#detrans support

[butch-reidentified]

"If women mistake a masc woman for a man ... is easily resolved by informing them you are female - they will likely be able to tell from your voice as well..." -welp, thats 1 of the things causing me to lean away from potentially reidentifying. a big reason i'm often gendered male is bc of my voice, which changed in the time i was on T. & i love my current voice! but it'd make it that much more difficult to have strangers believe/assume i'm a woman. i'd draw even more attention :/

I got two of these asks so I'll answer both here. The other:

The bathroom advice is good if your voice naturally falls into the stereotypical female range, one of my maternal cousins always used it nonchalantly since her boobs are small and not noticeable under her looser layered outfits. But it your voice falls into ambiguous or malepassing territory due to genes, pcos or history of external androgen use doing this can actually worsen the impression that you're not female especially if you're the kind of person that easily gets nervous or anxious :(

Not sure how much I buy this claim tbth. My voice was changed by T and I have never ever had that experience. If you are visibly anxious that only helps your case; trans identified males rarely feel anxious in women's spaces (see Lia Thomas swinging dick around in the women's locker room, for example... entitlement, not anxiety).

So, when I said to say hi to a woman in the restroom if she mistakes you for a man, it's really not JUST your voice. Your tone and the way you speak and body language etc are part of it too. Female socialization heavily impacts the way we speak and communicate, our intonation, etc. Plus, most women I know who have been on T, myself included, sound more froggy or androgynous rather than sounding like an average male. That said, you can always voice train if you really feel that self conscious about it. Or if you feel comfortable, simply saying "I'm female, I'm detransitioned. I was transitioning to make but decided it wasn't for me and stopped."

But again, I have had top surgery and been on T and have hairy legs and cargo shorts and short hair, and I have never ever ever once had even a sideways glance in a restroom. I don't think this is an issue you will face with any regularity. I have not known any detrans women, or even current FTMs, who pass SO intensely that they can't convince another woman of their female sex. Our bodies still show plenty signs of female-ness.

If we follow this absurd scenario to an extreme, I'd just show them my top surgery scars and call it a day lmao. I just can't imagine the chances are very high of a woman stopping you in a public bathroom and being belligerent about your sex, let alone it happening frequently. Women are socialized to be compliant and keep to ourselves and avoid confrontation. Most of us would hesitate to confront an actual man in the bathroom.

[seeksuffertrust]

if you as a trans/queer person only support detrans people if they agree with your views on gender and transition, then you are not better than those on the right who uplift and platform detrans people when they are speaking out against medical transition.

[sandtransman]

More people regret getting harry potter tattoos than transitioning.

[lunaslefthand]

heres a helpful chart i made

[mygenderisstillblurry]

This take is so baffling to me. What, detransitioners don't deserve support just because some of them have views you don't like? What about people who identify as "pro-trans detrans", are they fine or will you dismiss them and say they're lying? If you're going to dismiss all detransitioners as either TERFs or "super transphobic", those that aren't will have no support, and are more likely to end up in gender critical communities-- the very thing you hate. And to deride not only a community of vulnerable people, but also anyone in your own community who would dare to support them? It just saddens me, honestly.

[variousqueerthings]

"there's something that i say quite often now. i started saying it when i detransitioned, because i was pondering what it meant to me: and i say there is joy in reinvention - and what i mean by that is that i experience detrans joy. i have experienced a happiness that i never thought was possible before, through the rediscoverng of my own identity. and what i want to impress on people is that gender joy can thrive at any stage, whether that's trans joy or detrans joy." - lucy kartikasari

[transmonstera]

what's retrans I've never heard abt that

short for retransition! usually refers to those who may have detransitioned for a variety of reasons such as safety, changes in feelings, etc but do at another point come out again and "restart" their transition! even some who initially came out, say for instance, as a trans man but later comes out again as nonbinary may refer to themselves as retransitioning as their transness has not reverted or ceased, simply taken a different turn!

[just-lungs]

All the detrans tags on tumblr are fucking abysmal :(

[emergentenergy]

I transitioned and lived as a man for over four years before detransitioning back to womanhood. The entire experience has been incredibly chaotic, but I am proud of where I'm going. I'm coming up on two years off hormones, and so much has changed. Externally, yes- but also internally. This whole process has felt like slowly but surely coming home to myself. Like taking the hand of the person I once was and journeying back towards a life we can be proud of together. Some days are inexplicably hard, but some days are breathtakingly beautiful. My past is set, but my present and my future are in a constant state of creation, of evolution. There is always happiness and joy to be crafted in this lifelong endeavour to know oneself.

