#depressive episodes are yikes

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

oh my god, this extremely biphobic extremely 90s episode of SATC 😂😱

[foreshvdowing]

me: *is actively in a depressive episode*

me: let’s rewatch bojack :)

[copperbadge]

In the ongoing discussion of aphantasia (see "an aphantasia fantasia" tag for more) an article popped up recently which has some details to share, including a history of how aphantasia was discovered in the scientific sense. I don't have "spatial thoughts" the way the author does, but it's also a pretty good discussion of how people who don't form mental images (or can't access sound, smell, etc in their minds) still interact normally with the world.

Here's some fucked up shit I didn't expect, however:

In a 2015 paper, a group of researchers [...] identified a new syndrome they called “Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory,” or SDAM for short. People with SDAM lack the ability to relive past experiences in their minds. While this condition is rare among the general population, a preliminary survey hints at a link with aphantasia, with as many as 51 percent of a sample of 2,000 SDAM individuals also having aphantasia. My own experience is similar. Past episodes of my life—when I can recall them at all—feel distant and non-sensory. [...] I would describe my recollections as summaries of key facts rather than first-person “mind movies.” When asked, out of the blue, about an experience I’ve surely had—say, any childhood birthday party—my mind first responds by drawing a blank. It feels as if my episodic memories were filed into a “mental cabinet” without an index. Many memories are in there, somewhere, but retrieving them is a daunting task unless I’m provided with very specific prompts. With some groping work of deduction (where did I live at the time? Who did I hang out with?) I can gather enough hints to bring out some locations and non-visual facts: I had a big party in our countryside garden when I was 11 or 12; there was cake; a lot of kids running around and … that’s about it.

This is one hundred percent how I access memory and how I assumed everyone did -- I am well aware I don't remember chunks of my past (or only remember them if prompted by something) but I do the same thing he does. I ask myself where I was living, or what other things were happening at the time, or I snag on a rare memory of a piece of clothing or a feeling, and I extrapolate from there. I don't relive memories in the way that the article implies regular people do, and while I will recognize say, the smell of a specific library, a deeply ingrained scent for me, I don't remember the smell if I'm not standing there smelling it. And this explains my dedication to making an annual photobook documenting the past year, each December -- the photobooks are powerful memory triggers and have more than once reminded me where I was or what year it was when I did XYZ thing.

Also, turns out that one of the key methods for emotional regulation in most people is calling up a happy memory to counteract sad ones, which is why depression is so pervasive, because depressed people have literal biological impairments to remembering or reliving positive memories.

And SDAM, associated with aphantasia, is an impairment to reliving any memory at all, so...

Big ol' neurological yikes, guys.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Lena Horne (Cabin in the Sky, Stormy Weather)— Incredibly talented biracial actress, singer, dancer, and activist (she did so much work towards integrating audiences). Because of the racism of the era, she rarely got to be the lead actress but filmmakers loved her so much that they would often create stand alone segments within a film to highlight her beautiful singing, knowing that these segments would ultimately be cut from the film by censors in areas that forbid films with Black performers. Also, she's just so wonderful in Cabin in the Sky as a gold-digger villain who is not the least bit subtle about her intentions. I would highly recommend checking out her work.

Jane Fonda (Barbarella, Sunday in New York, Barefoot in the Park)—Feminist icon, LGBTQ+ rights activist since the 70s, Civil Rights and Native American rights advocate, environmentalist… she really is THE woman ever

This is round 4 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Lena Horne:

Black American powerhouse singer and actor who faced all the usual bullshit that any BIPOC faced in vintage Hollywood and achieved legendary status anyway. Also a Civil Rights movement icon.

She was a gem

She was so beautiful and those dimples are amazing! Truly depressing how badly Hollywood treated her because she was black. I would love to have seen what she really could have been if they didn’t cast her in so many yikes roles. She’s got gorgeous eyes and that body! Her joyful smile makes happiness sexy!

Civil rights actress, singer, dancer, actress, she's got the whole package

Lena Horne was a wonderful singer and actress who largely starred in black cast musicals. While she had a lot of main stream success, she ultimately lost the lead role in showboat (a role she had played on the stage) to a white actress due to hollywood's prejudices. She was also blacklisted during the HUAC hearings, but she still managed to be hot be hot as fuck and have a career spanning decades, working with more well-known stars like Judy Garland in musicals, and working on stage and releasing albums when her hollywood career began to suffer.

Miss Horne became famous during a period of time when Hollywood had very few meaningful roles for people of color. Although she is more so known as a performer, she starred in two successful all black productions (Cabin in the Sky & Stormy Weather). If that wasn't enough, she also guest starred on the Muppets (Season 1, Episode 11)

Jane Fonda:

" I assume she's already been submitted but I gotta make sure. I think there's an element to movies like Barbarella or her segment of Spirit of the Dead of those having been directed by her husband, who famously made movies about her being hot, and the incredible costume design also helped, but good lord. Look at her"

"She was so pretty, dear lord! She was and still us stunning. She’s great at comedy and drama."

