#counting this as spoilers bc. emotionally it is.

[sinkableruby]

no one draws angry ougi. no one draws the angry ougi faces. but i think about them all the time. i always think about them.

[pathologicalreid]

gemini | S.R.

two emotionally wrought people collide at a wedding, and a sexual escapade ensues.

part two

who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: smut (18+ mdni) content warnings: softdom!spencer, use of the term "good girl" (i couldn't help myself), unprotected sex, reader on bc, alcohol, spoilers for 14x15 truth or dare, lowkey idiots in love, fucking against a wall?, fingering, heavy petting, r has an oral fixation, r is wearing a dress and makeup, explicit consent (hot), public sex, i think that's all word count: 3.42k a/n: this is a little self-indulgent and i don't care! based on literally just the first line of the song gemini by del water gap. probably not ever gonna get a part two. i've never done angsty smut (smangst?) before, so this was fun.

so, here's the setting, we met fucked up at a wedding

Swirling the drink you held in your hand, you watched your friends as they chatted. The pink liquid in the cup, concocted by Penelope Garcia, was far too sweet for your taste, but you needed the liquid courage to make it through the wedding.

It wasn’t that you weren’t happy for Krystall and Dave. It was that weddings oftentimes left a bitter taste in your mouth – one so bitter that not even Penelope’s drink could offset it.

In your periphery, you saw a blur of purple in the corner, looking up to see Spencer. His hand still bandaged from his most recent brush with death, he used his free one to grip a glass of water. Raising your eyebrows, you gave him your best attempt at a smile before you greeted him, “You look good, Dr. Reid.”

He was fully donned in his favorite color, and you tried to pretend that you didn’t notice that your dress matched the purple hue of his suit. “Thanks,” he said shortly, not quite meeting your eyes.

Noting the way he was looking past you, you demurely leaned your head down, glancing over your shoulder so that you could see what he was looking at, only to see JJ. She looked gorgeous in her red dress, laughing at something her husband said before her eyes caught something.

She was staring back at Spencer, and not for the first time, you found yourself wondering what happened in that pawn shop. Bringing your eyes back up to Reid, you watched the confused look in his eyes bloom as he peeled his eyes away from JJ.

Sick of it, you spoke up, “Alright, I had dibs on being the mopey one tonight. What’s wrong?” You had wanted to brush it off as long-lasting nerves from the hostage situation, but he was acting strange.

You knew you weren’t his best friend, that was a title that JJ had been the reigning champion of since the beginning of time. Yet, you still noticed the rigidity in Spencer’s shoulders as he displayed a clear discomfort with his surroundings. You tried to think of something to say to him. How could you ask him if he wanted to get out of here without it sounding like a sexual proposition?

“JJ told me she loved me,” he said, his voice so low you weren’t even sure you had heard him correctly.

Your head snapped up, “Oh.” Swallowing thickly, you tilted your head curiously, letting loose hair tumble to the side. “Do you love her?” Likely not the right conversation for the wedding of everyone’s favorite right-person-wrong-time couple, but you were desperate for a rope to pull yourself out of your wallowing.

He took a sip of his water before setting the empty glass on the bar counter, “I did.” The admission hit you like a ton of bricks, until her continued, “but now…”

Filling in the blanks, you shrugged, “She’s married. They have kids.” Spencer was always doing the right thing, so pushing his feelings aside for the sake of JJ’s family made the most sense.

Furrowing his brows, he pondered this for a moment before speaking, “It’s not just that. I have feelings for someone else.”

“Oh,” you repeated, and somehow the thought of him being in love with an unfamiliar figure hurt more than him being in love with your mutual friend.

The both of you let the conversation lag, watching as Penelope came back up to the bar and poured more drinks. After she accused you of being boring for not wanting another drink, everyone returned to the tables. “Have you dated anyone since him?”

You choked on your newly acquired water, cupping your hand underneath your jaw in an attempt to stop water from getting on your dress. “Uh, no. I’ve kind of sworn off dating ever since,” you replied, shaking your hand out and letting water droplets fall to the floor.

Sighing, you slouched in your seat, remembering that all you’d ever be was a jaded bride. Left by your fiancé on the day of your wedding, doomed to never love again. Until you met Spencer Reid.

“For everyone?” Spencer asked, and you cursed his natural curiosity.

His question caught you off guard. Despite yourself, you shook your head, “I have like… one person who, if they asked me, I’d say yes.” Your skin started to feel warm, and you weren’t sure if it was your proximity to him or Penelope’s drink coming back with a vengeance.

Spencer stepped a little closer to you, leaning casually on the counter as if he wasn’t affecting your ability to focus. “Who’s your person?” The question was innocent enough that it made your heart ache.

“It doesn’t matter, he’s into someone else,” you told him, reaching behind your neck to pull your hair up, haphazardly twisting it. You didn’t have a hair tie, so you let the locks fall once you felt some semblance of relief.

This statement seemingly bothered Spencer because he looked into his glass, “Did he tell you that?”

Nodding, you chewed on the inside of your lip. “Yeah,” maybe not in so many words, Spencer was rarely crass enough to say he was into someone, but you understood well enough.

The conversation lagged between the two of you once again, your own private thoughts were only interrupted when the music changed. It was a slow song, one for the couples of the night to dance to.

You took a chance, “Do you want to go explore the building with me? It’s getting stuffy in here,” you said, taking one final swig of your water before jumping up from your stool.

He looked back at JJ, who was there with Will, and then forward to the girl who was asking to take him away, “Yes.”

David Rossi had spared no expense for his second wedding to his third wife, and the manor that you found yourself meandering within felt never-ending. Something about following Spencer as he led the way and told you facts about the history of the building felt so normal, and you wondered if it would hurt when the night was over. Maybe this would just end as another memory to loathe about weddings.

Trailing him into another room, you stumbled into his back. Quickly, Spencer spun back and caught you before you could fall to the ground.

Steadying yourself, your heart thrummed at the way he was touching you, tightly holding your waist so that you wouldn’t trip. Once you were no longer wobbling, Spencer reached up and gingerly lifted the fallen spaghetti strap of your dress back over your shoulder. Before you had fully thought out your actions, you leaned up on your tip toes and kissed him.

It was hesitant and gentle, but once you registered that you were kissing him you soon realized that he was kissing you back. What started out as a small peck on the lips quickly morphed into full, open-mouthed kisses.

You thought Spencer might eat you alive, and for a moment, you thought you might let him.

Without separating your lips, he herded you over to the wall, pinning your hips to the wall as you felt heat grow between your legs.

Pulling at your bottom lip with his teeth, Spencer pulled away ever so slightly, your faces just inches apart. “Is this okay?” He asked you, his eyes flickering down to your lips like he was holding himself back from kissing you again.

There was fear. A fear that if you moved forward tonight, nothing would ever be the same, but you took a chance  and nodded quickly, “Yes.”

Your answer acted as a release as Spencer dropped his head back down and the two of you reattached your lips. Despite your attempts to ignore it, you felt his hardened length pressing into you through several layers of clothes.

Twisting your head away, you gasped as Spencer took the opportunity to place his lips on your neck, gently suckling on the tender skin as you tried to catch your breath. “Are you sure about this?” You breathed, running your hands underneath his suit jacket, wanting nothing more than to push it off of him.

“Yes,” he answered, giving you the same consent that you had already given him, and it was enough for you to reach for his belt buckle. No matter how badly you wanted to see him entirely bare in front of you, this just wasn’t the place for it.

Gently, you slid your hand down his front, savoring the way his breath hitched against your neck as your fingertips precariously lifted the waistband of his boxers. He gently nipped at your earlobe as you wrapped your hand around the base of his cock.

You let your head fall backward, allowing him better access to your neck as you moved your hand. Moving your hand up so that you could swipe your thumb over the tip.

You dragged your other hand down, pulling his boxers down so that you could get a good look at what you were working with, and biting your lip at the sight of it. Slowly, you started to pump his impressive length, noting how his breathing patterns changed with your movements.

Dragging a knuckle up the underside of him, he dropped his head to your shoulder as you collected his pre-cum on your index finger on your way up, bringing your hand up to your mouth and licking the droplet off, peering up at him.

“You’re so good at that, baby,” he told you, sighing as he reached up and placed his hand on the side of your neck, skimming his thumb over your jawline as his free hand started to make its way up your dress, pausing when he only met bare skin. “No underwear?” He questioned, furrowing his brow at you as you bit your lip, trying to refrain from pressing into his hand.

Whimpering almost indiscriminately, you shook your head, “Couldn’t, panty lines would show under the dress.”

Spencer hummed in recognition, moving his hand up to cup your sex so that you could feel your own wetness on his hand. A pathetic whine escaped your throat as your walls clenched with need, still stopping yourself from grinding on his hand. “What do you need?” He asked, a teasing lilt in his voice, “Come on, you can tell me.”

“You, please,” you answered, your voice dangerously bordering on pleading. “Your hands, anything,” you squeaked out, breathing heavily as you awaited his next move.

Gently, he slipped a finger inside your wet hole, causing you to release a satisfied sigh. “You’re so wet,” he whispered in your ear as you tilted your head back and pressed your lips to his.

As his hand picked up in pace, so did your breathing. With each movement of his hand, you struggled to keep your volume at a respectable level, small whimpers continued escaping you even as you bit down on the inside of your lip. “Spence,” you whined, moaning aloud as he slipped a second finger into you, “Oh, god.”

The silence of the room around you only exacerbated the wet sounds that were emanating from your sex, and if it didn’t feel so good, you might’ve been embarrassed. In fact, as you felt a familiar coil winding in your abdomen, you found that you didn’t have the capacity to feel anything other than pleasure.

Crying out, you nodded as Spencer continued to thrust his fingers in and out of you, “Fuck,” you said, caring less about your volume levels. Even less so when he responded by pressing the heel of his hand against your clit, the pressure proving to be enough to send you over the edge.

“It’s okay,” Spencer whispered in your ear, “Let it go for me, baby.” His words continued as you felt your walls spasming around his fingers, his ministrations had slowed, but he worked you through your orgasm before withdrawing his fingers and lifting them up to your mouth.

Accepting the invitation, you leaned forward and sucked the sweet juices off of his hand, slipping your tongue between his two fingers as you looked up at him. You half expected him to be watching you with lust-blown eyes, but he was watching you just as attentively as he had when you started this escapade.

He retrieved his fingers from your mouth with a satisfying pop and reached down to ruche the fabric of your dress up around your waist. “Wait,” he said suddenly, gripping the silky cloth, “I don’t have a condom.”

Your eyes widened and you shook your head, “I don’t mind.” Still breathing heavy from your previous orgasm, you shook your head again, “I mean. I’m on birth control – and I’m good at it. I mean I keep up with it.” Now babbling, you hoped he’d say something. “I’m clean. I trust you.”

Nodding in understanding, he placed a hand on the side of your neck and looked at you intently. “I’m not going to do anything until you catch your breath,” he told you, taking up an authoritative tone.

Blinking rapidly, you evened out your breathing as he ran his hand up and down your torso, “I’m sorry,” you whispered, taking another deep breath as you looked up at him.

Spencer shook his head, “Don’t be sorry.” He leaned his head down, pressing soft kisses down the side of your neck as you finally pushed his jacket off of his shoulders. “You’re so pretty,” he murmured, leaning down to grip the backs of your thighs.

“It’s okay if you can’t lift me,” you rambled quickly, getting his attention as you aired your concern.

He raised his eyebrows expectantly, pressing his hips into yours and lifting your feet off of the ground. The leverage that he had, along with the support of the wall behind him, allowed him to get both of your feet off of the ground. You would’ve spent more time being impressed by this feat if you weren’t so distracted by his painfully hard cock that had now slipped between your folds.

