#despite still staying in that toxic environment that every day pressured him to give in

[dazais-guardian-angel]

it’s sad that a lot of people truly don’t realize how incredibly hard it is for Dazai to make the choice to do things the way he does now in his new lifestyle, every single day. Healing and changing your way of doing things to heal is incredibly hard; it is an active choice you are making at every moment, fighting uphill, because it doesn’t come naturally like it does for anyone who hasn’t been through trauma and/or is dealing with mental illness. It’s hard, and so many days it’d be easier to just give up and revert back to old habits. But Dazai almost never has, even when constantly surrounded by toxic influences that remind him of his old life, and he is so incredibly strong for that.

[weltenwellen]

Hello, I'm really sorry for bothering you with this.. but you are so good at giving advice I thought maybe I'd be able to reach out. I'm so sorry if I mess up my wording. I'm not the best speaker and get jumbled easily

Back in August I had attempted suicide by overdose after one of my friends had shared very personal information aboute that I had kept hidden from everyone. I made a lot of mistakes in my current relationship that ties in heavily with my bpd and having very large "memory gaps." That when everything was laid out on the table it put me in a tailspin. My SO (who I had hurt the most) still decided to stay with me.

I had no memory of a lot of the things I had done and I hurt a lot of people because of it (these things include having been pressured into sex twice and manipulated by several people I had otherwise called "friends" into sexual activities over text.). For a week after getting out of the hospital I was in a deep state of dissociation caused by the ptsd of having the people I'm closest to lash out at me. And I'm still recovering today, I can't take medications and any kind of stress makes me physically ill.

Anyways, my SO had me move in with him 400 miles from where I used to live. We had been LD for a little over 3 years. And now that I'm living with him we had begun to fight more often. He has bipolar and sometimes our illnesses butt heads. He says how he can't look at me sometimes, how he doesn't feel like he's in love with me, how he wishes we could go back to what we were. And I've learned my lesson. I no longer want to hide from anyone or live in a false reality from all the denial.

Over the last three months of me living with him it had gotten to the point where he had gone behind my back to have sexual encounters with a girl he had told me they were just friends and he's never had any interest in her... It had taken me two years to trust him with her, and be comfortable with him going to see her since she struggles with suicide as well. And it hurts a lot.

I am now trapped between, I deserved this for my mistakes and being hurt that he did this to me when I've spent the last 6 months doing everything in my power to be the best I can be. He's told me it wasnt his idea and he regretted it immediately. He's asked me to forgive him and to trust him again. But I'm struggling. I had only found out by looking through his phone (which I'm not proud of, I had just caught him in one lie and needed to know if there was more)

A lot of people have told me to leave but I can't do that, I do still love him more than anything in my life. Despite how bad it's gotten he has treated me better than anyone else in my life. I mostly just.. don't know how to move forward. Most days I'm numb to it but it'll pop up and make me feel so sick from stress. I need to know whether or not I'm... Reacting normally..? Or if I'm overthinking everything because I do that so often...

“I deserved this for my mistakes and being hurt that he did this to me” is not a thought that should make you stay with someone and beyond that, it’s not something from which a relationship can grow from & become healthy. there is no basis of trust & what is any relationship without it? on both sides there is and was dishonesty with him not even being honest and upfront about his infidelity. 

“Despite how bad it's gotten he has treated me better than anyone else in my life.” sounds like you’re at least to some degree aware that you're staying in a relationship which is toxic and is not going anywhere. i think it’s not even about the relationship but about your lack of self-esteem and respect for your own well-being. you do not leave because you think you deserve this relationship because of the mistakes you made and the lack of self-esteem makes it impossible for you to think you deserve better, for you to know that you deserve to be treated with kindness and be loved fully. your stress exists because you’re not at peace with your past & because you’re in an unhealthy relationship. those two things intertwined are a ticking time bomb. a lack of certain standards in relationships because of a lack of self-love always reminds me of a quote from the netflix special called “jigsaw” by daniel sloss where he says: 

“You have to learn to love yourself before you can allow someone else to do it as well. That’s it. There’s nothing wrong with being single. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. There’s nothing wrong with taking time for yourself to work out who you are before you go out there into the dating world, because how can you offer who you are if you don’t know who you are? There’s nothing wrong with being selfish for a bit because you’ve got the rest of your life to be selfless.

If you only love yourself at 20%, that means somebody can come along and love you 30% and you’re like, “Wow, that’s so much.” It’s literally less than half. Whereas if you love yourself 100%, that means a person that falls in love with you has to go above and beyond the call of duty to make you feel special, and that’s something every one of us deserves.”

take the necessary steps to seek distance to this relationship. if you feel like you cannot end it right now that’s ok but you need to eliminate the daily stress that is coming from this relationship. sort out what has taken place, how you feel / felt and find out how you want to move forward. I think it is hard if not impossible to do that in an unhealthy / toxic environment and while living with him.

[leesuhyo]

Let’s talk about trauma.

(TW for trauma, obviously) 

My parents always tell me how I was a quirky and cheerful child when I was little. Now the quirkiness is only there when I fake it. 

I started school at the age of three. Kindergarten was fun, people there was okay. Sometimes they were mean, but it’s fine. I was happy. My teachers were nice.

Timeskip to primary school at six. Initially, I thought people would be the same, since it was the same school and all of my kindergarten friends were there. I thought the teachers would be nice.

They were not. 

You learn quickly to not step out of line, because there would be consequences. If you even whisper in the corridors after assembly, detention for you. If you were even late to school for a minute, you stand next to the stairwell where the whole school gets to look at who is late, even though most people don’t. If you made a mistake, the teacher stands you outside the staffroom, and yells so loudly people in the upper and lower floors could hear. 

Public humiliation was the most common form of punishment. It wasn’t encouraged, but girls can be mean at that age. Gradually peer pressure usually sets the norm. 

If you don’t have a ‘friend group’ you’re weird. 

Soon you learn to avert people’s eyes, even if they don’t have ill intentions. 

You learn to jump whenever a teacher walks too close to you while lining up, because they scrutinise you, and drag whoever’s talking out and give them a severe scolding. 

You learn to run to school, desperately trying not to be late because even if you were late due to traffic, you were still punished 

You learn to fit into the norms, painfully, because your peers laugh at you if you don’t.

 You learn to mistake even light-hearted teasing as scolding, because it usually starts that way. They ask you a rhetoric question, and it spirals into yelling. 

You learn. 

And that’s how the trauma sets in.

Secondary school at twelve. Pretty much nothing changed, except there is more homework, and more classes. More teachers to take note of, who to avoid and who to curry favour with. You learn to manipulate teachers to your favour, until you’re their favourite student. Even though you hate their subject. 

You then learn more about the world. But not the right way, because this is a Catholic school. You learn that homosexuality is a sin. That mental illnesses exist, but they’re bad. That the internet is dangerous. That swearing is bad. And so on.

You also learn that boys are weird, because this was a girl’s school and there were no men, except for male teachers. Your classmates say all sorts of strange things about boys. They’re weird, but they’re cute. Going to after-school tutorial classes with students from that boys’ school down that road makes you feel weird, and you feel instinctively defensive despite them not looking at you. 

Sixteen. First year of public exams. You sleep at 2am, drag yourself out of bed at 7am to arrive at school at 8am. You’re tired all the time, but your peers are tired all the time too. I slept at 1am. Oh yeah? Well I slept at 2am. The continued toxic cycle of bad habits. 

The only source of happiness around you comes from your favourite singer, because back then you’re struggling to find friends after your best friend transferred schools due to her depression. You try to write down a list of reasons of why you liked him to remember how to feel. Ew, what are you doing? 100 reasons why I like ____? That’s so creepy. You stay silent, turn a new page, and continue writing stories to drown out the maths lecture going on. 

You start healing a little when you were sixteen. You start to get angry at social issues, and managed to find your own group of misfits who doesn’t want to follow the norm. You start to feel at home at your drama group, where you applied for, out of a leap of faith. 

Do you want to study overseas? 

Seventeen. Your mother suggested for you to study overseas, and you don’t want to, because you only just found your friends. But you don’t have a choice, because your old school doesn’t have the only subject you’re good at. You found out later through a scolding in the corridor by the headmistress that in fact, they did have that subject after you applied for it, and you’re a traitor for ‘betraying the school’s trust’. 

Seventeen. You start studying at a new school in another country twelve hours’ flight from home, a new environment. And you’re panicking because you had arrived two weeks late and everyone has friends. You throw yourself into your schoolwork to distract yourself from the creeping depression, and stay close to the teachers. You avoid your classmates, girls who seemed so much confident of themselves and boys. Suddenly your determined plan to make a new role for yourself seem insignificant. 

And then one of the girls started approaching you. You feel wary because your past experience taught you girls cannot be trusted. But she was friendly, and you decided to get a little closer. Nonetheless, your only trusted figure is your house parent, who is so kind as to stay behind every night to listen to your crying and ranting. 

Halfway through the year. Your older cousin, an established and popular prefect at the school, became one of your topic starters and you decided to let your guard down a little. You’re still wary of the group of girls who were first introduced to you though, because they wear makeup, they were interested in fashion, they were girly and popular, people your past experience had taught not to associate with. 

(You also learn that the teachers are nice. They aren’t strict authority figures, and were bewildered why you didn’t go to them for help when you needed it, because you learnt to keep quiet and just power your way through things. You slowly learn to stop flinching at a raised voice, and even found your teachers for insignificant things. Staying behind to talk about his favourite book, for example.) 

Christmas came, and you became reluctant to leave the school to your parents. After Christmas break though, you were reluctant to go back to the school because you had no friends. Nonetheless you went back, and made new friends in the year above you. You slowly grow back into the community and even laughed with your new friends. 

And then your house parent told you she’s changing jobs. You cried a lot, but she promised to write. She tells you to seek out one of the school nurses. You did. To this day she’s still your confidant. 

Then coronavirus struck. Your closest friend decided not to go back, because her parents were afraid of her staying in a high-risk country. You throw yourself into prepping for your university applications, because that’s the only goal in front of you now. 

It was announced prefects were being chosen. In your old school leadership positions were widely sought after and considered a badge of honour, so you try to take on as many as possible. The teachers told you it was a bad idea, but you did it anyways. It was only later you realised, the responsibility attached was more than the honour it gives. 

(You weren’t chosen for prefect, but it was okay. The teacher was biased anyways)

September 2020. Coronavirus is still an issue, but you decided to go back to school. You were still afraid, but you had friends ( - acquaintances, really) and a few valuable leadership positions that gives you a purpose. You steel yourself anyways, because the dormitory you were about to move into don’t have any of your old friends. 

October 2020. You have new friends. You managed to piece your life together, and for the first time, you actually have a decent social life. But beneath the facade, you’re still afraid. You’re still nervous. You’re still afraid of getting close to people, because what if they abandon you?  

But it didn’t matter. You’re healing. 

[inquisitive-mess]

This is a continuation to this post since I want expand upon it on it. I’m going go full detail on how Anne(Ann) transformation happen and what this cause her. And I like to thank @thenicestnonbinary for inspiration and help.

Most of her life(past and current) Ann was bought up to stay composed and show no weaknesses. Despite seeing her friends dying front of her eyes, watched people rise and fall due to power/greed, and close to death door; She remind calm and only revealed her feels to who she was close to(her husband, children, and her sister, Cathy). It’s when she got reincarnated to modern time when her troubles began. Her being reincarnated into adolescent and not knowing anything about the times made her a easy target to a horrible caretaker who did everything in their power to make her feel like crap. After so many years of neglect and verbally abused, she was free from that place, but it cost her emotional state to be damaged a little. No matter how much she try to forget all of the negative thoughts she heard and abuse she dealt with, she can still hear them every once in a while, but she was able to block them out and had some help with her support stuff animal friend, Vincent. It also didn’t help that she was working a toxic environment, where she felt like she was back in 1500′s, to help pay for university.

