#cos u need to be in the right frame of mind

[nevernonline]

✧.* he's not into you; hvc

synopsis: curious what the problem is in your dating life where you just can’t seem to get guys to commit fully to you beyond a second date, your work associate offers his help.

part of my ninety minute movies one shot series. ♡︎

paring: vernon x fem! reader.

genre: co-workers2friends2lovers (? lmao)

warning/s: mentions of substances (alcohol, weed, cig, vape etc.) swearing, very bad jokes!, sexy time (y/n has female genitalia!) pls no minors!!

word count: 6.3k

content: . non-idol idolings, some other svt members. y/n and vernon work at a bar.

note: our next stop in my fav little movie inspired writings is he's just not that into you!! a true classic in my eyes. and who better to be our male lead than bernon himself, a perfect silly goofy man. i acc tried to edit and be good?? for once.. lmao. love u xo. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Waltzing around your co-workers behind the bar like a choreographed dance, handing out drinks to some of your familiar customers, soaking cherries in alcohol, and stuffing your tips inside of your folder for the night it was a perfect distraction from the thoughts running through your mind about that awful date you had gone on the night before. 

You were convincing yourself all the guys you’ve been out with just weren’t for you, maybe to make yourself feel better, maybe just to put blame on someone else for the reasons you can’t seem to surpass a second date. 

“Y/N, could I get two vodka martinis. One dirty and one with a twist, twice shaken please.” 

“No problem, Som.” 

Somi was one of your co-workers and someone you’ve become close friends with working with her over the course of a year when the bar first opened. standing by your side on  the busiest night of the week, the other was Vernon,  he was slightly newer and unfamiliar standing next to you behind the bar, girls flirting with him left, right and center hoping to crack open his quiet yet charming exterior. 

Taking orders upon orders your body was craving a moment to yourself, being an introvert and working in a high volume environment with the type of company that spends hundreds of dollars a night just to sit at a table and feel important takes a toll on you. 

“Vernon, would you be cool if I stepped outside for a second?” 

“Yeah, no problem. I’m good.” 

“Alright, thanks I’ll be back in five.” 

“Sounds good.” 

Nothing more than his simple answers, for the most all you know about him is he’s your age, in college not sure what major he could possibly be studying, and he lives decently close to the bar, coming in on his days off with groups of his friends to have a drink of his own made at your own hands. 

Stepping outside the employee entrance into the back of the building, feeling the cool air light up your body, you decided to light up something of your own, a small perfectly rolled cigarette wrapped up in its signature strawberry flavored paper and vanilla tobacco inside. 

Three minutes into your first break of the night, the door slid open revealing the quiet boy standing in its frame. 

“Shit. I’m sorry, I actually need your help. A big group of finance dudes came in.” 

“It’s alright, I’ll save it for later.” 

Dipping the pastel candy like cigarette into the ashtray, basically kissing it and saying you’ll see it soon, you stepped back in with Vernon to your front strolling through the back room full of fresh liquor bottles. 

“This is a weird question. But what were you smoking? It smells good. Actually, normally cigarettes make me nauseous as hell.” 

“Oh. It’s a vanilla tobacco, but my rolling papers are strawberry so it’s kind of sweeter that way.” 

“No wonder. I always thought you smelt like vanilla musk, but I knew it was something different. I just assumed it was perfume. I like it.” 

“Thanks, Vern.” 

“Yeah. Want to take the table? Or wait for them to come up to us?” 

“I’ll go.” 

“Alright.” 

Cutting around the marble countertop, trying to avoid the patrons sitting at the end of the bar. You spot the group of men wearing their fancy suit jackets, and various colors of button down tops. One of them in particular was your date from a few weeks ago. The one who left you a post it note on your nightstand to wake up to basically telling you he wouldn’t call but thanks for the fuck. 

Swilling your pride, you stayed walking towards them, now with the pretty smile usually wiped across your face lost and turned into a closed lip grin. 

“Hey, what can I get for you guys?” 

“I’ll take you with a side of bourbon on the rocks please.” 

“Clever. I’m not on the menu. Anything for you.” 

Your fingers pointed towards the rest of the helm just patiently waiting for more unusual comments and weird flirting tactics. 

Your date though, kept his head buried in his menu, avoiding making eye contact with you out of his own embarrassment making you decide to fuck with him a little in front of his annoying crowd of friends. 

“And anything for you, Chris? Jack Daniels and Coke with a splash of cherry I presume? Or are you going to write your order down on a post it note?” 

His crowd erupted in laughter, clearly aware of his tactics when he leaves girls and decides to not call them back.

He muttered back it was fine as you walked off back to Vernon watching on with a smirk on his face. 

“You know him I assume?” 

“Unfortunately I do.” 

“Can I ask how?” 

You contemplated telling him a lie, just something simple like he was an old friend or an ex-boyfriend, but in order to keep him from opening up to you, you chose the real reason. 

“Actually we went out a few weeks ago. In the morning I woke up to a note taped to my pillow saying how he wasn’t interested in seeing me anymore but thanking me for being a good fuck and being so accommodating and sexy.” 

“No fucking way.” 

“I’m not kidding.” 

“Want me to spit in his drink?” 

“Yes. But I don’t want you to lose your job. It’s alright, not the first time for me unfortunately and actually maybe one of the nicer ones.” 

“Not the first time a dude you’ve fucked wrote you a note saying he’s not into you?” 

“There’s been worse believe it or not.” 

“You’ve piqued my interest.” 

“I’m sure.” 

“How do you meet dudes like that?”

“I’m a lucky girl, now do me a favor and take these drinks to them, because if I do I’ll probably say some shit I’ll regret.” 

“Alright. What’s his name?” 

“Who?” 

“Asshole over there.” 

“Chris” 

“Cool. Thanks.” 

“Vernon why?” 

“No reason, keep working.” 

“Don’t do anything stupid.” 

“My whole vibe is stupid, be back in a second.” 

Watching the boy out of the corner of your eye, you watched as he placed everyone’s drinks for them, reaching Christopher last, pretending to trip over his chair, spilling the alcoholic concoction over his pants. 

“Dude what the fuck?” 

“Oh shit, my bad. Let me get you a new one.” 

“Why the fuck are you so clumsy, how am I going to get a girl here when I look like I pissed myself?” 

“The girls that come in here don’t want some bitch who drinks cherry whiskey and Coke, they like real men. But I’ll be back in a second.” 

“What the fuck did you just say?” 

“You heard me, man. One second alright I’ll be back with your bitch drink.” 

Chris’s friends seem to be enjoying watching his night being turned into a shit storm, assuming they maybe don’t enjoy his company much either. 

“Why did you do that?” 

“He seems like a tool, he’ll be fine.” 

“Well thank you. It was funny, I had to hold my laughter in so he doesn’t think I made you do that for me.” 

“Safe bet.” 

Your night continued on until midnight when all the happy and drunk patrons exited the restaurant and you got to cleaning up the bar space, leaving you, Vernon, and Somi alone in the dimly lit room. 

“Vernon? Want to stay and have a drink as a thank you for helping me out. Somi would but she has to get back to her ball and chain.” 

“Are we allowed to do that?” 

“Well my dad owns the place, I don’t think he cares much.” 

“You’re dad? Wait what the fuck, I never put that together.” 

“Yeah. Him and his friends.” 

“Holy shit.” 

Laughing along with Somi at his amazement, you bid her goodbye before sliding into a bar top table, holding the glass of vodka in your well manicured fingers. 

Much to your surprise your more than shy coworker decided to stay with you sliding in next to you holding his own glass of beer. 

“So wait. I’m confused. Your dad and his friends opened the bar. Why do you want to work here?” 

“Easy. I always liked the idea of being a bartender and my parents would kill me for being a kid who didn’t have a job or work ethic and just using their money.” 

“Got it. Aren’t you in school?” 

“ I haven’t decided what to go for yet so I’m taking some time. Not sure yet. You?” 

“Journalism.” 

“For real? That’s cool as hell.” 

“Yeah.” 

Your phone lit up on the table blasting the ringtone really loudly in between you and Vernon, flashing the name Matthew on the screen. 

“Hey. Yeah, this is her. Oh really? Can you hold on just ONE second. Thanks.” 

Vernon waved you along letting you go on with the conversation with the guy who's been taking you on dates for the past week, curious why he’d be calling you late. 

 “Wait since I’m out of the loop, who was that?” 

“You really want to know?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay, so his name is Matt. We met at the coffee shop a few weeks ago. He was cute. He paid for my drink and we just sort of hit it off.” 

“Have you guys slept together?” 

“Yeah. The first day we met.” 

“Y/N no. You’ve got to make these guys wait. Like they’re getting exactly what they want from you before you even know if they’re fucking idiots or not.” 

“Really? Does that actually work though? I mean you heard him say he likes his ex there’s nothing I can change about that?” 

“Did you ask when his last relationship was before you guys started dating?” 

“Yeah he said he’d been single for two months.” 

“Two months? And he’s already back with her? Or was he always seeing her when you guys were together? What kind of dates did you go on? Dinner? Or?” 

“Coffee sometimes, then he’d just come hangout at my place most of the time.” 

“So you never went to his?” 

“No.” 

“So he was cheating on his girlfriend with you?” 

“What? No, he said he was single.” 

Vernon ran his hands through his hair and let out a sigh before looking back at you. 

“You guys met for coffee, you’d have him over to your place during the day, you’d have sex and he’d leave? You never saw his apartment? He just confessed that he’s been seeing his so-called ex over the phone the whole time you guys were quote on quote dating. He definitely lives with her and was fucking you for fun. You weren’t dating.” 

“Speaking from experience, Vernon?” 

“No. I’ve only ever dated one person seriously.” 

“So why are you giving me advice about my dating life?” 

“Because I had a successful five year relationship and you’ve had none? And you seem to need it.” 

“Wow. I would normally be pissed, but you’re right. I can’t seem to tell what I’m  doing wrong actually. Maybe I'm destined to be single.” 

“Not true. You’re pretty, nice, and you’ve got a cool ass life. You’ll be fine, you just need some editing maybe.” 

“So what? You want to be my relationship guru? Or?” 

“Yes.” 

You outstretched your hand to his and he shook it for you, confirming your now partnership where he would help you with your dating life. 

“Wait, before we go further. Try this.” 

Lifting the straw to your lips for you, Vernon offered you a sip of the drink he made.

“Wait, that's good, what is that?” 

“That assholes drink.” 

“I hate that I actually fucking like it.” 

“Me too.” 

You and Vernon spend the rest of your night together shooting the shit and getting to know each other more, once two am rolls around you both decide to head out and walk home. 

“This is me.” 

Much to your surprise Vernon swipes his key card to enter the same building as you. 

“Wait, you live here? How come I’ve never seen you in the building?” 

“I just moved in like three weeks ago. I spend most of my time in my apartment with my cat if I'm not at school or work.” 

“What floor?” 

“Seven.” 

Pressing the number seven on the elevator button before you tapped number thirteen, you and Vernon rode silently up to your separate homes. 

Before stepping off onto his floor, he pressed the hold door button.

“Come over tomorrow around six? I know you have the night off so we can hangout or whatever.” 

“Okay. What should I wear?” 

“You’ll figure it out. You always look nice. Casual is fine.” 

Rolling your eyes to his back as he strode off to his front door, you yelled a goodnight out of the door before they clocked shit and ran you up to your own place. 

Waking up the next morning you stepped out of your bed and pulled out all the ingredients to make a perfect cup of coffee, something that was like a religious ritual for you to clear your head before starting your day. 

After the brew was finished dripping though your pour over carafe you decided to take in some sun on your balcony and prepare your mind for the rest of the day until you were set to get ready to hangout with Vernon. 

The unexpected invitation to go on a quote in quote fake date with the boy had your head confused. What should you wear? What should you do with the little information given to you about what’s going on? 

After spending a few hours outside with your coffee and disconnecting from your phone, you decided to head back inside and go through your closet in search of the perfect casual outfit. 

Placing options on your bed, you hopped into the shower and spent time under the hot steam scrubbing your body from head to toe. After you were satisfied with your cleanliness, you stepped out and sat at your vanity, drying your hair and curling the front two pieces of your perfectly done up-do, painted your nails a perfect cherry red color, and put on your typical makeup look. 

Sliding your slippers back on you stood now in front of the three tops hanging in front of you feeling them for the perfect vibe. Eventually selecting a simple white button down top to match your gray pleated short skirt, slipping up a pair of simple tights and black heeled knee high boots. 

Finally the time came for you to run down seven floors and step off to find Vernon, knocking on the door to the left of the elevator a woman who you’ve seen around the building once or twice answered. 

“I’m sorry, I think maybe I have the wrong apartment. Excuse me-“ 

“You’re y/n?” 

“Yes. Hi.” 

“Hi, I’m Vernon’s friend Chae. I like your outfit, it's super cute.” 

“Oh. Thank you.” 

Stepping into the similar shaped apartment to yours, you notice the colorful paintings all over the walls, the beautiful soft blue couch, and the cozy smell of fresh linen hitting your nose, as you walked in further you saw a group of various people sitting around in his living room, some pouring themselves drinks, some standing around eating snacks and talking. 

“Would you like water or a beer or anything?” 

“Oh no, I’m alright for now thank you.” 

“No problem, I’ll just go see what he’s up to. Excuse me.” 

“Sure.” 

After waiting five minutes in the threshold of Vernon’s front entry, he peeled around the corner, dressed in an oddly similar outfit to yours, minus the heels and mini skirt. 

His crisp white shirt and matching gray coat and pants, a black leather bag, carrying a pair of nice black sneakers in his hand. 

“Hey, sorry I accidentally spilled cola on my other shirt, I had to change.” 

“That’s alright. I like your outfit though, you look cool.” 

“Thank you, I like yours too. I told you about casual dress though.” 

“This is casual?” 

“If you say so. Want a cocktail or something?” 

“Uh, sure? Wait though I thought we were going out or something, I didn’t know you had company. I can leave?” 

“No. Well, we’re going out a little later to a party,  I wanted to invite you, come on.” 

You stepped into his kitchen where he had various types of alcohol scattered on the counter, next to slices of pizza and a couple bags of chips. 

You looked around the room at the new faces, some of them you recognized from Vernon bring them to the bar with him. 

“Want the asshole special again? I actually made myself one.” 

“Weirdly I do, yeah.” 

Vernon laughed as he mixed you the same concoction he spilled the night before, handing it over to you gracefully. 

“Thanks.” 

“Yeah, no problem. This is a weird question, but did you roll any of your cigarettes or have any of those cute papers you use? I told my friend about them and he wanted to find some to roll a joint with.” 

Digging through your bag you pulled out the small case full of tobacco and papers from inside, holding out the pack to him to give to his friend, someone who you’re sure you’ll meet at one point or another. 

“Wow. Thank you.” 

“It’s cool, I have a bunch anyway. So, what does this have to do with you being my relationship guru anyway?” 

“Nothing actually. Just wanted to hangout with you more.” 

“Oh, right.” 

Something about Vernon being so kind to you and sticking up for you last night and today was making you see him in a different light almost like you were starting to have a crush on him. But he could never be into you that way, especially seeing how he interacted with his friend Chae. 

Walking around his apartment and saying hello to his friends, you chose a seat adjacent to the couch, one that was unoccupied and slightly out of the way. 

Some of his friends knew who you were without you even having to mention it. Talking and getting to know them. You excused yourself to the bathroom, but stumbled upon a room adorned with movie posters and music equipment. 

“The bathroom is right here.” 

Vernon pointed to the unlatched door down the hall, the same position as yours. 

“I know. I live here too. I was just being nosy.” 

“Oh. That's cool, you can check it out if you want.” 

Stepping into his office space, you smiled looking around at his various media and collectables, staring at the framed record on the wall signed by an artist you like yourself. 

“This is yours?” 

“Yeah. I got it as a birthday present when I was like eighteen. I love it.” 

“Sick.” 

“Sick? You’re so weird. Do people say that shit still?” 

“Fuck off. People definitely still say that.”  

“Not cool people.” 

“You literally told me I was cool yesterday?” 

“I spoke too soon.” 

As you and Vernon were standing in his room laughing, Chae appeared behind you both without your knowledge and gripped Vernon’s side, scaring the both of you with his reaction and finding her laughing her ass off. 

“You should have seen your guys’ faces. It was too easy.” 

“You’re such an asshole, I almost hit you.” 

“I’d like to see you try, big boy.” 

You just smiled, feeling a little awkward watching Vernon flirting with his friend.

“We want to head out, are you guys ready?” 

“I’m good, I think Y/N had to use the restroom though?” 

“Yeah. It’s okay, I think I might just head back to my place. I have a headache, but you guys have fun.” 

“No way, come on, take some tylenol and let's go.” 

“Chae. Let her leave if she doesn't feel good.” 

“She obviously wants to leave because she found your weird collection of fucking disney vhs tapes, not because of her headache.” 

“Not true.” 

“It’s fine. I’ll come, just let me use the restroom fast. I’ll meet you.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah.” 

Leaving you to do your business, Chae handed you two small white pills from her bag, and a swig of her beer to wash them down with before heading behind Vernon as they got ready to leave for the next location. 

After a few minutes  of walking you and Vernon’s friends  pulled up outside a bar you’ve never been to but heard a lot of your friends enjoyed, amply titled Love Bites.  

Vernon held onto your shoulders and walked you into the front door of the bar, pushing you towards a table where he told you to sit down and wait, as he walked away and left you with his friend to order everyone a round of drinks. 

