#crying forever at lost potential

[bbqhooligan]

TWO very important threads were abandoned that ill never move on from which were 1-Five chose his name, effectively refusing Reginalds favoritism game and sibling rivalry, and rose above it (in his head) and 2-Five got close to Vanya specifically because she was Outside of the ranking game and was unable to either be competition to him or a threat. theyre both so RICH with potential because 1 can be framed in any emotion it can be as victorious or as bitter as you want it to be and 2 sets grounds for THE most interesting relationship dynamic within the siblings because Allison-Luther is winners coalition and Klaus-Ben is losers comradery. but look where we are now. Five's character is still just a cog in the machine. Viktor and Five existing in the same frame is a rare miracle.

[steveyockey]

To be aware you might be trans but unwilling to do anything about it is to create endlessly bigger boxes within which to contain yourself. When you are a child, that box might encompass only yourself and your parents. By the time you are a gainfully employed adult, that box will contain multitudes, and the thought of disrupting it will grow ever more unthinkable. So you cease to think of yourself as a person on some level; you think not of what you want but what everybody expects from you. You do your best not to make waves, and you apologize, if only implicitly, for existing. You stop being real and start being a construct, and eventually, you decide the construct is just who you are, and you swaddle yourself up in it, and maybe you die there. There is still time until there isn’t.

This reading of TV Glow’s deliberately anticlimactic, noncathartic ending cuts against the transition narrative you typically see in movies and TV, in which a trans person self-accepts, transitions, and lives a happier life. Owen gets trapped in a space where he knows what he must do to live an authentic life but simply refuses to take those steps because, well, burying yourself alive is a terrifying thing to do. The transition narrative posits a trans existence as, effectively, a binary switch between “man” and “woman” that gets flipped one way or another, but to make our lives so binary is to miss how trans existences possess an inherent liminality.

Humans’ lives unfold in a constant state of becoming until death, but trans people are uniquely keyed in to what this means thanks to the simple fact of our identities. You can get lost in that liminality, too, forever trapped in a midnight realm of your own making, stuck between what you believe is true (I am a nice man with a good family and a good job, and I love my life) and what you know, deep in your most terrified heart of hearts, is real (I am a girl suffocating in a box).

And yet if you want to read the film as being about the dangerous allure of nostalgia, you’re not wrong. I Saw the TV Glow totally supports that interpretation, too! But in tempting you with that reading, the film creates a trap for cis viewers that will be all too familiar to trans viewers. Somewhere in the middle of Maddy’s story about The Pink Opaque being real, you will make a choice between “This kid has lost it!” and “No. Go with her, Owen,” and in asking you to make that choice, TV Glow is simulating the act of self-accepting a trans identity.

See, the grimmer read of the film’s ending truly is a nihilistic one. It leaves no hope, no potential for growth, no exit. Yet you must actively choose to read that ending as nihilistic. If you are cis and the end of I Saw the TV Glow left you with a gnawing sense of dissatisfaction, a weird but hard-to-pin-down feeling that something had broken, and a melancholy bordering on horror — congratulations, this movie gave you contact-high gender dysphoria.

In an infinite number of possible universes, there is at least one where I am still living “as a man,” embracing my fictionality, avoiding looking at how much more raw and real I feel when I “pretend” to be a woman. I think about that guy sometimes. I hope he’s okay.

Consider, then, my cis reader, that TV Glow is for both you and me, but it is maybe most of all for him. I hope he sees it. I hope he breaks down crying in the bathroom afterward. I hope he, after so many years locked inside himself, hears the promise of more life through the hiss of TV static.

Emily St. James, “I Saw the TV Glow’s Ending Is Full of Hope, If You Want It to Be,” Vulture. June 4, 2024.

[bg3galore]

Sleeping headcanons

Wyll

-Will hum you a soft tune and rub shapes into your back, while you're settling down for the night.

-Would definitely tell you stories of his life growing up and about his dreams for the future, while you listen closely to his breathing; until you fall asleep.

-Always kisses your forehead before falling asleep.

-Chuckles softly to himself every time you fall asleep before him and will take it as an opportunity to watch your sweet face sleeping; wondering if you're dreaming and what about.

Karlach

-Is a loud snorer and a very deep sleeper

-The perfect cuddler, especially for a harsh winter night; that infernal engine will actually be put to a good cause- comforting the two of you from the prickle of ice, snow and cold alike.

-During the summer, she tends to smother you a bit so you have to squirm your way out of her hold a few times if you're to get any rest at all

-Gets particularly soft and vulnerable when you tuck her hair behind her ears and tell her every little thing you love about her; it makes her feel like her engine is going to combust on site- but in the best way possible.

Shadowheart

-Plays with your hair and enjoys it when you do too

-She always prays right before and right after sleeping and always mentions you in her prayers; she wants you to be safe and healthy forever and always.

-On rare nights that she does have a nightmare (not doubt featuring wolves) she'll reluctantly wake you up and want you to spoon her and comfort her tenderly with words or reassurance; she knows it's silly that they are just wild dogs with no table manners but they terrify her to her core.

-She takes a couple of hours to fall asleep, so in the meantime she likes to read, meditate and admire every inch of you while you sleep or chill in your shared bedroll; it reminds her how lucky and blessed she is everyday.

Gale

-Snores mildly on nights his orb is particularly vexing but will still insist on you cuddling up together; he will apologise for all the trouble he knows he causes although he knows he can't control his situation or habits.

-You have a nightly ritual where you'll lay adjacent to each other and get lost in each others eyes, which tends to lead Gale to slowly getting flustered and eventually crumbling and being very keen for some sleep- he can't control his love or actions in relation to you very well so having you looking at him like that really switches something in him.

-If you ever have trouble falling or staying asleep he'll cast a sleep spell on you to make sure you will get your well deserved rest, and watch over you for a little while just in case something should happen or change.

-On nights where he struggles to sleep and you have long been taken ahold by sleep, he'll wonder off to a quiet place on the other side of camp and quietly play with his magic.

Lae'zel

-She's the type to kick and move around a lot in her sleep, maybe even growl- although she has no memory or idea about it; she would be too proud to admit it willingly anyways.

-Very light sleeper, from as early as she can remember she never wants to give any potential enemies the upper hand so she applies this too to her sleep- she will be the one with a blade to their throat.

-Initially she's not a huge fan of the cuddling idea but once you've been together for a while she starts warming up to the idea of it, and will try it once everyone is asleep; she's full of a soft joy and ever so slightly god forbid drops her guard.

-Falls asleep very easily despite her guard being up so much, she has a lot of pent up rage, anxiety and just general exhaustion so this wears a toll on her body taking her completely out before you even realize it.

Astarion

-Is prone to frequent nightmares/reliving his past with the Szarr household, which causes him to jolt awake and sometimes cry or scream.

-Otherwise he's a quiet sleeper and a wonderful cuddler, he always wakes up in the same position he fell asleep in.

-His favorite sleeping position is to have his head directly on your chest so he can listen to your heartbeat, he finds it incredibly comforting and reassures him that he's not alone and won't ever have to be again- not at night, not in the day and certainly not against his demons.

-Takes a minimum of 4 hours to fall asleep especially if he's left alone with his thoughts; they eat at him with anxiety and doubt- so he tends to get to bed much earlier than everyone else in camp.

Halsin

-Only tends to snore if he's been in wild shape for too long

-Wonderful big spoon, also loves to hold you against his chest while you lay by the camp fire and watch the stars and reminisce on stories long past.

-Like Astarion he relives/has nightmares about some of his traumatic experiences from his youth but he's much more discreet about it and will do his best not to wake you up; and instead will go for a brief walk to clear his head and take in the scent of nature and all its bounties.

-Adores it when you nuzzle your face into his neck and will absolutely make you lay completely all over him so he can be closer to you; unless it embarrasses you of course.

[dark-kind-of-mystique]

𝑶𝒃𝒆𝒚 𝒎𝒆 𝑵𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑳𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒏 22 𝑺𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒓𝒔

Okay, so MC lost their magic. Does that mean that the connection of their pacts with the present brothers is gone too? If so, imagine the angst potential

𝑳𝒖𝒄𝒊𝒇𝒆𝒓, who has been desperately striving to keep his cool for the sake of his brothers, felt his blood run cold and his breath hitch when he couldn't feel your connection anymore. His paperwork stained from spilled ink and tears he didn't even realize had fallen from his eyes.

For the first time since you disappeared, he felt paralyzed by his own fear as he could feel himself succumb to despair.

𝑴𝒂𝒎𝒎𝒐𝒏, who refused to even acknowledge the possibility of you not coming back, wailed in pain when he felt your bond fade away from existence. He was forced to face the fact that you may actually never come back.

He felt as though someone had ripped out a part of him, leaving him forever looking for the missing piece.

𝑳𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏, who had submerged even deeper into his games and fantasy worlds to escape the emptiness of your absence, felt like the air was sucked out of the room. His game controller fell forgotten as GAME OVER appeared over his screen.

No amount of escapism will ever be enough to make him forget he's missing his player 2.

𝑺𝒂𝒕𝒂𝒏, who could feel his wrath slowly growing more uncontrollable, reached his burning point when he couldn't feel you anymore. Angry with the universe from taking you away from him, angry with himself for not being able to protect you.

His precious books were scattered across the floor, his room half destroyed as he sat quietly on the floor with silent tears in his eyes.

𝑨𝒔𝒎𝒐𝒅𝒆𝒖𝒔, who had tried to stay cheerful and positive, couldn't help the heartrending lament that left him as he broke down. He curled himself on his bed, sobbing in pain at the stabbing feeling he felt in his chest.

He kept seeing flashes of your beautiful smile, your mesmerizing eyes, and couldn't help but cry harder at the thought that he may never hear your laugh again.

𝑩𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒛𝒆𝒃𝒖𝒃, whose hunger pangs had grown in both frequency and intensity, felt as though a hole was carved in his chest, leaving him emptier than he's ever felt before. Tears blurred his vision as he fell on his knees, hands clutching his abdomen as if that would make him whole again.

Your absence left a void inside of him that his hunger could never match. A void that could never be filled no matter how much food he ate.

𝑩𝒆𝒍𝒑𝒉𝒆𝒈𝒐𝒓, who locked himself in the attic to sleep so he could dream of you, felt the world go dark when his dream version of you disappeared, leaving him alone in the dark void. He woke up with a scream, tears streaming down his face, overwhelmed by the feeling of your absence.

And he knew, even if he tried to escape the pain by sleeping the days away, he would still dream of you. He will never break free of the pain of losing you, not even indulging in his sin.

[themultifanshipper]

Monaco. A truly magical place where anything can happen. Including potentially ruining your friendship with Max. With a plot twist.

Or, part 2 of my Max fic. Featuring a very special guest.

It's another long-ish one, guys ≈ 1.2k

"Max Verstappen wins the 2021 Monaco Grand Prix!"

You were pretty sure you were crying. Your best friend Max had just won the Monaco grand prix for the first time. A huge achievement in the world of F1. He lifted the trophy high above his head as you cheered from below. The whole Redbull garage was in chaos, everyone singing and cheering for Max. He winked at you before spraying champagne all over the podium, crowd, Lando and Carlos, all laughing and cheering at each other.

You couldn't help but feel sorry for Charles though, a DNF at your home race is always a hard pill to swallow. Hopefully he wasn't so bummed out that he wouldn't come out and party with you and Max, after all they had patched up their relationship since 2019 and he should be happy for his friend's win.

You, Charles and Max were close, often hanging out whenever you were staying with Max in Monaco. Usually ending up at parties until ungodly hours, you all finding company and going your seperate ways for the night, then meeting up the next day at a café, hungover and full of juicy gossip.

However this particular party felt a bit off for some reason. You'd managed to convince Charles to go out to a club instead of moping alone in his apartment. But there was a vibe. You weren't sure quite what the vibe was yet, but it was definitely there.

He was having more shots than usual, even after bad races. He was also hanging more around you instead of going to find girls to grind on and take back to his ridiculously giant bed. Not that you were complaining about it, you always welcomed Charles' company. But his arm found itself around you a little bit more often than usual. And you swore you saw him staring at your lips a bit too much for a public setting.

