#cuz backgrounds are a pain in the ass to figure out

[shi-gut]

yeah i really be doing two things at once 👀

[phantomrose96]

Oh okay so I have a Pikmin theory.

So for starters: Pikmin 1->2->3 are chronological. Pikmin 4 is a sort of AU of Pikmin 1, precedented on Olimar not making it off PNF-404 alive (sort of a bad-end of Pikmin 1, but also with various other AU differences).

This leads me to wonder... is Pikmin 4->2->3 arguably a canon sequence of events? Cuz either the differences between 1 and 4 have knocked canon off course, and as such 4 will never lead to 2 and 3. Or you can string them together in a way that makes 4->2->3 a plausible canonical chain.

The biggest thing that stands out to me is Louie. In 1->2->3, no one was ever sent to rescue Olimar in 1, and the second he arrives home in 2 his boss informs him that Louie was attacked ("attacked") by a space rabbit that ate the precious cargo of golden pikpik carrots, launching the company into massive debt (and he forces Olimar back to PNF-404 to treasure hunt to pay off the debt.) It's later revealed Louie was never attacked, and he ate the cargo himself.

In 4, LOUIE is sent to rescue Olimar. (He never does. He completely gives up because he forgot what Olimar looks like, and then becomes the biggest pain in your ass after YOU rescue Olimar, because Louie starts taking hostages and running from you insisting he never wants to leave PNF-404 for... some unclear reason?)

This feels like it could break 4->2->3 as a plausible canon, considering Louie is not home on Hocotate to eat his whole cargo (fucker). But I realized something.

Pikmin 4 starts more or less around when Olimar's life support runs out and he dies. You get his SOS signal not long at all before this happens. And TBH, it's probably a good additional in-game month in 4 before you actually rescue Olimar and encounter Louie. In a good-end run of Pikmin 1, Olimar needs to repair his ship and escape PNF-404 before his life support runs out. So in short: Louie fucks up the cargo sometime prior to Olimar's life support running out, and Pikmin 4 is set after his life support runs out. (Technically, they changed the amount of time his life support lasts between 1 and 4, but I figure that was to trim down Olimar's Tale in 4 and not actually for a canon reason).

My point being, Pikmin 4 being largely set after Olimar's life support runs out means Louie had plenty of time to fuck up the pikpik carrot cargo.

Then there's the fact that in Pikmin 4, Louie is desperate to STAY on PNF-404 for reasons he refuses to ever explain. Maybe, because, ya know, he's waiting for the other shoe to drop. He knows he's responsible for plunging Hocotate Freight into what was essentially $10 million of debt. Louie doesn't want to be charged with $10 million worth of theft. And without Olimar bringing home the bottle cap, there's no plan for repaying that debt.

Louie maybe wants to stay on PNF-404 because he's not going the fuck to jail.

All this to say: I think 4->2->3 is actually a completely reasonable canon sequence, if you figure the "Louie lost (ate) the $10 million of golden pikpik carrots" happens in the background, right at the start of Pikmin 4 before Olimar's life support has run out. Olimar's SOS comes through, and President, desperate for his only competent employee back to help fix this, sends Louie to PNF-404 on a rescue mission. On PNF-404, Louie figures himself a fugitive who'd rather spend his days cooking bulborbs than ever return home to Hocotate to potentially face the music of his "this was definitely a felony" crime, and so he kicks and screams and fights to stay on PNF-404...

...And you drag him home anyway, along with poor rescued Olimar who's died and come back to life... just in time for their boss to be like "YOU idiots, go get me out of debt! Go back to PNF-404"

[goldfades]

MANAGERS OFFICE: (I want to hear your individual headcannons on this so plz anyone feel free to add on)

First off, girly has snacks EVERYWHERE, so many cabinets and drawers and secret spaces with snacks in it. Something tells me the manager likes gummy and sour candies so there's lots of those.

Pr packages from brands, at one point her office was overflowing with boxes

She has one of those type writer keyboards and the girls will just be in her office chilling and relaxing/falling asleep to the keyboard clacks

Manager has a keyboard collection on the wall with different keyboards and keycaps.

Diffuserssss everywhere, the moment you walk into her office you're just hit with a wave of calm.

Baby also has candles lit and things like plants and eucalyptus.

Fluffy blankets!!!!

Comfiest couch and bean bags.

Big TV facing her desk (the girls 100% hooked up their consoles to it)

Manager also has a wii so they'll play wii sports, wii sports resorts, mario kart, and any just dance game

(Of course they're getting competitive at the basketball game on wii sports resorts)

Extra clothes for both her and the team, sometimes she just doesn't feel like going home to change, or she has a late night.

Organized as HELL, nothing is out of place and if something is she's gonna lose it. She literally needs to be organized she's the manager, assistant coach, photographer, & the media manager. If she's not organized she's not gonna have a good time.

She's an artist so she has some of her paintings/drawings, clay figures, origami just everywhere around her office. She also has the art things that old students have made her as well.

PICTURE WALL, it gets more and more full by the day.

Bookshelf that she has both hers and books for the girls

Adding onto that, next to Paige, Ice, KK, & Nika. Azzi is in her office the most just relaxing or reading. Manager always gets new books for Azzi to read or books Azzi has been talking about. They just sit in comfortable silence.

Manager's office is placed where she can see the sunset and sunrise sooo

The SKY PICTURES

OH OMG and the GOLDEN HOUR PICTURES????? I'm gonna die

I can go on and on about her office pictures alone, girly can POSE!... PHOTOSHOOT! POSE POSE

The tiktoks tooo....... don't get me started

Speaking of the windowww

Rainy days in her office must be heavnly.

The rain hitting the window (the girls watching the raindrops race <3), the candles and diffuser doing their thing, tea brewing, lofi playing in the background.

She has a fluffy ass carpet that the girls lay on.

manager has appliances in her office backroom, tea kettle, air fryer, microwave, yeah-

Let's say manager takes her pet to school (it's either take your pet to work day or she has a service animal) baby is laying on that carpet and sunbathing

Fidget toys

Manager has that big ass Snorlax beanbag

The girls always getting her new candles and essential oils <3

She has a mini fridge that she fills with drinks.

The backroom has an even bigger fridge.

Manager collects minifigures from a series and puts them on a shelf

She has suncatchers everywhere

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/4e/8a/17/4e8a1738f067a8f4d18147cf08e45aae.jpg

^ like that :b

Led lights (either the strips or the lamps)

Bomb ass computer set up, I think she has multiple computers and a big ass desk

Perfume shelf with her favorite scents

She's always going to office supply stores cuz she's always running out

Manager journals and has a shit ton of stationary items for it like pens, stickers, washi tape, etc.

She keeps her space C L E A N, and WILL scold anyone who fucks it up

Something tells me she's one of those people that hate shoes in her office, like she has slippers she makes people put on or they take off their shoes, keep their socks on and put them next to the door before they enter.

All the pain medication, go to her for it, it's in her drawer.

All of the teams comfort snacks and items are in her office in case they're overstimulated/ need a break.

Makeup drawer with a little mirror incase she needs a touch up.

Her lunches are amaaazing, she kinda had to start bringing extra cuz the team

Manager has little art projects sometimes, like those DIY wisteria flowers you hand from the ceiling or that cloud LED light thing where you put cotton over the led light strips and it looks like electricity.

But they buy her fast food so she doesn't mind,,,,,too much

"KK get the FUCK OUTTA MY PASTA GIRL!"

Since manager sucks with her phone, especially when she's locked in. The girls got her a LoveNote box where the heart spins everytime she gets a message, and they're just reminders from the girls or other silly messages.

The most common one being "You better be home in 15 minutes or we're gonna drag you out."

To be honest, if I were the manager, I wouldn't want to leave my office either, working or not.

-🐹

this is. a damn masterpiece CAUSE YES

baby girl is soooo damn organized and the whole food thing is so real, they're eating her lunch and she's just like... "but my pasta..." and they're like WE NEED THE CARBS!!!!!!!!!

if i was manager i'd never wanna leave either CAUSE IT SOUNDS... AMAZING HOLY COW

[cacao-snorter]

creepypasta headcanons!1!1!!1

Aight here are some creepypasta headcanons cuz im bored

Slenderman

-his tentacles are furry and look like really long cat tails and get puffy and zig zaggy when he’s mad. -He is a father figure to the proxies but not a super good one and typically ends up seeming like an evil boss when he wants to appear as a father figure.

-There are two computers in the whole mansion that are old but work enough to search the internet and play minecraft

-Slenderman usually doesn’t leave the proxies alone when he’s going out for awhile because the one time he did, Jeff and Ben downloaded 69 bites of gay old man 🌽 on his computer and then Clockwork shat on it after. He cried when he got home.

Jeff The Killer

-I headcanon he’s vegan bc he loves animals

-absolute baby with fragile ‘masculinity’

-his friends joke about him being a republican hillbilly because he’s southern. (actually has a very slight accent too.)

-He’s friends with Nina despite knowing that she has a crush on him. He doesn’t mind. -he makes really gay jokes with ben

-Showers like once a month and smells bad. -I headcanon that he’s asexual and fairly androgynous. Doesn’t really know what he’s romantically attracted to, nor does he care.

-Wants to be friends with Jane again but knows he can’t.

-he was high on pain killers when he killed his family and Jane’s family in the same night and continued killing because he thought there would be no going back and now is afraid of drugs.

-edgy 15 year old with offensive tumblr humor

-Toby jokes about him being fat

-His favorite song is sweet dreams.

-was actually friends with Randy, Keith, and Troy. But a massive argument caused them to stop being friends and led to the whole incident.

Ben Drowned

-Doesn’t shower

-100% gay

-Can control the power in the mansion and make the lights turn off or something.

-Surpringly good with technology and doxxes people when he’s mad. He also jokingly threatened to leak Liu’s address which scared Liu half to death.

-Has a best friend trolling trio with Jeff and EJ

-His room smells bad

-owns a worn out gaming chair

Eyeless Jack

-Doesn’t actually like eating kidneys, Chernobog just makes him, but sometimes he fools Chernobog by eating kidney beans

-Gets weirded out when somebody calls him the “son of Chernobog” because he thinks it’s weird and too fancy.

-Listens to rap music

-Tried to become a rapper and used garbage YouTube beats, he made five songs that were all about fingering Otis (Bloody Painter). He also sampled an audio of Jeffrey beatboxing sweet dreams in the background of one of his songs. This same song had kazoo in the bridge

-ex zalgo goon but nobody knows but Slenderman and he’s too scared of what everyone would think if they knew.

-Extremely insecure about his face and always has his mask on. Only people who’ve seen are Jeff and Slenderman.

Ticci Toby

-Asshole with hatchets -joked about being flat earth but now thinks he might actually be flat earth

-besties with Clockwork

-Hates waffles. He hates them so much, he went into a gas station at 9pm, shoplifted a box of frozen waffles, threw them at a group of middle schoolers, and popped a cap in the cashier’s ass when he tried to stop Toby. He actually got his face on the news for this. One time, Lazari poured syrup in the vents and the mansion smelled like waffles for a whole week, Toby had constant headaches while throwing up and crying because he thought the mansion smelled so bad.

-Very quiet and always cooperative, so he’s like Slenderman’s favorite.

-bullies jeff for apparently being fat.

-literally doesn’t sleep

-Around most people he’s his canon self, that is very cold and quiet. Around his friends he’s more fanon Toby, annoying, immature, and has a weird sense of humor.

-encouraged Jeff to go full hillbilly mode and run over Offenderman with a truck.

-smells like cat pee and butter

-Always has an attitude and mad about something.

Bloody Painter

-Listened to all 5 of EJ’s soundtracks. Has the kazoo one on his Spotify playlist.

-Artistic

-Comes off as smart but says the dumbest thing every now and then.

-Scared of potatoes. He thinks they crawl around his room at night.

-Had the weird ice cream cut in middle school.

-Doesn’t wash his hands

Clockwork

-has a very stylish pixie cut.

-people often look at her clock eye to check the time.

-makes up things to be mad about

-has a Barbie doll that Sally gave her that was naked, bald, and didn’t have arms. She twisted its legs backwards and gave it prosthetic tampon arms so that it could sit on her nightstand on all fours. His name is Hector.

-shat on Slenderman’s computer

-besties with Toby. They were actually a couple once but then Clockwork found out she was lesbian and they broke it off. Now they’re best friends and both assholes and say the meanest things to each other as jokes.

-Has freckles all over her face. Like literally everywhere.

-Has vine humor

Nina The Killer

-absolute scene queen

-Jazmin Bean listener

-Has more anger issues than Jeff

-Didn’t kill her family. It was her bullies who killed her family.

-Toby hit her with a shoe and then chased her around the mansion to hit her with the shoe more.

-“I’m not like other girls” mindset.

-actually very sweet when she’s not mad

-dyes the streak in her hair a different color every month

(Part 2?)

[dreadfuldevotee]

Today, I let myself be a bit nerdy and fan-ish and listened to the ep of David Tennant's podcast that he did with Jodie Whittaker just as like, a bit of background noise and cuz I thought they'd be a fun duo (they are).

I was not! expecting to get about 10 minutes in before I had to sit on the floor and Cry a bit because Jodie casually shattered my heart into a million pieces. Not because what she said was sad itself, but it made me realize what I've been doing and the root behind something that's been sitting on my soul for the past couple of years.

I'll give you the cliff notes, cuz leading up to the sentence is like 3 different anecdotes (which is a Mood). but basically, in specific regard to persuing acting but applicable to really anything, not having some backup plan. That you are a cat with 9 lives and you should put everything into that "first life" and go after it while youre energetic and willing. If it fails- well then you tried and you've experienced something but its not the end of the world and can go off and try again with the next "life".

It was just so astounding to me! Its such a simple concept and one I've heard put in similar ways to me when I was applying for acting programs as a highschooler, but the difference is the belief and the kind of cavalier nature of it. Actors will always say "if you can imagine doing anything else go do that". Even when they're telling you it's all or nothing, they're actively trying to psych you out, or act like your world will end. And as the shakey ass, mentally ill teenager I was faltered and got so afraid. But never because I was scared of never working or it not panning out, but just so ashamed of myself- that the Thing that's Missing In Me was the cause of doubt in everyones tone. Was why all the support in my life had that deep under current of "run for the hills, get out while you can".

And so I did. I flaked out on all my acting auditions, broke down in tears infront of my voice teacher and ghosted her, never saw my acting coach again and I switched gears completely to go into costuming. Which, I should say, I do love. Its a genuine passion and anyone whos talked to me- and especially anyone who's seen me in my day to day know that I am a certified Clotheswhore™️. But also I'd go into tech on shows and get so envious, it'd bring me to tears. I'd sob through any show and just listening to cast recordings would put me in such a deep depression. I would day dream about being on the otherside of my fittings, about being the kind of actor that my friends and I thought were the "Good Ones". As much as I loved what I was doing, I was always dreaming of something else.

I think the fact that I loved it so much helped me forget that it wasn't really what I wanted, though. I said to a friend like a week ago! that I had stopped listening to show tunes because it depressed me. Which is just? so sad? I have boxes of playbills that I've collected and gotten signed and going to the theater was something I adored. I made so many friends because I was Such An Annoying Theater Kid on both here and twitter and I think that kid would be so mortified that this thing that I still love brings me such pain right now.

This is kind of a shitty revelation to be having right now tho, because I actually still have a semester left of my degree and school is already hard enough before I'd come to realization that I'm only here in this program because I severely hate myself and was too afraid to do what I actually wanted. It was so heartbreaking to me, because I had this immediate wash of "What have I done? Have I made a horrible mistake? is it all too late, did I squander my time?" Theres something to be said about classical education or just any acting education. Most everything I know is my own personal snobbery and Autistic Affliction, but I dont know what thats worth in reality.

A Lot of this can be summed up in "20 smth feels like life is over if you dont have it figured out by graduation" and ik that's silly and untrue at heart. But I felt it then at 15 the way I do now at 21- That theater is a true love of my life and that I've been in a kind of agony being away from it that I wasnt prepared for.

I dooon't know what that means or what that says about me or even what the fuck to do with this information now that its been beat across my head. The self hate is still there. I still feel a burning shame whenever I become aware of how honest I'm being about myself where other people can see. But I think I'll die unhappy if I never tried. I don't want it to be a casual thing because its never been a casual love for me. I could be so happy sewing in my freetime or only doing it as something to keep bills paid but I would want acting to consume my life. I want to take it seriously and squander all other prospects to keep fueling it.

[lovenliterature]

Thoughts on Midnights

I did write this back when I first listened to Midnights but forgot to post it so some of my thoughts I don't know what I meant any more

Note - first two songs are technically second listen because of the FUCKING DAILY MAIL

1 - Lavender Haze

Really liked the vibe from the off

Not her usual style and I LOVE it

Definitely one to dance to

Really evocative of clubbing nights, that drunken time

No room for anything between one night stand/lifelong commitment (I oop v much my mindset but works for me I guess)

Acc the perfect song for this exact moment, need something to distract and also remind me not to care

“Damned if I do give a damn what people say” - Nice twist on damned if I do damned if I don't and so true

Lyric vid - cool - weird sauna vibes though and also a bit elaborate/distracting

Like the background surrounding the phrase lavender haze - also feels inherently queer to me given lavender scare/lavender menace and it’s nice to have a positive spin on that

Fave lyric: “I’ve been under scrutiny/you handled it beautifully"

2 - Maroon

"roommates cheap ass screw top rosé" - lolll relatable in like a oh fuck we're gonna be hungover and this is a disaster but also we're young and fuck it is its awful at least its cheap

Love love the vibe the tune everything

Love the red shades idea it’s so cute and beautiful

The depth in her voice on “how the hell did we lose sight of us again”

Lyric video: Like the skyline but text hard to read

Red imagery cool but again distracting

Fave lyric: “carnations you had thought were roses” or “that’s a real fucking legacy”

3 - Anti-Hero

upbeat contrast I like it

Fuck I need this song forever these rhymes are BEAUTIFUL

"It’s me hi I’m the problem it’s me" - wow this is so painful and raw

"Too big to hang out" - ow accurate 

"Directly at the sun but never in the mirror" - so so painful but so true, being able to commit to the self destruction but not being able to look at yourself

Also the emphasis on how much work it is for people to love you when you destroy it 

"Covert narcissism disguised as altruism" - genius line, clever and sonically satisfying

Only the young vibes

Fan of the sofa/scale imagery

Heavy music video but works better bc quite a dynamic and fast paced song

Fave lyric: "when my depression works the graveyard shift and all the people I've ghosted stand there in the room"

4 - Snow On The Beach

don’t love the initial bells kinda opening, interesting

Might grow on me though

Lyrics are hitting okay

"I’d never seen someone lit from within" - inner beauty, glowing

"It’s fine to fake it til you make it til you do" also again just what I needed to hear

(Maybe bold the lines I needed today haha)

Fave lyric: "time can’t stop me quite like you did"

5 - You’re On Your Own Kid

like the tempo and general vibe so far

"Sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes" - beautiful juxtaposition - the dousing vs the destruction

"Starved my body" so true, as much as you try to hurt yourself to please others all you'll accomplish is breaking yourself

"Blood soaked gown" - so evocative and hurts

Okay this is a heavy fave the further through we get 

"Yeah you can face this" - lovely lovely song progression

Fave lyric: "I touch my phone as if it's your face"

6 - Midnight Rain

WEIRD start but on second listen really really like it

Feels a bit like something from 1989 but can’t figure out what but that vibe

Love the distortiony rain vibe

“I broke his heart cuz he was nice”

“I wanted that pain” - such a theme of the album so far, self destruction and the self awareness behind it too

“All of me changed” - such a conflict in relationships when one of you is comfy and happy and one of you is slowly changing and being comfy isn’t enough

Comfy isn’t always love, isn’t always compatible 

Love love the lyric vid, such a nice visualiser and goes really well w the distortion

Fave lyric: "He wanted a bride, I was making my own name"

7 - Question…?

