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#cruel heaven
cruel-heaven · 9 months
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carma-tjol · 3 months
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Show me your worst. I love it all the same.
As long as it's me. As long as it's you.
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sexynbgfpollhost · 1 month
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I have a thing for immortal couples:
(aziracrow, shadowpeach, bubbline, hualian)
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(Particularly gay ones lol)
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love how, when Charlie goes to heaven, and the court tries to decide what can get a soul into heaven, one of the criteria is "stick it to the man"
then Adam shows up in hell and announces himself as THE Man™, literally. and Sir Pentious gets into heaven by, well, sticking it to him XD
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mag200 · 1 year
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you guys are crazy btw for moving on so fast from hearing cruel summer live like. she literally played it we have been waiting for this since 2019.
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bookstufflala · 9 months
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My hand hurts but:
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jayktoralldaylong · 5 months
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Daily life of a TGCF fan.
Crying yourself to sleep cause there's no one to love you the way Hua Cheng loves Xie Lian.
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khruschevshoe · 3 months
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The Beast Below & Kill The Moon as Foils
The interesting thing to me about The Beast Below and Kill the Moon as episodes is that they operate on a very similar concept: there is a living (very BIG) thing that functions as the only thing that keeps large swathes of humanity safe/alive and they both end with a bit of a cop-out where that Thing stays right where it is but how the themes of those episodes are WILDLY different based on how the Doctor&Companiok interactions play out.
The Beast Below is an exploration of how the Doctor does what is necessary, what he thinks is right and kindest to the most number of people, but that sometimes he is wrong, incredibly wrong, and that it is very essential for him to listen to his companions, to give them a choice, and also that at the end of the day, the Doctor is the Star Whale, he is lonely and pained and kind, that this is the ethos of the show: the Doctor is kind but he really needs to be stopped and reminded of it sometimes (really great parallels with the end of the Runaway Bride/Fires of Pompeii, in a way).
But Kill the Moon is all about how the Doctor is right. How he will always be right. That he knows better than his companions, that he always holds all the cards, that he is cruel to teenage girls and tells them they're not special and knew all along what was going to happen but didn't tell his companion just to see what she would do, but her decision didn't matter at the end of the day, not to him, not to the problem at hand, because the Doctor knows everything and is right and God, disregarding the other major problems with this episode it just leaves a sour taste in my mouth in comparison to the Beast Below. That in this episode, the Doctor is not a god that needs to be reminded of his humanity but a god that is cruel and all-knowing and somehow right in that. I've talked about how the Beast Below embodies the ethos of Doctor Who to me; Kill the Moon, at least in how the Doctor acts, feels like the opposite.
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sleep-nurse · 2 months
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i love how i believe im an angel who got their wings taken but then i also think im a beast made to destroy. therefore that means if i got my wings taken i got pissed at the world and became beast
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moonah-rose · 4 months
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Imagine if it turns out that being Sucked Off isn't what we think it is. There is no Next Afterlife that they go to.
What if it's like the Door in the ending of the Good Place and you just...disappear? Your spirit just evaporates and goes back to being part of the Universe? Existentially meaningful, sure, but a death to all those headcanons picturing Mary and Annie happily reunited and so on.
I think I would hate it.
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haunt3dtaylorsversion · 9 months
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You know that I bought it
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cruel-heaven · 2 years
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"Mindenki lehullott, mint a falevelek. Lehet másnak nem volt fájdalmas, azt gondoltam, rám fogsz taposni, de végül én tapostam magamra."
- Virágok, amik a múltban nőttek, Cruel Heaven
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sleepyplantperson · 3 months
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Shi Wudu's relationship with Pei Ming in No Paths Are Bound, is so Cruel Summer that it's crazy
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yu-huuuu · 1 year
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Genin Sasuke, Neji, Sakura, Naruto, Rock Lee, have a passion by the reader and discover the reader is an Uchiha
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[ 🌸 ] i was listening to lana del rey while i was writing this, maybe that's why it's so confusing and distressing... mmmhh
characters: sasuke uchiha;; neji hyuga;; sakura haruno;; naruto uzumaki;; rock lee;; some character mentions? 
genre: bad romantic comedy with possible melancholy in the middle- in short angst and fluff
warnings: fem!reader, possible lesbian relationship?, possible endings with an open ending for a sequel that might never come... by the way- endings without a certain ending is a warning?
- - -
𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀: 𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦?
- - -
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. - . - .
━━━◌⁺˚༺context༻˚⁺◌━━━
-okay
-let's imagine this:
-let's say your mother was an uchiha and she left konoha long before the massacre happened.