At one point Max found you and informed you he'd recieved a text from George, inviting you all to join him and a few other drivers at a yacht party. So you, Charles and Max went stumbling around the harbour trying to find this party.

Well, it wasn't exaclty hard.

It was the biggest yacht you'd ever seen, and in Monaco that was quite an achievement. It was more like a small cruise liner with so many people on it you were almost wondering if yachts could have a weight limit. It must have been some mega rich guy here just for the grand prix or something.

Before you could dwell on it too much however you heard a screech from above you up on the second deck.

"AYOOOO MAX! UP HERE MAN! AND YOU BROUGHT CHARLES WOOOOO! "

The three of you stared at Lando where he was hanging halfway over the railing, shirt way too open for decency, sunglasses almost slipping off his nose, and waving his glass around, getting himself quite wet. Nothing out of the ordinary, really.

Once you got onto the boat it was surprisingly easy to find the small group of drivers consisting of George, Alex, Lando, his friend Max, Lance, who was obviously selling something around the place, Carlos, who had obviously taken whatever Lance was selling, and Checo in a corner feeling up a girl who was definitely not his wife.

Anyway, you quickly lost both Max and Charles as you all mingled around and made acquaintances. But after a a few hours, a few drinks, and a few of whatever the fuck Lance had sold to seemingly half the boat, you got a bit lonely and set off to find people you knew.

The first person you came across was Lando, who had also taken something if the way he was incapable of focusing on your eyes as you spoke to him was any indication. He informed you that Charles had been looking for you, before going to look for some peace and quiet in the upper decks,

You got him a glass of water as thanks before going off to find Charles. It took you fucking forever. The place was huge, and you even bumped into Fernando during your quest, who greeted you with a big sloppy kiss on the cheek before sauntering off. Wow.

You found Charles sitting in one of the many upstairs rooms that sort of overlooked the deck below, where most of the crowd was, visible through massive windows.

By the time you'd finished ogling the layout you looked at Charles and found he was already staring intently at you.

"I know that look, Charles" You scolded him.

"I know you do. That's why I'm doing it" He grinned.

"Are you really that bored?"

"It is not about being bored. I want you"

You rolled your eyes. He always knew how to pick his moments, and he knew you could never resist him.

"But also..." he continued slowly, grabbing your hips and pulling you towrds him; his face changing into something more vulnerable "I want to have something Max does not"

Oh . This was a new development. Charles was jealous??

For a while now you and Charles had been fooling around. Max knew about it of course, you weren't exactly discreet, and you'd stopped counting the amount of times Charles had mentionned it off-hand in front of him. It usually happened when neither of you could find someone to take home and needed some good sex. And by god the sex was good. But that's not the point. The point was that you didn't really want this to happen on a random yacht, where anyone could see you if they looked hard enough up at the windows.

Add to that the fact you were pretty off your faces, and were possibly abandoning Max at this giant party, and it was shaping up to be the worst idea you'd ever heard.

"Because I thought this would finally be the year I would win at my home race."

"So I'm a replacement trophy?" You teased.

"Of course not" He grinned up at you "I want to give you all the pleasure that Max took away from me..."

So, you ended up on top of Charles on the bed, facing the door, riding him like your life depended on it. At some point, his hand had made it's way around your throat and was squeezing as your eyes rolled back and your rhythm faltered and your legs began to shake. He took it upon himself to grab your hip with his other hand and start slamming into you from below. You moaned loudly, not caring about all the noise you were both making as the music downstairs pounded through the walls. After all the times the two of you had done this, he knew your body like the back of his hand, expertly fucking you speechless with minimal effort.

Then, you realised with a start you hadn't locked the door when a shadow appeared under the crack and the handle turned, door swinging open.

Of course it had to be Max. Life would be two easy otherwise.

As your eyes met, his widened and you gasped, pussy tightening briefly around Charles, who took it as a sign of you being close. Embarrasingly, the idea of Max seeing you like this turned you on so much you almost came on the spot. His eyes staring you up and down, at the way your tits bounced as Charles rammed into you, at the way Charles's cock was splitting you open, and at the way you were drooling all over yourself and down Charles' wrist, your own eyes fixated on Max's.

He looked more turned on than anyone you'd ever seen. You were probably quite the sight, being dragged up and down Charles' cock like ragdoll. The thought made you clench again, so Charles groaned and tightened his hold on your throat, hips never faltering.

"Fuck- so tight. My god- rub your pretty little cunt for me and come on my cock, baby"

Max's jaw dropped as you did what you were told and started circling your clit fast and hard. He'd never seen you take orders from anyone, much less Charles. And he'd never expected Charles to talk like that, especially to you.

"Good Girl, fuck! Come on my cock." He slammed into you a few more times "That's my good girl..."

You moaned loud and you came hard around Charles, not able to keep your eyes open any longer as you rode out the waves of pleasure as he spilled deep inside you.

When your vision returned, Max was long gone, and Charles looked pretty blissed out, not realising what had just happened.

Tomorrow's debrief over coffee was going to be awkward...

So there you go, that's what happened in Monaco. Is that what y'all were expecting?

Might do a part 3, maybe not, we'll see. ^^

[ponderingmoonlight]

Hi! I just love your levi fics so much!

For a request I was hoping for something like this -

Levi & reader had grown up together along with Isabel and farlan, when the group gets sent off onto their fateful mission levi thinks reader died alongside with Isabel and farlan. (Angst)

Only to discover years later that reader was alive and actually doing very well for themselves, well known and a strong fighter. Just a very cute reunion fic maybe? Maybe romance 👀 thanks! <3

🦅- Anon

this was an emotional rollercoaster I'm still crying babe but here you go, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do <3

Levi thinking he lost his sun forever only to find you again after years

Pairing: Levi x fem! reader

Word Count: 3,3k

Synopsis: It's been 1869 days since you were killed by the abnormal titan Isabel and Farlan lost their lives to as well, 1869 days of missing you and regretting that Levi didn't tell you about his true feelings when you were still alive. Little does he know you aren't so easy to get rid of and that you are still out there...

Warnings: death, blood, war scene, depression, full on hurt to comfort, super duper fluff in the end, as usual not proofread because I need to go to bed now hehe

Notes: Finally my first Levi fic after literally MONTHS! I know a lot of you were patiently waiting for more attack on titan content and I'm beyond sorry it took me so long babes. Please let me know how you feel about Attack on Titan content so that I might do more and especially regular fics in the future <3

He can’t take his eyes off you. To be exact, the sunlight suits your facial features so well that it seems impossible to ever let go of your sight.

You have been friends since he met you on that day exactly 6 years ago, when you tried to steal a load of food for a heavy pregnant woman. Since then, he was captivated by your beauty, your brain, your skills. But somehow, this makes the stinging fact that you sit beside him even worse.

“You shouldn’t be here, (y/n)”, he speaks out before he’s able to stop himself.

Immediately, your gaze drifts away from the dreamy scenery to him, eyes widen in surprise.

“What are you talking about, Levi?”

Don’t say his name while looking at him like that, not with that gentle tone in your angelic voice. He told himself over and over that you are nothing but a close friend, maybe considered family like Isabel and Farlan.

He huffs to himself. What a filthy little lie.

“This mission is dangerous. I don’t want you to get-“

“Hurt? Killed? You told me about all those things more than once and I’m happy to repeat myself again for you: I will not leave you, Farlan’s and Isabel’s side. After all, we are friends, right? And friends don’t leave each other behind.”

You gift him with your usual breath-taking smile while his heart skips a beat.

A friend.

He has to remind himself over and over again, force his orbs away from you. You are nothing but friends. And he will never risk to lose you over the potential of something more.

-the evening before the mission-

“I thought I’d find you here”, your teasing voice shouts from behind.

You are probably the last thing he wants to see this evening. Not because he doesn’t enjoy your company, but because he wasn’t able to convince you to stay in safety. Erwin Smith made it very clear that this mission is dangerous, that multiple survey corps member already died behind those walls. And even though you, Farlan and Isabel showed your skills countless times before, he can’t stop his train of thought. You, getting grabbed by a titan. You, getting ripped apart, your blood scattering onto the ground. He won’t have the chance to stay by your side during all times. One wrong movement, one thoughtless decision and you’d be gone.

“I don’t even have to ask in order to know what you’re thinking about right now, Levi.”

The second your hand brushes over his shoulder, he is too lost in the feeling of your bare hand against his shirt to worry any further.

“You don’t have to worry about Farlan, Isabel and me. After all, you’re the one who taught us everything we know.”

“Tsk. You were already doing fine when I met you.”

“But you were the one who showed me there is still hope, something worth fighting for. If it wasn’t for you, I would have died down there without ever seeing the sun once in my life”, you reply.

All of the sudden you place your hand on top of his and squeeze in gently. That look on your face, is it…Affection? He shakes his head firmly, doesn’t allow himself to get lost in that oh so sweet idea. A woman like you will never fall for a cold-hearted man like him, not when the whole squad fell head over heels for you the second they got to know you better. You are a true sweetheart, everyone’s favorite, a ray of sunshine. He, on the other hand, is none of that.

“Stop praising me or else I’ll puke and make a mess onto the freshly cleaned floor.”

No, he doesn’t deserve your kind word, doesn’t even deserve that spark in your eyes. You are better off without him, even as a friend.

“You’ll gonna clean it up anyway”, you bite back with a wide grin.

“Actually, there is something else I want to talk with you about, Levi.”

The sudden change in your voice paired with the warmth of your hand leaving his lets his gaze wander to yours again – only to catch you already staring.

“What is it?”, he questions instantly.

“If you have to decide between Isabel, Farlan and me…Just promise that you’ll safe them before even thinking about my ass. Please look after them and don’t worry about me.”

His eyes widen just the tiniest bit, reveal his surprise and…his resist. Not thinking about you, leaving you behind? The urge to shake you becomes almost unbearable when he grabs your arms passionately, gaze locking with yours.

“There is no way in hell I will ever leave you behind, dumbass. Don’t you dare to die on me, got it?”

“Promise”, you urge.

“Promise you’ll look out for them first.”

“(y/n)…”

He has to close his eyes in order to stop staring at your perfect lips. This might be the last time he ever sees you alive so unbothered by his side, the last time he witnesses the way the dim moonlight lights up your hair.

This…might be your last night alive.

“Please, I can’t live with the thought of being without them. They are still so young.”

“What about you, though? What if I don’t want to live a life without you? What if I die myself?”

You smile at him sadly, your hand caressing his cheek oh so gently.

“We all know you won’t die out there, Levi. It’s us who might not be here with you tomorrow. After all, that’s why you wanted to stop us from coming with you, right?”

He swallows hard. Every single one of you is a skilled fighter. Hell, you even survived the underground with countless enemies chasing after you. But this? This is something completely different. For the first time since getting to know all of you, Levi isn’t so sure about your abilities anymore.

“I promise”, he replies with low voice.

“Thank you”, you breathe out.

“Now, let’s get some sleep, shall we? We have a big fight ahead of us.”

Oh, there is no doubt in the fact that Levi won’t close his eyes this whole cursed night, pondering about a way to safe all of you. But even though you are very aware of that, you turn on your heel and smile at him one last time.

The brightest smile of them all, making your face gleam in nothing but affection.

“Oh, and Levi?”

“What is it, dumbass?”

“When I was talking about the sun earlier…That sun was you.”

And then you’re gone in the dark, leaving him with his heart almost beating out of his chest and feelings clustered all over the place.

Him, your sun?

-the battle-

Your eyes widen in sheer horror, the violent scream escaping your lips not reaching your ringing ears. Those powerful orbs…There is no doubt in the fact that this is her, that this is Isabel. Tears stream down your face uncontrollably, mix with the bitter coat of rain that sticks to your face uncomfortably.

Your friend is dead. And you were not able to protect her.

“You.”

The monster standing in front of you doesn’t look like the other titans you’ve seen before. Eyes red like crimson, lips curved into an evil grin. This thing is absolutely aware of the agony it causes you and enjoys every tear you cry.