Leaning down, you desperately kissed his lips, wanting him to give you those open-mouthed kisses that you had started out with. Instead, you cried out when, without warning, his full length slipped into you.

Placing gentle kisses on your collarbone, Spencer murmured, “Are you okay?” He whispered, seeming like he was using all of his self-control to just stay still.

You nodded, feeling his cock throbbing so deep in you that you were almost afraid you’d come from just that pressure alone. “Been a while,” you murmured, taking a deep, shaky breath.

He hummed in understanding, “I’ve got you, take your time.”

His words filled your stomach with butterflies, and it wasn’t just because he was fully sheathed in you. “Spence,” you whimpered, “Move.”

On your cue, Spencer gave a tentative thrust, permitting your resulting moan to mix with his grunt. “Fuck, baby,” he said, continuing to thrust in and out of your cunt, filling the room with the crude squelching of your actions. “I’m not going to last long,” he informed you.

Throwing your head back in ecstasy, you moaned helplessly when Spencer dropped one of your legs to the ground, hooking his arm underneath your other knee, providing a new, deeper angle. You swore as the sensations started to feel overwhelming.

The new angle gave him more control over his movements, enabling him to use his free hand to pull at your breast through the fabric of your dress. As you tugged gently at his hair, you tilted your head back, “Spence, I- shit,” you cursed, recognizing the tell-tale signs of your second orgasm approaching.

If it weren’t for his words of encouragement, you would’ve been embarrassed by coming too quickly, and if anything, the words only spurred you closer to the finish line. “Come for me,” he said, thrusting harder into you as he tried to reach the same point. “Let me know how good I make you feel,” he said, continuing his thrusts until his hips stuttered.

“Coming,” you whimpered, dropping your head forward onto his shoulder as you felt your walls tightening around his hard length. Crying out as he continued to pound into you, you buried your face into his neck and nipped at the skin to muffle your sounds.

Now he was solely working toward his own orgasm, having given you two of your own. “You’re such a good girl,” he panted.

Suckling gently at the skin on his neck – not hard enough to leave a mark, you littered kisses on his sensitive skin. “Come in me, baby,” you murmured, trying to spur him on.

Your success was apparent as his movements faltered and his cock started throbbing, feeling the pulses of his cum as it filled you, your eyes rolled back at the feeling while Spencer slowed to a halt, waiting for a beat before he pulled out of you entirely.

Shuddering at the emptiness you now felt, you leaned against the wall once both of your feet were on the ground. As your legs trembled, you watched as Spencer crouched to fish something out of his jacket, leaving you with your mixture of fluids running down your legs.

As he grabbed the handkerchief from his breast pocket, you gasped slightly as you realized his intentions. “Spence, you’ll ruin it,” you insisted.

“Would you rather go back out there with my cum dripping down your thighs?” He asked, knelt in front of you with his brows raised in mock innocence.

Swallowing thickly, you shook your head, “Jesus.”

He chuckled, using the handkerchief to wipe up the mess the two of you had made on your legs before carelessly tossing it into a nearby trashcan. Noting the way your legs were still shaking, he lifted your chin ever so slightly, “Are you alright?”

Nodding, you offered him a tired, but genuine smile. “I’m great,” you told him, wiping underneath your eyes where you were sure there was a mess of mascara.

Taking your hand in his, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, Spencer led to toward the French doors that led to the balcony, taking you out into the fresh air.

As you leaned up against the railing, Spencer shook out his jacket and draped it over your shoulders, doing his best to keep you comfortable. “Hey,” you whispered, “I really am fine. Are you? How’s your hand?” In all of the hormones, you had forgotten about his injury.

Spencer nodded, looking over the property that Rossi had rented. “I’m good, Y/N. I feel good.” You wished he’d call you baby again, but maybe that was too much to ask for. His eyebrows furrowed.

“What are you thinking about?” You asked him, recognizing the look from years of working together.

He hummed, reaching up and sweeping a strand of hair off of your forehead. “That guy? The one who told you he’s into someone else? I can confidently say he’s an idiot.”

Flushing, you smiled to yourself at the fact that Spencer was calling himself an idiot, especially when he was anything but. Shrugging, you waved him off anyway, “Nobody’s perfect, Spence.”

“No, I suppose not, but even so…” he told you, allowing his voice to trail off like he wasn’t totally sure what he wanted to say to you. “If he can’t see what’s right in front of him, then maybe you need to turn your attention elsewhere.”

Sighing, you leaned your chin in your hand, “Thanks, but I don’t know. Maybe there is better out there, and I’m just not worth it.” No, after tonight, you’d likely never get over him. It might’ve started as a workplace crush, but you felt in your heart that it was now something deeper.

Spencer shook his head, “Now, that’s where we disagree.”

“Spencer, I can’t-“ Your voice is cut off when you hear someone calling your name from inside the building, smoothing out the front of your dress one more time, you step back into the room, coming face to face with JJ.

She smiles in recognition of you, but the grin immediately fades from her face when Spencer walks out behind you, “Hey, we’ve been looking for you guys,” she said flatly. “They’re about to cut the cake.”

Nodding, you took another quick look at Spencer before following the blonde out of the room, leaving your secret in the room behind you.

part two

[love-toxin]

Ellie i want astarion to fuck my mouth

im SO sorry queen i had to make the meow meow a lil emotionally vulnerable while im at it pls forgive me 🐸

(cws: gn!reader, vampire fuckery, bg3 spoilers, oral (m! receiving), teasing, possibly ooc astarion bc im only starting act 2 LOL, jealousy sex, deepthroating, a touch of feral/rough sex, facefucking, astarion is so in love it makes him look stupid <3)

word count: 3.9k

Once again, an evening spent with your mind somewhere else is interrupted by something you weren't expecting. The fire gleams from the pit and washes warmth across your face, a glow cast over your skin as you sit with your fingers white-knuckling a cold mug. Your companions are off on their own save for Scratch, who despite being a bit furrier than the tavern's normal patrons sleeps quietly at your feet. It barely took any convincing to let him in considering the rather stellar reputation you've earned yourselves–not to mention you're sharing a spot around the hearth with a couple frizzy-haired barbarians and a Tabaxi bard strumming out a tune on her lute. All seems peaceful, the noise just relaxed enough that you can let your mind wander about all manner of things. Ponder all sorts of worries you have yet to deal with on your adventure.

But it seems you're destined for an interruption. The back of your neck prickles from nowhere, a chill slithering coldly down your spine…from the corner of your eye you spot him, his pale hand vanishing behind a door on the second floor of the inn.

He's watching you. That's your cue, his methods of distraction always seeming so trivial and out of the way–he could always just come over and tap you on the shoulder. But Astarion likes the chase and isn't much of a fan of sincerity, so it's only natural for you to pass your half-empty mug off to one of the barbarians, get a bumbled shout of gratitude and a slap on the back, and slip away from the night's bustle of the tavern to thump your way up the winding stairs. All four of the rooms have been rented out by you and your party but one will sit empty tonight–aside from your gear, you're fairly certain your room will be unoccupied as you find other sleeping arrangements.

Tap tap. Just in case there's danger looming too close to comfort, you and your partner have a particular signal. Just as your knuckles come away from the door the tapping echoes back, tap tap, and you smother a grin as your fist closes around the knob for you to step inside.

The oak door thuds behind you at once and clicks softly as the latch falls in place. Nothing but the ire of a god or a drunken ogre could interrupt you now….but there's not much to interrupt if there's only one of you here, and as your eyes sweep the simple room you don't spot hide nor hair of your darling creature of the night. You've got a teasing remark on the tip of your tongue, ready to let loose-

"Don't. Move."

-But before you can even take a breath, there's a blade's edge digging into your throat and a cold, lean body pressed up against your backside. Effectively caught between a rock and a hard place. Prey. Astarion's whispered commands, however deep and punctuated they are, only send shivers of delight through you rather than true fear–and you find yourself struck with a dumb grin, not at all immune to the soft touch of his lips as they graze your tender neck from behind. He's got his arm pulled so snug around your waist it feels more like the grasp of a lover than a robbery, but that's because it is.

"Light on valuables, huh?" You tease over your shoulder, your hands braced against his arm as it holds the knife so dangerously close to your pulse point.

"You aren't. Show me what you've got, or I'll look myself." He murmurs back, breath cool as it puffs shallowly against your skin. It's somehow sweet when he tries to be so hard-to-get with you–maybe, you wonder, he doesn't yet realize how attached you are to him despite all you've been through already. Enough that you don't feel the bite of harsh, real danger in your peripheral, which sooner leads him to loosen his grip and push you forward with a palm on the base of your spine–all while tugging the knife out of the way, of course. If you asked him, he'd say it's because it would be a waste to spill such divine blood all over the ground.

As you turn yourself around to face him, you come eye-to-eye with the glaring tip of the knife yet again. Astarion is half-dressed, a bit disheveled, looking as though he's on the cusp of needing a drink again. Those carmine-coloured eyes echo some deep, violent desperation, one that shakes his voice as he commands you with total sincerity to strip.

"Will you join me?" You ask, your voice tinged with adoring hope. It irritates him, hope. Usually, at least. Usually it doesn't rub him as wrong when you're the one with hope in your heart, but evidently tonight is different if his scoff is anything to go by.

"That depends." His gaze flits away as he worries his lower lip between his teeth, not as careful about nicking it with his fangs as he usually is. Something surely must be wrong if he's acting so strange, especially since nothing has happened lately that's seemed to upset him…at least not that he's told you. It could be something else entirely, or something you don't have any idea about. Once he meets your eyes again, the hand he's gripping the dagger in lowers slowly. It was just a prop, after all–never a real threat. "...So long as you don't forget who you pledged your love to. Me. I won't stand for all this…this nonsense I've seen of late."

You cock your head in reply with a raised brow, questioning and curious of what on earth he could be referring to. Astarion rolls his eyes but it's most assuredly a gesture to mask how weak your sincerity makes him, your honesty painfully boring but, at the same time, endlessly endearing. With a sigh he tosses the knife aside in an arc, the handle flipping over blade for it to fall perfectly on the tip, sunk half an inch into the table by the bed. He's got his attention locked on it for long enough that the shuffling of fabric is what turns his head back towards you, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips on instinct as he watches your clothing slip off your positively tantalizing figure.

"We're gonna have to pay for that, you know." Whatever you're saying goes right through both ears, the way your giggles shake your shoulders being all that he can focus on right now. He can barely tear his eyes away once you've wiggled out of your bottoms, and you're swift to remind him of his stare when you cheekily throw the travel-worn trousers in his direction. But all he does is grab a handful of them and press them to his face, not soaking in the scent as much as the undeniable warmth from just coming off your legs. They're only an introduction, however. They're tossed right back at you without pause, and fall to the floor in a heap that Astarion carelessly steps over to get to you. To get closer. He can never really get close enough, ever.

Even an inch away from you, though, your love does nothing to close that last shred of distance between you. Where he was eager to touch you just a few minutes ago, now he keeps his hands down like he's nervous about grazing you with just his fingertips. But despite that you can clearly see how he keeps eyeing your lips, so if he won't meet you the rest of the way, you simply have to do it for him. A quick peck on the chin is too much yet not enough–he endures a noticeable quiver through his body that he tries to stifle, but he can't resist raising a hand to your neck and tilting your head higher, just enough that you won't miss this time when he plants his mouth on yours. Deeper this time, much deeper, with his tongue making an appearance to slither from a cold embrace to your unbearably hot one.