As time passed, her emotional state started to crumb little by little, but she continue to hide it from everyone, ever thought it was straining her physical . It last until she got her current job that her life changed. She was able start healing from her past experiences and the whispers slowly turn silent. When she learn the queens return, she was so happy and couldn’t wait to see them, but stopped herself when she saw picture of them smiles and laughing on their social media page. As she was looking through their page at the multiple of pictures, she slowly begin think on her past life and flashbacks of their death appeared, but shook it off as she didn’t want this to effect her. She was happy for them, because their past life wasn’t good and they need this. She decide to leave them alone because their happiness was more important than her own and she doesn’t want to ruin what have going on. This of course cause the whispers to come back with the addition of her guilt from her past life returning and her emotional state to begin cracking again, which started her steps to her transformation.

As days goes by, she continue with her life as her emotional and physical state was slowly breaking her due to her guilt and past abuse. She try to fight it everyday, but it started to affect her work and she decide to closed her shop, until she can figure out what going on. As she about to lock up her shop, she overheard two people walking behind her talking about Six. She stop for a bit and this made her little happy inside, but her happiness stop when they mention LiW band members and one asked why Anne(herself) wasn’t part it due to her serving all the queen. When she heard the other answer, this made her very sick and went back into her shop. She lock the door and try to collect herself. She started to get light headed and decide to head to her work area, so she can take a seat. As she was doing that, her vision started to get blurry and she stop dead in her track when she heard a booming voice. Anne turn around and look everywhere to see where it came from, but saw nothing. She turn back when she saw a full shadowy figure with half a face appear in front for her. She back up out of surprised and figure laughed at her

They started to saying all of the things she been told throughout her time in orphanage, like call her name, putting her down, and saying she not wanted. She talk back to the figure telling it that wasn’t true, but figure chuckled a bit and ask her if that was true, then why doesn’t she have any friends and why is she all alone. Before she can answer, they told her that it’s because she really was a horrible person and no better than those corrupted, heartless, power hungry courtier all those years ago. This struck her a bit and she started to shaking from it. The figure smiled at her reaction and went on explaining why. They talk about all of her regrets she withhold for so long, how she disguise her to be this innocent lady to only betray them by not saying to protect them, and her advises was nothing but toxins that ruins people lives. Anne try her best to block all the words out and end up falling on her knees due to the pressure. The figure stop for bit look at state she was in and finally said with the giant grin that she was reason for most of her friends deaths. This complete destroy her emotionally and physically. Then they said that she the reason for Boleyn’s, Howard’s, and Askew’s deaths and how she could stop it, if she actually cared and got involved; How she could help Aragon and Cleves out, so they wouldn’t be discarded and died alone; Helped Jane out more, so her death was less painful; And how she let and approved her sister to marry that horrible monster of a man to die giving that man a child. Anne did nothing, but listened to what was they said, took in everything her heard, broke down, and admit that they was right about everything.

This was trigger that started her transformation and her whole body suddenly burst into pain. It started with hands as they were breaking, nail changing to black and shaping into claws, As her hands slowly shaping into something paw like, a voice rang in her head “Mija, I can’t believe you let him hurt me and sent me away. Your mother would have been disappointed in you.” Her forehead then begin to form four bulbs on it and felt something sharp underneath them. She grab her head with her deform paws, fell on her side, closed her eyes, and try to block out the pain. While she try blocking out the pain, two other voices rang “You let them kill me, petite merde. How could you let that happen? I though we were friend or was that a lie too.” “ I shouldn’t have trust you. You let them killed a child and let me get hurt again. You’re suppose to protect me and be my friend. I should of gave my jewels to someone else.” The pain increase as her arms, legs, and chest was reforming her body to a quadruped creature and increase in muscle mass. She started to cry some more as the pain was too much and try to call for help, but couldn’t say anything due to her mouth was reshaping itself to increase her fangs and addition of new ones. The bulbs soon burst and four horns begin to grow out of it. This freak her out and new voice rang “ Why did they let you be part of my funeral and watch my son be baptizes? You heathen. You let my son grow up without his mother and it all your fault.”  She couldn’t understand why this was happening and try again to ask for help, but this time the figure intervene. They grab her by the neck, told her that she has no right to ask for anything, and should feel what the others felt. And with that, the figure soon took away her voice, let go of her, and new one rang “Look like you got what you deserved. After all, you didn’t use your voice to stop those courtier making fun of me, so why should you still have it, Hündin.” Her transform still continue as her feet destroy her shoes and turn into paw, small deep orange brown hair begin to grown, and her hands completely turn into paws.

She though she was over when a large jolt of pain shot up her spine and felt huge pressure on her shoulder blades and tail bone. She got on all fours and felt everything building up even more to the point where she had no choice and clawed her clothes off with two new voices. “It’s your fault I died Ann. You didn’t say anything, you let them torture me. Honestly, sometimes I regret burning in your place. It should’ve been you instead.” “Ann, why didn’t you help me? Why did you let him find me? I never wanted to be queen, but you said nothing even as he demanded my hand. Why didn’t you say anything?” When she did that, the pressure on her shoulder blade release itself and wings came out of it, her tail bone spread out revealing a scorpion tail forming, and spike and needles begin to sprout all over her body. All she can do is cry, heard all of voices continue to haunting her, and enduring the pain that was still happening for her. Her tail fully developed, wings was completely spread out, fur cover her body, spikes and needles in full display, and her whole head reconstructed itself to resemble a loin with ears matching it. The transform was completed.

Once she was done, she open her eyes, readjusted herself to her new heighten senses, walk to her area which had many monitors, and looked at her form on the reflection of them. The figure appear behind her only smiling and said before disappearing that she finally in her true self and won’t be able to hide it anymore. Once they disappear, Ann sat down, put one of her paws on nearby monitor screen, and look down in defeat accepting that this is who she truly is.

She deserved to be all alone in this world.

[gcldveins]

hello i’m back with another senior citizen and i am incredibly sorry .. i finished s3 of ozarks n couldn’t help myelf :/// but ANYWAYS this is gabriel taylor, laura’s shitty dad ! uwu

basics

✎⌠jason bateman. cis male. he/him⌡❝ — well, look who’s just arrived ! if it isn’t the one and only gabriel taylor. though, around here they’re known as the fortress. don’t tell ‘em i said this but the fifty-one year old lawyer kinda has a reputation of being cold and enigmatic. but y’know, they can be driven and astute too. typical capricorn. anyways, welcome home and stay safe gabe ! ❞

statistics

full name: gabriel jebediah taylor

nickname(s): gabe, sometimes

date of birth: january 7th, 1970

hometown: misty hollow, connecticut.

gender identity: cis gender

preferred pronouns: he/him

sexual orientation: heterosexual

hogwarts house: slytherin

aesthetic: crisp collars, silver tie pins, the smell of fresh laundry, hollow smiles, always a handshake, never a hug, leather briefcase always on hand, a glass of single malt scotch, perfect posture, the sound of waves softly lapping at the shore, thunderstorms with no rain. 

distinguishable characteristics: always Clean

their song from the sigh no more album bc i love this album and it makes me Sad™ : dust bowl dance 

background ( emotional, physical abuse tw )

born and raised in misty hollow, gabriel’s family has relatively deep roots within the town. the man comes from old money, with all the law firms he owns having been passed down from generation to generation. his father was a part of this business and his mother, on the other hand, is your typical southern belle, moved here from a small town in texas. she was a corporate lawyer ( it’s how she met gabriel’s father ) but since becoming a mother she really has had no interests in any other occupation other than trophy wife and socialite.

to say that gabriel’s parents were old school would be putting it lightly. basically, both of his parents were deeply religious republicans and were very aware of their image as a family. they were harsh parents, extremely controlling when it came to their children’s lives but at the same time were also really emotionally absent. to this day they still believe that it was all in the name of tough love but obviously it was just emotional abuse. 

his father was especially hard on gabriel, he was a strong believer in physical discipline and thought gabriel to be too “soft”. he was always berating him, punishing him for petty offences, and pretty much just fostering your typical environment of toxic masculinity. though he never laid a hand on gabriel’s sister as she was what he called, “a lady” and his “pride and joy.”

but gabriel was a good kid, he was obedient aside from stupid mistakes that kids are bound to make. he was your typical golden boy, a jack of all trades of sorts. not exceptionally good at one thing, but averagely good at a multitude of things. he was a quick learner and dedicated, anything he took a crack at, he eventually excelled in. but all those opportunities he was given as a child; being able to practice multiple instruments, getting extra coaching and tutoring in activities of his choice — definitely gave gabriel a leg up among his peers. 

throughout high school, he mostly kept to himself, choosing to focus on his education and after graduating, he went to harvard where he earned a dual degree in business and law and carried on through with law school. the plan was to move to boston where the business’ main office was and work for his father, making his way up until he was ready to inherit it all himself.

ok this is where things get shoddy cause everything from above is part of an old intro so if this doesn’t make sense dont look at me ndfjsndjk but i imagine this is where gabe met his future wife ? i don’t want to set anything in stone for when that role gets picked up but ! gabe’s always been .. well-meaning, for a lack of a better word. like in the beginning he initially wanted to go into criminal law and become a prosecutor before his dad pressured him into staying in corporate. these good intentions were really able to develop during his time away from home, i think. he was able to develop his own opinions and views, different from his parents.

but gabriel’s always lived to serve and aims to please, giving himself to others until there’s nothing left. and he still has this really messed up view of his relationship with his parents, especially his dad. it’s just something he’s never been able to shake. out loud, he would never utter a word against them and in his head, he’s justified his father’s actions, forcing himself to think of it in a way that made it okay because putting his actions under any other sort of light would have felt like he was betraying him.

and while he didn’t have the same dreams and ideologies as his father, gabriel felt as if there was really no choice other than to adapt. it’s what’s been expected of him since he was born. so, he poured himself into his work despite hating every minute of it, his pride preventing him to be the one to drive generations of hard work into the ground. and gabriel was good at it, like really good. and he let himself believe he loved what he did, associating the feelings of success with enjoyment.

and in regards to his own family, i think that things in the beginning were good and almost picturesque, y’know? like the vision of a white-picket-fence type of family. but as the years went on, the more time he spent working with his father and the family business, he subconsciously allowed his father’s habits and tendencies into his own head. He succumbed to his parents’ influences and allowed their ideas of success and vision for his and his family’s future to become his own.

and i think one day gabriel looked in the mirror and straight up did not like what he saw. he’s fully aware of the mistakes he’s made in the past and he feels the heft of those mistakes everyday, but what is he supposed to do now ? it’s too late, he’s too far in. and so gabe did what he does best, he compartmentalized and began distancing himself from the family. spending more time at the office than at home because the farther you are away from people, the less likely you are to hurt them right ? 

personality

i’m gonna keep this loose cause i’ve noticed i tend to diverge from them a bit when i actually start playing my muses !

but gabriel is the fakest mf you’ll ever meet. all smiles and formalities, he’s like a goddamn politician i hate it. but i think if he were ever to let this decades long charade fall, everything just falls apart for him, y’know? his emotional sitch is like a house of cards, everything being perfectly curated and placed

he’s incredibly loyal to his family, he’d do anything to protect his family. and like sure, he loves them more than anything, but i think this loyalty comes more so out of duty than love, y’know ?

smart as a whip, always calculating and very cunning. the dude’s a shark in the courtroom and has he done morally questionable things to win a case? probably

idk i think... gabriel as a whole is a moral grey area. i rlly do love him and this version of him is always fun to play but we ! shall see ! 

