#dementia tw

[dreamidoodles]

pile of angst n misc.

twit. 03.02.22. + twit. 03.03.22. + twit. 03.18.22.

[ultfan]

HOW TO WORK WITH KOMAEDA.

given komaeda's dementia it is essentially impossible to convince him of something that goes against what he believes. because of that it can also be very difficult to convince him to do things he doesn't want to do either. even if it's something that is objectively good for him. so here are some little notes on what komaeda would be receptive and unreceptive to in most circumstances. obviously this doesn't have to have any impact on how your muse interacts with him. 90% of people probably won't even know he has dementia so they probably wouldn't know how to deal with it regardless. and the people that do know are probably pretty uneducated on the topic— and maybe a bit unwilling to learn given... everything. komaeda may be aware of his diagnosis but he isn't always aware of how it effects him. and in a world where he lives through sdr2 he is likely to start forgetting FTD is something he is something that effects him/that he's diagnosed with as time passes.

DON'T:

tell him he's wrong/insane/crazy. at the end of the day he just won't believe that. he'll think your ignorant or a fool or you just don't get it. if he's not very critical of the person talking to him he will probably feel a bit dejected about being misunderstood.

try to use logic with him. if you try to explain why what he is doing/saying is inappropriate— or scold him— he will either double down or apologize without realizing why he's being scolded. it will not change the behavior. he will be back doing it pretty soon after. he is quite literally incapable of comprehending what it is that is inappropriate or how it is inappropriate. the only thing he will understand is that you are upset with him/trying to control his behavior. which may upset him, sadden him, or make him trust you less. (NOTE: when komaeda apologizes for something most of the time he is doing it because he knows "someone is upset with me so i should apologize and maybe act more compliant." it is not because he's actually sorry. he just knows that's what he should do in order to pacify them).

use questions to get him to do things he is adverse to. for example: "komaeda, don't you want to try eating something healthier?" / "komaeda don't you think you should take a shower?" — giving him the option to say no to something he doesn't want to do is just going to have him brush the requests aside. of course this doesn't apply for everything, just stuff he is already pushing back against or avoiding.

force him to do things he is adverse to. while komaeda is not someone who physically fights back against things (if you try to forcibly drag him or restrain him for some reason) it will make him irritated, cause you to lose his trust, and possibly make him panic depending on what it is you're trying to make him do. while you can sometimes get him to come do things willingly by getting upset/lashing out at him, this harkens back to his behavior with apologies. he will still be cross with you even if he acts like it's okay because he will feel like you've taken away his agency. his low self worth makes him slightly more willing to give it up if you're harsh with him, but just because he thinks it's "only natural" he's treated that way doesn't mean it won't be upsetting.

DO:

be patient with him. komaeda is someone who could really use someone to take the time to sit down and tolerate him. he is extremely difficult to deal with so it's important to actually put in the time and effort to understand him.

try to speak his language. he won't listen to your logic or reason— he has his own way of thinking about things that will not budge. so if you want him to comply with you it's better to actually go along with his delusions rather than reject him. tell him you're doing something to combat despair— or that his actions will be a stepping stone for your hope. it's natural instinct to want to try to steer komaeda away from these mindsets, as they fuel his self worth issues and tend to be harmful. but because it's something he isn't capable of changing his mind on it is better to twist his words and beliefs into things that benefit him. take him on a walk for the sake of hope, run errands with him and tell him it will keep you from falling into despair. he'll be happy to comply 90% of the time.

redirect his negative behaviors. if he is being rude or seemingly harmful it is better to try to move him on to a different task rather than indulge it by trying to reason with him/scold him. if you're pulling him away from causing problems for another party explain the deal to them so it doesn't cause more damage than necessary and so that they might know how to tackle things in the future. komaeda being an asshole to some reserve course student? let him know that you need help practicing your talent or something and have him move onto something less harmful. knowing him he'll probably switch back over into being his pleasant, smiley self pretty quickly.

invite him to do things he is adverse to doing on his own. tell him to do something with you rather than asking if he wants to do something, like in the don't section. for example: "komaeda we're having salad tonight, let's go eat." / "hey komaeda i'm gonna go rinse off you should come with me." — it's a subtle difference but it does help. if he is still being difficult you can refer back to speaking his language and trying to basically trick him into doing stuff he should be doing for his own good.

as a final note here i do think that junko is someone who kinda knew how to speak komaeda's language here, getting him into ultimate despair by using his ideas of how hope grows stronger by overcoming despair. in my personal headcanons i've imagined matsuda helping komaeda with his dementia and/or researching his brain, which would be a perfect gateway for junko to know of his disease along with the odd behaviors that come with it.

