#nonbinary-genderqueer anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - May 14

masking anon, rainbow hearts anon 💜🩷💙🖤❤️🧡🩶💛🤍🤎💚🩵 (new), grounded anon, nonbinary-genderqueer anon, outlet anon, hotline anon (new)

masking anon

Hiya Cas!

Thank you for your reply to the last thing I sent in. I’m not sure if I can tell them about stuff, since it’s not really in their job description, but it’s a nice idea. That sounds weird but it’s just the fact I’ve never told someone about how I’m struggling without the intention to make them laugh unless they were paid to care? Like, teachers, councillors, etc. I’m worried I’ll overstep a boundary. I’ve never been someone’s friend/talked to someone who isn’t like, obligated to talk to me, which is pathetic, I know

Also, in school one of the people I consider my friends/close classmate gave all their friends sitting next to them a kindness shout out (which is a thing we do at my school where we shout out a random person for being kind) but I was sitting right behind them and they said everyone’s name but mind. Also someone else thanked their friend for helping them study math, even though I literally help them daily with the math homework and exercises in class!

My friend is still hung up on a guy she used to like who didn’t like her but then started to kind of like her, and someone I know who I feel is super cool probably finds me annoying because of how slow I am (like, mentally, since I’m pretty sure I’m autistic and makes sarcasm a bit harder for me. He’s quick witted and makes jokes all the time. He visibly gets along with everyone else better but I just think he’a the coolest guy ever and I feel guilty I’m just too stupid to be liked by him)

I feel so bad for being bitter at everyone. I’m about to snap, honestly. I just want to be noticed. I’m running on empty. None of my friends notice or care about how hard I’m trying to help them and be their friend and talk to them, etc.

I feel like no one notices! I mean, I’ve gotten up early to help study with my friends. I always text them for lunch to meet up. I always try to carry conversations, and I know that I’m speaking in hyperboles, and that this isn’t technically all the time but it feels that way

I just want someone to be nice to me and like, appreciate me? Or like, I want someone to be okay with being inconvenienced by me? Like, not need me to take up as little space as possible? Is that too much to ask?

I sound so bitter. I’m sorry. My brain is running at like, a mile a minute and I can’t seem to get my eyes to focus properly or my brain to just, be better

ALSO ALSO, on top of this, I decided to help someone choreograph something by being like, a body in space for a fight scene and the really cool guy was instructed to pull me away from the fight so I wouldn’t die and afterwards, for longer than needed, he kept his hand firmly on my back and like, I know I’m kind of ugly and lanky and stuff, but I felt really flustered??? Yes yes, I know, cognitive dissonance, I know that my self perception can be warped and negative AND that how I feel about myself doesn’t prevent me from being flustered or experiencing “feelings” like that but still! I nearly never get held that gently and consensually?? It’s either my parents giving me a hug without accepting a “no”, or it’s someone at school who I’m too scared to say “no” to and so they just hug me and I hold my breath and bear it.

It felt weird and good BUT I am way too stressed to be thinking about “feelings” when I can barely keep myself sane

Aghhhhh teenage adolescence SUCKS and I HATE it but it’s SOMEHOW SO FUN?? I’m miserable but I wouldn’t trade it for the world

Bleh, anyways, thank you for reading!! 🫶🫶

-masking anon

Hi! <3

It is NOT too much to ask to want to be cared about and loved and desired and prioritized. That's not silly or dramatic, and you don't have to apologize for that!

But I also have to say--AS a teacher, I promise teachers care. We don't get paid a whole lot, so we don't just do this job because of the money. We do it because we care. I bet you a lot that there's at least a few teachers out there that would be willing to listen of you asked them to talk.

I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. But I'm always here to listen <3

___

💜🩷💙🖤❤️🧡🩶💛🤍🤎💚🩵 Rainbow hearts anon

Ok here I try again ig....

Hi!

Wow, it sounds like you have a LOT going on! It seems like you just wanted a space to vent, so I'm going to respond by reminding you: I'm here for you. I think, with all the shit you're going through, you have a right to feel this way, but you don't DESERVE to feel this way. You don't deserve to be going through this. I really hope you have some people in your life you feel comfortable talking to about all this stuff, but if you don't, I'm here and I care. And I CAN sat that as you get older, a lot of this will get easier, I promise <3 And you're not alone <3

----

grounded anon

Hi hon <3

I hope you know that you don't deserve to be treated that way and you are NOT a liar. My mom used to accuse me of lying when I wasn't when I was a kid, and I know how much it messes with you. It makes you feel so fucking insane, and I don't wish that feeling on anyone.