[angryalbicocca]

So I want to share an experience, and to vent a little.

I was in an organization, which I won't name in fear of being recognized. Let's say we created enjoyable content together. I joined this organization in my first year of high school (I'm in my fourth, and in Italy you do five total years of high school), and at first everything went fine! I had finally something to do that gave me joy and satisfaction, let alone a new place in which I could improve my skills and make new friends. The head of this group was a guy, eight years more than me but overall very nice and funny, he made the lessons a lot more enjoyable other than you absorbing content from a professor, which I appreciated. He always put himself out more as an older brother towards everyone, rather than a teacher, and had more or less a bond with everyone.

Now this is important.

Mind you, most of us were all teenagers, and this bond not only was of affection, but of utmost respect. He was a leader, and had the skills of one, so much that I, but also the most of us, would defend him in any circumstance. This, and many misunderstandings between us and the school set the ground to split up and start anew with a brand new organization, which we and our families had to support financially on our own to get it going.

At first I was determined to go on, but I think this was when things started going south, when the responsibilities grew, when money got involved. If before you could ditch some lessons but had to attend when the moment to share the content with the public came closer, now you couldn't miss any lessons amymore. Being late was never tolerated, but now more than ever. If you said you were sick, the response was always "are you really that sick?". I was okay with these rules, I thought they were okay. But life isn't always made of one thing, and only recently I noticed I had planned my life to accomodate their needs and not mine. - So no, I'm sorry Courtney, I can't go out with you... I know it's your birthday but I can't! They'll kill me! - This "I have to do it for them" mindset led me to go when I was the sickest, and fortunately they said I could stay home. "you might pass it onto others, also!".

I endured these policies, and made fantastic memories anyway, for the love of what I was doing. I was always the first to volunteer for side projects, always the first to help with lots of things, but my help was never recognized, it was always as if it was required and not appreciated as something nice I had done. So month after month I paid and I paid, until at some point I started growing my friendships on the side. Spending time in a different way, doing things I actually liked. At that point I started to notice.

Other than the fact that the time was not enough anymore to do everything and to do it well, I started losing interest, losing passion, and carrying on my duties not as excited as I was before, they were now a burden for me. I was starting to look impatiently at the clock, waiting to go home, I started hoping for something to happen to me so I couldn't go, or for the lesson to be canceled that week, at least one of them. I started being anxious, because not having interest would mean I would procrastinate my work and going there with no work done would mean being scolded in front of everyone and for the Director to lose trust of me. (At this point, I was very close with him, but out of the blue he drifted away and that leaves me very confused as to why to this day, but that's another story).

The more time passed, the more I started to think "What if I left???", This scenario was the best for everyone: I wouldn't slow down the group and I wouldn't stress my soul out for something I didn't care anymore for!

And as soon as these thoughts occurred, I started to open my eyes. The Guy, the boss, was not the hero I was convincing myself he was, trough my mom I started to notice some little things that he would do or say to other people, the difference he made between people and how they were affecting some of my close friends, how they were very wrong and mean. Not to mention, I got a 'solo work', let's call it this way, that was taken away from me and given to someone else (clearly better than me, but still) no explanation, no questions asked. One day I didn't have that work anymore assigned to me and that was it. I was profoundly hit and at this point, after years of contribute I had given that never saw an hint of recognition, this killed whatever interest I had left in me.

I started to think for real for real that I was better off away from this environment, and seeing how I reached for every little thing that could help me stay home instead of going, I really had to act fast. Thank goodness my family was really supporting, and despite it coming out of nowhere for them, being the fact that I seemed very attached to this activity, they helped me and reassured me every step of the way. I gathered some courage and told the truth to the Director.

At first he said that it was my decision, so I was up to do what was the best for me, then he said something strange, like 'everyone is important, no one is essential' (which is true but a bit mean???), So I left, relieved that everything was okay. But it wasn't.

I started receiving messages from him, basically he said that it was not possible that I had done it for myself only, that I clearly had issues at home or school, that he didn't recognize me, that something was up. He even reached for my mother, to ask her if she could convince me into going back, which she responded with 'leave her time, leave her be' . The pressure I felt at that moment in my life was overwhelming, all my fears and anxieties were manifesting, but I managed to pull through, finally closing this once and for all.

Now everything is fine, I had an hard time dealing with this situation, and after three months, at last I also left the group chat, which I hadn't for fear of questions and trashtalk.

What I wanted to say, telling this story is THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.

It was obviously kind of a professional relationship but it still was toxic! All the anxiety I suffered at the thought of leaving and actually doing it is due to the relationship of friendship/submission he created, I was too afraid to disappoint him to do what was best for me: I couldn't skip lessons when I felt barely alive, I couldn't say I was sick because I was never sick enough to stay home, for FOUR YEARS I neglected myself to help them and I was never thanked once or given credit, I always put myself in the first line, always, and never got recognition for it, I was terrified at the thought of getting out of that situation because it was the only one I've ever known for basically all my late adolescence, it was my only certainty for a lot of time, and this made it terribly difficult.

All the hours I spent torturing myself with paranoias of them talking shit behind my back for leaving, all the fear I felt, should have never even been an option. When you have to leave something for whatever reason, you have the right to do it SAFELY and PEACEFULLY. You don't have to be pressured to stay, and if you feel like I felt GET OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! THIS IS TOXIC AND IF YOU WAIT EVEN A LITTLE MORE YOU'LL END UP SCARRED FOR LIFE.

Stay safe, you matter above all else, your emotions matter, your emotions are valid, don't bottle up your thoughts, they are there for a reason, especially if they are persistent. Give yourself credit, your instinct is almost always right.

Be safe.

[wanlidas-archive]

“i do [want to talk].  i wanna talk about your mom,  and that game,  and me needing to meet my sponsor this morning because that’s how badly i needed a drink.  i wanna talk about all the stuff we normally talk about before we messed things up with the kiss.  i mean,  hooking up made things weird between us and i hate that.  you’re my best friend,  and i realize now that i need that more than i need a boyfriend.  i just don’t wanna risk losing you.”

asher isn’t the reason that olivia wanted a drink.  being with asher is not a trigger for olivia in the way that jordan warned her it might be  (  although he wasn’t in the wrong for considering it.  )   being in a relationship,  at all,  is a reminder that she’s just not fully in the position to be like that with someone.  her feelings for asher are still real,  she still wants to be with him at some point,  but the timing isn’t right for her as she’s still recovering and dealing with everything that’s happening around her.

right now,  asher is the one consistent thing in her life.  he’s the only person aside from her family  (  and that includes spencer  )  that has continued to support her,  be by her side,  consistently + repeatedly remind her that she isn’t alone and that she has him.  he’s her best friend,  someone that she sees as sort of a reflection of herself in the way that he recovered from his own problems and found a way to make such big leaps forward.  she’s proud of him,  and when she helps him with his feelings and his fears and his worries,  she feels stronger herself.

asher hasn’t always been that person for her,  but he is right now and what they’ve built is lasting.  this is so important that he’s here for her in this way now,  in a time where the girl she thought was her best friend has actively put her into situations that she knew would make her uncomfortable,  purposefully trying to hurt her.  because while olivia knows layla is going through something tough right now,  and she so badly wants to help her,  it doesn’t excuse the lines that layla has crossed here  (  something olivia usually tries to push aside  )   —-  especially considering how deeply rooted their problems already were.  layla repeatedly belittled olivia for her addiction and there’s just no way for olivia to keep feeling safe around layla,  which is obviously hard because olivia still desperately wants to help her,  but layla’s attempts to hurt olivia worked.  olivia is very perceptive;  she understands why people do the things they do,  even when they’re hurting others.  part of her knows that layla was just acting out to comfort herself and that it wasn’t really about olivia ——  but there were lines crossed,  and when it brings in olivia’s addiction,  it’s worse.  because she didn’t just make fun of her addiction;  she threw a party in an environment that olivia has been very vocal about not wanting to be in,  and forced her to be there,  and this goes back way farther than the current fight they’re having.  there are problems they’ve had with each other that were never resolved.  there’s a reason that olivia tried to take a break from their friendship,  because she felt like it was too one-sided  (  which is hard for her to admit,  because she loves layla so much and she knows what she did herself was the worst thing a friend could do and would never try to disregard that  )  but she tried to take a stand for herself,  and instead of sticking to it,  she ran back to help her and silenced herself yet again.  her friendship with layla has been complicated for a long time,  but she’s finally seeing that her relationship with her is not just a toxic one,  but a dangerous one for olivia to be in,  considering the positions she was put in.

olivia doesn’t feel safe with layla  (  and also,  wants her to have her space in hopes that she will get her own recovery too  ),  her brother is trying to understand how to balance his life now that it’s all changed and trying to figure out how to be a father and give simone a support system,  her parents are still fighting,  spencer is trying to figure out why his father left.  right now,  asher is olivia’s one safe place.  because while he’s going through his own things too,  he’s the one person who is actively thinking of her and her needs  ——  not to the fault of the others,  because they’re clearly going through their own problems and she 100% understands them not always considering her  (  because she understands that they don’t see addiction as a 24/7 thing  )  ——  but asher is going out of his way to do so,   doing things like ensuring she has a way of contacting her sponsor despite not being on edge.  and it’s that kind of thought process that she’s been hoping the other people in her life could adapt.   with asher,  nothing scares her more than losing that safe place that she has with him.   asher makes her feel like she’s allowed to think about herself,  she’s allowed to be hurting.  because olivia rarely gives herself that chance;  she hates burdening others with her problems,  but asher makes her feel safe enough to do it.  like i said,  it’s not that others don’t give her that,  because laura, jordan, and spencer have all provided her with that too,  but it’s a constant with asher,  especially lately.  

while her feelings for asher are very much real,  and still something she’s processing,  and she wants to believe that this is the right time for them,  it’s not.  it doesn’t mean there’s no hope for them,  and i think they both know that too,  but she’s no in the place for a boyfriend.  she wasn’t ready for a boyfriend and didn’t want to focus on dating when she started dating chris,  either  ——  but she wanted to believe she was in a good place,  and he was new to her and she couldn’t help what she felt for him.  if layla hadn’t given asher and olivia a reason to force themselves to talk about their feelings,  they probably wouldn’t have for a long time later.  and olivia would have been okay with that,  because she’s still processing her feelings for him and still trying to understand what that means for her,  but because it was all brought up,  she had to tell herself it was okay and thought she had to convince herself she was ready for it.  and now it’s not,  and she doesn’t want to end that because she doesn’t want to lose what they have  /   lose hope for their future,  but it’s not the right time for her.