You grab your blades even tighter, narrow eyes fixating its nape.

“I will make you suffer”, you press out through gritted teeth.

“I will make you regret that you even touched her!”

You dash forward only to get greeted by thin air. Fuck, this thing is so fast you didn’t even realize it was gone until your blade crashed into the muddy ground. Why do your hands suddenly start shaking, your knees felling weak? It’s just you and that thing. The other corps members around you? Scuttered onto the floor in bloody pieces.

Levi?

You escape its clutches by a hair’s breadth, the monster’s stinging smell of death and rotten flesh making your guts turn. You need to focus, need to control your fear and anger. Otherwise, you’ll die just like all the others did.

Levi…Is he dead as well? There is no one around, no one showed a single reaction to your multiple cries for help, your signs. Maybe you’re the only one who’s left. Which means that Farlan and Levi are gone.

Levi, gone? Fuck, you should have told him about your true feelings yesterday, you should have pressed your lips against his like you always dreamed about. This was the last opportunity to tell him how much you love him before both of you die.

And now it will be forever too late.

Just when you’re about to dash forward, the arm of the titan yanks towards you with breath-taking speed. Your eyes widen in sheer horror as all you can do is stare in sheer disbelief.

Is this how you will die? Through the hand of an abnormal titan, eating you alive?

You always dreamed of a life on the surface with Levi by your side. Maybe a small cottage on the edge of a busy city close to a river. Having a little farm with a few animals here and there, Levi working for a local business while you stay home and care for your home. For a brief moment, you allow your eyes to rest, to get lost in the life you will never have.

If only you had told him sooner. Maybe then it would have been different. Maybe then you wouldn’t feel your bones crack against the sheer force of the titan’s flat palm, throwing you into the air like a ball.

As soon as your body hits the ground, everything goes black.

-5 years later-

He opens his eyes against the way too harsh sunlight. Another night he hasn’t slept more than 2 hours. Day 1869 of missing you.

“Good morning, Captain Levi!”

He doesn’t even care to reply, feet carrying him down the hallway monotone. His days have always been the same since the day he lost Isabel, Farlan and you: Getting haunted in his sleep, waking up alone, surviving another day in this living hell. It’s almost ironic, how he already hated the world when you were in it. Little did he know how much worse it would get when you’re gone.

There is no day since back then that doesn’t revolve around you. You, with your hair down in the sun. You, beating up some tuff guys and showing them their place. You, that fucking cursed night before you had to leave.

Until this day, he hates himself for not being there. By the time he arrived, everyone was dead, brutally murdered by an abnormal titan. And even after searching for your corpse for hours in the pouring rain, he didn’t even manage to find a single limb left of you. This should be a good sign. After all, it might mean that you somehow managed to survive.

“The chances of (y/n) surviving and managing to flee on her own are 1 against 500.000”, Erwin said back then.

Maybe it would have actually felt better, knowing that you’re dead. Maybe this would spare him from getting haunted by your giggling and fucking gorgeous face each and every night.

But…If getting haunted by your presence is all he has left, he shouldn’t complain about it.

“We are heading out today. It is said that there are countless abnormal titans roaming around a city nearby”, Erwin explains briefly.

“How the fuck did these things even manage to get in there?”, Levi grumbles in response while taking a sip of his way too hot tea.

“That’s not what I care about. What I’m more interested in is the fact that a group of villagers managed to trap one of them.”

Levi can’t help but put his cup of tea down while Hange bursts out in sheer excitement next to him. A group of villagers, trapping an abnormal titan?

“Former corps members?”, he questions.

“Apparently not. Maybe they are interested in a new job”, Erwin replies, getting up from his seat and straightening his uniform.

“We are leaving right now.”

“Right now? Over some brats who were lucky to not get eaten by that titan?”

“You can’t deny that these ‘brats’ have to be skilled in order to trap an abnormal titan, Levi.  Also, I heard the head of them is a woman.”

Levi huffs to himself. Skilled, huh? Lucky is definitely the better fit.

You sink your blade straight into the eye of the disgusting creature lying in front of you, watch in sheer satisfaction how it squeals underneath.

“Hope you enjoy that as much as I do”, you mumble, twisting and turning your sword painfully slow.

“(y/n), d-don’t you think that’s enough? What if it escapes?”, the man next to you cries out, holding safe distance between himself and the abnormal.

“So what? Listen, you little shit. If you even try to escape, I will kill you without even blinking, got it?”

You rip your blade out. In, out, in, out until everything around you is covered in crimson.

Just like back then.

You stumble back when a wave of nausea hits you. The sight of Isabel’s lifeless head, her limbs scattered across the muddy floor. Back then, you weren’t able to save her, weren’t even able to save yourself. If it wasn’t for your crew, you’d be dead by now. Just like her…

“Hey.”

“How about you take a break for a sec? You’re drifting off again.”

Her gently voice pulls you out of your nightmare just like her tender touch. Petra has been the greatest support since that fateful day. In fact, the only reason you are still alive is her. When she found you, you were already on the brink of death. Only due to her passionate and long-term care, you learned how to walk again, learned how to fight again.

“Sorry”, you mumble, allowing yourself to rest for a moment against her strong shoulder.

“(y/n), I’m sorry to interrupt you like this but…We spotted members of the survey corps?”

“The survey corps?”, you repeat in sheer disbelief.

Rage starts flooding your veins in an instant, forcing you to pick up your blade again. If there’s one thing you will never forgive the survey corps for, it’s the fact that they left you standing in the rain. The countless people who died with the wings of faith embroidered onto their jackets, eaten alive by a titan while your desperate cries for help remained unanswered until this day. For Erwin Smith, you were nothing but canon fodder, nothing but a bait. And you will forever hate him over the fact that he is partly responsible for the death of Isabel, Farlan and Levi.

You storm in the direction your scout sighted them, jumping from tree to tree in order to catch them by surprise. You will definitely not tolerate survey corps members around your area, especially when you just caught an abnormal titan to study and torture.

“There they are.”

Their disgusting green cloaks fill you with thick anger, almost force you onto the ground to knock every single one of them out. But you know all too well this isn’t the way to go. No, you will wait here until the right time comes to throw yourself at their captain.

There are five of them, walking towards the direction of your village. Just wait a few more seconds until the one who walks ahead is underneath you, one second and you…

You lunge yourself at the person with full speed, forcing them to the ground. Him, to be exact. That firm chest exposes all too urgently that you just attacked a man.

“Are you out of your goddamn mind, brat?”, he barks at you, rough hands grabbing your wrists so tightly that your bones threaten to shatter.

You aren’t able to defend yourself, though.

That voice, the way he called you brat.

Is it really possible that…

You allow your eyes to look up at him and for a moment, time seems to stand still.

“Levi.”

You breathe his name out like a prayer, as if your dream might become reality. These grey and unbothered eyes look just like you remember his, the dark hair framing his face oh so perfectly.

“Levi, is that you?”

He can’t comprehend his feelings. Just a second ago, he was under attack of a stranger. But your eyes aren’t foreign. They hold the spark he dreams of each and every night, the memory he cares about so deeply. Is it really possible, that…

“(y/n).”

Everyone was so sure that you died on the battlefield, that the titan must have eaten you alive without leaving any remains. But maybe there was nothing to remain. Maybe you actually did manage to survive. Is it possible? Is this really you?

“I thought you died.”

Your voice is nothing but a fade away whisper, tears streaming down your usual so composed face like rivers when your memories begin to crash down on you like a house of cards. All those years, you were convinced Levi lost his life on this battlefield as well, that you were the only one remaining. But now you’re sitting on top of him, taking in his clean scent while he glares at you the way he used to.

“Everyone tried to convince me that that fucking abnormal ate you back then, that there is no chance you survived. Now look at you, dumbass”, he breathes out, very own eyes now coated in a thin layer of glimmering tears.

There is no time to waste. With a swift motion, you lunge yourself at him again, wrap your arms around his strong torso as if your life depends on it while resting your head against his chest and crying your heart out.

Words will always fail to express how much you missed him, that you thought about him each and every night since the day he was taken away from you so roughly. But now, you will never let him go again. Now you won’t waste another opportunity to tell him how you really feel.

“I love you, Levi. I loved you since our days in the underground city, I loved you through all these horrible years of grief. I love you. I love you”, you finally blurt out.

“I love you too, (y/n). I always did.”

Gently, he rests his hand against your nape while lifting your chin up with the other.

The second your lips meet, your world feels complete for the first time. All the pain, the grief, the things you had to endure. The countless nights of imagining him right by your side, the thought of never seeing him again. And now he’s here, right in your arms while kissing you so passionately that you fail to breathe.

“I love you”, he repeats so softly that your heart melts away like butter.

“I love you…”

“I finally found my sun again”, you smile against his lips.

You snuggle yourself onto him even tighter, your grip around his torso firm. Oh, you will definitely never let this man go again. Not after it took both of you so many years to meet again, not when he’s all you ever wanted.

Levi Ackerman, the love of your life.  

“Who’s that woman throwing herself at you from a tree and then getting a smooch from you?”

“Shut up, shitty four-eyes”, Levi barks at the person standing behind him.

Tags:

@hellkaiserinphoenix  @chilichopsticks @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @beatrexworld

@froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso  @chaoticwinnercupcake @lees-chaotic-brain (hope you noticed I actually named reader's bestie after you babe) @polarbvnny @kentocalls @kayleegomez

First divider by wonderful @cafekitsune - check out the banner I used here!

Second one as usual from the best @saradika-graphics - I worship the ground you walk on honey

[allwaswell16]

F a v o r i t e F i c s O f 2 0 2 3

As an avid One Direction fan fic reader, 2023 has been a truly amazing year for fics! I read so many incredible fics this year, so please check out all my recs for the year here! Below you will find fics that made me cry or cry with laughter. Others brought me comfort during hard times or filled my heart with joy or had me screaming into my pillow in surprise. I share this list with you all not to say that these fics are better than others from this year, but to say thank you to these writers who have left a mark on me with their fics.

To all our fandom's writers, thank you for the gift of your stories! Sending much love to you in the new year!

⚜️ Louis / Harry ⚜️

And What If I Were You by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom

(E, 109k, famous/not famous) For Louis, will losing his sight give him the clarity to realise what is right in front of him? For Harry, will losing the love of his life give him the strength to finally open his heart? And can they find their way back, before they lose each other forever?

De amore ex tempore by @persephoneflouwers

(M, 101k, historical) the Middle Ages AU where Harry is a philosopher, whose thoughts happen five centuries too soon and Louis is a painter, whose art happens five centuries too late. & Or: the Time Travel AU where alternate versions of themselves live simultaneously in different realities and their paths collide every time, until somehow, they converge into one.

Gemma's Dad (Could Use A Guy Like Me) by @lululawrence

(NR, 82k, age difference) Louis wasn't planning on getting home and learning that Gemma's dad had gotten the house in the divorce and was dealing with things by focusing on work, the house, and his newly planted garden. It becomes obvious early on that Harry is a bit lost and Gemma is worried about him. To help both of them, Louis is more than happy to help Harry find himself again.

Teach me how to love by @perfectdagger

(E, 70k, one night stand) The one in which Harry is bad at sex and Louis spreads it all over town and to make up for it, decides to help him with no agenda of getting anything from it, but in the end, he ends up getting more than he bargained for.

your memory over me by @shimmeringevil

(E, 64k, exes) The worst heartbreak of Louis’ life walks right back into it when his parents invite their family friends on an all-expenses-paid trip for their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Facing a past that he tried to bury long ago, Louis learns that some people have a way of sticking with you even when they’re gone

saw some things on the other side by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed

(M, 61k, murder mystery) Unfortunately, Louis’ plan doesn’t take into account the fact that instead of writing murder mysteries, he will find himself in one.

and i would search the night sky to find you by devilinmybrain / @thedevilinmybrain

(E, 56k, omegaverse) Harry Styles is a high class, well-bred Omega attending Bosworth Academy - a prestigious boarding school looking over the small town on Kinsey. He has his whole life already planned for him, learning his place as the potential mate for an important Alpha, practicing his home making skills, and be obedient above all else.

