#depressed hatake kakashi

[velvetgoldminecherry]

Kakashi Week 2022 Day 1: Nukenin & Senses

Thanks to @kakashiweek for all their support. Hope you enjoy this story that basically is based on a headcanon of mine, in which the Hatake clan is extremely related to wolves and like them, it’s members have highly developed senses. And you know how animals can feel that bad things are going to happen? Well, Hatake clan also has that sixth sense, which becomes a nightmare if you’re not trained to control it, because you can feel too much..

I hope you enjoyed it. By the way, english isn’t my first lenguage, so forgive me if they’re mistakes.

Link to AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoneGirl199999

Blood Legacy

Fifteen years ago...

A shinobi with silver hair runs in a hurry over the rooftops and in the shade of trees, nowadays it isn't safe to walk the streets if he wants to return home in one piece. It's been hard times since father came back from that mission. It all began with the nasty looks, then with the civilian's rumors, some time later the disrespect from other shinobis, the stores that wouldn't accept them, finally the loneliness and the abuses from everyone.

Kakashi used to be able to escape from his abusers, but some times there were too many of them. On those occasions, his father would heal his wounds, while blaming himself and mumbling apologies, for then locked himself and cry, praying that his son wouldn't listen to him.

Another year passed and Kakashi became a legal adult at the age of five, after getting graduated from the Academy, and he was taken as the aprentice of Shibi Aburame. One of the few shinobis who still treated him like a human. He was taught in the art of war. He was sent to infiltration missions, even tho he was only a genin. But he was born a shinobi, and he had a debt to pay to the village. He was the son of Sakumo Hatake and his inheritance made him a pretty good weapon to use during war times.

So the silver boy became an adult at the age of five. Not because of his special abilities, not because he had been taken to assassination misions before he knew how to walk, but because what happened that curse bloody day.

He woke up with the feeling that something bad was going to happen. The ninken knew it too. Throughout the day, the growing anxiety made him believe that he would lose his mind. Every little detail told him something bad was coming, the worst of all was that no one else noticed the nauseating smell of fear and failure in the air. No one else noticed the unusual humidity, the strange earth movements, the anguised song of birds, the bitter taste of miso soup...

He smelled the blood ten kilometers before arriving home. Desesperation invaded the small creature, who forgot the first thing he learned in his first day at the Academy: "A shinobi never shows any feeling", he runs faster but when he enters the house is too late. 

That was the first time Kakashi hated with all his beign the inheritance of his clan. He smelled his father's suicide before it happened, he felt it, he heard it, he tasted and later... He saw it. Some years later he was asigned to a genin team. Even tho he alredy was a chunin who had been on war missions. It seemed that the old Lord Hokage thought the experience would help him healed his wounds and realize that the mission and the rules weren't as important as his people.

Said the one bastard who let Danzo and the villagers killed the great White Fang of Konoha, because of a failed mission. The one who allowed the other villages and clans to masacrate his whole clan, the one who allowed a boy to be treated like scum just because of his fathers mistakes and let another to murder his family to protect the damn village.

So Kakashi became part of team 7, while he was sent to missions out from Konoha to pay his father's mistakes, to suffer the punishment, to suffer from his Hatake legacy, which became stronger as he did. He would come back home smelling the blood of all the victims in his own skin, no matter how many times he washed himself, until his own blood appeared... 

He hated it.

He hated it how Obito, Rin and Minato sensei reached his inner wolf and domesticated it, he hated how the smell of Rin's perfume made him feel like he was in home, how the sensation of them being near to him made him felt like he had founded a new pack, how the touch of their hands would bring him back to earth when the sensations of everything became to much to bear. How Obito's voice would enchant him and made him feel like everything was okay and how much it hurted to know that Obito only had eyes for Rin. But even those little details, in those moments his Hatake legacy turned almost acceptable. But happiness didn't last that much, neither did his new founded peace with his bloodlines, because it was that damn curse of his extinct clan the one who told him that Obito would die, even before he knew it, it was the one that made him knew he would kill Rin with his chidori. His bloodline curse was the one who aknowledge him about the Kyubi's attack, that Minato and Kushina would die, that one of his kohais would end with his entire own clan...

He wasn't able to know what was going to happen, he couldn't read the future. But he always knew what was going to happen.