-Meet your father fall in love blah blah blah
-so years later your mother dies due to a terminal illness, leaving you alone with your father, who already knows that your mother was an uchiha and consequently knows that you are half-uchiha.
-Leaving that side already covered we can continue!
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. - . - .
sasuke uchiha
-He was on a two-month mission with his team
-And trying to get away from the world (also from his team) he goes to the forest to walk
-That's when he sees you
-You, being so beautiful and oblivious to the world around you, are making a pretty flower crown.
-At first, Sasuke is surprised by how black your hair is. If the uchihas hadn't been slaughtered, he would easily think you're an uchiha, but that would be impossible.
-He didn't even notice when you noticed his presence
-You only thought it was weird, but, you tried not to judge.
-Being the wonderful person that you are, you started a small conversation with him.
-Sasuke thought you just wanted to flirt with him, which luckily for him didn't happen.
-So he agreed to talk to you
-For Sasuke time was passing slowly, but when he saw the sky again he realized that; the sky that was once brilliant blue was orange announcing sunset.
-With a goodbye, both promised to see each other another day
-He enjoyed your company, he hadn't had a good talk with someone for a long time, pfff-
-and the frequent meetings in the forest began
-sasuke would tell you about this annoying boy/rival/companion for him, sometimes he would tell you about this weird or annoying girl and sometimes when he looked somewhat frustrated he would talk about his teacher/sensei who always read that strange book.
-you started enjoying his nonsense talk, and god you never interrupted him
-because gosh, it cost him to open up to you like this
-until one day you did not arrive at the meeting place
-another week passed
-simply, you had not arrived at the usual meeting place because a relative of yours somewhat distant, but that you loved very much had arrived in the village, so you had not had time to meet with your new mysterious friend
-Anyway
-When your distant relative left you went to the forest again, and you saw him again, this time he seemed to be looking for something with his eyes until he saw you and approached you
"Why didn't you come earlier? I thought something happened to you"
-eh?
-Was he looking for you...?, oh my- he was looking for you!
"a-ah- sorry"
-it was really fun talking to him, you noticed
-you knew him for such a short time, but it seemed like you knew him for a long time
-as if you already knew him before, maybe in another life?
-and guess what~ young crush!
-you are like fools you know?-but you are fools in love!
-yes, sasuke fell in love with you too- but he's in denial, can you believe it?
-anyway
-sasuke accompanies you to your house one night, there was only a week left before he left and returned to his village.
-but he wants to spend as much time as he can with you
-Also, he wants to see if he can take you and your family with him, because God forbid- he loves you and doesn't want to let you go anymore.
-You also know that soon he will go to his town, and it is very likely that you two will never see each other again. Which only makes you happy, as you can't bear to look him in the eye without being able to tell him the truth.
-You had noticed it the first time you saw the back of his T-shirt. The uchiha symbol. The bitter feeling of seeing the last survivor of a massacre was present, it was also the knowledge that you couldn't fall in love or get attached to him. You, you just couldn't do it, you knew how dangerous it would be if someone knew, what they would do to you if someone knew, the danger that everyone close to you would be in
-but, despite that, you had failed miserably. you had fallen in love with him.
-And that's how on that same night you two realize that you don't want to let go.
"Y/N"
You turned to see him confused, they were both practically in front of your house inadvertently you two got closer, until your faces were close
It was like a gentle touch.
Almost like two lovers who meet again after a long time without seeing each other.
Sasuke was the first to speak. you could see everything in those dark young eyes of his, the fear of ruining the silent but so beautiful moment that both of you were having was big “do you think- we'll meet again?”
Fearing to ruin the moment as well, You lied, because you knew that if you told the truth it would break you and you would break him, “yes, I think so. and you?"
“I think the same…”
The little kiss that followed made you feel like you were floating in heaven.
Really magical, like a fairy tale- a fairy tale that would end very badly sooner or later.
And at first, it all felt like a silly, young crush to you. But, now everything felt so real to the point where you didn't know what to do anymore. And when the two of you pulled away to breathe, you wished it was all a bad dream, but you knew it was all real and there was no going back.
Perhaps, the most surprising thing was that you were accepting it... gosh, you were accepting these feelings despite the danger that would come when the truth came out! You really were insane.
The small moment was cut short with Sasuke's gasp of surprise.
you didn't realize.
you didn't even notice.
but due to the strong emotions you were feeling right now- you had awakened the famous sharingan.
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. - . - .
neji hyuga
-proud boy
-like my pretty boy from up
-hahahha~
-He thinks that with his Byakugan he can discover all the secrets that people hide
-but
-The only problem he couldn't solve was you.