Suddenly Last Summer by @disgruntledkittenface

(E, 44k, mystery) Suddenly he has someone who listens to him and cares about what he thinks. Someone who really sees him. But their happily ever after is forever marred by an incident at a party during Labor Day weekend, and Louis is left with a choice to make.

Train Tracks and Porcelain by @jaerie

(E, 41k, historical circus au) Shadows were forming into people and things and, there in the middle of it, Louis watched the humongous head of an elephant emerge from a box car right in front of his eyes. Or a Water For Elephants inspired AU

You're Not My Type (still I fall) by Imogenlee / @imogenleewriter

(M, 38k, omegaverse) This is just a bit of rain; it'll blow over. Then Harry will just... well, alright, he isn't entirely sure what to do when the rain stops because he'll still be stuck and lost. 

My Other Half Was You by @lululawrence

(NR, 35k, small town au) Four years, seven months, and sixteen days after the day that changed everything, Louis turns a corner and literally runs into the man who just might change it all again.

I Really Like Your Styles: The Baking Advent-ure by @homosociallyyours

(T, 35k, coffee shop) Louis isn't much for frills, and the coffee shop he co-owns with his best friend Liam is evidence of that. Yes, it's got a decent sized, well-kept industrial kitchen, but Louis insists that people come to coffee shops for coffee, not mediocre pastry and plastic wrapped cookies. 

You Ain’t Gotta Feel Fear Just Mingle by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup

(T, 32, coworkers) Harry has been at his dream job for less than three months, and he knows two things for sure; first, his project manager doesn't know what he's doing, and second, someone in the office is apparently pure evil, and no one will tell Harry who it is.

Cowboy Like Me by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings

(M, 29k, thief au) Going legit and starting over in a small town was supposed to solve all of Harry’s problems. That was until a string of robberies in wealthy towns brings him face-to-face with his rogue ex-partner and their dicey, unresolved past.

'cause I want you (for the worse and for the better) by nonsensedarling / @absoloutenonsense

(NR, 26k, omegaverse) When Louis gets invited along to Anne's wedding, Harry is prepared to let people think whatever they want about their relationship. That's what Louis said -- let people think whatever they want. 

what's left of my halo's black by LiveLaughLoveLarry / @loveislarryislove

(E, 22k, fwb) A year after a devastating breakup, Louis is still trying to put himself back together - but getting over a breakup is hard when you work as a wedding planner. Thankfully, his coworker Harry is the most supportive friend Louis could ask for.

'tis the damn season by YesIsAWorld / @louandhazaf

(E, 17k, girl direction) Harry returns to her small hometown over the holiday season and starts to think about the road not taken.

Captain Cupid by @2tiedships2

(NR, 15k, omegaverse) the one where Niall enlists his friends to help start a speed dating side hustle. Things don't go as planned... or maybe they do?

It Will Always Be You by @phdmama

(E, 15k, older Larry) If you had told Louis Tomlinson a year ago that he would be celebrating his birthday by kissing the man who is the love of his life on a Church Street park bench in Burlington VT as the snow drifted softly down, he would have told you that you were extremely imaginative. 

Eyes on the Horizon by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright

(E, 12k, age difference) Freshly dumped, recently fired, and about to turn 40, Harry's friends insist on taking him skydiving to cheer him up.

You Light Up the Path by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird

(T, 12k, mermaid au) Louis Tomlinson left his home in Doncaster as a young man with the intent of making enough money to send it back home to his family and support them however he could. Harry, or so he likes to be called, is the myth and legend himself known as the Staithes Mermaid. 

Sex Drunk Suckerpunch by thinlines / @thinlinez

(E, 7k, sugar baby) Sugar Baby Louis did what any sugar baby should avoid doing but (clichely) end up doing anyways, that is, failing for his sugar mama.

Court Wine by @enchantedlandcoffee , red_panda28 / @red-pandaaa

(T, 7k, omegaverse) after a misunderstanding during a scrabble game, Alpha Louis starts courting Omega Harry without the latter being aware of it.

you give me feelings that i adore by @alwaysxlarrie

(T, 7k, a/b/o) 5 times Louis scents Harry's things and the 1 time Harry returns the gesture.

Truth or Drink by @kingsofeverything

(M, 6k, exes to lovers) Harry and Louis broke up years ago, and they're seeing each other again for the first time to play Truth or Drink. On camera.

Perfect, For Now by @parmahamlarrie

(T, 4k, omegaverse) Moving to a new city is always hard, being away from home, finding your new community - none of it is easy. Dealing with all of this while being touch deprived is even more difficult.

Unplant by @hellolovers13

(M, 4k, neighbors) Louis should've looked where he was going, then he wouldn't have to desperately try to save a little flower now.

nights like these by localopa / @voulezloux

(G, 3k, angst with a happy ending) you smile at me and say “it’s time to go.” but i don’t feel like going home.

sorry for... by stretchmybones / @lookwhatyoumademelou

(M, 1k, roommates) How else was Harry supposed to apologize properly? He was indeed a stress baker. 

Mistletoe Kiss by @neondiamond

(G, 1k, roommates) A little bit of mistletoe is just the thing Louis needed to let his roommate Harry know he’s got quite the crush on him.

Still by downcamethelightning / @downcamethelightnings

(G, 666 words, Halloween) FBI Agent Louis calls Harry to investigate a case believed to have taken place in Harry's own home. Harry is quite familiar with the victim's face.

⚜️ Rare Pairs ⚜️

The Light Out In The Madness (Hold Tight) by @lalalaartje

(E, 46k, Niall/Louis) When Louis ends up with Niall as a roommate after a messy break up with Harry, he considers it truly life saving. They become fast friends and while Louis is sceptical about Niall's idea to start fake dating to take revenge on Harry, it can't be that bad, can it?

neither wanting more, neither asking why (series) by @justanothershadeofblue

(E, 40k, OT5) If Louis is the origin, Zayn the expansion, Liam the complication, Niall the solution, then Harry - Harry's the completion.

Bloom by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

(T, 28k, Louis/Liam) In early 1970s Oxford, Detective Sergeant Louis Tomlinson has to deal with the dual pressures of a case that hits too close to home, and the arrival of new colleague Liam Payne.

Jump! by @reminiscingintherain

(M, 15k, Louis/Tommy Longhurst) “I absolutely know what this means, lad,” he replied, his voice gentle and supportive. “The way you’re reacting to being out there? That’s exactly why I chose you for the support slot.” He gave a reassuring squeeze. “You deserve this, okay?” 

Cold Spring by @nouies

(E, 8k, Louis/Pedro Pascal) Louis is a coffee shop owner and Pedro is his newest customer.

Chaos by @haztobegood

(M, 100 words, Louis/OMC [bodyguard]) Against the barricade, it’s complete chaos.

[lovelyney]

───────DATING HIM !! WANDERER───────

CHARACTERS: wanderer

SCENT: headcanons

WARNINGS: get’s a little suggestive at times, LMAO.

FLORIST’S NOTE: just!!! one!!! million smooches!!! pls!!!

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯2022 !! #©LOVELYNEY

꒱₊˚ 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐑 !! 𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐀𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐅𝐓

𖠵𝟎𝟏: Initially ?? This guy was the biggest twat of all Teyvat, LMFAO. Kinda still is, but shhh. . . He wouldn’t dare let anyone get close to him.

key word being ‘initially’ he came across you one day while wandering the forests of Inazuma and was like, “fuck.”

𖠵𝟎𝟐: It took him a while to fully warm up to you and trust you; you had to put in a reasonable amount of effort to show that you weren’t going anywhere.

he didn’t dare show it to you, but he felt relieved seeing you stick around after how bitterly he treated you.

𖠵𝟎𝟑: He’s always been incredibly protective over you. You’re the first one that’s decided to stick around him; you think he’s just gonna let you run off ?? Fuck no.

𖠵𝟎𝟒: That said, he’s also quite possessive as well. You’re his first love and, frankly, his last; he plans on keeping you for as long as you’ll let him. And if someone attempts to steal you ?? God bless their poor soul.

𖠵𝟎𝟓: A cocky bastard forever and always ‹3 He loves whenever you two go back and forth.

𖠵𝟎𝟔: Before, he, quite frankly, rarely showed affection. But after he was defeated, he became much more open to it since he didn’t care what people thought of him.

he also just wanted to make up for the times he didn’t give you enough love or was being a nightmare, but you didn’t hear it from me.

𖠵𝟎𝟕: He loves to tease you !! Seeing your cheeks flush because of him is the biggest ego boost putting aside whenever you’re crying out his name he can ever receive.

𖠵𝟎𝟖: Kisses you like the world’s going to end tomorrow. His kisses are always incredibly passionate and deep.

he has always loved making out with you, for some reason. he says it’s “a gentle reminder that you're mine and mine alone.” like ?? you call THAT gentle ??

shoving his tongue down your throat is his favorite pastime.

𖠵𝟎𝟗: Calls you “sweetheart,” “(my) love,” and “(my) princess/prince.”

❝I have a feeling I don’t say this as much as I should, given how much it kills my ego. But, I love you, alright? I hope you never doubt that despite how much of a pain in the ass I can be sometimes. But hey, it takes one to know one, sweetheart.❞

𖠵𝟏𝟎: 10000% pulls you close to him when it rains, so you don’t get wet. Sometimes he even lets you wear his hat just by itself !! (Alhough, the latter is more likely as it gives him a reason to keep you close.)

𖠵𝟏𝟏: Sometimes, when you two are out and about in the cities of Sumeru, Nahida likes to pop in to see how you two are doing!

she always tells you that he’s fortunate to have you and that she’s thankful that he has someone like you.

𖠵𝟏𝟐: In more crowded places, he’ll always hold a little bit more tightly onto your hand, scared that you’re going to get lost and potentially hurt.

𖠵𝟏𝟑: Holds you tightly and close whenever you two sleep, scared that you’re going to vanish the next time he opens his eyes.

𖠵𝟏𝟒: Whenever he’s deep in thought, he’ll always absentmindedly play with your fingers.

𖠵𝟏𝟓: Your entire presence is an immense comfort for him. He finds himself thinking that he wishes he could’ve found you sooner.

𖠵𝟏𝟔: Always watches over you whenever you’re doing something, making sure you don’t accidentally hurt yourself.

𖠵𝟏𝟕: Has a deep bitter resentment towards Childe since he constantly flirted with you back when he was in the Fatui 💀

𖠵𝟏𝟖: At home, he’s attached to you at the hip. Whenever you’re cooking, he’ll back-hug you, resting his chin on your shoulder.

sometimes he’ll use the excuse of “you’re obviously not strong enough to stir this so let me help you” just to hold your hand.

𖠵𝟏𝟗: Seeing you play with children brings forth a new wave of emotions for him.

𖠵𝟐𝟎: Sometimes bruises you from hard he grips you.

𖠵𝟐𝟏: Putting aside his anemo vision, fully loving and watching over you has given him a new type of freedom.

𖠵𝟐𝟐: You didn’t talk to him for a while after what he did to Nahida, and because he completely neglected your loyalty to him. Safe to say, it taught him a lesson, LMFAO.

during his resting period, he informed Nahida all about your relationship and how much he actually missed you after all of it; how, after the sour taste of defeat, he’d kill to be resting in your arms.

he cried in your arms for a long while when he finally found you; he missed you a lot more than he ever thought he would.

𖠵𝟐𝟑: Listen, just because he’s a lot kinder now doesn’t mean he still isn’t a little sadistic. . . He still loves to see you squirm from underneath him.

𖠵𝟐𝟒: When he gets nightmares, or his abandonment issues are running high, he’ll lay on top of you so you can comb your fingers through his hair. ‹33

𖠵𝟐𝟓: Loves to mark you on places that are easily spottable. That way people hopefully know to back the hell off.

𖠵𝟐𝟔: He has pretty hands !! He doesn’t see the purpose in your fascination with them or why you like to play with them, but he finds it cute, endearing almost.