The seat next to you that you’d hoped Vernon would fill was taken by a dark haired boy you hadn’t recognized from earlier back at the apartment. 

“Y/n? Hi, I’m Joshua. 

“Oh. Hi, nice to meet you.” 

“Vernon’s friend just so you don’t think I’m some random dude.” 

“Right. I figured.” 

“Actually I was the one who asked for the papers, thank you by the way.” 

“Yeah, no problem. Do you smoke? Like weed or?” 

“Yeah, just weed. I used to smoke cigarettes and vape for a while or whatever, but I stopped for a while. I just realized it was a boring habit.” 

“How’d you know I had strawberry papers, did Vernon tell everyone?” 

“No, no. He just said you were cool. Very friendly, but you didn’t talk about yourself enough and that you have nice smelling cigarettes that you smell like sometimes. Nothing too much really.”

“Oh. No dirty details about my weird dating life he pressed me about?”  

“Nothing about that, but he knows about my awful habits too. He always tells me I need serious help.”

“Yes. Me too, I called him a relationship guru.” 

“He thinks he is, but he’s had a crush on the same girl for a while. I'm not sure who she is, he never told me anything more about it. I’m not sure he’s the guy I’d trust to set me up that's for sure.” 

“Oh really? Is it, you know?” 

You pointed with your eyes across the table to Chae who was seated next to Vernon’s side. 

“I don’t think so. She’s definitely been in love with him forever, they were friends when they were kids and rekindled a few years ago when she moved back to town. She's really obvious about it, but he never said anything.” 

“Ah, I don’t know he seems to flirt with her alot.” 

“He’s just like that with everyone, overly friendly, kind of dorky.” 

“I see that.” 

You spent the entire night talking and getting to know Joshua, surprisingly finding out a lot of things that made you more and more intrigued about him. 

When the night finally came to a close, you left with his number and a plan to go out with just the two of you a few days later. Maybe Vernon being your friend was going to pay off more than you knew and his relationship guru advice brought you right into the hands of his very good friend. 

In the next few weeks you continued working and getting to know the pervious shy boy you thought Vernon was and going on actual good dates with his friend Joshua, who much to your surprise wasn’t the type to fuck you and forget you on a first date. 

Months passed by as your casual dating with Joshua went on and on, thinking that while it was good something with him was missing. But, you kept giving him a chance anyway. Unaware what that something was. 

On a night where you were getting ready to go out for a date you found Vernon outside of your apartment door, knocking on it wildly waiting for you to come and answer. 

“Is everything alright?” 

“Y/n.” 

“Want to come in?” 

“No. Yes? Is that alright?” 

“Are you okay? You’re acting weird as hell.” 

Vernon just nodded his head and sat down on your couch. 

“Are you getting ready to head out? You look really nice. I feel like I’m interrupting something.” 

“No. I just got home from a date actually. Why?” 

“Fuck. I’m sorry.” 

“It would help if you stopped saying sorry and told me what was wrong.” 

“Chae.” 

“Oh?” 

“She was over at my apartment. We were just playing video games and having some beer or whatever, but she tried to kiss me. And I let her at first, but I didn’t want to kiss her. I never have. I know she’s pretty and whatever, but like..” 

“Wait. So why did you come up here?” 

“Because I didn’t know what else to do? She’s still downstairs, she said she won't leave until we talk about what happened and she’s crying. I tried to tell her I wasn’t interested in her romantically and I liked being her friend, but she won’t take no for an answer. I just didn’t know what else to do. I’m sorry I interrupted your nice night like this.” 

You walked over into the kitchen and poured Vernon a glass of water to hopefully settle him from rambling so much. 

“Can I ask you why you aren’t interested in her? I always assumed you guys had something going on.” 

“No. Never. She’s not my taste, I mean she’s really cool. But we’re really similar and I don’t want to date someone who reminds me too much of myself otherwise I’d get bored, but never break it off maybe because I’m too nice or maybe because I feel too comfortable. Does that make any sense?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Plus, I told her I liked someone else anyway and she got even more upset. She started accusing me of being a liar and leading her on.” 

“I’ll be honest and when I first met her I thought you liked her too, but the more I got to know you I realized you pretty much act that way around everyone you’re comfortable with.” 

“Right.” 

“Want me to help you get her out of your apartment?” 

“You would?” 

“Yeah. I still owe you for spilling that drink a long time ago.” 

“My god, no you don’t” 

“Shh, in my heart I do. Are you staying here or coming?” 

“I’ll come.” 

Heading down the elevator still in your nice date outfit, you grabbed his keys and unlocked his front door to find Chae still sitting on his couch, waiting for him to come home. 

Looking her up and down you found her dressed in shorts two sizes too small with Vernon’s T-Shirt draped over her body. Clinging to his pillow and looking you up and down. 

“What the fuck is she doing here, Vernon? She’s not a part of this at all.” 

“Actually, I’m here to ask you to politely get the fuck out of his apartment and stop making him feel bad for not liking you.” 

“You’re such a bitch, he does like me. The person he doesn’t like is you, so maybe you should get the fuck out of here. He just feels sorry for you.” 

“Chae, that’s not true and don’t talk to her like that.” 

“You’re actually defending her? She hasn’t been nice to me once since she met me. She just acts like an entitled brat around me all the time, making me feel stupid. She’s not a part of this conversation at all, don’t you understand how insane this is?” 

“She is a part of it actually, because she’s the girl I have a crush on and if I wasn’t so focused on making everyone else around me happy at the price of myself I would’ve been able to tell her that already instead of doing it like this.” 

“Verno-” 

“Her? You fucking like her? Seriously? She told me she never would date someone like you and that you’re dorky and a loser.” 

“What the fuck is wrong with you? That’s never happened. You’re the one who parades around making me feel like an idiot and that I'm not good enough to be friends with Vernon. You know who’s being an entitled brat? You. You’re kicking this poor guy out of HIS apartment for not liking you back like a child, you’re sitting on his couch in HIS clothes, waiting for him to come back to you to try to pressure him into being with you when he told you he likes someone else. If you’re such a good ass friend to him like you constantly claim to be, then maybe be that good friend and get the hell up, give him his shirt back and get the fuck out or you can talk to him like the adult that you are and try to understand how he feels and continue being his friend. If you don’t like either option I don’t know what else to tell you. So, what will it be?” 

“If I talk to him, you need to get the fuck out of here, I don’t want you around.” 

“Fine with me, but stop being such an insufferable bitch and maybe have some compassion. Goodnight.” 

Not wanting to wait around for the elevator, you slammed Vernon’s door shut leaving them to have their conversation and walked up the seven flights of stairs back into your cozy home untainted by her bad energy. 

Hours later after you were showered and ready to destress from the absolute chaos your night has been, you poured yourself a glass of wine and sat on your to smoke a nicely rolled joint as a treat to yourself, leaving your phone inside your room and out of your eyesight. 

Suddenly mid-inhale another knock came to your door, half of you wanted to pretend you were asleep, but another part of you assumed whoever it was must have an issue with you smoking inside your home. 

Looking through the peephole of your front door, you saw for the second time in the night Vernon standing outside, now in his plaid pj pants and a hoodie pacing around waiting for you to answer. 

Taking in a deep breath you opened the door and took one look at his messy hair, realizing he must have been trying to sleep, but couldn’t. 

“Yes?” 

“Can I come in?” 

“Be my guest. Sorry I’m smoking weed inside, it smells weird.” 

“Can I have a hit actually?”

“Sure.” 

“Thanks.” 

Handing over the pink flower, Vernon took an incredibly long hit of the weed, exhaling it creating a cloud over the two of you. 

“Wine?” 

“Uh, not yet. Can I confess something to you?” 

“Is it about the girl you like?” 

“Sorry you had to find out like that. I was planning on telling you, but then you started seeing Josh and whatever else it just got away from me, it wasn’t the right time I know. I just let it slip.” 

“It’s okay, Vernon” 

“It’s not, especially when you’re not single. I feel like I ruined any relationship we had with saying it, even our platonic one.” 

“When you talked about ruining my nice night before? Didn’t you wonder why I was coming home from a date at 7:00pm? It was because I actually just broke it off with Joshua. He was really nice about it of course, but I just felt like we were friends and nothing more.” 

“Oh. So you’re not?” 

“Dating him? No.” 

“So I didn’t ruin it?” 

“My night? Not at all, it wasn't that great anyway.” 

“Seriously?” 

“Yeah.” 

Vernon took the opportunity to steal your glass of wine and downed it right then and there whispering a small sorry to you for doing so. 

“Okay, so. I knew I liked you the moment we started working together. I wasn’t sure how to tell you ever, I wasn’t even sure how to talk to you because you made me feel so awkward, not because you were mean or anything, just because I knew I’d sound like a fucking dumb ass. But, that night we first walked home together and had a drink. I found out so much about you, I liked you even more so I asked you to come and hangout with us at my place, I figured I could get some courage to finally ask you out, which ultimately I failed at again and it just spiraled out of control. It’s just gotten more and more bad for me, like bad in the sense I just can’t stop falling for you and you didn’t know. Until I essentially fucked it up further telling you I like you infront of Chae, which was a mistake too. I keep fucking it up.” 

“You're doing pretty good if you ask me, but you should’ve just told me a long time ago then none of this crazy shit would have happened.” 

“That's charming, no?” 

“Only because it's you.” 

“Look, I don’t need an answer from you now or ever, just know I wont be fucking weird about it anymore. I’ll let you go to bed. I’ll see you in a few days at work and everything will be good.” 

Vernon got up and tried to walk towards your front door for an exit, but you caught up to him in time, grabbing him by his shoulders and spinning him around just in time to plant a perfectly placed kiss on his pink lips. 

“I like that you’re fucking weird and for your information I admire your dumb vhs tape collection.” 

Vernon took his opportunity to kiss you again, even longer this time than the first one, pushing his tongue into your mouth, making you moan as his hands snaked their way around your body. 

“You taste like vanilla too.” 

“Nice?” 

“Perfect.” 

“Would us having sex count as us fucking on the first date?” 

“This would be considered fucking before the first date.” 

“Ah, I see. Is that a no-no?” 

“I’ll let it slide.” 

Vernon lifted you up, prompting you to wrap your legs around his long torso, and carried you onto your couch, setting you down to be perfectly face to face with his enclosed penis, now beginning to grow inside of his pants. Dipping your fingers into the waistband of his pants you grazed the tips of your fingers over the head of his dick, making him shiver from the cold touch of your hands. 

Unwrapsping him like a present, his penis flew from his waistband and you quickly wrapped your lips around the soft pink skin, slightly creating a suction cup with your lips as his hands found their way to the back of your head and he fucked your face gently. 

As his speed picked up, the head of his dick was pounding its way to the back of your throat making him weak in the knees and unsure how much longer he could go on like this without relieving himself inside of your mouth. 

In order to savor this moment further, he against his better judgment pulled you off of him and got on his knees in front of you, running a finger down your neck, placing soft kisses on your lips and all the way down to your sternum, his fingers following along. 

Pushing over your panties to the side he ran those same fingers up and down your wet center, making you moan and push onto him, begging for him to put them inside of you without many words. 

When he was finally done teasing you, he placed his first two fingers at the entrance and ran his thumb over your clit making you squirm and let out a small moan, trying to grind your way further onto him. 

With the same speed as before he started pumping his fingers into your wet center, crawling his way into your body and making you overwhelmed with pleasure. 

Suddenly he was four fingers deep stretching you out as a preparation for you to be comfortable fucking his much larger dick when suddenly you squirted all over his bare chest, slinking back onto the couch in a fit of heavy breathing. 

Vernon didn’t let you off the hook though, he grabbed onto you hips, carrying you onto the floor under him. Finally fucking you through your previous orgasm, riding into the sensitive waters of your clit, softly sucking on your nipples as he slowly thrusted himself onto you, almost like it was the only way to cure the aching in your center. 

As the sweat and your bodily fluids mix their way together, the heavy breathing slowed to near silence, watching him in ecstasy fucking into you, noticing the beauty of the way his eyelashes ran across his cheeks and the small light gold flecks in his eyes. He’s never been more beautiful to you than he was tonight. 

Suddenly in your daze his lips came onto yours before he slightly lifted them off of you to whisper while they still grazed over the top. 

“Can I come inside?” 

“Please.” 

And with your verbal confirmation Vernon filled up your body with his semen and rode into his very own orgasm as well. 

Kissing you once again he got up and ran into your bathroom to grab a clean towel for you both to clean up with and laid back down next to you on the floor. 

Suddenly the two of you erupted into laughter, just thinking about how stupid you both were to see chemistry between you was about as hot as the sex you both indulged in. 

“I can’t believe you were going to leave.” 

“I can’t believe I thought you weren’t into me.” 

“Who said I wasn’t lying?” 

“The way you were moaning and fucking into me told me all I needed to know.” 

“Ok, hot shot.” 

“So about that first date?” 

“It’s on.” 

[takes1]

omg if ur requests r still open… let me start off by saying i ate your tsukki series right up it scratched my needy loser itch SO WELL 😭😭 so much so im coming to you as a woman and begging you to do a needy oikawa scenario headcanon fic ANYTHING!!!! like i’d love a pathetic loser oikawa whos like perchance… crushing on one of the members of the girls team of seijoh…? 🫢

i’ll literally take anything u write atp that tsukki series was so fucking good that i literally put off studying for my finals to wait for ur updates instead 😭 i hope u know ur an excellent writer n wish u a very well day!!! 🤍🤍

god this request made my damn dayy!! ilysm. you're the best. i'm so glad you liked the tsukki series!! i've been waiting around for people start requesting! i love writing needy men, they're so dynamic

warnings. none. sfw, but hard-on mentioned so minors DNI info. hq fluff / yearning / needy!oikawa / loser!oikawa / volleyball team!reader / ace!reader / kind of popular!reader / oikawa getting hard talking to you / oikawa crushing / seijoh losing a match / iwa being a good friend / 1k words 🤍haikyuu collection. more of my hq here more links. my ao3 / masterlist / request box is open and empty, so give me some ideas pls!

"Come on, dumbass- the bus is here," Iwaizumi reached out to grab Oikawa's wrist to keep him from lingering any longer at the entrance to the gym floor.

"Give me two seconds," Oikawa spat. He swatted away his teammate's attempt to haul him from his vantage point.

Iwaizumi sucked his teeth and muttered something under his breath.

For once, Oikawa didn't pay it any mind. He had to see you spike. He had to watch you win.

The ball spun up, perfect and slow for your setter- his clammy hands clenched at the soaked number on his jersey. You leaped up for it. He froze that moment in time, your perfect form, perfect body, perfect force, all sculpted for this sport you both loved and dedicated yourselves to. It was a frame he could worship until the end of time.

You gave a brutal and strong slam, clean and cutthroat, that connected to the linoleum on the other side of the court.

"YEAAAAHHHHH!!"

The cries of the audience, your team, a double whistle, and the pounding of his own heart for you filled his ears. He couldn't hear the reinforcements Iwaizumi had sent to drag him away so they could leave.

It didn't matter now.

None of them were in the mood to entertain his sensitivities, since they hadn't had as much luck as you against Karasuno.

That being said, he wasn't the only one who was happy the girl's team had managed to make it. It made their group jogging back to catch the bus just a bit less out-of-sorts.

Though his plan was to speak to you first thing that next morning about the match, it never worked that way.

You were the epitome of untouchable, surrounded by many friends and always smiling at something they said to you- he couldn't stomach the possibility of you not smiling at him the same way.

But you were magnetic; as soon as he gave up on the line he prepared for you, he would watch your perfect smile light up the room and have a brand-new, better one.

Yet, a mere, "Hey," Was all he could manage on his best days when your teams switched for practice, between his own admirers never leaving him alone, and your always-occupied attention.

He wasn't enough to catch your eye.

That alone stumped him, because he never had a problem with this before you.

There was a noisy little songbird outside the window, right next to him on the other side of the glass, practically egging him on.

His gaze flitted from the bird over to your desk for the final, innumerable time that class. The heavy head in his hand tilted, studying the way you played with your hair, in hopes to replicate it.

God, if you were his, you would never have to worry about brushing it. He'd be at your beck and call, anything you needed, he would search Heaven and Earth for it.

He sighed through his nose, hand over his mouth.

There was a pain in his eyes.

You copied the last few pieces from the textbook to your notes and brushed away some eraser marks from your desk. A steady, cute, focus on your brow.

The bell rang for lunch.

A fluttering of wings and the bird he was watching was far away now, soaring through the partly cloudy sky. He turned back to you and his heart sank.

There were already guys at your desk congratulating you on your win.

You grinned and mentioned your team's hard work, casual and cool, and took your lunch out as they walked away.

He couldn't let himself be forgotten. With a bit too much enthusiasm he stood and his chair scraped the floor, loud.

Only a few people turned to look and you were thankfully not one of them.

No time to think-- just going for it, he belted out at the side of your desk,

"I saw you win the match."

What the fuck did he just say?

You glanced up at him. He didn't mean to say that, exactly. He should've just said congrats. His face filled with struggle.

"Oh!" You wiped your mouth, "Yeah, I saw you guys walking out, I wanted to talk to you!"

He stumbled over his words, unable to think clearly enough to take a second to breathe, "Y-eah, the bus- was there--."

"The girls watched you guys, too. I'm sorry about what happened."

His face was starting to get warm, and just his luck, two of his most common groupies were stalking you with dark looks at the door. He was fumbling so bad. Of course you watched him lose.

You looked down for a moment, "That was a tough match."

In doing so, you remembered that monster serve that made you jump out of your seat.

You giggled, "Oh man, but that serve of yours!!"

