#cry me that river because i have my fucking popcorn

[notthecity]

I don't regularly keep up with the qsmp, and yet "a cage for a cage" made me cry real tears. and the reason why is easy: q!Phil's greatest strength and weakness are paradoxically the same thing: his love of Chayanne and Tallulah. Daedalus and Icarus combined, a man who would do anything for his children, who would easily burn down the island if it meant getting them back, and yet a simple ruse was enough to lure him right into the Federation's hands.

give a man a reason to fight and he will do anything in his power to get it back. throw him an ounce of hope, and he will crawl to you like a poor man begging for food from a king. and you will sneer at him, like the king does, disgusted at his presence at your feet, watching the mighty fall to the pits of the despair you've inflicted on him.

it's cruel. it must be an unbearable circumstance, to realize that you fell into a trap orchestrated by the same people who gave you your own universe to fight for, just to suddenly rip it all away from you with no warning or explanation. to realize that you can't protect anything you love from the monsters of the Federation, even you yourself falling under their clutches. that not only you, but your fucking children, the light of your world, you are all stuck at the mercy of their sinister plans, and there is no longer anything you can do to save them now, because you're stuck. trapped. caged.

because revenge is a game of multiple turns. it's like warfare—heartless, calculated, devastating. it's game, and a statement, and a threat, all at once. and you win if you opponent breaks, which Phil did.

it's hell on Earth, for him and for them. a cage, for a cage, for a cage.

what a way to realize you've lost it all.

[rinhaler]

Hey hey luxie!! Here are the rin hcs I wanted to share with u this is the same anon from the other day!

Sfw:

* friends to lovers trope is the only viable option considering his overall…disposition, there’s no other way he’d give you time of day

* Calls you otaku in a hateful way because he loves the way ur face scrunches up

* Has all of your orders at any type of eating establishment stored in his brain so he can surprise you whenever ur feeling down

* POSSESSIVE POSSESSIVE POSSESSIVE

* “What the hell are you doing hanging out with that loser?” “No, I’m coming over and we’re having a movie night.”

* Believe it or not, he blushes easily

* “Rinrin, do I look pretty?” *blush mode activated* “w-what? Yeah! Yeah, really pretty” he precedes to die of embarrassment

* Likes to scare you lmfao especially if you guys are watching a scary movie he’ll say he has to go to the bathroom and when he comes back he sneaks up behind the couch, grabs your shoulders and makes some weird ass noise and starts cackling once you scream and popcorn goes flying everywhere

* Absolute hater

* Will make fun of the music you listen to but then has a whole playlist of ur fav songs

* Simps for you so hard

* This man literally has a key to ur house and brings u coffee almost every morning

* Always wants you at his games and practices and looks for you in the stands

* He’s a little snuggle bunny it’s canon bc I said so

* Great listener but not really good at advice but will never hesitates to be your shoulder to cry on

* Often invites you to do yoga with him

* Loves to brush your hair and have spa days with you

* But know this he’s always gonna win the idgaf war

* Sidenote I feel like he knows how to skateboard and is good at it??? Must be the emo in him

Nsfw:

* Titty boiiiiiiiii

* That’s how the friendship evolved into a romantic relationship

* From starring at ur tits

* He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it or when it started happening

* “You wanna touch ‘em, rin? You’ve been starring at them a lot lately.” “Pshh whatever no I haven’t, you’re delusional!”

* Denial is a river in Egypt and he’s drowning it in, he can’t possibly want you in that way….unless?

* “Are you sure baby?” Consent king, has to make 100% sure you’re ok with it

* And after that first tit grab he’s done for

* Absolute slut for kissing and making out like literally he could cum from having his tongue in your mouth (he did the first time it happened oopsies don’t make fun of the poor baby)

* SLOBBER MONSTER OH MY GOD

* spits in ur mouth, spits on ur pussy, fucking drools allllll over you

* Loves to lick you and be licked

* Super sensitive nipples he’s kinda embarrassed by it but god does it get him bricked up

* Fav positions are missionary (mating press to be specific) and lotus. He wants to be close to you and hold you but still able to watch ur boobies bounce

* really into eye contact he knows how intense his gaze is and loves seeing you get all flustered from it and try to look away

* Grabs you by the cheeks, squishing them together a little and lightly shakes your head back and forth “nuh-uh, look at me me little girl watch me fuck this sloppy cunt”

* He’s got a dirty fuckin mouth (yum)

* “Harder rin, please baby harder!” “Yeah, you like getting your little pussy pounded? god, you’re a fucking nympho, aren’t you?”

* Once again, POSSESSIVE!!!

* “Who does this pussy belong to? It’s my fuckin pussy, only I make you feel this good, nobody else can ever make you feel like this. That’s right, call out for me baby, say my name, tell me who you love”

* Breeding kink due to said possessiveness, he came in you the first time you guys had sex, you are his and there’s no way around it

* Can and will and wants to get you pregnant he doesn’t give a fuck

* Pleasure dom he won’t stop until you’re crying or screaming or giggling from how deliriously cockdrunk you are

* Strength kink this mf just stands up and fucks u mid air, loves showing off

* Moans, groans, whines, grunts, growls, he makes every sound you could possibly think of despite him being a stone cold statue majority of the time, this is not the case during sexy time

* Oh and let me put an emphasis on the whiny part while he’s getting head

* So needy it’s kinda pathetic really but he’s soooo cute

* “Oh shit yes baby, pull it out, please baby please put my dick in that pretty mouth”

* Secretly loves being teased and edged

* Face fucker, both receiving and giving

* He lets you mount his face like a bicycle and absolutely goes to TOWN on ur pussy

* Shakes when he cums like I said he cums inside you and he actually gets pretty emotional that you just let him and trust him that much to do something so intimate with you

* Stamina is fucking insane he can go all night if you want

* But when all is said and done aftercare is really sweet and sensual, he’ll wanna cuddle for a few minutes, just hold you and caress your back and tell you how much he loves you lots of kissing too

* Once he finally gets up he’ll run a bath for the two of you and both of you wash each other off before going to bed

* But he gets out before you so he can put some fresh sheets on the bed

* Rin itoshi is a lover and a sweetheart with is s/o no one can convince otherwise

Anywayyyy ima stop myself there I could literally go on all day abt him it’s bad I’m sick in the head

⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

possessive rin is so dear to my heart I deff agree with that. like, stupidly possessive. doesn't like it when other guys look at you or breathe your air you're his and no one else's.

I love the idea of him knowing what we like to eat 🥹 I'm such a picky eater. However I also feel like he'd definitely try and get you out of your comfort zone to try new things!! But I think he'd be proud of u for trying even if u don't like what he's picking :P

HIMMMMMMM BEING A SKATEBOARDER EMO BOY IS MAKING ME CRAZY PLS

Omg u think Rin is a tits guy?? Any particular reason why or? Idk I never really thought about what he'd prefer but I kinda agree now that you've said it... (hate it for me I hate my boobs LMFAO).

HIM SHAKING WHEN HE CUMS I'M FUCKING BARKING I'M BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK I CAN'T COPE HELP I NEED HIM IMMEDIATELY

omg these are all so good I could go on so long about them all but I'd end up writing a 50k essay LMAO thank you for sending them though I'm so?? obsessed?? I wanted to post this it's been in my drafts for DAYS I've never had such an in depth ask before so I wasn't sure how to go about answering but u absolutely ate with these.. thank u for sending omgggggg I'm absolutely DROOLING

[sturniololoco]

Stressed

M. Sturniolo x fem reader

Requested: Nope

Warnings: none. Pure fluff

Note: this is not my first time writing, but it is my first time posting. SO BE NICE! ❤️

Y/N’s POV

It’s been a long week. My stress levels have been through the roof since Monday morning. I’ve been having to work double shifts due to people slacking off, and on top of all that I had to do all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry for three people, NOT including myself.

I live with the Sturniolo triplets, which is one of my many blessings. But sometimes living with three boys can be a lot to handle, especially when they’re busy all week with filming and photo shoots.

But it was finally Friday, and I can now take my time to relax and watch a movie with the boys.

Only that was NOT the case

Friday meant pizza, and pizza meant movie, and movie meant fighting over couch spots, blankets, pillows, and etc. All of these things led to on stop bickering and a constant headache. 

“Chris! What the fuck is wrong with you that was my seat!” Nick yelled at the youngest triplet, who had the biggest smirk on his face.

“I don’t see your name on it.” Chris retorted, stuffing a handful of Nicks popcorn into his mouth. 

That set Nick off.

Nick and Chris were now girl fighting; smacking the others faces and pulling each others hair, while, as usual, being extremely loud. 

“I cant fucking do this anymore” I numbed under my breath, tears threatening to leaf all due to my horrible headache. I divided it was best to call it a night and head up to my room. 

Matt’s POV

I was sitting on the corner sot on our couch, waiting for Y/N to come and join us so I could press play on the movie. But then all hell broke loose over a spot on the couch and now Nick and Chris were having at it. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Y/N walking to the stairs, looking like shes about to cry. 

A pang of guilt hits me like a train. 

I know shes had a very stressful week at work, and my brothers and I were not helping. 

“HEY! Would you two shut the fuck up!”

My two brothers stop dead in their tracks and look at me, shocked that I raised my voice so loud. Chris opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off. 

“Did you two not see how upset and stressed Y/N was?!? Did you even notice she left because of you?”

Chris closed his mouth and gave a guilty look. Nick looked at the ground to avoid my stare. 

“You two better fix your fucking act by the time I get back. I’m going to check on        Y/N.” I announce, leaving them where they stand. 

I head to the kitchen, grab the bottle of Tylenol and bottle of water, and then make my way up stairs. 

Y/N’s POV

I soon as I turned my lights on and shut the door behind me, Immediately burst into tears. I walk across the room and collapsed on my bead, sobbing into my pillow. 

After about 5 minuets, my breathing slowed down and the tears turned into rain rarer than a river. As soon as I sit up I hear a soft knock on my door. 

“Come I-In” I say, mentally cursing that the crack in my voice. The door is softly pushed open, revealing Matt, holding a bottle of Tylenol and some water.

“Hey baby,” he says, walking over and putting the medicine and water on my nightstand. He sits down next to me and runs a slow hand through my hair.

I hum and lean into him, the motion soothing my headache. He lets out a light chuckle and pulls me closer to him. 

He gently lies back on the bed with me lying on top of him, my face in the crook of his neck.

“Why don’t you get some sleep baby, you look exhausted.” He murmurs softly in my ear while he plants a soft kiss to the top of my head. My eyes were already half way closed.

“Don’t leave me. I want you.” I mumbled, afraid he might leave in the middle of the night.

“Don’t worry baby, I’m not going anywhere” 

[moonscarsandstars]

im having feels about alphard and i’ve never done one of these things so bear with me and also im way too sleepy but let’s not go there.

basically atticus 2.0

okay so let’s start off with etymology

the name ‘alphard’ is of course a star, because the Black family have an aesthetic to keep

but it’s the brightest star in the hydra constellation

you know who else was the brightest star in a constellation?

thats right, our one and only, sirius black!

his name also roots from arabic, which is pretty fucking metal for someone coming from a racist™ family

it derives from the word  “Al Fard“ which means ‘solitary one’

for some reason im getting victorian era widow living in windy hills writing poetry about her former lover but okay

but the correlation of astronomy and etymology between alphard and sirius has gotten me super hyped up on their relationship

of course uncle alphard was the cool™ uncle, but what if he was so much more?

what if he was the one who kinda brought sirius out of his shell?

because i cant imagine that living with the Blacks with such a fiery, rebellious personality would make for an encouraging childhood

so if sirius was this little kid, with so much pent up anger and suppressed personality

who was that small light in sirius’s life? like the one person who truly allowed sirius to be himself?

my old man, alphard

also for some reason, i get the vibe that he was really into either rifle shooting or archery

something muggle related that walburga didn’t want her kids near

but both reg and sirius was super curious, and absolutely loved it because it’s really the only muggle thing they’ve ever seen

and so every summer when the kids went and stayed with him

he’d show them his collection of rifles that he’d collected

and he’d tell stories of buying them from muggles and learning it with those wooden target dudes

and sirius and reg would just look up to him in awe because he talks to muggles!

oh and what if alphard, our old school rebel sometimes took them to muggle london?

imagine this: young sirius and reg wandering through 70s muggle london with this smart, friendly but also intimidating young man

and they’re just so excited, but they try to keep quiet because they were raised to sit still look pretty 

i hate their parents ugh

anyway so sirius finally snaps when he sees a popcorn maker

and for the first time alphard’s ever seen, one of walburga’s kids smiles

sirius points enthusiastically at the popcorn maker blurting out questions at the speed of light

until regulus tells him to keep quiet

sirius suddenly realises his outburst, and is filled with fear

because oh god, he loved uncle alphard, and the last thing he wanted was for his uncle to be mad

but then to his surprise

alphard just chuckles and smiles at him

his expression turns concerned when he sees the near tears in sirius’s eyes

“what’s wrong?” he asks in that gentle tone- that no one could expect from such a burly man

“i’m sorry,” stuttered out a five year old sirius, trying to keep tears in

“don’t be sorry! you were excited, there’s nothing wrong in having fun, is there?”

and this is the first time sirius has ever heard such a thing

so he looks up at alphard in confusion

alphard gives him that sweet, encouraging smile

and sirius hugs him like anything, holding on tightly and letting tears stain his robe

uncle alphard is actually the first person sirius had ever hugged

the only one he’d ever hugged until third year in hogwarts, when him and james had that conversation

back to alphard

these meetings to muggle london would be secret, and neither of them would tell their mother

regulus of course had his suspicions, and felt bad about hiding it from his mother

but in the end he loved fish and chips too much to give it up

especially when they had ice lollies while at the river or seaside

alphard and sirius had an even closer relationship once sirius was sorted into gryffindor

of course, he got the hateful and toxic letter from his parents

but a little while later

he also got one from alphard, which probably made him cry more than walburga

firstly because now uncle alphard would hate him!

but secondly because alphard was the only letter for a long time that’d encouraged him, and told him that he was still loved

and sirius just couldnt believe it

he couldnt believe that he had such an amazing uncle, who even loved him after he disappointed the family

and they corresponded a lot more than walburga knew

much more than walburga wanted them to

“because he’s a bad influence, mixing in with the wrong sort. don’t follow his ideas, they’re wrong”

it was also around then that sirius started questioning his own bigoted beliefs

and he started talking to uncle alphard about them

uncle alphard, being the atticus he was, guided sirius to the right path

(something that walburga would never know of)

also helping sirius make friends, because sirius was so lonely

fast forward to third year

puberty hits sirius like a fucking snake with angel wings on steroids

(dont question my similes)

so sirius starts getting crushes

but here’s the thing- he doesnt have crushes on girls

why not?

marlene was pretty, so was alice and emmeline

so why didnt he want to snog them senseless like james peter, and the rest of the boys did?

he sends letters to uncle alphard, who tells him not to worry

because as all, it doesn’t happen to everyone, and sometimes it takes a little longer for some people

it was also worth mentioning that he wanted to grow closer to fabian prewett

he didnt know why, but he probably wanted to hang out more often with fabian

and so he does

he hangs out much more with fabian, and finds that fabian wants to hang more with him

and that makes him happy

so one late night, both of them were staring at the stars, stolen drinks in hand

(they were at the age that firewhisky tasted disgusting, but an lightly alcoholic butterbeer or gillywater wasn’t bad)

so here they are

and neither of them knows who started it

but suddenly they were snogging each other senselessly

and sirius knew deep down it was wrong, but he just didnt want to stop

because there was this feeling growing inside him- this warm feeling that just made all the rules broken worth it

the next day, however, they both wake up in all sobrierity

and the horror of what they did hits them both like a brick

both of them run away from each other as fast as they can, fabian running to the kitchens and sirius running to the common room

what’s the first thing he does?

he writes to uncle alphard

because uncle alphard would know what to do. uncle alphard would know how to fix this

uncle alphard’s reply was like a punch in the gut for sirius

there wasnt a way to fix it

but there was more

sirius wasn’t broken

sirius wasn’t broken

sirius wasn’t broken

and though there was a hidden part of him screaming in his motehr’s voice

he knew that if alphard said he wasn’t broken, then he really wasn’t

and it was that moment that sirius felt it the most

not when he was sorted, not when andromeda patted him on the back

it was now that he felt accepted

[platypanthewriter]

Rebirth

Day 8 prompt off the Harringrove April list, Rebirth.  After season 3, Max tries to save Billy, any way she can.

Max didn’t mean to go into the Upside-Down with Eleven, but she was half asleep, and her nightmares were so vivid, after Billy—afterwards—that she grabbed for Eleven’s hand, and then they were both running.

They ran and ran, their feet and hearts pounding, as Max wiped her eyes and hissed, “Where are we going,” and Eleven shook her head, squeezing Max’s hand.

“I don’t know,” she whispered back, her eyes wide, somehow visible in the darkness.

Then Max saw Billy, and her heart nearly thudded right out of her chest—walking, alive, and she screamed his name and fell towards him, and...out.

 She awoke, sweating and panting, and stumbled out of her room to stick her head under the kitchen faucet, only to thud into Billy’s chest, warm and solid, in the hallway.  She let out a shaky gasp, and he clapped a hand over her mouth.

“What gives, shitbird,” he hissed, lowering his hand, with a glance down the hall towards his father’s door.

“How are you here,” she rasped out, pinching his arm hard, and he swore, glaring at her.

“The fuck does that mean,” he growled back, and she grabbed his arm and drug him back to her room.  “Whaddaya want, Max,” he snarled, under his breath, but he came, and she shoved him back on the bed, then paced back and forth, thinking.

“I gotta go, shitbird,” he whispered, checking her clock.  “I need to get some crap togeth—”

“Stay there,” she told him, grabbing his arm again, and he looked weirded out, but he sat back down.  “Wha—you—you’re okay,” she breathed, trying to fill her lungs, but they shuddered, like a baby’s, and her eyes stung like she was gonna cry.  

“What the fuck,” he whispered, his eyes narrowed, and suddenly she registered how chilly it was in her bedroom.  

“Why is it cold,” she blurted out, staring around and wondering, as her vision started to blur with tears, whether she was still somehow in the Upside-Down.  “It’s August, it’s hot as Satan’s asscrack here, why is it cold—” 

“Max, it’s June,” he hissed, grabbing her shoulders, and shaking her, just a little.  “What the hell—did you have a nightmare—”

“...It’s June,” she whispered, and then repeated, jubilantly, “Billy!  It’s June!”