𖠵𝟐𝟕: Quick to snap at anyone who’s getting too close to you or is raising their voice.

𖠵𝟐𝟖: Kept you completely hidden from Dottore; he does not trust him around you in any way.

𖠵𝟐𝟗: Now that he has you, he wouldn’t trade you for the stars or any of the planets.

𖠵𝟑𝟎: Always aggressively gives you affection when you ask for it.

while holding onto you: “is this better?😡😡”

“yes, thank you, Kuni ‹3”

“good, it better be because now i’m not gonna let you go😡”

𖠵𝟑𝟏: (↑) He’s also rather aggressive when taking of you when you’re injured or sick—that’s just how he projects his worries.

𖠵𝟑𝟐: Will sometimes threaten to drop you whenever he’s holding you and floating in the air 😭

𖠵𝟑𝟑: Actively seeks out opportunities to hold your waist/have his hands on your waist. The way they fit around it brings him a sense of satisfaction and pride.

𖠵𝟑𝟒: Only cooks/buys you the best quality of food; he will not have it any other way. If food is something that’s required for you to live, then he will only give you the best to ensure you staying alive.

this means he will not have you skipping meals or not eating !! ):< he’ll figure out the root of the reason why, try to fix it, and continue to feed you smaller portions of the meals he cooks.

[muekyn]

rq: hii pls can i request an eren x reader canon fic? like they are in a relationship but the night before she goes on a mission, they have a fight so he doest say goodbye to her the next morning before she leaves for her mission and she goes missing. eren loves her sm and spends his missions (even free time) looking for her for the next few weeks and finally finds her and apologises crying and everything saying how much he loves her🫶

a/n: this was such a sweet concept <33 i hope you like it ahh... also! for the sake of this fic, eren is a part of the survey corps still!

content: pre-established relationship, mentions of death/implied death, fluff, a bit of angst but it resolves itself

word count: 1.6k - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

it had been three weeks already.

a frantic three weeks at that.

as the days ticked by, eren found himself beyond restless; worried out of his mind. the last conversation you had with him replayed endlessly in his head. unfortunately, it wasn’t a smooth conversation.

eren had suddenly mentioned to you that he only had a few years left, and that he wanted you to find ways to start to “prepare yourself and move on”. ultimately, he wanted to remind you that his time with you was extremely limited and dwindling. and of course, you didn’t want to hear it. you couldn’t handle hearing it.

you didn’t want to move on. but eren wanted you to prepare for the inevitable future. harsh words were exchanged between each other, an argument that both of you were determined to win. but ultimately, the debate that you two had scratched away at eren, clawed and gnawed on his insides.

he couldn’t help but regret every word that he carelessly spat out.

if only he could take it all back.

if only he could see you again.

but you had been gone. for three weeks now, and it was beyond concerning.

you left for a mission the night before you and eren argued, and never returned. once your expedition was over, eren had searched the crowds of soldiers, his heart sinking when he didn’t spot your sweet face. and to add insult to injury, eren didn’t even say goodbye to you when you left, too caught up in being upset about the previous night’s argument.

the panic and turmoil eren went through was indescribable. he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sit still. he couldn’t relax in any way, to put it frankly. he was worried sick about you.

eren had to see you again, he had to talk to you again. there was no way that was your last conversation with him, right? there was no way that was the end of it. no. absolutely not.

to keep himself from spiraling, eren had to convince himself that you were out there, somewhere. maybe you just wandered off from your squad and got lost?

regardless, he would do whatever it took to bring you back home to him.

while on expeditions, eren looked for you. there were several times where eren would receive a firm reminder to “focus on the mission”, but how could he? how could he, when he knew that you were out there somewhere, potentially hurt, injured- afraid? how could he possibly focus on the mission when his mind was so full of thoughts of you?

eren searched for you in his free time as well. he spent so long searching in the forest of giant trees, he was certain that he could have mapped it out at this point. as he examined each and every crevice and corner of the forest, his hope slowly started to dwindle. there were no signs of anyone, no signs of you.

for three weeks, it was like this.

desperation started to kick in for eren towards the end of the third week. as he started another search for you, gazing at what seemed like the thousandth tree, he couldn’t help but wonder: what if that was the last time he saw you?

after all, he couldn’t keep this up forever. he was losing himself trying to find you.

eren ventured farther into the forest, coming across an area that he didn’t really recognize. in the depths of the forest was a small lake, one that extended past eren’s line of sight. guiding his horse, eren traveled down the lake’s path, his eyes scouring every inch of the dense green ferns and trees around him.

after what seemed like an hour of traveling down the lake, there were still no signs of you. just as eren was about to turn around, ready to accept defeat and despair once again, he spotted something out of the corner of his eye.

in the distance, was a small, dilapidated home. as eren approached the home, he could see just how abandoned it was. half of the house was covered in thick moss and shrubbery, wooden panels falling off the frames of the house’s structure. the home looked as if it had been untouched for a decade.

and eren would have thought that was the case, if he didn’t see the cloak that was hung outside of the house. it was yours. eren was able to instantly recognize it as yours, since he was keenly familiar with all the rips and tears that your cloak had.

with his heart racing, eren nearly toppled off of his horse with how fast he clambered off. instantly, he’s glued to the front of the house, frantically knocking on the door.

but no response.

eren pried open the door after a few minutes of waiting. peering inside, he couldn’t make out any figures or recent signs of life. it was as if you had disappeared and just left your cloak behind. truly, he was at a loss for words.

eren stood in the doorframe for a moment, unsure of what to do. small tears welted in his eyes as he came to the conclusion that he may never see you again. and to know that the last thing he told you was to forget about him, absolutely killed him.

he didn’t want you to forget him. he didn’t want you to move on.

he needed you. he needed to be with you.

but you were gone.

at the very least, maybe he could bring back your cloak. it would be a reminder of you. a reminder of your beautiful heart and your love for the world, your love for him. he would never let this small piece of you go. he would-

“eren?” called a familiar voice.

whipping his head in the direction of the sound, his eyes practically glow upon the sight in front of him.

it’s you.

eren freezes for a moment, examining you with a contortion of shock, sadness, and elated happiness on his face. was this real? were you really standing in front of him right now?

before eren can respond, you rush over to him as quickly as you can, wrapping your arms around him tightly. once eren feels your skin against his, he knows he isn’t imagining things. instantly, he locks his arms around you, embracing you as deeply as he can. you can feel the heavy weight of his chest, sporadically rising and falling as he lets out a small hiccup of a sob.

“i’ve been looking everywhere for you,” eren says, his voice wavering.

“i’m sorry…” you reply. “i ended up getting chased away from my squad… and i found this house, so i took shelter in it. i just didn’t know how to get back, and my horse ran away…”

“i’m just glad you’re okay,” eren lets out a deep sigh. “you’ve been gone for so long…”

“i know…” you trail off.

“god- you have no idea how happy i am to see you…” eren admits.

“wait- how did you even find me?” you question, just now seeming to realize you’ve been living in the middle of nowhere for the past three weeks.

eren gives a slight shrug through your grip. “i didn’t want our talk to be the last thing we remembered about each other… so, i just kept looking.”

“that’s… really sweet,” you softly breathe.

“i just- i’m really sorry about that,” eren continues. “-about our fight.”

“eren…” you gently smile at him. “it’s okay. i know you were just trying to look out for me… but i’m sorry for getting upset at you, too. we both could have handled that better.”

eren’s hold on you gets tighter as he buries himself into the side of your face, his tears slightly dampening your skin. “i regret everything i said… i don’t want you to move on, honestly. i want to be with you, forever.”

“aw,” you coo, your voice soothing and calm. “we’re with each other, right now. we’re both okay. and that’s what’s important. let’s just focus on that, for now.”

eren gives you a slow nod. “it’s just you and me.”

you grace him with a sweet smile. an angelic smile.

“…i hope you know, i’m never letting you go outside the walls without me again,” eren blurts out, his grip on you getting tighter, more protective.

“if captain levi allows you to, you mean?” you give out a breathy laugh, trying to tease him a bit.

“i’ll sneak out if i have to,” eren murmurs. “i just need you to be safe.”

“you know i’m tough,” you give a little retort. “i bet i could take on a titan or two with my bare hands.”

eren gives you a small smile, his eyes still slightly watered.

“but really,” you speak softly. “you were on my mind the whole time… i’m so relieved to see you again…”

eren gives you a gentle nod, a little embarrassed by your words. “i just… wanted to make sure you were safe…”

“i feel much safer, now that you’re with me,” you happily reply, nuzzling your face against his cheek.

eren quite literally melts from your affection. your love is so gentle, so sweet, so you.

the two of you spend a moment together, just allowing the stream of the lake to flow and fill your ears. the sound of the water is gentle. yet, it flows with such strength, such resiliency and passion. it reminds you of eren.

as the two of you make the long journey back to the walls, you feel the crisp air breeze through your hair, the wind guiding through your fingertips, the rhythmic bumping and bobbing of eren’s horse. it’s absolutely freeing. you rest your head against eren’s back, holding him tightly and just allowing yourself to be absorbed in the moment.

[uroboros-if]

DEMO ✧ WEBSITE 🌿 Last updated June '23

✧UROBOROS is a 17+ fantasy interactive fiction novel written in Twine. Play as the deity of eternity, powerless and deemed useless among gods, for nothing lasts forever. A struggle between mortals and gods sparks a conflict that may bring an end to the age of the divine rule.

This game will be completely free to play in its entirety; no necessary in-game content will ever be monetized.

You are the deity of All That Lasts Forever, a being born of the Chaotic Universe and moulded in divinity. One that exists among gods of lore, with the power to change seasons, conjure great storms, and raise life from dust.

Yet, you wield no power. Nothing lasts forever.

Relegated to an errand god, you assist the god of death with the afterlife, guiding lost spirits and hearing the dead's grievances.

Life was simple; the gods weaved the starry night that mortals slept beneath, raised the sun that humans rose to and drew the tides that guided vessels along. All was peaceful.

Until someone dared to defy death.

Your investigations into a strange occurrence will lead you to know far more than you ever intended to, unravelling what may be the precursor to the collapse of the reign of gods…

An outcast among gods and mortals, you are the grey area that bridges the two, and you will decide the fate of the world. Will you side with divinity, preserving power and maintaining order? Or will you support the struggle against them, ending a long era of oppressive rule?

✧CONTENT WARNING: depictions of war, violence, and death; mentions of cannibalism (not heavily depicted). Potentially sexually suggestive themes. 🌿

✧ Play as the deity of eternity. 🌿

Though do not expect to be powerful or beloved, with nothing within your domain. Choose your own name, personality, "gender" and "sexuality".

✧ Four characters to develop deeper relationships with. 🌿

The deity of the sun, the deity of death, the deity of misfortune, and the champion of the rebellion. All with their own themes and stories. Gender selectable. Relationships can be developed platonically or romantically.

✧ A shift away from traditional numerical stats. 🌿

Focused on immersive storytelling, make decisions true to your character, and develop complex relationships with characters that are not easily quantifiable. Your choices will seal your fate, rather than your skill at stat-raising.

✧ Decide the fate of the world. 🌿

Overthrow the current order of divinity, or fight to maintain the status quo.

✧ Explore a world of mystique and wonder, of pain and misery. 🌿

A sense of loss pervades.

NOTE: Gods canonically do not have a gender; merely their mortal forms will take on a certain gender presentation, which will be selectable. 🌿

Humans have united under one rule, one civilization—Galaio (“one place”). A prosperous and thriving civilization where no one shall go hungry, forgotten or abused — free from the misery and pain of the war that tore the world in the past.

Galaio is beautiful, with cities of gold and flowers, and villages of forests and hearth. Vines hug marble pillars, and trees line the streets. The earth has humans in her loving embrace, and the humans love the gods in return.

Deities rule the humans closely, the space that once seemed vast between them now closed. They've grown wary of humans' ability to govern themselves—they must save them from themselves.

Although many are comfortable with the idyllic lives they lead, they've become oblivious to the corruption and dissidence that grows within them — sentiments that cry for change. 🌿

This list will only cover characters you can form deeper relationships with, platonic or romantic. All characters are available for everyone and are gender selectable. They are, by no means, the only important characters in the story.