His chest puffed up, filled with a newfound pride that mended every lackluster attempt he ever had at getting your attention.

"That was so fucking cool!"

Heat crept up his neck, goosebumps all over his arms so bad he had to cross them. He was blushing ear to ear.

A choked sound preceded his uneven voice, "You saw that?"

"Y-eaaah, I mean," He was making it worse already, but you were grinning up at him. How could he not keep trying to impress you?

"-They're better way better at practice, ya know."

"Oh, yeah?" An unwanted, deep voice egged on from his side.

He jumped away from Iwaizumi, whom he made plans to meet with for lunch, now standing with his arms crossed and an unimpressed brow line.

You both shared an amicable wave before he slapped a broad hand on the back of Oikawa's neck to direct him away and let you eat in peace.

It was arguably in his best interest, but Oikawa scrambled out of his grip as soon as he was in the hallway, pissed that he was abducted just as it was getting good.

"The fuck?" He snapped, rubbing the hot spot just under his hairline.

Iwaizumi, not about to tolerate his attitude like he did yesterday, rolled his eyes and shoved his hands in his pockets. He started walking towards their usual spot with a smirk that his friend couldn't see.

He called over his shoulder, "You should really tuck that, dude."

The few students in the hallway watched his back, some in amusement, some in carnal curiosity, as he panicked for a moment, faced a corner -beet red and muttering-, and did just so.

my masterlist.

please send requests!

thanks again anon for the send, hope you like!! <3

[childotkw]

(omg sorry for the long post!!)

I have this fanfic idea in my head for years now and it is one of them i often fantasize about (yea i have many different ones. i just let them play in my head like a movie while staring into space or while listening to music) but anyway, sometimes harry is a boy but most time hes a girl version. He/she has this mad talent about getting in and out of any situation or place she needs to. He/she has this shady business where she steals for clients in exchange for money, or sometimes for pleasure because hes a bloody magpie and likes shiny things. The harder the mission the more she likes it (danger junky). I even imagined his/her apartments/hide-out place in great details (and the booby traps). Anyway, the ministry is under Voldemorts control, under guise as Minister Riddle. He gets involved in trying to trap her/him after she manages to sneak into his mansion (and skillfully avoids all the detection tools) and she robs his ring, escapes right under his nose too... (She has no clue that she robbed from a dark lord yet, that wasnt in her extensive research). That moment is when his obsession starts. She is already wanted by the ministry but he now gets involved. I have this scene where he lays a trap and she is in his grasp however she uses the ring as a bartering chip for her freedom (she thought she might have to use it when she realised a dark lord was after her). She placed it in a dangerous place surrounded by enemies, a place only she can sneak into but something goes wrong cos theres a rat in voldemorts inner circle and she gets caught. Before getting caught she manages to send the ring to him but he still decides to get her out of there and gets into full murder/war scene (he wanted to get rid of this group of enemies anyway). Shes pissed of. She could have gotten herself out even after the torture sessions, thank you very much. 😂 Anyway a fic full of (sexual or other) tension between the two, trying to get one over the other. A lot of wump, vulnerability, power play, childhood trauma, inner demons ect.. Theres so much more but ye, sorry, just felt like sharing and see where u go off on this haha, cos ur brain is super interesting and i never had the skill to write something even if i have so many ideas. Mind you, i tried starting on my own novel but im just not a writer, if something could just take it straight from my brain to paper, that would be awesome 😂😂😂 (futur AI?? Haha) xxx

(Imma borrow a concept from American Gods for this because it's too good not to!)

When Harry is four she finds a coin on the ground. It's gold, and shiny and to a little girl it's the prettiest thing she’s ever seen. So she picks it up and puts it in her pocket - and it's the best decision she ever made.

Because her pretty little trinket is, not that she knows it at that point, a leprechaun's coin. Imbued with pure luck, this little coin changes her life, and brings with it certain traits.

A need for mischief, the ability to come out of any situation on top, a love for all things shiny. And that combination, introduced to someone so young, well...it's only natural that Harry would grow a taste for thievery.

Years fly by and Harry, with her lucky coin held close, begins to gain a reputation as someone who can get in and out of impossible situations, in and out of impenetrable places, and collect valuable items. She can't help herself - it's almost an addiction, and no one is better than her.

Her current wanted poster - no image, because she's too lucky for that - is framed on the wall of her hideout.

Harry never turns down an interesting job, so when someone asks her to break into Minister Riddle's house and steal some documents, she agrees because why wouldn't she? Riddle's a dick of a politician, and Harry might not be heavily involved in the politics of her country but she gets a special kind of joy from fucking over assholes.

She breaks into his house, grabs the documents, and on her way out she sees a ring. It's gaudy, truly a hideous thing, but Harry wants it.

So she takes it.

How was she to know that that ring would be the thing that brings down the full attention of the Minister on her? How was she to know that her dickhead of a Minister was actually a fucking Dark Lord and petty as shit.

Harry likes a challenge but she likes living more - and something tells her that even with her lucky coin, she wouldn't come out of that fight unscathed.

And so begins their dance. Harry on the run, Riddle at her heels, back and forth, up and down, the two of them circling each other like cats.

Riddle's growing obsession with the person clever and quick enough to outmanoeuvre him.

Harry's addiction to adrenaline making her take more risks.

This is the most fun either of them have had in years.

[headkiss]

Hiii, could I request a Steve x Female reader inspired by the Little women, specifically the dynamic between Amy and Laurie. Reader is Nancys sister (feels second to her, like Jo and Amy) and got close with Steve when working with him at scoops ahoy, he confesses his feeling when they’re captured by the Russians but it doesn’t go well but plz make it a happy ending cos I need it hahaha ♥️♥️♥️ thank u!!

hiiii i love little women and i hope this is somewhat what u wanted!!! | 0.9k words, wheeler!reader, fluff :D

When Steve was with Nancy, you convinced yourself you didn’t like him, that you simply had to deal with his presence.

He was always kind to you, making small talk whenever he could, flashing you warm smiles. You weren’t used to him even looking your way, let alone talk to you, and then he was in your house.

Maybe it was the unusualness of interacting with him that put you off. Or—as you’d figure out later—maybe it was the underlying jealousy that he liked Nancy in a way he’d never like you.

Then, they broke up, and he was gone. You found out what happened, and you reached out to Steve, letting him know that you were there if he needed. That’s when you first realized you’d been lying to yourself all along; you didn’t dislike him at all.

You eventually started working with him and Robin at Scoops Ahoy, and he became your best friend. And you, his.

It got harder and harder to push your feelings for him away, to act like all you saw him as was a friend.

Then, the Upside Down invaded your lives again, and this time, you were dragged in. Russian codes, trying to crawl through vents, a secret elevator. All leading up to now, being trapped in said secret elevator. You had enough time in the room to process the fact that you might not get out, and as everyone else slept, you stayed wide awake.

You thought everyone was asleep, at least.

Steve was awake, looking at you through squinted eyes so that you wouldn’t notice. His stomach was in knots; he felt awful for involving you in this mess. You who, against all odds, stuck by him even when your sister didn’t. You who he’d grown to love, over time.

It was hard for him to accept at first, that he fell for none other than his ex’s sister. But, he couldn’t ignore it for long. What with the way you looked at him without an ounce of judgment.

You bury your face in your hands, lean your head against the wall behind you. Steve decides to get up and sit next to you. He nudges you with his shoulder, making you look over at him.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks.

“Can’t imagine why. It’s not like we’re doomed, or anything,” your sarcasm is familiar enough to make him smile.

“I’ll get us out of here, honey. I swear.”

“Yeah, I know you will.”

Though you don’t actually know anything about how or when you’ll get out, you do know that he’s going to do everything he can to keep you safe. You’ve never had to doubt that.

“What are you thinking about?”

He can tell when your mind is full, when your thoughts get a little too loud. He’s learned to know you better than he knows anyone else and sometimes it drives him nuts. All he wants to do is hold you, kiss it all away. But, he can’t.

He asks a loaded question, you think. Because, what aren’t you thinking about right now? You’re thinking about your family, what the last thing you said to them was. Thinking about the other people trapped along with you and how much you wish they weren’t here, only so that they were safe, You’re thinking about Steve, about all the things you might never say.

“Just, um, about what might happen if we die.”

“We’re not dying,” he faces you, makes sure you’re looking at him when he repeats, more sure, “we are not dying, you hear me?”

“Yeah. I know, I’m just scared.”

This time, he lets himself reach out. He takes your hand, laces your fingers together.

“Me too.”

His eyes are searching your face, roaming over every detail. The color of your eyes, the way your lashes frame them, the slope of your nose. Then, he thinks, if he does die, he doesn’t want it to be before he gets to tell you how he feels.

“Can I tell you something?”

“‘Course you can, Steve.”

“It’s gonna sound kinda crazy,” you squeeze his hand, a silent reassurance. “But, just hear me out.”

He clears his throat, clearly nervous. Your voices stay hushed, never loud enough to wake anyone, only to hear each other. It’s your turn to look him over, the way his throat bobs when he swallows, the hair that falls over his forehead.

“‘M not judging you, promise.”

“No, I know. Um. So, when we met, I barely even knew you. But now, everything’s different. You’re my favorite person, like, ever, and I don’t want you to feel like things have to change after this, but I love you,” your world halts, it’s just him. “I’m in love with you.”

“You’re lying,” you want to believe him so badly, but it’s hard not to feel like he only wants you because he can’t have Nancy.

“I’m not. Look at me,” he uses the hand that isn’t holding yours to cradle your face, thumb sliding over your cheek. “I know how it seems, and that the only reason we know each other is ‘cause I was with Nancy, but this is real. I do love you, and I’ll do whatever I can to prove that.”

You kiss him, quick and sweet, but the way he melts into you is enough to let you know he’s being completely honest. You lean your forehead on his.

“Steve?”

“Yeah, honey?”

“I love you, too.”

At least, if this is your last day alive, you were able to have been loved by Steve Harrington, and to love him back.

[whichcouldmeannothing]

minnie's Very Good icemav fic rec list!

icemav is such a massive ship but its hard to find fics for it :((

so here are some i liked :))

(this list isnt definitive i have not read a lot, i know there are good ones I missed pls tell me If u have any good recs!!)

fics by @boasamishipper

when i see your face (oneshot, 1k+)

In which Maverick Mitchell wakes up from surgery, high on painkillers, and hits on his husband.

sweet! very cute! maverick rly is a dumb dumb boy

Word on the Street (oneshot, 1k+)

Sharon looks down at her wedding ring and says a prayer for the handsome Navy pilot that’s heading their way. He’s got no idea what he’s in for. / Or, Iceman and Maverick versus the Real Housewives of Fallon, Nevada.

look i also know nth about housewives but this is adorable and hilarious and sometimes we need an outsider pov, est relationship btw!

baby, baby i'd get down on my knees for you (co-written with @academicgangster or simplecoffee on ao3, multi-chapter, 18k)

Or, the Wooing of Iceman Kazansky by a Very Smol Mr. Darcy

(Five times Maverick proposed to Iceman, and one time Iceman accepted.)

OH M,YGOD YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THIS FIC MAKES ME LOSE MY MIND AN DIE AND CRY AND ITS SO SWEET AND ADORABLE AND I MISS THEM SM HGBGKLDS

between the lines of fear and blame (oneshot, 1k+)

Out of all the things Maverick had expected to eventually kill him — getting caught in someone’s jetwash, being shot out of the sky, his plane’s engine exploding — getting shot by one of his students in a civilian bar didn’t even make the top ten.

He never expected Ice to take a bullet for him, either.

There's a first time for everything.

extreme whump extreme, most icemav fics hurt mav and i think mav deserves a little better. just a little. this is good also

fics by @susiecarter

and gamble for the sun (one-shot, 1k+)

It's like this: Maverick and the Iceman make bets, sometimes.

OH MY GODDD OH MY GOD THE TENSION THE IDIOTS IDIOT OT LIKE 3K ITSLOVELY AND SO SO GOOD PERFECT TENSION AND EVERYTHING (in my notes I wrote that they write rly good summaries I just wanted to tell you that)

A Shared Cup (one-shot, 7k+)

It was only a training exercise.

It was only supposed to be a training exercise.

hard 2 exp but its a soulbond au and I LOVE THOSE I LOVE THOSE I LOVE THOSE READ THIS NOW AND GO INSANE W ME

fics by @compacflt

this isnt like a thing about the fics but on ao3, the profile says commander of the pacific fleet (wouldn't that be hilarious if the actual compacflt were on ao3? national security hazard) and that's possibly the funniest thing I've read today

Easier Said Than Done (100k+, series)

"So you just wanna be the best at everything, huh?"

"Yes," Kazansky says seriously, then, confused, squints at him. "Don't you?"

"Of course not," Maverick says. "I just wanna be the bestpilot."

"Huh," says Kazansky, wondering if there's a difference betweenMaverickandMitchell. "Maybe you shoulda stayed at TOPGUN, then."

(Or: Tom Kazansky rises through the ranks while trying to stay a good man. If he ever was one to begin with.) (When We Get Around To Talking About It, 65k+)

"We can start here, I guess. If we're talking about us," Pete says. "Nineteen-eighty-six. The first thing I thought, when I saw you in that O-club, was: Iceman isoff-limits.Capital O, capital L."

Despite himself, despite the fear, Tom laughs a little. "Oh, yeah? Why's that?"

"Well, first off, we were competition. And yeah, you were attractive, but then you opened your mouth and I swear. You were just an asshole. Goose is trying to introduce you to me and here I am thinking about how much of an asshole you are. Shut up about Cougar, asshole."

"It was supposed to be a friendly competition!"

"Yeah, right. So that's what I was thinking: he's attractive, clearly doesn't know how to talk to other men, might be into the proposition if I framed it the right way. But he's an asshole, so this competition is just gonna befriendly." Pete pauses. Then he says, "Ice, you wanna get married?"

And that's how they start talking about it.

(Or: they finally get around to talking about it. And Maverick's got a couple extra memories.) (Debriefing (& Other Stories), 60k+)

look its rly long. but this whole series is wonderful. if ican ever print out one top gun fic to have and to hold irl I would buy more paper and print both of these ones. absolutely lovely and it doesn't feel long its just a good good good time and the classic icemav fic

ALSO HONOURABLE MENTION

Kings of the Air (@fabula-unica, 20k+)

Fighting and fucking: two things he did extraordinarily well. How could he have known what the effect would be when you combined the two?

ABSOLUTE HERITAGE FIC EVERY ICEMAV SHIPPER HAS TO LIVE AND BREATHE THIS FIC OH MY GODDD SO LOVELY SO SO SOS LOVELY read this fic. it has been waiting 12 years for you

ao3 etiquette is in order, if you liked it, leave a kudos and a comment :D I hope you enjoy these fics as much as I did !

[cadriona]

tagged by @lisascumslut78, thanks for the tag!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

uhh at least 43? 39 are unanon'd, but at least 4 are anon'd i forgot the exact number lol

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

537,345 somehow????

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Genshin impact! but other fandoms that i've written for are trigun stampede and naruto lol, and then atla by dint of crossover and two unmentioned as they form a crossover that i want to discard to the back of my mind

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1: 5 times Ningguang saved Beidou and the 1 time Beidou returned the favour (genshin) 2: Mora for a myth (genshin) 3: [redacted] (naruto) 4: Beidou walks off the gangplank (by accident, really) (genshin) 5: Yelan: Spymaster, gambler, self-proclaimed matchmaker (genshin)

5. do you respond to comments?

Yea!! although sometimes it takes a bit to kick my brain into gear to mass respond. Typically needs the right frame of mind, but then i can chug through replying to quite a few!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

either Take my heart for it was already yours or Your soul's drowned into silence, No one will rouse you, both genshin with MCD ahaha oops

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Fever, soup, and tiny baby chirps maybe??? i've quite a few with happy endings but this one was pretty cute

8. do you get hate on fics?

Probably! but people have been nice in the comments section and i love all my readers dearly :D

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

ahaha yes >u> um. uh. in my defense generally its inspired by art (taro's art specifically) or for event weeks so imgoingtoduckoutofthisquestionnowplsandthanks

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

Yea! The one thats most out of nowhere is Rebirth, Revision, and Revolution, an atla x genshin fic where post apocalypse in genshin verse due to celestia, ning, beidou, yelan and keqing have been reincarnated into the elemental nations! i... really need to finish it lol, there's 3 chapters of *hopefully* 4 up, but the Book of Fire is not cooperating

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not exactly? i know there are counterfeit fic sites and at least one of my fics are there, but idk if that counts

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yea! with the funniest tags too

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

I... don't really recall doing so?

14. what's your all time favourite ship?

BEIGUANG thank you my queens for rekindling my joy for writing

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

the naruto fic, the beiguang vigilante fic, the anon'd trigun fic, uhhh oops

16. what are your writing strengths?

not entirely certain! i think im usually decent at balancing humor in the right situations and worldbuilding?