How much longer was he going to take it?

With the secrets of his clan destroyed by those who feared the power of the Great Wolf, without a single scroll to read, a relative to ask, Kakashi was destined to suffer the curse of his hypersensitivity. It was a perfect weapon for war and at some point in his life he would have been happy about it but... Did it really make sense now? Was it worth all the pain and sickness that took over his body after each fight? Was it worth how he lost more and more his sanity smelling the blood, feeling the terror of the fallen when it cracked their heads or burst their chests?

The only thing his curse couldn't predict was that he would end taking the Hound mask and in a trance-like state, crawl to the ROOT facility, where the next morning there would be a butcher shop, where the main course was the head of Lord Danzo, hunging with a look of terror from the ceiling beams. Beside him on the ground, a scroll addressed to the Hokage, with all the interesting things Danzo told him some minutes before his dead.

Everyone would knew what their precious Hokage and elders did. They would knew who the real scum was 

After that he would walk away protected by the shadows, with a broken legacy he had sworn to protect, now turned into trash. He walked away until the rooftops turned to ants and the smells and sounds of Konoha disappeared, he walked away until the forests surrounding the village disappeared and he walked away until he crossed the borders of the Valley of the End.

When he stopped to catch his breath, Fire Country was already a long way off. It was then that he understood everything he had done, it was when he looked at his hands full of blood, his ANBU uniform splattered with viscera and noticed the pieces of cartilage entangled in his hair sticky with blood when he realized what he had done. When he understood he wouldn’t came back to Konoha.

After all the he did to clear his father’s name, after all the sacrifice he made to be considered a hero, to be loved again, after promising his dad he would protect his dearest people he just got so thirsty for revenge and screwed everything. They would put a price to his head, the golden child who was expected to became stronger than the White Fang and the Great Sannin... Turned into a traitor.

Itachi became a nukenin for the sake of Konoha, he became one because he wanted Konoha to suffer like he and his beloved ones did.

It had been a long time since Konoha had been his home, surprisingly having failed as a shinobi didn't hurt anymore. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't remember wanting to become one of his own free will... But the faces of his cute kohai and his eternal rival hadn't stopped following him. He had failed them, he had ruined the last bonds he had.

He alredy could feel Gai's tears and his heart breaking when he heard the news... This time his Hatake gift wasn't necessary, because he felt the same way Gai did, even when he never sayed it out loud, Gai was his only reason to live and his most precious beign. Gai was the love of his life, Gai did everything for him, and he just took it and then ran away, breaking his heart...

Kakashi hadn't cried in a long time, but Gai was the only thing that still made him human. Kakashi never deserved him, he realized too late how much he loved him, that he wasn't able to thank Gai for always being by his side. He was nothing but scum that took the lives of others and then ran away leaving everything destroyed around him. He fell to his knees and slammed his fists against a rock, barely feeling his knuckles break. The faces of Gai, Tenzo, Obito, Rin, Minato and his father appeared again and again, completely disappointed in him and hurt in a way he couldn't describe. But even now, he wasn't even sure those tears were his. Because only one of his eyes shed tears.

Obito’s eyes was the only thing that made him human. And he spoiled it.

The village coulg go to hell, they never cared about him, about his dad's pain and sacrifice. They didn't give a shit of anything. He wanted to burn everything, let his inner wolf free and tear every damn neck of Konoha apart. But he wouldn't, it was the last thing he could do to honor the sacrifice of his father and his team. The last thing he could do for Gain and Tenzo.

It wasn't long before they came looking for him, he smelled them months before they knew who he was. He knew Itachi was among them, he knew there was no point in refusing. He was a lone wolf who had lost his pack deep in the woods, a creature with the breath of death, blood and gore soaking his fur. A wolf that hid stealthily, ready to attack, too scared and hurt by the world.

That's why he joined Akatsuki, he had no other reason to exist, he didn't need them, he didn't share their goals. But the Hatake Clan's gift was what their leader needed to capture the tailed beasts, and Kakashi knew no other life than serving as a weapon. So he cut his hitai ate and put on his cloak and ring. He fulfilled the missions without real motivation. 

