#cuz im just sat here reading all this dumb shit

[i-read-too-much-fanfic]

the problem with reading crack fics is that you'll stumble across one that is written so beautifully it changes your soul

and then you can't find anything like it because all the other fics for those characters are 200 words of dick jokes with purposefully bad grammar that spits in your face for ever considering to take it seriously

[cluelylikesporn]

okay exam update cuz im actually really pissed off.

so im autistic + adhd, and only been diagnosed relatively recently, so i havent really been getting assistance until now. (autism diagnosis last year, adhd 2 years ago.)

my last exam was (still is) this period, and im going home once i finish it. one of my other exams i was sent to special ed (it’s called different things in australia and other schools but i dont wanna get doxxed) and the chick helping me (we’ll call her charlie) told me she couldnt even read the questions out to me… like i legit get more help in my normal exam conditions.

she told me WHILE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK “i think i know why your so upset, because you know you dont listen in class and just sleep and draw on your hand.” cunt, what..?

HOW ARE YOU WORKING WITH NEURODIVERGENT KIDS..?

i literally have spent my whole life wondering why i cant listen in class and hearing “just reread it.” or “your not listening hard enough.” is so fucking tiring. maybe explain it? she refused to help me because i “wasnt approved” to have a helper

the school knows im autistic so why do i have to be approved to get the help i need? like you dont have to make up all these forms and files. you have teachers who can help me literally in the building who could help me but you refuse.

okok i got rlly off topic but tldr on what happened today:

my teacher sent me to the special ed area to do my exam (last time he did they told me to go back) also shout out to my english teacher hes a legend. he gave me my sheet, i took a ritalin, said bye to the people i liked and left. (i used to take ritalin daily but now i jst take it to focus better in exams and shit)

i went to se and saw a couple kids i knew. one i hated and didnt know why he was there, one who has some mental problems so i understood why he was there. hes a sweetie. and some chick i knew who broke her wrist and had to write on a laptop.

so one by one they were assigned a teacher who would sit with them and help them/ read out questions and then the lady said “oh chloe your not supposed to be here, you have to go back to class.”

are you fucking kidding me.

i completely understand its not her or my teachers fault im not meant to be there, but im allowed to be a little frustrated. i asked why i kept getting sent here and why i couldn’t get help.

same shit about documents and boring stuff.

keep in mind i get ndis funding so i thought that would impact my education experience but nope, literally nothing. i also understand there could be things my mum hasnt done and that’s completely ok she has her own life, but also THE SCHOOL KNOWS IM AUTISTIC. that should be enough. its like i only get the help if i start ditching class and become an eshay or some shit like i shouldnt have to become a troubled kid to get help.

so the lady said my only benefit i even got from the school is like 5 minutes extra time. and she told me i could either go back to class or do my exam here( which means i could get no help/ questions read to me.)

ngl this was dumb of me but i said ok bc i didnt want to go back to class after saying bye to everyone😭

so i sat there with one airpod in, a pen that didnt fucking work, the only help i could get was eavesdropping on what the assistant teachers were saying but they were so quiet. i did manage to write some stuff but it was pretty fucking stressful. i couldnt stop thinking about what charlie said (the lady helping me with my maths the week before.)

this may sound super dumb but i saw a crow fly onto a table outside and i felt like it was watching over me. like it was looking right at me. it made me feel a bit better and i got some work done.

it wouldve been fine if those fucking assistant teachers didnt keep giving me pitiful looks like bro. i know im fucked.

anyway i finished my exam (barely) and went to the bathroom to tell my friend ab what happened, caught a bus home and am about to play dbd 😾

sorry for the long post im jst so pissed😭 but ily guys and ill post i swear🙏

song of the day:

[mizunetzu]

I just skipped school and binge read all of your fanfics- They’re really good gRRRRrrr 🥺🥺 Keep up the good work!! That being said- Can I request a fluffy Hawks x male reader where the reader has a cold and is stuck in bed and Hawks takes care of him? Thank you vv much!!!

HAHHAHA WHY IS ALL MY HAWKS REQUESTS ALWAYS FLUFF (I mean ur like my second one but it’s still flufF) (and not that this wasn’t fun to write cuz it was HAAHA I’m lowkey proud)

(Also gRRRRur so nice but GO TO SCHOOL >:( BARK BARKK BAEKR)

——————

Hawks x reader - The Sick Fic

⚠️warnings - it’s as the title says. It’s the sick fic.

Pronouns - male, he/him

——————

(Y/n) coughed up sticky red blood.

“Y-yeah, no. I don’t think I can patrol today, Yusha-san. The villain from yesterday activated their quirk on me-and I’m feeling a bit sick.”

Yusha, the secretary to the (L/n) hero agency, typed something down on his computer. “Is it something we should be concerned about?”

“No.” (Y/n) croaked out with a chuckle. “Their quirk isn’t really dangerous, but it did make me a bit sick. It’ll pass, don’t worry.”

“Ok. I’ll send in one of your sidekicks to patrol with Hawks-san today.” More typing from across the phone. (Y/n) pursed his lips.

“U-uh,”

“Don’t worry. I’m sending a male sidekick.” Yusha practically read his mind. (Y/n) didn’t want any stupid girls hitting on his stupid, popular, pro-hero patrol buddy boyfriend.

“Thank you, Yusha-san.”

“It’s nothing. Get some rest, (H/n). We expect you to show up tomorrow.” Yusha ended up before (Y/n) could even say goodbye. He lazily dropped his phone onto his bedside table, burying himself under his bedsheets as best as he could. Just as he was getting comfy, the urge to cough up more blood kicked him in the stomach.

He flung himself over his bed, practically shoving his head into the small waste bin under his bedside table. He wiped his mouth with his forearm after hacking up more blood, his head suddenly feeling hazy and jumbled.

He groaned, and got under the bedsheets once more. The world seemed to be against him today, as another distraction forced him out from his beauty sleep.

His phone buzzed once. Twice. Then the annoying, overlapping ring of multiple messages being spammed buzzed out his phone, making (Y/n) cover his ears with his pillow.

Annoyed, he patted around the side table til’ his hand landed on his phone, pulling it towards him and under the sheets.

‘Keigo 🍗 - where r u :(‘

‘Keigo 🍗 - who’s this...rando dude patrolling wit me :(((‘

‘Keigo 🍗 - r u asleep or smth’

‘Keigo 🍗 - wake up ur late to patrol and I need my yakitori addiction funded today’

‘Keigo 🍗 - DUDE’

‘Keigo 🍗 - BBBBBBBBBB’

‘Keigo 🍗 - IM NOT GONNA STOP SPAMMING U TILL U ANSWER ME OR SHOW UP AN PATROL WITH ME >:(((‘

(Y/n) sighed. He opened the messages, meaning that Keigo would get the ‘message read’ notification, but he couldn’t care less. Tossing the phone lazily on the table, he muted the messages app.

———

(Y/n) stirred in his sleep when he heard tapping on his bedroom window. (Y/n) opened his sticky eyes, barely open enough to see a blurry red object tapping against the glass frame. Eventually, the object halted, gave up, and swooped down and out of sight. He shrugged.

Just as he closed his eyes, more pelting came from the window, this time louder and heavier. (Y/n) snapped his eyes open, flinging himself out of bed, and getting ready to activate his quirk.

He visibly relaxed when he saw the huge red wings tapping outside the window, with a certain hero crouching down, looking at him sheepishly and trying to pick open the window lock. The man waved with an embarrassed smile, his feathers following suit.

“Keigo Takami. What the fuck are you doing in my house.”

The man, Keigo Takami, chuckled awkwardly while (y/n) undid the clasps on his window. He stepped back, allowing him to worm his way in through the small window.

Keigo paused, half way squeezed in with his wings stuck in the cramped window frame. He was stuck. “Y...you need to buy a bigger window-“

“Are you dumb?” (Y/n) chuckled, the sight of Pro Hero Hawks, man who could pull absolute pussy, bent over his bedroom window, stuck with his wings awkwardly fluttering in place. “Just, I don’t know, send your feathers off until they’re small enough to fit you in.”

Keigo had a wave of realization. This man had no braincells whatsoever. “...oh, haha, you’re so smart~”

One by one, feathers jutted out from his back, each floating either inside (Y/n’s) room or outside the window. Once all of them were off, and his back were relatively empty, he tumbled ever-so-gracefully inside the room. He stood up, his wings rebuilding themselves in seconds, and did an awful curtsy.

“Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all day to take care of my sick patrol partner who do happens to be my boyfriend,”

“Speaking of patrol -what happened to patrol? A-and the dude you should be patrolling with? You should be out by n-“

A sharp, piercing pain shot through (Y/n’s) head. Now that the adrenaline from Hawks pounding on his window was subsiding, he seemed to remember how much his head was hurting.

He fumbled down, catching himself on the foot of his bed while Keigo lurched forward. “You good?” He mumbled, taking off his black wool glove.

He rested the back of his palm on (Y/n’s) forehead, before signing uncontently and replacing his hand with his lips. Even if he was burning up, (Y/n) froze.

After a while, Keigo drew his head back. “You’re burning up...”

Silence. Hawks awkwardly chuckled and played it off by running his hand through his hair.

“Lips are more sensitive than hands are-so I was just...you need to get to bed!” Keigo quickly stood up, gently ushering the sick hero to his bed. Pulling up the thick-set covers, Keigo hazily tosses his jacket to the corner and discarded his other glove.

“Try and get some rest. Did that dude’s quirk from yesterday do this?” He got a nod in response. “Alright. I’m gonna go change and get you some shit.”

With that and a warm smile, Keigo disappeared through the bedroom door. (Y/n) followed him with his eyes, right before he was out of sight, then let his eyes droop close.

———

“Pssst.”

A finger poked at (Y/n’s) cheek. He grumbled, furrowing his brows and keeping his eyes screwed shut. He heard a sigh from somewhere above him.

Something feathery tickled him from underneath his nose. He scrunched his nose up, expecting the odd feeling to go away, before feeling a sneeze build up. The watery feeling course through his nose before his head shot up every-so-slightly to let out a weak “Achoo!”

Keigo snickered. (Y/n) finally opened his eyes. Keigo was sitting beside him, now in casual clothes, holding a convince store bag and a red feather. The feather flew out of his hand and stuck itself on his back.

“Sorry I was out for so long. You didn’t have jack shit in your house, so I bought some medicine and takeout since I know you won’t eat soup and I can’t cook.”

It was true. The only thing Pro Hero Hawks is allowed to do is heat up a hotdog, and even then he might break the microwave. And (Y/n) won’t eat soup he made if his life depended on it. If he can’t even turn on the stove, what makes you think that he’d drink a whole bowl of soup made by him and not die?

“Whad’ja get?” (Y/n’s) voice came out more gravely and deep than he expected. Under different circumstances, that would’ve been kinda hot. Keigo pulled out things one by one from the bag.