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

actually getting the brain to settle down to write ok while true, setting that aside, probably not knowing what to cut (i tend to want to put all the details i can think of in the fic, which isn't really conducive for a variety of reasons)

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

depends on if i'm actually familiar with that other language or not, and how easy it is for the reader to get at translations (hover text or subscripts, depending), i myself probably won't be capable of doing so.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

...naruto >u>

20. favorite fic you've written?

mora for a myth for all the worldbuilding i got to cram in! and maybe in that vein, the atla x genshin cross :D

tagging @yuniemaki, @canonical-transformation, @xnarja, @fishareglorious and anyone else who wants to give this a go!its currently past 1am so i can't really remember names rn, sorry orz

[supervisormeero]

hello hello! idk if you remember but someone else sent an ask abt dedra’s romantic past (or lack thereof lol) and u said that if anything syril has more prior ‘experience’ in that area than her; i was curious if you had any headcanons pertaining to that?

i read a fic once where syril was going to meet dedra and used cologne that a former boyfriend bought for him and i loved that little detail so much; to me, he’s the type of person that would keep those things after a breakup instead of getting rid of them; it would be a point of pride that someone loved him enough to get him gifts so he’d still be using them

Hello hello! Thank you for asking me about this, and I'm sorry I wrote so much — I love theorizing about my silly Imperial weirdos and their strange, sad pasts. (I also need you to tell me what fic that was, because I thought I'd read everything, but I'm not recalling a fic where Syril wears a former boyfriend's cologne. I'm desperate for new reading material. Please.)

I got the basic frame of the idea about Syril having some experience from Kyle Soller. In at least one interview, he's said Syril's never been in love before, but he's "had experiences like that." Kyle goes on to mention in that interview that Syril's probably kept himself away from "that" — love — because he's always been so focused on being the best he can be for the Empire. Which, fair. That's certainly how he comes across on the show, although I'd argue he probably turned some heads at Pre-Mor. I mean, come on. He looks like that. I'd also argue "keeping himself away from that" would not preclude a very occasional one-night stand, which is where he might have more experience than Dedra, who according to Denise has never been touched. Yikes.

But even if he's never been with anyone (which would just make him and Dedra even brighter twin flames, I—) he, at the very least, has had "experiences like that." So, maybe he started to fall for someone and pulled himself back, reined himself in, told himself to put the Empire and his ambitions above everything and anything else because he is determined to remain in constant motion up the ladder. In his mind love could slow, if not halt, his progress. I think that'd be in character for him. But he, at least, has had emotions. He's started to fall, only to shake his head, right himself, and stiffly walk away. Dedra, on the other hand... I doubt she's ever even approached the cliff. Her personal life is an Antarctic tundra. Her past, in my opinion, has been so fraught and damaging and painful that she's likely never been told, platonically or romantically, that she's loved.

So, that leads me to Syril and Dedra, and Syril's fixation with Dedra, and why her after all this time. It's no secret that Syril's a mess, and he feels everything deeply — his need to follow the rules, his need to serve the Empire and advance in his career, and, of course, his obsession with Dedra. I think he allows himself to be obsessed with or to fall for her because she's not a random co-worker, or an acquaintance, or a stranger on the street. She's everything he wants, on almost every conceivable level. She's an idol in a white tunic, a dream made real. If he's always been so focused on being the best he can be for the Empire, she's perfectly aligned with that, so there's no need to keep himself away. To be honest, I don't think he even knows that he's in love, although he might get there in Season 2. In Season 1, I think he knows that she's a beacon of hope, so he's basking in her light, and through basking in her light he's basking in the light of the Empire. After all, he risked his life to save her in Ferrix... but in doing so, he saved a piece of the Empire.

On the subject of Syril in an actual relationship, I absolutely see him as the kind of person to keep mementos like cologne, or a shirt, or gifts he couldn't bring himself to throw away after a breakup. I think you're right; he'd treasure any memory of being genuinely loved, because I don't believe he has many of them. I don't think he'd handle rejection or perceived betrayal well because of what happened with his father, but I also think whatever's in his private box has to do with his father, so. Even when his heart is broken, I don't think he ever quite banishes that person from its every corner. Or I suppose it could be a vanity thing: I made this person love me, and I have evidence to prove it. I do think he's vain. But when the cologne runs out, I think he'd feel empty inside — and a few of his brightly colored memories would turn grayscale. That's why it's easiest to love the Empire: the Empire has never hurt him. The Empire believes in him, and he believes in it. In my opinion, regardless of how he feels about Dedra, the Empire will always be his truest, deepest, and most faithful love.

[qtipcottonbuds]

𝙈𝙄𝙊 𝘼𝙈𝙊𝙍𝙀.

this song MAN. put u on the flamingos rn. dis is stupid but yeehaw let’s go ababybaabaybayabaybayabyaby

warnings ;; overall fluff etc and allergies.

by qtipcottonbuds 2022. do not repost.

𝗔𝗟𝗘𝗫 𝗫 𝗚𝗡!𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗥;

Rummaging around, shoulder-deep in dusty cardboard boxes wasn’t how Alex had originally planned for his Saturday evening to go ahead. Initially he’d had planned to spend it with Gus and the rest - the phrasing of ‘rest’ being used loosely here, rather, a makeshift group consisting of himself, Gus, Shane (accompanied by random appearances), Clint and Emily (and if she wasn’t too caught up with bar work, sometimes she’d offer those weird readings with her pebbles).

Seb & Co. were chill. Relaxed. Marching to the beat of their own drum, that sorta thing. Always perched in that little corner ‘n it looked pretty cosy. Although they just never seemed to have the same enthusiasm he did, or maybe it was that he was too energetic for their liking, which was fair enough. He did tend to come on a bit too strongly at times. Not that Alex himself minded it either, it was a part of him, but he couldn’t stop the nagging doubt in the back of his mind.

Twisting his head to swipe his nose against his letterman jacket, Alex barely manages to stifle an oncoming sneeze, eyes darting over to the ajar door. Alex may have not planned to tell his grandparents he was searching through their stuff late at night either; the pair of them, still downstairs, together on the couch. He’d asked them, of course. Alex just hadn’t announced the said time he was doing it.

He pauses, gaze concentrated on the light coming from the small gap between the door and door frame, waiting. 

All clear.

Continuing to surface through worn photo albums, more often than not stumbling across loose photos slipping out of the handmade books, he finds his hands tugging onto a matte-like finish, sharp but with the corners looking a lot worse for wear. Yet, he’s got what he needs. Alex can’t deny his brief consideration of yanking the vinyl packaging out of the box, but instead, he opts for shimmying the vinyl right out - wincing at each jostle of objects hitting cardboard, getting progressively louder with each movement.

The dust particles are swirling much faster now in the air, clogging up his nostrils and lungs; and Alex is not panicking. He doesn’t panic. Even as he breaks out into a intense sneezing fit, still managing to take out the vinyl (something he’d pride himself on multitasking on in a dire situation), smudges of dust coating his knees and hands, and tilting his head back towards the ajar door, eyes irritated by foreign bodies, only to look like the proverbial kid caught with his hands down the cookie jar, but instead, it’s filled with dust-mites.

“...Hey, Grams…”

He can barely make out her silhouette, his eyelids and under eyes beginning to puff up, swelling - but he can tell she’s giving him a pointed look.

She always does in situations like these.

But, instead, she draws closer to him, mindful of her own fragility, and reaches up to a nearby shelving unit. Her fingers trail across, searching, until she pauses on a particular spot, slipping her hands through a small gap and grasping onto what looks like another vinyl.

Turning on her heel, she turns to face him, offering a wry smile, “Here you go, young man,” and slips the album into his hands, albeit still covered in dust.

Alex isn’t entirely sure whether to immediately play difficult and feign indifference, playing off the fact that she’d caught on to his idea, or give in and panic. He probably looked like a lovesick fool.

“It has a much slower tempo; me and your grandfather used to dance to this all the time when we were much younger. And, between you and me, Gus has a hidden record player in the storage room, just pull him to the side and ask to borrow it, he’d freely lend it to you to use,” she leans down, rubbing her thumb against the swollen skin, surveying the damage down, “And, Alex? Don’t forget to take your antihistamines.”

He can’t bring himself to respond.

[minteayoongimakesmewoozi]

[aggressively side-shoves the person in front of me] Hi! Hello, can i get two orders of fluffy and soft pancake couples with extra sweet syruppy moments?

14. "i've been looking for my hoodie-" "my hoodie, you mean."

Tanyame ofc, though this one i would fits *haha* modern au established relationship.

18. "you're cold?" "no? it's super sunny right now-" "take my jacket anyway."

Fujiko and/or Yorichii or michikatsu

Sank 💕

LSDNFEWNOEFO it's okay there aren't many people for u to shove!!!!! but yes i can absolutely do my best to serve up some fluffy pancakes for u!!!!! esp cos we need it, considering what happened in ch116.........

and i will take any reason to write fujiko 🥺🥺🥺 thank u for feeding my fujiko and sengoku era squad obsession as always!!!!!! <3

14. "i've been looking for my hoodie-" "my hoodie, you mean."

(modern!au)

Tanjirou was used to a routine when he returned home from work. He would open the door to his cat greeting him with a meow, followed by his girlfriend meeting him in the genkan with a kiss and a murmured, "Okaeri." That was the signal for the burdens of the day to disappear from his shoulders.

However, there was a shift in routine when he called out "Tadaima!" and was met with silence after the customary greeting by Shirogane.

He blinked, taking in the quiet living room. The lights were on, which meant that Ayame was home from work, but she wasn't heading over to greet him. The kitchen was empty as well; no clanging of pots and pans as Ayame wrestled with the temperamental stove that they kept saying they would replace.

Tanjirou put away his coat, stepping into his house slippers with a concerned sound. Shirogane wound around his legs before sauntering off to do what he did best - napping in the early evening sunlight until it was dinnertime.

"Ayame?" he called out.

There was a thump, then sounds from their bedroom. Ayame appeared, her bun half-unravelled, the loosened curls sitting on one shoulder.

"Tanjirou, you're home! I didn't hear you," she said apologetically, leaning up to press a distracted kiss to his lips. "Okaeri."

His hands settled on her hips before she could draw away. The corners of her lips twitched, her hands resting on his shoulder in return.

"What's wrong?" he asked, thumbs rubbing circles against the worn fabric of her t-shirt. He recognised it; it was his old baseball jersey from high school. "Did something happen at work today, love?"

"No - well, yes," she admitted at Tanjirou's eyebrow raise, "but that's not the point."

"No?"

"I've been looking for my hoodie - "

"My hoodie, you mean."

"Our hoodie," she retorted. "Don't be selfish, Tanjirou."

Tanjirou couldn't help the grin that helplessly tugged at his lips. He shouldn't have been so happy; Ayame had just confessed to having a bad day at work, although it was obvious enough when he saw his old baseball jersey hanging off her frame. She only ever wore it when she needed comfort and he wasn't around to provide it immediately. Her workplace was much closer than his, after all.

"Anyway," Ayame continued, playing with the hair at his nape, "I can't find it. Do you know where it is?"

He hummed, fingers locking at the small of her back so he could pull her flush against his chest. She followed easily, gravitating into his orbit without a complaint.

"Sunshine?"

"Hm?"

Tanjirou blinked his eyes open - he wasn't aware they had closed. He nuzzled the top of her head, humming once more at the familiar scent of her shampoo.

"The hoodie?" she questioned.

Right. The hoodie. It was a hoodie that was about two sizes too big on him, with a green-and-black icihimatsu pattern. He had gotten it as a birthday present from his family when he was fifteen and it had been so hilariously huge that he could still wear it even now that he was well into his adult years. From the moment he started dating Ayame, she was wearing it more often than not. He didn't mind - it looked much better on her than it ever did on him.

"I think we left it at Zenitsu's place," he said thoughtfully.

The last time she had worn it was on their double date with Zenitsu and Nezuko. They had returned to Zenitsu's apartment afterwards, and they'd had another heated games night as usual.

Ayame's expression fell. Tanjirou leaned down to kiss her frown away, helplessly charmed by the way she loved that old hoodie so much.

When they broke apart, foreheads pressed together, she murmured, "We should go get it back."

"Mn, sure." He pressed his lips to hers again, spinning her so she was walking back towards the living room. "But not right now. It's late."

"It's barely seven," she protested, although she allowed him to walk her backwards until her calves hit the sofa. "Tanjirou, the hoodie - "

"You don't need it," he assured her. "I'm here now, okay?"

"You just got back from work."

"It's fine, it's fine."

"You stink. You need a shower. You smell like sweat and sugar."

Her nose wrinkled. She was never very fond of overly sweet things, even though she was dating a pastry chef.

Tanjirou smirked. "Let go of me so I can take a shower, then."

Her arms wound around his neck, a stubborn pout on her lips. Always so contradictory, his Ayame.

"Maybe after one more kiss," Ayame said, fingers sliding into his hair. "Then you can go."

Tanjirou ducked his head down, lips meeting hers. He knew as well as she did that they never stopped at one more kiss. But hey, who was he to tell her otherwise?

He had lost count of how many kisses they'd had when the doorbell rang. He let out a groan, unwilling to move from his spot where he was draped over Ayame as she lay on the couch. He gave her a beseeching look, begging her to ignore it. Unfortunately, the doorbell rang once more, followed by a staccato knock that could only be Zenitsu.

Ayame chuckled, pressing a fleeting kiss to his cheek. "Think this is payback for all the times you interrupted him and Nezuko?" she teased.

"Probably," Tanjirou grumbled, moving so she could answer the door.

It wasn't his fault he hadn't realised Zenitsu was trying to woo Nezuko!

He rolled into the warmth Ayame left behind, finally letting his body settle into the old sofa. He only raised himself on his elbows when Ayame excitedly called out his name.

"Look!" she gasped, eyes lighting up in delight.

He smiled helplessly. "Well, would you look at that."

She was already Tanjirou's oversized hoodie, the too-long sleeves flapping about as she waved her arms. There was a pleased flush on her cheeks, and Tanjirou just felt like he was falling for her all over again. To think she would be so happy over such a small thing.

"Hope I'm not intruding," Zenitsu said - as if he cared if he did.

Tanjirou snorted. "Of course not." He gave his blonde friend a warm smile. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it." Zenitsu turned to Ayame. "Inosuke told me what happened at work today. Must've been embarrassing, ne?"

Ayame stilled. She turned her head slowly to glare at Zenitsu. "Don't."

Tanjirou sat up. His curiousity was piqued.

"What happened?"

"We don't have to talk about it," Ayame answered hurriedly. "Come on, Tanjirou - look! I have my hoodie back!"

"Our hoodie," he muttered under his breath with no small amount of amusement. "And hey, I want to know!"

"Great!" Zenitsu grinned. "Inosuke's coming over in half an hour with takeout. He saw the whole thing."

Ayame scowled. "I hate you guys."

Tanjirou laughed, beckoning her over. She begrudgingly shuffled over, still pouting even as she stood between his legs.

"You love us," he teased, pulling her down by the sleeves for one more kiss.

Her gaze softened when she pulled away. Her hands, buried in his hoodie sleeves, cupped his cheeks before she was leaning back in for another kiss. As usual, one more kiss was never enough.

"I love you," she whispered against his lips.

"Guys, seriously," Zenitsu whined, causing the couple to pull apart. "Look, I'm so happy you guys are a loving couple, but give it a break."

"I'll give you a break, alright," Ayame huffed, glaring at Zenitsu. "Break one of your bones."

Tanjirou laughed into Ayame's stomach. Fingers slipping under her hoodie and shirt, he traced I love you too onto the warm skin of her lower back. Her warm glance told him she knew that too.

18. "you're cold?" "no? it's super sunny right now-" "take my jacket anyway."

(modern!au)

Fujiko couldn't believe her luck.

It had been pouring when she left her house. The dark clouds had dominated the sky before she could blink, and a heavy downpour had dropped right onto her head. Of course, it had to be the one day she had forgotten her umbrella at home. She had to run to the station, glaring out at the deluge that had accompanied her walk.

And now...

"Unbelievable," she muttered to herself.

The sky was a bright blue, the sun shining down cheerfully. A few fluffy white clouds floated amongst the azure expanse.

The journey had only taken half an hour. How the hell?

"What happened to you?"

Fujiko turned at the sound of her friend's voice. Michikatsu was looking down at her still-damp clothes, utterly puzzled.

"It rained when I left the house," she sighed, shaking her head. "I guess the wind blew the storm away from here."

A brisk wind blew past, causing a shiver to wrack through her body. She had thought it was bad in the air-conditioned depths of the train, but even with the sun's warmth beating down on her, her drenched clothes were keeping the cold locked close to her skin.

Yoriichi caught sight of her and immediately coughed.

"You're cold?" he asked, already removing his jacket.

"No?" Fujiko lied. At Yoriichi's bland look, she added, "It's super sunny right now - "

"Take my jacket anyway."

His jacket was shoved into her arms.

Fujiko blinked. She didn't think Yoriichi had ever acted so insistent before.

"Yoriichi, I'll get it wet," she protested, trying to return it to him.

He glanced down at her, then immediately averted his gaze.

"It - It's fine," he insisted. "Just take it - put it on. Please."

"But why?"

Yoriichi winced. "Don't... ask. Just - please."

"I don't understand - "

"Your bra is showing," Michikatsu interjected flatly. "Fujiko, please."

Oh.

... Oh!

It was the middle of summer, so her pale pink blouse was made of a thin material to keep her cool. She hadn't expected the sudden summer rain, and...

Her cheeks heated up.

"That explains why everyone was staring at me," she said weakly. "I'm going to crawl into a hole and hide forever."

Yoriichi laughed quietly, glancing at her as she buried her face in his jacket. "Don't do that. Just put on my jacket and it'll be fine."

Bemoaning her own idiocy, she pulled her hands through the sleeves and zipped it up halfway. The long sleeves fell over her fingers. A warm and spiced scent tickled her nose - the scent of Yoriichi's cologne.

Fujiko sighed. "I look ridiculous."

"It's fine," Yoriichi assured her. "We're going to see a movie anyway."

She peered up at him. "Won't you be cold?"