You don't deserve any of this, and I really wish I could do something to help you <3 Please remember I'm here and I care. Also, if she or your grandmother do anything physical to you, remember that reporting it is an option!

___

nonbinary-genderqueer anon

hello nonbinary-genderqueer anon here :))

so i still have like no idea on gender and stuff but i’ve decided that it doesn’t matter and that i do use consistent pronouns and that all that matters

ANYWAY i still feel like im missing/ have missed out on both girlhood and boyhood

my friends as much as i love them are very much play it safe and by the rulebook people (which i am too, don’t get me wrong) so it feels like i can’t have the boyhood of recklessness, but also i don’t have any makeup to do with my woman friends in the mirror and stuff like that

idk if this makes any sense i’m writing this late at night on little sleep but it’s a sort of odd feeling that i don’t know if any other nonbinary/genderfluid people feel of missing out on those moments because you don’t fit into those categories or you’re just trans

Hi!

I definitely think you're not alone with this one. It sucks to feel like you missed out on things other people experienced, whether it's gender-related or otherwise. When you don't feel like you fit into a 'group' it's lonely. And i've heard of a lot of trans people mourning not being able to grow up as their true gender (myself amongst them).

Try to remember though, you can still try to do things you feel you missed out on right now! Sure, it's not the same, but if you want to do stereotypical things boys do when they grow up, do them! Go paintballing or...roll down a hill or whatever. And if you want to go to the store and buy cheap makeup and play with it like little girls often do, go ahead! It's not the same, but a lot of those experiences don't have an age limit, you know?

You also can find friends who DON'T fit those categories. That way you don't feel as pressured to, or like you're missing out on something. Why try to fit in, if you don't want/need to?

Sending love <3

___

outlet anon

Hey Cas, Outlet anon here.

If you're willing to point me in the direction of a couple websites or groups or something, that would be great, just don't take too much time out of your own day. I have one more week of finals then I'll be DONE with classes until August (woo-hoo!), so I'll be able to do my own research next weekend if you don't want to/aren't able to.

Thank you! <3

Hi!

Okay so I don't know what country you're in, but here are a few that seem to be international:

This website lets you search by country

The Trevor Project has a 24/7 chat (or call/text)

This website also has a 24/7 chat if you scroll down (or call/text)

This website also has text, chat, and whatsapp

The only website I've had experience with is the Trevor Project, but remember if you don't like one of these, say goodbye/sign out and contact another! Keep contacting until you find someone helpful!

___

Hotline anon

I had to message a hotline today. I never thought it would come to this

Also, it’s so stupid that a country does not have A SINGLE 24/7 online lifeline. Not even a 9-5 hotline. Not even a call only hotline. What if I didn't know English? What if I didn't know or couldn't use a VPN?? So. Fucking. Stupid.

Anyways I've been a very good boy today and I think I deserve a pat on the head

I am SO proud of you for this and you deserve hugs (if you consent) along with pats on the head. You should be so proud of yourself for reaching out for help <3

Do any of the websites in the ask above this one work? Just incase you ever need one again...

[tumbler-polls]

[genderoftoday]

Today's gender is being told you're not trans enough to reblog gender of the day posts even though you are gender non-conforming

ㅤ

[yourfaveisintersex]

Hitoshi Shinsō from My Hero Academia / Boku no Hero Academia is an intersex aromantic genderqueer boy who uses he/she pronouns, and his variation is Aromatase Deficiency!

Intersex flag-only edits under the cut!

[nonbinarypolls]

Nonbinary people, if you are in a relationship and wish to be labeled, which label do you prefer?

Boyfriend, AMAB

Girlfriend, AMAB

Partner, AMAB

Boyfriend, AFAB

Girlfriend, AFAB

Partner, AFAB

Boyfriend, Other

Girlfriend, Other

Partner, Other

Other

Non-partnering or qpr holder

See Results

*This includes anyone who does not fall into the binary of "always, wholly, and exclusively male" or "always, wholly, and exclusively female," even if they don't necessarily identify with the nonbinary label specifically.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

**I changed "Non-partnering or qpr holder" to "N/A" because people in queerplatonic relationships may or may not use terms like partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc.