"Can I ask you a question" - oh ow that’s always so so loaded and so painful

"It’s just a question" - ooooooh I love that hands up run away from responsibility 

Bridge is so cool 

" Does it feel like everything's just like/second best after that meteor strike?" - Meteor strike!! So cute and wow ow

"I'm sure that's what’s suitable/and right" wow no holds barred saying everything you wanna say to an ex or a friend when they’re in the wrong relationship

Fave lyric: "don’t remember who I was/before you painted all my nights/a colour I've searched for since" or "fuckin' politics and gender roles"

8 - Vigilante Shit

Ready for it vibes

"You did some bad things but I’m the worst of them" - WOW

"Dressing for revenge" - oh my god ultimate breakup vibe

Crazy ex girlfriend vibes

No body no crime vibes

"He was doing lines and crossing all of mine" - twist of meaning love love love it

Fave lyric: "Don't get sad, get even"

9 - Bejeweled

vibe of "You wear the same jewels that I gave you" from my tears ricochet

"Putting someone first only works if you're in their top five" - oof this hits DEEP, value yourself and value others but don't value them significantly higher than they do you

Also mirrorball vibes

Love the chorus vibe

"Diamonds gotta shine" (gives me vibe of another t swift song but idk which, folklore/evermore I think)

Fave lyric: "Did all the extra credit, then got graded on a curve"

10 - Labyrinth 

"I’ll be getting over you my whole life" - very first love, you never lose the love you have even if its not the same

"If it rises fast/it can’t last" - oop my relationships but also v much cam relationships 

Also doesn’t necessarily feel like just falling in love with a person but could be with a place or unhealthy thing

V heavy on distortion but the harmonies oh man

The repeated breaks are so clever, like this thing was made to break

When her voice goes deep that’s when it hits hardest

Fave lyric: "You would break your back to make me break a smile"

11 - Karma

Love the vibe

V revenge and dancy and a fuck you vibe

"Karmas a relaxing thought" - such a vibe when you've objectively been wronged

Love all of the diff descriptions

Love the bridge 

Love the reframing of karma as her boyfriend when they’ve often been referred to like that and it’s like a constant of her music it’s so interesting 

Fave lyric: "don’t you know that cash ain’t the only price"

12 - Sweet Nothing

love love the opening feels like it should be listened to by the fire w hot choc w rain outside

Sweet nothing vs sweet nothings (WOW THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE POST YOU'RE LOSING ME)

Too soft for all of it oh my god

This world hurts and that’s okay it’s allowed to I love the vulnerability 

Fave lyric: "I wrote a poem/You say "What a mind"/This happens all the time"

13 - Mastermind

 Like the vibe

Very cxg again

Love it when she flips accusations on their head and runs w them

"Born to be the pawn" - Probably meant to be read as her being forced to be the pawn but in my mind it's her happily playing the role just so she can be underestimated

"I’m the liquor in our cocktails" - I'm the fun and the spice in the relationship and maybe the danger, and maybe a little too much of me can turn these things sour

"No one wanted to play with me as a little kid/So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since" - love it, THEY pushed me to this and now I'm blamed? But I only try so hard because I want to be loved

Love the chorus

Fave lyric: "And the touch of a hand lit the fuse/Of a chain reaction of countermoves"

14 - The Great War

like the vibe so far

Surviving something and promising to be better after but there’ll always be another thing

"My knuckles were bruised like violets" - they were bruised but in a laudable way so view them as flowers, view them as romantic because it has to have been worth something

Also the support throughout and then growing about (note: no idea wtf I meant by this one ngl)

Love the vibe of bridge etc

"Soldier down on that icy ground/Looked up at me with honour and truth/Broken and blue" - he's on the ground and broen and blue, her injuries are on her fists so more active - interesting juxtaposition

"That was the night I nearly lost you" - such good subversion of expectation (loving the great war)

"Poppy in my hair" - Love the way she sings this line

"It was war it wasn’t fair" - subversion of all's fair in love and war but also things can be forgiven, it was war, it was never going to be fair and we shouldn't hold ourselves to peacetime standards

Fave lyric - "diesel is desire you were playing with fire"

15 - Bigger Than The Whole Sky

Love the vibe and emotion

"All over now" - sounds beautiful 

"You were more than just a short time" - you were worth something, your legacy lasts beyond the short time you were mine

Beautiful heartbreak song

Like the instrumental

Butterfly effect idea

"Did some force take you because I didn't pray" - lack of appreciation leading to leaving

Ashes motif again

Trying to say goodbye but not Acc over it

"What could've been, would've been, should've been you" - nice vibe, the heartbreak of never seeing someone growing into the person you saw them becoming

Fave lyric: "Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness"

16 - Paris

V bop freshers energy

Opening of lyric video good rest bit busy and on the nose

if u keep it just yours

Alcohol refs the whole atmosphere of being fucked out of your mind but drunk on love and in the love bubble

Fave lyric: "Cheap wine, make believe it's champagne"

17 - High Infidelity

Mario bros vibe lol

"Put in your headphones and burn my city" - the music as erasure and healing but also writing idea

"The slowest way is never loving them enough" - not meeting someone's needs is the slowest and saddest way to lose them, they're begging you but you can't be what they need

"He brought me back to life" - the idea of the infidelity as a way out

"Picket fence is sharp as knives" - the idea of the 2.5 kids dream as destructive and a dream u can’t reach

"Freeloading/I didn’t know you were keeping count" - the idea of love as transactional and when you start doing stuff for reciprocity you’ve fucked it

Depth of voice in "april 29th" lends significance and just sounds so nice

"Regret me" to "regret meeting me" - idea that it was always leading here

Fave lyric: "Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes"

18 - Glitch

First note sounds like smth from speak now

But anticlimactic following high infidelity

Underwhelming

It's chill enough though

"Go back to wanting dudes who give nothing"

Fave lyric: "I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch"

19 - Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve

"Pain was heaven" - masochism of feeling anything and being in a relationship bc you must be an adult now even though it's brutal and painful

"Memories feel like weapons" - a breakup turns all memories sour and abusive partners can also twist anything to be a weapon

Love the lyricism

"Never whispered about this" - blaming herself, but I'm reading it as they could have never whispered about this (Would've probably found somethign else)

"Saved me from boredom" - the hindsight seeing the toxicity of something that felt like adulthood and safety but in reality left a trail of hurt

"Now that I’m grown I’m scared of ghosts" the lasting effect of young relationships

Ignorance is bliss

"I regret you all the time" - legacy still not gone

Fave lyric: "Damn sure never would’ve danced with the devil at 19" and "Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first"

20 - Dear Reader

The direct address is fun

Being told explicitly what to read into things

Telling us to find another hero while showcasing unhealthy coping mechanisms ("fourth drink in my hand")

Fave lyric: "If it feels like a trap/You're already in one"

[empress-simps]

Hi💖! Can I have a scenario with JJK boys ( gojo, sukuna, itadori, megumi, inumaki ) with gn! Reader who is very soft, cute and innocent. At first glance they look like they couldn't even hurt a fly or know a single swear word but in battlefield they change completely by absolutely have no mercy on their enemies and a motherfcking badass?? I enjoyed your squishy cheeks scenario and I hope you can do mind! I hope you take your time and do whatever most important to you first ༼ つ ◕‿◕ ༽つ (*＾3＾)/～♡

Having a s/o who's soft but a badass in the battlefield

▪︎Featuring: Itadori Yuuji, Fushiguro Megumi, Inumaki Toge, Gojo Satoru and Ryomen Sukuna from Jujutsu Kaisen

▪︎Pronoun: They/Them [Gn! Reader]

▪︎Genre: Comedy, Humor, Flyff and a lil bit crack

▪︎Warnings: uhhh violence? language and Slight nsfw in sukuna if u squint

note: Hello! Thanks for reading my work I appreciate it! and tbh the squishy cheeks are also one of my faves I'm sorry if this took so long I wanna write the scenario I think that will suit them sooo- Enjoy! Hope this was what u had in mind

》 Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist

》 Main Masterlist

How dare you decieve this literal sunshine :<

When you charged at the special grade curse he felt like he was about to die again.

"NO! Y/N!" He shouted, voice raw and full of desperation as he tried to catch up with you but Megumi pulled him back.

"What are you doing!? Let me go! They might die! I-i can't lose them!" He yelled, trying to get put of Megumi's clutches as he could only watch in horror as you charged to the curse.

Yuuji turned limp into Megumi's arms as he saw you battle the curse with fierceness and a dangerous edge on you. He turned into the paper thingy HHAHAHAH

"W-what just happened..?" He stammered, eyes still transfixed on your form as you ran to him smiling and cheering.

"Did you saw me fight the curse Yu?! I took it down!" You cheered and spun around with him, sparkles somehow floating around you. Kugisaki tried to hide her laugh as she watched you spin around while Itadori just kinda... floats? He probably traumatized poor boi got a heart attack-

He still haven't recovered from the shock but he managed to stammer out a 'Yes'. He's still Paper! Itadori

He still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that you become an entirely different person when you fight.

He would probably shit himself if you ever get angry at him.

Ahhh my baby-

His reaction would be: 👁👄👁

Ope, sorry but he would clearly under estimate you. Not that it's intentional, he just thinks that you need his protection 24/7 because you just look so innocent and like you couldn't hurt a fly.

Oh how wrong he was.

Turns out he's the one that needs saving-

When he thought that he was done for, you suddenly kicked the curse in the face, seething. He almost thought you had an evil twin since he can't believe that's you.

"You thought you could get Megumi? Hah, fucker, DIEEEE!"

ExCuse mE wHaT wHy iS bAkugOu's SiBLiNg hErE-

Fushiguro just blinks at you while you fight the curse without even breaking a sweat, and did you curse?! He always thought his baby couldn't hurt someone but you're out there killing in cold blood-

It somehow warms his heart since you really care but he's kinda shaken to his core.

"Are you okay?!" You rushed to him and rubbed your cheek against his. "I was so worried! Don't worry! I'll watch your back so you won't get hurt!" You kissed his cheek, and just like that, any trace of you being an absolute op vanished.

He stammered, trying to ask a ton of questions but failing to.

Welp, It looks like he's the one that needs saving.

"Go honey! Screw them up! Kill them all!" Gojo let out a grin and cheered for you in the sidelines as he waved his arms around. This bitch i-

You giggled and grabbed your weapon, ready to show off to your clueless and worried students. "Of course! Wish me luck babe!"

"U-uhmm, Gojo sensei.." Yuuji gulped, worried for you. Even though he knows you're a special grade sorcerer he can't help but worry for you.

In the background you can already see them worry and being nervous

Gojo hummed, "They'll be alright! I know my baby can handle it!"

And just as he finished the sentence, you exorcised the curse succesfully. As you neared them, you have a shit eating grin plastered on your face as you took in the fsces of your students.

"We should invite L/n sensei next time when we spar!" Kugisaki suggested to her blindfolded teacher who just chuckled nervously in response.

"I would love to but-"

"He knows I'll beat his ass." You cackled, like kuroo as you looked over your lover who looked like he would pass out in embarassment.

"I did not brag you to our students just for you to bring me down."

Toge groaned in pain as blood spills out from his wound, rendering him immobile. When he found you rushing towards him he widened his eyes and shook his head rapidly, telling you to get far away as the curse is much stronger than they thought to be.

When he saw the curse approaching you and preparing to strike he felt himself grow cold as he desperately tries to use his voice, even though he already reached his limit. He felt tears prick his vision as he watched in pain in what he thought will be the end of you.

AAAACK DON'T CRY

Sliced.

Into thousand pieces. The curse didn't stand a chance against your speed and precision as you succesfully exorcised it.

He blinked; once, twice, a couple times, he couldn't really process what he was seeing.

You panted, hands on ur legs as you bent down to cath your breath. "That was a close one.." He stared in disbelief as your dangerous aura vanished and you approached him with a smile. "Are you okay? Can you stand baby?"

He shook his head "B-bonito Flakes." Then giving you a look that you better explain what just happened. You chuckled sheepishly, a cute but nervous smile appearing as you scratched the back of your head.

"Yes yes... I know I have to explain but let's get you patched up first okay?"

Never did he thought he would fall for a soft person. Not even once. Since he always find those types not worthy to gain his precious attention.

He figured out that there was something wrong with him since he's usually like more edgy type of person. Turns out he was wrong.

When he saw you in action he can't help but smirk and wolf whistle at you. He's also turned on but he wouldn't admit it outloud (save Yuuji cuz he's so ashamed by Sukuna's actions)

"Damn babe, you didn't tell me you weren't a damsel in distress-"

Sukuna didn't know if it was intentional that he got hit by your weapon, but when you apologized to him he automatically thinks that it was an accident.

"Oh no! Suku, are you okay?!" You fussed over him, trying not to burst out laughing so you won't blow your cover. He groaned in pain, you didn't exacly injure him since you'd feel bad when Yuuji takes over so that will do.

"Does it look like it?" He mumbled, not yelling since he doesn't want you to be upset with him. He becomes a putty in your hands, that's how much he's willing to do anything for you.

"I-im sorry but HHAHAHAH YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR FACE SUKU!" You booped his nose as he scowled, "You... I'll wreck you!"

You giggled, flashing him a cute smile and wink as you ran away, Sukuna hot on your heels.

You snickered, "Sure you will, honey."

[normal-thoughts-official]

The world keeps spinning (it really shouldn't)

Vance did it. He defeated Josephine, saved his grandpa and Elliot, and saved the town. Everything's fixed.

No. Everything is awful. He failed, and now his friend- now Tom is gone.

And he'd rather fight Josephine all over again, because it'd be easier than what he has to do now- tell Andy about it.

Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels)

Relationships: Andy Kang/Tom Sato, Danni Asturias/Imogen Wescott, (dannimogen is background and very brief but i couldn't resist), Andy Kang & Ava Cunningham & Lucas Thomas & Lily Ortiz

Additional Tags: tom dies and everything is awful, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Friendship, for basic context im going with the version of ILITW that i got, which is that everyone survived and noah took jane's place, and then for ILB i did the version where tom dies obviously, (which is not the version i got), (everyone survived), (i feel the need to say this for my own ego), but anyway i was like what if tho. andy would be devastated, and then... this happened?, only difference from canon is that ILITW MC told everyone about noah a lot before, also like. imma be real with yall, im physically uncapable of giving my MCs serious names, so ILB MC was named That Bitch and i didnt want to give him a real name, cuz it felt like betrayal, so im just calling him vance for this one, is it his nickname? is he called vance vance? dont worry about it, Anyway that's it, Pining, you know. before the death part. it's mentioned, also we're ignoring the whole richard tries to murder MC thing, cuz i dont have time for that, so pretend ILB ended on chapter 17, Hopeful Ending, considering the theme i mean

Read it on Ao3

The city of Westchester looks exactly the same, but somehow feels a lot less wholesome, now. Vance walks in it and feels like a corpse among the living, like a ghost screaming to everyone that something's wrong. And being ignored.

It shouldn't look the same, without Tom.

But no one knows, yet.

He swallows, running a hand behind the nape of his neck. That's why he's here, anyway - they should know, they deserve to know, and he doesn't want to have the funeral without Tom's friends there.

Which is why he's going to tell Andy. Himself, in person. Because he might not know him very well, but he wants to do the right thing, and that's the least Andy deserves. He knows there's no one Tom loved like he did Andy, and from what he's seen of them together, the feeling was mutual.

He has to do this. But he feels sick, just thinking about that bond, and how it was ruined.

How could he let this happen to them?

He was so cocky, so stupid, so reckless... He thought everything would turn out okay. Assumed it would, even, because it kept getting him through it, to think that everything would turn out fine.

God. What a joke.

He walks into the little diner Andy had recommended. I'm sure you've heard of that place, Tom loves it, he had texted. We always went there to celebrate our wins back in high school. His stomach had churned, but he didn't say anything, because he wasn't going to tell Andy via text. He has to do this right. It's the least he owes him.

So he pretended that everything was fine, and agreed to meet him there. Woke up, and dragged himself to the place, trying to muster up the courage to face the world that seemed to not even care about his mistakes.

When he gets to the diner's door, he takes a deep breath, trying to ground himself for what he's about to do. Face his own mistakes. Face the pain he caused when he failed them both.

He walks in, and to his relief, and despair, Andy is already there. He smiles brightly when he sees Vance, and Vance wants to disappear.

"Vance! Nice to see you, dude. I heard about what went down in Pine Springs, glad you're okay," he says, not giving time for Vance to answer before continuing, this weird sense of calm and sympathy about him. "So, I assume you still need help with that ghost? From what I've seen in the news, it seemed like you handled it pretty well, but it's not like they are giving us supernatural updates or anything, so I figured there were still some loose ends to tie. Are the other guys coming? Where's Tom?" he looks over behind Vance, and Vance wants to die at the question. God, how is he going to tell him? He didn't really think about that, beyond the part where he has to. "I kind of thought you'd come together again. Bad move to come separated, Tom is always late to everything, I swear if it weren't for me he'd have been kicked out of the team for missing practice too many times. And I'm not the most punctual guy in the world, mind you, but I still had to drag his ass there so he'd be on time- is everything okay?"

