#cos my memory is terrible and I forget easy

[timethehobo]

I keep scribbling my OCs and forgetting to post them. Here’s a Dev again.

[electricbloodflow]

general character of DID

I don't notice I have amnesia and feel like I remember everything. Then I repeatedly find evidence this isn't the case peppered throughout the day. Then I forget I found that evidence and then find it again over and over again.

People that live with me get annoyed because I forget weird things constantly. I forget things I've promised to do like specific chores. Additionally, somehow I will often forget I'm doing a chore in the middle of doing the chore and walk away and do something else. I do this for everything, including things like playing video games or painting a picture.

I keep forgetting what's happening in conversations. I keep forgetting what I said. I repeat myself but look disingenuous when I do because my alters all have different takes on what happened and sometimes imperfectly remember something I've already talked about and mix it with another memory so I look like I'm lying when I'm not.

I am terrible at doing everything I'm good at for a large portion of the day because of skill compartmentalization. I switch between something like three to ten (haha as if I can remember) different approaches to life with completely different projects and habits and goals, which makes me consistently inconsistent.

I don't think about switching. It happens. Most of my alters don't want to name themselves because all names feel wrong. I have very different and distinct selves I rotate through but I can't remember them in great detail but then sometimes I can. The alters during co consciousness feel like other complex trains of thought that I don't control and that switch back and forth in prominence with the other alters present as they think and act one at a time.

Amnesia is more like I think I get the gist, but there are actually giant holes I can't perceive missing. But usually the gist is good enough. It's easy to not notice if you aren't vigilant for it most of the time. There is often a vague memory of things. Co consciousness gives insight into other alters' motivations and thoughts that is otherwise missing. My mind is rarely quiet because they are often in the background, falling in and out of salience as things in the real world do or don't apply to them.

The inner world feels like intense daydreaming in a trance. I've lucid dreamed in it while another alter was controlling the body like maybe two or three times. Mostly it is just a vivid daydream. It doesn't have to be a location, I can get lost in my thoughts in a literal way. Small amounts of lost time happen during this trance. Rarely, large amounts of lost time.

[sifinspace]

‘I am the biggest asshole.’ Joker screamed in his mind. ‘I can’t do anything right. Fuck!’

He sat in his seat, frustrated by his anger toward Sif, and his reaction. He didn’t have to do that. He scared her - he actually scared her. He knew what that did to her, the memories it brought up.

‘I lost my cool. Shepard walked in, I - I can’t believe I embarrassed her like that.’ He slammed his fist into the arm of his chair.

‘Then Kaiden goes and dies all in the same breath. And I become the real ass.’ He leaned his head back. ‘This is all a bad dream. Kaiden died, but I never yelled at the one woman…. No I wouldn’t do that…. Shit. I did.’

The realization that he blew up made the sting even greater.

The worse part was realizing Kaiden gave his life willingly. Almost as if he knew he had no future.

“Shit.”

——-

“Go see her.” Shepard ordered Joker.

“After what I did?”

“Especially after what you did.” He said squarely.

Joker got up and ambled to his cabin. They had recently docked at the Citadel and this was his chance to make things right.

The door opened and Sif was sitting on her side facing the bathroom with her head down.

He didn’t know how to being, so he went over and sat next to her. He noticed she was holding something. A bottle of whiskey.

“Hey…” he said quietly.

She still didn’t respond. She handed him the note that was in her other hand.

Joker took it and read it silently.

‘Sif, if I don’t make it back, this is for you. I was saving it for something special. Thanks for everything you’ve given me, especially hope. I know things probably wouldn’t have worked out how we’d planned, but to pretend for a bit was fun.

Don’t miss me too much when I’m gone. Just once in a while, imagine what it would have been like to live in the mountains with me, and how we’d have had the cutest kids. You would have made an amazing wife.

Make sure Joker treats you well, and don’t let anyone tell you you’re not worth it, cause you are.

Forget me not,

Love

Kaiden’

“He knew he wasn’t coming back?” Joker asked.

“He had a feeling.” She said.

“So you…”

“I agreed to go back to earth with him, to help motivate him to live. I agreed to go, because for a minute, I felt like it was a good idea. Because I wanted to be wanted. I wish you’d have let me explain.” She quietly whispered.

Joker felt like he had been gut punched. He really was an asshole. “You’re right. I’m sorry I freaked out.”

“I’ve never been scared of you. Ever. Till today.”

“I know, that I’m most sorry for.” He put his arm around her shoulder.

She flinched.

“I didn’t realize you’d get so upset with me about something like this.” She muttered.

“I don’t know what happened. I guess it was shocking and I lost it. It was stupid. I yelled at you. I felt like an idiot afterwards.”

“I sure hope so.”

“I will never do that to you again. I made a promise to never do that and I broke it. I’m no better than…” his voice trailed off.

“You are. You just, had a moment.” She said fiddling with the label on the bottle.

“Fucking Sif. Why are you always so nice to me? Why?”

“Because I love you Jeff, you know that. You don’t hold shit against someone when you love them.”

This made him feel even worse.

“I’m so sorry. Then I opened my big mouth to Shepard. Seriously you shouldn’t be my friend.”

The pair sat there in silence for a while. Sif put her head on Jokers shoulder and he held her tight to him.

“I am relieved you know. I didn’t really want to leave Shepard, or you. Does that make me terrible?”

“Nah, Kaiden was the best of them. I should have been happy you found someone to make your dreams come true.”

“But it felt wrong. Not the entire time, but agreeing to leave. It didn’t sit right.”

“I’m glad. I ……” he trailed off.

“Glad?”

“I didn’t want you to want to leave. It would have made my life boring. I don’t have time to find another co-pilot I actually like.”

“True, you’re not easy to get along with.”

“Yea you’re not wrong.”

They continued to sit in the dim light of space, Jeff rested his head on Sif’s.

“Don’t think I’m not devastated.” She said.

“I know.”

“He was my friend. When you said you’d come spend time with me, and never did, Kaiden was always there.”

Joker knew she was right, he never prioritized her.

“How long had you two been spending time together before he made his first move?” He asked.

“Since the day he was assigned to the Normandy. I’d spend time down in the mess with him, or in the cargo bay. Watching the stars, drinking, playing cards or something. He always was company. When Liara and Garrus joined up, they joined in the games too. They felt bad you never ended up spending time with me like you’d always promise you would.”

“I didn’t realize people noticed.” He said slightly embarrassed.

“Yea. Kaiden wasn’t just a guy who I hung out with once, we spent nearly every evening together.”

“I’m….I’m so sorry. You two were really close.”

“Yea, and just like that, he’s gone. I’ll be okay, I’ll call his mom and send his belongings home.”

“Here.” He handed her an ear bud. “Put this in for a sec and give me your Omni tool.”

Joker punched a few buttons on her wrist and static shot through her brain.

‘Sif, … Sif, tell her, I love her.’ Kaidens shallow voice bled out.

She gasped.

He hit save.

Then she started to cry.

He held her closer to him as time ticked away. It always seemed like it did when they had to be somewhere else. As if they never got enough time to be together to just enjoy being beside one another.

“Joker, time to go.” Shepards voice came in over the coms.

“Right, we’ll be there in a second. You gonna be okay?”

“Yea let’s get this over with.”

——-

Fancy footwork and maneuvering for the Normandy through the Mass relay brought the crew closer to their end game. Shepard stood behind his pilots as they continued to doge Geth ships to make it back to the Citadel.

Shepards grasp on the back of their seats was enough to keep one he was ready. Joker hovered above the landing zone while Sif manually aimed the cannons at oncoming hostiles.

Her aim was superb and her hits were never even close to a miss.

“Great aim Sif.” Shepard said as he put his helmet on.

His N7 suit glimmering in the dim light, and the marks of battle still visible.

“How are we going to get down there? There’s no room for a landing!” Ashely shouted.

“I can make it!” Joker yelled.

“Are you kidding, there’s no way in hell you’re going to actually land this thing.” Shepard retorted.

“I’ll launch you in the Mako. Trust me, I’ve got this.” Joker sat up and readjusted himself. “Go!”

“Are you kidding, you want us to trust…” Ashley scoffed.

“Go.” Sif said sternly.

“He’s right, they can do this, I’ve seen Joker do crazier.” Sheppard said.

“Thanks Commander.” Joker grinned.

“Get as far as you can without loosing coms. Let the ship look desolate, and protect yourselves. I’m taking Liara and Ash.” He started to walk away.

“Hey Shep!” Sif shouted, “Give em hell.”

Shepard nodded his head and saluted Sif. She turned back to her station.

————-

“This is painful. It keeps, going on and on.” Sif lamented.

“It’ll be okay. They are all trained, we will have our friends back in no time.” Tali’s voice chimed over Sif’s head set.

“Yea, with the calibrations I put into those guns, and the ones they took, it’s going to be an easy fight.” Garrus added confidently.

“If you ever, need to calibrate something not man made, I have a few items I could use help with.” Tali said.

“Sounds good. Once this is done.” Garrus replied.

Sif raised a corner of her mouth. Quarian flirtation was beautiful.

——

What seemed like hours flew by. Ilos was colorful from the helm. It looked like someone poured paint all over their screens. Reds, oranges, greens. Nothing could settle a heart like a beautiful sunset, even this one.

They kept waiting.

And waiting.

“We have made it to the archives. Ill send you the file.” Shepard buzzed through the coms. “We are going to follow Saren through the portal - meet us back at the Citadel!”

Joker and Sif exchanged looks. “Go time.” He said.

They locked the Normandy onto the nearest Mass Effect and swung the entire ship through it, being shot out in the Sol System near the Citadel.

As they approached they would see Sovereign and the ships attacking.

They had replayed the file that Shepard sent them, Vigil told them all they needed to know about what was going on. This was what everyone had feared. The Reapers, the end of humanity.

Sif shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She swore there were already fingernail imprints on the arm rests. Grasping them was her anxious outlet when on missions, and she had a death hold on them like never before.

“Look at that, it’s going to consume everything in the Citadel…” Sif quietly said when she saw the massive alien ship engulfing the Citadel.

“Not everything, come on, you know better.” Joker said to lighten the mood.

“Do you ever, EVER worry?” She asked.

“Nah, you know that. Shep’s got it in the bag.” He said flying closer to the Citadel and the approaching alien ships.

He was afraid, his glibness didn’t mean he didn’t worry. He worried a lot. More so in recent months than he ever had.

“You’re always right….what will you do one day when I’m actually right?” She asked him.

“That’s the day Ill admit you’re a better pilot than me.”

“I never said I was a better pilot, ever.”

“I know, but thats what I mean, I’d admit that!”.

“Ill take it I guess.”

Finally there was movement down below. Sovereign was detaching from the citadels communication hub, and the Alliance fleet was closing in.

“Joker, Sif, the Alliance fleet is going to head to the Destiny Ascension to save the Counsel. Joker, prepare to extract us.” Shepard’s com buzzed.

“Locations are locked.” Sif confirmed.

“Let’s get them.” Joker said.

———————-

The Counsel was saved. Shepard had just left to meet with them in person.

Shepard took his whole missions team with him.

Sif and joker stayed back, they liked to stay out of the eye of Politicians at any cost, even if they weren’t in hot water. It gave them some time to breathe, and collect themselves after the finality of the last mission.

“So Sovereign is a Reaper ship? That’s being piloted by the Geth and Krogan?” Joker asked.

“Yea., and apparently it was the flag ship for Saren, but you know what happens, where one is, more are to follow, especially if that involves Geth.” Sif sighed.

“That’s wild. I wonder what it looked like on board.”

“I do not want to find out. Ever.” Sif shook her head. “But we are done with that, whatever mission they send us on next is probably going to be equally exciting, don’t worry, you’re going to be the pilot that saves the day, as always. That Mako drop was amazing.” Sif smiled.

“I impressed myself too. I mean, I knew I could do it, but with eyes actually watching, that stress is real.”

Joker pushed some buttons on his console and the engine of the Normandy started to hum slower. “May as well put her to sleep for a bit, we might actually get some shore leave after this.”

“That would be fantastic.” Sif smiled.

“What do you want to do?” he asked.

“Oh the usual, have a drink or two, get some sleep, wander the Citadel and try to convince you to fall in love with me.” She Replied.

Joker smirked, then realized he was smiling. He wiped it from his face. “We can get drinks, want to go back to earth for a few days?”

“I always do - it’s winter still there, aren’t you worried about breaking a leg?”

“Nah, for you I’ll go.”

—————-

Shepard had been decorated as a Specter and a paragon on the Citadel while he was meeting with the counsel, there wasn’t a parade, or a huge show of it, but the whole crew knew, and were proud of him. The first human specter, really was a big deal.

Humanity finally found its place in the universe and even had Udina put on the Counsel. Sif wasn’t his biggest fan, but she’s prefer him to most people in that position of power. Something about him caused her to feel uneasy.

With Sovereign destroyed, and Saren’s death, it was time to properly mourn those they lost.

—————

“Lieutenant, you ready?”

Sif’s door opened to Shepard walking in.

“I’m ready.” She said.

He walked over to Sif as she sat in her recliner next to the bed. She looked up at Shepard and back down to the floor again.

“I wouldn’t have left the Normandy, or you Commander. Just so we are clear.” She admitted.

“I didn’t think you would, I knew Joker was just blowing off steam.”

“I’m trying to say, I was embarrassed how that played out. It was a irrational decision, that I made, and Jeff took it badly.” She kicked a fluff on the ground.

Shepard sat across from her on the bed, and reached forward.

“We’ve worked together for a long time Sif, it’s okay. It really is. I’m sorry he embarrassed you, but if its any consolation, I didn’t take what he said to heart.” He reassured her.

“I wanted Kaiden to have hope, that’s all. For the first time, I felt … “ she trailed off.

“Wanted?”

“Does every one know how I feel about Jeff?” She raised an eyebrow.

“No, no ones said anything, but remember, we’ve worked together a long time. I watch you guys all the time, I know what’s going on. Your music, your banter. I figured something was going on.”

“Well, nothing’s going on if it’s any consolation. It never will. That’s why I said yes so fast.” She cleared her throat.

“I get it. It’s nice to be wanted, it’s nice to be appreciated.” He smiled.

“Yea, I’m glad you have that with Ash.” She grinned.

“How do you - “

“I know everything…it’s surprising what people tell me on this ship. You know Presley…I know the tea.” She chuckled.

Shepard smiled back at her. She could understand why Ash liked him. He was handsome, loved the galaxy, and cared for people. He was the commander, the specter all humanity needed. He reached for her hand and held it for a moment.

“I’m still sorry about Kaiden. He was a good solider, a good man. Probably the best of us.”

Sif nodded. “Thanks Shepard, I mean it, thank you.”

“Any time you need to be reminded at what you mean to anyone, the crew, Joker, me, just ask. I’ll tell you in a heart beat.”

“What do I mean to you?” She asked curiously as she stood to prepare to leave.

Shepard smiled at her, stood and took her hand. “Sif you mean the Normandy to me. You mean safety, and life. There are only two people in this world I trust to sit at the helm, and you’re one of them. I trust you with my whole being, and any who fly on our ship.”

She smiled at him. “I needed that.”

As they walked out of the cabin, Shepard handed her a plaque.

Kaiden Alenko. Stamped on cold steel.

“It’s for the wall, it’s most appropriate that you put it up.” Shepard said.

Sif choked back a sniffle. “I miss him.”

Shepard walked closer to Sif. “Permission to hug you?”

She nodded.

Shepard wrapped her in his arms and gave her the biggest hug she had ever had. She let herself tear up and appreciate someone doing this. He held on a little longer, and Sif composed herself.

“Thank you. I know why you are the best choice for a Spectre- you really do care about your crew. That’s what makes you so good.” She forced a smile. “I’m proud to serve you.”

“I’m proud to have you as head of my crew.”

—————

After Kaidens brief memorial, the crew disbanded, and made their way to their bunks. Sif rejoined Joker in the helm, to await further orders. As much as she wanted shore leave, she’d be fine with not having any. She didn’t know if she really wanted to go to Earth for a vacation, or to run away from her thoughts.

Shepard walked into the helm and greeted the two of them.

“We are going to take a bit of shore leave, then start to trace where the Geth are coming from. I think 5 days is appropriate. We don’t want the Geth to get too far ahead. While you’re on leave, I’m going to send out some smaller ships to do some reconnaissance. Just scouting ships.” He said very authoritatively.

“Sounds good Commander.” Sif said standing at attention.

“What do you plan on doing?” He asked.

“I think I’m going to go back to earth. I looked into where the nearest alliance base is to the mountains, and I think that’s what I’m going to do.” She nodded.

“Want some company?” Joker looked over his shoulder.

“If you’d like. It’s cold though right now.” She said hoping it would shake him off.

“That’s fine, you told me how great snow can be, so I figure I should go and see it for myself.” he responded.

“Great, you two seem to have it all planned out. Ill see you soon.” Shepard saluted them and left.

———-

“You’re sure you want to come along with me?” Sif asked Jeff.

“Yea, I think it would be interesting to see this place you always talk about.”

“It’s not what it used to be.” She said as she folded her sweater and packed a few other clothing items.

“Boots?” He asked holding up a pair.

“Boots.”

————-

Sif and Joker made it to Earth. The base was actually in between and underneath the Rocky Mountain Range. It seemed ideal for the Alliance to have a strong hold there, not much can move a mountain. They were welcomed and treated like hero’s.

The pair didn’t expect such a warm welcome, but they were given ample provisions for their short drive.

Sif got into the drivers seat of the old pick up truck, and Joker climbed into the passenger seat.

They didn’t say much, as the sky started to get darker, and the moon decided to shine brightly on their journey. After about an hour, Sif pulled over.

She put on her hat, and mits, and zipped up her coat. Joker did the same.

Once they were both out of the truck, she walked over to Joker and grabbed his arm.

“Here, let me lead you.” She said.

“Where did you bring me? Looks like a ghost town.”

“It wasn’t always like this.” Sif sadly explained, as she looked to the once busy shore of Lake Moraine. “It used to be swarming with tourists, from all over the planet, they’d come here to see the turquoise water, and the mountain tops. It was a jewel in the heart of the Rockies.” She let out a heavy sigh, her breath cold, swirled up to the atmosphere.

“What was that?” Joker pointed to a building.

“That was the resort, people would pay top dollar to stay here, and enjoy the scenery. Then it became over crowded, and people stopped coming in droves. Then space travel happened, and people stopped coming here all together. There was no more reason to see nature in it’s glory, the Citadel was far more exciting.”

Sif lead Joker to the shore, and stood there silently for a minute.

“Damn it’s cold. Why would you want to do this?” He asked.

“Because it’s peaceful.”

“It’s dark, it’s cold, and I’m probably going to die.”

“Don’t be such a diva Jeff, you’re fine.”

Sif took Jokers gloved hand and lead him across the frozen lake. She didn’t make him walk too far - she didn’t want to over burden him.

She looked up, the moon was bright.

“Here, lay down.” She said.

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Trust me.”

“If I get hypothermia, it’s on you.” Joker reluctantly said as he laid down on the fresh powdered snow.

