#dichotomy of ME!!! love arguing but also i hate arguing.

[ratcandy]

getting into actual angry arguments: awful. terrible. going to be thinking about it for the rest of the day. leaves me seething about what I could have said differently for the rest of my life.

getting into friendly debates: ohhhhhh enrichmennce.. :) mine brain is so full and thinking..........yippie yaaaaaay!!!!!!

[princesssarisa]

One of the most fascinating pieces of movie analysis I've ever read is J.B. Kaufman's thesis of the "two different Snow Whites" in Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

He writes about this in both of his two books on the making of the movie, The Fairest One of All and its companion piece Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: The Art and Creation. His argument is that Snow White's two leading animators, Hamilton Luske and Grim Natwick, each gave Snow White a slightly different personality when they drew her. A close look at the movie, and knowledge of who animated which moments, reveals subtle differences in Snow White's expressions and body language. Luske, her head animator who handled the majority of her scenes, portrayed her as a more purely innocent, childlike character, while Natwick, the creator of Betty Boop, gave her a little more maturity, sophistication, and sauciness.

You can see the difference, for example, when comparing her girlish interactions with the animals in "With a Smile and a Song" and "Whistle While You Work" (animated by Luske) to her flirtatious smiling at the Prince from the balcony, or her "mothering" of the dwarfs as she examines their dirty hands (animated by Natwick). Or her responses to Grumpy in the scene before the Washing Song: as she asks "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" she looks at him with a devilish grin (Natwick), but then when he sticks out his tongue at her, she reacts with the most wide-eyed, girlish shock (Luske).

Now, I don't know if these two men really held different views of Snow White's character, or if it just worked out that Luske drew Snow White's more innocent scenes while Natwick was assigned her more grown-up moments. But either way, Kaufman argues that this "tension," the movie's constant push-and-pull between "Snow White as a wide-eyed innocent girl" and "Snow White as a self-assured young woman," makes her an especially interesting Disney Princess. I tend to agree, especially because, miraculously, there's no sense of inconsistency in her character. She comes across as a young girl on the verge of womanhood, who naturally can still be naïve and childlike in some ways, but more grown-up and clever in others.

This thesis makes me wonder if certain "tensions" in other movies are the result of different viewpoints within the creative team.

For example, in Beauty and the Beast.

Linda Woolverton has often talked about her feminist goals in writing Belle's character, which sometimes clashed with her collaborators' visions of Belle as a more traditional fairy tale heroine. It just might have been those clashing viewpoints that created the dichotomy in Belle that I personally think makes her interesting. On the one hand, she's a strong-willed misfit rebel, partly inspired by Jo March in Little Women and by Katharine Hepburn's screwball comedy heroines, who longs for adventure, isn't looking for romance until she unexpectedly finds it, stands up to men (and beasts) who abuse their power, and refuses to let anyone dominate her. On the other hand, she's a sensitive dreamer with delicate beauty and balletic grace, who wears pretty, ladylike dresses, adores fairy tales and love stories, and is sweet, nurturing, and almost motherly to her friends and loved ones. Yet somehow these two sides of her character co-exist with no sense of inconsistency between them.

There's also the dichotomy between the two different views of the Beast that the movie seems to present at once. On the one hand, there's the Beast as an unseemly brute, who's beastly form is both a just punishment for his flawed character and an outward symbol of it, and who needs to be "tamed" into proper "human" behavior, culminating in his physically turning human again. On the other hand, there's the Beast as a suffering, self-loathing outcast, unfairly hated, feared, and dehumanized, whose plight under the spell can easily be read as an AIDS allegory, and who needs to be accepted and loved as he is. I suspect that this also stems from different goals and viewpoints in the creative team. (For example, Howard Ashman's clash with the directors over whether the Prince should be a child or a man in the prologue – the former would have made him more "tragic" but the latter makes his punishment more "fair.")

I'd like to read an analysis of these "tensions" similar to Kaufman's analysis of the "two different Snow Whites."

[melrosing]

What do you think about the idea of Cersei and Brienne as Jaime’s Madonna/Whore dichotomy?

talked about this a bit before but I think actually the Madonna-whore dichotomy is widely misinterpreted, and I think even by me to some degree? so pasting the actual definition of the 'complex' below directly from wikipedia.

In psychoanalytic literature, a Madonna–whore complex (also called a Madonna–mistress complex) is the inability to maintain sexual arousal within a committed and loving relationship. First identified by Sigmund Freud, who called it psychic impotence, it is a psychological complex that is said to develop in men who see women as either saintly Madonnas or debased whores. Men with this complex desire a sexual partner who has been degraded (whore) while they cannot desire the respected partner (Madonna). Freud wrote, "Where such men love they have no desire, and where they desire they cannot love." X (emphasis mine)

so rather than being simply a narrative contrast between 'the good virgin and the evil whore' (an interpretation which I broke down here a couple of years ago, to argue that a contrast on the basis of their sexual experience was not an intentional dichotomy within the narrative), the complex specifically denotes that the man feel a kind of asexual admiration for the former and a lowly lust for the latter; he can only love the madonna, but he can only desire the whore. most other sources corroborate this definition.

and this does not apply to the Cersei/Jaime/Brienne trio. Jaime and Brienne's relationship is not, and has never been chaste. Jaime has been staring at her body since the first page of his POV, and she has been looking right back at his. they've bathed together, gotten aroused by it, and then gotten aroused reflecting back on it (or in Jaime's case, thought back on it when aroused lol). their first fight together deliberately references a first night together, and intentionally demonstrates their physical chemistry. there's a lot that's sweetly courtly about jb but it is not an asexual romance: the physical, sexual component is as significant as the courtly.

meanwhile: Jaime has never struggled to love and desire Cersei simultaneously. famously: "the things I do for love". Jaime has loved Cersei since they were born, has been as close to her as anyone ever has been or will be, and has desired her plenty. his desire falls away when he falls out of love with her. there is no split: he loved and desired her once, now he loves and desires her less.

fwiw i think Jaime will never stop loving Cersei, even if he lives to 100. it will just take on a new form, and in their case probably some bizarre mix of 'twin sister who i will always feel some unbreakable bond with' and 'irreconcileable-differences-mother-of-my-children ex that I was in a relationship with since we were teens'. the love is always going to be there, but I don't think the desire will. that also contradicts the dichotomy, which argues that the man feels incapable of love for the whore, rather only desire.

so idk if we're going to use the dichotomy to the letter, it simply doesn't apply. if we're talking about Jaime loving Brienne for her 'purity' and hating Cersei as 'damaged goods', then talked about that in the answer linked above.

[owl127]

Can youuuu…mayyybe…please write something containing a 🗡️ character and a jockstrap. Ugh something about jockstraps, mouth guards, and feminine girls doing masculine things is so hot🥵

read on Ao3

Reading @lexa-griffins talk about wanheda’s dagger got me inspired, so… *throws confetti in the air*

Lexa’s boots kicked dirty on her way to the bus stop.

“Lexa!” The cries behind her continued, along with the annoying click of cleats against asphalt. “Lexa, wait!”

Ignoring the girl running after her, Lexa climbed onto the bus without looking back. The driver looked her pursuer and rolled her eyes, signaling for the dirty athlete to hop into the campus bus.

“Thanks, Carla!” Lexa heard, and of course she would be friends with the bus drivers, because apparently, Clarke Griffin is very friendly with people. Girls in particular.

Lexa looked straight ahead as Clarke Griffin, captain of the soccer team, president of the debate club, LGBTQ+ alliance vice-president, and a fucking player sat next to her. Clarke swore at the mud tracks following her and lowered her socks with a long sigh.

“Lexa—” Clarke tried, but Lexa mmf-ed and turned her back to the alpha. “Okay, this is getting ridiculous.”

“You’re the one tracking mud on school property.”

“Brittany is like, nothing, she’s—”

“Have you slept with her?” Lexa turned to look into Clarke’s eyes, searching for honesty, trust, anything that would make the last three months she dedicated to this woman worth it. She found honesty, yes, but regretted it immediately.

“Not recently!” Clarke defended. “She likes to cheer in every game, and she keeps saying we’re seeing each other, but Lex, I haven’t been with her since before I met you!”

Lexa squinted her eyes, watching a bead of sweat forming on Clarke’s forehead.

“Okay, maybe once after we met, but we weren’t exclusive back then!”

The logic part of Lexa’s brain argued that Clarke had a point, and even Lexa had been on a fruitless date after she met Clarke. Had she thought about Clarke all the time? Totally. Did it in the end it help her see she was actually into the charming athlete? Yes, but irrelevant at the moment, since now the unreasonable part of Lexa’s brain kept replaying Brittany’s voice: “And that’s Clarke, number 10. She’s the captain. She’s also delicious.” A pink tongue over lipstick gloss had accompanied that statement, and a graphic image of that girl on her knees for Clarke had made Lexa escape the match as soon as she could.

Clarke had seen the iteration from the sidelines and had abandoned the bench in obvious pursuit.

“Are we exclusive?” Clarke asked when Lexa refrained from commenting. “I… I thought we were.” The girl swallowed, setting her face in the same hard angles as when she kicked a penalty. “I want us to be,” she said, extending a hand between them.

Lexa signed and took the offered hand in hers, feeling how warm it was, despite the fall leaves rushing past the bus window. She loved how warm Clarke’s hands were, a dichotomy to her always freezing extremities. Lexa mumbled something, and Clarke leaned closer, asking, “what was that?”

“Maybe I overreacted,” Lexa confessed, the almost empty bus a witness to the fact. “I hated seeing that girl talking about your dick like she owned it.”

Red crept into Clarke’s cheeks, making its way to her ears. “Well… she doesn’t,” Clarke said, one hand around Lexa’s waist. “You do,” she whispered, and Lexa’s face flushed with heat. “I want to be exclusive. If there’s any girl out there bragging about my dick, I want it to be you.”

“How romantic.”

“You’re into it,” Clarke argued, her bright eyes following Lexa’s scarf until it hid inside her jacket.

Logic once more piped up in Lexa’s mind that the girl had a point. The thong she had worn to celebrate Clarke’s game dampened with proof.

“You didn’t bring your phone or anything?” Lexa asked. “You just ran after me?”

“Of course. I couldn’t let you go looking pissed like that! And Octavia will pick up my shit.”

“So it’s not the first time you abandon your team celebration to pursue a girl?”

Panic flashed in Clarke’s eyes and Lexa felt merciful. “I guess from now on you’ll only be doing this for me.”

“Yeah.” Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheeks, sighing in relief. “My apartment is not far from here,” she said, the kiss lingering. “And I’m in desperate need of a shower.”

“Oh.” Lexa’s heart picked up, her cold hands warming up in her fingerless gloves. “If it’s out of desperation, we need to stop.”

“You’re so kind.”