You'd love nothing more than to take it further right here, right now, but there's something stopping Astarion that you'd like to get to the bottom of. Just as he's getting a little lost in your kiss, his eyes shut and fangs scraping at your delicate tongue as it moves with his, you break it off with a warm hand pressed to his chest and bring him back to your unspoken question.

"Azzy, what's wrong?"

"Don't call me that," He snaps back suddenly, brow furrowed in immediate annoyance. He doesn't move away though–clearly you're a bit too enticing for him to rethink the embrace he has you in, nor the fact that you're bare and warm for nobody else but him. "So childish. Or did you simply forget my name already?"

"I could never forget you. Now tell me what's wrong, Az. You're acting weird."

This time, he just shoots you a glare that could kill you on the spot. It's damning, his fury terrifying enough written so plainly on his face….but it also stirs up something within you that won't be sated by words alone.

"Last time, darling. I'm warning you. And it's nothing. Just…" A shake of his head sends his perfect curls flying about, each one falling back into place more perfectly than he's coming across right now. "...I wish you had been around when I was alive. That's all."

"What do you mean?"

"The others are all…alive. Breathing. Warm. Some of them look at you like–like you aren't with me. Like they could sweep you off your feet without even a thought." He says it with so much defeat in his tone, so gently with so soft an edge that you almost can't hear it with the muffled sounds of the tavern under your feet. It's rare to hear him sound so…sad. It's a bit odd to think, but he often comes off younger than he is when he speaks this way. "Maybe, if…if I was with you, then…" He huffs, flinching away from your hand as it grazes his cheek. Yet, within a moment, he's turning back and nuzzling his face into your palm like he can't get enough, his hand coming up to brace your delicate wrist as if he's afraid you really will pull away from him. "...If I was with you, maybe I would never be what I am now."

"But I like who you are now." You insist, the smile slowly returning as it creases the edges of your lips. "I love you, Astarion. I mean it, I always will. Forever."

"Forever is a very long time, my sweet." You shoot him that naive look like you don't really get the gravity of what you're saying. You don't, on second thought–you haven't suffered through two immortal centuries like he has. "...Fine. You love me? Prove it, then."

His tone grows dark, as does the once-vibrant colour in his eyes. Something swirls about behind them like a shadow in the water of a blood-red lake.

"On your knees."

Huh?

"I said," The air grows hot around you despite the chill of his body on yours, a purr rising in the back of his throat as he pushes very gently on your shoulder. "Get on your knees."

And with his command hanging in the air, you follow so obediently you give him a pleasing shiver down the length of his spine and back. You sink down to the floor in one long, fluid motion, barely breaking eye contact as you brace yourself against his pale thighs. They don't even need your touch to come undressed, his pants falling with his thumbs hooked into the waist and tugged down just as easily as you did. He wastes no time in stepping out of them and kicking them away, but he doesn't really have the option to when you're already mesmerized by the image of what lies beneath–once the tip of his flushed, heavy cock sprung free of catching on his belt, you had your gaze glued to it like it's the first time you've ever laid eyes on him.

"I'll never get tired of this view." He smirks, all pompous and smug with no idea of the test of self-control he's about to face. Because although you may be the one beneath him, where you belong in this scenario, the haze over your eyes as you stare openly should be enough of a tell that your mouth is already watering. Astarion's gentle humming hits your ears as he takes himself in hand, tugging out a few slow strokes for your entertainment before he settles on holding it by the base, and guides it down towards your lips. He's so pale everywhere else that the ruddiness of the rubbery head is almost uncanny, but the pale pink blush that spreads throughout gives his flesh such a delicate look that you can't help but dive right in.

One slow, tentative lick up the tip, and Astarion has it written all over his face–he isn't going to be finished until you've got some bruises, that's for sure. You try another and he finally gets a grip on your head, fingers woven through your hair to keep you steady and to calm his trembling hands. Those soft kitten licks are always his weakness, each one a bit braver and deeper but peppered with hot little kisses in between. You press them all down the shaft and back, smearing the stiff flesh with spit and giving him a tongue bath that feels like it never ends–not that he wants it to, though. Those shaky breaths overhead are a telltale sign otherwise.

"More," He purrs, half-needy and half-demanding in the same breath. You kiss over his knuckles that still grip the base of his shaft, and can't help but smile up at him as he quietly taps the head against your lips, tap tap. Twice he knocks and begs silently for entry, and soon he releases a sigh from the depths of his belly as you swallow him down and welcome him in. "Show me what I deserve."

Astarion certainly doesn't need to tell you twice, he barely needs to tell you once. As soon as he's settled snugly where he belongs, he lets go of the grasp he had and watches in awe as you swallow. Every inch he thinks you can't take more of disappears inside your mouth, slid further and further until he starts to curve into the bend of your throat and loses the last vestiges of his willpower. All his strength saps into you like his teeth on your flesh–where he stole your power in your blood, you take it back just as easily with a flick of your tongue and the incessant squeeze of your throat.

"Getting impatient? Already? We've only just begun, love." You can feel the heat of his eyes shift as they turn further downward, no clothing able to serve as a boundary to hide the needy grind of your thighs together as you kneel. The reaction of your body to his rather lewd commentary doesn't help you either, and in one sweep of his gaze over your exposed figure he can see everything you're thinking like it's written across your skin in ink. "Don't stop rubbing those legs together. Show me just how badly you want me, darling."

It might be more embarrassing if you didn't know Astarion had seen it all already, and that he would most definitely be seeing much more of everything below in the future. The fact that you trust him with those fangs around all your sensitive areas is touching…and it also means he trusts you enough to be a little rougher when you're returning the favour. You've degraded yourself to a humiliating extent by being with him, by getting down on your knees for him no less, and with him wrapped so tight and cozy in your throat he's got a look like he's ready to make himself at home.

With a moan slipped in between the pauses, your beloved curls his thumbs down behind the shell of each ear, his palms laid flat against your temples so he won't let go so easily. The drawing back is easy, his cock parting less and less of the space inside until he's barely brought it back to the tip–but just as you're getting in a taste of his salty sweat and bitterly rich arousal as it sits heavy on your tongue, Astarion flashes you a wink and braces your face for impact as he thrusts back in. Your heat coddles every inch of him and shakes loose a string of raspy moans from his chest, while the scrape of your nails against his thighs and your soft, squirming tongue pressed flat against his girth only has him burning hotter. The first time is a tight fit for sure, but as he enters into a steady rhythm of pulling out and gliding past your sweet, stretched lips, each buck of his hips grows smoother and it gets easier with time. Sooner than either of you expected, you barely have to focus at all–you can sit nicely and let your attention wander up to his lusty gaze, idly suckling at whatever he manages to stuff inside for as long as he's able to keep it there.

"I know it's on your mind already, but tell me I'm beautiful, my sweet." Astarion croons like a cat to a mouse, speaking so sweetly like he isn't still ravaging the most tender areas of your throat, and fucking away any possibility of you speaking properly for the next little while. And he shows no signs of stopping, your squeaky, muffled moans as he grinds the heft of his cock against your tongue too delicious for him to think about it. But eventually he does, managing somehow to pry himself off of your beautiful, fucked-out, spit-slicked face to give you a chance. "Go on. Speak."

"Please," You croak, head hazy and your face dark with warmth. "You're so beautiful, Astarion, please. I love you."

"Will you love me forever?" You nod, the answer barely a hair's breadth from your swollen lips.

"For eternity."

Astarion takes a moment, a pause that lasts a lifetime or more, but the genuine joy that starts to spread across his smile could keep you alive for a century of centuries. It's not one you see often or ever see, but that makes it just as precious as any gold or treasure you might come across in your lifetime.

"...Eternity it is then, darling." One of those cold hands moves to stroke your hair, his touch fleeting yet his grip tight with desire as you lean in for a kiss–not on his lips, but rather the tip of his dick, of which is absolutely soaked by your influence…and of his readiness for the end, as you can see by the veins pulsing up the sides and the whole length twitching with anticipation. You can feel those little spasms through your tongue as it meets his slit, Astarion's chest heaving and fangs glinting as he gives in to the urges to nestle himself back inside. As much as he wants a proper kiss, he'll get one as soon as those frantic hips slow completely instead of picking up speed as he meets your delectable heat again. He could be using you for his pleasure alone for another two hundred years, and in your endless desire to please him you're not sure you'd oppose it–you know for a fact that once the centuries had passed, Astarion would be spending twice as long with his head down between your legs.

"One day, I'll tear that wretch of a vampire's heart out through his stomach," Astarion growls out of nowhere, suddenly sounding completely feral in the span of a moment. The ferocity with which he's fighting the tightness of your throat increases too, thought not much more than he already was–if you touched your neck you would feel the bulge of him sunk so deep he can see it, the rise and fall of that soft flesh tightening the knot in the pit of his belly. "-And we won't ever spend a day apart. I swear."

All you can do is ride with the pace he's offering, your throat cinching tight like a coinpurse the more he rams it with the full strength of his hips, nails digging into your scalp as he batters you rabidly without ever losing his grip. Soon, his query of "Ready, darling?" barely meets your ears, your attempt at not choking on each thrust and somehow sucking in a breath here and there too important for your survival.

And in a matter of moments, you're granted reprieve while also left hollow and empty at the same time, Astarion's fist yanking you back by the hair as he sucks in a huge, deep breath into his lungs. The twist of his other hand stroking himself down to the last few beats comes close to your face, your soft gasps for air the perfect background for your name to trickle out of Astarion's mouth–and with such a deep moan it rattles you through your blood down to your bones, you kneel and wait eagerly as your partner lets everything go for you. His balls tighten and squeeze as the pressure of that knot inside him snaps, and he watches with a devoted gleam in his eyes as you wear every rope of pearly cum he milks out for you in that orgasm that shakes him to the core.

"Look at that," He murmurs, voice nearly as wrecked and raspy as yours will be by tomorrow. "Painted like a canvas fit for the gods. Gorgeous."

If he could, he would save this image of you in a frame forever; your sweet, smiling face marred with the essence of him, your hair pulled back by his sweaty fingers but your eyes filled with so much love. Love, genuine and sincere, your giggles loopy and tired as you come down from the high, yet without any post-sex remorse that he fears each and every time you climb into his bed with him. It stays the same when he cleans you off and persists even once you kiss him, knees so wobbly you fall back into the sheets with the slightest push. You won't ever let him free, kiss after kiss pressed to his cold mouth as he climbs over you. Your ankles hook over his waist before he knows it, your smile desperate to be wiped off your face again once he chases that heat for the second, third, fourth, fifth, tenth time, until the sun rises and you're reminded of the downsides of entertaining a lover who never needs rest.

You might tell him you love him again when morning comes, despite the exhaustion tugging down your eyelids and the sweat pouring down your aching back. You probably will, knowing how naive and sincere you tend to be even when you shouldn't. Even so, this time…Astarion might not be able to pretend he doesn't feel exactly the same way.