-there was something in you from the first time he saw you entering the gates of konoha
-you were hiding something in yourself
-but he always wondered what your secret was
-in secret he considers you the great mystery of the world
-guess who was the first of you two to approach, lmao
-honestly, his arrival took you by surprise
-Like, you were in this famous ramen restaurant when this rather attractive boy with pale eyes approaches you. At first, you thought he was blind but shhh don't tell him
-You think he's lost, but no!
-he just asks your name, then he makes a strange comment and then he leaves, and you're like: “🧍🏻‍♀️???- mmh 'kay, see u”
-yes, that was what happen lmao
-anyway
-both of you meet again a few days later
-To this day, Neji continues to ensure that he only passed by the ramen restaurant by coincidence. Liar was just passing by because he wanted to see if he could see you again.
-when you see him, you call him to eat together- You don't know why, but you feel that he needs some company and maybe just to chat, maybe because you always see him bitter?
-You don't know it, but it doesn't matter because he's getting closer to you. Suddenly, you two start such a lovely and warm conversation.
-well- you talk and he just listens, which is great because you're sharing the best gossip anyone could ever hear.
-neji won't admit it and never will, but he secretly loves gossip. don't tell him that I told you
-after that pleasant meeting and let the days go by, both meet again. strangely not in the ramen restaurant
-you met in the small library that is always empty after five in the afternoon
-he was going for a taijutsu book, and you were just going to read something interesting, maybe a great series of your favorite genre?
-neji being the cocky kid that he is, questions you about your reading
-and you, being the person you are, you start a good argument about why the genre you read is so great and why he should read it.
-which he strangely agrees, maybe you did a good job making that argument?
-You recommend the first fiction book you read and he with a pout grabbed it.
-Surprisingly, you and neji see each other again after four days, and this time to your surprise he already finished the book
-and with a small blush, he asks you to recommend another book. The blush is because he is embarrassed that he liked the book you recommended, lmao
-you access, practically visits to the library become common
-sometimes you just eat together in the small ramen restaurant, other times you just walk and talk, sometimes he accompanies you to the house where you stay, and in a cute way, he waits patiently with his hands in his pants until you come in and close the door. And sometimes you both just read together like nerds.
-neji finds out that you are just visiting Konoha and that you will be leaving soon
-his stomach falls
-he feels cold, is this fear?
-no, no, it can't be
-neji hyuga afraid? Is this a joke?
-but as the days go by, he feels worse
-the idea of perhaps not seeing you anymore, of not hearing you anymore, torments him
-He doesn't want to let you go, but maybe if he manages to convince you... you'll stay, right?
-so two days before you leave he's going to look for you
-stars twinkle in the sky when he softly hits your window
-You, clearly sleepy, open the window while you rub one of your eyes sleepily.
"neji?" you asked surprised to see him outside your window "what are you doing here?"
For a moment he couldn't answer, he realized that he had come without any words to begin with. He had to form a good argument to make you stay.
He had to-
"neji?"
"I do not want you to go…"
"wh-what?"
There was no turning back. Taking a deep breath and taking something of value as well, he spoke, "I love you, and I don't want you to go."
You remained silent, it was something to be expected, what Neji did not expect was that the small tears began to fall from your beautiful eyes.
"I can't-"
huh?, couldn't you…-stay?, or couldn't you return his feelings?
"what?"
"-I..." you had also taken a deep exhalation, perhaps- were you afraid?
"Neji, I love you too, I really do, but- I can't stay". Oh, you were hugging him, “I really love you neji. But there's something I haven't told you before, and I'm afraid of what might happen if I tell you…-"
Was… Was this about your secret? "-It doesn't matter"
"eh?"
This time he hugged you, "It doesn't matter, whatever ails you, I'll protect you from it."
From Neji's point of view, it was just him wanting to help the person he fell in love with. But, from your point of view, he did not understand the magnitude of your problem.
“Y/N?”
The blood of the Uchihas ran through your veins, just- what had you gotten yourself into?
"Neji, listen i-"
You watched as his beautiful white eyes stared back at you curiously. And you knew it... This was going to be a long night. The problem is, if you could really tell him the truth, could you or would you run like you always did?
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. - . - .
sakura haruno
-she didn't know what to think the first time she met you
-jealous for how pretty you looked? Or admiration?