N/A covers anyone who wouldn't use these terms for any reason, such as being non-partnering, being queerplatonically partnering and not using traditionally romantic labels, etc.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

I edited the poll slightly to try to be a bit more all-encompassing and easy to understand. I also tried to make the poll inclusive to people who are not currently partnered, but are interested in or open to partnership. I hope you don't mind!

[trans-butch-culture-is]

Trans butch culture is deep in my soul desiring a buzzcut but knowing I’d stop passing if I got it because my current hairstyle is carrying me and feeling utterly inescapably shackled by gender norms because of it :/

Trans butch culture is...

[queersekai]

could u do nene with azurgirl, nonbinary genderqueer, genderflux, aroace, and mergender? tysm

[gender-jargon]

Does maverique have anything to do with gendermaverick?

Hey anon, thanks for sending me your question. :-)

So, the answer to your question is a bit complicated. The words have an intertwined history, but they ultimately are distinct.

Below, I will talk about the history of each term and then compare and contrast them at the end of the post.

Let's start with a timeline of the two terms.

[Image ID: an image of a timeline of the terms "maverique" and "gendermaverick". The image includes a centered, wavy line with 8 points that are colored in a rainbow gradient from orange to green corresponding to a section of text for each event plotted on the timeline. The image reads: "5/31/2014 - coining of maverique. The term "maverique", created by Vesper, made it's official debut with the first iteration of it's definition. 06/15/2014 -first reworking of maverique definition. Vesper does the first reworking of the definition of maverique and created a maverique pride flag. 06/16/2014 - Haxaaya Proposes a Variant: Gendermaverick. Tumblr user Haxaaya contacts Vesper regarding the proposal of the term "gendermaverick", a gender that draws from both maverique and genderfuck experiences. 06/18/2014 - first definition of gendermaverick. The first iteration of the "gendermaverick" definition is posted by Haxaaya. Vesper responds with feed back, articulating a lack of similarity between terms. 06/18/2014 - first reworking of gendermaverick definition. Follow Vesper's feedback, Haxaaya attempted to refine the term and posted a revised definition. 06/21/2014 - final iteration of maverique's definition. Vesper posted the final revision of their term, "maverique". 07/06/2014 - final iteration of gendermaverick's definition. Haxaaya posted the final revision of the definition of their term, "gendermaverick", including both a formal and simplified definition. 07/08/2014 - gendermaverick pride flag created. Haxaaya created a gendermaverick pride flag, which was submitted to tumblr blog Pride-Flags-For-Us." In the bottom right corner, the image reads: "Graphic by Gent (Gneder-Jargon)". ./. End ID]

History of The Term Maverique

[PT: History of The Term Maverique ./. End PT]

"Maverique" was coined by Vesper on their blog, Queer As Cat (link) [PT: Queer As Cat ./. End PT] , back in 2014. It appears that it's definition has been rewritten by Vesper three different times while they tried to find the correct wording.

Their first iteration (link) [PT: first iteration ./. End PT] of Maverique was:

a non-binary gender characterized by an  unconventional and unothodox internal sense of self and the interrelationship between that sense of self and society. maveriques feel no connection with concepts of femininity or masculinity, but instead feel a sense of gender which is completely independent of conventional ideas of gender; a sense of gender which is entirely its own. a maverique’s sense of gender is strong, leaving little room for apathy or neutrality. there is no middle ground, as maverique is a point between nothing. there is no gray area, as maverique is not a shade on a palette. maveriques are mavericks, plain and simple, but please– don’t forget the “-ique”.