chris was her first real boyfriend,  her first time feeling some sort of stability with a significant other,  so that’s something she’s still learning too.  but the transition from a best friend to a boyfriend is something that is way different entirely,  and she definitely didn’t know how to do that with asher.  olivia is the kind of person that buries herself in other people’s problems not just to distract herself from her own pain,  but as a way to cope with it  (  to counteract it and feel like she is doing something better than what she could be doing instead,  and she’s really good at that.  )  her relationships with chris and asher are different in that with chris,  she was still getting to know him,  and they didn’t see each other all the time.  her time spent with him still had that newness to it in that they didn’t have to spend all their time making out,  etc.  when she transitioned from being a friend with asher to being a girlfriend,  she didn’t know how that worked ——  because they see each other all the time,  and they talk all the time.  but now they have to figure out how to balance what they were as friends with all of this new stuff  ——  and olivia isn’t quite ready to jump into that.  that’s why she has problems focusing on just kissing asher;  she wants to talk.  she is used to constantly showing him how much she cares for him,  and she NEEDS to be able to do that,  and she does that best with her words.  asher said something about being compared to spencer,  and that’s something olivia knew that bothers him,  and that’s why she instantly wanted to talk about that,  because she’s used to comforting him in that way,  not by being physical.  in a way,  they were putting pressure on themselves to act a certain way as boyfriend / girlfriend,  and they didn’t need to - they need to take things very slowly and find what works for them,  not just what they think is supposed to be for them.

to say that asher was a trigger for her is to invalidate what she’s been saying all along:  that she has to make an active choice to stay sober every single day.  asher is the one person who is making her feel seen right now,  and invisibility is what led her to addiction in the first place.  her addiction is something that has been thrown in her face a lot lately,  so it’s even more present on her mind,  more than it already always is.  jordan was still right in some way,  being with asher is scary because it could be a reminder of the last time they were together,  when olivia was at the worst place in her life,  but she doesn’t associate the relationship she has with him now with what they had together that night.  their hook up is and always will be a mistake that wasn’t based on romantic feelings.  right now,  she does have romantic feelings for him  ——  she’s just not in the best place mentally to be acting on them,  because more than anything,  she needs him as her best friend,  and she needs to be able to hep him as his best friend.  the possibility of romance is still there,  but she wasn’t ready for a relationship with chris and she’s not ready for one with asher right now yet either,  especially with everyone in her life struggling the way they are right now.  she just wants to be around to help people the way that best helps herself cope,  and she wants to be able to lean on asher without any added pressure of what is expected of her as a girlfriend.  she needs friendship right now.  she doesn’t have that outside of her family and asher.   it’s too scary thinking of getting into  a relationship with asher and putting herself in a position to get hurt if it doesn’t work out,  so it’s easier for her to stop it right now,  slow down,  be his friend,  and then slowly work their way back up to being more than that when the time does come.

[femnet]

header art credit: @nemupanart

Dear 13-year-old me,

I am writing to you at the end of the year 2018, though I bet you’re only starting it. It has been an event-packed year, with so many ups and downs that I’ve lost count. Hopefully the advice I’ll be giving you can make you see things from a better perspective and take care of yourself more in the coming year.

I'm gonna start off with some predictions of the year. First of all, you're going to have the worst type of sexuality awakening by crushing on your best friend. You will try not to tell everyone the fact that you're bisexual, but you'll to end up telling almost all of your friends. Surprisingly, they were more acceptant than you expected. Yet the fact you're parents are homophobic will disappoint you to no end. It's the end of 2018 and my crush still hasn't faded, so you're in for a big ride. There's also the fact that you’ll help get someone out of an incredibly toxic friendship and gain a new friend in the process. I truly hope that this sense of justice can follow with you always, never faltering despite the many backlashes this may give you.

On more serious topics, your father is still going to hit you on occasion, and unfortunately for me, I had no bravery to do anything about it. If you manage to confront him and get help for you on your whole family, do write me a letter back so I can congratulate you. Try not to get into so many arguments with your mom, the aftermath of every single one of them will leave the two of you miserable for several days. Remember to be grateful for every meal your gran brings on the table---she’s old and supposed to be chillaxing with her friends in the swimming pool, or chuckling in front of the TV, not running here and there every morning buying ingredients and spending the evening making dinner.

There are things that I am absolutely proud of though, and I hope you can go through the same triumphs that I did in the coming year. You’re gonna make up with your friend after the biggest fight you had in your life, and your bond is only going to strengthen because of this incident. You’re gonna learn skating despite the fact that you fell flat on your ass on your first attempt on the ice. You’ll try not to whoop in public when you finally feel yourself succeeding and eventually able to skate hand in hand with all of your friends on the ice. And you’ll definitely feel great after you plucked up the courage to sing on stage in the school singing contest heats, even if you don’t get into the finals. Seriously girl, after all these predictions, I honestly think you’ll do and accomplish even more than I did because ambition is in your nature. So triumph over the challenges you’ve overcome in the process, celebrate yourself with your friends, family, loved ones. You deserve it. ;)

Here are also some tips for self-care when you’re facing immense pressure---if you want to stay up late, pluck a tea bag into your cup. Make sure the tea is warm in your hands. Not only does it make you stay up later, but it can also make you feel better about yourself and more motivated to complete the task in front of you. Oh, and try not to stay up so late either. Just stop procrastinating in the afternoon. The most effective way to make you study as quickly as possible is colourful notes. Use every single marker, highlighter, memo, sticker and pen you have, and talk to yourself constantly when you’re studying. As absurd as it sounds like, it actually works. If you feel like you’re about to drop down and die in boring lessons, put on a cardigan. It’ll make just feel all fuzzy and cozy and you’ll be more comfortable in the environment you’re in. This works for all seasons because the air-conditioning in your classroom is delightfully freezing in the summers.

Reminders that you should never give up on your imagination. I’m still very very glad that I’ve planned a whole entire biography for a fictional girl I made up in my mind and I hope you never feel ashamed for that. What’s going on inside your head is what differs you from the crowd, makes you unique. Never forget that. Your straightforwardness is something that gets things done as quickly and effectively as possible, but also gets you into constant misunderstandings with people. I wasn’t able to alter that, and I sincerely hope you can. Always recharge yourself, either with books, music, art or simply, coffee. Just remember to save time for you and yourself alone. Go to libraries, album stores, scroll through anime merch, sing in the showers, as long as it works out for you and doesn’t disturb anyone’s lives, do it. Don’t care about the off-handed comments of your father bringing to a hospital just because you’re considered crazy. No one will understand you better than yourself. Keep learning more about society, topics on feminism, mental health, even things as far-fetched as mythology. Be more responsible for your assignments and promises. Treasure your friends and family who have stayed by your side.

Last and definitely not least, stay true to yourself. Speak up for freedom, equality and speak against prejudice and stereotypes. Social standards do not dictate the way you live and never will. You are your own self, despite how many people tell you to be this and that. Love and care for yourself, even if no one does.

 Happy New Year my dear, I love you!

                                                                               Best wishes and many hugs,

                                                                                        You, but 14 years old

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Connor Kenway x Angel!Fem!Reader

At the beginning of times,God created Heaven,and with it,his most trusty Archangels,with the aim of helping him pursue utopia and bliss for the incoming races on his beloved Earth,and thus,these divine winged beings,with the righteous will and judgement,obeyed their Lord's every command,without questioning it.

Centuries passed,humanity fell out of its grace,but He was merciful and loving,and offered them a change of redemption,in the after-life,and with every pure-hearted believer who would pass away,a new bright soul would ascend to the Garden of Heavens,be judged,and so they were entrusted with the smaller tasks,being named Angels.

These obedient followers with never-ending energy all seemed to fall into the same pattern,until one faithful day,when one surprisingly stood out of the crowd for being...different. Instead of minding her own business,perfecting her abilities in hopes of going up in ranks,as was the others' ambition,she wanted to do something more,something that would actually bring her joy is such a dull place bound by unbreakable laws,so she decided to perfect her art of manipulation of the weak or the soft-spoken,or even better,jest about unspeakable acts worth censoring in such a conservative place.

God,seeing her behaviour,decided to both teach her a lesson and grant her the wish,and thus,she was reincarnated in the Medieval times,as a fire-kissed maiden with loving yet difficult parents,at a court where she was meant to become the Handmaiden of the Castle's little lady. The girl was not satisfied with only an ordinary mortal life and started acting on her own accord,studying how to become a Maester,wanting to travel the world and see all that Earth has to offer.

Years passed and our little lady became a grown woman,at the ripe age of marriage,yet mischievous and ambitious beyond her times,and decided to inform her loved ones of her on-coming trip to the nearest kingdom,in pursue of knowledge,which wasn't well-seen.Nevertheless,there was nobody in power to stop the sly vixen as she began to walk the path of maturity.

Upon her return,her parents welcomed her warmly,but it was fleeting,as they had to have her know of the potential suitor awaiting her fateful return. She protested,not wanting to bother with such trivial and insignificant follies such as 'love' and 'family' and opposed to any explanation,turning the Fool down. Little did she know that day was her last day of human happiness,as a streak of misfortunes awaited her,for a wicked witch helped the Fool charm our Maiden with a love potion,the most powerful one to be created,and so the Minstrel had her grasped in his predator claws. She didn't seem to understand much of the situation,having had no previous experience with this concerning emotion,but decided to act as natural as possible,trying to make her paramour happy with everything in her power. All seemed to go well,for most of the part,until her day of birth came once again,and sticking to the tradition,invited all her friends,also servants to the House she was serving,and a newer apparition,her beloved. They drank ale,shared hilarious tales,sang with the bards and danced together,until dusk hit and they had to return home. The girl,once again,was happy...Until her one and only spun her around,yelling at her with malice,words dripping with venom and jealousy spewing from his filthy mouth,frightening and rooting her to the spot. Has she done something wrong?

Was there anything offensive in her behaviour?

Did she insult him,perchance?

Countless of questions seemed to rang through her head as she felt the symbol of weakness,a river of tears,streaming down her pale cheeks,whilst trembling and trying to come up with a reply to the monster in front of her. She left him there without anything spoken on her part,but a breakdown in her private chambers,as she tried to understand the reasoning behind such aggressive attitude towards her.

She believed that everyone deserved a second chance...and a third...and maybe even a fourth one,possible mistake learnt from Heavens,and forgiving the man,despite her mind telling her it was wrong,she stuck by his side for more moons than she could have ever imagined.

In the meantime,the glowing blood rose started to wilt at an alarming pace,faced with unneeded toxicity and bad treatment,and with it,she began hating herself more than ever before,understanding for the first time just how weak a woman is on Earth,compared to a lustful man's strength,and as she couldn't counter or stop his actions,despite protesting vehemently... She gave up.

For the first time in her life,she felt like giving up was the wisest option there was. Give up on fighting. Give up on protesting. Give up on happiness. Give up on thinking she was worth anything. Give up on believing love and genuine emotions exist. And... She gave up on herself.

Everything fell into the same dull pattern,until one day,she was slapped awake by her ambitions,and remember that even whilst hating herself,she still wanted her life to take a different turn and her career was still more important than anything on that tainted World. And so,the red-haired girl managed to gather the strength to break the charm all by herself,and got the Fool banished from the Kingdom,never to be seen again,much to her relief. Nevertheless,regrets and despair would forever haunt her,despising how frail and weak she was,uncharacteristic of her normal self,as she endured almost two full winters turned with a parasyte leeching on her positive energies,just as mistletoe,beautiful yet deadly,is destroying another plant for it to live better.

Not much time passed,wounds slowly getting stitched together with the help of her closest friends and family,and with that,a new trip was planned for her as a surprise,and she took the opportunity without any doubt,eager to absorb even more information.

The people around her were all open-minded,wise elders and shamans willing to show her the way of healing and how to become one with nature and accept herself. Contrary to her expectations,however,no matter what you do,curses and bad intentions follow everyone around,and when one of the travelers began fighting with his ill,miserable parents,wanting to stay behind and explore just a bit more,she decided to step in and offer him company on the small island,despite twilight threatening to appear soon. Feeling blessed,his parents thanked her endlessly,while the lovely elder witch doctor advised her not to stray too much from the path,and she went to his side,weary and skeptical,wanting to go to her temporary home faster.