[afiananvandot]

[jeweledstone]

Milwaukee Protocol Day 3 G1 drawing thing is done! I took a bit of creative liberty with this one, but hopefully it turned out good! :)

Day 1A

Day 1B

Day 1 Back

Day 2C

Day 2D

Day 2 Back

Day 3 E1-E2

Day 3 E3-E4

Day 3 F1

Day 3 F2

Day 3 F2 (Sedation)

Day 3 G1 (you are here!)

Day 4 H1

Day 4 I1

Day 4 J1

Day 4 K1SA (TBA)

Day 4 K1SB (TBA)

Day 4 Recovery (TBA)

Click here to learn more about the Rabies virus and how to prevent it: https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/rabies

Click here to donate to the Fisher Center for Alzheimer’s Research Foundation and learn more about Alzheimer’s and dementia:

[vandcrlylecrybaby]

i still owe money...

name: deryn christine adler

nickname: dare, little bird

pronouns/gender: she/her, cis woman

sexuality: bisexual (preference for women)

birthday: august 2

zodiac sign: leo ☉ | aquarius ☽ | gemini➶  

residence: queens

employment: bartender

mbti: ENTJ

enneagram: type 8w7

moral alignment: chaotic neutral

... to they money i owe

TL;DR:

trigger warnings: death, parental death, dementia, infidelity, alcoholism

deryn adler is the only child of two high school sweethearts. her dad was a middle school principal, and her mom ran this little apothecary shop in brooklyn, which is where deryn spent every second of every day she was allowed to.

when deryn was about ten years old, her mom started to act strange – erratic and forgetful, and occasionally more cruel than anyone who had ever known her thought she was capable of being. no one thought too much of it until she accidentally burned down the apothecary shop and couldn't explain what had happened. they took her to the doctor to find out that at the age of 32, she had early onset dementia. deterioration was pretty fast after that. by the time she died six years later, she had stopped remembering the strangers in her house.

toward the end, deryn's dad started to see someone else. it was, for all intents and purposes, an affair. to deryn, it was the final sign that he gave up on her mom. she still hasn't worked her way to forgiveness for that final betrayal.

she started acting out, and her dad assumed she would grow out of it. she didn't. she's spent the better part of two decades years making her best run at running her own life into the ground.

deryn is currently in the phase of regretting wasting a lot of time being angry at everyone and no one at all. she's coming around to the idea of digging herself out of the hole she turned her life into for the better part of two decades.

she drinks more than she wants to and always more than she intended. she started to humor the idea that she might have a problem sometime in the last year, but she's done nothing about it.

very much a ‘just go with it’ kind of person, even if ‘just going with it’ kind of makes her the architect of her own destruction? big fan of blaming the universe for her problems, even if it’s almost always a three-step trace back to ‘the consequences of her own actions.’

she's a loyal friend, though she doesn't always go about it in the right way. deryn has a strong propensity for making things worse when she tries to help. she burns far more bridges than she builds.

i never thought about love...

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

my life for a ride or die friendship 

equally so for someone who she used to be friends with but they had a fallout

drinking buddies

former friends (would really love someone who got sick of her generally high level of bullshit)

former coworkers (she has worked? kind of everywhere and was equally terrible at them all)

exes/flings

an almost something that felt serious and one/both of them freaked and now it’s super weird

... when i thought about home

ESTABLISHED CONNECTIONS:

tbd

VIBES:

pinterest | playlist

[loyalhorror]

oh yeah i did watch my papa slowly deteriorate from dementia and die, didn't i

i always forget about that. what a blip on the trauma radar.

[rxtroskull]

//Okay, i’m going to be completely and openly honest about where the hell I have been for the past few months and why I haven’t been posting very frequently on tumblr.

I urge you to scroll away if you do not want to read, this is just me explaining my situation and why I have been inactive

Sorry for not explaining anything sooner but, my personal business is my personal business, and I choose whether or not to disclose it. I ask for no sympathy or condolences, but for patience and understanding for as so why I have been sporadic.