[tom-whore-dleston]

Have you thought about doing A-Z fluff with Adam Warlock? I would love to see it! <3

Pairing ▹ Adam Warlock x f. reader

Genre ▹ fluff

This fic contains ▹ gotg vol. 3 spoilers!, fluff, some angst, jealousy, break-up, mentions of Adam pre-Guardians, lots of domestic shit, Adam being down bad for you, Eros/Starfox from The Eternals makes a guest appearance, lightly beta-ed

Word Count ▹ 2.6k

Notes ▹ I normally don't take requests but I thought this would be a nice exercise to get me back into writing bc it's been a hot minute. Plus, Will Poulter is currently invading my head space after the sexy dream I had of him. Remember to reblog and comment if you enjoyed! 😊

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) If you could rate how affectionate Adam was on a scale from one to ten, the scale would be broken. He was always hugging, kissing, and holding you. Adam’s love language is physical touch so he’d probably perish if you weren’t in his embrace.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) Adam was the first friend you made after arriving at Knowhere. While celebrating the destruction of Counter-Earth and the fall of the High Evolutionary, you found Adam watching you dance. You were drawn to him like a magnet so it felt natural that you approached him, introduced yourself, and pulled him into a dance. He was hesitant because he was unfamiliar with the art of dancing, but fortunately, you were a dancer on your old planet so you taught him how to move to the music.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?) Of course, Adam is a cuddler! He enjoys being big and little spoons equally, just as long as you were pressed against his body in any kind of way. Cuddles are perfect when Blurp is nestled in the space between your and Adam’s legs.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) He is the most domestic partner you have ever dated, hence why you both work so well together. He loved cooking and cleaning and doing other chores with you. Being next to you and doing mundane things together was one of his favorite things to do with you. Even though he loves the Guardians, Adam pictured what life would be like with just the two of you in your own living space. He wouldn’t bring up the idea until later down the line because he wants to be there for the team as much as he can.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) Adam would write you a long, heartfelt letter describing his feelings and why he is ending your relationship. You’d find dried-up tear stains that smeared on the ink from his pen, causing some words to be smudged. You would add to the paper with your own set of tears as you read about all the beautiful memories the two of you made together.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quickly would they want to get married?) Adam would be head over heels for you so he is 100% down to be committed to you and only you. If it were up to him, he’d want to marry you as soon as possible. However, you told him you wanted to wait a little longer before getting married. Adam respected your wishes but he often gets lost daydreaming about how perfect your wedding day would be.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) Adam is the definition of a gentle giant. Everyone was initially intimidated by him because of how powerful and destructive he once was. However, once you encouraged the others to give Adam a chance, they realized how gentle and kind he was. Adam knows that you are capable of handling your own and don’t need to be treated so delicately. Yet, that doesn’t stop him from being tender and soft with you. He just doesn’t want to hurt anyone again the way he once did.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) Adam doesn’t like hugs. He LOVES them! He will hug you every chance he gets and you are there to reciprocate. His favorite kind of hugs are ones with you and Blurp atop his bed right before you all fall asleep together. All the children from Counter-Earth run up to Adam to give him a hug because he is like a giant teddy bear to them.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) Adam would most likely confess his love for you after a month of being together. When he began developing these feelings for you, he sought advice from the Guardians, both former and new. Nebula suggested that he gift you the heart of your worst enemy. After a collection of cringes from the group, Drax advised him to just pull her into a kiss on the battlefield because “she will never see it coming.” The Guardians began shouting and arguing amongst each other over what was the best way Adam should tell you he loves you. Finally, Groot, who was the most silent of the group, told Adam that the best way to win your heart is just to be yourself and let it come out naturally. Rocket almost shed a tear with how proud he was of his friend. Of course, Adam took Groot’s advice and let the words flow naturally. As you both shared a kiss, the Guardians watched you both with warm hearts and smiles on their faces.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) Adam doesn’t get jealous often, but when he does, he does a poor job of hiding it. After he confessed his love for you, Starfox, an Eternal, stopped by for a visit. Starfox, also known as Eros, was a long-time friend of yours and it got to Adam’s head how close you were to him. You reassured Adam that there was nothing to worry about, but the Eternal’s handsome features and flirty ways made Adam consider otherwise. Adam isolated from you for an entire day, until Eros found him setting a pile of trash on fire. The two Celestials had a heart-to-heart about you and Eros revealed to Adam how enamored you were with Adam.

“Yeah, she talks about you all the time. I’ve never seen her with such joy in the time I have known her.”

“Oh.” Adam felt a pinch of guilt for being so angry with Eros. “I’m sorry for being jealous of you. I’d like for us to be friends if that’s possible.”

“All is forgiven, mate,” Eros grinned, holding his hand out to Adam. “You obviously make her happy so you’re already taken Pip’s spot as my best friend.” With that, Adam shook his hand, beginning the start to another friendship.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) Kissing Adam feels like the flowers blooming in the springtime and the leaves falling in the autumn. Every kiss with him is as amazing as the first time. His lips melt against yours like the universe created you both to do so. He loves stooping down to your level to peck you on the forehead or nose. Meanwhile, you love kissing him on his shoulder or his collarbone because it’s the easiest for you to reach. Adam’s favorite way to be kissed by you is on his hand while your fingers are interlaced with his. You would bring your locked hands to your lips before pressing a kiss atop his hand and then nuzzling your cheek against it.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) Considering the number of kids that reside on Knowhere, he basically treats them as his younger siblings. You love watching the kids play and climb all over Adam as he bursts into fits of laughter. When the children start fighting or crying, he immediately steps in to comfort them or help solve their problems. Seeing how great he is with them makes you think about how amazing of a dad he would be in the future.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) Usually, you wake up before he does with your head pressed against his chest. You’d wake him up by peppering kisses over his face and stroking his soft blonde hair. Adam would return the favor with groggy eyes and then do the same to Blurp, who was typically the last to wake up. Your morning routine together always began by turning on some 80s music because it was upbeat and energetic. You would wash your face and brush your teeth before changing into your clothes for the day. After that, you would help yourselves to breakfast. Sometimes, Blurp would need to be fed first otherwise he would beg for the food you were cooking for yourselves.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) If you aren’t on missions across the galaxy, your night routine would be enjoying dinner on a rooftop to admire the stars and planets in the sky. A playlist of love songs would be playing in the background as you conversed and ate. Then, you would share a bath or shower, depending on how tired you both were. Sometimes, you would lose track of time and fall asleep under the night sky with a blanket draped over your body. The Guardians have made attempts to get you back into your beds but gave up when you tossed around and cuddled closer to one another.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) Adam doesn’t have much life experience so he shares everything with you all at once. Normally, it would bother you if a partner was an open book right off the bat, but you understood that Adam was a different case. If anything, it made you love him more knowing that you get to grow with him and show him the beauties of the universe.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) Adam can be easily angered, depending on the situation. He will never get angry with you and he avoids getting angry in front of you. Yet, you tend to be the one to find him when he is alone and letting out his anger on abandoned items in a secluded area of Knowhere. Conversely, he can easily calm down with you when your hand touches his. You help him with deep breaths and affirmations and his anger is gone.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) Adam remembers everything from your mother’s name to your favorite color. On the flip side, he will forget anything that Rocket will tell him, even if it was something important. The Guardians say he has a selective hearing for you because he is so wrapped up in his love for you. Sometimes, you will have to repeat what Rocket says back to Adam because he is more likely to remember important things if you are the one exchanging information with him.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?) His favorite memory with you is when you first met. Adam couldn’t help but watch you dance to Florence and the Machine. Even when you laid eyes on him, his gaze was still locked on you. He was grateful you were confident enough to introduce yourself to him and ask him to dance. He was nervous and tripped over his own feet and words, but you didn’t seem bothered at all by it. Having your body against his ignited a fire inside him that he did not know could exist. Little did he know that you were feeling the same exact thing as him.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) Adam is sooooo protective. Not just of you, but with the Guardians and the citizens of Knowhere. He wasn’t able to protect his mother from her untimely death and he is still haunted by it. So he goes to extreme lengths to protect everyone he loves. He isn’t all that concerned about his own safety because he knows he is powerful enough to protect himself. Adam is the type to make sacrifices for the better of everyone else even if it means getting hurt in the process. At least you are there to tend to his wounds when he is done protecting everyone.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) Adam puts a lot of effort into his relationship with you. He is always the first one to sing “Happy Birthday” to you on your birthday and make it a special day for you. The Sovereign will get assistance from Mantis and Drax to set up dates, parties, and gifts for you. This usually leads to Mantis and Drax bickering over what Adam should write on cards or if he should get you candy or stuffed animals. Sometimes, their bickering would be so loud that Adam’s surprises for you would get spoiled because you would be eavesdropping on their conversations. At the end of it all, you loved the lengths Adam went through to make you happy and loved. But you still suggested that Adam seek help from someone other than Mantis and Drax if he wants the surprises to be successful.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) At first, it was cute when Adam had selective hearing/memory for you, but after a while, it became a little concerning. Especially when he would forget stuff regarding missions. You confronted Adam in a gentle way and he agreed to work on his listening skills. He has improved in listening to Rocket, but he still struggles to remember Rocket’s favorite song.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Adam isn’t too concerned with his looks. Perhaps the reason being his young mind hasn’t allowed him to be self-aware of his looks. Either way, he is content with how he looks because appearance doesn’t change how people view him.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) As mentioned previously, he would perish without you by his side.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.) Peter Quill returned to Knowhere for a short visit. He showered everyone with gifts, Adam receiving a Polaroid. Quill taught him how to use the camera and even took a selfie with him. Adam was so excited to show you his gift that he ran up to you and took a picture of you admiring the ballet slippers Quill gifted you with. Now, Adam’s room is covered in Polaroids of you and him, but he cherishes the photo of you smiling down at the slippers you loved dancing in.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?) He would not be fond of self-deprecating behaviors from himself or a partner. Adam understood that everyone has their flaws, but it makes him sad when he sees others put themselves down because he believes that anyone can be redeemed. He is a prime example of second chances. That being said, he would have zero tolerance for anyone who picks on you or his friends. Adam has no problem putting bullies in their places.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?) Adam sleeps better when you and Blurp are sharing the bed with him. When either one of you is missing, his sleep gets disrupted. And when he isn’t fully rested, it affects his mood and performance on missions and everyday tasks. Something that helps when you are away is listening to songs that remind him of you and looking at Polaroids of you.

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[mercymermaid]

okay dragon prince s6 was. a wild fucking ride

here's my live reaction and my post reaction

warning: obvious spoilers, really long, extremely incomprehensible, i also forgot half the non-main characters' names

------

live reaction:

JUST REALIZED DRAGON PRINCE S6 CAME OUT LET’S GOOOP

the last show i watched was lmk (besides nezha conquers the dragon king) so seeing them all so animated and actually humanoid is so satisfying

VIREN'S HANDS AND REACTION WHEN HE SEES CLAUDIA'S LEG. RAGDJGUFUJFJDDJBR ME TOO BUD ME TOOOOOO

also aaravos crying in the beginning jumpscared me because i didn’t realize it was him at first i thought it was a new va or smth 😭

ALSO NOOOO SIR SPARKLEPUFF 😭

screaming

claudia: kills her ‘brother’ and loses her sanity to save viren to go save aaravos

viren: nah i choose life

claudia: 😃 haha what

literally she’s sobbing because he’s trying to go back to katolis

oh the running animation is still shit

ughhhh the little humany movements

rayla’s hand being uncertain and lowering and going to her face when callum runs off w her blanket

and soren howling w zym is so real

CUTTING FROM “CAN WE TRUST JELLYBUG” TO THE FIRE WAS A MOMENTARY JUMPSCARE

“i have my blankie” that’s. rayla’s blankie.

okay i’m calling it they sent callum down there without a shot of him replacing the pearl so i bet they took the decoy

either that or the reason they didn’t put a shot is to not make us think that and they brought the actual peael in 💀

jm ever overthinking or a genius

no terry :(

naming a dragon pyrrah is crazy

also not me completely forgetting wtf happened in s5

completely forgot zubeia had her ass kicked

WHAT COULD YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS YOU ARE NOT A QUEEN