-perhaps both sensations were mixed together
-or maybe not, it doesn't matter
-Her reasoning is that as long as you don't take an interest in Sasuke everything is fine lmao
-That is, until you approach her to talk to her
-sakura is on a mission of several months with her team
-She had only gone for a walk, she didn't know the town that well
-and apparently neither do you, because you were asking her if she knew where such a library was
-Eventually she accompanies you
-she swears her heart isn't beating like crazy. Liar
-When both of you arrive, and you thank her, sakura could agree that this time her heart was beating like crazy… but only once
-anyway
-the next time you both meet is in the park
-she's just admiring the flowers when you suddenly arrive, shouting her name as you run towards her
-She might have thought you were crazy, but no!
-you were just happy to meet again with someone as great as her
-you two talk more than the last time they met
-The Flowers that surrounded both of you had not fully bloomed yet, they were still pretty buds
-as the days passed sakura changed, just like the flowers did too
-and as the days passed, the flowers had bloomed just like sakura had done emotionally
-little by little you made her see that she was someone beautiful not ugly, you helped her to love every part of herself instead of expecting the boy she thought she was in love with to love her
-She was realizing that the feelings she felt towards Sasuke were fading
-and all those feelings were going to you.
-But the fear appeared, were these feelings wrong?
-Was it wrong to love someone of your same-sex?
-But, despite the fear that just thinking about what could happen if you found out about her feelings caused her- Sakura knew that you would never hurt her.
-because when she was with you, she felt like she could do anything and still be vulnerable.
-felt like she could be herself, not pretend to be someone else.
-without knowing it, you also feel the same for her.
-One day Sakura finally steels herself to confess to you.
-the sun had begun to hide when sakura stops you from leaving
“Y/N… I have something to tell you”
"Hmm?"
"I...-" she still had doubts if these feelings were okay to have, Sakura felt her heart tremble, but, despite being afraid she wanted to bring these feelings out, "I- I think I love you"
For your part, you didn't know what to say.
What?- what could you say to her, what could you do?
The blood of an almost extinct clan was in your veins, what are you supposed to do now?
If you decide to stay with her… you could put her in danger. If you feign disgust towards her, will she ever forgive you? Will you ever forgive yourself?
“Y/N?”
"I…"
Could you tell her the truth you were trying so desperately to hide from the world?
"I have something to tell you…"
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. - . - .
naruto uzumaki
-my pretty hyperactive boy
-I love him <3
-it's like a little sun, lmao
-anyway
-you were visiting the town where your mother grew up
-when you feel hungry and decide to find something to eat
-While walking, you come across this ramen restaurant and decide to enter
-it was not a bad idea to enter this place
-the design of the restaurant looked great -you sit while you wait for your food
-You're just sitting thinking about which part of town to visit
-when this super loud blonde boy walks in
-sits next to you and orders a colossal bowl of ramen with lots of pieces of pork
-You think that after ordering his food he would remain silent- you underestimated him
-He turns to you and starts talking to you.
-you can't help but talk too
-Eventually, your food arrives and you start eating
-Perhaps the funny thing is that while you two eat, you don't stop talking
-but it's so nice
-You haven't had a good conversation since you came to this town
-you definitely needed it
-anyway
-both separate to go home, but not before saying your names
-some days go by where you don't know anything about each other
-somehow strange, you can't stop thinking about the guy from the restaurant
-so hoping to see him again, you return to the ramen restaurant
-To your surprise you see him sitting there in one of the chairs, he looked a little pensive, which seemed strange for someone like him. But, when he saw you, like magic, his little eyes came alive again and a big smile appeared on his face.
-somehow that encourages you even more to sit next to him, thus starting another conversation that you could swear could last hours
-It felt good, you noticed. Talk to someone other than your father
-the days passed the somewhat frequent visits to the restaurant were the highlight of your week
- little by little the meetings also began to be in random places
-sometimes both of you would walk for hours aimlessly, you guys got lost once in the woods 💀 lmao
-Eventually, the “big day” came
-in which you would visit the uchiha compound
-the place where your family was massacred- well, your mother's family
-in the back of your mind you were grateful that your mother died a few years before the massacre occurred, you were sure that although she was on bad terms with her clan, deep in her heart she still loved and appreciated them
-It was strange, being in a place that was once your mother's home and that of other people, people who no longer existed.
-A voice distracted you. Aa- someone was asking you your reason for being in this place.
-you turned to see the person with the mysterious voice -was a man with gray hair
“Will you tell me why you are here?”
"Aa... sorry-" were you going to tell him the truth that you were hiding since the day you found out?- no, it was a bad idea. If you did, you would put yourself and your father in danger.
You chose to lie.