Vance is a little shocked by the question. It's not, but what is he supposed to answer? "Andy," he says, a little careful, "things… went a little wrong, back there."

"Oh, shoot," he says, "I'm sorry, man, I kinda assumed, when I heard about how the flooding and the animal attacks were in full swing and then just stopped suddenly, that that was when you got rid of the ghost, you know? And seeing you all in one piece… I thought it was over already. Do you need help? I can round up the guys, and we can go-"

"No, Andy," Vance says, "the ghost is gone."

Andy looks at him, confused. "Then what's the problem?"

"Tom," he says, then winces when he sees all the color drain from Andy's face.

Andy waits for barely a second, then breaks into anxious questioning. "Tom? Why? What do you mean? Is he hurt? How bad is it? Did he have to go to the hospital? Where is he?"

Vance wants to cry. God. God. He can't do this. "Andy..."

Andy just looks at him, eyes wild, terrified, and it hasn't even hit him yet. "Vance. Vance. Please. What happened? Does Tom need me? Because if so, we need to go-"

"Tom's gone," he says, and it leaves him in a rush, a whisper, taking with it the last of his energy. He's empty, and somehow, it's still awful. "He's… he's dead, Andy."

Andy looks at him, eyes wide, unfocused, lost. "This isn't funny," he says. "If Tom put you up to this, knock it off right now. Tell him not to ever joke about-"

"Andy," Vance says, then swallows. "Tom wouldn't joke about that. You know that."

"No, he wouldn't, but..." His eyes begin to water, panic settling in, gaze darting across the room as if searching for him, "But… No. No. No, knock it off."

Vance starts crying before Andy does. "I'm sorry, Andy."

--------

Andy is in shock. He freezes in place, mouth hanging open, everything about him completely still except for his eyes, still so damn wide, still searching the place, searching Vance, begging for something, anything. Vance sits him back down on the table, gently, and Andy lets himself be handled back, eyes still not settling on him.

"I'm sorry," Vance says. "I… I promised you that I would take care of him. I tried, but… I'm so sorry."

"How?" he asks, "how could this happen? This isn't… After Redfield, when everyone survived, I just… I didn't think any of us could lose to another monster, I..." He shakes his head, vigorously, desperately. "This was supposed to be over. We were done, we were free, it was supposed to be over, we were all supposed to be safe, it shouldn't..."

"I'm sorry. It all happened so fast, I… If I had been faster, maybe..."

"Well, it's a bit late for that now," Andy snaps, and Vance bites his lip, not recoiling, because he deserves it. Then Andy stops, as if realizing what he had said, and for a second, his eyes seem clear again. He shakes his head. "No. I'm sorry. I… If there's anything I've learnt from everything that happened, it's that we can't point fingers when things get hard." He finally looks up at Vance, shaking, eerily still, nothing like the guy he was just seconds ago. He's wrecked, Vance thinks, and he wants to tear at himself in guilt. "What happened? Did he- did he drown, or… Did the ghost..."

"We were fighting monsters," Vance explains. "There were just… So many of them, and it all happened so fast, I..." he looks away, not daring to look back at the memory, not daring to remember the awful scene. As if he has to. Everytime he closes his eyes, it's back, punishing him. "We got his body," he explains. "Pine Springs is taking the victims to mass graves, but we wanted to give him a proper burial. I thought… You'd want to come."

Andy seems surprised, like that hadn't crossed his mind. "You haven't buried him yet?"

Vance bites his lip. "No. We're doing it tonight. We didn't have the time before, and… Well, I thought you'd want to be there. And I think he'd have wanted his body to be in Westchester, so..." He trails off.

Andy looks at him, hesitant. He bites his lip, looks away, then back at him. "Can I see the body?"

Vance does recoil, this time. He wasn't expecting this question. "I… You won't want to."

"What do you mean, I won't want to? I need to say goodbye to him, I-"

"Andy," he says, as gently as possible, because he deserves Andy's anger, all of it, but he won't let him do that to himself. "You won't want to remember him like that. His body…" He looks at Andy's eyes. He's still furious, livid, shaking, and he's lost, and Vance realizes that he doesn't get it, doesn't understand what Vance is saying, and this might be even worse than having to tell him Tom is dead. "It's torn to pieces, Andy. There's not much for you to see."

Andy freezes, for the second time that day. "Was he- oh, god," he looks at his own shaky hands, somehow even more in shock than before. "Was it… At least, was it quick?"

Vance starts crying again. He opens his mouth to answer. He can't. He chokes on the words, on his guilt, on his uselessness. "I'm so sorry, Andy."

------

Andy throws up. Once, twice. He doesn't insist on looking at the body. Obviously, he can't. Just imagining it- it's too much.

He tries to comfort Vance, because he- he's trying to do better, with his anger, with his impulsiveness, but all he can think about is how much he wants to destroy something, and honestly, the whole conversation is a blur. He punches the wall instead, once he gets home. And throws up. Again and again. Sends his friends a message, letting them know about the funeral. Cries. Punches the wall again. And again, and again, hoping that his hands will start to bleed, that he'll tear himself apart. His mom asks what's got him so angry, and he yells, "Tom is dead!". Her face twists in shock, and he can't look at it. He runs away.

Being back outside is almost worse. Everything- it should be in shambles. The whole town, the whole world should be on fire, fizzling, filled with screams and despair, like Andy is. He's never lived in a world without Tom before, never been away from him his whole life, and it shouldn't look like it's just the same. Everything should be gone, destroyed. And it is, but it doesn't look that way, and Andy wants to tear it all apart until it makes sense, at least.

He hates Westchester now. He hates it. God damn the stupid woods, and the stupid cult, and the fucking Power! God damn Andy for telling Tom about it, for letting him become this sort of- monster hunter, for believing that just because they overcame a ghost once, it would keep happening if they pushed their luck.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

Tom can't be dead. It's impossible.

How can Andy still be standing, if Tom isn't here?

---------

He wanders like that the rest of the day, not noticing the hunger that builds up after going a whole day without eating, not noticing the passersby looking at him worriedly, not noticing the thousands of missed calls from his mom, not noticing anything but this awful despair. He knows the feeling of wanting to claw his chest off intimately well, but it's never been like that before. He wants to carve himself hollow. He wants to scream. He wants to run. And he runs from the all-encompassing nothingness, even though he has nowhere to go.

He goes from angry to empty, and then back to angry, all day long, and the day passes in a blur.

--------

Andy meets up with Vance and two girls from their crew. Their group was pretty small, he realizes. A lot smaller than Andy's was, all those years ago. Three years ago. Forever ago. Another lifetime. Just yesterday.

The cemetery is empty, but there's a grave with a black casket they're standing next to. "I thought all the cemetery crew was helping Pine Springs," he says, like he cares. Honestly, he hadn't thought about the logistics of this at all.

"They are," Vance confirms, serious. "You, uh… You know about Noah, right…?"

Andy nods. "Yeah, we, uh, reintroduced ourselves to him a little after you guys left." It was weird, to say the least. All that anger, all that betrayal, bubbling up again right when they had all started to move on from what had happened, to think that it was over… The urge to scream at him, demand answers… And then seeing all the hurt, and the confusion, and remembering that they had loved Noah, once, most of their lives, and that at the end of the day, the only one who had suffered from his actions was himself.

It wasn't easy to forgive. Not to Andy. Or Stacy. Or Ava. But they had been working on it. Maybe they couldn't forgive, much less forget, but at the same time, they couldn't get rid of that bond, either.

Still… "What does this have to do with… With Tom?" If Noah had anything to do with his death, Andy would kill him all over again. He doesn't care about his freaky powers, he'll die if he has to, but Noah will pay.

"He, uh, helped. Dig the grave and, uh, get a casket. That's how we got everything ready."

Oh. "I… I see," he says. "Is he here?"

"No. I told him you guys were coming, and he said it was better if he left."

"Oh," Andy answers. "I guess that's… Yeah. Still..." he raises his voice a little bit, in the direction of the woods. "Thank you, Noah."

He doesn't see or hear anything, not really, but still, somehow, he can tell that Noah is pleased. He can picture Noah's smile and that fragile little "friendsss..."

He sighs, suddenly exhausted.

Vance seems to notice, god bless his soul. "Are the others coming?", he asks, gently.

"Lily, Lucas, and Ava are," Andy replies. "The rest were out of town, and they… They won't make it."

"I'm sorry."

Andy kicks a pebble. "It's fine," he says. It's the kind of lie that's so absurd that it becomes true. Nothing is fine. It'll never be fine. So it doesn't matter at all, and it ends up being fine.

Vance seems to realize what's going through his head, somehow, because he looks unsure of what to say. Finally, he settles on, "uh, Andy. These are Danni, and Imogen," he says, gesturing to each of them, and Andy musters up enough energy to look at their faces while he does that, at least. Then, his eyes widen for a second, finally taking in what they look like.

"Wait, you're Imogen Wescott?" he says, a little dumbfounded. "When I heard that name, I kinda expected you to be, you know..."

"White and insufferable?" Imogen asks, a little smile directed at him, so gentle he can barely handle it. "Yeah. That's why I'd rather go by Genny, usually."

Danni frowns at her, slightly troubled. "You never told me that."

Imogen's smile turns a little brighter. "Oh, no, not for you, Danni. For you, I'd rather go by 'babe'".

Danni also smiles at her, and they squeeze each other's hands, and the edges of grief seem to turn just a little softer for them both. Andy can tell that things get just a little easier for them, just a little less grim, because they have each other. And he needs to look away, wants to run, because he and Tom… They could've… In a way, they were...

He feels like he's ready to run again. God, he fucked up so bad. What was he supposed to do now, how could he get better when the one thing in the world that always made him feel better was Tom? He lost him, he's gone, it's over, and somehow it hadn't hit quite the way it did at that moment, looking at that connection, that love that showed through grief. He averts his eyes, feeling wild and cornered, and turns back right in time to almost run into Lily - who looks devastated, and reaches out to touch his arm. Which feels crazy, because Andy is raw, and his whole body is bleeding, and rotting away, and who would touch him-

"I'm so sorry, Andy." She says, and Andy finds himself hugging her tight, and he feels like she should wither, die at his touch, suffocate, but she just hugs him back and pats him and Andy cries on her shoulder, and he's never cried in front of her before, much less like this. But he can't stop, he can't do anything, he's so heavy and dizzy and lost-

And Lily is stronger than they give her credit for, because she holds him, this endless weight that is him, even when he shakes and stains her sweater with tears, like it's nothing. She feels so solid, right then, the only solid thing in the world. She's got him, Andy knows, and it's like finally he ran into something he can take shelter in. He takes a deep breath, then another, and holds on for dear life.

"I'm sorry," is the first thing he says, maybe the only thing he knows how to say right now. Maybe this is how Jane felt, in the end - this endless spectre of regret, bigger than everything, than everyone, encompassing her and drowning her until it ate her whole and left her empty, with only the Power and its evil inside her.

He's so tired, but he's not empty, not yet.

He almost wants to be.

"Don't apologize," Lily says, so sad and sympathetic, and it takes Andy a moment to realize what she's even talking about. "I'm really sorry, I..."

It's only then that Andy's eyes focus enough to see Ava and Lucas standing a little after her, their faces twisted with sadness and bodies frozen in place. At times like this, it really is obvious that Lily is the bravest out of all of them, by far. Andy doesn't think he's ever cried in front of any of them, and Lucas and Ava look- completely lost.

Lucas is the first to talk, out of them both. His voice is very soft. "Andy, if there's anything you need..."

Ava interrupts, words leaving her way too fast. "We'll be staying with you tonight." She blinks for a second, frowning at Lucas. "Sorry, I, uh, hadn't realized you were talking." She looks like she just came out of a daze. She probably had been running that in her head for a while. Lucas puts his hand on her shoulder, and Ava runs a head on her neck, embarrassed.

"It's okay," Andy answers, even though her apology wasn't directed at him. "You don't have to, you know, watch over me or..." He trails off.

"We're not leaving you alone," Ava says, resolute. "You know the others couldn't come, but we all agreed that we should be… You know..."

Andy chokes on something he can't quite feel. He looks down at his feet, and he hasn't felt this small in years. "I… Okay."

Ava reaches out to him, hesitant, and gives him a little pat on the shoulder. Lucas starts rubbing his back soothingly, and, very awkwardly, they gravitate into a group hug. Andy can see the nervousness in Ava's eyes, the worry that she's doing this wrong somehow, like a hug is the most complex thing in the world, and he tries to muster up a little smile of encouragement to her, but he's forgotten how to do that. He doesn't know how to do anything, anymore.

Slowly, they separate, and all three of them still keep some sort of touch with Andy - even Ava, with her hand close to his shoulder - like they're trying to anchor him, but he drifts away anyway, lost in whatever it is that's left of himself.

Vance looks down at him for a moment, as if waiting for a signal, but Andy doesn't know for what, so he waits for Vance to figure it out. Finally, he says, "should we start?"

Andy frowns. "Wasn't there some other guy with you? Pork something?"

Vance, Imogen, and Danni all look at each other, uncertain, surprised, for a moment. It's Imogen who speaks up. "He… He left us."

Ava swallows. "Did he also..."

"No," she says, shaking her head, sadly. "He, uh, deserted the group."

"He what?" Someone asks, shocked, almost outraged, and when Andy sees the looks in everyone's faces, he realizes that it was him.

"He couldn't take it," Vance says, face twisted with sadness. "All the fighting, the monsters… He left."

Andy is shaking. Falling apart. About to explode. "When?"

Vance doesn't look at him. "Right before the final battle."

"He abandoned you when you were going up against the evil ghost?"

"He..." Vance begins, then finds that he has nothing else to say. "Yeah."

"How…" Andy begins, lost for words, and then it happens. He explodes. "How dare he!" He screams. "Tom was counting on him, he trusted him, he needed him, and he just left? He should have been there! He should have been there, he should," Andy looks at his own hands, in shock, watching them tremble and go out of focus, like there are tears blocking his vision, and he feels sick, on the verge of death, and he realizes that he's not talking about that guy at all. "He should have been there!" He slips from his own control, falling to his knees, covering his face, feeling shame, shame, shame, hatred, disgust. "He should… I should… Oh God, I just let him go alone..."

"Andy..." Someone says. Maybe Lucas. Maybe Lily. Maybe the Imogen girl. It sounds so sympathetic. He wants to claw at his own skin and hide.

"I should have been there, I shouldn't… I had experience, what was I thinking..."

"Tom didn't want you to go," someone else says, gently. "I was there when you talked, remember? You didn't abandon him. You said you were going to come, and he told you not to."

"Tom.. Tom is not my damn boss," Andy answers, still covering his face, feeling the tears stop spilling and start to drown him from the inside, and god damn T, the least Tom deserves is for him to be able to cry properly- "I-I should have… gone," he chokes, shaking.

The next one who speaks is Ava. "He wouldn't have wanted you to be at risk, Andy."

"I don't care. I don't care. I'm selfish like that, I'd rather it was me. I could have helped him, I could have saved him, even if I had to- to take his place..."

"Andy..." is all Ava says, sounding shaken, devastated.

"Fuck!" He screams, punching the ground beneath him as if trying to punish the earth for taking Tom. "He would have never left me like that, I could always count on Tom, I could always..." he feels his chest constrict, or maybe burst, with all the tears and horror inside of him, like he's cracking from the inside. "Always..." he can't form the words, can't find the air, and he falls in on himself, more, more, more, closing in, suffocating, "always..." he can't breathe. He can't breathe. He tries to draw it in, to keep himself steady, but every time he tries to bring it in, the air escapes from him again, further, abandoning him, and he wheezes, again, again, closing in further, suffocating, oh God, he's going to die…

"It's a panic attack!" Someone screams, then kneels beside him, putting their hands on his shoulders. "Andy. Andy. Focus on me. You need to breathe. Deep lungfuls. Come on. I'll count to four. Keep breathing in. 1… 2..."

"Can't," he wheezes. It's too strong, like there's something… Something constricting his chest, inside and outside, and then he realizes… "Binder." He sits down straighter, no longer closing in on himself, and that awful vulnerability gets even worse, but it's easier to breathe. He follows the person's counts… 1, 2, 3, 4… Then up to five, then to six, then to seven, then eight… Until finally he doesn't need help, and he opens his eyes and contemplates the absolute mess that he is, and Imogen's kind, relieved face just inches from him.

"Good, Andy, you did well… I have these sometimes, too, I know how scary they are, you were so brave..." Imogen keeps on saying, painfully understanding, and he nods, a bit exhausted to explain. He didn't take his binder off all day, didn't remember… And if he wears it for too long, he's more prone to hyperventilating, especially if he's stressed. Tom knew that. Tom would have known what was going on. Tom… Fuck.

"I'm sorry," he says, to everyone, and no one in particular.

"Don't apologize. We're all glad you're okay," Lily says, and he realizes that, somehow, she had also kneeled beside him and brought him into another hug. He hides his face on her shoulder, shaking his head, trying to breathe. Breathing. She pets his head, a little bit, and he can feel some more touch, too - little pats on his shoulder and back, all gentle, not crowding him, like he's some sort of wild animal they're trying to calm down.

God, what a mess.

He holds Lily tighter, wanting to hide from the world. She lets him, because it's the kind of person Lily is. He feels himself drift away, for a while, but Lily's still petting his head and he can't lose himself completely. He shakes his head, wanting to fight it, almost wanting to get away from Lily, but he can't escape the gentleness in her embrace. He still can't cry, but he feels his eyes water and burn anyway, and he shakes his head against Lily's shoulder. He just wants this to be over. Please, he's so exhausted.

His breaths even, despite himself, but Andy keeps shaking, and he keeps shaking his head slightly against Lily. He wants this to end, it has- has to be a nightmare…

"Shh, Andy, don't hold it in, it's okay," Lily says, slowly, sadly, and Andy shakes his head more vigorously. No. He can't be weak right now, it's only going to make it last longer. He needs to end it, can't be done with this until Tom has gotten his goodbyes.

It's the least Andy owes him, now that there's nothing else he can do.

So, he speaks up.

"We should go on," he says, suddenly feeling resolute. It's easier to do this if he has something to focus on. He needs to see this through the end, for Tom. If he thinks only about that...

"Are you sure?" Vance asks, hesitant.

Andy nods, forcing his vision to focus. "He needs to rest."

