#did he sleep there bc he was supposed to or bc el and him were mad at each other

[ihopeyouhaveanicexmas]

Hold up, during the first s4 byler heart-to-heart they are in Jonathan's room. Why?? Someone made a map of the Byers' Lenora house but i don't remember their username. So according to them, Will's room is downstairs while the rest of the bedrooms are upstairs. The previous scene to this when we see the cali group is when they are in the living room and Owen's "friends" are explaining to them what happened with El and what they have to do. Then Mike got El's note and went upstairs to her room to read it. So did Will go upstairs to check in on Mike and somehow they ended up in Jonathan's room? So much to think about.

[ddejavvu]

thinking about fucking dbf!hopper in the back of his car as he drowns reader in praise<33 maybe after he saved r from a shitty party bc he won’t hesitate to get his ass out of bed at 3am for r.

today is multiverse monday! send me any au you can think of :)

this post is 18+, minors dni.

You're lucky the back windows of Jim's squad car are tinted, because if anyone looked through them, you'd be in trouble. You're pretty sure that cops can only pull over into 'no parking' zones for legal emergencies, not to sit in the backseat and finger a girl's clit while she rides their dick.

Even if it's wrong, it feels fantastic. His thumb is large and rough, but its touch is gentle, pressing against your clit as his other hand rests against your waist.

"I'm so proud of you," He hums, bumping his nose against your cheek as you slump your face into his. It's screwed up in a barely-withheld whimper, and he kisses your top lip as you try biting the bottom one to keep quiet.

"You remembered my number and everything, you did exactly what you were supposed to."

"I was scared," You admit, grinding your hips impossibly downwards to drive his dick further into your cunt, wet and starting to contract, "I- I didn't know how I was gonna get home, 'cause my friend got drunk, and I didn't wanna ask any of the guys there, because-"

"That's good," He croons, "Boys your age only want one thing."

You don't bother pointing out the irony of his statement, because he smashes your lips into a kiss that prevents you from speaking. With one flick of his tongue against your bottom lip he increases the pressure he's holding against your clit, and a deep groan floods your mouth. Your accompanying whimper as your orgasm crests makes his dick twitch, but what really makes him bust is the way that your cunt convulses around him.

He's lucky you're on the pill, because nothing can ever come close to the way it feels to paint your insides with his cum. It's territorial and animalistic, and he furthers the feeling by nipping at your bottom lip. The way that you clench in response is purposeful, your cunt squeezing his cock like a vice.

"Shit," He groans, his lips spit-soaked as you try chasing him in a messy kiss when he breaks away. Your head slumps against his shoulder, lips ghosting over his neck as you mouth desperately at his sweat-beaded skin.

"I'm taking you home," He pants, landing a quick, affectionate pat to your ass, "Your dad'll lose his shit if he knows you were out this late, and El's sleeping over at a friend's for the night."

"Her bed is comfy," You recall, remembering the time you'd napped there during a board game-themed all-nighter that had only actually lasted until 2AM, "Thanks, Hop."

A deep chuckle shakes his chest and he runs his broad hand down your back, "No, honey, you're not sleeping in her bed. You're sleeping in mine."

[russellsppttemplates]

A secret fwb situation between Thomas and Élodie!

Things already got out of hand cuz they both caught feelings, but didn't tell each other. She sees him too close to a girl at a party one day and drinks her jealousy away, their friends leave him to take care of her bc the Leclercs and the Gaslys always take care of each other. Thomas is freaking out, like "Dammit, Élodie! Why did you do this? If your brothers or your father found out you're this drunk they gonna kill us both!". He ends up sneaking her into his bedroom to take care of her.

idk if the ages align, but for what I understand he's a little older than her, right?

Tw: mentions drinking

"How do you tell your friend 'hey, this was supposed to be a no feelings thing, but I've fallen for you, harder than how my mother falls when we go on ski trips. how do we proceed?' without risking them never talking to you again?", Thomas exasperated, "I think your parents know a thing or two about that", one of his friends pointed out as they walked inside the the bar.

It wasn't the best way to deal with the situation, Thomas knew that much, but when a girl approached him, he kept talking to her, completely forgetting that Élodie was also I the same room.

Since the Gasly couple was going on a long weekend trip to celebrate their anniversary, Charles was the first to suggest that their kids could come down to their place and spend the weekend there, given that they were all around the same ages, so they'd have plans with eachother and their friends, so they had all gone to the same bar for the night.

"I wish I didn't feel for him like I do, I mean, look at him! He doesn't care one bit", Élodie said to her friend, "they're just talking, I'm sure it's just that", she attempted to comfort her as she saw her down two more shots, "it's my own fault for catching feelings", she hiccuped.

Things quickly got too much, whether it was the fact that the music had gotten louder and the drinks had become some weird mixture, but Élodie had had enough, and one thing her friend knew for sure is that Thomas would be the only person to deal with this the proper way and help her. Fortunately, their friends understood just how much the Leclercs and Gaslys looked out for eachother, helping Thomas bring Élodie home before heading to their own houses too.

Élodie was lying on his bed, looking significantly better now as Hervé, who had been in charge of making sure the younger ones got homm safe and sound, looked at them, "I don't need to tell you to be more responsible, right Élodie?", he asked, earning a nod, "I know, it was stupid. I'm sorry for doing it. But can you please not tell my parents?", she asked, "not my story to tell, I just need you to be okay, that's all", Hervé said, placing the pills and cup of water on the bedside table, "take these before you go to sleep, they'll help tomorrow. Try and keep quiet, okay? If you make any noise, you'll have Amélie on your door in no time, and I think it's safe to say our dear sister will have a much different reaction to mine", he smiled at his brother, highfiving Élodie quietly before leaving the room.

"I never took you for the drinker", Thomas said, "I'm not usually one", Élodie mumbled back, cursing herself for how much she was enjoying his touch as he rubbed her back, "what happened then? C'mon, El, you know you can tell me anything", he urged.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was just that she had enough of this situation, and for whatever it meant, her parents always told her to be honest, "seeing you with that girl made me jealous. Because she was talking to you and you're not with her just to fulfill a need and then be friends", she gulped, tears falling from her eyes, "I got jealous because we're not that, even though we said we'd never be that anyway. And it hurt", she tried her best to pull away from Thomas, feeling him pull her in.

"Can I have a go now? I was talking to her because I wanted to forget about the fact that I miss you in ways a friend doesn't miss another. I don't miss just being with you when we sneak away. I miss having you with me in mundane things like going to the shops, or at family gatherings, to be able to hold you longer before you have to leave. I don't want to keep this arrangement, I want more", Thomas said, "we'll talk tomorrow, yes? But for now, know that I'm in if you are", he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, allowing her to sleep for a little bit before they spoke about it with a clearer head.

(Thank you for submitting an ask 🤍)

[sebyplays2]

/ polyamorous-elevenv2 here! so u did have a bad time, so I decided to try to work something for u. like part of the collab. I didn't start it, bc I asked if u have any idea for the prompt for that collab but u never responded. but well, anyway, let's start.

It wasn't anything unusual. Max was spending a lot of time lately with Lucas and El. It was normal. El was her best friend, and Lucas was her boyfriend. It was okay. They hang out a lot as a trio, they went to the movies, on ice creams, they even taught El the beautiful art of judging people together!

But today, well, today was different.

Last night, the trio of them decided to go to Lucas' house because it was still bright outside, even though rain was raining like crazy. They ended up on his couch, choosing one of the videotapes Lucas had in his home, and decided to watch it. It started with comedy movie, then they switched to horror one, and at the end they have chosen... romance, yeah. But it was funny. Characters were straight up dumb, but El was loving it, looking at the screen with bright eyes, making both Max and Lucas smile.

And Max didn't want to think about it then, but... it wasn't an 'El is such a silly friend' smile. No. It was a 'she's so cute, isn't she?' smile, that smile that usually is directed at people you love. Not friends. And she knew that Lucas loves her, stars know that she knows it, but-

No. Nope, not now. That's not a problem right now.

Max's problem right now is that she is in need of peeing.

Why won't she just go?

Because the night before, after watching a romance movie, they switched to some boring drama and,,, well,,, next thing Max know is waking up squished between El and Lucas' torsos.

The fuck is she supposed to do right now, and why her cheeks are so hot!?

/ your turn <3

woah… thats unexpected… i thought we will do lumax finds out about El bad habits (the one i message you) but nvm that i mean this one is sooo GOOD… idk umh okay. sorry here is my part😅

max is now stuck with this idiots who she love… like- her mind is saying get up you need to go and pee but her brain say stay because can you survive the guilt leaving them or waking them up? fv*k no right.

she ended up sitting there and hot faced while getting squish by her boyfriend and her gurl bestfriend who she think is more than that.

While shes like that trying to hold her gladbladder, the two moved to their left side making Max have some space and go to the bathroom… Max got confused and kinda sad because they moved she wanted to stay but she couldnt hold it anymore so she rushed to bathroom and after that she go back to the couch we're her two idiots sleeping.

its morning and she woke up having all the couch by herself with soft pillows in her head and a blanket on top of her. she wonder where Lucas and El, she than smell something heavinly coming from the kitchen she got up and goes to the kitchen, finding Lucas cooking and El helping him.

El and Lucas notice Max standing quietly at the corner, El called Max and greet her good morning while smilling cutely, Max feel her heartbeat getting faster, she smiled and also greet El. Lucas also greeted her and Max also greet him to, she sat next El and they start to chat, after 5 minutes the food is ready Lucas already handing them their food for El she have; chicken and waffle and a milk, for Max she have a pancakes,bacons and a coffee and for him he have ham and chess omelete and orange juice.

while he handle their plates he kissed Max forehead and said morning my love. Max blush and look like red as a tomato. The three sat and eat their breakfast that Lucas made.

Max never felt so loved in her life not until she met this two sunshine in her life... she will do anything just to see their cute and heavenly smile.

your turn @polyamorous-elevenv2 😊

[euclydya]

i'm glad that you liked them, i'm chronically into musical theatre by nature of the performing arts teacher being The Safe Space™ for freaks back home (we grew up in a very small town, like a "makes hawkins look big and bustling" type of place).

y'all's recommendations are great as always! i've heard aesop rock's older stuff but i hadn't heard anything from malibu ken until your rec. will wood is also an all-time favorite artist, dr west especially is obsessed with him.

tonight's recommendations: pressure bomb 3 by jhariah for billy, not invited by holychild for the steves, malmo by mook for your jonathan, be gay do drugs hail satan by super cassette for eddie, and psychotherapy by melanie for will. i am also suggesting graveyard picnic by aurelio voltaire for poe; dr. crane recommends down to the river by brown bird for her.

Goddamn that sounds like hell, growing up in a teeny lil town! Very very glad y'all had someone to consider safe though !!

Your recs are very spot on with what we enjoy !! :} All are added to our playlists and then some LMAO we love them all thank you thank you !! 🖤 /platonic -Poe

Our recs!:

Dear Mother - Cake Bake Betty (🧋 Steve's rec)

I suppose the easiest way to differentiate these two would be emojis, huh? Elder Steve's emoji is 🧋, while younger Steve has yet to choose one. Anyways! Everyone's asleep aside from Kaz and I so we will be relaying songs from them to you

🧋Steve doesn't have much to say for this one, as it's difficult for him to put into words what this song means to him. He says it's something to do with source, though? Which is explanation enough, in his mind-words! -Poe

Dragula - Rob Zombie (Billy's rec!)

(This could also count as Max's rec too, because she also adores this song, lmao)

A perfect song for the Halloween season we think !! Very very fun and very very catchy, if Billy isn't listening to Angry Songs then she's listening to stuff like this :} -Poe

Runs In The Family - Amanda Palmer (Jonathan's rec!)

Jonathan says, and I quote, "*points at the lyrics and nods*" and..... Oh yes that's very. Self explanatory looking at the lyrics for this one I'd say! /lighthearted

he also says "not that I hate my family, I never did and never will, but sometimes Things Were Hell™" -Poe

Can't Go To Hell - Sin Shake Sin (Eddie's rec)

I do not know what Eddie's thoughts are on this song as all hex is giving me is ":)", "👍!", and "¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯" emojis.

I will say it is very fitting for hex though, lyrically and sound-wise, very loud and fast paced, just like hex is -Kaz

The Angel Of The Forever Sleep - Marcy Playground (my rec -Kaz)

I hope you don't mind me joining in, too? I've been... Up front ever since we woke up and have been. Keeping everybody else calm. Things are okay, just a tad stressed, but whatever. I've been playing this on repeat for the past few hours to help keep things calm, too. It's been working so far, luckily! -Kaz

Jimmy - Tool (my rec!! -Poe)

Hmm hmmm..... I suppose if our El had their own playlist this would definitely be on it! /tangent, unrelated, etc.

Tool's known for long songs™ and while this one's about 5 minutes it DOES feel longer because it's so slow going, but the wait is much worth it in my opinion! The ending verse is beautiful, very much so! -Poe

21st Century Schizoid Man - The Human Experimente (Will's rec)

Linked it cuz it's stupid hard to track down sometimes. Literally couldn't find the damn song for a good couple years until it popped back on YouTube recently so now we have it downloaded lmao

Lotta good covers of this song out there but I really like this one (I am not at all biased bc I like Tool no sirree /jokeeee). Maynard's done a hell of a lotta good covers tbh I love them all but rn I'm vibing the most w this song! -Will

[kuekyuuq]

At this point, I see things regarding Supercorp this way...

(Mxaybe... in another universe... *sighs*)

My head-canon for the show:

Lena had a crush on Kara since day one and vice versa. She tried to deny it, deny herself the ‘luxury’ of personal attachment... but Kara was quite persistent, and cute, and sweet, and warm, and such a dork, and... yeah... Lena got confused when she developed similar feelings for Supergirl, and then her disagreements with Supergirl caused her to not-like her anymore, but still felt physically attracted to her - damnit. Since oblivious Kara did not respond properly to her flirts (and they both verbally friend-zoned each other), Lena resigned to gaze and long for her in secret, thinking Kara was straight. Neither her short and tragic re-encounter with Jack - an unresolved comfort from her own past - nor her sudden enemies-to-lovers thing with James (Kara's ex of all people) could quite quench her craving for Kara's closeness and warmth or her verbal tension-filled jab-throwing matches with Supergirl. After the reveal, Lena was more hurt over her 'friend' betraying her trust, keeping a secret from her (yes, that's a double-standard, Lena! ...girl's got deeply rooted issues) than 'Supergirl' using her alter-ego to take advantage of Lena (which, hands down, Kara actually did on some occasions - so, ironically that one would have been objectively valid, but, hey, feelz shape our perspectives). She went through her lashing-out phase, only to realize she can't live without Kara in her life. And really wants to do good. Yes, that too... ...and it only took her trying to brainwash the whole world (good intentions and the road to hell) and Lex back-stabbing her a couple of times, to see the light and join the good guys for good... to be more like Supergirl, in her own small way...? Y'all know what I mean ^_- She came crawling back, continues to try hard to prove herself worthy, longingly watching on every time Kara and Alex hug, desperate to keep her sunshine-impersonated in her life, whom she truly loves, despite how much she tried to convince herself she did not...