Trigger warning for mentions of death, dementia, and mentions of car accidents

My uncle and my nana both consecutively died in 2023 when I had started the fall semester. My nana having died in october, and my uncle having died in december, the day before christmas eve.

I was an absolute wreck when my Nana had passed away and when I found out I literally couldn’t function normally for weeks. On top of my Nana’s funeral I was also swamped with my fall semester’s finals. All but three of my teachers were not very understanding about me missing homework assignments due to my grief, I couldn’t even focus on mourning my Nana Agan because I had several things due and I couldn’t be caught slacking.

When winter break rolled around I thought I would be able to catch a break and work on writing to distract myself more (I was already trying to distract myself by talking to my discord friends and writing through there) but on december 23rd, my mother recieved news that my uncle, who had very recently gotten into a hit and run accident and got diagnosed with late stage dementia, died. In the time leading up to his death me and my family were being run ragged trying to take care of him. I had to learn to lock my doors at night due to the fact he would randomly barge in thinking me and my brother’s rooms were the bathroom or his room, and even before winter break and my big move-out in august, I’ve had to be wary in case my uncle decided to wake up in the middle of the night and refuse to go back to bed. My cousin (his son) had finally gotten him to a nursing home after my family had been driven absolutely insane, and not even a couple days after he was admitted, he died.

I couldn’t even cry at his funeral, that’s how spent I was after everything. I still tried to remain positive, tried to remain active, but everything kind of just fell by the wayside and I only remained active on the discords I frequented.

And now i’m here, in the last semester of my freshman year, acrambling to finish my spring finals with 29k in student loan debt with only a few things posted to my other blogs to prove that I’m not dead. It’s been a rough several months, but things are starting to get better. I’m trying to heal and get better so I can work on the things I love, so hopefully at least by May or June i’ll be able to come back here without many issues.

Thank you for sticking around, I love you guys, and I’ll be okay, I promise.

Be safe everyone.

[vanderlylecrybcby]

i still owe money...

name: deryn christine adler

nickname: dare, little bird

pronouns/gender: she/her, cis woman

sexuality: bisexual (preference for women)

birthday: august 2

zodiac sign: leo ☉ | aquarius ☽ | gemini➶  

residence: south hills

employment: bartender at tric/ part-time cashier at nash's

mbti: ENTJ

enneagram: type 8w7

moral alignment: chaotic neutral

... to they money i owe

TL;DR:

trigger warnings: death, parental death, dementia, infidelity, alcoholism

deryn adler is the only child of two high school sweethearts. her dad was a middle school principal, and her mom ran this little apothecary shop in downtown, which is where deryn spent every second of every day she was allowed to.

when deryn was about ten years old, her mom started to act strange – erratic and forgetful, and occasionally more cruel than anyone who had ever known her thought she was capable of being. no one thought too much of it until she accidentally burned down the apothecary shop and couldn't explain what had happened. they took her to the doctor to find out that at the age of 32, she had early onset dementia. deterioration was pretty fast after that. by the time she died six years later, she had stopped remembering the strangers in her house.

toward the end, deryn's dad started to see someone else. it was, for all intents and purposes, an affair. to deryn, it was the final sign that he gave up on her mom. she still hasn't worked her way to forgiveness for that final betrayal.

she started acting out, and her dad assumed she would grow out of it. she didn't. she's spent the better part of two decades years making her best run at running her own life into the ground.

deryn is currently in the phase of regretting wasting a lot of time being angry at everyone and no one at all. she's coming around to the idea of digging herself out of the hole she turned her life into for the better part of two decades.

she drinks more than she wants to and always more than she intended. she started to humor the idea that she might have a problem sometime in the last year, but she's done nothing about it.

very much a ‘just go with it’ kind of person, even if ‘just going with it’ kind of makes her the architect of her own destruction? big fan of blaming the universe for her problems, even if it’s almost always a three-step trace back to ‘the consequences of her own actions.’

she's a loyal friend, though she doesn't always go about it in the right way. deryn has a strong propensity for making things worse when she tries to help. she burns far more bridges than she builds.

i never thought about love...