Sif started to pile it on top and around him. “There, better?”

“Surprisingly yes.”

Sif laid down next to him, and focused her eyes on the stars.

“You know, when I was little, I remember laying here, looking at the sky and wondering what it would be like to fly up there some day, I guess that dream’s finally come true.” She reminisced.

“You could say that.” Joker grabbed her hand and pointed it up. “See that! I think that’s the citadel, it’s big enough.” He seemed excited.

Sif moved their hands to another cluster. “See that? That’s the Andromeda galaxy. I want to go there someday.”

“No ones gone there yet.”

“Someday someone will, and I want to fly into it. Be one of the first to navigate the uncharted.” She grinned.

“You have an aptitude for the uncharted.” He replied.

Sif laid there and watched the stars dance in the sky, their breath swirling above their faces. She remembered this being her last memory from earth that she loved. Everything else was useless.

“Before my dad abandoned me, he brought me here.” She started. “He took me out to the Lake, and told me to wait here for him. At that time, it was still full of tourists. I laid down and watched the stars, and waited for him to come back from the bathroom over at the Resort. I pictured him bringing us hot chocolates, and him listening to what I had to babble about.”

Joker shifted, she had never mentioned her biological father before.

“He never came back. He left me here. Someone had come to check on me, and they told me to come in or I’d freeze.” Her voice broke. “All I wanted to do was share something special with him, I wasn’t good enough, he decided to leave me here.”

“I thought he died?” Joker said, reaching for her hand again.

“He did. He went back to his truck, and drank himself into a stupor, then that road, is where he drove off a cliff on, but not before taking a family and their car with him.” She sniffed.

“You never told me that before.”

“It wasn’t important, I wanted you to know why I wanted to come here.” she said.

“This doesn’t sound like a good memory.” He said tenderly.

“It’s not, but it reminds me of everything that happened before he drove off. The hope I had. I wanted to be at peace for once in our life. We deal with so much up there, we needed a moment to remember what it was like before anything bad ever happened…or I do at least.” Her eye lashes started to freeze.

Joker laid there and let that sink in. His best friend was willing to share something that gave her complete peace before the biggest storm in her life. She wanted to share it with him, hoping it would help him relax, she wanted him to remember the good feeling this gave her, not the ones that followed.

He squeezed her gloved hand.

“Do you hate him?” He asked her.

“No. Not anymore.”

“Do you hate your mom?”

“No. I looked her up, and she was a drug addict. She died at 27 after having me from a heroine induced coma. They didn’t get the Naloxone to her in time. She suffered enough.”

“I didn’t know that either.” He said. For all the life they shared, he never had known about her younger years. She never talked about them.

“I didn’t know my real name.” She said.

“What?”

“I didn’t know what it was until I wanted to look my mother up. My dad was easy, I searched for “Man abandons daughter, drives off cliff” they didn’t name me in the article, so that was a bust.”

“Didn’t you have family? Anything?” He asked, concern flooded his voice.

“No, nothing. I was 5 I didn’t even know he had died until I was placed with my first foster family and a they told me what happened.”

“What was your name?” Joker asked.

“Dany.”

“That’s pretty.”

“It means unwanted in Polish.” She sighed. “It’s what I was.”

Joker sat up and rubbed his mittens together.

“Why the name Sif?”

“The first foster home had to call me something - they were huge into Norse Mythology and figured what better name for a girl who has to be a warrior in life to survive. It just kinda stuck.”

Sif helped him to hit feet, and started walking back to their truck. Before they reached it, he stopped and let the moon light reflect off of her eyes.

“You’re wanted. Never think otherwise.” Joker smiled, his cheeks pink from the cold. “You’re the one person in this world I care more about than myself. You always have been.”

“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“You are wanted by so many - you are the best thing to happen to me.”

Joker enveloped her in a hug.

————-

The rest of their shore leave was enjoyable. Sif and Joker spent it in a hot tub with other Alliance who were on time off as well.

They sat in the most beautiful place Joker had ever seen. He made sure to take a few pictures to remember this adventure. He even had one framed, and kept it on his nightstand.

It was Sif and him, drinking Canadian beer in a hot tub during their winter vacation. Clearly both had had a few prior. If made him smile when he saw it, and wanted it to be a permanent fixture in their cabin.

Finally back at the Normandy, it was time to start searching for the Geth once again.

Shepard had just given them coordinates to an anomaly the alliance had found in the way out spaces.

As they approached the beacon signal location, there was a mass eruption.

Fire shot from a cloaked ship, and tore the Normandy in half.

“Joker, what the hell was that!” Shouted Shepard through the coms.

“I have no idea, I’m going to hold together this ship till I can get somewhere safe. Joker out.”

Shepard gabbed his helmet and ordered Liara to get everyone she could off of the ship in escape pods. Shepard made his way up to the command center. As he did he saw the full extent of the damage.

The entire upper portion of the ship was gone. It was nothing but vast space as he used his gravity boots to walk along the broken bay of the ship to the helm. He moved faster when he could see a familiar form floating in the zero gravity.

“SIF!” He yelled. She was tethered to the ship. “Sif, SIF.” Hé tried to yell louder. Nothing, space swallowed his words. He opened the closest pod, and put her inside. A gash of red trickled down her forehead. Her helm cracked. Shepard closed the pod door and made his way over the helm. Joker sat in his chair, with his force field behind him, giving him the last bit of oxygen he could muster from the ship.

“JOKER It’s time to go!” Shepard ordered.

“I can save her, I CAN STILL SAVE HER.” His labored words echoed in Shepards head.

“No, it’s too late, we have to get you out here.” He grabbed Joker.

“Hey eh, watch the arm.”

Shepard hauled him to the pod he had thrown Sif into, and opened the door.

“Sif!” Joker saw her laying on the floor. It was as if his mind stopped thinking of the Normandy completely, and he went willingly to her side. He turned back to grab Shepard hand to help him in, and as their fingertips nearly touched, he was stolen away by a piece of debris.

“NO!” Joker looked to the pod door and the floor where his friend laid. Shepard was gone, floating across space, with no hope of being saved. Joker hit the launch button and shot the pod into space.

He sat on the floor and examined his friend.

“What the hell did you get up to? I said to go and examine the console, not get dead, you never listen.” Joker looked back to the observation portal, and could see Shepards lifeless body continue to fall downwards into the planets orbit. He shuddered. He was responsible. If he had only not come to rescue him, Shepard would still be alive. He’s be in the pod with them, and they’d be laughing about this tomorrow.

Joker put his face in his hands. The realization of what just happened kicked in. He was so stubborn - he needed to change. To watch Shepard struggle in outer space for air, to watch his lifeless body - who was he going to tell he saw the commander in his last moments.

He was devastated. He threw his head back and groaned.

“What - where am I?” A weak voice came from below.

“You, you’re alive.” He said, examining her face, her head, and her arms.

“Jeff? What happened?” She asked slowly.

“You were definitely knocked out, what hit you?”

“Something hard. I had clipped myself to the ship when you told me you saw something, and I turned on my helm at the same time.” She slowly started to sit up. “What happened - why are we in a pod?”

“The Normandy is gone.” He said looking down, “We were ambushed. That ship got us in one hit.”

Sif tried to focus her eyes, and swayed to her left. “Who made it out?”

“I’m not sure yet, we did, Shepard threw you into the pod, and me behind you.”

Sif seemed to understand what was happening. “I think I’m broken.” She muttered.

“Where?” Joker started to examine her legs, and her torso.

Sif tried to get up to sit on the bench seat. She wasn’t able to. She rolled up her pant leg, and exposed a dislocate knee.

“How did that happen?” He asked.

“I don’t know. I took a hit to the head then blacked out.” She felt her forehead. The blood had started to harden. “I need something for this pain.”

“Where does it hurt?”

“My knee and my head. Might have broken a rib.” She said tenderly touching her chest. “Just get me to the med bay when we get to the Citadel. I really just need to lay down.”

“No, you can’t fall asleep. That’s the order for a concussion. Which I’m pretty sure you have.” Joker positioned himself close to her so she could lean on him.

“How long till we get here.”

“I’m not sure, we weren’t far into our flight when this happened. Couple hours maybe.” He could see she was in distress. “Here, lay your head on my lap, and I will keep you awake.”

Sif didn’t argue, she laid down, and put her head on Jokers lap. He took ripped a piece of his shirt off, and started to dab at her forehead. The blood kept oozing through the crusted bits. The gash was deeper than he thought it was.

“Even the Normandy was out to get you with this one.”

“The Normandy was the only thing I had that I called home.” Her eyes started to fill it tears, and soon they were running down her face, faster than he could wipe them away.

Joker dabbed at them for her, and moved the hair out of her face.

“Anywhere we are together, is home.”

Sifs tears streamed down her face harder. She was hurting. Every breath felt like agony. Her knee was either broken or dislocated, and she felt nauseous. She looked up at Joker as he applied pressure to her forehead.

He was taking care of her. He always tried too when she got hurt. She appreciated that. His eyes looked like they were in pain too.

“Are you hurt?” She asks him.

“You’re always concerned about me. Just think of yourself for once.”

She wanted to. She wanted comfort. She wanted to be held and told everything would be alright.

“Jeff - if I don’t make it, I - I need you to know.” She said as if about to pass out.

“I know.” He said looking down to her. “You can’t fall asleep, understood?”

Her eyes said yes.

“Good a I’ll talk - let me think of a good story to tell you. Ah I know, the one where the captain of the pirate ship has the best first mate….”

_______

As soon as they arrived at the Citadel, Joker rushed Sif up to Huerta Hospital. She had been seen immediately, as well as any of the Normandy crew who had come in from the explosion. Joker sat impatiently, as the doctors gave Sif anesthetic, and popped her knee back into place.

They then glued her forehead gash, and reset her big toe. She was in worse shape than she had thought. Her 2 broken ribs were a lost cause, they couldn’t do anything for it but time. Her appendix needed to be removed as well, it was on the verge of rupturing.

As she laid on her hospital bed, Joker sat there replaying all the events of the last 12 hours, not letting go of her hand the entire time.

“Joker, what the hell happened?” Captain Anderson asked as he walked through the doors.

“We were ambushed, no idea there was a ship there. They had sent out a bogus beacon and used some sort of cloaking device.” His responses were short, straight to the point. Just like the military taught them.

“Where’s Shepard.”

Joker slowly stood. “He didn’t make it sir. I watched him get spaced from the pod’s observation portal. He was about to get in behind me, and a piece of the ship caught him, and launched him into orbit.” He looked down, clearly torn by this.

Anderson paused, almost contemplating his next steps. His hair short, and his fatigues a grayish shade of blue.

“You and Sif are grounded until further notice. You have been provided pay, and accommodations off base until we can reassign you both. Considering your special circumstances, we will keep you together. This isn’t my choice, but of the top Admirals. They need time to work through this, and frankly, you both will need to as well. Dismissed.”

Anderson turned and left faster than he appeared. He left Joker in a state of shock.

‘We’ve been grounded? What the hell! All we did was fly the ship.’ Joker rubbed his face with his hands, then walked over to Sif who was laying in her bed.

“Hey, I don’t know if you can hear me, but it’s Jeff. Can you wake up? We’ve got some stuff to talk about?” He calmly asked her. “Please, I need you.” He rubbed her hand. It was soft. It was always soft. She didn’t move.

“Sif, if you wake up now, I’ll tell you how I’ve decided you and I should totally hook up.” He was trying anything at this point. “Fine, if you wake up right now, I’ll clean the cabin for a month.”

“Deal.” A groggy voice said with a tiny grin. “Jeff you okay?”

“You should have held out for longer, the deals would have gotten better.” He smiled down at her. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore, but the pain meds they gave me are out of this world. What do you need me for, are they discharging me?”

“I was talking to the nurse before I came in here, once you were awake, they were sending you home. Speaking of which, I have some good news.” He tried to act optimistic. “We are moving into the Citadel for a while.”

“I hope it has a view.”

“I’m not sure, Anderson was just here, he told me we are grounded til they are done doing the investigation.” He smoothed it over for her.

“What! I’ll be fine in a few days, no Ill be fine once they give me more pain meds, come on.” She tried to get out of bed. Joker pushed her back down.

“No, he’s right, we need time to recover from this.” He looked down at his hand that was still on her shoulder. “We lost nearly everyone from the crew.”

“What?”

“Presley, Gardner, Shepard…all spaced.”

“Shepard?” She asked as if completely sobered from her anesthetic haze. “What do you mean, Shepard.”

“I explained it all in the pod on the way here, do you not remember?”

“I think that is something I’d have paid attention to.”

“You were in pretty bad shape. Shepard was spaced saving …. My life. He pushed me into the pod with you, then got his by a piece of the Normandy.”

Sif’s eyes went large. “So we are just … abandoned by the Alliance, they aren’t going to help us?”

“Anderson said full pay and a place to live until they can reassign us. We should be great full, I think you’ll take a bit to get over this, your body will anyway. How’s your implant?”

Sif channeled her biotics. A blue glow started to come from her left hand. “It’s fine.”

Joker knew she was still trying to process what he just told her. He was too. He didn’t know how to explain what would come next, nor did he know. He crawled into bed beside her, and hid his face in her blood caked hair.

————

Months went by, Sif finally was able to recover, and she was back to her normal self. Or as normal as could be. After being part of the Normandy crew that lived, they had all started sending each others email to keep in touch.

Liara had been unscathed from the explosion and had left to Illium, to peruse Prothean artifacts, and Ashley was immediately reassigned to another ship. Garrus had taken off with Wrex for a bit, and Tali had continued on her pilgrimage.

Sif felt alone. Even the emails were few and far between. She missed her crew, she missed flying. She missed having Jeff beside her all day, cracking jokes, and being aware that the only thing that could stop them was death. He didn’t joke about death anymore.

For days, he had not slept. She’d get up during the night and he’d be sitting on the couch. She’d join him, and he’d ask her to sit next to him, and he’d hold her tight - as if he was about to loose her to some invisible devourer.

On Andersons orders, he had started therapy, and was resentful the entire time. It didn’t seem to help, but each time he’d come back, he would try to distract Sif with how it went with telling her how good she was looking after her head gash. She didn’t end up having a scar, but she was worried that it rattled around her brain quite a bit.

Sif had enrolled in physical therapy sessions three times a week. It was the only time she got out and could spend time with people other than Jeff. He wasn’t the same after the Normandy incident, but who was? Sif had her bad days, and for a while started to abuse the pain medication to cope with the daunting realization Shepard and Kaiden were gone. They weren’t just her comrades, they were her family.

Joker had noticed her abusing her meds, and called her out on it. Sif for the first time in her life hated him. She resented him. She wanted to yell at him, accuse him of his selfishness, and the fact it was his fault Shepard was gone. She had lost too much at this point. Parents, Kaiden, Shepard. It was unbearable.

She lost her level headedness.

“What the hell do you mean? Just accept the fact you being a stubborn ass hole lost us a friend and the best damn Commander anyone knew!”

“It wasn’t like that I didn’t push him backwards, the ship, it clipped him.”

“If you weren’t so obstinate, you could have been in the pod moments sooner, and Shepard moments sooner. Damn it Jeff.” Sif started to cry. “Just say it. Tell me, if you would have been a moment sooner, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Joker took her hands in his, “You’re right, if I was less stubborn, I would have been a few seconds earlier, and Shepard wouldn’t have been spaced. He’d still be here, we’d still be flying, and you’d still be broken.”

Sif’s eyes opened wide. She couldn’t believe he admitted it. “That’s all I wanted to hear.” Hearing him take responsibility for this, made her instantly soften. “I’m glad you survived.”

“I can’t tell if you’re serious.”

Sif walked closer to Joker and wrapped her arms around him.

“Therapy must be good for you.”

He hugged her back, he let her wavy hair fill his face with the scent of her shampoo. “I talk about you in therapy.”

“Sorry, I must really have messed you up.” She said sadly.

“No - I don’t think you understand, I miss Shepard, and I blame myself, but had I lost you instead? I can’t explain to you what that would have done to me.” He kissed the top of her head. She flinched. “Sorry, I don’t think I’ve ever done that to you before.”

Sif smiled in his chest. “I liked it.”

“I keep playing in my mind over and over, what happened that day. I wasn’t trying to be the big pilot and save the Normandy for my glory, I was trying to save it for you. For us. It was our home. It was our lively hood. I’m going to make it up to you I swear.” He rested his chin on her head.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” She said timidly.

“You didn’t even raise your voice. You just got a little excited. No ones calling the cops here.” He smiled. She buried her head into him as far as it would go, and breathed in his scent of fresh washed laundry.

——

A year had gone by and still they weren’t reassigned. Being on leave was one thing, but no end date in sight was another.

Joker and Sif seemed to be getting closer each day to losing their minds being grounded, but found solace in spending it together. They used this time to brush up on their flight skills, and Sif with her biotic skills. They cooked together, and even made the trip out to Tiptree together.

Jokers parents loved Sif. So did his sister Hilary.

They spent their time on the farm on the outreaches of civilization. They watched the stars at night, right on the edge of the galaxy.

They laid in hay on the ground and watched the sky.

“They aren’t called northern lights here, what do you call them?” Sif asked.

“Auroras - well I do anyway.”

Sif shifted in her place. “Do you think the universe knows yet?”

“Knows what?” He asked confused to a question that came out of no where.

“That there are things coming. The things like Sovereign.” She whispered.

Joker rolled onto his side and propped his head up on his hand. The moonshine played across her face, and he examined the look in her eye. He mustered all he could, to not break her heart.

“I don’t think anyone is doing anything about it. When Shep was spaced, it was almost like the end. No one out there to figure it out, no one anyone could trust anyway.” He said as he reached for her finger tips. “Sorry, but I honestly think - things are happening and we are all gonna end up dead before we know what’s really going on.”

Sif returned the gesture. She held his hand as tight as she could without hurting him.

“I’m afraid.”

“I will never let anything happen to you, it’ll be okay. At least if need be, we can steal a ship and get the hell outta here.” He grinned at her.

“Maybe people need hope. They know something’s going on out there.”

“Like?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Your mom, and Hilary. They feel a weird tension throughout the galaxy. Your mom was talking about when she was done working last year, before they moved here, how people were talking a lot about Reapers and the past…”

“I didn’t think anyone cared.”

“Neither did I. We know what the Reapers can do. So I changed the subject. I told her I wasn’t feeling great.”

“You okay?” He asked concerned.

“Told her I’m probably pregnant or something.” She laughed.

“What?!”

“Then I told her if I was it would be her first grandchild. Jeff she lost her mind!” Sif cackled.

“Why would you do that?!”

Sif sat up and looked him straight in the eye. The illuminated skin on his cheeks was rosy, and his eyes seemed concerned yet amused.

He wanted to kiss her. To make love to her right there in the darkness of space. He wanted all of her. Her love, her heart - all he had to do was take what she so silently offered. The last year he slept next to her had been different, it felt as if he was sleeping next to the ghost of what he could have, but his brain kept telling him no. He briefly closed his eyes and imagined what would happen if he could just allow himself to be lost in her body. He pushed the feeling down again and opened his eyes.