He gained power during his years in Akatsuki, so his blood curse got stronger, turning every single battle into a nightmare. The smell of iron, dead, fear. The mist of desperation and pain. The sound of kunais, shurikens and katanas colliding with each other, the agony screams and the bodies falling into the ground, blood rivers impregnating his nose for days...

How much will he has to live like this? How more days will he spend nights washing himself trying to remove the horrible stink that impregnates his skin? How much will his punishment last? How badly will his heart break before he collapses from the sensations and finally dies forgotten like a mangy dog? How much he’ll have to deal with Akatsuki? When will the rage od the Great Wolf and his ancestors will end?

When will the curse end?

[everynart]

[taiyou-hibiscus]

Yamato : Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.

Kakashi : It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...

Naruto : Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!

Sai : My will to live, I haven't seen this in years.

Sakura : I knew I lost that potential somewhere.

Sasuke : Mental stability, my old friend!

Yamato : Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

[supine-ly]

i tried to do backgrounds and stuff but ultimately gave up. Eternal wip :/

[cool-thymus]

~Oh.. I see

(the eng dub receives a "good job" certificate from me for Kakashi's voiceover in this scene)

[purple-ravaged]

this song + team minato animatic??? i can totally finish this 2 min project 🙂

[shu-of-the-wind]

everything about kakashi makes ten times more sense as a fellow adult who also is alive mostly against their own will actually

[aldynafox]

oohh may i ask for adult team minato with 10D obito, 10E rin and 7B kakashi + volcano? if three is too much, then only rin is more than fine! ty ♥️

ooooooh of course you can !

I hope you like it it's a bit dark but I couldn't find another way to draw them like that (and I really enjoyed it hehe)

[ap-kinda-lit]

Kakashi 🥲

[blindsighted]

Sakumo disobeyed orders and forfeit his mission in order to save his comrades, but in doing so, he has committed a crime against the village as a whole. His loyalty is called into question. His honor is destroyed. This stigma will carry over to Kakashi, unless he can atone. The only choice is to take his own life, thus proving his loyalty to Konoha and removing the stigma from Kakashi... The only way for Kakashi to survive, is for him to die.

"I'm sorry, pup... I let you down."

[trans-duckling]

NEW CHAPTER ALERT!~

This is a VERY hard one, so PLEASE mind the warnings and do not read if you can be triggered by it. You have a summary at the end notes, so you really don’t need to suffer just to know what happened.

If you need it, you have hot-lines to help with self-harm and suicide attempts. If you're not ready to confront the situation with other people, you can read about ways to help yourself (or others) here: https://www.autolesion.com/ It is an spanish webpage, but you can translate it, and I PROMISE there are really useful advices in here, some of which I have used myself, as well as described in this story. In case you have problem to find something, the most useful part is by clicking: Te Ayudamos -- Guía de Autolesión, there you can find a list of pages in case you need help, or you know someone that may need it.

I promise you the next chapter is way more happy and full of fluff. And the one I’m currently writing you cannot imagine (I’m basically vomiting rainbows with it(?)

I hope you enjoy the reading, and let me know what you think about it!

[velvetgoldminecherry]

Kakashi Week day 3: Broken Fang

Baby mine, don’t you cry

Baby mine, dry your eyes

Rest your head close to my heart

Never to part, baby of mine

Music always was an importan part of his life. Wolves use it for everything: to find each other, thanks for the rain, ward off and fight enemies, protect each other, celebrate a successful hunt, cry for the dead ones...

When he was a creature who could barely walk or speak, Kakashi didn’t fear many things other kids were afraid of. He prefered the night over the day, thunder and lightning amused him. The moaning of wind in old houses rocked him when he couldn’t sleep. Shadows of the night were far more calming for Kakashi than any comforting words. There were very few humans able to understood the beauty of the wild world. Kakashi was one of them.

But he wasn’t only able to apreciate the beauty of the beasts, he also known sooner than others the cruelty of the world. He was pretty young when he learned that if you weren’t strong and capable enough, you would be abandoned or killed. Even by your own pack.

The only thing he couldn't learn in time was that the pack stuck together. The entire pack would die rather than have to lose a single member. The only thing he didn't learn was that behind every beast's eyes, behind every sharp fang, was a meek cub seeking comfort, in need of love and protection. It was not understood that there was time for love between each battle.