With Octavia and the rest of the team still back at the football complex, there was no reservation for stripping as soon as they stumbled into Clarke’s apartment. The spare key with her neighbor was worth it (the assistant professor had looked the couple up and down and threw the key in their direction before closing the door and turning her TV colossally loud). Clarke’s shirt and cleats didn’t make it to the hallway, and Lexa’s pants puddled by the bathroom’s door. Lexa pulled the athletic shorts down and met the hard resistance of a jockstrap cup.

“Isn’t it uncomfortable?” she asked, drumming her fingers on top of the hard carbon fiber.

“Right now it’s pretty uncomfortable.” Clarke chuckled and kissed Lexa’s neck hard enough to bruise. “But that’s your fault.”

Lexa focused on Clarke’s high ponytail next, letting the blonde tresses free under the white light. “Yeah,” Lexa said, “it is.”

“Feeling possessive, huh?” Clarke nipped at the soft skin under Lexa’s chin while stepping out of her shorts, completely nude. Clarke moaned at the hands exploring her broad shoulders, digging into her trapezius, and scratching her deltoids. Lexa admired Clarke’s curves, but she salivated at her muscles.

A moan froze in a gasp as Lexa felt for Clarke’s erection, now free from the confines of jock straps and tight, athletic shorts. “Very possessive,” Lexa said, moving her hand in deliberate slowness, pushing eager hips back when Clarke tried to increase the pace. “You can be the leader of your team, but here” — a strong squeeze that made Clarke whine — “I’m captain.” The exhale on Lexa’s shoulder was nothing but a moan.

“Fuck,” Clarke said, her head surrendering to Lexa’s biceps as she mercifully started moving her hand.

Clarke smelled like sweat, and heat, and vetiver, and Lexa had it all for herself. She inhaled deeply, her brain creating a new pathway for that scent of love, need, and lust. Lexa prided herself on being an omega in full authority of her body and desires, but as Clarke groaned on her neck, Lexa surrendered to the primal need of control.

“Come for me, babe,” she said, softly albeit with a command, and poor Clarke followed like a trained puppy.

Lexa held her close as Clarke trembled, expending the last of her strength over Lexa’s olive skin. When Clarke’s knee threatened to buckle, Lexa guided the exhausted girl under the hot shower stream.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke mumbled as water covered her mouth. Lexa distracted herself with shampooing Clarke’s hair, and the fresh scent of mint and vetiver filled the fogging air.

“About what?”

Clarke turned to look Lexa in the eyes, all half-lidded and yawning. “I’m sorry for not being clear about being exclusive before. I was afraid.”

Lexa nuzzled the shampoo suds away from Clarke’s cheek. “Afraid?” she asked.

Clarke hugged her under the water, their wet bodies molding together. The water soothed Lexa’s skin, but Clarke remained her major source of warmth. “I was afraid you’d say no.”

“How could I not?” Lexa kissed her girlfriend — seemed safe to call her that way — until they were out of breath. “I hate sports, and you got me outside in a chilly morning just to watch you kicking some balls.”

“It’s one ball.”

“Whatever. Come here.”

Clarke obeyed, her hand sliding down beautiful curves to elicit a moan from Lexa. She responded in kind, hardening between them.

Octavia was pissed when she arrived home from their game and there was no hot water.

[catiuapavel]

which tactics ogre characters would have cats as pets, and which ones would have dogs?

Unfortunately I've already pondered this question for several characters so I will place them in different categories: in the dichotomy of cats vs dogs and outside of it for a myriad of reasons ranging from (simply prefers other animals or "would kick puppies and cuts a cat's whiskers" type). I only wanted to list the ones I had strong opinions about but then I realized there were so many that I might as well list the entire cast.

Cats:

Catiua: It's in the name 😩 Catiua loves cats because she thinks they're misunderstood creatures, she needs one specifically that's just a nasty little to anyone but her so she can make excuses for their behaviour. Maybe Catiua is a little bit of a cat herself... Beside why would she need a dog when she has Vyce.

Prancet: He is the local stray cats of Golyat feeder but don't be mistaken: he loves dogs nonetheless.

Lanselot Tartaros: Controversial take that I am completely right about but Lanselot is a cat person. I don't see him interested in taking care of a pet but he'd believe that all cats are low-maintenance animals, and would have a cat (but only if they're actually low-maintenance). Giving them a chin scritch every now and then is as much love as he'd manage to show.

Donnalto: Proud owner of the countless cats his children have insisted on adopting across the years.

Olivya: She feeds stray kittens scraps daily, she also traps and rehomes feral cat like it's a hobby.

Hobyrim: As much as I believe that he has had many dogs growing up, and that he truly does like dogs, in his heart... He knows he's a cat person.

Sherri: She's a cat person, no other animal will do. But she also won't let the cat climb on her lap because she doesn't like that the hair sticks to her clothes. She likes (not loves) cats, at a distance.

Xaebos: Persian cat person

Warren: This is a cat-man. He has a cat back in Xenobia, I'm sure of it.

Gildas: Cat person in dog person disguise

Dogs:

Vyce: The game doesn't place all these canine words for fun, he is a dog person. He could use a pet he can do plenty with like going on a long jog with, and playing enthusiastically with. Plus I think he needs to argue with Catiua about how dogs are much better than cats while Denam spaces out for his own well-being. That being said, I do believe Vyce doesn't hate cats, he only pretends otherwise to argue with Catiua. He likes them just fine.

Jeunan: Extremely dog person. In a modern AU, you'd see this man in your local park at 7:30am, 11:45am, 2:45m, 5:30pm and 8:45pm diligently walking his dog (dreamy sigh)

Oz: Everything about Oz screams "cat" me (he's my little meow meow for a start) but Oz absolutely is the type of person who'd own the most impeccable purebred hunting dogs. Not that he would take care of them (he has servants for this, of course). He would mostly enjoy the prestige of having them. Maybe this doesn't make him someone who loves dog but rather sees them as a display of wealth... Let's say he's a nuanced dog person.

Balxephon: Unsufferable owner of only the most award-winning purebred competition dog. He scoffs at lowly strays. That's one more thing for him and Oz to bond over.

Volaq: To Volaq, dogs are the model of loyalty. And Volaq values loyalty above all else (whatever definition of this he may have). So he's a proud dog person.

Ravness: I have no argument to back up my belief she's a dog person. It's just a vibe.

Lanselot Hamilton: is a dog person, I will accept no criticism. (Plus he is Tartaros' narrative foil after all...)

Balbatos: The worst kind of dog owner.

Cerya: BIG dog kind of person. Small dogs will not do, she will not aknowledge their existence. No, Cerya needs the greatest of hounds, the most imposing beast.

Cistina: Small dog kind of person and will not let her big sister know.

Mirdyn: Dog person in cat person disguise

Hektor: Proud dog person.

Neither a dog nor a cat person... but a third option entirely:

Denam: Denam is ambivalent on the matter. He'd probably have both at the same time. (all things remain balanced within the Golyat trio)

Ganpp: Canonly a bird person. In fact Ganpp is one of the only two Tactics Ogre character who canonly loves any animal at all.

Ocionne: She is the second character who canonly loves any animal at all. Not a cat person, not a dog person, not even a bird person... A reptile person this time (dragons count as such for the purpose of this post).

Dorgalua: The game implies he may very well be a bird person.

Canopus: Bird person (ah). He will never admit to it because people (Gildas) will run the joke into the ground.

Dievold & Oelias: I am sure they are both animal lovers. I think Oelias deserves to have a pet like a macaw who will stay with her for a very long time... 😶

Barbas & Martym: These two HATE animals.

Ronwey: He doesn't hate animals. He simply does not like them.

Brantyn: After debating Brantyn being a cat person, then debating Brantyn being a dog person, I have concluded that he isn't interested in animals.

Ozma: I am ambivalent about Ozma, she is either a cat person or a dog person, not both at once, not anything else. I can see Ozma loving her beautiful angora cat and spoiling her like no one else. Unlike Balxephon and Oz, the cat would even be allowed on the bed. On the other hand, Ozma could be the most dedicated dog-owner of all time and I would believe it. She's a riddle.

Leonar: This is a Horse Girl.

Andoras: In my heart, Andoras is a cat person... I don't have any justifications for this, it's just based on a vibe. Realistically, I think he'd be outside of the dichotomy. Maybe he's a fish or a reptile kind of person.

Iuria: She loves all animals but clearly... Iuria loves fish the most.

Azelstan: Dolphins and whales connoisseur.

Cressida: Insects. Most specifically: moths.

Xapan: Cannot be trusted with animals.

Nybeth: I will -personally- take any pet away from him, just like I will take his children away from him.

Deneb: You might be inclined to think that Deneb is a cat person because... Well, witch aesthetics. But the truth is... Deneb is a reptile kind of person. Which is why you have to sell her so many. How she shows her love and if it's beneficial to the reptile is another matter entirely.

Arycelle: She needs someone loyal who won't lie to her and use her... So any animal will do, I suppose.

Bayin, Folcurt, Mannaflora, Vernotta, Lindl, Rudlum, and any other minor villain and character I may be forgetting atm: Insufficient data to be categorized (although my partner is protesting, stating that Folcurt is a dog person and I'm inclined to go along with this).

(Apologies to any character I may have forgotten.)

[antisocialxconstruct]

I didn't like Cyberpunk: Edgerunners but I can't think of a clever heading

Okay every time I come back to work on this my thesis changes a little bit so I'm just going to start like this: full disclosure, I went into Edgerunners mostly out of morbid curiosity and I was prepared not to like it very much. I have no real love either for CDPR's game or for Pondsmith's source material, and this show would have needed to bring some pretty show-stopping, foundation-shaking ideas to the setting in order to win me over. It did not do that. That said, also in the spirit of full disclosure, there were moments where I did find myself genuinely kind of enjoying watching it. It's a good looking and well-acted show that has some high points, especially around the middle of the series, although in the end they mostly just leave me wishing that those high points could be transplanted into a different, better story.

(Also I will be spoiling major plot points as well as the finale. Read at your discretion.)

Ultimately, I was never going to actually, genuinely like Edgerunners for the simple fact that I hate "cyberpsychosis" as a concept. In fact I'm comfortable saying it's by far one of the worst tropes the cyberpunk genre has been burdened with and patently refuses to examine, right up there with the gratuitous orientalism and weird contempt for sex workers. I don't know that Pondsmith was the very first to introduce the idea into the genre, but I think it's safe to say that Cyberpunk (the ttrpg) had enough of a hand in popularizing it to solidly lodge transhumanist discussions in the ditch of "but what if cybernetic enhancements made you CrAzY" for the last thirty years.