"Shes so hot im so gay for me i will let her hit me with hers car"

"Gorgeous and also still getting arrested at climate protests, which is sexy behavior"

"Watching her in Barefoot in the Park seriously made me, a straight woman, question things"

"PLEASE I LOVE HER SO MUCH"

"Her vibes in these movies are so interesting because she, the daughter of an Old Hollywood star, went on to make both poignant dramatic movies and the some of the silliest things you've ever seen but even in the silly space adventures and sexploitations there's always this undeniable gravitas to her. It's like she's able not to take herself very seriously but at the same time never stops having this grace and elegance and makes it all work together. And she's always been very politically active which is also sexy. Her famous mugshot is from 1970 so right at the cutoff mark but come on"

[running-with-kn1ves]

🧎‍♀️more edira????? in evil old lesbian office worker we trust 🙏

how about a honeymoon-esque vacation scenario??? I am dying to see more of casual edira, the way she was in that last drabble ahgdgshababnabab

ur writing is just so good 💝

A/N: This is so kind! I was really surprised that Edira kept showing up in my inbox but I can't complain! I didn't want to jump to honeymoon just yet so here's a little vacation/beach episode :D

CW: blackmail/forced relationship, power imbalance, edira grabbing reader’s butt, overall possessive red flags --WC:2300

Synopsis: vacay with your powertrip of a girlfriend Edira! But her workaholic tendencies are hard to escape. 

Taking “official” photos was always a humbling experience. You looked down at your passport ID for the hundredth time, grimacing at how dead you looked in the grainy picture. 

“It’s not that bad. And see, the light hit your eyes perfectly,” Edira promised, but it didn’t fix the frown on your face as you focused on each blemish and pore that was exacerbated tenfold in the tiny image that represented who you were across country lines. 

“Easy for you to say, you look the same as you did in your headshots on the branch website..” 

You looked at her from the bed, watching the back of her sandy grey-blonde head shake with a sigh. The business woman rapidly typed away on her glowing laptop, seemingly irritated by the crashing waves outside the open sliding doors. 

“Well, if you really want we can get it taken again, when I put my last name on there too.” 

At that, you were quiet. Moving in together, and now vacations across boarders…. Her reference to marriage shouldn’t have been shocking, but it put all other thoughts in your brain to a stop. You didn’t really want to marry her, did you? Your blackmailing boss who was more like a war general than a tender lover, one who daydreamed about bending you over her desk more than what flowers she’d want at the ceremony venue. The possibility of staring into her bleak expression at an empty, cold courthouse and being forced to elope was something that made your frown droop even further. 

The sad excuse of a wedding depressed you more than the thought of marrying Edira at all. 

But you shook that despairing vision out of your head-- you were here to relax, to get away from the stress of your office environment (your coworkers)  and neverending projects with cutthroat deadlines (running reports and files to Edira as soon as she requests them.)

“Well, I still don’t know how I convinced you to let us do this. I mean, I didn’t think you ever took vacations. When’s the last time you went on a trip that wasn’t for work?”

Edira stopped her clacking, french tips scraping along one of the computer’s keys. 

“This is my first. I never had any reason to use my PTO days, until now.”

Wow, you really WERE dating a workaholic. What kind of insane person doesn’t use their personal days the second they get the chance? If you had been more than a temp, you would’ve taken all of yours the second Edira tried to indoctrinate you into her little play “date” plan.

“Well then why are you doing work!? This is one of the few times you can get away with not being available every other second of the day. You’ve been on your computer since we got on the plane-- isn’t it time we actually, you know, vacationed?”

Edira returned to her email writing. “They might need me, I’m the only one who has access to the other branches’ inf--”

“C’monn, I think they’ll be fine without you for an hour or two. Otherwise, what was the point of coming here..” You hopped to the screen doors, opening the curtains to see the glimmering ocean right outside your suite.The sand rippled with the blowing wind, completely void of footsteps or life.  “I mean we LITERALLY have the ocean right here and you’d rather stare at your laptop.” 

Edira hummed, not convinced. 

Yikes; If you wanted to explore the island you were supposed to be vacationing on, you’d need to pull out the big guns. 

“You’d rather focus on your work than… spend time with me?” Your voice cracked, looking at the ships far away from your corner of the coast. It was physically sickening to sweeten yourself up in order to get Edira’s favor. But how else could you actually use this once-in-a-lifetime chance to swim in the Indian Ocean, to experience something, anything, outside of your boring desk job and droning urban life. 

At your buttered up question, Edira paused. You could see her looking at you from the corner of her eye, unreadable. 

She shut her laptop. Pushing away from the desk she sighed, running a sharp hand through her hair, tight jaw clenching and unclenching. 

“Put your bathing suit on.” Was all she said, unzipping the back of her form-fitting dress. 

You didn’t say anything, no claps of excitement or relentless thank you’s-- lest she change her mind to ruin your fun. You hurried to change your shorts and souvenir shirt (A present from the airport gift shop; Edira saw you eyeing it) as the businesswoman walked to the master bathroom. 

You prayed to be faster than her, hoping she wouldn’t catch you in a position that sparked her lust.

You were running around looking for sunscreen and towels when she came out, hands on her hips and dark sunglasses propped on her head. Even in her backless one piece, she looked like an executive on a business trip,  hard glare in her eyes and a muted black covering the front of her body. From the back however, a different person was hidden. The cheeky bottoms exposed nearly the full of her, well, bottom, as ruffled locks of hair fell like messy feathers down her shoulders, exposed to the salty wind. She was the sexy women in swimsuit magazines, meant to be a fantasy of maturity and dominance way out of your league. But here she was, looking you up and down as you hopped on one foot to try and grab a towel on the other side of the bed. 

“You know, i’m not really a big fan of the beach. I don’t know why I picked this place… should’ve chosen the mountains or something. Someplace we wouldn’t be bothered.”

Someplace she could have you all to herself, she meant. Somewhere you wouldn’t be distracted by things to do and  would come looking to her for warmth by the fire. 

“Maybe next vacation!” You hoped, praying that it turned the cogs in her machine brain to take you somewhere else, anywhere else, soon. “Meanwhile, we have our own private beach, thanks to you. We’ll only be bothered by the occasional seaweed. And maybe a fish or two.”