It was just like how a panther waits its prey,prowling around,vulnerable and clueless of any evil intent around,using the environment to its,favour,and seeing her shivering due to the cold night,he wrapped his meaty arms around her small form,despite her protests. She soon found out the rotten apple was 10 years her senior and much stronger than he appeared,conflicts forming in her head,as she was not familiar with the path back,like he was,yet struggling in his grasp helped naught. And she gave up fighting. Again.

Hours passed,midnight stroke and Mother Moon was high on the sky,illuminating the place gracefully with her pure,silvery light,watching over the sinful,as on their way back,he gripped her noodle-like arms hard and forced himself onto her,the feeling of teeth smashing into her own and the disgust,making her want to have a star fall on her at that moment and crush her to death forever. No amount of struggle proved to be successful,but she cried no more.She just followed behind,at a fast pace,wanting to arrive at her new chambers faster and bury herself under the ground,feeling a strong,burning feeling of hatred towards herself and that shameful monster claiming to be human. Alone,once again,she began breaking down,yelling at Heavens and at the Lord to take her back or stop her suffering once and for all. Just what had she done so wrong in her life that she deserved all of this? Was her behaviour in Eden so bad? Was entertainment forbidden and punished like the Never-ending 7 Circles of Hell? Desperation was clouding her mind and judgement,and she soon accepted that she was not meant for a normal human life. Being forever by herself seemed to be a much better option regardless,and thus,a life of solitude and eternal hate awaited her. She began behaving worse than she realized,not talking to her friends that much anymore,not bothering with her difficult family who seemed to only want to apply even more unwanted pressure about how she is going to be the outcast and the laughingstock of the whole Country and she wouldn't behave like a normal woman,marry and bare the lordling's children,as it was expected.

She wanted to end it all,for it was too much pain to hold on to,her heart feeling heavy with over-flowing waves of torment,her lungs felt drowned,no amount of breathing seemed to make her feel alive anymore and she began wondering how lovely death seemed now,that all hope was lost for an unsightly creature like her. If she couldn't accept herself,why would anyone else bother with her eternal damnation and suffer along-side her,carrying her problems? Nobody deserves such a pitiful fate,so better end it all before any more misfortune starts stalking her.

For the rest of the year she kept her stoic facade,devoid of any emotion or compassion,only allowing herself to crumble the sturdy walls around her when alone,with only the shadows threatening to consume her.

~But miracles do actually happen,even to the less fortune of souls~

Seeing how much sadness he brought to the one pure soul he created,now tainted by Humanity's malice,He felt pity,and allowed a private parley between them. She would be able to became and angel and join the ranks once again,if only she can successfully finish a mission,one that required guiding another unfortunate soul to the light,one from a modern time of War between states.

The first step,now that she was back to her celestial self,was to observe the person and see if he truly was worthy of redemption. Flying on a cloud,she propped herself comfortable,at the first hour of the day,before the Sun even got the chance appear on the sky,watching the Native American’s life and memories,and with it,the familiar feeling of sorrow settled itself into her heart,and looking down at him,she was shocked to see him kneeling on the ground,his head on the ground,sobbing and cursing at the wind for his bad luck,yet praying with all his might to any existing deity that might give him a sign to keep on going...a reason to live. His mother dead,his father killed by himself,his mentor having died,and his many loved ones,away... Maybe,just maybe,despite everything he had lost,even himself....mayhap there is still something worth fighting for.

She remained stunned,gazing at him with pity,her dark eyes,like the infinite void,sparkling with interest and other unknown emotions towards this complete stranger ; he looked up,his kind chocolate eyes glistening with tears of hopelessness,until he widened his orbs,and much to her surprise,his gaze bore into hers.

So much time she spent observing him from up there,that she didn't realize the sunshine was bright enough to make her glow,having her position discovered. Scared,she fled back to Heaven,and contemplated her next move. Frankly,she wanted nothing to do with that pitiful assassin,for he too was in the same desperate situation she was in... On the other hand,however,there was something that made her think of him with no end.

The look in his dark eyes that held warmth,like when you go home after a cold winter night.They are hazelnuts and gingerbread men,hot cocoa and cinnamon,they are the comfort and warmth when you wrap yourself in a blanket and stay reading in front of a fireplace,drinking a hot beverage with extra honey,and outside it's freezing and snowing.

His eyes...The dark coloured eyes that she held herself as well,and she despised,she fell in love with.

His eyes...The one colour she hated most,and wished for any other one,she found genuinely mesmerizing and enchanting.

His eyes...So deep and caring,carrying a heavy burden of sorrow and pain.

His eyes...The ones she grew to love with all her heart.

His eyes...Him...The pitiful knight is shining armour that stood there,still hoping and searching for happiness,not having given up yet. He was strong,stronger than anyone she had ever met,either in her angel or human form,and she felt genuinely attracted,without wanting to. In truth,she was scared. Scared of what might happen if she lost him. She wanted nothing more than to make sure he did not suffer the same fate she did,made sure to use the small amount of magic she held,to make him smile for the first time in ages. Be it a lovely playful kitten,or a travelling crystal butterfly,a picturesque sunshine or a magnificent flower,she did it all for him.

That is,until one Archangel began to notice and expressed his displeasure towards her ridiculous behaviour,which only seemed to irk her to the point where she walked up to God himself,to request one last wish,before she would disappear.It was rather selfish and uncertain,but the Lord only smiled down at his little angel,patted her head and sent her down on Earth at the next sunrise,descending to Earth with a divine and elegant glow that would put even Mother Moon to shame.

In front of her,kneeling and staring up at her in wonder,he tried to make words come out of his mouth,but his chipped lips only seemed to form stutters,as he bit on the lower one,trying to stop himself from letting more tears stream down his chocolate-coloured cheeks.

She remained silent,knowing words would betray her,and smiled gently at him,touching his rough face with her pale,delicate hand,and seeing him lean into her warm touch with such glee in his eyes,much like a pitiful puppy who found a new owner,made her look away,suddenly feeling timid and a rosy blush threatening to cover her angelic features. She knelt to his level,her white wings fluttering,and putting her hands together,she made a small snowdrop form,letting him witness the beauty of nature by letting him have it,as a sign of purity and innocence.

Touched to tears by her kind gestures,he felt himself hug her tightly to his chest,not wanting to let her go anymore. He finally found the sign he was looking for and he was willing to brave anything is his path to make sure his Angel remained by his side,happy. He started planting soft kisses all over hear rosy face,forehead and fire-kissed hair,her angelic giggles becoming lullabies to his ears. His own face became redder than any Red Lily he had ever encountered thus far,and seeing this,she felt herself grin at him and kissed his forehead,as he kept radiating with happiness.

"I choose to throw away my immortality and powers,strip away my wings and ranks,only to be by your side,for as long as Earth will have us.Will you accept me,my darling brave warrior of justice?" she said with a playful grin and she cupped his mesmerised face,that held only love and wonder. "I can only thank Thee,Mother Moon,for sending your most beautiful and compassionate of daughters down here,to me.I vow to protect you,my sweet Cherokee rose,with every fiber of my being,no matter what dangers might occur." Connor vowed,placing his own hands over hers and gazing into her shiny eyes,overflowing with emotion. "Then,my sweet assassin,protector of righteousness,prithee,take care of me and teach me what love is,for I have faced so many misfortunes,I lost count,and let us seal this promise with a kiss" saying that,she looked down,allowing herself a moment of timidness,then leaned in,placing her lips over his,kissing him softly,as she felt his hands shaking just the littlest bit,getting the courage to reciprocate just as gently,almost afraid to break her,as if she was just a lovely mirage and he was actually on the verge of dying.

"I am yours,and you are mine,I swear it by any Gods existing on this World,and I never intend to let go of my beautiful butterfly.Thou art the greatest gift humanity could ever receive." managing to smile,bright and genuine,for the first time in his life,he kissed the firey girl,watching her immaculate white wings slowly dissipate into thin air,then embraced her,playing with her hair,kissing it,vowing to himself to become a better man and make her the happiest person walking the Earth. ​​​​​​​ And so what seemed to be the tragic story of two different people from two parallel worlds proved to be the emotional reunion of two soulmates looking for each other,and only seeing the black,white and greys of life,until discovering the light at the end of the tunnel,and with it,a vivid palette of unlimited colours.

[graysonhq-blog]

IT’S TOO COLD FOR YOU HERE  — AN INTRODUCTION.

MWAH hello yall cuties :”)) i’m lucy i’m 9teen i just spent the afternoon staring @ my blemishes n wondering if i should spend the $115 for the foreo luna mini ! but sdsdsj before i get distracted n start ranting abt myself, let me tell u about this trash bag aka grayson easton via this messy af intro xxxxxxx

- ̗̀ ❛ GREGG SULKIN, HE/HIM. ❜ ̖́- is that grayson easton getting out of their car blasting the new year by death cab? i heard they’re twenty five years old and they’ve been living in scarsdale for twelve years. i mean, i’m not surprised –– i hear their family’s networth is 800k. everyone’s always said they’re pretty industrious and disciplined, but rumor has it they can be deceitful and rigid, too.

so grayson easton was conceived when thomas easton aka international millionaire couldn’t contain his dick @ a medical conference 🍆💦 but even though it wasn’t necessarily how lauren hannigan imagined starting a family, she was still excited

she already understood that he wouldn’t be v involved (because smh his ass already had a family and was too high profile to risk exposing himself as a cheater), but it didn’t matter to her ! after all,  she just finished her residency program and was gong to *lil wayne vc* cash money make it rain ! lordt she was so HYPE she was close to spending a small fortune on little einstein storybooks 👀

but she never got the opportunity to read him those stories because a complication during her labour meant she passed away before she even had the opportunity to see her son—and because she wasn’t interested in involving his father (and honestmeme it wasn’t like he was knocking down doors to bring home his son), custody went to her parents, tessa and charles hannigan

they were fantastic guardians like clearly they were so distraught when their daughter passed away, but they decided to take all the love they couldn’t give her and direct it towards their grandson

he had a lemonade stand up every month, and his grandfather spent hours helping him make the posters and decorate the table before sitting out in the heat with him :”) it was called gray’s and grayson’s lemonade

they took turns helping charlie work through his dyslexia and brought him to the library regularly 💕 they were adamant about showing him that he wasn’t stupid just because he needed to work ten times harder than everyone to understand things, that he could do everything everyone else can do and more if he tried hard enough

also tessa taught him how to play the guitar and they spent v many fuzzy afternoons doing bad covers of sesame street songs shshsjs

but everything started going downhill when grayson turned ten—at that point, his grandparents were already p advanced in age, and that ultimately meant that their health was always v precarious :// before he could process what was happening, tessa was diagnosed w stage three breast cancer that showed no indication of slowing down—and all of a sudden, he was spending his nights doing homework in her hospital room and sleeping on the tiny chair near her bed because he refused to leave 