----------

Everyone's speeches go by in a blur. Vance talks about how good Tom's heart was, how he was willing to drop everything to go help a bunch of strangers, how everyone could always count on him. He cries, and he says he's sorry, and the girls put their arms around him, tell him that he did his best. Imogen brings up how kind he was, and Danni talks about his strength. They really loved him, Andy notices, and feels his heart settle just a little bit. He was loved till the end. Of course he was.

Lucas talks about how supportive Tom was, how he was always uplifting everyone around him and would let Lucas babble on about conservation for hours. Lily brings up how much he believed in her and supported her when she was making her videogames. Ava says that Tom was the only one who ever saw her looking up Westchester's history and cults and just… Sat down with her and helped, understanding that she needed this to feel safe, to feel ready, and sharing that burden of getting ready for a disgrace, just a little bit. Andy never knew that Tom had been joining Ava for research. He could've helped with that, too. He could have done a lot of things, if he had paid more attention.

He's left for last, and a part of him wants to be a coward, to stay silent, but that was never his style.

"When Tom had turned into a zombie," he begins, "Redfi- Jane made him hurt me. And I wasn't worried for myself. I was worried for him. I wanted him back, no matter what it took, no matter what happened to me," he begins, not looking at anyone in particular, because he knows most of them already know this story, but he's not going to- he's not going to deny Tom the chance to know how he felt about him, before he rests. It's the least Andy owes him.

So, he takes a deep breath and goes on, pushing himself into saying something that matters.

"Then our friends showed up, and they said that Tom was still there. That I had to reach out to him. So I tried. I talked to him about our childhood. About how much he had been supporting me… How he was my best friend. He was hesitant, but so… Scared. I didn't know what to do. Tom and I always got each other..." He loses himself a little, shaking his head, purging the thoughts that were keeping him from going on, "And then someone said, 'Andy's hurt. H-he needs help'." He loses focus for a second, and that can't happen. He takes a breath, tries to make himself talk. "And just like that… Tom came back.

"He extended his hand to me, and helped me to my feet, and suddenly there was color in his face again, and for a second he wasn't even confused as to what the hell was going on, he just wanted to make sure I was okay. He came back because I needed him. Because he couldn't bear to hurt me. He was always there for me, and I… I don't think I ever needed him more than right now."

He stops a minute, to look at the faces surrounding him. There's a grief in them that looks almost like… Pity.

And Andy isn't even mad about it. He feels pitiful.

"I'm not the best guy with words," he admits, "so I don't know how to express how much this meant to me, or how much Tom meant to me. No one understood me like him. Tom is… Was… No, is a part of me. Maybe the best part of me, because I loved him more than anything else about myself. I'll miss him for the rest of my life." He looks down at Tom's grave, carved out of anything else to say. "I love you, buddy."

It's not the greatest speech that's ever been given, but it's what he can say, and at least he's done it. He'll be able to do better, later. He'll come back to talk to him again. As many times as he can, for as long as he can. He swears on that.

Andy steps back from the grave, and doesn't look as they slowly fill it, covering the closed casket with dirt. He finally allows himself to let the exhaustion catch up with him, and is overcome by that blissful, blissful emptiness.

---------

He's fully expecting himself to drop asleep as soon as they get to Ava's place. They decided to stay there for the night, because Andy still doesn't want to face his mom, to see that same grief in her, for her to want to talk to him, to tell him that everything would be fine. He can't do that, not today. At least Lucas had enough foresight to warn her of where they are, so she should leave him alone for now. Lucas is very reliable in a crisis, Andy thinks, making a note to himself to thank him properly later.

But he can't sleep. He's too exhausted to even rest. And for some reason, even though he doesn't want to talk, that's exactly what he found himself doing for the past few hours. Vomiting up all sorts of memories and thoughts, ranging from funny moments he had with Tom to all of his regrets, and Andy's always been kind of a stress-talker, but it's never been like this. He feels like he's been skinned alive; there's nothing to hold himself together, to hold anything at all in.

He cries all the tears he didn't think he had left in him anymore, and he curses himself, and the guy who left them in the end, and Noah, and the Power, and the cult, and himself again. He scratches his own skin until Lucas gently takes his hands in his, stopping him from doing more of it. And he talks, through all of that. Talks and talks and talks.

The words make him drift through memories, through states of mind, and he knows he's so damn volatile today, it's like he can't anchor himself to a feeling, but his friends put up with him anyway.

Finally, he starts to settle into this sort of… Slowness, like his mind is clear, or maybe blank, even as he keeps on thinking. And he keeps talking through it, letting all the minor regrets have their turn after he's too damn done to keep dealing with the worst parts.

"I never told him I was in love with him," Andy says, staring at the three empty mattresses in front of him, because it's easier than looking at any of his friends, who are currently sitting right beside him, as he babbles on. "I was going to, you know? After R- Jane. I had almost died, so I figured, you know- yolo, and all that. And then I told myself, 'I'll wait until I'm out of the hospital.' And then I started to think… What if he didn't feel the same way? What if things got weird? What if I end up losing him? And I never told him," he looks at his own feet, "and now I lost him anyway."

They all just look at him. They used up all the "I'm sorry, Andy"s left in them a long time ago, he thinks. There's only so many platitudes you can muster up when you know they're worthless, when you're just repeating yourself.

God bless them for trying, though. They're sticking with him through their own- everyone's inadequacy to deal with what's going on. Andy can't thank them enough for that.

"He knew you loved him," Ava says, serious, and Andy frowns at her, doubtful. "He might not have known you were in love with him, but… He knew how much he meant to you. I'm sure of it."

Andy laughs, humorless, "did you finally get those mind reading powers you wanted?" he says. It falls flat, but they pretend it doesn't, for his sake.

Ava rolls her eyes. "Don't be an ass, Kang," she says. "No. I just… I can tell. Anyone can."

Andy bites his lip, looking away.

She presses on, as gently as she can. "Besides, you also know, don't you? Regardless of anything else… Tom loved you, just as much as you loved him."

"I still love him," Andy says, before he can think about it, and a weird kind of shame creeps up on him - for saying it, for not saying it sooner, for realizing that this… It'll probably never go away, even now that it's completely pointless, that it's just proof of his cowardice.

"That's… Normal," Lily says, fiddling a little with her sweater. "You don't forget someone just like that, just because something happened. I mean, look at me and Britney. It took me years to get over her, and even then, I had to have supernatural forces show me exactly who she was, first."

"She didn't deserve you," Ava says.

"Maybe not. It doesn't matter now," Lily says. "The point is… It's okay to still love him."

Andy hugs his knees. "I don't think anything is okay, right now."

"That's okay, too."

They stay in silence for a moment, and then Lucas speaks up. "I know 'it gets better' stories don't really help at times like these," he says, "so I won't tell you that, but… I know what it's like, to feel like nothing will ever be okay, ever be enough. So… At least you're not alone, in that feeling."

Andy's mouth does something. It's not a smile, but it's what it can do right now. "Yeah. At least it's not like last time," he says. "With Jane. We all fell apart, and… It felt really lonely, even though..." He chokes up. "I had Tom."

Lucas rubs at Andy's shoulder sadly, and Andy shakes his head.

"It's just that he didn't get it, you know? And I couldn't tell him, about what happened," he says, instead of thinking about how much worse this is, no matter how many friends he has by his side right now. "So I… Missed you guys." He finishes, ashamed.

"We get it," Ava says, solemn. "And we're sticking with you, this time around."

"Yeah," Lucas agrees.

"Yeah," Lily adds.

"Okay," Andy answers. "I… Thanks."

They hug him tighter. It's all they have to say.

[brideofcthulhu10]

Oof the thirst is real my lovelies, and it ain’t for blood! I love doing romance and smut writing, and clearly I must have some talent in it cuz you guys are lovin’ it! Thank you to my co-author @imlostinsantacarla! Hope you guys enjoy this one

Lost Boys Catch Their Fem!S/O in the Act [1/4]

CONTENT WARNING: Sexual Themes, Smut, Offensive Language

Paul

Paul and yourself were sprawled lazily upon your couch with a horror flick busily playing on your television in the background. The ominous cries of a girl being murdered filtered into the backdrop of the equation whilst the pair of your focuses was fervently purchased on the other. Your lips were molded together in a feverish battle for dominance, one that Paul was surely gaining the upper hand on. His tongue massaged yours, teeth nipping the appendage between his sharp teeth until he provoked a satisfied hum of appreciation from you. However, his hands remained tangled in your hair, cradling your head precisely where he currently wanted it the most.

Nevertheless, there was an edge of frustration building between you both, an intense stubbornness pulsating in the air, each of you far too prideful to give into the sexual tension that had ran astray the very moment that Paul had carried himself through your apartment door and seen you clad in an oversized band tee, leather booty shorts and a pair of knee high socks. The sight alone had been enough for him to almost bust a nut, yet he had to reign himself in; he was all too aware of your weak strategies that you always displayed when you wanted his attention. He had been a victim of them countless times before. Oh, it was deliberate! He was certain of it. You had precisely planned this out and he sure as hell was not going to allow himself to succumb to your sexually deviant ways. Paul was hell bent on getting back at you for the stiffy you had given him: And was not going to back down either. No, he was much too stubborn for that; and unfortunately, so were you.

Deliberately, you parted your mouth from his in a taunting stance, his face instinctively following, only for a chortle to push past your luscious lips and into his ears. Instead of diving back in like you commonly did, you turned your back rather childishly on him, pressing it into his front with the innocent appearance of gaining a comfortable spot. You had left your neck exposed though and his cool breath fanned over the expenditure of it, creating goosebumps to rise across your skin like the dead were in the movie on your TV. A satisfied simper tugged at the corner of your lips as his very own wandered over the soft skin of your pulse point, his tongue swirling around the area out of habit before he bit down and sucked the spot desperately, leaving a deep purple bruise in his wake. A tender moan floated from your mouth, fingers roving backwards into his wild blonde mane. Dammit! You couldn’t let him get the upper hand. So, you resorted for the cheapest tactic in your arsenal and ground your backside prominently into the bulge that had developed in his stained white jeans. This elicited a frustrated and pleased grunt from Paul, his pointy teeth latching onto the skin of your neck harder, almost breaking the skin. You yelped softly, brows furrowed in tender anguish. “Ow, you asshole!” You swatted the side of his head indignantly.

“Ow!” Paul grumbled, teeth nicking the sensitive spot once again, his own hand quick to capture your’s before you repeated the same sore action. “Asshole?” Paul scoffed into your ear threateningly, his arms wrapping instinctively around your middle and bringing you closer to him. “You’re practically dry humping me, Captain Horny! I can smell how wet you are.”

“Am not!” You exclaimed in protest to both of his obvious statements, your face swarming with substantial heat at being found out so soon.

“Oh yeah? Then what the hell were you doing then, hm?” You could hear the smug bastard’s grin in his ‘harmless’ inquiry, feeling it spread toothily across the bruises he had created on your flesh.

“Getting comfortable, dumbass.” You replied nonchalantly, eyes hyper fixated on the television screen before you, although it was only because you couldn’t turn your head to face Paul’s, you’d definitely crumble underneath his intimidating gaze of triumph.

“Yeah, okay, Bugs Bunny.” Paul quipped in conclusion with mock amusement, fingers smoothing against the fabric on your belly whilst his icy eyes followed yours and fixed themselves comfortably on the TV ahead.

For the remainder of the movie, Paul’s calloused nimble fingertips skimmed mockingly at the hem of your large top, the appendages seldomly touched your supple skin. The action created a crackling hot fire to ache inside the nether regions of your abdomen, your thighs instinctively brushing together to create much needed friction, which caused your backside to once again grind tenderly into Paul’s groin. A smug smile spread across your boyfriend’s countenance prior to him peppering breathy kisses into the side of your neck, tender nibbles cascading down the expenditure of it. “What do you think you’re doing, doll face?” He grunted into your ear desperately, the wet heat between your legs emitting a sweet scent that made his head spin. He was well aware of how seduced you were, yet his egotism only proved to spur on your motions in a whirlwind of stubbornness.

A flare of indignance erupted at the seams inside of your chest, blasting hot ash through your veins. In one swift motion, you had collected yourself into a seating position, back still directed towards Paul and his wild shit eating grin. “I’m gonna go take a shower.” You stated plainly, already on your feet as you stomped towards your bathroom in childish defeat. You could hear Paul snicker boisterously from the couch, you could practically envision his head tipped back all the way, that complacent expression plastered upon his dumb face.

“Awe, babe, Don’t be such a sore loser!” Paul called after you halfheartedly, victory dancing sensually in his eyes. Yet you continued onwards, entering your bathroom in a vigoring flurry of intense irritation. You slammed the door sharply behind you, the noise echoing throughout your apartment all while you pressed your back to the sturdy piece of wood before you let out a frustrated sigh of disappointment. Things really weren’t working out the way you had hoped them to.

With a tentative and unrushed pace, you peeled off your clothes, article by article. Your fingers wandered with purpose over the handle of the showers door and you slid it open effortlessly in one gliding motion. You fondled with the water fob, tinkering with it until a warm stream of water and steam cascaded from the spout. Your figure stepped carefully into the steaming shower, the placid jet of water greeting you in it’s scolding fingers as it wound through your hair and down your beautiful body. A content rush of air flowed from your mouth as the heat from the water distracted your mind temporarily from the pooling ache that throbbed inside of your core. You tipped your head back, eyes shutting peacefully as you blindly made a grab for the shampoo bottle, and as if by magic, your fingers wrapped around the thin bottle, squeezing a dollop mechanically into your free palm. You aggressively worked the product into your hair so that it lathered voluptuously, giving you a proper distraction. Though to no avail, as you washed the suds from your locks, your mind's eye only held images of Paul. You nipped your lower lip in between your teeth harshly whilst you slapped on and worked the conditioner through the end strands of your hair. The actions were something you did so naturally, they proved to provide little aberration to your pitiful predicament. Yet you persevered, taking your sweet time whilst you washed the glossy elixir from your hair. If Paul wouldn’t give you what he wanted, you would punish him for being such a hard ass. You’d make him crumble somehow…

That cocky bastard still sat eagerly on your couch, understanding as he saw it, that he’d won the world. Yet he was nowhere near as sneaky as he perceived himself to be. The agitation of failure was muddled when your skin recalled the tender, taunting caresses of his calloused fingers, the sharp and pleasurable sensations caused by his pointed teeth. Even beneath the hot water, you felt chills teasing your flesh, creating unwanted goosebumps. Your nipples stiffened whilst your mind wandered to images of his mouth clasping over them, provoking a soft sigh of pleasure to hum past your lips whilst your thighs rubbed together more aggressively, attempting to create some friction to relieve the dull yet painful ache that palpated inside of you. The feeling haunted you whilst your fingers slid down your front, legs spreading slightly to accommodate your hand as you swirled your appendages harshly on your clit, a slick wetness having pooled down your thighs by now. A frustrated whimper pushed quietly from your mouth as you quickened your desperate pace. Yet nothing appeared to satisfy or curb the intense ache swelling in your lower abdomen. There was a lingering thought that if you waltzed out there right then, bare and wet as you were, Paul would be incapable of resisting you, sheathing himself deeply inside of you…

No! You weren’t going to just hand over the victory for him so hastily. Where had your unwavering stubbornness retreated to? That was right, if you couldn’t beat the smug bastard, then you had to join him in his damned little game. A devilish grin slithered itself onto your countenance as you pulled yourself from the stream of warm water. You turned to face the clear liquid bounding down you, the trickling streams of water gliding to your core, creating a delicious sensation you could not resist. Without much thought, your hand had placed itself around the handle of the detachable shower head and loudly pulled the head from it’s hook. Paul was determined to make you an utter mess. Fine, but you would give him a little show behind glass shower doors. Like a doll behind a case where he couldn't touch. With ease you flicked the little gold painted lock to your sliding glass doors, looking at the misted doors with your own brand of smugness.

You slowly pressed your back against the cool tiles of your shower, ensuring that your front was on full display towards the door of the bathroom. You eagerly spread your legs, crouching slightly before you allowed the shower head to wander down your body sensually. Soon the powerful jet met your clit, pounding a large amount of water onto it. A desperate hitch of breath burst from your mouth, followed by a long wanton moan. The muscles in your legs shuddered, your head tipping back at the sensation of the water pulsating against your core. A string of hot curses flooded from your mouth, along with sweet delectable noises that only seemed to gain in volume whilst your back eagerly curled from the wall. Your knees began to shake, buckling nearly from the satisfying pleasure that built up within you. “F-fuck!” The whine that left your agape mouth echoed, a shrill pleading that was delicately carried through the shut door into the hallway, and brushed over Paul's sensitive hearing still wedged tightly in your couch. The sound perked his entire body up, turning his head to which he glanced towards your room with a perplexed expression.

“Kitten?” He called almost inquisitively, leaning over the back of the sofa, his head cocked to the side. Once more he was met with precious moans that sent chills down his cold back, a low heat rumbling in his chest. “You little devil, doll.” Paul snickered, prompting himself to his feet and towards your bedroom. As he entered the room, your prevalent whimpers, begging for release were practically ringing in his ears at this point. Braggadocio lifted up his head and shoulders confidently as his hand slid over the doorknob to your bathroom and he turned the thing slowly before pushing the door open in one smooth swing, revealing a sight that almost made him come inside of his pants then and there. A heavy mist billowed out, steam weighing heavily with significant change in the air when he stepped in. The mirror was completely coated in thick, slippery perspiration, but those water splattered glass doors displayed his gorgeous prize. There you were tightly pressed against the tiled walls with that silver shower head shoved deep between your legs firing a brutal stream against your clit, sweet legs erratically quivering to match your trembling whimper. Water flowed perfectly down smooth curves, a shrill cry prying itself from your mouth whilst your half lidded orbs bore into his dauntingly, boasting a seductive glow to them. Paul stood there for a moment, hanging back whilst he kicked his feet forward nonchalantly. A low whistle curled from his perfect lips. “Look at you, kitten. You couldn’t wait for me could you?” His tone was dangerously low, pupils dilated fully as he stared at your mouth watering body like he wanted to take a bite out of it. The only response he was met with was another lewd sob, your eyes fluttering momentarily to the rear of your skull.

It was damn near impossible to subdue the wicked smirk that you boasted on full display in response to his conceited attitude, which anticipated his anxious approach with a devilish delight. He had been so thoroughly convinced that he had won, whilst his hands wrapped tightly around the handles of your shower door- and met with a solid clunk. The bewildered blonde blinked for a moment, his smirk wavering whilst he pulled again. Stuck in its place was the glass door. Your satisfied laugh chimed merrily over the loud water, pointing to shower head at the door, giving the glass in front where his face was a hasty spray before you situated the shower head once more at your core. "Who's won now, you smarmy fucker," you taunted, sticking your tongue out at him. 