DAMNNNNNNN

how have i forgotten like everyone’s names mb

corvus deserves the world i remember why he was my favorite character when he actually had screentime

corvus and soren were husbands your honor

since when was corvus’s leg injured

was that in s5 and my dumbass missed it

but soren carrying him is golden

yeah it was in s5 im stupid just googled

please don’t let the mushroom mage be a villain he’s awesome

the split speech between janai and karim is awesome

and i need to rewatch the other seasons but. did they fix the shading?? or am i just being spoiled after lmk

JANAI AND AMAYA WEDDING LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

corvus and soren are fucking Best Friends Yes Homo i swear ighhjhhh

BUT JANAI AND AMAYA KISSING EARLIER WOOHOOOO LET’S HEAR IT FOR LOVING CARING POSITIVE HEALTHY YURIIIII

NO SHADOWPAW

warriors ass name

i forgot to mention they fixed rayla’s hypothermic forehead

oh claudia’s still alive??

the frozen ship speech

is so foreshadowing or a metaphor or smth cool

terry is genuinely such a good boyfriend

and rayla reading the diary is great

help not rayla reading the diary instead of trying to find supplies

is she crying bc of the sadass story or because she’s thinking of callum

terry do you not know how to brush hair

if there’s a not you grab the hair before the knot so it hurts less

what crisis did claudia go through to cut her hair

okay yeah stupid question

shadow monkey and the bait rip-off baby both cooing at rayla and callum sharing a bed is real

but corvus and soren sharing a bed would be better

CHRIST JELP WHY ARE THEY DOING THAY TO POOR RAYLA AND CALLUM

NO WAYYY

sobbing

DUMB BITCH KI ISS HER

THAT IS NOT A TIME TO BRING UP DARK MAGIC

also claudia honey i love your style but honey you need to fix your hair

OH TERRY MAKING HER A PROSTHETIC LEG SWEETIEEEE

they haven’t spoken at all this entire time

OH THEY KISS TOO

CALLUM YOU DUMB BITCH YOU’RE THE ONLY ONES

“exhales emotionally” is crazy

did their asses just. forget the Pearl

oh yeah they did

rayla’s cooked

oh no she’s fine

the guard bonking the other on the head is so real

how do they not recognize viren

blind ass bitches

DAMN OKAY EZRAN EAT THATTTTTT

im calling it

ep3 already and the only aaravos screentime we had was him crying (over leola i assume) (and callum’s flashbacks but they don’t count)

it’s another mystery of aaravos’s screentime season i see

in america the starscraper would cost 20000000 a month and would have the view of twenty other starscrapers

claudia is a material girl

and I’d get severe social anxiety being inside the starscraper

yikes aaravos has plot armor

“no one can save xadia” okay edgelord

damn not the side quest to go kill a snow monster 💀

last episode before i sleep

please give us actual fucking aaravos screentime

YOOO CLAUDIA IS IN THE INTROVNOW

WOAHHHH

referring to viren as the prisoner is WILD

yeah viren bud you did that to yourself soren had all right to scream at you

watch the snow monster be like aaravos’s pet 💀

the snowstorm isn’t dying down girl

oh nvm

oh yeah that’s not aaravos’s pet im stupid

i expected a plot twist like this

the celestial elves hearing about how the chosen two actually did this for themselves 👁️👄👁️

not astrid’s brother (im sorry i immediately forgot his name) immediately becoming timeblind

HELP NOT CALLUM IMMEDIATELY BEING CALLED EVIL

OH FINALLY AARAVOS CONTENT

oh nevermind it was ONE SENTENCE

buddy we saw you cry earlier you ain’t winning (toxic masculinity is tho!!)

OH I KNEW THAT FLY WAS A METAPHOR

okay one more episode i can’t

ohhhhh the guy was named kosmo whoops

that autocorrected to Komsomol

the fuck is Komsomol

okay yeah we’re not getting any aaravos content this season huh

season 7 is still mystery (though it’s gonna be the last season in mystery) so i assume that’s when shit happens

HOW DID AARAVOS HAVE MORR SCREEN TIME OUTSIDE OF THE SEASONS FUCKING NAMED AFTER HIM

saw the trailer yeah no aaravos is so getting released

I WAS SO RIGHT HE ACTUALLY BROUGHT THE FUCKONG CANDY ORB I CALLED I CALLED I CALLED I CALLED IT

viren trauma dumping to soren is crazy

viren sobbing sounds kind of aaravos sobbing

why is everything black and white when kosmo speaks

okay time line 🤩

timeblind fuck me dude

i love how expressive everyone is

damn astrid eat!!!

OHHHHHHH

THE WHOLE

UH

BLACK AND WHITE TJING WAS HIS FLASHBACK AND THEN CHANGING THE PAST AND FUTURE

OKAYTYYYYYY MAIN CHAARCTERRRRR

damn viren why’d you do kpp’ar dirty like that 😭

NAHHHHHH

rip buddy

no what happened to the spider

did they forget her on him 💀

STOP CUTTING FROM CALLUM PLUMMETING TO VIREN TRAUMADUMPING IS CRAZYYYYYH

what is viren doing anyway

writing a fucking autobiography

like how is this going to get soren to like him

yeah all that did not fit on that one piece of paper with his huge ass handwriting

IS THAT LEOLA

WHOS THAT PRETTY POOKIE

THE MERCIFUL ONE?.

all he needed was to go fly up really high and now he’s plot power protected 💀 no wayyyy

are they gonna tell him about the candy pearl tho 😭

IS HE STILL WRITING

JESSUSSSS

viren a sorry isn’t gonna help anymore

dumb bitch

oh thank god kosmo told his sister

viren should listen to kosmo

oh look at him making smart choices

go soren

YEAHHHH BURN I

It

oh the spider is alive 😁

okay callum be introspective

aswwwwww they’re fixing their past

FINALLLYYYYYYY THEY KISSSEEDDDDDDDDD UGHHHHHH LONG TIME COMING DIMNAZSESSSSSS

DUMBASSESSSSS

AWWWWWWWW THEY’RE SO CUTEEEEE

AND YET NO FUCKING AARAVOS

YOU HAVE THREE EPISODES LEFT.

USE THEM.

why the fuck are they going to the moon nexus

awwww them kissing like a high school couple is great

OHHHHH she got wings!!!

did they. tell callum and rayla that they brought the wrong pearl???

SOL REGEMCIS THAT YOU

“fix my wings and i’ll fly” yeah

oh they’re doing it rn nvm

how are they doing it….

oh runes magic wowwww

the soldiers slamming their staffs is off-beat

YEAHHHHH HE GOT NEW WINGSSSS

since when is corvus a musician

since forever my dumbass forgot about what i saw in the wiki

oh kazi is enby

cuteeeeeeeee

morning clouds is crazy

this is very discouraging poetry

YIPPEEEEE

oh fuck karim dude it’s her wedding be niceeee

run roh bald guy is infecteddddd

oh janai come on you’re the stupid and foolish one

ezran buddy you’re not gonna help 😭

dayum karim be niceeeee

ren pooks i appreciate the humor but not the time

gren

im stupid

ugh these two are so wholesomely in love it’s so sweeeetttttttttt im screaming

ughhhghghghghfhfhghghghggh

YEAHHHHHHHHHHH

HEALTHY LOVIJG CARING POSITIVE YURIII FOR THE WINNNNNNN

history cannot be forged without fire, without strength

damn

ezran bud honey

are we ignoring the archery girl what fucking help was she

ZYM EATTTTTTT

GO BRIDLELESSSSS

YESSSS GO ARCHER GIRL

who tf is archer girl anyway i forgot everything abt her

DONT SHOOT THE HORSES

thank god

yeah they’re cooked

help did the guy riding sol regem betray him

OHHHH THEY’RE GOING FOR KATOLIS

DAMNNNN THAT’S FUCKING FOULLL

WAIT OMG WAIT WAIT WAIT

SINCE THE REAL PEAEL IS IN KATOLIS

ARE THEY GONNA INADVERTENTLY DESTROY THE PEARL AND RELEASE AARAVOS

for being the crownguard soren is useless

ouch that’s a concussion

just use a fucking cannonball

yeahhhhh the pearl is fucked isn’t it

oh rip soren he’s a dead man

OHHH WAIT YEAH THE PEARL IS BEING DESTROYED

BALDIE IS POSSESSED

help making viren do magic is crazy

DARK MAGIC IS WORSEEEEE

oh yeah no

SOREEN NOOOOO

NAHHHHHHHHHH

he’s so dead

NO IS SOREN DEAD

NOOOOOO CORVUS NEEDS HIS POOKIE BEAR

OH SOREN LIVED????

OH SHIT

VIREN USED HIS OWN HEART

PLOT TWISTTTTTTTT

DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

only show in which i care about all the characters

HELP WHY DID SOREN LOOK LIKE THAT

oh right they became monsters or smth

it’s okay viren you died doing the thing you didn’t want to do

I AM A SERVANT IS CRAZYYYYYHY

imagine viren’s body lands on soren

nvm

WELL THEN WHAT DID THE GUY WANT WITH KATOLIS IF AARAVOS’S PEARL IS FINE??.?

claudia your dad is dead im sorry

OH IT AAS FOR AARAVOS

FINALLY AARAVOS CONTENTTTTTT

he looks so annoyed when soul regem looks away

TELL ME HE RELEASES AARAVOS BY ACCIDENT

what mystery

WAIT LUNA TENRBSI

I ATE HER

I ATE HER

I ATE YOUR GRANDMA

DAMNNNNNNN PLOT TWISTTTTT

DAMNNNNN SOL REGEM DAMNNNNNNNNNN

rip baldie

oh rip sol regem too

oh yeah they’re both dead 💀

crazy ass way to go imo

okay bye bye star bitch you still have an episode and a half to prove yourself

terry is right

okay ignore everything terry justbsaid

claudia honey good luck

see now THAT is sobbing

AARAVOS GO AWAY YOU MANWHORE

OHHHHHH THE PEARL

OHHHHHHH CLAUDIA WILL RELEASE HIM OR SMTH

THAT’S FUCKIGN CRAZZYYYDYSHBEVKJSDBIFUGRWLUBRSVIF S

ohhh they’re at the moon nexus

still dk why

ohhhhhhhhhh the coins!!

fake quasar diamonds calling it

anyway i called that the pearl was fake and i called katolis’s destruction leading to aaravos being freed

ARE THEY FREEING HIM RN

CRAZZYYYYYYY

TERRY IS SO REAL

AARAVOS LET HER DEAL W HER DEAD DAD IN PEACE

claudia why do you want to help him

BUT YES IS HE FINALLY GONNA GET RELEASED LET’S GOOOOOOOO

calling it he gets released at the end of the last episode

and then we have to wait for s7 to actually get content

please. all i want. is a scene with him just. being overwhelmed by existence.

which isn’t gonna happen bc he’s the Mysterious Overpowered Villain where any weakness we saw from him was him sobbing over Leola

if that doesn’t happen im writing it i swear to god

NO THEY NEED THE QASAR DIAMOND TOOO

COME ON DUDE

OHHHHHH

THE GEM IN VIREN’S STAFF

IS THE QASAR DIAMOND THAT’S SIPPOSED TO BE IN THE CORONA

CRAZYYYYY

OHHHH THEY’RE RELEASING HIM

PLEASPELEPWSLELWPALSLEOWLALDE

help did they fail

dumbass bitches

LAST EPISODE

IF HE DOESNT GET RELEASED

I AM GOING TO SHOOT MYSELF

help why does intro claudia still have long hair

i was so right about him being released late wasn’t it

I WANT A SCENE WHERE WHEN HE GETS RELEASED HE GETS HIS SHINE BACKKKKK

okay is aaravos gonna traumadump now

claudia doesn’t know how to cast spells with love

that’s pretty sad

OHHHHHH HE’S TRAUMA DUMPING ABOUT LEOLAAAAAA

UEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

UGHHHHH SHE’S SO CUTEEEEEEE

LEOLAA WAS SO CUTEEEEEE

im telling her to save her family fuck runaan (i forgot who he is)

ighhhhh lwk they should have an older version of zym available for pfp usage

“please don’t die” eloquent!!