Looking ahead, at the abandoned houses, you spoke, "someone important to me used to live here..."
The man looked at you with sympathy now, you turned to him and asked "and you?"
He looked grim now, almost sad, but the mask did well to hide his face from you. Something that did not happen with Naruto, he was like an open book "a friend lived here before and-" it seemed that he was taking a breath or strength to speak "a student of mine too"
You didn't know how to ask the following, “your student and friend – did they die?”
"My student doesn't… but, I hope to save him-, since I couldn't do it with my friend"
With that, the mystery man left. The green vest and the badge with the village logo told you that he was a ninja, he was a grown man. And surely, with so much death and blood on his hands, you felt sorry for him.
You realized how short life was and how miserable you would be if Naruto disappeared from your life. You plucked up your courage. Perhaps you would be brave enough to tell him that you loved him, and perhaps you would be braver in the future to tell him about the blood that ran through your veins.
Running through the dark streets of the city, you visualized it.
You were about to get to him when you saw him hugging a pink haired girl. You froze, Naruto, did he love someone?
Gosh, what were you supposed to do now?
Run? Or wait until they finished hugging, so you could tell him how you felt?
No, you couldn't tell him you loved him if he loved someone else. Your poor heart wouldn't take it.
The most feasible thing would be to run, return to your father's arms.
But, if only you had stayed longer. If you had only listened to the promises they both had made, you would have realized that Naruto was only promising the girl in his arms that he would do his best to bring back her lover.
And perhaps if you had noticed the discreet glances he gave you sometimes, you would have realized his feelings for you and the truth that had already been discovered by the demon inside of him.
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. - . - .
rock lee
-my pretty boy
-would be a good boyfriend lmao
-anyway
-he met you while on his way to one of the training parks
-it was about five in the morning and the sun had not even started to rise
-but god… -you looked so beautiful under the moonlight
-he didn't know how to talk to you and he got nervous
-I didn't know whether to start a conversation with you with a "good morning!" or "the sky is beautiful this morning!"
-and he was so nervous, he said: "morning beautiful!"
-You turned to look at him, confused.
-and for once in his life, poor rock lee wanted the ground to swallow him up
-but that would be impossible lmao!
-anyway
-you laugh, you're laughing!
-you are not walking away from him while saying “weird” or something hurtful
-but while you're laughing he notices that your cheeks are a little stained
-As… if you had been crying
-although that would be impossible, it means- you look so happy now
-but despite wanting to know the reason for your tears, he doesn't ask
-still he asks your name
-and he gives you his name in an extravagant way so you won't forget it
-not that you can do it
-but unfortunately you have to go
-you have things to do -like sleeping, for example
-you say goodbye and go
-he doesn't see you again until a week later
-rock lee was thinking about you, when he sees you entering a restaurant
-happy to see you again, says goodbye to his teammates
-and left before they could properly say goodbye to him 💀
-You are barely sitting at one of the local tables when he abruptly enters the door
-asks if he can sit with you, to which you agree
-surprisingly start a good conversation
-even while both eat, the good vibes do not go out
-a few days later he invites you to watch him train, to which you agreed
-it was amazing
-you had never seen a shinobi up close training
-Although your mother's family was a clan of shinobis, you never had any interest in being one.
-It was one of those days when you asked him: “what does it feel like to be a shinobi?”
-to which he replied: “it's like living great. You always have to protect and fight for your teammates, and loved ones."
-it was not the answer you expected, but you appreciated it anyway
-Is that what the people of your mother's clan thought? Protecting and fighting for your friends and loved ones?
-even though those thoughts confused you, you accepted them, maybe in the future you would understand
-the "dates" (as rock lee called them in his mind), had become frequent
-You got to know him better, and he got to know you
-it was just a bit chaotic when you guys were together
-but you enjoyed it somehow
-he was someone fun to be with
-he even once asked you to be his girlfriend
-you wanted to laugh at how sincere he was, but you didn't
-little by little, small romantic feelings were emerging from you
-and those who were in rock lee just be stepping up even more
-one day he wants to declare to you
-without his knowledge, you also want to do it
-but, the fear begins to consume you
-And if something happens to Rock Lee, knowing that the blood of an entire clan was almost extinct ran through your veins?
-but... if you were honest you were a little tired of continuing to hide who you were
-You knew it was a bit silly to want to confess to at least someone of your origins.
-wanting someone to know the truth besides your father
-But, you knew that Rock Lee wouldn't tell anyone.
-you trusted him
The sun was at its highest
You could see the blue sky with clouds that looked like big fluffy cotton balls. Rock Lee had finished his afternoon exercises and was drinking water. You secretly wondered if it would be a good idea to tell him the truth.