Not only is the idea that "psychosis = indiscriminate violence" just pure, uncut ableism (psychotic people are statistically far more likely to be the victims of abuse and violence than the perpetrators), but from a narrative standpoint, assuming that extensive cybernetics are just an automatic ticket to losing your mind and dying in a rain of blood and viscera is lazy. It's boring. It depends on a complete disinterest and refusal to engage with the nuances of individual characters' personalities and mental states, or the way societal bias and pressure might impact someone's perception of themself or other modded people.

The most frustrating thing to me is that Edgerunners feels like it almost manages to actually have something to say on this subject, but I don't think it's self-aware enough to commit to it. The first episode presents us with a pretty clear thesis: the only way to survive and succeed in Night City is to be enhanced; and an equally clear antithesis: being too enhanced will inevitably destroy you. This feels like a potentially really interesting dichotomy, but while these ideas will both prove to be true and central to the plot, it's mostly just in the sense that... they are both true statements. There will be no examination of why, or how those two contradictions interact with each other, or what creates and influences this reality.

And it's not like there isn't room to interrogate this concept in a nuanced way. The kinds of cybernetics most prominently on display in the show are disproportionately combat-focused--things explicitly designed to make a single person better at hurting and killing. So you could argue that the mental degradation could have less to do with the physical reality of being modded, and more to do with the baseline personality required to electively turn your own body into a weapon, or the pressure placed on the human psyche by realizing you now have the ability to kill, easily and indiscriminately, in a way you never could before. But this is not what the universe's lore tells us. If it was, there would have been no reason for Maine (the obligatory seasoned mentor/father figure) to succumb to cyberpsychosis when he was clearly incredibly grounded and invested in the safety and wellbeing of his team, and cybernetically enhanced for the demands of the work he did rather than for the simple glee of violence. If it was about individuals, there would be no reason for characters to remark often throughout the series about the novelty of David being able to withstand the Sandevistan, a single implant that really does nothing more than make him exceptionally fast but is apparently so powerful and taxing on the body that it alone could make the average person into a "cyberpsycho" (ugh). If it was about individuals I would have sooner expected a villain arc from the classmate tormenting David in the first few episodes (whose name I don't remember because he quickly becomes completely irrelevant) who seemed to delight in the sheer fact that he had muscle augments that made bullying easier and more violent.

So maybe the show gets a little closer to saying something about SocietyTM? After all, the first episode does a great job of establishing how utterly desolate it is trying to exist in Night City without money (it's actually one of the few aspects of the show I genuinely liked). Then it's reinforced multiple times that the average person's only choices for survival are the endless grind of climbing the corporate ladder (as David's mother wanted for him before she died) or the endless urban warfare of being a mercenary (as he chooses for himself), with the ultimate irony being that the mercs still work for the corporations anyway. I think I would probably argue that this is the central theme of the story, which ends with David as a pawn in an arms race between two major corporations, which had no real bearing on his life and still rather dramatically, literally, tears him apart. And in the end, he still convinces himself that he chose this, that it was something noble that he did for someone else's sake, rather than something he was driven into both by direct manipulation and by societal circumstances far beyond his control. The corps push cybernetics on everyone, indiscriminately, convince them that it's the normal and desirable way of life, and don't care that they're creating monsters and causing massive and constant losses of human life. It's not a bad premise, and it's woven through the narrative effectively enough that I had to sit with it a bit to piece it together but came away feeling like it came through clearly.

My problem with that is that at best, "cyberpsychosis" adds nothing to this premise except shock value and an excuse for gratuitous violence. At worst, it skews the message into something far more hurtful and less compelling. Capitalist society does create monsters, but it's the ultra-wealthy and ultra-powerful who lose any capacity to sympathize with the rest of humanity. Within the Cyberpunk universe, "cyberpsychos" feel far more analogous to addicts and petty criminals--the idea being that some people just choose to put something into their body that makes them worse, that makes them dangerous, that they're not "good enough" to know their limits, and they should be feared and hated for it. But addicts are people who are desperate, lost, and grasping for any scrap of power and control they can wrest from their own circumstances, even at the expense of their own health and wellbeing, or that of the people around them. They are victims, and creating a universe where their analogues are presented as monsters, as indiscriminate mass-killers who can only be stopped by militarized police aggression, is disgusting.

So, I don't know. Am I asking too much from a 10-episode shonen anime that mostly exists as a video game tie-in? Maybe. But then maybe the 10-episode video game tie-in anime should have focused on something less lofty.

[chelseacattos]

https://www.tumblr.com/chelseacattos/717579524125179904/my-children-nesta-didnt-submit-to-anyone-she?source=share

The thing is, I'm not a Nesta stan. I'm not an anti either, but I never cared for her. With that in mind, and I mean this so respectfully, but which friends? None of the people who stepped in were her friends, most of them hated or strongly disliked her (not saying they shouldn't have), and a few of them straight up implied they didn't care if she died more than once throughout the book. I'm honestly not sure why they went to the trouble instead of just...cutting off her line of credit or kicking her out of the Night Court. What was done was basically torture porn. I really wanted Nesta to get help, but like...atp no one should be arguing that the way it was done was good or helpful at all. Nesta healed in spite of their help, not because of it. And I'm saying this as someone who had to be hospitalized for my issues very similarly to Nesta and whose actual friends and family helped me because I was destructive. If I were "helped" by people who made it clear they hated me because I embarrassed them, forcibly removed from my home permanently, and forced to do what they wanted with no regards to my wishes or safety, I would've just ended my life.

As a healing arc, ACOSF was not done well at all and our love of the series should not mean being blind to what was written so cruelly. I honestly have real questions for SJM after this if she thought how Nesta was "healed" was healthy at all. I would've been all for Nesta being held accountable by Feyre, but this whole "she was killing herself and we stepped in" thing is...weird at best, because none of the people who stepped in did so because they loved her or liked her or cared about her or because they were good people or even wanted her to get better. They only stepped in because she was embarrassing them, and I think as a healing arc, this sends the wrong message.

Here's the thing: Nesta is an unreliable narrator, especially at the start of the book. Nesta's insistence that everyone hates her isn't an irrefutable fact, it's her character's perspective. Nesta hated herself, so she believed everyone around her did, too. Feyre tried giving Nesta space and letting her figure things out and process on her own. Nesta had the opportunity and resources to seek healing in her own way, but she chose to continue an obviously unhealthy lifestyle. I personally think SJM dropped the ball with Amren and there should have been waaay more development with their relationship, but Amren is a complex and nuanced character and I think her intentions are deeper than "I hate Nesta and she's embarassing." Same can be said for literally every other character, especially Rhysand. They "went through the trouble," as you said, because they care about Nesta. All of the characters in the books are flawed and their actions and choices aren't always good, but that's what makes it a compelling story. I don't agree that Nesta was safer or better off staying alone in her run down apartment with no heat or running water. Is it really that awful to live in a magical palace and work in an ancient library and train to become a warrior and learn to control your Death God Power and make new best friends and revive the Valkyries and also have hot sex? Also I find it interesting that you insist ACOSF is "torture porn" when the entire second half of ACOTAR exists. Like....Feyre was Actually Tortured, that's literally all that happened Under the Mountain. And really, like...no shade but SJM forced a Male/Female dichotomy on her entire universe, I really don't expect her to write a healing arc that meets modern ethical expectations. But that’s just me.

[declanowo]

Weekly Random (horror) Film - Bonus Review! - Krampus

8/12/23

I have a distinct memory of when I was younger; I sat at christmas, lamenting on a classmate of mine, he was the so-called “bad kid”, however, I couldn’t name anything in particular he ever did at that time that stands out to me. Regardless, I thought about all the presents I had, and considered the piles of coal he must have received - it was distressing to say the least, because what use would he have with coal, and furthermore, did he really deserve such a terrible lot? However, I later learnt he did not receive coal, shocking I know, but learning this brought an unusual sense to me, the concept of punishment made sense to me, yet it made me feel so awful. Still, I struggle with such thoughts, of retribution, punishment and how far one should go, however I always manage to arrive back at a single image in my mind, of that boy riding around on a bike, instead of cradling a sack of coal. The dichotomy of wanting punishment, but hating watching it is so integral to me, and had I known about the titular subject of today’s film then, I imagine it would have shaped me similarly into a fearful person. 

My experience watching Krampus was delightful - my boyfriend and I were wrapped up warm, shielded from the bitter chill of the winter wind outside, drinking tea and having a great time. Later that same day, he quickly brushed past a Christmas market, and it further created this sense of winter within my mind - as a child, I had loved Winter so much, envisioning it in my mind as a flurry of snow, coating the frosty sky, all the while the sun continues to shine to ensure we can see. Now, I see a more cynical, albeit, realistic depiction of Winter - the sky is eternally midnight, filled with clouds not of snow, but of drizzling rain, wind blows relentlessly, yet, I still love this. The market was an embodiment of that, however, the warm glow of the lights is what makes it so much more festive, creating what could be misery, and bringing hope to it. That and of course, I was with someone I love. All this is to say that I loved Krampus, and the company and day itself aids this tremendously. 

Much like my last bonus review, I did sit down and try to do some research, however much of it was not publicly, or readily, available to me; I enjoy making the bonus reviews a bit more slender anyway, they are of course extras. Besides, there was enough to learn about the titular entity, who has a really interesting history! So while this review will likely be somewhat unstructured, I do intend to make it an enjoyable read! 

Krampus was directed by Micheal Dougherty, a director and screenwriter who I know best for Trick ‘R Treat, and Urban Legends: Bloody Mary, a film weirdly sandwiched between two huge Marvel movies. It follows a family as they settle in for Christmas, however when the hope of a child dwindles, the pagan deity arrives. 

For this review, I’ll move through the film chronologically! Starting with the opening vignette, which essentially sums up the film's messages and ideas. To start, it focuses closer on the comedy aspect of the film, which is often its main goal! I used to hate horror/comedies, but I think this just came from me watching 2000s movies, which were just mean. While the opening does set up a later argument, it also highlights the contrast between the supposed cheer and happiness of Christmas, and the rampant consumerism and fighting that is dominant. Nobody here is happy, a stark juxtaposition to the music, and festive font. I think it perfectly embodies the problems that summons Krampus!

This film's main family is endearing, the extended family is where things grow annoying, a purposeful act to demonstrate that Christmas joy of spending time with people you secretly can’t stand. I enjoy the main nuclear family, with them all having faults, but never growing overbearing. They feel realistic, they argue, but they still love each other. I was reminded a lot of Home Alone to this end, a film I do not care enough about to bring up in every bonus review so far, but alas. Their bond is the cement of the film, and therefore, I’m glad they are so likeable! This shines through in our protagonist, and catalyst, Max, played by Emjay Anthony, and of course, Toni Collette as Sarah. 