“Ok so, I got painkillers, a cooling pack, a heating pad just in case your stomach starts hurting, a thermometer, and I found these cool matching red bird keychains and I bought them on impulse. One for you and one for me~ I also bought 2 beef bowls”

Keigo layed all the items down either on the bed or on the table beside it, holding up the keychains last. Shaking them around a bit, turns out there was a small bell inside both of them. (Y/n) tried, and failed, to hide his growing smile.

Keigo placed the cooling pack on (Y/n’s) previously burning forehead. The sudden coldness forced an involuntary groan from the bed sick male. He chuckled.

“Sorry. Deal with that for awhile and I’ll feed you~” Hawks saddled up in the spot next to him, holding the two plastic bowls and worming his way underneath the covers. He placed the food down on his lap and switched on the tv.

They sat in silence, the only thing being the sounds of the tv filling the room with the occasional reaction or snicker from the two. Keigo alternated between shoveling a forkful of rice and beef into his mouth, then feeding his boyfriend and carefully making sure none spilled onto his bed. The news reporter droned on onscreen, their voice being tuned out by the two hero’s.

“By the way, Keigo,” (Y/n) started, once he swallowed his food. Keigo gave a hum of acknowledgment, holding up a finger to (y/n), then to his mouth until he finished chewing. Thickly swallowing, Keigo hummed again.

“You were supposed to patrol today. With one of my sidekicks. What happened to that?”

Keigo looked at (Y/n), before looking back at the tv so causally. For a while he said nothing, until he opened his mouth.

“I ditched.”

(Y/n) made a sputtering noise. His shock turned into a long string of hacks and coughs, which Keigo waited ever-so-patiently for him to calm down from. “You ditched?! Keigo, you’re the no. 2 hero! You can’t be caught ditching!”

“Relaaaaax,” Keigo leaned farther into the bed cushions. “I told my agency and your stupid sidekick man that I was gonna check on you. It was a valid excuse.”

“Still!” (Y/n) rubbed at his temples. Hawks shoveled another forkful of food into his mouth. “You’re sitting here watching tv with me instead of working!”

“I needed a break. Plus,” Keigo held up his unfinished bowl of food defensively.

“I can’t believe you.”

“I love you too~”

(Y/n) sighed.

“I hope you get sick.” Hawks chuckled, saying something about being immune to all sicknesses.

Needless to say, (y/n) was patrolling with one of Keigos sidekicks the next day.

——————

[dayasbun]

Fame - Angus Cloud (5)

Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.

Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5 {reading now}

-

You woke up to an empty bed and cold covers. With a sigh you sat up, wondering where Storm and Z had gone. Grabbing your phone, you shook your head as you read the messages on your home screen.

Babygirl Z <3: Yoooo so we dipped cuz Angus's weird-ass kinda threatened us to gtfo out cuz he wanted to spend time w you but don't tell him I told you that, I don't wanna deal w him

Lil storm!: i think the hood boy in love with you or sum- it's weird.

Angus ☁️: you free today? i got some plans for us so if you ain't you free now

Angus ☁️: i'm playin btw like if you ain't free i can change shit around

You giggled as you heard your nails click against the phone's screen as you sent responses.

-mhm i'll act like i never saw this...have a good day of filming gorgeous <3

-see storm, i highly disagree

-i'm free :) is this a date mr cloud? don’t forget we have filming today

You got up brushing your teeth and washing your face. You waited for Angus's response before picking an outfit for the day, and instead decided on making breakfast for now.

Babygirl Z <3: thanks lovely same to you!!!

Lil storm! laughed at your message

Angus ☁️: shittttt ion know maybe- n yeah ik

-i'm making breakfast, come over if you want

Angus ☁️: food?? i'm already on the way

-my trailer door is unlocked so just come in

A few minutes later you heard the heavy trailer door creak open. You flipped a pancake before turning around and facing the taller man in front of you. "Gooooood morning- you look so tired?"

"Damn, thanks Y/N you look great too!" Angus said sarcastically rolling his eyes.

"Boy, I'm kidding." You grinned wrapping your arms around his waist "How'd you sleep?"

"I slept ight, you? Any dream-"

"SHUTUP!"

"I was just checking damn, just checking!"

You let off the hug and walked back over to the stove turning off the burners. "Okay, done! Pancakes and eggs- and fruit! Can't beat that." You made both you and Angus a plate and sat them down on the small table.

You both ate with smiles on your faces, talking the whole time. You learned some more about Angus and his past, and he learned more about you and what you want your future to be like. You couldn't help but laugh when he spotted a carton of store-bought sugar cookies on your counter and insisted he eat at least five. You didn't deny his request, so he polished them off with the rest of his pancakes.

As soon as the breakfast came to a close, both of your phones dinged at the exact same time.

"That's strange," You said picking up the electrical device. You quickly unlocked it as your eyes scanned the screen, and when you finished you immediately looked up at Angus. From the look on his face, you could tell that he clearly had finished reading the message as well.

"So…" he said quietly.

"Yeah."

"Yep."

The text message wasn't too big of a deal, just a simple message from Mary of a suddenly new shooting schedule. You weren't worried until you reached the paragraph that made very clear that instead of shooting you and Angus's sex scenes next week, or possibly two weeks away, they would be shot tomorrow and for the rest of the week.

Shooting the scenes wasn't exactly the problem, it was the caliber of the scenes that you two would be shooting that was the problem. Also the fact- that though there isn't much talking during the sex scenes- you would have to memorize the lines of the new episode. Even though you and Angus were more comfortable with each other, sex scenes were not anything that you two were ready for, you guys hadn't even kissed yet, whether that was a real kiss, or a kiss practicing for the scene.

"I think we need practice."

"I agree."

"So uh..." He turned red as he picked at his nails.

You let out a sigh. "Okay so look. Basically, the scene just consists of me being naked, you being naked as well, but they're going to jimmy rig something so that obviously we aren't actually doing it. Mary told me in my message that I would have some type of pad over my you know what, and you would have some type of cup on."

"But-"

"I'm not done, wait. There are covers over us; so even though I have to give the effect of riding you, I'll just kind of be awkwardly rubbing my padded- you- know- what up against the cup."

"Okay, don't we make out before?"

"Yeah, we do." You stood up and rinsed off the plates. After placing them in the dishwasher, you turned back to your male co-star. "Okay, so it's about 11 AM right now. If we practice our lines, make out some, and I awkwardly ride you clothed in my bed, I think we should be fine..what about your plans?" You asked softly.

"It’s ight, they can wait. But there's another scene- where I smash you from the back. That's the part where I gotta show my cheeks man, damn I don't wanna show my cheeks!"

You laughed a bit "You'll be fine... tomorrow we'll be shooting probably just making out, then the next day the riding scene, and then the day after that more. And I know this seems kind of shitty, but if you read over other peoples paragraphs besides just ours, a lot of their sex scenes were moved up too, and some of the pairings are a bit weird and unexpected."

"Okay let's stop talking about it and just do it."

You nodded and silently walked into your small bedroom, sitting on the messy bed. You hadn't made it because, well you didn't exactly expect to have Angus in your bedroom, let alone to do this.

"So..."

You turned to look at him with a raised brow, "What?"

"So imma kiss you."

Why did that one sentence make your heart. Skip. So. Many. Fucking. Beats.

"Yeah well, that's what the script says right?"

He nodded and licked his lips. "Come get on my lap."

"Why? That's not in the-"

"It'll be more comfortable, especially if we doing this for a minute."

You took in a breath as you went over and straddled his lap, your legs around his waist, and your arms resting comfortably on his shoulders, wrapping around his neck.

You looked into his eyes, and god they were just gorgeous. "Angus.." You said softly.

"Yeah?"

And for .2 seconds you actually debated telling him- telling him that when you kissed him, you didn't want it just to be practice for the show. Telling him that you felt like you lived for the nights that he would facetime you and tell you dumbest shit that would just have you dead tired the next day. Telling him how much he made you laugh, and how it made you so unbearably happy every time you saw his name and knew it was the cause of your phone screen lighting up. Making sure he knew that the past 2 months of your life had gotten so much brighter just because of him.

You didn't though.

But if you had? He would've told you how he felt the exact same way. He would tell you how he loved how your eyes sparkle in the sunlight, how he loved how your nose scrunched up when you laughed. About how you were the only person who would listen to his dumb Mandela effects, even though he knew you didn't believe in all of them. And how it made him blush every time you sent him a mirror selfie on Snapchat for your streak- which he always lost.

But neither of you said anything.

Instead, you made out for a full 32 minutes with absolutely no passion, no lust, no nothing. Too scared to open up to the other due to the fear of rejection.

Until he got hard.

Again.

And that was your little 'ding!' to let you know yet again, 'he wants you.'

So your hips began to move {finally, after 32 minutes of dead nothingness} and you and Angus's lips began to fight for dominance. His hands moved from being awkwardly placed on your sides to under your shirt on your waist. Feeling his hands on your bare skin, you let out a soft moan into his mouth- which you could tell completely caught him off guard.

"Fuck you moaning for?" He teased, still not letting off of the kiss.

"For you."

He bit your lip causing you to moan yet again, your hips still bucking against his hard-on- holy fuck that felt a lot better than it should've. You grinned a bit as you felt his beard brush against your face.

"God. you're so hot."

'Oh my god' you thought, 'It's happening.'

"Baby, I have nothing on you." You replied seductively, sliding your hand down from his shoulder to his crotch.

"Fuck Jess..."

You grinned as he- wait what?

Jess- right, your characters name. Reel it in, you told yourself. This is just acting, nothing more. Just acting. Though you stayed into it, something about him calling you Jess turned you off a bit. After 10 more minutes or so you stopped, getting off of his lap and sitting on the side of him.

“Wel-”

“Yeah, that was good!” You quickly cut him off. “I definitely think our awkwardness has melted away a bit.”

“But don’t you wanna talk-” 

“We have some scenes to film at 1, its 12:30 right now so we should head to wardrobe.”

Angus looked at you with a confused expression on his face, but just nodded slowly and stood up following you out.

All you two had to film was the scene of you coming back, so it was a calm and chill collection of scenes to go through. Everything ran smoothly, and by the time you two were done around 9PM, you were as tired as could be.

“You're such a good fucking actress Y/N.” Angus complimented you as you two walked back to his trailer. He offered you to stay over for the night- just to sleep of course- and you couldn't reject the offer even if you wanted to- which you didn't want to. “Thank you,” you replied softly. “You’re quite talented as well.”

“Nah girl, I'm just being me.”

You two went into his warm trailer talking of filming the scenes, and how tired you both were. You both tried to avoid the topic of the scenes you had to film tomorrow and for the rest of the week; though you were supposedly ready, it was a strangely sore topic.

Soon showers were taken, clothes were changed, and all that was left to do was cuddle.

Angus flipped off the lights and then crawled into the bed with you. You moved closer to him, listening to his rapid heartbeat as you traced hearts on his chest. “Night Redhead.” you said softly, placing a kiss against his cheek.

“Goodnight Mamas.”