He put his hand on her cheek and smiled, “I’m mean, I’m flattered you want that with me, but why tell her?”

“We all need hope, I mean there’s no way in hell you’d touch me, but your mom seemed to forget her troubles for a while. I figured it was a good trade off.” She fiendishly grinned.

Joker’s eyes gave him away. Inside he would be thrilled to have a kid, with this woman, who had done nothing but treated him with kindness their whole friendship, but not now. Not ever. He wasn’t going to pass on Vrolijk syndrome to anyone.

“Did she calm down?”

“Oh yea, I told her I was kidding - but she’s convinced we are a couple now, so you better play along.”

Joker laid back down and watched the stars again. There was no one else he’d rather be with, and was it really playing long if he wished it were true?

“Oh I’ll get you, don’t worry. I’ll make you regret that.” He grinned.

“I’d like to see you try.”

They continued staring gazing for a while, all the time he hadn’t let go of her hand.

[jonahxrivas]

He did. He knew everything and yet he did it anyway. The choice hadn't been easy and it pained him immensely to leave but to not was the same effect too. "I know you would've...that's exactly why I couldn't say it." What could he even say? I need to see them so I have to forget you? "I told no one, not you, not Rohan, or Nico...no one of my friends or even co-workers, the only one that knew was my boss but only because she wanted to know the reason. It ate away at me, Bri I..." Despite foolishly trying to hold them back tears rolled out at their will as great waves off emotions crashed inside him, "I did not want to die here and not see my parents again. That's why I couldn't tell you the most...you went through that. I know you'd understand but I still couldn't pluck the courage. I couldn't handle another breakdown out of sheer fear and anxiety, leaving seemed like the only way." To forget everything, to return to a normal human life, but he couldn't live like that either not when he still had memories of people here.

"I don't mean guess as in literally, I wasn't being flippant or only assuming... I..." he sighed, he had forgotten how terrible he was when it came to expressing things, saying the first word that came to mind without taking the time to think if it made sense contextual hadn't worked in the past and stupid of him to think it would this round, "I'm not good with words in general, worse when I'm emotional....sorry for saying guess, that was the wrong word. I know I hurt you and I wish I could turn back time and reverse that pain." Still, her words stung, "Mistake..?" he swallowed the lump forming again in his throat, "Are- Are we not close anymore? I understand this wasn't a little mistake of mine, and you don't have to forgive me..." his voice cracked again at the prospect of Bri feeling like their closeness was a mistake, "But you are family and my closet friend. Do you not see me as such anymore?"

"Yeah, it was," Bri murmured out. "And yet you did it anyway. You didn't know how much that would hurt? After everything we've been through?" He knew how afraid Bri had been of potentially losing him. Of being forgotten. He knew how much she had needed him and, yet, he had just up and left. Vanished out of her life just like that. He didn't even say when he'd come back. The vague 'I'll be back one day' could have meant years from now or never for all she knew, depending on how much of his memory ended up being erased. And the only tangible objects he had left behind for her was a food that would expire and a shitty note. He hadn't even trusted her enough to watch over the turtle she had been the one to gift him. And the worst part? The worst part of it all was that she hadn't even been allowed to express how mad she was at him. He had robbed that from her the moment he ditched town in the middle of the night. Instead, she was left having to worry.

"Because, if you didn't then... then I don't really know what to tell you? And you know what sucks?" Bri's voice cracked. Tears began to brim in her own eyes as she let out a shaky breath. "I of all people would have understood the feeling of desperately needing your family." If he had just told in person that he'd be gone for two months to visit his parents, but that he'd be back in handful of weeks, she would have understood. It would have sucked, but it would be okay because it was essentially the equivalent of going on a prolonged vacation and, yeah, he'd forget her, but he had opportunity to still see them, so she would have encouraged him to take it. Meanwhile, if she hopped in a car to head into the City or on a plane to Oregon, it's not like she could just show up on her own parent's doorsteps. 'Hi mom'. 'Hi dad'. 'It's me, Bri, back from the dead'. She would give anything to see her parents again. To hear their voice. To let them know she was okay. But, if she ever tried, she'd be breaking the accords and then, not only her life would be at risk, but theirs would be too. So, she understood where he had been coming from. She did. She would have probably even asked him to check on her dad for her. Sure, Jonah would forget her, but maybe if he wrote himself a vague reminder, he could have told her dad something? Checked to make sure he was eating right? Let him known that she would have wanted him to move on or be happy? Something? But, just as he denied her the ability to be upset at him the moment after she had read that note, he had denied her that too.

"But, um, if you really only guessed, then... then message received. I thought we were closer than that, but that was my mistake. So, welcome back, I guess?"

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Laisse tomber les filles 7

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape; size kink; age gap; manipulation; sexual acts and dubcon (not explicitly tagged for a surprise but nothing extreme).

This is a dark!fic and Lee Bodecker x (short) reader and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Synopsis: You find yourself ostracized on campus by your shyness, but your reticence won’t deter an unwanted suitor.

Note: We back at it again! Happy Tuesday.

Thanks to everyone for reading and thanks in advance for all your feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 As usual, I’d appreciate if you let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

‘When I was nineteen, pureness was the great issue...I saw the world divided into people who had slept with somebody and people who hadn’t, and this seemed the only really significant difference between one person and another. I thought a spectacular change would come over me the day I crossed the boundary line.’

You read and reread the paragraph. You couldn’t help it. The first time you read that book, you just didn’t get the cynicism. There were still parts you couldn’t quite relate to. But that passage sank into you like a pebble in water. You felt changed already and after something so little.

You hadn’t seen Lee since Saturday. He had your number now and called at night. A few times, there was noise in the background; people, cars, life. You realised he must’ve been at a payphone, taking a moment away from his patrol. That was another thing about him; he felt so established, so wise, and that made you feel even less.

When the phone began to ring that night, you ignored it. And when it stopped, you picked up the receiver and dialed the only number you knew. Your mom picked up and you heard the sink running in the background. She was always busy when you called.

“Mom,” you said, “it’s me.”

“Oh, hi, dear,” she replied in her creaky tone, “how are you? Oh, is something wrong?”

“Um… I’m okay, I just wanted to call, I…” you thought of telling her about Lee but you weren’t really sure how. You weren’t even sure why you called her, only that you felt alone. “I miss you and daddy.”

“We miss you, too,” you heard her steps and her grunt as she stretched the cord and twisted off the faucet. “He’s been working hard down at the steel yard and he’s so proud. All the other men tell him to hush up when he brags about you.”

“Yeah? I… I’m working hard. Got an A on my last paper,” you played with the coiled cord.

“That’s great, dear,” she chimed, “are you sure you’re okay? You sound tired.”

“I am tired,” you said, “that’s all. Studying and all that.”

“I hope so. I wouldn’t want you going out late to one of those parties,” she tittered, “Noreen’s son got arrested at one of those and spent a night in jail. They spent their mortgage to get him out.”

“No, no, I don’t, um, go to parties,” you assured, not adding that no one would even think to invite you to one.

“Oh, dear, I’m sorry, I’ll have to call back tomorrow,” she sighed as you heard the door clamour, “your father’s so intent on hurting himself these days.”

“Okay, um, it’s alright, I’ll talk later, love y--” the phone went dead and you listened to the dull tone.

You put the receiver back in the cradle and tapped your fingers on your lips. You picked up your book and sat back on your bed. You couldn’t focus on the words though as your mind lingered on the familiar sounds of home. You missed it terribly. You just wanted to take the bus and go hide in your old childhood bed.

The phone rang again. You knew it wasn’t your mother. You left it and when it silenced, there was only a second before it started again. You waited until the next lull and moved the receiver off the cradle and let the low hum rise from the speaker. You kept it off the hook and closed your book.

You didn’t want to deal with any of that today. Not Lee, not Plath, not the plague of woes that roiled your stomach. You flopped onto your bed and pulled your pillow over your head. You weren’t going to think again until your morning lecture.

📚

You sat near the front of the hall with your elbow on the small fold-out desk. You swirled your pen lazily in the air as you listened to the professor expound on the flaws of historical revisionism. He wasn’t the type to entertain questions or comments, he merely ranted and expected you to note those few words of value amidst the sea of thoughts.

You yawned, exhausted despite an early night. You felt empty and drained those last four days. Ever since…

You didn’t think about it. Tried not to even as it tugged at your mind. When the memory managed to poke through, you felt the same tingle between your legs and your cheeks burned in humiliation. 

How had you let it happen? How could you let yourself do that?

You were so confused by it all. How could it be wrong if Lee said it was right? He was older, he was a cop, and he knew much more than you. You never even kissed a boy before him and he was so confident in everything he did that he must be doing it all right. 

Besides, after everything, if you refused him, you’d have only been leading him on and using him for his kindness, even if you didn’t realise what you were doing. Because what you did know was that he was a man and you were a woman and that he was doing nice things for you. And you accepted them all. The least you could do was bide his affection. That was the age old exchange, was it not?

“Next week, we’ll review chapters five and six,” the professor’s tone piqued as his ramble subsided, “I expect a class discussion and you can expect ten percent of your mark to be evaluated from your contribution and I will know if you just ‘skimmed’ the introduction.’

The class grumbled as he dismissed you and you stood slowly, stretching the cramp from your leg. You packed up your bag and hauled it on your shoulder. You had a gap between that class and your afternoon publishing class. You trailed out behind the flow of chattering students but found many of them lowered their voices as they came out into the hall.

There voices fell to whispers as they entered the hall. The sight of a brown hat assured you of the reason. Sheriff Bodecker stood against the painted brick and watched the students pass by, each eyeing him nervously and some chuckling under their breaths nervously. You tried to hide behind a taller student but your name tripped you up.

Despite your efforts to maintain your invisibility, he’d spotted you and you knew you could run away. Several of your peers craned around to watch you, no doubt suspecting some trouble on your part. You dragged your feet and stepped out of the tide of fleeing co-eds to stand along the wall with Lee.

“Hi,” you said quietly.

“Young lady,” he said staunchly and kept his eyes on the other students, nodding at them darkly as they passed.

He waited until the hall was empty before he turned on you. You fidgeted and caught your bag as it slipped from your shoulder. Your thoughts wrinkled above your brow and you stared at his brown leather shoes.

“How did you… find me here?”

He was silent as he reached in his jacket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He opened it and showed you a print-out of your schedule.

“Easy enough,” he tapped his badge nonchalantly, “I was worried. You didn’t answer last night.”

“I fell asleep early,” you said weakly, “morning lecture, you know?”

“Mmm,” he hummed, “not that early.”

“I’m sorry, I was sleep--”

“You’re no good at lying and I don’t like you telling me fibs,” he growled, “you playin’ around with me, honey.”

“No, I…” you blinked as he folded the paper back into his pocket and pushed his jacket back to settle his hand on his pistol.

“Did you forget who I am? What I am?” he arched a brow darkly.

“N-No, sir, I… I got schoolwork and--”

“You can’t stop and talk to me for ten minutes?” he challenged, “you hurt me, honey. I’m out on patrol all night, in danger, and the only thing I got to look forward to is hearing your sweet voice.”

“I, um, I… er, I’m confused,” you eked out, “I don’t know… I…”

“Honey,” he leaned in and his hot breath glossed over you as he lowered his voice, “you know what this is, we both know what a bad girl you were on Saturday.”

“I didn’t…” you swallowed and choked on your voice, “I gotta go to the library--”

You tried to turn away but were pulled back by his tight grip on your arm. He forced you against the wall and knocked the wind from you as your bag tumbled from your arm. You gasped and stared up at him in fright. In that moment, he seemed bigger than ever; taller, thicker, and strong as hell. Stronger than you for sure.

“You don’t go nowhere ‘less I say you do,” his other hand shifted on his gun, “you got me?”

“What are you-- I didn’t… why are you being mean?”

“Me? Honey pie, you been avoiding me and I’m mean?” he snarled.

“I wasn’t avoiding you, I’m just... busy,” you whimpered as he squeezed your arm so tight it throbbed, “you’re hurting me.”

“You’re hurting me,” he hissed, “you think I got time to be comin’ down here on duty to find you?”

“You didn’t have to--”

“I did,” he barked, “I had to make sure you weren’t hussyin’ around with any other boys, like I found you last week.”

“I told you, that wasn’t--”

“Shhhhh,” his hand flew to your chin and forced your mouth shut, “I don’t got the time for this, honey. I’ll be around tonight and you’ll wear a pretty dress for me, won’t you?”

You clenched your jaw and nodded stiffly as his thumb toyed with your lip. He smiled and the tension left his grasp.

“Good girl,” he drew away and squared his shoulders, “you be ready at six and don’t keep me waitin’ again.”

“Yes, sir,” you croaked.

“Mmm,” he nodded with a smirk, “you know, I think I do prefer ‘sir’.” He bent and kissed your lips before you could turn away. You let him and he stood straight again and adjusted his belt, “six o’clock, honey pie.”

[ilosttrackofthings]

I’ve decided to reread Harry Potter for the first time in a decade for Halloween (because reasons I guess) and here are my thoughts/observations as of finishing CoS.

I continue to hate Dumbledore. I’m definitely seeing him as more fleshed out, but that doesn’t make him better. Like, he’s really good with the kids, he clearly still understands what it’s like to be young and sympathizes with them in ways adults tend not to, it’s easy to see why Harry hero worships him. But that’s just the problem because understanding the kids also means he’s better at manipulating them.

It’s even addressed! Someone brings up that it almost seems like Dumbledore arranged everything in PS so Harry would face Voldemort and Harry, being an eleven year-old, defends him by saying that Dumbledore just knew he needed the chance to face him. Which makes sense because he’s ELEVEN, but anyone with critical thinking skills should be like “ummmmm...” So yeah. I still hate Dumbledore.

And guys it’s so obvious he was always gay! He wears a flower bonnet at Christmas! It’s S U B T E X T

The centaurs so clearly already know Harry’s gonna die and the first time it reads like they know he’s in danger or like he circumvents fate but NO it’s the future-future and my HEART

I never appreciated before how witty Snape is. His protection for the stone is a riddle and his final for the first years is to brew a forgetfulness potion from memory. And when Ginny’s taken to the Chamber, he’s the one who steps in and gets Lockhart out of the way. And he’s a jerk to the kids but we also see him being at least decent to his coworkers. If he could’ve just gotten over Lily, he could’ve had his own child to send to Hogwarts to torment Harry instead of having to work through Draco (who, frankly, is a little shit. I still love him but man does he make it rough).

The Improper Use of Magic office sends Harry a reminder that Muggles shouldn’t be exposed to magic via an owl that drops the letter on a Muggle’s head. Nice.

Dumbledore says in PS that he’s leaving Harry with the Dursleys in part because it will be better for his development; he won’t grow up knowing he’s this famous figure and get a big head or something. (Obviously this is a complete lie, there’s plenty of meta out there about this being not only because of the Lily’s blood thing but also because it’s a great way for Dumbledore to make himself a heroic figure in Harry’s life; regardless I’m still gonna tear it apart.) Except that Harry winds up with no idea how to handle his own fame. If he’d grown up knowing about it, he could’ve developed mechanisms to deal with awkward moments and people taking him off guard and all that uncomfortable stuff we see him struggling over throughout the books.

In CoS we see the teachers suddenly giving out points like Mardi Gras beads. In PS the kids had to do something exceptional to earn points but now they’re getting them just for throwing out answers in class. Which makes me think the teachers, after six years of Slytherin wins, were being stingy with the points to try to hold them back from a seventh year win.

Am I still bitter the House Cup was stolen from them in PS? A little less tbh. There’s an argument to be made Harry and co earned those points (even if it’s obnoxiously obvious that Dumbledore gave them just enough to put them over) but should they have been awarded at the feast already being held in Slytherin’s honor? This wasn’t like CoS where the feast was an impromptu thing immediately after the climactic battle. There was plenty of time in between to dole out those points without embarrassing Slytherin.

After spending a year blindly buying into Lockhart’s bullshit, Hermione will go on to out Lupin as a werewolf. I know Snape basically fed her all the info, but I really think the shame of being so utterly wrong about Lockhart (especially when the boys were right) really stuck with her.

Listen, I am trying to like Dobby here, he’s enduring terrible punishments and risking worse just to protect this child he’s never met, but his speech pattern is sooo much like Gollum’s and that is not helping.

Speaking of, based on everything that happens there’s no reason to assume Dobby doesn’t see Petunia take a swing at Harry with a frying pan and he still goes through with his “stay with the Dursleys” plan. Because that wouldn’t kill him.

Back in PS, after sending Norbert off to Charlie, Harry and Hermione are caught coming down from the Astronomy Tower by McGonagall. (Ron is absent because he was bitten by Norbert and needed medical treatment to avoid losing his hand.) In CoS, when Hermione’s petrified and McGonagall is taking Harry aside to tell him, Ron is almost an afterthought, only being brought along because he shows up. I’m just saying, McGonagall thought Harry and Hermione were making out on the Astronomy Tower and that they’re an adorable tween couple.

Tom: “You think I was going to use my filthy Muggle father’s name forever?” But... But it’s there, Tom. It’s right there. In your new name. ‘Cause you made it out of the letters of your old name. You’re still carrying him around, Tom.

As I’m reading I’m mentally comparing these to what I remember of the films (I haven’t watched them since even before my last reread so I don’t remember much) and imagining a more faithful netflix series version. The only thing so far that I’d want changed from the way it plays out in the books is the Percy/Penelope revelation. He should’ve gotten a big reunion with her at the feast.

[lockley-spktr]

Start With One

Summary: Bucky’s conversation with Sam makes him think of someone who he owes an apology to.

Word count: 2,715 

Warnings: None that I know of. There is some angst if you squint, but this is mostly fluff with the start of friends to lovers.

Author’s note: This is my first time writing for Bucky. I had this idea after I watched TFATWS EP 5 last Friday. It’s been a work in progress since then. Feedback is appreciated!

Every moment that passed by standing in front of your door was agony for Bucky. 

He wasn't sure how’d you react to seeing him after all this time, especially since he had left abruptly without a goodbye or an explanation of where he was going.

Part of him felt like he was overreacting the two of you weren't dating, but you had been friends for nearly a year.

She's your only friend, your best friend. He thought.

Bucky raised his hand to knock on your door one last time, but before he could you opened the door.

When you heard the sound of knocking on your door you ignored it at first, too engrossed in an episode of your TV show. You just figured whoever it was would take the hint and go away, but they didn't. They knocked again, and again, and you realized you couldn't ignore them anymore. 

The last person you expected to see standing in front of you when you swung the door open was Bucky Barnes considering he had been MIA for the past week.

You were angry, he had you worried sick, but when you saw him in front of you alive and well, physically speaking at least, all of those negative feelings momentarily faded away.

Bucky hadn't expected you to embrace him, you could tell by the way he tensed up when you first wrapped your arms around him, but after a moment he relaxed and hugged you back. 

Honestly, you hadn't expected to hug him or for him to hug you back, but you felt a sense of relief knowing he was safe in your arms and that you were safe in his.