He shook his head.

With a smirk, Michikatsu muttered, "You guys can always share body heat."

Fujiko reached over to punch him in the arm in outrage. Yoriichi merely reddened and ducked his head.

"Don't joke around like that," she hissed, wishing her ears didn't feel so hot.

Michikatsu gave her a bland look. She didn't know why he was so insistent that Yoriichi had feelings for her. That was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard in her life. Everyone knew that he was in love with Uta - Michikatsu better than anyone.

"Where's Keichirou-kun?" Yoriichi asked, stepping between Fujiko and his brother before their bickering could escalate.

Fujiko slipped her hands into Yoriichi's jacket pockets, warming her cold hands. "He's waiting for us at the movie theatre."

"Better get a move on, then," said Michikatsu, lengthening his strides.

Fujiko let out an annoyed sound in the back of her throat; he knew she couldn't keep up with him like that!

Thankfully, Yoriichi remained by her side instead of leaving her in the dust. He was silent, which wasn't a strange occurrence, except that this silence felt like he was holding something back.

Fujiko smiled warmly. "Well, Yoriichi? You can say whatever is on your mind."

Yoriichi glanced at her, only to have his gaze skitter away.

"... It looks good on you," he confessed quietly.

"Hm?"

"The jacket. It looks better on you than it does on me."

There was a quiet confession in his voice. Fujiko thought that maybe it was possible Yoriichi might see her as more than a friend.

Maybe.

[witchybiitchy]

c’est ça l’amour | l.n

fic masterlist

chapter 6

Sydney was sitting on a plane, her frame positioned awkwardly in the first class seat. She never knew whether it was classier to act as if it was a completely normal place for her to be, or if she should soak up the luxury. In between Monaco and Baku she was being flown to London to do an interview and photoshoot for a French magazine. Looking over at Daisy, she felt a rush of gratitude for the woman, madly typing away at her laptop like she usually did. Sydney had on a pair of fleece shorts and couldn't stop herself from picking at the drawstring, hardly focusing on the movie playing in front of her. This would be the first photoshoot she'd ever done out of her racing overalls, and she was, quite frankly, shitting herself. 

Despite what some people had told her over the years, those people including her mother, she'd never thought of herself as overly pretty. Sure, she could clean up nice, and she typically had much better things to worry about than insecurities over her looks, but at the end of the day she was an athlete, not a model, and she didn't really have one of those effortlessly nice-to-look-at faces that, being French, she'd always craved in the back of her mind. Daisy had assured her that it would be lowkey and casual, but it didn't stop her stomach from churning or her eyes from catching herself in every semi-reflective surface and twisting a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

“Wait, Syd.” Daisy had developed a bad habit of starting sentences with wait, hold on, or okay due to having to placate Sydney into doing whatever she said next. “Don’t look so worried, Jesus. I’m not about to sacrifice you.”

“Are you seriously sure about that? Because I am not.” Sydney said, half laughing.

“You just looked very picturesque, sitting there. See, how's this? I’m improving, right?” Daisy was never the best at taking photos, but she'd been getting better under the support of the AlphaTauri photographer. Sydney liked the photo Daisy had taken; she had one knee pulled up to her chest and one dangling off the seat. She wasn't looking out the window, rather her head was tilted back on the chair and her eyes were half closed. There was just something about it that she really liked, and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. That, and her legs looked really, really nice, which was always a good thing.

“I love it, you should post it.” Sydney said earnestly.

“Caption?” Daisy said, looking at her phone.

“Euh, I don't know, I am bad at these things. You could just do the little plane emoji.” Sydney said, resuming her earlier position. She felt her phone buzz and saw a message from Pierre, maybe she would ask him. Bless plane wifi.

“I like it, or, wait, no that's dumb, maybe, oh wait, cute, how's this instead?” Daisy turned the screen around to show her the photo, with the caption ‘busy 🐝’. She liked spending time with Daisy for this exact reason, she could be her abrupt, kind yet real self.

“What?” Daisy just laughed.

“Busy bee, you know cos you're on a plane and you look tired and it's cute.” Daisy continued, and Sydney saw her press the post button anyway.

“I have never, not in my whole life, heard someone use busy and bee together. Why are bees busy?” Sydney said, her confusion less out of genuine curiosity and more just something to fill the time.

“I don't know, they're buzzing around making honey, they're busy.”

“I think I am a bit busier than a bee, no?”

“Just a bit.” Daisy smiled. Sydney felt her phone buzz again and saw that she had another text from Pierre.

“Busy 🐝 huh”

“ what about it”

“nothing nothing”

“no tell me”

“just a bit corny”

“it's Cute pierre”

“not as cute as you 🥰😍😘”

“🤢🤮🤢”

“idk how daisy made u look that good when ur usually so ugly tho”

“😐”

“r u still nervous”

Her stomach twisted slightly at his reminder.

“a bit, i dont know how to model”

“u wont need to, they tell u what to do”

“oh from all ur modelling experience”

“stfu it's more than u”

“bet u looked gross tho so it doesnt count”

She watched the three dots appear, but received another buzz before Pierre could finish typing. It was Lando. Unlike Pierre's contact, which had a photo of him incredibly drunk holding a beer bottle, eyes wide and crazy with the name pepé le pierre 👃🥖🇫🇷, Lando's was just Lando. It wasn't like she needed a last name or any emojis to recognise him. Just that name alone stirred something within her. It was distinctly different from the current turbulence in her guts, and she wrote it off as the nerves of trying to maintain another friendship, if you could even call their two drunken encounters and a few glances across the paddock friendship.

“heard ur gonna be in london, wanna hang out or smth” She had her read receipts on, and was conscious of taking too long to reply, so she chose to ask Daisy her question instead of googling it.

“Daisy, what does ‘smth’ mean when you are texting someone?”

“It means something, why, who are you texting in English?” Daisy asked suspiciously yet with a knowing look.

“No one, hey!” Sydney squealed, grabbing her phone that she’d left open and face up, giving Daisy plenty of time to see who it was.

“That would've been so much less suspicious if you hadn't tried to hide it.” Daisy giggled.

“I have no idea what you mean.” Sydney said, trying to think of a reply.

“I mean that you’re literally texting one of your colleagues, but you're acting like a schoolgirl with a crush.” Sydney chose not to respond, and Daisy gasped excitedly. “You are a schoolgirl with a crush! I won’t tell anyone, don't worry. Does Pierre know?” Sydney was confused as to why she would be asking about Pierre, but she chose to focus on the bigger issue.

“No, because I do not have a crush on Lando.” Sydney still hadn't replied.

“It's perfectly fine, he’s cute. A bit young for me, but I can see why you’d like him.” Daisy giggled, yelling playfully when Sydney pinched her.

“I do not have a crush on him, we are friends only. Anyway, do I have any free time in London?” She said semi-sheepishly. Thankfully Daisy chose to drop the subject, although she kept a self-satisfied smile on her face as she opened her calendar app.

“Well, we get in at 11, your photoshoot’s at 12:30 and that will take a few hours, they’ve said ‘till 4 but it'll probably be more like 6, and then you're free for the whole night with the interview tomorrow at 10. Sooo-” She sung, but Sydney cut her off with a glare.

“I will tell him that we can hang out tonight then. And maybe he will bring Alex and George, and I will not care because I do not have a crush on him.” Sydney said defiantly, about to begin drafting her text.

“sure, i am free tonight from 6:30, we can have dinner?” She backspaced that. It sounded too intense.

“sure, r u free after 6:30?” Pierre was trying to help her with her English texting, but so far u and r was all that had stuck. She sent the message and hoped that she sounded chill yet enthusiastic yet cool enough. Almost straight away she saw the three dots, and then they disappeared again. Then the message:

“yep, it's random but u wanna go see a quiet place 2? we can get some food after too if u want”

The three bubbles appeared then disappeared again, Lando clearly not wanting to become a double texter this early on.

“i am excited, i am staying at the hilton so u can pick me up? 😄😄” She was trying to channel some of their more playful drunken banter, but immediately regretted it after pressing the little blue arrow, thinking that she was coming off as needy.

“ugh fine 😐 see u at 6:30 🤪” It's okay, it worked. She flicked over to the safari tab and typed in ‘a quiet place 2’. Horror/thriller. Those kind of movies didn't freak her out too much and plus, she would be with Lando, and she couldn't imagine him taking anything that seriously. Although, they hadn't really spent that much time together, so she didn't know why she was coming to these conclusions.

“Done organising your date?” Daisy asked, and it awoke Sydney out of her trance.

“Yes.” She said with faux annoyance, not bothering to correct her on ‘date’.

“Good, cos we've landed.” Sydney hadn't even registered the plane descending at all, let alone the bumps from landing nor the people now waiting to leave the plane. Daisy just chuckled and shook her head. Sydney thought she heard her mutter something about Charlotte, the name of Lando’s PR manager, but she was probably just hearing things now.

-----

The clock had just ticked over to 10:30pm, and instead of sitting in some overpriced Italian restaurant with Lando like she'd been daydreaming about for the past 2 hours, she was standing in the bathroom of the hotel room taking off her makeup with some wipes she stole from the set, her feet aching so much they felt as if they were sinking into the tiles. The whole day had been a colossal shitshow.

Her and Daisy had arrived a comfortable 10 minutes before 12:30, showered and fresh, ready to pose with her helmet and then maybe without it for a few hours. Instead, after ringing the buzzer to the studio and getting no response, they got a call from an assistant of an assistant and told to come to a different studio on the other side of London. So they hailed a taxi, stressed themselves silly until they got there, only to be told that the photographer was running late and wouldn't be able to begin shooting until 2. Sydney texted Pierre in a huff and was uncomforted by his reply that it happens all the time, and what was she expecting? At 2 she was heralded in to be prettied up, and even when the makeup artist admitted that they were 'unusually disorganised that day,’ Sydney just put on her well rehearsed smile, said it was fine and still didn't think to text Lando and cancel their plans. Something inside her wouldn't allow it. But, after several more outfit, lighting and backdrop changes, with the photographer seemingly having no plan and moving with the wind, she caved and let Daisy text Lando through her phone and say that she wouldn't be able to make it. He was kind and understanding, because of course he was, but Sydney still felt a sense of sad defeat where her nerves for the photoshoot once were. Finally, at 10:03pm the photographer had seemed satisfied and now here she was, disappointed and exhausted.

She had texted Lando as soon as they had finished, just to make sure he knew she hadn't forgotten about him, but he was yet to reply. She felt silly for thinking that he would keep his evening free after she cancelled, and yet she couldn't fight the small pang of something at the thought of being replaced so easily.

She was brushing out her hair, fluffy from just blow drying it so it wouldn't be wet while she was sleeping, when she heard her phone buzz. Thinking it was either Pierre or Daisy, she tapped the notification without looking, and didn't realise who it actually was until she picked up the phone to type her reply.

“still down if ur not too tired, in london anyway so can pick u up in 10”

Sydney felt her mouth go dry and her heart start beating loudly in her chest.

“sure, text me when u r here”

She stood still for a moment, just looking at herself in the mirror, before she realised that Lando would be there in 10 minutes and she was in her pyjamas, bra off and hair frizzy. She quickly tied her hair in two plaits, not the French braids she did for races, just relaxed ones, and shoveled clothes out of her suitcase to try and find something suitable. She figured it wasn't going to be overly intense given they were going to watch a movie at 10:30pm on a Friday night when most other people their age would be half blackout in a club by now. She pulled out a pair of wide leg jeans and a green turtleneck. It wasn't what she would usually wear, but then again this isn't what she would usually do. She hadn't been on a date since she'd tried out tinder once during her break between F3 and F2, and that had ended in her saying she had diarrhoea then calling her mum to pick her up.

‘ This isn't a date .’ She reminded herself, but she barely had time to unpack that thought before Lando had texted that he was there and she hadn't even put her shoes on.

“one sec” She replied. She grabbed her wallet and room key and sped walk down the hall, not before texting Daisy where she was going. She didn't need to, she was a grown woman after all, but it felt appropriate. Daisy responded “have fun 😉” and Sydney felt an unknown weight lift off her shoulders. She left out through the hotel's sliding doors and spotted Lando's outrageous car stopped right in front of her. She was trying not to walk towards it too fast, scared of looking too eager, and he got out of the driver’s side before she reached the car.

“That is a very nice car.” She said, half laughing as she looked at her situation objectively. Lando was standing in front of her, grinning sheepishly as he opened her door.

“What, AlphaTauri don't give you cars?” He asked.

“Comparing a Honda to a McLaren is like comparing me to Lewis Hamilton.” Sydney replied, trying not to look at Lando’s hands as he drove them out of the driveway. Something about how calm he looked, how at home he seemed in the car, it made her feel safe and warm in the unfamiliar vehicle.

“Yeah, one's much better looking than the other.” He said cheekily, pretending to look hurt when she flicked his shoulder.

“Is this movie we are seeing good?” She asked, and Lando laughed. “What?” She replied incredulously.

“Nothing, I don't know, it was just how you said it.” He said, smiling. “The first one was pretty good, so I’m sure this one will be good too.”

“Wow, so detailed, I cannot wait.” Sydney said sarcastically. “In a range of 1 to 10, how scary is it?”

“Maybe like a 4, it's mainly jumpscares. Don't worry, you can hold my hand.” He grinned.

“Oh wow, thank you so much. What exactly is a, euh,” She trailed off.

“Jumpscare?” Sydney nodded. “It's just like, AH!”

“Ah!” Sydney yelped, although considerably less loud than Lando. “What the fuck?” Lando just laughed.

“That's a jumpscare.”

“Fuck, I think I need to sleep after that.” Sydney noticed that they’d pulled into a car park and assumed that they were at the cinema.

“By the way, it's ‘on a scale of 1 to 10,’ not ‘in a range.’” Lando said, and this time Sydney thought he might actually be blushing.

“Merci, Lando. On a scale of 1 to 10, how common is the expression, ‘busy bee’?” She didn't know why that was what she thought of, but he seemed to find it amusing.

“I don't know, maybe a 4?”

“I am beginning to think that 4 is your favourite number.” Sydney said, and poked the logo on the hoodie he was wearing, because of course it was his own merch. He smiled and said nothing, now focusing on getting them into the actual theatre. Something about his whole demeanor made her feel so protected, and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. He wasn't that much taller than her, only a few centimetres, and although he was broader it wasn't his physicalness that made her feel so safe in his presence. Maybe it was the way he drove, or how he led them around the cinema like he'd been there many times before, or how he found their seats and, without hesitating, put his arm around the back of her chair, but she felt more at ease than she had since the night after the Monaco grand prix, and she was beginning to think he might be some kind of lucky charm for her. Less lucky, though, and more just...right.

“If you get bored or tired we can leave, I know you've had a long day.” Lando whispered under the movie trailers. He didn't need to, they were the only ones there, but his hot breath on her ear made her wish he spoke like that all the time. She turned her face towards his so that she could whisper back, and brushed her nose along his cheek in the process.

“I won't get bored, don't worry. And if I start falling asleep you can do a jumpscare and I will wake up.” They both laughed softly, then turned their attention to the screen in front of them as the movie began. His arm was still around the back of her chair, and she was resisting the impulse to lift up the armrest separating them and lean into him. She didn't know why though. If it was Pierre, her only friend she really spent time with alone, she wouldn't’ve hesitated, mainly because he probably would've initiated whatever it was and she would just be reciprocating. Maybe that was why she had this pit in her stomach when it came to Lando. It wasn't a crush, she just didn't really know how to act around him yet. The thought eased her mind, she didn't need to stress over the nuisance of having feelings for another driver, despite how carefree Daisy seemed to think it was.

Realistically, even if she did have a crush on another driver, it would be the most nightmarish situation imaginable, whether it was Lando or not. There would be the conflict of wanting them to do well but wanting to do your best. Needing to focus on your race but constantly thinking of how they were going. Feeling like you were sharing them with millions of other people with only a tiny portion to call your own. The questions and the rumours. Never feeling good enough as a driver or a girlfriend. Oh, and not to mention the complete and all encompassing lack of privacy. She must have drifted off into this world of unreal scenarios when a loud noise from the movie startled her and she let out a squeal. In her defence, it was a very, very quiet movie. Lando laughed and shuffled in his seat, almost seeming to get closer to her but still not touching.

Now she was paying attention. And the more invested she became, the more stressed she was for these characters. Also, her weirdly intense focus meant that the next loud noise, which was just some birds flying out of a train car, had her squeezing the armrest out of anxiety for what would come next. She looked over at Lando to see if he was just as freaked out as she was, when she saw that he was already looking at her. Of course, he looked forward once they’d made eye contact, but she knew what she saw. Over the course of the movie, Sydney found herself making her body smaller and smaller until she was sitting with one knee up and one crossed under it, both feet off the ground, her arms wrapped around her raised knee and her head leaning on Lando’s shoulder. The armrest was now digging into her side though, and in a moment of calm she sat up slightly to lift it out of the way.

“Watcha doin’?” Lando asked quietly, above a whisper but not talking volume. She noticed that his fingertips had followed her left shoulder around and were just grazing her jumper as she adjusted the seat.

“This thing is becoming seriously annoying, and I need full focus for the end of this movie.” Lando laughed and seemed to welcome her back into his shoulder where she now settled, much more comfortable and much, much closer. She had a brief moment of wondering if she was being annoying, but she soothed herself by saying that he wouldn't be running his fingers up and down her upper arm if he was finding her annoying. Which, by the way, felt incredibly nice.