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

my life for a ride or die friendship 

equally so for someone who she used to be friends with but they had a fallout

drinking buddies

former friends (would really love someone who got sick of her generally high level of bullshit)

former coworkers (she has worked? kind of everywhere and was equally terrible at them all)

exes/flings

an almost something that felt serious and one/both of them freaked and now it’s super weird

... when i thought about home

ESTABLISHED CONNECTIONS:

tbd

VIBES:

pinterest | playlist

[positivelybeastly]

Do you ever wake up from a nightmare and look around horrified at the fact that you have to continue your life as if you didn't just live through a week of the apocalypse in 1 night watching everyone around you die and feel every sliver of safety you didn't even know you had slip away along with humanity?

". . . That's quite the hypothetical question. One might even call it pointed, or leading, rather than hypothetical. But, no. No, I haven't ever had that particular 'nightmare,' I'm rather pleased to report."

"It's funny you should say that. I. Once, rather foolishly, took a hit of what's euphemistically described as liquid memory. A curated trip through a person's neurological engrams, time shifted so as to be digestible to the mind in a matter of minutes - months, years, decades, however long you want them to experience.

Horribly efficient. And I . . . was stupid enough to take the liquid memories of a man from a world gone mad. Stupid. Very, very, very stupid decision.

But, yes. Yes, I know what that feels like."

"I - well. There have been times where I've activated the time cube, and switched it to passive perception mode. No active bridging of timelines, just a quick look. Curiosity. And - some of the things I've seen were . . ."

"Enough to make it so I didn't want to ever sleep again. Does that answer your question?"

[aresenics]

     ☼    ☾      (      angelina    jolie  ,  fifty    -    five    ,  she    /    they  ,  demiwoman  ,  markov  2      )    -    have  you  seen  OKSANA  MARKOV  ?    we’ve  heard  through  the  grapevine  that  they’re  COGENT  but  also  RECALCITRANT.  when  you  think  of  them  ,  you  think  of  a  teardrop  falling  from  the  eyes  of   graveyard  angels    ;    unsure  if  tis  the  rain  or  if  they've  come  alive,  branches  creaking  and  scratching  against  palace  windows,  and  watching  a  lone  coyote  pass  by  on  the  road.

DOWAGER  DUCHESS  OF  MOSCOW  (  RUSSIA  )  .

mentions  cw:  witchcraft ,  domestic  violence  ,  child  abuse  ,  death  ,  dementia  .

*̲    ⋅   𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒔  :

FULL  NAME:  oksana  dimitria  markov  .

NICKNAME(S):  oksa   .

AGE:  fifty  -  five  .

GENDER  IDENTITY:  demiwoman  .

PRONOUNS:  she  /  her  &  they  /  them   .

ORIENTATION:  demi  -  bisexual  &  biromantic  —  strong  preference  for  women  .

LANGUAGE(S)  SPOKEN:  russian  (  primary  )  ,  english  (  secondary  )   .

ACCENT:  russian  ,  giving  v  much  yelena  belova  .  she’s  gotten  a  lot  better  at  not  slurring  her  words  but  it’s  still  extremely  present  .

PARALLEL(S):  maleficent  (  maleficent  )  ,   natasha  romanoff  (  marvel  )  ,   michonne   (  the  walking  dead  )  ,  polly  shelby  (  peaky  blinders  )  ,  sae  -  byok   (  squid  game  )  ,   &  fox  (  wanted  ) .

*̲    ⋅   𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅    𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒄𝒌   :

BIRTH  PARENTS:   status   —   deceased  ,  fyodor  &   dimitria   pacheco  .

SIBLINGS:  none  (  can  be  changed ,  idk  ) .

DISTANT  RELATIVES:  unknown  ,  if  any  (  tba  )  .  

HUSBAND:  status   —   deceased  .  duke  ivan  markov  .

CHILDREN:  status  —  alive  ,  three  children  :  duke  nikolai,  lord  aleksei  &  lord  viktor  .

*̲    ⋅   𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒔𝒆  :

FACE  CLAIM:  angelina  jolie  .

HAIR  COLOUR:  impossibly  straight  with  smooth  bangs  ,  onyx  .

EYE  COLOUR:  a  striking  blue  accentuated  by  the  dark  of  her  hair  .

BODY  MODIFICATIONS:   a  deep  scar  across  her  throat  ,   swirls  of  red  ink  around  her  fingertips  &  along  her  shoulder  blades  .

REFINERY:  usually  seen  with  her  locks  tucked  up  into  an  ushkana,  a  fur  shawl  with  black  dressage  underneath  &  the  click  of  leather  heeled  boots  seen  here  .