...

Meantime, Kara is an alien (yes, I bold that, bc, people tend to not think this through). From a totally different culture and all, having suffered great trauma and entering Earth's culture during her puberty/informative years. A Kryptonian who crushed for Humans (males - James, Adam - and apparently 4 other dudes she broke the noses of when kissing) and other aliens (Daxamite Mon-El) ...uh, and even couldn't stop herself admitting how she likes how nice Lucy (female Human) smells (the most prominent other time such a statement was made, was when everybody was swooning over Kal). Who only in her adulthood realized homosexuality was even a real option, outside of high-schoolers slurring at each other. (And I am not saying, Kara is gay, as in lesbian... she incidentally spoke true when she denied that in the pilot. Repeat after me: “Kara is an alien.” ..I’d call her pan, but am also aware, that the textbook definition doesn’t include ‘all species’... so.... there’s that.) Kara, who so desperately hard tried to fit in, she got absolutely used to others telling her what she's supposed to feel and think.

...who crushed hard for Lena at first sight (possibly, also star-struck). But both Clark and Alex, her most important people to look for help, guidance and reference, told her any Luthor was bad news.

There was Mon-El, whom she didn't even like, at first. When he lied told her he wasn't in love with her, she was utterly relieved. She was all “Oh, golly. That’s unexpected and awkward. What now?!” when he confessed to her, and tried (and failed) to let him down gently. (I am actually convinced, that Kara was more ego-hurt, that he moved on to Eve so quickly, and.. where she and James ended things once Lucy was out of the picture, Kara only started thinking/feeling differently about Mon-El when he was taken... just sayin’ I maybe spot a pattern there.) But, Alex told her, that she had a thing for Mon-El and that she should give him a shot... ...even when Lena got involved with Cadmus, and Kara found herself passionately defending the youngest Luthor against ALL her friends, when she could not explain her bone-deep trust in Lena but by "I can see it in her eyes" and other instinctually tainted expressions... Well, she and Mon-El made it work, they were actually a sweet couple when they weren't butting heads... Didn't stop Kara from having mixed feelings when Lena ran into her ex. And yes, Kara did mourn Mon-El. If only for the concept of what they had together, but I do think, she did feel love for him... Me thinks, Kara would be one of the people who simply can not separate physical and emotional. So by kissing and sleeping with him, stronger emotional attachments came to be. Not to invalidate them, but... personal history is important.

....long story short, Kara kept trying not to stand out. Lived and loved on the safe-side, hurt one too many times by circumstance. And yet kept feeling drawn to Lena, kept trusting her, kept wanting to reveal herself to her - despite what everybody else said. But, emotionally and 'culturally' on the safe side.

Kara friend-zoned herself.

The reveal happened and... Lena HURT her and Kara STILL kept her hope and trust up... and while towards the end of it, being incredibly hurt and worn out, she still let Lena back in. And within 24h decided that Lena came through enough times and Kara was ready to accept her apology...

And then Lex happend (again) and Phantom Zone...

Now...

[*] My head-canon for RL:

Katie is such a natural flirt, that even though the SG writers (after introducing both Lena and Mon-El to the show) have been told "no gay Supergirl" by the CW in 2017, Melissa just never knows what hit her...

Director: "CUUUT!" Melissa: "--...wait, what? I'm married. I mean... huh?" Melissa: "Wait! We have to redo that! We were told, not to-" Katie: "To what?" Melissa: "...uh, the Supercorp-thing... you know... the heart-eyes?" Katie: "What heart-eyes?" *raises an eyebrow the typical Katie-way* Melissa: "...the... um.... you..." Katie: "Wait, did you-..?" Melissa: "Me!? Oh, no. I am married!" Katie: "What has that to do-... Are you okay?" Melissa: "Yes!" Katie: "Okay, then." *Katie swaggers off stage & hi5s one of the writers on her way out* Melissa: "...darn it." *calls Chris* "Honey, I love you." Chris: "...it happened again?" Melissa: "..." *Chris starts laughing* Melissa: "...so not funny."

So, yeah, that's where I am at. Kara friend-zoned herself and Lena is totally mush for the Girl of Steel. ...and Katie is just being Katie :)

Also, I am currently 99% sure Supercorp will not be endgame. But I would be 100% pleased to be proven wrong.

[* In all seriousness, do not bash on the actors, please. They are just doing their jobs, have a life and family, real relationships and feelings. So, my above 're-enactment' is completely fictional, purely for light-hearted entertainment and not meant to do any harm or spread any hate or to be actually transcribed onto the actual, real people. We do not really know these people! They - and the writers, too - do bring characters to life that we invest in - for that they deserve our gratitude. My gut feeling (or shipper-heart feeling?) is, they are doing their best to sneak Supercorp in whenever they can - not to bait, but because they may actually not be allowed (yet..?) to make SC text but see the same chemistry we do. Have fun, but be respectful, please! We can disagree with the CW's executive decisions - although, we do not really know what’s going on bts - and express our dismay, but do not in all seriousness spread hate.]

[moved-16292719371973]

━☆ JONATHAN BYERS AND THEO SAMSON'S FRIENDSHIP

best friends since 1st [jonathan] and 2nd grade [theo]

neither of them remember how or why they're best friends, but they just are

the few months before will went missing, theo practically lived with the byers when joyce finds out theo's mother is a mean drunk

joyce was 98% convinced they were dating until jonathan explained why theo was hanging around so much

before, jonathan had explained them staying over as just "sleepovers"

jonathan was the first person theo came out as a lesbian to

jonathan has only met theo's mother a few times and eddie, who theo calls their cousin, once while theo has met his entire extended family on his mom's side

theo doesn't celebrate christmas, but jonathan always gets her a present and she knows that they are always welcome to dinner— as joyce has drilled into their brain

theo constantly calls jonathan "jonny boy" and he hates it with a passion

theo was planning on getting jonathan a new camera when steve broke his first one, but had to save up

kicked steve in the shin when he got one before her

has broken steve and tommy h's noses before

smacked jonathan multiple times in various places when she found out about the nancy pictures

"im disappointed in you, jonny boy."

told jonathan about her crush on barb and he almost tried to set them up before remembering that was not a good idea

told jonathan "im gonna steal your girlfriend" when nancy shot a demo-dog off while it was attacking them

he retaliated with "she's not my girlfriend so go ahead"

el looked at theo with confusion one time and theo is now convinced she hates her

theo gave jonathan and will discounts at the music store she worked at in the mall even if they weren't supposed to

but only them. all their friends had to pay full price

theo contemplated moving with them in their RV since all they had to do was pack up the stuff outside, end the lease, and quite her job

joyce had to talk her down from it and for a while after they moved jonathan looked into trailer parks in lenora just in case

theo cried for 2hrs straight after finding out they were moving and another 3hrs when they actually did

theo punched jonathan in the face on accident one time bc he woke them up during a nightmare

jonathan once sat on and broke theo's glasses and she didn't speak to him for a day and then forgave him bc it was getting boring

theo is also convinced that nancy hates her while nancy thinks they're great friends and jonathan laughs every time theo complains about nance hating them

"okay but like are you sure she said that ??? 'like' can easily be mistaken for 'despise with every bone in my tiny little body'"

theo was the first person to get jonathan high

when jonathan called and told her about argyle she first faked an offended gasp over how he was getting high with someone else and then secondly asked how long would take to drive to california so they could— hypothetically— get high together

she ended up visiting a little bit before spring break so they wouldn't have to go with mike

the smoke sesh was one of the best ones theo has had in their LIFE

jonathan and theo have had a "mike wheeler hate club" since the summer and hopper would join them whenever he could before he died/got taken by the russians

when they were kids theo faked eating a worm and jonathan copied except it actually went in his mouth

theo put a bunch of her random stuff in various boxes when the byers moved so they could find them when they unpacked

also all four of them got mixtapes created by theo over the course of two weeks

the giving order went joyce, el, will, and then jonathan

jonathan has caught el and will both going to sleep in the rock band shirts theo packed in their respective boxes

tell nobody, but jonathan is also guilty

they didn't know el's birthday so theo decided it either be November 11 or December 31 and they all agreed on December 31

theo calls often and will talk to whoever answers the phone for however long they want

theo met murray once and when he tried to set them up, theo and jonathan almost died laughing and wouldn't explain

he did get it on his own, tho

theo didn't know how to braid hair, so when joyce taught her, jonathan sat and watched so he could learn too

they would take lunches to school and would swap certain items or bring extra of something to give to the other

one of the first times joyce had an inkling that theo wasn't the most heterosexual was when she came into the living room and saw the two of them, aged 12 and 11, with matching looks as kate bush's white dress version of the wuthering heights music video played on the tv

they both helped make will's purple wizard outfit

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being a Party Member

Stranger Kids x reader

warnings:

a/n: 💖💖 these ones were kind bad but i hope you like!

prompt: anonymous: “Hi! Can you make a headcannon for Stranger Things of just being in the party? Sorry if its too vague. Thank you so much for giving us so much free content!!”

you’ve known the boys for a long, long time

your mom was friends with joyce in high school, so you knew will your whole life

he introduced you to mike and soon lucas and dustin had joined the mix

let’s face it, you guys weren’t the most popular, but as long as you had each other it was fine

“at recess do you want to play castle?”

“yes! but we need to make up our characters”

will the wise was born that day, it just stuck

you guys were obsessed with star wars when it came out

“i’d totally be a jedi” -mike

“mike, you’d cry at the sight of any alien creature”

“not true!”

“i think lucas would be a kickass pilot, though”

“i’d get the princess, too” -lucas

dustin ended up playing lightsabers with you, though

you’ve accidentally knocked down tons of stuff in mike’s basement

“cut it out, you guys!”

“soooorryyyyy”

“you are not!”

AV club was just the 5 of you acting afool under adult supervision

mr. clark was still proud of your young minds, though

D&D campaigns, you were the rogue

you were also easily distracted during the game

“anyone want chips, im gonna get some chips”

“no! you can’t leave now!”

“watch me”

playing with mike’s toys while he’s not looking

battling them with lucas, dustin, and will

until mike started protesting

bike rides around town until sunset

SLEEPOVERS

“who the hell is snoring?”

“i think it’s dustin”

“PILLOW FIGHT!!!”

“kids, time to sleep!” -any parent

“let’s watch a scary movie”

“no! i mean—i’m tired” -mike

depending on which house you were staying in, you’d have a great time

will’s brother, jonathan, was always nice to you

nancy...not so much

“hi na—” *door slams* “oh...”

erica always intruded on your sleepovers at lucas’s

“i wanna play! can i play?”

“no, erica, go play somewhere else”

“you’re so mean, lucas”

“bye!”

dustin didn’t have any siblings, but he did have a cat who was pretty nice

“hi mews!”

the night will disappeared was a night you’ll never forget

you were so determined to find him, he had to be around somewhere

you ended up getting in deeper water than you’d originally thought when you met eleven, who apparently had superpowers

“mike!!! you’re mom is gonna kill you for bringing a random girl in the house”

“i know! shhhhh”

she was weird to say the least

and it was pretty scary sneaking around with her

“dude...she has the force”

“shut up!”

after a long week of fighting with your friends and encountering inter dimensional monsters and the government, you realized your life would never be the same

your mom was pretty protective over you for a while

the party had to come to your house instead for the next few months

“sorry guys, she’s just...really upset about the whole thing”

“it’s okay, y/n. we don’t mind”

being each other’s support system

especially when it came to will, he really worried you guys

“today is will’s doctor visit, hope it goes okay...”

spending HOURS in the arcade, struggling to beat other people’s high scores

“i’m gonna do it! i’m gonna get the top score!”

“in your dreams, y/n”

hAlLoWeEn

you knew you weren’t supposed to dress up at school but no one was paying attention to you when you told them

unfortunate.

there was a new girl who mike hated right off the bat

but lucas and dustin wouldn’t stop fighting over

“you two are the worst, you know that?”

trick or treating and dumping your candy later on to trade, the most effective way to get the best halloween

“nougat, disgusting. anybody want it? i’ll give it to you for free”

*dustin and you simultaneously* “ME!”

dustin’s “pet lizard” scaring the hell out of you

“dart makes me...uncomfortable”

max pulling you aside to ask why mike hates her

“uh...he’s a dick? i don’t know”

you and max ended up getting along pretty okay, though

she did complain about mike a LOT though

and when lucas filled her in on the demogorgon/upside-down/eleven situation, EVERYONE was pissed

you guys realized that the upside down stuff was not over and there was an epic teamup with all of you yaaaay

steve harrington adopted you it’s true

eleven came back

that was cool

you gave her a hug bc like duh??? you missed her

steve babysitting you guys and then getting beat up by max’s stepbrother, billy

“can i hit him? i wanna hit him”

“do it!”

doing dumbass shit in the tunnels that ended up working out anyways! yay!

“we’re all gonna die we’re all gonna die oh my god i’m too young to die”

“Y/N STOP”

in the end everything was (mostly) okay but like, that was scarring

summer rolled around and el and mike were dating, max and lucas were dating, and dusting came back from camp and claimed to be dating some girl from faaaar away

“liar”

“i’m not lying!”

steve sneaking you into movies

he also gave you (and only you) free ice cream but only bc he knew you wouldn’t tell anyone else

robin and you talking while you hid in the break room to eat your ice cream

“so...what do you do for fun”

“kill monsters”

“oh...okay”

kinda sick of the party’s shit for a while, so dustin and you were off scheming with the scoops employees

bad ideaaaa!! the russians!! you were almost killed!!

rescue mission for steve and robin

“they’re high as shit”

“nO YOu aRe”

“wonderful, we’re screwed”

losing them fhdhdhsh

“y/n?!”

“what? i’m not a babysitter!”

being chased by russians but also the rest of the party showing up and updating you but also adults finally making an appearance and you wanting to cry because like what the fuck is happening

being chased by the mind flayer

“GUYS IF WE DONT MAKE IT I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW I LOVE YOU”

“Y/N. STOP SAYING THINGS THAT MAKE US THINK WE’RE GOING TO DIE”

eek that night sucked

you also almost fell down the hill that cerebro was placed on

and then uhhh hopper died so that was really bad and will ended up moving away with el and everyone was very sad

your mom cried when joyce left :(

you cried way too much

might i add going over to lucas’s to hang out with erica bc now you guys are friends lmaooo

“why are you here, y/n?”