“I know,” he told her, raising his eyebrows as she grabbed at his hand, squeezing it.

“It’s June, and you’re still alive,” she sobbed, leaning into his shoulder, and he stayed perfectly still, frowning down at her like she’d lost her mind.  “Sorry,” she giggled, panting, and squeezing his hand again.  “You’re such a fucking shithead.  I missed you.”

“I don’t know what the fuck kinda sick joke this is,” Billy muttered, shaking her off, and looking a little shaken himself.  “I gotta go.”

“Okay, yeah,” Max said, clearing her throat and nodding.  “Yeah.  Fuck.  Who even wants you, right?” she asked, but she still reached out and clutched at the sleeve of his shirt, and her lungs still made a weird noise.

 This time, she swore, things would go different—and they did.  By the time July rolled around, she knew to be suspicious.  She followed him after work, to Heather’s house, and saw him kill.

 And then she banged on Eleven’s door.

 This time, she started following him sooner, climbing right in the car with him, and he was furious, but also consented to take her to movies, and out for ice cream, when she told him he was the only brother she had, and she was making the most of it.  Remembering him bleeding out on the floor under the dome was enough, usually, to get her after him again—and he’d watch her face, and take her down to where the river flood runoff management was dried out for the summer, and they’d skate in the pipes.  

 It was worse that time, when he died, because she’d never liked him before.  Loved him, sure, growing up in a house with Neil—they’d always been like the Allies against the Axis of Evil, she’d thought once, writing a paper about WWII—they warred between themselves, but united against fascism.  Watching him die was crushing in a different way this time, knowing they’d watched shitty sci-fi movies together, sneaking out after Neil went to bed to munch down sleeves of crackers, since popcorn was too loud.

 She banged on Eleven’s door, wiping her eyes.  “How far do you need to go back?” Eleven asked, immediately, and Max hugged her, shaking her head, and shrugging.  She fought back tears, and made an awful wet sniffling noise into Eleven’s shoulder.

“We’ll figure it out,” Eleven told her seriously, taking her hand.

 Making friends with Billy hadn’t been the answer, so she made lists—people he talked to, places he went.  The time she crashed his interview at the pool, he was furious, but he started acting like a freak three whole weeks later than usual, so the time after that, she followed him every damn day.  

It was Karen Wheeler, she finally realized.  At some point, he’d talk to Karen Wheeler, agree to meet her at a motel—Max gagged like a cat the first time she figured it out—and he’d run into the Mindflayer.  He wouldn’t talk about Karen Wheeler—not that Max really wanted to—but it made it hard to warn him.  

Even if Max interrupted every time, eventually, Billy ran into Karen Wheeler alone.  

 Max set him up on dates.  She found Steve Harrington and grilled him on people that might date her brother, and he stared, and he and Robin laughed at her, until she promised to climb in their windows at night with pliers, and steal their teeth.  Steve was more forthcoming after that, writing a list of names with his other hand over his mouth, and Max stalked around Billy’s room as he got ready, straightening his jacket.  She packed him off with flowers.

The Mindflayer still got him.

 Max cried on Eleven’s bed, punching her pillow, and Eleven sat with her arms crossed, thinking.  “We could cut his dick off,” she suggested, and Max choked, laughing.  

“He doesn’t care who it is,” she sighed.  “Even if he goes on the dates, he’s a slut, he’ll always go with Karen Wheeler—”

“We could tell Nancy,” El suggested, steepling her fingers.  “I could tell Mike.”

Max considered, then sighed.  “I don’t think getting his dick shot off would help, either.”

 The only other guy Max knew was Steve, so they went back.  “How do I keep my brother from wanting to fuck Nancy’s mom,” she asked bluntly, and Steve stumbled, vanishing behind the ice cream cabinet with a loud smack noise and then scrambling back up to glare at them through the glass.

“He what now,” asked Robin, and Max explained, again, that she was from the future.  Billy never believed her—it ruined their friendship, usually, because he was so suspicious when she was nice to him anyway—but Steve nearly always did, nodding like it somehow made sense.

“So he’ll die if he tries to fuck Nancy’s mom,” he said, crossing his arms, and narrowing his eyes.

“I mean, so worth it, though,” said Robin, pushing herself up to sit on the counter with a sigh.  “If you need somebody else to go seduce Nancy’s mom—”

“I could tell him I heard she has herpes,” Steve offered, and Max was desperate enough to give it a go.  She brought Billy down to the mall—they always ended up sitting somewhere they could look into the ice cream place anyway, so Steve could see they were there.  He was totally natural—as natural as anyone could be, walking out and handing their nemesis free ice cream they hadn’t ordered, and saying something like “So I heard Mrs. Wheeler’s been spreading the ol’ herpes.”

Billy stared at him, holding the ice cream, and then at Max.  

“...if you don’t want that, I do,” she said, trying not to laugh, or cry, because if Steve’s plan didn’t work, she didn’t know what to try next.

“...what’s going on,” he asked, flatly.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said, reaching for the ice cream cone, and he bit half of it off and chewed it at her defiantly, his mouth open.  

“Why is Steve Harrington talking to me,” Billy asked, which seemed the less important question, given what he’d said, but Billy looked serious.  “Did you—did you bribe him?  The fuck is going on, Max?!  Why would he—ever—” he paused for emphasis, and she realized his ears were turning red, “—ever ever talk to me, Max Mayfield.  Tell me what the fuck is going on, or I will force this ice cream—”

“I just told him you were lurking around Karen Wheeler,” Max blurted, out of self-preservation, and he glowered at her, but relinquished the remaining ice cream.  It was strawberry.  “He said you should know something.”

“He wanted me to know that?” Billy hissed, glancing in at Steve, who was frowning back.  “D’you think it’s true, or—”

“He’s worried,” Max told him, which was technically true—both in the sense that Steve wanted to help Max, and wanted to keep Billy’s manwhoring paws off his ex’s mother.

“Why the fuck would he be worried,” Billy hissed, leaning closer, and glancing into the ice cream shop again.  Robin had joined Steve in leaning on the counter, their heads together as they watched Max and Billy.  Billy’s cheeks started turning pink too.  “Does he ask about me?!” he whispered, lowering his voice, and kind of slurring, like he was afraid if he moved his lips, Steve would see.

“Why do you care?!” Max hissed back, feeling like the message had been lost, after the considerable trouble of getting it delivered.  “You gonna stop hitting on her?!”

“Who?” Billy asked, pulling his stare back off of Steve Harrington, and frowning at Max.  “Oh.  Why does he care who I fuck?”

“...it’s a public service announcement,” Max told him, woodenly.  “With complimentary ice cream.”

“D’you think if I keep hitting on her, he’ll come beat me up?” Billy asked, his smirk widening into a grin, and Max groaned into her hands.  

“I think he’ll—” she began, and then registered the way Billy was watching Steve Harrington.  It was the way he watched the half-naked cavemen in awful sci-fi time travel movies, the  time they’d been friends—only after Neil had gone to bed, only if Billy was half asleep—but she remembered it.  

 She banged on El’s door again, even though Billy was still alive, even though he’d been so quiet on the drive back from the mall.  

“I need to go back earlier,” Max told her.  “I have to keep him from beating Steve up.  I, uh..I think it’ll help.”

“Because he’ll know about the Mindflayer,” El nodded, smacking her fist in the flat of her other hand like Max was a genius, and Max bit her lips together, and nodded.  

“...that, yeah,” she said, hoping it worked, hoping Steve didn’t hit Billy with the nailbat, and Billy didn’t get eaten by demodogs.  She stepped out of the Upside-Down the afternoon she’d snuck out with Lucas, and instead of running, she circled back to Billy’s window.  She watched Neil yell at him, gritting her teeth, and then when Billy flattened himself against the wall, she hissed, “Lucas!” and he helped her up, frowning in bewilderment, as she clambered in Billy’s window, panting and gasping, “No!  No, sorry, Billy, you don’t have to cover for me—I’m sorry—”

Billy and Neil both stared at her, but Neil left him alone, and came over, so angry his jaw and hands were shaking.  

“There you are!” Susan said, with false brightness.  “He was just trying to be a good brother!”

“He’s teaching her to be a liar,” Neil hissed, and Max shook her head, but Billy made the mistake of opening his mouth again, and Neil spun on him.  “You aren’t going anywhere,” he said softly.  “We need to have a talk.”

Billy bared his teeth, and Susan tried to beckon Max away, but she wasn’t watching her brother die again.  “You weren’t here to ask,” she told Neil, trying to make her eyes big and soft, like Will’s, “—so he said I could go if I was back soon!  I hurried.  Dustin’s mom lost her cat—”

She ignored the weirded-out glare Billy shot her, watching Neil’s face—and finally it worked, and her mom touched his shoulder.  

“They’re getting along,” Susan whispered, sounding thrilled.  “W-want to go—watch your show?  I’ll make popcorn.”

The door thudded closed after them, and Billy turned to scowl at Max.  “The fuck was that,” he hissed.

“I need your help,” she told him, and he snorted a laugh, elbowing by her to pout at himself in the mirror.  “You already made me late,” he told her, and she gritted her teeth, and played the last card she could think of.

“Steve Harrington needs your help,” she hissed.  “Please.  Billy.  Come on.”  He stilled the way he had at the mall, glaring suspiciously at her, and she grabbed his jacket, and hauled him towards the window.  

“The fuck would Harrington want,” he asked, barely audibly, with a glance at the door.  “If this is a fucking joke I will cave your skull in and dry it out to eat cereal—”

“It’s not, I swear,” she whispered back.  “Please.”

 He drove she and Lucas to the Byers, and Steve came out with his bat, looking wary.  “I brought Billy to help,” Max yelled, half-falling out of the car door in her anxiety, but Lucas helped her up, still with the disbelieving glower.  She squeezed his hand.  “He’s here to help!” she yelled at Steve, who raised his eyebrows.

Billy rolled his shoulders, glancing from Max to Steve with the beginning of a snarl, but Steve held his hand out.  

“Thanks,” he said, earnestly, and Billy stared at his face.  “I’ve got a ton of little shitheads in there, and the sheriff left me alone here—”

“You’re not alone,” Dustin yelled from the window.

“Completely by myself with these rug rats,” Steve told Billy, and Billy snorted a laugh.  Once inside, Steve handed Billy another baseball bat—nail-less—and he stared, so Steve and Dustin showed him the demodog in the fridge.  

 The next week, Steve drove by, Billy sauntered out and got in his car, and Max began to relax for the first time in...she shook her head and wondered, leaning her head in her arms, whether she got younger as she travelled back through the Upside-Down, or if she kept trying, maybe she’d end up fifty years old, just from reliving the summer of 1985 over and over for decades.  

For a while, things seemed to get better—Billy was hanging around Steve, and then right when he got the pool job, right when it mattered, they had a fight, or something, and Billy fucking tried to meet Karen Wheeler, and got flayed.  

Before she went over to Eleven’s, Max screamed, “This is all your fault, I hate you,” into the living room at Neil and her mom, and then ran out of the house.  They followed—not fast enough, yelling after her—but she didn’t stop.

 The next time, she got Billy a few hours sooner—she wanted to make sure he made friends with Steve, and after they fought the demodogs off in the junkyard, Billy couldn’t stop asking questions, and Steve threw an arm around his shoulders.  Max watched them.  She was exhausted—not so much from lack of sleep, but from lack of hope, because every change she made, she thought this time.  Surely.

This time, it was kind of weird.  Billy was weird—he’d pull Steve down alleys, not to fight, Max discovered, the first time she sprinted after them, just...talk, softly, apparently?  Steve started showing up and climbing in his window at night—Max stared at the connecting wall, horrified by his choices, because she’d seen Billy toss a cigarette, miss his ashtray, and pour old flat beer on his desk to put out the smoldering, crumpled homework and dirty socks.  She’d seen it that very afternoon.  

Billy brought her along for ice cream, sometimes, and she tried not to watch as he leaned across the case to lick the sample spoon into his mouth while it was still in Steve’s hand.

Then Steve started getting along with Robin, and Max saw the problem.  What was worse, she saw the solution, and she had to set her jaw and play matchmaker.  Not having to watch her brother be skewered saving Eleven would be worth it, she told herself, as she listened to him describe the perfect globes of Steve’s ass.  She remembered sitting in Billy’s empty room after the EMTs zipped him into the body bag, and it warmed her enough to suffer through his angst over Steve’s tan.  She’d made friends with him again, and he knocked on her door late at night after dates with Steve, a phrase she never thought she’d imagine, to tell her where they’d gone—with a pause for Billy to grin vaguely—and describe things Steve had said.  

Max listened, watching her brother happy, and alive, and the next time Karen Wheeler showed up at the pool, Billy had his lips fastened under Steve’s jaw around the side of the building.  

 The Mindflayer finally got a city inspector that went out to the Steelworks, in September, but Max remained vigilant even after Christmas, when she and Eleven could go and rent a movie, instead of travelling back in time, and Billy was always there, leaning across the counter to tease Steve Harrington, and renting porn.

The other Harringrove April prompts I’ve done

[ai-suru-hito-yo]

Calling You (Gardner Langway x Reader)

Summary: You and Gardner have been in a relationship for about a year now. Things are going great, the ups make the downs completely worth it, and you’re so in love with this goofball it almost hurts. Based on Calling You by Blue October.

Warnings: tooth-rotting fluff, probably rambling, very light references to possible smut but nothing detailed or explicit, some angst but I only write happy endings.

A/N: Sorry I don’t have the next part of WFSTRM ready yet! My dumb ass almost forgot I signed up for this event so I’ve been working on pumping this baby out. It’s just a lot of projection, honestly, because I am lonely and would very much like a cute and goofy ginger of my own (ahem Joe Mazzello hmu) Not beta’d because what are this? Written for @littledarlingwellaway​ ‘s 1k/Birthday extravaganza! Lyrics in italics. Timeline jumps around through different events in the relationship.

There's something that I can't quite explain

I'm so in love with you

You'll never take that away

You stared at the popcorn ceiling of your bedroom in your tiny apartment. No matter how long you stared, no matter how many little bumps you counted, sleep would not come. It was quiet except for a dog barking in the distance, and the quiet, deep breathing of the man currently sprawled across your chest, auburn locks in disarray after the number of times he had nervously run his fingers through his hair.

You and Gardner had just experienced your first real fight. You had been together for about 8 months now, and those months had been filled with mostly bliss, minus a bump or two in the road as you navigated the newness of suddenly finding someone else and their needs a part of your life. You had been out at date night, and Gardner said something accidentally insensitive (And what was it anyway? You could not possibly recall anymore, it was so trivial.) You had a bad day at work and immediately took the comment to heart, resulting in a serious overreaction and argument to end the night. You had fled home, only to see Gardner running up the sidewalk about 20 minutes later, a look of utmost determination on his face.

Finally, after talking things through and lots of reassurance, he finally passed out on your bed with you, wrapped entirely around your body, as if afraid you might slip away in the night if he failed to keep you anchored.

You looked down at his face, peaceful and relaxed in his sleep, looking paler than usual and downright ethereal in the moonlight streaming through your window. His plush lips parted slightly as he exhaled, and you studied last dark eyelash as they fanned against his pale cheeks. Your fingers gently brushed through his wild hair, and he stirred slightly. You froze, afraid the touch had woken him, but all he did was rub his face against your sweater before the sound of deep breaths filled the room once again.

As you resumed your stroking of his hair, you realized that whatever it was you had argued about was unimportant. You knew you loved Gardner, there was absolutely no doubt in your mind how you felt about the goofy, soft, awkward, beautiful man with his boat and his stamp collection and his zest for life and his unrelenting passion for the people and the things he cared about. You felt your eyelids slowly droop closed as you took comfort in the weight of your boyfriend pressing into you, keeping you safe and warm and loved.

And if I've said a hundred times before

Expect a thousand more

You'll never take that away

The first time he said it was an accident. He had truly not thought about it, not taken the time to really analyze how he felt about you, caught up as he was in the exhilaration of finding you and learning about you and developing this new, wonderful thing with you.

It was the simplest thing, too, that made him say it. He had been trying to make you laugh, telling you about some of the dumb suggestions Calvin had made as far as his next employment opportunity after he had quit being a mailman. Some throw-away comment that he made just as you had reached for your drink caused you to laugh and nearly drop the glass, which just caused you to laugh even more. Your eyes lit up and you threw your head back in mirth, letting out an unrestrained laugh, loud and happy, and it just hit him.

“God, I love you.”

Your laughter died down to soft giggles, before you realized what exactly he said. Your smile was still plastered on your face, but your eyes grew wide in shock. “W-what?”

“Um, I said I- yeah, yeah, I love you. I really do.”

You stared at him for a moment, silently, and Gardner could feel his heart rate pick up, his palms going sweaty from nerves. Had he said the wrong thing? Was it too soon? Should he not have said it? He was absolutely certain it was the truth, but now he was terrified he would scare you away.

“I-I'm sorry. I mean, I'm not sorry for how I feel, I won't apologize for that. But I'm sorry if you didn't want to hear that. I'm sorry If that was too soon. I'm really sorr--”

You never found out what else he was sorry for as you grabbed his shirt front and pulled him to you, right there in the middle of the bar, and planted your lips against his, effectively shutting him up for the next few minutes. When you finally pulled away again, you made sure to whisper for Gardner only,

“I love you, too, idiot.”

So expect me to be

Calling you to see

If you're okay when I'm not around

Asking if you love me

I love the way you make it sound

Three weeks. It had been three weeks since your boyfriend had been dragged off by his “brother” on some boys' trip as he had called it, leaving you behind and without his presence for 21 long days. They were due back at the end of the week, seven days that seemed to stretch out like a year before you.

You dragged yourself back home after another long day at work, wanting nothing more than the pint of Rocky Road in your freezer and a nice, long sleep. After a scalding hot shower, you put on your favorite pajamas (fuzzy warm pants and one of Gardner's old, faded t-shirts) and promptly fell asleep before you were even able to so much as braid your hair back for the night.

What must have been several hours later, judging by the darkness outside, you were pulled slowly from a rather deep sleep by an annoying and insistent sound. You reached toward your alarm clock, only to realize that the source of the noise was actually your phone, which you hd left on your bed during your shower and was now lodged somewhere under you. You lifted your leg and dug around, retrieved it from under your thigh, and promptly smashed the volume button before throwing it back down by your pillow. You were just about asleep again when the stupid thing started vibrating, alerting you to another call. This time you decided to answer it, letting out little more than a tired grunt.