"Di-Did you seriously lock me out, babe?" he questioned irately, depressing his forehead to the glass to look at the handles. Locked?!?! How could they be locked? You really were a fucking bitch! "Unfair! That's totally cheating!"

"Street rules baby, that means there are no rules. So, you get to watch," you gleefully began, grazing your fingers over your plump breast, “while I… play… without you.” You cooed at him, batting your eyelashes innocently, though every pause granted a treasure-like moan. One hand held the showerhead in place now, pelting violently into your clit, which pushed another crowing moan while you squeezed your breast with the other hand, making good use of your thumb and pointed finger to twist your tender pink nipple teasingly at him.

Paul pathetically fumed beyond the glass, desperately pressing against the glass. He wouldn’t dare break the expensive panels, yet the temptation to do just so grew increasingly whilst he watched you writhe delectably before him. Witnessing the gushes of water running down your legs in torrential plumes, your legs made his gut ache painfully. "Enjoy that bratty little mouth of yours being open kitten," he hissed with a vicious grin, leaning confidently against the door, "cuz when I get in there I'm gonna fuck your mouth until you choke on it." He finished with definite finality, his eyes twinkling with utter determination.

Somehow his threats fell on deaf ears and excited you further, laughter pouring from you between luscious moans as he had issued a challenge you weren’t afraid to take head on.  "An-And… if I cum before you get in here?"  There was that mock innocence lacing your inquiry. You knew precisely what would happen to you, and Paul was on the verge of handing it over to you on a silver platter. You now boasted your own shit eating grin on your countenance.

"You better fuckin not!” He growled viciously through tightly gritted teeth.

Oh, that familiar snarl in his voice made you giggle, loving to challenge him. Just how far could he be pushed before he snapped? Let’s see. Beneath the unyielding barrage of water, you glided your other hand to the sopping lips of your already swollen pussy, watching his nails drag on the glass. "I bet you wish you could just reach out and touch me, huh?” You breathed in a hush tone, fingers working mercilessly on your clit, working you closer and closer to your much needed release. In one swift motion, you slipped them inward, plunged deep inside were two, then three fingers, squirming against the bud inside of you. The sensation almost caused your eyes to roll back to your skull as you worked furiously on yourself, bringing yourself closer and closer to the edge. “Oh God!” You gasped, knees barely able to keep you up.

Now came the icing on the cake. You had begun to cry out his name, watching Paul almost double over, hunching his body forward. There was an inferno that had been lit inside of him, seeping rapidly into every corner of his being until he was melting at the sight of your delicious display. His own panting breaths were dragging out low, desperate grunts, seducing him to moan huskily. He felt the zipper of his pants burst, his throbbing erection aching tightly in a constrictive cage.

Your orgasm tore through your body, head tipped back whilst you screwed your eyelids shut tightly. Your limbs shook ferociously, your body almost collapsing onto the wet floor of your shower. “P-Paul!”

Paul’s name gonged mercilessly in his ears, echoing, before he grasped the handle harshly, tugging with deliberate strength and tearing the lock clean off with a single pull. On shaky limbs you snaked the showerhead back onto it’s hook, a well of pride bubbling in you triumphantly. Look who won after all? Water pelted onto your quivering body as you backed up into it. That predatory glare in his eyes caused you to snicker with glee, you were firmly pressed against the far wall, whilst he slid the door open slowly, licking his lips habitually. Even as he stepped foot into the shower, he disregarded the water that clung to his hair and clothes, in which clutched to his body. His entire figure caged you in between his arms and legs.

"You just had to fuckin' push it, kitten," he snarled, grasping your throat just beneath your chin in a firm, swift hold. 

"How can I resist?" you teased, dragging your hands against Paul's shirt that had stuck to his soaked skin. "I love seeing you so pent up.” You breathed your last statement abruptly, for him to hoist your legs around his waist with his free hand. 

“Well, guess you got to see that," he taunted with a boastful jeer of his own, trailing his fangs up the edge of your neck. "Now I get to play with you all I want," he whispered deeply into your ear, teeth bared as an animalistic growl rumbled from his chest. In a haze, his mouth found yours, a brutal battle of teeth and tongues danced desperately, the previous choreography for dominance erased. Paul was in charge and you were more than happy to oblige. Yet somewhere along the way he’d fished his throbbing cock from his soaked white jeans and he sheathed it into you with a particular hard slam of his hips. Your cunt ached from your post orgasm, a heat pooling there once more. You tore his jacket from his body, hooking your arms over his shoulders and around his neck. His tongue fought to dominate your mouth, tearing off his mesh shirt and pressing his bare chest against your tits. The intrusion left you winded as he swallowed your cries happily, his hips already pounding into you at an unruly pace. His grunts were muffled between kisses, grasping your butt with his hips pressing you into the wall. Wild trails of bites and kisses covered your neck, the concoction of pain and pleasure making you scream wildly, your limbs already quaking.

Paul drank you in, savoring those perfect moans whilst he appreciated the feeling of your nails clawing deeply down his back. "Fuckin' scream," he commanded, licking under your ear. "Scream my name, I wanna fuckin' hear you baby."

And as if by magic, you cried out wantonly, his name praising your pretty little lips as he fucked you into starstruck oblivion. Your fingers wound harshly into his blonde wet mane, tugging on the strands right at the scalp as you whimpered desperately, incapable of doing much else. Stars lined the corners of your vision as he railed into you at an unforgiving pace. He could see your eyes slipping upwards into your head, your mouth agape in a cry that had rang silent and he could feel your tight cunt pulsate and squeeze around his cock. Taking advantage of your gasping mouth he dove his tongue eagerly, almost chuckling when your vulgar tongue clung to his own wildly. A powerful spurt of liquids seeping down both of your thighs as he continued to fuck you through your orgasm. “That’s it, take my fucking cock, you little slut!” He grinned triumphantly at you before burying his face in the crook of your neck, hips faltering as he moaned profusely, his fingers digging profoundly into your hips until they were sure to leave bruises. With a euphoric groan, Paul’s hips faltered substantially before they stilled momentarily and he spilled over the edge and into you, his cool seed filling you up the brim. By now the hot water had begun to falter into lukewarm, trickling into cold territories leaving you trembling tightly against Paul's equally chilled skin. Your breath came out in erratic pants against his shoulder whilst you rested your face against his neck. You grinned tiredly to yourself, victory had instilled itself into your lap at last! You had officially won.

“Fuck-” Paul panted, one hand blindly fumbling to the right to switch off the freezing water. He still had you plastered to the wall as he slowly pulled his soft cock out of you. A dopey grin laced his mouth as he watched his seed pool out from you, almost creating another bout of lust to radiate through him. Yet as he looked up at your half-lidded eyes, he saw just how fucked out you really were. He sniggered to himself, not bothering with a towel as he carried your limp form out of the bathroom and towards your bed. “Well, aren’t you spent.” He wise-cracked, staring down at your quaking form, his fingers smoothing down your thighs before he flopped into the free space beside you. His wet arms wound themselves around your waist and brought you close to his chest.

"Pff, says the guy who broke my shower door just to get in my pussy," you taunted with a hint of tiredness in your response, flopping your arm over to slap him on the chest. Your voice crackled huskily into a snigger. Paul chuckled responsively, rolling onto his side and stretching out like a lazy, kingly lion sprawled out beside you comfortably.

"Tease all you want kitten," he grinned fondly against your neck, nibbling at the deep purple blooms on the expenditure of it, whilst his fingers stroked your raw waist. "I still got what I wanted!"

"Just you wait," you purred, kissing his grinning lips. "Next time I'm totally gonna beat you again."

Paul snorted. "Pff yeah right," he scoffed out a laugh, pulling you on top of him, your naked bodies intertwined perfectly. "Admit it, I totally won that babes."

“Well then, I guess we’re gonna have to agree to disagree because I won!” You challenged, smiling up at him. 

"Oh yeah," he asked, flipping you on your back. "Well let’s say we have a rematch, huh? Final round, winner takes all!"

You pondered his offer, your pulsing lips still dripping out juices, back still raw from being rammed against the wall. You were exhausted, yet that taunting grin of his had lit up a fire inside you once again. A quick smirk spread across your mouth, pulling him down for a sloppy kiss until he had lowered his body on top of you. Oh yeah, this time you'd totally win.

"Challenge accepted." you hummed against his mouth invitingly. That was more than enough motivation for Paul to pounce on you. One more round wouldn’t bug the shit out of your neighbors, now would it?

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hi! If you’re up for it would u mind helping me figure out my mbti type? Ok so.. I’m fine not knowing all the details of what I’m getting into. I still stress about it a lot, but deep down I think things are gonna work out eventually. i.e just moved to LA last week, lived in a friend of a friend’s apt for a few days & now living in a different friend of a friend’s place with a bunch of men I don’t know until the lease on our apt starts (which was still up in the air until a couple days ago). Don’t have a job or anything here yet I just wanted to see what it’s like

Kind of reckless ig, went on a date w some guy idk yesterday w/o sending anyone my location. I usually don’t go on dates tho bc I hate commitment, like what if someone better comes along but I was already stuck w someone else? Wouldn’t be fair to my partner if I broke up w them cuz of that, but I would be unhappy feeling stuck and unable to pursue the other person. I don’t want to be an asshole like that. Hence why I don’t date. I crave connection & intimacy but I always back out when I feel ppl getting too close

I get overwhelmed by new places/places with lots of things to look at like the inside of a department store. There are too many signs and colors and I end up getting distracted/lost. Not necessarily negative bc I like lookin around, but a pain in the ass when I’m just trying to buy like 2 things n get out.

I feel like a deer in the headlights in most social situations. I like being around ppl but I don’t know how to act or what to say especially if I don’t know them. My biggest fear is being cringe and uncool even tho I probably AM cringe and uncool. But I can put up with a lot. Rude people, messy environment, whatever. Kind of a yes woman, I’m bad at standing up for myself bc I don’t want ppl to dislike me even if I don’t particularly like them. On the other hand, getting into arguments is second nature to me. I don’t mean to start em, it just kind of happens. Constantly. I wouldn’t be able to tell someone their loud chewing is bothering me but ideas and opinions are fair game since they aren’t “real” ig?

I have a fragile ego and it makes me upset to see people my age in my field be more successful than me. It’s one of the things I’m ashamed about, as well as the fact that I know I’ll never be satisfied with a normal, quiet life. I crave novelty & respect & I’m deeply resentful that because of my socioeconomic background & unsupportive family it’s all just a pipe dream & I’m never gonna amount to anything special. I don’t do anything w/o the intention to share it when I’m done, never understood why ppl keep their creations to themselves. But I hate people seeing my process. End result only. I thrive on external motivation but when that’s missing I get depressed & can’t make myself work on any project that I used to be excited about. I think i’m a 3 or 7 if that helps

Hi anon,

I do think 3 or 7 does make sense; my guess would be 7 with a strong 3 or 4 fix.

I definitely think you are an ExxP of some sort; the openness to new experience and spontaneity and commitment-avoidance makes it hard to suspect anything else. I'm somewhat torn on Se or Ne, because you mention sensory overload (not so common with Se) but also the idea that arguing about thoughts and ideas feels more fair game because they're not real and to be honest, I'm not sure if that is more an Se trait (in that...they are not technically tangible realities) or an Ne trait (in that you want to argue about concepts but not address real things). My guess is therefore Ne, but I'd be interested in Ne or Se doms weighing in.

I also think you are probably an ExTP, so probably ENTP, in that...it's really easy to avoid arguments so if they're just happening you are doing something, and my guess is you're just sort of automatically starting debates because that is how you think - you hear an idea and counter it, not out of any malice but just because that's how you engage.

I also find that tert Fe really describes a lot of the people-pleasing/desire for coolness and lack of cringiness. Low Fi tends to just not give a shit, and high Fi tends to be focused on an identity and authenticity but less so on outside approval. I also think that ExTPs get a slightly unfair rap (and I say this with a known frustration with high Ti) for starting shit. I think for a lot of them that tert Fe really does hold them back in social situations because they do care if they are liked, and those who are more directly and deliberately confrontational and argumentative tend to have other factors involved (enneagram 8 or cp6).

So: I would start with ENTP but would not rule out ESTP, and both 7 and 3 are possible.

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[eerythingisshaka]

The Coffee Prince Pt. XIV

[T’Challa x Reader]

Word Count: 4.3K

*Part 1* *Part 2* *Part 3*  *Part 4* *Part 5* *Part 6* *Part 7* *Part 8* *Part 9*  *Part 10* *Part 11* *Part 12* *Part 13*

A/N:  Long break, but it’s back!  Hope those who read are still here to enjoy and new ones get with it too.  SO much has happened for a recap but shit went down. and now we are here.  Links to previous chapter above.

Tavia stands before you, looking healthy in plain clothes, less bewildered than your last meeting with her hair braided back like Cleo in Set It Off.  Your mouth goes dry from anxiety as you grip your door, thoughts ping pong in your mind to let her in or slam it in her face.  She has no right here.  Why didn’t you throw her shit out anyway?

Shuri steps between you both, speaking softly.  “This doesn’t have to happen if you don’t want it.  She is only here because she has made strides in rehabilitation but you have the final say.”

You swallow the rock in your throat, feeling damned by this choice being up to you. But at least you could control this situation.  “I don’t want this.”

Shuri nods,  “Then we will leave.”

“But I need to.  If it’s over with now, I can be done for good.”  You step your feet heavily aside from the doorway to allow Tavia entrance.  She hesitates, looking away but once Shuri gives her the go ahead, Tavia shuffles by to go straight to her room.  

“Do you need me with you?”  Shuri asks.

“No, it’s fine.  Thanks.”

“Ok, I will be just around the corner, waiting.”

You thank Shuri, before shutting the door slowly.  You instantly feel warm and stifled.  Having this space alone has been Hell itself but having someone there you absolutely loathe was worse.  You choose a spot on the couch, biting your fingernail anxiously.  Each click of the nail to tooth comforted you during the ransacking Tavia was doing in her room.

Tavia steps out with a duffle bag over her shoulder and a rolling luggage bag by her side.  She closes the door behind her, meandering to the middle of the living room and stops.  

“(Y/N),”  Tavia says calmly.

You lift your hand up  between your face and her.  “Don’t fucking say my name, just...”

“Ok.”  

You both sit in a stalemate of silence, making you gradually angrier.  The presence in your place felt stifling, felt evil.  You can’t stand it.  “Tavia, why aren’t you leaving?”

Tavia shrugs.  “I want to talk to you.”

“Then talk!” you shout out.

“(Y/N), you told me not to.”

You stand up, clapping aggressively.  “I said don’t say my name, Tavia!  You don’t listen, damn!”

“I’m sorry!”  Tavia screams out.  Her hands fall to her sides in defeat.  “I can’t make it better but I can’t stop being sorry!”

“And you can stay being sorry, but I will never give a fuck about the apologies!”  Your voice shakes your core, making your head throb from the energy you’re exerting.  The adrenaline you get from letting her know exactly how you feel is exhilarating and long overdue.

Tavia closes her eyes, taking a deep breath.  Tavia has never been the bigger person in an argument.  If the old Tavia caught this attitude, the whole apartment building would’ve had a show to watch.  “I just hope when you see him again, you’re as tough on him as you are on me.”

You feel your feet moving before you can think, bounding towards her.  Tavia retreats behind the kitchen bar.  “Chill, chill!”

You glare at her from behind the counter.  “Who are you threatening?  After all this bullshit, you’re still fucking around and throwing Erik in my face like he’s your personal hitman now?  Don’t think I won’t tell Shuri.”

Tavia scoffs.  “Erik?  Fuck him!  I haven’t seen him since that day.  I just know he ain’t dead, since Wakanda doesn’t fuck with that kind of thing.”

“What do you mean?  If you don’t talk to him, how do you know he’s not dead?  He almost killed T’Challa.”

“Because when I thought my head was on the chopping block, one of the red chicks said capital punishment isn’t practiced anymore.  I was talking about T’Challa, actually.”

“Shut up.”  You walk away, shutting her out as much as possible.

“I’m serious.  You want to come at me for what I did, that’s fine but you got a lot to talk to him about and I just hope cuz he dickmatized you, that you don’t let him off easy.”

You fold your arms defiantly.  “What do I have against him?  He protected me from you all acting up on me.”

Tavia bucks her eyes at you wildly.  “Do you really feel no anger towards him during all of this?”

“Of course I do!  But this isn’t about him right now!  Why are you deflecting so damn much?  You should be telling me how you and Erik decided kidnapping me and taking over an African nation could possibly turn out for the best!”

“I wasn’t a part of that.  I was-”

“But you were Tavia!  YOU put that gun to me just like he did.  I had no autonomy because you stole that by putting fear in me because I was so shook my best friend could flip on me like this.  How am I supposed to take that Tavia?  Should I just forgive you for being so close to ending my life?  And ending my child’s!”

“I didn’t know you were pregnant!  There’s no way I would’ve put you through that with that on information.”

“I didn’t know either, Tav.  But it sure is great to know that is where your moral code sticks.  ‘Let’s not wreck the fetus but send her through all the hell she can take.’  And you want to talk about T’Challa?  T’Challa the bad guy??  I would’ve taken his lies way better if they didn’t have to come out because my life was in danger!”

Tavia shakes her head, picking up her bags to leave.  “He is selfish.  If you know him, he is barely any better than Erik.  He just has a nicer way of talking.  They all lie, they all kill, you just gotta pick a side.”

“So which are you, Tav?  You still deciding?”  you ask, plopping on your couch with exhaustion, unscrewing the cap of your room temperature wine to take a swig, your hands shaking.

Tavia points to her chest, “I’m for me.  I suggest you do the same.  Don’t let him lead your life anymore.”  

“I haven’t seen him in months.  Trust me, I’m over it.”

She walks over to the door, stopping to look back at you.  “Stop thinking about him.  Get rid of that damn stuffed panther plushie, and maybe move cuz I know you can’t afford this place alone but you need a new environment.”

“Step, Tavia.”

“I’m sorry girl.”  

When she finally leaves, you glug the wine bottle a little more to drink down the pain, coughing it up when your throat closes too tight to swallow anymore.  Wiping the drips of wine off your mouth, you cry out harder than you had since you came back home from Wakanda, feeling your loneliness hit you hard.  There was no way to repair things with Tavia, no matter how badly you wanted it.  And there was no way you would reach out to T’Challa for anything ever again, no matter how badly your heart ached for a glimpse of him.  You hoped he would stay in Wakanda for good.  If he could do anything for you now, that would be the best gift you could ask for.  