Maybe, just maybe, this will stay between the two of you, right?
"Rock Lee?". You would, you would trust him. Just like your mother trusted your father a long time ago.
He had stopped drinking water to turn to look at you, "Mmm?"
"I…"
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If demons can't spell... what is written on all the papers in hell?
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princessofxianle · 1 year
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Hey remember this post???
I wanna hold on tighter thats just the way I'm wired: Chapter 1
🏹Feng Xin/reader🏹
🔞MDNI | 2.8k | fluff & eventual smut | read on ao3 | No one fucking look at me
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Summary:
“Tell me everything,” he pleaded. There had never been an intimidating aura in his gaze, but his reaction to the boldness of his own words seemed to startle himself into fearing he might’ve been too forward, “Please.”
You did not answer in words. With him, you knew you didn’t need to.
You just took a step forward.
Your unfocused gaze locked forward in line with the chest of the taller man, your free arm reaching toward him, your mind screaming for your body to be embraced.
And embrace you he would. Whenever you so much as whispered for it.
or
Sometimes Feng Xin is just the only person you want to see after a long day. Luckily he really can't get enough of you.
...
You fumbled with your keys while standing outside your own apartment door. The exhaustion from your day had caught up with you as you struggled to even open the deadbolt on the door.
Eventually you made your way inside. Your apartment was simple but comforting. A wood wick candle was lit on the counter. The scent of juniper and spruce washed over you. It wrapped you in its scented tendrils, and heavily filled your lungs like a weighted blanket. A good weight. A secure weight.
And then your gaze landed on the person lounging on the couch. He hadn’t turned around yet to acknowledge your arrival, so you caught a glimpse of his profile. The sunlight leaking through the curtains caught the tips of his eyelashes and shimmered as he looked up and turned to welcome you home.
His eyes seemed to smile more than his lips as he greeted you.
His singular dimple appeared deeply on his left cheek. He didn’t have one on the right. And the shadow of that dimple made his face soft and perfect. You wanted to poke that little spot on his cheek.
Usually, it would make him laugh. To you that was a sound more beautiful than music. And then he would playfully tell you that you were silly for finding something so mundane still so adorable.
Then, when you would blush out of embarrassment for being called out, and he’d break out into an even stronger fit of laughter.
The skin between his thick eyebrows would crease above the bridge of a strong nose, nostrils subtly flaring with every gasp of breath between laughs. His eyes would smile upside down and close so tightly that small beads of tears would squeeze their way to the outer corners of his eyes like a single drop of morning dew on a small branch of apple blossoms.
Sometimes you would gently wipe away those happy tears with the soft pad of your thumb. But he would catch your hand instead, and kiss your palm, never breaking eye contact, and pulling you in with his gaze alone, like the attraction between two opposite poles.
It wasn’t a daunting gaze. It was magnetic. You couldn’t help but be drawn toward him. He was the direction in which the compass of your heart pointed. The North to your South. With one you must always have the other.
And then he’d smile.
Just like he was now.
The flex of his mild and strong jawline complimented his upturned lips.
The cut of his jaw wasn’t sharp like a knife. But rather bold like the rounded end of a stone hammer. Weathered and experienced. But far from showing any sign of decay.
His cheeks blushed as they swelled above his smile, plumping his prominent and round cheekbones. It was just like how he’d smile after kissing your hand. Except this time without the brief playful flick of a pink tongue peeking out at the corner of his lips.
Right now, there was no playful smirk.
Right now, Feng Xin just turned and smiled at you in the most genuine way a man ever could.
The most genuine way a god ever could.
Suddenly the sunlight streaming in from outside through the curtains was blocked by a cloud, and the two golden brown eyes that were smiling at you widened in cautious surprise, before he spoke.
“Meimei…” his voice trailed off, rumbling soft and low. Like the distant roll of thunder in the minutes before a storm threatened to pass over, warning the birds that something was wrong.
You were drawn from your wide-eyed and exhaustion driven trance at the sudden change in his expression. It was subtle. Only you would notice the slight tension in his jaw. You could feel the faint grind of his teeth in his mouth as he gnawed on the inside of his cheek. Something he only did when he was concerned.
He never really was able to hide that feeling very well.
Worry.
It was written everywhere across his facial features. The tightness of his jaw, to the wrinkle above his nose, to the darkness of his eyes.
Brown eyes so dark you were lost in them for a moment.
Yet before falling into them, you retracted the reach of your gaze from the man on the couch and shot it down toward the floor, keeping your eyes hidden under suddenly lowered lashes.