And as you lay next to him listening to his light snores, you thought about something. You thought about how though today had been so amazing, and finally, you felt as though the awkwardness had melted away… it was all acting.

Angus didn't like you; that's what you told yourself. Any man would get hard if an attractive woman was sitting on his lap, so that was self-explanatory. Any man would call you baby during a heated moment, any man would talk dirty to you in a heated moment. And a good man like Angus would always make you feel comfortable when you practiced for a scene- that's all he was doing, he wanted you to feel comfortable.

You couldn't be hurt about the situation, the whole point of doing any of that was just practicing for the scenes. And after all, Angus called you Jess, not Y/N.

But at the same time, a little part of you wouldn't stop screaming that you really really really wished he had said your name instead. A little part of you-

Your thoughts were interrupted by the soft glow of your phone lighting up along with a light vibration. A smile appeared on your face as you saw who the message was from.

Babygirl Z <3: GIRL

Babygirl Z <3: BABES ARE YOU UP??!

-yeah you okay? what's wrong?

Babygirl Z <3: shit I'm sorry but i have to tell you this

-what's wrong????? are you okay?

Babygirl Z <3: I'm fine but

-?????

Babygirl Z <3: fuck don't hate me ily okay this is for the best just remember that

-Z get to the point...

Babygirl Z <3: okay so...storm and i just did some digging and

-and?

Babygirl Z <3: and we think Angus got a girl back @ home

-

taglist:

@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins @patientplum @babygurlbarnes

[rendezvousrenjun]

ring ring rejection | one

img // au masterlist // prev // next //  ✰  pairing :  highschool!renjun x reader (+ dreamies + best friend!mark) ✰ genre : light angst + fluff ✰ word count : 1.6k

You honestly had no expectations coming into your junior year of high school. Going back to school was like continuously flipping through the pages of a book. Sure a new chapter has started, but the book doesn’t change. The same routine. The same faces. The same exhausting hours of the day eating away at your body. 

Your math class was a blessing and a curse. At the end of a long day, the last thing you wanted to do was use your brain to apply formulas and pay attention to lectures. So when you saw Mark walk into the class twenty minutes late on the first day you couldn’t hide your overwhelming excitement. Impulsively you brought both arms into the air like a madman and motioned Mark over to the seat next to you, ignoring the weird glances directed towards you. I mean, you can’t blame them; you were acting like an attention-starved buffoon.  

Mark could already tell it was you from the corner of his eye. He apologetically explained to the teacher that his schedule was changed at the very last minute, having trouble making eye contact with Mr.Choi due to the embarrassed smile growing on his face. He contemplated whether or not he should turn his head to catch a glimpse of you, but decided not to in order to not burst into laughter that would’ve disrupted the class even further. 

You’ve known Mark since that dumb penguin play in first grade. The one where Mark had to sing about gathering fish and where you, unfortunately, were the fish he was supposed to gather. Mark couldn’t stop laughing at the way you were sliding back and forth across the stage, limbs flailing, and little socks poking out from underneath the costume. That contagious laugh seemed to spread everywhere, making your tummy ache and face hurt from smiling too much. You still managed to make Mark laugh at literally anything, and he still managed to make sure his laugh was engraved into your brain, a sound you could probably never forget. 

When walking into class the next day you were a bit confused. An individual you have never seen before was sitting in your seat. You just assumed you guys never had classes together until now. Maybe you were just perplexed, but you could’ve sworn time went a little bit slower when the individual raised his head to meet eyes with you.

WAIT. hE’s so prETTTYyyy?????????

You didn’t even have the guts to ask about your seat anymore and just automatically sat right behind the beautiful boy. There’s no way you would’ve missed him before. Was he a transfer student? Did he just come here from an unknown place where they keep very very pretty boys??? Maybe your hormones were spiking you in that moment, controlling you with such a sudden infatuation and attraction. 

Weeks would go by, and you wouldn’t mean to, but it was so easy to eavesdrop on conversations between Renjun, that was the beautiful boy’s name, and Jaemin, another beautiful boy who came into the class the day after you saw Renjun. You wondered where they came from, or why they were so late to transfer into the class. But sometimes they would talk about the most mundane things, and just watching Renjun register Jaemin’s nonsense, calling him out--was so funny to you for some reason. The way Renjun’s soft spoken voice would chuckle even softer, or his back would move up and down in a gentle pattern was precious. 

Sometimes you would get secondhand embarrassment from Renjun when he calls out the math teacher for making a mistake. But it was very minimal compared to the secondhand embarrassment Renjun felt when you and Mark would do dumb shit. Like shouting “knowledge is SEXY” when Jaemin or Renjun answered a question right in class, and the teacher would just blink in disbelief that two buffoons had to be placed under his care. Jaemin seemed to enjoy it though, and Renjun would be lying if he said it bothered him.

Inevitably, a math groupchat titled “5318008” aka BOOBIES upside down was created, courtesy of Jaemin and Mark. It was mostly Mark asking for the homework and one of the three of you sending it, or sending the weirdest memes at 12 in the morning, or having random rants about the insane amount of schoolwork. One time Mark added Haechan in the groupchat as a joke for Halloween, like a “ghost texter prank”, and you all forgot about kicking him out, so he just stayed in the chat. 

Mark was listening to one of your long tangents about how smart and funny Renjun is in your room after school one day. He was sitting at your desk and you were laying down on the floor with your eyes closed talking about your conspiracy theory about Renjun and Jaemin and how they were just cute aliens who came to this earth, but Mark cut you off-

“You do know that like Renjun and Jaemin are like sophomores right? And they were like like placed in our class cuz they’re in like an advanced program…????”

“Eh…?”

“Oiiiiiiii  KNOWLEDGE IS SEXY-”

“MarK Now IS noT THE timeeeEee”

“OooooO you have a crush on someone youngerrrrrrr you’re one step closer to being a cougar y/n”

“Mark I don’t like reNjun and we are literally a year apart??”

“Uhuh sure, bring him up into like almost every conversation we have and you don’t like him? Sounds like a load of barnacles to me lmFAO”

I MEAN you would hate to admit it because it hurt your pride at that moment, but you couldn’t NOT like Huang Renjun. That’s impossible. That’s like asking Mark to not like watermelon or something stupid like that. Mark just figured out your feelings before you did. 

Which caused a lot of chaos to say the least.

The first time Mark stole your phone to message Renjun you were asleep on his couch. He had just finished eating and ran over to poke some fun at you but he realized you must’ve been tired. So he ended up drawing cats on your face with permanent marker and stealing your thumbprint to unlock your phone instead. 

He took the picture of you sleeping from below your chin so your nostrils were on full display and sent it straight to Renjun with “for u~~~” underneath the image. You woke up to the sound of Mark’s distinct giggling realizing he had your phone and snatching it from above him as he lay against the side of the couch. Mark’s mom came down running from your intense screaming when you realized what Mark has done. You smothered him with a couch pillow, causing him to yelp out a “saVE ME”, and asked his mom to ground him for eternity, to which his mom slowly retreated back upstairs, already used to these dumbass shenanigans. 

READ

Oh shit oh shit oh shit 

Renjun: uh thx ig…?

y/n: IT WAS MARK IM SO SORRY

Renjun: uhuh sure okay whatever u say y/n

y/n: i swear it wasnt me >_<

Renjun: (¬_¬)

Looking into the mirror to see your cat whiskers only added to Mark’s misery.

The second time Mark messaged Renjun you actually asked for his help. You needed to ask Renjun if he finished his part of the math group project, and if he wanted to work on it together with you. Mark confidently told you he was the master of asking favors and held the phone close to his chest making sure you couldn’t peak. 

You honestly should’ve known better.

y/n: i love you renjun!!!!!! READ

“oiIIIiIiiiiiiiiiii WHY DOES RENJUN like l ike liKE READ HIS TEXTS SO like DAMN like FAST fuK”

By then you were already digging your grave, Mark freaking out by the way you seemed so calm. When he saw a single tear roll down your cheek he let you punch him all you wanted that day, even strangle him a little. 

It made sense Renjun was suspicious. 

The third time you messaged Renjun, it was influenced by Mark once again. 

“Dude do you know who Jeno is?”

“WHose that?”

“He would probably like fit into your alien conspiracy”

“Is he close with Jaemin??”

“Yea! Yea! That dude… he’s pretty cool ya know? Like I was talking to him about guitars and stuff and it makes sense that he’s friends with Jaemin and like Renjun.”

“Aww, kinda wanna meet him now”

“Yea you should- BUT GUESS WHAT”

“What??”

“You gotta guess”

“Mark….”

“Okay okay so basically like Jeno told me Renjun likes this girl he only met this year and i started like freakING out cuz i was thinkin maybe it’s y/n and i kept asking jeno to drop hints and he wouldn’t budge but dude- it’s toTALLY YOU!!!??? RIGHT?? Right???”

“Omg mark…. You’re totally right”

And that’s when you decided to message him that Monday night. You kinda wished you and Mark weren’t dumb and dumber because Renjun knows a lot of people, and he probably met even more this year. Maybe it was dumb for you to pretend you didn’t like Huang Renjun. You should’ve just come clean and told him how you felt. But at least now you were able to talk to him after school. Being in his company was good enough, you told yourself. Was it wishful thinking to be excited to see the person you got rejected by? It was the first time you two were going to hangout one-on-one afterall. You hoped that your swollen eyes wouldn’t give away the fact you cried over him tonight. 

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

[turtle-steverogers]

Hero Complex

lmao hi IM BACK i wrote a fic pfffff it’s kind Shit cuz i started writing at midnight and now its 2:40 am so excuse the BAD WRITING dajfdslkfjalsdkfs

warnings: fire, mentions of death (kinda graphic ish, sad), crying

ship: ralbert

word count: 2762

-

Earlier

“Just- don’t try to be a hero, dumbass.”

Albert’s fingers freeze on the top button of his uniform, eyes darting up to study Race’s face.  He bites back a sigh, something weighing down on his chest as the fear in his boyfriend’s eyes grows.  

“That’s the whole point of my job,” He says softly, “But I’ll be careful.”

Race nods, wordlessly handing him his helmet.  Albert takes it, drawing in a deep breath to steady his hands.  Queso lifts his head from his paws, looking at the two of them questioningly before padding across the room and nudging Albert’s knee.  He lets out the breath he’d been holding and bends over the slightest bit to scratch behind Queso’s ears.  No matter how many calls his squadron responded to, his nerves still managed to run high.

“That’s all I ask,” Race responds, gently tilting Albert’s jaw and kissing him intently.  Albert presses back, heart kicking double time as adrenaline starts to overcome him.  He pulls back, the need to move overtaking him.  

“I gotta go,” He says, shifting the helmet onto his head, “I’ll be home later…”

The unspoken, ‘hopefully’, rings loudly in the air.  Albert really hates this part of the job.

Race nods, dropping his hand from Albert’s face and squeezing his bicep briefly, “Go.  Be safe.  I love you.”

Albert smiles, but it feels strained, “I love you, too.”