When you pull apart Bucky notices your expression change, he should've figured you wouldn't let him off the hook that easy.

“Can I come in?” Bucky asks.

You nod, making your way to the couch, Bucky takes the hint and follows you.

Bucky drops his backpack next to your couch, taking his gloves off as he sits down. You sit down on the opposite end of the couch, keeping a distance between the two of you.

Normally the two of you would practically sit on top of each other, sharing a blanket while you watched a movie or just talked. 

This was different though. This talk wasn't going to be like all the others. 

“It was wrong of me to leave without saying goodbye. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry.” 

“You’re right, you shouldn't have done that, but you're going to have to do a lot better than one I'm sorry.” 

“Doll, I–”

“No, you don't get to do that. You don't get to charm your way out of this one.” 

Bucky shakes his head, “I’m not trying to charm my way out of anything.“

“Then what are you trying to do?”

“Apologize.” 

You scoff, “I told you. You're going to have to do better than one I'm sorry, that won’t fix this.” 

“What can I do to fix this?”

Sighing you run your hand through your hair. You could tell that this was hard for him, you knew how guarded he was, but you thought your relationship was different, Bucky told you everything even the hard stuff. 

You knew about his time as The Winter Soldier and you didn't judge him for it, that wasn't him, you knew that. 

You trusted Bucky and you thought he trusted you, that's why him disappearing and ignoring your calls hurt so much. 

“You can start by explaining a few things to me.”

“Alright, that's fair. I do owe you a few explanations.”

“Yeah, you do.”

Bucky sighs, playing with his hands, “Where do you want me to start?”

You soften a little bit, “Wherever you want to.”

Bucky starts by telling you who he was with and where he was. He spares you the details of exactly what happened. He had a feeling a lot of it would upset you. And the last thing he wanted to do was further upset you.

There were things he couldn't shake that he wanted to tell you about like Zemo practically selling him off; treating him like he wasn't a person, and Ayo removing his arm during their fight, but now wasn't the time for all of that. Bucky wasn't even sure if he was ready to talk about how any of that made him feel. When he was ready, he'd tell you. After all, he had trusted you with everything else so far.

You didn’t have any over-the-top reactions to anything he told you. You knew he could tell you were worried and upset, but you couldn't help it. You care about him. You really care about him. 

You don't say much when he finishes explaining what happened, you just move a little bit closer to him and Bucky feels a wave of relief wash over him. You're still maintaining your distance. He knows he's not out of the woods yet. 

“Why didn't you tell me where you were going? Why didn't you say goodbye?” You ask, your voice sounds so small that it makes Bucky’s heart hurt. 

“I was scared. I didn't know what to tell you, I wanted to protect you.”

You can tell he's telling the truth. It's an innocent enough answer, but it makes your blood boil.

“The truth, you always tell me the truth,” you run your hands through your hair, “I was scared too. I went to go check on you after I saw John on the news with the shield, but you weren't there, then I called you a dozen times, and instead of answering you sent me to voicemail. I care about you. I’ve been worried sick about you for a whole week. By not telling me things and not saying goodbye to me you just made things worse.”

“I’m sorry, I really am,” he pauses, “I’m not used to people caring about me.” 

You move closer to him, “Bucky, I've cared about you since the moment I met you,” taking both his hands in yours you squeeze them, “And I will always care about you.”

Bucky smiles, it's a small one, but it's a genuine one. “I care about you too.” He looks down at your hands in his, “Does this mean we’re okay?”

You nod, “We’re okay, but if you ever disappear on me like that again we won't be, understood?” 

Bucky nods, “Understood.”

You cuddle up against him, “I missed you.”

Bucky relaxes feeling you against him, he moves his hand up and down your arm, “I missed you too.”

“Why'd you bring your backpack with you?”

“You noticed that, huh?”

You chuckle, “Kind of hard not to.”

“I came straight here from the airport. I was with Sam, his sister, and her kids in Louisiana.” 

You look up at him, “Oh, what were you doing there?”

“I went to deliver something from the Wakandans. I ended up staying there for a bit to help out with boat repairs.”

“So you and Sam are friends now?”

“We’re co-workers.”

“You're definitely friends, but okay Bucky, whatever you say.” 

That makes Bucky laugh. Yeah, they were friends now, but he wasn't going to admit that to you or Sam for that matter. 

“Why'd you come straight here from the airport?” 

“Sam and I had a talk. He said something that wasn't about you, but it got me thinking about you. And I told you, I missed you. I wanted to see you.” 

“What did Sam say?” 

“We were talking about my list amends, he told me I was avenging rather than amending–”

You cut him off, “He's right about that.”

“Yes, Doll, I'm aware of that now.”

“As long as you're aware, keep going.” 

“He told me I have to be of service to the people I'm trying to make amends with. I need to make them feel better and bring them closure.” 

“He's also right about that, but how did that get you thinking about me? You didn't wrong me or anyone I know as the Winter Soldier.”

“I know that, but I owed you an apology and clarity about where I ran off to without saying goodbye,” he pauses looking down at you, “And to be fair you were on my mind the whole time I was gone. You're the most important person in my life, you know that, right?”

You nod, “Now I do. And I appreciate your apology. I know that coming here to have an uncomfortable conversation wasn't easy for you. You've come a long way and I'm proud of you.”

Bucky shakes his head, “I haven't come that far.” 

You sit up and face him, “Don't do that.” 

“Don't do what?” 

“Put yourself down like that. You have come a long way. You should give yourself credit for that.”

“Sometimes it doesn't feel like it.”

“Hey, I know that sometimes your thoughts aren't your friends and your brain feels like your own worst enemy, trust me, I do, but those negative thoughts are lying to you,” you hold his hands, “You're a good man Bucky, you deserve to be happy, have moments of calm, and have a good life.”

“Doll, I've done terrible things.”

“That wasn't you, you know that. You didn't have a choice, you weren't in control.”

“But I remember all of them, I have memories of that time of my life.”

“So? That doesn't mean that was you. Bucky, what you experienced was traumatizing. You aren't just going to forget that time of your life even though you weren't the one in control,” pausing you rub your thumbs over his knuckles, “Let me ask you this, do you want to do any of what he did back then now?”

Bucky shakes his head, “No of course not.” 

“You wouldn't do any of that now when you have control of your mind, so that means that isn't who you are. You aren't the Winter Soldier, you're James Bucky Barnes.”

“I don't know who James Bucky Barnes is anymore.”

“Who do you want him to be?”

“What?”

“You’re free to be whoever you want to be now, James Bucky Barnes gets to be whoever you want him to be. You don't have to answer my question out loud, just answer it for yourself, you're the only person who needs to know the answer.”

“Sam told me that I have to stop looking at other people to tell me who I am.”

You smile, “I gotta meet this Sam guy, he seems like he's pretty smart.”

Bucky laughs at that and rolls his eyes.

“He's right though. If you keep looking at others to tell you who you are you won't ever truly know who you are.” 

Bucky sighs, “I know, Doll, I know.”

“Why don't you try going on some more dates? Put yourself out there, Ya know? It might be a good way to meet new people and learn more about yourself in the process.” 

It pained you to say that, but if anybody deserved to be with somebody it was Bucky. Although you couldn't deny that you'd like to be that somebody. The thought of losing him hurt too much, you decided that his friendship was enough, you just wanted to keep him in your life.

Bucky groans, “You know I hate those dating apps.”

You roll your eyes letting out a soft chuckle, “I never said you had to use a dating app. You could just go out and meet someone in public, Ya know like you used to do back in the day?”

“You did not just “back in the day” me.”

“Oh yes, I did.”

“That's a low blow.” 

“Sorry old man, I can't resist sometimes,” you nudge his leg with yours, “Seriously, anyone would be lucky to go on a date with you, I meant what I said earlier, you're a good man.”

Bucky shifts in his spot so he's fully facing you, he holds your hands and brushes his thumb over your knuckles,  just like you did for him moments ago. 

You can tell he wants to say something, he's got that look on his face. You noticed he had shifted in his spot, he had fully opened up to you physically, but still, he wasn't saying anything. 

“What is it, Bucky?”

“Why don't we go on a date?”

Looking at him your eyes go wide, you hadn't been expecting him to say that, “What?”

Your voice was soft, Bucky could tell his question surprised you. In all fairness, it had surprised him too. There had been a few times where he almost asked you out, but he never did. He was always too scared to go through with it.

He didn't want to ruin your friendship, he didn't want to lose you. So Bucky never said anything at all, he always told himself that his friendship with you was enough and it was, but he wanted more. 

The only person Bucky wanted to go on a date with was you.

“Y/N, I like you, I want to take you out on a date.”

The smile on your face reaches your eyes. Bucky swears his heart is about to burst.

“Really? You like me?” You ask in disbelief and Bucky can't help the laugh he lets out at that as he nods, “Yes, really, I like you.” 

Now you're laughing, full of joy as you wrap your arms around him, the position is awkward since the two of you are still seated on the couch, but neither you nor Bucky care.

“I take it that the feeling is mutual?” Bucky asks, his voice is playful, but you can hear the serious tone that's underlying. 

You pull away from him, that smile still on your face, “Yes Bucky, it is.” 

“So you're going to let me take you out on that date?”

“Of course.”

“Where do you want to go?” He asks.

“That's up to you to decide.” You answer snuggling up to his side again, Bucky wraps his arm around you and you feel him relax.

“Why do you want me to decide?” He asks.

“Because you can.“

It's a simple answer, but it holds so much weight. Both of you know that.

The two of you sit in comfortable silence for a while after that. Bucky’s moving his hand up and down your arm. His hand is warm and his touch is soft. 

After a while Bucky breaks the silence, clearing his throat as he looks at his watch, “Doll, it's late. I should go.” 

You look up at him, “You don't have to go. You can stay if you want to.”

Bucky looks down at you, “Yeah?”

You nod, “Yeah. We can sleep in my bed or we can sleep on the couch, it might be a little bit more firm than my mattress.” 

“I don't think we’ll fit comfortably on the couch. I don't want you to be uncomfortable because of me.”

“Bucky, you could never make me uncomfortable. And the couch pulls out into a bed. The mattress isn't all that great, but it's certainly better than the floor. Although if you wanted me to I would sleep on the floor with you.”

“I know you would but the couch is fine, I promise.”

You get up and extend your hand to him, “Come on, help me set up.”

Bucky doesn't say anything, he just takes your hand with a smile on his face getting up off the couch. 

The two of you have the pull-out bed set up in no time. You go into your room to get pillows, while Bucky makes himself comfortable on the bed. 

A few minutes go by before you make your way back into the living room, putting the pillows on the bed you look down at Bucky, “Do you need anything before I lay down?” 

Bucky shakes his head, “Just need you.”

You laugh shaking your head. There it is, that charm. 

Once you're under the covers you look up at him, “Hold me, please?” 

“‘Course.” 

Bucky rests his chin on your head and wraps his arms around you.

“You’re warm,” you mumble into his chest causing him to chuckle softly, “I’m glad you're here, Bucky.”

“I’m glad I’m here too, Doll.”

[nightshade-minho]

-Blue Book- (11) 

Warnings: anger, stress, y/n briefly wants to murder felix, a lot of negative emotions, headaches, light suggestiveness, britney spears cameo (nah just kidding- or am i) 

Wc: 4.1k (finally a blue book part that’s longer than 2k)

Stop. Stop thinking about her. Stop thinking about how she’s probably out with Minho right now, having fun and laughing over inside jokes.

Sometimes he wished he could just dig into his brain and remove all traces of you. He simply couldn't think of another way to truly get rid of you, eradicate every remnant that stayed in his brain, reminding him how he’d felt back then. 

Years had passed, and he still wasn't over it. There was a tiny part of him that thought maybe seeing you again would calm him down, and remind him that it wasn't a big deal. You'd changed, and he had too. It was time to get over petty high school grievances.

And yet, when he saw you with Minho again...he realized it simply wasn't possible. You were going to plague him for the rest of your life, and he knew it.

"I know pancakes are a weird choice for dinner but- Are you listening to me? Earth to Chan-"

Chan snapped back to reality, blinking as he stared at Felix, who pushed a plate of pancakes towards him, a concerned look on his face.

"I was asking you where you're staying at right now."

"Oh." Chan nodded thankfully, taking the fork and digging in. He was terribly hungry, and he'd missed Felix's cooking. His pancakes were always so soft and fluffy...a lot like him, to be honest.

To be honest, he didn't quite know yet. He hadn't left his parents on good terms, and now he found himself penniless unless he made up with them. Not one to beg, he'd decided to look around for a job. So far, he wasn’t all that successful. There was a heavy weight on his heart preventing him from truly committing to his work. He found it impossible to focus.

Felix sighed, taking a seat opposite him. " Chan...do you not have a place to stay?"

He shook his head finally, his gaze on the plate as he ate. He'd already told Felix the situation with his parents, somewhat. If his perception of Felix was right, he would be overcome with sympathy.

He was right. Felix wrung his fingers, his thoughts racing. He hated seeing the distraught expression on Chan's face. The words were on the tip of his tongue- the only thing stopping him was the thought of how you'd react.

You'd be pissed, beyond doubt.

Felix swallowed. Then again, this was his apartment. You didn't really have the right to oppose him if he wanted to let someone else stay for a bit. Besides, maybe he'd be able to talk some sense into you?

How bad could it be?

"Chan..." He began, inhaling.

"Do you want to stay here? At least until you find a place."

Chan sighed. There it was. He wasn’t surprised to find out he’d predicted correctly. Felix had been his best friend, after all. He knew him like the back of his hand. "Are you sure you...and your roommate...would be fine with it?"

"I'm positive." He lied, scratching the back of his neck as Chan groaned. 

He didn't really have another choice. Psyching himself up to agree, Chan sucked in a breath and pushed away his intruding emotions.

"Sure."

***

You knocked on the door, inhaling deeply as you ran through all the different ways you were going to murder Felix in your head. You couldn’t believe it. He really had the audacity to not only invite him over, but also neglect to inform you the same.

Tapping your foot, you rubbed your forehead as the door remained closed. Sighing, you dug into your bag for your keys, procuring them after a few seconds of searching through the crumpled chewing gum packets and loose coins. You really had to clear out your bag sometime.

You entered your apartment, yawning as you shed your coat, heading to the kitchen for a drink. Your throat was dry, your head pounding with stress. Ugh, what a bad day it had been. Marginally better due to the time you’d spent with Minho- but still bad. Chan’s sudden appearance really had put a damper on everything you’d done since then.

As you reached the kitchen, you stopped in your tracks.

Fuck. You turned around immediately when you saw who was sat at the table, an empty plate in front of him as he scrolled through his phone. He hadn’t seen you standing in the doorway. Yet.

Carefully, you started padding away as quietly as possible. Unfortunately, the gods really weren’t in the mood to smile upon you today.

“Y/n?” 

His voice was tired, bare of any emotion whatsoever. You twisted your neck to look at him, opening your mouth and closing it. He was staring at you, his eyes devoid of feeling, his lips pressed in a thin line. You had no clue what to say. Looking at his face again brought back memories you’d much rather forget.

“It’s...nice to see you again.” He mumbled, tearing his gaze away from you.

‘Nice’ was really not the word. 

“Yeah. How have you been?” You managed to ask, swallowing the lump in your throat. He drummed his fingers on the table top as his mind searched for an appropriate response. You watched him, your heart clenching as you remembered the way his hand felt in yours. 

“Fine.” He finally decided to say. “I’ve been fine, more or less.” After all, he was used to lying.

“And you? Having fun with Minho?” There was a slight bite to his voice as he uttered the words, making you raise an eyebrow. Suddenly, the anger you harbored towards him was reignited. What was he implying? It shocked you that he could talk like that, without a trace of apology in his tone. As if it was you who’d betrayed him, and not the other way around.

“For your information, yes. We’re having a lot of fun.” You snapped, turning and leaving the kitchen to go straight to your room. Just read a book, listen to some music and calm yourself down. He’ll be gone soon.

Chan watched you walk away, his hands balling into fists. So you had absolutely no remorse, whatsoever. 

He bit his lip, hating the weird amalgamation of emotions that were gripping him like a vice. He’d felt envy flood him as you said it, rubbing it in his face. Shaking his head, he turned back to his phone, biting his lip.

***

You knocked on Felix's door, biting your lip in anger as you waited for him to open it. Tapping your foot, you shook your head. Why was he still here, even? He should be gone by now.

"Looking for Felix?"

You started, turning around with a glare on your face.

Shit. He was way too close to you, his face inches away from yours. All you'd have to do is lean in just the tiniest bit, and your lips would be on his...

"He went out. Errands. Won't be back till tonight."

You groaned, taking a step back as you rolled your eyes. "Okay, whatever."

Chan watched you, an amused smile making its way onto his face. He'd flustered you a little, that much was evident. He wasn't quite sure yet if that was something to be proud of...but it was the little victories that counted, right? A part of him was glad that he still managed to have some sort of effect on you, even after all these years.

"You know if it's important, you can always tell me. Is there anything I can get you?"

You scoffed, shaking your head as you backed up further, your hand on the doorknob. "This is my home." you reminded him, his incredulous sentence rubbing you the wrong way.

Chan almost felt bad for you.

Shrugging, he turned to walk away. "Not anymore."

"Huh?" His words took a while to sink into your brain, and you raised your eyebrow in confusion. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Y/n...is that any way to talk to your new roommate?"

No. No way. Felix wouldn't...

"What?!"

"Not forever." He shrugged, his hand running through his hair. "Just until I find a permanent place to stay. Until then though, I'll be here."

This couldn't be happening. The anger was increasing slowly, rage directed to your roommate as well as the man in front of you. 

Chan looked back at you, sighing as he noted the upset expression growing on your face. Did you really hate him that much?

"Look. I'll stay out of your hair." He muttered, his tone clipped. "I don't think it will be that difficult for us to co-exist if we manage to be civil to each other."

You pressed your lips together in a thin line. "Sure. I don't care." You had already planned on remaining in your room for the entirety of his stay, however impractical that would be. You weren’t ready to dig up all that trauma from your teenhood just yet.

Chan gritted his teeth, his eyes searching yours as he thought of what else to say. The atmosphere was tense- too many things left unsaid, half spoken promises lingering in the air between you. It was frustrating, yet Chan held himself back. He was an adult now. There was no space for immaturity or trivial grudges in his life currently- no, he had to stay strong. With his credentials, it would be fairly easy to land a job. He just had to speed the process up, and soon enough he’d be out of this apartment. 

So he took a deep breath and gave you a smile, turning around to go back to the kitchen. He prided himself in his decision, a small first step to eliminating his inability to let go.

You watched as he left, chewing on your lip. Your heart hammered against your ribcage as you turned to go back into your room, grabbing your phone and dialing Felix’s number aggressively.

“Where the fuck are you?”

“Um, I left to grab some groceries-”

“Did you really offer to let him stay at our place?” You asked, your tone calm as you gripped the bed sheets.

“W-well...yeah..” You heard him gulp on the line. “It’s just for a few days, Y/n, till he gets a job-”

“And do you know how long that’s going to take?” You hissed, rubbing your temple as you heard his footsteps in the kitchen.

