they messed around with each other and pushed each other but they loved each other and the both of them knew that at the end of the day. They might not have been the closest on the team, they weren’t each other's best friends but they were family and that was all that mattered.

“Whatever you say Stephy.”

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - May 14

masking anon, rainbow hearts anon 💜🩷💙🖤❤️🧡🩶💛🤍🤎💚🩵 (new), grounded anon, nonbinary-genderqueer anon, outlet anon, hotline anon (new)

masking anon

Hiya Cas!

Thank you for your reply to the last thing I sent in. I’m not sure if I can tell them about stuff, since it’s not really in their job description, but it’s a nice idea. That sounds weird but it’s just the fact I’ve never told someone about how I’m struggling without the intention to make them laugh unless they were paid to care? Like, teachers, councillors, etc. I’m worried I’ll overstep a boundary. I’ve never been someone’s friend/talked to someone who isn’t like, obligated to talk to me, which is pathetic, I know

Also, in school one of the people I consider my friends/close classmate gave all their friends sitting next to them a kindness shout out (which is a thing we do at my school where we shout out a random person for being kind) but I was sitting right behind them and they said everyone’s name but mind. Also someone else thanked their friend for helping them study math, even though I literally help them daily with the math homework and exercises in class!

My friend is still hung up on a guy she used to like who didn’t like her but then started to kind of like her, and someone I know who I feel is super cool probably finds me annoying because of how slow I am (like, mentally, since I’m pretty sure I’m autistic and makes sarcasm a bit harder for me. He’s quick witted and makes jokes all the time. He visibly gets along with everyone else better but I just think he’a the coolest guy ever and I feel guilty I’m just too stupid to be liked by him)

I feel so bad for being bitter at everyone. I’m about to snap, honestly. I just want to be noticed. I’m running on empty. None of my friends notice or care about how hard I’m trying to help them and be their friend and talk to them, etc.

I feel like no one notices! I mean, I’ve gotten up early to help study with my friends. I always text them for lunch to meet up. I always try to carry conversations, and I know that I’m speaking in hyperboles, and that this isn’t technically all the time but it feels that way

I just want someone to be nice to me and like, appreciate me? Or like, I want someone to be okay with being inconvenienced by me? Like, not need me to take up as little space as possible? Is that too much to ask?

I sound so bitter. I’m sorry. My brain is running at like, a mile a minute and I can’t seem to get my eyes to focus properly or my brain to just, be better

ALSO ALSO, on top of this, I decided to help someone choreograph something by being like, a body in space for a fight scene and the really cool guy was instructed to pull me away from the fight so I wouldn’t die and afterwards, for longer than needed, he kept his hand firmly on my back and like, I know I’m kind of ugly and lanky and stuff, but I felt really flustered??? Yes yes, I know, cognitive dissonance, I know that my self perception can be warped and negative AND that how I feel about myself doesn’t prevent me from being flustered or experiencing “feelings” like that but still! I nearly never get held that gently and consensually?? It’s either my parents giving me a hug without accepting a “no”, or it’s someone at school who I’m too scared to say “no” to and so they just hug me and I hold my breath and bear it.

It felt weird and good BUT I am way too stressed to be thinking about “feelings” when I can barely keep myself sane

Aghhhhh teenage adolescence SUCKS and I HATE it but it’s SOMEHOW SO FUN?? I’m miserable but I wouldn’t trade it for the world

Bleh, anyways, thank you for reading!! 🫶🫶

-masking anon

Hi! <3

It is NOT too much to ask to want to be cared about and loved and desired and prioritized. That's not silly or dramatic, and you don't have to apologize for that!

But I also have to say--AS a teacher, I promise teachers care. We don't get paid a whole lot, so we don't just do this job because of the money. We do it because we care. I bet you a lot that there's at least a few teachers out there that would be willing to listen of you asked them to talk.

I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. But I'm always here to listen <3

___

💜🩷💙🖤❤️🧡🩶💛🤍🤎💚🩵 Rainbow hearts anon

Ok here I try again ig....