You gathered up the beach necessities in your arms, full of towels and a beach umbrella, along with small must-haves like water bottles and sunscreen spray cans. Edira looked at you with an incredilous stare, grabbing the towels and water from your hands to shove into her beach bag. 

“Yeah, didn’t really think of that.” You said, noticing how most of the things you grabbed could be fit into her infinite ‘lifes a beach’ tote-- complementary from your Airbnb hosts.

“Let’s go.” 

She walked out to the naked patio, locking her pointer finger with yours as you hiked the umbrella on your shoulder. You had come to learn Edira well; she didn’t like the sun, hated most gelatinous sugary mixtures, and was incredibly stubborn if an activity included something she found beneath her. Getting sand between her toes, included. 

You found a place far away from the shore and began spinning the umbrella’s pole into the ground. Edira would surely make use of its shade, but the ocean was calling your name as she sat down on her beach towel, squinting behind her sunglasses. 

“I can see the harbor from across the water; not particularly private, I’d say. The hosts’ll make sure to hear about this when we leave.”

“It’s private enough. What, did you want to go skinny dipping or something?” You laughed, clumping sand at the base of the umbrella with your foot. “The press would have a field day.”

You flumped down next to her, happy to be out of that stuffy, although beautiful, beach house that reminded you too much of Edira’s apartment. The warm sand was comforting, shells and rocks placed around you like little treasures. 

“If I want to go skinny dipping with you I should be able to, not have to worry about some fisherman watching while I touch you.” She pulled at your thigh, placing her hand on the inside as she lifted up her sunglasses. “Or maybe, you’d like that, letting them watch you frolick and squirm. Maybe we should find out if they can really see us--”

She had the full intention of digging under your bottoms to make a statement, but your reaction time to her had improved. 

“You’re such a worrywart, can we just swim now please? It’s better than sitting her in the hot sun, on the sticky sand..” You knew you caught her when she turned her nose at the mention of the sun, only worsening as she started to feel the sand cover her feet. 

She was a priss through and through, and sometimes it worked in your favor.

“Fine… but if I’m touched by something slimy I can’t help what I do.” 

You grinned with your teeth, unable to hold back a smile at finally getting to experience the beginning of your vacation. 

You ran to the waves crashing against the sand, feeling them flick up at your ankles and knees as you waded in the water.

You turned around to walk backwards into the sea, watching as the woman hesitantly took out a hairtie that once had her hair in a high pony. 

“Come on! Slowpoke!” 

Edira reached the gap between land and water, frowning at schools of tiny fish and jagged rocks that would surely make it hard to walk in heels the next morning. 

You had to drag her further, holding her outstretched hand as she let you lead her deeper into the water. 

“It’s not so bad, right? Nothing slimy thus far…”

“Something’s definitely touching my leg.” She remarked, linking arms with you as if you were a safety floaty. “And it smells like fish.”

You both trudged far enough from shore, a little more than waist deep as you watched the sun near the horizon line. 

You took a moment to look at it, staring as the boats pass by from far away, seeing the empty houses on the beach neighboring yours between areas of trees. 

Edira turned towards you, the same moment something coming to grip your bottom. 

“Something nabbed me!” You nearly shrieked, only to feel the same sensation on your other cheek, pulling you forward against Edira. She had her arms wrapped behind you, squeezing your ass like it was dough to be kneaded. 

“Thought I was the scared one, hm?” 

You looked away, putting your hands against Edira’s abdomen. She leered over you, ignoring your attempts to create distance as she caged you in. The waves pushed you together, water swaying as her legs brushed against your knees deep below. 

“don't look away from me now, you're too adorable like this…”

She watched your eyes barely peek up, defensive fists flattening against the bare of her collarbone. She was almost spotless, save for a few sun-kissed freckles sprinkled here and there. 

Edira grinned a wolfy smirk. Even despite her discomfort in the sea she knew you were wrapped around her finger, nervous lips twitching while watching her bring a hand from your bottom to your neck.

Her hands  were salty and wet from the sea, pulling at the base of your head to bring you closer. The workaholic almost seemed to begin destressing as her nose pressed against yours.. Edira nuzzled with her forehead pressed to your sweaty one, fine fingers caressing downward to grab your jaw. 

Without warning, her tongue perched itself against your cheek, turning your face to the side as she ran a long stripe up to your temple. It was wet and full, drawing out her time to savor the flavor and discomfort of your expression. 

“What are you--”

“Salty.” She murmured. “You're so soft, getting all mushy in my arms.” Edira laughed-- a real laugh, with a small snort as she leaned into you. She was so close, the intimate entertwining of your bodies so unusual from her normal obscurity.

It was hard not to look petulant when her eyes peered down at you with a gleam, as if you were a cute drunk thing at the bar she wanted to take home safe, or a pampered puppy ready to be suffocated with attention. 

“So cute.. might make me jealous letting all these boatmen see you in such a little bathing suit.” She teased, progressively in a better mood now with the clouds blocking the sun and your body so cooperative in her grasp. 

“Jealous?” You rolled your eyes. “Oh noo, I could never imagine my girlfriend being jealous.”

All the times of her domineering possessive behavior ran through your head, the sarcastic comment truly not detailing how severe she had gone.  

“I am your girlfriend…” she grinned, kissing your shoulder with a tight grip arpund your hips. “Now that I hear it,I want more… it sounds too, loose.”

Wait, did you really call her your “girlfriend”? Hell, maybe the sun was starting to get to you. 