The climax was building and, despite telling herself it was just a movie, Sydney couldn't stop the stress that was pumping through her and, without an armrest to clutch, she reached over and grabbed Lando’s hand, wrapping both of hers around it and squeezing. Later, she would realise that this definitely wasn't how she'd behaved with Pierre after a week of friendship, and certainly not how she behaved with any of her other friends, but in that moment all she cared about was the little deaf girl escaping the weird skeleton spider maze-runner things and Lando's warm, callused yet soft hand was a lovely way to express that.

“ Shit, shit, shit, fuck off, run bitch run! Oh my fucking god, why would you do that?” Sydney started yelling quietly, not even realising that she had started speaking French. She briefly thought that she felt Lando squeeze one of her hands back, but she couldn't tell through how hard she was gripping his. After what seemed like the most tense minutes of her life, the credits began to roll and she felt like she could breathe again. She patted the back of Lando's hand before releasing it, and then she reached up her arms to stretch. Lando's hand fell to rest on her waist, now unobstructed by her arms, and his thumb smoothed over the green fabric of her jumper. She lent to rest her head on his shoulder once more, and they sat watching the credits, neither making a move to leave.

That was, until, Sydney’s stomach grumbled the loudest she'd ever heard and Lando let out a laugh. “We probably should’ve eaten before.” Sydney smiled and reluctantly stood up out of his embrace, wanting nothing more than to stay in the warm, low lit room. It was the calmest she'd felt all day.

“Mm, maybe. Where are we going to eat though? It is,” She unlocked her phone “20 past midnight.”

“We're in London, Syd. On a Friday night.”

“Well, lead the way.” She said, gesturing for him to walk past her in the aisle. He swung an arm back around her shoulders and they left the cinema, thanking the teenage cashier on the way out. Instead of getting the lift back down to the carpark, Lando steered her through the front doors, and they were met with London’s cold midnight air. Sydney pulled her sleeves over her hands and tilted her chin further down into her jumper, Lando's arm just the tiniest bit tighter around her shoulders.

“You wanna get a kebab?” Lando asked, and Sydney wondered why he sounded half joking.

“Yeah, that sounds nice. Why are you laughing?” She asked incredulously.

“I dunno, I never picked you as a kebab girl.” He said, coming to a halt in front of the brightly coloured menus and food encased behind glass. “I’ll have a chicken kebab thanks.” He asked the man behind the counter, who nodded but was still eyeing them with vague recognition.

“Uh, yes, me too.” Sydney smiled, and pinched Lando in the side when she heard him snicker. “What, it must be good if that's what you're getting.” Lando just smiled in response.

“You two’re in formula one, aren't you?” The man said, assembling their food on the bench.

“Yep.” Lando replied, the two of them not really knowing how to act now.

“Would you sign something for my daughter? She started watching ever since you started driving, won’t shut up about it now.” Sydney looked up and expected him to be speaking to Lando, but found him looking straight at her.

“Of course, euh,” She picked up a napkin and took a pen from the ‘customer feedback’ jar, signing her name. She waited until he was done with their food to give it to him, and he gave her a big toothy grin in return.

“Thanks, it means a lot.”

“You're welcome, oh and thank you as well.” Sydney replied, lifting her kebab in acknowledgment. He just nodded, still smiling, and they left the store. She noticed that Lando still hadn't said anything, so she looked up at him, only to see him stuffing his face full of kebab.

“Woh?” He said through chewed kebab, and she gently pushed his shoulder.

“Nothing, is it good?” She said, taking a bite out of the corner of hers after he nodded.

“Bhe besht.” He mumbled.

“That is disgusting.” Sydney laughed. They were very slowly walking back to the car, feet moving sluggishly on the pavement. “Why did you not pick me as a kebab girl? This is delicious.” Lando seemed bashful, which only made her want to know more.

“I dunno, I would've thought you were a bit more...upmarket than kebabs.”

“Why do you say that huh?” Sydney giggled, trying to look annoyed.

“I dunno, you just uh, seem like the, you know, type.” Lando said awkwardly.

“Lando, I am missing what you are trying to say here. I will not be offensive, if that is what you are scared of.” Sydney smiled.

“Offended, you won't be offended.” Lando chuckled.

“Stop avoiding the question.” Sydney prodded.

“I dunno, you're just, really quiet around the other drivers, and, I mean I don't think this, of course, but you kind of have a, uh, reputation, of being, you know?”

“A snob?” She asked, not smiling anymore. “People still think that? From one interview, are you fucking joking me?” She knew she'd said something weird because of the way it sounded, but she didn't really mind.

“Well, some people, but like George and Carlos and them don't think that. Daniel doesn’t.” Lando said. Sydney didn't feel too angry at him specifically, because how could she when he was standing there, hoodie bunched around his wrists, hair curly and soft, walking her back to his nice car to drive her back to her hotel after taking her to a movie.

“It just makes me fucking pissed off. I do one thing and instead of it becoming a little joke that gets brought up from time to time, I am now a snob. Fuck me.” They had reached the car park, but Sydney didn't want to go home yet.

“Maybe you’ll just have to keep spending time with me, and when your accent gets weaker you'll lose your French snob reputation and all will be well in the world.” Lando smiled, clearly trying to ease the tension.

“Mm, maybe I will.” Sydney said, letting out a yawn. They were both standing by the boot of Lando's car, neither one heading towards the doors.

“I should take you back.” Lando said, and she thought she heard a note of disappointment in his voice.

“Do you have to drive home tonight?” Sydney said, remembering that he didn't actually live in London.

“Ah, no. I’m staying at a friend's place.” He looked down at his shoes, scuffing one against the concrete.

“Ooh, a lady friend?” Sydney said, a joking tone in her voice, despite a small hole that seemed to open up in her stomach.

“Uh, no, not really.” Lando said, and by his tone of voice she couldn't tell what it was he was trying to hide, but before she could continue quizzing him she yawned once more and remembered that she had an interview the next day.

“Oh well, maybe I should be going home anyway, I have an interview tomorrow.” She said, scrunching up her nose.

“Busy bee.” Lando said, smiling as he got into the driver's seat.

“Shut up.” She laughed.

“I really like that photo of you, by the way.” Lando said, choosing to focus on the road to avoid eye contact.

“Really, why?” She didn't mean to be so frank, but her sleepiness was hitting her now and she was losing her filter.

“I dunno. You look very relaxed. You don't seem relaxed very often.” He said quietly.

“I’m always relaxed with you.” Sydney murmured without thinking, the hum of his car below her filling up the space after her words.

“Mm, me too.” Lando looked over at her and smiled softly. She felt that hole in her stomach fill up with something warm and gooey, and it made her feel a bit sick in a nice way. She definitely didn't feel this way around Pierre, or Charles, or Daisy, or her parents. She'd never felt this way in her whole life. Then again, she'd never had that many friends. Maybe this was just how people felt about their best, best friends.

[matan4il]

I just realized that the mirrored scenes of the camp talk and content ultra dad mode vs the distracted Chris secret conversation both happen with someone from Bucks past coming back. The first being Abby the ladder Connor with a weird request.

It's probably nothing and not meant to mean anything but I find it comical that even when unintended Buddie has a pattern

Also sort of wild that when a perceived love came back, Buck was at peak happiness if you will. That time frame was my favorite for Buddie. He just addressed her with hurt and confused regard IMHO. Even if he was unaware of it at the time he was happy to walk back to his new family.

This time years later, therapy under his belt, and having successfully left a relationship. He is more unhappy then ever and it's because also just IMHO the Buddie relationship never fully righted to their pre Anna model but also didn't continue to the natural dating it would have had Anna not come along. Although without Anna we may never had got an Eddie gay panic attack storyline.

Hi Nonnie! Thank you for this lovely ask! ^u^

I think the interesting thing about unintentional parallels in writing is that they arise from something in the subconscious mind of writers being at work. Meaning that if you have a certain notion about a character/relationship, even if you don't think up a specific parallel intentionally, in order to express the notion, you'll find yourself revisiting similar themes, even similar words and phrases. And that's gonna give rise to parallels that might not be intended, but are still meaningful, precisely because they reveal something about the character/relationship. That's why we all go so mad over parallels, don't we? 'Coz we intuitively feel the repetition points to significance.

Which is to say, yes! There is meaning here as well. Both characters from Buck's past come back to shake him up and make him question where he is in life, what he has and what he wants. In one case, the conversation about Christopher's camp in 318 plays out to demonstrate what Buck has in his life even before he gets to the point of questioning it, but we as viewers can correctly read it 'coz we've seen Abby on the train and we know she's about to run into him. In contrast, in 604 he runs into Connor before Eddie notices his silence in regards to Chris, so Buck being uncharacteristically absent as Christopher's co-parent points to him already questioning some major things about his life.

I personally think that Buddie did go back to how things were before Ana, maybe even closer (see my 601 meta on why I think the kitchen scene there shows that), but I do think the closer they get, the harder it is not to be together. It's like I said in this ask reply, an 'almost' can ache so much more than 'nothing'. The closer they get without acknowledging that their feelings aren't strictly platonic, the harder it's going to get for them. Which I think is a very similar notion to what you were saying? They're caught in the "in between" and there's no harder place to be in, you become more aware of what you miss the closer you are to your destination, being able to sense its proximity, but not being close enough yet to see or touch it. Which is exactly what makes Buck aware enough that he said in 403 already that he's fine, he just wants to be finer. He was on his way, both our boys are on their way, they just took a small detour in the shape of Ana and Taylor (*insert infamous reference to Buddie's talk about construction on Sunset in 408 here*), and sometimes detours are needed when the journey is a complex, challenging one...

I hope you have a great day, lovely! And here is my ask tag! xoxox

[fairycosmos]

hi love, hope you're doing well, I know a lot of people say this BC it's true but your posts and advice and wisdom etc etc is just sooo lovely to read honestly. so I saw you used to be a TA but quit cos it was like too much for your mh and stuff I'm in the exact same position rn and I just wondered if u have any like info/advice anything really like... obv dw about me taking whatever u say as too final but like, is it a silly job role to have when ur someone who really finds life so draining so easily and struggles w mental health often? like even tho working w kids is lush in general. cos Im on a break rn w an agency and then planning on going part time at some point but even then that seems scary af.

hiii sorry for the late response to this - i hope you still see it. i wanted to say i totally understand being overwhelmed in this way. working with kids can be wonderful but it is also absolutely draining and when you're already emotionally drained just in general- it gets to be a lot. i was at a breaking point with it, too. just the constant pressure of it. needing to take a step back is absolutely fine. last time i worked childcare, i was (i guess i still am lol) incredibly depressed, and with the insane hours i was working (it was a nursery that stayed open late LOL) and the high-stress esp for low pay (apprenticeship wages 🙄) it just wasn't sustainable. something had to give at that moment for me to feel like staying alive was even possible, and it's alright to admit that. i think when i quit, i even told my boss something along the lines of "im not giving the children the presence of mind they deserve because im in a really bad place right now', and it kind of helped me to frame it that way. that by doing what was right for me, i would also be doing what was right for the kids, even if it was painful and bittersweet and made me feel like a failure.

i guess i also want to say that just because you're feeling this way right now, like you need to pull the brakes on your job a little bit, doesn't mean you always will. and two (or more) things can absolutely be true at once - you can be great at what you do, have a genuine love for it, want to return to it in the future, and still be completely fucking exhausted by it all. i think doing what you can to reach out in terms of your mh and making that a priority would definitely serve you well in the long run. i took a break from it and now, when im starting to consider seeking part-time TA work again, i can see advantages of the job now that im looking from afar + after a break to recalibrate my mind and my approach. part-time hours might be a great compromise for you that works out - its a lot less overwhelming and a lot more manageable - but if that still ends up feeling like too much for you, that's okay. it's pretty clear that you're burnt out and in need of some deep emotional rest and catharsis, someone to talk through your feelings with so you can examine where they come from and how to cope with them healthily in the future, which is totally understandable - most people need that or a version of it at one point or another. i know the nhs is on its last legs esp in terms of mental health care, but i would encourage you to ask your doctor for a referral + seek out support groups in your area or any cost-effective private therapy practices if that's an option for you (a lot of them are willing to work with clients to agree on a manageable price.) anyway sorry for rambling, i think i just wanted you to know that you have numerous ways forward here and that your current stress level is completely justified + relatable to me as a TA with MH struggles. i think it's about finding a balance, whatever that looks like for you. im rooting for you and if you want to talk about this a bit more, i will be here. also, thank you so much for the kind words 💌💌 they really made my morning feel a bit less shit. i know im just a stranger and nobody has to take my words seriously or listen to them ever and it means a lot that they sometimes do. sending a big hug your way. it's ok to put yourself first for as long as you need and are able to! X

[siberat]

not the orginal anon but i loved your wg rodi/mus story! can you perhaps write a follow up when he goes to meet this mystery admirer? (if possible i would love for the angst about his wg continue :)) hope u doing well! and thanks in advance

Part One

Rodi/mus pranced his way through the corridors of the Lost Li/ght, rounding turn after turn until he stood in front of his habsuit door. His spark fluttered with excitement, for he was finally going to meet his secret admirer. Prim/us, he waited long enough, and everyone knew he hated surprises.

No.

He liked surprises, just hated waiting for them. The dear captain was a bit impatient after all.

He enjoyed immediate results (well, if he didn’t need to provide these required results, that is). The red and yellow mech was one of action! 

Wasting no time, he beelined it to his wash rack, turned the solvent, and stepped under the stream. Nice hot fluids cascaded over his frame. Rodi/mus found this one of the most relaxing times of the day: standing mindlessly under the shower. Why? He liked to imagine all the dirt getting rinsed off his beautiful frame. Also, he felt like it rinsed all his worries away. Down the drain you go!

Upon rubbing the washcloth over his body this time, his woes didn’t slough off him like in prior experiences. Instead, they clung like bugs splattered across one’s windshield when speeding down a road. This was caused by several reasons.

The major one is his weight gain. While he loved the scrumptious snacks gifted to him (clearly, by his expanding midsection), he missed his sleek frame. Looking down, his paunch expanded out a bit, hanging over his hips. Running his servo across his waist revealed a soft and squishy feeling that resembled a water balloon, not the firm tautness it once sported.

However, that special note claimed to not care about his now squishier belly, right?

The next worry was, who was the mystery mech? Sure, he had a major guess, but what if he was wrong? What if this mech was someone who would not be a desirable date? Rodi/mus could think of a couple that would fit that bill. While Swe/rve was a fun guy, he wouldn’t really be dating material: his mouth formed weird trapezoid shapes when he spoke at times. Weird.

Another lousy date would be Whi/rl. I mean… come on, the captain didn’t like to be mean, but that mech didn’t even have a real face. And he was just too obnoxious! Like, all the time, too.

The third wrong choice of a date sprung to the Auto/bot’s mind and made him drop the soap he was dousing the cloth in; Prim/us, what if it was Mega/tron? Fighting back his gag reflex, Rod/imus whimpered. Slag, how bad would that be? Imagine the reason the former Dece/pticon was on this ship was a lie, and it was all just some crazy, hyper-fanboy excuse to try to berth him?

“Bleeegh!”  the flame-colored mech shook his helm, hoping to shake that thought from his processor. If Mega/tron, the stupid self-proclaimed co-captain of this ship, awaited him, he would break down and cry!

The spray of solvent cut off, and his meticulous drying routine followed. Once the captain was satisfied with the shininess of his frame- and he checked every angle- he set off to the observational deck.

This was where he would come face to face with the gift giver. However, the closer Rodi/mus traveled to the destination point, the slower he walked. Gone was the excitement of meeting who was crushing on him; the feeling of dread awoke in its place. He no longer skipped, but rather dragged his pedes.

It wasn’t too late to turn back… He could pretend he didn’t receive the note. Ignorance can be bliss…. Right?

He stood face to wall with the door to the meeting place, yet didn’t know if he dared to go in. How badly did he need to know who this mech was? Was this really such a big deal? 

Let’s take a second to think about this…

The second is up. Everyone knows Rodi/mus doesn’t like surprises, and he cannot just walk away from this situation. So, we know he palms the door open and walked inside. With a reign of superior confidence too. As the saying goes: fake it until you make it.

And what is he greeted by?

Huge windows that showcase the vastness of space. Flecks of light litter the sky, and there even appears to be a distant solar system in the background. Just before the windows is a table draped with a white tablecloth. On this table sat two sets of dinnerware. Upon closer inspection, the plates were fine china, not the cheap crap used in the canteen.

Decorative silverware is set to the sides. To the left of the plate were two forks, one bigger than the other. The other side of the dish also had two knives of different sizes. Can you guess what was next to them? Two spoons. One is much rounder than the other.

“What the frag?” Rod/imus muttered. How many utensils did one need? He could make do with one fork and knife-slag- even just one spoon can be used to shovel food inside his mouth!

But when it came to table settings, it’s not over. A cloth napkin folded in some intricate shape rests upon the dinner place. It held a name card with his name on it too. Cursive font, to be exact.

“You gotta be kidding me!” Above that plate was yet another fork and spoon! This was getting out of hand, borderline silly! And to make matters worse, to the left of that was a little plate with a weird-looking knife resting perfectly straight across it. And we cannot forget the three glasses of various shapes and sizes, plus the cup and saucer to the right.

Did this person have some kind of weird dinnerware fetish?

Rodi/mus was about to call it quits, but a whiff of something delightful caught his attention. His belly grumbled loudly. Great- his stomach noticed the enticing aroma as well. Just behind the table were several covered dishes. Now, our dear captain may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but he was smart enough to deduce there was food within those dishes.

‘BWwwwwoooooooruuuummmmmmbbbllllllleeeeee!’