“erica wanted me to come over”

“you two are impossible”

and to end this on a high note, the remaining party members in town were finally working through their differences as you all grew up and knew that it’d be impossible to separate for good

also pizza nights every week (sometimes accompanied by an older teen bc why not)

“if you guys eat all the damn pizza we’re gonna have a problem”

“we can’t help it! we’re growing!”

taglist: @locke-writes // @queenofthehairharrington // @praellee // @bonniesbabybunnie // @lotsoffandomrecs //

[tuffluuhv]

VOLUME 2 SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STRANGER THINHS SEASON 4 SPOILERS!!!, STRANGER THINGS SEASON 4 SPOILERS!!!!, I REPEAT, STRANGER THINGS SEASON 4 SPOILERS!!! DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU HAVENT WATCHTED VOLUME 2!!!

What will probably be part one of my thoughts and feelings (very strong feelings) on Stranger things season 4. Thank you :)

TW: Use of word "queer" (I know some people don't like that word and that's absolutely cool but it's the word that I use because it's easiest. I am referring to the LGBTQ+ community when I say queer), death obvi, trauma, swearing

It's 5:55am, I just finished VOLUME 2. I struggle with sleeping so it's normal for me to stay up until like 3am, however I decided to watch Volume 2 and now I kinda regret it bc I'm sad.

Sooooooo,,,, thoughts?

I know they did not give me Eddie Munson just to take him away. Fuck that. Fuck you Duffer Brothers. That hurts. My eyes are teary. I fucking cried with Dustin, the amount of trauma that kid has now on top of everything else. Like wtf. Also Max?? Max wake up, Max I don't like this, Max wake up!!! Also Lucas fighting Jason? Should have already happened but I can't imagine having your signifcant other die in your arms, like, along with Dustin, the amount of trauma this kid has on top of everything else. Except, Max might still live, Eddie is dead.

I can't stop thinking about how Dustin had to leave Eddie's body in the upside down. That emotionally fucks with me because if I were in that position I don't think I'd be able to pull myself away. The amount of guilt Dustin must carry now is insane. I just wanna give him a hug a kiss on the forhead.

I miss Eddie already so I stg I better find some fan fics where he lives or I will write them myself God dammit.

Look I know Will isn't confirmed "queer/gay" but- (or at least I don't think he is)

Wll and Jonathan's talk while stirring the salt bath? Actually made me tear up. It's so emotional and like heart-warming and I just- look anybody can relate to it but as a queer person, I wish somebody had talked to me the way that Jonathan talked to Will cause that would have made shit so much easier.

WILL CRYNG WHILE TELLING MIKE THAT EL LOVES HIM AND HIS RELATIONSHIP WIL WORK OUT😭😭 (I, a fellow queer, have also consoled a straight friend I was crushing on/liked a lot about their relationship/crush) (I'm also not saying that straight people can't pine for their friends, they absoloutely can, but it's different when you're queer)

Yeah no Eddie will be a theme in ths bc what the fuck. I love him so much?? He is so soft, and caring, and a attentive, and funnh, and loving, and BRAVE!!!! He deserved to graduate😭 it was supposed to be his year😭 YOU HEAR ME DUFFER BROTHERS!! '86 WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HIS FUCKING YEAR😭😭

I will probs post more ab this when I'm not so tired and hungry. I'm gonna try sleep now. Gn love youuss :)

[bciwasinlove]

how would you analyize or interpret the song walls?cause i‘ve heard a lot of people say it‘s a break up song as it‘s written in past tense and basically saying he‘s stronger now after a break up (maybe even from a toxic relationship), he‘s risen above it and it doesn‘t really sound like a love song about an ongoing romance, does it?

Hi anon this is going to be a long one bc there is no quick answer to this so just know you asked for this.

First let's get one thing straight the ones who claim Walls [the album in general] is a break up album are the "Rads" short for Radical Louies. Essentially they are toxic louies who once were a larry shipper [not even a real larrie] but now hate Harry bc their mad Louis hasn't gotten the same promo and solo opportunities Harry has and some how in their eyes that's Harry's fault. They don't see it was Syco trying to sabotage Louis and in no way is Louis being sabotaged Harry's fault. Rads try to twist the truth and believe Harry left Louis for fame so since they hate Harry they have twisted the meaning of Walls to in their head a break up from a toxic relationship. They also really want LT2 to be a HUGE SHADE break up album which is 100% not the case so don't believe their crap.

Tho I heard you may have sent this same ask to others [who probably ignored you] so there is a chance you are a rad trying to find out what larries believe. Either way if you are a confused larrie or an undercover rad you probably need this info that no one else will bother giving you the time of day to tell you but I myself thought why not I'll answer you.

Second Louis and Harry have been happily in love for 10 years and have not officially broken up. Yes they have had issues like any couple does but it did not stem from eachother their issues stemed from them being forcibly closeted, the stunt gfs and their labels thus their songs are not break up songs but songs about not being able to be free and forced to fake date others when all they want is to publicly be with the one they love.

Now that that is out of the way here's why Walls is about Louis loving one person and one person only since he was 18. I'm doing the whole album [minus TOU] bc it is impossible to state why Walls the song is not a break up song without mentioning the others like Too Young [which rads also claim as a break up song] bc the album as a whole paints the whole picture.

Bree's analysis on Walls

Kill My Mind:

You kill my mind, raise my body back to life and I don't know what I'd do without you now.

KMM is definitely the sexual song of Walls [not No Control type sexual but just we click right from the start sexual] It has the I just met you and we are figuring one another out vibe [both physically and just as people] and how right from the start Louis craves Harry and his attention. It has a similar vibe to Watermelon Sugar which Harry said is about the euphoria of falling in love and the way the other person makes you feel right from the start. Louis in KMM is saying I've just meet someone and they are now all I think about, crave and I don't know how I would be able to live without them.

Don't Let It Break Your Heart:

And I know you left apart of you in New York under your bed in a box, but your doing better.

Flashback to HS1 "Ever Since New York" seems like they both love to mention something happening in NY with their lover. We may never know what happened but it's always a funny coincidence when they mention the same places in their songs almost like their singing about the same situation.

Life gets hard and it gets messed up when you give so much, but it's not enough when the highs to high and the lows to low when you love somone and they let you go.

As I stated before their issues involved the stunts [fake dating women] so when Louis says love someone and they let you go he means when his lover gave into what they were being told to do for the sake of their careers. As young as they were when this all started it's hard not to think they may have fell for the lies being fed to them. So Harry let "Louis go" by being seeing with a ton of women gaining himself the brand of "lady's man" while also being forced to watch Louis be with someone else [Eleanor] and publicly act like that was the one he loved. Harry wrote the song Just a Little Bit of Your Heart which is a prime exactly of those feelings. Harry loves Louis so much but he only gets to love him privately while Eleanor gets to loves him publicly and as Harry wrote a little bit of your love is better then none.

Were driving down a one way road to something better. What hurts you is going to pass you'll be doing better.

This shows they know the pain all the bad things thrown their way won't stick around forever. They will overcome this and one day they will see the light at the end of the tunnel or the rainbow after the storm.

We Made It:

Cause we made it, Underestimated and always underrated. Now we're saying goodbye waving to the hard time yeah it's gonna be already.

Do I need to explain it I would say the title alone and this chorus makes it very clear. Break up who when where how? They had hard ships but NOT from their own doing. WMI is about how decpite all they were put through they made it. Flashback to Harry HS1 tour with Kacey in a rainbow dress at MSG in front of 36k people singing "[their/where] still together still going strong." They want you to know nothing will break them apart no matter how hard anyone tries. We are keeping the bad in the past and moving forward to a better tomorrow.

Share a single bed and tell each other what we dream about. Things we'd never say to someone else out loud.

This reminds me of their Xfactor days or early 1D tour days bc in 1D interviews it was always made clear they would share rooms and also how on the bus Louis bunk was filled with his junk so where did he sleep then? Also there are many former Xfactor contestants that have come out and said they were forced to be in the closet on the show. Flashback to an article claiming the people in charge of the 2010 Xfactor season tried to hide and keep a same sex couple apart wonder who that was? That line is about when they were young and the late nights they spent together wondering how their future was going to go. They were still just big smiles, wide eyed, oblivious young boys when they imagined only good things to come of the future with them and the band.

We were only kids just trying to work it out. Wonder what they'd say if they could see us now?/ Don't know why they put all of this on us when we're so young. Done a pretty good job dealing with it all.

We were only kids [when Louis fell in love with said person] and we're so young reminds me of Harry's song To Be So Lonely where he says "Don't blame me for falling I was just a little boy." They both mention falling in love at a young age and both mention how after all this time they are still just as in love as back then but just a little less naive/oblivious. They are both hinting at a higher person [their label/management] who didn't approve of their love and telling them it wasn't going to work out. Harry going you can't be mad at me I was only a boy and Louis going wonder what would happen if they saw us now meaning look we didn't let you win. They tried so hard to separate Louis and Harry but it didn't work and Louis wants us and THEM especially to know they are still very much together, they handled it as best at they could and they weren't going to let them keep Louis and Harry apart.

Meet you at your uni, cheap drink, drink em all night

This is what we call a stunt line to push a narrative. Harry does stunt songs [Carolina and Cherry] while Louis does stunt lines. This line is suppose to allude to the album being for Eleanor [bc she went to Manchester Uni] but the rest of the album is so clearly not for her. If this song was about a break up from Harry then why would they bother adding in a stunt line about Eleanor when the public story is El and Louis are happily still together with Louis planning to marry her? Unless Walls isn't a break up album and it's very loudly Louis declaring him and Harry are still happily together and they wanted to try and force the image that Louis is happily in love with Eleanor. Also funny how this album is gender neutral and has no she pronouns in it unlike Zayn's new album having she pronouns.

Too Young:

We were to young to know we had everything. Too Young, I wish I could've seen it all along. I'm sorry that I hurt you, darling, no we were to young

This song is all about how when Harry was only 16 and he was 18 [Louis himself saying the song is about meeting the one at 18] he was to young to realize he had the best lover he was ever going to have, he had it all. As I said before issues in songs = management/stunts and this is Illuding to how Louis let them minupulate them and do what it was they wanted aka stunting and forcing Louis to be with Eleanor and Harry have a "lady's image" since he was only 16 and Louis now looking back and realizing he should have fought harder. Louis at the time didn't realize how much all this would hurt Harry having to share Louis [once again Just a Little Bit of Your Heart is Harry's feelings about that] and its once he's older he realizes what he did to hurt the only one who he ever truly loved and it pains him to know he put his lover through that even if it wasn't Louis fault Harry went through that.

I've been looking back a lot lately me and you is all I've ever known. Oh I can't believe I gave in to the pressure. When they said a love like this would never last. I didn't know no better now I realize yeah I realize.

So similar to before he's saying Harry is all he's ever known and him giving in to the pressure was about agreeing to fake date Eleanor and allow them to be heavily closeted. Reflecting back on those days he regrets so much what he agreed to do. They said a love like this wouldn't last is their management/label not agreeing with them being together and how two boys in a boyband marketed towards young women won't last, they won't sell records as an out gay couple with Louis believing their lies for a bit and he now regrets ever thinking they were right. This is a reflection song of not understanding what he had when he was so young but he sees it clearly now and he will never let THEM win he loves Harry and won't ever let him go ever.

Walls:

These high walls, they came up short now I stand taller then them all. These high walls never broke my soul and I watched them all come fallin down for you.

The high walls he refers to is all the assholes who tried to break him, break Harry and tried to ruin his career out of spite. This is towards the ones who told him they would never succeed being as they are a committed gay couple. Louis for a time believed them when they said their love wouldn't last, no one will want to listen to their music as a gay couple but eventually he realized they were wrong and those walls he had up filling him with doubt and insecurities were broken down. He allowed his "high walls" to come down because Harry was worth the effort it took to bring them down.

So this one is a thank you for what you did to me. Why is it that thank you's are often bittersweet? I just hope I see you one day and you say to me, Oh.

This is what one calls a metaphor he does not mean a physical person he means the walls he had up for a long time making him feel so insecure bc of how some of the people around him that made him feel so worthless crushing his spirt for so long. The metaphorical person he is thanking for helping him become the person he is today is the wall he broke down. The hardships he dealt with when he was younger got him to where he is today.

For every question why you were my because

Why am I still fighting?

Why have I not given up yet?

The because to his question is his lover HERE is where he directly refers to his lover. Harry is someone who is worth fighting for and will always be one of the reasons he hasn't stopped fighting. He loves Harry more then anything and will fight until the day he can publicly hold his hand, publicly post pictures of them together, publicly go on dates and publicly declare his love for him.

Habit:

You're the habit that I can't break, you're the feeling I can't put down, you're the shiver that I can't shake, you're the habit that I can't break, you're the high that I need right now.

Written over and over throughout the song these are some of the most important lines he wrote about Harry. It's Louis way of saying even if he wanted to, even if it would be easier for him and Harry he can never let him go. Harry's version of this is in Adore You when he sings "You don't have to say you love me, you don't have to say nothing and you don't have to say you're mine. I'd walk through fire for you just let me adore you like it's the only thing I'll ever do." Harry is saying even if publicly you can never say you love me I know you do and I will do anything for you because I am madly in love and could never let you go. They both would go through hell along side each other then being partially happy and the other not being by their side. Harry is the only one he ever wants to spend his life with and no matter what hardships they are put through there is no scenario where being without each other is a better alternative.

I took some time 'cause I've ran out of energy of playing someone I heard I'm supposed to be but honestly, I don't have to choose anymore

The line of all lines he took time away bc he was tired of the facade of faking what makes him happy, faking loving some girl, faking being anything but himself. He's back now and knows without a doubt who he is and is proud of it. No more confusion, no more lies he loves a curly haired dimpled boy and no one will tell him he can't love him. Harry's version of this is the chorus of Lights Up "All the lights couldn't put out the dark, runnin' through my heart. Lights up and they know who you are, know who you are. Do you know who you are? Shine step into the light, shine so bright sometimes, shine I'm not ever going back." They both tell you they have figured out whi they are and are very proud of who they have become and no one will tell them they can't be anything but themselves. They WILL scream it out loud and proud letting everyone know who they love one day [as if 16 and 18 year old H&L didn't already do that.]