“'Lo?”

There was a moment of silence, and then an robotic voice greeted you. “Hello. You have a collect call from,” pause, then a familiar voice, “It's me!!” you sat bolt upright, nearly dropping the phone. “Do you accept the charges?”

“Yes!” you practically scream into the phone. “Yes I accept!”

There was a bit of noise down the line, then quiet for a moment, before you tentatively spoke up again, “Uh...Gardner?”

“Honey I am so sorry it's collect I SWEAR I will pay you back!” Gardner's tired and slightly panicked voice called out to you. “I promise, the moment I get ho-”

“I don't give a shit about that,” you interrupted him, feeling an ache in your chest ease at the sound of his voice. You had been a little worried all day as you had not heard form him or Calvin for nearly three whole days now. Usually Gardner was calling you every night, excitedly telling you where they were now, what they had seen that day, and reassuring you that he loved you and he would be home soon. “Why are you calling collect? Where's your phone? Better yet, where have you been for three days, I've been so worried!”

“I know, I'm sorry,” your boyfriend assured you softly. Then his voice jumped an octave like it always did when he was irritated. “It's not because I didn't want to call, believe me. Let's just say Calvin had a little...mishap...which resulted in all but one of our bags falling into the Mississippi. My phone, my wallet, my camera, all of my clothes, as well as Calvin's phone, wallet, and clothes all in the bottom of a fucking river. Thankfully Calvin had his passport stashed in his car for some reason. We've spent most of today running around trying to get bank cards replaced so we can get back home.”

You sat in silence, stunned by everything your boyfriend had just told you. You could not decide whether to laugh or cry or scream or ask him if he was lying and playing a prank on you. Instead, you just sighed and asked him, “So, you're coming home, then?”

You could almost feel Gardner's sigh through the phone. “Yes. I'm calling it, we're cutting this road trip short and coming home.”

A squeak left your lips as you tried not to scream and cry. He was coming home early! Gardner was coming home, you would hopefully see him as early as tomorrow afternoon, and it was the best news you had heard in a very long time.

“Baby, I am so sorry your trip has ended on a sour note, I really am. I know you guys were really looking forward to boys time, and you deserve it. But I am so excited to see you,” by the time you reached the end of your statement, you were practically whispering, feeling choked up and near tears. You were acting ridiculous, you knew it, but it had really been tough not to have your goofy boyfriend around, your rock and your source of comfort, the one person you had grown so used to being the one constant in you otherwise hectic life, and it was really affecting your mood and your attitude badly.

A soft huff of laughter sounded over the phone, and Gardner asked, “You really miss me that much?” When you failed to answer right away, his tone turned softer and more serious. “Hey, are you okay?”

You sniffed and promptly pulled yourself together. “Yeah, I just miss you, Gardner. I miss you a lot. When will you be back? Where are you even?”

“I miss you, too, (Y/N). We're in some podunk town in southern Missouri right now. It's about a 9 hour drive home, and we're going straight through, no stops-no stops, Calvin!- except bathroom breaks. So sometime tomorrow afternoon.” The smile that split your face was one to rival the Cheshire cat, and you felt yourself relaxing just a little more as you were reassured that you and Gardner would soon be reunited. Thankfully, you had the whole next day off to plan a little something for just the two of you to enjoy after being apart, a little welcome home party.

“Okay,” you said quietly, phone pressed hard to your ear, as if that would suddenly make the physical distance between you smaller. “I guess I'll see you tomorrow.”

You let out a yawn and heard Gardner laughing down the line. “I'll let you go, honey. I just really needed to hear your voice and to tell you that I'm coming home.”

“I'm glad you did,” you told him honestly. “I had a really shit day, but it's all better now that I know I'll get to see you soon.”

“You still love me?” Gardner asked, and you chuckled.

“Of course I do, silly,” you assured him. “To the moon and back.”

“I know,” your boyfriend told you. “I just love hearing you say it. And I love you, too. More than anything.”

You rang off with promises that you would be home all day and that he could come over as soon as he was back in town. Feeling much warmer and more relaxed, you held the shirt up close to your nose, breathing in the lingering scent of Gardner's soap and distinct smells, and fell asleep with plans for the following evening swirling in your mind.

I thought that the world had lost its sway

Then I fell in love with you

And you took that away

You take away the old

Show me the new

You and Gardner had met shortly after he had gone through a really rough patch in his life. You did not know many details, but from what you gathered after a slightly tipsy conversation with Calvin, Gardner had just lost his job and experienced his first real heartbreak before you came into his life. Well, fell in (quite literally).

You had been in a hurry, rushing to find lunch on your short break from work, and all but ran into a cafe down the street. Unfortunately, someone had been about to step out when you reached to push the door open, and you promptly tripped over them and fell at their feet.

“Oh my god! I am so sorry!” a voice called out to you, and a hand circled your arm and helped pull you back to your feet. You brushed off your dress before you caught sight of a pair of feet still in front of you. Your eyes slowly made their way up a pair of legs, up, up, up, until you were looking into a pair of kind and rather stunning hazel eyes. The man before you looked to be about your age, with a strong nose and sharp jawline, skin so pale it was almost translucent, a bright shock of messy, red hair, and a slight smile. Despite the purple shadows under the man's eyes and the general tired look to him, the man was a cutie, and you could feel your face start to heat up as you realized you had been staring for far too long now.

“Oh!” you exclaimed, snapping out of your thoughts. “It's um, no problem. My fault, actually. Should have been paying more attention. Um, I'm (Y/N), by the way. Not that you should care, I'm just some strange girl from off the street.” You were rambling now and you knew it, but you could not seem to make yourself stop. Cutie seemed to be having a strange affect on you and you lost your mental filter entirely.

“I'll...just go now,” you said, promptly turning back to the cafe door, intending to scurry off back to work, appetite gone.

“I don't think you're strange,” Cutie suddenly spoke up.

“What?” you had stopped in your tracks, quickly turning back to him.

“I don't think you're strange,” he said again. “Although, it might seem a little strange for you to walk out of here, empty handed, after having just walked in.”

“Oh. Well I-uh,” you stammered, looking for some excuse, a reason to make a quick getaway. Oh, why doesn't a sinkhole just open up and swallow me whole, you thought as you realized you were caught out.

“Come on, I'm buying you a smoothie,” the stranger said, turning toward the counter before stopping and turning toward you again. “I'm Gardner, by the way.”

Calvin told you he came home that night, smiling for the first time in weeks, and had not stopped since.

“He wouldn't shut up about you, actually,” he said, leaning quite close before pushing himself off of your shoulder back to an upright position. “It was '(Y/N) this' and '(Y/N) that' for three whole days before I asked him if he even got your phone number or anything.”

You glanced at Gardner, who was pink faced and avoiding eye contact with you at the moment, remembering how you had seen him again in the same cafe five days later, and seemed strangely relieved when you pulled a pen from your purse and wrote your number on the back of his hand, telling him he could use it sometime if he wants. It had been a further week after that before he called you, and now you understood why. He had his heart broken, and was probably not entirely keen on repeating the experience.

You stood on slightly wobbly legs and made your way around the table to your boyfriend, wrapped your arms around his neck and perched yourself on his lap. He finally looked up at you, though still a bit reluctant, and you pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

He smiled up at you, and you leaned in to press a gentle kiss to the curve of his lips for good measure.

“What's that for?” he asked, looking up at you with a slight furrow to his brow. You smoothed it with a light touch before answering him.

“Nothing, really. Just wanted to make sure you know that I love you and I'm not going anywhere any time soon.”

It was quiet for a moment as Calvin had run off to who knows where in the house, following whatever crazy idea his alcohol-drenched brain had come up with. You felt more than heard Gardner take a deep breath before he spoke.

“You know you don't have to worry about me, right?” he asked, head tilted back to look up into your eyes now that his brother was no longer present to spill all his secrets.

“What d'you mean?”

“I mean, that stuff is all in the past. Yeah, I was in a funk when I met you, but as soon as you showed up, it was like it all happened to another person. It wasn't me anymore. You replaced all the bad things that I held onto with the good things I hadn't realized I actually needed. The world became easier to navigate. Nothing seemed to bad or so difficult anymore.”

Gardner ended his little declaration with a shrug, as if he had not just finished saying the most beautiful and profound thing someone had ever said to you in your life.

Instead of answering him, you simply stood and pulled him up to his feet. You wrapped your arms back around his neck, pulling him close and pressing your lips to his again. You felt his arms snake around your waist, locking behind your back and pulling you close. After some time that could have been minutes or hours for all the attention you had paid to the outside world at that moment, you pulled away from him, trailing one hand down his arm and interlacing your fingers with his long ones.

“Come on,” you said, pulling him toward the door.

“Where are we going?” he asked with a puzzled look.

You threw a coy smile over your shoulder before giving his hand another tug. “To the boat.”

Calling you to see

Do I try too hard to make you smile

To make a smile

In hindsight, you really should have seen it coming.

A ring your great-grandmother had given you had gone missing off your dresser. You thought you had placed it down next to your favorite apple cider candle, only for it to disappear, causing you to spend three days searching for it. You searched all the usual places, then all the unusual places, even your desk drawers at work, thinking perhaps you had misplaced it, but it was nowhere to be found. You gave up, officially declaring the jewelry lost, and spent the evening at home alone, trying to figure out how you were going to tell your mother that you lost her grandmother's ring.

You decided to drop by Gardner's boat one afternoon after work, only to walk in to him immediately slamming his laptop shut and staring at you with a wide-eyed, guilty look on his face. When you asked what he was doing, he claimed he was looking for something for Calvin.

“He's always trying new recipes, you know, so I thought I'd look some up for him,” he said, slipping the computer onto a shelf and gesturing for you to come sit by him. You were sure this was a lie, as Googling recipes certainly did not warrant such suspicious behavior, but decided to let it slide, as you had no real reason not to believe him.

However, the strange behavior got worse. One afternoon about two weeks later, you and Gardner both had some time off and were spending it together, when he got a phone call and slipped into another room to answer it. This was odd, as he usually only received calls form you, Calvin, or his boss. It certainly was not you on the other line, and he had never felt the need to leave the room for a call from work or his brother before. You knew it was wrong, but you decided to follow him.

He had stepped outside your apartment and into the hallway, so you stood by your door with your ear pressed against it, trying to catch anything you could. He must have been pacing, because you could only catch a few words at a time as the grew louder and then softer again.

“...sure that's right? How much...? ...meet you there at 4 tomorrow...look forward to it...”

You heard him approach your front door and quickly ran into your bathroom and locked the door behind you. You barely registered the front door opening and closing as your breathing picked up and you began to think of all the worst possibilities for his behavior. You did not register Gardner calling out your name before knocking at the bathroom door. The sound pulled you rather suddenly from your panicked thoughts, and you had to quickly sit down on the toilet lid before you fell over.

“(Y/N)? Are you alright?” he called through the door, concern evident in his voice. You knew you had to think fast.

“I-I don't feel good,” you called out, which was actually not a lie. You did find yourself suddenly feeling rather ill. “Maybe you should just go home.”

“What?! Are you sick? Unlock the door, let me come in and check on you.”

“No! I um-don't want you to get sick, too. It might be contagious.”

“I don't care. I've been around you all day, if it's contagious I'm gonna get it anyway.”

“Please just go, Gardner,” you called out. “I'm gonna try taking a shower and going to bed early. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.”

“Okay,” he finally relented, sounded disappointed and defeated. “I hope you feel better soon, honey. I love you.”

“Okay, thanks, you too,” you answered, turning on the shower to hopefully drown out any further disappointed sounds or words. Sleep never came to you that night, and you spent the whole next day wound tighter than a drum and jumping at every noise and movement.

At your lunch break you ducked into the ladies' room, hoping to freshen up a bit and try to get your act together for the afternoon. You stood staring at the dark shadows under your eyes that no amount of concealer would cover up, lost in thought, when your phone suddenly started ringing in your purse, causing you to jerk back violently before stomping your foot in pure frustration. You wrenched it out of your bag and answered it without even looking at who was calling.

“Hello?” you practically shouted into the phone?

“Hi, honey,” Gardner's happy voice answered you. “How you feeling today?”

“Fine,” you lied, your grip tightening around your phone.

“Oh, um, well I'm glad to hear that,” the man answered slowly, clearly a little puzzled by your grumpiness. “Think you'd be up for dinner out tonight? My treat.”

“I don't know, Gardner, I didn't sleep the greatest last night and my appetite hasn't been the greatest today,” you answered honestly. You had softened a little, as this was still the man you loved, and thought that maybe you were reacting a little strongly based only on your paranoid suspicions.

“Okay, we'll stay in, then,” he said, clearly not to be deterred from his plan to see you. “Come by the boat. It's supposed to be a beautiful night. I just really want to see you.”

You felt the last of your resolve crumble and you caved, agreeing you would come over. He agreed that if you started to feel ill again, he would bully Calvin into driving you home.

That evening you decided to walk the half a mile or so from your apartment to Calvin's house where Gardner still had his boat parked, taking time to reflect on all that had happened recently. You were not sure what to expect upon arrival, but it certainly was not what you saw.

Gardner had taken the cover off his boat, exposing the deck fully. He had gathered every blanket he owned, as well as a few you were certain you had seen in Calvin's house, as well as every cushion and pillow it seemed he could get his hands on, and piled them on the deck like some sort of hybrid nest-pillow fort. There was a bottle of sparkling cider set beside two trays loaded with food, and fairly lights were strung around the rigging, creating a soft glow around the nest. You had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk just staring at everything, which was where Gardner found you when he emerged from below deck with two glasses in his hands.

“(Y/N)!” he waved at you when he spotted you. “Come on up!” You climbed the ladder to the deck and Gardner reached out to help you on board, hands warm and clammy in they way they were whenever he was nervous.

“Do you like it?” he asked you with a small smile.

“I love it,” you answered honestly. “Did you do all of this?”

“Yep! Well, Calvin helped with the food and dragging all the cushions outside, but it was all my idea. I bought the juice and strung the lights and everything,” Gardner's hands started waving around excitedly as he explained, and you took hold of one again to calm him.

“You did this just for me,” it was more of a statement than a question.

“Well, you seemed so stressed lately I thought it might be nice for you to have a quiet, cozy way to unwind,” he explained, steering you toward a particularly plush looking pile of cushions. You arranged yourself on it in a way that hopefully looked less awkward than it felt, and Gardner promptly wrapped a blanket around your shoulders, enveloping you in warmth and his familiar scent.

You hugged the blanket around yourself, feeling infinitely better, and wondering how you could ever have doubted this wonderful man. He reached out to you with a glass of juice, and soon you both were digging into the food he had prepared. Sandwiches, fruits, and even chocolate and caramel sauces for dipping. It was delicious, and you realized just how hungry you were after barely eating for the past 24 hours. You talked and laughed over your dinner, the conversation slowly dwindling into companionable silence. You were licking a bit of stray chocolate sauce off your finger when Gardner caught your attention again.

“(Y/N)?”

“Gardner?”

“There's...another reason I wanted you to come over tonight. Another reason why I prepared all of this,” he started and turned to face you more directly. “I know I have my faults and my quirks, and sometimes it may seem like I try too hard, yet other times, not hard enough. But I love you more than life itself. What you and me have is so much...different when compared to anything I've ever known. I've not had anybody really be there for me, there because they actually wanted to be and not because they felt obligated or for some ulterior motive. When I look at you, I feel whole, I feel new, I feel invincible. Like I could fly. I could take on the world with you by my side. And that's what I really want. I'm not sure about the rest of the factors in my life, but I know that whatever happens, I want it to happen with you there, too.”

Time seemed to stand still as Gardner shifted so he was on one knee while reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a small blue box. You gasped, eyes comically wide as you stared at the box. It all made sense now. The missing ring, the sneaky internet research, the private phone calls. He had been in touch with a jeweler. He needed to know your ring size. Of course. The clues were all there, your mind had just come to the wrong conclusion.

Tears blurred your vision as Gardner opened the box, revealing the most beautiful ring you had ever seen. A princess cut stone of pure (y/b/s) sat in the middle of a sparkling white gold band, two much smaller white diamonds framing it, giving off the most brilliant shine even in the low light surrounding you. It was truly gorgeous, more so than any piece of jewelry or clothing or anything you had ever owned. Taking a deep breath to regain your composure, you looked back up into his hopeful face, flashing a watery smile.

“Ask me,” you said, wanting to hear his sweet voice speak those words. “Ask me, Gardner.”

“(Y/N), will you marry me?” he asked, brilliant hazel eyes flicking back and forth between yours.

“Yes,” you said, nodding vigorously. “Yes, yes, of course I will!”

You threw your arms around him, tackling him back into the pile of blankets and cushions behind him, peppering his entire face with kisses, leaving no exposed skin untouched. He laughed as you even kissed his ears, only stopping when Calvin's voice rang out from the house.

“Well?! What did she say?!”

“Oh, the ring!” you said, suddenly remembering it. “Where's the ring?”

Gardner picked the box up from where he had dropped it on a pillow and quickly slipped it onto your left hand. You stood and flashed your hand toward the house, making sure it caught the glow of one of the lights strung around you.

“What the heck do you think I said, Calvin?!” you shot back at him.

“Smart girl!” he called back to you. “You two have fun, now, and don't rock the boat! Or maybe do!”

You laughed as Calvin closed the window he was leaning out of. His words made you realize something and you quickly turned to Gardner, leveling him with your best serious face.

“I have one condition,” you stated firmly. The smile on Gardner's face slipped a little. “You can keep the boat, but I am NOT living in it!”

He laughed in relief, reaching out to pull you down to him again.

“Deal.”

[lallemcnt]

go ahead and watch my heart burn (part four)

“When you look at him you see dark night opening, giving way to dawn.”

— Ibn Said al-Maghribi

-

“Talk to me.”

“You shouldn’t have to reassure me all the fucking time! I’m so sick of my brain and how messed up I am!”

“You’re not messed up, Lucas.”

Lucas is perched on the arm of Eliott’s sofa, head bowed and arms shielding his body. Eliott sits on the edge of the sofa at its other end, the exasperated expression on his face mirroring Lucas’ voice. The distance between them, a sofa separating them, feels like miles upon miles, an impossible space to close. Lucas understands his frustration, he even feels sorry for him, sorry that he has to deal with Lucas when he gets like this: frustrated and insecure, when Eliott hasn’t done anything to incite these feelings, when he has been nothing but understanding, nothing but absolutely caring, nothing but a flame in the dark on the days when Lucas’ anxiety has been particularly debilitating.