[PT: a non-binary gender characterized by an unconventional and unothodox internal sense of self and the interrelationship between that sense of self and society. maveriques feel no connection with concepts of femininity or masculinity, but instead feel a sense of gender which is completely independent of conventional ideas of gender; a sense of gender which is entirely its own. a maverique’s sense of gender is strong, leaving little room for apathy or neutrality. there is no middle ground, as maverique is a point between nothing. there is no gray area, as maverique is not a shade on a palette. maveriques are mavericks, plain and simple, but please– don’t forget the “-ique”. ./. End PT]

This first definition can be summed up as:

a non-binary gender identity that is not connected to femininity, masculinity or neutrality (atrinary).

a strong, specific sense of gender that is definitively not apathetic or neutral.

a distinct quality, not being between any other genders or vague/unclear in nature.

conceptually nonconformist (unorthodox), existing out of the bounds of cultural norms (unconventional).

definitively involving the dynamic of one's maverique gender and how it is functions in greater society and within oneself

[PT: a non-binary gender identity that is not connected to femininity, masculinity or neutrality (atrinary).a strong, specific sense of gender that is definitively not apathetic or neutral.a distinct quality, not being between any other genders or vague/unclear in nature.conceptually nonconformist (unorthodox), existing out of the bounds of cultural norms (unconventional).definitively involving the dynamic of one's maverique gender and how it is functions in greater society. ./. End PT]

The second iteration (link) [PT: second iteration ./. End ID] of the definition was:

a non-binary gender characterized by autonomy and inner conviction regarding a sense of gender which is unorthodox, unconventional and entirely independent of conventional concepts of gender.

[PT: a non-binary gender characterized by autonomy and inner conviction regarding a sense of gender which is unorthodox, unconventional and entirely independent of conventional concepts of gender. ./. End PT]

This second definition can be summed up as:

an autonomous gender identity held with a sense of conviction.

Separate from existing conventional concepts of gender (atrinary).

conceptually nonconformist (unorthodox), existing out of the bounds of cultural norms (unconventional).

[PT: an autonomous gender identity held with a sense of conviction. Separate from existing conventional concepts of gender (atrinary). conceptually nonconformist (unorthodox), existing out of the bounds of cultural norms (unconventional). ./. End ID]

The third (and last) iteration (link) [PT: third (and last) iteration ./. End PT] of the definition is:

a gender characterized by autonomy and inner conviction regarding a sense of self that is entirely independent of male/masculinity, female/femininity or anything which derives from the two while still being neither without gender nor of a neutral gender.

[PT: a gender characterized by autonomy and inner conviction regarding a sense of self that is entirely independent of male/masculinity, female/femininity or anything which derives from the two while still being neither without gender nor of a neutral gender. ./. End ID]

This current definition can be summed up as:

an autonomous gender identity held with a sense of conviction.

a specific, atrinary gender identity.

[PT: an autonomous gender identity held with a sense of conviction. a specific, atrinary gender identity. ./. End ID]

History of The Term Gendermaverick

[PT: History of The Term Gendermaverick ./. End PT]

Approximately 2 weeks after the coining of the term "Maverique", user Haxaaya contacted Vesper to propose a related term (link) [PT: propose a related term ./. End PT] to Maverique called "Gendermaverick".

The definition for Gendermaverick (link) [PT: definition for Gendermaverick ./. End PT] is as follows:

Gendermaverick: a non-traditional (and non-binary) gender experience characterized by both the innate sense of disconnect and independence from binary gender and the intent to subvert society’s expectations of gender. (See also: maverique and genderpunk/genderf*ck)

[PT: Gendermaverick: a non-traditional (and non-binary) gender experience characterized by both the innate sense of disconnect and independence from binary gender and the intent to subvert society's expectations of gender. (See also: maverique and genderpunk/genderf*ck) ./. End PT]

This definition can be summed up as:

a non-binary gender that is non-traditional and subversive.

a gender identity involving a sense of disidentification and sovereignty from the gender binary.

[PT: a non-binary gender that is non-traditional and subversive. a gender identity involving a sense of disidentification and sovereignty from the gender binary. ./. End PT]

According to the coiner of Gendermaverick, the term was intended to be the same as Maverique, but with an added element of "deliberate and direct intent to challenge gender expectations".

Vesper provided feedback, stating that gendermaverick (using the quoted definition above) and maverique have little in common, as maverique isn't an active type of genderfuckery nor does it involve a sense of disconnection from binary gender. Explaining, rather, that maverique is a specific, autonomous atrinary identity that involves an innate inner conviction of their gender in the face of how their outherine identity is deemed deviant/anomalous by society at large and how that is internalized by the individual themselves.