And it's been ages, different stages come so far from Princess Park. I'll always need ya in front of me, in front of me

Oh the line that shocked every larrie I know. When he first sang this song and we first heard this line at a live concert everyone was shocked because we all knew what their was only one meaning to it. It was such a drastic line that the Elounors tried to claim he sang Starbuck [until the official lyrics came out.] Princess Park is the name of the apartment/flat complex all of the 1D boys lived in after the Xfactor BUT Niall, Liam and Zayn had their own apartment/flat while Louis and Harry shared one and they always made it very clear to everyone they met that they lived together.

So in a love song Louis sings about how him and his lover have come so far since their Princess Park days and his lover will always be the one he needs. Putting Harry's fav love song Sweet Creature plus Louis line about his lover together it would read " And, oh, we started two hearts in one home, come so far [since] princess park. I'll always need you in front of me. Wherever I go you bring me home" you do the math here. Their lyrics sink up just as much as their tattoos do.

Always You:

I went to Amsterdam without you and all I could do was think about you and oh-oh-oh I should've known

The Amsterdam line one of those lines that can be fact checked and proven to not be for Eleanor. So Louis took Eleanor to Amsterdam for her birthday at a gay bar no less back in July/August of 2017. Then a week or two later wrote the song Always You leaking a snippet of it to us where the lines of him singing about how he went to Amsterdam without his lover and his lover was all he could think about were heard. If he went with Eleanor then clearly that isn't his lover but we know this. Fast forward 2020 Walls comes out and we FINALLY hear the full song of Always You.

Louis said he only put the song on the album because the fans wanted it but if it was just because of us and the song wasn't THAT important to him why did he leak those lines back in 2017 that could easily be fact checked that the lover he sings about isn't Eleanor? It's like he wanted us to know it's not for Eleanor this line is important. So the fact that almost 3 years later he still put the song out shows the song means a lot to him and even in 2020 the meaning of the song still resonates with him and how it will Always be THIS one person that means everything to him. Funny though how his loudest, easily fact checkable songs [to not be about Eleanor] are the ones he downplays the most about importance to him.

I went to Tokyo to let it go. Drink after drink, but I still felt alone I should've known

When it comes to this song the Amsterdam line is Louis speaking [because he went to Amsterdam without Harry] while the Tokyo line is Harry speaking [because Harry went to Tokyo without Louis] and after Harry came back from Tokyo, Japan Louis was seen wearing a ton of new clothes from Japanese clothing brands. This is both of them saying I may be in a wonderful new place but it's not the same without you here. They are sad and alone and would rather be with each other then traveling around the world.

I'm wastin' my time when it was always you, always you. Chasin' the high, but it was always you, always you

I think this is self explanatory he sees no reason to even think about being with someone else because he knows without a shadow of doubt [thinks he always knew deep down] it was always Harry. There was never going to be anyone else for him but Harry.

I went from LAX to Heathrow. Walked through my door, but it felt nothing like home cause you're not home. Waiting to wrap your legs around me

LA and London are their two main residences and places they tend to go back and forth a lot. When he "goes home" if Harry is not there Louis feels as though it doesn't really feel like home because home to Louis is wherever Harry is. They can travel all around the world, meet a ton of new people but no place and others will ever make them feel fully satisfied unless their lover is by their side.

Fearless:

Cashin your weekend treasures, for a suit and time a second wife. Now I'm not saying that you could have done better just remember that I, I've seen that fire alight.

The first line is a nod to the industry itself and how to get your "weekend tresures" [be famous and earn a lot of money] you have to put up a fake facade, acting and looking the way they want you to because in their eyes if you are not the conventional person Hollywood wants they believe you will not make them the money they desire because we all know they only care about money nothing else. At a cost of the real them they must put on a fake smile, go out there sing doing nothing unconventional and they will get money and fame.

The second line yes they are happily together and Louis doesn't want or believe Harry will find someone else but he has seen Harry when all of this gets to be to much and when Harry puts up a facade of I've never had an issue with all of this Louis reminds him that I've seen you when your not fine, it's ok to not always be fine and I am here for you when things are not rainbows and sunshine.

Tell me do you still remember feeling young? And strong enough to get it wrong in front of all these people? Just for tonight, look inside and spark that memory of you.

Refering back to Xfactor and early 1D days he's asking Harry if he remembers those days together back when they hadn't really gone through hardships yet and all the strength they had during their youth willing to take on the world together. He's asking him to bring that strength back and remember the younger version of himself. He's asking him to not give up because the younger him wouldn't want him to. It's been 10 years and they are still fighting, fighting as hard as they did when they were merely teenagers not knowing what lied ahead but wer happy as long as it meant they had each other in the end.

Now if happiness is always measured by the life we design, the car on the drive then you should feel better then ever but you know as well as I it's all lies.

This line speaks volumes as stated before with Fearless we have references to the industry and even just life in general. From the outside looking in they got money, fame, material things, they have it all and if deciding who is more happy in life was based on those things then they would win but Louis is telling Harry we both know that isn't the case. The industry isn't sunshine and rainbows, they treat people like shit and strip away everything about a person if they don't think their real self will sell. They only want to make a profit off them and don't care about how they feel about any of it. Everything is a lie the truth must be counseled.

Perfect Now:

You say to me your jeans don't fit, you don't feel pretty and it's hard to miss. I wish you could see my point of view as someone staring back at you.

This song is personally underrated to me I love this song. This song is so uplifting when you are feeling insecure and negative about yourself. Louis personally had a certain curly haired boy in mind when he wrote this. He's talking about Harry's insecurities with himself and Louis wishes Harry could see things from his view and how amazing and perfect Harry is to him.

Cause everybody is looking at you now. I guess some queens don't need a crown and I know why. Even when your tears are following now still someone, you're perfect now.

One of those it's definitely not for Eleanor moments. We all know [especially during fine line era] everyone was talking about Harry, knows his name and eyes turn to him when he walks in the room. Louis is so proud of Harry and is happy everyone else sees what he sees but Harry doesn't always see what others see in him and during those times where he is not already Louis is saying I will be right there with you. I am with you through the good and the bad because even when tears are running down his face Harry is still perfect to Louis.

Cause you're the only one when it's said and done. You make me feel like being someone good to you. Even at your worst you steal the scene.

No matter where life takes them, no matter how hard it gets Louis is reassuring Harry he will always be there by his side. At the end of it all when the final act is over and the curtain is closeting he will still be there because there will never be anyone else he wants to be next to at the end of all of this. Louis looks into Harry's eyes he watches all he does and is intrance wanting nothing more then being the one to be there when he is down and always being the who makes the pain go away even if for a moment.

Defenseless:

I hate to say, but I do we're sleeping on our problems like we'll solve them in our dreams. We walk up early morning and they're still under our sheets.

*Sigh* this is reality setting in things aren't perfect. In their line of work, being who they are, being a closeted gay couple things aren't going to be perfect 100% of the time. Most of the time they would rather ignore all the shit they are forced to indure but Louis realizes just ignoring it all won't make it go away he will wake up each morning next to Harry knowing those issues will always be around by neither fault of their own. He hopes one day they will get to be a happily open couple who posts pics online, goes out on public dates and gets to live the domestic life they always wanted but right now that just isn't their reality. Their reality is I can only look at you for more then 5 seconds or touch you when no one is around to notice.

Been up all night, all night running my lines but it's only the truth. Been up all night not sure how to say this right got so much to loose. / You just keep on building up your fences but I've been so defenseless.

Another metaphor here Louis wondering how to bring this up to Harry and not upset him. The last thing Louis ever wants is for him to be the reason Harry has a frown upon is wonderful face. Harry is more the one to bottle up and ignore the negative things while Louis is the more practical one and he knows he has a ton to loose [Harry and his love] if he doesn't go about this situation right.

No you don't have to keep on being strong for you and me acting like you feel no pain I know you do. And I can't get inside your head when you're lost in your pride but you don't have a thing to prove.

Harry is the one who bottles up his pain, puts on the fake smiles, and makes everyone believe he is perfectly fine. He acts like he can handle what he is forced to indure 100% of the time but Louis sees through that and just wants him to open up more. He knows Harry feels just as much pain as he does and wishes he wouldn't hide it and pretend everything is always fine. Louis wants to be able to help Harry through the pain and to let know he will always be there for him no matter what so don't pretend your always fine just to make others around him, make Louis feel better.

I hope I'm not asking to much just wanna be loved by you. And I'm to tired to be tough just wanna be loved by you.

Louis is tired of pretending, wishes everyone understood, wishes what he is asking for wasn't to much. All he wants is to be loved by Harry and live the domestic life he always invisioned with Harry and no one else but his live is not that simple.

Only The Brave:

Pour mercy, mercy on me, set fire to history. I'm breaking my own rules, I'm crying like a fool. It's a church of burnt romances and I'm to far gone to pray. It's a solo song and it's only for the brave.

I'm sure you understand Louis is gay but if you didn't this line right here is all you need to understand that. No straight man is going to write or sing those lines. He's gone down a path of self discovery and figuring himself out he knows he is and he is to far gone to turn back now but he has no desire to even if he could turn back. He is proud of who he is and doesn't care what anyone else thinks of him.

If the truth tell, darling, you fell, like their ain't enough dying stars in your sky. It's a tell tale and it's only hello, hello, no goodbyes.

It's only hello no goodbyes meaning the confusion, the is this for life between Louis and Harry questions are gone. They aren't turning back, they aren't saying goodbye, they are only saying hello to what lies ahead. The truth is clear, their story is clear, they fell for one another and Harry metaphorical speaking fell for Louis in a way where his star shines brighter then ever just by being with him.

Pour mercy, mercy on me, I'll fall upon my knees and they'll say, I told you so come on when you know you know. All the lonely shadows dancing from the cradle to the grave.

When you know you know they knew right from the start it's me and you until the end. Some won't agree but in the end that does not matter to Louis because he only cares about Harry being by his side. He will not apologize for falling in love he loves who he loves and that is it.

We Made It Directors Cut MV:

If the lyrics alone don't tell you the full story then the music video mini movie should. It sums up everything I explained. Louis being forced to do things he doesn't want, it effecting his relationship to the point their drowning [Harry in Falling MV] but manage to survive. Louis lover never speaking but the girl with ties to the evil one in charge does until eventually Louis breaks free from the man in charge controlling him and Louis finally gets to run away with his lover because he made sure they would make it in the end.

Ending:

Walls is about self discovery, learning to overcome your insecurities "breaking down your walls" no matter how hard it may be and Louis understanding he met the one at 18 and how Harry will always be worth fighting for, THEY will always be worth it bc they knew even as young as they were they were going to get married, have kids and grow old together. So you still want to tell me how any song on Walls is about a break up or Louis moving on from Harry because I certainly don't see it. Walls is Louis perspective on their 10 year relationship and his support and love towards Harry if you want Harry's perspective and his support and love toward Louis you would have to dive into HS and FL but that's a whole other analysis.

They have not given up on each other even if at times it would have been easier they didn't so I will never give up on them. They continue to fight I have been in this fandom supporting them for 10 years watching their continous fight and I will be here another 10 years supporting them if that is how long it takes for them to get the life they knew they wanted when they were only 16 and 18.

[set-phasers-to-whump]

burned

prompt: burned

whumpee: neal caffrey

fandom: white collar

hi! this fic does kinda mess with the meaning of the prompt...i went with “burned out” as a kind of interpretation bc i wasn’t feeling plain burns...anyway this might kind of suck but maybe it won’t? idk. enjoy??

Neal doesn’t know how long it’s been since he last slept. A few days, he figures, but that’s as precise as his burnt-out brain will allow him to get. He feels dead on his feet, but he’s doing his best to make it seem like he’s fine. 

“Morning, Peter!” he calls out to the agent, hurrying into the elevator behind him. “Beautiful weather today, huh?”

Peter looks at him, eyebrows raised. “Since when do you talk about the weather?”

Since I’m pretty sure if I stop talking I might fall asleep right here, Neal thinks. “Can’t I appreciate a little sunshine?”

He hopes it’s sunny out. Truthfully, he’d paid zero attention to the weather on his way to work this morning. It had been enough of a thing just getting his arms and legs to move when and where he wanted them. 

“You can,” Peter replies, as the elevator arrives. “Just didn’t seem like a very Neal topic of conversation.”

He shrugs, breaking away from Peter to make a beeline for the coffee machine. As he well knows, the coffee is fairly terrible, but it wakes him up marginally, so that he feels almost alive when he sinks down into a chair along with his fellow members of the White Collar division, listening to Peter give a morning briefing about their case. 

Neal doesn’t pay much attention. He knows this case inside and out, has been studying it virtually nonstop for the past...however many days it’s been since he last slept. He can’t stop thinking about it, can’t stop working on it. Something about it begs his full attention, and he knows part of it is just the constant desire to have Peter approve of his work, but there’s something else about it, too, something uniquely compelling, and he can’t bring himself to stop working on it, no matter how hard he tries. 

He can, however, not pay attention when there’s a whole room full of people talking about it. 

“Neal?”

He’s thinking about the strange lack of suspects, the high-profile witness…

“Neal. Neal. Hello? Neal.”

Finally, he snaps out of his thoughts. “Yeah?”

Peter shakes his head. “Never mind.” 

Neal tries his best to pay attention to the rest of the briefing, but it’s nearly impossible. The coffee is already wearing off, his eyelids feel like they’re made of lead, and his sluggish mind is currently only capable of focusing on one thing, which happens to be his own thoughts about the case, and not whatever it is Peter’s saying. 

The briefing ends, and Neal moves to stand up, sitting back down into his chair when a wave of lightheadedness hits him, at the exact same moment that Peter says,

“Caffrey. You stay back a minute.”

Neal looks up at Peter, who is now standing over him, looking very menacing. 

“What did I talk about in that briefing?”

He rubs a hand down his face, tries to focus his eyes, tries to focus his brain. He has absolutely no idea what Peter had been talking about. 

“The case?” he suggests, yawning with a force that makes his ears pop. He wishes his coffee cup wasn’t empty, wishes he had the strength to go refill it. 

“Nice try, Neal. What about the case?”

“I don’t know,” he mutters, sensing there’s no way around this. 

“Why not?”

He doesn’t want to admit it’s because he’s too tired to think. Doesn’t want Peter to know how much he’s been focusing on this case, which in the grand scheme of cases isn’t even that special. He doesn’t want Peter to know that he’s beyond exhausted, completely burnt out, and seemingly incapable of stopping to rest, for reasons unknown even to himself. 

“I was thinking about something else,” he says.

“What were you thinking about?” Peter asks, and sits down in a chair next to him. 