*̲    ⋅   𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓    𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒆  :

the  joan  of  arc  :    a  heroine  chosen  by  fate.  she  hears  a  higher  power  one  day,  out  of  the  blue,  calling  on  her.  she  never  doubts  this  voice  or  her  own  sanity,  she  leads  many  to  victory,  often  against  odds  and  did  not  fear  death  in  battle.  one  day,  she  might  be  the  death  of  her.

*̲    ⋅   𝒕𝒉𝒆   𝒃𝒓𝒖𝒏𝒕   𝒐𝒇    𝒊𝒕   :

oksana  was  born  to  fyodor  and  dimitria  pacheco,  a  soldier  for  the  royal  guard  and  a  woman  who’s  strength  rivaled  a  thousand  men.  her  mother,  bathed  in  moonlight  and  black  curls  hidden  from  view  by  the  pull  of  her  cloak,  would  often  taken  oksana  into  the  woods,  showing  her  the  “truth”  of  what  a  “higher  power”  could  gift  you.  fyodor  was  always  very  against  this,  but  loved  his  wife  with  a  passion  that  dismissed  the  idea  of  her  committing  any  wrongdoing.  elixirs  of  love,  brittle  rabbit  bones  in  a  bottle,  and  spellbound  books  were  the  catalyst  of  oksana’s  childhood. 

however,  it  became  apparent  that  she  was  not  inept  in  communicating  with  her  mothers  spirits. rather,  took  after  her  father.  gone  were  the  gauntlets  of  oozing  green  concoctions,  replaced  by  the  clasp  of  a  tiny  poison  tipped  blade.  by  day  and  by  night,  she’d  sneak  off  into  the  village  where  the  older  children  would  fight,  rolling  around  in  the  mud  and  scraping  knees  against  the  rough  cobblestone.  she’d  grin  and  pile  on,  quieting  the  murmur  of  brutely  boys  who   should’ve  overpowered  her  greatly  but  were  quickly  flipped  onto  their  backs  in  disbelief.  her  father  quickly  caught  on  to  her  whereabouts,  seeing  the  skills  she  possessed  and  set  her  up  to  become  the  family  keeper.  you  will  need  to  take  my  place  when  i’m  gone . . . .  for  her.

from  then  on,  oksana  was  trained  in  a  variety  of  fighting  forms.  from  judo  to  fencing,  archery  and  javelin  throwing.  adoring  her  mother  most  of  all,  her  dauntlessness  carried  weight  in  her  punches.  the  force  of  her  throws.  her  father  would  soon  pass  as  she  entered  in  her  twenties  and  left  her  to  step  into  his  shoes. despite  the  moments  dimitria  looked  at  her  with  forlorn  eyes  . . .  confused,  all  a  blur.  suddenly  forgetting  who  her  daughter  was.  did  she  really  have  one  ?  where  was  she  ?  who  was  she  ?  unsure  of  everything  one  moment  and  reaching  out  for  oksana’s  the  next,  memory  flooding  back  like  a  broken  damn.  oksana  knew  her  time  was  nearing,  and  had  to  settle  on  a  path.

and  so  it  occurred.  dimitria  pacheco,   bathed  in  admiration  and  clutched  in  oksana’s  arms  as  she  ventured  to  the  other  side,  was  buried  in  her  home  village.  oksana  moved  from  her  childhood  home,  and  would  soon  climb  up  ranks  to  become  a  royal  soldier,  skilled  in  grappling  against  the  biggest  of  men  with  ambidextrous  prowess;  slaying  many  and  loving  very  few.   by  the  time  she  hit  her  thirties,  she  had  become  a  personal  guard  to  the  duchess  of  years  past,  and  that  is  where  she  met  ivan;  a  match  of  cursed  breaths  and  firm  hands.  it  should've  been  a  marker,  a  telling  sign  of  what  was  to  come.

ivan  was  never  faithful,  solely  using  her  to  give  him  a  heir  or  two,  then  a  third,  scurrying  off  into  the  night  with  a  woman  who  could  not  produce  any.  time  and  time  again  he'd  tell  her  if  it  weren't  for  that  'simple  inconvenience'  she  would  never  see  to  becoming  duchess.  each  of  her  children  . . .  cubs  born  to  a  burly  bear  of  a  woman,  clawing  at  their  father  and  giving  as  good  as  she  got.  trying  her  best  to  inflict  the  damage  threatened  upon  her  children.  she's  suffered  many  injuries,  but  the  most  significant  has  left  her  voice  coarse  &  choked;  a  scar  living  across  her  throat  from  one  of  the  late  duke’s  unsheathed  daggers.  