Hi!

Wow, it sounds like you have a LOT going on! It seems like you just wanted a space to vent, so I'm going to respond by reminding you: I'm here for you. I think, with all the shit you're going through, you have a right to feel this way, but you don't DESERVE to feel this way. You don't deserve to be going through this. I really hope you have some people in your life you feel comfortable talking to about all this stuff, but if you don't, I'm here and I care. And I CAN sat that as you get older, a lot of this will get easier, I promise <3 And you're not alone <3

----

grounded anon

Hi hon <3

I hope you know that you don't deserve to be treated that way and you are NOT a liar. My mom used to accuse me of lying when I wasn't when I was a kid, and I know how much it messes with you. It makes you feel so fucking insane, and I don't wish that feeling on anyone.

You don't deserve any of this, and I really wish I could do something to help you <3 Please remember I'm here and I care. Also, if she or your grandmother do anything physical to you, remember that reporting it is an option!

___

nonbinary-genderqueer anon

hello nonbinary-genderqueer anon here :))

so i still have like no idea on gender and stuff but i’ve decided that it doesn’t matter and that i do use consistent pronouns and that all that matters

ANYWAY i still feel like im missing/ have missed out on both girlhood and boyhood

my friends as much as i love them are very much play it safe and by the rulebook people (which i am too, don’t get me wrong) so it feels like i can’t have the boyhood of recklessness, but also i don’t have any makeup to do with my woman friends in the mirror and stuff like that

idk if this makes any sense i’m writing this late at night on little sleep but it’s a sort of odd feeling that i don’t know if any other nonbinary/genderfluid people feel of missing out on those moments because you don’t fit into those categories or you’re just trans

Hi!

I definitely think you're not alone with this one. It sucks to feel like you missed out on things other people experienced, whether it's gender-related or otherwise. When you don't feel like you fit into a 'group' it's lonely. And i've heard of a lot of trans people mourning not being able to grow up as their true gender (myself amongst them).

Try to remember though, you can still try to do things you feel you missed out on right now! Sure, it's not the same, but if you want to do stereotypical things boys do when they grow up, do them! Go paintballing or...roll down a hill or whatever. And if you want to go to the store and buy cheap makeup and play with it like little girls often do, go ahead! It's not the same, but a lot of those experiences don't have an age limit, you know?

You also can find friends who DON'T fit those categories. That way you don't feel as pressured to, or like you're missing out on something. Why try to fit in, if you don't want/need to?

Sending love <3

___

outlet anon

Hey Cas, Outlet anon here.

If you're willing to point me in the direction of a couple websites or groups or something, that would be great, just don't take too much time out of your own day. I have one more week of finals then I'll be DONE with classes until August (woo-hoo!), so I'll be able to do my own research next weekend if you don't want to/aren't able to.

Thank you! <3

Hi!

Okay so I don't know what country you're in, but here are a few that seem to be international:

This website lets you search by country

The Trevor Project has a 24/7 chat (or call/text)

This website also has a 24/7 chat if you scroll down (or call/text)

This website also has text, chat, and whatsapp

The only website I've had experience with is the Trevor Project, but remember if you don't like one of these, say goodbye/sign out and contact another! Keep contacting until you find someone helpful!

___

Hotline anon

I had to message a hotline today. I never thought it would come to this

Also, it’s so stupid that a country does not have A SINGLE 24/7 online lifeline. Not even a 9-5 hotline. Not even a call only hotline. What if I didn't know English? What if I didn't know or couldn't use a VPN?? So. Fucking. Stupid.

Anyways I've been a very good boy today and I think I deserve a pat on the head

I am SO proud of you for this and you deserve hugs (if you consent) along with pats on the head. You should be so proud of yourself for reaching out for help <3

Do any of the websites in the ask above this one work? Just incase you ever need one again...