“I...look, Y/n. You have every right to be angry. I’m sorry, I should have checked with you first before making a decision.”

“No shit.”

A sigh. “Look, I won’t be home till evening. Please um...keep it mature. Again, I’m sorry.”

You shook your head, cutting the call and throwing your phone onto the mattress. It was going to be fine, as long as you stayed away. The apartment was small, so you couldn’t avoid running into him, though...whatever. It’d be fine, you’d be able to hold yourself out for a few days, if Felix was to be believed. You rubbed your forehead, groaning.

You were in dire need of a nap. 

Sighing, you fell back onto the cushy pillows, curling up on the mattress. Your head was throbbing with the beginnings of a headache. You needed a glass of water, but you weren’t going to leave your room today, at least until Felix comes back.

You hated the way your heart was still pounding, your emotions a jumbled mess. It was natural, right? To be this affected? He was your first love, after all. And he’d betrayed you. 

At first, you didn’t want to believe it. There was a part of you that hoped a tiny part of Chan had actually loved you, a part that hoped Minho was lying. But then you’d asked Felix about the ‘bet’, and the guilty look on his face told you everything you needed to know. 

Of course it had been suspicious, the popular guy coming up to talk to you- a lonely new kid who barely anyone talked to, especially when half his friend group were cold to you. But the more time you spent with him, the more you had begun to feel like he truly did love you. Was it even possible to fake emotions as well as he had? Chan was a good actor.

After you left, Chan never acknowledged the message you’d sent him. Not at all. You’d poured your heart out, for nothing. It had been the final nail in the coffin, the final incident convincing you that he’d never truly loved you back.

You sighed and sat up to switch the lights off, flooding the room in darkness as you buried your face in the pillow. There was complete silence in the room for a few minutes, and you let out a peaceful hum, snuggling further into the blanket. Sleep was beginning to overtake you slowly, your eyes closing as you slipped further into dreamland. You slept for about an hour, untroubled.

That is, until there was a loud crash from beyond the door, forcing you to shoot up and rub your eyes, anger coursing through you. You threw the blankets off your figure, storming up to your door and flinging it open. Ugh, fuck this. Fuck staying in your room and not causing trouble. You needed an outlet for this pent up anger, or you were going to fucking lose it.

“What the fuck was that?” You called out loudly, only to be returned with complete silence. Standing in the middle of the empty living room, you furrowed your brows in confusion.

The bathroom door opened just as you were ready to turn around and head back into your room. Swiveling around, you glared at Chan as he stepped out, a rather innocent look on his face. Innocent...nothing like the fact that he was fresh out of the shower, naked except for a towel wrapped around his waist.

For a minute, you were rendered dumb. Your eyes watched as his dripping wet hair trailed droplets of water down his torso, down the ridges of his abs and disappearing into the towel. You didn’t even know he looked like that underneath those clothes...

“Hey. Sorry for the noise.” Chan mumbled, pushing his hair back as he closed the door behind him. “The shower caddy fell down randomly. Don’t worry, I fixed it.” 

His blank expression slowly transformed into something more devious as he shut the door. He smirked as he observed your expression, his ego boosting as he realized he was the reason you were speechless.

“I- well-” You grunted and shook your head. “You fucked up my nap. Thanks a fucking lot.” You grumbled, crossing your arms as you kept your gaze fixed on his face. “Now if there’s nothing else, I’ll be leaving.” You coughed, voice slightly shaky as you desperately tried to conceal your burning cheeks, 

“And...put some clothes on.” You grumbled before heading back. Before you could, though, you felt a hand wrapping around your wrist, pulling you back towards him.

Stopping yourself before you could stumble too close to him, you looked up at him angrily, yanking your wrist away. “What?” You hissed.

“You don’t look too well.” He said, lifting his hand to your forehead. Before he could press his hand to your skin though, you backed away out of his reach.

“I’m perfectly fine. It’s just a tiny headache.” You lied, your head throbbing with a migraine even as you said it.

“Hm.” Chan’s face softened a little as he sighed. “A headache? Do you need water? I have some pills that could help numb the pain.”

You shook your head vehemently. “I don’t want anything you offer me.” You tried to ignore the flash of hurt in his eyes as you said the words. No, Chan wasn’t the victim here, you were. What right did he have to display vulnerability?

“Fine.” Chan opened his mouth, looking like he had more to say. For a second, he contemplated blurting everything out then and there. He wanted you to know the pain he’d been living with through his years...he wanted you to know that despite your betrayal, you were all that was a constant in his mind. And yet, as he continued watching your icy glare, he knew you weren’t in a position to be amicable. 

“Get some rest.” He muttered, anger seeping in again at your coldness, mixing with the concern that was still etched into his heart.

“That’s what I was fucking doing before you woke me up so rudely.”

Ugh. God, he really did have enough of your behavior. 

“Stop being a brat, Y/n. Just because you’re sick doesn’t mean you get to be snippy with me. You have no right to be angry.”

The fuck? Oh, this entitled prick- 

“I have every right to be! This is my house you just barged into, I make the rules here. So shut up and leave me alone.” You spat out, clenching your fists.

Chan felt an unknown urge creep through his being as you continued your remarks, scrunching his eyes shut and trying to calm himself down for a second. Okay, so this definitely wasn’t the sunshiney Y/n he’d once known. 

“Felix asked me to stay, I didn’t barge in.. God, you really are a bitch. I’m a guest here, and yet you’re treating me like-”

That was the last straw. You inhaled deeply, feeling your headache grow worse as your anger amplified. You’d had enough. Biting your lip, you shoved past him and headed for the front door. You couldn’t be in the same space as this dickhead for a second longer.

“Where are you going?” His voice was confused, as he turned to look at you storming out in your pajamas.

“Fuck you. Away from here.” You explained, flashing him one last glare over your shoulder as you slammed the door behind you.

Chan stood in the middle of the room, letting out a deep sigh at your sudden departure. 

What was he going to tell Felix? He’d promised himself that he’d keep it civil. 

He seemed to be breaking a lot of promises lately...

***

You stood outside of the door, leaning against it and trying to calm down your breathing, chest heaving. Just the sight of him brought back memories you wished you could bury. How could you be expected to live in the same place as him without wanting to tear out your eyeballs?

Just when you’d thought you were finally moving on, he barreled his way back into your life. It wasn’t like you hadn’t tried to be mature. 

You just wanted him to know you were no longer the meek little optimistic girl you once had been. Adult life has a cruel way of opening your eyes. 

Rose colored lenses eventually lead to dismay and disappointment. 

***

You didn’t realize you were going to Minho’s apartment until you reached his door, hand poised over the door to knock. Breathing in, you firmly rapped on the wood. A few minutes of silence passed, and you tilted your head in confusion. Minho usually answered the door right away, without too much delay.

You waited a bit before deciding to ring the doorbell, heaving a sigh of relief when the door finally opened, revealing a smiling Minho.

“Hey, thought it was you. I was in the shower.” Clearly. His hair was slightly wet and he’d clearly pulled on the first shirt he could find- unless he actually liked wearing 2009 Britney Spears t-shirts around the house.

Why was the universe chucking so many soaking wet boys at you today? At least Minho was clothed.

You chuckled as you pointed out the motif on the shirt. “’Oops I Did It Again’? Really?”

He shook his head, crossing his arms. “Hey, that music video is a masterpiece. Did you know it was released on my birthday?”

You giggled. “Of course it was.”

He smiled, before standing up straighter. “Wait, why are you here?”

You pursed your lips playfully. “Do I need a reason to visit one of my best friends?”

“Of course you don’t. We just spent time together in the afternoon, though. Is there a reason you’re back so early?” He questioned, placing a finger on his chin and pretending like he was deep in thought. “Oh, got it. You can’t get enough of me.” He said smugly.

You rolled your eyes, walking in as he stood aside to let you in. Minho’s apartment was smaller than the one you shared with Felix, but a lot more nicely decorated. You flopped down onto the sofa, sighing. “That’s not it.” You shook your head. “It’s Chan.”

“Oh. Him.” Minho cleared his throat, crossing his arms as he came to sit down next to you. “What about him?” He asked carefully.

“He’s staying with us.”

“What?” Minho wasn’t sure he’d heard right for a moment, his eyebrows raising slightly.

“Yeah, Felix let him stay. Until he gets a job, apparently.” You groaned, slipping off your shoes and curling your knees up to your chest. “I can’t stand being around him. Not after what he did to me. You understand, right?”

Minho stayed silent for a few minutes, swallowing the lump in his throat as he leaned back. “Right…”

You watched Minho, frowning at his expression. “Anyway, as I said, I couldn’t stay there. Um, can I crash here for a few days? He said he’ll get a job soon and move out, so it’ll be quick.”

Minho’s eyes widened. “Oh? Yeah! You can! You can stay.” He blurted, trying not to seem too eager. His ears turned a light shade of red as he watched you nod in relief, snuggling further into the cushions. “I’ll take the couch.” You mumbled, eyes fluttering as you rubbed your forehead for the millionth time.

“No, you take my bed. I’m alright on the couch.”

You opened an eye, shaking your head. “Minho, this is your home. Unlike Chan, I’m a good house guest.”

“Yeah but... I don’t want you out here on the couch alone. This isn’t exactly a nice neighborhood.”

You sat up, sighing. “I’d feel bad stealing your bed while you sleep on this lumpy couch.”

“Aha! So you admit it’s uncomfortable! That’s it, you’re sleeping in my bed. Besides, it’s big enough for the two of us!” 

Minho wished he could take it back almost as soon as he said it. “Um, I mean…”

 You raised your eyebrows, shrugging. “Uh, no, it’s okay. I don’t mind.” You sat up, a little shakily as your head swam. “God, my head hurts.”

Minho shot up to his feet, sighing. “Come on, I’ll take you to bed.” He grabbed your hand gently, taking you to his bedroom and making you sit down on the edge. You hummed in content, eyes still closed as you burrowed under the covers, snuggling into Minho’s pillows that faintly smelled of his cologne. It was comforting, and soon you found sleep overtaking you.

Minho sighed as he watched you fall asleep, sitting on the edge of his bed. He was nowhere near sleepy and had originally been planning on making some dinner before you came, but now he didn’t want to leave you alone.

Groaning, he lay down on his mattress, pulling the sheets over his body and making sure to leave a respectful amount of distance between you.

He watched you for a while, your eyelashes fluttering slightly as you slept, chest rising and falling with your breaths.

He didn’t know what he was feeling, exactly. There were strong emotions gripping his heart, most of them towards you, and yet he couldn’t act on any of them. Hell, he couldn’t even comprehend half of them.

Minho turned to face the ceiling, eyes following the tiny crack in the plaster. He couldn’t deny it any longer. 

Guilt. The heavy weight sat on his heart was guilt. Thick, all consuming guilt, that threatened to swallow him whole unless he came clean.

He knew he didn’t deserve you...not just because of how he’d acted, but also because of what he was keeping from you. He didn’t deserve for you to accept his apologies, not after the way he’d treated you. Not after he’d kept the complete truth about Chan from you.

Was he being an asshole? Chan was once his friend. A close friend, one he spent every day with. And yet he’d screwed him over.

For a minute, he wondered what would happen if he told you that he’d been the one to make the bet. He’d made Chan continue with it despite his reluctance. He’d noticed Chan actually falling in love with you, and yet had brushed it over. 

Would you still be beside him now if you knew?

He doesn’t want to find out. No. 

There was moonlight streaming through his window, illuminating the entire room too brightly. The light, combined with the remorse, ensured a sleepless night.

He glanced at you again. At least he’d have you by his side. For now...

[malfoys-demigod]

Favorite City, Favorite Day

Elijah Mikaelson x Female!Reader

Prompts: “Since you’re visiting if I’m correct, why not let me show you around?”, “For the sake of curiosity, are you seeing anyone?”, and “You still have that gift from me? I figured you’d have thrown it away by now.” “No, I never would.”

Word Count: 1.5k 

Summary: After half a century, you return to New Orleans, to feel the nostalgia of your favorite city, celebrate your favorite day, and encounter your favorite person. 

A/N: My first TVD/TO fic is about Elijah! One of my favorite characters ever! I’ve been wanting to write during Spring break and here I am, publishing it on the first day after the break. Enjoy! 

New Orleans had not changed.

As you took your first step back in the famous French Quarter, you immediately felt the feeling of home overwhelm you with vast joy and nostalgia. From left to right, there were colorful lights and ecstatic people, making what New Orleans was famous for: the busy yet festiveness day and nightlife.

One thing you probably noticed is how much more people there were today than the last time you were here, which was ages ago.

Somehow, Marcel and Klaus, the co-kings of the city, had brought in more people to the city, boosting its attraction level, which made you wonder how they did it.

But despite having a more crowded place, you could still tell who were supernaturals and who weren’t around the areas. As you continued walking, you observed the body languages of the people around you, scanning to see the vampires walking around.

These were the men who were most loyal to the co-kings of New Orleans, taking precautions around the surroundings, making sure they were doing their jobs well by being the eyes of Marcel and Klaus when they were not around the busy nightlife.

Too concentrated in finding more supernaturals around you, you accidentally collided into someone in front of you, feeling the glass they were holding spill on them.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so-”, “I hope I didn’t create much damage on your Armani suit,” you rephrased cooly, changing your emotional reaction as you saw who you collided into.  

Elijah Mikaelson withdrew a handkerchief from his breast pocket, still not looking at you, dabbed his suit with the handkerchief, concentrating on the spill. “For having a good eye on my suit, think nothing of the spill, dear.”

Finally, he looked up, creating an astonished look on his eyes but a joyful smile on his face as he realized who he bumped into.

“I’d ask you to buy me a drink but this really isn’t my favorite part of the Quarter,” you smiled, trying to contain your happiness. But it was hard. “Oh, hello, old friend,” you laughed, finally wrapping your arms around Elijah, who hugged you back, chuckling along with you. “Y/N,” was all he said, but with pure delight in his voice, sounding like a person he hasn’t seen in almost a thousand years.

When you both pulled away, you looked at him from top to bottom, nodding in agreement with what you were thinking, “You, old friend, are looking ageless as ever,” you joked, earning a pleased smile from him.

“Likewise, darling,” he returned your compliment, “I take it that it’s been half a century already since you’ve last stepped foot into your favorite city?”

You nodded in agreement, “Yet nothing has barely changed here,” you noticed, looking around the street then back at him.

Elijah had a bright look on his face, hoping you were also talking about him, “Since you’re visiting if I’m correct, why not let me show you around?” he asked.

“Well if it isn’t a bother,” you cheekily smiled, “I’d love that,” you said, happily shrugging.

The noble Mikaelson beamed, gesturing for your hand which you gave said, “Wonderful.”

--

This evening couldn’t get any better.

There wasn’t a single specific destination yet that Elijah wanted to take you. At the moment, he was simply taking you for a stroll around the beautiful nightlife of New Orleans.

Ever since the moment he first asked if he could show you around, your hand and his have never parted, as they were holding each other tightly without notice from the two of you.

The two of you had forgotten how loud New Orleans could be at night considering the fact that the two of you were only considering each other’s presence, trying to contain the adoration and affections you two have secretly had for each other.

“So tell me, Y/N,” Elijah continued the easy conversation you two were having, “How has life outside New Orleans been responding to you?”

“You mean life without you?” you smoothly rephrased his question. He grinned, looking directly in front of the street you two were walking on, trying to hide his growing blush on his face. “I’m just kidding,” you reassured him, “It’s been quite adventurous, but of course you were missing all the fun I could have shared with you.”

Elijah nodded, furrowing his eyebrows as he imagined your life without him, “You may be true but there could have been a chance of me depriving you of your happiness considering I tend to presume a day would go terrible if I’m not with Niklaus.”

You shook your head, denying his statement, “Any day would be terrible with Klaus with or without you,” you joked, “But kudos to him and Marcel,” you said, “They’ve made New Orleans more notable than when I was last here.”

“You may want to know though that they terribly miss you. We all do. I do,” Elijah softly said.

“I feel the same way too, ‘Lijah,” you admitted, “Life was so much different without you. I’m really glad nothing’s happened to you much in a way where I don’t have to go into a state of distress with the drama that gets you involved!”

He chuckled to himself, approving your words whole-heartedly. Then suddenly, his face changed, he began looking at you with a serious note. He stopped his walking, which you quickly took in and did the same.

“Forgive me, Y/N,” he said sincerely, “For the sake of curiosity, are you seeing anyone?”

Your serious face that you have developed after seeing Elijah’s suddenly melted into a burst of laughter, causing him to tense down a bit with a smile too, “Seriously, Elijah?” you asked, still laughing. It was only a few seconds after when you eased down and took a halt at your laughing. “Sorry, but you got me so serious for such a lightweight question.”

You exhaled, “No, I’m not seeing anyone,” you admitted, seeing that from his body language that he had mellowed down, feeling relieved from the softness of his eyes. “I take it that you’re somehow satisfied with that answer,” you teased, nudging his shoulder, which low-key served as a way to withdraw the sudden feelings you were containing.

Elijah looked down smiling, retrieving something from the inner pocket of his suit and began saying, “You’re right, and I also wanted to give you something with good intentions in mind.”

He slowly extracted a wrapped gift, which had ribbons of your second favorite color, wrapped around gift wrappings of your first favorite color. “Do you remember what happened on this day half a century ago?”

You slowly nodded, still looking at the gift, “Yes, I gave you a map of the world, telling you which places in the world I wanted to see.”

“Correct, and inside this gift is the exact same thing, but with my wrappings now.”

Elijah handed the gift over to you, which you rapidly but satisfyingly unwrapped the wrappings from, seeing the map you had given him, still in the same quality from the last time you saw it. The memories that had happened that day overflooded your mind, getting you to recall yourself telling Elijah the sequence of places you were going to see. Oh, you were so excited to see the world.

“You still have this gift from me?” you said, looking up with a sweet and soft smile, “I figured you’d have thrown it away by now.”

Elijah strongly shook his head, “No, I never would,” he denied, “And now that you’re here, perhaps you could use it to tell me which places I could have seen with you.”

Before you could tell him how much you agree on his idea, he suddenly added, “Adding to that, perhaps you could see a significant change in me.”

“What would that be?” you curiously asked.

Elijah exhaled and said, “Considering that you’re not seeing anyone, would you give me the honor and finally request the pleasure of your company whenever you’re free for a delightful time with me?”

There were suddenly butterflies in your stomach as you heard the question you’ve been dying for Elijah to ask you your whole life. You could tell you were smiling like a child but nevertheless, you nodded with cheerfulness, “I couldn’t be more happy, Elijah.”

“Not to be too forward though,” you continued, “But I think now’s the perfect time. We’re surrounded by my favorite city’s nightlife and, I don’t know if you’ve forgotten but, today’s a special day for me.”

Elijah took a step closer to you and slowly kissed you on the forehead, hearing your heartbeat beat faster, which made him even smile more. When he pulled back from the soft and light kiss he placed, he looked you in the eyes and said, “I could never forget your special day,” which got you to grin, “Happy birthday, my darling.” he greeted.