“We'll it’s not like we can get MARRIED, haha,” you awkwardly brush off how romantic she's being all of a sudden, soft circles created by her nails running along the dip of your back. “I mean… right? We're too uncommitted for marriage, and I mean who would want to marry someone the’re in a fake relationship with.”

You couldn’t tell if you were talking about her or you anymore. Edira’s chest pressed against yours, arms tentatively keeping you trapped against her. 

“Mm… Still feels fake to you?” She questioned In your neck, surprisingly calmer than you expected her to be at that comment. “How much more do I need to convince you that this is real,” Those soft lips came to brush against your ear. “That you’re not going anywhere.”

[areallysourlemon]

Biggering Animation (Behind The Scenes / Work In Progress Log #13)

Hiya everyone so... July right..? We're already 7 months into 2024? yikes The production of Biggering has still been quite troubling for me, and each day that passes, the more I become less confident that Biggering will come out this year. I should probably say that unfortunately, I had been diagnosed with dysthymia / persistent depressive disorder not too long ago and had been experiencing a prolonged depressive episode which had been lasting since February (and got worse between March-May). I've been trying my best to manage my disorder by putting the project on hold, doing counselling, keeping in touch with my friends, making sure I take my medication every day and going out to get some sunshine for at least 20 mins - 1 hr per sunny day (it's winter here btw). I have considered seeking a psychiatrist, but unfortunately the wait times are ridiculous for public help and unavailable in my area and private is just way too expensive.

well the good thing is, I'm not dead (just dead inside hahahahaha), I'm slowly getting back up on my feet, but some days have just been really difficult. Welp... so.. I guess it's best to say that Biggering will come out... When it's ready.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Now that I think about it, I wonder how much the crew keeping Izzy around after Ed shot him contributed to Ed's decision to commit suicide.

I find it impossible to believe Ed didn't know they were keeping Izzy onboard by the start of s2e2. Frenchie is acting suspicious as hell, and Ed's smart and generally good at reading people.

So, let's imagine this whole thing from Ed's perspective. He had no reason to think Izzy was genuinely trying to reach out with the "talk it through" comment, he thought Izzy was goading him again. The last time Ed dared to have feelings, Izzy threatened him about it. So Ed takes it out in front of everyone, his suicidal behavior gets worse as he waves a gun around his own head (he has to be thinking he's not doing a good enough job of being Blackbeard, since Izzy seems to be catching on), and then he shoots Izzy after Izzy blames Ed's behavior on "your feelings for Stede Bonnet."

Ed has complicated feelings about Izzy, that much is obvious. But in that moment? I imagine he had to be at least a bit relieved. Maybe, with Izzy gone, he can find the courage to go back to being Ed-

But the crew don't kill him. They keep him onboard, and they hide him from Ed. From the crew's perspective, sympathy for Izzy is understandable - they have no idea what Izzy said to Ed, so it just seems to them that Ed is taking out all his depression and anger on Izzy for some reason.

By allowing the crew to believe that Ed is just taking things out on Izzy for no apparent reason, by failing to ever own up to what he did to make Ed feel so threatened and afraid and upset, Izzy turns the narrative against Ed, and I believe that contributed to how Ed just lost all hope here.

Ed probably felt so isolated, and misunderstood, and like things would never be able to look up for him, ever again. I don't think it's a surprise Ed seems to really commit to suicide after this.

"He was your friend" hurts. It makes me so sad, thinking about what Ed must have felt when Jim said that to him. I have to think this contributed to Ed's feeling that he's fundamentally unlovabe - Izzy threatened him, kicked him when he was down, and now he has to watch Izzy get all the sympathy Ed was never afforded. And, again, it makes sense from the crew's perspective, and Ed's never even tried to explain his side of the situation, but...yikes.

Is there any wonder Ed called Izzy an "indestructable little fucker?" He just couldn't be free of Izzy in these first few episodes, and even when Izzy was being kept below decks, he was still contributing to keeping Ed isolated from the crew. Of course Ed just kept getting worse mentally, he had absolutely no support system.

[genericpuff]

"oh my god, the comic that opened its plot by saying that removing corporal punishments from schools was a bad idea and the teachers need to go back to beating up students turned out to be racist, who could have seen this coming!!"

Listen, okay, I don't want to dunk on the people who enjoy Get Schooled and genuinely didn't see the racism coming, but like... as someone who doesn't read Get Schooled and checked it out to see what the plot was even about following all the controversy these past couple days, y'all, the description is a hard fucking pass.

And I still checked out its first episode to give it more benefit of the doubt and... nah fam. Not saying we should have seen the racism coming a mile away but I'm baffled as to why people read this at all. I'm all for manga and webtoons with senseless or comical violence, but you still need to set the baseline for where that violence is taking place and what context it exists within. Naruto? Yeah, sure, students fighting the teachers, this is a fantasy universe based around the ninja arts, makes sense they're gonna fight each other and it seems like a mutual agreement. Assassination Classroom? The teacher literally isn't human and he's training his students on how to kill him otherwise he'll destroy their whole planet. Shit, even fucking Matilda handles it better because it's one kid being abused by the principal and that principal is so ridiculously abusive that the parents don't even believe the abuse is happening (to the point that this form of abuse and manipulation is often nicknamed "The Trunchbull Method" because it's designed to be so absurd that no one will believe the victim), so it winds up being on Matilda's shoulders to use her newfound gifts to teach her a lesson - but the story itself is meant to remind adults that kids are people and just because they're smaller and weaker than you doesn't give you a free pass to be abusive.

Point is, in all of those examples, you can create that suspension of disbelief in how the teachers and students behave towards one another because their entire plots require suspension of disbelief.