He shakes his head. “Nothing in particular. Just not very focused this morning. Sorry.” It’s as close to honest as he thinks he can get. 

“Can you look at me?”

What?

“Neal. Look at me.”

He raises his eyes, staring at Peter’s chin. 

“In the eyes, Neal.”

Very slowly, he meets Peter’s eyes, which scan his face with an intensity that really makes him want to look away. 

“Did you sleep last night?”

Neal looks away then, embarrassed at having been read so easily. 

“Neal. Have you slept at all in the past 24 hours?”

He shakes his head, blinks hard to force away the tears that, for some inexplicable reason, are forming in his eyes. He is so unbelievably tired, and he wants to sleep, kind of, and if he says that, Peter will just ask, why don’t you sleep? But he can’t sleep, he’s thinking too much to sleep, needs to solve this case too much to sleep, has to solve this case to prove something that he doesn’t have a name for, to himself, to Peter, to someone…

Peter’s hand is on his shoulder, steady and warm. Neal wants to lean into it, wants so desperately to stop, just for a moment, and rest. But he can’t. He pulls away, stands unsteadily, hand braced against the table when black spots dance in his vision. 

He makes for the door, at what he assumes is a normal pace, but by the time he gets there Peter is blocking the way. 

“I can’t -” he starts. “Can you move, Peter, please?”

Peter shakes his head. Neal wants to push him out of the way, but senses that’d be a bad idea. “Please just move.”

“Not until you tell me what’s going on with you. Why haven’t you been sleeping?” Peter asks, and his voice is horribly gentle and concerned and it makes the tears rise in Neal’s eyes all over again, and he can’t do this, he can’t - 

Peter’s hands are touching his arms, and there’s a silent kind of question there that Neal can’t bring himself to answer no to. He takes a shaky step forward, and then Peter’s arms are around him, and he can’t remember the last time he was hugged like this, and before he can stop himself or think the better of it he’s crying, really crying, face buried in Peter’s shoulder, and Peter is letting him cry, Peter is holding onto him, and then he’s gently sinking them to the floor, which is very welcome to Neal’s exhausted body. Peter’s hand moves in gentle circles on his back, and he’s saying things that Neal can’t quite hear, but his voice sounds kind and comforting, and Neal focuses on it for all he’s worth.

He has no idea how long they stay there, but at some point, he just stops crying. Peter lets him pull away, until Neal’s sitting back on his heels, feeling strangely more awake. “‘M sorry,” he says quietly, voice still thick with tears.

“What are you sorry for?”

He almost doesn’t speak, again. But he’s already cried on Peter’s shoulder, and it doesn’t get much more embarrassing than that. 

“I...haven’t slept in god knows how long. A few days? At least? And I don’t...don’t know why, it’s this case, but it’s not even that special, but something about it...I don’t know, I just...I just have to solve it, and I can’t stop thinking about it and I can’t sleep until we solve it…” he trails off, lost for anything else to say. 

“Neal,” Peter sighs, equal parts exasperated and fond. “We can solve this case.”

Neal shakes his head. “I need us to solve this case. Not just have the possibility to. I don’t know why, I just...need us to solve it.”

“And we will. But how are we supposed to do that if you’re too burned out to even pay attention during my morning briefing? I need all the members of my team at 100%, Neal, and like it or not, we’re only going to be able to solve this if you get some sleep.”

He...hadn’t really considered that. Hadn’t considered that his well-being might affect the other members of the team, might affect the outcome of the case…. He’d thought it was worth exhausting himself, if only to let himself figure this case out faster, but he has to admit, Peter may be onto something.

“I didn’t think about it like that,” he confesses. “I was just so focused on solving this case myself...I didn’t think about anything else.”

“You can’t let yourself do that, Neal,” Peter says, standing up. He extends a hand down to Neal, who takes it gratefully, leaning on Peter for support when they’re both back on their feet. “Not just because it makes our work harder, but because it’s hurting you. Regardless of whether or not having you exhausted makes us a worse team, it means you’re hurting. I don’t want you hurting yourself for a case, no matter how important it might be for you.”

Neal feels himself hovering on the edge of tears again, a combination of his reaction to Peter’s words and an effect of the sheer exhaustion weighing down on him. Before he lets himself get all weepy again, though, he takes a deep breath, and focuses as best as he can. 

“Thank you, Peter,” he says, hoping that his sincerity comes through the tiredness in his voice. 

“You can thank me by letting me drive you home,” Peter says firmly, checking his watch. “El’s at work, but she’ll be back around four-thirty. I’ll be back after five. And in the meantime, you can lie down on our couch and sleep.”

Neal is slightly baffled by this, but too tired to question Peter as the agent leads him out of the room. The Burkes’ couch sounds nice, if a little odd - why not his own couch, at his own house? But the Burkes’ couch is easy to fall asleep on, anyhow, and in a place that makes him think of family and safety and warmth...if Peter wants to take him there, he’s not going to object. 

Peter drives them to his and El’s house in a comfortable silence. Neal leans his head against the window, breath fogging up the glass, mind for once not on the case. There will be time to solve it later, he thinks, and wishes he had realized that sooner. He’d just been too caught up in it, too focused, to let himself rest. But now that that rest is being forced upon him, he’s realizing how badly he really wants it. 

A few minutes later, he’s lying on the Burkes’ couch, a warm blanket thrown over him and Satchmo asleep on the floor next to him.

“El will be home -”

“Around four-thirty,” Neal interrupts Peter, words slurring as sleep begins to take him over. “And you’ll be home after five.”

His eyes are closed, but he imagines Peter waving goodbye from near the front door. “Sleep well, Neal,” Peter says, and the door closes and locks. 

For the first time in days, Neal sleeps.

thanks for reading this!!! like i said i have no idea if it sucks ass or not but idk i cannot deny it was like real cathartic or some shit like that to write...whatever lmao. hope you enjoyed anyway!

[hartigays]

2 for Harringrove ??

2. “The thought of losing you scares me.”

(these are supposed to be fluff prompts but we going ✈️ end of the world anyway bc i can)

it’s been six months, eight weeks, and four days since their plan at starcourt failed. six months, eight weeks, and four days since the sky turned black and red and the world grew cold. six months, eight weeks, and four days since the gate blew open and effectively ended the world as they knew it.

six months, eight weeks, and four days since billy almost died in a pool of black sludge on the grimy linoleum floors of starcourt mall.

he’s doing better. most of his wounds were shallow, save for the few that went deep enough to nearly take his life. but doc owens had a house full of supplies to suture billy up like frankenstein.

even after owens deemed him fit for travel, they stayed there for a while. billy and the rest of the party. holed up in owens’ house, trying to figure out just how they could possibly ride this out.

two weeks into their stay, they came late at night. the demo-dogs, a whole swarm of them. the group defended the house as best as they could, but it was a lost cause. they were out on the open road by the what used to be considered sunrise.

time has ceased to have any real meaning anymore, if they’re being honest. there’s no morning or night, just darkness and a cold that seeps deep into their bones and refuses to go away.

the line between the two dimensions has been all but erased. the upside down has consumed their world; swarms of demo-dogs prowl the frozen wasteland, the mind flayer takes more and more people for its army each day.

they keep running. from city to city, state to state, just barely escaping the mind flayer’s grasp each time.

the kids don’t smile much these days. el is tired more often than not, weakened and drained from the constant use of her gifts. joyce doesn’t have many soft, kind words to lend out anymore. hopper has distanced himself from everyone, both physically and emotionally. standing guard and pacing around in the night on the fringes of wherever they’ve made camp.

and steve. steve doesn’t smile softly anymore, doesn’t make his goofy jokes or try to cheer the kids up. he just grips onto his bat, wound tight and always at the ready, constantly on high alert.

billy is surprised, given his near-death experience, that he’s actually not the most fucked up person in this broken group. he supposes he was built more for a world like this than most. he’d hardened himself to the world they knew Before. this one just seems to make more sense for someone like him.

violence has run in his blood since he’d exited the womb. fighting monsters and suffering from hunger and exhaustion and living in a world devoid of warmth and happiness apparently just comes naturally to him.

that isn’t to say that billy doesn’t have a lot of regrets. he regrets not telling max that he loved her more, Before. it feels odd to say it now, like maybe he’d only be saying it because they could die at any given moment.

he regrets not going back to california to see his mom when he had the chance. he regrets being cruel to the kids he now spends every waking moment protecting. he regrets convincing himself to waste his time with someone like karen wheeler, something he only did to bury the ugly truth about himself and his desires.

billy certainly regrets not being kinder with steve.

it’d be easier, if he had. it’d be easier to tell steve now that he loves him. it’s another situation where it just seems forced, like he’s only deciding this now when there’s no one left to choose from.

that could never be the case, but billy can’t see steve thinking otherwise. it’s just. billy didn’t let himself feel it for so long. his love for steve crept up on him, from the moment they first met. there was just something about him. and the more his feelings grew, the more afraid he became. the more he lashed out and repressed how he felt.

it feels like a lost cause now. but billy doesn’t quite think things like that carry the weight of any real importance, not anymore. not when they have to fight every day just to stay alive. so, he focuses on that. on finding food, water, shelter. on protecting the party, one day at a time.

billy has had to do a lot of protecting today. they had to pull up stakes at their last camp, another demo-dog pack blowing through. they lost a lot of stuff in the process - food and water, mostly. the demo-dogs seem to learn rather quickly what items to destroy along with the people.

they drove for nearly three days before finding a dilapidated motel in a small nebraskan town. billy, steve, and nancy help hopper do a sweep and clear out any demo-dogs hiding in the shadows. they set up a perimeter not long after.

hopper takes billy and steve on a run into town for supplies. it’s been nearly picked clean by either other survivors, or demo-dogs. they’re still prowling the streets when they arrive.

needless to say, it doesn’t go very well.

billy has to see doc owens immediately upon their return; his arm was nearly shredded by a particularly nasty dog. steve had sprung in at the last moment, beating the ugly bastard off of billy with his bat. now, steve nearly paces a hole in the floor while owens works on stitching billy up.

he doesn’t know why steve is so wound up tonight. they got enough supplies to satiate the whole group, especially the kids. it was a good run.

they’re sharing a room at the motel. no one sleeps alone - it’s one of their cardinal rules. billy heads to it after they eat. steve follows after him and slams the door shut so hard it rattles on its hinges.

“the fuck, harrington?” billy hisses, sitting up in alarm. “you trying to bring a pack of dogs down on us like it’s fuckin’ judgment day?”

“you almost died again.” it’s said with an air of finality. like billy should’ve already known the cause of steve’s upset.

“that’s life now, pretty boy,” billy sighs, rubbing his sleep-deprived eyes. “you really should learn how to get used to that.”

steve cuts him a glare. “you don’t fucking get it, do you?”

there’s obviously something that billy is missing here. he doesn’t quite understand what steve is so bent out of shape about.

“obviously not,” billy says, standing and moving to slip his shirt off before climbing into bed.

he doesn’t quite make it back into the bed. steve marches over and grabs his arm, stopping him before he has the chance.

“i can’t - i can’t lose you too,” steve tells him, his voice breaking. “i can’t watch you die. i won’t. the thought of you not being here, losing you, it just. scares the fuck out of me.”

billy swallows around the lump that has mysteriously formed in his throat. he doesn’t brush steve off when his hand slides down his arm, until it can grasp billy’s and tangle their fingers together. he’s pretty sure he stops breathing, though.

“you won’t,” he says, finally. “who else would keep your pretty ass out of trouble?”

“billy, i’m serious. you can’t keep putting yourself in danger like that. like you did today,” steve begs, squeezing his hand tight.

“that dog would’ve killed you if i hadn’t.”

“yeah, but it almost killed you!” steve cries, releasing billy’s hand to throw his up in exasperation.

“oh, what, so i’m supposed to let you die and just protect myself instead?” billy snaps, his voice raising an octave. “fuck off with that shit. you think you can’t handle a world without me in it? how the fuck do you think i’d feel if i lost you? you ever fuckin’ consider that?”

he’s borderline shouting now, and steve slaps a hand over his mouth, eyes wide with surprise. billy peels his hand off, taking a steady breath. laces their fingers together again.

“there’s never going to be a time where i don’t pick your life over mine,” billy tells him. “better get used to that, too.”

steve takes a deep breath of his own. he searches billy’s eyes, before squeezing his shut and leaning in. he rests his forehead against billy’s, just breathing together for a moment.

“i’m sorry,” steve says quietly, breaking the silence that has fallen between them.

“for what?” billy questions, his brows furrowing.

“for not doing this sooner.”

steve pulls him in and seals their mouths together. billy emits a soft noise of surprise, his eyes flying open. he feels frozen, like he’s not quite sure if this is really happening or not. but when steve starts to pull away, billy’s brain comes back online.

he yanks steve in closer, kissing him with every last bit of energy he has, and then some. steve’s hand leaves his, only for both of them to grasp onto billy’s shirt, fingers curling into the material. billy cradles steve’s face in his hands, holding him like he’s precious.

he kinda is, if billy hasn’t made that abundantly clear yet.

“i’m so fucking in love with you,” steve breathes when they break apart. “god, i can’t believe i haven’t said that until now. you’ve almost died like, five hundred times and i’ve never told you the most important thing that i could ever possibly say to anyone ever and -”

billy cuts him off, giving steve another kiss, this one warm and gentle. “it’s okay. i - yeah. i love you too. didn’t ever say it either.”

“guess that makes us both idiots.”

billy smiles running his fingers through steve’s hair. it’s long beyond reason, which is both sexy and dangerous.

“we need to cut this soon,” billy comments. “god forbid something grabs onto this damn mop while we’re out on a run.”

“i’ll let you cut mine if you let me trim your beard. it’s getting a little mangy,” steve offers, then makes a face. “god. is this what intimacy is in the apocalypse? cutting each other’s hair?”

billy snickers softly. “i think i have a few better ideas.”

“oh yeah? like what?”

taking steve’s hand, billy pulls him towards the bed farthest from the door, smiling softly. “i think it’d be better if i just showed you.”

steve pauses. and then, “oh, you mean right now?”

billy plops down on the mattress, reclining back on his elbows. he arches a brow. “what, you got somewhere to be, pretty boy?”

there’s only a split-second pause before steve is scrambling to straddle billy’s hips. steve smiles down at him, leaning down to kiss the tip of billy’s nose.

“nowhere but here, sweetheart.”

send me a number + a pairing!