“Thank you, ‘Lijah,” you thanked him.

“Shall we?” he asked, “I’d like to take you to your favorite part of the Quarter.”

“We shall,” you said, linking your hand with his as you began strolling the street again together, in your favorite place, during your favorite day.

[witcherslittledove]

Life's a Bitch

For @jaskiersbow as part of @thewitcherbog RPF exchange! - AO3

Ship: Joey/Henry (with a side of Joey/Kal)

A lockdown fic.... but with more dog fucking.

CW: RPF, Bestiality, Dead Dove: do not eat, masturbation, Joey has a small cock, multiple orgasms, knotting, accidental voyeurism

_

Lockdown was a bitch.

It wasn’t like Joey was a particularly sociable person, but the one thing really did enjoy was sex. He was no stranger to one night stands, getting far too drunk at the club and falling into bed with whoever took his fancy. Having sex with strangers was easy, especially when he was too drunk to care what they might think about him, about his dick. It wasn’t exactly average, and he’d been laughed at one too many times by people he cared about, so now he had a habit of pushing people away before he could get hurt.

Henry was no exception.

Sweet, kind, loving Henry, who had offered Joey a place to stay when the electrical mains had blown in the flat he shared with Madeleine. Gorgeous, filmstar, sexiest man alive Henry, who just happened to be Joey’s biggest crush.

So, despite the fact he was desperately horny, Joey kept his co-star at a distance. Preferring, instead, to cuddle up to Kal or spend hours locked away in his room composing, or trying to compose at the very least. He really didn’t want to admit how many hours he actually spent reading porn with his fingers up his arse. Honestly, the amount of lube he’d gotten through the last few weeks was just embarrassing.

There were moments when he thought that maybe, just maybe, Henry fancied him back. The soft smiles when they danced around each other in the kitchen in the mornings, the lingering glances across the room when they were watching Netflix in the evenings, or even the rather romantic walks with Kal at dawn.

But he couldn’t risk it, not when he had to spend the next seven odd years working with Henry. If they were lucky anyway, god, he hoped it would be that long. Lauren wouldn’t kill off Jaskier, would she?

Nah…

He was fine. Dandelion was integral to Geralt’s development in the series. Joey just had to have faith that Lauren saw that too.

Of course, there was a niggly feeling at the back of Joey’s head, an anxiety that said this stupid bloody pandemic would never end and he’d never get to perform again. He kept wondering whether he should just give up, get another job; something stable.

He sighed, running both hands through his hair as he collapsed back onto the bed, his guitar abandoned on the floor. Lockdown wasn’t the most inspiring of events, but he had to be productive. It was the only way he was getting through his boredom, that and far too much gin and wine. He smiled at that, Henry had been terrible for encouraging his love of gin and tonic, the pair of them spending most evenings lost at the bottom of the bottle.

Okay, so maybe he wasn’t keeping Henry at as much of a distance as he should have been, but a broken heart would definitely fix his lack of inspiration. There was no better cure for writer’s block than a broken heart. Any artist could tell you that.

Until then Joey supposed he would just continue to be unbearably horny and get through too much lube.

He had nothing better to do.

Groaning, he leaned over to grab the bottle he kept in the drawer, and then hastily unzipped his jeans. It didn’t take long for his cock to get hard, teasing strokes along his length as he fell into the memory of Henry working out that morning, biceps bulging in the dark blue tank top, tanned skin glistening with sweat in the sun. Thick curls fell in front of Henry’s eyes, sticking to his forehead, and he winked -sort of- as he noticed Joey watching from the doorway. Joey wanted to lick every inch of Henry’s skin, lavishing him in kisses and hickies until there was no denying who he belonged to, then he wanted Henry to ruin him; fuck him against whatever surface they could find, strong arms lifting him up against the wall. Joey could ride him until his legs started to shake, Henry thrusting up into him until he couldn’t remember his own name.

God, he wanted it all.

Henry’s lips around his cock, never judging him or complaining, but loving him, loving his cock.

Sparks flew in front of Joey’s vision and he cried out as he came, spilling into his hand. The pleasure crashed over him, leaving him boneless as he fell back onto the bed with a blissful sigh, happy to bask in the haze of his orgasm and forgetting that it was all just a fantasy.

Until the door burst open and Joey was suddenly bombarded with a faceful of fur as Kal bounded into the room. It was mortifying. Joey was still covered in cum and lube, and now he had to try and force Henry’s giant hound onto the floor, but if Kal didn’t want to do something it was incredibly difficult to get him to behave. He was just so fucking heavy.

“Okay, that’s enough now, boy,” Joey mumbled, his face burning hot and he wondered if he could just die there, never having to show his face again.

Kal’s fur was already sticky with the mess of lube and cum, and Joey really didn’t want to have to explain that to Henry.

It was fine. He could pull Kal into the bathroom, nothing a flannel wouldn’t clean off. Henry never needed to know…

“Oh fuck, shit, Kal. No!” Joey stammered as the dog started to lick at his hand, dangerously close to his cock. “No, no, no. No!”

Kal ignored him, continuing to lick up the mess on Joey’s hand, before nuzzling against his cock, and holy shit, it had been so long since someone else had touched him. Despite the fact he’d just cum, Joey felt a whole new wave of arousal flood his body and his cock twitched pathetically, trying to get hard.

“Fuck,” Joey groaned, knowing he should be disgusted but he was just so fucking horny that he was struggling to keep a good grasp on reality.

And Kal really didn’t care that Joey’s cock was small even when hard.

Joey whined and closed his eyes, letting the dog lap messily at his dick. He was already so sensitive from his first orgasm but it felt so fucking good, and as long as he was already there and trapped by Kal, he might as well enjoy it. Every lap of Kal’s tongue sent fireworks through him, and Joey couldn’t help the needy whimpers that escaped his lips, his own hands running up inside his shirt to play with his nipples. It didn’t take long until he was hard again, panting and on the edge of a second orgasm.

“Joey?”

“Oh fucking cock!” Joey cursed and tried, to no avail, to push Kal off him

The door.

Kal had rushed into the room leaving the door wide open behind him.

“I- it’s… shit!” Joey stammered, trying to find an excuse that just didn’t exist.

He was caught. Life as he knew it was over. Henry would turn him into the police and he would never work again, all because he’d been too horny to stop Kal from licking his cock. It wasn’t as if he’d meant to do it. There was no pre-meditation and he hadn’t sought out the dog… but he’d enjoyed it?

“Kal, come here,” Henry’s voice was firm, and unfairly hot given the situation.

Despite his now flagging erection, Joey still wanted to climb the man like a tree. He was weak. He was desperate. He probably needed therapy.

Shit.

“I’m sorry, Joey,” Henry mumbled, sounding… ashamed?

Joey frowned, covering himself with a pillow as he sat up, running a hand through his hair. “Sorry? You just… Kal… Me?”

“I didn’t know he’d- I should have told you to lock the door.”

Henry was blushing, and he really did look apologetic, like he was the fucked up one in this situation. It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense. He should be angry, yelling, phoning the police, not apologising.

“Henry? What exactly are you apologising for?” Joey asked cautiously, chewing at his bottom lip. There was a flutter of hope in his chest that maybe, just maybe, he was the only one.

“Don’t make me say it.”

“Darling, you just caught me getting my cock licked by your dog. I think we’re beyond boundaries now. I- You should hate me?”

“You should hate me. It’s my fault. I- I trained him to- to-”

Joey felt his eyes widening as he processed Henry’s words. Not only was he not disgusted at what he’d witnessed… he’d practically been the reason for it.

“Holy shit.”

“Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Holy shit!” Joey whined, scrambling off the bed to get closer to his crush who had just somehow got impossibly hotter.

“Joey, please.”

“I liked it.”

“What?”

“Kal, I- I liked it, and- umm, well… I like you too,” Joey admitted with a bashful smile, “and you did interrupt so… you could always join in?”

Henry’s face flew through a million different expressions until he seemed to finally understand what Joey was saying. A dangerous smile fell into place and they crashed together in a heated kiss, hands tearing at each other’s clothes, their shared shame fueling the passion until it was scorching every cell in their bodies. Teeth clashed, noses bumped, breaths intermingled, the taste of coffee dancing on Joey’s tongue.

And when Henry’s hand wrapped around Joey cock, he felt like he had died and gone to heaven. He waited for the comments to come, a raised eyebrow or something, anything… but Henry didn’t seem to care that his hand dwarfed Joey’s cock considerably. All his fears had been for nought. He whined and just kissed Henry with even more fervour.

“Fuck, Henry,” he moaned as Henry’s fingers stroked the length of his cock.

The bastard just chuckled, pulling back to press their foreheads together. “Ever taken a knot?”

“W-what? No?”

“Do you want to?” Henry asked, his fingers moving to tease Joey’s rim, the sensation making Joey keen.

“I- fuck, yes. Jesus Christ! You’re trying to kill me....”

“Get on the bed,” Henry instructed, then whistled at the dog who had been sitting rather patiently by the doorway.

Joey did as he was told, pulling off the last of his clothes before crawling back onto the bed, eagerly awaiting whatever new delights that Henry had in store. Smirking, he watched as Henry stripped down, looking like a fucking god, and Christ, the size of his cock… Joey might never walk again.

But that wasn’t what really caught his attention. No, Henry had Kal by the scruff of his neck and was pulling him up onto the bed to join them. It didn’t take Kal long to understand what his owner was asking of him, and he happily let Henry guide him, his own long pink cock unsheathed.

“Fuck,” Joey breathed as he stared, transfixed as everything he knew about himself was suddenly turned upside down.

He wanted this… badly. He hadn’t just enjoyed the mindless lapping at his cock because he was horny. Fuck, no, it was more than that. He wanted it. The thought of Kal fucking him made his cock ache and he was sure he’d never been quite so aroused in all his life.

“Good?” Henry asked, tilting his head.

“Uh huh. Yup, very…”

“Good,” Henry murmured before capturing Joey’s lips in another kiss.

There was a click of the lube bottle, and he hissed as Henry’s finger pushed inside him. “More,” he whined, “I can take more. I- already…”

Henry growled, and in the next thrust, he was two fingers deep inside Joey, his lips moving to attack Joey’s neck. Teeth grazed against Joey’s skin, fire burning in his lungs as he tried to catch his breath, another hand wrapped around his cock.

“I- I, fuck!”

“God, you’re perfect.” Henry’s words caught in Joey’s neck, his collarbone, his chest. “You fit so beautifully in my hand.”

Joey keened as Henry’s thumb ran along the head of his cock, the words tingling over his skin. “Please, Henry.”

“Shh, I’ve got you.”

Another finger slid inside him, the stretch a delicious burn that soon gave way to pleasure as Henry attentively opened him up, murmuring praise with every thrust of his fingers. His deep rich voice the bassline to the melody of Joey’s gasps and moans that filled the room.

“There you go, good boy, come on Kal. He’s ready for you,” Henry finally said.

“Oh, oh cock!” Joey panted, biting against his own hand to try and stop himself from cumming.

They were doing this.

Fucking mother of god, they were really doing this.

Henry’s strong arms scooped him off the bed, flipping him with ease and guiding him onto all fours. He whined, fingers gripping at the already filthy sheets, head dropped forward so he could see his own cock red and leaking onto the bed. Kal’s nose was cold against his skin, but Henry didn’t let him sniff for too long.

“Up boy, come on,” Henry coaxed.

The weight of the dog almost had Joey collapsing back down onto the bed. Pain seared down his spine as the claws dug into his skin, but fuck he wanted more. He needed more, everything that he could get. Joey could do little more than close his eyes and hold on as Kal rutted against him, frantic and desperate until finally, oh god, finally, his cock pushed inside.

It felt strange, different to any other cock Joey had taken before, reminding Joey of just how filthy this was, forbidden, disgusting and yet so fucking good. Kal fucked like a man possessed, desperate, ruthless, uncaring, and Joey felt tears prick in his eyes. He needed to cum, already so exhausted and oversensitive, but yet he felt like he might explode if he didn’t cum again. He vaguely heard his own voice babbling, pleading, begging, Henry's voice a constant low growl in his ear, stroking and pulling at his hair.

He felt so full, and it was only getting worse with every thrust until he finally felt the pressure of Kal’s knot teasing at his hole.

Fuck.

Henry hadn’t been kidding.

He whined, hand desperately reaching out until felt Henry’s fingers lace with his own.

“So fucking, full,” he gasped.

“You’re doing so well, Joey, almost there.”

“Fuck!” he cried as the knot finally pushed inside him, the dog cumming harder and longer than any human. With just a single touch to his cock, Joey’s own orgasm burst through him, spilling over Henry’s hand as he struggled to stay upright, the energy draining from him.

“That’s it, well done,” Henry murmured and Joey wasn’t sure if he was talking to Joey or to Kal.

Kal continued to rut against him, working the cum deeper and deeper, leaving Joey to whimper pitifully as he hung off the dog’s knot, unable to move. By the time the knot finally released him, Joey was a mess, whining against Henry’s chest, covered in cum; Kal’s, his own, Henry’s. He felt thoroughly used and fucked out, dozing quite contently in Henry’s arms.

So maybe lockdown wasn’t quite so bad after all.

[dat-town]

rewrite the stars | pit-a-pat

It’s no secret at the café where you work that almost every high school girl only visits and pays for the expensive fancy coffee because of the new, popular and handsome waiter. Sure, people were frequent at the café even before him but his mere presence turned it into some kind of social media phenomenon. You found it ridiculous at first because sure he might be handsome, even with that terrible haircut (or rather lack of), but you can't believe people are really that shallow. 

You tend to avoid Kyungwoo on most days because you don't want to be caught up in any kind of rumours and he seems pretty distant too until he doesn't have to flash his charming smile at pretty girls who ask for his number while he's on the clock. Based on the amount of times you have seen him letting girls take pictures with him and such for potential tips, you would call him a player but he isn't rude or arrogant at least. He has never hit on you or on your co-workers and he's working diligently: he has helped you take the trash out before and covered your shift when you had to leave unexpectedly.

Yet, there's something unnerving about him, something screaming bad news.

Maybe it's because you have seen how he is when he isn't around customers: quiet, cold, nonchalant about everything, skips classes for his shifts and lies to his friends through a phone call that he's playing at a PC café as if working was a shame. And then the next moment he flashes his bright smile at the arriving guest. You shouldn't trust his kind.

Yet, sometimes it’s not about choice.

It’s the day after midterms, so you and a few friends from class hang out in a karaoke bar nearby. It’s the same old: people singing out of tune, just for fun, you’re laughing so hard, your cheeks hurt after a while. You leave your booth to pay for one more hour at the counter by the entrance because everybody is in high spirits and nobody wants to leave just yet, not now when you finally don’t have to study for a while. You don’t expect to run into some guys blocking your way back in the corridor. You don’t know them, so you think they must have mistaken you for someone else and try to get past them but one of them slides in front of you with a grin on his face.

“Hey, don’t run away, we just want to get to know Kyungie’s new girlfriend,” he says and laughs as he looks over to his friend. You can’t help but furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

Dumbfounded you deadpan. “Who?”

“Lee Kyungwoo,” the other clarified and you were more confused than ever. Why would these guys you don’t even know think that your coworker is your boyfriend? With how many girls he has around him, it’s ridiculous that they think it’s you of all people.

“We saw you leave that fancy café downtown all lovey-dovey the other day and now a karaoke date? I’m kind of hurt Kyungwoo didn’t take the time to introduce you to us, his oldest friends,” the guy in front of you says and you’re about the clear the records, to tell them they have it wrong, you just happened to finish at the same time with your shifts and you took the same bus home since you lived in close by neighbourhoods. Heck, you didn’t even sit next to each other on the bus, what was lovey-dovey about that? And what karaoke date even…  But before you could speak up, a familiar voice comes from behind your back.

“Leave her alone. She has nothing to do with us.”

You whip around to see Kyungwoo at the corner, hands in his pockets, nonchalant as ever, his red hair hanging into his eyes but they flash with something dark as he walks closer to this unfortunate trio you are stuck in the middle of.

“Nah, don’t be like that. We just wanted to say hi to your girl,” the taller guy says and you let yourself be pulled behind Kyungwoo who comes between you and his supposed-to-be friends. They don’t look too close and based on their school uniforms they don’t go to the same school either.

“Should I remind you what happened last time when you decided to have a say in my matters?” Kyungwoo questions, his voice tense and the way the guy he’s talking to frowns, you’re sure he does remember and it’s not a fond memory. They seem to have some issues and he probably just wanted to piss you off, so you could complain to Kyungwoo (if he really was your boyfriend) and with that pissing him off too.

“Easy there, you don’t need to get so defensive,” the taller of his ‘oldest friends’ raises his hands and takes a step back.

“Just leave us the fuck alone,” Kyungwoo swears and it surprises you because you have never heard him speak like that at work. He doesn’t even flinch at all when the guys brush past him, bumping into his shoulder on purpose and leave while calling him names.

You take a deep breath once they are out of sight and step away from your coworker. You never wanted to get involved with his matters and it feels kind of awkward that you did without your own will. You feel like you have seen a piece of him you shouldn’t have, one he wasn’t ready to  share based on how he turns around to face you, avoiding your eyes.

“Sorry about that,” he mumbles barely audibly but you catch it and gulp. It’s not really his fault that his old friends can be jerks.

“It’s okay,” you shrug and blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind to make the mood lighter. “Honestly, I was more surprised that they thought we’re dating.”

And that you didn’t correct them. But who knows maybe they wouldn’t have believed him. Kyungwoo knows them better, so you decided to let him handle that part. It doesn’t mean anything.

“I know, right? Ridiculous,” the boy snorted and he looked more amused than malicious. Yet, his words made you wonder: does he really think that even the thought of him dating you would be funny? That it’s so impossible? You can’t quite phantom your own feelings due to the bitterness of how it tastes in your mouth to repeat the word.

From under his long bangs, Kyungwoo looks at you one last time, this time his orbs shine with something indecipherable and his mouth is pulled up in a lazy smirk.

“See you at work, I guess,” he says, bidding his goodbye before walking back to the booth he shares with his friends.

You still stare in that general direction after he disappears and can’t forget the ghost of his hands on your wrist where he gently touched you before stepping in front of you. Oh… so this is how crushes start.

Rewrite the stars masterlist

[dinosaurtsukki]

❀ runaway | “you said it would be the two of us against the world” feat. kageyama tobio

⇢ day 8 of angstcember

⇢ synopsis: you and kageyama had always dreamt of leaving town and starting a new life somewhere else with just the two of you

⇢ pairing: kageyama tobio x gn!reader

⇢ word count: 2k words

ANGSTCEMBER MASTERLIST (feat. haikyuu!! and bungou stray dogs)

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“let’s run away.”

you and kageyama always said those words to each other when you were alone; always infused with meaning and yet, lacking just a bit of intention. the two of you were just kids in high school, after all, what did you know about actually running away? except now, when you raised your head to find your boyfriend staring out at the sky in the dim light coming from the lamppost overhead, you could tell that this time, he was more than serious.

“let’s run away,” he repeated, this time turning to look at you.