“what happened to you” honey love pooks those are soul fragments

this isn’t who you are! you’re broken! but i can make you whole again!

rayla, honey… are you gonna sing fight song next

oh now she’s faced with options

go back to save runaan

or go and save her parents

HELP IS THE PEARL A MODEL OF HIS HOUSE??? THAT’S FOUL AS FUCK

yeah leola’s abt to die isn’t she

that cube hole was not big enough for the cube

OH HE’S SO KINDDD

NOOOOO LEOLA

GOLDEN DRAGON

DAMN SOL REGEM DID YOU TAKE HIS KID

OH

AARAVOS ON A FLOATY PLATFORM (IN TRAILER) ISNT HIM BEING RELEASED IT’S HIM W LEOLA

leola is fucked

AWWWWW AARAVOSSS

OHHH MERCIFUL ONE!!

DAMNNN KILLING THEM BOTH IS CRAZY

is she not saving her parents??

OHHHHHH

THEY’RE DYING

YIKES

OHHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S WHAT THAT MEANS

ALLOWING THEIR SOULS TO COMBINE BECAUSE THEY CANT DIE OTHERWISE

OKAYYY MAIN CHARACTER AARAVOS

how did he get his daughter tho

who did he fail

*rail

WHY DID HIS VOICE CHANGE LIKE THAT

bro is sobbing

OHHH LEOLA THAT LOOKS PAINFULLLLLO

LEOLA’S LAST WISHHHHHHH

DAMNNNN

BRO CRIED LONG ENOUGH TO MAKE A SEA

DAMN BRO

yeah he just trauma dumped to claudia and terry

oh she’s bringing back runaan???

oh he’s good now

“i’m a monster” yeah you’re showing that

you’re still trying to kill her buddy

HELP WHAT

HUHHHHHHHHHH

WHAT’S THAT

SHE’S HIS DAUGHTER???

oh i see

so she let her parents pass on and instead went w runaan is crazy

oh no she just got a lotus looking thingy

no parents

oh runaan exists as a pretty flower now 💀

YES TERRY TALK SENSE INTO HER

aaravos watching terry tell claudia that his love is twisted: 🧍

okay so claudia did not have a redemption arc

goddamn

OHHH THEYRE SIMULTANEOUSLY BRINGING BACK AARAVOS AND RUNAAN

CRAZZY SHITTTTT

THAT’SNFUCKING WIDLS,WOD

how did her first attempt look any different than this 💀

oh

i see

terry is regretting his choice of gf

PLEASE LET AARAVOS’S RETURN BE DRAAMTIC PELASEESSA

help why is runaan nearly naked

did he just lose his clothes

poor guy didn’t deserve that

HELP IS AARAVOS GONNA BE NAKED TOO 😭 GIVE THE MEN SOME DIGNITY

YOURE KIDDING KIDDING ME

THEY SHOW RUNAAN GET BRIUGHT BACK

THRY SHOWNCALLUM GASO

AND HE’S FOCUSING ON KATOLIS

AND NO

FUCKING

AARAVOS

I TOLD YOU HE WAS GONNA GET BROUGHT BACK AT THE END OF THE LAAT EPISODE INN THR SHITTIEST CLIFFHANGER KNOWN TO MAN

YOU’RE FUCKING KDDING ME

YOU’RE FUCKIGN HOKIHJ

ohh yippee janai and amaya can have an actual wedding!,

OH FUCK EZRAN DOESNT KNOW ABOUT KATOLIS

SHITTTTTTTTTTT

HE’S ABT TO FIND OUT POOR UGY

YES SHOW AARAVOS

PLEASE

let”smog

YESSSSSS FINALLLLYYYYYYYY

oh he’s not naked

WHY IS HE SO BIG HELP

BRO REALLY DID SWALLOW JANAI’S GRANDMA

EXPLAINS WHY HE MANAGED TO LITERALLY CRY AN OCEAN

every aaravos-comes-back fanfic punching the air rn

make him smaller i don’t like this wtf

WAIT HOLD ON IT DONT MAKE SENSE

IN THE FLASHBACKS

AARAVOD WAS NORMAL SIZED

IS HE JUST HYPER MAGIC

AND THAT

WAS THE SHITTIEST WAY

TO END

THE

SEASON

IM GOJ; TO SHOOTVMYSELF

OHHHHH THE LAST LITTLE CREEITS DRAWING IS AARAVOS WITH LEOLA MY HEARTTTTTTTTT

------

post reaction:

okay wow now wasn't that a season!!!

salty about the fact that they released aaravos at the very end, but i lapped up aaravos's story and his angst like a kitten to milk

loved it, wish s7 was out, and wish his release was a tad more dramatic because! he has been imprisoned for centuries! let him have a breakdown, he deserves one!

also not me managing to predict plot twists 💀💀

anyway if you made it this far, have some sunfire cake 🍰🍰

[victimized-martyr]

thinking about this ask that led to me rambling about how Stan and Kyle might have a fallout once Kyle gets romantically involved w/ cartman and I wanna go down this rabbit hole some more—

I was wondering whether Cartman fit the traits of a psychopath, sociopath or a narcissist (spoilers, Cartman is very much a textbook Narc but it’s not clear if he’s a complete sociopath, it’s hard for me to pin down bc his rare bouts of empathy and how they surface have been inconsistent and far in between seasons for me to make a call. again, it depends on the writing and direction for a particular season of sp) and in my gay ass research I kept seeing resources that constantly disclosed “do not take these descriptions and explanations of the narcissist’s childhood trauma as justification for their behavior. More importantly, you cannot fix them, so please maintain healthy boundaries and keep your distance.” and then more info is given and i immediately thought of Stan dealing w/ Kyle and Cartman dating.

It helped me realize Stan may not be okay with Kyle and Cartman dating because Stan can see through Cartman’s bullshit, doesn’t take it, and knows when to walk away. Kyle however, has always been over involved and obsessive over Cartman’s behavior, correcting it or being the one to stop him, etc. I have no doubt that when Kyle gets caught up in his emotions then rationalizes them and says he can “handle” Cartman, Stan gets pissed off. I can see him telling Kyle it’s not a matter of “dealing” with Cartman, he points out that there’s nothing Kyle can do to change him, and getting into a relationship for the purpose of change is gonna end badly. if any transformation is to take place, Cartman has to make the decision himself— which, Stan is certain he won’t, because he’s a Narcissist. (he also says so bc Stan doesn’t see the potential Cartman has the way Kyle does, but he probably won’t disclose that jfjffj)

Stan probably won’t articulate it as well and gets caught up in his own stubbornness, maybe jealousy too since his best friend is choosing to hanging out w/ his boyfriend over him, and isn’t always available like he used to (again, Stan’s aversion to change and anxiety in losing his friendships are an undercurrent here), but he’ll at least get THAT across. Kyle won’t respond well ofc… criticism is a hot button for him and he already has a lot of doubt if liking Cartman is “the right thing” hfkfkfdh

I rly would like for Kenny then, to talk w/ Stan bc obvi Kenman bffs forever and he gets Kyle, in a sense. He sees potential in Cartman too and can slap sense into Stan, like, bro, they all have a body count, none of em are in the clear, and he does think Kyle and Cartman are good for each other… not entirely for the reason Kyle claims tho. “it’s kinda always been like this, Staniel, whether we like it or not. There was always a chance they’d become a thing, and we both know that. They won’t let anyone else get in between them, and whenever something tries to, someone ends up emotionally scarred or dead. Canada bro. Canada. So… for sanity’s sake, just let them ride this out, whatever This, is. and let’s be there for them during it, so we don’t get gray hairs early, Kay dude?”

[interdimensionalpancakes]

my pov based on ep. 8 of "queen of tears"

*spoilers below if you haven't watched up to ep. 8 of queen of tears*

*you have been warned*

crying for the fifth time this week watching this series.

I am so wrecked. Like I get both sides and how they've hurt each other, this drama has done the unexpected and I LOVE THAT.

To me, I understand hyun-woo's reasons at first, but I feel like hae-in's suffering was heavier.

Hae-In was abused by her family too, probably worse. So much to the point that she didn't feel like she deserved to live after her older brother died and even more so with her own BIOLOGICAL mother basically blamed her for her brother's death, not letting her to learn how to grieve properly. That even her own unborn child's death, she wasn't able to grieve properly telling herself to "not cry," because she felt like she didn't deserve to feel sad, is the cruelest aspect of her suffering.

Hae-In was presented as the typical, cold, rich wife. In a way, we all wanted to root for hyun-woo to divorce her, but learning about how her memories of hyun-woo are cotton candy and rose colored little moments (the umbrella, the aquariuam, the visit to his hometown, the bus stop) and how she never wanted to make him suffer broke me. In comparison, Hyun-Woo viewed her coldly in his memories, even if they were pretty happy (with the exception of the field of flowers ig).

The way she cried and reacted to learning that he wanted to divorce her was very telling. To him, it was easy, he can always start over. For her, he was an anchor. She viewed him as the companion who would never take advantage of her emotionally or over money. I don't think she was upset just about the divorce, but the fact that he pretended to love her, concealing the fact, that it made her scared to trust him. She doesn't know whether his actions are obligatory or sincere.

Granted, both sides should have communicated better. But I'd like to point out that Hae-In appreciated the small gestures, she noticed the small acts of kindess, while Hyun-Woo focused on her external facade.

Both of them are in love with each other still, it's evident, but I can't help but feel so betrayed with Hae-In over the betrayal, because imagine suppressing your sadness so you don't burden the people around you, enduring your mother's harshness/ being punished for marrying for love, learning you're dying in three months to which there is no cure and learning that the only person who you can count on to be your supporter, your husband, never loved you during your lowest moment of your life. That would break anyone's spirit tbh.

Now, I'm not going to pick a side bc we're only half way through, but this is how to feel atm.

[cinematicnomad]

Hi! Can I ask you how was Killers of the flower moon ? (No spoiler pls but just your overall opinion) I think I'll go see it but I admit that the 3h30 kind of scare me 😅

oh man, i loved it. it was SO good, and so deserving of that runtime. tbh i didn't notice it much—i subtly checked the time only once in the movie to get a sense of where we were and it was about halfway through. i didn't have to get up and go to the restroom during the film, and i only noticed like, a handful of people who did.

i highly recommend it to people, especially so that you can see lily gladstone fucking knock it out of the park—she's the heart and soul of this movie and she steals every fucking scene she's in and she breaks my heart too many times to count. de niro is fucking chilling in how he chooses to play his role, this insidious, two-faced, polite monster. dicaprio's character is just...so fucking dumb, in a way that is not hokey or over-the-top but completely 110% believable—that guy you knew in high school who didn't have a fucking single thought in his head—who clearly thinks he's a good guy bc Of Course He Is, but has just as black a soul as all the other white men in this movie—arguably even blacker, bc he tells himself he loves mollie despite all he does to her.

i think it's definitely a better movie for the decision scorsese and roth made (with the help of dicaprio) to shift the focus of the story away from the FBI and onto the actual people. i think it's valid to discuss the lens scorsese approaches this story, as a non-indigenous person, and how he clearly finds moments of sympathy for dicaprio's character. i think a person taking the movie at face value might argue that the film believes there is genuine love between dicaprio and gladstone's characters. but i think the film itself rebukes that belief, by showing how duplicitous ernest burkhart was—no matter what he thought he felt for mollie, it wasn't love. it couldn't be. not really. not after all he's done.

but i think it's okay to have complicated feelings about this movie. i think it's okay to examine those feelings, to consider those critical views, and to realize that two things can be true at the same time. that this is a very good movie does not negate the fact that a different version of this movie centered on mollie might be more emotionally devastating—just like a different version of this movie centered on the FBI as white saviors coming in to make everything Right Again™ would most likely be less interesting.

but i'm a white woman, so i'd encourage you and anyone else going to see this movie to listen to what christopher cote, the osage language consultant for the film, had to say about it and to also read what jim gray, a descendent of one of the victims, henry rohn, and the former principal chief of the osage nation, thought about the film.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

After death | Lost Gods

He looks at the skyline ahead of him, its famous shapes that tourists gape at like they’re observing a gorilla in an enclosure. It’s all grey to him, not just because of the looming storm but because the grids of buildings and lights have become boring in a way that seems fatal—this city is a dead thing on earth, he doesn’t care what anyone says. It’s all post-mortem—the blinking traffic lights, shafts of sunlight interrupted by high-rises, yellow taxis honking, honking, honking, like they’re shouting a prayer. He feels sort of like that too, caught in kitschy after death.