But Get Schooled is literally just... it's set in Korea, it's a normal high school story, there's nothing supernatural or unique going on with the students or the teachers, and there's no moral or lesson it's trying to express, it's literally just taking real life and saying, "hey, adults should be allowed to beat up kids". When has combatting violence with more violence ever been a solution in that kind of context? Why is this a comic that even exists, let alone on a platform that's regularly marketed to teenagers?

It's depressing. And just for the record, I was spurred on to make this post by the recent response from the team behind Get Schooled regarding the VERY racist plotline it recently released on the Korean version of the app.

Like... this is shit WT shouldn't have even been allowing to fly under the radar to begin with. The bar is on the floor. I also love how the creators of Get Schooled admitted to the fact that they were raised in a homogenous society but still thought they were up to the task of "bringing the issue [of multicultural racism] to light", when they, in fact, do the complete OPPOSITE within that episode by suggesting, "actually, if you're mixed race then you're the REAL bad guy, it's the pureblood Koreans who are the oppressed minority, there are so many immigrants these days!!" And "stopping hatred" sure is a big claim when the entire point of their comic is combatting hatred with hatred, or in Get Schooled's case, bullying with corporal punishment.

Yikes. Big fucking yikes.

[chaotically-coz]

WHY I FEEL BAD FOR THE LESBIANS AND THEIR FUCKASS TRAUMUTIZED CHILDREN

V was always struggling with trauma, but her family helped her attempt to get through it. Right? RIGHT?? Okay well fucking WRONG. First, her middle child (cozmic) got fucking SNATCHED by some monster energy drink man behind the slaughter (sorry cantor), and she had NO idea where she went, so yeah, the stress of having your kid MISSING, and especially cozmic because everybody knows if cozmic goes missing shes probably in the middle of the pacific ocean after getting lost on her way to claires or something idfk. ANYWAYS yeah, 1 child down two to go ig. She now has 2 children in her custody YAYY!! Oh shit? Nevermind so star got SNATCHED by some malfunctioning google assistant voiced kawai kid. AND THEY DROP LIKE FLIES!!! So two of her youngest daughters went BRRR and now shes got 1, and that 1 is NOT DOING OKAY but we’ll get into that later. Also, episode 8 happened but i lowkey forgot like half of the AU version sooo, i think J angst still happens so YEAH. ANGST WITH THE LESBIANS. But WAIT! Whats this?? STAR IS ALIVE! (for now hehehHAHHHEHHHAHHEHA-) but WOAH they gotta fight, so BOOM depressed mother fights her child. And YAYAYYAYAY they get star back!.. Right, so about that, (it might seem crazy what im bouta say/ref) yeah nevermind girl got got, MY BAD!!! Yeah no so star died in her arms.. Yikes. So YAYAYY trauma. Not mention, she could’ve gotten cozmic back, she FOUND cozmic, and she saw the horrible state she was in, but did she get her? NOPE!! Her memory was wiped, but once she got her memory back, now she can remember how she ABANDONED HER DYING CHILD! (is okay she got adopted by hatune miku and yuri) So yeah that along with memories of star DYING IN HER ARMS. oh yeah and like ALMOST KILLING her purple grape flavored wife, so yeah! Thats a memory!! Also like anons tormenting her abt her entire life bloodline and everything to come because why not:3 YAYYY PARAGRAPH FINISHED (im going to hell)

[mischas]

your most recent gifset sent me into a seth&marissa tailspin lolol. them (+kirsten) are the characters i believe were shafted the most in terms of character development (marissa moreso obviously). mischa and adam had such a natural chemistry that made seth and marissa work so well onscreen and i genuinely believe the show would’ve lasted a least a little longer had they known how to mine this dynamic. they had the same interests and they loved the same people! they even dated the same girl! there was just so much friendship potential there that got squandered away all bc js&so were too busy putting marissa through the ringer + making seth an asshole w no emotional depth.

I love Marissa/Seth with my whole heart so that makes me happy! My indie loser besties! You're right. They have the same background. They're neighbors. Their parents have a weird history/chemistry. They have the same musical tastes. They have the same favorite book. They're obsessed with the same people. They've dated the same person. They're both depressed. How the show didn't do much of anything with this beyond 102 is insane. What I love so much about 203 is how Seth's able to just exist with Marissa in silence on that bench. He's always so verbose and ridiculous (I say 75% affectionately) but at the end of 203 he and Marissa can just... exist. The two loneliest people in Newport!!!! I love that Mischa/Adam don't have romantic chemistry. I love that it's awkward. I love that you can tell Mischa loved Adam in early show press before things got weird and complicated in their group. It's the cutest thing in the world. We deserved more! *insert Mark Ruffalo we love america gif here*

I will forever mourn us not really getting emotional/melancholic Seth with just a side of clever quips. There was so much to mine with him as a character. They set it up in those first few episodes and then just... well, anyway. Shoutout to AB in 127/201/224 though.

I was just having a similar conversation with a friend the other day about how Adam/Kelly are duped by like s2 and strung along by the shit writing for the rest. And how they're such mirrors for the other in ways. Their show-best work is done in 224. It's also the end of their work having any (to me) emotional resonance. And that's a goddamn shame. Both actors also don't tow the show-line about the final year being a party and say things were lowkey Bad by s2. Adam straight up saying his effort/attitude would've been up to par if his scripts were as good as s1 is just....... crazy, lol. But I'm obsessed with his honesty. We need more of it from everyone else.