Not long after, the definition for Gendermaverick was redefined by the coiner (link) [PT: the definition for Gendermaverick was redefined by the coiner. ./. End PT]:

Gendermaverick: a distinctly unorthodox (and non-binary) gender experience characterized by a self-determined and autonomous sense of anomalous disconnect and/or independence from traditional binary gender. Furthermore, gendermaverick is an identity undertaken/used with the intention of deliberate subversion of society’s sense of binary gender. (See also: maverique and genderpunk/genderf*ck)

[PT: Gendermaverick: a distinctly unorthodox (and non-binary) gender experience characterized by a self-determined and autonomous sense of anomalous disconnect and/or independence from traditional binary gender. Furthermore, gendermaverick is an identity undertaken/used with the intention of deliberate subversion of society’s sense of binary gender. (See also: maverique and genderpunk/genderf*ck) ./. End PT]

This second revision summed up is:

A non-binary gender that is conceptually nonconformist (unorthodox).

A gender identity that is autonomous in nature (AUIN) and self-determined.

A gender identity involving a sense of disidentification and sovereignty from the gender binary.

A gender that is non-traditional and subversive with regards to the gender binary.

[PT: A non-binary gender that is conceptually nonconformist (unorthodox). A gender identity that is autonomous in nature (AUIN) and self-determined. A gender identity involving a sense of disidentification and sovereignty from the gender binary.a gender that is non-traditional and subversive with regards to the gender binary. ./. End PT]

The last formal definition given by the coiner (link) [PT:last formal definition given by the coiner ./. End PT] was:

Gendermaverick (dictionary version): an unorthodox gender experience characterized by a self-determined sense of anomalous disconnect from binary gender, often combined with the intention to subvert conventional notions of binary gender (see also: maverique and genderpunk) Gendermaverick (understandable version): a non-traditional gender that you decide the meaning of for yourself, but which is definitely disconnected from binary gender (i.e. man or woman). it can be also be thought of as a gender that intends to mess with society’s notions of a binary gender. (similar concepts are maverique and genderpunk)

[PT: Gendermaverick (dictionary version): an unorthodox gender experience characterized by a self-determined sense of anomalous disconnect from binary gender, often combined with the intention to subvert conventional notions of binary gender (see also: maverique and genderpunk). Gendermaverick (understandable version): a non-traditional gender that you decide the meaning of for yourself, but which is definitely disconnected from binary gender (i.e. man or woman). it can be also be thought of as a gender that intends to mess with society’s notions of a binary gender. (similar concepts are maverique and genderpunk) ./. End PT]

The coiner, in an anonymous ask, also described Gendermaverick as, "a deliberately unorthodox/anomalous non-binary gender".

The most recent revision can be summed up as:

a non-binary gender that is conceptually nonconformist (unorthodox).

a gender identity that is self-determined.

a feeling of inconsistency and/or deviance coupled with a disconnected from the gender binary.

a gender that is non-traditional and subversive with regards to the gender binary.

additionally, related to self-definition and genderfuckery.

[PT: a non-binary gender that is conceptually nonconformist (unorthodox). a gender identity that is self-determined. a feeling of inconsistency and/or deviance coupled with a disconnected from the gender binary. a gender that is non-traditional and subversive with regards to the gender binary. additionally, it is related to self-definition and genderfuckery. ./. End PT]

Comparing & Contrasting Maverique With Gendermaverick

[PT: Comparing & Contrasting Maverique With Gendermaverick ./. End PT]

After reviewing all this information, I have developed an interpretation of the terms Maverique and Gendermaverick. I am Neutrois, not Maverique or Gendermaverick, so I am not speaking from any sort of personal experience, but rather making sense of and summarizing what I found from both coiners in regards to the respective terms they coined. If a Maverique and/or Gendermaverick individual has insight to provide, I would love to hear from them.

Maverique is:

a distinct, specific atrinary (ATRIN) gender that is autonomous in nature (AUIN).

not a lack of gender (AGIN) , vague (VAIN), neutral/neutrine (NIN/NEUIN) nor apathetic (APIN).

not located between any other gender or group of genders.

a gender involving a sense of conviction regarding one's sense of self that is unorthodox and unconventional in it's concept and internalization.