Moving onto the inlaws quickly, none of them stood out to me as enjoyable or fun, unless Omi is counted! Yet, they never grated on me enough to stop enjoying the film, I think an issue I have with a lot of 2000’s horror, and media in general, is to make us want a character to die, they make them entirely insufferable, they make us beg for their death, hoping that this will make it all the more sweet. Yet, all this does is make me hate the film - when all the audience wants is the release of these characters' deaths, there is nothing more to enjoy. Here, it works better, once again, they feel real, annoying sure, but with genuine problems that can be empathised with. Their scenes of terror were enjoyable, however I wanted them to escape this peril, because they feel so human. 

I found the dinner sequence to be the accumulation of this irritable feeling, where the twins are such large bullies, that it makes it difficult to ever return to their sides. Of course, it comes from insecurity, but they are never given a redemption in any way, whereas some other characters are. While I did enjoy the realism again, having a dysfunctional family attempt to force a pleasant evening, wow does it become tough to watch when this poor child is so upset. 

Although mostly a single set film, the following sequence where Beth leaves into the blizzard sets up nicely the concept of how the house is not at all safe, yet the safest place they can be. In a sense, they are already trapped inside a snowglobe, unable to escape from the oncoming creature. 

This leads to our first meeting with Krampus, who is such a fun villain - shown here through silhouettes as he jumps from roof to roof, his presence is instantly felt. He is half goat, half demon, his historical role being to punish bad children. I find his links to Satan, through the use of the goat, so interesting, especially because the dichotomy becomes demon vs magical human. Regardless, the design in the movie is incredibly cool and memorable, blending the more traditional goat design, to incorporate more of Santa’s imagery, such as making him hunched to provide bulk and wearing his garments. Overall, he makes the film as good as it is. He is terrifying and scared me when I saw the poster in 2015, merely the hand was enough to send a shiver down my spine. 

Here, we are also introduced to the first of Krampus’ helpers, all of whom I will cycle through now! Firstly, we see the Jack in a Box, his initial appearance is scary because of what we don’t see as Beth is killed beneath a van. The whole sequence is one of my favourites in the film, honing in on how cold it is, and the isolation that the family are experiencing. However when we later see the creature’s full appearance, he is similarly terrifying for the opposite reasons - his mouth is segmented, fangs raised from its gooey gums. This is my favourite of his helpers, and is somewhat evocative of a creepypasta to me! 

Cycling through them quicker, the dark elves are an enjoyable and scary twist, and work perfectly alongside Krampus, they are instantly recognisable, and their sound design makes them even more enjoyable! I don’t mind the gingerbread people, but they were definitely the least interesting to me - I do enjoy how all of the creatures work with the central christmas theme, but these guys didn’t do much for me! In contrast, both the cherub and bear are more great twists, that make them conventionally creepy - the bear especially reminds me of all the cool horror themed bears you can find online, with huge bloody mouths lined with fangs, which is super cool and I have always wanted one! The scene where they all invade the house later is amazing, and another favourite of mine - likely, this comes from the amped up horror, the blending with Christmas is such an enjoyable aesthetic that the film carries perfectly! 

By now I have moved all over the place, so I will try to steer back on course for the final things I have to discuss! I found the animated sequence to be a delight, giving the appearance of stop-motion (which is by far my favourite medium!). Also, it just feels christmassy, it’s a style I think several adverts have adopted, so maybe this is why! All of this is perfect, from the narration to the animation; especially, I adore the shadows of Krampus! 

From here, we arrive at the aforementioned invasion sequence, forcing the family out of the house as a result of the snow piling inside from the frost - the house feels so central to the film, and I think that it embodies a spirit of Christmas that exists, it is so common that the holiday is symbolised through a warm house, I think that the destruction of it shows the family being torn apart entirely, demonstrating how such an act is far worse than spending a day with annoying inlaws.

Finally, I shall discuss the ending, which is bittersweet, it’s a perfect encapsulation of the film, I think. The perfect, happy moment is suddenly cut short by the audience's realisation that they are trapped within a snow globe. What this means, and shall entertain for the family is difficult to tell, but this only makes it more scary - whether or not this can be deemed a happy ending is similarly unclear, which also adds to the ending, making it so much more interesting! I adore it, and that moment was so fun to watch unfold! 

Krampus feels like such a perfect Christmas movie, I love the way it blends horror and the holiday seamlessly, also done in Trick ‘r Treat, which I undoubtedly prefer, however the films are so very different that it’s difficult to compare them! Once again, this film means more to me having watched it with my boyfriend, however that is to say that whenever I watch it, or think about it, I shall have a happy memory captured, a snowglobe of a lovely time that I can return to eternally. That image alone would be enough to make Krampus content. 

8/10

[galaxyofhair]

Dishonored's Goofy Sense of Morality

I loved the Dishonored series for it's sandbox approach to stealth/infiltration, and I loved it's setting for being incredibly atmospheric and fascinating. Genuinely, it's one of the only steampunk-ish stories that I enjoy, typically steampunk is not my jam at all.

But something that I have never gotten over is how much I hate the way Dishonored's branching story moralizes at you about how you go about revenge in the most hypocritical way possible.

So like, the basic premise is sound, right? If you kill people, you're a bad person and the world becomes a worse place---and if you spare people, the world becomes a better place and you're a better person for it. And this dichotomy is expressed specifically through the rats in the city: The more bodies, the more the rats feed and multiply, the more plague.

That much I don't argue, when it's in a vacuum---but Dishonored doesn't exist in a vacuum, it exists in a world that is filled with a ridiculous number of evil people, as well as its fair share of institutionalized evil.

You can very quickly do the math in Dishonored and come to the point of realizing that A) Many of the people you spare deserve to die, and they are only more dangerous alive, and B) Sometimes the punishment you inflict while sparing their lives is more cruel than just killing them.

The first guy you whack is Overseer Campbell, and when you spare him he gets exiled into the city's underground---and later he shows up as a plague infected half-zombie person. So on the one hand, hooray---fascist religious zealot forced to endure the suffering he inflicted on so many others, but on the other hand---not hooray, now he's actively spreading the plague. How was turning him into a plague zombie less wrathful than just whacking him and burning the body?

The Twins are made mute, and sent to work in their own silver mines in you spare them---which again, is great, love that for them---but how is that fate better than just being dead? How is it spreading the plague less when I'm clearly just tossing folks into very unsanitary working conditions.

Lady Boyle is one of the more dubious ones, because you end up sort of trafficking her to another noble? Again, again---the bourgie getting some poetic justice is great, but I struggle to see how this is necessarily better than death---especially because Corvo is mostly just putting his victims in situations to die by some other means. Campbell will die of plague, the twins will almost certainly be worked to death or die in an accident, and I would bet that being turned into a housewife on a remote island, married off to some creepy lord stands a good chance of driving Lady Boyle to suicide.

If the game just let it go and let me do as I felt was right, I don't think I'd give it a second thought---but that it assigns one method as GOOD and the other as ~bad~ just strikes me as very fake, moralizing horseshit that is only included in the game because Bethesda needed a morality meter to finish out that Xbox 360 checklist they had going.

Not to mention: Many of the underlings in this game are also just, terrible people---and the rampant inequality and institutionalized evil of Dunwall would honestly be just a little less evil if there were fewer fascist pigs running around the streets. If you're discerning, there's definitely a couple guys in there who don't deserve to die, but for the most part they depict nearly all of the guards as---well, realistic, they're puppy-kicking, lying sacks of shit who assist with a coup, and virtually no qualms about murdering the civilian population using giant lightning machines.

So yeah, I don't see the moral benefit to leaving those folks alive when Corvo has the power to end their evil in a more permanent fashion. And I don't think that staying your blade and creating more living plague victims is any better than just killing them and maybe doing everyone the favor of proper disposal.

=====

How would I change that? I don't totally know because I don't know what the technical limitations of the console were: But if if we ignore technical limitations, and go for a pure story experience then I would add this:

The moral of the story is to not become like the people you are fighting against, so give Corvo more opportunities to save bystanders and civilians. Saving civilians helps reduce the risk of infection, and maybe you save one or two folks who is a friggin doctor along the way.

It's not whether or not you kill---it's whether or not you clean up the bodies. If Corvo kills somebody, he should be responsible for disintegrating or burning the body so that it can't become food for the rats.

Sparing evil nobles so that they might suffer worse fates should still be encouraged, eat the rich and all that---but in the case of Campbell there should have been a more obvious acknowledgement that killing him is better than letting him suffer and spread plague.

There should be an overarching theme of asking the player to look up from their small-picture revenge story towards the big-picture plague issue.

And lastly, and optionally, for hardmode lovers: The numbers of rats in the city is directly to how often you use your powers. Every time you use otherworldly power, rats spawn. Teleport is the least harmful, maybe one or two rats, no biggie if you're careful with it---but slowing time, or well... summoning rats obviously creates way more rats.

Why? Because it makes you realize that Corvo's powers are a shortcut, and letting Corvo trip-out on power, and take this shortcut to his revenge is sort of bad because ~that~ is the real indicator of whether or not Corvo is like the people he's revenging against.

If you can become lost in your revenge and forget to think about others, THAT's evil---if you take shortcuts, and don't care about the consequences of those shortcuts, THAT's evil. The difference between a good Corvo and a bad Corvo is the Corvo that remembers to look up, and clean up.

Conclusion:

I think I particularly hate this kind of game-story trying to moralize at you because at a certain point it feels like I am being punished for playing the game: They made this incredible sandbox and then told you that you can't play in it without ruining it for everyone, and that feels sorta shitty. Like, thanks Dishonored 2 for introducing some of the most badass FPS dueling I've ever seen and then telling me I'm a dick for using it because killing bad, trololololol. Thanks Dishonored 1 for making literally everyone else in the game an absolute ghoul, and then telling me I'm the dick when I decide they're better off dead.

There are better ways to asking your player to engage in the world that you created without telling them to not have fun.

[eyesanddragons]

The best way to describe my thoughts on canon wof (based on your reblog about liking the concept of wof)

Arc 1- fine enough, just add or remove minor things, make starflight not just a background character after he becomes blind, also no Sunnyflight crush stuff cause that is weird, give a bit more sympathy/focus to false dragonet’s of Destiny. (Or save that for arc 2 tbh), most changes I’d make are more preferential.

Arc 2- If Darkstalker is made big bad do not have our heroes enchant Darkstalker into a different dragon as the way to defeat him unless it is set up as something Darkstalker is willing to do. Do not treat Darkstalker as born evil (not counting stories Nightwings and icewings have of him cause those make sense) give more rules to animus magic,

Anything else in arc 2 is mostly character stuff with focus more on the war trauma most of the Dragonets have, give more focus to healing from the Pyrite spell and how traumatizing that spell would be.

