#dan.posts

[big-boah]

Autistic Thing of the day:

Autistic Catatonia 😵

I made a TikTok on this too with the same info (link here!)

I wanted to talk about autistic catatonia, which isn’t something I’d heard about until I researched it on my own. When I brought it up to my doctor, she said it made perfect sense.

Autistic catatonia affects, at minimum, about ten percent of autistic people. And the best way I can describe it is “getting stuck.”

I’ve dealt with this my entire life, I plan to do something, or respond to someone, and my mind goes blank and I just can’t move. If I fight it, my anxiety goes through the roof. I can’t talk or respond, only maybe stim a little or communicate using eye contact or eye gaze. For me, it can last anywhere from a few seconds to several hours.

Unfortunately, my bodily functions still continue when I’m stuck, so I have to be guided to the bathroom, need help in the shower, and kept out of harm’s way. My partner and I both have ADHD and have a similar thing happen but can still kind of move even if it's difficult, but that’s more executive dysfunction.

This is also a little different than derealization and depersonalization in that most people still feel entirely like themselves when these episodes happen, your inside mentality is the same. I can carry on commentary in my head during these episodes and I feel like I'm myself, just stuck.

Being catatonic is almost like every cell in my body is frozen in time. I know what’s going on around me, but my brain just can’t make that connection and that spark of purposeful movement doesn’t make it outside of my own mind. I wish there was a better way to explain it.

A lot of autistic people experience this differently. Some people have this and believe it's a shutdown (which is a little different because in shutdowns usually you can communicate.)

People with mild catatonia may feel like they've "gone nonverbal" and also feel physically stuck, although others can assist you to move if needed.

A lot of people have this experience when they're frightened of experiencing high levels of overstimulation. I've always said it's like my brain pressed pause on my life, because I wouldn't.

If you know someone who goes through something like this, make sure they stay safe, hydrated, and make sure to check in on them even if they don't respond. I like when my partner acts like nothing’s up, he will just hang out with me there. Some people like touch when they get stuck while others don’t. This can happen no matter what your support need level is in general. This actually happens often enough where it increases my support need level, I need to be supervised anyway. 😅

Once I realized this was a feature of my autism, I was able to come up with a plan with my loved ones because it happens about 2-3 times a week. Ever since I started taking ADHD meds it happens less, and research has found that benzo medications can actually prevent this from happening and help the episodes. Research needs to catch up to the rest of us on this one!

But if you experience this or periods of hyperactivity where you also feel like you can't interact with others on your own command, it may be autistic catatonia.

Hopefully this helps someone! 🤟🏻

[big-boah-2]

I love Arthur's cowboy accent. "Shore" instead of "sure", "fee-yesh" instead of "fish".

[saiyan-druid-art]

The next chapter of AMJ is drafted and it's 7k words long...sORRY in advance. 😂

It's the turning point for the story, and my amazing beta reader/alpha friend & I are making sure it comes across how i imagine 🥰 We're shooting for next weekend but it might be later, we'll see!

Thank you for being patient those who are reading along 🥹 Seriously, you guys are so supportive and it allows me to pick up writing after extended periods of time and not feel like people are losing interest or that I'm letting anyone down, which is a hurdle of getting back in the saddle 💙

[dean-winchesters-adhd]

I was thinking about the Writer's Strike, and the inevitability of AI "assistance" in media/movies/shows/news because companies only make decisions if the outcome is "save money, make money" that's literally the point.

And I was thinking about how AI is at the moment and how it really can only create cookie-cutter storylines...then I realized that modern mass media and big networks only APPROVE cookie-cutter storylines anyway.

The Writer's Strike is an amazing thing! No one should be abused by their corporate overlords who unfortunately pay all of our paychecks.

And I think now is a good time for all artists to start forming more of a close-knit independent community and promoting each others' homegrown art/writing/media as much as possible. INDIE is where it's at.

Let's give the middle finger to big networks by not giving any of their cheap bullshit any attention, NOT EVEN HATE-WATCHING, and lets continue to do what we do so well on there. Supporting fellow writers and artists on a large-scale community level.

[foxydunsparce]

I told him about how I had a dream about my boss last night and he was like "you dream about people from work?" And I was like "yeah I dream about these fuckers a lot, like go away" and he has the audacity to go "well I was at your store for those few months...." yeah you sure were, buddy. So I told him I had a dream that we were eating pie once. That's all he's getting out of me.

[big-boah]

He thinks he's in a 90's photoshoot:

[big-boah]

Wait a minute.

It is HE:

[big-boah-2]

My 2023 disability pride month story:

I just remembered that in college:

1. Our friend group was Notorious (group of visibly disabled folks who were kind of obnoxious but most of it was yelling and my laughter) (like people didn't want to sit near us in the student union)

2. We had a group chat with like the 12 main people and when one of us felt lonely, or was being given crap by our parents (most of us lived with our parents because disabilities) they would text the group our code word "LFGRN" (let's fucking go right now) and our twin low support needs autistic guys would pick up/rescue as many of us as they could in their shared clown car of a Chevy Cruze, doing multiple trips sometimes, lugging wheelchairs and walkers, and bring us to their dad's duplex where they were renting the one side with their money from the ice cream parlor they both worked at.