Now

“Dasilva, get that room on the right!  Some kid’s in there!”

Albert swears under his breath, shooting a quick nod to Finch as he hurries past him, carrying an infant in one arm and shielding a young looking mother with the other.  He grimaces, adjusting the mask on his face as the building gives the second unsettling creak in as many minutes.  

In the three years that he’s worked for the FDNY, he’d never seen a building fire this destructive.  Details were still being investigated, but from what had been gathered, an apparent fireball had formed on the 14th floor, engulfing the top four floors of the building and spreading quickly to the lower levels.  The casualty count was already tragically high, but between the first responders and following squadrons showing up to the scene, the fatality rate was going down.  

That didn’t make it any less gut-wrenching.  

Albert crosses to the apartment Finch had pointed him to and easily knocked the handle off the door.  He knocked once, calling a loud warning into the room before shouldering the door, which gave way easily thanks to the heat. 

In the corner of the room, a young boy sat cowering against the wall, arms wrapped protectively around an even younger girl.  Panicked breaths were coming vehemently from the pair and as Albert gets nearer to them, he can see the tear tracks that cut through the soot.  He crouches down, trying to seem nonthreatening.

“Are your parents here?” He asks, raising his voice over the roaring flames.

The little boy lets out a sob, pointing a trembling hand to the room adjacent to them.  Albert glances to the side, nausea rolling in his stomach as he takes in the flames licking under the closed door.  Whoever is in there, sure isn’t getting out.  

“Okay,” Albert takes a deep breath, turning back to the siblings, “I need you both to take your shirts and pull them over your mouths and noses, okay?”

He waits for them to do so, then scoops them both up easily, ensuring that they have secure grips on his shoulders, before moving swiftly out of the room.  The building lets out another threatening creak and Albert falters, trying to map out the safest route in his head.  He settles on running to the stairs on the southside of the building, opposite of where the fireball had started.

Five excruciating minutes later, Albert is able to exit the building, immediately seeking out some paramedics and dumping the kids in their care.  He turns back around, taking a deep breath before running back towards the building.

“People still up there?” Spot, another commissioner, calls.

“I don’t know!” Albert calls back, “But we can’t risk leaving anyone!”

“This building’s ‘boutta go down, man!” Spot shouts, jogging up to him.

“I don’t care,” Albert says, firmly, tightening the strap on his helmet, “If I can even get one more person out, that’s one more life saved.”

“Alright,” Spot concedes, “But I’m coming with you.”

Albert nods, steeling himself.

“Don’t try to be a hero…”

Race’s words echo in his head and he bites his lip, casting a hurried glance in the direction of their apartment complex, across the Brooklyn Bridge.

“Sorry, Racer,” He murmurs, hesitating for a short moment before running back into the building.

-

A recently opened beer bottle sits forgotten on the table as Race paces anxiously in front of the TV, a cigarette dangling loosely from his lips.  He’s not entirely sure why he’s smoking.  The thing that usually eases his worries only worsening the sick feeling in his stomach as smoke rolls over his tongue, parallel to the cloud of smoke he’s watching climb higher and higher from the building until it billows off-screen.

This routine is familiar, but it never gets easier.  Letting Albert go will never fucking get easier.  It feels like he’s dumping him into the jaws of death, fire biting at his ankles every time he leaves through their apartment door.  

But he does let him go, allowing himself to grow sick with worry as he immediately searches for whatever information he can find, usually settling on the local news and popping open a beer or lighting a cigarette.  Maybe both.  More often than not, they remain unfinished.

He lets out a frustrated hum, stubbing his half-smoked cigarette out in the ashtray they keep on the coffee table.  He forces himself to sit down and drags a sweaty hand down his face.  Albert had been gone for a good two hours by now, but the fire doesn’t look like it’s getting any closer to being put out.  If any, it looks worse.

Every time a firefighter passes by the camera, Race’s stomach does a violent flip.  He can’t really tell who’s who underneath their face shields and helmets, but it doesn’t stop him from trying to differentiate them.  

Once, the news caught a clip of a firefighter being wheeled into the back of an ambulance looking very much not alive and Race had been violently sick for an hour before Albert came home and assured him that it was not him and he was okay.

That had been a bad fucking night.

Suddenly, the face of the reporter on screen morphs into one of sheer terror and the camera shifts sideways to show the building, crumbling in on itself.  There’s a moment where no one seems to react and Race scrambles to unmute the channel.  Screams ring through the speaker as the reporter and the cameraman run for shelter.  

Race feels his eyes go wide, but he can’t look away.  Somewhere to his left, Queso lets out a whimper, but he can’t find it in himself to look.  A second later, he feels Queso hop up next to him on the couch cushions and settle his weight against his side.

A million frantic thoughts crowd Race’s mind, eventually settling on the horrible debate of whether Albert is in the building or not.  Part of him wants to believe that he got away in time, but logic tells him that the idiot was probably in the building until the last second, searching for straggling survivors.  Fucking dumb shit.  Always has to be a fucking hero.

Sometimes he really hates Albert’s lack of self-preservation over others.

Scratch that.

He always hates it.

He runs his hand through his hair, pulling it almost painfully as his chest tightens.  Taking a deep breath, he presses his knuckles to his eyes, trying to stave off the oncoming panic attack.  He has to stay calm.  If Albert is alive and got out of there unharmed, he’s going to need Race to be a rock for him tonight.

Race takes another deep breath, letting it out slower this time as the vice that previously gripped his lungs loosens a bit.  He can do this.  He just needs to be patient.

He watches the news for another few minutes, picking at his cuticles distractedly as shots of firefighters and paramedics work to reign in the newly charged chaos.  Then, he clicks off the TV, heaves himself off the couch and begins to prepare for Albert’s (hopeful) return back home.

He puts some more food and water in Queso’s bowls, then crosses to the bathroom to take a quick shower.  The water is too hot and he drops the bar of soap three times before he can steady his hands enough to use it.  

He dresses himself mechanically, then digs through their dresser for Albert’s favorite pair of briefs, sweatpants, and a hoodie, setting them neatly on the end of the bed.  As an afterthought, he grabs a fresh towel and washcloth from the closet and sets them on the toilet in the bathroom.  

It’s doubtful that Albert will want to eat much of anything if- no, when he gets home, but Race busies himself in throwing together a quick pasta primavera nonetheless.  If anything, the cooking helps to settle his own nerves a bit.

Another hour passes and Race has managed to finish cooking, eat a little, and clean up the kitchen, all the while forcing down the ever-growing wave of dread.

He’s starting to run out of distracting things to do, so he picks up the book he’s been reading and settles on the couch, eyes scanning the pages, but not comprehending a thing.  

45 minutes later, the front door unlocks and opens.

Race is off the couch before it can swing back closed.

Albert doesn’t look at Race as he hangs his helmet on it’s hook, but Race can already tell that it’s going to be a rough night.  Despite the gear protecting every inch of Albert’s body, his face and hair are covered in a thick layer of ash.  He’s still dressed in his turnout pants, but his uniform top has seemingly been abandoned at some point on his return home.  The sharp tense of his shoulder has rendered his movements stiff and Race watches in carefully masked concern as he tugs off his boots.  

Once they’re dutifully lined by the door, Albert straightens up, looking at Race for the first time, a dull, haunted look in his eyes.

For a moment, Race is scared that he’s going to breakdown then and there, but Albert only clears his throat and croaks, “I need to shower.”

Queso is lingering by the kitchen entrance, but he seems to sense that his company would not be very well received right now.  Race nods at Albert, bending down to pluck one of Queso’s toys from the ground and tossing it in the direction of the kitchen.  He hears the slow patter of Queso’s paws on the tile and sees him pad out of the room in his peripheral.

“Let’s get you out of those pants before you do anything else,” Race says in a measured voice, working to sound easy, but firm.

It’s a testament to how fucked up Albert must be feeling that he doesn’t make a dirty joke at that.

Albert barely moves as Race unbuttons his turnout pants and eases them down his hips.  His gaze is unwavering as he stares blankly across the room.  Race can hear his slightly erratic breathing and it seems as if the adrenaline has yet to wear off.

“Lift up for a sec, love,” Race says, tapping at Albert’s socked feet and waiting for him to lift his legs one by one, allowing for Race to fully remove his pants.

“You can go shower now,” Race says, standing back up, “do you need me to come with you?”

Albert shakes his head, “No, I’m-I’m good.”

“You sure?” 

Albert nods, “Yeah, just- yeah, I’m good.

“Okay,” Race smiles a little, trying to look encouraging, “Shout if you need me, though.”

Albert nods again and makes a stiff beeline for the bathroom.  A few minutes later, Race hears the shower turn on.  He crosses to their bedroom to find that Albert took the clothes he’d set out in with him.

He smiles a little more genuinely as he crawls into bed.  Rolling onto his side, he busies himself with his phone while he waits for Albert to finish up, turning up the brightness to keep himself awake.  Albert was bound to take a while in the shower tonight.  He always does after missions.

A half hour later, he hears the bathroom door open and close and a moment later, the bed behind him dips as Albert joins him under the covers.  Race clicks off his phone and sets it on his bedside table, shifting onto his back as Albert settles into his arms.

“Want me to keep the lights on or off?” He asks quietly, pressing a little kiss into Albert’s now clean hair.  It’s still a little wet and smells strongly like the coconut shampoo he likes to use.

Albert nestles closer, pressing his nose to Race’s neck, “Off, please.”

Race extracts his arm momentarily to flip off the lamp switch, then draws Albert in protectively.  The silence between them stretches on for what could be hours, but Race knows Albert is still awake.

This is also part of the routine.  If Albert wants to talk, he will, but if he’d rather just lie quietly and process, Race wasn’t going to push him.

But he’d stay up with him either way.  There’s no way in hell he’d leave him to handle this alone in any capacity.

Eventually, the silence is broken by a soft whimper, then a short sniffle and Race feels Albert tuck his face further into his collarbone.  He feels his heart break in his chest, but he wills himself to remain steady as he tightens his hold on Albert.

A moment later, Albert begins to cry in earnest and Race presses a firm kiss to the crown of his head, shushing him.  

“I’ve got you,” He murmurs as Albert fists his hand in his nightshirt, holding on like a lifeline, “I’m here and I’ve got you.”

“There-there was a little girl on a fire escape,” Albert hiccups, “and she was screaming for her mom and I was about to go back in to get her, Race, I was about to go get her!  But the building…” he trails off, an awful keening noise sounding from his throat.

Race blinks back his own tears, rubbing a hand up and down Albert’s back, “You did what you could, baby.”

Albert shakes his head, “But it-it wasn’t enough.” His words are stilted- broken- and his breathing is harsh and heaving.

Race maneuvers them so they’re lying side to side, facing each other.  He cradles Albert’s head with one hand and rests the palm of his other hand on his cheek, brushing away his tears with the pad of his thumb.

“It wasn’t your fault,” He whispers firmly, “There’s nothing else you could have done.  You can’t save everyone.”