[butch-reidentified]

Detrans female lurker here. I wanted to chime in with some thoughts on voice training. I think you’re correct that most ftms don’t really end up with a fully male-passing voice, but I unfortunately did and it used to be a huge insecurity and source of anxiety for me. The idea of training my voice sounded really intimidating at first, but I decided it was worth a try and I’m really glad I did. It took me a few months to get decent results, but now my trained voice sounds almost exactly like my pre-T voice, just a bit raspier. I see a lot of detrans women who feel they’re stuck with a voice they hate and I want to offer some reassurance that this isn’t the case—they can change it if they want to. Voice training can be a pain but it really does work, and it becomes automatic once you’ve been at it long enough.

Unrelated: thank you for being a voice of reason and nuance. Like you, I don’t regret my mastectomy, and when I first started orbiting radfem spaces I was very put off by all the “mutilated and ruined” talk. I find it deeply hypocritical, and I’m glad there are people speaking out against it.

Hi! So happy to meet you! I always felt pressured to hide that my surgery helped me, since it doesn't serve the common agenda of many radfems/gc folks, but one of my most core rules for myself is total honesty. I genuinely take great pride in approaching all things with nuance and caution (my nickname in a certain section of facebook back in the day was Queen of Nuance lmaoo). It makes me really happy to hear that it's noticed and makes a difference for others.

I think being vocal and honest about our positive experiences with surgery could also be a key step in helping to repair relations between radfems and trans folks, since there are many people in both groups (and some people who belong to both!) who aren't on the extreme end and see the potential benefit in building a bridge.

It also helps show genderists that I'm coming from a place of understanding, empathy, honesty, and genuineness, not hatred of trans/dysphoric/gnc people (I am dysphoric and gnc, and it could be argued I am trans in a medical but not ideological sense).

I also, VERY importantly, want this blog to be somewhere other radfems and others questioning gender ideology feel 100% safe to talk to me, ask questions, or express opinions that parts of radblr might react more harshly to. I don't think there's anything wrong with that - women are not required to be patient, educators, etc., and I certainly feel the need to scream and rant and lash out my fair share - but if we want to put the good of all women and girls first, and reach other women/girls and show them there is safety in sisterhood, some of us need to take that patient, nuanced role on sometimes. I find that people go from hateful to open pretty quick once they realize in one-on-one interaction that I'm not some trans-hating bogeyman, just a regular woman who understands dysphoria and wants everyone to be as healthy, happy, and free as possible.

Thanks for the voice training info btw! I definitely believe in the power of voice training. Despite some radfems claiming otherwise, when done right for a prolonged period of time, you can do most anything with vocal training, and it does become your "real voice." I think a lot of radfems who haven't known many MTFs irl think their voices are all fake and that if, say, they talk in their sleep, it would be in a regular deep man's voice. That's not true. Now, my experience is pretty limited to gender critical transsexuals rather than gendies, but I often discuss my mtf best friend on here, who's stayed over at me n my wife's house many times and is a hell of a sleep talker 🤣 At least in her case (and again, I use "she" bc my brain has only ever perceived her as female so it feels dishonest not to, not because she has asked me to or cares in the slightest), I can 100% confirm that the trained voice is permanent and never disappears - I mean it is like working out one muscle group a ton and letting another atrophy, so it makes sense. So it's not like voice training means talking in a fake voice for the rest of your life, which is what a lot of people seem to think.

I'm glad to hear you have no regrets about surgery and are happy as you are :) I'd love to chat more with you and hear your perspectives and opinions!