The weather was getting cooler by the day as fall snapped the summer heat wave, you had more reason to stay in and unsocialize from the world around you.  You stay up late watching a marathon Will & Grace, laughing at Jack using his teaching position in his acting studio as a means to pick up guys.

“That would not fly today,”  you quip between laughs, hugging your panther plushie under your chin in the darkness of your bedroom.  The world around you grows quiet as the days get shorter, giving you peace with a sprinkling of eerie sensations.  You look at your bedroom door instinctively, feeling a shiver run down your spine ominously.  You close your eyes and shake your head.  Being alone and in the dark makes your imagination run in a dangerous direction.

“It’s nothing.  There is nothing.  It’s just you,”  you repeat to yourself again and again, pulling your covers tighter.   Your brain visualizes the worst at night.  Prowlers, murderers, ghosts, and monsters plague your brain when night falls no matter what you have watched before bed.  You say a prayer for protection to ease your worry, but something hovers above you, waiting for you to trip over your words.

The brightness of your TV creates a halo that makes your eyes tired, so you rest them while listening to your episode play out in the background.

*BANG*

The sound makes you hop up in your bed.  Listening carefully, you try to orient yourself and find out where it came from.  Your TV is off, leaving you completely wrapped in pitch darkness.  

“Heyyy, princess.”

You gasp sharply, seeing for the first time a dark intimidating figure standing by the window,

His voice is calm but in a way that you know you fucked up.  “You thought we were through?  Nah, far from it.”

He lunges at you, ripping your blanket back and pulling you by your ankles off the bed.  Yu land on the floor hard, feeling yourself land on a charger.  Your body seizes up, voice completely stolen as he gets on his knees, pushing your shoulders back until he has a clear grip on your neck.

“Just cuz that bitch punked out on me, don’t mean it’s over.  I’m taking you out regardless, and that fake ass T’Challa can come get you once your soul gone.”

His grip on your neck tightens harder and harder.  You try to beat his hands off of you but it feels like you’re underwater as your arms move slow and heavily.  You reach for his face to give him any reason to let off of your neck, but he won’t let loose his hold.  

His snarl glows in the darkness as his hands compress your neck.  “See how you like the afterlife without ancestors to take care of you, princess.  He has no clue what it’s like to be us.  Where is he now?”

You let in a deep breath suddenly, sitting up continuing to gasp for air.  Your hand rests at the base of your throat, making you pull it away, quickly running to the lightswitch.  Once your room is illuminated, you see your wrinkled up blankets, your plushie on the floor.  The TV is still off but no one is waiting at your window.  

Your heart is still pounding as you pick up your plushie and sit on the edge of the bed, taking time to evaluate what happened.  The violence of your dreams were nothing new, keeping you from being able to rest most nights.  Most of them are short, and jolt you awake so soon that you barely remember them but this one was vivid and completely etched in your brain.  Erik waking you, dragging you, choking you.  Your neck still feels sore like it happened but that must’ve been your own doing, there’s no other way.  

You fall back on your pillow but your body was too energized by the fight to rest anymore.  You watched the sun come up in its bright orange hue, lovely but nowhere near Wakanda’s views.  

At work, you feel the lack of rest overcome you as you type away at your computer, wanting nothing more than to rest your head on the keyboard.

A coworker of yours tosses a scarf around their neck with a flourish.  “Hey!  I was going to make a coffee run, and you look like you could use some!” they say in a sing songy manner.

You look up at them before leaning back and rubbing your temples.  “Ah, that’s fine.  I’m disciplining myself to finish this report before I get any treats, and I am just about there.  I’ll get some for lunch but thanks.”

“Suit yourself.  I just need something warm.  This building is terrible with heat in the winter time.  Uh...is that a hickey??”

You pull up the collar of your shirt further, feeling hot from embarrassment.  “No, uh, I got an allergic reaction.”

They squint their eyes.  “Lemme see…”

You grab your phone, pretending to take a call and apologize.  They shrug and mouth that they will talk to you later.  No way in hell could you explain that you choked yourself last night, which sounds even more freaky than the hickey assumption.

Making their exit, you rest your head on your arms for just a couple minutes and it feels so good, you can’t stand to be at work anymore, wishing you could snap your fingers and be done with the day.  Instead you shake yourself loose and type away, continuing your project until the very last minute before lunch.  

You feel a small sense of accomplishment, having done something arbitrary in the grand scheme of things but to add some positivity to your life, you decided not to deny yourself your promised treat:  a hot cup of a frilly coffee drink and maybe even a little cake pop or something.  Treat yourself Tuesday is afoot!

As you bundled up for the weather, you took your time crossing the street to make your way to the coffee shop near your job, crunching the red and orange leaves habitually along the way.  As you walk in, the smell of the roast livens you up on impact.  You wait in line behind the others, looking over the menu for fall specialty drinks until it’s your turn and you order our usual macchiato along with a big chocolate chip muffin..

“Abby!”

“Tall vanilla latte, no foam!”

“Sausage egg sandwich for Steven!”

“Order for Thomas!”

You check your phone lazily scrolling through celebrity feeds until your order is ready.  

“Oh shit, I forgot to ask for it to be warmed,” you say to yourself.

“Already done!”  The peppy freckle faced barista says.

You hold your hand over your heart, touched.  “Thank you so much!”

You put the warm pastry in your pocket and walk out taking a sip of your drink.  As you round the building, a figure in the distance looks familiar.  Long black coat, broad shoulders, a contemporary confident gait.  Your stomach does a somersault, feeling dizzy and breathless all at once.  You take your time watching him walk away, heading for the garage parking lot.  There was no doubt in your spirit that that was who you thought it was.  Your reaction told the truth that your eyes couldn’t confirm.  Was he in the coffee shop while you were?  Did he ignore you for his benefit?  No, that wouldn’t matter because that’s what you wanted.  But how could he not say anything?

After work one day you head over to the community center to visit with Shuri.  It had been a while since Tavia came that you got to talk to Shuri.  As you turned the corner the parking lot of the center looked pretty empty compared to what it used to look like during the school year.  

Walking up to the building you look around and catch a glimpse of a balloon caught in a powerline.  Across the street from the center is a park.  That park was the area in which the community block party was held that T’Challa invited you to early on in your relationship.  The bustling bodies congregated around food and music was so awesome, they really pulled something off great that day.  When T’Challa carried your weak ankle self back to your place to help mend, he seemed like the most important thing to you on Earth.  You never thought he would be the kind to lie and leave.

“HEY!”

The bang of the doors in front of you opening startles you.  A body rushes towards you suddenly.  You feel doom impending upon you as you raise your hands to stop the attack.  This wasn’t going to happen again.

“Stop stop stop!”  You yell out, stepping backwards your heel collapses over the edge of the sidewalk.  The rough asphalt catches your hand behind you as you watch two youths run past you giggling, not even noticing you on the ground.  Their laughter fades in the distance as they run across the street in the grass, slinging their backpacks at each other morning stars.

“Hey!  Why are you on the ground?”

Shuri comes out of the doors, leading with a hand out to you.  You instantly feel foolish having this stylish teenager helping you up as you sit amongst rocks and old gum.

“No reason.  I wanted to come by but some kids-”

“Eh!  It was Marcus and Angel, right?  They play too rough, and I try to tell them but they have NO RESPECT!”  She shouts at the top of her lungs to the unknowing kids.  “Come in, I was just thinking about you.”

Walking inside, the warm colors greet your eyes, entertaining you with their aesthetic.  Deep, cherry wood lines the hall with intricate carvings along the ceilings and baseboards.  Touchscreens displaying activity schedules, meal menus, and student achievements are located at the end of each hall.  You can just barely see the inside of the gym through the double doors to the left.  

“I don’t think you have ever been in here before.  Have you?”  Shuri asks.

You shake your head.  “I guess some things got in the way.  It looks amazing in here.”  

“Thank you.  It took a lot of planning on my part.  Jabari can be very stingy with help sometimes.”

“Who is Jabari?”  you ask.

Shuri starts to speak but catches herself.  “Come this way.”

Her square block heels clop down the hall as you follow behind.  She takes you to a podium in front of a frosted window.  

“This is something I especially like.  New visitors to the center are shown this during the tour, usually toward the end.  It gives a bit of some background on what brought us here and what our mission is.”

She pushes a black panther head embedded in the stand, which begins to stream a flood of light onto the frosted glass.  A voiceover talks to you about the long reign of Kings and Queens that reside in the independent nation of Wakanda.  Images of the sprawling landscape and the beautiful sunset lure you in.  Images of King T’Chaka come in that show him making a boisterous speech that is translated by a narrator. Stating his desire to close the gap of education, generational wealth and health disparities between whites and minorities across the world.  He says he wishes to make a better world for himself and his son.  As he picks up a toddler, you see a young boy with multiple beaded necklaces around his neck, smiling and clapping as a crowd cheers.

“I wasn’t born yet, so don’t worry, it gets better,”  Shuri whispers to you jokingly.  

Your eyes begin to water and it catches Shuri’s eye.  “Sorry.  He just looks...like himself.”

You feel butterflies, holding your stomach as you reminisce on what was.  The little boy in that film is T’Challa with his father.  And he looks so much like Bean did in your dream, shockingly so.

The voice over goes on to showcase the outside of the community center during its construction.  Some big burly man lug logs of wood, breaking them down to lumber.  

“Those are Jabari,”  Shuri says.  

A shot of T’Challa looking over blueprints and directing construction workers fill your vision.  You focus on him, looking at his hair coils, his black clothing with the pop of embroidery.  The camera zooms in on his long finger pointing to the blueprints and fades back in to show the constructed center.  As the film closes a final shot of T’Challa welcoming you and hoping you stay crumbles you.  This was him before he ever knew you.  He looked so happy and accomplished and looking forward to the future.  Nothing like how you left him.

Shuri touches your arm.  “Is everything alright?”

You shake your head.  “Is there a bathroom close?”

“Two doors down.”

You jog down to find the unisex bathroom, pushing open the door heading straight for the sink.  Your head is pounds as you gasp for breath through your tightening throat.  Each inhale feels more painful than the last as you lean your back against a wall and tears roll down your cheeks.  You heave a big breath and sob out loud, wringing your emotions out like a sponge.  This amounted to too much today.  Tavia’s words ring in your ear as you realize she’s right.

The door opens a crack as Shuri pokes in and sees you weeping.  She doesn’[t say a word as she wraps her arms around you, taking on your pain with all her little frame can handle. You feel like you’ll never stop crying, especially with Shuri there to help you through it.

“Please...I can’t,”  you squeak.

Shuri squeezes you tighter.  “Yes you can.  Just cry, it is fine.”

-

Shuri offers you some tissue to wipe your face and says, “He isn’t here, I’m sorry if you were looking for him.”

Wiping your eyes, you barely look at Shuri out of guilt.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have come.”

“It’s ok.  But he’s been spending more time in Wakanda now, so if he’s here it’s for official business.”

You purse your mouth before saying, “I swear I saw him this week.  Leaving the coffee shop near my job.  But it couldn’t be, I know he would’ve said something to me.  Has he been in town at all?”

Shuri stands quietly, looking past you.

You look at her face suspiciously.  “Has he mentioned me at all?”

Shuri’s shoulders fall as defeat washes over her face.  “I don’t want to be the one to talk to you about him.  He should be doing that.”

“I know!  But...I can’t contact him except through you or by coming here.  I shouldn’t have to hunt him down, why hasn’t he even checked on me?”

Shuri tightens her jaw, refusing to answer.  You get up and walk past her to throw away your tissue.  

“Ok.  Well tell him he needs to take his bank info off of my rent.”

“He won’t do that.”

“So you have talked to him about that?  He said something?”

“He won’t let you be without.  Even if he isn’t talking to you currently.  He may just think you need space but I haven’t got a single idea what is going on besides Wakanda.”

“It’s fine.  I’ll move then.  That will cancel it officially and he won’t have to extend his charity to me anymore.”

“What?  Where are you moving?”  Shuri asks.

“Shuri, you know I can’t tell you.  But I have to leave that place.  Probably this city.  I hate my job and I haven’t been myself since Erik came and fucked things up.  I’m done, there’s nothing for me here.”

Shuri takes our hands in hers, eyes heavy with sympathy.  “I know he wouldn’t want that.”

You shrug.  “I can’t care anymore.  It’s holding me back.  I want to leave all of what happened behind.  But here while I’m here, I have had nothing but constant memories of it.  And Shuri I love you, but your brother is job.”

Shuri nods.  “With no benefits that I can see, if you ask me.  I understand, you deserve more.”

At your office, you draft a resignation letter a couple times before the verbage hits just right for you to print and sign.  Giving it an official trifold, you put it in your desk drawer and feel your excitement in your toes just thinking about a new chapter in your life that could lead to bigger and better things.  Most of your work hours have been filled with researching homes and jobs in other counties or and some neighboring states.  

“Hey hey!  You look a little peppy!  Have you had your coffee on time today?”

Your coworker invites you to join them on a field trip to the shop, talking your ear off about the office gossip, which reminds you not to tell them about you leaving until after you have given your letter to your manager.  When you make your order, they treat you by paying for the two of you and you sit together waiting on your name to be called.

“One order for Kibble, one for Bits!”

“That’s us!  I’ll get it, stay here.”

You look out the window watching the breeze whip the trees loose of their leaves until they come back, setting your drink in front of you.

“Here you go.  My phone is buzzing the hell out my ass.”  As they take their call, they get more irritated with each minute, rolling eyes and mouthing words they choose not to say.

“Sure thing, thanks Karen!  Girl, I apparently have to help fix a fuck up that wasn’t mine AGAIN!  Fuck this job!”

“Right?  Well, hit me up another time.  You still have to tell me about who ate Lawrence’s lunch when he went the fuck off.”

“You right.  It was me, but there’s more to it.  Catch you later!”

You smile after them, taking your cup in your hand to carefully remove the top to release some heat.  Coffee jumps onto your hand, hot and messy.  You shake off the excess liquid and subtly lick your finger, spinning outward to get up and get a napkin.  

“Need this?”

You take it thankfully, looking up at your good samaritan and freezing in place.  He takes a seat in front of you, using another napkin to wipe the table up.

“How are you, umhle?”

Your mind is empty.  Your sight goes black.  You can’t recall what happens, until you hear him holler as your drink is tossed down his lap.

Masterlist

RagTag

@sweetpeachjones​@scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade​@universalbri​@therevolution-willbelive@you-like-this-chain @sarcastic-sunshines​@airis-paris14​@afraiddreamingandloving​@kreolemami​@lalapalooza718​@syreanne​@thiccdaddy-mbaku​@she-is-golden @wakanda-inspired​@90sinspiredgirl​@bidibidibombaclaat​@sithlordslut​@brujademente​@chaneajoyyy​@slimmiyagi @lewatigress​ @shesakillerkween @queentearra @fiercedeception@yaachtynoboat711​ @yofavcocoa @katasstrophey​ @zxddy-panther​@babygirlofwakanda​@destinio1​ @heyauntieeee​ @ambthegamer​ @savageiz​@klaine15689​ @nickidub718​ @dramaqueenamby

[moonshroooms]

Heard just under the din of typical city traffic and the footsteps of the public was the sound of sharp metal stabbing into the grooves of worn-down brick, clumps of stone cracking and falling away as the appendages ripped away from the wall. Zim cursed fervently under his breath, mind barely focusing on the placement of his PAK legs as he scrambled his way up the structure, expertly avoiding stabbing through glass windows from many years of practice.

  The shadow of the building gave way to the blinding orange of sunset as he reached the rooftop. A horrible mixture of relief and fear stabbed through him at spotting the figure at the roof’s edge. It wasn’t the first time the alien had seen this exact image. He’d seen it on a thousand different days on a thousand different rooftops. As horrible as the image was, reaching the top of his frantic climb only to find it empty was always so much worse.

  Frustration boiled its way through the alien’s blood and he clenched his teeth hard enough to hurt his jaw. “For fuck’s sake,” Zim started forward, whispering curses under hushed breath. “Don’t you dare, you Dib-beast, don’t you fucking dare!”

Long-tempered muscles tensed as Dib shifted, fully expecting that resolute step forward, but the ragged human turned around instead. Zim’s narrowed gaze widened in surprise. He hadn’t expected Dib to have heard him arrive. It wasn’t uncommon for the human to be in a numbly drunken stupor by this point, senses as dead to the world as he aimed to do to the rest of him.

  Dib’s lanky body swayed unevenly as he turned around and Zim thought he might just fall back from lack of balance. Amber eyes focused on the small green form, just barely holding back from spilling over, puffy and bloodshot. Was that from drinking, crying, or not sleeping, Zim wondered. Or perhaps some pitiful combination of the three?

  “… You came.”

  At the break of silence Zim’s expression wrinkled, antennae flattening in his confusion. “Huh?”

  Dib swallowed harshly, words bobbing in his throat. “You came. I- you…”

  Zim could only stare dumbly for a moment, the gears in his mind clanking with effort as he processed the half-sentence. “That’s- why on Irk… Of course I did!” Zim snapped. His voice quickly rose as he found his words again. “I’m always saving your sorry human ass from its own stupidity! How many times until you finally get it? The only way you’re allowed to die is by Zim!”

  Zim did his best to recapture his theatrical voice, the bombastic show of threat and villainy. But after the difficulty he had in finding the human tonight, the surety in his voice cracked and wavered. He only hoped Dib was too drunk to notice.

  Dib regarded the alien for a moment, mind slowly filtering each word. The hand at his side clenched and unclenched the empty bottle in his grip. The end of it had been downed long ago, but holding it was a familiar sort of feeling, so he kept it. The wind lightly pushed against his back, the tips of his trench coat flapping against his leg. “Yeah that’s what… yeah. I remember.”

  Dib craned his neck around to stare at the sidewalk far below. Though a few people walked back and forth along the dirty concrete most of the activity going on was going-home traffic. Over-packed streets and angry honking made up most of the background noise. The human’s gaze quickly found that one spot he’d been staring at for the past who-knows how long. The spot he imagined he would land, the boring grays of city life suddenly disturbed and swathed in red. He frowned.

  “No use in trying that with you here,” he said with a resigned sigh, shuffling ungracefully to sit at the roof’s edge. The bottle in his hand falls from his grip, landing against the hard roof with a clatter.