[PT: a distinct, specific atrinary gender that is autonomous in nature (AUIN). not a lack of gender (AGIN) , vague (VAIN), neutral/neutrine (NIN/NEUIN) nor apathetic (APIN). a gender involving a sense of conviction regarding one's sense of self that is unorthodox and unconventional in it's concept and internalization. ./. End PT]

Gendermaverick is:

an autonomous (AUIN, abinary (ABIN) gender involving an anomalous disconnect (WIN) from the gender binary.

gender non-conforming (GENOIN), subversive, non-traditional and/or unorthodox in it's nature.

[PT: an autonomous (AUIN, abinary (ABIN) gender involving an anomalous disconnect (WIN) from the gender binary. gender non-conforming (GENOIN), subversive, non-traditional and/or unorthodox in it's nature. ./. end PT]

Both maverique and gendermaverick are:

abinary (ABIN) gender identities.

autonomous in nature (AUIN).

genders that challenge the existing paradigm of the gender binary and it's derivative identities in some way.

[PT: abinary (ABIN) gender identities. autonomous in nature (AUIN). genders that challenge the existing paradigm of the gender binary and it's derivative identities in some way. ./. End PT]

Maverique and gendermaverick differ in that:

maverique is definitively atrinary (ATRIN), whereas gendermaverick is described as abinary (ABIN), but not specified as atrinary.

maverique definitively involves a sense of conviction regarding one's sense of self, gendremaverick does not.

gendermaverick definitively involves gendrfuckery and/or gender non-conformity, maverique does not.

gendermaverick involves an innate disconnection from the gender binary, maverique does not.

[PT: maverique is definitively atrinary (ATRIN), whereas gendermaverick is described as abinary (ABIN), but not specified as atrinary. maverique definitively involves a sense of conviction regarding one's sense of self, gendremaverick does not. gendermaverick definitively involves gendrfuckery and/or gender non-conformity, maverique does not. gendermaverick involves an innate disconnection from the gender binary, maverique does not. ./. End PT]

Ultimately, Maverique and Gendermaverick are pretty different from each other. Aside from the similarities listed above and an intertwined etymology, they are not all that alike.

TLDR;

Maverique was coined by Vesper. Not long after this coining, tumblr user Haxaaya created the term "Gendermaverick", articulating that it was near identical to Maverique, with the added characteristic of being deliberate and direct in it's intent to challenge gender expectations. As each coiner elaborated on their respective terms, it became apparent that the terms were distinct. Aside from both genders being abinary and subversive in some sense, they both are both different experiences. Their etymology and early history are enmeshed, but ultimately, each identity are notably distinct in concept.

-- Gent

[PT: -- Gent ./. End PT]

[loucifersbitch]

what was the first time (that you remember) someone referred to you as pronouns other than what you were "assigned"? how did it feel?

oooh this is a great question because i haven't actually thought about it until now 😂

i'm pretty sure the first time i was ever referred to as 'they', i was 25 or 26. i had just come out to some online friends as nonbinary, so they were trying out different pronouns for me. i'd never felt gender euphoria until that moment

that was also about the same time i really started to lean into being more masc - chopped off my very long hair, stopped wearing makeup entirely, started binding my chest, wore only 'mens' clothing. now at 31, i feel like my gender has kind of leveled out, so to speak. i'm still pretty heavily on the masc side, but i no longer feel dysphoric about makeup or jewelry or painting my nails or gender labels or even what pronouns someone uses for me. i just embrace what i enjoy and try not to worry what others will think (even though this is still a daily battle lol)

you didn't ask for that last bit but you got it anyway because i never know when to shut up 🙃 and thank you so much for asking

[that-ineffable-devil]

I really like your post about what Good Omens mean in terms of representing queer middle aged people. Seeing that representation means a lot to me too as a twenty year old.

Seeing queer people in their 50s shows me a future I have trouble imagining for myself.

It shows me people my parents age who I'm used to getting begrudging acceptance or rejection from at best, and they're like me. Part of my community.

It showed me straight older allies who accept us unconditionally and it showed me that this isn't a gen z thing or a phase, it's a human thing.

It's part of humanity.

I can't even write down all the things it means.

I'm so glad my words resonated with you (and many others, apparently!!), and it has been so wonderful seeing the outpouring of love and support for the same sentiment and the representation in Good Omens. 🖤

Like you, I've always had trouble envisioning a future for myself--in fact, I was so convinced I wouldn't survive to 18 that I had made no plans for life after high school! Big mistake lol. But when I was a kid growing up in a tiny one-stoplight-town in the southern U.S., there weren't any people like me in my life. Or even in media, really, except as a joke. I was so different from everything and everyone I knew that I couldn't imagine life beyond the boundaries of that place.