[tropicalsuki]

Ugly Needs - Billy Hargrove x Hopper!reader

request: “One where the reader is Hopper’s daughter and dating Billy, and he starts getting abusive? Like maybe it starts with her coming home and him and El notice the bruise/s but she lies and then EI, and Max and the rest of the gang figure it out and try to help her bc she’s in denial bc she loves him. I was just thinking some girl power and maybe some protective Hopper haha” - anon

warnings: fem pronouns, cursing, lots of angst, abusive relationship, physical assault and implied sexual scenes, making out, slight fluff (between reader and family)

word count: 3,640

A/N: I really loved this request! Despite the not fun subject, it was fun to write. I’ve seen up close the denial that comes with abusive relationships, so it was interesting writing about Billy from that point of view. I got a few other Billy request but I decided not to do them because they painted him as a good dude. Also, the title is based on the song Ugly Needs by Miniature Tigers. I highly recommend giving it a listen!

Update: PART TWO

 ----------

The lights were still on when you got home.

You hoped that meant your dad fell asleep watching tv and forgot to turn out the lights. 

You feared it meant your dad was up, waiting to make sure you got home safely.

Making your way onto the porch of the small cabin, you slowly turned the knob and pushed open the door, cringing as it creaked loudly. Hopper was passed out in his reclining chair, snoring loudly. You let out a sigh of relief, closing the door behind you and tiptoeing to your bedroom which you shared with El. 

El was up, reading a comic book under her reading light. She glanced up as you entered and gave a slight smile before quickly returning to her story. You walked over to your dresser and pulled out a t-shirt, glancing at El to make sure she wasn’t looking before attempting to strip off the dress you had on. 

It hurt to lift your arms high enough to take it off, so you struggled with the fabric for a moment, catching El’s attention. As you tossed the dress onto your bed, El eyed the giant bruises on your arms and back. It wasn’t the first time you’d come home like this. 

“You’re hurt.”

El’s words made you freeze.

“What? Oh, it’s nothing. I just fell off my bike on the way here,” you said quickly. 

“I think you’re lying,” El narrowed her eyes. You mimicked her expression, “I think you’re nosy.”

“Where were you?” 

“I told you and Hop before I left. I was out with Billy.”

“Did he hurt you again?” 

You were starting to get upset with all her questions, “again? there never was a first time! And seriously, Eleven? You sound like Dad. You hate when he asks about you and Mike, so just let it go? okay?”

El realized she had made you mad and just nodded, silently going back to her comic book. You sighed, pulling a large t-shirt over your head and collapsing on your bed. Sleep didn’t come easy; your mind replaying what happened with Billy earlier in the evening.

You followed Billy into his house, laughing at something he said. He closed the door behind you, cloaking you both in darkness, before pulling you into a kiss. 

“Is any of your family home?” you asked quietly, letting him back you against the door.

“I don’t know and I don’t care,” Billy whispered in your ear, making you shiver. Despite how you felt, you knew it was a bad idea to do anything while his dad or sister was in the house and most likely still awake. 

“I should head home. My dad doesn’t want me out too late,” you said, gently moving him away, but he came right back, trailing kisses down your neck. 

“Can’t you stay a little longer? I’m sure no one will mind,” he said. 

You let out a breath, trying to control your thoughts. “I really can’t, Billy. But I’ll see you first thing tomorrow,” you assured, going to move past him, but he suddenly grabbed you and roughly shoved you against the door.

“Billy-,” you winced as a pain shot up your spine. 

“No. You’re staying. And don’t try to argue with me,” Billy stated in a hushed tone, his breath hot on your neck. 

“Please, I need to go,” you spoke lightly, trying not to upset him. 

Billy’s grip on your arms tightened and it felt like he was crushing you. “You want to stay, Y/n,” he said, “don’t you?”

You decided he wasn’t going to change his mind, so you stayed, and let him drag you into his room. 

-

The next morning, El was at Mike’s house, the entire party hanging out in his basement. Lucas, Dustin, Will, and Mike were arguing over something involving Mortal Kombat, but El wasn’t listening. 

“Max, can I ask a question?” she asked. Max looked over at her and nodded, “yeah, what’s up?”

“It is about Y/n. She came home last night covered in bruises. She says she fell off a bike but I think she lies,” El told Max, who listened carefully. 

“Was she with my brother last night?” Max asked. El nodded.

Max sighed, “I don’t think it was a bike accident. She’s probably just too embarrassed to tell you the truth. If she was with Billy, then don’t worry about it. It’s normal,” she answered, hoping El would understand what she was trying to say. 

“You mean Billy hurts her?” El looked upset. 

“No! I mean, not like that. Uh, you remember when I told you about happy screams? Well, there’s happy pain too. I hear Y/n and Billy in his room, like, all the time,” Max explained awkwardly. 

“Happy pain?” El frowned. 

“Yeah. Um, I’ll explain it better when we’re alone,” Max said.

-

You woke up to the smell of pancakes. It was uncommon your dad got up early enough to make breakfast, so you jumped out of bed and changed clothes, doing your hair and makeup as fast as you could.  You passed by the mirror and froze, realizing the dark purple marks on your arms were very noticeable. Looking around quickly, you threw on the closest sweater and walked into the main room. 

“Hi Dad,” you greeted, walking past him to grab a plate.

“Hey. What time did you get home last night? I tried to stay up but you took so long,” Hopper replied as he sipped his coffee. 

“Around 12... where’s El?” you asked, realizing she wasn’t home. 

“With Mike,” your dad answered grumpily, making you laugh. 

“Of course she is,” you smiled and sat down across from him with your plate full of pancakes, “so what made you decide to be a good father and cook for once?” you teased.

“ouch,” Hopper acted hurt, “well, it was El’s idea, actually. She told me you weren’t feeling well when you got home, so I hoped this would cheer you up.”

You wanted to smack El, but unfortunately she wasn’t around. You forced a smile on your face, “that’s sweet, but she’s overreacting. I was just tired.”

“You sure?” your dad eyed you carefully. 

“I’m sure.”

Hopper just nodded, watching you finish your breakfast. You got up, dropping the plate in the sink, “well, I’m going to the mall to get Billy a present, our one year anniversary is tomorrow,” you reminded your dad happily. 

Hopper did not share in the happiness. “I see. Have fun,” he nodded simply. 

You sighed, knowing he disliked Billy even more than he did Mike. 

“I’ll see ya,” you patted his head as you passed, quickly grabbing your bag and heading out the door. 

-

Since is was the opening summer of the Starcourt Mall, there was rarely a day when it wasn’t packed with people. You pushed your way through the crowds towards the clothing stores but stopped when you saw Steve behind the counter at Scoops Ahoy. 

“Steve!” You smiled, walking into the shop. 

Steve returned the smile, “Ahoy, Y/n! What brings you here to our voyage of flavor?” he said jokingly, making you laugh. 

“I’m here getting a gift for Billy. Our anniversary is tomorrow,” you explained. Steve’s smile dropped, “oh, right. You’re still dating Billy... the guy who beat me up.”

You rolled your eyes. “That was ONE time,” you teased. 

“Whatever you say... what are you gonna get?” Steve asked. 

“I don’t know yet. What do you recommend?” you asked back, leaning against the counter. 

Despite his loathing towards Billy, Steve loved being around you, and so he milked this opportunity to tell you all about his favorite stores, throwing in some jokes to see you laugh.

“Alright, that was actually really helpful! Thanks, Steve,” you smiled and said goodbye before heading out and towards the escalator. 

You always felt bad whenever Steve or the kids brought up what Billy did to Steve. You didn’t understand why they hated him so much for just one mistake. Underneath the hard exterior was a kind soul, and Billy was never violent towards you. Well, not until recently. He had always been physical, but that was just how he expressed himself. Over the past two months, Billy had gotten worse; he would hit you when you made him mad, and would force you to do things you didn’t want to. But you still loved him... he was just going through some things. 

Your friends called that a bullshit excuse, but it was the truth; he wouldn’t hurt you for no reason. 

After an hour of walking around the mall trying to decide what to get, you settled on a new Walkman and a few cassettes of a band you knew he loved. As you headed to the front entrance of the mall, you glanced up at the giant clock and realized you were supposed to get lunch with Billy at 11. It was currently 11:45. 

You knew he had probably left the restaurant by now, so you ran to the closest phone booth and dialed the number to his house. It rang for a few rounds before you heard his voice, “hello?”

“Billy! It’s Y/n. I’m so so sorry... I lost track of time at the mall and I truly didn’t mean to stand you up,” you explained quickly, scared he would be upset with you. 

“Hey, calm down. It’s ok, I understand. Why don’t I come pick you up?” Billy said through the phone, making you smile and lean against the wall with relief. “Yeah, that would be great,” you answered. 

You waited for Billy outside and quickly stood up when you saw his Camaro come around the corner.  He stopped by the curb and waved to you as you ran over and dropped into the passenger seat. 

“Hey! Thank you for picking me up, I really am so-,” you started with a smile but was cut off by him slapping you hard across the face. You let out a small noise, your hand flying to your cheek. It stung like mad and you looked at Billy with wide eyes. 

“That’s for making me look like an idiot sitting at the diner for half an hour,” Billy stated simply as he shifted gears and sped away from the mall. 

You just nodded, not wanting to anger him any further. A few minutes passed before Billy glanced over at you and sighed, reaching for your hand and making you involuntarily flinch. He frowned and grabbed your hand in his, “hey, look at me.”

You slowly looked over at him as he stopped at an intersection. Billy turned to you, “I love you. You know that right?”

You nodded, “I know.”

“Come here,” he shifted closer and leaned in to kiss you. You hesitated before meeting halfway and pressing your lips to his. 

The light turned green and he pulled away, not letting go of your hand. You watched him for a moment with a small smile, the pain in your cheek ebbing away, “I love you too.”

-

The following evening was your one year anniversary with Billy. Your father was out working all night and El was at a sleepover with her friends, and so you invited Billy over to your place for the evening. 

You set up a fancy dinner with candles and a playlist you made for the occasion, as well as your favorite movie waiting in the VCR. There was a knock on the door at exactly 9, and you ran over to answer it. 

Billy was waiting on the front porch, leaning against the post with a cigarette between his lips. You couldn’t help but admire how good he looked. “Billy,” you breathed with a smile. 

“Y/n,” Billy smiled back as he pushed himself off the post and over to you, “you look beautiful.”

You blushed at his words, “thank you... come inside! I made dinner but I suck at cooking so we could always just order pizza,” you rambled as you pulled him inside. 

“I’m sure it’s amazing,” Billy replied, setting a small box down on the table.

You closed the door and turned to him, “but we don’t have to eat right now. In fact, I’d rather not.”

Billy smirked at you, “what would you rather do?” 

You just made your way over to him and backed him against the wall, “whatever you want.”

Billy immediately pulled you into a passionate kiss and you wrapped your arms around his neck. He lifted you up and set you down on the kitchen counter, not breaking the connection. 

“We can go to my room,” you suggested between kisses. Billy shook his head, “there’s no reason. We can stay right here.”

And so you did. 

-

El was with the party at Will’s house, hanging out in his living room. The six kids were sat in a circle, a piece of paper with a list of names placed in front of them. 

“Are you ok with this, El? We don’t have to play,” Mike worried as Dustin spun a pen and watched as it landed on Mr. Clarke’s name.

El nodded, “I’m fine.”

“Mr. Clarke?! He’s so boring,” Lucas complained. “Yeah, spin it again,” Will said. 

Dustin spun the pen again and it landed on Billy. 

“Uh, we don’t have to do him. He’s no fun. Plus, he’s with Y/n right now so you might, like, see something gross,” Max said quickly, not wanting to know what her brother was up to. 

“Come on! It’ll be fun to see what they’re doing!” Dustin insisted. The other boys echoed their agreement. 

Max rolled her eyes, “whatever, go ahead, but don’t blame me if El sees something weird.”

“It’ll be fine,” El assured, grabbing her blindfold and tying it around her head while Dustin turned up the static radio. 

They all watched her carefully, waiting for her to tell them what was happening. 

El opened her eyes and was surrounded by nothingness. A couch appeared a ways away and you and Billy were sitting in your underwear and talking with one another, both sweaty and tired.

“They’re just talking,” El said, unaware at what had just taken place. 

“About what?” Lucas asked. El shook her head, “I don’t know. I need to get closer.”

El walked closer and their works became more clear. 

“I can’t believe it’s been a year,” you said happily and kissed him before getting up to retrieve the hot chocolate you made out of the microwave.

“The best year of my life,” Billy smiled, watching you carefully and taking in the view. You grabbed the two mugs and started back to the couch, but as you got close, your foot caught on the rug and you tripped, sending the scalding hot chocolate to spill all over Billy. 

“Shit!” Billy yelled, jumping up and grabbing the closest blanket to wipe it off, his face going red from either pain or anger. 

“Billy, I’m so so sorry! Let me get you some water,” you started quickly towards the kitchen. Billy suddenly picked up the mug and chucked it in your direction. You ducked and the mug shattered against the wall behind you, making El flinch. 

“What? What happened?�� Mike demanded. El didn’t answer him. 

You slowly stood back up, turning to Billy and backing away as he started towards you. You backed right into the shattered mug, stepping on the shards.

“Billy, please, I’m sorry!” you pleaded, cringing at the pain in your foot. 

Billy grabbed your arm roughly, “look at my chest! I probably got third-degree burns from that shit!” he said angrily. 

You looked up at him, scared, and tried to pull your arm away but he dug his nails into your wrist, making you cry out in pain. Tears were building up in your eyes, “Billy, please.”

Billy lifted his other hand and El ripped off her blindfold as soon as he made contact.

“What happened?!” Mike asked again, worried by El’s scared expression. 

“See, I told you they were gonna be doing something gross,” Max started but El shook her head. 

“He hurt her!” She said angrily, wiping the blood from her nose. 

“What?” Will and Max asked at the same time. 

“Billy. He hit her. Threw things at her,” El told them, getting up off the floor. 

“Woah, slow down. You need to tell us everything that you saw,” Lucas got up with her and the others followed. 

El quickly told them everything that played out, and soon the whole group was just as pissed as she was. 

“I don’t understand. You said she’s been coming home with bruises for over a month. Why hasn’t she told anyone?” Mike asked, not getting why she would lie about it. 

“Maybe Billy threatened her,” Max suggested. 

“We need to tell Hopper,” Dustin decided. 

“No! Absolutely not! Hopper is batshit insane and we need a voice of reason,” Mike said quickly, knowing Hopper would freak if he found out. 

“What about my mom?” Will spoke up and Lucas nodded, “Ms. Byers will know what to do.”

The six kids ran to Joyce’s room to wake her up and tell her what happened. 