  Zim stayed still for a moment longer before hesitantly creeping forward. “Yes, exactly,” he said carefully. “Zim is not allowing that… stupidness tonight.”

  The human nodded, bringing his chin forward to rest on his knee, a mumbled “yeah,” falling past cracked lips.

  Zim titled his head, brow furrowing in confusion as he came to sit uneasily next to Dib. “You were… expecting Zim?”

  Dib tore his gaze from the quickly purpling sky, sun having long said its goodbye for the day, to glance at the alien. “You… always, always come. It took you longer today. I almost thought-” a swallow “-thought you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t come anymore.”

  Zim’s throat tightened as guilt began to take hold of his limbs and he found his chest uncomfortably tight. “I was trying to!” He quickly yelled. “You didn’t come home, you knocked down my drone, I couldn’t find you anywhere- Didn’t know where you had gone! I forgot my disguise at base, had to walk around in the shadows! You don’t exactly make any of this easy!” The Irken’s voice climbed higher and higher in pitch as he went on, explanations tumbling from his mouth, hoping one of them – any of them – would be enough.

  Dib meanwhile had begun chewing on his lip as Zim’s words fell out, wincing as his canine reopened the split he had at the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, I… well, I don’t,” he agreed, arms moving up to bury his face in. “I… I’m sorry.”

  The excuses and reasons building up in the back of Zim’s mind all collapsed. “You’re sorry?”

  Dib only nodded twice, looking up from the crook of his arm to watch the city’s yellow lights. Zim stared at the human’s expression, wishing there was something that could tell him what was going on in that big, stupid head of his. Preferably something Dib couldn’t find and tear from his skin. The human’s long lock of hair shifting caught Zim’s eye as a breeze rushed past. He wondered how long it would be before Dib came by in some other drunken haze, brandishing scissors and a cut hand, making Zim trim his ponytail cuz he’d somehow managed to fuck it up enough to hurt himself.

  An idea interrupted the alien’s thoughts and he clutched the hem of his uniform, ‘spooch pounding in his chest with a hopeful feeling. He focused on not letting it cloud his brain.

  “Did you know I was coming?” He twisted his face to the human. “Do you know I… do you remember?”

  Dib nodded slowly, thoughtfully. “I remember you always… always come. I don’t remember when I’m sober, but, yeah…”

  “If you wanted to see me you know where I live. You know I’m always home. You go there all the time!”

  Amber eyes flicked to the alien before looking away, down at the city below. Dib’s voice was… small. Shaky. “I wanted… I wanted you to come to me.”

  Compound eyes stared with intensity before Zim scoffed and leaned forward on his thighs. “You wanted to be a pain in my rear again, that’s what you wanted,” he grumbled. His annoyance was short-lived as he caught tears leaking back to Dib’s eyes.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t- I wasn’t trying to be a nuisance to you.”

  Regret instantly stabbed through Zim, palpable and painful, and his eyes widened. “No, nonono- I wasn’t, I didn’t mean to- UGH!” Zim’s claws fluttered around the human, movements stuttering as much as his words, before he threw them in the air and dropped his face in his palms. “Why are you earthlings so difficult,” he muttered for a moment and turned to look at Dib, forehead still held in his hands. “So, you really weren’t trying to be a nuisance tonight? That’s a new one.” He did his best to bring a playful half-grin to his face and hoped it looked convincing enough.

  Dib sighed, tears spilling over his cheeks, leaving behind clean streaks to his grimy skin. “I was just… I don’t know. I don’t know. I feel, just, so. Alone. All the time. Even when I’m surrounded by people. I can’t- I feel like I could never reach anyone.”

  Zim frowned. There were so many ways one could spin this particular tale, but in the end no matter how it was told it was always the same story he’d heard before. “Yes, I know. You save the world every day and nobody cares.” Zim waved his hand as he spoke. “You humans are all horrible, even to each other. Big surprise.”

  Despite his company’s flippant attitude, Dib continued. “But you… You’re always there. You come here to take over the planet – you’re the enemy of humanity – and I keep- keep trying to stop you at every turn yet… you’re the. The only one here. Now. With me.” Dib turned to the alien, eyes still glossy with tears and the haze of his drink. “You wanna kill us all but… you won’t let me die.”

  It was Zim who looked away this time. Pain struck in his gut as his squeedlyspooch clenched and he felt heat rise to his face as he was scrutinized. “I’m not letting you die by yourself,” he muttered. “I’m selfish and you know it. Either I kill you myself or you stay living and that’s that.”

  Dib leaned forward unconsciously, gaze steady and piercing despite his less-than-sober condition. “But you don’t have to. Don’t have to talk to me like you do. Don’t have t- You come here, s-sit beside me. Talk to me and… and tell me I’m worth something.”

  Zim balled his hands into fists, claws scratching against his leggings, fighting the blush lighting up his cheeks. “Of COURSE I have to tell you!” He spat out almost angrily. “Who else is gonna – all those miserable humans you keep trying to protect? The same ones that make your life so fucking unbearable that you want to jump off tall things all the time? Ha!” As he spoke his tone took a bitter edge and frustration grabbed hold of his limbs. Every inch of skin itched and pricked and he couldn’t sit idle for another second. He rose to his feet, arms flailing about in his ranting. “They don’t care. I may be selfish but they are blind. It doesn’t matter how many glorious fights you and I have under the open sky, they never see how hard you try, how marvelous your feats are! That’s not your fault, that’s never been your fault! And it IRKS me that they consider the biggest threat to my global domination to be less than the rats that squirm under the city streets! It’s a travesty! A crime! And it only makes me want to enslave them all even more!”

  Zim’s voice rung out, echoing and bouncing against the concrete buildings before falling under the roar of traffic. His chest heaved, running out of breath in his uproar. He glanced down at Dib, the human’s eyes huge and mouth slightly open in his stunned silence. Zim grumbled, rubbing his palm against his cheek in an attempt to bring down his blush. He sat back down next to Dib, backing facing the open streets. He wasn’t shouting now, voice quiet, but certainly no weaker than before.

  “When I finally take this planet, Dib, I’m making them all build a huge statue of you. I’ll force them to build it from diamond. Or some other stupidly expensive material. And I’ll tell them how you’ve been stopping me for decades and how none of them could halt their meaningless lives for one second to help you. And they will cry sorrowful tears and beg your statue for forgiveness, but it will be too late then. I will have won.” Ruby eyes narrowed, staring up at the night sky. “And they will all be sorry.”

  A silence fell over the two then. A feeling both heavy and light stormed in Dib’s chest, feeling fit to burst within him. He stumbled over himself, trying to get his drink-addled mind to form thoughts, words, anything that could actually convey what he thought. But what would he say anyways? He wasn’t even sure he knew what he felt himself, wasn’t sure it even had a name. All he knew was that it was there and unignorable and he both wanted it gone and wanted to hold it close. A double-edged sword of pain and relief.

  Dib looked down at the streets below and found it a little bit harder to find that spot he’d been staring at before.

  “You,” Dib started, breaking the silence that had fallen between them. “You’ve been trying to take over for so long now. H- How long’sit been? Over ten years?”

  Zim only nodded, antenna pressed flat against his head as he scowled at nothing.

  “Why won’t you… why don’t you kill me when I’m- when I’m like this? Weak. And drunk. I’d- you’d win so easily. You’d have your victory over Earth in no time. Y- Your Talles-”

  “Don’t.” Zim cut in, shuddering as he clenched his eyes shut.

  “-Your Tallest.” Dib repeated, determined to speak his thoughts. “How are they not tired of waiting? I could just… if you just left me- let me go I… you’d win. You’d win and they’d be proud of you.”

  Dib looked down at the city, headlights and store lights and streetlamps all glowing against the darkness, reflecting the lens of his glasses. He found that spot again.

  “All you’d have to do is push me… if you wanted. It’d be your doing. It’d all be you…” Dib jumped as he felt a cold pressure tap his shoulder. He turned to see one of Zim’s PAK legs gripping his shoulder – not sharp enough to hurt, but firm enough that Dib would have to work to shake it off. His brows furrowed as he quirked them at Zim.

  The alien glanced away, not removing the mechanical limb, his voice just barely a whisper. “Just making sure.”

  Zim watched Dib from the corner of his eye, the human only blinking owlishly at him. Then, after tearing his gaze away to look back down the ground, the human reached his far hand up, shaking all the while, and curled his fingers around the limb. Zim was sure he was on fire as Dib tightened his grip and held his hand there. He eyed Dib’s other hand flat against the rooftop without turning his head. The alien’s pinky crept forward, reaching out to touch, falling only just short of connecting their fingers. He both willed up the courage to move closer and squashed it down just as harsh.

  “The… city lights,” Zim said, antenna shivering as a wind blows. He turned as he gestured at the waking nightlife. “They’re kinda pretty at night.”

  “Hm?” Dib frowned, looking up and away from the sidewalk at the landscape further out. “Oh, yeah… I guess.” He leans back against one hand, bringing his eyes up to the sky above them. “I like the stars better, honestly.”

  Zim smiled, a ghost of a chuckle breathing out from him. “I know you do.” He craned his neck back to look at the sky. Dark blue and empty as a sky never should be. The brightest star quickly revealed itself to be a plane soaring against the vacant expanse. “You can’t see many from here. The light and smog from the city dim them too much.”

  Dib’s only response was a small “mm.”

  The alien shuffled slightly, leaning forward against his knees, placing his chin in his hands. “You know that little hill overlooking the city? The one near the forest? You can see the stars so much better from there,” he said a little wistful.

  A nod. “Yeah, I remember.”

  Zim turned to look at the human, pressing. “The grass is nice… soft too. Wanna go… lay there for a while?”

  A sigh, a frown. “Don’t think I can walk all the way there. Sure as hell can’t drive now.”

  Zim rolled his eyes. His human could be so stupid sometimes – most of the time. “Want me to take you there?”

  Dib’s frown turned into a pout, not turning away as his gaze flickered to Zim for a moment. Had he risked speaking the alien might’ve heard the waver in his voice. “Mm-hmm.”

  Zim gave a sigh, standing with a stretch. “Alright, hold on tight,” was the only warning he gave. Metal wires gave a quiet vvp noise as they extended from his PAK, gently wrapping around Dib’s middle. The human only wordlessly gripped onto the appendage as he’s lifted carefully into the air, thumb running across the smooth metal. Zim’s arachnoid legs unfurled from him, lifting the two of them easily as he expertly climbed down the building. In no time at all the two were off, leaving hardly a ghost of their presence on the roof. The only mark of their existence left behind was one lone, empty bottle.

————————————————————

Hello! *chokes and dies from anxiety*

So @reynaruina​ has an absolutely painful fantabulous Invader Zim/ZADR AU that she writes little blurbs for and I was absolutely possessed with the need to write a fleshed-out version of one of them, specifically this one. So! SDFSLKDJFLSDKJ HEre you go!!!

Also!! If YOU enjoy being emotionally stabbed in the chest I highly recommend you go eat ALL of the posts she has on this AU! Go! Shoo!

[the-starless-sky]

cozmez / drama part full translation

As usual: If you want to see the prettier version a.k.a subbed version with proofreads, please head to the Paradox Live discord!

Names: Yatonokami Kanata: K Yatonokami Nayuta: N Suiseki Iori: I Mobs: M

P.S. This translation starts right after the sample (again!), so head there if you haven’t read it yet!

K: If I have to go back to that time, I’d rather…

N: Hm?

K: It’s nothing. I’m fine if I have only you, Nayuta. If you’re here, I can do anything.

N: Me too. This world is shit. There’s nothing good about it at all. Let’s rise up, just the two of us.

K: Yeah.

N: Then? What kinda people show up in that Paradox Live?

K: Huh? Dunno. But whatever kinda people they are, it’d be a cinch for us, right?

N: Well, that’s true. Ah, but, promise me just one thing.

K: What’s up with you, being so formal like that?

N: I want you… to not use your phantometal too much.

K: Huh?

N: Recently, y’know… Don’t you think the time until the trap reaction activate shortened?

K: There’s nothing like that.

N: I heard about it once. If you use it too much, you’ll get swallowed by your phantometal―

K: That has nothing to do with anything!

N: Why are you so angry? I… I don’t want Kanata to get bad… That’s why…

K: Ahh, shut up! I ain’t scared of trap reactions! I ain’t made that weak to die ‘cuz of that!

N: I’m not talking about that―

K: Look, Nayuta! This is our chance to rise up. When the time comes for the fight of our lives, it’s now or never! You understand, don’t you!?

N: …

K: Sigh, who is it…!?

I: Yo! How do you do? It’s me, me!

K: Aah, hello.

I: Come to my place a bit, I’ll be waitin’!

K: Sigh… understood.

N: Who is it?

K: It doesn’t matter who it is. Something came up. I’m gonna go out for a bit.

N: Is your body okay? I’m going too―

K: It’s fine so just stay at home, Nayuta.

N: ...Okay, got it.

***

I: Come in! Sorry for always havin’ ya come.

K: What do you need from me?

I: Haha, don’t be hurryin’ like that! Greedy men don’t get popular, y’know? You’re such a party pooper. Well, here’s what. Actually, that there’s someone who has a dirtmetal with super high concentration of phantometal purity around here... Or so I’ve heard.

K: I’m not that free to look around everywhere with just a rumor to go by.

I: You’re being really aggressive today, aren’tcha? Don’t worry about that, I had Zen figure out a mark for you, to some extent. It’s fine if you just go and face some of them. It’s a huge issue this time. I’ll dish out some of the payment in advance. Please finish it by tomorrow morning.

K: But the sun’s already setting. Are you telling me to work without sleep?

I: Oi. Be careful how you speak. Ain’t it always like this?

K: …

I: So! You’ll probably get busy this month, but―

K: No, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to pass this one.

I: That’s rare. Is that okay?

K: Yes. A bigger chance has come, so. Bye.

I: A big chance, huh? Hmmm…

***

N: Ah. Welcome home.

K: Yeah. I’m home.

N: Are you… okay?

K: Yeah.

N: ...Kanata, it’s better for you to sleep now. You’re tired, right?

K: Huh? Yeah… I’ll do that.

N: Go and sleep first. I’m gonna take a breather outside for a bit.

K: Ah, Nayuta…

N: I know. I’ll be back quickly.

K: …

N: Sigh. There’s no helping it. Fine, I wont go outside. Learn to go to sleep by yourself already.

K: Shaddup…

N: Then, I’m turning off the lamp.

K: Nayuta.

N: Yeah?

K: We’ll start making our song tomorrow. The one for Paradox Live.

N: Got it.

K: That’s all. Good night.

N: Good night.

***

N: Mmm.. what are we gonna do for the hook?[1]

K: Hm… you’re right. Get it a bit more dope…

N: At this rate, it’s gonna take us a day just to finish our track.

K: You’re used to it, aren’t you? We’ve been doing this since we’re small, anyway.

N: You look like you’re having fun, unlike yesterday, Kanata.

K: Only when I’m doing rap. Rap is good. Our background’s became our weapon. We’re gonna kill everyone with this weapon.

N: Yeah. Let’s definitely do that.

K: Aah~ It’s not upper… I want our hook to be like… going ‘dizzy-dizzy’ in low temperature…

N: Kanata’s really good at making songs like that, huh.

K: Well, that’s ‘cause I’m a genius.

N: Don’t get ahead of yourself, idiot.

K: Huh…? Wait, wait! I just got an inspiration! Oh man, seems like we wont get any sleep today.

N: It’s good that you’re enthusiastic, but don’t push yourself too hard, okay? We’re gonna have battle with all teams in the competition, right? We’ll have to make a lot of songs, right?

K: I’ll make however many songs we need.

N: I’ll tell you this: not just any song works, okay?

K: Of course. They told us to make songs based on the theme of each battle, right? It’s a pain in the ass, though. Well, it doesn’t matter what the rules are: we’re still going to win.

N: That’s right. As expected, we have to go hard from the get go for things like this.

K: We’ll show them the absolute different in true strength and shut those people up. We’ll blow ‘em hard with our insane lyrics and music. The other guys’ll just half-assedly put together lip service to make their lyrics, anyhow. Something like that ain’t hip hop.

N: Yeah. Let’s show those asshole wacks living an easy life what the real thing is like. The winner will be us.

***

K: Is that Club Paradox?

N: Waah… there’s so much people.

K: Annoyin’… are these guys that free?

N:Ain’t it interesting if we just swindle all of ‘em?

K: That true.

N: Oh well, the ten billion’s ours anyways so who cares about the details.

K: Haha, you’re right.

N: Ah, but y’know…

K: Hm?

N: These clothes, they’re nice, right?

K: Well, guess they are. As I thought, it’s a good thing to let Nayuta choose our clothes.

N: The people are increasing…

K: What a pain. Let’s just quickly get inside the venue.

M1: Oi! Look at them! Aren’t they cozmez?

M2: The real deal!? It’s the first time I saw them! Dang…! Ah… I wonder if they’d give me a handshake…

M1: You idiot, don’t even try! By the way, the little brother Nayuta in flesh has a dangerous feel, huh!? Ah, our eyes met…!

K: Oi, it’s you, right, shitty glasses?

M1: Eh!?

K: You said something just now, didn’t ya?

K: Stop whisperin’ and say it clearly, wontcha?

M1: Eh… no, I…

K: What’s that about Nayuta, huh!?

N: Leave it, Kanata!

M1: N-no… it’s nothing…

K: Tch.

N: Don’t pick a fight with the guests, Kanata.

K: Sigh. Yea.

N: Sigh… even so, people are talking as they please, huh, about us.

K: Our surroundings has nothing to do with us. We’ve never had any ally up until now, anyways.

N: Haha, that’s true.

K: Nayuta.

N: Hm?

K: I’m gonna rise up. But I can’t do it alone. It’s meaningless if you’re not here.

N: It’s the same for me, Kanata. Let’s get out of this shitty world. The two of us, together. If it’s for that goal… I’ll give it my everything.

Notes

[1] In hip hop, hook is the reff/high point of rap. It’s the most distinguishing phrase in the song – it could be talking about the lyric and/or the composition.

[migleefulmoments]

“she had to know she was making a sacrifice and all that comes with it. Not the same as a rape victim. gross comparison” I’m the one who initially made this analogy and it’s not what I meant AT ALL. I don’t mean the emotional pain is similar, some online bullying vs. sexual assault aren’t even on the same wavelength. I mean THEIR comments are similar. They blame her the same way people tell women they deserved unwanted attention because of what they were doing/wearing. Way to twist my words.