Kelly deserved SO much more, my goodness. Of all the adults. She absolutely kills her late s2 storyline only for the later Charlotte storyline to mostly benefit Melinda. Ridiculous. They get rid of Jimmy/Hailey/Caleb in the same season and Kelly no longer has anything meaningful to do. I just...... yikes. God forbid Marissa ever have an adult (or anyone) step in and give a shit about her suffering. Especially the one adult on the show that also has addiction problems. But no. Another massive shame since the first half of s1 sets Marissa/Kirsten up as generational parallels. In this essay I will

[mangoshorthand]

Girl please, I saw that coffee video before and you did good with less than a minute, because I could only bear to watch 5 seconds as with anything TUA, and most likely S4 Five, triggers me instantly.

It was my comfort show, I can't count how many times I rewatched the wedding episode. Now I can't look at any content from the show without feeling like I saw a big spider I want to run away from screaming. I still try to heal from it and it's hard, but at least I eat more now.

I tried. I really tried to understand the plot to somehow come at ease with it and to understand "the other side". I read discussions about it, but decided to stay off from them now for my mental health. I read points that it wasn't cheating, that Lila wanted a break from her unhappy marriage, and they didn't know if they will ever return. That Five grew tired from saving the world and his ungrateful family and chose his own happiness, that the development was there since season 2 (yikes he was a child). But I can't, it's still too horrible. Nobody sees the things we could have had instead.

A friend from Aidan's fandom said that more scenes from Five and Lila got cut off (thanks god) when the episodes got cut, but even with more development, the decision was shit. I know Five grew more depressed, but he was so dead as boring, S1-S3 Five you will always be famous.

Please, you, ANYONE, give me all the good fix-it fics.

What would have been your favourite and fitting ending for Five?What would you have wanted to let him go through his last journey?

For the Five I know, dying making a noble sacrifice is too easy a way to end his story, (though that is by FAR not the worst thing about this season), I think the biggest challenge for him would be to learn to live and not just survive. Five's story is a love story, but not with Lila. It's about the love he has for his family. That love was at the centre of everything he did. He's spent his whole life enduring horror after horror, just to get to this point. He thinks that once he's achieved his goal, he might not be 'happy', but he will have what he needs. But when it finally happens, and he finds himself in a safe timeline, he still feels as lonely as he did in the apocalypse.

He needs to be loved, appreciated and understood by his family, and that's the journey I would have liked to see him go on emotionally. I can see this being catalysed by him being a little selfish, by him acting out and being resentful of the siblings who aren't giving him what he needs, even though he doesn't know how to ask for it.

By the end of the arc, I would want Five's siblings to truly see him and for him to feel seen by them. He just needs a hug. I've written about this before, in my fic Alias Number Five, which I think is my best work:

It centres around a Five after season 3 who finds himself in juvie. There he finds himself in mandated therapy where he reflects on his past and present. The story ends before his arc is completely resolved, but it leaves his siblings with the understanding of what he needs and the tools to help him.

[jordansanghaislife]

I was getting clips of yesterday’s episode, and I was half watching it through, and why was that episode so weird and boring like the vibes of it were so off??? The Kimo song was fire, but the rest of the episode 😵‍💫 like yikes, and you can tell how depressed Tucker is the whole episode, like his excitement felt so forced.

[vashsscoreboardofpain]

WELCOME BACK SPORTS FANS >:]

Lets us all gather today to remember the legend 98 vash the stampede, who definitely didnt survive the augusta explosion and is not hiding his identity by letting his hair loose and wearing a simple outfit instead of his red coat.

Today the contestant has prepared an special outfit for the audience. What could he be hiding

Let us begin episode 18

SIKE! The contestant throws a flashback to the audience. And just like that he hits multiple points in one go: 1 "traumatizing event" point because someone important to him (kinda) was killed, 1 "action point" for not doing anything against knives' insults, 1 "TRAUMATIZING EVENT" POINT FOR LOSING HIS ARM WITH JUST A BULLET, 1 "TRAUMATIZING EVENT" FOR BEING VICTIM OF EXPERIMENTS WITH HIS OWN ARM, 1 "TRAUMATIZING EVENT" POINT FOR BEING FORCED TO USE THE ANGEL ARM AND 1 "BAD EVENT" POINT FOR THE WHOLE NIGHTMARE HOLY SHIT. THE CROWD GETS OFF THEIR SEATS AND CHEERS. WHAT A BEGINNING

After that shattering beginning, the contestant stays out of sight for a few minutes, waiting for the perfect chance to re enter the scene.

He enters the bar with a nice child. 1 "bad event" point because everyone aimed at him at the bar but, for a change, no one shoots at him. The contestant (in his clever disguise) gets kicked by Lina but because in this case was well deserved, the point will not be counted. Yeah, we also hate 90s writers sometimes.

But dont worry too much because the contestant has other ways to keep hitting points today. He goes outside, trying to avoid casualties. In his attempt to protect Lina, the contestant is threaten with an explosion (1 "bad event" point right there) and is obligated to bow to the criminals (1 "action" point). Now, although for most of you, dear audience, bowing is not a big deal, we are dealing with japanese media. In and outside of the trigun universe, what 98 vash eriks is doing is a drastic measure, so it will be counted.

Oh? speaking of drastic measures it seems like the bandits arent done. The contestant strikes 1 "action" point for following the indications of the bandit and act like a dog while naked. What does this action give our contestant? 1 "bad event" point because even when he did all that, he still gets shot at.

And when the audience would think they would get a break, wolfwood, our dear mvp, visits the contestant at the hospital. Even when unconscious, the contestant gets 1 "bad event" point for getting slapped in the face. Dear audience, now that the contestant is awake and that wolfwood is here, there are so many chances for him to get points.