Albert closes his eyes, biting his lower lip hard enough to draw blood as he tries to take slower breaths.

“I wish I could,” Albert says after a lingering pause, “It’s fucked up.”

“It is,” Race says, “But you helped a lot of people get out of there today, you did a lot, Albert.”

Albert doesn’t answer, just tucks himself closer to Race, breathing in his warmth.  

“Rest, baby,” Race mutters, knowing that neither of them are really going to sleep that night, “I’ve got you, you can relax now.”

Albert lets out a shaky sigh and Race feels his heart grow heavier still.  The concern, grief, and anger at the world for plaguing Albert with the fucked up trauma that accompanies his job are indiscernible from one another.  He wishes more than anything that he could take away his pain, but he also knows that’s as naive as wishing he’d quit.

The most he can do is be there for him, even if there’s nothing he could say to truly make it better.

But he can be there and maybe that’ll be enough.

“I love you,” He breathes, lacing their hands together, “I’m here.”

Albert squeezes his hand, “I know,” he pauses, “I love you, too.”

And for a second, things are a little okay.

-

yeah, so im still alive!

anyway

thanks for reading, chiefs

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[crispyapplepies]

Copy pasta improvised terra-slept-with-joshua-and-ven-is-upset-about-it fic i wrote in a discord chat for any terravens willing to overlook the present tense sketch writing, i hope you enjoy the angsty comedy drama --

so by chance, vens assigned gym partner for the day is joshua~ sora is stuck with roxas in the bg which is also amusing if you wanna know the background noise to this xD ven is an utter sweetie and has no personal problem with joshua so hes happy to pick up his slack on their activities today since he understands some people just dont care for athletics, especially when they have pretty looks to preserve for rehearsal tonight^^ at the end of class joshua offers his coy appreciation to ven who was such a cute gentleman today in getting him through that~ and then he makes some remark about how he never wouldve guessed ven even was that physically inclined given what he thought terras taste in men was~ ven lowers an eyebrow and asks "huh? what does that mean? =o=" and joshua chuckles "oh it was a long time ago, nothing to wonder about now~ i will say this though, you my friend? are one very very lucky bottom ;) keep a close eye on him." and then he saunters off to his next class. ven squints =.= hes a lil grumpy now x)

come lunch time, terra and aqua have already sat down at their usual table, seniors come in first, and theyre settled in with aqua going over some extra terms with terra for their history exam. sophomores finally file in and ven marches over with the tray of food he didnt even look at when he was at the counter. terra turns with a smile to see him and plants his usual kiss hello on his cheek as ven sits down with a slight fwomp, not responding to it. terra asks "everything okay? :o" and aqua looks over to check if hes feeling alright, not spotting any signs of sickness. ven responds almost gritting his teeth "i've been better. =_ =" terra tells aqua he'll help her study in a minute, cuz obviously upset boyfriend takes priority<3 he sinks his fingers into vens hair and asks him if he wants to talk about it. and ven takes a deep breath, trying to resume his usual Good Boi Angel attitude, gently swats terras hand away and says "Maybe later, you and aqua can go ahead and study! 8) I'll even help you if you like~" terra recognizes that this is certainly not over but hes not gonna force ven to talk or anything so he kinda nervously says okay.. and then tells aqua "Wanna quiz me?" and aqua says sure, and starts reading off the list of vocab words only for ven to suddenly smack the table and turn sharply to terra and ask "WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME YOU SLEPT WITH JOSHUA????" and terra just- O//__//O oops.. and aqua looks at terra all disappointed and grossed out and groans "Oh, terra, you didn't... >~<" and terra is so embarrassed and tries to explain to ven's scowl "i-it was a long time ago! really it meant nothing! :'D... a-and besides it was even before I met you! so.. thats- alright?" and he glances over at aqua hoping for some kind of validation but she just goes "ughh..." in the most smh big sister voice xDDD

ven exhales, trying to cool off and be rational, but his usual sweet happy face just cant help being all =_ = at terra, and he says "I guess its- fine, but- gosh, really? joshua? you didnt have feelings for him, did you? er was this just a fling? how long ago was this?" and terra stumbles to answer saying "i-it was- um... back when i first came out! people were telling me i couldnt say i was bi if i'd never had sex with a guy too, so i- had to prove it! thats all, really, it was nothing meaningful to me, honest<3 :'3 I'm not like that." as he cups vens cheeks playfully, but where theres usually a smile between puffed out cheeks theres still just a >:T ven folds his arms and tries again to collect himself and says "i guess i get it.. i guess xT thats really all it was? no more secrets?" and terra swears with his hand up and his eyes closed "I swear thats all it was v_v." aqua shakes her head and tells terra "Youre gonna owe ven preeetty big after this blows over :/" but before ven can even respond terra has already jumped in to tell her "I'll do anything to make ven happy! theres absolutely nothing to worry about~ :')" and ven is still kinda pissed but he finally says "okay. i'll let it go. here aqua, i can read off the list and quiz both of you" and aqua slides ven the paper to read off while she glares at terra who glares back at her as if to say 'drop it =.='

so thats the end of it for the day, and the next day too, but then the next day is gym again, and whatever sora and roxas are struggling with in the bg is still going on xD and ven and joshua are partners again. ven is still not comfortable with the idea of his terra sleeping with joshua, the twink incubus of the school fdkjgh but hes a nice boy so hes going to continue being nice and get joshua through this "drag of an hour, and not even the fun kind" pff joshua can kinda tell ven is pretty tense today though, unusual for him since ven is always the nicest kid in the whole school next to maybe sora. so finally near the end he asks if something's on his mind and ven realizes ack, what am i doing? there is no reason for me to be such a jerk. so he tells joshua "im really sorry, I mean it, I have no business acting like this;; i just- when i found out you slept with terra i was kinda.. uncomfortable about it to say the least, but i have no reason to be, youre perfectly nice :) besides, it was before he even met me so it doubly doesnt matter~^^" but thats where joshua raises an eyebrow. "oh? i think youre a little mixed up there cutie pie~ terra and i had sex together last year. some time after you transferred. I was amazed at the offer, really, i honestly thought that once he met you, none of us other cuties had a chance. but it looks like he landed you in the end, so it is of no matter. but i do certainly hope that you and he are happy, terra is quite the catch and we'll all be quite jealous of you til the end~ catch you around ;)" and thats the end of that conversation. ven. is. livid. 8)

so ven actually skipped lunch with his friends 8) terra looks around curiously, he still isnt showing up and hes not texting him back either. aqua asks him "doesnt ven have gym today?" and terra answers like its a dumb question pff "yeah? its thursday, everybody has gym today. its gym day." and she shakes her head at him and says "I think you should give him some space. im pretty sure i know where he is. :/" terra looks uneasy tho. "do you think hes okay?" and aqua says "oh... im sure he will be." terra grips his arms and tries not to think about it 8)

senior gym class is last period and they start filing in as the juniors file out. terra fist bumps riku on his way in xD terra is practically exempt from whatever is on the activities list cuz hes.. terra and gym class is honestly childs play pff he finishes everything in 2 seconds anyway. so usually the coach just lets him bench press for a while. highschools are bullshit xD aqua has that privilege too but she considers it a warm up before her practice later and does them anyway. terra takes his time prepping the bench, saving himself the trouble of dealing with the crowd in the locker room, and once they all run out he yoinks his gym bag up to his shoulder just to be extra pff and marches on in there to change. weird that everyone is snickering at him on their way out though... he walks inside, humming mindlessly to himself cuz gym class is his chance to relax after school before his practice. and then he half screams in surprise as his gym bag falls to the floor. ven is sitting right there in front of the lockers with the angriest look on his face terra didnt even know he /could/ make jhdfgl ven "sings" out "hello, terra. >8(" and terra just- run kdjfhglhdfsg

terra runs back to the bench as if he can just- run away from reality kdjsfhgljkdfs xDDD and start bench pressing cuz he doesnt know what else to do sdklfjhglsdj im having too much fun with this i love dumb ass jocks and soft cuties xDDD ven launches himself on top of terra pushing down on the weights terra was about to pump up and yells "YOU SLEPT WITH JOSHUA WHILE YOU WERE COURTING ME?!?!?!?!!!!"

(everyone in the gym is cackling quietly to themselves at the display sdfkjgh this AMAZING xD) terra looks up at ven in fear and stutters "I-I didnt think i had a chance with you! you didnt seem interested D:!" ven yells "OF COURSE I WAS INTERESTED YOURE JUST SHIT AT FLIRTING!!!!!!!" terra tries to calm him down "youre gonna break the bench press, ven! D:" the coach comes over at all the yelling and yells at them "HEY, break it up--" only to be shut right up when ven glares at him and growls and terra looks at him utterly terrified dfkjhg and motions for him to leave them alone. the coach is both very scared of ven xD and also doesnt wanna lose his quarterback so he smiles and holds his hands up in surrender and says "hey, you know what? why dont you two work it out amongst yourselves?^^;;; maybe somewhere that isnt my expensive bench press though?" ven yells "FINE." and grabs terra by the wrist and drags him back to the locker rooms using a scary strength terra didnt know he had dkfjglh O_O;; aqua pauses her stretches and shakes her head and mumbles "it was nice knowing you, terra. :/" and then resumes her work out xD

well ven flings terra into the locker room and shuts the door with a slam and chews him out. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HUMILIATING THIS FEELS?!!! YOU SLEPT WITH THAT LITTLE HORNDOG AFTER I CAME HERE AND THEN YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT IT SO I HAD TO FIND OUT FROM THE HORNDOG HIMSELF?!!! GIMME YOUR BEST EXPLANATION FOR THAT, TERRA, JUST TRY ME!!!! >8UUUUUU" terra reaches out his trembling hands bravely to try and calm ven down, before he pulls his hair out and he cries out "I'm SORRY, i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry, okay, I didn't do it to hurt you!!!! It was just a small thing-" "AHAHAH IS THAT WHAT IT IS THEN??? WELL IF IT WAS SUCH A SMALL "tHinG" THEN WHY WOULD YOU LIE TO ME ABOUT IT, WHAT OTHER SECRETS HAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING?!!! DID YOU SLEEP WITH RIKU TOO? ANYMORE CHEERLEADERS I DONT KNOW ABOUT??? OR MAYBE JOSHUA AGAIN AT SOME POINT????!!! >8'DDDD"   ven is about to lose his mind sdjfhg terra is starting to feel upset too ;~; "No, I don't have anymore secrets, after we started dating I havent even so much as THOUGHT of anyone else! I mean that! :'U" he pleas, finally managing to place loving hands on vens shoulders as he prays for forgiveness dkfjhg ven finally just cries it out letting himself sob into his palms and terra steps in closer, hating to see ven cry, and this is much worse knowing hes the cause of it ;-;

ven glances up again, terras scent hitting him and that warm chest right in front of him that he loves and he just buries his face in it not knowing what else to do dkfgh terra holds him, stroking his back, mulling over in his head how many ways he could apologize for this but then ven pushes himself away again, hes still so upset >~< and he sniffles "why. did you lie to me about it." terras face goes red and he fishes for his words "because i- i care what you think ven." ven scoffs, but his frown hardens and he wipes his eyes "you care what i think, and so you LIED to me? what am i supposed to think?" terra replies quickly "i dont know :'u i guess i just didnt want you to think..." ven holds himself and turns away. terra supposes he has to just- be honest then, its worth a try if  it keeps him from losing the love of his life. "Look, I- I lied because the way you look at me matters to much. I care what you think of me more than anyone else, ven." ven sniffles, his back still turned to terra "oh yeah?" and terra glides over to turn him around and look at him, taking vens hands in his. "yes! ven youre the nicest, kindest, most pure hearted person i've ever met. i cant even imagine there being a darkness in your heart. who even says "slept with" and "courted" anymore besides a sweetheart like you? youre like an angel to me, but i- dont have the best reputation anymore. and the number of partners ive had seemed to disgust you. it broke my heart the way you looked at me the other day knowing that id slept with joshua. like you thought i was- i dunno.. im sorry i did it, i really am. i never wouldve done it if i'd known you really did want me too." ven reaches up and places a hand to terras cheek promising "Terra, I think the world of you. i wouldnt be with you if i didnt think you were a great person. the best even! you know how much i admire you. i just- was I just a fling? how do i know im not the next joshua or shiki you sl- have sex with and drop?"