[sleepy-vix]

sorry but i'm gonna be real for a second here

"i wish i lived in the 18th century/the past/ when jane austen was alive" is a stupid sentiment because there was literally so much bad shit in the past (racism, misogyny, sexism, more poverty, homophobia, etc.), and even not considering those extremities they had disadvantages like less medicine, less transport, less hygiene, slower communication, etc etc.

"oh but i don't mean any of the bad stuff, i just want to live in a cottage and wear fancy dress" ???? nobody is stopping you. just because more of our world is being modernised doesn't mean that all of it is. go to the countryside. i promise you there will be a cozy cottage for you to live in. there are fancy gowns for you to buy. you can write with a typewriter and send letters to your lover. nobody is stopping you.

"oh but it should be normalised. i wish more people did it!" why does it matter? if other people feel more comfortable texting (which is, in their defense, much faster) instead of sending a traditional letter then that's their business.

"art and poetry is dying" says the person who's only complaining about it and not actually doing anything to save it (not that it needs to be saved. there is art everywhere, even in science and maths. if you dare to say that art is fading then you're simply not looking hard enough. open your mind, go outside, travel the world. quick note: modern art is still art).

i completely understand the longing for a different and better life, but bro (and i am looking you in the eye and clasping your hands as i say this) the escapism you want is not found in the past. stop dwelling. look forward. wishing to be born in another life is a coward and a lazy person's desire. wishing to make this current life better is an artist's.

[literary-illuminati]

Okay finished the first two books of Memories of Ice

I told the friend who lent me the books that 'the siege of Capustan is about to start' about a hundred pages ago. We haven't gone back to them since, but the next book is actually called Capustan, so I'm hopeful

I, tragically, still don't care about Whiskeyjack even a tiny little bit. Or Paran, really. Erikson seems to have exactly one way to write military commanders you're supposed to like and it does not spark joy.

Though saying that, the boarbros in Capustan are great so far

The more surprising thing is less Kallor seeming like he's going to betray everyone and more why he had joined up in the first place/has stuck around so long

As mentioned, I am trying very hard not to consider the logistics or caloric math the Panion Domain runs on

Lady Envy's level 20 D&D party just massacring their way through one army after another sent to stop them is hilarious, and also as characters they're a delight.

Toc the Younger's last chapter (joining the horde of rabid fanatics through conversing with the Seer and it, uh, ,not going well) reads like the particularly nightmarish bad ending you get for making some spectacularly stupid choice in a visual novel or CYOA book.

[kintatsujo]

"only 1% is so small as to be meaningless" always baffles me like how am I the dyscalculic one who always does the rough math in my head anyway

1% is one out of one hundred

SIX hundred people is considered small for a school

bam, you have at least six people who could fall under that one percent minority

are you saying those six people don't matter? but everyone knows them, there's only six hundred people to know and they're the only redheads or whatever

10% is one out of ten people and yet people still act like that's so few as to be insignificant

why am I the one who's shit at math but I'm the one who knows this is stupid, is this one of those things where being bad at something means you actually bother thinking about it when nobody else does so you end up being better at it instead

[crguang]

violinist au masterpost !! ghuahsdgl i always think annoting music is very personal, since it's just like notes for urself esp if ur doing it with someone else idk, and handwritings together with the doodles on the side. i hated annoting music right before i quit tho. off-topic but ik kafka looks rlly hot while she's tuning her instrument. like she has her head cocked to one side to listen to the note so she can tune it, she's very focused... btw kakfa has a spider tattoo on her rib rage or her hip. idk yet the vision i recieved was unclear. also very hilarious to me that kfr got together 21 years after they first met meanwhile acheswan are hs sweethearts that are still together.

also that kafka fic you released, you need to put a warning. i would die if i was with kafka, i wouldn't be able to handle her w my abandonment issues. like she's not open, she's elusive for no reason, would kms

and the valentines day fic odahgl kafka is always yearning she's so stupid. the last paragraph tho....</3 "nor any desire to be known, to be picked apart without the guarantee of being glued together afterwards. Her feelings have no name and her body rejects their existence within her like unknown bacteria. Despite it all, once in a while, a repressed corner of her mind bears its ugly head and demands that you look at her." like fucckkk. she's so terrible at feelings.