Arc 3- Queen Wasp is evil full evil dictator. No plant actually controlling her and no scavenger/human plot (none at all, I really hate humans being major characters in wof and not just a weird little cryptic species in the background at most)

No throwing out animus magic because it is very cheap and dumb.

Give more focus to Silkwing resistance and what it does.

No bumblebee or if there is any bumblebee have her appear rarely and be given to the more involved Silkwing Resistance to protect.

I’d argue that involving Pyrrhia would not be necessary to give more time to focus on the state of Pantala.

This arc would probably be the best arc to kill off a main character/POV character/ former POV character. I don’t have any specific ideas because of how much is thrown out. But I think a main character death could be really impactful to show how strong the regime is.

Don’t make the story say “not all hivewings” you can have some nice hivewings if you want but don’t excuse all of them.

A neat subversion could be a belief that all Hivewings are innocent which leads to our main characters (Cricket POV would work best) to getting ‘help’ from some (maybe high ranking) hivewings while they are not mind controlled. Then it is revealed they set a trap and plan to kill/capture the resistance.

So in a nutshell- arc 1 is okay, arc 2 is on thin ice, and arc 3 is dead to me.

(I haven’t read any of the books since dragonslayer and I feel like I dodged a bullet from all the stuff I’ve heard about it)

(It feels weird to see how non canon (past book 12) all my wof work really is, I basically made my own sandbox with the concept and ran away lol)

Arc 1 is definitely the most solid of the three arcs, it has a lot of issue still (like what you've said about the false dragonets and Starflight) I think the way the Rainwings are handled SUCKS so I'd like to change that if I could (I know they were trying a subversion of the "hero finds there long lost people and there powerful" thing but on the flipside they made it so that the stereotypes that Rainwings are lazy and spoiled are actually right and they have to teach this entire kingdom that there lifestyle and culture is wrong and it just rubs me the wrong way, also like, the rainforest is an incredibly dangerous place, oh and also somehow they were lazy for...eating fruit and doing agriculture and not fighting in a war and its like???? and like the Rainwing government had its Issues but the idea that they have to...change a good portion of there culture and lifestyle is just...really off-putting) plus Wings Of Fire's Good Victim/Bad Victim Dichotomy is...still really prevalent in Arc 1 and I'd rather that not be there, I really dislike the way WoF as a whole handles Trauma.

But yeah Arc 1 is the most solid out of the three.

Arc 2 my beloved/beloathed, is weird, cause I really do love a lot of the character writing in Arc 2 specifically, I think it was the best in Arc 2 when it came to characterization, at least for the Jade Winglet (until the last Book RUINED EVERYTHING) but I feel like this Arc just, did not need a big bad at all, the issues the characters were facing were so much more personal it just wasn't necessary, The DoD's main problem was the war, they had smaller, more personal issues but they had the set goal of stopping the war, The Jade Winglet on the other hand don't have that kind of goal, there plotlines are more about dealing with the issues that come from having to fit societal expectations, growing up, trauma, lacking control of your life, being deprived of your choices and just generally things that are more personal, they don't need to stop a big bad, and even then, I personally think there emotional issues were way more interesting than Arc 1's "Stop the War" but that's cause I like character driven stories.

Hard Agree on the Darkstalker stuff, honestly the worst thing about the Darkstalker plotline for me is that, Darkstalker could of worked Thematically, he could of been So Good, but all his elements just mess everything up, if he didn't do genocide they'd you would have an abused child who doesn't want anyone to go through what he did and thus asserts control and takes away people's choices out of a feeling of necessity, that this is the only way to make sure people (including him) will be happy, which makes him parallel The Jade Winglet and has some interesting symbolism, if he was just a genocidal villain who wanted to control the world and wasn't portrayed sympathetically at all (so no abuse plotline and Darkstalker Legends and yadadada) then he could just be a kaiju representing the larger conflict without having any bad implications attatched to him. And him being inherently evil was such a bad move on multiple levels, Turtle in the last book just had to wrestle with the idea that no, he wasn't going to turn evil just because he was an animus dragon, and really the idea that someone is "Inherently" blank is one of the things The Jade Winglet are dealing and coping with, it wouldn't of been so bad if Darkstalker was just a pure evil villain but he's not, so it doesn't work, not to mention the problems with depicting your traumatized character as being inherently evil and always going to do bad thigs even though we know they grew up in a abusive household, framing him as inherently evil, the thing his dad was so insistent he was, is just a bad idea.

And that's not even the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Arc 2! I could talk at length about how I think the way animus dragons are treated is bad, I have talked at length before, because I think the "soul becomes evil" animus magic thing is nonsense and I think Darkstalker's magic soul reader is also complete nonsense, and also goes against the themes of the arc-

God I've rambled a lot and these are very unorganized thoughts but I really wish Arc 2 was better cause there's so many things I like about it which just makes me more angry about how many bad things are in it.

On Arc 3...*aims BIG GUN at all the genocide, colonialist, and slavery apologism and fires 100000 bullets*

Arc 3 is dead to me, I hate it so much.

Sorry this is a bit rambly I have a lot of feelings about this series.

[iamnotparticularlyproud]

PPB Square: Kink Discovery | @peterparkerbingo

word count: 2.7k rating: mature warnings: none ao3 link: https://bit.ly/3xpiBdx

Summary: Bucky and Peter have been together for a while, but Peter can’t bring himself to talk to his boyfriend about how their sex life is a bit - uh, well, boring. Instead, Peter searches Bucky’s laptop while he isn’t home for any sign of kink whatsoever. To say it doesn’t go as he planned would be an understatement.

Bucky’s amazing. So, so amazing, and Peter could go on about it for days - about his silly nicknames, the way he makes the Brooklyn drawl sound adorable, his unexpected dorkiness and razor sharp wit, how his hands are so calloused but he holds Peter so softly--

Days, Peter could come up with these for days. 

So, it’s not like there’s anything he wishes he could change about their relationship. It’s - they’re - perfect, everything’s been perfect. Bucky’s just so nice, and after Beck, Peter wasn’t sure he’d ever be in a relationship again, let alone one so - so good. So healthy, and so supportive. 

It’s just--

Their sex is so vanilla. Painfully vanilla. The most unconventional Bucky gets is with his dirty talk, and, yeah, Peter loves how his boyfriend will call him his sweet lil boy, and tell Peter how good he takes a thick cock in his tight ass, but that's about as far as Bucky ever goes. 

And that - that isn’t a bad thing, Peter knows that, it’s just. Boring, sometimes, is all.

Peter wishes he could talk to Bucky about it, because the man always stresses communication and talking problems out, but it’s just so embarrassing. Peter’s just thinking about it and he’s flushed, so how could he say the word kink out loud? 

He can’t. He really, really can’t.

So Peter does the only other thing he can think to do.

He steals Bucky’s laptop and rummages for any signs of kink - anything to suggest his boyfriend isn’t as vanilla as it seems. Peter knows he doesn’t have long - Bucky’s out getting takeout from their favorite Thai place, and it isn’t too far - so he doesn’t waste time as he searches all the keywords he can think of in Bucky’s unorganized folders, his internet history that’s never been cleared, the hard drive Peter got him because he complained about memory but Peter was 99% sure he never touched - he was right - and then tries his luck with the recycle bin, but--

There’s not just no sign of kink.

There’s nothing. There’s no porn at all.

Peter’s mind is blown. He hadn’t even considered that he wouldn’t find porn, he thought that everyone watched porn - and unless Bucky knew how to delete specific pages from his browser history, which Peter heavily doubts, because, c'mon - but apparently, Bucky doesn’t.

He considers that, maybe, since Bucky is nearly a decade older than him, he consumes his porn in a different way. Maybe physical movies or, godforbid, magazines.

Peter’s considering looking through Bucky’s drawers and closets until he finds proof of pornography consumption, but then someone’s clearing their throat behind him.

“Jesus, how do you--” Peter exclaims, because it’s nowhere near the first time this six foot hunk of a man has snuck up on him. Then, he glances at the clunky computer in his lap that is obviously not his, and back at Bucky, who’s looking at the laptop, and then at Peter.

“What’re you doin’ with my computer?”

Peter panics, not because Bucky seems upset, because he doesn’t, just - confused, but it’s such a weird thing to be doing, and he can’t lie at all, and this isn’t--

“Does that say porn?” Bucky asks, suddenly leaning over Peter’s shoulder, and he just sounds amused, but Peter goes on the defensive anyway.

“I-It’s just, you never, and I - this isn’t me wanting you to change, or--”

Bucky moves quickly when Peter starts that familiar stress-ramble; he circles around the couch, puts the plastic bag filled with food down on the coffee table and sits next to him, wrapping an arm around his back and shushing him kindly.

“Slow down, doll.” Bucky smiles, sincerity etched in his crow’s feet, “Can’t understand you when you’re talkin’ too fast, remember?”

Peter stops. He nods, then he takes a breath. When he lets it go, Bucky tells him to take a deeper one, so he does, and as he breathes it out, he feels the alarm fade.

Not completely, though. Not with the evidence of his snooping in his lap.

With a glance back at where porn is still typed out in the recycle bin’s search bar and a chuckle, Bucky asks, almost laughing, “What were you doin’, sweetheart?” 

Peter doesn’t expect it, but the fight drains from his body. It’s him accepting his fate, he realizes belatedly.

“I, uh,” Peter pauses, because it’s still so difficult to say the words, “was looking for porn.”

Bucky laughs for real this time, and Peter closes his eyes with a sigh. That wasn’t what he meant to say, at all.

“No - I was looking for y-your porn, like, what you watch,” Peter explains, and Bucky is still laughing, but he waves a hand.

“Yeah, I got that.” He says, making an effort to curb his laughter, “Why, though?”

Peter bites his lip. "Do you watch porn?”

He was scared that meeting Bucky’s question with a question would frustrate the man, but he only looks more amused.

“Why would I?”

Huh?

“What?”

“Why would I watch porn?” Bucky sounds genuinely confused, “We have sex almost everyday.”

Almost, Peter nearly stresses, but catches himself. Obviously, he’s dramatically misread the situation. 

“Y-Yeah, but,” Peter tries to come up with something, anything, “like, maybe, before we dated?”

“I know it’s kinda old, but I got the thing not too long before we met, actually.”

That bit of information also sends Peter reeling, and he almost argues about it - because the laptop isn’t 'kinda old,' it’s ancient - but Bucky speaks before he does.

“Were you lookin’ for the kinda porn I’m into?”

Peter nearly sags with relief. How does he always manage to get it before Peter has to explain? 

“Yeah.”

Bucky’s smile shifts, and it’s - he likes that, Peter notices, and, it’s - it's sexual.

“What, did you wanna tease me?” Bucky licks his lips, “Rile me up?”

Oh. That works, and it’s pretty true, even. Peter can work with that.

He nods. Bucky continues, and he looks so pleased.