He knew this was going to happen, that he would mess it up, he just didn’t know he would only have a month of being with Eliott before it all blew up in his face. Abruptly, the frustration drains from him and he is tired. He moves towards the door, stuffing his feet in his trainers and pulling on his jacket. Eliott gets to his feet, following Lucas to the door, asking in a beseeching voice, “You can’t just leave, we need to talk.”

Lucas doesn’t turn around to address him, simply opens the front door and lets out a quiet: “Let me go” before shutting the door behind him and trudging down the stairs into a chilly late summer day. His shoulders instantly hunch up and he’s blowing hot air into his hands for warmth, not sure where he’s going exactly. Going, he scoffs to himself, more like running, like the coward you are. But the knowledge of his cowardice is not enough to make him go back to Eliott and explain.

Lucas recalls a conversation they had a few days after he told Eliott about his father. When Eliott asked Lucas about his anxiety and how it affected him. He didn’t push Lucas to speak about it or set up some kind of intervention. They had been watching reruns of shitty TV at Eliott’s, as usual, eating popcorn and drinking some kind of nasty-ass beer Lucas has brought over when Eliott had asked him:

“I- Can I ask you questions about your anxiety? I’ve been reading up on it and I know I’ll need to do more, but would you…would you mind that? Because I know it is different for everyone.” His voice was tentative, his hands clenched around his beer bottle as if he was scared he had crossed an unspoken line, entering into unknown territory.

It was completely out of the blue. Lucas wondered if this had been on Eliott’s mind the entire evening, he, himself, felt slightly uncomfortable and nervous, because talking about it never ended well, it only ever crushed his mood, his soul, leaving him disappointed. However, he knew, in his heart, that if this thing between them had any chance of survival Eliott had the prerogative to know, to decide for himself if Lucas was worth all the work, and to make this decision he needed all the facts.

Turning down the volume on the TV, Lucas had shifted to face Eliott, because he could be strong. Hadn’t all his years of quiet survival proven that? He could look Eliott in the eye when he inevitably concluded that it was all too much. That Lucas was not worth it.

“You need to understand that you can’t fix me, okay? I’m always going to be dealing with this and I want you to know that I won’t blame you or hate you if you decide to leave, okay? It is a lot. I know,” Pausing for breath, Lucas had taken a swig of his drink before continuing. “Sometimes I’ll get irritable for no reason, at myself and at you. I’ll be snippy. I won’t want to talk to you. When we’ve planned to go to a party or out for dinner, when the day comes round the thought of going may make me feel physically sick and I won’t want to go because I’m terrified of meeting new people or being left alone at a party with nothing to do or no one to talk to. Sometimes I’ll put off doing things and stay home for days because the idea is a lot more peaceful, comfortable and safe than going out.

“And you have to know, it won’t be your fault. I just need space sometimes. There’s something else, too. It’s hard to explain why…there are times when I think it’s because of my father, but I can be touch averse too, casual touches will annoy me and turn my mood sour. I used to be this really affectionate kid, and I still crave touch, but I also hate it at times.”

Eliott nodded thoughtfully along as Lucas spoke; being given the opportunity to explain how he feels and be heard was everything. Everything and more. More than he ever imagined he would be lucky enough to experience.

He doesn’t even know how this afternoon’s argument got heated so quickly, but when he reaches that level of frustration he can’t be talked down, no placating words can calm him, and Eliott contradicting him, telling him he wasn’t messed up made him more angry, and Lucas also knew that while his head was telling him to yell and slam the door and tell Eliott that he will never understand, that he doesn’t get it, that this will never work between them, his heart was whispering for him to get out of there, to cool off, before he said something he would regret.

He knew why Eliott was frustrated, Lucas had been closed off for the past week, refusing to confide in Eliott who had asked him several times what was going on. He was clueless, unsure if he was the problem. Lucas could have easily reassured him that it wasn’t him, but he was feeling mean and bitter. Communication. The age-old issue that tore couples apart on the daily. He knew Eliott would be struggling to understand if the issue was anxiety-related or if Lucas was just being an asshole, which he was want to be every now and then, but that only made Lucas more irate.

Walking along the Seine, Lucas kicks out at a rock and then another, physically exercising his annoyance. The thing was, deep down is wasn’t just anger he felt, it was fear and shock and insurmountable shame, and even the thought of explaining this to Eliott- it is enough to make him sink down on a bench in fatigue, because hasn’t he told enough secrets for once? Hasn’t even opened himself up to pain over and over again these last few weeks? So, seeing what Lucas saw in conjunction with someone else being worried about you and constantly asking if you are okay when you most definitely are not is too much. To be worrying about someone else’s feelings when you are consumed by your own mounting despair is enough emotional grievance to knock you out for a lifetime.

Today at 13:15

Le gang

yann: my dudes who’s up for a night of gaming at mine? bazzz: HELL YES I’M IN arthur: idk i’ve got this huge essay to get done by tomorrow arthur: and i haven’t started yet bazzz: yikes arthur: lucas!!!!!! have u done it yet?? bazzz: come on we haven’t hung out in ages bazzz: are you’ll really choosing work over spending time with ME?! yann: i have bEER arthur: bold of you to assume i’d bunk of uni work for beer bazzz: we’ve got arthur! yann: lulu! where u at? arthur: lulu! bazzz: lulu!

Lucas clicks off the chat, puts it on silent and pulls up Manon’s.

Today at 13:27

Manon

lucas: hey u around? Manon: hey!! Manon: yeah i am Manon: what are you thinking? lucas: ummm wanna go for a walk? Manon: i’d love to

After deciding where to meet, Lucas begins to stroll across one of the many bridges that cross the river. In an attempt to clear his mind of Eliott and their argument, he marvels at the beauty of his city, at all the history that these old and ornate buildings must contain; the grey water washing by them, dividing banks and creating islands. He walks by children already wrapped up in coats and hats but licking away at vanilla ice-creams. There are two men in suits locked in a heated exchange, jaws tight and eyes narrowed. A couple up ahead leans against the side of the bridge, entangled in each other’s arms, blonde hair whipping against their faces: Lucas looks away quickly at the surge in his chest. And just beyond them, he spots a red pea-coat: Manon. Dressed in woolly tights, her brown hair tied in a loose braid, she clutches a paperback book in one hand, her elbows rest on the off-white arm of the bridge, discoloured by the grim of urban life.

When they meet, Lucas falls into her outstretched arms as though this place, here, is a refuge amidst a storming sea. He doesn’t cry, but he remains there for a while. If Lucas had to describe Manon he would wax poetic about her. She’s closer to a sister to him than a friend, but then who ever said a person couldn’t be both to you?

Drawing away from each other, they smile and return to look over the bridge where Manon rests her  book. Lucas observes the cover and the authors name as recognition hits and he’s turning back to Manon, incredulously, as he exclaims, “No way! What the hell? Is that the last book?”

Manon is grinning and holding it up to Lucas’ face. “Yep! Had to pre-order it and everything. Just went to pick it up from the shop, actually.”

“I can’t believe it. We waited, what, five years for it and now it’s actually here? Fuck.”

When they were twelve, there was this fantasy book series everyone was reading about magicians and vampires, empires falling and rising, quests for lost artefacts and stolen celestial swords. Suffice it to say, Lucas and Manon were obsessed; they would queue up outside the bookstore for midnight releases with Manon’s older brother and parents, they would have reading parties together on weekends, but it was also one of those series where the last book kept getting pushed back until it’s release seemed a fallacy, but after seven years, the final book was out.

Lucas grabbed the book proffered to him and scanned the cover and back, flipping the book open like a fan. The smell of newly printed pages ready to be devoured and loved was an inexplicable bliss. He placed it in reach of Manon whose back was against the bridge’s sides and face directed towards Lucas, her blue gaze is searching. He pretends to be interested in the boats disappearing beneath him, but he’s forgotten Manon can out-wait him, she has the patience of a saint. What’s more is she has always thought of Lucas as a younger brother despite their birthdays only between two weeks apart — one week, six days, two hours and 19 minutes exactly if you ask Lucas — making her infinitely more willing to spend minutes, hours in silence until he is ready to open up or can’t stand the silence so he fills it meaningless words which eventually unwinds into the deeper stuff, because Manon makes the time to be there for everyone she holds dear. Lucas is one of those lucky people, he knows that.

In this way, while the wind insists on dispelling summer in favour of autumn, as Manon waits out Lucas and the sky grows grey in alliance with the wind and the Seine leads its placid journey, winding around the city, Lucas voices what has got him all twisted up inside for the past week, the catalyst for this argument with Eliott.

“I think I saw my father last week. At uni.”

This shocks Manon. Although he isn’t directly looking at here, out of the corner of his eye he sees her blanch at his words, she turns around, standing beside him as though in solidarity, as if she would be able to protect him from what has already happened. His heart clenches at this.

“How are you feeling?” She asks.

Bringing his hand up to chew his thumb nail, Lucas shrugs, which is ridiculous because he knows how he feels, he’s been sinking in this tumult of negativity for seven fucking days.

“You know what I wanted to do? I wanted to go up to him. I wanted to look him dead in the eyes and see if he would even recognise me, to ask him how he could do what he did and claim it was love? How you can do that to someone you’re supposed to love unconditionally? What did I do exactly to make him hate me so much? What did I do? I want to know so I never do it again, so I don’t provoke that kind of behaviour-”

“Listen to me, Lucas. No,” Manon is shaking her head and holding Lucas own between her hands so he is forced to look at her while she speaks. “You did not provoke anything, you hear me? I can’t explain to you why he did what he did to you, why he hurt you. But I do know one thing for certain, and I know you’re tired of hearing me say it but I will say it forever if I have to, this is all on him, nothing you did was wrong. It was all him. All him.”

Biting down on his lip, blinks back tears. “I don’t even know why he was there, and I didn’t want it to become this big thing but Eliott caught on to my mood, I mean, how could he not? And I didn’t feel like talking about it, not after telling him about my father, my anxiety. It would’ve just been overboard for him, you know?”

“No, I don’t know. Lucas, he’s there, right? Wanting to be with you. In relationships there are times where you don’t want to say how you feel and you don’t want to express the messy shit, but Lucas, if this is going on for an extended period of time you have got to let him in. It’s unfair otherwise. You’re part of a team now.”

Lucas sighs.

“Unless he’s been an asshole and said something-”

“No! He hasn’t-”

“-because then I’ll be having words with him.”

That brings a smile to Lucas’ lips. Hearing Manon threaten someone — even thinking it sounds ridiculous in his head — is always a shock because she’s Manon, always flocking to make sure everyone is okay, wearing their coats when it’s cold, ensuring everyone has a ride home after a night out.

“No, he’s great. I’m the asshole, but what’s new, right?”

Throwing an arm around Lucas’ shoulder, easily done because they’re the same height, Manon frowns. “Just talk to him, my love. For him, for your relationship, but, most importantly, for yourself. Now, say this together with me ‘I am not an asshole’.”

Lucas rolls his eyes but Manon is serious. She begins to open her mouth and when Lucas makes no effort to join her she stops and glares, full force, at him until he obliges with another sigh.

“I am not an asshole.”

“And again.”

“I. Am. Not. An. Asshole.”

“Whoop! That is so true, Lucas. You aren’t. Alright, let’s hobble along somewhere, it’s kinda chilly out here. I think my toes are about to stop working.”

“Okay, okay.”

Linking arms, the two friends find a coffee shop to sit at, a feat on days such as this when everyone is seeking the warmth of the inside, clutching warm mugs of hot chocolate between their hands they speak of lighter things, less serious but just as important.

-

By the time eight o’clock rolls around, Lucas is feeling hopelessly guilty about leaving Eliott’s place that afternoon. Manon’s words play on his mind: You have got to let him in. It’s unfair otherwise. You’re part of a team now. But because he’s the king of avoidance, Lucas has agreed to go to Yann’s for a gaming night and he’s rationalised to himself that that is okay, because he hasn’t seen the boys in a while and he misses them and Eliott is probably off hanging out with Idriss and Sofiane, so he’s okay and they can speak tomorrow. It can all be sorted out tomorrow.

On his way over to Yann’s, he begins typing an apologetic text to Eliott, it screams pathetic and cheap, everything he should say in person. Cursing in frustration, Lucas deletes it all, at least he tries to and he does erase most of it but his thumb slips onto the send button in his frustration.

Today 20:04

eliott

lucas: i’m

FUCK.

He shoves his phone into the front pocket of his grey hoodie, and of course this happened, he really can’t catch a break can he?

He gets no response. Radio silence. Hopefully hanging with le gang will be distraction enough.

For the first hour Lucas is caught up in the fervor of his friends’ excitement about a new season of a TV show about a family gang in Birmingham, England on netflix. They settle on Yann’s sofa, pulling up beanbags and lazy-boys to rest their feet on; despite their apparent enthusiasm they talk through the entirety of the first episode, making poor imitations of the Birmingham accent, Baz laments about how attractive the leading male is and Lucas can’t do anything but agree.

As the night goes by, however, Lucas becomes restless, he plays one game with Yann and then a team game with Arthur and Basile. He drinks flat coca-cola and chooses the music they listen to, but there, in the background of everything is Eliott’s face when Lucas left. When he is choosing the next song to play he thinks back to the many nights when they would talk on the phone before bed and Eliott would play Lucas the piano music he had grown to love, sometimes falling asleep to it, lulled by tender notes and impossibly smooth melodies. He should be there. With Eliott.

So he leaves, apologising profusely, promising to meet them at lunch on Monday, his mouth agreeing to anything while his one-track mind retains its steady focus on one boy. He is running in the dark, the sky jet-black where weeks ago the sunset was only beginning be set. Impossibly, a few stars peak through the light-pollution endemic to most cities and the moon is there, coaxing him on his way, as if to say hurry hurry you’re almost there. Out of breath and surely sweating Lucas does not stop. He doesn’t text Eliott; he will wait outside his place until he comes home, he will wait forever if that is what it takes.

Lucas is anxious now. He presses the buzzer for Eliott’s door, hoping against hope that he will be forgiven for walking out.

“Hello?”

“It’s me. Lucas.”

Silence.

Lucas is there on the steps, panting from his run, his heart galloping in his chest for more than one reason he can count. It feels like an eternity before he hears the tell-tale sound of the front door buzzing and he’s pushing it open, climbing up the stairs to Eliott’s door. It is down the end of the corridor, the last one on his floor, and Eliott is there, in the doorway, watching Lucas as he walks towards him and it is agony: he can feel the guilt’s full force curling in his stomach. Lucas is suddenly self-conscious, he wants the floor to swallow him up. His steps are hesitant. He stops a few feet away from Eliott. Wanting to hug him.

“Can I come in?” His words are stilted, coated in uncertainty.

“Why are you here?” Eliott looks tired.

“I want to talk.”

“Okay.” He doesn’t budge a single inch.

Looks like Lucas is going to have to do this here. In the hallway. Where any number of people can just walk by. At least Eliott hasn’t shut the door in his face.

“I’m sorry. For shutting you out, refusing to talk to you. For being mean,” At this, Eliott’s composure starts to falter, Lucas understands then that his annoyed posture was all an act, possibly an attempt to guard himself from hurt, and that nicks at his heart a little. “For walking out earlier, I should have stayed. I’m just really sick of feeling vulnerable all the time, I feel like I can’t catch a break and then I take it out on you by being cold.

“I saw my father last week, unintentionally, he was at uni and it’s the first time since he left that I’ve laid eyes on him. It brought back all the shame and humiliation. I wanted to walk up to him, like I’ve imagined doing multiple times over the years and confronting him, but all I could do was run the other way. I hate that this man still has this power over me. Anyway, that’s not the point, the point is that I hurt you-”

Eliott is stepping forward and wrapping his arms around Lucas, pulling him into his apartment and holding him against the door.

“Please don’t be mad.” Lucas’ voice comes out muffled against Eliott’s chest.

“I’m not mad. The truth is I’d rather be annoyed by you than not have you at all. I want to know when you’re in pain and why. And you were, I could see it and it hurt to know you were fighting something on your own. I am so sorry, Lucas.”

“You have nothing to apologise for.”

“Remember what I told you, yeah? You are not alone.”

Lucas’ heart clenches at those words. How does Eliott think of and say things like that, so sincere like it is effortless, like it costs him nothing but the air he breathes to say them.

He pulls back from Eliott, head tilted up against the door. “You need to stop that.”

“Stop what?” Eliott cups Lucas’ face

“Saying those romantic things.”

“And you need to know that you have nothing,” He says fiercely. “To be ashamed about. You are not what happened to you. You are magnificent, and I can’t believe how lucky I am that you choose to be with me.”

“I love you.” The words slip out, Lucas widens his eyes and Eliott is laughing at Lucas’ brazenness. Simultaneously, his eyes shift and brighten, as if Lucas’ confession has changed the very colour of Eliott’s eyes, as if those three words have changed him.

A kiss, soft and tender. ”Not as much as I love you.”

Another kiss just as tender and slow, torturously slow. “Yeah, yeah. Now carry me to your bed, please.”

They stumble there, stripping off their clothes as much as they can while kissing and touching each other. As soon as Lucas hits Eliott’s bed though he is enraptured by the softness of his duvet and pillow and he sighs contentedly.

Eliott looks up from where he was kissing down Lucas’ chest and lets out a disbelievingly laugh when he sees Lucas snuggling into his pillows. He crawls up Lucas’ body until he is caging him in and looking directly down at him. Eliott, straddling Lucas’ hips now, plants a hard, searing kiss on his lips which Lucas is all too happy to reciprocate, clutching Eliott at the hips.

“You are ridiculous.”

“Ridiculously into you.” Lucas winks.

Eliott rolls over, laying his head on Lucas’ chest. “You’re tired.”

“Yeah…Your bed…Morning sex, instead?”

“Sure.”

From his position on Lucas’ chest, Eliott caresses Lucas’ lower stomach, running his fingers lightly over the skin, raising goose bumps in their wake.

Je t’aime.

Moi aussi.

[xserpentlife]

Let Me Go

Requested: Anon - Can you do a sweet Pea one where the reader has IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder) which is basically just an amazingly bad temper and she tries to break up with him because of it but he won’t let her because he knows she’s more than her temper? Your writing is amazing!!