also i'm building my aglaea rn shes v fun but i'm acc considering pulling sunday for her...like she hits 50k max w out sunday buff but i used an assist and she hit 130k like...

dsfhksdh i have more to say about kafka but i'm very tired and i still haven't gotten new sleep meds. but that is (hopefully) happening tmrw. but i did go to the art museum today and i got dim sum. since it was my birthday a little bit ago i should totally buy a kafka print, or a plush perhaps. also am considering buying tickets to hadestown but atp I'll have to spend all of it on the fucking doctor. really glad my midterms got delayed because of a snowstorm tho because i was not ready. anw i think I'll try sleeping but if i can't i'm watching "kafka all scenes 1.0-3.0" and yell abt her ur inbox. if my doctor's appointment doesn't go well you'll see me on the national news tho <3

-🌠

youre so right abt annotating music sheets together being personal… in a sense it represents them approaching their ambitions/dreams together despite them having different notes for themselves on certain parts and its so cute. kafka’s childish doodles ughhh and they all sit in a corner of r’s bedroom somewhere.

i will never disagree that kafka looks hot with a violin in hand… she could be doing anything but her focus is so attractive to me hfjsjsnf ugh i need her so bad. when she blocks out the outside world and focuses on herself and her instrument phewww. also the spider tattoo idea is a yes from me idk if you saw that one art of her as shizuku (? i don’t remember her name) from hxh but she literally has a spider tattoo on her abdomen and its so sexy, so i approve!!!!

in acheswan’s defense they tried so hard to get kfr together as teens but kafka wouldnt listen and r was oblivious as hell bc they couldn’t believe k would ever want them that way so its not their fault they got their high school/lifelong romance while kfr were miserable…… 21 years is insane though i hadnt done that math dhjdkfkg

i had to think for a minute what fic u were referring to but yeah… i love writing about kafka leaving idk what that says about me but her elusive ways are really part of her charm to me in some way hdjfjfmg i would def end my life if she left me but

kafka yearning <3 so subtle yet not. so easily overlooked because of the way she presents herself. so good.

aglaea is very very fun to play but yes you need sunday so she doesnt underperform 😭 50k for her enhanced basic atk is like 1/4 of what she can hit consistently with my sunday and hes not even well built, so i would def recommend pulling for him, i dont think he’s only good for her either so its a nice investment

ahhh im answering this so late but i hope you got new sleeping meds and that you enjoyed your birthday and that you did get the kafka print or plush bc you deserve it and its ok to treat yourself. hope your doctors appointment went well too !!! i’ll be rewatching k’s scenes soon im having withdrawals…

[relax-and-read-on]

Math San, I Gotta Ask For More Of That Primarch planet Swap AU, The Amount Of Imaginations That Is Going Through My Head Is Insane, But Headcanons are enough of you do not want to update, As I Am also Genuinely Interested In The Headcanons as well.

Hello hello!!! I am *slowly* going back into updating my blog again, so!

Primarch planetswap au: HC edition!

Lorgar (From Terra): actually quite close to his father and Malcador. Has the habit of walking into Malcador rooms and face planting on the old man bed to complain, after a hard day of not strangling the high lords.

Angron: On Inwit, he had the disastrous habit of running toward all the giant carnivorous monster. Due to his empath power, he ended with a monstrosity called "Land-Orca" that he treat like a dog as a pet.

Fulgrim of Nuceria: Sign language was actually the primary one in the slave pits, to communicate away from the guards. The system that Fulgrim and his sons use together is different from any other, and quite secretive. He actually started teaching it to Ferrus.

Alpharius Omegon on Chtonia: They were actually homeless, until emp showed up! They never wanted their full identity as two knows to other, as it could have compromise their secret statut of vigilante, fighting back the local gangs.

Magnus of Medusa: Think rocks are tasty, okay? He never quite got over his habit of eating sand, but now it's mostly crystal. Has an actual chart ranking the tastiest ones, and fucking LOVE how tasty fossil are.