In the talk alone he strikes 1 "bad event" point for getting visions of what he did, 1 "yikes statement" for mentioning his ache to live a quiet life after 150 years of existing and 1 "action" point for assuming wolfwood was there to make fun of him.

BUT DEAR AUDIENCE WE ARE NOT DONE. Outside of the hospital, Lina and her grandma are helping the contestant strike points. He gets 1 "action" point for trying to stop a bar fight and getting punched.

When he go back to the contestant he greets us with 1 "yikes statement" with his "whenever i do anything, people die." The crowd cries a little but wait! After wolfwood leaves, the contestant strikes 1 "action" point because of the way his face changes when knives was mentioned. He moves fast and strikes another "yikes statement" point when reflecting about his life and his attempts to get away from violence. He moves again and hits 1 "bad event" point for getting painful flashbacks of his past, 1 "yikes statement" point for asking the room what to do and 1 "action" point for crying. Its the legendary move that he usually doesnt use: The Triple Depressed Strike.

Now that he has heard the news about Lina, however, he makes a decision. And alongside it, a sad statement about not wanting to leave. 1 "yikes statement" point for him.

The contestant and wolfwood go to confront the bandits and save Lina. After that, he drops his clever disguise as eriks, and prepares to be vash the stampede once again

WOW OK this one was a heavy round dear audience. The contestant is truly giving it all. Today he got 23 points. 98 Vash broke his own record today! This means his new total is 157 points! DEAR AUDIENCE HE IS 2 POINTS AWAY FROM SURPASSING STAMPEDE VASH! INCREDIBLE!

Tune in tomorrow for more sports and for the start of his road trip with the mvp wolfwood

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Lena Horne (Cabin in the Sky, Stormy Weather)— Incredibly talented biracial actress, singer, dancer, and activist (she did so much work towards integrating audiences). Because of the racism of the era, she rarely got to be the lead actress but filmmakers loved her so much that they would often create stand alone segments within a film to highlight her beautiful singing, knowing that these segments would ultimately be cut from the film by censors in areas that forbid films with Black performers. Also, she's just so wonderful in Cabin in the Sky as a gold-digger villain who is not the least bit subtle about her intentions. I would highly recommend checking out her work.

Ginger Rogers (Swing Time, Top Hat)—Look I’ll level with you, I’ve never seen her in a musical and I know that she’s an amazing dancer and she’ll be even hotter when I finally watch Top Hat but I’m not submitting her as a dancer I’m submitting her as an ACTRESS. Her comic timing is impeccable!!!!! She’s full to bursting with life and in every role she seems to be having FUN, you can practically feel the twinkle in her eye. With her natural warmth it’s like she’s letting you in on the joke, y’all get to have this fun together! Making me laugh is hot!!! [If you'd like to see Ginger dance, videos below the cut]

This is round 3 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Lena Horne:

64.media.tumblr.com

Black American powerhouse singer and actor who faced all the usual bullshit that any BIPOC faced in vintage Hollywood and achieved legendary status anyway. Also a Civil Rights movement icon.

She was a gem

She was so beautiful and those dimples are amazing! Truly depressing how badly Hollywood treated her because she was black. I would love to have seen what she really could have been if they didn’t cast her in so many yikes roles. She’s got gorgeous eyes and that body! Her joyful smile makes happiness sexy!

Civil rights actress, singer, dancer, actress, she's got the whole package

Lena Horne was a wonderful singer and actress who largely starred in black cast musicals. While she had a lot of main stream success, she ultimately lost the lead role in showboat (a role she had played on the stage) to a white actress due to hollywood's prejudices. She was also blacklisted during the HUAC hearings, but she still managed to be hot be hot as fuck and have a career spanning decades, working with more well-known stars like Judy Garland in musicals, and working on stage and releasing albums when her hollywood career began to suffer.

Miss Horne became famous during a period of time when Hollywood had very few meaningful roles for people of color. Although she is more so known as a performer, she starred in two successful all black productions (Cabin in the Sky & Stormy Weather). If that wasn't enough, she also guest starred on the Muppets (Season 1, Episode 11)

Ginger Rogers propaganda:

She needs no introduction! An undeniable powerhouse on the dancefloor, and no less talented an actress. I once watched a compilation of cinema's greatest dance scenes and one of her and Fred Astaire's dances was featured, and one of the talking heads said he pitied her for 'having to keep up with him' - or something to that effect. Bullshit, I cry. Ginger Rogers was his absolute equal, and underplaying her incredible skill is downright criminal. I want the 'Cheek to Cheek' sequence from Top Hat to be permanently burned into my memory.

"Backwards in high heels", as the saying goes (though the pedant in me must point out that she in fact spent her fair share of time leading or dancing side-by-side). One of the earliest twinkle-toed ladies of the silver screen, and in terms of acting/persona, her balance of wide-eyed cuteness and movie-star glamour has never quite been replicated.

we all know her beloved string of musicals with fred but ginger also has an extensive and varied non-fred filmography that she's great in! a few ginger moments that are important 2 me personally ginger singing “we’re in the money” in gold diggers of 1933, complete with a verse in pig latin bc this whole movie is kinda mocking the concept of anyone actually being in the money in 1933; ginger and una merkel singing a verse of “shuffle off to buffalo” in 42nd street, providing some statler & waldorf-esque commentary on newlyweds from the upper berth of a railway car (interesting that belly was apparently a risque word in 1933 - maybe its bc the lyric is innuendo-ing about out of wedlock pregnancies - and that panties was a term for men’s underthings!); a favorite fred & ginger number

Ginger Rogers could do everything! She could sing, dance and act. She was hilarious in comedies, moving in dramatic roles (she won an Oscar for Kitty Foyle in 1940) and absolutely gorgeous!