“It’s you, sugar,” Bucky brings his hand to Peter’s cheek, and his hold is so gentle, but the calluses are rough, and it’s such a satisfying dichotomy that Peter can’t help but lean into it, “You get me wild.”

If only. Peter’s never seen him be wild. 

But he couldn’t say that. Not when Bucky sounds like he absolutely means it, and it makes Peter’s heart flutter.

Peter has been a bit weird lately. 

Well, Peter is always a bit weird, but it’s a part of his charm. He’s been acting extra weird lately, Bucky’s noticed, and while it’s just as endearing, it’s confusing, too.

He almost calls Peter out on it after he’s found him searching for porn on his computer - more than he had already, anyway - but he just gets so tense when Bucky tries to make him really talk about something. He doesn’t want to bring up that energy - not so late, anyway. 

So Bucky plans to talk to him about it tomorrow.

And Peter thwarts that plan as soon as they wake up. Usually, he’s eager to spend the last day of their shared weekend off together, but before they’ve even had their coffee, Peter’s rushing out the door with the excuse of meeting up with his college friends at a cafe. Not too long later he texted they were going to do an impromptu study group for an upcoming quiz, then, after five hours, texted him they were going to hang out more.  

Bucky tries not to be suspicious of or retaliatory to Peter even more than he’s learned to be with his partners, because the kid’s not had a great track record with boyfriends, to say the least, but this is ridiculous. When he’s been gone for a whole seven hours, under the guise of shoddy excuses, Bucky decides his curiosity needs to be sated more than Peter needs to be coddled, and his new plan is to snoop into Peter’s computer like the kid tried with him. Obviously, if he assumed Bucky would have porn on his laptop, Peter’s got some on his. 

Bucky doesn’t plan to look until Peter texts that he’s on his way home, though. He thinks it’ll be funny if the kid finds himself where Bucky stood last night.

So, after Peter texted that he’s omw, Bucky pulls out his computer. It’s so sleek, thin and light, yet wide, and he hates using it, but he’s dying to know. How much porn could Peter possibly watch, considering how much they have sex, and how busy he’s kept as a student and part-time employee?

Not very much, Bucky assumes.

And holy fuck is he wrong.

He takes a wild guess and searches porn in the convenient - but too bulky, and ugly - search engine in the toolbar, and a stupidly obviously labeled folder, not porn don’t look, comes right up. There’s several subfolders - distinguishing the videos by kink, dear God - and dozens of videos in most of them, over a hundred in a few.

What the fuck.

Bucky’s surprised - Jesus Christ, so surprised - at so many things, but - where the fuck does Peter find the time to watch so much porn? What does it mean that he’s amassed such a collection? How has Bucky never walked in on him watching it? Is there a way to see how many hours of it there are, because it’s a stupidly high amount, definitely--

Bucky takes a breath. He leans back, too, because the little previews are too much to look at, and he takes a moment to appreciate just how understandable it was that Peter was so confused yesterday. It must be unthinkable, to not watch porn, to him. But - Peter’s never even mentioned porn before, not in the half-a-year they’ve been dating, so what was so different about yesterday?

The question has Bucky sitting back up, ready to delve deeper. He starts by reading the names of the folders closer, finding it’s not just organized by kink, but by his favorite pornstars, too. The kid’s got several, all with typical pornstar names, and according to the previews, he’s got a type for big and buff. Checks out.

With another deep, grounding breath, Bucky clicks on the folder name Ultimate Favorites. It’s only got thirteen videos in it, but all the titles are a fuckin’ doozy. It’s shit like Small Twink Fucked Hard, and Daddy Pounds His Boy Until He Cries, and - Jesus fuck - Dom Verbally Abuses Sub While Anally Abusing Him. 

Bucky’s nauseous just reading that last one. He never would’ve guessed Peter was into such rough sex. Not just because the kid gets all wide-eyed and stuttery whenever sex is even mentioned, but because Peter’s just so - soft. In all the ways a person can be, really.

Bucky doesn’t know how to reconcile what he knows Peter to be like with this new information about him. He distantly knows that he doesn’t have to - that Peter’s kinks don't reflect anything about his personality, and acting like they do is only reductive - but the instinct is so strong, he can’t help but fruitlessly try.

Before he can reconsider, Bucky’s clicking on one of the more mildly titled videos - not that any of them are mild at all - just to understand better what Peter’s so into. 

The video loads almost immediately, and it doesn’t waste time with any kind of introduction - there’s suddenly two men on the screen, their size difference resembling Bucky and Peter’s to a ridiculous degree, and the larger one pushes the smaller onto a bed carelessly before climbing on top of him. It’s a bunch of shoving and aggressive groping along with cruel words and name calling, and Bucky’s never been more turned off in his life. He can’t believe this porno is among Peter’s favorites - his boyfriend’s never once let on that this is the kind of sex he’s into.

While he’s staring, Bucky’s on screen lookalike finally quitting with the rough teasing and moving onto the brutal fucking, he hears Peter enter his apartment. Bucky doesn’t mute the video, and Peter’s light footsteps stop immediately. Bucky can just see the look on his face - that caught-in-the-headlights one that makes Peter look more like a deer than Bucky thought a person could - and he stifles a laugh as the steps pick back up, this time much more hesitant. When Peter’s a good foot into the living room, Bucky turns around, acting as if he hadn’t heard him coming in.

With the computer filling the room with sounds of slapping and exaggerated moans, Bucky greets, struggling to keep a smirk off his face,  “Hi, honey. How was your day?”

Peter doesn’t answer him and - yep, there’s that look. Instead, he gapes like a fish at where his computer is steadied on Bucky’s lap, eyes wide and frantic.

“Why’d you never mention this, doll?” Bucky asks, dropping the act as Peter keeps looking like disaster is seconds away. He pauses the video and sets the laptop to the side, motioning for Peter to join him on the couch.

Peter does join him, albeit uncertain and his eyes still trained on the graphic image on the computer screen. He’s quiet as he sits as far as he can from Bucky.

“I--” Peter starts, gaze transfixed on the laptop. “Can you - close that?”

Bucky does. Peter keeps looking at it.

“You okay?” Bucky asks, chuckling.

Peter finally looks at him. He seems scared, Bucky realizes. He closes a bit of the distance between them, leaving some incase Peter feels suffocated, and puts a hand on the back of his neck, a touch Peter always leans into.

He does this time, too. He relaxes some, and Bucky prompts, “Were you scared to tell me?”

Peter relaxes even more, his shoulders falling. He nods. “I know you probably don’t care--”

Bucky interrupts to confirm with a nod of his own, “I don’t.”

“But it’s just--” Peter huffs, eyebrows furrowing, “Embarrassing.”

Bucky nods more. “It doesn’t change how I think about you.” He reassures Peter, “At all.”

“That's good.” Peter breathes, and Bucky can’t help but laugh softly. “I was starting to think it would gross you out.”

It kinda does, but Bucky doesn’t say that. It isn’t important how the porn he’s into makes Bucky feel. 

“No, baby. It doesn’t.”

Peter leans into his side, and Bucky shifts to embrace him. Silence attempts to settle around them, but Bucky can’t help his need to tease.

“So… where’d you find the time to make such a collection?” 

Peter cringes. “I, uh, started it years ago.”

Bucky raises his eyebrows. He doesn’t know why he didn’t assume that - it’s a seriously massive collection - but thinking of how far back years suggests, and how Peter is just twenty-two, he can’t help but ask for clarification.

“How many years you talkin’?”

“Uhh…” Peter trails off, seeming to really think about it. Bucky can see the moment he finds the answer, and his expression closes.  “...several.”

Bucky decides to wager a guess. He doesn’t really know why he wants to know this answer, but he thinks it might help him understand just how into kink Peter is.

“Sixteen?”

Peter whines. “Jamie.”

Bucky’s eyes widen. “Fifteen?”

Peter pulls away a bit to cover his face with his hands, and he whines unintelligibly this time.

“Christ, it wasn’t younger than thirteen, was it?”

Peter shakes his head. “N-No, I--” His words are muffled by his palms,  “I was fourteen.”

Bucky breathes a sigh of relief. Peter can’t lie for shit, so Bucky can tell he isn’t just appeasing him. 

Then it hits him just how long Peter’s been fantasizing about this kind of sex.

“You’re really into this stuff, huh?”

Peter burrows further into his hands. Bucky rubs his back, and considers his next words carefully.

“If you want, we could explore some of the tamer stuff you have in there.” 

Peter drops his hands from his face and he looks excited for all of two seconds. Then, his expression falls. “None of it’s… tame. I mean, I guess--” Peter cuts himself off to cough, wincing as he tries to get the words out, “uh, im-impact play isn’t, you know, hardcore, I guess.”

“Spanking and stuff?”

“...and stuff.” Peter says with a flush. 

“We’ll start with spanking,” Bucky laughs, adding just in case, “if you want to.”

But it wasn’t necessary, because Peter brightens immediately. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.” 

Peter smiles wide, and Bucky can’t help but return it with one of his own.

[trulycertain]

I love that in the show, they kept the comics thing of how much Matt buttons himself up around others. Comics Matt has relaxed a lot over the years and accepted that he is occasionally allowed to have fun outside the DD suit, but show Matt is newer to this.

For instance, while I guess it could be overdone, I really like the difference in how Cox portrays Matt tracking movement and sound - The Headtilt(TM) - when he’s in the suit vs out of it. He’s much, much more obvious about it when he’s in the mask. And I suppose it’s partly because he rarely has to focus his senses quite as much in his civilian persona, but it’s also significant that the few times he needs to listen closely and track someone as Matt Murdock, he makes excuses to be alone or disappear into a crowd or wear hoodies or scramble up to rooftops, so he won’t have to focus on keeping up appearances. He’s much less restrained about it when he’s in the suit, and it’s a much more visible process to others - but he’ll also pull it back in when he’s intimidating or reassuring people. I kind of hate the fact he has to keep such an important part of himself tucked away, but it’s also very in-character. And it’s just a nice little piece of attention to detail in the performance. I like how consistent it is.

And then there’s Matt’s shades being another mask motif, which I grew up reading in the comics and will always feel like, “yup, that’s my guy” characterisation to me. Sure, he likes them and knows he carries them off well (red lenses are a statement, and he’s clearly chosen to stick with them, which makes me happy), but the shades are mainly something Matt does to be around other people. As with a lot of real-world visually-impaired and NLP people, he probably got fed up of people being weird about a lack of eye contact, and whenever there's a scene where he's at his most relaxed or emotionally honest, he's usually out of them. They're a very solid, "Right, back to business" boundary for him. (In Mark Waid’s run in the comics, the only time I can think of when Matt went round without them in public, it was because he’d consciously decided to tell the world he was Daredevil, and was trying to make a point of being open and telling his villains, “Come at me.” And it did end up being too much stress, after a while. It was another persona he was putting on, something very out-there for him.)