✧ Salvatore, Deity of the Sun // Sal-va-to-reh

Deity of the sun, child of the ruler of the gods and the goddess of mountains. They have a smile that lights up all their features, and radiates onto others like blessed sunlight.

Vivid and cheerful, they possess a deep sense of duty to humanity, one they uphold with steadfast fervor. Always earnest in their efforts, their optimism blinds others from the burdens they bear. 🌻

✧ Luciel, Deity of Death // Loo-see-el

One of the original Twelve gods. Their serene smile is like the caress of a breeze, with the slight chill of a bitter memory.

Their kindness belies their distance, preferring to keep others at arm’s length. They seem to be absent from all matters that concern both divine and mortal beings. Yet, their mere presence brings immutable peace, one that transports you somewhere eternally beautiful and free. 🪷

✧ Ciocana, Deity of Misfortune // Show-sah-na

Deity of misfortune and suffering, child of the deity of natural disasters and the goddess of the moon and stars. Their smile is charming and practiced, yet the corners of their mouth twist with mischief.

Plagued by the role of their own existence, they manage to maintain their confidence and quick-witted charms, masking their deeply embittered spirit. Though other gods take care to keep their distance from them, this appears to bother them little. 🥀

✧ Alessi, The Champion // Al-ess-ee

The champion to free humanity from the reign of gods, child to human parents. Their easygoing smile is magnetic, inviting others to take a closer look like moth to fire.

A natural leader, they are deeply attuned to the suffering of others and passionate about their cause. However, hidden beneath their friendliness is a righteous fury that consumes them from the inside and threatens to swallow their heart whole. 🌼

MASSIVE THANKS TO LenokaArt for the cover art!

THANK YOU to my amazing partner for the headers :DDD 🌿

[randombook4idk]

"Your ship isn't canon!!"

And? That's the point. You think I don't look at their non-canon status and don't see a goldmine for angst potential thanks to this? You think I'm weeping, but I'm rubbing my hands like a greedy little man, thinking up scenarios to make others cry.

"They don't get together." Maybe that's the point, Jerry. The tragedy of the "what if" - not knowing what road their love story could have taken, but knowing the chance of it blooming in the first place is forever lost. Or maybe it isn't and it takes many years to see the chance once again and this time not losing it. Or maybe losing again-

Creating a story where they do get together is understandable and isn't this awful thing that should be forbiden, but sometimes embracing the non-canon status isn't that bad. Sometimes I want to create a story where instead of getting together, I explore the love and how it affects the characters.

Unrequited love, one sided love, falling in love after it's too late, denial of feelings etc. You name it and I want to explore it.

Canon ships can't provide me that. Them being non-canon isn't well...canon. It can exist in one fanfic but they're still canon.

Not all love stories between characters, who were or weren't canonically in love, not ending up are automatically bad. Non canon ships can also tell a story. And I'm not just talking about well known, popular non-canon ships btw. This includes lesser know ships and crackships as well.

Sometimes I like a ship and them not being canon is the point.

[ellarain]

I'm just now realizing just how underrated ever after high is (I always knew but it's hitting me now harder than ever). Like there are many people part of it but not a lot. I keep watching edits and I cry because I miss when there were still episodes being made. Like where did it all go? What happened? It had so much potential and it all got swept away. It's so sad. I know it's just a kids show but it's so much more to me and to many, if not all of us. There's going to be a day where there are no more fans. We're going to get old and there won't be anyone to take over. We can get people interested but there'll come a day when there won't be any og fans or people that were alive when it was made. It'll lose it's a spark and die out completely. There won't be anything left. No one will have even heard of ever after high. All this will be gone. No matter how hard we try. It doesn't mean we shouldn't try at all. We should try and continue keeping the show alive. But one day all we know will be lost.

It's sad to think about and to be honest, I don't ever want to. But one day when we're 80 years old, we'll look back and smile. Enjoy the moments we have now because one day it'll be lost, forever after.

Just writing this got me on the verge of tears. And I'm probably going to start to cry any minute now.

Also sorry if this kinda got you guys down. We shouldn't stop trying. I love ever after high and I'm never going to stop. Neither should you.

[duhnova]

hot, hot - kim mingyu

werewolf!mingyu x fem!reader

word count: ~1.3k

kinktober masterlist

warning(s): smut under the cut!! (mdni), pwop, abo au, mingyu is an omega, reader is an alpha (though its not stated), sub!mingyu, mingyu is caught? masturbating, mingyu is called pup (affectionate) & omega (derogatory), slight degradation, begging?, dumbification (he goes dumb the second reader touches him), cum play?, multiple orgasms, dick riding? (mingyu fucks up into reader), hand job, mentions of wanting to eat you out, clingy mingyu (post sex), whiney mingyu, soft aftercare (kind of), let me know if i forgot anything! - don’t mind grammatical errors / typos (i tried)

mingyu was always good at keeping track of his heat; he had an app that kept detailed outlines of all his symptoms as well as accurately timing his next heat. however there were some miscalculations and now he’s started a day early. was he hanging around too many alphas that went into rut the last couple of days? was he just super stressed and his body needed the release? maybe it was the fact that he marked the wrong day on his calendar and he expected to start a day later than he actually did. 

“y/n!” he cries out as he cums all over his stomach. this is what he’s been doing all day, desperately fucking his hand as he waits for you to come home from work. he lost count of how many orgasms he’s had but it was enough to make his eyesight fuzzy and his muscles sore from tensing up. 

“one more.” he whispered to himself, a whimper leaving him as he moved his hand up and down his still painfully hard dick. he was so sensitive but he couldn’t care as he throws his head back against his pillows and moans loudly, the blood rushes in his ears and all he can think about is cumming again. 

“gyu?” you whisper, eyes wide when you open your bedroom door to see the poor boy so blissed out he doesn’t even notice you. the smell of his heat hit you like a truck, almost falling over from how strong it was. “fuck.” you go to cover your nose, citrus and wood burning your senses as you try to fight the arousal that fought to take over your body. 

“y/n.. y/n.. y/n!” your name fell off mingyu's tongue like a prayer as his orgasm hit him hard and fast again. panting heavily he finally blinks his eyes open, his senses still messed up as his head tilts down to look at you standing in the doorway. he whimpers loudly, his cum covered hand reaching for you as he whispers about how badly it all hurts. 

you were already a mess, slick coating your underwear and thighs as you stepped fully into the room. you gave up fighting your arousal (and potential heat coming) to discard your clothes as quickly as possible. you coo quietly to mingyu who hasn’t stopped whining for you, your scent finally washing over him once you crawl onto the bed to sit on your knees, hovering above his legs as you tilt your head down to look at his state. 

“did you go into heat early, baby?” you mumble, soothing your hands up his thighs and over his lower stomach. he gasps and nods his head quickly, his hips jerking up when you touch everywhere except his dick. 

it felt like forever for mingyu before you finally wrap your hand around the base of his dick. he lets out the loudest moan possible as he starts to babble incoherently, your touch alone driving him crazy as he starts to buck his hips up to fuck your hand. 

“shhh baby, let me take care of you.” you hold his hips down the best you could as you jerk your hand fast, watching how he falls apart almost instantly. 

mingyu wasn’t a typical omega, he didn’t take shit from anyone that was in a higher position than him and he’d be damned if anyone called him weak or a cry baby. yet when he was in heat he crumbled under your touch, crying from sheer pleasure of it and begging you for more, even when he physically couldn't handle it. that’s exactly where he found himself right now, crying as you ripped another orgasm from him using your hand. 

“i know,” you coo quietly, “you’re burning up.” you mumble before licking some of the cum off your hand only to scoop up more and bring it up to mingyu's mouth, letting him taste himself all over your fingers. you moan quietly when he swirls his tongue around your digits. he lets out a quiet groan at the salty taste before he’s opening his eyes to look at you, god he wanted you to ruin him so bad but he couldn’t even form coherent sentences right now with how muddled his brain was. 

so instead of taking mingyu grabs ahold of you, pulling your hips up his body so your pussy is sitting on his dick. you hiss at the contact, your clint swollen and craving stimulation. 

“such a needy little omega, covered in cum already but still wanting more.” you shake your head and tsk quietly when he whimpers and bucks his hips up into yours causing the both of you to moan.

on normal days mingyu would be on top, listening to everything you told him to do but today wasn’t a normal day. it was always bad when he went into heat but the first day was normally the worst as everything hits him at once, and right now he needed you to do all the work. 

“i’ve got you.” your voice was soft, a constraint from the words you said to him not even a minute ago. you decided to be nice today, knowing that he needed the relief because you didn’t know how long he was laying here trying to relieve his body and mind from the onslaught of lust and pain.  

you move your hips up to give you space to grab mingyu's dick, lining it up with your entrance. you don’t even have time to react before mingyus takes matters into his own hands, pushing his hips up and bottoming out in one go. your mouth falls open as you moan along with him, his dick already twitching as he grips your hips and fucking up into you like a toy. 

“gyu,” you moan, letting your body fall forward to lay against his chest, his skin burning hot as he wraps his arms around you to keep you close. you dig your nails into his shoulders to help ground yourself as he desperately fucked into you, whining loudly into your hair. “feels so good.” you mumble before kissing at his neck, sucking lightly to keep from being too loud. 

mingyu’s mouth falls open as he lets out a whiney moan, his legs tensing up as his rhythm falls apart, his orgasm fast approaching again as he holds you tighter. your name is falling from his lips for the thousandth time that day as he unloads his cum deep inside of you. he struggles to catch his breath as he stills, groaning at the way you clench around him. 

you both lay there for a second, allowing mingyu to finally come to his senses. the haze cleared from his mind as he blinked a couple times, finally registering what was going on. 

“i’m sorry,” he mumbles quietly, rubbing at your lower back. it was clear that he had a pout on his face as he huffs quietly. “i didn’t get to make you cum.” you couldn’t help but laugh quietly, sitting up and carefully moving off of his softening dick. 

“it’s ok baby, we have the next couple of days for you to make me cum.” you smile reassuringly down at him as you rest your hand on his cheek, gently rubbing his cheekbone. 

“i can eat you.” he gave you the softest puppy dog eyes ever and you almost caved. the arousal was definitely thick in the air as you rub your thighs together at the thought of him being between them. 

“not right now pup, you need a shower. you’re sticky and smelly.” you laugh again when he whines. sitting up quickly mingyu almost head butts you but you’re quick to jerk back but you’re not quick enough to escape his grasp as he grabs hold of you. 

“you smell too.” he huffs in fake annoyance as he buries his face in your neck, he always got clingy after sex (especially during his heat) and if you moved to far away he’d throw a fit. he made sure to keep you in his arms as he hoists you up off the bed, and despite your protests, and his legs shaking, he held you all the way to the bathroom.

feedback + reblogs are greatly appreciated!

[vaguely-concerned]

I’m on a Star Wars books roll so here we go with my — unhinged thanks for asking! — thoughts on Dooku: Jedi Lost, specifically the audio play. Short version: I fucking loved this one! For maximum emotional devastation, pair with Master and Apprentice and Padawan the way my stupid ass did and then be sad about it forever I guess that's what I’m going to have to do.

 Long (LONG oopsie) version:

- So. First of all, let’s get the most important thing out of the way on this here old man yaoi website. We all agree dooku and sifo dyas explored each other’s bodies right. Or at least definitely would have if not for the laws of this order etc., potentially. That’s not just me. Good. Thank you. We can now move on 

- Secondly. Well. Guess I’m just going to be inconsolable about Sifo-Dyas forever now. I miss the days in which he was just a throwaway line in AotC spawned by a random misspelling to me, rather than an eternal raw aching wound in my heart

- poor poor ventress just reading through all the proof that dooku absolutely does have it in him to be a good dad I mean master and just — idk got tired of that and went the force lightning route with her. I love the move of having her dead master hang out with her all that time as well (having her slip up and refer to ‘us’ did something to me, god this is so sad. Is he actually there in spirit or is it just her grief dreaming him up because dooku is awful and cold as a cliff  wall and she needs some kind of attachment figure even if she’ll have to reinvent him herself, rebuild him word for word, gesture by gesture. Pain. sorry about your terrible track record with father figures asajj) 

- Lene: (About Averross): He hasn’t changed. 