and terra leans down to kiss his forehead and chuckles "because you're you, silly." that gets ven smiling again, the cornier the better with him<3 he presses his nose to terras chest and slides his arms up over his back for a tight hug and terra is so relieved they got through that dkfgjhdjl f ven tells him "I'm sorry for making you feel judged. i was way too rash about that whole thing." terra tells him its alright, imeanididlietoyouafterallahem.. ven goes = _= for just a second, cuz yeah that sure wasnt cool dfkjgh but he removes it cuz mostly hes back to smiling and he pulls himself away to look up at terra again, admitting with a blush "i guess i'm still in disbelief that youre really mine. maybe in 5 years or something i'll believe it" ven chuckles at his joke, but terra smiles down at him very sincerely and says "then i'm counting the years with you til then~" and that just tickles him and he jumps up to give terra make up smooches for a while<3 eventually they emerge from the locker room, ven clearly looking like hed been crying but smiling away again, even feeling okay enough to go to class now, cuz hes a good boy who wouldnt just ditch at that point like i would xD terra looks relieved too. aqua breaks formation when she sees them come out and runs up to ven to ask if hes okay and hug him if he needs, but ven says "everythings fine :) thanks aqua~" and aqua looks up at terra to double check that and terra nods affirmatively that yes, everything is fine. ven nudges aqua "see you at practice today~" and waves at terra too, knowing he prefers not to smooch in front of the other seniors;; but terra tells him to hang on and he runs over to give him a smooch goodbye and all is well after that<3 and axel snarks "tchh- drama queens :/"

[huhusevenn]

jtwya

• fluff, humor

• Word Count: 1.5k

• HighSchool!au | transferee!woojin x reader

• a/n: hiii! i wish u had a great day, and if not, i hope this will help you smile for a bit. the reader's thoughts are in italics. thank for reading! the title sucks, bc i cant think of anything else im sorry :(( it's almost quarter to one here am here lmao

- Rei <3

ps. the photos arent mine, but the edit is mine.

"You're the shit."

"What the shit."

Hyunjin and Yeji said at the same time, but with different expressions. Typical twins. Except that you love Hyunjin's grin of fascination more than Yeji's gaze of disgust for this moment.

"I know. I'm the shit, right?" You grinned, throwing an arm over Hyunjin's shoulder to pull him close to you. You ruffled his hair playfully, earning a small giggle from him.

"No, Y/N, you look like shit. What in the world did you just do to your hair?" Yeji exclaims in disbelief as she eyes your new pixie, undercut hairstyle with light blonde highlights. You seriously don't understand why Yeji didn't like it. It's so beautiful you stared at yourself for 5 whole minutes in the mirror - that's a new record! Even your Dad was impressed by this hairstyle, and he rarely cares when it comes to these things.

"Apparently, I fell in love with Captain Marvel's hairdo. You also told me to get my hair done! " You stated defensively, which annoyed Yeji more.

She rolled her eyes at you. "I told you to get your hair done by hot-oiling it, dumb butt!"

"It's cool, you look like a boy now," Hyunjin ruffles my hair as well, "nice highlights, man! It added to the masculinity."

What. the. f-

Now that explains why Dad gave a fuck for the first freakin' time

"I'll just wish to the gods above the heavens that you didn't completely ruin your chances in dating someone this school year," Yeji sarcastically remarked.

"I don't even care anymore," you exhaled heavily, flushing all your hopes of dating someone out. You told yourself that you'll stop looking for guys and let destiny fate do their thing with you and your soulmate if there's any.

"I'm kind of tired assuming that someone would be interested in me, when society made it clear for people like me that there will never be," you ranted, followed by the sigh of defeat.

"Don't lose hope yet! Someone will see you beyond that hairstyle," Yeji half-heartedly encouraged, still a bit annoyed because of your hair.

"I'll seriously miss your long, dark hair, but I'll get used to this, hopefully." She finally smiled at you. The conversation was cut short by the first morning-bell, then students started to hurry, pushing each other rather carelessly at the hall just to make it to class before the second bell rings.

"See you at lunch!" you slightly yelled. She nodded in response as she separated herself from you and Hyunjin, who is currently doing his best to refrain from laughing hard as you put some of your things in your locker.

The hall is mostly empty by now, for the students have finally settled into their respective classrooms except for you, Hyunjin, and a boy you've never seen before in this school.

"Who's that?" You asked Hyunjin in a whisper as you watch the boy struggle in opening his locker.

"New kid, obviously," Hyunjin replies, "to be honest, I feel bad for him. That locker has been broken for god-knows-how-long and no one has ever used it until now."

"Hey!" You called out, "that locker's broken. We could share if you don't mind."

"PFFFT- Wow, Y/N, just. Wow." Hyunjin snarkily exclaimed, "that's a new kid and you're hitting on him already?"

You chose to ignore him and continued to arrange your locker so all his things could fit in. You don't really take up that much space since you carry everything in your bag because you tend to forget your assignments in your locker. You almost failed your English class because of it.

"Uhh, hi," You heard the new guy's silvery, soft voice behind you, "I'm... new here."

"Yeah, I can see that. So, what's your name?" Hyunjin asks.

"Woojin. Woojin Kim."

"All done," you turned around and gave the transferee a small smile.

"Thanks, man." He said as he placed his stuff inside your locker.

Hyunjin erupted in laughter that echoed throughout the empty hall, clapping his hands in pure amusement at the same time, which only added to your annoyance.

This Woojin guy looks at the both of you, confused as to why you're giving him a bitch face and Hyunjin laughing so hard. "Did I do something wrong?"

". . . I'm a girl."

"Oh, you are?"

Hyunjin cackles even harder, almost becoming the epitome of ROTFL; and you couldn't be more irritated when you see Woojin's look of pure astonishment. Do I really look like a guy?' But there's no point in arguing. You love this hairstyle nevertheless, and you know that you'll rock it whether you'll look like a guy or a gal. The second bell rang, signaling the start of the class. Good thing your first class is Biology, which is found right beside your locker row and your teacher is always 30 minutes late.

Ignoring the now calm Hyunjin and embarrassed Woojin, you entered the room and went to your seat. Woojin and Hyunjin follow you inside, as well. Hyunjin then goes to his seat at the back row, never forgetting to send you a teasing wink as he passed by.

Woojin eyes the classroom for a moment to look for an empty seat, then he found the one and only vacant spot, which was next to yours. Letting what he said slip away doesn't mean that you'd do the same with your burning annoyance, so you decided to act as if he had disappeared into thin air.

You felt him start to walk towards you, but you kept your head down to avoid eye contact. As soon as he sat on the chair, he spoke up. "Hey, I'm really sorry about what I said earlier. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, or whatsoever."

You looked at him with a raised brow, meeting his slightly serious gaze, to which you chuckled because you find it surprisingly cute of him to be this worried. Your annoyance immediately dissipated as if it was never there. "We're cool, man. No need for apologies."

"As a matter of fact, I find y-"

Woojin was cut off when the door slammed open, then your Biology teacher came in sight, still looking fresh as ever. Your class lowkey thinks that he's spending an hour in the mirror just to "fix" himself, that's why he's always late.

Woojin didn't bother continuing what he wants to tell you because his focus is now on the teacher, as he waits to be called to introduce himself. You didn't mind, though. You can always ask him about it later. Doodling on the back of your notebook is more interesting.

The teacher finally noticed Woojin and he formally introduced himself in front of the class, but with whatever the weirdest reason Mr. Lee has, he started to ask Woojin some silly questions, and you assumed that he's being lazy today and wants to spend the half-hour in doing nothing but joking around.

"So Woojin, what talents do you have?" He asks, sitting on top of his desk.

Woojin nervously fidgets his fingers, yet he answered, with a confident tone, "I sing, sir."

"Really? Care to sing your favorite line in your favorite song?"

He nodded. You're still not paying attention because you're busy perfecting the Pikachu doodle in your notebook. It's gonna be my first-ever masterpiece, even Jisung would be jealous.

But the moment he started singing, his voice cut through your focus then your eyes snapped towards him. Amazement widens your eyes, your mouth gapes in surprise as his voice - his sweet, angelic, and perfectly in-tuned voice - resonates through the whole room.

"When I see your face," he sang, as his eyes wander to the back of the room, "there's not a thing that I would change..."

"'Cuz you're amazing," his gaze met yours, then Civil War suddenly took place inside your stomach, "just the way you are."

The room fell silent, everyone still amazed and shocked. Your gazes are still locked, but you averted it as soon as the sound of Mr. Lee's handclaps broke through the silence, everyone then followed, some even whooping a little. But you're still dumbfounded because of what he did.

What the fuck was that, Woojin?

"But wait, I noticed you directing your gaze towards Chloe as you sang. It's for her, isn't it, Woojin?" Mr. Lee suggestively said, wiggling his brows at him playfully. Your classmates started to cheer loudly, whooping even louder, and a friend of Chloe yelled 'she's single, Woojin!' Woojin rubbed his back of his neck sheepishly, failing to answer because of his nervousness. You are kind of disappointed, but not surprised because new kids always pine up over Chloe - your school's very own It Girl. You thought Woojin would be an exception, but clearly, you are wrong.

Finally, Mr. Lee let Woojin take a seat then started lecturing. "I'm glad I discovered that hidden talent of yours," you whispered to him, nudging his side playfully with your elbow when he sat down.

"But I wasn't looking at Chloe. I swear." He whispered back, sending you a wink. It's not the Civil War that's happening anymore - it's actually the Endgame.

[kavurtz]

I like girls.