A little Harrison art <3 !! And an excerpt from the opening of Lost Gods!

4 years ago today I finished writing his very first solo novel, Moth Work, & I’m kind of in awe of how far we’ve come in that short time… 4 novels & 2 novellas narrated by this man who’s a little embarrassing and a whole lot profound (but you didn’t hear that from me!). A few more thoughts under the cut, but here’s a little note I made myself in 2020, the only note I’ve ever made after finishing a book (possibly because finishing this one changed my life a little).

TW for mentions of: mental illness, trauma in the mental health system, internalized homophobia

Technically I finished Moth Work at 2:34AM because I lived on the west coast at the time lol.

I don’t usually celebrate or remember the anniversaries of finishing books. But I wanted to celebrate this one because a) it’s Leap Day & I haven’t been able to commemorate what I was doing during the last one for 4 years, & b) because finishing MW was such a significant accomplishment!

I started MW in January of 2019 because I was struggling emotionally. At the time, I was racing to figure out “what was wrong with me” before flying across the country for uni in the summer (SPOILER I WAS JUST AUTISTIC LMAO), which led to a lot of stressful and traumatizing appointments with doctors. I desperately needed a book to cheer me up but a different one from my WIP at the time, especially because in 2018, I’d both discovered my voice and become really afraid of messing it up!

I also was taking a religion class at the time that was emotionally difficult for me because I felt reallyyyy alone and especially isolated in my queerness that I’d been hiding for a couple years at that point (& that I literally would not talk about at all, not even to people I trusted). When it became very clear I needed an outlet to explore my feelings (of being “unhelpable,” internalized homophobia, a general sense of aloneness/isolation) the decision of what I was going to write became pretty clear.

I’d written 3 stories in Harrison’s POV that predated MW starting in late 2018 (they were also my first explorations in third person present tense, which fun fact, I only tried in his POV because I’ve always written my notes ideas in that POV/tense combo, even when I only wrote first person!). I hadn’t written in a different POV character’s head beside’s Reeve’s since 2016, so it felt natural that the second character I felt closest to (Harrison!!!) could be a narrator. Funnily at this time Lonan was my favourite so I’m actually surprised I did not choose him but can we imagine how different things would be if I had???

I started Moth Work in my notes app (ICONIC) on January 16th 2019 at 11:37pm! The first chapter came pretty quickly, is actually quite non-linear for a bit, and was overall a lot of fun to write. I’d planned for the project to maybe be a short story or at the most a novella (does this sound familiar), nothing very long and definitely not a novel. I believe the goal word count was 5k which is so funny bc that’s exactly how Changing States & Lost Gods started!!!

And then the project stagnated, it wasn’t something I’d planned to write seriously, and I didn’t pick it back up until August of that year when my therapist at the time suggested I try to complete a “reach goal” as I was reaching Crisis and I guess I was so done with everything going on in my life that I was like okay fine!!!! I will write Moth Work as a novel!!!!

This book literally flew with me across the country… I wrote a lot of it late at night in my dorm with all the lights off after a long day on campus. I wrote a lot of it in my intro to sociology lecture LMAO. I wrote a lot of it on my phone. It was the first project (no literally) where I intentionally explored queerness, especially my own feelings as a (sort of?) catholic at the time. I explored atheism a lot! Something I needed to process my own feelings about faith & God. I explored what it’s like to be this completely unhelpable person because you’ve decided there’s no possible way to help yourself anymore (hiiii Lonan). I also explored (a bit like a premonition), what it’s like to care deeply for someone you can’t help (but that you very badly want to help).

And I almost didn’t finish the book! The imposter syndrome and insecurity went crazyyy when writing Moth Work. I didn’t feel like I was writing the First Person Retrospective Flowery Literary Fiction I’d deemed as the only possible “good writing.” (Still LOVE but I really was struggling seeing a very minor style shift, which is funnily much closer to my writing now than when I was writing the “best” way.) I deleted so much from this book. I couldn’t look at it. I was so embarrassed by it!! I made ultimatums with it!! I edited it so much but still couldn’t stand it! It was literally the safest space I had and I could barely be there a lot of the time!!!

SOOOO this is why I’m very proud of me for finishing it lol & while I would typically have celebrated the anniversary idk, in 2021, bc it didn’t exist until this year it felt apt to sit with those feelings now. I’m really proud of 17-year-old Rachel who was undiagnosed autistic & convinced I was a lost cause, who was sooo afraid of being queer I could only think of that through Lonan (& sometimes still do thx king 🫡) who literallyyyyy wrote a masterpiece in my collection that contains some of my best work (even if I only realized that 4 years later) & that’s been the start of EVERYTHING!

This is so much more than a book or an anniversary!! Somehow I made it through all the things I didn’t think were possible and now have written 2 books & 3 (writing the fourth) novellas allllll in this world. AND 2 additional novels in his POV!! Also thank you baby Rachel for Jeremiah. Like hello!!!! This is the only place I felt safe to be myself when I couldn’t be with anyone else! And there’s something priceless about that…

And it’s all bc of Harrison!!! Whoever I saw in that man in 2019… girl thank you!! Can’t explain what it’s like to grow with that character (who is sooo much more than that to me). Never would I have predicted where I am now. And IMO, that’s all thanks to him so ily fictional man in my head, this is soooo his day LOL.

& if you were here since the first MW update & made it this far… I MUST KNOW!!!!

[wilder-depths]

L could never win on his own

recently rewatched death note with the roommates cuz one of them hadn't seen it before and ended up in a bit of a debate over the second half of the show. (spoilers ahead)

essentially the sides boiled down to the fact that after a rewatch i really appreciate the second half of death note (even tho its rushed and got some holes) bc i don't think L could have beat Light. and this isnt out of hatred for L. i LOVE L. to an insane degree. my roommate did not agree with this idea of L not being able to win tho.

basically the way i see it is there's a couple things against L winning:

hes too close to the case and the criminal, to the point where he considers the perpetrator a friend

he doesnt have all the cards in hand to solve the case

Light holds all the power. all of it.

for point one you gotta understand that i believe L is a bit more emotional than Near ends up being (a different convo is the split of L's personality between Mello and Near). he's so unused to having someone next to him or on the same level that he's a bit emotionally affected (as much as he might tell himself he's not) by potentially accusing someone who is his friend. he actually says this in the show: "that is, it would be a problem if you WERE Kira, because i feel you're the first friend ive ever had". he also explicitly states that the case not going his way makes him depressed and sort of ruins his ability to do things. there are limits to how logical L is. Near ends up being able to cut himself off from emotion a bit more because he's grown up with Mello and had to compensate for Mello's extreme emotional outbursts, imo. that's strike one against L being able to effectively solve this case.

point 2: L doesnt have all the cards and he knows it. he's not playing with a full deck, whereas Light has pretty much all the cards and all the information since he's both an investigator AND the villain. this is an interesting callback to one of the first meetings of Light and L where L gives Light 3 photographs and asks him to interpret them (then later revealing there were actually 4 photographs and Light should have known). idk if this counts as irony or just dramatic irony and foreshadowing but its definitely interesting.

this lack of cards leads to L having to take risks during the investigation that are life-and-death for him, whereas for Kira, most of the risks he takes can be solved by killing someone if it goes wrong, or manipulating a shinigami into doing something for him.

point 3: because L doesnt have all the cards, and Light has all the power, he stands no chance. Light can control people in death, he's also a master manipulator who has wrapped around his finger: 1) all his classmates and community, 2) his family, specifically his father, 3) the entire task force, 4) an entire news station and a good portion of the internet, 5) a literal GOD OF DEATH. TWO OF THEM. (Rem moreso than Ryuk but Ryuk is still manipulated a few times via apples and the promise of seeing more human action). 6) the Japanese police, 7) the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, 8) the second Kira/Misa, 9) another unhinged Kira in Mikami, 10) a news anchor/woman who loves him? and later 11) basically all of Japan/the world. he can afford to take risks as his power grows. (this power and cockiness is eventually his downfall but he's held in check by the mental chess game with L.)

with all of this, L didnt stand a chance. but a lot of it was because of his unique situation and proximity to Light. Near and Mello, on the other hand, had outside distance from the case. they were wild cards that eventually ended up causing Light to break (partially because he saw too much of L in them).

so L could never win on his own. but it still took two geniuses to match his power, which i think is a testament to how cool L is as a character.

i dont think this is enough to convince my roommate but i figured i'd write it down anyway and yall can judge me

[intertexts]

now that my undersider feelings are out of the way a little bit. predictions wise I think we are leading up to a big confrontation against coil and I am VERY nervous about that. because no way in hell would he fight them himself . he's gonna send the travelers after them and i LIKE THE TRAVELERS. I desperately want 2 know more about the fucked up dynamics in that group. there's a fucking STORY there and I NEED to know the details so badly. anyway I don't want them to fight bc I like them a lot and i know if those two groups fight SOMEONE is not going to make it out alive. especially considering the fact that coil still has access to dinah AND his fucked up parallel reality power. like it's almost guaranteed he will win any sort of confrontation. or even if he loses he'll find some way to spin it in his favor. I don't LIKE him I don't TRUST him he's gonna do something fucked up!!!!!!

also irt the s9. i don't even KNOW what to think about them rn. it seems like we're in some sort of. rest period from them right now and I don't TRUST IT. i don't want to let my guard down in the slightest like i feel like they're gonna go fight coil and bonesaw is gonna be there with a fucked up flesh beast or something. they're definitely not gone forever I don't think. I'm just afraid of the possibility that they could show up AT ANY TIME AND *END THE WORLD.???* (<< which. btw. I don't know how I feel about the whole apocalypse thing yet. that feels like such an incomprehensible big problem that it doesn't even feel real. kinda thing where I'm like "oh ok whatever I'll deal with that when it gets here" so I'm not ???? SUPER afraid of that rn but I know i will be the closer it gets to happening. good lord. no idea HOW it's gonna happen either. maybe something with the endbringers idk << restringing abt the endbringers still bc we haven't heard abt them in a while and it's putting me on edge)

mac and cheese i am SO fucking excited to tell u u will get a whole travelers arc :]]]]] u will!!! learn about them!!!!!! (i don't think this counts as spoilers. its like saying u get a parian interlude eventually. u don't know when or where!) but i'm so fucking hyped for u to get to it.....

smiling placidly at ur thoughts on coil. my lips r fucking zipped!!!!! legally i cannot comment!!! "coil's gonna do something fucked up" fork found in kitchen!!!!!!! honestly i don't even hate coil in a fun mallard conway way i just want to like.... hold him by two fingers at arms length from me. but i also think he's pretty fucking cool. god. i like emotionally distant cold & calculating characters!! they make me go sickos yes ha ha yes!! he also just. i need to pulverize him with a flyswatter though. ugh. do you think taylor will succeed with dinah?