Dooku: (In the warmest fondest voice you ever heard) And I hope he never does

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MYSELF? MUST I SET MYSELF ON FIRE TO ESCAPE THE PAIN???

Another strong showing for Rael in general, btw. He’s so warm and charming as a presence even though he’s also a little chaos gremlin. (He’s quite similar to how Sifo-Dyas was when he was young in some ways, I can definitely start to see what Dooku responds warmly to in terms of character traits.) 

- the fact that good ol’ sheev showed an interest in rael, dooku and anakin… interesting huh! He’s just got a soft spot for the disaster lineage I suppose, maybe there’s an element there of luring yoda’s most direct lineage into the dirt with him without yoda even noticing for the longest time. Also cackling at the idea that he looked at qui-gon ‘too fucking stubborn and insufferable to fall to the dark side out of sheer spite’ jinn and went ‘...not that one tho’ fhdskjfa. And obi-wan is more like ‘that one blorbo all my little guys seem wild about but I just don’t get it guys’ 

IF rael’s refusal to join dooku at the end of ‘master and apprentice’ is the last word (which I am not convinced of ;___; be safe cowboy jedi we never see in mainline canon so far), then he’s the only one who has dodged palpatine’s attentions. Wonderful if true love that for him

ALSO rael is one of the few people we know to be on (or at least to consider himself on despite what palps might think lol) first name basis with palpatine. Hilarious. I concur with dooku never change rael 

- Sifo-Dyas: That’s insane. 

Dooku, deadpan: Yes.

Sifo-Dyas: The worst plan I’ve ever heard.

Dooku, somehow even more deadpan: Most probably. 

Sifo-Dyas: I’m in. 

Crying… weeping and dying………… what if someone could have helped sifo with his unfortunate prophecy propensity and they hadn’t drifted apart. Clone Wars averted methinks if dooku still ended up leaving the order he would have been too busy having tender gay sex with the love of his life (and only person who can call him out on his shit and have him actually listen) to be a war criminal (I am being extremely facetious of course this is very much a ‘time traveler killing baby hitler’ situation where the underlying forces causing this point in history are way too powerful to avert the catastrophe in one move. but at least palps would probably have had to pick someone else to wreck the galaxy through and sifo-dyas would be kissed & held instead of going slowly mad. A net plus some (I, me) would say) 

- I just wanted to applaud both the writing and the voice acting for the characterization of Dooku in this, from his young self trying so hard to be haughty and self-possessed but also being like, y’know, twelve and a dweeb and easy for Sifo-Dyas to pull into trouble, to the dry wit and warmth he shows with Rael and Qui-Gon or his sister later. It took me a little while to get into the voice acting specifically (the actor makes no attempt at going the full Christopher Lee, which in hindsight was probably wise), but now I love it. It gets a bit goofy in places but you know what, I am a long time lover of audio plays, that’s part of the charm 

- “Master, have I done something wrong?”

My heart is clenching… do you think… that master yoda’s deal with leaving his student to try fucking everything to have some kind of relationship with him until he just breaks down in tears of despair… is the kind of thing that maybe started a little bit of a generational trauma cartwheel through the ages. The point that bb!dooku is arrogant isn’t without merit and he strikes out incredibly ungracefully about it (in fact I would be a lot more worried than yoda seems to be that he decides to try to kill a tree about it, ‘I felt like destroying something beautiful’-style)  but I just don’t think a… fourteen year old? A teen anyway, Is going to learn what you think he learns from this. I simply don’t believe that silent treatmenting kids will teach them emotional intelligence I guess especially if they already struggle with that naturally lol 

(It is exactly the same mistake (in my opinion) that Qui-Gon makes with Obi-Wan, too, just leaving the kid completely alone and forcing them to come to you every which way for comfort or guidance instead of meeting them or reaching out to them. Especially once you see that really Dooku’s prime emotion/big core wound right from the beginning is loneliness. And that doesn’t only come from a feeling of superiority (which to be sure is also a big factor), because he has no idea where he comes from until he meets his sister. I don’t think the jedi as a whole were unsalvageable by any stretch of the imagination, but Yoda specifically… you are on such very thin ice with me at this point you little green fuck. You’re very funny and moving in yoda dark rendezvous and that’s all that’s keeping you in my somewhat good graces.)

- Okay, coming back a bit later I think I’ve found the right words to say this. more precisely dooku has two big issues which you can later see haunting all the way down his lineage — loneliness and control. (and not incidentally the intersecting elements of the two haha.) We see from his relationship to sifo-dyas that he’s not incapable of having close mutual relationships with an equal, but that kind of crashed and burned for reasons neither of them could really help and after that it seems quite telling that he has the easiest time with deeper connection in a teacher-student sort of form. I think his affection is unconditional and real, but you can’t get away from the fact that he also has the most control in that relationship structure by default, he gets to dictate what form it takes to a big extent. He doesn’t trust other people — the underlying idea ‘Only I can do this’ that eventually leads him down the Separatist path is there the whole way. It speaks both to a sense of superiority and an utter lack of faith that other people can or will help him. And then that echoes down through the master-padawan line: 

Qui-Gon with his self-righteousness and utter refusal to compromise leaving him isolated among the jedi (only he is right. Yeah the Force told him so. Don’t worry I’ve got a permit *insert parks and rec I can do whatever I want meme here*), Obi-Wan with his anxiety and perfectionism and incredible sense of shame and responsibility that he should be able to carry the whole world on his shoulders alone and beating himself up for failing, all feeding into not knowing what to do with Anakin and his complete lack of control of himself and his desperation to gain and maintain connection and love (which earns him the title of ‘Dooku’s least favorite family member’ fhdsa his immediate disdain for him is so funny and so in character. Repress and go slowly mad like a normal person anakin the way you’re carrying on is just undignified and that is much worse than being evil)… 

- Rael gently telling Dooku to take on another padawan soon… so sweet, so sad, local cowboy jedi looking out for his dad. Also highlights something about Dooku I think is true: that he does much better and seems to have an easier time holding to the light when he’s responsible for someone else. Again, I do feel like Dooku’s core problem is loneliness, but it seems like raising kids is the one point where that relaxes somewhat. Maybe if Sifo-Dyas had stayed in a better mental place and they kept in touch it could have been different.

- Lene Kostana is SUCH a character! Charismatic and deeply fucked up, when it’s revealed how her and Sifo-Dyas’ relationship remains long after his padawan stage is done I felt a little bit sick, to my surprise. Because that could just be kindness on her part, of course, it’s good that he has someone he trusts to look after him when he can’t himself, but also there’s something… queasy about the way it keeps him continually young, in a way. (Notably he still calls her ‘master’ even as an adult, when they’re working together. Not uncommon in Star Wars, of course, but together with everything else going on vibes-wise… hm.) The inherent unreliable narration of this story really worked for me in this regard especially — do we know that young Dooku was entirely wrong when he sensed the dark side in her? She certainly is willing to go to lengths that are… worrying! in her fascination with sith shit, she tempted children into a dangerous place they didn’t understand and couldn’t know the consequences of and she continually puts sifo-dyas in situations that are implied to be a risk to worsening his condition. Run of the mill incredibly irresponsible at best, sincerely sinister at worst. Did she choose Sifo over Dooku because he’s more vulnerable and shapeable? There is an undercurrent of something icky and emotionally incest-y going on with how she relates to Dooku and Sifo-Dyas in general (right down to the ‘NO, no one can know about this’ intensity after the… evil moss cave. I can’t believe I’m this emotional about a book with an evil moss cave). I don’t think she’s a proper sith in any way and I also believe there is real affection there on all sides, but idk something about the whole thing makes me deeply uneasy. Yoda where the fuck are you your son is out there with his irresponsible mom again they’re looking for dirty needles in haystacks and they’re not even wearing any gloves

- dooku telling sifo-dyas he can come back to haunt him if he likes as a joke… well well well I’m sure that doesn’t ring with some dramatic irony at some point down the line lmao

- honestly looking back at master and apprentice after reading jedi lost makes qui-gon's apparent lack of reaction to dooku leaving seem — let's call it highly suspect haha. rael asks him if he's spoken to dooku after and qui-gon is like 'no. why would I. it's literally fine. anyway this topic is done now'. (and rael seems to just go ‘*older brotherly knowing* uh-huh’) meanwhile he's thinking about dooku *all the time* trying to figure out his role as master to obi-wan, thinking about being a padawan himself, the parts of his life he shared with both dooku and rael. The jedi doth protest too much methinks  

ALSO how much of qui-gon thinking the council was too lenient with rael after he had to kill his padawan is about that actual situation, and how much is a ‘our family still likes my older brother more than me even though he Fucked Up so bad and breaks just as many rules as I do’ sort of deal mixed with his own neuroses about how he’s failing obi-wan (to which rael’s situation symbolizes the worst possible outcome, i.e. the kid dies and it’s basically your fault). Many thoughts. 

- moment of silence for jenza of house serenno. Girl your only sin was being surrounded by asshole male family members and I’m so sorry I think you did all you could with what you had to work with here.

Not… entirely sure how dooku’s claim to the title supersedes hers — is he a year older than her? (she’s eleven when they first meet, he might be twelve or older at that point I don’t remember haha) Does she just give up her place in the inheritance order? Are primogeniture and male heir preference factors in Serenno inheritance law? Not the most important thing honestly it works anyway thematically but could have been clarified quickly!

- interesting to see that the council’s restrictive policy against engaging with prophecies had a surprisingly big impact on how things went down. Kostana has a lot of responsibility in Sifo’s fate for insisting he keep it secret, but there is genuine fear for what might become of him if the rest of the order finds out he’s got 24/7 futurevision hovering over him threateningly… listen it’s not like the poor guy can help getting the future constantly pumped into his brain at nightmare resolutions, I think maybe if there had been more willingness to at least engage curiously with the concept of prophecy and how it works, even if you don’t put your faith in the particulars of what the prophecies say, this wouldn’t have had to be such a shitty isolated secretive life for him. hearing him slowly fall apart over the years considering how bright and lovely he started out... oof is all I can say 

- when dooku was a good jedi he was such a good jedi!!! The scene where they’re saving the kids from the collapsing hospital, every time he teaches his students anything…the impulse of someone has to do something about this! that made him so good at saving lives turning dark with the tarnish of frustration and rage over the years… nooooooooo problematic grandpa why did it have to be like this :(

- …do you think infant jedi can sense what’s going on around them in the Force. Because it makes a very sad kind of sense if dooku on some level remembers bodily or in the Force that he was not only abandoned but rejected in disgust as one of the first things he discovered in the world. Oh boy. With all the ways attachment relationships can go wonky in the first few years in real life I don’t even want to consider how much more wrong it can go when the baby is fucking psychic lol

- vaguely related: the way dooku seems to find the very idea of being truly reliant on anyone, emotionally or otherwise, personally offensive, terrifying and humiliating lol. Yoda saves him from being crushed by rubble and he is outraged because that means he can’t save himself (and his newfound sister) without anyone’s help like he thought for one glorious moment he could. The fantasy of perfect emotional self-sufficiency, doing away with all the messiness and risk of interpersonal relationships and cutting off the possibility of really being abandoned again. It’ll get ya every time. This is also a thing you see reflected in his lineage — they’re all quite inward-turning that way until you get to anakin, to different extents and with varying presentations but it is there I think. Qui-Gon turns to the Force, Obi-Wan to perfectionism and shame and rumination, Rael to the bottle and depression and hedonistic apathy, but they all struggle hugely with letting anyone in to help them. Dooku’s line are all much more comfortable being the helpers rather than the helpees, as it were.  