This mainly for me I can’t write this in my notes bc my mom checks it sooo yea. If you know me n you read this I don’t care lel

I think being gay ain’t a choice. As I grow I realize that shit isn’t I used to think it was and if you really wanted to if you were a girl you could just stop liking women or if your a dude you can stop liking a dude. As a child looking back I was fr in denial.

I like a girl on my bus. Her hair was naturally curly and she had a beautiful smile. She always wore cherry lipgloss and it made her face shine fr. She was kind..and always gave me a snack on the bus. She was a junior while I was a 7th grader.. and I know she was straight as a pole too. I thought about her a lot and uh well I would always tel myself why am I thinking of a girl gross. I suppressed feelings for girls through the whole year. If I saw a gay couple I would always tell myself to see that it’s disgusting and bad. Moving on into 8th grade year.

I was 14 and I invited a girl I liked to my birthday party! Her name was jada her skin glowed under the sunlight fr. Skin was smooth too and a nice dark chocolate. I really liked her personality she was super cool to talk to man and she was super funny I did everything with her. At the party you know my dumb self I can’t really hide if I like someone..maybe acting kinda flirtatious with movements and touchyness? Ion know lol. But my mom noticed. I was stare at jada just analyze her. That whole day felt everyone was moving in slow motion while I was going real time. After the party which was awesome btw my mom took me home..best birthday turned into the fucking worst one in 2 seconds

TRAMATIZING

I remeber this day vividly. Shit was traumatizing. My mom sat me down at the dinning table said that she wanted to talk. That’s never good so I just sat down in fear. She asked me “Do you like Jada” in denial I obviously told her no and said stupid shit like being gay is wrong and I could never like a girl that’s against the Bible! My mom didn’t believe one word of it though. She said “if I find out you are gay like women or ever want to be a man or whatever you will be kicked out of this house and we will never accept you you will be a disappointment to the whole family” I stomached that awfully. I ran to my room bro lmao and just cried the whole night. I told myself I can choose to not like girls so I just kept telling myself bro you like boys boys are cool girls are nasty you could never date a girl. I always had that in my mind and it ruined me forever. No like actually that shit fucked me up I started doing shit I was not supposed to do thinking I was going around my feelings bro. Anyways FAST FORAWRD TO 9th grade

9th grade was actually a hella good year for me no cap. I met some awesome freinds and even have a new click with them along with many others. But there’s this certain girl bro NOW NOW WAIT let me tell you sim bro my taste in girls completely like FLIPPED I used to clown girls who wore like stripped crop tops and vans and those like boot shoes irl that softgirl awesthetic look. Something like that. But now that’s the type of girls I like. Dorky girls that dress like that. I used to like girls that were “bad” wore the most on brand clothes like Nike and shit like there fit was nice as hell. Now don’t get me wrong I still love that fashion I just prefer the other one WAYYY more. Yoooo anyway. I’m in 9th grade in band and like there’s this girl she play the clarinet and like she has grey blue eyes her eyes pretty asab I don’t care. She’s a dork lol she is goofy and dances funny out of no where idk why she does that but she does lol. Now listen man I’m not a creep! But I would just stare at her sometimes at like games for football just stare at her idk why but I did I liked looking at her eyes a lot bc they were pretty THATS it. She found out i liked her tho idk who the hell either told her or if she found out by herself but uh ye I didn’t really care tho cuz I was like I can’t like girls anyway that’s gross ha ha ha bull shIT. Bru it was even worse cuz she had a whole ass girl bro I did not give a FUCK 😂😂 nahhh fast forward again. Her and her girlfreind like broke up like her girl broke up with her. And I remeber getting that text and I always joke around saying if that happened I would YESSSIRRR AYEEE LETSSS GOOO but I was actually upset. I was like bro what the hell? I got to school n like she was there crying. I would have comforted her more but I just kinda stood down and said I was sorry and that everything would be alright. Everytime I saw that girl I was mad at her giving her ugly looks man I was so mad 😂😂 but why was I feeling like this bro idk! I just was! I still kinda feel bad but everything happen for a reason man but uh let’s unpack that that girl was the actuall like ACTUALL first girl I liked her fashion personality and all that shit was perfect 😂 we still go to school together I’m in the 10th grade I don’t like her anymore tho but she is a good friend of mine

ALRIGHT this for me. Listen man! As of right now today you are confused lol. You don’t really know who you are and you still teynna figure it out and that’s ok! You like girls and that’s ok. Do you know why you like girls? Let’s give all the reasons..reason 1 because you can reason 2 because you can reason 3 BECAUSE YOU CAN! It’s just how you feel it sucks hc you really tried running away from that truth saying I can choose to not but guess what you always end up right back here 😂 liking another female 😂😂 damnnn bro I know parents ain’t accepting and that shit is tough but maybe one day ONE day they will come around I hope man they are so homophobic it’s scary literally can’t even sing a song without my dad being transphobic.. nah but fr didn’t god make us this way..? Wouldn’t he know this was gonna happen? God makes no mistakes and here I am he made me a female but I feel like a boy I ask god everyday what is going on and what do I do am I supposed to be feeling this way? I have not gotten my answer yet but don’t worry god will asnwer I don’t feel comfortable being a girl that’s why we always pretended to be someone else and that shit isn’t cool nor good for us. I’m happy to say we stopped doing that shit and that we finally trying to be ourselves we even changed our HAIR to look more masculine ahaha we look good now time for the fashion. Go shopping with freinds because you can only shop comfortably with them shopping with mom sucks bc she judge everything you pick and say it too boyish ugh I hate that saying like god damn. I wish I could wear polos and tuxes n shit I hate wearing dresses and skirts bro it’s awful! NAH BUT LOOK BRO WE WORKIN ON OURSELF YEEESSSIR ! I’m logging that shit everyday! IM NOT TRYNNA LOOK LIKE LIL TECCA BUT UHHH MY LEGS AINT IT I HATE THEM 😂 we gettin their tho it take time by the time I a junior i want people to see a change 😂 one last thing is never do sum you uncomfortable with. You stay doing that for other people and it’s trashy 😑 ok well I’m going it’s uh 11/19/20 sooo yeeee! See you in 2021 Kayden ! Check back wihh ty me with the date

Ok no more

[multifandomhoodies]

in the two minutes my brain was working i made this meme because i think it’s funny and while no one has told me to stop talking abt work i feel like this is lowkey accurate. 

this will probably be super annoying and basically a ramble but hey ! I dont care. rondo alla turca just came on and that’s incredibly accurate of my mind rn just that super fast part. anyways. im so sorry. 

hit that read more for the entire 2000+ word dissertation i wrote about work today.

so today was wild because fourth of july babey uh it didn’t start getting different until like,,,, 8 ish? mostly till then it was just regulars who are always in the park. i forgot my earmuffs so i couldn’t backpack blow when i wanted :c. nothing weird was in the bathrooms today! there was a lemonheads box in the women’s, but like,, that’s not very weird. i had several guests tell me that i was gonna have a rough day tomorrow w/ clean up and im like lol yeah Except i dont work tomorrow sorry tue-sat crew. love you. except fuck u danager. i had to get the cans along the beach and the guy that usually runs the beach comber wasn’t there so a different guy from the other park was doing it and he doesn’t run the beach comber v often and you could Tell. also this dude barely said anything to anyone except the one dude and honestly powermove. also he has Very long dreads. also this lady ? was laying like two feet away from where i had to backpack blow and she had the audacity to like, look at me? sorry lady its 8am the sun isnt even out stop sunbathing. anyways. i had to water the flowers i planted yesterday and after that it was breaktime (gang GANG) breaktime is like,, three hours after we start work but cleaning the bathrooms and backpack blowing and getting cans took forEVER. break was funny because it was just three of us in the breakroom and we were talking about the new manager who is. just a fucking asshole. he can choke. bitch. anyways. even tony doesnt like him and tony’s like so nice. i made a joke b4 we rolled out that liam could help me clean our part of the park and danager was like hey he can do that if you want to mulch and I thought it was mulching with HIm and I was like oh nO you thought hunty! i had to deal with your stupid ass yesterday! turns out it was just liam and tony and like honestly i would have done that that would have been super fun. and liam told me that he’d told tony about what happened yesterday with mulching. danager really called liam and i off of weedeating to mulch. at like, 1:30. we go on break at 2. he didnt care and was like oh you guys can just stay after and we’re like?? no?? unless we’re getting paid overtime and you dont have the power to make us do that? and liam today was like yeah if he does that shit again im leaving and tony and i agreed. im like ill walk home man. im leaving. tony said that even steve was getting pissed at him yesterday and steve’s a really chill dude. so collectively everyone’s like FUCk danager. and he came in from outside too and was like aight guys this is what we’re doing. hannah you should be able to weedwhip farther out away from your body. you hold the weedwhip too close and if you dont do that you can get a farther range. i kid you not the four of us that werent danager just started laughing. weedeaters (or weedw(h)ackers, or as ONLY danager says, weedwhips) arent very heavy. however. they do get heavy after a while, and they shake sometimes. a lot of times. We don’t get new equipment so it shakes. I’m hardly weak, but I’m also not strong enough to hold the weedeater like he said. so as soon as he said that i should be doing that everyone laughed. like i did too im like man you’re tripping. anyways. he left again, and so did two of the other guys again so it was just tony liam and i. kenny came back in and the three of us had been talking and when kenny opeend the door we all shifted so we could see who walked in, hoping it wasnt danager. kenny bust out laughing. “yall shoulda see your faces.” tony does a dramatic renactment of us all leaning forward to see who it is. oh it was great. tony liam and i were like in hysterics abt something (i think it was something rude abt danager i cant remember now). then we all headed out to do our danager assigned tasks. I went back to weedeating this one area. reminder that it IS the fourth of july, it’s like 9:30am and im weedeating this one part of the park. priorities? what are those. anyways so i do that. I see liam and tony leave to keep mulching. i keep weedeating. I did that and backpack blew the debris and then went over to the other part of the park to check cans. i checked cans again, had a super awkward situation with like 15 people near this sign. i tried to park my cart to check hte cans and EVERYONE STARED AT ME. like i know im wearing clothes specifcally chosen to be visible to cars and the public but the fuck you gotta stare at me for! anyways i got the cart and got the fuck outta there quick. I drove around more, some guy stopped me and said he thought there should be more speed limit signs. you’re right sir. drivers will see them and not care. i was checking trash in the one part of the park and i see tony and liam driving so i wave. by now it;s almost our lunch, its like 11:15. im going to check some cans that you like actually have to walk to, but i see tony driving towards me so i wait. they pull up, ask for the time. tony suggests we take a brisk walk to check the cans. we take a walk, but it’s not very fast. it’s very slow. we stopped to talk about dumb shit. liam’s apparently found a mink? on the pier? im so jealous? anyways yeah we wasted fifteen minutes looking at cans. we turn around and Danager’s walking towards us. tony grabs some trash off the ground immediately. danager doesnt even question it. he just tells us he wants someone to weedwhip or mow this one area, or at least be aware of it. tony and liam leave with dan, i head back to the shop. i hosed out the back of my cart cuz i got something FOUL in it. it may have been human poop. not sure. it was at least poop. lunch was more joking about danager. then danager came in and they started talking about muscle cramps. tony asked regular dan if he got cramps ever. dan shook his head. we dont think dan’s human. doesnt eat. doesnt SIT. only takes breaks because he’s legally required. jury is out. danager fucks off again. liam ate some of the ice cream. we chill until danager comes back in. then we leave. danager really told us to keep our weedwhips with us (also everytime liam or i say weedwhip mockingly we whip so i mean. yeah) and if we saw anything that needed weedeated to do it. ITS THE FOURTH OF JULY. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE PARK. tony apparently reached for his weedeater and some lady started cussing him out. something about how there’s people around and whatever (all true) and he’s like yeah sorry i was told to but yaknow what I just wont! because it’s a holiday no one wants to weedeat. so danager told us to go clean up driftwood from the beach and tony’s like oh some of it may be big yaknow ill go with you guys. completely an excuse not to do work. it was fine. we went down to the beach. got all ten pieces of wood that were there. and we did not take them back to the shop to be dealt with. no. we may or may not have taken the trashcan full of wood to the treeline and yeeted the driftwood into the treeline/woods. then we walked back up to our carts. and didnt get in them. the three of us stood around the carts for like twenty minutes just talking instead of working. who cares honestly. i dont. as long as it’s not a habit,,, we cool. somehow we started talking abt pot and liam’s like Oh yeah i’m pretty sure everyone here gets FUCKED up on that. and tony (who’s been here for a summer) was like. oh yeah for SURE. he’s like yaknow weed’s okay. not that interesting ppl overhype it. liams like yea never done it been overed it never done it and im like never been offered, never done it. a ranger rolled by and tony’s like yo what if the ranger rolled his window down and just a cloud of pot smoke rolled out and his eyes were just red. what would we do. and we all just like essentially shrug emojid and kept talking. tony came up with the great idea to move out of the full sun into some shade. we sat in the carts in the shade and talked more abt dumb shit. we decide to eventually move and check some other areas for trash. just to look busy and also get out of an area that had a lot of people and access for a cart. so we went over to another section of the park and got trash. I had two bags, and Tony’s just like yeah as long as they see trashbags in your cart no one’s gonna care what you’re doing. We went over near that part’s bathrooms and dan and even dan was like,,, i see yall are fuckin off and i dont hate that. we actually talked with dan for a bit too. then we walked over to this area where ppl throw beercans and ““““checked”““ for trash there. skipped rocks. made stupid comments about shit. we were over there for like twenty minutes. aaaaaaaaand Danager shows up. he tells tony to go water some plants in the front. it’s 1:30 at this point, tony’s gotta go load the water, haul it out to the front, water. liam and i followed him back to the carts. he got in his cart, looked around to make sure dan was gone and did the finger gun to head thing and drove off. liam and i immediately were like okay we gotta figure something out we’re staying the fuck out of danager’s way. so we go to another pier and start walking it, looking for trash. we did actually pick up trash. there was a lot. after like fifteen minutes we headed back to the shop to take our break at 2 and danager’s on his way out and he’s like oh! hey you guys can weedwhip around the building! or clean up around the dumpsters. do something. “No use standing around for twenty minutes”. okaaaaaaaaaaaaay man. so liam and i are like oh yeah of course we’ll find something to do. FUCK I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO BLOW THE GRASS IN THE DRIVEWAY FUCK FUCKIJ’DJ’FKJALKJFLAKJF goddamnit. deadass sorry for abrupt switch but im sitting in my house at 10:25pm realizing i didnt get the grass in the driveway. ugh whatever. ending my regrets and back to earlier. so as soon as danager drives his way and we get far enough away both of us are like YO FUCK THAT and im immediately like. 