& yeah the s9 left town! ^_^ idr i didn't finish the end of that arc-- i thiiiink probably they mentioned the new member they went with? right? and also im giggling at this. oh you don't wanna let ur guard down? ur paranoid that the s9 are gonna appear out of nowhere? you're on edge about the endbringers? u feel like terrible stuff is gonna happen? immersive fiction experience. this is literally so earth betpilled of u. welcome to brockton bay!!!!!

[wetcatspellcaster]

16) someone's consent. I can't IMAGINE where we go from here, but my hope is that the girls hide her and we get a damn timeskip. How could he ever hurt her the way Cazador hurt him I'm sickened. I'm enamored. I'm counting the days to the next update like a lovesick teenager. I don't want Rose within 10000 acres of that man, but I can't wait to see their next interaction. These were snapshots! Of my many thoughts! Thank you for writing the thing!

hello anon!! I am only replying to one message (partly bc I want to avoid spoilers but also I have IRL who follow me here who would side-eye (affectionate) the quotes you use so hard lmao) but I promise I read them all and thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed (?) the chapter.

I did feel like the idea of a break-up Ascended Ending truly is the worst of both worlds bc the flip from "I'm not sure I want you to desire me sexually" to "sex is all you're good for" must be pretty fucking dire for Tav, tbh. Like you never feel like you did the right thing in the relationship at any point.

This entire study scene was a testing of boundaries, not to mention that Rose was relying very heavily on an excuse to pretend her behaviour is having no impact on herself whatsoever. Again, it was an interaction where they are operating cross-purposes, bc Astarion thinks he's winning, Rose thinks she's not emotionally invested, etc. So that's the mess I was trying to convey with *gestures at make out*, I hope I suceeded.

Rose might be like "ahahaha, i'm kissing him for good reasons, i'm a criminal mastermind" but it's also happening at the other end as well "ahaha I did all this for her but it's working so I'm not weak", which is how I justify the flip in my head - it's a regaining of control (derogatory).

“you still won't tell me where you live." was my favourite line of the entire chapter, so glad you called it out directly ;)

Astarion thinks Rose was mad at him for becoming the Ascendent. That's what he thinks that is. He thinks they just had a falling out :)))) after all, he's over it, so why wouldn't she be?

Sometimes a bite is just a bite, for the horror of it all! But everyone seems to think there's consequences so maybe I should give it some lmao

Thank you for reading and commenting via ask!! :D

[cream-and-tea]

nightmare, secret, and wound for the character(s) you think have the most interesting answers!!!

~Morri (@memento-morri-writes)

Not Nice ask game here! (all of these questions are pallasbait so i’m going to get that out of my system and answer all three for them lol)

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

pallas has a pretty messy relationship with the concept of sleeping in the same way that they have a pretty messy relationship with most Basic Human Needs, so they really only sleep when they absolutely cannot stay awake any longer. but if i’m being honest they’ve repressed everything they could have nightmares about SO hard that they don’t really have bad dreams and if they do they don’t remember them when they wake up. they do have one extended nightmare sequence in the book as i’ve planned it but that happens when they’re actively bleeding out + their entire worldview is crumbling, so it’s really a way to show the way all of their Repression Level 5000 Mental Blocks have started to break down lol

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

this is kinda hard to answer because pallas hate hate haaaaates being Perceived in any meaningful capacity, so their view of what counts as “secret” is massively skewed lol. if they had their way no one would be able to access any information about them without going through a fifty step vetting process and a blood oath binding them to never repeat any of it (which isn’t to far off from what they actually do tbh).

apart from one Super Huge Spoiler Thing i think the thing that pallas wouldn’t want ANYONE to know is that they aren’t anywhere NEAR as secure in themself/their position as everyone thinks. they put a lot of effort into coming across as Cool and Detached and Cruel, so to have anyone see past that would be absolutely devastating. because if someone could look and see how much what pallas does is eating them alive they might try to question it and bring them out of it and force them to—GOD forbid—self reflect for once. they’ll take hatred and fear over pity any day.

wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

heyyyyy character i have with the highest pain tolerance!!!! super powerful bloodflesh magic + incredibly taxing training (to put it mildly) + intense healing factor + functional immortality will do that to you!! due to uhhhhh All Of That pallas’s general response to being wounded is to walk that shit off unless it’s directly preventing them from completing their mission, which is a pretty high threshold. you know that they’re my specialist little guy because they’re constantly being battered physically mentally AND emotionally through the whole story. just put through the absolute ringer. it’s actually kind of hard to choose a worst one bc of that, but i’m gonna say that worst emotional/mental wound happened a year before the start of the book when their best friend nina Died supersuper hard and worst physical wound happens in book two when [REDACTED] [REDCATED]’s them ❤️

[nonbinarv]

ask game! <3

loop (isat) - 5, 12, 23, 25

ena (ena) - 2, 3, 4, 13

absol (pkmn) - 1, 6, 23, 24

ena

2. the basis for her design is a cool concept :o

3. does the end of temptation stairway count /hj

4. hmm. pokémon bc i have made a team for her before. she would find fun there i think. a strain of joy she recognizes

13. 🎭. yes this is just my ena tag on my kin blog but like am i wrong,

absol

1. i forgot when or how i really ended up attaching to absol in particular but like. the pokédex entries… it just wants to keep people safe but is scorned for it… it's really just the black cat of the pokémon universe and i want to hug it. also i know people call its design edgy but i consider it more majestic than anything ngl. idk i just want it to be happy

6. could use a hug

23. look at its little tail wags… its paw movements… ;w;

24. …hm not sure tbh? design-wise mayyybe joshua twewy. mega absol in particular. it's just the Vibes™

loop (under the cut for spoilers)

5. so technically there's an official playlist for them i haven't listened to yet- but the very first one that comes to mind is sundial by lemon demon thanks to this comic. since that's more of an overall siffrin song than specifically loop though (it's on my kin playlist too which has a lot of songs that overlap for obvious reasons), there's also upside down & inside out by ok go and you are getting a ramble on discord about my logic later tonight owo

12. okay okay hc time. so the thing is siffrins are not very subtle creatures right. so i think that just like odile was suspicious of the time loops before having enough info to really put the pieces together, she'd be suspicious as all hell of loop in a post-canon scenario where they join the family. while they'd still keep their façade up there'd be all these little things that she can and would notice. especially considering her own guilt that she expresses in act 6 for not pushing more to find out what was wrong she would confront them so quickly about it and they would not react well because in addition to pineapples siffrins are also extremely allergic to being vulnerable. also this odile may be a near perfect copy but not quite, not theirs, a complete stranger wearing her face- loop wouldn't go full act 5 but they'd definitely ramp up their playful exterior out of desperation and flee.

odile ends up the first to know (besides siffrin of course) after siffrin is 👀 at them and loop has to experience the other side of self to self therapy momence. self-recognition through the other (derogatory but necessary bc if siffrin has to start opening up to the others then so does loop it's not fair for only one siffrin to). maybe going the 'if you got to tell them about my time loops i get to tell them about this if you don't' type thing but not in like a manipulative or getting back at them way more a 'i know you'll never actually say it otherwise but you do have to come clean eventually' thing if that makes sense. bc how are they supposed to start healing from it if they won't even admit it

she takes it surprisingly well; she'd only push to a certain point (not as necessary to like with siffrin and his wish, the universe isn't breaking over it) and let loop know that while she may not be their odile they're still a part of the family all the same and that she's there for them too not just siffrin. may ramble more @ you later on discord about how i perceive loop's relationships with the rest of the group bc this question has me rotating them in my mind

23. not a favorite emotionally bc they deserve better but also ough. the moment of their old appearance shining through before the battle. and this pic when they talk about their second wish, stuck in it for so long that they just break and want someone to help them, for it all to stop… it's gonna kill me when i get their act 6 stuff. it's the emotional impact of it

25. initially an absolute bastard. not quite hatred but also damn "have you tried not dying?" fuck that y'know. they're still very much bastard but now it's like. i get it sdgfkjhl i can't say anything really. i want to give them a hug because they're just as touch-starved if not even more so. old friend start again siffrin continuing to go through hell, again of their own making…

[strangermarvelss]

Really liked the latest chapter and the space it gave to let the previous chapter’s events percolate. But I’m going to go with an unpopular opinion (lol I think). I like Steve, he is obviously sweet, but I actually don’t want him to be the one she ends up with. For one, he’s a friend of the couple and it just seems too easy and a little cliché maybe. That this hot dude’s waiting in the background to swoop in and fix everything. Two, this is a me issue but I might have read things wrong and assumed this would ultimately be an Eddie x reader fic (not Steve x reader) and while I like Steve and I’m okay with them hooking up, I hope the action goes back to Eddie and that Steve remains a secondary character. But that is just my hope and what I assumed, obviously if that’s not how it’s going to go that’s absolutely fine, I’m just thinking ahead of how to prepare myself if it ends with pure angst with Eddie instead of fluff with him bc that’s not what I expected and I don’t want to be bummed out. I know that sounds dumb, it’s just a work of fiction, but it stays in my mind.

Third, people fuck up all the time. Constantly. We fuck up and it hurts people we love. I think the first instinct is to walk away and never forgive but irl that’s not always how it goes. Sometimes the person you love does something stupid that hurts but they are truly sorry and change and put in the work and you find it in your heart to forgive and not lose that love because it’s stronger than all the other stuff, and there’s history and time and growth together. I’m not talking about abuse or repeat manipulation. But I do think men making stupid immature decisions is common, even if they are ’“nice” guys who mean well. I think if they can turn it around and make it up to the person they hurt, it can move forward. I mean, personally it would take A LOT for me to try to work things out with Eddie. I would need grand gestures and groveling at my feet, sobbing, pleading, signing up for marriage counseling for as long as I decide and putting in the work, really showing up and being the best dad and husband he can be, you would need to see the effort every fucking day. I would need to hear and feel that I’m the only person he loves and wants every day, because I’d be insecure and would need to repair that. I’d need all of that in writing with an ultimatum that if he falls off the wagon, I’m out and seeking custody of our kid. And if he really loved me and wanted us back above all, he’d do all of that and more happily. If I loved someone deeply and thought we were soulmates and really felt their remorse and intent to make things better, I might leave that door open and see if they could make it up to me and our family. Anyways that’s my pov, that while he did something terrible and stupid, he might have a chance to save things if she’s willing to give it.

i think the way you worded this was quite nice and kind of summarizes my feelings on the series as a whole. i don't think you're in the minority when it comes to people not wanting steve and reader to get together, i think its maybe 50/50 but i'm also not counting lol.

i agree that men do stupid shit all the time and sometimes it works out in their favor and they get back together and have stuff happen. my cousin cheated on his wife a while ago, and today they're still together and seem very happy with one another, so things can change if the effort is put in. not saying i condone cheating or anything, thats just fucked. but you get what i mean.

eddie would have to put in a lot of effort to be able to bounce back from his actions, seeing as reader is still emotionally scarred from the confession and their child is...well, you'll see in the next chapter what christopher is up to. i know how it's all going to play out, so i'm not going to give spoilers, so i'll just leave it here: we will just have to see what happens. reader could end up with no one too, just deciding to chose herself and happiness. who knows :)