- “Thank you for everything, Lene. Tell Rael and Qui-Gon — tell them… tell them the Force will be with them, always”

Emotional terrorism against me specifically and personally. You asshole you just excused yourself from the non-attachment rules there’s literally nothing in the world except you to stop you from reaching out and telling your children you love them yOURSELF why are you like this

- the recurring theme of dooku seeing something beautiful (the tree in the temple, the tirra’taka as a child and an adult) and ending up lashing out to destroy it… but the tree was old and mighty and he was young and new and couldn’t truly harm it, so he was saved from his own impulsivity. And then when he sees the tirra’taka as an adult he loves it immediately. And in the end he still mangles and destroys it. He didn’t mean to, but he did. He woke it up and hurt it just by existing as a child and then he had to kill it as a mercy because he was too powerful at that point for anything to buffer his mistakes. The parallel with the bird he loved that he also couldn’t protect. He starts out with an aching loneliness somewhere at the core of him through no real fault of his own but by the end it is entirely his own fault that it’s worse, because he starts wrecking everything he loves in an almost absent-minded but definitely intentional way, like it’s a nightmare he’s listening to through the door as it happens in the next room over. He really IS the ‘I just felt like destroying something beautiful’ central of the jedi.

at the end qui-gon is dead and through dooku’s own influence, however indirectly. Rael has had to turn away from him. Sifo-Dyas is dead on Dooku’s own orders and so is his sister, he might as well have done it with his own hands. (though I think it’s very interesting that in each case he didn’t do it with his own hands, he consistently uses a middleman.) He lives within the coldness of his sterile empty castle and horrifically mistreats the one person he might have found something like connection with the way he did with his students before (Ventress), deliberately trapping her in a similar state of utter desolate isolation and telling her, essentially, ‘We’re like this as people and nothing can be done to change it. We can’t escape, we’re already doomed, stop trying, it’s too late. You are just like me (and if you aren't already I'll make you like me)’. And that’s the closest thing he gets to love anymore. When he accused Ky of using her ‘as a salve for his own loneliness’ and you’re like well well well mr projection man how’s that working out for you. He is completely, shatteringly alone and he is so entirely as a consequence of his own actions and he's too far gone to understand or care. I’m howling you useless fucking FOOL dooku  

- dooku 🤝 john gaius

“Hm. I have observed that there are in fact many flaws in our society and the government is deeply corrupt. So if I kill a few billion people here and there in order to fix it, is that not basically okay when you really think about it” 

Dooku making salient points about the political and ethical failures of the Republic and then, just when you think he’s onto something, he goes and makes The wildest fucking decisions about what to do about it. Sure. dark magic and genocide are probably the only ways out of this you’re so right bro. If we make enough minuses to add together surely we’ll end up in plus sooner or later

- *head in my hands once more* I can’t believe I am genuinely emotionally invested in someone called Count Dooku with the looks of a knockoff dracula and ultimate moral character to match right now this is terrible. hey. hey dooks. what you have to go and fuck everything up so bad for huh I’m so incredibly sad now

there is something to be said about how getting to see glimpses of what dooku looked like in the light makes it so much more heartwrenching that he never came back. he could have, a thousand times. and every time he chose not to.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if in New moon Bella had a one night stand with Jacob? (She losses her virginity to Jacob) Does she feels more insecure of her relationship with Edward in Eclipse? Does she still hangs out with Jacob? Do Edward and Bella even marry or have sex in Breaking dawn?

Oh, anon, you know not what you do.

The Thing About Bella and Sex

Remember, Bella only looks as horny as she does because she's a) a romantic b) Edward's over there not wanting sex at all. She had no boyfriends before Edward and sex was all about "sex with Edward" specifically to cement their relationship and having this validating, romantic, human experience before she went out/potentially lost all ability to want Edward in a sexual manner because of vampirism and blooooooooooood.

What I'm getting at is that sex is not a casual thing to Bella.

She wanted it without marriage because Bella has very mixed feelings about marriage and never wanted to get married at all/saw it as the death knell of her relationship with Edward and what she wanted with him.

If Bella wants to have sex with Jacob it will be because she at least believes, if not is, in love with him and wants to take their relationship to the level she was at with Edward/past where she got with Edward.

Specifically, giving her virginity to Jacob, Bella would see explicitly as choosing him over Edward, giving up on Edward, and giving away something she can never give a second time to Jacob over Edward.

This is not a casual thing and if it is a one night stand it's a very romantic "and then I sneak out the window romantically and we never speak to one another again but hold this moment in our hearts forever".

(As a reminder, Bella in New Moon wasn't ready to even think about dating Jacob until after the cliff jump/just when she spotted Carlisle's car at which point she still ran out like he was yesterday's news. We're talking holding hands level, after months of seeing him as her only friend and emotional support through this time, she's nowhere close to casual sex.)

But, There Is a Way

Oh, Hallucination Edward, my favorite character.

"Bella, don't have sex with Jacob".

Jacob doesn't realize it, but he gets to have sex with severely depressed Bella who keeps staring over his shoulder instead of at him because she's watching Edward watch her have sex with Jacob, not because she enjoys his pain (and Hallucination Edward is Hallucination Crying), but because the longer she does this, the longer Edward sticks around watching her do it.

It's almost like having sex with Edward.

The thing is...

This ain't a one night stand.

This is the most successful Bella has been with Hallucination Edward throughout New Moon. He stayed for--however long it took Jacob to get to completion.

"Jacob, we should do that again" Bella says on realizing Hallucination Edward has vanished in the aftermath.

Jacob, deep down, knows something is wrong about this but he can't pinpoint what exactly that is and having Bella as his girlfriend/having sex with her can't be a bad thing, right? This means she loves him? Right?

"I think you should also whip and or suffocate me" Bella says, because Hallucination Edward is attracted most to danger.

:/ Says Jacob who... didn't have that in mind.

Bella Still Jumps off a Cliff

New Moon remains the same, except there's a BDSM subplot in which Bella asks Jacob to make their sex life spicier and spicier while also riding motorcycles/everything else she's doing. Jacob's starting to feel used and uncomfortable in a weird way, but he still can't pinpoint what, exactly, is wrong and thinks that Bella's just... a little messed up from Edward and kind of wild.

He assumes Edward, the leech, and evil incarnate, beat her in the bedroom and that Jacob is now in the plot of Blue Velvet. This explains why Bella can't talk to him and is also doing... this stuff...

But she still jumps off a cliff and oh there's Alice. Bella doesn't confess about her wild sex life with Jacob Black as Alice is already judging her/she doesn't want to admit she rebounded on Jacob within only a few months of Edward leaving and oh my god she rebounded on Jacob and she never realized that because she was just summoning Hallucination Edward through BDSM.

She's even feeling increasingly awkward that Jacob was around where Alice could see him and... trying to tell Alice that he and Bella are together and "no, don't tell her that, Jacob I... don't want the leeches to know. Wink."

Alice is actually fooled by this as she hasn't seen Bella with Jacob/doesn't see them because Jacob is a shapeshifter. She just thinks Bella is being weird because Edward left her (and she told Edward this would happen).

Fast forward, Bella has to save Edward's life, Jacob is even more appalled as Bella's leaving him to save Edward then we get back and oooooh Edward did want to get back together. Bella hadn't realized that.

Now, in her bedroom, Bella is having a crisis. She's accepted that maybe she's rebounded on Jacob but the thing is that Edward's the love of her life but she was untrue to him. In a panic, I imagine Bella latches on to Edward and still holds the vote. She has to get turned into a vampire so Edward's stuck with her for good er before it's too late.

Afterwards, Bella realizes she has a problem, she has to break up with Jacob.

Bella Doesn't Want to Break Up with Jacob

The thing is, as in canon, Bella values Jacob's friendship and doesn't want to give it up even for Edward. She tries to back peddle with Jacob and go back to just being friends without the, you know, BDSM stuff.

Jacob can't even even more than he did in canon.

Which means he blurts it to Edward at the first opportunity. He blurts that a) he knows Edward's a sick perverted fuck in the bedroom who makes Bella do things like whip herself b) he's been sleeping with Bella while Edward's away.

Edward loses his goddamn mind.

Bad enough that Mike Newton was a hypothetical human who could hold Bella's hand while she's getting stitches. Bad enough that Jacob has appeared out of nowhere in Bella's life and Edward can't get rid of him. Now Jacob is Bella's lover, who truly cares for him, and Bella thinks Edward's a pervert weirdo?!?!?!

Edward can't get over this. He confronts Bella who tries to set the story straight but makes it worse. See, Edward, she liked adrenaline things when he was away and discovered um her sexuality and BDSM. Jacob just thinks it was because of Edward for some reason and that reason is totally wrong.

Edward now feels like a prude, emasculated, and dying that JACOB CAN HAVE SEX WITH BELLA AND EDWARD HASN'T. I imagine...

Nothing actually changes, Edward still wants to marry first, then have sex, but this will always haunt him and always come up in every argument. He pointedly 'forgives' Bella for cheating on him (which Bella's grateful for because she feels like she cheated even though Edward had very much left), he still pressures her to marry him to have sex with him/turn her, and so we get the rest of the plot.

Just that when Jacob's a mind whammied thrall he tells Renesmee "I've been in your mother's human vagina just like you :)"

[resident-problem]

***Spoilers Ahead***

So I'm reading the Chant of Light, as one does and this might be prophesy of the events of Dreadwolf? This is from the the Canticle of Exaltations by the way, which I guess (to all my former and current Christans/bible knowers) is basically the Thedas equivalent of Revelations.

This section of the Canticle is specifically signs of the Maker's return, so that's cool ig

"Seven times seventy men of stone (Titans?) immense

Rose up from the earth like sleepers waking at the dawn,

Crossing the land with strides immeasurable,

And in the hollows of their footprints

Paradise was stamped, indelible. (The Rumbling Part 2, now with more Titans)

And I heard from the East (Par Vollen/Seheron?) a great cry

As men who were beasts (outdated and gross referrence to Qunari?) warred with their brothers,

Tooth and claw against blade and bow,

Until one could no longer be told from the other (Qun and Tal Vashoth?),

And cursed them and cursed their generations.

And those who slept, the ancient ones, (reference to Old Gods? Or maybe Evanuris) awoke,

For their dreams had been devoured

By a demon that prowled the Fade

As a wolf hunts a herd of deer.

Taking first the weakest and frailest of hopes,

And when there was nothing left,

Destroying the bright and bold

By subtlety and ambush and cruel arts.

The ninth (there are more? Anyone know ehat this is referring to?) sacred mountain (Temple of Sacred Ashes, also location of Breach) upon which rests

The mortal dust of Our Lady ascended

Whole into the heavens, to be given high honor

In the Realm of Dreams forever.

And around it, a chorus of spirits sang:

"Whatsoever passes through the fire (Holy Andrastian rite, essentially baptism which is practiced in the Chantry, so I wonder what this is actually referring to)

Is not lost, but made eternal;

As air can never be broken nor crushed,

The tempered soul is everlasting!"

(Don't know where else to put this, but in Origins, if you bring Oghren along during the Temple of Sacred Ashes quest, he essentially confirms that there is a large amount of Lyrium present in the Temple. Which (and this is speculation) could be the cause of the Ashes curative properties. Not to mention in the beginning Inquisition, Cassandra mentions that the mountains in the area are full of old mining complexes. And Varric also points out the Red Lyrium in the Temple. So there may, potentially be a corrupted titan beneath the temple?)

And I looked up and saw

The seven gates of the Black City shatter,

And darkness cloaked both realms."

(If you're one of those who also believes that the Old Gods are some sort of lock (seven "locks", seven gods) keeping the Evanuri at bay, this could be a reference to that.)

The previous prophesy appears to loosely be the events of Inquistion, excluding the part where Andraste herself rides forth and proclaims the return of the Maker. So they are possibly coming true, just not exactly as written.

After having read that, I can see why so many thought that the Inquisitor genuinely was a servant of Andraste, and that it actually was Andraste in the Fade instead of Divine Justinia. Would've been neat to hear that verse in game, maybe as a way to convince the Inquisitor that they are an agent of the Maker's will. I feel like it would've made some of the religious fervor surrounding the Inquisition make more sense.