-

An hour later, Max and El showed up at Hopper’s cabin with Joyce waiting in the car. They decided it would be best if just the three of them went, and so the boys stayed behind. El opened the door the find you sitting alone on the couch, watching a movie in a long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants. The room was exactly as it was before El left and nothing seemed out of place. The dim lighting made it hard to see the black eye growing on your face.

You looked up and frowned at the two of them, “El? What are you doing home so early?” 

“Where’s Billy?” El demanded. 

“What? He left like 15 minutes ago. Hop said he couldn’t stay past midnight,” you explained, not knowing why they were all here. 

El reached over and turned on the lights, making you wince at the sudden brightness.

“Your eye,” El said, looking at you sadly. 

You quickly tried to think of an excuse but Max cut you off, “we saw what happened.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?” you stood up, eyeing the young teens. 

“El spied on you and saw what Billy did,” Max stated. 

You turned to your adopted sister, a mix of fear and anger washing over you, “you WHAT? You spied on me! Are you psycho?!”

“Billy hurt you. He’s been hurting you,” El said, ignoring your raised voice. 

You looked ready to cry, not prepared to face what was happening, “you have no right to spy on me like that!”

“You’re avoiding the real point, Y/n. Billy is abusive. I know what it’s like,” Max said softly and you shook your head, backing away.

“We want to help,” El said, walking towards you but you held up a hand to make her stay away. 

You were at a loss of words, not knowing how to explain to them why you didn’t need help, and so you said the first thing that came to mind, “please don’t tell Dad.”

El and Max didn’t respond to that. “Why didn’t you tell anyone? Why did you lie?” Max questioned. 

“Because... because I love him! I love him so much, and he loves me. And I know he wouldn’t hurt me for no reason. He’s just struggling with some things and he needs me,” you explained, fighting back tears. 

Max couldn’t help but be annoyed, “bullshit! Billy doesn’t love anyone. He’s manipulative and cruel and he doesn’t love you!”

You glared at her, “yes he does! You two have no idea what it’s like to be in a serious relationship! You can’t say shit!”

El had made her way close to you during the conversation and placed a gentle hand on your arm; you flinched at the touch. El frowned, “what has he done to you?”

You pulled your arm away and froze when you heard a car pull up to the cabin, fear evident in your eyes. 

“Please, please don’t tell Dad,” you begged, running to the window and watching as Hopper got out of his car and was stopped by Joyce. 

“What is Ms. Byers doing here? What is she telling him?” you demanded even though you already knew the answer. 

“Y/n, you need help,” Max said gently. 

You saw your dad glance towards the window and nod at something Joyce said before started towards the door. As he entered, you looked at him with wide eyes, scared he would be mad at you. 

But instead of being, Hopper just quickly made his way over to you and pulled you into the warmest hug you’ve felt in a long time. He didn’t say anything, but the way he held you tight made you feel so safe, and all the tears you’ve been bottling up for the past two months came out at once. 

You sobbed into Hopper’s arms as he hugged you close. It was hard for him not to drive directly to Billy’s house and beat the shit out of him, but Joyce insisted he went to you first. 

“Hey, we’re here now. I’m here,” your dad said gently, not knowing what else to say. 

You clung to Hopper, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. You don’t need to apologize for what happened to you,” he assured. El came over and laid a hand over yours, saying nothing. 

Hopper felt like it was his fault for not noticing the signs earlier, but looking back on it, everything made sense, and all he could do now what comfort you.

And beat the shit out of Billy, which he was definitely going to do.

-

End. 

PART TWO

[ificanthaveu]

Love, Change and The DropBack || The DropBack || Shawn Mendes

Description: After Shawn finally confronts you about what’s going on between the two of you, you find yourself going to the one person you know will know what to do. David.

A/N: here it is my babes. grab ur tissues. I got choked up while writing this. honestly I'm too connected to this story and I want it to go on forever and ever but unfortunately, there are only two parts left after this :( but I hope you love this so so much bc I really loved writing this chapter...also we love Alex. college boys am I right?

Word Count: 2.6k

This is part 8 of a series! Catch up before you read this part!

Shawn was never someone to get mad. He brushed everything off so easily. But as he slammed the door behind him after you left, it hit him how mad he was.

But how could he be mad? It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t your fault. It was just how life was right now. And it sucked.

He stormed up to his room and tugged at his hair as he paced back and forth. Not knowing if he should’ve chased after you, tried harder, made you stay.

He finally sat on the edge of the bed and rested his head in his hands, trying to rub the headache away. 

He was clicking on Matthew’s contact before letting himself think too much.

“Hey, man, what’s up?” Matthew said happily through the phone, like always.

“I don’t know,” Shawn mumbled. He sighed and laid back on his bead. “I don’t know what the fuck is going on.”

“What’s going on? Isn’t [Y/N] with you?” Matthew questioned.

“She just left,” he said quietly.

“Why? What happened?”

“I think I fucked up,” he paused and took a deep breath. “We were talking about college and the future and..” he trailed off, “us. We were talking about us. And then we were fighting. And then she cried and she left.”

“She cried?” Matthew said with a concerned voice.

“Yeah, she cried,” Shawn said feeling the guilt hit him.

“Do you know if she went home?” Matthew asked.

“I don’t know. She just left,” Shawn said.

“Listen, Shawn, this isn’t your fault,” Matthew started.

“It sure does feel like that,” he mumbled.

“Cut that out. You know all that [Y/N] has been through. She doesn’t take stuff like this very easily. She just needs time. She’s not just never going to talk to you again. She’ll take a minute. Take a step back. Figure everything out. And then she’ll come back. She doesn’t leave people very easily,” Matthew explained.

“Should I call her?” Shawn said quickly.

“No. Don’t,” Matthew said just as fast. “Let her think this through and figure things out. She’ll be calling you before you know it.”

“I hope,” Shawn mumbled, turning to lay on his side, glancing at his open laptop with a picture that Elsie took of him lifting you up in the air with you laughing and a big smile on his face at a playoff game a few weeks ago. “Can I tell you something? You can’t tell anyone. Not Elsie. Not [Y/N]. Definitely not [Y/N]. No one.”

--- 

You felt your eyes start to close about an hour into the drive when you remembered that you definitely didn’t sleep last night and hadn’t had an ounce of caffeine yet. You found the nearest cafe and ordered a coffee-to-go. You found a seat at a table near the pick-up counter and looked at your phone for the first time all day. You couldn’t tell if you wanted to see Shawn’s name on the screen or not. It wasn’t.

You pushed the feelings back again and typed out a quick message to Elsie, but you couldn’t figure out what even to tell her. So, instead, you just called her.

She picked up on the second ring, “Hey, are you ok?”

“No,” you mumbled.

“What’s wrong? Where are you? Aren’t you with Shawn?” she asked. 

You looked around at the cafe, “To be honest, El, I have no idea where I am. Some cafe on the freeway heading southbound.”

“Are you going to see David?”

“You know me too well.”

“So, I’m assuming things with Shawn didn’t go so well,” she said softly, in that concerned voice you rarely heard come from her.

“No, they didn’t,” you said simply, not wanting to relive it quite yet. 

“David will know what to say,” Elsie said.

“He always does,” you said. The woman called out your name and set your iced coffee down on the counter. 

“I’ve gotta go, El. I’ll call you when I’m home,” you said as you stood up from your table.

“And when will that be?” she asked. 

“Um, either before dinner or in two to three days,” you said, grabbing your coffee and making your way back to your car. 

“You do what you have to do. I’ll be waiting here when you’re done,” she said. 

“You’re the best. I’ll talk to you soon, bye,” you hung up the phone and hopped back into your car. 

You pulled up your text messages with your mom and sent out a quick text letting her know you last minute decided to go visit David. 

You were on the road again in less than fifteen minutes, taking the all too familiar route to your brother’s apartment a few blocks away from the main campus. 

Your mind stayed empty for most of the ride. Your hands would shake every once in a while, mostly whenever you let yourself feel guilty and regretful. Before you were able to let yourself think too far into it, you were pulling up in front of David’s.

You hadn’t told him you were coming because you knew if you did, he’d be sending you home to go fix things. And you weren’t ready to fix things.

You knocked harshly on his apartment door and crossed your arms while you waited for him. The door swung open, and you were met with his roommate Alex. He gave you a confused look.

“[Y/N]? I didn’t know you were visiting this weekend,” he said with a smile as he let you in. You tried to return the smile and followed him inside. “How are things going?” he asked.

You shrugged your shoulders and looked at him, “They’ve been better.”

He nodded in agreement before shuffling into the kitchen.

“Hey, who was at the-“ David cut himself off as he looked at you.

He could tell you hadn’t slept from a mile away. He could also tell that you had been crying. 

“Oh no,” he mumbled. Without saying another word, he had an arm wrapped around you, leading you to the balcony on the far end of his apartment. He shut the door behind him and pulled you in for a tight hug as you cried into his chest. You were really feeling the regret now.

“You’re fine. You’re going to be ok,” he whispered as he patiently waited for you to stop crying. In the meantime, Alex had cracked the door open and handed David a few waters and a beer (“whatever one she’s feeling”).

After a few minutes, you pulled away and sat across from David on the half-broken lawn chairs. He handed you the water, and you took a few drinks before trying to control your breathing.

“What happened?” David asked softly. 

You sighed and wiped your face before saying, “Shawn. Shawn Mendes happened.”

David sighed and crossed his arms. “I swear to God if he broke your heart-“

You cut him off. “No, Dave. I broke his,” you said a little too harshly. 

“I’m going to need a little more detail.”

You let out a huff and pulled your leg to your chest, resting your chin on your knee. 

“He really likes me,” you said as you looked over at David and your tears started to well up again. “And I think I really like him, but I can’t even tell what these feelings are. And he wants to go to Penn State which is so far from here, and I got this feeling in my gut that I’ve never felt before. Like I was going to lose him. But I barely even have him? Like it’s only been two months, and he’s all ready to move back to the east coast. Just like that.”

David shrugged his shoulders and nodded along to what you were saying.

“And then we were fighting,” you stopped talking and looked out past the balcony, trying to admire the campus that was going to be yours in less than a year. 

“Fighting about what?” David questioned.

You looked at him and your mind went blank, “I don’t know,” you whispered before shaking your head. “Everything? College and what we are and the future and my life plans and home and everything, David. It was everything,” you said as you buried your head in your hands again and tried to breathe. 

David reached our and rubbed your back as you composed yourself and started talking again.

“I can’t do this,” you said a little angrily. “This wasn’t the plan. I was going to get through my senior year with Elsie and Matthew, and I was going to graduate and come here and start my future. On my own. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Plans change,” David said simply.

“This one wasn’t supposed to. Everything is always changing, and this was supposed to be the one thing that didn’t,” you choked out as your throat went dry.

“What do you mean?” He pried.

“I mean that we’ve been between two houses for as long as I can remember. That Mom and Dad can’t even be in the same room when at some point they used to be in love. Those shitty friends I had freshman year that used to mean everything to me until they ruined me. Every style I have ever had. Any number on your football jersey. Transferring schools in the middle of third grade. Splitting up clothes between two houses or having to pack to go to what was supposed to be a home to us. One minute, Mom’s there, the next she’s not. Same with Dad. You’re here. And you’re not back home. It all is always changing, and I thought my senior year would finally be different, but it wasn’t,” you said, trying not to shout as you got angry. 

“And I don’t think I even know what love is,” you said, annoyed. “Because apparently Mom and Dad had none of that.”

“They did at some point,” David reminded you.

“But it wasn’t forever,” you reminded him. “What if love isn’t actually forever? What if I risk it all for him and then it’s two years later and I don’t feel the same way anymore?” you said softly, and paused before you said what you were actually scared of. “What if I’m just not capable of love?”

“[Y/N], is that really what you think?” David said with that concerned big brother look on his face.

“What if I’m just not meant to fall in love?”

“You’re eighteen. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you.”

“You’ve only had one girlfriend, and you dumped her after five months because she told you that she loved you and you didn’t feel the same way,” you said as you pointed at him.

“That’s irrelevant.”

“Is it? Because it sounds to me like you weren’t in love.”

“I wasn’t, but that doesn’t mean I never will be,” he said calmly.

“But what if?”

“The world is full of what-ifs. You can’t base every decision off of that,” he said as he motioned with his arms.

“What if we never learned to really love because of Mom and Dad? Have you ever thought about that?” You asked him.

“Yeah,” he said quietly, “For a long time. But I realized I’m young. And I know what’s meant for me will come when the time is right.”

You scoffed and leaned your head back on the chair, closing your eyes for a moment. 

“Are you scared?” He said as he watched you carefully.

“Terrified,” you whispered.

It went quiet for a few minutes. The only things you could hear were the cars driving below you, an occasional shout from the apartment next door and Alex watching some show in the living room. 

“I remember when Dad stormed out that one night, a few weeks before they told us they were getting a divorce. And Mom wouldn’t leave her room, no matter how many times we knocked. You eventually found your way into my room and we laid on my bed and just stared at those dumb plastic glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. I asked you if you were scared. And you said no,” he recalled. 

“I don’t remember that,” you said.

“I’ll never forget it,” he said as he stopped looking at you for a minute. “You’ve never been scared of anything. You’ve always taken change head-on and pushed through it. And even if you were scared, you always hid it. No one ever knew. When Mom and Dad got divorced, I’d have to be the one to ask your teachers how you were doing since Mom and Dad clearly weren’t doing anything. But they always said the same thing. You were doing just fine. Yeah, sometimes you were dramatic,” he paused as you rolled your eyes and he laughed at you, “but you always carried on. To see you visibly scared because of your feelings for Shawn, now that’s what scares me.”

“What do I do?” You said under your breath.

“You have to make a decision. You’re the quarterback. You were just handed the ball. What are you going to do with it?” David asked.

“Well, I was going to run, but now everything - everyone - is right in front of me, and I’m probably about to fumble it,” you mumbled.

“There are always other options,” he said.

“Like what, Dave?” You asked, entertaining his analogy.

“Sometimes when you don’t see the opening you want or initially planned on, you’ve just gotta drop back and go for it,” he paused, “and not think about those other players coming at you. It’s you, the ball, and the wide receiver sprinting down the field.”

You just looked at him with your eyebrows knit together. 

“[Y/N], if you have these feelings for Shawn, it doesn’t matter about the other factors that are clouding in front of you. The schools, our parents, graduation, the future. None of it matters except for you, Shawn and the feelings you two clearly have for each other,” he said as he leaned forward in his seat and rested his elbows on his knees. “Elsie, Matthew and I are on your team, and we can try to fend off these factors as long as we can, but we’re losing momentum. Time is ticking. Those factors are coming closer and becoming more real. But Shawn is down that field, waiting for you to realize he’s open and to throw that ball to him, so he can make another one of his multiple, amazing touchdowns,” he paused, and you laughed at him. “You have to throw him the ball because if you fumble it, you’re definitely losing this game. But if you throw it, and Shawn catches it, then you have that much greater of a chance of winning it.”