[buggybestfriend]

wait genuinely why do u think terfs would be trans if they stopped being rancid? im curious about ur theory

I am going to trust that you do in fact mean this genuinely and aren't trying to bait me but essentially it's that a lot of r/ad/f/ems (particularly t/e/r/f/s) hate being women

I've seen lots of "i wish i could be a man" and "i don't feel any connection to womanhood" and "i don't feel like a woman/if i could i would have no gender"

To me it reads a lot like, well not gender envy but something of the like. It shows a dislike of womanhood

[feferipeixes]

vent

[emilnikos]

out of curiosity where'd you go/what did you have to do to get your T prescription? we're the same age but I have no idea where to go or what to do! :')

okay so. the way I got it might be different from yours bc of where I live. I'm from Scandinavia and started the process of pursuing medical transition around 5 years ago. I have no idea how things work outside of my own country sorry 😔

The first thing I did was talk to my GP who then referred me to a psychiatrist who I talked to for roughly 5-6 months. I believe I received a diagnosis of Gender Incongruence but idk if that's still required bc again. That was 5 years ago.

From surface level research it seems that it's still a diagnosis but doesn't mention anywhere if it's still required. so. shrugs. My psychiatrist then referred me to the only clinic in the country who helps you with this kind of stuff (there is one alternative you can use if you have a postal adress in the capital, which I don't) And then I had meetings with a professional there twice a year (if I was lucky the waiting lists are loong. but on average it should be twice a year) until I turned 18.

When I turned 18 I was transferred from the kids unit to the one for adults. Then I had to have a conversation with Two More psychiatrists (with a half year gap in-between yes still only biyearly meetings) who would then discern if I was ready and prepared for medical transition (though sometimes it felt like they were testing if I was "trans enough" lmao) and then after that they finally referred me to an endocrinologist, who I met with to discuss the side effects and risks of testosterone. and then I got my prescription.

[tealfruit]

sorry I'm just not gonna take you seriously if you say that terfs ONLY and PRIMARILY target trans women and will side with literally anyone to do so. they don't. that is their Big Target but do not get it twisted they also hate trans men. to them we are gender traitors and we apparently benefit from male privilege while also being ugly misguided Women who are ruining our Beautiful Feminine Bodies with Evil Man Hormones. we are Poor Innocent Women being indoctrinated into the Trans Cult and then doing violence on Good Natural Women. they are either erasing and misgendering us by calling us women or demonizing us bc of our manhood, sometimes both in the same breath. terfs do not ally with us, they actively hate us too and want us wiped out.

[electriccenturies]

Okay, so the other day I was talking about how there's two "detransition" subreddits, right? One that's unfortunately full of never-transitioned transphobes, and one that has practically zero detrans people because it so aggressively prioritizes the feelings of trans people over the feelings of detrans people (for a long time they didn't even have any detrans mods, if that gives you a clue of why this subreddit exists in the first place).

I can't really handle either of them these days, so I usually just Avoid, but some people on twitter were making fun of a post on the second ("good") one, and I really had something to say to the OP so I went and replied... and I think it's SO. TELLING. that of the replies, mine was the only one from a detransitioned person... and mine was also the only one the OP responded to (and said it was helpful).

I say this all to point out how strange and sick it is that hurting, questioning trans people get pointed to this "good" and "virtuous" resource that WILL NOT HELP THEM AT ALL, and does not even have the primary goal of helping them! It certainly happened to me.

This person specifically was posting about how they want to dress feminine all of a sudden and are starting to think that they just feel too fat to be pretty, not actually that they don't want that... and if I hadn't happened to see other people being mean about it, the only advice this person struggling with body image would have gotten would be to "embrace femininity" by waxing, wearing makeup, and dressing for their body... which is not actually addressing what they're saying!

Instead of what they actually WANTED to be told, which was that those feelings have nothing to do with gender, so dressing differently, or trying to be seen as pretty, will never solve them.

This isn't about me or any other detransitioner being in the right place at the right time, though — it's about the fact that I *don't* like to go on this subreddit, and neither do any detrans people I know who have feelings more Complicated than just "I'm glad I tried it". There's few opportunities for our knowledge to mix. That is why there need to be real, facilitated detrans support groups — preferably irl — where people can discuss (unfortunately) taboo ideas like mental illness causing dysphoria, and the possibility that some of us (unconsciously) transitioned as a coping mechanism.

[pceexistsinthevoid]

imagine if transphobic legislators were logically consistent with their "concern about regrets relating to medical transition care" and banned knee replacements and breast cancer treatments and prostate cancer treatments and *checks notes* every other medical procedure or treatment because there's An Amount of people who regret some or all of the treatment