And we would party.

3. Eventually people from school got wind of our LFGRNs because we would post our inside jokes on Twitter. But now people wanted to come to our LFGRNs without knowing what it was for. It became this weird exclusive thing?? But it was college and the group grew twice its size and even started dating within the group. The only requirement was you had to be able to tolerate us lmao

4. (All of us hung out in separate rooms of the duplex during these parties btw. We would spend 2 hours all together and I would need a break.) So one day like a year later we actually did an open house party. 200 people showed up and the neighbors called the cops. (The dad was home and aware of all of this. He drank a lot) But!!! Those of us who were visibly disabled, luckily, got out of it unscathed even though we were underage like 18-19.

5. The cops had lined up, the ones who literally couldn't run away. I was having a meltdown, the twin autistic guys were clammed up, and the dad was acting like he didn't know this was happening?? Betrayal. Okay so the guy I was dating at the time had CP, and he spat on the cop's shoe (it was a good one) while we were being questioned/yelled at and the cops were like "fuuuuck this" LITERALLY threw up their hands like grossed out babies and told their dad to watch his kids, and left.

6. This happened 2 more times before the group disbanded. I now realize that's just what having a friend group is like, but none of us had ever been part of something like that before, some of us since.

Moral of the story: If you're disabled and you can, get yourself some other disabled friends who understand you (virtually or IRL) it's so good for your mental health

[big-boah]

I've officially been in the Red Dead fandom for one year, where's my cake???

[big-boah]

This is the kind of BS that makes me cringe.

STOP MAKING PARENTS THINK THEY CAN "CURE" THEIR KID'S AUTISM. Stop it.

(Image ID in alt text)

I have high support needs and went from an abusive/neglectful environment to a very supportive one about 10 years ago.

But did my autism change? No. Did my "challenging traits" change? NO. Actually that's a lie. They got "worse". More visible. Louder. Less speech, more AAC. More big stimming. It was because:

- I got older.

- New meds/changing medical challenges.

- I felt more comfortable expressing myself in my preferred style and I gave less fucks about what others thought of me.

- I became MORE COMFORTABLE in general.

This is the kind of shit we need to rally against. This is also why it's especially important to uplift voices of folks with higher support needs. We need to inform these "professionals" that, no, this isn't something that "goes away".

Seeing someone heal from environmental distress/trauma doesn't magically mean they're "cured" or even "getting better", it does not make "challenging traits" any LESS of a challenge for the AUTISTIC PERSON.

(And you know, eventually they need to update the diagnostic criteria to not just be based on little white boy science. Especially if it affects like 1-5% of the world population but that's a story for another day)

[big-boah]

The reason I like Tumblr so much and spend all my social media time hanging out here is because the moment I log into Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or any other webbed site, it's just this:

But I log on here and it's like this:

And sometimes this:

[big-boah-2]

RDR2 thoughts of the day:

I wish we would've gotten a sober follow-up scene between Arthur and Tommy. I know during A Quiet Time they want us to see it from Arthur's perspective, numb to his actions, and to get gold on the mission you have to "make amends with an old rival" and talk to Tommy - who has a TBI, aphasia, and is using echolalia when you interact with him because Arthur bashed his skull in.

Idk I think there could've been a good quick stranger mission with a conversation, even a 5-line exchange, about consequences & lifelong disability vs terminal illness there. Tommy was a racist POS don't get me wrong, and he threw Arthur through a window which should've fucked him up. But for how much the people of Valentine talk about him, and how he has to live with what Arthur did to him and he can't ever work again, I feel like it would've made an impactful chapter 6 thing.

[big-boah-2]

Having urges again to write the self projecting semiverbal autistic Arthur canon compliant-ish AU like I did for spn and dbz. Grr I have other stuff I'm working on but this idea has been roasting over the dumpster fire that is my brain for like 3 months 😅😅

[big-boah-2]

My hard work paid off today and it feels so good!!!

SoOOOoooo I passed a certification exam for my job that I studied hard for, and this particular series of certification exams is notoriously difficult in the tech world.

And, if everything checks out in my blood work I'll be starting T again next week...with no needles! (I had to take a break to get some health stuff under control and I've been working hard at it!)

I'm gonna feel so fucking good again!! I went from a stick figure body-wise to a BEAR CUB 🐻 and back to a stick after T, which has been MISERABLE. I can't keep weight to save my life because of my meds although I love food 😭 but T allows me to gain weight! I can't fucking wait to feel like myself again.

Oh yeah and I'm turning 30 this weekend 🎉 🤠

[big-boah-2]

Man...creative studios and fandom are so funny when they're like "Why do you have to make everything GAY??" because you're too much of a little baby bitch, that's why!

[big-boah-2]

We're going to BLACK HILLS REDEMPTION NEXT YEAR 🤠😁 I'll be cosplaying big boah Arthur!! I'm so pumped and also nervous but mostly excited fjdjshwjshsh