You didn’t say anything for a minute as you let this all sink in. 

“You’re right,” you mumbled as you kept staring forward.

You heard him laugh before he said, “Like always.”

You let yourself smile a little as you looked back at him.

“Mom and Dad really fucked us up, huh?” He said with a smile.

You rolled your eyes at him and pressed your cheek to your knee. 

“We sure had some great love role models,” you mumbled with an eye roll.

“But you’ve got Elsie and Matthew,” he reminded you.

You nodded your head, “Yeah, they like to remind me of that a lot.”

The two of you sat in silence for a while, just staring at the fall colors around you.

“So, what’s the plan?” He asked after a few moments of silence. 

“I’m going to drop back. I’m going to go for it. I have to.”

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[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#21)

Things are really heating up!! This is my post for 4x10 + 4x11~

Tami really is the Mother of Dillon; Tim brings Becky to Tami when he doesn’t know what to do about her pregnancy like damn 😭

Ah Big Mary finally came around to the field?! It’s kinda really endearing that a bunch of the old East Dillon alumni are sitting watching the practice now after how this season started

Ugh I recently watched when Karen thought Lucas got Brooke pregnant and slapped him on one tree hill; this Becky scene with her mom has the same energy. The whole teen moms not wanting their kids to make the same mistake trauma ahhh it’s A Lot

Ohhh no did Vince’s mom relapse?!?! Young Michael B. Jordan at his mom’s bedside is so good damn 😭

Fuck Texas law for forcing this doctor to tell Becky the age of the fetus. She wants the abortion! This doctor would be a true hero if he didn’t follow that law. “Supposed to listen to some right wing doctor?!” Same.

God fucking dammit the state facility waiting lists are too long to take Vince’s mom! The system is set up to fail Black and Brown families.

Eric Taylor’s friendship with Big Mary is so funny to me. “You’re telling me I can’t coach the kid because I’m not black.” Eric, that is certainly not what he said I can’t with you

The Riggins brothers are gonna BURY stripped car frames?!

Ew I hate Ryan. And Eric does too.

DEDDDD

Like I truly cackled through this whole scene omfg

Damnnnn Jess having some madddd feels about Big Mary treating Vince like a son 🥺 poor girl

LMAO Tami way to scare the living shit out of Eric waking him up at 3 am with a sentence that includes a hypothetical Julie pregnancy

“This is the stupidest thing we’ve ever done.” Gotta agree with you on that one, Tim. (Also they’re having a real ass talk while burying these car frames!!!!! Lol)

Awww it was Becky’s first time having sex with Luke? That’s so rough.

“Do you think I’m going to hell if I have an abortion?” “No honey I don’t.” Damn these women are so blessed to have Queen Tami Taylor in their Texas small town!!!

I’m glad Becky is getting the abortion and I’m glad she made sure it was her decision after all that pressure from her mom!!! woof

Ah Big Mary finally showed up to his son’s game and is yelling the same things on the sidelines as Jess?! 🥺

Oh I’m so glad Vince found a way to get his mom in rehab, my heart (do we know how he did it tho? Did the gang help him, given the cash?) ....and got it, oh babe are you indebted now 😭 noooo

OMG Buddy on El Fuego is tooo muchhh I’m dying

Uh oh Luke and these painkillers is creeping back in to become a problem...

HOLY SHIT we get to see Saracen in Chicago???? Oh how I’ve missed him! He looks so cute in a scarf! Awww he has a photo of Julie up in his lil apartment?!

Oh we love Eric listening to his interview about the panthers game while sitting in the car staring at the old field! This show is so gooood like damn

Is Luke’s injury finally catching up to him now that he doesn’t have the painkillers to help him work through the pain?! Man this dude is having a rough semester, he was just dealing with a pregnant sexual partner too!

O H N O I had a feeling Luke’s mom coming in to ask Becky about the abortion was not friendly....and yep now she wants to get Tami fired???? Ugh fuck anti choice conservatives

Saracen’s Chicago apartment is so idyllic wow

Omg can you imagine being Julie getting that call all those months later??? I get why she was so upset, he sounded so casual like BOY YOU GHOSTED

Landry’s mom asking what Jess thinks of Obama, so cringe!

Ew Luke Cafferty’s mom at his door like “don’t forget to say your prayers” as if she isn’t trying to ruin Tami’s life with her anti choice nonsense!!!

Yeeeesh Cheryl’s hitting on Tim?? did Cheryl not notice that Becky is clearly super into Tim 😬 this is so much, why is Tim stuck in a love triangle with a mother and her daughter.

W O W Luke doesn’t even know his mom went to talk to Becky, let alone is trying to get Tami fired...fuck, does Becky even realize what is happening??? She’s gonna be so upset when she realizes Tami is being attacked like this!

Yes go off Tami!!! “I gave her her options and I listened to her. That’s my duty as a principal and a human being.”

“Obama, really?” Lol same Jess

Yeah I’m sure this isn’t gonna get out even tho Tami is keeping her job. Im sure the anti choice nuts will take this loss graciously 🙄

Yes Luke, yell at your mom!! I’m so glad he’s defending Becky and Tami! That was not your grandchild, it was a bunch of cells. Relax.

Tami and Eric’s marriage is so pure. Tells her about her victory and he kisses her. “What are you doing tonight?” “Nothing.” “I’ll go get the wine.” “Okay.”

Oh noooo Luke is literally in Carroll Park asking random ppl for Oxys nooo. Damn this season has covered *so* many social issues so seamlessly! The fuckin opioid epidemic, check.

Also guess that whole cleaning up Carroll Park thing didn’t work Eric Taylor!! which duh

Oh Matt babe I’m excited for you but you should’ve maybe not taken off without telling someone you were dating for years?!

Oh the angst!!! “Matt, we were together for almost four years. I know almost everything about you.” DAMN she is really giving it to him!! ugh warranted even tho let’s be real Saracen looks like he’s thriving in Chicago! they’re better off spending this time apart to ~grow~

Aww tinker is really looking out for Luke! this is pretty heartwarming that they’re defying the coach’s plays just to protect Luke bc of his injury.

....Ugh I knew he’d push it too far, babeeee

“I think I’m moving out.” Yeah Tim probably a good life decision.

Oh fuck now Cheryl is making assumptions and going off??? Bitch he did not sleep with your daughter!!

After watching The Wire for four seasons, this operation Vince is indebted to looks so weak sauce. But yikes nooo his friend got shot!

...anddd here comes the press about the abortion controversy. Saw that coming!

Oooof bad timing to want to stay for another drink, Eric.

Omg poor Vince. his best friend died and his mom’s in rehab??? My heart 🥺

[lrugloyak]

Ben's uncle (i.e. another dream about a hot demon)

(Hi. If it’s your first time here, you can go HAHA. I’m not sure when I can focus back on my personal musings on here, but generally if you’re staying behind, I hope it’s for the memes. This is just a dream journal entry -- something I’d like to look back and laugh at in the future or, say, show to a therapist when I’ll need one lmao. Happy New Year!)

Like the actor who plays the old version of the lead guy in huling el bimbo; if not taller and darker but still theatre actor, basta real and dark like daveed but pinoy and no facial hair lmao

Ben's uncle drives me to school. Real school. With little Ben. Ben's uncle is wearing a black collared shirt with green double stripes.

I forget to bring socks and topple off the car with just slippers on and shoes in hand. He thinks I'm silly. I think he's hot. I tell myself I'll ask him out soon. I'm in high school.

I'm strangely waiting outside the lobby for class. It's afternoon. I go with Che to the gate bc I'm bored waiting. I trip over a few Christmas balls. When I get up, she's on the other side of the gate on some sort of fine ticking stuff off. I tell myself i can do that and reach for the pen. Ms. Joji is beside che with 2 familiar janitors from sisc. She politely chuckles to herself. I ask her why, and she tells me I'm kind but why care about this now. She touches my hand and carries on. I'm a bit disappointed.

It's nearly evening and i see ben's uncle's car roll around nearby but dismiss it. Bea v has a twin and draws in a small crowd of people as she loudly rants about her time at school, some story about being teased and embarrassed as she was called Bea Duh and V____. It seemed more like a pun that made sense in my dream. They were annoying but i had nothing against then so i just stayed behind the crowd and listened. They seemed like they just wanted people to listen and sympathize but it felt like a clout thing. The people seemed like they didn't like listening either but they were bored and liked being in the crowd. I giggled to myself while she was talking about something i wasn't listening to. All eyes turned to me. She asked if i had something to say. I saw ben's uncle's back from afar as he was rummaging through the back seat. I didn't think he saw me. I mindlessly started with my story about forgetting my shoes that morning and it was embarrassing. But i slipped with the fact that i wanted to ask ben's uncle out. I looked back at the crowd and saw their eyes light up. Someone asked me why. I said because he was hot. They ask laughed. I just said yeah he's hot! The crowd ate it up as i was pretending to be all the rage, making my story funnier and being more loose and confident with the way i moved. I didn't say it out loud, but thoughts of ben's uncle being attractive bc he was thoughtful, funny, kind and attentive were flooding my head. I look back at him and see he's staring right back at me with kind eyes and a wondering smile on his face. I laugh bc I'm having a good time with the crowd and i unknowingly proved a point to bea that you can turn embarrassing stories into good and still be in good company. Ben's uncle is by the gate. His elbow brushes past mine and we lock eyes. I asked if he heard all that. He asks what time my classes started and i realize oh yeah I've been waiting out here a bit alone for a class I'm not sure I'm having. We chuckle at the realization. He is admitted through sisc's electronic gate.

Search for the demon in a village that looks like manuela but with wider roads. Felt like the village in wallace and gromit. Forgot most of this part but it was heart racing and fun; i hate when i forget the adventure parts Couldn't capture the demon but found a book with some inscriptions. Had to go somewhere to find people who could help us. We were to go to a shack that same night.

I arrive with my friend to the shack. We find two guys in a room that looked a lot like lolas room now that i think about it. Guys are sleeping soundly in a bed. He tells me to take a nap first so i take a nap on a space on the right side of the bed, which was disappointing bc i wanted to help look for the demon. I am mostly asleep, but he didn't know i was still partly awake and listening and watching him decipher the book he just found. Guy in the middle wakes up and says demon is in the house, they just haven't found him yet. Informs they need to do a ritual to drive him out. They don't know how the ritual will go. They leave the room already chanting something foreign that doesn't seem to be working. I hear them enter the room beside this. September starts playing. They are chanting i think.

When the verse comes up, i hear one of them say it's not working. It was then when the legs of the guy on the left side of the bed started rising even though he was still asleep. He is wearing a grey tshirt. Hmm lol probs not important. The chorus comes and i hear the guys in the other room say that hey this isn't so bad; it's not working but they're not getting hurt from all the heavy chanting. Left side of the bed guy's arms were now rising too. "I'm not in my body" i hear the being on what looked like lolas computer chair in the shadows say. I understand he was driven out. That guy was ben's uncle. He tells me to go back to sleep. I smile and say no. So it's you, i think. He didn't have to answer. There was a bit of silence as September continued playing and the guys in the other room just sounded like they were dancing at this point.

I ask if he knew I wanted to ask him out when he passed me as he went to pick ben up from inside the school. He said yeah and smiled. I felt no shame. We both laughed. I was getting sleepier. I asked if he was the bad guy. He said yes even though I was hoping more that he'd say no. The info automatically popped in my head: he was called the necromancer. He asked why i asked, and i answered it was because nothing changed and i still wanted to go out with him. He considered it, i can feel it. He asked why, implying why i would want that knowing he's the demon, and i said bc he's hot. We both chuckled. He smiled again. Go to sleep he said, but i wouldn't budge. His human's legs and arms are still up. He won't keep his eyes off me. It seems more sincere. I'm not scared at all. Fuck, he's cute. He realizes he can't convince me. He walked over to my end of the bed and sat by my waist. We stare at each other for a bit and it feels like we've been talking for hours. I ask will you hold my hand and he takes it. His hand feels human. It even feels as nervous as one. I tell him everyone's capable of change. He looks at me with love in his eyes. The sound of September is drowned out by the feeling of time to rest your weary head clouding my senses. I don't want to wake up yet; i want to save him.

I wake up. I think there's been an earthquake.

I bite my lip.

Alright! So this was supposed to be a mind farts thing, which is why some sentences are less...sentence-like than others. Typed this out when I woke up at 5:48am. I was sad that I couldn’t get back to sleep bc I wanted to see Ben’s uncle again HAHAHAHA THE THIRST IS REAL and it’s so weird how I always just referred to him as Ben’s uncle and not??? a name?????

Okay, here are my notes possible factors:

• Gian Magdangal, but here in his role in AHEB and not anywhere else lol

I didn’t even feel the least attracted to him here; I’m not sure why Ben’s uncle took his form and why I was so eager to get in cahoots with him HAHAHAHA SORRY GIAN

• By “real school,” I mean my actual high school -- that part of the entrance was perfect in my head to the last detail. Little Ben, whoever the heck he is, was also wearing the grade school uniform. 

• The last I’ve heard from Che was from an instagram post for the holidays. I’m not sure why she got in here. 

• For the life of me, I don’t know what Ms. Joji and my school janitors represented. Maybe it’s my late feeling of detachment from being coined as a nice person. I can’t promise I’ll write about that here. 

• I don’t know why Bea V is here either huhu. Despite what it seems like, I hold no grudges (or any real personal connection) to her, at least to my knowledge

• The action sequence in Manuela probably comes from how I’ve been going there often for the holidays and truly wanted to stay longer that I did. 

• September??? My dad’s been playing songs of that era when his friends came around and when he’d have the hand at the Manuela get-togethers.

• The thirst? Yeah it comes with all the dreams now, it seems. Haha. Remember Suit Guy from the other dream? I’m convinced they’re the same character. After my closure with a real boy last month, I reverted back to talking to Angel. I don’t expect you to know who he is as I’ve never mentioned him officially in writing. It’s not like anyone’s going to read this anyway until I’m dead, but Angel’s been my imaginary friend for years. I’m not sure for how long, but perhaps it was since fallen angel tropes took over YA fiction (say, my 5th grade years?) or since I got into Supernatural. It comforts me to have a hot imaginary friend I can banter and actually fight with to talk to. I guess my fixation on tall mysterious guys (and after watching Daddy Long Legs din pala last night) just played into my metaphorical love for Angel.