( tessa was always miserable in the hospital, but always brightened whenever he told her that he won a poetry competition or that his teacher put a sticker on his latest test because he got a hundred percent and he just wanted to make her happy ahhhh )

he was doing homework the evening she passed away in the surgery room—and after that, it was tbh emotional earthquake after emotional earthquake because the shock was too much for his grandfather, who died from a heart attack a few days after 

he’d barely processed what happened before his father ended up in the picture again—his father was concerned that the press would find the story, and he was smart enough to know that everyone discovering how he abandoned his bastard son would not be great press—and before he knew it, he was wrenched form his family home in maine, with only a few cardboard boxes in his arms, and dropped into this wildly privileged lifestyle in scarsdale, new york 

he soon became the center of immense gossip :/ because of his spontaneous appearance onto the otherwise exclusive setting of high class new york, people considered him a “leeching bastard son” who was only interested in getting his hands on some fortune

but he never felt that he could actually say something about his circumstances to his father smh at that point, he’d lost so many loved ones consecutively that he was desperate for someone that he could consider family, even if it meant steadfastly ignoring the genuinely shitty things about his father

he started attending first class institutions that cost as much as his old house’s mortgage per term, his dad gave him an allowance that made his weekly paper run money look like dust bunnies, he was introduced to businessmen and politicians and lawyers whose names he’d only heard on the evening news 

though he was already v hardworking and disciplined because he wanted to honour his grandparents and mom’s memory, his efforts to counteract the rumors that were being spread about him and his attempts to impress his detached father meant that his desperation to impress everyone became even more exacerbated 

by the time he graduated high school, he was the Golden Boy™ who sat at the popular table, got glowing comments from his teachers whenever he handed in assignments, and was celebrated as the star quarterback—but so much of his reputation was actually just constructed as a means to impress his father and as a way to please other people yikes he doesn’t even like playing football wtf

the fact that he was exposed to such a toxic environment that demanded everything from him to be considered valid and the fact that he’s so desperate for the feeling of compassion that he used to get from his family drove him to try finding validation and love in the wrong places, using the wrong ways

smh you would hope that spending time away from new york would’ve helped him become a little less reliant on other people’s opinion and more willing to be flexible but :) since finishing university and passing the bar exam, his family’s net worth dropped 200k and his father is placing even more pressure on him to help their firm get back on solid ground 

he’s doing everything he can and spending all his nights staying up late at his office, so much so that he sleeps there more than he sleeps in his still barely furnished apartment—but yikes he actually secretly hates corporate law and sometimes fantasizes about working for an non-governmental organization smh 

despite everything his father tried to make him as cold-hearted as him, his years with his grandparents meant that grayson is genuinely still such a compassionate and kind person underneath everything—he nags all his friends into eating vegetables and enjoys sneaking baby carrots into their homes and will always put everything on hold for the people that he loves and didn’t punch someone when they drunkenly vomited on his carpeted floor :”) 

but yikes he’s also repressed all the grief and trauma and bitterness that he’s experienced in his life, incorrectly thinking that his validation comes from authority figures and stubbornly ignoring anyone who suggests otherwise because “they’re just messing with me so they could be better than me” (also sidenote sometimes that bitterness manifests in some v questionable drinking n dating habits smh i hate him)

ANYMEME that’s grayson easton he’s a lil fake bitch who needs some help sdshdsjd the only person he talks 2 abt things is his corgi plz help 

oK that should b it omg if u managed 2 finish this fckn ... verbal diarrhea of an intro plz know that i love u 5ever mwah ! if ur lookin for some childhood friends n old exes n fwbs n ride or die’s n will they won’t they and tBH w/e plz hmu my ass has graduated from thirsty 2 plots to dehydrated for them oOF 

[vibrant-goddess]

yeah im drinking a bit at 130am i have to be at work in five hours but im SAD and i hate my coworkers and im gonna stay up and feel like shit all week so you know fuck it im gonna bitch about it on main bc im tired of giving a fuck about what people think of me and im not putting it under the cut because i seriously dont fucking care

i shoulda bought more cigarillosi havent fucking smoked in seven years like my parents found my cigars when i was a baby adult and yelled at me so i tossed them and never looked back

except now i live on my own in a tiny shitty room that is cheap enough for me to pay off my student loans real fucking fast living with two extremely adorable dogs(they’re my roommates) who dont like being petted so what even are they good for except dragging in dead animals all the fucking time and leaving hair everywhere literally i had to stop baking for my coworkers because no matter how clean i was i ALWAYS FOUND MORE FUCKING FUR but its fine because i don’t like these coworkers anyways

like i know i work in tech but what are the fucking chances that my team would be four white blonde guys(at least two are blue eyed) in their early thirties and then me like what the FUCK and i still have two more months with these fuckers. i have to figure out how to survive eight more weeks with these people who don’t like or respect me. i feel like a goddamn token minority hire and it makes me want to quit. like, just straight up two weeks notice i don’t give a FUCK about completing the rest of my work i don’t give a FUCK about helping this team i don’t give a FUCK about this work assignment my coworkers are so fucking dismissive and passive aggressive AT BEST and whiny turds at worst. i hate coming in at 630 and leaving at 345 without taking a lunch so my work has gotten like 10 extra hours of work for me thats literally, after tax, another student loan payment.

im so fucking miserable here. this town is so fucking small. theres nothing to do here except spend twenty dollars to go to tea except i have to do it myself bcause i dont know how to fucking interact wioth people

and then i thought this month oh ill try to get people i like together for halloween movies at my house except my house is a disaster because my roommate doesnt know how to fucking clean her shit up

literally her dogs shit on the couch and she took hours to do a half assed job of cleaning up. i cleaned the table, the kitchen, the floors, everything, and within two weeks she covered the newly cleaned surfaces with her shit. and like, its like pulling teeth to even get her to move her shit from the dryer after a MONTH so i know any sort of cleaning isn;t going to get done by her

like i thought leaving my parents house would make things so much better i thought the distance would allow me to finally live like an adult, but im essentially living the same fucking life, overextended by my responsibilities, depressed to the point of ideation, too anxious to talk to anyone, except now i have quadruple the bills, still no fucking s/o because apparently im totally unfuckable like even this fucking loser from target ghosted me, and my parents passive aggressively text me everyday because i don’t update them all the time on my THRILLING life that consists of a nine hour work day, three hours of studying for a professional exam that my work won’t pay for, and two hours of costume shit based on a character in a game series i don’t even fucking like for a party im not even going to attend 

and like the obvious answer is drop the costume shit, block your parents for a couple weeks, and go to therapy. i hurried i RUSHED to get my own health insurance so i could finally finally get therapy, only to find out that if my work finds out im getting therapy theyll block any chance at promotion and in this small shitty town there are ten total therapists in a sixty mile radius, only two of which specialize in the CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) except one is a dude and the other does christian counseling and i fucking refuse to interact with religion i dropped any pretense of religion four years ago and im not fucking going back and if you even FUCKING mention it to me i stg so i guess i have to take my chances with the dude

god i dont want to go to work tomorrow but ive p consistently taken a day off every two weeks and im trying to save up my leave for when i want to just fucking ditch out for a week next year after i pay off my student loans

like EVERYTHING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER ONCE I MOVED. i told myself oh everything will be better once i transfer except it wasnt i got even more stressed and felt more pressure. i told myself oh everything will be bettwe once i graduate except not only was it not but i hit the worst period of my life after graduating i couldn’t socialize i couldn’t speak i just laid on the floor of my childhood room crying and cutting myself because i couldn’t functgion because life didnt have purpose anymore. i told myself oh everything will be better once i move out once im away from the environment tht made me sick BUT GUESS WHAT TUMBLR the FUCKING ENVIRONMENT THAT MADE ME SICK WAS ME. GUESS WHAT I’M THE TOXIC PRESENCE IN MY LIFE. GUESS WHAT YOU CAN’T RUN AWA FROM YOUR OWN BRAIN.

im so fucking tired of trying im so tired of waiting for things to get better i keep trying things i did cbt on my own for months and it did nothing i drank a lot for a month and it did nothing but make me pee a lot i smoked again and it didn’t help i start cutting again and it did nothing like the only vice i have is eating except to pay off my student loans asap my food budget got stripped so i cant even do that and im just. im so fucking tired of this. im tired of throwing money at my student loan app. im tired of having no room besides my bed so i have to cut fabric while laying under my bed because there no room for me and my cutting mat. im tired of spending every weekend studying my fe study materials for an exam to get a certification my work doesn’t care about whatsoever. im tired of not feeling excited about anything. this is usually my favorite month of the year and i havent done a single fall activity. i dont know why the only person in this stupid city who likes me is the dude who realized im the only single black girl in the city and therefore has decided to make it his mission to try to wear me down so he can fuck me. im tired of working in a team where i have to be the voice of all women all black people and all queer people. im tired of having to either report my comings and goings to my parents from two hundred miles away when they don’t pay for any of my shit(in fact, i pay for some of their shit and they still demand updates like they’re entitled to my fucking life) hold on im getting another drink

and like if i want to even be considered one of the team i have to perform to perfection better than the other fuckers on the team whic means i have to show up before the earliest arriver and leave after my boss leaves and i still gotta do all my personal shit and i cant take a lunch and im UFKCKING SICK OF IT. the other team in our open office is a million times more diverse, they actually communicate and discuss shit. their boss is a woman and they occasionally have women on their team on assignment. they spent an hour debating and charting pizza topping preferences so they could order pizza together. meanwhile, my team cant even be assed to actually ask me a question. 

i dont fucking want to go to work tomorrow. i dont want to fucking go back to this team ever again. my boss offered me a permanent position and i didnt know how to tell him that i hate this team and i cant wait to leave and mute the team server forever and if my next assignment didnt require an additional security thing(DESPITE THE FACT THAT I’VE NEVER STEPPED OUT OF LINE MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE I HAD GOOD HS ATTENDANCE I PARTICIPATED IN CLUBS I GOT A FUCKING NATIONAL AWARD I VOLUNTEERED WITH A CHRISTIAN CHURCH I PARTICIPATED IN CLUBS AND STUDENT ORGS IN COLLEGE I DIDNT DRINK A SIP OF ALCOHOL UNTIL I WAS 21 I DIDN’T SMOKE UNTIL I WAS 18 I NEVER TRIED ANY DRUGS NOT EVEN WEED IN FACT THE MOMENT DRUGS WERE PRESENT IN MY SOCIAL CIRCLES I LEFT THOSE SOCIAL CIRCLES AND NEVER LOOKED BACK I NEVER COMMITTED ANY CRIMES I NEVER ASSOCIATED WITH ANYONE WHO DID CRIMES IVE NEVER LEFT THE COUNTRY AS AN ADULT I LITERALLY HAVE THE BACKGROUND OF SOMEONE WHO SPENT 25 YEARS SITTING IN A ROOM EATING SALTINES AND STARING AT A WALL UNTIL I STARTED WORKING) that is taking fucking forever despite my perfect background i would have left this assignment early AND i would have given them excellent documentation when i went.

im so fucking tired. im tired of everything.

[shinidogawa]

NACly asks 1 2, 3, 8?

Let's get some NaCl-y on Munday! || Answered & Accepting!!

This is going to be a long post, sorry in advance!

What’s the worst role playing experience you’ve had?

I was interacting with one person who made me feel extremely pressured and uncomfortable. They constantly kept trying to get into my character's pants and flirted with them even though I clearly wasn't interested. I was way too shy at the time, so I never directly told them to stop, but I kept giving hints that I didn't like what they were doing. It eventually led me to blocking them, but even then they approached me on an alt account berating me for blocking them for 'no reason at all'. It was definitely unpleasant lmao.

2. What would cause you to leave a fandom?

If there's a lot of drama and discourse. Obviously, no one would want to put themselves through a negative environment and neither do I. And if the fandom has a lot child characters, I would probably end up staying away from it because you have freaks who will sexualize those characters. Not for me, thanks.