she  loathes  the  idea  of  being  touched  by  any  man  and  only  allows  it  from  her  own  sons.  she  is  not  as  guarded  toward  feminine  presenting  individuals  and  is  actually  far  more  comfortable  in  their  presence.  most  who  know  of  the  markov's  are  aware  of  her  preference  and  keep  a  respectable  distance  from  her.  she  hates  with  every  fiber  of  her  being  . . .  that  she  still  thinks  about  her  late  husband.  she  does  not  grieve  him  so  much  as  she  grieves  the  idea  of  what  could've  been  and  what  will  never  become.   

she  is  the  very  makings  of  a  conjurer  in  witchcraft,  creating  herbs  that  take  days  worth  of  focus  &  believes  that  there  are  higher  powers  out  there  that  aid  in  her  healing  and  help  her  understand  why  such  such  a  life  was  allowed.  oksana  is  mostly  seen  within  the  confines  of  her  home  or  in  the  dark  of  night,  taking  solace  in  quiet  despite  what  has  happened  and  what  might  become  of  her  country.  she's  very  precise  in  her  verbiage,  a  would  -  be  advisor  to  her  children  &  lords  alike,  keeping  pawns  &  shadowing  any  rooks.  a  scorned  woman  ?  no.  a  phoenix  risen  from  the  ashes. 

*̲    ⋅   𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅   𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔   :

to  be  announced  .  <3

[ultfan]

given junko's ultimate analysts ability, and the fact her alter ego was controlling monokuma, it's really easy to assume that the final dead room was explicitly made with the assumption komaeda would clear it on it's hardest difficulty. after all, he is basically the only person there who would be nearly guaranteed to survive russian roulette with five bullets loaded in the fun.

it's no coincidence that komaeda — the one who loves hope above all else — was gifted the knowledge of their original identities as members of ultimate despair. monokuma even said that he knew komaeda would be the one to make the killing game MUCH more interesting, likely knowing he would do something drastic.

i can't help but wonder if komaeda's condition made him someone a little interesting to junko. obviously he has predictable patterns he often follows, esp when it comes to his devotion to hope and self depreciation, but he's also a wild card. a living coin flip — someone crafty and incredibly difficult to predict. i mean... a guy with a deteriorating frontal lobe would have a completely different way of thinking/acting compared to the majority of the world. not to mention his luck is absurd and unpredictable too — and something he can't control. idk just food for thought. we never see them react one on one so it's really fun to imagine what her side of the dynamic might've been (since we're well aware of how komaeda feels about her).

[flamingbluepanda]

Galladrabbles: silk 2

@galladrabbles and everyone else: sorry

~~

Ian Gallagher is one of Maya's favorite residents.

Even in the late stages of his disease, hes polite, never combative.

"Like silk," Ian says one day, during lunch.. Maya frowns at him, lowering the fork she was holding up to his mouth.

"His hair," Ian elaborates. "Everyone thought it was greasy, but it was silky. Even when we were young."

Internally, Maya curses. When Ian starts talking about him, he always breaks everyone's hearts when he inevitably remembers or-

Tears well up, and Ian squeezes her wrist. "Have you seen Mickey? Where is he?"

Dead, she doesn't- won't- tell him.

[jeweledstone]

TALK ABOUT IT

TALK ABOUT IT

TALK ABOUT IT

TALK ABOUT IT

(New animation meme coming soon! :) )

[acheinside]

an insult in the guise of a compliment. the tinkling of ice cubes in a glass of scotch. an engraved fountain pen. patronising laughter. tennis whites. an heirloom signet ring. love letters between war poets. airs and graces. a smile for every occasion. the works of j.c leyendecker. ruthlessly plucking out every grey hair you find. sparkling conversation. twisting someone’s words. playing the face card. dressing to the nines. a vintage sports car. a girl on your arm and a man in your bed.

statistics.

