breathe easier
prompt: seeing double, working to exhaustion, "you look awful"
whumpee: sakari nurmi
fandom: karppi/deadwind
hiii managed to get all three in here today! hope you like it :)
It has been several days since he’s had a proper night’s sleep. He finds himself continually jolting awake every time he finally closes his eyes, and these interrupted fractions of rest make him more tired than simply not trying to sleep at all.
It’s this case. He knows that. A husband and wife have been killed, and opinions in the department range from a double murder on one hand to a murder-suicide on the other.
Sofia believes it’s murder-suicide. She keeps looking at him, has been doing it all week, like she thinks she’s being sneaky about it. He wonders why she doesn’t say anything. He’s sure she wants to.
He himself hasn’t given his opinion. He does not want to - cannot let himself - be wrong. And so he’s poured all of his energy into the investigation, sacrificing his bed for his desk chair and ingesting truly horrific amounts of espresso in pursuit of the truth.
It is Thursday morning, and he has been working for twenty-four hours straight. Not officially, of course, but still. It’s around the time when the early birds start trickling into the building.
Sakari heads for the bathroom, splashes some water on his face, fixes his hair, then steps into the hallway amidst several of his coworkers as though he, too, has just arrived.
He makes himself a cup of espresso. His hands shake, just a little. He ignores them. He’s exhausted, but at the same time the arrival of morning, of other people, has given him some energy.
He sits down at his desk, sets down the espresso, and opens the file he’d been looking at a few minutes before. He thinks it might be the key, but he’s only halfway through it and cannot be sure. He needs to be sure.
Sofia arrives a few minutes past the hour. She says good morning to him, snatches the espresso off of his desk, and sits at her own desk, folding her legs into the chair.
Sakari looks at her. Part of him wants to laugh and part of him wants to shout. She holds the cup out to him, raises her eyebrows.
He stands to retrieve it, and suddenly his vision blurs and doubles. He grabs onto the edge of his desk and sinks back into his chair, shutting his eyes. Fuck, he’s dizzy.
“Nurmi?”
He opens his eyes and looks up at Sofia, or rather, at the pair of Sofias standing over him. He quickly shuts his eyes again.
Her hand is on his shoulder, then her cold fingers touch his cheek.
“You look awful.”
He cracks one eye open. “Thanks.”
“I mean it. Are you sick? You don’t feel warm.”
He shakes his head. “I’m fine.”
“Bullshit.”
“Can we not talk about this?”
“You mean, about whatever’s wrong with you?”
He opens his eyes and there is only one of Sofia. “Nothing’s wrong with me.”
Sofia opens her mouth to say something else, and Sakari can’t - he can’t.
He stands up, pushing past her and resolutely ignoring the way his head spins and his vision once again goes to shit. He’s fine, and he’s going somewhere else. Somewhere she isn’t.
He finds himself on the break room couch, elbows resting on his knees, head buried in his hands. He feels like absolute shit. The lack of sleep has finally caught up with him, not to mention the guilt steadily building at how he’d treated Sofia. She’d been trying to help. He just - he isn’t used to that, doesn’t like it. But that’s hardly her fault.
He should apologize. Explain himself. But he’s so tired, and the thought of standing up again seems all but impossible.
He doesn’t have to stand up. Perhaps ten minutes pass, and then Sofia is standing in front of him with her arms crossed. He cannot read the expression on her face.
“I’m sorry,” he says, before she can say anything.
She blinks. “Okay. What’s going on with you? It’ll be better if you tell me.”
He shrugs, takes a breath. “I haven’t been sleeping. I just can’t.”
Sofia sits beside him. “Because of the case?”
He nods, not looking at her. “I have to - we have to find out what exactly happened.”
“Yes.”
“And I have to, be sure. Really sure.”
“Okay," she replies, and that is that.
He feels a little lighter for having told her. Like some of the weight has been removed from his shoulders.
“I need to sleep.”
“But you can’t?”
He shakes his head. “I keep thinking.”
“Couldn’t you at least lie down?”
He shrugs. “I guess. But I keep getting back up.”
“Hm.”
It’s a problem. He does not see any way to solve it, except to solve their case. But he cannot go on like this for much longer, and the investigation still has a long way to go.
“Would it be better if someone was with you?” Sofia asks.
“I don’t know.”
“Do you want to try something?”
“Okay.”
Sofia gets up. He thinks she means for him to follow her, but when he attempts to stand she shakes her head. “Just a second.”
He leans back against the cushions and waits.
Sofia returns after a few minutes with her box of files and laptop, sitting beside him again. “I’ll work here, and you can rest. Then, you know someone is still looking at the case.”
He nods. This is okay. He trusts Sofia, knows how dedicated she is. Anything he’d be able to do with those files, he’s sure she’s just as capable of. It’ll be fine if he doesn’t work for a short while. It’ll be fine.
He folds himself up on the couch and closes his eyes. He doesn’t sleep, exactly, but he lies there and listens to the keys clacking, feels Sofia’s hand absentmindedly play with his hair, and breathes a little easier.
thanks for reading!!!! love u all <3
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