“tobio, how?” you shook your head. “and not just how, where?”

“anywhere,” kageyama blinked, hugging his knees tighter to his chest. he was only comfortable being vulnerable around you, after guarding himself for so long. you were just the same. maybe that’s why fate somehow drew you both together. “anywhere’s better than here,” he whispered, a hand reaching out to touch the side of your cheek where a fresh bruise had bloomed, courtesy of your father.

you looked down. he was right, anywhere was better than here. in this town, with the kind of life you had, you grew up too fast and came to realize that all you ever wanted to do was leave this place. even if it meant risking everything.

“we’ll take this car,” kageyama continued, tapping a hand on the back of the pickup truck that you two were in. “and i have some friends already in the city. remember sugawara-senpai? i still talk to him. he said he could lend us a hand. and you have that biscuit tin full of money you have stashed under your bed, right?”

“it’s not an enormous amount of money...” you said hesitantly.

“it doesn’t have to be,” kageyama said, his voice rising with excitement. “i could probably get some of my mom’s leftover jewelry, but when we get there we can both find a job. i’m already being scouted by pro-volleyball teams and i’m sure you can start work at a cafe even though you don’t have much experience.”

“tobio...”

“y/n,” kageyama held your hand, his eyes fixed on yours. you knew you wouldn’t meet a man as sincere as he was. suddenly, his gaze softened as he pressed his lips against your forehead. “i don’t want to see you getting hurt anymore. i promised you i would protect you so let me do that.”

you closed your eyes and pulled him close to you, never wanting to let go. after everything you two had been through, you knew that kageyama was someone you could trust.

“alright,” you nodded. “let’s run away.”

...

nothing could match the exhilaration you felt as you and kageyama took the pick-up truck and your belongings and left town. once night fell, you managed to sneak out of your bedroom window to where your boyfriend was already waiting down below. this was it. you two were actually going to do it.

the wind from the open window whipped through your hair as the music in the car stereo played loud through the night. as soon as you zoomed past the highway, it felt as if a weight had been lifted off your chest. 

“tobio,” you suddenly spoke up.

“yeah?” kageyama turned his head slightly to look at you.

“we can do anything,” you said with a laugh. “we can do anything.”

kageyama looked at you as if you were his whole world, and back then, at that moment, you were. “i love you, y/n,”he said aloud, not even bothering to hide his emotions like you usually did.

and he was glad he didn’t because nothing could replace the shine in your eyes when you heard it. “i love you too, tobio,” you smiled.

...

you knew it was going to be hard when you and kageyama decided to live on your own after you had just left high school. for a while, the two of you had to live in sugawara’s place while you worked as a waitress in a nearby cafe. kageyama had some trouble getting scouted because he ran away from his family. 

the exhilaration you had felt the first night after running away had begun to fade as you were faced with the reality of things. the money you earned, even after working for long hours, was just enough to pay for your share of the rent and some groceries. but you hated your job and knew you were being underpaid but what could you do? it’s not like you had any real work experience or a university degree.

“sorry i’m late,” you heard kageyama apologize as he entered the living room. he also had to get a part-time job lifting cargo at a shipping company and most nights, he came home late and tired.

“it’s alright. want me to heat this for you?” you asked, pointing at his dinner on the table.

“it’s fine,” he shook his head and sat down next to you. 

“so, how was work?”

“same as always. you don’t even need to ask me anymore.”

“i’m just doing it to be nice,” you answered coldly. 

“tch, you just want to feel good about yourself,” kageyama muttered. you glared at him. for the past few weeks, things between you have been tense but you couldn’t do much about it with both of you tired from work. 

“i just want to feel good about something!” you found yourself raising your voice. “things have been terrible ever since we moved out and i know it wasn’t going to be easy but it’s nothing compared to what we’re going through right now. we barely even see each other and when we do it’s just even more of this!”

“so what do you want me to do?!” kageyama yelled in retaliation, standing up to tower over you. “i didn’t promise that things would be easy. you’re the one who wanted to come!”

“you asked me to come with you!” you pointed your finger at his chest. “you wouldn’t have made it this far without me!”

“i would have!” kageyama swatted your hand away. “and if you hate it here so much then why don’t you leave?”

you blinked in surprise as if you had been slapped across the face. you wanted to cry but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it in front of him. instead, you stood up and left the table.

“maybe i will then,” you said softly before leaving the apartment. 

kageyama found you moments later curled up on the back of the pick-up truck. your eyes were raw from crying and your face was buried in your arms but you felt kageyama hop into the back next to you.

“y/n...” he spoke, his voice much softer than it was earlier. “i’m... sorry about what i said. i... i didn’t mean it.”

“it sounded like you did,” you said hollowly. 

“i’m sorry,” kageyama repeated. the two of you were silent for a while before you decided to sit up and lean against the side of the car beside him.

“remember that night? when you suggested that we run away?” 

“how could i forget?” kageyama chuckled beside you. “you called me from a payphone crying after you had run away from your house.”

“and then you picked me up from where i was,” you added with a smile, leaning your head on his shoulder. “you’re the only one who’s ever felt like home to me.”

“i just... wish that could be enough, even though i know it isn’t,” kageyama said softly, holding your hand and interlacing his fingers with yours. “i didn’t think things would be this hard when we came here but y/n, i still want to make things better for you. for us.”

kageyama wasn’t promising anything and you both knew he couldn’t, not at this point. but that was enough to make you believe in him. he wasn’t going to sugarcoat anything or make empty promises, but he was going to stay with you.

“i believe you, tobio,” you smiled, pressing your forehead against his. 

“so, will you stay?” he looked up at you as if you were his whole world, and back then, you were.

“i will. i’ll stay.”

...

slowly but surely, things changed for the two of you. kageyama finally managed to get scouted at a pro-volleyball team without the help of his family and you two were able to get your own place. you took classes at a local community college in-between your job as a waitress. it had been your dream for some time to set up your own cafe and after years of waiting and saving up, you were able to rent out a small, cozy place to start your dream.

for the first time since the day you and kageyama ran away, you felt that same exhilaration of new possibilities being open to you and you were eager to make that leap.

but, things also changed in other ways.

you and kageyama still didn’t see each other that much with you being busy setting up your cafe and volleyball practice in between ad campaigns. but this time, it wasn’t something you minded too much. back in the town where you grew up in, you didn’t have much of a support system with your abusive family. it had always just been kageyama having your back, and you his. now, you had friends, your fellow co-workers at the cafe, and new acquaintances coming and going every single day.

sometimes, you did stay up to greet kageyama when he got home with dinner and one of the desserts you made at the cafe. the two of you would migrate to the couch, recounting old memories or sharing new stories. the atmosphere in your house was a comfortable one, but you couldn’t say that being with kageyama made you happy the way you used to.

realizing that did hurt. you couldn’t help but remember all the times you had cried in his arms or the first time you watched his walls break down and swore you would do anything for him. kageyama had been your home for the longest time. only now, you didn’t need one. you could make one for yourself.

“so, after all these years, huh?” kageyama said after you broke the news to him. the two of you were seated at the dining table with cups of half-finished coffee between you two.

“i feel like i should apologize but it had been coming for some time,” you admitted. “we both knew.” 

kageyama sipped from his mug and nodded contemplatively. he didn’t appear to be sad or angry or hurt. finally, he spoke. “you said it would be the two of us against the world.”

you bit your lip and nodded. “i did say that.”

“but we were dumb kids back then,” kageyama chuckled. “dumb kids who didn’t know what was in store for them.”

“hey, we deserve more credit than that,” you nudged his side and flashed him a smile. “if it weren’t for what we planned, if it weren’t for you, i don’t think i would have made it this far.” the expression on kageyama’s face was sad but he reached out and squeezed your hand. “no matter what, i’ll always be grateful to you for that, tobio.”

“and i’ll always remember the first person i’ve ever loved,” he said softly. when he looked at you, it was no longer as if he was looking at his whole world. but that’s alright. kageyama already had his own world and just because you were parting ways, that didn’t mean you had ceased to be in it.

a week later, you had moved out of the apartment after buying a place of your own. it was going to be lonely now without kageyama there to share it with but you didn’t mind too much. 

as you walked through the parking lot, you passed by the very pick-up truck that you and kageyama spent so much time in. longingly, you ran a hand over the bumper, remembering that night when you two promised to run away.

smiling, you spoke out loud as if you were talking to your younger selves: “we made it.”

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event taglist: @himikadafangirl @swoona-rintarou @l-dokisaki-l @laure-chan @aonenthusiast @ah-kaashi @just-a-gay-bean @linyu-sees-you @alto-march-of-death @newfriendjen @shrimpypenis​ @tenyafacesquish​ @mkkhaikyuu​

taglist applications still open! just answer this form

[crowtrobotx]

Video Game Ask: 10, 12, 25 please c:

Hardest video game you’ve played?

Demon’s Souls. I got really cocky right out of high school and decided I wanted to be a Big Boy and I am amazed to this day that I didn’t straight up die from an aneurysm while playing this. I know folks tend to think that Dark Souls (and sometimes Bloodborne) are harder because you can sort of force glitch Demon’s Souls to get through it but for some reason the game absolutely obliterated my asshole worse than any other. Will I play the remake? Yeah, probably. Because I never learn.

Most embarrassing gaming moment?

I literally could say the numerous times I’ve streamed myself crashing wagons/tripping/launching the horse off of cliffs on RDR 2 lmaoooo. In my defense, anyone who’s played the game knows how hilarious the physics and horse AI can be. But I feel like streaming answers would be easy here. I’m gonna say this belongs to Borderlands 2. Absolutely love the game and love co-op play - but I am notorious for forgetting controls for no reason and not paying attention to where I’m at which results in me killing myself and my friends way more than is acceptable. I remember one time specifically when, after using sniper rifles the whole game, I switched to a scoped pistol and shot an explosive barrel I was right on top of because I forgot that I was no longer zoomed/a safe distance away. Now that I think about it… maybe I should stream that game. 👀

Video game you wish you could burn from your memory?

I’m gonna say Mass Effect: Andromeda. I truly, truly do not think this game is as terrible as a lot of people do but the thing that really bothered me about it was how unfinished and just…. Lackluster it was compared to the original trilogy. It had its good characters and moments but all of that was overshadowed for me because it committed (imo) the worst video game sin which is being an open world game with NOTHING IN IT. Just lifeless, and it soured a favorite (maybe THE favorite) video game series for me.

[brynwrites]

How to Write Non-binary Characters: Part III.

Visit PART ONE: the basics.

Visit PART TWO: the nitty gritty.

PART THREE: common pitfalls and easy fixes.

Here we'll cover some common situations where writing respectful non-binary characters can be trickier.

Writing Non-human Non-binary characters.

Non-human non-binary characters aren’t inherently disrespectful to non-binary people, but it can easily become negative representation when there are no non-binary humans present, because it implies that those with non-binary genders are less human (and usually more monstrous or more alien) than people with binary genders. You can read more about why this is a problem in this full analysis by Christine Prevas.

There's a very simple solution to this though: Write some non-binary humans. (Or, in the least, make it explicitly clear that non-binary humans exist, and are just as valid in their identity as anyone else.)

Writing Non-binary Villains.

This situation is very similar to the non-binary non-humans, but instead of implying that non-binary people are less human, it implies they are less moral, abnormal, depraved, or insane. Villainous figures in history have often have their villainy connected to or blamed on their non-gender conforming traits. We don't want to add to that clinging transphobic and homophobic belief with modern fiction.

As with non-binary non-humans, having non-villainous non-binary characters can go a long way in offsetting this, as well as not connecting (or letting characters within the world connnect) the villain's non-binary aspects with their perceived villainy. Instead of writing a non-binary villain, write a villain who also happens to be non-binary.

(On this note, I would be very cautious about writing villains who are being villainous because they've suffered from transphobia.)

Killing (your only) Non-binary Character.

This falls into the same category as the previous two sections, but it has just one solution: don't kill your story’s only non-binary or trans character. Just don't do it. If that character has to die to make the plot continue, let there be another primary non-binary or trans character in the story somewhere.

Writing “Coming Out” Scenes for Non-binary Characters.

Let's break this into two different types of coming out:

The casual, everyday coming out. This is the kind of coming out a non-binary person has to do every time they need to let new people in their lives know about their gender. If you're writing non-binary characters, you'll probably have to write some version of this at some point. It can be as simple as a character introducing themselves with their pronouns, wearing clothing or pins that say their pronouns, mentioning their identity casually, correcting someone's misuse of their pronouns, making a (respectful) joke involving gendered terminology (e.g. "I'm the king of monopoly today and the queen of monopoly tomorrow, but either way you're all going to lose!"), or a multitude of other ways.

While writing any setting that you create yourself (whether that's fantasy, science fiction, alternate history, etc), you can always do yourself a favor and work a method of identity presentation into the world building. Maybe in your fictional culture everyone wears a certain color accessory for certain gender identities or in your fictional boarding school the students all decided to introduce themselves with their pronouns no matter what gender they identity as.

The major, terrifying coming out. Often, this is the traditional coming out scene where the person sits down with family and tells their truth, even though they know things might turn out poorly. It might be the first time they've come out to anyone, or it might be that they've held off with certain important people in their life because they're afraid of those people's response. Be wary of writing out these scenes if you haven't lived through them yourself, because it's a very emotional and complex situation which, if represented poorly, can harm non-binary and trans people in real life. Sometimes though, you might want to allude to what happened during this scene because of its effect on the character!

Keep in mind that while there is much prejudice against non-binary (and trans) people in our world, that you don't have to include that in your stories. It is always the writer's decision to include transphobia and transphobic characters in what they write, as well as their responsibility to make sure that any transphobic inclusions are framed as the terrible, incorrect biases they are, and do not harm the trans and non-binary community.

Writing Non-binary Characters Discovering They’re Non-binary.

Realizing you're non-binary is often a long, emotional, and extremely personal experience. Unless you have a non-binary (or trans) co-writer or you've done an academic level of research, its best to leave these experiences to be written by the people you lived them, because there are many living people who have lived them, who will be effected by these stories on a very real, very personal level.

So, go write non-binary characters, but write them having adventures and falling in love instead.

Writing Societies Without Gender Binaries.

Because this is a huge topic where new pitfalls might appear at any moment do to the endless ways it can be used, the best thing to do if you're interested in writing it is to read speculative fiction from trans and non-binary authors and study the nuances of how they portray these societies, and, of course, always avoid the societal version of all the previous no-nos, like having only villainous or non-human non-binary societies.

Remember: when in doubt, get non-binary people to beta read your work.

Finally, here are two insanely easy ways to include non-binary representation in all your stories:

1. Give a character (or multiple characters!) they/them pronouns. 

You don’t have to explain this. The character never needs to come out as non-binary. There doesn’t have to be a focus on whether they’re androgynous or not. You can keep it so simple that their description is just “Parker had brown hair and a hooked nose and when they smiled their eyes lit up,” and there you have a non-binary-coded character without having to do any work or research at all.

2. Have a character refer to their family member with gender neutral terms. 

“Those are my sisters, my big brother, and my little sibling. We were on a skiing trip, but our step-parent came down with the flu so our father stayed back at the lodge and let our auntcle take us up the mountain.” Will any of these non-binary characters ever by in the story itself? Perhaps not. But it still shows that the author accepts the existence of non-binary people in their story’s world, and that the character speaking loves and respects the non-binary people in their family enough to refer to them in the ways those family members prefer.

Closing Words.

Non-binary people have had a long history of being ignored in Western stories. Having writers attempt to include respectful non-binary representation in their books is more important to us than having all that representation be perfect. So, write non-binary characters, find a few non-binary or trans readers to double check your work, and most importantly, and have fun.

While you’re at it, consider supporting non-binary writers writing ownvoices stories. If you don’t know of any, here’s the wikipedia list of the more famous authors and a little twitter thread with some lesser known voices. You can also purchase my debut novel, Our Bloody Pearl, a fun romp about a disabled, non-binary siren and a freckly pirate captain.

Stick around for a preview of Our Bloody Pearl....

SWELL BEGINNINGS

There is one thing I know for certain: We were right to hate the humans.

HUNGER HAUNTS ME like a bull shark. With every roll of the ship, the gunk inside my stagnant tub sloshes against my waist, stinging anew. The tight wooden room's stale air burns my lungs.

Steam whistles in the pipes that run along the walls, their copper gleaming in the dim ceiling light. My wrists throb where the metal cuffs locking me to the tub dig into my silver scales. The gill slits along my neck are clamped shut after a year without seawater and my head fins stick to my scalp like barnacles to rock.

I try to anchor myself with the memory of home, of fine sands and vibrant reefs, but I can barely recall the rush of the warm current or the thrill of the hunt. Even a single wrasse sounds like a feast now. Or a few human fingers.

At least I can still smell the sharp brine of the ocean. When the ship rocks, the small, circular window to my left reveals the sea rolling in an endless stretch of deep blue, begging me to return. The silhouette of an approaching vessel forms a blur on its horizon.

I squint at the hazy shape, but Captain Kian’s roar of irritation from an upper deck makes me recoil. My captor’s harsh voice is so loud it seems to shudder its way down my spine.

The new vessel leaves my sight as the ship I’m captive on—the Oyster—turns toward it. The steam stacks clatter to life somewhere beneath me. Fabric and metal wings stretch out from the sides of the Oyster, and the ship bursts forward, riding just above the crests of the waves.

The sudden change in speed shoves me backward, tossing up my putrid water. As the liquid recoils, it grazes my largest tail fin, lying limp over the far edge of the tub. For all the pain I suffer, I nearly forget my tail exists, its iridescent gleam washed away by the filth and grime of the tub. It must still be impaired from the massive, anchor-like weight my captor crushed it beneath when she first locked me here. I can’t bring myself to focus on its lifeless form for long. I wasn’t meant for this.

I need the sea.

Purchase the full novel on amazon, bookdepository, or kobo, or request it from your local library!

[yanderecandystore]

How would (female) Darling react to a yandere King of the human world and a yandere Queen of vampires fighting for Darling’s hand)? [Headcannons]

Hello everyone, I hope you didn't wait too long.( ˘ ³˘)♥

I wasn't sure how to write this one, but it's a really interesting concept and I couldn't leave it behind.

 I don't think this is my best work, since the story that I'm going for is a little too big to be contained in a headcanon, so all may feel a little fast, and a little too long at the same time.

 So maybe I'm going to make an proper fanfiction with an longer experience of this events. And I'm sorry if this isn't what you were waiting for, and if there is too many errors. This is so huge, is a nightmare!

 Also, a little trigger warning, there is an mention of an increasing number of deaths caused by an "disease", but is mostly used in the headcanon as a little plot point, and is mostly because I like to reference the anime Shiki when I write about vampires. But if you feel like this may trigger or affect you in anyway, especially considering the recent events, I would just like to warn you right now.

꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡

Crossfire [Yandere Human King x F!Reader x Yandere Vampire Queen]:

 Being born as an commoner was already hard enough, you didn't need anymore trouble in your life!

 You started working inside the castle as a simple gardener, attending to the gardens inside the castle walls. The queen was known to love gardens, well, until she passed away.