3. Why did you leave your last fandom?

Hoo boy this is gonna be fun to talk about lmao. I left two fandoms for almost the same reason. Firstly, I left the Pokemon fandom (on twitter again) because it was growing to be more of a toxic space than one to have fun in. Instead of everyone RPing and having fun together, it was mainly crack and almost every single day someone was getting 'called out' and essentially booted out of the verse because someone didn't agree with something someone said. (Some of the call-out posts were completely valid and necessary because some of these people were genuinely horrible people, but most of them were just ridiculous and it could've been solved by actual communication and getting both sides of the story). Seeing people who used to be friends turn on each other and talk shit about each other made me extremely paranoid to the point where I couldn't really trust anyone in the fandom but my closest friends. Then an entire situation happened when a new rper who rped the same muse as my friend started spreading awful rumours about them being an asshole and a character/art stealer, despite everyone in the verse knowing my friend for much longer, and everyone all turned on them and essentially the people who were close to them including me and a few others. No one wanted to hear my friend's side of the story.

I also left the TBHK fandom around the same time because of someone essentially using me only for pushing their muse's development and tossing me aside. They kept buttering me up and claiming that my character portrayal of Hanako-kun was fantastic and perfect for their storyline, so I wrote with them. We didn't get very far as I was busy with school, but when I came back to finally reply, I saw they were RPing with someone who had the same muse and basically doing the exact same storyline we were doing. Then, they said something about how they were so happy to have someone to do this plot with them and talking about how they were the best Hanako-kun they ever interacted with. I'm usually fine with my partners writing with doubles, but it really hurt me to see them writing out the exact same RP we were doing with the exact same muse and essentially saying that specific account was way better than mine. It didn't help that Hanako-kun was one of my hyper-fixated characters at the time so after that happened I lost my muse for him and never touched him or that account again because I felt so inadequate and insecure. I'm a lot better now, though, so someday I wish to pick up that muse again since I'm caught up on the manga.

8. Has anyone hurt/betrayed you?

I guess another recent one is when I had a falling out with one of my closest friends and RP partners. I had wanted to join a RP group so I could get more interactions on my account, but they completely blew up at me and told me that I 'shouldn't do it because they'll chew me up and eat me alive' or they'll 'ruin my character and humiliate me if I didn't do what they said', and they also didn't like the chemistry I had going on with our other friend's muse. (They assumed I was 'cheating on their ship' with that person, when we weren't even planning on shipping in the first place, our characters were just being friendly after being enemies for so long). Then it eventually led to them telling me that they were going to avoid me for as long as they could because of me wanting to join that group and they didn't want to feel bad about the ship we had going on because of my supposed 'shipping' with our other friend. I felt incredibly betrayed and upset and I think I cried about it for almost a week, because I have a fear of being abandoned by my friends over something I have done, so hearing them blatantly tell me that broke me for a while. I'm honestly still not over it now and I really miss that person.

[maritzaerwin]

8 Tips to Deal with Insubordination in the Workplace

Managers and other supervisors have to deal with a rather growing problem in the workplace: insubordination.

The definition of insubordination states that it is direct defiance of any authority (any higher-ups) or a direct refusal to obey a completely rational and reasonable order given.

The other issue that stems from this is the way said managers will react. They have to walk a very fine line to not get immediately scrutinized for the way they handled the situation, usually meaning they cannot react in the same tone as the offending employee.

At least not unless they want to stoop to the infringing employee’s level, but that is hardly the way to resolve an issue such as this.

Luckily, there are a set of work rules – a code of conduct to which they can align themselves and use it to enlighten the insubordinate employee to their behavior and deal with the situation in general.

The most important thing in this situation is for managers to stay professional and rely on HR to sort the problem out in a calm and professional manner, rather than risk their position over an unwanted outburst themselves.

That said, you can’t always have them deal with every case of insubordinate behavior. There should be a system in place to deal with this on top of your Human Resources Department.

Why Does Insubordination Happen?

Insubordination can come from a variety of different sources. Your employee might be dealing with a lot of stressful situations at home; he might have fallen into some trouble that’s not allowing him to behave as he normally would and is less motivated to focus on his job due to an underlying problem.

Maybe there was a form of miscommunication in the information exchange and an order simply didn’t reach the employer, in which case the task assignment infrastructure might need some restructuring.

It could’ve also been a response to the supervisor’s mistreatment of said employee. While an odd case, it’s not particularly rare, mostly because a lot of people view work as a competitive environment between their colleagues and sometimes feel threatened.

If an employee is vying for a promotion that would directly endanger a manager’s position, the manager could feel threatened and is very likely to start applying unnecessary pressure on the employee.

This is usually done through assigning increasingly difficult tasks until it becomes nigh-impossible to perform them in a given amount of time, putting too much on the employee’s plate, and leading them to lash out with intentional refusal to comply with such actions.

This then wrongfully flags them for non-performance and makes them the aggressor in all of this, when in reality, it might have been the manager’s fault in the first place, which gets chalked up as employee abuse and is a worse stain on your business than insubordinate behavior.

Learn to never play favorites in this case and always apply the rules equally to never ruin the image of fair and equal treatment in your business.

That said, it’s not the employee that’s going to be the victim in many of these cases. While yes, all of these things can happen and aren’t rare by any sense of the word, sometimes insubordination is just that – insubordination.

You might’ve just hired a bad worker, someone who has either been slacking for a while now, and his poor performance and insolence in obeying direct orders might just be showing now that you’ve actually looked into this.

Maybe you’ll even discover that he’s had a history of using abusive language in the workplace with many of his other staff members and is prone to displaying the sort of employee behavior clearly outlined as prohibited in the employee handbook.

Regardless of what the cause may be, it’s necessary to keep a cool head when going about this. Firing employees on the spot over disciplinary issues is never the right solution and should only be done after at least a written warning has been issued, if not several.

That isn’t the only thing you should keep in mind when looking to resolve the problem of employee insubordination though. There are a few other things to consider.

How To Deal With Insubordination In The Workplace

1. Stay Professional

Whether you’re a manager or small business owner (or large), you should be an exemplar of work etiquette – the very antithesis of insubordination – and never stoop to the same level as the problematic person on hand.

Avoid reacting in the same manner at any cost, even if it means taking a step back. Breathe deeply and remain calm. A cool head will help you both save face and deal with the situation accordingly, instead of resorting to rash decisions driven by emotion rather than logic.

2. Keep Communication Levels High

One of the most crucial aspects of successful businesses is their level of established communication.

A good level of communication makes the work environment feel safer for the employees and allows for an overall faster and more streamlined workflow. It also leads to happier employees who are more content to give it their all when working toward a specific goal in more amicable conditions.

On the other hand, having little to no communication between fellow co-workers and having a generally poor flow in your business information network can lead to the exact opposite: lower productivity, higher tensions, worker alienation, and a more toxic work environment, in general, leading to a higher chance of insubordinate behavior occurring.

The level of group communication can be solved through better task organization and the restructuring of your information network. Team-building exercises and sessions should also be incorporated somewhere into the company schedule as well.

Not only will it help freshly recruited employees better incorporate themselves into the existing employee clique, but it’ll also help in keeping and improving upon the existing level of cohesion between your current members of staff.

Naturally, it’s not always that easy, as communication has its layers and group communication is only the tip of the iceberg.

Being able to communicate and relate to an individual is also a rather important facet of managerial duties. Insubordination is bound to happen at some point; there is no perfect workplace as there will always be challenges to overcome. It’s simply natural in the current day and age.

Sure, this will be a lot easier to approach if you’ve had a good level of group communication set up prior to this insubordinate behavior surfacing, but this is where this second layer of individual communication comes in. 

If the employer empathizes with the employee and sits down with them properly to dig deep and find the root cause of this insubordination, the employee will find it easier to open up and this can be resolved a lot quicker than normal.

Naturally, the infringing party will not walk away without any repercussion, but at least no severe disciplinary action will need to be taken nor will the issue have to be escalated if you manage to successfully defuse it. No need to spread the stress out when you can contain it.

If you’ve both reached an understanding, then the best way of going about this is by means of a simple written warning or a light suspension to allow the employee in question to sort any of their underlying issues out then come back to their station afterward.

Naturally, the appropriate level of discipline should be applied based on the severity of the infraction in the first place.

3. Never Fire A Person On The Spot

The biggest mistake an employer can make when having to deal with insubordination is outright firing a person even when the level of insubordinate behavior was minor.

This paints both you and your workplace as crude, intolerable, and overly strict, which will cause issues when looking to hire and train new employees and cause a severe shift in the trust the rest of your employees have in you, leading them to fear for their position. This will only give rise to further problems. 

There are plenty of other solutions out there that don’t involve adding extra pressure to your well-oiled working machine by removing one cog that may very well have been crucial.

Take the time to figure out an appropriate disciplinary action for the level of insubordinate behavior received from the employee’s end. 

4. Give The Employee A Chance To Explain

The first time that you hear your employee refuses a given order, ask them to explain their stance: Why is it that they aren’t willing to comply?

Maybe there’s something there that you’re not seeing but the employee is. You see, employees tend to care about the health of the company that they work for.

The better it’s doing, the safer their job is in the long run. That’s why they tend to form a lot of opinions.

Maybe the given order was inefficient or was indeed unsafe or unethical to perform, depending on their job description.

Get into a healthy debate with them and be ready to provide counter-arguments if needed, but always make sure to give them the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone is always trying to shirk their duties; a lot of people do want to keep their jobs.

If they present a healthy and valid case for their argument, then there’s not much else left to discuss on the subject outside of asking them for ideas on how to improve upon the existing system.

Who knows, you might just end up promoting them off of something like this and they may have just saved you a sizable sum of money you would’ve spent on research otherwise.

If however, you’re the one who is in the right and their argument isn’t as solid as they had initially thought, a slight reprimand is fine if it was just a minor infraction and if they agree to do the task right thereafter. There was no harm done, after all – not a lot anyway.

However, if they still refuse to perform their given assignment despite the task falling within the scope of their job description and the company code of conduct, and their argument ending up not being valid, it’s time to raise the issue to the HR department.

5. HR: The Cornerstone Of A Company’s Health

HR, an abbreviation for Human Resources, is a part of the company that oversees all of the administrative processes that have to deal with employee interactions. This means hirings, firings, various consultations, and sometimes stress management.

They’re the ones responsible for keeping the workplace atmosphere as tolerable of a level as possible and are there to serve as the middleman between workforce and upper management.

It’s in their job description to determine what needs to be done about cases of insubordination and it’s up to them to analyze the case to judge who was in the wrong in these matters.

The way they do this is by seeing things from the employee’s perspective first, putting themselves in his shoes to determine what ended up being the cause for such insubordinate behavior in the first place.

They want to see if the reasoning was indeed valid or if it was just a case of an overblown ego or outright laziness and disrespect toward their supervisors.

Sometimes, it’s even better if a third, unbiased party is brought in to investigate these claims so that there’s no personal bias in the air that might sway the decision. This is where a private HR firm might come in handy more so than your own if you have an HR department.

Naturally, not everyone can afford to hire outside help for every case of insubordination that might happen. There are so many companies trying to categorize expenses and in most cases, they decide to let their HR department handle the issue. Plus, your own HR department is better acquainted with the company code of conduct than anyone on the outside might be.

In any case, the most common resolution to this dilemma is finding out that the case of insubordinate behavior came from a clash of two vastly different personalities.

The manager and the employee simply might not mesh and it’s time to transfer one of them over to a different department in hopes of improving workflow and reducing the chances of it happening again.