A/N: I hope you like this anon!!

Warnings: Cursing, hitting, anger

Beta: Thanks to @wayward-river . As always check out her stories she’s amazing.

Summary: You lived with it your entire life and it would come and go IED (Intermittent explosive disorder) was something hard to deal with and it often made you push people away without even realizing it, but there is one guy who has stuck with you through it all. Recently it has just been one thing after another and it just kept building up.

Word Count: 1716

“Hey Y/N you ready to get our tests back in math?”

“No I hate math Toni you know this”

“Yeah but you're so good at it”

“True, It was pretty easy so we probably both got good grades”

“Let’s bounce, the teacher said after he passes the test it’s a free period so we can come back here”

“Let’s do it Topaz” You followed Toni to your classroom and awaited your grade for your test. Your teacher handed it to you and at the top was a %99.5. You flipped through wondering what you got wrong and once you found it you were livid. The teacher took off .5 points because you didn’t put an equal sign you just circled the answer. You threw a pencil at the wall it snapping as it hit, Toni looked up to you and grabbed your wrist to try and stop you but you had already yanked your hand away. You stormed out of the room and ran to the lounge. Usually, Sweets would be there but today he was on a job in Greendale with Fangs.

The bell for next period rang and luckily you had calmed down slightly. You got to your English class, the one class you hated more than everything. You always spoke faster than words formed in your head which constantly led the teacher to pick at the way you said things. It was the one class that pissed you off more than math did. You walked in taking a seat on the top of your desk not caring enough to slide inside. You listened as the teacher explained the next report that would be due. Then came time to read the assigned class text. Luckily it was popcorn reading so you hoped that class would end before you were called. But of course, asshole bulldogs knew how you were when it came to reading and Chad just had to call on you for the longest paragraph of all. You began reading and it was fine at first until you began reading faster. You stumbled over your words as the teacher began picking at the way the words were sounding.

“Can’t you just fucking pay attention to the way you speak”

“Excuse you Y/N, Watch yourself”

“Watch myself, watch yourself you asshole” You continued reading but soon the teacher came over slamming the book on your desk closed. You didn’t hear what she was saying the anger coursing through your mind taking over. You grabbed the textbook slamming it onto the floor before storming out of the classroom, luckily the bell had just rung which meant that it was lunch.

You finally made it to the cafeteria, and all you wanted to do was sit and ignore everyone but that was too good to be true when Reggie Mantle came up to the table and began talking to Toni.

“Yo Topaz thought you had a girlfriend?”

“Yeah… and’

“Well it’s just could your skirt get any shorter I mean I can practically see…” You couldn’t take it you stood up sending a right hook straight into the side of his face. He stumbled back but didn’t regain his footing before you punched him again, and again. Toni pulled you off and you had came back into reality realizing what you had done. You ran out of the school realizing that Toni was supposed to drive you home after because Sweet Pea wasn’t there, but at the point, you were at you didn’t care so you ran home. You were hoping that maybe when you got there a hot shower would calm you down.

You got the trailer after running for a few minutes. You walked into your bathroom stripping the clothes from your body and stepping into the shower. You turned the water on waiting for it to warm up but it never did. You were pissed, you had called for someone to come and fix it and they were supposed to today, but they still hadn’t. You had to take a cold shower which did not help in calming you down. You got out and changed into a tank top and a pair of Sweet Pea's sweatpants before walking into the kitchen to make a sandwich since you hadn’t eaten lunch. You grabbed out all the ingredients you needed, you went to grab a plate before realizing they were still in the sink. You got pissed all you wanted was a goddamn sandwich but you couldn’t even have it. You reached into the sink grabbing a plate and throwing it into the nearby cabinet. Everything building up through the day finally came out. You picked up a glass-throwing it onto the floor before going into the living room.

You were screaming at this point all control of your body lost. You could feel the heaviness that laid in your chest and how much your body was shaking with the tension that built during the day. You grabbed things anything you could find throwing it against the walls, and against the floor. You looked to the wall seeing the mirror that hung and seeing yourself in it made you even angrier, you fist connected with the mirror it shattering by your feet surprisingly leaving only a few scratches on your hand. You found your phone sitting on the couch almost throwing it before a hand had grabbed yours. You didn’t pay any mind to it going to the couch and throwing the pillows and cushions everywhere. You continued until a pair of strong arms wrapped around your body dragging you to the floor with them. You tried getting away smacking and kicking but they wouldn’t let you go. You tried elbowing the person but that didn’t work either they just kept you contained. It didn’t matter though you wanted to get up you wanted to get away. Then the voice cut through.

“Y/N I’m here now calm down, it’s okay, your going to be okay”

“No Pea let me go” You kept thrashing trying to get away.

“I’m not letting you go, hey calm down”

“Get your hands off of me Sweet Pea!” You began punching his chest again, but it was no use he was stronger than you.

“I’m not letting you go” 

“Let me go!” 

Princess stop your gonna be okay I promise” The nickname he used for you always cut through any thoughts you had. Your fists stopped punching as you realized who you had been hitting. The tears welling up in your eyes. You were shaking, hyperventilating, the anger slowly dissipating into fear and embarrassment. His grip had tightened around you, still not letting you go as your body relaxed into the warmth that his held.

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry”  he continued to hold you. “I, I don’t know what happened. I shouldn’t… I need to go, let me go!”

“I’m not letting you go”

“I need to clean up. I broke things, I’m sorry”

“Baby calm down… hey it’s okay”

“No, no it’s not let me go” You tried getting up again but it was no use

“Bay calm down, it’s okay just take a breath for a second”

“It’s not, It’s not okay. Pea why… Why do you stay with me? Go be with someone who doesn’t do shit like this. Go and be with someone normal. I’m, I’m not worth it”

“Hey we are going to get through this we get through this every time it happens”

“No Sweet Pea, no you need to let me go, let me leave, you can have a calmer better life without me always destroying things. Just let me clean this up and let me leave, you shouldn’t have to be involved in this I’m not letting you be involved, I’m leaving” He must have been shocked by the words that left you because his grip loosened for a split second allowing you to stand, but it wasn’t long before he had pulled you back down pulling you into his lap.

“You are not leaving me. You don���t get to decide what I can and can’t be involved in. We have been friends for how long Y/N what 6 years and for 3 of those years we have been dati I have been with you through everything. This, your issues and my issues, have become both of our issues long before we were dating. You can’t control what goes on in that head of yours. It’s not your fault. We will get through this. Me and you. It is not just you, I will never let it be just you. You can’t just push me away no matter how hard you want to, I choose to be here with you. I choose to help you, and I will always choose to help you.”

“You were crying at that point hearing the words leave his mouth. You laid in his chest slowly drifting to sleep, your episodes always made you tired.

“Baby I’m gonna put you in bed and clean this up okay, I promise I will come to lay down with you when I’m done okay” 

“No, no I’m awake let me help it’s my mess”

“Princess stop, really let me clean it up” 

“No I can’t, I need to help I did this” 

“No, you don’t... really baby let me. You're tired okay you need to sleep. I want to clean it up okay. I promise that it’s not an inconvenience and I promise that your not making me okay?”

“are you sure Pea?”

“yes I am sure, now I am going to carry you into bed” He slowly got up making his way to the bed before placing you in it and pulling the covers over your head. He gave a light kiss to your forehead before walking out of the room. As you were drifting off you relayed the memories of how he was the one who was always there when you were at your worst, the one that always calmed you down when no one else could. It has always been him, and It would always be him. He was the one person you didn’t have to be perfect for, the one person you could just be you in front of

[thatonecurlygirl]

Navigating Nick Amaro [7]

Fandom: Law and Order: SVU Pairing: Nick x Reader Word Count: 1.5k Warning: ... Read More: Navigating Nick Amaro 

You lay there, tangled up in Nick as his arms are draped over you, pulling you in close to his warm chest. His face resting in the crook of your neck, he softly kisses behind your ear and along your jaw. His fingers run along the soft skin of your stomach. You are enjoying the moment, knowing that this won’t — can’t — last much longer.  You cuddle deeper into his arms, sighing as cold chill runs through your body from your scalp to your toes as his soft lips brush across the back of your neck.

Last night was amazing, better than you ever imagined it would be and you can’t lie, you’d imagined this happening a lot lately. He was soft and sweet, yet lustful as he devoured you and you, him. The two of you fell asleep in each other's arms and woke up the same way. He hasn’t let you go since, as if he is afraid you would run away if he did.

“You should stay in California with me.” He whispers softly.

“What?” You ask, voice just as soft as his. 

“You should stay in California, forget going back. You could move in with me if you want. I have enough room for you.”

Is he saying what you think he is saying?

“No,” you shake your head.

“No?”

“No,” You peel his arms off you and sit up in the bed, pulling on the dress you were wearing and standing up off the bed. “Nick, I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” He sits up, sheets falling from his bare chest and gathering in his lap. “Why can’t you?”

“Nick, I have a life back in New York. I have a job. I can’t just spontaneously leave.”  You breathe out, eyes wide in panic.

You have to plant your feet to the floor. Looking at Nick you have to force yourself not to give in to the elastic-like pull you feel toward Nick. You cannot give in to those deep brown eyes that are nearly begging you to stay.

“I’m here, y/n. I’m part of your life too. And what job? You said you were going to quit.”

“Yeah in a month, maybe two… or six. I don’t know Nick, but you can’t expect me to just pick up and follow you just because you asked me to.” You sit on the bed opposite him.

“That’s never stopped us before. What happened to, ‘I’d follow you to the ends of the Earth, Nick. You’re my best friend.’?” He asks incredulously.

“We were teenagers, Nick and we…” You trail off.

“We what? We hadn’t fucked?” He scoffs. “This has nothing to do with us sleeping together, Y/n. This is about you being my best friend.”

“That’s the thing, Nick.” You can feel the tears well up in your eyes. “You’re my best friend and we slept together. The scariest thing I can imagine happening is risking our friendship, Nick. We- we shouldn’t have done this.”

“Y/n-”

You raise your hands motioning for him to stop, not to say anything else as the tears fall down your face. You pick your bag up from off the floor and look dead at Nick who is pulling on a pair of boxers and standing up. As he takes a step toward you, you take a step back. Shaking your head, you wipe your face with the back of your hand. He reaches out, gently touching your arm.

“I need a shower.” You pull away from his touch and head to the bathroom.

You slowly close the door behind you, refusing to look back at Nick. You turn the lock and pull off the dress. It hits the ground with a soft, muffled sound. Sliding the glass shower door open and reaching in, you turn on the shower before running to the toilet at the pull in your stomach takes over. You can feel the anxiety rattling your body, the heaving in your stomach as the warm acidic vomit makes it’s way past your esophagus. Your uncontrollable crying brings on wave upon wave of sick in its wake as you sit, naked on the cold floor, hunched over the toilet.

After what seems like forever, you collect yourself from the floor weak from the panic induced vomiting and the feeling of death approaching that you just experienced. Sliding into the shower, you let the scalding water lightly burn your skin, turning it a sensitive shade of pink. You wash your hair and brush your teeth, scrubbing your face of the tears that raced from your wet eyes. When you turn off the shower, you just stand there letting water drip from your body, from the bun on the top of your head.

After drying off, you throw on a tank top and some sweatpants before gathering your things and walking out with your head hung low.

“It��s all yours.” You say to Nick who is sitting on the bed, head in hands.

He stands up, grabbing a few things before heading toward the bathroom. “Look, I’m sorry that-”

“Can we not talk about this?” You ask, voice small and pleading.

“What, like, forget it happened?” He asks, sounding offended.

When you just shrug your shoulders he turns away from you and continues to the bathroom, leaving you alone with the two beds. One neatly put together as if no one had even touched it. The other bed, a mess of blanket and pillows that are strewn everywhere, the sheets tangled within each other. Looking at it all you can think of it how you were tangled up with Nick like your emotions are al tangled and knotted.

Nick stands under the streams of warm water. His arms are extended, palms flattened out and pressing against the shower wall. It’s as if he is using all his strength to keep the walls standing, but if you look closely it’s more like the shower wall is the firm and stable thing keeping him up, keeping him from drowning… wallowing and beating himself up for letting this happen.

“If that’s what she wants.” He says to himself, eyes closed tight, taking in shallow and shaky breaths.

The water showers down on his bowed head and drips off his cheeks, he is honestly unsure of whether there are tears mixed in along with them. He’s been in love with you since late high school. He realized it your senior year of high school when Ben ditched you at the homecoming dance. Something in him that day changed, but he didn’t want the friendship between the two of you to change so he left it at that, swooped in as just a friend and nothing changed.

Nick has been ‘best friend’ all these years despite his feelings toward you. He always pushed those to the back burner — hell pushed them all the way off — and that’s probably why all his other relationships have fallen apart. None of those other women could compare, they weren’t his best friend, the one he truly loves like none other. But, it’s like you said, the two of you shouldn’t have done it. It shouldn’t have happened. If it makes you happy, he’ll do as you requested. Pretend it didn’t happen. Go back to normal. Whatever the hell that means now.

You fall back onto the untouched bed, staring up at the ceiling as you anxiously play with the bottom hem of your shirt. You make out faces in the bumpy and grainy effects of the popcorn ceiling. There’s a dog, a sun, a clown that was hit by a truck… a broken heart.

You quickly sit up as the bathroom door opens, Nick steps out dressed, but his hair dripping water. He barely looks at you as he walks over and grabs his bag. He walks to the end of the other bed and leans down, picking up the panties of your that had been discarded last night and handing them to you.

“Let’s hit the road.” He nods to the door. “We have about three hours left.”

“I’ll drive.” You offer.

“No, it’s okay. I’ve got it.” He smiles at you and he tries and fails at making it look sincere, all you can see behind that smile is sorrow.

The two of you head out of the room, taking the elevator in awkward silence as a couple steps on behind you. They standoff to the corner, huddled up together and looking adoringly into each other’s eyes. It makes you sick, disgusted although you have no reason to be. It’s as if you cannot take your eyes off of them and when you finally are able to peel your eyes away, you see Nick staring at them, the same look in his eyes.

“What floor?” You ask the couple who break away and look over at you.

“Ground.” The man says.

Nodding, you take a step back away from Nick as you stare down at your feet. This is going to be a long and awkward ride to his new place and spending two extra days there to help him move in seems almost impossible.

_ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . 

@sigh-me-a-river  @kaybee87  @svucarisiaddict  @babypink224221  @sonnysdoll  @sasbb23  @encounterthepast  @breakawayfromeveryday @mrsamaroevans

[xopheliasunflowerx]

100 prompts list!

1. “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” (You choose if it’s serious or in a joking way.)

2. “If I see you anywhere near her/him, I’ll drown you in the river.”

3. “H-How long have you been standing there for?”

4. “I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified.” ✔️

5. “When are you gonna realise I don’t care?”

6. “Who the fuck gave you that black eye?!”

7. “Oh, god! You’ve insulted me! What ever shall I do? I’ll be mentally and emotionally scarred for years!”

8. “Don’t say you love me.”

9. “It’s a hobby of mine to prove you wrong.”

10. “Why’d you push me against the wall?” ✔️

11. “Oh, I’m sorry, is the sound of winning too loud for you?”

12. “I never met an criminal before, what’s your cool code name?” ✔️

13. “Have we robbed this bank before? I feel like we have.” ✔️

14. “Serving looks is what I do, honey.”

15. “Looking at you makes me want to strive for better things.”

16. “Aww, look who actually has a heart under the darkness.” ✔️

17. “Was that a compliment or?”

18. “Just fucking take the damn compliment before I tell (their best friend/enemy).”

19. “I think we need an adult, but a better one than all of us.”

20. “I just lied to a guard, am I bad ass or what.”

21. “I don’t think an axe is sharp enough.”

22. “We have talked about this before, no murder before supper, it’s rude manners.”

23. “You’re giving me that sexy look again.”

24. “Living with you drama queens is like having my own personal reality TV show.”

25. “You piss me off, I sometimes wanna kill you but I’m in love with you.”

26. “You’re just easy.”

27. “We’re not the Kardashians.”

28. “I fucking hate you! Stop looking at me all sexy.”

29. “The king has declared there shall be chocolate for everyone!”

30. “Don’t say you love me.”

31. “Name, please. Oh why? Well I’m gonna hung that fucker down an kill’em myself. Duh.”

32. “Always.”

33. “Kiss my ass.”

34. “What did you say?”

35. “Don’t ask me that.”

36. “I told you not to fall in love with me.”

37. “Did you just throw underwear at the lounge?”

38. “I’m not actually feeling anything. But I can hear your annoyingness.”

39. “Do you want me to leave?”

40. “That’s the problem. I can’t, I can’t wipe your tears through the damn phone screen.” ✔️

41. “You think you’re the boss of me just because you’re hot?” ✔️

42. “Bite me.” ✔️

43. “Did you mean the things you said?”

44. “Never gonna happen.”

45. “Why is my shirt pink?”

46. “I want to be there with you.”

47. “If you turn your back on me again, you better be bending over.”

48. “You’re a hell of a tease.” ✔️

49. “Is that a boner?”

50. “What’s the latest gossip? I’ve been dead/busy/in prison remember.”

51. “Stop. Do not let anyone, ever, tell you that you are not good enough. Pick yourself up and tell them to shut the fuck up. Prove them wrong.”✔️

52. “Wanna go on a murder spree?”

53. “Who did I need to kill?”

54. “I’ve got you, I’m here.”

55. “Quit saying you’re bored, or I’ll find a way to entertain you.” ✔️

56. “Hey you won an award. Yeah, for literally being the most annoying person on the planet.”

57. “Nothing bad is gonna happen, alright?”

58. “Truthfully, I have no idea what’s going on. Like ever.”

59. “Where’s the pizza?”

60. “Who died and made you a mini me?”

61. “Do you love me?”

62. “I needed you and you weren’t here.” ✔️

63. “I brought popcorn.”

64. “You make me self-destructive.”

65. “Why can’t you just let someone care about you.”

66. “That’s too much effort.”

67. “I see you hiding behind the couch.”

68. “You better shut the fuck up before I make you.”

69. “Kinky.”

70. “HOW THE FUCK DID YOU SURVIVE THAT? ARE YOU JASON BOORNE/JAMES BOND?”

71. “I’m a psychopath making a difference!”

72. “So you’re saying that you want me, a villain, to hell you catch another villain? That makes no sense.”