Leman of Delivrance: Has yet to fully understand that has wolf dna, and as such fight a lot of his instinct. Insist on touching everyone he consider family, and check on the regular where everyone is, and if they are ok. Always eat last too.

Konrad on Maccrage: when he was a child and having really bad convulsion, his mother gave him a pet ferret (wich used to be common pets for Romans) as some kind of alert animal. Konrad doesn't deal well with food often, so his beloved lil friend (called Regulus) became the fattest, happiest noodle.

Ferrus of Caliban: He actually has a romantic side! He grew up hearing songs of knights and princess, and then ended up becoming a knight himself! And while incredibly chivalrous, the realm of the arts (outside a forge) stay incredibly foreign to him. He does love nowaday harlequin romance novels.

Horus on Nostramo: In spite of having created a rather criminal society, he made extreme effort to make it a true meritocracy. Any street urchin can become a mob enforcer under him... If they navigate properly the treacherous world of the mafia.

Sanguinius of Fenris: He actually is a supremely picky eater, and does not trust 95% of vegetables. He only ate meat until he was found by the Imperium, he's not a goat, why do they keep waving kale at him?!

Lion on Colchis: Fully, 100% aware that the chaos gods are real, and actively pray to them. He has his "religion of the Emperor" that he actually use as a facade, since it annoy Emp so much, he doesn't look into his "true" belief.

Perturabo on Chemos: has actually developed full AI again, but hide it HARD from Emp and the Mechanicus. He like his robots!! He think that they should have rights! Why can't the Imperium be less stupid about this... Vaguely in love with Rogal and his Cool Armours.

Jaghatai on Baal: Became quite the warlord, locally. Was especially curious of the use of radiation, and definitely made some horrible WMD back in the day. Currently falling in line with the Mechanicus, as every vehicules present on Baal was almost holly in their culture.

Rogal of Nocturne: Created some really, REALLY advanced fortification that can, somehow, follow the landscape change. Is pioneering the use of dragon scales mixed with special metals, creating something that might be stronger than ceramite. Does not understand why Perturabo is always hanging around.

Roboute on Barbarus: decided to fight necromancy with fire... Artillery fire, to be exact. He brought the industrial revolution to Barbarus, and has pretty intense plan for terraforming the planet. Hasn't stopped working in.... Approximately 50 years.

Mortarion of Prospero: Like in many of my hc, Morty is intersex. He's lucky to have landed on Prospero, where androgyny is a sign of beauty. He actually like cultivating that appearance, and if asked what his gender is, he usually just reply "mushroom".

Corvus of Chogoris: if it's me, then you bet Corvus is a transwoman lol. She wear traditional mongolian ceremonial outfit as a power move, because *no one* expect her to be able to move this easily in all those heavy clothes.

Vulkan of Olympia: VERY close to all 3 of his siblings! He was never a fighter there, and instead worked hard to promote a democratie and division of power. He still is in contact with all of them, especially Calliphone. She keep teasing him about his possible crush on a certain Oracle...

[sewmice]

"Hey Sewmice, how'd the Tokiya gacha treat you?" BAD

120 pulls and I have nothing to show for it! Not a single UR!!! Which at a 2% rate, is ridiculous!!! I'm washed up on my stats, but I'm pretty sure it's an incredibly low chance to have not gotten a UR by then. Like 8%-9% if I did my math right? Not impossible, but so fucking unlikely. There's a reason why so many games put a 50/50 pity on their 2%'s at 50-100 pulls. SL did 50, right at odds. Genshin has it at 90, right when you hit stupid unlucky territory.

Honestly I could go on a whole rant and am resisting it. I was fine with how the pity worked until now. It's not great. It could be way better. But statistically....you'll probably get the card you want before 200 so it was fine. Because you'll pull a couple URs before then in theory and one of them will probably be what you wanted.

They did not account for the stupid unlucky chance of getting NO URs.

Just....add a 50/50 pity between 50-100 pulls....Let pity carry over maybe? And god raise the amount of tones we can earn.