 The queen passed away years before you started working inside the castle, and the original king? Died a couple of months ago.

 Both stated to have mysterious causes of death. Most likely caused by an disease.

 The coronation of the prince wasn't so long ago, so he is your king now. But even working under his roof, you only met him a couple of times.

 Some of your co-workers who had been here way longer than you would say he was a childish, egotistical man, who only cared about his wealth and power over the happiness of others. He didn't have a good relationship with the older king, and his mother passed away when he was only 5 years old.

 It wasn't a surprise for any of them that the new monarch would be an bitter man. Yet, he didn't seem to tend to only his needs.

 Although he is very rude to you and the other servants, he seems to take his responsibilities really seriously. He seems, almost always on edge, but you don't know why.

 Your task made it really easy to never interact with him, he seems to dislike going in his mother garden. You started feeling uneasy out in the garden, you could tell someone was watching you, and when you looked to find out who it was, you could see the king himself watching you from a window. Yet, even when meeting his gaze, you still felt like there was another pair of eyes watching you.

 One day, when you start to feel really paranoid, he decides to visit the garden.

 "- Oh! Greetings, your majesty!" You bow down to him, trying to hide your surprise, yet it didn't go unnoticed by him, he did came out of nowhere while you were doing your job after all.

 "- Good morning, miss [Y/N], right?" He doesn't seem to care about being to formal, but you still feel a little afraid to act the same way towards him.

 "- It's been so long since I last came here." He says. Looking around at this place which seems so familiar, yet so foreign at the same time.

 He seems to be daydreaming, memories of his mother flow through his mind causing him to feel desperate to go back inside the castle walls. Yet, he feels like he needs to be here.

 He knows you shouldn't be here. It's dangerous in the garden, his mother said so.

 "- A-are you okay?" His breathing, his whole body language tells you he is not okay. His almost hypnotized by whatever terrible thoughts going on his mind. It's the first time you see a different expression on his face. It's not one of anger or of silent disgust, is fear.

 It's like a child.

 You can't have him passing out like this, you take him to the nearest sit so he can calm down.

 "- I am calm!" He corrects you, clearly lying yet trying to strike his usual confident and superior act.

 "- No, you're not. Please, tell me what happened, should I call the maids? The guards?"

 You asking what's going on with him, yet he can't find the words to describe it. He is too scared to say, so you should try to comfort him instead of asking too much questions.

 Slowly, he start to feel more comfortable around you, your eyes, your voice, the reassuring touches, it helps him calm down. Your presence makes him forget that his is in this terrible place. You call the maids to help him out, it seems like they already know what to do in this type of situation.

 Weeks after the incident, and it seems like the king has been way more attentive to you. Always coming to the garden to talk with you, although he doesn't like to go to far inside the garden. It makes your job a little more difficult since he seems to take all of your attention, yet is a better company than the winds that shake the leaves of the lonely trees.

 He doesn't seem to be so rude with you. He is a little narcissistic, but not really mean towards you.

 He never told you what happened that day, he only said that the garden brings bad memories. Ever since that day, he kept worrying about you.

 Trying to convince you to take the roll as a maid, it would be more beneficial for you, and he could keep you away from the garden.

 Yet, you never accepted his request. It seemed weird how fast you became close to the king. 

 You never understood why he would be so afraid at the garden, until one day, you unfortunately found out who was always watching you work in the garden.

 You weren't feeling well, so you decided to take a night walk through the garden. It didn't seem like an clever idea at first (and it wasn't), but when you saw the lights coming from the garden from the window of your room, you couldn't resist taking a closer look.

 Fireflies! They look like little stars dancing around the garden.

 You should have stayed inside.

 Someone, or something, came from behind and neutralized you. It was too fast for you to notice, but now that you're awake as in a completely different place with an familiar knight in front of you, you guess this is what happened.

 "- W-where am I?" You try asking the knight who is blocking the door. You try pulling yourself up, yet feel your hands immediately be pulled to the ground by the chains wrapping them.

 This makes you instantly freak out and fully wake up. You're inside a dungeon cell.

 Yet, the knight doesn't say anything. He just huffs at your whining. You were about to try take some information out of him, when someone knocks on the door.

 He looks at you one last time, you can't see his face because of his helmet, yet you can still tell he is threatening you to try anything funny. He turns his way to open the door and go outside, closing the door after getting out.

 You can't hear what's going on outside, but since you're all alone, you might as well try to take a good look around. There is only the door, a uncomfortable looking bed, and a window too small for you to fit in.

 Noticing that the only light in the room, was the moonlight coming through the window. It is still night time. There must be away out-

 "- Evening." Said an female voice. It was monotone, yet seductive in a way. You turn around to find an tall woman wearing dark, extravagant clothes.

 Her face was covered by an dark veil, it was as if she was an bride wearing fully black, or an black widow. You didn't recognize her voice, or her appearance, yet you could only feel extremely frightened by her presence.

 "- I didn't think you would be awake this early, but since you're finally conscious we can get to know each other." She says as she starts to walk closer to your shaking form. You can't see her eyes, but you can tell she is staring at your very soul. 

 This feeling is way too familiar to you.

 "- Who are you? Where am I?" Trying to maintain a confident attitude you ask who is she. Yet, you are visibly too scared to strike a threatening tone, she notices this and laughs at your naivety.

 She kneels down and is face to face with you. This is not exactly how she wanted things to go, yet she is just so thirsty, she can't wait any longer!

 "- Aham." You hear the knight call the woman's attention, he seems annoyed with the lady. But either she doesn't notice him, or is just ignoring him. She just keeps observing you with a smile on her pale face.

 "- Your majesty." He calls, oh, well apparently your kidnapper is royalty! You don't feel honored by that even a little bit.

 "- Yes?" She says overly cheerful, while cupping your cheeks and turning your face, examining your neck. You hold your whimpers, you feel like that would be giving her too much satisfaction.

 "- I'm aware I'm not in any position to question your actions-"

 "- Yes, absolutely. You're not!" She giggles, although her statement wasn't necessarily mean, her tone seemed to change between anger and playfulness, like she is mocking the knight intrusive behavior.

  "- May I ask why I had to go to the filthy castle, to bring you just a simple gardener?"

 "- Excuse me?" She finally turns to look up at the knight, who can easily see the mistake he has made. Her tone is serious this time around.

 "- I mean- Why her? Why not bring the king? Or any more powerful member of that place? We could have planned an elaborate attack, destroy their kingdom and bring in the humans for-" You started to really dislike where he was going, but before you could get all of the information, the queen shushes him, before he spilled so much info.

 "- Oh, my dear, loyal knight, can't you see we have a quest?" She almost yells at him so he could stop mumbling.

 "- You're making her afraid~" She pinches your cheek. 

 "- WE don't want her to be afraid on her first night, right?"

 ' How considerate.' You think.

 "- And for your question… Well-"

 She pauses putting a finger over her lips, thinking over what her knight just said.

 "- It's true we could have stuck we the plan and destroy the human kingdom fully, and although it is NONE of your business, I'm going to explain to you why I asked you to get me this sweet looking girl instead."

 "- …"

 The room falls silent, is she waiting for him to question? She wraps her arms around you, her grip is almost squeezing the air in your lungs out.

 "- … W-why?-"

 "- Because I'm extremely pick with what I drink, love." She keeps giggling and hugging you tighter. Wait, what did she mean by-

 "- And you, my lovely knight, is in no position to question me, or are you?" Her tone is playful, yet her whole demeanor seems so threatening.

  He keeps his head down, you can hear him say a meek "yes". Maybe he is just as scared if her as you are.

 "- Leave." Her happy tone goes away again and is replaced by the serious one.

 He stumbles a little, but manages to get out of the cell as quick as he could.

 After she makes sure she can't listen to his footsteps anymore, she signs and turns her full attention on you.

 "- Sigh, I lost the mood, you know?"

 Yeah, you know exactly what she is talking about.

 "- Oh don't look at me like that, aren't you glad you're here? You're in presence of a vampire queen, you know?"

 "- … What?" Is all you can think of asking. What is she talking about? Vampires aren't real, right?

 "- You're so cute! I'm so glad you're here, I been hungry for so many weeks now. How mean of you to make me hungry~" She smiles while teasing your neck with her fangs. They look so sharp to the touch.

 She is saying the truth though. They had planned an attack for months now, yet after she saw you, she had thrown all of that preparation out of the window.

 Like a spoiled child, she refuse to drink from anyone or anything. Your sweet little form plagued her mind. She was a pick drinker, nothing but the best for the queen, after all.

 She was planning on having a better approach to you. Having a better room for you than the other blood stocks on the dungeons, having an good preparation to meet you in person and bring you here with her mind control.

 But she is just so hungry. And you have an nice sent, better than any of the nobles of your kingdom she had drunk from.

 "- Don't worry about it." She whispers, not waiting too long to just sink her fangs into you.

 After so much screaming and so much failed attempts at running away from her grasp. You had fallen asleep. While she didn't know if she would stay here or go back to her chambers.

 And on the castle were you once worked for, the king search for you at every corner, after noticing that you were missing from your room.

꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡

[dangerouscommiesubversive]

A senpai Rider/s interacting with their kouhai Rider/s, M (Battlefield by SVRCINA)?

M is for music, and “Battlefield,” by SVRCINA, can be found on Spotify and YouTube.

Restaurant Agito, a neighborhood institution for over a decade--

No. Not eye-catching enough.

Once nothing more than a well-loved neighborhood institution, Restaurant Agito has been launched to new heights with the receipt of their first Michelin star--

No, not complimentary enough, it’s a nice restaurant.

Restaurant Agito_

Transcript first. The introduction will come to me once I’m looking at the whole thing.

[New: blank document]

[Open: agitointerview.mp3]

Notes to myself: Tsugami Shouichi--friendly, big smile. Intense eye contact, felt like I was staring at the sun. Wears a lapel pin with the restaurant’s little alpha-omega logo, it’s cute. Maybe not the most handsome guy but wow what a smile, hopefully he’s making some girl very happy. Or guy, who knows, it’s 2015. Insisted on bringing out a tasting plate of some of the restaurant’s most popular dishes to snack on while we talked. We sat in the restaurant, mid-afternoon, not a lot of customers. Sous chef was handling things in the kitchen.

Begin transcript.

[Play]

--

Kido Shinji: I hope you don’t mind if I, uh, if I record?

Tsugami Shouichi: Oh, no, not at all! I wouldn’t expect you to just remember everything, right? I mean I guess you could write it down but that seems like it’d be difficult.

KS: It’s definitely not easy, that’s for sure.

*laughter*

KS: So, uh, if you don’t mind, let’s start with the basics, just so I can have them on record. I’m Kido Shinji--

TS: It’s great to meet you!

KS: Um, likewise, thanks.

Note: strong handshake, damn, I think my hand actually aches still

TS: And I’m Tsugami Shouichi.

KS: Right, wonderful--it’s spelled like--

TS: Yeah, that looks right. Although I’m not exactly the best person to ask, my spelling’s terrible.

KS: Mine too, honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without spell-check.

*more laughter*

KS: So you’re the proprietor of Restaurant Agito, correct?

TS: That’s me! Owner, head chef, uh, I actually grow most of the vegetables myself, I do a lot of stuff here.

KS: Oh wow, you have a vegetable garden?

TS: Up on the roof! I can show you after we’re done talking if you like.

KS: That’d be great, I’d love to take a few photos if you don’t mind.

TS: Oh sure! Oh, ask anyone who knows me, I love showing off my garden, it’s my pride and joy. I mean, apart from the restaurant. I had a garden before I had a restaurant, I’ve been doing that longer. Although I guess you’re not here to talk about gardening really--

KS: No no, it’s fine, I like hearing about this sort of thing, it’s, um, human interest. Everyone’s into eating local these days, right?

TS: Right!

KS: So, uh. You’ve got a Michelin-starred restaurant at--you’re 35, right? I think you mentioned that on the phone.

TS: Yeah, 35, that’s right.

KS: That’s pretty impressive, that kind of success at 35.

TS: I mean I don’t know that it’s that impressive, I’ve just, I’ve worked really hard, yeah? I don’t like to brag.

KS: No, of course not, that’s what I’m here for. I’m going to brag for you.

TS: Well, when you put it like that--here, try some of this, this is the squash quiche, it’s one of my specialties.

KS: I bet it’s from squash you grow yourself?

TS: Of course!

KS: I’m almost expecting you to say you keep the chickens too.

TS: Oh, no, uh, birds make me nervous, I went to a farm once and a rooster sort of landed on my shoulder and crowed in my ear the whole time, it was bad. Seriously, though, try a bite, please.

Note: fucking spectacular quiche, holy shit

*chewing noises*

KS: Oh wow. That is. Amazing. That might be one of the best things I’ve ever eaten.

TS: You’re making me blush.

KS: No, really, this is really really good. I could just keep eating only I don’t want to keep you, so we should--we should get back to the interview. So you’ve got a Michelin-starred restaurant at 35. When did you open it?

TS: Um, when I was 21, 22 maybe? Right out of culinary school. Well, not right out, there was a, uh, a gap, I wasn’t doing much of anything for a while.

KS: Illness?

TS: Sort of. I mean, you’re probably not going to believe this, but I had amnesia?

KS: Oh my god.

TS: Yeah, I was in a boating accident--you remember the Akatsuki-gou?

KS: Do I remember--that was the biggest news story going when I was fresh out of college, of course I remember that. You were on the Akatsuki-gou?

TS: Yeah, I was on there, and there was the, the incident, and I was pretty badly injured and lost my memory for a while. But once I got better I opened the restaurant.

KS: Wow, I’m even more impressed now.

Note: pull up some of the news stories about the Akatsuki-gou. Add some extra interest there, that’s a lot. There was some hero cop who saved everyone on there, maybe I could look him up for another article, do a retrospective.

KS: Um, what made you want to open a restaurant? After all that happened?

TS: I mean, I guess it was to honor my sister? She was the one who put me through culinary school, and she, uh, she died. Not long before the accident.

KS: Oh my god, I’m so sorry to hear that. Was she unwell?

TS: Not really? I mean. Uh. She killed herself. I’d rather not talk about it.

KS: Of, of course not, I’m so sorry. That’ll, I’ll leave that out of the article, of course.

TS: Thanks, I’d appreciate that. Anyway, uh, I mean, she died, and then I was in this accident, and kind of a lot of stuff happened, but when I’d gotten my memory back I ran into an old professor of mine from culinary school and I had money from, um, my inheritance? He’d tried running the restaurant but decided he wanted to go back to teaching, and I had the money to buy it from him. So I bought it, and, um, redecorated it and gave it the new name and everything and there you go. Restaurant Agito.

KS: That’s amazing.

TS: Thanks!

KS: Actually I’ve been meaning to ask about the name, what does Agito mean? Is it, um, is it a family name, or something personal, or--I feel like I’ve heard the word before.

TS: Oh. Oh, uh. Have you? *nervous laughter, not sure why* It’s sort of, it’s just sort of...it’s got. A personal meaning--are you all right?

KS: I’m fine, I’m fine, sorry, just--just a headache. Anyway, Agito. I remember that word, there was something years ago...did it have to do with...mirrors? I feel like I remember mirrors...

TS: Mirrors? No, nothing like that--are you sure you’re ok?

KS: I’m fine. Sorry. A personal meaning?

TS: Well, it’d be really hard to explain. It was...it’s from something a couple of friends and I did together, we had sort of a club.

Note: I think he’s hiding something here. He looked really nervous, and I’m not sure why. Need to look into that word. Agito. I’m sure I’ve heard it before.

KS: Really? A club? What did you guys do?

TS: Oh it’s--it’s complicated.

KS: I--I’m sorry, who’s that who just came in?

TS: Oh, that’s Tezuka, he’s a regular, he runs sort of a fortune-telling business near here. Nice guy. Why?

KS: I...feel like I recognize him.

TS: Well, he does get everywhere, sometimes he just sets up on the street in the weirdest places to tell fortunes. Maybe you’ve seen him before.

KS: I’m sure that’s it, yeah. So, uh, it’s always just been you? No, no business partners or co-owners or anything?

TS: Yeah, just me. Well, and Mana, she’s an old friend, she helped me out a lot when I was having those memory problems? She works here now, you met her when you came in. And there’s another old friend, Ryou, he was in that club I mentioned, he does deliveries for us sometimes when he’s in the area. But he travels a lot.

KS: He does--what? I’m sorry, could you repeat that last part? I’ve got this...ringing...in my ears, I missed the last bit.

TS: Oh, just. My friend Ryou delivers for us occasionally. He’s a great guy. *rustling* You know what, I’m going to get you a glass of water.

KS: That’s really not necess--actually, you know what, I’d appreciate a glass of water, thank you.

TS: No problem! Um, Mana, could you--

*woman’s voice in background, not loud enough to be understandable*

TS: Thanks, Mana! Look, Mr. Kido--

KS: You...you can call me Shinji, that’s fine.

TS: Ok, Shinji, are you sure you’re all right? You’re not, uh...feeling things?

KS: Feeling things? What do you mean?

Note: What a strange way of putting it. Am I feeling things. There’s definitely something going on with that guy.

TS: Oh, you know, uh, other people’s thoughts. Or like...moving stuff with your mind?

KS: No, why would I--I’m not sure what you mean, I--

*startled noise*

TS: Oh, oh, what’s wrong?

KS: I--nothing. There’s a, a mirror over there, I just saw my reflection, it startled me.

TS: It, uh, it was definitely your regular face you saw, right?

KS: No, I, uh, I’m just, not a big fan of mirrors.

TS: Oh! Then that’s, that’s all right.

*clinking glass*

KS: Thank you.

TS: Thanks so much, Mana! Anyway, uh, never mind that, forget I said any of that. But...also, if you keep getting headaches--actually, just. You should come by here to eat whenever you like, I think. If you need to talk about stuff.

KS: Um. Thanks? I’m sorry, I’ve got aspirin in my jacket, I just need this ringing to stop--you’re sure Agito doesn’t have anything to do with mirrors?

TS: Definitely sure.

*sound of someone drinking water*

Note: not sure what got into me here. My reflection startled me really badly, I guess. I don’t think “Agito” actually has anything to do with mirrors, but when I think back 14 years or so I just think, “mirrors,” not sure why, and with all that talk about the Akatsuki-gou it brought that up.

--

I should cover that mirror on the wall over there. It keeps reflecting the light from the window into my eyes.

--

KS: So, uh. On to the menu! We’ve got this amazing tasting plate, I’d love to write a bit about the food you make here.

TS: Right, yeah! So you had some of the quiche, and then this here is a vegetarian lasagna that I’ve really perfected over the past few years--

--

[Pause agitointerview.mp3]

Head hurts again. It’s probably the glare. Definitely need to cover that mirror. Wish that ringing sound would stop.

Tsugami seems like a nice guy. Wonder what he and his friends were up to that he’s so afraid to talk about.

Restaurant Agito is a well-loved neighborhood institution, entirely free of the world within the mirrors--

The world within the mirrors? What the hell?

Restaurant Agito_

Why won’t my ears stop ringing?

Click.

Click.

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