He noticed immediately.
You closed the door and wordlessly walked to put your things away, intentionally preventing your gaze from crossing his. After your key had finally been put away, a hand reached into your line of sight.
Not touching just…
Offering.
You had no choice but to look at him now. Frankly, you didn’t even know why you were acting this way. The person you loved most stood steps away from you. The calming touch of his skin mere inches from your own.
The intensity shown in his eyes wasn’t aggressive or even determined. It was soft. Welcoming. As if he had you tethered by an elastic band.
But, driven by habit, you resisted. Distance increasing but tension rising. You felt the space between you tighten. But when you had stretched the elastic band to its maximum, you could not fight the unbearable force it had on you anymore.
And you let go.
Everything you had been keeping tightly sealed away broke through the vault in your mind and flooded your heart.
Your eyes watered. Subtly. Enough that a fine glimmering line along your bottom lashes obstructed your vision, but no tears fell from them.
The hand he had extended toward you did not bother to stop or delay any more once he saw your face change in that moment.
The fingers of his left hand traced down from your temple and a thumb landed on your cheek. His right traced along your arm, fingers lightly grazing your skin in question.
You leaned a little toward the sensation involuntarily in answer. The warm palm of his hand made full contact and sparked on your skin at the touch. Like the clack of two magnets.
The hand on your cheek wandered until his thumb reached your lower lashes. He slowly ran the outer pad of his thumb across your damp lashes. At the wet feeling on his sensitive fingers, a faint hitch of breath stumbled from his diaphragm.
“Tell me everything,” he pleaded. There had never been an intimidating aura in his gaze, but his reaction to the boldness of his own words seemed to startle himself into fearing he might’ve been too forward, “Please.”
You did not answer in words. With him, you knew you didn’t need to.
You just took a step forward.
Your unfocused gaze locked forward in line with the chest of the taller man, your free arm reaching toward him, your mind screaming for your body to be embraced.
And embrace you he would. Whenever you so much as whispered for it.
The inaudible scream laced in the desperate reach of your arm was too heart wrenching for him to even attempt to ignore.
Swiftly his position shifted, and he swept you up into his arms, one arm supporting your knees, and the other hugging your shoulders. He nestled his face into the crook of your neck to breathe deeply, calming himself in the familiar scent of your perfume.
“What do you need?” he murmured into your neck. His voice cracked at those words, as if he couldn’t decide whether or not anything louder than a whisper would startle you. His voice was soaked in helplessness, even if it was the person in his arms, you, who was the source of that helpless feeling.
You really didn’t know how to respond to his question.
You lifted your head off him prompting him to lift his as well. You felt an expression appear on your face, and by his reaction it was likely a complicated one. He looked back at you wearing a half smile, softly upturned eyebrows, and glossy caramel milk chocolate eyes.
The concern in his gaze threatened to melt you. Yet still, your pride got the better of you. Even if you were being embarrassingly held in his arms, you convinced yourself you would remain solid.
But you leaned forward anyway. And understanding, he did the same.
Your foreheads met, like you wanted to communicate your unspoken words directly into his mind without the need for hard-to-find and difficult words.
The touch was a gentle reminder of his closeness to you and your trust in him.
For the moment, he held you there, in his arms, breathing.
He waited for your breathing to calm. Initially short and shallow, your breaths slowed and evened out as your body recognized you were safe.
You didn’t realize how much more relaxed you had become until you felt the deep rumble of a suppressed laugh against your face.
Your eyes had fallen closed, and you had subconsciously drawn closer to him, one breath away from your nose grazing his own. If you had done it on purpose, it almost would’ve been a taunt. But he laughed, knowing this wasn’t the case.
“Come with me.” He teased, you felt his breath against your lips, the touch of them however ghosting you entirely.
The phrase implied a question, but he had no intention of actually letting you go.
And you had no intention of leaving.
So, you let him carry you.
He turned his head in the direction of the couch. The warmth of his face left yours feeling cold when he turned away and as he started carrying you. He held you tight as he sat you down with him, placing you sideways in his lap and protecting your head as if he was holding a precious newborn.
Upon feeling the side of the couch at your back, the distance between you and him became unbearable, despite still being in his arms. You leaned toward him and adjusted yourself to wrap your arms under his shoulders and around his chest. Your cheek rested against his sternum.
You wanted to feel the thump of his heartbeat and steady cadence of his breathing. Wanted to take those rhythms and place them within your heart. Unfortunately, this was only the closest you could get.