73. “YOU RIPPED MY OUTFIT! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK TO MAKE THIS SHIT!”

74. “Are you crying? Holy shit, I didn’t know that goldfish meant so much to you.”

75. “Let go of my fucking shirt, unless you plan on taking it off.”

76. “Your hair is really soft are you wash it.”

77. “No shit Sherlock.”

78. “Would it be alright if I borrowed your sweater? It smells like you.”

79. “I think I love you.”

80. “Shush and go back to bed.”

81. “Don’t be silly. I want to stay up with you.”

82. “You’re so short, it’s adorable.”

83. “You’re so tall, it’s fucking annoying.”

84. “STOP PLAYING PRANKS ON ME!”

85. “Star-gazing was a really great idea.”

86. “I heard you talking in your sleep.”

87. “Can you please come and get me?” ✔️

88. “Because I care about you!”

89. “That’s because I am.”

90. “Stop telling me you’re okay.”

91. “I could just use a hug.”

92. “Did you eat all of my pop tarts again?”

93. “Backseats aren’t as comfortable as the movies make them out to be.”

94. “Hey, whose side you on here?”

95. “We could... you know, go together if you want.”

96. “You deserved that.”

97. “Stop perverting me.”

98. “You look hot in that.”

99. “Trust me, I know exactly what I’m doing. Mostly.”

100. “So, I found this waterfall...”

Feel free to request!

(I updated it because the ticks are the ones that has been asked to write.)

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

The Eel River Inn (6/?)

Bucky Barnes is nervous for this date. It’s his first real date in almost 70 years. It doesn’t matter that you’ve already slept with him. It doesn’t matter that he knows some of your most painful secrets. He wants to do this right. He wants you to cuddle into his arms tonight and feel butterflies in your tummy as he kisses you goodnight. You deserve to be spoiled and petted. You deserve to have someone worship the ground you walk on. 

He wants it to be him. He wants you to run to him when the world is too big and too harsh. He wants you to be his to protect. His peace in the storm. As he shaved and dressed, he felt shabby and he hoped he wouldn’t embarrass you. He hadn’t planned on going anywhere fancy. Maybe a dive bar for a beer. His jeans had holes and he did his best to shine his boots and find a not threadbare shirt. 

 His hands are trembling and his stomach is in knots. When he hears your truck he almost jumps out of his skin. He goes to the door and opens it, throwing his jacket over his shoulder. He isn’t ready for what you look like though. Your butter yellow dress, red lips, dainty white flats and hair in soft curls framing your face. His every daydream during the war come to life. When you smile at him, he can’t help but grin at you. “You look beautiful,” he says warmly, kissing you hello. You turn the cutest shade of pink he’s ever seen and bite your lip, “I clean up okay for a grease monkey,” you say with a shrug. Bucky frowns and tilts your chin up, “Doll, you gotta be kidding me. I’m gonna be watching you like a hawk all night just to keep other guys from trying to steal you away. You are everything I ever dreamed about when I was stuck in Germany... A whole daydream come to life.” You look up at him from under your lashes. Most of the time you felt like you were impersonating a girl instead of being one. You spent so long covered in grease and sweat. Being one of the boys to protect yourself from the constant barrage of toxic masculinity and empty swinging dick talk. “I think you’re beautiful all the time,” he whispered conspiratorially, “But you caught me off guard, Doll. I thought you were gonna take it easy on me now that you know I’m a senior citizen.” 

That coaxes a laugh out of you, easy and carefree, “Lord,” you say, rolling your eyes. But you pull him into a kiss that tells him all the things you can’t say and he melts into you. When you pull away, he isn’t nervous anymore. This is exactly what he wants. You’re his, covered in grease or dressed like a daydream. “So, where to, Sweetheart?” he asked, opening the passenger door of your truck for you and helping you inside. “Out of the parking lot and to the left,” you say, kissing his cheek. He does as you tell him, holding your hand except for when he needs to shift gears.

When he pulls up in the parking lot of the drive-in movie, you smile at him and kiss the hand you’re holding, “I decided I’d rather make you watch a movie with me,” you say at his amused glance. “I want a cuddle and I want to eat popcorn while watching Giant monsters fight.” He kisses your cheek and smiles, “I’ll get the popcorn, Doll.” He hops out of the truck and strolls through the lanes of cars. He’d only ever really seen one of these things in movies. He figured they were extinct. Like Dodos or Lemmings. He buys popcorn and sodas, ignoring the looks his hand gets. The hand you kiss without thinking about it when he touches your cheek with it. 

When he gets back to you, you cuddle into his side and put your feet on the seat next to you, happily munching on popcorn. Bucky relaxes into the moment. It’s mundane and you’re just so pretty. When you look up at him, happy and smiling, he wants to tell you that he loves you but he makes himself stay quiet. 

The movie ends and Bucky drives to your house, he doesn’t hesitate. He carries you into the house and up to your room. Your dress and his clothes litter the floor but he doesn’t make love to you, he pulls you into his arms and relishes the warmth of your body, He listens to you falling asleep, your hand on his heart. He lets himself fall asleep, his arms around you. It feels right. 

It feels right with you right up until you have to leave for your flight. When he kisses you goodbye, you promise to call him when the plane lands. He promises to be safe going back to New York. You pull him down to kiss him again and smile, “I miss you and I’m not even on the plane yet,” you tell him. He smiles and kisses your forehead, “Don’t worry, Doll,” he says, “I won’t stay away long. You’re my best girl. I love you too much to...” he stops and his cheeks turn red. He hadn’t meant to say it. He’d meant to wait. But when he looks at your face, you’ve gone from the brink of tears to smiling, “I love you, too.” He laughs and pulls you into a kiss that bruises your lips. You almost miss your flight because you just can’t stop kissing him. But as you walk away from him it takes all your self-control not to turn back around. Not to run back into his arms. Bucky has to physically hold onto the railing to keep from chasing you. 

He wants to run right back to your house. To your bed. He wants to lay in the rumpled bedding and find himself over and over again as you say his name and plead so prettily for more. He’d discovered a lot about your likes and dislikes this week. You liked to take charge about as often as you liked him to be in charge. The more of your buttons he could find the more he liked them. You were a goddess between the sheets and he knew that he’d start craving you soon. That he’d be desperate to be with you again before it had been a few days. It was everything about you that drew him in and made him want to stay. Not just the sex but the feel of the air when you walked into a room. The energy changed. Everything got warmer and softer. You were home, he knew. It didn’t matter where he went, you would always be home. 

With nothing to do but mope and be sad on the plane, you turn your attention to work, pulling your laptop out of your bag. It’s a long flight and you know you won’t sleep, not when the feel of Bucky’s last kiss is still making you tingle. You figure if you can focus you might be able to write a decent climax to a love story before the plane lands.

You can’t. 

You get hit with a rush of feelings and sit in the seat, head on the window and your arms wrapped around yourself feeling vulnerable and exposed. By the time your flight lands your brain has settled on “Crushing Depression” and Lady is practically climbing into your lap trying to fix it. You’re too numb to even cry as you go to get your bag. You just want to go home. Fuck the movie deal. Fuck meeting that actor who likes your work. You just want to sleep.

But first, you call Bucky. “Hey, Handsome,” you say when he says hello. 

Bucky can hear a shift in your tone of voice. You’re always fairly quiet spoken and the forced nature of your current talking volume is super evident. “You okay, baby?” he asks. The question makes you want to cry but instead, you force yourself to say, “I’m okay, just tired.” He doesn’t believe you. You don’t sound okay. You sound like you need someone to be there. “Y/N,” he said gently, pausing in the process of packing his bags to head back to New York, “You take care of yourself, you hear me?” He can hear Lady’s tags jingle and the soft thud of a trunk closing. “I’m okay,” you insist, “Just... missing you. I always deal with feelings when I have to leave the house. I just have a couple extra piled on today.” He smiles a little, “I’m here whenever you need me,” he says, “Just call.”

“I love you,” you say. “I love you, too Doll.” he says. The line goes dead and he snorts. You hate talking on the phone. He’s actually a little surprised you didn’t just text him.

You bury yourself in work to cope with your feelings, texting Bucky pictures of funny things and wtf things that you see running around in LA. 

Bucky tries to hide his feelings for you, maintaining his privacy a while longer but, during training with Steve when his phone chimes that he has a message and he stops mid punch to dodge out of the way to answer it, Steve has had enough. “Bucky,” he says, “What the fuck are you doing?” Natasha strolls over, “More accurately, who are you doing?” she asks smirking. 

Bucky feels his cheeks color and Steve gapes at him for a second, “You got a girlfriend?” That makes Bucky smile. He hadn’t asked you or anything. But you loved him. “What’s her name?” Nat asked nudging his shoulder playfully. “Y/N,” he says, “She’s an author.” Steve punches Bucky’s flesh arm and laughs, “I should have known you wouldn’t stay in some backwater little town for anything short of a girl.” Bucky rolls his eyes and Nat smiles, “Got a picture?” she asks.

“A clothed picture,” Steve jokes earning a look from Bucky. “They’re all clothed,” he says mildly, “She’s a good girl, a real sweetheart. I was roaming around town looking for a bite to eat and she asked me if I was lost after I damn near knocked her over.” He scrolls for his favorite picture of you. You’re walking across the yard with a rag in your hands and Lady by your side. There’s grease on your face and your hair is in a bun, caught up in your hat to keep it out of your face. You’d been working on a neighbor’s car. A single mom with 3 kids who couldn’t afford a mechanic in town so she paid you in her kids doing your yard work and looking after your house when you traveled. You’re mid step and laughing at the kids who are pestering you about spoilers for your new book. He didn’t know what it was his favorite, only that it was. Natasha smiled, “She’s a cutie,” she said, “A little more ‘girl next door’ than bombshell but she suits you.” Steve takes a look and smiles a little, “Nah,” Steve said, “That’s his type. It’s always been his type. She looks like trouble.”

“For an author, she looks like she doesn’t spend much time writing,” Natasha observed. Bucky shrugged, “She studied some experimental mechanics shit in College so she tinkers. She was fixing a neighbor’s car.” Natasha tilts her head, “Is her last name Y/L/N?” she asks. Bucky pauses, “Yeah, why?”

Natasha smiles a little sadly “I thought I knew her from somewhere,” she said. She sighs, “I was there, doing recon right before her mental break. She was always really nice. Supportive. Drank unholy amounts of coffee and would smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day. Lightning fast welder. Super manic all the time and it wasn’t all the coffee. I was about to offer her a job with S.H.E.I.L.D. when she lept off a 4th-floor catwalk after spending the better part of the day hallucinating a conversation with someone. I always wondered what happened to her after that. She was too nice a person to be working in a place like that.” Bucky nodded, “She started writing while she was in the hospital. And it all just kinda worked. She’s in talks to get a book made into a movie now.” Bucky is proud of you, Steve can read it on his face. 

“Stark probably knows her too,” Natasha muses, “I know he tried to get her to come talk at the Stark Expo a few years ago and he was a little irritated when she politely declined. She’s got a couple pieces of tech she’s designed that he wants permission to use. Or at least she did a few years ago. I dunno if he ever managed to get a hold of her.” Steve snorts, “Stark didn’t just pay her off?” Natasha shook her head, “He tried, she said she had a previous engagement that was going to last the duration of the expo. She hung up on him before he could get out that it was a year-long thing and then wouldn’t return any of his other calls. She went radio silent after that.” Bucky smiled a little, “She was probably writing. Or bouncing around the globe doing whatever it is she does when she gets on a plane for a not work-related trip.”

Steve shook his head and sighed, “You’re a goner, Buck.” Bucky doesn’t even try to deny it. He can’t wait to see you again. 

[onigirishawn]

losin control

Summary : Based on the song ‘Losin Control’ by Russ. You find it hard to give your love and trust to Shawn because of the way your ex treated you, despite Shawn telling you that his intentions were nothing like your ex. Even though Shawn is proving to you that he isn’t going to take your love for granted you still battle an internal conflict because of your past relationship.

Word count : 1,685

(Lots of skips and fast forward)

-

Your POV

“So really, I truly do hate tomatoes. I’m pretty bummed I’m not allergic to them.” Shawn admits with disgust. I’ve been laughing at him for the past hour as we talked about some random stuff. We were sitting on the coach of my small living room watching the telly while eating popcorn. Not sure if I would call it a date, both of us never clarified it. But I knew I was falling for this man. We have been friends for a while now. That’s just it, just friends. That’s what I tell myself all the time whenever I’m with him because I know for a fact I’m not up to Shawn freaking Mendes’ standards. I don’t think I’m up to anyone’s standards.

I sighed to the thought of it, earning a concerned look from Shawn. “Hey what’s wrong?” He said rubbing my arm, which surprised me since this was the first time he was so physical. I flinched slightly at the sudden act to which he muttered ,”Sorry.” I quickly reassured him,”No Shawn don’t be. I was just uh thinking about something else..” I tried to laugh it off, hoping the conversation would change from this awkward madness. I quickly looked back at him, “So when are you leaving?” I asked. “Ah the tour? I’m leaving this Friday.” Fuck that’s in another 3 days . The thought of him leaving made me sad, even though I wasn’t even dating this man. I just got sad by his absence. Another clear sign I was falling for him.

“Ah, shouldn’t you be preparing yourself? Like packing or something.” I asked.

“It can wait.” He laughed. “Shawn! Are you prepared? This is a big thing. I hope coming over wasn’t a big mistake.” I hit his arm playfully.

“Being with you is never a mistake.” He said. “It’s really all I liked to do.” He added, looking into my eyes. “Shawn...”

Perhaps Shawn was being friendly so I laughed it off, “Ah we can always FaceTime or something. You will have so many friends coming along with you, the crew! I’m sure it’ll be fine.” I reassured.

“That’s not really what I meant.” He said. I gulped. My heart started to race. “So.. what do you mean?” I finally asked.

With no words, Shawn leaned in closed, and I knew where this was going. Don’t flinch Y/N. Don’t flinch. I closed my eyes and I soon felt his soft lips press on mine. I could taste the hint of caramel from the popcorn we had earlier on. Things escalated passionately as he wrapped his hands around my waist to pull me closer. I didn’t remember the last time I kissed..which was with my ex. The thought pulled me away from the kiss, but not roughly, I slowly parted my lips away. Still letting our noses touch. The whole situation was still a bizarre , I wanted to know what was going on.

“Shawn...”

“Oh god you have no idea how long I waited to do that.” He whispered. “Y/N , I’m in love with you. And I mean it.” With my hands around his neck, I looked into his eyes and I smiled, which almost brought me to tears. I shake my head, “You have no idea how I feel about you too, Shawn.” And I kissed him again passionately.

-

“I’m going to miss you Y/N.” Shawn said as he pulled me into a hug. “I’ll contact you once I land, so check on your phone yeah? Unless you’re busy.” He asked. I nodded, “No worries. You have fun okay? Stay safe , please . This is really exciting for you and I’m super proud of you.” I said to him in the hug, he hugs me tighter. We pull away, “So Y/N what are we?” He asked, holding both of my hands.

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t come up with the right words. I wanted to express how I felt but I flinched at the thought. I immediately thought of the commitment, and I feared a broken heart. I feared what I had experienced in the past.

Shawn sighed, which made me feel guilty. “You can think about it okay? I understand.” I nodded and thanked for his understanding. He knew about my past with my ex. But I couldn’t help but to feel so guilty for leaving Shawn without an answer. He hugged me one last time and shared our goodbyes.

-

“Hey how’s the tour going on so far?” I ask Shawn on FaceTime. “Ah man Y/N I’m exhausted.” I immediately felt guilty for calling him in the first place, I should’ve never called. “Oh I’m so sorry Shawn I didn’t know.. I’ll hang up and we’ll talk again soon yeah? Have some rest.” .

“No Y/N I want to hear you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you... about us..”

“Shawn... I-I don’t know what to say. I like you too. You have no idea.. I just..” I sighed. “It’s your ex right?” . I nodded. “Y/N... I’m not like him I swear. I would never treat you the way he did. He doesn’t see what I see. He doesn’t see what all of us sees. You’re so beautiful Y/N. Which is why I’m falling so hard for you. I know that I can treat you better. (Pun intended ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).” He expressed. Tears formed in my eyes and I quickly used the sleeves of my sweater to wipe them away. “Come on tour with me.”

What . “Shawn no way, I-“ . “No Y/N I mean it. I want to show you the world. I want you by my side.”

-

It’s been 2 weeks into the tour so far after I joined in. It’s been amazing. The crowds. Shawn was truly amazing live. I couldn’t help but to fall in love every time I see him on stage. A part of me felt so lucky to be able to have him in my life. We were finally dating after I came on tour. But a part of me still felt insecure.

After every concert Shawn would come back exhausted. We were in Amsterdam for the weekend and Shawn insisted we stay on for a while. We were in bed, cuddling. Lights were out but we still had the light coming in from the window. Shawn rubbed circles on my back as we talked. His hand slowly traced down to my legs. He was gentle. He looked up to me, “You make me so happy.” To which I smiled. We kissed and the kiss grew more passionate, especially in the moonlight. Shawn’s hands made his way up to my thighs. I flinched and I broke the kiss. “Babe I’m so sorry, I should’ve asked.” I shake my head, “No Shawn it’s not your fault..I just.. I just I’m not ready.” I sighed. Shawn cupped my face, “It’s alright. I want you to know you can trust me.” . I nodded, “Thank you.”

-

It’s been a year since we’ve started dating now. And I only start growing more and more worried. The ticking on the clock only makes me panic at the possible thoughts that Shawn might’ve left me. Despite how much he tries to reassure me it never stopped me from feeling this way. It was 1am now and I sit down on the coach, worried. Shawn hasn’t been replying my texts lately and I tried my best not to sound annoying to him. But today made me worried. I went to bed alone. I woke up to no trace of him at all. He didn’t reply his phone. He was not on social media. I grew worried. Twitter didn’t make me feel better. Shawn had been involved in a few performances lately and he was always snapped in the bar after a performance with his mates and some girls. I couldn’t help but to feel like he wasn’t interested anymore. Tears form up in my eyes.

I hear the door click open and immediately looked back. “Shawn!” I run to him. I start crying, “Why haven’t you called?! I’ve been worried sick.” I start crying, beating his chest. He wrapped his arms around me as tears ran down my cheeks like a river. I stop beating and cried into his chest. “I thought you left. I thought maybe you’d find someone else. I thought you aren’t happy with me anymore.” I cried. He tried to calm me down. “I would never. I’m not him Y/N.”