Prim/us, how long has it been since he last ate? According to his demanding stomach, too long!

But that’s not the point here: Just where was his secret admirer? No mech was present. And this caused a lump to form in his throat: maybe he was stood up.

Or worse.

What if this was just some sort of cruel joke? What if, instead of adoration, those treats and notes were sent in jealousy? Someone sent him all those treats with the intention of making him gain weight and make him ugly? And when discovering his unhappiness, another card, full of lies, was sent his way as a final insult…to get his hopes and spirits up just to smash them down?

Slaggit, it sounds more like a dirty ‘Con trick, after all. 

His cheeks grew warm with shame at just thinking he had been played. Seriously, who would find this new body of his attractive? Suddenly, the desire to return to his habsuit grew. Even if it meant leaving the delightful food behind, Rodi/mus didn’t like to be the butt of a joke. He spun around to head for the door when a relatively large body loomed in front of his path.

......

part 2 will be up in a day or so. I broke it up because I don't want these to be particularly long reads

read on AAOx3 Collection of Chubby Drabbles - Chapter 10 - siberat - Transformers - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]

[heroin-antiheroine]

more stuff about tapering :) 

lol i go on about tapering A LOT lately bc it’s always on my mind but it’s been treating me so well & i urge any heroin addict to give it a try But there are some requirements in order to do it. u don’t have to be organised or motivated in general.....bc i’m dyspraxic & adhd diagnosed & i’m hella Not either of those things. but u do have to have some motivation & the best motivation is HATE or SPITE!!!! u cannot be in love with heroin if u want to taper off it. u can’t even remotely like it. u will fail if u still romanticise ur addiction in any way & honestly, i’m not gonna get mad at u for doin that bc it’s rly easy to do. we think these substances are helping us & improving our lives. we think of them as comfort objects or things to take away the pain of the world, which we addicts often carry on our shoulders. we might’ve even said we loved them at one point, but as u know, that doesn’t last forever. heroin does make u feel good, ofc it does, otherwise we wouldn’t do it. & it’s not gonna stop doing that either, it still makes me feel good, but that tiny amount of fake happiness i get with the rush just isn’t enough. i’m high all the time.....i’ve been high constantly for 2 years, everyday. u just forget ur high, i think of myself as sober most of the time bc i’m well but i don’t Feel high (but then i do dumbass shit that i regret in the morning that proves i actually was - but i don’t Feel it in the moment!!! what bullshit is that??). 

hate & spite are seen as bad things but they can be motivators for good. when the pain of change is lesser than the pain of staying where u are, then change happens (i’m gonna quote that forever). u need to give urself back AGENCY before u taper as well!! for a whole year i went on about “mind control” (bc of my insane cravings & thoughts when i was clean for those 9 days in april 2018) but it does take a while to realise that ur in control!! & i mean...that is hard to admit. i control my use, not heroin......heroin is just a substance, it doesn’t have any thoughts or feelings. it doesn’t love me, it doesn’t hate me, it sure as hell doesn’t control me. yea it gives me shitty withdrawal symptoms & cravings & makes me miserable.....but that’s not actually IT, that’s my brain doing that, my brain that’s adapted to heroin after these 2 years. gaining control of something i felt out of control of is completely wild! but it’s something u can’t lie to urself about, cos then u won’t succeed.

u have to do it slow. my dose last year was 250mg a day (2g in 8 days - not rly sure of each shot cos i didnt have scales). when i started it was 75mg x 3 (225mg a day). i’ve gone down soooooooooo slowly. 1-3mg a day. yeah it’s gonna be slow. but u have to do that in order to avoid cravings & withdrawal & so ur body will adapt. on the 8th of april i made a post on instagram saying i had finally broken 40mg x 3. today, the 10th of may, i’m on 24mg x 3. i haven’t had a single symptom of withdrawal (other than when i wake up) bc i’m doing it sooooo slowly. & i’m saving tons of money. low & slow is all u need to remember when tapering :) 

(but also if u are on a Really high dose, u can come down faster. like if u were doing a gram a day, u could definitely easily jump down 5-10mg a day & it wouldnt affect u much at all. uhhhh disclaimer: i DO NOT advocate tapering for benzos or alcohol. get urself to a doctor if u wanna come off of em)

[coalitiongirl]

Fic Recs (under 300 edition)

So I wanted to get back to reading Swan Queen fic regularly, and I asked people to rec longfic that they'd read (not written) and loved that had fewer than 300 kudos! I haven’t read most of these, but I’ve collected them here so y’all can go through the list and discover some new fics with me! Please try to kudos and review every fic that you read! It means the world to the writers and will keep em writing, and then we all win. 😁

Atonement by SgtMac (M): With Regina's magical heart failing thanks to years of previous evil, Emma and Regina and Henry (and Granny!) set out to save her life by traveling to the Enchanted Forest and requesting help from ancient magical beings known as the Guardians. Given a mission as simple as it is impossible - to achieve atonement by creating peace - the ladies find themselves joining a rebellion and fighting for the very soul of the Enchanted Forest all while trying to help Regina to understand that the self-loathing and guilt which have driven most of her actions don't have to doom her chance for a new beginning or even, a chance to live and love again. A S4(ish) SQ love story set against the turmoil of war and the chaotic savagery of the old world.

Blood and Sand by cheshire6845 (E): A/U The Savior is a slave forced into the role of fighting as a gladiator for the House of Hearts. The odds are against her survival as she will have to win in the arena, navigate Cora's schemes, outlast a general's vengeance, and not be killed out of spite by the current House of Hearts Champion - Regina the Undefeated. This story follows the major plot points of Starz Spartacus with some twists along the way.

But what if there was no time by KizuRai (M): When she wakes up, it's dark. She can't move, she can't see, she can't feel and she can't hear. Where am I? She feels a forceful oppression, pressing her down, draining her of her energy and she's powerless to stop it. How did I get here? The question of here is relative, she's not even sure where here is. What happened? There must be some reason for being stuck here but her memory is fuzzy, like all her thoughts are being sifted through a filter. Who am I? She's not sure if she actually exists or she suddenly became sentient in the darkness.She hears a voice reverberating in the distance, it's distorted and quiet but she hears it all the same. It breaks the monotony of the silence. Someone's coming for her, they will get her out. She's just not sure she wants them to as the price might be too great.

Finding Home by evl_rgl (T): “I wanted to remember you so badly that I pulled back your cursed town just so that the memories would make sense. I needed you so badly that even when I had no memory of you, I still tried to find you.” Regina gave Emma and Henry memories of a happy life together before they fled Pan’s curse, leaving them with no memories of their lives in Storybrooke. However, when the memory spell shows signs of failing, threatening to rip apart the minds of both Emma and Henry, Regina makes a drastic choice to go back and fix it, understanding that it will mean living alone in a world where her son doesn’t know her. Was the spell really faulty, though? (swanqueen)

Five Flames by MariaComet (U): In the past, Emma Nolan disconnected from her peers in high school, preferring to keep to herself. In her sophomore year of high school, she decided to try and join the boy’s wrestling team because she was bored. She didn’t expect herself to become the champion of the most bullied kid in school or the secret best friend of the school queen. She also didn’t expect to join a club that would change her life. In the present, Emma is trying to cope with a humiliating loss in her martial arts career. She claims to be “training” but is stuck in limbo between wanting to retire and try again. She is isolated from her former best friend, Regina Mills, a local celebrity chef and the rest of her old friends. When one of them calls her with an idea to honor their deceased teacher, she is confronted with unresolved feelings and questions about how powerful love truly is.

A Glamour of Truth by PrincessCharming (T): After 2x10, Regina uses magic to show Emma the obvious truth. A tentative trust forms between them amid hilarious bickering. With Emma's help, Regina struggles to regain a place in her son's life... until Cora arrives, wanting her daughter back. Pieces of Regina's past emerge showing that the board was set long before the game started. The final battle begins soon.

His Dark Materials 'verse by MoonlitMidnight (M): A modern Alternate Universe in which Dæmons (the external physical manifestation of a person's 'inner self' that takes the form of an animal) are present. In which Emma and Regina have led slightly different lives and they make slightly different choices.

How Many Miles to Avalon? (WIP) by RavenOutlander (E): Regina would do anything to save Emma from the darkness and bring her back home safe and sound. Even put up with the two idiots, Captain Guyliner and a bunch of dwarves she decidedly wanted to drop off at the nearest exit. But in their search for Emma, they find that she might not need that much saving after all. Caught up in a search for the infamous Philosopher Stone, an all out war between DunBroch and Camelot, and ghosts from the past to haunt her every waking moment, Regina finds herself scrambling to keep her and her family's happy endings from falling apart.

The Hyperion by FrankenSpine (M): After wishing upon what she believes is a shooting star, Emma Swan finds herself aboard the Hyperion, the royal starship of an alien Queen from a faraway galaxy. She quickly learns of the tensions between the Queen's people and her own, but the Queen takes an interest in her and agrees to take her away from Earth forever. Adventure awaits. *(Loosely based on Guardians of the Galaxy with just a hint of Farscape)*

If Wishes Came True (It Would've Been You) by Angeii_K (M): After Regina films a guest appearance on her friend Neal’s popular show, he invites her to spend the weekend with him and his girlfriend. What she never expected was to actually like the woman. Sparks fly between the two, which results in them questioning everything and making choices they will later regret. 4 years later, they meet again in the most unexpected of ways. Now co-stars on the same show, they are forced to work through the emotions from their last encounter. What will happen next? Only time will tell.

The King Doesn’t Have To Know (WIP) by highheelsandchocolate (M): The White Knight had never seen anyone like her before: the Queen was nothing short of mesmerizing. Her possessive yet neglectful husband, however, was another thing entirely.

The Lich by Dangereaux (M): Gay disaster Emma, exasperated Regina, and a monster. A Halloween special.

Maybe if We Close Our Eyes we Can Reach the Stars by wellthizizdeprezzing (T): Emma is a lonely astronaut. Regina is an adventuring alien. Their paths cross leading them onto a journey of new discovery. Between galaxies and many miles of cold black space, despite not speaking the same language, they manage to fall for each other. An out of this world love story.

A prisoner long forgotten by sugarsweet_19 (M): ‘I wish I had a child as white as snow, as red as blood and as black as the wood of the window-frame. Soon after she had a little girl, who was as white as snow, with lips as red as blood and with her hair as black as the ebony of the window-frame. She was therefore called Snow-white.” This is how our story starts but how will it end?The evil queen as been locked up in a tower and forgotten that is until princess Emma looks for a place to hid from her parents after they tell her she has to marry Neal the son of the dark one.

Revenge of the Three Little Pigs by mskyo (M): Regina and Emma find themselves alone and looking for the rest of their party. The Evil Queen must face the consequences of her past actions. Will Emma come to her aid, or understand that justice must be served... *Some chapters have fairly graphic sex, and violence*

Things I Almost Remember by cheshire6845 (T): A/U Despite an oncoming war between the Dark and the Light, Emma and Regina are best friends growing up in the Enchanted Forest. When war does come, they find themselves on opposite sides. Regina will have to defy her mother to save Emma. Will Emma be able to save Regina when Cora curses her daughter to live in the Land without Magic?

What We Make (WIP) by DiazTuna (M): “My mother.” He says calmly. He’d known all along, she’s aware. But he’d known that today would be the day that would get this going. She wants to ask what it was like, to have woken up this morning, laced up his boots and walked into hell just knowing. “It’s programmed the cyborg to kill her. Before I have a chance to be born.” -In which the leader of the future sends his best soldier back to the past to save his mother from a killer cyborg. Terminator AU.

The Wrong Way by pcworth (M): Takes place right after Zelena steals Regina's heart. Zelena offers Regina a chance to go back in time with her and change both of their lives for the better. But what will be the price of that decision. Slow-burn to SwanQueen

zombie trash by 13pens (T): Zelena could have her brain and eat it, too. Fic operates on three premises 1. this takes place in any universe where zelena is a reformed asshole 2. zombies are a thing and exist iZombie style 3. i have NO chill

[taeyamayang]

hi!! for the soulmate series can i request atsumu or kuroo n the soulmate thing being either the red string or the last words ur soulmate says being on ur wrist/ribs (aka angst tee hee) u can decide!!! <3

hq boys and soulmates

suna, kuroo, kenma

PAIRING: kuroo tetsuro x reader

GENRE: fluff to ANGST

WARNING: death | mentions of blood | minor cursing

a/n: thank you anon for requesting! agh, honestly i had a hard time choosing between kuroo or atsumu because both characters fit the genre and plot i have in mind (kudos to you anon for the great character choice). i haven't been writing angst lately so i think this is a breather for me as a writer. also, you've provided me with two options for soulmate indicators (red string of fate and last words) i incorporated both indicators cos i think both ideas are great and go well together so i hope you like this~

your fingers fiddle around the sapphire stone that latches your red bracelet as you fixed your eyes at the begging screen of your computer. the screen of your laptop has been flashing the same website for the last twenty minutes or so and you are well aware that you are wasting energy by letting the machine stay awake without touching it. your legs are folded to your chest as your arms hugged around it. subsequently, your chin is resting on top of your knees. the door cracks open, rather violently, to a familiar raven haired boy.

"hey, im here." you jolt in surprise although the tone of his voice is low and calm. your foot pushes against the base of the wooden table where your laptop is to move your swivel chair to the direction of the friendly intruder. your eyes landed to him and right before you could say your greeting a light caramel headed boy peaks his head at the side of the door frame.

"yaku?" you say. your eyebrow tilting in surprise.

"hi." he flashes you a teeth showing smile. his eyes almost disappearing as he does so. "i heard about the admission test so brought something extra for you." hearing the word 'admission test' from someone makes your heart drop to the floor. you have been friends with yakuㅡwith the whole nekoma team, to be precise, but hearing it from someone other than kuroo feels odd. your bond with the latter is on another level of comfort. usually, he's the first person you approach when serious topics are needed to be discussed. yaku pulls out what seems like a bottle of champagne behind his back. "please, empty this bottle whatever happens." he shoots you a gentle smile that it almost feels like a reassuring hug that everything will be alright.

"sure, as you say so." you reply with a smile on your face. with his tender words you were able to pick your heart back up from the ground and fix it right inside your chest again. it feels good to have people cheering you on without the pressure of expectations. you feel accepted despite your shortcomings.

"i have somewhere to go so ill leave you both, bye!" yaku pushes the bottle to kuroo's chest and by instinct he grips around it with caution using his forearm. you mirror yaku as he waves you goodbye. you shift your eyes to kuroo who's standing awkwardly near the entrance of your apartment. you noticed a pizza box in one hand and a plastic bag on his other hand.

"pizza and ice cream?" your eyes widen at the food he brought. he knew about the events today and he even offered staying with you throughout the process without you uttering a request to him but you didn't expect him to bring food as well.

"im glad you finally noticed my existence." he says making his way to the kitchen. he continues, "good thing i brought my favorite ice cream flavor instead of what you want. i feel so unappreciated." you find it cute how he blabbers about not getting half of your attention when yaku appeard by the door.

"no way, you brought mint choco?!" your feet touches the ground as it pushes your wheeled chair near the kitchen to see kuroo in full sight.

"yes way." he nods as he removes the tab from the plastic bag.

"no! who eats mint choco anyways?!" you put your face in your hands as you imagine the taste of toothpaste in your mouth.

"i was kidding! and mint choco does not taste like toothpaste! god, you hurt my feelings twice in a row." he flips the cover of the ice cream to your direction so you could read the lid. "it's two-in-one tub. one is mint choco the other is cookies and cream. it's both of our favorites in one so i thought it's best to buy this."

a smile creeps to your face. the room is filled with silence as you keep your eyes at the boy navigating in your kitchen. he opens the fridge with one hand while his other puts the ice cream inside the freezer. you've been friends with him the longest. you stopped counting years once you reached a full decade, arguing that it's pointless to count your history with him when you know you'd spend the rest of your future with him. he grabs a glass from the cupboard. you bite your bottom lips when a smile grows. he peers at you sees your face. he questions it.

"what?" he furrows his eyebrows at you.

"i made you cucumber and lemon water. it's in the bottom layer of the fridge." his body immediately jolts up and his eyes glimmered in joy. he loves drinking 'flavored water' when he's eating greasy food like pizza, though, you had no idea about him bringing food. so, everything was a coincidence which makes the whole thing more surprising. "you have a weird taste." you murmur to yourself as you pull yourself back to your desk, smiling to yourself as your mind replays his reaction in your head.

"i heard you." he says shortly after joining you. he places the glass with cucumber water on your table before bringing an extra chair from the kitchen.

"i made it sure you heard me." you bicker, watching him grab onto his drink and sit in the chair.

"ill give you a pass today." he says through the rim of the glass. he rolls his eyes at you before he turns his face to the other side, throwing his head back as he drinks.

you have always been his loudest cheer on the court whenever he has a match. you were always ready to risk your vocal chords for him as you continuously cheer him on. in truth, the crowd knows you as the number one fan of the raven boy and you never bothered being labeled as the passionate lover of the captain of nekoma. although, the word lover in those two words were only platonic. both of you often catch a dating rumour but you two would always clear it off by saying that you're only 'bestfriends'. and it's true. it has always been true; or it's how you wanted to believe in.

however, today kuroo is making his loudest cheer. the roles are reversed as he plays the role of the passionate lover of the pending medicine student. his way of cheering you on isn't through his voice but rather through proximity. he makes sure to be with you during an important event in your life. he wanted to witness it with his own eyes and that's his way of saying he's got your back.