The other common cause of insubordination is a simple misunderstanding. This ties back into the communication problem spoken of earlier. The order may have gotten lost in the chain of information exchange or wasn’t relayed properly.

Sometimes a whole different person might be to blame and a trail can be followed to the source of the problem.

Of course, sometimes insubordination is what it is, with not a valid enough reason as described by the company code of conduct (the guideline for every staff member on how they should act in the workplace).

When this happens, it’s time to deliver appropriate measures as described in your company’s disciplinary policy.

6. Take Disciplinary Action

Now that the case of insubordinate behavior has been justly proven, it’s time to take disciplinary action. But what exactly is the right call here?

We’ve talked earlier about how outright firing or termination is almost never the right thing to do, but it all is dependent upon the disciplinary policy described in the code of conduct.

Some companies are so strict that one misstep could end in instant termination.

Plus, some egregious edge-cases of insubordination where the action is outright illegal or a case of outright workplace harassment simply call for such harsh punishment.

That’s simply because there is nothing else that fits it better and keeping them on board will hurt the company’s image and the trust and respect that your employees put in you.

But these are what they are – edge cases – and these will hopefully never have to be considered. As far as your regular workplace infractions go, the most common way of going about it is to employ the baseball rule: Three strikes and you’re out.

What this means is that the first two cases of textbook insubordinate behavior will be dealt with through a meeting with the person in question with issued warnings. The first one usually tends to be verbal while the second is a more formal, written one.

If it were ever to reach strike three, well, then it’s time to call the termination meeting.

The reason it’s done in such a manner is so it’s fair for the employee so that they can be given enough of a chance to improve on their behavior.

It also helps your case if they decide to sue you over this termination later because you’ll have plenty of evidence proving your side of the story and why it led to such actions in the first place.

It’s a system that benefits both employer and employee without seeming too cruel or too lenient at any given time.

Some companies even go as far enough to remove one of these strikes if the employee exemplifies an improvement in their behavior over a certain course of time (usually a year of no further infraction committed).

This way they won’t risk making the mistake of losing an outstanding employee due to a few fumbles they’ve made over the course of a long-standing career.

Now, the disciplinary policy also helps outline what constitutes an infraction and what doesn’t.

I’ll take cursing and bad-mouthing as an example. While it’s common that such language directed at a higher-up or a fellow employee is unacceptable, it’s also not uncommon for it to be simple shop talk – things people joke around the watercooler while on the break with no ill intent meant behind those words. 

It helps people de-stress and some company policies allow for it if it doesn’t carry an overly malicious tone.

Another example would be questioning orders. Some places of employment don’t allow employees to debate a given order, while many modern companies do because they value everyone’s input.

What constitutes insubordination in one place may not in another, which is why it’s important to keep the disciplinary policy of one’s own company in mind and why, again, HR is the best judge in the case of it.

7. Termination

This step, as extreme as it may be, is bound to happen at some point during your lifespan or your acting duty as manager, CEO, or another leadership role.

As much as we’d all like to have a perfect company where everyone is happy doing their 9-5 and there are no wrenches being thrown into this well-oiled machine, sometimes a cog does break off and run loose. That’s when it’s time to replace it.

A crude comparison, for sure, but one that best explains the process that happens – the process of the economic machine.

Just like with a machine, you shouldn’t pull the cog out while it’s in full force, but rather wait until the end of the workday to call the meeting and deliver the bad news to the person. This way it won’t sour the atmosphere for everyone else since termination is rarely if ever, received well.

Doing it this way helps keep the day as productive as it can be. If done at the end of the week, it can even give you enough time to find a replacement or to adjust the insubordinate employee’s workload in a way that it doesn’t overburden the others with the loss of manpower.

Now, for the actual termination meeting. Treat it as if you’re pulling a bandaid off. That means no small talk; no beating around the bush. Be clear and direct, and make sure to be calm and professional.

When they get in, allow them to take a seat first before you deliver the decision over to them.

Have the necessary paperwork ready with copies if needed so you can both have one as you run them down the list of all the infractions that they’ve committed that have led to this decision.

Once that’s done, let them have a moment to process this, stay silent, and let them get a response in. It won’t change the decision in most cases, and it shouldn’t, as you need to reflect on the fact that you follow through with company policy with no exception, and you’ve already given them plenty of chances.

That said, it will help them level their tidal wave of emotion and let them calm down as they come to terms with this decision.

It’s always hard to fire someone. I am aware of this because I was in this position multiple times.

I’ve had to fire many work colleagues I’ve had good relations with because they just weren’t performing up to company rules. If someone has to be the boogeyman, it may as well be the manager, team leader, or any other higher-up, it’s part of our responsibility after all.

Once all is said and done, and you’ve explained how the process is going to go, what will happen to everything they’ve worked on, and about whether they get to retain any benefits or not, it’s time to see them out.

Have them clear their desk out for their future replacement and leave the premises. Make sure to remain calm and level-headed about this.

Again, as harsh as it may seem, a company is a place of business, and making sure to keep a healthy environment as well as not risk the growth of the company’s business will require actions such as these. The machine needs to keep turning.

8. Never Wave Off Insubordination

Insubordination is a serious workplace infraction and should always be handled in a timely manner. Never allow such behavior to linger in your place of business, and encourage others to report such cases should they arise through fair and just disciplinary action.

Many negligent company owners do the wrong thing when they ask the question “What does insubordination mean to the health of my company? It’s only a little bit of playful banter, it’ll sort itself out.” Oh, how wrong they are.

If you start giving leeway to the insubordinate employees in question, you’re only allowing this “virus” to grow and infect others. Why should they be the ones being forced to follow the code of conduct if it’s not being enforced consistently and the infringing party is allowed to do as they please?

It’s complacency like this that leads to the downfall of many companies. When insubordinate behavior spreads, the managers start losing their grip on the employees in their department, which is bound to lead to a catastrophic conclusion and a major loss in the company’s performance.

So make sure to never give people special treatment as an excuse to justify their toxic behavior. And act quickly so you’re able to cut the problem out at the source and you’ll be able to avoid the worst-case scenario.

Final Words

We define insubordination as direct defiance of any authority or refusal to obey a completely rational and reasonable order.

It’s a challenging topic to tackle in the workplace, especially if you’re the company’s owner. It requires a sound, unbiased mind that cannot be influenced by outside factors to be able to make the right decision.

It’s bound to leave a sour taste in your mouth. After all, you’re directly influencing someone’s future. But you have to realize that it was their fault to begin with because they’re the ones who ended up breaching the terms of their employment.

Do not put this pressure solely on yourself as it isn’t yours to bear fully, but someone has to take some of it.

Always be adamant and quick to react when it comes to this workplace challenge, pinpoint its location, and stop it in its tracks before it gets out of control.

It might be a thankless job at times, but you’re ensuring that every other loyal and rule-abiding employee has a future by keeping the company from suffering any significant losses or problems.

The post 8 Tips to Deal with Insubordination in the Workplace appeared first on CareerMetis.com.

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[yes-dal456]

15 Signs That You Are Emotionally Intelligent

When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: People with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70 percent of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.

Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90 percent of top performers have high emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.

Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve if you’re lacking. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests aren’t free. So, I’ve analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. What follows are sure signs that you have a high EQ.

1. You Have a Robust Emotional Vocabulary.

All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36 percent of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.

People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.

2. You’re Curious About People.

It doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.

3. You Embrace Change.

Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these changes occur.

4. You Know Your Strengths And Weaknesses.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t just understand emotions; they know what they’re good at and what they’re terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and you know how to lean into them and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.

5. You’re A Good Judge Of Character.

Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness: the ability to read other people, know what they’re about, and understand what they’re going through. Over time, this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You know what they’re all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden beneath the surface.

6. You Are Difficult To Offend.

If you have a firm grasp of whom you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you, because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.

7. You Let Go of Mistakes.

Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.

8. You Don’t Hold Grudges.

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.

9. You Neutralize Toxic People.

Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. High EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and don’t allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult person’s standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.

10. You Don’t Seek Perfection.

Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you’ve achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.

11. You Disconnect.

Taking regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep your stress under control and to live in the moment. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even—gulp!—turning off your phone gives your body and mind a break. Studies have shown that something as simple as an e-mail break can lower stress levels. Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an e-mail that will change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop onto your phone at any moment.

12. You Limit Your Caffeine Intake.

Drinking excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, and adrenaline is the source of the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt e-mail. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. Caffeine’s long half-life ensures you stay this way as it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and they don’t let it get the better of them.

13. You Get Enough Sleep.

It’s difficult to overstate the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams) so that you wake up alert and clearheaded. High-EQ individuals know that their self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when they don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.

14. You Stop Negative Self-Talk in Its Tracks.

The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that—thoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook.

15. You Won’t Let Anyone Limit Your Joy.

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.

Bringing It All Together:

Unlike your IQ, your EQ is highly malleable. As you train your brain by repeatedly practicing new emotionally intelligent behaviors, it builds the pathways needed to make them into habits. As your brain reinforces the use of these new behaviors, the connections supporting old, destructive behaviors die off. Before long, you begin responding to your surroundings with emotional intelligence without even having to think about it.

Please share your thoughts in the comments section, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

Want to learn more from me? Check out my book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from http://ift.tt/2qEmSL1 from Blogger http://ift.tt/2qceLW2

[imreviewblog]

15 Signs That You Are Emotionally Intelligent

When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: People with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70 percent of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.

Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90 percent of top performers have high emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.

Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve if you’re lacking. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests aren’t free. So, I’ve analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. What follows are sure signs that you have a high EQ.

1. You Have a Robust Emotional Vocabulary.

All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36 percent of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.

People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.

2. You’re Curious About People.

It doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.

3. You Embrace Change.

Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these changes occur.

4. You Know Your Strengths And Weaknesses.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t just understand emotions; they know what they’re good at and what they’re terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and you know how to lean into them and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.

5. You’re A Good Judge Of Character.

Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness: the ability to read other people, know what they’re about, and understand what they’re going through. Over time, this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You know what they’re all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden beneath the surface.

6. You Are Difficult To Offend.

If you have a firm grasp of whom you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you, because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.

7. You Let Go of Mistakes.

Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.

8. You Don’t Hold Grudges.

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.

9. You Neutralize Toxic People.

Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. High EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and don’t allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult person’s standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.

10. You Don’t Seek Perfection.

Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you’ve achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.

11. You Disconnect.

Taking regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep your stress under control and to live in the moment. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even—gulp!—turning off your phone gives your body and mind a break. Studies have shown that something as simple as an e-mail break can lower stress levels. Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an e-mail that will change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop onto your phone at any moment.

12. You Limit Your Caffeine Intake.

Drinking excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, and adrenaline is the source of the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt e-mail. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. Caffeine’s long half-life ensures you stay this way as it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and they don’t let it get the better of them.

13. You Get Enough Sleep.

It’s difficult to overstate the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams) so that you wake up alert and clearheaded. High-EQ individuals know that their self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when they don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.

14. You Stop Negative Self-Talk in Its Tracks.

The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that—thoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook.

15. You Won’t Let Anyone Limit Your Joy.

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.

Bringing It All Together:

Unlike your IQ, your EQ is highly malleable. As you train your brain by repeatedly practicing new emotionally intelligent behaviors, it builds the pathways needed to make them into habits. As your brain reinforces the use of these new behaviors, the connections supporting old, destructive behaviors die off. Before long, you begin responding to your surroundings with emotional intelligence without even having to think about it.

Please share your thoughts in the comments section, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

Want to learn more from me? Check out my book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://huff.to/2p8Qxfp