And that was how Shawn was. Despite everything he never failed to reassure me. I felt like a burden. I love Shawn but it was an en endless battle I had to face after the trauma. The trauma of being neglected and cheated on by my ex. It was painful for sure. Because I once did fall for my ex just as much as I did for Shawn. I wasn’t sure until when was this internal conflict going to last.

Shawn expressed his dedication to make me look at love the way he sees it, to let me change my perspective on things and to finally live the life I want with him. He didn’t stop and never stopped showing his love, which gave me a hope in true love after all.

-

Hi guys I wrote this in a rush. I’m so sorry if it’s crap. I might make another one like this but we’ll see hehe. Tell me what you guys think

[nirhauma]

I’m facing a terrible dilemma. A guy from work has tickets to the ice hockey world cup that’s being played in Denmark. He asked me if I wanted to go with him. I interpret it as a date. He assumes I’m single which is not a crime since I’m a foreigner who just moved here, living alone in a one-bedroom flat. I wouldn’t expect him to inquire if despite this I happen to have a husband in another country.

Fuck this. I don’t know why I’m even pretending to ask for advice because I’ve already made up my mind. I don’t give a rat’s ass if Foxy or this guy gets upset. Cry me a river. It’s free hockey tickets and I’m sure he will get me popcorn and a beer as well. I’d be willing to do worse things. Maybe I’ll let him finger me to clear my conscience. I’d like to get fingered by someone anyway after masturbating for almost two months. He’s a surgeon and can tie a one-handed knot.

[artificialqueens]

Your life is gonna change me (Biadore) Chapter 5 - AbbiNeedless

“Can we come in?”

Adore looked at her office’s door and found Aja standing with Farrah by her side.

“Sure.”

She closed the book she was reading and looked at her students.

“Is something wrong?” “Not at all!” Aja said. “Actually we’re here to give you a little present.”

Farrah took from her backpack a little pink box with a white gift bow.

“Aww, that’s so sweet!” “I chose the wrapping and the bow.” Farrah said when she gave her the box. “I can see.” She opened their present and found four seeds with a red ribbon each. “I’ve seen these before but I don’t remember what are those.” “Those are ojos de venado.” Aja explained her. “It’s an amulet against bad influences, bad vibes and envies.” “Wow…” “Yeah, you should wear it now that you’re pregnant and give one to your wife, for protection.” “And these other two are for my kids?” “Yeah, my mama used to say that every baby should wear it so people couldn’t do them a mal de ojo.” “Thank you, girls, this is a very good and cute gift.” The girls walked to her and hugged her, Aja helped her to wear the amulet in her wrist. “You’re welcome, mrs Delano.” Farrah said and hugged her one last time. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” “See you, girls!”

—-

Mom: Adore Adore: I didn’t do it! Adore: wassup? Mom: Come to the house, I have a surprise for you Adore: I’ll be there :3

—-

Adore closed her car’s door and walked to the house.

“Why dos this fucking path has to be steep? Goddamn it.”

She opened the door’s house.

“Mom?” “Kitchen!”

Adore put her things in her mom’s couch and walked to where the voice came, she found her mom with a lot of worsted balls in the table and two little hand knitted blankets.

“Oh my God, you knitted those?” She sat next to her mom and took a pink blanket in her hands, it felt soft and warm. “I did.” Bonnie looked proud of her work. “You never knit.” “I only knit in special occasions.” She smile to her daughter. “I haven’t finished them yet, I still need to put their names with white thread so they look perfect for my grandbabies’ cribs.” “You still have four months, mom.” “Those months will be gone before you realize.” She took her daughters hands. “How have you being feeling?” “My boobs are bigger, mom and my back hurts a lot.” “Everyone can see that your boobs are bigger, Adore, they’re getting huge!” “I didn’t know that was something that happened now, I thought it would be when they were almost here.” “Nope, it happens now. What about your back? How many pillows do you need to sleep?” “Like five, my back always fucking hurts, even when I’m in bed and… Mom.” “What? Is something wrong?” “Mom…” “Is something wrong?” “They’re moving.” She took her hand and placed in her stomach. “They’re moving!” “Oh God.” She put both hands on her daughter stomach, she could feel how both of her grandbabies were moving inside of her daughter, it almost made her cry. “You better sign these kids in dancing lessons when they grow up.” “I’ll ask Alyssa or maybe Laganja.” She said with a big smile. “Sasha said that I’m going to be feeling their moves more often now that they’re bigger, it’s so surreal!” “I know, it’s always like this with the first pregnancy.” Bonnie said. “Ernie never let me sleep, he was always dancing in here!” “Ethan and Willow must be learning how to dance tango, just look at them!” “Sign them with Alyssa.”

—-

Tyra: Bianca? Bianca: I’m on my studio, do you need something? Tyra: could you please come to my office? I need to talk to you Bianca: why don’t you come to my studio? I’m busy with the gown for Dakota Fanning Tyra: you serious? Bianca: you are the one who wants to talk with me Tyra: you win, I’ll be there in a minute

—-

“Bianca?” “Come in, Tyra.”

Tyra got into her studio and walked to her, she studied the dress her mannequin was wearing.

“Take a picture.” Bianca said while she hand sewn the final details. “It last longer.” “I didn’t come here to talk about Dakota’s dress.” “Then?” “The New York fashion week of this year.” “What about it?” “Are you going to attend it?” “Of course I am, why are you asking?” “Well, I thought you were not going.” “Why?” She held the needle with her teeth. “Because of Adore’s pregnancy, I think it would better for Adore to have her wife by her side, we all know sometimes she can’t handle difficult situations like the one you are living now alone.” Courtney and Valentina turned their gaze at Bianca, she looked mad. “This is about to get real.” Courtney gave her cellphone to her daughter and looked at Valentina, she nodded. “Tyra.” Bianca said.“Adore’s pregnancy is not an impediment for me to go to the fashion week, by that time she is going to be a seven months pregnant lady and she is going to be just fine.” “If you say so.” She gave her dress a last look and walked to the door. “By the way, that dress needs a last stitch on the side.”

She took her cellphone out and typed a message.

Bianca: Can I kill Tyra? Raja: I’d love to see that but Marco would kill us if something happened to her Raja: why do you want to kill her now?? Bianca: she’s being a bitch Raja: nothing new Bianca: about Adore’s pregnancy Raja: kill her and then throw her body to a river Raja: I’ll help you!

Bianca smiled to her phone’s screen.

Bianca: I’ll have it on mind

She finished sewing the dress, it was a beautiful long sleeved dress, the fabric had a flower petal pattern that the Fanning girl had chosen herself.

“I don’t think the dress needs an extra stitch on the side.” Courtney said behind her.

Bianca nodded and walked to her desk thinking in how many ways she could call Tyra a bitch.

“Bianca, could you please stop mumbling about Tyra?” “Courtney, she was talking shit about my wife!” “Mama, what is shit?” The red haired girl who was sitting in one of the chairs asked her. “It’s a bad word that you cannot say, ok?” “But what is it?” “What Tyra says.” Bianca said and sat on her chair.

Victoria put the cellphone down and walked to Bianca.

“Don’t be angry.” “I’m already angry, Vicky.” “Then don’t be it.” “What a great solution.” She sighed and covered her face with her free hand. “Vicky, why don’t you go to play with Valentina? Auntie Bianca is a little bit upset.” “Ok, mom.”

The little girl left them alone and joined Valentina in the other side of the studio.

“Don’t be mad at Vicky, she is just worried about you.” “I’m not mad at her, I’m mad at Tyra, that bitch wants to take my spot in the fashion week so she can show her stupid bride dresses, they’re not even that good.” “Look, you have a lot of work here and that stresses you out and then there’s Adore and your kids, try to relax a little bit.” “I was relaxed until that bitch came and started to talk…” Courtney raised her eyebrows. “Dumb things about my wife.” “Try to focus on something else.”

Her cellphone lighted up with a notification, she opened the message and a smile was on her face again.

Baby Jesus eyes: look at this, Bea!! Baby Jesus eyes sent two pictures. Baby Jesus eyes: My mom knitted two blankets for Ethan and Willow with their names on it! It’s so cute I almost puked rainbows ❤��❤❤ and two of my students gave me ojos de venado, they say it keeps envies and bad vibes from the person who’s wearing it, I’m already wearing one and I have one for you and for our babies :D My willow: that amulet is what I need right now Baby Jesus eyes: I’m at my mom’s, come after work and I’ll give one to you

“Auntie Bianca?” Victoria asked her, Bianca helped her to sit in her lap. “You’re not mad anymore?” “No.” She looked at the photo of the knitted blankets with her kids names on those. “Not anymore.”

—-

“You shouldn’t wear that shit.” Bonnie said while she looked at her daughter. “Why not?” “Because is a bruja’s shit.” “It’s Santeria, I googled it and its white magic.” “All magic is bad.” “I don’t agree with that.”

The door opening noise distracted them from their fight, Bianca got into the house and smiled to them.

“Hi, Dorey. Hi, Bonnie.” “Bianca, thank God you’re here.” Bonnie said. “Come and tell your wife to stop this brujeria bullshit.” “Is this about the ojo de venado?” She kissed her wife and sat beside her. “Yeah, is not safe for her and the babies to wear that thing.” “Actually…” “…” “My mom used to make us wear them, they’re good for the person who’s wearing it.” Adore gave her mom a satisfied smile. “You see?” “Oh damnit, you know what? Do whatever you want, both of you are crazy.” “A little bit, yeah.” Adore rested her head on Bianca’s shoulder. “Well.” Bonnie handed them the knitted blankets. “These are for my grandbabies, put them on their cribs.” “We will.”

Bonnie gave them a big bear hug and walked with them to their cars.

“See you, later, mijas.” “See ya, mom.” Adore hugged Bonnie. “Take care of yourself, Adore.” “I always do it!” “I mean it, baby.” She took her daughter’s hands. “Take care of yourself.” “I will, mom, you don’t have anything to worry about.”

She got into her car and drove away.

—-

Valentina: Tia Bianca Tia B: yes, kiddo? Valentina: can I spend the night at Violet’s? Tia B: hmm… Valentina: Pleaseeeeee? :3 Tia B: yeah, whatever Valentina: Yay! See ya tomorrow :D Tia B: Don’t drink too much Valentina: who said we’re going to drink? Tia B: our missing vodka bottle Tia B: rude Valentina: oops Tia B: just be careful Valentina: I always am!

—-

Bianca put her cellphone back in her pocket and grabbed the popcorn bowl, she joined her wife in the couch and cuddled with her.

“What movie do you want to see?” Adore asked her while she scrolled down on Netflix. “Whatever is ok.” “Sure?” “Not Contact, I told Katya I was not going to watch that shit.” “Ok, Bea, no Contact.” She started to type a name in the searcher. “Last time we went to our checkup Cynthia recommended me a movie called ‘Viva’, wanna watch it?” “Sure, play it.”

—-

Bianca was laying in the grass of their garden in the middle of the night just looking at the sky and playing with the amulet on her wrist, the movie made her think a lot about her parents and all the shit that happened when she came out to them. Dede and Sammy noticed there was something wrong with her and started giving little kisses to her face.

“Oh babies.” She kissed them back. “Mama is ok!”

Don’t lie to yourself, you’re not ok.

“I’m ok… I’m ok.”

—-

Christmas 1993

“Mama…” “Don’t you dare to call me that again, Bianca.” All of her siblings went to their rooms when they saw their mom was getting angry, Tony gave her a worried look before he disappeared into the stairs. “Papa?” “Who are you?…” Her mother screamed to her not letting her husband speak. “You’ve known me your whole life and you ask me this? I am the same girl who loved to play with her brothers, I’m the same girl who had always the main role in the school plays, I am the same teenager who started to design her own clothes and I am the same Bianca you’ve called daughter for the last 18 years! I just got tired of lying to you.” “…” “I’m your daughter.” “You should have keep that for yourself.” Her mother looked away. “I raised you for better.” “Mom…” “I want you out.” “What?” “Pack your things and leave my house, I won’t have a butch living under my roof.” “Laida, come on.” Her father said. “It’s Christmas, don’t make her do this now.” “She didn’t think about that before doing this! Before she became lesbian!” “I didn’t ‘become’ a lesbian! I’m always been like this!” “Stop this, Bianca!” Her mom looked at her, the look in her eyes was terrifying, Bianca had never seen her mom this angry. “I took a decision, I want you out by tomorrow midday.” Her mother left the dining room and closed her bedroom door with a slam. “Dad?” Bianca saw the man she loved the most getting up from his chair. “Dad…” “I’m sorry, Bianca but a decision has been taken.” He walked to her and sat by her side. “I hate to do this, I really do, but it has to be done.” “You have to be kidding!” She wiped the tears from her face. “Where will I go? What am I going to do?” “We have money saved for your college, before your mother remembers it I’m going to transfer all of it to your account.” “What?” “You’ll be able to pay your studies and find a nice place for you to live, you’ll have to get a better job though but this will help you out.” “Papa…” She got up and hugged her father with all of her strength, she didn’t want to leave him, she didn’t. “Go pack your things, Bea. Tomorrow I’ll help you find a place, I’m not like your mother.” “I know… I love you, Papa.” “I love you too, Bea.”

—-

She got up and entered her house again with the dogs behind her. She went to her office and turned on her computer, she opened a new document and started typing.

Adelaida and Dante.

This is Bianca, your daughter, do you remember me? It’s been a while since the last time we saw each other, Valentina’s quinceañera party, I think it was a good day, don’t you think?

I’m writing you because I realized a lot of things in the past months and I wanted to tell you about all that since I “left” your house.

I got two degrees, one in scenic arts and one as a fashion designer, after Hurricane Katrina I decided to move to New York, I lived there for a couple of years working in Broadway and when I turned 34 I moved to California, it’s an amazing city; the climate is great, no storms like in Louisiana, you’d love it.

Two years later I met someone, she has the most beautiful eyes in the world and the most beautiful smile and laugh too. She is super charismatic, clever, lovely and has the most enormous heart ever. We got married a year later, her name is Adore, I took her with me to Valentina’s quinces I don’t know if you remember her. She is a professor in the University of California and also a singer, you’d love to play guitar while she is singing, dad, I’m sure of that.

When we moved together we adopted two dogs, Dede and Sammy, they’re cute and small like Wendy was, my mother in law call them our perrijos, it’s really fun.

Also after we moved together I took Valentina, your granddaughter, under my wing. I have to say that I was pretty disappointed to know that you didn’t learn anything from what happened with me and the story repeated again with her. When Tony kicked her out after coming out she came to me and I gave her a place that she now can call home and she has a better life now; she studies dancing in the University of California and works with me as my model, she is doing great.

I’m also writing you because I wanted to give you news; my family is growing, Adore is pregnant, pregnant with twins and I realized that I want Ethan and Willow to know their grandparents. Adore’s mom is the sweetest grandmother I’ve known in the last few years, she has ten grandchildren and she knows all of their names and always gives them all the love she can. I want my children to have that with you.

I’m not forcing you to be back in my life again or to be in my children’s life, that’s your choice but it would be nice if my wife and my children could get to know my parents.

Your daughter. Bianca.

PS. I’m also sending you some pictures of the family and of my kids, they’ll be here in four months.

She printed the letter and put it on an envelope with the photos, she walked out of the house with her dogs and got to the mailbox.

“Well, it’s now or never.”

She put the letter into the mailbox and went back to her house without looking back.

[thetradeway]

Session 26: 2 Jan 2021 Hell Year Is Dead

We are level 5, yay! Ahleqs has taken Fireball, oh fuck.

Following the river north, right. The Unicorn Run. Toward the Starmount Mountains but not quite all the way there. Tarragon finds some of the mushrooms Gunna asked her for, and gives them to him. As we move north the trees open up and it starts to rain. Tarragon hears someone shouting and we move forward. There are some shapes lumbering through the trees and Gunna is about to start tripping which makes it the perfect time to roll initiative!

The one shouting is a half-elf with a bow, and she’s pointing it at the trees. Gunna tries to get her attention. Does she need help?

She smiles. (Uh oh.)

(Gunna thinks he might be in, there.) He shoots at one of the shapes, and makes a CON check for the mushrooms. A 5. Uh oh… He has Disadvantage on Perception checks. His vision is starting to go colourful and move-y.

The thing in the trees lumbers toward us - with a Nat 20 nature check Tarragon sees it’s a nasty rotten troll. Cool, let’s kill it! Also we would swear that the arrow wound from the half-elf is already healed. Ah fuck. The half-elf retreats towards us and hides behind a tree.

Gideon is up. “Perhaps some Grease could help? Oh, there’s two, oh no! Okay, let’s get a move on.” Having said this, Gideon now proceeds to wizard-waffle for a few minutes while he decides what to do. “Wait I forgot to - oh no! I didn’t choose spells while levelling up! I’ll uncheck a few and… there we go.” He throws a Fireball at it.

Ahleqs shoots a Firebolt, misses, and looks sheepish as a free action. Tarragon tries an Entangle but it passes its STR check which makes her cross so she Rages.

Gunna makes a CON save for the mushrooms again. Ahleqs reiterates the rules of doing psychedelics: “Find a safe place! Buddies! Orange juice!” Gunna rolls a 15 and retains control of… something. He knows not what.

The pond is waist-deep on the troll, so would be about shoulder height to Gunna. He drops his bow and picks up his sword. No he doesn’t, he can’t do both on one turn, but we never worry about switching weapons normally so yes he can. He runs up to the troll and hits it with his sword - battle-axe? Oh well it seems like that’s what Gunna pulled out so that’s what he’s going with. The troll makes a WIS save, but the tricksy little bastard succeeds. He takes the physical damage though, 15, nice.

The troll attacks Gunna three times; is the bubbly thing hanging out of his stomach important?

Ahleqs starts crying.

The half-elf steps out of the shadows after sending an arrow whistling past Melaina’s ear into the troll.

Gideon does Chill Touch and rolls TWO D8 now because he’s level 5, hahahaha! Kessler does two Lightning Launchers, and then Ahleqs does Firebolt again and hits with a 24 for 13 damage. Fire damage, it turns out, stops trolls regenerating.

One of the trolls bites Popcorn which Tarragon sees, goes bear and smashes the shit out of it. The next troll smashes the shit out of her and re-gnomes her. Gunna rolls a Nat 1 on his next CON save and goes wandering off in a random direction. He’s starting to get hungry, but all the food he can think of is too loud.