"when does it come out?" he says after gulping his drink in one go. the bottom lid of the glass cries in a loud tud as it meets with the wooden table. you peer at the digital clock on your desk.

3:58pm

"around 4pm so anytime now." you shudder at the thought. your pending doom is at bay. in any minute now it's either you're screaming in triumph or crying in despair. you inhale and your airways tightens. you heart beats fast although you are sedentary to your seat. beads of sweat start to form on your forehead and your palms went cold.

"kuroo, i can't do it." your voice came out in a whimper. you turn your body to him and instantly burry your face on his shoulder. his fingers interlocks with you hair before gently patting the back of your head.

"shh, it'll be alright. whatever the result is im proud of you. you worked hard and did your best. that alone is remarkable and is something to be proud of." he hushes you and you face digs deeper. you can feel the tears starting to pool on your bottom eyelids. you don't want to cry because once you start crying it takes forever for you to stop. as if the universe wanted to see more of your distress, your laptop dings when notification went off. your hand instantly finds it way up to his biceps. you squeeze it hard as your heartbeat starts to deafen your senses.

"hey, breathe." he notices anxiety and fear starting to engulf your thinking.

"i-i can't do it." you plea to him. you never liked this side of yourself since you always appear strong and competent in the eyes of everyone but with kuroo you never felt the need to protect your vulnerability. with him, it never feels wrong to be you.

"do you want me to check it?" he nears his mouth to your ears. his voice soothing the tension that surrounds you. your back curves down and your fingers dig further into his skin. you nod. you feel his body lean forward as he reaches for your laptop. you hear a few clicks here and there before the room falls silent once again. the air chokes you as you realize he's probably looking at the results now. he pushes you by the shoulders, your back still crunched down and your chin glued to your chest. you frown at the sudden motion.

"look at me." his finger tilts your head up to face him. your eyes lock with his but the tears resting on your lids blurry your vision. suddenly, he smiles so wide like a mad man. "we are eating that fucking pizza." your eyebrow twitches up at his vague statement and your mouth ajar as he pushes himself off to stand. "you fucking passed, you smart idiot! you got into medicine school! what the actual fuck?!" he screams on top of his lungs. his hands are on his head, bewildered by the situation. he looks at your frozen state. he turns your swivel chair around to your laptop and he crunches down to level your gaze. "read it."

your eyes scan at the huge 'congratulations' written in green and immediately jumps from your seat in euphoria. you didn't even bothered finishing the sentence as you rush to kuroo's embrace and began jumping together. the both of you looking like fools as you both scream and jump in unison.

kuroo witnessed every bit of your sleepless nights and bottomless coffee drinks as you review for medical school. from the beginning, becoming a doctor has always been your goal and being a great volleyball player was his'. both of you made a promise to support each other in your journey to reach your goals. that being said, when you were reviewing for medical school admission test he was your cadaverㅡa living breathing cadaver. to be fair, he makes a great cadaver since he has a lean body so it's easier for you to name parts in an actual person. you would make him stand still in your apartment, topless, as you point on different sections and parts of a human body.

"cervical, thoracic, lumbar, and sacral." you say as you trail your finger from his neck down his tailbone. "four sections of the spine." you mutter to yourself.

"you're just finding an excuse to touch me." he says turning his head to face you. you slightly leap to your toes as you aim for the back of his head. your hand pushes his head down.

"fuck off, kuroo." you scowl at him. he laughs at your disgusted face. his torso turns to you and your eyes immediately land on the side of his ribs, reading the words engraved on his skin.

"stay with me." the words fall out of your mouth as you read it. everyone in this world is born with words or phrases permanently written at the right side of their ribs. those words are said to be the last words of your soulmate. paired with that is a red bracelet that hangs on your wrist. it's known as the red string of fate. it's a simple red leather cord bracelet embellished with a birth stone latch. every child upon birth is taken to the highest scared mountain in japan that is said to be the nearest connection to heaven. parents bring their child's umbilical cord for it to be preserved inside a birthstone then tied around a red bracelet. it is believed that a soulmate's soul are bounded together until conception. so, the umbilical cord symbolizes the moment the two souls separate. however, when your other half dies your bracelet, otherwise known as the red string of fate, breaks apart along with the birthstone that connects it. your eyes peer at kuroo and a soft smile plays on your lips.

"sounds like you're a heartbreaker." you tease him.

"i refuse to believe that. im a good boy, i don't go around breaking hearts." you snort as he swats your hand off him. he squints his eyes at you. "what does your says?" you tilt your head in confidence. you pull your shirt up just enough for him to see the words.

"i love you." he whispers to himself as he reads it. he immediately recoils. "your soulmate is a sucker! they're a walking hopeless romantic cliché!" you ball your fist and jokingly punches his side.

"aw, what was that?!" he rubs on the spot where your jab landed.

"right lumbar region of your abdominal quadrant! it's where the ascending colon, small intestine, and right kidney are found!" your voice increases as you shoot him an angry look.

"you look stupid." he laughs at your creased face.

the overjoyed jumping and screaming have finally died down so you push kuroo at an arm length, tilting your head up to see his face.

"i made a deal with myself if i passed the test." you say still hugging him. your intertwined hands fall right the at curve of his lower back. you smile at him as you continue, "im treating you out."

"really?" his smile grows wider. "treating me to what?"

"the chill top at the hotel you've been eyeing since day one."

"that's expensive!" he lets go of the hug as he looks down at you intently.

"for my expensive boy." you wink at him. you free yourself from him. you pull out your phone from the pocket of your sweatpants. "im making a reservation. meet me at 10pm?"

"sure." he says. you share glances for a few seconds as if he wanted to say something but it's taking him time to decide. so, you wait for him. after a few seconds the corners of his lips pulls up and his eyes coated with affection. he speaks again. "i made a deal with myself too."

"oh, great minds think alike?" you say making him air laugh.

"it's not as grand as yours, though. i told myself if you passed it it's a sign that i have to tell you it."

"what's 'it'?" you ask.

"meet me at 10pm?" he repeats your words. you are already dying in curiosity with what he is planning on telling you but you figured it's best to follow his plan.

"okay." you say through your smile.

time rolls out quicker than you intended. you spent the last two hours before 10pm with just trying to pick a nice outfit. you powdered your face and styled your hair differently today. you made sure to come to the chill top first just so you could calm your nerves down because for some reasons you feel anxious yet euphoric all at the same time. your eyes scan at time flashed on the screen of your phone.

9:45pm

he still has a couple of minutes before ten. your screen burns brighter when a text pops in. you click on the inbox icon to read.

"i made my final stop over." you frown at the word 'stop over'. you type in a reply.

"stop over?? aren't you coming from your place?" you hit send before placing your phone down on the table. randomly, the rain starts to pour. good thing, the roof of the chill top is transparent so you're covered from the rain and at the same time you could still see the sky. your phone beeps.

"geez, it's raining hard." kuroo sent a text.

"drive safely, please. don't worry about the reservation im already at our table."

"now i feel worse. sorry for making you wait."

"i dont care about the wait!! eyes on the road!!" you put the screen of your phone down. your phone vibrates again but you refuse to pick it up. if we keep texting back there's no way he's leaving his phone.

the dj has played tons of music from various artists and you even sang to a few of them as you wait for him. the rain hasn't stopped yet so you decided to watch it pour to kill time. maybe it's just the vibe of the weather but your mind goes through the idea of kuroo and you. the only reason you denied rumours and feelings for him is because you didn't want to put him in a spotlight. for a person like kuroo who finds it hard to warm up to a romantic relationship, it's almost impossible for him to think about the possibility of the two of you. contrary to him, your mind went through those thoughts countless times usually fueled by your other friends who questions your platonic relationship with him. you love his company and you most certainly value your relationship with him more than anyone in this world. honestly, you'd choose him in a heartbeat both romantically and platonically. undoubtly, he would do the same platonically but in terms of romance, everything is a blur for you. besides, you have no courage to bring it up since you didn't want to ruin the friendship.

your phone rings, continuously, signaling you an incoming call. you turn your phone over and kenma's name reads on the screen. you are confused at the sudden phonecall. kenma isn't the phonecall type of guy and you know that.

"hello?" you voice came out slow.

"____, hi." he's breathless. "is kuroo there? he said he'd meet you up by ten but it's twenty minutes before eleven." you pull your phone away from your ear and your screen flashes the time.

10:38pm. shit.

your finger glides through your screen then taps on the message icon. you read his last text that was sent around 9:53pm.

"im near the hotel, can't wait to see you!" your heart drops.

"kenma, around 9:53pm he sent me a text saying he's near the hotel. he wouldn't call a 30 minutes distance 'near', right? no, wait. maybe he's joking. you know we tease each other a lot." you managed to let out a deflated laugh to lighten up the mood.

"no, you don't understand." his tone is flat and unnerving. the music played by the dj starts to muffle as you shift your focus to kenma's voice. your fingers press harder on the back of your phone against your ear. "yaku gave him a lift today because the brakes of his car is a bit wonky. it does work well on dry pavement but not on slippery streets. he didn't expect it to rain tonight that's why he insisted on driving. i tried to stop him but instead he promised to send me a text when he gets there but until now, still no text." your eyes study the rain pouring on the roof of the chill top.

"he should've told me! i could've give him a ride." you heart hammers against your chest as you pull your eyes down to the table. he's so stupid for making that decision. he's so stupid for being careless. he's stupid for making you both worry.

"he didn't want to because he had plans before before meeting with you. he said it will spoil the fun." kenma says and you're loss for words. both of you have no idea where kuroo is and if he's okay. your phone vibrates again. you tear the device away from your ear to scan the caller i.d.

unknown number.

"kenma, someone's calling me ill call you back later." you quickly say and hears kenma bid you a soft goodbye. you finger instantly swipes over the answer button, hoping that it's kuroo who just ran out of phone battery.

"hello?" you utter.

"hello, ____? you are the recent contact of the E.R. patient who just got here." a middle aged woman says from the other line. your mind shuts off the moment she said 'patient'.

"patient?" your voice came out in a whimper, more like a plea for her to tell you otherwise.

"yes, i believe his name is kuroo tetsuro. a man around 20s, athlete, and he's driving a car going to mizuka hotel around 10pm before the accident happened. he's in the emergency room right now. he had severe bleeding when he came in but he's doing better."

"can you please tell me the address of the hospital.' you manage to say though your fingers start to shake and you're sitting at the edge of your seat. you seem lose control over your limbs as your other hand start to rummage inside your bag, searching for a pen and paper. you hand clutches on a ballpen and you immediately grab the tissue lying on the table. you squeeze the phone between your shoulder and you ear as you write down the address the woman was saying. you bid her goodbye and instantly dialed kenma's number. he answers after one ring.

"kenma." your voice quivers and soon enough tears start rolling down your cheeks. "he's in the hospital." you hear kenma curse under his breath.

"text me the address ill get there as soon as possible. if you need to keep the line active then don't worry about it. ill keep you company. please, drive safely." you shoot up from your seat before grabbing your bag. you hear keys tinkling from the other line.

"you too." your feet takes you out of the restaurant.

you see kenma by the nurse's station. you figured he arrived first since the hospital is nearer his place but he's considerate enough to wait for you since he knows your current unruly state. you approach the station with him. your hands fixed at the marble top. a nurse with a bright smile attends to you.

"patient kuroo tetsuro? car accident." you hurriedly say with your eyes wide waiting for the nurse to reply.

"farthest end." she slightly leans forward to you before raising her hand to point. "the patient with a bouquet resting between his legs." the nurse smiles in endearment as she shakes her head.

"a what?" maybe it's just your mind not processing everything clearly or did you hear the nurse say bouquet?

"come on." kenma grunts before pulling you by the wrist.

you reach the farthest cubicle of the emergency room. each cubicle is separated by a white curtain. your fingers coil around the white linen as you shut your eyes close before pulling it open. you don't move and you even let go of the curtain in your grip. you don't want to see kuroo in this state. you don't know if you could take seeing him pooled with blood and beaten up. you just can't. you never imagined for this day to come, not even in your nightmares.

"why are you shutting your eyes close?" a familiar voice calls for your attention making you abruptly peels your eyes. you vision lands on a towering man lying on a blood stained bed. you hands cover your mouth as you examine his physical state.

"what did the doctor say? are you okay?" you say through your cupped mouth as you inch your way next to him. the view upclose is even more upsetting. you can see bruises around his temples and at the crest of his cheeks. his bottom lip is cracked and swollen. a needle is pierced through back of his hand and it leads up to a bag of blood hanged next to his bed. he smiles at you.

"in a few minutes now they will run a test on me 'cause when i came here i was excessively bleeding without an open wound. they mentioned something about a possible trauma. im not sure. you understand those things better than me." he smirks at you before winking. he's being playful despite the pain he's feeling. he continues,

"for the record, kenma, i was a careful and slow driver. a car hit a trailer truck who raced to beat the red light. so, the container it was carrying fell on us. i knew you'd scold me but it isn't my fault, okay."

"still, you shouldn't have drived but i'll scold you later." kenma says rolling his eyes at him.

"because i have to drop by a shop. that being said, do me a favor and turn around and cover your ears i have something to tell ____ before i go." kuroo says and you cringe at the word 'go'. it could mean more than just leaving you two behind for tests. you can't help but despise his choice of word. surprisingly, kenma obliges. his small back faces the two of you as he covers his ears with his hands.

"save it later." you brush him off as your way of jinxing the bad omen you felt. the you don't like the way he speaks like it's uttering his last statements. you can't bear hearing him say those things. you'd like to keep an open mind by thinking of the future.

"no, i feel the need to say it now." kuroo's tone of voice shifts. you bite your jaw as you furrow your eyebrows at him. he crunches forward to reach for the flower bouquet between his legs. "for you." he places it next to you before flashing you a smile.

"you don't have to." you say and in an instant your cheeks are painted with tears as you sob between words. your other hand clutches on the stem of the roses while the other squeezes his hand.

"i love you." the three words came out of his mouth. your hand lets go of the bouquet to reach of his face. your fingers trail from the top of his head down to his jawline. your chest staggers between cries. your face nears his'. your lips find its way to his swollen ones. his eyes flutter close when you slowly inch your way to plant a kiss on his mouth. your lips gently touches with his', careful enough not to cause him pain. his lips are soft despite the cracks. it's your first time kissing him intimately. you draw back from the peck and lock eyes with him. his pupils are dilated and tears start to pool at the bottom of his eyelids. albeit, he keeps a smile.

"so, please." you swallow the lump in your throat and your finger grips tighter around hand. "stay with me."

the moment the realized the weight of the words spoken, you begin to panic. the soulmate indicator. the last words engraved on our ribs. he's your soulmate. your instantly pull your wandering thoughts when kuroo chokes on blood and begins spitting it out of his mouth. his muscles stiffens and begins to shake. he's having a seizure. you let go of his hand to examine his eyes.

"kuroo, stay with me. keep your eyes open. im right here." the seizures stops and your fingers press against his pulse while the back of your hand is under his nose. he's not breathing. you push yourself up to his bed. your knees at the side of his hips. your dominant hand intertwines between the crack of your other hand. you look at kenma who held a horrified face.

"kenma! tell the doctors the patient is on cardiac arrest!" you shout at him to pull him back to his sense. he turns his head to you, his mouth gaped open as he runs out of the cubicle. you begin to perform CPR.

"i love you too i haven't told you that yet" your joined hand press down to his chest.

"don't die on me, kuroo, please. you told me you are not the type to go around beaking hearts but you're breaking my heart right now!" you scream at him before putting your fingers back to his pulse but still no sign of a heartbeat. you go through another round of chest compressions.

"DAMN IT, KUROO! DON'T FUCKING DIE ON ME!" you voice heightens as the heels of your hand press harder down to his chest. his mouth falls open and you begin to tremble in fear. a nurse pulls you down from the bed and ushered kenma to keep you at a distance. the doctors and nurses conduct their work simultaneously.

your knees touch the ground in defeat and you whole body feels numb. the remains of his blood stained your hand and you're left with nothing to do but stare at it. kenma kneels down next to you. his hand is rubbing your back while he keeps is eyes glued to kuroo's cubicle.

soon after, a doctor emerges and walks toward the two of you. he anchors his stethoscope around his neck and mutters the words you badly didn't want to hear.

"im sorry for your loss."

you back heaves up and down as you try to catch your breath between howls. kenma pulls you into an embrace. you rest your forehead at the crook of his shoulder as you grip onto his skin. he runs his hand through your hair trying to calm you down even though he can't stop himself from wailing. a few moments later, he pushes you back at an arm length.

"you should take this." his voice is wornout and heavy. his hand digs inside the pocket of his pants. he pulls out a red bracelet. "i saw this on the floor when i came back with the doctors." he holds the back of your hand before flipping it over. the red leather and cold stone touches your palm. when his hand leaves, your eyes welcome your broken red bracelet. your birthstone is in pieces and the red string of fate is unlatched.

your soulmate is gone.

a/n: how do i move on,, i just killed,, kuroo.. and it was my first time writing him. nOOO please while i was conceptualizing the plot i was trying to look for ways not to kill him but no,, it's part of the story (╥﹏╥) i even considered turning him into a ghost lmao. anyway, this is my longest one shot EVER so im really happy if you managed to stick from the start all the way to the end. likes and rbs are very much appreciated and as always thanks for reading~

ps: is there anyone here enjoying this series and wants to be kept updated with new posts? i have a couple more updates for soulmate series so if you want to be tagged in the next posts please send an ask that says "tag request <soulmate series>" thanks again and have a lovely day ♡

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