There's one sort of sweet-but-sad, to my mind, scene where Matt's running over case precedent with Foggy and they're knackered and about to order takeout, and pretty much the minute Karen, who's a new hire they like but don't know well yet, comes in, Matt's sliding the glasses back on and changing his body language. It's just such a blatant example of "friends for ten years" easy intimacy vs. "not quite there yet," and Deborah Ann Woll's acting is lovely; you can tell Karen picks up on it and her brightness dulls a bit, but she's just glad to have friends at all. Heck, before that, there's the scene where she meets them the first time and Matt tells her to come back to his if she's afraid of sleeping at her apartment, he can take the couch and he'll look after her. And it's blatant. She asks him if he's always been blind, and in order to try and get her to level with them and make a connection, he lets her see his eyes and talks about his trauma - and then, "Now, can I ask you a question?" right back on.

He even dials down his humour and his anger - always, always his anger - round others, and plays mild-mannered. He may be dry, professional and thoughtful, but he isn’t mild. As mentioned, it’s interesting seeing how he is around Karen at the start of s1 vs at the end. And the guy who sort of raises an eyebrow but says nothing when a detective threatens to “beat the shit out of him”, or gently deflects with jokes about Foggy playing baseball when asked about the Devil, is not the same guy who attacks punching bags like they’ve hurt him personally and crosses a room in five flips instead of ten steps for the fun of it. Except he kind of really is. That dichotomy is part of why I’m so fond of him.

But while this can be useful, it has its costs. Aside from the casual ableism and dismissal he has to put up with on the regular, it also affects people closer to him. There’s basically everything with Karen in s2, but even earlier than that... When Matt beats down Fisk and talks about loving Hell’s Kitchen and what it deserves, he mentions “my family.” And sure, you can argue he means the people of the Kitchen, and/or Jack, those interpretations are both legit - but an episode or two before, Karen was hugging him and telling him, “You’re not alone. You’ve never been alone” and he and Foggy were agreeing to move forward. You’ve been shown him with his immediate family. (Heck, even Karen uses the words “my family” about Nelson & Murdock.) And he does that in the suit, so it’s a beautiful moment - but it also means that Karen and Foggy don’t see just how much he returns the sentiment. I’m going to assume they know, though. He does express it as himself, in those moments where he gets out of his own way and he’s truly stopped pretending he's someone else. And as this is Matt, those moments are rare gems.

[rantingcrocodile]

Nobody accepts homosexuality as it's own sexuality.

Conservatives either say gay people are faking it for attention, are just doing it to upset god, and/or homosexuality isn't natural. They say it's pedophilia, or perverted, or has to do with some kind of fetish.

Liberals say that gay people exist, as in teenagers with dyed hair who use xe/xer pronouns exist, but don't think actual homosexuality should be respected. They think gay people should date someone of the opposite sex and don't respect homosexuality at all for what it is.

Bisexuality isn't accepted either and is altered and argued over by both conservatives and liberals, but this also applies to homosexuality. We have absolutely no privilege over bisexual people.

The only sexuality accepted and recognized in most of society is heterosexuality. Even liberals will say hoe much they hate it, but clearly shoe they like it since they don't criticise straight people in the way they do to gay and bi people for being transphobic or qu*erhobic or whatever.

Listen. Listen to us. Please. Just listen.

"Listen. Listen to us. Please. Just listen."

That sentence is incredibly ironic to me.

Nobody is arguing that homophobia doesn't exist. Nobody is arguing that homosexuals oppress bisexuals. Everybody who has any experience in the world and isn't in the deepest of denial knows that heterosexuals are the oppressors and want everyone to be heterosexual like them.

I know you actually won't read this and take it at face value, because whenever a bisexual speaks about anything sexuality-related and biphobia-related you think that there are secret, hidden messages because we naturally can't be trusted and only your worst-faith interpretations matter, but I'll make this crystal clear anyway.

Homophobia is a recognised term.

In spaces that discuss oppression, the dichotomy is between oppressor heterosexuals and oppressed homosexuals.

In historical findings where an individual has expressed same-sex desire and/or romantic love, they're erased as straight people talking about intense friendships or closeted lesbians/gay men.

In LGB spaces, any discussion of opposite-sex romance or relationships is hated and seen as straight that needs to be silenced, where any discussion of same-sex romance or relationships are "the point" of those spaces.

In feminist spaces, opposite-sex relations are "straight" and anti-feminist, where same-sex relations are lesbian/"lesbian-lite" and feminist.

You can dance in circles all day long and claim that I've made arguments that I've never made, or claim that I'm saying things that I'm clearly not saying, but everyone knows that the distinction that is allowed to exist is heterosexual vs homosexual, one on one side, the other on the other side.

Bisexuals? Erased from history. Erased from our equal fight in gay rights. Presumed confused until we "pick a side." Accused of being "straight oppressors" with "straight privilege," or conditionally accepted as "gay-lite" as long as we cater to homosexual experiences and terms - the latter on your decision, not ours. Forced into one box or the other. Only meaningful depending on partner. Traitors to "both sides." Pit against each other like there are "straight bisexuals" and "gay bisexuals," where the "gay bisexuals" are the only ones that conditionally matter, as long as they're still silent, too.

We all know that bisexuals do not fit into the idea of oppression because both heterosexuals and homosexuals do not understand what it means to be bisexual, where it's treated as a hypersexual personality disorder until the bisexual "picks a side" and shuts up forever.

That is what it means to not have your sexuality understood as a legitimate sexuality.

The system has been set where heterosexuals have the privilege. They are the ones in control. When there is understanding of oppression (even if those specific terms aren't used), society's response is straight on one side, gay on the other, and bisexuals aren't real, merely straight people wanting attention or gay people in denial.

So don't come to me with a beg of "listen to us, please," when you're surrounded in specific space where you're catered to, but bisexuals still don't get any understanding of what our sexuality even is, when absolutely no one listens, and the majority of bisexuals swallow the belief that our sexuality isn't real, where we're nothing but objects that are "straight" or "lesbian-lite" depending on partner or examined, quantified desire or "what's acceptable to sexuality-as-behaviour-moralising feminism."

You know exactly what I mean and you know that's what I mean, but any excuse to fake-beg so no one critically thinks and sees the world the way it really is if that benefits bisexuals, right?

[caffernnn]

One last thought before free final stroke releases. Everyone has said that if Haru has to choose between his bonds and a race or “swimming on a larger scale” he would choose his bonds and I think that too, but what if he doesn’t? 🤔 I would hate for KA to do that, but I can’t help thinking about it. Would love to hear you thoughts about it if you have any.

Buckle up, buttercup! I have perhaps too many thoughts on this one 😅

Okay so here’s the thing: I’ve definitely been sipping on the free!verse “friendship is magic and those special bonds can conquer anything” juice, but I can see Haru or one of the other main pro swimmers we’ll be following (Rin, Ikuya, etc) putting swimming first… at least in the first movie. Out of everyone to take on that possible arc, it feels like Haru is the main one left to isolate, break, and have to be reminded of who he swims for.

(This one got lengthy; read more under the cut) 🏊✨

This is a pattern in Free! that has been explored over and over. Haru has a teammate, rival, or friend that gets so lost in their own head that they refuse to let anyone reach them and try to put swimming and solitude first. Then, Haru and company step in with a race, a relay, pool time in general to show them that they’re so much stronger when they realize they’re not alone. They hug it out, the audience cries; rinse, repeat.

From the promos, it sets the stage for a specific emphasis on these six. Going through the characters like a checklist for this Free!verse rite of passage, it feels clear who is most likely going to be the next one to take on the cycle.

(Note: I’m going to refer to the pattern described earlier as “the cycle” moving forward)

Painting it with a broad stroke, most of the characters on this list have taken their respective turns moving through the cycle.

- (Season One) Rin is, like, the king of this lesson. The whole first season was more or less dedicated to showing how he got so fixated on being a viable competitor that he forgot one of the main things that drew both him and his dad towards swimming in the first place: communicating and connecting with people in the water. That’s something Rin knows not to take for granted, and that’s shown through his immense character growth since season one. I think I stated in a past FS theory post how I’m curious about how Rin will handle the pressures and demands of finally reaching the world stage. With that said, he’s also not the main one I’m worried about taking on the main cycle.

- (Season Two) Sousuke paid his dues when he wrecked his shoulder overworking himself. He put success above everything to his own detriment, and he’s lucky that ignoring his own hurt while embracing his Samezuka team didn’t cause irreparable damage. We should watch him closely while he prepares to make his return to swimming because he’s at risk of overextending himself, but he’s had a good amount of time to sit with the firsthand consequences of trying to “do it all on his own,” so he’s not the one I’m primarily worried about.

- (Season Three) Ikuya’s whole journey in DttF was about him coming into his own and realizing his worth. The Iwatobi guys play a big part in this, their efforts in reconciliation starting to help him break out of his stubbornness and inferiority complex. He’s learning by the end of the season how to open up again (and actually appreciate Hiyori, but that’s another conversation) and see himself as an equal counterpart to the people he’s put on pedestals (Haru, Natsuya). His growth is still new, and I’d argue he’s the one who most recently completed his trek through the cycle. I’m sure he’ll inevitably have his own hardships highlighted in the movie, but he’s still riding off the high of freshly finding his inspiration/motivation again that I don’t see his narrative being the focal point.

- (High Speed/Starting Days) Makoto had his own primary trek through the cycle way back in junior high. This is probably one of the points where the dichotomy of the proposed choice (swimming vs. bonds) is most explicitly highlighted. Nao’s question of “do you enjoy swimming or are you here for Haru” is one of the earliest instances where the idea of choosing between success and relationships is explored. Makoto distances himself so much because the question feels loaded and leading - Is it a bad thing to swim because his friend is there? Shouldn’t he want to “grow up” and have merit-driven goals? Even if he doesn’t want to, would he be okay letting Haru go in the pursuit of maturing? Is that really a choice he has to make? Makoto’s eventual conclusion that he loves both swimming and Haru, that both are intertwined into driving him forward, sets the stage for the rest of the series, honestly. I can’t deny the foreshadowing putting Makoto in a potential position of influence in FS, but it’s because of how tied he is to the pro swimmers that’ll inevitably take narrative priority.

- Asahi is a wild card in this framework, but still fits in as a guiding light and a possible outside perspective that could be vital in the story (if he doesn’t get overlooked). He’s someone who hasn’t necessarily been put through the cycle, but he’s a good example of someone who’s a shining light, rowdy and driven and arguably secure in his determination that he’ll make the most out any opportunity by finding his place on any team and taking on the world at his own pace. I’d love to see a side story exploring Asahi’s journey in more detail, because he’s such a unique position as someone who worked on channeling his own self-esteem early on and built new teams every time he had to move. Just from how they’re likely to prioritize characters, especially now that we’re in the endgame, I wouldn’t put my money on Asahi taking center stage.