Listen, no shade to Fred Astaire at all, but she both kept up with him step for step and then later went on to WIN AN OSCAR FOR ACTING. (which he did not.) truly a double threat!!!

One of the best dancers in Hollywood! Her work with Fred Astaire is just incredible.

ONE LINE: "Everything Fred did, Ginger did backwards and in heels" AND THEYRE RIGHT! Rogers was a total dance badass, and a lot of movie buffs know the story, but the Never Gonna Dance number from Swing Time took almost 50 takes, and allegedly by the end of filming it her white shoes had been stained pink because her feet were bleeding. As a note, she looks crazy gorgeous in this number. Watching these two dance is insane. They match up to each other in a way my mom describes as "divine" and she's right. DANCE NUMBERS!

Let's Call The Whole Thing Off (Shall We Dance, 1937, dancing starts at 3:14, they're in ROLLERSKATES)

(Ginger Rogers is the hottest woman ever to live in this number. seeing this as a teenager altered my brain chemistry)

(also watch her feet and how she moves opposite Astaire in this one. We all know our boy Freddie had that precision demon but jesus christ Miss Rogers, let a girl live!)

Pick Yourself Up, Swing Time 1936 (Everyone's seen this one but by god you are going to see it AGAIN!)

Shall We Dance, 1937 (duet begins at 2:34)

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes, Roberta 1935 (There's just something about Ginger Rogers in a slick black dress man)

The Continental, The Gay Divorcee 1934

God she's MAGIC in this one.

Gay Divorcee's Ending Montage 1934

The infamous table and chairs spin happens at about 0:49. Pay CLOSE attention to her in this bc it looks like witchcraft and I feel lightheaded whenever I watch this movie bc shes THAT awesome.

She is a miracle to watch. Sorry for the sheer amount of clips. My entire family is like madly in love with Ginger Rogers.

[themotherofhorses]

I loved your writing, and I had always thought you were a talented writer. Your handmaid series was one of my favorite Aemond series on this site. But I will not lie, I’m a bit disappointed at how easily you seem to abandon your work and followers. So many people have been anxiously awaiting the next part, which you constantly teased, only to receive a lousy “Sorry, I’m not in the right mindset” explanation for your sudden absence? Yikes. That feels like a slap in the face to your followers.

hi anon!

okay so i debated whether to answer this, and i mean i thought about it for HOURS. like pacing-in-the-kitchen + chewing on my nails + having a lil tummy ache.

yeah, maybe that “i’m not in the right mindset” explanation wasn’t the best, and at this point, i rlly don’t have anything left to lose so here is the raw and ugly truth:

(tw// mentions of depression, suicidal thoughts, and an eating disorder below.)

if you didn’t know, i was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa in the fall of 2020, along with depression and anxiety. i’ve been in recovery since then.

however, these past several weeks, i unfortunately relapsed back into my ed, and i began experiencing my heavy depression episodes. i’ve had a talk with my family, and i’ve been trying to regain my focus and strength, but its been so fucking difficult as hell.

that is why i haven’t been writing. it is so incredibly hard to find the motivation to write when you just wanna …. yknow …. die? or not exactly die but more curl up in a ball and cry your eyes out until there is nothing left inside you. fanfic writing became a strong and favorite coping mechanism of mine, and it has been so heartbreaking to feel that passion/motivation slowly die away. that is the main reason why i have decided to take a step back from writing and posting and being active on this blog.

i love my fanfics and i love all my readers. y’all have been an unexpected but greatly appreciated light in my life. y’all have genuinely given me a reason for living, as silly as that might sound.

so pls pls PLS (with a cherry on top) believe me when i say that i never mean to abandon y’all. i’m still here! i’m just trying to find myself again — and when i do, i’ll return to give y’all the best smutty fics i can whip up hehe.

to end things on a positive note, here is a picture of my sadie <33 she’s helping in keeping her momma afloat in these shitty waters.

[mossy-rainfrog]

[ID: Two digital drawings of Starbuck from Moby Dick, and an original cowboy character, labeled as Javi. In the first drawing, Starbuck and the cowboy interact at a tavern bar, glasses close at hand. Javi leans in to Starbuck's space and toys with Starbuck's cravat, untucking it from his shirt. Starbuck smiles back at him with a weary, yet curious expression.

The second drawing is a series of doodles centering around the cowboy from the chest up. First, he kisses Starbuck with a slight smile. Starbuck leans into the kiss with scrunched eyes. The next doodle shows Javi holding his hat to his chest and looking up, saying "ma'am" to someone off screen. The final doodle shows him smiling tiredly off to the side.

Character designs: Starbuck is a lean white man with short red wavy hair, a short mustache, and many freckles. He wears a gray vest over a light shirt, with a blue cravat tucked in. The cowboy is a midsized tan Spanish man who bears resemblance to Captain Ahab. He has greying straight hair pulled back in a ponytail, and a short, full beard. He has stud gold earrings, and wears an 1800's cowboy vest and cowboy hat, over a light colored shirt. He has a scar over the back of his right hand. End ID.]

happy thanksgiving i fucking guess, I finally finished my babygirl fic, affectionately dubbed The Cowboy Fic because. well. of the cowboy.

anyways go read my pre-canon novel abt starbuck having his queer awakening mid-depressive episode and realizing that oh, no, he actually is in love with Ahab! who might be dead. yikes. surely starbuck can handle this new information normally. surely. :)