I can only wonder how differently things may have turned out if I'd had something like Good Omens--representation that normalizes instead of exploits or vilifies.

And you're absolutely right that seeing older cis and straight allies fully and genuinely supporting our community is so, so important. Maybe just as important as seeing older queers out living their best lives, because it shows that not only can we survive and be happy, but we don't have to do it alone or in isolation from the rest of the world.

That's one of the scariest things, I think, especially if you grow up in a country or even just a city or state that is openly hostile towards people like us. It's not just the fear of violence, but the fear that nobody will step in to help you or offer you support when you need it. Because sometimes finding community in real life is much harder than it is online. And when cisgender heterosexual folks see their peers and heroes supporting our community, we can only hope it inspires them to be allies, too. 🖤

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - April 24

drinking anon (new), crochet anon (new), text anon (new), pestered anon (new), nonbinary-genderqueer anon (new)

drinking anon

Want to vent.

Sorry.

Going to a party that involves drinking.

(The rest is redacted)

Hi <3

Um first of all...you are NOT stupid. at all. Like...no. Nope. Not stupid, and this is not your fault. And the way they reacted? That's fucking disgusting. I'm so furious for you, and you deserved so much better. I'm SO unbelievably sorry that happened and that you didn't get proper support because that is NOT okay. I'm so mad, and you're allowed to be mad, too.

___

crochet anon

I get if this isn’t easy to answer so I apologise for that but I’m trying anyway

You mentioned that your wife knows how to crochet and I’ve just started learning so I was wondering if she had any advice? I’m currently attempting to make a baby blanket out of some granny squares but I am struggling to get them all right

Any tips and/or tricks are welcome here

Hi!

Please don't apologize!

Every time I look at this inbox, I'm not with my wife lol. Can you DM me to remind me to ask her when I'm with her? I just only do anon asks once a day and I've been doing them while she's at work, so that's not helpful to you...

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text anon

hi cas!! hope you’re doing okay!

can you maybe help me?

my friend likes to text alot with her online friends, and in english in general (second language of ours)but when i try texting her we can never have a lasting conversation, she never contributes to it somehow and never talks about herself:( she responds with really short answers or stickers

and irl, we talk so much and shes genuinely my favorite person to be around and she does like to talk about herself- just a different person but we get eachother so well

but i feel like texting is really an important part of our lives and she likes to talk alot about her texts with other people and that makes me jealous because i don’t understand what im doing wrong

do you think theres a way we can get closer in that way? because irl were really close

do you think her online friends just really LOVE to talk about themself so they can carry a conversation or she just doesn’t like me?

sorry if it doesn’t make sense i hope you have a lovely day/night<3

Hi!

Okay so I think it's important to know that people have different relationships with different people. Like for example, I talk with some people a lot about fandom, and others about real life stuff. It doesn't mean I care about one over the other, it's just different. So it could be that she just has a different bond with those people.

BUT maybe you could see what she's walking with those people about? Maybe it's something she's interested in that you could learn about? A game, or a fandom, or something like that? Like ask her, you know? See if it's something you can bond over?

But remember that odds are, there are things she goes to YOU for that she doesn't go to those other people for. <3

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pestered anon

I didn't want to cry on my birthday but here I am and it's not even for a good reason other than my sister not stopping pestering me when she was to oblivious to notice I was ignoring her purposefully because I was trying not to scream at her but ended up doing it anyway because she wouldn't fucking stop and my mum won't let me play music I like even though as I mentioned before its my birthday

Hi <3

I'm so sorry, I know it sucks to feel like people aren't making you feel special on your birthday. You deserve to feel loved on your special day. I really hope you were able to have some good moments, and I'm wishing you a belated happy birthday!

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nonbinary-genderqueer anon

Hello!

So I somewhat recent found out that I’m not a trans man but like… nonbinary-genderqueer area.

But I don’t know if i’m genderfluid or not?

My pronouns stay the same always, BUT my gender expression doesn’t.