He responded in kind, wrapping his own arms around you. His grasp was strong. Grounding. Not tight or restrictive. One arm crossing and protecting your back while the other held the back of your head.
You felt so very safe.
You had never felt so safe.
Feng Xin was the one person who could make you feel…
Safe.
He squeezed you against his chest. You squeezed back. It had been such a long day. Just holding onto the man in your arms comforted a place in your soul that had been feeling tension and discomfort for so long.
In response to your strengthened hug, he started gently running his fingers along your back, starting at the vertebrae below your neck and dragging a light touch in circles around each segment of your spine. One, two, three circles with his fingers before he’d move on to the next section and start the circles again.
You shuddered the moment his fingertips reached squarely between your shoulder blades, flexing them together and burying your face deeper into his chest with your eyes shut tight. He promptly removed his fingertips and replaced the teasing ticklish touch of his finger circles with a flat firm hand gently massaging the drawn muscles in your back, gingerly untying the knot in between your shoulder blades until they loosened again.
When you finally relaxed, you realized even being held like this, even intertwined like this, was still not close enough.
Your hands fell to fidget with the bottom hem of his shirt, rolling the soft fabric between your fingers.
His hands were still on your back and in your hair. But not wildly. There was only just enough movement to let you know he was still there. It suggested nothing more.
Seconds passed and you fought against every muscle in your body that was screaming at you to stay in his arms, to stay safe, and you instead lifted yourself from his embrace.
His arms fell away to allow you the freedom to move. You hated how cold you felt without him. You settled down again in his lap, now facing him with your legs on either side of his. Your hands found their way to his hair, tied up into a bun with only his long bangs framing his beautiful face.
Your hands held the back of his neck as you looked across his face, your gaze switching between both of his golden eyes. Each of your fingers sprawled out and cradled the space between the nape of his neck and the spot just behind his ears. Your finger pads ran up and down between the strands of his tied-up hair to massage his scalp. Your thumbs rested in front of his ears toying with the strands of hair that framed his face.
He simply stared back at you, his eyes hazy with bewilderment. You noticed his concern was still present in the slight crease between his brows.
You wanted that concern to disappear.
Feng Xin dared not to move as you placed your lips on his brow, the spot just above the bridge of his nose, and lightly kissed. Still holding his head and playing with his hair but now also urging his concern to go away.
Just as slowly as you leaned in to kiss him, you then drew back, admiring your work on the way. Settling yourself back in his lap and smiling sweetly now that the crease had melted away.
The bit of Feng Xin’s gaze that had held his cold concern now housed a new contrasting emotion. One that was a lot warmer. And it seemed to be growing throughout his face. The crease that had been between his eyes had been swapped out for a budding warmth in his features.
You were about to drop both of your hands from his neck when Feng Xin reached up to stop one of them from moving. He intertwined his fingers with yours and pressed his cheek into your palm, closing his eyes.
Hot.
His cheek burned.
Like the scorching sun at the height of summer. Not enough to hurt at first. But dare to stay exposed too much longer and your skin might bubble. Skin cooked raw to the touch.
Too much longer like this and he’d turn you to ash.
Feng Xin hastily shifted his upper body forward, leaning in tauntingly close as he stood to pick you up. Momentum from his movement drew your face toward his and you let it.
His strong hands supported you, gripping tenderly under your thighs as you succumbed to the tingling burn on your skin.
And you kissed him. Sudden and chaste, yet lingering.
He kissed back. Brief but hungry. He only allowed himself to bite your lip for a moment before reluctantly pulling away and meeting your gaze.
You hooked your feet behind his lower back as both reassurance and to steady yourself. In response, Feng Xin carefully and eagerly carried you to your room, and laid you down on your back underneath himself. His one arm gingerly lowered you while the other supported himself above your shoulder and past your ear.
You noticed his fluid movement pause at the sight of you. Your hair draped around your head like a crown as you gazed back at him. You ran your fingers through your own hair to test your theory, and it earned you an open-mouthed gasp from him.
Quiet, but undeniably real.
You drew that same hand away from your hair and ghosted your skin along the back of his neck, twisting the short wisps of hair at his nape around your fingers. When your hand did eventually settle on his neck, that slightest bit of applied force seemed to crumble him, and he dropped his face toward yours, using your hand to guide his way.
And he kissed you again. And again, and again.
There was palpable pressure this time. And much more greed.
Like if he didn’t kiss you just right or if he didn’t kiss you just enough that, for some reason, he thought he would never again get the chance.
Like it was the last and only thing he had ever wanted to do. And, gods be damned, he was going to do it right.
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