Like I can’t tell if they genuinely believe all of that or if they’re just that oblivious and/or dense. I was comparing them to victim blamers. That’s what they do.

**********************************

Your point was clear-Nonnie was either obtuse or purposefully trolling to stir things up. I will add that most of their followers are teens. The point might have been lost on them. 

Let’s start by with your original ask and my response:  

Anonymous Asked: “M put herself in the spotlight “dating” D. If she didn’t want that attention, she would have stayed in the background” this has the same energy as “you chose to wear that, you deserved to be catcalled”. Mia STAYS in the background for the most part. Posing on a red carpet gives us no insight into who she is. They literally seek her out on her friends socials. And they met well before his career took off so no, she probably didn’t expect it to turn into this

Me: Their attitude- that Mia deserves to be attacked and criticized because she fell in love with a man who then became famous and whom they have a crush on makes my skin crawl. It is like the “wear a short skirt and you deserve being raped”. It’s also how they justify their abysmal behavior. They went on to argue that Mia deserves criticism but Abby isn’t dating a famous man so she didn’t deserve the “awful attack”.  They like to bring up the Fame is Other People (X) interview Mia gave in 2016 where she says she never imagined herself with someone famous. They still ridicule her for not leaving Darren the minute he started getting famous.  It’s so fucked up.  

Now their conversation today

Anonymous asked: They're comparing people saying M chose to forgo privacy when she "fell in love" with D to people getting accused of deserving rape for wearing short skirts. Uhhh...NOT THE SAME THING but ok. I personally don't condone hating on anyone (I never publicly disparage M for example, despite my private thoughts) but by tying her life to a public figure, whether for love or not, she had to know she was making a sacrifice and all that comes with it. Not the same as a rape victim. Gross comparison.

cassie1022 answered: Nonnie, I’m not even surprised they went there. They’re vile, just like their kween. I don’t hide my feelings about M and I’m not going to, she absolutely knew what she was getting when she signed on to be D’s beard. She WANTS the attention, and as she’s a narcissist, she doesn’t care if it’s positive or negative attention.

Personally, I’ve decided I don’t care enough to look at their blogs anymore and when I get their mean as hell Anons, I’m blocking. They claim we’re obsessed with their blogs when they literally dissect every post we make. Someone’s obsessed. It’s not us.

notes-from-nowhere answered: Hold on. Why are we talking about M as if the notoriety had fallen on her head all of a sudden? It’s not because of D if she is known by others besides her parents. It’s because she pushes herself in front of him every chance she gets. She take away from him every merit often by making things looks like they come from her brain (Hedwig first for example) and she jumps on the red carpets even before he does. She shares her whole life through social media. D’s accounts, her friends’s accounts, enablers’s accounts. Her fake accounts. She tags in her posts every celebrity that crosses her path. Her only job in life seems to be open (and never close) social media accounts.

What are these people even talking about? Now we reached the point of denying even what she does so she can fits better their theories?

This is hilarious. I swear.

leka-1998 answered: Poor girl, forced to do all this.

I don’t even want to waste time thinking about how ridiculous it is that this behavior isn’t surprising.

flowersintheattic254 answered: I’m appalled at the comparison. God her fans are hypocrites. She wants notoriety via any means fair or foul and then screams victim if it’s questioned.

It’s the same argument that she is above criticism because she’s woman and therefore isn’t accountable for her actions.

Let’s remember V day. Nobody told her to get high with B in the PR house and post those pics. You reap what you sow. People smell fakeness and she reaks of it.

***************************

One thing I learned very quickly when answering anons is that due diligence pays off. Responding to an anon’s summary of what someone else said can backfire if they misrepresent what was said. If the anon reports something untoward was said- whether by design or by mistake- and I spent 2 paragraphs berating that statement that was never said then I am the fool. Taking 5 minutes to read the post myself has paid off many times and every time I have taken something I know nothing about at face value- it’s bitten me in the ass. Had any of the ccers bothered to actually read the post they would have realized that Nonnie misrepresented the point. They still would have written something angry and pretended to be so “shocked” by how “vile” we are but at least they would have had a shot at not being the fool.  

--------------------- My comments in Italics; they are in regular font 

Cassie:  

Nonnie, I’m not even surprised they went there. They’re vile, just like their kween. Nobody has ever said anything on my blog that could be construed as Mia is our kween. I don’t really understand the value of bringing up things nobody said as part of one’s argument. It’s proof of how desperate they are to be right and how easily they bend the truth to fit their needs. They wouldn’t know how to be authentic and honest if their lives depended on it.  

I don’t hide my feelings about M and I’m not going to, she absolutely knew what she was getting when she signed on to be D’s beard. She WANTS the attention, and as she’s a narcissist, she doesn’t care if it’s positive or negative attention. It’s hilarious that Nonnie claimed she doesn’t disparage Mia publically as part of their argument as to why they are better than us but Cassie being the charmer that she is, responds with “I don’t hide my feelings about M and I’m not going to”.  I could argue that Cassie knew what she signed on for when she started her crisscolfer blog-she even shares her cc beliefs on her Twitter!  

She WANTS the attention, and as she’s a narcissist, she doesn’t care if it’s positive or negative attention I find it so odd that Cassie is diagnosing Mia with mental illness yet just yesterday she was raging that Metaloma and I diagnose Abby. Hypocrite much? It is mind-boggling that she believes Mia is a narcissist but can’t see that Abby actually is. I bet the Abby-less Crisscolfer fandom will find Mia isn’t nearly as narcissistic and evil without Abby to write the storyline and talk about her nonstop. 

Personally, I’ve decided I don’t care enough to look at their blogs anymore and when I get their mean as hell Anons, I’m blocking. They claim we’re obsessed with their blogs when they literally dissect every post we make. Someone’s obsessed. It’s not us. Not reading my blog was a critical mistake because she would have realized that Nonnie was misconstruing the comment. Did someone claim they are obsessed with our blogs- I certainly didn’t- or is this another one of those claims that never happened?   

---------------------

Notes:

Hold on. Why are we talking about M as if the notoriety had fallen on her head all of a sudden? Nobody is talking as if notoriety had fallen on her head all of the sudden. Notes would have really benefited from reading the original post because neither Notes or I have a clue what post she is responding to.  

It’s not because of D if she is known by others besides her parents. It’s because she pushes herself in front of him every chance she gets. She take away from him every merit often by making things looks like they come from her brain (Hedwig first for example) and she jumps on the red carpets even before he does. I love the trope that she jumps in front of him on every red carpet because it proves how willing they are to outright lie to get their message across. She literally stands with Darren in front of the photographers for a couple of seconds at the end of Darren’s allowed period. Darren poses for dozens of photos and we see 2 or 3 pics of Mia and Darren-that is hardly jumping on the carpet before he does. As for taking away every merit- omg give it up. This is one of the dumbest tropes the fandom hangs on to. Mia WAS Hedwig before Darren was -the Halloween picture is around somewhere. Mia didn’t make the statement her friend did. We know the ccers don’t understand friendships but when they get pissed about the Hedwig comment they should refer to this post (X) where they declared “Just like I 100% stand with @ajw720,” and “I support @ajw720, I don’t believe Mi@rren is real and you cannot silence us!!!!”. Friends say things about other friends to connect with that person and show support. They weren’t trying to diss Darren. They never intended rabid Darren fans to even SEE the post-it was intended for their friends and nobody else.   

She shares her whole life through social media. THIS IS my FAVORITE comment of all. WTF? Where does Mia share her whole life through social media? Cuz I’d love to see it! The fact is, you are lying...you’re just outright lying. Mia shares nothing via social media. She stopped her Twitter when she quit playing music and she has a private IG account.  

D’s accounts, her friends’s accounts, enablers’s accounts. Her fake accounts. She tags in her posts every celebrity that crosses her path. Her only job in life seems to be open (and never close) social media accounts. Darren’s accounts? If Mia had control of Darren’s accounts, Mia would be plastered all over it but in reality, neither Darren nor Mia is active on public social media and they certainly aren’t sharing their lives. Nobody uses their friends’ accounts to plaster themselves. God, this trope is so stupid. Enabler’s accounts? Who the hell are her enablers? Where are these enabler posts just full of Mia’s every move? Her “fake accounts” is the best one though. Here we have some random person trolling the cc fandom and they Eat. It. Up. FetusMiarren hasn’t posted since August 11. Who the hell closes social media accounts? The reality is that Abby spent all day every day talking about MIa. The only person promoting Mia full time was Abby. The reason Notes believes that all these accounts are Mia sharing her whole life is because Abby stalked those accounts and then talked about each post for days. 

What are these people even talking about? Now we reached the point of denying even what she does so she can fits better their theories? I ask you the same question “What the hell are you talking about?” If you had actually taken the time to read the original post instead of working yourself up to a red-faced, foot-stomping rant, you would know what I was talking about and avoided this ridiculous, off-topic rant-fest. 

This is hilarious. I swear. Back at ya! 

--------------------- 

Flowers: 

I really love Flower’s response:  I’m appalled at the comparison. God her fans are hypocrites-I’m not sure how we are hypocrites because of a valid comparison.  

She wants notoriety via any means fair or foul and then screams victim if it’s questioned. Mia didn’t make the comparison- I did. Mia doesn’t know me, she didn’t dictate I made the comparison by “any means foul or fair”  

It’s the same argument that she is above criticism because she’s woman and therefore isn’t accountable for her actions. Wait...who in the hell made the argument that she isn’t responsible for her actions because she’s a woman? I’ve seen a lot of fake arguments like this in the last 3 days. Again, I don’t really understand the value of bringing up things nobody ever said as part of one’s argument. It certainly doesn’t lend credibility. 

Let’s remember V day. Nobody told her to get high with B in the PR house and post those pics. You reap what you sow. People smell fakeness and she reaks of it. Aaaaannnndddd she wraps up her comment with one of the fandom’s favorite gaslight moments- Valentine’s day with Ben.  

[kynthosmojo]

Venting

HERE BE SPOILERS!! SPN S15 E2 - Raising Hell

(gif by @sasquatchandleatherjacket​, thank God for you. If you want me to remove this I will, but I honestly felt the way Sam looks right now)

Ep 2 - 

Additional chess pieces: Rowena, Ketch, Kevin, Chuck, Amara

New enemies: Jack the Ripper, New faceless female demon?!

Mysteriously missing out on the fun: Woman in White, Bloody Mary, Gacy Clown

Short Version: Leader Sam is not acting normal; Jack the Ripper was annoyingly cool; Civilians are infinitely stupid. Someone tells you it is dangerous to go somewhere and you go? You could ask the people keeping you safe to go get the shit you need for emergencies, but no. Useless Angel is again useless and getting more useless, also arguing with the heroes with no solution for his damn self.

---

So yeah, the first thing we get is a surprisingly creepy start, middle of the night, human disregarding the rules, get killed by what looks like a person she knows. Oh but wait, he was possessed. Very interesting ghost, psychotic, scary actually.

Angel being useless arguing with Sam instead of making himself useful. He is stronger than the humans, so shouldn't he be on patrol?? Even shouldn't he go looking for the missing ppl?

Oh Sam, How I wish you would have just snapped a little bit harder. Why not "When we say do not go in, you do not go in! Now someone's missing, isn't that a clue? Thank you for making our jobs that much harder! Now, if you need emergency items, we have ppl to help with that who know what they are doing. Stop trying to end up dead, and do as I say!"

Oh, the new HGIC is Jack The Ripper? Oh shit.

Oh great, stupid people not listening, yet again!

Oh so JTR has trouble getting attention too. Anyway, this mofo seems to be no joke.

Civilians stand there and breathe after you heard gunshots and growling, and see dead ppl, no don't run. Yah great.

Cass, argumentative as usual. What exactly do you expect Sam and his hunters to do since they are already busy? YOU go look for stupid humans who don't listen, just like yourself.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to play: Bobbing for guest stars! Rowena sweeps in and flirts with Cass. Ugh, why?

OK, SO 12:30 SECONDS INTO THE WHOLE 45 MIN SHOW AND WE FINALLY SEE SAM AND DEAN ON THE SAME SCREEN! Yah great.

Shoot them, my guys, I am pretty sure it will hurt less than what I am afraid will happen! YEP I. WAS. RIGHT!!!!!

And the brothers' scene together is over at 13:36 for commercial but resumes at 16:30 and goes through 19:00… so far. Total of about 5mins, 30secs. Anxiously waiting for more…

Guest Star # 2! Ketch is in the line-up!

OH! And a gun that shoots Iron Flakes. (in Bobby's voice)Used to be when you needed to get a ghost outta ya, you'd take a hit of rock salt. It would hurt like a bitch, but you'd live. And these two maybe wouldn't have gotten their guts ripped up waiting on Ketch's appearance with his new convenient toy!!!

Meanwhile, what a convenient way to bring up a new demon. Female named Ardat. GREAT…

Chuck and Sissy sitting in a tree, A-R-G-U-I-N-G. Why do they sound like an old married couple already? Oh yeah, because apparently, it is better to be hetero and incestuous than… NVM won't go there.

ANYWAY… 6th grader 'does so and so like me' bullshit from Rowena, I can only guess that is coming up on Ketch's side. Poor Dean. Then USELESS wants to try to start a convo Dean definitely doesn't wanna hear. And why is he trying to preach that all of this is supposed to happen like this anyway! That's life let's just move on?! Are you fucking serious?! Oh and that supposed inspirational, but actually desperate grab "We are" was so damn stupid. Like I keep saying, USELESS.

Oh and their screen time in case no one cares: 20:50 through 23:15. Total less than 2mins, 25 secs. And it was a painfully dry conversation I could well have done without.

Was so very right about the 6th grader bullshit! Oh great, instead of Salt hula hoops and gun bungees, we get loose ass chain links of iron around the neck that can fall off at any time! Tell me Mr. BMOL, how come you don’t have a convenient better-thing-than-an-iron-chain-link-necklace!!!!

Hello, 'nother guest star. It's Kevin Tran, everyone! Thanks for conveniently saving the moment again. And after the demon kid tells you multiple times that the wards are temporary, KEVIN tells you once that it is weakening and yay! It hits home. Don't get mad at the demon for not listening.

Chuck and Sissy sitting in a tree, A-R-G-U-I-N-G. Again. Little retreat? Priceless relationship? He wants to deepen what they have? Start a new species?! GURRL JUST SAY NO! Ohh but she figured him out, so now the trouble starts. He's low on power, he needs her help, he's scared.

Brother time! 34:10 through… hold on while I catch this, why is it always Sam to give away a secret? And why is Belphegor being a snoopy little sneak? Oh and suddenly he makes more sense than experience?! They cannot get Kevin to heaven cuz Chuck isn't their friend anymore? I am sure spells still work... 35:30…

OOH! Break for shoulder issue… and back to bros at 35:38-ish and back and forth for a few secs again because Chuck is freaking out. It is like the deity has never felt pain before. But that would mean he forgot when Amara punched him in his figurative balls last time huh? You 'member, when he almost DIED?

So Dean is worried again, but Sam refuses to even acknowledge it (kinda badass, kinda stubbornly stupid). OK, Bros done at about 35:58. Another generous minute and some. Geez.

Whoops, Kevin forgot that he could leave the way he came in. That was a mistake.

Oh, macgruder here we go with the only female on the team must help the men repopulate the earth or at the very least be raring to go because what? She's a newly free feminist with all the power over her cooch so the first thing she does is wanna give it up? Ketchwena? AWKWARD. Yah great.

Rowena had to take the long way thru the badlands to get the new weapon, also temporary, to the boys. It isn't tested, so instead of testing it out on the fucking ghost who would definitely deserve it who caught up to you before your destination, let's allow Ketch to play jealous new suitor and knight in shining armor! Oh and then he gets put in a vulnerable position! Yah great.

Segway back to… Why is it that because Rowena is the only female POA (piece of ass) on the team, she has to flirt with Cass, then Ketch, AND she has a history with Jack the Ripper? And yet, she treats Sam like he's a naughty kid she's babysitting, but ppl want to ship them two like the fucking Titanic!

Oh right back to Winchesters. Actually, the whole team is here now. Yah great.

ANYWAY… How TF and when did JTR get in Ketch between his stand-off with the Winchesters, trying to consume Kevin and the new untested weapon finally being TESTED! Only to find out it ain't as badass as the first one!!!!! Convenient. Yah great.

Don't think I forgot… The fucking force field spell thing is a one-off?! BOO newbie! So now it has a weak spot and everyone conveniently knows where it is.

So, did anyone else see the Ketch thing coming? Why TF did he need to have Rowena's back from so close? Yeah, I saw that flinch JTR! Why oh why did Dean shoot his load into the hundreds of ghosts when he had limited ammo and was apparently the ONLY one allowed to sneak in ammo?! Again, USELESS is in the background, useless. He can see a demon's true face, but can't tell when someone is possessed by a ghost?

So what if Dean wouldn't hesitate to shoot Ketch, couldn't one person, or useless fucking Angel bring the Iron Frosted Flake Gun? Oh but the Angel can heal, right? No?! Seriously WTF!!!! DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR HIM ANYMORE SAM!

LITERALLY ALL OF THIS SHIT COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED!!!! I agree with conflict for building, enhancing, and developing the plot, but fucking really?!

EWWW Ketchwena again?! OK, but also, Ketch flirted with Dean more than the useless Angel supposedly did.

And WTF is this?! NOW we are gonna listen to a demon when he says Kevin cannot be returned to heaven? Before, no one could be bothered to trust Belphegor's uncanny wisdom. ARE THEY FUCKING FORGETTING THAT THE SAME SPELL THAT SENT BOBBY UP FROM HELL SHOULD WORK ON KEVIN? AND ISN’T IT MORE WORTH IT TO TRY THAN NOT?!!!!!!

Oh, but then let's let Kevin out a little hole in the electric fence and have it take long enough that no other ghosts happen to sneak thru. Oh, they are that scared of Belphegor? Really? So he should have been the one on patrol AT ALL TIMES!!!!

Chuck and Sissy sitting in a tree, A-R-G-U-I-N-G. Yet again! Geez, dude get a clue!

BECAUSE LOOK NOW! THERE ARE TONS OF GHOSTS STILL COMING FROM 'SOMEWHERE'! SHOULDN'T WE BE TRYING TO GET TO THAT SPOT AND SHUT THAT SPOT DOWN? MAYBE? AS A START?

WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW? I'VE ONLY BEEN WATCHING A SHOW THAT SHUTS DOWN HELLMOUTHS AS A HOBBY FOR FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS!