for the and I didn't like the ending: perhaps a 5+1 thing of the people around Art!Aegon noticing how touch starved/messed up he is? like the failed hug scene with Leanor.
Alternatively, the moment where Viserys suddenly becomes viscerally aware that his son only cares about him in a "professional" sense tied to his identity as king and Aegons "responsibilities" as a prince but could not give any less of a fuck about him personally.
this maybe got away from me a little lol
also i have no idea how coherent this is but it's officially Late here so I'm going to bed enjoy people realising that actually egg might be thought starved the poor boy he's still running away for most of this
(0)
The thing is-
The thing is that now Egg has noticed, he cannot stop noticing.
The thing is that once, so long ago that his breath catches in his lungs, he'd been raised with a dozen sisters who would run their fingers through his hair of a night. He'd had rough hands curl around his arms daily as he'd trained with George and the boys, and he'd pressed shoulder to knee with Wet Stick and Back Lack in narrow alleys as they'd hidden from nobles with lighter pockets.
Once, a lifetime ago, Art had had Tristan's arm slung around his shoulders as they both laughed. He'd had Blue's tiny body curled at his side of a night, his nephew-son ever-haunted by his father's death. He'd had his sisters and his knights and the Mage rolling her eyes at it all even as she shouldered past him to deal with whatever it was he was being a baby about.
Once.
He hadn't noticed.
But Helaena does not like touch and he is used to this, he can understand it, and Aemond has already deemed himself too old for the casual touches of childhood. His nephews are affectionate, yet never with him, and it leaves a lump in his throat. His father... he does not think his father has held him since he still toddled.
And Egg has never been his mother's favoured child, even when he was her only child.
(How hadn't he noticed?)
Cold flame licks at his shoulders and his chest aches as he remembers the warmth of Ser Laenor's arm. The burning-scalding-warmth of another's touch and he-
Aegon aches.
It aches.
(When is the last time he touched someone outside of the training yard?)
It burns and-
He presses himself into the corner of his rooms, walls tight against his shoulders, and wraps his arms around his knees in a bare semblance of a hug.
It's cold.
(1)
"Like this, Jace."
He frowns, teeth tugging at his lips even as he allowed his uncle to prod his limbs into place with quick, there-and-gone touches. "It feels odd."
Qȳbor Egg grins. "It will, but-" his uncle pokes him in the chest, pushing against him in a way that would have seen him falling before, and then pulling away. "See?"
His eyes widen. "I see," he says, nodding, even as he glances down at his feet. They don't look that different, so how-
"Prince Aegon!"
He flinches, ducking his head as Ser Criston Cole's voice barks across the courtyard.
Egg rolls his eyes, but stands straight nonetheless, his grin fading as he walks towards the knight.
Jace's frown widens as he watches his uncle walk away.
"We should hug him," his brother says, curling into his side the way he always does, and he can hear the matching frown in his words. "He looks sad."
Aegon always looks sad, Jace thinks, even when he's happy. Instead, he shakes his head and curls his arm around his brother. "Qȳbor doesn't like hugs," he reminds his brother. He wishes he did.
He doesn't like that he's so sad when there's nothing they can do to help.
"I know," Luke says, mournful, and his fingers tangle in the tail of his tunic in the same way he does with muña. "He's like Hel so we're not allowed to hug him unless he hugs us first."
His brother sounds about as happy with it as Jace feels.
Their uncle really looks like he needs a hug.
"Come on, valonqar. Let's go and find kepa, maybe he'll let us ride on Seasmoke with him."
(2)
"Aegon!"
His goodbrother blinks at him. "Ser Laenor?"
He winces, clasping his hand to his chest theatrically in the way that always has Rhaenyra and their boys smiling. "Come, cousin," he continues in Valyrian as the boy's lips twitch. "Call me Laenor, if I can convince you of nothing else."
"Oh?"
The raised brow and sharp look that Aegon gives him is so Rhaenyra that he could laugh. Instead, he places his best encouraging smile upon his lips and moves slowly closer. "The boys are begging for us to spar again, this time when they can watch."
Aegon pauses.
Something that Laenor recognises but cannot name flickers across his eyes, leaving him with the sinking feeling of diving deep on Seasmokes back, fires flaring on the beach below, the wind whirling around them as they fall-
"Qȳbranna?" He reaches out, slowly, resting a hand on the boy's shoulder.
His goodbrother flinches.
It is the barest of movements, undetectable but for the fact that Laenor can feel it, and he opens his mouth-
"Well, Leanor," Aegon says, clapping him on the shoulder and moving away swiftly. A smile on his lips like he hadn't- "We cannot leave Jace and Luke waiting."
Seasmoke roars distantly in his ears.
Mayhaps, Aegon is simply like Helaena, in that they both abhor unwanted touch. It would not be uncommon, after all. Perhaps Aegon simply dislikes touch that he does not initiate.
Watching his cousins' hands shake subtly, remembering the barest of instants where his goodbrother had leaned into the touch before pulling away, Leanor doesn't think so.
(3)
The words leave his lips as soon he thinks of them.
"Is Aegon angry with me?"
Helaena turns, her eyes clear and sharp, and the confusion is so clear upon her face that he relaxes before she speaks. "Why would Aegon be angry with you?"
Aemond slumps in his seat. "I do not know," he says carefully, sounding each of the words out like how Mother says he must. A Prince must not mispronounce his words or one would think him a simpleton. "He simply-"
"Valonqar."
"He doesn't hug me anymore," he bursts out, too loud and too angry and Mother will be so disappointed. Egg already is disappointed in him because: "I know I shouldn't have said that about Jace and Luke and I apologised to them but lēkia is still mad at me and-"
Gentle fingers wrap around his wrist.
He freezes.
Helaena squeezes gently, her hand a grounding brand of heat, before she pulls away. "Aemond, valonqar - Aegon is not angry with you, I swear."
He isn't? Then- "Why doesn't he hug me anymore?"
His mandia's eyes flicker closed and she looks like Father does, when something reminds him of the old Queen.
"If you ask him for a hug, he would be glad to give you one," is all she says, though.
All he has to do is ask?
(But Mother has said he's too old to be asking his brother for hugs, Aegon has duties after all, he doesn't have the time to be pandering to him anymore)
"If I ask, Aegon will hug me again?" The words feel small on his tongue. Wrong. He shouldn't need to-
"I promise"
(4)
The temperature in King's Landing may never reach as bitterly cold as it does in Harrenhall, but the storms are something that Harwin has yet to become used to.
Within less than a candle's width of time, clear skies have turned black with an endless downpouring that turns packed mud into slippery pits. Harwin feels nothing but relief when he calls the rest of the training session off, desperate to be both warm and dry once more, when he notices a figure that hasn't joined the rush to leave.
"Your Highness?"
Prince Aegon startles and slips in the sludge beneath their feet.
He winces. "Sorry, my Prince," Harwin says, reaching down to help the mud-covered boy to his feet.
The Prince eyes him, gaze flickering from his hand to his stance, and then takes a bracing breath that has his eyes narrowing slightly.
Laenor had mentioned something about this, had he not-
And then Harwin is pulling the Prince to his feet, holding firm until the boy has his feet beneath him just as he would for any of the younger Princes.
"My thanks, Ser Harwin," Prince Aegon says and his gaze is still fixed on his hand. There's a rough edge to his voice, like Luke after a nightmare, and Harwin-
"My Prince, are you-"
Thunder crackles above them.
Harwin startles and his feet slide beneath him; he releases the prince so the boy does not take a second fall in the mud. For a heartbeat, he flounders, until he finds his legs once more.
When he looks up, Prince Aegon is already halfway to the door.
(+1)
Rhaenyra has never been close to her half-brother.
She hadn't wanted to be when he was younger. Not when he was borne of Alicent and her father's betrayal. Not when Aegon lived when so many of Rhaenyra's other siblings didn't - not even Baelon, who was so small, who her mother had died for, who had died anyway. She had burnt her brother's pyre, Rhaenyra had thought all those years ago, and she had no need for another.
She had been a grieving child, angry at the world and those who should have known better, and she had taken it out upon the children by simply ignoring them.
She has been trying to be better, now, because her sons inspire her to be better, and her siblings deserve better. Aemma Arynn had died trying to give her father a son and the man hardly acknowledged him. Any of them. And Alicent-
Her childhood friend had always thought their customs queer. And now all of her children are so obviously Valyrian, with all those same queer customs...
No, her siblings deserve better. She has much to make up for and there is much she can never make up for.
Laenor and Harwin- she loves them, but men can be dense at times. They've discussed their meetings with Aegon, his odd reactions to touch, and both men recognise it is different to Helaena but they do not understand.
Rhaenyra does not wish them to.
They do not see what she does in Aegon and that is, perhaps, a good thing. Their boys do not see it either, only that their qȳbor is not fond of hugs, and Rhaenyra loves that they do not know this feeling.
It is memories of a time long past that have her gathering her heaviest cloak, one that has not seen use since her marriage, before she wanders the halls of the Red Keep to find her errant valonqar.
"Aegon," she murmurs as she finds him, staring out at King's Landing proper.
"Mandia?" He turns and-
She drapes the cloak upon his shoulders with a solid thud, watching with amusement as his eyes widen and he stumbles with the weight of it. Her lips twitch.
Her fingers clasp the cloak closed carefully.
"I have a cloak already?" Her brother asks, his face twisted in the same confused expression that Jace uses.
Rhaenyra stands beside him, a fingerwidth away, and stares out at King's Landing as he was. "None so heavy as this one," she says with quiet assurance. The only winter since Aegon had been born had been a mild and short one, even his winter clothes were light. "The weight may help."
He falls silent.
"You- I-"
"Tell me of my sons' lessons."
Aegon does.
(And if he ends up drifting closer, until their shoulders barely brush, until he can lean into her just the smallest amount-
there is no one but the two of them on this covered rampart to know it)
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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble
I will not be brief, all under the cut
To clear some things right off the bat:
No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.
Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality
The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.
This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.
Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:
Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.
All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.
Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).
And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.
At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.
I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.
Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.
This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.
It shifts something between them.
From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.
As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.
Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.
Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.
I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.
I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.
I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.
As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.
I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.
Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great
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