Oh yeah, he gets an extra attack! He gets a 9 for both, sits down in the water and asks Gideon “Seriously... are my legs wet?”

Gideon is hit for 20 HP but he don’t need ‘em. Oh wait, maybe he does. “Good golly!” He Acid Splashes for 8 damage and it dies. Gideon dissolves him into the grass. “Your corpse shall feed the insects and scavenger birds - wait no it won’t because I dissolved it”. He plants his feet on the ground and bellows. “GIDEON TROLL-SLAYER!”

Kessler spends five minutes squabbling with Gideon.

Gunna, upon realising that two characters can now cast Grease: “You do realise that this could end with two characters rubbing greasily up against each other?”

(Cue five minutes of porn jokes and ‘Have you seen Dwarves Gone Wild 4?’)

Ahleqs kills the last one with Firebolt; as far as he’s concerned he’s won, but as far as Joe is concerned he’s turned up to an idyllic mountain lake and befouled it with troll juice. The half elf thanks us for our help; Kessler tries to charge her for our services. Gunna is still uncertain as to whether or not he is wet; Ahleqs assures him that he is, so Gunna sits down in the water.

What are we doing? Looking for Tarragon’s boyfriend. He’s not her boyfriend, GODDDDDD. She definitely doesn’t have a nosebleed at the mention of Raeph.

The half-elf is called Arwaris and her mum has gone missing - she’s heading for Eihshara as well. Can she come with? There is a large confusing squabble. Arwaris asks Melaina if she’s a full blood elf, but Sophie is making a warm beverage and doesn’t hear so Matthew answers in character for her. “Yes.”

What kind? Sophie is back now so she can answer for herself. “The best kind. Wood elf.” Arwaris’ mum was a wood elf. Owing to her backstory, Gideon thinks we should bring her with us to Eihshara. Upon being told that there is five real, Gunna agrees. (Scribe’s note: I have no memory of writing ‘five real’ and no idea what I actually meant. If anyone remembers let me know.) Tarragon asks Arwaris how to spell her name, and spends five or so minutes saying it over and over to herself.

Do we want to go with her? She knows a safe place to camp. Yes please. She takes us to a waterfall at the base of the Star Mountains. Arwaris seems very interested in Melaina’s heritage, asking her many questions as we walk. Melaina insists she’s a mongrel and questions her back. Her mum is an elf from Ishara and Arwaris hasn’t seen her since she was a baby. Her father was human.

On Kessler’s watch a fog rolls in with dancing green lights at the base of one of the trees. They might be fey? Or fireflies. Gideon has a little splash bath on his watch. Gets distracted and rolls a 4 for his perception check, but he is squeaky clean. Joe puts My Beard by Shel Silverstein on the WhatsApp group chat.

Arwaris joins Tarragon on 3rd watch. T. rolls 18. She hears something like twigs snapping.

(Gunna rolls twice for the mushrooms and gets a 21 and a nat 1; good news is he’s come down, bad news is he’s shit himself.)

Tarragon rolls a 22 and sees a shadow moving around. She casts Entangle in the area, but whatever is there is not trapped by it. Roll initiative…

We mostly prepare attacks, with nothing in view to hit. Ahleqs starts awake with a tiny scream as is his wont, ignites Simon and holds him aloft. He asks what is the key area of concern; Arwaris says somewhere south. Ahleqs starts running north.

The roots here are difficult terrain, just as a note.

We hear something big moving around, but can’t pinpoint the direction. Fuck a duck.

Gunna says he has no idea what it is, but whatever it is it smells like shit.

Arwaris disappears into the shadows. Gideon is a little hazy; he can’t see anything wrong so he holds an Acid Splash. (Gross.) Melaina hides in the general tree-trunkiness and does a Perception check; she still cannot see anything even with a 21 so she holds a shot with her bow.

We spend another round listening and looking, but cannot perceive whatever this thing is. Ahleqs looks up into a tree; nothing.

Suddenly a Briarvex leaps out of the shadows to a chorus of ‘What’s a Briarvex’.

It Grasping Vine’s Tarragon, Kessler and Gideon. Rude. Then it gets two thorny fist attacks. Fuckin’ rude!

Arwaris disappears into shadow, with the Pass Without Trace from Tarragon on top of her sneak.

Some point near the start of the fight, Gunna gets shot with an arrow in the back. Hmmm.

The Briarvex punches Popcorn into unconsciousness but it specifically does non-lethal damage which we all notice; Tarragon drops her rage to heal him with Healing Word.

Ahleqs gets the thing in the end with Burning Hands. Then he gets hit with an arrow from somewhere. Hmmmm indeed. He and Gunna both took sneak attack damage. Hmmmm.

We hear voices in elvish and then common saying “Why don’t you just stay down?” Intrigue…

We call it there.

[filmfanatic82]

Anything (Chapter 3)

Link to AO3 (HERE)

“Hey Billy. You’ve got a minute?” Trini drops her backpack next to Billy on the library table and takes a seat.

Billy glances down at his watch and then back up at Trini with a smile. “I’ve got 36 minutes. Well, technically 41 if I choose not to go to my locker before Calculus. I don’t have my textbook with me, but Ms. Rivers only references it on days when she hasn’t gotten enough sleep. Which are usually Tuesdays and Thursdays. Today’s a Wednesday, so I should be--”

“Billy.”

“Right. Sorry. Yes, I have a minute.” Billy goes about adjusting and readjusting his colored pencils in order of height while actively avoiding eye contact with Trini.

Most people would take this act as being anti-social, but Trini knows better. This is just how Billy operates. 

Normal, every day social interactions, like a friendly pat on the shoulder or maintain eye contact while talking to someone, are painfully difficult for Billy to comprehend, let alone act upon.

And on some, deep-seeded level, Trini can relate. Not because she’s on the spectrum herself, but because she knows first hand how hard it can be to constantly try and “fit in”.  

“I saw something. Last night at the quarry. A strange flash of green light. Right near the entrance of the ship.”

Billy abruptly stops adjusting his pencils and glances up at Trini with slight confusion. “What type of light?”

“Huh?”

“You said flash of light. But what type was it? Was it like a firework? Or more like a laser beam? Or a neon--”

“A green mist cloud, maybe? Kinda like something you’d see at a concert,” Trini responds, cutting Billy off.

Billy nods and takes a moment, seemingly lost in thought. “That’s really peculiar.”

“Right. Check. Freakin’ strange. So, what could it be?”

“It could be a multitude of things. I can’t say for certain, though, until I investigate.” Billy takes another pause as his brain navigates through his train of thought. “I can go early before training today. I’m supposed to meet up with Jason at Krispy Kreme at 3pm but can tell him to meet me at the quarry instead. Oh wait… That means we won’t be able to get our usual--”

“I’ll pick up yours and Jason’s usuals and bring them with me.”

A genuine smile spreads across Billy’s face. “That will work, then. Thanks Trini.”

“No prob, man.”

Trini goes to get up from the table, but as she does, she notices Billy staring at her with a somewhat conflicted look upon his face. There’s something more… Something he wants to ask but can’t seem to bring himself to willing do so.

“Billy, do you want to ask me somethin’? 

Billy manages to nod his head, but still doesn’t say a word. He picks up the pace on his compulsive pencil adjusting, as his internal debate wages on

“It’s all good. You can ask me whatever.” Trini offers up with a warm smile. She sits back down and waits for Billy to respond.

Trini usually isn’t one for patience, but with Billy, she’s more than happy to wait all day if needed. She has a permanent soft spot in her heart for him. 

Finally--

“Are you and Kimberly in a fight?”

“No. Why would you--”

“Because I was over at Jason’s house last night for our weekly 80’s horror movie night and Kimberly showed up unannounced. She wouldn’t say what was wrong but then her and Jason went into the kitchen to talk. I wasn’t trying to listen in on their conversation but I really needed to get more popcorn. Jason makes this really amazing popcorn with truffle oil. I always try not to eat the entire bowl, but I can’t help it and--”

“Billy.” 

“Right. Sorry. Kimberly. She was in the kitchen crying and I heard her mention your name a few times. Jason tried to comfort her but she did seem to calm down. Not even when he hugged her.”

“I’m an idiot,” Trini mutters to herself. She runs her hands through her hair and lets out heavy sigh.

Trini knows exactly why Kimberly was crying last night in Jason Scott’s kitchen.

Because, once again, she has let her two most hated friends -- Self-doubt and Fear -- dictate her actions.

“No your not. We have Calculus together and you’re extremely smart. Mr. Brick even said so last Thursday when he handed back our tests.”

Trini can’t help but chuckle at Billy’s beyond honest reply. “Thanks Billy.” 

“You’re welcome.”

“Catch ya, later.” Trini once again gets up from the table, slings her backpack over her shoulder, and with a new found resolution, takes off out of the library.

Trini knows what she needs to do… She needs to talk to talk to Kimberly.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Trini moves against the flow of students with a fierce determination like none other.

Most days, she tends to take her time, enjoying every last second of freedom before enduring yet another 45 minute snooze fest. But today is different. Today she needs to get to Bio and fast. 

“Get to Bio. Grab seat near Kimberly. Apologize for being such an idiot.” Trini’s internal voice runs through her gameplan… and again… and again. 

Sure, it wouldn’t be enough time to truly talk things out -- there’s never seems to be enough time when it comes Kimberly -- But at least this would be a step in the right direction. 

Trini picks up her pace, playing human frogger between the pockets of students.

She knows she’s pushing the fine line between moving at a human vs superhuman like pace, but doesn’t care. The quicker she moves, the more time she has to make things right with Kimberly. 

Trini rounds the corner to a connecting hallways, and suddenly comes to a crashing halt. 

There, only fifteen feet away, stands Kimberly, back up against the lockers with some ponytail clad, neanderthal looking, man-child leaning next to her, encroaching in on her personal space. The two are deeply engaged in a conversation, completely oblivious to the world around them. 

And then, like a second punch to the gut, Trini realizes that she knows exactly who the man-child is. It’s Tommy Oliver. The one who practically took Jason’s shoulder off in the hallway a few days earlier. The rude ass jerk, who didn’t even bother to stop, let alone apologize. 

An overwhelming sense of disappointment washes over Trini as she stands there frozen in her tracks, just watching Tommy and Kimberly talk.

Change of plans.

Who’s she kidding? There’s no need to “talk” to Kimberly. Clearly, Kimberly is 100% fine.

Sure, Kimberly might have been a little bit upset last night, but now she’s chatting away with Tommy like she doesn’t have a one single freakin’ care in the entire world. 

Not wanting to stay there another moment longer, Trini backtracks her way down the other hallway and straight through the double doors leading to the courtyard. 

Fuck Bio.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

“Hey Crazy Girl. Room for one more?” Zack calls up to Trini from the bottom of the bleachers.

Trini straightens up a bit, slides her headphones off of her ears and gives a half-hearted shrug. “Free country.”

Busted.

Trini knows that camping out at the top of the bleachers isn’t the most stealthy of places to hide out, but at least it’s better than being confined to a classroom.

Zack bounds up the bleachers steps, taking them two at once, reaching Trini in a record time. He plops himself down next to her and stretches out his lengthy limbs in every direction.

“No Bio?” 

“Nope.”

They sit side by side in silence for a few moments, just taking in the football field and track below them. Neither one making any sort of effort to talk at all. 

Then, out of nowhere, Zack swiftly reaches across Trini and snatches up her cell phone from the nearby bench.

“Hey!” Trini lunges after her phone, but it’s of little use. Zack’s already two steps ahead of her.

Zack holds Trini at bay with one of his arms, while using his other to unlock the phone.

“Ha! Knew it. Not broken. Jason so owes me $20.”

“Give it back, fucker,” Trini growls with a burst of sudden anger. She grabs hold of his arm and in one fell swoop twists it behind his back, bending it at a painfully awkward angle.

“Owe. Jesus. No need to get your tiny ass, boxer briefs in bunch. Here.” Zack hands the phone back over to Trini.

Trini instantly releases her death grip on Zack and then shoves her phone into her pocket. “Ass.”

“What? Me? Never.” Zack mocks a stunned expression mixed with his cheesy yet lovable smile.

The comfortable silence creeps back in between the two of them again and for a moment, they both embrace it. Just co-existing with each other in the same space. 

“You oughta talk to her. Before you seriously fuck it up.”

“What if I can’t?” Trini quietly replies in a voice barely above a whisper. She compulsively fidgets with a few stray strands on the rip knee of her jeans while avoiding eye contact with Zack. “What if she doesn’t feel--”

“Stop over thinkin’ it. I told ya already. That girl’s head of heels for you.”

 “But--”

“No butts. Talk to her. Or I’m gonna do it for ya.”

“You wouldn’t…” Trini searches Zack’s face, trying to call his bluff, but deep down she knows that he’s telling the truth. “I’ll rip your fuckin’ arms off and use them to beat your ass to death. 

Zack just laughs in response. He reaches over and playfully ruffles Trini’s hair in an annoying big brother sorta way. “Talk to your girl.”

With that, Zack gets up from the bleachers, shoves his hands into his pockets, and starts to make his way back on down the steps.

“She’s not my girl,” Trini yells back at him with a noticeable level of uncertainty to her voice. Almost, as if, the comment is more to remind herself than anything else. 

“Not yet,” Zack simply replies with an all knowing smirk.

God, Trini loves and hates that boy.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Trini has been wandering around Angel Grove, somewhat aimlessly, ever since Zack left her on the bleachers a few hours ago. She knows that she should’ve just gone back inside and finished out the rest of the day after the end of Bio, but something deep down inside, prevented her from doing so.

The neighborhood park next to the school. The movie theater on main street. The woods by the quarry. And even the local Krispy Kreme not once, but twice.

From the dull but steady throbbing in her feet, Trini is sure that she’s managed to walk at least a good ten or so mile by now. More than she’s ever willingly walked before and yet, it still doesn’t feel like enough.

Trini comes to an intersection and takes a momentary pause, trying to figure out which direction to go in next. She fishes her phone out of her pocket and checks the time. 

4:45pm. 

Roughly a little over an hour until Trini has to be home for dinner. She could push it to later if she gives her mom a heads up… but that would mean engaging with her mom… Which would only open the question floodgates… Which would lead to multiple Kimberly related ones…

Kimberly.

“What am I doing?” Trini mutters under her breath to herself. Without another moment’s hesitation, she unlocks her phone and starts rapid-fire texting.

SaberToothTrini: Hey. You home?

Trini hits send and holds her breath. Within a matter of milliseconds, seconds the texting dots appear.

PinkPrincess: Yeah. Y?

SaberToothTrini: Can I come over?  

Trini holds her breath again and this time, closes her eyes as well for good measure. She has no reason to believe that Kimberly won’t respond, and yet, there’s still a lingering doubt that she just can’t shake.

BUZZ.

Trini’s eyes snap back open and look at the screen. 

PinkPrincess: I’d really like that.

A small smile crawls across Trini’s lips as she re-reads the text.

It’s just four words…

But, regardless, it’s reassurance.    

SaberToothTrini: Be there in five. 

Trini puts her phone back into her pocket and starts to take off down the sidewalk, at a breakneck speed. She keeps this up for a few seconds, but then suddenly slows down, once again coming to a halt. 

Something isn’t right.

Trini cautiously does a quick 360, scanning her surroundings. Not a single soul in sight.

But that doesn’t matter…

Someone is watching her. Someone that doesn’t want to be seen.

And this singular realization sends a slight chill down Trini’s spine. She shoves her hands into the pockets of her bomber jacket wraps it tighter around her body, in a half-ditch attempt to create a shield between herself and whoever is out there and then continues on at an even faster pace. 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

“Hey.” Trini finishes hoisting herself through Kimberly’s bedroom window, landing on the coral carpeting with a not so graceful thud.

Kimberly puts down her textbook and sits up a bit on her bed. She greets Trini with a hesitant smile but it doesn’t seem to fully reach her eyes. There’s an underlying sadness there that’s downright heartbreaking at best.

Shit.

That look hits Trini like a ton of bricks. She’s really fucked it up this time. And not in just a “I’m in a shitty mood and am being a major prick for no good reason” sorta way.

“You could’ve used the front door. My parents won’t be home for another three hours.” 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Trini shrugs with a bit of a forced smirk.

Trini’s heart screams out to move closer to Kimberly but her feet are glued to the floor. She’s absolutely paralyzed. All Trini can manage to do is breathe.

“You weren’t in Bio today.”

“I skipped,” Trini huffs with a nervous exhale of breath. “Just kinda needed to clear my head.”

“Oh,” Kimberly replies in a voice barely above a whisper.

Trini’s head and heart engage an impromptu war with each other.

It’s killing her not to just go and wrap her arms around Kimberly. Just to hold her close and…

And what? Go deeper into that ever so familiar “are we friends or are we more” territory?

Trini’s been there before. Hell, she even has the t-shirt. Crushes on straight girls never work. It’s an undeniable fact.

“Look, I’m sorry. I--”

“Did I do something?” Kimberly blurts out, cutting Trini off. 

“Huh?”

“Did I do something? You know... to upset you? I mean, I don’t think I did. At least, not anything that I’m aware of. But you suddenly won’t return my texts or calls and then you didn’t show up to bio and… I dunno. It feels like I’ve done something wrong.” Kimberly picks at the edge of her pink and white comforter, trying desperately to keep her emotions in check.

Trini’s heart starts to crumble. She can feel it physically breaking open more and more with each and every beat. It’s beyond excruciating. Who would’ve known that this -- just standing here watching Kimberly second guess herself -- would be more painful than practically being burned alive in the cockpit of her Zord.

“You didn’t do anything.”

“Then why won’t you talk to me?” Kimberly’s voice quivers on these words.

Fuck it. 

And just like that, Trini suddenly finds herself moving across the room. She takes a seat down on the edge of bed and before she has time to fully process what she’s doing, she leans in and kisses Kimberly.

Every last ounce of insecurity and doubt instantly melts away as Trini feels Kimberly relax into her lips and kiss her back.

It’s raw. And yet gentle. Laced with passionate. It’s so much more than just a kiss… no, it’s a prelude to what’s to come.

And god, Trini doesn’t want it to ever stop.

After what feels like an eternity, Kimberly pulls back out of the kiss, allowing the two of them to catch their breath. A slow, seductive smile crawls across her cherry lips as she locks eyes with Trini.

“Took you long enough.”