When one of the members fell exhausted on the ground, the pack helped him to continue, they took turns to take care of him, they stayed by his side until the arms of death arrived, ready to take away the warrior who had given everything until the end.

How could he have been so selfish?

The first time he killed a man he was four years old. His father had taken him on an S-rank mission. Sakumo knew that war lurked in every corner. He knew that his son would be sent to the battlefield even before he became a chunin. He wanted me to prepare him as much as he could. She wanted her pup to be able to protect herself when that time came.

He wanted to protect his pup.

At the age of five he was taught to torture. He was taught which bones to break, which organs to damage so that a victim would suffer enough, but not die. While the civilian children learned to add two plus two, Kakashi and many others learned the veins that would take someone's life if they were torn.

Kakashi was ordered to bury his emotions, he walked away from the pack of wolves and clung onto Shinobi code. He forgot the even beasts needed protection, that even beasts needed love.

He also forgot that even the strongests alphas could fall.

One winter day he was walking through the snow with his father. A storm was raging that had sent most of them home, but there was something in the genes of the Hatake Clan that desperately sought to go out into the call of the wild. There was something in his Hatake blood that thirsted for freedom, there was something in his Hatake blood that howled with a deep and eternal sadness. There was something fierce inside him that refused to stay within four walls, something that wanted to run into the cold forest.

It was the first time he saw it. Lying in a forest clearing, surrounded by tall trees that had lost their leaf litter, an imposing wolf with blue-black fur lay on its side on the ground. The crimson blood stood out beautifully and grotesquely against the white of the snow. The creature whimpered, its fading eyes spilling tears that froze on its midnight fur.

-It’s the alpha- his father whispered him back then- It’s pack has leave him.

As if it was a movie, Kakashi could see his five year old self watching the shocking sight of the huge beast, bleeding and making patterns on the snow that looked like red poppies.

It was something so beautiful, so heartbreaking and scaring to watch.

Second time he saw it was a few months later. He should have seen it coming, but again, Kakashi had ignored so many things that just until now he realized the signs. As clear and loud as the wolf’s song. The White Fang didn’t break that night when Kakashi founded him in a pool of his own blood and viscera. He had been breaking for a long time ago and Kakashi had been so blind, he had been so selfish to try to collect the pieces.

But even now, lying in the rain deeps in the woods, with a kunai buried in his femoral artery and one oh his ribs puncturing his left lung, Kakashi still ignored something: back then he was just a child. He couldn’t have safe something that had been broken long ago.

And for an instant, half-blinded by water anf blood, he saw a huge mass above him, and he could clearly felt a warm breath in his cold skin.

A second later his ANBU subordinates arrived at his side, and despite being informed later that he had been delirious from fever, Kakashi clearly saw the massive gray wolf following them all the way to the village gates, where he turned and turned. He walked silently into the shadows of the night.

For that night alone, the White Fang had come back to life.

@kakashiweek​

[everynart]

[im-still-watching-anime]

enemy: *begins long winded bad guy speech*

kakashi: hey sorry just could i sit down for this? would you be mad? my knees are aching from just standing around

[bugprinz]

doodle for these trying times 

[lemony-snickers]

Kakashi returns to Konoha as he often does; exhausted to his marrow and drowning in the scent of stale iron.

His ANBU mask is broken. Cleaved in half by the rogue nin he was sent to intercept. He’ll need a new one and his shoulders are already tense from imagining the small talk he’ll have to make as they fit him for it.

It’s overdue, anyway. His face is much different now than when he was fourteen. At least he thinks so. Kakashi doesn’t make much of a habit of looking at his face unless he has to.

His left orbital bone is fractured, but the swelling’s abated enough he doesn’t think Hiruzen will notice if he keeps his eye covered.

A relief. Because the thought of wasting his days in a hospital bed, needlessly draining his already strained chakra reserves every time a new medic comes to assess him, sounds about as awful as the roundhouse kick that broke the bone in the first place.

When he climbs through his window, there is no one to welcome him home. He announces himself to the empty house, anyway, finding assurance in the ritual.

As he crawls into bed, still in his soiled uniform, smeared in blood and dirt and whatever else he’s managed to drag home, Kakashi sighs.

Tomorrow is a new day. Perhaps it will be a better one.

He doesn’t really believe it, but like saying I’m back to an empty room, there’s no harm in the gesture, either.