Some days I want to dress more fem, and some days more masc, some days I want to put on makeup and some days I don’t

I still though want people to use the same pronouns for me

Idk if this makes me genderfluid or not if you have any more information on this pls help

Hi!

I mean, genderfluid means that you feel your actual gender changes. Like you feel more like one gender sometimes, another gender sometimes, maybe even a third gender or fourth gender sometimes. Your expression may or may not match that. Some genderfluid people change pronouns, some don't.

But really...it's your choice if you identify as genderfluid, you know? I can't choose for you. Whatever feels safe and right for you, you should do!

[barbthebuilder]

Any tips on accepting gender fluidity? Ik i am but i keep trying to make myself fit the binary and i get so confused when my gender just ~shifts~

Great question anon! Thank you for reaching out :)

Our brains have this tricky mechanism that associates visuals, sounds and even smells with either femininity or masculinity. Pink, sweet perfume, high piched voice is a "girly" thing and darker shades, deodorant smell, deep voice - that "manly". It's mostly determined by our enviroment and how we were taught in our childhood. Now, it's hard to reprogram and convince our brains to stop segregatting others and ourselves in a binary way.

In that case it's good to think about how the brain was taught that in the first place. The answer is: observing.

If you surround yourself with people who challenge gender standarts you will start thinking differently. How to do that you ask? Internet is a wonderful tool for that for sure! For me it was tiktok, for you it may be tumblr or other social media. I recommend seeking out some queer social media creators (models, youtubers, bloggers etc.).

I dunno. Looking at women with beards and men with boobs helped me understand people come in different shapes.

What helped me was also surrounding myself in queerness in general. Books, movies, tv series (that aren't even canonicaly queer but could be interpreted that way) empowered me. Finding songs about different gender expressions, trying out pronouns in a safe enviroment (there are many lgbtq+ discord servers with special channels for that). Also! Shopping and trying out different outfits even just for fun!! Make up is another great way to experiment.

Another thing that helped me was addressing myself as genderfluid in my thoughts, using correct pronouns and giving myself affirmations. "I'm such a cool genderfluid", "feeling like a pretty boy today" etc. Changing your mindset is important! You can actually plant thoughts in your head and they will pop out more often the more you practice.

In addition to those universal tips you could try more personal approach. Try asking yourself: "why?". What keeps me from accepting myself as a genderfluid idividual? Am I scared? Embarassed? Confused? Try identifing your emotions. Challenge yourself a little. What would happen if I allowed myself to be genderfluid? Are there any struggles I would encounter? Maybe by asking right questions you will be able to undersnad that.

However, don't push yourself to do anything that is too uncomfortable. Maybe you are not ready for that yet or maybe some things are just not for you. It's totally normal to experience your struggle. Like I said, we were raised to think in a very binary way and it's not easy to change that.

Anyway, that's just my silly opinion. Take my words with a grain of salt. Good luck on your journey of self discovery and acceptance!

[queerheartflags]

Anon asked for the Butch Lesbian flag however I could not tell which one was the most popular one so they get three flags.

[Image ID 1 & 2: The first two images are the aromantic flag with a heart in the center. The heart is the butch lesbian and the transmasc flags split vertically. The first has the orange to yellow butch lesbian flag and the second has the blue butch lesbian flag. Inside of the heart on both is a smaller heart which is the nonbinary and genderqueer flags split vertically. End ID] [Image ID 3: The last image is the aromantic flag with a heart in the center. The heart is the sky butch lesbian and the genderqueer flag split vertically. Inside of that heart is a smaller heart which is the nonbinary and the transmasc flag split vertically. End ID]

[yourfaveisintersex]

Rui Kamishiro from Project SEKAI is intersex, genderqueer, bisexual, uses he/she/they/it pronouns, and his variation is Klinefelter Syndrome (XXY Chromosomes)!

Intersex flag-only edits under the cut!

[nonbinarypolls]

which do you most consider yourself?

trans

cis

cistrans/a bit of both

neither trans nor cis

depends/other nuanced answer

results

*This includes anyone who does not fall into the binary of "always, wholly, and exclusively male" or "always, wholly, and exclusively female," even if they don't necessarily identify with the nonbinary label specifically.

[trans-butch-culture-is]

Strict parents culture is not being able to buy any masculine clothes because “girls don’t wear that” and silently crying because i’m nb

Trans butch culture is...