Maybe then we consider pulling on banners for other boys too! Or our boy's SRs! (Also add more new SRs to banners too. God 1 UR and 1 SR is so annoying)

God I miss everything about Shining Live's rewards and gachas....Aside from having to tier to max cards of course

[spooky-something]

WARNING;

we're about to seriously yap and put out some hot fucking takes about Phantom of the Opera, so if you're sensitive to that/don't wanna hear that, scroll.

We finally finished POTO, and what I can say; hot take; This is a fucking nightmare that just DOESN'T deserve the fame it has. It's awful . /Hj The writing itself is okay, it can be really good at times, but I hate the way it's framed; having Leroux litteraly self insert himself as the narrator, which could've worked, but for me, it just doesn't. It would've been great, had that narrator not litteraly been himself, but because it's him, it not only takes away from the realism he tried to built via this, but also comes ass as SUPER, SUPER annoying at times. The story itself is just cluttered, way too cluttered; the unnecessary details, events, attempts at shifting narratives that could've been better done/explained quickly and more efficiently, it's a lot. Some examples are the "Rat Catcher"; entirely unnecessary additional, why the fuck was he even there (It was so bad, we started cackling mid class because it was so fucking random)???? Or the random "apparition" added, again, for no reason. None of these were mentioned before, nor explained whatsoever; the "apparition" litteraly being wrote off by LEROUX HIMSELF as "something I cannot explain". Which, in my opinion, is extremely stupid. I don't care if it's for the "mystery factor", because, considering there was already far too much going on, and plenty of OTHER mystery elements, adding something just because with no purpose was and IS obnoxious. All it does it make the story you're trying to tell more convoluted, which was exactly what we felt while reading. Yet, the MAIN issue, the characters, and by extension, the message Leroux is so DESPERATELY trying to convey with them. I am going to say the hottest fucking take known to man; I fucking DESPISE Erik, and litteraly, ONLY kept reading because of the fact I knew he'd die at the end, and I wanted that satisfaction (was so disappointed his death was so vague and lame...). I understand why people can feel bad, at least, PARTIALLY, but the amount of fucking love and DEFENDING I see for him is ACTUALLY INSANE. Erik is

A. A fucking murderer

B. A stalker

C. An abuser

D. A manipulator (And, gaslighter, by extension)

E. A thief

F. An (ALMOST) terrorist (litteraly tried to blow up the entire opera)

G. A liar

H. A kidnapper

And

I (This stands for:). An incel (This one's more of a "joke", as the rest are all litteraly book canon, but he is literally an incel; he checks all the boxes), and yet, people out pour him with support; the amount of apologists is crazy. I've even seen people compare him to THE CREATURE (Frankenstein) which is just NOT CORRECT AT ALL???? They have similarities, yeah, but the amount of differences is insane.

1. Erik is a litteral millionaire (Yeah, I did the math for the amount of francs he got then for American dollars, now, and it was at LEAST, like 2 million...)

2. Erik IS human, biologically; yeah, he was treated differently, but he still had the COMFORT of knowing he was a human, that he was, in at least some form compared to the Creature "natural"

3. Erik was raised by his family (yes, they were abusive, and I'm not saying they weren't, but he HAD PARENTS, AND AN EDUCATION; I think, idar if he was educated or not, but my point still stands: he had a family)

4. Erik, despite the novel trying so hard to say otherwise, was HIGHLY respected; HE LITERALLY WORKED WITH ROYALTY????

5. Erik HAD FRIENDS???? Once more, not only did he work with royalty, he had the Persian/Daroga, which, again, despite how much the novel tries to say otherwise, was very clearly a friend; very clearly someone who DID care about him (if he didn't, why would he save his life even AFTER LITTERALY TORTURING PEOPLE???)

6. Erik, AGAIN, is denied humanity nearly as much as it's painted; he litteraly mentions how he wanted to be normal, and so, applied for a normal ass construction job at the Opera, AND GOT IT NO QUESTIONS ASKED???