And then there’s Haru. The unwilling protagonist. The one who played a part in everyone else’s turns through the cycle, his status as a teammate/rival/prodigy/friend launching them into the pitfalls before inspiring them to come back towards the light. He’s grown throughout every season bolstered by the question of why he swims, but I’d argue that now is his time to face the cycle head-on. This is when the idea of improving his times, of winning, hold more value to him than they ever have before. That’s why I think when Ryuuji and other competitors (Kaede, Albert) start telling him that he has to make a choice between loneliness and mediocrity, pushing him towards the path of isolation, it’s going to hit hard. His declaration to have everything he wants, to hold his friends close while taking on the world, is going to be seriously put to the test.

That’s what makes the most sense to me at this point. The story started with Haru, and now it ends with Haru. Will he have to make an unthinkable choice and have to sacrifice one of the vital parts of his dreams? Will he find a way to prove everyone wrong and have it all? I’m excited to find out.

[ineffable-endearments]

I think my favorite dichotomy - among candidates for the “real” dichotomies in Good Omens, considering “good” and “evil” are absolutely established as Just Names For Sides - is selfish vs. selfless.

Selfishness - prioritizing your own interests over the interests of others. Selflessness - prioritizing others’ interests over your own.

It’s a really good dichotomy for Good Omens because it involves two concepts that are supposed to exist in opposition, but can’t exist without each other. Both are essential to human nature; you won’t get very far if you can never prioritize yourself, but if you always ONLY prioritize yourself, you’re probably going to get screwed eventually because people will hate your guts (you’ll sow the seeds of your own destruction). And both are often assigned moral values (selfish=bad, selfless=good) when in reality, both are capable of fueling things that can help or harm humanity at large.

I think Crowley represents selfishness and Aziraphale selflessness. Now before you completely roast me for saying that, remember I’m using these terms with the intention of demonstrating that their usual moral connotations can be turned on their heads. Yes, selfishness is disproportionate consideration for one’s own interests over those of others, but consider that Terry Pratchett quote:

“Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine!”

Meanwhile, selflessness is disproportionate consideration for other people’s interests over one’s own, but consider how that can limit people’s ability to make their own judgments and leads to things like groupthink.

These bring us to another interesting point, which is that carried to their logical extremes, these two concepts sometimes start to look and act identical to each other, much like a certain angel and demon who’ve made a long-standing arrangement to help do each other’s jobs. If Crowley is saving the world because he personally loves it rather than because he feels a moral obligation to serve others, does that really matter? Conversely, if Aziraphale refused to choose his own individual feelings for Earth over Heaven’s massive collective will to start Armageddon, would that be a good thing?

At the bandstand, I think we see selfishness and selflessness try to reject each other, with disastrous results. Aziraphale essentially wants Crowley to assimilate with the Heavenly collective, giving up everything that has made Crowley the individual he is now. Meanwhile, Crowley suggests giving up on the collective entirely and choosing to get away alive with the one thing that matters most to him. I’ve argued and will continue to argue that Aziraphale’s rejection of Crowley in this scene is also a rejection of himself; he wants to tell Crowley what’s going on for real, but that would be dangerous. Maybe a part of him even wants to go with Crowley, but that would be dangerous and also it would profoundly offend his guardian sensibilities.

Note that while I’d say Crowley and Aziraphale represent selfishness and selflessness, that’s just them as symbols. As characters, they embody not only static ideas but a place in a living, breathing story, which makes them profoundly complex. In many ways, their stories as individuals are about them embracing the inherent circuitousness of the things they symbolize (Crowley discovering that his existence as an individual is interconnected with the world and Aziraphale; Aziraphale discovering the importance of asserting one’s own judgments and preferences even when it’s unpopular with the powers that be). And, of course, their story as a duo is about learning to not only accept but embrace and enjoy each other’s symbols and their interdependence.

Aziraphale’s admiration for Crowley’s “deep down, just a little bit a good person” is not him saying he’s glad Crowley secretly conforms to Heavenly standards (Crowley doesn’t). He’s expressing happiness that Crowley has reached out and helped the world, that even if he isn’t answering to some Heavenly higher-up, he cares. And Crowley’s “just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing” is him admiring Aziraphale for asserting his own interests and judgments, for daring to be selfish enough to develop his own identity and choose his world over Heaven. (Spoiler: the core motivation for both, for the little good and the just enough bastard, was love.)

I dunno. Maybe it’s impossible to get past the extreme negative connotations people assign to the word “selfish” and the extreme positive connotations people assign to the word “selfless.” But it works so well, as a dichotomy that is essential to human nature and often, but not always necessarily, moralized.

[fresh-prince-of-denmark]

Literary References in The Sun: The Marriage of Heaven and Hell (Pt 3)

CYBERPUNK ENDING SPOILERS AHEAD

If you haven’t read my other two literary analysis pieces please read the analysis of V’s Mikoshi poem here and Johnny’s Mikoshi poem here! This one is a real doosey though. In fact, I think it might even allude to either future DLC or imply the reason V decides to got to the Crystal Palace in the end.

As I play through all the endings, I’ve been on the lookout for all pieces of literature scattered around the world. I found this one downstairs in V’s apartment after (Don’t Fear) the Reaper (hardest level in a video game in my humble opinion, yikes), but I assume it’s the same in any iteration of The Sun’s ending. It comes from the first chapter in The Marriage Between Heaven and Hell called The Argument. If you’ve read my thoughts on V’s poem, this should set off some alarm bells (remember the line “like a tedious argument?).

A bit of a background on out author, William Blake, should also set off some alarm bells. TRUST ME, this is important! I straight up lost my mind when I saw this. William Blake was, as Johnny would say, a true rebel. He challenged a lot of the ideas of organized religion through his art and poetry, such as the simple idea that good people go to heaven and bad people go to hell. Who’s ideas was he responding to exactly? Swedenborg’s. Emmanuel Swedenborg. AKA our mysterious crank philosopher in the side quest Happy Trails, who Johnny complains and disagrees with throughout the entire quest. Blake disagreed that the line between good and evil is clear, and that as humans we can be both good and evil. This really strikes me as such a Johnny poem to pick. After all, Johnny’s an asshole. But his reasoning for his art, his belief system, was noble. Even if he is a dick. Let’s move on to the poem:

Rintrah roars and shakes his fires in the burdened air;

Hungry clouds swag on the deep.

Once meek, and in a perilous path,

The just man kept his course along

The vale of death.

Roses are planted where thorns grow,

And on the barren heath

Sing the honey bees.

Then the perilous path was planted:

And a river and a spring

On every cliff and tomb;

And on the bleached bones

Red clay brought forth.

Till the villain left the paths of ease,

To walk in perilous paths, and drive

The just man into barren climes.

Now the sneaking serpent walks

In mild humility,

And the just man rages in the wilds

Where lions roam.

Rintrah roars and shakes his fires in the burdened air;

Hungry clouds swag on the deep.

So what’s this all about? Rintrah is our main character, meant to personify the righteous anger of a true prophet, walking toward “the vale of death,”  a seemingly more painful yet beautiful path to walk. Opposed to him is the “villain”, someone who leaves “the path of ease,” to walk a more difficult path to join our protagonist to “rage in the wilds.” This poem colludes with the passage: 

“Without contraries is no progression. Attraction and repulsion, reason and energy, love and hate, are necessary to human existence.

From these contraries spring what the religious call Good and Evil. Good is the passive that obeys reason; Evil is the active springing from Energy. Good is heaven. Evil is hell.”

What is this saying? We all have both good and evil within us, and that’s actually a positive thing. One cannot progress without these contradictions. Being good means to passively obey, while being evil means being active with energy.

Without going too far into the book (we’d be here all day, it’s so long and hard to read. Blake is super interesting but such a blowhard), there’s some other ideas that are interesting in contrast with the story of Cyberpunk. Blake asserts several new ideas in his next chapter, The Voice of the Devil. In this section, the speaker calls the Bible out on contradictory statements; such as the idea that the body and soul are separate, and that The Energy called Evil comes from the body, while The Reason called Good comes from the Soul. Blake argues that the body and soul are one; Energy (Evil) are life, and Reason (good) are what surrounds it. Real complicated way to say that good and evil are no so easily defined. Blake praises Milton’s Paradise Lost in for showing that resisting temptation does not make one strong, and that by giving into desire Milton’s hero is righteous. Who is the hero of Paradise Lost you may ask? Satan. Hmmmm...

The next sections promote the idea of giving into temptation; standing for creativity, art, and fighting against repression. He describes giants who formed the earth, the Prolific (who stand for art, and temptation) and the Devouring (the meek, oppressed and obedient). They are at constant war with one another. This comes right back to our “tedious argument” in V’s poem: the little people, like V, are the Devouring. They don’t have time to disobey, to rise up against oppression. Conformity, whether it’s doing sketchy jobs for fixers or working for Arakaka, is rewarded with survival, often at the cost of one’s soul. It is the easy, the meek, path. Johnny hopes to stand for the Prolific, questioning the status quo, walking the rebel path, using art to “shake the world awake.” Johnny also represents this in the way he gives into temptation, whether that be drugs or his impulsiveness in general. Another interesting thing this brings up is the whole Heaven/Hell/Life/Mikoshi dichotomy. V questions if Mikoshi is “the light of heaven, or the fire of hell.” This loops back to Johnny’s poem again: what is immortality? What does it mean to be alive? According to Blake, the line between heaven and hell aren’t so black and white either, and in fact hell might not be so bad. Why would the Devil punish the true rebels? So which of V’s paths truly chooses life? To walk toward the unknown, or to live in a withering body, one that will one day decay, sooner or later, whether V or Johnny returns to it. Huh. Maybe the Blackwall isn’t so bad. And much like Blake, Johnny doesn’t seem to afraid of Blackwall/Hell. Scared to push V toward the unknown, sure. But at least appearing unafraid, since much like Blake, he’s already faced it once. 

So what does this mean for our ending, and for possible future DLC? Is this meant to be the true ending, despite popular (and my personal belief) that The Star seems to be the happiest ending? Why does V go to the crystal palace? Are they continuing to play Night City’s game, where one either “becomes an asshole or is killed by one” (according to Judy)? Or are they the “villain”, leaving their previous path of the meek to join Rintrah/Johnny and rage in the wilds? This game does a lot of work to pit the idea of art vs conformity, survival of the body vs the soul, and for that reason I hope this is saying something about The Sun ending: we’re going to find Johnny. Either in a metaphorical sense, connecting to his legacy…or maybe in a physical sense?