i get as far as saying the first I from this and liam and I say the rest in unison. we share a braincell, i think. good job us. we’re both OVER IT. we throw our trashbags in the dumpster and grab pickers. we’re not sweating it but we grab some trash. i feel bad for tony cuz he’s out watering when it’s breaktime. liam says he probably wont be back till 2:25 when we have to clock out by 2:30. he wound up being right. a lot of shaking heads and muttering inbetween the four seasonals (minus dan) as soon as he was back. i clocked out and i told tony that he probably wont survive tomorrow with danager and that it was nice knowing him. tomorrow two of the techs will be back because they had today off. but it’s gonna be tony, the two techs, and danager. and possibly someone from the other park. not sure tho. like the BIGGEST oof because it’s gonna be a full day of trash cleanup and they’ve got danager there. and danager works the same shift as tony so anyday tony’s in, so it danager. the sat-thur crew got lucky. he told liam and i that on saturdays, the techs are out b/c weekends. it was just tony and someone from the other park and they’d. get the trash. trashbags and ground trash. and then fuck off in the breakroom. you can’t weedeat or cut on weekends. there’s not much to do if there’s not trash. they deadass would nap. and now they’re SCREWED because danager’s there. i’m so sad the one guy from the other park wasn’t there today. I can not WAIT to find out what he thinks of danager. fascinating. i almost worked tomorrow too, of my own request because I missed so much. but im sO Glad i didnt i do not want to spend anytime around danager that i dont have to. he fucking sucks. anyways. working my first ever fourth of july was,,, eventful. it mostly consisted of trying to avoid danager and kicking it with liam and tony. and that’s stellar. I really like both of them. i love my fucking coworkers. except danager. fuck you. also! no one offered us food :( apparently there is usually good food ppl offer to you and :( :( i didnt get food. oh today at work was wild. im so sorry for this post. it’s a hefty one. is this the longest post i’ve ever made on tumblr? yes. if you made it this far good job. I saw two REALly great dogs. the one looked like a bear. the other was a gsd. good job. god i love this job. 

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 7 Confessionals

So we're having a reward challenge so I guess no reward. Are we merging at F9?? Its still 7-3 right now and it can be 7-2 soon. If its 7-2 in the merge then if my alliance of me/Zach/Charlotte/Carson stick together we'd only need one more number and we could get to F4. Thats wishful thinking that we all stay together tho.

of course i flop the slide puzzle and lose us reward god.. just imagine like.. that scene of michele going out into the ocean and being emo from kaoh rong and earning character development about being competitive and debbie saying she might drown herself . thats me right now. yeah thats all i am angry kinda not rlly

Ugh I wish I hadn't done the reward challenge because I can't help with immunity. I thought that since 4 people sat from reward and the usual rule is if you sit you have to play in the next one, that the rule would be over since all 4 can't play. But I was wrong so rip, I think I'm pretty good at this one too b/c I used to do fun listing games when I was younger. Here's hoping we can avoid tribal!

I would've much preferred the live challenge to this one. I'm a mess and will get something for every letter except for like 1 and have a panic attack and freak out. Pissed.

I'M SO FRUSTRATED BECAUSE WE FINALLY WON REWARD AND I GOT A TASK FROM THE WISHING WELL BUT IT COULDN'T HAVE COME AT A WORSE TIME. There are literally 3 of us left, throwing the immunity and scoring the least points could mean that we lose and I don't want to be the reason we lose when there are three of us left. DID I MENTION THAT THERE ARE 3 OF US LEFT?! I decided to prioritise doing well in immunity over getting the reward from The Wishing Well because I just need to be safe and move on from this round and hopefully get to a merge. 

Can you believe that Ulta won AGAIN? We keep doing that. Honestly, we're icons. 7-2 going into a potential merge... let's just let that sink in. 

Jordan Pines' ego is so large, it's actually consumed the rest of the Copa tribe. 

Well fuck me this may be the end of Jordan Pines. I am going to do all I can to stay but there is a high chance i could be going home tonight. Dear god lets see what happens.

I will make two quick ones since i've been busy the past few days. So going into immunity, i'm nervous. Bryce/Carson/Myself can't play, and originally it was supposed to be a live competition and us 3 are the most active. I literally messaged Carson being like "so who we votin'" DASKF. I think i'm funny idk it's just some quirk oWo Fortunately, the competition changed to list it up. The comp seems fun, and overall I think it'd be easier than the L# type setup competition. It doesn't require much activity or anything, just to be on whenever you are and schedule it! So, i'm hoping for the best ^-^ Zach~post immunity results~ I don't recognize names of our tribes, so I (like Carson) read "Copa, you have tribal tomorrow with me" and my heart dropped. I read the 9:03 to 9:00 and I was like... oh my dog.... are you SERIOUS. HOWEVER, WE WON IMMUNITY! BY THREE FRICKEN SECONDS! THAT IS ICONIC I'm really blessed to have been granted safety till merge (assuming it's merge, something has to happen AJFSKDG they wouldn't do 2v7 into an immunity challenge). That being said, I may potentially be an early merge boot. During merge, I plan on working with returnees and giving Jay/whoever else lives hopefully luke a chance. But, we'll see. If they talk to me, i'm down with it because i'm always open for opportunities. In addition, if I just stuck with OG Ulta......... it'd be boring. I'm not sure, overall though. I really like Willow too, and Chris/Katie are fine. UGH. I like this cast so much it's so stressful even THINKING about voting lowkey. Nonetheless, soon it's gonna be time to play.

Im really pulling for luke to stay cuz i wanna have that idol connection after the merge but maybe it would put less of a threat on my back for him to be gone :/ idk  ahhhhh. Lets see what they do

I don't have much to report besides the fact that I'm glad we won and that Carson and Zach are great 

Also Katie and Bryce are cool too 

OH DEAR GOD I THINK I DID IT. LUKE JUST TOLD ME HE IS VOTING JAY OUT. HOLY SHIT THANK THE LORD IN HEAVEN I MIGHT STILL BE HERE TOMORROW. FUCK YOU RYAN TEDDY PALMER AND YOUR DUMB ASS NO TRIBE SWAP NO MERGE GAME.

Update: I'm voting out Jay and not Jordan Pines! Jordan is so good at whispering sweet nothings into my ear and making me keep him but I'm still very weary of him. My thought process is that he's a bigger target than me and could act as my meat shield so that I slip by pretty easily. I think that with the current Ulta tribe it's going to be difficult but I think I can work this out. 

winning immunity challenges from the outside looking in is awesome!! no need to scramble or strategy talk. great, right? yeah, no. i know where NO ONE stands. nobody talks strategy bc we dont have to go to tribal. id prefer this to losing every single one, but id like to lose a BIT. but ill just sit here with my idol and enjoy the immunity while it lasts, bc ik this will get cutthroat at merge

wow 3 seconds that so cool.

jordan pines will be pre merge boot hahahahha

Who says you can't get no satisfaction? Whoever it was clearly isn't me in this game. Not only did my tribe win immunity again, I personally beat Jordan pines in a mutual portion of the challenge. Victory really does taste sweet. AND we finally merged. 7-2 numbers advantage. Does that mean that ulta is gonna stay together? I guess we'll see! I may use these two stragglers to get rid of some people that I feel like may not want me around much longer.