full name:  the right honourable alexander heathecote-browne, sixth viscount esher nickname(s):  alec, quill name meaning:  defender of men age:  forty-three date of birth:  august 10th star sign:  leo place of birth:  near newington, united kingdom current location: london, united kingdom gender:  cis-man pronouns:  he/him sexual orientation:  gay, but in that old hollywood way where he might just be a really prolific womanizer religion:  church of england (nominally) occupation:  owner of the daily mail family:  charles heathecote-browne, fifth viscount esher (father, deceased) evelyn heathecote-browne (mother, née fortescue) annabel white (former nanny, maternal figure) education level:  graduated from oxford university with first class honours living arrangements:  primarily resides in a townhouse in chelsea financial status:  wealthy spoken languages:  english, french, latin

biography. (gambling addiction tw, suicide tw)

Alexander Heathecote-Browne was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, the world just waiting for him to come along and take a bite out of it.

His birth was little more than the fulfilment of a contract between his parents, the spousal agreement to get on with the process of producing an heir so they could go right back to ignoring each other. They ignored Alec too, but he learned quickly not to mind - he had Nanny, after all, and he loved her better than his mother and father combined.

As is the case with so many members of the British peerage, the majority of Alec’s youth was spent at boarding school; a gauntlet of cruelty designed to make or break you. For Alec, it was the former - he was a gregarious, outgoing young man, free with his smiles and too clever by half. Every move he made was calculated to ensure his own survival, and to that end he became something of a bully - the devastating kind that always seemed to see right to the root of your insecurities.

It was imperative that Alec installed himself near the top of the social food chain early on (though never actually at the top, where he was in danger of becoming a target), so that when the less palatable aspects of his own character became clear, he had a coterie of friends built around him already.

For a young man of the Greek persuasion, boarding school was at once a playground and a prison. It’s funny how many straight boys are willing to be leant an experienced hand, or even to share your bed, as long as you were willing to keep it secret. To pretend it didn’t matter. Alec became used to laughing off such trysts as youthful indiscretions, a way to pass time in the absence of any girls, and learnt to ignore how hollowed out it made him feel.

It was always a given that Alec would go to Oxford University, as all the men in his family had, though he likely would have made the cut even without his prolific ancestry. He was a good student, kept the right company, had all the right hobbies and new exactly how to conduct himself - it should’ve been easy. It was easy, right up until the end of his third year.

Rumours had been circling about Alec’s father, Viscount Esher, for a number of years by the time Alec was due to finish his degree. The gossip was easy to ignore at first - insipid slander from people too small for the Heathecote-Brownes to even see - but it wasn’t long until the talk gained real credibility, and credibility became outright fact. Viscount Esher was a gambling addict, and he proved it by pissing away the entire family fortune before finally putting a gun in his mouth.

At the grand age of 21, Alexander Heathecote-Browne became the sixth Viscount Esher, inheriting nothing but an empty title and crippling debt. It was a small mercy that he’d already sat his exams, but even his first class degree from one of the most prestigious universities in the world felt meaningless when his family’s business was being smeared across page six.

It was up to him to fix it - god knows his mother wouldn’t be able to pull herself away from the bar cart long enough to do the job. Alec pored over the scope of his father’s debts, chasing a paper trail that ultimately led him to the Red Rose Casino, in London.

It was here that Alec met the individual who would one day call themselves the Crimson Monarch. He was smitten right away - how could he not be? The Liddell heir was an intoxicating presence, clear-eyed and sharp-tongued, charming and dangerous. Devastating, really.

But Alec wasn’t there for Viktor Liddell. He came to see the reigning Crimson Monarch, to discuss settling the sum tied to his family name. Alec had a way of getting into places that ought to have been inaccessible, a force of personality that his father sorely lacked (a force that might have saved him, had Alec only known). He asked for a year to pay what was owed - a gamble most befitting the casino that housed their meeting - and by some grace of god, he was granted it.

So Alec fought. He clawed his way back into society using whatever means necessary, relying on his wits and charms to protect him, as they always had. His fallen prince act worked like magic on the grand dames of the London scene, their hearts easily won by a sob story, some flattery, and a handsome face. Before long he had enough capital to invest, and with those investments came the money he needed to pay back the casino. He was on top again (but still not right at the top).

All the while, Alec cultivated his relationship with the eldest of the Liddell children, whom he came to sincerely call ‘friend’. But it wasn’t just friendship, not for him. Alec was devoted to Viktor, infatuated with him, he just couldn’t help himself.

It all came to a head on the night of Alec’s 25th birthday - a few too many drinks were had, they were alone, and it was easy to let the lines blur. Viktor was clear that it shouldn’t have happened, but it did, and then it just… kept happening. And it could keep happening as long as Alec could keep it secret - which he did, of course. He was old hand at this by now, a man more hollow than flesh.

The dalliances (for that was all they were) lasted a while, becoming less and less frequent as time wore on. They were never any less friends for it, though. Alec was excellent at keeping things light, and would continue to do so in spite of the intensity of his own feelings, because it was better than the alternative: losing Viktor altogether.

When the old Crimson Monarch died, Alec resolved to be there for his friend in whatever capacity they needed, endeavouring to support them through their transition into leadership (not that they needed it - Viktor’s always been steady as a rock).

By this time, Alec was more than comfortable in terms of finances, and he set his sights on a new prize: acquiring the Daily Mail; the very newspaper that had so callously spread the news of his family misfortune all those years ago. However, even with the significant wealth he’d accumulated over the previous fifteen years, it still wouldn’t be enough to purchase the paper in its entirety. So Alec approached his dearest friend, the new Crimson Monarch, and asked for help paving the way.

It’s been three years since Alec acquired the Daily Mail, and under his supervision, the paper has become little more than a tool for obfuscation in favour of the Jabberwocks. If an unsavoury story crosses Alec’s desk, he sees it quickly and unceremoniously removed - after all, what’s the point in having power if you can’t use it to help the person you love?

other things. (dementia tw)

There’s nothing in the world that scares Alec more than growing old. It isn’t just his vanity, which is so easily offended, but the threat to his very personhood - he watched his mother lose so much of herself to dementia with age, and fears the same fate for himself. The disease isn’t hereditary, he knows, but that does little to soothe his nerves.

No matter how he flatters and coerces, never agree to play billiards with Alec if you encounter him at the Red Rose. He takes no prisoners, and will have you paying for his drinks for the rest of the evening.

His biological mother aside, Alec’s relationships with the women in his life are arguably the most important to him. There’s Nanny, of course, who he remains in contact with and takes out to lunch on her birthday every year, but he’s frequently enchanted by the wits and beauty of his female peers, and boasts a great many friends among them.

Unsurprisingly, Alec is a complete clothes horse, and has an impeccable sense of personal style. That being said, he is one of those annoying people that looks good in everything, so the fact that he dresses well is almost irrelevant.

Alec was three years above Prince William at Eton, and thought he was a complete drip. It’s deeply petty, but he takes a smug satisfaction in the fact that the future king went bald.

[everybody-loves-purdy]

You ever think about how Bluestar ruined Frostfur’s family … even before she went insane after Tigerstar , Like two of frostfurs children were permanently disabled and made a child solider due to being apprenticed at 4 moons , and due to Bluestar’s negligence, one of them forced into a role she never wanted and the other mockingly named, her other son was apprenticed before six moons and was lucky not to get hurt, and her other son was not allowed to become a warrior long after he should’ve been. Also after reading Bluestar’s SE, I just have no respect for her anymore .

Ok with the Cinderpaw and Brackenpaw thing - yeah Bluestar really shouldn’t have done that and it comes off hypocritical after the whole Brokenstar thing, I know Frostfur said they were ready to be apprenticed but Bluestar should have put her foot down.

As for her later life after Tigerclaw’s betrayal… Vicky has said on Facebook in a video that when writing Bluestar’s mental health decline she was specifically writing her as having PTSD, dementia, and depression. How Bluestar handled almost everything during that part of her life was wrong and naming Brightpaw Lostface was especially cruel, but I can’t hold an old woman with dementia among other serious mental health issues accountable for her actions. Bluestar would never have done those things if she didn’t have dementia. Dementia changes people, and it really isn’t pretty. Like I said what she did was wrong, but it wasn’t her fault. I cannot fault Bluestar herself for the actions she took while she had dementia. She was a very scared and ill old woman who should have been removed from power so she could have lived out the rest of her days as peacefully and without stress as such an illness can allow, unfortunately the warrior code didn’t allow such things back then.

It’s fine not to like her I’m not saying you have to like her or anything, but I think her dementia and other mental health issues are aspects of her which are crucial to bear in mind when discussing her actions after the Tigerclaw betrayal.

[xakumi]

why do i feel like bosacious' karma is a metaphor for dementia?